#uncle astarion

[chronicsinner]

Parent Tav x Zevlor + Uncle Astarion Headcanons

Imagine: Tav and Zevlor having a child (whether adopted or biological) and astarion is living with them as the sassy gay uncle.

Authors notes: This was supposed to be a shitpost but I just kept typing lmao. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Once the Elder Brain is defeated, you and Zevlor offer Astarion a place to stay. You know Astarion has been through enormous hardship and you don't wish for him to be thrusted into his freedom alone. He won't admit it, but he is very thankful to be able to stay with someone he is familiar with; especially when its day and he can't go outside.

After a year or so of living together, you discover you are pregnant (or discussing the logistics of adopting a child.) Zevlor, an older man who has never had a child of his own, becomes incredibly anxious. One night, in the privacy of the bedroom you two share, he expresses his concern about having a vampire around the baby. "You know I'm not one to judge.. but-" your partner exhales and pauses for a moment. "you're sure its safe to have a baby around a vampire?" You take Zevlor's hand in your own and give it a reassuring squeeze. You explain to him that Astarion is not a bad guy and how he was forced into being a vampire. "You are overthinking, Zev'. I know its difficult.. but please, trust me." You whisper. Zevlor sighs and with a soft smile, he agrees.

Once the child is born your vampire housemate is drawn to the puny creature; tiptoing into the nursery one night to peek over the bassinet as it sobs tiredly. For a moment, he feels awestuck at just how vulnerable the newborn is. Tiny rounded features with softly pointed ears and a teifling tail that is no thicker than a quill. Astarion speaks to the babe quietly, trying his best to keep it from waking it's exhausted parents. "Shhhh little one, its alright." He coos. After a moment of gentle shushing your child stops crying, finding the elf's gentle voice and the soft glow of his ruby eyes soothing. Immediately Astarion feels an unfamiliar warmth spread across his chest; its as if his undead heart is melting straight through his ribcage. He sighs before pulling up a chair and taking a seat next to the cradle. "I suppose its not as if I have anything better to do." he thinks to himself, trying his best to avoid the realm of possibility that he cares for the infant. In the following days, you mention offhandedly to Astarion that the baby has stopped crying at night. Zevlor reiterates you, saying how great it feels to finally get a full nights sleep. Astarion scoffs, giving a quick "Thank gods" before changing the subject.

However, as the years begin to pass, Astarion and your toddler become close. Much to your surprise Astarion starts to volunteer himself to watch your child whenever you or Zevlor express the desire to 'get away'. Although you knew Astarion was safe for your child to be around, you never figured he would actually have genuine interest in them. After all, he was only a close friend. He didn't have to concern himself with your child if he didn't want to and you made sure he knew that. But Astarion can no longer hide behind his usual facade of indifference and arrogance; his affection for your child is slowly becoming evident. Sometimes, Astarion will string himself along the sofa with a wine glass in one hand with your child being supported in the other. "I don't think your mother would appreciate it if I let you have a taste, my dear," he would say, holding his glass to the side as your child reaches for it. "Now, on the otherhand, if I were in charge.."

One afternoon while preparing lunch, you start to hear giggling coming from the hall's entryway behind you. As a protective mother of a michievious child, your interest is piqued. After a moment of thought, you decide to stop what you are doing and investigate. You dust the flour off your apron and stride down the hall, your mind beginning to race with all the possibilities of what your child could be getting into. The noise gets louder and louder as you walk until you approach your child's bedroom. You halt, pressing your ear to the door to listen for a moment but you are unable to make out any string of words. You twist the handle and your eyes widen as you open the door. Before you is Astarion, sat on the floor, with a feather boa around his neck. His wrist is pointing downward and his are fingers spread as your child is holding his pale hand by the knuckle. Upon further investivation you see that your child is painting Astarions nails a glittery black with comically crude level of precision. Astarion slowly turns his head over to you, his eyes half-lidded with mock offense. "Do you mind? I've waited all month for this appointment so you'll just have to come back later. Isn't that right (Your childs name?)" Astarion flashes you a faint reciprocating smile before turning back to your toddler.

If you ask Astarion how he feels about your child he will be very vague with his answer. "Oh, (your childs name?) Cunning little thing isn't she/he. Honestly, I didn't think I met anyone more stubborn than you until you decided to have kids with a tiefling commander." In truth, he absolute adores that kid. If anyone were to make the mistake of trying to lay a finger on your child he wouldn't hesitate to slit their neck.

Both Zevlor and you completely trust Astarion with your child at this point; even considering making him a godfather at one point. If you do decide to make him a godfather, he will get choked up; trying his damnest not to cry as all the emotions he has tried to hide for so long come crashing down.

[mistercrowbar]

Sometimes a family is two dads, the alien baby they forgot in their inventory, and 7000 vampire spawn unleashed into the Underdark.

