#i blended each sin into the story but still tried to make it more glaring

[konigbabe]

ONE WEEK TO GO and I am participating in all seven days. ♡ Working days and nights to finish in time.

Have a day 1 NSFW teaser in the process (and I swear, this is Gojo centred):

We're hosting NSFW Gojo Week 2023!!!

Hosted by: @lemonlover1110 @violetsaffron5 @septembersums @ayyy-pee @xo2dee

Hellooooooo! With season 2 of Jujutsu Kaisen quickly approaching, we're excited to announce we are hosting a NSFW Gojo Week and would love for you to join us this September in participating!!! This includes:

Fanfics

Drabbles

Fanart

Cosplay

And more!

Check out the links below for more info!

Carrd - For guidelines/rules, AO3 Collection, etc.

Twitter - Give us a follow!

CuriousCat - For any questions you may have!

Prompts list:

Please make sure to read the rules on our Carrd before joining as this is an 18+ event!!!!

** EDIT: If you’d like to participate, please send one of the mods a DM letting us know! We will add your name to this post. When you post your work, @ one of us so we can link your work here as well!

Participants:

konigbabe

teddiiursula

lanitoplayaa

moniheartz

peachsayshi

libroparaiso

[classysassy9791]

Sometimes its the quieter moments that speak the loudest. A story of love, laughter, and friendship carried through the years during the most wonderful season of all. Full of fluff and Christmas cheer. Interconnecting One-shots.

Fandom: Inuyasha Genre: Romance/Friendship Pairings: InuKag, MirSan, SessKagu Ch. 1 l Ch. 2 l Ch. 3 l Ch. 4 l

Chapter 5: All I Want for Christmas is You (part 1 of 2) Word Count: 2590 Can also be found here

.

.

.

Kagome knew she was blushing.

She could feel the heat growing in her cheeks as she continued to stare across the room to where the object of her affections sat. Inuyasha sat at the dining room table, his face screwed in concentration, as he battled against frosting and gingerbread.

He had somehow managed to get icing everywhere, including his face and hair. He lifted his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean, and then running his tongue slowly over his lips to catch any remnants. Her heart beat quickened, and she shamelessly thought that his lips looked very kissable.

“Kagome?”

Biting her lip, Kagome watched in a daze as Inuyasha began to slip off his button-up shirt, grumbling something about it being one of his nicer ones, leaving his arms bare and his chest covered only by a wife-beater. She could practically feel the drool drip down her chin as he continued his work, his forearms flexing.

What she wouldn’t give for him to wrap those arms around her.

“Kagome, are you still there?”

Sango’s voice over the receiver finally startled Kagome out of her audacious musings, further deepening her blush.

“Y-Yes, I’m still here.” She immediately turned around and proceeded back into the kitchen, covering her face with her hand as if to hide her rosy cheeks. “Sorry about that. What were you saying?”

“I was saying that I won’t be able to join you guys today. Since my dad and Kohaku went to the hockey game, my mom needs me to run some errands with her.”

“Oh, well that’s all right,” Kagome said, while simultaneously trying to cool her blush by fanning herself. It didn’t help that the oven was on, making the room feel much hotter than it probably was. “I think we can survive without you this time.”

“Really?” Sango spoke skeptically. “You think you’ll be able to keep the boys in line?”

Kagome pondered for a moment before smiling sheepishly. “Well, I’ve left them unsupervised for a few minutes and they haven’t caused a disaster yet. So that’s a good thing, right?”

Sango exhaled deeply on the other line. “Well, just tell them if they don’t behave, I’ll castrate the both of them.”

“Sango!” Kagome shrieked, all efforts of disposing of her blush now gone to waste. “Since when have your threats become so crass?”

She could hear her chuckle on the other line. “Since the boys stopped believing I could actually beat them up – which, by the way, I still can.”

Rolling her eyes, Kagome leaned the phone in the crook of her neck, held in place by her shoulder. “If you say so.”

“Inuyasha, what the hell is that?” Miroku’s voice came from the dining room.

“What are you talkin’ about? It’s a house.”

“More like a haunted mansion. Seriously, do you even know what a house looks like?”

Inuyasha scoffed. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“Language, boys!” Kagome called out before turning her attention back to the phone. “Look, Sango, I have to go. But call me later tonight after you’re done helping your mom.”

“Will do. Good luck!”

“Thanks,” she murmured sarcastically. The girls said their goodbyes, allowing Kagome to return to her task at hand, as well as the sinful thoughts she had minutes earlier.

Even though she told Sango it was okay, she silently berated her for canceling on them, leaving her to fend for herself against Inuyasha and Miroku’s usual depravity. Although, she couldn’t help but wonder how much damage they could do with some icing and gingerbread.

Sighing deeply, she took a moment to pull herself together. She breathed in the aroma of that perfect blend of spicy and sweet, filling her home with warmth not just from the oven. Gumdrops, marshmallows, and coconut shavings separated, Kagome gathered up their respective bowls and proceeded toward the dining room where she was sure to find disarray.

“Hey, here are some more—“ Her words cut off as she paused in the entryway.

The boys froze upon her entrance, each holding a tube of icing, and looking as if they had just been caught with their hands in Santa’s cookie jar. She glanced over their makeshift masterpieces, and almost laughed at the appearance of Inuyasha’s gingerbread house – which looked more like a lean-to.

But that was not what caused her to stop in her tracks. Somehow, icing was everywhere; on the table, smeared across the chairs, and even on Inuyasha’s face – again.

“He started it!” Inuyasha called out, immediately putting down his weapon when he realized they had been caught.

“Me?” Miroku rebutted with raised brows. “You’re the blockhead who couldn’t take a little constructive criticism!”

“Keh! Who asked for your opinion?”

“I merely tried to assist in your foundation!”

The two men, faces flushed from the heat of the argument, looked absolutely ridiculous, more-so because of the entirety of the situation. Kagome couldn’t even be angry with them for destroying her mother’s dining room or wrecking their gingerbread experiment.

She just found it so funny.

And she started laughing, haphazardly placing the bowls on the table as she watched their dumbfounded expressions. Inuyasha tilted his head like a puppy dog. “What’re you laughing at?” he asked innocently, as if he had no clue what kind of predicament he was in. “Do I have something on my face?”

Kagome wiped a tear from her eye and pointed to his face. “You have some icing there.”

He reached up to swipe at his cheek, but missed entirely, only causing Kagome’s smile to widen.

“Here,” she offered, grabbing a napkin and stepping close. “Let me.”

She wiped away the frosting, dabbing his face lightly, and granted him an amused smile. “Uh, thanks,” he grumbled, his voice husky as a light blush warmed his cheeks.

Kagome tugged on his hair playfully, pulling another glob of frosting free. “You sure are a handful, you know that?” she murmured affectionately.

It took her a full thirty seconds to realize their noses were only a few inches apart and she could feel his warm breath caressing her skin. Her gaze wandered to his lips and she swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“K-Kagome?” Inuyasha whispered, effectively snapping her out of her stupor.

Eyes wide, she suddenly pulled back, feeling heat creep up the back of her neck and flush her cheeks. “Uh, th-there you go,” she fumbled, clearing her throat. “Much better.”

Inuyasha blinked, as if he too had just realized what they had been doing.

Fortunately, as the awkwardness of the situation settled over them, Miroku decided to call out with, “Kagome, I have some frosting on my face, too! Can you come help me?”

Kagome turned to him, chuckling at his child-like pout and hopeful expression. “Sure.”

“Clean your own damn face!” Inuyasha snapped, sending Miroku a heated glare.

“But Inuyasha, why does the beautiful Kagome get to help you and not me?”

Ignoring the insults the boys threw at each other, along with a few pieces of gingerbread and candy, Kagome worked to calm her racing heart. She sighed, watching as they bickered, and realized her school-girl crush on Inuyasha was working its way deeper into her chest, leaving her at a loss.

On the bright side, she knew one thing was for certain.

Inuyasha and Miroku would never be allowed to build gingerbread houses again.

...

A low hum of Christmas music played in the background, coupled with the crackle and pop of the fire in the grand hearth. The beautifully embellished tree towered over them, lights twinkling across the glossy ribbons and brightly colored paper.

Kagome pulled another piece of tape from the dispenser and expertly folded the corner of wrapping paper, sealing it in place. She smiled at her handiwork, rather proud at how far she had come since she was a child. Her mother taught her well.

Glancing over, she realized not everyone had gotten better when it came to wrapping presents, evidenced by Inuyasha’s catastrophe. He currently attempted to tape together an odd-shaped gift for their friend, Shippo, but he was having no luck in making it look pretty.

Sango suddenly exhaled deeply, pushing away her latest gift into her growing pile. “Well, I’m ready for some more hot cocoa.” She stood up from where she had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, stretching her arms high over her head to loosen the muscles. “Anyone else want some?”

“Sure,” Kagome replied, handing her cup over, as well as Inuyasha’s when he distractedly agreed.

“Come on, Miroku,” Sango urged, nudging him with her foot. “Help me in the kitchen.”

“But I’m not done wrapping my gift yet,” he protested, proceeding to fold another corner.

Sango swiftly kicked him again. “I can’t carry four cups by myself.”

Pouting, he slowly climbed to his feet and grabbed their mugs. “I’ve only finished half of my gifts. This is going to take all night!”

“Oh, quit complaining. It’s not our fault you take your sweet time,” Sango berated him as they ventured into the kitchen, the sounds of their conversation fading.

Kagome smiled and turned to Inuyasha, who was still struggling with his present. “Some things never change,” she murmured, shaking her head affectionately. “Here, let me help.”

“No, I got it,” he assured, attempting to pull apart a piece of tape that had somehow stuck to itself.

She rolled her eyes at his pride. “Inuyasha, at least let me show you. That way you can do it yourself next time.”

He opened his mouth to refuse her help again, but at the same time managed to tear the paper wide open, resulting in having to start all over.

Kagome smiled warmly. “Let me.”

Scooting closer, she tore the paper off and began again. She folded the edges of his present neatly, her nimble fingers working quickly to tape it together. Inuyasha crossed his arms, grumbling under his breath that he was doing just fine and didn’t need any help.

While he watched her work, he suddenly turned to her and asked, “Hey, what do you want for Christmas, Kagome?”

She raised her brows with surprise, sparing him a glance. “You haven’t finished all your shopping yet?”

“Nah. I still have Miroku and Sango to do, but the rest are done.”

“Yeah, I still have a few to pick up, too,” she hummed in agreement.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

She looked up at him innocently. “Hm?”

“What do you want for Christmas?”

She shrugged and turned back to wrapping the gift. “Nothing really.”

He furrowed his brows with surprise. “Nothing?” he parroted. “You always have a Christmas list made out in July. What do you mean ‘nothing’?”

“I just don’t want anything this year. Is that a crime?”

He didn’t miss the light blush that dusted her cheeks. “Uh, yeah, for you it is. What’s going on—?”

“Here we are!” Miroku exclaimed as he and Sango suddenly reappeared, effectively interrupting Kagome and Inuyasha’s conversation, which Kagome was all too happy for.

After all, how could she tell him what she really wanted for Christmas?

Sango handed her a cup of hot cocoa, which Kagome quickly took a sip, relishing in the warm chocolate taste and sweet hint of marshmallow. “Perfect, as always.”

 “So, did you guys finish your holiday shopping?” Sango asked as she took a break from wrapping gifts.

“We were just talking about that. I still have Souta to buy for, but he should be easy.” Kagome curled her hands around her mug and sighed. “My gramps will be hard, though. I never know what to buy him.”

As the conversation turned to brainstorming ideas of what to buy for the rest of their family and friends, Kagome could feel Inuyasha stealing glances at her. Her answer to his question had left him confused, and contrary to popular belief, Inuyasha wasn’t as dense as he seemed.

...

December twenty-fourth rolled around, and just like many years before, Kagome found herself at Sango’s place to celebrate. However, she wasn’t really in much of a partying mood, even after a few glasses of eggnog.

She had Inuyasha to thank for that.

It had been a week and Kagome still hadn’t told him what she wanted for Christmas. Time was quickly running out, and at this rate, he had told her she would be receiving her present late. Not many stores were open on Christmas, and it was already seven o’clock at night.

Determined to avoid him and his insistent questioning, Kagome had ducked into a different room or another crowd all night. It was rather exhausting, not leaving much energy for actually enjoying the party.

Finally, she had given up on evading him. Curled up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate in front of the fire place, she gazed at the hearth absently. She listened to the low hum of Christmas music playing in the background, sometimes drowned out by the laughter of some of the guests.

Over the years, the parties at Sango’s place had grown. Extended relatives joined in, some newly married or recent parents, as well as neighbors or friends whose family had all passed and had nowhere to go. Sango’s home was a place of solace during the holidays. After all, no one should be alone on Christmas.

Inuyasha suddenly plopped down next to her, effectively startling her, but when she realized who it was, she smiled. “Having a good time?” she greeted him.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

She nodded her head behind her to where his half-brother and his girlfriend were speaking with Ms. Higurashi. “How do you feel about Kagura?”

“Keh,” he scoffed, following her gaze. “She’s all right. Sesshomaru’s more tolerable when she’s around, so that’s nice.”

Kagome laughed. “Yeah, I can see how she can keep him in line.”

Silence fell over them as Kagome sipped on her cocoa. She stole glances at Inuyasha out of the corner of her eye. He wore a red cashmere sweater that fit snug in all the right places and he had pushed up his sleeves to his elbows due to how warm it was inside.

God, did he look good.

“So…” Inuyasha prodded hesitantly, effectively pulling Kagome’s gaze back to his own. “Are you ever going to answer my question?”

She already knew what he was referring to. Averting her gaze to her cup of hot chocolate, she watched the marshmallows float in the milky-brown. “I already told you.”

“That wasn’t a real answer.” He wrapped his arms around her bended legs, resting his chin on her knees.

She gazed into his amber eyes, flecked with firelight, and affectionately tousled his hair. “I don’t want anything,” she tried again, hoping to ward him off with a smile.

He didn’t buy it. “Liar.” He pulled her hand free from his hair and held it. “I’m serious. What’s going on?”

Kagome swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, feeling her stomach pool with unfamiliar warmth and the feel of Inuyasha’s calloused hands against her own. She felt heat flush her cheeks, and it wasn’t from the warmth of the fire. “Inuyasha…”

His hand tightened around hers. “Tell me, Kagome. What do you want for Christmas?”

She wasn’t sure where her courage came from, but she suddenly found herself taking the proverbial leap of faith. So while staring into the amber eyes that gave her butterflies, in a small, breathy whisper, she spoke a single word.

“You.”

[geeky-introvert]

Blue Rose . Ubbe x OC

Summary: An arranged marriage was made between a Saxon princess and Ubbe to gain land in England. She promised herself to be a good wife to the heathen and would do her best to please him, but when he ignores her and doesn’t even make an effort to spend time with her she doesn’t know what to think or how to feel about the marriage....One-Shot.

Word count: 2244

Warning: Angst, fluff, Ivar is a dick and Ubbe an idiot.

Tag list:  @lisinfleur @mdlady @didiintheblog @alicedopey @rekdreams247​ @mblaqgi @oddsnendsfanfics @aphnxrising @happydaysandersen  @therealcalicali @naaladareia @inforapound @captstefanbrandt  @waiting4inspiration @tabalugax @p8tn0lish @igetcarriedawaywithyou  @laketaj24 @darlingp @tephi101 @youbloodymadgenius  @lordsexmachine @wonderlandofsu 

If anyone else wants to be added to the tag list let me know please. 

When Roe was told she was to be married she had expected it to happen sooner or later, after all it was her duty to become a wife and a mother. But what she never expected for even a moment in her life was she was to be married to a Heathen, a son of Ragnar.

This news of course shocked her, and even felt a little scared after hearing all the horrible stories of what Heathens did across England. People called them devils sent by hell to punish others for their sins. But Rose knew she was better than that, to judge before seeing it with her own eyes wasn’t something she ever did.

So, putting on a brave face she accepted her fate, for the sake of her father’s kingdom, knowing he was only trying to do the right thing by giving the Heathens land they so desired as we’ve also heard it was Ragnar’s dream to farm. He was giving them a chance.

It was a few months before and during this time she even took up to learn the language of them, to make an impression perhaps and show her devotion to their culture.

Rose said her farewells to her family, mother, father, brothers and sisters. Many tears were shed but she promised they’ll meet again soon. The nuns gave her blessings over again, perhaps too many, for god to protect her soul and no matter what happens to be accepted into heaven when her time comes.

Then she set sail for the first time in her life, to a land unknown to her where she’ll live and be married to a son of Ragnar and prince of Kattegat. She didn’t even know what he looked like, all she was told was she was to marry Ragnar’s eldest from his second wife, Ubbe.

The trip took a few days before she heard the horns coming from the settlement. Her heart beat quickly, feeling nervous but put on a brave face as they docked. They were greeted by some of the guards and were led to the hall with her own Saxon guards following. Many eyes were on them but she tried not to be intimidated by them as she wore her cloak and hood, feeling the difference with the cold weather here then what she was used to.

Rose admitted she admired the difference here then her home. No large castles, only cabins and the large wooden hall just like the villages she’s visited sometimes. It was gorgeous. 

Once entering the hall she met with Queen Aslaug and right away respected her with a bow. She was kind to her, which she was grateful for and thanked my guards before they left to head back to England. She was taken into one of the back rooms then where she was right away to have a warm bath to wash away to sea salt from her body and given new clothes suited for the environment here. The thick furs and wool was something she wasn’t used to but she knew she would, unable to stop herself from nuzzling into them with a warm smile.

Her hair was braided like it never has been before and admired the beautiful work from the thralls looking at herself in the mirror liking how she looked. She was still herself but dressed so differently. Coming back out she saw four men now at the table eating with their mother who right away stood up giving her a soft smile.

“Come child.“ She says leading her towards the table with which she assumed were her sons. So she was to marry one of them, but who?

“Ubbe, this is Rose. She’s to be your wife.” Aslaug announces and her eyes met with the eldest of her sons.

He was very handsome she’ll silently admit, well, they all were, but to know her husband wasn’t some old, fat slob did make her better about this arrangement.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Prince Ubbe.” She says in their language surprising them all.

Ubbe stood up and slowly comes around the table, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles with a warm and charming smile. “The pleasure is mine, Princess Rose.”

The moment between them seemed calm before it was interrupted.

“A Christian? Really mother?” Ivar asks with an amused giggle.

“This marriage it’ll gain our people lands from her father. After all it was Ragnar’s dream to farm in other lands, right?” She asks and soon her sons agreed.

Though she did feel a bit small noticing his brothers all staring at her, judging but also hungry eyes just from the stories she’s heard before. Doing her best she ignored this and focused on Ubbe, knowing he was the one going to be her husband.

Everything seemed like it will be perfect.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The wedding was set in three days time. Aslaug was very sweet and kind to her, making her feel welcome in such a strange new land, she was grateful for that. However she didn’t see much of Ubbe but she wasn’t too worried about this, knowing he was a prince and had other duties to do before their big day.

When the day came, she was dressed in such a strange way and one she enjoyed. Her mind was very open, welcoming all sorts of new things into her life.

There was no church, it was all outdoors and she honestly felt more free like this as she walked down towards Ubbe, dressed himself and waiting for her.

She offered him a warm smile and he returned a smile back before the ceremony went on. It was very different then her people’s ways, but she was willing to learn, to accept and to embrace this new life with their gods as well.

What probably scared her the most was when she had blood flicked onto her face from the goat that was sacrificed before, ways her people never believed in. But it seemed so natural for them and so she put on a brave face.

She wished her family was here to see her married off.

When they were announced husband and wife he then leans down, kissing her tenderly. It was warm and his beard tickled her but it was a good first kiss.

In that moment she felt everything was going to be alright. However, the moment they returned to the hall, that was when she realised that it wasn’t going to be so perfect.

The hall was filled with music, food and many drunks, everyone celebrating the feast while she sat at the large table by herself, Ubbe with his brothers blending in the crowd. They weren’t like princes where she came from, they liked to be part of the people.

But what bothered her was that Ubbe hasn’t even said much to her since they first met a few days ago, and now he wasn’t even making an effort to sit with her, hsi wife. She didn’t want to be bothered like this but she was and wanted to spend time with her new husband, get to know him and learn more.

Everything was still new though, she’ll wait for when he was ready.

Hearing his loud laughter caught her attention and she looked over to see him pretty happy with his brothers making her sigh and pick at her food. Not the kind of wedding she imagined, but guess nothing was ever perfect in life.

Give him time she told herself, he’ll warm up eventually.

As the night went on as he continued to stay away, not even asking her to dance with her. So she let Aslaug know she was going to retire and she went to tell Ubbe this. She was prepared, the night she’ll lose her virtue and she was ready for it. Perhaps after tonight he’ll become better.

