#unless u james

[managone16]

"Listen to the voice in your head" Regulus: If I listen to the voice in my head half the people I meet everyday will be fucking dead.

[thestalwartheart]

That typo post reminded me of a reader who would leave kudos on my fics but never once commented until they decided one day they'd had enough of me featuring Bond naked in my fics (like, me of all people, come on now) and finally left the only comment they've ever left on my work to this day saying, "girl u obviously want to fuck him yourself."

The death of etiquette on the internet is crazy.

[ask-itager]

who's taking whose last name when you get married?

But really it doesnt matter since we'll still be called "mister germany" and "mister italy" anyways

[verrescent]

"Regulus has the more gorgeous curls ever!" AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHY

becsuse.

for the longest time he just left his hair slicked back or combed over. (yes im pushing my choir boy reg agenda WHAT ABT IT) like he didnt even know he had curls till he was too lazy to comb it over one lazy morning and all of a sudden his head was a frizzy curled mess. (picture a horrible perm) he didnt even know until a slytherin first year who was jumping through hoops for his favor offered to teach him a bird repelling spell. after asking why, he was horrified and the first year apologized.

He tried potions and spells and chants and stones yet nothing seemed to help calm his hair... and he couldn't very well ask Sirius for help since his hair was much less coiled than Regulus's. After about a month of tireless effect (anger filled quidditch practices when he cursed every great wizard for keeping the one muggle custom of hating anything that isn't straight) he finally caved and called in reinforcements.

You know where I'm going with this, right?

HE CALLED LILY, JAMES AND REMUS!

Listening carefully, while James nodded without actually listening (occasionally saying things like 'mhm mhm yes sir you make a fine point.' to impress or bother lily enough that she'll like him ...she'll never admit it but she giggled a little internally) operation make 'regulus handsome again!' was forced in motion.

James tried a natural salve that his dad made that 'enhanced your roots and made your strands shine!' It sort of worked, except they found out that Regulus is allergic to unicorn horn dust and sapflowers.

Lily tried massaging oils that she'd seen her mom use occasionally (and Mrs Evans had the prettiest curls ever!) but it weighed down the strands too much since she applied enough for three people so regulus kind of just looked like Snape. (After regulus saw his reflection, he looked like he'd braved a fight with a dementor)

Remus, who'd been the last one to try anything, and who did the least for his curls (yet they still looking impeccable! fking lupin genes 😒) decided to lend Regulus some of his self made soaps and conditioners that never really worked for him. Regulus did, reluctantly, and found that the frizz was almost gone, and that it smelled very reminiscent of citrus and eucalyptus. In fact, they looked so good that not only did lily ask for the recipe and James berated Remus for never hooking him up with his idiotic talent for accidentally making things that work wonderfully, he was able to convince his mother to left him open his own gringotts vault (of which he planned to use to finally rid his surroundings of those horrid walls of horrid memories.) the end!!!!!! Idk when I wanted this to go but it went somewhere I think

[cowardlycowboys]

taking shots because i don't think I can buy more alcohol for the fourth is horrible !!!

[desire-mona]

granite by sleep token is incredibly hilson i fear

[graveyardxghoul]

carnival alt ending

[angevinyaoiz]

Richard/Philip may not be any kind of historical but more importantly to me personally it IS toxic yaoi vibes all the way through and I'm so amused the 20th century historian headcanons seemed to latch onto the drama and dumbassery of it all. The dramatic villain backstabby behavior and bizarre immaturity and ego posturing going on during the Messina episodes. The father and family baggage issues leaking all over the place. The weird back and forth power dynamics reflecting the uneasy Capetian-Angevin suzerain/vassal status over the years. The entire stringing-along-Alys affair. Richard getting pissed at being assigned the sub early on by Saladin's negotiators. Everyone involved just being uniquely horrible and cringe the whole time but in very consistently entertaining ways. And James Goldman looked at the whole mess and was like u know what what if I added to this pile my OWN fanfic delusion :)) and add we-met-before dubcon underage betrayal drama tied up intimately in the father issues and broader familial dynamics drama :)))) time to spread misinformation on the (nonexistent) internet :))) but it was evil and sexy and tbh hilarious with the knowledge of what happens later in the timeline so a win for culture I think.

