#unofficial charts

[wickedhawtwexler]

yeah it's important to create a character who's flawed but likeable, realistic, interesting, dynamic, etc. but the most important part of creating a character is asking yourself: will the people of www.tumblr.com go insane about them?

[nishibai]

spotted puddog (oc) and custard ^.^

[glorfindelssword]

I am very ill and lo and behold, my boyfriend who won't stop kissing me anyway has developed a cough

[gracerings]

lestat somehow ends up having beef with taylor swift because she released the 15th version of her new album the same day the vampire lestat album came out and made it go number two on the charts. his fans are mad and they say she’s not a ‘girl’s girl’ because they think lestat is secretly using she/her pronouns. this causes MAD discourse on twitter because people say lestans (official name of his fandom) are co-opting struggles of real trans/genderqueer artists and that lestat is clearly just a cis white man who thinks his aesthetic is cool and hip with the times but he’s actually super cringe. lestat has killed his pr team so he tweets himself in response to the drama and says that mademoiselle swiftié is a perfectly fine musician but she’s basically a baby compared to his long relationship with music. swifties ratio him on twitter calling him ‘an old queen’ and ‘world’s worst father’ (this is because they read international bestseller interview with the vampire). lestat has an emotional breakdown and cries for three days and he eats his makeup artist for making him look old. his producers are desperate and they ask daniel molloy to fix him because daniel is the unofficial vampire therapist now. vampire daniel’s idea of fixing lestat is to go on a blood bender with him. somehow this works because in between victims daniel tells lestat to stop being a little bitch and grow the fuck up. here lestat understands for the first time why daniel and louis are friends and asks daniel to telepathically call louis for him because he needs him. daniel tells him to eat shit. as they return to lestat’s shack (yes he still lives there when he’s not touring) they find out that swifties have doxxed him and showed up to the shack to ravage it. lestat starts crying again while daniel falls over himself laughing and records everything and posts it on tiktok. armand likes the video 0.3 seconds after it’s posted. throughout all of this louis is on a beach somewhere enjoying a quiet night, he telepathically asks daniel how lestat’s doing and daniel tells him to not even worry about it.

[homestuckreplay]

IT IS APRIL 13, 2009.

The Black Eyed Peas' Boom Boom Pow, Lady Gaga's Poker Face and Flo Rida's Right Round are on top of the charts. Hannah Montana: The Movie is selling out at the box office. Smartphones are just becoming popular. Tumblr is two years old.

Andrew Hussie has just posted the first sixteen pages of the new webcomic Homestuck.

I have just turned on New Reader Mode in the Unofficial Homestuck Collection, and as far as I'm concerned, the rest of the comic does not yet exist. Over the next seven years I'll be re-reading it as though it were being released live, and posting about the experience.

JOIN IN. Watch this story unfold. Follow this blog, and download the Collection at http://clown.church. Buy yourself a box of Gushers. Watch Con Air. Warn your bros about stairs. With YOUR HELP, we can return to our roots and make this the homestuck website all over again.

[etlu-yume]

This reminds me about that time I was looking up music charts per country and found that the first music chart in France was started was because American music magazine Billboard asked for a "French top 10" for an edition in 1961.

The way that so many of these awards/charts/"metrics" for success are, as OP said, an illusion, is infuriating.

(and yet, I still find myself watching silver screen movies and TV shows and Theater productions and musicians getting all the glitz and glamour but what happens to the Visual Artists? The comics and illustrators? Authors? There are awards around, but they're nowhere near the size or scale of the Big American Awards™ like the Grammies, the Oscars/Acadamy Awards, the Emmies or the Tony awards. Even the closest categories - packaging design in the Grammies, various set design/visual effects/film categories, Costume Design - they're very rarely given the coverage or screentime of other categories. It seems that there's a big rift between who's acknowledge and who is just given awards quietly out the back where they're out of sight and out of mind.)

whenever you find yourself baffled, even enraged, by who the Academy rewards and who they don't - i find remembering that the Academy Awards were created by Hollywood mogul Louis B Mayer with the specific purpose of preventing mass unionisation. Mayer figured if Hollywood workers were made to think of themselves as artists rather than labourers they'd be less inclined to unionise. Of the awards, Mayer famously said in the late 1920s, "if I give them cups and awards, they'd kill themselves to produce what I wanted." Also by awarding and inviting few, Mayer and the Academy pushed individualist aspirations and exceptionalism over collectivism. Considering the upcoming Writers Guild strike over the exploitation streaming has created that Hollywood producers are trying to suppress (which is why a lot of shows are being cancelled btw because they don't want to pay writers), this anti-union legacy is still clearly alive and well. The majority of these Hollywood award shows were not created to actually award artistic merit, but to create an illusion of artistic meritocracy that would stifle solidarity among workers. So, whenever you find yourself baffled, even enraged, by who the Academy rewards and who they don't, remember that's not what they're really for.

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy 2006

"Crazy" is the debut single of American soul duo Gnarls Barkley, taken from their 2006 debut album, St. Elsewhere. It became the first single to top the UK Singles Chart on download sales alone. The song remained at the top of the British charts for nine weeks, the longest number-one spell for more than ten years. The band and their record company then decided to remove the single from music stores in the country (while keeping the download available) so people would "remember the song fondly and not get sick of it". "Crazy" dropped to number five, before disappearing completely from the chart, as under chart rules a physically deleted single could not remain on the chart longer than two weeks after deletion date. Thus, "Crazy" made history at both ends of its chart run. It marked the most rapid exit from the British chart ever for a former number one, and number five was the highest position at which a single has ever spent its final week on the chart at that point.

In spite of this deletion, the song was the best-selling single of 2006 in the UK. In December 2006, it was nominated for the United Kingdom's Record of the Year but lost to "Patience" by Take That. "Crazy" won a Grammy Award for Best Urban/Alternative Performance in 2007 and was also nominated for Record of the Year, and it won a 2006 MTV Europe Music Award for Best Song. The music video was nominated for three 2006 MTV Video Music Awards: Best Group Video, Best Direction, and Best Editing, and won the latter two. It was also nominated for a 2006 MTV Europe Music Award for Best Video. "Crazy" was named the best song of 2006 by Rolling Stone and by The Village Voice's annual Pazz & Jop critics poll. "Crazy" was performed at the 2006 MTV Movie Awards, with Danger Mouse and Green dressed as various Star Wars characters.

The single entered multiple other single charts throughout Europe, including the German, the Swedish, the Austrian and the Irish Singles Charts, and the Dutch Top 40, resulting in a number one position on the European Hot 100 Singles. "Crazy" also performed strongly outside Europe, with top-five positions on the New Zealand and Australian Single Charts, and was also certified gold in both countries. In the US, the song "Crazy" spent seven consecutive weeks in the number-two spot on the Billboard Hot 100.

Musically, "Crazy" was inspired by film scores of Spaghetti Westerns, in particular by the works of Ennio Morricone, and the song "Last Men Standing" by Gian Piero Reverberi and Gian Franco Reverberi from the 1968 Spaghetti Western Django, Prepare a Coffin, an unofficial prequel to Django. "Crazy" samples the song, and also utilizes parts of the main melody and chord structure. Because of this, the Reverberis are credited as songwriters along with CeeLo Green and Danger Mouse. "Crazy" was used in several films and TV shows including Kick-Ass, I Think I Love My Wife, Religulous, The Big Short, Cold Case, How to Rock, Grey's Anatomy, Medium, Boyhood, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

"Crazy" received a total of 86,8% yes votes!

[just-null]

HELLO HANTENGU NATION (5 people)

I'VE MADE AN [unofficial] HEIGHT CHART FOR MYSELF

Hantengu: 5"5 (166cm) Sekido: 5"9 (175cm) Karaku: 5"9 (175cm) Urogi: 5"9 (175cm) Aizetsu: 5"9 (174cm) Zohakuten: 5"3 (160cm) Urami: 8"5 (257cm)

[little aftermath under the cut]

they're so annoying. peace is nonexistent... they're the best ever.

