#ultimately they probably know this isn’t ideal

[amee-racle-ofmyown]

I don't wanna be perfect (I just want to be good enough for you)

Heist!Mark x reader (can be read as platonic or romantic) | Words: 694

You are curled into your heist partner's side in the living room area of your shared base, mindlessly scrolling on your phone, when he asks you something out of the blue.

‘Do you think– are we… good people?’

You turn to face him, shutting off your phone screen, and raise an eyebrow.

‘Who are you and what've you done with Mark?’

‘Come on, I'm serious.’ You give him a baffled look and he sighs. ‘I never really thought about it all that much, I guess. I think I always just sorta accepted it? I sorta fell into this profession because it was fun and it paid the bills — I mean, don't get me wrong, I love what we do. I love the thrill, and I love the satisfaction of getting away with our loot scott-free. But I dunno… Recently I've been thinking. Is it bad that I enjoy this job? Am I a good person?’

It's a fair question, you suppose. You understand where he's coming from, but you're sure you both knew what you were getting into when you started this lifestyle, and once you've been doing it for so long it's hard to even begin to think of doing anything else, let alone the difficulty that would come with becoming an honest, working citizen without getting caught and sentenced for your many transgressions.

‘I mean, we're thieves, Mark — regular, organised criminals. We're not exactly heroes’ — you jab him lightly with your elbow — ‘as much as you like to act like one.’

He chuckles at that. There is a light-hearted smile on your face that is soon replaced with a more thoughtful expression. You cast your gaze away from him as you continue.

‘I think good and bad are kinda relative and subjective. The average person probably wouldn’t consider us good people, and yeah, I can't say we're necessarily good, but I don't think we're terrible either. I mean, I wouldn't want to actually hurt anyone. Would you?’

‘No,’ he says quickly. ‘No… Unless someone gave me a reason to.’

‘Well, that's fair. I think that's the same for most people.’

You pause, fiddling with the hem of his sweater. You don't recall at what point your fingers involuntarily found the edge of his clothes, but the familiar texture grounds you. ‘Yeah, we might not be good people per se, but I don't think that makes us bad people exactly, either.’ You meet his eyes again, with all the earnestness you can. ‘I don't think you are, at least,’ you add softly.

‘I don't think you are either,’ he says, and his tone is gentle but unwavering. You feel warm.

You offer a good-natured smile, attempting to turn the conversation in a lighter direction.

‘You know, in our defence, we mostly rob museums and super rich people. I don't think we need much justification to steal from the hella rich, and most stuff in museums is stolen anyway,’ you say matter-of-factly.

He laughs, loud and genuine, and the sound only warms you further.

‘Y'know, you're not wrong…’

‘But seriously,’ you ask, ‘what got you thinking about all this?’

‘I…’ he starts, voice low again, hesitant. ‘I don't know.’

But he does know, he thinks to himself, as he looks into your eyes. He often finds himself wondering what kind of person he is in those eyes.

It's you, he thinks. It's all you.

You break the entirely-too-long and yet far-too-short period of eye contact in favour of returning to your former position, nestled into his side. You lean into him and he places an arm around you, his thumb gently brushing wherever it can reach. You don't think all that much of it, but he's warm and comfortable and safe, and the way you fit together feels like home.

He thinks you're probably right; the idea of a good or bad person isn't something set in stone. And his and your standards measured against anyone else's would certainly differ.

But he finds that he doesn't really care what anyone else thinks of him.

As long as his best friend, his partner, still likes him enough to keep sticking around, that's enough for him.

[thegoogoomuckkk]

melodic -> what music do they play when you two get to it? -> choso kamo, kento nanami, kiyotaka ijichi, satoru gojo, shiu kong, suguru geto, sukuna ryomen, takuma ino, toji fushiguro

“music? you’d like me to play music while we have sex?” choso & his bluntness never ceases to embarrass you.

“well not if you don’t want to, it was just a suggestion. it might make things less awkward for you, you know?”

flash forward to that night, he’s got you sitting on his lap, he leans over to push play on his phone, & you burst out laughing.

“is something wrong? do you not like this song?”

“…cho, it’s shake it off by taylor swift.” he nods, so eager.

“i know, isn’t it such a good song?” & you just can’t say anything, not when he looks so excited, hopeful that you’re pleased with him for his song choice. so you spend the night orgasming to choso’s spotify pump you up playlist.

needless to say, you picked the music from then on.

if music is something you wanted, or that made you more comfortable, of course he’d play it, but nanami isn’t a big music listener. & ultimately, anything that takes away even an ounce of his attention from fucking you senseless isn’t ideal for him.

but if you requested, or he thought to try it, he’d probably find some lofi playlist on youtube, turn it on, & completely forget about it. something relaxing, so that after he’s content with how ruined you are, he can tickle your back & play with your hair until you fall asleep.

but sometimes an ad comes on because no way is nanami paying for youtube premium, even if he is loaded as hell, which frustrates him so thoroughly that he just shuts the laptop altogether & tosses it on the floor.

kiyotaka's so genuinely concerned about it the entire time. he’s done far too much research about this; he looked on multiple different music streaming services for the best playlists to listen to when having sex. after mulling through the hundreds of lists that include songs by megan thee stallion & xxx by kim petras, he finds something he thinks is…suitable. at least, it’s not too on the nose.

but he’s barely gotten your shirt off before a ke$ha song comes on, & kiyotaka turns beet red.

“I-I’m sorry, if you don’t like this song, I can ch-change it,” & he’s so flustered, so embarrassed.

“kiyo, we don’t have to play music, sweetie,” you coo, & he knows you’re teasing him, just a little bit, but he’s so grateful anyway.

“oh, thank god.”

gojo thinks he’s just soooo funny.

he’s three fingers deep, his spit dripping down your chin as he kisses you, humping your leg, when you push back against his shoulder & roll your eyes. “satoru, really? sexyback? justin timberlake?”

his grin is shit-eating. “what, princess? this song doesn’t get you going? your pretty girl’s telling me otherwise with how she’s clenching around my fingers.”

“fuck off.”

“no, no, if this isn’t doin’ for you, I'll change it.” you bite back a moan & smack a pillow across his face when all through the night by boyz ii men turns on.

shiu actually probably has pretty good music taste. he hates the term “indie,” but he’s also not into super mainstream stuff. & sure, maybe he wants to show off his music to you. . .just don’t say that.

he likes things with a heavy bass & not many lyrics, he doesn’t want anything distracting him from how good you feel. he controls the playlist, though, he never lets you pick the music.

“because last time you chose the music, I fucked you to the beat of the tarzan soundtrack by phil collins.” he’s scrolling through apple music, queuing up some of his favorites.

“but—“

“don’t even start with me, doll. I don’t care how much you like those songs, it was fucking gross, listening to a disney movie soundtrack with my dick in you.”

“well, you didn’t have to make it weird, shiu.” you folded your arms, pouting.

“it was weird to begin with!”

“you’re really aging yourself here, sugu,” you tease. you didn’t even recognize half the songs he played with how old they were. because, quote, “music was just better back then.” yeah, back before he was even alive. but try tellin’ that to van halen over here. 

“this is a great song, babe. sorry that you don’t have good taste.”

“coming from the man with the taste of a 50 year old divorced man.” it was cute, how he could have you moaning around his dick & then arguing about music within the same couple of minutes. had he even finished? you couldn’t remember, & you were busy now. 

“hey! divorced dad rock is a great genre of music.”

“not when I'm sucking you off, loser.” 

“well, when I'm giving you head, you can pick the song, how about that? but when you’re sucking my dick, I control the speaker.” at this point, it's simply an immaturity contest.

“no, sugu, I cannot deepthroat your cock to ac/dc ever again. or any song with an electric guitar solo.”

“‘kuna, what the fuck is this?” you mutter, leaning to squint at the screen of your laptop. “sounds of war & explosion, 10 hour asmr version?”

“you asked me to play something, woman, & now you’re complaining?” he drags you by your chin back to his lips.

“i meant something like music. . .but sure, make me seem like the weird one in this situation.” you shrug, & he hates this sarcasm you’re so fond of.

“weird? what is weird about this?” & you almost feel bad because he looks a little upset that you don’t like his creepy asmr.

“i genuinely cannot tell if you’re being serious. I'm not a kink shamer, ‘kuna, but this is fuckin’ weird.”

“shut up, woman, you will cease to care once I put my cock in you.”

you shrug. “fair enough.”

takuma's eating you out from behind, a personal favorite of his, when you’re turning your head at an uncomfortable angle as the first notes of a new song play.

“if you, if you could return. . .”

“t-takuma,” you attempt to speak. “why are playing linger?”

it takes him a moment to come out of it, too entranced by your cunt. “wh-what? I thought you loved this song,” & he looks so sincerely confused why you’d be bothered. frankly, he’d tuned the music out completely. how could he think about anything else but this?

“yeah, when we’re in the car or something, not when you’re eating me out. this song is so sad! it’s a breakup song.” he simply does not get it.

“well, I like it.”

“you’re not even listening to it!”

“are you? fuck, that means I'm doing a bad job then.” soon, you’re tuning out the music too.

toji puts on some shit by chase atlantic because he thinks that's what girls like & promptly forgets it’s even playing. he does not care, just wants to bone, no other thoughts, head empty. a couple minutes in, you turn off his godawful tik tok playlist & he doesn’t even notice. once he’s pulling out & shucking the condom somewhere, he looks blankly around for a second, then back at you.

“hey, did you turn the music off?”

“yeah, toji, nasty dog by sir-mix-a-lot wasn’t exactly getting me off,” you scoff, sneering at the name.

“hey, I got that from you, brat. it’s from that stupid hugh jackman edit you keep watching. . .I'm hotter than him by the way.”

“you’re both old enough to be my dad, but sure, toj’, you’re hotter.” 

I think I'm funny, sorry to everyone else who doesn't have good taste <3 did you like it? -> here's my masterlist -> want something more? ask me for it

[lucky-clover-gazette]

okay i have THOUGHTS about this line

he didn’t have to say that to make his plan work. i mean yeah, being nice to the player definitely earns their favor and future assistance, but he could have just as easily gone the route of gaslighting them into feeling bad and like they caused the problem, eliciting a more shame-based and desperate and less uplifting and righteous kind of reliance. like if volo really hated the player, and was truly cruel, that’s what he would have done. the player would have still gotten the chain and felt indebted to him for the plate hunt, but they also would be miserable and feel lonely and hurt and confused. but volo doesn’t do that, he grounds the player and validates their feelings, which were hurt by the cruel townspeople more than the event volo caused to prompt that cruelty. like truly, it’s only volo’s fault that the player gets banished through the most like simple calculated logic—yes, if he hadn’t caused the rift, they wouldn’t have been banished, or brought here at all. but kamado CHOSE to banish them based on his own paranoia and disdain for outsiders, and the others enabled it by choice. volo didn’t make that happen, just how he didn’t make or even want arceus to get the player involved in the first place.

i don’t think volo hates the player, personally, at all. or at least, i think that he hates them and cares for them just as much as he hates and cares for himself. i know this isn’t groundbreaking volo theorizing material, but he’s absolutely projecting his disdain for society based on his vague past experiences here. he dislikes the outsider because his plan demands it, but he dislikes everyone else because he personally thinks they’re terrible. it’s kinda neat how he “fake” compliments the player’s loyalty to him as a merchant so often, bc i think loyalty is something he actually takes very seriously. and he probably saw how loyal the player was to the galaxy team, and then the way they kicked them out, and was genuinely pissed and hurt on the player’s behalf.

the things he says at the end of the game are said in extreme distress and defeat, and while they are not NOT reflective of his character and motives, i’m shocked by how many pokemon fans regard volo like he’s a nihilistic and amoral sociopath. passion and compassion are behind nearly everything volo does, for better or for worse. they’re behind moments like this, and moments like his ranting at spear pillar. he is a person who constantly grapples to align his personal moral code and lofty ideals, which live in this weird space between the manmade and divine, with the flawed reality of existence. his entire mentality is full of contradictions, because he is a man who thinks he should be god, but in reality could never be a good god, because he is still very much a man. it’s the emotion, idealism, and intellectual curiosity of humanity that drive him, not the impartiality, absolutism, and complacency of an omnipotent all-knowing deity.

so like, with this line. he specifically mentions that the galaxy team has treated the player poorly. not that the galaxy team’s choice was illogical, not that the player just needs to try harder to get them to accept him. he is emphatically rejecting the premise that the player did anything to deserve blame, even though he has no intention to actually explain why this really happened or volunteer himself to take the blame. because ultimately, volo is not the person to blame for the galaxy team’s cruelty, and he knows it. and he also knows that it’s the cruelty that has hurt the player, more than the sky problem itself, because he has been treated like an outsider too. and he can’t DO anything about that. even if he told the truth, the damage has already been done. the player knows how their supposed allies would react in this situation, regardless of the logic or truth. and volo can’t fix that. he does not believe he can make people kinder or the world a better place, which is exactly why he wants so badly to remake it. for himself, bc clearly he’s been through some shit too, for people like the outsider, and for anyone else whose loyalty and dedication have been met with rejection and apathy. which is so deeply tragic and ironic, because by being the only person to care for the player in this moment, he is making the world a better place for them.

volo is, at his core, a hypocrite. he’s like if you put the ingredients for a hero into a blender, but accidentally used the “tragic hypocrite” setting so he came out a janky villain instead. to volo, concepts like loyalty and self-righteousness are driving forces, much moreso than simple black and white morality or consequentialism. this makes him a hypocrite because he believes a perfect world is possible as long as his moral code is strictly followed, and his evil plan is to prove it. but in his efforts to do so, he proves over and over again that a perfect world isn’t possible, and certainly would not be possible under his control.

like, okay—if someone suggested that the means of pain and suffering in the world justified the ends (the world), volo would disagree and claim that arceus is responsible for the pain and suffering, and therefore does not deserve the power to create/rule worlds. but then, following that very same logic, if volo needed to get a random person banished and betrayed in order to create his better world, then those means wouldn’t justify his ends either. which is WHY we see him subconsciously draw a line here, between the things he’s not responsible for (other people being cruel, arceus transporting the player) and the things he is directly responsible for (the way he treats the player in these circumstances, either with derision or support). and wouldn’t you know, in this instance where it truly is up to him what the means are to his ends, he chooses kindness where he could have been cruel. because while arceus sending the hero and the town banishing them weren’t really Volo’s means to Volo’s ends, this conversation sure as hell could be. And he doesn’t want his better world built on a foundation of suffering and pain.

by saying this one line and treating the player as he does here, i think volo accidentally exposes something deeply true and good about himself. this man could say “i’m a villain and i don’t care about the player” and fully believe it, but at the same time demonstrably possess the morals and compassion of a hero, which he uses to actively care for the player. he is a delusional hypocrite, but he’s definitely not heartless. and i just think that’s neat.

alternatively, volo is completely heartless, knows that people are endeared to people who want to protect them, and methodically uses that knowledge here for his convenience. that very well could have been the intention, and it makes sense too—but i personally enjoy entertaining the notion of depth where i see potential for it. so yeah.

[shibaraki]

STEADY BEGINNINGS ┊ TODOROKI SHOUTO

tags: GN reader, developing relationship (eventual friends to lovers), touch starved shouto, physical affection (hand holding + long hugs), good god the yearning, obliviousness, jealousy, fluff + angst, pro hero shouto, reader works at hero agency

wc: 3.8K

series masterlist: 2/5

Shouto was born to be a hero.

