#unless somebody's bold enough

[titleknown]

...Thinking about it, since their storyline's kinda over, it's a real shame nobody made a fun fan villain song for the New Phyrexian Praetors in the vein of something like this:

[rememberwren]

I finally wrote for Gaz <3 Quick little blurb about BFF!Kyle / fem! reader. You ask Kyle to practice sucking dick. You know. On him. Ft. a rather subby Kyle Gaz Garrick. Part 2 here.

-

The first thing Kyle does after you ask to practice sucking his cock is—

—jerk off. I mean, he agrees. He showers, even though he had showered earlier that day. But in the shower, he jerks off because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll be spilling himself into your mouth straight away. It’s hardly the learning experience he wants to give you.  

Erection sated, what he doesn’t do is think about the why. He doesn’t think about the next person, the one you might be trying to learn these skills for. That way only leads to pain, and he’s not interested in the angst tonight, not when he’s got this opportunity in front of him packaged up neater than a gift at Christmas. 

You sit on your heels while he sits on the edge of the bed, naked. For cumming only ten minutes ago, he’s having no problem getting hard, not with the way you look at his cock: a little dumbfounded, a little curious, a little scared, a little excited. 

“It doesn’t bite. At least it didn’t the last time I checked,” he teases. He doesn’t admit that it was only ten minutes ago. “You can touch it if you want. Just stop whenever you want to stop, yeah?” 

Comforted, you reach out and stroke your fingertips along the velvety length of his cock. You trace around the foreskin, down the shaft, even brave enough to gently cradle his balls in your palm.

Kyle loves it—loves turning himself into a statue beneath your touch, loves existing only for your innocent exploration. He murmurs soft words of encouragement beneath his breath, watching as your confidence blossoms like a flower beneath rain. Until you feel bold enough to lean forward and place a chaste little kiss on the head. 

His cock jerks, a quiet moan pulled from his throat at the softness of your mouth. You pull back, laughing a little at the unexpected movement of his cock. You’re moving plenty yourself though: can’t seem to sit still, shifting from one side to the other. Anything to get a little pressure on your pussy. 

“Are you already wet?” Kyle asks. “Just from kissing my cock?”

You laugh again, embarrassed, and cover your face with your hands. Kyle reaches out to peel them away, eager to see your every minute expression. It’s important that he does, he tells himself, so that he can tell if you’re uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with enjoying the way your mouth drops open a little when you stare too long, the way your eyes get heavy-lidded when you breathe in the clean scent of him and his shower gel.

“First lesson,” he says, guiding your wrists back down to your sides. “Anyone ever asks you to suck their dick and you don’t want to, say no. If they insist, kick them right in the balls.” 

“I already knew that,” you huff, rolling your eyes at him. 

“Second lesson: don’t bite it off. That’s the end of the lessons, really. Take it from somebody with a dick, we’re just grateful it’s in your mouth. As long as we get it back in one piece, we can’t really complain about whatever you do to it.” 

Your laughter goes a long way to relaxing that last anxious part inside his chest, the one that is worried he has somehow pressured you into this (despite your insistence that this was what you wanted; that Kyle was the only man in your life you felt safe enough to explore with). When you put your hands on his thighs to brace yourself, kneeling up, he laces your fingers together with his own, smoothing the calloused pad of his thumb across your knuckle. 

“Go at your pace. You’re in charge unless you decide otherwise,” he says, watching as your mouth comes closer to his aching length. Your eyes flicker up to him, the picture you make of pure pornography as you kneel between his thighs like a sinner, holding onto his hands like a saint. 

You place open-mouthed kisses along his length, tasting him, working your way up and down his cock. It’s a test of his restraint to keep still and quiet and let you explore like this, when all he wants is your lips wrapped around him. A bead of precum wells at the slit of his cock and he watches your eyes find it, fingers wiggling free of his own so that you can reach out and drag the pad of one finger through the pearly seed. Your eyes find his, a hint of caution there, like you aren’t sure if you’re about to do something bad—but whatever you see in his face (likely something far too honest, far too open and worshipful)---settles your anxieties. You slip the finger into your mouth and suck it clean, nose wrinkling a little at the taste. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he says, breathless. “You don’t have to finish me at all, okay?” 

You roll your eyes again. “Gaz. Stop talking.” 

“Shut me up,” he challenges, holding out his hands as if to say, Be my guest. 

You take a deep breath, shoulders squaring. Your mouth opens and then the head of his cock rests against the warm wetness of your tongue. Whose eyes shut first? He couldn’t say. Your mouth closes around him, sucking softly on just the tip as your fingers come to wrap around the base, thumb stroke along the underside. Kyle mutters a curse, sucking in a breath and holding it until his lungs burn. Fuck, your mouth is like liquid heat, the little suckling motions of your tongue soft and sweet as you test out different intensities and pressures. You lean forward, taking more of him past your lips, and he lets out a long, low groan. 

He forces his eyes open, suddenly aware that he is missing it. You’re here, on your knees, sucking his cock like the best girl, and he’s missing it. You’re already watching him, a smile visible at the corners of your eyes. You take him into your mouth until his head nudges at the back of your throat where it turns soft. You gag a little, and he curses again, a sound which has you shifting against your heels. 

You set a hesitant rhythm, head bobbing. It takes you time to coordinate your hand and your mouth, but once you do, it tears a whine from his throat. You keep yourself comfortable, only taking him in to the back of your mouth, but he has no complaints, his belly tight with pleasure, breaths coming shallow and fast. 

“That’s it,” he breathes, reaching out to cup your jaw in his hand, thumb smoothing along the hollow of your cheek as you suck. “So good. Doing it just right, aren’t you?” 

You make a little needy sound, shifting on your heels again. 

“Wet, pretty girl?” he wonders. “You can’t sit still. Is this turning you on?” 

You nod, his cock in your mouth. 

“Show me,” he says, half-delirious with need. “Touch yourself and show me.” 

You remove the hand from the base of his cock and slip it down the front of your leggings. When you pull it free and hold it up to the light, your first two fingers are wet, a line of slick connecting them thin as spidersilk until it breaks while he watches. 

“Fuck,” he breathes. Part of him wants to leave you in pain, desperate for relief, to watch you squirm between his legs like you’re kneeling on hot coals. The other part of him wants to feel the vibration of your moans around his cock, and that is the part which wins. He’s always considered himself a generous guy. “Touch yourself—’s only fair. You’re making me feel so good.” 

You get clumsy once your hand is between your legs. Your other hand holds the base of his cock steady, but he can tell you lose focus on him, the slick sounds of your fingers rubbing against your clit just audible. Sometimes your mouth goes loose and lax around him, tongue aimless. Kyle groans, hips jerking a little deeper into the softness of your mouth, desperate for anything you give him. You’re the one on your knees, but you’re so far in control that it’s almost laughable. 

“Don’t stop,” he whispers, stroking where your lips are split open around him, using the pad of his thumb to feel his cock through the softness of your cheek. “Please don’t stop, pretty girl, just—please—” 

You blink, coming back to yourself a little, and the suction around his cock tightens to a point somewhere between bliss and pain. Though your efforts have been clumsy and the lesson has gone properly off the rails, he can feel his balls drawing up tight against his body, his cock throbbing against your tongue. 

“I’m close—pull off, baby,” he says. 

You stiffen, eyes going wide. He slips in too deep and you gag around him, a wet choke that shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does, your eyes slipping shut until your lashes rest on your cheeks, broken little whines filtering out around his cock as you cum on your fingers. 

It’s too much for him. He pulls out just in time, one hand cupped loosely around the head of his cock and the other stripping its length in short, quick strokes as he cums after you, teeth clenching, jaw tight around your name in his mouth. He fills his hand and some slips out between his fingers, dripping down onto your thighs below. 

“Holy shit,” he breathes. “Are you okay?” 

You nod, working your hand free from your leggings. You’re slick all over your palm. He wants to lick it clean. 

“I didn’t pay attention,” you blurt out. 

He stares. 

You continue: “Like, at all. I’m sorry, Kyle, I was so—I was distracted. But I think I’m better now. Can we…can we try again?” 

More cum drips from between his fingers. You squeal and stick your open hand beneath his to catch it before it can ruin your leggings more than they already are. After a lengthy silence, Kyle sighs. 

“Yeah, pretty girl, we can try again. Give me ten minutes.”

[francis-writes]

Hiii! can i request what feyd would do if he gets jealous/possessive of his wife/partner? i just have a feeling that he would go absolutely feral. thank you sm! after dune 2 ive been searching her feyd stories everywhere!

READER IS GENDER NEUTRAL

A/N: thanks! I had crush on him since i read the book but now fortunately there is much more about him. I am still obsessed with him but for next week I may publish less often because of university and personal stuff

First of all, you're absolutely right. Not that Feyd is self-conscious. He thinks about himself as a perfect partner, a main prize, so he isn't afraid that you would find someone better than him.

But it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't like the idea of you being out of his control or someone else seducing you. (He trusts you but there's never enough caution, world is full of dangers; also with his position it is possible that someone could try to take you away just to get a revenge on Feyd)

I already wrote a scenario where somebody flirted with his crush and lemme tell you, nothing changes when Feyd is in established relationship. If anything, he only gets more possesive.

Of course, there are many different possible scenarios. His reaction depends on whether there's actual reason to worry or he just has suspicions, whether somebody flirts with you or just gets to close to you, whether it's a stranger, an acquaintance, a family. Is it a noble, a common person etc. But lets just speak about some possibilities

If you were somewhere in public, perhaps on some official party, and Feyd notices that somebody is flirting with you, he quickly drops whatever he's doing and comes to you. Keeping his calm posture, he joins the conversation and makes sure to emphasize that you're HIS partner and you aren't looking for anybody else. Feyd keeps his arm around your waist, starts talking about how happy you are together (constatly repeating "MY love", "MY spouse", "OUR family" etc). He's not that much into PDA and being soft publicly but he kissess you as hungrily and as long as possible. People on the party feel a bit awkward but the point is made.

If potential rival is going to far with their advances and acts too bold, or if it's a less public situation (for example a common afternoon in Harkonnen's residency) then it's very likely that Feyd would use violence, perhaps treating that person like he treated Rabban in the movie (throwing him on the floor and forcing to lick Feyd's boots), no matter the status of that person (unless it would be Emperor himself... I think). Maybe instead of boot-licking (or in addition to it), he would force them to admit that you're Feyd's and they had no right to mess with his possesions (even if your relationship is pretty healthy, Feyd still treats you as his possesion and he's very territorial)

Or maybe if somebody flirts with you more subtly, there's a possibility that Feyd will fuck you in a near room so everybody knows what happen because 1. He knows how to make you scream 2. It's pretty obvious from your disheveled look later. And this can happen no matter whether the flirt happened on a party (and all the nobles have to wittness this little show) or on a common day (and the only recipient of this show is his rival and maybe some poor servants).

When there's no direct threat to your relationship, he still acts pretty possesive. Feyd likes to know where and how do you spend your day (though he really likes if you spend your time with him and if you're interested, he engages you into his duties and takes to fight trainings). He wants you to inform him about your plans and he may or may not make sure that servants observe you. It isn't spying. It's just curiosity and making sure that you're safe.

Also. If Feyd was going to fight with somebody and that person acted the same way as he did with Paul and Chani ("Who is the little one, a pet perhaps? Will she deserve my special attentions?"), Feyd would be fucking livid (kinda hypocritical but that's what we love him for). That person wouldn’t survive to see the next day. And if he left them alive, it would be only to torture them and teach them how messing with his close ones ends.