[introdemodev]

small edit...

I'm not sure if this has been asked already but is Fennel trans?

yea! fennel is a trans man. the game takes place in late 70s america + hes a public figure so hes not open about that part of his identity. 

i have answered this question in the past, but, tbf, my answers on this subject are scattered around various social media websites.

it’s always good to have one post that can be used for reference. so, i will be using this post, ahaha.

also, since this tends to be a follow up to this question...:

fennel is bi

wren and valentine are lesbians

diya is a straight ally shes rolling with the #lgbt

clyde is hetero(...flexible? 🤔)

fridge is pan

darcy is unlabeled (masc-pref). he wouldn't use the term unlabeled to describe himself.

pine is unlabeled too but she would not use the term unlabeled to describe herself either. she does love the ladies tho.

for clyde, pine, and darcy, a lot of that has to do with the time period theyre in. wren is also not openly a lesbian, only princess knows and valentine (val is her girlfriend). clyde will always say straight when prompted, no matter what. darcy does not believe anyone is privy to that information unless he feels he can trust them (this also has to do with his upbringing). as for pine, she just doesn't gaf, but she also lacks the vocabulary to describe herself well.

hope that makes sense. i do want to explore some of this in the vn.

i also dont mind headcanons for any characters who werent listed above. like if someone wants to headcanon spot as gay, bi, straight, whatevaaaa i would be like 'okay i can see that'. i encourage headcanons. :-)

(also i might edit this post later if i need to clarify or add smth!)

AND HERE'S THE EDIT: i forgot to mention, wren is also nonbinary! how could i forget wren, my favorite.

[premiumbitch]

TYPES OF FANS TO SCRIPT IN YOUR DR ! ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

hey loves! I decided to make this post for all the shifters who have fame drs! I personally think the idea of specifically scripting how people in your fandom are is a very cool idea, might be extra for some people but me... I enjoy scripting every detail of every crevice lmao anyways I hope you guys enjoy! :)

⋆⛧┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈⛧⋆

THE CULT-LIKE DEVOTEES ♡ //

This faction of the fandom doesn’t just admire the person they stan—they worship them. To these fans, their favorite celebrity is more than an artist; they are a living deity. Over time, they have built an entire belief system around their idol, complete with sacred rituals, celebratory holidays, and unofficial scriptures containing their most iconic quotes, song lyrics, and interviews.

Their gatherings resemble religious ceremonies, where they discuss their idol’s achievements as if they were divine miracles. Some members have gone as far as to tattoo symbols or words associated with their idol onto their bodies, believing it connects them to something greater than themselves. They refer to their fandom as a spiritual movement, and excommunication is the only punishment for anyone caught disrespecting or doubting their leader.

Critics often debate whether this level of devotion is concerning, but despite the cult-like aura, these fans remain organized, influential, and fiercely protective of their idol. They ensure their favorite celebrity's career flourishes, and their sheer numbers make them a dominant force in the entertainment industry.

THE RICH ELITE FANS ♡ //

While some fans support their favorite artist by streaming their music and buying albums, this particular group takes things to an entirely different level. These fans are wealthy, and when they spend, they spend big. They are the type to single-handedly buy out entire album stocks, ensuring their idol dominates every chart. If their favorite celebrity announces a concert, they purchase thousands of tickets, sometimes just to prevent scalpers from profiting off of them.

Money is not an issue for them, and they use their financial power to uplift their idol’s career in ways no ordinary fan could. They fund expensive projects, purchase extravagant birthday gifts, and even invest in massive advertising campaigns—Times Square billboards, Super Bowl commercials, and magazine covers promoting their favorite artist are all courtesy of them.

Beyond financial support, these fans are also highly connected. Some are CEOs, politicians, or heirs to powerful families, capable of pulling strings in ways most people can’t even imagine. If a brand disrespects their idol, that company will suffer—whether it be from an organized boycott or an unexplained financial downfall. The industry knows better than to cross them.

THE UNHINGED STANS ♡ //

These fans are chaos in human form. Their minds work in ways that no one can fully comprehend, and their humor is so unhinged that outsiders often find themselves both horrified and entertained by their antics.

They are known for flooding social media with the wildest takes, creating viral memes, and saying things that toe the line between absurdly funny and completely insane. One moment, they are writing detailed analyses about their idol’s artistic impact, and the next, they are threatening to physically fight anyone who so much as breathes in the direction of a hater.

Their obsession manifests in strange but hilarious ways—some have entire rooms dedicated to their idol, while others write fanfiction so outlandish that it becomes infamous across multiple fandoms. They are unpredictable, unstoppable, and absolutely terrifying to those who don’t understand their sense of humor.

The best part? Their loyalty is unwavering. They would go to war for their idol without hesitation, and their dedication is so intense that even non-fans can't help but be entertained by them.

THE LOYAL PROTECTORS ♡ //

Unlike casual fans, who simply enjoy an artist’s work, these fans treat their idol’s career as a mission. They are not just supporters—they are defenders.

Their digital archives contain years’ worth of receipts, ready to be deployed the moment a scandal or accusation arises. If someone tries to cancel their favorite celebrity, they will immediately launch a well-researched counterattack, using past statements, statistics, and undeniable proof to dismantle the opposition.

Beyond their skills in damage control, they have infiltrated various online communities, industry circles, and even entertainment journalism. Many of them work as PR professionals, social media strategists, and content moderators, ensuring that their idol's reputation remains spotless. Some even maintain direct contact with their celebrity, acting as unofficial advisors when necessary.

Their presence is so strong that public figures fear speaking against their idol, knowing full well that the backlash will be swift and merciless.

THE SECRET SOCIETY OF FANS ♡ //

While most fandoms operate openly, this particular group thrives in the shadows. Their identities remain a mystery, and their influence is whispered about rather than publicly acknowledged.

No one knows exactly who they are, but their actions suggest they are high-ranking individuals in society. Some believe they are government officials, elite hackers, or powerful industry insiders who have taken a personal interest in ensuring their idol’s success.

Their methods are calculated and often untraceable. If a journalist writes a negative article, it mysteriously disappears within hours. If an enemy tries to sabotage their idol’s career, their own reputation suddenly crumbles without explanation. Some conspiracy theorists even claim that this group has rigged award shows, manipulated voting polls, and orchestrated industry shifts to benefit their chosen celebrity.

Their existence remains unconfirmed, but the evidence of their work is undeniable.

THE SUPER INTELLECTUALS ♡ //

While most fandoms contain passionate supporters, this group consists of some of the most intelligent individuals on the planet. Professors, researchers, and literary scholars dedicate their time to analyzing their idol’s work, treating every piece of content as though it were a classic novel or historical document.

They have convinced universities to offer courses on their idol’s artistic influence, written peer-reviewed articles about their impact, and even debated industry professionals on their significance. Their level of analysis is so detailed that even skeptics begin to question whether their idol is actually a misunderstood genius.

Every time their idol releases new content, they dissect it in ways no one else would even consider—breaking down themes, symbols, and deeper meanings that casual fans overlook. If anyone dares to claim their idol isn’t talented, they will effortlessly destroy them with a dissertation-level argument.

THE MEDIA MANIPULATORS ♡ //

These fans are masters of digital warfare. They control the internet with terrifying efficiency, making sure that every narrative surrounding their idol benefits them.

They know exactly how to manipulate social media algorithms, ensuring that positive news about their idol dominates trending pages while negative press is buried within minutes. They flood comment sections, report harmful content, and flood search results with favorable articles.

