#un-enlisting

[aestheticaltcow]

Last Updated: 09/13/2024

Teasing

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy is a tease, and you love it. MDNI 18+

Elementary School

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy comes to pick you up from work while Richie teases the two of you

What Happens In Vegas Doesn't Always Stay In Vegas

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x OC A four-part series about a past mistake both Carmy and Ellie had long forgotten about. Part 1: Those are Legal? Part 2: The Bear, Abuse of Power, and a Dick Measuring Contest Part 3: The Fight Part 4: DC in October

Family Ties

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy butts heads with his 17-year-old daughter

Father's Day

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Father's day cards covered in glitter and a surprise, what more could Carmy ask for?

High School

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy didn't like high school, but he did like you, so when you asked him to come speak to this year's graduating class, how could he say no?

Food is Love

~Requested~ (forgot to give it a title) Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader After the passing of your father, you have a hankering for "Daddy Soup." You can't figure out the recipe, so you enlist the help of your Michelin star boyfriend to figure it out

Slumber Party

~Requested~ Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader You didn't take Carmy as a 3-in-1 guy but I guess sleeping over at his place for the first time gives you a good amount of insight on your boyfriend.

Feral

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader After work fun ~ MDNI 18+

Our Future (2 Parts)

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader Age gaps can be difficult. Being at two different times in your life makes the idea of the future seem impossible. Part 1: Our Future Part 2: Our Present

Social Media Manager: The Series

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Marcus's friend Rusty is intriguing, and Carmy wants to get to know her better. Why not hire her to revamp The Bear's social media pages? Part 1: Introductions and Donuts Part 2: Meetings, Meetings, Meetings Part 3: Drinks? Part 4: Bars and Miscommunication

The Carmy Blurb Playlist

A collection of Carmy blurbs inspired by songs I dig that give me Carmy vibes

A Different Point of View

Natalie Berzatto's POV on the events of Season 1

Cigarettes Multiverse (3 Parts)

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader MDNI 18+ Friends with benefits worked for you and Carmy until it didn't. Part 1: Cigarettes - Rozei Part 2: Girlfriend Treatment Part 3: Boyfriend Treatment

Six Months (5 parts)

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Six months postpartum and six months of celibacy, is a sexually frustrated Carmy going to risk his marriage and future relationship with his daughter for a woman who smells like artificial vanilla? Part 1: Six Months Part 2: The Night It Went Wrong Part 3: The Aftermath Part 4: Two Months Part 5: Healing

Three-Three-Three

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Based on the fridge scene of the S2 finale; you help Carmy calm down when he's having a panic attack

You're un-beet-liveable

Sydney "Syd" Aduam x Male Reader (actually, it's Paul Mescal) A cute delivery guy makes Syd a little less annoyed that Carmy asked her to come in early.

Is this what you were looking for?

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy has a habit of misplacing his wedding ring, so he came up with a better alternative.

The Playdate

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader Tiffany asks if Richie can pick Eva up from a playdate.

Lockdowns & Ladyfingers

Chef Luca x Reader Luca is the hot neighbor, after getting the 411 from the grannies in the building; you make your move.

Our Life

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader You see Carmy's sketchbook and can't help but fall more in love with him.

Love Story

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Just a sweet lil narrative of Carmy fallin' for you

Sorry?

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader The story of the time you don't get off MDNI 18+

Cooking Class

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader "Six Months" universe spin-off sorta... Sugar actions off a cooking class hosted by our favorite little chef,. Carmy is a sexy man here's his response to some unwanted flirtation.

That Poster Trend

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader With Carmy's 30th birthday fast approaching, you were struggling to figure out the perfect gift for him—at least until you were reminded of that TikTok beer poster trend.

Fatherhood: Carmy Berzatto

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto's adventures in single fatherhood.

Proposal Gone Wrong

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Carmy wants nothing more than to marry you; unfortunately, with his luck, Murphy's Law took over.

How do you do it?

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader Richie's at his wits end with Carmy. Some advice may make it a little better.

To Chicago and Beyond

Carmen "Carmy" Beratto x Reader Long distance becomes short distance- so short you're within arm's reach of each other.

The Joy Of Cooking

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader You and Carmy are moving in together; nothing bad could happen, right?

Gimme a Minute

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Just something I threw together while I was waiting for my individual supervision session to start.

Drunken Escapades

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader It turns out you met Mikey before he passed; you just didn't know it. Part 1 Part 2 (MDNI 18+)

No Phone Policy

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader I'm in an angsty mood; I'm sorry, everyone. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 The Prequel Part 5

Allergic to Sunshine

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Request!

Double Trouble

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich x Reader MDNI 18+ Double the trouble but twice the joy. Thank you, God, for giving me a twin. Do you ever have one of those stupid ideas that sticks in your brain even though it feels kinda stupid? Yea... that's what this was. Part 1: Double Trouble Part 2: I'll Raise You One Better Part 3: Wedding of the Year

Coffee Run

Sydney "Syd" Adamu x Reader Someone requested a Syd x fem reader story a few months ago, and here it is!

Hot Stuff

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Request! Carmy with a plus size reader and him comforting her while she’s not feeling pretty.

Written Romance

Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader Request! Carmy finds love in an indie book shop.

[munsonluhvr]

UNDERCOVER LOVE

contents: Eddie Munson x popular!reader. sneaky link trope! eddie munson x f!reader. 18+ content! eddie is your sneaky link and passes u a note in class to meet him at your secret meeting spot.

“Psst,” the voice next to you says, calling your attention to them. Your classmate who sits beside you, leans discreetly across the aisle, a folded piece of paper in his hand. He eyes the teacher’s movements to avoid getting caught passing you a note.  “It’s from the freak,” your classmate whispers, a sympathetic look on his face. 

Over your shoulder, you glance at Eddie who sits several rows behind you, a smug look is plastered on his face. You give him a look, mad that he exposed the connection between you by enlisting your classmates to pass you a note. Couldn’t Eddie just wait after class and talk to you? 

You’ve been hooking up with Eddie Munson for months, the secret relationship never losing its excitement. If anyone found out, however, it would ruin both of your reputations. The popular girl could never be seen with the freak, right? Plus, Eddie has his own reputation to uphold as he’s expressed to you many times; he doesn’t want to be taunted or beat up by the immense amount of guys that fawn over you. It’s just easier to keep your activities with each other a secret. 

Underneath the desk, you un-fold the piece of paper. “After school – you know where,” is written in Eddie’s handwriting. You swallow, a hot flush engulfing your entire body, your cunt automatically beginning to moisten. Vignettes of the countless time you’ve met up with Eddie in secret, your body pushed up against school bathroom walls, his hand settled between your thighs turns over in your mind. Your legs clench together at the thoughts. 

Forty minutes later, after class had concluded, you’re wandering down the darkened hallway in the basement of the high school. Your stomach is filled with anticipation, wondering what Eddie has in store for you today. It had been exactly two weeks since the last time you had seen Eddie, one of his Hellfire Club trails lasting days and you had a cheer competition that took you out of town. The entire time you missed Eddie’s touch desperately, the memories of Eddie’s fluffy head between your thighs driving you mad; you had to touch yourself, over and over, to suppress the desire that was burning you from the inside out. 

 You and Eddie’s official meeting spot is the bathroom on the bottom floor beside the boy’s locker room. The bathroom was notoriously dysfunctional, a permanent ‘out of order’ sign plastered on the door. Eddie had deemed the bathroom a safe meeting place for you and his activities. Above you, the light fixture flickers in an infrequent pattern, voices floating down the hallway from the locker room. You hear voices coming down the stairs behind you, boys on their way to change into the locker room before practice, so you pick up your pace. Within a few paces, you are at the bathroom door. 

You knock lightly, one, twice. The door flies open, an arm flying out from inside the bathroom, grasping your bicep and pulling you in rapidly. Eddie pushes you against the wall, his large hand covering your mouth. “Shh,” Eddie whispers in a low tone. You frown, but nod against the strength of his hand pushing you against the wall. 

Your chest rises and falls, an intense wave of anticipation causing your knees to become weak underneath you. Outside, you hear the voices of boys get louder, approaching the bathroom door, then dissipate as they pass by and enter into the locker room, the double doors closing behind them. Once he’s sure there’s no one else coming, Eddie loosens the grip around your mouth. 

“Just had to make sure nobody else was coming,” Eddie says, his fingertips grazing the gap between your skirt and top. “Can’t have anyone hear you screaming, now can we?” 

Your top teeth graze your bottom lip, bringing your lip further into your mouth. You smile, your fingers trembling with need. Without hesitation, you reach out, your hand cupping the side of Eddie’s face, drawing his body closer to you. You’re still pushed up against the wall, Eddie’s body now pinning you back, and you let your hand travel to his crotch. “For the past two weeks, all I could think about his you fucking me.” You say, your hand enclosing on his crotch. 

Eddie let’s his mouth linger over yours, your confession bringing wild, dirty thoughts to his mind. Eddie, too, is eager to de-cloth you, the time away from each other causing Eddie the most unsatisfying experience of pure sexual frustration. Nonchalantly, Eddie unzips the zipper on the side of your skirt, the article of clothing dropping to the bathroom floor immediately. “What did you want me to do to you?” 

‘The most unholy things,’ is what you want to say but you know Eddie wants you to be incredibly specific; Eddie loves when you confess about the fantasies you have about him, about the time you spend together. You let your eyes flutter shut, your head thrown back, as Eddie hooks his fingers on your panties, beginning to pull down slowly. “T-That thing that you do with your tongue, I know you know what I mean.” You say, your breath hitching with every movement Eddie makes. 

“I think I do since you’re always left crying when I’m done. And look how wet you are for me already.” Eddie says, crouching to his knees. Now face to face with your bare cunt, Eddie places his hand on your thigh, your leg lifting to be hooked onto his shoulder. “Fuck, Eddie, c’mon. It’s been so long since I’ve felt you,” You whimper, desperation lacing your tone. At this point, you’d do whatever Eddie wanted, as long as his tongue was placed on your cunt. 

“Do you want me?” Eddie asks, his fingertips of his other hand grazing your soaking wet core. You nod, your heart beating against your chest rapidly. “Ask nicely, then.” Eddie says. 

You whine, throwing your head back. Your fists clench, the feeling of Eddie’s fingertips against you tempting your patience. “Please, Eddie. I’ll be so good for you, I promise.” 

Eddie smiles, though you wouldn’t know because your eyes are squeezed shut, the anticipation too overwhelming. Eddie loves to tempt you before he goes in for the kill, watching your anticipation unravel until you can’t take it anymore makes Eddie hard, painfully hard, against his jeans. You’re so pretty when you beg, when you whimper, so Eddie complies to your mewls, his mouth attaching itself to your cunt. 

You exhale, the feeling of Eddie’s presence against you providing immense relief. His tongue works in small flicks, each movement sending shivers from your core through your torso. Your limbs become weak, your knees threatening to collapse on you. You had been with several guys before Eddie, but none ate your pussy like Eddie does.

Your hand shoots down to Eddie’s head, your fingers intertwining with his long, curly locks. You guide him deeper onto you, your hips beginning to rock against Eddie’s face. Eddie keeps up with your movements, his mouth maintaining its stance against you. Eddie reaches up, placing both of his hands on your hips, keeping his position firm. When you rock against his mouth, he catches your clit between his lips, making that the focus of his stimulation. Your eyes flutter, beginning to roll back into your head. God, did you miss him the past few weeks. 

With no warning, Eddie detaches his mouth from your cunt, his chin covered in a light sheen of your wetness. Eddie grabs your forearm, abruptly dragging you from against the wall to the counter where a row of three sinks is placed. With one swift movement, Eddie picks you up by the waist, lifting you onto the counter. With both hands, Eddie pries your legs open by your ankles. Your back is against the mirror, it rocks on the wall behind you as Eddie pushes you back onto counter. 

Eddie places himself between your legs, moving his hands off your limbs to his belt buckle and fly of his jeans. Eddie pushes his pants down just below his cock, automatically lining himself up with you. You watch as he gives you no warning and pushes thick cock into your cunt. 

“Oh, fuck,” You say, your head and body beginning to lean off to the side. Eddie steadies himself by holding on to the top of your thighs, utilizing this position to stroke steadily into you. Eddie begins intercourse with you at an even pace, each stroke pushing into your lower abdomen. You hold onto the faucet of the sink that sits beside you, needing something to grip onto as pulses of pleasure course through you. 

The way you sit on the counter, the top of your cheer uniform restricts your chest, your tits bulging out of the top. Crossing your arms across your body, you lift your top up and off from the hem, leaving you only in your bra. You’re quick to unclip your bra from the back, setting your tits free for Eddie to admire. Eddie watches you, then groans at the sight of your bare chest. He reaches out to you, cupping your breast from the bottom, his thumb and pointer finger pinching one of your nipples. You shiver, his hand feels cold against your hot skin. You realize you’re fully naked and Eddie has all of his clothes on. 

