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cherrycola27 · 10 months ago

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false god

Series Warnings: Mythology!AU. Language, alcohol, drinking. Military inaccuracies. Mutual pining, unrequited love. Allusions to and full smut. Minors DNI. 18+. Individual chapter warnings will come as needed. Banner Credit @thedroneranger

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Chapter 18: Lose Control

The bed was cold without Bradley this morning. He'd left early to go to Maverick's workshop. The Bronco needed a few tune ups, and Maverick's shop had everything Bradley needed. He'd kissed you goodbye early this morning with a promise to be home by dinner. It had been a while since he'd been able to spend some time with his pseudo-father, and you encouraged him to have fun.

Resolving that you weren't going to get any more sleep, you rolled out of bed and stretched before meandering into the shower. Without Bradley in there with you, you felt the anxiety of being around water creeping in, causing you to spend less time in there than you would have liked.

You got out and dried yourself off before dragging your hand across the mirror to clear the steam.

You froze as you stared at your reflection.

There, looking back at you, was something you'd only see on other people. The neat row of numbers ticking away just above your head.

A lifetime counter.

How was this possible? You were a Goddess, never meant to die. But there, right above your brow, was the proof that you would. And what was worse is you didn't have much time. A few months. After doing the math, you realized your time would run out on your birthday. You'd barely get six months of marriage with Bradley.

You just didn't understand. It didn't make sense. But then you thought back to the cut from the mug at his aunts house. The soreness in your muscles. The fatigue you had. The bruises that seemed to come from nowhere that took ages to fade.

Something was wrong, and you needed answers.

You threw on some clothes and raced to your kitchen.

You grabbed a sprig of mint and quickly lit it. Moments later, Minthe appeared before you with worry written on her face.

"Hades." She breathed out as she took your hands. "I have horrible news, my lady."

"I'm dying." You say before she can speak again.

"How? How do you know?" Minthe asks. "I saw a lifetime counter above my head. I'm going to die on my birthday. But I don't understand. How is this possible? I thought I had one lifeline left." You say.

"Hecate and I weren't sure either. We were doing our regular check of the lifelines when we came across yours, and well—simply put, it's crumbling. It's very similar to when a mortal has a disease that kills them slowly rather than a fast snip of the line." Minthe explains to you.

"But I'm immune to mortal diseases." You insist. "Yes, we know that, which it was why we found it so strange. So we immediately consulted the Fates, and well—" Minthe sighs.

"What did they say?" You press her. "They said your lifeline is crumbling because you've spent too much time away from the Underworld and because—because you're married and tethered to a mortal." Minthe looks at you with sad eyes.

You swallow thickly. "So, if I go back to the Underworld, turn into my true form for a bit, that would help restore it?" You ask her.

"No!" She shouts at you. "Turning back into your true form takes so much of your strength. It would kill you!" She says. "The— for lack of a better term— best solution would be to ask Hera and Aphroditie to cut your tether with Bradley. That would give you enough time to complete your quest of worthiness."

"No." You state firmly. "I will not be doing that. Bradley is one of the few good things I have in my life. He is the first person to truly love me. He is my soulmates, and I will not cut our tether. If loving him means the end of my life, so be it." You tell Minthe.

"I understand, my lady. Hecate and I will see what we can do to help stop your line from crumbling. But for now, please he careful. I do not wish to see you back home unless you are sitting on your throne." Minthe says. She takes your hands and gives them a squeeze before hugging you and disappearing, leaving only the smell of mint behind.

The rest of the day, you wrestled your inner demons on whether or not you should tell Bradley. On one hand, he deserved to know. But on the other, him knowing that he was the reason you were dying, it would kill him. So, you decided not to tell him, at least not yet.

You'd give yourself a few weeks to figure it out.

.............

You could tell that someone was wrong the moment you and Bradley stepped onto base Monday morning. The air was charged with negativity.

You'd no sooner made it through the doors of the building before you were being pulled into a briefing room with Cyclone, Maverick, and Warlock.

"Gentleman," you began, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Commander Bradshaw," Cyclone cleared his throat, "we have credible intelligence that there is a cargo ship in the Pacific right now that is bringing a large amount of illegal weapons a bomb making materials to a nation that doesn't have our best interests at heart. It's currently being escorted by a foreign Naval aircraft carrier, which provides surveillance for it. We have been asked to take a small team out to destroy both the cargo ship and the carrier." He tells you.

"Admiral, when I came here, it was for a teaching position. I was brought here to train the next generation of aviators and to take the Daggers from good to the best. I did not come here to lead another death-wish mission." You say.

"Hades. We aren't asking you to lead the mission." Maverick chimes in. "Then what are you asking me?" You turn towards him.

"We are asking you how you would fly it. What would you do." Warlock tells you as he pulls up a graphic. You study the picture in go over the scenarios in your head.

"You're going to need five jets. Three singles and two doubles." You say after a long while. "Why?" Cyclone asks you.

A single and a double to drop a coordinated bomb strike on the cargo ship at the same time another pair strikes the aircraft carrier and then a single to provide back up in case you're spotted before taking them out and they launch their own airstrike." You reply.

They shake their heads, whispering amongst themselves.

"And of the Daggers, who would you pick to fly this?" Warlock asks you.

"Hangman, Coyote, Phoenix, Bob, Payback, and Fanboy. Rooster as mission leader." You tell them.

"And why Rooster for mission leader?" Cyclone asks you. "Because he listens. He cares. He looks out for the whole team." You tell them.

"Well then, who would fly as the spare?"

"Me. Obviously." You say without hesitation.

"Commander Bradshaw, I'm sure you're well aware of Navy regulations and why you can't do that." Cyclone sighs.

"Admiral, with all due respect, I don't give a fuck about the Navy regulations." You chuckle. Everyone's eyes go wide.

"With the information you've given me, there is no way that our planes aren't spotted before delivering the payload. The other carrier will have time to launch aircrafts. The Daggers are going to need a spare ready to launch and go straight into a dogfight or tactical position. Who else has more experience in that than me? Furthermore, there is not a pilot, living or dead, in the Navy that's better than me. I'm not sending my friends and my husband into a situation like this without the best possible backup." You state.

"Well, Hades. If you're the best pilot in the Navy, why are you not naming yourself as the mission leader?" Cyclone challenges you.

"For the same reason you never put your best batter first in the lineup, you need someone to clean up the mess everyone else makes." You lean back in your chair.

"Commander Bradshaw, while your reasoning is sound. I can not send you on a mission of this caliber with your husband. I'm already bending the rules by keeping you on the same squadron!" Cyclone tells you sternly.

"Then I guess you'll have to find another squadron to fly this mission, sir." You chuckle.

"Excuse me?" Cyclone grits out, surging forward in his chair.

"Admiral Simpson, as you know, I have thirteen confirmed kills and zero failed missions. Do you know what thirteen confirmed kills and no mission failures get you in the Navy?" You ask him as you cock you head to the side. The men across from you are silent, their eyes fixed on you.

