#unhinged fellowship

[respectfullygruntingorcs]

[gifs-unhinged]

-A collection of moments in which Halbrand was 10000% done with Galadriel (Or was he?)

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

77, winning!!!! for Est!

winning :D calm night with mini fellowship <3

Nona pushes her hair back out of her face again. “This one should do it, then.” Horn leans over her shoulder and points at a different card.

“No, try this one.”

“No, that’s how they beat us last time- they have the counter.”

“They might not have it this time.”

“You don’t know that, and if they do, we lose.”

“I don’t think they-” Horn pushes his hair back, too. “I don’t think they do. Your card won’t be enough whether they have the counter or not.”

“And if they do have it, we lose outright.”

“It’s a chance we should take.”

“They’ve had it the last three rounds, Horn.”

Esterín and Corudan trade looks. Esterín’s cards are held carelessly in one hand while Corudan’s are held very properly before his chest. Nona squints at them.

“They have the counter,” she says, and plays her first choice.

“You should listen to Nona, Horn,” Corudan says solemnly. “She is wise.” He plays a card from his own hand. Horn throws down a counter to it with a wide smile- and so has nothing to play against Esterín’s card when she reverses the turn order and plays an offensive card of her own. “Not that it would save you,” Corudan adds serenely as Horn and Nona both groan, dropping their cards in yet another defeat.

“They must be cheating,” Horn says as Nona combs her hair out of her face yet again. “There’s no way they’re just this lucky.”

“We simply have an abundance of experience with the game that you lack,” Corudan says. Esterín barely keeps herself from snorting. She had learned this from Cúcheron while they waited in the Haunted Inn for Raddir’s word to start the journey through the Drownholt less than two months before.

“An abundance of experience cheating perhaps,” Horn mutters. Nona rolls her eyes.

“You wound me, Horn,” Corudan says, a hand to his chest. “Would any warrior of Lothlórien stoop so low as to cheat at a game of cards among friends?”

“If they could do so without being caught, I daresay they would,” Nona says, watching Esterín collect and reshuffle the cards. “I expected better of you, though, Esterín.”

Esterín laughs. “You think too highly of both me and my card-skill. I wouldn’t recommend playing any sort of gambling game with Saeradan,” she adds after a moment. “His luck is even more suspicious than Corudan’s.”

“Surely you don’t believe I am cheating too, Esterín,” Corudan demands. Esterín grins impishly.

“I believe I have not seen you cheating.”

Horn blows hair out of his eyes. “One more game.” Nona groans. “We’ll beat them this time.”

“I admire your persistence, Horse-lord.”

“See, I do have at least one redeeming quality.”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

Esterín laughs to herself and begins the next round. They’re partway through the second round after that when Horn straightens abruptly, hair flying into his eyes again. “This is ridiculous.” He hands Nona his cards and digs in his pack. “Do you want one?” He holds up a tie and Nona glances over distractedly from both hands of cards.

“Yes, gladly.” Horn holds one tie between his teeth while he gently pulls Nona’s hair back. “I think this one first,” she says while he ties her hair, trying to indicate a card with both of her hands full of other cards. “Then this from my hand.”

“Counters?” Horn follows her gaze, tying his own hair.

“This one.”

Horn takes his cards back. “Alright. Let’s try it.”

They don’t win that hand, or the next.

“That may be enough for tonight,” Esterín laughs as the night draws on. 

“One last hand.” It’s Nona suggesting it this time, glaring intently at the deck. “The last one, I swear.”

Esterín sighs. “Fine, if we all agree.”

It’s worth the two additional hands they play just to see the look on Corudan’s face when Horn and Nona finally do pull off a victory, cheering loud enough to startle the birds from a nearby tree and embracing each other as if they just won some great battle. Esterín grins and elbows Corudan.

“What now, my friend?’

“I will simply have to pay more attention next time,” he says, as dignified as if he stood before the Lady Galadriel. “But for now, I believe it is my watch.” And he takes up a position beyond the light of the fire to definitely not pout about losing at cards despite cheating outrageously.

