#um I really don’t have much to say

[straight4joekeery]

Teach Me How To Love In Your Own Lyrics

(part 11/final) Ao3

prev. part one

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“You taste good?” he groaned, “What in the everloving fuck was that? Huh? You’re a complete dumbass you know? You are actually disgusting. You finally kissed the dude then you pull that? Did you think that's cute? He probably doesn’t ever want to see you again. You know what? I can't even look at you right now. Perv,” he said walking away from the mirror.

Once again, he was pacing. He needed to be at the airport in three hours, and he just woken up. You might say ‘So? You have plenty of time.’ but remember, this is Steve we’re talking about. He rushed around the house completing his daily routine (using an actual physical checklist, because why not?). This list included all the basics, plus: deep cleaning the entire house, actually doing things that needed to be done for work, and even giving Ozzy a bath (horrible idea). By the time he threw on his sweater (who cares if it’s summer?) and made the last check, he still had two hours left. He wanted to cry. He wish time would stop being so inconvenient. He sat down and watched tv until he couldn’t stand it. This house was making him anxious. He patted Ozzy on the head and ran out the door.

“Steve?” It was his neighbor. Great. She had the tendency to talk. For hours. And hours and hours. (More than Julie. And that’s saying something.) In her defense, she was old and had no friends. (what? It’s true.) He was going to be late. He was going to be late and Eddie was going to be furious. He’d probably never want to speak to him again. Damnit. He decided to be bold for once. Once! (And that was a one time thing!) And he was already going to mess it up. “Are you doing alright? You look a little pale.”

“Uh hi, Sharon. Yep, fine. Just in a rush,” he said walking towards his car.

“Where ya headed?” She said, also walking towards his car.

“The airport. Picking my- someone up,” he quickly opened the door and sat down in the car. She, however, decided to hold the door open with her hand.

“My someone?” She raised her eyebrow, “I know that look. You’re dating someone. Is it that girl? What’s her name? Rachel- no that’s not it,” she gave him a puzzled look, “Ruby? No wait… Robin!”

“No-“

“You know I’ve seen you two. Is something going on? Y’all seem super cute together. I think-“

“No! Ew, no! No, Sharon. You’re right okay? I am going to pick up someone I’m dating. Is that good enough for you? Now if you’ll excuse me I need to leave before the plane lands so they won’t have to stand and wait an hour for me,” he said, knowing well no matter how slow he went, he’d make it on time. He moved her hand and slammed the door. He could see her glare at the car, from the rearview as he sped away, mouthing at him. Now he’s down to one neighbor on his side. (Amy will never not love him.)

Fuck. He felt nauseous. It most likely didn’t help that he hadn’t eaten. Oh. Yeah. He should probably do that. He wasn’t really in the mood to pass out behind the wheel. He had time. It was going to be fine. But, like, not enough time to go sit down and eat, obviously. He pulled into a convenience store on the side of the road. He rushed in and grabbed a candy bar (that’s enough right?). He paced to the checkout noticing the display of flowers nearby. (Hawkins takes National Women’s Equality Day very seriously.) He handed a bouquet to the cashier. (“Lucky lady I see?” Probably not the display he should buy these from. “Uh yeah,” he grimaced, “Something like that.”) He, quite literally, scurried to parking lot, and threw the candy bar into the ibis that was his car (which was quickly discarded and never eaten).

And just like that he was off. Again. He made it to the airport a little faster than expected (he only sped a little). With (drumroll please) 58 minutes to spare. Just in time am I right? He drummed on his knees impatiently and looked around. Well folks: to the left, we have ourselves a car, to the right we have (get this) another car, and I’ll give you one guess for what’s in front of Steve’s car… if you said ‘a car’ Congrats! Bingo! Right on the money! You win! Fantastic job! He sighed and looked over to the passenger seat (fortunately, there was no car there). He picked up the flowers and scrunched his face. This is stupid and horribly embarrassing. Who actually would want flowers? Definitely not Eddie. He’s probably allergic or something. He threw them behind his seat and closed his eyes. He took a few breaths to calm himself down and decided it hasn’t been long enough since the last time and needed to check the time. And- oh my god. Oh no.

