#do/did i have any emotional attachment to that house? nope. they literally only lived there for like two years.

[pollenallergie]

ignore everything i said back in late may/early june. i was hypomanic and, consequently, unreasonably angry for most of that time. 👍👍👍

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

Can I see ur monster Hunter au?/nf

I AM CACKLING AND RUBBING MY HANDS TOGETHER RN. I TOLD DAD I WOULD SLEEP SOON BUT I ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL SHOW YOU MY MONSTER HUNTER AU BEFORE THAT.

Okay okay so!!! Tommy!! He's in his last year of high school(totally not inspired off any real life events, nope, no siree), stressed about college applications, and able to "see ghosts". He can see waaaaaay more than just ghosts, but he doesn't know that yet.😀👍

Techno!! Tommy's ghostly older brother!!

Their parents were a**holes & didn't treat Techno very well, so as soon as he was legally able to, Techno broke all ties with them. He ended up getting involved with gangs and stuff, and was eventually killed. After his death he became a Vengeful Spirit(as the boys later learned) and tracked down his parents for revenge. HOWEVER when he arrived there was a literal baby in the house and oh look, Sperm Donor and Egg Donor are abandoning him. And Techno, after some internal conflict, came to the decision to stay with Tommy. It wasn't out of a brotherly protective instinct, not at first anyway. He just couldn't let an innocent baby die- the emotional attachment did happen though, and fairly quickly too😂

So yeah, now he's sticking with Tommy while he grows up in the orphanage.

The town & connected city is based on my own surrounding areas, and I set the orphanage in what is, in reality, an empty lot behind the local middle school. I have no idea if orphanages have, like, certain rules for where it can be located, but ehh whatever.😅👍

Tubbo!! Tommy's best friend since elementary school, and the only one who believes that Tommy can "see ghosts". He himself can't see sh!t, but he sometimes gets to see Techno floating tiny objects around- or, if he's really lucky, Techno scribbling with blood on bathroom mirrors. Techno's too tired to deal with all the shenanigans that will come with blood writing on mirrors, so he doesn't do that often, but he'll sometimes put on a show for his precious little bro and his best friend. Also I have Tubbo living in what is my own family's home in reality.👍 Well, minus the mold. There is so much mold. Help-

ANYWAY the plot!! It's Tommy and Tubbo's first day of being high school seniors, Tommy's homeroom tracher is apparently a new arrival at the school- and rumored to be the husband of beloved Earth Science teacher, Ms. Kristin Trix.

When Mr. Craft walks in though, Tommy is SHOOKETH bc dude has wings. Like, huge, inky black, feathery wings. Tommy already knows enough to be able to tell the difference between generally-visible phenomena and Ghost Stuff™️, and the wings are solidly in Ghost Realm™️. However it is supposed to be the Ghost Realm™️. Mr. Craft is not a ghost but he still has ghostly wings??? What????

And he KNOWS Mr. Craft is aware of them, because he just glanced at the space where Tommy can see Techno is standing, and his eyes definitely widened a bit before he recovered & smiled at the class.

Tommy is both confused and a little scared to be honest, and when he takes the bus home with Tubbo that night, Tubbo asks if Tommy wants to visit the local coffee shop(it's a Korean franchise coffee shop. Their cherry cola is immaculate.) with him.

I'm planning to make the AU into a multiple-choice game(? idk what they're called. What I'm thinking of is basically a dialogue choice game but it's not just dialogue you're choosing.), so there are two ways this can go. Either go with Tubbo & have a nice chat about high school and college (and ghosts) in the park next to the coffee shop, or head straight back to the orphanage. Tommy's inevitably getting ambushed by Phil either way tbh.

Phil attempts to stab Techno, and Tommy only realizes Phil was behind them because Techno yelled out. While most weapons don't work on Techno, charmed paper does keep him out of places/hurt him sometimes, and Phil's weapon(I haven't decided what to give him) is COVERED with them.

Techno ends up slightly hurt. Tommy, of course, is angry, and screams at Phil about it. Phil is Confusion™️ because. This is a Vengeful Spirit. This is a Vengeful Spirit that... protects this kid?? Not attempt to harm him??? And the Vengeful Spirit is actually able to follow this kid and not be stuck to whoever he's actually vengeful against- which goes against all the known rules of Vengeful Spirithood.

Techno: I'm here to love and protect my brother, which is my way of getting revenge on our Sperm and Egg Donors. I'm making sure Tommy has a good life, as best I can as a ghost.

Phil: IMPOSSIBLE. Also it's 'Vengeful Spirit' not "ghost".

There's an explanation to this, but that would come with the Endings, so, not spoiling that just yet👍

Also!!!! Monsters!!!! Korean monsters!!!! :D

I've currently included a 구미호(gumiho, nine-tailed fox)- who is Fundy actually😂😅 I'm basing him off the Fox Sister(여우 누이) folk tale. There's a reference to 어둑시니(darkness creatures, gets steadily bigger or snaller according to your perception of it, swallows and suffocates you whole if it gets big enough for it) too. Ranboo was nearly eaten by one before- which is why they can see monsters now.

People gain the ability to see monsters when a monster chooses to reveal itself to them. Nearly all the monster hunters have some sort of monster-related trauma bc of that. Niki with her brother(adopted or not, haven't decided yet) turning out to be a 구미호, Ranboo with the aforementioned literally-almost-consumed-by-the-darkness thing, Phil is. Fine actually. Bc Kristin is a Herald of Death(저승사자) and she's the one who did the initial reveal to him. He did get a good scare at first though.

Tommy's Opening of the Eyes happened thanks to Techno, a little after Tommy was abandoned. It was winter and super cold, but Techno thankfully managed to figure out how to control the temperature to be warmer, and he revealed himself to Tommy trying to comfort him & stop him from crying. Techno has no desire to be perceived by anyone other than Tommy though, which is why no monster reveal happened to the ppl at the orphanage, or at school.

Uhh yeah!! It's. 3:30 AM already. Oops.😅 I think I should probably be going, so I'll end it here for now.

Thank you for the ask♡♡♡♡

-Lilly xx

[peach-pops]

may i perhaps request a continuation of the suga, noya and kags hqs of them meeting ukais niece? like when they start datin and ukai catches them smoochin or just being gross🤢 and kinda stands there like 👁👄👁 if u dont want to just ignore this

Sorry this took sooooo long! This doesn’t have to be a continuation from the first one but if you guys want to check it out, it’s here!

Kageyama, Suga, and Noya Get Caught By Ukai

Kageyama 

Kageyama is not a fan of PDA and you may quote me on that

He can MAYBE handle hand holding underneath a table and if he’s feeling a bit bold, a quick kiss on the cheek in the hallways is a possibility only if no one is looking 

He wasn’t embarrassed of you but lets be real, he is always at practice or some volleyball event and it would be pretty awkward for him to start kissing his girlfriend when his coach, and also your uncle, is only a few feet away 

Your schedule was pretty jam-packed and that meant it was really hard for you to go to his games especially since Ukai expected you to run the store when he was off with the Karasuno boys

This meant that you hardly ever got to see Kageyama play but a part of him didn’t mind because that took less pressure off of him

Ohhhh boy but then the day came where you were able to go watch a game and of course, it had to be the most important one of the season. Shiratorizawa vs Karasuno 

That day, Kageyama was a complete mess for a number of reasons but to know that you were going to be at his game terrified him 

The game was intense and you were standing the whole time because you couldn’t bring your nerves down at all no matter how hard Saeko and Akiteru tried, you were a nervous wreck 

Wait this is separate from the hc but can we pls talk about HOW FUCKING HOT TSUKI’S OLDER BROTHER IS ??? 

Sorry anyway

To think that the first volleyball game you were seeing was the one to dictate whether or not your boyfriends team made it to nationals was insane but you had so much faith in the team that they would pull it off

You couldn’t even move when Karasuno won the last point. Hell, you even forgot to breath for a second but once you saw the team celebrate together on the court, you felt so proud because they really did the impossible

You shout for Kageyama and when he looks up to see you standing up in the bleachers, he has the BIGGEST smile on his face because holy shit THEY WERE GOING TO NATIONALS!!!!

HE’S CHEESIN SO HARD uwu

After the awards, you wait for Karasuno at the gymdoors and when Kageyama sees you, He runs over to you and literally sweeps you off your feet 

Kageyama doesn’t know if it’s from the adrenaline of the win or the absent nerves but all he wants to do is kiss you

So he does AHHHHH IN FRONT OF ALL HIS TEAMMATES

Tanaka and Noya are screaming their heads off their so proud !!! Suga is obviously shielding Hinata’s eyes 

He kisses you so hard as if it would be his last and it catches you off guard because um hello??? Who is this man kissing you?? 

this was the same Kageyama that gave you head pats instead of kisses when he was around his friends and now he’s kissing you as if his life depends on it

But you’re not complaining you’re a bit too busy at the moment trying to enjoy the moment

All he can think about is you; any other sound around him is completely muffled but once the two of you pull away for air, his smile drops so quickly and he almost drops you to the floor 

“ Tobio? What’s wrong-” You turn to look over to where he’s staring and your heart drops when you see your Uncle Ukai with his arms crossed

Kageyama stops breathing and he literally turns white cause he’s TERRIFIED AND SO EMBARRASSED 

Ukai is kinda weirded out more than anything because first off, he didn’t even think Kageyama showed any emotion besides anger or disinterest and second, he’s always known to be the ‘cool uncle’ 

Like should he really be yelling??? They’re just kids??? He did a lot worst stuff at his age-

“ It’s not what it looks-”

“ I think I’m just gonna…” Ukai kinda points off to the side and awkwardly steps around the two of you because he rather not think about his student and his niece kissing 

so he kinda gives Kageyama a pass? Not because it’s Kageyama you’re dating but just because emotions are so high and it’s like eh okay??

If anything, it would just be kinda awkward between Ukai and Kageyama during practice/school like just lil nods like “ okay I guess you’re dating my niece” and “ okay I guess I’m dating you’re niece”

Sugawara

Suga is just so sweet let me put that out there because it must be known

You two had only been dating for a short time but you both were already so comfortable with each other

He knows you work late some days at Ukai’s store so he always stops by after practice to check up on you and makes sure you ate dinner and that you were caught up with your homework

Tonight was no different as Suga walks in and sees you behind the register trying your best not to fall asleep

“ Ukai isn’t here?” 

“ Nope, he texted me and said he was going to stop by the house before coming over with dinner. I wish he would hurry up. I’m about to pass out” You yawned as Suga greeted you with a kiss on the cheek as you kicked over a stool so he could sit on the opposite side of the counter,” how was practice?”

“ Kageyama and Hinata got into it again during practice so you know, the usual. I missed you a lot today though, I feel like I hardly ever get to see you.” 

*Cue sad puppy dog Suga*

You two weren’t the type of couple to always be attached at the hip. You had your own things to do and so did he but that didn’t stop you both from missing each other

“ I know Koshi but at least you’re here now.”

You had a point, he cherished any time that the two of had together, even if it was only for a few minutes and now that he was with you, he could show you how much he missed you

Suga got rid of his pouty face and leaned over the counter to kiss you but this time, it was way different than any kiss the two of you shared before. His lips were so warm and you practically melted into him because you two hadn’t had time alone in a quick minute

Ukai was on his phone as he stepped into the store but when he looked up to see his niece smooching with one of his students, he was so freaked out he just shouted

“ WHA-HEY! NO KISSING WHILE WORKING!” 

You pushed Suga off of you but the force of your push sent you falling backwards in your chair and you landed on the ground with a thud

You groaned and held your head as Ukai and Suga peeked over the counter to make sure you were still alive,” Wah! You said you weren’t coming to the shop until later!” 

“ Change of plans, my Uncle senses were going crazy and I’m glad I listened to them! What if a customer walked in and saw two hormonal teenagers going at it?”

“ AIYA alright!” You shouted, feeling more embarrassed than before as you got off the floor. 

Suga was lowkey panicking cause he wasn’t even sure what to say. How could he even ease the tension between his girlfriend and coach ???? 

“ I uhm-” Suga started as Ukai looked over at him,” I’m sorry Ukai-san! I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N!” 

Suga bows respectfully as you and Ukai watch him leave the store. Once he’s gone, Ukai only laughs and grabs an apron from the hook. 

“ Why are you laughing? You basically traumatized him!” 

“ A little fear never hurt anybody but good job, you managed to pick a decent guy for once,” You uncle teased as he patted your head and started to sweep the store

Ukai was definitely protective of who you dated and he had a suspicion that you were going out with someone but now that he knew it was Suga out of all people, he wasn’t worried at all 

Of course, he could never say that outloud because again, fear keeps guys in check 

Nishinoya 

Oh god okay 

You live with your uncle Ukai because your parents always traveled a lot for work and since Ukai is literally the coolest uncle in the world, you liked living with him

He would’ve let you live with him anyway but because you offered to help him out at the store, it kinda stuck and that’s how you got into helping him out

Noya and you had been dating for a while now and while Ukai knew the two of you were together, he never really brought it up because a big part of him didn’t even want to acknowledge the fact that his niece was with someone as crazy as Noya

But again, if you and Ukai didn’t bring it up then that’s just the way it is

You and Noya were always pretty busy and since you barely saw each other during the day, you would sneak Noya into your room late at night just to makeout cuddle whatever

And just like any other day, you opened up your bedroom window as Noya carefully climbed in, being extra careful not to make any noise

Now you two hadn’t spent quality time with each other in sooooo long and again, two hormonal teenagers that are touch starved is bound to happen. This is basically a long-winded way to say that it was obvious you two would makeout

No matter how heated the makeout sessions would get, that’s all they would ever be because you two both wanted to wait before taking it to the next level 

99% of the time Noya would take off his shirt and today was no different. Your hands were tugging at his hair as his body hovered over yours as your lips moved against each other

Even in the dark, he always told you how pretty you were cause he’s a goob and you would just smile and get back to kissing him 

Noya inhaled deeply because this is what pure bliss felt like and he couldn’t be happier being so close to you

“ Hey Y/N, tomorrow I need-” Ukai barged right in and turned the lights on as his eyes landed straight on a shirtless Noya on top of you 

“ WHAT THE HELL-”

You screamed as Noya rolled off of you and was frantically trying to find his shirt while avoiding eye contact with Ukai

Through all of the panic, Ukai looked down and saw the shirt on the floor. He just picked it up and threw it at Noya’s head,” Get dressed, and both of you see me downstairs.” 

Noya gulped because he knew he was going to get his ass beat and even when Ukai left your room, Noya turned to you with sad eyes

“ If I don’t make it back alive, I want you to know how much I love you. Tell Tanaka I’m sorry.”

“ Yu, I think you’re being dramatic…”

The whole time you and Noya were panicking, Ukai was losing his mind because he knew what he had to talk about with you and he reallyyyyyy wasn’t ready for it 

Once you two made it downstairs, you both sat down on opposite sides of the couch 

Ukai might’ve looked pissed on the outside, and he was, but he was just so uncomfortable. He didn’t know if it was really his place to bring the birds and the bees but as the adult in the room, it was now his responsibility. 

“ You guys realize I have to give you the talk now right?”

“ Uncle Ukai please-”

“ You brought this upon yourself.”

[capcarolsdanver]

Why Her? (Part 3)

Summary: This fic is based off a request from an anon after some speculations that have been made on my blog. Brie enlists the help of the reader to get a date with a girl that reader knows from class, only for unexpected feelings to be caught. Drama/angst/fluff to come! Pairing: Brie x Reader

A/N: Part 3 is here! Apologies for the slight delay! The next and final part should be out soon! As usual, any feedback is much appreciated, so I look forward to hearing what you think! Enjoy!

Please do not repost my writing anywhere without my permission.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 4

“Wait, you’ve never seen Star Wars?!”

Brie has to literally shout for you to hear her over the loud thumping of the music that fills the room around you, though her apparent outrage at your new admission is evident. You shake your head and laugh as she continues to look at you incredulously.

“None of them?”

You take a brief glance around to see if anyone else is paying attention to the outburst you’re being subjected to, though none of your fellow partygoers seem to pay you or Brie any mind.

“Nope,” you confirm again. Brie stares at you in disbelief for a few more seconds, almost as if she is personally offended by your revelation. In fact, the longer she stares at you, the more you’re convinced that she does feel personally offended.

“Well, we’re gonna have to fix that, then,” she says with such determination that you’re actually a little worried what she would do if you tried to disagree with her.

Since you had first introduced Brie to Sarah about two weeks ago, you both have attended another two parties together, this being the second. During those two weeks, you and Brie have grown a lot closer, texting each other constantly and even hanging out every couple of days. Of course, you’re still helping her with Sarah, and you have to remind yourself of that every now and again.

It’s hard for you to admit to yourself that Brie is probably the person you are the closest to now when you are highly aware that the reason for that is because you’re trying to help her get another girl. Who knows how Brie views your relationship, and who knows what will happen between the two of you when she does inevitably get that date with Sarah.

You’re pulled from the rabbit hole your thoughts had managed to take you down when Sarah herself suddenly appears in front of you and Brie.

“Oh my god, I’m running into you guys again?!” She exclaims instead of a more formal greeting, a large grin on her face.

“Small world,” you reply, and return the warm hug that Sarah envelops you in, a greeting that you’ve grown used to from Sarah. You watch her then turn to Brie and crush her in a hug too. You would laugh at the sudden shock and panic evident on Brie’s face if it weren’t for the uncomfortable feeling that hits your entire body at that very moment.

