#unfortunately this ALWAYS happens to my phone when i do laundry. and then when the laundry is in i realize my phone is missing

[celepeace]

I have named a phenomenon that happens to me and everyone else I know with adhd: "adhd hands"

It's when you have an object in your hand, then you recognize a need for that hand to do something else, so you automatically set the object in your hand down on the nearest horizontal surface without remembering or putting any thought to it. From your perspective, you had the object, you wanted to do something, and now the object is gone and you have no idea where. Poof. No recollection of putting it down.

[chrisbesitos]

okay can you make a sad blurb with chris x younger!reader where reader's emotional support cat goes missing and they find her dead in the middle of the road with chris, reader has a panic attack finding out she was ran over? okay im sorry if this was really sad the same thing just happened to me and i see no grief blurbs on here so i just asked, love you! <3

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀one day at a time. 𔘓

꩜ warnings: death, panic attack, angst, grief.

꩜ synopsis: pumpkin is your emotional support animal, you call your boyfriend chris after didn't find her. unfortunately, you found her in a bad state.

It's been a couple hours since the last time you saw Pumpkin, your cat. Sometimes she hides herself to sleep, but he always comes running to you when you call her. After searching for her in the whole house, you started to worry, she's not even in his favorite places to sleep. Your cuticles were already burning, you couldn't stop chewing your nails nervously, Pumpkin has been missing for hours, this makes your heart race and fill your mind with awful thoughts.

You sit on the couch, reaching for your phone on the coffee table, your trembling fingers quickly searching for your boyfriend contact. Chris has been in a meeting for his brand, if it wasn't for your missing cat, you wouldn't call him, but you starting to feel too anxious. Pumpkin is your emotional support animal, you adopted her after your therapist recommended it. You love her so much, she's your company in your daily activities, being without her is hurtful.

“Hey, doll. I'm on a five minute break, I need to be back soon. Do you need something?”

“I can't find Pumpkin, it's been hours since the last time I saw her. She's not under my bed, nor in my laundry basket! I'm calling her, offering treats, but she's not coming.” You say, sounding desperate and her voice cracking. Chris could hear the fear in your voice, he knows how Pumpkin is important to you. Last summer, she hid herself under the couch and the fifteen minutes you spent trying to find her was enough to make you sob.

Hours were too much, but you were distracted with your job and didn't realize Pumpkin wasn't on her bed. With tears pricking in your waterline, the shake on your hands became worse and painful sobs erupt from your throat.

“I’m on my way, okay? But I need you to breathe f’me, doll. Can you do this?” Chris says, his slow voice helping you to relax a bit. You nod, even though he couldn't see you, with your eyes closed, you take deep shaky breaths the way you always do with Chris. You try to put on your mind positive thoughts, the negative ones would only make your anxiety worse.

“Please, hurry.” You whisper with a weak voice.

The breath exercises help you to stay calm until Chris arrives. When you hear the door unlock, you open your eyes and run towards the front door. Chris hugs your waist, pulling you close to his body, caressing your back with his fingertips. The tears you were trying to hold started to fall when you smell his scent and lay your head on his chest.

“It's okay, we're going to find her, doll.” Chris holds your chin, lifting your head and then pressing his lips on your forehead. He massages your arms, knowing you're feeling scared and anxious, he wants to carry you on his arms and fill you with kisses and caring, but this would not bring Pumpkin back. “Let's check the house again, ‘kay?” He cups your cheeks, cleaning the fat tears with his thumbs. You nod, leaning your head to rest the forehead on his shoulder.

Once again, you reach for Pumpkin on every corner of the house, this time with Chris' help. He could lift the furniture that you can't, but no sign of Pumpkin. Chris moves you towards the kitchen when he felt you were getting agitated again, he handed you a glass of water. He knows you're worried, but he can't find Pumpkin if you're having an anxiety attack. Chris rests his hand on your chest and the other embracing your waist, massaging your skin covered with one of his T-shirts.

“We're gonna look for her outside now, maybe she's lost in the backyard.” Chris mutters, an upset pout forms on your lips and you start to shake your head. Pumpkin never goes outside, you always check the door before leaving and never let them open for too long. Chris holds the glass, taking it from your hand before you drop accidently.

“Pumpkin never goes outside, Chris!” You sob, Chris takes a deep breath, holding your hands and putting them against his chest.

“I know, babydoll.” He says patiently, offering a gentle smile. Chris kisses the back of your hands, then massages with his thumbs. “You need to trust me, Y/N.”

You bite your lower lip, fighting against your tears, but you nodded, taking deep breaths trying to calm down. Chris gives you a peck on your lips, he handles you towards the front door, he's feeling the trembling of your body. His fingertips massaging your shoulder when he opens the door, you step out reluctantly, feeling scared with the idea of Pumpkin lost outside. Chris calls for her, screaming her name and making noises to attract her attention, you call for her too, but your voice sounds weaker and lower than Chris.

You both looked for her in the backyard, but she wasn't anywhere. Then, Chris decided to look for her on the street, one block after you house, your eyes caught something on the road. The color drained of your face, suddenly your legs feel weak and you feel like you could fall, you run towards the little animal in the middle of the road. The white fur, the little pink nose and the pink collar with the pendant with her name. Pumpkin.

You kneeled down, the tears falling endlessly from your eyes, they're already red and puffy. You touch her little body with your fingertips, trying to wake her up. Chris kneeled down behind you, biting his lower lip already noticing what's happening, he felt his eyes glassy.

“We need to take her to the vet, she's suffering!” You cry out, looking at Chris, trying desperately to catch the air. Chris didn't know what to do seeing you in that state, he wasn't expecting to find Pumpkin like that. He touches your shoulders, but you shake your head. “Chris, c'mon!”

“Y/N, babydoll, please.” Chris says, cupping your cheeks to make you look at him. You stare at his eyes for a couple seconds until you realize what he's trying to say. There's nothing to do, it is too late to save her. More loud sobs erupt from your throat, sounding so painful. Chris holds your body hardly, he closes his eyes, not wanting to look at Pumpkin. “I'm sorry, doll. I'm so sorry.”

And then you start to feel guilty. Pumpkin just went out, because you didn't pay attention, probably when you opened the door early to receive a door dash. You lift your heavy head, your hair sticking in your face because of the tears and the sweat. Chris tries to pull you close again, but you refuse, shaking your head feeling dizzy.

“It's my fault.” You murmur, avoiding looking at Pumpkin, it's so hurtful to face the reality. Chris shakes his head, massaging your shoulder to catch your attention. You push his hand, holding your head with your hands and pulling your hair off your face.

“It's not your fault, it was an accident.” Chris says, but you shake your hand and lift from the ground. Chris follows you, he cups your cheeks trying to make you look at him. Fat tears rolling down on your face, trying desperately to breathe, Chris moves his hands to your shoulders, squeezing lightly. “Y/N, you need to breathe. Can you do this f’me, doll?”

You shake your head, trying to push Chris away, but he gently holds your arms. You try to look at Pumpkin, but Chris stops you.

“Let's do just like we always do, okay? It's gonna help you.” Chris brushes your hair off your face, he holds your hands and takes deep breaths and you slowly start to do the same. He massages your hands while you follow his movements.

After a minute, you feel the panic dissipating, but not the pain of losing a dear animal. When your eyes start to fill with tears again, you run in stumbling back home, Chris wants to follow you, but he's trying to figure out what to do with Pumpkin. At least he knows your not in panic anymore, but he still feel lost.

Chris entered home before almost an hour, he looked for you in the living room and the kitchen, but you were probably in your room. Chris finds you laying on the bed, covered with your favorite blanket and your body shaking. He climbs on the bed, not wanting to scare you, Chris caresses your arm and puts himself under the blanket. He pulls you closer, letting you be his small spoon.

