#using it to help rather than hurt
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
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starry-bi-sky · 3 months ago
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Who is the more well-adjusted twin; Damian, or Danyal? Why, it's Damian, of course!
And I have an explanation for this! But first I wanna preface this that this is just me like, rambling about this thought I have and it's not an attack on the trope as a whole. I love the Danyal Al Ghul au which is why i'm so deeply passionate about it, because I think it has a lot of potential to be explored. It's no secret that I've mentioned before that I think Danny's psychological development tends to get overlooked and underutilized in DAG aus, and the impact that growing up in an assassin league often goes ignored. This is just me further expanding on that.
Now lets set the stage! This is specifically for Danny who is adopted by the Fentons later down in life. Lets go twin au. At 10 years old, Damian goes to the Wayne Family, Danny is adopted by the Fentons (regardless of their affiliation with the League). By 14 years old, who ends up the better adjusted, more socially aware, spiritually in-tune with themselves, sibling? Why, Damian is! Why is that?
Because he has the actual support he needs compared to Danny. And I'm not talking about good or bad parents Fentons, because either way my opinion doesn't change. Damian would end up the better off twin, because, frankly, his family knows his background. They know he grew up in the League, they know what the League's teachings are, and they know he's a born and raised assassin. Knowing this, they can then help tackle and dismantle the teachings and lessons he has been given and ingrained into by the League. They may be a dysfunctional family, but they're functional enough to at least actively help deprogram all of the League's teachings that have been ingrained in Damian throughout his childhood.
Can't say the same for Danny.
Lets say Fentons here don't know his background -- and even if they do, the results may just stay the same if they play their cards wrong, -- Danny's now just been thrown into the deep end of a pool and is essentially being told sink or swim. Regardless of how he got there -- undercover, faked death, etc -- he has no proper support. He knows the League is meant to be secret, he's not gonna speak on it for various reasons. Whether it be some still lingering loyalty, fear of harm, or whatever. Whatever the reason is, he does not have a proper support system in the Fentons, no matter how nice they are. They can only tackle the surface level stuff and whatever Danny allows them to see -- if Danny ever lets them see it at all. For what do assassins do when they don't want to be caught? They hide. Sometimes in plain sight.
"But Jazz--" Jazz is a child. She is 2 years older than Danyal and no better at giving him a proper support system than the two adult Fenton parents, even with parentification. We don't know when she got into psychology or how long she'd been studying it by the time Danny's 14. We just know she's really into it. Even then, Jazz is not a licensed or reliable therapist, or even an experienced or implied good therapist, and should not be used as one either. It's a disservice to her character to reduce her down to 'supporting female emotional crutch'. Besides, therapy only works on people who want to get better. Danny, who'd be hiding who he really is, has very little incentive to want to, or to even think something is wrong with his way of thinking, even with exposure to the outside world.
When people's beliefs are outright challenged, they tend to double down on them, and Jazz canonically has a habit of psychoanalyzing her family and declaring what she thinks is the problem -- regardless of whether or not she's right about it. Jazz would get into psychology, try and psychoanalyze Danny, and all it would do is cause him to clam up, shut into himself further, and throw up even more walls so that she can't figure out that he has been lying this whole time. It would do more harm than good, and would actively hinder any progress he'd make in trying to open up to them. Roads and good intentions and all that.
That being said, I think Danny's development and dismantling of the League's teachings would be slower than Damian's. Much slower. Because he would be the one having to pick apart everything and figure out what is right, what is wrong, what he wants to keep, and what he wants to toss. Everything he unlearns would be stuff he has to unlearn himself. If he even gets to that point at all -- depending on his experiences, he very well could not change at all, or change very little. The League acts as a purge for humanity, meant to reign in their hubris and retain balance, they just also happen to be assassins for hire. Danny's time spent in Amity Park could as well strengthen his belief in their teachings just as much as it could weaken it, especially if it goes as canon and he gets bullied.