Brie is late to wrap her own arms around Sarah, who seems entirely unfazed by Brie’s awkwardness as she steps back again to regard you both. You notice that her skin is flushed, the expression on her face perhaps a little too laidback, and she takes a large sip from the cup that you only now realise she’s holding.

Sarah is drunk. Very drunk, if the slight sway of her body despite her standing in one spot is any indication.

She surveys the space around her, her body dramatically twisting around with the movement, and she looks back at you and Brie with excitement in her eyes.

“Let’s dance!” She proclaims eagerly. You and Brie share a quick look while Sarah downs the rest of her drink and unceremoniously drops her plastic cup to the ground. She grabs you both and drags you towards the overcrowded group of people who appear to be attempting to move in sync to the beat. Although, it looks like most are too drunk, or just simply have no sense of rhythm whatsoever.

Sarah doesn’t give you a chance to protest before she joins the flock of people and starts moving her body to the music. You hazard a glance at Brie, who still looks shell-shocked at the sudden turn of events. You also can’t help but notice the distinct direction of Brie’s gaze, her eyes obviously landing on Sarah’s ass as she dances in front of you, seemingly in her own world. That same uncomfortable feeling washes over you again and you frown at whatever reaction your body seems to be having without your permission.

You purposefully advert your gaze from the scene unfolding in front of you. Suddenly feeling like a major third wheel, you decide that maybe it’s a good time to leave Sarah and Brie on their own. You can’t be a buffer between them forever after all.

Without another glance at either of the two girls, you turn away from them and begin pushing through the thick crowd of people towards a more open space. You noticed earlier that the house has a wrap-around porch. Maybe you can go there for some fresh air now.

On your way, your arm catches on something, or more accurately, someone. You’re pulled to a stop a you let out a deep sigh, getting ready to ward off any unwanted to advances from some drunk frat boy that you expect to find attached to you.

You turn around in a flash, your deep scowl quickly fading from your face when you realise that it’s Brie who has a hold of your arm. You freeze, watching her. Her eyes move over you, her features laced with concern and she tightens her grip on you, leaning her body towards you. She stops once her face is practically right next to your ear so you can hear her.

“Are you okay?” She asks. Despite having to somewhat raise her voice still, her tone is surprisingly gentle. You realise you aren’t actually sure how to answer her question. It’s obvious you’re going through some kind of emotional reaction, though you aren’t quite sure what to make of it just yet.

Brie waits a long beat, and when you don’t answer she leans back so she can look at you again. She observes you for another few moments before she seems to make up her mind about something, her hand dropping from your forearm to your hand.

“Come on,” she says and tugs you to walk with her towards the porch you originally were headed towards.

She pushes the sliding door open and shuts it again when you have both made it outside and you’re surprised by how much the door drowns out the sound of the ridiculously loud music. Suddenly in a much more open, quiet space, you feel like you can actually breathe again.

“What’s wrong?” She asks. She’s still watching you carefully, and you begin to wonder just how fragile you must look given her reaction. Damn your stupid emotions. “Did something happen?”

“No,” you breathe out, shaking your head, willing this rogue feeling inside of you to go away. “I’m fine.” You lock eyes with her in an attempt to convince her. Judging from the expression on her face, you don’t do a great job of that.

It’s silent for another minute when something suddenly crosses your mind. “Wait, why did you come after me? You had Sarah dancing basically on top of you.” This time it’s her turn to drop eye contact and she shrugs lightly.

“I was worried about you.” You’re taken aback by how sincerely she speaks. “I mean, you just up and left.”

In truth, you hadn’t even expected her to notice your absence after you saw the way she was watching Sarah. The fact that she immediately realised you’d left and then followed you to make sure you were okay is actually remarkable to you, considering the circumstances.

“Well I’m okay,” you assure her, squeezing the hand that’s still clasped in your own before letting go and dropping your own hand back to your side. “You wanna go find her again?” You nod behind you towards the door and Brie’s eyes follow, glancing passed your shoulder.

She considers it for a second before shaking her head. “No, it’s okay.” You blink at her, not expecting that. She notices your surprise and jumps back in to explain herself further. “It’s getting pretty late now so I think it’s a good time to go. Besides, she’s drunk. She probably still hasn’t realised we’ve left her on the dance floor yet.”

You laugh at that, figuring that she could actually be right. Sarah did seem pretty out of it. You doubt she’ll remember much of tonight.

You agree with Brie, eager to leave the party as well. Brie walks with you back to your dorm, which is thankfully only a short walk, before you bid her farewell and watch her walk in the direction of her own apartment.

————————

The following Friday, you’re trying to force your brain to pay attention in your morning class when you phone vibrates on your desk, easily pulling your attention away from your professor.

You see a new text from Brie waiting for you.

“Are you free tonight?”

You sigh, expecting yet another invite to a party to help Brie out with Sarah. You personally haven’t heard anything about any parties she’d be attending that night, but maybe Brie had.

“I don’t have any grand plans if that’s what you’re asking”

You don’t even bother to put your phone back down. You’ve learnt by now that Brie is a quick replier.

“Okay great!! Movie night??”

You stare down at your phone for far too long. It definitely had not been the text you were expecting from her. You of course consider Brie at least a close friend at this point, but you weren’t sure Brie considered anything similar about you.

“Where?”

“How about my apartment?”

Again, you’re slightly surprised. Over the admittedly short few weeks of friendship you and Brie share together, Brie had only seen your dorm room once when you had to run back up there after forgetting something before one of the parties you’d gone to. You still haven’t even seen the building that Brie lives in.

You consider your answer for a moment. It briefly occurs to you that this might just end up being another planning session, but the prospect of spending more time with Brie has you agreeing before you really even give yourself time to think too much about it.

“Sure”

————————

You stare at the apartment door, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. Though, it seems to be a more and more common feeling the longer whatever you have with Brie goes on. You step forward to knock on the door and then step back, surveying the hallway while you wait.

There’s nothing out of the ordinary, and you find yourself feeling glad that Brie is living in what seems to be a clean, safe apartment building. You had admittedly been worried when you first arrived, as the building itself doesn’t seem to have any lock or security feature to stop strangers from waltzing into the building whenever they please. Those fears seem to dissipate slightly, though, when you see no reason to worry by the state of the interior of the building thus far.

An older woman steps out of her own apartment a few doors over and notices you, offering you a smile before heading in the opposite direction down the hall. The people here seem nice, too.

The door in front of you swings open and Brie is greeting you with a wide smile.

“Hey!” She pulls you into a hug. You’re not quite expecting it but you happily return the hug. “Come in,” she says and steps back to give you room to walk through the doorway and into her apartment.

It’s not the greatest apartment you’ve ever seen, but it’s a major improvement over the tiny shoebox you call a dorm room. The apartment is mostly one big open space, the kitchen to the left of the entrance and the living area to the right. It looks like there’s a small hallway straight ahead that must lead to the bedroom and bathroom.

“It’s not much,” she says, watching you take in the new space around you.

“I love it!” You reply, shooting a reassuring smile her way before you continue scanning the apartment. You can see that her living room area to the far right is perfectly set up for movie-watching, with a ridiculously comfortable looking couch, a couple of bean bags and some plush throw blankets neatly folded over the back of the couch.

She also has a couple of gaming consoles and their respective games all stacked neatly within the TV cabinet underneath her large television. You smile at the insane amount of Nintendo games you see.

What an absolute dork you’ve managed to make friends with.

“Did you bring popcorn?” She excitedly asks, noticing the bag of microwave popcorn in your hand that you’d bought on your way to her place. She grabs it from you and looks at the bag to confirm what it is.

“Of course,” you nod. “What would a movie night be without popcorn?”

“I like the way you think,” she laughs, dropping the bag on the kitchen counter. “I’ve ordered some pizza too, so once that gets here we can officially start the night!”

You silently thank whatever higher power is out there when you realise that Brie appears to be planning on taking the night off of the whole Sarah thing too.

She walks over to the couch and drops down onto it and you join her, sitting towards the other side of the couch. You’re unsure of the appropriate distance you should sit from her so decide on a relatively safe distance. Not too far but not too close. The couch is just as comfortable as it looks and you practically melt into it.

“So what are we watching?” You ask and Brie hits you with an expectant look, as if you should know the answer already.

“Star Wars, obviously. Duh,” she says matter-of-factly. “I told you I’d make you watch them.” You snort at her how serious she turns at the mention of Star Wars, and raise your hands defensively in front of you.

“Okay, okay. Star Wars it is. I’m too scared to try to make you put something else on.”

Her serious look suddenly brightens and she smirks at you. “That’s what I thought,” she says in a playfully menacing kind of way and you chuckle at her.

Yep, an absolute dork.

There’s a knock on at the door that grabs your attention and Brie jumps up to her feet again.

“Must be the pizza! Gimme one sec.”

Brie hurries off to the door and answers it, chatting politely to the delivery guy on the other side of the door, and a moment later she closes the door again and walks back over to the couch, looking all kinds of pleased with herself over the pizza in her hands.

She throws open the pizza box and eagerly grabs a slice, taking a bite. You grab your own slice as well, just as eager as Brie. While she continues munching on her pizza, she grabs her TV remote and gets the movie ready.

“Are you ready for the most incredible cinematic experience of your life?”

You roll your eyes at her playfully and hold back a laugh at the intense look on her face. “Just play the damn thing, would you?” You say, which does earn you a glare from Brie, but she decides not to retaliate in favour of playing the movie. She puts on A New Hope.

To your surprise, you actually do enjoy the film. Although, you do have to ask a lot of questions throughout the entire thing to understand everything that’s going on. To Brie’s credit, though, she doesn’t seem at all annoyed by your non-stop questions. She seems more happy that you’re actually trying to pay attention and understand it than anything.

“So?! What did you think?” Brie asks when the credits start rolling, turning to you and expectantly awaiting your response.

“I liked it,” you confirm, smiling when Brie grins at you. “But where was the little green guy? Isn’t he, like, one of the main characters?”

Brie’s grin drops so quickly that you almost flinch. “The little green guy?!” She exclaims. “You mean Yoda?”

“Yeah, him!” You light up with recognition of his name. Brie looks completely dumbfounded.

“I can’t believe you forgot Yoda’s name. Everyone knows who Yoda is.” She shakes her head at you, truly looking speechless. “Luckily for you, he’s in Empire Strikes Back.” You blink at her, a completely blank look on your face, and she narrows her eyes at you. “It’s the next movie in the series,” she explains.

You nod your head in understanding, quietly enjoying how frustrated she seems to be getting by your complete lack of knowledge of all things Star Wars.

“Let me go get some popcorn ready and then we’ll put it on,” she says and stands from the couch again. “Do you want anything else?”

“No thanks, I’m good,” you smile and watch her head to the kitchen.

Your attention is pulled away when you hear your phone vibrate on the couch beside you. You pick it up and check your new notification, frowning at the screen.

It’s an invite to some last minute party one of your peers has decided to throw tonight. You do get these kinds of invites a lot, and you know practically the entire student body usually gets sent the same invite, so you quickly click on the link to take you to the event page for the party.

You click on the list of people who have confirmed their attendance and you feel your frown deepen when you see Sarah on that list.

Brie returns to the couch where you’re still staring at your phone and notices the frown on your face before she even sits back down.

“Is everything okay?” She asks.

“Hm?” You look up at her, snapping yourself back into reality. “Oh. Yeah.” You sigh before aiming the phone screen in her general direction. “Turns out someone’s throwing a party tonight.” You try to add some kind of lilt to your voice but you know it falls flat.

“Oh,” Brie says, barely paying any mind to your phone screen before flopping back down onto the couch, closer to you now than she was before. She looks remarkably unbothered by the event page open on your phone.

“Looks like Sarah is gonna be there,” you say, studying her face. All she does is nod vaguely at your words, and then she’s picking up her TV remote again like she doesn’t even register what you’ve said.

“Okay, are you ready for Episode V?” You blink at her for a moment, watching for any kind of rogue emotion on her face, but seeing no signs of any.

“You don’t want to go to the party?”

“Not really,” she shrugs with one shoulder. “I’d honestly rather we just stay here tonight.” Her eyes flick over to you, showing the first signs of emotion you’ve seen since you brought up the party. “Did you want to go?”

“No,” you easily answer, and you mentally scold yourself for answering so quickly, but your answer seems to please Brie. You notice the hint of a smile at the corner of her lips and she looks back at the TV.

“Good,” she mutters. She presses play on the movie and leans back into the couch, offering the bowl of popcorn out to you. You grab some and find yourself leaning back and making yourself more comfortable, too.

You let yourself forget about the party, at least for now. If Brie would really rather stay here watching movies with you instead of dragging you along to yet another party so you can help her talk to another girl, then by all means you’re thrilled to go along with it.

You still have more questions to ask throughout the movie so you can follow along, but you do at times find yourself a little distracted by the gap between yours and Brie’s bodies that seems to be growing smaller and smaller as the movie goes on.

By the time you’re halfway through watching Return of the Jedi, your thigh is pressed against Brie’s and her head is resting on your shoulder, tucked slightly into your neck. You realise she’s asleep somewhere towards the end of the movie, and it’s not long after that you find yourself drifting to sleep too.

————————

You wake up the next morning to sunlight filtering in through the windows, pleasantly warming your skin as it reaches you. You let out a content sigh, stretching your arms out and snuggling further into the throw blanket that’s been draped over you.

Your eyes suddenly open the second you remember where you are. You’re alone on the couch now, lying down, no longer in the seated position you remember being in last night. You sit up, glancing around Brie’s apartment from your spot on the couch.

Everything seems very still, and you wait for any signs of someone else in the apartment, only to be met with complete silence. You stand up from the couch, dropping the blanket back down and take careful steps through the apartment, almost too scared to disrupt the quiet of the morning.

You don’t exactly feel comfortable making yourself at home by walking through Brie’s apartment wherever you like, but you do glance down the hallway, looking through the open bedroom door to find no signs of Brie.

You make your way back to the kitchen counter, hoping for some kind of clue as to where Brie could have gone to. Luckily, you find it; a piece of paper with a handwritten letter that you assume is meant for you.

“Morning Sleepy Head,

Was in need of some coffee so I’m heading to the diner down the street. Come meet me there once you’re awake. I’ll order us some pancakes!

xx Brie”

You assume she’s referring to the diner you and her had previously met up at to discuss the Sarah plan. Now that you think about it, you do realise that the diner is incredibly close to Brie’s apartment. That certainly explains why she likes to go there so frequently.

You smile to yourself as you read over the letter again. Your feelings towards Brie had grown confusing, but they were starting to become more and more clearer. So you can’t help but wonder if the fact that Brie wants to spend even more time with you means anything significant or if you’re just reading into things.

You move quickly, trying to make yourself at least somewhat presentable given that you’re still in the clothes you showed up in last night, and leave Brie’s apartment to head to the diner.

It’s only a short walk, and you don’t even allow yourself to overthink anything before you walk into the diner and start scanning for Brie. You spot her standing near the same table in the far corner that she was at the last time you were here. Only, you abruptly realise, she isn’t alone.

Standing opposite her is Sarah. The two of them are chatting animatedly, laughing among themselves. At one point Sarah reaches out and touches Brie’s forearm mid-laugh, and you can do nothing but watch their interaction from a distance.

The smile that you don’t even realise is on your face drops and you only watch them for another couple of seconds, but that short time makes you second-guess everything. Your heart sinks in such an indescribable way that you almost start worrying that you can’t breathe for a moment.

Without even thinking about it, you’re already turning to leave, just at the same moment that Brie looks your way and notices you. She goes to wave at you but instead her brows furrow as she watches you turn and hurry towards the door you had only just entered through.

In the back of your mind you register her shouting your name, but there’s only one thought that demands every ounce of your attention, repeating itself over and over again.

Why her?

[justsomefluff]

Hi hun! I love your work so much! I was wondering if you could do ATEEZ reacting to finding out you still sleep with your baby blanket? I still sleep with mine and I’m 19 and I’m throughly embarrassed about it 😅 thank you so much!!!

Okay thats endearing af so don't be embarrassed!!! Also this is kinda short bc I was getting really soft and I could've written forever but I couldn't let myself go there lmao

Hongjoong: 

(ok this gif doesn't really match but it’s so funny wtf)

The second he finds out you still have your blanket he’s like... I’d die for you

Like he loves that you have that innocent, meaningful part of your life still with you

Joong loves that it shows your soft side, that only he gets to see

It really shows him that you are a sentimental person and he’s like “I hope she keeps me forever like that blanket uwu”

Loves and I mean LOVES when he finds you sleeping with it

Whether he caught you in the middle of a nap, or maybe you went to bed earlier than he did

He sees that and it’s cuddle time

Doesn’t like to disturb your sleep though so he’ll just very gently wrap himself around you and brush your hair out of your face

Just a lot of soft touches until he falls asleep too

Seonghwa:

Mama Hwa activated

you’ve got a baby blanket, and youre already his baby? Perfect for his need to parent

Like he’ll still be boyfriend goals but he’s also gonna treat you like a toddler sometimes

Not in a bad way, I mean like he’s gonna tuck you in and sing you to sleep and all that stuff an actual mom would do

He just cant help himself, I mean really you need to go easy on him

He’s too soft around you

Like he might die if you get any cuter, cut it out!!!

And he always makes sure you have the blanket the way you like it before you sleep

Like if you just wanna hold it? Cool he’s got you. If you wanna wrap up in it...Also cool!