Many of them work within the media industry themselves—journalists, social media managers, and digital marketers who understand how to sway public opinion. Their work is so seamless that most people don’t even realize they’re being influenced.

THE FANATICAL STREAMERS ♡ //

To these fans, streaming is a science. They have developed complex algorithms, spreadsheets, and AI tools to maximize their idol's streaming numbers.

They hold scheduled streaming marathons, coordinate across different time zones, and organize mass listening events. They even educate new fans on the most efficient ways to stream to ensure chart dominance. Some have gone as far as to create automated streaming bots, making sure their idol's music is never off the charts.

Their dedication is so extreme that even music industry executives acknowledge their impact.

THE AESTHETIC CULTURE CREATORS ♡ //

These fans determine what’s cool. They create stunning fan edits, viral TikTok trends, and fashion movements inspired by their idol. Other fandoms copy them, influencers follow their lead, and brands scramble to appeal to their aesthetic.

Their work is so influential that even people who don’t listen to their idol’s music still engage with their content.

THE CELEBRITY CONVERTORS ♡ //

Their goal? Make everyone a fan. They strategically target influencers, actors, and musicians, ensuring that their idol’s reach extends into every corner of pop culture.

They have converted entire celebrities into die-hard stans, leading to unexpected collaborations, viral moments, and industry-wide recognition. Even those who initially had no interest in their idol eventually find themselves drawn in.

Hope you guys found this helpful, requests are appreciated! <3

[secretartsfandomlife]

Wake up. Watch Dan and Phil's new video about 2015 and tatinof. Go on a day trip. Walk into a charity shop and come face to face with the Unofficial 2015 Vloggers Yearbook. Find Dan and Phil inside. Walk out 99p poorer and with what is clearly a literary classic.

Most amused so far by Dan's pie chart having a larger piece for Delia Smith than phan, and Dan and Phil only having one friend and it not being Louise.

[x-i-l-verify]

Okay Linked Universe Fandom, we have to talk. I am extremely disappointed in all of us that out of all the myriad possible duos of the Chain, only one has an official name (Downfall Duo). This has got to change. We need more duo names stat. So, this is my proposed list! Hopefully at least some of them catch on. 👀 Many thanks to @kuraiarcoiris for assisting me with some of the uncooperative duos on the list. >.> Looking at you, Warriors and Wind.

Without further ado!

Sky

Sky+Four: Horizon Duo (because they are the first two Links chronologically in the timeline, charting new horizons for the young kingdom of Hyrule, and because I view the two as representing the sky and the world [e.g. Four’s element motif]. And where do the sky and world meet? The horizon.)

Sky+Time: Wife Duo (because they both canonically love their wives and miss them. Sky isn’t married to Sun yet, but he will be, so it counts. >:V)

Sky+Legend: Harp Duo (because they both canonically play magic harps and enjoy music)

Sky+Hyrule: Thunder Duo (because of their abilities to channel lightning and the fact that Hyrlule’s spell is called Thunder. Also two of the quietist Links having a duo named after a loud sound is amusing)

Sky+Twilight: Firmament Duo (because “firmament” another word for the physical sky, and also sounds like “firm,” and both characters are good grounding forces for the other Links.)

Sky+Warriors: Knight Duo (because they actually remember their training as knights and can apply that training. Plus, both are knights in shining armor for their Zeldas.)

Sky+Wind: Breeze Duo (because flying and sailing both use air currents, and breezes are heartening and encouraging, just like these two.)

Sky+Wild: Aeon Duo (because “aeon” means "a long or seemingly long period of time" and these two are the Links that had to wait the longest amount of time to complete their quests.)

-

Four

Four+Sky: Horizon Duo

Four+Time: Shade Duo (because they are possibly the only two Links that lingered after their deaths, Time with the Hero’s Shade in Twilight Princess and Four with the four Shadow Links that appear in the Palace of the Four Sword in A Link to the Past [though one could theorize that those are Dark Links unrelated to Four entirely, so this duo name could also refer to Shadow from the Four Swords manga])

Four+Legend: Forging Duo (because not only do they have blacksmithing skills, but both forge the way for the heroes who come after them to the best of their abilities.)

Four+Hyrule: Mousetrap Duo (because they can both shrink to the size of mice, Four with his Minish form and Hyrule with his Fairy spell)

Four+Twilight: Prism Duo (because light is very important to both of their games [Twilight’s light spirits and Four’s Light Force], but also their mechanics allow them to “split” and show another side of them like light through a prism, i.e. Four's ability to divide into four and Twilght’s crystal that lets him become a wolf)

Four+Warriors: Teamwork Duo (because their games center on teamwork more than any of the others')

Four+Wind: Shield Duo (because of their identical shields that signifies a possible blood connection between them)

Four+Wild: Shattered Duo (because they both break or "shatter" things in order to fight. Four breaks himself through his splitting mechanic, and Wild breaks his weapons. You could also interpret this as Wild's memories being broken, too.)

-

Time

Time+Sky: Wife Duo

Time+Four: Shade Duo

Time+Legend: Melodic Duo (because their games focus so much on music)

Time+Hyrule: Fairy Duo (because of their connection to fairies)

Time+Twilight: Legacy Duo (self-explanatory)

Time+Warriors: Command Duo (because leader and his unofficial second in command)

Time+Wind: Menace Duo (because these two absolutely will be menaces together once Time relaxes a bit.)

Time+Wild: Moon Duo (because of the focus on the moon in their games. “I Hate the Moon” Duo doesn’t have the same ring to it :p)

-

Legend

Legend+Sky: Harp Duo

Legend+Four: Forging Duo

Legend+Time: Melodic Duo

Legend+Hyrule: Downfall Duo (basically codified fanon at this point)

Legend+Twilight: Critter Duo (because they are currently the only two Links with animal forms)

Legend+Warriors: Worsties Duo (or just "the Worsties." Self-explanatory :3c)

Legend+Wind:Seagull Duo (because Aryll loves seagulls and Marin loved seagulls.)

Legend+Wild: Stockpile Duo (Because they’re obsessive about being prepared, so they stockpile things more than anyone else in the whole Chain.)

-

Hyrule

Hyrule+Sky: Thunder Duo

Hyrule+Four: Mousetrap Duo

Hyrule+Time: Fairy Duo

Hyrule+Legend: Downfall Duo

Hyrule+Twilight: Rustic Duo (because they both come from very humble origins. Most of the Links come from pretty humble origins, but I get the feeling those two are Country Boys if you know what I mean. ;))

Hyrule+Warriors:Firestorm Duo (because of Warriors' penchant for using fire in battle and Hyrule's thunder spell)

Hyrule+Wind: Salvage Duo (because both have had to salvage their kingdoms from their destroyed states and salvage important items from where they were scattered around their worlds)

Hyrule+Wild:Wander Duo (because they both are the most adventurous Links and tend to go off the beaten path more than any of the others)

-

Twilight

Twilight+Sky: Firmament Duo

Twilight+Four: Prism Duo

Twilight+Time: Legacy Duo

Twilight+Legend: Critter Duo

Twilight+Hyrule: Rustic Duo

Twilight+Warriors: Big Brother Duo (because they are the big brothers of the Chain)

Twilight+Wind: Successor Duo (because they are Time’s direct successors that are actually acknowledged as such in their games and in the comic)

Twilight+Wild: Protégé Duo (because Twilight is Time's protege and Wild is Twilight's)

-

Warriors

Warriors+Sky: Knight Duo

Warriors+Four: Teamwork Duo

Warriors+Time: Command Duo

Warriors+Legend: Worsties Duo

Warriors+Hyrule: Firestorm Duo

Warriors+Twilight: Big Brother Duo

Warriors+Wind: Scarf Duo (because there have been a few panels where Wind steals or hides under Warriors’ scarf)

Warriors+Wild: Arson Duo (because of that one sketch where the two are riding on a log burning everything down around them, and they clearly enjoy setting things on fire)

-

Wind

Wind+Sky: Breeze Duo

Wind+Four:Shield Duo

Wind+Time: Menace Duo

Wind+Legend:Seagull Duo

Wind+Hyrule: Salvage Duo

Wind+Twilight: Successor Duo

Wind+Warriors: Scarf Duo

Wind+Wild: Walkie Talkie Duo (because Wind's joy pendant allows him to talk to Wild through his Shiekah slate)

-

Wild

Wild+Sky: Aeon duo

Wild+Four:Shattered Duo

Wild+Time: Moon Duo

Wild+Legend: Stockpile Duo

Wild+Hyrule:Wander Duo

Wild+Twilight: Protégé Duo

Wild+Warriors: Arson Duo

Wild+Wind:Walkie Talkie Duo

-

A few trios for good measure!

