#up until then they’d basically never be gendered female and only been gendered neutrally rarely/on request

[totally-not-an-awkward-okapi]

No one could say Dr Jona Ohnn suddenly and completely disappearing from their lab came as a shock. Jona themself had arranged that in that exact scenario 7 months into their disappearance their funeral was to be held, rather than the typical 7 years. They figured that given the danger of their work it would just be easier to get it out of the way quickly. And also that it would be funnier if they did reappear.

They weren’t wrong.

At their funeral, childhood friends recounted with tears in their eyes how they’d unconsciously clamber onto tables to get a better look at science experiments. “Dr Ohnn was like the protagonist of a horse girl movie when it came to science. They knew all the dangers, but those dangers were always worth it to them.” No matter what bizarre theoretical physics puzzle had finally done them in, Jona had undoubtedly been happy to go out like that.

Being a friendly person not taken to keeping secrets or hiding their feelings, Dr Ohnn’s friends were right. As they were ripped apart within a portal of their own creation, Jona was sad only that their research would have to end there.

But then it didn’t.

And Dr Ohnn is oh, oh so very pleased.

They only need some funding now, easily acquired with their new abilities. Just a little more funding. A little more.

The Spot might not be a great nom de plume but hey, they’ve never been a terribly serious person, so it’ll work while they get through the boring part of their work.

[themissemeritus]

Throne - Noctis Lucis Caelum

Pairing: Noctis Lucis Caelum x Reader 

Requested: No

Warnings: Language, at the very end 

Requests: Open

Song: Throne by Bring Me The Horizon

(A/N) - I try to keep these as gender neutral as possible, but unless it’s specifically requested that reader be gender neutral, female pronouns may be used a few times. Ignore it if you want, or come and request. I take reader insert requests as well as personal requests. :))

Remember the moment you left me alone and Broke every promise you ever made I was an ocean, lost in the open Nothing could take the pain away

Noctis’ heart hand long ago been hardened by the burdens of being royal, as well as the many difficulties he faced on his journey to reclaim his kingdom. The war they were fighting was one not easily won, Noctis figured out pretty early on. The young prince had never really understood the point of the war, not until the death of his father, King Regis. With no Caelum heir sitting on the throne, the kingdom was falling into chaos faster than Prompto was taking pictures. The four boys had been travelling together for the longest time, and never in a million years would any of them think that (Y/N) (L/N), an infamous Lucian assassin, would be joining them. 

So you can throw me to the wolves Tomorrow I will come back Leader of the whole pack Beat me black and blue Every wound will shape me Every scar will build my throne

They had crossed paths with (Y/N) on their way to Cindy’s garage, nearly dying in the process. The assassin had been assigned, by a third party gang leader, to take the life of a rival gang leader. Having been informed of her identity prior to the physical meeting, Noctis made sure to put Gladio on watch for any suspicious moves, ulterior motives. With many daemons programmed to take the life of the last remaining Lucis Caelum, it only seemed smart to invite (Y/N) to travel with them. She now sat in the back seat, between Prompto and Noctis, twirling a small blade in her hands. 

“Stop swinging that thing around, you’re going to kill one of us!” Prompto complained, scooting closer to the door on his right. (Y/N) only scoffed. 

“Please, I’m a professionally trained assassin. I know how to wield a blade and not harm a little bird like yourself.” She said, folding the blade back in on itself and pinching Prompto’s nose. The blonde pouted, turning away slightly. Noctis only chuckled at his friend’s antics. 

The sticks and the stones that You used to throw have Built me an empire So don't even try To cry me a river 'Cause I forgive you You are the reason I still fight

Memories of his father replayed in Noctis’ head as they made the long drive to Cindy’s garage, praying that the car wouldn’t break down before then. The king rarely had time for his son, considering all of his kingly duties in which he had to take care of before his own kin; they had servants and nurses for that, right? 

