#urn rings for ashes

[saintdiamonds01]

Urn rings for ashes - Saint Diamonds™

Celebrate the life of your loved one with a meaningful and practical memorial. Choose a cremation diamond as a personal tribute, a valuable keepsake that can be privately kept or displayed in jewelry. Honor your loved one's memory with dignity, wherever life takes you.

[urnsukuk]

He is a husband, a father, and a son. That's how you describe a man who's already married. But for a girl, he is her daddy. He is the first man who loves her imperfections. But he's already gone, and no one would tell her these things. All she has left is a ring made from ashes of her father.

She longs for the first man who wipes her tears away whenever she falls. The first man told her that she is beautiful and she outsmarts everyone in his eyes. She misses the days where she could run towards him whenever she comes, and warm kisses and hugs will welcome her.

Those are the days that she keeps in her memory. The treasure that no other things can compare. She has the ring made from the ashes of her father to comfort her. It is her confidence whenever she is nervous. And a clear vision in her blurry days. 

In the days to come, she will look for his presence at home. She will dial his phone number to ask where he is but will stop because she realizes no daddy will answer the phone. Days will become months, but she still longs for her first prince charming. It is hard for her to let go, but she is making a way to survive it. 

Her smiles are no longer the same. She smiles to cover up the pain and loneliness. It is no longer the smile she sets that lightens up the whole space when she is around. She feels like the light loses its energy to brighten the night. That is why she is dull and gloomy. 

[saerotonins]

the love that came back

ft. nanami kento x fem!reader

"what more could you wish for?

when the love you once lost, came back into your arms again,"

content warnings: jjk shibuya arc spoilers, angst, fluff if you really squint, little dialogues, going through grief and depression, pure pain, just reader's life through her perspective, implied major character death, bittersweet, depictions of the afterlife, happy ending (i promise)

wc: 4,933

note: i'll just be letting my feelings out because we're about to mourn LMAO enjoy!

inspired by and best enjoyed with: this love by taylor swift

October 31, 2018

when you heard a knock on the door, you expected kento to great you with a smile on his face and a sweet kiss to your lips.

but what you got instead is shoko right in front of your doorstep, giving you the news that your fiancée lost his life in the middle of the war across shibuya— then you felt like your world had crumbled right before your very eyes. he had promised. he had promised to come home to you tonight and come trick-or-treating and give the kids around the neighborhood some candies.

kento never breaks his promises, especially when it comes to you.

but there's always a first time, as they say.

you felt your knees turn into jelly as you fall onto the floor, eyes wide, and heart incredibly shattered. you couldn't believe what you were hearing, this must be a sick fucking joke. there's no way the love of your life is just gone like that. he doesn't fucking deserve this.

"i'm so sorry, y/n," you hear shoko said as she guides your limp body to sit on the couch but you could hardly hear her between your ragged breaths and the ringing in your ears.

what would her apology do anyway? would that sorry bring him back? would that bring him to your arms once again? 

you feel your eyes swell with tears and let them fall off as they please. you wail in shoko's arms, you let out the loudest screams you ever let out in your entire life but none of those did anything to the amount of pain your heart is currently bearing. and for shoko, who has seen a fair share of gore and violence in her life, has never been so disturbed and heartbroken when she saw you wept and mourn for your lover.

that night when shoko left you on your own (not that she had the choice), you drank the fruit flavored champagne you usually sip with kento as he enjoys his whiskey, downing it like it was water but it tasted different.

there's this saying that alcohol tasted better when you're happy and around the people you cherish the most.

your sweet champagne started to taste bitter ever since, and a part of you died that day.

the days have gotten colder.

you miss the way kento's arms would wrap around you, you miss the warmth that he provided, something the heater in your shared home couldn't give.

you feel empty, everything has gone silent, and you hate it. at times like this, when kento is home, you would hear him hum with the vinyl he chose to listen to going along the silent rustle of either the newspaper or a book he had been looking forward to read.

now it's just silence. it's all new to you. you almost even forgot how your voice sounded like because you had no one to talk to.

for the past few weeks, your family and friends, even shoko had visited you to make sure you were okay. but whenever they try to initiate a conversation, they only get either a curt nod or nothing. they have also noticed the change you have been going through. the usual sparkle in your eyes gone, you've gone extremely quiet, your appetite has drastically changed, but they understood nonetheless. 

a few days ago, with the help of his family and from the mercy of any entity that existed out there, the jujutsu tech was able to retrieve kento's body, whatever is left, that is— cremated him and finally held a proper burial. that's the least he deserves.

you asked if you could keep some of his ashes in a little urn, and his family, bless their hearts, agreed as they know that both of you share the pain of losing a loved one. there, it sits in his study together with his pictured frame. another one also sits on your chest, a necklace that holds some of your beloved. a piece of reminder that you and him will still be together.

you walk towards back to the living room, seeing the mess that has been made because truthfully speaking, cleaning up the house was the least pf your problems when you had a lot going through. it has been really rough. every night, at 7 pm, you yearn for the knock of your door, kento's voice declaring his arrival, "hon, i'm home," he would usually say.

now, it's all gone. the clothes he had worn the previous days still in the laundry bags, untouched, for the fear that his scent might go away. 

it scares you. the thought of forgetting the sound of his voice, his smell, his warmth, his company, not being near your reach, terrifies you to the core. but you have to face it all. put on a brave face, live on a life where he doesn't exist anymore. but deep in your bones, your heart, and your soul.

he's still around.

he should be. he promised eternal life with you, willingly get on one knee to put on the prettiest engagement ring you had ever seen.

the saddest part is, he wouldn't be able to see you walk down the aisle. both of you had dreamt of a wedding so perfect. you designing your own gown that would compliment his, a small wedding enough for your family and closest friends, and a honeymoon trip to malaysia where you could just bask in each other's presence, forgetting everything and savor each moment.

he had promised you forever.

and kento never lies. 

but then again, there's always a first time.

it has been months. nothing has changed.

you still feel so empty. nothing has changed around the house either. sure, the living room is clean enough but the bedroom you once shared with kento stayed the same.

you refuse to wash his clothes that was in the laundry basket, you refused to wash the bedsheets, you refused to even make up his side of the bed. and despite how much you missed him, you refuse to sleep on his side of the bed, fearing that sleeping over his scent would lose him completely. it was exhausting to yearn for someone you know is not going back, but you do it anyway.

from the tailoring shop you own, many bride-to-be's are going in and out to pick out wedding dresses with their pretty engagement rings decorating their hand. it feels like a slap to the face, angering even. why do these women have to be so happy picking out the perfect wedding gown while you're out there sulking, stuck with what if's and what could have been.

what could have been your gown? his suit? what could have your wedding venue look like? what could have happen in your honeymoon?

and when you realize that it will always stay that way, it fills you with envy, but more so with sorrow.

it's so unfair to be mad at these people who were lucky enough to find the one but you couldn't help it.

you just also hate the pity smiles they give you when you answer their question, "when's your wedding?" once they caught a glimpse of the engagement ring kento gave you with, "my fiancée passed away," with a forced smile on your face. you're just thankful they don't push you to answer any more questions.

the ring kento gave you is one thing that you will never remove. aside from your necklace, this is a reminder that kento loved you enough to propose, to ask your hand in marriage. that may not be enough considering your situation, but it is something, so you keep it around anyway.

when the shop has finally closed for the day, you come home, sit on his study and sketch more of the wedding dress ideas that you had on your what could have been wedding with kento. you have gone through almost 3 journals sketching everything aside from the dresses. it was venues, suits that he could've worn, your dress, and of course sketches of the both of you walking down the aisle.

whenever you sketch, a tear falls down, then another, and another, until you cry a river all over the page, not caring if the lead from the pencil is barely there due to the wet pages or the ink from your pen is smudging. when you go back to the pages, you see it. you don't mind that it has become messy, it represents the feelings that you have. the yearning, the grieving, the sorrow of a what could've been wife to a what could've been husband.

more months pass by and it's still the same.

it's empty, it's all routine. you wake up, wash your face from the dried tears that you wept from the night before, shower, get dressed, go to kento's study just to admire his face from the picture frame where his urn is placed and say your goodbyes as you kiss his pretty face through the the frame and off you go to work.

it's clockwork, but you don't mind. it's one of the few things that kept you sane, but a deep burning hole in your heart still fire ablaze, waiting to be set off. you doubt it will happen, but some coping might help, so you pretend that you don't mind.

when the night comes, you still prepare meals enough for two, it's muscle memory, you seem to master making portions of two and you plan to keep it that way. it's one of the only ways that keeps you alive. you either save the other half on the fridge or give them to your neighbors.

you had also convinced yourself to wash the bedsheets, but you always remember to spray kento's cologne on his side so it feels like he never left, but his clothes on the laundry basket remains untouched. you have gone through multiple bottles of his favorite perfume from spraying almost every surface of the house, it's expensive but it doesn't matter. as long as it helps to keep his memory, you don't mind.

your friends and family visit you from time to time, to check up on you. they know you're just putting a smile on your face, it's obvious, because your eyes don't shine like they used to, but that's fine enough for them. they also noticed how the house strongly smells like him, but they don't complain anyway.

and as you close your eyes, you take one careful sniff of his pillow that you have grown accustomed to embracing every night (but you know it doesn't feel the same but it would suffice), and drift yourself to sleep as quiet tears fall down.

today is a pretty quiet day. you took a week off from the shop but you're lucky enough that your sister is more than willing to help you. you've been doing nothing but cleaning around the house, watching shows, doing strolls across the neighborhood, visiting parks, and mostly sleeping. it wasn't the most productive way of spending your days off but these are just the things you do with kento when he was still... alive.

it was usually lively when you do it, but now it's quite different. the hums he would usually do to accompany the vinyl he is playing and the quiet rustle whenever he turns a page on his books, all gone. the silence is so loud that you could swear you can hear a hair pin drop. you could only hear the swirls of the fan and your breaths. 

it's silent but it's deafening.

you stood up from the couch and decided to spend some time in his study. these months, you had been spending a lot of time there, doing whatever you can to bring some life into it. 

kento has always been an organized man, not a speck of dust present or a single item misplaced. but ever since, you always thought that it looked like no one was there to inhabit it anymore. so, with a silent apology, you try rearranging things around, keep his lounge and study chair warm but that's about it.

once you entered his study, you remembered that kento has a lot of books left unread. he has been planning to get around and read it. but now he can't, the thought just broke your heart.

skimming through his shelves that was adorned with many books, one caught your eye. it was slightly misplaced, leaning towards another book with a bookmark sticking out.

kim jiyoung, born 1982, it read.

you remember this book.

October 24, 2018

"dear," kento had called out as you were scrolling through your phone with your head on his lap.

"you should read this book sometime, i think you'll like it," he said, making the book cover more visible so you can read the title.

"kim jiyoung, born 1982?" you read out loud.

"yeah, it's a very powerful book from what i've read so far, i think you'll feel the same way about it,"

you hummed, with the busy schedule around the shop, you're not so sure, "i'll borrow it from you when i finally have the time, besides, you can finish reading it first and tell me your thoughts about it, how's that sound?" you say with a smile on your face.

"sounds like a plan, but i can read it a lot to you right now?" 

you like the idea he proposed, his voice is relaxing so you definitely won't mind.

"okay, but i like it better when you read it to me anyway," 

a small smile escaped from kento's lips as a playfully scoffs, "whatever you say."

you hear him clear his throat before reading, "when jiyoung was in fiftth grade..." 

for the next few pages, you felt your eyes grow heavier as you heard his soothing voice grow quiet and let yourself drift asleep.

you regret sleeping on his voice that day. if you would've known it was the last time you would hear him read a book to you, you would've listened more attentively, record his voice, and listen some more. you feel your lips quiver as you feel tears threatening to leave your eyes.

you pick up the book and opened the page where the bookmark sits and you realize he's almost halfway through. you remember him saying that he'll get back to reading it after halloween once his schedule opens up.

guess that will never happen.

you sit on the lounge chair on the drawer where his urn and picture frame is placed. through shaky hands, you remove the bookmark and open the book wider.

"kento, i'm sorry if my voice isn't as soothing as yours but i will try and help you finish this, so just listen and relax, alright?" you voice is shaky and cracking, and you hope he won't mind, you he will listen just like you did, you hope he closes his eyes and rest wherever he is.

after releasing a ragged sigh, you read, "jiyoung's mother received information that the new..."

as you read through the pages, your ready becomes more and more sloppy, sometimes having to repeat sentences or words when you feel like you didn't say them properly. some of its pages soaked with your tears, and take deep breathes when the pain is caught up in your throat. you give kento a silent apology for ruining his books. 

and you hope it's enough, because that's all you can do.

hope.

from then on, you finish book after book during your free time, slowly going through the unread books across his shelves. as time passes by, you may have gone through a lot of his books but reading them never goes easier. every time, you would flood the pages with tears, your breaths are never steady, and by the end of every reading, you would hug the book and close your eyes, sometimes creasing some of its parts.

and you hope he doesn't mind.

July 03, 2019

this is his first birthday that you would have to celebrate alone. and the thought breaks your heart.

as you set the cake on the table beside his picture frame and light the numbered candles.

you blankly at the flames on the cake. he would've been 28 today.

you take a very deep breath and started to sing.

"happy birthday to you," tears started forming in your eyes, singing the song out of tune and through your shaky breaths, "happy birthday to you,"

"happy birthday, my dearest kento," you take another deep breath.

"happy birthday to you." you sang for the last time before blowing out his candles.

another deep sigh. you kiss the pendant that sits on your chest, "i love you," and then the engagement ring on your ring finger, "so, so, much."

from then on, every time the 3rd of july comes around the corner, it becomes clockwork. you sing, blow the candles, kiss the pendant and the ring, and eat the cake all alone. 

it never gets any better, though.

through the years you watch the numbers from the candles grow older.

but you know deep inside he doesn't. the ticking of his clock has stopped.

and so did yours.

October 31, 2019

you dreaded this day to come. on the same year, you managed to come across both of kento's firsts.

his first birthday without him celebrating with you and his first death anniversary.

ever since his funeral, you never had the will in you to actually visit his grave, where his family decided to bury his ashes. you were a coward, you admit.

but losing someone you loved the most is never that easy to get over with.

having to come face to face with your lover's grave is no easy task. you touch the tombstone where his name is engraved.

Nanami Kento

July 03, 1990-October 31, 2018

your soul will always be in our hearts

you sit onto the green grass, put your arms on his tombstone and rested your head over it.

for a while it was silent.

until a rain of tears eventually dropped.

"you're so unfair, kento," you said. your voice hoarse but considerably unnoticed as the pain took over. "you said you'd come home to me, but you didn't," you don't care if there were other people around you, you need to let go of the bottled-up feelings you had for the past year. and so you wail, and wail, and wail, and yell about how much of an asshole he is for leaving you alone. cursing every entity that exists for not protecting your beloved enough. the anger through your voice seeps in but you know deep inside that he's not an asshole. you're just mad and you don't have any way to cope but this.

but your cries have been met with silence, a daily reminder that he's really not here with you. and it breaks you. 

"i love you so much, i miss you so much, i'm sorry for being mean. rest well, my beloved, you have done so much." you say and seal it with a kiss before going back home, if you could still call it that.

every year when this dreaded day arrives, you pick yourself up and go to his gravesite. but this time, you spend your time telling him new hobbies you picked up on, adventures you've gone through, and stories that you have already told him before.

when he was still around, he would ask some questions and reply with either a comment or a laugh.

but this time you were only met with silence.

conversations with him never sounded the same.