[miithriin]

The Unhinged Fellowship on twitter is, really unhinged. I made a poll about the Silmarils and woke up to two of the Silmarils scolding me for not including more flattering results for them.

[as-kind-as-summer]

After learning how unhinged Mirkwood used to be do you think Legolas ever just drops the most wild childhood trauma on the Fellowship trying to be relatable and they just look at him like...no. No we did not all go through that.

[kazz-brekker]

the creators of rings of power reading that one line in the fellowship chapter the mirror of galadriel about how sauron is constantly trying to get into her mind and she always denies him: we're about to create the most unhinged situationship in the history of middle-earth

[kiyooriu]

NPMD headcanons based on nothing but what my 100% Real Psychic Powers tell me

- richie hates eating peanuts. not because he’s allergic, not because he dislikes the taste but a Secret Third Thing

- after exactly 2 hrs, 35 mins, and 16 secs pete will always ALWAYS stretch back and let out the loudest scream known to man to get his extra energy out

- ruth wrote an entire 1 hr 30 min musical based on star wars one night and it’s on soundcloud somewhere but she won’t tell anyone how to find it (pete found it on accident but won’t tell her because he knows she’d probably freak out about it, he still listens to it occasionally)

- steph can play the bass nd her go-to song is hey barbara (IV of Spades)

- in line with this ^^ pete has rudimentary guitar skills and wanted to write a few songs with ruth’s help but she refused

- grace wanted to learn how to play the flute but was never allowed to bc her parents thought it would “give her ideas”

- richie’s trans awakening was in elementary when he and two other friends wanted to dress as the kids from dinosaur king nd the other girl was really insistent on being zoe so he dressed up as rex and it Felt Nice

- richie’s BI awakening was the sasunaru kiss and he thought he was homophobic bc he “felt weird after seeing it”

- RUTH’S bi awakening was watching lotr fellowship of the ring when arwen said “if you want him, come and claim him” (she rewatched it multiple times and didn’t sleep)

- one time in elementary grace really wanted candy but her parents were Very against it so she paid a friend to get her one (1) gumball and dhe felt so bad she cried about it and wanted to lock herself up in church

- richie is Mildly into kpop (bc a lot of anime enjoyers i know also like kpop) and he tried to get ruth into it too (mostly the choreography bc he wants ruth to get into dancing again)

- everyone in grace’s elementary was reading harry potter nd she wanted to know what the hype was about but didn’t want the Devil Magic to get her so she borrowed a copy from the library under another student’s name and then burned it after reading to “show god she condemned the devil worshipping” (i think she’s unhinged enough for that)

- pete’s favorite scooby-doo character is shaggy ahaha

- steph used to roleplay teen titans with some childhood friends and would always ask the boy she liked at the time to be beast boy so she could be raven and pretend they were a couple

brain juice wore off pls enjoy the hcs 👾

[mirielsart]

May I suggest an alternate, more unhinged Fellowship of the Ring?

From left to right:

- Halbarad (the normal one, very underrated)

- Lady Dis (has been carrying a grudge for a very long time)

- Tauriel (I love her, and I want her to go on a nice roadtrip with her mother-in-law)

- Prince Imrahil (I just think he's neat)

- Cirdan the Shipwright (too old for this shit, parents the others, will probably go on rampage at some point)

- Grimbeorn the Old (looks like they could kill you, is actually a cinammon roll)

- Lobelia Sackville-Baggins (will see the manager and kick his arse)

- Farmer Maggot (keeper of the single braincell, secretly the most dangerous of the lot)

- Radagast (has no idea what is going on, is just along for the ride, has the same abilities as Snow-White in Shrek)

Now, please, do tell me how that trainwreck goes. One thing I know for sure is that they're all smoking weed by the time they reach the gates of Moria.