The thralls helped her change into a nightdress and sat on the bed, waiting, and waiting, for what felt like an hour perhaps. The feast outside her room died down and she knew he wasn’t coming to bed her that night.

Rose felt sad, unwanted. Was she not what he wanted in a wife? Perhaps it was because she was a Christian, but that couldn’t be all. She didn’t know and she was too tired to even worry about it anymore. Laying down she pulled the furs over her and silently cried herself to sleep, hoping tomorrow was a better day.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

It wasn’t a better day. In fact, the weeks that went by were no better.

Ubbe continued to ignore Rose, just casually giving her simple greetings but not spending any time with her or even sleeping in the same bed. She didn’t understand what she did wrong for him to behave like this. Even Aslaug looked concerned.

Rose would spend most of her days walking around Kattegat by herself with the furs wrapped around her before sitting by the shore and staring out in the water.

She missed her family so much and honestly after the weeks passed all she wanted was to go home and be hugged by her mother again. Quiet tears streamed down her cheek as she took in silence for a bit.

“You know you could swim back?” Ivar suddenly crawls over to her with that amused grin.

“Pardon?” She questions unsure what he meant.

“Swim back to England, it’s where you want to be after all.”

“But...I can’t swim that far, I’ll drown after exhaustion.”

“And?” He carelessly shrugs making her glare and turn her gaze back on the water. “No need to pout like that. Ubbe is no prince charming you Christians dream about, he’s a viking like your nightmares told throughout your people. You can’t change him.”

“Who said I wanted to change him?” Out of the brothers Ivar was her least favourite. “I just...all I want is to spend time for him at least once, is that too much to ask?”

“I don’t really care for your problems, I’m simply telling you to swim home. Not like you’ll be missed, not even Ubbe will notice you gone.” With those harsh words said he then leaves her on the beach by herself again.

More tears streamed down her cheeks from his cruel words, each one hitting her harder and harder. What a horrible man.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Aslaug approached her sons as they all sparred together in an arena training for the next raid. She watches Ubbe, judging him before waving him over.

“Ubbe, I want a word with you.”

“What’s wrong, mother?” He asks panting softly.

“Why are you ignoring your wife?”

Now this got all their attention as Ubbe stared at her, looking confused.

“I’m not ignoring her…”

“Yes you are.” Ivar giggles going back to sharpening his dagger.

“What? No, I’m only giving her space, time to adjust.” He explains making Aslaug sigh.

“Son, you’re smarter than that. You’ve left her alone for weeks, you’ve hurt her.” She says coming closer to him. “Now, do the right thing and go talk to your wife.”

Rose grew more tired as she cried before eventually headed back to the hall. It wasn’t like there was much else for her to do. As she walks along the beach looking at the sand a shadow caught her attention making her look up. She was surprised to see Ubbe.

“Prince Ubbe…” She murmured softly bowing her head respectfully.

“Please, no need for that.” He says coming closer to her. “Just call me Ubbe.”

Looking up at him she nods at him.

“Have I hurt you?” His sudden question lingers through her.

“Why do you ask?” Of course she was hurt, was he that blind?

“My mother tells me that I have.”

She wasn’t sure how to answer that. Lying was pointless, and she was raised better than that, so she told him the truth with how she felt.

“Yes, you’ve hurt me.”

Her answer makes him sigh as if he had no idea. “I’m sorry, shit, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was only giving you space, time to adjust to this life. I thought I was doing the right thing...guess I was wrong.”

“That’s it?” She questions through furrowed brows. “You’ve...been avoiding me to give me space? I thought...all this time I thought you hated this marriage, that you wanted nothing to do with me. Yes, for weeks I’ve been hurt, I thought you hated me....”

Her eyes again teared up and tried holding them back until she felt herself being held in his arms and against his chest, his soothing hushes filling her ears and warmth wrapping around her body as she leaned into his body, savouring it.

“I feel like an idiot.” He murmurs against her ear. “I’m sorry, Rose. You deserve much better than that. I promise, no more, I’m here for you now, whatever you like I’ll do.”

“Well…” She sniffles softly. “We never got to have our first dance.”

Looking down at her through his blue shining eyes he caresses her cheeks and gave her a charming smile. Yes, this was what she imagined. Her prince charming. Leaning down he gives her a kiss, just like on their wedding.

“Than let’s do that.”

Ubbe takes her back to the hall where he ordered music to be played before taking her hands and showing her some of their cultures dances. For the first time in weeks she felt herself smile. This was the life she could love, a life to savour with her husband.

Now she believed she could be very happy.

[wellhellotragic]

If Looks Could Kill 5/27

Summary: Emma Swan is a dedicated FBI agent getting over a bad breakup. When she and her partner, Ruby Lucas, are forced to go undercover as contestants on a reality show, Emma is forced to try and win the affections of Killian Jones, a man she despises.

Killian Jones is a lost boy. Having recently been nicknamed the ‘Bad Boy of Boston,’ he’s been living up to his moniker using women and rum to avoid dealing with his dark past. When he’s forced to take the lead in a reality show, he encounters a gorgeous blonde who turns his world upside down.

Miss Congeniality meets The Bachelor

Rated: M for language, violence, and smut.

Catch up here: 1, 2, 3, 4

He felt the blood rushing to his face, among other places, as the embarrassment seeped it. Admittedly though, even the hint of Emma Fowler thinking about him in bed was enough to direct some of the blood flow elsewhere.

Emma had made it fairly clear the evening before though that she wasn’t the overly flirty type by nature, and Ruby had informed him that Emma was only there as a favor. She couldn’t actually be thinking about that, could she? No, this was a game, and in that moment he became determined to win.

As fast as Emma and her friend had erupted into laughter, they sobered up. He looked around and the production crew was still fighting off snickers and smirks. Thoroughly confused now, he looked to Mary Margaret, who nudged her head down the table as a sign of encouragement to keep going.

The next two dishes, while not awful, were lackluster at best. Some of the women had clearly gone all out trying to provide a Michelin Starred meal beyond their abilities, and then he came to the two girls on the end.

Game on.

“So.” he started, “What have we here?”

Ruby replied, “It’s a devil’s food cake!”

While giving Ruby a lust-filled smile he asked, “And may I assume that it tastes as sinful as you look?” He licked him bottom lip for emphasis.

The woman in front of him blushed, and out of the corner of his eyes he could have sworn he saw Emma frown, but when he turned his head towards her, there was nothing but neutrality.

“You tell me.” Her voice was slightly lower.

He took a bite from a slice she had already carved, letting out a small smile.

“The best thing I’ve had in my mouth all day. I can’t wait to see what else you can do in the kitchen.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Perhaps it was a bit more forward than he had been since the show started, but he was finally having some fun with it. Some of the women were attractive after all, even if they weren’t all that intelligent, but that’s what he needed he supposed. None of these women were going to be his wife at the end of this. Regina had already promised him as much, so why was he fighting this? These women were falling over themselves to be with him, and how could he deny them.

Then there was Emma. She was different from the rest in every way that mattered, and it terrified him. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him what it would be like to wake up in bed next to her each morning, for her green eyes to be the first thing he saw. He could see them sitting at his table eating breakfast together side by side. He could imagine her at the bar with Robin and Will giving them a hard time. No, that line of thought needed to end.

No. This is all it could ever be, this game being played between them. “Emma,” he said with just a slight warning.

She refused to meet his eyes keeping her gaze on the sandwich in front of her. Apparently she had no intention of speaking to him now either. He paused for a moment waiting for any sort of response from her, but nothing came.

Finally as he picked up the sandwich, a plan began to form in his mind. He let out a small purposeful moan. As he did so, he could see the red tinge in her cheeks rapidly darkening. He said nothing else to her.

Stepping back he addressed all of the contestants in the room again.

“Ladies, this as been a real treat, and in some cases,” he turned back to Emma, “a truly eye opening experience. I’ll deliberate for a bit and get back to you soon.”

He turned to follow Mary Margaret out of the room, but he just couldn’t help himself as he took one last look at Emma.

“Oh, and Emma.”

That caught her attention as she finally made eye contact. He licked his bottom lip again, briefly sucking it in and letting it graze his top teeth. “What ever noises I may make in the bedroom, will be nothing compared to the way you’ll scream my name.”

Without waiting for her reaction, he left, knowing he had won this round.

Ruby was mischievous by nature, so Emma hadn’t been the least bit surprised that Ruby had thrown her to the proverbial wolves. She was, however, completely shocked by the voice that came through her ear bud.

“Swan. Lucas. Care to explain?” There was sternness in Graham’s voice that neither of the women had heard before, and all of the humor had been zapped from the room.

Both women stood in complete silence, not daring to say anything else that could get them in trouble. Emma barely even registered that Killian was walking towards her, much less speaking.

“I’d like to see both of you in the van ASAP.”

She took in a deep breath trying to shake off the memories that were sure to haunt her dreams that night. Damn you Neal. It was hearing Killian say her name that finally shook her out of her thoughts.

He was watching her like she was the one he wanted to sample.

“What ever noises I may make in the bedroom, will be nothing compared to the way you’ll scream my name.”

All of the breath left her body.

“Swan, now!” Graham’s words were a growl.

She was still stunned by everything that had happened in the past few minutes. She heard Ruby’s whispered acknowledgement of Graham and turned to find her trying to figure out a way to sneak out. It was easy late at night or early in the morning while everyone was sleeping, but escaping a house full of active women was a bit more difficult.

Ruby grabbed a dollop of frosting and smeared it on Emma’s dress before grabbing a bottle of seltzer water out of the fridge. The two women excused themselves, citing that they needed to get the stain out before it set. Once they were on the third story of the mansion, they were able to duck down a hallway that their team had managed to conceal.

The hallway led to a rarely used staircase and the girls were able to duck out a side door and ran to the van.

The van was slightly cramped with two fully-grown men in it, but with five people it was crowded. Robin gave both women a slightly apologetic look knowing that he and Will had instigated everything.

“Would any of you care to explain to me what was happening in there?”

Ruby started, “We were just getting into character.”

Before she could say anything else Graham cut her off. “I’m sorry but I fail to see any of the other women in that house behaving the way you two were.”

“Well,” Will stated trying to cut the tension, “to be fair, you walked in at the absolute worst moment.”

Graham glared at him for a minute before turning back to Ruby ready to launch into her again.

Sensing this, Emma tried to explain before he could yell.

“We were doing our job. Regina said it herself, she can only get us so far, and we’ll need viewer support to continue. Ruby and I were just making sure that we made an impression. I’m sorry if it seemed inappropriate, but you clearly haven’t seen what the other girls have done.”

As she spoke she could feel the tension melting away.

“I see. And have you discovered anything that actually relates to the case?” Graham asked.

It was Robin who jumped in next. “It’s only been two days. They have to blend in first before they go storming the castle searching through her stuff. From what we can tell, she doesn’t leave her room very often.”

Graham nodded clearly rationalizing everything they had just told him.

“Perhaps I overreacted,” he said while taking a deep breath and turning to Emma. “But I should remind you that we need to maintain some shred of professionalism. We’re trying to build a case against Tamara and all of this could be considered evidence. You really want to sit in front of a jury explaining why your talking about sex noises during work?”

All of them lowered their heads. Of course anything they said might be used.

“I know you have to maintain your covers, but there’s a fine line between light flirting and making an ass of yourself.” His gaze was back on Emma.

Everything from five years ago came flooding back and she had to fight back tears.

Before anyone could say more, a small peppy voice came through the speakers.

“Um, sorry guys but we need Agents Lucas and Swan back in here now.”

Graham leaned over and pressed down on a button next to a microphone. “Of course, Agent White. They’re on their way now.”

The girls slid out of the van before they could be chastised any further and ran back to the house making use of the side door and hidden staircase. Emma made a quick pit stop in their room trying to get the stain out of her dress, but the chocolate frosting just smeared in more.

They made their way back down to the kitchen where the other woman were already congregated. Mary Margaret had them spread out in a single file line around the perimeter of the room.

She went and fetched Killian, who seemed much more relaxed than he had been since they had started the show. He quickly addressed the room.

As he was talking Emma heard Will come back through her ear.

“Buggering hell. Sorry about that ladies. He walked in without warning. He’s gone now though and I think Robin and I took the brunt of his wrath.”

Emma finally relaxed, just as Killian said three names.

“Kelly Andrews.”

As Killian said the last name he saw Emma loosen up. Had she actually been worried that she was getting sent home? He didn’t have long to contemplate it before Mary Margaret was showing him out of the kitchen and into the space set up for interviews.

Just like before he had to answer questions about each of the girls. This time though, the questions varied which Killian appreciated. There were only so many ways he could rephrase ‘she seems lovely.’

Killian talked about the different dishes that he had sampled, explaining what stood out about certain dishes. He and the interviewer had struck up an easy banter this time and he was freer with his words.

He explained that he had sent Sarah Fischer home because her lamb was still cold in the middle, like eating meat flavored ice cream. Ramona Galloway’s shepard’s pie on the other hand was burnt beyond repair. He couldn’t even stab his fork through. He stopped to make a joke about how much he loved his penthouse and didn’t want to come home to find it burned to the ground.

“Speaking of heat,” the interviewer started, “there seemed to be something cooking between you and Emma Fowler.”

Before he could help it, a huge grin had spread across his face. He could play it coy, but that wouldn’t be any fun, especially knowing how much it would bother her when she finally got to watch the episode air.

“Ya, she’s feisty. I feel like she could keep me on my toes, or at least until we made it into the bedroom, if you know what I mean.” He winked into the camera thinking of the moment she would see that part.

After his interviews were done, Mary Margaret reappeared and ushered him back to his guesthouse. She informed him that for the next three evenings, he would be engaged in-group dates. Like that morning, the girls would be divided into three groups, and he would interact with one group each night.

She handed him a list of ten places and told him to pick three of them for his dates. Looking over the list he noted that all of them were on the grounds, including the formal dinning room, stables, pool, and rear gardens. She told him the activity would be based on the location.

He randomly spouted off three of the locations and Mary Margaret wrote them down in her clipboard before leaving him alone again for the night. Something he was actually coming to dread.

He didn’t enjoy being alone with his thoughts for long periods of time. That’s why he usually found himself in the company of a random woman, hanging out with his mates, or drinking himself into oblivion. Now though, being cut off from the outside world, he had nothing to do but think of his past.

He thought of Milah’s last words to him. He thought of the first night he spent alone. He thought of the band he was no longer a part of. He thought of his brother and parents.

His mind wallowed in the pain for hours before finally finding just the slightest bit of peace that allowed him to drift to sleep. His last thought of the night was of Emma, and what it would feel like for her to be laying there next to him.

That night he dreamed of her, every sinful inch of her pressed against his body yelling out his name as she cascaded over the edge.

[harleyquilt]

The Sin of Greed (6) (Part 1)

Summary: Touka awakes in Kaneki’s room in a less than happy mood. To try and perhaps seek for some kind of forgiveness from Touka, he tells her the past that made Kaneki into the monster he is today...

Words: 10k

Notes: Ah jeez this chapter took me too long, I’m dreadfully sorry. I kept promising it would release soon but...shit happens. I really hope this chapter was at least hope the wait, even if I don’t think it is but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Feedback is appreciated and thank you for waiting!!

The blood…it was everywhere. The walls painted red, the floor a lake of scarlet and the putrid stench made Touka's mind hazy. The thick, humid air was suffocating, quick gasps escaping her as she scratched at her chest that felt tight at the lack of fresh air. It made her dizzy, her vision not focusing on anything around her whilst her thoughts screamed for her to leave this horrid place. Her knees buckled when she tried to take a step forward, not exactly knowing where it was she should be heading towards.

However, the place she was in was too dark to see anything clearly, the shadows creeping around her, ready to pull her into the unknown. Her hands curled into tight fists, trying her best to calm the rapid beating of her heart so that she could focus once again. Now wasn’t the time to panic. Frantically spinning around, Touka sought out an escape, trudging across the room again and again only to find four walls that trapped her inside.

Struggling not to lose all hope, she pressed her back against one of the walls, rubbing her face whilst trying to comprehend this whole situation. Unfortunately for her, she had very little time to try to collect her thoughts when she was pushed forward by the wall behind her. It wasn’t long before she realised the four walls were now closing in on her, entrapping her into her own tomb. Her heart started to go erratic, a cold sweat leaving her trembling as she was forced into the centre of the room that was soon to be her grave.

“No,” Touka whispered, crouching down and she pressed her hands to her ears. “Let me out. Let me out. Let me out!”

Her words became louder until they were desperate cries of fear. She slammed her fists against the thick slabs of concrete, her efforts futile. However, she then heard heavy footsteps drag themselves towards her, a wave of cold fear passing over her until the footsteps stopped right behind her, heavy breathing filling the dreadful silence. When she slowly yet shakily turned back around to try to see the looming figure, she was met with a dark shadow that towered over her, their claws wrapped around her throat tightly, cutting off her air.

She tried to scream, but all she could do was gasp for air desperately, black spots appearing in her vision. Her mind was blank, her body moving restlessly in a useless attempt to escape. She scratched at the beasts arm, kicking her legs wildly as she was held higher from the ground, the grip tightening even more and when she looked up through her half opened eyes, she saw the figure had one, red beady eye that stared down at her. Her vision started to grow blurred and unclear, air completely cut off and before she knew it-

“Touka, wake up.”

She jolted awake, her breathing heavy and her body drenched in sweat. Her eyes darted around the room, still trying to get a grip on her surroundings as everything came back to focus. She could still feel the cold touch of that shadow’s clawed hand wrapped around her throat, her breathing shallow with short gasps. However, she then felt something warm against her damp cheek, and when she narrowed her eyes to clear her vision, she saw him.

“Get away from me.” Touka screamed, pushing herself away from Kaneki, kicking her feet against him as he leaned back from her. “Y-You- I-”

“Please, Touka. Calm down.” He reached for her again but she only flinched, her arms flying up to protect her and it hurt Kaneki to see that fearful look in her eye. Her fear towards him. “You're safe now-”

“Don't talk to me. Don’t even say my name.” Touka hissed and when Kaneki leaned forward once again, she struck her hand against him and tugged off his black, leather eyepatch, Kaneki instantly reaching up to cover his damaged eye. “That's what I thought, bastard.”

However, as she looked down at the eyepatch she held in her hand and back up to Kaneki, who was lunged over, his body still and his hands covering the eye he always kept hidden, she hesitated for a slight moment. He had such an intense look in that eye of his...No, he deserved this, after the hell she's been through.

When she looked up, though, she realised she wasn't even in her room, but instead in Kaneki's room, Touka sat in his bed with a clean nightgown on her. She turned her confused gaze back to him, his one eye watching her with a guilt written look.

“Why am I here?” Touka demanded, holding onto the eyepatch tighter. “I-” Kaneki averted his gaze, biting down on his lip. “I didn't want to leave you.”

“Oh, of course. To make sure I don't escape-”

“No!” He protested, sitting up with his eye still covered. Touka noticed some scars behind his fingers, but decided not to comment. “I wanted to watch over you in case something was wrong.” Touka snorted at his soft expression, almost wanting to laugh at his words. “I didn't want you to be alone.”

“Or rather you didn't want to he alone.” She crossed her arms and scowled, but he didn't seem to react to her words.

“Perhaps.” He looked down again and Touka almost hated him for giving such a wounded look - after everything he had done, she was the victim in all this. “Could I have that back?” He pointed at the eyepatch.

“Why do you wear it?” Her ask made Kaneki freeze, his eye widened slightly until it returned back to a frown. “Are there scars you want to hide? Please share, One Eyed King. I mean, after knowing every little painful detail about me, don’t I deserve to uncover your secrets too?”

Kaneki’s jaw clenched and unclenched, pressing his lips together with his eyes downcasted. Her tone was so bitter, her words stinging with that harsh resentment laced in her low voice. He knew very well that this was simply karma getting back at him and in a way, he knew Touka deserved some answers. Still.

“It's not a nice sight-”

“Oh, I know.” Her voice was so cold, it was almost unbearable to listen to. “What happened to that confidence of yours, huh? You’re suddenly acting so vulnerable, great King. Am I hurting you?”

“It's something I'd rather not show you.”

“Good.” Kaneki glared at her, her brow raised as if silently challenging him. He took a deep breath and straightened.

“I don't have to show you anything.” Kaneki's tone was now lower and his King façade seemed to have returned for a moment. He didn't want to be cruel, not after what he just made her go through and he knew she was just being spiteful. “Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.”

He lowered his hands and slowly turned his face to her and Touka gave a horrified gasp at the sight before her - there was no eye to be covered, just an empty socket with deep, red scars carved onto the skin around it. However, what was most unnerving was the fact she had seen the same thing with the tortured man yesterday. It was exactly the same.

“W-What happened?” Touka asked before she could stop herself. She forced her gaze away, her face now pale and her stomach flipping before she handed back the eyepatch reluctantly.

