#use creative euphemisms

[liquidpaperfoundation]

Where's "imprisoned in my basement"?

[crossdressingdeath]

Just saw someone use "unalive" in regards to Durge and their extracurriculars on a website without TikTok's draconian censorship. Honey. Sweetie. If you can't even bring yourself to type the word "dead" you should not be playing, discussing, or thinking about Durge.

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Peter, Peter

Spencer Reid x Female Reader (Implied Smut)

Summary: Season 2 Spencer and his girlfriend host a Halloween party and their couple costume causes some confusion

Note: Inspired by the scene in which Spencer doesn't recognize the kissing in a tree rhyme

Spencer loved Halloween. I knew that my boyfriend was a massive nerd. Honestly, it was a plus. With Spencer, I could be myself. He wasn't the type of man to raise his voice at a football game gone wrong. He wasn't the type of man had some weird purity culture blocks on me reading steamy books.

He was the type of man to passive-aggressive judge Jeopardy clues with the slightest inaccuracy. In my opinion, Spencer got a perfect score on the Jeopardy application which retroactively banned him from any type of game show in the franchise.

He was the type of man that encouraged enthusiastic and unabashed interest in things. Spencer had his old Russian novels and I had my novels with plenty of euphemisms for penis and good girl in Russian.

Compatibility, right?

Spencer had volunteered us to host team party. They spent the day hoping from grocery store to craft store to liquor store for various things they needed. The fall had finally arrived; and I welcomed the crispiness in the morning and the chill in the evening. Spencer wore a forest green and deep khaki sweater that complimented his eyes. He blushed when I told him, the tips of his reddened cheeks reached the bottom of his glasses.

"Ooh! We should use the pumpkins as a pitch for my Faerie Brew." I suggested, sizing up a rather large and lumpy orange pumpkin.

Spencer cocked his head. "What were you thinking of making?"

"Personally I think a pumpkin sangria would be revolting..." I sighed, thinking, "probably I'd do an apple, cranberry, lemonade sangria."

"Sounds like you and Penelope will be the ones to enjoy that?" He teased. Penelope was the first of the team to know. Spencer had a hard time hiding the reason as to why Penelope had caught him a florist near their apartments. I had met Penelope a couple weeks later and in the eight months since, we've become close friends. Mostly because I've grown to hate nights alone in our apartment. It's not the same without Spencer.

Spencer lifts the pumpkin and places it into the cart, waving off my insistence on helping. "Are you going to tell me what the costumes are? Derek really thinks he's slick doing what he's doing with his date."

"You'll see."

"Tell me, Y/N." Spencer pushed the cart along, stopping as I toss a packet of orange jello.

"I've never done jello shots." I claimed. "I was too serious and nerdy in college." Spencer gave me an amused look.

"I'm sure between the two of us, I was the nerdiest one back in college." He retorted, a look a smugness colored his face.

"You were twelve in college, Spencer." I countered, smiling when the tips of Spencer's crooked smile reached the part where his cheeks tinged red. "And you're lucky you're cute." I said. "But I want jello-shots."

"I'll get the sleeping bag out for Penelope. And we'll swing by the drinks aisle for some electrolytes."

---

Spencer had gotten stuck planning a seminar at the Academy so Penelope had decided to come over to help me the finishing touches. She was dressed as Hedy Lamar, the scientist/film star. The 1940s style suited her. Penelope had a bright red lip and perfectly curled blonde hair. Her dress with fitted at the waist and flared to the knees.

"You're a pumpkin?" Penelope's eyebrows were raised. She had begun organizing the jello shots tray into something resembling a pumpkin. "I would've thought you'd having the most creative costume."

I plated the mini-hot dogs into warming trays, trying to hide my thrill. I knew that Penelope would love this costume in its entirety. Spencer...he'd either love it or not.

"You'll see!" I said. Penelope had roped JJ and Emily into dressing up like the Powerpuff girls. Penelope, between the trio, had taken it the most seriously.

The rest of the team had arrived, except for Hotch who had simply shaken his head at the thought of trying Penelope's Franken-Punch. I poured the sparkly green liquid into a plastic pumpkin as Spencer walked into our apartment.

"You're the cutest pumpkin in the patch." Spencer said softly, his playful tone making me smile. Penelope pretended to gag into the kitchen sink at Spencer's sickly sweet affection.

"Usually I'd think you two are adorable, but tonight I am preoccupied." Penelope claimed. She had set her sights on one of Derek's gym buddies who was coming to the party. Much to Derek's chagrin. "Anyway, Reid. Go get your costume on." She insisted.

Spencer kissed the side of my cheek and made a face at the concoction. "You know calling this Franken-Punch isn't very accurate. The doctor is the one named Frankenstein." Penelope gave him a look. And Spencer threw his hands up, "All I'm saying is that if we're going to pay homage to the mother of science fiction we shouldn't be so cavalier with references."

Penelope huffed in faux annoyance as I kissed Spencer's face. "Go get ready, honey. JJ and Emily should be coming soon. And I think Derek and Danny are parking." I handed Spencer the bag with his costume in it and Penelope and I continued to get the apartment ready for the party.

It was hard to decide if Penelope was more enamoured with Danny or if Danny was more enamoured with her. It would be hard not to find someone who wasn't taken with the tech genius.

I sipped the drink Penelope had made. It tasted as good as it looked. Derek stood at my side, scooping some dip, chips, and a slice of pizza on his plate. Spencer came from our bedroom, a confused look on his face.

"And now what on Earth do you have him dressed as?" Derek smirked, as he noticed the text on Spencer's shirt.

