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#until the point it just didn't work anymore
jo-harrington · 2 days
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Become What You Were Meant To Be (Eddie Munson)
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Word Count: 2.4k
Themes/Warnings: Modern!Eddie, Older!Eddie, set in the mid-2010s, fandom lingo, nerd lingo, Star Wars, typical childhood bullying, angst, minor FOI reference, some canon divergence, coming of age themes, probably poorly written and not edited at all
Note: Happy Birthday to one of the backbones of this fandom, who supports and encourages so many of us, whose endless friendship I am so grateful for. Someone who has absolute endless creativity but doesn't give herself enough credit and grace, who is secretly sitting in the background pulling the strings on some of the best stories I've read and I've written. My muse, my life, my world, my cheeseburger. @fracturedarkness
Thanks to @dr-aculaaa for the beta.
You can find my masterlist here.
Please do not interact if you are not 18+.
Enjoy!
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Eddie Munson was a nerd.
Point blank, end of story.
It was one of those badges he wore along with Freak and loser and...well, you get the gist of it. But it was a badge worn with pride. He owned his identity. Wasn't afraid to show everyone he came across who he was.
It hadn't always been that way.
There used to be a time when it felt like the worst thing in the world to be a nerd like that. The kids bullied him because he got overly excited talking about his favorite characters and favorite books that they found boring. They all teased him when he wrote stories about exciting heroes from fantastical worlds in English class, even though the teacher told him that his stories were ambitious and imaginative. And when he spent lunch doodling in his notebook instead of playing kickball or foursquare? Well, you get the point.
"You're so weird." They mocked him. "You're a freak. Draw normal things. Like normal things. Why can't you just be normal?"
It was cruel, in the way that children naively become perpetrators of cruelness. And it made Eddie sad.
Because what did that mean? He couldn't draw normal things, or like normal things, or do normal things. Then he wouldn't be himself anymore.
And that was the point where he decided normal was overrated. Why would he want to be normal when he could be...anything else.
He could pretend he was one of the Pevensies upon a throne at Cair Paravel. Or one of the Ghostbusters. Or a Jedi...
Of course, he couldn't actually be anything else; he was stuck being boring, old, nerdy Eddie Munson.
It wasn't until middle school--you know, middle school, when everyone decides to embrace who they are and become an individual--that he decided being Eddie Munson wasn't all that bad after all.
This epiphany definitely didn't happen after a Hot Topic opened up at StarCourt Mall. No sir. Not when one of the older kids that worked there, sporting armfuls of tattoos and a lip ring, told him the pen drawings on the toe caps of his sneakers were cool. Of course not. And not after he used the last bit of his birthday money to buy a cool band t-shirt and colored hair gel. Pssshhh...
So on the first day of 8th grade, he showed up rocking his dad's old leather jacket--the one that practically swallowed him--jeans that he ripped himself and a poor excuse for a mohawk, ready to accept the Freak label proudly.
He also accepted detention for breaking the dress code.
And a grounding from Wayne for cutting up a nice pair of jeans.
And a buzzcut because he'd done that poor of a job of cutting his hair for that mohawk.
But he'd gained a friend.
Several friends actually.
Ronnie Ecker and Doug Teague. They were both in the same grade as him, and shared many classes. And it might have been a little embarrassing, but a sixth grader named Jeff who told Eddie that he was his hero. That made Eddie feel like he was on top of the world!
They were friends that stayed with him all through high school, and when he repeated his senior year twice, even more joined the mix along the way.
Band kids and science fair nerds and...and...and...
He called them his sheepies, and he their shepherd clad in black band tees and ripped jeans.
And Eddie?
Eddie just got nerdier.
Got weirder.
Dug himself deeper into the pit of stark individualism that the close-minded town of Hawkins didn't know how to react to.
It was glorious.
He listened to music that made other kids cringe and turn away and neighbors complain about the noise; he liked it so much that he made his friends start a band with him. They played at every single school talent show until they graduated; they never won and sometimes people tried to plug their ears, but to Eddie and his friend, their sound and that stage was exactly what their hearts yearned for. To them, the auditorium might as well have been Madison Square Garden.
He started playing Dungeons and Dragons--started a club of his own design, Hellfire--when he found the guidebooks on a dusty shelf at the library. They were seemingly untouched since their initial publication in the 70s, but they were like a key that unlocked something inside of Eddie. Something that he seemed to have forgotten along the way of reclaiming the name "Freak."
Through DnD, the imaginary worlds that he left behind early in his adolescence opened their doors to him once again.
And his friends, his players, never made fun of him for knowing the ins and outs of the worlds of their fantasies. Worlds like Greyhawk and Faerûn.
Worlds like a certain galaxy far...far away...
---
Eddie's re-entrance into the world of Star Wars had been...an interesting one to say the least.
To Eddie, Star Wars meant the original trilogy. Cut, print, sign the check.
When he thought of Jedi, he thought of Luke Skywalker and Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan and a puppet Yoda. And of course he thought of the dreaded Darth Vader.
Yeah he had his books from the library, a whole extended universe with Mara Jade and Jacen and Jaina. But he'd missed out on the prequels growing up; from being a little too young to see them in theaters, to the whole fiasco of his mother's passing right before Revenge of the Sith had premiered.
As he got older, the need to see them just wasn't there, and hearing from friends and enemies alike that it wasn't anything to write home about was the nail in the coffin.
Until he met one Dustin Henderson.
It was the Jar Jar Binks t-shirt he wore on the first day of his freshman year that got Eddie's attention.
"What is that?" he flicked a finger against the graphic as he ran into Dustin and his friends in the lunch line. "Something from that new Star Trek movie?"
Cue a whole rant about the Gungans and the Separatists and an inter-galactic conflict that made Eddie happily fold Dustin and his band of nerds into the protection of the Hellfire Club.
Eddie still refused to watch the prequels, no matter how much Dustin begged.
"I like it when you guys talk about them," Eddie shrugged off the pleas. "Even better when you guys act out the whole fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan. I'd sell my left nut to relive seeing you and Lucas do that in Wheelers basement; it was the best day of my life Henderson, I swear to god. There's no way the movies could actually beat that."