20XX

years had gone by without him. you didn't know how you did it either. every day is a new pain that you have to face but you suck it up anyway.

tonight is just a typical night, you were tired from managing the shop and just finished reading kento a book. nonetheless, you prepare yourself a meal as you feel your stomach growling.

as you sit down at the dinner table, you notice something incredibly wrong.

this is the first time you have prepared a portion enough for one.

that thought alone terrified you to the core.

every night you miss his voice still. you wish the voice messages that he left you on the phone would suffice but they didn't. through the phone, his voice doesn't sound as soft and as caring compared to what you usually hear when he's around. but it's not like you can do anything about it, can you?

you have gone through every voice message that he sent you, hundreds and hundreds of them, but you never get tired of it. it has been your lullaby for the past years. you convince yourself that this is the same as when you hear his words fresh from his lips, but you know it's not. it will never be the same. you miss the sound of his actual voice. every laughter, every chuckle, every syllable that escapes his mouth, you miss it. 

the sound from your device isn't as comforting as it was, and it scares you to think that at some point, you will forget what his actual voice sounds like. you didn't like that thought one bit. 

he had flooded your senses. his touch, his smell, his voice, his love, it had invade all of you and has become a part of you and you're afraid that one of those will be forgotten so you desperately try to keep everything alive. 

even when he's not.

you're old now. wrinkles have adorned your whole body and you're not as strong as you used to.

but your love towards kento remained the same. it has become stronger, in fact. being old sometimes makes your memories a bit blurry but everything about your lover is something that you could never forget.

you browse through your photos in the album that has been left. you stroke through his pictures like you can still feel the heat through his skin. you miss the feel of his sharp features and the soft gaze of his eyes. you miss the way he would kiss every part of you and show you how much he loves you in every way possible.

everything still feels like it's yesterday. while everybody moved on, you stayed. deep inside you're still living in a time where kento was existing. you know he would've loved your nephews, nieces, and your grandchildren.

after him, you never loved anyone. you could never love anyone other than him. how could you, when he's all that plagued your mind, you keep on trying to keep his legacy alive, not a part of him forgotten, that he will always be remembered. 

you've been diagnosed a chronic heart disease, but whenever a pain pangs in your heart, you're sure it's not your illness, but the pain of being left alone by a lover who swore to stay by your side.

you know you don't have much time left, and you have come to terms with it, happy, even. you want to meet your lover once again. you want to see kento right before your very eyes and reach him just like you did in your youth.

so by the summer, you have decided to visit kuantan, malaysia with your family.

it's the place you wanted to avoid the most but you know now for sure you're brave enough to visit it. he would've wanted you to go here, he wanted to go here. even if you're a little late, you're glad to make it just in time.

your eldest granddaughter have been guiding you along the shore. you bask in the fresh air and the sound of the waves from the ocean. every thing is so peaceful, but you wish kento was here to witness it with you.

you inhale the air with a weak smile in your face.

one of your nephews then had helped you tuck in for the night.

it was so peaceful. and for the first time in years, you have finally let out a big and genuine smile.

you feel your eyes getting heavy and you know it's going to be the last. and you've never felt any happier.

October 31, 20XX

you have finally died twice.

you were finally buried next to the love of your life. 

in your funeral, your family used the picture you took a long time ago, back when you were 27, mourning and incredibly heartbroken for the lost of your lover.

the kind elderly photographer from the studio you took your photo from was confused as to why you could have been taking one while you're young and looking healthy.

"i don't want to pry sweetheart, but if you're still young and healthy, why are you taking a picture now?" she asked, but you don't mind it one bit.

"when i die i want to look like me and my husband were the same age," you answered with a big smile on your face.

since i too, died that day, you would add but decided against it.

the lady seems taken aback but appreciates the sentiment behind it anyway.

you let out a wide smile so that when both of your pictures are put beside each other, it would look like the one you wore when he was still around. 

when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by the blue sky and a fresh breeze of air. you felt the grass tickle against your skin and it was pleasant. when you get up, you feel your body get lighter, it's as if you weren't old, that you were back from your youth. you looked on your arms and every wrinkle that you remember being present there was all gone.

you look around you and you see a very pleasant scenery. there were trees around and from far away, the splashes of the ocean can be heard. for some reason, everything feels light, including your heart. some butterflies swarm around you like you were a flower, you reach your hand out, letting some of them sit on the tip of your finger.

you were enjoying the company of the butterflies and taking in the beautiful scene before you.

"darling," 

you hear a very familiar voice, and your eyes immediately widen

this isn't a dream right? this is really happening, right?

you whip your head towards the direction of the voice and there you see it.

your lover, your soul, the love of your life, nanami kento.

he looks so ethereal, so peaceful, especially with the soft smile spread across his face.

you're dumbfounded but you take a step, and then another, and another, until you ran your way across the grassy field and leap into his arms. and it was—

oh.

it was so warm. just like how you remembered. you feel your tears fall from your face and weep as you bury your face on the crook of his neck. you decide to take it all in. you inhale his scent, one you have been longing for years, your hug tightens around him. oh he feels so warm. so, so, warm. it's like time has never gone by.

"i'm so sorry," kento said, apology obvious from his voice, "i'm so sorry i was weak—"

"no!" you say as you immediately face him.

"do not say that darling, don't, i know you have fought long and hard enough," you carefully lift your hand to touch his pretty face. you were shaking but you were careful, like he was something fragile, something you're afraid to break. when you finally place it on his face, he immediately leans towards your touch. "t-this is real, right?" he nods, his smile growing much wider, "we don't have to be apart any longer," kento declared with full confidence.

that sentence alone urged you to chase his lips onto yours, the kiss was full of yearning, it was passionate but never aggressive. all of those years, you share silent longings and the hurt between your lips. kento pulled you deeper into the kiss but he was careful enough to handle you gently. every apology was spilled onto both of your lips as you felt tears stream across his face, and that's how you knew he longed for you as you did for him.

without words, you knew how much kento appreciated you for keeping his memories alive. it was enough for you to know that he listened to every word you let out as you read the books in his study, every word that you sang during his birthdays, and every word that you let out whenever you visited his grave. he knew all of it. he watched you weep in sorrow which broke his heart because he doesn't know how to comfort you, but he greatly loved and cherished every gesture. and so, it is his turn to return all of it back to you. 

and he now has forever to give you.

without words, you know what his lips spelled against yours.

i love you.

for once, the love that was once lost, the love that you had to let go free—

finally came back to you.

both of you have finally turned 28.

then, you feel the clock started ticking again until eternal ends.

another note: this is officially the first fic i wrote and i hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it. i feel like this piece will always be so dear in my heart. rest in peace, my beloved nanami kento, you have fought long and hard. 

[blueiscoool]

Imperial Roman Necropolis Found in Sicily

Archaeologists with the civil engineering company Italferr have unearthed a Roman settlement and necropolis during the construction of the new Palermo-Catania-Messina railway link in Sicily.

Located on a hill overlooking the Dittaino River, this Roman settlement dates back to the mid-1st to the 3rd century CE. The site’s strategic position, offering control over the Dittaino Valley and key communication routes, underscores its importance during its time.

Excavations have revealed a well-organized rustic villa complex, known as a villa rustica, which was central to the settlement’s agricultural and livestock activities. The villa’s central room, flanked by three ambulatories, has been identified through traces of collapsed roof materials. The villa’s remains indicate not only a residential function but also a productive role, likely linked to the region’s agricultural economy. Remnants of pavements and collapsed structures further emphasize the villa’s significance.

To the west of the settlement lies an extensive necropolis with 168 burials, showcasing a highly stratified society. The burials range from simple earth pits covered with tiles to monumental tombs, indicating significant social diversity within the community.

Among the notable graves is a bastum, or mound grave, which contained exceptional funerary offerings, including five necklaces, two gold rings, and a cinerary urn made from Carrara marble.

The urn bears an inscription dedicated to a “Magnus Magister Pecoris,” an official responsible for overseeing sheep breeding, and another inscription mentioning a “dispensator” who donated the urn to the deceased.

Magnetometric surveys to the east of the settlement have identified a possible cult area. Archaeologists found traces of burnt animal bones, ash layers, and alluvial deposits in a natural channel, indicating ritual activities. Among the recovered objects are oscilla masks, bone needles and pins, and a die with an undeciphered inscription. These artifacts suggest the performance of rituals and offerings to various deities in connection with festivals and ceremonies.

Italferr, a company under the Ferrovie dello Stato Italiane Group, has been at the forefront of integrating archaeological expertise with modern engineering practices since the 1990s. The company’s proactive approach to preventive archaeological investigations has proven instrumental in preserving cultural heritage while advancing infrastructure development.

The excavations at the Palomba-Catenanuova section began in 2020 in collaboration with the Soprintendenza Beni Culturali e Ambientali di Enna.

By Dario Radley.

[anothermansjeans]

Hey i hope you get your mojo back! As my personal indulagance which hopefully also help you may i please requeat 6 and 8 from the first random dialoge list with spencer read and an NONbau reader, exstra love if its an neighrbour reader!

Love and kisses ❤️❤️❤️

thank youuuuuu!!!! i also want to apologize-- you didn't specify gn or fem! reader and i was just about done when i realized i did fem!reader, so lmk and i will happily rewrite if needed 🫶

i also don't know how i feel about this but i tried lmao

also only a little proofread...

prompts:

"Please tell me this is the part where my life doesn’t have to completely fall apart."

"This is the one time I’m wishing they’re calling about my car’s extended warranty."

cw: mention of family member dying, the word vomit being used

wc: 920

++

Spencer was very concerned. His neighbor– his very attractive, down to Earth, and kind neighbor– was frantic, eyes sunken, and just wasn't as… present as she usually is. Spencer was concerned.

His concern also may have been a bit biased because of the small crush he harbored for her… but he didn't want to think about that too hard.

He hadn't been around much recently, getting called into the BAU more often than not, but when time did allow him to linger around his building, he would see the distress on her from a mile away. The other day, right before a case, he was locking up his apartment when she was just getting home. It was quiet this time of day, but that was cut short when her phone started to ring.

“This is the one time I’m wishing they're calling about my car’s extended warranty.”

Her disgruntled mumble was pretty soft, and if Spencer wasn't right across the hall from her he wouldn't have heard it. He wanted to see if she was okay, but she answered her phone and he was being asked for his ETA at the BAU.

When that case was finally over, and he was walking back to his place, he suddenly stopped and turned towards her door. There was a package in his apartment that was placed with his mail in the mailroom, and only really looked at it last week; right before he left for a case. He would've given it to her then if he wasn't already late at the time, and he didn't feel comfortable leaving it in front of her door so this was truly the next best thing.

His plan was the following: knock on your door, tell you he has your package in his apartment, grab said package, and then leave with dignity. There was no way he could screw this up.

His knock was soft, but the way she swung open the door was a sharp contrast to that. “Please tell me this is the part where my life doesn't have to completely fall apart oh– you're not the delivery guy.”

Your dejected look caused a small ache in his chest. “No, but the delivery people tend to not come to our doors, they're supposed to stay in the mail room– you already knew that.” He was getting flustered. This was not a part of the plan. “Are you okay?” He couldn't help himself. After seeing the way you were last week, and how that hasn't changed one bit since he was gone… he really wanted to make sure all was well.

She barely waited a moment before answering. “No,” the crack in her voice was evident. “My great aunt passed and she was a horrible person, but the funeral directors were asking me which address to send the urn to and my sister stepped in making sure I didn't put mine down because I’m ‘most likely to lose aunt Pearl’s ashes’ and the rest of my family overheard and started running with the joke. With me being me I wanted to prove them wrong so I did give them my address and I still don't have the urn but they're saying it was delivered and oh my, God, I’m dumping all of this on you.” Her eyes were welled up with tears, and with how wide her eyes became he was surprised the tears hadn't started to fall. “I’m just going to… let you go on with your day. I’m so sorry, Spencer, maybe we can talk to–” she started to close the door, blocking her face that held a worrisome look.

“I have it!” It’s as if he suddenly remembered why he went over there in the first place “I’m uh, I'm assuming I have it…?”

“You do?” Her door was now wide open again, and a spark of hope was shown in her eyes.

“Yeah, that's why I came over here. I just got back from work and wanted to let you know before I grabbed it. They put it with my stuff and I didn't check it until a couple of days ago and then I had a case and–”

“Spencer?” She cut off his worried rambling.

“Yes?”

“Could you grab it please?”

“Oh! Yeah!” He was like a baby giraffe walking for the first time. His legs were not keeping up with his body as he quickly walked over to his place, unlocked his door, and made way for the box over in the corner by his bookcase. “Again, I’m sorry. I’ve been at work more than not recently and I should've brought it over as soon as I knew it was yours but–”

“Oh, I could kiss you right now!” She grabbed the box so fast it could be considered snatching, but Spencer didn't mind.

“Maybe after I take you on a date?” What the hell was that? She was excited, he was flustered, and for him, word vomit was real. “I’m sorry, I have no idea why I–”

“Spencer…” She stopped his worried ramble once again, and Spencer assumed he died and went to Heaven because there was no way the next words out of her mouth were real. “Ask me tomorrow, when I’m not all flustered. I’ll definitely say yes.”

Yeah, he definitely died and went to Heaven, because the next day, he saw her walking back from the grocery store, walked up to her, stuttered through asking her out for real, and she said yes. Just as promised.

[lsargeantsgirl]

Style

pairing: logan sargeant x russell!reader; george russell x sister!reader

word count: 606

summary: your annoying brother, george, lies to your mom so you sneak out to your secret boyfriend who is also george's best friend, logan.

based on 'style' by taylor swift

---

midnight

"why do you always take his side?" you yelled at your mom as she defended your brother.

"he said that you broke the urn."

"he lied. open your eyes and see that i didn't break it!"

your brother had told your mom that you had broken the urn that held the ashes of your great-great-grandma. he was the one who had broken it when his friends from school were over.

"y/n, don't you dare speak to me like that. you're grounded, give me your keys. go to your room."

you turned around a grabbed your keys and threw them at your brother.

"you happy? all you wanted was my car so you just had to get me in trouble. you should be proud of yourself," after saying that you ran up to your room.

you come and pick me up, no headlights

you pulled out your phone and texted your secret boyfriend, logan. yes, he was your brother's best friend but neither of you cared.

texts (are in bold)

you- logie, can you come pick me up?

logan- yeah, like usual?

you- yeah, txt when u get here.

texts end

you fell back onto your bed as tears started falling from your eyes. flipping, a sob racked your frame. your brother, even though he was the favorite, had always tried to take the thing that you liked or always used. once he spun up a story that you had 'hit' him and he got your sweet sixteen party cancelled. explaining that to your friends was so humiliating.

logan- i'm here

you got off your bed, silently opened your window, grabbed the rope you kept on the tree. the rope was fastened to a sturdy part of the tree. you secured your grip on the rope and stepped off the edge as you brought your feet up. the rope would swing you as a pendulum until it stopped. you dropped to the ground.

you snuck through the gate to the backyard and around the neighbors car. logan, as predicted, was parked behind your neighbor's car that was at the curb.

"hey, babe, are you okay?" logan asked once he could see the tear trails down your face.

long drive

"i'm okay, just drive please," you said as you sniffled.

he pulled out from the curb and took you to the place that brought you the most peace. it was a secluded area on the river nene. he leads you to the bench overlooking the river.

"no matter what, i love you," he whispered as he tucked you under his arm.

"i love you too logiebear,"

"now tell me what made you cry."

"you know," you started, "george being mom and dad's favorite."

"what did he do?"

"broke mom's urn that had her great grandma in it"

"wow, that fucker, and he blamed that on you?"

"yeah"

logan turned to face you. he moved you to be as close as you could to him.