Regardless, being tossed to a civilian family as someone who is very much not a civilian, without any support, would be actively detrimental to Danny's overall mental health and development. Especially to strangers like the Fentons. Damian was closed off and standoffish even with blood family, and it took him time to open up to them -- Danny, with the Fentons, would be even more so. He doesn't know them, he doesn't trust them, he has no rhyme or reason to open up to them, and since the Fentons don't actually know him, they can't help him the way he needs. Once "Danny Fenton" is made, he has even less reason to open up. So long as Danyal allows it, they will only ever know Danny, and they'll never know Danyal.
TL:DR the Fentons aren't the better family option just because they're civilians, and actually that makes them the worser option between the two because they can't give Danny the proper support he needs. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul#dpxdc demon twins#demon twins au#dpdc#dpxdc au#dpxdc analysis#tldr: danny could be royally screwed over by living with the fentons rather than his actual family.#the fentons being good people ≠ giving proper support and aid to a child. especially a traumatized assassin child.#there are of course a lot of variables to put into place that could shift things around but this is just the general gist of the idea#living with the fentons could actively harm danny worse than if he was with the waynes and could leave him more susceptible to returning to#the league depending on the backstory given. he could actively force himself into his own shell and bury himself deep beneath his lies.#and once 'Danny Fenton' is firmly fixated on his face what use is he to take the world at face value? as my delightful friend navistar said#anything anyone says would be to *danny* not *danyal.* one good example im thinking of is that *danny* knows that killing is wrong and that#people have value. but *danyal* does not. he recognizes that it is something frowned upon but doesn't quite understand *why* because nobody#has explained it to him. bc they don't know he *needs* it to. its like knowing that certain words hurt people when said a specific way and#even if you don't mean it to hurt or understand why it hurts you recognize that it *will* hurt. and so you refrain from doing it.#danyal knows x x and x is frowned upon and so even if he doesn't understand why or thinks its stupid he refrains from doing them#while he's 'danny fenton'. he's very Intensely Masking#child development and socialization is tricky at best and unpredictable at worst. things COULD help but they could also make things worse#and even if the fentons do know his background that doesnt mean they know how to give him proper support. it certainly HELPS but it doesn't#automatically make it better. Danny can always just Lie. their parenting style might not change. sending him to therapy doesn't#automatically make it better bc it doesnt mean danny agrees that he needs the help. he can just Lie.
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sysig · 11 months ago
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Off to make mischief and terrible decisions for everyone (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Sans#Help they keep appearing#Where have I heard that one before lol#Genuinely! I wasn't expecting to keep drawing them but my pencil kept moving and they kept showing up on my paper!#Especially Gaster but the other two plenty as well#Got to employ a bit of my favourite coloured pencil ♪ I Will find a way to use my blue on nearly anything#Luckily for me they come prepackaged with blue magic so that was easy enough#Wiggly baby Papyrus does Not want to go >:( At least he's not being hurt :(#Some smoking Gaster ♪ I still quite enjoy drawing smoke honestly - fun to get to do so with a character who actually smokes haha#You can see I also added swoopy-swoops to his Lost Soul head - I like it much better for being such a small detail#I think it looks weird in black rather than white but against a white background-#Without them he feels....hmm something. Something old that I don't want#Not like the Classic Lost Soul head tho haha - similar but not quite the same!#I love his design ahh ♪ He's really so pretty but so much of that is in his details! Like the way he wears his clothes or holds his body#I'm always a sucker for that style of turtleneck as well haha ♫#Perhaps his turtleneck keeps the smoke in chest from escaping longer :0 Yet another reason to wear them!#Shot of the little family before things went Completely terrible - before the plates and all that#I'm rather pleased with his hand pose there actually :) Keep an eye on your kids Gaster you've only got the one eye to do so!#And then some silly ones lol - I am desperately curious if animated skeletons would have a hyoid bone#It's not as though hyoid bones are specific to humans! They're just A Type Of Bone! Surely skeletons would have All their bones right?#But in the human skeleton it's not resting against another bone it's just floating there tethered by muscle and sinew#Would it float? Would it rest inside the lower jaw? Would it attach to the neck vertebrae??#It'd probably get caught on his turtleneck a lot easier than like - getting it caught on his neck bones for example#They have a kind of fused canine-teeth-like structure as well they're like a weird set of tongue-teeth lol#It's just fun to imagine ♪ Similar to how the rest of the skeletal body like - magnetizes? to itself :)
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foundfamilywhump · 1 year ago
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truly i don't care who thinks it's stupid or boring or "doesn't count" or can't be as intense as what they think of as "real whump" or whatever else, whump with comfort and recovery and caretaker(s) is always going to be my style of whump and i'm gonna have a blast vibing with people who also enjoy that
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chirpsythismorning · 1 year ago
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Some of the evidence supporting Mike not being in love with El is brutal. No, but seriously.