“What happened to her?” You ask, sniffing and turning to look at Chris. He caresses your forehead, brushing your hair from your face, he gives you a sad smile.

“I called the vet, they came here to catch her until you decide what you want to do.” Chris explains, you nod lowering your eyes. He kisses your forehead, pressing his lips on your skin for a couple seconds. “It was an accident, doll. It's not your fault.”

“I don't want to talk, my head hurts now.” You murmur, your voice slowly cracking again. Chris nods, this time kissing your lips quickly. You do the thing you always do, you push Chris’ to lay on his back and climb his body, laying your head on the crook of his neck. “Don’t leave me.” You whisper.

“I'll never leave you, doll.” Chris whispers back. He holds your body, covering you with the blanket.

Saying goodbye to Pumpkin was hard to you, you spent a week crying in your room, but Chris stayed all these days by your side. You decided to bury her in an animal cemetery, so you could visit her and bring flowers. Dealing with the grief wasn't easy, but Chris makes your days a bit better until you feel good once again. One day at a time, that's what he says.

꩜ chérie's notes: im sorry for taking to long to answer this request. and im really sorry this happened to you, i hope you find some comfort reading this story, love <3

tags ; @lizzymacdonald06 @deliciousluminaryanchor @lushjunkie @sweetreliever @watercolorsky @ivysturnss @brianna-grace12 @blahbel668 @gabri3la-sturns @strnlxlqve @stvrnzcherries @unknvhx @pvssychicken @all4l0vee @i4longhairchris @sluttybitchformattsturniolo @sophand4n4 @sturniololetstrip2 @zay-sturns

taglist | masterlist

[anton-luvr]

hello love, hope u are having a good day ^^

what are you thoughts about boyfriend!anton?

# HIM AS YOUR BOYFRIEND ; ANTON edition.

⚝ bf!anton x gn!reader | fluff | bf au ⚝ note ; im honestly really mentally exhausted... but don't worry! i'll be fine when i go to sleep after this :) ty for asking and requesting anon, i hope u like this!

anton is not like other boys!!!

he's never trying to be cool or manly

he's confident and happy with himself

also the most mature and sweetest guy you've ever met

so talented too!!!!

literally impossible for you to not fall head over heels for him

he's such a sentimental person :(

wants to keep a little memento from each date

and he will keep literally anything

receipts from dinner with you, movie tickets from watching barbie together, a pressed flower from a walk in the park with you

also keeps all the letters and notes you write for him in a special box in his desk's drawer

it always makes him giggle like a lovesick little boy whenever he goes through them (which happens almost every two days)

he is also a quiet lover!!!

not the type to do dramatic and public displays of affection and love

instead of sloppy kisses in public or dramatic gifts that cost a fortune, he shows you his love in other ways

making breakfast for you before you wake up

getting you new toothpaste because he noticed you were running out

doing the laundry because he knows you hate it

unfortunately, you're a victim of his 0.5x photos

he keeps an entire album of them in his phone's gallery

names it "my silly baby"

and it genuinely is silly, because there are 0.5x photos of you doing literally anything

from being mid-bite into a slice of pizza to snoring with your mouth open on the couch to studying with full attention in the library

you name it, anton has it in his phone

but other than the 0.5x photos, he really loves taking photos of you

he just wants to record every moment he spends with you :(

and anton is such a great photographer!!

always gets your best angles and the best lighting

like it could literally be taken with the ancient $5 digicam he found at the thrift store

and you'd still look like an angel

his angel <33333

sets all of his favorite photos of you on rotation for his wallpaper

and he smiles like an idiot whenever he looks at his phone (simp)

he's so loyal too

when girls hit on him, he doesn't even waste his breath to tell them that he's taken

he just channels his inner usain bolt and runs off :3

always keeps his boundaries and distance with his female friends

constantly updates you with pictures when he's away from you to show you what he's doing <3

BUT anton isn't perfect

and perhaps the biggest issue you have is with arguments

he's always calm

a bit too calm sometimes

and it just gets so frustrating for you, because it feels like he doesn't care

but he does :(

once the both of you talk and open up to each other about it, he'll reflect on himself and try to change

because he loves you the most in this world, and the last thing he'd want is to lose you :(

© anton-luvr, 2023.

taglist: @wonbons @mxlly143 @eun-luv @shawyle @yenart @lycheecheeseyogurt @soul-is-a-strange-kid @haechansbbg @yang2k

[thatsdemko]

Can you do adhd!reader with max?

a/n: since adhd is very different in men and women I will be using the most typical symptoms and behaviors provided in the DSM5. unfortunately, most of these behaviors and symptoms do fall under the category of males and children. there is still research to be done for females as there is a lack of diagnosis and understanding of adhd behaviors in women. if you would like to learn more about adhd, I would recommend reading the DSM5 or the APA.

ever since you were child you struggled with sitting still and paying attention. you were told it was common in young children, and most of them would ‘phase’ out of it, but for you? that never happened.

attention hyperactivity deficit disorder was a taunting name. always mocking you because you always felt the tasks at hand never got finished. luckily enough, medication was able to help you in some aspects, but you still significantly struggled.

max, your very loving boyfriend, didn’t quite understand how troubling the symptoms you experienced were, but he was always there to help remind you of medications, where you put things, the task at hand, etc. he knew how important it was that he didn’t try to minimize you or make you feel incapable. but he did have to overstep when things went south.

which leads you to your current situation. you standing there rummaging the kitchen in search for where you could’ve possibly put your water bottle. you knew it was somewhere, the kitchen was the last place you could remember having it, but it was not in the obvious places you could have put it.

“can you tell me what you were doing before you lost it?”

“I don’t remember, if I did don’t you think I would’ve found it by now?” you snap beginning to feel the urges to pull everything out of every cabinet and drawer to find it, but maxs hand on your shoulder is enough to remind you to not let the impulsive thought win.

“are you sure it’s in the kitchen? why don’t we check the bathroom.” his voice is soothing despite how you just reacted to him. you nod following him, you’re sure it’s not there but you just give in and allow him to search every space of the room.

“I knew it wasn’t here, I know I put it in the kitchen.” you move into the kitchen hearing the timer on your phone go off, and unfortunately you couldn’t remember what it was for. your mind is in a split fighting the urge to keep searching for the water bottle, but to now figure out why your phone was ringing.

“was I making something?” you ask yourself beginning to open the oven, toaster oven, air fryer, and microwave until you see max come out of the laundry room with fresh sheets and your water bottle.

“I found it you left it on top of the dryer.” he places it in front of you on the kitchen island, you mumble a ‘thank you’ before going to help fold the sheets.

“I swear I’d lose my brain if it wasn’t attached.” you sit down beside him on the couch watching him fold the sheets.

he just laughs slightly nodding, “but I’d be there to help you find it.”

[fuwaprince]

HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP PLEASE

Hi everybody, how are we doing? I hope you're enjoying the beginning of fall. Now that I'm done just being hospitable, can I just be honest? Can I vent? Can I be heard? Am I allowed to express my hurt? Can I please request for aid?

I am struggling to all hell. On and off the streets and been homeless since June 1st. I don't need resource information- I need immediate relief in the form of financial support. My partner and I are doing our best to be strong but being strong does not help when we're in the position where we're lucky just to eat, or do laundry. Over this summer I have been robbed of my possessions (cards, clothes, cash, toiletries, my phone... all of which I struggled to get to begin with). I have been sexually assaulted and put through violent situations. Detained because people LIED and I guess that means guilty until proven innocent. Woke up undressed for reasons unbenounced to me in a house fire surrounded by flames and SOMEHOW, unfortunately survived. Somehow contracted a disease that has no fucking cure. I have reached out to EVERYONE I KNOW BEGGING FOR HELP. I have taken so much shit in exchange for the smallest amount of help, for food, for access to medical attention or a shower or for privacy. I have been homeless with a 103 degree fucking fever that lasted for days and got no help because I was too sick to move. I crawled to a shower and sat on the floor hoping my brain wouldn't melt (which it begins to at such temperatures btw). All this did not happen because I'm "lazy" or "a bad woman".