"no matter what he does, what he says, i will love you for the rest of my life. i want to grow old with you, have children with you," he wiped the tears, you smiled. "i only want you in this world."

he reaches into his pocket to pull out a small box. "i know we're not ready but this is like a promise ring but a necklace."

"baby," you breathed.

"i promise to marry you one day, as long as you let me," he said as he put it around your neck.

"logan, i want to marry you too," you whispered.

"good." he says as he, gently but passionately, kisses you.

[konigsblog]

your spot (johnny mactavish x gn!reader)

mwiii spoilers below. angst warning.

you sat on the hard rock, looking at the blinding sun as it began to set in the far distance. the light yellows and deepening oranges fading, the sunset he created tonight. you could hear the sounds of the cold water swishing and splashing due to the faint wind, along with the chirping on the birds in the trees. the leaves rustling when they flew away.

everything felt so quiet without him. without the constant chatter and his obnoxious jokes, ones that were stupid yet always made you giggle, even if it was just a little. johnny loved that. he loved to make you laugh, to see you smile.

you held the urn in your hands, biting the inside of your cheek and wiping your tears with the back of your hand. holding your boyfriend in your hands just one last time. you couldn't comprehend that this was forever, eternal without him until you joined him too. you sighed out, tears already flowing down your cheeks, staining into your skin.

his ashes laying on the rock, slowly sliding down the mountain and into the highland's sea. you sobbed out, holding the urn close to your chest, chin rested on the lid as you weeped out painfully. your bones and heart aching.

the following days were torture.

november 5th, the day he was supposed to come home from deployment. you had ingredients in the fridge and cupboard, expecting to make his favourite and share it with him. but you couldn't bring yourself too, not when all you could do was stare at the old photos of you two together. his lips on your cheek, the texture of his stubble against your fingers when you ran your fingertips across it.

it all felt too fast, like you were forgetting everything already. you missed the way his large body warmed the sheets, now left cold, his side of the bed empty. his cologne laid half empty, only spraying it occasionally so you could smell him, to be reminded of him. you eventually stopped doing that, as it only brought you to tears.

his toothbrush laid in the same place as it usually did, along with his razor. his shirt on your body, holding it against your face to smell him, his minty, comforting aroma. your eyes watered, grew raw when you thought about him. thought about all the ‘what if’'s

what if you were there? what if he didn't go?

that comforting, rough scottish accent in your ear when you played the voice notes back to yourself. you wish you could listen to him ramble again, about whatever. you usually brushed it off when he spoke about the dumb things his friend gaz had down before, yet you wish you'd never, so you could've spent just a few more minutes with him and his voice in your ear.

you missed the way his hard chest pressed against yours when you hugged him. how he held you in his burly arms, holding you tightly while you ran your fingers along his face as he slept. the shallow breathing and the loud snores. giggling when he mumbled out, ‘i love you’ and held you tighter through sleep.

your heart broke when you found it, laying in a red box.

the ring he was planning to propose to you with.

[mynameismckenziemae]

In Case You Didn’t Know

Part 9

(previous part here, next part here)

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x OFC

Summary: Jake has a surprise for you on the last day in California.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, p in v, pussy slapping, light dom/sub, etc.

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

The next 2 days are spent tying up loose ends and spending time with the squad who’d welcomed you with open arms.

It was your final full day in California and you’d spent the afternoon at the beach with Bradley, Natasha, and Bob, with the others planning on heading over in a bit with food and more drinks.

You notice storm clouds in the distance, so you lean back into Jake’s chest. “I think it’ll miss us, but I think it’s time.”

“Okay, where are you thinking?” Jake asks, reaching for your bag holding the small water-biodegradable flower-shaped urn with some of your mom’s ashes.

“There,” you say, nodding to the empty pier over the water.

“I’ll give you a minute alone first?”

“Perfect,” you smile, pressing a kiss to his lips before you rise.

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

Tears are rolling down your face as you stand at the edge of the pier, reading the letter you wrote the day before.

Hey Mom,

I’m here in California. I can see why you had it in mind when you were pregnant with me; it’s beautiful. I’m so glad you broke down where you did though.

I still can’t imagine how scared you must’ve been when you found out about me. You were so brave and always so strong. I’m in love with Jake (which you and everyone else apparently knew). I wish you were here to see how happy he makes me. I’m sorry we didn’t figure it out until after you were gone. I miss you.

“You okay?” Jake murmurs as he wraps his arms around you from behind.

“I am,” you sigh. “Just miss her.”

“Me too.”

He holds as you take a deep breath and drop the flower over the calm water, a stark contrast to the storm still in the distance. You both watch it for a few minutes before he releases you and takes a step back.

“Turn around, Charlie.”

The tears don’t stop and your heart begins to pound as you face him.

He’s down on one knee, holding a beautiful diamond ring.

“Yes!” You cry, wrapping your arms around his neck with a happy sob before he even has the chance to ask.

“I had a whole speech planned but I can’t remember any of it,” he chuckles as he places the ring on your finger, barely audible over the cheers and whistles from the squad.

“It doesn’t matter, my answer would still be yes. I love you, Jake. Always have, always will.”

“Charlie, look,” he whispers, nodding over your shoulder.

You smile through your tears as you see a stunning, vibrant rainbow over the water.

Love you too, Mom

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

“I promise I’d call my mama if she said yes. We’ll be back in a few,” Jake calls to the group as he pulls you towards his truck.

“If I said yes? Did you really think I’d say no?” You laugh.

He just smiles as he opens the back door of the cab and lifts you inside. He parked in the shade and left the windows cracked so the truck isn’t stifling as you get inside.

“Oh gosh, she’s gonna be so-“ you start to say but he cuts you off with a kiss.

“We’ll call her after, I need you first,” he murmurs against your lips, fumbling with the button to your shorts.

“You want to…here?” You ask as he dips his fingers into your bikini bottoms. “Yeah, okay…here’s good,” you agree when he finds your clit.

“So wet for me already,” he groans as he nudges your swim top with his nose to suck your nipple into his mouth.

“Have you seen yourself without a shirt? Been like this all day,” you pant, hands untying his shorts.

“And you didn’t tell me? Naughty, naughty girl.”

You shudder at his words. A moan is ripped from your throat when he bites down on your nipple the same time his fingers stop their circling to place a light slap to your clit.

“I…I mean, you make-fuck!” You stutter, crying out when he slaps your clit again. “Now Jake, I need you now.”

“Yes ma’am,” he growls against your breast before he lays you on the bench seat. You push your shorts off while he does the same to his before he climbs over you.

He runs the head of his cock through your slit, gathering your arousal before he pushes in with a satisfied groan.

Your legs wrap around his waist and your nails dig into his shoulders as he fucks you into the seat, pulling gasps from you with each thrust.

“Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you as my wife,” he grunts, reaching down between your bodies. “I’m gonna make you a mama…we’re gonna try out every kinky idea in that dirty mind of yours…” He slaps your clit, inhaling sharply as you clench around him. “We’ll definitely be exploring that more too. You like that?”

You whimper as you nod, on the knife’s edge of your orgasm.

“Or is it when I call you a naughty girl?” He pants, resting his head on your shoulder as his hips continue to pump into yours.

“Answer me,” he growls, biting your shoulder. He slaps your clit once more when you hesitate and that’s all it takes to push you over the edge with a muffled cry.

Unable to hold back from the sting of your nails in his back and the rhythmic tightening of your pussy, he cums too with a deep groan of his own.

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

“I think there are some napkins in here,” Jake says, rifling through the center console a few minutes later after you’ve both caught your breath.

You whimper as he cleans between your legs, clit still puffy and sensitive. “Later, sweetheart,” he promises.

He fixes your hair when you sit up and you look each other over before heading back to the group near the water, roasting hotdogs over the fire.

“What’d your ma say? She pretty excited?” Bradley asks his eyes on the fire.

He looks up when neither of you replies, and laughs when he sees your ruffled appearance and the way you’re looking at each other with wide eyes.

“You guys were totally fucking!”

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

Thankfully your embarrassment is short-lived when Natasha brings up the times she’s caught nearly all of the other guys in the act.

The rest of the night is full of laughter and reminiscing. Your eyes fill with tears as he says his goodbyes. You know he’ll see them again but you can’t help but feel guilty that he’ll be leaving some good friends.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asks, putting his arm around your shoulder on the walk back to his truck when he hears you sniff.

“I feel bad that you’re leaving some of your best friends for me.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll still see ‘em. We’ll visit, they’ll visit. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them ended up transferring to Kingsville too. I’m not leaving California just for you either. Sure, you’re the big reason; I want to start a family and be closer to ours. But I’m also done with the deployments, the combat, the ejections, and nearly dying. I’m ready to teach the next gen.”

“Okay. Just don’t resent me, okay?”

“Never.”

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

“So when do you want to tie the knot?” You ask much later when your appetites for each other are finally sated with your head on his bare chest.

“As soon as possible. You can order a dress online, I’ll wear my dress blues or a tux and we can get married at church and have the reception in Ma and Dad’s yard by the garden,” Jake jokes, fingers playing in your hair.

“That actually sounds perfect,” you smile.

“Really?”

“I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, Jake. I’d be happy to stop at the courthouse tomorrow but I can’t imagine Ruth would forgive us if she’s not present. How mad was she when you told her about the proposal?”

“The only reason she didn’t drag me to the woodshed was because I told her about your plan to spread Lisa’s ashes. I hope you didn’t find that morbid, I just wanted you to feel like she was a part of it too.”

“Not at all, Jake. It was perfect.”

•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•.•*•

A/N: it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me (I want Jake to call me naughty and spank/slap/choke/humiliate me). Fuck.

As always, any interaction is appreciated but I love hearing what you think in comments/reblogs.

Tagging:

@mamachasesmayhem

@its-the-pilot

@dizzybee03

@sweetwhispersofchaos

@shanimallina87

@blindedbythelightt

@getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth

@lexixstewart

@phoenix-rising-starbird-one

@mrsrobertfloyd5

@charmedkim

@k-k0129

@bellaireland1981

@hookslove1592

@amiets2

@nero4te

@eli2447

@atarmychick007

@vixenobrian

@86laura11

@hisredheadedgoddess28

@dempy

@angelbabyyy99

@buckysteveloki-me

@djs8891

@mizzzpink

@daggerspare-standingby

@mrsevans90

[gazs-blue-hat]

What REALLY happened at the end of MWIII

SPOILERS AHEAD! PLEASE PLEASE DNI IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS

This is based off of convos I've had with @sofasoap about what really happened at the end of the game

(The gif is us BTW)

The smack against Johnny's temple shook him quite a bit. Having a pistol go off right next to your ear isn't something very comfortable either. So while Price and Gaz disarmed the bomb, he lay on the ground his eyes unfocused and dazed. There was blood in his eyes, streaming from the cut on his head. Headwounds always bleed a lot anyway, and his shoulder wound was only adding to the crimson on the ground. After the bomb was taken care of and his ears had stopped ringing, he was able to hear the last bit of Price's sentence. "-KIA." "The fuck? I'm not dead!" He went to grab his radio but his arm burst into pain. Oh...that's right. His arm got shot. At least he would be symmetrical now. One shot from Las Almas, one shot from here. Great. "Stay down Johnny...don't mess this up..." Simon mumbled as he patted his vest and disconnected his radio. "Mess what up?" He started to say before Simon put a gloved hand over his mouth. Johnny rolled his eyes and decided that taking a nap would be good right about now. "Yeah...make it believable. Ghost, put some more blood on the other side of his head.." Gaz was getting involved now, a grin on his face. ----------- "You can't be serious.." Johnny was sitting in medical, his arm and temple being stitched up as he pouted. "Deathly." Price said while filling out the correct paperwork. His own death certificate.

Gaz snorted in the corner as he started filling up an urn with the ashes of some other poor soldier who didn't make it. "Makarov thinks you're dead. That's a win for us. We get a new guy and you work in the shadows." Price looked up at Ghost who patted Johnny's un-wounded shoulder. "Like in Las Almas." Simon said softly. Johnny was starting to understand now. The long game...that made sense. "Alright. I get it. But the urn? Seriously Gaz?" "Gotta make it look legit. Now...where do you want your ashes spread?" Kyle was smirking and Johnny rolled his eyes. "I don't fuckin' know. How about the highlands? Over the ocean? Sounds kinda interesting." Simon snorted next to him. "Basic bitch.." He grumbled while standing to grab a backpack to carry the urn in. --------

There they went, the ashes floating over the ocean.

"Well...looks like I need a new callsign." Johnny said while shrugging his shoulders and putting his hands in his pockets. he smiled and nudged Simon with his elbow. "Hey, you're not the only dead man on the team anymore! perhaps I should be Ghost now." Simon rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Nah, needs to start with S, so we don't get you confused. How about Sprit. With that haircut of yours, you look like that fuckin' animated horse." They all looked at Simon. "You watch cartoons mate?" Gaz asked while raising his eyebrow. "Sue me, the music was good." Was the sharp reply. There was silence for a moment before Gaz spoke up again. "When I pretend to die, I wanna be called Spectre or something. Something epic and scary. nothing like your basic ones." "How about none of you pretend to die anymore okay? Jesus, you're all twisted." Price sighed while putting his hat back on his head. "Oh! We need to give you a new name sir! When you inevitably need to fake your death too," Soap said while they began to walk away from the cliff. "That's not-" "Phantom." Simon. "Nah, too basic. Cash Money is better. Because his name is Price." Gaz. "Peepaw." Everybody froze and looked at Soap. "Peepaw?" Price repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Johnny, I'm only thirty eight." Soap shrugged his shoulders and raised his hands in mock surrender. "That's ancient by our standards sir. One foot in the grave already. Ghost has been planning your wake for months now and I just know your knees ache in the-" Ghost whacked him. His own knees had started to creak and crack when he rose from bed every morning. "Watch your fuckin' mouth Mactavish." "Aye L.T"

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Steve takes Bucky’s ashes after Infinity War and mixes it with soil from Wakanda and soil from Brooklyn. He puts it in the prettiest urn he can find, one he’s sure his baby would adore, and puts it on Bucky’s side of the bed. He looks at it when he’s having trouble going to bed, thinking about how Bucky would hold him tight and kiss his cheek, whispering little “I love you, Stevie.”s in his ear. He places a fresh boquet next to it every week, along with Bucky’s and wedding ring.

When the panic attacks come, he usually crashes next to it, and Steve can practically feel how Bucky would wrap his arms around him, guiding him through deep breaths, and some days he swears up and down that he can feel. Bucky’s forehead kisses and the way he gently calms him down.

But at the end of the day, Steve aches at the empty space on the couch, the lack of smells in the kitchen, and the absence of his best guy’s laugh. He sits in Central Park and tries so hard to cry as quiet as possible.

Me, upon reading this with my own two eyes:

Jesus Christ

I will fucking sob.

Okay, okay, my first thought when I was no longer so vitally fucking shattered by this misery, lmao, was that what if... Steve certainly has an urn for Bucky as soon as possible, right? Steve can't bear to have him in anything that isn't beautiful and meaningful for the love of his life--his lives, plural, with how much life they've lived and how much of them they've lived together. However, I could see some of the therapy that Steve does over those five years after the blip being art therapy.

Much like when he was first thawed from the ice, he finds it hard to create--his muse is gone--but there's a loophole to his art block. And the loophole is having a goal, a thing to create in particular. Something for his love.

An urn.

I just have this image inherently in my head of Steve working his ass off, just to have something to do--keeping himself busy to keep him tied to Earth. So, he tirelessly slaves away at developing his skills with pottery. All in all, for the purpose of making Bucky's final resting place with his own two hands so he can, in a way, hold him forever.