Eddie’s strokes become rough, each other pushing all the way into you. He removes his hands off of your breast, placing them back onto your hips. Eagerly, for several strokes Eddie submerses his cock completely into you; mesmerized that your tight cunt takes all of him willingly. Eddie leans back up, reaching out to put his hand around the back of your neck. Eddie pushes you forward and down, his cock in your cunt in your direct line of sight. “Watch,” Eddie says, gesturing towards where your bodies are connected. “Watch as I fuck the shit out of your tight pussy.” And you do, your heart in your throat as you watch Eddie’s cock, the veins that lace around his member, penetrate you, sending goosebumps up your biceps. 

Eddie holds you in this position until your back begins to ache, but you work through the pain, your body beginning to submit to whatever Eddie wants. You can already feel your cunt begin to throb. Eddie, on the other hand, feels himself getting closer to the end, unwillingly of course. If he could, he’d fuck you until the end of time. 

Eddie unlatches his hand from behind your neck, letting you unfold back into a normal sitting position. You begin to steady yourself again, your hands on either side of you where they fit around the two sinks that sandwich you, but Eddie steps back, pulling himself out of you. He pulls you by the ankles, bringing your backend off the counter. Placing both hands back on your hips, he rolls you onto your stomach, you are now looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Although the reflection is in front of you, Eddie is behind you enough that you can’t see what he's doing until he jams himself back into you, the extent of the soreness of your cunt revealing itself to you. You moan, the pleasure and pain overwhelming. 

You watch your reflection: the way your face contorts with pleasure, your eyebrows knitting together, your eyes beginning to water, as Eddie takes you from behind roughly. His hands are firmly placed on your waist, only leaving the position to grip your ass cheek. Eddie’s hands are magical to you, providing so much pleasure but never pain. You love the way his long digits finesse inside your cunt, the way he lets them creep into your mouth so you can suck on them, the way his large palms fumble with your assets. “Spank me,” you ask, making eye-contact with Eddie in the mirror. Eddie’s face shows slight surprise: you have never asked to be spanked before. 

“Ask me nicely, princess.” 

You scrunch your nose, a whine escaping your mouth. In reaction, Eddie pushes into you deeply, pushing your face into the mirror. “Ask me nicely, I said.” 

“Spank me, please.” You say, your fingertips digging into your palm. “Please, Eddie.”

Eddie gauges how far is far enough to offer a satisfying spank, letting his hand connect with you hard enough that it leaves a red outline of his hand. Eddie almost feels bad for a minute, feeling your jolt against his touch, but he watches your face contort in such a way that makes him think his dick is a drug to you. Your eyes squeeze shut, your top teeth sinking into your bottom lip. A grunt releases from your mouth, your knees giving out underneath you. Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything more attractive then you at this moment, your body completely under his control. 

 Without any warning, Eddie releases deep inside of you, your cunt milking every drop of what Eddie has out of him. You both stay in place, your sweat covered bodies leaning against the sink countertop. You’re both breathless, your bodies gasping for air, in search of survival. 

When you recollect your breath, Eddie steps back, allowing you to pull your clothing on. 

���I wish you didn’t have to do that.” Eddie says, breaking the silence as he watches you step into your panties. He tosses you your skirt. 

“Do what?” You say, glancing at him as you shimmy your skirt up your body. 

“Put your clothes on; you’re body is like a work of art.” You blush at his compliment, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as you bend down to reach for your bra. “You know, if we just dated I could fuck you at my house, not in a school bathroom, and you wouldn’t have to be so quick to put your clothes back on and I could admire you longer.” Eddie says, zipping his pants. 

You laugh, shaking your head. “You wish, but you know our rules.” 

Eddie shakes his head, crossing his arms. “Fuck the rules, you want to keep sneaking around like this? In this grimey ass bathroom?”  

You shrug, clipping your bra behind your back. “I don’t know, it’s kind of fun. It’s like our little secret.” 

Eddie leans against the sink counter, watching you hide your beautiful breasts from his sight in your bra. “Well, I, for one, would like to take you out. Like, on a proper date.” 

At last, you pull your top back on. “Oh, Eddie.” 

“I get it, you’re popular and I’m a freak; it’d never work out. Will you at least give me hope and say you’ll think about it?” Eddie says, leaning away from the counter and angling his body towards you. You shrug your backpack onto your shoulder, turning your attention to him. 

Eddie had become your safe space, the short time you spent with him turning from a classic hook-up, an undercover love affair, to the only point in your day or week that you felt like yourself. You were a popular cheerleader, the head of the Hawkins cheer squad. You had boys clamoring after you, your friends always telling you to pick the most popular one, but you never felt like you truly fit into that life. Everyone was always telling you what to do and how to feel, but the person you always thought about when you were on dates with these ridiculously childish teen boys was Eddie Munson. You had admitted to yourself, only a short while ago, that you had developed a crush on Eddie, tempted to do away with people’s opinions about Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson and what they would say about you as a couple.

You step closer to Eddie, leaning up on the tip of your toes to push your lips into Eddie’s. His hand meets your cheek, cupping your face lightly. His mouth is sweet, the taste of you lingering on his lips. After a second, you pull away. “I’ll think about it,” you say, with a wink. You pull away from his grip, opening the door with the handle. You peek out the hallway, making sure there’s nobody passing by – you’re all clear. Before you fully exit the door, you look over your shoulder. “Pick me up at my house at 8 tomorrow.” 

[iamalasagnagirl]

Pls, pls, pls I need more WLW book recommendations!!!

Adults, YA, spicy, soft, I don’t care. I just need wlw books because I want to switch from fanfics only to actual books as well

Okay, here we are, enjoy :)

Bright Falls Series by Ashley Herring Blake: 1. Delilah Green Doesn't Care -> Delilah Green swore she would never go back to Bright Falls - nothing is there for her except memories of a lonely childhood - but when Delilah's stepsister pressures her into photographing her wedding with a guilt trip and a large check, Delilah finds herself back in Bright Falls once more. She plans to breeze in and out, but then she sees Claire Sutherland, one of Astrid's stuck-up besties, and decides that maybe there's some fun (and a little retribution) to be had, after all. 2. Astrid Parker Doesn't Fail -> For Astrid Parker failure is unacceptable. When Pru Everwood asks her to be the designer for the Everwood Inn's renovation, which will be featured on a hugely popular home makeover show, Astrid is thrilled. However, Astrid never planned on Jordan Everwood, Pru's granddaughter and the lead carpenter for the renovation, who despises every modern design decision Astrid makes. Is she going to pursue the life that she's expected to lead or the one that she really wants? 3. Iris Kelly doesn't date -> Everyone around Iris Kelly is in love and she’s happy for all of them, truly. Iris doesn’t want any of that—dating, love, romance. She’ll stick to her commitment-free hookups. There’s only one problem—Iris is a romance author facing an imminent deadline for her second book, and she’s completely out of ideas. Perfectly happy to ignore her problems as per usual, Iris goes to a bar and meets a sexy stranger, Stefania, and a night of dancing and making out turns into the worst one-night stand Iris has had in her life. To get her mind off everything, Iris tries out for the lead role in a local play, a queer retelling of Much Ado About Nothing, but comes face-to-face with Stefania, whose real name turns out to be Stevie. Desperate to save face in front of her friends, Stevie asks Iris to play along as her girlfriend. Iris is shocked, but when she realizes the arrangement might provide her with some much-needed romantic content for her book, she agrees. As the two women play the part of a happy couple, lines start to blur.

Falls from grace by Ruby Landers -> Savannah Grace and her band were huge stars in Nashville. Now enlists Noah Lyman - an indie musician - to help her break out of country music and make a name for herself for once and for all. They have to spend the winter in Savannah secluded vacation home in the woods of Vermont, and Noah brings along his best friend Brynn Marshall and pretend she’s his wife? After all, what could possibly go wrong?

The secret of you and me by Melissa Lenhardt -> Nora hasn’t looked back. Not since she fled Texas to start a new life. Now she can live—and love—however she wants. The only problem is that she also left behind the one woman she can’t forget. Now tragedy calls her back home to confront her past—and reconcile her future.

Books by Haley Cass: - Those Who Wait and the follow-up Forever and A Day -> Spencer Sutton, the daughter of a congressman, and Charlotte Thompson, New York City’s youngest deputy mayor, meet on SapphicSpark, a women-seeking-women dating app. Sutton isn’t built for casual, and Charlotte needs to keep a low profile as the race heats up. In spite of that, a friendship blossoms as Charlotte helps Sutton navigate the dating world. - Down to A Science -> Ellie Beckett is a scientific genius finishing a Ph.D. at MIT, sitting on her stool at her favorite bar, putting the final touches on her thesis - her life is predictable and comfortable enough, until the night Mia Sharpe walks in to play pool with some friends and things are never the same again. and On the same Page -> Riley Beckett met Gianna Mäkinen their first year at Boston University, and it changed everything for the both of them. She knows Gianna doesn't do romance or relationships, and she knows nothing could ever come between them. But when a holiday party mix-up sets in motion a domino effect of changes, Riley has to question everything she thought she knew about their relationship. What, exactly, does Gianna mean to her after all? - In the Long Run -> Taylor Vandenberg is busy running a successful travel blog. Brooke Watson and Taylor’s younger brother have been best friends for the majority of their lives. It means that even if Taylor isn’t physically present, she’s always been a part of Brooke’s most monumental life experiences. When Taylor lands back in Faircombe for an extended stay, it leads to more run-ins than Brooke would like. And more feelings than either may want to admit. - When You Least Expect It & Better Than Expected (I haven't had a chance to read them yet, but I have seen them recommended a lot)

If tomorrow doesn't come by Jen St. Jude -> On the morning Avery Byrne plans to end her life, the world discovers there are only nine days left to live: an asteroid is headed for Earth, and no one can stop it. As time runs out and secrets slowly come to light, Avery fights her way home to save the girl she has been in love with her whole life. But can Avery also learn to save herself and find hope again in the tomorrows she has left?

Kiss her once for me by Alison Cochrun -> Ellie had a Christmas Eve meet-cute with a woman at a bookstore that led her to fall in love over the course of a single night. The next year, Andrew, the shop’s landlord where Ellie works, proposes a shocking, drunken plan: a marriage of convenience that will benefit both of them. They make a plan to spend the holidays together at his family cabin to keep up the ruse. But when Andrew introduces his new fiancée to his sister, Ellie is shocked to discover is the mysterious woman she fell for over the year before.

6 times we almost kissed (and one time we did) by Tess Sharpe -> Penny and Tate keep almost kissing. It’s just this confusing thing that keeps happening. You know, from time to time. For basically their entire teenaged existence.  They’ve never talked about it. They’ve always ignored it in the aftermath. But now they’re living across the hall from each other. And some things—like their kisses—can’t be almosts forever. 

Nottingham: the true story of Robin Hood by Anna Burke -> (A retelling of Robin Hood's story with a Female Robin and wlw couples) After a fateful hunting accident sends her on the run from the law, Robyn finds herself deep in the heart of Sherwood Forest. All she really wants to do is provide for her family and stay out of trouble, but when the Sheriff of Nottingham levies the largest tax in the history of England, she’s forced to take matters into her own hands. Relying on the help of her band of merry women and the Sheriff’s intriguing—and off limits—daughter, Marian, Robyn must find a way to pull off the biggest heist Sherwood has ever seen.

Forget me not by Alyson Derrick -> Stevie has a terrible fall. And when she comes to, she can remember nothing of the last two years—not California, not coming to terms with her sexuality, not even her girlfriend Nora. Suddenly, Stevie finds herself in a life she doesn’t quite understand. And Nora finds herself…forgotten.

It goes like this by Miel Moreland -> Eva, Celeste, Gina, and Steph used to play in world-famous queer pop band called Moonlight Overthrow. But after a sudden falling out leads to the dissolution of the teens' band, their friendship, and Eva and Celeste's starry-eyed romance, nothing is the same. Until a storm devastates their hometown, bringing the four ex-best-friends back together. As they prepare for one last show, they'll discover whether growing up always means growing apart.

Dominion Series by J J Arias: 1. Losing Control  -> Talent agent Adriana Ortiz’s world is rocked when she’s thrust into the tumultuous orbit of Roxy, the raw, enigmatic pop rebel with a notorious edge and a guarded heart. Tasked with steering the wild Roxy on a whirlwind tour, Adriana boards Roxy’s opulent tour bus. The nights are filled with roaring crowds, but it’s the electric tension between Roxy and Adriana that sets the air on fire. A forbidden connection that threatens to consume them. Is the wild, unbridled Roxy worth the risk to Adriana’s career, or is she just another woman falling victim to Roxy’s charms? 2. Fighting for Control  -> Lola Barros is a rising talent agent burning with ambition. Carmen Vargas is a dedicated lawyer poised to conquer the legal field. Their shared high-rise is the only thing these two powerhouses have in common. After a trivial parking mishap snowballs onto a full-blown feud, Lola and Carmen are thrust into unconventional anger management sessions and their fiery rivalry gives way to smoldering desire. But yielding to desire isn't straightforward. Between the shadows of demanding careers and familial expectations, their love is tested. Can Lola and Carmen find a balance between ambition and affection? 3. Relinquishing Control  -> Natalia Flores rules her exclusive talent agency with an iron fist, brokering blockbuster deals while keeping everyone at arm’s length. But beneath the cold exterior lies a heart that yearns to be understood. Enter Professor Samantha Reyes—brilliant, fierce, and unwilling to let Natalia manipulate her way into the film rights to her book. Their encounters spark with tension and undeniable chemistry. In a world where control is everything, can two powerful women let go of their fears to find a love that’s worth the risk?

