#uncle astarion

[chronicsinner]

Parent Tav x Zevlor + Uncle Astarion Headcanons

Imagine: Tav and Zevlor having a child (whether adopted or biological) and astarion is living with them as the sassy gay uncle.

Authors notes: This was supposed to be a shitpost but I just kept typing lmao. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Once the Elder Brain is defeated, you and Zevlor offer Astarion a place to stay. You know Astarion has been through enormous hardship and you don't wish for him to be thrusted into his freedom alone. He won't admit it, but he is very thankful to be able to stay with someone he is familiar with; especially when its day and he can't go outside.

After a year or so of living together, you discover you are pregnant (or discussing the logistics of adopting a child.) Zevlor, an older man who has never had a child of his own, becomes incredibly anxious. One night, in the privacy of the bedroom you two share, he expresses his concern about having a vampire around the baby. "You know I'm not one to judge.. but-" your partner exhales and pauses for a moment. "you're sure its safe to have a baby around a vampire?" You take Zevlor's hand in your own and give it a reassuring squeeze. You explain to him that Astarion is not a bad guy and how he was forced into being a vampire. "You are overthinking, Zev'. I know its difficult.. but please, trust me." You whisper. Zevlor sighs and with a soft smile, he agrees.

Once the child is born your vampire housemate is drawn to the puny creature; tiptoing into the nursery one night to peek over the bassinet as it sobs tiredly. For a moment, he feels awestuck at just how vulnerable the newborn is. Tiny rounded features with softly pointed ears and a teifling tail that is no thicker than a quill. Astarion speaks to the babe quietly, trying his best to keep it from waking it's exhausted parents. "Shhhh little one, its alright." He coos. After a moment of gentle shushing your child stops crying, finding the elf's gentle voice and the soft glow of his ruby eyes soothing. Immediately Astarion feels an unfamiliar warmth spread across his chest; its as if his undead heart is melting straight through his ribcage. He sighs before pulling up a chair and taking a seat next to the cradle. "I suppose its not as if I have anything better to do." he thinks to himself, trying his best to avoid the realm of possibility that he cares for the infant. In the following days, you mention offhandedly to Astarion that the baby has stopped crying at night. Zevlor reiterates you, saying how great it feels to finally get a full nights sleep. Astarion scoffs, giving a quick "Thank gods" before changing the subject.

However, as the years begin to pass, Astarion and your toddler become close. Much to your surprise Astarion starts to volunteer himself to watch your child whenever you or Zevlor express the desire to 'get away'. Although you knew Astarion was safe for your child to be around, you never figured he would actually have genuine interest in them. After all, he was only a close friend. He didn't have to concern himself with your child if he didn't want to and you made sure he knew that. But Astarion can no longer hide behind his usual facade of indifference and arrogance; his affection for your child is slowly becoming evident. Sometimes, Astarion will string himself along the sofa with a wine glass in one hand with your child being supported in the other. "I don't think your mother would appreciate it if I let you have a taste, my dear," he would say, holding his glass to the side as your child reaches for it. "Now, on the otherhand, if I were in charge.."

One afternoon while preparing lunch, you start to hear giggling coming from the hall's entryway behind you. As a protective mother of a michievious child, your interest is piqued. After a moment of thought, you decide to stop what you are doing and investigate. You dust the flour off your apron and stride down the hall, your mind beginning to race with all the possibilities of what your child could be getting into. The noise gets louder and louder as you walk until you approach your child's bedroom. You halt, pressing your ear to the door to listen for a moment but you are unable to make out any string of words. You twist the handle and your eyes widen as you open the door. Before you is Astarion, sat on the floor, with a feather boa around his neck. His wrist is pointing downward and his are fingers spread as your child is holding his pale hand by the knuckle. Upon further investivation you see that your child is painting Astarions nails a glittery black with comically crude level of precision. Astarion slowly turns his head over to you, his eyes half-lidded with mock offense. "Do you mind? I've waited all month for this appointment so you'll just have to come back later. Isn't that right (Your childs name?)" Astarion flashes you a faint reciprocating smile before turning back to your toddler.