[papertowness]

but if the media doesn’t have at least one character with the biggest most beautiful brown puppy eyes you’ve ever seen what’s the point

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Well hello hello. Yeah I'm here from time to time (you've even given me a lil nickname) and I hear you loud and clear. I believe I know which fic you're talking about but tbh I delete so many on a regular basis it's not even funny lmao. I think I once had like close to 15 works spanning a few different fandoms and they're all deleted and somewhere in the blackness of space now. I'll happily post it again if you want me to lol, tbh it was one of my favorites.

BITCH BOREDOM ANON BEING A03 USER CHERRYAPOLLO WAS NOT ON MY 2023 BINGO AND YET HERE WE FUCKING ARE.

UH, YEAH WE WANT IT BACK. Deleting ur fics is so dastardly and dirty, people liked those lol. Orphan it like an adult.

[comradejoanmir]

Thing is if norris had done that with Any US president it would be bad and quite fucked up. They have all participated in some of the worst crimes one could commit under various defenses. But trump is someone who even a huge majority of the US populace hates. This man is not worse than any other president but he never tried to hide it. How did you mess that up behind the veil of "irony" 😭

[padfootastic]

hard agree w both sides (but more so, the ‘icocnic’ 🤌) and also would like to add:

snape created the spell in the first place. he was the one who made a spell where u can levitate robed individuals in the air by one foot.presumably knowing it would flip their robes over their head/above them etc etc. he did that. it is literally his own creation biting him in the ass (or pants, as it were)

how did james and co come to know about it? can’t see them flipping through their own textbooks, let alone snape’s, so they must have heard it somewhere, i’m gonna assume. wonder where….

(also tangentially, not at all related ofc, how did remus know sectumsempra was snape’s signature spell when death eaters were masked and they didn’t know ab him in the first war? could it be…hm…he was throwing it around willy nilly amidst the hogwarts grounds? possibilities, possibilities…)

What is your opinion/view on sirius and james pantsing severus, as a marauders fan?

icocnic

[loveyouprongs]

are you awake?

prompt: "are you awake yet?" "no." "oh, okay sorry." remus lupin x reader

upcoming content: fluff! pls lmk if u think i missed anything. 1.8k words

authors note: despite any photos used in the header, it’s important that people of all races can identify with my work so please let me know if any of the descriptive language i use is exclusionary, i’m trying my best!

masterlist

you had no idea what time it was, your phone abandoned on the night stand atop remus' book. he had come over in a huff, one hand holding his cellphone, keys, and book all at once, the other holding a warm cup of hot chocolate he had picked up along the way.

"rem, is that you?" you called, fumbling with wrapping a towel around your just washed hair while keeping the other towel tucked under your arms. you weren't expecting to see him today at all, he had, in his own words, a fucking shitload of reading to catch up on and planned on spending the entire weekend holed up in his room.

you understood, having just finished your own finals, so you planned on spending the evening watching movies and finally removing the old nail polish that decorated your toes and repainting them. an easy, uneventful night.

“yeah, it’s me dove,” remus said, bending down to untie his laces, “sorry for just barging in on you like thi- did you just take a shower?”

he snapped his head up and drank you in, your body still damp from the hot water and the ends of the towel wrapped around your chest fell apart against your thigh revealing more of your smooth skin. your face was free of makeup or the tendrils of hair that constantly fell between your eyes that remus always brushed away.

“y’don’t have to do that every time, remus,” you said on your fourth date when his fingertips danced against your forehead once more that evening.

“you have to be able to see, darling, i don’t mind,” he replied as if this was something he was doing as a favor to you and not because he was so desperate to touch you in any way.

you looked beautiful, he thought.

“thank you, baby,” you let out, giggling at the sigh of your boyfriend still bent half over himself, looking up at you as if you would disappear if he wasn’t.

“did i say that out loud?”

“you did.”

“well, it’s true,” he had since walked over to you, setting his phone, keys, book and cup on the table and grasped at your shoulders, stamping a kiss to your forehead. in this moment, he felt all his tension wash away and reveled in the feeling of your warm skin under his and the vanilla scent of your shampoo wafting around him. he didn’t even remember why he was in such an annoyed mood earlier until you asked him how come he came over.

“ugh, i have to move out!” he exclaimed. this is something remus said maybe four times a week, seven if it was really bad. when james left his dishes piled up in the sink for too long, “i have to move out!” remus would say while ranting to you over breakfast the next day. when they went on a trip for a few days and sirius forgot to pack any underwear so he took it upon himself to borrow remus’, you woke up to a text from your boyfriend that simply read “i have to move out.” sent at 2:18 a.m. then “good morning” at 2:19 a.m. and “you better not be awake right now, dovey” at 2:20 a.m.