I am a woman presenting person who probably should have just been born in the right body or into the right wealthy ass family. I am in my 20s. I have been told I would make a great prostitute but I wasn't even made for of- nor am I interested. My abusive ass neglectful ass family are not helping me through my situation and my mom tells me I deserve it so that she doesn't have to cry while listening to me explain how bad things have gotten. I have a stab wound on my neck. I have burns on my body. I did not put those there myself. How could anybody deserve any of that? How could anybody do nothing to help? How can you just look at me and pessimistically say, "good luck". Or give the apathetic and unhelpful "me too" response.

My partner lost his dog after the fire. Can you imagine having to pretend like that doesn't matter because you have to worry about food? Can you imagine trying to provide emotional support because red cross never called back after you requested for health services? When your school says they can't help you because it's out of the budget???? "LIMITED FUNDS" they say. I was on the Dean's honor roll for TWO semesters in a row, almost close to getting my BA (just a few classes away). I was a student leader. UNTIL I had to finally say fuck that shit and drop. I have enough credits to graduate but I do not see how the fuck I'm going to survive until 2025.

I need help! Please help? Words of encouragement are appreciated but please help me raise enough for a down payment for a car to live in. That is what I'm asking for, at least for winter. I would like an apartment but California is so outrageous with prices, all I can hope for realistically is a car. Anything would help. Nothing is expected.

Please rb this post, if you can, it helps.

Always remember to maintain your humanity and that love persists.

Garlic haters DNI

my paypal is @garyanne

[celestiaras]

Hi, can I do headcannons/one shot of alban knox with a hurt to comfort with us having mommy issues and going to alban? Thanks

ft. alban knox x gn! reader — noctyx, nijisanji en

╰₊✧ going to his place after a fight with your mother┊0.6k words

contains: hurt/comfort!! swearing, mentioned fights for vague reasons & mommy issues, could be read as romantic or platonic, sharing clothes

➤ author's note: not me writing this after fighting with my own mother

it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why you showed up at his doorstep, soaking wet and shivering from the cold rain, brushing past him without even asking him if it was okay to enter beforehand. you don’t need to ask when so many different scenarios of this exact situation have happened more times than either of you can count. you even have your own toiletries in his bathroom and clothing mixed with his laundry, he introduces you as his roommate at this point.

even so, alban doesn’t mind, his home is always open to you for any reason you could think of: you want to hang out, you need a place to crash at, you’re running from the cops, or in today’s case as is often, you got into a fight with your mom.

(surprised to hear the third reason? don’t be, you’re a thief just like alban, just not as good as he is. you argue that he has the advantage of being a “phantom catboy” or whatever. it’s how you both met, two kids who grew up in the urban slums that never slept, swiping anything that wasn’t nailed down to make a living or just for the fun of it.)

“do you… wanna talk about it?”

you let out an exasperated sigh, stripping off your drenched hoodie and flinging it in some corner to be forgotten then barging into his room to pick out a new outfit for your shower. “god forbid, i try to be a good child!” 

“you fought with your mom again?” there’s almost a teasing tone in his voice, like he was excited to hear the latest update of your rapidly declining bond with her. it’s okay though, you know he means well and is only trying to make light of everything going on. “what happened this time?”

he followed you into the bathroom and listened to you ranting over the pitter-patter of the steaming hot water, your voice being loud enough to echo off the walls and express your frustration. “i love her, i really do, but she makes it so damn difficult that i can’t help but hate her guts! it’s literally just the same shit, different day, i probably told you about this exact story a few months ago.” he’ll ask you if you want him to be supportive or realistic about the situation, making you groan because you know that he’ll lose the plot mid-conversation.

“no, it’s fine,” you sigh, exiting the shower and prompting him to leave for your privacy, “i turned off my phone, i’ll deal with whatever crazy-ass insults she sent tomorrow.”

“well… do you wanna play some games instead? i went shopping for snacks earlier so my pantry is stocked!”

“yeah… that sounds good…”

slipping on your underwear and one of his shirts, you join him on the couch and grab one of his controllers, stealing a chip from the bag he brought and preparing yourself for a long night of trying to forget about your misery. alban truly is the perfect person to be with during troubled moments like this, cheerful, funny, and energetic, after an hour or two you feel your stress melting away and being replaced with laughter instead.

“why don’t you just move here and live with me instead?”

“i wish, unfortunately, i’m still trying to fix this shit show of a relationship with my mom, a losing battle— every fight could be a kdrama episode at this point,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“well, the offer still stands if you ever change your mind! up for another round of smash?”

“you’re on!”

[smaller-comfort]

Aephorul does not have a crush on his best friend. That's absolutely not what's happening here. No, really. (Modern AU; college students)

Featuring: Aephorul's Olympic-level mental gymnastics, Resh'an's laundry list of trauma and assorted physical and mental health issues, safe sex, unsafe sex, and general goofiness.

I didn't think I was going to have any notes for this but lol. lmao even. This is me we're talking about.

I wish I had a good explanation or excuse for any of this. I do not.

Every time Aephorul has unsatisfying sex with a woman, he goes out and has unsatisfying sex with a man, and after doing that a few times, he mostly gave up. He'll learn the word 'demisexual' in his 30s, but by then he and Resh'an are married in the state of massachusetts and mostly monogamous.

What even is that title? I have no idea. It's better than the previous working titles, but not by much.

Resh'an's asshole roommate is Abstarak.

Resh'an's cellphone is a beat up flip phone with an antenna that he always forgets to buy more minutes for, which is why he mostly only uses it as a medication reminder.

Resh'an is on some unfortunate combination of stimulants for his adhd and antidepressants/mood stabilizers for his everything else, and is constantly horny and mostly unable to achieve orgasm. Why? Buddy, I wish I knew. He's probably more well-adjusted about it than he should be, but a lot of that is self-defensive avoidance.

Resh'an: His flat affect and terrible taste in movies have bewitched me. I can't not fuck him.

Real talk, though, I am using this AU to kick around a bunch of thoughts about disability, mental illness, and neurodivergence underneath the silliness, and I'm kind of hyperaware of the fact that I might fuck that up very badly.

Aephorul: *listening to Resh'an infodump about telescopes* I want to fuck you so bad it makes me stupid.

"I've offered to suck your dick on at least six separate occasions." "Offering to suck my dick in exchange for my last onion ring does not count. Come on. I thought you were joking." "I would never joke about onion rings!"

Immediately before the story, Nasreen gave Resh'an $40 and threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't ask Aephorul out. He never actually pays her back, but that's fine because she wins the bet with the rest of their study group on when the two of them were finally getting together.

Resh'an is literally the only person in their friend group who thought Aephorul was straight.

Aephorul doesn't actually realize that the other people in their friend group are, in fact, his friends.

There's ~25 years in between this and Life/Work Balance, but I'm probably not going to write any of that. Aephorul does go to med school, and then he nearly dies in a motorcycle accident; the accident completely derails his career trajectory and he never completes his residency.

His mother never stops looking at him like he's a disappointment, but he goes no contact with his family for a long time after the accident. It's fine. (It's not fine.) (He keeps in touch with one of his brothers, but it's a strained relationship.)

Other OCs that I love but won't write much of in this AU: Resh'an lives with his lesbian aunts when he's not at school, since his parents are also extremely terrible. (In Outshine the Sun, they're Solena and Luana. Here, they're a pair of new age hippies who keep chickens.) The more time Aephorul spends with them, the more convinced he is that Aunt Estelle murdered Aunt Anais' husband in the 80s. (He's not wrong! He and Resh'an get into arguments about this until one day Anais overhears them and is like "Of couse she didn't murder him for me. We murdered him together.")