He hasn’t expected that those little idiots would trick him into a movie marathon for Lucas's birthday.
Even Gareth was in on the whole plan. Traitor.
But it was the beginning of the end.
From the movies to the books to the cartoons, Eddie's love of Star Wars was rekindled. He even spent a short stint as a gamer playing The Old Republic on the old PC that was tucked into the corner of the trailer.
And when a new movie was announced, Eddie happily took his nerd-dom to the next level.
Yes, he was the one to suggest they all dress up for the midnight showing of The Force Awakens, but if anyone asked it was Mike.
He spent hours on a stupid Boba Fett costume. It was a different set of skills to the mini-figures he was used to crafting for DnD. He had to think on a different scale. Hot glue and spray paint and too much cardboard. Only to find real cosplayers used foam, not cardboard. His paychecks from Thatcher Tires went straight to the project, until he had something halfway decent for the premiere.
"What?" he laughed along with his friends when they joked about the hot glue spiderwebs that he'd been too lazy to clean up. "It's not like I'll have to do this again; we're not dressing up next time."
Or so he thought...
There was something so magical about sitting in a movie theater, in the middle of December, at midnight, surrounded by other people who decided to dress up for the occasion, and a few dozen plastic lightsabers all lit up.
To listen to the theme, to read the crawl on a big screen, to see the camera pan down into the vastness of stars...
This was what it was to be a nerd.
There was something extra special about finding a new favorite character. Something that touched something deep down inside of you when you saw something of yourself in them.
And Eddie had always been drawn to the villains. Whether in the media he consumed or the characters he created for DnD. He knew why; he wasn't totally oblivious. To be the hero of his own story, he often had to become a villain to someone else.
Besides, villains always had a little bit more fun.
So when Kylo Ren first made his way on screen, Eddie knew that he was done for.
The mask, the lightsaber, the Dark Side of the Force, the anger...how many times had he almost given in to the anger he felt at being mocked and teased. He'd overcome that time and again; what if he'd just given in?
There was also something about being Al Munson Han Solo's son.
Yeah. He could understand the anger there.
But then he was also Elizabeth Leia's son...the conflict.
It took Eddie a few days to get over the initial flurry of thoughts after seeing Force Awakens for the first time. That was when he realized he needed to see it again. And again. A matinee showing on Christmas Eve with Wayne, who he also treated to lunch. The last showing on a Thursday in January. Another outing with the guys, refusing to admit that he'd already seen it a few times between opening night and then.
Thankfully, this time, Mike was the mastermind behind their plans for the next movie as they waited for the previews to finish.
"So," Mike sat up straight. "I think I wanna get an early dibs on dressing up like Poe when Episode 8 comes out."
"I think I wanna try my hand at making an Admiral Ackbar costume," Dustin said with utter confidence, and then turned to Eddie. "What about you?"
It caught Eddie off-guard for a second; should he just say Kylo? Did they expect him to want to dress up as anyone else? Maybe they thought that he would want to be Poe, leader of their misfit group as he was.
"Eddie's obviously Kylo," Jeff piped up. Eddie's head immediately turned to him. "What? Don't think we didn't watch you drool over that lightsaber last time."
"And his ship?" Gareth cackled one seat over. "Fuck the Falcon. I swear, if you could turn the van into something that looked like that ship..."
"Oh my god, you're right!" Lucas cackled.
"Hey I think I could figure out a pretty convincing Snoke," Eddie argued, trying to deflect their teasing, but secretly pleased that he'd gotten exactly what he wanted.
And that his friends knew him so well.
---
For two years, Eddie worked on his costume.
Two. Years.
He was practically a different person by the time of the Last Jedi's opening night.
And yeah his motivation faltered, but he never quit.
It was strange, the need to perfect the costume. He’d almost given up many times. When there was a certain skill he wasn't good at or when he'd felt like it would never be finished. Every time, he felt like that silly kid who everyone just told to be normal. To like normal things.
He was growing up. He was a grown up! Shouldn’t he be passed all of this…silliness? Everyone else in the world seemed to think so, as they put away all the frivolities of childhood. Were they working round the clock and pricking their fingers on needles and burning themselves with hot glue?
Probably not.
Eddie found himself still stuck there, watching a world lose its joy and think that it was normal, and he always wondered if he should try to be normal too. For once in his life. The first time in his life.
But every time he thought about letting it all go, about putting his dream aside...something would come and drive him to keep going.
New promotional images, a new trailer. Especially the ones focused on Kylo himself.
"Let the past die," Kylo Ren grumbled in the voice over. "Kill it if you have to."
That became Eddie's driving force.
He owed it to himself to finish. He owed it to his younger self...not to let his dream die...to keep being weird and nerdy and happy.
"Let the past die," Eddie told himself as he stitched the hem of the tunic the week before opening night.
"Kill it if you have to," he said as he distressed the plastic helmet that he'd ordered, giving it the right amount of realism so it didn't just look like something so fake and commercial.
"Let the past die," his child self muttered, front teeth missing from the day Johnny B pushed him over on the playground because he was playing superheroes wrong. Eddie put a hand on his head and then stepped into his boots.
"Kill it if you have to," his preteen self urged him, self-assured, mohawk looking stupider than he realized way back when. Eddie flicked his ear good-naturedly before adjusting the cape on his shoulders.
There he stood--Eddie Munson, the young man, the freak, the nerd--in his bedroom before the mirror. He was adorned in pieces of foam and layers of fabric from the craft store, helmet tucked under his arm.
But in the mirror itself? There was Kylo Ren...there he was as Kylo Ren. In the hallway of a Star Destroyer, layered in armor and the shadows of the Dark Side itself, like he was ready for a battle with the Resistance.
Ready for the battle within himself.
But there was no battle, and the armor was actually Eddie's skin. This was his real self, his true self. All of his work came to fruition, all of the time and effort that he put into the craft. Not just two years working on a costume, but an entire lifetime poured into becoming an Eddie Munson who proudly wore the title nerd and freak and loser.
The destroyer melted away, and he was back in his bedroom once again. Surrounded by posters and books and drawings, by all of his crafts and his guitars and his endless clutter.