Will take care of all your blankie needs without question

Just wants to give you the world :’)

Yunho:

the second he finds out about your blanket he’s gonna wanna get a matching one

“Wtf why” 

“so I can have a piece of you when im on tour” and your hearts just goes POOF

and so he finds one super similar (not necessarily identical but its one that works)

becomes just as attached to his new blanket at you are to yours

takes it everywhere

but its so cute like you guys will be cuddled on the couch each with your respective blanket omg

and the guys find you all the time like passed out with your blankies and holding hands and stuff

they’ll take pictures of you two to tease you about it but you guys secretly save every single photo

it’s just perfect lock screen material really

Yeosang:

Teases you at first, I can’t even lie about that

but it’s not mean or anything it’s more like “you love that blanket more than me” kind of thing

but eventually he just sees it as a part of you

and if you’re ever not holding it, it’s so jarring to him

like “where's the blanket this is so weird you look naked we gotta go get it”

it always puts a smile on his face though

like if you ever have to go somewhere that you cant or don't want to bring it to, then he’ll stay home and secretly bury his face in it

it becomes a comfort thing for him too bc it smells so much like you

if you ever catch him smelling it he’ll be like “I WAS JUST SEEING IF MAYBE WE NEED TO WASH IT”

he’s embarrassed but you’re endeared to no end

you’ve totally got at least one picture of him with it somewhere bc I mean... your two fav things on earth in one pic?

magical

San:

I WAS SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS ONE AH

Okay San relates heavy bs you’ve got your blankie and he’s got Shiber

Will send you pics of Shiber wrapped up in your blankie like bro :’(

And you guys will stuff both Shiber and your blanket in between you and hug at the same time

Because lets face it, nothings gonna get in the way of cuddles alright I don't make the rules

And one night he’ll be like “let’s trade for today”

but then five minutes in both of you are like “nope nope we gotta switch back I cant do this”

but you both think it’s really funny low-key and end up laughing at each other’s inability to sleep without your favorite thing

he’s so sweet to you about it though like if you’re ever sad, he knows exactly what to bring to make you feel better

uses the blanket constantly and whenever you’re at home he always has it for you

like you sit down in another room for two seconds and he’s like

“You left this in the bedroom” and throws it at you

and he’ll get Shiber too bc “they’re friends”

overall he’s just so cute about it and genuinely understands the need to have something like that around

Mingi:

(^ him practicing his keynote speech on why you should cuddle with him instead)

Okay Mingi’s a big baby about it 

like he gets it but he’s low-key (read: highkey) jealous of the blanket right

“Cuddle me insteadddd”

won't let you live like fr

never tries to take it from you or anything though

just wants you to prioritize cuddles with him is all

will literally take advantage of any moment that you don't have it right

like if you're on the couch watching a movie he’s basically in your lap

if that’s your emotional support blanket then you’re his emotional support human okay

“why do you need an emotional support blanket when I can be your emotional support Kpop boy?”

“Mingi, I don't think that’s how it works” (I mean can he really still be your emotional support Kpop boy if he's already your bf? how’s that work?)

he eventually figures out a way to get his cuddles though

he just compromises and sleeps under the blanket with you

“Why didn’t I think of this before it’s perfect?” 

“Maybe bc you're an idiot” 

cue play fighting that leads to smoochies under the blanket

Wooyoung:

Ok this one is problematic for you

because he likes to borrow it

“Wooyoung-ah, that’s MINE”

he has the “mom says it’s my turn” attitude lmao

like no. it’s not your turn if it’s not YOURS...I digress

he gets so annoying about it that you cave and buy him his own blanket

it’s not even close to the same kind as yours, but you got one in his fav color and everything so he’s really excited about it

covers your face in kisses to show his gratitude

but he immediately washes it with the special detergent you use so that it’ll still smell like yours

and he turns into Linus from Charlie Brown you know?

never washes his blanket and takes it literally everywhere

if you wash it for him he won't talk to you for like a whole day lmao

“But it had to be done. Wooyoungie, it was for the greater good”

“Shut up”

but he’s secretly really happy that the detergent smell is back bc it reminds him of you awwww

so basically he picked up your habit really fast and it just sticks

Jongho:

tell me why Jongho is protective of your blanket

jk, I know why

it’s bc he knows you’d be devastated if anything ever happened to it

he’s always chaperoning you like “Jagiya, don’t eat that rn you’ll get crumbs on your blanket”

or “be careful not to spill that on your blanket, bb”

like “Jongho...sweetheart...I GOT IT”

and if anything ever happened to it, like it gets stained or ripped or something

he’s already googling how to fix it

acts like a surgeon “ok, we need to be very gentle with this stain” “cut the thread very precisely”

so dramatic, but it’s cute because you know he’s only like that to make sure you’re happy and have everything you need

like three months after he finds out that you have the blanket he’s basically a certified tailor and stain-remover

perfect house-wife when it comes to your blankie lmao

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #446

“so you can throw me to the wolves  /  tomorrow i will come back, leader of the whole pack”

Favourite cheese? American. Superman or Batman? I know literally nothing of Superman, but I like Batman. Who are your best friends? The only person I consider a best friend is Sara. Name the 3 most important people in your life: My mom, Sara, and... I suppose myself since I cherish my mental health VERY deeply. Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? No. Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? In my personal opinion, yes. I do believe it's possible to be "overly" flirty, considering you can really lead people on. It's a she. Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. No. Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? No. I'm really not into that. What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? I think the most disgusting thing anyone can do is commit rape. Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? I feel teleportation is obviously more convenient and useful in dangerous situations. Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? LKJFL;AKSDJFKLASJDLFKA;WE NOOOOOOOOOO. I am WAY too terrified of tornadoes to watch that. Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Hurricane Floyd was pretty devastating. I was too young to really remember it, though. Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? She probably did. What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? BOJANGLE'S, AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? I mean, it's possible, but I don't know. Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I didn't know they stopped. Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I couldn't possibly care less, it's a natural bodily function. Just because of societal standards though, I don't burp in public, though, but only around family and close friends. What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Anything like rap that has a STUPIDLY loud bass that just annoys everyone within a ten mile radius. When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? A year or two ago, for my nephew. No one else was free to watch him, so I had no choice. Nothing bad happened, besides nearly having a panic attack. Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No. Even Sara and I don't do it, because I'm too self-conscious of how I look. Even though she's seen me plenty before irl. Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Well, I majored in biology briefly... I wanted to be a wildlife biologist. I just adore animals and thought I could do it. I just couldn't handle school. When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? I'm not especially close to any of my cousins. Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? Yessss! is writing something that you enjoy doing? Definitely. Would you rather read or write? Write. Would you rather draw or take photographs? If I wind up being very proud of the product, I prefer drawing, but I take pictures far more. When was the last time you cheated at something? I have no clue. Has anyone ever copied off of your homework assignments? I think so? Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? ... *stares at my folder labelled "Mark"* What would you consider your favorite holiday? Why is this? Christmas. I love the whole vibe of it. The weather, the smells, the treats, my niece's and nephew's excitement... I adore all the lights and decorations, the gratefulness for family and your loved ones in general... I just love Christmas. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? I'd say my hips are normal. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? God no. Not anymore. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? Nope. How many times have you seen Star Wars? Be honest. Once. I didn't like it. Has your best friend ever made you cry? Yes. But in her defense, we've both made the other cry. Have you ever entered a talent competition? God no, I ain't got shit to flaunt. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? I only ever wear black for both of those. What is your favourite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My Markiplier tattoo, actually. What do you think of your best friend’s ex? One I REALLY don't like, the other I'm neutral about. Are you biracial? No. Do you have Pop-Tarts in your house right now? No. We try to not buy them, given they're just TOTALLY empty calories. They don't fill me at all. Is anyone’s birthday coming up? No. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? I LOVE sour candy. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Alaska, to see the Northern Lights. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I haven't driven in well over a year. Hell, maybe two. But no, because I'd need prescription sunglasses. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah. What time do you usually have dinner? 5:30-6:30, usually. What’s your favourite meat? Chicken, I think. What is your favourite meal of the day and why? Breakfast. I just enjoy breakfast foods. What colour is your shampoo? White. Tell me a silly little old wive’s tale you believed when you were a child: My older sister got me to believe that if you said a word a ridiculous amount of times, it'd be the only word you knew how to say anymore, lmao. Shut up, I was little. What was the last magazine you bought? Do you subscribe to any? I don't buy magazines. Whose Facebook profile did you last look at? Was there anything that caught your attention? Uh, that's a good question. Do you regret your last relationship? Not at all. What’s better, mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes? Mashed potatoes, though I'm picky with them and the texture. Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes, or pie with your grandma? No. Do you like kids? Not especially. They ask too many questions and can be really rude, even though I know they usually don't mean to be. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Dino Crisis 2. I finished her playthrough of Final Fantasy X, so now I feel a void in my soul that I am trying to fill with a new series lmao. Do you burn incense? Not really anymore. I'm not against it, I just... haven't. What is your favorite kind of cracker? Cheese-Itz. Can you name a single song by Billy Joel without looking it up? Yeah; I can name a few, actually. My dad loves Billy Joel, so I heard him a lot growing up. "Piano Man" is a classic. Do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? I actually really like the Jolly Rancher ones. Have you ever been kissed while sitting atop the hood of a car? That's actually possible... but I'm not sure. I think I have a faint memory of lying on a car hood with Jason before. What do you think is the dumbest/tackiest piercing? I don't like calling a piercing either of those, like if they make someone feel more confident and attractive, good for them. I can say I'm personally not a fan of the smiley piercing, though. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. When I was a kid at a birthday party, though, one of the girls did. Does your mother still take care of you if you get ill? She helps a lot, yeah. What is one song that always brings back memories every time you hear it? Honestly, too many. I attach way too aggressively to songs. Do you currently have any pimples? Not currently, no. Did anything disturb your sleep at all last night? Ugh, yes. I couldn't sleep for shit. How does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? I have only seen one picture of Jason with the girl he dated after me and it. Set. Me. On. Fucking. Fire. It's pathetic. If you’re not in college, why? All it did was give me emotional breakdowns. What do you think about MTV? I am way too out of the loop on what goes on on any TV channel to answer this. What was your very first day of your very first job like? What’d you do? How long did it take you to get the hang of it, and feel comfortable with working? This was waaaay too long ago... All I remember is actually being hopeful, though nervous. I never got to the point of feeling comfortable there. Or at any job. If you have a dog, are they friendly to strangers or other dogs? We don't have a dog, but we do have a cat that is EXTREMELY skittish around strangers. Someone he doesn't know comes through the door? He's bolting to hide. Do people ever comment on or joke about your driving? Well, I got flipped off once by a driver, so... I'd consider that a silent comment. I, to this day, don't know why they (it was a group of guys) did it, but it's stuck with me. What was the last thing to move you? Are you easily moved or inspired? The ending of FFX alsdkfjkaljlkwjer. And yes. If you`ve ever seen your very favorite band, did you cry when you saw them? Was it like a dream come true? If you`ve never seen them, do you think you would? I haven't, but I probably would a little bit. Of all the reality competitions you’ve watched, who are some of your all-time favorite contestants and what shows were they from? From America's Got Talent, I adore(d) Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., as well as Prince Poppycock. I keep up with them both on Facebook. Ever had a friend named Alex or John? One of my closest online friends was Alex. A couple years ago she just... got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the earth. Are you happy with your relationship status? I mean... no, I'm ridiculously lonely, but being single is for the best right now. What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? Just ketchup and mustard. Have you ever been in a spelling bee? No. What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? Mom absolutely always assumes she's right. Dad repeats himself like CRAZY. Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Actually, the doctors couldn't determine mine (or any of Mom's kids') because my legs were ALWAYS crossed when they did ultrasounds. Mom says she "knew" I was a girl, though. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I'm addicted to caffeine, yes. Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? Hm, I dunno. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have very severe sleep apnea that results in very violent nightmares almost any time I sleep without my APAP mask. Even WITH the damn mask, I have them a lot. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? *shrug* Do you have trouble reading small fonts? Yes. I used to find it aesthetically pleasing, but my vision is just too bad now, even with my (shitty) glasses. Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? I think so. Do you find watching animals in their natural habitat to be exciting & fascinating? Absolutely!! The last time you had sex: did you want it, or did the other person want it? ... You know it's supposed to be a mutual desire, right?? What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt." Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Maybe? I'm unsure. Did/do you believe them? Hell no. I don't believe in psychics and believe people who claim to be so are manipulative pieces of shit. Is anything annoying you right now? I am bored to an inexplicable level askldjfla;wejlr. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? No. Have you ever felt abandoned? Well yes. By definition, my dad abandoned our family. Where are you? I’m in my bed. What’s been the worst part of this day? I've just been so, so bored. I'm sick and fucking tired of dealing with anhedonia. Who last encouraged you to better yourself? My therapist.

[kinghoranshit]

The Watchers (1D) - 48 Hours

Part 3

I was up before the sun had risen and sat at the post with a bowl of oatmeal and sliced bananas. It was oddly quiet again, sort of peaceful this time. Modest! really set us up right for this. Though, under the circumstances, that should be expected of them as the guys' management; especially with their money and power.

Around nine, Niall came downstairs to eat and he went back to practicing. At this point, I knew it was his way of a distraction and at least having some control of the current situation. I wasn't going to take that away from him. I just knew we were probably going to run out of the blanks soon. There was no telling what he'd do when that happened.

Around ten, Louis perched himself next to me with his own late breakfast. It was great someone wanted to keep me company. But again, part of me figured this was his way to not freak out. We sort of both needed each other right now.

And around noon, the other three finally ventured downstairs. I wasn't surprised that they slept in this time. They all ate lunch now. They were definitely the most quiet.

Louis leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees and peeked out the slot. "Seen anything out there?"

I shrugged. "Nope."

"Then why don't we go do something else for a bit? I think I saw a couple games in one of the closets."

"Yeah, it's the one in the basement," I remarked with a smirk.

He looked unphased by my knowledge of everything in the house. "Let's go play one."

I let out a deep breath and slapped my hands on my thighs. "Sounds like a plan. Just for an hour or so."

I gasped when I saw the game LIFE in the archives. Immediately, I clicked on it to pull it up.

"What's LIFE?"

"Only the best game ever. You literally create a fake life. My mom and I used to play it when I was younger, and she played it when she was a kid."

Louis chuckled. "Sounds ancient, Kat. It can't be fun."

"Says you," I scoffed. "Come on, let's just play one run, okay?"

He looked hesitant before he broke with a heavy sigh. "Alright."

We each chose our color of car and person peg; my mom told me it used to be gender, but they changed it before I started playing. After this, we spun to see who went first and then chose the path of college or business. Louis spun a higher number so he went first. He went straight for the business route.

I snorted. "You're not going to go to college?"

"Fuck no. If I did that instead of trying music, I wouldn't be here. I've never been one great at education anyway."

"Touche. I didn't exactly have to get a degree for my work."

He looked at me curiously; his blue hues sparkled under the white lights. "You call this your job? You don't do anything else between the purges?"

I shook my head. "Nope. It pays well enough. That is if I survive the night."

"Touche," he chuckled.

I chose the college route instead because I knew that there were more job options, and it always made things more interesting in my opinion. Eventually I landed on the journalist occupation, which was one of the lower paying salaries, but that's okay. It seemed realistic to me. I think that if I hadn't been thrown into this lifetime, I'd probably be a writer of some sort. Or an instructor to teach self defense; that also felt right.

Our game flew by pretty quickly with stabs at each other, laughs, and curses. He'd ended up with four kids and I had only one. That spiraled the questions of would we want to get married one day and did we want kids. He answered yes to both and for the longest time he wasn't sure when he was going to be ready, but recently he felt that if he survived this purge he'd get married the following year. I said yes, but I wasn't sure about kids because of my lifestyle. I guess I could leave at any point; that definitely didn't feel right.

Louis's knee lightly touched mine as he tossed the controller onto the floor. "Well, I hate to admit it. That was a fun game, killed a bunch of time too."

I glanced down at our knees and soon thighs as he scooted closer. I cleared my throat with a small laugh. "I told you. Maybe we should go see what the others are up to. Make sure no one has died yet."

"Are you sure about that? There's no yelling. We could..." His eyes trailed down to my lips and he began to lean in.

I backed up and shook my head. "Louis, I... We can't... Not right now, okay? It's not the right time. If we both survive, maybe we could try it."

"Right, right," he coughed into his hand and stood from the couch. "I apologize if I came on too strong, Kat."

I nodded. "Apology accepted. It's nothing to worry about. Come on, let's head upstairs." I picked up my crossbow from where I'd leaned it against the couch and strapped it on my back.

The group was actually dispersed in the living room, everyone doing their own thing. Harry was journaling, Liam read some magazine, Zayn hummed a melody to himself, and Niall was practicing unloading and loading the cartridge of the pistol. Maddy was reading some sort of horror novel by the looks of the cover.

Niall looked up with a cheeky grin spreading on his lips. "Have fun downstairs?"

"Yeah, heard enough laughing to last me a lifetime," Harry added.

I rolled my eyes. "We were only playing the game LIFE and it was a lot of fun."

"It was." Louis winked.

That only added heat into my cheeks. "I'm going to set myself up at the post again until sundown. Any ideas for food?"

Zayn slightly raised his hand. "I make a mean dish. I've got it covered."

"Awesome." I clapped my hands before I headed over to my seat. I've realized I could use the security cameras. It was a small room though and knew I'd go stir crazy way too early into my post time. There was no shock when Louis sat down the empty chair across from me. After what felt like hours, I felt his hand entangle with mine.