If you ask Astarion how he feels about your child he will be very vague with his answer. "Oh, (your childs name?) Cunning little thing isn't she/he. Honestly, I didn't think I met anyone more stubborn than you until you decided to have kids with a tiefling commander." In truth, he absolute adores that kid. If anyone were to make the mistake of trying to lay a finger on your child he wouldn't hesitate to slit their neck.

Both Zevlor and you completely trust Astarion with your child at this point; even considering making him a godfather at one point. If you do decide to make him a godfather, he will get choked up; trying his damnest not to cry as all the emotions he has tried to hide for so long come crashing down.

[mistercrowbar]

Sometimes a family is two dads, the alien baby they forgot in their inventory, and 7000 vampire spawn unleashed into the Underdark.

[chipchopclipclop]

epilogue making me want to draw them again.... i enjoy coming up with reasons for why charas are wearing clothes games force them into lmao

[spadoodle]

Goth Uncle Astarion.

[kageyaudi]

BIRTHDAY ART!! (⁠ᵔ⁠ᴥ⁠ᵔ⁠) 🎂🎉 (my actual birthday is November 27th but I'm slow)

[astarions-wife]

Just fell to my knees thinking about the other companions having children, and those children calling Astarion “uncle star” no one touch me.

[rahuratna]

Synopsis: Former adventurer turned farmer, Robinthorpe Frederick Harrishmuckle hadn't expected to be picked up by a mindflayer ship while tending his pumpkins.

Join Uncle Bob on his wholesome adventure to save Faerûn, as he protects Shadowheart on the beach, gives Lae'zel a good 'talking to', and discovers Astarion's thirsty secrets a lot earlier than the vampire spawn intended ...

(My Uncle Tav crack fic, inspired by this hilarious post. He's the Uncle the party never knew they needed.)

Genres: Humour, crack, fluff, angst.

Warnings: Bob.

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

When she first regained consciousness, briefly, the sun was a furnace beyond the welcome barrier of her eyelids. Drifting back to the nebulous darkness had been a welcome respite.

The next time, she had been able to open her eyes fully. She was not certain how much time had passed since the Nautiloid had first ploughed through the landscape in a writhing mass of pulverized and scorched organic material, scattering them like chaff across the shore.

Lashes fluttering, she glanced up, a crease forming between her brows. Something was sheltering her from the worst of the heat. As her vision cleared, she made out a framework of branches, skillfully meshed together, and large flat leaves lying over the top.

Sitting up slowly, someone came into view, broad back facing her. Her hand snaked toward her weapon, taking in the short stature, the ring of hair around the shiny, bald top of his scalp.

In her weakened state, she must have made some kind of noise because the man shuffled around to face her, twine caught between his teeth.

Her voice was a hoarse croak.

"Who - what are you - "

"Oh heavens, dearie. You're awake."

He set aside the net he had been mending.

"And how are we feeling? How's the old bones? No aches and pains?"

She managed to pull herself into a sitting position, eyes widening when she registered the absence of the artifact in her hand.

"You ... what did you do with it? Where is it? The artifact?"

She managed to summon up the necessary force, her tone sharp and interrogative.

He gave a sunny smile in return.

"Ah, the thingamabob you were clutching? It's right there next to you. In the basket. Ya ... there, to your left ... there you go! I thought to put it away, safe like. Never know who might come along."

Hand scrabbling around until she felt it close over the reassuring sharp edges of the artifact, Shadowheart scowled.

"You mean someone like you?"

He laughed heartily, hands slapping down on his knees.

"I suppose ... ya. Like me. But where're my manners."

He extended a hand to her, which, against her better instincts, she took.