He smiled at himself, feeling lighter than he had in a long time.
Eddie Munson was a nerd, and as he lit the lightsaber and he was washed in a glow of crackling red light, he knew that this was who he was always meant to be.
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How would the skeletons react to a selective mute S/O?
Main 10 plz
Undertale Sans - He doesn't mind at all. He's not great at talking either, he's really fine just signing with you if you want to. Sans is a fast learner and he likes to think of it like a special language you both have that no one else can understand. Well, except for some other people, like Frisk he realized after the kid ran to tell Toriel and Papyrus that Sans is in love lmao.
Undertale Papyrus - He's very patient and gives you time to focus on your words when he sees you really want to say something to him. Other than that, he's fine signing with you. He's good at reading people's so most of the time you don't even have to sign for him to understand what you want. He's covering you up when you're outside. Don't worry, he can talk for the two of you, he's fine at that.
Underswap Sans - Honey was a selectively mute child so he's used to it. It amazes you how fast he adapted to you. Blue is a very comforting guy to start with and makes sure you feel safe around him so you can talk if you want. He can be mad easily if people are mocking you as well. He struggled his entire childhood with Honey and failed to protect him from all of this, but not anymore. It feels like a second chance.
Underswap Papyrus - Oh he understands it very well. Honey was selectively mute as a child, and he still is in some situations, even though he worked a lot on this growing up. He could never blame you for not having enough strength to talk as he knows how much strength it takes to talk to people. You're actually trying to help the other with their anxiety, and you try to get better with it. You're quite the pair.
Underfell Sans - It will take a little time to adapt and Red accidentally being a jerk to you a few times for him finally getting how you work. He still messes up from time to time, but now that you're in a relationship, you know he's not doing it on purpose. He's just really bad at socializing, a bit like you, but on another level. Red doesn't know why you're so nice to him and forgiving him every time, but at least, he's learning and tries to be better. Being a natural chatterbox, he's protecting you from unwanted interactions, usually by insulting people until they leave. He feels useful like this, so you don't have the heart to tell him to stop.
Underfell Papyrus - He bought you a notepad and a special hoodie with answers to common questions so you can just point the answer to you when he's talking. Edge adapts really fast, he's good at it, and he tries to find original ways to help you communicate. He could give the whole world to his S/O, being selective mute is not a problem at all.
Horrortale Sans - He's not a big talker himself because talking takes him a lot of energy. He didn't know selective mutism was a thing, and now he's kinda mimicking you, learning how to sign and not forcing himself to talk anymore if he doesn't want to. You actually opened his eyes to a lot of things and he feels a little more confident now that he has other ways to communicate.
Horrortale Papyrus - He used to do this with his brother and the people in the retirement home so it's no big deal. Who knows, maybe he can pretend to a world record if he keeps doing that. Willow is naturally kind and empathetic, and he doesn't have high self-esteem himself, so he can perfectly understand being scared of the people around him, as not all of them are nice and patient. He still hopes you can feel safe enough to talk freely around him someday.
Swapfell Sans - A part of his job is to adapt to people so he's adapting pretty fine. He knows sign language and he's very observant so it's not difficult to understand when you need his attention. Nox is very careful and always makes sure you're comfortable with things before proceeding. He usually divert people's attention on him when it's clear you don't want to interact and he doesn't hesitate to bring you home in the middle of a social event if he notices you're too overwhelmed.
Swapfell Papyrus - It's a bit complicated for him as respecting boundaries is not his biggest quality. Rus is going to need a few try and errors to test the limit of what he can and can't do with you. It doesn't help he doesn't really know how to apologize to you. That's going to be a complex first few months, but he's learning, more or less!
Fellswap Gold Sans - He's still adjusting. Wine is very vocal and dramatic, so he's still a bit unsure how to act around you since you're not expressing much. He's not the nicest person around and can sometimes make you a bit uncomfortable with his spicy side. However, since Coffee is a selective mute as well, he knows when he goes too far and tries to adjust his behavior to not make you distressed. He's as protective with you as he is with Coffee though, which can be suffocating.
Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He never thought humans could be like he is and it's so disturbing it's stressing him out the first few weeks. After that, he calms down and you two start to find your own ways to communicate. You even created your own sign language and love language so you both can retreat if it gets too overwhelming.
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taylorspoetry · 1 year
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shannonsketches · 27 days
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something something foils moving in opposite directions Goku's always happy to seek and fight stronger opponents because he spent most of his life being the strongest guy in the room and Vegeta wants to be the strongest/is always exhausted to find stronger opponents because he spent most of his life having to navigate his survival around the whims of the strongest guy in the universe room and so Goku has a foundation of safety and stability and so spends his time craving challenge and adventure and Vegeta has a foundation of challenge and adventure and spends his time craving safety and stability and the overlaid section of their venn diagram is that the only way they know how acquire and maintain those things is through battle
#thank you this has been the laziest media analysis post of my career#dbtag#media analysis#something something a game to goku is a threat to vegeta etc#there's a pinned thought here about how Vegeta also didn't learn about the dragon balls until he was ?? 30?? and so all loss is permanent#and goku has been familiar since he was ~12 and hasn't faced a permanent consequence since he was 10 years old and even then he got closure#sometimes I think about how Vegeta saw Trunks die and how Krillin was mad at him for reacting since they could fix it with the dragon balls#but Vegeta has very limited experience with the dragon so to him in that moment that was permanent and Trunks was Dead. Forever.#And we talked before in a 2am post about Vegeta having never experienced grief born of love and I stand by it because his feelings then wer#still very new and very odd and not something he'd accepted until that moment so it was raw power but not as powerful as it could've been#all this to say in my heart of hearts I think Vegeta deserves to retire at the end of super (if super continues) -- not as a warrior#but as an infantryman. he's a prince and now he's got his domain and his family and his planet to look after and I think he deserves#to go home and stay home and help piccolo bully gohan into training more often when goku inevitably leaves to hop the multiverse#geets wanted to take a sabbatical when Bulla was born but didn't get the chance because Freeza coming back freaked him out too much#but whether freeza gets a redemption arc or gets defeated -- Granolah's arc seemed to shift his perspective on being the strongest#and I just grips fist I just think it would be a really nice full circle for Vegeta to inherit his throne in a way he never expected and#finally get his kingdom to look after and protect in the way that he was looking forward to being king of his own planet all those years ag#Goku's got Broly and Jiren and Hit and all the others to keep him busy and happy now -- and if Freeza gets a redemption arc he'll probably#continue playing slap-ass with Goku for the rest of his life -- and Vegeta's got Gohan and Piccolo and Goten and Trunks#I just think them getting a nice bittersweet 'This is where we part ways' would be really nice for both of them because !!#They couldn't have done this without each other. They couldn't have known this kind of life was possible without each other.#So they swap lots and live happier than they ever imagined they could be#especially since Vegeta has proved to himself that he can close any gap Goku creates in progress that's not a concern anymore#And obvs the door's always open!! There's no point closing it Vegeta's tried the locks they don't work on Goku#anyway here's me putting the whole essay in the tags again#this isn't an essay as much as it is stream of consciousness tag blogging#anyway i'm too lazy to write fic or draw comics so we get ramblings instead
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homosexualcitron · 8 months
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Hii i had no power until 1-2am and no internet until now!! But now i have yipee nothing happened today, it was even sunny! And despite that, we have no water since this morning, this is the only thing we are lacking rn! Other than that, everything is all good, we didn't have a lot to eat during the cyclone but now the stores will be open again so it should be ok
So it seems like it's all over now, we are just waiting for water! (it won't be drinkeable for some time but we have a filter for that so it won't be a problem!)
