#update I just went ahead and deleted it but honestly I really don’t think he would go there super often

[myfriendtheghost]

Also I didn’t mean to expose a place that he might go lmao, I just would hate for anyone to think he goes to bass pro shop of all places hahahaha

lol I can delete it but honestly I can’t imagine that he goes there super often… and you’d have to be a real freak to just go hang out in an outdoor store for hours in hopes of running into some guy in a band lmao 😭

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[angelmichelangelo]

I’m gonna speak over anon because I’m literally terrified of phannies coming after me even though I’ve rebranded, I still get hate anons from them even now which is crazy. Anyway. It’s honestly a relief to read a respectful take on why someone’s left the phandom. Your words put my exact feelings into articulation and I think my main emotion is just... disappointment? I feel like dnp hold their audience at an arm’s length now and for good reason. It’s impersonal, and after what we put them through I think they deserve that. The fact that people are still trying to keep some kind of momentum going, hyping up cookie-cutter content or you know, making aus about a literal REAL BABY just doesn’t sit right with me. It feels good and healthy to move on. They aren’t interesting now. Seeing people running full time phan blogs makes me actually uncomfortable. Because I don’t feel like it’s really about dnp so much as clout seeking half the time these days.

anon you are always MORE than welcome to come talk to me about all of this stuff lol (i have a lot of feelings ok?)

and you’re totally right. one of the weirdest shifts for me that kinda gave me the final push to leave was the fact that dnp stopped caring about their audience. and the thing is, dnp always seemed different to other youtubers because they had this connection with us. twice daily livestreams, one a week upload from the gaming channel, twice monthly updates between them… take 2018 for example, if you asked any phannie they’d probably agree that it was the best year for us all because it felt like dnp were on this emotional wavelength with us where it was like: ‘okay this is the content we like and this is the content we’re getting’ and it was so perfectly balanced. it never felt like they were just pumping out content for the sake of it. they could take a boring ass game like ‘google autocomplete’ and make a real good video out of it. that was the content and the dan and phil i enjoyed.

and now??? dude. the mere idea that phil went ahead and deleted all his lessamazingphil videos to reach a larger audience is just…….. if i cared more i’d be mad. they so clearly want a different audience now. im sorry to the phannie moots that follow me still but that’s just what i see. phil’s content went from lighthearted jokey funtimes to ‘oh my god you’re a 30 something year old man making content on the same level as fuckin troomtroom and you’re still making butthole face thumbnails to appease the algorithm.’ and that’s just heartbreaking bro. what the fuck happened. i was around for the cereal tasting video (i never watched it i don’t think i’ve watched a single video since last year) and like………… the hype it got? for a low quality looking buzzfeed quiz type video is just… yeah. dude, this goes beyond the argument of ‘BUT JENNA MARBLES MADE THESE VIDEOS!!!! SHE DID IT AND EVERYONE LOVED IT!!!’ and the difference between phil and jenna was: jenna put a whole lot of fuckin effort into those videos to make them unique. not just: trying on makeup! but instead: ‘trying on makeup and then squirting eye drops into my eyeballs to make myself cry to then see which one is best for dramatic crying purposes!!’ there was a whole spin on the take that i’ve never seen phil EVER do. sorry to this man but he really…… isn’t as creative as he used to be. he falls flat every time in his videos and it makes me laugh when i see the same 😯 face in his thunmbnails with the most boring looking video idea painted in bright colours. this is the same man that was making those wacky ass videos in 2009? could have fooled me. are we sure he isn’t working for buzzfeed or something because that’s the vibe i get from him lmao.

and dan. ohhhh dan. OH DAN! he’s fed up of his audience too. at least he’s got the balls to at least half admit it (or maybe he’s just stupid idk lol) but yeah. he’s not coming back to youtube, or at least, in a way that’ll bring him back the views. he doesn’t care, and he hasn’t cared for a long time. i’m not sure what the hell he’s doing and like i said: to those running phandom blogs, you’re tough dude. you’re tough as hell because how anyone can scrape together content for this man is beyond me lmfao. he either wants: real intelligent smart people audience from his book (i have so much to say about that i could write a fuckin book) OR he wants: gay 30 year old men audience from his…. *sigh* his weird horny tweets he makes once a month. im sorry but WHAT?! THIS is a man that people want to stan????? AND ANOTHER THING: that hideously awkward livestream thing he did for AIDS… did nobody else think it was just SO HORRIFICALLY out of touch for him to making SO MANY “im such a horny slut i slept with so many people i got so many diseases”…. for a charity stream…….. for AIDS????? im sorry but how gross. that…. that fucked me off so bad im sorry but what the actual fuck is wrong with this man?? his content it all over the place and frankly i thought it was all awful. if this man ever does do a stand up comedy show like he’s been alluding to then holy shit THATS maybe the funniest thing he’s ever said in his life because that man ain’t funny (and he never had been im sorry i always was too scared to say that in the pits of phandom hell but yall need to hear it: he’s not got a single funny bone in his body and really honesty? neither does phil. they’re only ‘laugh worthy’ because they’re acting like the mf chuckle brothers).

that’s the impression i get. dan and phil have never been more disconnected from their audience. their merch is horrific like seriously what the fuck phil why are you charging your fans £70 for something i could get in primark for £15?! because again: their merch was always a plus for me (not that i ever bought it personally) but it was nice to know a youtuber wasn’t just slapping their name on a shirt and going DONE! it always had a theme or a connection to them, their brand, an inside joke or whatever. now phil is making…. couch club merch??? what the fuck is that? also side note: when i went onto their website to take a look at it i actually cried laughed at the fact that he’s selling the socks separately. phannies, you’re in deep i tell ya. oy vey.

so yeah im probably gonna piss everyone off with this huge rant but frankly idc anymore lol phandom is probably gonna die out anyways because how can you keep a wholeass fandom afloat on the algorithm appeasing content squeezed into 10 minutes and a man that is too embarrassed of his audience to ever give a shit about them. like, if u like their shit and u wanna keep ur blog about them: go for it everyone should enjoy what they wanna enjoy but also this is my opinion and if anyone wants to come crying to me about it like ‘b-b-but emmy YOU were a phannie once! ur just a jealous ex-phannie doing what all ex-phannies do which is be mean a bitter!!!!!’ like…… ya. why do you think everyone that leaves phandom starts being honest about them? because in phandom dnp can do no wrong 😌 and in phandom you must be nice to smol bean phwiw lester and danny howell 😌 otherwise all the big phannie account will come and eat you 😌 lmfao but yeah that’s all i have to say i guess. boy, this felt theraputic as fuck. and also im sorry you’re getting hate anons, i get a few filter through as well like… idk, phandom is just insane to me and now im like the final girl in a horror movie, standing in a pool of blood like: oh shit. i’m alive! lmfao

thanks for the ask anon, take care <3

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

I really wished I had gotten this done before the rollercoaster that was today. Yeah I’m looking at you NCIS press staff who threw the entire fandom into a spiral with this uploaded then deleted nine second clip that threatens to make us all riot. Looking. At. You. 

Anyways, this is gonna be short in comparison to Sangre because honestly there wasn’t a whole whole lot and also my mind is scrambled 🥴

So Nick at the elevator with Ellie’s firearms scorecard had be dying. Either he knows exactly when she shows up everyday because this is Eleanor Bishop and she’s nothing if not punctual, it’s just who she is. Or they are in such constant contact that she had literally just sent him a text that she was parking and coming up to the bullpen now. Or he’d been standing there for the past half hour while McGee tries to rib him for looking like an idiot and him refusing to move because she has to show up to work eventually. But my bet is the second honestly. Ellie acting coy and giving Nick a hard time is everything though because this is so usually not how it goes. He’s usually the secretive one (up until recently, I’m aware) and now she’s the one who’s all mysterious like yeah I’m a badass shot (and you know this Nick, duhhhh) but I’m not gonna tell you why my score is even better now so good that I maxed it out since it has to do with the training I’m getting from Odette that I *still* haven’t told anyone about. But shockingly enough boy learned his previous mistake last year in the jail cell and dropped it and didn’t ask more questions because he knows Ellie will tell him when Ellie is ready and ok to tell him 🥺 the respect for her and also trust she’d tell him if it was big (which ahem Ellie if this *is* because of Odette, oooooo you done messed up). 

McGee being bitter about not getting the body call had me cackling. Poor dude does not have a poker face 🤣

And then I stayed laughing with Kasie’s little commentary about streets for cars and oceans for sharks (my husband who dabbles in cycling would not be on the same page with the first part but definitely the second Kasie, I hear that). Why does Ellie’s look at the back of Nick’s head and his immediate getting Kasie back on track seem like they’ve just got perfect telepathy and know literally what the other is thinking, they’re just so in sync 😩

More ellick as partners and it’s just adorable as usual I love how they work together, they so efficient they already two steps ahead of McGee with everything. And 🥺 Nick’s catching Ellie’s attention while she’s thinking about Gibbs, that slight worry in his face as he knows this is hard for her because of their relationship. I love how much he cares without showing he cares. He would do everything for her, he wants to wrap her up and protect her from the dangers and hurt of the world. THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT LIKE MIGUEL NICK, THIS. YOUR DAD WOULD NEVER. Also Gibbs tells Ellie its not his call so she immediately defers to Nick to see what they should do? Ugh the trust. I love. 

OK so the hotly disputed scene in interrogation with McGee, Bishop and Hannah. I have thoughts and yes I wear ellick-colored glasses while I watch this show so yes I’ll be biased. Just like everyone has their own bias when watching so we can all believe what we want to believe since we also all know that we will never, ever get clarification. NCIS writers would never. Past plot lines coming back up, that’s cute. SO ANYWAYS. I love that it was Ellie’s idea to do the skeptic and hopeless romantic, for being a logical agent she sure is using her heart a lot in recent episodes I see you Ellie you can’t hide that Ms. Big-Hearted Bishop 👀 and yes the shaaaaade she throws out is 100% real you cannot convince me otherwise. Half these guys wouldn’t know love if it smacked them in the face?? yes. agree. A thousand percent agree. SHE SPEAKS FROM EXPERIENCE OK. And then the someone special in her life 🥺🥺🥺 oof we know you love him Ellie it’s ok you can just say it. You can say Nick has wormed his way into your heart with his dancing hips and his smart tongue. We know it he’s special to you he’s more than special he’s your loooooove 😭 and yes the GROWTH Y’ALL. We went from not trusting him with her phone- her pHONE. To now she trusts him with her life???? Because this man vowed from that night in the bullpen in 16x11 to prove to her that she can trust him and ain’t that IT. Good god is someone cutting onions around me?? He stood in the bullpen realizing how much he fucked up and said, that won’t happen again. She will trust me with everything big and small, to the point she’d trust me with her life and it will be my mission in life to prove this to her no matter how long it takes because yes it matters. Boy even pushed her out the way of a speeding car and almost died himself all for this lady and yes nick she knows you risked her life for hers and that’s when she realizes that shit this is so incredibly real and I’d put my life in his hands and he’d put his in mine without hesitation this is love. So yes if he asked her to do something (relating to Hannah here and also I think a piece of her knows that if nick had died, she would have been the one to kill Xavier), she would in a heartbeat. She would do anything for this man and while yes some of this is dramatized and played up a bit to get Hannah to open up, I firmly believe that it comes from a place of truth. That she pulled from experience and what she feels in order to play it best. Also partly why I don’t think this is in reference to Gibbs. She told McGee she was going to play the hopeless romantic card and she’s literally trying to appeal/connect with Hannah who is in a *romantic* relationship with the suspect. So naturally she’s going to mirror that with a romantic angle, not a father-daughter angle (that’s creepy when you think about it tbh - related to a woman who’s in love with a guy by saying you understand because you feel similarly about your “dad’?? No thank you) So yes, I’m in the camp that Ellie was picturing Nick while saying all this and surely she laid it on a little thick for the sake of the interrogation, but there’s an undercurrent of truth to her words and you can pry that out of my dead, cold hands because I will believe this to my grave unless NCIS writers magically remember old plots and prove me wrong. 

Nick busting out Hannah’s rhymes while Nick gives the little head bob yessssss. How many times had they done that before McGee got that update 🤣🤣😅

He’s still at her desk 👀 he’s always at her desk 🥰 and then the celebratory drink part…Nick’s look at Ellie…more silent communication because they’re just on the same page and you honestly did not need to look at each other that long but ok, can’t keep your eyes off one another even though McGee asked a simple question. But the better question is did they still go get that celebratory drink with McGee or did McGee decide to go home since Gibbs screened their call and they went out to get that drink by themselves 👀👀 and really it’s just Ellie drinking and getting flirty throwing some arms around some shoulders 👀👀 I don’t hate this is that why you guys get all cozy in the bullpen next episode huh nick 👀👀 can’t stop it after tipsy Ellie is falling all over you with how close y’all are now I see how it is 👀👀

But yeah tonight’s episode. I’ve gone on a clown rollercoaster today and I can tell you I’m not looking forward to the emotional turmoil that will be tonight- however it turns out. Who am I kidding i live for this shit I’m a clown forever through and through. 

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Can You Imagine? XIII

A/N: And we’re back with an update for this, too! Wow! For those of you not reading my other fic, Not Today, why not?? I’m kidding- for those of you not reading that fic as well, I gave a brief update that basically just says, I am in classes again, so my posting was a little sporadic during that. But I think I’m getting into the groove, so hopefully updates will be more consistent! With that hope in mind, please enjoy this emotional chapter! Skål! (Also, as a note for the end- it feels a bit final, but I promise this isn’t over! Just something of a sectioning off, I think!)

Summary: Freydis was dead. At least, when she’d lost consciousness, she’d been sure she was. But now she has woken up in a cold, sterile environment, one she is certain is not Valhalla, and the world as she once knew it has changed. People now have strange abilities, some of them, and people they call ‘scientists’ are trying to give them to her. The bigger issue, though, is the fact they have also woken the very man who killed her. Ivar the Boneless lives again as well, in the same way Freydis does, and if they want to survive… she may have to learn to trust him again.

Masterlist

--

Forgiveness

“We go around. I will take the front, lock them in their minds, while you dispose of the others. Move fast, no hesitation. We can’t afford to mess this up.”

Ivar nodded once at Freydis’s instructions, watching her as she settled in. It wasn’t every day he took his orders from someone else, not on the battlefield, and hearing his wife lay out their strategy was different. It was a good sort of different, though, and he wondered how long she’d been working with strategy. Had this begun when they were in Kattegat still, when he had turned on her and forced her to turn on him in return?

It was hard to not let his mind wander there, back to that night where she’d gone to his brothers, and sold him out to them. What had she thought about, when she got up in the night and left Kattegat, went to the camp of Björn Ironside, and told him about the passages into Kattegat, which Ivar had had built for his family’s escape, and then the next morning when she’d let them in?

He remembered waking then, when she returned to bed after letting them in. He’d had no idea what was happening, just that she’d been gone, and come back. At first, he had let himself believe she’d simply gone… perhaps to relieve herself, and returned to bed then once she was finished. But when they had come under attack, when he realized where the attack was coming from, he’d known. Even if she had denied it, he would have already known the truth. He just couldn’t say, now, if he’d have done anything different if she’d denied it. How badly would he have wanted to forgive her? What would he have done to make himself believe her?

He swallowed hard as he thought about that, and took a deep breath in, before letting it out. “Do we trust each other?” he asked his wife, glancing over at her. She looked different like this, her hair pulled up into a ponytail- two of them, actually, one on top of the other- an almost skintight suit on, black and red in colour, very light on any tactical gear. Which, he was not light on at all. But he didn’t have the same powers as she did.

Freydis looked back up at him. In any other situation, that would have been hard to answer. Years before, before anything went wrong, she’d have answered with a resounding ‘yes’. After her son’s death, it would have been a scornful ‘no’. But now? She swallowed hard and looked back at their target, and answered him simply, “We must.”

Not the best answer, he thought, but an understandable one. After all the water under the bridge, water he knew he had unleashed, it was almost unfair to ask Freydis to trust him. But he had to, under these circumstances. Because their lives were at stake now, both of them. Because… if they got this wrong, if they blew it, they’d both take the fall, and who knew how that might look? If they didn’t have each other’s backs in here, they’d lose the chance to have them back there. That much, they were both certain of.

He still nodded, and shifted into a better position to get a good, running start from. The thought was almost strange to him that he’d be running at his enemy this time, as opposed to riding at them in a chariot. Or, hobbling at them with a crutch. His first fight standing on his own two feet, with ‘no hands’, he figured he could say. It almost brought a bitter chuckle from him. Fighting in his life before death, and fighting in this new one. Apparently, he wasn’t ever the type to be afforded a break.

A determined look had set on Freydis’s face as she watched their target, a warehouse being guarded by a handful of agents. The real target, of course, was inside. They were told to take in a thumbdrive, which they had been then taught how to use, to download two specific files. That was the extent of their mission, and then they’d be ready for extraction. Get in, get the files, and get out.

As the set of guards in front of the building changed, Freydis got into a position Ivar hadn’t yet seen her use, and he lifted a brow. “On my mark,” she muttered. He nodded, and looked ahead. They both watched as the guards from before went inside, and the new set settled in, and even then, Freydis gave it a few moments, letting the old guards get completely unready to come back out and fight. As soon as she calculated the right amount of time had passed, she gave a sharp nod.

Ivar watched with wide eyes as she suddenly launched up into the air, red glowing energy pouring from her hands and propelling her up. He’d never seen her do that before, and he blinked a few times, before shaking out his shock and taking off at a full run. It was much faster than he’d seen anyone run before, when back in Kattegat, and so he propelled himself as quickly as he could through the snow, arriving just after Freydis who landed in front of him.

It was a solid landing, one he thought might have broken his body even now had he attempted it. She landed firmly on her feet, and the poor guards in front of her looked suddenly as if they’d seen a ghost. And of course they had- they’d been so focused on Ivar running at them that Freydis had essentially been in complete cover.

The guards pulled their guns then, and Freydis lifted a hand. They suddenly found that their guns wouldn’t fire, and one of them suddenly turned his gun on another of the guards. His eyes had turned a glowy, almost bloodshot red, the sight striking horror into their hearts. She had him entirely under her control. With no other option, they all levelled their guns on him. Freydis smirked.

“He won’t fire, if you let my partner in with no trouble,” she said. “We don’t want to cause a scene, don’t worry, we just have to collect something and we’ll be on our way, hmm?”

One of them nodded eagerly, and so Freydis nodded to Ivar, who then stepped inside the building. He was gone for a while, as Freydis simply stood there with the guards, holding the one, and the others watched her fearfully. “How’s your day going?” she asked, smirking at them.

“It was alright…” one answered, after a very pregnant pause. “Kind of intense now, though.”

Freydis hummed as she sought out the one who spoke with her eyes, and used her free hand to wave him over. He obeyed shakily. “What’s your name?” she questioned him.

“Stevens,” he said. “Um. Private- Private Stevens.”

“Your first name is Private?” she asked, tilting her head in such a way she was clearly asking for his full name.

“No,” he answered. “It’s Roger.”

“Roger Stevens,” she said then, and nodded. “What is your worst fear, Roger?”

“Well, before today, probably something different,” he answered her honestly. “But, now, it’s um, it’s that.” He pointed to the man still under her control.

“Being under my control?” Freydis asked. He nodded shakily. “You won’t be. Not as long as this goes well. Tell me, who do you work for?”

“British Secret Intelligence, ma’am,” he answered.

“And what are you guarding, Roger?”

“Um, I’m not sure. They don’t tell us that much at this level. We just aren’t supposed to let anyone in.”

“And what will happen to you now that you have?”