"Names Robinthorpe Frederick Harrishmuckle, third of that name on my father's side. You can call me Bob. Everyone does."

" ... everyone?"

"Oh, the nieces and nephews and the neighbours and the gardening club. To name a few. Just 'bout everyone in town knows me, even though I live up at the old farm. I sell courgettes and pumpkins every tenday."

"My name's Shadowheart."

"Is that so? Well, pleasure's mine, Miss Shadowheart."

"How did you end up on the mindflayer ship?"

"Oh? Is that what it was? Let me think."

He tugged at his mustache.

"So, 'fore that I was in the garden, just preparing a new plot for the herbs, like. And then I hear a big noise, like clap o' thunder over the hills. And I was mighty puzzled, 'cos I'm seein' no clouds, none at all. And I look over to Eddie and Maud's place, 'cos sometimes his barn door slams open and makes a thump. But I see none of that. And - "

Shadowheart shot him a look and he cleared his throat.

"But you want me to cut to the chase, if I'm not mistaken. So there I was, with my trusty hoe, Bernard in hand and - "

"Bernard?"

"My hoe. Bernard. He's a little rusty, but he gets the job done. And then this giant shadow falls over me, and I see some huge shape with a tentacle squirming down to me, and next thing, I'm in little pod and it's so tight, I tell you, I can hardly scratch my toe."

Shadowheart massaged at the growing headache she could feel coming on.

"You ... can still feel it, can't you? The tadpole they put in our heads?"

His mouth wrinkled in distaste.

"Oh, aye. Got one of them squigglers right here behind the eye. Reminds me of the time I was helping Tom birth a calf and I got a squirt of something right in the - "

"That's quite enough, thank you. Look, we need to do something about this. The tadpole won't wriggle it's way out. We need a healer before we turn into midflayers ourselves."

Bob raised a finger and got to his feet, hurrying over to small fire he'd started from the dry driftwood that littered the beach. He'd salvaged a helmet and used it as a pot, something simmering within.

"Now, finding a healer's all well and good, but we ain't getting far if we don't get some victuals in us."

"You ... cooked?"

"Oh, ya. Some clams and edible seaweed make a good boil up."

He offered her a steaming bowl fashioned from gleaming metal salvage.

"Careful now, it's hot."

Taking a sip, Shadowheart raised her eyebrows. This was ... good. Granted, eating something a stranger had prepared went against every honed instinct she had, but Bob seemed ... innocuous, she supposed.

He was now holding something up to her brow, squinting. She frowned.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Makin' a sunhat, dearie. Wife used to love 'em. All I've got is some old netting, but it'll do. Can't have the sun beatin' down on your head when you get out of this here shelter."

It was positively hideous. The ratty netting looked like it had been lying on the beach for a full year, but Shadowheart could see that it had been well washed and the skill that had gone into weaving it together.

He'd done all of this ... for her?

No. There had to be something more to this. Was he ingratiating himself with her because she was obviously a capable fighter?

Tilting her chin up, she considered him coldly.

"Why are you helping me? Do you think you'll get something out of it? I have no time to waste on stragglers, you know. I don't care what you've done. If you can't keep up, I'm leaving you behind."

To her surprise, he beamed back.

"Oho, is that so? Well, I'll have you know, Miss Shadowheart, that I used to be an adventurer back in the day. It'd take more than being kidnapped and thrown into the wilderness to get one over ol' Bob."

He tapped the side of his nose and winked. Shadowheart opened her mouth and closed it again.

"Now eat up, eat up. I've spied some ruins up ahead, and that's always the best place to find some salvage."

"You. Get me down from here."

Shadowheart grimaced.

She'd been hoping that they wouldn't run into the ferocious githyanki from the mindflayer ship again. She could only hope that Bob would exercise some common sense and leave her up there to -

"Oi! What's goin' on 'ere?"

The tieflings immediately readied their weapons, eyes taking in their small party.