Peter, Peter

"It's not anything that's not true." I shrugged, my bright orange cheeks smiling as I winked. Spencer hurried over, still confused. Penelope, JJ, and Emily took pictures together but instantly understood Spencer's confusion.

"Too much for me to know," Penelope said, groaning, "Now I see the creativity in this costume." She gestured to my pumpkin outfit.

Spencer appeared at my side, still confused. "Are you sure this isn't a mistake?" He asked, looking down at his shirt and then at me, "It's supposed to be a couple's costume, baby?"

Derek chuckled, offering to clink his and Spencer's glasses in cheers, "My man. Who would've thought."

Penelope giggled as she and the girls filled their plates and exchanged looks of both surprise and amusement. Spencer, however, remained confused. Danny, Derek's friend from the gym who wouldn't leave Penelope alone, joined in on the clever costume.

"Peter, peter, pumpkin eater. Good man," He said, clapping Spencer on the shoulder.

When the guests had gotten their food and drink Spencer and Derek stood together chatting about the results of the latest case. Gideon, who reluctantly donned a witch's hat, offered a curious glance at Spencer's shirt and then scanned his eyes towards me. He nodded, looked at Spencer and then shook his head in disbelief.

"That's enough." Spencer exclaimed. "Explain it to me." He grabbed my hand and I smiled. He always told me that my grins were infectious and just by looking at me he'll end up smiling. "Please. Derek won't stop congratulating me and I'm lost."

I chuckle, kissing Spencer on his cheek. "You're brilliant, baby." I said. "You're Peter, Peter and I'm the pumpkin. And you're a pumpkin eater." I explained.

"Oh." Spencer said cocking his head. "Makes sense. You're very sweet and I do like-" I clapped my hand over Spencer's mouth before he can continue. Sometimes that mind works too fast for the other parts of him to keep up. He kissed my palm, breaking my resolve. I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.

"Y/N!" Penelope called out, clearly more than inebriated, "We want to play some games. And don't worry Dr. Reid, no bobbing for apples. We'll by the looks of it, you'll be bobbing for someone's pumpkin later." She smirked.

We divided into teams three, with Spencer and I on the same team. We shared the armchair and Spencer's had wrapped themselves around my waist. Penelope, in all her drunken glory, explained the rules. Just as she was going over the rules, Spencer gasped and called out.

"Oh! You mean like...cunniligus. Well then yeah, I guess it works."

tagging some friends bc i don't have a taglist anymore

@reidsbookclub @reidsbookclub @reid-ingandweeping @foxy-eva

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Sex Scenes (The DON'Ts)

Here are 7 things to avoid when writing a sex scene

Disappointing the reader

You can make the reader wait but don’t disappoint the reader by not including a sex scene that’s integral to the story.

Your scene doesn’t need to be lengthy to be satisfying.

Getting lost in the character’s thoughts

While the reader needs to know a little bit of what the character’s thinking and feeling, the sex scene needs to focus heavily on the action—show what’s happening. But don’t muddy the moment with too much exposition. It will dull the scene’s excitement.

Missing the beauty

Unless you’re writing a rape scene, sex is meant to be beautiful and soulful.

It may show the vulnerability of your characters, or the way that the light hits their skin. Take a moment to find what’s beautiful in the moment and explore it.

Getting cutesy with your word choice

Euphemism are great, but the ones used for sex can get really cringe-y really quickly. For your consideration: honeypot, the heart of her femininity, bulge, appendage, staff, pink pearl… You get the idea.

Instead, the simplest words are often the best.

When in doubt, say “penis.”

This keeps the reader in the action instead of trying to figure out what you mean.

Not studying sex scenes

You're a writer. This is your craft.

And this may be your only chance in life to devour a romance novel and watch R-rated movies for work.

See how other creatives use sex to explore characterization and take notes.

Writing in public

Sex is an intimate affair.

It’s pretty difficult to write about it when you’re with others.

If you're doing it right, you'll get a little hot and bothered yourself, and the last place you want to be is in your local cafe when you’re flustered.

Edit furiously

Pro tip: Always remove the word “moist” whenever it pops up in your narrative.

A certain portion of the population gets freaked out when they encounter it.

It was even voted the most cringe-worthy word in the English language by several outlets.

Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Word List: For Sex Scenes ⚜ Part 1

[kasarasun]

what if I made a thing or it already was that while Airplane wrote the world, Peerless Cucumber illustrated it (only the animals. And Binghe, fighting the animals.) And then then then

He'd totally do it on an alt account, right?? Peerless Cucumber can't be seen making fanart!! (And he's good at it. Like, wiki is using his art in the monsters and beasts pages (that Peerless Cucumber volleyed for. He also separated it from the plant section.) Because 1 its good 2 the artstyle is consistent 3 there isn't a lot of monster official art, other than that one with the black moon rhinoceros python and those other ones and 4 it's really that good)

Haha incomprehensible parenthesis nesting aside, Airplane is watching the forums, right? Not sure about other stuff in canon but he looks at the forums and the fanart and the fiction and most of it is probably corn and binghe and just a little bit of mobei-jun and also the wives tm but!! There's also that guy!!! The monsters guy!! (People would probably suspect 'Drawing the Beast's Ire'- or some other sex euphemism I'm not good at making those- of being Peerless Cucumber because 1 the writing style is the same 2 Peerless Cucumber is the number 1 contributor to the PIDW wiki and a lot of it is the monsters and beasts section and it makes sense, yes??) Anyway, Airplane shooting towards the sky suspects but not too seriously suspects Mr ire of being cucumber's fanart alt but uh uh that ends pre-transmigration section