She tried to tell herself that this meant nothing, but the image...It was almost like she could feel the pain herself. It wasn't a feeling, Touka decides, it wasn't a feeling she wanted to be familiar with. Even then, she wasn't willing to offer Kaneki any sympathy or pity. He was still a monster.  

“I was tortured myself once.” Kaneki sighed, tying the eyepatch back on and it was almost like nothing as horrid as the image Touka saw could be hidden beneath. “After that, I've never been the same.”

“So you weren't always like this?” She scoffed. It shouldn't be so hard to believe and yet, after everything she's seen, it was hard to think otherwise. “Don't make me laugh.”

“Well whether you believe it or not, it's true.” At this point, both Kaneki and Touka was staring at each other with determined looks, Touka clearly not taking in any of his words. “It's a long story and it's not one I'd like to recall-”

“Poor baby. Too bad, you're giving me answers and I don't give a shit if that hurts. If anything, I'm glad it hurts so please, do share.”

Kaneki flinched at her words and gave another sigh, pressing his lips together. She clearly wanted to hurt him, even if not the way he had hurt her. In any other circumstance, he'd immediately refuse and leave at this, but the gaze of hers that hardened showed that she clearly wasn't going to back down.

Maybe through this story, she could perhaps...forgive him? It was presumptuous, but he wanted to have faith that it could just maybe work. He couldn't stand that harsh look of hers.

Where to even begin…

“It started…”

9 years ago

Kaneki sat down in the corner booth with two cold drinks in his hand, handing one of them to his close companion, Hide. They often enjoyed visiting the Helter Skelter, the place a strange mix of both business and enjoyment, giving it a strange aura of mystery that always left Kaneki questioning how many secrets this place must hold.

“So,” Hide started, ruffling his wild, orange hair. “Do you see anyone cute here?”

Kaneki nudged his friend with a small laugh whilst his eyes scanned the room. There was this particular woman he had seen and had yet to tell Hide about the moment he caught that girl’s gaze the last week they came here. His heart instantly melted at the sight of her, her beauty mesmerising yet mature, nothing too flashy but no one that could simply blend in. When she entered, she owned the room, everyone knowing her name and everyone's eyes immediately on hers. However, she had only responded to Kaneki's gaze with a cute smile and wink and he knew right then that his heart would he stolen by her.

“Ah, but you should be careful of the people around here.” Hide pulled Kaneki out of his thoughts. “They're all part of different gangs and mafia groups I'd rather not get involved in.”

He was certainly right in that aspect, the people around them all in elegantly tailored suit with their own flair added to show off their titles. There was always an aura of danger that surrounded these people, something that always made Kaneki uncomfortable in his seat. He was just glad he and Hide tried to avoid such a life, at least when they're not handing over information from the company they worked for - it was easy money and it wasn't like they had much of a choice with the people that asked for such data.

“How much did we earn for today?” Kaneki asked, remembering how he handed over some files some gang member wanted them to steal.

“A lot.” Hide grinned, pulling out the wad of cash from his pocket. “I have yet to count, but just feel how heavy it is! As they like to say, information is the most valuable income.”

“As long as we don't need to kill anyone in the process.” Kaneki shook his head with a slight shudder. “I wouldn’t stoop that low.”

Before Hide could answer, the door to the bar opened and the beautiful woman walked in. Her hair was down, the long, violet locks flowing behind her. She wore a slim white dress, her appearance lighting up the room, she looked up and immediately caught the eyes of Kaneki, smiling and she gave him a small wave, making him blush in return.

“Dude.” Hide shook his arm, looking between the woman and him. “Stop staring.”

“W-What? I'm not staring, who's staring? Not me.” Kaneki hid behind his glass as he took a long sip. Hide gave him an unimpressed look and a raised brow. “Ok, maybe there is someone I find cute here.”

“That may be an understatement.” His friend chuckled, looking back to the woman. “She's certainly beautiful...maybe even too beautiful.”

He knew what Hide was trying to say - he had no chance and he was right. The times he had seen her in this bar, it seemed like she got along with everyone around her, catching the interest of all those nearby. It wouldn't have been surprising that she was involved in these gangs, but even so, Kaneki couldn't help but feel his stomach flutter when he saw her.

His eyes wandered back to her, who stood by an stoic looking man with snow white hair. However, her gaze drifted back towards Kaneki and even if it seemed stupidly presumptuous of him, he couldn't help but consider that perhaps he did have a chance to know such a beauty of a person.

They continued drinking and talking as usual until Kaneki felt someone sit down besides him, both boys staring wide eyed at the gorgeous woman who sat beside them. He immediately felt the blush rise up on his cheeks, his body tensing as the woman smiled directly at him.

“Hello, boys. My name is Rize Kamishiro.” Kaneki opened his mouth to speak, but his words only came out as a series of awkward stutters that only made Rize giggle.

“Ah, look at the time.” Hide looked down to his wrist, as if he actually wore a watch and got up to leave.  “I really gotta go, but you two have fun. It was nice meeting your Rize, even if briefly.”  

Hide flashed Kaneki a knowing smile and before Kaneki could protest, he already left the table and headed towards the door. Kaneki looked back to Rize who rested her pretty face on her hand, her eyes locked onto his. What was he even supposed to say!?

“You've got such lovely eyes.” Rize commented and Kaneki felt the urge to compliment her back, but his words failed him once again. “Such a pretty colour. I always enjoy looking at them.”

“Your e-eyes are prettier.” Kaneki nervously scratched the back of his head at the sound of Rize’s amused chuckle. “If you don't mind me asking, how come you decided to sit besides me?”

“Can't a girl enjoy a gentleman's company here?” She winked and finished his drink. He felt somewhat giddy to hear such words, Rize finding him of all people more approachable than any of the other lines of men that no doubt lusted after her.

“I've always liked sensitive men more.” She brushed his hair back, the feeling of her fingers through his hair giving him goosebumps. “They know how to treat a woman right.”

“I-I…” She leaned in and kissed his cheek, Kaneki holding in his breath as she pulled back again, withdrawing her hand.

He had expected more, but next thing he knew, she stood up and left the table, leaving nothing more than a small note and her number with a small love heart. With shaking hands, he took it and placed it into his pocket and caught Rize glancing at him once more before she started talking to someone else.

Well that escalated quickly.

. . .

Later that night he had called her and they talked for a while about meaningless things and it felt...nice. Other than Hide, he never talked much to others but he found that he had a lot in common with Rize, even if she unexpectedly made such bold movements with him.

It was like he could tell her anything and everything, the conversation flowing naturally and he felt no fear in telling her parts of himself he would usually hide from others, such as the moment he lost his mother from her overworking. There was no fear in talking with Rize, even if he felt some need to impress such a woman. She seemed understanding and kind, yet confident and free willed at the same time, unlike any woman he's met before.

“Kaneki, you're such a sweet guy.” She hummed, Kaneki unable to keep the bashful smile creeping onto his face. “But by the sounds of it, you could use some extra money.”

That wasn't necessarily the case - he lived on his own and with the extra money he earned with Hide outside of work, he was managing fine with some extra money on the side. However, he was somewhat inclined to believe that perhaps that wouldn't be enough for Rize and the last thing he wanted was for her to be disappointed with him.

“Don't worry, darling.” Her voice was now lowered, Kaneki sitting up on his bed. “I know some people you could work for instead of that crummy business you're trapped in.”

People? She wasn't referring to the gang members she hung around with at the bar, did she?

“Rize, thank you for the offer but-”

“Nothing dangerous. And the pay is definitely worth any trouble. I can send in a good word, recommend you and it'll be so easy to get you in. What do you say?” There was a long pause of doubt, nothing but paranoia floating in Kaneki's mind, but it felt cruel to reject her proposition. She was putting in a lot of effort for him after all.

“What kinds of people?” He heard her laugh a little at his question.

“They run a small business, like bodyguard work. Though of course you don't have the body for it, but I can get you in as an assistant of sorts.” That sounded...unconvincing, but he wanted to trust Rize. After all, what reason would she have to lie?

“Ok…” Kaneki mumbled his answer and Rize thanked him many times for accepting her deal. She sounded so joyful, it almost gave him relief that nothing wrong would come out in all of this.

Almost.

The next day, Rize had agreed to meet him back at the bar in the afternoon and though Hide had warned him that nothing good will come out of this, he couldn't stand the thought of rejecting Rize after she had been kind enough to offer all this to him in the first place.

At the bar, which was practically empty at this time, Rize sat at one of the tables with two other men, one of which Kaneki recognised as the white haired man from last night. He wore a simple suit and tie with a gold brooch on his lapel, nothing out of the usual to suggest he was some mafia member which reassured Kaneki in a way. The other man looked somewhat unkempt, with his long black jacket, untucked shirt with a few buttons undone on the top. His hair was jet black with his fringe cast over half his face and a distinctive beauty mark under his left eye. However, it was his smug smile that set Kaneki on edge.

Rize waved him over cheerfully and with a deep breath, he nodded and sat down opposite to her, the stoic man and his associate both examining Kaneki thoroughly. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

“Kaneki, sweetie, this is Arima Kishou.” She gestured towards the broader man, whose face gave no hint of emotion. “He runs the business I was talking about. And this is Furuta,” she then nodded towards the other man, his smile still present. “Arima’s subordinate and a...friend of mine.”

Kaneki nodded towards both men who gave no response and he suddenly felt smaller to these ‘businessmen,’ his hands twisting around the hem of his shirt nervously. Perhaps this was a bad idea; he should've listened to Hide's advice, but now he was in this mess. He looked up to Rize and she gave him a reassuring smile, calming his thoughts a little before he had fully panicked.

“I've heard you're quite good at attaining information.” Arima started and Kaneki quickly nodded, avoiding looking at the intimidating man, in the eyes. “We could always use an informant.”

Why would a businessman possibly need that?

“He looks cute.” Furuta remarked with a chuckle. “He can be our poster girl for V.”

V? He's never heard of them before and yet these guys don't look like they're from some small business...none of this was making sense.

“He's quiet, though.” Rize interjected, catching the attention of both men. “He's discreet too. No one would notice him if you ever needed him to deliver items or information.”

They both paused whilst taking her words in, Arima nodding whilst Furuta kept his eyes intently on Rize, as if silently asking her for her purpose. However, after a small moment of silence, Arima stood up and the others followed suit.

“Well, he can join for now and we'll see how things turn out.” Arima turned to Kaneki, holding out a hand with a smile. “Glad to make your acquaintance, Ken Kaneki. We will send you a message when we need your services.”

And just like that, the two men left without another word, the nausea building at the pit of his stomach at the thought of what he's just gotten himself into. Rize stood besides him and laced her fingers through his as his heart flipped at the sudden contact.

“Don't look so worried, Kaneki.” She flicked a strand of his hair out of the way with a smug smile. “It'll be worthwhile, you'll see.”

She gave him another kiss on the cheek before leaving him there, alone and frankly confused. His head was filled with troublesome thoughts and it only grew worse as time passed. At this point, he could only hope and pray that nothing will go drastically wrong in the future-

“Rize…” Touka leaned back, the image of that harlot in mind. “She was the one all over you in the brothel, right? It’s not surprising she was able to wrap you around her finger so easily.”

Kaneki nodded with a somewhat sorrowful and pained expression, Touka seeing how these memories brought nothing but regret and frustration onto him. It was unusual to think Kaneki so innocent and pure, falling for the first pretty girl he sees and fall into her schemes so easily. The story seemed so unrealistic to the point Touka almost felt insulted he’d spout such a stupid and pathetic story. And then, she thought back to the other day and frowned, carefully choosing her next words.

“You mentioned before that you joined the mafia because someone asked you to.” Touka said slowly and Kaneki kept his eyes on the ground. “Why did she ask you to?”

He shrugged and his frown deepened, his uncertainty clear. Touka still felt strongly skeptic of all of this, her suspicion still here yet at the same time, she was taken aback by how vulnerable he looked, the wounds of his past still clear on his expression.

Touka knew that she shouldn’t trust a single word coming from this monster’s mouth, but there was some hesitation in her mind. Nonetheless, she shook her head and decided to stick to how she felt before - she wouldn’t leave herself vulnerable to him anymore, even with that sorrowful look that in a way played with her heart. No, she wouldn’t give in.

“So you joined the mafia unknowingly. When did you figure out that you were being toyed with?” Kaneki straightened slowly and bit his lip as if in deep concentration.

“I think I always knew.” His eyes narrowed at the memory, nothing but bitterness in his expression. “I was just in denial. But it wasn't long before I, as all people in the mafia do, ran into trouble with some unknowing rivals.”

8 years ago

The bar was quiet today, which only made Kaneki more uncomfortable. He preferred blending in with the crowd - makes these kind of exchanges more private and hidden. Regardless, he couldn't do much about the situation and waited in his seat for Furuta arrive, prepared to give the files of classified information they had asked him to collect.

With this kind of information, it didn't take long for Kaneki to realise the kind of people he worked for, their ‘business’ shady and hidden in the shadows of this city. He should probably try his hand to weasel out of this new position of his, as Hide would probably say if he actually knew, but he trusted Rize not to force him into something he'd regret so for now, he'll put up with it. After all, as long as it only involves collecting information, which he did anyway, there shouldn't be any real problems. Even if he were to be caught, he was sure these businessmen would protect them. Hopefully...

As he waited, Kaneki glanced over to two new customers, one man large and remarkably broad with his pale, blonde hair pushed back and his face an unusual shape. It was the cold look in his small eyes that gave Kaneki chills though. The other man was lean and slender, his pouty lips a bright red and his clothes bright and flamboyant. They seemed unusual to say the least and it left Kaneki on edge as he waited for Furuta to arrive.

“Damn V are getting on my fucking nerves.” The broad man grunted, slamming his large fist down against the counter. “They killed two of my best henchman yesterday - how the hell did they know where they were going to be?! Once I get my hands on that damned Arima, I'm going to force out all the secrets they hide-”

Kaneki's eyes widened at the mention of Arima’s name, realising that this intimidating man before him was a rival of his own boss. To make the situation worse, this same man caught the gaze of Kaneki, who was staring now in distinct horror. With a pissed off scowl, he demanded what he was looking at for, but Kaneki's words failed him, turning his head to stare down into his drink whilst he tried to stop his hands from trembling.

“Oi, you cunt.” He got up and stood by Kaneki, his large form towering over the meek boy. “I asked you a fucking question. Did you hear something you didn't like? Do you know Arima?”

“You are a brute, Yamori.” His partner mused, crossing his legs with an amused smirk. “Someone as frail as him would naturally be scared of someone like you.”

“Good, I want him to be scared. But I don't like the way he looked at me when I mentioned Arima.” He leaned down, faces inches away from Kaneki's and he could feel Yamori’s breath against his face as he squeezed his eyes shut. “What do you know, mouse?”

“Hey, leave him alone.” Hide appeared suddenly and stepped in between Yamori and Kaneki, a scowl on his face with his voice stern. “Back off.”

“Oho, this mouse has a friend. A stupid one at that.” Yamori shoved his hands into his pockets and his lip twitched into an agitated snarl. “Do you know who I am?”

“I don't care who you are, leave him be.” Kaneki stared with complete shock at Hide’s response and felt the sudden urge to hold him back, to warn him of the man he was talking to.

“You're going to regret this.” Yamori poked Hide's chest, who shoved his hand away in response before the man left with his amused friend.

Kaneki finally let out the breath he unconsciously held in during the whole thing, his body and mind shaken from what had just occurred, but what concerned him more was his friend. Hide turned around with a relieved yet nervous laugh, his face softening into worry. He seemed so cool and collected that it actually concerned Kaneki, but at this moment, he was just simply thankful that Hide was still in one piece.

Then again...Yamori’s twisted words didn't seem to help; he gave Hide a warning, or rather, was it a promise of what's to come? What was he to make of these foreboding words that made him uncomfortable with endless concern and anxiety? And to think, this was all because he stupidly couldn't keep his eyes down like he was supposed to. If anything happened to Hide because of him…

“Dude, what happened?” Hide shook him by the shoulders and looked him up and down. “I couldn't find you anywhere and you didn't answer my messages and next thing I know, I find you here getting into trouble with some dangerous lunatic.”

“I-I'm sorry, I've just been getting into some work on the side. I've just been tired and out of sorts and gave that guy a weird look. I'm sorry, Hide.” Kaneki rubbed his chin with a sad smile, Hide narrowing his eyes at his friend.

“Ah, Kaneki!” Rize wrapped her arms around Kaneki from behind, kissing his cheek with her body pressed against his back. He gasped and gave her a nervous grin as Hide watched with a suspicious look. “I'm afraid Furuta wasn't able to make it, sweetie.” She walked around and held his hands in between hers. “Sorry for the inconvenience.”

“It's not your fault.” Kaneki laughed and when he looked back to Hide, he noticed he was already leaving. “Hide, wait-”

“Come, we need to drop this information somewhere- oh, you look pale. What happened?” She brushed the back of her hand against his cheek, her light touch making him shiver at the feeling.

“N-Nothing.” He took her hand into his and got up, grabbing the folder of information. “Let's go.”

. . .

Days passed and Hide seemed particularly quiet, only ever responding to Kaneki's texts with short messages and he always seemed too busy to meet up with him. He was certain something was wrong, but he didn't know exactly what. However, after two days of complete silence, he knew something was wrong.

Of course, Yamori first came to mind and it kept Kaneki up at night thinking it was somehow connected, but with Hide's distance with him, he couldn't exactly be sure. It made his stomach twist with constant paranoia and with every passing minute, his fear only grew worse. What was he to do?

Was there anything he could do?

“Hey, Rize.” He spoke into the phone, hoping that maybe with her knowledge and connections with others, he could somehow find answers. “Could you help me out? Hide has been...missing for a while now.”

“What of it?” Her bored tone made him hesitate and he bit the inside of his cheek, unsure on what to say. She let out a frustrated sigh and he grimaced at the sound, clearly seeing that he was annoying her.

“I'll ask around.” She mumbled. “I doubt anyone would pay notice though.”

There wasn't much more to be said and he agreed to meet up the next day with whatever news Rize gathered. That is if she actually finds anything, which at this point, seemed unlikely. Cringing, he shook off these nerve wracking thoughts, praying that what he felt was nothing more than unneeded paranoia.

This waiting game was going to kill him at this rate.

The next day, Kaneki took some shelter from the rain as he waited for Rize. With every passing minute, he grew more impatient, his lip sore from him biting it out of nervousness and his palms sweaty - at this point, he didn't know what to expected. He just wanted to see Hide again, to know he was ok. If he wasn't…

He looked up suddenly to a nearing passerby, expecting it to be Rize, but instead, it was Furuta. He wore a black duffle coat with a clear umbrella over him, his face emotionless and unreadable. Kaneki felt his stomach begin to clench, pressing his hands against his sides to hide the apparent nervousness he felt.

“What's wrong?” Kaneki immediately queried, unable to wait any longer.

“Well, you see…” Furuta scratched the side of his face, looking away from Kaneki. “We didn't realise you got into trouble with Jason.”

Jason? Did he mean Yamori? And what's worse, he was avoiding his question.

“Where's Hide?” He stepped forward, now desperate and he didn't even care about the rain as he neared Furuta.

Turning, Furuta gestured for him to follow and quietly moved to his car. Kaneki swallowed the lump he felt in his throat and followed suit, knowing there was nothing else to do.

Stupid as it was, he somehow wanted to hope there maybe, just maybe, there was a slight glimmer of hope awaiting him. Perhaps Hide was still….alive. Fuck, the fact he actually had to think about it made the bile rise up his throat and made his skin crawl.

“Who's Jason?” Kaneki asked as the car started to move, his meek small and quiet.

“A rival of our...group. A very dangerous man with very little limits, that crazy bastard.” He grinned then and Kaneki felt a chill go through him at the sight. “He actually thinks he can compete with the likes of V and Arima. Arima was actually pissed off that you had to get involved with someone like him.”

I don't care, Kaneki was tempted to say but remained silent whilst Furuta chuckled, amused by what he had said. It was a surprise that someone who only gathered information for some shadowy organisation could hold importance to someone as high ranked as Arima, but it was likely Furuta was just bending the truth. Rize had described him as a joker after all.

“I think Arima is quite fond of you, you know, but he's far too busy to actually-”

“Whatever.” Kaneki gripped his knees tightly, his jaw clenched. “Just take me to Hide.”

It felt like hours before they arrived and when they stepped out of the car, a cold breeze picked up with the dark clouds gathering above. Everything seemed too quiet, an uncomfortable silence that was void of any emotion. The streets were more or less isolated, save for a few associates of V, and yet it only made Kaneki feel exposed and vulnerable, as if unprepared for what he knew would be inevitable.

