#tm regrade

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S07E01 The mean bean.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Let's do it. It's time for everybody's favorite season. It's not my favorite season, but everyone who matters likes it. I think this season really works because the cast is so competitive and willing to fight with each other in studio. James and Rhod really seemed to get what is entertaining for the show, but the other three were great as well.

Prediction time? I'll guess that I will end up having Kerry still winning it. It always felt like she wanted the win more than she wanted to be an entertainer on the show. Jess is the only other contestant that seems to take the competition aspect of seriously in any sort of way.

But enough exposition.

Prize Task: The Thing That Most People Would Like to Touch

I think that's more likely than the sign having an existential crisis.

My immediate go-to is to bring in a cat and bringing in living things always seems to work well. Greg could pick it apart if he hates cats or brings up dog people, but I think it's solid.

James chooses MC Hammer because of the song "Can't Touch This." It's a decent joke, but they only have a cardboard cutout of him. Real MC Hammer gets five points instantly; cardboard cutouts compete for one.

Jess brings in a sign that says "do not touch." James immediately mentions the weakness in that it is clearly referring to not touching something other than the sign and so that other thing would be the thing you'd want to touch. Jess limbos under James in points.

Kerry brings a Newton's Cradle. I'll give it this -- when I first saw one, I was fascinated. Once the novelty wears off it kind of becomes, as Greg says, "disappointing to touch." Kerry slots in between Jess and James.

Phil brings in a delightful chariot toy that moves in the most interesting way. To this day I want to play with it. I assume everyone is like me and wants to play with it, so it's getting the five. Note: First instance of the haggling joke.

Rhod brings in a replica of Greg's childhood toy, "BT" and there's a lot of conversation about the absolutely insane things Greg did in his youth. It's clever and deserves second.

James: 3 (+1) Jess: 1 (0) Kerry: 2 (0) Phil: 5 (0) Rhod: 4 (0)

VT 01: Design and demonstrate the best "quick change outfit." Best and quickest "quick change outfit" wins.

Just no sense of urgency whatsoever.

Two aspects to the win condition here: (1) best, (2) quickest. I would say "quickest" is more important, seeing as that is the point of a "quick change outfit," but I could be convinced the other way if there was a change where I truly couldn't figure out how they did it.

Jess's change is great and it's only marred that you can see the neon green headband from her 80's workout clothes underneath her wedding veil. She goes with the classic "curtain up, curtain down, different outfit," albeit with a lot of ruffling in between. Also insane that Greg thought she was a ghost and not a bride. 4-second change.

Rhod's attempt is completely insane. Obviously he was doing a different task and that task was "humiliate Alex." He wasn't going for points here, but he still gets one.

James seems to connect a suit and a dress on each half of his body, steps offscreen, then turns around. It was fast, I'll give him that. His third outfit was just removing the suit. It's definitively worse than Jess's outfit so the speed is irrelevant in this instance.

Kerry's is good. It happens quickly and the outfits look completely different. I'm more impressed with Jess because I can see the strings that pull Kerry's velcro apart, but I think they're close enough that fastest wins. 3.6-second change.

Oh Phil. It's so unimpressive. He basically just changes out of his outfit off-camera and it takes him longer to do it than an average person would take. It's even more brutal now that Taskmaster showed the video of him changing.

James: 3 (+1) Jess: 4 (0) Kerry: 5 (0) Phil: 2 (+1) Rhod: 1 (-2)

VT 02: Build the highest tower. You have five minutes from when your first box is assembled and maximum time twenty minutes from now.

Goddamn stinger and stinging nettles and then the friggin holly bush and thorny branches. Where do you get off?

First location task! The Woodrow High House -- I like the aesthetic of this place a lot and wouldn't mind visiting it one day. I also never noticed that they folded the task into a box before.

This task is a joy because the five put together so much failure in their own ways. The only real judgments to make is whether their attempts constituted "a tower" and when their first boxes are assembled.

James tried to hang a box off a tree with rope made of tape. A tower probably needs to consist of a minimum of two boxes. Arguably he didn't complete the task.

Phil contests that he hasn't assembled a box until every side is closed. I'm not buying it and his argument doesn't help. He also did not complete the task. Phil also argues that Rhod's tower isn't free standing. If that's what was said in the task I'd give it to him, but it wasn't.

Jess confidently builds a tower only for it to fall over as soon as she turns around. Here's the thing: the task doesn't specify when the tower should be measured so it could be interpreted to the maximum height she ever achieves. She even says "I'm leaving it there." Jess's maximum looked a lot taller than Kerry's so I'm flipping them.

James: 0 (-1) Jess: 4 (+1) Kerry: 3 (-1) Phil: 0 (-2) Rhod: 5 (0)

VT 03: Work out the circumference of the caravan in baked beans. You have three minutes. Most accurate wins.

It is such a bad omen that Rhod is the smart one.

I'm with Alex here in that the only way to do it is to find the average length of a bean. There is honestly no way for me to actually evaluate who did best from the footage, so Alex's measurements need to be trusted.

James: 4 Jess: 3 Kerry: 5 Phil: 1 Rhod: 2

Live Task: Make the best fruit display hat. You may not touch or tamper with your hat. Only the fruit picker-uppers may touch the fruit. You may only hold the fruit picker-uppers by their handles. Best fruit display hat wins.

First off, we ask if there are any disqualifications. There is some inadvertent contact with the fruit, but nothing intentional and that's the heart of the task.

The next bit is that people start collaborating by making each other's hat. The task specifically says to make the best hat, not wear the best hat. Thus, the hat that they make should be what they're graded on.

And now my subjective opinion:

James makes his own hat and gets a watermelon, and what looks like an apple and a mango on it. It's bad.

Jess makes Kerry's hat and Kerry makes Jess's hat. I think the hat Jess makes looks better and has more fruit. Phil makes Rhod's hat and Rhod makes Phil's hat. I'm honestly impressed that Phil got that much fruit on it, including a pineapple. Rhod's is similar to what Jess and Kerry did, but has slightly less volume than the other two.

James: 1 (-1) Jess: 4 (+1) Kerry: 3 (-1) Phil: 5 (+1) Rhod: 2 (-3)

F I N A L

James: 11 (0) Jess: 16 (+2) Kerry: 18 (-2) Phi: 13 (0) Rhod: 14 (-5)

There are no crazy scoring changes. I did dock Rhod a lot, but that's mostly because I felt Phil deserved credit for making his hat. There is a prisoner's dilemma version of that game where you depend on the other person to build your hat but you don't want to make it too good. That's not what the task said though.

Kerry wins.

[danglovely]

I would consider doing a Game Changer regrade, but I agree with Sam Reich's subjective judgment calls so much, that it would basically be pointless.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S06E05 H.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

This is the "I'm Alex Horne and I support apartheid" episode.

Yup.

Prize Task: The Sturdiest Thing

They actually are disgusting, aren't they?

Greg defines "sturdy" as whether it would survive him falling on it from 15 feet. This is arbitrary, but it does raise an important question: sturdiest by expectations or in totality? I'm of the mind that totality governs here, otherwise it would be "the most surprisingly sturdy thing."

Tim's plastic dog actually seems kind of difficult to break. Eggs are famously easy to break, to the point where you have to actually be mindful to not break them. I think I could kill a donkey pretty easily. I don't want to . . . but I could. Alice does a plastic greenhouse, which is sturdy against some things. Unfortunately, I immediately thought of how easy it is to get through it with a knife and then began to think about how I could get through it with my bare hands.

Russell's brother's calves are crazy well defined. I'm not really sure how to categorize this one because they would probably be difficult to tear into, but he could tear them by exerting too much effort.

I think the way to go is Asim last (easy), then Alice, then Liza, then Russell, then Tim. It's not the easiest designation, but I'll find a way to sleep at night.