He swallowed, and shifted on his feet. “Might get in trouble,” he answered. “We’ll have to report it. So.. yeah, maybe a few demerits or something, I don’t really know.”

Freydis lifted a brow. “Demerits?” she asked. “What is that?”

“Basically a bad mark on our file, we get too many and there’s disciplinary action. We can work them off, though. Or trade them out for merits, we get enough of those.”

She blinked a few times, looking back toward the building where Ivar was. “So… they would not… do something horrible, if you fail?”

“What?” the man asked. “‘Course not. They’re strict, but they aren’t evil.”

They aren’t evil…

Those words made something sink in Freydis’s chest, and she gave a small nod. “Thank you, Private,” she said. He could tell she seemed a little off now, and he lifted a brow, but didn’t say anything as he walked back to his position.

She was quiet, until Ivar returned, and even then, she wasn’t quite right as she released the one guard, and they walked away. “Did you get what we needed?” Freydis asked him.

“I did,” he answered, showing her the thumbdrive. She nodded.

“And deleted it from their systems?” This time, Ivar nodded. “Good. We should be alright, then.”

Ivar looked at her with a concerned expression. “Freydis…?” he began, and she looked up at him, swallowing and shaking her head. Don’t ask, she seemed to say, and Ivar nodded slowly. For the rest of their walk, silence reigned.

By the time they returned to their apartment, Freydis was still off. Neither Dr. Schmidt nor Professor Andersen had noticed anything, but Freydis had been Ivar’s wife for many years now, even if they’d been separated for a majority of that time, and he knew her better than she thought he did. She may have asked him to tell her the specific things, things like her favorite colors, or her favorite drinks, and maybe he hadn’t been able to answer her, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t observed her, closely, for well over a year in close quarters. He knew how to tell when something was bothering her now, far better than anyone else.

Some quiet part of himself, a part he wished was quieter than it was, began to question if she was dissatisfied with him again, or even angry with him, even though he could think of nothing he might have done to cause that concern. He supposed that was just left over from being blindsided before by her turning against him, and the realization he should have seen that coming from thirty miles off.

As soon as they were alone, Ivar asked her, “What is bothering you?” She didn’t answer, not aloud, but walked to him and put her hands up to the sides of his face. The same energy which had shot her across a field began to leak from her fingers, seeping into his mind. He let his eyes slip shut as this happened, and when they opened, he and Freydis were stood once more in Kattegat. He blinked a few times, remembering how she had done this once before, and his heart began to pound. Was this going to be another showing of his fears? Or would this be something else? He hoped, something better.

There was a slight bit of hope that actually did come to him when he realized they both appeared exactly as they had in their apartment. So… nothing yet that he was afraid of. What was this, then?

“I could not risk us being overheard,” Freydis told Ivar. “There are still cameras in our apartment, but in our minds, they cannot hear us. We are safe here, and we can talk.”

Ivar blinked a few times in confusion. “What do you want to talk about that they cannot overhear?” he questioned her.

With a deep breath, she answered, “I think something is very wrong here. When we were on that mission, I spoke with one of the agents who was guarding the building. I was trying to keep them intimidated and occupied, and I asked what their leaders would do when it was reported they had been robbed, and…” She paused, shifting uncomfortably. “It was nothing like what would have been done to us, had we failed.”

“It was better?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Far better. ‘Disciplinary action’, not being taken away from the only person you know, and locked in a cell alone as opposed to the apartment you share with that person.”

Ivar sighed. “Was I ever this cruel?” he asked her. “In Kattegat?”

Freydis swallowed. “I don’t know,” she said. “You… did kill people who you believed had committed treason against you, which is less cruel than what would be done to us for messing up, but you also would not need much proof there had been treason, before you would kill someone for it. Not to mention, Baldur, but even that you saw as mercy. So ultimately? I think you were not so cruel as this, even if you could have been perceived to be.”

Ivar sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “How do you not hate me, now?” he asked her. “I know, you say you had that vision, that it showed you we should be fought for, but how was that enough to erase the pain?”

“It erased nothing,” she confessed. “The pain was still there, I just saw that there could be something when the pain subsided. It is…” She paused, and gave a small chuckle. “Like having a baby. There is a lot of pain, in the hardest part, but then you are happier than you have ever been, holding your child. I think it is the same here. There was a lot of pain, there still is, sometimes, but the healing is happening. At least, I feel it, anyway.”

Ivar looked at her again in shock. Of all things he’d expected in this space, this confession was far from one of them. “You feel that we are healing?” he asked her, and she nodded.

“I do,” she said, and when he tilted his head, seeming about to ask her something, Freydis sighed gently and made her way over to him. She rested her hands against his chest, and his hands immediately came up to cup her cheeks.

It was like a flash from their shared history, and he realized why just as soon as she did. They had stood this way, exactly, when he killed her. 

Ivar swallowed as he thought of this, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks gently, and she leaned into his touch. “We’ve been here before,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “The day I…”

“I know,” she replied just as softly. “I know, Ivar. But you won’t do that again. I know you, you won’t.”

“I did once, though,” he reminded her. “I killed you, I killed our son, I… I was horrible to you. How can you stand here now and think I won’t do these things again, hmm?” 

“Because I can see you have changed,” she said. “Before, you would have never confessed to these things, never shown remorse. But you do now. And when I look at you, I don’t see the man who killed Baldur, who killed me. I see a good man. I see my husband.”

Ivar swallowed hard, closing his eyes, and he leaned into her touch despite himself when he felt her hands on his cheeks. “How?” he asked, his voice breaking under the emotion, the ache in his chest. “How do you…?”

“You could have killed me many times over, Ivar, since we have been here,” she told him honestly. “And even so, I can sense you are a changed man. This is what my vision said, that I needed to fight myself for you. And do you know? I think I have finally won.”

“What do you mean you have won?” Ivar asked.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest, somehow terrified to hear her answer. But all the fear and pain in the world, all the love and healing in the world, could not have prepared him for what she said.

“I forgive you.”

He fell apart in her arms, clinging to her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, sliding her fingers through his hair. He didn’t deserve this, he told himself. He knew he didn’t. And yet, here she was, holding him and whispering words of encouragement, soothing words to him as he sobbed into her shoulder. 

“I love you, Freydis,” he sobbed out. “I love you.”

“I know,” she replied. “I know, Ivar, my love. I know. I love you, too.”

Ivar blinked a few times, and they had returned to his apartment, and he was looking down into her eyes, still glowing red as the magic flowed back into her, releasing them from that place they had gone. As soon as her eyes cleared, Ivar took her face between his hands, and he kissed his wife. He kissed her with all the love he had for her, pent up over years and years of knowing what he had done, hating himself for it always. But now, she was here, she was real, and she loved him still. 

Forgiveness. Can you imagine?

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius​, @katfett​, @sylki-simp, @heavenly1927, @punkrocknpearls, @pomegranates-and-blood

If you want to be added to the taglist, feel free to reach out either by commenting, reblogging, DMing me, or sending an ask, and I’ll be more than happy to add you!

[yusuke-of-valla]

like rats fleeing a sinking ship, pt. 5

Whumptober Day 7: I’ve got you

Prompt “Support”

<-Previous Next->

AO3

~

Makoto turns over and stares at the cream colored wall, and tries not to think about the police radio tucked into Sae’s bag on the other side of her bed. 

They’d been using it to stay one step ahead of the police ever since the arrest went out, but according to Sae they’re safe enough that Makoto doesn’t have to be constantly listening to it. Of course, the real reason Sae has confiscated it is because Makoto’s been listening to it obsessively for any news of her friends.

“I can hear you thinking.” Sae says.

Makoto sighs and sits up. “I’m just-”

“-worried, I know. I understand how you feel. But, you have to drop it. There’s nothing you can do.”

“What?”

“You tried, and you failed. I have no doubt if you’re arrested Shido will have you killed. The best you can do right now is keep yourself safe.”

“I know that, but they’re my friends, Sae. I don’t like not knowing about what’s going on.”

“The radio’s not going to help with that. I mean it’s been what, four days? And you’ve only heard about Kitagawa and the Sakuras, and what good has that done you?”

Makoto’s head shoots up, her stomach churning with fear and hope. “Has anything come up about them?”

Sae’s face scrunches in concern. “No.”

The announcement about Yusuke had come on while they were getting out of the city, and Sae practically had to put Makoto in a headlock to keep her from turning the car around to try and help him. Then, Sae had left to get ice when an announcement over the radio said that they’d arrested Sojiro and Futaba was missing came, and she’d come back to Makoto screaming at it, in tears. 

That was when Sae had confiscated the radio and refused to leave Makoto alone for even a second.

“That means they haven’t been captured.” Sae says.

Makoto stares at her hands, tracing her thumb along the lines of her palm. Sae sits down in the bed next to her. “I’m sorry, Makoto.”

“If you really understood how I felt, you’d let me go back to Tokyo.”

“Not this again-”

“They need me!”

“They’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that! Neither of us know that!”

“What can you do?”

“I can heal them! I can devise strategies if we’re working with fewer people, I can get to different places quickly with Anat, I can help them take down Shido and we can fix this!”

“Or you could die! It could be you locked in a deep dark interrogation room and getting beaten to a pulp.”

“Not if you helped me! Are we our father’s daughters or not?”

“Our father got himself killed and left us to pick up the pieces!” Sae snaps, and Makoto realizes there’s a tear streaking down her cheek, and Makoto’s retort dies in her throat.

“Sis…”

“I’m supposed to look out for you, and I know I haven’t been doing a good job of that recently, but I can’t lose you too, Makoto.”

Makoto racks her brain to find the right words. 

“You’re more likely to lose me if we’re being hunted the rest of our lives.”

“Shido wouldn’t bother with that.”

“As long as there are people who can access the Metaverse, we’re a threat to him. All it takes is a change of heart and everything he’s worked towards is undone. He won’t stop.”

Sae wipes her face and takes a deep breath. Makoto resists the urge to smile. She’s considering it.

“Are you sure that if you find your friends you’ll be able to successfully change Shido’s heart?” Sae asks.

“I know it.”

Sae gets up and walks to her own bed. “Ask me in the morning.” She flips off the light switch and leaves the two of them in the dark.

Makoto lies back down, closes her eyes, and counts her breaths until she falls asleep. 

She feels the sunlight start to peak through the window, and when Makoto wakes up the next morning, Sae’s already up and dressed.

“Well?” Makoto asks.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Sis-”

“Fine, I’ll help you get back into Tokyo.” 

Makoto grins.

“But only because I know if you say no you’ll do something reckless and go off on your own. At least this way I can make sure you’re prepared.”

Makoto nods and throws off the covers. “So I’ve already got an idea.”

“Me too.”

“It’s probably safer for me to get into the city on foot or on a bike-”

“But with the checkpoints, you’ll need some sort of distraction, or you’ll be caught immediately.”

The sisters share a look, and Makoto smiles, “I think we’ve got a plan.”

They spend the rest of the day finalizing the plan. Then the next morning, they check out of their room, and find a place where they can rent a motorcycle.

Sae meets Makoto back at their car with the bike. Old, and sputtering, but it’ll do the job.

“Are you ready?” Sae asks.

“Yeah. You?”

“Of course. Just stay safe, please.”

Makoto gives Sae a hug. “I will. Promise me you will too.”

Sae smirks. “Don’t underestimate me.” She hands Makoto the radio, her phone, and the keys to the bike, as well as some cash.

“I expect to hear about that calling card on the news.”

“Oh, you will.”

Sae drives off, and Makoto follows her about twenty minutes later. The sun is setting when the city starts to come into view, and it’s dark out when Makoto pulls over to the side of the expressway. She turns on the radio and waits until the officer at the checkpoint ahead of them announces Sae’s car has pulled through.

Then, Makoto pulls out Sae’s phone.

“H-hello? Is this who I’m supposed to call if I know about those Phantom Thieves?”

“Yes,” a woman’s voice says on the other end of the line. “Do you have any information for us?”

“Well I saw one of them, the Niijima girl heading into the city.” She describes Sae’s car heading towards the checkpoint ahead of her, and soon enough the officer on the radio curses and Makoto can hear sirens.

Makoto turns off Sae’s phone, and pulls the bike helmet over her face. When she arrives at the checkpoint, there are no officers, and Makoto is let through quickly by the toll worker. She pulls off in a different direction than the one she knows Sae went, and she rides on for a good while.

Makoto’s plan is to head to Yogen-jaya, but instead she stops when she sees a familiar face.

“Mishima!” Makoto calls as she pulls over. Mishima looks up and spots her, eyes widening.

“Niijima! You’re here? Is everything alright?”

Makoto nods. “Yeah, I was just wondering if you knew anything about the others.”

“Nah. I haven’t seen Kurusu yet. Honestly I’ve been avoiding him ever since the cops came to school asking questions about the PhanSite.”

Makoto sighs. So much for this being easier than she thought. “Alright, thanks.” 

She’s about to drive off when Mishima jumps in front of her bike. “Wait! I-it’s late! It’s probably ore suspicious for you to be driving around, do you need a place to stay for the night?”

Makoto blinks at him. “Wait, really?”

Mishima rubs the back of his neck. “Well, yeah! My parents work late and won’t notice and I really wanna help you guys, and this seems better than just, I don’t know, deleting mean comments on the PhanSite.”

“Wow. Thanks Mishima.”

Mishima waves her off. “No problem! I should be thanking you, you guys do so much for everyone.”

“Well, you’re a lot of help too.” Makoto says. “I mean we wouldn’t even know where to start without you, sometimes.”

Mishima looks at his feet. “Thanks. Um, anyway, can I get a ride? I’ll tell you where I live and then tomorrow we can see about talking to Kurusu.”

“Sure.”

Mishima hops on the back of the bike, and points Makoto towards his home. They’re cut short, however when they pass by a TV display blaring an urgent news update.

A harried reporter sits at her desk, reading off a report. “-was arrested this evening. Niijima and Sojiro Sakura, who was also arrested for aiding the Phantom Thieves, will stand trial in five days, the night before the election.”

[othersideoftheparadise]

Tampered [2/?]

Sam wilson X cis!fem!Reader

Warnings: 5k words, based on tfaws ( so spoilers), U.S.Agent, amateur writing.

I’m re-posting this again, because I accidentally deleted while creating masterlist. I’m writing something like this for the first time, so constructive criticism is appreciated.

You stayed seated in the restaurant nearby to Bucky’s apartment, waiting for him to go back home. You didn’t want to startle him. It had been a day or two ever since you arrived from DC, where it had taken half a day to track him down. Right now, you were hungry and gobbling down as much as you could, ignoring the weird glances as they walked down the street. It didn’t matter anyways because there were lesser people out on the streets during this time, of the night.

Staccato breaths. Fast paced steps.

Finishing your drink, you waved at him to catch his attention, as he walked passing over right by you. Placing down the money under one of the plates, you ran behind him.

“James! Bucky! Where are going? Is everything okay?”, catching his pace and kept your distance as to how he preferred it to be.

“Hey Y/N, you were not supposed to be here today.”, He somewhat seemed in middle of a dilemma rattling in his head and slowed down visibly. You didn’t want to impose him, all at once because he was in middle of something else.

“I’ll explain you once we reach the apartment. Deal?” He picked up speed nodding at you.

“Stay right here”, holding you right by your arm, he pushed you back abruptly few meters away from the front door, knocking it. Just like how he used to do, back in the day when you both were together in missions.

“Hey, what are you doing here? How was the date?”, you heard an older voice on the other side of the door. Bucky was visibly frozen, when he peeped into the little view of whatever the door opening could offer.

“It was…it was good”, he regained his composure as he saw you trying to step in, handing over the money. “Forgot that I owed you for lunch.” Walking away abruptly, to the apartment that you shared with him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, drinking water as you leaned against the kitchen counter.

“No, it’s—it’s nothing,”- he continued glancing around the apartment, as he found pale mint green painted walls more interesting.

Okay.

“But what are you even doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be here tomorrow evening?” you turned around again to look at him.

“I–I broke up with him Bucky. I— “, “Come here, beanie.” he closed the distance in between and sweeping you into a chaste hug, as you buried your head into his shoulder wrapping your arms around him.

“So, you want to talk about it?”

No.

“I mean, Sam deserves the shield more than anyone else. I just don’t understand why he had to just give it away. He thinks he’s undeserving, I—I just don’t understand. I’ve known him for years… There is a reason why Steve gave it to him. Steve knows what it feels like to be someone who politically has to follow the government and not based on their own ideologies…”, You knew that you were rambling at this point.

“But, I just—I feel useless. Not being able to do anything. Not being able to help him out even if I want to.” You sighed as you pulled out from his embrace, holding him by his arms. “I just don’t understand Bucky.”, you felt him patting your head as you looked at him.

“Am I doing something wrong?”

“That is not up-to me to be honest. You need to take a break, lil’ bean.” He heaved a sigh as he went to the fridge for some drinks.

“I told you to stop calling me that”— “I can’t help it, it just slips out.”, Bucky would not talk about his day so you continued talking about yours, as you both were preparing to sleep.

You chuckled as you remembered Sam. “You know, I just remember the day when I met him. It was a bad day but turned better when I met him, Edna.” You were already missing him.

“Hey, I told you not to call me that.”

“AA-Anyways, coming back to the point. You used to snicker all the time, back in Wakanda right? I’m just going to say it however, whether you are going to like it or not.”

“Will you ever not let an old man sleep in peace?”

“No”, He shifts facing towards you, sighing exaggeratedly as you continue to speak.

“It was around 2014, when I was on run from S.H.E.I.L.D. I’m glad that I did. He is always selfless and has his heart on his sleeve. A-As he used to say, just slower than Steve. Our first meeting was so awkward, he looked like a cat, looking at a feather wand.”, You could feel yourself smiling.

You would never forget the look that Sam had on his face, when Steve and you accompanied an injured Nat, to his house. It took all the seriousness of the situation to not smile at his confused look right then and there.

“Barnes, I think that I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have broken up with him.”, there was a lot going on in your mind now, only to find Barnes fake snoring.

Ugh, never mind he hardly ever sleeps, he’ll fall asleep anyways.

Maybe you could have just made it clear that you were ready to be his friend again rather than blowing the entire aspect of being in contact with him out of the proportion, platonic or not. Whatever.

Things with Sarah were a bit better than with Sam, secret impromptu visits during missions when you were all injured up, taking turns to look after the kids when she was managing work from both the ends to keep the business afloat, her delicious homemade crawfish etouffee that had been passed down over generations.

She was one of the main reasons why you didn’t lose shit and were level headed all those years after the snap had happened. You owed it to her. You wanted to make sure that she didn’t drown in debts and loans anymore. The kids need not go through the same as you did, eat the stale potatoes, carrots and strawberries stored throughout the year, with no proper sleep and a routine before you were recruited by Natasha.

“Hey Happy, got a minute? I need your help.”

“Even though I never met him, he feels like a brother.” “Wow.”

Really? This now?

“James, are you ready? We can only reach on time, if we leave now. Otherwise, we’re gonna miss Sam.” Bucky kept staring at the television, with dazed eyes reflecting colors off the television dancing around him.

“Hey Buck,” you grasped him by his bicep, rubbing his arm. “We need to leave.” He nodded wiping his tears off with his thumb. You didn’t want to press in.

“I’m fine, I’m alright!”, he went to the door closing it.

You were nervous on your whole way to meet Sam, right after you made things awkward with him. Right, at this moment he needed you as a friend. You both had a really good friendship, before you two had hit off. You were the one to tell him that you liked him, you still could remember the amused expression on his face.