When they had finally made it to the garage, Noctis sat by himself to the side as Cindy fixed the car, with Prompto shamelessly flirting with the woman. (Y/N) sat down next to the youthful royal, sighing as she did so. 

“How is the future king of Lucis doing today?” She asked, receiving a grunt from Noctis before he decided to have a proper conversation. 

“I’m still alive, right?” He chuckled. “That’s what matters, I guess.” He said, looking towards the girl as she blew a (H/C) lock out of her face. 

“I suppose if that’s the best you can do,” She jabbed lightly, elbowing his arm softly. “What’s a prince like you doing hanging out with someone like me? Are you guys really that desperate for fighters?” (Y/N) asked, half joking, half serious. 

So you can throw me to the wolves Tomorrow I will come back Leader of the whole pack Beat me black and blue Every wound will shape me Every scar will build my throne

“Do you really want to sit through a Lucian history lesson?” Noctis laughed. 

“What else do we have to do here, your majesty?” She asked, laughing herself. 

“Well, buckle up. It’s quite the venture,” Noctis replied, turning towards the girl. “It all started a few years ago. I was sent away by my father, who told me that the throne was in trouble, and that he didn’t have much time left. He told me I needed to fight until I reclaimed the throne, until I ‘avenged’ him. I didn’t know what he meant, considering that I was thirteen years old, and he was still alive. Ever since then, we’ve been fighting to get back into the castle, and we’ve had almost no success. The amount of daemons and people who want the royal line dead is almost astounding, although I suppose there’s always enemies of the crown, right? Well, it’s been four years and I haven’t been able to reclaim the kingdom yet. You don’t suppose you could help with that, could you?” Noctis chuckled, trying to cover up the devastation and heartbreak with humor. 

So you can throw me to the wolves Tomorrow I will come back Leader of the whole pack Beat me black and blue Every wound will shape me Every scar will build my throne

(Y/N) smiled. 

“Of course I’ll be here to help. You think I just tagged along for the ride?” She poked fun at the way in which they’d met, with Gladio right under her blade. After a bit of negotiation from Ignis, she ended up in the backseat with a pouting Glagiolus Amicitia in the passenger seat. 

“Good to know,” Noctis said, looking over to Prompto and Cindy, still flirting shamelessly while the engine was being fixed. Gladio and Ignis sat together on a nearby bench, scrolling through whatever seemed interesting on their phones. “Want to go take a walk? I don’t think this will be done for awhile.” Noctis said, standing up and reaching his arm out to (Y/N), who gladly accepted it. The trails outside of the garage lead to many places Noctis didn’t necessarily want to see, considering the amount of daemons out this particular evening. Arm in arm, the pair wandered aimlessly around the town. 

The young prince couldn’t deny the assassin’s beautiful (S/C) features, stealing glances at her as she gazed around the unfamiliar land. He wondered if he would ever be able to accept a love like this again, after the deaths of both his father and betrothed, Lady Lunafreya. The scars left in his heart and mind seemed as if they would never heal; they only built up his anger and need for vengeance towards the neighboring enemy kingdoms, as well as the daemons and droids sent to attack the prince as his accomplices. 

I'll leave you choking On every word you left unspoken Rebuild all that you've broken And now you know I'll leave you choking On every word you left unspoken Rebuild all that you've broken And now you know Every wound will shape me Every scar will build my throne

Noctis stopped the pair abruptly, confusing the young girl beside him. He turned to her with a nervous, yet adventurous, glint in his eyes. 

“What’s up?” (Y/N) said, offering him a small smile. Her features were lit up by the setting evening sun, giving her (S/K) edges a golden glow. Noctis sighed, and then took in another deep breath. 

“Uhm,” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Finally deciding on his decision, even if it meant certain death. “I’m sorry about this.” He said. There was a slight objection from (Y/N), wanting to know what the problem was, until the Lucian heir interrupted her thoughts and words with his lips on hers. A surprising, yet certainly not unwelcome, gift. 