Wind + Wars + Time = Eras Trio

Wars + Sky + Wild = Chivalry Trio

Wind + Wild + Hyrule = Apocalypse Trio

Hyrule + Legend + Wild = Triple Threat

Warriors + Twilight + Sky = Big Bro Trio

[amethystfairy1]

Do you have like a height chart for the characters in TTSBC?

I do! It’s on the Unofficial Official TTSBC wiki run by @silver-sunray which is on A03, all the character profiles published there list cannon heights for them!

[samaeljigoku]

A fairly comprehensive chart I made of J-Horror and similar, adjacent games for the PS2. I just wanted to share these so more people would know about them. This is obviously *not* the entire horror genre, and is in no real order. Some of these had official ports in the US and Europe, some didn't but might have unofficial translations. Mystic Nights is one of the only Korean-exclusive horror games made for this console.

I attempted to make a PS1 version of this chart, but the amount of horror to sort through on that console is unreal. It really is depthless, and I don't have the time.

[astr0morty]

Counting the # of times each R&M character sits in each chair around the dining table

I've always found it funny that the whole family is always sitting in different chairs around the dining table (my family, and I'm sure many others, have unofficial 'assigned' seats at the table), so on my latest rewatch of the show, I kept track of the number of times each character sat in each particular chair. (Please keep in mind that while I tried my hardest to count every single time and record them as accurately as I could, it's entirely possible I made mistakes/mixed something up).

Firstly, this is how I numbered the chairs:

Most common chair everyone sat in:

Jerry: Seat #1 (17 times)

Morty: Seat #2 (14 times)

Space Beth: Seat #2 (5 times)

Rick: Seat #4 (10 times)

Beth: Seat #4 (15 times)

Summer: Seat #6 (17 times) 

Chart of the Total Counts:

Important Note:

Sometimes there's only one seat on the side facing the window, so for consistency it is counted as #6.

When there are three seats on the 2-3 side, the middle seat is counted as #3.

More statistics/notes are listed below!

Additional characters: 

Leonard sat in seat #2, Joyce in seat #3, and Jacob in seat #5 one time (Anatomy Park)

Uncle Steve (parasite) sat in seat #4 one time (Total Rickall)

Mr. Poopybutthole sat in seat #6 one time (Total Rickall)

The President sat in seat #1 one time (Thanksploitation Spectacular)

Misc. Notes

In Rattlestar Ricklatica: Rick (seat 4), Morty (seat 3), & Summer (seat 5) are sitting at the table playing downbeat. This is included in misc. count, since it doesn't fall under the breakfast/dinner categories.

Mr. Nimbus sits in seat 4 (?) and Rick in seat 1 (?) during Mort Dinner Rick Andre; it’s difficult to tell though since the table is facing a different direction (these are not included in the total count).

Unnamed girl from Vat of Acid montage sat in seat #3 once. The chairs the rest of the family sat in during this scene is counted under the misc. category, since once again, it wasn't during a meal but they were still sitting around the table.

I made note of the decoy families during Mortyplicity, but these are not included in the total counts:

Decoy family #1: Morty: #2, Rick: #3, Beth: #4, Summer: #5 Decoy family #2: Summer: #2, Beth: #3, Rick: #4, Jerry: #5, Morty: #6  Decoy family #3: Morty: #2, Summer: #5, Beth: #6

The family from Jerry’s original dimension at the end of Solaricks is included in the total, as well as the one scene from when Morty was in the Fear Hole and they were all eating breakfast. (Generally, I included alternate families, flashbacks, montages, etc. in the total count if it was shown on-screen for more than a couple seconds, otherwise I'd make note of it seperately.)

There are several flashbacks in Unmortricken when Evil Rick and Morty show up in random homes while the family is seated around the table, shooting Rick and tranquilizing Morty. I didn't include these in the total, but listed them here:

Normal alt. dimension: Jerry: #1, Morty: #2, Rick: #3, Beth: #4, Summer: #6 Victorian dimension: Jerry: #1, Summer: #3, Beth: #4, Morty: #5, Rick: #6 Long sleeves dimension: Rick: #2, Morty: #3 (others can't be seen)

Rick and Morty eating burritos at the table in Rickfending Your Mort is counted under misc. since again, it's not breakfast or dinner.

Note about seat numbers:

This is already mentioned above, but sometimes certain seats are missing or there are extra seats; generally, this is when Space Beth is there, and there are three seats on one side. Sometimes, there is only one seat on the side facing the window.  

For example, in the following scene, I counted both Beth and Summer as seat #3 because there are 3 seats on that side temporarily. There was one other case where this happened, and I did the same then as well.

Heres a photo of one of the most common seating arrangements I noticed (excluding Space Beth):

Well, thats all I have! Hope you guys found this data at least a little interesting! :)

[hamsterclaw]

Humbug

Bangtan Christmas 2023 drabble 1 - read the rest here.

Paediatrician Dr Jung Hoseok is beloved by all his patients and everyone he works with. Unfortunately, his cheerful demeanour is only a front, underneath it all, he's a humbug.

Pairing: Hoseok x f! reader

Genre: Paediatrician Hoseok, social worker reader, fluff, smut

Rating: 18+

Word count: 6k

Warnings: Sex, swearing, medical emergencies

Hoseok looks up from the computer screen at the sound of his name. His eyes take a moment to adjust, the screen’s the brightest light in the otherwise darkened paediatric ward.

The nurse, Jihyo, holds out a mug of coffee, just how he likes it. 

Hoseok accepts gratefully, stares at the words on the side of the mug.

Big patience for little patients.

He blinks, indifferent, and goes back to prescribing.

His phone rings, muted because it’s 3am but he can hear it loud and clear.

He lifts it to his ear. ‘Dr Jung,’ he says by way of greeting.

‘You’re needed in the ER,’ comes the crisp tone of the ER charge nurse.

Hoseok sighs, doesn’t bother to ask why. ‘I’ll be there in 5.’

He hangs up, signs the chart and gulps the rest of his coffee, scorching his tongue and the roof of his mouth but preferring the burn to the desolate pang of his empty stomach.

The dry sandwich he’d bolted at 6pm the day before is nothing but a distant memory, churning its partially digested way through his intestines.

He takes a shortcut to the ER, cutting through the works alley between buildings.

Ironic that he has to pass the unofficial smoker’s alley to get fresh air.

Kim Namjoon, his friend and the resident cardiothoracics surgeon, nods and waves a vape pen at him in greeting. 

Hoseok lifts a hand back, pushes the back entrance door open that someone’s propped open with a brick, hospital security be damned, re-enters the hospital next to the mortuary.

He glances askance at the double doors. It always makes him feel a little twitchy passing the morgue in the early hours of the morning.

He reminds himself he’s a grown adult as he picks up the pace, allows himself a little sigh of relief as he turns the corner and sees the bright lights of radiology.