11:59 by Erica Lee -> TJ Edmonds has created a whole brand around not getting attached to other people. She has a best-selling novel and a popular phone app both dedicated to helping people stay detached from their significant others, so they don't get hurt. But the only reason she can move on so quickly now is because she still hasn't let go of someone from her past. It's easy to guard her heart when she no longer has it to give away. TJ texts Brooke everyday at 11:59 pm with no answers. What happens when, in a moment of weakness, this someone reaches out to TJ?

Price and Prejudice and the city by Rachel Lippincott -> Seventeen-year-old Audrey Cameron has lost her spark. After an embarrassing run-in with her ex-boyfriend, she’s told that she needs to get back out there and take risks. What she doesn't expect is to be transported to Regency England! Lucy Sinclair has her own problems when Audrey lands into her life, claiming to be from two hundred years in the future, it's a welcome distraction.

Never ever getting back together by Sophie Gonzales -> Maya and Skye are invited to star on the reality dating show Second-Chance Romance, to compete for their now famous ex-boyfriend's affections while the whole world watches. Skye wonders if she and Jordy can recapture the spark she knows they had, but Maya has other plans.

The art of us by KL Hughes -> Charlee and Alex fell in love at nineteen and dated for four years. Theirs was an enviable love — evergreen and growing. Unbreakable…Until it broke. Alex’s job now brings her back to Boston, after five years. When, by chance, they meet again, Charlee and Alex are swept up in a whirlwind of heart-rending history, tossed between past and present, and lovers old and new. Will their lingering connection be enough to convince them that some loves are meant to last? Or should the past remain in the past?

That secret something by Emily Wright -> Rebecca Lawson is off-limits. Jess knows this, but Rebecca has captured her heart for as long as she can remember. She’s sporty, tall and confident—all the things Jess is not—but most of all…she’s her best friend Lily’s sister. But when Jess and Rebecca are forced to spend time together the forbidden feelings intensify and sparks begin to fly. Amidst the chaos of raging bridezillas and other wedding disasters, can Jess resist temptation for the sake of her friendship?

The seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid  -> Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. Summoned to Evelyn's luxurious apartment, Monique listens in fascination as the actress tells her story. From making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the '80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way

That summer feeling by Bridget Morrissey -> Turns out you're never too old for a summer camp romance. Or a change of heart. When a divorced woman attends a sleepaway camp for adults only, she reconnects with a man from her past - only to catch feelings for his sister instead.

Some of these are my absolute favourites, I've lost count of how many times I've read them. I cannot get enough of "the bright falls series", "One the same page", "Those who wait", "The secret of you and me" and the last entry "Falls From Grace". No matter how many times I read them. And sometimes I wish I could read them again, as if for the first time, if that makes sense. Anyway, I have a lot more titles. Let me know if you want them or not. Enjoy the reading

[spookedem]

After weeks of sleepless research, I now present...

The Full Callum Crown Timeline! (for now)

In 1923 - Callums father, a marine died in china during the US's engagement with China. November 19, 1923 - Callum Crown Was Born in Dialtown, WI for most of the 30s - Callums early childhood was affected by living during the great depression, growing up in poverty to a single mother. He ran a repair shop in his garage for most of his childhood. Early 1940s - Callum Built his first prosthetics, and ended up getting his first phone however got rejected by DT's head enlister May 8, 1945 - The war ended. From 1948 to 1953 - Callum sold his prosthetics as a door to door salesman, and after following the market started producing phone heads to much success. Sometime in the 50s - Crown runs for mayor using his newfound popularity. Marla, a Journalist and his future wife helps portray Crown as flattering to the people of Dialtown ensuring his election; she would also get Callum to make typewriter heads for women common place. From 1953 to 1956 - Callum serves as mayor of Dialtown, where he met Milton at a political rally in Madison, they bond over wanting to combine the organic and inorganic. He also ended up changing the towns name and flag. (this last bit is kind of a guess) From 1956 to 1960 - Callum served a partial term as a Senator as a response to GOP isolationism at the time. During 1960 - Callum ran for president again Nixon, with Milton as his campaign manager/partner helping write his speeches. Callum gives Milton his original right hand prosthetic as a gift to his "Right hand man." From 1961 to 1965 - Callum served as the 35th president of the united states, with Milton became his vice president and his wife Marla becoming his Press Secretary. This replaced Kennedys term. In this time Callum made/changed many laws. In this time he also became more paranoid having his memory erase button installed and being generally more distant.

From 1964 to 1965 - Callum meets with Norm in the summer of '64 before he's sent into the worm hole. Callum and Milt had a final argument over the Dialup, demanded his hand back resulting in them cutting ties and Milt killing himself. Near the end of his term Marla was pregnant with their son and Callum was distant. From 1965 to January 1st 1967 - Callum became Honorary Leader of the UN, purposing a plan to bring worldwide peace, (with step one being the Dialup) but keeping his plans secret due to paranoia. Sometime in 1966 Callum visited Dialtown and sent Marla the postcard. Its also safe to assume his son was born at this point December 31st, 1966 - The worldwide Dialup happened converting EVERY living creatures head into some object. January 1st, 1967 - Callum wearing his original prosthetic gave his final speech, wiping his memory before saying his plan.

[octopiys]

I've been listening to Lord Huron recently

human!John MacTavish, who grew up in the Scottish Highlands, raised by his grandma who was highly superstitious.

human!Simon Riley, who, as a young teen, moved to the highlands with his mother, and younger brother, after his father was arrested.

Neighbor!John who meets his quiet neighbor down the street, and talks his ear off on the way to schools every single day, and doesn't question the fading bruises on his new friend's skin.

Neighbor!Simon, who doesn't find John annoying in the slightest, and enjoys listening to John's stories of his grandma's wild tales of how her younger brother was apparently "snatched by the fae", or the stories of the horses that live deep beneath the waters, and seeing the little cottage down the road and feeling comfort and safety reverberate through the trees that separated the two of them.

Friend!Johnny who goes home "sick" one day after a rather nasty.... altercation between two larger students and himself, but comes back the next day, and none of those students were messing with him anymore.

Friend!Simon who, after Johnny went home, found those two kids after school and beat them senseless, the only time he's ever felt that violence was a good solution to something.

Young Simon, who goes to check up on Johnny, and sees the boy smiling through a black eye, behind a large woman who appeared as if she was going to salt him, then beat him with a wooden ladle. Luckily, Johnny boy stopped her from doing that, and introduces him and he sees the woman's eyes soften the slightest bit.

Johnny, who's house is full of wards, and hanging herbs, and salt, and cinnamon, who's known nothing else, who's friends with bugs because they're easier to talk to, befriends Simon, who comes from the suburban cities, who prefers to listen rather than speak, in a neat home, and a dreadful silence that is anything but warm.

After school, they explore the woods, and Johnny tells him more tales, of how not to step in certain areas, or follow shaking leaves, and to leave mushrooms alone. Simon believes he's never felt more at ease in these woods.

They happen across a fallen deer, who was long gone for the world, it's antlers and pale skull glinting through the muck it was covered in.

It whispers wordless sounds through lipless mouths.

Johnny calls for him to keep on the trail, and Simon gets up to follow him off.

Give me late teens Johnny, who's yelling at Simon for not telling him sooner. Give me Simon who feels guilt in the pits of his stomach for not telling his best friend sooner. But enlisting was the only thing he could see him doing with his life. He could be used for good, he could do something good with himself.

Johnny tells him he was good enough for him.

Simon leaves the next morning.

Nature conservationist!Johnny, two years later, finds Simon's mom at his doorstep. By the look on her face, she had bad news.

Simon went missing in Mexico.

Nature conservationist!John, who, for another six months, has dinner at least once a week with Simon's mum. She was from a further part of Scotland, but they understood each other well enough, and bonded over different memories of her son. It seemed to keep them both afloat.

Simon who returns after seven months.

Nature conservation officer!Johnny, who is busy trying to figure out why the red deer population is dwindling in his area. Not to mention the fact that the investigations office is on his back about missing people, and Simon comes back.

Something is wrong.

John knows what shell shock looks like. He knows what the horrors of war do to people.

This is not shell shock. This is not that.

Simon came back, but he came back wrong.

His honey eyes were muddy, and he blinked too hard. His head turned too smoothly when he responded to his name too late, like he was getting used to being called something new. The curve of his lips was off, his jaw too sharp. His kind eyes are.... the favorite part of Johnny's Simon is different.

It was unsettling. His skin prickled when he watched, the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rising when Simon entered the room too silently.

Changeling!Ghost, who does not enter Johnny's house. Johnny doesn't know why he refuses the offer. He feels like he's being watched. He misses his friend. Obviously, his friend lives down the street, rationally, he knows that person is Simon Riley, the kid who beat up bullies, who fell fifteen feet out of a tree and got up unscathed. Simon Riley, who was afraid of scorpions and worms, who went to war and survived, and came home.

His instincts told him the opposite.

Johnny feels like he's being watched at night. He thinks he can catch whatever it is, lurking at the treeline of the woods. He sets harmless traps to catch and release, believing the creature is small.

When he finds the cage completely trampled, crumbled until it was no longer recognizable, he no longer believed this thing was small.

Nature Conservationist Officer!Johnny MacTavish who sees the creature looming from the trees, it's tall antlers tangled in muck and weeds, body slightly warped in the darkness, claws and all. It was tall, much taller than him, with scarred skin stained with the dyes of berries and dirt and clay. Moss grew off of the massive deer antlers, and the greenish eyeshine of a deer blinking from almost human eyes.

Honey colored and kind, and completely unrecognizing.

Johnny drops his flashlight in shock, the lens shattering, scaring the creature off.

Turned fae!Simon, who had no memories other than blood and war and pain, only wanted to figure out where the feeling of familiarity came from, in a world so unknown, and loud, cruel.

(this is inspired by Meet Me In The Woods by Lord Huron)

Ask box is open!

Find part 2 here

[not-goldy]

Shout out to young JM who wanted Jk so bad it had him looking like a stage 3 clinger & shout out to Jk who has done everything in his power to keep that beautiful man once he had him & now a stage 6 clinger. Congrats. I keep thinking about when they were in NY the Megan BTB & how all those bags are sitting there & Jk instinctively grabs 2 and you see JM realizing Jk has his & doesn't have to get one, when the other members are holding theirs. SNIFFS. Its Jj carrying JM's bags & his shoes when they come off his feet. Rubbing his shoulders at any given point, cause one he wants to touch JM, but also knows JM is in pain all the time. Its him cooking the biggest pancake for JM & telling JM of course, you know I'll do it, when JM asked him to cook for him. Or only buying birthday presents for JM. Its him telling JM in front of the world, I'm your fan & hyping everything he does. Its him wanting to cut something cause he doesn't want JM's hand to get hurt or when Vmin were playing with a yoyo, it was JM who was given a lecture on Safety by Jk, about his fingers hurting & this is how accidents happen. Not a word when Tae was playing with it, but the minute JM gets it, his anxiety & boyfriending kicked in, just like when Tae was gonna flip his food & Jk said don't fling it at JM. Jk Coming after Suga with a Frying pan. Bulldozing RM out the way messing with JM. Physically moving Suga away from JM. Bulldozing past Tae to stand directly in front of JM & stare directly at him, when he was thanking Army for an award. Damn, he's just giving a TY speech, not accepting a nobel peace prize, Calm down. The way he guides JM walking up the steps or lets him walk ahead of him. The way he could hear the nervousness in JM's tone & he turns & nods and stares JM down giving his UN speech. Just reassuring JM with his little head nod, I'm here, beside you, you got this & if you notice it was when Jk turned to him when JM let out that deep breath/shudder & said sorry & had to shake it off. Just seeing JK's reassurance almost caused him to loose it. The way the others teased JM over it & Jk jumped to his defense, ready to take on all his Hyungs, but it was him in the end, who couldn't remember when he took a picture with Tae & said it was the day JM said sorry, it was all that stuck in his head. Every little detail he remembers. Even Jimin's grandma's birthday. There within 1 minute when JM called him on his bday live, dropping everyone. Even When he's missing JM he takes it public in front of millions and shows where his heart lies. Who owns his heart. Who he loves & doesn't care if he looks like a fool, as long as people know he's a fool in love. Look at how he chose the buddy system with JM, when he knew he had options & he & JM are complete opposites when it comes to thrill seeking. And how he has made himself look even more sus & clingy, by even saying anything about other branches (BTW his wants are valid and its very much okay if he wanted to do other things) but he still didn't go through with it & instead went through a timely process and enlisted with JM instead. Didn't even enlist on your own that would give you independence and thrills and instead followed JM with the buddy system to hell.