In s3, when El's leg is injured, instead of Mike putting his arm around her waist, allowing him to take some of the weight off her injured leg, he puts his arm around her shoulder, basically having the exact opposite affect of taking the weight off of her, instead just adding more weight for her to have to carry.
Now, I’m not coming at Mike here, I’m actually coming at the writers, because this choice here has everything to do with them using this gesture to signal Mike’s lack of feelings for El, even at the expense of realism.
I say this bc any person with common sense, including Finn and everyone around him and Millie filming these shots, would've known it looked unnatural for Mike to be adding more weight onto El as opposed to taking some off of her.
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This means that what Mike did here, Finn was directed to do, and therefore it was for a specific reason.
And we know they could have easily made the opposite choice, because they show us Max AND Lucas doing it.
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See how putting an arm around El's waist looks so much more natural? Because homegirl is injured and clearly needs help taking weight off her leg to qualm some of the pain she's experiencing there, which is why Max and Lucas are shown here doing it the correct way.
And so, why can't Mike do the same? Why are the writers making a point to show Mike being incapable of simply taking some weight off of El, instead doing the exact opposite?
I don't think it's as deep as Mike not being able to do something intimate, and that's bc, again we see Max and Lucas doing it.
I honestly think what they're trying to convey with this choice here, is that Mike thinks he's helping El, when he is in fact doing the opposite despite his best efforts. The implications of that and how that sort of aligns with their romantic relationship and what it leads to at the end of s3, going into s4, is pretty spot on.
I do think Mike thinks he's doing the right thing by being with El instead of voicing any doubts at the end of s3, because he is under the assumption that she is in love with him. I do think he believes he is indebted to her and that this is the least he can do after everything they've been through together, which has mostly been riddled with romantic pressures and so continuing that instead of disputing it seems like the only option anyways. Not to mention, he does care for her deeply, so it's not hard to imagine that he's a teenage boy confusing deep care for love (he literally tells us this is his problem when he can only say care and not love to El's face... but that's a whole other conversation).
Still, when it's all said and done, Mike's not actually doing El any favors by being with her romantically, if that is not what he truly wants.
Because that's the sad truth about all of this, which is that you would never want someone to be with you just because you want them. If you knew that they truly couldn't have those feelings for you, you'd want to know, right? You don't deserve someone just because you have deep feelings for them. And I think there's so many layers to this idea, bc many people are capable of not giving Byler a chance bc they truly believe Mike could never return Will's feelings. Will also feels this way atp, so though it hurts, he rips the band aid off, because he would never want Mike to be with him just out of pity or something. No one would want that. And so it all really comes down to who Mike truly loves romantically and wants to be with. And the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone, is to be honest, because being with them just bc you think that will make them happy is never going to be enough if you aren't truly feeling it, or worse, feel it for someone else.
We see how Mike's inability to be honest with El at the end of s3, leads to a season of Mike feeling deeply insecure and undeserving of the love El has to offer him, and even though he does try, he always comes up short. Despite Mike putting up this front that they are the perfect couple, the details are telling us something is off. And it gives him away.
Another example that I think is very similar to this loaded gesture from Mike to El in s3, is the scene in s4 when they hug in the airport.
