#until being deposed presumably

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

nah i think in this altered timeline he was just another future politician, continuing nigel farage's political project.

so not scifi parody nazism this time, just regular nazism~

also…roger ap gwylliam still gonna nuke the world then??

[biblioflyer]

A Marvelsous Film: Review & Analysis

I wound up being enormously pleased with The Marvels. Much of what I had on my wishlist for a Captain Marvel sequel was satisfied.

Three core things I had in mind for the character were transitioning away organically from the “cold” and traumatized Kree super soldier, to be presented with a challenge that couldn’t be dealt with simply by punching her way through it, and to be more firmly embedded into the MCU as a leader and team player.

A Problem That Can’t be Punched Until it Goes Away

As I’ve discussed previously, Carol has the Superman problem. Which is how do you tell a story about someone who is functionally invulnerable in a convincing way? 

The Marvels solves that problem by making Carol’s power something of a liability and giving her a couple of teammates, including one very enthusiastic but in over her head teenage sidekick. It also presents Carol with the classic Marvel superhero growing pains: superpowers don’t come with superwisdom.

I think it was a nice balancing act to acknowledge that time had passed so naturally Captain Marvel should not be precisely the same person she was when she first broke free of her Kree conditioning. However, a complete personality reversal would be confusing and jarring for audiences even if it would make sense.

The film also had to address where Carol had been all this time, including multiple instances of the world being in grave danger. So it solved the personality issue and the timeline concerns with one answer: overwork through guilt.

Carol used her newfound powers impulsively and it all went horribly wrong. There’s something of a parallel there to explore as well. When freed of their subordination to the Supreme Intelligence, the Kree also found themselves not really knowing what to do with their freedom and using violence to resolve social tensions because that’s what they’d been conditioned to do.

Now the temptation might arise to ask the question, “Well what did Carol think was going to happen?”

Keep in mind that Carol was abducted by space aliens in the 90s. A time of innocence and naive optimism about geopolitics. A time when it was a lot easier to blame sociopathic tyrants for the problems of their societies and Carol was presumably busy in space trying to find a new home for the Skrulls, getting into political marriages, and rescuing space kittens from space trees while the United States was accumulating the many, many years of painful experience with what comes next after a tyrant is deposed with no realistic plan for rebuilding.

Turns out the experience of being under a tyrant leaves a mark on a society that doesn’t resolve itself in a day. It can also be somewhat problematic to be processing that trauma and learning how to exercise personal autonomy without automatically feeling existentially threatened by someone who is exercising their autonomy while there’s a bunch of unaccounted for weapons floating around in your previously highly militarized society.

There’s a little bit of Francis Fukuyama in Carol Danvers. But only a little. Unlike Fukuyama, Carol realizes her mistake and is desperate to find a way to fix it, rather than refusing to admit her instincts might have been a bit off.

I’d like to think there’s a not so subtle bit of symbolism in the resolution to the Kree arc too. Using overwhelming force without wisdom perpetuates suffering and violence. However, with vast power also comes the ability to create and heal rather than merely destroy. Utilizing power in this way does require compassion and imagination. 

Compassion is key because the Kree had long ago stopped being a credible threat to Carol, at least until one of them got magic bangles. Recognizing this isn’t straightforward though! 

When people react poorly to you wherever you happen to be, it definitely seems threatening! So one might imagine it was a challenge for Carol to stop acting reflexively, and start thinking about longer-term solutions than simply punching her way through yet another Kree platoon and another and another.

Coming Out of My Cage and Doing Just Fine

That was probably the stuff most worth spending a lot of words on. The rest is just scattered stuff I appreciated.

Since I was just on the subject of breaking cycles of violence, let's talk about the Asgardians welcoming the Skrulls for a moment.

Talk about a heel-to-hero turn. Under Odin in prehistory, Asgard was a brutal conqueror with Hela as its weapon of mass destruction. In the modern era, it seemed to have adopted a posture of guarantor of security for at least the Nine Realms, a responsibility Loki 1.0 was not overly attentive to.

Post Ragnarok, what we’ve learned between Love and Thunder and now The Marvels is that the remnant of Asgard appears to be a refuge for interstellar and interdimensional diasporas. No doubt in a Post-Secret Invasion world with its apparent Skrull pogrom, this may wind up being a bit contentious.

I do hope we get a scene of King Valkyrie delivering some Leonidas-style dialogue along the lines of “come and take them” except, y’know, this time in service to protecting refugees instead of not even slightly veiled Western chauvinism. At least in 300. Although even the history of the Persian War is complicated by some Greek city-states fighting alongside the Persians, I digress.

No doubt ships aplenty were launched by Valkyrie's tenderness towards Carol. Perhaps a small bit of consolation for the fans after Jane Foster x Valkyrie didn’t happen and then further complicated by Foster being a little dead.

Shipping ain’t really my scene, but this is one I could definitely nod along with on account of how well the characters and their histories mesh. It does make one wonder if Valkyrie was one of those unnamed people who were part of Carol’s crew prior to The Marvels. It's fun to think about at least. We know Valkyrie wasn’t blipped so she could have spent some time running around as Asgard’s representative helping Carol put out fires. It's a bit harder to imagine Scrapper 142 era Valkyrie and Captain Marvel getting along quite so well and it's implied (explicitly stated even?) that Sakaar is extremely difficult to leave, although that too is not beyond consideration.

Never Meet Your Heroes, Unless You’re a Relentless Cinnamon Bun

Cards on the table, I’ve never been a big fan of the YA genre as literature, TV, or movies. Even when I was a teen / young adult, I found stuff that was explicitly oriented towards that audience and heavily featured characters in that demographic to be almost unwatchable by virtue of just how much the genre relies on “relatable” themes like love triangles, profound awkwardness, and other teen story “cliches.” I’m not saying I was too cool for these things to reflect my own reality, if anything it was my own awkwardness that made it challenging to watch or read about these themes and still does up to a point.

Kamala Khan did win me over in the Ms. Marvel series in spite of a bit of curmudgeonly skepticism going in. Yes, it did cringe family drama and super cringe romantic triangle cliches, but with enough warmth and charisma that it disarmed me.

So I was definitely anticipating what it would be like when Kamala Khan actually got to meet her idol. And it did not disappoint!

It didn’t disappoint in the sense that Iman Vellani continued to embody the hysterical starstruck superfan magnificently (and kudos to her and her snark about Filoni calling the MCU Earth 616.) 

Yet when called for, the character was able to set aside fandom and embrace (literally) her idol not as a specimen of perfection, but as a flawed, insecure human being who kind of needed someone to see her for a whole person rather than The Annihilator or a glowing weapon to use against Earth’s enemies. Which feels like an allegory for the real-life fandom’s relationship with the characters and creative processes involved in the MCU.

This, when taken along with working through the uncomfortable reunion with Monica, serves to complete the next phase of Carol’s arc begun in Captain Marvel. I had a suspicion that this would be the case: that Carol being forced to rely on others would break through the trust issues and reserve. It’s absolutely a trope but it's not a bad trope when well executed.

My only real complaint with this aspect of the story is that it felt like Rambeau didn’t have all that many scenes to herself. Vellani is a natural scene-stealer and that is in a sense what Ms. Marvel is there for: to be the comic relief that wouldn’t be a natural fit for Monica or Carol and to keep the story from becoming too much of a downer.

A curmudgeonly opinion might say that Ms. Marvel’s relentless bubbliness steps all over the emotional labor that is owed to repair the relationship between Monica and Carol, but just the same I can see an alternate cut where the film just becomes too angsty. 

So I’m glad in the end that Carol and Monica are reasonable people able to take responsibility, in Carol’s case, and recognize that there’s a person who is carrying literally astronomical burdens with all too human shoulders, in Monica’s case but also mirroring to some degree Kamala. In the end, it seems like Kamala and Monica wind up with a better relationship with Carol for having recognized that Captain Marvel, symbol, has limitations that are invisible when one is only seeing the raw power at her command.

The Child Soldier Elephant in the Room

Remember when I said the YA genre makes me uncomfortable most of the time? Young Avengers, conceptually, is one of those times.

I’m cautiously optimistic though. There has been some self-awareness demonstrated throughout the MCU that teen superheroes are a bit of an ethical conundrum. On a meta level - the Doylist perspective if you will, teen superheroes are all about wish fulfillment. The desire of everyone at every age but especially as a teen / young adult is fierce to feel empowered to Make a Difference. 

Disempowerment wounds every soul but no soul feels it as acutely as the young who haven’t built up scar tissue and cynicism accumulated through the frustration and disappointment of trying to grab hold of complex systems with a lot of inertia and bend them to your will.

So far be it from me to poo poo the idea that young adults should be denied their inspiration and wish fulfillment stories. Star Trek after all is, when it's at its best, wish fulfillment for intellectually curious humanist adults and I reserve the right to raise hell every time cynicism and pessimism intrude on my dopamine supply!

Narratively though, I do think it would be irresponsible to not acknowledge the moral complexities of child superheroes.

So far, there has been a relatively decent attempt to walk the tightrope. To try to meet the needs of the narrative while not putting too thick of a whitewash on the realities.

Intriguingly enough, in Spider-Man Far From Home, it's the villain who points out the obvious: it's not fair for Peter to be carrying the weight of the responsibility “Fury” (Talos) is placing on him.

Clint also repeatedly tries to keep Kate Bishop from getting roped any further into his problems using similar arguments, but also out of an understandable desire to keep his failures and problems from being someone else’s to clean up.

So what does this have to do with The Marvels?

Spoiler alert! The mid-credits scene is an amusing callback to Nick Fury’s visit to Tony Stark at the end of Iron Man to talk about the Avengers Initiative. To be frank, knowing what I know about Iman Vellani, if you told me she wrote this scene herself, I’d believe you.

Anyway, she ambushes Kate Bishop to pitch her, with barely restrained enthusiasm, about forming a team of “child” superheroes. Kate wryly observes that she’s 23 but she gets the point and seems receptive.

So my idea to try to keep this from going too off the rails would be for the Young Avengers to be more of a training cadre to help young “enhanced” to master their abilities rather than an active superhero team. They would naturally find themselves in a situation where the “adult” superheroes are unavailable to solve a problem in a timely manner.

Kind of like the conceit that Charles Xavier’s School for the Gifted is in fact a school and not a training ground for child soldiers, Young Avengers rightfully should not feature the likes of Nick Fury intentionally sending the Young Avengers into harm’s way except as a last resort.

Having said that, I am now looking forward to it in a way I really wasn’t before because I now feel that Iman Vellani absolutely can carry a film, especially with strong personalities like Hailee Steinfeld to play off of. I’m still crossing my fingers for Kid Loki to make an appearance too.

[atlas-infernalis]

Fierna, Lady of the Fourth, Archduchess of Hellfire

If any being in all the planes can claim absolute mastery over the power of Hellfire, Fierna, the Fiery Lady of Phlegethos--the 4th level of the Nine Hells--is that being. Whenever not bathing in lava, she can be seen conspiring with her father, Belial, the Lord of the Fourth and other ruler of Phlegethos. Theirs is an odd partnership and the only one of its kind in Baator. Not even Asmodeus' queen, Bensozia was allowed to rule the Hells and his layer alongside him. It is largely suspected that Asmodeus ordered the partnership so that someone might temper Fierna's more impulsive and unpredictable approach to rulership while still honoring her immense prowess in combat and other Hellish affairs. This partnership also likely exists to give Belial an honorable means to fade into retirement eventually instead of seeming inept or being deposed and slaughtered by any would-be rivals.