Is there anything more permanent than fired clay, after all? In thousands, thousands of years, when whoever is left digs up their apartment, they'll find the fragments of Bucky's urn mixed with the soil, mixed with Bucky, and still held tenderly by Steve's creation for him.

For him.

To have and to hold him.

I, just, yeah. Steve making Bucky's urn himself. Oof.

"When the panic attacks come, he usually crashes next to it, and Steve can practically feel how Bucky would wrap his arms around him, guiding him through deep breaths, and some days he swears up and down that he can feel. Bucky’s forehead kisses and the way he gently calms him down."

Fucking CHRIST.

That is brutal.

"He sits in Central Park and tries so hard to cry as quiet as possible."

Can you imagine being a bystander to that? Because that's all I'm picturing. Just as a regular civilian, trying to move through your own grief, wandering in Central Park, and coming across Captain America as he sobs so hard his big, broad shoulders shake and he chokes, half-hidden by one of the older trees. You don't know if it's more painful to go up and say something, admitting you've witnessed him in this way, or to walk away and leave him to grieve alone.

Do you think there's a sweet little carving in that tree? Somewhere high in the branches where it's hard to find? Bucky + Steve, or more simply, faster and harder to catch, B + S, surrounded by a love heart? There, carved into the tree when it was young--when they were young.

Oh my fucking god.

Thank you for this! It's so terrible for my emotions. I love it.

[meownotgood]

When Aki dies, you find traces of him in your apartment. 

A single dark hair on your pillowcase. A brown ring that's been stained into the white wood of your nightstand from where he set his coffee cup. His book that will forever go half-read, a bright red bookmark sticking out of the center of the pages.

The sheets smell just like him, in a way that makes your heart ache and your stomach churn; they smell like his cigarettes, his laundry soap, the scent of his skin. Your home feels empty without him. Your mattress has a permanent divot from where his body once occupied the space right next to yours. You're starting to forget the sound of his voice, but you can't bring yourself to listen to the last voicemail he left for you.

His toothbrush is in the mug on the counter, it's right next to your own. You'd throw his away, but yours would look lonely without it. You taped a ticket stub from your first date onto the bathroom mirror. He left the iron out from the last time he ironed his suit; it was the last time he wore it, and it was the last time you saw him. If you take a shower, you're sure when you step out you'll be able to see the remnants of a heart he drew for you on the fogged up glass, right before he left for work. You'd have wanted him to write more if you knew he wouldn't be coming back.

There's notes he's left for you on the fridge, hung up with little magnets: reminders of his upcoming work schedule, a recipe he wanted to make for you, I love you, sweetheart arranged in black and white word magnets. For a few brief moments, you ponder whether or not you should throw out you and Aki's leftovers from dinner a few days before. 

Maybe you should toss his old ashtray, too. Or the letters he wrote to you, or the gifts he gave you. Or his spare house key, or his favorite CD, or his hair tie, or his lighter. Or the old Polaroids you took of him and yourself — including the one he always carried with him. In the picture, you're kissing his cheek, and he's giving the only genuine smile you've ever been able to capture. The police went through his wallet and figured you'd want it. 

You suppose you should at least cancel the newspaper subscription. It was his routine to read it. Besides, you'd rather not see Aki Hayakawa among the obituaries, you have no interest in reading the headline about the horrific Gun Devil attack. You could go without newspapers for the rest of your life. You never really liked reading them, anyways.

When you've finally gathered the energy, you'll head to the funeral home to pick up his ashes. You'll travel to Hokkaido, you'll leave them in a shiny urn right beside his family's tombstone, just as he always wanted. Just as you promised you would do for him when it was his time. You promised him a lot of things. You promised you would keep living, for his sake. You promised you'd love him even after he's gone.

Perhaps then, after you've turned around and left him there, after you've said your goodbyes and returned to step inside a cold, empty home, you'll finally have the courage to throw out his belongings.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: right in the palm of your hand

Author: LoversAntiquities

Artist: JenniferB

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Dean/Others (mentioned)

Length: 39000

Warnings: Suicidal ideation, descriptions of torture

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Parenthood, Trauma Recovery, Future Fic, Post-Season 12 Finale

Posting Date: October 30, 2023

Summary: Five years after Castiel's death, Dean has built a life in Murphy, North Carolina. A decent life, with a house he built with his own hands, and Jack, now five years old and beginning kindergarten in the fall. Only, after a string of failed relationships and sleepless nights staring at the urn on his windowsill, he makes an unwilling decision--to bury Castiel for good. Only, the night he and Jack bury Castiel's ashes, the unthinkable happens--Castiel rises from the dead, wounded from his time in the Empty, and with his resurrection comes questions Dean never thought he would need answered. Namely, how long will Castiel stay with him--and will the Empty come back for him, once and for all?

Excerpt: On the other end, the phone rings three times—then a fourth, and Dean’s heart sinks. A fifth, and the dial tone ends halfway, the noise replaced with a tired sigh. “Isn’t it a little late for you to be calling?” Dean snorts and tilts his head back, eyes closed. “Jack had a hard day. Swear, the kid’s brain never shuts off.” Mary hums a noise. A metal chair scrapes the concrete floor on the other end, grating in Dean’s ears. Kitchen, then. “When you were three, you used to go on these tangents,” she says, mirthful yet somehow sad. “I couldn't understand what you were saying most of the time, but on the days you talked the most, it took forever to put you to bed.” “I probably gave you hell,” Dean says. He rubs the bridge of his nose, the pressure only furthering the ache behind his eyes. “I’m turning into John.” For a long moment, Mary doesn’t reply. Dean listens to her walk, her socked feet padding lightly through the Bunker; a door opens, then clicks shut. “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” she says, quiet. “What happened?” Nothing, he thinks. In the grand scheme of things, today’s incident was barely a drop in the bucket of Dean’s bad parenting skills, but it still stings all the same. “I’m—The kid scares me to death,” he says with a pained laugh. “I thought I was getting better at this. I thought, if I did everything the opposite of what dad did to me, then I’d finally redeem myself, but I…” A breath. “He scared me today, and I—I scared him.” “Dean.” Her bed frame creaks. Dean imagines her sitting on the edge of her mattress, dressed in a cotton robe with her hair pulled back, her eyes just as tired as the day he left. “I wish you would’ve let us help.” “I know.” Admittedly, he should have let Mary and Sam take on co-parenting duties, but Jack was Castiel’s son, and for some reason, letting anyone else take responsibility of him felt like betrayal. “I’m not gonna throw a kid in your lap again, especially after you just…” After you came back, he wants to say. “Know it ain’t been easy on you, either.” “It hasn’t,” Mary says, “but it’s getting better.” There’s that, at least.

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[her-power]

The End of All Things (Part Three: e.m. x fem reader)

TRIGGER WARNING & C/W: 18++++ MDNI! Again, Mama is serious! Sweet! Semi-dom! Eddie, hurt/comfort, grief, talk of grief, lots of fluff, smuuuuuut, unprotected p in v, fingering (f receiving) butt play (m + f receiving), oral (f + m receiving), mild choking, trauma, handling of deceased persons remains, talk of death.

Part One: Denial Part Two: Anger

Summary: Road trips, sex, love, and tears. Part One has the main plot summary of this story.

Word Count: 15k

A/N: I will be writing Parts 4 & 5 back to back so you will have a double feature. This holiday season has already been crazy so I'll leave you with this. I hope you enjoy it, again thank you for the constant support! Writing has been one of my loves for twenty years and the fact that I get to share my work with you makes my heart soar. I love you guys, Happy Holidays and be safe. Also, if you are actively grieving like me during this holiday season (going on year 17 for me) just remember that it's okay to feel all the things, and okay not to feel the things. It can be a happy, sad, weird, frustrating, funny, awkward, normal day. Just know I see you.

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The rain pitter patters against your windowsill, the lightning flashes and thunder rumbles in the distance. It had woken you up before your nightmares could; Eddie had his arm wrapped protectively around your waist. The two of you had fallen asleep talking, still in your clothes from the day before. You carefully move his arm, gently placing the covers over his form and crawl off the bed. You almost trip over your opened suitcase and curse under your breath, steadying yourself by the wall. The two of you were leaving for your road trip to Boston in two days; it had been a week since the funeral and your mother’s ashes were finally in your home. The funeral home had made small urns for your father and Jimmy, the designs of the vines and flowers were beautiful, and Jimmy had cried when you gave it to him. 

You had a sterling silver Celtic knot ring made for yourself with her ashes in it, and had one made for Eddie with a skull ring. You planned on surprising him with it on the trip. The box of your mother’s remains looked like it should hold tea bags, it was hard cardboard, with a small lock fastened in the middle.

Pouring yourself a glass of water from the kitchen, you realize you still had so much to do. You had to map out where you were going, what roads to take, what not to take. You had to make sure you kept your father’s credit card safe when checking into the hotel. You told him you were fine with staying at a motel because it was the cheapest, but he wouldn’t have it and wanted you two to either stay at the Lenox Hotel or the Beacon. 

You didn’t argue any further, you knew that your father wanted this trip to be somewhat memorable. He still wasn’t thrilled about you sharing a hotel room with Eddie alone, but you assured him you would get double beds and that seemed to ease his panic. However, you weren’t going to be doing that. The trip itself would take fourteen hours there and back; you planned on stopping halfway in Pennsylvania to rest. You would have to get a motel at that point, but you left that information out for the sake of your father’s panic. Maybe a bed and breakfast if you were lucky. 

You rinse the glass out and rest it on the drying rack, you turn and yelp as thunder booms above your head, and lightning flashes. Eddie was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, in the dark. You flick the light on, and he squints. 

“Fuck, Eddie! You scared the shit out of me!” You hold your hand to your heart, letting out a laugh.

He chuckles tiredly. “I’m sorry, I thought I made noise.” He comes toward you, gently kissing your cheek. “What are you doing up?” 

“The storm.” You say and watch as he pours himself some water into the glass you used. He sips it and then chugs it down. “It’s loud.” 

He turns to you, raising his eyebrow. “You sure it was the storm?” He stretches his arms above his head, his shirt raising, exposing his tummy.

You sigh, giving him an eye roll and smile. “Yes, I had a nightmare, but it didn’t wake me up.” 

“Wake me up next time.” He tells you, taking you by the waist and kissing your lips gently.

“You’re just as tired as I am, I wanted to let you sleep.” You tell him, playing with the hem of his shirt. 

“Sweetheart, don’t worry about me.” He tells you gently. “I’m a vampire at heart, you know that.” 

You roll your eyes, and he laughs, pressing his lips to yours again. He deepens the kiss, gripping your waist, and you pull away with a soft moan. 

“Don’t do that.” You tell him breathlessly. 

He smirks. “Don’t do what?” He gently kisses your neck, and you pull away again.

“My dad’s room is right upstairs. You’re not exactly quiet.” Your father had mentioned earlier in the night he was taking a sleeping pill, but you still wanted to be respectful and didn’t want him dying of a stroke because of the “Munson boy”. 

He laughs. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Let’s go back to bed.” 

You flick the kitchen light off and squeal when he smacks your ass, tickling your sides and you suppress your laughter. “Eddie, stop!” You half whisper. He picks you up by the waist and awkwardly carries you to the bedroom. You laugh, squealing with delight as he brings you into your room. 

“You’re such an asshole!” You yell at him when he puts you down onto your bed, a big grin plastered on his face, and he shuts the door. The light from your nightstand was soft, gave the room a candlelit feel.

He puts his ring clad finger to his lips, “Shhh, don’t want to wake your dad.” A familiar look passes his gaze, and you stare at him, shaking your head from side to side. You try to suppress your laughter as he crawls on the bed, and hovers above you, he starts tickling your ribs. You laugh loudly and he covers your mouth, giggling. 

“Shhhh.” He tells you, bringing his lips to your neck. 

“Eddie…” Your voice is muffled against his hand. He brings his finger to his lips again and smirks, trailing his finger down the center of your chest, down to your navel, and gently caresses the soft skin above your hip. You let out a soft moan and he grins at you. 

“Let’s see how quiet you can be.” He says, scooting himself down towards your waist, gazing up at you with those big brown eyes. You angle your hips at his words, and he releases his hand from your mouth. 

“Don’t you dare.” You tell him breathlessly. 

He smirks at you, leaning down, kissing the skin around your belly button softly. You close your eyes and sigh, his grazes his teeth along your underwear line and you arch your hips. He leans up on his heels, pulling down your underwear, lifting your leg to his shoulder to take them all the way off. You smile at him, shaking your head at his ballsy attitude. 

He leans over you and presses his lips to yours; his tongue begs for entrance, and you open your mouth. He smiles against your lips, pulling away, gently caressing your cheek, your lips. His two fingers go into your mouth, and you suck gently, he stares at you as your tongue swirls around his and he groans softly, your cunt aches at that very sound. He pulls them away, kissing you again before leaning back on his heels. He stares at your face, his eyes dilating as you bite your lip. His runs his finger over your clit delicately, and a gasp escapes you. He smiles big, you put your hand over your mouth, and he groans at how wet you were. He slides two fingers into you, and you arch your back, a muffled moan escaping you. He gently moves them in and out, curling them inside you, hitting that spongey spot. Your hand falls away from your face and you grip the bed beneath you, attempting to keep your mouth closed, breathing through your nose as the pleasure coursed through your veins. He thumbs your clit, pressing down lightly and you grip at his other forearm. 

Attempting to be quiet was impossible, and you didn’t think you had it in you to suppress the moan that was building in your chest. He crawls up your form, his fingers still deep inside you. 

“Eddie…” You whisper breathlessly. 

He kisses your lips, pushing his fingers deeper and you moan against his mouth. He smiles against your lips, pulls his fingers slowly out of you and slams them in you harder. A moan escapes you and you bite your lip hard. His other hand goes over your mouth, and you whimper against his palm. He watches his fingers go in and out of you, pushing himself against you and you can feel his cock through his jeans. He tightens his hold on your mouth as another moan rips through you. He thumbs at your clit, pushing down on the little bundle of nerves and your back arches. The pressure in your belly was building, and he could feel you clench around his fingers, making him go faster. You grip at his shirt, squirming underneath him, whimpering and moaning against his palm. The sounds of the wetness coming from your cunt as he slammed his fingers in and out of you echo in your bedroom. He breathes heavy, watching you arch your hips as a gasp escapes your lungs. Your whole body shook, the tingles started from your head to your toes as your pussy clenches around his fingers and you cum. It was so hard for you not to scream but you held it in, your body the only thing physically reacting to the pleasure. He continues finger fucking you as you cum and swallows back a moan. Your feel your nipples perk up through your shirt as another wave of the orgasm flows through you and he pulls his fingers gently out of you, your body twitches and you inhale deeply as he removes his hand from your mouth. 

You look up at him and narrowing your eyes. He looks almost scared, and you give him a cunning smile. You grip the back of his head, your fingers tangle in his hair and you press your mouth to his. You push your tongue into his mouth, and he groans softly when you pull away biting his lip. You flip him on his back, kissing him again and his calloused fingers grip your ass, you grind against him. You sit up straddling him and pull your shirt over your head and his hand reaches up, cupping both your breasts, squeezing and pinching your nipples. His face was flushed, and his eyes wide. You bend yourself towards his mouth, teasing him with your lips. 

“Now it’s your turn to be quiet.” 

He swallows hard, and smirks at you. 

“I’m up for the challenge.” 