"I'll tell you what it gets you. It gets you a lot of friends. Powerful friends who are grateful for your work and owe you a favor. And I won't hesitate to go to one of those friends who out ranks you cash in one of those favors. Face it, you need me and the Daggers to fly this mission because no one else is as good as we are. So, either you bend the rules even more, or we all walk away. Your choice, Simpy." You click your tongue before crossing your arms.

You can see the rage in Cyclone's eyes. He knows you're right. Everyone in the room knows you're right. Cyclone holds eye contact with you, waiting for you to break, to call your bluff. But you're a goddamm Goddess who has never bowed down to a mortal and you're not about to start now.

"Fine." Cyclone breathes out when he realizes you're not bluffing. "I thought you'd see it my way, Admiral. Now, when do we leave?" You ask the men in the room.

"Friday. We will tell the rest of the Daggers today. That means every moment from now until we ship out is spent training. Is that understood?" Admiral Bates says.

"Understood. Now, if there isn't nothing else, I'd like to be dismissed to regroup with the rest of my team." Bates nods his head once, and you get up and exit the room.

..............

The news of mission doesn't settle well with the Daggers. You can tell they feel under prepared and caught off guard. You sympathize with them. Being given a mission of this caliber on such short notice, it's scary.

The car ride home with Bradley is silent. Neither of you know what to say.

The rest of the week goes by in a blur.

Soon, you're standing in a parking lot holding your husband's hand as you watch the rest of the Daggers, and the crew say goodbye to their loved ones.

Reuben holds his wife close, and Bob kisses his wife while cradling his son in his arms. Mickey's mom and dad hug him while Nat and Javy say goodbye to both of their families. Jake's girlfriend Jasmine clings to him as he buries his face in her natural curls and kisses her head. Maverick and Penny whisper hushed and tearful goodbyes before breaking apart and boarding behind you and Bradley.

You wish you could go up to all of the families that your friends are leaving behind and tell them that they are all going to be okay. You've checked. You know. The only person who might not come back for this mission is you. You'll keep them safe. You vow that to yourself.

You've decided to still not tell Bradley about your impending death. He has enough on his plate. You know that you probably aren't supposed to, but the two of you share a bunk. And even though the bed inside it is barely big enough for Bradley, every night, you're crammed in there with him, practically on top of him, soaking in every moment the two of you have together.

The night before the misson, you and the rest of the Daggers gather in the mess hall. You eat and talk, and it's almost carefree. But you and everyone else no better than to let your guard down.

That night, in that shared, cramped bunk, Bradley makes love to you like it's the last time he will ever get to hold you, and you love him back just as hard and just as fierce and with every ounce of your soul.

It's the early hours of the morning when the two of you finish. You both know you should sleep, but neither of you can.

"Everyone is going to make it. Right?" Bradley asks you as the two of you lay naked in the dark. You turn on your side using his tattooed bicep as a pillow. He drapes your leg over his hip and begins to trace the lines and patterns of your tattoos that he knows so well. Including the rooster that now adorns your hip.

"Yes. I promise." You say trying to make eye contact with him. It's dark, but you can still see the lines of his face relax. "I wish we could tell them, tell their families." Bradley says. "I know, me too." You agree.

Bradley cups your chin and brings your lips to his, and kisses you tenderly. "Why'd you name me mission leader?" He asks you. You'd been waiting for that question. "Because you're the best person for the job. You'll take care of everyone." You tell him. He opens his mouth to speak, maybe to argue with you, but a yawn comes out instead.

You both agree that you should rest. You need to be sharp for tomorrow.

A few minutes later, Bradley is fast asleep. Soft snores fall from his lips. You lay there in the darkness, gently tracing over his features. His forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his lips, his scars. You're committing all of them to memory just in case. Your lifetime counter hasn't changed, but you can't shake the feeling in the pit of your stomach that this is the last time you'll hold Bradley in your arms.

..............

The salt air stings your face as you stand on the deck of the carrier with your helmet in your arms. The sea breeze whips the stray strands of hair that refuse to stay pulled back around your face.

You and the rest of the squad have gone over the plan and your planes more times than you can count.

You linger at the side of your jet, looking at your name, Cmdr. Y/N 'Hades' Bradshaw, in the thick, black, and blocky letters.

You hear a siren indicating that it's almost time. Everyone starts scrambling on deck. Bradley finds you and grabs you by the shoulders, forcing you to face him.

"We all come home." He says. "What?" You ask him, looking confused.

"We all come home." He emphasizes. You know exactly what he means when he says that. Bradley has your number. He knows that you wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice yourself for him or the others if it came down to it.

"Bradley—" You breathed out, but he cuts you off.

"No buts, Angel. We all come home. Six planes in, six planes out." He leaves no room for argument. "We are leaving this boat with eight souls. We are coming back with eight of them, too." Bradley says, as if speaking it into the universe will somehow make it true.

You check his counter. It's still got the same fifty years it had earlier today. You sigh and nod your head, trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of your stomach.

................

Sitting in your plane as you listened to what was happening in the mission was torture. So far, everything was going according to plan.

Overwatch hadn't picked up anything unusual, and the weather made flying smooth. Maybe you were wrong, and maybe you wouldn't even have to deploy, and everyone would land back on the carrier safely, and they would unload you out of the catapult and tonight you and Bradley would stay up having wild celebratory sex.

But the idea of all of that was soon banished from your mind as you heard Coyote call about a rouge strike team.

You lowered the canopy, ready to be launched at a moments notice.

Your heart thrummed in your chest, beating so loud it filled your ears to the point that you almost didn't hear Cyclone screaming for you to launch.

You did so quickly. Your F/A- 18 sliced through the air as you pushed the throttle forward on your way to rescue your team. You were a few minutes out, and you could hear them calling out moves and counter moves to help each other stay safe.

Hangman was out of out of flares, and you could hear Bradley saying that he was coming to cover him. The closer you got to the team, the more smoke and gunfire you could see.

You quickly lined up a shot before sending a missle through the plane of one of the bandits that was on Phoenix. She and Bob thanked you as you circled back around. You directed them to head back to the boat and for Coyote, Payback, and Fanboy to follow them. You would help Bradley and Jake. There was only one other plane and you knew you could take them.

Jake called out desperately that he was out of ammo and missiles, and Bradley was almost out of flares. Thankfully, you were able to force the pilot of the enemy plane near some cliffs of some tiny island that ran along the shores' edge.

It confused their navigation enough for you to take them out. Quickly, you, Bradley, and Jake all made your way back towards the safety of the carrier while breathing a sigh of relief.

Only, it was short-lived because moments later, another bandit was on Jake's tail.

Before you could do anything, Bradley swooped in to protect him, using the last of his flares to throw the missile attack of, giving Jake time to fly ahead to safety, leaving Bradley with the bandit on his tail.

You were out of missiles and down to a few rounds of ammo left, but them enemy was locked on and so close to Bradley that if you fired, you might risk taking out your husband. You didn't know what to do.

Then, before you could think of a plan, you hear Bradley cry out that the other pilot and missile lock on him, and he had no way to deflect it.