So, Shen Yuan starts running about, right? Things seem really... familiar, maybe thats the word?- for some reason. This is because every animal and plant he's ever drawn, sketched- maybe even thought about but that's a stretch?- is his design. The firefly parallels hold their forelimbs like butterflies. That is how far down it goes. Maybe it doesn't come up until later, but beasts and monsters from fanfiction get involved, oc species, too... anyway,

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky transmigrates 30 years (iirc) before Peerless Cucumber. He was an avid enough follower of Drawing the Beast's Ire to recognize that these are their designs! Here's where it gets really crazy. Xiao-Mobei comes along, and while he's still pretty young, Airplane can tell that this is Drawing Ire's design! Some aspect, maybe his ears or teeth, (this isn't a well built theoretical tangent) of Mobei isnt canon. Its Drawing Ire's. From that one Northern Kingdom collection. Whatever stretched his world building into coherence, completion, didn't just pull from fanwork, official art, whatever it could find, it went for Drawing the Beast's Ire's designs specifically. Damn that's crazy Airplane ahahaha moving on,

This is getting really long so I'll be a bit more concise, (want to know more? Talk to me. Please talk to me. I want to interact with the fandom. Ask me questions. Poke your fingers into my cage.) This all comes to head at the Immortal alliance conference. The monsters and beasts really start pouring in! And Shen Qingqiu/Yuan remembers his creations. However, he assumes that this is because like 1 other person maybe was Drawing ghost head spiders.

Hey, Peerless Cucumber really liked the monsters, right? The deadlier, crazier, more intricate, the design the better! So maybe, when he was drawing, he... added some things, really believable, logical additions, really just small creative decisions...

Anyway, the monsters that Drawing the Beast's Ire made were where it came to a head.

Lets have another Canon divergence. Maybe, during or after Binghe gets pushed in, out of the rifts comes a species that Drawing Ire created. It's beautiful, poisonous, beloved, and really quite deadly. Shen Yuan/Qingqiu, Peerless Cucumber, Drawing the Beast's Ire... realizes, quite like airplane before him, that he's illustrated, practically sculpted with his own hands, monsters from the Endless Abyss with claws and teeth and poisons as deadly as Peerless Cucumber thought that the really cool monsters could deserve. It feels like he's the one cutting, biting, poisoning his sweet little sheep. It feels like he's digging out the marrow from his little white lotus disciple's bones.

Ok it is shut up time 👍

[stormy-river]

Transcripts from the Humanity Hotline 7

As I finished this, I discovered it's been exactly one year since I posted the last Transcript. A lot has happened in that year; I've graduated college :) . I want to thank everyone for the support I've received, and I hope to get back into some of my creative projects and give you guys an opportunity to laugh, and maybe learn something. This one is inspired by a request from @a-romantic-twst from forever ago; I hope it was worth the wait (sorry about that). (It's about periods if anyone's uncomfortable with that and wants to skip this one.)

------

Operator: "Hi, my name is Mindy. How may I help you today?"

Caller: "Hello, Mindy, I am very concerned about one of the humans on my ship."

O: "What seems to be the problem?"

C: "Well, I'm the chief medical officer and this particular human has been on the ship for just over two Earth months now. On two separate occasions during that time, she has requested strong painkillers citing 'Shark Week' as the reason. I looked into what 'Shark Week' is, and found an Earth television special about certain aquatic predators, and I'm unsure how that could cause a human physical pain lightyears from Earth?"

O: "Interesting, is there anything else you can tell me about this human during these events?"

C: "Yes, I've also received reports from other crewmembers around these events that this human is not as outgoing as usual, and shows signs of discomfort with facial expressions and changes in appetite, but does not respond well to the standard psychological protocols for team building and social connection."

O: "What about the timing? You said this has happened twice, correct? How much time was between them?"

C: "Yes, I've documented both with dates. The human requested the painkillers twice, 28 days apart. The crew reported signs of distress for a few days following each request, and two times in the day before the first request."

O: "Alright, I believe your human is using the phrase, "Shark Week" as a euphemism for the start of the menstrual cycle, which is often referred to as a 'period'. To put it simply, one of the female reproductive organs sheds its inner lining roughly once an Earth month, lasting anywhere from a few days to a full week."

C: "Similar to how the Rythyani shed and replace their stomach linings?"

O: "Yes, though the uterus has blood vessels that extend into that lining, so shedding also causes bleeding."

C: "Bleeding? How much blood is lost? Why has she not requested bandages or a transfusion?"

O: "For most, a period is not life-threatening. The amount of blood loss does not require a transfusion to replace, or bandages to stop, though iron deficiency may be a concern for some that can be easily remedied through their diet. Ultimately, your human will know her body and how to handle her cycle best. We learn to deal with periods from a relatively young age. You should have received a human anatomy and physiology textbook when the first human joined your crew. Do you have it?"

C: "Yes, though I do admit I have not yet had the time to read it."

O: "That's alright. The chapter on human reproductive systems goes into more detail about the biology of the menstrual cycle than I can tell you. For the time being, make sure your human knows that she can ask for support if needed, and inform your crew that not all humans will be happy all the time, and they don't need to be. Over time, you will gain a better understanding your humans' patterns. Until then, trust them to express their needs, and talk to them if you have specific concerns. I can give general advice, but they will know themselves best."

C: "Thank you for clearing up the confusion, Mindy, I will look into this and update the protocols as necessary. I have no more questions for you at this time."

O: "You are very welcome, please don't hesitate to call again if something else comes up."