He’s greeted by a cacophony of noises as he enters the ER, monitors beeping, people barking out instructions, distant sirens as ambulances pull up to the drop off.

He narrows his eyes against the fluorescent white strip lighting, looking around for the charge nurse’s familiar navy tunic. 

He spots her by the resus bay, grimaces a bit at the carnage from a trauma that hasn’t been cleaned up.

‘Called for a paediatric consult?’ 

The charge nurse nods, brisk, waves an arm in the vague direction of the paediatric area. 

‘15 year old, intoxicated.’

With that she’s off, and Hoseok trudges away. 

The atmosphere in the paediatric area is less jarring, not so much because of the cheerful murals on the walls, but because it’s quieter, less hectic.

Hoseok assesses a teenager in a glittery jumpsuit who smells so strongly of alcohol and hairspray he reminds him of his own high school leaving prom.

He does an assessment, makes the mistake of asking the teen if he wants a drink on his way out of the exam room.

The teen chortles gleefully. 

‘Yeah, gin and tonic, hold the tonic!’

Hoseok rolls his eyes as he exits.

He’s looking for a free computer to write up his notes when there’s movement in the periphery of his vision. 

‘Need a computer?’ you ask. 

Hoseok blinks to wake himself up. You’re way too pretty considering the early hour. Judging by your attire, more casual than smart, your carelessly styled hair, he makes an educated guess. 

‘Are you with social services?’ 

‘Y/N, duty social worker,’ you confirm, nodding towards the exam room he’s just exited. ‘Jaebeom’s one of ours.’ 

‘Yeah?’ Hoseok asks. ‘I’m Hoseok, paediatrics. I’m admitting him until he sobers up.’ 

You nod. ‘His foster carer can pick him up in the morning, she’s got another child that she needs to drop off at school.’ 

You look around, yawning delicately behind your hand. ‘Is there a place to get coffee around here at this time?’ 

There’s an on-call room waiting for him, a bed, but Hoseok doesn’t hesitate. 

‘If you have five minutes for me to write up my notes, I can take you to the lounge?’ 

You give him a look he doesn’t bother to interpret, it’s now 4am and if you say no he can always go to bed. 

‘Yeah,’ you say. ‘Thanks.’ 

Hoseok types up his notes with you sitting in one of the empty chairs in the otherwise deserted paediatric department. 

When he logs off he’s amused to find you engrossed in sorting shapes to slot into a sphere. 

‘I can give you a few more minutes if you want,’ he says, dry. 

You laugh. ‘I’ll be quicker once I’ve had caffeine.’ 

You follow him down the corridor towards the main hospital to the lounge. 

Hoseok swipes his ID badge, pushes the door open. 

You take in the ancient mismatched couches, the big screen TV, the tiny kitchenette with the top-of-the-line coffee machine, the chipped mugs drying next to the sink.

‘So this is how doctors roll, huh?’ you say. 

Hoseok laughs. ‘Yeah baby, stick with me and I’ll show you a good time.’ 

He waggles his eyebrows, and you burst out laughing. 

Hoseok’s struck by your smile and the way your eyes light up. He clears his throat, tells himself to stop staring at you like a creep. 

‘Latte?’ he offers, picking up the nicest mug he can see. 

‘Yeah, thanks,’ you say. 

You’re fishing in your bag, emerging with a half-opened package of cookies. 

He exchanges your coffee for a cookie, gestures to one of the couches. 

He’s not expecting you to sit next to him, there’s plenty of space, but after a moment, you choose the seat beside him. 

You sip your coffees in silence. 

‘Been busy?’ you ask. 

‘Yeah, a little,’ Hoseok replies. 

Up close like this, he can see the tiny piercings in your ear, the gleam of gold through the fall of your hair. 

Again, he pulls himself together with effort. 

‘Have you been busy?’ he asks. 

You stretch a little. ‘Yeah. We’re short-staffed, like always. Also something about the cold weather makes people be shits to each other.’

Hoseok’s not surprised. Winter’s always hard, fuck Christmas spirit and all that jazz.

‘I hear you,’ he says. 

You sip your coffee, offer him another cookie which he accepts. 

Your phone rings in your bag, you glance at him as you fish your phone out. 

‘Duty calls,’ you say ruefully. ‘Thanks for the coffee.’ 

Hoseok’s about to bid you goodbye when you lean towards him, close, thumb brushing a corner of his mouth so quickly he barely registers it before you’re pulling your hand away. 

‘Crumbs,’ you say. There’s the tiniest twinkle in your eye.

Hoseok’s voice comes out raspy as he says, ‘Thanks.’ 

‘See you around, doc.’ 

You’re not waiting for an answer, shouldering your bag, tossing him one last look on your way out. 

Hoseok leans back against the couch, willing his heartrate to decelerate. 

Outside, the darkest part of the night’s just about over. 

***

Hoseok’s working hard to keep his bright smile on today. 

He’s had a parent ask him if he has kids and then tell him he couldn’t possibly understand how precious their child is, as he doesn’t have children of his own. 

He got an email from a conference he’s applied to saying due to the huge number of applicants, his abstract wasn’t selected for presentation. 

His intern, Hyunjin, seems to be on a mission to aggravate him as much as possible. 

‘We need a derm consult,’ Hyunjin tells him at the end of presenting the patient he’s just seen. 

Hoseok closes his eyes briefly, desperately summoning what remains of his rapidly dwindling stores of patience. 

‘Why do we need a derm consult, Dr Park?’ he tries not to bark. 

‘This patient has verrucas.’ 

Hoseok blinks, takes a breath. 

‘This patient needs nebulised albuterol and oxygen and an admission to paediatrics. The verrucas can wait until he gets better and the mom can stop by a pharmacy for some over-the-counter verruca treatment.’ 

Hyunjin stares at him. 

‘He’s satting in the low nineties,’ Hoseok points out, words coming out brisk, staccato. ‘I can hear him wheezing from here.’ 

The ER nurse behind Hyunjin’s already tutting and prepping the neb. 

‘Was there anything else, Hyunjin?’ Hoseok asks, getting up, staring at the rapidly expanding list of patients waiting for a paediatric consult.

His phone rings, and he pulls it out of his pocket with a sigh. 

‘Dr Jung,’ he says. 

‘Is that Hoseok?’ 

The voice is vaguely familiar, but he can’t place it. 

‘Depends who’s asking,’ he snaps. 

‘It’s Y/N, the social worker. You got me coffee last week at 4am?’ 

Hoseok has a flash of a memory, of your hand on his face. 

‘Shit, sorry,’ he says, running a hand through his hair, already sticking straight up in all directions, courtesy of the shitty haircut he got in the barbershop on his way in. 

‘Rough day, huh?’ you say, the sympathy in your voice making warmth bloom in his chest. 

‘Yeah.’ 

‘I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner after work today,’ you ask, no preamble, so direct Hoseok takes a moment to process. 

‘I’d love to,’ he says. ‘I don’t get off until 8, though.’ 

‘I finish at 8 too,’ you say. ‘That works for me.’ 

You exchange numbers, and you promise to text him details. 

‘Hope your day gets better, Dr Jung,’ you say, the teasing note in your voice making him smile, genuinely, for the first time, today. 

‘It already is,’ he says. 

He’s still smiling when he hangs up. 

‘Hoseok,’ comes a voice from behind him. 

Hoseok raises a brow inquiringly at Hyunjin, who, inexplicably, is still standing there. 

‘About the verrucas,’ begins Hyunjin. 

‘Nope,’ Hoseok says, pleasantly, still smiling. 

He brushes past Hyunjin and picks up the next consult. 

***

It’s ten to eight and thank fuck for that, because Hoseok’s had enough of today. 

He’s getting changed out of the scrubs he was forced to change into after he was projectile vomited on by a chubby 10 month old, grateful he has spare clothes in his locker, when the door to the changing rooms opens. 

