#um vent i guess

[ihateornithologists]

me the past few days: a moodboard

[littleplantfreak]

Midnight

So...this is a self indulgent Ume/Reader kinda not too much Ume about your cat passing away and going through it because that's where I'm at right now and I thought writing about it might help. (i named it after my cat too so)

Word count: 800ish (sorry i know that's a lot)

Cws: Hurt/Comfort (I tried to make it a little happy at the end), Animal Death, Grief

I only read it through once so no beta and under the cut :0 because I don't wanna make anyone sad who doesn't want to be.

It’s snowing again and the white powder muffles sound, making the walk from the car to your front door quieter than usual. Your keys jangle loudly in opposition when you take them out of your purse to unlock the door. 

“Hey, I’m home Mid-”

The words die in your throat, realizing there’s no one to call out to. Hajime is still at work, and your cat, who would normally greet you with trilling mews and a smack of his tail is gone.

His sickness came quickly and in the end it was better for him to go peacefully rather than to let things fail on their own, causing unnecessary pain. Logically, you know that, but you never realize how big the hole will be until it stares you in the face. 

Hajime had tried to stay strong until the very end, if not for you then to make sure the last time your cat saw your faces they wouldn’t be scrunched up in upset. You saw the shatter of his walls the minute the vet let you know it was over though.

The small funeral you held for him in the backyard had left both of you snotty and puffy faced. It’s a beautiful grave, especially once the two of you were through planting the flowers and placing painted stones in a few extra spots. Loved and certainly not forgotten, your cat’s absence is felt now more than ever when you’re by yourself. 

His cat tree is still in the living room, still fuzziest where he liked to rub off on it, and a little green mouse is still under a side table, only visible if you walk past it the right way.

By the time your boyfriend comes home, you’ve been on the couch for about an hour. You pet the white blanket around you as if it could possibly come close to feeling like your cat's fur. It doesn’t.

“Too quiet?” Hajime’s voice guesses as he sheds his jacket. He knows what’s wrong without you having to say it. He feels the spaces left behind too.

“I still expect him to come around the corner to look at me with those big green eyes,” you sniffle, pushing the tears back. Grief is not easy. It bubbles up when you least expect it, yet the world doesn’t stop turning and it rarely gives you a breather. You both pushed through the work day though if it’s any consolation. 

“Me too sweetheart,” he says, walking into the room. He curls up next to you as he brings you close, a blanket of warmth that you're so familiar with. It almost feels unfair to be comforted like this, but the thought is pushed quickly aside when his fingers thread through your hair to massage small circles, a pleasant distraction from the ache in your chest and the soreness of eyes that’ve cried too many tears. 

You rub and pat and feel his back and shoulders, molding them like putty in simple reciprocation as if the whole of you is saying to each other “I’m here, you can feel me, I’m not going anywhere.”

It begins there. With little comforts like a text to tell him you’re home or the radio left on throughout the day so that when you walk through the front door you just might be able to sing to the song playing. With a weekly pruning and upkeep of the little grave whose flowers are just starting to bloom. 

The wound doesn’t necessarily heal, but it gets stitched up. The scar doesn’t fade but if you run your finger down it, you don’t wince like you used to.

Which is why, when there’s two little mismatched eyes peeking at you from the top of an old cat tree, months and months past since the last time it’s been used, you can’t help but feel a dull throb.

It wasn’t planned; most cats aren’t in your experience. Still, she is quite cute with her eyes that remind you of Sakura and an orange glossy coat. At first you were afraid to forget your first cat, but the longer you have her, the more differences you pick out between the two. She’s an addition, not a replacement, and you both agree wholeheartedly. 

“Yowch! She’s climbing up my back again,” your boyfriend whines from the kitchen. You can hear small mews signalling she's made her way to her perch.

“If you hadn’t taught her to do that and ride on your shoulder everywhere, you might not have scratches on your butt that I have to keep disinfecting,” you sigh exasperatedly back at him as you fold the laundry. 

“She likes to be tall!” he defends and you can see that, considering her favorite spot to jump up on is the top of the fridge. She fills her own spaces, just like your cat before did, and you can’t help but be grateful for that.