While she is less measured and less experienced than her father, Fierna ought never be underestimated. Her charisma and her mind for subtle manipulation are second only to that of Asmodeus himself, and her gifts of seduction have laid waste to countless hapless fools who thought her merely an immature, irresponsible, and inept hedonistic airhead. FIerna is far, far more cunning and more dangerous than most give her credit for, and this deviousness and power is likely another reason Asmodeus has saddled her with the much more trustworthy influence of her father.

Still, this arrangement is not merely a handicap but is in fact largely symbiotic. Fierna has her own talents but can hardly be bothered with some of the minutiae and more tedious aspects of ruling a layer of Baator, whereas Belial excels in such areas. Given their shared specialties, while Fierna is rightfully presumed to almost never leave the pools of her palace for anything but sharing her bedchambers with any number of random lovers, said time spent poolside is almost always actually entwined with discussing strategies and the finer details of Lordship with her father. Neither of the two finalizes any decision for the fate of the layer and its workings without first consulting the other at length, and such consultations almost always happen in such a manner.

While Fierna largely concerns herself with comfort, hedonism, and her insatiable lust, she is also a fierce student of politics--even if she never engages in them herself--and also a devoted scholar of pyromancy and the psychology of mortal and immortal minds. Her interest in psychology of course only empowers her seductive prowess and her ability to tempt and corrupt mortals--thereby making her incredibly skilled at the harvesting of mortal souls for Baator--while her study of pyromancy has allowed her to so thoroughly animate the flames of Phlegethos with her will that they seem to be alive and possessed of their own sentience. Quite curiously to those who are unaware of her influence upon the very fabric of Phlegethos, these flames will never harm welcomed guests to the layer and to Fierna's palace of pleasures and vices; even beings who are not innately immune to fire find themselves unaffected by the flames' heat in any fashion. However, intruders and those who displease Fierna instead find that themselves instantly engulfed until naught but ash remains, a fate that has no respect for one's immunity or lack thereof to Hellfire.

One other curious aspect of her studies is the fact that Fierna has developed an immunity to freezing magic. Some suspect this may be something she has perfected to overtake one of the colder layers of the Nine Hells that she might have her own domain one day away from Belial, but others suspect she has no such ambitions and is content with her life of lust and luxury. Those who doubt she has such aims instead believe that it may be something she's undertaken to defend her and her father from Mephistopheles, or something she's learned to defend herself from the equally powerful and infinitely more lecherous and predatory Levistus, should he ever escape. Those who know her truly well have posited that such defenses are part of a ploy to aid her closest friend, possible lover, and fellow Lady of the Nine, Glasya in slaying Levistus to avenge his murder of Glasya's mother, the late Queen of the Hells, Bensozia.

[irishpaisano]

Donal Headcanons

*Donal is half-Irish, half-Italian. His father, who went by the name “Johnny Fiosa”, dated his mother Alice for a while, but after she got pregnant with Donal, he took off, and hasn't been seen since (since he hasn't been seen in over fifty years, he's presumed dead). Donal's Irish blood is more dominant, being distinctly red-headed, and the mutton-chop and mustache beard he wears is another nod to his Irish heritage. He plays up this angle to irritate his former tormentors in the Family, who bullied him for being a “tainted half-breed”... and now he's the Don of the Family, a skilled and intelligent leader, with multiple heirs, so there's little chance of him being deposed.

*He carries around a shillelagh, an Irish walking stick, but he doesn't need it at all. It's a pure affectation, and another nod to his Irish heritage. Plus it makes a handy weapon.

*When Donal became the Don, he legally made “Salvatore” his last name, keeping “Fiosa” as a middle name. He did this in order to keep the name alive in the actual main bloodline. While many use the name “Salvatore,” it's more of a group affiliation, and everyone keeps their actual last name. Names pass patriarchally in the Family, and Mona is the last true Salvatore. He doesn't particularly miss the Fiosa name, especially since he discovered that it was just an alias his biological father used.

*Donal has his father's eyes, a particular shade of brown that's found primarily in the Salvatore bloodline. Don Luca realized whose son he probably was when he saw this eye color (an old friend who was a distant cousin, known for being one of the few with the actual Salvatore eyes), and Donal unwittingly confirmed it when he told the Don his father's name was “Johnny Fiosa”, an alias that his friend had gone by frequently. This is part of why Luca sprang Donal out of prison. This also means that Donal and Mona are actually distant kin, though not close enough to be a problem. Nearly every other feature is drawn from his Irish heritage - his height, size, hair color, facial features, and body features. 

*Donal's mother threw him out of the house at ten, saying she couldn't stand to see “his father's eyes” anymore. Donal became a petty thief for a while, taking what he needed to survive, until he was picked up by a small-time thief and con artist named Lonnie. The thief taught Donal a lot, and the two progressed to bigger hustles. When Donal was seventeen, Lonnie developed cancer, and hatched a desperate plan to make a big score, which he intended to leave to Donal so he could “have a real life.” Unfortunately, his target was the Salvatore Mafia family, and this plan failed. He was executed by Don Luca, his target, though Don Luca honored his final request to not retaliate against Donal. 

*Donal is incredibly horny, and always has been (inherited from his father). He has to get off at least once a day, or he starts to get extremely tensed up and irritable. During his time in prison he was incredibly short-tempered, since he rarely had privacy to, as he puts it, “empty the chamber.” His people know full well what's going on if Donal and Mona take off for some “private time” or the boss locks his door. This isn't necessarily seen as a bad thing, though its frequency can be exasperating for his organizational staff, since they keep having to rearrange appointments. Besides, they'd prefer their boss be happy (a happy boss is a non-violent boss). As a side effect, he has a frankly impressive list of former partners, and at least two illegitimate children. He's been far more careful as an adult than he was as a teenager, but even in his early 50s, he's just as virile and energetic as he's always been.

*Donal seems to have a particular talent when it comes to sex, which pairs nicely with his randiness. He’s always been so good at pleasing women that Lonnie jokingly suggested Donal should pimp himself out, saying he'd make a fortune. However, Donal refused to do so, stating he can't “do it properly” unless he feels some connection to the woman.

*While Donal is an admitted sex addict, he's no pervert - he always gets consent before he so much as touches them. This is because when his mother Alice realized he'd inherited his father's sex drive (and she was no saint herself), she made sure he understood and accepted the concepts of respect and consent.

*Donal is thoroughly heterosexual, but has no real problem with other sexualities. He has a distrust of homosexual men, however, due to several attempts to rape him while in prison (all failed, and he killed the first two semi-accidentally). He’s aware of the unfairness of this, and tries not to be too judgemental about them, but it borders on an actual phobia, so it takes him a long time to trust them. He's not above taking compliments from all sexes, however.

*He was a lot less cautious about his sexual escapades as a teenager (read: he didn't use protection) so he's not sure if Gary and Christopher are his only illegitimate children. This worries him, as he cares about his kids dearly, he regrets his earlier stone-headedness, and he's concerned if any are discovered by his enemies before he can, they could be used against him.

*He absolutely despises rape and rapists. If he finds one (especially a member of the Family), he has them quite graphically executed. This often includes castration prior to death.

*One of his most inviolate rules is to leave kids and the disabled alone.

*Even though he's the biggest drug kingpin around, he also owns nearly every rehab center in the area. These are completely legitimate businesses that he sees as necessary for the health of the general population. When asked about the hypocrisy of it, he responded: “Look, sometimes people can't handle the world, an’ they need a break. It can go too far, though, an’ if they're ready t’ come back, we can cover ‘em there, too.”

*Donal has a very strong body odor, and is aware of it. He bathes at least once a day, and changes clothes often. No amount of body wash or deodorant seems to fully kill it, however, and more recently he's accepted his fate. Mona swears she loves it, however, calling it his “animal musk.” Donal just shrugs and takes her word for it.

*It should come as no surprise to discover Donal is a big eater, and also has a massive sweet tooth. He eats twice as much as an average person - it's not unusual to see him tucking into a full Porterhouse steak with a huge plate of sides and a whole cake waiting for him. Part of this stems from his earlier, leaner days, when he might go days without food. He also has to consume a lot of meat, due to the immense amount of muscle he has (muscle requires a lot of protein). As a result, he's fought with his weight most of his life, and it's part of his gym-rat tendencies. When snacking, he prefers pumpkin seeds, beef jerky, and jelly beans. If he has to skip a meal, he keeps a supply of high-protein shakes around to chug, though he'll start to get a lot more irritable if he goes very long without a proper meal.

*He has a half-brother, Michael, who runs one of Donal's legitimate businesses, a bakery. Because of his sweet tooth, Donal is a frequent patron. Out of respect Donal makes sure none of his shadier business goes through it. He has a slightly strained relationship with his brother. This stems from Michael looking up to Donal, until he found out about Donal's shady business as a teenager, and after Donal was sent to prison, he broke ties. It was only recently that the two have mended bridges. Michael has two daughters, who “Uncle Donal” spoils shamelessly, much to Michael's exasperation.

*His favorite hobby is weightlifting, specifically powerlifting. He learned a lot of what he knows during his time in prison, and is a qualified trainer. As a result, the guy is huge, and even stronger than he looks. He's entered several powerlifting contests, and even won some (completely legitimately - when it comes to lifting, he never cheats). He's extremely proud of this fact, and the trophies can be found in his office. He's also an accomplished pugilist, but he's never competed seriously, as he has trouble pulling his punches. He has to replace the sandbag in his gym often, as he keeps bursting it. He's extremely proud of his physique, and has no issue with flaunting it. 

*Donal is a bit of a narcissist, and freely admits it. Mona has caught him admiring his body in the mirror, flexing and posing. He wasn't always this way - when he was younger he was rather ashamed of his fatness, and it was through Mona's encouragement that he got over this.These days he enjoys showing off, flexing his muscles at others. It makes for an effective intimidation tool, too.

*While his strength is impressive, his stamina and constitution is moreso - he's easily survived several attempts to poison him, and he can go several days without sleep. However, anytime he does this he's been known to sleep for days at a time, during which Mona takes charge.

*Several attempts were made on Donal's life when he became the Don, including several poisoning attempts, a couple of shootings, and one outright attempt to stab him in public. He (or Mona if he was incapacitated) arranged for extremely graphic executions that were shown to their rivals and the entire Family, to drive home the point that he was the Don and that fact wasn't going to change. Play by the rules and everything will be great. Get too greedy, and your remaining life will be extremely… interesting.

*Donal acknowledges all of his children in private, but only his “legitimate” children, and the second illegitimate one, publicly. This is for multiple reasons: one, he's ashamed for not being able to support the illegitimate ones as kids (he didn't know they existed, as they're both the result of one-night stands, he was too poor, then most of his twenties he was in prison for manslaughter). Two, by the time he knew about them and could support them, they were grown, and the oldest had even started his own family. Three, if it were public knowledge, Donal's enemies could use the oldest’s family against him, so he keeps it private and distant for their own safety. The second one actually works for him, however, so he can acknowledge them, since they're now under Family protection.

*His oldest illegitimate son, Gary, wants nothing to do with him. This is a sore point for Donal, as he would love to be able to interact with him - he adores all his kids, and it hurts him that Gary doesn't want him around, though he acknowledges that it could be a threat to both of them. He still very circumspectly “removes” some of the thornier problems from his son's life, something Gary has pointedly asked him not to do on several occasions, but has finally given up trying to stop him. Gary has a son and a daughter, and Donal has quietly (and anonymously) donated impressive sums to programs the two participate in. Gary suspects his father's interference, but can't prove it. So far, they're Donal's only grandchildren (his children with Mona are still too young, and Christopher has no kids), and damned if he isn't going to help them out if he can. Donal also keeps a few members of the Family integrated into Gary's family's circles, with orders only to break cover to protect them.