End Transmission

[milliebugydementia]

i like how when they try to get will to talk when he's possessed by the mindflayer, the first scene makes so many allusions to will being gay. it's like by trying to get to his heart they're trying to show how they know he's gay and they love him for it.

joyce mentions his drawing of a rainbow ship when he was eight. she describes how he was given other gifts but that the massive pack of multicoloured crayons was all he cared about, and that he must have used all of the colours. it's a call to his creativity and uniqueness - his queerness: it is the sort of behaviour lonnie would have shunned. the rainbow imagery goes without saying. but joyce highlights this as her first calling to him, telling him how proud she was of him.

johnathan talks about how the night lonnie left they built castle byers. this is immediately striking in the same way as an acknowledgement of shame and and acceptance - lonnie is the voice of shame in will's life and has been lifted here, giving way to him building a nerd shack, again a call to his creativity and queerness. he draws attention to the fact that will is terrible at hammering and always misses the nail. he is highlighting will's effeminacy, his failure to perform masculinity, and posing it as a point of endearment and humour just as joyce.

mike being in the room here is so powerful because we know his relationship with will is closer than anyone else's in the party, but this clearly acknowledges that they mean family to each other. especially in the context that the other two have just unpacked his queerness, getting to his heart, and then the heart is in the room, speaking to him. the line "you were alome too" i take to be a kind of euphemism for the isolation of queerness. mike was alone, and so was will, until they found someone like themselves. and he tells will how important he is to him, how he was alone until he found him and that asking to be his friend was the best thing he ever did. and then will starts to talk.

[konigbabe]

ONE WEEK TO GO and I am participating in all seven days. ♡ Working days and nights to finish in time.

Have a day 1 NSFW teaser in the process (and I swear, this is Gojo centred):

We're hosting NSFW Gojo Week 2023!!!

Hosted by: @lemonlover1110 @violetsaffron5 @septembersums @ayyy-pee @xo2dee

Hellooooooo! With season 2 of Jujutsu Kaisen quickly approaching, we're excited to announce we are hosting a NSFW Gojo Week and would love for you to join us this September in participating!!! This includes:

Fanfics

Drabbles

Fanart

Cosplay

And more!

Check out the links below for more info!

Carrd - For guidelines/rules, AO3 Collection, etc.

Twitter - Give us a follow!

CuriousCat - For any questions you may have!

Prompts list:

Please make sure to read the rules on our Carrd before joining as this is an 18+ event!!!!

** EDIT: If you’d like to participate, please send one of the mods a DM letting us know! We will add your name to this post. When you post your work, @ one of us so we can link your work here as well!

Participants:

konigbabe

teddiiursula

lanitoplayaa

moniheartz

peachsayshi

libroparaiso

[honeyhotteoks]

i’m actually begging smut writers to stop using weird euphemisms for body parts…… like i promise you repeating the word dick or cock is better for a reader than switching it up every line to something you think is creative and LITERALLY do not get me started on all the words for pussy that genuinely make me want to crawl into my own body and pass away. like….. what in the 50 shades is a “secret garden” ?? what is a “slick pocket” ???????

anyways this is my creative writing minor kicking in to repeat the wise words of all my professors but, less is more. changing a word to a euphemism is weak writing, we should select the word that best describes what we are trying to describe!!!!!!!!! and there are plenty of commonly used alternatives that work really well depending on context! feel like we have said cock too much? need to emphasize girth and the physical feeling of sex? i offer you “hardness”, “hard length”, “thick length” etc. but my god if i read “meat stick” or “baby-maker” in the middle of smut i will close the tab so fucking fast

anyways i woke up early and the universe is testing me

[dragonomatopoeia]

as much as it sucks that social media users have to use workarounds like 'unalive' to talk about death and similar topics, and it's completely missing the forest for the trees to take issue with the term itself rather than the conditions of its use, I have to wonder why no one uses creative euphemism anymore. why unalive. there are so many fun ways to say die or kill. don't you guys wanna talk like old timey gangsters i thought you loved cartoonish stooges, lackeys, etc

[kooldewd123]

so there's a big element of the david trilogy that felt really apparent to me as i was reading it that i haven't seen anyone else discuss before. these books, especially 22, really feel like a critique of censorship in children's media. i mean, it's a common joke how network censors give us stuff like the shadow world in yu-gi-oh, where it's apparently more humane to trap people in a dimension of eternal torment rather than just allowing people to die on a kid's show. animorphs takes that concept and runs with it. david gets sent to the shadow realm instead of being killed, and those two hours of screams are just as much torture for rachel as they are for david. when he eventually comes back, he's begging for death because at least the comfort of an end would be more merciful than a life of constant agony.

and the idea that it's better for our protagonists not to become killers falls apart instantly when you take a step back. just look at how everyone acts throughout this arc. this is rachel at her most violent, jake at his most utilitarian, cassie at her most calculating, and marco at his most paranoid (ax and tobias get off a bit lighter, largely due to not getting their own narration). it's hard to argue that the choice not to kill david makes them look good when the three books preceding the decision have them all at their worst. in fact, it's especially bad seeing it play out through rachel's eyes. the entire book, she's been both raring to kill david while also afraid of being seen as a killer. it's clear that sending david to the shadow realm does not actually resolve this. she's just repressing it, bottling it all up for later so that she can take that pent-up anger at david and direct it at some poor yeerk instead. and let's dive into that for a second...

sure, it's fine to have our characters mow down alien monsters, but a human is where they draw the line, right? because even though the aliens are also portrayed as having their own thoughts and desires, and many of them are just innocent bystanders caught up in all this, they're not people, and so it's fine to kill them, as far as the censors as concerned (to be clear here, i'm not saying animorphs was necessarily censored in particular. i'm saying this as a critique of the censors around children's media as a whole). but then when you look at david's killing spree in comparison, it ends up becoming both a dark reflection of the animorphs and and a weird stand-in for the censors. he'd never kill another human, but he has no qualms about taking out a hawk or a tiger (never mind the fact that they're still human inside). it's all about appearances, not the truth of the matter.

appearances are all that the censors really care about. sure, you can try to discuss serious topics, but it needs to be hidden behind metaphor and euphemism. there's one line in particular that really stood out to me and got me down this whole line of thinking. after david "kills" tobias and nearly kills jake, rachel says this:

I was going to hunt him down and destroy him. No, not destroy. That was a weasel world. Vague, meaningless. I was going to kill him.

i don't know how to read this line other than as a specific callout of every censor that won't let creatives use the word "kill." every '90s superhero cartoon insisted their heroes were going to "destroy" their villains, but rachel animorphs is going to kill david.