So apparently that had been a lot more than a few breaths. It was 9:14. The flight landed at 9. Oh, this is bad. This is really really bad. He immediately sprang up and bolted out of his car. His mind went blank, while he stood still for a second not knowing what to do, before realizing that he was inside waiting. When he made it inside the airport, out of breath, he looked around for what seemed like an hour, before he actually panicked. He paced (a simple way to put it) around the airport looking for anyone who slightly resembled Eddie. Luckily, he was the only one who could be mad at him. The rest of the band was being picked up by Gareth's mom since she had a ginormous van. When he didn’t see anyone, he walked over to the arrival/departure board. He bit his nails as he searched for Minneapolis. As soon as he made it to the M’s he felt someone crash into his back. Jesus Christ. First, he loses Eddie’s trust, and now he’s getting kidnap-

“Stevie!” Eddie said, backing up so Steve could move, “Oh no. You look mortified. I am so sorry, the flight was late. I mean it’s not like I had any way of telling you but- I am so sorry!” He let out a huge sigh of relief, “What?”

He walked forward, wrapping his arms around his neck for what felt like the 1000th time. “I’m so glad you're back, I don’t think you get it.”

“Trust me, I get it,” he rolled his eyes and smiled to himself. “Okay not to, like, totally ruin the moment and all but I have been stuck on a plane for god only knows how long and I really have to pee. Okay? Stay put, I’ll be right back,” he set down his bags and ran away like a literal gremlin. He snorted and backed against the wall. The three-month wait wasn’t that horrible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you okay?” Steve whispered.

“Obviously! I haven’t been here in three months. Three months! I’m so happy!”

“That wasn’t obvious, you look like you’re about to cry.”

“Oh, I totally am!” He giggled, “Hey and you can’t say anything, hypocrite. Or shall I say ‘Mr. I-am-so-emotional-I’ve-already-cried-three-times-since-Eddie’s-been-home’. Which hasn’t even been half an hour by the way,” he grinned. Steve looked back at Eddie to see him hitting the palms of his hands against his knees. He reached over the center console and held his hand for Eddie to take. When Eddie noticed, he blushed (badly) before taking it. “Thank you.”

“…for?” He questioned.

“Oh ya know, everything ever.”

“Um okay. You’re welcome I think? I'm not sure you should be thanking me for everything ever but, uh. Yeah, I guess?”

“No I mean it,” Eddie sighed without any further explanation. “Hmm, no. I’m kidding actually. Bitch,” he said endearingly after a hot minute of silence.

“Asshole,” he said, trying to remove his hand from Eddie’s with a smirk.

“Fucker,” Eddie said squeezing his hand tighter, so he couldn’t move.

“Dick.”

“Slut.”

He gasped, “Low blow, dude. Low blow.”

“Yeah, that’s fair. I’m so so sorry. Uhm,” he fake-pondered with a finger on his chin, “Ah yes. Gay,” he nodded successfully to himself.

“That’s better.”

These were the moments he missed most. Meaningless things that they would probably forget about in a day. Where they could be themselves without a care in the world.

“Oh, my god. The Harrington mansion at its finest. How I missed this place,” Eddie whispered to himself loudly.

“Three things. First of all, this house is barely considered big, let alone a mansion. Second, you say that like more than one Harrington living here. Third, why?” He said, pulling into the driveway.

“Okay one, have you seen my apartment? And-”

“Aren’t you, like, super rich and famous now? I bet you could afford my house, twice, and still have enough to be considered ‘rich as hell’,” Eddie raised his eyebrows and gave him a look, “Sorry. Continue.”

“And you used to live in a mansion with your parents, ahem number two, and I’m not giving up calling your current place of residence the Harrington mansion. That’s set in stone. Engraved into the stone if you will. Lastly, it's your house, ergo you will be here, ergo I have to like this place,” Eddie smiled, and made a face so you visibly could tell he just had a great (evil. Pure evil.) idea. “Also, revisiting number two, maybe if you let me move in, there might be more than one Harrington,” he winked and threw a ring made out of a straw wrapper (he swears this dude is Mary Poppins’ son) at him, before jumping out of the car. “That is, assuming it’s a yes.”

