finallyfreetobemee

[finallyfreetobemee]

How stupid was I to have given you not a second, third, fourth or fifth chance, but probably more around the range of the sixth-ninth chance . You really had me believing you this time though . That you actually FINALLY were putting in the effort to make the changes that needed to be made. So believable to the point where I finally felt like I could put the effort in to saving this relationship and that it wouldn’t be a complete waste of my time if I did because you never did for more than a week or 2, and then it would be right back to the same bullshit. Since the middle of September you had me fooled into thinking you were a changed man, up until just a few weeks ago when I slowly began to see the real you starting to break through. Little bit by little you would accidentally let it show and then would catch yourself and apologize and again, I started to wonder if you really were being genuine, or if this was all a big act to stick your hook in me and reel me in and once you thought you had me at that point where you weaselled back in and were comfortable enough with the feeling there was no chance I was going to be leaving you, or if I was, then it would be “my biggest mistake”, that’s when like a bat out of hell, the real you came exploding out in full force but always a little worse than the last time. I found out you were sneaking behind my back with some drunken coke whore, actually caught you on video picking up your phone and saying, “dont call” and hung up as we were getting ready to take our son for a walk. And even though you were caught on video, you STILL had the audacity to deny it and say that’s not what you said and that you said nothing at all. There is also a couple other really disgraceful, selfish, cruel and heartless fucked up things I found out that you had done that I don’t want to get into at the moment because I’m done shedding tears over your sick, cruel, childish actions you bestow upon me just because you know it would hurt me. The only tears I am shedding now in this last week are tears of joy, satisfaction, and relief that I am now free of you once and for all, as you have put the last nail in your coffin and I can finally breathe again. Thank you for that, for cheating on me and making this break up the final break up we will ever have to go through with one another, and giving me the utter most amazing feeling of being so proud of myself for finalizing this, and never feeling more relieved that this is over for good. Good bye.

[finallyfreetobemee]

I sit here in my living room, the same 4 walls I sit inside day in, day out. Ive never felt so alone, by myself, on my own in my entire life. It gives me this empty but nauseating feeling in my stomach. That must be the deep feeling of abandonment I'm feeling, or failure, never quite feeling like you've measured up to everyone's expectations. Not your parents, your kids, family, society. Everyone you've cared about in some way, shape, or form has left, or just slowly faded out like a candle at its last bit of wick , flickering, letting you know you'll soon be in complete darkness. At least that's what it feels like. Everyone you thought you could trust to the fullest, people you saw as family, your actual family, took what they wanted, what they needed you for and when there's nothing left, everything and anything they wanted is all gone, so are they. I put so much heart and emotions, feelings and trust, love and compassion , EVERYTHING, Into caring for people when the relationships all just ended up being built on false pretenses, ulterior motives, selfishness and greed and personal benefits. But I keep giving, even though I know this. I'm not being fooled, I know exactly what's going on when it's happening and it's not that I haven't learned my lesson, I just don't think I want to allow cruel, heartless, selfish people to change the person I am and my caring and nurturing, compassionate nature. I will give the fucking shirt off my back but don't take it. Does noone give a shit how their actions are going to affect me when all is said and done ? Clearly fucking not. So I guess I'll just continue to sit here alone, and cry, and wishing there were better people surrounding me and that maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to find a friend who is like me. I'm a good fucking friend. So then why do they talk shit about me, and why does it hurt so bad ?

[finallyfreetobemee]

★★ VOTES PLEASE ★★

Having a hard time deciding on a Halloween costume for my 6 month old son. Please help me decide and vote on a costume. Just leave your first name and the number of the costume you are voting for in the comments box !! THANK YOU ! I hate making decisions lol

[finallyfreetobemee]

UNTITLED

Sitting at home, all bored and alone

Nothing to do but stare at my phone

I should probably get cleaning, wash dishes, fold laundry

I've succumbed to exhaustion that's taken over my body

Please dont take my words and think I'm complaining

Having back control of my life feels nothing less than amazing

It took me some time to realize that I'm brave and not weak

Sit the fuck down, it's my turn to speak!

You seem to have mistaken all my warnings for jokes

In one ear and out the other every word that I spoke

Well over a year kept telling you what you needed to fix

I sounded like a broken record. I even had my own remix

All my "jokes" you found funny but who's laughing now ?

You ask how this happened ? I'll tell ya how !

You had plenty of time to unsink this ship

You chose to ignore and now you're sending me on that trip

A guilt trip I'm packed for and it goes without sayin

Those were not jokes and now you know I wasn't playin

I bet you regret not taking me seriously

Thought you be back home again by morning and how wrong you were obviously

All forms of abuse from you and the cruel names you would call me

Tried keeping me in chains and withholding the key

In only 2 years which sure as fuck felt like 20

In ones man body so many people yet your eyes still looked empty

I'd be lying if I said in this I played no part (noones perfect)

But only truth in the words "you were always first to start it"

I too will admit at times I too got physical

But look at your size then mine and for you to whine about it is typical

Everytime you put your hands on me you'd say on your way out the door

WHAT?! I DIDNT TOUCH YOU ! WHAT'D YOU HIT YOURSELF FOR ?! (THAT is jokes, straight)

I'll always remember when you held your hands tight 'round my neck

You let go and while dropping said you'd do it again in a sec

That next time you won't stop till you've taken my life

And you'd bury me in the backyard

The same person you called your wife

I could honestly keep writing and writing for days

But in my past is where I'm gonna make damn sure you stay

I guess the whole point that I'm trying to make

Is that I'm finally happy as fuck and my smile ain't fake (like it was with you)

Never again will I be with someone like you

Or any of the many others you turn into

All my time and love is now reserved for my 3 kids (2 human and 1 fur baby)

And you T____ M____ will be the final name added to my long list of stupids.