Gale cleared his throat and glanced over at Bob, whose righteous anger had made his chest puff out like a short, elderly rooster.

"Perhaps we should approach this situation with some delicacy - "

Bob's finger shot out, so fast that the tieflings flinched and half-raised their bows.

"Now listen 'ere, you lot. You let that lass down this instant."

Shadowheart raised an eyebrow.

"Lass is a bit of a stretch, don't you think?"

Lae'zel hissed at her from within the cage, teeth bared.

The tieflings regained some of their righteous anger.

"Who are you? This is our quarry. The gith wandered right into our trap and some of her kin had a run in with one of our patrols. We aren't letting her go."

"The name's Robinthorpe Frederick Harrishmuckle, and I'm known 'round here as Bob."

Gale scratched at his beard.

"Well. That's sure to intimidate them."

Bob strode forward, ignoring the increasingly edgy looks from the tieflings.

"What's this cage in aid of then? Ain't you got better ways to face your enemies than lockin' 'em up like animals? I kept animals, over on the farm, Gods bless the poor dearies. Hope Maud's lookin' out for 'em. But that's beside the point! Don't put things in cages, mate. Shows how closed off your own thinkin' is."

Spreading her hands, one of the tieflings took a step forward.

"Are you out of your mind? Do you know anything about how dangerous gith are?"

"Well, if you both clear off, I'll find out for myself, thank you very much."

The tiefling's patrol partner eyed their group, then Lae'zel's cage warily. He'd evidently decided that taking her out would be too much trouble, because he nodded slowly and began to move away.

"On your own head be it."

"What?"

His partner glanced over at the cage, then back at him.

"We're just going to - "

"Nymessa. Come."

She gritted her teeth and followed him, not sparing them a second glance.

Lae'zel's voice carried over to where they stood.

"Now get me down from here imm- "

Bob whirled on her, the deadly pointing finger making a reappearance.

"And you, young lady. What d'you think you're doin' talking back to your captors like that? Have you any common sense? One well-placed arrow and you'd be a green splat on the bottom of that there cage."

Lae'zel's stared, reduced to shocked silence as Bob's tirade continued.

"I mean, you just ran off after the mindflayer ship. No note. No sign. Not a single mark on a damn tree to tell us where you'd gotten to. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is in these parts?"

Gale waved a hand, noting the building fury behind Lae'zel's gaze now that the surprise had worn off. She clutched the bars of the cage and shook them.

"You ... you dare to reprimand me? Lae'zel of crèche K'liir?"

"Well, good morrow to you, Lae'zel. Nice to finally have a name to put to the face. Now prepare yourself. We're going to take out the bottom of the cage."

Seething, Lae'zel hopped up and clung to the sides of the cage while Gale's well-aimed disintegration spell caused the bottom of her prison to drift to the ground in a fine, powdery mist.

Jumping down, she stalked over, slowing when Shadowheart stepped in front of Bob, mace at the ready.

"Take one step further, Gith - "

Lae'zel sneered, expression darkening as she glanced past Shadowheart.

"You can talk a fat lot, you shiny-pated ghaik fodder, but when I roast you over the flames of my wrath - "

Bob raised his hands.

"Now, now. We're all on the same side. I take it you're going to accompany us in the search for a healer?"

"You'll accompany me, Hornyshmuckle. I have knowledge of a - "

"Ahhh, that would be Harrishmuckle," corrected Gale, one finger raised.

Lae'zel shot him a stone-cold glare.

"As if I care."

"In this case, you rather should."

Shadowheart had been listening to Lae'zel, eyes narrowed.

"Oh, go on. Tell us why you become the self-appointed leader."

Lae'zel clicked her tongue.

"There is a purification facility at every githyanki crèche. That scout mentioned a patrol nearby. If that's the case, then there's bound to be a crèche somewhere in the region. If we find it, we'll be rid of these tadpoles."

Bob nodded slowly.

"That could be an option, for sure."

"It's our only option."