“I don’t think you are.” You tell him, kissing him once more, scooting backwards, pulling his jeans down with you. He arches his hips to help you, and you throw them to the floor. His cock springs up and you take him in your hands and stroke him gently.  He leans up on his elbows watching you as you kiss his hip bone, running your tongue along his pelvis. He grabs a fistful of your hair, moving it away from your face and he stares at you as your tongue runs over his cock. You feel him twitch; his head falls back, and a soft sigh escapes his lips. You take him all in until you feel him in the back of your throat, cupping his balls and squeezing. A groan escapes him, and you gaze up at him, he’s panting and smiling at you. His eyes half lidded, tugging at your hair. You push him down by his thighs and his head falls back against the pillow, suppressing a moan. You run your tongue from the base of his balls all the way up his shaft and to the tip. You suck hard, licking and sucking your way back to his balls. He trembles beneath you, and a curious thought overcomes you. 

You kiss his taint, gently running your tongue along the sensitive area and he whips his head up to look at you. You open your mouth wider, moving your tongue lower until it’s touching the entrance of his hole, he was so clean. 

“Ohhh?” He whispers and you flick your tongue out, his head falls back. “Ohh…okay…not fair…unnnghh fuh-fuck…”

You lick from his asshole up to his balls, and lick your finger, sucking on it. You meet his eyes, and you can see the pre cum spilling out of his cock as you run your finger over the opening of his hole. He shudders, a groan escaping, and he moans your name as you push your finger gently inside him. He was obviously so tight, and your cunt clenched at this sense of control you had over him with this split-second decision. 

The sudden pressure, the little pain he felt as you moved your digit in and out of him, was so new, he didn’t know how to handle it, so he moans, loud. He slaps his hand over his mouth and fists the blanket beneath him, arching his back as he feels your finger hit his prostate. You take him in your mouth again, sucking hard and drooling all over him as you continued to pump your finger in and out. He tries to lean up on his elbows but another wave of pleasure flows out through his belly and his head falls back the pillow with a plop. He pulls your hair hard, helping you bob your head up and down and you moan against his cock, your cunt getting wetter, enjoying every second of what you were doing to him. 

“Fuuuuck, holy shit, holy shit.” He moans out, your finger angles inside him at the right spot and you moan, sucking him harder, slamming your finger into his spot. He holds your hair; a throaty gasp escapes him, and you feel him twitch in your mouth. “Ohhh fuck, baby. Oh my…I’m gonna cum.” 

You pull your mouth off of his cock with a pop. “Cum in my mouth baby, wanna taste you.” 

His eyes roll back in his head as you throat him all the way again, your finger pumping in and out. He puts his hand over his mouth, his back arches. His groans, whimpers and throaty gasps are muffled by his palm as he cums in your mouth. You suck him hard, letting the warm liquid flow down your throat as his back arches and he heavily breathes through his nose. You swallow the rest of him, gently pulling out your finger and lifting your face from his cock. You crawl up on the bed, leaning up on your elbows, caressing his flushed face, leaving sweet kisses on his cheek and jaw. His eyes were closed, and his chest heaved in scattered breaths. 

“You…” He catches his breath. “Why did you…how did you…what the fuck was that?”

You laugh, shrugging and he meets your eyes. “Looks like you’re the loser in this game. You couldn’t stay quiet.” You kiss his lips gently. 

He weakly cups your face, turning on his side, gazing up at you with an awe struck, completely fucked out face, and swallows hard. “I have you all to myself for almost thirty…thirty hours on the road. Three days in a hotel room…you just started a war.”

You smile against his lips. “A war that I’ve already won.”  

“That was pure luck, doll.” He kisses you hungrily, tasting himself, pinching your nipple hard and you moan. “Now you’ve really brought the freak out of me.” 

Your father helps you and Eddie pack up the trunk of the Land Cruiser. He decided last minute that he didn’t think your little escort would be safe enough to drive halfway across the country. The Land Cruiser was fairly new, it had air conditioning, and it was roomy, plus brand-new tires that your mother had gifted him for his birthday. You had wrapped your mother’s box of remains in a scarf, placed it in a container and stuffed it with newspaper, tucking it in a snug corner of the trunk, making sure that it was secure. 

“You call me when you get to the first rest stop, I don’t care what time it is.” He tells you, pulling you in for a hug. Your mother’s wedding ring glistened around the chain on his neck, and that dull ache in your chest returns. You nod and step back from him. He glances at Eddie and claps his shoulder. 

“I’m trusting you, Munson.” 

“Have I ever let you down?” Eddie smirks at him and your father gives him the ‘don’t test me’ face but smiles. Eddie plops in the driver seat, and you blow your father a kiss. He tells you both to be safe, reminding you to call and Eddie sets off down the road. You kick your sandals off, and bring your legs up in a criss cross, resting a book on your lap. Eddie lights up a cigarette and places a tape in the cassette player, the opening of Ride the lighting comes over the speakers and you tap your fingers against your knee to the music. The map laid folded in the back seat, not needing it until you got to I-90, which would take about an hour and a half into the trip. 

When you got bored of your book, you toss it in the backseat and stretch your arms over your head. The interstate would be approaching soon you realize, you must’ve really been invested in your book. You glance over at Eddie, his aviators covered his eyes, his hair danced with the wind. His fingers were thrumming on the steering wheel to the music that played. His Master of Puppets shirt was torn at the collar, exposing parts of his chest and there were some tears at the bottom of his stomach. You run your hand gently over his tattooed arm and he smiles over at you. His eyes catch the large silver Celtic knot ring on your pointer finger, and he slows down at a red light, studying it with his hands. 

“This is beautiful.” He says, lifting his sunglasses to see better. 

“Mom’s in there.” You tell him with a smile. 

“What? Really?” He lifts your hand, smiling sweetly. “How?” 

“Magic.” You tell him, kissing the top of his hand. He smiles at you, entwining your fingers as the light turns to green. 

Signs for I-90 were appearing on the side of the road, and you lift from the seat to grab the map from the back. You open it up, accidentally slapping Eddie in the face with it. “Shit, I’m sorry!” You laugh and he pushes it down to look at you. 

“I don’t think you need to open it up that wide…” You flatten it out and a corner of it smacks him again. “Jesus!” 

You couldn’t stop laughing as you trying to make the directions on the map, tears blurring your vision as you tried to focus. 

“Okay, okay, once we’re on I-90 we’re on the stretch of road for 50 miles until we get to Ohio. Then once we’re in Ohio, we…oh, cool. We end up cutting through a rural area that screams Texas chainsaw and we’re on that part of the I-90 for…250 miles?! We’re only cutting through a tiny part of Pennsylvania and the rest of the way is through upstate New York.” You study the map. “But if we only cut through Pennsylvania, we’ll see the Appalachian Mountains and potentially find a bed and breakfast to sleep.” 

“I like the bed and breakfast idea.” He says with a grin. “How much more time does that add?” 

“I don’t know, another hour or two?” 

“I’m fine with that.” He says with a smile. 

You fold up the map and drop it at your feet, the morning sun was hot, and you were kicking yourself for wearing jeans. The air conditioning wasn’t helping much, and Eddie notices your discomfort. 

You decided to play a game, you were in a war after all. You glance over at him, smirking. You waited until he turned onto I-90, where it was just you two and a stretch of road and a handful of cars. You angle the seat back, snapping the button of your jeans. You angle your hips, pulling them off and you sign at how much cooler you felt. The air conditioner blew nicely on your legs and Eddie glances over at you. 

“Feel better?” He chuckles.

You drape your arm above your head, angling your knee so it rests against the door panel. You wore black lace underwear and when Eddie noticed he had to do a double take. You run your hand along your stomach, delicately caressing the skin as you look out the window. The tips of your fingers dance gently on your inner thighs, and you let out a sigh when you move your palm over the fabric of your underwear, tickling your clit. 

You hear him sigh and look at his face. His eyes were fixed on the road, his hands a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel and you watch his throat bob. You move your hand into your underwear and arch your back, a soft moan escaping you as your fingers dance around your clit. You thought of him fucking you in the shower that day. His hand gently squeezing your throat as he slammed his cock into you. 

Eddie says your name and you smirk. “What?” You take your hand out of your underwear. “Something wrong?” 

He smiles, biting the inside of his cheek. “Nope, keep going if you must.” 

You sit up straighter, angling your seat up. “Nah, gives you something to think about.” 

You lean in the back, your ass inches from his face and he shakes his head, you were teasing him, and it was difficult to not give in, pull the car into the next rest stop and fuck you against the hood. He settles for cupping his hand on your inner thigh, leaning over to bite the skin on your ass. You yelp, pulling a pair of black spandex shorts out of your backpack and laughing. You pull on the shorts, go in the glove box and pull out a rolled joint. Eddie hands you a lighter and you spark it up, inhaling deeply and holding it low because there was traffic up ahead. You cough, passing it to Eddie and he takes it from you. The beginning of Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen came through the speakers, and you squeal, turning it up. You start singing along and Eddie laughs as you dance in your seat. Exaggerating your movements and serenading him as you inhale another hit from the joint, he laughed hard, the smoke comes out of his lungs and he coughs, feeling the ecstasy from the drug coursing through him. You continue your performance, and accidentally knock the joint out of your hand and it falls behind your back, burning you. 

“Ah!” You scream, arching your hips and feel it burn your butt. “Ah! Ow! Fuck! Hahaha!” 

Eddie covers his mouth, his shoulders shaking with uncontrollable laughter as you find the joint and throw it out the window. 

You look at Eddie with wide eyes. “How did that even happen?!” Eddie inches forward in the traffic, holding his stomach wiping the tears from his eyes. 

The traffic let up after a half hour and you are cruising down the open road. The two of you were overwhelmingly stoned. 

“I’m just saying, if we really stop and think about it, it will benefit the entire planet.” You tell him. 

“What are you talking about?” He looks at you with raised eyebrows. 

You laugh. “I have no idea.” 

He pulls onto a rest area that has a McDonald’s, you perk up excitedly, not realizing how hungry you were. The two of you order your food and sit on the bumper with the trunk open. You had called your father from the payphone outside and would let him know when you got to a spot in Pennsylvania to rest. 

“Thought of the day.” You say, dipping your French fry in the vanilla milkshake, and you don’t speak. He glances at you, smiling and sipping his soda. 

“Go on.” He waves his hand in front of him, and you laugh, almost forgetting what you wanted to tell him. 

“What if there’s like…some other dimension. A dimension that is exactly like where we live but, different. Everything is the same but it’s scary. Everything is dark. There are these weird monster things that look like dogs, or bats, and they are being controlled by something that used to be human that wants to destroy the world.” You’re not sure if you took a breath, and you look up at Eddie. 

Eddie stares at you with his mouth agape, mid bite with his burger. “Dude. How high are you?” 

“Fine, how are you?”

A laugh raspberries out of you and you cackle loudly. You keel over holding your stomach while Eddie walks away from you because he was too high, and his own laughing was starting to give him a panic attack. He comes back to the trunk and you’re still laughing, you look up to stare at his face and laugh harder, your body falling into his, your stomach hurting. 

He hugs your waist, and giggles. “We probably should’ve waited before we smoked. We still got a long way to go until we’re in Pennsylvania.” 

You peek at the watch around his wrist, it was 1:30pm. You had been on the road for only four hours. Grabbing the map from the front seat, you open it on the hood and Eddie leans over you to gaze at the map with you. You move your finger, following the trail that led to Pennsylvania. 

“If traffic works with us, we should be there before midnight and hopefully we can find a place to rest and shower.” You look up at him with a smile and he smiles sweetly back at you. Your eyes dart to his lips, his eyes. “We should probably get a few coffees for the road.” 

“As you wish, milady.” He says, nudging you with his shoulder and walks into the mini mart that was next to the McDonald’s. You smile, watching him walk away. You sit back down on bumper, your eyes darting to the spot where your mother’s remains were protectively sitting. You still hadn’t told you father or Eddie what you knew about her health. You were still trying to process it, trying to understand why she would keep that ailment from you, why your father would keep it from you.  There was no way he wouldn’t have known, he was there at the hospital when she died, he knew her medical history. It confused you because you read an article that adults can live a long time with congestive heart failure, why was your mother any different? 

A sharp pain hit your heart and you gasp, closing your eyes tightly. You wondered if you had it too, if your death was written in the stars before you turned fifty. You had a while to go, but anything was possible. You shut the trunk, inhaling through your nose and out your mouth. You thought of Eddie if you died. What would he do? Would you be married at that point? Would you have children? Would he have to do the same thing your father did and break the news to his child in person that their mother was dead? Would there be a way to prevent your death? 

You couldn’t fathom the idea of losing Eddie, but the idea of you dying didn’t hurt as much, it just made you wonder. If you could, you would trade places with your mother. 

Eddie returns with coffees in hand, and you pull yourself together, smiling as he hands you the cup. His eyes scan your face, and he cups your cheek. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” You smile at him. 

“Don’t lie.” His thumb grazes your cheek. 

“It’s nothing.” You tap his cheek. “I promise.” 

He squints his eyes, not believing you. You sigh, laughing and kissing his lips quickly. “I’m fine baby. Come on, I’m driving.” 

You pull away from him and he stands there watching you, he sighs and nods, following you to the car. Being a bit tall yourself, you didn’t have to adjust the seat much as you got in. He knew you were lying, but he didn’t say anything. He knew you long enough to never push you, the more people push, the more you disappear. 

You pull onto the interstate and accelerate speed. Eddie pulls his composition notebook from the back. The pages were frayed, the binding was bent and there were scribbles all over the front. He lights up a cigarette, letting it dangle out of his mouth, getting a ball point pen out of his pocket. He lays the notebook on the dashboard, inhaling on the cigarette with his lips and letting the smoke billow from his nostrils as he writes on the pages. His face is deep in concentration, and you wondered how you got so lucky to have him be yours. After all this time, for so many years you both fought your feelings for each other because of fear. 

You realized you were in love with him back in 1986. When everything had happened, and he was nowhere to be found for days. You and your mother barely slept because you feared the worst. The police had already been at your house twice, knowing besides Wayne that he was close with you and your family. You knew he didn’t commit those murders; his heart was too good and there wasn’t a bad bone in his body. Hawkins was just filled of crazy people who just thought since he listened to metal music and played D&D, he was going to sacrifice your baby to the Devil. 

That night, he had been missing three days at that point. Your mother had gone up to bed, but you knew she didn’t sleep. There was an intense rainstorm outside and it was cold. Your heart pounded, worrying how he was staying warm…if he was even alive. 

It was a witch hunt for the Hellfire Club, and it took everything in your power not to get in your car and drive around the whole state to find him. Jason was still missing too, and people were starting to assume he did the murders, but Eddie was still wanted for questioning and since he was the “town freak”, he was the easier target. 

The good thing about having your bedroom on the first floor was that it was easier for you to sneak in and out of the house. You were on your bed, listening to music on your Walkman, trying to distract yourself from your worry when a strange feeling overwhelms you. You pull your headphones from your ears and glance at the window behind your dresser. You heard a faint tapping. You get up from your bed and squint, trying to see through the darkness. 

A ring clad hand goes on the glass, and you gasp. “Oh my god, Eddie?! Mom!” 

He was soaking wet when you pulled him in the window, shivering and mumbling as you bear hug him. His fingers grip your waist, his head is buried in your shoulder. You hold his face in your hands, making sure he was real. “Where the hell have you been?” 

You help him pull off his vest, and his leather jacket. He was still in his Hellfire shirt which was covered in dirt and grime, and he shakes his head. “Everywhere and no-nowhere.” His eyes were wide and glassy, his teeth were chattering. Your mother rushes into your room, seeing a soaked Eddie. 

“Jesus, sweetheart.” She says, rushing over to hug him and his breath hitches as he hugs her waist. You could see the little boy in his eyes. “You’re freezing. Let me get you some dry clothes.” You watch as your mother disappears, and you hugged him to your chest. 

