#unless it is almond milk

[spotlightstudios]

Me:Mm. Cereal with milk sure sounds good.

My tummy (which does not enjoy dairy anymore): You fool.

[nappingmoon]

guys my friend who works at dunkin insisted on making me try matcha when she makes it and oh my god this is one of the best things ever. i'm a convert!

[norikuna]

going to a cafe with the jujutsu kaisen men a/n: (based on irl experience with a wide variety of subpar men) 😭 gojo's order being my order...aurkay!

gojo — def the type to walk in and push his sunglasses down to check out the place. his order def goes something like a venti caramel macchiato with almond milk, two pumps of vanilla and two pumps of hazelnut, and a little caramel swirl at the top. smiles and is friendly to all the baristas, he's never rude to workers. tells the barista is gojo, with an o. whoever's unfortunate enough to be stuck next to him is doomed to hear him wax poetic about how coffee beans are the soul of the earth, and its 'really deep, you wouldn't get it lol'. if you order a black coffee, he'll ask if everything is okay at home. can't leave the cafe without ordering a $8.00 sweet treat and then wondering why all his purchases are adding up

geto — walks in as if he's a regular and tells the barista that he'll have his 'regular'. the barista has never seen him before. probably orders a flat white, double shot of espresso, no foam. he always says he doesn't have to pretend to like foam because he's chill like that. he'll ask for the wifi password, but only so he can show off how good he is at working in a cafe, but his ass is on coolmathsgames. will nod and pretend to care about whatever you're saying but he's still thinking about coolmathsgames. will also drop random metaphors like 'life is just like coffee. you either take it strong or with sugar.' you tell him to save the bad metaphors for his cult.

nanami — doesn't wander or hesitate when he enters the cafe. checks his watch every five minute. orders a black coffe, medium, and adds one packet of sugar. he's pretty good at ordering what he wants efficiently, and it leaves even the barista worried. he's here to relax so don't ask him any unnecessary question because this man needs a break. actually enjoys eavesdropping on people's conversations, and ends up tilting his angle to snoop on gossip better. avoids small talk like its another curse. you can't really make him react too much in a cafe, unless you spill coffee on his freshly pressed suit. will be passive aggressive and suggest that the cafe chooses better music. likes a good, dependable pastry. apple danishes are a favourite.

sukuna — prefers tea, without debate. but still orders relatively normal things. likes a good latte with chocolate syrup. but the king of curses kinda has to look cool, so he powers his way through a black coffee, with no sugar or milk. you swear his eyes are tearing up as he pretends to like it. after every sip of coffee, he sighs really loudly and it gets a bit annoying. even after you ask what's wrong, he says its nothing and continues to sigh loudly. nanami may be the one who eavesdrops, but sukuna is the one who interferes. will turn around in his chair to give unsolicited advice, but he genuinely thinks he's being helpful by telling schoolgirls to buy cleavers to chop their friends' hands off. is mildly offended when they move tables and give him weird looks. passes loud comments on other people and tells couples when he thinks they will breakup. attempts to connect to the wifi three times before threatening to burn the router.

toji — the barista asks if he wants a pastry with his drink and he asks 'do i look like the type of man to eat a muffin?' but if they're free, he'll take two. sits with his back to the wall like he's in a mob movie. god help anyone who sits too close to him, he really just doesn't trust anyone in his personal space. doesn't even acknowledge the existence of others until he's had at least three sips of his coffee. you could tell him his house is on fire, and he’d just mutter that he can't do anything about it now. types the wifi password on his phone with one finger like a caveman. tells parents to 'control their spawn' but entertains kids with coin tricks when no-one is looking. sometimes struggles to fit the lid on his go-to cup, and refuses to asks for help. wrestles with it for five minutes, getting increasingly annoyed before rushing out the door.

choso (this one is dedicated to pookie @creamflix) — frowns at the menu like it's written in an ancient language, like wtf is affogato. if someone behinds him coughs, he scolds them and says he's going as fast as he cans. spends 10 minutes deciding and then panics at the last second, tells the barista to give him whatever. if the barista asks any follow up questions (like milk preferences) he genuinely short circuits, "what kinds of milk are there?" he's genuinely baffled that there are options beyond 'cow.' he'll point at a pastry and ask what's in it. the barista explains and he replies with 'okay i trust you.' always ends up picking a wobbly table by accident and spends 15 minutes trying to fix it with folded napkins. if someone asks to share his table, he'll look like they just asked for his kidneys. if someone asks for his opinion on his pastry, its always a dumbass cryptic answer like 'its interesting.' uses his phone on full brightness and everyone can see him look up 'how to pronounce cafe au lait.' cleans up after himself because he's nice like that. if the staff get his order wrong, he never says anything even if it tastes like dirt.

[rubywillkins]

Mocha, hazelnut mocha, shot of espresso, almond and soy milk, Bruschetta, beef diced potatoes, Habenaro BBQ shrimp, Potato gnocchi, Ham carbonara, Sparkling water

Ln4 x fem reader pls!

Sure darling ♥️

Lando Norris |

One bed, No exit

Pairing Lando × female reader

Mocha enemies to lover(rival) hazelnut mocha only one bed shot of espresso Rough sex almond milk vaginal sex soya milk oral sex Bruschetta Edging beef diced potatoes "do you need to use your safe word, darling?" Habenaro BBQ shrimp "its my thigh or nothing, I'm not helping you get off" Potato gnocchi "shh, just look at me baby" Ham carbonara "its hot when you talk back" sparking water after care

The Monaco Grand Prix weekend had been as dramatic off the track as it was on. Lando Norris, the quick-witted and perpetually sassy Formula 1 driver, found himself sparring all season with his fiercest rival, Y/n . The two were infamous for their public squabbles, trading sharp words in interviews and pointed glares in the paddock.

That’s why, when Lando arrived at the hotel after a grueling day of practice sessions, the last thing he expected was to find y/n standing at the check-in desk looking equally annoyed.

“What are you doing here?” Lando asked, his British accent laced with mock horror.

“Checking in, obviously,” she snapped, flicking her dark hair over her shoulder.

The receptionist cleared their throat nervously. “I’m terribly sorry, but there’s been a mix-up. We’re fully booked, and… well, the only available room is a double that you’ll have to share.”

Y/n’s jaw dropped. “You must be joking.”

Lando smirked. “Oh, this is rich. Guess the universe loves irony.”

“I’d rather sleep in the pit lane than share with you,” she shot back, her brown eyes blazing.

“And I’d rather sleep on a bed of Pirelli tires, but here we are,” Lando retorted, tossing his bag on his shoulder.

After a lengthy standoff and some heated whispers, they reluctantly agreed to share the room—for one night.

The room was undeniably luxurious, but the centerpiece—a singular king-sized bed—made them both groan in unison.

“Great. Of course, there’s only one bed,” Lando said, flopping onto the mattress dramatically. “Looks like I win the bed lottery.”

Y/n crossed her arms. “Get up. I’m not sleeping on the couch.”

Lando propped himself up on his elbows, a mischievous grin on his face. “Well, I’m not sleeping on the couch either. So unless you’re planning to arm-wrestle me for it, I guess we’re sharing.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “Fine. But stay on your side.”

“Darling, if I cross the invisible line, you have my full permission to smack me,” Lando quipped, winking.

By the time Y/m emerged from the bathroom in her tank top and shorts, Lando was sprawled on his side of the bed, scrolling through his phone with an exaggerated look of disinterest.

“Try not to snore,” he said without looking up.

“Try not to talk in your sleep,” she shot back, sliding under the covers.

“Why would I need to talk? You’d argue with me even in my dreams.”

“Good night, Lando,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Sweet dreams, darling,” he replied, his voice dripping with mock sweetness.

The silence stretched as they lay in the dark, neither able to sleep.

“Do you ever stop talking?” Y/n finally said, breaking the stillness.

“Do you ever stop pretending you hate me?” Lando countered, turning to face her.

Y/n blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” he said, smirking. “You’ve been mad at me since day one, but let’s be honest—you don’t hate me. You just hate that I’m better at banter.”

She let out a disbelieving laugh. “Better at banter? You think that’s what this is about?”

“Absolutely,” he said smugly. “And maybe because I look better in a race suit.”

Y/n sat up, narrowing her eyes at him. “You’re insufferable.”

“And yet, here we are. Sharing a bed. Life’s funny, isn’t it?”

The corner of her mouth twitched despite herself. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re gorgeous when you’re mad,” he said softly, the playful edge in his voice giving way to something more sincere.

She froze, caught off guard by the shift in his tone. For the first time, the teasing melted away, leaving something raw and unspoken between them.

It started with a kiss—tentative, questioning—but it quickly spiraled into something far more consuming. Months of biting words and unspoken tension came to a head as they gave in to what they had both been too stubborn to admit.

Lando made you sit on his lap... You both were in lotus position... You were half naked at this point.. and he was just in his boxers..