Other contenders I thought to include but didn't : Tom Bombadil, Goldberry, Beregond, Glorfindel, Faramir, Rosie Cotto, Fatty Bolger, Elladan and Elrohir, Thorin Stonehelm, Gwaihir.

[live-laugh-legolas]

Hiiiiii omg your head canons for the fellowship are so cuttteeee I love it. Do you think you could write how the members of the fellowship would be around a character who has a dragon companion? I’m sorry I know that is soooo weird but I literally love dragons so much and Lotr so y’know. Preferably a f reader or just Gn. Sorry if that’s weird and no pressure!!!!🫶🫶

What a fun prompt! I’ve literally thought about this before. I’m picturing you show up at Rivendell just casually with your dragon. Totally breathes fire because that’s cool as shit.

How the Fellowship reacts to a dragon companion

Aragorn:

-Has to do a double take

-wtf

-He’s a chill dude, but this feels unhinged

-He will introduce himself with you only once you’re not with your fire friend

-Once you introduce the two he’s back to his chill self and act like this is totally normal

Legolas:

-Fascinated, and immediately introduces himself to you and your dragon

-Elves have a way with nature and animals so I don’t think he would be scared

-Wary, maybe, but he just wants to pet it

-He sees is as a big puppy

-Will tell you a billion dragon facts

Gimli:

-Listen, dwarves have a bad record with dragons

-Doesn’t trust you, and certainly can’t believe the “beast” could be friendly

-Keeps his distance and is definitely a bit cold to you like he is to Legolas, at first

-He eventually warms up to you but still doesn’t like your companion

-The dragon wouldn’t hurt him, but he doesn’t know that, and the dragon totally takes advantage of that and will scare him

-“I don’t like the way it looks at me”

-Big “it don’t bite, yes it do!” energy

Boromir:

-I just feel like he would not care

-He would be casual about it like the cave troll

-Totally sees the advantage of having a literal fucking dragon on their team

-Talks to it like a person

Frodo:

-You thought his eyes were big before? Well guess what? They are literal saucers

-Mostly knows only of Smaug so he doesn’t have a particularly positive view on the species

-But he’s also nothing if not curious

-Asks you so many questions

-This I think applies to all the hobbits except maybe Sam, but it would be so cute if they cuddled up with the dragon at night to keep warm

Sam:

-Big nope

-He’s heard Bilbo’s stories

-His main priority is keeping Frodo safe

-Probably wouldn’t warm up until he saw Frodo petting it with a big smile

-Would ask if it wants a bowl of stew when you all settle for the night

-Worried it might eat him if he doesn’t keep it fed

Merry:

-Guess what?! You now have a new biggest fan! Congrats!

-No fear in this hobbit

-Maybe that’s not a good thing, but he’s a confident boy

-“Hypothetically how would one go about acquiring such a creature?” “You can’t have a dragon Merry” “…I was asking for a friend”

-Will brag about knowing you and that he’s friends with a dragon when they eventually get back to the shire

Pippin:

-?????

-So confused

-He must have smoked too much and is now hallucinating

-Once he gets over that shock, he’s probably the type to watch from afar, but weary to ask to pet it

-“Do you think we could roast marshmallows with its breath?”

-It’s a genuine question. And yes, the answer is yes

-That is if you like your marshmallows burnt and basically disintegrated

Gandalf:

-He probably invited you to the council

-Wary because he knows what dragons are capable of, but trusts you so therefore he trusts your judgment

-He’s got his eagles, you’ve got your dragon, unstoppable duo

*Bonus Elrond:

-“Um…whatcha got there?” “A smoothie”

-Wouldn’t let you in until Gandalf convinced him

-Then he just decides he’s seen so much shit that he shouldn’t even be surprised anymore by anything

I definitely don’t love all of these answers, some feel ooc, so as always I may edit when I get a different idea. It’s like how my mind will be blank when doing an assignment but the second I submit it I have so many better answers

[respectfullygruntingorcs]

Just dumping some reaction memes! Finally trying to keep my archive up to date if possible.