He quickly slid the ring on his finger (what? He was never letting that out of his sight now) and followed him to the other side of his car, “You are so-”

“Amazing? Charming? Handsome? So completely generous? Irresistible?”

“Interesting.”

“Well, I take that as a compliment. Though I think fascinating would be a better fit,” he said opening the back door to grab his bags, “Jesus H. Christ why did I need to bring- are those flowers?” He grabbed them and smirked.

“Oh, uh- I’m-“

“I’m hoping these are for me and you haven’t been seeing anyone else,” his face went pale, “You haven’t… right?”

“No! Of course not! I just- I thought it was weird and I knew you are clearly not the flower type and plus! I mean they-“ he went on but was interrupted by Eddie smacking a quick kiss on his lips. Nevermind. Flowers were good. Keep buying them.

“I think that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Purple is my favorite color too,” he blushed, bringing the flowers up to cover his face.

“Really? Purple?”

“Yep,” he said, popping the p, “And you can tell everyone you want I don’t care.”

“Oh, trust me, I’ll be sure to tell my three friends.”

“I mean, it’s not like they’d ever believe you. Three friends you say? Who’s this new mystery-“

“Oh, really Steve?!” They looked over to see Sharon with her hands on her hips, “look, I don’t care that you're dating a- a man,” she stuttered, “but why him?! He’s such a horrible influence!”

Eddie looked over to Steve and gave him an amused look. “Just between you and me,” he put up a hand to his mouth and stage whispered to Sharon, “I’m one hundred percent in it solely for the money.”

“Is that so?” Eddie gasped.

“Don’t act like you didn’t know,” he winked and rested his hand on Eddie’s hip for show. “Bye, Sharon! Have a marvelous day,” he turned around and dramatically rolled his eyes. “Okay anyways back to our scheduled programming, yes I do have three friends. Why does no one belive I have friends by the way? Very insulting,” he ran and unlocked his door, Eddie following shortly behind him, “I have Ozzy now!” Eddie pushed Steve inside and threw his bags on the floor (one of which fell open and sent random junk flying everywhere).

Eddie, completely ignoring what Steve had said, backed him against the counter, “So we’re dating now?”

“Oh uh, sorry about that. She was bothering me this morning so I kinda just spit out words and sped away. That was weird. Sorry, I’ll tell her that I was-“ he was once again interrupted by Eddie pressing his lips against his. (He was definitely not complaining.) This time it was better, deeper. More meaningful. Magical. They almost instantly tangled their fingers into each others hair, like it was habit. And he was going to do everything in his power to make sure it was.

“Stevie, wait,” Eddie pulled back, (after about the longest 3 minutes of Steve’s now glorious, wonderful life) eyes widened.

“What? What is it? Are you okay? Did I do something? Is it-“

“No,” he giggled, “it’s just… did you say cat?”

“Yeah? Like 5 minutes ago? Why,” before he could finish he was already gone, searching the house for said cat. “Did you just now process that?" he giggled.

"Shut up, I'm slow," he popped his head out from where he was searching under the shelves, "You know this. Therefore you cannot be mean."

"I don't think that means anything actually," he groaned when he didn't see a cat and moved onto a different spot, "Eddie, he’s over there. He hides in the pantry when someone comes in the house.”

He bolted in that direction immediately (slipping on the hardwood like scooby-doo), “Oh my god I love him,” he said triumphantly holding the cat in the air, “I’m keeping him. He’s mine now.”

“Hmm, I don’t believe that’s happening. You can see him when you're here, you’ll survive I promise.”

“Well,” he said, skipping over to the couch and throwing himself on it with a smirk, “I guess I’ll just have to move in won’t I?” These are the time Steve’s glad Eddie was the bolder one. (Again: One. Time. Thing.) He’d wanted to ask that for about a year now but never got the courage.

“Is that so?” He said while, more gracefully, sitting down.

“I mean, little man said he wants me to. And you cannot resist that face can you?” He held Ozzy up to his face and poured.

“Which one?”

“Mine obviously,” he scoffed, “Is that a yes? Because I’m taking that as a yes.”