He both were kissing each other like there is no Tommorow... His one hand on your ass.. pressing your clit and dick... You can feel his alredy hardening dick... It was hot.. I mean he was hot.. you were burning hot..

His another hand unclasped your bra... And than he teared your panty... "Lando what... Did you do? You said a bit annoyed still enjoying the moment and his hand massaging your breast..

"shh, just look at me baby". he removed his boxers and inserted his whole dick in to your pussy... You nearly gasped... "Lando... Argh.."

"put me off..it hurts"..

"its my thigh or nothing, I'm not helping you get off"

He said thursting in to you hard... He was pounding into you like his life deoends in it...

He puts you the bed a bit roughly and inserted into you again this time in missionary..

"do you need to use your safe word, darling?"

He said with a teasing smile on his face more

like smirking...

" yea it's fuck Lando" you said while sinking your nails on his bare back... enjoying the pleasure...

"its hot when you talk back" "but now you have to pay back" he said while pulling his dick from you just when you were about to come... " Lando no... Put it in again.. I need you so bad"

You said pleading for orgasm..he put it again and the whole show starts again... But its lando obviously he won't let you cum again...

"lando stop...just let me cum pls"

"Are you sure? You wanna cum?" He said still in a teasing tone... "Yea..." Even before you could complete the sentence he inserted you.. he started poundinh into you roughly... He was fast very fast.. you were a moaning mess by this time...

"argh... Lando it feels so good"

And finally you came.. but he won't left you so easily.. he licked you...from above to down...every part of you. From head to toe.. from breast to your clit.. like hungry man.. he licked your pussy... And cleaned your cum from his mouth...

And than.. he kissed you again.. this time it was soft and gentle...

Y/n traced lazy circles on Lando’s chest, her mind reeling. The biting arguments, the sharp jabs—they all seemed so distant now, replaced by something softer, something fragile and uncharted.

Lando’s hand slid along her back, his touch light and soothing. “You okay?” he asked softly, his usual sass replaced with genuine concern.

She looked up at him, surprised. “Yeah. I’m… I’m fine.”

He tilted his head, studying her. “You don’t sound convinced.”

Y/n rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. “I just… I didn’t think this would ever happen. You and me. It feels… surreal.”

Lando propped himself up on an elbow, his expression serious for once. “Well, surreal or not, I’m glad it did. And I’m not about to let you overthink it.”

He slipped out of bed, grabbing one of the plush hotel robes hanging by the door. “Stay there,” he said, wagging a finger at her when she made a move to sit up.

“What are you doing?” she asked, amused.

“Taking care of you, obviously. Sit tight.”

She watched as he disappeared into the bathroom, returning a moment later with a warm, damp towel and a bottle of water.

Lando perched on the edge of the bed, gently brushing her hair back as he wiped her skin with the towel. His touch was tender, his usual teasing nature replaced with a quiet focus.

“You don’t have to do this,” Y/n murmured, her voice soft.

“I know,” he replied, grinning. “But I want to. Besides, if I don’t, you’ll probably hold it against me next time we’re on track.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet, here we are,” he quipped, handing her the water.

After making sure she was comfortable, Lando slipped back under the covers, pulling her close. His hand traced gentle patterns along her arm as she rested her head against his chest.

“Lando?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re… not what I expected.”

He smirked, his hand pausing. “Oh, don’t tell me I’ve ruined your image of me as an insufferable idiot.”

Y/n chuckled, nuzzling closer. “A little bit.”

“Good,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Guess I’ll just have to keep surprising you.”

The tension that had once defined them was gone, replaced by something new. It wasn’t perfect—neither of them were—but for the first time, it didn’t matter.

Lando’s voice was soft as he whispered into the quiet room, “Good night, Y/n”

She smiled against his chest, her fingers lacing with his. “Good night, Lando.”

The rivalry would always be there, but now, it came with something else—a connection neither of them had seen coming, but neither of them could deny.

[ethereacals]

“you’re too sweet for me”

summary; you partially own your mums coffee & flower shop, so it’s no secret that you’d have a little (big) work crush on a boy whom you only know from his signature on the receipts.

ships; poly!marauders x fem!barista!reader

contents; mild language, reader has long enough hair to tie up into a ponytail, sirius is a flirt

a/n: this is so short but i needed to write something having to do with this song!! part two anyone??

YOU HAD A LOT OF ENERGY for 5:30am.

thirty minutes until opening, you tied your hair up into a pastel pink ribbon.

the soft and crisp spring air pooled into the shop from the open windows, as you set some fresh flowers at your counter.

“ready for opening, dear?”

“yes, mum!”

you responded.

she had certainly noticed your level of chipperness in the mornings had doubled since you started working there, probably because of the young man she’s seen you conversing with every morning at exactly 7:42 am, which was when he always came in.

unless the boy was sick, or busy he’d be in the shop atleast once a day.

“can’t make coffee to save my life, you know?”

he’d always insist.

you heard the bell on the door chime, alerting you of the first guest.

“hi, welcome in.”

you turned around to spot him, and two other boys. odd.. he usually comes in alone.

“new friends, hm?”

you teased, leading him to smile brightly.

“no, they just don’t wake up early enough.”

you nodded, grabbing your pen and paper.

“what can i get for you?”

you were surprised how well you kept your cool, i mean— the other two boys were almost as good looking as he was, and it really made you question yourself.

“i’ll have my usual, darling.”

Sirius— atleast that’s how you thought his name was pronounced— leaned against the counter smugly, as his tall, lanky friend scoured the menu.

“can i have the iced caramel mocha, please?”

the slightly less tall, messy-haired brunette with circular glasses smiled sheepishly.

“do you have almond milk?”

“mhm.”

“okay… can i have an iced matcha green tea latte with almond milk?”

the lanky one finally asked.

“of course, can i get a name for each?”

you fidgeted with the pen in your hand softly.

“Sirius, James, and Remus.”

“how are their names so hot???” “god y/n… you dirty slut, you should not be thinking this way about customers.”

“….your drinks will be ready soon.”

you flashed a small teethy smile as you rushed to go make their drinks.

you brought their drinks out on a tray, and set it down on the table.

“enjoy your coffee.”

you smile softly and begin to walk off.

Sirius gets up to pay, and pulls out some cash.

“there you go, love. amazing as always.”

he winked, and you desperately tried to keep your composure.

“any time.”

he signed the receipt, and as you grabbed his change. you decided to make a bold move.

besides, would him and his gorgeous friends really call the local baristas number she left on the check?

the answer was yes.

[kcrossvine-art]

Hi friends! Just a day after this years Yule and a few days out from Christmas, regardless of what you celebrate during this winter months, we're gonna be cooking a tangy tango between two traditional english staples-

Yule Plum Pudding and Wassail from Lord of the Rings Online!

(You can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Yule Plum Pudding?” YOU MAY ASKPlum Pudding is not a "pudding" as us americans think of it; its closer to a fruitcake but less shit.

Cranberries

White raisins

Macerated prunes (in brandy)

Chopped candied peel

Blanched almonds

All-purpose flour

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Cloves

Sugar

Breadcrumbs

Lemon zest

Unsalted butter

Eggs

Whole milk

Half a bottle of brandy

It also doesnt contain any capital-P plums! it actually does contain plums im so fucking stupid i never connected the dots that prunes were dried plums oh my god. But they still ued any dried fruit, and "Plum" here is just referring to any dried fruit. And what about the birth of todays wassail?

4 cooking apples

2 pears

Brown sugar

Cinnamon sticks

2 lemons

A bottle of sherry

The other half bottle of brandy

Wassail is very similar to apple cider drank in the fall, with a few differences like the addition of pears and different alcohol source. It was commonly drank while "wassailing" which was a Yuletide predecessor to christmas carolling. People would go door-to-door with a big bowl of wassail, play music, and give well wishes- offering drinks from the wassail in return for small gifts!

AND, “what does Yule Plum Pudding and Wassail taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

The puddings like a fruitcake but if a fruit cake tasted good and wasnt a brick

Its thick and rich, and somehow actually tastes like plum despite that not being intended or making sense

I love the macerated prunes so much. Juicy berries to forage for. Enrichment

The icings reminiscent of buttercream but more savory than sweet

The wassail is like drinking the golden edges off the clouds at sunset

Its got a little bit of the dryness from the sherry that makes your mouth water the moment you stop drinking it

You just want to keep drinking more to sate yourself

Even without eggs its surprisingly full bodied and thick

I had to make a few substitutions from traditional elements due to either being not available or too expensive, but with a little problem-solving nothing was too hard to do.