*He and Mona have a fairly open relationship, though they are thoroughly dedicated to each other. In fact, Mona has been known to send Donal little “presents” to keep him happy when she's not around! He's never as happy with them as he is with her (“I might as well use my hand!”), but he appreciates the gesture, and has sent a few men his wife's way as a joke. It's become something of a running gag with them, a way of teasing.

[richmond-rex]

What I can’t stand is the narrative that Elizabeth of York was madly in love with Richard. There is literally zero evidence of theirs and the croyland chronicle literally said the opposite - that he was thought to lust after her .

Hi! Yeah, in the chronicles written in the 15th and 16th centuries Elizabeth is either not mentioned or she's mentioned as completely loathing the idea, invoking the virgin martyr trope that was associated with her both during Henry VII's reign and after. We find the same theme in the ballad The Most Pleasant Song of the Lady Bessy (written around 1500): "With sharp swords I will me slay / At his bidding if I were then" (presumably to a late medieval audience the sword and the words of martyrdom would very readily invoke the story of St Catherine of Alexandria).

Indeed, in the first edition of his chronicle (1513), Polydore Vergil had Elizabeth say: “I will rather suffer all the torments which St. Catherine is said to have endured for the love of Christ than be united with a man who is the enemy of my family.” A propagandistic line, of course, but all the same one that doesn't contradict logic. Besides bastardising Elizabeth and all of her siblings, Richard had usurped her brothers, summarily executed one of her uncles and one of her (half) brothers, and forced other members of her family into exile or sanctuary — objectively speaking, Richard was the enemy of her family, more than Henry Tudor (who had never taken arms against them) had ever been. It's foolish to think York and Lancaster were clear-cut categories or to think it was a Lancastrian army that deposed Richard instead of a Yorkist one.

Closer to Richard III's own reign we don't get Elizabeth's reaction, though the Croyland chronicler is very clear about laying the charge solely on Richard III. He says that Richard denied ever having entertained the idea of marrying Elizabeth even though 'there were some persons, however, being present at the same council' (likely counting himself among those) 'who very well knew the contrary'. According to Croyland, his advisors let him know that people would simply think he wanted to 'gratify an incestuous passion for his niece'. I think it's very clear how people of that time saw the situation: an incestuous passion coming from the uncle towards his niece.

It wouldn't be until the 17th century when the OG Ricardian, George Buck, in his revisionist work 'History of the Life and Reigne of Richard III' sought to clean Richard III of all charges laid against him, that someone would suggest Elizabeth of York wanted to marry him. It's a very convenient affirmation, almost completely turning the tables: Richard didn't kill the princes, Margaret and Henry had more to gain from it; Richard didn't have a crooked back, he was perfectly able-bodied; and Richard never meant to marry his niece, it was she who sought to marry him instead. Conveniently, the original letter that he claimed to have found proving this theory has been lost. There is, however, a surviving copy that suggests nothing of the sort as I've talked about here.

As with most things in their revisionist narrative, it seems to be simply an attempt at rehabilitating Richard III's reputation at the expense of the women around him and Henry VII. But the narrative that Elizabeth of York was in love with her uncle serves another purpose besides clearing him of his incestuous charge. It makes people think Richard could not have killed her brothers if she indeed was in love with him, or that at least she didn't think he had done so; in that way, people think that the accusation that Richard killed the princes was purely invented after Henry VII ascended the throne. That's the same thing as ignoring multiple contemporary sources dating from Richard III's reign, written not only in England but also in Wales and in Europe.

Do you see what I mean? Thanks for the ask 🌹x

[dailyadventureprompts]

Dungeon: The Castle of Great-Pyre Lake 

“I operate under the principle that if that folk immortalize your downfall in a ballad or skip-stone rhyme, you were likely an ‘arse and deserved everything you had coming”.

-Pravi Thornmead, haflfing bard. 

Adventure Hooks: 

Settling in at the local tavern, There’s a story the locals tell late at night; part folktale, part ghost story,  and it begins with a man who had everything. Like any man who had everything he was never satisfied, and  his many abuses (detailed below) of the poor tenants who he presumed to possess culminated in his attempt to replace a maid he’d recently work to death by purchasing the daughter of the village cobbler. Having had quite enough of this spendthrift tyrant, the daughter led the villagers in sealing the man who had everything, along with all his possessions and his many guards inside his richly appointed castle and setting the whole thing on fire. The party is welcome to venture out to the swamp and see the still blackened ruins, to perhaps poke through the ashes for some treasure as many have before. Perhaps they’ll come back and spend a few of those coins on drinks for the ones who told them the tale, eh? 

The deposed master of this domain once imported beasts from all over to fill his menagerie, discarding them into the wilderness when he grew bored of them. Folks still tell tales of the hobbled chimera that held up in the hills some generations ago, and even today there’s a dangerous number of cockatrice still stalking the marshland. 

Though tales of the Man who had Everything’s cruelties are myriad, a sharp eared treasurehunter might pick out a story where a starving farmer was offered the chance to pay off his debts to his lord if he retrieved a particular sapphire ring before the end of the day. After getting the farmer to agree to the terms of this bet, the man who had everything showed him this ring, and tossed it down an old well. Neither the farmer nor the ring were ever seen again, but perhaps the party will fare better in delving into the dark and chilling aquafer in the hopes of loot. 

Setup:  While he burned, the Man who had Everything ( who’s name was Lord Andras Vernocck) thought nothing of escape, instead racing about his increasingly smoke filled castle attempting to save his treasures and cursing his treacherous servants and inattentive guards. His squawking ( and all the fire) caught the attention of a dark spirit of pride and cruelty that’d come to live, stealthy as a tapeworm, in his abode.  This devil approached the dying Andras, who’d collapsed trying to haul a portrait of himself out of a burning study ( the delicious irony), and offered to repay his host’s unwitting hospitality by ensuring that Lord Vernocck survived the disaster. Fortunes could rebuilt after all, and he’d even do the noble a courtesy befitting of his station and not take his soul in the bargain. 

Fearful of the flames and losing anything more, Andras Vernocck accepted the deal without hesitation, immediately regretting it as the devil walked off into the conflagration untouched, laughing all the while.  In the proceeding hours, the man who had everything was reduced to nothing along with the rest of his possessions, his soul secured to this plane by the devil’s bargain, unable to escape to any afterlife. 

When the fires died down  all that was left of Vernocck was his charred and blackened skeleton, around which his being slowly began to reconstitute. He now exists as a twisted form of vampire, his flesh nothing more than compacted ash hanging off his bones, forced to hide in the ruins of his once palatial home for fear of a wind that may flay him, or the water that will dissolve him into mud. Truly unable to die until the devil releases him, Andras has devolved into something piteous and feral, driven to stalk and rob those who come to loot his destroyed home, driven by visions of rebuilding the privilege of his past. 

Background:  Like any other man who had everything he was never content, either with his money or his malice, and engaged in petty acts of cruelty to flaunt his high station above those poor souls who lived on his land. As he walked he’d toss gold coins into gutters and animal pens, just to watch laborers foul their clothes scraping in the muck. He’d amuse himself by importing exotic beasts from forign lands as pets and when he’d tire of them he’d release them onto the common land, either to die or to terrorize his tenants. To spite winter’s chill he’d keep every grand room in his drafty castle blazing hot, having his servants chopping and carting in loads of firewood during snowstorms to feed the hearths of halls they’d otherwise be forbidden from entering.

Things came to a head when one day the man who had everything showed up at the house of the village cobbler. He was there to make a purchase he said, and hefted a pouch that jingled most appealingly.  

“I’ve made you many fine shoes already” said the cobbler, “but anything in my shop is yours”

“ Anything? Good”  said the Man who had Everything. “ I was attended by your lovely daughter last time I was here for a fitting, and have decided I’d like her to be a maid in my castle. She is very pretty, and my last one caught a chill and died quite suddenly.”  And with that he dropped the pouch, which spilled gold and rubies across the Cobbler’s floor.

The Cobbler was stupefied, as was their daughter, it was enough money to feed her remaining siblings for years, but all were well aware of the cruelty with which the man who had everything treated his servants.

“ Give me a day to finish my work and a day to pack my things.” Said the daughter to the Cobbler’s horror. “ On the third day I’ll be on your doorstep ready to do clean your castle from top to bottom.

The Man who had everything smiled and tipped his hat, pleased at his purchase, and returned to his castle. The Cobbler broke down into tears, and could only be consoled when their daughter told them her plan.  They went to the Cobbler’s cousin the Smith, and the Smith brought many nails. They went to the Smith’s beau the Boatmaker, who carried up thick barrels of pitch. They went to their neighbors who together brought up timbers and their tools, and on the night before the third day they went in secret to the Man’s muchabused servants, who brought them to the backways of the castle, under the noses of their employer’s guards, who were stupefied by a sudden and unscheduled donation from the town’s master brewess. 

Quickly and quietly as they could, the cobbler’s daughter and all her friends and neighbors nailed the Man’s castle shut, turning it into a vast trap . 

The villagers stood and watched their work burn through the night, and on the dawn of the third day the cobbler’s daughter stood at the doorstep and surveyed her work. “ I was called to be a maid but it seems this castle is already clean” She said, “ From top to bottom I see nothing but good, clean ash here, and that will be swept away by the wind without my help. Pray help me friends look this over, and we can see if we can find anything that needs cleaning”.

And so the villagers walked through the ruin, scraping up what gems and other riches had survived the blaze. It would do little to repay the years of abuse heaped on them by the man with everything, but still a little pay was more than the Man had ever given them. 

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker #3, episode 133

Greetings and salutations to the exercise I have set upon myself, which is to say deciding the relative mental stability of Wizard NPCs who have been subjected to the Mighty Nein. My intent is to do this at least until Trent Ikithon has fucked off this mortal coil and/or been thoroughly deposed and humiliated.

As a reminder Caleb Widogast is a member of the Mighty Nein and a PC and therefore excluded from these calculations. Wizards who haven’t been seen or heard from lately and about whom I don’t have anything funny to say about will not get a full blurb, but as they re-enter the main narrative so will they re-enter the list. Currently, this is the Essek Thelyss Show ft. Trent and the Volstruckers with guest appearances by Yussa and Allura.

Currently sidelined: Oremid Hass, Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk (I am going to reuse this stupid joke name for him until it doesn’t make me laugh at my own joke anymore, which will probably be never), Pumat Sol (who I hope is having a great day), Ludinus Da’leth (who I hope is not but in true laissez-faire rat bastard form, probably is).

Vess D wasn’t there/morning time in Eiselcross or at her job or anywhere/they snuck in and took her life/and we noticed that her spellbook’s gone and that she’s covered in red eyes.

Trent Ikithon: Okay with the caveat that it’s been a very long time since I saw the entire movie and our only update is Artagan taking a moment from his busy schedule of traveling the globe in the direction of the sun such that he is always technically day-drinking to tell Jester that Trent’s biding his time, I’m getting real Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame Frollo vibes. Except instead of Catholicism and lust, it’s nationalism and an unquenchable thirst for power and control, and also he does not feel guilty in the slightest. He’s not at Hellfire levels yet but he will get there and I am slightly disappointed that due to the constraints of a D&D game we do not get an even more fucked up version of the song Hellfire.

Conclusion: 6/10. Slowly stepping it up. Also here’s the great thing: while we know Caleb is going to come after him next, he doesn’t, and the Nein didn’t tell any world governments about the threat of the city unless you count the Tal’Dorei Council via Allura, which means for all intents and purposes they just disappeared into Eiselcross...except Trent also knows Caleb disappeared for five or six years once before and reports of his death were greatly exaggerated. If Caleb weren’t dedicated to the noble goal of ending the Volstrucker program ASAP, he could just chill for a year or so and then pull a really stellar Surprise Bitch move and maybe just get Trent’s heart to explode.