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aberooski · 1 year
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It's astounding how one thing can ruin your entire day and destroy your entire emotional state.
#every single fucking time i try to apply for something i get ghosted or rejected#like i fucking get it i have no value or place in society you can stop throwing it in my face already#and every single time my whole family is just all ''you just have to keep looking you'll find something it'll be fine''#fuck right off with that shit#it's gotten to the point that I'm sobbing in my bedroom because I got rejected by the fucking aldis down the street from my house#and for a fucking part time position at that. I get it. i didn't work until college then only worked on campus. and went to school for music#but i have too much anxiety to be a teacher and am just not that kind of person. i have no skills or experience so fuck even trying for#anything even remotely halfway decent#I haven't worked in over a year since I graduated and the longer it gets the harder it is to get back into working yknow?#your value just decreases every fucking second so no one will give me the time of fucking day#i kinda had a job for like a fucking week last month that I didn't even want I was pushed into it and I hated it and cried so much#every day I actually almkst made myself sick from the crying and intense anxiety and then a week in they were like hey we like you and all#you're a good person and a very nice girl you're just no right for here so we're firing you essentially. so now I'm even more fucked#I've never felt more lost and more like the universe had no place for me anymore#and being in singing in the rain at my community theater was the only good thing I had in my life where I felt I had a place again#but the show's over now so I'm back to having nothing and nowhere and just don’t know what to do anymore#no wonder I can't fucking write anymore I'm just too sad all the time#abby's self deprication hour#abby's serious corner#I did make some progress in the mario crossover the other day when I felt pretty good actually though so that's something right?#I'm trying I really am
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beesinspades · 2 months
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my acid reflux issues had improved sooo much these past 8 months, I only took a rennie (equivalent of tums) every three weeks or so (usually the week before my shot or my "period", funnily enough), but these past couple of weeks I need to take one every couple of days 😭😭😭 why me......
no more space in tags so i'll just write it here: also around the time I did the ct scan (for my nerve-something pain that I'm getting an MRI for at the end of the month....third MRI in less than a year 🙄) the guy made me take ibuprofen three times a day for five days so he also had me take PPI blockers again for 10 days.....and boom two weeks later I have acid reflux again!! WEIRD TIMING!!!!!
also I still drink 99% water. I really feel victimized by this situation.
#i don't have my period anymore but you know. that time in the cycle#beelio rants#also i had a ct scan of that whole area a little over four weeks ago iirc#for something unrelated#but the report mentioned a bunch of my organs like kidneys liver pancreas etc#and it said Nothing about my stomach#so if there was something bad they would've seen it right......#honestly i'm just assuming I have some mild form of gerd at this point#it's always some time after i eat something#except it's super inconsistent??? like I'll eat one thing one day and I'll have reflux#and then i'll eat it again the next day (leftovers you know) or another time completely and I'll have Nothing#make it make sense#it feels so random#though usually the culprits are pastries and greasy stuff (not fries cooked twice in oil for whatever reason)#but again it doesn't happen every time!!!#EUGH#everything else is super random#spicy food is fine#pizza is fine 50% of the time#i don't know!!!!#i'm just so tired of this#i'm scared it'll damage my oesophagus ;a; or i get an ulcer....#but i don't want to go back on PPI blockers that stuff sucks long term#and i think i had some side effects and it's so hard to get off them properly#this is what got me into this shit in the first place!!#got oesaphagitis whatever it's called#went on PPI blockers. didn't go off them properly. boom acid reflux issues for months and months and had to stay on a lower PPI blocker dos#and take rennie every few days on top of it#until i tried to get off it and it worked even if my stomach was never the same :')#and now here I am again!!! FUCK!!!!