. Used a bundt cake pan instead of a pudding tin .  Suet (animal fat) was historically used for plum pudding. I couldnt find any and used butter instead . Used golden delicious apples when called for . Used concorde pears when called for . Some wassail recipes fold in egg whites before serving, to make the drink creamier. I didnt do this, but if you do, the recommendation to drink it fresh still stands (and strongly)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I gotta admit, I was nervous approaching this recipe. Not only because I didn't own and couldnt find a "pudding tin" without ordering online, or because the concept of steaming a pastry(?) feels foreign and odd, but also because of how old and storied this dish is. You always run into the issue with historical foods who date back to the times where oral history was the only history. The issue of people being combative that their recipe is the only true variant of the recipe, and all the others are mucking the whole thing up.

Its good to remember that like with most dishes, cooking is something that evolved and continues to evolve overtime. Unless someones trying to rewrite history and claim that ants on a log is a creme brule in which case you should run them over with a '98 Pontiac Sunfire.

Theres a few things I'd do differently when cooking again, like chopping the blanched almonds. They were a bit too big when left whole. And adding some amount of heavy cream to the icing? Maybe? To give it a fluffier/milkier feel? But the proces of cooking itself was very straightforward and I have no real complaints or modifications to make. When having leftovers of the pudding it did seem to "mature" and taste better and better the more days i kept it in the fridge, so thats something to keep in mind! But it tastes great a day after all the same.

I give this recipe a solid 10/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Happy winter everyone! Congrats to another year of staying alive!

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Yule Plum Pudding Ingredients:

16oz cranberries

12oz white raisins

9oz macerated prunes

4oz chopped candied peel (any fruit)

2oz blanched, chopped almonds

4oz all-purpose flour

Measure spices with your heart (cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves)

8oz granulated sugar

8oz fresh white breadcrumbs

lemon zest (one lemon)

4oz grated unsalted butter

4 eggs

8oz whole milk

Pudding Icing Ingredients:

1½oz unsalted butter

1½oz all-purpose flour

10½oz whole milk

3oz granulated sugar

2 tablespoons brandy

Yule Plum Pudding Method:

A week before making, macerate your prunes in brandy.

Mix together all the dried fruit, peel, and almonds. Sieve flour and spices together then add to the fruit mixture along with the sugar, breadcrumbs, rind, and grated butter.

Beat eggs and then blend with 8oz of milk.

Stir the egg/milk mixture to incorporate into the dry ingredients. Add prunes, and stir some more.

Put batter into a well-buttered pudding basin, with parchment paper to cover.

Get a large pot and place a kitchen towel or something similar at the bottom- then place the pudding basin on top of the towel, inside the large pot.

Fill the outer pot with water until it’s halfway up the side, cover the pot with a lid (or foil).

Steam on the stovetop at 210f for 4-6 hours depending on size of pudding basin. If the water gets too low, add a bit more.

After steaming, uncover and allow to cool to room temperature. Do not remove it from the pudding basin! Cover with fresh parchment paper and foil and store in a cool, dry place for at least a day.

(optional) to reheat; steam for 40-80 minutes, until warmed through.

Pudding Icing Method:

Place butter in a medium saucepan with the flour, pour in the milk then whisk everything vigorously together over a medium heat.

As soon as it comes to simmering point and has thickened, turn the heat to its lowest setting, stir in the sugar, and let the sauce cook for 10 minutes.

Add the brandy and stir to mix. Keep warm until required.

Wassail Ingredients:

4 cooking apples

2 pears

Brown sugar

4 Cinammon sticks

2 lemon

1 bottle of Sherry

½ bottle of Brandy

Wassail Method:

Core the apples and pears, leave the rest intact, and set in a baking pan. Fill the hollow centers with brown sugar.

Add about an inch of water to the pan and bake at 350f for 30 minutes, or until the fruit is soft.

Move the fruit to a large pot, add a bottle of sherry, half a bottle of brandy, lemon peel, and 4 large cinnamon sticks. (Feel free to use less booze!)

Bring the pot to a simmer for about 45 minutes, stirring occasionally. Strain before serving!

[crypticenbug]

I'm a barista in my day-to-day life, and my brain is currently full of bees at the moment so I am subjecting you to what twitter already had to see:

All of the different Papas and what they get at their local coffee shop:

Nihil (Younger): He would get black coffee and insist he likes it but he actually thinks it's gross, but he refuses to get anything else cause it's cheap and he thinks it makes him look cool

Nihil (Older): Extra hot hot chocolate with 9 pumps of chocolate syrup, 3 pumps vanilla, no foam and a mountain of whipped cream (This is an actual order that a regular of mine gets. She's like 90 so her RN comes in for her). He's too old and dead to care about the amount of sugar he's consuming, that's Sister's problem now

Sister (Younger): She actually likes black coffee but only ever gets it out of convenience. If she's at a coffee shop, she's gonna get a latte, usually hot, and she will cycle through sugar free vanilla, mocha, hazelnut, and caramel. She's a classy lady who likes classy flavors, though she wouldn't mind a cold brew or shaken espresso from time to time.

Sister (Older): Her tastes on coffee kinda stay the same but she drinks a lot more tea now, goes for decaf more often and doesn't branch out as much. She starts enjoying cappuccinos as she gets older

Primo: He also drinks a lot of teas, but if he does get coffee it's gonna be black with a little room for cream and sugar but not a whole lot cause he enjoys trying to pick out the flavor notes of the coffee like he's at a wine tasting.

Secondo: His order will always be a hot french vanilla latte and if the shop doesn't have french vanilla he does hazelnut, idk why his coffee order came up so easily for me he reminds me of a regular I have

Terzo: Only brother who gets iced coffee year round, and he is NEVER consistent with his order besides the fact that it's an iced latte with some sort of flavored syrup. Loves asking his barista to surprise him and he always ends up loving the drink. Isn't lactose intolerant but doesn't like the texture of dairy milk so he gets a lot of alternatives and has gone through every one to pick one he likes. Right now it's almond milk

Cardinal Copia: Doesn't go to coffee shops very often but when he does, he gets something from the bev case and a cup of ice or he asks about any seasonals. Not a huge fan of coffee unless it is so sweet it would give someone a heart attack. Much like Terzo he hates the texture of dairy milk, he seems like the type to prefer soy

Papa Copia: Still enjoys seasonals, but so far his consistent order has been a pumpkin white mocha or a peppermint hot chocolate, both kids temp. Yes he wants whipped cream, what do you take him for?

Frater Imperator: Still hates bitter coffee, but has actually developed a taste for it now, enjoys whipped cream but keeps forgetting to ask for it until he gets his drink and takes a sip

(Lmk if y'all want my nameless ghoul coffee shop headcanons)

[stardust-swan]

My current perfume layering routine:

(I'm going for light and sweet roses and vanilla for the summer, but with a slight exotic twist)

Wash with sandalwood soap (I leave it sit for a few minutes because sandalwood is good for your skin)

Wash again with Imperial Leather Rose Milk and Mallow shower gel

Massage Palmer's Cocoa Butter Oil into my body while it's still damp (it smells like soft vanilla)

Moisturise with Nivea Rose and Argan lotion

Apply rose oil on my pulse points

Then spray perfume on top of the rose oil. My current favourite is Fatima Pink by Zimaya, which is a really really close dupe of PDM Delina and lasts for ages (if you like Delina but don't want to pay €260 and don't mind using a dupe I'd def recommend this for €40, it's the same scent and longevity in a different bottle). It smells like sweet, light roses, a bit fruity, and to my nose it smells kinda like Turkish Delight.

I'm also:

Using Jurlique rose hand cream every time I wash my hands

Washing my hair a couple times a week with As I Am coconut cowash, shampoo, and leave in conditioner (they smell like coconut and Shea butter)

Oiling the ends of my hair daily with L'Oréal Elvive Extraordinary Oil (love the smell of this, and it also just glides on and softens the hair without looking greasy)

I also have been using honey peel masks, honey and almond sheet masks, oil pulling with coconut oil, applying Glossier birthday balm throughout the day and Klavuu rose lip treatment morning and night, massaging my scalp and hair with a mix of hot argan oil, black castor oil and jasmine oil once a week, and massaging argan oil into my face, lashes and brows at the end of my skincare routine (but nobody will be able to pick up on these scents except for me unless they're way too close lol)

Roses are in bloom at this time of year, and are classically feminine and elegant. Vanilla is also feminine and adds warmth and sweetness. Sandalwood is woody, exotic, and calming, while coconut is tropical, sweet and nutty, perfect for summer. Which is the vibe I want to evoke this summer - feminine, sweet, and summery, with some exotic allure.

[master-of-humiliations]

An Old Project of Mine...

There was a girl I was working with some years ago, for some years, on hypnotizing and bimbofying her, or more accurately, making her into a perfect cow.

To start with, she was a C-cup, A-B student with multiple honors classes, and was a switch, submissive to men, dominant to women. She was an avid roleplayer, as she couldn't get the itch scratched IRL due to a lack of community, hence how we met online.

It started slowly, nightly audio tracks for her to sleep to, seep the messages into her subconscious mind, cam sessions to keep her nice and happy in the mean time!