For the first time in years, Noctis felt nearly whole again as his mouth moved against (Y/N)’s, his hands pulling her closer by her hips while her hands slid up his body until they found their way into his black hair. 

He paid no mind to his past, or the tasks at hand; all that mattered in this moment was that she made him feel, well, good. That was something that the young prince hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever; and he wouldn’t change a thing about it. 

So you can throw me to the wolves Tomorrow I will come back Leader of the whole pack Beat me black and blue Every wound will shape me Every scar will build my throne

Holy shit, this was so goddamn bad and I’m so sorry. My first few pieces probably will be shit, I’m not even going to lie. Requests are rarely closed so feel free to hit me up with anything you want to see on this blog. I don’t really have any restrictions besides your basic rule against shit like sexism, homophobia, and racism. Thanks for reading, catch ya later ;))

[tlbodine]

Three 1970s Horrors Worth Watching (that are not part of this film series)

The Horror by the Decade series started innocuously enough, with someone requesting some recent film recommendations. That got me to thinking about trends, and recommendations from previous decades, and how many movies that were true classics I was familiar with but had never seen, and thus the idea “hey, let’s watch movies from every decade!” came into being. 

But obviously you can’t watch every horror movie from every year, so there had to be a selection process in place. Here’s roughly how I’ve been choosing movies: 

Search Google for “horror movies {year}” for each year of the decade 

Research them a bit and pick out everything that is familiar, historically significant, or seems especially interesting, and put them on a list

Pare the list down to 1-2 of the most interesting titles per year 

Look for themes and pair movies up according to theme (since we watch two movies a week)

In order to save time, any movie that both I and @comicreliefmorlock have seen recently/a lot gets knocked off the list. In the 1970s, that means removing three extremely good, extremely important movies, so I wanted to talk about them a bit here. 

Follow below the cut for thoughts on Jaws, The Exorcist, and Alien

Jaws, made in 1975 by Steven Spielberg, is based on a novel of the same name written by  Peter Benchley. Richard Dreyfuss and Roy Scheider team up to kill an unusually large and aggressive great white shark that is terrorizing the beach in a quiet New England town. 

Fun fact: Until Star Wars was released two years later, Jaws was the highest-grossing movie of all time! This is probably due in part to how much money Universal decided to sink into its distribution and marketing, but the film’s quality has to play a big part too. It really is a magnificent movie and is probably a big part of why people are still scared of sharks. 

Some things that are notable about Jaws: 

It has one of the most iconic and effective film scores in cinema. Everyone knows the Jaws theme, and it’s been used to basically mean “impending danger!” in a jokey way for...I mean, at least 30 years, because I know that was a meme when I was a kid. I imagine it has been since 1975. That’s just a really impressive feat, and John Williams (yes, the Star Wars guy) deserves acclaim for it. 

Music aside, Jaws is an excellent study in suspense and restraint. Technological limitations meant they couldn’t show the shark as much as they’d wanted, so scenes had to be filmed suggestively to ramp up the tension. (You do still get to see a lot of wonderful big scary shark, though, and honestly the effects still hold up pretty well to this day) 

The performances are really good, too. The leads have a great chemistry and play off of each other really well. The script was a joint effort, getting passes from several people (including the book’s author), but a comedian  Carl Gottlieb got a pass at it, and that humor really helps to elevate the film. 

The most powerful thing about Jaws, though, is that it taps into a mythic seed that renders it utterly timeless. There is an echo of Moby Dick in Quint’s character and motives, with a similarly tragic arc. But it draws on something older and deeper, too. The premise of “man-eating wild animal terrorizes a community, a bounty is put on its head, only a hero can kill it” has been a staple of mythology for thousands of years. 