It is a sentiment shared by reporters and fans alike. Todoroki Shouto, the pride of Endeavor, the saving grace of his family name. True, his development had been entirely up to chance—no matter the intent or cruel desperation behind his father’s actions, he had to rely on the probability that the next offspring would win the genetic lottery—but low and behold, he did, and to many people that alone was a sign of destiny at work.

Ultimately, he chose to continue the path of being a hero himself, but no higher being put him there. His father did. At the time of his birth Shouto had not been a son, not even a baby. He was a project. A small, shapeless, squirmy thing. Malleable, like any young mind. It’s a miracle he retained any will and individuality.

Sometimes when alone with his thoughts, Shouto would hypothesise on the whys and the hows. The conclusion he always comes to is this: any sort of reality in which Shouto succumbs to his father’s ideals and manipulation would have to be a world in which his mother does not exist.

While his existence was planned, and wanted, he was to be a hero and as such, wasn’t cut from love—that came after. He loved his mother. So much so that when she hurt, he hurt. When she cried, he cried. She taught him what it meant to be gentle, to have hope, to aspire to be his own person. Years spent amongst the country's finest heroes and Shouto still regarded his mother as the bravest woman he knew, strong because she refused to be hardened by her circumstances; soft so that she can’t be broken again.

You are like his mother in that regard. Those same echoes of reassurance that softness isn’t weakness, and it isn’t earned. You’ve been touching him more as of late, as if determined to prove it. Static between brushed fingertips, words expressed by simply pressing your knees together, the weight of your hand on his bicep to garner his attention. The build up is subtle and cumulative and yet each instance strikes him with the magnitude of a thermodynamic explosion.

Nobody bats an eyelid to this shift in physicality, which makes it all the more difficult to determine whether he is reading into things or not. It could be that he’s noticing those small instances only because it’s you, and you are all he can think about lately.

You’ve given him permission to reciprocate. He merely has to ask for more if he wants it. What Shouto hadn’t accounted for is the unbearability of being vulnerable enough to ask. An innocent “can you hug me?” becomes so much more daunting to voice with all that longing crowded up behind it. He can’t help worrying you’ll see right through to the bottom of his desires.

A hand comes into view. Bakugo’s ash-smudged finger and thumb pinch and snap together in front of his face. “Come back to Earth, dumbass. Your thousand yard stare is scarin’ my new assistant”.

Shouto blinks out of his stupor and the blurred vignette surrounding his vision recedes. He glances at the skittish man sitting outside Bakugo’s office currently sending worried glances over his shoulder. “I think he’s more scared that you’re back,” Shouto intones dryly. “Isn’t he the fourth one this year?”

“Not my fault they’re all wimps,” Bakugo huffs. A slap reverberates around the office as he throws down a manila folder onto his desk and drops heavily into his chair. He regards Shouto with suspicion overtop his computer monitor. “Whatever you were just thinkin’ about—stop”.

“You don’t know what I’m thinking about”.

“I know you always manage to make Olympic level leaps in logic,” Bakugo rolls his eyes and tears open the folder. He slides out what Shouto assumes is a debrief and flips it between his fingers. Shouto keeps quiet. He reclines into the couch cushions and returns to reading the incident report on his lap, counting down from ten in the privacy of his mind. Anytime now.

Three, two, one.

“So what is it?” Bakugo asks, trying too hard to sound flippant but landing squarely on irritation. “Spit it out before you give yourself an aneurysm”.

Shouto opens his mouth and closes it again. A wave of hot embarrassment washes over him. He knows Bakugo will do him the kindness of being blunt and honest but it doesn’t make it any less humiliating to admit.

In their younger years Shouto saw something of a kindred spirit in Bakugo. He too did not like touch and aggressively voiced his distaste for it whenever he got the chance—which was often, because divine intervention sought fit to give him the most tactile, handsy friend group possible.

As they got older though, Shouto began to realise that the protests and threats were hollow. Despite being vehemently against affection, Bakugo would allow it anyway, and sometimes even seek it out. The aggression was bravado. Bakugo liked having his friends draped around his shoulders. He liked when Mina kissed his cheek, or Kaminari played with his hair, or Kirishima gathered him into a too-tight hug, or Sero tangled their ankles together on the couch.

Only, for him to comfortably accept it, Bakugo needed to act as though he were doing them a favour by allowing them into his space. And Bakugo’s friends played along without complaint.

From what he’s observed you are also an affectionate person. You are liberal with your warmth and adapt seamlessly to the boundaries of those around you. But you were also visibly uncomfortable whenever people took that affinity for intimacy as an open invitation, and recoiled if they encroached on your own.

Shouto has imagined reaching out only for your body to flinch away from him more times than he can count. It’s a battle staged in his head, ingrown fears. The possibility alone was enough to keep him from reciprocating, set in a state of fawn-like inertia.

“There’s somebody I want to get closer to. A friend,” he begins. Bakugo makes an inquisitive noise, props his cheek against his fist and narrows his eyes as he listens. Shouto retells the story in part, deciding to omit your name, and by the tail-end of it Bakugo’s forehead is deeply creased in dissatisfaction.

“You make all your own problems, Halfie. Y’know that?” he mutters, rubbing at the bridge of his nose and sinking back into his chair. “Fine, you don’t want to make this person uncomfortable, or whatever. If you need a hug so damn badly, why not ask Deku? Not like he’d say no”.

Knowing Bakugo would make his dilemma sound ridiculous is one thing, actually hearing it is another. “How do you know it isn’t about Midoriya,” Shouto returns petulantly.

“It ain’t Izuku or anyone else from your nerd squad,” Bakugo says, dropping his hand to drum on the desk. “I would’ve heard about it”.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t touch people. And that’s fuckin’ fine, yeah? But if you had, I know for a fact any one of them would’ve burst into tears and told everyone in a five mile radius”.

“Oh,” it leaves him a little off-kilter to hear. Shouto leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, setting the report on the dark wood coffee table. The corner of the page is curled, and the spine is creased, and the ink annotation has smudged under his thumb. He details these things as he deliberates, the excuses cloying in his throat and thick like he might cry too.

Bakugo was right—if he craved close contact so badly, why couldn’t he go to Midoriya? He knows he would likely be met with enthusiasm.

“You don't have to tell me who. I don’t care. But you’re overthinking it,” Bakugo grunts at his lack of response, in a way that very much suggests that he cares. “Go ask. If they say ‘no’ it’s tough shit, but the world isn’t gonna end. From what you’ve told me they wouldn’t say ‘no’ anyway. Dumbass”.

Shouto nods and gives up the pretense of reading the paperwork. He feels coltish as he stands and brushes down his front, straightening the creases.

“You’re right”.

“I know”.

“Thank you, Bakugo,” he says. A small smile unfurls across his anxiety-bitten mouth. “You’re a good friend”.

“Shut up,” Bakugo grumbles. It’s a testament to his concern that he hadn’t cursed Shouto there and then. “Now get out of my office. What are you doing here in the first place? You got your own!”

“Yours gets all the sunlight. And it’s always quiet because nobody comes in here,” Shouto ignores the baleful slit of an eye Bakugo turns on him. “I’m going to take my lunch now”.

“Do what you want,” Bakugo dismisses haughtily, and Shouto smiles while thinking, not for the first time, that he’s very lucky to have friends like these.

The fidgety assistant bows as he exits and turns into the sun-drenched hallway. Warmth drapes around Shouto’s shoulders, lingering at his nape while he descends the dark stairwell where the light doesn’t reach. His boots thud against the linoleum, and he counts each footfall to keep his face neutral as his legs carry him toward your department.

Somewhere between one and one hundred and thirteen, a fraction of Shouto’s courage starts to dwindle. He grits his teeth. A hundred steps can’t be enough to dissuade him after decades of denying himself any kind of indulgence.

The further he goes into the support wing the more elaborate the layout becomes. You’re in research and development, assigned a workshop close to the quirk analysts. Heads turn as Shouto rolls through. Heroes didn’t often make personal visits to this area. If he thinks hard enough he could count a grand number of two past visits and neither of them were for you.

His stride falters when he catches sight of your nameplate. It is fixed to the wall outside your door, polished and gleaming proudly. Shouto traces the characters of your name engraved into steel before raising his hand to knock.

Your voice rings out from inside, “Come in!”

A pitched beeping sound comes from overhead. The workshop doors begin to open in a theatrical fashion, receding like curtains to reveal your space. The floor is mapped out with tape. Clear boundaries drawn between the work benches, the fume cupboards, the vault and your personal office, in an attempt at organised chaos. He might have been more interested in poking around for the first time if he had not felt on the edge of intrusion.

You’re tucked behind your curved desk surrounded by numerous monitors that dwarf your frame. Shouto furtively takes in your cute, rumpled appearance. The upper half of your coveralls have been undone to reveal an undervest, sleeves tied tight around and accentuating your waist.

“Take a seat, I’ll be with you in…” the dull tapping of practiced keystrokes comes to a stop as you notice him in the doorway. The professional veneer disappears. “Shouto?” you say, mostly to yourself. Your gaze slides beyond his shoulder, looking for whoever might be accompanying him. “Is everything okay?”

There’s a worried twist in your mouth that he wants to smudge away. A look in your eyes—a combination of warmth and weight that tugged at his being. Shouto rolls his shoulders, shaking off the tension, and moving deeper into your office. The doors close automatically behind him. “I’m okay,” he assures, taking the seat across from you.

Your expression gentles, and he likes how your gaze follows him. “I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me,” he continues. “But if you’re working I can head back”.

“Lunch?” you repeated. Your eyes darted to the corner of the monitor closest to you and promptly widened. “Oh, shit. When did that happen?”

An upswing of fondness catches him like a blow to the chest. His mouth quirks into a smirk. “How long have you been here?”

“Too long. I got lumped with a new project a few days ago and it’s almost done,” the monitors shut off one by one as you sheepishly press each button. Then you gave him a soft, apologetic look, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. Must’ve missed me if you came all the way down here”.

Dread shriked through him. The low whirring from the equipment scattered around your workspace is suddenly inordinately loud. Was he that obvious?

You, however, fail to notice Shouto’s anxiety and grab him around the wrist as you pivot the desk. “C’mon. Let’s go before the good stuff is gone,” you tell him.

Shouto had absolutely no clue what the ‘good stuff’ entailed—maybe he should’ve bothered to ask. Atleast it would take his mind off your hand. It’s wrapped around his sleeve, right where the fabric ends, loose enough for him to unshackle from if he wants. When he doesn’t protest the contact you stroke your thumb in an arc over the heel of his hand and squeeze.

Shouto falls into step, too caught up to realise you’ve taken him to the cafeteria. He expects you’ll drop his wrist in the presence of your colleagues, yet you adjust your grip and glance back at him with an encouraging tilt of your head.

“I’m starving. I think I’ll get a rice bowl. Smells pretty good today, don’t you think?”

Shouto hummed his agreement. He felt out of his depth, and he didn’t trust his voice. The spark of giddiness was doing embarrassing things to his throat. The line is mercifully short and before long he has a warm bowl of food held against his front.

“Did you want to sit in here? I can take us to one of the senior staff lounges instead if you want,” you cast a nervous look across the sparse crowd. “I mean, support engineers aren’t really gossiping types but…”

A petty part of him hoped the whispers would escalate. To have your name linked with his, to be known as a person that you cared about—he found that deeply satisfying, for reasons he couldn’t yet put his finger on.

Then again, being alone with you far eclipsed the appeal of flaunting your friendship. “The senior staff lounge sounds best,” he answers after a minute of feigned consideration. You nod, regretfully having dropped his hand, and motion for him to follow once more.

The lounge is a modest room with a kitchenette, a breakfast nook and a few bean bag chairs. It smells faintly like peeled oranges. There are post it notes and blueprints haphazardly stuck to the pinboard, covering an out of date calendar filled out in illegible scrawl. This is no shop awning. There is no rainfall to lend to the ambiance. But you are together in an enclosed space, and that is enough to make his heart beat in anticipation.

You scoot into the breakfast nook. He sits on the same side of the table and tries to subtly spread his knees enough to nudge your thigh. You side-glance in surprise but choose not to mention it. Instead you smile through your first mouthful and ask, “How've things been since I last saw you?”

Achy, like he’s used an atrophied muscle. Lonely, and frustrating beyond words. But he doesn’t say any of that. He digs crescents into his thigh through his pant leg and says, “Boring”.

“Figured that might be the case. I saw the livestream of you fighting Haywire,” you bump your shoulder against his. “The Commission probably dumped a whole load of paperwork on you, huh?”

Shouto wrinkles his nose. He hoped you hadn’t caught that fight. The pursuit of Haywire—an eco terrorist with an electrical quirk—managed to cause an unprecedented amount of damage to the city infrastructure.

“You handled it as best you could. The power grid can be fixed. What’s important is people are alive because of you,” a warm weight covers the fingers restlessly whittling at his pant leg. You pet his hand, “I’m glad you weren’t hurt”.

Guided solely by his impulses, the instant you start to draw back he envelops the top of your hand and sandwiches it between his own. He goes hot and cold all over in quick succession. Boundaries, he reminds himself. But you’re not pulling away. You’re studying him with a knowing gleam in your eye.

Shouto clears his throat. Heat pricks across his skin, concentrated in his cheekbones. “Sorry,” he says. You can ask, a memory echoes. “Is this okay?”

“You don’t have to apologise. I told you it’s fine,” you reply firmly. “I’m happy to remind you if you need to hear it”.

“No, I…” his brow furrows. “I’ve been thinking”.

“That’s not good”.

Shouto snorts and shakes his head, his amusement petering out into a shallow breath. “I want to ask. I’ve wanted to ask like you said I could,” he explains vaguely. “I’m not very good at it, I think”.

You make a soft, understanding sound that immediately sets him at ease. “I guess, after denying yourself something for so long it can be scary to let yourself have it again,” you murmur, a faraway look in your eyes. After a pensive moment the sheen fades and your laughter lines deepen, “I’ll do what I did before, then. If you look like you need a hug I’ll ask you instead”.

“In what way do I ‘look like’ I need a hug?”

“You get this—I don’t know how to explain it,” you gesture vaguely at him. “This blankness about you, but not your normal resting face, I mean you don’t seem all there. I don’t like it. I like it best when you’re happy”.

“Ah,” comes his eloquent response. Shouto drops his gaze to where your hands knot together. Every quark in his body is urging him to get closer, and remain close. “Bakugo thinks I should try to hug Midoriya, too,” he adds, oddly flustered.

“Huh. You talked to Bakugo about—? That’s a surprise. A nice surprise, I mean! Well, Midoriya does give great hugs. It would be good for you to…”

Shouto’s thoughts grow louder and he frowns down at his rice. You’re saying something about physical touch and wellness and friends. Dopamine and serotonin. It barely registers. Two truths are pinging around his skull.

You have hugged Midoriya. Of course you have. You’re friends.

You think he’s great at it.

Why is that so unsettling? Teenagers think like this. Single minded and overly emotional.

He feels the shifting of your knuckles under his palm. “Hey. You’ll need one of these back if you’re going to eat,” you say.

“Right,” he lifts his left hand and picks up his chopsticks to take a pinch of rice from his bowl. He chews until the clamouring in his mind has settled, and you patiently accept his stoic silence without explanation. Shouto hasn’t been this awkward since highschool, and even then he was too wrapped up in his familial problems to be aware of it.