You told him to quickly get as much altitude as he could. Bradley listened and jetted back up towards the clouds, giving you a chance to fire at the other pilot.

But you weren't fast enough. The enemy pilot was able to fire a final shot before plummeting into the water below. The shot was just close enough to clip the tail of Bradley's plane causing him to lose control.

You screamed for him to eject, panic setting in because you couldn't see his lifetime counter. You had no clue if this was the end for him. All you could think about was how it wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

Thankfully, you heard Bradley eject and saw him burst from his cockpit before seeing the bright orange of his chute open.

But as he fell, you realized he was falling too fast. His parachute was tangled. If you didn't do something, he would surely crash into the sea below and die.

So, you ignored the warning that Minthe gave you because you knew what you had to do. You didn't think. You acted as you let the fire of your true goddess form burn through your veins one final time.

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#cherrycola27 #top gun maverick #top gun #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster top gun #tgm #tgm fic #rooster smut #bradley bradshaw smut #tgm smut #tgm fanfiction #tgm 2 #false god #Spotify

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kokushibosbestie · 16 days ago

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i think i'm falling out of love and falling in love at the same time.

is it the boy i was talking about in a previous post? no. is it my best friend? yes.

she loves my artwork and praises it. she's the first i send it to before i post it. she always starts the conversation first. she pushes me to do things i want but not sure about, like cutting my hair and coloring it. she gets excited when i tell her about my new clothes and calls me so i can do a fashion show for her. she listens to my rants and tells me it's all going to be okay when i need it without even having to tell her. she matches my energy too. she's made masks and drawing for me and encourages me when i need inspiration. she always offers me her airpods when we're together so we can listen to music together. we have the same music taste before we told each other about it. she sends me pins on pinterest and edits from her hyperfixations, and i do the same. she lets me draw curse marks from jjk on her, vise versa and she doesn't even watch it. she asks me what i'm wearing to every place we go to together so she can match with me. she smiles every time i see her, even on group calls with the friend group. she only turns on her camera if i join calls. she asks me about her cool face paint looks all the time. she helps me with history and i help her with math assignments. she likes characters or celebrities that look like me from her favorite shows, movies, and games and rants about how she'd totally date them if it weren't for her boyfriend and if she were their age.

that's the problem.

she has a boyfriend.

and i've never been the type to try and steal someone from another.

but he doesn't deserve her.

he says the worst things to her and she comes crying to me.

he makes comments on her chest and how "flat" she is.

he makes comments about how i look better than her.

he doesn't love her, not like i would.

he doesn't even talk to her unless it's over text.

he's on call with his stupid friends all the time.

and his best friend is my previous crush.

yeah, weird thing going on here, right? to be honest, i'm not even sure what kind of mess i've made or if it even if my fault. but i liked him first, then her, and now i cant get over how bad her new boyfriend treats her. he's not worth her time.

but my previous crush...he just doesn't seem interested anymore. he never texts first or asks questions like i do. he doesn't match my energy anymore. maybe he never has and i just noticed now. we've never had a genuine conversation. he 'cant' make time for me like he used to. but i know one thing. if you like someone, you'll make time for them no matter what. it doesn't matter how busy you are. and now i've gotten caught up in liking two people, but not sure what to do because one doesn't feel the same and one can't feel the same.

and she's just my type too. kind, funny, genuine, extroverted, and able to match my energy. "match my freak" is another silly expression for that. she makes me feel cared for. listened to. she makes me think that i'm not as annoying as i think i am. every time i hear her voice, my head turns and my eyes scan to find her on instinct. she has these pretty blue eyes and short blond hair. we've made jokes about how she looks like teenager justin beiber with her hairstyle. her skin is really light...like a statue of a roman goddess. and the way her lips look when she smiles is just so mesmerizing. she's so beautiful.

i know i shouldn't feel like this. it's wrong. she already has someone. everyone thinks i like someone else. and yet i can't take my eyes off of her and i can't stop messaging her. i wish i could just tell her how i feel and change her contact in my phone from "best friend." but i can't. i don't want to make things weird and lose an amazing friendship. and i don't want her to lose her relationship, as horrible as it is, because of me.

so...what do i do?

#rant #advice please #paxies posts <3

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prestonmonterey · 8 months ago

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TLT UPDATE!! BEFORE I GO TO BED

(gods im so tired...)

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3

no photos today so heres my cat :P

OPENING NIGHT!!! it went super well!!!!! (i think)

it was PA night so the understudys were percy and annabeth and they killed it!!!!!! :DDDD

also my director gave me a compliment today so im in a good mood (it was somethin along the lines of "you finally did a good job as cerberus" but ill take what i can get...) (i still have beef with him but.. whatever....)

its crazy how fast this show is going and that itll all be over after sunday,, but also i am SO tired bc we literally spend more time at school than at home this week :(

also getting a lotta acne bc im not used to wearing this much make up every day :P

but hey at least ill get to rest a teeny bit on the weekend (just in the morning TwT bc we have matinees)

also my parents and some of my friends are comin tomorrow so they BETTER FUCKIN BUY ME CANDY (i really really really want candygrams... one of the stage managers got like 4 boxes of candy i am so jealous...)

also also also we did the legacy robe last night before preview night and my friend (and mother /ij) got it :DDDD very happy for her

um um um i felt like i had more to say but idk this is already a lot and i cant remember things im kinda tired :P

oh i finally got my camper necklace!!! the beads were missing for like a week but they were just on the table in the costuming room... anyway my friend made it for me during tech class bc shes so so sooo sweet <3 (while i was in math trying to force my friend to study... *stares at neeks* /aff) i got four beads that kinda almost make the ace flag!! (black for tech, silver for the fall play, light blue for this show, and purple for my grade)

idk if i explained it before but all of our necklaces represent how much theater we've done,,, bc its kinda like how long we've been at camp. theres a bead for each grade based on our class colors, and the tlt bead, so everyone gets at least 2. theres also beads for each of the past musicals and plays at school, and a black bead if youve done tech, and a white bead if youve done leadership :D some of the seniors have like most of their necklace filled because of how many shows theyve done

heres another cat pic to keep you engaged and reading this /hj

also also also many many thanks to my wonderful actor and tech friends i would not survive without them (especially thanks to tech bc they have to put up with us actors... /hj) its poseidon's actors first show i think and they have a LOT of quick changes so their section of the rack is,,, kind of a mess. also the lamp for the oracle scene has broken multiple times i think already... and i already left my make up bag out yesterday and my watch in the cubbies today TwT we are a hot mess

my graphic design teacher was acting today :D (the farmer in drive is a teacher role, and they switch out every night) and i love him being so absolutely perplexed by the energy circle before show :333

also i remembered to put setting powder on for the first time,,, and... i forgot that my mom is SO much paler than me TwT (i was very washed out...) so ill probably stick to spray for the rest of the week :P

sorry i really am rambling tonight...

ok i will probably hopefully do at least one more update after strike on sunday!! (depending on how tired i am,, i might just curl up on the floor and sleep after the sunday show actually...) unless something goes horribly wrong,,, then ill probably post about it too

good night!! i need to collapse in bed and try to save up enough energy for tomorrows show :3

have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! (or you'll die straight...)