And in the words of some fucking idiot I unfortunately know

BYE BYE SEE YA THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE !!

Written by:

Brooke Anne Garner

[finallyfreetobemee]

A few back and forth texts between myself and my son's father

[finallyfreetobemee]

[finallyfreetobemee]

I picked picture 3

MESSAGES FROM YOUR DREAMS✨

Pick an image:

Group 1 → Group 2

Group 3 → Group 4

1.

Six of Swords (Rv.), Ace of Pentacles (Rv.)

Group 1, you could be seeing an authority figure, perhaps a parent or a boss, or even a public figure in your dream(s). Someone you feel intimidated by. You see yourself arguing with this person. Either they don't respond to you or they don't understand what you are saying. Maybe it feels like they can't even see you and you are talking into a void.

The message here is that you are over-exerting yourself in a certain situation. You could be investing in relationships that don't even give you back half of what you put in. There is a need to reconnect with your intuition. Seems like you’re prone to avoiding red flags you see in people or situations. Perhaps it’s your spirit guides replaying scenarios from your waking life in your dreams, showing you a reel of what you look like trying to invest in these relationships. They are bringing attention to the fact that you need to develop stronger boundaries and stand up for yourself.

2.

2 of Cups, The Star

Group 2, you are dreaming about someone you love. It could be your current partner, or it could be someone new. If it is someone new, perhaps you haven't figured out what this person looks like. Your dreams are more about the feeling you get when you are with this person. Maybe you are both walking hand in hand, and the feeling is so blissful that you don't turn to look at the person's face.

The message here is that you are seeing bits and pieces from your future. Spirit is saying keep going after your dreams. When you whole-heartedly immerse yourself into your life purpose, that's when you attract the love that is most suited to you. When you are living your life to its full potential, you attract people who match your true uninhibited self.

3.

The Magician, 3 of Wands

Group 3, it seems like your dreams are a little scattered. You could be dreaming about many different scenarios. Perhaps you see yourself having tea with your grandmother back in your hometown and then all of a sudden the scene switches and you see yourself travelling across the Sahara desert. Perhaps this is the first time in your life that you have started having such vivid dreams. It could also be the first time that you are able to remember your dreams.

The message for you is that you are going through some energetic upgrades. You are a strong and talented person who has created quite a life for themselves. Spirit is bringing your attention to your spiritual gifts that you haven’t explored fully. You are excellent at channeling. The more you practice, the better you will be able to communicate with your guides and receive their messages.

4.

Six of Pentacles (Rv.), Ace of Pentacles

Group 4, you could be having some stress dreams. More specifically you see yourself getting fired or seeing a loss in business. Perhaps you dream of scenarios where you have no money and you are dependent on someone else.

Your dreams are actually not a premonition, but the opposite of it. A new opportunity is coming to you very soon and your dreams are showing you a glimpse of it. You could either get a promotion or a new job offer that you will be very happy about. It could also be that you are getting a significant amount of money back from someone who owes you, or resolving a financial conflict.

[finallyfreetobemee]

So I've recently escaped from a very controlling and abusive relationship. I kicked him out almost 2 months ago. We have a 6 month old son. At the beginning of our 2 and a half year relationship I purchased a miniature pinscher Chihuahua puppy, Mylo, who soon became my ESA as I struggle with some mental health and PTSD from past abusive relationships. Its been my whole life since 14 years old, every relationship had some sort of abuse, control, jealousy. Well this one was REALLY BAD. By far, top of the list, #1 the most TOXIC, CONTROLLING, all around WORST relationship, even now at 39 years old. I have a 14 year old daughter with someone else, and our 6 month old son. Since I've kicked him out, he has not once called to see how the baby is doing. Up until 4-5 days ago, I was still allowing him to come to my home, take Mylo (my dog) for a walk or a few hours , but all for a price. He now denies the baby, wants a paternity test (by all means, go right ahead. Please do) Not once did I ever cheat on this man. I couldn't go downstairs and outside for a cigarette by myself because he thought I was messing around with the neighbour boy. I DONT EVEN KNOW THE KIDS NAME!! but I couldn't go out for a cigarette let alone find the time to go make a baby with someone else. (Mind you, I have since switched to a vape and quit smoking cigarettes lol) Anyhow, I have 26 voicemails of screaming yelling and threats for visitation for the DOG, not the baby, the DOG. Family and Children's Services has been contacted and he is not allowed access to the baby unsupervised or in my home. So, I was still allowing him to come by and take the dog, but I was still being physically, verbally, mentally abused, up until 4 days ago when he grabbed my cell phone and left my building with it, came back yelling at my bathroom window a few minutes later and threw it at me at the window. I went downstairs and outside to try and find my phone and he seen me in the parking lot and he came after me pushing me around, scrapping my arms and legs up, wrestling me to try and find my phone first which I DID find on the roof where I had to climb out my bathroom window and retrieve. But my whole reason for this brief but kinda thorough explanation is because I've never had a blog but I LOVE to write. So I'm not sure what I'm supposed to write about or even what really I'm supposed to do with a blog. So Ive decided to maybe start with some things (poems, short journal entries) that I have previously written and I thought I would give a quick briefing on the situation and what exactly I'm writing and talking about so then if someone does end up reading my blog (which mind you I don't have to high expectations of cuz like I said I'm not even really sure if I'm doing this right or if anyone is even interested in anything I have to say) anyways, which is okay if there's not, I just enjoy writing and it's my stress outlet and just being able to write is satisfying enough for me) then they know what I'm talking about. But anyways. If anyone IS reading this right now, thanks for taking the time to listen to a very VERY small piece of my very VERY long journey of relationship experience. Really, thank you.

Brooke