Common sense ppl, picture this: You're reuniting with your long distance girlfriend. Then suddenly, she runs up to you, with her arms wide open, and instead of opening your arms wide to embrace her properly, you take the bouquet of flowers you brought her as a gift, and shove them against your chest just as she approaches to hug you, effectively squishing the present you got for her (a pretty delicate present at that) for no reason other than to... what exactly?
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Like?? El isn't even squishing the present Mike, she's trying to hug you, dude! Your gf is trying to hug you properly and you threw the gift you got for her in between you so you could throw in a careful! x3??
Again, this has less to do with Mike's thoughts and reasoning behind this gesture in a literal sense, and more to do with the simple fact that this is a narrative choice! Mike is not a real person! There are real people sitting down and writing this and actors are having to do multiple takes to act it out. What feels natural for a situation is going to be what is often chosen 9 times out of 10, because of realism and wanting the audience to see stuff happening that is believable. That 1 time though, when it's not being done the way it would usually be, is usually because there's a specific reason for it.!
So the question really is, not why is Mike doing this, but why are the writers having Mike do this, and what message are they trying to convey about Mike's feelings based on his behavior, in these moments where he's just not capable of committing to El genuinely, one way or another?
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edwinisms · 4 months ago
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them�� a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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jasontoddenthusiastt · 7 months ago
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On the subject of gotham county line and batman noel and so on and so forth it’s pretty frustrating (from a watsonian pov) that anytime Bruce hallucinates Jason being loving/ caring/helpful/compassionate towards him it’s always as robin and never as his current self
#it's ironic because Jason as robin never got the chance to become as obedient & devoted (malleable) to Bruce as he currently is#which is a result of being abused/manipulated for a more prolonged period of time#“maybe if I try harder and do it right this time he'll finally see the truth”#classic abuse tactic#no matter how well the victim fits the mold set by the abuser they’ll never acknowledge it#rather if they see you trying they’ll push harder and tell you you’re not perfect#the small shreds of affection here and there are important for motivating the victim to keep trying#kelseethe#Jason initiating the hug in rhato 27 after Bruce insinuated that those beatings will be a regular occurence bc he deems it a necessity#continuing to support Bruce even after Ethiopia and sticking around to help get Damian back#eagerly cooperating with Bruce + co in event leviathan then getting surprise pikachu faced/hurt after being betrayed#making a conscious decision to comfort Bruce in gotham war after Bruce fucked him up and left him behind#having undying conern for Bruce's wellbeing while Bruce regularly endangers his life#ex. Bruce's weird habit of committing vehicular assault on Jason whenever they're on the road demonstrated both in tfz and gotham war#point being: Jason was much more psychologically fit to be defiant towards Bruce when he was robin compared to now#he's more of a “good son”™ now than he was as robin Bruce is just too used to thinking whatever he wants and never being satisfied#the only times Jason got mad/upset at Bruce during one issue and continued to stay mad until the next#other than lost days and utrh was batman 410-411 and early in aditf before Bruce helps Jason find Sheila#so much worse has happened since then and all that just magically became water under the bridge off-panel
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lulu2992 · 6 months ago
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Hello! I was wondering something. In Vaas: Insanity there are six visions that occur in the hotel, five of which happen in numbered rooms: 1991, 2003, 2006, 2007, and 2012. So I was thinking, what if those numbers correlate to a specific year? Personally I think that it's kinda confusing, because that would imply that for example, Vaas rebelled against Hoyt in 2012. What are your thoughts? Thanks for reading!
Hello! I don’t think I’d even realized the room numbers could be years, but that makes total sense! I’ve just watched a video of the mission and there are two rooms with the number 2012: the one in which we see the Pirate meeting you’re referring to, and the one in which we see Jason kill Vaas. The second event did happen in 2012 so I agree: the room numbers must be years!
Now, about the Pirates wanting to rebel against Hoyt… While it’s true there were tensions between them and the Privateers in Far Cry 3, what we see in that vision is strange to me for several reasons. Firstly, why is there another “Pirate Leader”? Wasn’t Vaas their only leader, especially in 2012? Has there ever even been another leader? Who is this guy he’s listening to as a pupil listening to a teacher?