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vitunhienokivi · 2 months
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#this is gonna be pretty serious but I need to get it out bc I keep thinking about it and can't sleep#I could just write a note or something but idk I don't wanna do that and I don't wanna bother my friends at this hour either#so here goes.#my grandma passed away yesterday. it wasn't a surprise since she'd been slowly getting worse and worse#honestly I'm relieved she doesn't have to be in pain anymore#I wouldn't even be feeling so horrible about it all if it wasn't for the fact that she died of covid#and in horrible pain#so I'm just so fucking enraged about it all#she was in a nursing unit. but nurses weren't masking even though the place was meant for old people with poor health#ALL OF THIS could've been avoided if the nurses wore masks at work. or at least this happening would've been so much less likely#at first I was just sad. a little mad that it was covid but at least she could finally pass on#but then my mom called me today. she'd visited the day before and she told me how much pain my grandma had been in#like she hadn't even been able to talk anymore. she'd been convulsing in pain and whimpering. she'd barely even understood my mom was there#and she managed to reply to her telling she was there. maybe. my mom wasn't sure if she'd heard right#and I just can't get it out of my mind. the way she died#her hearing and eyesight were really bad by this point and I don't know if her mind was really all that present either.#she had her good and bad days on that front#so she was just in horrible pain. not being able to see or hear much at all. maybe not even fully understanding where she was#for hours in the middle of the night with no way to get better. no nurses to really help her#until she finally died#like hell she wasn't even able to open her eyes when my mom visited!! that's how much she was hurting!!#and I know she didn't have long left. I know she would've died soon anyway. from something else#but the fact that it was so painful and EASILY PREVENTABLE just makes me so fucking mad#she could've died so much more peacefully if the staff there just wore a goddamn mask#I'm just so unimaginably angry right now#I got shit to do tomorrow but idk if I'll be able to sleeo tonight with all this stuff in my head. I hope writing this helped#anyway sorry to be vulnerable on main I guess. gn#vent
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dutybcrne · 2 months
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Diluc likes to personally do the repairs and maintenance to not only his own weapon, but especially those of his most important people. He would always insist on personally handling Kaeya, later Jean's, weapons, throughout their time as Knights together, and even to this day gets salty if he happens to see either or even their weapons alone at Wagner's.
#hc; diluc#//He truly forgets himself most when he sees Kae's sword in particular at Wagner's#//Forgets they even Fought for a good solid moment while FUMING abt why the man didn't come to HIM for the repairs instead#//Even considering storming on over to take it off the blacksmith's hands before realizing 'Ah. Right. He doesn't trust me anymore-'#//Each and every time; it feels like a good slap to the face. Would honestly prefer one to having to see that#//It's bc to Luc; letting him handle yer weapon is a symbol of the UTMOST TRUST#//TRUST that he can and will take care of your weapon; practically an extension of yourself as he sees it; with only the best#//TRUST that any modifications he does mean to make it better serve you; from how well he knows of your stance; habits; etc#//TRUST that he will give it back posthaste and efficiently; if not grant you his very protection until he is finished with it#//To see his loved's one's weapons in the hands of another blacksmith or sb with the skill of one; it is a VERY harsh blow to him#//Takes it Extremely personally even if the person has ample justification why (personal divides; location convenience; didn't know;etc)#//Might actually torch smth on accident; depending on how attached he is to the person#//Never takes it out on them ofc; but the resulting questioning abt their choice of forge Might get a little tense#//Assuming he doesn't just withdraw some bc he's very worried abt possibly arguing & how things could turn out#//Esp if they tell him they think Wagner/smth other is a better fit at repairs for them; or worse say smth like 'Why would I ask you?'#//Doesn't even matter if it was meant innocuously or not; he would feel fucken Gutted not having that confidence in him#//Esp bc he would have mentioned his skill at the forges & willingness to work their weapons in the time they get close enough to matter#//Mentioning specifically BC he wants them to; bc he's GOTTEN to the point where they mean that much to him#//He'll only ask once; then drop the matter and never bring it up again unless they do. And if they do; it would mean the WORLD#//Traveler is also one of the select few he would want to handle the weapons of#//Kae and Jean; Luc's just known the longest and treasures more#//But Traveler has earned his fondness and respect quite a lot#//Klee would be another; if only Catalysts required the same maintenance he's used to/trained in
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tuliptiger · 8 months
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Ventttt below. Read at your own discretion it's not a nice one
What if I just finish outfitting my car to get rid of internal moisture and heat somehow without killing me in the winter and never have an actual home or property. Because the only way I tried isn't working out and hasn't been for aboutttt 2 1/2 years now and it's kind of making me want to be somewhere else at this point.
I don't want to be. At or in this period of my life anymore. It's literally dysphoria but it's dysphoria for the the me I am right now, the resources I have right now, the very situation I find myself unable to escape. It's the utter rejection and disgust of myself and my current life that I can't stand to be in right now.
I need to go to sleep because it's late and that's when the devils in my brain are strongest but that's a very good summary of how I've been feeling the last couple years. Dysphoric of my life and who I am that I cannot escape from.
"Summary. A dysphoric mood is a consistent state of profound unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Symptoms can include discontent, irritability, stress, aggression, and feelings of anger, guilt, or failure."
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lxnarphase · 8 months
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━━ ❝ come and put your name on it ❞
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special treatment : lap edition
☾₊‧⁺...ft. : gojo satoru + geto suguru + nanami kento + fushiguro toji + hakari kinji
☾₊‧⁺...cw : cockwarming, somnophilia, dirty talk, grinding + dry humping, fingerfucking, overstimulation, praise kink, edging, oral fixation, satoru's silly pet names, suguru being smug, kento being a desperate man, toji being toji, kinji being a bully
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✧ g. satoru : sometimes gojo knows he fucks you too good to the point you can't think after, something he brags about to you all the time. but when you snuggle up to him, still stuffed with his cock and warm with his cum, he can't help but run his hands all over you. and when he realizes you fell asleep on his dick, his heart squeezes and his cock throbs hard.
"pretty angel, did you fall asleep? oh, that's just precious...you're making my heart squeeze, i wish i had my phone, you look so cute like this." "did you say my name? dreaming about me? god, you're so precious, i could just fuck you like this...shit, don't fuckin' squeeze on me like that, are you having a wet dream right now? god, i love you so fucking much." "aww, my little mochi is so cute! look at youuu, you're gushin' all over the place. messy fucking pussy too small to keep my cock and all my cum inside you." "mm, fuck, pretty thing. you wakin' up? hi pretty girl...oooh, fuck, d-did you just cum? holy fuck, c'mon, baby, on your back, lemme fuck you, princess, let 'toru make you cum again, yeah?”
✧ g. suguru : suguru's softly cooing at you when you sleepily walk into the living room, whining to him that you had a dream and you wanted him to 'fix the problem he caused.' all he can do is just chuckle at how childish and bratty you can be as his hands are moving up and down your sides while he grinds up into you.