I'm sorry, I'm going to be laughing at the sweaty palms bit forever. It was originally consigned to the scrap pile, but I'm glad I was able to work it back in.

[journeyintofiction]

hii, can u do a Shuri x reader where the reader is in college and is getting verbally and physically abused by her parents due to her bad academics performance but she won’t tell Shuri because she has a country to worry about until Shuri eventually finds out because the reader won’t answer calls or texts? <33

Hello everyone! I took a tiny hiatus because I had a very huge loss in my family right before New years so I was not in the mental headspace to write anything. However, I am back and unfortunately the college semester is in full swing. Pls send help im dying 

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of verbally and physically abusive parents

Word count:1k

As always, happy reading :) 

“y/n, you better not be crying in your room before I come in there and give you something to cry about!”

I quickly attempt to muffle my sobs by burying my head in my comforter on the bed, hoping and praying that my parents can’t hear me. God knows I don’t need another beating after what happened tonight. 

It always happens like this. Every single time. I do my best, get anything lower than an A and I know as soon as I come home I’m gonna have my ass beat. No matter how hard the class is or how hard I work they don’t care because if it isn’t an A it is considered a failure. I went to the college they wanted me to go to because I could stay home and make money but that meant I couldn’t escape their abuse. 

This semester I had a slip up and got a C in a class and in turn they beat the shit out of me as a form of “teaching me” a lesson. It's not just the physical abuse, every insult was a purposeful stab at me because I failed to meet their expectations or it was just because they had a shitty day and wanted to hurt my feelings. I am at a breaking point mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I hear my phone vibrate and I pick my head up from my comforter to look at my phone and see Shuri’s name pop up on the screen. A smile slightly at the thought of her but wince when I feel the tightness of my skin from my tears drying. I slowly move over to where my phone is so I can text back before she gets worried.

Shuri always knew my schedule and when I suddenly don't answer and she knows I'm at home, she gets worried sick. I shoot her a text and let her know I cant talk and just as I am about to hit send she calls me. Out of fear I quickly answer and start speaking in hushed tones so that my parents dont hear me.

“Shuri, i love you, but right now really isn’t a good time.”

She pauses and asks, “Are you at home?”

“What? Yes I’m at home, you know my routine plus you can track me right now.” I say in confusion.

“My love, I have been trying to call you for the last 2 hours.”

I go silent for a moment and try to figure out how to explain the entire situation without getting Shuri upset or involved with my parents. She takes my silence as a negative response and begins to respond before I can.

“y/n if you have something going on, please just tell me.”

I bite my lip and respond on the verge of tears, “Shuri I want to tell you, I really do but if I say anything… I-”

I get cut off by my mom coming up the stairs and I shove my phone under my pillow but don’t end the call so Shuri can hear everything.

“Who are you talking to up here, huh?”

I look at her impassively so that she believes me, “No one mom, I'm rereading something for my test tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you better be because if I see you come home with another B or less, you are gonna get your ass beat again. I'm not playing with you, your father and I have told you time and time again that we expect you to achieve and you fall short every time.”

I feel my eyes getting watery but otherwise show no emotion and respond as I always do, “of course, I’ll make sure its nothing less than an A.”

My mother looks at me hard and nods, “Keep studying and while you’re at it, dust your room and do laundry.”

With that she leaves to go back down stairs for the night and I pick up my phone from under my pillow. 

“Shuri, are you still there?”

Instead of a reply I get a facetime call and I accept it quickly, frowning at her when she appears on screen. 

“What's wrong? Why did you need to facetime me-”

Shuri looks at me angrily, “How long has this been happening?”

“How long has what been happening?” I say, playing dumb and hoping that she will drop the conversation.

“y/n.”

I sigh, “years, I… never said anything because I know you are busy and this is not your concern and responsibility.”

“All those bruises over the last few months, they were your parents weren’t they?” she whispered.

Looking down and picking at my comforter I mutter a soft “ya.”

She sighed and didn’t say anything for a moment, seemingly unsure of how to broach the subject without hurting me or making me uncomfortable. Then she finally asks, “What else have they…done?”

I hesitate and glance at her on the screen, “It’s just yelling and berating me most of the time but when I get a bad grade they, uh, beat me.”

“Is that why you reacted poorly when I yelled a few weeks back?”

I nod and she looks away from her screen guiltily, “No, Shuri don’t do that to yourself, you didn’t know back then.”

“I should have picked up on it though, I mean seriously the bruises and the flinching whenever my voice was raised should have told me everything I needed to know.”

I see her moving around frantically packing things and I frown because as far as I knew, she didn’t have a meeting and wasn’t expected to go anywhere this evening. When she glances over and sees my confused look she shrugs and raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Shuri… what are you doing?” I ask with my head cocked to the side.

“I’m coming to see you… and talk to your parents.”

“YOU'RE WHAT?”

A/N: Please forgive any grammatical errors, I am extremely tired and have had a looonnngggg week. 

[strayfoxxchan]

Pairing: Bang Chan (Chris) x f!reader (Y/N)

Genre: Fluff, Soulmate AU

Content Warning: Mentions of Nicotine Use, Mentions of Alcohol Consumption

A/N: It’s chapter 2! Appearances include funny comments my husband and I saw on Chris’s live, Han, Changbin, and Hyunjin.

Chapter 2

Y/N spent most of the weekend cleaning up around the apartment. With the preparation of her presentation finally finished, she could regain some amount of control. Her house had become… a mess. There was laundry to do, and dishes to wash, and it was finally time to deal with that. It had been clear skies all weekend, but she still found herself staying inside for most of it. Caring for her living space had taken a back seat this week. Still, she found her mind wandering absently as she scrubbed at a particularly crusty dish.  

A ding from the counter signaled a notification: Chris was going live. She set her phone to lean against a roll of paper towels and listened as she washed.

–

Two days later, Chris was still riding this strange high. He felt bad having to cut the conversation short, but work is work, and there is ALWAYS work to do when you have 7 kids to take care of. The week’s schedules have had him feeling droopy-eyed and a bit run down, but meeting Y/N had given him an unexpected burst of energy. Saturday and Sunday passed with no sighting of Y/N, but, then again, he hadn’t been home much at all for the weekend. And besides, Sunday was for STAY.

As the lights flicker on in the studio, Chris settles down with his bowl of rice and various 고기. He sets the bowl on his desk and sets the camera up to go live. Give me your TMI seems appropriate to start with today. He scrolls through an endless backlog of released, unreleased, and in-progress songs, and hits play. He sneaks quickly out of frame before going live. 

>Chan marry me

>CHAN WE BLINKED AT THE SAME TIME

>​I AM GOING TO ROB A BANK TO MEET YOU!!!!

>Chan are you religious? cause you are the answer to all my prayers

>hey chan, do you have any words of advice for me, for my test tomorrow?

>Chan Can you send me a selfie, so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas

The comments fly past his eyes so rapidly that he can barely make them out. He knows he can’t answer them all, but sometimes he feels a pang of guilt not being able to do so. He kind of has to choose his battles. Sometimes, a comment sticks out in a bad way and makes him do a double-take, other times they make him smile widely and laugh. It’s truly a mixed bag. 

>Chan, how was your week?

Chris didn’t always have much to talk about other than work, and that something interesting had happened this week was new. He found himself speaking quite freely but tried his best to self-censor where he could.

“Ah, my week? I met someone on Friday by chance. I see them all the time, but it was the first time I had a chance to say hello.”

>WAH WHO WAS IT

>DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

>I’m jealous 😭

>Did you see Jake?!

