#unlearning transphobia

[menlove]

hmmm I've made posts of these types as well so I get the sentiment but the more I see posts along the lines of "not being transphobic/sexist/antisemitic/racist/homophobic/etc is easy" the more I do think we should be careful w that

bc no, it's usually NOT easy. and I'm not saying that as an excuse. rather the exact opposite. when we constantly insist that not being bigoted is "easy," it lets people believe that they don't need to do any work to examine their implicit biases. unlearning racism/transphobia/sexism/antisemtism/etc is neverending work and when you think you're done, there's always going to be something else to work on. that's why, for example, we use the term "anti racist" rather than saying "I'm not racist." anti racism takes action, it takes learning, it's a constant effort that you have to work at. it's not a one and done. you don't learn that racism exists and is bad and then immediately wash your hands of everything you were taught growing up. and the same applies to everything else

it's not easy! it's not easy to confront bigoted parts of yourself and keep doing that long after you thought you had gotten rid of every bigoted belief you held. it's not easy to always listen when someone is challenging an implicit belief you hold and don't want to let go of. it takes work. but it's VITAL work.

you don't just get rid of your racism by knowing it's wrong. you don't just get rid of your antisemtism by saying "yeah fuck nazis." you don't get rid of your transmisogyny by saying "I love trans women." all these things take constant, consistent work and effort

what IS easy is compassion. you can always decide to do your best every day to be a kind person who's open to change and compassionate care for other humans. but that doesn't mean you suddenly aren't impacted by the beliefs and norms of the society you grew up in. you can be the nicest person in the world and still be unintentionally bigoted. it's not a character flaw, it's something we all have in one way or another. it just matters how you face it and deal w it.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ed: Stede. Stede wake up. Babe. Babe. Babe wake up.

Stede: whuh timeizzit

Ed: I dunno like two am

Stede: edward teach you woke me up at 2 am

Ed: it's important

Stede: oh. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Bad dream? Nervous tummy?

Ed: no I'm good. Just got an important question for you

Stede: alright shoot

Ed: so you remember how I'm trans right

Stede:

Stede: yeah Ed. I remember.

Ed: I was just thinking. If I had, like, a cis dick, what do you think it would look like

Stede: I thought you didn't want bottom surgery -

Ed: I don't. I was just wondering Stede.

Stede: well it would have an excellent mouthfeel first of all

Ed: why is that the first thing -

Stede: I'm just going off what's already there. I love putting the dick you have now in my mouth. So I'm assuming that would be the same

Ed: alright

Stede: and it would be smaller than average I think

Ed: you - fuck off, I can't believe I woke you up for this very important question and you immediately assigned me "small dick"

Stede: I just like the idea of it being little and cute. Like yours is right now, kinda. And I could hold it so easy and stroke it and play with it

Ed: you're just repeating things you like to do now

Stede: well honestly Ed I love your dick as it is. can't help that

Ed: uh huh well alright if you were a trans guy

Stede: oh here we go

Ed: fuck I can't even assign you tiny clit, we both know you'd get hella bottom growth

Stede: I have really good dick genes

Ed: yeah keep rubbing it in

Stede:

Stede: hey Ed. You do know that I love everything about your body right

Ed, very choked up: yeah. I know.

Stede: and I wouldn't change a single thing about it. If you wanted bottom surgery I'd support you 100%, but I love everything about you and your body. Your dick very much included.

Ed: yeah. kinda guessed. based on how often it's in your mouth

Ed: I just - I know a lot of guys don't want...I'm sorry that you have to deal with -

Stede: nope gonna stop you there. You don't need to have a cis dick to have a man's body. I love your dick, just as it is, because it can make you feel good.

Ed: i love you so fucking much

Stede: :)

Ed: you know what might make me feel better

Stede: is it putting your dick in my mouth

Ed: maybe

[trans-leek-cookie]

every day I lose sympathy for other trans men. Suffer in silence until you can be normal you stupid bitches

[gamblegun]

Kind of tired orf "trans women are women", "trans men are men", "non-binary people are valid" being the end all of cis people's understanding on how to really be an ally to us. I'm of the general opinion that we Should in fact reward people for doing the bare minimum, since it y'know, tends to encourage more people to do the bare minimum. But like, it IS the bare minimum. I know for a lot of cis people it takes a ton of effort to reach that point, or even really see us as equal human beings at all, but like... I AM a man, so true! Now what.