[yuurivoice]

this is mainly a joke but i like how you once said “guzma’s back!!!!!” dropped one audio and then kicked him back into the walls only to reappear 8 months later 😭

now he’s just somebody that we used to know /j

Picked a hell of a time to joke about this when I have people bold enough to hop into my dms demanding more Guzma without I hi, hello, how ya doing. 😂

If you took "he's back" as me announcing that I was going to roll out a whole series of audios for a character from a game approaching a decade old, then...mmm. mm. Yep.

Sorry I don't have a lot of inspiration for a character I've done nearly 100 audios for. He has been thoroughly fucked. I have nothing left for him. And ironically I have developed such a disdain for mfs asking me about him I have actively thrown away ideas because I would rather people think I was actually done for good rather than the truth...that like literally any fan of a character, sometimes the itch returns.

Only, casual enjoyers of a character don't have random people poking them with sticks about making smut with him. 😂

At this point we've entered "go fuck yourself" territory, and it's a shame because I might have had a Halloween idea, but obnoxious people have underestimated how petty I can be.

Anywho, good joke. Sorry it was relevant to a current annoyance. Normal people who aren't demanding or weird about it, this isn't for you. Don't worry.

Guzma always comes around every blue moon. But also, I just don't have a lot of incentive to revisit him unless it's truly for my own amusement. Which is more than I can say for literally every other fandom character I've voiced at this point. 🥲

[rockstvrdotcom]

✪ // SCARAMOUCHE NSFW HCS

tw/cw: begging, slutification, dom/sub, name calling, semi-public sex, bondage, scaramouche shocks u w his electro... (im going to hell), humiliation, gagging, a lil bit of childe watching you and scaramouche fuck

- unless he's really inlove with you, he only fucks you for his own pleasure. you're both colleagues; your supposed to be his secretary. but when he sees outlined curves when you wear those pencil skirts he loves, he can't help but bend you over his desk and take all his stress out on you.

- scaramouche is definitely a switch, not to his own will of course. but sometimes you'll 'overpower' him (only bc he lets u) and take control.

- although he still grunts and groans; he whimpers. if you're bold enough to push him past his limits and overstimulate him or deny him an orgasm— he's a mess. sobbing tears of pleasure and whimpering like a lost cat. next time you both fuck, he makes sure you won't be able to walk for the next week.

- calls you his bitch. and alot of other things.. like slut, whore, and cunt. nothing gives him more pleasure than seeing you feel humiliated.

- won't hesitate to continue fucking you even if he knows somebody is on the way to his office. still rams into you even when he knows theyre right outside his door. tells them to "get the fuck out and come back later." or asks them "would you like to watch?"— once, childe walked in and scaramouche told him to enjoy the show; and that he did. childe also found you quite attractive, and scaramouche didn't mind at all.

you cried out in pleasure as scaramouche's tip kissed the entrace of your cervix with each thrust. caught in a haze of delight, you almost didn't hear the approaching footsteps. you looked up at scaramouche in panic, tried to get up so you could fix yourself, but he gripped your thighs tightly— still fucking into you.

"let them watch, slut."

- if you're being too loud, he'll rip off your panties and shove them in your mouth; making you choke and gag on the dry fabric.

- puts a remote controlled vibrator inside of you every time you come to work; makes him so hard when your both sitting across eachother in a meeting and he turns the vibrations up— your face suddenly turning a deep shade of pink, your mouth struggling to stay closed.

- there are rare moments where he'll be actually having romantic sex with you, not just fucking you for a quickie. he isn't the romantic type, but after you've guys worked together for along time, he found himself fond of you. he'll be calling you baby, sweetheart, darling, etc.

- shocks you with his electro. yeah i said it guys. if he thinks your being bratty during sex— its his job to tame you. he'll harshly pinch your nipples or clit then send a wave of electricity throughout your body, it feels so good but hurts so bad at the same time. you love it.

- leaves bite marks on your neck and then drags you outside of the office so everyone can see.

- sometimes when you guys fuck, he'll leave the door slightly open and he forces you to be quiet, teasing you about getting caught.

- makes you suck his dick under the desk while talking to a fellow fatui member. you try your best to make him feel as good as possible and get a reaction out of him to humiliate him infront of his colleagues, but it never works.

- obsessed with cumming on your face and thighs. we dont know why, he just is.

- goes craycray when he sees childe hit on you. drags you into his office and fucks you on the floor.

- likes to spank you on the ass.. something about your cheeks being a pretty shade of light pink makes him go feral.

- if you guys are on missions together— such as your both staying in liyue for an assignment; he will fuck you anywhere (well almost anywhere). in the alleyways where nobody ever goes but theres still a chance of getting caught, in hotels, by the lakes, literally anywhere.

- makes you just sit on his cock while he fills out papers and stuff. you love cockwarming him and he knows it.

- obsessed with you riding his thigh. knowing that he can make you cum without putting a single finger on you is almost enough to make him cum in his pants.

hope you enjoyed this one! tips + feedback is appreciated!

[physalian]

Pretty sure I’m a baby aro, running out of excuses to deny it anymore. Now I didn’t go through any internalized homophobia that you might have if you realize you’re gay or a lesbian, I knew if I came out to my parents they’d be fine (I just don’t want the attention and the questions). Aceness came easy to me, can’t think of any one epiphany moment or if it happened, it wasn’t a monumental one. Just, oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Aromaticism(?), though, that one’s harder to accept. I know I’m not the only one going/gone through this. It’s just a very lonely state of being, in a society where there are very thick bold lines between what you’re allowed to do with friends before it gets “weird” and messy (and why I fight so hard to write and love characters who ignore those lines but still stay just friends).

I haven’t been anyone’s priority one probably since I stopped being an only child when I was five. I don’t want romance, necessarily, but the only way you get to be the most important person in someone’s life is if you’re their lover.

I don’t need all the accoutrements of romance. But to have somebody who actually wants to do stuff together instead of making up excuses would be nice. Somebody who’s as invested in however we define our relationship as I am. Someone who texts first as often as I do. Someone with whom I never have to think “they’re just putting up with me”. Somebody who notices the little things, as I do for them. They don’t even have to be physically around all the time (in fact I prefer them not to be, I need my space).

It probably doesn’t help that my short list of friends has people only there because officially ending it would be too much work. The kind of people who won’t talk to me at all for months unless I reach out first. (When you work from home and everybody your age that you attempt to make friends with are either immature, or into things you hate like drinking, drugs, and clubs, making friends as an adult sucks.)

I’ve been in relationships out of guilt and expectations, short and miserable, but my second-to-last one, with a love-bomber who wouldn’t take no for an answer all the way to the bedroom… I didn’t like them, but I liked the attention. Got the fuck out of there right quick once I realized all I wanted was attention and not *their* attention.

But being aroace, when you don’t have anyone else to give you attention, is not a fun place to be. I don’t generally sit around whining about loneliness, but it hits every now and then. I can daydream about romance with the best of them (and I think I can write it well enough), but the person I’m imagining never has a face, or much of a body, they’re just a blob. And then reality hits and it’s like “oh this is the cost of romance? This is exhausting. You’re exhausting. I’m sick of being the one who has her shit together out of the two of us. Goodbye.”

I guess when you grow up surrounded by stellar examples of failed marriages and relationships and whiny pre-teens (and grown-ass adults, let’s be real) losing their shit over so-and-so not liking their Insta pic, romance sounds tedious as fuck.

Like, I can't not picture any would-be lover as a deadbeat with horrible parents I'd have to tolerate and some complex they think I can romance away and some hobby I can't stand. It's all I see in the people around me, "ugh I hate them, but I can't not love them". All I see is people I care about getting with the same shitty type of person because they're also lonely, but unlike me, they crave romance and sex and put up with shit so they can have those things. I'd have to put up with sex and romance for attention, and I'm not doing that.

My imaginary blob person doesn’t have a face, but the “sexiest” trait I can think of is just. Competence. Which is depressingly hard to find in other people my age.

Get me a somebody who does the dishes without being asked and who has savings and a career, not just a job, and knows how to do their taxes and can set up the WiFi without throwing a tantrum and is actually working toward their dreams and aspirations and can have adult conversations and doesn’t play stupid mind games and maybe we’ll strike the “aro” out of aroace.

Until then, hello everybody I’m new. Where do I put my stuff?

[holocene-sims]

Bold the Facts

The rules are simple! Tag people and name a character you want to know more about! If you want to let the person you tagged decide who to showcase, then don’t name a character and they can pick somebody. Easy! The person who is tagged will then bold the remarks below which apply to their character &, if they want to, include a picture with their reply!

thank you so much to @stargazer-sims and @dandylion240 for tagging me!! ❤️😇

i feel like most people have already done it but i'll tag: ✨

@stargazer-sims and @dandylion240 (in case you're interested in doing more!!) + @seaslugsims @crazykissim @mangosimoothie @nectar-cellar @aheathen-conceivably @queeniecook @sparkiekong @jonquilyst @miss-may-i & anyone else who wants to do it!

now for the content! i did this for aoife & grant 💘

aoife ní shúilleabháin

[PERSONAL]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty (more like lower middle class NOW but for most of her life, she was poor)

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (👀👀👀) ... (this is a spoiler or else i'd elaborate)

[FAMILY]

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children

�� Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased (depends on which sibling - select one of the many to find out more lmao)

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable

[TRAITS + TENDENCIES]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic/ in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured /uncultured / in between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown

[BELIEFS]

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / spiritual

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

�� Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no

[SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious (she does not give a fuck about men unless they're both sweet but stay out of her way - so valid)

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious (listen, she may be generally neutral on it, but if she likes someone enough for it to happen, it's GOING to be good and not vanilla lmaooooo)

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (let's face it - she's a farm girl, she could absolutely beat you the fuck up you if she wanted to lol)

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic

☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes/ frequently / chain-smoker (used to be, at least...)

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict (anyone remember the scene where she confesses to having smoked weed multiple times? dfjdsklfds)

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

///

grant tuominen

[PERSONAL]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable (these are awkward categories because grant's autoimmune disease is VERY disabling, and he believes it to be, but he is also pretty physically fit at the same time because he works out and at least now finally is looking after his health better)

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other (once again...somewhere in between)

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (lots of previous illegal drug possession lmao)

[FAMILY]

◒ Children: had a child or children /has no children / wants children

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased (again, depends on which sibling! he was besties with elizabeth but she's dead, and he and kelly are like oil and water)

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable

[TRAITS + TENDENCIES]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ disorganized/ organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between (are we talking 20-year-old out-of-control grant or current chill grant? because...)

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between (but he IS learning to be more outspoken, so good for him!)

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic/ in between (listen!! at his core, he is an optimist!! and you do see that peek out in his behavior, especially towards other people and things. he's the first person to believe someone else's bad situation will work out in their favor. he just typically has no hope for himself...)

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured /uncultured / in between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful /unknown

[BELIEFS]

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / spiritual (he really goes back and forth a lot about religion tbh - sometimes he's just not sure we CAN know anything, but at other times, he feels like, "of course there's nothing out there!")