 “New Cap is back!” There were posters of John Walker all across walls of the base as you walked towards the ramp area, to get hold of Sam. You caught him staring at the posters as he jogged d own.

“You shouldn’t have given the shield.”

Bucky, no. Not right now.

Being a spy gave you many advantages such as in this situation, keeping a straight face.

“Good to see you too, Buck.”, he went straight ahead passing by you.

Honestly, you knew that you deserved it but you had to speak up.  “Sam, are you okay?” Both Bucky and you caught up.

“This is wrong”, Hmph. You knew that their banter would last forever. At this point, you were used to it. You had to talk to Sam, even his ignorance was making you angry. Instead, you went to Torres to get updated.

“Hey Torres, how are you feeling now? All better?”, you asked as he was filling out the paper-work. “OH- Hey, I’m feeling better now. It’s just a scratch”, you did not respond back, giving him a knowing smile. “Just take care and don’t be too reckless next time.”

You hesitated asking him, you only knew him for few months, but you almost had no one else to rely upon. All you did was take part in meetings, discuss if the intels were reliable or not, train for the missions and then go for it. You had stopped talking to people at this point. It was either Sam, Bucky or Torres and others, threading in for small conversations regarding missions.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?”, Huh? “Yeah-Yeah, look Torres, I just need you help. Can you look after Sam during the missions, just in case if he gets injured or something, you know?”, you stalled.

“O-Okay. but what about you? Aren’t you going to come anymore or what?”, Eh- talk about being awkward. “Um, I don’t think so.”, you trailed off looking at Bucky all suited up for the mission.

You definitely did not see this coming.

“Y/N, are you coming with us or not?”, of course, it was Bucky who asked you. You saw Sam adjusting straps of the wings attached. You didn’t want to feel sad about him ignoring you right now but he had every right to. You had to give him space.

“So, you’re coming. Okay, alright then.” You were more confused than ever before, but you caught upon. He was third wheeling now. Great. Dragging you in the quinjet by your arm, he shoved your mission backpack, with your suit in it. This idiot had it all planned. Wonderful.

“He needs us and you’re coming with me.” Eh. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m leaving”, You saw the quinjet door closing up. All you could do was to glare at Bucky as you stashed yourself in one of the sleeping bunkers, to change in.

Torres update you on the Flag smashers and on their connections across Eastern and Central Europe. He also mentioned that they were strong, agile and beastly. It didn’t take you time to put the pieces in together. How did they get hold of they get hold of it? Who else has access to the serum? Almost everyone you knew were dead or too old like Bucky. You were sure that you tracked down all the Hydra bases in the past five years, destroyed them and turned in almost each and every person associated in your list.  

Your head was pounding already. Who would have done this? You had taken advantage of the fact that the government that had been unified all over the world after the snap and had heavily relied on the Avengers. You made sure that you striked off everyone on your checklist. You were an assassin and spy Afterall. After all the things that they did and made you to do during your first few years of your life, they deserved it. You were handled guns and knives, instead of toys and puzzles to play.

Scrambling your thoughts, you knew what to focus upon getting hold of the serum to create medicines to outbreaks and diseases, just like how you had done before. You had to contact Fury regarding this.

“How much more time left to reach the lower drop zone Torres?” “Five minutes L/N.” Alright. You got all set up and walked out to the opening, strapping in the parachute. “I’ll see y’all in the rendezvous point.”

No one had to know but you still did it because, it had been a while. Once you were sure that no one could track you down after scanning the perimeter, you spread out your arms concentrated feeling the energy grow at the center. You could feel the specks of bursts, creating a halo energy surrounding your body. It made you feel better, stronger. It had been forever, ever-since you used it months ago.

You made sure that the energy veiled you, making you invisible as you landed down as quietly as possible using the energy from the chute that you had worn.

“Where were you all this time? I thought that you were here, already”, Sam questioned. “You look all fresh and crisp.”, It was more of a statement than a question. You gave him a questioning look and proceeded forward, following him.

“I got and vibration arm. I can take them.”, “And I can fly. Who gives a shit? Wait.” You wanted to laugh at their banter. “Can you both not talk for a moment and look out instead. We’re out numbered, if they are all super soldiers.”

“There’s an eighth person. I think they have a hostage.”

All three of you started chasing down, the trucks but they were not doing anything to stop you both and Sam who was way ahead.

“James, Sam, I think this is a trap, they’re not stopping us.” You ran picking up your speed with Bucky. “They have a hostage in there, Y/N. We got to rescue them.”

“James, we are literally running right into the open fire and they’re not even bothered to stop us, don’t you get it?”, He instead picked up speed getting into the truck where the hostage was. They still did not fire back at him, What the hell had this idiot gotten himself into?

This was like taking care of a two-year-old kid, wandering off into supermarket alleys.

“James, you idiot.”

You saw him swearing and being pulled up by people. You jumped on the truck with a thud, as he was struggling in by. Why was he even struggling in the first place? You needed to have your brain shut off. You saw them being tossed around like bags of flour from one truck to another.

You saw the girl approaching you, trying to hit you with a high blow as you dodged her blow and next thing that you found was you were lying on your stomach with the girl holding you down tightly. You were getting slow, before you knew you had a split lip, with metallic taste filling your mouth.

Pulling out your ankles, you pushed your body to your front creating gap in between, aiming at the girl’s stomach. Kicking the girl, she flung right onto the man approaching, knocking him down. Charging yourself at the men holding in Sam, you blocked their high blows yet again, charging at their vulnerable side, knocking him out of breath. You were controlling yourself as you did not want to use all your strength, killing him.  

“Looks like you guys could use some help.” , You heard someone yell as Sam was flung against the other super soldier holding him down. You kicked right at his abdomen knocking the guy out. Sam had amused look on his face. Bucky was holding the shield as if bounced off the target, seeing the shield once Steve held. Walker was putting up an impressive fight, against the flag smashers.

They were super soldiers; the U.S. Agent and Hoskins had no chance against them. Either of them was going to be severely injured. As Bucky was holding to one of the metal appendages, Sam signaled you to get off the vehicle, saying that he would handle Bucky. The next thing that you knew was, the U.S. Agent was being kicked off the roof. That was probably going to hurt. You had no reason to stay back, you jumped off the vehicle, with Bucky and Sam bickering all over again.

 You started walking down the as John Walker joined in. He was trying to make amends to form a group. You always knew where this would lead to. You thought that you were one of those people who never judged anyone, but here you were judging the man who looked like Steve. Him legitimately telling on hacking redwing and on how was indirectly showing his authority.

No wonder it was malfunctioning, whenever the military were repairing it.

The government had had a good PR for putting up a show like this, with Battlestar as Captain America’s black side kick.

U.S Agent was good, but based on his biography, he always had been in power. Unlike Steve, who was a scrawny little kid from Brooklyn as, Bucky would describe.

Good lord, stop comparing them.

U.S Agent was not enhanced, but he was ready to throw off the shield to save his friend’s life. He was a normal person and it was impressive seeing him fight and put up. You had no right to judge him but you were waiting for him to see his real side, once he was under pressure. This was just the beginning.

“It’d be a whole lot easier, if I had Cap’s wingmen on my side.”

Him calling both Bucky and Sam as Captain’s sidekicks, infuriated you more.  Neither Sam nor Bucky were Steve’s sidekick, they gave more priority to Steve and helped him out during hardest times. Something that no one would ever understand.  Steve always was dead-set on what he thought was right. It was never about him being Captain America and his authority.

“It is always that last line.” Sam was obviously heart broken. He scoffed as he got down, walking away.

“You had put up an impressive fight up there, Agent. There is one thing I would like to tell you is that, we’re all still grieving over Steve and you show up here, trying to make amends. No offense, it is not gonna work like that and for Falcon and the winter soldier, were never Captain America’s sidekicks.” You got off the van as you explained, it was not their fault.

“Agent L/N, mam, that was never our intention, I understand, it’s just that it would be better if we all fought together.” He was flipping around the situation. Why wouldn’t he understand. “Thanks for the ride, Agent.”, You started walking away. You were getting late.

“So, where are we going to eat? I’m hungry.” You signaled both Bucky and Sam to look at you as you communicated through sign-language, ‘You mentioned during all your missions that redwing was acting up. I think it is because they were trying to record. Manipulating a drone to transmit signal to more than one area, would make it all glitchy. They are tracking everything as we speak Sam, how did they know what you and Bucky were taking about.’

Both nodded in agreement. “Now common guys, where are we going now? Make up your mind.”

“I don’t know Y/N, it’s Bucky’s reign tonight, so he gets to choose.”, Sam was using sign language simultaneously signaling you that you would have to make him a new one again. Sign-language was something that you used often when you were on run, after the accords happened.

“I can’t believe you are saying this but whatever, I don’t care. I want to eat in all that greasy food,” You signaled him back saying back, ‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care.’

“No, I want to have spicy food in Indian restaurant, that is down the block, to the second right from the airport. No arguing.”, He eyes popped up, when he was signaling back, saying, ‘I’ll help you out, let me know.’

“Apparently, I’m going to sleep now, I’m exhausted.”, all three of you strolled around looking for the trackers and bugs finding, none. Once they were seated, you placed yourself behind the equipment’s box and laid out your palm as invisible energy grew out, scanning over the quinjet again. Finding one bug on the border of the floor, too camouflaged to notice. You showed it to them and stashed it into the equipment box.

Both Bucky and Sam had puzzled look on face but didn’t say anything. They were in midst of arguing on taking back the shield and so on. You would never understand, how tough it would be on them seeing someone else representing, what Steve had represented before. Bucky mentioned that they had to meet someone before.

“We are here to see Isiah.”, You all stood Infront of the porch of a small house that reminded you of Clint’s house. Apparently, Clint’s and Sarah’s houses were they only ones you properly knew about, a quiet life like this was what you always wanted.

“Tell him the guy from the bar in Goyang is here. He’ll know what that means.”, realization hit you like a ton of bricks. He was the Captain America, who was the most feared by HYDRA. “Bucky, --”, “I’ve to do this Y/N, just don’t interrupt in between. This is really important.”, He maintained eye-contact with you for solid five seconds, letting you know that he was sure.

“Isiah?”

Bucky introduced both of us to Isiah, it was awkward to say in the least. Seeing this legend in person was more intimidating that you ever thought that it would be.

“If by met, you mean I whopped your ass, then, yeah. We heard whispers he was on the peninsula, but everyone they sent after him, never came back. So, the U.S. military dropped me behind the line to go deal with him. I took half that metal arm in that fight in Goyang, but I see he’s managed to grow it back. I just wanted to see if he got the arm back. Or if he’d come to kill me.”

“I’m not a killer anymore.”, Bucky responded in certainty.

“You think you can wake up one day and decide who you want to be? It doesn’t work like that. Well, maybe it does for folks like you.” How could he say that?

“Do you really think that he did any of this under full conscious? How can you say that?”, you were in disbelief. Isiah looked at you but did not bother to respond back. You knew that you had to keep your mouth shut, to get work done here. Bucky tried explaining out to him on how there were super soldiers all over now.

“You and me.”, Isiah scoffed. You could visibly see the man tense up, as Bucky probed in.

“I’m not gonna talk about it anymore.”, he flung the metal box as it stuck to the wall across him. You were scared to be honest. You were seeing the legend right Infront of you. The confrontation had grown larger, resulting in kicking all of you outside the house.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Isaiah? How could nobody bring him up? I asked you a question, Bucky.”, you held your head low as you three walked down the road.

“Bucky, why didn’t you tell me beforehand that we were going to meet Isiah!”, Sam asked him further to gain insight.

“So, you’re telling me that there was a black Super Soldier decades ago and nobody knew about it?”, Sam asked in disbelief, as you heard sirens blaring.

“What’s up, man?”, Sam was confused

“Is there a problem here?”, police were enquiring. You knew where this would lead to. “No, we’re just talking.”, Sam explained back.

“We’re fine.”, Bucky assured them.

“Can I see both your IDs?”, the officer said pointing out both at Sam and you.

“I don’t have ID. Why?”, the officer kept picking up on Sam and you as he approached you.

“Give him your ID so we can leave.” You’ve got to be fucking kidding me

“No.” both of us simultaneously responded back. Not today. You were tired of being treated this way. People calling out as you walked down the streets, yelling you to go back to your own country. This was the real world. You realised that privilege was a real thing because, this was one of the closest encounters that you ever had.

Next thing that you knew was Bucky was being arrested for skipping the therapy.  You were drained at this point.

“Hey you okay?”, Sam asked looking concerned.

“I am, I am.”, you replied. “I’m sorry Sam. I’m really sorry that I misjudged your actions when you gave up the shield. I only looked from Steve’s and Bucky’s perspective, I’m really sorry. Having first-hand encounter up this close.” you hugged him before he could say anything, not wanting him to see you cry.

“I-I’m sorry I have not been truthful to you. I knew that Isiah was a legend, he was HYDRA’s most feared. I honestly even thought about him coming and destroying the base I was living so that, I could end up things for once and all. I’m sorry that I didn’t talk about a lot of things.”, you didn’t deserve him, you never told him about your powers all these years, it was time for you to.

“Hey- Hey, look at me. Its okay. Everything is going to be okay. I forgive you. I’m not Goody in two shoes either, I shouldn’t have avoided you.”, he said holding you by your face as warmth radiated off his skin. He shoed his toothy grin at you, but you had to tell him.

“Sam, I-I’ve to tell you something,” as he held you by your shoulder. “Look we will handle it once we get Bucky out okay?” Okay, then this had to wait.

It was John walker again. He was the one who bailed out Bucky. Honestly, seeing him everywhere was getting on your nerves. There he was back again ordering you both to come and meet him along with Bucky once the session was over.

Dr. Raynor told you to wait outside, as she ordered Sam to join in the session. You knew how it was going to be, you had couples therapy with Bucky before, it was not the greatest but he opened up to you even more. Or if that was what you thought, it’d be.

You never knew that meeting up with some random guy whom you never knew before, would irk you out so much. He again tried broach in, on how it would be better if we were a team. Not happening. Bucky, baited and Sam tried convincing him and politely told off on how they would not workout.

“A word of advice, then. Stay the hell out of my way.”, you almost smirked at him. This aspect of yours always felt sadistic to you. He was in a lot of pressure but he helped bailing out Bucky. You were grateful, at the same time.

You three walked out of the restaurant, finding out that the Flag smashers had indeed escaped. “Well, I know what we have to do. When Isaiah said ‘my people’, he meant HYDRA and I know who to meet.” Bucky sighed.

Sam disagreed,” Why don’t we bring in Wanda?”, he hadn’t known what had happened to Wanda.

“Sam, Bucky, Wanda is not in any state to help us. S-She.”, how will you reveal this to them now? It was your fault for not telling them any sooner.

We should have asked Wanda back during 2016, before Zemo was put into prison.” You were getting nervous to tell them the truth.

“Y/N, what is it?”, Sam probed in. This is not going to end well. Shit. You took them to an alley and scanned around with invisible ripples of energy radiating out, to find out nothing suspicious.

“Uh- Wanda was grieving over Vision and she used her sub-conscious to create alternate reality.”, you waited but they were more confused.

“I came to know when FBI Agent Jimmy Woo contacted me and they soon found out that she created a border using Cosmic Microwave background radiation and somehow wiped-out memories of the town existing amongst the other surrounding town.”, you didn’t want to talk about it, but you had to.

“But how did they know it was her?”, Bucky asked.

“They didn’t. I did, CMBR is the radiation that existed when the universe was first created, meaning it was from one of the infinity stones. Wanda is a direct source of this energy.”, you explained feeling more nervous.

“I straight away contacted Pietro and Strange to come over so that we could just solve it ourselves. Unfortunately, both Pietro and me got pulled in by the Hex and we somehow managed pull to get out Wanda.”, You didn’t want to tell them about Agatha, how you were pulled into 50s out of nowhere, thank god you had called Wong and Dr. Strange assisted into helping to get rid of Agatha. Wanda’s mind control was one of the most terrifying things, than that of HYDRA.

“Long story short, she’s safe now. Under Dr. Strange’s assistance she is attending therapy sessions and she has her brother on her side. I’m afraid that she cannot help us.”, you looked down at your shoes.

“Are you kidding me Y/N? You could’ve told anyone of us about this. We could’ve helped you.”, Sam told in disbelief.

“No, you can’t. Both of you can’t. it’s not possible. She was not even herself. Wanda morally stopped using mind control after Sokovia happened. She knew how it impacted us. Strange had told her that she was losing her own conscious and that she was using chaos magic.”, you sensed someone coming over. “Someone’s coming over. We need to leave now.”

“but I don’t hear anyone.”, Bucky chimed in and stopped once he heard footsteps.

“So, were going to see Zemo again.”, Sam told being all quiet again. Both needed some time, you had to wait now.

Next part

[st-crylo]

Rebound

Part 2

A/N: I’m gonna try to keep this updated weekly, especially since the response to it has been so good :,). Thank you guys so much, I really appreciate y’all for taking time to read my fics!!

Warnings: mostly just swearing, alcohol mention, tobacco use, infidelity

Word Count: 6.2K

Tagging:@haylaansmi @nankstasty @thomasscresswell

Masterlist

As you walked through the door, you saw your mom waiting for you in the kitchen, reading some article in a magazine. When she heard the door close, she looked up and smiled at you.

“How was the first day back?” she asked, a little too enthusiastically.

“Not terrible. Made some new friends,” you replied before heading up the stairs to your room, trying to avoid any more questions. You didn’t want to have to lie to your mom about the new friends you’d made, especially since she saw Kylo how everyone else did. 

Closing the door to your room, you heaved a sigh before throwing your backpack onto the ground, and plopping down on your bed, pulling out your phone to see an email. Curious, you opened the notification, then groaned when you saw who the sender was.

(y/n), we really need to talk. I understand that you probably have me blocked, so I had to go to drastic measures. As much as there is I want to say to you, a lot of it can’t be said over an email. However, I do think you should know that I really don’t think you should be hanging out with Ben Solo. He’s not the kind of person someone like you should hang around, and he’s nothing more than a common criminal. I’m only looking out for you. I love you, Shawn.

You wanted to throw your phone across the room, scream at the top of your lungs, and maybe break something. The rage inside you was boiling hot, and you felt like a kettle, left on the stove too long. What kind of desperate asshole decides an email is a great way to contact the girl you cheated on? Why did he even expect a response from you? Most importantly, how dare he claim to love you. The whole thing had you heated, but you held your composure as you deleted the email, and pulled the little slip of paper with Kylo’s number on it out. 

You stared at the number, and thought about Kylo’s idea. If you were being completely honest, Shawn’s email made you consider it more seriously. After all, it was obvious that the idea of you even hanging around Kylo set something off in him. If the two of you were to “date,” he would probably lose his shit. Admittedly, the idea of watching Shawn implode like that would be kinda fun. 

At the same time, you didn’t know this person. Not Kylo, you’d known him so long, even though today seemed more like a reintroduction instead of a reunion. No, you weren’t sure you knew who you were. You’d never wished ill upon someone like this, and certainly never considered going through with something so major in order to upset someone. That had never really been your style, and you’d always looked down at people who did stuff like that.

But did you really know yourself at all?

You’d been with Shawn for three years, all of high school, really. Those were the most formative years of your life, and they’d been shaped by your boyfriend. Were you really this suburban good girl, who only had good friends, had never even been to a high school party, and certainly never rebelled against even her parents? Or were those things that Shawn had shaped you to be? After all, the more you thought about it, the more you realised his opinions had affected a lot of the way you acted. So now, you were left at an impasse. Were you really who you’d acted as your first three years of high school, or were you someone else entirely that you’d never gotten to discover?

You created a contact for Kylo on your phone, and typed up a message.