Eventually, we started on the physical changes. Changing up her diet to include foods such as almonds, eggs, cheese, and milk, as well as some name brand lactation-inducing medication she included into her meals and drinks.

The first change to happen was her starting to have difficulty reading. It started bit by bit, where she would lose sentences and have to go back, but eventually got to the point where she fully lost the ability to focus while reading, losing the ability to roleplay in the process and having to fully rely on our cam sessions for any sort of relief. She ended up dropping out of school for failing.

Second thing to change, was the change from a switch to a full-on sub with no desire to dominate, unless it was, as we discussed, a "fellow cow to help teach the ropes".

Third, and this took the longest, was the gradual increase in bust size. She went up to a DD cup, and at her peak of lactation when she was properly hydrated, could produce half a cup. She leaked constantly, usually keeping pads under her bra or shirt when ordered to go braless.

Fourth change was the most fun, in my opinion. She started to get desperately masochistic. We were planning on how to get here from there to here, and as it would be a multiple-day drive, she insisted that I fist until her holes were ruined the night we'd be at a hotel/motel. Another cam session, she wanted orders for nipple torture, all quite fun!

There was one moment deep in the hypnosis where her old self peaked through, and was utterly terrified that she was failing every class, couldn't stop mooing, and had a hard time reading, but the new her returned fairly quickly. Was rather amusing, honestly.

Unfortunately, this story doesn't have as happy an ending as you'd hope. She had a mental break and completely ghosted without warning, so... the long and short of it is, make sure, if you go down this path, your mental fortitude is either strong enough to endure, or weak enough to crumble completely.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Found one of those multiverse hopping gadgets and I have been hopping across the multiverse. So here are some of the highlights

-Found a universe where Almond milk was the most common type of milk. Drinking animal milk was seen as super weird. Their latte's sucked

-There was a universe where left handed people were the majority, (Now that one was a trip)

-There is a universe where DragonBall didnt exist. Anime ended up being so Boring there unless you were into the Magical Girl Genre

-There was a universe where Italy never discovered noodles. (It was a hellscape)

-There was a world where Morgan Freeman was president.

-There was a universe where Pokemon were actually created. But they act like actual animals so would NOT recommend going there.

-There is a world where Genetic surgery was common place... a lot of Furries.

-I searched countless universes to try and find my Evil universe counterpart, but I couldnt find him, all of the other universe me's were really chill. One was even a voice actor.

If anyone has any questions, I can probably answer them. Though The device only has like 30% battery and I have zero idea how to charge it.

[after-witch]

I won't accept living with yandere Chrollo unless he buys me a milk frother so I can froth every dairy or non-dairy substitute drink I consume for the rest of my life

iced coffee without frothed sugar free creamer on top? nope.

hot chocolate without frothing that bad boy up so it's creamy as heck? nahhh.

almond chocolate milk without adding a dash of whipped cream and frothing it so it has the consistency of a thin milkshake or to be very specific a Yoohoo? not fucking happening, buddy.

Chrollo, when I whip the frother out of my purse at a restaurant dinner date I got for good behavior: Oh, the angels weep--

[hearts-hunger]

Read on AO3 | Masterlist

Summary: Back at the haunted house in the off-season, Danny and the boys are working on repairs to the set. You're still a scaredy-cat, and Danny's still your biggest fan. || Sequel to Kitkat

Pairings: Danny x Reader | Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort | Word Count: 6k | Warnings: anxiety, general Halloween spookiness

A/N: Danny and Kitkat are back!! When I first introduced them, I was so humbled and delighted by how much you guys loved them. I hope this sequel does justice to how much love you've lavished on them, and I hope you love it too! ♡

Can you make it through the woods of horror? Enter if you dare!

You smiled to yourself as you passed the signs along the winding country road, watching each slogan become more and more threatening the closer you came to the most highly rated haunted house in your state. They didn’t seem very ominous in the golden light of late afternoon; despite their menacing promises of terror and danger, you found yourself looking forward to reaching the place they advertised. 

Of course, that hadn't been true the first time you came down this road nearly two months ago; that night, you’d already worked yourself into an anxious spin just reading the signs before you’d even stepped foot on the property. Still, it had worked out alright in the end; so well, in fact, that you had willingly made many trips back despite being the biggest scaredy-cat in the world.

Finding a parking spot in the near vacant, grassy lot was easy enough, and you carefully juggled the drink carrier out of the passenger seat and started the walk into the woods. The trees were a wash of vibrant color, fiery reds and oranges and yellows; the sunshine came dappled through the leaves, rays of honey-golden warmth on the path. You took a deep breath of the crisp air as you held the armful of coffees close, thankful for their cosy warmth against your chest as you walked.

After a few minutes of leisurely walking, using the shortcuts that Danny and the guys had shown you, you reached the gate that led to the set and couldn’t manage to open it just by pushing your hip against it. You knew the boys couldn’t be far; you heard strains of their conversation mixed in with the sounds of repair work being done. You got a better grip on the drink carrier, careful of the precarious ones on top, and called to them.

“Honey, I’m home!” you said, making your voice carry. “I have your presents!”

You heard jogging footsteps come up the path, and a second later, Sam rounded the corner. He opened the gate for you and gave you a sweet smile.

“Hey, kitkat,” he said. “Glad you could make it.”

You smiled. “Thanks,” you said. You nodded to the topmost coffee. “Yours is the one on top. Oatmilk, right?” You had the sudden thought that you might have gotten it wrong and felt terrible. “Unless it’s almond milk you usually get and I totally messed it up.”

“No, you didn’t,” he said quickly, taking it from you. “Oatmilk’s perfect, thank you. It’s really nice of you to bring us coffee, kitkat.”

“I figured you could use a little treat after working so hard all day,” you teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure. Jake and Josh have spent more time writing music than repairing the set, but yeah, we’re working hard all right.”

You laughed as you started to walk with him towards the set the guys were working on. “You don’t think they can multitask?”

Sam grinned. “Have you met them?” He shook his head. “I mean, they’re writing some good stuff, so I guess I can't complain. But we’re also trying to get these sets repaired before Christmas.”

“What does Danny think?”

“Oh, you know Dan. He’s totally in the zone. He’ll have the whole place looking like Buckingham Palace by the end of the day.”

You smiled. “If Buckingham Palace was haunted.”

He laughed. “You’re getting the idea.”

The set was only a short walk from the gate, and when you reached it, you took a moment to look over the swampy pirate shack that looked much less threatening in the daylight than it had every other time you’d seen it. The boys had asked for overtime after the season was officially finished, getting a list of sets and props from the owners that needed repairs or new paint or just a little bit of cleaning. They'd been working their way through the woods for a few days, and when they were finished with the outdoor sets, they’d tackle the crown jewel of the haunted house up on the hill.

You noticed with amusement that Sam had been right about his brothers; they were working, putting a new coat of paint on the “beware of alligators” sign and the accompanying reptilian skull, but they were rather passionately working on the lyrics for a new song while they did. It was probably a good thing that the paint job could be passed off as “artistically sloppy” to fit with the ramshackle aesthetic.

“Here, glimmer twins,” you said, handing them each a cup of coffee. They gave you a pair of matching smiles.

“Aw, thanks, kitkat,” Jake said. He touched up a drip of red paint to make it a little more grisly. “How’s it looking?”

“Scary,” you said cheerfully. “How’s the songwriting?”

Jake laughed. “Good, actually. Too bad Josh isn’t as good at painting as he is at coming up with lyrics.”

Josh pointed an accusing paintbrush at his twin. “I’m terrific at painting, Jacob.”

Jake gave him a dry smile. “Start doing some, and then we can talk.”

“I’ve been painting all morning!” Josh said, gesticulating with the paintbrush again and sending drops of paint flying.

“Hey!” Sam protested. “You’re getting paint everywhere.”

“You could use a little paint on you, Sammy,” Josh teased. “The only reason you’re all pristine is because you’ve been too busy not painting to actually get anything on you.”

“Now, Josh, them’s fightin’ words,” Sam said in an exaggerated Texas twang. He took another paintbrush from the bucket and twirled it like a cowboy would spin his pistol. “This shack ain’t big enough fer the two of us.”

Smiling to yourself, you left the brothers to their playing and painting and bickering, walking around to the other side of the pirate shack to find your boyfriend. You followed the sound of a hammer and found Danny working on the porch, straddling the railing as he reached to put nails in a beam along the underside of the tin roof.

“Hey, Dan,” you called up to him. He didn’t answer, and you noticed he had earbuds in. You came closer and put your hand on his thigh.

He stopped hammering and looked down at you, his face breaking into a handsome smile when he saw you.

“Hi, honey,” he said, surprised and happy. He paused his music and put his earbuds in his pocket. “I didn’t know you were here yet.”

You felt yourself blush a little under the affection in his gaze, the warmth of his smile as he looked at you. Nearly a month after you’d made it official, you still got butterflies from how clearly he loved you and enjoyed your company.