[just-trying-to-figure-it-out]

Matthias Helvar (from Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo) is a character I want to talk about all the time

Especially when I hear someone say things like "yes but they weren't raised like us" to justify people being racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic...

Matthias Helvar fell in love with one of the very people he has been taught to hate

He realized that hating people just because they were different was wrong, he tried his best to unlearn all his prejudices, and he learned to respect Nina and all the Grishas

Matthias Helvar really told us "everything that is learned can be unlearned"

So, I'm not saying that it's easy to open your heart when you've been taught to hate during most of your life, but I'm saying that it's possible and that a different education isn't an excuse to be disrespectful

[zombified-queer]

Look, I'm gonna say this once and only once:

Swapping platforms is not going to save us from transmisogyny. We have to take great, uncomfortable steps to unlearn internalized transphobia and transmisogyny. We have to do that YESTERDAY if we're going to protect ALL trans women TODAY.

And that goes triple for transmisogynoir.

[reinventingaxel]

I want to do a whole thing about how becoming disabled changed the trajectory of my life hrggg

[nivannedyt4t]

i love headcanoning characters as queer just because i can. i love headcanoning characters as trans just because i can

[lastoneout]

like idk how else to say it anymore but there is a REASON that a lot of terfs are sexual assault survivors and it's specifically BECAUSE those women come pre-loaded with a severe and easy to exploit fear and distrust of men

[uncanny-tranny]

The thing about internalized bigotry is that you can't effectively and ethically say, "if you don't do [x], you have [internalized bigotry]," especially unprovoked.

Internalized bigotry can be very individual, in a society that hates certain groups, we can internalize that in different ways, influenced by our own cultures and backgrounds. Internalized bigotry isn't a set of commandments we adhere by, and it is unethical to come up to somebody and essentially accuse them of certain internalized bigotries.

I have personal experience with internalized bigotry, and I can attest that people telling me that my internalized bigotry is a personal failing and that I can only "fix" myself by immediately doing x or y isn't helpful.

If you want to help people working through internalized bigotry, what I think is helpful is giving them the space to figure out what they want to do and how they want to go about those internalized bigotries. If they ask you your opinion or thoughts, be thoughtful. I understand the desire to want to provide all the answers, to be their saviour, but it very well may overwhelm somebody because they might not be ready to fully embrace that which they were told to despise in themself.

[saturn-angelic-miracle]

sorry. i know i havent been alive im just coming on here to ramble once again. but its always trans acceptance until the gender fits out of your norm. until its transfem intersex gay person. until its the nonconforming trans man who wears dresses and full glam. until its the disabled person who cannot medically transition because theyre too unwell to do so at the moment. you will do anything but accept these people and its starting to get on my fucking nerves

[brisingr-sword]

i really have been every letter of the alphabet like… these are all the things ive called myself from age 10 to now

bi cis girl -> pan cis girl -> pan ace cis girl -> pan ace nonbinary girl (“but not trans”) -> ace nonbinary (“but not trans”) -> “oh god im a lesbian” -> ace cis lesbian -> ace genderfluid lesbian -> queer and ace -> “oh god im trans” -> trans ftm and queer -> ace, transmasc, genderqueer -> “oh god im aro” -> arospec, transmasc, ace -> aroace queer transmasc

[trucksquared]

please stop trying to make misandry a real thing. you can talk about men's experiences under the patriarchy without acting like misandry exists

[beesinspades]

my mother my whole adolescence: why don't you wear dresses!!!

me now that I'm transitioning: [wears a dress]

my mother: wait no not like that

[confused-alpaca]

had a weird conversation with my dad today in which i had to explain, despite being out to him for multiple years, and him acknowledging this pretty much 1 minute beforehand, that i am, in fact, transgender

[quillandrapier]

I think at this point. If you are cis and you don't joyfully embrace me being transgender, I'm gonna have to cut you off.

If you don't care about transness outside of me and understand the real experiences I have and how it affects everything, you are unhealthy to be in my life.