#uncooltwo50

[weaversweek]

"Never gonna give you up" - Rick Astley

Written by Stock, Aitken, Waterman

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

An obscure Northern Soul song, performed by an aspiring singer-songwriter from Newton-le-Willows near Manchester.

Very little is remembered about this singer, it is suggested that he was "a bit of a muso", and that he went into the studio to "improve my songwriting and my singing".

The tune is pleasantly insistent, though instantly dated to the late eighties. An insistent tinny drum beat kicks in, followed by a cheap keyboard line. Lyrically, it's interesting, the chorus triumphantly declaims a number of things Rick won't do for his paramour, perhaps this inspired a later work by Steinmann and Loaf.

The vocals are the best part of the song, Rick delivers a top-notch soul vocal - quite remarkable for someone of just 21 years. Seriously, give this song a listen, the lad has got remarkable pipes.

Sadly, Rick's time in the pop world was desperately short, and these days almost nobody remembers his one minor hit. It's certainly never used by lazy columnists trying to make their career advice somehow relevant.

Something less obscure tomorrow.

[weaversweek]

26 "Last Christmas" - Wham!

writer George Michael

"It doesn't matter that the speaker misread the relationship. What matters is that we, the audience, can identify with him. And perhaps in that way, we truly learn the meaning of Christmas."

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

Written one afternoon in 1984, "Last Christmas" is a simple tale of love, rejection, and regret.

Last year, George met someone. They were looking for sympathy, company, perhaps a no-strings-attached shag. George wanted there to be strings, he thought there was more emotional connection than was reciprocated. And when it came, the rejection really, really stung.

For a year, George has been licking his wounds, building up this brief fling into something bigger than it really was. Hyperbole is his weapon, ideas like "your soul of ice", "you tore me apart" abound in the verses; perhaps "the very next day, you gave it away" is a similar misremembering.

And now, he's not entirely surprised to find his erstwhile paramour doesn't recognise him. George remembers, because it meant something to him; the other partner does not, because it was a one-and-done screw. However much it hurts, George has also moved on, and found someone else more worthy of his "heart".

We have to pause and consider, is there something George wasn't telling us? Note how George never declares any gender for his paramour. Lines like "a man under cover" and "you tore him apart" take on a very different meaning now that we know George was gay, and the heteronormative reading we all assumed in 1984 is almost certainly wrong.

We could interpret "Last Christmas" as a coded argument between gay men, one is prepared to acknowledge their relationship in public, the other is not. Or one wants to settle down, the other wants to screw around. Or one cannot understand why the other remains in the closet.

Whatever the meaning, "Last Christmas" is a festive record through and through. George personally supervised every note, each sleighbell, the production and the vocals - this record is George Michael from conception to wise men. The Life of a Song column noted,

"Shiny round synth baubles bounce up and down the octave as the tune takes tinsel twists around the torn-up vocal. It's a brilliant sonic evocation of how it feels to be isolated from the seasonal cheer, mustering smiles for department cashiers in elf hats before hurrying home to sob into the egg nog."

The Atlantic set the song in its greater cultural milieu:

"Christmas is also one of the few yearly rituals that the bulk of Western society still partakes in. Which means that most everyone has a memory of their Last Christmas, and everyone has aspirations for This Year (when we take measures, in vain, to be Saved From Tears). Wham! is tapping into the holiday’s unique ability to make people take stock and look ahead. "The band is also tapping into the fact that, contrary to the notion of seasonal cheer, many holiday memories are negative—tinted by sadness, loss, or anger, depending on how that year ended for you. It’s probably the bitterest Christmas tune we’ve got, and to say its bitterness keeps it from being a Christmas tune denies the nature of the holiday itself."

George recorded "Last Christmas" by himself, but the video included Andrew and Pepsi and Shirlie, model Kathy Hill, Shirlie's boyfriend Martin Kemp, and some friends. The video was filmed at Saas-Fee in Switzerland just a few weeks before the song was released; that's real November 1984 snow. The director made sure that the wine glasses contained real alcohol, and most of the cast got roaringly drunk.

An instant classic, it sold 840,000 copies by the end of 1984, a further 355,000 in 1985, and trickle-sold each Christmas. Kept off the number one spot in 1984 by Band Aid, eventually becoming the Top of the Pops Christmas number one in 2023.

It's been covered by almost everyone, in almost every style - Last-Christmas.com recognised over 200 cover versions by 2008, Second Hand Songs listed 541 versions earlier this month. George Michael never saw a penny of the royalties; he signed over the composer's rights, and his share of the performance rights, to the Band Aid trust. Spotify only pays a farthing for each stream; those farthings add up and do something good for the world.

"Last Christmas" has become so pervasive that there's an organised attempt to not hear the song during December. Whamageddon originated circa 2008, and has spawned similar efforts to avoid "Fairytale of New York" (qv) and "All I want for Christmas is you". Although I'm too polite to spoil other people's sport, I'm really not a fan of Whamageddon; it smacks of being performatively cool, has faint overtones of homophobia, and surely the point of great music is that one enjoys it. My friend Dan has the right idea: play "Last Christmas" every day during December.