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care (he leans toward yes but he's not 100% sure)

✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care (i think on this, he leans towards a soft no, but very regretfully because this topic stresses him the hell out)

✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care (grant absolutely believes in aliens but one of his college majors was astronomy, so he'd be happy to tell you ALL about the drake equation and the likelihood of intelligent vs. non-intelligent life outside of earth)

✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no

[SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless (if he knows the person VERY well and they've been dating a long time, he is okay with it, but otherwise, it's a hard dislike from him)

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

[ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic (well, he used to be...)

☁ Smoking: tried it/ trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes/ frequently / chain-smoker

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict (once again, he used to be...)

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess (daily meds to provide the happy chemicals and stop his immune system from killing him! woohoo!)

☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

[bharv]

please go off about Wulbren Bongle! 1) why is he so hot? and also b) i want to learn more about why he's condemning the Gondians for what the Iron Hands were similarly condemned for, yeah?

i haven't played any other Baldur's Gates but from what i gathered in convos with him and other Iron Hands, it sounds like they were shunned for working for Sarevok (?) or do i not have the full story?

Ok so YES I do think he is, with the caveat of this is Deep Gnome standards, both attractive and charismatic and that is an important note!

I'll put this under a cut as it's getting long:

You're right, in the first BG game the Deep Gnomes side with Sarevok - a lot of the city were taken in, and they saw an opportunity. They dug deep into the earth under the city, and there are a few let's plays out there that talk about this! Then in the events of BG2, the Gondian's side with Gorion's Ward and gain their favour. There are a few small quests that indicate that Deep Gnomes are still seen as untrustworthy at this point because of their fall from grace. As of BG3, they are still banned from living and working in the city proper, and that's been the case for at least 120 years. With gnomish lifespans, this is probably within living memory.

Important to also note that a few years after the events of BG2, the Svirfneblin also suffer a devastating loss of their underground capital Blingdenstone, with all survivors fleeing to Silverymoon and Mythral Hall. Their archives and knowledge are lost, which is why the recovery of Runepowder is a HUGE deal.

Wulbren is smart enough to have rediscovered this formula. He's bold enough to have gone to the Ironhands (as a note, these are the Gnomes that are BUILT for war, they are dedicated to the Gnomish God of Combat.) He knows that this could completely change their standing, potentially bringing them trade deals and a negotiation to have more political standing on the surface again. There's not a lot of lore around what it's like for Deep Gnomes on the surface, outside that we know that all Underdark races are treated with some suspicion, but we do know that in most cities along the coast they don't have a substantial presence. If he succeeds, he can potentially change the fortunes of an entire generation.

I think he's mostly just angry at the world by the time we meet him. The Gondians, in his eyes, have made the same mistakes and not been shunned (I don't think he's right here, I think he's too far down the rabbit hole of needing somebody to blame) and by the time there is the reveal of how they were actually treated, he's too fixated on vengeance. He's too far gone.

(As a side note for Gondians, there is an existing Gnomish God of craft, so as an additional layer he may see Gnomish Gondians as traitors to their culture too. But that's more speculative.)

I think really, he's angry that he wasn't brought to Gortash as an equal to trade, and was instead kidnapped with his clan. I think he 100% thought Gortash would meet with him as a weapons dealer, and he's embarrassed and angry that he wasn't. He's quick on his feet though, destroying the writings to ensure that he is the asset.

He's smart, and ambitious, and definitely, definitely by the end, wrong. But he, like SO many of the characters in this game, is a victim of circumstances and crippling hubris. In the end, depending on your choices, he has nothing. An exile. And the Ironhand Gnomes and, indeed, all Deep Gnomes, are in exactly the same position as before.

I love Barcus, but I doubt he will be able to restore the Deep Gnomes to the city (unless Wyll is in the city and will vouch for him!) It's a lovely end to that arc, but I don't know that it's going to cause change for them.

[confuzzled-crow77]

Brian Kelly Headcanon Compilation

Hello, mostly dead fandom! Yes, tis I, someone who can't skateboard and who was decades yet to be born obsessing over a skateboard movie from 1989! This is a bunch of headcanons about Brian Kelly, the peak of gender envy from Gleaming the Cube; I'll probably either make another post of more because this dude does not get enough attention (J.D. can fck off-). If you get different vibes or disagree, please give reasoning because I love seeing that, and I really hope that I characterized him correctly because I love him so much. Gosh, okay, I'm done.

Hogwarts House: the one might be a bit of a given - Gryffindor! He continuously shows how brave (rushing into danger to save Tina), stubborn (ignoring a police officer’s dismissal and investigating more), adventurous (looking for dry pools to skate in; plus, breaking into a storage center has to be a result of adventurousness in some part), foolhardy (jumping out of a car, blowing up a propane tank, crashing through a glass wall), and trusting (knowing his friends will come) he is. He’s bold, he’s playful, and he doesn’t give a shit about any rules except justice. He’s reckless, he’s an upstart, and by God is he a Gryffindor. (Hufflepuff - yes, he’s loyal, but he’s not patient; Ravenclaw - yes, he notices things, but he’s not wise; Slytherin - yes, he’s resourceful, but he’s not ambitious) Note: this is not meant to insult anybody; these are generally very stereotypical traits, so if you are a Gryffindor or any of the other Houses and don’t act like Brian, that’s understandable. Also, if you have another opinion, please let me know! 

Swearing (Part-Canon): he never swears around his parents unless he’s extremely ticked off at them, which is usually in some kind of heated argument or when they’re scolding him. He mumbles curses under his breath when he’s losing at chess against Vinh, but other than that, doesn’t around him. He swears a lot more around his friends; not as much as some of them, and he’s not one to cuss somebody out derogatorily. Instead, he swears when he’s frustrated about not getting a trick right, or excited and whooping, or comforting a friend (“Forget those fuckers.”) 

Percy Jackson Cabin: for this one, I was torn between Ares (Cabin 5) - Brian rushes into a gun fight, knocks the villain’s gun out of his hand with a skateboard, refuses to give up his fight, and picks a fight with a police officer; plus, stereotypically, Gryffindors and Ares kids overlap a lot. But Hermes (Cabin 11) shows a lot of Brian as well, since he’s always going somewhere on his skateboard - Hermes is the god of travelers and roads - and he knew to evade the motion sensor and tricked the guards to go inside a trailer - Hermes is also the god of cunning. I’m going to say that Brian Kelly is a Child of Ares, since his brash and courageous nature dictates the story, and a Legacy of Hermes, since his traits from that god more moves it along. 

Doodler or Writer? I think that Brian is a visual person, and loves to doodle. His homework and notes in class are filled with more doodles than answers, and he likes to customize his clothes, skateboard, and shoes, either with pins or patches or dying/painting. 

How do they Hold up in Pillow Wars? Are you kidding me? He’s the instigator, and he’s the winner. The only time he loses against Vinh is when either accidentally crashes the chess table, scattering pieces everywhere and upsetting Vinh; Brian helps him clean it up and try to remember where the pieces all were (with minimal fake remembering by Brian), and he declares it a tie. Brian is the kind of person to steal two and try to use his weight to smother his mortal enemy with them, while Vinh would just panic and start whacking him in the face (ah, brothers). 

How he feels about people taller/shorter than him: alright, so I can’t exactly Google how tall Brian’s actor, Christian Slater, was in 1989, so let’s just say he hasn’t shrunk or grown in thirty-four years and is 5 '9. That’s average on the dot, but a good handful of his friends are taller than him (*looks at Tony Hawk*); that being said, he usually doesn’t mind it, since they’re there to skate. He does mind some, however, when people who are looking down on him are literally looking down on him (Officer Trac); when that’s the situation, he either subconsciously gets onto something like a wall or bench, leans back to show he’s unbothered, or gets in their face (all of these are nodded to). For people shorter than him, he’s not a jerk about it, unless they’re a close friend; then, only when they’re both comfortable, he’ll do the “searching around for who’s speaking” thing but stop when his friend rolls their eyes. 

Do they Like being in Pictures? It depends. Brian hates staged photos, like with family where his parents are fixing his posture he thinks is fine and messing around with his hair and making him sit closer to Vinh when they’re already knocking heads together. When he’s around his friends and one of them is going around with a video cam, he’ll put on his shades and pose; it just feels more natural to him, like he has something to smile about instead of forcing it onto his face. 

Not a headcanon; just a little personal tidbit. I associate the song, “18” by Anarbor with him because of an edit I saw that prompted me to watch the movie. With zero joking involved, I listened to the song at least forty times in two days because I was either eager to watch the movie when I got back from school, or obsessed the next day. I keep seeing it on J.D. (from Heathers) playlists, and I- it’s Brian Kelly’s song! (Just kidding, it can be both of their songs)

Spirit Animal: he gives me American Goshawk vibes. Supreme aerial agility, symbolism in courage, and they can be aggressive. Plus, with his frosted-tips hair, he has the feeling of a bird; I hope this makes sense. 

Love Language (Canon Headcanon): quality time. From skating with his friends, to playing chess with Vinh, to hanging in the man cave, to dropping by in the fair-thing to see Tina, to getting her Coke and talking (which didn’t go extremely well), quality time is his love language. He likes to kidnap- I mean, forcefully invite his friends all the time to go skating, and also secretly map his way into abandoned buildings that would make wicked skating rinks, taking his friends there a few days later. 

MBTI Type: ENTP-A

What Time of Day he is: mid-morning (9-12). He’s outgoing and carefree, and perhaps it’s my sickness of waking up at six in the morning, but he’s the blazing sun that's still rising on a day, but not in the early morning where you wish the sun would disappear so you didn’t have to get up. 

Does he cross his legs or ankles when they sit? He'd manspread for the most part, or stick his legs out far enough to trip people and then cross his ankles. (Or perhaps sit like a gremlin, with one leg up on the seat and hugged to his chest while doodling on his homework and absolutely, completely paying attention to his teacher)

Truth or Dare? Dare, all the way; especially, around his friends, since their idea of a dare is a fancy trick on a skateboard or eating something weird. 

[leclerced]

before i head to bed—i absolutely agree. i think with max heavily involved for the rbr!driver au, lestappen would fit and then for the ferrari driver!au it strictly just charles. also a name would work perfectly to tell the difference! I sorta like Bones as a name (chosen name) but name is up for discussion! but me thinks having such an unique name would help, also because Bones sounds so like deathly and like somebody you'd associate with goth/emo group but then this happy wild card driver is bouncing around talking anybody's ear off is HYSTERICAL to me.

Also LESTAPPEN RIVALRY YES PLEAAAASE.