Secondly, what he’s upset about is the fact they want to “take the land from the natives”. That’s an inherently infuriating concept, sure, but in the context of the story, why would Vaas be surprised and angry about that? He knows what he signed up for when Hoyt recruited him, he knows his boss hates the Rakyat, and I even believe he started working for him in the first place partly because he felt betrayed and wanted revenge. The way I see it, Vaas becoming Hoyt’s right hand and leading the Pirates is his ultimate “Fuck you” to Citra and, by extension, the Rakyat. He wouldn’t complain about their land being stolen.
Thirdly, in the vision, when he asks where the men are from, they all (except the “Leader” who’s just been shot in the leg) say they were born “here”. The problem is that, in Far Cry 3, the in-game description said the Pirates “came to the island”, implying they’re all foreigners. Also, they have nothing but contempt for the Rakyat and their accent is not the same, so I’m not sure why Insanity implies most of the Pirates are native Rook Islanders. As far as I know, Vaas is the only Rakyat among them.
I also think it’s a bit weird to imagine they have wives, children, and “normal” family lives... but maybe some of them do, who knows?
So, in my opinion, the idea that Vaas himself asked the Pirates to rebel, especially for the reasons cited in the DLC, doesn’t make sense. On the contrary, it was he who maintained the fragile balance of power between his men and Hoyt’s, and it was precisely when he died that the Pirates, without a leader, started attacking the Privateers to try to get control of the island. I think it would have been strange for Vaas to “start a war with Hoyt” in Far Cry 3.
That said, it seems the DLC’s writers believed Vaas felt guilty for not becoming Citra’s “Ultimate Warrior”, leaving the Rakyat, and convincing others to follow him. I don’t really agree with this interpretation (and Insanity isn’t canon to me anyway) because he chose not to complete the ritual, still clearly resents the tribe, and I don’t think other Rakyat became Pirates, but maybe that’s why the devs thought the rebellion against Hoyt was Vaas’ idea.
Also, because Vaas, Pagan, and Joseph are unreliable narrators in Insanity, Control, and Collapse, some of the “visions” they experience, for various reasons, either never happened or show a distorted version of reality, so maybe this scene isn’t a memory but a fantasy, a romanticization of his past and a way for him to “correct” it in his mind. It’s possible Vaas never actually started a war on Hoyt but (at least in the DLC) wishes he had done it.
Again, I doubt this meeting happened or even could have happened in Far Cry 3, but I suppose that’s why the scene exists in Insanity.
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elftwink · 4 months ago
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have to work on a project today and an unrelated thing happened that just made me so so so so so mad (just some irl personal stuff), which normally derails my entire day because i find it so hard to come out of the angry/upset state and tend to just circle back and obsess over whatever triggered it but! today after 20 minutes of that i had a council meeting about it (<- what i call my decision making process) the outcome of which was putting it aside (!!!) for later when i could actually talk about it and resolve it (!!!) & in the meantime we could just do other stuff.