“What’s the project you’ve been working on?” he eventually asks.

You take the change of topic in your stride, leaning closer and lowering your voice to an excited whisper, “I’m not supposed to tell you but—it’s for Deku’s new costume”.

“Midoriya is getting a new costume?” Shouto replies. You playfully shush him and he pouts a little.

“Don’t sulk. He doesn’t know yet either,” you poke a chopstick at the corner of his jutted mouth. “It’s my job to prepare a design portfolio and talk through everything next week. You’ll get a new one too, when you break the top five”.

“If,” he amends.

“You don’t think you’ll move up?”

“Reaching the top was never really a priority for me,” Shouto’s attention splinters, half of his focus on the conversation and the other on the sensation of your skin. He considers overturning his hand to entwine your fingers. “I just want to be the best hero I can be”.

You hum, and as if plucking the desire right from his mind, absentmindedly slip into the gaps between his fingers. Shouto steadies his breathing and takes another mouthful.

The rest of the hour passes, syrupy and slow like molasses. By the final minute Shouto’s palm is sticky and reluctant to part from yours. You usher him out from the breakfast nook first, stacking the empty bowls before directing him back toward the emptied cafeteria.

You slide the bowls along the counter for the kitchen staff to take. Then you wipe your hands down your front as you pivot to face him, thrusting out both arms as he stands frozen.

“Can I hug you?”

Shouto touches his face and you laugh.

“This is because I want one,” you clarify with a warm grin, beckoning him closer.

Shouto inhales steps into the embrace, his arms instinctively wrapping around your back. There are less layers this time—the heat of your body is overwhelming, alongside the gentle rise of goosebumps across your bare shoulders. Your breath fell gently on his collarbone, his head lowering to curl into you. He thinks, were he not born to be a hero, he must surely be born for this.

“Thank you,” you mumble, squeezing his waist a final time as you retreat. “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

Shouto nods. Your presence moves away like the sun being blocked out and he watches you go, departing words caught in his teeth, an incessant buzz in his fingertips. The walk back to his office is a gauzy yellow haze. Every physiological response in his body told him that he was in a free fall, despite his feet being firmly on the ground.

“Shouto!”

Shouto halts mid-step at the familiar voice. He turns to look at Izuku, at the tentative beginnings of his smile. “Izuku,” he says.

“We missed you at lunch—are you feeling alright?” Izuku asks, slightly bemused. “You look kinda… floaty,” his eyes are dark, softened in the afternoon light as they sweep over Shouto’s figure and his face.

"Izuku," Shouto said before he could convince himself otherwise, “Do you want a hug?”

The innocent question appeared to crash into Izuku with the levity of a bullet train in motion. Tears sprang to his eyes, brighter now. Shouto tenses as he is swept into a solid hug. Izuku smells like fresh air, sweat and sweet-salty broth. He holds Shouto as though trying to keep his seams from bursting; thick arms are secure around his shoulders, and a rough palm rubs broad strokes down his back, smoothing the tension until Shouto is relaxed.

You were right. Izuku does give great hugs. Shouto came away doughy, and fuller, and with the stark realisation that while touching Izuku soothed the ache, it still felt completely different to touching you.

Later, as he leaned his head against the desk surface, he sluggishly contemplated the implications of that.

[realbeefman]

i think about this scene constantly. this is probably the only time they’ve both been totally genuine and honest with each other ever. and they still don’t understand each other.

charlie has always loved the idea of her more than her. arguably their most romantic moment before this occurs in jersey shore, when she’s very literally not herself.

to the waitress, charlie isn’t just saying “i love you.” he’s said that he loves her thousands of times before. to her it’s deeper than that. to her he’s saying, “i love you (for the person that you are. i know your flaws and i love you in spite of them. i always will, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you fuck up)” and to a person as chronically lonely as the waitress is, who has been rejected and humiliated by her lovers time and time again, that’s everything she needs to hear.

and of course, on some level, this is what charlie thinks he means as well. but his “i love you” carries no more weight than the other thousands of times he’s said it to her. in saves the day, charlie’s ideal world is a satirized version of the stereotypical nuclear family, because charlie genuinely believes that that’s the life he wants.

like most of the gang, charlie’s adherence to social roles and expectations are inconsistent, even as he professes to believe strongly in their value. he is a proud american when it suits him, he is willing to be a father when it benefits him, and he is interested in the waitress only when it suits him to be interested in her. the waitress isn’t anybody special; she’s an attractive woman that charlie has decided is the epitome of everything he should be.

this is why jersey shore is the peak of their romantic relationship. because ultimately, while charlie is willing to and, at times, actively wants to love her, the unfortunate fact of the matter is that he doesn’t even like her.

he puts vitamins in her shampoo. he gets her fired from jobs he doesn’t like, and protects her on jobs he approves of (most blatant example of this is when he barks at a passing stranger who might steal her bike when she’s delivering indian food vs literally trying to have her stabbed at the fair). he is constantly trying to make her into somebody he likes being around.

to charlie, this “i love you” is just a statement of fact. loving her is something he should do, so he does. it’s yet another frivolous idea that has passed through his imagination, of no more real significance to charlie’s core identity than being a patriot is. to the waitress, this “i love you” is the only one that has ever mattered, to her, this is a breakthrough moment in which she finally, finally understands and connects with this man who has been stalking her for more than a decade.

it makes it hit all the harder when she realizes, when all is said and done, that she still doesn’t understand him at all.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

If you don't mind yandere Vito alphabet please 🙏

A/N: This isn’t the full Alphabet but here’s a little teaser. Doing the full Alphabet in one go is difficult but if there’s a specific one you want let me know😭😭

Warnings: toxic and abusive behavior

Requests: open 24/7

Masterlist

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Every single person from the mafia Trilogy is willing to get their hands dirty. This is absolutely ridiculous to even consider.

Like if Vito killed for not only his country but for some random dude named Falcone, don’t you think he’d kill for you? His precious heart. I think he’d be more brutal than the rest tho….our soldier boy definitely knows a gnarly way to take someone out.

He refuses to do this in front of you though. He doesn’t believe a pretty lady like you should ever taint your eyes with seeing him slit that dude’s throat. That’s for him to handle downtown while you stay all cozy locked away in his apartment.

Probably will beat up a guy in front of you though but first he’d tell you to close your eyes or to go get in the car.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

I don’t think Vito wants children and all that yip yap like the Salieri men want.

Marriage is on the table tho.

Ultimately he wants to play the game a little longer so he’ll have more than enough money to take you out of Empire Bay and give you a better life. He wants a beautiful home in someplace nice quiet where there’s no chance of running into another mobster.

He’s going to give you everything that he couldn’t give to his mother before her passing. You’re going to have a beautiful life, even if you don’t actually want it with him. You have no choice. Vito hand picked you to be his companion. You should be grateful

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He definitely does get very jealous, it’s just not always easy to tell. He keeps the same resting bitch face at every occasion, so is he actually upset or is there no thought happening?

There are thoughts and it’s about which way he should dispose of the body.

I’d argue and say he gets more up in arms about you looking at someone or interacting with another man than the reverse happening. You’re attractive and he knows men look at you, doesn’t mean he’s okay with it but for you to look sends him in a spiral. Yeah it doesn’t matter that you just glanced in his general direction and you weren’t even looking at him….he’s pissed.

“Aye! What the fuck are you looking at, princess? Huh? You think he’s cute or something? Well let me tell you a cute little secret, you’ll be cleaning his blood off of my shoes tonight.”

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not exactly? He is Vito no matter what but maybe with you his heart is worn on his sleeves a little bit more? Like he grew up around a mama's boy he undeniably has a soft spot for the women he loves. You can get away with a hell of a lot.

More than most can with him. Your snarky comments and fighting doesn’t phase him. Neither does your immature and other kinds of behavior.

He still wants to spoil and take care of you the best way he possibly can. He especially loves physical contact with you. The times when you’ve yourself worn down enough to curl into his chest are his favorite times.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He’s actually incredibly patient with you. Vito is rather patient in general, well compared to how he could be. His emotions are usually kept well under wraps and he does fair with stressful situations. This was something learned from being in the military. When you have other men's lives on the line, you learn to keep it light.

There are sometimes where this patience wavers and it’s usually during the times when you’re being incredibly difficult.

Having another meltdown after trying to escape for the fourth time this week. This man is becoming increasingly more frustrated and he couldn’t help but to snap at you.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Hell naw! That man don’t give a single fuck.

Why would he? He’s delusional about this entire situation, there is no rational thought happening!!!

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

The screaming and crying he expected. That’s all his sister did growing up lol. Jk.

The isolation tho,,,that would get to him. When he comes home from a long day, ideally he wants to be greeted with open arms and loving words. Not to be searching the house, only find you curled up in the closet.

This shatters his delusion for the moment and Vito absolutely hates it. Seeing you waste away in this isolation kills him. He has to literally drag you out and force you to do basic tasks. Why can’t you just love him like he loves you??? You can’t even just pretend? Why is this so hard for you?

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling?

He thinks of you like this pure little angel who could do no wrong. You’re absolutely innocent to him, even when you’re guilty.

You could spit on the mayor and he’d defend you to hell and back.

Very old fashioned in his thinking where he doesn’t believe women should do or be around certain things. He keeps his business very private, doesn’t share anything about the military unless it’s a lighthearted story, doesn’t kill or be overly violent in front of you.

He also even tries to not curse or smoke so much in front of you too but…he can’t help it.

With this said tho, Vito has limits and he will flip if you ever cross a line. He has some unspoken rules for your “relationship” and it can get rather complicated if you break them.

[oraclekleo]

[18+] Pick-A-Pile: Ultimate Future Spouse Tarot Reading (PART 2)

Hello, my dear followers and random visitors of this blog of mine! Some (LOOOONG) time ago I promised a detailed and wholesome Pick-A-Pile tarot reading on your Future Spouse. This has originated in the fact I have received so many pretty repetitive Future Spouse requests that instead of doing the same type of reading 20 times, I decided to turn it into a PAC reading. Sorry to everyone who requested the future spouse reading but I’m sure you can choose one of the piles. I have made 6 piles which is a bit too long for Tumblr so this PAC reading is going to come in two parts. Make sure to treat them as if they were one reading. Remember this is still a general reading. Take what resonates with you personally, the rest was probably not meant for you. I have included physical appearance traits. And again not all of the aspects will apply to your future spouse. Dismiss the ones that don’t sound like your type. In case you need any further clarification, don’t be shy to contact me through DM or inbox or my email. If you don’t reach out to me, I will consider all your future spouse requests completed.

Disclaimer:

All of my tarot readings have purely entertainment nature

Tarot isn’t an exact science, I can never ever guarantee any of what’s said in a reading

Tarot isn’t a law or dogma to follow. You have a free will to decide no matter what the cards say.

Never make life decisions based on tarot only.

This is a general reading, take what resonates.

PART 1: PILES 1 - 2 - 3

PART 2: PILES 4 - 5 - 6

PILE 04 - AH PUCH

Cards: Rune Hagalaz, 7th Mansion - Visitor (The Moon Oracle), Child: Eternal (Archetype Cards), 17. Minotaur (Deep, Dark & Dangerous Oracle), Jellyfish (Wild Mystic Oracle), 22. Dhumavati (Kali Oracle), Knight of Coins, 8 of Swords, 10 of Swords (Vlad Dracula Tarot), 6 of Water / Cups, XV Corruption / The Devil, 5 of Water / Cups (Dark Goddess Tarot)

First of all, my dear Pile 4, what the hell possessed you to actually pick a pile with a Mayan demon of death who doesn’t even wait for people to die but just emerges at night and hunts them? What do you expect from a reading on your future spouse when you pick such a pile? You have been warned.

Death, pain, grieve, suffering - those are the main themes of this reading, they tinted all the cards here. Dear Pile 4, your future spouse is a person who has been through a lot! And I mean terrible stuff. They grew stronger and more powerful than you can imagine through overcoming all the loses, pain, suffering and misfortune they encountered in life. They aren’t bright and smiley all the time, they don’t come to cheer you up. They have seen things, they know the world we live in is actually worse than any kind of hell human imagination could ever come up with. They have this ‘stay away from me for your own good, you will be hurt’ type of aura. And it’s probably the reason you felt so strongly attracted to them.

It’s very likely that ever since the very first meeting, my dear Pile 4 you felt strongly pulled towards your future spouse, despite them being nothing like your ideal type. You could see they weren’t good for you, your friends, family, coworkers, postman, supermarket cashier and random people told you to stay away from this person. But you couldn’t.

Your future spouse is probably not an easy person to deal with. They have moods, like bad types of moods. While they are mostly extremely efficient, they can sometimes become just so selfish and immature it could drive anybody crazy. While the fact they suffered in life could teach them more compassion, they actually got their hearts hardened. If they could survive all they have been through, they don’t understand why all those people whine over such pesky little issues. Your future spouse might come as cruel, cold and merciless at times. They don’t really suffer fools or weak people gladly. They have high standards.

Your future spouse, my dear Pile 4, is a person with deep bleeding wounds in their soul. Those might never heal and you should know it. They might feel like outcasts in social groups, they might feel like they don’t really belong to this world chasing after happiness and positivity.

I mentioned it before that right from the very beginning you felt strongly attracted to this person, dear Pile 4. Let me tell you a secret. They felt exactly the same, even more, despite the fact that they would rather die than tell you about their moments of weakness. You turned their life upside down and they surely tried to resist you in the beginning. Once you both sort of accepted you were meant for each other, the passion arised ever so strongly. You are probably one of those couples people are at awe about why you are still together. Your future spouse probably doesn’t show much kindness or even respect to you in public but behind closed doors they become a fierce beast in the sheets. You two can go non-stop for days. Your future spouse is definitely a dom and they will not allow you to take charge, ever. On the other hand their skills and the pure enthusiasm and excitement they put into the sexual act are more than sufficient plaster to your ego. Your future spouse is a person who probably uses sex to vent, to release tension, to set themselves free, to forget about all the pain and anguish. And it means it’s really intense with them. Notice there’s Scorpion on the Hagalaz rune. Your future spouse is likely to have at least some Scorpio placements in their chart.

You and your future spouse, Pile 4, have an unusual relationship. People will never get it, to be honest with you. You are likely dependent and addicted to each other on multiple levels. Your relationship might get twisted and toxic at certain times but then again I see transformation and growth in your cards so from those bottoms of toxic hell you are able to rise and rebuild your connection to become stronger and more powerful. Your future spouse isn’t really romantic, they are hard to read, they probably like to use sarcasm a lot, they might be cynical and total assholes. If you picked this pile, you probably don’t mind. You like the challenge that comes with this relationship. You are willing to kick your spouse’s butt when they cross the line. You don’t care about celebrating your birthdays or anniversaries and you won’t mind your spouse forgetting about them because you probably don’t remember their birthday either. There are power couples and then there’s you and your spouse - the psycho power couple.

Your future spouse, dear Pile 4, is likely successful in business. They have some (many) aspects of psychopathic personality which probably got them far in their career. Maybe they are not loved by their employees, coworkers or random citizens, but they are respected and feared. Their way to the top was probably a slow and well calculated one and your future spouse is a person who secures their position and wealth.

All in all, if you have picked this pile, you are the type of person who sees all the red flags and thinks it’s carnival.