Steve sighed and smiled, “Yes, Eddie. Whatever will satisfy,” he waved his hand at Eddie, “your needs.”

“Wait really?” Eddie beamed.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because I’m not cool enough duh.”

“I think you are almost too cool.”

“Nobody could be too cool for Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington,” he said, setting Ozzy down and laying his head on Steve’s shoulder. He wanted to cry. He’s never been this happy.

“I don’t know man. Oz is pretty cool.”

“True,” he looked up at Steve and smiled, before looking serious, “I hope it will always be like this.”

“It will be,” he let out a shaky breath.

When Eddie didn’t reply he went to say more, take it back, but didn’t have the chance. Because just like he took the words right out of his mouth, “Right.” And he was.

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End

and this is what I call "thank fuck, it's finally over." BUT YAY I THINK. I honestly have no clue what to say besides uh thanks. Love how I went from a part everyday to a part almost exactly every month. I like to tortue myself with that info. I could have been done in January. But I think it’s better this way. Now I can finally put this on Ao3. Um anyways. I’m really unenthusiastic about this. I’m tired (wow what a shock). It is kinda crazy tho. I’d like to restate that all of this was all based off a dream. Also I’d like to inform that my most interesting dream was me getting chased by a big butterfly sooooo. Somehow this was a decent length. Idk how. I kinda just woke up and poof part 11 spawned. Okay so in other news,

Since I can no longer go on my how to get tagged spiel: I will now ask if you would like to be tagged in my next fic/ or if you want to be permanently tagged in all of my works such a as- all my fics, incorrect quotes, and random misc stuff.

One thing abt the new fic, remember how slow the last few updates of this were? It will most likely be like that. I kind sorta have it planned out but I am STRUGGLING with the povs. I’m also probably going to wait Untill I’ve written part 2 before posting pt 1. That worked out a lot better and kept me motivated for this one! )The fic is pre st1 btw and I’m rly excited cause I LOVE LOVE LOVE pre st4 fics.)

Tag list:  @asbealthgn @queerbeansworld @bird-with-pencils @vecnuthy @artiststarme  @captain-winter-wolf-aehs @piningapplewitch @rowendyss @steve-themom-harrington @lofaewrites @azreadytodie @thequeenrainacorn @pastel-dreamscape @importanttimemachinenerd @jehneeg @swagaliciousmarie @mightbeasleep @krazyperson @milkshakeflowercreator @fando-random @bumblebeecuttlefishes @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @fluffyreturns @scheodingers-muppet @wonderland-girl143-blog @briceslayed @youaremylobster @juststeddiebrainrot @pr3ttyb0yindie @scarlet-pandrian @drips-from-breaking-bones @plasticcrotches

I LOVE AND WILL MISS ALL OF YOU (That is unless you get tagged in the next fic ofc 😉)

[fideidefenswhore]

so tired of tudor dramas where there are no women… and even when there are women… there aren’t…ykwim?

[hanzajesthanza]

geralt is also a most real depiction of good quality fatherhood and great girldad representation because EVEN THOUGH witchers don’t even experience aging at the same rate as non-GMO humans, EVEN THOUGH it would be “biologically impossible,”

geralt having had been raising a pre-teen girl for maybe a few months to a year already “gave the impression of having aged,” his “face slashed by wrinkles.” the emotional toll on this man from raising she-devil ciri

and this is only the very beginning of the saga. BEFORE everything goes to shit. the wrinkles have set in

[werebutch]

Oversharing 💪

Probably insensitive but if my disabled dad cannot function well enough to heat his own food up in the microwave, take his cup to the sink, throw his trash in the garbage bin, what am i supposed to do? What is HE supposed to do ? And how much of this do i question without being an asshole? And seriously truly what the hell am i supposed to do?