The things we do for love. And If he hasn't told JM yet that he is in love with him, which I am sure he has and or JM at least feels it, but if he hasn't, I hope he gets the courage too one day, cause doing all this, plus following someone to depths of hell, is an awful lot of loving on one person, for it to be for nothing. To do all this for someone, then go home empty handed. What a hell you have to live in that you created for yourself. FYI, I think JM is just as in love with Jk and he appreciates everything, because Letter says it & that he plans to give it all back, what he's received, and I know JM is a man of his word. In fact, I'd say Jk is pretty damn satisfied & gets it back, cause he's still there, standing next to JM, just like he promised. I've never rooted so hard in my life for two people, but these two, I hope it all works out for them and Whatever kind of love it is that they have for one another. I hope it lasts forever.

Damn the onions got my eyes😭😭😭😭🤧

[gunsandspaceships]

Recruiting Peter in Civil War: a War Crime?

Today we are going to review this statement:

Tony “blackmailed a teenager to help fight his battles for him (Civil War) (which for the record, constitutes as a fucking war crime)”.

Part 1. Not a war crime: check my post about war crimes here. War crime is a crime committed during a war, by a party of the conflict.

MCU's “Civil War” was not a war. It was a conflict between a few people, that included one fight and a chase. The fight at the end of the movie between Tony and Steve with Bucky was not a part of this particular conflict, but a conflict on its own. From the government’s side, this situation was a law enforcement operation to capture a group of fugitives, where Tony’s side represented the law enforcement group under U.N. authority, not a nation’s armed forces.

The definition of Armed Forces: “the combined military, naval, and air forces of a nation”.

Source

In comics (Earth 616) it was indeed a war, but not in the MCU. That’s first.

Second, “Under the Statute of the International Criminal Court, conscripting or enlisting children into armed forces or groups constitutes a war crime in both international and non-international armed conflicts (ICC Statute, Article 8(2)(b)(xxvi) and (e)(vii)).”

Tony did not enlist Peter in the armed forces or the Avengers.

And third, “The bans on recruitment of children below the age of 15 enshrined in Article 77 of  Additional Protocol I, and in Article 4 of Additional Protocol II are also considered to prohibit accepting voluntary enlistment (P I, Art. 77 (2); P II, Art. 4(3)(c)).”

“2. The Parties to the conflict shall take all feasible measures in order that children who have not attained the age of fifteen years do not take a direct part in hostilities and, in particular, they shall refrain from recruiting them into their armed forces. In recruiting among those persons who have attained the age of fifteen years but who have not attained the age of eighteen years, the Parties to the conflict shall endeavour to give priority to those who are oldest.” (Protocol Additional to the Geneva Conventions of 12 August 1949, Art. 77 (2)).

Here we got to an actual error from the SMFFH filmmakers’ side. Before SMFFH Peter’s age at the time of Civil War was planned to be 15 (see directors’ and screenwriters’ commentaries). In SMFFH Peter’s birthday was set to Aug 10, 2001, making him 14 years old at the time of Civil War. We cannot use random date placements made by SMFFH creators to define serious stuff, and also use another movie’s filmmakers’ decisions that were made after Civil War. So we must go with the fact that at the time of Civil War Peter was 15 years old, as was stated by the creators of CA:CW.

Conclusion: Peter was 15 years old, and if he were recruited to participate in a war, it would not be a war crime. But, he also was not enlisted in the armed forces. And Civil War was not an actual war, but a law enforcement operation under UN jurisdiction. So, yes, Tony is not a war criminal. Again. Very disappointing.

If you guys have any other ideas of how to accuse him of war crimes – go ahead. I’ll check them all.

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

An Analysis of SPY × Family Chapter 99

Manga spoilers, and a very long post ahead!

I'd like to preface this with saying that all of this is my own analysis, and I'm not very smart at these things, so take this with a grain of salt!

This chapter was extremely heavy: with Henry realising his feelings for Martha, and how it echoed the main theme of this story: how war destroys relationships and how innocent civilians are forced to enlist out of fear for their families' safety.

The chapter starts off, continuing off the cliffhanger of the last chapter— it turns out to be a false alarm, but Martha leaves her feelings for Henry unsaid.

She begins writing letters to Henry, and they keep a regular correspondence to substitute for their tea parties--

The war continues to grow dire, and Martha's squad hasn't been given any combat training, yet, they're forced to go to the front lines, under the pretext of "serving your country" and "keeping your family safe".

Henry is obviously shocked and scared for Martha when he finds out she's on the front lines, but we never get to hear his thoughts with the introduction of this fucking bitch-

🤓☝️ lookin ass--

In this chapter, we get to see Donovan's own ideals, which are shown through his argument in the debate. Interestingly, Donovan is almost the same age as Demetrius is in the present-day. (At least, that's what I'm assuming-- Henry mentions being in charge of the middle schoolers, and Demetrius is a middle-schooler.)

He claims,

I have a couple of thoughts about this. First,

"I know that solving differences with dialogue and weapons is ideal". The phrasing of this is interesting, because it kind of sounds like he doesn't believe in that-- he just knows that solving differences with diplomacy instead of war is 'ideal', but does he really believe in that? I don't think he does-- and, his own definition of 'peace' is definitely... ambiguous. What does he think 'peace' is? Subjugating other countries with his own power?

He already has a strange concept of humanity and other humans' own ideals-- he believes that, at our core natures, human beings are liars. That the only thing we're capable of is war and destruction.

This is also very similar to his own ideals that we see in modern-day. He doesn't care about either of his sons, as he says, they are essentially strangers to him. And, you might have raised them (though with Donovan, "raised" is a stretch), you might be their own father, according to him, he will never truly know his sons. Which is why he doesn't even attempt to understand them. His own ignorance for human nature and for others around him is really what makes him a failure of a father-- we are never truly born "knowing" others. Yet, every day, we make an attempt to learn the people we care about-- and isn't that a little of what love is? Take the Forgers-- they are three strangers to each other, each concealing their own natures from the others. They're all liars, and yet, they're making an effort to heal; they're learning to love and they're learning to learn about the people around them, the people they care about.

This is his flawed ideology. In his world, humans are strangers-- humans are nothing to each other, they're always hiding their true intentions from each other. Humans can't be trusted-- humans don't trust each other, which is why war and destruction and pain is all humanity is capable of.

But it's really not. SxF's message is of how three strangers--- three orphans of a war they were forced to partake in--- come together and form a home. Yes, they are liars, yes, they're hiding their true intentions, but they're making a home for themselves, a home where one can be safe, where a young girl, who's experienced horrors no child should, can feel safe and in her mother's arms.

Which is why I think Donovan's ideology is so flawed--- and how beats of it echo in the modern-day SxF story, especially when Twilight meets him.

Yes, by mere dialogue, reaching a mutual understanding is idealistic, but the most important thing is to not stop seeking to understand each other.

Humans are flawed, humans are selfish, humans are kind--- there's a debate on whether, intrinsically, humans are good or bad. We're all given different cards to play with, but really, it's up to us to decide on our faith in humanity.

It seems like Donovan has a wholly negative view on humans--- we can never know each other's true intentions, and it's with this doubt that humans wage wars--- it's with this doubt that humans lie and kill and cause destruction.

It's because of this doubt that Desmond is planning a war himself.

Martha writes Henry a letter, and she talks about a dream where all the students are holding hands, circling Henry. She can't join them because her hands are filthy--- maybe it's guilt? Maybe she's feeling guilty, maybe she feels like she can't join the others because her hands are stained with blood.

She's scared. She's regretting joining the front lines. Her only solace is the letters from him. The only way he knows she's alive is the letters from her.

I feel like another story would have taken a turn, making Henry regret his own feelings for Martha because the war had torn them apart. Instead, Henry realises his own feelings and his own wants too late-- and it becomes the last letter he gets from her.

It feels like an extra gut punch, as in the beginning Martha was embarrassed to call him "beloved", but now, he's calling her beloved, and he misses her so much. He cares for her so much, and doesn't know how she is.

All he can think is---

His hands are stained with ink. The nib of his pen is almost breaking. Ink is bleeding onto the page. In Martha's dream, her hands are stained with blood due to her desire to protect Henry and her country. In Henry's reality, his hands are stained with ink due to his desire for Martha to come back, be with him again. The Soldier and the Scholar, each trapped in their own Hell.

Henry finds out that Martha's squad has been killed. Their lives were a "sacrifice" for their country. This is blatant propaganda, and, he feels they're sullying her memory by mythologizing her; by using her life, using her death as a way to snare more students into a violent and hopeless and painful battle.

He speaks out. He's punished.

He's been brutalised so much, that he needs to wear a monocle.

We learn more about Donovan's and Henry's own ideals. Donovan gives up on people who've disappointed him-- people who he deems as fools. Henry doesn't believe in that. He believes that everybody deserves to not be given up on--- every body deserves a person in their own corner.

Towards the end of the chapter, Henry's forced into a marriage by his father, believing it's "for the best", because the soldier he was waiting for never came back to him.

We cut to "Somewhere near the East-West border", to a home with a fireplace. Martha is just opening her eyes, and is severely injured.

This definitely isn't a safehouse or military barracks or a military hospital.

A home with a family, or at least a person, with a fireplace and a chopping block for firewood.

This place is also near the sea,

which makes me think it's somewhere near the south. (If I'm remembering the map correctly).

Edit: The map is faithful to irl Germany, which means the sea is to the north, not the south. Sorry for the discrepancy before!

I'm thinking someone rescued Martha while she was injured, and brought her to their place to rest and recuperate--- which is why she's presumed dead, and why Henry wasn't ever given closure.

The next chapter is no doubt going to be explosive--- the 100th chapter. I feel like this arc will segue into something bigger, something more heart-wrenching and painful (I don't know how that's possible, but I trust Endo-sensei.)

---

Thank you for making this far and reading this whole thing! I hope you enjoyed, and I hope I wasn't annoying with my hatred for Donovan lol.

Also, on a more light-hearted note, I explained the plot of SxF to my dad, and he's intrigued and wants to read the manga. I'm planning on showing him the first ep of the anime, to see if he likes it. I feel like he will.

[baldurs-simp]

Un-Holy (Astarion x Aasimar!Reader)

Summary: Your heritage comes out in the midst of a battle, leaving you to confess your past to Astarion, whom you have developed a strong relationship with.

Warnings: strong language, mild spoilers, aasimar!reader, fluff, written at the spur of the moment while slightly tired, a bunch of rambling in the beginning but shit goes down later on

MY MASTERLIST

You have gone years without a fight until you woke up on the Mind Flayer ship with a tadpole behind your eye. Now, you cannot go a day without fighting for your survival after the ship crashed somewhere near Baldur’s Gate. You are not alone in the fight, however, having met some companions along the way who all share the same affliction you do; the threat of becoming a Mind Flayer.

The first you met was a Gith, Lae’zel, on the ship before it fell, then a Cleric of Shar, Shadowheart. The two don’t see eye to eye, but they keep the peace well enough to not cause a fight within the camp at night. Then you meet the rogue, Astarion, whom you later find out is a vampire after he tried to drink your blood in your sleep. How he’s able to walk in the sun without burning to a crisp is a mystery to everyone, but you think you could be because of the tadpole lurking around in his head. Or perhaps it is the work of the Guardian that visits you in your dreams.

Then you met the wizard from Waterdeep stuck in his portal, Gale. He has his issues. An orb sits in his chest, waiting to explode if it is not sated with magical-infused objects. You normally allow him to consume items that would otherwise be of no use to you. Items that grant you spells that you can already cast. Items useless to you, but not to Gale. 

Wyll you had met after defeating a group of goblins that tried to enter the Emerald grove. Meeting him spurred your quest to help the Tieflings being kicked out by the druids. You plan on clearing the way for them, getting rid of goblins that might attack them west of the Blighted Village. Wyll had his quest to hunt down a devil, whom you found, Karlach. 

Karlach is nothing like what Wyll had described and they finally came to a consensus to not kill each other. The tiefling that fought in the Blood Wars was only enlisted against her will. And she now joins your party in search of a cure for the Mind Flayer tadpoles.

You feel as if you know everyone in your party, and know somewhat about their past from what they shared with you after bunking down for nights while on the road. Yet, they don’t know a thing about your past. They don’t know who you truly are, or what you really are. But sometimes you think it’s for the better.

Battling the Hobgoblin leader, Dror Ragzlin proves to be a difficult fight. With the majority of your companions looking rough and the fight still raging on, you can’t help the necrotic energy bubbling up inside of you. You have to let it out. 

Planting your feet firmly into the ground beneath you, you let out a fierce cry as ghostly skeletal wings sprout out from your back. A necrotic shroud falls over you, turning foes close to you around in fear. Your eyes turn into black pools as your gaze falls on Ragzlin, letting him know that he is your target. 

The fight is quickly won after that and you drop your celestial facade, helping up Gale and healing him of his wounds. “Well, I didn’t know we had an Aasimar in our party,” Shadowheart mentions, causing you to turn your head towards her and see that everyone else stands behind her, staring at you in awe and curiosity. 

“Let’s just find Halsin and get out of here,” you quickly say, walking past them without so much as making eye contact with them. 

“Woah, woah, we’re not gonna talk about how fucking cool that was?” Karlach mentions as the party follows you, stepping over goblin corpses as you briskly walk toward the exit. 