Essek Thelyss: He got a good night’s trance and weird physical affection from a giant ape Caleb and he was healed by Caduceus and he had a serious conversation with the first true peer and one of the first friends he’s ever known about how high-level wizardry may not necessarily corrupt absolutely. And, of course, soup. I mean they are about to head into a terrible battle but he’s at full health and spells and he’s a valued member of the team and his friends love him SO MUCH.

Conclusion: 5/10. There is a distinction between a breakdown and being in a very high pressure situation, and he got some nice moments of respite this week. With that said do I think that post-battle, should he survive (HE BETTER) a whole lot of anxiety will come crashing back? Yeah.

Astrid Beck: With Trent in a holding pattern he’s got to be turning up the mind games on her; I have to imagine he suspects and then she suspects that he suspects and it’s a whole mess, but I’ve said that already. But also just like, in general, I think her speech to Caleb back when he first contacted her was genuine in many ways and specifically I think she was likely to have been Trent’s New Golden Child and then suddenly that got yanked out from under her for still more mind games; I think her difference in demeanor between that meeting and the dinner was partially Trent being present, but partially her having realized in the interim that she will likely never have anything to show for two decades of pain and doing terrible things and nonstop bullshit.

Conclusion: still keeping her at 8/10 until further notice but like. Astrid’s having a bad time.

Um actually Eadwulf is the monster? The hero’s name is Grendel: Okay meanwhile here’s my totally unsupported Eadwulf headcanon of this week which is that he meanwhile always knew he was not the favorite and probably never would be and while I doubt he ever had particularly noble goals I would not be surprised if he had an exit strategy. Personally I hope he tries card-counting in that casino in Ank’harel and gets kicked out posthaste and then tries being a wizard/some kind of divine caster multiclass in Vasselheim and also gets kicked out but finally becomes like an old-school hermit figure somewhere in the woods of Issylra and Campaign 3′s party runs into him.

Conclusion: also keeping him at 4/10 until further notice.

Allura Vyesoren: It’s time to acknowledge that this episode covered a span of like...8 hours? And presuming the Nein are sort of trying to keep a normal sleep schedule, maybe, and using a comparison of Eiselcross being at a comparable time zone to say, Nicodranas, and it’s 5 hours into the night for them, and we know that around mid-day for Nicodranas was early morning for Emon...honestly she’s probably relaxing with a glass of wine. Unless Wensforth contacted her.

Conclusion: I’m going to let Allura have a good day. She’s at 2/10 because the threat of Aeor will be in the back of her mind but also she’s seen a bunch of idiots kill dragons and Vecna and they didn’t even have a wizard.

Yussa Errenis: Experiencing a great disturbance in the Astral Sea, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and then just like, kept doing that.

Conclusion: I decided to really go all out last week on the infinity jokes and left myself nothing to go on, huh. Anyway this breakdown goes to 11 (out of 10).

[whateverthedragonswant]

The North was always in trouble - it was going to be next after King's Landing

"Your capitol will be safe until the Northern threat is dealt with."

Let's look at the wording here, shall we?

"Your capitol" -> isn't it Dany's capitol by right? Granted, yes, Cersei is in power and they're here to negotiate a truce, but your capitol?

"Will be safe" -> why would the capitol need to be safe? Okay, yes, she will eventually take KL, there will be a war, we get it, but this wording is super specific. Why not say "your red keep" or "you" or "your crown" or something along those lines? No wonder Cersei used the people to try to either deter Dany from attacking or to show Westeros her true colors

"Until" -> yes, we know, you will not put aside this war for long. Trust me, Dany, we get it. But what kills me here is that her group has literally been discussing the plan to block food routes and all exits/entrances to the city to wait Cersei out until the people turn on her.

"the Northern threat" -> this wording is super important. The NK is not the Northern threat. The NK is a threat to all, which Jon just literally said, and Tyrion opened up with. She could have said "Night King" like she did in 7x06. She could have said "the dead' or "white walkers" or "the undead", but no, she says "Northern threat." No surprise that this was a lead up to what happens with Dany and the North the next season.

"Is dealt with" -> need I say more? We know how she deals with threats.

This is even more interesting when we think back to what Cersei said earlier in the show about the North being too big and too wild. That no one can hold it (outside of the Northerners themselves). And then we think back to Robb being able to call all of their banners and march down south to attempt to free his father, and then to depose Joffrey and rescue Sansa (and Arya, who they think is there at first). In the show, other than the Iron Islands, the only other place in Westeros to have another monarch outside of KL (I know in the book history, this is different, especially before Aegon but in the show they didn't delve into this too much so I'm sticking with showverse for now).

And sure enough we get the scene of Cersei (which is meant to be a bit of a scene contrast to Robb's back in season 1 - even right down to what "words are worth" considering what Jon just told Tyrion before the latter spoke to Cersei alone) instructing Qyburn to call all of their banners. And it's purposely done this way (with Jon standing right there though he's already bent the knee) because it becomes the very inverse to what we saw in season 1 with Robb. Robb called all of the Northern banners to march south for the right reason. Cersei is "calling" all of her Southern banners to march North for the "right reason". (I'm putting those in quotation marks since we know what happens after Cersei's promise to help with the NK)

Then we get the library scene in 8x02 with Dany and Sansa, and it becomes apparent that Dany never intended for the North to be independent, not even when Sansa asks point blank. Not even when Jon presumably told Dany how they struggled to take back Winterfell from the Boltons. Not even when Jon told her what happened to Sansa not only with the Lannisters but the Boltons (as evidenced in 8x04) & this might lead her to presume that this woman aka fellow leader aka your beloved's sister might not feel safe leaving her home or being under anyone else's rule aka thumb again.

Dany made it very clear in 7x03 what she not only expected from the North but what would happen if she didn't get it:

"As far as I can see, you are the enemy to the North."

So sure enough, when she finally goes North and isn't received with the "love" she expected, the show purposely showcased to the audience how the North reacted to the dragons flying overhead and Dany's reaction:

And how things deteriorated with Sansa from the get go:

"The longer I leave my enemies alone, the stronger they become."

"From Winterfell to Dorne" - Dorne no longer had a ruling family thanks to Ellaria and the Sand Snakes; Lannisport was no longer of concern because the Lannisters were gone & Tyrion was under Dany's rule; Qarth has already been conquered; the Summer Isles and Jade Sea were just meant to show the latitude and longitude she was going to go -> Winterfell was next on the liberation tour

The North was always in trouble.

[dungeonqueering]

I have a campaign that started in August 2019. I've talked about it many times. It's called Herofall, and the premise is that the legendary heroes three went for their climactic final fight with the mad illusionist, Malum, and... Died. They all died.

150 years later, they were revived by a group of rebels, desperately wishing to depose the now tyrannical world ruler.

For this story, what you need to know is that the human warlock (who was a paladin until she murdered her dying god and signed a pact with that god's other aspect who is essentially a devil. It's more complicated than that, but that'll do for this) and the party's changeling bard have had a will-they-won't-they for the entire campaign. They've both had feelings for one another since before they died, which was when the Warlock was engaged in a presumably monogamous relationship (obvi her human bf has long since died) and the bard hadn't even told them all he was a changeling.

Throughout the arc we're currently in, Jade has given up her former identity (She was called Elanor before), killed her god, become a Warlock, tried a whole lot of new things she never would have before, and... Has fought a fair bit with her adventuring companions.

Along with them, they brought Jade's girlfriend who is now called Nyx. Their relationship is definitely not monogamous, and there have actually been some very healthy IC discussions about that.

So, to help the heroes three talk through the fights and bickering and hurt feelings they've been having, Nyx brought them all to a private location (the temple that is, uh, now empty on account of the god and priest both being dead) and had another NPC cast Zone of Truth.

She urged them to talk out their grievances here, where they had to be honest.

Something else you need to know is that Dolos, as a young man, was hurt badly by a noble he had fallen in love with. She strung him along and tossed him out like he was nothing. He formed, for many years, a new persona who could handle such things. Who was hardened. While Dolos had been young and hopelessly romantic, Apate was bitter and she didn't even believe love was a real concept.

Eventually, Dolos became himself again (way oversimplifying here) and met his adventuring companions.

And he and Jade have had this tension for so long. Again, this is 2 real world years.

And in this Zone of Truth, finally it comes out. Part of Dolos' problem with her behavior is that Jade has been so horrifically self sacrificing, and Dolos is afraid to lose her again. Because he loves her. And that scares him too, because the last noble he loved used him and nearly had him killed when she was ready to move on.

And then... They talk. They talk for a little while, genuinely and openly honest. And then the ZoT fades, and they take one another's hand, and agree they should go.... Talk. About what they are, and what they want to be.

Nyx, Jade's girlfriend, was waiting outside the temple, wanting to make sure everything was OK.

And so when they exited, Dolos changed into another of his forms, Alice.

And I wrote this:

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

In your ask about how the nameless guy could be the nameless woman, you said that you thought the statute of secrecy is much younger than what is said in the series. Please elaborate how you know (not that I disagree with you. the wizards are s*** at keeping themselves a secret)

So, as I’ve discussed before, one has to take anything about history in the wizarding world with a large grain of salt. Specifically, I doubt the wizarding world approaches the discipline of history the way we do, history doesn’t seem to be much of an academic field (the wizarding world seems to only have two historians, one of which is dead), and there seems to be a strong incentive and tradition of propaganda.

So, that alone makes me suspicious of anything we learn relating to The Founders, Merlin, and even the Statute of Secrecy.

And now, JKR’s wiki.

JKR places the statute in the midst of the witch burnings (late 17th century) as basically an emergency action on the part of the wizarding community. Who had been steadily ostracized for about a century. 

The children were particularly vulnerable and eventually they put their feet down, across the entire world (Tibet is somehow included in this), and agreed to make all the muggles forget about them.

I actually had thought JKR had made the statute earlier than that, which is my bad, so I would probably date it nearish the same time (and they do probably have records of when they put it into law) but I think the why and the how are a little different than wizards remember.

The Modern Wizarding World

To me, the Wizarding World we see in Harry Potter doesn’t reflect this story.

We see extreme anti-muggleborn sentiment in Salazar Slytheirn (who is supposed to be dated 500 years earlier). Granted, this is likely propaganda/popular legend dated to near when the statute went into effect, showing that “SEE THIS HAS ALWAYS PLAGUED OUR PEOPLE”, except he’s portrayed in a very negative light.

Salazar is a known dark wizard and when he doesn’t get what he wants, he puts a monster in the basement of the school. Even before Voldemort warped society’s perception of Slytherin, this is...

Well, it’s not the kind of legend you have about the other three founders.

That’s... not what your Cassandra should be doing.

Wizards treat the witch burnings as a joke. Oh, they don’t like the sentiment, but within the books Hermione notably reads historical accounts of witches and wizards who enjoyed getting caught by muggles because they liked being lit on fire and laughing in their faces.

Now, this is one account we get to see, but that this is something taught to the children just emphasizes that muggles aren’t viewed as a threat. They’re a nuisance or else a people to be pitied for their lack of magic.

While it has been 400 years, I think that the reasons for the founding of modern wizarding society would run deep. If it was truly because of the witch hunts alone, and fear of persecution, their narrative and attitudes would look very different.

This is not a society that went into hiding because of big bad muggles.

It’s a society that went into hiding because they were sick of this bullshit

The Bullshit Turmoil of 17th Century Europe

17th century Europe was a mess. Large parts of countries changed hands all the time, the continent was nearly always at war, and England might have been one of the biggest messes of all. Civil war, deposed kings, reform of the state religion multiple times, the witch burnings, etc.

I think the wizards just got tired of it and didn’t want to deal with it anymore. They already likely had Hogwarts, their own private, secret, educational institution, and already feel quite cut off from muggle society. Why should they pay taxes to muggle kings who change every week and whose religions constantly persecute them?