Man-eaters are real, and they become the stuff of legend -- dating at least as far back to the monstrous Nemean Lion that could be slain only by Heracles. Historically, there are accounts of man-eating wolves, lions, tigers, etc. terrorizing locals, sometimes inspiring local werewolf legends - you can read about just a few of them here: https://listverse.com/2010/10/16/top-10-worst-man-eaters-in-history/ 

I think I watched Jaws for the first time when I was 8 (I saw all the sequels too, there was a cable marathon) and I was utterly captivated. I feel pretty confident if I showed it to an 8-year-old today, they would be too. It’s just that kind of movie. 

The Exorcist, released in 1973 and directed by  William Friedkin, was based on a novel by  William Peter Blatty, who also wrote the screenplay. 

The story is about a 12-year-old girl, Regan, who begins acting strangely after playing with a ouija board. Once medical causes are ruled out, her mother turns to two priests for assistance; they come to perform the exorcism and have a harder time than expected with casting out the demon, to say the least. 

The film is still considered one of the most frightening horror movies of all time by some, and at the time of its release it was a sensation. Movie-goers were said to have all sorts of reactions, from fainting and vomiting to having miscarriages and heart attacks. Contemporary psychologists even wrote about “cinematic neurosis” in people who had watched the film: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1151359

The story crossed a lot of boundaries (even for the 1970s) and you have to bear in mind that this was a major cinematic release, not a grindhouse exploitation film. Most film-goers in 1973 were absolutely not prepared to see an innocent child spouting off vulgarity, urinating on the floor, and masturbating with a crucifix. And some of the practical effects, like the famous head-twisting scene, are still really creepy. 

This is one of those movies that’s hard to watch with fresh eyes because it was so influential on all of cinema to follow. If you like demonic possession movies, this is the film that started it all. I know religious people who are deeply afraid of this movie and won’t allow it in their home for fear of inviting real demons, so, that’s the kind of staying power the story has. 

** As an atheist, I am not particularly frightened of demon movies, and I suspect I will never fully grasp the real terror of watching something like this for people who believe that these types of things happen in real life. The Exorcist is definitely not the scariest movie I’ve ever seen, but I can respect that it definitely is for many other people. 

Fun trivia: The Exorcist is considered by some to be cursed because the cast and crew had an unusually tough time with filming: the set caught fire (but Regan’s room was undamaged), several actors were injured during practical stunts/effects, several people died during filming or in post-production (not on set), and the demon’s voice actor experienced an awful tragedy years later when her son killed wife, kids, and himself: http://www.the13thfloor.tv/2015/12/02/is-the-exorcist-movie-cursed/

The events are all most likely coincidental (and on a long enough timeline, everyone involved with a project will be dead!) but it lends power to the suspicion that this was A Very Cursed Movie That God Doesn’t Want You To Watch, which makes it all the more frightening. 

Alien, directed by Ridley Scott, came out in 1979 and is so powerful that it’s still a popular franchise today, spawning books, movies, video games, merchandise, and more. 

The story is essentially a haunted house film set in space. A commercial space crew is woken from stasis by the ship's on-board computer to answer a distress signal, discovering a derelict alien ship and founding a chamber of eggs belonging to an aggressive, parasitic alien creature that infests a crew member with its egg, which later hatches violently from his body, grows up, and proceeds to terrorize the ship. 

It's a tense cat-and-mouse game of searching for the alien as it picks off crew members one by one, and the music, atmosphere, and visuals are all compelling, with effects that still hold up pretty well for modern audiences. But what makes Alien especially significant is the performance of Sigourney Weaver as Ripley. 

We’d had scream queens before -- female horror protagonists who survive as “final girls” against the mayhem and slaughter -- but Ripley is something different. She is badass, heroic in a way that girls rarely got to see themselves, and laying down a template for strong female characters in future cinema (for better or worse). 

The script was reportedly written to be gender neutral, with no assumptions about casting, which allowed Ripley to defy gender norms and expectations. But despite this supposed gender neutrality, there is a definite flavor of female horror in Alien -- which is, after all, a movie about forced impregnation and death at the hands of a decidedly phallic monster. 