Under the rules of UncoolTwo50, "Last Christmas" is aggregated with its double-A companion "Everything she wants". Having written 800 words on the other side, time does not permit me to discuss this Gramscian deconstruction of the Thatcherite settlement presented through the lens of a relationship.

Other Christmas number ones under consideration: "Always on my mind" (1987) made the 100-song shortlist, as did "Do they know it's Christmas" (1984). The 500-song longlist featured "Killing in the name" (2009), "Stay another day" (1994), and the 1986 Network Chart winner "Caravan of love". And this is the closest Spandau Ballet get to my fifty; "Gold" and "True" were both considered for the longlist.

[weaversweek]

9 "Take a chance on me" - ABBA

writers Benny Andersson, Björn Ulvæus

A toe-tapping tune, a simple, sing-a-long lyric. Short and direct. That is the ABBA sound.

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

ABBA at their most energetic, forceful, and ubiquitous. "Take a chance on me" came out in early 1978, and followed "The name of the game" and "Knowing me, knowing you" to the top spot.

The rhythm is at a pace like someone jogging, which is good because it was inspired by Björn's keep fit regime. 107 bpm is a good cadence for a serious jogger, and the "tsh-tsh-tsh" of trainers on damp city streets quickly became "take a chance, take a chance".

Production is immaculate, even by ABBA's standards. The lads created a wall of sound: polytracked vocals, guitar bass and drums, all layered to get in your ear and stay there. And the film clip, of the various members of the group flirting with each other in a split-screen.

Although the group was evolving, growing up, maturing, there was still a place to be playful. There was still a market for catchy and upbeat love songs, as the Grease soundtrack would prove later in the year. They were massively popular - could have filled the Albert Hall 300 times over

Because it's such an insistent and happy song, it became a staple on radio, and the obvious target of Erasure's affections on their 1992 "Abba-esque" ep (on my longlist of 500, redundant to the originals). The song has a disposable part in the musical Mamma Mia!, sung by comedy sidekick Rosie as she seeks some company. It's been covered by The Chipmunks, James Last, Awolnation, and many many more.

It's the song construction that wins me over. Benny and Björn compose and arrange their songs at the same time, they bear comparison to Burt Bacharach and Irving Berlin. The songs are like those really expensive analogue watches: sure, you can dismantle an ABBA song, but it only works again if you put it together in the same way.

[weaversweek]

24 "Listen to your heart" - Roxette

writers Per Gessle, Mats Persson

"This is us trying to recreate that overblown American FM-rock sound to the point where it almost becomes absurd. We really wanted to see how far we could take it."

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

Roxette were formed from best friends Per Gessle and Marie Fredriksson in 1986. Took their name from a Dr. Feelgood song. Roxette had some international success in 1987 with "It must have been love (Christmas for the broken hearted)". Second album Look Sharp! came out the following year, lead single was the ultra-bop "Dressed for success".

"Listen to your heart" was the second single. Then came the international breakthrough - "The look" broke containment, spread from Stockholm to Minnesota and then to the world. Various singles from the album were released, to annoyingly little success, until a de-festified "Listen to your heart" turned up on the Pretty Woman soundtrack.

And that was the key for purchasers on Britain. "Listen to your heart" and "Dangerous" were re-released as a double-A side for all people, "Dressed for success" got some recognition, and soon we were into the Joyride album.

There was always going to be a Roxette song in the top 50, and it was always going to be somewhere around here. "Joyride" itself, and late-era waltz "Crash boom bang" were serious contenders. But "Listen to your heart" gets the nod.

It's a lighters-in-the-air song, gently ambling along at the right speed to sway your arms above your head, or rock gently from side to side. Written in a minor key, it's full of hope and yearning; Marie implores her lover to think carefully before leaving. The mood's made by the video, filmed during a concert at the Borgholm castle, and looks sumptuous.

Had an American rock band performed this, we'd have liked it. The bit we love is Marie's vocal, a bit of an accent, a lot of emotion.

Roxette split, reformed, and continued performing until Marie Fredriksson's death in 2019. A dance cover by DHT had some success in the mid-aughts, but mostly reminded us how good Marie's vocal was.

Passing mention to "Wild women do", Natalie Cole's contribution to the Pretty Woman soundtrack, and on the fringes of the shortlist.

[weaversweek]

33 "Birdhouse in your soul" - They Might Be Giants

Writers: John Linnell & John Flansburgh

"Little more than exceptionally innovative busking" - Melody Maker

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

"John Flansburgh then asked the audience to rise for the They Might Be Giants anthem."

"Around the time we were starting, a lot of American bands went to England, made a huge splash there, and rode the wave back across the Atlantic. We thought we'd do that too - but it didn't happen." - John Linnell.

"Flood is a tour de force of charm, ideas, and - above all - brevity." - Snouds

"The song's narrator is a blue nightlight, but he's shaped like a canary, so he compares himself to a proverbial bee in the bonnet. Then his luminescence leads him to a comparison with a painting of a lighthouse, which reminds him of the myth of Jason and the Argonauts. Along the way, the lyrics hyperlink to midcentury wristwatches and congressional procedural maneuvers, while the music pays tribute to the Lovin' Spoonful's "Summer in the city". (A choice, John Linnell notes, that "corny as it sounds", was inspired by the brutal heat of the summer of 1989 when they were recording the album). The song is barely three minutes long, but it changes keys 18 times. And let’s not even try to make sense of the video." - Stale

"The thing is, there are so many syllables in the songs that we have to come up with something to fill the spaces. So it ends up being kind of Gilbert and Sullivany." - John Linnell again.