So, in the midst of all this chaos, they enact the statute. And I imagine it’s surprisingly simple. Most pack up and move, creating all wizarding neighborhoods, they have a council of their most important families meeting every so often which becomes the Wizengamot, and they become essentially a sovereign nation that just happens to leach off muggle infrastructure.

And as the years go on, and they like this not paying taxes or going to church thing, they slowly become more and more alienated from muggle society until they fail to understand it at all.

And so you have the modern wizard who literally has no clue why they separated off except that the witch burnings had something to do with it. The idea that muggles even have problems like these (politics, civil war, changing of state religion multiple times) is likely an anathema to them.

They’ve completely forgotten that they once had to deal with this too.

What About the Other Countries?

JKR doesn’t really cite when it became an international law but it’s presumably around the same time.

And you’re telling me that they were able to get people from every country, not just Western Europe, with starkly different cultures and attitudes towards magic, to agree to this? All at the same time?

To me, I think it was rapidly adopted in stages in Western Europe. Britain may have done it first then the French wizards went, “Hey, that looks like a great idea!” and went along for the ride.

I think it was imperialism/colonialism/westernization that spread the statue elsewhere. The British wizards get to China and India, sorry locals, you get to use wands, build magical academies, and have to go live separate from the muggles now. Doesn’t matter what you were doing before, our way is the right way!

With westernization, I imagine that the wizarding communities in those nations saw the changing times, and most decided to switch over to the more western model of disappearing as muggles seemed to appreciate them less and less. And even then we still have things like Rasputin happening.

The Statute Today

With increased technology, communication, and travel the Statute is untenable. It will fail. Eventually there will be something wizards can’t cover up with a gas leak. As it is, that’s very nearly Harry and Ron in 1992 when they fly a car over a populated city.

More, the alienation of the wizarding world doesn’t help. They now have no understanding of muggle culture. The only real understanding they have is through muggleborns and they’re disconnected from muggles as well as they’re essentially taken out of that society at the age of eleven.

The way wizards talk, the statute will always hold. Doesn’t matter that the obliviation department seems busier than ever, the idea that this didn’t always exist, that it can crumble, doesn’t even occur to them. 

But yes, those are my general thoughts on the statute.

[annavoncleves]

the saga of henry the young king

ok so, henry the young king, eldest (living) son of henry ii (he did have an older brother, william, but william died as a baby so in practice henry's oldest) dad's the king of england, lord of wales and ireland, count of anjou and maine and aquitaine, and eventually brittany

lots of titles, lots of sons as well, and rather than the oldest son getting everything like comes in later (unless he's an only child/only has sisters) at this point he has to share with his brothers, though he does get the Best Cut, which in this case is the kingship of england

BUT

kingdoms are a lil different to other realms, in that, whilst counties and duchys can be split whilst dad's still alive, bc those are vassals of the kingdom, the throne can't be split up, obviously

so even though henry is named 'henry the young king' (an attempt at securing the throne, after the absolute clusterfuck that happened to henry ii's mother, empress matilda, whose throne was stolen by her cousin stephen after her father's death, bc she was a) a woman, gasp and b) the lords of england didn't think SWEARING AN OATH TO RECOGNISE HER AS QUEEN BEFORE THEIR KING AND PEERS was BINDING ENOUGH, so that henry's chosen heir would. actually get the throne when he died) he has no actual power

which tbh, looking at his record, is probably a good thing, bc although he thought a lot of himself, he wasn't actually that great a leader of men

he was a very good jouster tho, but that's neither here nor there 

SO. henry ii is king. henry the young king is basically the king-in-waiting, whilst all his legitimate* younger brothers get THEIR inheritances (well, richard and geoffrey do, getting aquitaine and brittany. john - later known as bad king john, yes the bad guy in robin hood, he's based off THIS john - is the youngest and doesn't get shit, gaining him the nickname 'lackland') 

*henry ii was a bit of a slut, but all kings were, and was actually pretty good to his bastard sons, by the standards of the day, anyway. he made one of them an important bishop and gave the other a position at court. fun fact, when henry ii does eventually die, it's one of his illegitimate sons at his bedside, and none of his legitimate sons

[in the words of the astounding @searchingforserendipity25: “to be the only illegitimate son at that bedside, crowded by all those absences” damn queen, go off]

BUT. henry the young king, king in name, but JUNIOR king, and only titular. younger brothers get their lands. he's pissed.

daaaaad, he whines, i want a go at ruling now

i'm ruling now, wait your turn, henry ii says

no, fuck you, henry the young king says and starts a rebellion

despite being... well, a bit useless, henry the young king is VERY popular (idk, bc he was moderately handsome and good at jousting?? it makes no sense to me why the people liked him as much as they did, he didn't exactly do anything to earn their love or allegiance as far as i can see) and quite a few lords get behind him

also wanting a bigger portion than they've been given, richard and geoffrey join the rebellion, bc they want more of that sweet, sweet land, as does their mother eleanor of aquitaine who fell out with her husband at some point

henry ii, against all expectations, successfully puts down the rebellion and henry the young king et al are in troubleeee, but henry ii can't afford to really punish his ungrateful offspring as much as he'd probably like, so he goes the other way and gives henry the young king a nice big allowance to keep him happy, which works for a little bit

then henry the young king, beautiful imbecile that he is, decides he's gonna rebel again. it ends the same way. he's just not very good at war, is the only conclusion i can come to

SO the second rebellion is in progress (henry the young king is allied with his brother geoffrey again, but not richard, who appears to have learned his lesson... for now. richard does rebel again later, but he waits for the right moment, proving he had some degree of intelligence that the other two... lacked) when henry the young king gets sick

i'm gonna have to copy and paste from wikipedia for this bit to explain what he was sick WITH bc there is no way i can beat this: "[Henry] had just finished pillaging local monasteries to raise money to pay his mercenaries [when] he contracted dysentery at the beginning of June."

you heard that right

he got dysentry whilst PILLAGING CHURCHES

it was a real Bruh moment for karma

anyway, he starts getting sicker and sicker until it becomes clear He Ain't Surviving This, at which point he does what a lot of people do when faced with the reality of their own mortality: say 'oh shit, i fucked up' and try and apologise

he's also pretty out of it so at some point in a presumably feverish stupor 'as a token of his penitence for his war against his father, he prostrated himself naked on the floor before a crucifix'. just stripped off, got on his belly, presumably in one of the few moments he was not shitting himself, and says 'lol my bad'

unfortunately for henry the young king, he's got form for being a tricksy, underhanded bitch. (seriously, why was he so popular?? enquiring minds - mine - would like to know) and when the messenger gets to his dad saying 'welp, i'm dying, i'm real sorry about the wars, come see me on my deathbed?

henry ii takes one look at that and goes: 'he's not really dying, is he?’

the messenger: uh. yeah. really dying.

henry ii: sounds fake

the messenger: no, he's really really sorry and really really dying

henry ii: this is Definitely A Trap

so henry ii isn't gonna be taken to a secondary location to get imprisoned or murdered by his rebellious son, which u can't entirely blame him for, considering henry the young king is currently In The Process Of Attempting To Depose Him when this all goes down, BUT henry ii also figures that if his son really is dying, and he doesn't grant him forgiveness, then he's gonna be haunted by that shit/his son won't find peace/bad things will happen. so he takes one of his rings and gives it to the messenger and says, take this to my son as a token of my forgiveness. the ring couldn't come from anyone else, so henry the young king will know it really comes from his father, and henry ii doesn't get possibly murdered, so everybody wins!

messenger goes back to henry the young king, who we presume has now got some clothes on, or at least a strategically placed sheet, and gives him the ring. as expected, henry the young king dies soon after, get this, holding the ring that his father sent him.

like. i don't think he was a good king. i don't think he would've been a good king. but. he dies holding onto this ring. and he's got a lot of people around him, but his dad isn't there, just this ring. 

when henry ii gets the news that henry the young king is really, really dead now, he is meant to have said the absolute soul-crusher of a quote that made me want to tell you this whole saga in the first place: "He cost me much, but I wish he had lived to cost me more."

like??? this kid tried to overthrow his dad. TWICE. he spent all the money his dad gave him and then some, which led to the aforementioned pillaging monasteries, he signed up to go on crusade that his dad specifically told him not to fucking go on (which he died before he could fulfil)... he did EVERYTHING wrong. like. so much.

and his dad just wants his pillaging, disobedient and wasteful son back.

and that is the story of henry the young king, the only junior king england ever had.

[wotliveblog]

Egwene stared at the door after Sheriam had gone. Then she turned and stared at the table. Absolutely bare. Not a report to be read, no records to study. Not so much as pen and ink to write a note, much less a decree. And Siuan coming to teach her etiquette.

...

Nynaeve frowned worriedly, but Elayne was pure indignation. “You can’t let them get away with trying to . . . to bully you. You are the Amyrlin. The Amyrlin tells the Hall what to do, not the other way around. You have to stand up and make them see the Amyrlin Seat.”

Let's talk about Egwene becoming Amyrlin. Why her? I can think of a few benefits:

- She does not belong to any Ajah yet. Picking a Blue again would be politically fraught, and the Greens are also known to align themselves with the Blue. Red is out. Picking someone from any given Ajah would make a political statement, whether the pickers want it to or now. Picking someone with no Ajah helps avoid unintentional political statements, even though it sends a message in itself.

- She is stronger in the Power than Elaida. This book introduces the concept that Aes Sedai rank themselves via ability absent any other leadership authority. Egwene went from Novice to Accepted in about a year, when it takes most women many years. Even without being in her physical presence and getting a good measure of her, they can tell a good story about a prodigy, strong in the Power, wise beyond her years.

However, her strength should not be confused for legitimacy. IF some Aes Sedai lawyer can find some sort of rule or precedent that makes Elaida's election to Amyrlin even somewhat questionable, then Egwene's strength might become a factor. Without that doubt though, Elaida appears to be the legitimate Amyrlin to all those in the White Tower and most of the world.

- She is presumed easy to manipulate. This is the most important one. There are several factions in Salidar that have an uneasy truce with each other. Everyone can agree that they need an Amyrlin to appear legitimate and start meeting their goals. However, there is no majority yet. By choosing Egwene, they are stalling for time. Not in the sense that they will depose her when one faction wins. The winning faction will simply keep manipulating her to do what they wish.

Egwene, Nynaeve, and Elayne all meet this criteria. Elayne is a poor choice because she is royalty, and has political ties. No one wants to make the White Tower a subject of Andor. Nynaeve is a poor choice because of her block. No one thought she could even be Aes Sedai until she got over the block.

Egwene also has a benefit from being away for so long. Nynaeve and Elayne are in Salidar, being instructed by and disciplined by Aes Sedai. It's hard to respect someone they ordered to clean pots a week ago.

[nimblermortal]

Daaaaaang, Harald Hardradi was a bamf with way too much talent

So, start with his older half-brother, Olaf the Saint. (Who was the woman who bore the both of them??) Olaf the Saint was king in Norway for 13 years before being deposed by King Canute. Two years later Olaf tried to take back his throne, with the help of his little bro Harald, who was 15 at the time. It didn’t work, Olaf died instead.

So wee babe Harald, 15 and the loser at war, fled to Sweden, then over to Kiev, where he got in so good with Jaroslav the Wise that he was promised Jaroslav’s daughter in marriage. So he musta been something diplomatic, I guess, because he was kind of an exiled prince with nothing going for him. But this is the tame paragraph of his life.