local man exuberant and jubilated to achieve feats of basic emotional self-regulation and was seen excitedly telling reporters he "never thought this day would come" and began giving a thank you speech to nobody in particular. more on this story as it develops
#good idea generator#more and more i find the most effective way to get things done is to have like. a council discussion in my head about it#my thoughts always feel really noisy especially when im upset & its easier to process what im thinking/feeling#if i imagine it as coming from many different sources with different opinions. rather than contradictory ones from me#bc then i get stressed about the contradictions. council discussion is easy bc you can let everyone say their whole perspective#so everyone gets listened to + then theres space to ask questions like 'is this helping or hurting?'#if you're wondering who 'we/everyone' is. its me. this is probably obvious but i never know what is typical when explaining how i think#or if im explaining it in a way that makes sense and is accurate to whats actually going on up there#arguably i dont think any language is ever truly 'accurate' to whats going on up there#feels like trying to see if other people see the same red as you do. what do you ask? and when you think you know how do you check?#anyway. i like the council because i used to just try to shut down negative or spirally thoughts#and it never worked ever it just made me feel more out of control. whereas now i have to listen to the whole thing#+ try to identify what the underlying fear or need is and try to address THAT#also awhile back i read the handbook for internal family systems therapy which has def influenced how i think of myself#now i have never actually done ifs or spoken to a practising professional so grain of salt and whatever#but i have found it is by far the way that makes the most sense for me personally to think abt myself and try to solve problems internally
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asurrogateblog · 10 months ago
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...sudden radio silence on social media for the last few months i wonder why
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lunalikestowriteanddraw · 8 days ago
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You know, you’d think that my earbuds would actually charge when I put them in their charging case, but evidently not. Swear to god, these fucking things pick and choose when to charge
And the case isn’t dead or anything. The case it at like 80%. But neither of my earbuds are fucking charging. Haven’t even had it for a year, and it’s already being a pain in the ass.
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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blujayonthewing · 4 months ago
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I'm really glad elyss came several years before melliwyk, because mel's alignment shift from chaotic neutral to chaotic good sometimes feels a little embarrassing in an 'I can't keep my own feelings to myself for the sake of committing to the bit' sort of way, but the counterpoint to that is that elyss, steadfastly true neutral, just simply Does Not Care about anyone other than her own loved ones or anything outside her own immediate interest no matter how much I sometimes wish she would
#she has a soft spot for children but that's the only real exception. other people's problems are none of her business!#she's not gonna look for your kidnapped husband or whatever unless the paladin wants to (he wants to. this is my loophole as a player lol)#whereas *I* wanna befriend and adopt every NPC and do quests and help people out of genuine desire to help#melliwyk is still more self-interested than not but at the end of the day she fundamentally really is a good person#she just lost track of it for awhile. being around people again has reminded her that she cares about people actually#she IS bothered by needless suffering. she IS smart enough to recognize when smart people handwave 'necessary sacrifices' to be cruel#she DOES oppose evil on principle rather than just because of how it directly affects her or her friends and family--#not just passively and in general but actively enough to want to do something about it herself#and I dunno it's nice. it's nice that it feels like that's not just me muddying the waters with my desires as a player--#but that it's just something *neither* of us realized when I started playing her but that was nonetheless always true#and honestly I also think it's nice that elyss is Like That but that I don't think there's anything wrong with her for it#she's not evil! she's not hurting anyone who didn't deserve it! she's literally just trying to mind her own business#she's not going to needlessly or carelessly hurt people just for her own gain like early campaign melliwyk would have#she's true neutral like a wild animal is true neutral and That's Fine#the ONE downside I suppose with mel is that 'NICE does not mean GOOD' is compelling to me#especially when your stereotypical chaotic neutral dnd character is an edgelord asshole#but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe if her field of study had more opportunities for human experimentation lmao#melliwyk the experimental necromancer or behaviorist or summoner has a different relationship with ethics I have no doubt#melliwyk has READ studies with Dubious Ethics and gone 'I mean they couldn't have GOTTEN results like this otherwise'#really the biggest difference between Good Melliwyk and Neutral Melliwyk is opportunity for temptation. which is also compelling#my OCs#melliwyk#elyss
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sysig · 8 months ago