Hoseok pauses, shirtless, hands on the tie of his scrubs bottoms. 

Hyunjin blinks at him. 

‘Nice abs, boss,’ he says. 

Hoseok eyes both the fluffy white tee he was about to change into and the scrubs top he’s just discarded, questioning why he ever thought going into medicine was a good idea. 

He grits his teeth. 

‘Yes, Hyunjin?’ 

‘There’s a blue light call - breathless five year old, ETA 3 minutes.’ 

‘Jisoo is on tonight, let her know,’ Hoseok replies. ‘Also, close the door, damnit.’ 

Hyunjin looks surprised at the three medical students who have clustered behind him, all of whom are staring at Hoseok wide-eyed. 

‘Jisoo’s going to be twenty minutes late, something about a train breakdown?’

Hyunjin’s got the wisdom to stay out of Hoseok’s reach. 

Hoseok’s hand lands on his soft t-shirt, longingly. 

With a sigh, he bypasses it and reaches for his scrubs top, pulling it over his head. 

‘I’ll be right there,’ he says. 

***

By the time Hoseok’s assessed the breathless patient and handed over to an apologetic Jisoo, the time on the clock on the wall says 9pm. 

Hoseok pulls his phone out, dials your number. 

You answer on the first ring. 

Without waiting for him to say anything, you say, ‘The food’s still hot, I took the liberty of ordering for you. Are you on your way?’ 

Hoseok breathes out, a sigh of relief so profound he feels lightheaded. 

‘Marry me,’ he says. ‘I’ll be there in ten.’ 

He gets dressed in record time, emerges out of the carnage of the ER like a phoenix rising from the ashes. 

You’re the first person he sees when he gets to the restaurant, and you’re the best thing he’s seen all day. 

He greets you with a hug and a cheek kiss that you weren’t expecting, judging by the shy smile on your pretty face. 

‘I —’ you start, then you stop, adorably flustered. 

‘You’re beautiful,’ Hoseok says. ‘I’ve been looking forward to this all day.’ 

‘I was just going to say I ordered tempura that’s on its way,’ you say. 

‘I’m sorry I’m so late,’ Hoseok says. He’s got his hand on yours on the table without any memory of how it got there, but he likes the feel of it. 

‘Make it up to me,’ you say, easy. 

‘I’m going to do my best,’ he promises. 

***

At least four people have seen Hoseok’s bare chest today, but you’re the only person he cares about impressing, at least right at this moment. 

Because holy fuck, you’re beautiful, pressed tight to him on your poky couch, mouth on his, lips and teeth clashing as he kisses you over and over. 

You’re making noises that are driving him slightly crazy, making him feel hot and desperate, and he has to stop himself from looking at your tits in that black bra or he’s going to embarrass himself. 

Shit. 

Your hand’s slid down, brushing over his dick, and he’s so hard already he has to will himself not to nut right now. 

He tugs experimentally at the strap of your bra, and when you don’t protest he tugs it down, cups the weight of your left breast. 

God, you feel so good. Soft, warm, exposed nipple begging to be kissed. 

He runs his thumb over your areola, a slow pass. 

The low moan you let out gives him the confidence to scrape the tip of his nail over the peak of your breast. 

‘God, take it off, Hoseok,’ you tell him, and Hoseok’s sure as hell not going to make you ask twice. 

He slides a hand around your bare back, unhooks your bra, can’t stop himself from looking. 

His dick, already trying to stand at attention in its denim prison, twitches at the sight of your bared breasts. 

Hoseok’s trying to remember what colour briefs he has on, if it’ll be obvious when he takes his jeans off that he’s leaking precum just from looking at your tits. 

Then you cup the length of him over his jeans, and he finds he doesn’t give a fuck. 

Your skirt’s ridden up, your thighs part under his hand encouragingly. 

You’re so soft Hoseok can’t suppress a groan. 

He hooks a couple fingers under the gusset of your panties, tugs, and your hand lands on his. 

Hoseok looks up, hand stilling. 

Hoseok’s been told that he has a gorgeous smile, but just at this moment, you’re the one who’s blinding him. 

‘You can touch,’ you say, voice husky, teeth in your bottom lip. 

‘Yeah?’ Hoseok asks, his own voice raspy, dropped low. 

‘Yeah.’ 

‘Can I taste?’ 

You help him tug your panties down, over the curve of your ass that he can’t resist squeezing. 

He tugs the flimsy cotton down your thighs, helps you slide a leg out. 

He realises, belatedly, that you never answered his question, but you don’t seem to mind as he bends down, flicks his tongue against your pretty cunt. 

Damn, you sound even prettier when he’s eating you out. 

Hoseok licks into your folds, nudges your clit. 

He doesn’t have any hangups about giving head, especially not in a girl like you who seems to enjoy everything he’s doing. 

‘Shit, Hoseok,’ you moan, breathless, eyes squeezed shut. 

He pushes a finger into you, curls it, and you cry out so loudly his cock hardens even more. 

He tugs at the button fly of his jeans, loosening them for a little relief. 

‘Please tell me you have a condom,’ you plead, voice thick, so sexy Hoseok can’t believe you’re under him like this. 

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Why don’t you come and I’ll fuck you?’ 

‘Fuck me now,’ you tell him. 

Hoseok seals his lips around your clit, flicks his tongue, slips another finger into you, scissoring, pressing, slow, making every movement count. 

‘Hoseok!’ 

He doesn’t reply, because he can tell by the way your thighs are shaking that you’re close. 

He just needs another minute. 

He doesn’t know if you’ve realised that your fingers are in his hair, pulling, but he’s taking it as a positive. 

He keeps doing what he’s doing with his tongue, because you seem to like it. 

Your cunt tightens around his fingers, you call his name again, buck your hips into his face, and Hoseok doesn’t even need you to tell him you’re coming because he can feel you pulsing, can hear it in your voice, can feel the way everything tightens as you reach your peak. 

It’s the hottest thing he’s seen in a while. 

Fuck. 

Hoseok draws himself out of jeans, takes himself in hand, pumps once. 

You haven’t forgotten him. 

‘Get inside, Hoseok,’ you say, and as he fishes the condom out of his jeans you flip it out of his grasp and rip it with your teeth. 

Hoseok closes his eyes as you squeeze the tip and roll it onto his dick, concentrating on not coming in your grasp. 

You push him back onto the couch, get on top of him, and Hoseok could weep at the view. 

Your hair’s a mess, your lips bitten and flushed, and goddamn, your tits need to be in a museum. 

He doesn’t realise he’s said that last bit out loud until you burst out laughing. 

‘Shut up, Hoseok,’ you tell him, but you’re still riding him so there’s that. 

Hoseok grabs your hips, helps you move even though you’re doing a pretty damn good job already. 

‘You like this, Hoseok?’ you ask. 

Hoseok flexes his cock inside you. ‘Yeah,’ he says. 

‘I like it too.’ 

‘Yeah?’ 

You lean forward, tits bouncing in front of his face, and Hoseok thinks that if he died right now, smothered in between your breasts, he wouldn’t mind one bit. 

‘Go on, baby, take what you want,’ you say. 

Hoseok bucks his hips hard, up into the wet warmth of your cunt, tugs your head down to kiss you deep, open-mouthed, and comes with a groan, deep in his chest. 

Bliss. 

***

Hoseok wakes in a bed he doesn’t remember getting into, a bedroom that he finds soothing, with its neutral colours and soft sunlight filtering in the crack between the curtains.

There’s an arm flung across his chest, the soft curve of a breast against his chest. 

You’re turned away, boneless, in a deep sleep. 

His incorrigible cock stirs as he takes in the line of your back, down to the tempting curve of your ass. 

He spots the clock on the wall, groans when he realises he should really be up now if he wants to get to work on time. 