Alice: 2 (-2) Asim: 1 (0) Liza: 3 (-2) Russell: 4 (+1) Tim: 5 (+3)

VT 01: Without leaving the caravan, work out how long this piece of string is. Most accurate answer wins.

I might do it in lobsters.

No one really seemed to know the trick that your wingspan is about the same length as your height.

We're gonna knock Alice out of contention right away. Absolute shit workaround attempt. No interpretation of the task means that you can cut your own desired length of string and measure that. It clearly meant the length of string that existed at the time the task was read.

We get the mess of imperial and metric measurements. Asim says 500 ft. (152.4 m.). Russell says 31 m. (101.706 ft.). Liza cuts the string off from the spool, which I'm a little more willing to consider, because it's semi-reasonable that the task could be referring to the unwound string. However. she doesn't even say which piece of string she's guessing when she says "4 miles" (21120 ft., 6437.38 m.), so she's getting the same treatment as everybody else (not that it would matter). Alice's guess is 5'7".

Tim uses a lobster and I'm actually not sure how he did it, because it doesn't feel like he's taking into account that both sides of the lobster would be a foot. He does it though. He says a lobster is a .98 feet and he guesses 308 lobsters.

Alex does round up in lobsters and down in string for Tim. It doesn't affect the scoring though. This is a very long-winded way to say that they got it right.

Alice: 2 Asim: 4 Liza: 1 Russell: 3 Tim: 5

VT 02: Pull this tablecloth off the table. Most eggs left unbroken on the table wins. You have one attempt and may not tamper with the table, tablecloth, or eggs.

Heh. Eggs.

Aren't they tampering with the tablecloth by removing it?

Task doesn't say "fastest wins."

They all nail it and honestly, I'd love for them to show more tasks where they all nail it.

Alice: 5 Asim: 5 Liza: 5 Russell: 5 Tim: 5

Team Task: Find the link then do it exactly 100 times.

Have we ever had a clearer metaphor for the plight of women through the ages?

This is the only time we see the back of the lab (revealing it's just a bedroom). Nothing to be said that wasn't said during broadcast.

Alex says the team of three was at 8:07. Team Funk did it in 11:18. Greg doesn't split the points anymore, but I do.

Team Funk: 2 (-1) Team of Three: 3 (-2)

VT 04: Pull off the most elaborate trick shot.

Look at the crazy trick.

Oh, this one gets me salty. Liza deserved last so much because she used the crew and no one would believe that was an actual trick shot. Somehow, I'm putting Alice above her, because she was at least honest about what she was doing.

It's kind of more difficult to evaluate Russell's mess of challenges versus Tim & Asim's Goldberg machines. "Elaborate" means "carefully arranged" and I think Russell's feels a little more haphazard. Tim's machine is better than Asim's (and is named after a pun) so that's that.

Alice: 2 (+1) Asim: 4 (+2) Liza: 1 (-3) Russell: 3 (0) Tim: 5 (0)

Live Task: Throw as many eggs onto the shelves as possible. You must lie flat on your bed at all times. Most eggs on the shelves wins.

No condition about being broken or intact. There's actually not even a condition about whether they have to stay there (though tough grading if they don't). Asim also steals an egg from Liza, which I'm very okay with.

I'm also very much okay with how Alex scored this.

Alice: 1 Asim: 2 Liza: 5 Russell: 4 Tim: 4

F I N A L

Alice: 14 Asim: 19 Liza: 18 Russell: 21 Tim: 27

I arrive at the same conclusion as Alex and Greg, Tim deserves a win. I'm giving him his second, where they give him his first.

[danglovely]

As I won't be getting to a CoC 3 regrade for years probably, I'll just say that I thought the person who won it was very overscored. I would guess I'd have the person who came in second winning it.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S06E08 What kind of pictures?

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

It has been awhile! Not gonna lie, I'm a little burnt out on the Taskmaster regrades, but that doesn't mean I want to stop doing them. I have been watching Series 17 and I'm a little underwhelmed by it. I absolutely love Nick Mohammed, but haven't connected with the rest of the cast easily. Additionally, the location task setting isn't all that interesting and there hasn't really been super interesting task design. All that said, underwhelming Taskmaster is still Taskmaster. Plus, I'm here to talk Series 6 anyway.

Alex made a brass rubbing of Greg's face and there really isn't any more to say about it.

Prize Task: The Most Interesting Footwear

I'd love to hear you drop the C-bomb. Crikey?

Asim supposedly stole one boot and one trainer from Post Malone (who is currently Billboard #1 collaborating with Taylor Swift right now). Alice brings in a pair of Verrucas Socks which caused me to learn what the purpose of these actually are. While I did learn something, antiviral wart socks don't become anymore interesting with the knowledge.

Tim's big toe bobble hat is adorable. It also raises the question of when it is appropriate to wear it. Liza brings booties for dogs. I will say the idea of a dog walking in them is interesting, but the shoes themselves aren't interesting. Anything you force a pet to wear that they don't want to wear is going to be interesting to see. Russell got a signed cleat from Phillipe Coutinho, current Al-Duhali soccer player (and played for Liverpool at the time).

So, Tim is easy first and Alice is easy last for me. Liza will bring up fourth for also submitting something impersonalized. That leaves Russell and Asim . . . I lean Russell because (1) his is signed and (2) I'm not sure how much I believe Asim's story.

Alice: 1 (0) Asim: 3 (-2) Liza: 2 (-1) Russell: 4 (+2) Tim: 5 (+1)

VT 01: Put something genuinely surprising in this chocolate egg.

You've got to go, otherwise it's rude. I've got to go, otherwise it's rude.

No win condition dictated, so we default to "most genuinely surprising thing wins." There are two easy candidates for five points . . . Alice and Tim. Alice's is much funnier, but it is genuinely impressive that Tim managed to catch a fly and keep it alive in the egg. That impressiveness earns the five in my mind.

Alice stole Alex's financial information through his wife, but Rachel historically has seemed fairly ready to ruin Alex throughout the history of this show. Asim's worm is the same as the fly except many levels down in impressiveness. It has to take one.

The one legitimately impressive thing about Liza's is that she was able to make a recording that triggered when Alex opened the egg. The Jeremy Irons themed message was thematically confusing and honestly, a lot of contestants brought it for this task. Russell put a lot of effort in, but he can only manage three despite going on an actual day trip with Alex and his son.

Alice: 4 (-1) Asim: 1 (-2) Liza: 2 (-1) Russell: 3 (0) Tim: 5 (+1)

VT 02: Find out what you have in common with this person. Most remarkable things in common wins.

Swear on your life. What's the point of that?

So there is both a quality and quantity aspect to this win condition. It kind of asks that you aggregate two medium-remarkable things and compare it to one REALLY remarkable thing. The easiest way to do this is to list the things the contestants had in common with Carol that were actually any sort of remarkable.

Things we learned that brushed against "remarkable" (because honestly, slim pickings):

Tim and Carol are both good at Scrabble.

Tim and Carol both used to play tennis poorly.

Russell and Carol both die their hair.

Russell showed Carol an earwax removal video that she humored (though I somewhat question how much genuine enthusiasm she had for it).

Alice and Carol were born the same week.

Asim and Carol were both school teachers at some point (Asim not for very long, but still).

Liza definitely lied about her favorite color. She's getting the 1-point. Ranking other facts I'd say Birthday > Die/Earwax > Teachers > Tennis > A lie. Thus, easy scoring --

Alice: 5 (+3) Asim: 3 (-2) Liza: 1 (-2) Russell: 4 (0) Tim: 2 (0)

VT 03: Wearing these heels, create the best dot-to-dot picture on this canvas.

That's what Picasso did. He took an image and then made it unrecognizable.

Best picture? Seems to come down to a couple elements: (1) ambition and (2) accuracy. Asim whiffed on accuracy; Alice whiffed on ambition. Russell has to take 1-point because he didn't attach numbers to it. It's rough, but there is an argument for zero as well (but I guess he did make some dots).