“Here I am,” you said, almost shy. “What were you listening to?”

“Palomino,” he said. “First Aid Kit.” He kept one hand on the railing as he leaned close to kiss your nose. “I’m glad you’re here, kitkat.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of you, endeared to how sweet he always was to you. You presented him with your gift. “I brought you some coffee.”

“Aw, thanks honey,” he said. “Can you hold onto it for me until I’m done? I just have a couple more things to hang, and then I can take a break.”

“Can I stay with you while you do?” you asked, not wanting to be a bother while he worked. “I promise I won’t get in your way.”

He chuckled. “Of course you can stay.” He left his work for a moment to brush off the porch’s top step for you. “I’ll only be a few more minutes.”

You sat on the step and sipped your coffee, thankful for the warmth of your sweater as a chilly breeze fanned through the woods. Danny wore a long sleeved black shirt and jeans; you allowed yourself a long, pleasant moment of admiring how he looked in them, big and strong and limber, particularly enjoying the way the hem of his shirt rode up as he reached to hang decorations on the nails. His backwards baseball cap was the finishing touch on his mop of curls, and you liked to watch him focus on his work and look very handsome doing it.

“How’s it been going so far?” you asked.

He didn’t answer right away, and you thought maybe you should save conversation for when he was done. 

“Is it distracting if I talk?”

“No,” he said, making sure the bear trap prop he was hanging was secure before looking over at you. “Sorry, I'm listening. We’ve made good progress today. I think we’ll be able to start on the house when we’re finished here.”

“Really?” you said, a little surprised. “I thought you still had the spider tunnel thing to work on.”

“That’s actually being completely torn down,” he said. He drove a nail in with a few hard whacks of the hammer and looked around for the decoration he was supposed to hang. “Can you hand me that shrunken head?”

“Oh, uh, sure.” You grimaced a little as you picked it out of the prop box. “If they’re tearing it down, what are they putting there instead?”

He took the head from you. “Thanks.” He tied a piece of fishing line to it, pulling it tight with his teeth. “I don't think they know what they’re changing it to yet, so there’s no work to do on it right now. They’re keeping the spider web tunnel, just making it shorter, and putting it between the house and the woods. So I guess we’ll have to do it when we do the house.”

You leaned against his thigh. “What do you think they should put in the spot it used to be? Or are you going to miss it being there?”

He smiled, and there was a little wryness to it that intrigued you. 

“No, I don’t think I’ll miss it,” he said.

“You don’t like it?”

He shrugged. “It’s not my favorite scene. I think they should do an alien abduction thing in that spot.”

“Ooh, like a crop circle or something?” you asked. Though you didn’t like haunted houses, this one was a big part of your life since your boyfriend and three best friends spent a lot of their time there, and you'd kind of gotten into the idea side of things. “It could be like a corn maze with aliens in it.”

“Yeah, and when they snatch you, they take you to their ship to do experiments on you.” Danny wiggled his fingers at you. “Spooky.” 

You laughed and took his hands in yours. “That’d probably get you lots and lots of kitkats, what do you think?” If any guest used the safeword, “kitkat”, the actors would stop scaring them and escort them out safely. That was how you’d met Danny, and the nickname had stuck.

He chuckled and gave you a kiss. “You’re the only kitkat I want. You know that.”

You gave a pleased hum and kissed him back. “Yeah, I do.”

After one more kiss, you let him get back to work, and when he was finished hanging the decorations he came to sit on the porch steps with you. You drank your coffee and talked for a while as the sun sank lower behind the trees; the air grew colder, and you snuggled close to Danny when he put an arm around you and tucked you close to his side.

“We should get dinner later,” he said. “I feel like I haven't seen you a lot this week.”

“Me too,” you said, playing absently with the macrame bracelet on his wrist. “What about pizza and a movie?”

“Sure.” He nuzzled against your cheek. “In my bedroom, not in the living room. I'm not in a sharing mood tonight.”

You smiled. “And what might you be asked to share, exactly?” Danny and the Kiszkas split rent on a big, beautiful old house, and you’d spent a lot of time over there since you all became friends.

“The pizza,” he said, matter-of-fact. “They’re not getting any.”

You laughed and turned your head to let him kiss you properly, and it took about two seconds of that for you to decide you weren’t in a sharing mood either. Jake, Josh, and Sam could fend for themselves as far as dinner was concerned.

Danny reluctantly pulled away after a few more deep kisses, and you protested by closing the distance again.

“Don’t go back to work,” you said, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

He gave you a wry smile. “Got to, honey. I want to at least get started on the house before it gets too dark.”

“How much longer?”

He gave you a goofy smooch. “Not long. You’re so sweet to be so patient, kitkat.”

“Fine,” you agreed, mollified by his affectionate tone and touch. “But all these kisses you could be giving me instead of working — I want double when we get back home.”

He smiled, showing crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes. “Yes ma'am.”

You put your hands against his cheeks. “Wait one more second, okay?”

He did as you said. You cradled his beloved face, studying the gold the sunshine brought out in his hazel irises.

“You want to know something?” you asked softly.

“Yeah,” he whispered back. “Tell me.”

You smiled. “You give me the honeyglow something awful, Danny.”

He gave a sweet laugh, and you loved the sound of it.

“What does that mean?” he asked. “I make you feel all melty and sweet and golden?”

“Something like that,” you agreed.

He kissed you tenderly. “Well, kitkat, you give me to the honeyglow too. I love you.”

Your sigh was dreamy and happy. “I love you too.”

Content with the promise of many more kisses later, you let him get back to work and helped the guys carry their tools up to the house. They wanted to get in as much work as they could before the sun set, and you didn’t mind, not really; you enjoyed keeping them company, despite the eerie atmosphere of the inside of the haunted house as it got darker outside.

“It’s missing something,” Danny said, standing back to survey the grisly surgery scene he’d just cleaned top to bottom. “What do you think, kitkat?”

Your expression scrunched in distaste, remembering the times you'd been jumpscared from a creepy doctor from behind the table. “It looks plenty scary to me.”

He gave you a fond smile. “Look at it from an artist's perspective,” he said. He pointed to a bare spot on the rack of rusty surgical instruments. “That space needs to be filled in.”

You tried to look at it as he'd said, ignoring the impulse to look away, and you had to admit he was right. “What are you going to put there?”

He shook his head. “I dunno. You want to come to the storage shed with me?”

“It’s my one and only dream,” you said dryly. 

He grinned. “Attagirl. Let’s go find a bloody saw or something.”

You told the boys you were leaving for a minute, but you weren't sure they heard you as they tried to get a huge skeleton to stand up without toppling over every two seconds. Danny led you out of the house and towards the big storage shed full of props, pushing his shoulder against the door to get it to open.

He coughed a little as sawdust rained down from the ceiling. “Add this door to the list of ones that need fixing,” he said. “Good night!”

You followed him inside, feeling a little better when he pulled the chain on the overhead lightbulb. The props stacked high on shelves and hung on the walls were cast in a shadowed light, and you skirted them expertly as you helped Danny look for what he wanted.

“What about this?” he said, holding up a fake blood bag.

“Too small,” you said. “It's a pretty big spot to fill in.”

He tossed the bag back with the rest. “You’re right.” 

You ventured towards the far end of the shed, looking with a critical eye through the props, and found that there was another doorway in the back wall.

“What’s in here?” you asked.

“More stuff,” he said, sifting through a box of sawed-off arms and ice picks. “This shed is actually two units stuck end to end.”

You looked through the doorway and saw something catching the light, shining faintly in the gloom — a gigantic pair of pliers painted to look recently used on some unfortunate soul. 

“Hey, I think I might have found something,” you said. “In the other shed.”

He looked up from his searching. “You want me to go get it?”

“Nope,” you said stoutly. “I’m brave enough.”

He smiled. “Okay, honey. Don’t make yourself uncomfortable. If you get two steps in and ask for me, I won't even make fun of you.”

You snorted a laugh. “My hero.” You knew Danny would be nothing but kind, but surely you could handle a little walk into a dark shed full of creepy props. Right?

Getting inside the other shed turned out to be the least of your problems, since the pliers you wanted were sitting in a box on the top shelf of a very tall storage rack. You thought about asking Danny for help, since he would be able to reach them with ease, but you also wanted to get them yourself and have the bragging rights of retrieving the perfect prop. You stepped up on the bottom shelf and reached up, your fingers just grazing the handle.

“Come on,” you muttered. You stood on tiptoes and stretched out your hand — there! You grabbed the handle and pulled.

Your sense of triumph lasted half a second, because as you pulled the pliers down, the whole box came with it. You stumbled backwards to avoid the falling box, forgetting you were on the shelf and not on the floor, and careened backwards into something solid.

You whirled to see that you’d knocked into a giant Dracula, which was propped against the door you hadn’t noticed coming in. Like the world’s worst domino effect, the Dracula dummy listed to the side and swung against the door as it fell to the ground, bending the doorknob until it hung off-kilter. The door slammed closed with the momentum; the light from the other room was cut off, leaving you in complete darkness.