You’re still dead asleep even after he’s fully dressed, splayed out in the sheets, gloriously naked.

Hoseok pulls the duvet over your bare shoulder, resists the urge to kiss your upturned cheek, and makes sure the door’s locked behind him as he leaves.

***

Hoseok tightens his scarf around his neck as he waits for you at the entrance to the Christmas market you’ve managed to convince him to accompany you to.

The fact is, he hates the cold, he thinks all Christmas markets are gimmicky and overpriced, and after a run of incredibly busy shifts, he’d much rather be in bed with you right now than here.

Hoseok sidesteps neatly as he’s approached by a jovial couple dressed as Father Christmas and Mrs Klaus.

He’s about to pull his phone out to check on you when you hurry up to him, tuck your arm in his.

‘Hobi! You weren’t waiting long, were you?’

Hoseok looks at your bright smile and can’t bring himself to say anything other than ‘no, not long.’

Your lips are cold, but the kiss you plant on his cheek, next to his mouth, goes a long way towards improving his mood.

He doesn’t even give the three elves handing out tiny candy canes a dirty look.

‘Crepes?’ you suggest, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the longest queue is in front of the crepe stand.

‘Sure,’ Hoseok agrees.

You get in line and immediately turn to him, sliding your arms around his waist, under his coat.

‘How’ve you been?’ you ask.

Hoseok and you have met up a couple times over the last three weeks, enough that he’s left a spare shirt and some toiletries at your place.

You’re sweet, and fun, and he hopes you like him as much as he’s starting to like you. 

‘I’m better now,’ he says, just so he can admire the glow of your smile. 

‘You’re cheesy,’ you say, but the brightness in your eyes tells him you don’t mind. 

‘Nah,’ Hoseok replies. ‘You dragged us to this Christmas market, I know you’ve got your eye on one of those tacky reindeer tree ornaments, you don’t get to call me cheesy.’ 

‘I like the blue one,’ you say, conceding so easily Hoseok has to smile. 

‘Wait here, I’ll go and get it,’ he says. 

‘What crepe do you want?’ you ask, as he pulls away. 

‘Surprise me,’ he tells you. 

Hoseok walks over to the ornament stall you’ve been eyeing for the past five minutes, picks out the blue ornament, hesitates over the collection of tiny gold Christmas bauble earrings. 

He makes a decision, pays, shoves his purchases into his coat pocket and walks back to you. 

You hold a crepe out to him, and he accepts with a ‘thanks’, taking the warm paper-wrapped bundle out of your hand and taking a bite. 

The warm melted chocolate floods his taste buds, and he tries not to moan at the gooey sweetness of it. 

‘Good, right?’ you ask. ‘Worth the wait.’ 

You’re not waiting for an answer, skipping ahead, heading for the chestnuts and hot chocolate like you’re a walking Christmas cliche. 

Hoseok follows behind you. He finds he doesn’t really mind. 

***

You stick your key in the lock, unlock the door to your apartment, don’t bother with the lights before you turn around and slide your hands up Hoseok’s chest, fingers tucked under the lapels of his coat. 

Hoseok doesn’t have a lot to say, not when you’re looking up at him, lips pouted for a kiss. 

He slips a hand around the back of your neck, cupping your head, and tilts his head down to yours. 

‘Mmmm,’ you murmur. ‘You taste like chocolate.’ 

Hoseok leans down again, kisses you deep, tongue sliding into your mouth. 

‘It’s cold,’ he says. ‘Warm me up.’ 

He’s only half-serious, having you pressed against him like this is doing a hell of a job of warming him up. 

The wicked gleam in your eye gets him the rest of the way. 

‘Come on. Want to take a bath?’ you ask. 

Hoseok makes out with you in front of the mirror in your bathroom whilst the tub fills, is a short second away from guiding his cock between your legs when you pull away, bend over in front of him to test the temperature.

‘Get in,’ you say, and Hoseok’s always been good at following instructions. 

He slides into the warm heat of the bath, groans at the feel of it, reaches out to steady you as you climb in on top of him, right into his lap, impatient like he feels. 

You look so good bare and wet like this, the steam making tendrils of your hair curl against your neck, the tops of your breasts visible above the water line. Hoseok hadn’t thought he could get any harder but he does. 

‘Sit on me,’ he says, and there’s a slosh of water, wet skin against wet skin, and then the slippery warmth of your cunt, taking him in. 

The tips of your breasts jiggle in front of him as you move, and between the tightness of your walls around him and the prettiness of your moans, Hoseok’s in heaven. 

He slips a hand around your hips, helping you ride him, and curls his hand around your breast, lifting it out of the water so he can suck. 

You cry his name as he flicks his tongue over your nipple, and Hoseok squeezes the flesh of your hip, tight, under the water. 

Your rhythm’s erratic but it’s making the pleasure build, short, tight circles of your hips against his. 

‘Hoseok,’ you moan. 

‘Yeah?’ he mumbles, lips around the peak of your breast. 

He flexes his cock inside you, hums in satisfaction at the way your face goes slack, eyes half closed. 

Shit, you look so pretty in the throes of pleasure. 

Hoseok slides a hand up, fingers curling around your neck, thumb pressed into the hollow between your collarbones. 

Your voice is hoarse now, raspy like his, as he urges, ‘Go on, take it.’ 

He presses down, you gasp, and lose your rhythm entirely as you come around his cock, walls spasming around him. 

Hoseok takes over, fucking you through it, hardening until he comes with a low grunt. 

Wet, slick, warm. 

You’re tired, he can tell, the way you’re slumping against his chest. 

‘Come on,’ he says. ‘I’ll wash us off.’ 

He coaxes you into your shower with him, soaps over the marks he’s made on your skin, wraps you into a towel. 

By the time you’re both in bed, you’re more asleep than awake. 

‘Work tomorrow?’ you ask. 

‘I’m working,’ Hoseok tells you. ‘Want me to set an alarm for you?’ 

He doesn’t get an answer, you’re asleep on his chest already. 

He should get up, switch some lights off, but a moment later, he’s asleep too. 

***

Hoseok never thought he’d see the day he would want Hyunjin to be around, but he’s getting slammed, and the way things are looking, he needs all hands on deck. 

He’s jogging down the corridor to his second emergency call for the day despite it being only 10am. It’s busy even for the holidays. 

‘House fire,’ barks Mira, the ER charge nurse as Hoseok snaps on gloves. ‘Three children, five minutes out.’ 

‘How bad?’ asks Hoseok, prepping an IV access kit. 

‘PICU are aware, they’re sending backup when they can but they’ve got their own internal collapse, they’re dealing with an arrest on the neurosurgical ward,’ Mira replies. 

The doors slide open, and Hoseok can already tell from the looks on the paramedics’ faces that it’s not looking good. 

Fucking hell, where’s Hyunjin, what a day to be in resus training instead of on the floor. 

The second patient’s wheeled in as the first is still being parked, and Hoseok’s surprised to see you accompanying them, covered in soot, but he doesn’t have time to process now. 

All he can do is deal with what’s in front of him, so that’s what he does. 

***

It’s well into the afternoon by the time all three patients are stabilised and wheeled up to the PICU. 

Hoseok’s washing his hands mechanically in one of the resus sinks, buying his brain some time to come down from the adrenaline of the last few hours, when he hears his name called. 

‘Hey,’ you say, holding out a cup to him. 

Hoseok takes a big gulp of the steaming hot coffee. There’s sugar in it, he doesn’t usually have sugar in his coffee, but today it goes down smooth, giving him a much-needed glucose boost. 

He drinks most of it before he can muster a ‘Thanks.’ 

You don’t seem to be in a hurry. 

You’ve cleaned most of the soot off your face, but your top is ruined. 