[pinchinschlimbah]

Still thinking about this article and also generally what we've seen of the new Dick Turpin series so far and was suddenly struck with a realization. Themes of queerness and gender nonconformity have always been present in Noel's work, but this really feels like the first time where those themes are the overall POINT of a media he's created rather than incidental.

Dick himself is heavily traditionally queer coded, both in his interests/character traits (fashion design, knitting, tea, crossdressing, the color purple, kindness and emotional intelligence, encouraging those around them to also be their most flamboyant and authentic selves etc) and the way others react to him because of it- much of the tension of the first two episodes comes from Dick's father and Leslie both looking down on Dick for not acting in ways they deem to be what a real man is like, and Dick being described as "strange" and "creative" feel practically like euphemisms not to mention him literally being called names like "foppy tit" to discredit his abilities as a highwayman.

In the first 30 minute episode alone we have 3 major characters (Dick, Moose, and Nell) presenting in gender-nonconforming ways. When we are originally introduced to the Essex gang, their leader Tom King immediately kills the most outwardly queer person in the group for no real reason, and the rest of the gang later admits that they hated Tom's oppressive and callous leadership style and start to come out of their shells more once they get to know Dick. Dick's first course of action before anything else is to help the gang be their most authentic selves- he encourages Moose to embrace his emotional nature by speaking about his feelings and then to embrace his femininity by making custom dresses for him AND in a bit of a throwaway line Dick admits that he once spent an entire year wearing dresses himself! While the reveal that Nell has been pretending to be a man initially comes as Dick saying he thinks its cool if she wants to dress as a man, it appears he also ends up giving her the safety and confidence to realize that she's still the toughest one in the group, disguise or not! So far Honesty feels like he just needed someone to generally look up to and show him what can be possible, but I'm hoping we'll get a more in depth arc from him in the future episodes. Everyone is given stylish new outfits to make them feel powerful and then brought out to show them off and get a portrait done together- already a bonded found family who'd risk their lives for each other! And episode 2, where were left at so far, ends with an indication that others in the highwayman community are becoming interested in Dick's softer kinder way of doing things.... It makes perfect sense to me that now, while promoting a show where the whole central messaging is that you can find success through creativity, compassion, authenticity, and of course a bit of panache, rather than adhering to old fashioned violent and restrictive societal expectations, we've gotten one of the clearest statements yet about Noel's relationship with his own gender, and I'm very excited to see where else this series might take us!

[odyssean-flower]

The Chief Justice and the Worst Painter in Fontaine Chapter 3: The Chief Justice, the Painter, and the Otters

summary: It was supposed to be your time to relax and get in touch with your (extremely) buried creative side…but then your boss showed up. Masterpost here

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 (Bonus Scenes) || Chapter 4

The week seemed to pass by at a crawl. You found yourself looking at the clock frequently and tapping your feet. You got scolded more than once for being distracted. When Sedene delivered Neuvillette's note to you that Friday, you surprised even yourself with how eagerly you took it from her.

However, confusion replaced excitement when you read the note.

We will be going underwater tomorrow.

Some of your coworkers dived in their spare time, but you yourself had never done it. You could barely even swim. What did Neuvillette mean by this?

Except for the meeting spot, there was no other information. Not even instructions to bring spare clothes. 

Maybe this is a euphemism for killing me after I shouted at him, you thought half-jokingly.

By now, you knew that Neuvillette wouldn't do such a thing. But, just in case, you wrote a note for your roommate and put it in your drawer. 

You went to the designated location the next day. Your stomach was filled with butterflies, and your arms were filled with your painting supplies. Come to think of it, how were you even going to paint underwater? 

Neuvillette was already there, as always. He was wearing his usual clothes. There were no diving suits or anything that could be remotely used for diving in sight. 

"Hello, Monsieur Neuvillette," you greeted him like normal. "Are we not going diving today?"

"We are indeed going to go underwater today, but not by diving."

"Going underwater...but not diving?" you repeated, confused. 

Neuvillette saw the confusion on your face, and a small wrinkle appeared between his brows. "I'm sorry, I can't explain it in any more detail than that. But I assure you that it will be completely safe. Although, you are free to decline if you wish. I won't mind." 

I don't know why, but I feel like he would mind if I refused, you thought, and happened to glance up at the sky. It was a brilliant blue before, but now you could see white clouds slowly drifting across it.

You pondered. Going underwater without any aids seemed like a surefire way to die, but you were going to be with Neuvillette.

It was funny. You still didn't know anything more about him that you hadn't already known before you two started spending time together. And yet, you instinctively knew that you would never be harmed as long as you were with him.

And besides, going around Fontaine had awakened the spirit of exploration within you. You weren't about to quit your job and become an adventurer anytime soon, but the chance to see the underwater world for the first time...you couldn't let that get away from you.