[chipchopclipclop]

epilogue making me want to draw them again.... i enjoy coming up with reasons for why charas are wearing clothes games force them into lmao

[spadoodle]

Goth Uncle Astarion.

[astarions-wife]

Just fell to my knees thinking about the other companions having children, and those children calling Astarion “uncle star” no one touch me.

[x-jinxa-x]

Alright, I like dadstarion but hear me out...Uncle Astarion.

Godfather of Tav's child(ren), goes full rich Auntie for them, fun uncle who hands kids off whenever they start crying, and will become the monster to whoever picks on or hurts his little niblings.

[hijackalx]

the way that astarion interacts with minsc makes me think he’d be the most patient dad. like u can tell that even when he gets pissed off with him he knows to be gentle.

i dont see him wanting lots of kids. maybe one. but theyd be his little mini-me and follow him everywhere. theyre his little buddy. their dad is just the coolest person in the world and they have to learn how to be exactly like him.

and of course he tells them all kinds of stories about himself that are probably farfetched and make him seem cooler than he actually is.

that child is his weak point, and he is not good at disciplining them lol. which probably gets both of them in trouble often. if u ask him to lay down the law, he’ll make up excuses for them. “oh, they didn’t mean it. leave them be, will you?” and then afterwards will go sneak off to have a talk with them like, “don’t do that anymore, okay? you keep getting me in trouble.” but it's the softest scolding ever. sometimes it's effective. sometimes it's not.

[theswedishpajas]

So I started watching something today

[esterigermaine]

I have so many questions about Astarion's birth family that it isn't even funny.

I wonder what sort of relationship/dynamic they all had before his death, I wonder how they reacted, if they knew he was "alive" as a spawn the entire time and just ignored it because that creature wasn't their son/brother/nephew anymore, how they would react if told he had spent 200 years suffering. Most of all, I wonder if they would accept (or be proud of) the man he became at the end of the game.

[vixstarria]

WIP Wednesday Thursday Friday

Tagged by @brabblesblog (thanks!)

Alright, here's something:

They silently beheld the dhampir toddler on the ceiling for some moments, before meeting each other’s eyes.   “Do not tell me you want one,” Astarion pointed a cautionary finger at Asmodea.   “No thanks,” she curled her lip, before looking up at the child again. “But can you go get that thing off the ceiling? Or shall I go fetch a broom?”  “Why bother?” said Astarion, stretching his legs. “It seems perfectly happy up there.”  “What if it falls and cracks its head open?” Asmodea said with a frown, crossing her arms. “Your associate wouldn’t be very impressed if his daughter died in the 3 minutes she was in our care.”  They both gasped in unison and made for the centre of the room as the little girl suddenly got on her feet and wobbled, upside down, towards the chandelier. 

tagging @spacebarbarianweird @littlejuicebox @tragedybunny (no pressure!)

[lepusrufus]

Nothing compares to the feeling when things click in place and the planets align and you finally figure out how to properly use a character so you get to see them absolutely wreck enemies like a proud parent

[wellthebardsdead]

Falûne: *clip clopping ahead of the group giddily* Zorru said he met the Githyanki just over the bridge and past waukeens re- *staggers back as a circle of hellfire erupts before them and Raphael steps through* !!!

Raphael: th-

Falûne: *simply falls onto his side passing out in fright*

Astarion: Falûne?!

Gale: what did you do to him!?

Raphael: *sighs and kneels down patting him* he’s fine he just fainted… like a goat.

Falûne: *scared goat noises*…

[cindertherabbit]

The Hughs Venn Diagram

pictured: top left: hugh laurie (house; house m.d.) bottom centre: hugh grant (forge fitzwilliam; d&d movie) top right: huey (ducktales) middle left: adam sandler (howard ratner; uncut gems) middle right: scrooge mcduck (ducktales) centre: astarion (baldur's gate 3)

[lucrezianoin]

Awww I only managed to get the end of this banter but ASTARION VOICE

[drowfag]

i get 1d10 psychic damage whenever people put astarion in the straightest heteronormative marriages with kids and everything. like that man would be a reluctant father at best. he has barely had time to figure out who he is outside the context of Cazador and lost his entire youth to abuse. he shouldn't be tied down with kids when he should experiencing everything he missed out on without the responsibility of caring for something else. at least give him a few decades to fuck around.

[prettyboykatsuki]

uncle astarion is the auntie who picks you up from a night of revelry u know you shouldn't be at- but he doesn't let ya'll leave until after he gets a couple of free drinks for not busting the celebration

no literally. like he always has your back and tells you not to be stupid but he rlly thinks its good for you to be a little stupid. i also think he is categorically bad with children but unclehood makes him a patron saint and that is so very fun to me. like yes he's going to pick you up from the party and no he wont tell your dad but that liquor cabinet needs to be loaded up in his backseat first.

like esp when kids are babies he's like ????? but i think his honorary nieces and nephews stick to him like glue which is so funny. hes so funny