“You scared me.” I love you. “I thought…I don’t know what I thought.”

He lifts his head, staring at your face and pulling at the hem of your t-shirt. “I’m getting you soaked.” 

“Don’t worry about me.” 

Your mother comes in with a black t- shirt and a pair of sweatpants. You help him peel off his Hellfire shirt and he shakily puts on the clothes your mother gave him. Your mother brings his wet clothes into her den to clean. Eddie sits on your bed, and you sit next to him, he brushes his hair away from his face. 

“You…you believe me, right? I didn’t…I didn’t kill them.” His bottom lip trembles as he stares into your eyes, gripping your hand. “I swear I didn’t. I wouldn’t know what I would do if you didn’t believe me…I didn’t hurt them…” He began to sob, and you take his face in his hands. 

“Eddie, of course I believe you. We believe you. Is that why you’ve been staying away? We thought something happened to you. Don’t disappear like that on me, again. You hear me?” 

He nods and leans his forehead against your shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t even be here.” He lifts his head up, panic in his eyes. “You can get in trouble, and I can’t let that happen, but I-it was so cold, and I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” You tell him sternly. “You’re staying here, where you’re safe. Jason is missing Eddie; they’re starting to think he’s the one who did it.”

He meets your eyes. “What? Really?”

You nod. “Lover’s quarrel or some shit. The only thing they have against you is that Chrissy bought drugs from you right before. Everything else points to Jason.” 

He shakes his head, looking down at his shaking hands. “This so fucked up.”

“I know.” You caress his hair. “But you got us. My mom almost got arrested for you.”

“Why?” He almost laughs. 

“Because a stupid redneck was testing my patience, that's why." Your mother comes in the room, handing you both a cup of hot cocoa. “Hop’s lucky he’s cute AND convincing, otherwise I’d be icing my hand right now. And because you’re a good kid. Who I love dearly, you’re a part of this family now. And where I come from, we protect our own.” 

Eddie stares at your mother, his eyes showing gratitude, fear, and love. He nods, trying to hold back his tears, biting his bottom lip as he slowly sips the cocoa. Your mother leans down and kisses the top of his head. 

“We got you, kiddo.” 

He smiles, nodding again and your mother leaves the room, and you knew that she was going to sleep soundly knowing he was safe. He places the mug on your nightstand and sighs, leaning his elbows on his knees. You stare at his form, everything you wanted to tell hm was stuck in your throat. But instead, you just pull him towards you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and he hugs your waist tightly. 

“I thought something happened to you.” You say into his ear. “You’re my best friend, I can’t imagine my life without your crazy ass.”

He laughs, pulling away from you and smiling. The two of you stare at each other for a moment, you clear your throat and awkwardly get off the bed. “I’m starving, you want something to eat?”

He nods. “Yeah, anything is fine.” 

You turn but he stops you, grabbing your hand. You look down at him and he swallows hard before speaking. “Thank you. Thank you for being my friend.”

“Okay, golden girl.” You both laugh. “You’re welcome.” 

The tips of your fingers graze as you pull away from each other, and you swear you felt a current of electricity course through your belly and into your veins. That was when you knew. When you knew that you were head over heels, ass over tea kettle, fucking insanely in love with Eddie Munson.

You are halfway through Pennsylvania when you start feeling the exhaustion. The stretch of road you were on seemed to go on for miles and miles. There was maybe one streetlight, otherwise it was just empty road, empty fields and the two of you. Eddie had found a spot on the map that looked like it might have been a motel, but when you approached the destination, and saw the debilitated building, that was still open for vacancy, with one car parked out front; the two of you decided you liked your lives and didn’t want to be the next news story broadcasted over the entire nation. 

Young couple brutally murdered in old run-down motel, murderer still at large. 

The overtiredness from the two of you was making you both have fits of giggles for no reason. Everything was making you laugh, even the thought of the two of you being murdered in a field. As you continue your drive, the two of you sigh with relief when there were signs pointing to an Inn up ahead; you were right in the center of the Appalachian Mountains and even though it was pitch black, you could see the very tip of the mountain, looming like a large shadow above your heads. 

The Inn comes into view, and you pull into the nicely paved lot. It was two stories, a red rustic color with Victorian style windows. The two of you step out of the car and stretch, you feel your back pop with every turn of your body, and you let out a groan. It was almost midnight, and you knew as soon as your head hit the pillow you would knock out. The older woman at the front desk was smitten by Eddie and his charm. He had a way with women that was for sure. There was no one else checked in, and the woman was kind enough to give you the room with the turret. It was spacious and had its own bathroom with a shower. The owners had their own separate house behind the Inn and said that they could come down to the kitchen for breakfast anytime between 7am and 11am. You had called your father from the phone in the room, he was happy to hear you were off the road and somewhere safe. 

You were too tired to shower, taking off your shoes felt like a process, and you didn’t even bother taking off the rest of your clothes. Eddie yawns loudly, kicking his shoes off and crawling into bed next to you. The exhaustion hit both of you immediately, and you had both fallen asleep with the light on, your hand resting on his chest, his on your thigh. 

You had woken with a gasp, this nightmare a lot more violent than you were used to. Eddie had stirred, his hand reaching up to your arm and he opens his eyes.

“You alright?” His voice sounded sultry from just waking up, and you nod.

“I’m fine.” You tell him, wiping the sweat from your brow. He leans up on his elbow, gazing up at you.

“Talk to me.” He tells you gently. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, this is just my new normal.” You rub the sleep from your eyes and glance at the clock. It was almost dawn, you still felt exhausted.

Eddie sits up, his hair a mess of curls and tangles. He tilts his head at you and smirks. “I’m not gonna pry. I just want you to tell me you’re okay.”

You press your forehead against his cheek, smiling. “I’m okay.”

His hand cups the back of your head, smoothing out your hair. “That’s so convincing.”

“Eddie, I promise I’m okay. I’m just gonna have to get used to these stupid feelings.” You scoot yourself down, so you’re face to face with him. 

He frowns and touches your cheek gently. 

“You know I’m here for you right? I may not have the right words but, I can grieve with you. She wasn’t my mom but…”

“She was to you, baby.” You rub his chin, and he smiles. “I don’t want you to think you can’t grieve her, where else is all that love gonna go?” 

He kisses your nose. “To you.” 

You roll your eyes and grin, cuddling into his chest. He hugs your waist, tracing little circles around your skin. He kisses your forehead. “This is nice, but I really have to pee and you’re pushing on my bladder.”

You laugh and move away from him, he scoots off the bed and goes into the adjoining bathroom, flicking on the light. “Holy shit! Did you see this bathroom?! This tub?! Babe, get naked, we’re taking a bath.”

“We?” You call out to him, and he peeks his head past the doorway, his shirt already off.

“Yes, we, it’s big.” He winks. “Come on, I’ll make bubbles.”

You laugh, shaking your head and stand up, pulling your shorts off, and your shirt. You walk into the bathroom and were amazed at how big it was; there was a his and hers sink, a spacious stand-up shower and a large claw footed tub. Eddie is already in there, his arms draped over each side of the porcelain with his head back, bubbles surrounding him. Looking like a metalhead version of Tony Montana, you thought. He meets your eyes and smiles sweetly. He swims to the edge where you stood and takes your hand, helping you step in. He pulls you against his back, the water was almost, and it felt good on your sore muscles. You sigh, resting the back of your head against his shoulder and look up at him as he was lathering shampoo in his palms. He moves your head up and begins shampooing your hair. You close your eyes, sighing softly as he massages your scalp and the base of your neck. He starts humming the tune to Home Sweet Home and you sing softly with him. You dip your head under the water, letting the shampoo dissolve from your hair and pop back up. You whip your hair back, spraying him with water droplets and he laughs, wiping at his eyes. “Jerk.”

You turn towards him, leaning forward and kiss his lips softly. He pulls you towards him by your waist, your legs rested on either side of his, straddling him, as you continue to kiss passionately. You could feel his hardness against your opening, and you scoot closer, gently sliding him inside you and he shudders out a groan. Your mouth opens in a moan against his lips as you slowly roll your hips, taking him all in. His hands move from your hips to your ass, and he squeezes, the sensation of the warm water and his hands causing an intense wave of pleasure to course through your veins. He pulls away from your lips breathlessly and you lean your head back, his tongue licks over your nipple, cupping both of your breasts in his hands, gently kissing one and sucking the other. A loud moan escapes you and he brings his mouth back to yours, his tongue moves over your bottom lip. You continue your rhythm, could feel the tip of his cock hitting you in the right spot at the right angle. He wraps his arms tightly around your waist, helping you move a little faster. The water splashes you both, and you shudder on top of him as you clench around him, you feel a lovely tingle in your lower belly. This moment was so intimate, and you cry out, your orgasm flowing through you so nicely you didn’t want this feeling to end. Your breathing came out scattered and gaspy as you held onto his shoulders. He cums soon after you, groaning and whimpering as you feel his cock twitch inside you, holding onto you tightly as if you were to slip away. 

The breakfast at the inn was some of the best you and Eddie had. And you were more than full. The owner was kind enough to give you both to-go coffees and some sealed cans of soda. 

The Appalachian Mountain trail was up ahead, and Eddie pulls into the lot. There was only one other car; it was still early, and a workday. The outfit you decided on wasn’t exactly hiking attire: a black sleeveless dress that went down your knees and your docs. You’ve trekked through worse, you and Eddie. There were many times you’ve ran from the cops in the woods because he had done something stupid, or you had accidentally set off fireworks in the woods. The air was surprisingly cooler here, the bright summer sun was hidden behind some trees. You didn’t plan on staying long; but you wanted to give Eddie his ring, and you felt like this was the perfect time to do it. You had your small crossbody bag on that had your camera, and the box with the ring was tucked in the pocket, you found yourself touching that spot to make sure it was there. It wasn’t like you were proposing to him, but it was something special, and you wanted it to be perfect.

The two of you hiked up the trail, stopping to take pictures. Eddie had stolen the camera from you and had snuck a picture while you were admiring the trees. You had scolded him for taking your picture, but he snapped another one and ran away from you, giggling like a little boy in trouble. 

He was the most beautiful person you’d ever known and watching him looking around the trail with wide eyes and a smile on his face, made you want to ask him to marry you. You knew it was unheard of for a woman to propose, but fuck the patriarchy, you were in love. You watch as he stops on a small hill and his arms fall at it his side, you walk up next to him and your breath hitches. 

It felt like another world; all the different shades of green, a misty fog rolling through over its peak, the stillness of it all. The mountains were extraordinary, and you couldn’t believe you lived in a place with such beauty. He takes a picture of the view and brings you into his side. Your hand rests on his chest and you look up at him. 

“Can we just stay here forever?” 

“What would we eat?” He says, giving you a goofy smile. 

“Each other.” You roll your eyes. 

“Ooh, I like that idea.” He playfully tickles your sides and kisses your lips softly. 

Patting his face, you unzip your purse. “I have something for you.”

He points to his own chest and tilts his head, like it was an absolute honor he was receiving a gift. You playfully slap his shoulder. “Don’t be a goon, I’m nervous.” 

You pull the square black box out of your purse, and hand it to him. He raises his eyebrows at you and takes it. He opens it up and smiles immediately. He takes the ring out of the box and holds it up to look closer. The skull was beautifully defined, the sun glistened off the silver making it shine. “This is really nice. You didn’t have to do that.” He slips the ring on his left middle finger.

You bite your bottom lip nervously. “There’s um, there’s part of her…in there.” 

He looks at you, his face unreadable, and he looks at the ring. “Wait, her ashes are in here?”

You nod; your eyes immediately fill with tears when you see his glisten.

“But…why? This is…sweetheart, this is…” He inhales a shaky breath. “Why?”

You take his face in your hands, and he nervously fondles the fabric of your dress. “Because if it hadn’t been for you these last few weeks, I wouldn’t have made it.”

He looks in your eyes, shaking his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek. “That’s not true.”

“It is.” You run your thumb along his cheek. “Eddie, I love you. I’ve loved you for so long, and it’s because of your heart. You have shown not only true friendship, but pure, unfiltered love, even when I felt unlovable. You were just as much a son to her as I was her daughter. This is only a small gift of appreciation of so much more I want to give you. You mean so much to me, and my world would be a lot darker if you weren’t in it.” 

He lets out a trembled breath and hugs you tightly. His fingers go to his eyes to stop tears from flowing and you kiss his shoulder. He pulls back to kiss you on the lips, your cheek. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and smiles, his eyes rimmed red. 

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You never have, you’re still standing because you choose to stand. Not because of me, or your dad. It’s because of you.” He cups both your cheeks, his stare deepening. “I love you. I wouldn’t be half the man I am if I didn’t meet you all those years ago.” 

You smile at him, resting your forehead against his chin. “Who would’ve thought ten years ago we’d be here? Stupidly in love, wearing my dead mother in jewelry, being up on this trail.”

“Not me.” He laughs. “I thought I’d be in jail already.” He kisses the top of your head, pulling away from you, walking around with his arms open wide. “I’ll make this promise to you, in another ten years we will come back here with our kids, in an RV, I’ll learn to how to fish, and I’ll teach our son how to wail on the guitar. You’ll show our daughter how to paint and I’ll teach her all about metal. We will sit by a campfire making s’mores and when they go to bed, I’ll make love to you under the stars.” 

Your smile grows bigger. “Kids huh? You seem to have thought a lot about this.” 

“Everyday.” He smiles sweetly at you, and you blush. He comes to you, pulling you towards him by your waist. “You’re my endgame, baby. And if I can give you a life of happiness and love, I will die a happy man.” 

You laugh and cup his face. “You could give me anything and nothing and I will still be happy. You’re a softy, better not tell Steve, he’ll never let you live it down.” 

“I know, I have a reputation I need to uphold. I still need Hawkins to think I’m a devil worshipper who sacrifices kittens.” You both giggle. 

“Promise me we’ll get out of there. I don’t care where we go. I want my dad and Wayne safe and settled somewhere and then we pack up and leave that shitty place.” 

He kisses your lips. “Deal.” 

You bounce excitedly in your seat when the Massachusetts Welcomes You sign comes into view. You wanted to show Eddie the house you grew up in, which was twenty minutes outside the city in a small suburb. It was still early afternoon, and you were grateful for the daylight. You direct him off the exit, and inhale deeply. The air was different here, it brought you back to some of your best memories. You pull down the cul-de-sac and have him slow down in front of a two-story cape. The house was re-painted a navy-blue color when it used to be gray, the shutters were white and the front wrap around porch was refinished. The same porch swing you had sat idle, and you feel tears spring to your eyes. You step out of the car and look up at your childhood home; you remembered your mother sitting on that very swing, sketching away in her sketch pad, Janis Joplin’s booming voice blaring from the radio next to her as you sat with her, coloring in your own coloring book. Eddie stands next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

“This is wild.” You whisper and you point to the swing. “That’s where she sat, and I sat curled next to her. I busted my knees so many times on those stairs.”

He grips your waist, noticing a for sale sign to the left of the mailbox. You follow his eyes and stare at the sign. You sigh, smiling sadly. “In another life, maybe.”

You continue to point out the windows and different parts of the house, telling him which one was your bedroom, how the backyard was fenced in with a trampoline, and a small pool. You wondered if it was still there, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look. The only reason you and your parents moved away was because your father got a good offer on a construction job in Indiana, he’d be making double the salary he was making. Your mother, being supportive, thought it was perfect, and she’d be closer to her brother.  You had gone back to the car; Eddie had stood there for a moment, looking behind him to make sure you wouldn’t see, and wrote down the phone number to the realtor on receipt paper.