“There’s nothing to talk about so let’s not mention it. This is just something I can do just as you can go into a rage,” you say over your shoulder, pushing the heavy oak door open, shoving the piercing gazes you feel on your back from your companions. You sigh, knowing that they will pester you if you don’t tell them what they want to hear. “Look, it's a long story, okay. I come from a celestial background. It’s no different than Lae’zel coming from a Githyanki background. We all come from somewhere and none of us has pestered anyone about it, so why should it be different with me?” you question, turning around to face them. So, can we please leave it at that, find the druid, and get out of this place?”

From the tone of your voice, they can tell that your heritage is a sensitive topic. And they know you’re right. Everyone has their past and they are free to disclose as much as they want. It prevents tension from rising in camp. So, they suck it up, leaving your story to their imagination. Until you’re comfortable telling them.

Astarion, on the other hand, is not one to let things go. He thinks that he deserves to hear your story after he told you what happened to him and how he became a vampire spawn. Not to mention that you and him have become somewhat close. After all, you do allow him to feed off of you at night when he needs to. That creates quite a bond if he must say so himself. 

As night draws near, everyone tends to themself to rest after a long day of slaying foes in the desecrated temple of Selune. You keep to yourself, not wanting to be involved in conversation as you fear that someone will bring up what happened to you in the fight. It’s a conversation you don’t wish to have. 

You sit by the edge of the lake, looking up at the stars, lost in thought and memory. You don’t even hear the footsteps approaching you from behind as you stare at the twinkling lights illuminating the sky. 

“There you are,” Astarion’s voice calls, pulling you out of your thoughts and back down to earth as he sits beside you on the ground. “I had thought that perhaps you had flown off.”

It was meant to be a joke and you know that. But it does not make you laugh or smile. Instead, you sigh heavily and glance down at your feet. “If only. Unfortunately, my wings are incapable of flight,” you state, looking back up at the water lapping at the shore. “They never used to be, you know. Gods, I used to be so fast, flying between clouds like a blur. Now, I can remember what it’s like,” you say, smiling to yourself as you recall a memory of being in the sky. 

Astarion has his eyes fixed on your face, taking in your smile, something that rarely comes across your face since he’s met you. “What happened?” he asks, tentatively and in a whisper. 

“I fell in love with someone I wasn’t supposed to,” you say, shaking your head in shame. “I fell in love with a devil. He was charming and cunning and I was cast out from my people because of it only to find out that he was toying with me because he wanted to see me stripped of my radiant power. He wanted to see me fall,” you explain, turning to meet Astarion’s gaze finally. “There is no pride in being a Fallen. Only shame.”

He understands now. If anyone, he knows all about shame and it explains more than you know to him why you never told anyone what you are. He wants to reach out and touch you, lay a hand on your wrist as a way to tell you that you are not alone in this. But he doesn’t know if you will allow him to touch you. He knows that if the roles were switched and he told you in extensive detail what Cazador had done to him, he might not know what to do with a friendly touch. 

“I wandered around on my own, living off the land, too ashamed to show my face to others, fearing that they would know what I had done and how far I had fallen from grace,” you say, looking back out to the lake. “I was on my own for so long, until I was taken by those Mind Flayers. It seems fitting now, being a Fallen Aasimar with a tadpole behind my eye.”

“You are not alone in this, you know,” he simply says, leaning slightly forward so that he can hold your gaze. “No matter how far you have fallen from grace, you are not alone, little angel.”

You chuckle at his words, your shoulders relaxing as you shift in your seated position. “I’m glad to have met you, Astarion. I only wish that we had met sooner,” you say, smiling sweetly at him as you cross your legs under you. “Perhaps things would have been better.”

Astarion laughs, throwing his head back slightly as he follows your gaze out to the water. “I do not think you would have liked me all that much. I would most likely have led you like a lamb to the slaughter for Cazador to feast on. And he would have reveled in the taste of your blood,” he says, a low growl in his voice at the mention of your blood. 

You two had talked about what the others might taste like to him, talking - theoretically - how different people’s blood would taste like. You’re sure that yours must taste different than those he had bitten in battle for a bit of extra strength. 

“And I would have tried to kill you if you did,” you tease him, looking at him, your eyes meeting his and you two stare into each other’s eyes. 

“May I see them?” he asks, his eyes shifting to your back.

You know he means to see your wings, even in their dismal state. You feel comfortable showing them to him just as he had felt comfortable telling you that he is a vampire. Giving a small nod, you close your eyes to focus on conjuring your spectral wings, revealing their skeletal form with minimal feathers covering parts of them, some looking as though they are ready to fall off. 

His mouth falls slightly open as he stares at them, shifting himself on the sand of the shore so that he can kneel behind you. You can almost feel his breath on your next as he shifts closer, his fingers reaching out to touch the exposed bone. 

A breath catches in your throat, your head perking up as a shiver runs through your spine, making your wings slightly perk up. Your heart skips a beat, something you’re sure Astarion can hear, and you turn your head slightly over your shoulder to look at him.

You don’t have the heart to tell him that his actions are considered something intimate between your people. Taking another’s wings is something only lovers do. You’ve never had anyone touch them, even when they are in their original, glorious form.

You close your eyes at the sensation, taking in it because you are not sure when you will experience it again. When you feel Astarion moving away, you look at him again and smile. “Thank you. For letting me myself around you,” you whisper, standing up off the ground and dusting off the sand from your hands and legs. 

“No. I think I should be the one thanking you for trusting me,” he speaks, standing up with you as he gazes at your features illuminated in the moonlight. Gods, he wishes he could see you in your full glory. He knows you’re still holding back what you could be. Still, he thinks it could be absolutely glorious to see you as the angel you truly are.

You bid him good night and walk to return to your tent. As you leave him, he casts his eyes to the ground to spot a black feather that has fallen from your wings. He bends down to pick it up, twirling it in his finger as she smiles to himself. 

He’s going to keep this feather so he remembers this moment forever. 

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Let me know if you would like more of this!

[magz]

Palestine Summary: March 13 to March 15, 2024. From "Let's Talk Palestine". Quote:

March 13. Day 159

🇬🇧 In an unprecedented move for a Western state, UK granted asylum to Palestinian w/ Israeli citizenship, overturning their 2022 rejection. His request was largely based on risk of persecution under Israel’s “apartheid” regime. This is first official Western recognition Palestinian reality under Israeli apartheid, even if the UK didn’t explicitly label it apartheid. More on abuse of Palestinians w/ Israeli citizenship: https://tinyurl.com/292zvw7p

🇿🇦 South Africa announces that citizens enlisted in Israeli forces will be arrested upon returning + possibility of stripping citizenship from dual South African-Israeli citizens

• 13-year-old Rami Halhouli shot & killed by Israeli forces in Jerusalem (West Bank) while playing w/ fireworks; Israel National Security Minister Ben-Gvir praised this as “exceptional work”

🇺🇳 Israel bombs UNRWA aid distribution center in “safe zone” Rafah, 5+ killed incl. 1 UN staff

• 88 Palestinians killed, 135 injured in Gaza in past 24 hours

March 14.

Day 160

🚨 Another horrifying massacre of aid seekers in Gaza City as Israeli forces opened fire and killed 21+ Palestinians, injured 155+, death toll expected to rise. Israel’s blockade is obstructing entry & distribution of aid, purposefully starving Palestinians while they repeatedly massacre them as they seek the little aid allowed in

🇺🇸 US sanctions 3 more Israeli settlers + 2 outposts (settlements illegal under Israeli law) in West Bank; first US sanction of entire settlement over just individuals

• Israel witholds body of 13-year-old Palestinian killed by IOF to deter mourning gatherings & curtail attention to the killing of Palestinians; witholding remains of 65 Palestinians killed in West Bank since Oct 7

🇦🇺 Australia revoked visitor visas issued to Palestinians fleeing Gaza while enroute — saying they didn’t intend a “temporary” visit. Australia advising they apply for this visa, issuing the same visa’s to fleeing Ukranians without the expectation they were tourists

March 15, message.

🚨 Last night, Israel massacred Palestinians in Gaza City as they gathered waiting for aid trucks, killing over 40 people and injuring at least 160 more. Israeli forces fired live ammunition at the crowd from helicopters and tanks, leaving many to bleed out on the street.

This marks the 7th attack on aid seekers during this genocide, highlighting a pattern amidst the constant bombardment and targeted killings across Gaza.

Since January, Israel’s obstruction of the entry and distribution of aid has created a dire situation for Palestinians as dozens have since been recorded killed by starvation and dehydration. Many more remain in critical condition in barely functioning hospitals under Israel’s total siege and bombardment. Starving Palestinians is a key target of this genocidal campaign to try and force Gaza to submit to occupation.

We need to escalate our pressure.

[fantastic-nonsense]

DC should give the Wonder Woman title to me instead of Tom King. I have whole arcs about Diana as a diplomat, politician, and teacher that I could write. DC PLEASE LET ME FIX HER JOB, DO AMAZONIAN WORLDBUILDING, AND BRING BACK HER CIVILIAN SUPPORTING CAST AGAIN!

Diana busts up an artifact smuggling ring and then has to deal with the international repatriation of ancient artifacts to their home countries. Bring back Helena Sandsmark and use Cassie in a supporting role.

Some major international incident occurs and Diana is running herself ragged trying to deal with it from multiple ends. She eventually has to choose between fulfilling her duty as Wonder Woman and dealing with the realities of being Themiscyra's official diplomatic presence at the UN.

Diana and Artemis have to work together to save some human trafficking victims and I get to write an exploration on the Themiscyran Amazons' isolationism vs. the Banas' interventionalism as methods of protection, self-defense, and dealing with collective trauma.

While setting up a cultural exchange project between the different Amazon tribes, Diana is appointed as the neutral representative to oversee an all-Amazonian Olympics/games festival. Shenanigans ensue as the goddesses start picking favorites and the games get gatecrashed by a mythological threat (aka "what Trial of the Amazons should have been about")

Diana, Artemis, and Donna decide to take Cassie and Yara on a traditional Amazonian coming-of-age journey. The story acts as a way to explore important touchstones of Amazon culture and the differing cultural and societal expectations they might face as adult women, both in their respective Amazonian tribes and in Man's World.

Nubia enlists Diana to go with her through Doom's Doorway to help retrieve some Amazons who were sucked in by a mythological threat while on guard duty. If they're still alive, they will be brought back to Themiscyra in celebration. If not, their bodies need to be retrieved for funerary rites and the women's re-entrance into the Well of Souls.

Exploring Donna as a linchpin connection point between the human world, all of the Amazon tribes, and the gods.

And so many others, because these are all largely Man's World and worldbuilding stories. Digging into her actual rogues gallery (Circe! Ares! Silver Swan! Doctor Poison!) and setting up bigger conflicts would be so much fun.

[binomech]

this is another long meta post about kim kitsuragi. mostly.

i just talk about shared themes with scott summers (x-men) + matt murdock (daredevil) because 1) i like those characters 2) i really do think they're a good parallel lens -- feel free to engage, or not. i realize the overlapping audience for these three dudes is 0 people as far as i'm aware

i find myself once again haunted by the recurring Themes of the characters that i like and i worry that in my search for intertextual relations i might accidentally tropeify and corner these beloved blorbos into a collection of traits separate from their circumstance and medium. which would be very un-historical-materialist of me. but this is a fandom post, so here's a disclaimer about it.

things that i could have made into a shitty venn diagram graphic but didn't:

they're all repressed assholes

whose repression is so big they're only capable of getting into relationships with people that are mildly to severely psychic

eye-related trauma

their childhood was taken from them

their personal and societal value comes from the ability to enact violence

their moral code is held together with duct tape

scott + kim

here's a quote from uncanny x-men (2013) that haunts me

[WHAT WAS THE REVOLUTION SCOTT?] OUR LAST CHANCE. OKAY? We have nothing left but threats! We fought for them and they hate us! We fought alongside them and they kill our children in the streets! We pack up and move to an island and they destroy it! We move to another island and the fucking avengers storm the fucking beaches. We’re supposed to be the next step in human evolution yet we’ve become an endangered species. We’re everything they are not and we’re a shadow of our former selves. All we have left is threats. The threat of revolution. The threat of a fight we hope they dont want. So, yes, I got in front of any camera that would show my face and I looked their world in the eye and told them – they better leave us alone. I stood on the bridge of the helicarrier and I threatened them. because nothing. else. has. worked.

thinking about the RCM in le retour as a sort of liberal intermediary between revachol and the coalition being sort of like the x-men mediating between humanity and the mutant brotherhood, and generally how both kim and scott are Finally fucking ready to admit that maybe their own contributions defanged the negotiation. by cooperating with the liberal mediator they took all the leverage the revolutionaries had to liberate all of the mutants/revachol.

i have mentioned before that i think kim's itchy trigger finger is an overcompensation: "if i work hard enough my eyesight won't make me a target. if i have a lethal weapon i can hit back" -- and he's in a permanent state of alert about everything and everyone because he has painted a target on his back (through his enlistment) only to be able to say I Told You So. and then scott being left behind because of his disability denying him control over his own destructive power. both xavier and the RCM recruit with the promise of control and the upper hand and scott and kim, respectively, destroy their sense of self over and over for The Cause because the cause is synonymous with personal worth and safety from their own failings.