"you're such a brat, you know that right? always blaming me for your dreams. it's not my fault you can't stop thinking about how good i fuck you." "hmm? ooh, i see...you keep having dreams of me cumming inside you, hm? are you trying to say something, princess? d'you want me to start breeding you?" "i didn't say stop moving, did i? or do you need me to do all the work? heh, so spoiled, i've spoiled you absolutely rotten." "i know, but just cum once like this, won't you? if you do, i promise i'll fill your cute pussy with my cum, okay? mhm, promise, princess, i'll give you what you need."
✧ n. kento : nanami loves having you close to him, especially when you sit in his lap. it lets him nuzzle his nose into your neck, pressing little kisses where he can while your legs are spread over his strong thighs, his thick fingers leisurely pumping in and out of your needy hole, chuckling against your skin whenever you jolt.
"honey, have i mentioned how gorgeous you are? you look so beautiful like this...spread open and wanting, just for me." "you're sucking my fingers in so well. look at that...do you think you can take a third?" "it's so messy. look at what you've done to my fingers, honey, they're soaked. clean them off for me, i want you to taste yourself before i put them back in. maybe tonight we can make you squirt, hm? do you wanna try, darling?" "you think you're going to cum again? poor thing, your little cunt is so greedy, she just wants to cum over and over again on my fingers...is my cock not good enough for you, mm? aww, don't pout, i'm just teasing you, darling." "i know, i know, it's too much, but you can take it. be my good girl, just take it and keep cumming until you can't anymore."
✧ f. toji : sitting on toji's lap is, in his mind, an invitation for him to run his hands all over you. his cock is already hard in his sweats, but he's subdued the second you get comfortable and slowly grind against him, groaning when you press sweet kisses into his neck.
"tch, are you gonna let me fuck your thighs t'night? pretty please? yeah, that's right, i'm askin' nicely. why? don't play stupid, doll, you know what they do to me." "shit...keep moving those hips, sweetheart, you feel so fuckin' good like this." "god, i can feel that pretty pussy leaking through my sweats. big bad toji make you that fuckin' wet, mama? y'like grinding that clit on my dick through my pants? dirty fucking girl." "mmh, you keep tugging my hair like that and I'm not even gonna take you to the bedroom, i will fuck you into this damn couch, woman.” "listen here, wifey, I'll wreck your cunt until you can't think about anything but me inside you. hell, I'll ruin this stupid couch in the process, i don't give a fuck about stainin' it."
✧ h. kinji : when you sit on kinji's lap, it's when he's watching a fight on tv. you can tell it's not going how he wants it to go, the toothpick between his teeth being gnawed on. when you make eye contact with him, he just raises an eyebrow, one of his hands squeezing your hip.
"cupcake, do me a favor and get on my dick before i get up and give us a reason to get a new tv." "hey, hey, don't move yet, let me see if he lands this punch...don't whine like that before i put my fingers in that pretty little mouth t' shut you up." "you always squeeze so tight when i press down on your tongue like this...pretty thing likes that shit, doesn't she? go on, fuck yourself on my dick while you drool all on my fingers like a slut." "mm, shit, baby, i can't focus on that bullshit fight, lemme help you. yeah, thaaaat's it, let your boy fuck you nice and deep, make ya cream, juuuust like this."
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cyberstabbing · 1 year
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so dizzy and so out of it and once again my life in spiraling out of control due to my own laziness and procrastination
#and today my mom's going to call and ask about my classes tomorrow (nope)#and if i signed up for all those mental health courses and meetings at my school (i don't go there technically so nope)#and doctors appointments i haven't scheduled and all the shit i haven't done#at camp an older colleague asked me about my adhd and how i didn't seem like i had it#(not in a rude way--she's got adhd+autism and we would speak at length about being neurodivergent at a camp for kids with autism)#but that she'd noticed that i worked really hard and seemed on top of things#especially compared to our manager who had adhd and would constantly be late and forget stuff etc#and i told her the truth. which is that i can focus on one thing at a time#and do that thing really well. go above and beyond#but everything else in my life gets put on hold/falls apart#bills appointments course work other jobs messages emails deadlines#none of that shit gets done. and the consequences of that bite me in the ass HARD#it's a cycle that doesn't get better with age. feels like it gets worse.#idk smoking weed as much as i have definitely hasn't helped#i'm almost out rn and i'm not buying anymore for a while#it needs to end.#i'll sign up to my backup courses today but they won't work towards my degree#it's so frustrating bc i'm missing just a few points to get into the course i need to continue my program#and it's for work i have done (i just didn't send in the reflection essay until last week because i'm an idiot)#and the teachers didn't respond to my email and today's the last day and yeah#yay#it's just so fucking embarrassing. i don't want to tell my mom AGAIN#i wish she had another kid so she could be proud of their academic achievements#i come from a family of academics so i hate being the fuckup#mine#rant
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yamujiburo · 23 days
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Here's an arc I thought about doing but won't do because, it'd be a bit too sad and also it's too similar to the Turing Point Arc I already did and also it would be long. But I'll write it here for you angst enjoyers. This ended up being longer than I thought.
Despite getting the "okay" from Ash to date Jessie, Delia still worries that she's not doing the right thing or being a bad mom. Up until now she'd convinced herself that she had the right to be selfish for once after knowing only sacrifice and putting herself last.
Jessie and Ash, while not as antagonistic towards each other, still go at it. A Pikachu zap here, an angry "twerp" being uttered there. The guilt settles in for Delia and figures that it's best to just cut things off before things potentially get worse or before she gets too attached to Jessie. Her son comes first after all. That's what she signed up for when becoming a parent.
She sits Jessie down, eyes watery (it's the first time Jessie's ever seen Delia come close to crying). Delia says she thinks they should end things. Jessie is stunned but accepts it quickly. She sucks it up in the moment, puts a resigned smile on her face and tells Delia she'll leave immediately and not to worry about her. Delia's also broken up about it but promised herself she'd never cry over a goodbye and she wasn't gonna start now.