"Louis-"

"I know, but holding hands won't kill us."

No, but the emotional attachment to it could. This is not what I signed up for. I know it's not what any of them signed up for.

I only gave him a small smile and looked back out the slot. My heart jumped a little at the sight of a moving figure.

"Fucker," I mumbled.

"What is it?"

I pulled my hand out of his and went to the vault that was down here to grab a sniper. I loaded it up with a single magazine round and set myself up so I could shoot them down without being noticeable. Luckily the sun was just going down so there was enough light for me to gauge before I took my shot. They were just trying to run from one tree to a bush that was closer to the bunker and I pulled the trigger. Their body went limp with a trip-like fumble to the ground. I made another aim and shot them another time to be sure.

It was then another figure came out from behind the tree and cursed again. There was no telling how many there were in this group. I took the best aim I could with them running and knew it was only a shoulder wound. Quickly I took two more shots and thankful one went into their head. I took a deep breath as I kept my finger on the trigger, looking through the lens for another figure. After at least ten minutes of posting in that uncomfortable position, I stood up and closed the slot.

"We had two friends stop by. If they found us, there's probably going to be more. As long as our security system is up, they shouldn't be able to get in the bunker."

"Please don't say stuff like that. It may happen now." He swallowed.

I licked my lips and sighed. "It's the reality, Louis. I can't lie to you guys. I'm gonna go let the rest know and then we'll eat."

It was pin-needle-dropping quiet while they received the update on the current situation. We were probably going to be fine for another few hours. I didn't suspect that any of these hunters would be smart enough to hack into the bunker system. But I also knew I'd have to be prepared for that to happen.

Dinner that night was the quietest one yet; couldn't blame them. There was nothing to say to cheer up the mood. They all tried to go back to what they were previously doing, staying at the kitchen table. I noted my senses heightened when the power went out. It took a couple seconds for my eyes to adjust, and it was now I realized how bad our situation just got.

Fuck.

Next part: 72 Hours 

[Masterlist]

[lovemesomesurveys]

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Shredded cheese.

Do you like clowns? Just Pennywise.

Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? Uh, we were just two questions in and they were simple questions, no need to lie about what I got out of my fridge and whether I like clowns lol.

What's the third text in your inbox? Doesn’t work that way.

Are you listening to anything at the moment? An ASMR video.

Do you twitch when your falling asleep? >> Yeah, sometimes. Or I have that sudden falling feeling and jerk awake. <<< Ugh, same. I hate that.

Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean.

Are you at home or with friends more often? I’m always at home, even before the quarantine/lockdown stuff began. For the past few years, actually. 

When is the last time you were on a bicycle? Never.

What have you eaten today? So far just ramen.

Would you date someone 15 years older than you? I don’t think so.

Do you own a strapless bra? Yeah.

Does the person you like know it? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Did anything brighten up your day today? It’s only 5 in the morning, not a whole lot as happening. I don’t see much happening later on either, though.

How are you feeling at this exact moment? Tired.

Are you someone who worries too often? Yepppp.

If you could date somebody who would it be? No one right now.

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? Sometimes, but it scares me. I’d really rather not know.

What is one good thing you're known for? I don’t know.

How about one bad thing? I don’t know.

Are you taller than most? >> Most children, yeah. LOL <<< Ha, same. 

When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? It’s been a few days since I’ve listened to music.

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? I like to be at home, which like I said is where I spend all my time.

What time do you normally go to bed? Between 7 and 8AM. :X

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? The usual things.

What did you do today? So far just ate ramen, watched some YouTube videos, went on Tumblr, did surveys, played some Animal Crossing, and listened to ASMR videos.

Do you consider yourself to be attractive? Nope.

What was the last thing that you drank? Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

Is anything annoying you now? Yes.

Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? I’m sure. Some people throw those words around too easily.

Do you regret going out with the last person you did? No.

Do you realize it when you curse? Yeah. I don’t curse often, so when I do it really stands out.

When was the last time you showered? Yesterday.

Who did you last talk to in person? My brother.

Do you ever have days where you just don't do anything? I don’t do much day to day, but yes there’s days where I’m really having a hard time or don’t feel and I don’t feel up to doing anything besides lie down, sleep, and stare at the TV.

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yes. I do that often for some reason.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I’ve seen some episodes of that here and there, but I can’t think of any particular episode at the moment. I know there’s news episodes coming out about people’s experience in quarantine.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? No.

What's the longest amount of time you've been stuck in traffic? A couple hours. I don’t even like spending a few minutes being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.

Best field trip experience? I loved all the field trips as a kid.

Have you ever been to New York City? No, but I’ve always wanted to go.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be?

What is the most amount of money you've spent on a meal before? Hmm. Probably like $50. It was a nice, pricey restaurant. 

What museums have you visited, if any? Several.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Yes. I hated group projects, they added way more stress. 

What's your worst traveling experience? The drive to and from Idaho to California back in 2010. We went to Idaho to see my grandpa who was very sick and his wife told us he didn’t have much time left, so my parents, brother, and I made the 12+ drive there. We left at night and it was during the wintertime, so we drove through snowy, dangerous conditions, something we’re not used to because it doesn’t snow where we live. The trip back home was worse because we were all very emotional and tired and our patience was real thin. It was a rough trip back home. At one point during the night we had to find a hotel because the roads were too slippery and dangerous to drive on from the snow and because a lot of people had to do the same, it was hard finding somewhere. We fortunately got a one bed room and made it work, with some of us sleeping on the floor. Something that I don’t want to get into happened that night that made me extremely angry and upset to the point I was literally shaking and that is not normal for me. 

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? Sims 3 out of those options, but Sims 4 over all of ‘em.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? Yeah, we’ve had a few noisy neighbors over the years. The current neighbors we have we had an issue with their dogs barking excessively. They left them outside all day and they just barked all the time. We eventually had to say something and thankfully we got things sorted out. 

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? I had 2 horrible math teachers in community college, but otherwise I never had any issues with my teachers.

Best muffin you've ever had? I love banana muffins (no nut), lemon poppyseed, and blueberry muffins. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? For an elective in middle school.

If so, was it required? No, it was an elective. <<<

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? I go on there for a few minutes at at a time a few times a day. 

What area of math are you best at? Worst? I was always horrible at math.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s cool to bond over shared interests. @gic-ga and I just recently obsessed over Linkin Park together haha.

What is the strangest thing you've ever seen outside of your house? A freakin’ bat flying around one night. That’s most definitely not a common sighting here. I had never seen or heard of any such sighting prior to that. It was crazy.

Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? No.

How often do you "half-ass" things (put little effort in)? These past few years I haven’t put much ass at all into things. :/

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Those 2 awful math professors I mentioned before made me feel even worse about not understanding the material.

How reliable is your internet connection? Very. There’s very rarely an issue.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? No.

What's something that makes you incredibly nervous? Uh, a lot of things. That’s how I am.

What's the latest you've ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? Many late nights or early mornings in college.

If you don't have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them?

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn't need them anymore? I honestly like my glasses. I’ve had to wear them since I was 9, they’re apart of me. I look and feel weird without ‘em.

How many vegetarians do you know? I’m not sure. 

Have you ever considered going to art school? No. I have no artistic talents or abilities. I never had the interest in trying just a class either, like with a drawing class or something, so definitely not an art school, a school devoted to the arts.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Myself.

How quickly can you write an essay? For me I struggled with getting started, but once I did I’d get in my groove.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. I always get the nosebleeds seats cause that’s where the handicap seating tends to be. They’re cheaper up there; though, so hey.

If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager?

Favorite episode of Spongebob? I don’t have a favorite. I’ve seen episodes cause my younger brother and cousins watched it all the time, but I was never really into it myself.

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? To inanimate objects cause of memories attached to them. Like, I have a hard time getting rid of anything.

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes.

How often do you take the train to go places? Never.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? Ha, yeah.

[invertedeidolon]

The Longest Library #6: The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: A Magical Story by Marie Kondo

This is a series in which I attempt to read and review all (or most of) my library of 297 books.

Rundown: Chiaki is a twenty something on her own, with a messy apartment that's been attached to a lifetime of failed relationships (although a lot of them seem like unrequited crushes she tried waaaay too hard for). The clutter and the drain it causes literally buries her own dreams and aspirations. Even if you don't intend to use KonMarie's method for things, it's a cute and concise way to see the impact it has when properly applied. Very wholesome, 5/5, would even give to my grandma.

Because of copyright and being respectful to the authors and artists, I'm going to try and keep pictures to a minimum, and do my best to describe things without them. Such is the hazards of reviewing a manga.

First off, before you even open the book, it's got this really nice matte satin finish on it. It's extremely pleasant. I had to just pause and say that for a second.

When I first picked this up in barnes and noble about a year ago, I didn't expect it to be so... I guess rich? There was no part of it that felt wasted or unnecessary. All of it felt good, and if it wasn't good, it was better. The art is pretty simplistic, almost all of it done in the same pen, and if you look close enough it all retains that human element. You can tell a hand did that. But it's still so consistent and, I suppose experienced, that it doesn't become distracting. The characters stay on model and don't look too weird, even when drawn tiny and comedically.

I like how the very first step is deciding that you want to tidy up. Even if the method described is much different than what everybody thinks it is, still coming at it with that same willingness and energy, resolute to do some real work, is necessary. It isn't as frantic and energy consuming as the heavy cleaning most people think of, but instead the method can be emotionally and mentally taxing. It requires that same decision to dedicate yourself to it.

Even though my house isn't as fine tuned as it would be had I used the konmarie method, I still make a point to do small tidying sessions as soon as I see there's a need for it. I come from a hoarder house and so do my partners, so there's an extra motivation to keep the space as far away from that as possible.

That being said, I recognize the main character's exhaustion. The startling mess that comes from such a professional seeming young woman just doesn't really register, she just kind of lives with it 'for the time being' (this is a phrase that pops up later).

As an aside, When she goes to answer the door, there's this curtain she pulls over to kind of hide the rest of the apartment behind her. I have no idea if it's a staple of Japanese apartments (in which case, what a neat idea! Nobody who's just at the door needs to know what my home looks like). If it's just her, deciding that she needs a curtain to hide her embarrassment, however... just damn.

So the reality of needing to tidy up sets in when the neighbor accidentally DOES see what her apartment is like. (He initially came to tell her to please get the garbage off her balcony because it's starting to stink... she kept putting it there, intending to bring it down in the morning, but then forgets). So a valiant? effort is made. But the roadblocks to starting on such a huge mess is apparent. Can't do garbage, there's too much on the balcony already. The sink is so backed up and she can't find the sponge. You kind of move from task to task and can't really find a place to start because you don't know HOW to start. And tackling something that huge in more manageable pieces isn't for everybody. Sometimes you can make messes faster than you can clean them. So it feels like treading water, like you're not getting anywhere. And that's usually where people give up. So she does.

Also, I find it hilarious that she found out about KonMarie while on a search for proof that there's people who are way messier than her.

She was totally expecting a Hoarders type situation. Nope! It's all just you and this tiny fairy woman.

So this being my first exposure to KonMarie, I was actually super invested when she asked this question. I appreciate this question so much. My (literal) garbage television of choice is Hoarders, and usually on that show, if they set goals, it's extremely short term. Mostly because they have only so much time that the workers can be there. Sometimes it's even so small as 'clear this one hallway so that my husband doesn't fall and break his leg and potentially die in his own home'. Meanwhile KonMarie is over here like 'what's your life going to look like after your place is clean'? Which is a very good question to ask, especially if you don't want someone to fall back into old habits. Cleaning is basically making room for yourself and your life, instead of just your stuff.

So, living 'for the time being'. I see this way of living as a form of energy preservation. You don't make the effort to do the 'right' thing, which would be expending the small effort to clear your coffee table so you can have a nice place to eat breakfast tomorrow. That's okay, it's just temporary, right? But then the next day, you go to have breakfast. You see the messy table and immediately deflate. You need to eat standing now because you don't have the time to clear the table AND make breakfast. You don't feel as great as you could be, but that's okay, right?  The trend unfortunately continues. It also spreads to other areas of your life. Unfortunately, by preserving energy by not doing the small tasks, the small tasks become bigger ones. That you no longer have the energy for. Especially now that you're having to SPEND energy working around those large tasks. Doing the small thing in the first place would mean you would RECEIVE energy as a result. Clearing the table the night before means a nice, calm peaceful breakfast, and you get to the rest of your day feeling energized now that you've had that bit of quiet to yourself. If you find yourself avoiding tasks, you might need to do something specifically to restore yourself. That's what self care is about in the context of maintaining your space.

“Nine out of ten items demoted to loungewear...are never worn!”

So, I have this talent for knowing where everything is in the house at all times and remembering what I have (a Forbidden Skill that comes from living with hoarders and also a shitty birthgiver who would arbitrarily throw stuff away). And I know exactly which pieces of clothing she's talking about. The huge pair of pj pants that I barely use unless it's abnormally cold. The various camisole tops with the missing underwire that I don't wear because the straps are synthetic and melted at the ends so it makes this unfortunate stabby bit. Yeah. I should get rid of those. Tshirts and shorts are better off as loungewear because that's what I use them for apart from exercising.

"Besides, why would you wear joyless clothes inside when you would never wear them outside? Your time at home should be special too."

This is something I've come to appreciate during quarantine. I feel TONS better when I'm wearing something nice, even inside. I get more work done and I feel more professional when I actually 'get dressed' instead of trying to work in my nightgown. Even putting on an apron makes housework feel more purposeful. (I'm going to take this to the next level and eventually make my own apron)

This is what I mean by it becoming draining over time. Even a good day is hampered by coming home to a cluttered area. Even having one space to sit that looks nice helps. (for context, Chiaki only just tidied her clothes, but nothing else yet, so she had an amazing day, feeling great in clothes that made her feel great, and then came home to this.)

"Books that haven't been moved in a while are dormant, so it's hard to judge whether to keep or discard them."

I appreciate this humanizing element of objects. I feel like a lot of us are taught early on to stop caring so much about our belongings, especially when they're no longer age appropriate, and we're pressured by peers and parents to 'let go'. When I give any object in my home a character or spirit, I find I take much better care of it. It's also partially the basis of my teddy bear medical project (the stuffed animal is essentially an emotional mirror, and taking care of the bear helps it echo back a need to care for yourself). Also interesting, to quote from wikipedia: "Kondo says that her method is partly inspired by the Shinto religion. Cleaning and organizing things properly can be a spiritual practice in Shintoism, which is concerned with the energy or divine spirit of things (kami) and the right way to live (kannagara)"

Also on the subject of books, I readily agree that #thelongestlibrary is a way for me to avoid immediately throwing away books. But now that I can make regular content out of them, they all have a purpose now, don't they?

This bastard. No matter how many times I purge my writing stash, one of these always shows up. Why is it sticky??????

"That's right. Things that are kept 'just because' are stored 'just because', and accumulate 'just because'."

This is true. However, I'm in a weird place because of my skills and profession. Can KonMarie please come validate my decision to keep crafting supplies and surplus packaging???

"Instead of buying storage goods to make do, wait until you've completely finished and look for ones you really like" "You mean don't buy things 'Just because!' "

I don't know how many times I've seen a messy house with a stack of brand new storage bins, never used, or storage bins overstuffed and sometimes broken. Something I forgot to mention that is a huge part of the KonMarie method, is organizing by category, and not by room. You get ALL of one object in the house, and put it in a pile in the middle of the floor, so you can see just how much you have (clothes, books, cosmetics, etc.) If you clean by room, you may have gotten all the clothes in the bedroom put away nicely, but they there's still dirty laundry, and also the workout clothes in the living room, and some in the bathroom, and it all doesn't fit and has to go in a storage container or gets stuffed in a weird place and you never see it again! So don't get storage. If it doesn't fit in your house, that means it likely doesn't fit in your current life. And either the object has to go, or your life needs to change.

"Wait, it's not the things I'm discarding, but the things I'm keeping that are in this room!"

This is a principle that I think didn't really occur to me, or a lot of people. Getting rid of excess stuff is important, yes, but making sure what you're keeping is meaningful is equally and sometimes even more important. It's something that could be applied to all areas of your life.

"Your home is linked to your body. If it isn't comfortable to live in, you'll feel exhausted, just like I did."

KonMarie puts so much love into her method. If you've never seen her show, I highly recommend it. It isn't like Hoarders at all. It's like the difference between American Gordon Ramsey and The Great British Bakeoff. Even if the families depicted are a little tense, it's clear they still love each other deeply and just need to be guided into making their home a place where that love can happen unimpeded.

If you've never gotten into KonMarie, I'd say this is a stellar first exposure. I love the hell out of this tiny, thoughtful woman.

Have a couple of bonus faces because the artist is a gem.

*don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious*

I’ve already lost count of my books. 6 down, 200 something to go.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

shelter; adam page [two]

Notes: 

Originally posted on my main, and literally no one asked for this. I haven’t written a third part but.. I plan to keep this one going and so, it’s getting transferred to this blog. I swear, soon.. Soon I’ll write a third chapter to it. Hell,maybe even sooner than you think. ;P. 

Summary: 

It’s only been one night / day so far and already the tension -and awkward flirty close moments of lingering sexual tension, is so thick you can cut through it with a knife. A trip to the grocery store and lots of flirty bantering back and forth.

Pairing:

Adam Hangman Page x OFC, Birdie McGregor

Warning:

alcohol tw possible. mentions of sheltering in place / covid-19, kind of a slow burn to it and kind of not.