user @askaniritual has expressed an idea that i find relevant as well very eloquently:

i think the ppl [Scott] attracts to him tend to be people who like. believe themselves to be monsters and see how hard scott is trying and how much he cares about doing the right thing. and tend to pin all their hopes for salvation onto him. like i think jean and emma and logan all believe that if they follow scott, and if they help him achieve his goals then they'll achieve some sort of partial redemption by association. (...)

kim and scott being isolated from the world, yes, but also from their own desires in their sublimation of their selfhood for the x-men/the RCM = only a mind reader can see my true self = the only self i have is what is reflected to me by the mind reader = the reflection is dehumanizing and it fits poorly into my sense of self = oh god i'm hollow there is no real me

and of course, the obvious reading of Harry as someone who in many ways believes Kim to be a beacon of justice and kindness and in that way dehumanizes him and feeds into the 'my self is an empty hall of mirrors.' but also, I think, different because Harry can come to understand Kim as someone flawed who's trying to do good, breaking the illusion of saintly behavior and pushing through the friction. Maddy is a flawed parallel to Jean, and Harry is a flawed paralel to Ambrosius Saint-Miro: it's their flawed humanity and not the psychic quality that allows for genuine connection.

matthew + kim

[note for the hypothetical daredevil fan reading this: i do not think catholicism is a core of matt's moral code, much like i don't think moralism is at the core of kim's adult morality. i think both of them spent enough under spaces that valued it to realize its limitations which is precisely why they turn to violence-as-a-means and view it like some kind of slightly cringe-but-fond memory. i think the important remainder of its influence lies in their incapacity to reconcile their mistakes with their capacity to do good -- when i say they think of themselves as just, i don't think they believe themselves to be just. i think they are in a sunk cost hellscape where they can't tell themselves anything else unless they want to have an existential crisis.]

the violence of dogma and the alienation from your body due to disability and, in kim's case, race sits at the core of this parallel.

i don't think moralism and christianity have a clear-cut parallel but i think the beliefs that guide them as they do most religions of unity, redemption, collective identity and moral guidelines are blatant traumas for these two.

when matt gets interested in law depends on the timeline just like his sight loss but my timeline of choice is sight loss - law interest - dad death. like sure, yes, you're raised casually catholic and everyone tells you about god's mercy and all-encompassing justice beyond human action and then you get blinded by essentially an OSHA violation.

i don't think that warrants enough of a faith crisis especially when you're like, 12, but certainly it makes you think a little bit about cosmic justice and why me and we could do things better by the book because by the book is the bible and the bible says the world is just and magnanimous thanks to god. and also workplace safety sounds like an extremely good idea right now. so you sink yourself into law as a moral arbiter.

and you start noticing like, hey, uh, my dad is doing some shady business huh -- and you're a 12 year old boy so you go: dad this whole mob bribe thing this whole... selling your body as a weapon. sounds a lot like harlotry to me. and your dad is like. this is the only reason we have enough to eat, ever think about that?

and then he gets killed because he didn't want to be a disappointment to you, because he was also catholic and he did not want to feel guilty for selling his body to survive.

and you're taken into a catholic orphanage so you're mulling this shit over until college. was dad's death divine punishment? is god kind? does god exist? if he doesn't then my dad's death was senseless. if he does my dad's death was cruel. is the universe just? can i make the universe just?

i'm going to gloss over all the Mentor plotlines because they are different depending on the universe and largely irrelevant except for the way they all have the 'give matt moral OCD' common denominator.

now imagine kim kitsuragi in a potentially-dolorian definitely-coalition approved orphanage thinking: were my parents really terrorists? why does the theory of communism and the reality of the war clash? will it happen to me? will it happen to people i love? can i change this? am i part of something good?

so matt goes and studies law and starts a bureau because he has faith in doing things by the book, until the book fails him, and then he decides he has to do right by his values, so he turns to vigilantism and violence in the name of the law. / so kim goes and enlists in the rcm and climbs through the ranks because he has faith in the collective, in being a piece of the sky that approaches justice with a slow step until the collective shows him again, and again, that it's counterproductive and then he turns to vigilantism and violence in the name of the law.

and both matt and kim are in a perpetual crisis of faith, and they know. matt goes to confession booths and sardonically tells priests about him beating people to death. kim smokes a cigarette and tells you about stealing hubcaps and the electric chair and the dire consequences of handing a fine with a smile on his face saying he doesn't think he's a moralist anymore.

but after matt gets out of the church, he is at ease, he does it again because if he doesn't, how can the world go on. but after, kim will tell you he believes in the RCM because he has to believe that he can do something, anything, or the world falls apart.

matt murdock isn't matt murdock, he is daredevil, he is justice. / kim kitsuragi isn't kim kitsuragi, he is a lieutenant of the rcm, he is justice.

if you're not matt/kim, you can't get it wrong when you do your best. god is wise. the coalition is wise. and if they aren't, you are. because if no one knows what to do then the world falls apart.

so what if you're blind and/or seolite? you can beat people up. you can shoot them. you can ruin their lives in two seconds. it's not personal, and they can't make it personal. you didn't do it because you're human or because of your trauma, you did it because you're justice incarnate.

you know what's good and what's more, you can make things good again, if you do it by the book. if their book is wrong, tweak it. if your mistakes haunt your dreams, make better ones.

[missmungoe]

“Makino?” Buggy asked, but then in terms of names, it was as un-flashy as the rest of the village. “Who’s that, your mayor?”

That had Bucket Hat huffing, before he straightened his narrow shoulders. “I am the mayor,” he said, although it wasn’t long before he conceded, “But they’re right; she’ll know what to do. She owns the bar over yonder.” He gestured with his walking stick to a house down the street, before walking off, grumbling under his breath about today’s youth. Buggy didn’t correct him to say he was almost forty; compared to that knot of limbs, he probably was a youth.

The broad who owned the tavern was probably similarly ancient, but then places like this were usually made up of retirees and spinsters; everyone else either enlisted or set out to sea under a different flag, or just to try their luck in a city somewhere. This barmaid was probably twice his age, and with his luck, twice as mean. Why else would the villagers be so eager to send him her way, other than to see him chased out of her bar with a broom?

The bar in question was the only one in the village, but then that wasn’t a surprise. Party’s Bar, the sign read, which he might have paused on, because this town didn’t look like it would know a party if one showed up, but Buggy barely glanced at it as he shoved through the bat-wing doors―

―only to come to a halt, the doors swinging wildly behind him, and his wide eyes staring at the cheerful interior of a common room that looked so unlike any bar he’d ever set foot in, he almost went back to double-check the sign out front.

The rest of his crew filed in behind him; unlike Buggy, still staring at the neat interior, they reacted with delight and approval.

Movement behind the bar dragged his eyes to the woman there, only to freeze.

Wide, doe-brown eyes considered him, and the crew crowding her doorway. She looked surprised rather than afraid, as she said, carefully, “Hello.”

Buggy barely heard the greeting, still staring at her face. He’d expected an old bat, spine like a fishing hook and with barnacles growing in the grooves of her face; the kind who breathed salt and rum and whose apron had stains older than the bar.

The one watching him from behind the counter was barely thirty, and more than that, she was―

She was―

“Captain,” someone behind him whispered. “You’re blocking the doorway.”

[cas-backwards-tie]

Chapter One: Assembly Required

The Missing Title

Baron Helmut Zemo x Reader

Summary: Enlisted to help a friend with a crisis you once specialized in, you find yourself in a foreign country getting ready for a mission in which the details you're unaware of. Reunited with a good friend, you follow his unhinged partner as you all prepare to stop more harm from being released onto the world.

Words: 5k

Warnings: Cursing, Illegal Activities, Terrorists, Politics, Bombs, Assassinations, Criminals, Secrets,

A/N: So I watched the series this summer, and while I hadn't anticipated to get hooked onto anything, a surprise appearance from Zemo had me falling in love with his character and now I'm writing this series and it'll just evolve forward into a story I've been daydreaming up these past few months. Also thank you to @imamotherfuckingstar-lord for hyping me up and encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone with the future topics of this story.

“Whatever, we just need to get inside,” Bucky dismisses Sam’s introduction to you. Truly, it’s a reintroduction, since you’d met him once or twice before, even if it was really only in passing.

From all the stories you’ve heard, you’re sure his attention was elsewhere, so you aren’t too dissuade by his stiff attitude. Sam offers you an annoyed glance in hopes that you, too, are either amused or off-put by the ex-assassin’s dour aura. With an alacrity you'd rarely seen in the past few years, his partner opens the auto shop's door and heads inside.

"What're you talking about, you wanna break Zemo outta jail?" Sam asks the man, clearly more perturbed by the incurring situation you'd stumbled into upon your good friend, Torres’, request. "Where the hell are we, Buck? Have you lost your mind?" Following both the men with the little light their flashlights emit, you listen, unsure what exactly the job Joaquin sent you to help out on entails.

"We have no leads, no moves, nothing-" Bucky answers, but Sam cuts him off.

"-Except the one I just called in, yeah. What we have is one of the most dangerous men in the world behind bars," Sam argues. Rounding the shelves of oil, dirtied gloves, tools, and mechanical parts, you try and watch your step. Albeit the darkness makes it harder than necessary to find your way without stumbling. Burner phone dug out of your pocket, you shine its faint light around your surroundings.

"And we also have eight super soldiers that are loose," Bucky reasons, his light casting downward as Sam shines it on him stepping over a rig. Despite not knowing James well, you know most people call him 'Bucky', and you know it's probably best not to interfere with the two men considering you're aware of Sam's indulgence when it comes to arguing. Hell, him and Joaquin could bicker for the rest of time. The thought elicits an amused eye roll on your behalf.

"Look, Zemo's gonna mess with our minds. Especially yours, no offense," Sam rebuttals, following suit as he steps over the rig. Suddenly his light is held still and there's a loud click before overhead lights come on all around you guys, lighting up what you can now see is a garage. Granted, the outside did have a sign indicating it was an auto-shop, you never know if it’s just a cover.

"Offense," Bucky comments, laying his flashlight aside on top one of the movable shelving carts. "Super soldiers go against everything he believes in. He is crazy, but he still has a code." Lips parting in thought, you're about to speak up when Sam beats you to it.

"Yeah, and I've been on the wrong side of that code, Buck, and so have you. He blew up the UN, he killed King T'chaka and framed you for it. Did you forget that?" Eyeing his partner with a ludicrous look in his eyes, he quickly finishes his train of thought. "You think the Wakandans forgot about it? It's a rhetorical question- they didn't. I know why this matters to you, but come on, it's pushing you off the deep end."

Despite your abhorrence for bickering, there was admittedly not much you could contribute to the conversation. Though the name ‘Zemo’ sounds familiar, you can’t pinpoint its origin. Tucking your burner phone into your back pocket, you place your hands on your hips in waiting. A big breath puffs out your cheeks as you pray they come to some sort of conclusion sooner than later.

"Sam, we don't know how they're gettin' the serum. We don't even know how many of them there are. Look, let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?" Though the topic is concerning, Bucky’s phrasing and search of consent elicit an amused smile.

"What did you do?" Sam asks accusingly, like the man’s already committed some sort of crime.

"I didn't do anything. The weakest point in a system isn't the software, or the hardware, it's the meatware. The human element. Now, in this lockup, it's nine to one, prisoners to guards. And if two prisoners start fighting, then the protocol says four guards have to respond-“ Bucky starts to explain.

“-So why would two prisoners randomly start fighting at that moment?" Sam questions.

"-Who knows? There could be many reasons. But the point is, these things escalate. Lockdown procedures would have to be initiated with all those bodies flying around left and right, it wouldn't be hard to slip down a hallway or two. And if the fire alarm got tripped while the prisoners were being separated, someone could use the chaos to their advantage." With his thorough knowledge of the protocols, it’s clear Bucky has a plan.

"I don't like how casual you're bein' about this. This is unnatural. Are you... and- where are we, man?!" Sam comes back to reality, demanding an answer as hypotheticals really won’t do much for whatever super soldier problem is going on. In the distance the metallic sound of a hinge squeaking and a click of a lock signals a door’s been opened.

Eyes flitting to its source, the three of you watch in anticipation as a blurry figure approaches, its shadow cast upon the hanging plastic curtains of the auto shop. Lifting a section of said curtain, a police officer or guard of some sort enters. Considering the lack of people around, you assume he’s here to arrest you all for trespassing. Vision shifting to the men in hopes they have a better plan than you, the two of them surprisingly don’t move.

“WHOA, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa- what’re you doin’ here?!” Sam yells, clearly upset by the man’s presence.

“No, listen. Look, I didn't wanna tell you cause I knew you wouldn't let this happen. Okay?" Bucky says calmly, a confusing juxtaposition for you, to say the least.

"What did you do?!" Sam turns his attention to Bucky.

“Nothing, according to him,” you quip. Gears turning within your mind, you’re starting to wonder if this is that ‘Zemo’ character they were just talking about. The former Winter Soldier aims a glare at you momentarily before refocusing on Sam.

“We need him,” Bucky asserts.

"You're going back to prison!" Sam declares, focus and pointer finger now targeting the dressed up guard.