Was Tim actually going for the remnants of the Titanic? I can actually sort of see it. Liza did what one would expect from any non-artist with a childish sense of humor asked to draw a picture. It's not a great drawing, but I kind of think it's good enough for second.

Alice: 3 (+1) Asim: 2 (+1) Liza: 4 (0) Russell: 1 (-2) Tim: 5 (0)

Live Task: Stick a plaster to the correct body part. The slowest person to stick a plaster to the correct body part is eliminated.

Thank you Alice. Thank you Alex. Body part. Body part.

I don't see any dispute-worthy claims within this task. The original scoring stands.

Alice: 3 Asim: 2 Liza: 4 Russell: 5 Tim: 1

F I N A L:

Alice: 16 Asim: 11 Liza: 13 Russell: 17 Tim: 18

TIM WINS. NO TIEBREAKER NEEDED.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S04E01 A fat bald white man.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

New series alert and I'd say we've finally reached one of the series that most consider a peak of Taskmaster. I've said as much in the post where I ranked the series, but I'm not quite as fond of this series as most. However, Joe Lycett might be one of my favorite contestants of all time . . . so if this regrade ends with him as the winner, you can call me biased.

Prize Task: The most interesting autograph on the most interesting vegetable.

Two possible methods of grading this exist: (1) It can be evaluated by the total completed submission, or (2) The vegetable and autograph can be evaluated separately. The former seems more appropriate because some of the contestants use a theme for their whole submission.

Hugh brings in a forged "Malcolm X" signature on a carrot. He's actively sacking his points for a joke here. Joe had Sara Pascoe trick Greg into signing a yellow courgette and gets marked down because she lied about it being for charity.

Lolly tries a workaround by placing a signed Black Eyed Peas CD on some black eyed peas. Even if this is considered "on the vegetable," it's a very temporary or conditional sort of on. I'm dropping her below Joe because, to quote him: "fuck charity."

Mel had four of the five members of Take That sign different vegetables (I don't think there was any connection as to the specific vegetables, but they were all interesting). While incomplete, she quadrupled the amount of signatures anyone else got (presumably Lolly just bought a pre-signed CD).

Noel had Sir David Suchet sign a broad bean. Impressive signature, but I'm wasn't familiar with him so I'm struggling to see how it can beat Mel's four, no matter how impressive he is.

Hugh: 1 (0) Joe: 3 (+1) Lolly: 2 (-1) Mel: 5 (-1) Noel: 4 (-1)

VT 01: Destroy this cake. Most beautify destruction wins.

No disagreement on the winner here. Joe using fireworks to blow up a cake looks just as good as it sounds. Production even helped him out with slow-mo and a little Hoist.

I cannot figure out how Noel beat Lolly here. Chucking a cake in a washing machine is not more beautiful than what is actually a pretty good heart portrait. I honestly find Hugh's knife-work a little hypnotic and might have put him above Noel had it been a little cleaner.

Sorry Mel.

Hugh: 2 (0) Joe: 5 (0) Lolly: 4 (+1) Mel: 1 (0) Noel: 3 (-1)

VT 02: Create the best caricature of the person on the other side of the curtain. You may not look at the person.

Let's address the Hugh situation. He was looking at the model. Telescopes use mirrors to enlarge things and it is not incorrect to say that you are "looking at that thing through a telescope." Greg gave him one point because his drawing was terrible. He deserved a DQ.

The other thing I just noticed about this task is the word "caricature," so it's supposed to be ridiculous. Noel's is easily the best actual drawing and probably more accurate than Lolly's (despite her adding a properly colored dress). Joes is a better drawing of a human than Lolly's but at first I thought it was a caricature of himself. I'd probably put Lolly ahead for accuracy.

Mel's is really bad. So including the bonus point for getting the name, the scores are:

Hugh: 1 (-1) Joe: 3 (-1) Lolly: 4 (+1) Mel: 3 (0) Noel: 5 (0)

VT 03: Fell all the rubber ducks.

TM has done this task so many times and most people have figured out that the answer is "string." Since it's a matter of time the only question is whether someone breaks the rules. Weirdly, Alex explains they have to stay behind the rope in the studio and it's not read out on the task.

Regardless, no one tries to get around it and there doesn't seem to be any inadvertent crossing (unless you count them leaning over it to throw things).

Hugh: 5 Joe: 3 Lolly: 4 Mel: 1 Noel: 2

Live Task: Make the most juice. You must pick one fruit and one tool. If you pick the same tool as someone else, you must juice blindfolded. If you pick the same fruit as someone else, you must juice one-handed. If you pick the same fruit and tool as someone else, you must juice blindfolded, one-handed and bouncing up and down.

Everyone but Mel needed to juice one-handed and blindfolded. Joe immediately starts off by trying to pick up his bucket with two hands, realizes his mistake and drops it. I think this is mostly forgivable because I'm not even sure if he actually gets the second hand on it.

Less forgivable, Noel and Hugh just ignore the one-handed rule and use both regularly throughout the task.

I cannot fathom why they didn't get disqualified.

Hugh: DQ (-4) Joe: 4 (+1) Lolly: 3 (+2) Mel: 5 (0) Noel: DQ (-2)

Final:

Hugh: 9 (-4) Joe: 18 (+1) Lolly: 17 (+4) Mel: 15 (-1) Noel: 14 (-4)

So already a win to Joe originally achieved by Noel. Sort of hinges on whether or not Joe ought to have been disqualified in the live task. Even if he touched that bucket, I'm pretty confident he never "juiced" with both hands.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S06E04 BMXing!

Been a bit! I really don't like Series Six, so it is actually tough sledding writing it up. Still, the faster we get through Six, the sooner we get to Seven.

We get to meet Alex's assistant "Little Ian" who is quickly sacked. He just has enough time to trick Greg and get Alex a silver car.

Prize Task: The Most Thought Provoking Thing

I've worked it out . . . Bill is dead.

Greg seems to be looking for items that provoke a wide variety of thoughts. I'm more of the opinion that anything that inspires a strong sense of curiosity fits the bill here. Asim's Iranian prince portrait does look a lot like him, but Greg is not wrong in saying that having a doppelganger doesn't really wrinkle the brain.

Tim's Bill Cotton and Kathie Kay record really seems to get Greg's conspiracy brain going. I'm less intrigued by it; it's just kind of a bad album cover. It's interesting that Greg didn't seem to know who Tesla was before Liza brought in her prize. Tesla is thought provoking, but she didn't really have a prize to bring in other than "files." I am curious what those files consist of, which technically fits the category.

Alice brings Don't Pee on my Leg and Tell Me It's Raining by Judy Sheindlin. I can't really speak to how thought-provoking the book is, but Alice does not sell it well. Russell has a photo of a Buddhist monk playing with a fidget spinner app on an iPad. I'm not so thrown by the mystique of monks that I can't imagine them using apps.

Overall, a pretty weak showing in my opinion. Alice goes in last because of her pitch. Tesla goes in first because he's an interesting figure. The rest are mostly interchangeable, but personal preference dictates Russell > Tim > Asim.

Alice: 1 (-2) Asim: 2 (+1) Liza: 5 (+3) Russell: 4 (-1) Tim: 3 (-1)

VT 01: Do something manly with this cardboard box.

Go down to the local abattoir, take your own hammer, and start taking names.

Interesting task because "manly" is a construct that is mostly in the eye of the beholder. The easy ones I can mark down are those who failed to use the box. Tim's flexing has a simple elegance to it, but he is just standing in the box. Alice's play about the wage gap doesn't integrate the box at all and seems pretty half-hearted.

Asim makes a cardboard feeling robot that does go beyond the conventional understanding of "manly." It's not brilliant, but it's better than most of the showings. For example: Russell basically loses his mind (he also just stands in the box). I do think Liza has the best effort by casting the box as a man and creating a pretty depressing image of a servile marriage.