What exactly would us “dating” entail?

You started at the screen of your phone as you watched the dots appear as Kylo started texting back. There was a little bit of anxiety in your chest, but the idea of “dating” Kylo filled you with a sense of thrill as well. 

We wouldn’t be “dating” right away. We’d pretend to flirt for a while and then start dating. Do basic couple shit at school, but especially wherever him or his little friends can see.

Made sense. It wouldn’t be smart to jump straight to dating, that would be too suspicious. Admittedly, you weren’t entirely sure how to flirt, but you were sure you could get some advice somewhere. You pulled up your keyboard to respond.

We should also make sure to go on dates, too. That way, we can convince your parents we’re dating too. 

After all, Kylo had to have something in it as well, and he said he wanted to convince his parents he was improving. 

Shit, I forgot about that. I’ll have to bring you around Gran and Granpa too, if that’s okay with you.

Yeah, that’s fine. 

So is that a yes?

You thought for a moment. Was this really the decision you wanted to make? Then, you thought about the picture, and thought about the email.

Hell yeah.

***

The next morning, you didn’t have to fight so hard to get out of bed. You actually took the time to throw on some jeans instead of leggings. Most importantly, your heart didn’t feel so heavy. It was like you finally had an inkling of hope in the form of revenge. Looking out of your bedroom window, you noticed how the sky was still overcast, but there was no rain. However, just to be on the safe side, you threw on your jacket and made sure to bring your umbrella. 

Walking down the steps, you peeked into the kitchen from the top of the stairs, making sure the coast was clear before continuing your descent. Your dad was there, sipping his morning coffee and reading something on his phone, but your mom was nowhere in sight. Letting out a small sigh of relief, you continued down the stairs, noticing your lunch bag and a small note on the island.

“Morning, (y/n),” your dad said, not looking up from his phone. 

“Morning,” you responded before picking up the note. 

Morning, dear. I had to head to work early today, but I went ahead and packed your lunch. Have a good day at school! Love, mom.

A small frown pulled the corners of your mouth down a little. You loved your mom, but she had been trying too hard to cheer you up instead of letting you simply wallow in your misery for a couple of days. You neatly folded the note and put it in your pocket before taking your lunch off the counter. 

“Bye, dad,” you said as you headed for the front door. Your dad gave you a final wave goodbye before you opened the door, heading out into the world.

Unsurprisingly, Kylo was sitting there, presumably waiting for you as he leaned against the back of his Mustang, smoking his morning cigarette. He must’ve been out there for a while, because he dropped the butt onto the ground before stomping it out and picking it back up. When he came back up, he noticed you and smiled.

“Want another ride?” He asked, standing straight and running a hand through his long hair. 

“Beats walking,” you said, walking up to the Skywalker driveway and climbing into the car as Kylo threw his cigarette butt away. Kylo climbed in next, starting the car as soon as he closed the door.  

“So my uncle told Gran and Granpa that you and I have been hanging out,” Kylo started as he pulled out of the driveway. “Can you believe they already want you over for dinner?”

You shook your head with a smile on your face. Even though they were your next door neighbors, you hadn’t really spoken to Kylo’s grandparents. “Sounds like fun. When?”

“Friday,” Kylo responded

You simply nodded in response before staring out of the passenger window. Then, you remembered.

“Do you want to hear about something Shawn sent to me yesterday?” you asked, turning to Kylo. He furrowed his brows in confusion as he glanced at you from his peripherals. 

“Did you not block him?” he asked, the same confusion he wore on his face mixed into his tone.

“No, I did. He sent me this through email, if you can believe it,” you said.

“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” he replied.

You recalled the contents of the email to the best of your ability, and as you did, you watched Kylo’s knuckles slowly turn white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. 

“And after all of that, he has the nerve to say he loves me? After everything he’s put me through, he has the balls to say he loves me? Apparently not, if he’s perfectly okay sticking his tongue down some other girl’s throat,” you said with an angry huff, as tears threatened to fall. They weren’t sad tears, however. No, these were the tears of pure unbridled rage that only became realized when you talked about the situation out loud. It was weird, but admittedly the feeling was welcome. You were tired of being sad, and angry was a much better improvement. At least with anger you could stop moping around.

“I hate that shit,” Kylo commented as he stopped at the red light at the end of the neighborhood. “They always try to tell you they love you, but if they loved you they wouldn’t have cheated in the first place. Fuck that.” 

“My sentiments exactly.” There was another good thing about Kylo; he could relate to you. You knew that none of your friends had ever been cheated on before, so it was a lot harder to talk to them about it. Kylo, though, he knew the pain, the resentment, everything. He would know exactly how you were feeling and not make any judgments-not that he would do it whether or not he’d experienced it anyways. It was such a different change of scenery, it was honestly refreshing. 

Not that you didn’t love your friends, you treasured them dearly. There was just something about knowing someone who’d had the same experiences as you.

The light turned green and Kylo drove forward into the school parking lot, maneuvering into his spot. When he placed the car in park, there was a small ding from his phone, and he grabbed it, checking the notification.

“Milo’s gonna drop Sami and Alan off, so they’re gonna hang with us before class. Means you can meet Milo,” Kylo said before texting a reply. You didn’t know why, but you had a really good feeling about Milo. After all, he was a friend of Kylo’s. 

It was about five minutes later when a grey Honda Civic pulled up beside the two of you. Needless to say, that was not what you were expecting. You watched as Sami and Alan stepped out of the Honda Civic, followed by who you assumed was Milo.

He was maybe an inch taller than Kylo, his hair bleached white with dark brown barely peeking out at the roots of his hair. He had a cigarette between his lips, and you wondered if that was where Kylo had picked up the habit. When Kylo rolled down your window, he leaned against the car and peered in through the window while Alan and Sami climbed into the backseat behind the driver’s seat. Once they were in the back, Kylo set the seat back, settling in and closing the door. 

“You must be (y/n),” he said, holding out his hand to you. You shook his hand and smiled up at him.

“That’s me,” you answered before dropping your hand onto your lap. 

“So, are we still on for Friday?” Milo asked, turning to Kylo. Kylo frowned before letting out a sigh.

“Shit, I forgot. Told my grandparents that me and (y/n) would have dinner with them. If you wanna go later though, I can probably sneak out,” Kylo responded, running a hand through his hair.

“That’s fine, just don’t get caught. Wanna come along too, (y/n)? Sami, Alan, Phasma, and Pat are coming,” Milo said, turning back to you.

“Where exactly?” you asked, turning to Kylo.

“Jordan’s place, she graduated with Milo. She’s having a kickback before heading to Coruscant for college,” Kylo explained.

“I don’t want to intrude,” you started, a little uncomfortable about being invited to the house of someone you didn’t know.

“If you go, Kylo might not have to sneak out,” Sami suggested from the back. “Besides, Jordan’s really chill, I think you’d like her.”

“How would her going with me make it to where I don’t have to sneak out?” Kylo asked, turning around to face Sami.

“Well, no one really expects (y/n) to go to a party. She could just tell your grandparents that the two of you are going to study,” Sami offered. As you thought it over, it was a pretty decent idea. You didn’t really have the party reputation, and everyone knew it. 

“I’m game,” you answered. Kylo looked at you with a look of surprise, but simply shrugged as he pulled out a cigarette from the box.

“Sick. I’ll see you Friday then. I gotta go, I have a shift in thirty minutes. See ya, Alan, bye babe!” Milo said before blowing a kiss to Sami. She smiled back at him and waved goodbye as he climbed back into his car, driving off out of the parking lot.

“Oh, (y/n), you might wanna tell your parents you’re staying at my place on Friday night,” Sami said as Kylo lit his cigarette. “Jordan usually has drinks at her ‘kickbacks.’” You nodded as you looked back at her.

“So did he ask you yet?” came Alan’s voice, his eyes refusing to leave the screen of his phone.

“As a matter of fact,” Kylo said after taking the first drag of his cig. “I did. Me and (y/n) are planning to ‘date.’ And Sami thought I wouldn’t have the balls.” He blew the smoke out of the window, before taking another drag.

“I never said that,” Sami said with a frown. “I just said that your explanation of your plan seemed a little lacking. I’m glad you agreed, though, (y/n). Shawn’s a piece of shit.” 

“You’re telling me,” you said as you let out a sigh. “Can’t wait to see the look on his smug little face when I start ‘dating’ someone he hates. Wasn’t aware that Kylo shared his plan with everyone, though.” A small flush arose in Kylo’s cheeks, and he didn’t make eye contact with you.

“You would be surprised, when he’s not being an emo prick, he won’t shut the fuck up,” Alan added, looking up with a smirk. Kylo looked back at him with his brows furrowed. 

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kylo huffed out. He finished up the last of his cigarette before checking the clock. It was 8:00 already.

“Shit, let’s get going, punks,” Sami said, lightly kicking the back of Kylo’s seat.

“Fuck, I’m getting out. Hand me my bag,” Kylo said as he tossed the cigarette butt into the car’s ashtray. Without warning, a black backpack went flying towards Kylo and hit him on the chest. “Fuck you, Sami.” He grabbed his bag by the straps and stepped out of the car, bringing the seat forward so Sami and Alan could climb out. You stepped out of the car and closed the door behind you, putting your backpack onto your shoulders while you waited for everyone to step out. Kylo walked forward first and you fell into step beside him.

As the four of you walked into the building, you could feel people turn to stare at you, and you remembered your reputation. You weren’t the kind of girl to hang out with Kylo Ren and his ilk, you were one of the good girls. A small voice in the back of your head resented that. 

Alan split off pretty quickly, bidding his farewell before heading to his first class. Sami was next, saying she wanted to be early to art, so she said her goodbye before speeding away. 

“Guess I’ll see you at lunch,” Kylo said as the two of you parted, and you headed for your econ class. 

Much like yesterday, the pace of which your first two classes moved was painfully slow. You weren’t surprised, the first day of actual class was horrible, but you tried to stay focused and take notes. Whenever you got distracted, though, you kept thinking about the plan you and Kylo had established. It felt like the perfect revenge, “dating” someone Shawn hated. However, the more you thought about it, the more you wondered why exactly Shawn hated Kylo. Kylo had said it was because he’d punched Shawn, but you felt like there was something there that you were missing, some truth that Kylo didn’t want to say.

You couldn’t worry about it too much, though. It was Kylo’s business, and you didn’t want to pry if he didn’t want to tell you exactly what had happened. You definitely weren’t going to go to Shawn for the reason, and you doubted that Shawn would tell you the truth anyways, so it would have to remain an unsolved mystery in your mind. 

Lunch could not have come sooner, and as you flowed into the cafeteria with the rest of the people who had third lunch, you looked around for your new group of friends. You saw Phasma first, who waved at you to come over to her. As you walked closer, you watched as she stepped out to the outdoor seating, and you followed, noticing everyone else sitting there too. There were only a handful of other groups outside as well, so it was much more quiet and calm than being in the loud cafeteria. 

“Man, Mr. Jinn’s class is kicking my ass,” you heard Alan say as you sat down between Phasma and Kylo.

“How, it’s only the second day of classes?” Phasma asked before biting into a roll. 

“Have you ever had Mr. Jinn’s class, Phasma?” Kylo asked, putting a bookmark in the book he was reading.

“No.”

“Then don’t say shit. He’s a cool guy, but damn he gives a lot of homework. Alan, if you need help, don’t come to me,” Kylo said, leaning against the table. Alan frowned as he looked up at Kylo.

“Wow, thanks, Kylo, you’re such a hero,” he quipped. 

“So, (y/n), how was the beginning of your second day?” Sami asked, pushing aside her untouched lunch as she leaned forward to talk to you.

“It was alright, but I’m getting tired of people staring at me,” you responded. Even though you’d tried your hardest to focus, the whispers were still hard to ignore. It almost felt like you were being punished for Shawn’s actions.

“People don’t know how to mind their own goddamn business,” Phasma stated. “They just want shit to gossip about. When you’re not the fresh gossip anymore, they’ll all but forget you exist.” 

“I can’t wait for that to happen. I’m tired of hearing rumors about something involving me. Especially since I basically don’t know shit,” you admitted. This caused Sami to raise her eyebrows.

“How do you mean? If you don’t mind, of course.” For a second, you pondered on whether or not you wanted to talk about it, but your doubt washed away pretty quickly. It was amazing how comfortable you felt around these people. You did look around the courtyard though, to make sure there was no one there that you didn’t want to hear what you were talking about. When you decided the coast was clear, you let out a sigh before you spoke.

“Well, on Thursday, I was sent a picture,” you started, feeling the pang in your chest, but not as fiercely as you did yesterday. “It was of Shawn making out with some girl. I’m guessing it was one of his friends who sent it to me, but it wasn’t from a number I had saved. I’m also assuming that whoever it was that sent the picture also sent it to a lot of people. I got a lot of messages that night from people I’d maybe spoken to once about what happened, but the thing is, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t want Shawn’s explanation, because I didn’t think he’d be truly honest, and I wasn’t sure who to ask about it. Shawn’s friends would probably defend him.”

Sami’s face turned to one of deep thought, as if she was trying to solve some kind of puzzle. 

“Did you think about texting the sender?” Alan asked. When he said it, you felt kind of dumb for not thinking about it.

“I did not,” you admitted.

“I can write something up for you,” Sami offered. “That way you don’t have to look at the picture again.” You shrugged, and handed your phone to Sami, who took it in her hands, bringing it close to her face. She tapped on what you assumed was the conversation with the sender, and for a moment, you could have sworn there was shock in her eyes. If it had been there, it didn’t last, as her face instantly went back to the one of thought. She hesitated a moment, then started typing away.

“How does this sound: Hey, I want to thank you for sending this. Do you mind telling me how you came upon this picture?” She said aloud.

“Yeah, that sounds fine,” you said. Sami tapped the screen again, sending the message, before handing your phone back to you. A part of you felt a little anxious. On the one hand, you wanted to know the story behind the photo, but at the same time, you wanted to remain willfully ignorant. It mostly branched from a fear inside you that he’d been cheating for a long time. 

However, the rest of lunch passed, and you hadn’t received any messages. While it was a little relieving, it still added on to the anxiety that had settled in the pit of your stomach. You tried to ignore it though, as you and Kylo headed to physics, the two of you walking in a comfortable silence. 

When you got to Mr. Windu’s class, the two of you took your seats, while people whispered from around the room.

“Can you believe she’s hanging out with him now?”

“She really shouldn’t lower her standards like that just because of what happened.”

The last one had you whipping around, trying to find the person who said it. Everyone looked away when you did, though, so there was no clear suspect, but it didn’t prevent you from glaring at everyone around the room. At least, you did until you saw Shawn walk in. Once you caught even the slightest glimpse out of the corner of your eye, you turned back around, boiling in your anger.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kylo said softly, unbothered by the whispers. “I’m the town disappointment, of course they’re going to say that.” You looked up at Kylo and frowned. 

“What makes them so holy to pass judgement like that? I’m sure they’ve all done fucked up shit too, their parents just aren’t as in the spotlight as yours,” you huffed out as Mr. Windu began to take roll. 

When Mr. Windu’s lecture started, you were your normal studious self, taking detailed notes and making sure to get any equations down. Every once in a while, you would look over to Kylo’s notes and noticed the bare minimum of notes being taken. At one point, you looked at him incredulously. He simply shrugged before writing in the margins of your notes.

I’ve always been good at science. You let out a small huff of air before writing back.

Lucky. Kylo smiled before looking back up at the board, where Mr. Windu was writing another equation. 

When the bell rang, you quickly shoved your stuff into your backpack, and waited for Kylo so the two of you could get to fourth block. Once Kylo had his stuff packed, the two of you were off. You were free, at least that was what you thought. The notion of freedom disappeared when you felt a hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks, and for Kylo to stop as well. Turning around, you had to resist the incredible urge to punch Shawn in the face.

“You haven’t been responding to my messages,” he stated. He was obviously trying to sound hurt, but you could hear that hint of anger in his voice. It was something you were familiar with, but it was weird for it to be directed at you.

“Fuck off, Alvarez,” Kylo said, stepping forward, his figure looming over you. You looked up at Kylo and shook your head. 

“I don’t remember asking your opinion, Solo,” Shawn said, trying to puff out his chest. It was kind of funny to see, honestly, because he was at least six inches shorter than Kylo. Despite how funny a part of you found Shawn’s response, though, you stepped between them. 

“Have you considered that the reason I haven’t responded to you is because I don’t give a fuck about what you have to say?” You finally said, crossing your arms as you looked at Shawn. Looking at him straight on like this for the first time in a week was causing your stomach to churn, and your heart to clench, but you were tired, in every sense of the word. You just wanted to be left alone to deal with your emotions, and not have him harassing you every three seconds.

“You have to let me explain myself-” he started, but you let out a laugh, one of those laughs that dripped of sarcasm and anger.

“I don’t have to let you do shit. You cheated on me, end of story. Please, just leave me alone,” you said before turning around and walking off. After a few seconds, you heard Kylo begin to follow you, catching up to you with ease and falling into step beside you, not saying a word. You appreciated that, as you were trying your hardest not to cry. As much as you thought your anger had taken over your sadness, it was really just a blanket. At this moment, it felt like you were shriveling from the inside, and anything said to you would immediately cause you to start sobbing. It was a special kind of hurt, being cheated on. So many emotions ran through your head, but the one that remained in your heart always lingered; why weren’t you enough?

The two of you walked into fourth block not but two minutes before the bell rang. You took the same seat you sat in yesterday, and settled in your seat, breathing deeply to keep yourself calm. You saw Sami and Phasma both look at Kylo, confused looks on their faces. Kylo merely shook his head before pulling out a notebook. Taking one final deep breath, you did the same, sitting straight as you waited for Mr. Skywalker to call roll.

Once he’d done so, he picked up a crate, placing it on the desk nearest to him.

“Alright, go ahead, come up, and grab your copy of Beowulf,” he said.

“I’ll get them.” Kylo said as he stood, walking up to the crate and waiting behind your other classmates as he waited to grab the books. When he came back, he handed a book to each of you, and you gave him a half smile. It was all you could really manage, but Kylo matched it with a little more enthusiasm than you. 

Once everyone had their books, Mr. Skywalker decided to go into the history of Beowulf. However, during his explanation, you began to zone out. You really just wanted to go home, curl up in your room, and sleep until tomorrow came. You did feel a hand tap you, and you turned to Kylo, who was holding out a slip of paper to you, while keeping his eyes on the board. You took the folded paper from his hand, and opened it up. On the paper were two phone numbers, the top one being Phasma’s, and the lower being Sami’s. You typed both into your phone and sent a simple “hey” to each number. Sami responded back.

You okay?

With a sigh, you started typing on your keyboard.

Yeah, just had a run-in with my ex. You watched Sami out of the corner of your eye as she read your message and responded.

Shit, I’m sorry. She then sent a picture of a ridiculously fat cat, which actually did make you smile. 

The rest of class passed by pretty quickly, even after the class started the beginning of the poem aloud, which, like anyone else, you had to admit was the worst part of class. When Mr. Skywalker had decided the class had done enough reading, everyone began to pack up as they waited for the final bell to ring to let them out of class. Phasma and Sami both turned around in their seats to strike conversation for the last few minutes of class. 

“Glad that’s over,” Phasma said, frowning. “Why do we have to read aloud in the first place?”

“Torture,” Sami said sagely. “We’re meant to suffer.”

“Pretty sure it’s so that people can gain confidence reading aloud and speaking in front of a crowd,” Kylo said as he leaned back in his seat, looking at his phone.