Belatedly, Hoseok notices a plaster on your arm, remembers that you came in with the ambulance crew and the three kids. 

‘Are you ok?’ he asks. 

‘I’m fine,’ you say. ‘I was just outside the house when the gas oven imploded. I saw the kids in the window and got them out.’ 

Hoseok blinks. He hadn’t been expecting that. 

‘You ran into a burning house?’ 

You frown a bit. ‘It wasn’t burning then, there was just smoke everywhere.’ 

You cough, and he notices that your voice is a little hoarse. 

‘Besides, I was right there and I saw the kids, I couldn’t leave them.’ 

‘Shit,’ Hoseok says. He pulls you into a hug. ‘I didn’t know.’ 

‘Do you think they’re going to be ok?’ you ask, resting your head on his chest. 

‘I hope so,’ Hoseok says.

He pulls away. ‘Did they check your carbon monoxide levels?’ 

You laugh, and the tension in his chest eases a little. ‘Yes, doc, I’ve been cleared for discharge.’ 

You grab his hand, squeeze. ‘I’m probably doing better than you right now.’ 

‘This is why I hate Christmas,’ Hoseok blurts out. 

You’re looking at him, but you don’t say anything, and he can’t stop anyway.

‘Everyone goes on about Christmas and goodwill and people helping each other and yet the same shit happens as the rest of the year. It means nothing, just a commercial holiday that big companies use to make money out of dumb people.’ 

‘It’s bullshit,’ Hoseok says.

‘My parents feel the same as you,’ you say. You give him a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. ‘They never celebrated the holidays.’ 

‘They had the right idea,’ Hoseok agrees.

‘When do you get off today?’ you ask. ‘I can make us dinner, if you want.’ 

‘I don’t think I’ll be good company,’ Hoseok says, honestly. 

‘You’re welcome, even if you’re the biggest grinch in the world,’ you say, with a sweetness that makes warmth bloom in his chest. 

‘I’m not a grinch,’ he says, half-heartedly. 

‘A humbug, then,’ you say. 

You reach out and touch his cheek. 

‘Come over, later, if you want.’ 

***

Hoseok finds himself outside your apartment after his shift, wondering if you really wanted him to come over. 

You don’t keep him waiting long, soon enough you’re opening the door, handing him a glass of wine, putting food in front of him.

Hoseok hasn’t even so much as showered, he came straight from work.

You notice him looking at the half-decorated Christmas tree you’ve got in your lounge, the open box of ornaments next to it.

‘I like Christmas,’ you say. ‘I thought I’d cheer myself up by putting up a tree.’

You seem to be worried about his reaction, so Hoseok grasps your hand.

‘Just because I’m a grinch doesn’t mean you have to be,’ he says.

You smile. ‘My parents never had a tree and I always wanted one.’

The food and the wine are going a long way towards making Hoseok feel normal again after his day.

‘Are you going to see them for Christmas?’ he asks.

There’s a brief shadow across your face, so quick he isn’t sure if he saw it.

‘They’re doing relief work in South Sudan,’ you say. ‘They’re doctors too.’

You ask, ‘Are you away for Christmas?’

‘Yeah, my parents and sister are upstate. I’ll drive up to them.’

‘Are they grinches like you are?’ you ask, teasing.

Hoseok laughs. ‘I’m the only grinch in the family. My mother goes all out, and my sister loves Christmas too.’

‘Sounds amazing,’ you say, a hint of wistfulness in your tone.

Your top’s slipped down over your shoulder, and between the way your skin gleams and the way your lips are stained from the wine, you’re so pretty Hoseok’s distracted.

He reaches out, tugging you into his arms. 

‘Can I take a shower?’ he asks.

‘Sure,’ you say. The mischievous twinkle is back in your eyes now. ‘Want company?’

‘Always,’ Hoseok says.

***

For once, you’re up before him the next morning. 

He must have been more tired than he realised.

You’re fastening your bra in a feat of dexterity he’s always admired. 

‘Shame I missed the show,’ he says, his voice raspy in the darkness of your bedroom. 

‘Happens every morning,’ you say. ‘You’ve got an invite every time.’ 

Hoseok laughs, rolls over, sheet around his waist. 

‘What time is it?’ he asks, propping his arm behind his head, looking out the crack in the window as the snow falling outside. 

‘It’s 6am on Christmas eve,’ you tell him. 

‘Shit, I gotta pack for tonight,’ he says. 

You pull a sweater on over a tee, sit on the edge of the bed to put socks on. 

‘I probably won’t see you until after the holidays, huh?’ 

‘I’m back in a couple days,’ Hoseok says, hand on the small of your back where your sweater’s ridden up. 

‘Yeah. Merry Christmas, Hobi. Eat all the turkey for me.’ 

‘I don’t even like turkey,’ he says, honestly. 

You laugh, amused, and cup his cheek. ‘See you after Christmas, grinch. There’s coffee in the kitchen.’ 

Your goodbye kiss makes him want to pull you back into bed with him. 

***

Hoseok pulls up outside his parents’ house, rubs the back of his neck, trying to get the crick out. 

He can see the living room and kitchen lights are on, and he already knows that when he opens the front door and steps in he’ll be greeted with familiar smells. 

Cinnamon. Fresh bread. The chicken dish his eomma always makes the night before Christmas. 

He realises with a start that he never thought to ask you what you’d be doing for Christmas. 

He’d spent an hour finishing decorating your tree after you left your apartment, so that you’d have a fully-decked out tree when you came back from work today, and had only belatedly realised that perhaps you’d have had fun decorating the tree together. 

He’d put the earrings he got you under the tree, hung the gloriously tacky blue ornament he’d picked up for you at the Christmas market. 

He’d packed the red lace panties you’d tossed merrily in his face when you’d stripped for him the night before, in the shower. 

Shit, maybe that was a creep thing to do. 

Too late now. 

The front door opens, and his sister stands in the doorway. 

‘Come on, what’s taking you so long,’ she asks. 

‘Coming,’ Hoseok says. 

He grabs his bag out the trunk and goes inside. 

***

Hoseok wonders if he’s even in the right place. 

You’d once told him, offhand, that you often volunteer at the shelter close to your apartment on Christmas day, and when he’d gone to your apartment and you weren’t in, he’d driven here. 

It’s a women’s shelter, and he’s trying to make himself look as harmless as possible as he waits to be let in. 

A woman dressed in a light-up jumper opens the door, eyes him suspiciously. 

Hoseok has a sudden feeling that he’s made a terrible mistake. 

It’s too late now. 

‘I’m Hoseok, I’m a friend of Y/N’s. Is she here?’ he asks

To his relief, the woman’s face transforms into a smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

‘You’re the doctor friend she keeps telling us about! Come in, she’s here.’ 

The woman grasps him by the arm, pulls him in out of the snow. 

‘She’s helping in the kitchen, you can help too, if you want.’ 

‘Sure,’ Hoseok says. Her grip on his arm is strong, there’s no way he’s going to say no. 

He’s led to an industrial looking kitchen, dated but clean, greeted by the sounds of chatter and Christmas classics. 

There’s mess everywhere, like Santa exploded, but all that falls away when he sees you.

You look up, spot him, and the smile on your face makes him smile too. He probably looks like an idiot, here grinning at you, but he can’t find it in himself to care.

You get up, and then somehow you’re in his arms, the reindeer headband you have on poking him in the jaw but he’s still not bothered.

There’s heckling, teasing, whooping, but all he sees and hears is you.

‘What are you doing here?’ you ask, holding him so tightly he can barely breathe. 

He likes it.

‘I forgot to wish you Merry Christmas,’ he says.

‘Merry Christmas, humbug.’

Hoseok wants to argue that he’s not a humbug, not really, but you’re kissing him, so he shuts up and kisses you back instead. 

©hamsterclaw 2023