[weaversweek]

35 "Indestructible" - Four Tops and Smokey Robinson

written by Michael Price and Bobby Sandstrom

Top of the Pops saved their lives.

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

The Four Tops enjoyed a career swansong in late 1988; they'd recorded the classic throwback "Loco in Acapulco" for the movie Buster, and were promoting their song in London. The week before Christmas, they perform the song on Top of the Pops.

Producer Paul Ciani had put together an episode marking TOTP's 25th anniversary, with some of the massive hits of the quarter-century. One of them: "Reach out, I'll be there". Recording was a bit of a mess, and the band missed their booked flight to New York. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise; the plane was blown up over Lockerbie, all on board died.

"Loco in Acapulco" was also on the group's album, and the title track is amongst their best. The song "Indestructible" felt like it had fallen through a timewarp from twenty years earlier: Levi Stubbs still had those awesome soul vocals, augmented by Smokey Robinson. Two Motown legends for the price of one? We're buying, what's the price!

The rest of the album is patchy by the group's high standards, though we suspect Alexander O'Neal would have gladly made this LP. Sadly, the single didn't give the group a return to Top of the Pops, just missing the top 20, and they'd not have another big hit here. But for these four minutes, we can remember glories past, and consider those yet to arrive.

Other soul tunes in my UncoolTwo50 shortlist: "Say I'm your number one" by Princess, Macy Gray's "I try", Soul II Soul's "Back to life", and Ten City's "That's the way love is".

[weaversweek]

41 "Wuthering Heights" - Kate Bush

Written by Kate Bush

“There was a full moon, the curtains were open and it came quite easily.”

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

Aged 18, young Kate took inspiration from one of the great Gothic novels, and fashioned a whole performance. It's the most audacious, fearless, quietly feminist art performance - possibly of my lifetime.

Musically, the song has a lot to unpack: harmonic progressions, vocal yelps going here and there, a guitar solo that fades in at the end and dominates everything. And nobody cares for the music theory.

Written in the first weekend of March 1977, Kate found herself channelling the spirit of namesake Catherine Earnshaw, and her forbidden love for Heathcliff. Committed to vinyl over the summer, backed by David Gilmour of Pink Floyd, and passed to Capital Radio in November '77, but a change in the artwork postponed release to January '78. The press got it wrong. "B-O-R-I-N-G", wrote Record Mirror. "Manufactured entirely to be consumed" said the New Musical Express (Incorporating Accordian Times). And nobody cares for the details.

We care for the emotion. Kate had taken lessons from mime artist Lindsay Kemp, she'd been dancing and theatrical since a very young age. She embodies the song, and the song is an extension of her.

Kate did Top of the Pops on 16 February, all flaring hair, sheer black top, red trews, and black stiletto heels. It's behind-the-sofa stuff, Kate is as scary and unnerving as a demented witch. This is "Wuthering Heights"? Blimey.

And the rest is history. Top-selling single two weeks later, and Kate had a level of superstardom we'd later associate with Duran Duran, Take That, or Little Mix. Unlike those others, Kate had the agency to take her career her own way: didn't tour after 1979, took long breaks to hone later albums. More in a future entry…

For the list, I've imposed a massive penalty on acts with more than one single - it's removed a second Madonna from the top 50 (goodbye "Open your heart"), ensured we only have one Alanis Morissette ("Hand in my pocket", farewell), a single Tori Amos ("Silent all these years" and "Crucify" both drop off). Kate Bush gets two into the top 50, the only performer to achieve the feat.

[weaversweek]

42 "I'd do anything for love (but I won't do that)" - Meat Loaf

Written by Jim Steinman

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

In the beginning, there was the combination of heaven and hell. Jim Steinman's gothic fantasy, brought to something larger than life by Meat Loaf. The album Bat Out of Hell captured forked lightning in a bottle.

Like a pair of starcross'd lovers, Loaf and Steinman went their separate ways. Meat Loaf made the copycat album Dead Ringer, which wasn't as good, and a couple of others were even less good, and he pretty much dropped off the cultural radar in the mid-80s.

Jim Steinman worked with Bonnie Tyler on her most bombastic singles, Air Supply, the Sisters of Mercy, turned down Andrew Lloyd Webber, and many more. By 1989, he'd come up with his masterplan - Pandora's Box, an all-woman hard rock band, who would sing tortured tales of love like "It's all coming back to me now". In spite of huge publicity, Pandora's Box flopped.

The two men reunited, got tinkling the ivories, and rediscovered their love for pop opera. Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell took everything we remembered from the original, and cranked it up to twelve. The title line is reprised from something Steinman wrote for Bonnie Tyler. The motorbike sound is reprised from Meat Loaf's life. The duet at the end is with Lorraine Crosby, one of the lead singers from Pandora's Box. The sense of drama is heightened by the video, where Dana Patrick plays the love interest. It's a full-on mini-movie, where Mr. Loaf comes to accept himself through the power of love, complete with a Falling Chandelier of Doom.