Looking around, he could see a few men in long black trench coats and fedora hats, their forms lean and lanky with their faces shrouded in disturbing shadows. They talked with a few private police officers, the CCG, and one of the men handed over a small pad of money. In another circumstance, Kaneki would’ve kept his head down and move on, especially after the rumours he's heard of these men, but he glared with some annoyance at these men, thinking of how them and their petty rows with other gangs caused all this shit. Then again, he too was partially to blame-

“Ken Kaneki.” Arima’s unexpected presence shocked Kaneki to say the least. He stood with an almost pitied expression, his voice melancholy. “I'm sorry you had to deal with Jason - we hadn't expected him to make an appearance in our territory-”

“Where's my friend?” Furuta raised a brow at Kaneki's lack of respect, not that he cared. Arima sighed and stepped aside from the alleyway he stood in front of.

Within the alley, a limp figure was laid on the filthy ground. Kaneki felt his heart stop, everything around him suddenly slowed down as he stumbled his way towards it, shaking his head with disbelief as tears welled up in his eyes. Nearing the body, he pressed a hand against the wall and clenched his stomach, his sobs escaping him with the harsh reality of everything finally hitting him with a violent blow. Denial was still swarming around in his mind, everything around him out of focus yet the bloody pulp of his best friend remained so vivid and clear to him.

“H-Hide.” Kaneki fell onto his knees, fisting his hair and squeezed his eyes shut, pleading that this was just some cruel joke or dream. “Hide, wake up.”

Would he even dare touch the friend he subjected to this torture? Did he have any right to speak his name when he was the the sole reason Hide was cruelly dragged into this twisted death? Kaneki could barely breathe, his tears dropping down onto Hide’s ghastly pale skin. His hands trembled as he slowly wiped them off and turned Hide's head to face him. His skin was so cold…

“F-Fuck.” Kaneki bit his lip to hold back his whimpers at the sight of his face - his eyes were empty sockets, deep slashes carved into the skin around them. “I'm so s-sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” His words repeated themselves continuously, his voice hoarse and raspy with Hide's head in his lap. “This is a-all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!”

“What good will apologising do?” Rize spoke as she stepped out of the shadows of the alley and into the small pool of light around Kaneki and Hide. “He's dead. There's nothing more you can do.”

She took out a cigarette and offered one to Kaneki, but he remained still. Rolling her eyes, she shoved the packet into her black lace garter through the long slit in her long sleeved black dress. She lit it and narrowed her eyes at Kaneki, slowly stepping around him till she faced his back.

“Such a shame.” Rize sighed, a puff of thick smoke leaving her. “That damned Yamori...If only someone could do something about that bastard.”

Kaneki's fingers dug into the mud, his breathing erratic and her words sunk in slowly. If he had done something, if he had just told someone sooner - this would have never happened. Oh God, if he had just-

“Arima with all his power and yet all he can offer is apologises.” Kaneki's face jolted up as Rize kneeled down besides him, brushing back Hide’s blood stained hair back. “No one would care, he'd just be another scene pushed under the rug with no one doing one goddamn thing about it.”

Kaneki winced at his words and knew she was right. Hide...He would die with never having the justice he truly deserved. Whoever this Jason or Yamori guy was, he would escape without a second glance. It was cruel. So cruel.

“Oh, sweetie.” Rize reached up and wiped his tears away, planting a kiss at the corner of his trembling lips. “There's always another solution. You're still here.”

He turned to face her with his eyes widened, the thought itself stupid and reckless, insane even. But...what else could he do? If nothing were to be done for his dear friend and if this truly was his fault to own, it would only be right to be the one to take vengeance. Even if he was weak, he'd become strong - for Hide. Yes, that was what he would do.

Gently, he placed down Hide's head and a V agent came by to place a white sheet over the dead body. Getting up, Rize took his hand between his and gently brushed her lips against his, his eyes fluttering shut.

“I will help you take revenge.” She bit down on his lip and Pulled him into an embrace, holding him tight. “Yamori’s blood will be spilled.”

“Kaneki.” Arima stood behind him and Kaneki slowly stepped away from Rize but kept her hand in his. Turning to Arima, Kaneki bowed his head slightly. “I'm sorry what happened-”

“I will avenge him.” Kaneki spoke abruptly, surprising the others. “I would greatly...appreciate it if you were to aid me.”

Arima’s expression never changed and for a moment, Kaneki felt like a complete, and utter idiot for even saying such words. Rize squeezed his hands and he kept his eyes on Arima before he glanced back down to Hide.

“Please.” Kaneki tried to keep his voice stern, but it ended up sounding more pleading instead. However, Arima sighed and gave a slight nod. “I understand, but please note that I'm also busy with my own affairs-”

“He's only looking out for himself.” Rize whispered into his ear and Kaneki bit the inside of his cheek, pushing back his rising temper.

“I see.” Kaneki walked past Arima, Rize following behind. “I'll meet you at the bar, if you don't mind.”

“Of course.” Arima nodded and Kaneki left, already planning out what to find next.  He won't fail Hide. Not again.

Touka watched Kaneki bury his head into his hands, rubbing his fingers against his temples as he breathed heavily. Rubbing his eyes, he got up and moved to the window so that his back faced her in attempt to hide the pain he felt. Just remembering it so vividly hurt, the bitter memories stinging his already fragile heart with the rush of the all too familiar emotions taking over once again.

Touka sat quietly, gnawing at her bottom lip whilst not daring to say a single word. It seemed...too much for all of this to be some act to elicit kindness from her, even if she had no intention in putting anymore faith into his words. It seemed almost a little desperate of him to create such a story for this one purpose. Tempted to once again brush off his words as lies, she remembered the words he had said to her before.

Even I feel pain.

Was it true, then? He could be referring to any moment of his shrouded life, but with his words, reaction and claimed history, Touka started to feel more conflicted with her image of him. She felt certain he was nothing more than a corrupt beast she believed him to be, not wanting to even spare a single chance to let him hurt her again, but she was now struggling with her own judgements. If this was the truth, should there perhaps be some forgiveness on her part? But if this were a lie, would she made a fool of once again? For now, she’ll stand her ground and listen whilst she collected her own confused thoughts.

Kaneki stilled and took a deep breath, shaking his head to force himself to move on. He swallowed the lump in his throat and shuddered, his brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut. Touka turned so that she sat on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with her hands in her lap as she examined Kaneki. If this were an act, it was a damned good one, but Touka was starting to think that maybe it was possible there was a chance that there was some truth to his tale. With an agitated sigh, she got up and walked to his side, her arms crossed and she still kept some distance between them.

“Losing a close friend can destroy a person's life.” Touka nodded and she avoided his gaze when it turned to focus on her. “I know...what it is to lose loved ones and it had also left me vulnerable too. I don’t want to believe you, but lets say, hypothetically, what you say is true, then I’m sorry you had to go through such things in your past.” She paused, taking a moment to consider how his life might’ve turned out if this possible memory were to occur differently - if he had found Hide alive and well, and not dead and forgotten. It doesn’t matter now. “Even so, that’s no fucking excuse for becoming such a disgusting mafia dog, angry or not.”

“I know, I know.” Kaneki’s voice was surprisingly quiet, adding to the tinge of doubt within her thoughts. “I was just with the wrong people, I think but that is my fault to own. All of it was.” Touka winced, his words bringing her only guilt and it annoyed her, knowing that she had every right to feel disgusted and angry at this man before her only for her emotions to twist into a pathetic guilt. “It doesn’t matter now.”

He walked back towards the bed, Touka following cautiously behind whilst she tried to hold back all her overwhelming thoughts while he continues his story.

“Anyway, I’m guessing you found Yamori considering how determined you sounded with Rize to feed you lies.” Touka continued, clearing her throat. Kaneki rubbed the back of his neck and joined her, sitting besides her as he unconsciously reached up to touch his eyepatch, wincing at the flood of nightmarish memories. He nodded slowly and looked up and Touka waited for him to continue.

“A whole year.” Kaneki spoke. “A whole year of searching and I eventually tracked him down. During this time, Arima helped me train a little, along with Furuta and some encouragement from Rize. I was no henchman, but I could at least aim a gun at this point of time. I then found an opportunity and cornered Yamori, thinking, or rather hoping, I’d get the revenge I wanted. Of course...it’s never that simple.”

7 years ago

Kaneki checked the cylinder that was filled with the bullets that Furuta had handed to Kaneki earlier on during the week. He had been anticipating this moment for a while now, going to target practice nearly everyday with Arima helping him learn other basic combat skills in his spare time. Yamori, or Jason, or whatever his name, wouldn’t be given the chance. Not tonight.

His hands trembled slightly and Kaneki frowned, trying to keep them steady as the minutes ticked by. He wouldn’t hesitate, not once - not after Hide. There was no reason to panic now. He had planned for this moment for too long to let it suddenly slip away from his grasp. An eye for an eye, after all and in this case, Yamori will be paying back with two.

Damn, why were his hands still shaking? And his heart didn’t seem to calm itself, a cold sweat on his brow. This was ridiculous. All he had to do was ki- avenge Hide. By the way Furuta described it, it shouldn’t be all that difficult. Just aim and shoot. Simple. Easy. So why didn’t it feel that way? Shit, this is bad-

Kaneki’s head jolted up at the sound of the club’s backdoor opening, the club Yamori was told to be in and Kaneki quickly raised his gun, eyes narrowed at the shadowed, tall broad figure that stumbled out with loud hacks and coughs. Yamori always left the building through the backdoor to avoid confrontation, that was what Rize had said. This..This has to be him. Just shoot. Just do it! Just-

The shot was loud, the eerie sound echoing across the quiet, dingey streets of the area and Kaneki let out a startled gasp when the figure landed on the ground with a heavy thud. His vision blurred at the sight of blood emerging from the shadows and into the light. The river of red edged it’s way closer to Kaneki as he tripped back, crawling away with a strangled prayer that escaped him. It...It was done. No more to be said. I-It had to be done, after all.

However, he paused at the sound of a pained grunt behind him, turning back to see Yamori drag his wounded body into the pool of light in front of him. It was then, though, when the dread he had already felt consumed Kaneki whole at the realisation that this dying man wasn’t Yamori. It was an innocent citizen. He shot an innocent man. He killed someone for no reason or cause. Oh God, he couldn’t even think straight.

“Why, hello there, rat.” Kaneki yelled out in fear as he turned back to see Yamori towering over him, a sharp grin on his face and his eyes filled with a mixture of fury and joy. Before Kaneki could even try to escape, he felt something blunt smash against his head and he instantly blacked out, feeling nothing but a deep sense of shame.

He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t avenge Hide and now...Now he was just a murderer.

. . .

Everything was unclear and Kaneki felt a deep throbbing ache pulsate from the back of his head, tasting the metallic flavour of blood in his mouth and his eyelids too heavy to open. His memory was a mess, fractured with nothing but the image of Yamori looking out at him with that sickening grin before everything went black.

However, he then was suddenly woken when freezing cold iced water was splashed onto him, his body quivering as his eyes opened abruptly, the bright light making him wince before his vision cleared. His jaw clenched with his shock being replaced with fear, a dark figure stood some distance away with a disturbing, blood splattered hockey mask that covered his face. A deep, sadistic laugh erupted from him as he stepped forward, large, rusted pliers held in one hand. When Kaneki tried to move his hands, he gave out a loud cry of agony before he looked down to see his arms and legs tied onto a rotting wooden chair with barbed wire. Tears were already beginning to well up in his sore eyes, knowing full well what was to come next.

“Shall we begin?” Yamori chuckled, his breathing heavy. Kaneki squirmed some more, the barbed wire stinging as it bit into his arms, he felt his hope quickly shattering within him, left only with desperate prayers for a miracle he knew wouldn't come. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Yamori look down at Kaneki, placing one heavy hand down onto his shoulder whilst hovering the pliers dangerously close to Kaneki’s face. “You tried so hard to kill me too, it would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.” Kaneki’s eyes widened, his whole body trembling. “I saw it all, rat. The way you tried to take the upper hand just to kill an innocent drunk.” Memories flooded back into Kaneki’s mind of that shot, the shot that killed an innocent civilian and he wanted to throw up, the guilt tearing apart at his mind whilst Yamori let out more loud, repulsive laughter. “Now, what to do first.”

He leaned his head away from the pliers, his eyes widened with a flurry of fear and panic. He hopelessly yelled out for help, already knowing no one would miraculously come to save him, but he didn't know what else there was to do. This was the cruel end he faced, a sudden yet no doubt painful end and he was left with nothing but a trail of failures behind him. He decided quickly that this was what he gets for taking away the lives of innocent men, bringing nothing but sorrowful ends to their lives. Now it was him who would have to pay the price with his own torturous end. This was his fate.

“Stop squirming.” He grabbed Kaneki's head, his grip painfully firm with his fingers digging into his scalp. He tilted Kaneki's head to look up at him, his eyes gleaming with a disgusting excitement. “I can't wait to add you to my collection. You'll be a warning to others in the future to not try to mess with Jason.”

“Y-You bastard.” Kaneki croaked, feeling his blood drip down his arms and legs. “I'll make you pay. I'll make you pay for killing Hide.”

“Hide?” Yamori cocked his head to one side. “You mean that little friend of yours? If he hadn't tried to spy on me, he wouldn't have been hurt at all. It was quite funny, actually. He tried  to make sure you wouldn't get hurt by keeping an eye on me. Welp...now he doesn't have any eyes at all!”

The brute burst out laughing, Kaneki staring incredulously at his words. Hide watched Yamori? To protect him? No...why would he...Kaneki felt his body shudder and he let out a loud sob, silently pleading for answers for why his one and only friend would do such a thing for his sake. Why? Why did any of this happen?

“Now, enough talking.” Yamori stepped closer, Kaneki squeezing his eyes shut as he shook his head quickly. He grabbed Kaneki's hair tightly and forced him to look up, the sharp feeling of metal just beneath Kaneki's right eye and he looked down to see Yamori holding a scalpel. “How loud can this little piggy squeal? I wonder…”

Touka placed a hand over her mouth, frowning at the image Kaneki had just described. She glanced up to see him move his hand over his missing eye, a melancholic look in his haunted expression. Lies, that’s all they were. Simple, white lies. They had to be. If not, if this torture was real then...then...

“T-Torture?” Touka let out in a stutter. “You’re going a bit far with these lies of yours, don’t you think. You could’ve easily-”

“Touka, don’t insult me. Please. If proof is what you want then,” Kaneki rose up then and started to unbutton his shirt, much to her surprise. “I can perhaps show you my past instead.”

His shirt slid off his body, pooling at his feet and Touka gave a small gasp at the sight of him - his muscled body was damaged with an endless amount of gruesome scars. His back, in which had as centipede tattoo crawling down the spine that curved around the hip, had faded white scars of lashes from whips, the marks rough and deep. There were also different puncture wounds that were permanently dug into the skin of his shoulders and upper back. Turning around, she saw his chest was equally as bad; his arms were covered with faint markings of his restraints and other carvings whilst his chest had several burns with a ‘J’ sliced in just over his chest.

“My god.” Touka breathed, her horrified eyes taking in every little detail. She carefully placed her hands over the old scars, Kaneki's breath hitching whilst she moved them slowly to each mark. “You really went through all of this? Then...what you said was true. Oh god, this is just so awful.”

Kaneki nodded, his eyes downcasted and Touka awkwardly stepped back. Surprisingly, Kaneki took hold of her hand before she moved away completely and he placed it onto his heart that was beating rapidly under her touch.

“The worst pain of it all was in here.” Kaneki tugged her closer and rested his head on her shoulder, Touka tensing up. “I thought I failed, Touka. I really thought there was no meaning in my life at that point and at times, I still feel that way. At the time, I...I thought that perhaps I deserved the pain I was going through-”

“No.” Touka wasn’t sure what it was she was about to say. She wasn’t even certain of her own thoughts on him but his words, every time he spoke, he was so pained. She didn’t want to be made a fool of, much less to forgive and forget his past mistakes and yet there was some urge within her that wanted to comfort him. “That’s...Not true. No one deserves to go through that much suffering.” She then pulled back, back to how she was before. “But you’re no better now.”

“I never said I was any better, but you’re right. It’s just so wrong and fucked up.” Touka rolled her eyes at the hypocrisy of his words and Kaneki held himself back from reaching out towards her, knowing that that now wasn’t the best time to seek out kindness from her. “Anyway, I was eventually rescued.”  

Kaneki breathed heavily in his torture chair, feeling blood from the corner of his lips drip down to his bare chest that was still throbbing from the numerous burns of the iron Yamori had jabbed him with earlier. He heard steps in the distant, but he paid no attention to it, only focusing on the numbers Yamori wanted Kaneki to repeat to himself since this madness started.

He had no concept of time at this point, the minutes merging into hours that merged into long, excruciating days. It may have even been weeks, possibly months, for all Kaneki knew, but what he did know was that the pain would only continue, the tortures never seeming to end. There was no schedule, no pattern Yamori followed; it was just an endless onslaught of brutality that left Kaneki begging for the sweet embrace of death to take him away and give him the peace he desperately desired.

However, during this ordeal, Kaneki had time to think. If Kaneki did ever have time to sleep, he couldn’t, only using the time to sink himself into the black pool of guilt to remind himself that he deserved all of this, every burn, cut and flogging. All of it. His actions had led his cherished friend’s suffering and gruesome end, his life nothing more than an alleyway crime to be neglected and, that was something he didn’t deserve. Then there was the man that Kaneki shot, that he physically killed with the gun he held in his hand. He was so stupidly blinded with his lust for revenge, he took a man away from his life, from his family, from his friends. That’s all Kaneki could do, take and never give back. He deserved this. All of it.

“Eight hundred and…and…” He shuddered as the steps stopped right in front of him, weakly looking up to see the familiar blurred figure before him. “Please kill me.”

With a loud chuckle, Yamori kneeled down until Kaneki looked down at him, a large hand pushing back Kaneki's sweat drenched hair that partially covered his now empty socket which was now covered in bandages - Kaneki had questioned why Yamori would even consider treating the wounds he had inflicted, but he soon figured out that it was all done so that Kaneki could last a little longer for him. A satisfied grin spread across his haunting face, his eyes crinkled at the sight of his handiwork. It wasn't until he stood up again that Kaneki saw a small container in his hand.

Walking around Kaneki, he heard the container open before Yamori leaned down to Kaneki's ear, his hot breath hitting the back of his neck. He raised his hand and at the corner of Kaneki's eye, he could see something wriggling between Yamori’s fingers.

“Now, Kaneki.” Yamori straightened and twisted Kaneki's head back to look back to him, his eye widened at the sight of the large Centipede he held in hand. “How are those numbers going?”

[shatteringzimmermann]

O.F.

i’m entering the writer’s digest contest under the YA category. i just spent an hour deleting 70 words so my damn entry is under 2k.

If you like wlw (which does not have much in the forefront of this piece but does in the trilogy this story comes from), magic, and girls who refuse to be limited by their shortcomings, check this out. it’ll probably take you less time to read than one of my omgcp updates do!

All writing is mine and mine only. you copy, you die.

(untitled)

I went on my morning run without Huhȕ. Despite the Healer’s attention on the snapped bones in her forearm I knew the ache of the injury remained for days after the bones were knit back together. She’d give me sin for it later, but she needed the sleep after spending most of the night fitfully rolling in bed. Her richly colored skin was warm under my lips when I kissed her forehead as I rose.

The sky was still bright with stars when I pulled on the pants that had taken me so long to get used to after nearly two decades of thick skirts. Some days I felt too naked in trousers and would return to the safety of the heavy fabrics. The longer I was in Norican, the largest city on the continent, the less it happened, but there were days I woke up and felt the haunting glare of my father. His face flashed in my mind when I put on the low, lightweight boots I bought for these runs.

The roughly cobblestoned streets were also beginning to awaken with the early-morning workers. Beath smiled and waved when I passed her bakery. Her wink told me she’d save me some of the meat-stuffed rolls I loved so much.

The run to the caves was just less than two miles. Eager to exercise without ending up with my head in a bush I kept my pace steady and comfortable. The light was better when I reached them, sweaty and panting, but not enough for me to approach comfortably. I stretched my legs as I waited for the sun.

There were four Forsaken standing outside the caves, one of which was barely outside of one entrance and covered in shadow. He was new. Even from my position fifty yards away I could see the way youth gripped him but so had the magic that had overrun his body. He wore scraps of tired cloth around his waist.  The rest of the Forsaken were naked and in varying degrees of emaciation. Every time I was here I was relieved when I don’t recognize any of them as beggars from my street or frequenters of Beath’s, their hunger-bright souls hoping for the burned rolls she couldn’t sell.

I adjusted the leather strap around my forearm, the hide new and stiff, ensuring the gemstone inserted in the narrow width, labradorite, was pressed firmly against my skin. My power thrummed with it. The stone was for battle defense of a soul-bearer (unlike defense of a building; that one was ruby. It’d been a miserable few months to learn all the damned things). Huhȕ’s leather band wrapped high around her arm, the flat disc of obsidian pressing against the tender inner skin there.