#marble musings #tlt update

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projectjasper · 1 year ago

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What's your ideal Only Friends engame? Do you want them all to be friends, do you want the main couples to end up together?

i assume ur asking about interpersonal relationships specifically and not just in general what i want the conclusion to be, so

first of all, i'd have boston extracted from all their lives. and it's not because i dislike him, i just genuinely don't think he fits in with any of these people. his friends pretty much hate him and prior to all the drama the whole friend group kind of gave that "accidentally made a groupchat and got stuck together for the whole uni period" kind of friendgroup. zero genuine connection (apart from mew and chueam). as for nick and boston, they are both unhinged for sure, but in different ways that feel incompatible to me. plus, there's just too much bad blood there. best to simply move on with their lives. at the end of the day, i do think there have been a lot of teachable moments for boston throughout the series and when he finds a group of people he genuinely cares for, he won't be as selfish and hedonistic as he was before.

second of all, ray would also be far away from all his friends. he'd be dating sand, who would remain besties with nick, and ray would eventually become friends with nick as well, but i think it would be more of a "you're my boyfriend's best friend, so we are friends by association" kind of thing. both sand and ray would be good friends with yo in their own way and i think both of them would be quite sociable in general. i'm seeing a huge social circle and a nice group of friends.

nick, as i said, is absolutely not with boston and is besties with sand. otherwise, i'm sure he will eventually also find his own people and a romantic partner who wants the same things he does. unless daddy dan comes through, then i guess nick already found one of those things.

otherwise, chueam would obviously still be dating april, there isn't anything to discuss there. and she'd still be besties with mew, because they are the only two people in the friend group who actually like each other. mew and top are also endgame, which - i understand what you're asking here. my perfect endgame. whatever i want it to be. but mew and top are like math to me. 7×8 will always be 56, no matter how wrong and horrible that looks and sounds. they are bound together by forces beyond my control, even in a hypothetical where i literally control everything. i also reckon chueam would become genuine friends with top as well. even outside of him dating mew.

that about does it 🤷‍♂️

#and no i dont think thats how it will actually end btw #aside from the two endgame couples #i might be wrong tho #archer responds #anon

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mcflymemes · 2 years ago

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NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS PROMPTS * assorted dialogue from the 2007 film

maybe one day i'll wear this to a party i'm actually invited to.

this is the right place.

did no one read my book?

let me guess! it's the wrong time! it's the wrong place! i'm wrong again!

it could contain something dangerous!

we're in england.

you fell in love with me on a treasure hunt.

then fine! if that's what you want, then let's have it out right now!

i flew all the way to london to offer my help, and you don't need it?

if you were trying to convince me, you'd have less evidence and i'd already believe you by now.

concealed in those pages is the key to something much, much bigger.

that was not love! that was excitement! adrenaline! tequila!

you're the one making a scene right now.

i was going to have the movers bring them to you next week.

you know what that means.

you have his number on speed dial?

take it from the best. you're a natural.

that's very nice, but it's kind of a bad time right now.

you're so good at puzzles, i'm sure you'll figure it out.

i want you to do something for me.

death and despair. mostly death.

you guys are so great together.

i get lucky a lot.

all of you will get credit for this discovery.

it's a little golden man.

you're wrong to assume i'd like the chair.

your dad called me.

just promise you'll come back for me.

did you get a chance to look at page 47?

you're wearing the perfume i got you.

the fire alarm's gone off.

this doesn't involve another treasure hunt, does it?

well, would you look at that.

my first felony.

just because you may know what my answer is going to be, doesn't mean you don't have to ask me.

what is going on with the education in america?

the past is filled with incredible mysteries.

everyone listen to this.

what's the final clue?

even if something like that really did exist, why do you think i would actually just give it to you?

i was going to say you could keep them.

we gotta be on the other side of that door!

so when did you realize it was a fake argument?

you did that in twenty five seconds.

they want to believe it.

two hundred people know you held me against my will.

i'm gonna kidnap him.

you've got to find where that leads before they do.

you always seem to know what's best.

we won't leave you behind.

get out of there. i had to move the car.

just because i answer a question quickly doesn't make it wrong.

all i need is a few minutes with the president.

are you talking about the book?

god save the queen.

sorry. couldn't resist.

i need to see that book.

just have a look at that.

where's the phone?

that's what couples do.

my girlfriend kicked me out.

this could be a horrible trap.

oh, now look what you've done.

wait, is there more than one?

been drinking, have we?

nobody leaves unless i say so.

dismount the bannister!

you can do that?

what did you find now? atlantis?

when i assume i'm right, and it turns out my assumption is correct, how is that wrong?

one of us is going to have to stay behind.

we have thirty seconds to disable the alarm.

oh look. my tax dollars at work, coming to arrest me.

people don't believe in that stuff anymore.

there are three, actually.

so i guess my opinion doesn't matter.

that door's not gonna stay open by itself.

i can't find anything in this mess.

when you make a decision without asking me, and you happen to be right... you got lucky.

no, i'm just kidding.

is that for us?

the last time i checked, we make our living off crazy.

wouldn't it just have been easier to make an appointment?

i think it smells kind of pretty.

well, you never know.

we both know what has to happen here.

it's only temporary until i can find a new place.

the following conversation never took place.

when did you realize that i was actually arguing during the fake argument?

what book?

i'll drive.

one of us stays behind.

what's new with you?

that's not true.

someone else is after the treasure.

maybe you could come and move back in with me?

you think we don't know about it?

i've been doing the math here.

when you say "so" it means you're angry.

do you know the origin of the expression?

it's sort of like a puzzle.

history can remember you forever.

why would i overreact to that?

how'd they find us so quick?

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crazy56u · 11 months ago

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Whelp, I just woke up, and (without naming names) I just saw a reaction that I am 100% taking with a grain of salt.

Let’s take a look.

Okay, if they’re bringing up the chip subplot now after it supposedly got resolved, that’s not a good sign.

Also, Ben got fucked out of saving Hannah’s husband. And having seen the synopses for the last two episodes of the season [sidenote, NBC, ya gonna fucking announce a renewal or… …?], long story short, oof.

And we’re at a funeral reading in 1953, and Ben may or may not be the maid.

Okay, no offense, that vase looks like shit.

“Is this a joke?” I know, right?!

Oh, so Daddy was too busy being Indiana Jones to remember how money worked.

“To my fearless Dina-” “It’s Dean.” …misspelling, or deadnaming? Is this a trans plot?

A ship in a bottle, I don’t know if they make those anymore.

And it goes smash. …revealing a map; okay, Ben won this will reading.

Addison, why the fuck do you continue to have the shittiest timing

“Hey, I know we’re supposed to be working, and Ben just leapt in, but you wanna ditch this episode?”

Okay, legitimately, I couldn’t tell if Ian was wearing glasses or not.