Some people who didn't pay attention to the lyric are confused by what "That" is. Terribly simple: Mr. Loaf explains what he will do, (run right into hell and back, never stop loving you, pray to the deity of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll), and then a counterexample of what he will not (do it better than I do it with you, stop dreamin' of you every night of my life). The chorus refers back to all these counter-examples, as "I won't do that". Honestly, it's just as simple as "Never gonna give you up" (qv).

Originally written as a fifteen-minute epic, shaved down to 12 minutes for the album, the video runs about nine minutes, and the single version is 7-and-a-half. Unless you're listening to Virgin 1215, where they made a ham-fisted three-and-three-quarter minute edit, which completely ruined the point. This song is a luxurious bath, not a quick shower!

Massive and huge and a career peak for both men. For this project, I also considered Meat Loaf's "Modern girl", an under-appreciated classic; "It's all coming back to me now" in versions by both Pandora's Box and Céline Dion; "Holding out for a hero" and "Total eclipse of the heart" from Steinman's work with Bonnie Tyler; and "No matter what" except Meat Loaf's version was only ever a B-side.

[weaversweek]

43: "Louise" - The Human League

"'Louise' must have come from a film, but I don't know which one. I can see the bus station. It's in America with Greyhound buses pulling in and out. The guy's in a coffee shop." - Phil Oakey, 1984

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

In 1981, The Human League had their epoch-defining hit "Don't you want me". A classic case of boy meets girl, boy tries to control girl, asks if she's not with him because they're not in love or is it because he is a complete and utter arsehole.

"Don't you want me" sold a metric squillion copies, and spawned numerous imitators and parodies. One of them was by Philip Pope, and he nailed the bitterness between the participants.

"I picked you up, I gave you one, now I can't get rid of you" "You were pissed and desperate and asked us then did we want to be in your band?" "We live together with a dog and a cat in North Ruislip" "Oh, how pathetic, me a famous pop star, living with this piece of tat!"

"Louise" came back to the same couple a few years later. Slightly older boy meets the same girl, and gets to dream that they were back together again. Not gonna happen, mate, she's moved on, met someone better, probably a nice Scottish lawyer from Pinner. Men think they can manipulate women, men find that they can't even manipulate their own feelings.

Came out in late 1984, alongside a flood of other bittersweet love songs - John Waite's "Missing you" and Jim Diamond's "I should have known better", Spandau Ballet's "Round and round". Promoted by a gorgeous black-and-white video with a canal boat, calm and stately like the song sounds.

And yes, Phil Oakey's haircut has still been eaten by the cat.

And yes, I considered the Radio Active theme, "Out to lunch" by The Client, for this #UncoolTwo50 list; rejected as just too self-indulgent. (Apparently this is a thing, much to my surprise.)

[weaversweek]

46: "Prince Charming" - Adam and the Ants

Written by Adam Ant and Marco Pirroni

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

A massive stuff-you to the git who assassinated John Lennon in 1980. Not just for killing one of The Beatles, but for sending the music world into an introspective frenzy.

And for sending Lennon's records flying off the shelves, blocking so many other great records from the top spot. Jona Lewie would have put "Stop the cavalry" to the top, "In the air tonight" and "Vienna" would satisfy Phil Collins and Ultravox fans. And Adam and the Ants were denied two chart-toppers, "Antmusic" and "Kings of the wild frontier" were held off by John Lennon tributes.

Nevertheless, Adam persisted. "Stand and deliver" was an obvious chart-topper in spring 1981, followed by "Prince Charming" in the early autumn. The band was intensely visual, telling clear stories through music and stagecraft, almost as if they'd been crafted as a package.

Here, Adam takes on the character of Cinderella, with Diana Dors as his fairy godmother. You shall go to the ball, you shall dance the Prince Charming. The driving beat makes it difficult to dance normally, so Adam demonstrates a pattern dance to the lolloping rhythm.

Something for all the family here: Mums might want to, um, have Mr. Ant round for tea; dads get to see Diana Dors' charms. Us youngsters get an easy-to-follow song with a banging beat. Our older siblings have some clever lyrics to dissect, and enough bang to annoy parents.

Fashion moved on, already Smash Hits was asking "Is he past his peak?", and Adam was soon tumbling down pop's Dumper. Like a supernova, he'd burned so bright in those eighteen months of fame.

[weaversweek]

47: "Shout" - Tears For Fears

Written by Roland Orzabel and Ian Stanley

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

"An insidious chorus you'll find yourself singing in the most inopportune moments", said Lesley White in Smash Hits.

The second single from their album "Songs from the Big Chair" contains multitudes. Cowbells at the start, then a crunching synth note, and Roland's polytracked vocals literally bellow the title at you. It continues, the simple synthesiser pattern is set to repeat, we loop through verses and bridges, through a long guitar solo and crashing drums and always come back to this mantra-like chorus.