Physical Appearance

(Take only the ones that resonates, this is a general reading, if there are features you are not particularly interested in, they weren’t meant for you)

✩.･*:｡≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

PILE 05 - LUGH

Cards: Panther (The Wild Unknown Animal Spirit Oracle), 2. Passion (Sexual Magic Oracle), Black Elder (The Wisdom of Tree Oracle), Rune Mannaz, 10 of Swords, 9 of Wands, 6 of Wands (The Runic Tarot), 10 of Cups, 4 of Wands, 7 of Pentacles (The Light Seer’s Tarot), 2 of Cups, VI The Lovers, Queen of Cups (Erotic Fantasy Tarot), 7 of Wands (The Slavic Legends Tarot)

Hello Pile 5 and let me tell you that your future spouse is the human embodiment of a panther. They have suave in them, both elegance and well-controlled power in them. When they enter the room, the conversation stops. Maybe they aren’t the most handsome person in the world, they might actually be far from it but they do have an attractive vibe to them like a wild cat in a jungle.

Your future spouse, my dear Pile 5, is a hard working and determined type of person, they know nothing comes for free in life and they are prepared to face challenges with spark in their eyes, to fight all theirs (and some of yours) battles with victorious roar and to never back away. This person is an alpha male, no matter whether they actually are a male. They work hard and party even harder. They know how to take what they want and how to celebrate their victories. The moment they decided you are going to become their spouse there was no other alternative for them and they probably chased after you and hunted you down just like a leopard taking its prey down - lurking from the trees and jumping at you, ambushing, surprising, completely disarming you with their courage and charm. I can also see that they might have been a reason for your other relationship to end. They simply stole you away from your previous lover, shamelessly and with an endearing cringe on their face. If they haven’t made you break up with someone, they probably offered you to leave your town, family, friends and community and go with them to start somewhere else. One way or another, the bridges have been burned.

Your future spouse, Pile 5, is a person of abundance. They are bigger than life. They are manoeuvring through emotions and relationships easily because they have a secret trick - they actually love people. In the most basic and simple way, they like human beings and they respect them. Despite being an alpha male type, they love women. They are always supportive, standing for their rights, pushing them towards their greatness, encouraging them. And not only women. Minorities of all kinds. They truly believe every person should become the best version of themselves and they will always offer their help and support.

I can see a lot of good health in the cards. Your future spouse might be interested in a healthy lifestyle or maybe they are naturally blessed with strong constitution and immunity. They might be sporty, they do like to move a lot and have fun. If they don’t play sports, they might like to go hiking. They are probably fabulous dancers as they have a natural rhythm in their moves. Your future spouse is more likely a dog person than a cat person, despite their panther nature. 

It all sounds good so let’s focus on their chemistry with you and their sexual characteristics. If you are worried, Pile 5, that your panther turns into a hibernating bear in bed, worry no more. Your future spouse is a passionate lover. They truly enjoy the full spectrum of activities - they enjoy chasing you during courting, they enjoy seducing you, they absolutely love kissing and making out and they are absolutely unmatchable when it comes to sex. Your future spouse is an avid and fun lover. They are willing to try anything. They are likely physically fit so they can go for even some more acrobatic or risky performances which might be hazardous for cardiacs. For you it means fireworks nearly every single time. And because your future spouse is an open minded and encouraging person, you can dominate them if you want. They will have no issues whatsoever. They are likely to be a bratty and teasing sub for you. You have one of the most easygoing and natural and fun chemistry in between you.

When it comes to your future spouse’s professional life, I see a lot of abundance. They certainly didn’t inherit their wealth, they worked hard to get where they are and they know their journey isn’t over yet. They might even have tendencies towards workaholism. They probably work with people but in a way that’s honest (not a politician type). If that’s not their case, I can see them working manually as well. I mean a sexy lumberjack comes to my mind but it can be anything from builder to factory owner. A random idea came into my mind that they could work in the automotive industry.

In summary, your future spouse, pile 5, is one excellent piece of human species. Your friends are likely to envy you. No matter how many bridges you have to burn in order to straddle this stallion, it’s gonna be worth it.

Physical Appearance

(Take only the ones that resonates, this is a general reading, if there are features you are not particularly interested in, they weren’t meant for you)

✩.･*:｡≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

PILE 06 - THOTH

Cards: Principles (The Moon Oracle), Venus in Leo, Venus in Cancer (Oracle of the Radiant Sun), Ran (Legendary Ladies Oracle), Solitude (Sacred Destiny Oracle), Capricorn (Heavenly Bodies Astrology Oracle), Stay True & Be in Your Power (Isis Oracle), Knight of Wands, 9 of Cups, IV The Emperor (Animal Totem Tarot), 2 of Wands, XX Judgement, 8 of Swords (Ancient Egyptian Tarot)

Here we go with the last of the piles. And let me tell you that your future spouse, my dear Pile 6, is the most well balanced and mature out of all of them. This is the husband and father material one, this is the one person you want to introduce to your parents, the one person you want to marry since day 1, the one person you can picture yourself having a home full of kids with because this person is reliable and grown and stable.

My dear Pile 6, your future spouse is someone of deep integrity and dignity. They don’t bend their backs nor heads but they stay humble and respectful. They have inner peace and power, they know their worth and their place in life. They might be significantly older than you or just really mature mentally. Your future spouse is a person of composure. Nothing really gets to them, they don’t lose nerves, they don’t need to raise their voice and yet they have respect and are honoured by those who know them. This is the good-king type of a person, they deeply care for everyone in their community, they lead by example, they are deeply moral and fair and loyal.

Your future spouse, pile 6, is the type of person who looks at obstacles and instead of losing hope, they focus on finding a solution. Your future spouse is a person with plan and vision, they don’t do things blindly, they come prepared and ready to the table. While they might face difficulties in life, they stick to their truth, they don’t fall for false promises, they don’t sell their soul to the devil just for the benefits of it. They would rather take the longer rocky path towards just success than to take dishonest shortcuts.

Your future spouse, Pile 6, might sometimes have arrogant tendencies and rarely become egoistic. They are a hard working and highly focused and efficient personality and it comes with a certain ego. They always have everyone's best interest in mind, though.

Your future spouse, Pile 6, is very family oriented and they love children and will very likely start a family with you as soon as you feel like it. They don’t mind dropping their seriousness and play with children on their level, they can be rather warm towards them. On the other hand, your future spouse needs time for themselves as well. They might need moments of solitude to declutter their mind, to rejuvenate their brain and detangle their thoughts. Your future spouse might like to attend solitary hobbies like fishing, gardening or even mountain climbing. They like to feel a connection with nature and hold something solid in their hands, an outcome of their hobby, be it a fish, tomato, blistered skin on their fingers or a bowl they made during their pottery classes. Your future spouse might insist on attending their hobby on their own and you need to understand it’s not because they wouldn’t love you, it’s simply their way of detoxing.

Speaking of your intimate life, your future spouse, Pile 6, is more on a traditional side when it comes to sex. They might feel better in a traditional role. You should know your future spouse is an extremely affectionate and romantic person. They bring flowers, take you to restaurants, they love all the glamour and comfort. They might even be a bit flashy during the courtship phase but in a marriage they just rain praises on you. But be aware they expect you to return the favour and praise and flatter them often. Complimenting them on anything will make them purr like a kitten. They will always notice you have changed your hairstyle, that you have a new dress or that you started to use a differently smelling shampoo - and they will show interest and flood you with compliments. Your future spouse is the type to kiss your hand, open doors for you and come to rescue when someone harasses you.

You two are the couple that was meant to be, you're the match made in heaven, you might even feel like you used to be lovers in your past lives. You understand each other on the most intimate level. You can just sit next to each other never speaking a single word and you still can tell what your spouse thinks. There’s a deeply running bond in between you and your spouse which can’t be easily broken. This marriage is a dream coming true for the both of you. It ascended your lives to another level and made you feel whole and complete.

When it comes to your future spouse’s career, they are likely to be either loyal to one company for life or I can sense a family business being passed from father / mother to son / daughter here. If your future spouse runs a family business, they are extremely loyal to the tradition of it, they probably know all the employees by name and they will teach their own children how to run the business from a young age. Reputation means a lot to your future spouse and they won’t risk it.

All in all, congratulations to you for picking the husband material pile.

Physical Appearance

(Take only the ones that resonates, this is a general reading, if there are features you are not particularly interested in, they weren’t meant for you)

✩.･*:｡≻───── ⋆♡⋆ ─────.•*:｡✩

See the rest of the piles in PART 1 of this reading.

Please, remember that this tarot reading is purely for fun. Thank you.

Let me know what pile you picked 😊

Consider supporting me on KO-FI

[librarygoth]

to preface I did enjoy Barbie, and I feel like I need to make that really obvious bc it’s the internet and some feminine presenting cis woman will call me a misogynist bc I’m butch lmfao, but I think the movie’s core messages are weakened by the way it handles manhood, masculinity, and queerness. Forgive the typos—I’m probably not gonna read this back:

In Barbie world, there is no room for meaningful gender variance. All gendering is idealized gender, with only feminine presenting women and masculine presenting men fitting into the paradigm—queerly gendered figures like Allen, Weird Barbie, Earring Magic Ken, and Sugar’s Daddy Ken are largely excluded from Barbie world society, both under the Barbies’ matriarchy and the Kens’ patriarchy, are regulated to the fringes and are either ridiculed or ignored. Allen, arguably the closest of these queerly gendered figures to the Ken’s idealized masculinity because his queerness is quieter but ultimately present, finds that under the Barbies’ supposedly utopian matriarchy, he is tolerated but not accepted, and that in the Kens’ patriarchy, he is fully terrified for his life.

Stereotypical Barbie’s narrative arc is a queerly gendered one, hinted at by everything from the Indigo Girls to her inability to fit in with the other Barbies. Ultimately, the movie wants us to understand that idealized expectations of gender are harmful, but simultaneously doesn’t provide any real source of liberation for its queerly gendered characters other than escaping their society for another one. The only reason the queerly gendered Weird Barbie is offered a cabinet position at the end is because she is a woman in a matriarchal society, and because the other Barbies feel guilt at not accepting her—but their feelings about her don’t change. They still think she’s not like them.

On the front of manhood and masculinity, something the movie glosses over is that before the Kens are introduced to the concept of patriarchy, they are marginalized people in the Barbie World society. They have no political, social, or economic power, and during the course of the movie it’s even revealed that they not only don’t have homes, but that the Barbies don’t even care enough to know that they don’t have homes. When the Kens discover patriarchy, their enthusiasm isn’t because they inherently think men deserve to rule the world, but because they were exposed, for the first time, to a system where they had power, and they decided they were sick of being subjected. But this point is undermined by a subtle through line of biological essentialism; early on, we see two Kens ready to fight over Stereotypical Barbie’s affections, suggesting that even here, men are inherently more prone to violence. And the society built in Barbie world is a society in which women are naturally intelligent and capable leaders, and where men are vapid and stupid. Interests and activities viewed as classically masculine are dismissed as frivolous and goofy—even ones without any moral or ethical association.

The only men who are exempt are those with queer genders, and even then, this ignores the well-documented misogyny many cis gay men express, and still positions them outside of society without any greener grass in sight. And in Barbie world, queerness for men equates femininity (just as Weird Barbie’s queerness is something more masculine than the other Barbies, even if not masculinity proper), which implied that masculinity, not manhood, is actually the crime, and that manhood and masculinity are inextricably linked (again, Weird Barbie isn’t masculine, per se. She just isn’t feminine).

So while the movie’s message seems to be rooted in the idea that idealized femininity and idealized masculinity are harmful, it seems to also believe that masculinity and manhood are bad, and femininity and womanhood are good, but only if performed in the right way. We are supposed to understand that even if Stereotypical Barbie needs to leave to truly understand herself, the other Barbies have concrete senses of self and purpose, and that even if idealized gender expectations are harmful, Barbie world is better when ruled by the femininity—even that under feminine rule, it’s a utopia. But it’s still a world where queer expressions of gender and sexuality don’t have the opportunity to exist (Barbies only date Kens after all, no matter how many young sapphics made their Barbies scissor). Weird Barbie is specifically an interesting representation of queerness—it is only masculine girls (masculine in this context just means sapphic; sapphicness is a divergence from femininity in any society that values idealized femininity above all other forms), who are believed to have destroyed their Barbies as children. It’s often a point of pride among women who “aren’t like the other girls,” or those who like to feel different. Of course the reality is different—I’m a butch who never destroyed my Barbies; I just made them help my Power Rangers save the day. But the discrepancy between Weird Barbie (who is queer coded in a way straight audiences will likely understand) and Stereotypical Barbie (who is queercoded in a way likely only more accessible to queers, but specifically lesbians, who isn’t attracted to any of the Kens who want her but can’t figure out why), is stark. Stereotypical Barbie isn’t cast out of society because she is still performing a degree of acceptable femininity, and has the privilege choosing to leave. Weird Barbie, on the other hand, is forced to the fringes of society because she is visibly queer.

It’s fascinating to me that feminine presenting cis women (or those like AFAB she/theys who may not be cis but essentially move through the world as if they are feminine presenting cis women), have universally labeled the Barbie movie “for the girls,” when in reality, it feels to me more of a movie for those who fail to perform gender correctly. But I understand why, because the movie still, loudly and clearly, sends the message that femininity is good, and masculinity is bad—and of course the people most harmed by this message, which is oh so prevalent in leftist spaces, queer spaces, feminist spaces, are trans fems (bc transmisogyny), trans mascs, butches, studs, people whose masculinity is racialized, and people who experience marginalized masculinities.

[silverskye13]

I'm wondering what kind of thought process you have for choosing which character get which brackets for their thinking? cause I think the ones you chose fit rly well, especially the {} for wels and [] for helsknight, for some reason they feel very correct

Mostly just vibes, tbh!

Tanguish got (parenthesis) because it's what is grammatically correct [you probably notice I put my personal thoughts in brackets. It was really hard to break that while writing the fic, and if I go awhile between chapters, I will fall back into bad habits and put all thoughts in brackets again, whoops.] His inner thoughts in parenthesis are primarily observations tied to his emotions. He doesn't really think thoughts, he feels thoughts.

Examples:

(The hermits never know what they’re doing, but this isn’t something Tanguish knows. Sometimes he wonders about it, but he hasn’t quite figured it out yet.)

(But he wasn't lying, and he wasn’t a knight, and this shouldn’t matter, it really shouldn’t.)

When I decided I wanted to have other POVs in the fic, I kind of had to case what parenthesis I had left at my disposal. Unless I wanna get silly with it, for the most part, all that's remaining is [], {}, <>, ||, and maybe /\ if I wanna play around a little.

Helsknight has very rigid and straightforward inner thoughts. I wanted to keep most of his internal monologue to tactical information.

Examples:

[Enchanted netherite, because of course it was. He could recognize enough of the symbols to know it was an efficient workman's tool, but sharpness felled people just as well as trees.]

[Control the situation. Put distance between Tanguish and the danger. Keep the Demon busy long enough for escape.]

For that, the brackets make the most sense. He's thinking rigid truths and commands. It also feels close to his personality? I guess? A bit hard to explain, but to me, every action he takes is framed in something. He has rigid codes that he measures himself by, like he's constantly bookend-ed. He breaks those bookends when he's angry, and it's a physical wall that brings him pain when he breaks it. He needs [solid, rigid] visuals for that bookend-ing. Brackets were best.