He then went down to the Byzantine Empire and joined the Varangian Guard, where he got on super poorly with their general, Georgios Maniakes (Gyrgir). He waited for an opportune battle, and then refused to let the Varangians fight, despite Gyrgir’s order. When Harald finally finished making his point and led the Varangians in, they kicked butt and took names, and everyone else took notice. So eventually Gyrgir had to give in and give Harald an independent command, at which point Harald went ape-gaga nutso and got himself super famous because all they did was win.

So Harald was very popular and rich in the Byzantine Empire, and presumably started talking about going home and claiming his half-brother’s throne, because Empress Zoe forbade him to go, so hard that she stuck him in prison, but according to the sagas Byzantine prisons were made out of tin foil, because anyone who got in one got out real quick. Harald was no exception, but that does imply that he left the Byzantine Empire no richer than he came to it. (This could be misleading as I am summarizing a summary.)

So he stopped by Kiev real quick to claim his princess bride, and then, as he wished, returned to Norway and demanded that his nephew Magnus, Saint Olaf’s son?, share the thrones of Norway and Denmark with him. Magnus actually agreed to this plan, despite having had sole claim to those thrones for the last ten years. And this bizarre sharing thing worked, somehow, for presumably years until Magnus died.

Also the Varangian thing worked out because he unionized the Varangian Guard against the nepotism-appointed Gyrgir.

[femalechibiblogger]

5 Underrated Video Games

1. Night in the Woods

Margaret "Mae" Borowski is a 20-year-old college dropout, who relocates back to her hometown of Possum Springs, which has been struck by the closure of the coal mines and the stagnating economy. She meets up with her old friends, including gloomy but intelligent Beatrice "Bea" Santello, hyperactive delinquent Greggory "Gregg" Lee, and Gregg's quiet, modest boyfriend Angus Delaney. Mae also learns that another one of her old friends, Casey Hartley, has mysteriously disappeared.

Mae spends several days exploring Possum Springs and spending time with her friends, but she also begins to have strange and vivid dreams. At the town's Halloween festival, Mae witnesses a teenager being kidnapped by a mysterious figure. The four friends begin working together to figure out what is going on, with Mae's mental health slowly deteriorating with every one of her dreams. After intensive searching, the four stumble across a strange group of cloaked figures in the woods, who chase after them; Mae ends up falling and lapses into a coma.

Mae eventually wakes up and returns to her friends, and she reveals that the reason she dropped out was due to her increasing dissociation from people and the world (it is implied that Mae suffers from some sort of depersonalization disorder), seeing everything as merely shapes. Mae's journal, in which she draws pictures for each major event in the game, was given to her by a doctor to write down her emotions after she bludgeoned a student with a softball bat six years ago as a result of a dissociative episode. Due to this incident, the townsfolk became wary of Mae and caused a financial and emotional strain in her family. As her dissociation worsened at college, Mae mustered up the strength to leave and return home, hoping that being back in Possum Springs would help her return to normal.

Still wounded, Mae decides to venture out into the woods alone to find the group who chased her and the others, only for Gregg, Bea, and Angus to refuse to let her go by herself. The group enter the old mines and meet the mysterious group, who are revealed to be a cult. The cult turns out to be behind the kidnappings of several residents, including Casey, taking those whom they deem useless to society and whom they say will "not be missed" into the mines to sacrifice them to a god-like chthonic entity called the Black Goat in hope that the Black Goat will revitalize the economy of Possum Springs. The cult's leader allows the group to leave, threatening them never to tell anyone about the cult – however while riding up the mine's elevator, a member of the group attempts to kill Mae. The others manage to save her and the elevator falls, collapsing the mine and presumably trapping the cult underground.

Depending on who the player interacted with the most throughout the course of the game, Mae will sit down with either Bea or Gregg and talk about the events of the previous night, and all the things that have happened in Possum Springs. The others join them shortly after, and Mae tells them that although they will all be forced to grow and adapt to life as it goes on for better and for worse, they can still enjoy their time together now. The game ends as the four decide to forget about their problems for the time being and have band practice.

2. Among the Sleep

Among the Sleep is a first-person exploration game seen from the view of a toddler. The player can move the cursor to walk or crawl around, the latter of which is faster and is required to slide through obstacles blocking the way. Running is also an available option, though the player will fall down if it is done for too long. The player can interact with and push objects, and open doors and windows. Sometimes, the handle to open doors is too tall to reach for the player, in which case the player will have to push and climb chairs for additional height. Other than chairs, the player can climb boxes, tables, and various things to reach otherwise unreachable ledges and heights. Certain objects can also be held as well as thrown away. Others can be stored to the inventory and taken out again for later use.

For most of the game, the player is accompanied by a sentient teddy bear named Teddy, a birthday present from the toddler's father. The player can hug Teddy, who emits light that helps the player navigate through darker environments. The light will wear down after a while, but will recharge if left unused. If the player drops Teddy, which always happens whenever they arrive from sliding through pipes to a new level or environment, they will have to pick it up first before advancing again.

Throughout the game, the player is followed by two monsters: a feminine figure that haunts the first three levels, and a trench coat-wearing figure that haunts the final level. The monsters' appearance is indicated by the blurring of the vision, grating sounds, and in the case of the feminine figure, a slow lullaby (Trollmors Vuggesang), "Trollmother's Lullaby") hummed about. There is no way to fend off the monsters; if they appear, the player will have to run away or hide under tables or chairs until they go away. If the player is not quick enough to evade the monsters, a short cinematic will show the monsters taking hold of the player, which results in a game over, followed by a continue screen with a pacifier. Clicking the pacifier restarts the game from the last checkpoint. The player can also get a game over by other means, such as falling into water or chasms.

The game is largely linear and involves going from point A to B, though the expansive environment with multiple obstacles may induce the feeling of being lost. After some time exploring the player's house, the player is taken to a dreamlike location with a gingerbread house-like hut that serves as a sort of hub level. The house contains a circular door that leads to a new level, surrounded by four containers where "memories" obtained from each level are stored. After the player finds a memory and heads to a tube at the end of the level, they will be returned to this hut. Once four memories are stored, the player can insert Teddy's right hand below the circular door to return to the player's house.

In the extra DLC level, instead of exploring dreamlike locations, the player is taken to another house with the objective of finding and thawing five frozen dolls by playing music or turning on the TV. The gameplay is still the same, with the feminine figure haunting the player, but the player is also confronted by a fireplace monster in the underground section that advances and closes in through an aisle.

3. Rule of Rose

Described as "essentially an interactive movie" by its director Shuji Ishikawa and associate producer Yuya Takayama, the narrative of Rule of Rose centers on the traumatic childhood memories of Jennifer, "an ordinary, vulnerable girl"; these memories sometimes manifest in exaggerated ways. Set in England, the game opens in 1930, as 19-year-old Jennifer is led to an abandoned orphanage by a boy. She follows him to a grave in the courtyard, where she digs up a coffin with a bloody sack inside it. Four children sneak up on her and pour water on her, before shoving her into the coffin. She awakens in a largely abandoned airship in flight to an unknown destination, ruled by a cruel group of young girls known as the Red Crayon Aristocrats, despite the presence of adults on board. Under the threat of death, Jennifer must appease the Aristocrats by bringing an offering for them each month. Assisting her is Brown, a dog she frees from confinement in the airship, and the chronically sickly Wendy, who is the only child to be friendly to her.

Jennifer eventually regains her memories of being cared for by the farmer Gregory Wilson, after she was orphaned in an unrelated airship crash. There, he was kind to her, though he confused her with his dead son Joshua, kept her prisoner, and periodically slid into melancholy alcoholism. Discovering her one day, Wendy began to exchange letters with Jennifer and eventually convinced her to escape, but not before Wendy stole his gun. The two then renewed their oath of "everlasting, true love," with Jennifer's stuffed bear exchanged for Wendy's brooch. Back on the airship, Jennifer ascends to becoming part of the Red Crayon Aristocrats, after retrieving the stuffed bear for the Princess of the Red Rose, the co-leader of the Aristocrats.

The game's setting then transitions to the now-inhabited orphanage. Bullied by the children, Jennifer is horrified to find that she has become the offering of the month; meeting up with Wendy in the courtyard, she loses Brown and later finds his corpse in the Aristocrats' meeting room, where he had been killed in her place. Wendy then reveals herself as the Princess of the Red Rose. Jennifer, now a child, slaps her and casts aside her brooch, hating the Aristocrats and herself for being too cowardly to oppose them. Afterward, the Aristocrats approach Jennifer, now an adult, in the hopes that she will replace Wendy as their leader, whom they have deposed. Wendy, however, retaliates against the children by mentally conditioning Gregory into assuming the persona of "Stray Dog," a dangerous creature she had invented to assume power over the other children. She then brings Gregory, as Stray Dog, to kill everyone in the orphanage. Only Jennifer escapes the onslaught. Before being killed off-screen, Wendy, now remorseful, confesses her role in it, which had been sparked by her jealousy over Brown. She then gives Jennifer Gregory's gun. Gregory then returns to kill Jennifer, and in a moment of lucidity, he asks "Joshua" to give him back the gun, which Jennifer does. He then kills himself.

Rule of Rose concludes with Jennifer, as a child, waking in the large empty orphanage and reflecting on the events and characters. Jennifer vows to remember the other children, especially because the media coverage of the children's deaths had diminished after it came to light that Jennifer had been the survivor of two horrific events, and meets with Wendy and Gregory. In the final scene, Jennifer visits Brown, now a puppy, in the shed and puts a collar on him. She completes a Bucket Knight nearby, symbolizing that she can always remember and return to her memories of Brown. Promising to protect him for eternity, she then closes the door on him.

4. Tattletail

The game takes place in 1998 over the course of 5 nights, beginning on December 20th and ending on Christmas Day. The player wakes up on Night 1 to open their Christmas present early. The present is the new fad toy, a purple Baby Talking Tattletail (based on a Furby). After playing with the toy briefly (which involves feeding and grooming it), the player puts it back into its box and goes back to bed.

On Night 2, the player finds the same Tattletail in the tumble dryer, with no indication of how it got there. The player then charges it, wraps it back up into its box and goes back to bed.

On Night 3, the player encounters the contents of an old nursery in the basement. In the corner sits the now-recalled Mama Tattletail, along with a cassette tape which can be played using the toy. The tape contains a snippet from a story in a read-along style - including prompts to "turn the page" - about how "the children thought that Mama would never find them as long as she couldn't see them" but Mama would find them nevertheless. The player returns upstairs to find that Tattletail has made a mess. Tattletail asks to be taken to “Mama”. The player returns to the spot to find that Mama has disappeared. Mama Tattletail then starts to hunt down the player when they try to clean up after Tattletail.

On Night 4, after a lengthy hide-and-seek session with another Tattletail, the player finds a VHS tape that shows several interchangeable camera feeds from what seems to be a Tattletail commercial (which is actually footage from the trailer). After some time, some of the camera feeds' names turn red, the lighting changes from blue to green and trash bags and obscured parts of inanimate or writhing human bodies appear.

On Christmas Eve, Baby Talking Tattletail invites the player to the basement to join a "party" with a yellow and blue Baby Talking Tattletail, with two more that the player must fetch. After the player gets them, they must pick up their own Tattletail and get some supplies from upstairs. The player then finds out that the Talking Tattletails have made a pentagram out of the Christmas lights with the VHS tape in the middle, and have begun chanting in a seance. After rewinding the VHS tape, Mama appears and steals the candles and the player must find them in vases scattered around the basement while avoiding being attacked by Mama. Once the seance reaches its climax, the tape begins to levitate and the player must destroy it. The seance then ends and the player goes back to bed.

5. Duck Season

Summer 1988 and your mom has just rented the coolest new game for your Kingbit Entertainment System. As you play over the course of the day it becomes apparent something is different about this game than the other games you own. Duck Season is a throwback to the golden age of 1980's gaming and movies with a hint of horror in a Spielburgian universe. Re-live a slice of childhood as you transported to an eerily familiar memory and play out the dark story that unfolds over a single day/night as your imagination takes over.