(imma stick with Bones for the time being as the name): Like Bones genuinely is confused when Max is so upset and pissy that she got with charles because yeah they hate each other but bones is like ‘?? we’re not fucking?? why are you so pissed???’ But Bones being a little shit i would die for. Bones just happily lets him take a picture and send it to charles and is actually excited to see the outcome because hello, two of the most popular drivers are like fighting over her. she’s allowed a bit of an inflated ego with that. she’s so happy-go-lucky, sunshine, always sweet & caring (unless charles but even still) to the public so nobody in a million years would expect her to be a little shit and sorts fueling a fire like this. especially when charles texts her asking what the fuck are those hickies on her thighs and demanding answers from max because ‘thought you guys weren’t fucking?? what changed??’ and probably making it his mission to not only get back at max but make sure bones remembers who they fucked first

and hell, to really add fuel, she’d probably wear a skirt with knee highs that are just a bit too big on her so she’s gotta have garter belts on to keep them up but part of the hickies are showing and she’s just “lalala” and maybe some people are bold enough to ask but she shrugs it off like “nothing! don’t worry bout silly clumsy me!” but she knows max and charles knows exactly what they are.

this fire is rapidly spreading between the two and bones just somehow in the middle but also on the sidelines roasting marshmallows straight vibing because they’re secretly a little shit who likes chaos and like maybe i’ve already thought of bones history which involves a really shitty ex and this is the first time they’ve felt wanted by anybody, let alone two guys like max and charles soooo.

if you’ll allow, i can ramble bout bones history tomorrow >:) also when i get around to forcing myself to update my blog (the thought tires me out LMAO) and really flesh this out, would you be down to be tagged in the post since we’ve been rambling nonstop bout it? 👀👀-🐈‍⬛

omg hi sorry i didnt answer this last night i finished baking at 11 pm n passed out 🥺

im not a big fan of the nickname bones bc i have watched the show bones a million times and it makes me think of decaying bodies so .. tbh its a turn off.

u can tell me ur idea ab her histroy but i have an idea ab it too but its opposite kinda ! i kinda want her to be someone who never committed to anyone, she fully committed to racing and never dated because media already spoke so much about her love life. idk what other countries are like but i can totally imagine her being american and it’s prom season so all her friends back home are getting asked to the dance, going dress shopping, and she’s on the other side of the world in a racing championship. interviewers keep asking her if she’s sad about missing out on prom and all crossing the stage for her high school graduation, and she’s just like “well considering i’m currently first in a fight for the f3 championship, i’d certainly rather be here fighting for this trophy than a prom queen sash.” very independent and always shoots down questions about her love life and is like “i don’t hear you asking anyone else that, why are you asking me?” or completely ignoring them until someone’s like “hey they asked you a question.” she just shrugs and says, “i’ve already said i’m not going to answer questions about my personal life. ask me about the race, or the car.”

maybe was fwb with a driver from another team in the past or even a past teammate so it’s kind of a comfortable dynamic to fall into with charles and max. she loves the chaos. she def loved pitting them against each other before the whole hickey fiasco, but when she fucks max and he leaves those hickeys on her thighs, it only gets worse. i can imagine if they’re in the same hotel charles could come banging on max’s door.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Penelope: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.4k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I am so sorry I haven’t posted. I was sick with the flu and completely forgot about it. I will be posted both episodes now!

I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

You're not sure what time it is when you wake up, but you feel this overwhelming urge that something bad is going to happen. Sweat forms in small droplets on your brow, and you shoot awake with a loud gasp. Since Derek is right next to you, he wakes up after hearing your gasp. He becomes even more awake when he sees the fear in your eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks and turns on a small lamp.

"He's here, Derek. The unsub is here."

"What?"

Just then, you hear a gunshot come from outside, and that's enough to wake Penelope.

"Penelope!" you call out and scrabble to your feet.

"What's going on?" she asks and comes into the living room.

"Come here. Come with me. Get in the corner. Garcia, you listen to me. Take this gun," Derek says, handing over a spare gun he took with him.

"I don't believe in guns," she shakes her head.

"Okay, trust me, they are very real. Take it. You keep your finger off that trigger. If somebody walks through that door, you grab ahold of it and you squeeze. Fire, you hear me?"

"Penelope, stay right there."

You and Derek produce your own guns and head out into the hall slowly because you feel the unsub in the building right now. He must want to finish the job if he got news of Penelope surviving her accident.

"Derek!"

"Stay there!" he orders.

You peek your head around the corner and see a flash of the unsub, and you raise your gun to shoot at him, but he fires quicker than you can. You duck out of the way before you're shot, and you look at Derek for direction. He gestures for you to stay inside the building while he goes outside in hopes of you trapping the unsub.

He quickly leaves down the stairwell, and you make your way cautiously down each level, keeping your eyes and ears open for him. The unsub's energy is fading quickly which can only mean he escaped. You walk out the front door and see Derek hunched over in the police's car. He pulls back, and you can see that the unsub shot the cop to death.

You need to get back to Penelope, so you and Derek head back up there while he is on the phone with officers to come help. You enter Penelope's apartment and don't see her in the corner where Derek placed her. You raise your gun and gently tiptoe through the apartment until you turn the corner and find her there with the gun raised up. She screams before she knows it's you, and you quickly try to calm her down.

"Penelope, it's us. It's Y/N and Derek!"

"Don't shoot, baby," Derek says to calm her down.

"Why is this happening to me?" she cries and hands over the gun.

"I don't know," he sighs and brings her into a hug.

Local officers and your team are quick to show up, and sooner rather than later, the rest of your team is in Penelope's apartment.

"What's going on?" JJ asks.

"I don't know. This guy's getting seriously bold, and I can guarantee it's not over."

"Are you okay?" she asks Penelope.

"I don't know what he wants from me," she whimpers.

"Could you know something about him? Maybe you have something he wants?" Spencer says.

"I don't know who he is. I'm so scared."

"I know you are," you say and grab her hand. "We're right here. He is not going to hurt you again. We will protect you like we did tonight. I won't let anything else happen to you."

"Hey, did you get a look at him?" Emily asks you and Derek.

"Nothing concrete."

"Garcia, we need to get you back to the hospital," Hotch says.

"No, I feel safe with all of you."

"We can take her to the BAU," you suggest.

"Wait a second," she says, suddenly remembering something, "when we were at dinner, they wanted to seat us by a window, but he insisted on sitting at the worst table in the place. He sat with his back to the corner."

"Detective. Can you clear the room for just a minute?" Hotch asks the local detective, Walker.

"I got a dead cop downstairs. I consider this part of the crime scene."

"I know. Just a couple of minutes."

"Do what you gotta do," he sighs.

Him and his officers leave the room so that only your team is inside her apartment.

"Tell us about the car. You said it was white, four-door, and American. What else?" Spencer asks.

"That's it. It was just a car."

"No, come on, think. Anything," Derek encourages.

"The seat belt was buckled behind his back. Why does that matter?"

"It wasn't a rental. It was for surveillance. It means he was an agent," you reveal. "Agents don't wear seat belts. They need to get out in a hurry."

Rossi grows very impatient and takes a seat on her coffee table right in front of her.

"Alright, let's cut the crap. You need to be straight with us. Right now. Look at me, not them," he says harshly.

"I'm not hiding anything!"

"You got shot. Most people get shot for a reason. Eyes here!"

"Rossi, ease up!" you say, but he ignores you.

"You got a roomful of people here willing to believe that an FBI agent has tried to kill you. We need to know everything you do on company time that we don't know about. What is it?"

"Come on, man," Derek tries but to no avail.

"It's nothing bad!"

"Spit it out!"

"It's ju--I counsel victims' families and they know where I work, so sometimes they ask me to look into cases for them," she sighs.

"What does that mean?"

"It just means that the cases, the unsolved ones, I tag so whoever's investigating them knows that the FBI considers them a priority."

"You're not authorized to do that," Hotch says.

"I know. I was just trying to help," she sighs.

"But whoever's working those cases thinks you're watching them," Emily says.

"I just wanted to put pressure on them so that they don't slide."

"How many cases are we talking about?"

"Seven or eight. I'm not sure. I need to get into my system."

"You can't. You're suspended."

"Wait a minute, Garcia. On your date, you said this guy was pressing you to find out if you were working murder cases. Hotch, we gotta look at those files," Derek says.

Hotch looks at Rossi for advice, and Rossi is all for it.

"I told you, I'm sick of this jagoff being in front of us."

"Dave's right. We'll go back to the BAU. Morgan, Reid, and Prentiss, you stay here and make sure no one forgets to log out of the system. Garcia should not have access."

"Understood."

You head back to the office with Hotch and Rossi where you can use Kevin to figure out what kind of files she was looking into. From what he found, there aren't any agents working on the cases, but the same deputy was a first responder in three cases. Jason Clark Battle, which is the same initials as James Colby Baylor. All three cases were drive-bys at close range, all shot with a revolver. He's been honored twice as a hero.

The reason he's stuck at deputy is because even to his superiors, something was off about him. It makes sense because from what you can see about this guy, he has showy clothes and uses subtle bragging wherever he goes. He presents himself as a prominent attorney when he's actually just a deputy sheriff. He's underappreciated in the world and over appreciated in his own mind.

Someone like him is classified as an angel of death. Most people are nurses who put patients out of their misery when they're clearly at their end, but the other kind of angel of death are people who put people at risk in order to save them. He shot those people just so he could save them, that is your professional guess.

When he couldn't save them, he'd make it look like a random murder so he wouldn't be thought of as a suspect. It's how he was able to be the first responder. It's also commonly known as the Hero Homicide Complex. It's mostly found in firemen who set fires in order to save the day. When Penelope flagged the cases, Jason thought she was onto him. She may not have known, but in his mind, she was the only person in the world who would have made the connection about it.

In his mind, he had to eliminate her.

If he isn't caught soon, when he finally is, he'll die shooting.

You're trying to come up with a plan of attack when you look to your left and see Detective Walker walk into the bullpen with Jason right behind him in his uniform. Your whole body is rigid because if he figures out you know who he is, he will start shooting. You're on the lower level, so you have to make your way to Hotch's office without alerting him.

You pick up some random files near you and clutch them to your chest as you walk by him as calmly as possible. He looks at you, but you don't acknowledge that he's there. He stares at you for a second before turning to detective Walker and Kevin who is seated at a nearby desk. You're not sure what he is doing for them, but you can feel the fear coming off of Kevin.

He knows who Jason is, and he's scared.

You walk up the stairs and knock on Hotch's office door until he answers. You hand over the stack of files even though he is confused as to why you have these.

"What's going on?"

"He's here," you whisper. "He's next to Detective Walker. That's Jason Battle. Don't make it obvious."

Hotch subtly looks behind you and at Jason who doesn't notice him. He clears his throat and walks with you over to Rossi's office before knocking on the door. Rossi answers as well, and you tell him exactly what you told Hotch.

Hotch's phone rings, and you can see that it's Derek calling him. If Penelope got into her system, that means she can hack into the cameras, which means she knows Jason is here in the bullpen. That must be why Derek is calling him.

"Listen, if I can get to those glass doors, I'll have a shot at him," you say to your bosses. "He doesn't suspect me. I can walk past him."

"No, it's too risky," Hotch shakes his head.

"We don't really have a choice here, Hotch. I can control my emotions long enough for me to get to the glass doors. I have to try or else he will start shooting and people will die."

"Alright," he sighs quietly.

You nod and turn around as if you're going back to what you were doing. You walk down the stairs with Hotch and Rossi following behind you very loosely. You get to the lower level and behind to head to the glass doors, right next to Jason. He looks at you again, but like before, you don't look at him.

You try to act as normal as possible, but he must have sensed Hotch and Rossi following closely behind you. He reaches into his picket and produces a gun, grabbing the first person that is closest to him... You. He wraps his arm around your chest and places the gun to your head, and your whole body goes rigid. You know Penelope is seeing this on the camera, so you hope someone has a plan to do something or else you're as good as dead.

As soon as he does this, every agent in the room has their guns pointed right at him.

"You're a cop. You know this isn't gonna end well," Rossi says. "You're standing in the middle of the FBI."

"You think I'm afraid of the FBI?" he asks and shoves the gun harder into your head.

You try to take deep breaths, but you're terrified. Two tears slip out of your eyes and roll down your cheeks, but other than that, you're emotionless.

"I know how this is gonna end, and so do you," Hotch says, seeing your tears.

"I'm a decorated officer!"

"That's right, and this is not how you want to be remembered. You're in control here. You write the ending. Your choice," Rossi tries to convince him.