Jessie goes to James and Meowth's place greeted similarly to this, lightly teasing her about blowing it with Delia, and she breaks down sobbing. Oops it's real this time. James and Meowth do everything in their power to make her feel better. They let her know that things like this happen and they're ready to go wherever she wants to go (knowing that it'd likely be to painful for her to stay in Pallet). As much as she wants to leave, she doesn't want James and Meowth to lose the good thing they have going. She's not in the right headspace to make any decisions so she'll get to it later.
Ash returns home after doing a little training at Oak's lab. He notices Jessie's not around and asks his mom where she is. Delia is about to tell him but can't quite bring herself to say the truth out loud yet. She simply says "I don't know". Ash looks disappointed. "Aw man, I wanted to see if she wanted to battle. She makes a good battle buddy for all of my newer, baby Pokémon." Delia perks up that this. As quickly as he came, he leaves again to go train his Pokémon.
Later, Delia approaches Ash, asking him if he really meant that what he said about Jessie being a good battle partner. He gives her an enthusiastic "yeah!" and tells her that it's been nice having another battle ready trainer around since there's not many in Pallet. Delia starts to pry a little more. "I thought you and Jessie didn't get along?" Ash is confused, and tells Delia they get along great! "Jessie doesn't steal anymore! And she's getting better at battling which is cool." Delia brings up that she's head them argue before. "Oh... well I guess that's just how we are. I'd be weirded out if she was suddenly too nice to me all the time. Jessie's actually a lot like Misty. But taller!" This gives Delia a lot to think about but what's done is done and it's no use pressing on. It's easier this way.
The next morning Delia's getting ready for work. She must not have noticed that she was acting weird but Ash picks up on it. "What's wrong mom?" Delia's shocked he noticed (he's not usually this perceptive). She tells him it's nothing and that she just slept bad. "Hm. But Jessie says that when you're upset you get really quiet and intense." Delia notices that she was pretty intensely mixing the pancake batter. "Jessie told you that?" Ash nods. "Hey speaking of, where is Jessie? Haven't seen her since yesterday." Delia stops mixing and tells Ash that she and Jessie aren't together anymore. Ash is confused and upset at the idea of Jessie doing something that would hurt his mom enough for them to break up. Delia lets him know that Jessie didn't do anything like that and that them breaking up was just for the best. But Ash questions this, pointing out that he's never seen Delia as happy as she was when Jessie was there and also how Delia looks really sad now. Delia can't argue with that but then tells him that it's complicated. Ash, to Delia's surprise, looks a bit disappointed. He's bummed he wasn't able to say goodbye first and asks if she thinks Jessie would still be willing to come by and train with him sometimes. Delia asks him once more if he was really okay with her and Jessie dating. "Yeah I thought I said that already? Jessie's pretty cool when she's not being evil. And she really likes Pokémon which is a plus!" Such simple criteria. Delia's now worried that she might've made a mistake. She finishes making breakfast and heads to work.
At the restaurant she's met by James. She can feel an awkwardness hanging in the air. She knows that James knows. Before she can say anything James tells Delia thank you for employing him and helping him, Meowth and Jessie get back on their feet but that he's going to quit working at the restaurant and that they'll likely be leaving Pallet soon. Delia's heart sinks. There's now a ticking clock and she has to decide what she wants to do SOON. She asks James where Jessie is. James hesitantly tells her that she's at his and Meowth's place. Delia pleads with James to work the restaurant for one more day at least and to cover this shift. She has to go talk to Jessie. He agrees, hoping that this is a good thing.
Delia runs to James and Meowth's place. She knocks on the door upon arrival and waits. It takes a moment but she hears the door unlock. Jessie opens the door, disheveled, tears and snot all over her face, draped in a blanket. Jessie notices it's Delia and, frightened, slams the door. Delia's stunned for a moment and goes to knock on the door again but before she can the door opens. This time Jessie's tears are gone, her hair's fixed and she ditched the blanket. "Oh hey, Delia! What brings you here?" Delia can't help but be charmed. But this is serious. She shakes it off and asks if they could talk. Jessie invites her in. They get to the couch and Jessie starts frantically cleaning up all the crumpled tissues and dirty dishes off the ground. "Heh I caught a cold yesterday. A one day cold. I'm fine now." Delia doesn't call out the obvious lie and gets straight to the point.
She tells Jessie that she's worried she made a mistake. She made a panicked decision that she was hoping would protect Ash and her future self. But now realizes that she was afraid of the idea that she'd made a selfish decision by dating her. It was a selfish decision but that didn't mean it was a bad one. She was the happiest she'd been, Jessie and Ash were learning to get along and were getting along much better than she'd though. She acknowledges that Jessie has been there for Ash in a way that she can't quite be and is also grateful to her for managing to keep Ash home a little longer. She asks if Jessie would be willing to take her back (despite the distress she caused). Jessie starts sobbing with happy tears. She tearfully says she'll try even harder to get along with Ash and be a better person. Delia reassures her that she's doing just fine.
They kiss passionately but then realize it's weird that they're making out in James in Meowth's place and say they'll continue later. Delia tells Jessie to head back home and that Ash is looking forward to battling with her (and she also needs to let James and Meowth not to quit their jobs).
The end~
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monstersflashlight · 1 month
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Would love a Story about a pleasureslime that would function as a toy, like it can move itself form itself, etc and you can buy more and fuse them, but then it gets out of control and you become the toy. Non gendered person x slime
Hi darling! I'm so sorry this took so much to answer. But here it is. Hope it was worth the wait.
Tw: heavy dub-con
When the pleasure slime was released into the market you were one of the first ones to get it. You were beyond excited to get your hands on one. And it was great. You never thought so
mething as malleable as slime could give you such amount of pleasure. It was insane in a way that made your brain fuzzy and your hole clench around it. It was the best experience of your life.
So you became addicted.
Addicted to the point where you couldn't help getting a new one. And a new one. And a new one. You stacked them over and over, it was one of the perks of the product. You could get as many as you want and stack them to create a bigger one, one with more functions. One... better. And good lord was it better... It was phenomenal.
It was the experience of a lifetime and you couldn't hold yourself together as you came over it, covered in it. The slime was smooth and prelubed so it was just... perfect. It sucked and probed and poked. You were beyond yourself with it. So much that you got late to work at least three times because you got wrapped up in it to the point of losing sense of reality. It was THAT good.