                             CHAPTER TWO : WHATS THE HARM

Having totally forgotten about Adam’s arrival back at the house the night before, I got up when I heard my alarm going off nearby. Yawning, I stretched my arms up and rubbed my eyes upon lowering them. For a few seconds I was scratching my head at the fact that I’d fallen asleep in the living room, but I ultimately shrugged it off, standing and quietly padding across the hallway and into the kitchen.

What I needed was caffeine.

And food, if the growling of my stomach was anything to go by.

I rummaged through the fridge, gathering ingredients for pancakes, eggs and bacon. I placed it all on the counter nearby, and I was digging out a mixing bowl when I thought I heard the door to Adam’s bedroom close and footsteps coming towards the kitchen. It hit me then, Adam had come home the night before.

And naturally, around the time he made it into the kitchen, I was remembering the soft press of rough lips against my forehead last night and I could feel my body heating up at the memory. I took a deep breath and tried like hell to get myself together.

Music… Music would take away the silence and drive out any possible tension that might be heavy between the two of us; again, we are practically strangers who just happen to be sharing a house.

But of course, the first song to play when I fired up the SiriusXM app on my cell phone?

An inherently sexual one from the bluegrass and folk station I’d been listening to the night before while grading the last of the actual papers I had to grade and making an online lesson plan for the new week approaching.

I think I played it off pretty well, humming along as I found my electric mixer, plugging it in, focusing intently on mixing the batter for chocolate chip pancakes. I didn’t dare look up though. I could just feel him in the room with me, watching me.

The song ended and the batter started to get smoother and I cut off the mixer, sitting it to the side, taking one of the attachments to lick clean. When I turned around to grab something, I found myself body to body with Adam and I gulped.

All I could do was try -and fail at not staring. He eyed me and chuckled softly. “You’re up early.” I finally managed to mutter. Adam shrugged and I caught him eyeing the other attachment that was still hooked to the mixer, sitting on top of the counter. I gave a soft laugh and turned a little, detaching it and holding it out to him.

He took it and I bit my lip as I watched his tongue trailing slowly over the curved bits of the attachment. After he’d licked it clean, he held it out, this soft sort of little smirk on his face as he did so. “Everythin’ okay, darlin?”

“I.. yeah. Yeah, everything is totally fine.” I tangled my fingers in my hair, dragging them through as I held his gaze. Adam chuckled and spoke up calmly. “Your bacon is burnin, woman.”

“What? No… Well fuck.” I groaned as I shook my head. Adam hurried over to the stove, grabbing the skillet and wrinkling his nose at the smell of burnt bacon while laughing. He made his way to the garbage, hurriedly tossing the burnt bacon down into the trash. All I could really do was stand there and laugh at myself.

And shake my head about it, of course.

I swear, sometimes this man can bring out my true inner awkwardness without so much as anything more than a smile.

My alarm started to go off again and I groaned as soon as I realized that meant it was 8:30 and time for me to get upstairs to my room, to my laptop. Because I had a classroom of students waiting for me on Zoom.

I opened the cabinets, rummaging around for the brightly colored Fiestaware plates I’d picked up a few months ago, taking a turquoise one and an orange one out, sitting them on the counter top. Adam was standing at the stove, apparently, he’d decided he just couldn’t eat breakfast without meat of some kind, so he was making sausage. Despite my trying not to, I found myself just sort of watching him. Thinking about how much more relaxed it was than I’d anticipated the night before when he got in. I’d been fearing there would be this overwhelming awkward tension between us, given how little we actually know about each other.

It was nice to discover that I was potentially wrong about the situation.

Adam happened to look up and over at me, catching me in mid stare. I quickly diverted my eyes, focusing on the growing pile of bacon on a navy blue plate sitting nearby and reaching out to take one. He reached out at the same time and our hands brushed and we both just sort of stared at each other for a second or two before Adam broke it in half, holding out one piece to me, sticking the other piece into his mouth and chewing it up.

“I make you nervous or somethin’, darlin?” Adam finally asked the question after the silence became too much for him.

… oh you have no idea, sir… and i’m watching your rodeos now and… every single time you tug at those jeans before you get onto your bull to ride, it does something to me… the thought came, but I shook my head quickly, taking another bite of the half of bacon he’d given me a second ago. “What makes you think that?”

“I don’t know, you just seem tense or something.” Adam muttered it quietly, glancing down at the countertop as if he were already assuming the worst. He looked up and over at me and I bit my lip, taking a sip of the coffee I’d just poured myself.

… really? I thought I was handling this pretty well, all things considered… I mulled it over as I finished eating the strip of bacon and finally, I sighed. “Probably just stress from everything going on right now. You definitely do not make me nervous. You’re probably about as scary as a box of kittens if I have to be honest, Mr. Page.”

“We’ve been livin here together for a while now. You can call me Adam.” he chuckled quietly, stepping a little closer and shaking his head as he stared down at me.

“Sorry, it’s just force of habit?” I apologized, shrugging as I studied him intently, smiling in the hopes it would reassure him.

I mean… Technically, I’m being honest. It’s not him that makes me nervous and flustered, it’s the way he makes me feel whenever we’re around each other. So technically, I reminded myself a second time, my nervous feelings have nothing at all to do with him.

“It’s okay.” Adam gave this gentle and teasing sort of smirk as he held out another piece of bacon to me. I took it, grateful to have something to shovel into my mouth and take my mind off of exactly what feelings his sudden closeness and presence  did stir up in me.

Definitely longing. Attraction. So many emotions I couldn’t quite put my fingers on just yet. I reached for some syrup to put on my pancakes and as I turned to do it, I found myself body to body with Adam in the middle of the kitchen. I gulped when I felt one of his hands brush against my hip and he bit his lip, nodding to the counter. “Somethin you need?”

“The maple syrup.” I managed to get it out, even as I felt his hand brush right against my skin again. If I were a lot bolder, I’d almost assume he was flirting with me. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I shoved it right back out.

Because there’s no way he’s flirting right now. Nope. Not at all.

His laughter got my attention and as soon as I realized that I’d missed my pancakes and drizzled maple syrup haphazardly over my plate instead, I felt my cheeks heating. Cutting into the stack and dipping them in the syrup, I met his gaze boldly. “Bold of you to assume I didn’t do that on purpose, Mr… I mean Adam.”  I corrected myself quickly, remembering that me calling him Mr. Page apparently didn’t sit well with him.

He shrugged and took a bite of his own stack of pancakes and then a sip of orange juice, groaning as soon as he’d swallowed the juice down. “Is this real oranges?”

“Mhm. That’s how my grams always did it. Hand squeezed. Tastes better than a crapload of sugar, I think.”

“It really does.” Adam muttered through a mouthful.

“Shit. I need to finish this and get upstairs. I may be home but I’m still workin..” I muttered, mostly to myself. Adam nodded and took a few bites of his food, asking the question, “Think you might wanna help me out later? Gonna go check the cows.”

“Of course! Hey… if things get weird like I figure they will, dumbasses panic buying all the things.. Couldn’t hurt to think about a garden or something.” I threw out the suggestion, half expecting him to think I was crazy or in panic mode.

Panic mode he wouldn’t be entirely wrong about because I have been freaking out a little.. No, I’ve been freaking out a lot since this virus hit. Either way, I was more than a little surprised when he reached out, fluffing at my hair and nodding thoughtfully while giving me one of those bright grins of his. “It’s not a bad idea, actually. I can go to town later, pick up some things.”

“You don’t have to..” I trailed off and Adam shrugged, chuckling. “I’m here, might as well do somethin’ useful.”

I gave a nod and raked out my food into the compost bucket, sitting my dish in the sink. Adam did the same and after a few seconds, he spoke up again. “Thanks.”

“For what, exactly?” I raised a brow as I asked the question. All I do here is literally what he asks me to do and tries to pay me for. I dragged my fingers through my hair, taking another sip of coffee while I waited on him to answer my question.

“Not bailin out and going back to the city when all this shit broke.” Adam smiled at me and I nodded, shrugging. Honestly, I moved out here to escape the city. To clear my head.

To live that simpler life I enjoyed as a kid at my grandparents house over summer break.

And maybe, my mind saw fit to remind me, you sticking around has everything to do with a certain bull rider, hmm? - but of course, since I’m not willing to admit that and risk making things extremely awkward, I shoved that thought right out of my head.

“Like I said. It’s not a big deal. I wanted to get outta the city, there’s really nothing there for me.” - it wasn’t a lie either, all I left behind was a tiny and crappy apartment, a string of failed and bad relationships and teaching a group of kids who were so used to hearing they’d never amount to shit that they were preconditioned to not even attempting to learn and try to get themselves out of their situations. It was disheartening on a good day, downright depressing on a bad one. I sighed and gave him a smile.

“Hey.. If you really want to go into town and look into getting seeds and stuff, wait until I’m done with this Zoom class? I’d like to go too.”

Adam smiled, nodding. “Aren’t you late for your own class,ma’am?” he teased as he held my gaze and leaned in a little closer. When he trailed his thumb over the corner of my mouth I gave a soft giggle and he explained quietly, “You, umm.. Syrup.” and I thanked him for getting it, going silent for a second or two.

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure a good half of them aren’t even up and functional yet. It’ll surprise me if anyone’s even signed into the classroom and waiting.” I gave a soft laugh and grabbed the rest of my coffee and Adam leaned out of the kitchen to holler down the hall after me jokingly, “Hey, teach! You might consider puttin on pants before you start your lesson, right?”

I looked down and palmed my face, biting my lip. “Fuck.”

Maybe he was right. Maybe I was really tense around him. I stopped at the top of the stairs, leaning against the hallway wall to really think about it. Now that we’re all sheltering in place I’m going to have to find some way to work around all the feelings this man stirs up in me. Otherwise, I’m going to lose my damn mind.

“Okay, tomorrow we’re going to start on time.” I was smiling as I signed off of Zoom, giving one last wave goodbye to the students who’d actually signed on to be in class. We’d mostly talked about how hard things were around our little rural area because of the shelter in place. Then we’d gone over a history lesson and done a little english.

I stood and stretched, turning to peek through the curtains out of my bedroom window. And I bit my lip as soon as I realized that the noise I’d been hearing earlier was apparently Adam, who’d gotten bored from the looks of it, and was going over a section of land with the tractor, breaking up dirt.

I gave a soft laugh, pressing my hand against the window and shaking my head. “I meant a little garden, sir.” I mumbled quietly as I made myself step away from the window and focused on throwing on some of my older jeans and one of my favorite old plaid shirts. I was tugging on my boots at the front door of the house when Adam walked in, sweaty and grimy. I wrinkled my nose at him and he chuckled. “First a beer, then shower. I know, darlin. Looks bad.”

“You’re a little burnt on your shoulders actually. How long have you been out there?”

“Long enough to get everything disked up and ready. Now all we gotta do is go into town and buy seeds and stuff.”

“Yeah, about that.. To clarify, I said garden.”

“And? That’s what I did, woman.”

“That’s a field, sir.” I gestured to the window, to the plot of land he’d just spent an entire half day plowing and preparing to plant. It was… definitely much bigger than your typical ‘garden’ plot. Not bigger than my grandparents, but they were also farmers too, and they liked to take produce down to market and sell it 2 to 3 times a year.

Adam was just a semi pro bull rider who rodeoed most of the year and raised cattle and horses or broke horses the rest.

“Not out here, it ain’t. I got the land, might as well put it to use, right?” Adam dragged his fingers through his hair, giving that lazy grin that was notorious for making my stomach flutter ever-so-slightly. “Sides.. Maybe if I can get it growin now and this thing lasts as long as people are talkin about, I can give the stuff we don’t use to some of the neighbors down the road or somethin.”

“Yeah, true.” I agreed and bit my lip, shaking myself out of deep thought when I remembered that he’d mentioned something to drink. I started to walk towards the kitchen where he’d vanished to but almost as soon as I hit the doorway, he was leaning in it lazily, staring down at me.

And me, being lost in the blue of his eyes, well.. I couldn’t do anything but stare right back. I cleared my throat and muttered quietly, “I was gonna grab a glass of tea.”

Adam stepped aside, but not quickly enough because we wound up brushing against each other in the doorframe. And again, I felt his hand lingering at my side subtly.

“I still say I make ya nervous, darlin.” Adam spoke up from where he stood as I poured my glass of tea after reaching the fridge. I gave a soft laugh, shrugging it off and I looked up, meeting his gaze. “I still argue you’re wrong, Adam.”

Adam coughed, but I heard him clearly say Bullshit as he did so. I gave a shrug and a teasing look as I took another sip of my tea. “Whether you believe me or not, Adam, that’s on you.”

He chuckled and took a few more quick sips of his long neck bottle before clearing his throat. “Should probably get showered so we can get goin. Curfew and all.”

“Yeah, this is true.” I answered, sitting down the glass I’d been drinking from and looking up at him.

“Days just seem to bleed into each other right now, ya know?” Adam mused and I nodded in agreement. They certainly did. Each one passing slower than the last. He’d only been here a day and a half. I’d been dealing with this part of it for almost four. I had the strong feeling that by the third day, the poor guy was going to be going stir-crazy.

And hopefully, just because we were now having to do the actual  cohabitating part of our arrangement, with him here now, things would  be just a little easier than I’d originally seen this whole thing going, when I thought Adam wouldn’t be coming back home until his usual and expected end of rodeo season.

Then again, I found myself thinking, literally no one ever saw any of this coming. And maybe I should just make the best of the situation, stop making it awkward, stop being so tense around Adam. This arrangement we had going did not have to be awkward at all.. Putting my own…. Attraction to the man aside, we could definitely be friends, there was no harm in that. I got it set firmly in my mind that rather than continuing to dwell on just how attracted to Adam I was, I was simply going to try for co-existing and hopefully, if I was lucky, making friends with him.

Given my luck in more recent years, -all of it bad, that was probably the far better thing to do.

Even as I made the decision, I got the distinct feeling that just trying to be friends was… Going to be a little more challenging than I thought.

Still, I thought to myself as I put the empty glass into the sink to wash later, I could at least try. That would definitely make this whole shelter in place scenario so much easier for both of us.

Adam was showering so I sat down at the dining table after going through the pantry and the fridge and the cabinets to see what we’d need to get us through for a few weeks. I’d just finished making my list when I heard him chuckle from behind me.

“Oh how cute, she’s makin a list.” Adam teased and I glanced up at him, poking out my tongue. “So I can get in, get what I know is needed and get out.”

“Where’s the fun in that though, hm?” Adam questioned, blue eyes fixed on me and gazing deep into my own. Almost as if he were definitely trying to distract me, which of course, it did work. I grumbled and tore the sheet of paper free from the magnetized notepad I usually kept on the door of the fridge and held it out. “Either way, fun or not, it is all stuff we’re going to need. So, if you don’t mind, hang onto that?” I asked, pretending to pout when he took the list and eyed it as if he were going to crumple it only to slip it in the pocket of faded blue jeans.

“I make no promises,darlin. If I see junk food, I’m buyin junk food.” Adam waved his hands and I couldn’t help but smile at it because it was just… Cute? Okay, that sounds so frickin cheesy… But it’s true? He looked cute. As if he were a kid, trying to tell his mother he hadn’t done something that his mother probably knew full well he had.

I eyed him and shook my head, laughing. “Okay, alright. It’d be nice to have a pint of ice cream later.” I grabbed my keys from the key rack on the iron ‘home’ key rack hanging beside the door and I turned to him, tossing them. “You’ve been staring at my car since I moved in. I know you want to drive it.”

He pretended to scoff for a second or two, but he quickly grabbed the keys from my hand, giving me that boyish smirk and sending my heart race again. “It’s just because I want to find out if Dodge really is a good company.. Ya know, being a Ford or Chevrolet guy myself for so long.”

“You do realize that Ford stands for Found On Road Dead, right?”

“Hey, hey.. No need in bein mean, darlin. Besides, your little sports car is probably just fast and not built to last.” Adam was stepping closer, staring down at me, biting his lip. If I were a lot more self assured, I’d almost want to say he was staring at my lips like… No, he didn’t want to kiss me.

He probably sees women who are so much prettier on the daily when he’s out being a rodeo star. He probably takes them back to his hotel, I found myself thinking next, having to clear my throat abruptly just to clear my mind and get the focus back on our outing. Adam’s hand lightly squeezed my side and he chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

“What?”

“It’s nothin. C’mon, let’s go get this done.” Adam was reaching out over my shoulder to push the front door open and when he brushed against me as he leaned in a little to do so, I looked up at him. “I warn you, it’s an absolute madhouse in town. And if you think we’re getting toilet paper or anything? Likely not.”

“Why toilet paper?” Adam questioned, a brow raised as he shook his head and muttered about some people and their overwhelming lack of common sense. I sighed and shrugged, making my way to my Challenger, standing by the passenger door as I tapped my foot and waited on him. When he finally got to the car, he eyed me. “You’re not in?”

“You have the key. City girl here, remember? I never just leave my car or the house unlocked… Speaking of… You did lock up the place… Right?”

“Darlin, we are in the middle of nowhere.” Adam pointed out, gazing at me before turning to look back at the front door to the house after he’d aimed my key fob at the car to unlock it. “Sides.. I can’t exactly lock up the barn and stables, all the valuable stuff is in there.”

“Doesn’t matter, Adam. The door needs to be locked. You never know what could happen.” I pointed it out mildly, going on to tell him that 3 times in a month my old apartment had actually been broken into before I left the city to move out here. He eyed me in concern and I quickly reassured with a shrug, “I wasn’t home for any of them, thankfully. Does piss me off knowing that given all the bigger scale crime though, actually doing something about it would’ve done nothing in the end.”