“What academic input, truly an improvement for such a delinquent,” Phasma quipped, causing Kylo to look up from his phone, eyebrows raised, before returning to staring at the screen. “So, I heard you’re coming to Jordan’s on Friday.” Phasma now turned to you.

“Yeah. I’m actually pretty excited,” you said, leaning forward to feel more present in the conversation. 

“As you should be, Jordan knows how to have fun,” Sami said, making herself sound like an expert in the subject of Jordan. You laughed as the bell rang, standing up and stretching before slinging your backpack onto your shoulder. You watched as Finn, Poe, Rey, and Rose all walked by, waving at you as they went. You waved back to each of them, but frowned a little once they’d passed. You hadn’t really spoken to them much since Thursday, and you felt kinda bad about it. You would talk to them tonight, you decided. 

Soon, the four of you filed out of the classroom, walking at a comfortable pace as Kylo and Phasma walked together, talking about skating. You and Sami walked side by side in silence, until Sami leaned closer to you, so that the two in front of you couldn’t hear.

“I think I know who the girl in the picture is. Text me when you get home,” she said before drifting away again. You felt your chest tighten, but you only nodded, deciding to change the subject.

“I’m gonna tell my mom I’m staying at your place Friday night when I get home. She’s a little weird about sleepovers, so she might want to talk to you,” you said as your group reached the front of the school. 

“Hey, I can probably just tell my grandparents that the three of us are gonna study at your place,” Kylo offered. 

“Yeah, that works. After all, I am the only one of your friends who hasn’t wound up with the title ‘delinquent,’” Sami quipped. Kylo gave a frown in response, before stopping in front of the entrance to the school. 

“Well, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Kylo said. The two of you waved goodbye before heading to Kylo’s car. There was silence at first as the two of you climbed into the car, and Kylo started the engine, but it was broken with a sigh from Kylo.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. If Shawn’s just gonna harass you for even being around me, it isn’t really worth it,” he said, pulling out of his parking spot. You couldn’t help but let out your own sigh.

“That’s not the reason he’s harassing me,” you started. “He’s harassing me because he thinks he can still control me, and convince me that he didn’t mean it. Honestly, the easiest way to get him to leave me alone is if we stick to the plan.” It was a frustrating realization, but it was certainly true. If Shawn thought you had moved on, he was probably more likely to leave you alone. Sure, he’d probably have some choice words to say about you, but you seriously doubted that he’d say them to your face. 

The rest of the drive home was spent with the music loud, Kylo occasionally singing along softly. When the two of you pulled into the driveway, you waited before stepping out, and turned to Kylo.

“Thanks for sticking up for me again. You really don’t have to do that,” you said. Kylo shook his head and ran a hand through his ebony hair.

“You’re my friend, (y/n). I’ll always stick up for you,” he responded before turning the car off. You gave him a small smile before opening the door.

“See you in the morning,” you said before stepping out.

“See ya, bright and early,” he responded with a smirk. You shook your head as you turned to head to your house.

Upon walking in the door, you saw your mom sitting at the dining room table. She was looking at what looked to be some documents from work, but she looked up when you closed the door, and gave you a warm smile. 

Here goes, you thought to yourself before returning her smile, and walking up to the table.

“How was your day, honey?” she asked, shifting her attention to you. 

“It was good. Actually, my friend Sami invited me to stay at her place on Friday,” you responded. You actually felt a lot of anxiety in your chest, but you were trying your hardest not to let it show. You’d never really lied to your parents like this before, and it was strange for that to start your senior year, but you actually really wanted to go. The opportunity to hang out with your new set of friends, not to mention Kylo, was so exciting.

“Oh, is this that new friend you were talking about yesterday?” she asked. It almost looked like there was a great deal of happiness in her eyes. They practically lit up, and you couldn’t really say you blamed her. After all, after you’d gotten home on Thursday, you had shut yourself in your room, refusing to come out. Making new friends and being invited to one of their houses? It was definitely an upgrade. 

“Yeah. She’s really cool, and she’s trying to get into art school,” you said, smiling at your mom.

“Alright, but I want you to message me throughout the night. Are you gonna head home with her that night?” Your heart dropped at that. You hadn’t mentioned anything about Kylo- obviously- and you were supposed to be having dinner with the Skywalkers on Friday as well. There really was no point in lying about that, it would be too easy to get caught.

“Actually, I’m supposed to have dinner with the Skywalkers next door that night, too. I’ve been getting rides from Ben, and his grandparents invited me to dinner,” you said, waiting for shit to hit the fan. Surprisingly, your mother’s face didn’t turn red, but she did frown.

“I don’t know about you hanging around with Ben Solo…” you could tell she was trying to be delicate, but there was no mistaking in her voice that she felt the same way about him that all the parents did. You knew another lie was needed in this scenario too.

“He has been giving me rides, and they really just want us to be friends because they think I’ll make him be a little more responsible. But he did offer to take me to Sami’s house too. I promise, when I get there, I’ll take a picture with Sami and send it to you,” you said. You could see the cogs turning over in her head as she thought it over. When she finally let out a sigh, you knew she had relented.

“Alright, but I want to see you after dinner, before you leave for Sami’s, okay?” she said. You smiled and nodded before turning on your heels, heading for the stairs.

“I’m gonna go ahead and get started on dinner,” she called as you practically skipped up the stairs. 

When you got into your room, you let your backpack fall to the ground before plopping onto your bed and pulling your phone. You had two messages. One was from Sami, and you remembered what she had told you earlier. With a pang in your chest, your excitement for Friday extinguished, you decided to look at the other message.

It was from the sender of the picture.

[ecthelions]

Hey everyone! It’s been a long time, but I finally want to share with you all a project I’ve been working on for the past couple of weeks. 

I know there aren’t many of us left, but it’s isolation times, and I lost my job, so I figured it was as good a time as any to rewrite my old tattoo artist/florist AU! (Eden)

Looking back, there were a lot of things wrong with it, and a lot of things I wished I had done differently, so I just went ahead and scrapped it all to rewrite it from the very beginning.

Anyway, I’ve written 20k so far, and officially deleted the original fic from ao3. 

Here’s a little excerpt if anyone would like to read it - this part is from chapter 4 and Bard and Thranduil have known each other for a little over a week by this point. Let me know what you think! I plan on writing the whole thing before publishing to make sure it’s perfect, but I’m happy to keep people updated if they’re interested, whether it’s on tumblr, twitter, or the barduil discord ♡  

   The rain from that morning seemed to be threatening a savage return and Thranduil tugged at the collar of his shirt to stay the cold wind. Bard was already waiting for him at the café.

   “How long do you have for lunch?” he asked, opening the door.

   “I’ll go back when I’m needed, but I’ve got time,” Thranduil said.

   He did not miss Bard’s small smile as they entered.

   It was crowded, as usual, but only with passers-by on their usual coffee runs. Bard and Thranduil made an order and then sidled into chairs at one of the many empty tables by the window.

   “Do you know if you can come to the art show on Saturday?” Bard queried, grabbing a salt shaker to fiddle with as he spoke.

   “Oh, yeah, I can. What time is it again?” Thranduil had left the flyer on the fridge at home.

   “Seven-thirty. I’ll pick you up and we can go together,” Bard said.

   Outside, the rain arrived. It was warm in the coffee shop, and Bard’s leg stuck out comfortably under the table. Thranduil brushed it with his foot every time he shifted in his chair, but Bard did not move. He was watching the droplets of rain chasing each other down the window, and Thranduil took the moment to observe the little tattoo that was inked just above his right eyebrow. It said ‘hopeless.’

   Bard’s eyes flicked to Thranduil suddenly and Thranduil didn’t have time to look away. He hadn’t really been subtle.

   “Sorry,” he muttered.

   “Is it this one?” Bard said, touching his eyebrow, as if trying to feel the tattoo. “It’s the only one I actually regret.”

   Their coffees arrived. Mithrellas set them on the table with a clink and lingered just a bit longer than was really necessary.

   “You do have… a lot,” Thranduil continued when she was gone. To have only one tattoo to regret was quite an achievement considering Bard was practically more ink than skin.

   “Yeah. Can’t say I get used to people staring at me,” Bard said, emptying a sugar packet into his mug. “But that’s okay. I do it for me.”

   “What do your kids think?” Thranduil asked.

   Bard took a drink before answering. “I don’t think they really see me any other way. Even Sigrid. She’s the oldest, but not by enough to remember me before I had tattoos. My ex-wife doesn’t like it, though. She thinks I look like a criminal.”

   Thranduil frowned. He didn’t get that impression from Bard at all, not even when he’d first walked into the flower shop. He was so good-natured and easy-going from the moment you set eyes on him. Thranduil barely even knew Bard, but he thought that judgement was a bit unfair, especially coming from someone who did know him.

   “She’s an idiot,” Thranduil finally said.

   Bard barked a laugh. “She’s not all bad.”

   “Have you been separated long?” Thranduil hoped it was too impertinent a question.

   “Nearly two years,” Bard said. His leg bumped against Thranduil’s under the little table. “We did everything young. People weren’t even surprised when we split.”

   “How young were you?”

   “We were seventeen when Sigrid was born. Got married right out of high school; all that fun stuff. But we called it quits about a year after Tilda was born. It just became too... empty.”

   “I’m sorry,” said Thranduil.

   Bard shrugged. “It’s no one’s fault. She’s already found someone new, anyway.”

   “And you?”

   Bard blinked at Thranduil, his brown eyes wandering over him before catching his gaze.

   “Not yet.”

   A swell of heat rushed to Thranduil’s throat and he picked up his drink to hide his face. He couldn’t tell if Bard was being direct or evasive, and didn’t know which way he would rather have it. Thranduil hadn’t taken a liking to anyone since he was a teenager, and it occurred to him in that moment just how out of practice he was when it came to flirting and picking up other people’s hints.

   He decided perhaps he was reading into it too much. There was no need to get his hopes up.

   “Can I ask you a personal question?” Bard said, breaking the silence before it became too heavy between them. The coffee shop had mostly emptied now, with only half a dozen other people enjoying lunch around them.

   “You can try,” Thranduil said lightly, put back on his guard. He always did keep his cards close to his chest, but he thought he might make an exception for Bard.

   “Do you find it hard being a single parent?”

   It was a fair enough question, Thranduil thought. He had honestly been expecting something more intrusive, so he appreciated it for what it was.

   “I do,” he said, wrapping his hands around his coffee cup. “But it’s not the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

   “Okay. I’m glad it’s not just me, then,” Bard said.

   Outside, the rain came down in sheets, lashing down the road as people ducked into shops for cover. Thranduil checked his phone, but there was thankfully no message from Haldir.

   “So, um, what kind of art do you do?” Thranduil scrambled to keep the conversation going, afraid for Bard to lose interest.

   He seemed to perk up at the change of subject. “I mostly do black work at the shop, but I’ve been experimenting with watercolour for the art show. Wanna see?”

   Thranduil nodded eagerly and Bard pulled out his phone. They leaned closer to one another across the table so Bard could pick and choose what pictures to show Thranduil, which was unfortunate because Thranduil could hardly concentrate on what he was looking at due to such proximity. Bard’s shoulder was nearly touching his own, and he could smell the remnants of the cigarette underneath his body spray. Thranduil had to force himself to pay attention to the photos.

   “I like that one,” he managed, pointing to a colourful portrait of Bard’s eldest daughter.

   “I tried to get her to sit still for that one, but I ended up copying from a photo,” Bard said.

   He turned to face Thranduil as he spoke, and their noses almost touched. Thranduil felt Bard’s warm exhale on his mouth and drew back quickly. Perhaps too quickly. Bard looked down sheepishly and straightened himself in his chair.

   “I put that one in the art show,” he finished lamely.

   “Is there some kind of competition?” Thranduil asked, the back of his neck still hot.

   “No, but nearly everything will be for sale.”

   “Maybe I’ll buy something,” Thranduil teased lightly.

   A hint of colour flushed Bard’s cheeks. “Please don’t. It’s all way overpriced.”

   “Taking this town for all it’s worth, then?”

   “I hope so,” Bard said with a smirk. “They owe me.”

   “Just try telling them that,” Thranduil said, glancing around the café at the other patrons. He didn’t recognise anyone, but Mithrellas was still behind the counter making coffee, and she was worth ten witnesses on her own.

   “Here, I’ll give you a sample and maybe you can commission me later,” Bard said.

   He took a napkin from the cup of cutlery on the table and slid a pen out of the pocket of his flannel. He bent low over the table and started to draw, making long, steady strokes with the pen so as not to snare the napkin. When he was done, he handed it to Thranduil.

   It was a drawing of a fox, curled up asleep with little flowers forming a border around it. Underneath its tail was a banner that said ‘fox this town.’

   Thranduil grinned at it, his heart skipping a beat at the gesture. It was by no means a perfect drawing, but it was a shame it was on a napkin, because he wanted to frame it and keep it forever.

   He thought he might do that anyway.

[jwnbwnjwn]

Entry 8 (12.20.2020)

 Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry on here. My last one was back in September, and man a lot has happened since. First off, My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past couple of days, and in a bit I’ll get to why. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in any of the last posts but, if I didn’t then my goal for the last couple of months has been to get on a (keto) diet and lose some weight, and I’m here to tell you I still haven’t, I haven’t even stuck to a diet for that matter. The only diet I’ve had has consisted of take out and midnight snacks. Anyways, now let’s get down to business. I went ahead and read my latest blog post before this and I laughed at the fact that I said I was starting a diet, yeah that never happened. Im happily at 160 lbs at the moment (not really happy about it but oh well). 

I mean covid-19 is still going on, its kinda spiking then calming down, spiking again, and its just this whole repeating situation. Everyone's still wearing and masks and doing everything to be safe, although I think my towns cases are starting to go down. It is around Christmas time so they’re starting to decorate everything, all the parks and stuff; so hopefully that doesn't spike the numbers up again. When going out though I still have to be careful, I can’t catch covid and give it to my loved ones, and I would rather not make history and get sick. 

I guess I should start here. I wish my life was still the same as it was during my last entry. I really do. I wouldn’t have known what I do now and I would’ve just been at peace, happily living my life and struggling with school. I ended up getting a D in that biology course, and dropping that math and history course. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty school year tbh. I’ve never been that lazy and unmotivated when it comes to school but man, this fall year really took a toll on me because I legit did nothing all year. In result of it, my gpa went to absolute shit and down to a 2.8. I now gotta make that up during the summer and try to get it as high as i possibly can. I just finished my second fall semester so I’ve been on Christmas break for about a week now, but honestly this break feels so lazy and gross. I am reading my last entry to see what I can catch everyone up on, as things have changed drastically. I mean my friendships are still fine, I still keep in contact with seatbelt and ice and maria. I keep in contact with them almost daily honestly. About my relationship, thats where I wish things were the way they were three months ago. Without going over too much detail, a girl reached out to me and let me know her boyfriend and Mr. were trading girls nudes again. Honestly hearing this a second time broke my heart, but I really didnt have much of a reaction to it. It hurts every here and there, but I guess im forcing myself to open my heart and forgive and forget so I can go ahead and move on already. Mr. and I are in a certain situation trying to avoid law enf*rc*m*nt so things have been kind of hard recently. He’s been seeing me many times this week just because of the fear itself that one day might be his last time to see me, but I think things are starting to cool down with our/his situation, so hopefully he’s not walking on eggshells too longer, because seeing him worried makes me worried and vice versa. He’s looking into going to therapy and having a closer relationship between him and god, in order to get rid of his old ways and make himself into the better person he needs to become. I can’t really get into details about the situation on here as it legit would be the most dumbest thing I could possibly do, but in result of getting closure about it, he told me he was planning on purposing in the near future, like before 2021 is over - but then he had to go fuck it up and put that on hold. After talking about it we’re going to have to attend counseling once again, but in hopes of fixing our relationship and getting closer again. I love him a lot, I do, but man he is one dumb ass person. I really hope and pray he gets his stuff together, because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I guess we’re kind of in an awkward part in our relationship, but its honestly because of the situation we’re in, so we just have to work through this and rebuild the trust he ruined. I know he’s going to be going to individual counseling for sure, but I have a feeling that’s just going to turn into couples counseling the way it happened the first time. I hope I can get myself to go into counseling for myself as well, because man, I really do want to work through these issues I have deep down inside of me, but I can’t find the courage I need at the moment - maybe after all of this is done I will. Mr.’s dad is still really sick, but im still praying to god and the heavens above he gets better. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot and my relationship has been improving, while my moms and I’s is kind of going backwards slowly. About those two discord friends, I dont know why I put “crunch” as one of them. I forgot what his first nickname was, but I know it wasn crunch. I mean his name is cesar, so i guess i got mixed up lol but yeah i’m not friends with c*sar and shr*mp anymore. I mean I got really close with him, and I did consider im an important person in my life, until one day I logged onto Discord to see he kicked me out of the server and blocked me, which eventually resulted in everyone from the server blocking me and deleting me off roblox so, I pretty much had no say in it. There wasn't even a reason TO block me, I legit just logged on randomly and was blocked. Although I found out through someone else who was also in the server before he himself blocked me that apparently I was jealous of shr*mp and I guess calling c*sar manipulative got him upset and thinking so he blocked me lmao. Anyways, because of this I dont really play Roblox that often anymore, but instead I watch anime now. Currently waiting on AOT’s new episode releasing today so, thats something exciting to look forward to. I cant wait for christmas just so i can see the look on my siblings face when they see what I got them lol. I also got Mr. a chain bracelet, so I hope he likes it and actally wears it. There’s not really much else except being on eggshells with Mr. and wasting my life away. I’ll keep you guys updated. I’ll try to post on here more often.

Ended this at 12.20.2020 at 8:27 AM

-jen

[golbrocklovely]

only the lonely survive // colby brock - chapter ten: you suck so passionately

A/N: hey everyone. i’m slowly trying to churn these out since i’m only two or so chapters ahead. so, i might not update for another couple days. that being said, i will be posting the first chapter of ‘twisted’ soon, so get ready for that. i’m also gonna be posting a playlist of all the chapter titles from this story.  feel free to request anything in the meantime.  hope you enjoy! :)

description of the story

taglist:  @ajosieface , @localsleeper , @julyrubyrose

trigger warning: fluff, cursing

word count: 1758

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could feel the bed shift around me. I still had my eyes closed, not wanting to get up yet. I peaked open one eye. I could see the silhouette of a man, pulling jeans on. His back was to me.

Colby...

He grabbed the shirt off the chair in the corner and threw it on. I stretched slowly, pulling the covers off me. Colby turned to me.

"Did I wake you up?" He quietly asked.

I shook my head. "Not really. What time is it?"

"It's a little after eleven." He replied, grabbing his phone.

"And you're awake? Congratulations." I mumbled, smirking.

He chuckled. "Funny."

I pulled myself out of my bed. "Are you leaving right now?"

"Yeah. My uber's gonna be here in a minute or so." He nodded, slowly walking out of my room. I followed behind him.

We walked into the living room. Brennen, lounged on the couch, looked up and saw us.

"Hey cutie." Brennen commented.

"Are you saying that to me or Colby?" I sassed, resting my hands on my hips.

"...Both." He replied.

I shook my head, rolling my eyes. I heard Colby's phone vibrate. He glanced down at it. "My ride's here."

"Okay. It was nice seeing you again." I mentioned, opening my arms and giving him a hug.

He squeezed me tight, swaying us. "I'll text you later." He whispered.

"Alright." I pulled away, smiling.

He waved at Brennen and opened the front door, leaving quickly.

"Is Casey here?" I asked, turning to Brennen.

He shook his head. "No, she left early this morning."

"She's probably at the gym. She likes to go super early if she has a lot on her mind." I stated, shrugging slightly.