[jumpship90]

Into the Multiverse!

“You can’t get any kind of connection with the lab?”

“Negative, Captain. Dr Welles’ terminal is not accepting transmission requests.”

Jaq swore under their breath. They really could have done with Phineas’ advice on this one.

One minute they’d been shuttling replacement parts for a generator down to the New Hope Centre, the next, they’d been thrown completely off course by a phenomena they had never encountered before. Since passing through the . . . what had ADA called it? Portal? Anomaly? Jaq wasn’t rightly sure what it was but the important point was their systems had gone haywire ever since they had been sent hurtling through, every alarm the Unreliable had (including a few they’d been previously unaware of) screaming at them until Parvati had gotten things under control. All was quiet now and that worried Jaq more.

They stared out the cockpit window at the ship before them – a mirror image of their own – and tapped their fingers against the arm of the captain’s chair, picking at the edge of the frayed leather.

“And you’re reading life forms aboard the . . . other Unreliable?”

“Correct, Captain.”

Was this some sort of trap? Another attempt by the deposed former Board members to undermine the new government in the system? Or something else? Something stranger?

“Transmission inbound. It appears to be from an alternate autonomous-digital-astrogator.”

ADA’s pixelated brows had disappeared upwards in surprise on the terminal. Jaq suspected their own expression was similar.

“Patch it through, ADA.”

There was a moment’s pause as the connection was secured and then a woman’s voice filled the cockpit, steady and authoritative.

“Am I speaking with the Captain of the Unreliable?” she asked.

“Correct,” Jaq replied, curiosity warring with caution. “And you are?”

Static crackled in the air and Jaq rubbed the back of their neck where their hair stood on end.

“I too, am the Captain of the Unreliable. My Unreliable, that is.” The voice sounded thoughtful now and tinged with what might have been excitement. “It would appear you and your crew have crossed into this Universe via a temporal rift.”

Right. Obviously. That made total sense, Jaq thought. They narrowed their eyes at the ship opposite, searching for . . . they weren’t really sure what. Markings from a mercenary group maybe? Or something off, something to mark it out as hostile. It really did appear, in every way, to be exactly the same as their own.

“You suspect a trap?” the unknown woman asked.

“Wouldn’t you?”

The alternate Captain hummed. “A reasonable assumption, to be certain, but not correct in this case, Captain . . ?”

“Evenshaw,” Jaq offered. “Captain Jaq Evenshaw.” There didn’t seem any risk in giving their name. It carried a little weight after all – or it did in their own universe at least, and if this woman was to be believed then that seemed unlikely to be the case here.

“And I am Captain Aethel Fiori de DeSoto,” she returned.

DeSoto? Was this some long-lost relative of Max’s? Well, at least that didn’t sound like the name of any Board loyalists Jaq had come across.

“Have you encountered the concept of the multiverse before, Captain Evenshaw?”

“Uhh . . .” It sounded like something Phineas might have mentioned once or twice but they couldn’t say they understood it.

“Not to worry,” the other captain offered and Jaq found her voice strangely reassuring. “If you are willing to meet – and I believe it may be mutually beneficial for us to do so – then I will do my best to explain. Though, it might be best, Captain Evenshaw, if you came alone. I think it would be prudent to avoid our two crews making contact.”

 * * *

Jaq waited for the hiss of the airlock doors opening, their nerves tingling in anticipation. Their hands felt empty without the weight of a rifle but they had agreed to come unarmed. They tightened the strap on their body armour just for something to do.

“I believe you are making a grave mistake, Captain,” Max had said as they’d prepared to leave the safety of their own ship, and for once, even Felix hadn’t argued with him. Under other circumstances, Jaq would have been inclined to agree with the vicar, walking alone and unarmed into unknown territory wasn’t the brightest plan, nor the most strategically sound, but there was something about the tone of the other captain that set them at ease.

Still, Jaq was wary when they stepped through into the uncannily familiar confines of the alternate Unreliable.

“Aah, it’s you.”

Jaq froze just beyond the threshold of the airlock, taking in the striking woman before them. Her dark skin was framed by white hair and Jaq found themselves staring back into golden eyes that regarded them with curiosity.  She stood a little over their own height, graceful limbed and with the confidently controlled posture that Jaq recognised as being that of a fellow soldier. They frowned and weighed her up, searching for any sign of hostility in those startling eyes.

“How nice to put a name to face,” Captain Fiori de DeSoto continued. “Or one of them, at least.”

Jaq’s confusion must have shone through their attempts to guard their expression as she offered a reassuring smile. “All will be explained. Please, accompany me somewhere we might speak more freely.”

With that she stood aside, welcoming them aboard the Unreliable. As Jaq stepped in, they thought they caught sight of a curious pair of eyes watching them from the hold before the figure skittered away. They followed Fiori de DeSoto up the stairs to the captain’s cabin, their hand hanging loose at their side, fingers just within reach of where their holster should have been.

“Tea?” the Captain asked upon entering the room.

Jaq nodded, staring about them, taking in the décor. This was the first real difference they had noted since boarding. Where their room was adorned with tossball posters, photographs and hastily scribbled to-do lists, this space was, though still distinctly homely, perhaps neater and more ordered. Jaq spotted the same drinks trolley that sat in their room, but rather than holding bottles of zero-gee and abandoned electronics, it was adorned with crystal and glass that appeared handmade, and there were stacks of books about the room that would not have looked out of place in Max’s cabin.

“Here.”

When they turned, Captain Fiori de DeSoto was offering them a cup of fine china painted with intricate patterns, the sweet smell of trip-teaze drifting from it. Jaq accepted it with a grateful smile. They’d seen enough to just about convince them there was no risk here, or, at least, not if they extended the Captain the same courtesy she had shown them.

“Now then,” the Captain said, taking a seat on the edge of her bunk. “Shall we talk?”

 * * *

“So, you’re telling me I’m in one of an infinite number of alternate universes?”

Aethel nodded. “That’s right.” She’d been patient in explaining the concept of the multiverse, fielding Jaq’s questions without hesitation or any hint of frustration as they struggled to wrap their head around what was happening. Admittedly, they’d found accepting the idea they had slipped into another dimension a little easier than that Aethel was married to the vicar. . .

“And in this Universe, I – I mean the other me – is still in stasis aboard the Hope?”

“Most likely,” she replied. “Or perhaps you never boarded the Hope. We could not say without checking the personnel records. Anything is possible.”

Jaq fiddled with the empty tea cup before setting it down cautiously atop the polished surface of the desk beside the captain’s terminal.

“Of course, it would be best if you did not have contact with the other you,” Aethel continued with the same casual authority with which she had bestowed all her knowledge throughout their conversation. “Who knows what might happen should that occur. This reality could splinter at the anomaly of two Jaqs occupying the same space. Or you might become trapped here.”

Jaq had no reason to doubt her knowledge on the subject. They grimaced at the thought. It was probably best not to break time and space as they knew it if it could be avoided.

“Phin’s not going to believe this,” they muttered. They weren’t sure they’d be able to remember half of what Aethel had explained. They’d have to ask her to write it down for them so they could provide him with a full report.

“Phin?” Aethel seemed to turn the word over in her mouth for a moment, weighing it up. “You are referring to Dr Phineas Welles, I presume?”

Jaq gave a wary nod and realised they were running a thumb over the band of black ink etched into the skin of their finger. Out of habit, the ring itself sat safe in their pocket on its chain, in case of the need for sudden violence. It had been an unnecessary act in this incidence.

They noted Aethel’s gaze following the movement of their thumb. “Ahh, I see,” she intoned, an amused smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Jaq slipped their hand in their pocket.

“And you would like to return to Dr Welles?”

“As soon as possible.” And without inducing some sort of tear in the fabric of the universe, preferably.

Aethel cast them a warm look full of understanding. “Well then, let’s see what I can do to assist with that.”

Thank you to @autonomous-digital-astrogator for organising this exchange.

@jackalgirl I hope I got some way towards capturing the wonderful complexity of Aethel’s character. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know her and can’t wait to read more of her story. 

[nightlovechild]

Mr. Rich-Man - Loceit

Warnings: Sugar Daddy/ Sugar Baby dynamics, Cat-fishing, seeking prostitution, talk of sex workers, alcohol use, rough handling/ rough play, semi-public sex, anal fingering, anal sex, hand job, spanking, breath play, payback, Human AU! 

Summary: Being someone of Logan’s position in the world, he should be able to get what he wants, when he wants it. But when his long distance sugar baby once again breaks his heart in a million pieces, he learns that maybe what he needs, isn’t always what he was looking for. Lucky for him, Janus knows exactly how to help.

Notes: Huge Thank You to @crankywhenprovoked​. She helped me rescue the beginning of this story from the utter chaos it was in. This story wouldn't exist if she hadn't been as awesome as she always is. Thank you my love!~

'Baby boy would come this time.  He had to.’ Logan thought, shifting on his feet again, watching the walkway that was connected to the plane he was supposed to be on.

Logan’s long distance crush turned sugar baby had promised that if Logan fulfilled each item on his fantasy list, then he would be free to fulfill every one of his Sugar Daddy’s fantasies.

So Logan booked him a flight on the first available flight that he could, making sure that he had luggage and a ride to the airport.  But as he watched the passengers come out and walk through the long tube to the terminal, he had slowly lost hope.  When his watch had said 45 minutes had passed since the last person came through, his heart had shattered completely.

“Mr. Croft, will we be waiting much longer?  If so, I’m going to need to extend the charges.”

Logan spared a side glance at the hired limo driver, before turning back to the plane on the tarmac.  The person’s uniform made him look like a professional, but the tattoo’s peeking out from his collar and the multiple ear piercings said otherwise.  Logan bet that this hoodlum was only using the limo driving as a cover for more seedy night practices.

Letting out a sigh as the flight crew was now exiting the plane, Logan nodded to himself, finally having to give up.

“Moving on to the next point on my itinerary, then.”  Logan said, turning towards the limo, cocking his eyebrow after a second.

“Sorry, let me get that.”  The driver hustled around the vehicle.

When the driver opened the limo door Logan climbed in without a thank you. Letting out a disgruntled huff as the door closed making the back of the limousine feel too big and too empty. Grabbing a small bottle from the mini bar Logan downed it without a care for the price. 

Opening his eyes as the burning in his throat faded, Logan spotted the driver staring at him. He could see the pity there. He put the divider up as soon as the driver started to speak. That crooked smile told Logan everything. That the younger man knew exactly why a C.E.O of 500 fortune company had been waiting for two hours outside a private airstrip and it wasn't for a business deal.

As the limo flew through the city, the lights blurred the faces outside of Logan's expensive bubble. With every red light stop, Logan spotted couples making out or groping each other, people holding hands, or sharing dinner on restaurant patios. The quiet of the limo was pressing upon his awareness again, making his heart ache in his chest. He didn't want to face the night by himself again, he just couldn’t.

The driver smirked as the divider slowly lowered again, the older male's crestfallen face was replaced with something different. He was stoic, resolute, and seemingly completely fucking fine. Jay would bet a hundred dollars that the next sentence out this guy's mouth was going to be about finding a hooker. 

"Driver, you know the inhabitants of this city pretty well, right?" Logan asked.

Ding ding we have a winner.

"Janus." 

"Excuse me?"

"My name's Janus. And yes I know this city like the back of my hand. What do you need Mr. Rich-man?"

"I am not Mr. Richman, Janus. My name is Logan Croft. You have used it already. Don't you recall?" 

The confusion on the older man's face was both slightly amusing, and quite adorable, making Jay fight not to smile. "My mistake, Mr. Croft. What would you like? The city is an open playground to someone of your caliber." 