"Nevertheless, let's keep our minds open. I take it that we're traveling together from now on, Lae'zel?"

"As much as it pains me to say it, yes."

"Oh, it pains you," came Shadowheart's acidic reply, as she finally sheathed her mace.

Bob nudged her.

"Miss Shadowheart, try not to take it personal-like that she wanted to leave you behind on the mindflayer ship."

"Who wouldn't take that personally?"

Gale raised his hand.

"If survival were on the cards, I would hardly blame someone for choosing the safer option. The fastest way of getting out, unhindered."

"So we should have left you in that portal then?"

"I'm very grateful that you didn't, but you'd have been fully within your rights to do so," came the wizard's unerringly cheerful rejoinder.

"I'll keep that in mind, should you ever be stuck in another, Gale."

Bob chortled and slapped Gale's shoulder.

"Now, now, if we did that we wouldn't have an amazing cook on our hands. You're quite the master of stuffed mushrooms, lad."

Gale raised an eyebrow.

"One would hope that my skills with the Weave were more appreciated - "

Lae'zel snorted.

"So you're a wizard. However you look at it, you wouldn't last ten minutes in the deeper reaches of the astral planes."

"What makes you think that?"

"Your reedy arms."

Bob held out his short appendages.

"Oh, oh, what about me?"

"You'd probably be mistaken for a space hamster and roasted by a hungry patrol."

"Ha ha! A most terrible fate. Now, come warriors and wizards! We have a long journey ahead of us. Let's go by the beach. I saw a fella there who looked like he'd be mighty handy with a knife."

Astarion glanced up from his book, mouth automatically curving into an alluring smile.

"Ah, always a pleasure to see you sauntering - um. Trotting. Trotting over. You certainly don't saunter, darling."

Bob waved him off, holding out a bowl.

"Ain't sauntered a day in my life, son. Now, Gale and I have been cooking up one hell of a stew and - "

"Oh, how kind. Leave it here. I'll ... help myself later."

Bob set down his burden with care and Astarion froze, the tips of his fingers digging into the spine of the book.

The large bowl was full of blood. And it was fresh, by the smell of it.

Regaining his composure rapidly, Astarion's eyes shot over to the others before returning to the man squatting expectantly before him. 

"What's ... the meaning of this?"

The corners of Bob's eyes creased in sympathetic sorrow. He kept his voice low enough that nobody else would be able to listen in.

"I know what you are, Astarion. Ain't no use hidin' it. I told you I used to be an adventurer. Seen my fair share of vampire spawn. The teeth. The skin. The eyes. Those marks on your neck."

He gestured and Astarion sat bolt upright, hand rising to his collar. Bob shook his head.

"Look, I understand why you'd want to keep this under wraps. Won't say nothin' to the others, unless you want me to. But ... I gotta say, you're lookin' mighty peaky, boyo. Even for a vamp - "

Astarion surged forward, the dagger that was always on his person pressing with intent into Bob's cushioned abdomen.

"Don't move. I can gut you and escape in an instant."

Bob remained still as a stone, but there was no sign of real fear in his face. Astarion bit his lip.

"What do you intend to do with this information?"

"Nothin' at all. Look, we're all in a bit of a situation. Don't matter to me whether you're a vampire or a bleedin' harpy. Point is, we all need each other's help. You've been right handy with your bow and your lockpicks and thingamajigs. But you're ... starving. I can see it. Just drink the blood, there's a dearie. It's my blood."

The knife eased away from Bob's ample belly.

"Your blood?"

Holding up a hand wrapped neatly in a bandage, Bob nodded.

"Healing potion did most of the work for me. I can keep ya fed, is what I'm sayin'. No need to hunt boars and bears and such."

"You ... you knew about that?"

"'Course I did! They were showing up bloodless around camp, and how many pointy fanged fellas do we know, eh?"