“I planned a wedding once. That led to me burying a not-dead man’s belongings in the park; the cops are still nagging me to dig that shit up.”

Yeah, remember, you have jobs?

“Are you sure I’m not rushing you?” You want to get married a day or so after proposing. What do you think?

Like, not to make a controversial statement, but Ross Gellar at least had the foresight to wait a few months.

“Do not wait to live your life. Otherwise, time travel will fuck you over.”

And the horrible vase is dead.

San Patricio… Quick Google search gave me this little number, so my interest is peaked…

…okay, I don’t think Wikipedia mentioned cursed jewels, so fuck me, I guess.

Okay, wait, I just realized: is Sarah played by Veronica from Riverdale?

How much longer until they realize the Accelerator isn’t doing shit, and it’s Ben?

I agree: Family bullshit is less enticing than being Indiana Jones. But unfortunately, it’s this show, so you should already know the punchline.

“[Dean] is the key to all this.” Like how Horace was the key to Halloween Havoc.

I love the Kramer entrance Ben just pulled.

Teamwork makes the dream work, and maybe Veronica can stop bitching.

I love how Will Man is intentionally withholding the lore unless it’s for dramatic moments.

Okay, quick math time; 40 mill in 1953 would be about… almost half a fucking billion in 2024, so…

This looks less like Mexico and more like The Darjeeling Limited.

Who sings opera while biking?

Yes, that’s right, make Addison bring up the wedding now of all places…

“Hey, I know you’re talking to ghosts, but check out the map!”

Well, given how the priest killed for those jewels, blood probably did get on them, so he wasn’t wrong…

That wasn’t “fashion advice”, that was “we’re going on a treasure hunt, don’t overload the fucking suitcase” advice, Veronica.

“Okay, maybe let’s stop deadnaming and let’s get crunk.”

[Okay, how have I not noticed the producer is named “Meg Fister” until now?]

Yes, Jenn, Ian does want to do their job, that’s not a shock.

“Look, if we’re still pretending 2023- now 2024- is supposed to be 2026, then Addison and Tom can get married. That’s the law.”

[I will fucking laugh if my long standing theory pays out, and Ben undoes the time skip.]

“Hey, Rachel, I just said a sitcom line-” “Ian, we are fucked, they remembered the chip subplot.” “I thought we finished that!”

…is Tom a puppet?

And, in a rather appropriate cutaway, we go to the bar.

A bar is not a place to yell, pleas calm down.

“Nadia, where did you learn Spanish?” “From a person who speaks Spanish.”

I don’t like how the bartender is immediately in the know.

And that satchel is going to get taken in 5… 4… 3…

Ben, with that type of scratch, you can change all their fucking lives.

“And what are we doing?” Not looking after a satchel?

Why does their dad look like Santa?

And it’s now a race.

Ben, he was clearly lying about not believing the treasure was real.

Sarah, you don’t just get to decide to abandon the episode after fucking everything up.

“I have a very good memory, and I’m friends with a ghost.”

Sarah, if you hadn’t left the satchel, this wouldn’t be as bad, stop denying fault.

Meanwhile, back in Subplot 2.

Look, Ian, if it makes you feel any better, given how next week involves a leap into the 1980s, dealer’s odds Ben accidentally erases Gideon from the show.

Meanwhile, back to the treasure; this is a packed week for everyone, isn’t it…

Well, this is Indiana Jones coded, so one of you had to do the snake line…

“Well, I am not climbing down that.” Okay, die then.

Okay, you won’t drown, but if you slip, you will break something. Small miracles.

So the jewels are a metaphor- okay, if the plot twist is that the dad hid the jewels back home, due to “home being the real treasure,” I will piss blood.

“Some say it was Saint Patrick. Some say it was Santa.”

Okay, I thought that was gonna be a zombie.

Either bartender wanted to cover his tracks, or bartender is under those rocks.

“Is there another option?” Get to fucking digging.

Sarah, legitimately, stop being a bitch.

God is getting angry now, that’s how much we’re approaching the Family Bullshit Event Horizon.

Okay, that’s peak comedic timing. “THE ROCK’S FAKE! :D”

Dad’s pun fetish, I swear to God.

Stephen King had once again gotten his grubby mitts into an episode of Quantum Leap.

They found the prop wall.

That was not fucking funny, that got me.

…well, I mean, to be fair, the key to all great comedy is misdirection… 🥁

And of course.

[I choose to split this up now.]

#quantum leap #spoilers #the family treasure #friends #riverdale #OSW review #Halloween Havoc 1998 #Seinfeld #the darjeeling limited #the shawshank redemption #to be continued

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lampmanliveblogs · 1 year ago

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Pictured: Things going horribly wrong. Right on cue!

So, uh, it sure does sound like King is suggesting they kill The Collector. Especially with how he’s looking at that drawing. And I mean, he IS Eda’s son, and this wouldn’t be the first time she’s killed an enemy. That’s right Eda, I remember what you did, I know what you’re capable off.

But for real, I don’t think King is actually suggesting that. Which begs the question, what is it he’s suggesting? If sealing The Collector away* isn’t permanent enough, then what would be?

(*and if the implication is that King’s Dad had to sacrifice his own life to seal The Collector… well, King’s a baby. There’s a very real chance it’d just not work)

I toyed with a few ideas of how to defeat The Collector in-between season two and three, though I don’t think I ever talked about them. Or maybe I did? Regardless, one idea I had was for King to set up the game of Owl House in such a way that The Collector would lose. And then King would be like ”Ah, sorry buddy, the rules say that if you lose at Owl House you have to leave the planet forever and never come back. Bummer.”

The problem with that is two-fold. For one thing, it’d be a very impermanent solution, because unless The Collector is one of those magical beings that see every verbal agreement as a binding contract that they can never go against, there would be nothing to stop them from just coming back. Or not leaving at all. The other problem is that it would mean The Collector could go on to terrorize some other poor planet.

Another possibility is that King’s plan is to use his close connection to The Collector to… genuinely become his friend. Think about it, The Collector has the power to undo everything and return things to normal. You know, he can fix it all with magic, the sticks, the stones, the tragic. Of course, that’d involve teaching The Collector that people are people too and that you can’t just go turning people into puppets every time they do something you don’t like.

The thought even crossed my mind earlier, that by taking The Collector through a version of Luz’ adventures, maybe he was trying to teach The Collector some lesson on becoming a good person or something.

Basically, King is Steven Universe and The Collector is White Diamond, if White Diamond was also Steven, and Spinel. That probably makes no sense, but I swear, the math checks out in my head.

I mean, c’mon, look at that face! Is that really the face of a space cherub that couldn’t be redeemed through the power of friendship? After all, there is nothing more anime than the power of friendship, and as we’ve already established, The Owl House operates on anime rules. It is literally an isekai. ”The Time I Was Supposed to Go to Summer Camp but Ended up in Another World Where I Learned to be a Witch,” is, I believe, the working title for the upcoming light novel adaptation.

And tonight on”If The Collector has listened for a few seconds longer…” he’d’ve found out what I was (more or less) just saying.