“what happened this time?”

“was trying to study ‘til those idiots had the bright idea of rolling bottles down the stairs, i mean who even thinks of that?”

you had to bite your lip to keep in your laughter. you had seen that trend all down your social media so you knew exactly where they got the idea from. but your sweet remus who had no profiles whatsoever, -unless you count the facebook page he made when james told him he had to have one at least-

“what do you mean it doesn’t count? you can share photos and talk to people.”

“it’s facebook! only mums use it. i’m making you a BeReal.”

“you’re making me be real?”

“oh, nevermind.”

had no idea and believed this was just another stupid activity his roommates shared brain cell came up with.

“i don’t know, remmy, people are weird,”

“right? anyway, i sat through listening to ‘clunk, clunk, clunk, smash! again, again, again!’ for about fifteen minutes before i had to get out of there so i thought to come here.”

a warmth started growing within your chest and spreading throughout your entire body. he thought to come here, to your place. your lanky, fluffy haired, nerdy boyfriend who you loved so so much thought to come to you. the smile that had spread across your face was so wide you knew remus knew exactly how you were feeling.

“don’t go all moony eyed on me now, sweetness,” he began, “i’m here because i still have a lot of work to do.”

“of course”

“with no distractions, at least for the next few hours,” he was looking down at you with a familiar look in his eye and you couldn’t even bother to feign cluelessness. the image of remus bent over a book, concentrated look on his face and glasses slowly slipping down his nose was irresistible to you and when you two studied together, it caused a lot of assignments to go untouched.

“alright, i’ll leave you be. but i expect some form of compensation for my good behavior.”

“hence the hot chocolate, for you dove,” he handed you the tall paper cup he had brought in with him and you smiled as it was still warm enough to drink.

“oh wow, my boyfriend and a hot chocolate? it’s like my birthday!” you laughed as remus rolled his eyes and started setting himself up at your kitchen table.

“you can’t say that whenever i get you something, you need to have higher expectations for your birthday silly girl, or i really will just get you a drink and that’ll be it.” he said and the last thing he heard was you laughing down the hallway.

hours had passed and your hair was dry, toe nails now a light peachy color, and one and a half movies had been watched. you mainly kept to your room, only coming out to get a drink and set some biscuits out for remus who hadn’t even looked up. you were sure a bomb could off in the building across the street and he wouldn’t notice. he was so concentrated that all you wanted to do was press your fingers to his temples and relieve his pretty face of the wrinkles, surely his eyes were sore as well, but you knew better than to bother him.

it wasn’t until it was dark out that remus had finally slumped against your bedroom door and trudged like a zombie to your bed, face planting right into your lap. his calves were hanging over the edge so you grabbed his face and shuffled yourselves closer to the headboard. remus was laughing, the feel of his lips tickling your stomach, and with that information he only began to blow raspberries on your belly button.

“remus stop i’m serious!” you let out and lifted his head up, your hands pushing his cheeks up causing his lips to reach up into a smile. he looked so soft, and happy, but obviously tired.

“‘m finished with all m’reading, dove,” his speech was slurred, surely from exhaustion.

“i’m very proud of you baby, you’re so hard working.”

he wrapped the comforter around both of you, and flipped onto his side, pressing his back to your front. he must have been really out of it because he never let you be the big spoon.

“but don’t you like being held?”

“i like holding you. besides it just makes more sense that way, i’m much taller.”

“there’s no sense to cuddling!”

“there’s sense to everything!”

“i am hard working! and they don’t care, all they care about is smashing things and making lots of noise. i have to move out.” he grumbled.

you ran your fingers through his hair, letting him mumble on, knowing he’ll soon fall asleep.

“well, you’re always welcome here, my love.”

he sighed and pressed a kiss to your wrist, “i know,” he spoke softly, the two words so full of content he could hardly stand it. he thought every day how lucky he was to have you in his life. a love full of soft kisses and hot chocolates and intertwining under moonlight. “i love you so much.”