Alice: 1 (-3) Asim: 4 (0) Liza: 5 (0) Russell: 2 (-2) Tim: 3 (-1)

VT 02: Have the most fun. Exactly recreate your attempt at the first task.

Fun!

The point of this task really seems like it's the recreation attempt and "having the most fun" is pretty superfluous. The team of three definitely seems to have more fun than Team Funk and for that reason, they're a lot worse at recreating the attempt. That said, Russell and Alice don't do so perfect a job that they deserve more than the 3-2 split.

Team Funk: 3 (-4) Asim, Liza, & Tim: 2 (-6)

VT 03: Make the best art using the entire contents of this can of squirty cream.

Her majesty the cream.

I'm not entirely sure what Liza made and I'm a little shocked she gets five for it. Tim went for the pun, but it's not an impressive bit of art. Alice's, on the other hand, is really really good. Asim doesn't have the clearest idea to represent global warming, so he's going to slide in after Russell.

Alice: 5 (+1) Asim: 3 (+2) Liza: 1 (-4) Russell: 4 (+1) Tim: 2 (0)

VT 04: Remove the £5 note from under the pint without spilling any of the pint. If you spill any of the pint, you are disqualified.

Zero points for Alice and Liza who both spilt so much beer.

Alice seemed to have the strategy figured out by sliding the pint off using the task. It's just unfortunate that she spills. They're not allowed to touch the glass and it doesn't seem like anyone broke that rule.

Gotta respect Liza for just going "fuck it" and going for the whip. It does get her disqualified.

Alice: DQ Asim: 4 Liza: DQ Russell: 5 Tim: 3

Live Task: When tapped on the shoulder, shake hands with the Taskmaster without revealing your identities. You may not speak during the task. Everyone must shake hands with the Taskmaster once for at least 2 seconds. If the Taskmaster guesses your identity, you are disqualified.

The breathing is awful.

This is a winner-take-all task. Asim and Tim accidentally give away that Greg guesses them correctly. It doesn't really matter because Alice is the only one who successfully dupes him. No controversy here.

Alice: 5 Asim: DQ Liza: DQ Russell: DQ Tim: DQ

F I N A L

Alice: 15 Asim: 16 Liza: 13 Russell: 18 Tim: 13

Russell won the first time and he does so again.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S06E10 He was a different man.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Series finale! Honestly, this season was a slog as evidenced by how slowly I got through it. Series Seven is a lot better (and one that a lot of people consider to be the best of all time).

That said, I've come off my Taskmaster fixation a bit. I'm still enjoying new episodes when they come out (including Australia and New Zealand), but now that I've stopped obsessing through these write-ups, it's getting harder. I at least want to get through Series Eight because it's my favorite, but this project might be naturally reaching its end.

Still, it's not like I'm on a deadline with this. I can always come back to it when I feel like. Anyway, let's wrap up Series Six.

Prize Task: The Least Appropriate Accessory For a Wedding Anniversary

How are you going to accessorize that?

Liza does a sandwich board stating "I Love Tom Hanks." Humor is subjective, but even as far as non sequiturs go, this is pretty weak. Russell does gift vouchers for a divorce lawyer. Pro - on topic. Con - a gift card that definitely isn't real because divorce lawyers don't give gift cards.

Alice thinks the mother of the bride should bring a positive pregnancy test. I fully agree. "She'll wear it as a corsage." Asim brings num-chuks. Even as non sequiturs go this is pretty weak.

Tim does a bunch of puns about bees! A for effort. B for execution.

Alice: 5 (+2) Asim: 2 (-3) Liza: 1 (0) Russell: 3 (-1) Tim: 4 (+2)

VT 01: Knock over the fewest skittles. You may place one item on each of the three ramp sections, or you may place two items on one of the ramp sections. Your items must be found on this table and may not include either you or the table. You may not tamper with the balls or the ramp.

What's that finger thing for?

Alex showed there was a right way to do this on YouTube! The only thing to evaluate here is whether anyone broke the rules. Possible trip-ups: (1) Wrong number of items in the section. (2) Items didn't come from the table. (3) Tampering.

Asim and Liza genuinely struggled understanding the rules. Alex's logic tracks that something that constitutes a singular form while it's on the table is an item. Asim narrowly avoids disqualifying by completely flubbing the task.

Alice, Russell, and Tim certainly seemed a bit smarter about it. It did seem like their attempts would have better results. Okay, maybe not Alice's banana peels. All said, this task was graded correctly.

Alice: 3 Asim: 3 Liza: 4 Russell: 5 Tim: 1

VT 02: Blow the candle out from the furthest distance. You may not relight the candle.

It was like an unhelpful Narnia.

This is going to be mean and people could call me incorrect about this, but it is brought up on the show and it should be taken seriously. Asim doesn't blow the candle out by any definition of the word. He knocks it over and it goes out.

Everyone else's score remain the same (+1 if you didn't get disqualified). Asim didn't complete the task.

Alice: 4 (+1) Asim: 0 (-5) Liza: 0 (0) Russell: 3 (+1) Tim: 5 (+1)

VT 03: Tell the Taskmaster you love him in the most meaningful way.

It was so . . . in me.

Liza wins. There's nothing to say about it. You have to see it and if you don't understand why Liza wins, I can't explain to you why Liza wins.

Russell gets one. He didn't do anything.

Asim's serenade was good enough to win the five in most instances. This wasn't one of those instances. Tim made himself Greg's mom which I thought was pretty inspired. Alice wrote, as Greg described it, a "heavily caveated declaration of love."

Alice: 2 Asim: 4 (-1) Liza: 5 Russell: 1 Tim: 3

Live Task: Display a number. You get one rosette if your number is higher than the person's on your right and one if its lower than the person's on your left. If you display the same number as someone else, you lose them all.

I am a creature of habit!

The only interesting part of this game (that is supposedly taking the world by storm) is that Alice asks Alex twice to let her pin the rosettes on herself.

There may be a game theory discussion to be had about this, but that's definitely not happening here. The scores remain unchanged.

Liza and Russell didn't get anything, but by rules I've set in the past -- zero is a number, so you do get points.

Alice: 5 (0) Asim: 4 Liza: 2 (+2) Russell: 2 (+2) Tim: 3 (0)

F I N A L

Episode --

Alice: 16 Asim: 13 Liza: 12 Russell: 14 Tim: 16

Alice and Tim TIE, which I took away from Alice in the past so I'M GIVING IT BACK TO HER.

Series --

I'm sure everyone's just as interested as me to learn who really won the series so let's math it up . . .

Alice: 133 Asim: 151 Liza: 149 Russell: 174 Tim: 179

Lost a hook, but won our hearts, it's Tim.

Actually surprised Liza didn't win it after calculation, I think odds on she was my favorite contestant this series. That said, good riddance to Series Six. I like you, but I don't like you.

Series Seven, let's go.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S01E04 Down an octave.

*Score changes in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Most beautiful item.

Tim's trip to Cologne is beautiful, both because the cathedral is stunning and because they actually ended up taking the trip. Romesh's statute might be the only other thing that is actually aesthetically pleasing (depending on your taste for Roisin's cardigan). I can't do magic eyes, but reports are that Josh lied about his prize task because of course he did.

Tim: 5 (0) Romesh: 4 (+3) Roisin: 3 (+1) Frank: 2 (-1) Josh: 1 (-3)

VT 01: Make this ice block disappear as fast as possible.

A task rife with pedantry because it uses the word "disappear" rather than "melt." This leads to the natural question "disappear from existence or sight?" and in the case of the latter, "whose sight?"

Tim throws the thing in the river which is a similar tactic to what worked for Paul Sinha and Iain Stirling in a Series Eight eraser task. I'm inclined to defer to the studio scores because even if we take Tim's definition of disappear, it would have been more elegant to actually conceal the ice from Alex rather than chucking it in the river.

Josh: 5 Frank: 4 Roisin: 3 Romesh: 2 Tim: 1

VT 02: Get to 11 points as fast as possible.