"If I may,” the man speaks, lifting a finger to weigh in the conversation.

"No!" Both Sam and Bucky simultaneously yell, their similarity amusing if it weren’t a serious situation. If this is that ‘Zemo’ guy they were talking about who’s in prison… then clearly they’re in trouble.

"Apologies,” the mystery man’s accented voice elicits your attention which shifts over to him. Eyeing him up and down, you feel like he looks familiar in a strange way, but your memory is failing you in this moment. As his eyes turn in your direction, yours dart back to the two men closest to you.

"When Steve refused to sign the Sokovia Accords, you backed him. You broke the law, and you stuck your neck out for me. I'm asking you to do it again,” Bucky’s words elicit slight paranoia and anger within you. Torres didn’t mention the help you’d be giving was illegal. While you’d technically broken the law before, it’s not something you were ever hoping to do again. If something goes wrong… you aren’t sure if you’ll be able to get out of this, and going to jail is not an option. Hopefully Torres could work something out if worse comes to worst.

"I really think I'm invaluable,” mystery man speaks up again. While you’re distracted by the notion of mentally planning next steps, the comment elicits a mildly amused smirk from you.

"Shut up,” Sam commands the guard-dressed man. He spares a glance in your direction, tacitly seeking affirmation, which he’s granted. “Okay. If we do this, you don't make a move without our permission.” Sam directs the latter of his sentence toward the accented man, to which he subtly shrugs.

"Fair,” he comments, holding the black cap between his hands in front of him. It reads ‘JUSTIZ’ in white big bold capital letters across the front.

"Okay, Zemo. Where do we start?" Sam inquires, handing the reins--temporarily, knowing Sam--over to the man in uniform.

“Woah, woah! He’s the guy? The one you were talking about- the UN Bomber?!” You exclaim, hands thrown out in front of you as you gauge the two familiar men.

Sam sighs, running a hand over his face. “Why do you think we made such a big deal out of it?”

“The one and only,” Zemo—as you now know—responds all too calmly for your preference. Though what were you expecting, really? The man who supposedly (if you remember correctly) broke up the Avengers, according to the news.

“Correction: you made a big deal,” Bucky retorts, a disgruntled look sent in Sam’s direction.

“Nevertheless, first I need to grab a few items,” Zemo states, turning and walking back behind the plastic curtain in the direction he’d come from. Though the two man-children behind you begin to bicker again, you follow the criminal behind the curtain. This attracts their attention as they follow, intent on watching Zemo and making sure he doesn’t escape.

Opposite where he’d come in there’s another door. Pushing it open, you walk through; a few feet ahead Zemo confidently walks toward a black sedan-style car that looks like something out of an old Hollywood movie. “Woah,” you whisper, taking in all the little details of what’s clearly more a showroom than a garage.

“So our first move is grand theft auto?" Sam asks sarcastically, you assume based off his tone. Approaching a yellow-colored convertible car of the same antique classiness you slowly reach out and run your hand along the smooth metal, taking in the intricate detaling.

"These are mine. Collected by family over the generations,” Zemo informs, opening the trunk of the black car nearest the door you all had entered through. Though you can see him stashing equipment into a duffel bag in your peripheral vision, you follow Bucky and Sam suit as you marvel over the opulent vintage automobiles.

"I spent years hunting people HYDRA recruited to recreate the serum-" Zemo explains. Information cataloging in your mind, your heartrate accelerates slightly as your vision shifts between the men in hopes of gauging their mentality. As the known terrorist approaches the vehicle you'd just been examining, you feel yourself stiffen slightly. Surely if he'd wanted me dead he'd have killed me already, right? As he opens the right-side back door and rummages inside, it seems as though everyone's attention has returned to the one speaking. "-Because once it's out there, someone can create an army of people like the Avengers." Slow and deliberate with his word choice, you can tell that there may not be any secrets left unsaid. As the man's intense brown eyes shift over toward you, and then Bucky, your jaw clenches, and you swallow.

Uprighting himself, he continues. "I ended the Winter soldier program once before. I have no intention to leave my work unfinished." With this revelation, relief washes over you and your tension ebbs again. At least it seems, for now, that you're not on his list. Crossing your arms over your chest, you refocus on the information Zemo's relaying. "To do this we'll have to scale a ladder of lowlifes." While the terrorist walks off toward the other side of the garage, you turn and follow his figure.

"Join the party, we've already started," Sam comments, seemingly trying to piece together whatever plan Zemo is forming. Walking after him, you try to keep up considering the man seems to be taking lead.

"First stop is a woman named Selby--mid-level fence I still have a line on--from there, we climb," Zemo explains. While an eyebrow quirks in confusion at the term 'fence' you don't verbally question it. It's obvious whoever he's talking about is some kind of 'in' and while Joaquin hadn't taught you everything he knows, you can still follow along with enough context to understand what they're talking about.

--------

It'd been easy enough to get to the airport as it wasn't far, only about a twenty-minute ride in a taxi. While the men attempted to ascertain a location from Zemo, the criminal had been reluctant to indulge them, simply profiting a 'you'll know soon enough.' to keep them satisfied.

"So how was the flight here?" Sam inquires, finally turning his attention to you as the past half hour has been hectic. Sitting between Sam and Zemo, you try not to let the awkwardness of the whole situation get to you. Up front, an old man drives the taxi while Bucky had insisted on the passenger's seat. The ex-Winter Soldier stares out the windshield, yet something tells you he's eavesdropping, which you wouldn't put past anyone in this vehicle, honestly.

"It was fine. Short enough, though the constant 'we're here, now we're here, no, we're here- was somewhat annoying. Like, I just kept having to reroute and figure out how the hell I was gonna get to you when you guys couldn't keep still for even a second!" This elicits a laugh from your friend on the left, and you can't help but smile for the first time since you'd arrived.

"Kind of hard to do when you've got an agent on your ass," Sam comments, an amused smile on his lips as he leaves room for you to continue.

"Oh God, who is it this time?" Palming your face, you know that this mission is dangerous, yet you haven't been involved in this world for a while, and considering the subject matter, it's rather crucial you help them out.

"The new shield," Sam explains. He gives you a tight-lipped disapproving smile, nodding in understandance of your reaction. Eyebrows raised and lips parting in shock, you shouldn't be surprised, yet you are.

"That's why Joaquin warned me," a hum escapes your lips, "makes sense. Can't say I'm a fan, granted I don't know him."

"You don't need to know him to know he's doing something despicable," Bucky comments from the front, not bothering to even spare a glance in anyone's direction.

"Hey now-" Sam goes to start something, yet you interrupt him with a dissatisfied noise.

"So we know that whoever their supplier is, they've gotta have a lab. A professional one, one big enough to be producing the-" you glance at the driver in the rearview mirror, "stuff, and once we know where we're going I can start looking into a lead. Sound good?"

The distraction seemed to work for now as both your acquaintances respond in some form. Bucky nods up front, the two of you momentarily making eye contact in the side mirror.

"Yeah," Sam answers, arms crossing over his chest as he sits back in the seat. Luckily, the airport is already approaching in the distance.

Upon arrival all the doors are thrown open and the men evacuate the vehicle. Zemo lingers at the door as he holds it open. Unaware of the implication, you instinctively slide out on your left, following your old friend, Sam. "How much do we owe him?" You ask. As Bucky begins speaking with the driver and Sam dismisses you with a wave of his hand, you follow Zemo as he walks toward the airport's runway.

The infamous 'Avengers' follow you two suit, the both of them adorned with sunglasses, even if it's not the brightest out today. Readjusting your duffel bag on your shoulder, you aren't entirely sure what Zemo's plan is here.

"So all this time you've been rich?" Sam asks incredulously, and it's then that you realize the private jet the group of you are approaching is for you. Steps falling behind, your lips part in shock and surprise. Bucky notices your change in pace and offers a look back in your direction, a quirked brow. Small legs quickening their pace once again to catch up to the tall men, you contain your awe.

"I'm a Baron, Sam. My family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country," Zemo answers. Another revelation, another piece of information you hadn't known and hadn't anticipated. While the man may be an international terrorist and criminal, you hadn't paid the case too much attention as it was going on considering you were going through your own set of problems within your work field during that time.

"A Baron?" You echo Zemo's answer as you outwardly process this information. Though you're by no means stupid, the title is something you're not the most familiar with.

"Yes, the thirteenth, to be exact," Zemo responds, offering a look back in your direction before returning his attention to the man awaiting your group at the steps of the private jet. The puzzle only grows as Zemo greets the older gentleman in a language you don't understand. With extended arms, the well-dressed gentleman takes the Baron into his arms. Kisses placed on either cheek, you find the custom familiar. Smiles on both the men's faces, you feel taken aback. Mind reeling, you only find your curiosity toward this criminal growing. "Please," Zemo encourages you all to follow him up the steps.

Sam mumbles something to the older gentleman, and Bucky doesn't acknowledge him as he gestures with his hand for you to go up first. The older gentleman begins to take your bag off your shoulder, but your hand is quick to find its way atop his. "It's okay, I've got it. Thank you."

"Are you sure, Miss?" The elderly man asks in English. With a nod, he releases the strap of your bag and offers a polite smile. Following Sam up the steps, the other two men follow suit.

With help from the taller men to stuff your bag in one of the compartments toward the back of the jet, you find the only open seat is the one across from Zemo. It shouldn't be a surprise, despite Sam and Bucky's marriage-like bickering relationship, they're friends, teammates, and are more fond of one another than you'd guess they are of Zemo.

Before you know it, the jet is taking off and you're in the air for the second time today. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced," the Baron extends a hand in your direction, eyes roaming your face as you do the same, taking one another in.

With a quick look toward Sam, you're sure the worry in your eyes shows. Just as the Baron is about to sit back and retract his hand, you envelop his hand with your own, much smaller one. A firm shake between you two, you aren't sure what Zemo will make of your past, but surely he'll find out at some point.

"It's fine," Sam says your name, catching your attention. Even if the reassurance is small, you trust him.

With a divulgence of your full name, you offer Zemo a polite smile. "I take it you and Sam are friends? Former partners, I assume?" he questions, his head tilting slightly as he gauges both your, and Sam's reaction. The latter coughs, suddenly turning his attention out the window. You take that as your cue to answer.

"We've worked together once or twice, but... really yes, we're more friends than anything. One of his coworkers and friends is like a brother to me."

"Apologies if that's a little warm, the fridge is out-" the elderly man from earlier hands Zemo a glass of champagne, "-but I will see if there is some good food in the galley," he informs the Baron. From his attire, you've realized in the short time between boarding and taking off that the man is Zemo's butler.

Accepting the flute, the Baron responds in a language that sounds akin to Russian, you'd guess. The butler laughs, "Oh, it's good to have you back, Sir." Although you're not sure why, a small smile graces your features as you watch the butler turn to leave, though he suddenly turns back. "Can I get you anything, Miss?"

With a look between the butler and Zemo, who simply repeats his earlier indulgence of 'please', you shake your head, only to furrow your brows, rethinking. "Actually, water maybe, if you can, please?"

"Of course, Miss." The butler offers a polite smile and nod before turning to retreat into the galley toward the front.

"A friend of yours?" You question, turning back to face Zemo. Swallowing the sip of champagne he'd taken, he nods.

"Something like that," he responds with a look you can only attribute to playfulness in his eyes. "Can I ask how you've wound up on this exploit alongside us?"

Eyes shifting toward the windows beside your seats, you feel your heart beating a little faster under his gaze Zemo stares intently at you. Unwavering attention, he simply sips his drink as he waits for an answer.

"I, um... used to work for the CIA in their R and D department," you admit, swallowing the thick feeling in your throat as you contemplate explaining the whole truth.

"Which is how you met Torres," Sam comments with a smile, swiveling in his chair as he engages in the conversation.

"Yeah," you respond, meeting Sam's gaze. "though none of us knew what they were doing at first, we were just hired as scientists to test and develop certain biological elements. Our friend--" you turn your attention back to Zemo, hoping to clarify, "--Joaquin, the one who's like a brother to me, he wasn't a scientist, but we came into contact a few times and considering we grew up together we ended up in similar fields: the government."

"And how you met Sam," Zemo assumes, to an exactly correct truth.

"Yes, eventually."

"So you worked in Eugenics?" Zemo dares to ask, blatantly. Though you hadn't been expecting the boldness, you aren't surprised by the question. It was reasonable.

"In some ways... yes, though we thought at the time we were only doing it for the benefit of the people's health. Eradicating diseases, testing possible solutions and seeing how they affected the gene code," you explain. "Things... changed, toward the end, toward the snap..." trailing off, it's clear to everyone that there's a story there.

Not interested in divulging your secrets and past traumas, you don't indulge the following silence. While Sam may know a few select details of what occurred in the R and D department, he doesn't know the whole truth of what happened to your unit. Only what their cover-up was.

"You don't know what it's like to be locked in a cell," Zemo comments, his thoughts obviously having drifted from the conversation. "Oh, that's right- you do." Turning his attention to Sam, he offers him a grimace along with false cheers, sipping his warm champagne.