Roland Orzabel let us think the song was about primal scream therapy, the sort where one hollers and screeches to remove bad emotions through physical exertion. He's also let us think it's about protest, standing up and shouting for what one believes in.

Here is an exception to the rule: more is more. The three-minute edits shown on Top of the Pops are a useful snack. The five-minute single is great. The seven-minute album track, that is the pinnacle of achievement.

The classic lineup (Roland Orzabal and a kangaroo) made one further album, then split for musical differences, and reformed for the nostalgia circuit. "I don't think in twenty years' time people will be interested in Simon Le Bon," opined Roland in 1985; we'll double that, and say he's right.

[weaversweek]

39 "Stay (I missed you)" - Lisa Loeb

Written by Lisa Loeb

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

Piano lessons, musical theatre, guitar, stanning David Bowie. Just some of the components of a Texas youth; in this case, of Lisa Loeb. Resolutely independent, she had graduated from Brown college, gone through Berklee College, made her mark on the New York singer-songwriter scene. She was still on a teeny-tiny indie label when this song hit the big time in summer '94.

"Stay" is a sweet breakup song: Lisa and her paramour are considering whether to part, still hold tender feelings for each other, and Lisa is working through her feelings. The verses are unabashed displays of emotion, a stream of consciousness with so many "and…" sentences. The brief chorus pulls it back a little to be quite tender.

The whole song has an intimate vulnerability, and we feel like we've been through the wars with Lisa. A quiet stormer of a hit: it doesn't feel like it's a big deal, then it creeps up on us and we realise she's put us through the wringer.

Came to the attention of Lisa's neighbour Ethan Hawke, who insisted it be used in his new movie Reality Bites, where it underscores the closing credits; Hawke also directed the video, where Lisa's dewy and romantic and not really that angry.

The rest of the movie soundtrack is so-so (Juliana Hatfield's "Spin the bottle" the other track that's lasted), and Reality Bites itself is not a great movie - less The Breakfast Club and more RI:SE with Winona Ryder and Christian Stiller. The authentic jerk is preferable to the corporate sellout, a none-more-mid-90s conclusion.

Lisa is a bit shy, clearly well-read - "Nine Stories" an allusion to JD Salinger - and she comes across as sweetly innocent.

Since 1994, she's made a number of not-as-successful albums, was feted on the Lilith Fair tour as one of the crowd made good. There was a short-lived cookery show, branched out into children's albums, won a Grammy for Feel What U Feel. There's also a brand of Lisa Loeb spectacles, because of course there is. And she co-wrote a New York Times crossword; no word yet on the Lisa Loeb Connecting Wall.

Other #UncoolTwo50 matters: Juliana Hatfield made my longlist of about 550 with "My sister" but didn't make the top 100 cut. Lisa's boyfriend of the time was Juan Patino, who produced another longlister Jewel's "You were meant for me". Another singer-songwriter from Texas, Edie Brickell, made the shortlist with "What I am", fell short because I've already got too much from 1989. Fellow Dallas mid-90s alt-rockers Deep Blue Something… we've not seen them yet, have we?

[weaversweek]

1 "Since yesterday" - Strawberry Switchblade

writers Rose McDowall, Jill Bryson

12 points (DOUZE POINT!)

Like sixteen swans taking flight at once!

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

Jill: "We get different categories of letter. Ones like 'we think you're a really great pop group', ones from people struggling in other groups saying 'can we support you' and really long, dead sincere letters. I like the long sincere ones the best."

Strawberry Switchblade met at Glasgow School of Art; originally a four-piece, they slimmed down to Rose and Jill. The group was named after a fanzine written by Orange Juice that never came out; it took its name from a James Kirk song.

They hung out on the fringes of the Postcard Records scene, and were particularly close to Edwyn Collins and his group Orange Juice. Supported them on a tour in late 1982, and seemed to be on the gentle nursery slopes, the fringes of fame without ever breaking through to the public consciousness.

Strawberry Switchblade are deceptively strong and marvellously strange. The knowledge that Rose used to be in a group called the Poems who once made a single financed, at least partly, by shoplifting tends to imbue her current endeavours with a somewhat sterner significance. Their songs are sometimes cute, sometimes irksome, sometimes fun, sometimes twee. If I was 10 they'd be on my wall. -- Mick Sinclair, Zig Zag

"Since yesterday" started life as "Dance", changing almost the entire lyric over three years before being released to the world in late 1984. Its minor-key horn riff comes from Sibelius's fifth symphony - the third movement has a recurring motif inspired by swan calls. Perhaps that's what proved key to their success - here's something vaguely familiar, being re-interpreted and literally shattered before our ears.

despite the ribbons and bows falling from their curls, the sentiments that Rose McDowall and Jill Bryson project through their songs are often as pretty as Lou Reed's sugar-coated 'Heroin'. For these two girls, Scots by birth, populist and perverse by and large, are not in the business of soft selling sweet Pop. After all, the twist in the name Strawberry Switchblade could hardly be anything but intentional. -- Adrian Devoy, International Musician and Recording World

"Since yesterday" became an unlikely, unexpected, and wholly welcome hit in early 1985. It opened doors for Rose and Jill to rub shoulders with some of the biggest names in pop...