The effect was immediate. The prop room that had seemed harmlessly unsettling now became truly frightening, and you raced to the door to try and open it.

“Danny!” you called, starting to feel frantic. You tripped over something — Dracula, you guessed, or maybe the box — and searched feverishly for the doorknob.

It turned under your grip, and even though you knew it was Danny, the feeling of something moving without the ability to see it was nauseating.

“Kitkat?” came his voice, muffled through the door. “I’m right here, honey. Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Your eyes welled with tears. “No, but I — I’m scared, Danny. Please get me out.”

“I’m trying, baby. Hold on.”

You heard him turn the doorknob this way and that, but the door still didn't open. Rationally, you knew that the doorknob was probably so bent that it was unusable, but the rational part of your brain wasn’t exactly in charge at the moment. You put your hand on the door and pleaded with him as if he wasn’t doing everything he could to get you out.

“Please hurry, Danny,” you all but sobbed. “Please get me out.”

“I’m trying, but I can’t — ” He swore. “I gotta get this doorknob off, honey. I’m going to get a screwdriver.”

“No! Don’t go.”

“I have to, sweetheart.” You heard his palm thump against the door. “Hey. You’re okay, kitkat. Take a few deep breaths for me, okay?”

You tried to do as he said, but they were choppy and uneven. “Danny,” you said pitifully.

“I know,” he said, and you knew his voice well enough to know he was upset. “Listen to me. I’m going to get you out just as quick as I can. Do you trust me?”

 You nodded miserably, then remembered he couldn't see you. “Y-yes, Danny, I trust you.”

“There’s my brave girl. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” you managed. “Please hurry.”

He didn't answer, and you hoped it was because he’d gone to get the screwdriver and not because he was questioning if he could leave you without sacrificing your sanity. It seemed a near thing at the moment — you wanted to stay put, but something brushed your face in the darkness, and you gave a shrill yelp and fell back against some other prop behind you.

The prop must have been set up with a motion sensor, and a gruesome clown face lit up and cackled at you. Your breath caught on a sob as you pulled back from it, stumbling over the box and the props on the floor. When you finally got your balance, you stood stock still and pressed your hands to your ears to try and block out the shrieking laugh of the clown face that seemed like it would never turn off.

“Kitkat!”

You heaved a sigh of intense relief when you heard his voice. “Danny!”

“Two seconds,” he said, already working on getting the doorknob off. It hit the floor with a metallic clang, but when he tried to open the door, the stupid Dracula mannequin blocked his way.

“There’s something in front of the door,” you said weakly. “Dracula.”

“What is it?” he asked. “Nevermind. Step back from the door, honey.”

You did, careful of the things on the floor you couldn’t see, and listened as Danny put his weight into muscling open the door. Finally, it opened with a wrenching sound that made you jump; you blinked in the light, dazed, still rooted to the spot as tears tracked down your face.

“Kitkat,” Danny said, stepping over Dracula and turning the clown head off, bringing its cackling to an abrupt end. He hovered near you, his hands extended cautiously as if he was afraid to touch you and make it worse. “Are you okay, honey? You’re not hurt, are you?”

“No, I’m not hurt,” you said in a small voice. Your expression crumpled. “Th-thank you for coming to get me, Danny.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” He gathered you in his arms then, holding you close as you grabbed a fistful of his shirt like a lifeline and gave into another round of crying. He ran his hands over your back, slow and gentle.

“I’m sorry you got stuck, baby,” he said, keeping his voice low and soothing. “That scared you pretty bad, huh?”

You nodded and pressed closer to him. He hugged you tight.

“Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t completely dark,” you said, your voice muffled against him. You shuddered at the memory of being locked in total darkness.

“Why didn't you turn on your flashlight?” he asked.

You looked up at him. “What?”

His smile was sympathetic and a little bemused. “The flashlight on your phone. You didn’t turn it on?”

“N-no,” you said, realizing you’d never even thought of it. You’d been so panicky that you hadn’t even used the light you carried with you all the time, and it made you feel stupid on top of everything else.

You hid behind your hands. “Great. I'm an idiot and a total wimp.”

Danny chuckled, and the sound was warm and colored with sympathy.

“My poor baby,” he said. “You just got scared, kitkat. It’s okay.”

“You wouldn't have gotten scared,” you said.

“Aw, well, I don't know. Getting locked in anywhere is kinda scary.” He gently tugged your hands away from your face and kissed the tears from your cheeks. “I’m sorry you got scared, honey.”

You put your arms around his neck. “Thanks for getting me. I’m sorry I’m such a scaredy-cat.”

“You don’t have to apologize, kitkat,” he said, gentle and amused. “I knew you were a scaredy-cat when I met you, and I still liked you just fine. I just wish I could have hulk-smashed the door open for you and rescued you like that.”

You gave a watery laugh, and he smiled and gave you a bear hug.

“There’s that smile I love so much,” he said. “Can I take you out of this creepy shed now?”

“Into the creepy house?” you asked. The sun had almost set, casting long shadows into the shed, and it wouldn’t be long before the house and the woods were completely dark too.

“No,” he said. “I figure you’ve been traumatized enough for one day. I’ll take you home.”

“To your home, right?”

He smiled. “Yeah, to my home. If that’s what you want.”

After another big squeeze, you unwound yourself from him so you could put the props to rights. He found the light, and in the amber glow of the bare bulb, you put the scattered props back in the box as he hefted Dracula into an upright position.

“No wonder this guy is in the very back,” he said, panting a little. “He weighs a freakin’ ton.”

You found the pair of pliers you'd been after and held them behind your back.

“You want to see what all this fuss was about anyway?” you asked.

He raised a brow. “Sure.”

You showed him the pliers, and his mouth tipped up in a crooked smile.

“Those are perfect, kitkat. Too bad you had to go through all that just to get them, though.”

You have a theatrical sigh. “The sacrifices I make for art.”

He laughed and took your hand as he closed up the shed, leading you back out to the dusky woods alive with birdsong and the drifting sound of your friends’ laughter. You followed their voices up to the house, thankful Danny was still holding your hand.

“Hey Dan?” you asked.

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

He held the gate open for you. “Sure. Shoot.”

“If you’re not afraid of the dark or clowns or axe murderers or any of this stuff... what are you afraid of?”

He gave you a wry smile. “Not telling.”

You laughed. “But there is something, right? Not something fancy like the inevitability of failure or existential dread, but something normal, right?”

“There is something,” he admitted. “Something you’d probably never think of, because it's kind of stupid.”

“Oh, Danny, no,” you said kindly. “I wouldn't think it’s stupid. I'm scared of everything, so I’m probably scared of whatever it is too.”

He smiled. “Maybe. Tell you what — if you guess it correctly, I’ll tell you.”

“You promise?”

He gave a soft laugh. “Yes, kitkat, I promise.”

You found Sam and the twins working just outside the house, putting up the structure of the spider-web tunnel. They waved you over, telling Danny to get a move on to help them.

“We’re actually gonna head home,” Danny said. He held up the pliers. “I just have to put these in the surgery scene, and then we’re out of here.”

You reluctantly withdrew your hand from his. “I don't think I'll go with you to put those up.”

He smiled and kissed your cheek. “Okay, honey. I’ll be right back.”

You ventured over to where Jake, Josh, and Sam were working, watching as they fit PVC pipes together to make a few feet of tunnel. The trash bags nearby held swaths of cotton webs that went with the dozens of boxes of fake spiders.

You pulled one of the spiders out, studying the painted red eyes and big fangs.

“These aren’t so bad,” you said, kind of proud that you could hold it without flinching.

Josh grinned. “Hey, good for you, kitkat. You’re getting the hang of this haunted house thing.”

“I don't know,” you said with a laugh. You told them what had happened at the shed, and all three of them winced.

“Well, that’s not even the fun kind of scary,” Jake said. “I’m sorry, kitkat.”

“But you found ten-ton Dracula?” Sam asked, skating over the “locked in a dark storage shed” part of the story. “I’ve been wondering where he went.”

You rolled your eyes and gave him a fond smile. “Glad I could help.”

The first half of the tunnel’s structure was already finished, and you volunteered to string webbing over it until it looked like a gigantic spider’s nest. When Danny came back from his errand, you told him you wanted to stay for a little while and set it up.

“You sure?” he asked. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” you assured him. “Besides, you said you wanted to get a little more work done, and I think we found something I can do without losing my ever-loving mind.”

He smiled. “Okay. If you’re sure.” He glanced at the sinking sun. “I think we have maybe half an hour of light left.”

You all agreed to work for thirty more minutes, and there was a festive and companionable atmosphere as you put up the webs and made it look as spooky as you could. You quizzed Danny on what he was afraid of, guessing everything you were afraid of; the boys joined in the game with silly guesses like “tomato soup” and “a waterslide but instead of water it’s maple syrup”. Danny just laughed and said he wasn’t afraid of any of those things, though a few of them sounded downright unpleasant.