"Why don't you tell us about where we're going?" Sam pressures, swiftly changing topics as he doesn't wish to go down memory lane, and certainly doesn't want to entertain anymore thought of your previous life, nor the onslaught of questions, ethics, and morals he knows Zemo would cave to if he had you alone.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes with a wave of his hand before flipping another page in the small book he'd produced from his jacket a few moments ago. "I was just fascinated by this," the Baron comments. Eyeing the front of the book, you don't speak German, however, you can recognize it. 'Das Offene Nein In Der Liebe' reads the title, though you don't recognize any words besides 'nein', meaning 'no', and 'der' which you're pretty sure means 'the'. Curious as to why Zemo is suddenly avoiding Sam's questioning under the guise of reading, your eyebrows furrow.

"I don't know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?" Zemo asks. In a sudden movement that makes you yelp and jump, Bucky has his gloved hand wrapped around Zemo's throat. Wide-eyed, you stare in shock and fear as you aren't sure what to do.

"If you touch that again, I'll kill you," the ex-Winter Soldier whispers, eyes filled with anger as he threatens the Baron. The thief quickly nods and Bucky retracts his hand, sitting back in his seat. Letting a big breath slowly filter through your lips, you try not to let the situation unsettle you. After all, from the fleeting moments you've been acquainted, Bucky's always been a wild card.

"I'm sorry," Zemo apologizes again, to your surprise. While you don't know either of the two men well, you hadn't heard them to be quite as... dramatic, as they've been the last hour. Still gathering yourself, you try not to meet anyone's gaze as your eyes travel to the flute Zemo still somehow holds in his grip. "I understand that list of names. People you've wronged as the Winter Soldier."

Your association with the man brought up, you let your gaze flit over to him, Bucky's face somewhat stoic on the outside, yet the faint view of his eyes from your position lets you see that Zemo's not wrong.

"Don't push it," the man warns, and you can't help but offer Bucky a sympathetic smile. While you don't know too much of his story or personal life, you've heard about how he's been through more than anyone could ever imagine.

"I've seen that book-" Sam speaks up, and you have no doubt he's trying to lessen the tension between the four of you. "It was Steve's when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man- he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What'd you think?" Sam asks, turning the conversation into something more causerie.

"I like Fortie's music, so..." Bucky responds, finally shifting his attention back to Sam as opposed to staring out the window like he'd been doing for most of the conversation since take off.

"You didn't like it?" Sam asks, obviously offended in some way. Clearly his taste seems to differ from Bucky. Steve, though, was a different man. You hadn't known him personally, though you've heard all the stories everyone did growing up and during the time he was alive.

"Fortie's music is great, so- can't say I blame you," you agree, taking Bucky's side. Is it really taking sides if you're just stating your opinion, though? Sam clearly seems to think contrarily as he gives you a glare before turning his pressuring and quizzical look on Bucky.

"I liked it," Bucky states.

"It is a masterpiece, James. Complete. Comprehensive," Zemo pipes up, gesticulating with his hands to emphasize, "it captures the African-American experience." While you're personally not familiar with whatever movie, song, book, or album they're talking about, you can't help but find yourself biting back a smile. Sam's concerned look only adds to your amusement as he shifts his attention back and forth between the two men.

"He's outta line, but he's right. It's great! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye," Sam argues, finally turning an eye on you in question, "right?"

"I like Marvin Gaye," Bucky agrees.

"I... can't say I know Marvin Gaye," you admit embarassedly as your eyes turn toward your lap for a moment.

"Steve adored Marvin Gaye. Wait- what do you mean you don't know Marvin Gaye?! Everybody knows Marvin Gaye!" Sam argues, starting to go off about how Joaquin had to have shown you and how he'll correct that, that is, until Zemo speaks up again.

"You must've really looked up to Steve. But I realized something when I met him--"

"You met him?" The words leave your mouth before you cringe, palm coming up to your face as you remember. You hadn't been involved, but you'd seen the news. You knew what happened with Zemo. "Sorry! Sorry, I-" No one addresses your misstep, as you're sure they all know, or suspect, that it wasn't really your personal business anyways, even if the entire world knew what happened to some degree or another.

"The danger with people like him--America's super soldiers--is that we put them on pedestals," Zemo continues, reciting his line of thought on the subject as he ignores what you'd said, thankfully, and blows right past it.

"Watch your step, Zemo," Sam warns, obviously defensive over one of his closest friends.

"They become symbols, icons... and then we start to forget about their flaws. From there, cities fly, innocent people die, movements are formed, wars are fought. You remember that, right?" Dark eyes turning on Bucky, Zemo clearly is bringing up what happened, what? Almost... nine, ten years ago? Silently counting on your fingers in your seat, you conclude: nine years. It's been nine years since Ultron rose and attempted to overthrow the world. Nines years since the Battle of Sokovia happened. Yes, it's all coming back now.

Zemo. Baron Zemo, royalty of Sokovia, right? There'd been something in the papers, something about how his family had tragically died and that was the reason he blew up the United Nations headquarters. That's what he's talking about. Tuning back in to the conversation, you follow his line of thought.

"As a young soldier sent to Germany to stop a mad icon. Do we want to live in a world full of people like the Red Skull?" Zemo shakes his head, and you can't help but do the same. "That is why we're going to Madripoor."

"What's up with Madripoor? You guys talk about it like it's Skull Island," Sam interjects, Zemo must have said something about it when you were zoned out.

"It's an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago. It was a pirate sanctuary in the 1800s," Bucky explains.

"It's kept its lawless ways, but we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves." The Baron turns his attention on Bucky, "James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone..." with no outward reaction, he turns to you and then Sam. "You two will have a part to play as well."

~~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo

[jmdbjk]

Episode 5: WELCOME!

Beyond the Star, produced by HYBE Media Studio

BTS continues to break records with Butter and Permission to Dance.

Whereas Dynamite was intended to be a feel good song for the fans during trying times, Butter was a little more intentional. BTS did not think they would release another single after Dynamite and the BE album but the pandemic was wearing on so out of many songs that they were sent to consider, they chose Butter. Namjoon rewrote most of the rap and the rest, as we keep saying, is history.

Butter broke Dynamite's Youtube premiere record of peak concurrent viewers with 3.9 million as well as other viewer number records.

Butter debuted at #1 on the BBHot100 and charted at #1 for 10 non-consecutive weeks. "Smooth like butter" became the catch-phrase of the summer of 2021.

And FINALLY, BTS heads to Los Angeles at the end of November 2021 for their first performances with a live audience. The world is still trying to emerge from all the covid restrictions but this is their chance. The U.S. has opened the doors and they go for it.

They will be one of the first artists to perform at the brand new SoFi stadium.

They are going to give it their all because things are still uncertain. Performing concerts with live audiences, being able to perform physically after such a long break and the fear or dread of NOT being able to perform again with an audience was the biggest thing weighing on them. Yoongi seemed optimistic and Namjoon said he hoped so but was afraid of having his feelings hurt again.

They realize their bodies are aging and that before the pandemic, as we know, they were driving their bodies into the ground physically with their grueling schedules.

It was 2 years between performances with a live audience – Love Yourself/Speak Yourself in Seoul, October 2019 to PTD LA, November 27, 2021.

Watching them prepare, as a group, for a major concert is awesome. These behind the scenes are very precious because they now know what it feels like to go through the motions of a live performance WITHOUT an audience.

The quality of their preparation and rehearsals increased. They had time to talk about the performance and production. They changed some things that they previously did during concerts. They said their energy levels were even higher than ever.

(PTD concert remix of Fire needs to be released this year. Just sayin.)

After they finally perform in front Army, they have mixed feelings. Relief, excitement, trepidation that this might be the last time. It was still a time when they didn't know if they'd get to perform again after PTD LA. One thing we learn is that they realized if they didn't get to perform once back in Seoul, that would be it for three years because of enlistment. Enlistment was the wall they faced every single day.

But as we know, the Seoul shows did go on in March 2022 and the Las Vegas shows in April and we also know how the rest of 2022 went.

We see them enjoying some free time in Los Angeles while in-between concerts, something they never got to do before. I think they made the free time a requirement when doing concerts. Their bodies needed to rest.

We see them win AOTY at the AMAs.

It is more serendipity because Namjoon mentioned a little bit before in this episode that he'd thought about quitting until he realized they belonged on that stage and knew that's what had to happen. Jin says the previous 2 years were a time for them to reorganize themselves and they were able to release Dynamite, Butter, Permission to Dance and reach even more overseas fans and make their concerts even more exciting.

Jungkook says they were not expecting to win AOTY at the AMAs. Winning Artist of the Year at the AMAs enabled them to view it as yet another door opening to their future.

Holding sold out concerts in huge stadiums, performing at the top of their game, winning huge awards at western award shows, these things legitimized them being asked to represent their country at the UN and other global and international diplomatic conferences.

I know... they were asked to do this BEFORE they won the Artist of the Year at the AMAs, and BEFORE the PTD shows, and it is because of what they'd accomplished before those things, but it further drives the point home that BTS will continue in the future to be a big player in the music industry worldwide and they already know this.

Jungkook says they aren't sure what the future holds yet but ignoring what's happened is not an option.

Tae says they want to remain the artists who impart a positive influence.

They have finally realized what their purpose is and they are realizing the influence they wield.

[theharrowing]

i'm boycotting hybe merch and i think you should too

listen: i'm not going to hold anyone's feet to the fire and say "boycott or else" and i am not going to unfollow or unfriend people, but i have been thinking a lot about this, and then i saw a post on twitter basically outlining everything that i have been mulling over & then some, and it has just been on my mind all day (and tbh for a few days) and i thought that maybe if i put these thoughts out into the world, it might get people thinking.

i also realize that these thoughts would have been better if realized before black friday and current merch drops, but it is what it is. i didn't even know they were doing another merch drop because i do not pay attention.

THE AFOREMENTIONED THOUGHTS; APOLOGIES FOR BEING SCATTERED:

we are witnessing the starbucks boycott working, and although it is yet to be stated whether that is making anyone on the upper level rethink their bullshit, they have been losing billions !!! of dollars.

i think people will be like "but i don't want to hurt BTS as people," and i hear that, but i also do not genuinely think a boycott would. they are literally fucking millionaires, and it is so hard to not get on my "i don't respect millionaires or believe they have the right to exist" soapbox when i do love them so much, but i also don't think they need our money, especially right now. especially because some (if not most) money can't go to them while they are in the military anyway (although i did see something about how the artist collection proceeds still might since it was initially sold before??? idk. still they are fucking millionaires.)

i think that what would be impactful would be for people to stop buying the merch for a while to send a message to hybe that we are not in support of zionists working with BTS. a romantic, faraway dream is for them to drop scooter braun's dumbass all together, but i do not genuinely think hybe or bang pd gives a shit about much beyond money, which is unfortunate. on this note tho, we could organize an email campaign??? i am more than down??? but it would depend on a lot of you participating. (if you're down tho i will type it up right away.)

do i think we need to boycott golden as a whole? no. i mean........i'm not buying the album because i have personally been more or less boycotting merch since the whole angel pt. 1 debacle, but i think that streams are fine bc they hardly bring in money anyway. but i am boycotting the justin timberlake and usher remixes because.......well, sorry but the favs are problematic.

[going to center myself and my feelings quick and i apologize...] i just cannot get through a day without sobbing uncontrollably about what is happening in gaza. and i cannot, in good faith, support zionists or people who work with them. this falls in line with BTS preaching for us to "love yourself, speak yourself." everything they have stated in UN speeches and in many of their lyrics makes me feel like the only thing i can do as a fan is stand up for injustices when i see them, and hybe working with zionists is a huge injustice. and if you disagree.......idk. i cannot sympathize with or understand you; this post is not for you.

i think it is a huge injustice to what BTS instills in people and makes them believe if we sit back while hybe does whatever the fuck they want without caring about the consequences.

(disney is also on the list, by the way, of companies that support israel. if you need illegal links to disney+ bts content, we can figure something out.)

also, i will say that while silence is violence and choosing neutrality is choosing the side of the oppressor, i wonder if the reason none of the guys are speaking out about the conflict has to do with their enlistment (aka something pertaining to matters i do not understand within the korean government) or within the company itself because they work with scooter et al (aka bang telling them to stay quiet.) whatever the reason is, i guess i am choosing the side of wishful thinking right now. i have absolutely no proof for any of these thoughts, but i do see some people angry at BTS for not speaking up, and while i agree that everyone should use their platforms, i am wondering aloud whether there might be a reason for it. this is not me making excuses for anyone, though........i just don't know. i have no idea.

SOME FINAL FINAL THOUGHTS:

at the end of the day, we can only do what we can. if you can only boycott so much, you can only boycott so much. it takes time and effort to radicalize to the point of cutting out so many unnecessary things what we deem as "necessary." but it is possible. your money does make a difference, and wouldn't you want that difference to be good? and if you do have a moment of weakness, it is important to continue to stay the path and do not let guilt make you feel one way or another. we all make mistakes but the important thing is that we try.

ALSO if you want cute merch, support independent artists!!!!!!!!! the BTS army is full of amazing creatives and your money can help them for a little while instead!!!

i might be missing a lot, like i said, my brain is super scattered. but if this resonates or speaks to you or there is more i should consider, please reach out.