You nodded eagerly and stepped closer to him. "Yes, I would love to go underwater! Although, I'm really not a strong swimmer, so I'm afraid you'll have to look after me a lot."

Perhaps it was the shadows of the (rapidly receding) clouds playing tricks on your eyes, but you could have sworn that Neuvillette's lips curved into a smile. "I'm perfectly fine with that. And there's no need to worry, you won't be required to swim."

Not required to swim? Just how were you getting underwater? As if he read your mind, Neuvillette said, "Please allow me to carry you in my arms."

"Okay?" Did you just hear him right?

He seemed to take that as agreement and lifted you into his arms easily. He must be stronger than he looked. You nearly dropped your things. His face was suddenly very close to yours, and you had the urge to bury your face in your hands. An attractive person looking at you so closely was not good for your health.

"I-um-I...what...um...sir..." you babbled like an idiot. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine that you would be held in the Chief Justice's arms. 

"My apologies, I startled you. But don't worry, it won't be for long," Neuvillette informed you. Wow, his pupils really are slitted, your brain thought idly, as though to prevent itself from spontaneously combusting by distracting itself from the current situation. 

He slowly stepped forward into the water. "I hate to make more requests of you, but could I have you close your eyes? It will make this a bit easier for both of us."

How would I closing my eyes make it easier for him, you wondered, but obliged. You didn't think you could handle staring at his face so closely for any longer.

Neuvillette walked forward a few more steps. Before long, you felt coldness surround your feet, then your calves, and slowly rise upwards to your waist. Your clothes didn't feel wet, strangely enough. 

As the water came up to your chest, and soon, your neck, you held your breath. You did trust Neuvillette, but anyone would feel a little bit of panic at the prospect of going underwater, right?

You feel the water caressing your cheeks, then rubbing against your temples, before covering the top of your head. You were underwater now. Though you couldn't see anything with your eyes closed, you could sense that it wasn't completely dark.

The two of you were going somewhere. You hoped it was close by because you weren't sure how long you could hold your breath for. You could feel the cool currents of water rushing past you, though they weren't as bone-chilling as you expected. You were moving pretty fast--was Neuvillette swimming? Somehow, you just couldn't imagine the elegant Chief Justice doing something like that. Maybe that was why he asked you to close your eyes? Probably not.

Your head was starting to hurt. You needed to take a breath. Bracing yourself to breathe in water, you exhaled--and nearly gasped in surprise. You were breathing normally like you were on land. What was going on? You didn't dare open your mouth to speak, though.

Eventually, Neuvillette slowed down. It seemed that he had reached his destination. There was a brief resistance like he was pushing through something, and then you were inside some sort of building.

"You can open your eyes now," he said, and gently let you down. You slowly opened your eyes, and your breath caught. He had taken you inside a round, gazebo-like building. At first, you thought it had full-length windows on all sides, but when you looked closer, you saw that the "glass" was wavering like water. The inside of the building was perfectly dry and tastefully furnished with bookshelves, a rug, and tables. There was even a gramophone. 

"This is an observatory built by researchers," Neuvillette explained. "It's currently unused by anyone, so I thought that it would be a perfect place for you to paint."

"It really is..." you said, and then suddenly realized something. "It's incredible."

The outside was even more fantastical than what you've seen in pictures. The surroundings were cast in a dreamy blue light. Fish swam through kelp and coral formations like birds flitting between the branches of a tree. The white sand at the bottom glittered in the sunlight that filtered down. It was like you were on land, but everything was more...magical. Even the crates and pottery scattered around and half-buried in the sand looked like precious treasure chests.

You were so distracted by your surroundings that you belatedly realized that your clothing and things were completely dry. You were also able to breathe normally earlier. Was this Neuvillette's doing?

"Um, Monsieur Neuvillette, were you the one who kept me dry on the way here?"

"Ah," Neuvillette looked awkward all of a sudden. His gaze wandered around slightly. "Well, as the Chief Justice of Fontaine, having such powers is a necessary part of my job. And I made a promise to you that I have every intention of keeping."

He nodded, like that was supposed to be convincing. It wasn't.

How? You wondered, but decided not to press him on it. Everyone in Fontaine knew that the Chief Justice was hundreds of years old. There were many theories about who or what he was, but someone as long-lived as him would most likely have some kind of power. You were just a lowly desk worker without even a Vision, so there was no real reason for you to know his true identity or anything. 

Still, the fact that an ancient, powerful being like him would spend his time on you, even using his powers to help you with something as trivial as your hobbies...you felt something warm and indescribable well up inside your chest.

He did so much for you out of the kindness of his heart. You wanted to repay him with what little you had. An idea was forming in your head.

You set up your easel and paints and got to work. All of the paintings you painted until now were neatly stored away in your apartment, never seeing the light of day again, but this one will be special.

Though it was cool in that underwater observatory, your forehead was damp with sweat from concentration. You could picture the underwater scenery perfectly in your head, but it wasn't quite transferring onto the canvas in the way you hoped. It was so frustrating that you felt like crying, but you couldn't stop.

You discovered something new about yourself--you enjoyed the challenge. Perhaps it was honed from having to meet your superiors' exacting standards over and over again. (Wasn't this supposed to be my relaxation time away from work, a part of your brain wondered). 

As you painted, you could feel Neuvillette pacing around, throwing glances at you frequently. It was strange, he was usually so still as you painted. Perhaps being underwater made him restless. You felt bad that you couldn't divide your concentration well enough to talk with him as you worked. He must be feeling bored. 

That realization hit you surprisingly hard. You'd felt similar feelings before, but there was something deeper to it this time. More than a subordinate worrying about disappointing their boss. What was it?