Astarion scowled and retreated, crouching on his haunches. In spite of how fey and feral he seemed in that moment, there was an edge of vulnerability to his expression, a vaguely bruised look about the eyes and mouth. He reached up, brushing back his hair, taking a deep, steadying breath.

"And you'll let me decide ... when I want the others to know?"

"On my word."

Bob pushed the bowl towards Astarion.

"Now eat, there's a good lad."

He watched as the pale, clever fingers hesitantly closed around the curve of the bowl, smiling encouragingly as Astarion raised it to his nose and sniffed. It only took a moment for suspicion to be replaced with near-ravenous hunger and the elf took a sip, then drank deeply.

When he was finished, Astarion lowered the vessel and wiped off his mouth. He glanced over at Bob, shrewd and assessing.

"What do you want in return?"

"Pardon?"

Some of his old panache restored, Astarion laid back on his elbows, smile lazy and decidedly well-fed, an edge of something brittle beneath.

"Everyone wants something in return, darling. What is it you want? Gold? Sex? A handsome young thing to hang off your arm when you visit the tavern?"

Bob regarded him steadily for a minute before smiling, giving a small nod.

"Actually, there is something."

"Ha."

Astarion smirked, now on familiar ground.

"Well then? What would you have me do?"

"Well, for starters, you could help me darn my damn socks. Holes. Full of 'em. Everywhere. Wife used to help me with all that, but I never learned to do it quite like Winnie did. You seem right handy with a needle and thread, though."

Astarion gaped at him, poise quite forgotten.

"Excuse me? You want me to what?"

"Help me darn my - "

"Do you think that even one of these beautiful fingers is going anywhere near those moldy old foot coffins?"

"But you said - "

"I've seen your socks, Bob. I wouldn't touch them with Lae'zel's longsword, and I feel pity for poor Winnie who had no fucking choice, obviously. Gods below."

In his outrage, Astarion had risen to his feet, hands placed squarely on hips. He seethed down at Bob who hid his smile rather poorly, both hands raised in surrender.

"Fine, fine. Have it your way, then. I'll just bleed myself dry like a prize pig every other day to - "

"Did I say I wasn't going to give you something in return?"

"Oh? You are?"

Astarion waved a haughty hand.

"Socks are absolutely out of the question. But your clothes look like you've stolen them from a neighbourhood scarecrow."

"Hey now!"

"Shut up. I can embroider them, if you'd like. Nothing more, nothing less."

The switch in behaviour, from coy and alluring to bristly and sharp-tongued, would have had most baffled. Bob took it in his stride, noting that Astarion's posture and speech had taken on a far more authentic ring.

Nodding, satisfied, he rose.

"All right then. It's a deal."

The reply came as Bob turned to walk away, so soft, so weighted with years of disuse.

"Thank you. I won't forget this."

"No need, lad. No need."

Taglist: @radish-breath @fantasyheroine @roguishcat @clericblood @davenswitcher

[x-jinxa-x]

Alright, I like dadstarion but hear me out...Uncle Astarion.

Godfather of Tav's child(ren), goes full rich Auntie for them, fun uncle who hands kids off whenever they start crying, and will become the monster to whoever picks on or hurts his little niblings.

[hijackalx]

the way that astarion interacts with minsc makes me think he’d be the most patient dad. like u can tell that even when he gets pissed off with him he knows to be gentle.

i dont see him wanting lots of kids. maybe one. but theyd be his little mini-me and follow him everywhere. theyre his little buddy. their dad is just the coolest person in the world and they have to learn how to be exactly like him.

and of course he tells them all kinds of stories about himself that are probably farfetched and make him seem cooler than he actually is.

that child is his weak point, and he is not good at disciplining them lol. which probably gets both of them in trouble often. if u ask him to lay down the law, he’ll make up excuses for them. “oh, they didn’t mean it. leave them be, will you?” and then afterwards will go sneak off to have a talk with them like, “don’t do that anymore, okay? you keep getting me in trouble.” but it's the softest scolding ever. sometimes it's effective. sometimes it's not.