And that is, I think, probably right at the heart of the film’s sticking power. Science fiction can swiftly become dated as our knowledge of the universe expands, but the horror of Alien isn’t really the aliens so much as what they represent -- and sad to say, sexual violence is something we humans may never understand. Here’s a fun essay on the topic: https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/film/2019/03/forty-years-what-can-ridley-scott-s-alien-teach-metoo-generation

So, there you have it. Three movies we will not be watching in our film series, but which you absolutely should check out if you somehow haven’t seen them. 

[sage-the-mage]

Sometimes the littlest things that happen when you're young can have massive impact on you when you're older.

So I've been thinking a lot lately. About my childhood, mostly, trying to figure out why it is that I am the way I am.

I'm nonbianary. While I've never really felt like much of a girl, it took me until this last year to fully realize it. And even now, I'm hesitant to tell people. On here, I have no issue being who I am and proud of it. But irl, very few people know. My wife knows, obviously, and a few of our friends know too, and all of them use my preferred name, Sage, instead of my birth name. A couple other people met me after I'd come out to my wife and friends, and they know me as Sage, but not that I'm nonbianary. And no one really ever uses the right pronouns, and I'm always too afraid of upsetting everyone to correct them. I mean, my wife tries when she remembers. One of the friends I told is just bad at remembering, it was honestly a bit of a struggle to get her used to the correct name. And the other two I remember telling don't see us as much to get used to it, on top of never hearing the right ones.

No one in my family, or my wife's, knows. Her grandpa, who we live with, is older and we know wouldn't really understand it, so I never really intended to tell him. He's out on the road a lot so it's not a big deal anyway, plus as everyone's gotten used to calling me Sage, when he's home everyone seems to use that and Meg interchangeably, so he's sorta picked up on that and will call me that sometimes. My mom and my grandparents and all the rest of them still know me entirely as Meg though. And I want to tell them, I really do. They're my family, they raised me, they're honestly a tolerant bunch, especially considering the area we live in. But the idea causes me anxiety.

Just like the idea of telling anyone at all did.

Just like deciding on a new name did.

Just like the idea of telling anyone that doesn't already know.

Just like how as much as I'd like to throw a stuffed animal and pout at anyone referring to me as she or girl, instead I sit back quietly because I'm afraid of stirring up trouble or causing any upset.

But, why am I like this? My mom was my best friend, I used to tell her everything, surely I should at least be able to tell her? And if any of my siblings ever have gender identity issues, I'm sure having a sibling that understands would help them immensely. I've had these thoughts running through my head for ages, but only now am I really acknowledging them.

For as long as I can remember, I saw most things as either boy things or girl things, with very few things that both were allowed to like (silly bands being one of the few "both" things.) I thought that girls weren't allowed to like boy things, and same for boys with girl things. I thought it was an actual rule, too. I don't know how or why exactly this got started, but I'll bet it had something to do with always being taken to the girls section for toys and clothes, to the point I didn't think I could go into the others.

I repressed a lot of my likes and interests. Sure I liked Barbies and playing with them and a lot of most of my other "girl" toys, but I would've loved playing with toy cars, not that I'd have admitted it then. I liked climbing trees and getting dirty, and yes I thought those were boys activities. I wanted to play sports. I did wind up playing basketball in third grade when I found out there was a girls basketball club, and around fifth grade I did climb trees and stopped worrying so much about getting dirty after I saw girls my age playing like that. By then I'd started realizing it wasn't so clear cut.

I said I hated superheroes, despite my favorite show being Kim Possible, a superhero/spy type. And, once I discovered it, I loved Teen Titans, and my excuse for why was because there were two female heroes as part of the main characters. I adamantly denied liking any other superheroes until I was thirteen and saw Danny Phantom and Iron Man Armored Adventures. After that I finally gave up the pretenses of hating superheroes, at least to myself, and to others a few years later.