The debut of team tasks and the start of inconsistent scoring. The team points were originally meant to be a split of five. Greg never does this, much to Alex's chagrin. Both teams achieve the task and Frank/Tim solve the puzzle. It's all about time though, so a 3-2 split in favor of the team of three feels right.

Roisin, Romesh, and Josh: 3 (+1) Frank and Tim: 2 (+1)

VT 03: Fill an egg cup with as many tears as possible.

There is an argument that Roisin and Tim should get zero points for not getting any tears into the cup. However, within the four corners of the task, that might just have been the most tears possible for them and they should actually get 2 points for coming in joint fourth.

Frank: 5 (0) Romesh: 4 (0) Josh: 3 (0) Roisin: 2 (+1) Tim: 2 (+1)

Solo Task: Count the beans/rings/grains of rice.

Josh did this one by himself and it infamously won him the series. Solo tasks are inherently unfair but Taskmaster is never about being fair. That said, Josh's efforts were never actually evaluated for accuracy, so no points.

Josh: 0 (-1)

Live Task: Memorize the names of an Australian rules football team.

Everybody got one so everyone was awarded one point. It's purely academic, but because everyone came in joint first, everyone should have received five.

Frank: 5 (+4) Josh: 5 (+4) Roisin: 5 (+4) Romesh: 5 (+4) Tim: 5 (+4)

Final

Frank: 18 (+4) Josh: 17 (+1) Roisin: 16 (+7) Romesh: 18 (+8) Tim: 15 (+6)

Josh originally won the episode largely because he lied about his prize task. I have Frank and Romesh tied with the break going Frank's way for finding Alex faster.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S05E04 Residue around the hoof.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Most Extraordinary Souvenir

Abba Monopoly is less extraordinary and more perplexing. Mark has a Kuwait themed shirt despite never having been to Kuwait. It sort of stretches the definition of "souvenir" seeing as it serves as a reminder of nothing. Bob has a 5-foot tall Woody Woodpecker that he won from a ping-pong game at Butlin's in Spain. Ultimately, it's still just a Woody Woodpecker doll. Aisling also stretches the definition of "souvenir" by bringing in a bag of her teeth. Nish somehow has the best offering because he stole a fake leaf from Hobbiton in New Zealand.

Aisling's is, at least, interesting. Bob/Mark/Sally all deserve last, but the woodpecker was actually won, not bought, and Mark's shirt at least had a story.

Aisling: 4 (-1) Bob: 3 (+2) Mark: 2 (0) Nish: 5 (+1) Sally: 1 (-2)

VT 01: Make Marmite.

Marmite is disgusting and I don't understand people who like it. That said, I basically have to go off of Alex's reactions on this one. I can maybe adjust a little bit for how much it looks like Marmite.

I disagree with Greg here. Nish didn't present Marmite that he bought. He seemed to change it so much that I would consider whatever he presented as "made." Aisling's doesn't look like Marmite and Alex repeatedly says it doesn't taste like Marmite. Mark's looks close but it is a lot more liquidy than Marmite. Alex says it tastes close. Bob's is too light, but Alex said he would guess it's Marmite in a blind taste test.

Once again, I'm not sure Nish deserved to be DQ'd here. It's really liquidy (and hot for some reason). Alex pulls it out in chunks. Sally has several jars, one of which is just Absinthe. To quote Greg: "Sally misheard the task as would you please show Alex the time of his life."

Aisling: 3 (0) Bob: 5 (0) Mark: 4 (0) Nish: 2 (+2) Sally: 1 (-1)

Team Task: Do something remarkable, synchronized. Most remarkably synchronized behavior wins.

This isn't a fair task for the team of three and neither team does anything particularly impressive. The team of three is slightly more synchronized (despite Bob screwing up almost everything). The team of two's routine was slightly more interesting. I'd give a tie if I believed in it, but I'll just defer to Greg's grading.

Aisling, Bob, & Sally: 3 Mark and Nish: 2

VT 03: Wearing this blindfold, blow up this balloon so that its circumference is the length of a standard cucumber. Spot the difference. Have a look at the scene in front of you and explain exactly what's changed since you've put the blindfold on.

This sort of task is random as to whether to first half of it gets graded. They decide to do so here, despite it not actually having a win condition. The way to do it is take what you think is the length of a standard cucumber and divide it by a little more than three to get the diameter of your balloon. Thus, you'll have really small balloons.

As for the spot the changes half of it, it isn't entirely clear how many guesses they get or how specific the guess has to be. Thus we defer to the original grading.

Aisling: 8 Bob: 6 Mark: 8 Nish: 4 Sally: 4

VT 04: Sneeze.

There's no time limit on this, so there's an argument Aisling, Nish or Sally shouldn't have gotten zero. Surely they sneezed sometime between the task and the studio recording. I guess there's an argument that Aisling and Sally cheated, but it was such a pathetic cheating attempt that it almost doesn't count. Nish gave up, so if anyone is getting a zero, it's him.

Aisling: 1 (+1) Bob: 5 (0) Mark: 4 (0) Nish: 0 (0) Sally: 1 (+1)

Live Task: Stand on one leg for the longest while playing a game of Greg Says/Alex Says.

They all drop pretty quickly. There's two DQ conditions: Removing your foot from over the balloon and touching "any other item." Mark definitely touches the floor when Nish stumbles past him and Aisling's foot is behind her when this happens, not over the balloon.

Now, I think these can be excused away because the previous command was to bow, which is just impossible to do without removing your foot for a bit. Additionally, I'm okay with not considering the floor to be "an item."

Aisling: 5 Bob: 1 Mark: 4 Nish: 2 Sally: 3

Final

Aisling: 24 (0) Bob: 23 (+2) Mark: 24 (0) Nish: 15 (+3) Sally: 13 (-2)

What was originally a tie between Aisling and Mark is still a tie between Aisling and Mark. We saw this tiebreaker play out, and Mark comes away the winner.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S04E07 No stars for naughty boys.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Best Chair

Very simple task that somehow gets some whiffs. Joe doesn't bring in a chair. He brings in a pocket-sized sculpture of Greg's face (and it doesn't look like Greg). I haven't seen anyone ever get disqualified from a prize task before, but that's as close as you get. Lolly brings in a bean bag chair which does fit the category . . . but it's a pretty boring submission.

Mel brings in a dollhouse chair from her childhood. This is somehow the best prize so far. Hugh brings in a photo of his son on his shoulders, which is cute . . . and paid off in the end because Hugh comes on stage to let Joe sit on him. Noel brings in a David Bowie chair and honestly, it mostly beats the uninspired mess that the rest of the cast brings.

Hugh: 5 (0) Joe: 1 (-1) Lolly: 2 (-1) Mel: 3 (+2) Noel: 4 (0)

VT 01: Stand on one leg. Your raised foot must not touch the ground until the task is complete. Bring Alex his dinner. Every time your raised foot touches the ground, you must eat a slice of Alex's dinner. Most dinner delivered fastest, wins.

Alex sets out the penalty in studio and we know the contestants weren't aware of this based on what Joe said in the outtakes. There's no disqualifying condition in this task. Hugh has the workaround and still somehow only comes in second to Noel.

Hugh: 4 Joe: 3 Lolly: 1 Mel: 2 Noel: 5

VT 02: Hide from Alex. Alex is in the caravan. He has already started counting to 100.

And that's it. We never hear the win condition for the task. The only thing that makes sense is that the winner is the person it takes Alex longest to find. Of course there's minutiae about whether Alex has to tag you, whether you can leave the grounds, etc.

I don't buy for a second that Joe and Hugh exactly tied, but I have no means of reviewing the times it actually took Alex to find them. Lolly dominates and we have the Mel incident. No score changes detected.