You decided not to probe those feelings any further. It felt like you were crossing a line.

You finally put on the finishing touches and stepped back. Now you needed to wait about half an hour for it to dry. Feeling shy about showing it to Neuvillette before it was ready, you found a blanket on one of the couches and threw it over your painting. 

Neuvillette saw what you did. His brow furrowed in confusion. "May I ask you why you covered your painting? Forgive my forwardness, but I was quite looking forward to seeing it."

"I want to wait until it dries before showing it to you," you put on your best, most innocent smile despite the butterflies in your stomach. Neuvillette's eyes widened slightly and he took a few steps back. Was your smile that horrible?

Electing to ignore that bruise to your ego, you changed the topic. "Monsieur Neuvillette, I would really love to see the underwater world more. Could you please accompany me outside? I-If it's okay with you, of course."

You wanted to kick yourself for being so presumptuous, but that was the first thing that came to mind. 

"Yes, of course. Please, give me your hand." That was fast.

You obeyed, and he pulled you towards the watery film that served as the entrance of this observatory. When you went outside, you felt the coolness and pressure of the water on you, but you could still breathe. Your legs were dangling below you. Maybe this was what flying felt like.

"You can talk as well, as long as you're with me," Neuvillette told you. He looked majestic even--maybe especially--in the water. You had to look away for the sake of your heart.

Your gaze landed on a group of adorable otters. They were swimming together on their backs, holding shells in their little paws. They occasionally flipped the shells up into the air and caught them, twitching their noses as they did so. They were the most adorable creatures you had ever seen in your life.

"Oh Archons, they're so cute!" you squealed, then practically dragged Neuvillette over to them with you. The otters didn't startle when you approached them. In fact, one of the otters even came up to you, its tiny face peering into yours and its paws brought together. Your noses were practically touching. You really wished you brought a camera with you. 

"Look, sir!" you turned to Neuvillette excitedly and was caught off guard by the smile on his face. When he realized you were looking at him, he cleared his throat. "Yes, they are indeed lively and adorable creatures."

Something suddenly occurred to you just then. Neuvillette's white hair and the otter's long white fur, the shared blue streaks, even the fact that they were both wearing (figuratively in the otter's case) the same shades of blue...could it be possible?

A vivid image of Neuvillette swimming around leisurely on his back, his nose twitching happily, holding his cane in his hands and flipping it in the air, appeared in your mind.

Oh no, you could feel your lips curve up into a smile. Giggles threatened to spill out from you at any moment. You had to hold them in, but it was so hard, especially when both Neuvillette and the otter were looking at you with the same confused expressions.

Unable to endure it anymore, you reflexively pulled yourself from Neuvillette--and immediately started choking as water flooded your lungs. Thankfully, Neuvillette got to you before you could become a permanent part of the sea. At least your giggles had disappeared.

After repeatedly assuring Neuvillette that you were fine and both apologizing profusely to each other, you had a fun time exploring the fascinating things that lay beneath the surface--with Neuvillette's hand firmly around your arm, naturally. You liked the silky feeling of the seaweed beneath your hands and the plump Blubberbeasts lying on their backs. 

Before long, you two returned to the observatory. Even in the water, you could feel your hands getting sweaty as you approached the gray building. This was a whole new level of anxiety from before. Maybe it was because you were giving your painting to Neuvillette this time.

Well, you've learned from experience that there was no point in putting things like these off. If he doesn't accept it, maybe I can beg him to let me stay here forever, you thought, half-jokingly.

You walked over to your painting and uncovered it. It was all dry now. It didn't look as good as you hoped, but it was finished and there was nothing you could do now. 

"Here, Monsieur Neuvillette, please take a look at my painting."

Neuvillette stepped up next to you and gazed at your painting in silence. That was normal, except for the fact that the silence stretched on unusually long. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

"...Did you paint a dragon here?" Neuvillette said at last, pointing at the blue, wavy lines in the center of your painting.

"Yes...?" you said. Oh no, is it so ugly that he can't even recognize what it is?

"Why?"

"Why...?" The clipped, blunt tone of your voice made you panic. You shouldn't have done this after all. "Well...because dragons are...cool...and amazing...and stuff, like you. I mean, my favorite story when I was little was the story of the hydro dragon, and now that I'm underwater, I thought that it'd be cool to imagine the dragon swimming in the sea. So I wanted to put that in this painting. Which I am giving to you, sir. As a gift."

Your explanation sounded lame even in your ears, even though it was the truth. And come to think of it, did the hydro dragon even swim? The tales you knew only spoke about it being able to make it rain.

"You're giving me your painting as a gift?" Neuvillette repeated.

"Um...you don't have to accept it if you don't want it..." You were seriously considering jumping out of one of those watery walls right now.

"Perish the thought. I shall frame it and put it in my office."

"Huh!?"

"I think it's your finest work yet. You captured the essence of what it is like being underwater perfectly."

"Really? Oh, uh, please don't put it in your office, sir. It's embarrassing..."

"Embarrassing? Not at all. It deserves to be displayed for all the citizens of Fontaine to see."

Now you felt like jumping out into the water for a different reason.

"No, no, please don't do that...it's just my way of saying thank you for everything you've done for me. You encouraged me, brought me to all sorts of wonderful places, even here...and yet I've never done anything for you."

Neuvillette turned to look at you then. There was alarm in his eyes. "A thank you gift? Does that mean our trips together are ending?"

"What, no!" you exclaimed. "I just wanted to thank you in some way, for being a good friend. I'm not rich or powerful or anything, so this is all I can give you."