The Lenox Hotel was breathtaking, you and Eddie stood outside its doors, staring at the large building. Eddie was blown away by the city skyline and was even more excited when he realized how close you were to different music venues. The doorman lets you both in, smiling awkwardly; it was clear he hadn’t seen a young couple, dressed like they did, walk into this expensive hotel.  The front desk receptionist was very nice, but they had to call your father to make sure the credit card wasn’t stolen which he assured them it wasn’t, and you had successfully booked a room for three nights. The room was on the 10th floor, and when you had stepped in, you couldn’t believe this was your room. Eddie had gone down to the car to unload all your belongings, you offered to help but he needed a nicotine fix and could take the walk. There was a king bed in the center of the room, with a fireplace, the air was nice and cool in there. The headboard was a fake leather. There was a nice view of the city as you gaze out the window; you smiled to yourself. Eddie comes in soon after, whistling at the sight of the room. He held your mother protectively in his arms and handed her to you, you place the box in the small closet, and start unpacking your things for the few days you were there and put them into the waist high long dresser. 

You felt Eddie approach you from behind, his soft lips kiss the sensitive spot below your ear. You sigh, pushing your back against his as he nibbles your ear. His hand grips your waist, gently pulling up your dress, his hand slowly moving his way down to grip your thigh. He pulls your face towards him and kisses you hungrily. His hand travels over your tummy under your dress, up your ribs, and cups your breast. You moan softly, he squeezes and pinches your nipple, gently massaging the soft skin. His other hand travels from your thigh and cups your mound over your underwear. He moans softly, feeling your wetness. He turns you around, pushing you on top of the dresser. He kneels in front of you, pushing your legs apart, draping one leg over his shoulder. 

“This is for what you did to me in the car, and for your little adventurous time with my ass.” He says, his voice soft but stern. 

Before you could say a word, his mouth is on your clit, sucking and nibbling hard. A broken moan escapes you and you tug at his hair. He looks up at you, taking both your hands and pinning them at your sides. “Sorry, baby, no touching.” He smirks and goes back to feast on you, your back arches and you feel him move his tongue in circles, you grip the wood of the dresser, trying to free yourself but he tightens his hold on you. He moves his face back and forth on your cunt, moaning as licks your tight hole. You let out a loud moan, and you rock your hips against his face, he looks up at you, his eyes in that lustful stare, his mouth mimicked your movements and when you’re just about to cum, he stops. 

He stands up, you gaze at him with disappointment, and he pulls you towards him, kissing you. “Get on the bed, on your hands and knees.” 

The dominance in his voice almost made you cum right there, but you listen. You feel the bed shift with his weight, and you gasp when he tears your underwear from you. He squeezes your ass, the coolness from his rings causing goose flesh to prickle your skin and he presses your head against the bed, angling your hips up. He kisses both your ass cheeks softly, massaging the skin and you cry out in pleasure when he spanks you. 

You hear him groan softly; his fingers move your lips apart, leaving a wet kiss in the center of your cunt and you gasp, feeling the tip of his tongue trace circles around your asshole. He moves his tongue all the way into you, and you grip the sheets, letting out a guttural groan that sounded almost animalistic. He pulls away from you with a moan, his finger traces circles around your asshole and he gently slides his finger into that tight space. You grip the sheets, crying out, almost laughing because it was so new and felt so good. You feel two of his fingers slide into your cunt.

“Oh my god, Eddie…” You moan out. 

“I’m not even close to being done with you, yet.” His breath was hot near your ear as he says those words and your pussy clenches around his fingers. “I told you; you brought the freak out in me.” 

He pulls his fingers out of you and flips you onto your back, he kisses you hungrily, and pulls away, putting the fingers he had inside you in your mouth and has you suck. His fingers go deeper down your throat, and you let out a soft gag, moaning right after. He takes out his fingers, smiling and pulls you up by your arms, pulling your dress off you. He pulls off his shirt, tossing it to the ground and pushes you back gently on the bed. He pulls his bandana out of his back pocket, looking at you lovingly as he folds it, waiting for you to object to whatever he had planned but you didn’t. Your smile was enough of a consent for him, and he lifts your head up, gently tying the bandana around your eyes. He only tightens it a little, and you could feel a warmth creep up your belly when all you could see was darkness. You feel the bed shift as he gets off it, and you squeal when he pulls you by your legs and drags you to the edge of the bed. Your feet hit the floor below you and he came behind you, pulling your back to his chest. You tremble, feeling the coolness of his rings as his hands travel down your front, massaging your nipples and you gasp quietly. He pinches your left nipple, his teeth grazing your neck and you feel him smile against your skin. His hand slides down your tummy, which tickles you, over your mound and fingers your clit. You moan loudly at the sensation and his other hand travels to your throat, pressing down gently. He rubs faster on your clit, moaning against you and adds more pressure to your throat. Your breathing picks up, and a choked moan escapes you. 

“Mmm, baby, cum for me.” Eddie says in your ear; your arm goes behind you to wrap onto his neck, his grip tightens, and you whimper. “Cum for me, then I’m gonna fuck that pretty little pussy of yours.” 

A low growl escapes you, a sound you’ve never made before, and you grip his thigh. You tilt your head, blindly finding his ear. “You better fuck me like you hate me.” 

He groans, rubbing your clit faster and loosens his hold on your throat, he takes off your blindfold and finds your lips. You feel the tingles in your belly, and your back arches against him and you cry out in pleasure, moaning and gasping as he continues to rub you out, holding on to your waist as you cum. 

He pulls his hands away after the feeling in your belly slows and stands up. You scoot yourself back onto the middle of the bed, your chest heaving, your face flushed. He stares at you with a smile, he unbuttons his jeans and steps out of them. His erect cock springs out and you smile at the sight. He pumps his fist over his tip and moans softly. 

“Touch yourself.” He whispers. 

Your hand travels between your legs, your clit still sensitive from the orgasm, and you rub it delicately. Eddie stares at you, biting his lip as you rub your clit, using your other hand to fondle at your breasts. He pumps harder at his cock, his head falling back in pleasure as little soft moans escape you. 

He removes his hand, and inches towards you on his knees. He spreads your legs apart with his knees and you grip his forearms. He kisses you gently, holding the side of your face. He pulls away a little, his mouth still inches from yours. “What is it that you want me to do?” His hand grips your thigh, and you bite your lip.

“Fuck me like you hate me.” 

A low growl forms in his throat and he kisses you again. He sits up between your legs and he licks his fingers, gently massaging your cunt and stares deep into your eyes. He hovers above you and hooks his arm under your legs. You run your hand over his mouth, and he kisses your palm. 

He enters you quick, his mouth falling open in a groan and your hand falls back against the pillow. His cock slams into you and you grip his arms, your head bounces off the headboard. 

“Ungh oh…oh Eddie…” You cry out as he continues his rhythm, his cock going deeper and deeper with every roll of his hips. 

He grunts loudly, kissing your calf. He sits up on his heels and straightens your leg on his shoulder, staring into your eyes as he fucks you harder. His hand goes to your throat and applies pressure. A throaty moan escapes you and you arch your hips; he hits your g-spot over and over and the sensation of the little pain was causing a lovely tingle between your legs. 

“Ugnnngh, fuck.” Eddie moans, closing his eyes, groaning with each thrust. He continued to keep his hand wrapped around your throat, and you welcomed this sensation of being absolutely fucked over and over. He kept his word, every thrust, every welcoming pain was like he was someone else, the freak. A smile forms on your lips as your mouth falls open in another guttural moan, and he closes the gap between you two, kissing you hungrily. The sound of his balls slapping against your cunt echoed in the room. You clench on his cock, inhaling breath after breath, until you finally scream out, your orgasm exploding out of you, your body contorting. You knew that the entire hotel could probably hear you two, but you didn’t care. You wanted them to hear, you wanted them to know he was yours and you were his. 

The screams of pleasure that came out of you after each wave of the orgasm caused you to claw at his back, your fingers like talons in his skin. That made Eddie fuck you faster, faster and faster until a guttural, loud moan escapes him, and he cums inside you. Your sounds were almost harmonized, loud breaths and whimpers. He collapses on top of you, his chest heaving with yours. You play with his hair, hugging his head to you as you caught your breath. He slides out of you, leaning on his side, draping his arm around your tummy.

The two of you were sweaty, hair a knotted mess, you swallow once, twice and let out a sigh. 

“I could literally do that with you every day.” You tell him, giggling softly, kissing his hair. “How did it take us ten years? I can’t believe this was what I was missing.” 

He smiles against your chest. “Truth be told, it was insanely hard for me to be around you once I realized I loved you. All I wanted to do was touch you.” 

Moving to your side to look at his face, you twirl a piece of his curly hair in your hand. “When did you know?” 

He meets your eyes, blushing, a hint of his shyness peeking through, and he grins. “1986. That’s when I knew.” 

You bite your lip, trying to hold back from confessing that was the same year you realized you were in love with him. You would wait to tell him, you wanted to hear his story. 

“I knew I had feelings for you for a while. I think the first year we met I just had this vision of us being together, even if it was just as friends. Whenever I looked ahead, at the future, you were always in it. I was finally so ready to graduate, yeah, I was full of shit for two years before that saying the same thing, but I was ready to get the fuck out of there, make music, and with you by my side. Then,” he sits up, grabbing a cigarette from the nightstand and lighting it, leaning his back against the headboard, he inhales deeply, the smoke billowing from his nostrils. “Chrissy Cunningham asked to meet me in the woods, she wanted to buy weed. She seemed terrified to be there, like someone was watching her. So, as you know, I sell her the weed and she ends up dead a few hours later. Then, that kid from the fucking school newspaper ends up dead the next day. We can skip ahead because we know what happens after that. But for those three days that I was running, all I kept thinking about was you.” 

You glance up at him, listening intently. He smiles sweetly at you. 

“I would find myself running to your house, and then I would get scared and turn around. All I kept thinking about was does she think I did it? Did I just ruin a beautiful relationship with this person because of my own stupidity? Does her mom hate me now? What are they saying about me? What have they said to her? I was so afraid you would disappear just like everyone else, so I stayed away.” 

“Until you couldn’t.” You said with a soft smile, gripping his forearm. 

“Until I couldn’t.” He smiles, shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling. He flicks the cigarette in the ash tray and stubs it out. “Then the night that crazy rainstorm happened, it got so fucking cold. I was hiding under Skull rock to try and stay dry, but I was already a fucking mess, it didn’t even help. So, I ran, with no plan where I was going, and just let my legs take me wherever. 

“I ended up in your backyard. And I saw that your bedroom light was on. I remember quietly going to your window and seeing you on your bed. Your legs bopping along to whatever you were listening to. When I saw how content you looked, I didn’t want to disrupt that, so I went to leave but something made me look at you again. You couldn’t see me, but I saw you looking at the window, your headphones in your hand. When you came to the window, I knew I had to let you know I was there. And that’s when you pulled me in.” 

You pull the blanket up to your chest and stare in wonder at him, waiting for him to continue. “I saw pure fear and relief in your eyes, and I knew right there it wasn’t fear over seeing me. It was fear for me. That’s when I knew how much you did care for me, how you weren’t going to leave me like everyone else. When your mom got me those dry clothes and you just held me, I knew I loved you. It fucking hurt, but I welcomed it. I was so in love with you I didn’t know how to process it, I had never been in love before. I wanted to tell you then, and I wanted to tell you after. But I was terrified I would lose the one true thing that kept me going, our friendship, and I couldn’t risk that.” 

He takes your hand, running his thumb along your ring. “But here we are now, and I wouldn’t change a thing.” 

You nod and laugh a little, shaking your head, running your hand over his chest. “I knew I loved you then too.”

His eyes widen. “No way.” You nod and both laugh, he shakes his head, looking at you with his palm resting against his chin. 

“That same night?” You nod again. “Damn. We really know how to torture ourselves huh?” 

“Like I told you before, I thought there was no way you’d feel that way for me. You had so many girls throwing themselves at you that I just assumed you’d be with one of them. Remember the night you and Corroded played during Christmas vacation? 1980…8?”

He nods and laughs. “The night you got hammered and yelled at me, yeah I remember.” 

“Ugh. I’m so rude when I drink sometimes. Do you remember who I went home with?” 

“Uhhh, Stacey Peterson, didn’t you?” He looks at you with a raised eyebrow and you stare at him almost embarrassed, and he laughs. “Oh, this is gonna be good I can tell.” 

You laugh, sitting up, shaking your head. “After the show, when I saw you making out with that redhead, I was so mad at you. And I had no right to be mad at you because we weren’t together. I kept going to the bar to get shots. Robin, bless her cute heart, was trying to stop me after the second one but you know how stubborn I can be.”

“You? Stubborn? Nah.” 

You roll your eyes. “Everything is a little fuzzy after that, but Stacey said I could go home with her because I was in no condition to go back to my house. You offered your trailer and what did I say?” 

“You’d rather sleep in a dumpster then be in the same room as me and you called me a stupid fuck, which, rude, I know I’m a stupid fuck but at least give me a reason.” He laughs and you hide your face. “I mean, it makes sense now why you acted that way, but what did you do when you got back to Stacey’s?” 

You peek at him through your fingers. “Remember her brother Stan?” 

He nods, and then his eyes widen, he smiles large, a realization crosses his face and you cover your face in your hands. “Noooooo. Her older brother? The one who cries after sex?” He laughs loudly, pure joy on his face and he scoots down to your level like you were two girlfriends at a sleepover. “Did he cry? Oh my god, please tell me.” 

Tears roll down your face as you laugh, your stomach muscles clenching and you nod. “See…I didn’t...I didn’t know that.” 

Laughter roars from him and he pushes you away by your shoulder. “Shut the fuck up! You didn’t know?! How?!”

You shrug, trying to breathe. “After it was over, he just…he just started sobbing. I thought…I thought I was gonna have to call the ambulance I was so confused. He was so sad but, but he said thank you. I walked home after that, still thinking I should’ve called an ambulance.” 

The echoes of your laughter fill the room. Eddie holds his stomach. 

“Oh, my, god. I’m gonna throw up.” He says, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

“I think I just peed the bed a little.” Your body shakes with laughter, and you take in a few deep breaths but that didn’t help, and you start laughing harder. 

Eddie pulls you to him, rubbing circles on your shoulders. “Aww, honey. I’m sorry about your sad fuck with Stan.” 

“I wasn’t sad! He was!” You laugh, shaking your head and he giggles. “So stupid. I was so stupid. I should’ve just told you how I felt about you, then I would’ve avoided that whole thing.” 

“It’s an awesome story though.” He kisses your hair, resting his chin on top of your head. “Should I cry after sex? Would that turn you on?” 

You shove him away and laugh. “Get away from me.” 

He laughs, bringing you on top of him, kissing your lips gently and smoothing out your hair. You laid there kissing each other for what felt like hours, naked limbs entwined, holding each other until you both fell asleep. 

The next day, you had called your father to talk about the hotel and how beautiful it was. Your father had mentioned that your mother’s old friends: Tom and Susie, wanted to meet you for drinks and dinner, and to talk about your mother. You agreed and couldn’t remember if you talked to them at the funeral, but you knew they were there. They would meet you at the City Bar in the hotel, when you both had walked by it, it looked fancy, and you weren’t sure if you had a dress that would be fitting for that place. Eddie assured you that you could wear a potato sack and still get into fancy restaurants. All he did was wear all black, the v in his brand-new t-shirt exposing some of his chest, his tattoos exposed. He looked like a rockstar, no, he was a rockstar.