Hugh: 3 Joe: 3 Lolly: 5 Mel: 4 Noel: 1

Team Task: Get this wheelie bin across the finishing line. One of you must be in the wheelie bin at all times. The other person must be blindfolded at all times. The wheelie bin rider must direct the wheelie bin drivers to complete the course and the five challenges within it. Also no one can speak English.

One possible DQ condition - speaking English. I guess Mel and Hugh just know French? Mel was so good and I'm pretty sure she never slips in any English.

The team of three chooses German . . . Joe is regularly speaking in English throughout it and it directly leads to them being able to finish the task. Disqualification seems earned here.

Hugh and Mel: 5 (+3) Joe, Lolly, & Noel: 0 (-3)

VT 04: Unveil a new handshake. Best new handshake wins.

This might just have to be a preference judgment because there aren't a lot of objective indicators to evaluate it on. Hugh doesn't execute his well, but it seems like a handshake that you could actually use. Lolly slipped Alex a bribe, which isn't really a new thing to do.

Noel has Alex use a hand on a stick to shake a hand placed in the crotch of his pants. And then we have Joe who exchanges finger strokes with Alex whilst maintaining full eye contact for the entire three minutes. This is legitimately hard to grade outside of Lolly (who comes last for not doing something new). Joe and Noel beat the rest for being unique and Joe edges Noel for not being a dick joke.

Hugh: 3 (0) Joe: 5 (0) Lolly: 1 (-2) Mel: 2 (-1) Noel: 4 (0)

Live Task: Make the best and biggest all-round banana out of these bananas.

It's tasks like these that make you start to question what the platonic ideal of a banana is. Presumably they should be edible, but do they have to be? About the only thing Noel succeeded in was putting the bananas into a continuous shape. This rightfully beats Mel's "banunting," which was both bad and not the task. Lolly merged all the bananas and covered it with all the peels, which does start to approach the concept of a big banana.

Joe taped three bananas to a column and attempted to call the whole thing a banana. He only isn't coming in last because Mel was there to take his place.

Hugh: 4 (+1) Joe: 2 (-2) Lolly: 5 (0) Mel: 1 (0) Noel: 3 (+1)

Final

Hugh: 24 (+2) Joe: 14 (-6) Lolly: 14 (-6) Mel: 17 (+4) Noel: 17 (-2)

So some heavy deductions on Joe rob us of his excellent tiebreaker performance. Hugh deserved it though.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S01 E02 The pie whisperer.

*Score changes in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Most Impressive Item

Tim Key: Tim brings in his medal from running the London Marathon in 2009. This is obviously genuinely impressive.

Frank Skinner: Frank brings in a leather crown meant to resemble what one would get out of a cracker. This was graded very highly and I cannot understand how it didn't come in last.

Roisin Conaty: Roisin brings in a giant champagne bottle. It is slightly impressive that she got a champagne bottle that is larger than normal champagne bottles.

Josh Widdicombe: Josh got a woo and Greg confesses that he feels like Josh got shafted. However, Josh's trophy from Pointless quite arbitrarily came in next-to-last.

Romesh Ranganathan: Romesh brings in an Arsenal cap. It is unclear whether it actually came from an Arsenal player.

Josh brought in something actually impressive and it's unclear how Frank's crown can actually be described as such. Roisin probably rightly comes in third due to the ambiguity in Romesh's cap.

Tim: 5 (0) Josh: 4 (+2) Roisin: 3 (0) Romesh: 2 (+1) Frank: 1 (-3)

VT 01: High-five a 55 year-old.

This task is a mess. Frank high-fives multiple people, but none of whom are 55, so he should have been disqualified. Josh and Roisin got the thing done. Romesh high-fives a 51 year-old, which is also not completing the task. Tim, while appropriating the good name of Comic Relief, did get the task done despite some skeeviness and deserved to come in second.

Josh: 5 (0) Tim: 4 (+1) Roisin: 3 (-1) Frank: DQ (-2) Romesh: DQ (-1)

VT 02: Identify the contents of these pies. You may touch the pies, but may not breach their pastry.

Ordering Alex to open a pie for you could be construed as a breach, but that's probably not outside the spirit of the task. Roisin and Tim's argument that "looking into the pie" is "breaching it" is obviously ridiculous. That said, Josh and Romesh actually do breach the integrity of the pastry with their hands and deserve disqualifications.

Frank also just outright cuts into the toothpaste pie, although this seems to have been permitted after the task.

Tim: 5 (0) Roisin: 4 (0) Frank: 3 (+2) Josh: DQ (-2) Romesh: DQ (-3)

VT 03: Do something that will look impressive in reverse.

Josh Widdicombe: Somehow Josh gets four for fake-pulling a van where the tether constantly gets slack. Simply unbelievable.

Tim Key: Tim "puts together a puzzle" which is a clever use of something that's easier to do backwards rather than forwards.

Frank Skinner: Frank fakes a push-up by falling to the ground. Frank said it was embarrassing and he was not wrong.

Roisin Conaty: Roisin gets a big assist from the production team in this one by elevating spitting to an arthouse quality piece of film. It's fine, but it definitely did not deserve to be on the same level as Romesh.

Romesh Ranganathan: Tree Wizard is just iconic. Easy five.

Romesh: 5 (0) Roisin: 4 (-1) Tim: 3 (+1) Josh: 2 (-2) Frank: 1 (0)

Live Task: Crack the code, unshackle yourself, and sprint one meter.

Objective task, no controversy, no change.

Roisin: 5 Romesh: 4 Josh: 3 Tim: 2 Frank: 1

Final:

Roisin: 19 (-2) Tim: 19 (+1) Romesh: 11 (-3) Josh: 14 (-2) Frank: 6 (-3)

Roisin won this one, but she should have tied with Tim. Absent a known tiebreaker, we'll defer to Greg and say Roisin was the rightful winner of the episode.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S04E02 Look at me.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Most boastful item.

"Boastful" is not the same thing as "impressive." It doesn't have to be true and it doesn't it even have to be good. It just has to speak loudly for itself. Hugh's loser medal does not. Joe is going to suffer from my Americanness this time because, while I've heard of The Chuckle Brothers, it's an act that doesn't really resonate with me (also I would argue that bragging about meeting someone is pumping their greatness, not your own).

I looked up GCSE mathematics and Lolly's claim is that she was basically doing pre-calculus during fourth grade. This is very impressive if not for two things: (1) She was never tested on it. (2) She isn't nine anymore. I finished 95th percentile on the SAT's when I was in high school and it did not stop me from becoming an absolute imbecile at my current age.

Mel brought in several awards for best guinea pig and I honestly don't care that she was in her 40's when she did it. That's an interesting award and I want to hear more! Noel won sexiest man of the year . . . I mean c'mon it's not even fair.

Hugh: 1 (0) Joe: 2 (0) Lolly: 3 (-1) Mel: 4 (+1) Noel: 5 (0)

VT 01: Keep the basketball on the running machine for as long as possible. You may not touch the basketball or the running machine.

Note: Is this the first time Joe kisses the portrait of Greg?

I'm keeping an eye out for DQ's here. Joe and Noel fail terribly. Lolly and Mel get so close to solving it, but they don't quite get to where Hugh ends up.

Hugh proves the simplest solution is the best . . . but he also unplugs the treadmill. I would contend that the plug that attaches to the treadmill is part of it, but I'm willing to give it to Hugh for a few reasons. (1) He might have just unplugged an extension cord, I couldn't tell. (2) He beat everyone by a lot. (3) The task never said touching it results in disqualification, so it could be interpreted to mean that touching it just stops your time. He'd still win in that case.

Hugh: 5 Joe: 2 Lolly: 4 Mel: 3 Noel: 1

VT 02: Paint the best picture of the Taskmaster. Only the paint and brush may touch the mat, easel, and canvas.

Joe kisses Greg's portrait again and his reward is being the victim of the solo task. He has to smile with increasing enthusiasm every 30 seconds. I'd say he gets to his sixth smile until he accidentally goes way too big and can't beat it. Not DQ worthy because it's a solo task and you can't actually measure his enthusiasm.