“i love you too, now get some sleep.”

the night had come and gone, remus sleeping away in your arms and the sun was shining through your curtains. you slowly lifted your arm off him and felt around for your phone, careful not to disturb him. the screen flashed 10:15 a.m., meaning remus had been sleeping for close to twelve hours now.

it made sense due to how tired he was yesterday, but you had done nothing but relax, so your body was ready to get up and start the day. you answered a few messages telling marlene you’d had to get back to her about if you and remus could make it to brunch in a few hours and sending a rolling eyes emoji to james who sent you a number of videos of bottles rolling down the stairs.

remus shifted, unconsciously flexing his back, and you froze. it wasn’t until he began cracking his knuckles individually that you knew he was awake, you still asked though.

“are you awake yet.”

“no.”

“oh, okay, sorry.”

“mmm.”

two minutes passed, “are you awake now.”

“are my eyes open?”

“no, but you are speaking to me, and this isn’t what you usually say when you sleep talk.”

“i don’t sleep talk!” he let out, craning his neck to look at you perplexedly.

“got you to open your eyes, didn’t i?” you said with a wry smile. his look of confusion morphed into annoyance that you both knew was fake and he fully turned so you were both facing each other now.

“i haven’t slept that good in a long time,” he said lowly, his voice still rough from sleep.

“finals are over now, rem, you can sleep for as long as you want.”

he smiled and tangled your fingers together, opening his mouth to say something back when his stomach rumbled loudly.

“that wasn’t very sexy, was it?”

you giggled and shook your head, finally throwing the covers off yourself.

“nope, but that’s okay, marlene wants us to meet her for brunch in thirty minutes, so we better get a move on, sleepy head.”

remus groaned and reached for his designated dresser from the bed and pulled out whatever shirt and bottoms were on the top of the piles. the two of you got ready in comfortable silence and while you were sitting on the floor, pulling up the zipper on your boots, remus realized that he really could see himself moving in here. always doing his course work at your kitchen table, picking up a hot drink for you at the coffee shop two streets away, not because it was on his way to you, but because it was on his way home.

“ready, baby?” you asked, now standing at full height, holding your hand out to him.

i’m ready to wake up here every morning. “ready,” he said, wrapping his hand around yours.

[moonstruckme]

oh my god i was hoping u werent sick (no pun intended unless…) of all the doc rem requests!!!

can we get not just a regular doc rem but a casually dominant doc rem. like he’ll make sure ur drinking ur water, fixing ur posture by pulling your shoulders back gently, forcing u to put on a jacket if its just a tad 🤏🏻 bit cold outside

and ofc will scold u (lovingly) in the process. fem!reader is all like 🙄 but loves how much he cares about her

You're a genius for this lovely, thanks for requesting!

cw: alcohol

doctor!Remus x fem!reader ♡ 994 words

Your throat’s been bothering you since you woke up. It’s just a little scratchy, barely anything, but it feels like an ill omen. Still, you’re not going to bring your life to a halt on the slim chance the tickle in your throat is going to turn into something worse, and Remus would never hear the end of it if you skipped out on one of Sirius’ things anyway. 

You probably should have abstained from drinking, though. You’ve only had one, but now your throat hurts worse, the music and chatter are too grating, and your head feels a tad fuzzier than it ought to. Sirius and Remus have gone from bickering about music to teaming up against James to bicker about films without your noticing, and now Lily’s offering you another drink and you have to ask her to repeat herself before declining. There’s an inconvenient ache blooming behind your eyes. 

You know you’ve been sussed out when Remus wraps his hands around your hips, pulling you into his lap. 

“You’re quiet,” he murmurs. “Everything alright?” 

“Mhm.” You leave it at that, leaning a back against his chest. 

He hums. “Did you finish your water today?” 

“Yeah.” 

“What have you had to eat?” 

You roll your eyes. Remus knows, somehow. He gives your hip a warning squeeze. 

“Rem, I’m fine.” 

“What have you eaten?”

You tell him, as if he wasn’t there for breakfast and didn’t pack your lunch himself. He nods, reassured you’d finished it all. 

“You seem knackered for only having had one drink,” he observes. 

You shrug. “I’m just not up to more tonight.” 

It’s the wrong thing to say. 

Remus hums, his grip adjusting just slightly to hold you more securely against him. “Are you not feeling well?”

“I’m just a bit tired.” 

“Dove.” Your boyfriend has several tones you know well enough to pick up on a single word. This one is all too familiar. It’s mistrustful, admonishing, heavy with the weight of implied consequence. It says, I know you’re not being fully honest with me. 

James may not pick up on all that, but he recognizes the shift in Remus’ attention, one of your boyfriend’s lengthy hands splaying protectively over your stomach. He sends you an amused look, which you return with a touch of loving pique, and then Remus is turning you around in his lap. 