The Wielders in Norican picked different places to carry their stones. There were many options since the only requirement was contact with bare flesh. I’d mentioned wanting to wear my protection stone as a necklace tight across my throat and Hu rolled her eyes. “You’ll be dead before the end of the day with something like that.” And then had me wrap a bit of fabric around my throat and proceeded to show me how she’d do it, with quick calloused fingers and years of learning her body as a weapon. She threw me on the ground seven times before I snapped at her. Her dark eyes had been filled with mirth as she took the fabric and let me try. I should have known better than to try and fight her, but she’s so Gods frustrating sometimes. She ended up on the ground once but I think she got tired of standing.

We spent the rest of the day learning the common places to wear stones and how to protect ourselves against assassins and thieves. I did the learning. Hu did the teaching, as she usually did. I was her magical Apprentice last year even though I’m nearly two years older. She’d fought the blending of her and me until it became us. There was no way we could go back to being the girls who hated each other at first introduction.

One of the other Forsakens, a pale woman with skin so sunburned parts of her body looked furred with the peeling skin, screamed. On each of the repeated trips I made here a Forsaken screamed like this. It wasn’t the type one would hear through a bedroom door or even a scream of someone with a knife wedged between their ribs. I know because I heard myself make this same exact scream before. It’s the noise a heart makes when the Gods take it in their cruel, cruel hands and pull it apart as it beats. It’s the noise I made when I found the house I’d grown up in crumpled to the ground with my mother, my father, and my sister still inside.

Whatever it is inside me that kept my magic hidden ripped open that day. I nearly turned into one of these Forsaken in my tiny little town. The loops that riddle them- the reason I come out there, the event I’ve been studying for months now- were flares of uncontrolled, unfocused magic. Instead of the person controlling the magic within, the magic took control of its source. Magic doesn’t understand that a human needs food and water and shelter in order to survive long, but these poor souls die a much slower death than of a person lacking one of these. I’d heard of men succumbing to thirst after just a week, but the Forsaken woman in front of me had been here near two months. What used to be a voluptuous body was now thin enough to teach someone about nearly every bone in the body.

None of them were wearing their stones. The stones we Wielders wore mold our magics into what we need them to be, but they also protect us from loops. In school we are taught about the importance of using our magics every day, to let the mind find work as well as the body. To leave magic too built up in our systems left Wielders on a dangerous edge.

There was a child here a few months ago, a little girl just reaching her magical age when she fell ill. There was no chance of saving her. The Wielders who carried the labradorite were the only ones that could be near someone in loop and even then it’s not for very long. Even the largest, most flawless stone could shatter under too much stress, and the bearer would be vulnerable to whatever caused the destruction and also to a loop of their own, if the situation was right. It took ten Master Wielders to get the girl here without her magic damaging the city. Two of them spent at least a fortnight in the Master Healer’s quarters before they recovered.

 Besides the young boy and the pale woman, there was an old man with swollen knees and a woman nearing her 30s. Her hair was the same shade as Huhȕ’s, though their skin tones had different colors underneath.

This Forsaken was once called Rosa. She was born in the fifth ring within the city walls and she had a little shop down from her apartment where she sold some of the best flowers in the city.

I reached into the inner pocket of my tunic and pulled out a worn leather strap and an amber fossil. Rosa’s sister gave it to me three weeks ago and now that I’m finally here alone again I want to try something Huhȕ won’t like.

Rosa looped a month and a half ago after her husband died suddenly. Rosa had gone to sleep that night, taking off her stone as normal, but when she woke up her eyes had turned that horrid, haunting pure white. The wielders got there quickly enough to transport her to these caves where she’ll live the rest of her very short life without endangering anyone, but I wondered if there was a part of her soul still left in that husk of a body.

I needed to get close enough to her to get her band on. Every other time I’ve tried getting near a Forsaken I’ve had to dash back when I was more than an arm’s length away. Something in their magics must recognize when a potential threat was near and causes it to lash out in swiping waves of color. Hu had tried to get me to promise to not try this again. I hadn’t, but the concern I could feel even in the grip she had on the hip of my tunic was enough to make me wait as long as I did.

Taking a deep breath, I reached inward. My magic seemed to always hum just under my skin so it only took a flick of my wrist to pull out a thick layer of it. Due to the stone in my band it shaped into a protective coating that settled over me like the sand in this barren land.

Rosa’s empty eyes met mine. Her band, limp in my hand, vibrated at the sudden abundance of wild, loose magic around me. She wasn’t flaring out yet so I slid one foot forward so slowly a passing traveler might think me a Forsaken as well.

 Back at the apartment Hu must be awake. I could have left a note and told her that I was simply going for a run and would be back soon, but we’d spent too much time hating each other for the half-truths we told for me to want to say that.

 On my next step, my magic was stable but pissed. I could feel the irritation building within it at my continued attempts that put me in so much danger. Forsaken? Again? Really? It seemed to say. But after what felt like so long Rosa was close enough for me to touch. I didn’t look away from her eyes. In my distant studying of her I noticed she had a tendency to open them just a bit wider before flaring.

Feeling with my magic, I tried to tell if there was a flare waiting just under her skin. Nothing felt off. Another sliding step.

Sweat trickled down my temple.

It was another 20 minutes until just the leather touched her arm. She flinched, but no flare. I had the feeling she would let loose every ounce of magic left in her burning soul if I vomited on her so I swallowed against the bile threatening to make an appearance.

Her breathing changed the closer her stone got to her skin. I was constantly glancing from her wrist to her eyes and I swore on the many Gods that an emotion besides that endless, terrible pain crossed her face.

I was inches from the fastest and potentially most painful death a Wielder could face. I could see the tangles in her hair and the faded tattoo of vines that wrapped her bicep. The fossil in her band made her entire body flinch and I nearly dropped it. No flare.

 There was a potential of bringing back the Forsaken from this. There had to be. I’d been so close to disappearing. I felt so much agony in my near-disastrous almost-loop but I survived. I didn’t know why, but I did. The last few months were to find out how.

 What if the next time they blinked their eyes they could see again, could smile again, could love again? Rosa’s soul couldn’t have just disappeared, it had to be somewhere. And watching the quick rise and fall of her chest, I believed it was still inside. I believed Rosa was still inside. I just needed to figure out what the perfect key was to unlock the magical hold on her.

And hope that this search didn’t kill me first.

My trembling fingers tied the band around her wrist.

[phanwritings]

Alone and Lonely; A Study in Human Emotion

Tittle: Alone and Lonely; A Study In Human Emotion

Word count: 17,475

Summary: The one where they decide to get married on a whim after just meeting each other.

Warnings/trigger warnings: OCD (Dan had OCD and it is briefly discussed), mentions/implications of sex, swearing, make out scene, mentions of homophobia.

A/N: I have been working on this for 2 months. Please enjoy and like it. That's literally all I ask. (this is kind of unedited)

*

"There's a difference between alone and lonely."

"Well, which one are you?"

"I don't know."

"Let's get married."

"Excuse me?"

"There's a chapel down the road, let's go."

*

It was a rainy, drizzly day in London, England. Tourists were braving the rain to see more of the beautiful city that they were vacationing in, whereas natives simply stayed in their homes on the drab Sunday. Phil Lester had decided to go out in the storm anyways - it really wasn't that bad. It was just sprinkling. Well, sprinkling heavily would be a better way to put it.

Phil had simply been sitting in a cafe - an overcrowded cafe - when a man who he had never met before plopped down in the chair opposite him.

"Excuse you?" Phil had said, not caring that he was being blatantly rude.

"Ah, yes, excuse me," The man said. He pushed some of his curly brown hair out of his eyes, showing more of his matching eyes. Placing his drink down on the table, he extended his hand like he expected Phil to shake it or something. "Name's Dan, well, it's actually Daniel, you can only call me that if I'm in trouble, though. You're table is the last available seat in this whole damn place."

"Well, why don't you go and stand somewhere? Isn't it kind of rude to sit at someone's table without even asking?" Phil huffed. "What would you have if I was saving that seat for someone?"

"I knew you weren't saving this seat for anyone!" The man, Dan, exclaimed.

"How?" Phil had asked, half annoyed and half curious.

"You look like the kind of guy who doesn't have any friends to sit with on a Sunday morning in a cafe."

"Well, that's rude! You have no place to say that, this is my table after all." Phil shrieked.

"That doesn't stop you from being rude when you sit in a random person's chair!"

"Honey," He had said, his voice all of sudden thick and as sweet as butter, practically dripping with entitlement. "When you're as pretty as me, you can sit wherever you want."

"That's incredibly dehumanizing and ignorant of you." Phil said factually.

This man was pressing all of Phil's buttons. Who the hell did he think he was? "Okay, I get the ignorant part, but the dehumanizing part I don't really understand-"

"Get out of my chair!" Phil nearly yelled, gripping his coffee tightly in his hand. This trip to the cafe was supposed to relaxing for him, not more stressful! He was a author for heaven's sake! He needed to calm down! How was he supposed to focus on his work when a crazy man is being a jerk?

"Actually, this isn't your chair, it's the restaurant's-" Phil cut him off yet again.

"I don't care who owns the chair, get the hell out of it!" Phil couldn't remember a time he was so riled up. However, Dan didn't seem to share the same passion as Phil did. Something that was making Phil even more mad. Dan just sat calmly in the chair (not his chair, the chair) and even started to sip at his coffee. He didn't respond to Phil's last request for two minutes.

"You look lonely." Dan said, catching Phil off guard.

"There's a difference between alone and lonely." Phil retorted, glaring at Dan. He was not lonely.

"Well, which one are you?" Dan took another sip of coffee. Phil was becoming more interested in whoever this insane man was.

"I don't know." Phil said, shocked at how sad his voice sounded compared to the angry, ranting, aggravated tone it had not even five minutes ago.

"Let's get married." Dan said. Phil had to cough multiple times to make sure he didn't choke on the sip of coffee he had just taken before Dan had said something so stupid and crazy.

"Excuse me?" Phil muttered.

"There's a chapel down the road, let's go. Take a risk for once in your life." Dan stood up, extending his arm towards Phil. For some reason, Phil took his hand. He could already feel his palms sweating. What was he doing? Why was he agreeing to go some place with this man, this crazy, lunatic man? He could kill him! Phil adjusted the glasses on his face. There was no way that he was getting married today. Then why was he holding Dan's hand?

Dan led them out of the cafe and down the busy street of busy London - the city where Phil had lived for the past two years of his life. He fit well with the city. At least, he felt like he did. It had captured his heart on a school field trip years ago. Two years ago, he had made the decision to move here. It had probably been the best choice he's made so far, obvious by the fact he was blindly following Dan as he led them to different corners that Phil half-knew. Why hadn't he run yet? His coffee was still warm and drinkable.

"We aren't actually getting married, right?"

"Are you kidding? Of course we are."

"Are you kidding?" Phil retorted. "No, we aren't. There's no way that you - a complete stranger - is going to marry me, a complete stranger. Nobody does that."

"Plenty of drunk people do this daily." Dan said, still pulling Phil towards this church that he knew.

"That's not a good enough reason to do something, I pray you know and realize that." Dan only shrugged. Phil groaned.

"I'm not marrying you sober." Phil said this in the hope that Dan would stop. He didn't.

"Might as well get you drunk then. I know this good bar that's open 24/7, shall we go?" Phil stared at him, bewildered. He was serious?

"You don't even know my name!" Phil exclaimed, throwing the one hand that wasn't attached to Dan's up in the air.

"What's your name then?" Dan asked.

"Phil." He replied, questioning his sanity with every step they took.

"Let's go Phil, I'd like to get you drunk before 5 p.m. I'm thinking about Nando's for our first dinner as a married couple?"

"Nando's? Are you insane?" Phil pretended to be outraged. He might as well go along with this abnormal idea that this abnormal man had thought. "I would expect you to have more respect for our first meal together." Dan laughed, pulling him closer to his side. Phil was surprised but went along with it. Why not?

*

The bar that Dan brought Phil to was not what he expected. It looked just like a bar would - even though it was ten in the morning. Colored lights were projected everywhere, draping the walls in ever-changing prisms of light. The bar was definitely less crowded than normal - thank God for that. Phil would seriously worry for the people of this city if the bar was at a normal capacity for the weekend. "How do you even know about this place?"

"I work here."

"Here?" Phil questioned skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, why not?" Dan responded, copying Phil and quirking an eyebrow as well.

"Is that your only job?"

"Nah, I actually write books. This is just another source of income for me."

"I'm an author too!" Phil exclaimed, glad to have found some common ground with Dan.

"Wait, really?" Dan looked at him like he might be lying or something. "What genre?"

"Sc-fi, fantasy, with a side of romance," Phil listed the top three he commonly wrote in and explored. "You?"

"I write about romance. Because I write about romance I automatically write about sex, too."

Phil laughed. He really laughed. He didn't know why he laughed so hard, but the way that Dan had said it was hilarious to Phil. Maybe it was the weight of what he was getting himself into dawning on him. That was definitely it. "So, are you experienced with either of the subjects you write?"

"I mean, pretty experienced, if I do say so myself."

"Well, I'll have to find out for myself then." Phil coyly said, closely watching Dan's face as he did. To his satisfaction, Dan just nods, smirking slightly, and leads him to the bar.

"Louise!" A blonde woman walks out with a impressed look on her face.

"Daniel, we've been over this, you cannot just walk in here and-"

"Louise, look, I brought my fiance!" Dan shoved Phil towards the bar that Louise was standing behind. A look of surprise overcame her face, and Phil considered that relatable. He too was surprised that Dan brought him to this place and was introducing him to his co-worker, and probably, friend. "I need to get him drunk."

"Why does he need to get you drunk at ten thirty on a Sunday morning?" She asked him, giving him a look over before a horrified expression came over her face. "You aren't trying to get him into a church, right? I tried that once, don't do it. For the love of God, do not do it."

Phil laughed, listening to the way Dan's laugh blended in with his. "No, I am not trying to get him to go to church," Phil assured after he stopped laughing. "It's actually the other way around. He's trying to get me to a church."

"Him? In a church?" She turned to Dan, her ponytail swaying in the air with her movements. "Why are you trying to get him in a church? And him in a church - drunk? No one goes to church drunk, that's probably a sin or something."

Phil laughed again as Dan explained. "Well, he said we can't get married unless he's drunk. So, here we are."

Louise laughed. "Why haven't I met him before, Dan? Were you hiding him from me? That's rude." She moved to pull two glasses down from above the bar. Dan pushed him gently towards the bar, pulling out a seat from him and pushing him in once he was seated.

"Funny story, me and Phil just met about an hour ago." Dan said, not meeting Louise's eyes.

"What!" Louise cried. "Dan Howell, are you insane?"

"Your last name is Howell?" Phil questioned. Dan gave a brief nod and smile to him before turning back to address Louise. "Hm." He wasn't totally opposed to that as a last name. Or even a hyphenated version of their last names.

"I decided to start taking risks in life," Dan explained. "Why not?"

"Are you sure this is the right type of risk? Marriage is a big deal," Louise reasoned. "Look how things ended between Matt and me. Now we have to share Darcy, it's a big hassle sometimes."

"No offense, but it would be pretty impressive if I managed to get him pregnant," Dan said, clearly not taking anything seriously. "Don't worry though, I'm sure we'll be fine." Louise rolled her eyes and handed them their drinks.

"Clearly, I am not in control of either of you," Louise placed one of her hands on her hip, the other brushing against her brow and pushing some of her stray hair back. "Especially you, Howell. I'll simply have to wish you the best of luck. So, in that case, I wish you both the best marriage that could possibly come out of this arrangement." Dan smiled and gave her a over-the-counter hug, Phil just settled for smiling at her in silent thanks. He still wasn't quite sure what was going through his head. He figured that if both him and Dan put in a equal amount of work, they might have a shot of things working out. And if not? Their story would make an excellent novel. Maybe they could even do a collaboration to tell the story from both of their opposing sides. It would probably sell really well, his agent would freak.

"I still need to get drunk before I marry you," Phil reminded him. "And I expect you to be at least a little tipsy. So drink up." He and Dan toasted and then gulped their drinks. What on earth was he going to tell his mother?

*

Phil and Dan left the bar at 12:30 after being there for around two hours. Phil could be considered drunk and Dan was definitely "tipsy." They decided to head to the church after going for a walk in the local park. Phil didn't want to be so far gone in the wedding photos that the marriage looked like a drunken mistake instead of just a regular mistake. Dan and Phil held hands during most of their walk. Dan learned that Phil loved looking at (and pointing out) all the wildlife that scampered along the ground and swam in the pond. He loved to find birds nestled in the trees. His face would soften considerably and he would let out a soft "Aw," as he watched the momma bird feed the baby birds. Phil even took a picture, claiming that it was too cute not to. Throughout the entire time that Dan spent watching Phil, he was never once bored. In fact, all Dan could was remember was being fond of Phil and watching with a smile on his face. Fond. That was weird. He had only just met Phil, why was he practically fawning over him and baby birds. Dan mentally shrugged and instead focused on what they were doing now. Phil was suggesting that they buy something from the food venders before walking to the church. Dan considered it a great idea.

"Do you prefer tacos or pretzels?" Phil asked as they surveyed their choices of food.

"Tacos, duh," Dan said without a second thought. "That is unless you enjoy pretzels more, of course. If you do, I absolutely love pretzels and prefer them highly over tacos." Dan added after realizing how rude that probably sounded of him. He didn't want to seem ignorant towards Phil. That was the last thing he wanted to do, actually. Thankfully Phil only laughed at his declaration.

"For the record," Phil said after he had finished laughing. "Tacos are loads better than pretzels." Dan breathed a sigh of relief before ushering them into the line for tacos. They ordered a few each, as they were both properly starving. Phil wasn't as drunk as he was before - he was more tipsy now - so Dan suggested that they head over to the church. Phil agreed.

Dan had take to a moment to assess what he was doing. He was about to walk to a chapel with a man he had just met and get married. Had they even talked about where they were going to live after? Nope. "Hey, Phil," Dan said, grasping his hand again. Phil turned towards Dan. Dan pulled them over to the front of a shop so he could get out of the way for other people walking on the sidewalk. "We know almost nothing about each other." Phil nodded, processing the thought.

"You're right, we shouldn't do this," Phil said. "But, I still want to get to know you. Plus, we aren't taking a risk anymore. What happened to 'living life' and shit?"

Dan thought. He still wanted to take the risk. "How about we get married and in a month we can chose to stay married or get divorced?" Dan suggested. "You know that show 'Married At First Sight?' We can be like that, just without being filmed. And a expensive honeymoon, I'm almost broke." Phil considered this and then nodded.

"Whose apartment are we living at?" Phil asked, starting to walk again and pulling Dan with him. "I was thinking that we could scope out each other's apartments before dinner and then make the decision while we're eating, which will not be Nando's." Dan laughed.

"That sounds perfect. We're almost there." Dan said, noticing the sign for elopement chapel. Phil squeezed his hand. Dan squeezed back. The church was in view for them. It was a small building that was various shades of brown. Dan was only slightly terrified. But he wasn't going to back out. He refused to.

Him and Phil finally arrived outside of the little church for eloping couples. That describes them perfectly.

He pushed the door open, Phil on his trail as he walked into the musty building. It was small and dim, cozy in a way that would have to grow on you before you considered it warm. Dan liked those types of places best. He would always have to come back again and again until the place made him feel warm whenever he was in it, get used to it over time. He was that way with music to, he never liked a song after listening to it one time. He had to listen to it at least five times and know half the words before he could consider liking the song. Dan looked over to Phil, noticing how he too was looking around and admiring the decorations.

Dan wasn't big on churches. He was raised religiously but didn't continue going to church after he moved away from home. In fact, he wasn't sure if they really was a God or not. He didn't really care. Churches reminded him of sitting in stiff button-downs on the front pew while his mother or grandmother told him to try his hardest to stay still. The buildings filled with crosses and old men and sickly sweet ladies never failed to remind him of the familiar feeling of guilt. Of the boy who sung in choir, the one with blue eyes and dark brown hair that turned lighter in the summer and darker in the winter. He didn't like churches because they were the root of what made his mom disown him when he came out to her. He hadn't seen her since. Dan turned to find Phil, he hadn't seen him in his peripheral vision in a while.

Phil seemed to distract him from the pool of thoughts that never seemed to end in his head. He looked so beautiful in the light. Dan was extremely glad that his half-asleep self had decided to sit at his table instead of leaving. Phil's face was turned to an old painting of the Virgin Mary, meaning Dan had a excellent view of his profile. The sun coming in from the window by the painting was streaming in on Phil's side, perfectly highlighting part of his face. It made him look as if he was glowing. Dan wouldn't be surprised if Phil someday glowed. If anyone had a good enough personality to glow, it would be Phil.