The way I read the task, accuracy is not as important as quality. It does have to be a picture of Greg, but an impressive painting beats a worse, more accurate one.

Lolly's is bad, but I can see eyes and the words "task" and "master." Joe's is frankly astounding given the way he painted it. Hugh is an easy DQ (although the task never said the easel could touch the mat and it starts there, but whatever). Mel's is barely better than Lolly's because there's some consistency towards an artistic vision in it. Noel's is really good and I do think it beats Joe (which makes sense because Noel painted like a normal person).

Hugh: DQ Joe: 4 Lolly: 2 Mel: 3 Noel: 5

Team Task: Land the flower on the target. You may not leave the bandstand. Most flower lying loose on the bandstand wins.

I still find it crazy that outtakes show that Alex stole Joe's "Mel and Shoe" joke and then he uses it multiple times this series without it ever being explained. Regardless, Noel's antics make this really easy to score. Taskmaster does not abide cheating.

Hugh and Mel: 5 Joe, Lolly, and Noel: DQ

VT 04: Without touching the egg or the egg cup, get the egg into the egg cup. You may only use the equipment currently on the table. If you touch a piece of equipment that another contestant touches, you will both receive a 1 minute penalty per piece of equipment touched.

So this task is a little confusing on how the penalties work. You can either receive a one minute penalty per type of equipment that's touched or for each item of equipment that's touched. With the former, if all five contestants use the bread then they all get a one-minute penalty. With the latter, they would all get a four-minute penalty (one for each piece of bread the other contestants touched).

The show chooses the latter definition and I think it's the right call. The point is to force people to choose worse items by punishing more the more popular it is. It's worth stating that the other definition drops Lolly to third behind Noel and Joe.

Hugh: 2 Joe: 3 Lolly: 5 Mel: 1 Noel: 4

Live Task: Looking at the Taskmaster at all times and with your arms always beneath your hairdressing smock, attach as many balloons together as possible. Longest balloon chain wins.

Greg gave himself a task to set the episode title by shouting "look at me" as many times as possible. Alex seems to count the chains correctly. I contend they should have broken the tie between Noel and Lolly by measuring.

Hugh: 4 Joe: 2 Lolly: 3 Mel: 5 Noel: 3

Final

I only moved one point around in the episode, so Mel holds onto her win!

Hugh: 17 (0) Joe: 13 (0) Lolly: 17 (-1) Mel: 21 (+1) Noel: 18 (0)

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S06E06 We met at mealtimes.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Greg defaces Alex's tummy. Moving on.

Prize Task: The Best Thing You've Invented

This is the worst round one we've ever had.

Russell invents "cup cereal" and Alex/Greg both take him down for it already being invented. My problem is more fundamental in that my parents never set an arbitrary time where I had to stop eating cereal, thus requiring me to conceal my cereal-eating.

Asim 3D printed shoes. It looks like soap. I think this might be good, but Greg is so dismissive out of the gate that it never gets a chance. Tim legitimately invented a spade that you can pretend to dig with. It looks effective and I've never heard of such a thing before. Great effort.

Liza's cactus shoes are so confusing that I will absolutely forget them as soon as I stop writing this post. Any modicum of internal logic would elevate them above Russell, but there isn't any.

And heeeey, Alice didn't invent anything. She had an idea . . . but the category was best invention, not best idea. I think everyone else did successfully invent a thing.

Alice: 1 (0) Asim: 4 (+3) Liza: 2 (-1) Russell: 3 (+2) Tim: 5 (0)

VT 01: Make the best snow globe.

Awful Christmas Armageddon.

I'm not all that much of a stickler on what the requirements are for "being a snow globe." That being said, Alice doesn't make a snow globe. The "globe" part is missing. I've noticed more and more that Alice just doesn't do the task a lot in this series and it's not all that surprising that she comes in last. She also orders "face meat" which is how I learned such a thing exists.

Frankly, Liza's is gorgeous. Tim makes something closer to a smoothie than a snow globe. Asim puts two Jon Snows in a balloon?? He also creates a visual that will stick with me forever. It fits the definition of "snow globe" sufficiently.

Russell does get pretty close to the platonic ideal of a snow globe. I have to weigh it against whether I value Asim's creativity more. Liza is easily first and Alice is easily last. Tim getting two makes sense and I think Russell has to edge Asim because Asim largely didn't seem to know what he was going to do next.

Alice: 1 (-2) Asim: 3 (+2) Liza: 5 (+1) Russell: 4 (-1) Tim: 2 (-1)

Team Task: Knock over as many ducks as possible. You must all remain on the red carpet throughout the task.

I also don't remember the way we were positioned.

Alright, hear me out. This can be interpreted as only a part of one's body must remain on the red entirely (not sure why they didn't call it the "red green").

Russell does keep a foot on the red. There is a philosophy in law that it should be interpreted as close to what is colloquially understood to be the law and in this case, everyone in studio seems to think it's fair to DQ Team Funk. That's the feeling I get too and while I think there's an argument for them winning, I am okay with how it shook out.

Team Funk: DQ Asim, Liza, & Tim: 5

VT 03: Make an announcement. Biggest announcement to the most people wins.

But nobody listened.

We're gonna rate "biggest" one through five and "most" one through five and combined score will decide it. Thus, ties are possible. I really hate what Asim does. It had the kernel of a good idea, but it's so clumsy. That said, at least he tried.

Russell doesn't. I would say he makes his announcement to his mom and no one else. It's also the least big announcement, and yes, it is smaller than Alice announcing quattro formaggi pizza having four types of cheese. Her audience is approximately 400.

I love what Tim does. By my rules, he really only makes his announcement to under 50 people, but I'm giving him the title of "biggest" because he made himself a security threat.

Liza is in last, because I have no idea what she did. If I had to guess . . . she didn't do the task and then made up some bullshit about how she did the task.

So, Liza: last. Russell: smallest message and audience. Alice: second smallest message, second largest audience. Asim: second largest message and largest audience. Tim: largest message and third largest audience. So the scores shake out as such:

Alice: 3 (+1) Asim: 5 (0) Liza: DQ (-2) Russell: 2 (+1) Tim: 4 (0)

VT 04: Make the best parachute for this wooden spoon. Slowest and most dramatic fall wins.

At last.

I never really took the "most dramatic" requirement seriously. Some contestants also took the definition of "parachute" liberally. For some reason, Alex never announces the times on this one.

It feels like it should be Liza (5). Alice (4). Tim (3). Asim (2). Russell (1).

And that's just based on vibes.

Greg swaps Asim and Russell with his scores. I'm pretty confident Russell did the worst.

Alice: 4 (0) Asim: 2 (+1) Liza: 5 (0) Russell: 1 (-1) Tim: 3 (0)

Live Task: You will each be given a category. You will each have 10 seconds to say things that fall into that category. First you must each predict how many correct answers you will give. The person who has successfully predicted the highest number wins.

Eggs!

All of these were very easy categories and I bet I would have bet myself somewhere between ten and twenty. The only bad category is continents (because there's only seven). That said, I would have failed at "counties" unless U.S. counties are counted, and why wouldn't they be? It's a show about pedantry.

I am a little disappointed in Liza for not being able to name five continents. There's also a bit of discussion to be had about whether Alice repeated her crustaceans. I don't have strong feelings about it and I've been hard on her in scoring, so let it be.

Alice: 5 (0) Asim: 4 (0) Liza: DQ (-1) Russell: 3 (0) Tim: 3 (0)

F I N A L

Alice: 14 Asim: 23 Liza: 17 Russell: 13 Tim: 22

Here's an announcement: Hand it to Asim Chaudhry.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S02 E02 Pork is a sausage.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Prize Task: Trendiest Item of clothing.

Richard brings in a t-shirt of the Osmonds but with his face edited over them. It's a clever joke, but a complete whiff on trendiness as the Mormon sing group gradually becomes less and less relevant over time.