Until he accepts his second award - after which he leaves - Prince and his two bodyguards sit at the same table as Strawberry Switchblade. "What did you talk to me about?" I ask them. "We were struck dumb," confesses Jill. Apparently there was no conversation whatsoever. -- Neil Tennant, Smash Hits

...but it proved to be the one and only hit. A number of other singles from Strawberry Switchblade fell short of the top 40, and the group broke up a little later.

They'd made an impression.

ROSE AND JILL of Strawberry Switchblade may look like Macbeth's weird witches but sisters they aren't. "We actually think we dress quite differently," complains Jill, "but other people still get the wrong name in the third meeting!" Rose remembers having a polka dot dress when she was wee and claims that, "everyone wears polka dots when they're six months old." Once the girls had polka dots everything just evolved. "If you get the idea, everything just seems to sprout from it…" Everything includes all kinds of accessories, from earrings that look like chandeliers to ribbons that are almost floor-length. Strawberry Switchblade have fertile heads like overgrown gardens and hair like Egyptian haystacks. Witches always invent themselves. Why else would the church have burned them but for their independence and knowledge of nature? After punk, Rose and Jill formed a group and began to learn guitar (not necessarily in that order). Their inspiration came from the softer songs of the Velvet Underground. As followers of Orange Juice, Aztec Camera and the rest will know, everyone in Glasgow has the Velvets "Banana" album on the coffee table. Next year we'll be hearing a lot of Strawberry Switchblade's quietly haunting songs, folk ballads on the eerie side of twee. Meanwhile the girls are concerned to convey the right impression. "People expect us to sound punky because of the make-up so we try to smile a lot to reassure them: we're lovely people, really. The people who hear our music tend to describe it as 'lovely or nice or beautiful' rather than 'great'. Everybody can be great — not everybody can be lovely. Our main problem is the ribbons falling on to the guitar strings while we're playing. We need a ribbon roadie and someone who'll iron our clothes before we go onstage. Oh, and someone to tune the guitars…" -- Mark Cooper, Record Mirror

Some would argue that Strawberry Switchblade still influence fashion. They brought a certain style, sweet polka dots and malevolent attitude, and it clicked with the people of Japan. Did Rose and Jill spark off the enduring "Gothic Lolita" scene? Certainly they're well-remembered and well-loved - I haven't had to go deep into The Internet Archive to find Strawberry Switchblade.net, servicing fans since 2005.

Life has inflection points. They were on the cover of Smash Hits magazine. Inside was a gripping feature on Band Aid, and some serious writing about trivial subjects. Writers like Sylvia Patterson, Mark Ellen, Linda Duff, Dave Rimmer, and the masterful work of Tom Hibbert. Their mixture of breezy chat and intense knowledge is something I try to replicate - in the Week, and in this collection of essays.

Pop music changes lives. Random chance changes lives. I wouldn’t be the same person without a chain of events kicked off by “Since yesterday”, and that’s why it gets the lot - token, teatowel, and my DOUZE POINTS.

Thanks to #UncoolTwo50 sponsor and numbercruncher Arron. And to you for reading, if indeed you still are.

[weaversweek]

2 "Constant craving" - k d lang

writers k d lang, Ben Mink

"Here's a medley of my hit."

"A versatile weapon of mass seduction." - The Times

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

ELF POINTS (11 points)

Every queer of a certain age has a copy of Ingénue on their shelf. Combining queer lyrics with a middle-of-the-road sound, lang fills an album with heartbreak and yearning, the love that dare not be spoken. "Constant craving" ends the album, drawing together the threads, melding the internal and external conflict into something she can live with.

k d lang released her first country album in 1987, with The Reclines. It boggled the minds of country music fans in Alberta and Saskatchewan. "This lass looks like a lad, makes music with bits of rock and roll (hawk,spit), and generally doesn't look like us rednecks would you pass another beer." Nobody could fault lang's voice, clear and packed with emotion, with a great vocal range.

Nashville wasn't sure about her, but the voice and work with Roy Orbison on "Crying" (qv) ensured she'd get an audience. The albums Shadowland and Absolute Torch and Twang earned a NARAS award, and enough minor celebrity that "k d lang comes out against eating meat" caused a stir. This side of the pond, we ignored it all - something about John Drittsek Gummer, a burger, and a crying child.

We'd also ignored lang, until 1992's Ingénue album. Johnnie Walker was a big fan, played "Constant craving" and "Miss Chatelaine" on his Radio 1 and Radio 5 shows. Released in late spring 1992, the single stalled just short of the top 40, and made the top 20 when re-promoted early in 1993.

Young k d lang had come out as a lesbian during the promo cycle for Ingénue, and was adopted as the poster child by every young dyke around. With a short, brown coif highlighting her cut jawline, and a penchant for blazers and men’s button-downs, k d's unapologetic masculine demeanor was something new to many homes. She palled around with Madonna, who said Elvis is alive - and she is beautiful! lang made it possible to be an out lesbian, and a handsome woman. Others will assess how much of an influence lang has had on queer culture; for me, she's still a style icon.

Later, lang would reflect on how recording Ingénue was "a very important time for me because I was changing my musical vernacular from the very strong influences to a more personal one and creating a language that resonated with me on a deeply personal level rather than using outer imagery. It was a very introverted time. It was meditative”.