King recognizes that The Collector is just a child, albeit a very powerful one, but that he can be reasoned with.

King says he can relate to The Collector, and yeah, I can see it. Not just because they’re both essentially gods, but, well…

Back in season one, King was still under the impression that he was the King of Demons and he saw others as inferior to himself. He’d try at every opportunity to assert some form of dominance and control people around him. Like the time he tamed Eda in her Owlbeast form to act as his enforcer… so he could rule over the playground and ruin all the other kids’ fun.

However, characterization marches one, and as he started learning more about his past, he realized he was never the King of Demons, he cut it out, and grew as a person. Imagine season one King finding out he’s the last living Titan vs late season two King finding it out. Season one King would take it as confirmation of his divine right to rule, whereas season two King took it more as sign of his role as a protector of the people of the Isles.

And while they’re not entirely the same, King and The Collector do parallel each other in some ways. King used to see himself above others, just like The Collector currently does. So King has to find some way to impart his own character development and growth into the Lord of the Fireflies. While also dealing with Philip, who is possessing Raine. Honestly, that shouldn’t be too hard.

Meanwhile, back on the ground, Kikimora is nettled. Like super nettled. I think the only thing that would make her mood worse was if she got ambushed by some upstart triclops.

You know what’s really impressive? Aside from the enormous energy blast Kiki used to nearly disintegrate Luz & Camila? The fact that Kiki’s able to maneuver the abomatron as well as she is with only a pair of levers to work with. Even the techno trousers had more controls to work with!

Aw shoot… things are about to get really emotional right about now, aren’t they?

Before that though, I feel the need to acknowledge some of the goofy stuff Camila’s apparently done. Road rage and joining pyramid schemes I can forgive, but scheduling your wisdom teeth surgery the day before you wedding!? You did not!

#the owl house #liveblog #the owl house liveblog #toh s3e2 #for the future

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bullshit-bulltrue · 1 year ago

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☆ hawk talk 8/14/23 ☆

so i found out that my school practically treats PDA as The Big Bad Sin™️

like literally in our handbook it says it is NOT tolerated under ANY means

so like

even if i had the courage to hug my friends

i fucking can't

unless the monitors aren't paying attention but like

what if one day i'm like crying in the hallway and my bestie sees me and wants to give me a hug

but like they can't 0_0

and vice-versa

FUCK

okie. anyway.

lanie is out of town visiting family :(

BUT I STILL GOT TO EAT LUNCH WITH SOMEONE

and if you've been following along, you would know the person i ate lunch with is Delgado

✨️✨️✨️

we'll go back to that in a sec, i promise (highlight of my day)

so since it was an odd day i went to history & geo first

so we get there and we have a debate on whether school should start earlier/same time or later

and i of course backed up my reasoning with evidence unlike everyone else

they're all dumbasses

and the sleezy hoebags behind me started trying to fuck with my hair

but then i hit one of them <3

so then mr. m had us go over the fire drill and where to go in case of smth happening during his period

so we went outside and lined up where we would in case of an emergency

and then the desk buddy bitch asked for the answers to a quiz and i gave her the wrong ones <3

so then that was it for history & geo

andddd it turns out that delgado passes the math room on his way to his next period so i have to make sure i don't look like utter shit BEFORE MATH TOO

i felt bad tho bc i almost hit him 😭😭

so when i was walking towards the math room my back was turned to him so i obvi didn't know it was him when he tapped me on the shoulder

and it scared the crap outta me cus the recent school day (last friday) some dick did that to me and i hit him

and i thought it was the same guy

but it wasn't, it was delgado <3

and he just wanted to make sure we were still good for lunch and this is how the convo went:

d: *taps my shoulder* hey so lunch today, right?

me: *puts fist down after i realized it was him* yeah!

d: oh and also what do you have for first period?

me: [insert history & geo teacher's name]

d: oh cool. where you going next?

me: math with Mr. H. right here *points at door*

d: *groans* i just came back from math. that's my first fucking period 🙄

me: *laughs* ahh it's my 2nd. well, technically 3&4 but ykwim (if you need me to explain the schedules lmk)

d: Okay well i gtg

me: yeah me too, see you in like an hour or some shit *smiles and waves*

d: *smiles and waves back*

sooooo

then math

these bitches at my table

are fucking horrible

i'm trying to do a placement exam

and they keep talking

like BITCH I DID NOT MAKE IT TO AN ACCELERATED CLASS JUST FOR Y'ALL TO BE THE REASON WHY I FAILED

TAKE YOUR ASSES AND CHEAT ON THE EXAM SOMEWHERE ELSE HOES

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT

"wElL Mr H sAiD wE CaN tAlK" "We ArEnT eVeN bEiNg LoUd"

SHUT THE FUCK UP

HE SAID WE CAN TALK ABOIT MATH AND UR LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YO UGLY ASS FACE

so that was fun.

oh and also Mr. H (the teacher) draws so we can like give him a photo and he'll draw like the outline and give it back to us to color and then hang it up in the room!! so i'm gonna ask him if he can draw Stitch or smth so i can color it and hang it in the classroom!

yk if i remember lol

oh and like towards the end of class i went to the bathroom to fix myself up a little bit™️ bc on odd days i have

✨️english class✨️

after math <3

so i put on my favorite lipstick and tamed my hair a bit more and just made sure my clothes looked alright and shit lol

i also cleaned up my boots too while i was at it <3

i love my boots so much

i want moreee

actually i don't want more

i NEED more

if i had the money, i would be a doc martens addict and i'd have hundreds of pairs

but alas

bitches are expensive

*sads*

okeu anywayy

i get back to class and these hoes are still talking about the girliest shit ever i literally was going to kill myself if i had to listen to anymore of it

so then we started packing up and then we left

AND THENNNN

ENGLISH CLASS TIME

so we all lined up outside the door bc the teacher wasn't in yet (Mrs. K)

and i tried to stand next to him (delgado) but this bitch got in line RIGHT before me so she was in-between us :/

but thats alr cus he sorts slowed down in line and i caught up so we walked in the room around the same time

and i was wearing a shirt with a Mexican food place and Mrs. K was like "oh my gosh that's my favorite Mexican restaurant in [insert location]!!" and i was like "yeah its pretty good. well, for white people cooking the food. the only real Mexican food you get is from Mexico, or your mamás kitchen" and delgado looked at me like he knew lol so that's when he sorta started catching on that I'm Mexican too

it's nice not to have to tell someone about my ethnicity for once and them figuring it out on their own

so yeah <3

and we had to finish these state mandated tests bc we got only like halfway done on friday

so me and delgado were writing each other notes and doodles to help keep ourselves awake and not fall asleep during that godforsaken fucking test 😭😭

so after we got done (we finished our tests around the same time lol) Mrs. K let us kinds do our own thing as long as we weren't disruptive

so i read DPS and he was playing some game on his Chromebook

and it was so funny bc he had his chromebook on mute but you can tell when he lost and stuff bc he would make a fist and be like "noooo" really quietly

idk

it was funny to me, at least

and there was someone's alarm going off and it sounded like the beep a bomb makes before it goes off

and ofc my mind immediately went to JD <3

and then me, delgado, baseball guy, and d's short bestie all looked at each other like "you hear that 👀"

and then me and delgado crossed ourselves and said "el padre, el hijo y el espíritu santo" but he said it in english lol

and like he's so sweet

so not only did he double check we were still eating lunch together in the hallway but he also asked again at the end of english class

ik it may not seem like anything to you but it means a lot to me

bc i'm always the one to make sure plans are still plans and i feel annoying for asking so many times and that i'm bothering the other person and it just feels nice to have someone else take the time to ask, yk?

so it also turns out our lockers aren't that far away from each other's so even though he's English Class Crush™️ he also qualifies as Hallway Crush™️

speaking of hallway crushes

yk Luca? his locker and also Mikey's (Michael, but we all call him Mikey) lockers are close-ish to mine

so yeah that's great/sarc

it is, in fact, not great.

BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CANNOT RISK LOOKING LIKE SHIT IN THE MORNING

i mean i make sure i always look somewhat good before i leave the house

BUT STILL

anyway

we go to lunch and his friend Alex comes along and im like ooo cool i get to meet his friend

and i sat down and saved us some seats while they went to get the food from the lunch people

so when they come and sit down i was hoping that i would sit next to delgado bc that was the whole fucking point of eating lunch with him

but Alex sits his ass right in between us

but like ig Alex is a protective friend or smth?? idk but like yeah i didn't take offense or anything bc id be the same way

we were stil able to talk tho <3

and anyway they come and sit down and the lunch for the 14th was grilled cheese

but lemme tell you

that, was in fact, not grilled cheese

it looked like two soggy pieces of bread with orange food coloring in the middle

that cheese? was NOT cheese

and i was like oh hell nah no way is Boy Bestie™️ eating whatever the fuck that government looking waste was

so i was like dude have what you want out of my lunch, there's no way you're eating that on my watch

and i was like hey Alex you can go ahead and eat my lunch too

so Alex took the dragonfruit and smth else i think

and delgado had the tortillas mi mamá packed for me

again, i wasn't hungry at all because i had thrown up earlier but i forced myself to eat something before i passed out

oh and forgot to mention

delgado fr said "AYYY MEXICAN STYLEEE" bc i had the tortillas wrapped up in tinfoil and some chorizo con papas y huevos and i was like "HELL YEAHHH"

idk if the white people understand this or not but like this was a bonding moment for us bc there aren't a whole lot of mexicans at our school

so like to see that we're apart of the same culture is really nice

oh and he was also like "my mom makes that like every morning!" and i was like "my mom made it yesterday and decided to pack me some for lunch!"

i would've given him like a fist bump or smth but i wasn't gon put my arm across Alex to get to delgado cus like

just no

so anyway sometime in the middle of lunch i was eating my food and then

poof

woosh

*shimmery sound effects*

THEY'RE GONE

I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHEN BUT THESE BITCHES JUST VANISHED

SO THEN I WAS LIKE NO NO NO I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 20 MINUTES WHYYY

but i didn't wanna move and go look for them bc not only are we not allowed to i also thought maybe they just needed to go the the bathroom

so i just sat there looking like a kicked puppy with sad eyes because i'm not fucking tall enough to look for them in the crowd of gross teenagers

so i just sit there and text my friend because when i lose my friends (and this has happened since elementary) i get really aggressive bc i get overstimed so yk i texted my friend to calm myself down

anyway

lunch over

i get my shit from my locker and head to gym

we go over where we will sit for attendance

and then we go over fire drill procedures and shit

and then we spend most of our time doing jackshit

and like the last 20 minutes of class coach was like okay you can play basketball with the boys orstand around idrc bc we only have a little but till the end of the day

so i channeled my inner white girl and just watched delgado play basketball

and like he's one of the only guys who actually knows how to fuckin play 😭😭

also this one kid got hit in the back of the head and fell straight forward and on his face like a looney tunes character

comedic gold right there

and at the end of phys ed me and delgado were walking the same direction bc our lockers are near each other's and it looks like we're gonna have lunch again on Wednesday since that's the next time i have 3rd lunch <3

so yeah i hope i was midly entertaining

it's 1:36am and i gotta get up at 6:30am so goodnight and sorry for not Finnishing this earlier, i got caught up in something

#☆ hawk talk

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what-if-nct · 2 years ago

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Tagged by @karetahana Thank you for tagging me hon🌸🌸💕

Are you named after anyone??

Kind of so my mom named me something completely different but my Grandma changed my name when she came to get me from the hospital. My first name was originally Jasmine but my Grandma changed it to Joyce cause it sounded like my Grandpa's name George. My middle name is a disaster cause my aunt chose it, its horrible and i hate and i want to change it to Jasmine. I do think Joyce fits me as a first name better though

When is the last time you cried??

Monday, the usual no one has ever loved me and never will, im fine.

Do you have any kids??

No unless my stuffed animals count.

Do you use sarcasm a lot??

Not often, sometimes.

What’s the first thing you notice about people??

Their hair, it's the first thing my eyes go to especially if it's like a bright color or a cool style.

What’s your eye color??

Brown.

Scary movie or happy ending??

Happy Ending. I just want everything to be like a Barbie movie and it works out perfectly. I didn't like the craft's ending because Nancy, Rochelle and Bonnie Deserved better. Like they didn't even do anything wrong, they were no where too taken over by power.. In this power point I will explain how Sarah was the actual problem.

Any special talents??

I can touch my head with my foot, I can even easier touch my nose with my foot, does that count? Is that a talent.

Where were you born??

Florida

Do you have any hobbies??

I collect dolls and I sew. the amount of clothes I've taken apart and sew into completely different things. I turned a long sleeve top into a spaghetti strap top and im really proud of it. I just never wear long sleeve tops unless its off the shoulder and cause it had a velvet cheetah print heart that said Bratz and cheetah print neckline I couldn't so I changed it and was able to keep the neckline intact also had to take it in cause it was pretty big in the waist.

Do you have any pets??

Yes, I have a sister. She's a good pet and I love her.

What sports do you/have you played??

I was a cheerleader and also did dance through middle and high school. Random story no one asked for I only learned to do a split out of spite because the head cheerleader while the coach was out went down the line to ask who could do a split and skipped me cause I was the biggest cheerleader. But I am unnecessarily flexible so every night I practiced doing a split and it took me like a week to do it. And I heard some of the other cheerleaders say I was only on the team to be a base. First of all I was the only bitch there with rhythm and who was good a choreography because I was also in dance. Like Just because I'm fat it doesn't mean anything. One thing about me, being fat has never stopped me from doing anything. The way other people treated me for being fat hurt as a child and was the sole reason I fell into depression and self harm. But I stopped caring what other people think a long time ago, like fuck everyone who has a problem with fat people that has nothing to with us. Their just fucking little bitches. I may have went on a tangent there.

How tall are you??