"The best minds in the FBI, and you can't even stop me," he laughs.

He is about to pull the trigger when a shot is fired. Two more tears slip out of your eyes at the thought of him shooting you, but if you were really shot, you wouldn't feel the tears on your face. Jason's body goes stiff and he falls to the ground, releasing you. You look behind you to see JJ standing by the glass doors with a gun in her hand.

Hotch immediately rushes over to you to make sure you're okay, and Rossi rushes over to Jason to make sure he is down.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'll be f-fine," you stutter. "I'm okay. I'm sorry, I tried to act as normal as possible."

"It's not your fault," he assures you.

Derek, Emily, Spencer, and Penelope come rushing into the office once they knew everyone here was in trouble. Spencer automatically heads to your side, and you accept his warm hug.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm better now," you say and relax into his arms. "I'm okay."

"Is it really over?" Penelope asks.

"Yeah. It's really over. Now can we please get you back to the hospital?" Derek asks.

Penelope is worried about her job, but the agent who took over the case is glad that everyone is okay. You know Penelope will get her job back.

"Oh, don't worry about your reinstatement papers. He'll sign them as soon as his hand stops shaking," Emily chuckles.

"Hey. I never wanted you to have to do something like that," Penelope says to JJ.

"I never even blinked. You do whatever it takes to protect your family."

"Can we go home now? Please?" you ask Spencer, and he nods. "Hotch, can we go home?"

"Yeah, I'll call you if I need you."

You and Spencer say your goodbyes to the rest of the team before heading back to his apartment. He thinks you should get some rest, but all you want to do is start the painting. After assuring him you're okay and will be okay, he agrees to help.

To get some laughs and giggles into the air, you fling some paint onto Spencer's back and laugh when he slowly turns around with his mouth wide open.

"Oh, now you're going to get it."

You squeal and run away from him, but you already started this war. It's safe to say you're not getting any painting done this evening.

x

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[declinlalune]

No Mourners || Andy & Emilio

TIMING: shortly after this. LOCATION: emilio's apartment. PARTIES: @mortemoppetere & @declinlalune SUMMARY: andy goes home with emilio after taking care of the hunter. CONTENT WARNINGS: sibling death mentions, child death, suicidal ideation.

Andy didn’t really remember moving the body or burying it for that matter, but she could still feel the dirt and blood under her fingernails. She could still smell him, too. The sour stench of body odor and the way it mixed with the blood. When she closed her eyes she did not see the ranger’s lifeless body, but the way Kaden looked at her instead. His disappointment clouded anything else she remembered about him. His anger was present, too– bold and bright. Hard to ignore. She wasn’t quite sure she understood it. When he moved here, she thought she had made herself clear; Alex came first. Above all else, Alex was what mattered most. She saw something in the ranger’s gaze that Kaden clearly hadn’t. He was too blinded by the authority of those lessons she’d recoiled from. She wasn’t dumb enough to trust that the ranger would just leave. She did what she had to do, and if Kaden hated her for that, then so be it. She did not follow the same code as he did, that much had been true since she came into taking care of a seven year old werewolf. Before that, even. 

But did any of that matter? Andy couldn’t be sure that Kaden’s disappointment, or Alex’s once she found out what happened, would take precedence over the fact that she’d stopped somebody from coming back to kill them. Emilio was at her side through it all, even if she wasn’t sure he actually wanted to be. What he felt about her driving a knife into the man’s chest, she couldn’t be sure. After cleaning up the mess she had created, along with getting rid of some of the man’s personal items by lighting them on fire far from his cabin, they were quiet during the car ride back home. It wasn’t until they crossed the threshold of his apartment was there any noise. It was Perro, Emilio’s dog, happily staring up at them from his chew toy. Andy stood awkwardly by the door as she watched Emilio. She wasn’t sure what to say first. An apology was probably the best thing. “I’m sorry you had to do that for me. I didn’t…” She bit the inside of her cheek, checking to make sure that his windows were closed and the door was shut. “I didn’t know– I’d do that, I didn’t know until I was doing it, and I…” She cleared her throat and ran a shaky hand through her hair. It was matted only with a little bit of blood now, she had managed to wash out most of it. “I’m sorry you had to do that.” 

—

He’d killed a lot of people. It was something he knew was true, even if nearly everyone his hands had killed hadn’t had a heartbeat. His training would insist that that meant it didn’t count, that people weren’t people unless there was breath in their lungs, but Emilio wasn’t sure he believed that anymore, wasn’t sure he’d believed it for a long time now. He’d seen proof to the contrary, seen undead who were just trying to survive without hurting anyone, seen how it tore at some of them when they had to go against what they wanted to do in order to survive. They were people until they weren’t, until they couldn’t be, until he had to draw that line in the sand to do what he had to do in order to survive. So Emilio had killed a lot of people, more than he could ever hope to count.

But he hadn’t buried very many of them.

Most of the people Emilio killed turned to dust, collapsed in on themselves long before you could even think of digging a grave. He let them blow away with the wind, or kicked the dust up if he was still angry when it settled, or left it in a pile for something else to disperse. He didn’t have to think about how best to dispose of the bodies. Even his family, who’d died without turning to dust and taken part of him with them when they’d done it, weren’t laid to rest in graves Emilio dug for them. Rhett had buried Juliana and Flora, and he figured someone else had probably taken care of the rest even if he’d never gone back to check. So digging graves, for Emilio, was a new sensation. 

He didn’t think it was one he enjoyed very much. But the dirt under his fingernails felt better than the blood, and no one was going to find the body where they’d put it, so it was all right. It was fine. He kept repeating it in his head, over and over and over again. A hunter was dead. He’d helped cover it up. He was protecting the person who’d killed them. And it was fine. 

Andy, he thought, had done what she’d needed to, even if neither Emilio or Kaden would have been able to do the same. It was hard not to think about Lucio, about the way he’d found Emilio on the streets with the battle still raging, about the apologies that Emilio had answered with a blade that he’d let sink into his uncle’s gut. He wondered every day what might have happened if he’d killed Lucio sooner. If he’d known, somehow, that his uncle was a threat, wouldn’t he have done exactly what Andy had? Wouldn’t he have done what was necessary to protect his daughter if he’d been given a chance? Andy had seen her chance, and she’d taken it. Emilio felt sick with the thought of it, felt nauseous at the memory of that ranger laying still on the ground, but it was hard to think Andy had been wrong for it. Her sister was alive in a way his daughter never would be again. If Andy hadn’t done what she had in that cabin, that might not have remained true much longer. It was terrible and it was sickening and it was necessary. The worst things always were.

He didn’t realize she was speaking until she was halfway through a sentence, his mind checking in and out of the situation the way it sometimes did when things became too much. He was good on autopilot. He could do what he needed to do. But conversations were harder. He furrowed his brow, tuning in and trying to unravel the words in his mind. An apology. He shook his head. “Didn’t have to do anything,” he said. “Helped you because I wanted to.” That much was true. He knew that. No one could make Emilio do anything he didn’t want to do. That was part of the problem. He turned to look at Andy, shifting his weight. Perro stood from where he was lying, trotting over to the door to greet them. “What you did in that cabin…” He trailed off. “He would have killed her. We all saw it. He wasn’t going to lay down and give up.”

—

Andy clasped her hands together, thumbs pushing against one another as she tried to avoid glancing over the blood caked beneath her nails. His words meant something to her in that moment, because when it had come to Kaden, he’d offered her nothing but loud disapproval. Maybe it was more than that. It felt more than that. Like in severing the one remaining connection she had to her parents by going in for the kill, she had somehow severed it with Kaden, too. She hoped that wasn’t true, but it was too soon to tell. 

She stayed quiet a moment longer after listening to Emilio’s reassurance. She knew that, and it’d been in her head the moment she sunk the knife between his ribs. Andy clasped her hands fully together now, a nervous twitch beginning to ripple over her knuckles. She’d been so used to keeping it together and pretending it was all okay. It was only a matter of time before she snapped. In the years it took to get to where she was today, she’d never done anything like what had put the hunter beneath the dirt. Petty theft and lies trailed herself and Alex all the way to Wicked’s Rest, but never blood, not unless one considered their past lives. Andy knew she’d done the right thing, but she wasn’t sure anyone other than Emilio would think so. Would that matter? She didn’t need their approval, even if Kaden’s anger had hurt. 

“I know that. I’m not…” Andy felt the words heavy on the tip of her tongue, and could feel the bitterness roll over her. “I’m not sorry I did it. It was her or him, and it’s always going to be her.” There were more faces attached to her reasoning, but she didn’t feel the need to explain. Emilio would understand, as he already seemingly had. “I just– I…” She cleared her throat, shaking her head, eyes glazing over slightly as she stared at the spot Perro had moved from to greet his owner. She wondered if he smelled the blood. “Hoped that it wouldn’t come to this– to that, but I guess..” Andy shrugged, a bitter laugh building in her chest, “I guess I knew it would. I couldn’t–” She looked up at Emilio now, jaw working against the anger that filled her, “I couldn’t let it happen again, not to her, not to anyone else. It might have been us. It could have been you instead, or Kaden, and I couldn’t, Emilio. I couldn’t let it.” 

—

It was him or her, and it’s always going to be her. The words rang in Emilio’s head, bounced around between his ears like a physical thing. Didn’t he understand that, better than anything? Hadn’t he spent every year of his daughter’s too-short life choosing her over everyone, too? Over his mother, over his wife, over his siblings and his nephew. And he wondered, sometimes, what kind of man that made him. He wondered if it was a forgivable thing, to love someone so much that everyone and everything else fell by the wayside. If he’d been in Andy’s shoes and if Flora had been in Alex’s, he would have killed that ranger a thousand times over. He would have burned the goddamn world to the ground without a moment of hesitation. When did love become a bad thing, he wondered? When did it shift someone from the hero of a story to something else? Was it the moment that knife slipped between the ribs, or the moment it didn’t? 

Whatever it said about her, Andy wasn’t sorry for what she’d done. And whatever it said about him, Emilio didn’t blame her for that lack of remorse. It was the ranger, or it was Alex. And how could he possibly think she was wrong for choosing Alex? How could he possibly fault her for doing everything he wished he would have done before it was too late to do anything at all? Andy got her sister out, kept protecting her after the fact. Andy raised her sister with love, made her a priority. Andy did everything Emilio didn’t, and Andy did it right. It was a good thing. It had to be a good thing.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I know.” She was right, of course. That ranger would have killed Alex, but he wouldn’t have stopped there. If he hadn’t killed Kaden, Emilio, and Andy in that cabin, he would have found them and killed them afterwards. Emilio was confident of that, knew that it was the truth even if it was a difficult truth to swallow.

He sat, for a moment, the silence a suffocating thing. He tried not to think of the ranger underground, body stiff and already beginning to decay. He tried not to think of the cabin they’d scrubbed clean, of the blood under his fingernails that belonged to that stranger and his family all at once. He tried not to think of that living room in Mexico, of the way it shifted into the corners of his vision even now, both a room and a ghost, both all-too-tangible and impossible to hold. Andy was shaking, was explaining herself, and she didn’t have to. Not to Emilio. He looked away, focusing on the dirt beneath his nails and not the blood underneath it. “I had a daughter,” he said quietly, stumbling on the words just a little. “I had a kid. I get it. I know you’re not — she’s not yours. But it’s the same, I think. What you’d do for her, what I would have done for mine… It’s the same. You did what you had to do. You don’t have to make excuses. I would have done it, too.” He paused for a moment, feeling heavy. Voice even smaller than it had been before, he added, “I wish I had. I wish I’d done what you did. You saved her, Andy. That’s never going to be a bad thing. Not in my book.”