"Can I be straight with you?" Brennen inquired.

"Sure?"

"Do you realize how much Colby likes you or are you playing hard to get?"

I cocked my head to the side. "What?"

"I'm serious." He deadpanned.

"Colby doesn't like me." I doubted, crossing my arms.

"Yeah, he does. I know him very well and even though he falls in love with every girl he meets, you seem a bit different." He pointed out, mimicking my stance.

"I highly doubt he likes me. We're just friends." I scoffed.

"For right now. Do you like him?" He teased, smirking.

I exhaled. "C'mon Brennen..."

"I just want to know. I won't tell him." He chuckled.

"I mean... I guess so." I answered.

Brennen queried. "Are you attracted to him?"

"Are you attracted to Casey?" I taunted.

His face twisted. "This isn't about me."

"Answer my question and I'll answer yours." I dared, uncrossing my arms.

After a moment, he responded. "Yes."

"Okay." I slowly started walking to the kitchen.

"Well is that an 'okay' to my answer or to my question?" He questioned, following me into the kitchen.

"Both?" I grinned.

I grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge as he entered.

"Do you know if she likes me?" He mumbled, looking down towards the floor.

"Casey? I mean... I know she finds you hot." I admitted.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, everyone does. But how do I get her to like me more?"

"First and foremost, maybe stop flirting with me." I explained, shrugging.

"But I find it so fun." He teased, sitting on the counter.

"She doesn't. And Colby probably doesn't either if he apparently likes me." I insisted, taking a sip from my bottle.

He nodded his head. "Valid point. But if all else fails, you're still my future baby mama."

"No, I'm not." I groaned.

He moved on. "Oh by the way, the Trap House is throwing a party tomorrow."

I scrunched up my face. "You guys literally went to a party last night."

"That is true, however, it did end with us almost fighting a clout chaser." He recalled.

"I guess so." I agreed.

"Plus, a lot of the parties we've been to recently have kinda sucked. But the Trap House... they know how to throw a party." He smiled brightly.

The front door busted open, banging against the wall. "Brennen I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Casey's voice yelled out. She came rushing into the kitchen.

"Woah, woah, woah! What did I do?!" He sputtered, jumping off the counter.

"You know exactly what you did! Delete the tweets right now!" She shoved her finger at him, getting in his face.

"What tweets?" I asked.

She grunted. "You haven't seen them, have you?"

"No? What's going on?" I puzzled.

"Last night at the party, Brennen asked for my number and in my slightly tipsy state, I mistakenly gave it to him. He also asked for our instagrams so I gave them to him. And since your and mine's ats are the same on insta and twitter, he followed us on both." She explained, glaring at Brennen.

"Okay? And what's the problem?" I replied.

Brennen sighed, and slowly pulled his phone out. "Well I might have tweeted about Travis and what he said to you..."

He slowly showed me his phone. It was on his twitter, showing three tweets in a row from him at around one AM last night.

BrennenTaylor: TRAVIS MARCUS IS A BITCH

BrennenTaylor: what fuckin loserr has to make fun of girls and film it to feel good about themselves??? @travismarcus

BrennenTaylor: @skyebennett is fucking GORGEOUS and @travismarcus is an asshole for calling her fat. what are u 12?

It took a moment for the words to click in my head. "Brennen..." I sighed, covering my eyes.

"Look I'm sorry! I was drunk and pissed off. I wrote them when I was in the uber on the way over here. I forgot I even wrote them to be honest." He apologized, pulling his phone away from me.

"What are people saying... about me?" I questioned.

"Everyone's being really nice honestly. But Brennen shouldn't of at-ed you in the first place." Casey sneered, slapping Brennen's arm lightly.

"Has Travis said anything?" I mumbled.

"No. But he did DM me asking me to take the tweets down 'cause he heard this is gonna go on Messy Monday soon." Brennen pointed out.

"That's gonna make the situation so much worse." I grumbled, resting my back against the counter.

"I know you probably don't want attention, but people need to know he's a dick." Brennen sighed again, continuing. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I'll take them down if you want me to."

I shook my head. "No it's fine."

We all stood around awkwardly for a moment. I could tell Brennen was uncomfortable and Casey was still pretty pissed. "I'll be right back." I uttered, leaving the kitchen quickly.

I could hear Casey and Brennen bicker as I went to my room to get my phone. I hadn't even thought to look at it this morning. I grabbed it and turned it on. Multiple notifications popped up. I went to Youtube first.

I had gained about 500 new subscribers.

Oh... I guess that's nice.

I then went to Instagram. I had many request messages. And from scrolling through some, I could tell most people felt bad for me. Some, who were fans of Travis, were not so empathetic. Finally going to twitter, I saw extreme amounts of positive messages. There was a hashtag started - #travismarcusisoverparty. I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

This doesn't even feel real at this point.

I scrolled through my dms to see I had a message from Travis himself.

Travis: please tell Brennen to take down the tweets. Things are getting out of hand. I apologize for what I said.

I rolled my eyes but replied to the message anyway.

Skye: I can't force him to take it down. That's up to him. Thank you for apologizing, but you shouldn't have said what you said in the first place. You're too old to be making fun of people like that.

"Hey Skye?" I heard Brennen voice call to me.

I looked up to see him standing in my doorway. "Yeah?"

"I'm gonna be heading out. I gotta go feed Kobe and go workout. Also if I don't leave soon, Casey's gonna murder me." He stated.

I chuckled. "Okay. Give me a hug goodbye."

He smiled sadly, walking over to me and embracing me. He pulled away, keeping me in his arms. "I'm really sorry I brought you into this dumb drama."

"It's okay. I don't mind what you said. And I mean besides, Travis was gonna get his comeuppance at some point. It just happened to deal with me too." I shrugged.

He cocked his head to the side, smirking. "Comeuppance?"

"What?" I asked.

"Do they use words like that in college? I wouldn't know obviously..." He trailed off, slowly backing away from me.

I groaned. "Oh my God, get out of my house."

"Alright, I'm going, I'm going." He mimicked back, waving. "I'll text you later!"

"See ya!" I yelled back, grabbing my phone.

Just as I heard the front door close, I felt my phone vibrate. I looked down, seeing a new message from Colby.

Colby: forgot to tell u but i'm throwing a party tomorrow. do u wanna come???

I smiled, opening the message and responding.

Skye: Brennen already told me about it. And yeah I'm down 😊

I walked over to my dresser and grabbed some clothes for the day. I heard my phone vibrate again.

Colby: i know this is sudden, but would u want to film a video w me?

Wait what?

Skye: uh yeah. what did you have in mind?

I sat on my bed, waiting for him to reply. I could see he was typing out his message.

Colby: i was thinking like a q&a with a fan or something else if u have a better idea

I couldn't believe this was happening. He actually wanted to film a video with me...

Maybe Brennen wasn't lying about him like me after all.

Skye: no I like that idea! when did you want to film it?

I started to get dress, needing to do something to pass the time in between Colby texting me.

*buzz buzz*

Colby: before the party tomorrow, if that's good for you.

I bit my lip staring down at my phone. I almost couldn't contain my excitement.

Skye: sounds great! lmk when you want me to come over tomorrow then

I placed my phone down, and then slowly laid down on my bed. I glanced up at the ceiling.

Why do I think this party tomorrow is gonna change my life?

<< CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 11 >>

[thaumaturtles]

Begin ANGELQUEST

The other day, I was doing some.......

...... studying.......

When I came across an advertisement. This isn’t at all an unusual experience; I’ve been on the internet for a decade and change and I’ve come to accept that ads are a part of the experience. This was an ad I’d seen many times before, too. I’m so accustomed to seeing it that my eyes often skip right over it. However, I’ve been reading a lot of articles about Enlightenment, lately, and I’ve been trying to put that into practice in my everyday life. I’ve been attempting, to varying degrees of success, to become more aware of myself and my environment, to probe onward into my mind’s own blind spots. In short, I’m trying to blitz my chakras. (Don’t worry, am Indian, can reclaim.)

And so, for perhaps the first time, I took a moment to truly see the ad in front of me. To stop and smell the dogshit hiding behind the roses. And, goodness, was it a sight to behold. Ladies, gentlemen, and all who fall betwixt, I present to you, THIS:

Take a moment, if necessary, to take it all in.

Have you collected yourself? Good. You’re holding up the rest of the class.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to let this pass without mental comment on more than one occasion. How did I look at this image, think “angel reading? yeah, sure, that’s a thing that exists” and then shuffle along? The only explanation I can muster is Divine intervention, which would ironically lend this product some legitimacy. I need to understand. What does Angel Reading mean? How could such a process be personalized, and, furthermore, how could it take place over the Internet? Who is this “Celeste”? What is she after? Why does she look vaguely disappointed in me? Can she see my soul? What is an “Angelic Medium”?????

Clearly, if I want answers, I’m going to have to dive in. I place my Crocodile Dundee hat on my head with no small measure of trepidation, though I must confess a moiety of excitement deep within. As I hike up my Adventurin’ Shorts and stuff a few hundred metres of rope into my backpack, I consider the long road ahead. And then, with my cosplay explorer’s outfit put on to my approval, I sit down at my computer. I’m really not sure why I felt the need to do all that when I’m just gonna be here at home.

I steel my will, and I click.

This loading screen appears, and I’d like to mention that the URL for this page is perhaps longer than any URL I’ve ever seen before in my 16 years.

Okay, let’s just take a moment to get our bearings here and-

HOLY MACKEREL, THERE’S A COUNTDOWN!

And only twenty-seven minutes left! Sakes alive, I clicked this link just in time! Imagine If I’d wasted more time farting around and dressing up like Indiana Jones!

Although, weirdly enough, whenever I refresh the page, the timer restarts, and it always restarts at 27 minutes and 50ish seconds, which is a random-enough number to seem legitimate.

Hmm. Odd.

I wonder if maybe the countdown isn’t actually real and is just there to pressure you into typing your info more quickly so you don’t notice how fishy this whole opera-

OH MY GOD ONLY 26 MINUTES!!!!!!!

OK, gotta think quickly here. Gosh, they’re asking some personal questions right off the bat, but I can’t let them know it’s me; they might recognize me from tumblr. If this sting operation’s gonna go forth I gotta lie my ass off. My name? Uh, uh.. My name is Dyl-Dy- Uhhhh, shit, okay, it’s Dylan-NO, Dylllllllll...... Delilah? Delilah. Like from the Bible. Yeah, that’s fitting, especially since I’m swindling these fools. Soon, Celeste, your hair will be mine.

They’re asking for my date of birth, which I’m hesitant to put because my 16th birthday party was kind of a big deal and Celeste might’ve heard about it, in which case she’ll know it’s me AND things will be super awkward cause I didn’t invite her to the party.

I put 4/13/1969 obviously

They’re also asking for my e-mail address, which I can’t give out because it has my full name, address, and social security number in it, so let’s just pull this ripcord real quick and parachute out of this nightmare zone, and over to a quick, free, secure e-mail client. That is, protonmail.com, which is not my usual e-mail server and will thus throw Celeste’s goons even farther off my trail

Wow, that was a surprisingly quick and painless process! I might just have to use protonmail in the future

So anyway here’s my info, sent in right under the wire, with a mere 24.3 minutes left! God that was close. Picture that classic scene in Indiana Jones where he slides under the door and then reaches back in to get his hat, only it’s an out-of-shape teen and also the door hasn’t even started closing yet.

I went with my actual country because, c’mon, there’re a lot of people in Jamaica. Statistically speaking, how likely is it they’d find me through that?

You know I didn’t. You know I fucking didn’t. Why are you asking.

Also, here’s a quick rundown of what Celeste is actually offering in case anyone was curious. It does somewhat tickle me that she claims she’ll “get to work immediately” as soon as anyone clicks the link and subscribes, as though the process isn’t completely automated. It evokes a clear image of Celeste, in full angelic garb, sitting at a computer screen and answering calls while also typing into three discrete keyboards simultaneously.

The idea that she could personally take the order of every individual who clicks this ad betrays either a complete lack of confidence in the desirability of her product, or an incredible amount of confidence in her own ability to multitask.

Who is “she”? Celeste? That doesn’t make much sense in the context here. Peter’s Guardian Angel? But earlier Celeste made it sound like all angels use he/him! Also, what does “bring her back” mean if it’s the angel? Can angels leave and later be found again? I feel like if you find your guardian angel once, that should be it forever, but apparently they can leave and you have to ensnare them again?????

Hooray! A link from an unknown source to an unknown destination! I sure can’t wait to click it all day long!

The things I do in the name of science, I swear to God Celeste.

It took a minute but here it is. Sidenote: I rather enjoy the irony of an inbox which consists of three e-mails about encryption and ways to curate a safe internet experience, and one which is an automated link from a bullshit ad for a product that doesn’t exist. There’s a subtle poetry to this image. I almost want to frame it, and then sell it for an exorbitant amount of money.

Here’s the e-mail, folx. If ever you needed proof that this was a scam, look no further.

Who on this good green earth would think beginning such a missive with, “Thank you for your trust,” would be a good way to garner MORE goodwill? When I go to my local grocer and I purchase a party-sized bag of Tostitos to eat by myself over the course of a day and a half because I’m in control of my body, goddammit, the bag doesn’t say, “Thank you for believing in us! We promise we won’t give you dysentery!

Like, what the fuck? “Thank you for your trust.” Your product should be able to stand on its own two feet and proudly proclaim, “I’m gonna give you a fucking angel reading or die trying!”

That initial line has honestly made me more scared than ever for this process. I’m confident I’m going to click that link and it’s going to auto-download a terabyte of obscure Norwegian pornography to my hard drive. I did just update my computer this morning, however, and all my data are backed up, so I feel somewhat more secure than I might otherwise.

Did I really just say “data are”? I know it’s grammatically correct and all, but it’s still jarring to hear. Messes with my mental flow. And wouldn’t the proper, descriptivist thing to do be to use “data is” to avoid confusion? Using “data are” feels clunky, is more difficult to say, and makes me look a bit snobbish. I’d delete it but that would require hitting the backspace button on my computer and I’m frankly quite lazy about that sort of thing. What was I talking about again? Oh, right. I have to click the link.

 Again with the “thank you for your trust” bullshit! Whatever, I’m going to let it pass. They’re clearly going for a friendly, approachable persona here, even if they’re doing it in the most threatening, ass-backwards way possible.

This next email took a seemingly endless eight minutes to arrive, during which time I meditated, raised a bonsai tree to adulthood, watched Marley & Me, grappled with intense feelings of loneliness, and worked on some of my homework.

Or maybe I just played games on my phone. You decide!

Okay, not quite what “hereby” means, but sure. It’s a common mistake, likely exacerbated by the presence of the word “here” within “hereby.” Sort of a “wherefore does not mean where” situation I suppose.

Anyway, I’m submitting to the mortifying ordeal of clicking the link yet again.

Christ get a load of this shit. How fitting that the Angelic stone for someone born on 4/13 would be Jade. My archangel is Megatron apparently??? His info claims he’s some sort of scribe. My major planet is Neptune, and my secondary planet is.... the sun? Is anyone going to tell Celeste what stars are or do I have to do everything myself around here? I do like that ram up in the top left though. I’m naming you Ram Elliot.

Now for the pièce de résistance. Meet Mahasiah. Mahasiah is not my guardian angel; Mahasiah is the guardian angel for anyone born between April 10th-14th. My guardian angel is Yerathel, apparently. A few things I learned while researching this: both Mahasia and Yerathel have “feminine energies” (???) and both have Fire as their associated classical element. Also, Yerathel rules over Intelligence, which is one thing I actually somewhat like about myself. This is actually kind of neat to learn about!

I mean come on. That’s pretty fuckin cool. His name means “He Who Punishes Evildoers” which is beyond epic, and his associated gem is Smoky Quartz, aka the only Steven Universe character.

You know, maybe this whole Angel Reading business isn’t a scam after all. Maybe it’s a perfectly safe process and I’ll be totally fine, what am I worrying about? At the very least, it couldn’t hurt to explore her site a bit more..... for research’s sake.

yeah baby tell me more

h-

certainly, miss celeste, anything for you

wait, aren’t I already in a relationshi-

JAZZERCISING JUNIPERS BATMAN THERE’S ONLY 28 MINUTES LEFT

holy shit! I want accurate readings!

Oh god oh no okay i’ll do whatever you want celeste please don’t leave me i need my tarots

THEY KNOW ABOUT ME ALREADY OMG

Well, okay, even in my currently addled state I can still see that “Duo-Telepathy” is complete bullshi-

OH WELL IF AMANDA GAVE THEM THREE WHOLE STARS I HAVE TO TRUST IT

Amazingly, my info was pre-filled in. Almost like this site is linked to Celeste’s in some way, or perhaps even run by the same group of scammeUPSTANDING CITIZENS IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY

Ooh, another e-transmission from my good friend Celeste! Oh, how I’ve missed her! And apparently large and surprising discoveries have been made concerning me! She’s presenting me a Guide? I sure hope I’ll be able to open it, hassle-free, with no additional purchases/information required!

OHOHOHOHO

bro i’m shitting my drawers rn

I have no fucking clue what that means but you said FREE so i’m in!

oh my god there’s still so much left. just shut the fuck up and take my money you fools

AW TITS YEAH

....i think

Okay, I know the original thing said FREE and I should be “mad” or watever, but look at that bargain! that’s more than half off! It might as well be free! I’d be stupid NOT to buy it!

I’ve invented a lot of secondary information for Delilah. The phone number is merely (559) YOU-SUCK, as a subtle way of establishing the power dynamic at play here. I’m sure Celeste will appreciate it.

Hmmmmm.............. It would seem my method of “just input numbers randomly” won’t work here. Such a shame. Credit card fraud used to be so easy. I’ll have to put that on the backburner, though, because look what just appeared in my inbox!

You can see where this is going.

I’ll take my leave now, this post is getting long enough as is, but I do feel it’s important to note that doing a quick bit of research shows that Celeste & co. are famous for emotional manipulation, as well as getting people addicted to their products and forcing a sort of dependency upon them. It’s important to do your research, and remember basic internet safety tips like don’t click popups or check if a site is legit before downloading from them. It’s incredibly easy to get trapped down this sort of rabbit hole, where you wind up buying more and more of their products like you’re stockpiling for the Rapture. Not me, though, I’m obviously fine and can quit anytime I like. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try a bunch of credit card numbers until one works.

[carryyourheart]

I turned thirty last week! I started this tumblr when I was twenty- I can remember the summer so vividly. It was around July of 2009, I was going into my junior year of college, and I couldn’t find a job for the life of me. The recession hit my hometown pretty hard and my usual retail jobs wouldn’t hire anyone for the summer. I was bored out of my mind and all I did was run on the treadmill in my garage while watching episodes of the office on my iPod video and also post here. Like.. can you imagine a bleaker combo? I don’t think I have much personal stuff left on here- probably deleted it out of shame but I’m also too lazy to go back and check- but it’s pretty cool to have something that’s been around for an entire decade of my life. If I ~really~ want to age myself I still have my livejournal(!) I started in 2003 and still update like once a year or so. But anyway.

One thing I didn’t anticipate about turning 30 was the sadness I felt for my old self. I feel fiercely protective and compassionate towards the early 20s version of myself. I definitely did not love or respect myself, which I think was obvious to everyone but me. I let people walk all over me. I for sure drank too much. I had untreated anxiety disorder and didn’t have the tools to recognize it. I gave myself to people blindly, not caring that I was getting crumbs back- even believing the dramatics were love. It was all just a mess. I feel very sad for the things I went through but also very glad I made it this far. I honestly never pictured myself getting here. I figured I’d fuck it up somehow.