There were also external influences: “AIDS was full-blown in a social context, there was a lot of pressure on me to come out. So I think the record maintains a kind of relativity because the record’s vulnerability and honesty resonated with the gay community at the time. I think it resembles a type of watermark for the LGBTQ community.”

Contemporary reviews were positive. Betty Page in the New Musical Express (Incorporating Accordian Times) said,

The secret diary of k.d. lang shows she's not lost sight of those precious torch values; her voice is honed to perfection, full of the subtle tones of expression and phrasing so beloved of her heroines, Peggy Lee, Patsy Cline and Julie London. These are open, vulnerable songs �� honest, naked, and dripping with achingly lovely melodies that send you softly sliding down the wall into a contented, foetal heap – and not a 'New Country' tag in sight.

Max Bell in Vox added,

Lang (sic) manages to sound like Peggy Lee's heiress and is on the verge of becoming the first lady of Country jazz. Compared to many rock LPs, Ingénue's still-life sophistication might seem almost relentless, but there is no premium on good taste, nor on the quality of writing at hand here. The fact that Ingénue is an album for masochists only adds to its appeal. It will become a constant craving, and those who love it are doomed to return, like the vampire after dark, for one last fix. (10/10)

This song got me a summer job at a record shop. During the interview, the manager asked me to sell him a recent song I was passionate about.

It’s a song about the universal human experience – we have dark days, we’re nervous, feel a bit rubbish. We hope for something better, constantly crave for a connection, some relief, someone to understand us.

Or, if you prefer, it’s a very physical love song.

Or, if you prefer, it’s a clever musical composition, subverts the usual major-key DESH descending scale (which we’d later hear on Oasis’s "Whatever") with a minor-key DEES. Builds up a whole lot of tension, then resolves it with a DEESEED reversal on “A-ha! Constant craving!”.

That, and an attention to detail, and not objecting to doing difficult and boring tasks. Kept me going three summers, two Christmases, and my student loan manageable. It's one I remember with great affection, and events in the past couple of years make it more important.

Also… "Constant craving" was subsequently ripped off by The Rolling Stones for "Anybody seen my baby". No song by Mick Jagger's group entered the longlist; maybe they'll have better luck in #Uncool25 for songs released before 1954.

[weaversweek]

3 "Torn" - Natalie Imbruglia

writers Scott Cutler, Anne Preven, Phil Thornalley

"Every 90s kid comes of age three times: Eighteenth birthday. Twenty-first birthday. The day they find out Natalie Imbruglia's version of Torn is a cover."

ELF POINTS (11 points)

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

If a song is recorded, and nobody ever hears it, can it be covered?

Written for Anne Preven and her band Ednaswap, and recorded by local stars Trine Rein and Lis Sørensen, "Torn" is indelibly associated with Natalie Imbruglia.

The song was co-written with Cutler and Thornalley, who'd already contributed most of the songs for Johnny Hates Jazz's first (and last) album. Thornalley had previously produced the Thompson Twins, XTC, The Cure, and Duran Duran. Anne Preven wrote the lyric, which might explain why it has faint echoes of Poplish, the international language of hit music.

Scott Cutler is to blame for the tense, fretful sound. Thornalley explained, "I feel Scott would have scientifically manipulated the entry to the chorus so it resolves on the major note of the scale – teasing the notes in the bars before to draw out the tension. The ear wants the melody to land on the pleasing A of F major, but is held back by singing the B flat till the last beat." One semi-tone down, till the very end.

Ednaswap were active in 1992, and performed "Torn" live with a grunge sound. It takes a leap to imagine the familiar words to a scuzzy background, and at a much slower tempo, but I reckon it works. Poul Bruun, an A&R man, absolutely loved the tune, and was responsible for the Scandinavian covers. And then Natalie Imbruglia got hold of the song.

Thornalley again. "We worked hard, recording and re-recording her vocal for days, trying to find the best expression from her voice. If she sings out too much, pushes too hard, then her beautiful breathy tone is lost. We would try out phrases with added blue notes to try to capture the lyrical mood. So not a one-take wonder, a studied and contrived performance. I guess her skills as an actor helped with the patience needed to put up with my demands."

Unlike Trine and Lis, Natalie captures the bittersweet heartbreak at the centre of "Torn"; it's a vocal to compare with Lisa Loeb (qv). This relationship is gone, finished, kaput, over. And it hurts like anything, and Natalie absolutely conveys this emotion with every little quiver of the voice.

She's helped by the arrangement, trimming the instrumental break from 20 bars to 8. With of-the-time backing beats from Zero 7, and background singing from Katrina Leskevich of The Waves, "Torn" was very much the cool thing. And it fell into the paths paved by Alanis Morissette (qv), Sheryl Crow, and many more.