[gifs-unhinged]

[blueberrytwoberry]

911 Most Likely to Kick Ass for a Loved One Power Rankings

Sometimes, an idea occurs and will not disappear, and you end up power-ranking the 911 main cast based on their willingness/likelihood to take someone out for a loved one.

(This started as a "the 118 crew discusses who they'd want to team up with in a zombie attack" fic idea, but i don't think I'll ever finish it, so)

Anyway, this is all opinion and made mostly in jest. Without further ado, the power rankings from most to least likely to kick ass for a loved one:

#1: Athena Grant

Seeing as Athena has shot the most people on camera to save loved ones, she has earned the top spot in the rankings. Athena has charged into a burning building to save her husband by shooting a sniper without hesitation, and I have absolutely no doubt that she'd do so again.

Willingness to Throw Down for a Loved One: 12/10

#2: Bobby Nash

Bobby gets second place despite not causing as much physical damage per person due to the number of times he's shown himself willing to throw down and because of the way I yelled when he grabbed an ax with the intention of getting revenge for Athena. 100% believe that if the show had ever given him a chance, he'd probably be in first place.

Willingness to Throw Down for a Loved One: 11.5/10

#3: Eddie Diaz

Technically, Eddie's taken out more people than Athena, and I'm fully counting people he has a bond of fellowship with as "loved ones" because love has many different forms, and not all of it's romantic. However, he doesn't get the first or second spot on the list because his actions occurred over the course of his job.

However, I don't doubt that he'd do whatever it took to keep a loved one safe.

Willingness to Throw Down for a Loved One: 10/10

#4: Chimney Han and Hen Wilson

Chim and Hen share a ranking because they demonstrated their willingness to take someone out to protect one another with each other, like the maximum besties they are. However, it's not their first choice. They're going to try reasoning with people and talking it out first. Still, unhinged kidnappers stand no chance when faced with their mutual devotion.

Willingness to Throw Down for a Loved One: 7/10

#5: Maddie Han

Maddie's shown willingness to resort to violence when necessary and was ready to go for a gun when those jerks took over dispatch. However, her history with violent behavior makes me think she'd hesitate unless very pushed. Still, I think she'd get there.

Willingness to Throw Down for a Loved One: 5/10

#6: Buck Buckley

Buck freezes in situations where someone he cares for faces a threat. While he has acted violently at least once (arguably twice, depending on how you interpret the Gerrard x Saw (my OTP) scene), it's not how he reacts on behalf of others.

Willingness to Throw Down for a Loved One: 0/10

[witchofthesouls]

So is that pretend marriage Cyber au in space, does that mean Smokescreen is the normal one while Optimus and June is that weird couple that vibes on a different level?

If this is the Do As the Romans Had Done idea, then yeah. Optimus is just that buff need that's really quiet and serious, yet unintentional feral and/or terrifying. And June, while able to blend into mundane societies, has a really broken scale of a Danger sense.

I'm definitely keeping it as Other!Au, but now I'm leaning that June comes from a long line of magic-users: alchemists, sorcerers, enchanters, and what not. Think of them between deep in the mystical many-kinds-of-arts and unhinged field work scientists.

And that's why June isn't too freaked out about everything because this species-swap with an impromptu space adventure isn't the weirdest shit that happened in the family.

Smokescreen is the normal guy from a civilization that fell to an inconceivable scale of planet-wide infighting, but he attributes any weirdness from the others as "Oh, they used to humans, so it's a learning curve" and "Primes doing Prime-things."

Meanwhile, Optimus is climbing extreme cliffs to reach a stray goat without a by-your-leave or safety rigging and more than capable of fishing with his bare hands off a waterfall to use it as a teaching moment for vocabulary and anatomy structures for the kids.