Welsknight then, I wanted to be visually similar to Helsknight, in which case {} would work well, and their distinctive shapes made me think of something,,, I dunno,,, fancier is a bad word. But the curly brackets are a little needlessly complicated. That complication has a use in coding, but on a standard keyboard, for writing purposes, its unnecessary. I like what it implies about how everything with Wels in the story is gilded, covered in unnatural perfection and holiness. Wels's [mostly unseen] issues in the fic are that he has a problem with ideals. Helsknight is the gritty, grimdark reality of what being a perfect knight is, with all its internal battling for perfection, and all its self-sacrificial, borderline suicidal heroism. Welsknight, however, is the projected ideal of what a knight should be, the glitz, glamour and chivalry. He is light that is blinding, but ultimately harmful, ungrounded. His is the idea of a crusade, not because it is right or just, but because thats what knights are supposed to do, and this is the nearest evil to hand. Something superfluously curly works nicely for his thoughts.

Tango gets the <> for his thoughts, both because I like how pointed and analytical it is [carrots are used for coding and tags in html], how well it meshes with him as a game developer and programmer, and also because it looks a lot like his problem of lancing through things. He is a little spear of a guy. He sees a thing he wants -- or wants to avoid -- and he leaps for it. He ignores Tanguish's warnings, because they're uncomfortable, and there is a different reality he would rather deal with right now, thank you. Sharp little thoughts for Tango.

[Jazzhands!] So, yeah!

[mythtakens]

here are my Eddie Diaz specific wishes for the beginning of season 8 because the only way out is through and if I think too hard about where this season as a whole ended up and that bizarre lackluster finale I’ll have an out of body experience:

have this Eddie and Chris storyline actually mean something. if you’re gonna do this drastic traumatic thing in such a rushed way you have to do something with it. Could some time apart be good? sure! maybe! but don’t just have Chris gone and offscreen not speaking to his dad and never seen at all until they arbitrarily decide Eddie has done enough penance that he can be narratively rewarded by having his son back.

as good of a dad as Eddie is and as much as he wants to give Chris the space there’s still a big difference between not breaking down the door of a bedroom and a distance of 1000+ miles for months. let him go to Texas as the PARENT. bring Chris into the narrative. he’s older and more aware now, so have his decisions matter. have him face the reality of living with the Diaz parents who historically are probably not going to give him the freedom and respect he’s used to and let it become clear how different Eddie has always been in his approach to him… show us some flashbacks of Eddie’s own childhood, let Chris come to a deeper understanding of his father! let them actually talk about Shannon and what happened with Kim in a real way… let him fully realize his dad isn’t perfect but he tries so hard and let Chris recognize him as human and the value of what Eddie gives through that. if it’s about Gavin’s availability something like this can still be achieved in an arc of a few episodes if it’s given actual time and focus

let Eddie have a real confrontation with his parents about all of this. They flew from Texas to California in the middle of the night without a word to their own adult son and acted like it was their right to let a 13 year old make the call about his own parenting while Eddie was vulnerable and panicking. Without prior knowledge of the situation, without letting anything cool down. Let him tell them that was THE WRONG THING TO DO! Don’t have him get interrupted, don’t let them talk over him about how they know better, don’t let one of them drop dead while he’s letting his emotions out. Eddie always feels like he’s being punished when he does something for himself because, well, the narrative punishes him. DON’T PUNISH HIM.

let him tell Helena how deeply it hurt him when she said he was dragging Christopher down with him all those years ago and how this felt like a second instance of that, let him feel betrayed by the way Ramon handled this situation regarding HIS fatherhood and HIS son after all the time they’ve spent working on their own relationship, let him tell them they DON’T know better than him because he makes mistakes because they did too! let him tell them he’s a good father! let him feel like a good father! he is one!

if you want to explore who Eddie is when he doesn’t have Chris and only has himself to look after then actually do it. let him look after himself. For himself. don’t have him only be miserable and still feeling like a failure months later, don’t let him keep circling the drain just idealizing what he and Shannon had. Devin is great but my god… we need to let Shannon rest. As nuts as it was I tried to roll with the doppleganger storyline because I thought well, at least this will lead somewhere and ultimately be a catharsis even if it’s wild. but like then even that wasn’t fully formed and was twisted into a punishment and fresh trauma so?? whether he finally goes to some sort of grief group or gets to heal his inner child or whatever else, let him actually get something out of also making himself a priority in his own life and quit repeatedly destroying the ground under his feet and blaming himself with no end in sight

does Eddie deserve to get to a more mentally healthy place (especially after whatever the fuck all that was)? yeah! is healing linear? absolutely not, and I do love that this show doesn’t shy away from that with everyone’s respective trauma. but mental health is also not a game of punishments and rewards where keeping his own son around is what he gets for whatever passes for model behavior as decided by his parents and an emotional teenager. nobody has to earn the right to love or happiness or to keep raising their own child by sanding down all of their jagged edges and they’re usually very good about showing that so give him that same grace

okay this isn’t Eddie but literally fucking stop… repeatedly torturing Hen and Karen and their children. Stop it. stop. Right now. Stop.

kill Gerrard in a sharknado

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Doppio yandere alphabet

Affection — how do they show their love and affection?

Very physical affectionate. Often kissing and cuddling his darling as well as compliments and praise.

Blood — how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Doppio is not good with blood. If anything is going to happen is probably through Diavolo.

Cruelty — how would they treat their darling once abducted?

Doppio is very attentive, offering darling everything he possibly can. Unfortunately he's still ultimately under Diavolo’s wim and thus has to keep going back and forth between Diavolo and darling.

Darling — aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Besides kissing and cuddling the only other thing would be lacing water with crushed up sleeping medicine to stop outbursts or if he needs to do anything for Diavolo.

Exposed — how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He's very, won't let darling out as he knows they could become a target. Diavolo would most likely be against the relationship at first because of that, making doppio have to prove he can be responsible.

Fight — how would they feel if their darling fought back?

He'd be upset. He can take anything darling throws his way quite well and attempt to de-escalate but it does hurt him emotionally.

Game — is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No he freaks out. He panics and tries to rectifie the situation immediately.

Hell — what would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

If Diavolo ever decides to come out. Maybe darling tried to escape and Diavolo found out. He'd decide to 'straighten the out'.

After Doppio comes to and finds out what happened he'll call Diavolo to reprimand him but Diavolo usually had Doppio around his finger again by the end.

Ideals — what kind of future do they have in mind for their darling?

Doppio just wants a small and cozy life with only his darling. Doppio sometimes considers leaving passioné just so he can fulfill that wish but has never had the courage to go through with it.

Jealousy — do they get jealous? How do they handle it?

Doppio is extremely jealous. If he sees darling talking to someone he tries to grab their attention and leave the area.

Kisses — how do they act around or with their darling?

He's super affectionate and sweet, practically clinging on to darling every possible chance.

Love letters — how would they go about approaching their darling?

Doppio would initiate conversation and develop a platonic relationship, however he realizes that a platonic relationship isn’t enough.

Mask — are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Doppio loses all that bashfulness and is sickeningly sweet.

Naughty — how would they punish their darling?

Doppio does not punish darling. He's afraid of causing confrontation. It is usually Diavolo who ends up doing the punishing. Ends up berating Doppio about enabling darling.

Oppression — how many rights would they take away from their darling?

Doppio would have his darling isolated. It's too dangerous for them to have any affiliation with the outside world.

Patience — how patient are they with their darling?

Extremely, no matter what they do he's always there waiting for them to reciprocate his feelings

Quite — if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Never, he's practically been on his own minus Diavolo for all his life. The one time he had another person in his life only for them to be gone would be torturous for him.

Regret — would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling?

He does, but in his eyes he has no choice. He can't be alone again.

Stigma — what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Being isolated because of Diavolo. He's supper attached to darling because of that.

Tears — how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He feels horrible, constantly trying to make it up to darling with food and gifts.

Unique — would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He's abit of a pushover but at the same time has to juggle his relationship with his work and all the threats it has on darling.

Vice — what weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

He is afraid of confrontation and is willing to try and provide darling with whatever they want. He might ask why darling wants a particular item that they can use for an escape but a lie will get him 9/10 times.

Wit’s end — would they ever hurt their darling?

No doppio himself would never hurt darling.

Xoanon — how much would they revere or worship their darling?

Every moment he possibly can he'll be at darlings side dotting and providing for them.

Yearn — how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He could wait an eternity. He probably would have for them to reciprocate if it weren't for the massive target on his.

Zenith — would they ever break their darling?

He would absolutely not.

[bluedalahorse]

What would make August decide to reject the crown prince title?

Well, you know my brand! I actually think it’s possible for August to get to a place where he leaves behind the crown prince role. It’s a bit of a claw machine game, but isn’t that more fun to think about than letting him suffer forever? We love a challenge! We love growth! We like acknowledging the messiness of the character, and not always assuming the worst of every last thing he does! So let’s get into it.

I’m actually not going to talk about Sara much here. A lot of posts that talk about this crown prince situation mention how sad August is to have lost Sara, and while that’s true, I actually think there are other emotional undercurrents at work. Similarly to the way Wille is more than his relationship with Simon and has to leave the monarchy for his own self-actualization, August will leave for reasons that go beyond losing Sara.

I also want to open by agreeing with everything my esteemed colleague @heliza24 says about therapy and time and community in this post over here. What I’m going to say here is going to be long and rambly, but I think it will build on her talking points.

So let’s think about August holistically, in terms of his values. In order to get August out of the monarchy, the first step is understanding (excavating, even, because this shit works in layers) what draws him to it in the first place, and what his emotional needs are. I actually think it’s a common misconception that he’s into the whole thing for the power of it all. I actually think this is more about August’s need for belonging, particularly in terms of his wanting to be part of a family and the way he values traditions that bring people together. Monarchy runs on this idea of a sacred first family that sets the tone for the nation and leads them in following traditions. This ideal family is, in theory, the ultimate exemplar of what August desires in life. And yet the reality of the monarchy is far from the ideal. I think we sometimes assume August has a clear view of what monarchy is like, since he’s related to the royal family and all. But I also think his close proximity clouds his judgment. More details below…

The thing about being in the crown prince position is that at first it would set up opportunities for August to connect with family members, namely Kristina, which initially would meet a family-related need. August seems to hold Kristina in high regard. He’s looking forward to the possibility that she might visit during parents’ weekend in season 1, and he’s pretty afraid of facing her in season 2 when he’s called to the palace. Of course, that is about her position as queen as much as anything, but I can’t help but wondering if it’s also that Kristina was August’s father’s favorite cousin. And isn’t that a fruitful piece of information? There’s so much that can be done with that connection! For instance…

A lot of August’s trauma is rooted in grief. Some of that is complicated grief for Erik, which his reconciliation with Wille (and probably their shared sessions with Boris) has helped him start to feel and unravel. We haven’t really seen August fully grieve his father yet, but I imagine that if there were seasons 4 and 5, this would be the next step in his character arc. Grieving his father is crucial. In season 3, August has (clumsily, in front of Sara when he shouldn’t have said it, but the lines happened and I find them fascinating) just begun to idealize his father less—he says he misses his dad even though his dad was shitty, and that makes me go, okay, what else is behind that line? (A really amazing fanfic by @sflow-er is what.)

Meanwhile Kristina mentions that she and Carl Johan were really close until Carl Johan started to fall into addiction. Lots to peel back there, too! Like, what happened? What was the timeline of all this, and was it a big falling out or a slow breakdown in the relationship? Does Kristina feel any guilt related to August’s father’s suicide, like August himself does? We don’t know how she feels about Louise—is she sympathetic toward her for having to be married to a man who was potentially abusive? Or would Kristina have bought into Carl Johan’s potentially false narrative of Louise, and blamed Louise for her husband’s addiction and mental health crisis?

Whichever direction you take this, I think working with Kristina day to day would bring up opportunities for August to confront his sense of loss. Kristina probably has all kinds of stories about August’s dad, and how they got up to trouble together in their childhood and youth, and which now-deceased family members responded to their antics. August might be able to share a few stories about his dad as well. Sharing memories is an important part of the grieving process, for so many people, and I imagine at first August would feel connected to his father’s side of the family for the first time in a while, and there might be some good things that come of it.

On the other hand… those initial benefits might not last forever. And August would soon discover the fucked up aspects to that side of the family. It’s possible Kristina might try to help August mend his relationship with his mother, but in the scenario I mentioned above (Kristina buys into Carl Johan’s narrative of Louise and blames her for his death) I can see her trying to interfere when August and Louise try to repair their relationship. Wouldn’t that create some fun tension between August and Kristina? I do think August wants to repair his relationship with his mother. As mad as he is with her in season 1, we also see hints in seasons 2 and 3 that he doesn’t actually hate her and wants to feel connected to her. After graduation he goes to find her and Rickard in the graduation line where all the parents are holding photos. I could see a situation where August, a year or two after canon, decides he wants to patch things up with his mom, and keeps running into pushback from Kristina about it. Aren’t there so many ways that tension could escalate? Wouldn’t that be a fun thing to play with in fanfic?

And then there’s Wilhelm. The way I read their reconciliation, it felt like August would try to maintain a good relationship with Wilhelm in the future. What does that become if he ends up in a position where he’s always mediating between Kristina and Wilhelm now that their relationship has fractured? And then we know Kristina tried to turn Wilhelm into Replacement Erik, I can absolutely imagine a situation where she starts thinking of August as Replacement Wilhelm and behaving accordingly, and August grows to resent that. Ultimately I can see August siding with Wilhelm over Kristina in the end and they end up banding together.

All those paragraphs above basically just mean that like… I feel like being in the crown prince role might bring a lot to the surface for August, in terms of how he relates to his family. And once he sees what wounds being crown prince can’t heal, that’s going to shatter his idealism and make him question the monarchy as a representation of the family in general. And that’s an important step out the door.

Now, August also needs to see what alternatives to this “perfect ideal family model” are out there. He also needs to realize that family isn’t just about blood relatives. Which just means he needs honest friendships with people who don’t subscribe to that kind of patriarchal nonsense. I don’t mean August needs patient queer friends who will hold his hand and explain the concept of heterotemporality to him in a soft voice. I just mean that being around more people who break his mental schemas in that regard would be a good thing. Like how does his friendship with Nils develop now that Nils has come out? What if, I dunno, it turns out that Louise and Rickard are both bisexual and poly? And then of course there’s his continued relationship with Wilhelm, which I imagine he’d continue to invest in now that they’ve turned things around at the end of season 3.

Does that wrap up the family stuff for now? Probably. There’s a thousand more things I could talk about but we’ll put it aside for now.

I mentioned August valuing tradition in my opener, so I want to address that too. Surface August—aka the protective suit of armor August has constructed for himself in season 1—seems to value tradition for its own sake, and mostly defines inclusion for some as something that can only exist when there’s exclusion of others. These are all the broken things Surface August has been taught or (we now know) traumatized to believe, and they come out in his behavior, and it sucks.

At the same time, what happens over three seasons is that we see there’s this deeply buried version of August that’s struggling to get out, and in my opinion at least, that deeply buried August actually gives a shit about others feeling a sense of belonging. I feel like this part of August is influenced by his own experiences with isolation and loneliness, and we see glimmers of him from time to time. (Especially when it’s Vincent doing something exclusive and shitty, for whatever reason. See August standing up to Vincent when Vincent is shitty to Simon in 2.3.) I think for August, traditions and rituals and events are something he sees as being deeply important in creating a sense of belonging for people. And he’s not fully wrong. Traditions and events done right are how humans make sacred their bonds with one another… which is why you get a bunch of Wilmon wedding headcanons. Because we love traditions too, you know.