—

I know. 

There was a weight to those words and Andy wasn’t sure where it’d come from. Emilio spoke with conviction, something that she sorely needed. After watching Kaden turn his back on her in real time, she hadn’t realized just how much this sudden support had meant to her. Emilio had been there, too, after a while– only now beginning to grow a part of her and her history. He had inserted himself into her life in a way she hadn’t expected; he spoke with understanding, even from the moment she had explained herself to him. Then, it’d been to keep a careful distance, to ensure that he didn’t come after Alex. Now, he’d helped her end the thing that had. She had trusted him, and he’d proven himself worthy. Her own blood had disappeared through the door. Though, when it came down to it, did that mean much of anything? That same blood would have killed Alex for what she was had they known. 

Silence warped the space between them, and though there was a certain kind of rage she could not yet shake, there was a softness to it, too. It came in the form of Emilio’s voice cutting the distance from where she stood and he sat on the couch, sinking into the cushions of something as worn as he. 

Andy listened to him, her heart a dull thud to the rapid movement of her thoughts. Her mind swarmed. He understood in more ways than anyone could be expected to, even as a hunter. 

I had a daughter. 

And suddenly, their conversation unraveled; a secret history playing for the confession he made now. Had. Had. Had. Had. Andy felt sick. She sat on the sofa next to him, enough distance to not provide discomfort, but a closeness to prove she was there, living and breathing next to him. She thought of what he’d said then, how he wished he had done what she had. How it was a choice he wanted to have made. How many times had he imparted that knowledge unto her? How many times had she thought he was simply a hunter with too many ghosts? Though, this might have been the biggest one of all. She wondered what else there was, but didn’t dare ask. Who else. It stayed pinned beneath her tongue. 

Apologies died at the back of her throat. What was the point? He’d already lost her, and they all knew hunters were not allowed to mourn. But Andy was no hunter. She mourned and mourned– it colored her a dirty thing, and most of the time, she hated herself for it. But in that moment, she mourned Emilio’s daughter, though she had no face, no name– not yet, not to her. Andy fidgeted with the sleeve of her too-tight flannel, the one from the back of her jeep she kept for emergencies. This was trust, she realized. She was not beside Alex, speaking confessions of the day to the dusty motel room. Instead, she was in Emilio’s dingy apartment hearing of a life that’d gone past; one that he’d lost. She was angry for him. It showed in the tremble of her fingers, in the way she couldn’t focus on one single thing. 

“You saved her, too. Alex. By coming with me, you saved her.” Because though she had trusted Kaden to help her, it’d been Emilio who had stayed by her side. They had buried something together, and maybe not just the body. A secret that unearthed here in the dimly lit room, one they could both see just fine in. “I’m sorry, Emilio. About your daughter.” She could have choked on the words, wanted to, even. Didn’t want it to be a reality; wanted Emilio to have his daughter just as much as she wanted her sister to be alive, to be okay. “What was her name?” She wasn’t sure if it was okay to ask, but she wanted to know– whether it was to keep her in her thoughts, or to create a vision out of her, of this girl that Emilio would have gone to war for but had ultimately lost to the same one, or so Andy assumed. 

—

He couldn’t look at her when he said it, and part of him hated that. When had his daughter become a secret that he kept, he wondered? When had her name become a forbidden word, a thing he kept locked behind his teeth and under his tongue? It wasn’t supposed to be that way. He’d never wanted it that way. Once upon a time, Flora was the only song he’d known all the words to. He used to sing it in his sleep, used to plan his days around the notes. But now?

It was so hard to think of her without thinking of how things ended. That was the tragedy of loss, wasn’t it? All those happy memories were eclipsed by the final one. How close had Andy come to seeing years of time spent with her sister whittled down into one bullet fired in the woods? If she hadn’t done what she had in that cabin, would Alex have become a secret she didn’t remember how to tell, just as Flora was for Emilio? 

The thought felt nauseating, suffocating. It felt like a reminder, like a reassurance. Andy did what she had to do. Andy did what was right. Andy kept a kid from becoming a ghost, kept a name from becoming a beat of silence that hung at the end of every sentence. How could he think her wrong for that? She’d done what Emilio hadn’t, what he’d spend the rest of his life wishing he had. Inaction, he thought, was far worse than action sometimes. When he was still the kind of man who’d locked himself in confessional booths, it was never the things he’d done that he felt the need to apologize for. The things he didn’t do were what always haunted him. So how could anyone blame Andy for delivering herself one less ghost? That ranger’s death was little more than a preemptive exorcism. It’d save them all the poltergeist. 

You saved her, too. The words seemed to cut through the ever-present haunting in his own mind, the constant choir of ghosts that was both quiet and deafening at the same time. He turned them over in his mind, translated them from English to Spanish and back again. You saved her, too. Had he? All he’d offered was his presence, and wasn’t that an easy thing to give? It wasn’t tangible, wasn’t concrete. She could have done it without him, he knew. She would have done it without him, because Andy was so much stronger than Emilio could ever hope to be. She’d been doing what she had to do to keep her sister safe since she was fourteen years old. A kid taking care of a kid, and she’d still done a better job than most. Alex was hurt now, but the sting that came with it was only present because this had never happened before. The failure only felt so big because there had been so many successes before it. Andy had done everything she could, had given everything she was. Whether Emilio had helped her or not, she would have protected her sister in that cabin.

But maybe it still meant something that he had helped her. Maybe the fact that he’d helped dig that hole and burn those clothes meant that he could share in some of the success that followed. He hadn’t saved his daughter. Her name was a weight he didn’t think he’d ever be able to carry fully. But he’d been there for Andy when she’d saved her sister. And maybe he’d even helped a little. If nothing else, he’d help her with the weight of it. He’d take on a share of the guilt, the blame. If there was blood on her hands, he’d let her transfer some of it to his, too. She deserved that much.

“I’d do it again,” he told her. “I want you to know that.” It ended how it ended. The ranger was dead, his body was buried. It ended how it ended, but if he were put back at the start with the full knowledge of how things were going to happen… It was necessary. Emilio was sure of that. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t light, but it was necessary. And doing what was necessary was something he’d always been good at. 

He swallowed, letting her apology hang suspended in the air. The words meant both everything and nothing at the same time. They always did, he thought, in situations like this one. A thousand apologies couldn’t ease the sting of what had been lost, couldn’t fill the hole grief dug in the chest. Eventually, the word itself lost all meaning. Sorry became a string of letters and a pair of syllables that people said when they didn’t know what else to say.

But, coming from Andy… They meant more than they did coming from most. The words weren’t empty where they hung, weren’t hollow. Andy said I’m sorry, and Emilio knew she meant it in a way other people couldn’t. He’d lost something, and she’d almost lost something similar. There was a level of companionship there. A level of understanding.

So when she asked, he opened his mouth. He released the ghost from under his tongue, let it flutter into the air. “Flora,” he said quietly. “Her name was Flora.”

—

Andy liked to believe that silence was comfortable. That with silence there was no pain, that there was no sacrifice. But something had been sacrificed from within herself for the sake of her sister and the face of anyone that the ranger might have recognized. She thought of Leah and Nicole in that moment– of Leticia, too. She thought about the knife and the way it felt to push it deeper into the ranger’s chest. Kaden’s expression was a nail in the coffin, a reminder that to some, what she had done was inexcusable. Whether or not he was mourning for the ranger, or for what Andy could have been without that blood on her hands, she couldn’t be sure. She didn’t know if she wanted to find out, not right now at least. 

And all of this because Emilio told her he would have done it again, that he would have helped her pin the man to his shame, help her bury her own. It’d been so long since she’d been able to rely on anyone, and in all honesty, she wasn’t sure she’d ever been able to at all. Alex was different, she was younger– she needed taking care of. Andy did, too, but she didn’t know how to ask for it, and here Emilio was– all scowls and rage built into his bones that’d aged further than the lines on his face, and he was offering her a shoulder born out of violence. But what had happened after the fact had not been violent, it’d been tender. And she had him to thank for sticking around, of seeing her through that moment. 

She nodded, tongue pressed against the roof of her mouth. “I would, too.” Because she would. She’d kill that man a thousand times over if it meant Alex would be safe. If it haunted her for a thousand lifetimes, it didn’t matter– she didn’t care. What mattered was Alex’s safety, and she’d guaranteed it, at least by this act of violence and this particular ranger. There would be others, and she knew that, but none of which followed her for a namesake she’d shed the moment her parents died in those woods. Andy could easily hold onto the fear of the reality of what she’d done, but what would come of it? Disappointment in herself? Anger? Those things were already there; she was a breeding ground for contempt. But at least somebody had believed in her, and in that belief, he had revealed a part of himself that she didn’t think she’d ever get to see. 

There was a softness to the way he said her name that made Andy’s chest tighten. She listened intently, sounding the name out in her head– cherishing the thing that was taken away from her friend. “That’s a beautiful name.” Because it was. Because of course Emilio in all of his wayward bravery would have lost something careful and innocent. Though, Andy had to question whether or not she’d been allowed to live in that innocence. There were questions that Andy had, but she didn’t think now was the time to ask them. After all, there’d been blood spilt tonight and secrets that might as well have been another knife to the heart. 

But Andy wanted him to know that this story of his daughter who had no face to her, that it was important. That it meant something to her that he even dare speak it. Because wasn’t it better to withhold what hurt? So that it couldn’t be turned against you? Andy still had Alex, but Emilio had lost Flora. It made her angry, and she thought that if she’d known Emilio back then, even if she’d been a child, she would have tried to help him, too. Her hands still shook slightly as she leaned into the couch. She stared down at them, her knuckles cracked and bleeding. When she had hurt herself, she didn’t know. “Thank you for trusting me. With this, and with helping me.” It couldn’t have been easy, and it hadn’t been easy to trust him at first, but there was a sadness to him that she felt deeply; almost as if they were born from the same violence, a deep seated understanding of one another despite the reasons not being spoken. But they had now. She understood why Emilio had come with her, and why he had said the things he said, and she was grateful for him. 

The urge to lighten the mood pulled at her, to make the best out of this situation. There would be no mourning the man who’d hurt Alex, but they could mourn Flora together. Andy swallowed the apologies she wished to spill and looked towards his kitchen. “How about that whiskey?” They could both use a drink, she decided. They deserved one, especially Emilio. She would thank him one way or another; either by equal or above measure. She had to. He’d shown her a kindness that many others wouldn’t have; that her own cousin hadn’t. She needed to show him that she was grateful. 

—

Sometimes, it seemed as though grief and regret both lived between his ribs, fighting one another for dominance. There were days where the grief won, there were days when the regret did, there were days where he couldn’t tell the difference between the two. They merged together, sometimes, went from being enemies battling for the top spot in his chest to being a monster with two heads and one heartbeat. Guilt was an overpowering thing, a beast that couldn’t be defeated with holy water or iron or silver. It would consume you if you let it, and Emilio had given in to it years ago, had succumbed to it that very first day on the living room floor when all his senses could register was blood. 

But Andy hadn’t. 