“I give up,” you said dramatically, sitting on an empty plastic tub. “You’re just not afraid of anything.”

“There’s something,” he assured you. “But I’m telling you, you’ll never guess. Especially considering what I do for a living.”

You narrowed your eyes. “I’ve got it. You’re afraid of drumsticks, aren’t you?”

He laughed, big and bright and joyful. “No, it’s not that. It doesn’t have to do with music.”

You kept thinking of things to guess as you worked, but you were distracted from your game when Jake started pulling out the spiders to put on the webs. He unearthed a huge fake spider from the box and made it sing “Boris the Spider” in his British accent, earning a round of laughter and cheers for such a good impression of The Who.

You looked over at Danny, intending to ask him what he thought of a slightly drunk-sounding British spider, but you were surprised to see a little uneasiness in his expression. You followed his gaze, trying to see what was making him nervous; the only thing in your vicinity was the spider in Jake’s hand.

“Danny?”

He looked from the spider to you. “Yeah, honey.”

“Are you... afraid of the fake spiders?”

He didn’t answer right away, and you knew you had him. He hadn’t hesitated answering any of the other guesses.

You gave a triumphant laugh. “Ha! I guessed it, didn’t I?”

You could have sworn you saw him blush. You pulled another spider out of the box and carried it over to him, watching his expression become more and more apprehensive the closer it got.

“You promised you would tell me if I got it right,” you said, a teasing lilt to your voice. You held the spider up, just inches from him. “Does this little guy freak you out, Daniel?”

He endured it for a few seconds before he batted it away. “Yes, fine, it freaks me out. You win.”

You laughed, not unkindly, and tossed the spider back in the box before you draped your arms over his shoulders. 

“My poor baby,” you said, mimicking with affection the way he’d soothed you earlier. “I’m sorry I teased you with it. It’s okay if you’re scared of it.”

“I’m not scared, exactly,” he said, looking with distaste at the box overflowing with the plastic critters. “They’re just... creepy. They give me the heebie-jeebies.”

You smiled and gave him a consoling kiss. “My big guy’s one weakness,” you said, entirely amused. “Fake spiders. What about real spiders?”

He shrugged. “They’re fine.”

You laughed. “Of course they are.”

He watched your face, studying the lines and colors of joy he always brought out in it without even trying. His expression warmed, and you loved when you coaxed out a grudging smile.

“It’s dumb, right?” he asked.

You shook your head. “No way. I’m just surprised we found something you’re afraid of that I’m not afraid of.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess that is pretty remarkable.” He kissed your cheek. “Now that you’ve uncovered my deepest, darkest secret, can we go home and order the deepest, dishiest pizza?”

You laughed. “Sure thing, honey.”

At home, you and Danny didn’t actually have the heart not to share your pizza with the boys; you got enough for everyone and watched a true crime documentary that had you hiding behind your hands during the more grisly parts. 

“Okay, now I have to have a cleanse,” you said afterwards, rinsing off the plates to put them in the dishwasher. “I’m watching New Girl or something.”

Danny came up behind you and snuck a kiss under your jaw. “In my room,” he said, his voice low and meant only for you.

You gave a fluttery little laugh and pulled way when his kisses started to tickle. “Can I watch whatever I want?”

“Whatever you want,” he agreed. He bracketed you in with his arms, kissing along the column of your neck.

You considered that. “Can it be an old movie?”

“You could pick the most awful black and white silent film ever made and I absolutely would not care,” he promised. His hands snuck under the hem of your sweater and skated over your tummy, and despite how quickly you were warming to his touch, you couldn’t give up teasing him just yet.

“Okay, I know what I want to watch,” you said primly.

“Finally,” he said with a contented sigh, pulling you close to him. “What is it?”

You grinned. “The Giant Spider Invasion.”

He hummed in agreement. “Sure, honey, that sounds — ” He pulled back. “Wait, what?”

You couldn’t help but dissolve in giggles, and when his warm laugh joined in with yours, you felt the honeyglow something awful.

“Alright, trouble,” he said, kissing your cheek. “You’re a handful, you know that?”

“But I’m your handful.”

“Yes, kitkat. You’re my handful. You know what else?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

You smiled, feeling all melty and sweet and golden inside. “I love you too.”

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[theleastprofessionalchef]

Sometimes you need to do horrible things to oranges-

-to make something yummy!

I'm gonna start putting the recipes I use on these posts; Vegan cranberry orange muffins under the cut!

Makes 12 regular size muffins

2 2/3 cup flour

1 cup sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

3/4 teaspoon salt

5 oz dried cranberries

...some amount of orange zest, I'll be honest I usually zest three or four of those little mandarins since we always keep those on board anyway, so however much that is

1 cup nondairy yogurt (I use almond or coconut)

2/3 cup plain nondairy milk (HIGHLY recommend oat, for pretty browning and light sweetness)

7 tablespoons vegetable oil

3 tablespoons aquafaba (the liquid found in canned chickpeas- a wonderful vegan binding alternative to eggs, and whips to nice peaks when combined with:)

1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar

Sugar for dusting

Set oven to 425, and prep muffin tin. Whisk flour, baking powder and soda, and salt. Toss in the cranberries. In another bowl, whisk yogurt, milk, oil, and zest. Combine with dry until just mixed- don't overmix or they'll come out tough and chewy.

In another bowl, whip the cream of tartar and aquafaba (either with a hand mixer or mixing stand thing, but don't recommend doing it by hand unless you wanna be there for an hour and get carpal tunnel) until it forms stiff peaks, about ten minutes. Fold into the batter mix.

Divide into the tins, sprinkle the tops with sugar, and bake 18-22 minutes. Cool for about ten before serving, or don't- let the crew burn their mouths if they're that impatient.

[ok-ish-hermitcraft-headcanons]

the ask about past stuff affecting the hermits now made brain go brr. Joel having problems from his past series is so mecore <333 so here's a lil list of some hcs relating to that :3

whenever the concept of a "prank war" is mentioned he just kinda. stares into space. the faint sounds of godzilla playing in the back of his mind. (Crazycraft)

he has a notable affection for cod and axolotls (he loves his wife and her hot-in-a-definitely-platonic-way-guys brother very much) (ESMP1)

this affection also extends to donkeys. he always makes a Shrek joke whenever someone brings it up (XLife)

he's actually quite paranoid about not knowing what's going on and, even if he doesn't actually believe it, will go along with most things his friends say (unless it is very obviously a lie/bit) (ESMP1)

he drinks almond milk instead of regular cow milk unless it's to get rid of status effects. he isn't going back and you can't make him (Crazycraft)

i tried to make them a bit more varied but i couldn't think of any for alot of the series he was in :pensive:

ooo very very fair

[wistfulnightingale]

The Metatron's Second Coming ("I will not Hesitate to Mock you!")

Part 2 of 8 in the Chess Moves Theory Set by @wistfulnightingale

As I've been pondering the Final Fifteen (and connected scenes, not like I'm obsessed or anything. Really, I'm fine...!), the scene with the Metatron in the coffee shop that day kept making my brain twitch. Everything about the Metatron appears normal, but is it too normal? Meanwhile, Nina initially acts out of character. Even for a woman who spent the night battling demons from Hell.

The Metatron is from Heaven.  Yet he knew what to order, fairly quickly, and under pressure from a rudely impatient person. How? The archangels don't understand books or sushi or matchboxes or human love or needs or relationships or wanting to keep one's original children... When the Metatron pretends to take an interest in Muriel's book (Yep. Pretends. I'll die on that hill), the Metatron doesn't ask them, "What's that you're reading?" -- he asks, "What's that you're holding?" Heavenly beings are unfamiliar with earthly objects or customs, unless they purposefully learn about it.

"Order accurately and fast... I will not hesitate to mock you if I don't like your order."

It's a comic moment, but it's out of character for Nina, IF it's unprovoked. Yes, she hasn’t slept in 30 hours and was fighting demons most of that surreal night, so it seems reasonable that she might explode.  But this is Nina.  Nina remembers people by their coffee order.  Nina is a practical business woman. 

Why would Nina, who had tidily set her emotions aside and started her workday, now suddenly be inexplicably rude to a new customer, a well-dressed man who appears to have significant funds and could possibly become a regular? Threatening to mock customers is not a sound business model, even on an Extremely Bad Day.

Bear with me, I'm about to propose something radical. But it certainly gives us something to talk about as we wait for the final story!

I think that the Metatron was in the coffee shop the previous day. Learning about the complicated human ritual of buying a coffee. And ingesting his first sample of human consumables.

Here's why...