As much as August gets a reputation for being rigid, there are times when we’ve seen him budge from what’s expected of him and change up the rules. I think August is actually more willing to rewrite tradition than fandom gives him credit for. He’s got suggestions for the speech Jan-Olof wants him to recite verbatim. He tells Vincent to rethink the senior superlatives. And he’s one of the third years who makes a pact to remove the really homophobic part of the initiation. 

I say this not to give August undue credit—these are half-steps and there’s clearly more he can do, and some of these traditions should be eliminated, not modified. But I want to point out two things. First, that imperfect half-steps (and some pretty epic backslides) were part of Wilhelm’s journey too before he made his full break with the monarchy. Second, by season 3, we can see that August is actually capable of reflecting about traditions and considering ways they could be rewritten to create more of a sense of belonging for others. 

Again, this is imperfect, and we may want him to do more… and this is another place where he could potentially end up clashing with the royal court in time. One thing that I’ve thought about is that being a prefect at Hillerska is a little different—in theory if not in practice—than being the crown prince of Sweden. As a Hillerska prefect you’re just leading the elite and the few who get into your school, but as crown prince you really are supposed to be there for the nation as a whole (albeit in a “non-divisive” way) and I think August does actually recognize that distinction and would try to approach it differently than being prefect or rowing captain. Except he would continue to be a total overachiever.

Like, look. On some level August would be incredibly earnest about the idea of being the keeper of Sweden’s traditions, and earnestness is not the same as being a rubber stamp or a yes-man. The royal court may think they’ve finally got someone who will carry out whatever monarchical agenda they set without question but like… idk, do they? Do they really??? August is going to want say in the process, and August is going to have so many ideas about how to make traditions better/more awesome, and August is going to annoy the hell out of Jan-Olof and Farima. He is going to be so annoying! He is going to have slides presentations! He is going to crunch the data on how the royal family is getting bad press for their carbon footprint and come up with a plan for renewable fuel on the private jet so now they can totally show people they’re legit! Meanwhile he’s going to be annoyed when his ideas are getting blocked. And I find the slow build in conflict that would arise out of a situation like that pretty entertaining.

Okay, it’s time to wrap up. For real this time. (This would all be better in a fanfic than in an analysis post, really! I should write.) Ultimately I think August would be drawn into the monarchy because he’d see it as a way of living his values of family and tradition and hell, service to the nation and being part of something, but he’d grow frustrated and disillusioned when it didn’t, actually, allow him to do that or give him the space to do it. The answer to Rickard’s question—does the monarchy love you back?—is no. And I don’t know how long post-season-3 August is willing to put up with being unrequited like that. Maybe for a time, but not forever.

You may also wonder why I have faith that he’ll get here. And the simple answer is: after season 3, my faith in August is intertwined with my faith in Wilhelm. Wilhelm breaking with the monarchy at the end of season 3 (especially after some pretty intense backsliding moments.) shows me that it’s possible for August to do it too, someday. That is perhaps a post for another time. For now, let’s just look forward to all the opportunities for a fix-it fic.

[stillsolo]

although i normally like to separate my headcanons by verses (modern/sw), i’ll be going with sw only for consistency this time.

NAME: han solo / han ‘jonash e.’ solo NICKNAME(s): captain, general, scruffy-looking, nerfherder.  han has a particular fondness for nicknames, especially when they come from strangers or casual acquaintances.  it isn’t out of any desire for familiarity or a closer connection—far from it.  the truth is, the fewer people who know, hear about, and remember his real name, the better.  it’s a layer of anonymity that keeps him comfortably one step ahead. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: timeline dependent. single. GENDER: cis male. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:   pansexual.   giving him a label only because i have to.   han is unabashed in what he likes, and he’s open to pretty much anything, be it men, women, enbies, aliens etc. PREFERRED PET NAMES: n/a.     the occasional endearment or pet name is fine, maybe even welcomed if it’s the right person.  however, if that nickname / pet name ever starts to fully replace his real name, it’s a different matter entirely lol  han will quickly grow to resent it, preferring instead to hear his name or, better yet, no nickname at all!

OPINION ON TRUE LOVE: han doesn’t believe in “true love” and there is no way to convince him otherwise.  you’re either gullible or stupidly naïve if you believe in it.  his deep-seated mistrust of anything intangible, anything he can’t see or feel for himself, defines much of his character and disposition, so until he experiences “true love” firsthand—a prospect he’d probably instinctively fight against—he’ll remain unconvinced. OPINION ON LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT:  again, han’s beliefs are grounded in experience.  he’s never known what it’s like to fall in love at first sight and his tendency to keep people at a distance—whether intentional or not—places love and romance at the very bottom of his priorities.  this isn’t exactly a very welcoming mindset, y’know?  however, i will say he might concede to the magic of second glances.  in other words, although the notion of “love at first sight” ultimately remains dumb and bewildering to him, he might find himself seeing someone in a new light after some time has passed, which is about as close as han will ever get to the notion of “love at first sight”. HOW ‘ROMANTIC’ ARE THEY?: this isn’t the first time i’ve grappled with this question, though it has been a few years since i last attempted to answer it.  my core beliefs remain unchanged, but i’ll admit that my perspective has broadened over time.  while han solo might not initially strike one as the most romantic guy out there, i’ve come to view him as one of the more romantic characters in the franchise—albeit from a certain point of view. consider his actions, from daring rescue attempts to insanely self-sacrificing stunts: 1) facing the empire to rescue a captured princess, 2) at the end of anh, when he pivots the falcon, he endangers himself, his ship, and his best friend, all to save some wet-behind-the-ears farmboy 3) riding out ALONE into a dangerous blizzard, armed only with his tauntaun, minimal gear, and with night falling fast, to search for luke, his totally platonic ‘guy friend’. han’s behavior in the first two films alone speaks volumes about the man he truly is and the lengths he’ll go to for the people he cares about.   this, despite his best efforts to convince everyone and their frickin’ moms—and maybe even himself—that he’s only in it for the money / himself / XYZ-excuse.   the stark contrast between his words and his actions is honestly confusing as hell but kinda super endearing if you ask me.  i really want to say more, but i might just make a separate post about this topic if anyone’s interested in reading it lol

IDEAL PHYSICAL TRAITS: this is a tough question to pin down when han isn’t looking for that. he isn’t even the type to actively seek out a partner unless it’s for a one-night stand, and those are rare—so rare, in fact, that he could count those encounters on one hand.  trust issues run deep with han, and given his line of work, physical attraction alone isn’t worth the risk of putting himself in a vulnerable position—and i mean that quite literally              okay, okay, sorry, back to the point: physical appearances don’t matter much to him.  the most i can say is that (alien) humanoids are the best case scenario, but even that isn’t a hard and fast rule.  what he does appreciate is a pretty face, regardless of whether it belongs to a man or a woman.

IDEAL PERSONALITY TRAITS: honesty and loyalty are non-negotiable.  they’re the bedrock of any relationship, romantic or otherwise.  if a person can’t offer him these two basic essentials, then as far as he’s concerned, they’re not worth his time.  everything else is just icing on the cake.  han values people who are adaptable, independent, open-minded, genuine, spirited, decisive, and expressive. UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS: when it comes to body type, han isn’t looking for an armful of skin and bones, but he’s also not interested in getting crushed by someone with jabba’s physique...  height isn’t much of a factor, either.  look, if they can handle themselves and keep up with him in a tight spot, then they’ve got his attention, okay? UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS: han isn’t much different from the next guy.  traits like cruelty, pretentiousness, and manipulation are instant red flags.  but if there’s one thing han absolutely cannot and will not tolerate, it’s someone trying to control him or dictate how he should think and feel.  given his upbringing and the years he spent under the oppressive thumb of an emotionally + physically abusive parental figure, it’s understandable—though deeply rooted in past trauma—that he bolts at the first sign of someone trying to exert control over him. lastly, narrow-mindedness / close-mindedness is notably unappealing to him as well.  corellians have a reputation for being worldly and open to new experiences for a good reason, as their adventurous spirit and hunger for the stars led to the invention of the modern hyperdrive.  to han, narrow-minded / close-minded views aren’t just unattractive, they’re a glaring mismatch with the very core of who he is.

IDEAL DATE: ‘dates’ are so far removed from canon!han that i just kinda sat around thinking about this for way too long lol first off, this is super timeline dependent. overall, han doesn’t do dates—not in the traditional sense. with him, dates are so casual they barely qualify as dates at all. unless he’s genuinely falling for someone, you’d be hard-pressed to get him to agree to a one-on-one outing that feels like anything more than a casual hangout. admittedly, he might not even realize what he’s doing. the truth is, han avoids anything that could lead to the kind of solidified promise a real relationship demands—and no, commitment isn’t the issue, it’s everything that comes with it. the idea of meeting their friends, their parents, moving in together, planning for their shared future… it all feels like a slow march toward an inevitable crossroads: either break up or get married. neither of those outcomes sit well with him. ofc, this is until someone lovely comes by to make him want a future with them p: DO THEY HAVE A TYPE?: han is the sort of man who likes learning to love the unique aspects of his partner, the little things that set them apart from a sea of faces.  but if i had to pin down his ideal type, it would be someone who can match him in every sense—quick-witted in conversation and just as sharp in a fight ( an “ordinary citizen” would either bore him or scare him ).  he’s captivated by those who bring excitement and spirit to the table, someone who thrives on adventure and isn’t afraid of the unpredictable turns life tends to take. independence is key.   han values someone who can stand on their own two feet, who doesn’t rely on him for every little thing.  if they lean on him too much, or expect him to be their rock at every turn, that’s one surefire way to push him away.   in short, even if he cares for them, if they can’t adapt to his lifestyle—let’s be real, settling down isn’t exactly on his to-do list—he’ll cut ties, believing it’s best for both of them.   han is always on the move, and anyone who can’t keep up is bound to get left behind.

AVERAGE RELATIONSHIP LENGTH: good luck getting him to even consider using a label, let alone willingly. PREFERRED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY: the list is extensive: cuddling, napping, hugging, cooking together, eating together, basically spending quality time together doing XYZ!!!   but it’s important to note that unless he has very strong feelings for them or is in love, these gestures won’t come naturally to him, and he might even try to wriggle out of offers/requests with a well-timed change of subject or even abruptly remember he has something to do before frantically running away lol COMMITMENT LEVEL: i’ve talked about this several times over the years but i’ll happily say it again bc this conflation makes me go absolutely feral: han’s reputation has always been besmirched by fans who struggle to mark the difference between fiction and reality.  i adore harrison, but his playboy ways back in the 80′s, bled into han’s image as a character.   once han falls for someone, he becomes exceptionally loyal and deeply committed. OPINION OF PUBLIC AFFECTION: despite what many might assume, han is a fairly reserved man.  in his younger days, this reservation stemmed from a entrenched reluctance to be openly vulnerable, coupled with the awareness of how dangerous it could be to flaunt a romantic interest in a world where potential threats lurked at every corner.  when he’s older, particularly after the events of ROTJ and beyond, this wariness evolves into a personal preference for privacy.  at this stage in his life, he’s general han solo, the dude who helped bring down an empire.  the spotlight is something han never quite grows accustomed to, and it grates on him more than he cares to admit.  public displays of affection are minimal, limited to holding hands or, at most, a quick kiss on the cheek. PAST RELATIONSHIPS?: well, uh, y’see,..,

tagged by : @debelltio thank you for thinking of me alistair!! i rarely get tag memes anymore and i very clearly enjoy doing them lol tagging: @techniiciian @tapalslegacy @sgterso @chosesun @forcenexus @alootus @lightfaithed @duelfated & whoever else wants to do this!!

[tanadrin]

OK, so this post is going to probably look like I’m critcizing @jadagul quite directly, and I am, but only because he is a proximate example of something I find worth commenting on generally. This does not change the fact that I generally like and respect him, and find him pleasant to interact with.

There is a style of political thinking which seems to have an intuition that the law should work like mathematical formalism or computer programming, with a very close and literal relationship between any act of government (an executive action or an act of a legislature) and the constitutional or statutory text which enables that action. That even if the law is a messy and organic human institution, it shouldn’t be, and in ideal circumstances the whole system would be fairly mechanistic, with little room for human discretion. This line of thinking seems to work itself out in ideas like, “OK, discrimination is bad; but so is the government interfering in private actions; so anti-discrimination legislation is bad, too, in a different way.” Or “democracy is important, but part of democracy is free expression; and how you spend your money is a kind of expression, so limits on how you spend your money when it comes to politics is antithetical to democracy.” Or, in the anarcho-capitalist form I most strongly associate this line of thinking with, “OK, people seem to want a lot of freedom, low taxes, and the government not to tell them what to do; so we can (and should) construct a society where the government does very little--ideally nothing at all--and everything that can be is transferred to the private sphere, to be a matter of contract law and civil litigation. Since government power is very little or nonexistent, and all oppression comes from the government, everyone will be very free.”

This isn’t just wrong in the sense that the law is actually an irretrievably messy and organic institution because all human institutions are irretrievably messy and organic and we’re stuck with them; this is wrong because it is good that human institutions are messy and organic, and it would be bad if they were all purely mechanistic. I know this probably seems like a self-evidently silly thing to say if your intuition is toward the mechanistic and formalistic (and believe me, I share that aesthetic preference a lot of the time!) but it really is true. It is simply not possible for a legal system to reduce all potential coordination problems, political disputes, and breaches of social order to a set of general principles, and trying to would result in either monstrously cruel outcomes, like the ancient law codes that just killed everybody who broke them, or total structural collapse, like that town that got taken over by libertarians and then bears (because the libertarians didn’t understand the specific governance needs of the town, like how regular trash collection kept the bears away).

In particular, trying for this kind of metaphysical purity in your legal system often seems to cause people’s aesthetic preferences to short-circuit their moral ones; and because no legal system actually is metaphysically pure in this way, ultimately neither is satisfied. The thinking seems to go, we want a free and equal society without oppression; but government action is frequently oppressive, especially when it interferes with private business, so we don’t want to have anti-discrimination legislation. So what they get is a society without anti-discrimination legislation, that is also markedly unequal, because it turns out that bigotry just doesn’t go away by people saying “bigotry is bad, people shouldn’t do that.” Or, people want democracy; but they also want people to be able to spend their money how they want (that’s key to the liberal part of liberal democracy), so they don’t want to impose limits on spending around political campaigns. As a consequence, wealth inequalities distort politics by making the only viable candidates the ones who appeal to wealthy donors, putting a whole class of policies that poll really well outside the political pale--i.e., a profoundly undemocratic system where very popular legislation stands no chance of getting passed. Or, people want property rights and healthy markets; commensurate with that, they resist any effort to impose limits on those property rights or redistribute wealth. They get, as a result (and often hand-in-hand with the distortions of democracy that stem from the previous example), a system with a lot of rent-seeking and corruption where fair competition is almost impossible and there are a lot of monopolies that are bad for both businesses and consumers, far from the libertarian utopia of their laissez-faire dreams.