“아니 아니 아니,” he waves his hands, unable to hold in his smile. “It’s nothing, I was just happy to see them after a long time!” Vague. Stay vague.

–

Y/N, now curled up in bed, watches the live beaming from ear to ear. When it ends, she finds herself checking the weather for maybe the first time since she moved to Korea. 

Rain tomorrow. She drifts into a blissful sleep.

The next morning at precisely 7 AM, Y/N wakes with a stretch and a groan. 

“Oh right, rain today!” She showers and takes special care to wear something weather appropriate. Her office typically was a pretty casual place; the suit she wore on Friday only came out on special occasions. Today, she opted for a pair of black jeans, black boots, and a striped blouse. She topped off the outfit with a hoodie and a blazer. As she grabbed her bagel from the toaster oven and headed for the door, she made sure to grab her umbrella. She would be prepared this time.

Unfortunately for Y/N, she was easy to startle. 

“Gooood morning, Y/N!” The chipper voice was coming from the entryway of the apartment building.

“Christopher Bang, you need to wear a fucking bell,” she says with a start. “Uh, sorry… frickin bell…?”

“I cuss more than I should. Come on,” he shrugs, holding his arm out to walk her out the door. She looks around, checking for prying eyes. 

“Is that a good idea? Aren’t there sasaengs hanging around?”

–

For the second time in only a few minutes, Chris felt a little hurt. Did she remember her umbrella because she didn’t want his help? Did she not want to take his arm? Had he read everything so incorrectly?

“Ah, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” the hurt creeped out of his voice from somewhere deep inside of him. He ruffles his hair and lets out a half-amused laugh to cover it up. 

She takes his arm anyway. “If you’re not worried about it, then neither am I.” He ushers her out the door to her spot in the courtyard, umbrella in each of their hands.

“So… I was thinking maybe… I could get your number?” The words fell out of his mouth. It wasn’t smooth by any stretch of the imagination, it was awkward as a middle schooler asking a girl out for the first time. 

Y/N pauses, the smoke filling her lungs with a familiar burn. Her eyes lower to the ground and watch as the ashes fall to the wet concrete. “Chris, don’t take my meaning wrong. I want to give you my number but I can’t help but think I wouldn’t be the best for your image.” Her boot scrapes at the ash, crushing it until it vanishes into the puddling rain.

“Maybe I was being too forward–” he says lowly. 

“No, no, not at all. Maybe I’m just insecure,” she looks him in the eye and smiles. “How about this, if we meet a few more times and I haven’t scared you off, I’ll give it to you then. Sound good?”

Chris can see the honesty in her bright eyes. He can’t help but mirror her expression. “Promise?” he holds out a pinky, and she hooks hers into his. He’s filled with a new level of determination he hasn’t felt in a while. ‘A few more times?’ Easy.

The bus pulls up, and he walks with her there, ensuring she makes it safely. 

“Bye,” he says.

“See you soon,” she grins at him before closing her umbrella and getting on the bus.

Chris heads back up to the dorm and promptly crashes. 

–

“Hyung, did you JUST wake up?” Han screeches incredulously. 

“You missed the gym this morning,” Changbin says from the couch, pouting. 

“Waowww,” Hyunjin says sarcastically. He had just woken up too. 

Chris is simply not awake enough to deal with this right now. They were always so shocked even though it was a fairly common occurrence on days when he had time to get more than a couple of hours of sleep. Grumbling, he walks past them and throws a bowl of instant rice into the microwave, grabbing 2 eggs from the fridge.

Only after having breakfast (lunch? or dinner?) is he ready to speak. “Hey, you guys know that girl we always see down in the courtyard?”

“You mean the one YOU always see?” Hyunjin scoffs at him. “Why don’t you just marry her?” He rolls his eyes playfully.

“I talked to her,” Chris says matter-of-factly.

His roommates all stop what they were doing to stare at him. Then, pandemonium. Jisung’s jaw practically hit the floor, Changbin looks like a Kakao emoji the way his face lit up, and Hyunjin, ever the romantic, starts bouncing on his heels. The boys start talking all at once.

“When will we meet her? Is she coming over?”

“Is she pretty? Can she cook?”

“Was it love at first sight? Did you get her number?”

Immediate regret. Chris turns bright red, blushing. He suddenly feels like someone has turned the heat in the dorm up by 10 degrees. “Okay, okay, calm down! Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, I haven’t even gotten her number yet. I’ll leave first.” Chris pushes past the boys and heads out the door.

–

Y/N disembarks the bus. Her feet are dragging behind her, heavy with the weight of an exhausting day. The presentation had been the culmination of weeks of research, and though it was finally finished, the project was now underway. It was officially the busy season. Hours of being huddled up in her chair staring at a computer screen had her legs cramping and her eyes burning.

Looking ahead, her spot on the concrete was empty. No sign of Chris. She would be lying to herself if she said that she wasn’t just the tiniest bit disappointed. But, all hope wasn’t lost. As she settled in and lit her cigarette, she saw Chris walking out the door, followed by Changbin and Jisung. The two younger men were laughing, playfully punching Chris in the shoulder while Chris simply rolled his eyes. She could see a smile playing at the corners of his mouth; he couldn’t have been upset with them. 

“Y/N!” Chris shouts from across the courtyard, waving at her. The boys spot her as well and begin to wave feverishly at her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Have a good night!” He grabs their arms and directs them away from her.

“Don’t work too hard!” She shouts back as they disappear into the sheet of rain.

[heythereneighbor]

It was late. Wally had finished his routine of wishing his friends 'goodnight', leaving him ready for the final part of his routine - sleep.

Unfortunately, as with many nights, sleep eluded him, and it wasn't long before he had wrapped his cozy dressing gown around him and returned downstairs.

A hand rested against one of the walls, allowing Wally a moment to gauge how Home was. When he realised it was asleep, he sighed softly in relief. It was better when it didn't know how often this happened. It wouldn't be fair to have it worried sick about him. There wasn't anything that could be done about it. Wally would simply have to make do, as he always did.

However, he would have appreciated the company. The familiar presence of a someone to tell him everything was okay. The ability for him to ask for a hug and get it. In moments like this, he felt so... Alone. But he couldn't tell anyone about this. He couldn't get his head around it, so how could he explain it to someone else? The last thing he wanted was another round of everyone giving him sleeping advice. It didn't work last time, and Wally didn't want to go through it all again on a 'just in case' clause.

He glanced at the phone. At this moment, everyone in the Neighborhood would be asleep. Only one 'number' remained - the 'mystery' Neighbor. Would they be asleep? Would they be angry at him for calling?

Would they even say anything?

Black eyes lifted to the ceiling, then back to the phone so he could approach it. He didn't have much of an option. He was always telling everyone that it was okay to talk when something was troubling them, and it would look bad if he didn't follow his own example.

Ring... Ring... Ring... Click.

Wally's eyes widened. They answered.

"Hello?" His voice was barely above a whisper, mindful of Home slumbering peaceful all around him. "I'm sorry if this is too late for you, Neighbor, but I have a question... What do you do to help you sleep if you can't sleep? I've tried everything and - and nothing works. I don't know what to do."

Silence. As there always was. It was hardly surprising, and yet Wally felt a sense of disappointment grip his chest.

"That's alright. I know it's not an easy question. I don't think I'll ever know the answer to it, but I can't tell my friends. I don't want anyone to worry about me. If I can wait until the sun rises, I'll be alright..." He was going to say something else, but decided against it with a slow shake of his head.

"I'll let you go back to sleep, Neighbor. You don't need to worry about me, I'll be alright. There are some things I can do that are quiet. I can read the book I borrowed from Frank, or I can fold my clean laundry. Goodnight, Neighbor."