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Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#Mixed set! :D Lots of singular doodles - one-offs or ones that apply to a few different scenes#The kiss is random tho <3 I still haven't gotten to ZEX showing off his uniform to Zelnick! I want them to!!#Him seeing his Captain in his uniform was so lovely tho <3 I love Big Love and that was so <3 Hehe#Smooch ♥#ZEX does not eat enough ;; He eats like a bird and it's highly distressing#I actually wrote in my notes that I was surprised he wasn't hurting In The Same entry as when he was experiencing hunger pangs haha#It doesn't help that he tends to talk through meals rather than eat - he's so much more interested in making connections with humans!#As far as metaphors go - killing himself for the sake of trying to bridge that gap - I mean it's apt but ZEX please#I think it was while he was talking to Wally at one point that he framed the War in a very flippant light-hearted way which was funny to me#I don't think that's the descriptor most people would use haha#Swearing <3 <3 VUX terminology <3 <3#I want a VUX glossary of terms so badly hehe I've been slowly compiling a few here and there :3 Direct translation! The dream ♫#Him getting stressed enough to swear is very endearing haha ♪ What do you mean I'm endeared by everything he does don't be silly#The next one of me deeply enjoying when he's creepy is not proof of anything! Just because I Happen to also like that!!#I do really love when he's creepy tho agh <3 <3 The mental image of him as The Hunter - casually cornering and capturing his prey <3#In that instance he was interrupted pretty quickly but the setup was there!! And it was extremely good!!!#I love how huffy he gets as well haha ''All these humans interrupting my seduction attempts >O( ...Wait O|'' lol#And finally an exchange on the board between him and Scarecrow haha so many fun faces around!!#I love him being completely baffled by a non-mechanical construct it just short-circuits his brain haha ♥#He's so intelligent but there exists things unknowable!#The image of him tapping his pen is so Incredibly cute ah <3 Where did he learn such a thing! Does it translate from his VUX form to this ♪#Anything everything ♥ Learned or known! It's wonderful
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lovetogether · 1 month ago
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We think the obsession with making mental illness appear to be something one suffers from and / or changes (or ruins) their entire life causes a lot of this paranoia one is faking their illness. Self diagnosis is something we advocate for as we’d rather someone look into recovery for something they may or may not have then never know. That and, most just cannot afford to get a diagnosis (+ for some an official diagnosis would mean putting their livelihood at risk). However the act of show casing mental illness as wholly damaging can create an idea of idealized mental illness. This idea that one must be in constant suffering to justify their diagnosis. Mental illness though is muted, it’s a subtle thing we find, even the most severe cases. Dissociation detaches you from yourself but you still exist as an entity, which can be mistaken as “healthy”. Hallucinations are not often grandiose but rather small intrusions on your life, things which make living an inconvenience but nothing to the level of a horror film. Intrusive thoughts and violent outbursts are real and something which should be discussed but this idea it is otherworldly or obscene helps no one. Most if not all mental illness symptoms can appear quietly. If it were understood just how “normal” it may feel to be mentally ill then perhaps people wouldn’t be so scared to accept themselves. People often think “I relate but it’s not as extreme” when the truth is it’s never entirely that extreme to begin with. Episodes are momentary, mental illness can be debilitating but even in that state it is never full force every moment. Understanding that the mentally ill are closer to you than you realize is an important step to understanding and welcoming the mentally ill into our communities . And accepting ourselves.
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kariachi · 1 year ago
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Sorry-not-sorry I'm back on my normal 'Kevin and Argit were so small' bullshittery.
Because they fucking were. Kevin was twelve when Servantis tossed everybody, and Argit couldn't have been far off. They were middle school aged. 'Puberty would be starting about now if we weren't wandering the Null Void and therefor likely not eating near enough' aged.
A pair of children, with minimal education, no paperwork, no homes, no guardians. Wandering the Null Void and then the Milky Way, on their own. One a prime target for the slave trade, both prime targets for adults looking to take advantage of them (*coughcoughOttocoughcough*). With only as much security as they could provide themselves and each other. Only able to rely on themselves for the basic necessities of life.
And then this show has the audacity to try to tell me that they turned to crime due to poor morality. That they're money focused because they're just naturally greedy. That they don't trust people and look out for themselves because they're bad people that either will always be bad people or will only improve because of the power of Tennysons.
What options were there for them? What jobs are there in the Null Void? What jobs are there in the galaxy that'll hire barely-teens, if even that, with no paperwork or educations, that wouldn't ruin them as badly and pay worse than the crime they already had experience with? Will keep them fed and clothed and sheltered? When one of them already has a criminal record, for violent crimes at that? When there's nobody there to stop even the 'good' adults from taking advantage of them?