Dan walked over to where Phil was standing, resting his head on Phil's shoulder. They may have just met, but Dan figured that because they were technically engaged, it would be okay for him to rest his head on his shoulder. They both continued to look at the painting. It was memorizing. The bumps left in the dried paint from the strokes of the brush seemed to form a road all over the design. Dan's eyes traced them all around in the swirling pattern. Why were they so fixated with a painting of a woman holding a baby, both draped in old pieces of cloth?

Phil let his head rest on top of his fiance's head, which was resting on his shoulder. Dan let out of a hum of content. Soon, they were broken out of their trance-like state when a cough came from the other side of the room. Phil and Dan stepped apart from each other as they turned to face a older plump man. The man had a balding head with white hair on the sides of his head, looking to be in his mid-fifties. He was wearing what normal pastors wear -- a black button down of some kind with black dress pants and black dress shoes. If it wasn't for the religious part, Dan would fit right in with the color scheme. "Hello," The man, clearly addressing them. "I'm Pastor Norris, what can I help you with?"

"We want to get married." The man didn't seem too fazed. He simply gestured for them to follow him to a room. He sat down behind the large desk, clearly meaning for them to sit down as well. The pastor started shuffling around for something. Dan and Phil sat awkwardly, sending each other glances. Phil started to laugh a little after a few minutes of sitting still while the man tried to find something. Dan quickly sent him a look that meant "shush!" Phil clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle his giggles. The Pastor finally found whatever he was looking for and placed a paper in front of them. "It's a marriage certificate. Once you sign it, we can get started with the ceremony." They nodded. Dan took a deep breath when Phil handed the pen to him after signing. This was it, he was doing it. He carefully took the pen in his hand and signed on the dotted line. It was officially signed by both of them. Now they just had to say "I do." The thought sent chills down Dan's back.

"Looks good," Pastor Norris took the paper and put it in a frame after signing it himself. "Now if you'll just follow me out here, we can start the ceremony."

Phil and Dan stood, following the minister as he led to the worship auditorium. Dan gaped in awe. He knew that churches in London were known for being exceptionally beautiful, but he didn't realize how breath-taking they really are. Every window was a stained glass window, all the windows lined up told the story of Jesus' life on Earth. At the front of the church was a stained window in the form of a cross. The pews stood in a wide berth to draw attention to the windows. Prayer rooms were lined up along the right side of the church, one equipped with a fountain. Dan didn't realize how much he had missed the feeling of standing in a nearly empty church. Maybe the presence of God was an actual thing.

"So, shall we?" The pastor turned to them.

"Sure, let's do this." Phil spoke up. Dan simply nodded. This was going to be something.

"Is one of us going to walk down the aisle or should we just skip that part?" Dan asked. He suddenly realized how unconventional this wedding truly was. Neither of their families were present, in fact, they didn't have a clue that this was happening. Sure, two guys getting married is still a little non-traditional, but not having their families there or even planning it out? Now, that was considered non-traditional. Dan couldn't really find it in him to regret that decision though. He was living life and he chose to do it like this. His mom would probably forgive him.

The wedding march started playing in the background. Dan liked this. It kind of seemed like there were in a epic movie where they were spies about to get married in the middle of the movie before they go on a super-awesome-mission where they blow up multiple bad guy headquarters. Or something like that. He mentally face-palmed as he realized how has thoughts had gotten away from the present. He was getting married for heaven's sake.

So what? Dan had an over-reactive imagination sometimes. Not his fault. It fits his aesthetic perfectly. Dan smiled slightly as the pastor beginning to start the ceremony. Phil caught his eye and smiled softly. Dan could feel his heart beginning to melt.. He squeezed Phil's hands tightly. Their hands were tightly entwined at the request of the pastor.

"Do you, Philip Lester, take this man, Dan Howell, to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and health, till death do you part?"

"I do," Phil said, smiling. Now it was Dan's turn.

"Do you, Dan Howell, take this man, Philip Lester, to be your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and health, till death do you part?"

"I do," Dan said, meaning every word of the vow.

*

"We actually did that!" Phil hollered as they exited the church into the busy London street. "I just can't believe we forgot to buy rings." Dan laughed loudly, giddy on happiness and adrenaline.

"Let's go buy our rings!" Dan proposed, technically for the second time that day. He tried to remember a jewelry store anywhere near them. "I think that's there a store on the street over, should we try there?" Phil readily agreed, grasping Dan's hand and snuggled into his side. Dan loved it.

They arrived at the shop minutes later. Dan held the door open for Phil, successfully making him blush. Dan laughed and snaked his arm around Phil's waist as the walked up to the display case. Rings glittered in the spotlights focused on them. Personally, Dan wanted something simply. He was a flashy guy but not with his accessories, which a ring technically was. He had no idea where Phil stood when it came to rings. He was definitely willing to compromise. He didn't care so much about what the ring looked like but more about how Phil felt about it. He really wanted to have matching rings. What was the point in having wedding rings if they match? Okay, a lot of points still existed for them to have rings, but matching rings were just cooler.

Dan looked at Phil, he was studying a group of rings that Dan would totally wear. Dan pointed out a ring he liked. It was a simple silver band. And Dan liked that. It stated the fact that he was married (he was married!) and that was it. It didn't flash the fact, just stated it.

Phil looked at the ring. He didn't make a face, but Dan could tell he didn't like it. Dan looked at one of the rings that Phil was looking at before Dan ruined concretion. The bands were still simple enough, Dan could deal with one of those. He silently pointed to his favorite, knowing that Phil would follow his finger. He watched as Phil evaluated the ring. He looked up at Dan and smiled, nodding his head. Dan smiled back and leaned in to give him a gentle peck on the cheek. Dan found a sales attendant and requested to size the ring and then purchase it. The attendant promised him that she would be back, leaving Phil and Dan alone.

"I still can't believe that we actually did that," Phil said, sounding a little breathless. "I don't regret it, I'm just surprised that we didn't back out, you know?" Dan nodded, wrapping an arm around Phil's waist and drawing him closer. Dan liked that he was only slightly taller than Phil. It was something unique considering how tall Dan is. All of his exes had always been a head or so shorter than him. It didn't bother him loads, but it was nice to finally have someone that was his height. It made him look less awkward as a person, something that desperately needed. Dan was incredibly social awkward except for the rare times that his brain decided he was going be confident, that had happened this morning. The salesperson came back with the rings in their requested sizes. They both slipped the rings onto their appropriate fingers. Dan immediately knew that this was the ring he wanted. He took one look at Phil's face and knew that he agreed.

"We'll take them." Dan said.

* Phil decided he wanted to show Dan his apartment. His thumb was already subconsciously running over the ring on his finger, something he just took notice of. He pulled on Dan's hand, leading him down the narrow London street that lead to his apartment. The street was almost always crowded. The crisp air blew past them as they made their way to his building, ruffling their hair and pushing their jackets slightly open. Phil shivered in response, tightening his ungloved grip on Dan's hand.

They quickly made it into the building, huddling in the lobby for a few seconds to regain some of their lost warmth. Once they were warmer, Dan opened the door to the main building and gestured for him to walk through. Phil was glad that if all the people to spontaneously get married to, he picked one that was sweet and opened doors for him. It was something that made him swoon.

Phil walked over to where the elevators were located, pressing the 'up' button. Dan followed him, resting his head on Phil's shoulder. He was so tired of a sudden. He guessed it was deserved, he did get married today. The overall shock of doing something so reckless clearly take a toll on him. He let his head loll to the side and relax against Dan's. He sighed sleepily as they waited for the elevator to ding. One of Dan's arms came to wrap around his midsection - something Phil realized he really liked. Too soon the elevator dinged and they stepped inside.

They stayed silent as the little box ascended. Their ride was cut short when the doors opened again and someone else got on. Phil gulped as he realized who it was - his mom's best friend. "Oh, Phil!" He smiled politely when she addressed him. "It's been so long since I've seen you! Who is this young gentleman?" She must've noticed how close they were standing, close enough that they probably knew each other. Complete strangers didn't stand that close. Him and Dan were only half strangers.

"Oh, uh, this is Dan. He's my, uh, husband." Dan gave a slight wave as the air in the elevator became tense.

"Oh, I had no idea you were married - or 'swung that way.'" She commented, her smile becoming forced.

"Not many do." Phil summed up, also forcing his smile. One glance at Dan confirmed that everyone was faking their smiles. Phil could literally feel the tension between the three of them.

Finally, the doors opened with a chime. "Well, this is my stop, lovely seeing you Mrs. Stanford!" He reached for Dan's hand and they made their hasty escape. Phil was trying hard not to laugh at the exchange, and by the sound of it, Dan too. Phil patted his pockets for his key, finding it and unlocking the door.

When Dan walked into Phil's apartment he was very impressed. The layout was clearly an open one - the kitchen lead into the living room and then into a hall way where two bedroom doors could be seen. And it was all so clean. Because Dan was a clean freak at the best of times, he cared about these things. Sure, a few things could be dusted or organized better but other than that, it was pretty good. Better than Dan expected. "Your apartment meets all my requirements. You can still see mine if you want but I think this will work better. More space." Dan said, walking over to where Phil was standing in the kitchen, watching him. He liked that Phil was watching him. He liked that a lot.

As Dan walked closer to Phil, he started smiling. Phil returned the smile, grabbing onto his arm and pulling Dan closer to him. Dan ended up leaning against Phil's side and he found himself wondering why he was so affectionate and comfortable with Phil, who was a complete stranger. Dan had never been a person that snuggled up with complete strangers. Every now and then he would have sex with a stranger and end up kind of cuddling them at night, but that was it. He had barely kissed Phil, why was he acting like a middle-schooler who just got a boyfriend for the first time? Dan tried to shove the thoughts out of his brain and focus on the present - Phil - as he was talking. "- we might as well go to your apartment and pick up some of your stuff. I could see your place then and then we could decide where to stay for the month." Dan nodded, pulling away from him and looking around his flat for the last time before they headed out. Phil made his way to the door, taking Dan's coat off the rack and handing it to him.

"You know, a true gentleman would help me put my jacket back on." Dan commented, putting his arms in the sleeves as Phil did the same.

"Guess you married the wrong guy then." Phil said, a smile on his lips as he went against his word and helped Dan shrug on his jacket. Of course he could put his own jacket on, he just liked the closeness that came with it. Dan smiled back, "Yeah, I guess I did." Phil also held the door open for him.

*

"And here it is," Dan commented, opening the door to where he lived. "Home sweet home." Phil followed him in, taking his coat off and laying it on one of the table's chairs.

"How - no why - is it so clean?" Was the first thing out of Phil's mouth.

"OCD," Dan explained bashfully. "I have to check that everything is off and that everything is in its place. It's annoying, but it's something that I live with. Sorry that I didn't tell you before we signed the contract and got married, I should've told you what you were getting into." Dan sighed.

"Dan, this is just a part of you, I don't consider it something that I should've known after meeting you. You aren't a damaged product or anything, you're a human. I will still grow to love you regardless of you're mental state." By the time Phil finished, Dan was in awe. How on earth did he manage to accidentally marry this man? He found himself wondering the question at least every hour since meeting him, but he was in shock over Phil. He could only felt that Phil felt the same way about him. He kind of needed Phil to feel the same way about him.

"Thank you," Dan whispered to Phil as he properly took in everything that he said. Usually when past boyfriends learned about his OCD they usually either treated him differently or left after a few days, claiming that they just felt it wasn't working out anymore or some other bullshit excuse. Dan had grown used to rejection after reveling his secret. It was almost shocking to find out that Phil didn't considered his mental illness something that made him wrong or sick. "Would you like a tour?" Phil nodded, coming to stand closer to Dan.

Dan led him throughout his apartment, showing him the small place that he called home. It was a little bit smaller than Phil's was, but it was a good size for Dan. It wasn't like he lived with anyone at the moment.

"And this is the bedroom," Dan said, pausing in front of his open door-frame. "It's the cleanest room in the house."

"Not for long." Phil uttered. Dan elbowed him in the side, laughing. "Nice try," He added. "We'll see about that later." Dan was sure he was blushing, he had to be in a certain mindset in order to be suggestive and not turn into a tomato whenever someone implied something sexual. He clearly wasn't in the mentality to be openly flirting with Phil about sex. Try again later.

Dan started to lead him back to his living room, sitting down on his couch and propping his feet on the ottoman positioned right by the couch.  "So, do you still want to move in with me?" Phil asks, sitting down besides him and also placing his feet on the ottoman. Dan simply nodded, closing his eyes. He had had a obviously exhausting day with little to no rest, he just needed to close his eyes for a second. He kind of heard Phil talking in the background, but he wasn't paying attention to what he was saying.

The next thing Dan knows, he's waking up with a jolt. He immediately sits straight up, trying to figure out where he is. Okay, he's in his living room, he can tell by the TV and couch. But why was he sleeping on the couch? Wasn't he supposed to be staying over at Phil's? Wait, where was Phil? Dan waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark room, night had clearly fallen. When his eyes finally adjusted to the dark room, he found Phil. He was curled up at the end of the sofa, Dan was surprised he didn't feel his legs. Dan studied him in the light of the moon, finally noticing all the little parts of Phil's face. He was really pretty. He had these great cheekbones that Dan hadn't really taken into depth until now. His hair fell right past his eyebrow. His lips were positioned in a pout of sorts, making him look peaceful as he slept. Dan knew differently though. He had fallen asleep in a similar position one too many times before to know what the morning after felt like. Maybe Phil like kinks in his neck and a constant soreness in his lower back, but Dan figured it was better to be safe than sorry.

He stood up, stretching before taking a hold of Phil's legs and dragging them down to the couch where he had been laying moments before. Phil made a noise in his sleep, something between a groan and a sigh. Dan smiled as he watched Phil shift until he became more comfortable in his newfound space. He figured he should probably get him a blanket. He went to his room and pulled his duvet off his bed. He would be fine with just one of the throw blankets he kept in his room, he didn't know about Phil though. He carried the blanket back to his lounge and preceded to tuck Phil in to the best of his ability.

Finally content with Phil's sleeping arrangements, Dan yawned and then walked sleepily back to his room, crawling into his bed. He fell asleep again within moments of his head hitting his pillow.

*

When Phil came to, he was confused. It took him a few minutes to remember that he was in Dan's, his new husband, apartment. He sat up groggily, noticing for the first time that there was a blanket on his chest that was definitely not there the night before. And there was a absence of Dan on the couch.

He figured that Dan probably woke up at some point during the night and retreated to his room after making sure Phil would be comfortable as could be while sleeping. He was kind of disappointed by the fact. He wanted to at least sleep in the same bed of their first night of marriage. He probably shouldn't have let Dan fall asleep and then follow in his footsteps.

"Good, you're up. Breakfast?" He jumped at the sudden voice before realizing who it was. He heard a soft chuckle come from behind him. He turned around on the couch, noticing that Dan was standing behind the high counter that separated his kitchen and lounge. "I made eggs."

Phil nodded, yawning and raising his arms above his head. Once he was done, he stood up and walked over to where Dan's table was located. He sat criss-crossed on the chair, yawning once more. Dan brought him a plate full of eggs and bacon. "Thank you," Phil mumbled to Dan, impressed by how good everything looked. He didn't pin Dan as someone who could cook. He shoveled some eggs into his mouth, relishing in how good they tasted. Usually, eggs weren't his favorite. He was just really hungry and Dan makes slightly-better-than-average-eggs. It sounded perfect to his grumbling stomach. In less than 5 minutes, he was all done with his food. Dan simply raised an eyebrow and asked if he wanted more. Phil shook his head. He could only have so much food in the morning.

Once Dan was done with his food as well Phil offered to wash the dishes. He was met with "You know you don't have to do that," from Dan. He replied to it by saying, "No, I really want to," and after more protest from Dan he finally won. "The only way I'm allowing you to do the dishes is if you wear this apron," Dan said, stepping out of the linen closet with an apron unlike any other apron Phil had ever seen in his entire life. It was just a man's body from the shoulders down, but the man was ripped and only wearing a speedo.

"Bring it on." Phil dared. Dan just handed over the article of clothing with a look of amusement clear on his face. Phil tied the apron in the back and set to work on cleaning the dishes. "Do you mind if I take a picture of you?" Phil shook his head at Dan's question. They might as well start taking pictures of each other, especially if they planned to be in each other's lives for a while, which Phil completely did. Phil made a lot of silly faces towards Dan's phone, as well as pretending that he didn't see the phone in some. He was always a person that wanted a million different photos of himself in a million different positions if he was having his picture taken. If you take a bunch of photos in a bunch of different ways at least one of them has to come out semi-good. It was just scientific fact. After a minute or so Dan asked him if he could post a picture or two to his twitter. Phil agreed and finished washing up.

"How does this look?" Dan asked, showing his phone to Phil. It showed two photos of him in the apron, his hands covered in soapy water, washing the dishes. In one of the photos he was pretending to show off his non-existent muscles. In the second one he was simply standing over the sink and seemed very focused on scrubbing the dish clean. He was absorbed by it that his tongue was sticking out at the side of his mouth. He hated when he unconsciously did that but it wasn't like he could make himself quit doing it when he didn't even realize he was doing it. Maybe he could get Dan to tell him when he was doing it so he could work on stopping it. The caption "brainwashed the new guy to do the dishes for me," with a smug emoji. Phil smiled when he read the tweet. He nodded his approval and watched as Dan clicked the tweet button.

He untied the apron and folded it back up, placing it in the closet that he saw Dan get it from.

"Everyone's already asking who you are." Dan claimed from his place on the couch.

"What are you going to tell them?" Phil questioned, walking over to where Dan was situated. He really did prefer his apartment to his own. He felt a bit more at home with Dan at Dan's place instead of his own.

"I don't know yet," Dan sighed. "I feel like I should at least tell my parents before announcing my impromptu marriage to a man on social media."

"I should probably do the same," Phil realized. "I already managed to tell my mother's best friend before her, she probably won't appreciate that."

"Should we spend the morning informing family members?" Dan suggested. "Moral support and all that?" Phil nodded his head, laughing a little a bit. "Who should call who first?" Phil asked, coming to sit by Dan properly on the couch. He sat close enough to him that he could touch him if he wanted to but far enough that it wouldn't seem like he was trying to destroy any concept of personal space between them, something that Phil would never want to purposely do.

"Can I call my mom first?" Dan asked, chewing on his lips.

"Of course." Phil said, relaxing into the couch. Dan followed his example, although Phil could clearly see that he was still very nervous. The phone rang for three rings before she picked up.

"Hey mom?" Dan hesitantly asked.

"Yes, Dan? Is something wrong?" She could totally tell that something was up.

"No, not really. Is dad there? Can you get him and put him on speaker?"

"Of course," She said reassuringly. After disappearing for a half a minute she came back. "Now, what is it, Dan? I can tell something is going on with you."

"Okay, first of all, I'm not into girls. I know you've assumed that for years but I'm just clearing the air. Second, I got married last night."

"You got married? As in legal-document-married?" She questioned. His dad had yet to say anything.

"Yes," He said, rushing to explain. "I just saw this really good-looking guy yesterday morning and we had a conversation and then I said 'let's get married' and he agreed and now we're married. He's really nice, you would like him." He could've explained that better but he was incredibly nervous.

"Dan! Is this a prank?" She sounded skeptical, and honestly, Phil would be too.

"No, I promise you, I'm serious. Do you want to talk to him?" His mom and dad gave various mummers of agreement and all of a sudden Phil was put on the spot to say something intelligent.

"Uh, hi," And he totally failed! Look at him go, failing all over the place! "I'm Phil." Okay, that was slightly better. "You're son is really nice." End him already. Is anyone out there? If anyone is, can you end him? He could literally feel his cheeks heating up.

"You sound nice as well, Phil. Why did you marry my son?" Okay, interrogation. Phil could understand that. It made sense.

"Uh, he's cute and he asked? I kind of wanted to take a risk in life and we get along really well." He responded. Being honest. He locked eyes with Dan as he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. Phil gave him a smile in return, nearly shivering at how intimate the exchange seemed. Why was Dan so different from every single person he had ever dated? Why wasn't Phil freaking out over the fact that he actually married a stranger? "Honestly, he's so different from anyone I've ever been interested in. There's just something different about him that I can't place. I think I'm going to fall in love with him." His eyes remained on Dan's the entire time, watching every reaction to his confession. Dan's eyes had softened and then widened dramatically when he confessed that he was pretty sure he was going to fall in love.

She sighed. "Dan, out of all the strangers that you could have picked, I think you picked a good one. I like him. But, you still made a stupid decision. I hope it doesn't backfire on you. I wish you two the best of luck," She took a deep breath. "Now, if you don't mind, me and your father were in the middle of something."

"Ew, mom!" Dan screamed, face screwing up in disgust. Phil tried not to laugh or aw at how cute Dan looked. "Bye, love you!" He hung up, his parents' laughter being cut off abruptly.