June, while is more affable and likes chit-chat over recipes and the weather, is also the person that made a deal with a fae that's an Archivist in a forgotten library beneath a massive cave system to hunt down extremely rare specimens that were once predominant in textile spellcraft for protection and health. That deal ended with Jack, by the way, so he's still a spooky fae-child.

Smokescreen is deeply engrossed by Optimus in a bar: really terrible at small talk but more than able to consume fuel that's used for stripping rust infections from a tank without a grimace and starts a fist fight when someone tries to drug another person's drink without them knowing.

June is in a shadowy corner doing a secret handshake with an indescribable stranger because she recognizes their cloak's stitching and scented tobacco from her (several greats) grandmother's fellowship. Now she's back to doing odd jobs or quests.

Smokescreen rationalizes it that June was a medical professional for humans, so it isn't too out of the realm why she's interested into toxins because he's more distracted by Optimus dropping bombs that he consumed hallucinogens as a sparkling and managed to survive to make to Iacon.

[sixofpomegranates]

➢ Eddie Munson’s way of reading books.

{TW: MILD mentioning of Eddie's asshole dad, bullying from other kids (PASSAGE IS MARKED WITH A WARNING SIGN), ADHD}

It took him longer than other kids to learn how to read.

⚠️—It was a mixture of struggling with word pronunciation, other kids bullying him for “being stupid,” and the lack of help from home. His mom tried, but his father often insisted that it was unimportant because “the boy’s an idiot.”

Once he got the hang of reading and discovered that he could read his fantasy books now whenever he wanted and not only when mommy had time to read to him, he never put them down.

Can only read when it is completely silent. People talking, music, the tv... Everything is a distraction for the poster child of ADHD.

Loves comics.

*cough* Heavy Metal Megazine *cough* Garfield is also top-tier for him... A different tier, though.

Has thrown a book across the room before.

He was mad at the plot twist. So mad.

This is how he mostly holds his books ↓↓

Everything is a bookmark. ↓

When in doubt, dogear your page. Smooths out anyway.

Want to mark an important page? Dogear it forever.

What's a bookshelf? Those suckers get stacked wherever there is room.

The Heavy Metal Magazines are partially pushed under the bed... In case he wants to read something at night. No other reason... Really.

He annotates his books. ↓↓

Very thoughtful at times, unhinged bullying of a stupid character & dirty jokes at others. Also doodles into them. His handwriting is messy, the underlining a mess, but books are a home to be lived in.

Part of his courting process is to buy you a copy of Lord of the Rings. 💕 (either The Hobbit or The Fellowship of the Ring. Most likely The Hobbit.)

He loves it so much & wants to share his favorite books with you—even though he feels a little vulnerable and is scared you might not like them. He made sure to annotate it beforehand, explaining, commenting, and drawing into them for you. For him, it is the epitome of romance.

[tathrin]

6. Favorite character in all of Tolkien's work?

Legolas. I realize this is probably the most transparent answer of all time and you probably wanted something more interesting, but I love his unflaggingly upbeat spirits in the midst of such a bleak quest, and his sassiness, and I love that he's at once one of the more chill elves we meet and yet also ready to throw hands at a moment's notice. He's just an utter DELIGHT...and then when you throw in the heartbreak of the Sea-Longing (which gets me in ways that I cannot even articulate and always has) and the fact that he stayed despite that until all his friends were gone except for Gimli, whom he took with him omfg—! Like, not to sound like Gimli on main, but how do you look at this utterly absurd elf and NOT love him?

HOW DO YOU NOT WEEP AND FALL IN LOVE AT THIS:

And now Legolas fell silent, while the others talked, and he looked out against the sun, and as he gazed he saw white sea-birds beating up the River. 'Look!' he cried. 'Gulls! They are flying far inland. A wonder they are to me and a trouble to my heart. Never in all my life had I met them, until we came to Pelargir, and there I heard them crying in the air as we rode to the battle of the ships. Then I stood still, forgetting war in Middle-earth; for their wailing voices spoke to me of the Sea. The Sea! Alas! I have not yet beheld it. But deep in the hearts of all my kindred lies the sea-longing, which it is perilous to stir. Alas! for the gulls. No peace shall I have again under beech or under elm.' 'Say not so!' said Gimli. 'There are countless things still to see in Middle-earth, and great works to do. But if all the fair folk take to the Havens, it will be a duller world for those who are doomed to stay.'