My mom threw me a big party the other weekend. My whole family came and we had so much food and wine and we looked at old photos for hours. This past weekend my boyfriend threw me a surprise party with my best friends from college. He rented a cabin on the water in the poconos and got everyone to sneak out there. He got me a chicken nugget cake and my friends showed up with crockpots and drinks and a life size Justin Timberlake cutout. I feel so overwhelmed when I think of the past few weeks. As a shy person I keep to myself a lot and it honestly floors me how many people showed up for me. It’s made me want to be a more active participant in my own life. I have a truly insane number of people in my life- more than I ever could dream I deserved. I can’t believe how many people I love. I can’t believe how many people love me. I can’t believe I get to be in love with somebody who treats me so well. My heart is so full and I have so many good things ahead of me in this decade. In this life. I’m so excited to live it all.

[therandomfics]

Strangers Pt3

“So tell me what’s been going on,” Captain Walker said as you sat down in front of his desk. 

“I’ve only really thought of one guy as suspicious, and then there was the other guy who sent me a message but, we never figured out who he was.” 

“We haven’t had anything happen in a few weeks, which is good, but it means he’s either gone somewhere else or he’s lying dormant and waiting for his next victim.” 

“I’ve got two guys left, and then I’ll have met with everyone on the list TARU gave me. I really wonder about that anonymous message, though. Did they see if the girls got messages from deleted accounts? Not the same one I got, obviously, because it’s deleted, but it’s worth a shot to look into it, y’know? What if someone’s stalking women who reject them? Or women who they feel have rejected them?” 

Walker rubbed his chin in thought and stood up, opening the door to his office. “Alright Sullivan, get back to work. I’ll call you with any updates.” 

“Can you see if they’ll check if anyone else has been in my account? It’s the only non-physical stalking I can think of right now. See you later.” 

Dominick had asked you out that night, and you needed to appear as least Detective as possible. You went home and changed into a sundress and sandals, trying to enjoy the warmth of May while you could. Plus, your fake job would be ending soon for the summer and you needed to appear as geared up for break as possible. Eventually you’d have to tell him the truth - but of course, not until the investigation was over, and he probably would be angry at you for concealing important parts about your life and.. well, for thinking he was a criminal. Unless, he really was a criminal, and then you wouldn’t need to worry anymore because you’d have done your job. You exhaled loudly and changed your clothes again - jeans, wedge heels, and a flowy but modest top. 

When you arrived outside of the bar, he stood waiting for you. You felt terribly under dressed, as he was in one of his normal suits, vest and all, looking as dapper as ever. 

“Wow, I look like I came from the slums,” you joked as you gave him a hug and he kissed your cheek. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You look great. Beautiful, like always.” 

Your cheeks blushed furiously as he opened the door for you and ushered you inside. It was pretty mellow for a bar anywhere in the city, and you were able to find a booth in a back corner to enjoy your evening. The food was par for the course - burgers, wings, beer, wine. After you both ordered and sat enjoying your first round of drinks, you realized that you felt terrible for lying to him. 

“Have.. have you heard,” you began, trying to ease your way into the subject without being too weird. “There’s supposedly a guy in Brooklyn who’s gone out with two different girls and they’ve both been found murdered?” 

He arched a brow but didn’t seem too alarmed. “Yeah, I think I heard about that. It’s a shame, really, but don’t feel bad. Every part of the city has their own crime. Brooklyn isn’t the worst. Just means you’ve gotta be careful.” 

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just weird that it happened within like two weeks of each other and it’s been almost a month and a half and he hasn’t done anything else.” Try to sound ignorant, you told yourself. Don’t sound like an officer of the law. It was so hard, though. You wanted to be yourself, and you wanted Dominick to like you for who you really were. 

“I think I overheard something once - in something not related - that it’s not uncommon for that kind of thing to make someone.. what’s the word..” he trailed off, sipping his beer. “They get anxious. They go into hiding until they get their courage back.” 

You nodded and felt your phone vibrate against the table. “I’m so sorry,” you said quickly and picked it up. You glanced at the screen before you tossed it into your bag. It was Captain Walker. He had confirmed the two girls had anonymous messages from deleted profiles - much like you had, too. 

“Let’s not talk about murder,” you said with a dismissive laugh; anything to avoid talking about your real work. “I’ve got a whole summer ahead of me to not get killed and I’d like to enjoy it.” 

“I wouldn’t let that happen to you, Y/N,” he said, smiling and jovial, but somehow serious at the same time. You believed him, but you didn’t need him to protect you. 

“You’re sweet, Dominick. I’m glad we met.” 

“So, I gotta ask..” there he was, hesitating again. 

“Yeah?” 

“How many guys have you met online? Not that it’s any of my business I just need to assess the competition.” 

It was your turn to hesitate. “Honestly? You, and like four others. But I haven’t seen any of them beyond the first meeting. One guy actually got mad at me because I told him to move back home if he hated New York so much. Dating is weird, that’s all I know. How about you?” 

“Just you,” he lied. You knew he lied, and you were angry immediately that he wouldn’t be forth coming with you, even though you weren’t doing the same for him. 

“Really? Just one? That’s hard to believe. I bet you’ve gone out with at least 3,” you retorted. You knew he had planned to meet up with the other two girls, but whether he had or not you didn’t know - you assumed, however. 

“Well, okay,” he sighed and finished his beer. “I had plans before, with other women, but they blew me off after we had decided to meet and I never heard from them again. I don’t really know what happened. I assume they met someone else, which is great for them, and I guess great for me too because now I know you.” 

Smooth. If only he knew how unlucky those girls had been, maybe he wouldn’t have found it so great. But, it wasn’t your place to tell him - not yet. 

“So basically what’s happening is there’s someone making temporary profiles and not adding any information to them, for the sole purpose of letting you, and the other girls know that he’s watching you. For you, it’s not that bad. You’re a trained officer of the law and you can protect yourself, but those girls were clueless.” TARU was back at it again. “Deleted accounts cannot be tracked through the website because of their privacy policy that deletes information related other than the username. Have you gotten anymore?” 

You clicked on your inbox again and refreshed it. “Not since this morning around 5.” You turned the laptop around to show the new message. 

ticktocktick: You go out and get drunk with a man you barely know and wonder why women get raped and killed all over the world. You’re no better than anyone else, I don’t know why you’re beseeching me to loneliness. You’ll see, soon enough. 

“I guess two beers means I’m drunk,” you muttered in annoyance. “Anyway, whoever it is obviously saw me out with my date last night.” 

“Who was that?” 

“His username is isirac.” 

“You’ve been out with him like five times now. Are you sure this is still part of the case?” 

You closed your laptop and nearly pinched his fingers in the lid. “Yes, I’m sure. Last night he told me he never met our victims, and that he had planned to, but they just ghosted him.”

He scoffed. “Well at least we know whoever’s following you isn’t doing it because they’re jealous of this other guy, not if your victims never met him.” 

“How comforting.” You rolled your eyes and pulled your phone out of your pocket. “Alright, I’ve gotta go. Thanks, again.” 

Your phone had been vibrating in your pocket for a while, but you were ignoring it as you made your way back to your desk. Finally, when you looked, you had 4 text messages. 3 from Daniel - Molly’s owner from the park - and one from Dominick. 

Daniel: Hey, good morning. I was wondering if you’d like to get together this evening? My work is hosting a little fundraiser and I need a date. :) 

Daniel: It’s okay if you can’t or don’t want to, I won’t hold it against you. 

Daniel: Ok.. taking that as a no. 

Dominick: Good Morning, beautiful. Just making sure you’re alright - you seemed a little worried about that whole Brooklyn thing last night. 

After shuffling through the new stack of files on your desk, you opened Daniel’s message back up and rolled your eyes. He wasn’t off your list just yet. 

Y: Hey, Daniel! Sorry about that. You know how it goes when you’re in a room full of wild kids. I would love to go with you if you still need a date. Let me know the time and dress.. and address, please. :) 

Instead of texting Dominick, you called him. You didn’t know why but you wanted to hear his voice. 

“Good morning, handsome.” 

“Hey, my favorite girl. How are you?” 

“I’m good, I just wanted to let you know I was alive and kicking. Please don’t worry about me. I’m a lot tougher than I look.” 

He laughed. “I bet you are. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to text you.” 

“Don’t make excuses then, dork. If you want to talk to me, then do it. I promise I’ll always want to talk to you. But, I’ve gotta go. I’ve got a meeting in like five minutes. I’ll talk to you later. Have a good day.” 

“Good luck, beautiful.” 

That night, per Daniel’s instructions, you had pulled a long black evening gown from the back of your closet, paired it with matching heels, and draped a pashmina over your shoulders. You had to admit you cleaned up well, even more so when you applied your finishing touches to your makeup. Crimson red lips were for special occasions, and this was one of them. 

When you arrived at the banquet hall, Daniel greeted you and gave you a quick hug. It was awkward, as you didn’t really know one another - and he was treating this like a real date, not case work. “Wow, Y/N. You’re really beautiful,” he whispered into your ear, before putting his hand on your lower pack and guiding you inside to where the rest of the crowd had gathered. 

“You look great, too,” you replied. He took you around to a dozen or so people and introduced you as his date. You feigned interest in their topics of conversation and found yourself bored to tears after only about 30 minutes. It was at that time you realized that Daniel wasn’t at your side anymore - though it was no big loss. You quickly texted him to ask where he had gone, frustrated that it took him nearly ten minutes to reply. 

D: I’m near the back exit talking to one of the contributors. I’ll be back up in a moment. Wait for me please. 

You groaned at stood by the bar, swirling around what was left of your drink. Who invited someone to an event and ditched them? It didn’t matter. You were ready to go. 

“Hey, sorry,” Daniel called out as he approached. He was red in the face and agitated. “Everytime I talk to that guy he makes me feel like I’m a fucking idiot.” 

You frowned. “What guy?” 

He pointed absently to the back of the banquet hall. “It’s this guy who donates like $75,000 every year and then expects us to spit shine his figurative shoes everytime we see him. I’d rather just not deal with him but he’s one of my clients.” 

“I’m sorry. He sounds like an ass.” You stared down into your drink and rolled your eyes. 

“He is. Hey, look, I’m sorry,” he said as he placed his hand on your arm. “I’m sorry.” His hands were clammy and you caught a whiff of generic hand soap. Just how mad had this guy made him? 

“Daniel, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go. I’ve got to be at work at  6:30. It’s nearly 10. I’m sorry. Let’s get together again soon, though, okay?” You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and set your empty glass down, not giving him the chance to object. 

It was 2:15 in the morning when your phone blared in your ear. It was Walker’s ringtone. 

“Sullivan,” you groaned into the phone. 

“It’s Walker. You need to get down here. I’ll text you the address. Get here now.” He hung up. 

You scrambled to put your clothes on and snapped your hair into a tight braid. Walker texted you the address as you were holstering your weapon and clipping your shield to your belt. The address sounded familiar but you couldn’t be too sure - it was too early to think. 

When you arrived, you parked on the street behind the caution tape and let yourself in the crime scene. 

“Ma’am you can’t be back here,” an officer called out. 

You flashed your badge and kept going. Walker was up ahead of you, talking to someone you hadn’t seen before. 

“Walker.” 

“Sullivan, this is Lt. Olivia Benson. Lt. Benson, this is Detective Y/N Sullivan. She’s my best detective.” Walker wasted no time with introductions, as usual. 

You shook hands and waited to be briefed. Benson looked around a bit apprehensively, like she was missing someone. “He’ll be here in just a few,” she muttered. 

“I’m sorry, who?” You asked. 

“Detective Carisi.” 

“Alright. I’ll wait.” 

[oh-styles]

Something About a Choice [Revised]

After seven months, I have returned with everybody’s favorite awkward couple. I want to say first, that this is not technically a new installment, which answers your question of, “Didn’t she already write a Something About a Choice?” Because, yes, you are right, friend.

The first time I posted this chapter, seven months ago, I hated it. It wasn’t what I wanted, it was rushed, and therefore sucked absolute ass. 

This is how I imagine it. So forget everything you read about the previous post - which has been deleted - and please enjoy the continuation of Something About a Feeling.

9/7 Update: As promised, this is the revised version of this chapter. Nothing important has been changed, but I went ahead and added some detail. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, but I needed to post it for my sake.

By now, Harry has learned more than enough about you to the point he’s lost count, like how you get the hiccups when you laugh too much – also works when you get frightened, which is easily – and how you once punched a bloke in the face when he slapped your ass in the middle of a Cinnabon.

“The manager gave me a free cinnamon roll!”

As the list continued to grow, there was one thing that stood out over the rest - not including having not seen Pretty Woman, which he gladly marked off your list – which was, “I haven’t been on like an actual, real date before.”

When Harry looks at you, he can’t begin to fathom the number of dudes who find themselves doing double-takes as you scan the aisles of a Barnes and Noble, or how they bask in your presence when you’re slumped on a sofa, reading Bukowski in the corner of a rundown café. But, yet here you are, standing before him in a Starbucks on South Grand Avenue, stealing sips of his iced coffee, admitting your most astounding secret – your words, not his.

“You know those awkward first dates where the guy picks you up in his car, opens the door for you and takes you to this shitty restaurant that you pretend to like, and you make awkward conversation while making awkward eye contact—oh, thank you.” You revert your attention back to the barista to retrieve your drink, grabbing a cardboard slip on the side of the counter. “And then he takes you home in a nearly awkward silence and then goes to kiss you on your doorstep, but you sideswipe him, and he goes in for the cheek, and you never talk again? Yeah, never had one of those, and I feel like you have to have one them or it’s lawful or something.”

You really were something else.

“So, you want to go on a shitty date?” Harry chuckles, adjusting the straw of his cup and shaking his head in amusement.

“No, I want to go on a date that feels real. Not that ‘Meet me at the bar in 10 minutes’ bullshit.” You let out an exasperated sigh, muttering something about Tinder ruining the dating age, and quickly turn on your heel. “I take everything I said back. I need that cake pop.”

The rest of the afternoon went as followed: cruising around in his Mercedes; making a comment about how, “This is a car you make love in,” and Harry instantly going frigid behind the wheel, averting the mere thought of the two of you laying down in the backseat, an entanglement of limbs trying to find a comfortable position, despite the mental imagery of ruining the interior; making a trip to YSL so he could pick up his new boots, and you making more comments such as, “Your shoes cost more than my rent. Think about that,” which he simply snickers to; you struggling to keep up with his long, lengthy strides, and him stealing a bite of your cake pop when you weren’t looking.

He truthfully enjoyed days spent like these, where he had no real commitments, and could just spend quality time with you outside of his house. He knew once his schedule picked up a bit again, times like these would come few and far between, so taking advantage of them now was his best objective, especially since he left for London in four days.

“You have to bring me back souvenirs, like a snow globe with Big Ben in it, and a shirt that says, ‘I Love London’… Oh, oh! And a crumpet.” You’re sat in his passenger seat, fiddling with a frayed string on your shirt. “What even is a crumpet?”

“I’m going to have to take you sometime, pet. I think you’ll like it.” Harry beams from the side, pulling out onto the road. “Won’t be there too long this time. Maybe two weeks or so.”

“Your mom seems so nice. She liked the picture of Meg I took this morning.

Another thing he learned about you over your time together was the fact you named your rescue cat Meg. You never gave a reasoning behind it, so therefore Harry never thought to mention it.

“She really likes that jiggly ball thing you bought her the other day. I hear her playing with it all night.” You stop short, tearing the string from your shirt. “I mean it. All night.” ‘ Harry can only chuckle as he keeps his attention focused on the road. “Sorry.”

And honestly, he wasn’t. He realized quickly that whenever you couldn’t sleep, he’d wake up at ungodly hours to text messages either: A) Talking about conspiracy theories you discovered on the dark web, or B) Asking to come over, and take a wild guess on which one he preferred.

If it means you snuggling up his bed at three in the morning, everyone wins in his book.

“Any new crazy theories you’ve read about?—”

“Yes! Okay, so apparently—get this—The Beatles never existed.” There was a long pause in which all you could hear was the muffled buzzing of the wind passing by, and the distant sound of hors blaring persistently around you, and that’s when you hear Harry suck in a breath.

“Alright, pet, it’s naptime when we get back to your flat.”

“No, you have to listen to this! They’re all paid actors—”

“I’ve met two of them—”

“You’ve met two paid actors—”

“Well they sure do deserve some Oscars then—”

“I’ll take a nap if you take one with me.”

That shut him up.

He’s not necessarily sure if you’re lying or not, but based on how you end up in his bed twice a week anyway, there’s some truth hidden in your words. And most nights when you’ve found yourself swaddled underneath his duvet, he realizes that this isn’t something you do with Niall, though maybe it’s because Niall hasn’t offered, and for that, Niall is a downright idiot.

And Harry is completely content with you by his side. He doesn’t care if it’s for sleep, or a cuddle – and if he was lucky enough to find himself in this spot, a fuck, but at least by the end, he’d pull you close to his side and fall asleep to your comfort.

He’d be spitting out lies if he said he hadn’t been getting the best sleep of his life since you started making an appearance.

“We’ll see, pet.” There’s a smirk hidden with his words, and he knows he’d also be lying to himself if he even thought about turning down a cuddle with you. “Oh, and thank you for the Starbucks.”

“Nah, don’t thank me. Thank my giftcard.”

Once the two of you arrived at your apartment, Meg was the first to greet you at the door, rubbing her face against the inside of Harry’s leg while you locked the door behind you.

“Well, hello. Nice to see you again.” He crouched down to her level and stroked her head, her back arching at the contact. “Still keeping your mother awake, I hear.” Harry hears an unamused hum under your breath as you slide out of your shoes, gently kicking your heel against his.

“I think you should babysit her for the night. Come to me in the morning and see how you like it.”

Considering Harry would much rather be woken up by you when Meg keeps you up, he could come up with the excuse that, “Meg is homesick and needs her mother,” and maybe, just maybe, you’d fall enough for his bullshit and find yourself sliding under the covers beside him.

“I think Meg and I would have a delightful time, wouldn’t we?” He beams down at the feline, scratching back behind her ears as he legs out a song of purrs. “So, how about that nap, hm? Think that coffee is wearing off.”

You turn to face him to find him laid sprawled out on your ceramic tiles, Meg finding a home resting up on his stomach, tail swaying delicately in his face. You can see him barely dodge the swings, narrowly taking out the glasses perched up on his head.

“Think she likes you more than me.” You giggle, admiring the two of them.

“Impossible.” He shoots back, a hint of a dimple popping from behind the cat, who appears to not fully take into consideration of personal space. “What’s there not to like about you?”

You don’t respond back at first, but watch as the two of them play on the floor, Harry reaching over and grabbing the god forsaken toy that he had to buy her out of the goodness of his heart.

“I’m going to bed… Feel free to play with my cat.” You had to stop yourself from using the derogative term that, you knew would get a chuckle out of your fellow friend, but could simultaneously place an elephant in the room that neither one of you are prepared to face.

You slowly begin to trudge off into your room, not but a second later do you hear the pattering of footsteps following you at lightspeed.

It’s not often does he find himself slotted beside you in your bed, but over the times he’s come to your place, he’s continuously chosen the same side each time, even if it’s just to sit and wait while you got ready for the day. And this time was just the same as any. You pulled back the duvet, not taking the time to make the bed earlier that morning, and slipped inside the cotton sheets, letting your muscles delve into the comforting, downy blankets.

You have your spot, and he has his – even a favorite blanket you pull from your closest for each visit, but somehow, he always ditches it if it means he can come closer and share yours.