I KNOW he can do the above things. He’s physically able, he can walk, but he has pain and will sometimes faint bc of blood sugar and stuff. But most of all he says he’s too weak to do that stuff. There was a time after he got out of the hospital + physical therapy where he was able to walk around and do stuff. It was difficult but he could still do things like walk around a grocery store or do dishes. Btw we have a dishwasher — when i say do dishes i mean just simply put them in the fucking dishwasher. Idk. He doesn’t manage his diabetes well at all, so he’s constantly in a state of crisis bc he neglects himself. Anyways. My question is, if he’s too weak to do that stuff anymore by living at home (he works from home, so he’s not even exerting energy by working. He’s on his phone most of the time anyway. Cleaning up after himself is pretty much the only thing i ask of him), why the fuck is he letting himself be that way. If it’s possible for him to not be as disabled as he is, why is he not trying even slightly to make it easier on himself? He hates being this way

He’s told me so many times how one day he’s gonna get more physical therapy done and he’ll be able to hike w us and stuff, which is smth we all like to do together. He’s holding himself back — im not saying this in the dumbass way where will can overcome all disability but i AM saying that there IS a realistic way for him to improve and yes, he is too depressed to do it, but he’s also a grown man who has his family begging for him to get somewhere with this . You don’t think I’m depressed too ? yet I still force myself to do all this because I care about my family. You’re grown. You have to choose at some point. After years and years of this and after so many people support you, i genuinely cannot sympathize with the idea that it’s out of his control anymore

What am i supposed to do? Am i just supposed to accept that he’ll never be able to do anything himself and just let him have that? I’m literally fulfilling the housewife role, physically with tasks, emotionally, and parentally, and it’s disgusting to me. He works from home all he does is sit at home apologizing to me over and over about not doing anything, but still not ACTUALLY being sorry enough to do anything about it. And ofc i say it’s ok bc what am i supposed to do. I’m tired of wrestling myself back and forth thinking im bad for expecting anything of him -> getting fed up with doing everything for him -> thinking im bad again. And yeah maybe one day out of every 2 weeks he’ll have a day where he’ll clean the kitchen or get all the trash up that he throws down by his chair and throw it away. It makes him feel good, it’s great. But as soon as it’s done, he continues not putting in any effort. You are tired from going to fucking Walgreens? From putting the clothes away that i washed dried folded and brought to your room? So you just throw them on the floor and now they’re mixed with the dirty ones so I have to wash everything again, because you can’t remember what’s clean ? And you’ve taught your (now adult! Adult!!!!!) kids to behave in this helpless way as well? Now they think they can scream in my face if i tell them to take the garbage out a second time because they didnt do it the first time i asked ?

If it’s true and you’re tired, then you need physical therapy. Walking to the kitchen should not wind you, your illnesses don’t explain that. It’s simply because you haven’t built your muscles up enough to do that, which I understand because it’s hard, but what the hell. Our insurance will cover it so there’s no reason not to. Also, my dad is known for being lazy even before he became this disabled, so how do I know what to question and what not to? I’ve caught myself being an asshole to him but I’m also tired of him choosing helplessness, it’s so hard. Obviously he is never going to be at full strength, i don’t expect that, i just expect him to pick up after himself and just help me a little. Please

And I don’t even know if my complaints are truly valid (hate that word but ok -__-) bc 1. Could be way worse like years ago and 2. Is it really that big of a deal to clean? Except yes it is and no one understands how disgusting a house can get unless you are in this situation . Detrimental effects on my mental health no matter if i choose to clean or not. So idk. Or the secret third thing which is most likely - I’ve been depressed for so long, houses we’ve had have always been gross + cluttered bc of mental illness in the family, so now as an adult my threshold for what i can stand is very small, bc it’s been built up this whole time with no breaks. So yes it’s bad here, but I feel so stressed bc of the history of it, not just current events... I just feel sooooo trapped lol like this has been going on forever and slowly I’ve regained control so now I solely control the house, which has improved it, but it’s also a huge stressor on me, because the more i take on, the more is expected of me. Like how my dad can’t microwave his own food or pick up his meds at the pharmacy drive thru. LOL

So much oversharing and idgaf if no one reads bc it’s embarrassing and probably pretty dumb like i could be dealing with sooo much worse lol but im so fed up and don’t feel like going to get my journal lol. So yep sorry bout that but GRRAAAAAHH!