In forth grade, I found a show, Bakugon I think is what it was called, probably spelled entirely wrong, that I wound up loving and watched before school. When it stopped airing at that time though, I didn't look to find out when it did, because I was afraid of my own mother judging me for liking boyish things, even though I knew she had said stuff before about parents judging their kids for liking stuff commonly associated with the other gender being wrong and stupid. To this day, this is the first I've told anyone about this, aside from maybe mentioning it once to my wife, if that.

Over the years, I've collected a fairly big wardrobe, a few things I've gotten myself or my mom got me, most of it coming from my grandma though. And it's all highly feminine, because while I did and do like that it was expected for that to be all I liked. Some days the thought of wearing my hyper feminine wardrobe was so off putting I'd stay in my pajamas all day, because at least that didn't involve effort. Other days, I'd find some skinny jeans and hope I still had a fairly plain t-shirt to wear, because that was a pretty neutral look. Or I'd stay in my work clothes. Or I'd be feeling like looking feminine and make full use of what I did have.

The thought that I wasn't really a girl was always there. For as long as I can remember, at the back of my mind was the nagging feeling that, while I liked enough feminine things and I certainly wasn't a boy, I didn't really feel like a girl. I would cringe when people would say I was such a cute girl, such a beautiful young woman, I'd grown into such a wonderful lady. Because that's the sort of thing I'd hear from people, any compliment for some reason needing to bring up my gender, as though that was important. Why couldn't I just be called cute, say I've gotten so big or mature, a beautiful young adult? And, furthermore, why was it always pretty and beautiful used for girls and women, but handsome was reserved for the boys? Maybe sometimes I want to be called handsome, or at least feel like it's a possibility to be called that. I always preferred being referred to as a kid, my mom's child, one of the grandbabies, instead of daughter or anything like that. Niece never bothered me so much, mostly because I don't really know much of an alternative,(similarly, I'll probably be called Aunt by my siblings' children) and I could go either way with sister vs sibling, because sister sounds a touch more personal but sibling is neutral like I'd prefer, and not that impersonal sounding. And I'm sure I'll be Mommy or Mama or even just Mom to my kids because calling a parent parent sounds fucking weird, though I might go with Ma because it's not as commonly used anymore and that's among the first sounds a kid makes anyway, or make something up or maybe people will have a gender neutral set of parent tiles like Mom and Dad and the variations of those by then, I mean I can hope right. Wow this got off track but my point is I've never felt like girl was the right thing for me to be called, for as long as I can remember it's felt wrong, but up until just a few years ago I didn't know that neither boy nor girl was even an option, and until earlier this year for those thoughts to really edge their way to the front of my mind to make me confront them.

And I'm happy I've found an identity that fits me, I really am. But I'm so terrified that everyone that doesn't know would judge me if I told them because I'm supposed to be a girl, I've always been a girl, and basically those childhood thoughts my family accidentally brought forth by always taking me to the girl sections and buying me girly things and never even walking me through the boys sections until my first brother was born, when I was 10 and already deep in the mindset, those thoughts and fears just won't leave. And I can't help thinking that maybe the reason why the people who do know rarely use the right pronouns because they don't believe me, they think I'm lying or something because I still show feminine interests, I wear mostly feminine clothes because I can't afford to get rid of most of my wardrobe and buy new stuff that's more neutral and balanced like I'd like it to be, and my fear of that along with the days when I don't look feminine kicking in has lead to me wearing my wife's sweatpants and shirts a lot. And it certainly doesn't help that large boobs run in my family, and I can't even afford or know where to look for a binder to keep them down, so I rely on too small sports bras and baggy jackets and hoodies when I'm not in the mood for them. I mean I don't want them gone entirely, for when I'm wanting to look feminine, but I'd like them a lot smaller so they for one don't hurt my back, and for two they'd be easier to hide with a slightly loose fitting shirt and a sports bra that actually fit or something for when I don't want to.

Wow this got really long but like. There it is. This has been on my mind for days now.