As we get to know Nina, we learn that she is private, rather guarded, and blunt. She is also incredibly practical and dedicated to running her business smoothly and efficiently. Even when briefly socializing, she is wiping tables, or signaling a "six shots expresso, big cup" order with gestures. Her coffee business is about earning a living. Nina didn’t understand Maggie’s sentimental attachment to a store that can’t sell anything. When dramatic issues with Lindsay happen during work hours, Nina sets boundaries but keeps herself from snapping at customers, even when Mrs. Sandwich criticizes her.

The morning after the demon attack, Nina had already shifted into business mode -- she was late, people need their coffee. She shuts off consideration of the bizarre night, and is prepping and planning. She calmly started putting down chairs, and knew exactly what milks she needed Maggie to pick up. Maggie returns promptly, and everything is well under control before the Metatron's turn in line.

The Metatron is a very intelligent Heavenly being, but we've seen that he has no concern for, nor interest in, humanity. He doesn't know human ways, and when he speaks, he fills his sentences with British posh slang as if he just took a crash course from a travel brochure! And he was just in a bookstore, but doesn't know what a book is. (Probably because he doesn't see it as important.)

How does he know how to put together a coffee order, from the multitudes of choices, for the very first time? He understands the difference between an expresso, a frappuccino, a cappuccino and a latte? Caffeinated or Decaf? To select whole milk, nonfat milk, almond milk, oat milk...? Cold, or steamed? Nondairy sweet cream? Heavy cream? Half and Half? Would you like whipped cream on that? And, by the way, how many syrups are on the "Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death" selection list?

(****Also, have you ever been with an older person the first time they visit a coffee shop? It takes time to figure it all out...!)

"Order accurately and fast... I will not hesitate to mock you if I don't like your order."

The VOICE OF GOD puts his hands up in surrender and says, "Yes, I quite understand." He's okay with this? Why? I suspect that when he came in yesterday (in Episode 5) he had NO IDEA how to order, and would have held up the line looking at the many, many choices.

I can imagine it! The first time the Metatron showed up, Nina walks back in the shop after her conversation with Crowley. She doesn't like thinking so much about Lindsay during work hours, and she's trying to refocus. It's important to her to keep the line moving. Meanwhile, this posh fellow comes in with no clue what he wants, asking ridiculous questions and ordering things that don’t make sense together and that means he’s taking Forever and Holding Up The Line.  

The next day (Episode 6), she’s again trying to just FOCUS and run her shop, and NOT think anymore about battling demons all night, but here he is again, this upper class elderly sophisticate-wanna-be, about to mess up her morning and put her even FURTHER behind and if he asks for something STUPID AGAIN,  SHE. WILL. MOCK. HIM…!!!

This time, however, he places a reasonable order, quickly and sensibly.  So Nina quickly calms down, and can even tolerate it when he asks such an odd question.  “They don’t ever ask for death, no.”   Nina can bear with a customer who is strange, and can be polite (even if blunt) to someone who says odd things.  

But DON’T. HOLD. UP. HER. LINE. 

I think this idea, on it's own, is worth considering. I hope you might think so, too. It's at least a question worth asking.

..........

Now, please, breathe deeply, and please don't hate me.

I broke down the Episode 5 scene outside the coffee shop with dozens of screenshots, lightening, brightening, and posting only the best in another post, The Metatron Misdirection. There's a guy wearing an orange shirt moving around inside the shop, behind Nina. There's also a guy with white hair and a dark overcoat. In the scene photos, he seems to be talking to the orange-shirt man before taking his place in line. I think it's the Metatron. Perhaps he's asking the orange-shirt guy for advice about how coffee orders work. (See my Part 1, The Metatron Misdirection, for lots and lots of detail to back up my absolutely bonkers idea!)

I think it was a Time Misdirection, across 2 episodes. (See Misdirection in Magic, a Masterclass article.) The most significant part of the magic trick happens before we start looking for the trick. If we wondered at all about Nina's outburst, it wouldn't occur to us to look for the answer in the previous episode. We didn't think the Metatron was there yet! (inside, on the right, in line behind the orange-shirt guy!)

I reeeeeeeally wouldn't expect you to believe this, just from one photo. I'd be grateful if you'd check out my other post with all the details before you come at me, please please please (she implores🥺). (And you might especially like #8, Aziraphale's Jubilant Smile!)

😊

If you'd like to see more of my ideas/meta-theories about the stuff I think is radically interconnected to the Final Fifteen, please check out the other parts of my Chess Moves Theory Set at @wistfulnightingale for the full picture of what I think might be happening for our Ineffables.

Thanks for coming with me on this crazy ride!

The 8 Chess Moves MetaTheory Set:

1 - The Metatron Misdirection

2 - The Metatron's Second Coming

3 - Ineffables in Check

4 - A Hefty Jigger of Death

5 - Nothing Lasts Forever

6 - The Circle Kiss Theory

7 - The Nightingale DID Sing

8 - Aziraphale's Jubilant Smile (Not the crazy elevator grin)

Also: The Chess Moves Theory Set, Why Chess & Magic?

[alexxncl]

how the obey me characters like their coffee

brothers, dateables + luke, and side characters

resurgence of my coffee obsession has me thinking thoughts

and i'm right bc they all told me this themselves

masterlist | more drabbles/hcs

lucifer

i feel like he likes his shit sickeningly sweet...like you can barely taste the coffee

so much creamer it almost looks like milk, so much sugar that your teeth will fall out just by looking at it

it used to help him stay awake, but he's immune to it now. he just drinks it to drink it

he doesn't care for iced coffee that much. he had a sip of mammon's and almost gagged

mammon

the blackest coffee you've ever seen, extra espresso shots, whether it's hot or iced

y'all know how pedro pascal and jaemin from nct like their coffee? yeah...nasty

if he hasn't had his coffee, don't talk to him

unless you're mc or luke. then you have a pass

he drinks it before he leaves the house, while he's walking to RAD, while he's in class, while he's at lunch, while he's in detention, while he's-

you get the picture

but he won't admit that he's addicted

levi

he likes chai tea 🫶🏽

coffee never sat well with him, it made him more anxious than he already is

he likes the taste but he can live without it

he drank a bunch of it once while pulling an all-nighter with mammon before an exam...never again

luci and mams keep a very close eye on his caffeine intake

satan

no cream or milk, but a shit ton of sugar

"bitter like my soul" headass

he doesn't drink it often, but he's particular when he does

doesn't like hot coffee because he can't drink it right away

either makes it himself or asks asmo to do it when he's too tired

asmo

more milk than sugar with a pretty design on top

an oat milk girlie

strongly prefers hot coffee but will drink either

he just has a knack for creative stuff, y'know?

i feel like he worked as a batista for a while and does little pop up shops for his fans :(

beel

he doesn't drink coffee like that. it doesnt do anything for him

but he likes sweet things, so he asks belphie to put flavored creamer or sweetened almond milk and a lot of sugar in it whenever he does drink some

he started drinking it to get closer to luci and mams, but he never made a habit out of it like the two of them

asked asmo if he could learn how to make it so that mammon wouldn't run out during the day and is actually really good at it

belphie

do NOT give him coffee

he hates it

it's nasty and it makes him jittery

he'll make it, and he's almost as good as asmo, but he won't drink it. absolutely not

diavolo

never really got the hype until he had some of lucifer's

only drinks his coffee that way now

he still prefers tea, but a little caffeine every now and then won't hurt

he tried black coffee and hated it. you know he loves his sweets

barbatos

drinks it on occasion but will lie if you ask him about it

he's THE tea demon, yk? can't let the title be for nothing

if he makes some for diavolo, he'll drink it however dia likes it

if he's just making it for himself, he likes it with a little sugar and no creamer

simeon

spiked (sometimes, when he's not writing) and black

mainly because he doesn't want luke to drink any and thinks this is the best course of action

also because it keeps him awake

(he's like lucifer, coffee doesn't do anything for him anymore. it's a habit atp)

solomon

spiked and sweet

he's too old and too tired

but it's only ever spiked with top shelf, aged, hard shit bc he's extra

tried it black and spiked and hated it

luke

please don't give the baby coffee

11 year olds don't need coffee

he kept asking to try it, so mammon gave him some of his (much to simeon's disdain) and he quite literally almost died

he'll never touch it again bc why is it so BITTER

he won't admit to it but he cried

mammon has proof - videos and pictures

mephisto

tried it once and threw it away

likes his black like mammon, but way less espresso

only likes iced americanos

also likes them extremely watered down ??? idk man he's weird

raphael

another tea drinker but he likes his caffeinated

can't stand the taste of coffee, he doesn't know how simeon drinks it so often

tried some of simeon's - before he started spiking it, mind you - and threw it away bc he thought it was disgusting

simeon did not in fact cry (yes he did)

thirteen

it depends on the day, but she's a mocha girlie 99% of the time

when just wants coffee or she's having a really bad day, she gets her usual

if it's a really good day, she gets something different

iced or hot, she doesn't care

a very specific order and only gets hers from a very specific mom and pop shop in a run-down area of the otherworld