[cecilsrandomeverything]

Who else up wanting to be objectified because then at least you’ll be wanted and chased after. You won’t have to chase after others anymore, you can let it all go and trust that you’ll be carried and not dropped. No one?? Okay….

[frogmoisturethief]

ughhhhhhhhh I’m gonna fail my lab practical tomorrow

[the-red-hoodlum]

omw to school now chat!! 😸

[stinkrascal]

happy average normal everyday non-holiday sunday everyone

[keennachotraveler]

The despaired wolf sits atop a hill on a dark, cold night. he howls desperately, a cry for the attention he so desperately yearns for. The wolf aspires to have attention that isn't negative. He howls to maybe find someone that will not treat him like he's nothing just because he's unable to stick with the pack he was shunned from. The wolf cries because the world was unfair, he cries because it feels like no one's there. he has an almost hatred for the universe around him, for the treatment he has gotten. The despair he has been brought his whole life. He thinks the world means nothing at all. But. Little did the wolf know just how much he has his part In the world, and little did he know that some people? They really do care. They are certainly there.

He just had to look behind him, and past the foggy night.

[rat-rosemary]

The silly thing about being a person is that sometimes I'll find out I got blocked by someone I dont even know and I have to be normal it and not get anxious that I'm somehow doing something wrong

[unlockitbaby]

For the FIRST TIME I am enjoying being on the internet and feel like myself...

[comfycalamity]

[ i stay just to run and i run for my life / i must dig those graves if i want to stay alive ]

[strangerinalostworld]

sitting on my bed, drinking what is probably my ninth caprisun of the day, and just fucking crying. cause i’ve realized that as much as i try, i’ll never be fucking normal. i don’t know what it is, maybe it’s my depression, maybe it’s shit from my childhood, but whatever it is i just can’t be a normal fucking human being. as much as i try, i’ll always be putting on a performance, which is really mediocre at best, to act like the people around me. i’ll talk too much, and the people around me get sick of it. i’ll apologize for talking too much, and eventually the people around me will get sick of that too. i nearly cried because one of my friends - jokingly - told me to shut up while i was rambling on to her. can i really blame her for not wanting an unsolicited explanation about the differences between different symbiotic relationships? no, but how was i supposed to know she didn’t want that information? if i didn’t know about it already, i’d want to hear about it. so maybe i’m just selfish. maybe i can’t grasp the fact that i’m different from most people. i’m not saying that in a “i’m so quirky and different way” i fucking hate it. and i can’t expect anyone to understand because i don’t fucking understand it myself.

[dandyshucks]

okay stressful event done, hopefully i can be calm and normal again starting tomorrow 🙏

everyone put your lucky clovers and horseshoes together for me to hope that I did not get covid because I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE VICINITY WEARING A MASK. OUT OF 200 ISH PEOPLE. FUCK !

[butchybats]

Feeling like I’m not allowed to vent to anyone while feeling like I’m going to explode if I don’t calm down is not a good combo!

[jeannedarcgerard]

wow ! that was a little bit too much stimulation ! let me go pick off all my skin

[applelikejuicy]

🍎

[plague-mask-crane]

Why is it so hard to talk to people about my problems??? Like yeah, LOGICALLY I know it's from a fucked up past, but like..... can I please just tell the people I care about how everything is just... dying ??

OH SPEAKING OF WHICH FUNNY STORY (not really)

First things first, I have a very nihilistic outlook on life and everything in it. Blah blah blah yeah yeah "it's not good for your mental health " please be quiet before I tell you all the logic please and thank you.

anyways

I was at therapy, and my therapist is a very optimistic person, all "every single life has value and we have been put on this earth for a reason". I mean that's her viewpoint which is totally 100% valid, mines just different. Very different. I won't go into it.

ANYWAYS

We were talking about it and I started telling her all my logic and shit and she's just like 😐😦🫥

and she has to take a HOT SECOND trying to find a positive thing to say as I tell her that in reality all life is one day meaningless and one day there will be no one on this earth who would ever remember your name blah blah blah.

I felt a little bad, making her that shocked.

I mean who am I kidding it was really funny