Legally 5'7 but I can't accept it so in my mind 5'8. Yes, an inch matters, my whole life was a lie.

What was your favorite subject in school??

Art and Dance, in 12th grade I had like almost all electives beside English and math and I didn't have PE! Like it was the best thing ever.

Dream job??

Princess, but like in the sense where I can wear a tiara and go to balls and be pampered but with out all the rules.

I tag @theficblog @hopeticket @dibidibidismynameisleeknow @joonsbonsailurks @jjongolese @jonghyuns-husband @ncityinthebuilding @farraige25 @simply-elegantly-kai @tremendousmasculinity , @kumigrlrl you dont have to do it if you dont want to and I also tag anyone who wants to do it.

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yoonyia · 3 months ago

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I feel so bad for dying over an 84

like it's not a horrible grade

it's a B by korean grading standards

which

uhhh

it could be worse

and its not like my science grades matter for the school I want to get into

and its my first ever school exam ever

nevermind it being in korean which I have horrible reading compherehension in (found this fact out far too late, realized it took me like 4 times the speed to read a korean book then others and I sucked and readings things correctly because I get the words fucked up AND ALSO I LACK SO MUCH VOCAB CAUSE I NEVER READ KOREAN BOOKS BECAUSE I WAS TOO SLOW AND NOW I READ TEST QUESTIONS WRONG)

I am not illiterate but man sometimes I think maybe I am cause how can I not realize what that was saying

I read a word called 분비관 which basically means "secretion tube" or something and it was a question on how hormones travel

and this stupid bitch assumed it was a synonym for blood vessels because I can't recall korean words very well so I just assumed blood vessels were called that in this context and I just missed it

IT WASENT THAT

I got 4 out of 26 questions wrong

it isn't even that bad

and its not like I studied that hard

I put the least amount of time into science

but that dosent mean I didn't try

I put in as much effort I thought was necessary to get 100%

but I forgot that part of test taking (or I guess I never knew because I never did tests before) is not just your knowledge of the subject but also your ability to understand questions and know what they're asking for

I cant read properly so I'm fucked

but still it's such a privileged asshole thing to say "I only got 84" and screaming and laughing in dispair when others are proud of their 78

it feels bad

I'm sorry

I have korean tomorrow and I have to get 100 or 90+ for it

I might very much die

and for math I'm just hoping I get 80+

I haven't done korean level math in 3 years I don't have a chance at getting 100 at all

myp math is so easy comparatively never go from one to the other you will lose all your math skills

I was litterally in this top percentile class in 6th grade and it was a 2 year study ahead class and I consistently was like 3rd~4th place out of the 11 people in that class

so like I don't think im too dumb for math

I just haven't done it in so long I lost all my foundations

nevermind having missed 2 years of concepts

which is a shame cause math does kinda matter for the school I want to go to

not to get in but to divide the rankings once you get in

I mean I guess that's the problem

you gotta get in first

I got 100 percent on my English so I just need to pass my finals 100 too and I'll be done

all i gotta do now is get really good korean and social studies grades

we don't a have a social studies test for the midterms

so this test now is just all korean

I really want to do well

I want to do exceptionally and wow everyone

but my dad told me sadly I'm no genius

and that with my lack of ambition and inherent careless nature (not as in lack of carefulness but the lack of value to the thing at hand) makes me not be able to do either my best or my most, so at the end of the day I probably won't wow anyone

not unless I drop their expectations of me to the floor

but most teachers can apprently smell clever so he told me not to do that

but from my experience if you just be super consistent with your lie no one bats an eye

there was this one korean class I purposefully acted like an idiot who didn't know anything in

and one time I wrote something that was my usual quality and the teacher thought I plagiarized it and I nearly died

people really don't know anything about you if you don't give them stuff to know about

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adhd-journey · 3 months ago

Text

This blog will probably be just me, talking to myself.

As this is the first thing I write on here, I will write some sort of introduction. Sorry for the serious tone but I feel like I don't take this as serious as I should if I actually want to get better and don't get me started on how other people treat this disorder.

I got diagnosed with ADHD this year in June, I think. I am not suprised by that, not one bit.

I could always tell there was something wrong with me. At first it was only socially: I would get in fights, a lot. I had a short fuse and people picked on me anyways, so I thought I had an excuse to scream and hit. Honestly, sometimes I think it saved me from being more meek and quiet. I never disliked my ability to be openly angry and I still don't but back then it was excessive.

Later, I noticed I wasn't good at certain subjects. I rationalized it by saying that I did not care about math or chemistry so I just didn't do it but looking back now I understand that I wasn't able to pay attention even if I wanted to.

My saving grace in school was that I was obsessed with reading, still am, and since my mum got me short stories by Oscar Wilde and Edgar Allan Poe when I was like 12, I got by easily. I loved geography, history and politics, so it kinda balanced out.

No teacher ever noticed that I was different and I don't think anyone cared, they just assumed I was kinda weird.

I cheated my way through school without ever studying or doing homework and finally fixed my behavior in high school, where I made some friends and dialed down the arguing a lot. I joined a political party and had to learn how not to be abrasive and more sociable. This was the first time I properly learned what ADHD was and I thought it fit but I assumed I was just projecting, so I forgot about it.

I remember telling some friends about that thought once and one of said it couldn't possibly be. Lmao.

When I had to actually study for my finals it turned out to be a nightmare. I physically couldn't. I still got good grades on some because I was allowed to ditch the subjects I didn't like but I felt dissatisfied.

It got worse as soon as I entered university. I thought it would get easier because I could finally do what I liked but it was hard for me to pay attention to my lectures, to do work, to study and write papers. I failed, so much, and I missed deadlines and had to re-do courses. I finally had to admit that something was wrong.

At home, too. Cleaning and other chores were hard. I called the ADHD help for my region but it never went anywhere. I was unhappy and assumed I was doing something wrong if I just "self-diagnosed" and read the ressources online.

Anyways, I was at a stalemate for a few years and changed my major but it barely did anything. Bit by bit I realized how I had to treat myself and how to be patient instead of hating myself for every mistake.

Finally, they put me on a list and I had to wait for a year. The psychiatrist is a very nice guy and listened. We did some tests. And he said that yes, I fit the criteria.

Now I am at that weird place where I am on meds and they do help, but I am still not doing as well as I want to. I have lost a lot of abilities I used to have. I was able to read for hours when I was younger but now it's very difficult (unless it's a fanfiction). Writing has gotten harder and I do not watch longer series anymore. I have trouble keeping my space clean and I am constantly procrastinating. My sleep schedule is horrible and I always feel terrible.

My therapist recommended doing mindfulness exercises but I forget to do them. I always say I want to improve the quality of my sleep but I never do it. So, I have decided to actually document my day-to-day progress.

I'll write down a list of overall goals in another post.

Everyday I want to write a log entry of what I did today. On Sundays, I want to look back on my week and see if I made any progress.

Sporadically, I want to just share helpful tips I have to manage ADHD and all that comes with it.

I hope I can keep up with that!!

#introduction

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