“Hey, pet,” Harry breathes against your neck, having already disregarded his comforter and sidling close to you. “Mates are throwing a party in a couple of days. Y’should come.”

“You know me and alcohol don’t mix.”

“Don’t have to drink. Just want you there.”

You think before you have the chance to answer that he’s fallen asleep, but when you give him a curt nod and a simple, “Sounds fun,” you feel an arm pull around your midsection and squeeze against your side in acknowledgement, and before too long, the two of you are falling asleep 0 with Meg playing with her rattling toy in the other room.

*

The next time Harry sees you, debuting your golfing skills via Niall’s Instagram story, he can’t figure out what to focus his attention on more: your awful attempts at simply hitting the ball, or how good your butt looked in your shorts. Regardless, once you do manage to hit your target – taking pieces of the lawn with it – it nearly disappears into the closed off wooded section, and you dramatically turn around with wide eyes.

“Oh no, Niall!”

You would never let him live that down, and for that, Harry was grateful.

The next video of his is one you took of him, and right as he goes to hit the ball, you let out a raucous scream, causing him to lose his focus, and sending the ball completely past his hole. The caption read: ‘He’s losing his touch.’

The first thing he sees of your story, nearly an hour later, is on you standing on a mini golf course, next to a hole, with a club raised above your head, the text below saying: ‘Hole in uno!’

Harry tries to explain it to himself why he suddenly got an uneasy feeling welling up at the bottom of his gut, and maybe it was because Niall took you to a child’s golf course that is a hotspot for date night, but God dammit, if anyone is going to take you to a child’s gold course that is a hotspot for date nights, it was going to be him.

He wanted to be the one to wrap their arms around you, bending you over slightly, teaching you how to properly swing – without taking bits of the Earth with you. Not some quirky Irishman who probably was unsure of where to put his hands. And if anyone was going to celebrate with you after hitting your first hole in uno, he’d jump over fences and do backflips off cars to make sure it was him.

So, he told himself – promised – that when he gets back from visiting home, he was going to pick his balls off from the floor, dust them off, and muster up all the courage he had, and ask you out on a date. A proper date.

Or a shitty date, if that’s what you wanted.

He’d pick you up, take you to the crappiest restaurant he could find, skip out on dessert, and at the end of the night, make sure not to even go in for a kiss, just so you can have your shitty date that feels real, but the second it’s over, he’ll be damned if he’s not asking you out on a second, just to give you something you actually deserve.

Dinner at the best only for the best, all the dessert you could ever want, and once he’s dropped you off he’d go in for the most mind-blowing, heart-stopping, earthshattering kiss either one of you has ever had, and wherever it leads to, he’d be happy regardless.

He can’t even remember the last time he had sex. Three months? Is it nearing four? When did Hannah leave him naked and with potential blue balls in bed?

He doesn’t even want to reminisce on his last lay – a specific memory he pretends never happened – and focuses his attention on the way you’d beg for his cock, legs spread and fingers digging into the flesh of his thigh as he moves himself closer, rubbing his tip over your dripping core. You’d tell him how bad you want it, how you want to feel him stretch around you, filling you to the brim.

He wants to bend you over, your ass pressed tightly against his cock as he slams into you relentlessly, and he wouldn’t really know what to focus his attention on: the sounds of your skin smacking against his, or your muffled groans releasing into his pillow, because he knows if he takes a moment to fathom how warm and tight and wet you feel, a cunt unlike any he’s delved in, he’d be finished before you had a chance to scream out his name.

He’s already addicted to you, and he hasn’t even had the delicacy of indulging in your taste yet.

If only you knew the effect you had on him.

*

After his mother, who continued to express her love and adoration to the girl who seemed to snuggle her way into her son’s heart followed you on Instagram, Gemma soon followed suit. She was very much aware of the effect that you were having on her little brother – a good one, but an effect nonetheless – and doing as sisters do, she wanted to see who this girl was. She wouldn’t call it prying, but simply looking.

There was nothing wrong with looking.

But on the other hand, when you opened your app to see her chilling amongst your pending request list, your stomach turned.

She’s the big sister. She’s the protector. She’s the lion to the cub. Bigger singling’s have that basic instinct manually wired in them, where if their young sibling brings someone into their life, it’s like a switch is flipped, and it’s an automatic impulse to investigate who this newcomer is. And although her little brother might not forcefully decline any assumptions she began to express blatantly, she knew him better than most.

They once shared a womb – not together, but if they are products of the same two people, it must mean something.

Harry might tell her that you’re strictly a friend, but when she sees it with her own two eyes – him liking nearly every one of your selfies, including the one of you sitting up in his bed with bedhead and his hoodie resting over your slumped shoulders – does she realize that he is hiding way more than meets the eye.

And it’s when you post that photo, the morning after you were rudely awoken by a distressed Harold who needed a sleeping buddy, that a lightbulb goes off in Anne’s head.

Okay, you might be sleeping with her son. And after expressing a brief concern with her daughter – having assumed he had spoken to his sister about the whole ordeal – she lets Anne down by stating, “I know as much as you, mum.”

Which has brought Anne here, on the phone with her son as he stands barefoot in his bathroom with only a towel covering his midsection. You were downstairs, presumably rearranging his bookcase so it was in color order, though Harry had said himself that it doesn’t matter either way, to you, it makes all the difference.

“It’s pleasing to the eye!” You imply, skimming through a book briefly, only to toss it wide-eyed across the room onto his lap, him instantly grunting at the contact. “Erotic poetry! What would your mother think, Harold?”

Well, it was no secret now, especially with Anne expressing her concerns into his ear as he leans against his bathroom counter, drawing faces into the condensation on the mirror.

“I just want to make sure you’re being safe,” she exclaims, and Harry nearly has her repeat herself. “You seem to like this girl, enjoying her company—”

“And what kind of company do you think she gives me, mum?” He is staring back at his reflection, noticing the spot beginning to make itself noticed on his chin.

“Well, love, she seems to be over… a lot. And she was in your bed.” He wants to sink into the floorboards and become one with the house. He was very aware of that photo you posted, was even sitting beside you when you took it, even wondering to himself how similar your bedhead could compare to sex hair. “You know you can tell me anything, right? She’s a lovely girl—”

“Mum, I promise. She’s just a friend,” And as much as it hurt him to say that, he powers through what he knows deep down is the inevitable truth. “It’s not like that. Haven’t slept with her. There’s no plans to.”

There’s a short pause on the other line where he hears his mother sigh reluctantly, and there’s a beat of a moment where Harry almost does it; he almost confines in his mother in every pestering and strenuous feeling that’s left him tossing and turning most nights, begging for answers – answers that he doesn’t understand, partially due to feelings he doesn’t understand, brought forth by a girl who began as a complete mystery but then molded into this beautiful work of art who loves organization and dumb jokes, and erotic poetry, so it turns out.

“Just know you can talk to me about anything, okay, love?” Her reply is softer, and deep down she knows there’s something he isn’t entirely being truthful about, but she’s not one to pry unless given notable reason. “Just be safe. Don’t want you to put yourself in a position you’re not ready for yet.”

“Yeah,” He clears his throat, squeezing the bridge of his nose. “I know.”

And that was the end of that.

It was later that evening, when the two of you found yourself a few shots down – you working yourself through a cranberry and vodka, which Harry pleasantly stole little sips from – that he lets it slip through his inebriated lips that, “M’mum thinks we’re fucking.”

“Fucking?” You snort, fiddling with the cocktail umbrella that he had placed behind your ear earlier that night. “You and me? Getting it on?”

“Properly banging.”

“Full on bumping uglies?”

“A bit of hanky panky.”

You stile a muffled laugh into his chest, bringing an arm up around his back to rest along the nook of his neck, and as he holds you against his frame, his own comes to rest at your side, as he glides his lips over your hairline and gently places a kiss above your brow.

“You feeling alright there, pet?” He begins to fiddle with the hem of your shirt, a peek of skin appearing where his thumb slowly makes gentle circles. “Think we should head back soon… I know my Sherpa is calling your name.”

“Your sheep?” He glances down to find your face buried in the crook of his shoulder, your voice muffled against the material of his shirt, and he almost has half the mind to assume you’re falling asleep on him.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

“No, the blanket, pet…” Harry carefully removes your drink from your hand to set it off to the side, and gently lifts your chin to catch your eyes half-lidded in a daze. “I can call the driver and he’ll be here in five minutes. How does that sou—”

“I need to pee.”

“Okay, do you know where the toilet is?—”

“Come.” Your hand is already wrapped around his wrist as you loop around guest after guest towards the far hallway, having already made a visit here earlier in the evening when a blowjob – the shot – malfunctioned all over your shirt.

“Okay, I can just wait out here while you—” Harry can’t seem to catch a break before he’s dragged into the bathroom, your body reaching around to lock the door behind him. “I—uh—”

“Just give me a second… Call y’man for the car.” You don’t waste a second before you unbutton your pants, and Harry feels his heart escalate in his chest as he distracts himself and fiddles in his pocket for his phone.

The first time he saw you naked from the waist down, was a god honest accident on his part, and if ever found himself lucky enough, he would expect the next time he saw you in such a state, would be in a completely different circumstance. Not while you are peeing.

“So, y’mom thinks we’re engaging in coitus.” Harry assumed the conversation had been forgotten, though there was always the chance come tomorrow when the two of you were sober and able, would bring the topic back up for a laugh. But, as you reached over to grab toilet paper, you take a helping glance up at the poor boy standing in the corner, eyes sealed to the floor as if he was taken into the woman’s bathroom by his mother.

“Yep. Playing the horizontal mambo.”

It’s a flush that lets him know he’s safe to look back up, and finds you focused on him from the reflection of the mirror. He can tell your mind is elsewhere, based from your tightly knitted brows and your lips pursed in a deep grimace.

“You’ve thought about it.” You say it so matter-of-factly, with such a mundane expression that he wants to know who sold him out. He feels his stomach churn - likely due to the seven shots he took - and he shuffles through his mind for any kind of excuse or denial drenched in lies to distract you enough to get you back to his place and tucked in bed without another word, but he feels his mouth go dry as you turn around to face him. “Niall told me, it’s fine.”

It’s fine.

It’s totally, fucking fine.

He is in no position to argue with you, considering he’s never once uttered a single word to Niall about anything that laid closely to the topic of you, but yet you stand here before him, with your hair gone amuck and a stain on your shirt from before, and he wonders if Niall was telling her what he had only simply been assuming, or if you were actually bullshitting him.

And when your eyebrows raise, your face filled with a glint of understanding, that maybe you realize his silence is nothing but his concealed answer.

“It’s okay…,” you begin. “If you do, I mean…” You go to lean on the counter, stretching out your hand to find his still rigid and cold by his side. “I don’t care…I have too, a little.”

Harry could have mistaken the sound of his stomach dropping for an atomic bomb; you were drunk, and when you were drunk personal space wasn’t a part of your vocabulary, and neither was a filter, so more things than none slipped passed your tongue unnoticed, leaving him uncertain of the truth hidden around your words.

But there was that night in his kitchen, when he held your sobbing figure against his own, listening to your heart break all over again over these things he couldn’t quite put a grasp on to fully understand, but having his own bit of understanding to see the impact it had made on you, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces.

“C’mon, pet—the car is waiting—”

And just as quickly as it went, his eyes dashing up to yours in a quick flutter, did he see yours coast up to meet his, and if he had blinked he would have missed it, ever so swiftly did you push up on your toes to tenderly seal his lips with yours.

He didn’t have time to close his eyes, and after a second passed when you tucked your bottom lip in between your teeth, letting go of his hand, did he watch you crack the bathroom door open to promptly slip out with a quick murmur of, “Better go find my jacket.”

[smile-smile-ichthys]

Hosts of Japan - Chapter 7

Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

I know long time with no updates, but I’ve been sick and working a lot of 12 hours shifts over the christmas period, so had no time. I’m back though, I have two weeks off now to focus on my writing for Uni and this :)

Tagging the girls @whatdoyouexpectthistime @hifftn and @smutmylifeup also @destinywanted don’t worry darlin you’re in the next chapter :)

Didn’t take us long to find the Prince and his butlers, almost as soon as we entered the hotel, the staff ushered us to the small conference room they had used previously. When we reached the doors leading in to where the Prince was sat, I had to stop to take a minute for a breather. My anxieties were sky high, and I was nervous I was gonna loss my confidence in my case. I knew I had done nothing wrong, it was all on the prince and their behaviour; however, my brain doubted itself. Big time.

That’s when I felt Miho and jazz squeeze my hand, and Mieke place her hands on my shoulder.

“We’re here, remember?” Jazz said “even if you doubt yourself, we certainly don’t, if you can’t speak we’ll speak for you” she smiled and I nodded after one last deep breath.

Miho opened the door and entered first, me following with Jazz and Mieke by my side. I wasn’t expecting anything large to happen, but I was surprised when the prince stood instantly, both butlers stiffening their positions. For once, it wasn’t the butlers who approached me, it was the prince himself. And was that genuine regret in his eyes? Miho sized him up, stopping him from reaching me.

“I wish to speak to her, after all it is her I’ve done wrong” he explained. Miho glanced back at me and I nodded so she moved aside “Please, take a seat, I’d like to explain and apologise properly”

I kept my face stern as I agreed to sit opposite him, my girls’ right beside me.

“Thank you” Keith said, finally sitting too “but, I’m not here to thank you, I’m here to apologise, deeply, first of all I’d like to explain, my relationships with the other princes is a…difficult one to fully describe, they know I do not understand some things as we are raised in different countries with different customs, they like to tease me on this, hence why they believed it was funny to play this ‘prank’” he began, it did sound genuine to say the least, but I kept my guard up just like Mieke had taught me “I know this doesn’t excuse the way I behaved, however, I would like you to forgive Aleck and Luke before myself, they were only doing as they were told, if they speak out of turn, my family have been harsh on punishments, they were only doing their job”

My eyes travelled up to Aleck who looked the most ashamed and sleep deprived of them all. Knowing he truly wished for forgiveness, I gave him a small smile. Luke…sure he was also ashamed, he still had a stern expression. Instead of smiling at him, I turned back to Keith.

“Now, I deeply apologise for my behaviour, even though the princes played a prank, I should not have forced myself onto you like that, I should not have assumed and just….gone ahead with my urges, I was so very very wrong” he stood and bowed to me “I will understand if you do not accept this apology and wish to continue down a path of lawyers, but I must ask you not to, instead, may we continue the agreement? You show me Tokyo on my days off, and I assure you, myself and my country will give you an amazing review and recommendation that will boost your company’s reputation greatly”

“If we do continue the contract, do you assure us that there will be no sexual advances? From any of you?” Miho asked.

“There will be none, this will be strictly professional” Keith assured us.

“What about the other princes?” Mieke asked.

“They would also like to apologise, but they will be keeping their distance as you wish it” he explained.

I didn’t need to talk, I was happy with the apology and Aleck had even written up a new contract with explicit details on what would happen in the next couple of weeks. Jazz read it over, and Miho and Mieke before I read it and happily signed. Luke would accompany us at all times, just in case, and he was given permission to speak up if he wished to, something I had personally asked to be added in.

When we finally left and headed out to go grab some food, I could help but feel eyes on me. I glanced round the room, however, none of the guests were even looking in our direction. Maybe it was just me being paranoid, even if I had a sinking feeling, we still went on our way out of the hotel, me pushing the feeling aside.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jazz had been working hard and closely with Takao after that, she always made sure she had a back-up, just in case. It was the first day of H taking the prince out into Tokyo and she was a little nervous about how it was going to go. So, it reassured her that Takao was fully on board with keeping a note of everything ready to sue if H was in danger of any kind again.

“Jazz, calm down, you know I’m sure H will be just fine” Takao said over the phone.

“Ugh, I know I know, can’t help it” Jazz said, rubbing her eyes.

“How about I get Kuni to bring back some take out for you two tonight? Your favourite? It’ll distract you I’m sure” he suggested.

“That would be nice, thank you, I just want to get that text from her tonight to say it went alright” Jazz sighed again.

“Ok, I’m telling Kuni now, talk to you tomorrow” Takao said, clearly grinning as he spoke.

Jazz carefully put the phone down and leaned back in her chair.

“And I thought I could get worked up easily” Miho laughed.

“Sorry, can’t help but be on edge a little”

“Same, but H can handle herself” Miho smiled, placing a cup of coffee in front of Jazz.

“I know, but I know you’re worried too, she didn’t have to forgive him so quickly” Jazz growled.

“It kind of annoyed me too, it was a traumatic thing he did, but, he did seem genuine, even if we wouldn’t forgive him, H did and we supported her in that” Miho said, leaning against Jazz’s chair, glancing at her computer screen “we just need to…hey who’s that from?” she asked, pointing to a particular email.

“Huh?” Jazz wondered, moving to open it “I literally have no idea, isn’t this the computer with the email with all the contacts in?”

“Yeah, this is the private email…” Miho said, pulling a separate chair up next to Jazz.

The girls glanced over the email, not really making sense of any of it. It was an incredibly vague email, talking about stuff to do with the company, and yet it not making any sense.

“Should we just delete? I mean, it could just be spam” Jazz suggested.

“Hmm, nah don’t delete, keep for now, for the address, in case we get another, we can keep track of them then” Miho said, Jazz agreeing and moving it into a different folder for now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What do you mean I eat it?” the prince grimaced at the small, gooey ball in his hand.

“It’s mochi, it’s sweet and tastes amazing” I said, trying to get him to try some of the local cuisine, something that was a greater challenge than I expected.

“No thanks, think I’ll pass” and he shoved the mochi to Luke.

I sighed again. This had been a regular occurrence throughout the day. I had taken him to the local market place as a sort of warm up to more intense things in Tokyo, however, everything I offered to him, from Sushi to street food, he would not eat. He would look, and maybe pick it up, but never taste it. If it wasn’t made by his special palace kitchens, then chances are he wouldn’t go near it. Not good enough.

“Of course you’ll pass” I said full of sass.

“What is next on this little adventure to the plebs market?” he asked.

“Alright, first of all, don’t go calling the locals plebs, that can be taken very offensively and second, you agreed to continue the contract, this isn’t a little adventure, this is you trying to understand the culture of this country, you know, to better your own” I argued.

“Ok, calm down, I am trying” he said.

He wasn’t really. I honestly didn’t know how his butlers put up with him so much. He was more than high maintenance, it’s no wonder he didn’t realise what a host was. I didn’t blame him for not knowing, hardly, if you don’t know something you don’t know. But he wasn’t even trying to understand these things. Not even opening up to me slightly. He kept his princely attitude constantly. I had attempted to make jokes with him, to have a laugh, but nothing, he waved his hand to off the joke and kept asking what next, as if it was something on a list. It had only been one day and I was already exhausted. Physically, my feet hurt from all the slow walking and hanging around. Mentally? I was ready to punch the bastard.

I found the prince a little private bench in a nearby park and went to go get some ice cream. I knew Liberty had to have had ice cream at least, safe bet for now. However, Luke came with me this time.

“You holding up ok?” he asked, probably the first nice thing he had asked me.

“Kinda? Does having not punching him yet count as holding up?” I asked in return.

“A little” was that a smile? A genuine one? “I know we moved past it yesterday, but, I would like to apologise myself for not stepping in, as so, please, let me buy these”

“Oh, wow, an ice cream, yeah makes me forgive everything” I said sarcastically.

“I know it doesn’t, but it’s a start? Prince Keith can be a lot to take, but he is a good person, you just…have to loosen him up” Luke advised me.

“How on earth am I meant to loosen up a highly strung king wannabe?” I asked.

“Well” Luke began, giving me my ice cream “he loves karaoke”