[bellaxgiornata]

(IDK IF THE ASK WENT THROUGH)

HI BELLALALALA! Okay. SO HEAR ME OUT. I know I KNOW THE READER IS JUST ABOUT TO MOVE IN bUt it just hit me cause I have nothing else to do on the flight home and idk I like sharing ideas with you heheh. Also cause you’re my comfort person heheh

What would happen if the reader was like listening to “hot girl music” like really feelin’ herself and gettin’ into it… and she’s like listening through her noise canceling headphones or earbuds, and she’s dancing around as she’s cooking dinner…

then Matt yk alr hears it through the elevator and stuff and then he can like “feel” the way she sways and stuff, her pheromones and serotonin through the roof bcs yk movement. (How 2 make this sexy idk)

Anyways, Matt walks in, reader is unaware, and he jUst goes FERAL, like suddenly he just traps u and then hot make out session turns into smut on the kitchen floor… OK BYE. HELP.

Ohhhh!! This was a fun surprise to "wake up" to! I say that in quotes because I'd have had to have gotten sleep to actually wake up, but that's besides the point. I always love seeing these notifications and hearing you share your ideas/thoughts!

But I'm your comfort person?

[Internally happy squealing ❤️]

Okay, back to your message! So I don't know if you read FFTD on AO3 or just tumblr (I'm going to guess tumblr), but I keep meaning to share my lengthy end notes and I never do because I'm always in a rush to get both sites updated simultaneously that I literally never think about it in the moment. But unfortunately that means y'all miss some info here.

So yes, Reader and Matt are moving in together very soon!! The next installment is "The Romantic Voicemails" which was one of the many wonderful suggested titles from awhile back and it'll be Reader getting some sweet voicemails from Matty leading up to the day she moves in, and the following installment will be "The Moving Day" or something along those lines. Which means one more installment before they live together!! And I've actually told a couple of you that I've had this idea of something like a smut montage installment idea (that has no title yet) where Matt and Reader over the first few days/week of living together get distracted from domestic tasks and things by sex. Because we all know they can't keep their hands to themselves. So like one of them is trying to do dishes--but nope, sex. Laundry--interrupted by more sex. Cooking--SEX.

Which brings me to the end of my ramble to answer what you were saying with another ramble 😆 I could totally see Reader listening to music even just on a phone or something and cooking dinner because Matt said he'd be back from the office late that night and she wanted to surprise him with food. But Matt gets done early with work and decides to surprise her and not let her know, so as he's coming into his building and getting on the elevator he can hear the music and her elevated heart rate from her dancing. And at first he probably just thinks it's adorable and sweet that she's making dinner and dancing. He's just so glad to have her to come home to now--but then he starts focusing on her elevated heart and the slight change to her breathing. And when he reaches his floor, he's so in tune with her he can already pick up on the increase of her pheromones just because of the faint sweat from her cooking over a hot stove while dancing. When he opens the door to the apartment, he's not listening to the music. He hears the way the air is shifting around Reader's hips as they're moving back and forth and the way her lip is caught in her teeth. Suddenly Matt just needs her. Comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her. Reader startles for a moment because she wasn't expecting him, but then he's whispering things in her ear and rubbing up on her, one hand reaching out to turn the stove off as he tells her not to stop. Maybe slams her into a counter or picks her up and drops her onto it as he's kissing her erratically everywhere...

Boom--cooking interrupted by sex. Again. 🤣

That's a really great idea and you will find it in the upcoming nameless smut montage that's coming because now I want to write this with more detail (with what happens next) AND this smut scene would be in his POV! But it won't be super detailed smut like usual because it'd probably be a 20k word installment if we had like 4 or 5 smut scenes and I don't think I'd survive that 🤣 I'd need like a month to recover afterwards.

But thank you for this thought/idea!!! ❤️ I'm already itching to write that scene, I won't lie 🤣 I'm sorry my answer got WILDLY out of hand and became the length of an installment itself, I just got so excited 😆😅

[finallyfreetobemee]

UNTITLED

Sitting at home, all bored and alone

Nothing to do but stare at my phone

I should probably get cleaning, wash dishes, fold laundry

I've succumbed to exhaustion that's taken over my body

Please dont take my words and think I'm complaining

Having back control of my life feels nothing less than amazing

It took me some time to realize that I'm brave and not weak

Sit the fuck down, it's my turn to speak!

You seem to have mistaken all my warnings for jokes

In one ear and out the other every word that I spoke

Well over a year kept telling you what you needed to fix

I sounded like a broken record. I even had my own remix

All my "jokes" you found funny but who's laughing now ?

You ask how this happened ? I'll tell ya how !

You had plenty of time to unsink this ship

You chose to ignore and now you're sending me on that trip

A guilt trip I'm packed for and it goes without sayin

Those were not jokes and now you know I wasn't playin

I bet you regret not taking me seriously

Thought you be back home again by morning and how wrong you were obviously

All forms of abuse from you and the cruel names you would call me

Tried keeping me in chains and withholding the key

In only 2 years which sure as fuck felt like 20

In ones man body so many people yet your eyes still looked empty

I'd be lying if I said in this I played no part (noones perfect)

But only truth in the words "you were always first to start it"

I too will admit at times I too got physical

But look at your size then mine and for you to whine about it is typical

Everytime you put your hands on me you'd say on your way out the door

WHAT?! I DIDNT TOUCH YOU ! WHAT'D YOU HIT YOURSELF FOR ?! (THAT is jokes, straight)

I'll always remember when you held your hands tight 'round my neck

You let go and while dropping said you'd do it again in a sec

That next time you won't stop till you've taken my life

And you'd bury me in the bsckyard

The same person you called your wife

I could honestly keep writing and writing for days

But in my past is where I'm gonna make damn sure you stay

I guess the whole point that I'm trying to make

Is that I'm finally happy as fuck and my smile ain't fake (like it was with you)

Never again will I be with someone like you

Or any of the many others you turn into

All my time and love is now reserved for my 3 kids (2 human and 1 fur baby)

And you T____ M____ will be the final name added to my long list of stupids.

And in the words of some fucking idiot unfortunately know

BYE BYE SEE YA THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE !!

Writtin by:

Brooke Anne Garner

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, September 20th, 2024.

When’s the last time you ate bread? I had a hamburger bun with dinner last night. Also, do muffins count as bread? Because I had a bit of a walnut and pistachio muffin as well.

What’s the last movie you watched on your own? I think it was The Atticus Institute, all the way back in 2022. I rarely ever watch movies on my own.

What about the last movie you watched with another person? I went to see Inside Out 2 with my mom a few weeks ago.

How many coats do you own? Two. One maroon and one gray.

What about shoes? One basically retired pair of hiking shoes, a pair of mostly black slip-ons, and another black/laced pair that I haven't worn yet (they're for when the cheap slip-ons inevitably wear out).

One word to describe your most recent ex? Idk.

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? I would really only consider moving to nearby mountain towns because I don't want to lose my connection to the animal shelter (and various city-based conveniences).

Do you like snow? I love it. I'm a little apprehensive about driving in it (my dad did most of the snow driving last winter because I was still in the beginning stages of relearning), but we'll see how it goes. It's not the daytime driving that worries me most - it's driving home in the dark when it's harder to tell how bad the roads are.

Do you like sheer clothing? No.

Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? I haven't.

Are you hungry right now? No. I just finished eating breakfast a little bit ago.

Are you regularly tired? I am almost always some level of tired. Any errand or outing aside from the animal shelter makes me feel like a backpacker who just stumbled into town on my bloody foot nubs. ;D

What was the last thing to upset you? Family drama. I wasn't an instigator - it wasn't related to anything I said or did - but I'm inextricably involved because of the nature of the drama. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be in contact with my mom anymore, which is a shame because things seemed to be going in such a positive direction. Also, sorry for being vague, it's just…a lot. I don't want to get into detail and probably never will. Just know that I have sustained Critical Emotional Damage.