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Jay burned through another contact and another corner as Mr. Croft rejected another line of sex workers. It was creeping past two in the morning when Logan dismissed the last possible escort. Ordering Janus to drive off after adjusting his glasses. 

"One would presume in a city with such a wide array of individuals, I could locate at least one decent…" 

"Look-a-like? One person with his face, his body shape, one man that if you squinted just right, you could hide how broken you feel that he didn't show up?" Jay ground his teeth after he finally let slip what had been building up for the past six hours. 

"You are being compensated for your time. More than most would consider adequate in your field. You could even consider retiring early from your life of crime if you learn to bite your tongue." Logan bit back, leaning forward in his plush leather seat. 

Janus turned down a side street, parking in the shadow of a building.

"You know what? That's it. I'm solving both of our problems." Janus growled, getting out of the driver's seat. The limo rocked when Jay slammed  the door shut. It rocked again as he threw open the trunk lid. 

Logan snapped up another bottle from the mini bar and pounded it. He could hear the driver cursing and moving behind the limo. Turning his head Logan scrutinized what the delinquent was doing. Logan couldn't see much through the tinted windows and raised trunk lid. So he slid over and opened the door. Only for the door to be yanked out of his hand. He couldn't stop from moaning out loud at the suddenly drastic change in the driver's look. Thin yellow tank top, plaid kilt cut above his knees, and more tattoos then he knew one person could have.  

"I'll be with you in a moment, Mr. Croft. You stay in there and be good for once in your fucking life." Janus glared at Logan until the CEO retreated back then flung the door shut, stalking back to the trunk. 

With all of his piercings back in and throwing his patched denim vest on Janus closed the lid with new vigor. Janus felt a million times more confident in his own clothing instead of that monkey suit. Recalling the look on Logan's face changing was going to benefit them both greatly. Opening the back door, Janus climbed in with practiced ease. Leaving his 'the customer is always right' mentality on the pavement. 

Logan fumbled and stuttered while trying to aid this crazy man's mission to mount his lap. More tattoos caught Logan's eyes as Janus' kilt rode high as he got comfortable. 

"Instead of searching the city for a copy that will leave you hallowed out, you need a complete opposite of your type. Which from all the college twinks I saw you selecting and dismissing, I'm as far from your normal as it gets, aren’t I?" Janus said. Pinning Logan in place by grasping the leather seat-back on either side of his head. With his jaw set, Janus waited for an answer. 

"I think...I mean..umm." Logan was at a loss for words as he took in all the changes that brought him to this place. His hands didn't know where to be, what he could touch so his hands were ghosting over the warm thighs that were pressing him into his seat. 

"Unlike your no-show you can fondle me all you like." 

Logan's hands connected with the plaid and patched fabric. The electricity they generated made Logan finally give up his posturing. Pulling Janus closer, their lips connecting. The slight metal taste from Janus' lip rings gave life to thoughts about bad boys and how you shouldn't trust them. But as the other man's tongue pushed past his lips, Logan let his own body guide his actions. 

Deepening the kiss, Janus loosen Logan's tie, working the button down open in record time and speed. Grunting as he pulled and tugged Logan's shirt tails free. Hands splaying cross freshly exposed flesh. 

"Your heart's pounding. When was the last time Mr. No-show made you feel this? Or even this?" Janus sighed, pressing his forehead to Logan's as he ground his ass down on Logan's crotch. 

"N-nnever. Only acquired broken promises. Never can have what I truly want." 

"What do you want then? In your dark little heart, huh? Do you want to fuck my tight punk ass while I ride you and come on your chest or do you want me to throw you to the floor of this expensive limo and defile you until your shaking and coming all over yourself?" 

Logan nodded quickly wanting it all, both, anything that kept all of this attention, he has been deprived of for so long, coming his way. The only certain thing was Logan's core ached with need.

"Need your words Mr. Rich-man. Consent makes me hard. Don't you want me rock solid hard too? Just like I'm making you?" Janus' hands shifted to Logan's throat and up into his hair. Rings clinking together when his grip tightened. Forcing Logan to lock eyes as he swiveled his hips as he ground down on Logan's lap. 

"Make me forget his existence." 

"Floor it is." 

Janus flipped their positioning with a martial artist's dexterity. It stole Logan's breath when his back hit the carpet, but Janus cradled Logan's head. Quick hands deposed of the Armani suit and the Gucci under things. Janus leaned back on his knees as he reached over and opened a compartment of the mini bar. Pulling out a condom, lube and a remote. Hitting a switch, music started flowing through hidden speakers. Lights shifting from the dome overheads to neon blue strips placed under the seats and in the ceiling. 

"That was too smooth. Fuck all of your customers back here? Is that why you know so many prostitutes?" Logan asked, spreading his legs open. Resting his feet on each one of the bench seats. Shimmying his fully displayed body as his own hands caressed over his stomach and down to his hard cock.

"The only smoothness I'm worried about is this." Janus smirked as he placed two lubricated finger tips against Logan's hole. Leaning forward, Janus placed his hand next to Logan's head, whispering into Logan's other ear as he worked Logan open. "Bet you're going to be the softest thing once I get you properly fucked. Mhmm. Going to want me to cuddle up to you even." 

Logan whimpered at the hidden truth. His day to day life never let him relax, so his neediness surfaced the most when he was vulnerable. Logan didn't want to fight or be tough as a warm slick finger worked its way into his body. 

"Hit a nerve of truth? Not going to fess up? Don't lie. I always know when someone is lying to me. Especially, when I'm knuckles deep in their tight sweet… still no? Well, I could stop and leave you like this."

Logan's sounds expressed no as his head unconsciously nodded. Logan always had a hard time advocating for his own pleasure. 

"Don't worry,  I don't leave my customers unsatisfied." Janus locked their lips with that promise. 

Grinding together, trading biting kisses as Logan took one finger then two and finally three. He was panting and whining as he thrusted himself down on Janus' fingers. 

"I'm good. So ready, need your cock. Please, just fucking need to be spread wide. Need the real thing." Logan begged. 

Sitting up Janus tugged off his vest and tank top, wiping his hand clean on the yellow fabric before he undid the buttons at his waist and tugged the kilt over his head. 

"Keep talking. Love hearing those dirty words come out of the mouth of such a prestigious man." Janus growled as he opened the condom, placing a drop of lube into the tip as he rolled it down and into place. 

Logan couldn't stop staring at the tattooed god above him, stroking his wrapped cock with extra lube. The feeling that Janus drew out of him made Logan think of one thing. 

"Punish me. Punish me for wasting our time together. Idiotically looking for other whores. When I know now I wanted to be the whore. Should have let you bend me right over the trunk lid on the tarmac. Fucking my tight ass with your huge cock. Holding my head down against the shiny metal as you choked me into coming across the license plate." 

"Fuck yes." Janus growled as he lined up and pushed deep. A chill ran up his spine as Logan's ass squeezed around him. Pulling out to just the tip and pushing back in again trying to get the best angle. Finding it when Logan yelped and jerked on his cock. Batting his hands away, Janus tugged Logan's legs together placing them over his shoulder. The highlight of this position was Logan's poor cock was strategically trapped in between his own thighs. Janus smirked, locking in his hold. Fucking and thrusting into Logan at an ever increasing pace. Janus let each sound out, vocally teasing Logan. 

Unable to stroke himself into climaxing immediately, Logan pressed his hands into the base of the seats. Trying to stay in position and avoid slipping away from this toe curling feeling. 

Janus let his free hand switch in between spanking Logan's ass to gently rubbing over the top of Logan's trapped cock. Enjoying each moan and whimper he could draw out of this needy man. 

Feeling the familiar building pressure as his balls were drawing up. Janus opened Logan's legs, grasping Logan's throbbing cock and began stroking it as he leaned forward. 

"Can't choke you into coming like you want. But, I want you to hold your breath for me. Do you want to do that?"

Logan took the biggest breath of his life and bit his lips as he closed his eyes. Heart pounding in his still chest as Janus continued fucking him so good. 

"Don't you breathe. Don't think of the burning in your chest as I pound your ass. Most perfect ass. Are you going to pass out or are you going to come like you're dying? Like it's the last load you'll ever shoot from your beautiful cock. Not one breath." 

Logan couldn't take anymore as his orgasm hit him full force. Screaming out after he pulled in precious oxygen. Shooting arc after arc as Janus fell over the edge at the sight. 

Shakily Janus rolled his hips to ride out his total pleasure, only pulling out when Logan's hands pushed against his stomach with little pleas of too much. 

Needing to properly sit down Janus got up into the seat that not too long ago the professional was occupying. But now, stripped of his pricey threads and thoroughly fucked out, he was an exquisite plaything shaking and covered in his own desire. 

"See, no customer left unsatisfied." 

"Daddy." 

"What?" Janus was confused at the use of the title. 

"Not your customer anymore, sugar baby. You call me Daddy, or Lo or anything you want. I'm stating I'm not disposable like a customer is." Logan said as he sat up, reaching out for the other. 

Awkwardly, they got Logan off the floor and into Janus' lap. Janus wiping Logan clean with the reverse side of his tank top as he was at loss for words. 

"That is if you want. Nothing is verbally binding." Logan started to slip off of the other man's lap. Realizing his words were rash and uncalled for. Janus' arms wrapped around Logan's bare stomach. 

"Don't leave yet. Want you close… But It's a bit too much of a commitment after a single fucking, yet I don't hate the idea either. How about we talk about it?" 

"Over a very late dinner and a nice glass of wine?" Logan smiled, correcting his glasses. 

"I would love to but I think every place is closed." 

"Not when you own the restaurant and know the cook gets up super early anyway." Logan admitted as he grabbed his shirt, putting it on with a hopeful look. 

"As long as we aren't going to be imposing like some entitled pricks on this cook."

"Jay, if I may, you have to start getting used to the finer things in life." 

~☆~☆~☆~☆~

One month later Janus was drying off with a hundred percent Egyptian cotton towel in a penthouse loft. The steam rolled out around him as he stepped back into the bedroom. Janus grabbed his phone out of habit trying to set alarms for jobs that he didn't have. Well, not since his Sugar Daddy gave him an allowance that was more than his two regular jobs and his handful of under the table jobs could ever pay him. 

Looking over, Janus felt grateful for the sleeping man and all he happily shared with him. Stepping over to Lo's side of the bed he grabbed Logan's phone to disable any alarms so they could both sleep in on Logan's day off. 

When the iPhone screen lit up, Janus saw the unread message from 'Baby Boy'. Clicking on it, Janus' lip raised in disgust. 

'Hi, Daddy. Sorry I missed the flight, my sister got into a car accident. It's really bad. The hospital needs a down payment before they can start her surgery. Can you wire me $15,000 dollars. I know it's a lot, but you love me right?'

Janus clicked the camera on, selecting the low light setting to avoid the bright light, and hit record. Slowly panning up Logan's sleeping body then kept the camera on Lo's handsome face as he climbed into bed. Maneuvering Logan's arm over his chest made Logan cuddle up against him, then Janus let his face show. Smiling wide he started to talk, but Logan's sleepy voice stopped him. 

"Love you Jay." 

"Love you too, Daddy. Go back to sleep okay." 

Logan mumbled something as he tucked his face against the side of Janus' arm, going back to sleep. 

Janus looked back at the camera, still running, stuck his tongue out and flipped the bird then hit send. Waiting for the little dots to start bouncing Janus blocked the number, deleted the messages and changed the name. Forever burying it in Logan's vast business contacts. 

Janus stuck the phone under Logan's pillow since he couldn't get out of bed and snuggled up tight. Vowing to forever protect his Daddy from assholes that only saw him as a rich man.