"Did you really mean that?" Phil's eyes found Dan's. His voice sounded so uncertain that it made Phil's heart ache. Did he not believe that it was possible for somebody to love him? Was that such a strange concept to him?

"I meant every word," Phil said earnestly. "You're really cute and lovable. I intend to take full advantage of both of those things in the most consensual way possible."

"What does that even mean?" Dan gave a watery laugh and Phil could see that his eyes were indeed watery.

"I intend to grow to love you in the best way I can. And to stare at your face as often as possible because damn, have you seen your face? But I will only do those two things with your consent. Do I have it?"

"Yes," Dan said quietly, leaning over towards Phil and closing the small gap between them. "Do I have your consent to inevitably fall head over heels in love with you someday and sometimes think some dirty thoughts about you?"

Phil's chest vibrated with laughter against Dan's as he pulled him closer into his arms. "You have a hundred percent of my consent," He giggled. "Hey, that rhymed!"

"Shut up, you dork." His tone of voice suggested that he meant the exact opposite.

*

Phil's feet were currently resting in Dan's lap as he made the last of the calls to his close family and friends. Phil was still there "for moral support" according to Dan. Phil took pride in knowing that he just wanted him there so that they could hang out. At least he was well-liked by his husband. They had agreed that they would finish calling all of Dan's friends and extended family and then they would call for some take out. Phil had convinced Dan to let him show him his favorite show - Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Dan had agreed to watching an episode while they took a break and ate. Phil counted that as a victory.

Phil was scrolling through twitter and could hear Dan finishing up a conversation with the last person he had to call. He could feel Dan half-massaging one of his feet which consisted of him kind of squeezing his foot and then letting it go. It was kind of funny how he was just subconsciously playing with Phil's feet. He decided to pull out his phone and take a picture, posting it to his twitter account. He knew that a lot of his fans of his books (which he had been neglecting in the past 24 hours, getting married counted as a valid reason to not write) followed his twitter account so he knew there would be the usual questions of "WHO IS THAT" and the likes, but a good portion of his family didn't follow it so he didn't have to worry about them finding out and being shocked. Dan had a plan to respond to some of his twitter followers after he called his family members. Was Phil even following Dan on twitter? He looked him up and quickly found his profile, scanning through the tweets and laughing at a lot of them. He hadn't realized how funny Dan really was. Of course he knew he was a funny person - he had spent a whole day in his presence - but he didn't realize the capacity of Dan's humor. There was a lot of sarcasm about politics but also a lot of stories that had happened to him.

He stumbled across a tweet that read "just had a girl ask me out and I responded with 'uh, sorry, i'm not into you,' which i followed up with a 'it's not you it's the fact that you're a girl.' i am doomed to be single and forever alone." Phil found himself properly laughing out loud. "What?" Dan asked, amusement in his voice, clearly about to laugh himself. So, Dan was one of those people that laughed even if he didn't even know what the other person was laughing at? That was something that Phil found adorable. He passed his phone to him, watching as his face turned rosy. "I can't believe that you scrolled to five months ago on my twitter," Dan said, laughing a little. "That's a lot of shit to scroll through." Phil shrugged as Dan handed his phone back, blushing a little when he realized that he had went so far back. "You're tweets are interesting," Phil explained. "Plus, I am now married to you, I need to know what I am getting myself into, twitter is a good way to do that."

Dan snorted. "Just don't find my website from when I was twelve and we'll be good."

"You had a website?" Phil exclaimed. "You have to show me!"

"No," Dan groaned, hiding his face in his hands. "I shouldn't have even mentioned it."

"Fine," Phil decided. "I'll have to get it out of you sooner or later. You picked the hard way."

"What is that even supposed to mean?" Dan muttered, brows furrowing in confusion.

"Let's order some food!" Phil said, standing up and extending his arm towards Dan. "Also, I like your apartment a lot. I would prefer if we could stay here instead of my place. I just feel like it suits us better."

"Sure," Dan agreed, shrugged. "Whatever makes you more comfortable. Do you want to pick up some of your stuff later today?" Phil nodded, scanning the menus that Dan had stuck on his fridge.

"Does Chinese sound okay to you?" Phil asked, picking up his phone and unlocking it. Dan nodded, pointing to where he circled his usual meal on the menu. Phil gave him a thumbs up as a lady picked up.

*

Phil had decided to borrow clothes from Dan another day and night before finally heading back to his apartment to grab his clothes and everything else he needed. He also needed to water his house plants and take his smallest catus with him.

Dan had asked him if he wanted him to go along, but Phil was fine with going by himself. He's positive that they could be use the hour and a half of separation from each other - no matter how well they were getting along.

That was the thing - they were getting along super well. It was kind of weird how well they worked together. Phil hardly ever found himself annoyed at Dan in the past forty-eight hours of marriage. That could be considered strange. How many strangers do you spend two days with and not get super annoyed and pissed with? None? Phil couldn't remember a time in his life when that had ever happened.

Another strange thing was how close he already considered himself to Dan. He didn't really think of him as a complete stranger anymore. He was more of an acquaintance Phil knows how quick he is to adapt to new situations - he's been on a book tour and all - but even this was a little out there for him.

He obviously didn't know how Dan felt about him, but he could assume that he could assume that he didn't hate him. He hadn't forcefully removed him from his apartment or cussed him out yet - that had to be a good sign. Phil felt comfortable coming to the conclusion that Dan did not hate him at this moment. Of course, he was annoying and that could change.

He breathed in the cool London air, exhaling and watching the way the breath fogged before disappearing into nothing with the rest of the air. He was a human, who was living and making air. It was kind of crazy. He exhaled again, watching the breaths disappear into the air. He was alive. Why did he take it for granted so often?

Phil eventually made him way to his apartment, unlocking the door and smelling the familiar and comforting scent of his apartment. As much as he enjoyed Dan's place, he missed his own home.

He set his keys, phone, and wallet down on the counter, getting to work on packing up the much needed items. He could come back if he forgot something, but he wanted the full immersion experience. To get that experience he would have to stay away from his flat as much as possible.

He really wanted things to work with Dan.

*

Dan was having his me-time. It was something that he was used to having almost all the time that he was home. He rarely had anyone over and it's not like he lived with anyone - it was the perfect recipe for isolation and depressing thoughts.

At the current moment, he was trying to figure out how he felt about Phil. They had spent the past two days - give or take a few hours - together and Dan hadn't wanted to die the whole time - which was pretty impressive if he did say so himself.

Dan didn't hate people by any means, in fact he was a rather outgoing person and enjoyed the company of other humans. But like a normal person, he also enjoyed solitude. He hadn't had much solitude the past day or so, but he hadn't minded one bit.

He laid on the couch on his back - legs crossed, arms laying by his side, and eyes closed. This was the best way for him to think. He had found the trick quite helpful when writing his novel and got stuck with world building or character development or trying to figure out exactly how hetero-normative he needed it to be so that it could still sell. He came to this couch and this thinking position when he needed the most relaxed form of thinking. And boy, was he thinking.

He was outweighing the pros and cons of this whole marriage thing. As of that moment, there were so many pros and so many cons, and it didn't make sense.

Dan is a pessimist. He's proud of the fact and he admits to it. He's a realistic person and due to how depressing the world is, he is a pessimist. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. It was alarming to Dan he hardly had any cons of Phil. Sure, he got annoying every now and then - and yes, the whole obsession with his cereal thing was a tad bit concerning - but really, why did Dan not want to slit his throat?

They had been in the same room at almost all times. If he tried to do that with his own mother he probably would've died right then and there, and he loves his mother.

Dan thought and thought, trying to warn himself about getting too invested something to quickly, about how hurt he was going to get, how his heart was probably going to end up broken and scattered into a million pieces all over the ground. About how he should care about those things more.

He hadn't ever felt something like that.

It was terrifying.

*

"Honey, I'm home!" Phil announced, carrying a small suitcase and a carry on through the door.

"You can't use that phrase, Barry B. Benson made it illegal for humans." Dan retorted in a dry voice from the couch.

"Really?" Phil pouted, dropping his carry on onto the doorway of Dan's apartment. He then kicked off his shoes before traipsing over to where Dan laid half-asleep on the couch. Phil took one look at him before crawling onto the narrow couch with him. Dan's eyes shot open, alarmed, before realizing it was just Phil. He relaxed back into the couch, readjusting his arm so it became positioned on Phil's back. Phil hummed, head finding Dan's chest easily. Phil rested his head in the crook of Dan's shoulder, easily relaxing into Dan's arms. They cuddled well - clearly they were meant to fall in love. It was basically a sign from the universe.

Phil kind of wanted to talk about moving in with Dan for the first month of their marriage. He figured that now would be as good of a time as ever - he might as well bring it up.

"Hey, Dan," Phil prompted. "I was kind of thinking about where we should live for the trial month of our marriage."

"'Trial month?'" Dan quoted, smiling a little.

"I mean, that kind of is what we are doing," Phil reasoned. "You know, give us your credit card information and get a free 30-day trial. Decide if you like it or not."

"So I'm Netflix to you?" Dan mused. Phil couldn't see his face but he was sure he was smirking.

"I'm in love with Netflix, so that should be a compliment to you." Phil said, giggling a little as Dan himself broke down into giggles.

"Now you're in love with me," Dan rolled his eyes. "What is the truth?"

"Don't pull that meme on me." Phil shot back.

"Wow," Dan commented. "Mr. Sassy. Anyways, what about where we should live? We kind of got off topic."

"Oh!" Phil exclaimed, remembering why he wanted to talk in the first. "I was thinking of moving in with you."

"We've known each other for two and a half days," Dan dead-panned. "Clingy."

"We're married." Phil retorted.

"Fair point," Dan said. "I guess you can move in." He fake sighed.

"You're so mean to me." Phil said.

"My mom was always insistent on telling my sister that boys were mean to her because they liked her." Dan said jokingly.

"That's sexism and an odd way of telling me you like me." Phil responded.

"Meh." Dan summed up, closing his eyes and pulling Phil closer. Phil hummed appreciatively.

*

"We haven't slept in the same bed yet," Phil said out of the blue. The two of them had decided to return to their writing. They were both authors after all. Dan was sitting at one end of the couch, Phil at the other. They were both typing away on their respective laptops (they had matching ones?), equally dedicated to their own stories. "Isn't that kind of weird?"

Dan shrugged. "You kept insisting on the couch and passing out because I could convince you to sleep with me. You're welcome."

"That sounds so weird," Phil comment, stopping his writing for a minute. "Like, 'You're welcome in my bed,' that sounds a little creepy, right?"

"You don't have to drag me like this, Phil." Dan said, rolling his eyes. He continued to type, briefly stopping to edit something with his mouse-pad. Phil scooted closer to Dan, laptop abandoned on the cushion where he had just been sitting.

"Are you being serious though?" Phil asked in a quiet voice. Dan looked away from his computer screen, looking over Phil. His eyes were staring at Dan's chest, something that Phil rarely did. Whenever he talked to you, he would always look directly at you, never anywhere else. Dan guessed that he was probably nervous, afraid to overstep his boundaries. Dan's eyes softened, his hand coming to rest on top of Phil's.

"Of course," Dan said. He tried to make Phil much more trusting of him, he wanted him to know that he was being one hundred percent serious. "Want to take nap?" Phil looked up, eyes connecting with his and a small smile present on his face.

"Sure."

Dan picked-up his laptop and placed it on the coffee table. He clasped Phil's hand tighter and stood up, practically dragging Phil up with him. He started down the hall, Phil trailing after Dan. "I kind of feel like you're leading me away to have sex with you or something."

"That could be arranged." Dan said, looking back at Phil just in time to see his face flush red.

"Maybe another time." Phil muttered, tightening his grip on his hand. Dan laughed, opening the door to his room.

Dan let go of Phil's hand, walking to one side of the bed. Phil got the idea and walked to the other side, climbing into the bed and under the covers. Dan did the same, finding Phil's hand under the blankets. They both laid down, heads supported by soft pillows. The room was lit with a soft glow of sun from the late evening sky. Dan moved closer to Phil, his arm snaking around his waist and pulling his back to his chest. Dan closed his eyes, allowing sleep to over take his conscious.

*

The next day Phil had awkwardly followed Dan to his room in the evening. Dan's eyes had lit up in amusement as he realized how nervous Phil still was. He climbed into the bed before kicking off his pants and waited for Phil to follow.

"I can still sleep in here, right?" Dan laughed.

"Of course you can, silly," Dan said as he pulled down the covers on the side where he wasn't laying, an open invite to Phil. "I won't bite."

"Somehow I find that to be an untrue statement." Phil retorted as he got in and pulled the covers over his legs. Dan giggled, glad that Phil was warming up. He knew that they had spent the afternoon yesterday sleeping in the same bed but it still felt more like a special occasion than a normal thing to happen between them. Dan understood why Phil was hesitating and he was kind of glad he was on some level - Phil was so scared to possibly cross some boundary between the two of them. It was really sweet how much he respected Dan and didn't want to accidentally make him uncomfortable.

"Okay, let me rephrase that," Dan clarified, relaxing into the pillow propped up against his headboard. He noticed Phil did the same thing. He smiled, glad that he was slowly becoming more comfortable. "At this moment I will not bite you."

"That sounds more like the Dan I know." Phil claimed. Dan chuckled, glad that Phil had picked up on his personality in the short time that they had known each other. Dan settled on winking at him before asking Phil if he could turn the lamp off. After getting Phil's approval, he turned the light off and the room was plunged into darkness. The only light came from the moon outside that shone through the curtain.

Dan felt Phil readjust so that he was laying down and followed, getting comfortable.

"This may be weird, but could we maybe cuddle?" Phil spoke into the empty darkness. Dan smiled as his heart clenched in endearment for this man. How could someone be so grown yet so adorable? Dan was constantly baffled.

"Sure." Dan said, not sure who should make the first move. He didn't have to wait long for Phil to come closer to him in the dark and settle next to him. He wouldn't really call it cuddling though, just laying close to each other. Dan could distantly remember doing this with his old best friend when he was in his preteens, suddenly realizing that they probably hadn't been as platonic as they though they had been. Dan pushed the thought out of his head and timidly tangled their legs together. He waited for Phil to stop him, but nothing came. Dan was aware that both of them had started to take more shallow breaths.

Dan inched his head closer to the edge of his pillow, his torso becoming closer to Phil's through the action. Phil copied his movements. Soon, they were only inches apart.

He kind of wanted to kiss Phil in that moment. They hadn't kissed since they got married and for some reason it didn't feel appropriate to do it at that moment. Dan vowed to himself that he would kiss Phil at the best possible moment that he could. Maybe it would be the one vow he wouldn't break that concerned Phil.

*

A week had passed. They were nine days into this whole marriage thing and Phil would have to say that it was going really well. Because the both of them technically worked from him they spent their days either lounging around in Dan's apartment or at their favorite coffee shops with free wi-fi. They found that they made a wonderful cooking duo. They were both pretty bad at cooking but when they cooked together they balanced each other out - this resulted in semi-good meals.

They hadn't snapped at each other yet. Of course, they had had their little arguments, but not a huge fight that ended in shouting and crying. Phil was surprised that they had gone this long without yelling. He only lasted a week of being in his dorm-mate's presence before breaking down and screaming at him. Yeah, that wasn't one of his proudest moments.

Phil figured he should just continue to not worry about the whole not-fighting thing. Most couples worry about the opposite - really, he should be thankful.

Phil looked up from the book he was reading to see that Dan was in the kitchen, his hips swaying to the music that Phil couldn't hear in his earbuds. Phil had found out this was something Dan regularly did. It was cute. Really cute, and it always put  a smile on Phil's face. The first time Phil caught Dan doing it was a few days ago. He had blushed but continued to do his little dance and mouth along to the lyrics only he could hear. Since then, Phil saw the display at least once a day. He had started to figure out that he would always do that when he got stuck with his novel.

Phil started to smell something good coming from the kitchen. Only a minute or so later Dan brought him a bowl of popcorn. Phil smiled gratefully, popping one into his mouth. Dan walked back to his table, sitting down at his laptop and glaring at the screen. Dan's creative process was always something interesting to watch. First, he would glare at his computer. His eyes would get all squinty and he would just stare down the screen like it had just committed murder or something equally terrible. Then he would huff really loudly and do something on his phone, usually check his twitter or tumblr feed (Phil had found out that those were his personal favorites). After he was done scrolling to his heart's content his eyes would return to the computer, glaring once more. He would hesitantly type a few words and then hit the backspace key with anger and an glare. Once he deleted enough of his writing he would swiftly stand up, put in his earbuds, and clean. Yes, Dan Howell was a stress cleaner.

Phil had never seen anything like it. The man would wipe every surface down twice and scrub until the sponge was gone. It really explained why the place was so clean - Dan was in his element when everything around him was as pristine as could be. Phil thought it was amusing to watch.

As soon as everything was clean in their - his - apartment, Dan would sit down and attempt to write yet again. He would get as far as a paragraph or two in before he would once again sigh and stand up. This time though, he would mouth along to lyrics and make food, his hips going back and forth as he spread Nutella on a piece of bread. Phil loved it.

And that's what Phil was doing now - eating popcorn and reading, occasionally peeking over the top of his book pages to watch Dan come up with the next best-selling book.

It was kind of a behind-the-scenes experience that he hadn't ever seen before.

*

The sun shining and Dan was groaning as the alarm clock went off for the fifth time that morning. He could kind of hear Phil whining in the background as well. Dan slammed his hand on the top of the offending object hoping to shut it off. It finally did and he turned on his side, humming contently as the room was replaced with quiet. He subconsciously reached for Phil's torso, latching his arm around his waist and pulling him closer. Phil sighed in his sleep, his arms finding a place by Dan's waist as well. Dan didn't want to move, even though he knew the alarm would go off again in less than five minutes. Plus, they did have some place to be for once. Louise was having a birthday lunch and insisted that Dan bring his husband for brunch so they could get to know each other better. Phil had enthusiastically agreed and they made arrangements for Saturday at ten o'clock. It was Saturday, nine o'clock. They really needed to get a move on. Dan dealt with the procrastination by pulling his husband closer, burying his head into the pillow.

Dan liked marriage. It suited him and he suited it. Or maybe him and Phil just worked really well together. It was easier for Dan to write with Phil around, it was easier for him to sleep and it was easier to smile with him in the house. Dan enjoyed all those benefits.

The only problem was a thought in the back of his head that wouldn't go away. What would happen when the month was over? Sure, they got along well and Dan enjoyed Phil's company and vice versa, but the foundations of a strong marriage certainly didn't last on liking each other. Maybe Dan just needed to have more blind faith in his life but he never did well in that area, just ask his severely religious grandmother. He had just always been a logical person - not a pessimist - a person who didn't overlook the negativity that was present in the world. It wasn't really a flaw but it wasn't a blessing either.

The blaring sounds of the clock rang through their apartment. Wait, their? Since when had his apartment become Phil's too? His thoughts were interrupted by Phil angrily sitting up and glaring at the offending machine. Dan laughed softly, taking notice of how Phil was now sitting on him, it was basically straddling. He used this to his advantage as he reached over to turn on the alarm for the sixth time. He reclined further into the bed, Phil as well. Dan saw a lazy smile on his lips as he sunk onto his chest. He rested his head in the crook of his shoulder - Dan had realized that this was his go to position - arms tucked between their chests. Dan's hand found their way to Phil's back, stroking circles on top on the fabric of his shirt.

Ever since the cuddled on the first night that they properly spent together touching had became a lot more easy between the time of them. Dan had discovered that Phil was naturally a very physically affectionate person, which essentially meant that he was really cuddly. Dan liked it.

They laid there until the clock made its presence known yet again. Phil groaned into Dan's neck before pulling back and sitting up, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. Dan's hands moved to play with the hem of his shirt. Phil smiled down at him, playing with his hair for a second before clambering off of Dan and turning the alarm off for good.

"You should leave your hair curly today, I like it." Phil said as he was stretching. His voice was scratchy with sleep and hoarse. Dan decided that he was obsessed with it.

"Fine," Dan decided. "But you have to wear your glasses." The first moment that Dan had seen Phil with glasses he concluded that he fell slightly more for him. Ever since then he had begged, tricked, and bribed Phil to wear his glasses during the day. He was resistant to all attempts of bribes and saw right through the tricks, even ignoring Dan's pleads for the glasses. Dan was smug with victory as he climbed out of bed. Of course, he had realized that Phil was just doing it to mess with Dan, but he didn't care at that point. As far as he was concerned, he had won.

*

Forty-five minutes later had Dan and Phil scrambling out of the apartment building and to the nearest bus stop to meet Louise for lunch. Phil was wearing his favorite button down and skinny jeans. Dan was wearing an all-black ensemble, complete with a black coat. Phil figured that he was probably trying to make a statement of some sort. He had realized that most of the things that Dan did tended to be because he wanted to rebel against society in some small way. He tended to be dramatic to the point that it just amused Phil. At least he cared enough to be extremely passionate about so many movements.