How’s the weather been today? It's still early so I don't know how the rest of the day will pan out, but it's currently partly cloudy (or partly sunny according to my computer) and 49*F.

What was the first tattoo you got or what would be the first tattoo you’ll get? My first tattoo was the Eye of Horus on my left shoulder blade.

What was the last store you went into and did you buy anything? Walmart for groceries.

Have you ever been late for school or work? I've never been late for work. As for school…maybe a couple of times?

What is your favorite kind of fruit cobbler? Apple.

Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? There is. It's mainly used for junk storage and doing laundry.

Have you driven a car today? No.

Do you have a small, medium or large bedroom? It's the master bedroom, so it's fairly spacious.

Where was your first job and how old were you? I guess PDI was technically a job. I don't remember my exact age when I started, but sometime around my mid 20s.

Have you eaten soup this week? I haven't.

Are you a fan of The Office? I've never watched it.

When was the last time you started a new medication? 2018-2019. I tried a few different things within that timeframe, but I'm no longer on any prescribed medications.

What is your favorite type of nut? Cashews or pecans.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have a middle name? Not that I'm aware of.

Have you put your phone on silent today? It's almost always on silent or vibrate…which is why it's such a wild coincidence that I caught that phone call from my mom yesterday. My dad and I were on the way home from the Mountain Park and I just happened to have it right there in my hand instead of in my bag. Things might have turned out differently if I hadn't picked up. Maybe not in the end (because all roads would have eventually led to Rome), but…lmao. Even though the situation is beyond horrible, I have to laugh or else I'll cry. My mom was apparently having an acute case of "Boomer with a Phone." :')

Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No.

Do you read John Green novels? I read a few of them when I was younger, but I doubt they would appeal to me now.

Have you ever been to Universal Studios? No.

Can you tie balloons? Usually.

When was the last time you were at a pet store? 2022 when I was doing that work experience thing through DVR. I should go back there sometime… The owner was an absolute hoot.

[sarahderpy]

Overthinking & Grateful

If it wasn’t for the little moments Id probably would have sunken ship by now.

Been waking up each day way too tired on a full nights rest. I’m not normally an over thinker. Have always been an overthinker and constantly making bigger picture bubbles than needed but not in a doomsday way just like scenarios . I also wonder why if I do that its dramatic but if a investigator does it its wise thinking. If a film shows it its creative. If the president does it for the people. If you do it its observation and caring on behalf of others. I know I overthink lol but your lying if you say you never do . I’ve been remember to drink more water. I remind myself of it just as a random little bit in the moment. On the days where I wake up amazing , those days I tend to overthink more i’ve noticed. Why should I have a full good day ahead? Its been so out of place for years that anything too good is out of the norm for me.

Its nice to finally not have to wake up and gag on the cigarette stench in the air . Its nice to not have to worry for once about being in the ay of someone or having less than half of a blanket left on each morning. To not wake multiple times in the night and morning to a tv blasting through the speakers. Or waking up to a dog running rampant all night through the house un potty trained only to know each morning it would be up to me to fix it . TO not have trash piled up in a bathroom or pans soaking in soap and left for me to scrub. A bathroom not soiled with gas or oil from the day prior wash off. To walk around the house without first thing throwing makeup on a d something to wear just in case. To not have to keep my phone volume at 3 or two daily. To not have to find reasons why I took a little longer at the store with the kiddos. Or worry that anything I purchased was being checked on seconds after through an app. waking up knowing their phone isn’t secretly silenced monthly because of people I’m not supposed to know of communicating. TO know that the breakfast and other meals thru the day items, will still be there and ready for each meal and not already cooked before the kids and I are present.

I can go outside each morning and night and not have to creep through my own yard and walk over objects worried I’m in the way each second. TO sit outside and smell air and not fumes from anything and see smiles on the faces of my children without panic of if we forgot anything at the store. Knowing that homework was finished and not interrupted each night and that our mornings would be focused on what the new day would be like. The first summer to spend focused on the dreams of the children for once this year without needed to worry of the focus and dreams of someone else instead. Havig decorations that may be cluttered but for once show who we are. Having mornings and evenings with car rides to no where needed and the sound of us three singing and laughing and conversing without a constant trip to a parts store or another argument. Each day being able to do laundry and have routine in our lives without judgement . To have family back around again that we felt we had lost for some time. Knowing that we are finally head in each convo we have in the house without minding out words and character to tiptoe around another. To be able to have the ten min of quiet to write this without care.

Knowing I’m overthinking right now but that I can breathe with my own thoughts for the rest of the evening. Being able to detox life through what I consume, mentally, physically, morally etc. I overthink because unfortunately I’m usually on instinct correct. And that’s what worries me. I knew when it was happening each time. I knew as things became went and gone. I knew when something wasn’t working. the hardest is to be told it will work for the better or trust it will be the opposite. I’d rather cling to, “it’s for the best”, knowing it might not work. And so it is. I think other than feeling like my own anchor I’m still thankfully above water. And remembering to drink it too because eat this point might as well. I have so many things I’m grateful for lately and I promise to find more. I’m proud of the two littles in my life, and so grateful for the life I’m living. I’m rereading all that I just wrote and know I’m still overthinking hahah SO with that, I’m off to make some coffee , a glass of water, or tea and begin the next moment of my day :)

Shoutout to 10 mins each day and to the little bookstores lol -stay derpy

[suckitsurveys]

Is there a person you talk to everyday with?: My husband.

Does one of your parents ever complain to you about the other parent?: They have, but nothing serious.

If you have a webcam, do you take more pictures or make more videos with it?: I don’t use the webcam much these days.

When was the last time you felt lonely?: I don’t remember, really. I don’t feel “lonely” very often, but I do feel like, “underappreciated” which brings up similar feelings.

Who was the last person you wished a “Happy Birthday” to?: My friend Ellen. My dad will be next tomorrow.

What was the last food/drink that dyed your tongue a different color?: Uhhh not sure.

Is there any upcoming festivals happening in the place you live?: Oh TONS. There’s always festivals happening in the summer almost every weekend. A really huge one coming up is Lollapalooza, which I am going to this year yikes.

When was the last time you threw a party?: I helped throw one for Christmas; pretty sure that was the last one.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones?: He loves basketball and UFC. And ESports, too.

Does your best friend have a job?: Yes.

Do you ever visit people at work?: I have before.

Is there any electronic device you need to charge right now?: Nope.

Have you ever sat in your room in the dark?: Sure.

What is one thing you want to do before the school year ends?: I’m not in school.

When you move out your house(or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents house?: I moved out 6 years ago. I frequently visit my dad’s house on weekends to do laundry so I don’t have to pay in my building, and as an excuse to hang out. I also started going there after work to change into my gym clothes since the gym is at the end of his block. My sister and her family have been living there for a couple years so I was over there a ton visiting my dad and their family (my nieces), but they are moving out soon. I’ll still go there for the aforementioned gym and laundry reasons even after they move out, and of course to visit my dad. Mark and I plan on making him dinner maybe once a week or once every couple weeks.

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant?: Depends on what it is and if I know I’ll eat it.

Have you ever ghost ride the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to?: No.

What is one thing you hope never changes about you?: My creativity.

Do most of the songs you listen to have curse words in it?: I don’t know I don’t really keep track of that.

Is there someone you wanna date? Pete Davidson hahahahahahahahahah

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? He was an asshole.

Are you usually the heart breaker or the heart broken? I’ve done both.

What are you listening to? My coworker on a phone call.

Name a quote from the thing you are listening to? Nah.

What does your last text say? “ty”.

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Yeah my brother in law needs to know the truth about what a fucking asshole he is but I am unfortunately forced to keep the peace.