Andy was standing here, blood on her hands and dirt under her fingernails, and she was saying I would, too. She was confessing not to a crime, but to something that wasn’t one. A man was dead, and she had killed him. A man was dead, and Emilio had helped her bury his body in the dirt. A man was dead, and neither one of them had it in them to regret it. That guilt that had consumed him after his daughter’s death, the guilt that strangled him as he shoved a blade into his uncle’s stomach, it wasn’t present here. There was a difference, he thought, between vengeance and prevention. It was easy to hate yourself for one; it was hard to feel guilty about the other.

There were people who would mourn this ranger, he knew. They might never know what happened to him — in fact, Emilio hoped they wouldn’t — but they’d mourn him all the same. They’d plant flowers on his birthday and leave voicemails on his phone until the number was one day disconnected. And maybe that should have meant something, but it didn’t. There were people who would mourn this ranger, but Emilio wasn’t one of them. Andy wasn’t, either. And why should she be? Killing that ranger hadn’t been a source of grief, but a prevention of it. Acts of protection, he thought, could never really be called acts of violence. Not even when they left you with blood on your trembling hands.

Not for the first time, he thought about how much he admired her. About how there was appreciation there — and a hint of jealousy, too. At fourteen, Andy had done what Emilio was unable to accomplish at thirty-two. She got her sister out before it was too late. And today, she’d saved Alex, rescued her from a fate Emilio had been unable to spare his daughter from. Flora was dead. It felt like a sentence that followed him around sometimes, like a noose that hung over his head ready to drop at any moment and strangle him with its cruelty. Flora was dead. Flora was dead. Flora was dead. 

But Alex wasn’t.

And that was allowed to mean something.

He swallowed, the lump in his throat making it feel like a herculean task. That’s a beautiful name, Andy said, and Emilio remembered standing beside the bed where Juliana lay all those years ago, holding that tiny shape in his arms and resting that name on her shoulders like a blanket, like the only thing he knew how to give her. He’d said the name so scarcely since her death. Part of him hated himself for it. She should be remembered. She should be mourned. But all Emilio could do with that name was choke on it, most days. Maybe Andy would do better with it, the same way she’d done better with protecting Alex. Maybe letting someone else carry it, even if only for a moment, would help him feel a little less heavy. 

“Thank you,” he said quietly. They were words he rarely spoke, partially because of the lessons Rhett had drilled into him from the moment he’d come into his life and partially because Emilio had just never been very good at using words that meant something. But, like that name, the phrase was something he knew he could trust Andy with. As she thanked him in return, he shook his head. It felt unearned, undeserved. It always did. “I meant it when I said I had your back,” he told her. “You’ve got me, Bennett. Might not be worth much, but I’m good in a fight. And you’ve got me.”

He let out a watery laugh as she brought up the suggestion of whiskey, because wasn’t that always his go-to? Nodding, he got to his feet. “Whiskey’s a good idea. Hope you like it cheap and from the bottle — that’s all I’ve got for you.” He still ached; he always would. But it was a little less overwhelming as he dragged himself into the kitchen, a little less debilitating as he pulled a bottle down from the shelf. Alex would be all right; Andy had made sure of that. And Andy would be all right, too. Emilio would be the one to ensure that, whatever it took.

[wrestlingisfake]

Sakura Genesis preview

Tetsuya Naito vs. Yota Tsuji - Tsuji won the New Japan Cup tournament to earn this match with Naito's IWGP world heavyweight title on the line. Win, lose, or draw, Naito is already slated to face Jon Moxley on April 12 in Chicago. That isn't scheduled to be a world title match...at least, not yet. If Naito retains against Tsuji tonight, Moxley will almost certainly confront Naito after the match, and Naito will most likely put the gold on the line for next week.

This is a tough spot for Tsuji. He returned from excursion last year with a red-hot start, immediately challenging SANADA for the world title, but losing that match hampered his momentum. I strongly feel he shouldn't be put back in a situation like that unless they're ready to let him win the big one. I also strongly feel that Naito-Moxley is going to involve the world title. So I don't think Tsuji can win here, and everybody is going to be looking past him, which is all wrong for a guy with so much potential to be a top star.

To make matters worse, Tsuji did a press event making bold proclamations about what he'll change once he's on top. The current world title was created in 2021 when Kota Ibsuhi unified the original IWGP heavyweight and IWGP intercontinental titles; Tsuji says he'll bring back the heavyweight belt and properly retire the IC belt. It's hard to imagine New Japan will actually do any of this, so it comes across like Tsuji is writing checks he knows he won't have to cash. It's one thing to call your shot and blow it. But this is a whole other level of hubris, and if Yota can't back it up it could be a humiliating setback for him.

Setting all that aside, there's also the issue of both the champion and challenger being members of Los Ingobernables de Japon. Naito has always welcomed the idea of competition within the faction, but EVIL and SANADA have demonstrated that such competition can tear LIJ asunder. If Tsuji is going to be a tippy-toppy guy--and New Japan needs a new one--then sooner or later he's going to need to run his own team, whether he breaks away from Naito or usurps LIJ out from under him. A Naito win here doesn't get us any closer to that inflection point--Tsuji will just do the fistbump like a good soldier and remain the #3 heavyweight in the group.

All in all, I really want Tsuji to shake things up with a title win. On the other hand, I live in Chicago, and I really want to see Moxley challenge for the IWGP world title in my backyard. So I'm pretty torn on what should happen here, and what will happen here. Which isn't a bad place to be in, if you're a fan. But if you're the booker, well...Gedo's got his work cut out for him. My gut says he'll have Naito retain.

EVIL vs. Shingo Takagi - Evil is defending the NEVER openweight title. Shingo is 2-2 against the champion, but it's been three years since he last defeated Evil in a singles match. It's only been three weeks since Evil beat Shingo one-on-one, during the New Japan Cup, so I'm not sure what we're doing here. But I guess somebody has to challenge Evil and do all the House of Torture spots.

The NEVER belt is kind of a hot potato, so I could see Evil dropping it to Shingo in his second defense. On the other hand, if enough House of Torture guys run in that will create a justification that Takagi is protected from doing a clean job, so it's okay to beat him. However, I think they tipped their hand a bit by announcing Evil's teammate Yoshinobu Kanemaru as the referee. It's one thing for the heel to stack the deck against the babyface, but this goes so far that Takagi almost has to defy the odds and win.

Jon Moxley & Shota Umino vs. Jack Perry & Ren Narita - Perry debuted with New Japan on January 14 by ambushing Umino. That led to a match on March 6, which Perry won with help from his new friends in the House of Torture. Shota spent the next month looking to settle things once and for all, and it looks like he'll get his chance with another singles match on April 12. In the meantime, though, he said he had something special planned for the House of Torture, and evidently it's his old mentor, Jon Moxley.

I liked the idea of Mox taking Shooter under his wing in 2019, and the idea that Umino became "The Roughneck" because of it. So I'm not so wild about the idea that Umino's big plan to settle the score with a bunch of hooligans is to bring in his daddy to fight his battles for him. Umino shouldn't be "the guy who can call Jon Moxley to beat your ass," he should be "the guy who learned how to beat ass from Jon Moxley." Granted, this is just a place-setter for the real blowoff next week. But Shota is overdue to prove he can fight--and win--his own battles against guys who play dirty.

I would probably have Mox pin Narita for the finish, unless they really want to get heat and have Perry get another cheap win over Umino.

SHO vs. YOH - This is Sho's first defense of the IWGP junior heavyweight championship. He won the title back in February, but Yoh stole the title belt during the New Japan Cup tour. Sho is outraged at the notion that you can demand a title shot by stealing the belt, even though that's literally what how he won the title from El Desperado in the first place.

It feels like ancient history now, but Sho and Yoh spent much of their careers as a tag team, going on excursion to CMLL as the Tempura Boyz, and returning as Roppongi 3K in 2017. R3K won the IWGP junior tag title five times, but in 2021 Sho turned on Yoh and joined the House of Torture. Both of them have gotten a lot weirder since then. I think Yoh kissed Sho on the mouth during a match one time? And I don't mean like Toni Storm kissing Mariah May--more like Rick Rude kissing a fan back in the day.

Anyway, it'd be funny if Yoh won the title by out-House of Torture-ing Sho, but I don't really think that's how they'd give him his first singles belt. I'll go with Sho to retain.

KENTA & Chase Owens vs. Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI - Owens and Kenta are the defending IWGP heavyweight tag team champions. Bishamon (Goto and Yoshi) are seeking their fourth reign with this title. During the New Japan Cup, Yoshi eliminated Kenta in the first round, and Goto eliminated Owens in the second round, which pretty clearly set up Bishamon as the next challengers. Nobody takes Owens seriously as a champion (even though he's held this title before) so I'm not sure what the point is of keeping the belts where they are. Bishamon should win and move on to stronger competition.

Clark Connors & Drilla Moloney vs. KUSHIDA & Kevin Knight vs. TJP & Francesco Akira - Connors and Moloney are defending the IWGP junior heavyweight tag title in a three-way match--whoever scores the first fall on any opponent will win the match and the title for his team. The champs have traded the title back and forth with Catch 2/2 (TJP and Akira) for months. Before that, though, it was the Intergalactic Jet Setters (Kushida and Knight) who traded the title back and forth with Catch 2/2. It was looking like we were headed for another Connors/Moloney vs. Catch 2/2 match until the Jet Setters suddenly revealed they were coming back, and stole Catch 2/2's thunder.

I don't think it makes much difference who wins here--we're bound to see the two losing teams get plenty of title shots down the line anyway. I guess I'll pick Connors and Moloney to retain.

SANADA & Yuya Uemura & DOUKI vs. Jeff Cobb & Great-O-Khan & Callum Newman - Sanada doesn't have a clear direction since being knocked out of the New Japan Cup; he's probably out of contention for the world title until at least the G1 Climax. Meanwhile the United Empire, represented here by Cobb's team, is similarly rudderless since Will Ospreay left. I'd like to see everybody in this match get on track, but I don't expect it to happen here. At best maybe Uemura can issue a challenge for Khan's KOPW belt, but that's not much to hope for.

David Finlay & Gedo vs. Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI - Finlay is returning to action after some illness or something forced him to withdraw from the New Japan Cup. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume he's pissed. It's a top heavyweight and an aging junior against a top junior and a middle-of-the pack junior. That math comes out looking good for Finlay. Gedo might lose the match for his team, but I'm thinking Bushi is far more likely to take the pin.

Zack Sabre & Kosei Fujita vs. El Desperado & Ryusuke Taguchi - Sabre looks to be challenging Matt Riddle for the television title on April 12. Everyone else in this match is just happy to be here, I suppose. Sabre should probably beat Taguchi.

Tomohiro Ishii & Toru Yano & Boltin Oleg vs. Ayato Yoshida & Takuro Niki & Chicharito Shoki - This is another one of those "frontier zone" matches where some New Japan guys wrestle some guys from smaller promotions. I've given up expecting it to matter who the outside guys are, or what company they represent. The New Japan side pretty much has to win.

[ciaossu-imagines]

From the soulmate prompts could you do 💬 (initials) with Bandō?

Of course I can, anon dear! Thanks so much for sending in a request and I hope you’ll enjoy the headcanons!

[INITIALS | 💬] Your soulmate’s initials are written somewhere on your body.

I really do picture Bandou’s soulmate’s initials being somewhere really prominent on his body, big and bold in an almost Cooper Black style font. I kind of picture them as either right above or right below his right collar bone, somewhere that’s pretty easy for them to be seen unless he doesn’t want them to be.