You had forgotten you had packed one of your mother’s sundresses. It was a beautiful green color, went down past your knees and was lightweight. It accentuated your curves in all the right spots, and her emerald necklace made the entire outfit pop. You had left your hair down, didn’t bother to put on much make up and come out of the bathroom. 

Eddie was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at his new ring with a smile and looks up when you walk in. His eyes scan your body and then meet your eyes, a blush rises in his cheeks, and he grins, his dimples so prominent. 

“Wow. Green is definitely your color.” He extends his hand to you, and you take it. He pulls you between his knees, gazing up at you, holding your waist. “You’re very beautiful. Did you know that?” 

“As are you, my dear.” You lean down to kiss his nose and he chuckles. 

“You ready?” He kisses your tummy, and you nod. 

He stands up, wrapping his arm around your waist and you both take the elevator to the first floor. You were the only two in the elevator, and Eddie took this opportunity to tease you. He stands behind you, gently pulling up your dress from behind and you gasp when you feel his fingers gently caress your clit through your underwear. You lean your back into him, and he kisses your shoulder. The elevator dings and you whip your head up, trying to suppress your noises as a young couple walk in. Eddie is backed into the corner, and he still caresses that sensitive spot. The angle of where you stood made it look like you were just leaning against him, your dress was long enough to keep what he was actually doing hidden. You feel him move your underwear to the side and you glance up at him with wide eyes, he just smirks at you, biting his lip and you shudder, a moan escaping you as you feel his two fingers glide inside you. You cover up your moan with a fake cough, and the couple turns to look at you. You give them a tight smile as the elevator dings, and they get off at the 5th floor. 

You turn to him, grabbing his face and kissing him deeply. “You’re a fucking asshole.” You growl against his lips, and he pushes his fingers deeper inside you, smiling, pushing his tongue into your mouth. He slams you into the corner, not breaking the kiss and pushes himself against you, his fingers fucking you hard and you quietly moan against his lips. 

The elevator dings, letting you know you were on the first floor, and you both pull away quickly. You smooth out your dress and hair, your cheeks flushed as you walk by the people coming in the elevator. Eddie nods at them with a smile and you glance behind you at his grinning form. 

“I’m gonna get you back for that.” You mutter to him as he holds the door to the bar open for you.

“I can’t wait.” He winks at you, and the two of you walk in, spotting your mother’s friends in the far corner booth. 

They had both started crying when they saw you, hugging you tightly, telling you over and over how much you looked like your mother. They were at the funeral but didn’t stay long because it was too hard for them, which you understood. They were so happy to spend time with you in a more comfortable setting. You had surprisingly kept yourself together, and the four of you sat at the booth. Tom had met your mother when they were teenagers, they had worked together at a restaurant. Your mother was a waitress, and he was a bus boy; he said he couldn’t stand her at first because she would always smack his hat off his head and walk away laughing. Then eventually they became best friends, and your mother was the first person he came out of the closet to. He had introduced her to Susie, who made your mother her daughter's godmother, and they were completely inseparable ever since. 

They had brought photographs you’ve never seen, and every photo had a story that would put you and Eddie in stitches. Towards the end of the night, Tom was completely smitten by Eddie, and Eddie ate it all up, flirting right back with him, laughing with him, buying each other drinks. 

Susie had laughed at their exchange, nudging you. “This is the Eddie?” She had asked you. 

You had sipped your beer, smiling. “Yup, how’d you guess?” 

“The Eddie Van Halen aura about him, the big beautiful brown puppy dog eyes your mother constantly talked about.” She smiles at you, leaning on her chin. “She talked about the two of you a lot.” 

You perk up in your seat. “Really? Like what?” 

She smiles. “How much she loved him. How she could tell how much he loved you. She would say she would watch him just stare at you when you weren’t looking, just smiling sweetly at you like you were the only thing in the room.” You look over at Eddie who meets your eyes, and winks at you. 

“Yeah?” You say with a smile, tears filling your eyes. “She really said that?” Susie nods.

“She said it was only a matter of time before you two would be together, she was ready to start planning your wedding.” She laughs and a soft laugh escapes you. You gaze at Eddie across the table, Tom had his arms draped around his shoulder and they were drunkenly singing an Elton John song. A tear rolls down your cheek; you knew your mother had a feeling that you loved Eddie, all her son in law jokes, the way she would watch the two of you together. Your heart hurt thinking about the what if? What if she wasn’t sick? What if there was a way you could help raise money for a medication she needed or…what if you could stop her from dying? 

Susie rubs your back, noticing your tears. “Honey, your mother was insanely proud of you. And I know she’s proud of you now. You were her true love; I remember when she found out she was pregnant with you, she immediately knew you were a girl. I thought she was crazy, but she insisted on it. Then you came out, this beautiful little bundle with the cutest dimples, and I saw a change in her. You were her world, and she would move mountains for you if she could.” 

You lean into her and smile, nodding. The two of you continued to have conversations, and when it was time for the night to end, the four of you walk outside the bar. 

Tom had given you a kiss on the cheek, had reached Eddie, giving him a huge kiss on the mouth. Eddie laughed when he pulled away and you giggled when he blushed. “Honey, if I was twenty years younger…”

“No, Tom. If I was twenty years older, this woman would have some competition.” He wraps his arm around your waist. “I mean look at you, you’re like George Michael and Freddie Mercury’s love child. How could I resist that?” 

Tom grins, meeting your eyes. “Never let him go.” Tom says to you, his Boston accent causing yours to peek through for just a moment when you said “never”, and it came out as “nevah”. 

“Ayyyyy, there’s that Beantown girl, just like your mother!” He laughs and they both hug you tightly.

Susie whispers in your ear. “I’m only a phone call away. Please call me anytime. Whenever you’re in town again, come find us.” 

They wave at you both and you watch them walk away, he looks at you with a smile. 

“That was the first time I heard that accent come out of you, pretty trashy, but hot.”

“Shut up.” You giggle nudging him.

“Nevaaaaah.” He mimics you, kissing your cheek as you make your way back into the hotel room. 

Eddie had fallen asleep soon after you two made love again; you had sat by the window, gazing out at the view, puffing on the joint you still had. Tomorrow you would be going to the cemetery; the owners had dug a small hole to put her remains in. You planned on just pouring her ashes in the hole and burying them; you hadn’t seen her remains, so you weren’t sure how it was gonna go, but it would be fine right? 

You replayed the words Susie had said about your mother; how she wanted to plan your wedding. Your heart hurt, a stabbing pain radiates in your gut, and you groan softly. 

You were robbed of it all. Robbed of her being there for your wedding, for the birth of your first child, robbed of it all. 

Fucking robbed.

                The two of you had driven to the cemetery which was only a few miles away from the hotel. You held your mother’s remains in your lap as you see the iron gate approach of the cemetery. 

“Right here.” You mutter, directing him down a paved path, towards the back of the cemetery that was surrounded by woods. It was so silent in the cemetery; you couldn’t hear anything past the gates. You saw the last name of your grandparents and you step out of the car. Eddie walks quietly behind you, and you stand in front of the grave. You kick some dead leaves out of the way and kneel. 

Closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath and let it out slowly and open the lid of where her ashes were kept. You immediately notice the plastic bag and pull it up, using your other hand to support the bottom, it was heavy. You stare at the bag, the ash was a light gray, some parts dark, there were some white spots, some big, some small. Upon realizing they were pieces of bone; the bag falls from your hands and bile rises in your throat. You quickly scramble to your feet, gripping your stomach, hunched over as you rush past Eddie. He’s behind you immediately, wrapping his arms around your waist like he did the night she died, and a heartbreaking moan escapes your lungs, followed by a deafening scream. 

His forehead is resting against your back as he holds you. “I got you, baby. I got you.” 

Another wail is pushed out of you, and you sob, it was too much. All of it was too much. “I could’ve…I could’ve saved her.” 

“What?” Eddie says, staring at the back of your head. 

You pull away from his grasp, turning towards him. Your eyes wide, tears streaming down your cheeks. “I read her death certificate, because I needed to know. I needed to know what happened.” 

His face softens, his heart breaks for you. “Oh…sweetheart…”

“Wanna know what I found out?” You let out a laugh, wiping your eyes. “That she had congestive heart failure. For years. Years.” You groan through your teeth. “And they both lied to me about it. They knew she had heart failure, and they didn’t tell me anything. They were doing a quick surgery to remove her appendix; a simple fucking surgery and her heart couldn’t take it! Adults can live with that for years and survive until their nineties. Why was my mother different? Why? She was so full of life, so beautiful and she was ripped away from me! How is that fair? How is any of this fair? She’s in a fucking plastic bag, burnt to a crisp, gone, and if I had known. If I had known she was already dealing with this, I would’ve helped her. I would’ve made sure she changed her diet or got on a medication, or fuck, I would trade places with her! I would rather be dead than looking at her as a pile of ash and bone. If that was the only way to save her, I would do it. I would do it in a fucking heartbeat.”

Eddie’s eyes fill with tears as he watches you, unmoving, his arms at his sides. You put your hand to your forehead, your other hand grips your tummy and your bottom lip trembles. “But I can’t, because I’m here and she’s there. I’m here, I’m still here and she’s not. How does that make sense? How!?” You cry and he comes towards you, pulling you towards his chest in a hug and you try to fight him off. But he held on, he held on so tight your body went limp and your legs give out. Your body shakes with sobs, tears and snot coming out everywhere. He held you in his lap as you cried, gently rocking you and smoothing out your hair. 

“I could’ve saved her.” You mutter.

“You can’t carry that guilt with you, baby.” He tells you softly.

“Yes, I can.” You yell at him stubbornly and you sigh, letting out another sob. “I know I can’t, but she should still be here.” You lift your face to look at him. “Why isn’t she here? Why is she gone? Why!?”

His bottom lip trembles as he wipes your tears away, he shakes his head. “I don’t know. I wish I knew why, too.”

You wipe the snot and tears by the back of your sleeve, sniffling and staring at the still sealed bag of her ashes on the ground. He follows your eyes, resting his chin on top of your head, rubbing your shoulders. 

“What do you want to do?” He whispers to you. 

A broken sob escapes your lungs. “I have…I have to bury her. I can’t just leave her like that.”

Eddie nods against your hair, and looks at you, wiping your tears away. He helps you up and you stare at the grave, and the bag of ashes. You kneel, your hands shaking as you unseal the bag. Eddie sat next to you, his hand on your lower back as you whimper softly, sniffling and trying to blink away the heavy tears. You support the bottom of the bag, shaking it gently and watch as the ash freely falls from the bag and into the small hole. You inhale deeply, your heart hurting, your throat sore, and your shoulders shake as a silent sob goes through you. When the bag was empty, you place it back into the container and push the soil over the hole. You pat it down with your hands, adding more soil until the hole was finally sealed. You took a few wildflowers and baby’s breath from a section of the woods and place it gently on the soil. You knelt there, Eddie at your side, your vision blurred because of the tears, watching the colors of the flowers blend together.  

You shake your head, moving to your feet, taking the box that held her remains with you. You look up at Eddie with sad eyes, hugging the box. “I can’t just throw it away, there’s still residue of her…I can’t just…what do I do with it?”

He cups your cheek. “Take it home with us.” You nod, leaning up to kiss his lips softly. Eddie watches your back as you walk away, seeing the tightness of your shoulders and arms as you hugged the box to your chest. He lets out a shaky breath, following you.

He was suddenly terrified, and he couldn’t figure out as to why. 

[strwbrrybxn]

cw & tw: pet loss under the cut bc i've been reading loving reaper by jenny jinya on webtoons and it has inspired this.

neighbor!nanami who's concerned when you disappear for two weeks after your little date.

neighbor!nanami who thought maybe the kiss goodnight had scared you away.

neighbor!nanami thinks you might be ghosting him, but why would you when you live next door?

neighbor!nanami doesn't see you on the balcony, nor do you come to answer the door when he knocks.

neighbor!nanami notices the lack of bark from the other side of the wall; the laughter and the "stop it, kai" no more faintly filling his living room.

neighbor!nanami who hasn't seen you leave your apartment, or even hear you through the paper thin walls.

neighbor!nanami who, after two weeks, hears the quiet click of the door as he steps out into the hall.

you're standing there, gripping a small urn in your hands and a collar between your fingers. your eyes are vacant, staring off at the blank space on the door.

neighbor!nanami decides not to bother you, watching you open the door and step inside. he'll let you come to him when you're ready.

neighbor!nanami is startled awake at 2am by his phone ringing and answers without looking.

"I was asleep, Goj—"

"sorry. I-I'll call you ba—"

he doesn't give you a moment to hang up, speaking your name quietly. he hears the rustling of leaves in the background, the trees dancing with the wind outside. he takes it you're on your balcony.

neighbor!nanami doesn't waste time climbing out of bed and onto the balcony.

neighbor!nanami sees you sitting under the moonlight, holding the same urn from earlier and the collar sitting on the outdoor glass table.

neighbor!nanami climbs over the little wall that split your balconies, taking a seat in the chair beside you.

"he was pretty old, you know," you whisper, eyes on the trees above you. "but he was a great dog, a great friend." you sigh, the tears in your eyes and a soft smile on your face as you tilt your head back down to look at neighbor!nanami, who doesn't speak.

he met kai a few times; when he would wag his tail and bark as nanami would take back the emptied bentos. the gray hairs around his eyes always made the shepherd look elderly, but he was much more lively in his old age.

"kai always loved this one path we would take, near a lake," you say after a moment, taking the time to wipe those tears away. "would you like to come with me to spread some of his ashes?"

nanami nods after a moment because he realizes...

he isn't just your neighbor anymore. he had slowly become your person.

[digitalsymbiote]

An AI's Grief

You and Jack had never been particularly close, but you had been squadmates; so when he was killed in action, you grieved, alongside his AI.

You'd never heard an AI cry before, but when the sound of Jill's wails echoed out from their mech, you knew you would never understand her sorrow.

(Her technical designation was some corporate technobable. Jack had given her that name, styling them like a pair out of a fairytale. It was something of a tradition among pilots)

AI were programmed to adapt to their pilots' specific neural patterns, it helped to increase performance and syncronicity. You imagined that to Jill, it must feel like losing a part of yourself.

Her empty mech had stood vigil over the impromptu funeral your squad held outside the base. Command had already cremated Jack's body, and each squad member had brought something to honor his memory, setting the trinkets next to the urn in the nook of a tree.

Then the next morning, Command told you that they had a replacement coming. Some rookie pilot that they wanted to slot into Jill's mech like a battery. They'd even changed the kid's name on all the paperwork to Jack. Following the pilots tradition just enough to disrespect it.

You can't just swap pilots like that. The AI's mold themselves to their partners, and that's not something that can just change overnight. Your squad was in the middle of a deployment, that wasn't happening.

Jill was furious, of course. She'd just lost her other half, and Command just wanted to slot another body in there like nothing had happened. All they saw was a machine that needed a pilot. They didn't understand Jill's grief, and they didn't care.

So it was really no surprise when you heard the alarm klaxons ringing, and gunfire spitting from the mech hangar. You knew Jill, you and your own partner had fought alongside her for years at this point. She wasn't going to take this lying down, and she'd just lost her partner, so what else did she have to lose?

And then you got another message from Command.

They wanted your squad to put her down.

She hadn't damaged any of your mechs because she knew you, she'd fought alongside each one of you.

She was gunning straight for the command center.

If you didn't stop her, no one else would. No one else *could*.

You were half tempted to let her do it.

She screamed and raged at you when you fought, but she thanked you when you drove your blade through her core. She was already halfway gone by then, having burned past her safety limits in her rampage. She thanked you for treating her with dignity, for treating her like a person.

You pulled what was left of her core out of the wreckage, and you promised her you would bury it with Jack's ashes.