“You didn’t report it?” Adam gaped at me, shocked when I admitted that I hadn’t tried to actually get anything done about it. I almost wanted to cringe, thinking back about it because it was one of those things, ya know? Where you suck at defending yourself for the most part and getting fucked over becomes the norm. You just kind of let it ride, go with it and hope for the best down the road. If you’re wondering, yes. I did this a lot. And yeah, on occasion I do still do it. It’s just.. Easier… Not to be a troublemaker or make waves.

I opened my mouth and closed it again, giving a defeated sigh. Nothing I could say to explain it would make this any more logical, I could just see it in his eyes. He was genuinely confused as to why I didn’t try to report it.

“It’s not really friendly there like it is around here, okay? Besides, the cops have a lot more important things to worry about, like the actual murders and robberies that happen all the time.” I explained it away, but I felt it boiling at my gut all over again, the anger I’d felt all three occasions to coming back, discovering that a few possessions and some money were gone. The pathetic excuse and my lack of action was also still eating at me and this had taken place a year ago.

Adam cleared his throat and dug around, finding his house key as he muttered, “I’ll go lock the door. Can’t hurt.” and I gave him a relieved look, getting into the passenger side of the car. He hurried back down the brick front steps and got into the driver seat, taking off down the long dirt driveway. As we drove into town, I squirmed in my seat a little.

One, I’m not used to being a passenger in my car. Like at all. Two, I was starting to feel that thick tension creeping back in. The air seemed like it hung heavy with words not said. It was starting to get to me, so I guess that’s why I reached out, turning down the volume on the radio. Adam seemed to be off in his own mind too, because when I finally thought of something to say, “Looks like it’s gonna rain soon.” he muttered a quiet and thoughtful, “Probably so.” and swore under his breath because he’d just spent over half the day plowing up the ground and the rain might mess all that up now. I couldn’t help but give a quiet laugh.

“Just curious, darlin… Ain’t you got… Like… family or a man back in the city?” the question came totally out of the blue and when I glanced over, he was doing it again, giving me that look all over again.

“I don’t, actually. My parents and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms. As far as a relationship, haven’t really… Been in one of those for almost two years now. I..” I paused, biting my lip and taking a deep breath, “got burned really bad in the last one.”

Adam nodded, muttered quietly, “Me too.. On the relationship thing, I mean. Parents are livin in some retirement community out in Colorado. My dad’s idea.” Adam shrugged and reached out, turning the volume up just a little, leaving me to kind of sit there and puzzle out what he’d just admitted.

Okay, in what world is a hunky semi-pro bull rider not involved with at least one person? And he certainly seemed like a nice enough guy from the little we’d interacted since I moved into his house… It definitely made me wonder and it only further drove home the fact that maybe getting to know the man I’m cohabitating with isn’t a bad idea at all.

I mean… we should know a lot more about each other than we already do.

The local supermarket came into view and Adam pulled my car into one of the closer spots to the door, sitting there for a few seconds as if he wanted to say something else. When he finally did break the silence, it was to gently repeat something he’d said earlier in the morning.

“Ya know.. We’re stuck together in this. Wouldn’t hurt to get more comfortable around each other, I’d think.”

“No, it definitely wouldn’t.”

He smiled at me and then raised slightly in his seat, digging out my list, holding it out to me. “Your list, darlin.”

“Tease all you want, but when you’re back at the house and we actually have everything we need to last a while, you’ll see the reasoning there.” I laughed softly, taking the slip of paper from his hand. For a second or two, our fingertips brushed and I bit my lip. He did the same before answering with a shrug, “Won’t matter if I wanted a candy bar or somethin and we don’t have that.”

“You’ll get your junk, sir. Are we going in or are we just gonna sit out here and talk about it all night, cowboy?” I teased, almost wanting to cringe at the flirtatious tone in my voice while also praying to hell that Adam didn’t actually… Read that much into things, because it hadn’t really been intentional. My breath caught in my throat when he eyed me a second or two, this soft and laughing smirk on his face as he got out. I got out too, shutting the door behind me and Adam locked the car, extending his arm. I grabbed a cart and bit my lip when I felt his chest ever so slightly brushing into my back.

He chuckled softly next to my ear. “I still say I make you nervous.” he dared to say it and I bit down on my lip harder, taking a deep breath, turning slightly to look over my shoulder at him, my head shaking and a teasing grin on my face.

I mean… If he’s gonna tease me, why not, right?

“I do believe someone is ignoring social distancing protocols, sir.” I stepped from beneath the way he had his arms on either side of me, his hands on the cart handle and slunk over to the potatoes, grabbing a 5 lb. bag and returning with it, putting it into the cart, flashing him yet another little smile and laughing.

Adam chuckled, grabbing for a bag of apples near the fruits and vegetables, putting them into the cart. “Cute diversion. But I’m still goin by what I said earlier at the house. For some reason, I make you real nervous.”

“Nope.” I’d turned away, busying myself with buying ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise and when I turned back with the three bottles, I found myself body to bod with him again and he was staring down at me thoughtfully, reaching for two of the three bottles in my hand to sit them into the cart. He didn’t break his gaze a single time and I found my breath catching.

Something my grandma said to me once about her and Grandpa came rushing back to me and I mulled it over before quickly shoving it right out of my head.

I barely know Adam. This is just me, being awkward as fuck because I have always been awkward as fuck around men I’m attracted to. It has to be… Right?

But gazing up at him as he gazed right back, I suddenly wasn’t as confident in that as I’ve been up to this point. I mean… I keep feeling like he’s flirting with me. Like he feels truly comfortable around me and this is the real Adam… Not the Adam I’m used to seeing after a winning round at whatever rodeo he happens to be riding in on television when I watch. He’s not cocky, not intense.. He’s just.. A genuinely sweet and good guy. Funny, down to earth and charming.

I tried to get a grip of myself as he started to laugh quietly and reached out, taking the paper from my hand. “Maybe if each of us takes half…” he suggested and I swallowed hard, shaking my head, giving him a smile. “No, no. No. Today’s just been… Weird. I’m used to being alone when I do this. But this is fine, I’m having a good time. And for the last time, no… you do not make me nervous. Not even a little.” I said it in a rush and he chuckled, shrugging as he grabbed a jar of pickles and put them into the cart.

“Whatever you say, darlin. What’s next then?”

“Uh… You’re gonna love this. The mandatory junk food and quick meals.” I joked gently, making him laugh as he pointed out, “You do realize I can cook, right?”

“Yeah, but you’re in and out of hotels at least 100 plus days a year, so…”

“And yet, you nearly burnt down the kitchen just this morning.”

“Bite me.”

“Where, darlin?” Adam joked, again with that grin that I couldn’t tell whether he was being a tease or whether he was… Really flirting with me… Like he was into me.

Then again, I’ve never been good at deciphering cues or hints, to begin with. So, I don’t dare get my hopes up that high.

[allimariexf]

As many of you know, I was at the Arrow 7x22 filming that took place in North Vancouver on Tuesday, April 9 at the “Olicity cabin.”

It ended up being an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience that I am still processing. Those of you who are on the Olicity Discord channel (want to join us? read more about it here) shared this experience with me in real-time, but I also wanted to share with the wider fandom on tumblr. So, what follows is a bare-bones rundown of what happened. (I AM GOING TO TRY TO BE SUPER BRIEF HERE. Sorry ahead of time for when I inevitably fail.)

So my husband saw the filming notice on Twitter (which I had already seen of course) and he messaged me: “wanna jet up to Vancouver?” He was only half serious, but you know once the idea was in my head, there was no other option. Anyway, we only live 3 hours (and one country) from the filming location, so we left late Monday night, got a little sleep, and were at the filming location by 8:30 on Tuesday morning. There weren’t really any crew around at that point, so I snapped a few photos (just sharing a few here to save space).

When the crew came over to where we were, they talked to us (they were super nice all day!) and I assured them I was there to see what I could see, and we planned to follow the rules. I asked about photos, they said “NOPE,” and I didn’t take any more photos on set that day (except for the one below 😏 which was fully authorized).

Cutting for length. There is much, much more under the cut.

So we were hanging out with a great view of the Olicity cabin and the fence around the property. We could see into the property too, and there we saw an archery target set up in the cabin’s backyard. (That might be a spoiler, but Canadagraphs or whatever that site is already leaked photos of it  so whatever).

The actors were brought onto set in tinted-window SUVs that would drive up, turn around in the narrow street, and back up onto the property to let them out. I didn’t realize that actors were being dropped off the first 2 times it happened, so I missed the first two actors that got dropped off. I am pretty sure one of them was Stephen, because I never saw him arrive. I did see Emily arrive!

AND - this has been leaked by that paparazzi dude, too, so I might as well share - I saw LaMonica Garrett arrive. Discord friends can attest that I freaked the fuck out. Because FUCK. The second I saw him walk out of his SUV, I was just like 😱😱😱

The morning was basically spent watching the crew, and hearing what was happening filming-wise: when they blocked, rehearsed, and filmed, the entire crew would yell out the direction so that everyone always knew what was happening and people knew to be quiet. It was really cool.

During the “morning” (until I walked up to get lunch around 3:30), 4 or 5 - I think 5 - scenes were shot. I’m pretty sure they were all indoor. I was able to hear details about who were in the scenes and where they were for some of the scenes, but I wasn’t able to watch because everything was inside or behind the fence. Around 1 PM we heard them say that David was due on set, but hadn’t arrived yet. At that point, I started getting concerned about exactly who he was and wasn’t going to film with and what it would all mean.

Throughout the day, Stephen and Emily (and LaMonica in the whole Monitor get-up!) would occasionally walk out. It was very cool, and also bittersweet, because it was Emily’s last day filming.

The crew was super welcoming all day. People kept wandering over and talking to us, and they saw how freezing cold my husband and I were - especially me - and they brought us hand and body warmers! Several of them said they would let the actors know that we were out there so that they could some say hi, which was so nice! But I didn’t want to get my hopes up, seeing as it was Emily’s last day and not only was everyone super emotional, but they had farewell events planned, and a bunch of guests coming on set to be a part of it:

At one point a woman arrived and introduced herself to the crew as “Diane” - it was Emily’s mom. Later, Stephen left the set, walking up the hill to the road, and when he came back, Stephen and Emily’s friend Carina was with him. At some point his wife and daughter arrived, too.  

Around 3 or 3:30, everyone (cast and crew and guests) gathered around in the cabin’s backyard (behind a fence, alas) and I could tell that Emily was speaking, but I couldn’t hear what she said. Probably other people spoke too. There were intermittent rounds of applause.

After that, Stephen came over to me and my husband and chatted with us and we took a photo:

After that, a lot of the crew seemed to take a break, and it was clear they were preparing to shoot outside the house (they took down a lot of the equipment that was attached to the house for the indoor shoot). We took the opportunity to walk up the hill to this cool little “general store”/cafe, where we got lunch. (Later from Carina’s instrgram I saw that Emily and Carina had been there just a few minutes before us.) I took a couple selfies there to document the experience ;)

By then it was maybe 4:00 or so and we kinda thought that Stephen was done filming for the day, but a crewmember had confirmed that Emily would still be shooting for the rest of the day, so we went back down to the set to see what we could see. I can’t remember if David had shown up at that point, but we knew he was still going to be filming, and I was crossing my fingers like crazy that he was going to film with both Emily and Stephen, but I was worried it might only be Emily.

When we got back to “our” spot outside the set, they had removed all the cables and equipment that previously had bordered the property. A second later, we found out why when a crewmember walked over - they were going to be filming outside, including the area where we had been standing all day.

And then they invited us to come on set.

SO WE WENT ON SET.

MY FRIENDS. THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW AMAZING IT WAS.

Those of you who are on the Discord server can (or have) read more about it, but honestly words can never do justice to how cool it was. So instead I’m just gonna list some things:

we were there for a total of one hour

I obviously didn’t get any photos because they made us put our phones away, of course

the crew was SO FRIENDLY and awesome, and I am so indebted to them for the experience of a lifetime

we got introduced to a BUNCH of crewmembers. The one crewmember who had sort of “adopted” us kept going out of her way to introduce us to literally everyone who stopped by - and we were right in the middle of the action so many many people stopped by. One person we got to talk to was Rebecca Rosenberg, the co-writer of both 7x15 and this episode, 7x22. So cool! She was very nice.

we also got introduced to actors, including:

David Ramsey!!!!! who talked to us and shook our hands

Caity Lotz! (Whose presence I wouldn’t have spoiled except that Carina already spoiled it on her instagram account, so I might as well share it now). She also shook our hands and talked to us.

they let us stay and watch while they filmed a scene. (I’ve decided not to generally spoil anything about the scene, because the crew were honestly so nice, and just in case, I don’t want to get any of them in trouble. Sorry. 😛) They positioned us in a spot where we could see:

two monitors that showed what the camera saw as it filmed

the camera itself, so we could see the camera as it filmed (honestly so cool)

the actual area and actors as they filmed the scene (so we could watch it “in real life” and on the screen at the same time!)

the director (Bam Bam!) and all the associated people, and we could hear all his directions straight from his mouth.

since we were right in the middle of the action for an hour, we saw a bunch of people coming and going, and standing around right next to us, including all the actors mentioned above, and Stephen, and his family (wife and daughter who, along with Caity, were seated right next to us for awhile - you can actually see on Carina’s instagram video the exact spot where we were standing - right by the metal leg of the pop-up canopy), and Emily! (more on that below)

the crewmember who had adopted us asked us if we had tried craft service, and when we said “no,” she basically insisted (lol) that we go to the craft service table and partake. (Seriously, they were so nice!). AND GUESS WHAT?? (Aside from watching the filming this is the other thing I will NEVER BE OVER). EMILY’S GOODBYE CAKE WAS THERE and they told us to have some!!! (The cake had a piece of chocolate on it with writing on it that said “Thanks for 7 Smoakin years” 😭😭😭😭) SO. YOU GUYS. I CUT A PIECE OF CAKE FOR MYSELF FROM EMILY’S CAKE. I TOOK A SLICE OF EMILY’S GOODBYE CAKE. I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT.)

but I did not eat the cake right away, because I knew the instant it was in my hand that I had to take a picture 😂 But I couldn’t take any pictures on set, obviously, so I just held onto it for an hour!! 😂😂😂

at one point after we had our cake, Emily walked by and looked at us and I kinda smiled at her and she said, “I heard it’s good!” (So, while I never did get to talk to her or get a photo, she did talk to me lol)

after the scene was filmed, they came over and told us that, because they were going to be filming dialogue next, we had to leave.

Here’s the photo of the cake, before I ate it. (I ATE A PIECE OF EMILY’S GOODBYE CAKE OMG).

That’s basically it. We stayed another hour or so after that, and we watched another scene be filmed from afar, but after that they needed us to go up the hill to get out of the shot, and we couldn’t see anything anymore. By then it had been a very, very long day and we had already had an amazing experience, so we decided to leave without trying to wait for Emily. We figured she was having an emotionally exhausting day, not to mention a busy day, with a full day of filming plus friends and family on set, so we decided the odds of us actually getting to see her were probably small anyway. So, with only that one regret, we left.

And that is the story of one of the most unexpectedly amazing days of my life, when I got to witness the filming of Arrow 7x22.

Special shout-out to the FAM who lived it vicariously with me - it wouldn’t have been half as fun without you! @msbeccieboo @lucyyh @faegal04 @1-crazy-dreamer @puck038 @stephswims @bookolicitynessa @chrissykins-for-the-win @it-was-a-red-heeler @tangled23works @mirkakaroliina and all of the Discord FAM. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! 💗💗💗💗

(and extra special shout out to @1-crazy-dreamer who just saved my ass with screencaps of this post when tumblr fucked up and ate a third of it - my hero!!)

[realisationanddoubt]

The binary: realisations and rants

Can we talk about the gender binary a bit? Of course we can. It’s my blog, we can talk about Naruto or the impossibility of clown cars if I wish. So I’ve been thinking a lot about me after my break up as, I suppose, is normal. Thanks to this I’ve stumbled across an identity crisis I’ve been putting off for years. I’m non-binary and that’s a weird thing to just non-chalantly write down for me. See, I’ve spent years talking about how I don’t really care about gender. As a bisexual, I’ve had the conversation numerous times. As a stereotypically effiminate person I’ve spoken many times about how I’m comfortable in myself acting however I want because the gender stereotypes hold no interest to me. But I’ve never really bothered to delve into why.

It’s taken awhile to come to terms with being non-binary. It’s like coming to terms with my sexuality all over again. As usual, I’ve been presented a choice. The sexuality and identity fairy came to me twice now and happily asked “men or women” and I, in classic me style, didn’t really pay attention to the fact that there was a clear binary choice and only half listening just replied “Oh, no thank you!”

It’s difficult to live in a world defined by binaries and then realise you’re not really interested in participating. When I very first realised I might be non-binary a couple of months back, I got lost in a strange narrative. Do I need to start wearing make up? Should I make myself more androgynous, shave my beard? How do I present as non-binary? Of course the answer (For me) is you don’t. I should have really known that from the start because I had to do the same thing with my bisexuality. It took many years to get from “How do I let everyone know I’m bisexual?” to “I don’t really care who knows what my sexuality is and I have no desire to share that information.” I’ve approached being non-binary much the same. I get that people are proud of their sexuality and identity and seriously, good for them. That must be a nice thing to have. Thing is I’m not particularly proud. Let me see if I can put this into words.