So you got a new one.
At that point in time the slime was almost as big as you. But that only made it better. It was the best lover you ever had, so pliant and excitable under you, over you, inside of you. It reached parts of you that were unexplored before. It reached every erogenous zone at once and it drove you crazy with pleasure.
So you got more.
It became bigger than you, stronger in a way, but it was so soft. The idea that it could literally consume you drove you into a frenezy of pleasure. But then things turned weird.
At first it was just tiny things, reaching around you without any control, touching you in places you didn't have control over... You didn't mind it that much. Until one day you woke up with the pleasure slime holding you down and fucking into every hole in your body. Your moth gagged, your hole clenching around its girth. It was scary but so, so pleasurable your eyes were rolling into your head.
It fucked you until you were sore. And then some more. Your body held in its mass as you squirmed with what felt like the thousand orgasms in a row. It fucked your throat, your needy hole... And at the same time it worked every single pleasure point in your body. It was maddening, your brain almost to the point of breaking. You didn't know what time it was, where you were or what you were anymore.
You became the sex toy of your sex toy... and you didn't mind it.
Reminder that you can commission me (info here) or suscribe to my Patreon (info here). And that my second account is @whiskis
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ceilidho · 1 month
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soap developing an unhealthy attachment to his therapist post his brush with death after being shot at point blank range. he was reluctant to see a therapist at first because he didn't like what it said about him that he was being more or less strong armed into seeing a shrink (like no one trusts him anymore; they don't think his head's on straight since being shot), but as time goes on, he grows to cherish the relationship he's cultivated with his therapist because,
well,
she understands him. she listens to him. where everyone else seems to want him to just hurry up and get better (the nightmares, the mid-sentence brain fog, the erratic mood swings, the silent brooding when he can't find the words, aphasia on the tip of his tongue, the constant, constant headaches and auditory hallucinations that he can't seem to kick), she doesn't put any pressure on him to heal right away. she works with him and his medical team; gives him the space to process what happened to him, and has a seemingly bottomless wealth of patience for him.
he can talk for hours in her presence. it's a shame their time together is limited to an hour and a half every week. the dulcet sound of her voice is such a comfort to him. it's a shame she politely but firmly rejects his advances when he finally asks her out, tells him that it wouldn't even be appropriate for them to be friends outside of his sessions. that it would in some way hinder his healing journey. which pisses him off because Soap has progressed in leaps and bounds since those early days when he used to stumble over his words sitting on the couch across from her, head in his hands when the language felt beyond his grasp, a fine tremor still running through his hands that he's since managed to contain,
and
his head is throbbing again. a sharp pain above his eye that pulsates like a drum in his head and -
he thinks about her constantly. in and out of sessions. she's a frequent topic of conversation when the brass finally lets him back out in the field, Makarov finally dealt with (resting six feet deep in an unmarked grave). he ignores the looks oscillating between concern and worry that Price gives him. ignores the way Ghost barks at him to quit bothering the bird in the tight skirt and fuck someone that won't get him discharged. ignores the way Gaz pulls him to the side to ask if maybe he needs to see another therapist, y'know, mate...get some distance.
they act like this is something new. an abberation and not his very nature. like he hasn't always been the type to lock onto a scent like a hunting dog. a sniper by training. he sits and he watches and he waits; waits for the right moment that he alone knows.
it comes to him on an inauspicious day, when he's leaving the training facilities and spots his sweet thing rummaging around in the boot of her car, her ass beckoning him forward like a siren's call. now, now, now, the little itch in his head says, the voice that knows when the time is right. it's a sense acquired through conscious and unconscious observation, letting it all filter into his frontal cortex until he knows without knowing that the parking lot is empty apart from the two of them and the men at the base gates half a mile away.
it would take nothing for him to come up behind her and push her into the boot. nothing to wrestle the purse from her hands and slam the trunk shut. nothing to drive off base with a flick of his fingers to the guards that hardly ever bother to question him before he leaves (though they know what car he actually drives), made complacent by familiarity.
and he knows that it's wrong, knows that there's a line that he shouldn't cross, that choices have consequences, but,
his mouth salivates when her hips twitch, the urge to take settling over him. surely they'd forgive him one indiscretion.
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albedov · 10 days
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back at it again with jiaoqius braid… but with a bittersweet twist - spoilers for 2.5!!
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you gently wove three bands of the pink foxians hair on his right together, starting from the point he always did. the silence wasn't uncomfortable but the both of you could tell that there were words that desperately tried to fight their way to the tips of your tongues - words of concern laced with comfort behind, worry, anger… relief.
it didn't go unmissed how jiaoqiu’s tail found its way to your waist, curling the soft fur around and bringing you subconsciously closer to him. you couldn't see his face, your view only being the back of his head, but you could take a guess that he wasn't the happiest. it was a difficult change, more so for him than you but you quickly took note of anything that he needed you to help with - although for the most part he insisted he was fine.
reaching the bottom of the part you had braided, tying off the end temporarily and pinning it to the middle of his head before turning to his left side and beginning to repeat the process. when the news was first broken to you, you wished nothing more than to put hoolay through the worst. that being if he was still alive, but his execution didn't bring you enough satisfaction.
jiaoqiu knew your thoughts had drifted, mainly by the fact that you accidentally started tugging a bit harder on his hair than he would've preferred. in a way it was kind of sweet that you cared so much, but realistically there was nothing you could do to change what happened. it was his choice after all, he should bear the consequences, even if he never planned to be around for them to happen.
you two still had to adjust, either permanently or until feixiao fulfilled her promise to him and found a healer to help. but you two would make it work. you finished braiding his hair, connecting the two sides and placing the final touches, before proceeding to stand up - to which jiaoqiu followed, tail still firmly wrapped around your waist although it noticeably moved to wrap your wrist.
you looked over to him, smiling. and although he couldn't see your smile anymore, he could tell what you were doing and so he smiled back. he could no longer see you, but he was confident that your beauty would forever be engraved in his mind. and as corny as it sounded to him, as long as he had you by his side, he reckoned he'd be just fine. you both would.
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WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM??? at least he's not dead but man :(
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