Katherine brings in a pair of leggings with a unicorn fighting a robot dinosaur with a rainbow overhead. This actually isn't bad; the 80's aesthetic is pretty bullet proof and it exudes a level of non-sequitarian humor that can be pretty trendy.

Jon brings in a cardigan with a a black waist coat sewn in. He impresses Katherine with it, but outside of cardigans being a decently popular item of clothing, this isn't particularly impressive.

Joe brings in his best tie with his aunt (definitely a lie) and a small vintage car embroidered on it. It doesn't look terrible but he really needed to sell this with a better story.

Doc brings in bright red waterproof converse, or what he calls "wellies with laces." He tries to sell it by saying how ridiculous they are and that's what he finds trendy.

They all sort of whiff on the category to varying degrees. Richard's is the opposite of trendy and Katherine's is the best. The other three are largely dependent on taste.

Doc: 4 (-1) Joe: 2 (0) Jon: 3 (0) Katherine: 5 (+1) Richard: 1 (0)

VT 01: Eat me. Fastest wins.

Theoretically objective task but there is a ton of pedantry involved in how much of an egg one has to consume to "eat it." None of them eat the shell, but it's pretty collectively understood that it isn't included when you say you've consumed an egg.

Doc and Joe appear to completely consume their eggs. Katherine abstains after tasting raw egg and takes a DQ as a result The issue is that Jon and Richard both lose some of their egg to the table because they crack it into the egg-cup and it isn't big enough to hold the contents.

It's not an easy question because interpreting the task to mean consume any of the egg puts Katherine back in the game, but interpreting it to mean the entire egg DQ's Jon and Richard. Greg seems to take an intent-based approach (Jon and Richard didn't mean to lose part of their eggs and consumed as much as they possibly could) and the outcome feels just.

Doc: 4 (0) Joe: 2 (0) Jon: 3 (0) Katherine: DQ (0) Richard: 5 (0)

VT 02: Make the best music video for a nursery rhyme.

Doc's music video for Once I Caught a Fish Alive is so good that I occasionally go back and rewatch it, just because it jams. Jon's horror movie version of Three Blind Mice is a close second.

I'm not sure Katherine actually completed the task because one of the requirements of being a nursery rhyme is that it's traditional and she wrote an original song.

Richard's rendition of She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain while he's generally being mean to people is interesting, if a little confusing thematically. However, I'm actually going to give the nod to Joe, who I think achieved a level of terribleness that brought it back around to good again.

Doc: 5 (0) Joe: 3 (+2) Jon: 4 (-1) Katherine: DQ (-4) Richard: 2 (-1)

Studio Task: Using this camera, take a picture of an inanimate object that looks like you. Closest resemblance wins.

Most of them got pretty close and Richard did deserve top marks here because his is the only object that, if I saw it out in the wild, I would say "that looks like Richard Osman." Doc Brown looks a little more like Marvin Humes than Katherine does the woman on the Spanx box and somehow they both look more like their objects than Jon's 3D print of himself. Joe got two points for bringing in a toaster then dressing up like a toaster. Good bit, but unless he always dresses up like a toaster there's no resemblance.

Doc: 4 (+3) Joe: 1 (-1) Jon: 2 (-2) Katherine: 3 (0) Richard: 5 (0)

VT 03: Order the following pizza for the Taskmaster: Extra large vegetarian pizza with pepperoni and bacon, and without tomato and cheese. You may not use the following words: Extra, Large, Vegetarian, Pizza, Pepperoni, Bacon, Tomato, Cheese.

The task doesn't lay out the winning condition and all of them say one of the forbidden words at least once. They decide in studio that the best pizza delivered wins it. It isn't the fairest way to grade because they all were calling different pizza places and the task specifies that you just have to order the pizza, not receive it. As such, I'll rescore based on violations + the "bubbles" bonus point.

Doc: 2 (-1) Joe: 5 (0) Jon: 2 (-3) Katherine: 5 (+1) Richard: 5 (+4)

Live Task: Using these big chopsticks, get these potatoes into your basket. You must only hold the big chopsticks on the grips provided. The big chopsticks alone may touch the potatoes in turn. Whoever has the most potatoes in the basket after 100 seconds wins.

Richard breaks the rules right off the bat. Jon gets 11/10 potatoes which is great, and within the rules, because "these" could mean any of the potatoes on stage. Doc and Joe take zeroes because their baskets fall off the stage, but they should actually come in joint third unless the task required all 10 potatoes to go in the basket (which would DQ Katherine).

Doc: 3 (+3) Joe: 3 (+3) Jon: 5 (0) Katherine: 4 (0) Richard: DQ (0)

Final

Doc: 22 (+4) Joe: 16 (+3) Jon: 19 (-6) Katherine: 17 (-2) Richard: 18 (+3)

So it seems like Jon was heavily overscored in this episode mostly because the pizza task didn't penalize mistakes. Doc probably should have won the episode where he dropped the amazing nursery rap.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S01 E01 Melon buffet.

Note on the scoring: Alex told Ed on the podcast that the points are meant to add up to 15 on the individual tasks and 5 on the team tasks. Greg doesn't care about this, but I'll stick to it anyway.

Prize Task: Most Unusual Item

Frank Skinner: Brings in grape scissors. Greg asks whether anyone in the room has heard of this before and gets some cheer . . . therefore, Frank gets four points.

Josh Widdicombe: Brings a football signed by the Plymouth Argyle squad. There doesn't appear to be any signatures on the ball. Absent the lie, legitimately just a normal object that's worthy of the grade.

Roisin Conaty: Brings a photo of Greg on a bench (calling him a poet) where he claims that she didn't pay for lunch.

Romesh Ranganathan: Brings in a snowglobe gifted to him from his sister-in-law of his kids photoshopped into Santa outfits. Not a perfect example of the category, but an entertaining story.

Tim Key: Brings in a reindeer skull. Easy five points.

Here Greg mostly nails it. Josh probably just brought in a football and lied. Roisin's story made absolutely no sense. The top two were rightly unusual.

Tim: 5 Frank: 4 Romesh: 3 Roisin: 2 Josh: 1

VT 01: In the lab there is a watermelon. Eat as much watermelon as possible.

This is an objectively judged task based on how much watermelon remaining that Alex measured. The only question is whether Tim eating watermelon after the clock ran constituted cheating.

Greg takes 9 grams off of Tim, which is quite lenient based on where Taskmaster's cheating policy gets to. It seems like clear cheating so based on the original scoring the points should be as follows:

Romesh: 5 Josh: 4 Frank: 3 Roisin: 2 Tim: DQ

VT 02: Paint the best picture of a horse whilst riding a horse.

Easy out of the way early: Roisin doesn't ride a horse, DQ.

Greg's judgment is on point. Frank's was definitely best and Tim's looked like an anteater. I think there's an argument that Roisin's was better than Romesh's but alas, irrelevant.

Frank: 5 Romesh: 4 Josh: 3 Tim: 2 Roisin: DQ

VT 03: Completely empty this bathtub. You must not remove the plug, tip, or damage the bath.

Objective task, so the only thing to judge is whether Tim cheated. Seeing as he admitted to it, there's not really a question. Once again, Greg should not have given him a point.

Romesh: 5 Frank: 4 Josh: 3 Roisin: 2 Tim: DQ

Live Task: Pop up a tent. Get in the tent. Zip up the tent. Pop on a onesie in the tent and emerge from the tent wearing the onesie.

Objective task, no foul play. Roisin did not actually put on the onesie so she probably deserved a DQ.

Tim: 5 Frank: 4 Josh: 3 Romesh: 2 Roisin: DQ

Final:

Frank: 20 (+1) Romesh: 19 (0) Josh: 14 (+1) Tim: 12 (-5) Roisin: 6 (-1)

Frank deservedly won the episode and probably shouldn't even have needed a tiebreaker to do it.