Championed by Richard "Dogsby" Park, "Torn" went straight into high rotation at BLOB in Birmingham, Crapital FM, Crackly Atlantic 252, Virgin Quarter Past Twelve, Soft Rock 100.7 Heart FM - and eventually, grudgingly, to One! Efff! Emm! Sold a million copies by the end of the year, another quarter-mill in '98. Radio loved it, and continues to love it - "Torn" was the most played record on radio in 1998, and around number 150 for 1999, in the top 30 for the 2000s decade, number 42 for the entire 2010s, and still gets 1250 spins a week - of my top 50, only Rick Astley gets more.

What's the enduring appeal? Mostly, that Natalie conveys the emotion like the high-quality actor she is. It's an awesome song, which works in many styles. Natalie absolutely nails the vocal mood she wants, helped by those little changes to the orchestration. And the video, with Jeremy Sheffield and a fixed camera, an apartment being furnished and dismantled, that hoodie, and Natalie's angry dance in the final guitar-wah.

Natalie Imbruglia continued to make music - "Big mistake" from Left of the Middle would probably be in my 50 if I didn't limit it to one single per album. Although 2001's White Lilies Island was a bit undercooked, "Shiver" from Counting Down the Days is another top-drawer performance. More albums have followed in the last few years, and I wouldn't be too surprised to hear Natalie got the big New Year's Gig on BBC1 some year.

If I'd written this list in 1999, "Torn" would be on it, a great song that spoke to a lot of people. A quarter-century later, "Torn" is still on my list, still one of the first names down. Deserves the Eleven Points! and third place.

Also… "The reflex" from Duran Duran made number 55; "You take me up" from Thompson Twins, "Lullaby" from The Cure were longlisted; XTC and Johnny Hates Jazz were passed. Katrina and the Waves had "Walking on sunshine" and "That's the way" in the longlist, where we find Sheryl Crow for "Run baby run".

[weaversweek]

4 "Im nin'alu" - Ofra Haza

writers Shabazy, Rabbi Shalom-Shabazi

When I first plotted out the #UncoolTwo50 bonuses, I was reasonably certain of four of them - the three yet to come, and "Like a prayer". The fifth spot was open. While testing the tunes, I found "Like a prayer" had lost magic, and "Buffalo stance" had more meaning. And that "Im nin'alu" was an under-rated classic that seems to have eluded other commentators.

ELF POINTS - 11 points

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

Ofra Haza was born on 19 November 1957 in Tel Aviv's poor Hatikva Quarter. At the age of 12 she joined a local theatre group where she excelled at acting and singing; she was eventually signed by manager Bezalel Aloni. One of Israel's most popular singers, Ofra had a voice of flawless tone, able to move through many styles; she was regularly described as "The Madonna of the East".

Her second album, Yemenite Songs (later released as Fifty Gates of Wisdom), was a thank you to her family - it's an album of devotional poems and secular street songs passed down from her Yemeni ancestors. Wally Brill, a producer who would later work with Ofra, explained what the album meant: "There has always been a sort of chav culture in Israel. The notion of Ofra becoming this poster girl of world music was surreal. It's on a par with Cheryl Cole deciding that her next album will comprise of Northumbrian fishing shanties."

"Im nin'alu" began as a Hebrew poem written in the 17th-century by Rabbi Shalom Shabazi. The opening line, "Im nin'alu daltei n'divim daltei marom lo nin'alu" translates as "Even if the gates of the rich are closed, the gates of heaven will never be closed". Originally released in Israel on Fled Anita in January '85, the single started to pick up airplay in Europe towards the middle of 1987. Grant Goddard from the Israeli station Kol Hashalom (The Voice Of Peace) started writing letters of recommendation to DJs all over Europe. "I played it heavily in 1985;" says Goddard, "and I was convinced it could have wider appeal."

John Peel played Ofra's later single "Galbi", and delved into her catalogue. Slowly the rest of Europe started tuning into the Haza phenomenon. Several sections of Haza's music were sampled onto other popular house and hip-hop recordings, not least Eric B & Rakim's "Paid in full" and M|A|R|R|S's "Pump up the volume". "Im nin'alu" became the first song primarily in Yemenite to hit the top twenty here.

The combination of traditional Yemeni instruments and Western disco, topped with some very effective scratching, was highly innovative for any recording. Album Shaday has some spectacular reworkings of these traditional folk tunes, married with contemporary-for-1988 dance beats; it's also got some bland pop, so be prepared to skip.

Ofra Haza took part in the Eurovision Song Contest four times, finishing second in 1983. She'd voice Yocheved, the mother of Moses, in 1998 film The Prince of Egypt, and sung the film's big song "Deliver us". It would turn out to be her last big release; Ofra Haza dies of AIDS-related illnesses in February 2000.

The song is just so very different, it's a complete culture shock when it turns up on Top of the Pops, nestled between Debbie Gibson and Scritti Politti. For three minutes, we're taken out of our "May half-term starts tomorrow" reverie, and taken into a world of exotic promise, unfamiliar and somehow we know we'll be safe.

Also… "Im nin'alu" dates to the 17th century, so it's the second-oldest song on my list, younger than "Coisice a ruin" (qv). Debbie Gibson put "Electric youth" into the top 60, I just couldn't find space for this song, however much it defines my generation. Scritti Politti are like the white chocolate Green Gartside loves; fine in small doses, but I can't stand them for long. "Wood beez (pray like Aretha Franklin)" longlisted.