Add to that the fact that I've been obsessed with elves literally forever, I mean before I ever read LotR, and he was The Elf of the Fellowship...I mean, I would have fallen in love with him anyway on that basis alone, because he's The Elf we get to spend the most time with, but the fact that his introduction is just "a strange elf clad in green and brown"...that's it, Frodo? That's all you can say about him? He's "strange" and dressed like a tree? LMAO. Come on, he's ridiculous from the moment we meet him, of course I love him. And then "I go to find the sun"? MY GODS. THIS FUCKER. YES.

And then him and Gimli? Who absolutely should not be friends AT ALL, but end up being so fucking entwined that they sail to Valinor forever...!? Who go from zero-to-sixty in like two weeks, and are then so ride-or-die that they're even ride beyond death, fuck. "Yet you comfort me..." / "He stands not alone!" / "While Gimli lives, I shall not come to Fangorn alone..." / "Where you go, I will go..." / We have heard tell that Legolas took Gimli Glóin's son with him because of their great friendship, greater than any that has been between Elf and Dwarf. If this is true, then it is strange indeed: that a Dwarf should be willing to leave Middle-earth for any love, or that the Eldar should receive him, or that the Lords of the West should permit it...

HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

(And that's not even adding-in my own personal interpretation of Mirkwood as a bunch of half-feral unhinged cryptids.)

[save-the-villainous-cat]

*deep breath, dee* I’m not here to fight…as an avid Tolkien reader, what are your reasons for hating the Hobbit movies? How, pray tell, are they so “terrible”? I’m just curious. That’s all.

Is it the cinematography? The actors? Missing scenes? Give me something here. So many people hate on the movies but never give reasons. It starts to feel like it’s because it’s simply not LOTR- and the fact that there’s an age gap. The Hobbit is baby. LOTR is everyone’s great grandmother who makes you warm cookies every time you visit.

Oh boy, here we go.

Lucky for you, I am an unhinged movie nerd and I have lots of food for you on here…

When we talk about the Hobbit, we also have to talk about Lord of the Rings. The Hobbit got published in 1937 and is a fantasy novel for children. Tolkien wrote this book for his kids, so it was a silly story with a simple moral. An episodic narrative with a message about greed and trust, adding lots of adventure and fun. It’s one of the best-selling books ever written. It’s a classic.

Fellowship of the Ring got published in 1954 and is not intended for children. Simply, Allen & Unwin (Tolkien’s publisher) wanted a sequel to the Hobbit and Tolkien provided with a story that is more mature. Because his kids grew up. And those kids who had read the Hobbit had also grown up. Which made Fellowship a perfect story for those grown-ups/teenagers.

And that’s the thing. Fellowship works as a sequel. The Hobbit does not work as a prequel.

We have two completely different stories here on our hands: a story about a ring a bunch of people would like to have and a story about dwarves fighting over their home and…a bunch of treasure. The central conflicts have nothing to do with each other. The Hobbit doesn’t set up the worldbuilding of middle earth, doesn’t tell the story about Sauron nor the rings. And that is because it is not a prequel. It is its own story with its own central conflict.

This made this book a bit difficult to adapt. We either have the chance to turn this childlike story into a movie or turn it into a trilogy that works as prequels to Lord of the Rings (which they desperately tried to do here). I’m not saying there wasn’t any other way — I think they should’ve let Guillermo del Toro do his two movies (as originally intended) that included the overall spirit of the books and could be their own movies without having to reference Lord of the Rings all of the time but we ended up with three movies that can’t be their own thing because trilogies and because money.