Okay, but while his romantic ass definitely does love the idea of having a soulmate, he’s really goddamn pissed that all the universe gave him to go on was a set of lousy initials because that really doesn’t help him too much. There are so incredibly many people in the world with those same initials that it’s hard for him to figure out who his soulmate is.

Bandou definitely gets excited every time he meets someone with those initials and though he eventually learns, as he gets older, that it’s definitely not appropriate to demand to see their own tattoo, no matter where it’s located on their body, he’s really going to go the extra mile to try to flirt with and get to know anyone with those initials, just in case.

He always thought that he’d know the second he met his soulmate, just instinctively know that they were his and he was theirs. But the solid fact of the matter is that it’s really not that simple and it’s a fact that does frustrate him so badly and gnaws at him. He works hard, chasing every lead, always believing that this time will be the right time, but he does go through a lot of times where he’ll get close enough to somebody for them to show him their own soulmate tattoo, only for him to find out their tattoo isn’t of his initials at all.

There was one time where he did end up getting into a relationship with someone where their tattoo was of his initials and his was of their initials and they really were happy, both thinking that they’d found their perfect person. But honestly, there was always something a little bit off, something that didn’t feel quite right in the relationship, and it was a short-lived relationship because the two of them weren’t actually soulmates and they also weren’t actually all that compatible simply as people, but were two people desperate to find their other halves.

When Bandou does finally find his soulmate, his initials on them will be pretty, in a loopy, scrawling, handwriting-esque font. And for the first time, it will feel completely right and that certainty that he’s always wanted, that feeling of finally finding the right person who is his will finally drop into place in his mind and in his heart and it’s probably the happiest moment of his life.

[asktheplethaura]

If Only , If Only - Unicorn Wars Fanfiction

((Chapter Twenty-Six))

~

((**Turns off the light and runs up the stairs as fast as humanly possibly to avoid being eaten alive by the demon that lurks in the shadows at night-time. I haven't seen him before, but I know he is there smh.**))

~~

Gordi was up quick, after gently setting his brother down on the ground so he could get between Sonrisas and the unicorn that had been between the both of them. The unicorn displayed signs of being agitated- it's ears twitching due to all the sudden shouting and movement going on in the darkness of the tall-grassed space. It was chaotic. Way too much, way too fast.

All of the other bears that were in the troupes came rushing out of the grass, holding their weapons- save for Coco and Pandi- seeing as one was holding the other. Unsurprisingly, the blonde bear with the lavender eyes still had his arrow readied and aimed from where he was being carried.

He stood in front of the unicorn, his brother curled up on the ground with his shirt still. He noticed that the troupes of the Lone Owl all relaxed right away- meaning they were probably expecting something or somebody else to be here. The other bears in Gordi's own group were all still on edge, though. 

"Don't shoot them- they mean no harm-!" Gordi shifted his hand, waving them in front of himself, to just continue to give the gesture of 'no' the the other bears. 

Sargento Caricias seemed to contemplate- even just for a second- and waved his arms to get the fellow soldiers to cease their advances. 

His amber eyes stared down on Gordi and he walked over with a bold stride, his stern expression demanding an explanation. No words even needed to be said between them two- Gordi started to explain right away.

"Sir, please don't shoot them. They weren't doing anything to us, they were just trying to rest and heal my brother..." The pink bear gestured his hands, all of the dark unicorns silhouettes shifting tensely in the darkness from where they rest their hooves.

Padre stood at the back of everyone, his eyes shielded by his glasses- accompanied by his typically neutral expression. The preaching bear seemed to not be willing to give a verdict, standing as far away from the unicorns as possible to maintain his distance. He didn't know what he would be willing to do if he got close enough to them to touch one. Everything within his faith was screaming at him. Demanding he do the deeds of the written text.

"Death, death to the unicorns!"

However, the command, in the back of his mind- was falling on deaf ears. He contemplated his actions, and the reaction to them. The safety, or logicality behind them. That wasn't what he was supposed to do, as a preacher of the faith. He was supposed to instill comfort of thy word, and follow thy command of the written word. 

Pulling his book out of his travelling satchel, though, Padre wiped his hand across the cover of the book that tore him apart from the inside out- and he looked down- further lost in thought. 

What was he willing to do from here? For some reason, holding this book began to feel more and more.. wrong. Almost as if he was holding a ticking time-bomb. For a second, Padre considered grabbing one of the many secured Grenades in his travelling bag, but just as he reached around- he stopped and sighed- clearing his mind of the lingering thoughts. He let his hand fall down to his side- before he looked away and just stood there in contemplation.

"We are at war with these unicorns, they have killed hundreds or thousands of our own, why should we spare them?" Caricias was raising his voice, the expression across his face was unreadable- it seem to be spiteful, despite the words being expelled from him giving every reason for him to be. 

Gordi's expression firmed, and he gestured to them. "We've killed their own too. So many of their own. They aren't attacking us, unless they have to...! I know you see that..!" One of the troupes of the rescued fellow group of soldiers put his bow and arrow away- before sighing. "I can't do it anymore...  no matter where we go, everything is messed up." The soldier brought brought his hands up to his face. "I don't care how it ends... just please make it be over..."  All of them were silent, before Blackie stepped forward. "I don't know what to think, but what I do know is that we have others who need medical help with supplies we do not have. We need to get going." 

Caricias scratched his head, seeming to get frustrated, before caving and looking to the side. 

"... We can't afford more casualties..."

((To Be Continued))

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S05E08 Their water's so delicious. and Series Five Winner.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Goodbye Series Five, you will be missed. Also, I think I may get a bit too verbose, so feel free to TLDNR.

Prize Task: The Most Awkward Item For Somebody Else To Take Home

I gotta say that there are some A+ submissions in this one. Bob goes for a pretty baseline political joke which I would describe as uninspired. Sally bringing in balloons creates a fun thing to do on the stage at the end of the episode and I do appreciate that. However, Nish and Mark are the tops here. A bathroom would be harder to get home than a bunch of curry.

Aisling: 2 Bob: 1 Mark: 5 Nish: 4 Sally: 3

VT 01: Get this coconut as far from here as possible. You may not touch the ground. You may not step on anything more than once. The coconut may not travel by car.

There's a list of restricted items you can send to Fiji.

This is interesting because "the ground" can mean different things in different contexts. One could imagine a game of "The Floor is Lava" where stepping on the carpet might not feel like it's in the spirit of things.

Alex breaks it down in studio by explaining that it is okay for him to step on the carpet, but when he leaves it he can't return. I think I get the heart of what he's going for, but it's a messy rule. Nish appears to shuffle his feet a bunch of times on the carpet, but Mark is the only one who gets disqualified.

There's another question in whether you measure the maximum distance the coconut ever got from the living room or just where it ended up at the end of the task. It really doesn't feel like Sally got her coconut to the post office in the allotted time (especially since it couldn't travel by car).

Furthermore, Alex said Aisling got it further than Bob but for some reason Bob got 4 points.

All this said, there are so many problems here that I think I have two choices: (1) Defer to the original scoring. (2) Completely discredit the task. Seeing as this task never seemed particularly controversial, I'll defer to the original scoring but switch Bob and Aisling.

Aisling: 4 (+1) Bob: 3 (-1) Mark: DQ Nish: 2 Sally: 5

VT 02: Create the best graph.

I'll fill his boat with piss.

What constitutes the best graph? The most important factors would probably be interesting subject matter, accuracy, and ease of comprehensibility.

Nish's graph is easy to understand -- spending time with him is fun at a 1:1 ratio . . . although who knows what units of fun are measured in. It's also clever because he uses himself as the y-axis and makes the thing vertically. It's not a particularly interesting subject, but it's fine.

The point Mark is trying to make is that individual politics is an incredibly small factor when held up against the vastness of eternity. I believe it's supposed to be a bar graph, but the scale is intentionally done poorly to help effectuate the point so I'm not sure. It's kind of ambiguous what the y-axis is measuring (there's a percentage symbol, but percentage of what?). Greg dismisses it because he immediately forgot the subject matter and I am in agreement that it wasn't an amazing effort.

Sally's graph compares how much sex she gets versus how much sex she wants over the course of time. It's easy to understand and I would be bold enough to say it's interesting subject matter. The only downside is that she builds it out of a variety of different objects, so it's not very pretty.

Aisling's graph is attempting to compare the number of women and men on Taskmaster by series. The data is pretty easy to visualize, even without a graph: 1/5, 1/5, 1/5, 2/5, 2/5. Lots of problems here. The lines shouldn't start at zero (unless we're including Edenborough as Series Zero), the show didn't begin with more women than men in the cast, and the lines should be flat for the first three series then adjust beginning with Series Four. This is an easy last place.

Bob does a bar graph of units of piss by county. I can't verify it's accuracy, so I'm giving it five.

Aisling: 1 (-2) Bob: 5 (+1) Mark: 2 (-1) Nish: 4 (-1) Sally: 3 (0)

Solo Task: Make the most fish puns.

I just thought you were bad at speaking.

I almost want to give Sally a point for the unfairness of it all. Alex did not make his puns in a minute, he made them over the course of days. No points for either of them.

Sally: 0 Alex: 0 (-5)

VT 04: Write and perform a song about this woman.

Do we strike you?

This is an obvious contender for the best task in the entire show. I think the opinions on this one are pretty well settled. The team of three writes a very funny and unhinged song, but Mark and Nish absolutely knock it out of the park. Greg was still splitting points here so the team of two somehow only get three for the best creative work anyone has produced on the show.

I really really want to give them five, but absent a disqualification four is the maximum.

Aisling, Bob & Sally: 1 (-1) Mark and Nish: 4 (+1)

Live Task: Throw the egg through the hoop and catch it as many times as possible. You may not touch the net or post.

This looks pretty straightforward.

Alex blowing the whistle and Nish immediately losing his egg is the funniest, most predictable thing ever. For some reason Aisling starts the task standing on the base of her hoop, so she definitely touched it. By the end, Bob is the only one who pulls off a successful throw and catch.

As unfair as it seems, logistically the other four contestants should probably be put into joint second. Aisling should be disqualified, but I read this one as disqualification stopping score accumulation rather than outright losing you the task.

Aisling: 4 (+4) Bob: 5 (0) Mark: 4 (+4) Nish: 4 (+4) Sally: 4 (0)

F I N A L

Aisling: 12 (+2) Bob: 15 (-1) Mark: 15 (+4) Nish: 18 (+4) Sally: 16 (-1)

Oh my god, I gave Nish a win.

S E R I E S F I N A L

Aisling: 119 (-7) Bob: 125 (-13) Mark: 129 (-1) Nish: 115 (+8) Sally: 124 (-6)

I triple checked my math because I in no way thought I'd have Mark beating Bob. I think it ultimately boiled down to evaluating what he did objectively whereas Greg enjoyed randomly docking him for laughs. Even so, I was pretty sure Bob was going to win so this is a stunner.

In the end, I gave Nish two more episode wins than he had in the real show. Aisling never ended up getting one (losing that tiebreaker with Mark hurts).

With that, I can say goodbye to Series Five. Series Six is next and it's worse, but I won't let that stop me. If I end up doing a regrade of Champion of Champions, it'd likely be after everything else. It's taken me six months to get through five seasons and they get longer from here, so it'll be interesting to see if I'm still plugging away at it by then.

Anyway, having gotten through five seasons, my version of Champion of Champions would have been Josh, Richard, Dave, Hugh, and Mark. I'd honestly say we're better off with the cast that we got.