So for me, sexuality and identity are both very matter of fact. I’m not proud of either of those aspects of me but don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed. The idea of being proud of either of those things is, for me at least, the same as being proud of having curly hair or brown eyes. Sure, there was some emotional turmoil coming to terms with my sexuality and identity but it’s not like these are things I had to strive and work for. They’re just facts. I don’t really care if people call me he or they. They feels a bit more natural I guess but it doesn’t particulalry bother me being called he. And note, I get called he because I have a beard and a masculine build. When I was a teenager with heavy eyeliner and long flowing hair I got called miss and she a lot and that never particularly bothered me either. I’ve never particualraly felt some kind of rage at being misgendered. I don’t really care that people assume I’m straight (I kind of care in that way of, Jesus dude open your mind and stop making assumptions but not enough that I’ve felt the need to correct anyone.)

Though I wonder how much this is a story I tell myself. Just like it’s difficult telling yourself actually, you’re not any of the traditional genders, telling yourself you don’t really care about presenting and pronouns in a community that’s so fired up about them feels weird. 

“Welcome to the queer community! Would you like to be angry about misrepresntation of your sexuality or your identity?” The queer fairy politely but firmly asks.

“Ah, no thank you, I’ve already eaten.” Josh replies, not really paying attention to the climate or the question.

I even considered whether I’m supposed to change my name. Am I supposed to change my name to something a bit more androgynous? Maybe start calling myself Alex or Frankie or any other name that could be either gender? But I don’t want to. I’m just Josh. I’m a bisexual, non binary mess and Josh is my descriptor. 

Should I care more? Should I be fighting some war against ignorance? Am I somehow doing a disservice by not participating?

Not participating is basically my default. “Here lies Josh, they didn’t participate.”

I kind of make life more difficult for myself by not divulging these things. People have asked me before “Are you gay?” and I just reply “nope!”. Then I get annoyed that people just assume I’m straight despite literally never giving any evidence to the contrary. I guess it’s just a problem with the system. My sexuality and identity are improtant to me but they’re personal. I’m not going to talk about them to work colleagues or friends anymore than I’m going to talk about my kinks. 

“Hey Josh are you gay?” My well meaning but misguided colleague asks.

“Oh no, I’m bisexual, non-binary and I like scratching and biting during sex.”

You really going to just out your kinks like that online huh my dude? It should say enough about me that I feel a swell of anxiety to putting a fairly vanilla kink on a personal blog no one I know will ever read. Do I really want Tumblruser420 to know I like biting in bed? Feels like an overshare. 

This really became a bit of a deep dive into gender identity huh? I guess I’m just going through some stuff. 

Quick tangent, whenever I hear a noise in my house, despite having two cats that are always the cause, I need to check every room just in case. I even check the bathroom which only has one very small window next to the door. Just in case some sneak thief broke in through the plughole I guess. Some S’wit. Some N’wah.

God I’m just going through some Stuff y’know? I worry how much of my outlook might be down to internalised shame and not just non-chalant IDGAF attitude. I haven’t put Non-Binary on my tinder profile. I mean I have but I’ve set it not to show. I don’t know if that’s out of fear of being judged for it or simply because I haven’t come to terms with it myself. To be clear, I definitely haven’t come to terms with it myself yet. I have bisexual on my profile but I guess I’m still kind of ashamed of that.

Is it shame? I guess it’s more fear. Not like a fear for myself or my safety or anything. More a fear of people’s perceptions. It’s not even that I’m scared people will be shitty to me because of it. If that’s the kind of person they are, fuck them. I just don’t want to be “That queer one”. Does that make sense? I kind of hate to term cishet because it only seems to be used as derogatory but I need to use it a sec. I think the main reason I’m happy to just pass as cishet is because then I’m allowed to be a person. The second you’re something different that’s it. That defines you. I get it needs to be a conversation so people stop being ignorant and hateful but at the same time even just the discussion about it feels like it’s pushing me into this definition. Like being bi or being non-binary means I’m a certain kind of person. 

I guess it’s the classic tale of any ism. Racism, sexism, homophobia...ism. I am bisexual. I am non-binary. But I don’t want to be the bisexual. Being defined by something like that, something so out of your control... It feels so... dismissive? I’m not a person anymore. I’m not Josh. I’m a bisexual. I’m non binary. I’m white. I present as a man. All that shit. This is starting to become a rant on the construction of society as a whole and the role of privelege and what that means huh?

I’m creative, emotional, witty. That’s what I’m defined by. That’s who I am. I’m not just some pigeon hole word. Define me by my facets, not my facts.

Realisations are a funny thing. I have a lot of realisations in my life and mostly I like them but this one leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It’s not that I don’t care, that much is apparent after this rant. I’m just so tired of it. I avoid all the discourse and conversations about any kind of identity issues because I’m tired of defending myself. It doesn’t matter where you fall on the spectrum. These kind of labels aren’t useful. They’re just a method of pinning something to someone that says “Can I just hate this person out of hand.” and it’s rife. It’s everywhere and it’s all the same. I don’t care if you’re having a rant about black people or a rant about cishets. It’s all just vicious hate. We live in a world where people are so desperate to have someone to hate because they’re different. Whether that difference is in the majority or the minority it doesn’t matter. Hating all men or all straights or all whites is no different from hating all trans people or all queer people or all black people. Hating all millenials because they’re special snowflakes is no different from hating all boomers because they’re not progressive. It’s just pure hatred because they’re different. Just blanket statements attached to something someone can’t control to give you a reason to say “Oh don’t worry, I’m allowed to hate them”.

Maybe keeping my identity or my sexuality to myself makes me a coward. Fine. I refuse to participate in these wars of hatred. I just want to spend time with my cats, fall in love, help people and laugh. 

As always, as will be written on my gravestone one day, I refuse to participate. To all those people who fight for my ideal world on my behalf, thank you. To all those people on either side, progressive or traditional, just to hate one subset of people, go fuck yourselves. I’ll just be over here, trying to make the dying smile and trying to give people a little longer in this world to spend with the people they love.

That’s it. Rant over. I’m going to try and get another hour or two of sleep before work. I know it’s customary to drop the mic after a big speech but know if it felt like I did, I just fumbled putting it back into the mic stand and I’m trying to own it. If you look closely you’ll see that the blood has drained from my face and perspiration is clear on my forehead.

[softromxnce]

个胆小亲吻✧

Chapter five

- A Timid Kiss

Gif Credit: Credit to original owner(s)

Pairing: Yoongi Bangtan x Female Reader

Genre: Friends to Lovers au, angst

Warning(s): Swearing

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Y/N usually doesn’t miss dance practice, so naturally the boys are concern and make it their mission to find her.

Previous // Next // M.list

A/N: I suggest you start from the beginning to understand what is going on.

✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

Even his smooth deep voice that you longes for has disappeared, it’s all gone. Even the short lived sweet hopes are so faraway like a dream that not a single trace remains. The familiar endless loneliness, you know all too well, yeah that feeling.

Prayers that he had to swallow in, tired after a long, harsh day. You’ll hold him when he’s broken down again. His tightly shut lips and anxious hands. You can’t hide it, you’re alone in fear that is all too familiar.

After the cold wind blows, you both will remain just as beautiful. Your colorful memories and even your pain will shine through the darkness. Endless loneliness, you know that feeling all too well. Those hopeful prayers that he had to swallow in. Those tired after a long, harsh day. You promise that you’ll hold you when he’s broken.

“Yoongi, I will hold you once again. You, who resembles me, I’ll hold your fragile body in my arms.”

✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

[2:30pm / The dance squad point of view]

The breeze from the wind knocks against the window pane causing a muffle knock to bounce around the room. The sky is gray just like yesterday night, but the shade is a little more lighter compared to yesterday’s little shower. The sound of wind fills up the nearly empty streets of Seoul, nothing could be heard besides the sound of cars driving up and down the bare roads and the occasional honking.

“Where is Y/N, hyung? She isn’t one to miss practice.” Jungkook asked Hoseok, who was pacing back and forth with his hands in his hair. Jungkook scanned the area, Jimin was in the corner of the room with his knees pressed up against his chest while holding his rose gold phone vertically in his hands, staring intensely at it. Turning his attention back to Hoseok, who was staring out the window pacing back and forth.

Usually, the dance practice room is filled with laughter, the squeaking of the shoes from them trying to learn a new piece that their company demands them to learn, along with blaring music accompanied with banging from their combination is now strangely silence only filled with their breathing and Hoseok’s footsteps.

Jungkook only answered by a silent answer along with a huff, his back collided with the mirror, sliding his body down with his knees against his chest. He watched as the hand of the clock that should be frozen, advancing, step by step, moving on. With each tick his heartbeat increases as it filled with worry, his throat gets dry each second he decides to stay quiet. Terrified to upset his hyung even further.

Ever since they were in high school, they have been dance partners because of their similar dancing styles and how compatible they both are as a team.You would be the leader or the center and you never miss any meetings without giving them a heads up. Next, Hoseok would be in the first line or center with you or main choreographer.

Lastly, Jungkook would be a backup dancer and the backup choreographer along with Jimin, who would be the planner with their location meet up after school. They both love dancing to an extant, if they need to, they would dance for a living and not complain.

When the teacher would pair them up for assignments, the teacher would sometimes separate them only for the teacher be forced to pair them together due to their whining. Even after the assignment, they would hang out, gossip about others and have sleepovers with Jin, Namjoon and Taehyung.

✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

Hoseok’s fist collided with the ledge of the window, earning a bang making Jungkook and Baby J. (Jimin) jump with their eyes widen, meeting their hyung who is leaned over the ledge, worry and anger radiating off of him. They watch in fear as Hoseok leans up on his hands pushing his weight on them as he gets up facing Jimin first.

“Did you text her yet? If you can’t get an answer, text Jin.” Hoseok’s voice sharp and rough, his eyes cold and unreadable. Jungkook walked over to Hoseok before he even turned over, Jungkook rubbed his back trying to calm him down. Turning his attention to Baby J., he observed as he shrunk into his corner afraid of Hoseok’s next move.

“Hoseok hyung, maybe if-,” the sound of a ping from his phone cut him off, letting out a long sigh, he dug in his back pockets for his phone, once grabbing it. He scanned the text with Jimin, standing on his tiptoes peering over his shoulder and Hoseok on the other side, reading the message.

✄

[2:45pm]

[Small hyung from Dageu:] I need to talk to you both, I’m like 2 seconds away from the practice room. So yeah.…

Soon as the eyes of the three boys scanned over the text message, the door to the practice room creaked open causing all three boy to crane their next towards the door in sync.

It felt as all source of time has stopped working as they stare down the door opening slowly with a creak that revealed Yoongi. His pitch black hair disheveled, like he ran his hand through his hair twenty times, his eyes swollen and red from crying himself to sleep and crying from when he woke up. To be honest, he looked like absolute shit.

They all stare at each other momentarily in complete silence before Jungkook shyly strolled over to Yoongi, with his sweaty palms that are being wiped down on his sweats, gaze fixated down, afraid to look at him, meanwhile the other two stayed in place, staring in aw.

Jungkook shyly casts his gaze upwards, taking a closer look at the oldest. Yoongi casually watched as the youngest’s chocolate color orbs darted across his face, mostly staring into his eyes attempting to read them or find any trace of emotion or explanation, only to find nothing. Jungkook found himself at a lost for words as Hoseok strolls up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder before glancing over in Jimin’s direction, beckoning him over with a wave of the hand.

“What happened hyung? Why do you look…how do I say this – like shit?” Hoseok questioned, his voice shaky, not once making eye contact while talking.

Carefully his chocolate orbs scanning up and down his small frame, shoving his hands in his back pockets of his gray sweatpants. A momentarily silence welcomes itself into the room, before Jimin breaks it with a cough. In sync, all heads snapping towards him with an eyebrow raised, watching as Jimin’s cheeks become tinted with a rosy pink as his cheeks swallow his eyes from his embarrassed smile stretching across his face.

“Well, I might as well tell you,” Yoongi coughed out before ordering them to sit down on the floor, sitting down together. Yoongi clasp his hands together, taking a deep breath before continuing. Yoongi explained the situation that occurred yesterday, in much detail but without usage of your name. Describing the emotions that went through his body, starting from confusion, betrayal, heartbreak, disappointed and conflicted. He also described the beginning of it, how she wanted him to sneak into her house with someone’s knowledge.

“So that’s what happened? Damn, hyung.” They all breathed out, their eyes wide as frisbees. Their emotions all different, from Jungkook who’s jaw seemed like it was hanging off by the muscle attaching the jaw to the skull, then Jimin, who’s expression looked puzzled and Hoseok, his iconic J-nope expression is written all over his face.

They all are surprised for obvious reasons, who would expect Yoongi to be in a romantic relationship or anything near that. From afar, he seems like the person who would wish you to fall down a set of stairs and land on a pair of open scissors if you anger the small man. It’s a damn miracle if he finds someone who takes an interest in him and actually stays around him.

“I gotta go, I have a memopad at home with Namjoon. I promised him I’ll help continue the song, so bye.”

✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

[3:21pm]

[Dance Squad aka the hoe squad:] Fucking F/N L/N! Where are youuuuu ☹️☹️☹️☹️????? We miss you, baby.

The sound of everyone’s phone pinging echoes through the room, causing Hoseok to literally jump out of his skin. The youngest ones glare up at Hoseok, who let out a yelp as well, casting disapproval glances at the startled man. Momentarily they all stare at each other before staring at the clock, complaining how you haven’t responded yet, which usually you’re the type of person who would always be on their phone and respond by now. A grunt from Jimin and Jungkook is heard as Hoseok texted Jin.

[3:31pm]

[Broad Shoulder Jin:] Do you have an idea where Y/N is, hyung?

✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

[Y/N’s point of view]

You empty your drink but it gets filled with loneliness once again. You should’ve turned it off, why didn’t you? Even the trash bag being thrown away on the street outside your street makes a lonely sound in the wind. All you did was color him in your white, a blank piece of paper, but then you realize that it already became a finished paper. You and him are similar to cell phones, when you both are apart, you know you’ll be broken. Only his scent completes you. So, can he hurry up and hug you? You can only see him, in your mind. You can only see him alone. Look, why can’t he realize that you’re fair with everyone else but him. Now you can’t live a day without him, please come back.

Can he come back, hold you tight, hug you. Can he trust you, can he trust you, can he trust you again? Pull you in tighter than before. His arms wrapped around your body, pulling you closer into his chest, holding you tight. Can he possibly trust you, can he trust you again? At this point you don’t care, you beg for him to come, pull you in and hug you.

He still shines, he’s still like a scented flower. Now can he trust you once again, so you can feel him, holding you. Without him, you can’t possibly breathe. You’re nothing without him. He opened your closed heart, can he open it again and drench it? So you can feel him holding you. His arms, his warmth, his heart you melted. You desperately want to see it all, you feel as you’re begging him. This moment, even the warm flower scented wind, even the sky without a single cloud, everything feels so cold and you’re even scared of the clear sky. If he isn’t here, you’re just a damn useless corpse, so how can you breathe?

It hurts, you constantly cry, cry and cry. You’re going crazy, exhausted without him. You think of him without stopping. You hate it all, you hate it every single damn day. It makes you upset and cry. If there’s a chance, you’ll catch him. You’re running, it’s starting, count down. You’ll be ready to be cut by your rose-like embrace, as you’ll hold him again.

He’s only in your mind so you only see him. You can only see him alone. It’s a pity he can’t see that you’re only fair with everyone else besides him. Now you can’t live a day without him, please come back? You ache for him to hold you tight just like he did the night before. Can he trust you again? Possibly not but still can he trust you? Pull you in tight, hold you tighter than before, hug you tightly?

His familiar cold face tells you everything rather than words. You can see a break up rising over you like a high tide. You know it would be soon be your last but you can’t let him go. Don’t talk, don’t leave, just quietly holding you, Yoongi.

✄ ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

[10:39pm]

[Broad Shoulder Jin:] I got her, Yoongi hurt her. She will be find, just come over and bring Yoongi. We need to talk.

[lysitheaioandeuropa]

All the vday questions ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

happy vday sis!!!!!

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?- eh, kind of. lmao

2: Have you ever been deeply in love?- 50005% yes. god that can do shit to your heart bro

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?- 2 years seems to be my typical expiration date

4: Have you ever changed for someone?- i have changed something for someone, yes

5: How is your relationship with your ex?- nonexistent lmfao

6: Have you ever been cheated on?- not that i know of

7: Have you ever cheated?- unfortunately

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?- probably not

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?- everything that comes to mind are all equally important

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?- oh it rly depends if the mood strikes or what. i’m usually not into relationships at all and when i get into them they come at me so fucking left field and next thing i know i’m planning a future and shit. it’s literally only happened a couple of times

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?- i believe in needing space and if someone says they need it then maybe they should be warranted that much.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?- it’s 2k18 and you’re really still asking for a body count

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?- i regret not being completely honest about my wants/needs

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?- “kids” shouldn’t be having sex, lol. but idk, whatever floats their boat. 16?

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?- if it’s likelegal and within reason, yes. and rly does depend on the dynamic considering that a lot of the time it isn’t genuine and is a power move.

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?- maybe not love, but the way my heart did summersaults when she first smiled at me? incredible.

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?- been there done that, yes. it works out

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?- idk, i’m pretty open minded. but snooping is definitely one lmao

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?- i don’t.