“Dove,” he says again, breath fanning over your face and eyes boring into yours and overall torturously close to you, “are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” 

You give up on denials, turning your eyes up to his pleadingly. “It’s really not bad,” you try.

Remus is unmoved. “Tell me, and I’ll say if it’s bad.” 

“I don’t want to make it a thing.” 

“You’re not. Go on.” 

You sigh, squirming under the attention you can feel at your back. Remus’ friends have continued talking, but you know his behavior has caught their attention. “My throat’s just a bit sore,” you admit, “and I guess the alcohol must’ve made it worse.” Remus sets a hand to your forehead, nodding for you to continue. “I feel a bit more affected than I usually would, so I decided to stop. That’s all.” 

“Well, you don’t have a fever.” You release a tiny exhale, and Remus’ lips twitch. “How long has your throat been bothering you, sweetheart?” 

You consider lying, but it’ll only make things worse. “Since this morning.” 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but your boyfriend’s stare beats that easily. “You ought to have told me,” he says in a low voice. 

“It’s just a sore throat.” You roll your eyes. Remus makes a soft tsking sound that lets you know he’ll remember it. 

“I have you talk to me about these things for a reason,” he says. “Do you know why that is?” 

You’d really rather not enable him, but you’re trapped. You let your expression convey your reluctance. “Why?” 

“Because I’d tell you,” he slips one hand beneath your top, thumb sweeping across your side in the way that softens you like butter, “not to drink when you’re coming down with something.” 

“I don’t know if I am,” you say weakly. 

“Hopefully not.” Remus smears a kiss across your forehead, reaching for his coat. “But if you are, we might still be able to avoid it if you let yourself rest. Y/N’s not feeling well,” he explains to Sirius when the other boy notices his preparations for departure. “I’m going to take her home.” 

“Aw, I didn’t know you were sick,” James covers for his sour friend, who’s still looking like he might protest. 

“I’m not,” you say, but Remus ushers you towards the door. 

Lily gives you a kind look, glancing knowingly towards your boyfriend. “Feel better, love.” 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he placates his friends, placing his jacket over your shoulders. He opens the door for you, and seems all too prepared for the argument on the tip of your tongue when you step outside. “Don’t take off the jacket. You should have brought your own, but now that you’re sick I don’t want to risk weakening your immune system.” 

“I’m not sick,” you insist, starting to shrug the jacket off despite his hands pinning it to you. “And it’s barely cold out here.” 

Remus levels you with a look. “Keep it on.” 

You huff but stop your attempts to remove the covering, trying not to notice how Remus has slowed his brisk pace to accommodate you. “Why did we have to leave?” you ask. “I’m not feeling that bad, really.” 

“I figured you wouldn't want me looking down your throat with a flashlight in front of everyone.” You purse your lips, and Remus grins, wrapping an arm around you. He rubs your shoulder through the material of his jacket. “I’m looking out for you in more ways than one, dove,” he teases, “you can trust in that.”

[cowardlycowboys]

parents empowered need to hire like I dunno young people because I swear they are just driving kids to want to drink

[inkdrinkerworld]

Touchy bestfriend james giving u the longest hugs 🫂 💗🙏

“James I need a hug,” is all he’s able to hear when you barge into his bedroom and collapse into his lap while he plays video games.

In a flash, his arms are around you and setting the controller on the desk.

“What happened angel?”

It’s not unusual for you to need a hug from James, but it is rare where you don’t wait for him to say yes first. Not that he’d ever say no to you.

“Long day, wanna cuddle.”

James doesn’t say much else, only standing with your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands on the bottoms of your thighs.

He notes quietly as he lays on his bed with you, that you’ve opted for your nightie - something not much done unless you’d started your period or had a truly rotten day.

It’s nothing skimpy or suggestive, but James likes you a lot in the oversized grey dress that cuts at your knees with pockets and long sleeves.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks, stroking your back as your breathing slows.

“Not right now Jamie.” You say quietly, yawning into the crook of his neck. “Can you squeeze me tighter?”

James obliges, corded arms wrapping around you tight as he feels comfortable doing. In no time he feels your body go lax and can hear the little snores and feel the puff of your breath against his neck.

He’s probably going to have to message Sirius and Remus to let them know game night is cancelled.

He finds he doesn’t mind it much; not when your hold on him tightens when he shifts position.