The Hobbit is a relatively short book. Roughly around 95,000 words. Fellowship, just Fellowship is around 187,000 words. And it makes sense to make a movie trilogy out of a book trilogy, especially because those books follow a much more Hollywood structure.

But get this. We take the Hobbit with roughly 95,000 words. And we turn this book into a trilogy which leaves us with nine acts in total. Nine acts which leads to adding a bunch of stuff to fill all the plot points. A bunch of mini climaxes that go nowhere, character movements that come too early or too late, adding characters and subplots that absolutely no one asked for (at least of all the story).

For example, the scene at the end of the first movie where Thorin respects Bilbo is way too early. Their relationship doesn’t evolve at all in the second movie. Sure, they fight or whatever in the third movie but wouldn’t it have made sense to show Thorin’s respect for Bilbo when Bilbo frees the dwarves in the barrel plot point? It was originally set to be there but now that it’s not, the barrel plot point is super weak and doesn’t work for character/relationship development at all. It is there because the plot needs it to be there. Bilbo doesn’t have to prove anything, he just does it because the plot needs him to.

And why is that? Because we needed this little climax at the end of movie one (because storytelling and story structure) where Bilbo, a character who is known for his intelligence, who is — unlike the dwarves — not a fighter, fucking knocks over an orc. Don’t tell me this was character development. If this was character development, then he would’ve started killing orcs in movie two and three. Bilbo is not a fighter. He is characterised by his wits. But because the plot needed him to, he had to do this. Weirdly, he doesn’t really do it again, does he?

Originally, the first movie was supposed to end with the dwarves arriving at Erebor/Laketown with movie two starting with getting into Erebor. Smaug’s death would’ve been the midpoint of movie two. Not the most anticlimactic thing to have ever happened in movie three.

Seriously? You kill the main antagonist before the opening title? What were these guys thinking? The death of the Cumberbatch lizard was supposed to be the thing and they just killed him off in the most anticlimactic way ever, thanks to the structure of turning a little book into three movies.

Which makes us watch a bunch of stupid shit: dwarves are — according to the Desolation of Smaug — fire-resistent, we get scary CGI, we get the White Council because, guys, have you heard of lotr, we get a horrible love triangle, a horrible Tauriel who has no character whatsoever, we get Legolas, because guys, remember this trilogy you liked when you were younger, do you remember lotr, we get a river fight scene that is unnecessary, we get Galadriel x Gandalf for whatever reason, a Beorn chase scene, a random trip to Angmar that leads nowhere, Elijah Wood because, hey guys, do you remember LOTR? We get Radagast with poop on his head because we need to tell the people the forest is dying and something bad is coming because lotr, remember? We need Sauron in here because…wait a minute these movies try to be prequels to Lord of the Rings??

It doesn’t work like this. The Hobbit is episodic and not related to Lord of the Rings plotwise. Yes, Bilbo finds the ring but that is that. Help, the ring is actually evil is the only thing that connects these two stories. Nothing more.

But now, we have these three movies full of stuff that doesn’t make any sense, full of characters that stand for nothing, full of contradictions, full of — sorry — bullshit because we needed three movies and as much lotr in it as possible.

Why is Tauriel there? Why is Legolas here? The Necromancer was a plot device to separate Gandalf from the dwarves (which was important for dwarf/Bilbo bonding time) but now the Necromancer is Sauron? Why? Why?

There is more wrong with this trilogy (and don’t get me started on all the stuff regarding the production/New Zealand) and if you’re interested in that, you should watch Lindsay Ellis’ videos on YouTube. She’s an amazing writer and movie critic — a great inspiration— and sums up my thoughts on it pretty well.

But I hope this is somewhat understandable? As someone who grew up with the Lord of the Rings, I am very passionate about these movies and the nostalgia they give me. It is very sad that we ended up with something like this and not Guillermo’s version. Like…c’mon if I recall correctly, these movies came out in December which makes them perfect Academy material and the Academy loves Guillermo…win win for everybody, but no…