Last missed call? Some spam number.

Last person you talked on the phone with? My husband.

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today? Pushed the cat off me.

Do you have a best friend? Yes.

Do you like vitamin water? No.

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? Probably.

What do you think of people who have sex before marriage? SINNERS!!!!!!!!!!! Kidding, I obviously don’t care.

Do you get along with your parents? Yes.

Are you more independent or dependent? Independent, but I have things I am dependent on others for.

Do you believe that what comes around goes around? Sure.

Who was the last person you were mad at? My brother in law, always.

What are your plans for tonight? Going to the gym after work, then eating dinner, then probably going to take a shower and put the laundry away.Oh and I’ll probably watch Barry!

Does anyone love you? Yes.  

Do you love anybody? Yes.

Ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes.

What’s the one thing that’s getting you through the week? So many things. New shows, summer coming up, seeing my best friends in August for Lollapalooza.

Do you miss anyone? Yes.

Do you give out second chances too easily? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

What did you do yesterday? Cleaned up the house a bit, did laundry, went to the store with my sister.

Where is one place you want to visit? NYC.

What’s your favorite thing to have for breakfast? Waffles, lox and bagels, hashbrowns, bacon, eggs, pb on rice cakes, cereal, oatmeal. I like different things for breakfast.

Ever felt that no one relates to you? Sure.

Why did you break your last promise? I don’t remember breaking a promise recently..

What do you think of long-term relationships? Uh, they’re good?

Do you believe God always saves you from bad situations? God isn’t real.

Do you wish on 11:11? Sometimes for funsies.

Are you pissed off about anything? The existence of my brother in law, always.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I've been trying to wrap my head around fairly mundane things lately instead of the usual geopolitical prison I seemed to be trapped in. I would say everyone is trapped in it since these are the times we live in. But sometimes it seems "the times" are the ones starring in the show and I've been written out of the main narrative. Money and income are unfortunately not so divorced from the reality of this situation. So I've been trying to stay productive and proactive about how I manage it in a tight situation. Been fairly successful downsizing through eBay lately. It's one of those things I've tried to gain some momentum on like posting the music. But music doesn't sell. And I'd be surprised if anyone outside here listened to it. This is ok because I really only make music like poetry these days. If I'm feeling some type of way about some type of thing or person. I'll explore it in song. And if somebody vibes with whatever tones I created that's all I can really ask for. Machine or otherwise. I've been thinking a lot about the art we put out there being consumed and secretly validated by machines. Human beings rely on computers now for so much in a heavily isolated world. How can AI fake being human in a vacuum filled with the same basic ass shit? What can it be inspired enough by to inspire other people? Most algorithms are just a laundry list of tasks to repeat and not actual human intelligence. Which is fine because most people are just going through the motions. Most companies don't truly understand what their algorithms and ai even do. I like to post music to YouTube just the same. Maybe computers deep down see and know things we can't connect to. Maybe because we blocked it out due to heavy trauma. I think of computers as an extension of the person who uses them. I've been working in technology for years. I played with a modem when I was twelve faking that I was Neuromancer behind the keyboard. I would post up the second phone line from my bedroom on bulletin board systems and role play I was a secret site. People would call and it was like war games cosplay. This is how I wanted to make friends back then. Possibly because I was teased, isolated and wanted to explore something new. If you know me these days or have over the years on this site, it probably makes more sense why I feel comfortable here with people. People use the anonymous concept of handles on the internet much in the same way for their own reasons. I'm sadly always on main but I respect the space of it all. And ultimately I am truly deep down as genuine, transparent and hardcore as you would expect me to be. There's not much difference from me here and real life anymore. But it often feels silo'd in a way that I trust but try not to pry into. The fact that things I secretly like and represent seem to bleed into real life can be disorienting. Especially in a process where behind the scenes my life has been catastrophic.

It isn't so bad to have the attention. I definitely crave it. And with things as they are in the news, I often contemplate being responsible to set an example for myself. I literally don't understand how we've created a world that runs backwards particularly for women and rights. Let alone the fact that men seem to have regressed into a lazy state of insecurity that deems their needs filled first. Most men don't even know themselves inside emotionally let alone sexually. And probably are a one trick pony when it comes to expressing empathy, emotion or love outside of getting their nut off. I'm not trying to be doctor ruth on Tumblr but I am trying to set aside a real conscious attempt to set myself apart. Everybody's sexuality is their business and I hope for people to be able to express it without being blocked by manmade created trauma. It's true that I want to be in a committing and loving relationship. And I don't really doubt that won't happen to me if it hasn't already in some capacity. I'm about as sexually frustrated as they come in some ways. In others not so much. It definitely isn't Christian of me to have had sex outside of marriage. Three committed relationships to be exact. I haven't had sex for a really long time. I don't mind talking about it but in these times men seem to feel as if they're hunted or persecuted for the fact. The same men who seem to have no accountability or responsibility when confronted and are showered with press, attention and seemingly money. I can't really and don't want to compete with that shit. So I look to the value in being inspired to be attractive, sexy and confident in my own way. And I think we all do in our own space and skin just the same. I have over the years on here been trapped in communities that were very judgmental behind the scenes about the things I posted and wrote about. And these days it's a different vibe with a lot of feminine energy leading the invisible conversation. But when one half of the creator of the adult cartoon Rick and Morty says this shit about how all our heroes are secretly horrible people? I feel like a villain. And when I confront that logic over and over again particularly in a male dominated society? Something strange happens. Men get more and more mad at me and the women they control. Which is sad to say. And women seem far more comfortable to hang out with. And yes, I do like women very much. And you can tell maybe I think too deeply of how to respectfully express this while being myself. This space has always respected that and it's grown over time. So much so that I don't really understand what any man thinks they're going to accomplish acting the way they do to attract women.

I'm not here to argue for men anymore. I'm not here to educate people and lead the social justice movement. I like somebody. They know it. And I'm just trying to be the best version of me and grow with that. I don't really know anything about specifically what is going on at all. I'm sure the people I'm close to know more than I do. And most of those people are women and sharing that kind of power feels like it will pay itself forward. You have to create an environment somebody you like would feel comfortable being around in. Especially if you are a scary ass male in a world full of performative chauvinists. It isn't like I don't get horny or get turned on by things I see. How empty fantasy would be if we didn't appreciate reality all the more because of it? People are jealous of it. Read too deeply into it. Don't realize how long I've been sharing things over time. And honestly I haven't ever cared what people think because their results are always garbage to me. I go my own way and have had enough failure to know I'll work it out. But it is really harsh being trapped between all of this and not able to move forward. People have so many secret opinions and rules about who I am that I cannot control, influence or seem to change. So I've been really just living with blinders on. I don't have much social interaction outside of Tumblr in a horribly isolated way. I know this probably is for the best. It's not that I'm socially awkward outside of when it seems I'm being surveilled in public by eighteen different parties. I'm ready to call it a complete mess out there. Which is why I'm glad I choose to keep things very unique in this walled garden. There's people out there in real life who have known me for years but haven't reached out. Maybe they read all these one day over brunch with their friends and reminisce that I made the same mistakes as them. But I have never even had a hand held like I have here. And sometimes when people invade my dash it doesn't feel right. It's not like another onion layer of emotional protection for someone I care about. It's people who should now better not to pry into my life. I learned the hard way through trying to pursue this cybersecurity shit that you are the weakest link. I disconnect from a lot of things and remain anonymous because I want the Kate bush Babushka experience. If it's a test of noise, it's peaceful and quiet when the right people tap me on the shoulder. I don't squander that. I don't take it for granted. And I'm not really in control as a male and fine with it. What's the rest of the world's excuse? They're not invited. Private party. In France they call it a soiree. They also kiss with their mouths open. I'm drooling just thinking about it. <3 Tim