This isn’t meant to be a Chestertonian set of counterintuitive gotchas, where I try to argue that the real democracy was monarchy all along or something, just an observation that you have to look at, and argue from, actual outcomes, and not just what is conceptually appealing, even if you want to further quite lofty and abstract political ideals. Much the same way that abolishing your military does not keep you out of conflicts, if it results in you suddenly getting invaded by your neighbor, or abolishing anti-discrimination law would not result in a freer society, if you have a bunch of racists itching to discriminate against the minorities they don’t like.

I remember a post of Scott Alexander’s once expressing confusion at the idea banks would just decide not lend to black people in the midcentury US, because surely they would stand to make more money if they had more customers, and if they had more customers the banks run by non-racists would outcompete the banks run by racists, and I remember thinking, like, come on dude. There is a whole complex social ecology surrounding race and racial discrimination, which is going to drown out any possible weak effect that you are pointing to here. And he simply could not see it because it was not part of the world he knew, and he lacked the imagination to understand it.

Everything the law touches is like this. Law is not actually, nor can it be, a separate domain from politics, or economics, or private business, or religion, or any other aspect of human life. It is a loose category of thing we have drawn a fuzzy border around, like so much else. And because of the complexity inherent in the problems it presents, trying to decide which policies are best without reference to actual outcomes at best makes you prone to a kind of head-in-the-clouds idealism. But much more often, I think it means people support things actually corrosive to the principles they claim to espouse.

[anguishedlurker]

A Twisted Situation

Phic Phight for @bellsandmischief / bellsandmischeif on ao3! Prompt "Board game night! The crazier the combination of characters, the better!"

I physically need you all to know that this just sort of happened in about two and a half hours. I didn't write, I was fucking posessed at 3.4k words. Here it is in Ao3 glory

Sam was gong to kill someone, actually.

Star’s lips peeled back in something that couldn’t be called a smile as she waited for Sam to make the first move, waving the hat menacingly.

“I will start a fight you can’t end. Don’t.”

Star’s eyes narrowed before sense washed over her expression, shaking rage off with a short jerk of the head, proper fake smile bouncing straight into place.

Dammit, Sam needed the excuse to leave. Even if it was in cuffs.

“Nothing?”

“Buy your school charity game night pass or leave. You’re gonna build a line, and I don’t care what your issue is, even if it’s really obvious.”

Sam was probably going to kill Tucker worse than she was going to kill Danny, this time.

Danny was… Danny. If box ghost showed up, then getting ditched wasn’t about her.

But Tucker?

“Not that you asked, but apparently the losers forgot to do their homework and now need to do it last minute.”

Sam was going to kill Tucker for not having a better excuse to ditch.

“They do homework?” Star asked, chipper as she watched carefully.

Case in point….

“That’s what I said.” Sam sighed, finally moving to pull out her wallet.

Stupid damn ghosts wrecking the stupid damn scoreboard and pieces of the football field, making Ishiyama panic to get a budget for fixing it now and not next year.

Begging on her knees to Vlad or Sam’s parents was not ideal, and Sam had to admit that this was a better option.

“You donating extra to add to the community ticket pool?” Star asked, leaning back in the shit chair in disinterest, shaking the hat in a taunt.

“Considering I only have a hundred on me, yes.”

Star’s eyebrows raised at that, but she ultimately didn’t remark on it as she put the hat down to unlock the register and shove the hundred in.

It was definitely a first class problem, but one of these days Sam was going to end up tearing out hair over trying to explain that hundred dollar bills are not appropriate amounts of cash to take to so much as an average middle class outing, let alone a charity event in the school gym.

It didn’t have to be her hair either. Violence on her mother sounded nice far too often.

Star absently tossed down four poker chips right behind a sign reading ‘DONATED EXTRA TICKETS’, and picked the hat back up. The crinkle of the numbered paper bits were a guise for the gods laughing at her, Sam was sure.

“Your move, Sam.”

And yeah, it sure was her move.

~

Group four. Japanese number of death, not that it mattered.

Group four, over on the left side of the gym. Wes and Ishiyama eyed her as she approached.

Nobody spoke as she held her paper piece for viewing.

“You know what, I think dad was right. This isn’t worth it.” Wes informed gravely, moving to stand.

“Sit. It’ll be fine, and you got half in advance.” Ishiyama informed, twice as grave.

“The hell does half in advance mean?” Sam accused, already looking to leave again.

Bite her, this was gonna go badly and she needed out.

“Wes has been hired to take some photo’s to help with paper coverage.” Ishiyama stated mildly, her expression warning that if Sam was anyone else the verbal abuse would be much more severe already.

“Okay. Can I ask why Stevie and-” Sam started, motioning to Wes as she spoke even as she made eye contact with Ishiyama.

“You know the butcher place?” Wes asked, cutting off her solicitation of a scathing remark. Ishiyama’s smile tightened, because Stevie and Logan probably were the original plan. Yet, she remained silent.

Dammit. Just this once, provoke her. Give her the excuse.

Bu yeah, fine. Sure. Whatever.

“The one down on-”

She could play ball. She could totally ace the polite conversation contest she and Wes were definitely having.

“They weren’t inside, technically, but like… it’ll be another week.”

Sam cringed in understanding. Lunch Lady and Skulker had both done their number on the joint.

“Well, everyone knows I don’t miss the place, but… Anyone made a card yet?”

They were an alarmingly destructive pair, and debris is rather dangerous to the average person.

“It’ll probably be the homeroom activity on Monday. Now smile, Manson.” Wes sighed, holding up the camera.

Sam immediately made the ugliest grimace she could, even as Wes scowled at her.

“Don’t give me that. I’m with Ishiyama for tonight, and Ishiyama is is in charge of group four. And like, I want to play! Part of my thing was free admission to play. What’s the point of a fight?”

“It just means I go down with you, idiot. And if I go down, I’d do it swinging anyways.”

“Take a seat and wait for the rest of the group.” Ishiyama finally growled, pointedly not looking at either of them.

~

“Ishiyama. I am begging you with no shame; You know, already, how this won’t work!”

Ishiyama was just as transfixed as Sam was on Paulina’s approach, Wes too distracted with taking photos to know the danger everyone was now in.

Ishiyama finally broke the trance to give Sam the most miserable look she could, right as Paulina looked up or long enough to see who she was heading for.

Wes continued to very narrowly evade losing the social politics required to keep from being punched by Dash over in group six, oblivious.

Paulina carefully looked at Sam, glancing at Ishiyama.

Paulina carefully looked at Ishiyama, glancing at Sam.

Sam grimaced and pointed at Wes, who was rapidly realizing that Dash might actually hit him this time.

Paulina immediately fixated on Wes, wide-eyed.

Wes, making his exit, turned to find out that paulina was staring at him, and Sam had swapped to pointing at Paulina.

Wes was now staring at Sam, and also pointing at Paulina.

Sam very slowly nodded.

Wes turned to Ishiyama, who was refusing to look anyone in the eye.

Paulina turned to look at the gym doors, clearly mentally calculating the danger and not coming to any favorable conclusions.

Before she could simply turn around and walk out however, Jack Fenton came bellowing in.

“Hey-o kiddo! You in group four too?” He asked, not waiting to loop an arm around Paulina and start dragging.

Wes looked like he was dreaming of the nearest breakable window, but there was money on the line. He began the miserable shuffle towards his doom..

Sam moved to stand, stopped by Ishiyama.

“God help us both child, if this has to be my night then it’s going to be yours too.” Ishiyama demanded, breathing just a little too hard.

“You and what blackmail?” Sam challenged.

“The glitter and glue spray bomb on the cheer team a month ago, straight to your parents.” Ishiyama hissed, just low enough Paulina wouldn’t catch it in her rapid forced approach.

Sam contemplated, and sat back down.

If she got Sam that meant she go Danny, and Danny was on some very thin tightropes right now. Tightropes apparently held by her parents monetary support, because even if Sam got punished they’d pull their next donation for being bothered with such lowly activities.

This was fine. This was going to be so fine. Why wouldn’t it be so fine?

~

“The first game, at least before we are free to chose…” Ishiyama started, taking a shuddering breath.

“Is however far we get in monopoly.”

There were multiple monopoly sets donated for this event, and no time limit on playing.

The limiting factor being potential assault charges was not mentioned as Wes clicked his tongue and Ishiyama and Paulina both plastered on smiles for the camera.

Sam was going to hate that tongue click by the end of the night.

“I love monopoly!” Jack sounded off, missing the sheer rage of the other four people tapped here with him.

~

“I…”

The silence of the third doubles in a row was deafening.

“I sit my little piece in the jail, and leave to go take a photo of group two in twister. Yell at me when someone rolls me out.” Wes huffed, borderline slamming the flatscreen TV token onto the board.

It was the second turn.

Ishiyama had made them take the Electronic Banking monopoly set, to hopefully discourage cheating as she now held the little device that could read their fake little cards. Ishiyama herself gave a faintly wistful look as Wes stomped off, likely dreaming of doing the same.

“Six, not a double.” Sam sighed, hauling her little coin case to the Mall Of America. Obviously she bought it.

Paulina glared at her, the purse token sitting innocently on the Saint Louis Arch. Her master plan of getting all of those spots was ruined, truly.

Might even have to buy it from Sam.

“Alright! My Turn! Two, woohoo baby! The airports are like train stations in this one, right? I’m taking it!” Jack hollered, deafening. Paulina cringed as she reassessed her plans yet again, watching Jack take his second roll straight into Sam’s MOA. Small blessings.

“So, Jack. What brings you, but not your wife.” Ishiyama asked mildly after fiddling with the stupid little device to transfer everyone’s money, picking up the dice and rolling.

She got herself another ten, and was sent straight to the parking lot. Where there was no pot to take.

“Oh, Mads is out chasing that box spook and the town menace!”

“Alone?” Paulina asked flatly, picking up the dice. Nine. Straight into a treasure chest, which she seemed pleased by.

She seemed modestly displeased by the card she pulled, but ultimately didn’t do anything as Ishiyama verified if she was supposed to do anything based on it. Clearly not.

“Mads is smart! And we promised we’d do something to help get the school in order, so I’m here!”

Ah, yes. Because they’re about ninety five percent of the reason the turf was ruined.

“Right then.” Ishiyama soothed, giving Paulina a flat look.

Paulina seemed unbothered at least. Ishiyama tossed the dice for Wes and came up with no doubles.

~

“Utilities are always good.” Jack hummed, getting his cards in order.

“What about your son?” Ishiyama asked, passive as ever.

“Hmmm…. Dunno. I don’t think this is his kinda thing, though.”

Sam was suddenly glad Wes wasn’t here, the doubles ever elusive.

By the way Paulina carefully eyed his position at team two, she was in agreement. Just because she thought he was nuts didn’t mean she was unaware the moment his little “theory” breached containment to Danny’s parents was the same moment secen kinds of hell broke loose.

“I see.” Ishiyama offered flatly, taking her question mark card.

~

“There’s no way none of you have rolled me doubles yet.”

“Tell you what, Wes… do you want us to just do a gentlemans agreement that you can come back in? I’m sure our lovely team here wouldn’t be opposed.”

“I… wouldn’t want to impose. And those photos-”

“No, truly. Sam? Jack? Paulie?”

“Really, no trouble at all Wes. It’d be mean to leave you there.”

“Whatever.”

“Oh, sure thing kids! Come on, all in honor of having fun!”

“I… thank. You. Your generosity towards rule breaking is truly touching.”

“No problem.” Ishiyama hummed, faintly pleased with herself about dragging everyone down with her.

~

Jack Fenton was the luckiest man this side of Amity.

Sure, Sam had gotten both green spaces already, but this was…

“That’s the last airport, right?”

“I think we’re done.” Ishiyama decided. Wes didn’t take his face out of his hands, his TV token sitting in jail again.

Jacks face fell.

“Yeahhhh, it’s not fun when one person dominates. I know it’s like, luck, but we’ve also got other games to do.” Paulina absently remarked, examining her nails.

“It’s like you’ve forgotten you hate us. Where’s your fast exit?” Sam taunted.

“Samantha.”

“Haven’t. You’re just more invested than I am. And my brother drove me because my engine blew, so I’m stuck anyways because I’m not taking a ride from any of you.”

Jack seemed to contemplate before making his statement.

“I guess that’s fair. But do you two not really…”

“Worlds most open secret my man, not unlike-”

“Wes. I cannot stress enough that I will simply take the murder charge. Ishiyama is not capable of pulling me off in time.” Sam threatened.

“Principal, are you going to take that!?”

“Yes. Of all the people to antagonize, not him!”

“What?” Jack asked, befuddled.

“Not a problem. Cluedo, anyone? It’s open, now.” Paulina offered, the picture of innocence.

~

Jack really was the saving grace to the whole situation, honestly. Insane luck aside, nobody wanted to pull any social triggers with him around.

Sam because she really didn’t need Danny’s parents to hate her, Ishiyama because Jack was the frontline of a contactable defense in emergencies, Paulina had just mentally checked out, and Wes didn’t want to die by Sam’s hand and Ishiyama’s approval.

“I know I asked about Daniel earlier, but did Jasmine not want to come? Rope, Green, Spa.” Ishiyama prattled off.

Paulina was elbowed not so subtly as the player to the left, pretty much her whole pad at Ishiyama so she didn’t have to ask her to speak again.

“Oh, Jazzy’s out tutoring!”

What? Sam tended to have a pretty good idea of where Jazz was at, given she was backup, and… well...

“I didn’t know Spike was on the tutor list.” Sam prodded.

“Manson, who?” Wes asked, glaring.

“Uhhh. I think it’s Edward? Edward… something. I don’t know what his last name is, actually.”

“Edmund Cox. His parents are like, freaks about Narnia.” Paulina offered, realigning with reality as Ishiyama blatantly cheated off Paulinas notepad in the background.

Nobody said anything for a half beat.

“Why do you know that?” Wes finally bit out.

“Money hides in odd places, and I know many with money.” Paulia said, almost totally tranquil as she gave Sam the stink eye.

She could keep at it, nobody would ever believe her that Sam was rich.

“I dunno that Jazzy tutors any Edmunds… You sure she knows an Edmund?”

Ishiyama cleared her throat, and Wes tossed the dice down to move a few more spaces.

A grand total of two.

“Okay, well, I’m sure Jasmine is helping your son. You know, with his homework.” Wes hissed, trying to kill Sam with his eyes.

“Hell if I know, I’m stuck here with you all.”

Wes deflated as Jack finally made it to the kitchen.

“Green, knife, kitchen!” Jack cheered, pointing at Wes to fork over information.

~

Sam was starting to get the picture of the murder, but something was wrong.

Very wrong.

“You. Scarlett, living room, bat!”

“Nothing! You! Loser! Stop trying to catch me lying!” Paulina screamed, barely restraining herself from throwing the entire notepad at Sam’s skull.

“If he doesn’t have it, and you don’t have it, and SHE doesn’t have it, then who has the god damn-!”

“Peace, children.” Ishiyama warned, clearly not believing that peace would be achieved.

~

“I just find it all odd.” Ishiyama hummed, pressing Jack for answers about Danny.

“Yeah, well… It’s not like he really opens up to us anymore. Me and Mads chalk it up to teenager stuff, but…”

Wes wasn’t even focused on chewing mental glass over the secrets he wasn’t allowed to spill, that’s how fucked up this game of Clue was.

“So we’re just ignoring that nobody can narrow it down to one murderer?” He hissed, inching closer to Ishiyama. “We’re just having a super casual little conversation about the idiots school life?”