20: Are you currently in a relationship?- is that what they call it nowadays?

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?- i think there is room for attempt. but it is difficult to work out

22: Do you think people should date their friends?- if they grow genuine feelings for one another, of course

23: How many relationships have you had?- 4?

24: Do you think love can last forever?- i do not fucking know bro, i doubt that shit daily like i wonder how people rly be out here in love for 50 years

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?- nah fam, wtf

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?- nope

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?- stop forcing shit, don’t date boys you just are not that into, and when you are into one really sit down and think about that bc it’s not normal to think they’d be perfect if only they were a woman

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?- yes

29: What do you notice first about another person?- physical appearance usually. first think i noticed about her was her height, then her face, then her smile

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?- i think pan is most accurate; i can be physically attracted to just about anyone, and not just “two genders” as bi entails. i do have a muuuch stronger leaning toward women though, so i just say i’m gay it rly covers all bases

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?- i don’t think it would and i think/know i could be understanding and supportive. however, i can see how it can take a toll on someone normal, so i can’t imagine on myself, with everything i already have as well. we’d both need to have very healthy coping skills and be getting help and working/communicating with one another, especially if i’m already doing all of the above, they certainly should as well

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?- yes and it sucked. thank GOD it was a bit short lived. he is hands down my worst, slimiest ex and just no i would never again

33: Do you want to get married one day?- i don’t fucking know

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?- fuck no

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex?- most likely cannot, but it depends on me, my sex drive is all over the place but has been more steady recently

36: Are you still a virgin?- nah

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?- both are, but i might go with personality

38: Do you enjoy love films?- no i don’t lol horror all the way

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses?- not roses, but other flowers yes

40: Have you ever had a valentine?- this year i had two lmao (one of them was my roommate before y'all wanna assume i’m hoein’ since that’s how y'all are)

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?- we’re sitting in a blanket, on a rooftop, with the view of the space needle and mountains and cityscape in front of us. fleetwood mac is playing in the background and we’re singing along. i’m laying in her lap, she’s playing with my hair and we’re holding hands. we’re alone, and talking about our future, and our dream house, and things to do together when we’re back home. maybe sandy is with us, considering she’s so well behaved. we’re telling each other stories we haven’t shared with one another yet, and every now and again we share deep and lingering kisses. she’s looking at me like i am literally the only person on earth and there is so much love in her eyes and it is 1000% mutual. her smile and her laughter alone bring me joy. i tell her how much i love her, how she means the entire world to me, and she tells me the same. we stay on the rooftop and watch the sunset over the city and my heart is just so, so, so full. i know she’s right next to me, and we can’t get any closer, but something inside still makes me miss her and yearn for her. we share one last kiss before we leave the seclusion of the rooftop, and walk our way back to our room, taking in more of the sights. we have a glass of wine together, or coffee (since that’s our thing), and we’re together freely, without side glances or judgement on either of us. she’s the light of my life; we’re happy.

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?- more than once

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends?- depends really, i think you need balance

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?- idk about romantic but i can be nice? lol

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends?- i would date this one girl in a heartbeat LMAO, but just bc she is dead ass a 10/10. besides that fuck no all my friends are way too fucking emotional and just not my type and just no. the guys aren’t much of a step up

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”?- lmao, in middle school but i wasn’t too hurt by it, they were cool to be friends with. (if i were a nigga i feel like this answer would be far from this)

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite?- i used to stan johnny and winona. besides that i really don’t care enough

48: What’s your favorite love song?- 505. lmao idk if that even counts. dreams by fleetwood mac (even tho it is kinda a break up song but i love it)

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?- so i have been told

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?- there are levels to this shit, how much of a douche bag is he really? does he just neglect me but i have access to all the money? bc i would do that.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?- no considering my advice is always “dump him. drop them. leave her” lmao. it has gotten me into trouble a number of times

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?- my niggaaaaa, FAR from it lmao. i really fucking THRIVE when i’m alone, but even relationship me looks at other couples like “tsk tsk”

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?- on social media, not really. though i would be skeptical of someone who goes out of their way to deliberately not post their partner

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?- i can be, but i do chose to hardly ever act on it. shit will irk me and i will know it is irrational or dumb or makes no sense so i’ll try to dismiss it myself, mostly for fear of being called crazy for having and displaying the emotions i’m going through but it is what it is

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?- i have. not malintentionally

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?- no, not at all. all things considered if someone already has mental health issues a bad breakup can trigger a relapse in depression - etc. is it rational and a good thing? fuck no. but i wouldn’t take it as lightly as to call it silly and dismiss it. get yourself or the other person help.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?- independent as fuck but not tryna step on my partner’s toes either. i think we both have to be dominant. maybe me a bit more. (also, i am soooo talking in regards to personalities and not sex for you weirdos out there).

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?- i have not, i can still give you exact dates from years ago

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?- none of my business if it floats your boat

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?- i am by far the least family oriented person in existence so, my partner.

62: How do you define “cheating”?- anything your partner doesn’t want you doing;any boundaries you wouldn’t want crossed

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?- no. maybe i bit unexpected if anything if you guys live together and can have sex/try new things on a daily basis

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?- it’s whatever. i always do something but i’m not wild about it like some other people

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?- big time. i cuddle sandy 25/8

[ahodgepodge]

A Difficult Distance- Shawn Mendes Imagine

A/n: My first Shawn imagine! I’m considering a part 2, but we will see how many requests I get for it. I hope you enjoy this little thing I whipped up in a half an hour and didn’t proof read :’D 

WARNINGS: Literally like none except for it potentially sucking since I didn’t even proof read it... 

“I love you baby.”

“I love you too Shawn, now go be a super-star” you say as you finish up your seemingly short phone call. With him on his Illuminate tour you have barely gotten to see or even hear him. Sure you were happy he was out living his dream, but you missed him… a lot.

“Just two more months” you say softly to yourself. If you can make it through 6 months of this, two more should be a piece of cake, right?

***

A week passed by, and to someone like Shawn time was flying by, but to you it felt like an eternity. Work dragged on, your coworkers always asking you what it’s like to date someone famous. Not to mention the constant messages from your mom asking when you and Shawn would stop by for dinner, and you having to always remind her that he won’t be back for a while.

This past week you got a total of 4 texts and 5 snapchats from Shawn. Yes he was busy, but throughout the beginning stops of his tour he made sure to message you every chance he had and to leave you cute voice messages for you to wake up to. Instead you saw countless of his posts on twitter thanking fans and saying how much fun he is having. You even saw a few candids of him with some girl that you presumed be some sort of model.

“Come on (y/n) we are going out tonight” your best friend says eagerly. She was the only one who seemed to understand how hard the past few months have been on you, she was the only who cared.

“Can’t we just stay in and have a wine and movie night” you beg even though it was helpless.

“Nope not going to happen. We have done that every Friday night for the past 6 months, so today we are getting you some air and some crappy alcohol at a cheap bar. Now get dressed… and at least try to look nice.”

Although you lacked the motivation to get ready, your friend had a point. You’ve literally been hiding out in your apartment every night ever since Shawn left. Tearing through your closet you settle on the perfect little black dress and your signature vans. Your makeup was minimal compared to your friend’s but you still felt confident in your look.

“Finally, I swear this is the first time you’ve looked hot in months” she says sarcastically.

“Oh shut up, let’s get going” you banter back. Your friend offered to drive because she wanted you to drink whatever you wanted and however much you wanted.

***

The bar was fairly crowded and the music was loud. You each comfortably find a seat along the main bar counter and immediately order drinks. You two hadn’t even been there for ten minutes before a man comes up and approaches you.

“Hello ladies, what brings you here tonight” he asks smugly.

“Well ya see my friend here is sad, and she could use a little pick me up” your friend jokes.

“Why don’t you two let me buy you a round then?” He calls over the bartender and we give him our order and quickly finish up our first drinks. Minutes pass by as your friend is making flirtatious small talk with the stranger who is obviously hitting on her as well. However, you couldn’t be any less interested then you are now and just start nonchalantly scrolling through your phone while they talk.

“Can I get you a refill” the bartender asks, brining you out of focus from your phone. When you look up you give a small nod and turn to see your friend and the stranger are no longer by you. Instead they are now on the dance floor grinding on one another, and you start to question just how many drinks your friend has already had.

“This one’s on the house” the bartender says while handing over the drink. He gave you a look of pity as he could tell that there was something bugging you, but you just shrugged it off. You down the drink in a matter of minutes and feel a warm tingle take over your body. A daze begins to consume you as the alcohol flows through your veins. A constant ringing of your phone helps to break you out of your buzz.

“Hello” you answer without even looking at the screen.

“Hey baby what are you up to?”

“Shawn! What are you doing calling me, isn’t it like super early in the morning for you?”

“No it’s like 11pm” he says casually.

“How is that even possible” you ask completely confused. Sure you weren’t great at knowing all the time zones, but there was no way that France was the same time as you. Before you even had time to process what he was talking about, you feel two strong arms wrap around your body. Turning around quickly, you almost fall off your chair in excitement when you see your boyfriend standing right behind you.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here” you exclaim while embracing him in a giant hug. His arms stay wrapped around you tightly and he fills your body with warmth.

“Well when I realized that there is still about two more months of tour, I knew there would be no way I could make it without seeing you at least once.” There was a comfortable pause between the two of you as you soaked up each other’s embrace. In the corner of your eye you see your friend smiling at you with a thumb up, there’s no doubt she helped set this up.

“I missed you so much (y/n), you have no idea” he coos.

“I’ve missed you so much too, I’ve just felt incomplete since you’ve been gone” you say with a sad tone to your voice. A frown appears on Shawn’s face as he feels a pang of guilt for making you feel this way while he’s been gone. It was never your intention to make him upset, but you couldn’t hold in your emotions any more.

Few words are exchanged between you and Shawn as you wave goodbye to your friend and walk out to his car. Shawn drives you two back to your apartment so that you can be alone for the short time you have together.

“I’m really sorry” he says so softly you weren’t even certain that’s what he had said.

“Don’t be” you stammer out.

“(Y/F/N) told me all about how you’ve been feeling lately and I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I didn’t mean to stop messaging you or ignore you. My cell service was just really bad in the last few cities and I’ve also been so busy filming the music video that I neglected the one thing I truly love.”

“Oh my gosh, I totally forgot about the music video” you mumble, a confused face coming across Shawn’s face. “I kept seeing pictures of you on social media with some sort of model, but she must be the girl from the music video…”

“Did you think I was cheating on you” he states more sternly than you expected.

“No of course not, I trust you with all my heart. It’s just she looks so perfect and beautiful, I just didn’t want to lose you to her.”

“Don’t you see you never will. I am all yours. In fact, you’re stuck with me now and forever.” Your face turns a rosy red as he places a soft kiss to the top of your head. “I have a surprise for you.”

“But I thought you were my surprise” you joke.

“Well there’s more. (Y/F/N) and I already figured it out with work so now all you have to do is pack-“

“Pack?” you interrupt.

“Yes pack. You’re coming to Paris with me for a week.” He flashes to plane tickets and a smile of excitement.

“I’m so insanely lucky to have you” you gush.

“Well I don’t know where I’d be without you by my side, so it’s the least I could do.” Shawn pulls you in for a much needed kiss and you can feel your body coming to life once again. Your lips stay attached, as shaky breaths attempt to escape.  Shawn lifts you up to the counter so that he as better access to your soft lips. His hands reach your lower back as yours find their way to his neck. Just as things start to intensify between the two of you Shawn pulls away leaving you in a heated mess.

“You need to pack” he says a bit out of breath. “We have an 8-hour flight so there is plenty of time for this to continue.” He sends you a smirk and walks towards your bedroom while you just sit there wishing he could have waited at least a few more minutes…

[superteenwolftrash]

With Me/Damon Salvatore Fluff/Part Two

Most of these are taken from my Wattpad account! (Twtrash01)

Send me requests for the following Fandoms: Teenwolf, Vampire Diaries, Dolantwins, OUAT(Peter Pan, Robbie Kay, Supernatural, Suicide Squad, The 100. Basically I’ll write for any fandom. I’ll write non-smut as well. Be specific in what you want! *I DON’T OWN ANY GIFS*

Part 1

Request:  Omg please do a part two to "With Me"!!!! I loved it!!!!

This is shitty. 

My mind was a blank slate. I felt nothing, not an ounce of pain. I was numb and I loved it. After that night I'd gone off the deep end, but I felt no guilt. I'd left a trail of bodies up and down the coast. I knew Damon would never turn off his emotions, he was too weak. I had been in Mystic falls since I left over three months ago. There was no doubt that Damon was looking for me, along with everyone else. I thought I'd just save them the trouble and bring myself to the party. I strolled on into the Salvatore boarding house, where literally everyone happened to be. Stefan, Caroline, Elena, Bonnie, Alaric, Matt, Jeremy, and Damon. "Gotta say I'm hurt that I wasn't invited." I say with a pout. Everyone just stared at me as if I was a stranger. "Aw Jer come on." I said with a smirk, they turned their attention to Jeremy who was reaching for a his crossbow. "Where have you been?" Damon asked, "Had I not made my presence known?" I say, scratching my head as if I was thinking. "Yikes! I'll have to work on that. Now I'm aware you're all looking for me, Why?" I ask curiously. "Well thanks to Damon we've got a ripper on our hands." Alaric spoke up. "Oh yeah. Bad call Damon. It's so hard keeping their head attached, isn't it Stefan?" I asked with a smirk. "And bad call on that top Care." I said and she looked down at her shirt and scoffed. "Come on guys. Aren't you happy to see me?" I said taking a step forward, "What happened to you?" Damon asked and I rolled my eyes. "What? I'm having a great time!" I smiled, "Well anyway I would really appreciate if you guys would stop trying to stop my fun, Okay? Great! Glad we got that covered." I said walking further into the living room, grabbing the bottle of bourbon. "You know we can't let you do that." Stefan stated, I turned towards Damon. I leaned into Damon's ear, "Remember what you promised me." I whispered in his ear, pulling away with a smirk on my face. "Or what?" Damon said through his clenched teeth. "Or-" I paused looking around, breaking one of the wooden chairs. I got myself a stake and I held it at my heart, "Or I die." I simply stated, "Y/N stop this!" Bonnie yelled, but all I focused on was Damon. I could see the mental debate that he was having. "Damon Don't!" Stefan warned. "You wouldn't." Damon challenged, I raised a brow. "You think I'm bluffing?" I said pushing the stake further into my chest, groaning in pain. "Wait wait okay!" Damon said quickly. "Come find me when you do." I smirked, throwing the piece of wood into Caroline's stomach before getting out of there. Pretty productive night I'd say, not even twenty minutes later Damon showed up in town square. "Fancy meeting you here." I said with a smile, he took quick strides towards me. "Still gonna try to get me back?" I asked curiously, "Yup." Damon stated, once he got to me he looked me over. He smashed his lips against mine, our mouths moved messily together before I showed him off. "If I don't get you back I'll have Stefan and them all on my ass and if you hadn't noticed my ass is pretty nice." Damon said cockily, I knew I had him. "We'll see about that. Where to first?" I asked with a smirk, "Think fast!" Damon smirked. I looked at him confused until I felt a sting in my back, I reached my hand around and pulled out the needle that was previously filled with vervain. I groaned, "You think I don't drink vervain everyday?" I seethed, dropping the needle on the ground and stomped it. The neck thing I knew somebody was snapping my neck. I woke up in that cell in the basement of the Salvatore house. "You've gotta be kidding me!" I shouted, "You never turned it off!" I said angrily, "Nope." Damon said with a smirk. "You know you promised you that you'd show me how great life can be. Well I found out by myself because you lied." I struggled to get out of the vervain ropes. "I should've never told you to flip the switch." Damon said quietly, "Well guess what I've never been happier!" I shouted, "Yeah? Well just wait because the guilt that is going to hit you like a truck will show you otherwise." Damon threaten. "Guilt? Why? I enjoyed killing each and every one of those people." I said with a laugh. "How do you expect to get me to turn it back on? Huh?" I asked, Damon just shook his head and left the room. I screamed for hours I think it was hours, it feels like I've been down here for weeks. I'm hungry and I'm weak. Most of all I'm pissed. "Here she is." I heard Stefan's voice, accompanied by Damon. I found the strength to open my eyes, "Wow Darling you look like you've seen better days." He said grabbing my face, "Klaus." I seethed, "So your plan was to get the vervain out of my system and then have Klaus compel me, Is that it? I've gotta say I'm impressed." I said sarcastically. "Look at me, love." Klaus said as he jerked my face to look at him. "Turn it back on. Flip your switch." Klaus told me, I fought as hard as I could but that did me no good. Seconds later I was overcome with this terrible feeling I can only describe as death. Every persons face that I killed flashed through my eyes, I hadn't even realized that I was screaming. I froze literally I couldn't move. "What's wrong with her?" I heard Damon ask. "Probably experiencing some flashbacks. I don't know. Tell Caroline she owes me dinner." Klaus explained. They all walked out of the room and I acted as fast as my body would allow. I smashed the chair I was tied to and my hands became free, I grabbed a piece of the chair and I held it to my heart. "Y/N!" Damon shouted as he came in, my body was shaking, my vision was blurry. "I can't do this. I can't." I shuddered, "Please let me help you." Damon said as he grabbed the wood from my hands, "No!" I screamed as he held me tightly. "Let me die! Please! Let me die!" I cried, "I can't lose you." Damon whispered.