Silence hung in the air. You said it. You said the f-word. But you didn't regret it. Even if it was one-sided, that was who he was to you. You looked straight into his eyes, almost daring him to say something.

He leaned forward until his face was right next to your ear. Your breath caught. 

"I wouldn't trade your gift for any amount of gold or jewels."

Neither of you said anything more on the trip back to the surface.

[dipplinduo]

Woe, applins be upon ye

I took creative liberties when drawing Sweet n Sour >_<. I just think it’s INCREDIBLY funny if Sour is smaller than your average Applin cause that means Kieran got knocked over by this tiny apple filled with fury.

Also, they’re surrounded by daisies! Daisies represent loyal love, joy, and new beginnings. Though, they also used to be used as a euphemism for death due to an old poem which described the dead as “pushing up daisies”. Interesting flowers due to the dichotomy of their meaning, which is why they’re some of my favorite!

AWWWW MYYYYY GOSHHHHH Thank you so much I love love love love getting fanart and you made me so happy!!! Their personalities are shining and I love the daisy lore you added!!

[butcherlarry]

Weekly Fic Recs 71

Howdy, howdy everyone! I hope you all enjoy these fic recs :D

Stargazer by LemonadeGarden @lemonadegarden - Batfam, complete. Jason gets seriously injured and has to recuperate at the manor. While there, he makes a bucket list of all the things he wanted to do before he died the first time. Bruce finds it and a father-son bonding road trip ensues. I was also charmed by Damian, and his love of watching R rated movies :)

just a secret under lock and key until then by dio_icaurtica @dio-icarticaae - Superfam, complete. Superman gets hit by some silver kryptonite, acts a bit high, and spills some details of his secret identity. Nothing that lots of cuddling, snuggling, and purring with the whole Superfam can't take care of :)

Patchwork Pod by Ktkat9 @ktkat99 - Superbat, Batfam, Superfam, wip. More of the mer Bruce fic :) Some discussion about Damian's unconventional mer diet.

every cat has its day by pomeloquat @pomeloquat - Batfam, wip. An adorable fluffy fic about cat hybrid Bruce and all of his children :)

Star Tied by Imagine_sleeping - Superbat, wip. A Krypton lives AU where Kal-El is looking for his soulmate. His search leads him to Earth, specifically to Batman. Shenanigans ensue.

Fever Hot by TiniestGoblin @sing-a-sirensong - Superbat, complete. Bruce is sick and doesn't want to do bed rest. Clark comes up with a creative way to convince him.

I Need You Like The Moon Needs The Sun by TiniestGoblin - Superbat, complete. Takes place after Justice League movie. Bruce and Clark get to know each other and fall in love 💖

Mission: seducing Superman by Speechless_since_1998 @mylifeisfruk4ever - Superbat, wip. More of Battinson trying to seduce Superman (and succeeding!).

The Coming of the Season by SalParadiseLost @salparadiselost - Batfam, complete. Omegaverse and teenage parent Bruce! Bruce had his first child, Dick, young, and his next two children, Jason and Tim, in his twenties. Featuring, divorcees Bruce and Harvey, feral Alpha Tim, and omegaverse worldbuilding that I go feral over.

business time by pomeloquat - Superbat, complete. Clark uses terrible euphemisms for sex when talking (and fucking) Bruce. It's a problem. Oh god, I about died laughing while reading the office sex scene 😆

Happy reading!

[wraithlafitte]

wraith's "smut words" tier list

as someone who has extensively consumed smut in my life, i feel qualified to curate this tier list of words and euphemisms used in smut writing. 🧐

disclaimer: some of these words depend on context and are in tiers based on my initial reaction when i come across them. others are kink-sensitive, also depending on context. some of them i am simply tired of reading. enjoy sluts

yes some of these are very specific things i have read and hated please never do that again

whoring under the cut! MNDI!

S - is for slay

cock • pussy • arousal • cum • cunt • ass • breasts • fuck (verb) • whimper • groan • contort(ed/ing) • squirm • clit • full • grind • thrust • gasp • pound(s/ed/ing) • needy

A - not my first choice but better than some other options. still pretty slay

hardness • dick • walls • length • moan • shriek • dripping • pump(ed/ing) • heat • warmth • piston • grunt • flutter (ref. walls) • release • drill(ed/ing) • spill • pulse (verb) • hilt • bare • leaking

B - mid. boring. might make me laugh

wetness • sex (ref. genitals) • mound (pubic) • balls • spend • "cum" (spoken) • tits • slit (ref. penis head) • finish • hole(s) • raw • slick • velvet(y) • buck(ed/ing) • bulge • tent • tip • g-spot • soft spot • hard on • climax(ed/ing) • coming • vulva

C - sus/pushing it. i am def trying to figure out what it means and/or laughing

painfully hard • shaft • load • "cumming" (spoken) • mounds (ref. breasts) • scream • sopping • butt • nub • digit(s) • bundle of nerves • pleasure (verb) • rut(ted/ting) • mewl • seed • rock hard

D - ummm what. pardon. either too creative or not creative enough

spongy spot • folds • slit (ref. vulva) • come • penis • vagina • boobs • nipples • gushing • bud (ref. clit) • buds (ref. nips) • sticky • squelch(ed/ing) • crotch • naked • erect • wanton hole

F - IMMEDIATELY NO. burn in hell and also i'm screaming laughing

keening (that word does NOT mean what you think it means)• weeping (ref. vagine) • member • peaks • globes (ref. butt cheeks) • SENSITIVE NUB • wet cave (ref. mouth) • breed • cream(y) • licking a stripe • special spot • womb • globs • baby batter • throbbing panty twirler • clotted cream (ref. cum) • moist insides