They quickly hailed a taxi and clambered into it. As of that moment, they were officially late. Dan assured him that Louise would understand and was probably running late as well. That helped calmed him down just the tiniest bit - he was nervous. He had already met Louise and she was incredibly kind and seemed like a person he would easily get along with, he was just afraid that she wouldn't like him as a person. He was quirky and a little all over the place - many described him as childish. While this was usually good, sometimes it would backfire all over the place. He really didn't want it to backfire.

The cab pulled up to where they were going to met Louise. Dan quickly paid the driver and then came to stand behind Dan, placing a hand above his hip. Phil easily leaned in closer to him for a split second before they entered into the small diner. They spotted Louise fairly quickly and moved to sit down at her table.

"Ah, it's my best friend and his husband!" She said excitedly, clapping her hands. Her hair was pulled back in a braid and her make-up was expertly done. Her outfit consisted of jeans and a soft purple top. It was simple but still worked well for her. "It's so good to see you two."

"I've missed you, too," Dan said, smiling. "Sorry I haven't picked up that many shifts lately, this guy-" he sticks a thumb in Phil's direction "- has been keeping me at home."

"Don't blame me for your laziness, that's not healthy." He responded. Louise laughed, taking a sip of coffee.

"By the way, I got you both coffee, I hope that's okay?" She directed the question at Phil who eagerly nodded.

"He lives on coffee, it's concerning," Dan said as Phil drank from his mug. "I'll wake up and he will just be in the kitchen with his face hovering above the mug as he waits for it to cool down. It's the weirdest thing."

"Okay, I like how warm the steam is from the mug. It calms me," Phil said, defending his honor. "You can't blame me for liking artificial warmth. You should try it sometime." Louise just looked amused as she glanced between the two of them.

"Try what, artificial warmth or sticking a cup of coffee under my face in a desperate attempt to feel loved?" Dan voiced.

"Both." Phil deadpanned, finally giving in and chuckling. Dan and Louise soon joined in.

*

The brunch lasted for about an hour or so. It ended when Louise had to leave to get ready for her official birthday party. Since neither of them were huge into social parties and Dan only knew half of Louise's friends (at best) they had decided not to go, hence the brunch.

Dan felt like it had gone well - Louise clearly liked Phil and it seemed that Phil felt the same. It was refreshing for Dan to know that his husband and best friend liked each other.

They were walking back from the restaurant, both equally lost in thought. Dan was daydreaming about a fight scene that he wanted to add into his newest book and Phil was probably thinking about puppies or something along those likes. Dan didn't realize how wrong he had been about the assumption until Phil spoke.

"I still haven't told my mom yet, you know, about us." Phil said, eyes focused on something in the distance. He was kind of spaced out. It felt like a spaced-out type of day.

"Should we call her?" Dan asked. He only realized after he said the sentence that he automatically assumed they would be doing it together. That was good on some level, right?

Phil shrugged, his hand bumping into Dan's. Dan took a hold of his hand, clasping it gently and swinging it back and forth between them. He like how easy things were with Phil. They just kind of let things take their course when it came to their relationship, and it kind of worked. Granted, they haven't had sex yet which was probably a fail in some peoples' books but oh well, it was working for the time being. He didn't want to rush into it and ruin things. That was probably the last thing he wanted to do.

"Do you think we could have them over for dinner?" Phil asked quietly, breaking the silence Dan had gotten them into. Dan nodded, squeezing his hand.

They arrived back at the apartment building. Not his apartment building, not their apartment building, just the apartment building. He didn't want to include or segregate Phil too heavily from his life on purpose. He just wanted the apartment to be both of theirs while not being too confining at the same time. Sometimes, Dan thought a little bit too much for his own good. It was always helpful in English class though.

When they got to the flat Dan busied himself in the kitchen by tidying things up and Phil texted his mom, inviting her and his dad to dinner sometime in the next week. They were writers so they had a flexible schedule, something people often confused with doing nothing during the day. They did do stuff, it was called staring at a computer screen and hoping words come out. It was kind of aggravating, to be honest.

"My mom said that her and dad can come on Monday night, would that work? They think you're just a friend, by the way. I'm going to break the news to them slowly." Phil leaned against the counter-top, typing on his phone.

"Yeah, that should work. What time?" Dan moved to stand next to Phil, bumping shoulders with him.

"Six-ish?"

"Mkay," Dan decided. "Now scoot, I have yet to clean that counter-top and I will not let you stand in my way." Phil laughed, moving to the other side of the kitchen.

*

Monday night came quicker than anticipated and both of the boys rushed to get the flat as clean as possible. Dan, of course, did most of the cleaning but Phil had helped. Dan insisted on making a chicken and pasta dish and Phil allowed him to, knowing that his parents would love it. It was kind of cute to see Dan fussing over little details, he was so intent on making sure that they his parents would like him. It was endearing.

Phil was still trying to figure out how to break the news to them. He probably wouldn't be proud of his kid running off and marrying a random person they met. But he still had made life choices and all actions have equal and opposite reactions. He was just dealing with it.

He couldn't get too caught up in his thoughts because just then, the doorbell rang. He quickly yelled "I'll get it!" before rushing down the stairs and flinging open the door. There stood his parents, the people that had supported him through almost everything, save for the emo phase he had back when he was 15 or so.

"Mom, Dad! I'm so glad to see you!" He exclaimed, quickly pulling them into the warm atmosphere of Dan's flat, but also kind of his flat.

As he pulled them in, he finally took notice of the other couple standing behind them. His brother and wife. Phil stiffened slightly. He loved his brother, really, but he used to relentlessly tease Phil about his sexuality and almost anything he did, which got really annoying really quickly. He wouldn't go as far to say that all of Martyn's teasing led him to repressing a lot of his character for so long, but he was defiantly a factor in Phil taking so long to realize his whole personality. He moved out for college and had finally allowed himself to be who he wanted to be - it was really eye-opening.

It wasn't that Phil didn't want his brother here - he was just worried about how everything would play out. He absentmindedly rubbed at his temples at the thought of how dinner might progress.

"Dan, my family is here," He said, giving Dan a brief warning before his family followed him into the now-smaller kitchen. "My brother and his wife also came, do we have enough food?" If Phil was a stranger, he wouldn't have been able to see the disguised shock that slowly made its way across Dan's face. He was still very composed, but Phil could see through it.

"I think we should have enough." Dan decided, stirring the pot once again. Phil decided to believe and not to stress about something he didn't have any control. He quickly showed his parents, brother, and sister-in-law to the table where the would be eating. He disappeared back into the kitchen, leaning closely to him but not touching him. He was aware that his family could still see them and he didn't want to freak them out five minutes into dinner.

Dan scooped food onto plates while Phil carried them to the table, placing in front of his family members. Once there was a plate for everyone and they had both sat down, they started dinner, officially.

"Phil, isn't that your laptop?" Martyn said, not even five minutes after they started eating. "Why are we meeting at this guy's house anyway, no offense to you, but we usually meet at your apartment, not at your friend's."

Phil placed his fork on the table, realizing he might have to tell them sooner rather than later. "One, that guy's name is Dan," Dan waved. "Two, we're actually living together right now."

"Did something happen to your apartment?" His mother asked in a worried tone.

"No," Phil answered. "We just like living together. We don't know if it's permanent yet."

"Phil, I only see one door down that hallway and I know for a fact that the bathroom is by the front door," His mom responded. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Plus, Dan's married, how does that even work?"

Dan's eyes widened as he quickly looked to his ring finger. Phil followed his gaze, noticing the ring on his finger. "Shit." He said quietly, still looking at his finger. Phil's hand that would have his ring was under the table. He rubbed his thumb across his ring finer noticing that yes, he had forgotten to take his ring off as well. Phil placed his hand with the ring on the table, watching as his dad took notice of it.

"Son, that looks a lot like-"

"We got married," Phil confessed. "We sleep in the same room, to answer your implication, mom."

"Why didn't you tell us? How long have you seeing each other?"

"We've known of each other for almost a month."

"Dude!" Martyn exclaimed, his face showing his amused shock. "You can't be serious." Phil nodded and intertwined his and Dan's hands, where everyone could see.

Cornelia - his sister-in-law - spoke up. "I think it's sweet in a way. You clearly don't know each other super well, it's a way to fall in love with someone in a different way."

"Thanks." Dan said, breaking his silence on the subject of their marriage. His mom and dad still hadn't said anything, leaving him to wonder what their thoughts were.

"Well, Dan is very nice. If this is something you want to do, then who am I to hold you back from it?" His mom said. His dad nodded in agreement and Phil allowed himself to relax slightly in his chair. "Well, should we eat?" Everyone laughed in some way and dug into their delicious meal.

*

"And so ever since that day I have been horrified of electrical outlets. Ever since Phil moved in I've just had him plug in all my stuff."

His mom was giggling, his dad had a smile on his face, and the rest of the group were all laughing. Dan knew how to tell stories, especially about his childhood. He was really winning Phil's family over, they basically loved him. Now he just needed to fall in complete love with him (which he was already doing) and Dan do the same. Life seemed simple, fall in love with someone and have them fall in love with you back. He knew it was harder than it that, but he liked to live in a world where it was that simple. If you pretended something was simple, was it not simple on some level?

Dan was sitting with his legs folded under a blanket on the couch. His hair was starting to curl, which only was a style he wore when he was stressed or at the end of the day. His cheeks were slightly rosy from having the main focus on him and laughing. Phil liked giddy, giggly Dan. He was adorable on a whole new level.

Phil snuck another look in Dan's direction, catching his eye. Dan smiled at him and Phil didn't hesitate to smile widely back.

*

Dan woke up to the smell of something burning, which is never something good to wake up. After sitting straight up in bed and assessing that no, his apartment was not on fire, he regretfully crawled out of bed. He noticed Phil's absence in bed, something that was as rare as the slight burning smell.

Dan stumbled down the short hallway and into the kitchen where he found Phil behind the tall counter that separated the kitchen from the lounge. He was wearing the infamous apron again and from the looks of it, he was trying to make pancakes. His face brightened considerably when he saw Dan, not that Dan knew why. He probably looked like he just got run over by a truck. A big, large, truck. He hadn't been sleeping too well lately and it clearly reflected on his appearance.

"Happy National Pancake Day!" Phil said happily, trying to flip a pancake. He succeeded, surprising both himself and Dan.

"I didn't realize you were one of those dorks that celebrated unofficial holidays." Dan said with amused smile on his face.

"Okay, one, I'm a dork so you should have just assumed," Phil started. "Two, everyone celebrates pancake day. It's pancakes." He said it like it was obvious that everyone and their mom and their grandmother celebrated the day.

"So I should have assumed, that's fair. How do we celebrate such an amazing day, then?" Dan rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and totally missed the way that Phil had softened while looking at him.

"First, we eat as many pancakes as we possibly can. We have to feel like we're about to explode before we can stop," Dan snorted slightly, shaking his head at Phil's theatrics. "Then, we lie around and possibly write more in our books for the rest of the day."

"Agh, Phil, that's not fair. You know I have writer's block right now." Dan complained.

"I'll help you through it, don't worry. We have to be productive, it's pancake day."

"How on earth does pancake day relate to being productive? I would've thought it would be the opposite." Dan argued.

"They both start with P, duh." Phil poured another pancake into the pan after placing one in front of Dan.

"Forgive me, oh smart one," Dan said sarcastically. "I didn't realize that two things starting with the same letter meant that they were automatically related." Phil giggled, amused at how fast he seemed to get Dan riled up after something so simple. Dan dropped his facade and started giggling along too. Soon, the two of them were laughing at the silly conversation.

Pancake morning ended covered in syrup and giggles ringing through the apartment as they tried to clean up the sticky substance off every surface. Dan had no clue how it had gotten everywhere, but it had.

The afternoon was spent in bed, laptops slightly burning skin as they both worked hard on their novels. It was nice being married to someone who understood the creative process of writing. It made things a ton easier when he needed to write. Phil got it, and he usually joined him when he could.

With stomachs stuffed and laughs flowing easy, Dan finally beat his writer's block and wrote one of the best chapters in the book.

*

It was almost the end of the third week, which meant it had almost been a month since they got married. Life was easy and simple but never plain. Phil could feel himself falling in love with Dan, he knew it. He could only hope that Dan felt the same way.  

He knew that at some point they would have to sit down and talk about what they wanted to do. Phil was all for stay married, and probably for continuing to live together. He hadn't really discussed it with Dan, he didn't know what he wanted.

Dan was supposedly on a walk, which Phil didn't believe for a second, so he quickly texted him, asking if they could talk over dinner tonight. Dan suggested going out to eat at a place where they wouldn't have to reserve a table. Phil agreed and returned to cleaning the kitchen, something that always made Dan super happy to come home to.

A few hours later, they were both climbing into a uber. Dan was looking good - when didn't he? - but he look especially good right now. Phil was constantly amazed by how effortlessly beautiful Dan was. He was kind of in awe of it.

They arrived, Phil held the door open for Dan, which made him blush. It was cute. They were led to a table and sat down. He figured they should talk about whether or not they wanted to stay married or not. Phil was leaning towards staying married. He could see them being happy and maybe starting a family later in life, a subject that they hadn't really talked about too much.

"Thanks for agreeing to have to dinner with me tonight." Phil said, catching Dan's attention. He had been staring off into the distance, something he would usually do without noticing.

"Now I feel like we're on a reality TV show, more than usual." Dan commented, making Phil chuckle.

They ordered and got their drinks and now they had probably fifteen to twenty minutes until they were interrupted. Phil figured that it would be a quick discussion, they both seemed pretty happy with where the relationship was going, why should they break-up?

"So, I figured we could talk about what to do about our marital status. Do you want to get a divorce or not?" Phil asked, feeling kind of nervous. What would happen if Dan didn't agree? Sure, it probably would be the end of the world but Phil would definitely be upset.

"Sure," Dan replied. "What do you think we should do?" Phil saw what he was trying to do. He wasn't going to admit what he wanted - he didn't want to accidentally pressure Dan into agreeing with him. As much as Dan was a loud and opinionated person, he was also a very polite person who really cared about how his actions affected other people. Phil knew that whatever he said would have an effect on what Dan said.

"I asked the question, you answer it," Phil said, trying to make it not sound like he was ordering Dan to do something. Thankfully, he was successful.

"I don't know, honestly," Maybe Phil should have said something. Dan might have made up his mind and they could stay married. "I see a lot of positives and negatives."

"Like?" Phil urged him to continue.

"Like you're a great person and I really enjoy spending time with you, Phil. I do have feelings for you, like a lot of feelings, but we've only known each other for a month." Phil figured that was fair. They had only known each other for a month. He would love to trick himself into believing that that was a long enough time to make the decision.

"How about we wait? Give it another two weeks?" Phil suggested warmly, staring at Dan across the table.

"Yeah, I don't want to divorce you quite yet." Dan teased, smiling at Phil.

"Give it another month, you just might change your opinion." Phil said. Dan laughed, cheeks flushing as the night went on. Phil felt warm.

*

The next morning turned into afternoon and then into evening. Phil worked progressively on his novel while Dan  kept him company by watching Netflix on his laptop in bed with him. He claimed "that any person that works on a novel for most of the day without another person doing shit with them will go insane." So Phil let Dan watch most of a season of Doctor Who with him.

It was relaxing and easy and Phil loved it. If he was Dan he would claim it was his aesthetic. Laying in bed with him for almost the entire bed while they lazily did things things they enjoyed with each other made him really happy. He hoped it wouldn't come to an end.

They lived with each other so easily and Phil could feel himself falling for Dan. He never felt this strongly for anyone, especially this quickly in the relationship.

*

"Let's go shopping." Dan said as he crawled into the bed where Phil was still (slowly) waking up. Something he loved to do was crawl into bed with Phil. Ever since they started to share a bed regularly he found himself cuddling with Phil as he woke up. He usually laid in bed for fifteen minutes or so longer than Dan did. He would turn on the coffee machine and then sneak back into bed, it was a routine well practiced and enjoyed by the both of them.

"Why do you want to go shopping on today of all days? It's a rainy Monday morning." Phil replied, readjusting so that Dan could spoon him better.

"I dunno. Figured it would be nice. Give us something to do on a rainy Monday morning." Dan said.

"Okay, let me get dressed."

He did just that and soon enough they were in a Uber, heading to the mall. Dan wasn't sure exactly what they were going to do or buy, but he figured it was better than just doing what they had been doing the past few days - working.

They got out of the car, holding hands, and walked into the building. "We should go to Nike to get some clothes to work out in." Phil said. Dan snorted, shaking his head.

"Yeah, 'cause we're that couple." He added on.

"The super fit ones."

"Clearly, look at us."

*

The mall was fun, they walked around and Phil found a bank that ate the money, something that slightly horrified Dan and highly amused Phil. He bought one and then they went to lunch. It was about two in the afternoon and they were just arriving back to their apartment.

"Let's make cookies." Dan suggested, already pulling out the necessary ingredients for the recipe.

"I'm not against making cookies but I feel like something is going on," Phil said, pulling out a bowl. "Is there anything that is worrying you or something?" Truth be told, there was. Dan was falling for Phil but he had thought a lot about it, why pretend that they were going to be together forever when they probably weren't? Yes, they had feelings and yes, those feelings were strong, but wouldn't it all quit after a while? Romance always goes away in one way or another, whether it be cheating, divorce, or death, love never wins. What was the point in pretending that it will last? Dan couldn't see one. It would be easier to just end things now, before he got too hurt and Phil got too involved.

"Can we sit?" Dan asked, gesturing towards the bar-stools positioned at the counter. "Now that you say that, I do have something I want to talk to you about."

"Uh, sure." Phil replied, moving over to the bar and pulling out a stool for Dan before sitting down himself.

Dan tried to compose and synthesize his thoughts into one eloquent thought. He needed to say this is the most respectful and caring way possible, he was just trying to figure out how to do that. "I'm not sure I want to stay married," After seeing the look of alarm on Phil's face, he quickly rushed to finish his thought. "I don't want a divorce either! I just don't know if love is right for me."

"What do you mean by that?" Phil asked, clearly confused. Dan sighed.

"Have you ever thought about how hopeless love is?" He questioned, knowing Phil probably hadn't. "We live our whole lives searching for true love, we find it once, but it still ends up disappearing in one way or another. Death rips lovers apart, cheating ruins couples, and falling out of love isn't too uncommon. What's the point in pretending neither of us will get hurt?"

"Are you trying to say you don't have feelings for me any more? Because if so, it's okay." Phil said, looking distressed. He clearly was trying to figure out why Dan was having such a major freak-out.

"No, that's the point! I do, I totally do! I think I might be in love with you! But all love ends, you know? We can't do anything about it?"

"So, who cares? Death is inevitable but we still live. The whole point is that we're alive in this moment," Phil said, holding eye contact with Dan, his eyes staring him down. "That's the whole point of life, we do things because of how they feel."

Dan couldn't hold it anymore, he surged forward, connecting his lips with Phil's. Phil caught his waist as he slipped off his chair, Phil was barely taller than him now, using this to his advantage. Dan deepened the kiss and Phil happily obliged.

Phil stood from the chair, his hands wrapping around Dan's waist tighter as his lips left Dan's and started to mouth down his neck. Dan tilted his head back, allowing Phil more access to his neck. His hands came to rest on Phil's shoulders, his hands clenching his shirt tightly. Phil realized how worked up this was making Dan and started to suck on his neck, successfully making a small noise of pleasure come from Dan's mouth. He slid his eyes shut, one of his hands coming to rest in Phil's hair.

"Phil, Phil," He breathed, cheeks flush. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Bedroom?" He asked with a glint in his eye.

*

Needless to say, Dan changed his mind about the divorce after that night. Phil was completely right, why deprive himself of falling in love, especially with someone who loved him back.

It had been a year, an eventful one. Phil had sold his apartment and officially moved in Dan about a month after they decided to stay married. Dan's book was set to release in a month, Phil's had been released a few weeks ago. Apparently the best way to get rid of writer's block was sex. Crazy concept.

They ended up getting a dog, who was loved and adored. They named her Piper. Dan doesn't really know why they decided on that name. It just kind of suits her.

Phil had brought up the subject of adoption a while ago and Dan had finally seen his side and agreed. They visited a local agency together and started filling out paperwork. Because they are planning to add to their family, they need to add to their place. Phil was currently looking at homes this very second.

Dan smiled warmly in his direction, finishing the order of pizza. Once he hung up on the delivery guy he walked towards Phil, deciding to sit directly next to him on the couch. Resting his head on his shoulder, Dan closed his eyes.

"What about this one? It has a pool, too!" Phil said. "It has 3 bedrooms and almost everything on our wishlist."

"It sounds perfect, babe."