The show will sit there and tell you that Kevin's violent crimes were the result of a rough childhood, but he and Argit's non-violent ones? Totally on them, no excuse, wholly a matter of greed and not giving a shit about other people. Fucking bullshit. This is a pair of kids who had to grow up way too fast, up against an existence that saw at least one of them as easy profit, with nothing but themselves and each other, and no opportunities. They're a pair of traumatized kids who grabbed the opportunities available to them with both hands and were molded by the problems they faced.
Of course they're money-focused, unlike the Tennysons they don't and haven't had anybody making sure they had enough to get by. They've had to support themselves and live with the constant worry that something is going to go pear-shaped and they'll have nothing.
They spent years with anybody and everybody being a potential threat (even between the two of them, Argit's noting that Kevin's snapping while he worked for the Rooters was the worst he'd seen 'before or since' makes it quite clear he's seen him on and passed the edge at least as much if not more than we have), of course they're going to be slow to trust, quick to toss people aside, and unwilling to help their enemies without some sort of payout, they've been burned before.
Just- Damnit these two come from some shitty fucking situations, the effects they had on them are obvious if you bother to fucking look, and they both deserved better than the series just going "oh yeah they're assholes what do you expect they're criminals" and moving the fuck on. Like, for fuck's sake at least acknowledge that they're like this because life was a fucking lead pipe to the teeth to them! We know Kevin's situation was shit even before they met, we got to see it, but even if Argit had a perfectly good life beforehand (unlikely) the earliest we see him is being held captive for illegal experimentation purposes by law enforcement! These two have been through shit! At least acknowledge it!
Fuck, they could've replaced Color of Monkey with that, hitting on the differences between how Kevin and Argit adapted to their circumstances, give us upfront the Tennysons being a safety net that let Kevin heal (rather than just 'oh the Tennysons taught him morals because they're the Good People') while Argit's issues and lack of security kept him stagnant. It would go better with what we see of him over the course of OV leading up to the Rooters arc, and what we're shown in the Rooters arc. Give us him still being far from great or on the up-and-up but improving with the stability that comes with his 'hero' status, a repairing relationship with Kevin after that arc, and a flourishing, above-board business. Rather than backpedaling on any good the writers had thrown at him like they'd realized they were coming up against a cliff.
Shit that makes you want to get the writers by the shoulders and shake them mercilessly.
#the fact kevin's willingness to leave his enemies to their fates is treated as a character flaw resulting from his being immoral#rather than a result of the traumatic-ass shit he's been though and these enemies continue to put him through#we *really* needed a scene between him and gwen where it's made clear that just because she and ben choose to forgive people#doesn't mean kevin has to and that his desire not to help people who only want to hurt him is entirely reasonable#argit has gone through so much shit too and it was understandable it didn't get touched on in UAF because it hadn't been established#but OV has no fucking excuse#bastards really went 'argit is a more accepting partner than rook and selflessly saved a lot of people's lives at least once-#-and cares about kevin and went through so much trauma alongside him and is the wielder of the omnitrix in at least one parallel universe'#and then turned around and went 'but also he is actually an even worse person than UAF showed-#-no really we know we just showed him being the type to selflessly save lives-#-but he's totally down with kidnapping and selling small children to be eaten'#these boys deserve better#honest to fuck they had argit selling children as food directly after showing us how he was treated as a thing by adults as a child#when we know kevin was a victim of the same shit and that argit held it against at least servantis#when we could have had an episode where kids are going missing in Undertown and the heroes learn because Argit called them about it#when we could've had something hitting on he and kevin's trauma from the shit they went through alongside argit growth#as he at the very least refuses to let other little kids go through shit like he and kevin did#which would play well with what we see of him in the rooters arc#*and* what we see in The Purge when he's the one who responds to the FK bullshit not by fleeing the planet but by informing Team Tennyson#despite being shown to have the *ability* to flee#we'd even still get to see scary post-rooters 'don't fuck with me' argit it'd be great#missed fucking opportunities all over the damn place doing these boys dirty
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