[theswedishpajas]

So I started watching something today

[pepto-bismolfan]

Not to stomp on anyone’s fun but every time I see a headcannon about Astarion as a father a bhaalspawn loses its parental figure

[mossy-rossy]

Leon: Vampire spawn siblings musings #1

I love love love Astarion having post-cazador interactions with the other spawn (IE underdark vampire colony) but the thing that mainly trips me up is Leon. Read it on another post where Cazadors death must have been one of the happiest moments of Leons life , He and his daughter are free. Only to find her dead bc of Dalyria. actually 100% agree with OP that Leon wordlessly walks into sunlight to kill himself BUTTT thats not fun for me if I want him interacting post canon. So I'm waving my hand and say a certain wizard from waterdeep uses a Scroll of true resurrection on Victoria. (Have a longish idea why'd he'd do it that I wont bore you but essentially He feels bad for the girl that didnt stand a chance and was convinced he was gonna sacrifice himself to destroy the netherbrain anyways). adds a nice dynamic with Leon disliking Astarion but genuinely liking his wizard boyfriend when they move to the Underdark lol. Anyways all that hand waving to get a scene between astarion and his youngest "brother". What could they be like without the threat of cazadors disapproval hanging over their heads? I genuinely think they'd butt heads in the Underdark lmao. Astarion genuinely trying to do right with "his victims" could go against Leon "I was on the favoured spawn list so many times, most of thes spawn hate me bc i brought them here." He'd probably rather most of them die if that meant less hungry predators around victoria down there (also have a reasoning why'd he'd take her down there but its flimsy ngl). Also think Astarion would say shit like "Listen here young man" and it irritates the fuck out of Leon. He's the baby of the group and hes always grumpy. Leon probably still has the hardest "I hate being a vampire" angst out of all of them.

[esterigermaine]

I have so many questions about Astarion's birth family that it isn't even funny.

I wonder what sort of relationship/dynamic they all had before his death, I wonder how they reacted, if they knew he was "alive" as a spawn the entire time and just ignored it because that creature wasn't their son/brother/nephew anymore, how they would react if told he had spent 200 years suffering. Most of all, I wonder if they would accept (or be proud of) the man he became at the end of the game.

[vixstarria]

WIP Wednesday Thursday Friday

Tagged by @brabblesblog (thanks!)

Alright, here's something:

They silently beheld the dhampir toddler on the ceiling for some moments, before meeting each other’s eyes.   “Do not tell me you want one,” Astarion pointed a cautionary finger at Asmodea.   “No thanks,” she curled her lip, before looking up at the child again. “But can you go get that thing off the ceiling? Or shall I go fetch a broom?”  “Why bother?” said Astarion, stretching his legs. “It seems perfectly happy up there.”  “What if it falls and cracks its head open?” Asmodea said with a frown, crossing her arms. “Your associate wouldn’t be very impressed if his daughter died in the 3 minutes she was in our care.”  They both gasped in unison and made for the centre of the room as the little girl suddenly got on her feet and wobbled, upside down, towards the chandelier. 

tagging @spacebarbarianweird @littlejuicebox @tragedybunny (no pressure!)

[lepusrufus]

Nothing compares to the feeling when things click in place and the planets align and you finally figure out how to properly use a character so you get to see them absolutely wreck enemies like a proud parent

[wellthebardsdead]

Falûne: *clip clopping ahead of the group giddily* Zorru said he met the Githyanki just over the bridge and past waukeens re- *staggers back as a circle of hellfire erupts before them and Raphael steps through* !!!

Raphael: th-

Falûne: *simply falls onto his side passing out in fright*

Astarion: Falûne?!

Gale: what did you do to him!?

Raphael: *sighs and kneels down patting him* he’s fine he just fainted… like a goat.

Falûne: *scared goat noises*…