My dad is not evil my family is not evil. They are depressed. Not evil thats unrealistic and cartoonish and i think if ur response to this is to say smth like that i understand but u may want to evaluate ur life and relationships. My family is depressed. I’m depressed. Thanks for trying to validate my experience but it makes me feel strange when people view my family as cartoon villains when literally everything is nuanced and I’m sure that from their perspectives, what they’re doing is rational. Humans ok lol but i am very frustrated

[oleanderspride]

Cartoonish blinking noises. Hi guys

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

'...you know jokes like those actually hurt me, right?'

"who said I was joking?"

.

.

.

'oh.'

[steampunk-raven]

Marjolein for the bingo, perhaps 👀

Blorbo from my spice cabinet <3

pw3!marjo would fall for an mlm scheme but only if sarah was the one running said scheme. Let’s pretend that counts as a bingo for me lol, even if I didn’t color in the square

[plaintext: but only if sarah was the one running said scheme]

[comixandco]

my favourite part of season 5 is still the reveal that Gabriel and Tomoe thought Adrien and Kagami made the perfect pair and wanted them to be together because it completely flips their relationship

Kagami and Adrien sneaking around and finding the slightest gaps in their schedule and giving their bodyguards/parents the slip to spend time together and feeling so clever that they’ve gotten away with it their parents don’t suspect a thing

only to smashcut to Gabriel and Tomoe doing an evil pound it because their ship is canon

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

[clownsnake]

I don’t think hyeonseong needed to remember dokja’s order to think about him if something goes wrong. I think he’s just always thinking abt dokja

and I love him for that

[theboost]

Happy to report that fdtdtv is still bad. Season 2 is so meandering and oddly paced. There are too many characters so at least one will disappear for an episode and you’ll be like “hey where did kate/freddie/scott/sex machine I guess go”. Shit kind of just happens but in a this tv show has 24 episodes a season and we’re not planning it all out kind of way except there are only 10 episodes so they really should have a plan. The vampire conspiracy stuff is like. So boring. season one was about being in a toxic platonic situationship and like it wasn’t always well acted but at least it was something. Season two is about the meandering “should I call them” phase and it SUCKS. Richie and Santanico are still terrible at acting but don’t worry they’re still in most of the show. THE DIALOGUE IS GENUINELY SO AWFUL ALL THE TIME. LIKE ITS SO LABORED AND REFERENCY AND ITS LIKE WHY ARE DROPPING AN IRON FIST REFERENCE. Sometimes Richie and Seth just explain the plots of movies. Which to be fair they’re just like me fr but it’s boring. They’re utterly uninterested in exploring vampire lore but they keep doing stuff with the snake shit which is a little cool. Seth isn’t even hot anymore. It’s a show that’s about morally ambiguous people doing awful things for their own goals except no one is actually a bad person except maybe Richie and Santanico but again they really suck. I will keep watching

[frascospecimen]

Wow

[simcardiac-arrested]

hey, i understand if you don't have the energy/motivation, and i don't want to force you. but i think you should consider exercising a little! even if its just 30 seconds. you might find that moving around actually makes you feel better than not moving! i personally get exercise in by (sometimes) pacing around when i'm deep in thought; maybe taking a walk outside and/or listening to a nice audiobook could work for you? (sorry if im making you uncomfortable! and feel free to call out bad behavior

i don’t think this is a weird or bad thing to say at all. thank you so much for this ask. like actually

[pollenallergie]

ignore everything i said back in late may/early june. i was hypomanic and, consequently, unreasonably angry for most of that time. 👍👍👍

[sleaze4sleaze]

Showing people movies you adore is mortifying. I hate it. After it ends I just want to say “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” and I hate asking “did you like it?” So I never do, so unless I’m told unprompted what they thought I’ll spiral thinking they hated it and had a bad time and think I’m crazy (I am. I’ll admit)

Uh. Mainly I’ll always remember the time my grandma asked me on my birthday last year if there were any movies I wanted to watch and I though maybe it would be nice to watch something with them and try to share the things I love the way they try to share the things they love especially with movies. But most my movies I adore and will watch on my birthday are like, not entirely grandparent friendly so I landed on Hot Rod because they made me watch Coneheads and Land of The Lost so I was like, surely this isn’t an awful choice. The movie ended and grandma turned to me and essentially said “that’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen” so. You can imagine why I struggle now