Ishiyama finally connected that she was only skating by a shitfit from her captive audience because everyone was in an old western style stalemate, and turned to the board again.

“It is very strange….”

“I give. I fucking give. I give up and I’m looking in the fucking packet and I’m taking the loss.” Paulina ranted, snatching up the little yellow envelope before Ishiyama could protest.

Everyone pretended they weren’t super pissed about it when four cards fell out instead of three.

“We have two murders. Green and Scarlett in the kitchen, with the bat.”

Nobody spoke.

“Well… what’s our next game, then?” Ishiyama asked, slightly strained. Even Jack looked mad at this twist.

~

“Left hand blue.” Wes called, exactly as miserable as the rest of them.

Why twister? Who decided that letting Jack Fenton pick was a good idea?

~

Sam crab shuffled between the apropiate colors for limbs so that her head was closer to Ishiyama’s. Wes gave her an unpleasant look for technically cheating, but remained silent. Taking limb detangling off the option list was lethal.

“Call it.”

“UGH! Right foot green.” Paulina wailed, twisting even worse to make it work.

“You know I can’t. I don’t want to plead with Vlad, and this already isn’t enough. Everyone needs to walk away with perfect opinions so they come to the next one, and how can they do that if the organizer won’t play?”

“What about Vladdie!?” Jack called, getting dangerously close to having to stick his head under Ishiyama’s ass.

“Bullshit.” Sam barked, calling bluff. “Not a damn person would seriously rail at you about it.”

“Yes. They would.”

“Left hand blue.” Paulina called miserably. Jack went stock still as he now had very critical choice about where his center of balance, and thusly his head, was going to start drastically leaning to.

~

“Move, loser!”

“I physically cannot! Get your ass off my back first!”

“Get your thigh off my fucking-”

Jack, having detangled from Ishiyama a bit ago, muttered something about him and his bad decisions.

“Right foot yellow.” Wes informed innocently from the safety of the losers seats, watching as Sam and Paulina tried to break each others spines without falling over.

~

They had a crowd for this lunacy. Wes, so safe and cozy from the chair, was busy imortalizing the event with pictures. Even Ishiyama was openly unamused about her humiliation, trapped under Jack’s massive rear, desperately trying not to get squished by his leg curing back underneath..

Sam didn’t have very appropriate thoughts about the way Paulina was twisted around her, and she really wasn’t trying to be crass about it but god if she could do this in twister then professional level gymnast routines would be a joke for her.

“I think you should like, get tested for joint issues. Before you maybe fuck them up permanently.”

“Suck it, Manson!”

Dash gave an extremely pleased look as the spinner stopped spinning, having taken the damn thing from Wes.

… No.

“Left”

No.

“Hand”

No!!!

“Blue.”

Wes coughed from laughter as all four of them started screaming.

First Ishiyama fell. There was nothing near her that didn’t tangle her worse in Jack’s leg than she already was.

But then Jack, who had to contort into the bridge position just to make it to a blue circle, got a short stocky principal to the leg.

The carnage was immense. You couldn’t see Ishiyama’s head underneath Jack’s ass.

But then, Sam.

Second place wasn’t too bad, she decided as her wrist gave. It just couldn’t do it anymore.

And Paulina, tangled around Sam like she was, came down with her.

Yeowch…

The whole gym cheered, reveling in the chaos.

Paulina stared at the ceiling from beside Sam, expression unintelligable.

“I’m done.” Was all she said, unmoving.

Which, fucking same.

Wes laughed even harder, taking photos of Jack rolling off Ishiyama.

“You can’t stop us from leaving, anymore, Ishiyama. This was it. Nothing can keep me here anymore.” Sam declared, doing her best to detangle from Paulina’s limbs.

“I, too, yield. It was fun while it lasted.” Ishiyama wheezed.

“No. It wasn’t.”

“I think I should go check on Mads and the kids.” Jack decided, not moving from his side despite the declaration.

Wes was still too buy laughing as Sam did a four legged crawl off the twister board.

“You need a ride, kiddo?” Jack offered, still unmoving.

“Absolutely not.”

“I do.” Paulina decided.

But Sam was already heading for the door, trying to erase the whole night from her memories.

Tucker would never let this die once the news broke. Which meant she’d have to kill him even harder than before.

Still, that was a job for tomorrow. Right now? She sword to herself the entire school would burn before she could be coaxed into another charity game night.

[nomsfaultau]

Daily ask №29!

Murder edition!

I was bored so here's my attempts at figuring out the fastest and easiest way to murder or disable the fault crew. And you can give me the chances of that actually working and what would your best bet be at killing them?

1. The first one is Phil cause he's the easiest one. I'm just gonna show him the fic and your shitposts and have him turn into words. Also I specifically do that in some isolated (as in no cracks and only one entrance) barn or something like that. And I also put some pine needles in the room and light them on fire. You'll see why.

2. The second problem would be Tubbo since they would absolutely already know about me turning Phil to words. Luckily they're a pacifist. I'm not sure how far that pacifism goes exactly, but if I pretend that I turned Phil to words on accident, I'd probably get at least some time. I pretend that it was an accident and run to Tubbo like omg what happened help. And lead them to the barn. In the barn, the pine needles already produced a shit ton of smoke. So I then go ahead and say that Phil is in there and then close the door behind Tubbo, and then light the barn on fire. Even if some bees do escape, the main body would be gone.

3. Wilbur. I do not remember how his connection to the void works exactly, but I also haven't said that I have to keep the world from being destroyed so I'd just probably give the void access to the real world. Which would probably destroy both worlds, actually. I wonder if that counts as killing the whole fault crew or not.

4. Tommy. I shoot him. Like, he's not that dangerous. Not really. I don't gotta touch him to kill him. Or, ideally, I shoot him with the neutralising dart and use him to defeat the Blade.

5. The Blade. Sigh. My only ideas on how to kill him include just not being seen. At all. So that he doesn't even know who's doing the thing. You can't fight someone if there's noone to fight or challenge. The plan is to kidnap Tommy and get him into some metal container on the bottom of the ocean. And then cause him to summon The Blade in one way or another. (Ex. Drug him with some bad mix of drugs causing great distress and fear, insert speakers into the metal box, potentially actually have someone lethal there with him.). The Blade would most likely just tear the walls of the container apart. That would be a mistake. Did you know that some boars can hold their breath up to 20 seconds? Yeah that ain't nearly long enough so technically he'd just doom both himself and Tommy. And also infect the ocean with the red so that's fun.

I enjoyed thinking and strategizing about this more than I thought I would. Concerning.

Had a great time with this one, an invited a special guest to add his insight.

1.Ah trying to safeguard against Tubbo I see. However, while I rag on Philza, I think just handing him a blog would not have the concrete proof enough to believe his entire existence isn’t real. He’s the most mentally stable of the group, and much like when someone is confronted with a conspiracy theorist talking about how reality is an illusion and we live in a simulation, Phil would just roll his eyes and move on with his day. The fic would un-nerve him a bit…but this is a world with anomalies. There’s a thousand possible explanations for someone with partial omniscient (say, Tubbo), and though I think the chapters from his perspective would very much creep him out, Philza is DEFINITELY not making that far into the fic before he sets it down and goes to figure out if Tommy is okay. He might not entirely believe the fic reflects real experiences and thoughts, but he will investigate it, and then will be way too busy dad-moding to die. 

What I would try: I think the fastest way to kill Philza is to grab one Wilbur and Redify it, as seen in Fault Whumptober prompt 5. Philza physically can’t fight back, and ultimately is assuming even if he dies he’ll reform in a few minutes. Only, Wilbur can devour conceptual souls and gain power, so chomp chomp lizard boi! 

Problems: Philza just simply leaving, waiting for the Red to wear off, though he may be trying to protect the others. Bathe everything in godflame and scooping up wilbur in dragon mode and just leave, not minding that his hand is getting eaten. When mentally stable he usually needs time to become a dragon though, so that might not work. 

What my partner would try: Amnestics! Force him to forget his beef with the Foundation, then introduce him to a new Foundation Approved™ family. Then one week systematically have all important people in his life leave/say they hate him in rapid succession until he takes so much emotional damage that pure angst murders him, since he takes psychic damage literally. Okay on second thought you pump Phil full of amnestics to erase all of human history to revert him back to a non-person. Like he went insane after only 15-25 years erased but im suuuure you can do it. In 5 year increments. Okay maybe just have him snort Ranboo like cocaine. The Foundation is sure to nail it this time. Then kill him and have the Dovahkiin absorb his soul (me: how do you kill dragon or true form Phil) don’t worrryyy bout it.

2.Assuming step 1 worked….hell no they don’t believe it was an accident. Tubbo could’ve been reading over Phil’s shoulder and knows that what you gave him melted that sucker’s brain, even on accident, so there is absolutely zero trust. None whatsoever. But they aren’t going to attack you about it; actually they will give you a bee high five for killing Phil, even if they disprove of the whole murder thing. They would also see the smoke that you made in the barn, or try to go in and fall asleep so know that way that it’s super duper a trap. Especially since they’d have no reason to go to Phil, since there’s like not a lot that can be done for a pile of words. Tubbo just flies up like 6 feet to stand over your head and give a whole spiel about murder bad. 

What I would try: Pesticide BABYYYYYYY. Specifically consumable, since things that are consumed are shared with the rest of the Hive. I think the first time a trick would work but past that they’d be hella cautious. But enough constant exposure could really strip down the population. As numbers dwindled they’d get more concentrated at the body since they need a set amount of bees to carry it, and just carpet bombing the area with pesticide and smoke bombs would…still likely not kill all of Tubbo, especially since they’d know it was coming and could prepare/try to escape. Even The Blood God couldn’t manage to kill Tubbo. But with luck you could maybe kill the queens? But then they’d raise new ones…arg. Tubbo is invincible. 

What my partner would try: Use a lot of bullets. There is definitely no other better than using a full army armed with muskets. It's the best strategy every I have no idea what you're talking about. Alternatively smoke one (1) cigarette in the general vicinity. Or acme brand dynamite?

3…How are you giving the void access to the real world? Like that would definitely count as killing all the Fault guys don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know how you would do that. Bringing real world objects wouldn’t necessarily give access, just make you a target. My best sketch of how the void gets to devour the real world is by first devouring all of Fault so that nothing stands between. Potentially a hole could be ripped in Fault to the world beyond, you shove Wilbur out it, then make peace with your short life? But I don’t know how a human could make that hole in the first place. If you have an idea feel free to shoot that in the comments, because it would be very very effective. Still I think it would be easier to walk up to me in real life and just…shoot me. Here’s a hint to help you on this quest: something published in Fault doxxed me. Gooood luck! 

What I would try: Midday. Unexpected flashbang. Wilbur goes into a trauma response, meanwhile flood the area with helicopters with spotlights, the kind banned for causing permanent eye damage. Catch him from every angle, then get him with a high voltage taser. You’ll want a lot of people armed with this, because at this point Wilbur’s going to be going crazy with the cannibalism. In the few seconds while the entire void is screaming in agony (wherein most people in the radius experience things like instantly going mad, ear drums/skulls bursting) it won’t be able to fight back and Wilbur won’t be in enough sense to devour the bombs being dropped. 

Problems: Wilbur noticing the helicopters coming and booking it. The void eating the flashbang. Eldritch voice being employed quickly enough to prevent tasers (it’s not extreme when not in agony, but still has some potential to keep distance). Wilbur eating a hole through the ground in order to escape light/attacks, at which point the darkness will be enough for the void to fully retaliate. Wilbur tends to get extremely dangerous when cornered and not holding back, though that could potentially be mitigated by having friends in the area it doesn’t want as collateral damage? Potentially Tommy since otherwise you now are fighting two+ overpowered anomalies. But past a certain point he would be far too pained/scared and even that wouldn’t dampen retaliation. 

What my partner would try: Flashbangs. Or to stop him from attacking, throw tommy at him (no! Then it’ll get Red’d and cause more problem!) Solution: get someone weak to throw Tommy. Or use a lightning bolt for extra traumatic damage. To do so, ally with Thor the god of Thunder, who is sure to help you on your brave quest. Or wait for him to sleep and use a sledge hammer (me: he has insomnia dude) yeah but he has to sleep eventually! Eventually… 

4.Yeah just shoot that man lmao. In his own words:

“Well, no, obviously, like I’m pretty sure a bullet through the head would be a greater weakness. Or like if you blew me up or something. Boom. No more Tommy.” He made exploding gestures with his hands. He figured it would take a fast death to get rid of him, but the Foundation had always preferred slow ones. The crimson was sunk to his elbows and racing up his biceps. “Who’d have guessed a nuclear bomb would’ve taken care of him? Shocker.”

Of course, I would argue that Tommy could be extremely dangerous if he chose to be, but he’s mostly contact based. Well. Unless he starts coating bullets in Red and fighting armies so thick even he can’t miss…anyway like he’s killed more than The Blade at the very least, so, 

What my partner would try: Kill him with a tommy gun

5.Well the not being seen thing won’t work since The Blood God is physically drawn to challengers and battle luck can affect people halfway across the globe if they decided to beef with The Blade through indirect means. So you would hella not survive, but that doesn’t exclude his death as well. I think the ocean thing would deffo work and be very apt considering the ‘sea of voices’. Now I will say, Tommy is extremely used to being tortured, and anything nonlethal with minimal long term damage you can think of the Foundation has done. And, crucially, Tommy values his friend’s happiness over his own wellbeing and has been suicidal in the past. Basically the perfect recipe for a martyr. There’s a good chance he’ll kill himself just to ensure you can’t hurt The Blade. Past that…I mean I know Philza doesn’t change forms in doors, but I don’t know if that’s sense or because magically one can’t create a form where there isn’t physical space? Not something I ever considered. Potentially The Blade could be sliced in half just by trying to be summoned into a too small space, but I figure that would also be something the Foundation tested? Idk man. But assuming he can be summoned, either due to space or suicidal prevention, The Blade would drown. 

What I would try: First, do it when he’s hibernating post large battle, since while The Blood God will destroy people via twisting the universe while asleep, it does limit reaction on his end. Second, a challenger has to be alive for The Blood God's battle luck to be in play. So a suicide bomber could definitely take him. Or a score of them. One of the worst injuries The Blade receives is actually from shrapnel that occurs the second after a battle ends when The Blood God can’t use supernatural luck to avoid it. AI drones could also potentially do a lot of damage, though remote control won’t work at all. Or, get an enemy that’s undead! That one comes up much later :)

Or wait. Potentially has already come up. HOLY HELL DOES TUBBO COUNT AS AN UNDEAD CONSTRUCT- I think Tubbo has double defense against The Blood God omg..

What my partner would try: I think the moment Tommy wakes up in a metal box, even without the claustrophobia, would be bad. You don’t need the drugs. He’s already panicking. (I reminded him of the torture thing and he changed his mind) Actually Tommy has already been in a small metal box for a long time. Just put Jeff the killer in there with him. And watch him say his iconic line ‘im going to jeff the kill you’ 

As for The Blade, all you need is Loony Tunes level unrealistic focus fire from comically large automated weapons. Like the comically large gun from Despicable Me, or an entire wall of machine guns. Oh! I know! Go back in time to when he was a normal pig before he became vessel for The Blood God and kill him then. Also go back in time before the concepts of anger and fire existed, be the first to create those, and then have tiny Philza in your hand and crush. EZ.