#uhhh this got a bit long but just a bit of a discussion i guess

[toytulini]

lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny

[mobblespsycho100]

tell me about your oc i need to absorb all the knowledge

WAUGAHH yayy yay thank u okay so

Surja Maharaja (not his real name. btw. he named himself "Sun Great King" rough translation lmaoo) is a wandering merchant (*cough* scammer *cough*) who is currently in Melini because he's heard that the rising golden kingdom is full of economic opportunities,,, has a low unemployment rate, and is generally very prosperous and ruled by a passionate king who loves food... and how Melini is mysteriously protected from monsters coming into the border ...

And he decides to research everything he can about the court and introduces himself to the King Of Melini™ as a foreign dignitary from a port city south of the eastern continent (sooo around the eastern archipelago i guess?? map for reference...)

Anyway, he proposes a diplomatic arrangement where the port city's government would help with export of marine goods as well as open up restaurant chains !!! that serve monster food, so . monster food golden opportunity high long term investment business!!! and Laios is ecstatic !

Kabru is not. Lmao. Kabru is instantly suspicious of this "charismatic" "mysterious" "foreign dignitary" that just strolled into the castle ... but he's gotta confirm his suspicions first . So he decides to not tell Laios that he distrusts this guy and decided to uhhh stalk him a bit

anyway Laios lets Surja stay in the castle because like yay alliances diplomacy !! yayy monster food !!! (like ... Laios cant rlly eat monster anymore but ... spreading monster cuisine to other continents??? spreading the joy of food??? hes all in baby!!!) and Surja quickly befriends basically everyone or at least everyone whos currently there (like senshi is visiting but chilchuck is like sometimes there sometimes not cuz like lol he got a shop to run!!!) and Izutsumi is currently there too. Anyway. yea Surja's rlly friendly n stuff ^_^ and it only makes Kabru even more suspicious as to what exactly this guy is hiding

Anyway, more under the cut cuz it might get wayyy too longv amdhskhdjs

Kabru decides the best course of action is to interrogate Surja directly after a few days (maybe the 6th day ? Surja stay in the castle? but Kabru's been watching him and asking the royal guards to keep an eye on him too) ok anyway Kabru invites him to his office (idk if he has one of those but like . whatever. his work quarters .) (they're like on a break btw . ig . so laios is like chilling and not sitting on the throne rn hes just taking a walk with falin and marcille or smth) right anyway Kabru mr. Nice Guy Kabru is like "ok we need to discuss something ... "dignitary"" and Surja is like ooo-kay?

Btw i havent mentioned but even b4 this , Surja kind of has a crush on Kabru already (hes infatuated... hes obsessed... down bad down horrendous and he hasnt even talked with Kabru all that much) so hes like the nervouser (lol. silly) hehe haha... anyway

Kabru tells him to state his true intentions with the king. Surja goes, "huh? what do you mean Sir? I'm just here to propose a trade alliance and business vent--"

Kabru goes, "cut the pleasantries. I've investigated you over the course of these few days and I've sent a letter to the magistrate of the city you claim to represent, and they don't even have you listed as a citizen in their records."

Surja (sweating)

Kabru continues with a simple yet genuine threat, "you do know lying to the king is an offense punishable by death, right?"

Suddenly what Surja thought was going to be a lil diplomatic discussion regarding how the proposal he's drafting up going is ... an interrogation. An uncomfortable confessional where Kabru holds the reins and is playing 5d chess mind games. And Surja takes it as a challenge... and tries to defend himself with the classic diversion of, "I don't know what you're talking about!! Why would I lie about such a thing!!! You must be mistaken!! ahahaha aha

ha.

ha."

Kabru who is unimpressed by the sweaty conman's terrible lying skills starts pushing more on the subject. "How could you lie to the king? what are your plans? I think I know your scheme is to steal from us and our kingdom's treasury, but what else are you hiding? Are you a wanted criminal? A stowaway? " and Surja slams the desk a bit . like "OKAY! OKAY ! I! I did runaway but I've been travelling for ages!!! and I just thought this place sounded amazing !!! this kingdom is a rising one and yet it's already found its foundation and already has a powerful magical defense!!! "

and then Kabru goes... as a test (he doesn't actually believe it) , he asks . if Surja isn't actually human. Maybe he's a monster, a shapeshifter of sorts... a walking corpse perhaps? One that's trying to take refuge in Melini and doesn't even realize that it isn't a real human being... just a monster wearing human skin.

And Surja has a mental breakdown (yay here's the toxic in the toxic yaoii!!!)

Surja on the defensive and Kabru on the offensive, Surja decides to try and bite the bullet and confess that yes hes been lying, yes hes kind of a scammer vagabond, yes okay yes . and then he tries to get some sympathy by spilling his tragic backstory and it catches Kabru off guard

Kabru just wanted to exile or imprison or execute this guy who could have ill intent (and is obviously lying abt a lpt of things) . but when Surja revealed that hes kind of like..

okay. lemme paste this thing I typed . Surjas #traumatic backstory

Just imagine ghis is Surja telling everything to Kabru . so quotation marks . yea this is him Speaking

In the beginning, there was a land shrouded in darkness. And then, there came light.

Where I'm from, what you all called the "dungeon" was the corpse of a dead god, the land we stood upon as well. The dungeon was a temple in my people's eyes... And what you call the "Demon", well. He was our Light. The god that my people worshipped. It's... pathetic, isn't it? We didn't know. We... we couldn't have known.

When I was born... I. I was loved, I think. However I... was never a child. My older brother, he. he had this ailment. He couldn't speak, and he acted like he was possessed by a spirit of sorts, at least, that was my mother's theory. I always thought that he was just different.

I was their light, in a way. I could speak, smile, in an eloquent way as other humans do. They loved me, they did. But I was a sickly child... my brother, physically stronger, mentally weaker, and I? I was their light. The saviour of their reputation.

And that's why... as I grew up I realized that . The ones who took care of me, only saw me as a chalice. And whenever I did something that was... not... in line with their perception of me, they saw a monster.

It was so easy. Claim that I was possessed, sacrifice me, the brighter one, to their god, and their beloved children could be cured of their respective ... deformities.

Ha... well. That's what happened. The demon could grant any wish right? My mo- ... my.... caretaker. Took me to the dungeon one day and said, "Let my child have her dreams come true... in return, give us your blessing of wealth and prosperity! Bring us honor, bring us glory..."

That's why... I'm like this now. I guess I'm a half-beast (you lot call that beast-man here?), a monster (I was always a monster. I think.) I... You're right. I'm not human. I'm just... a walking corpse... a shell of a man...

Now all I have left is my desire for money... and my elder brother... I haven't seen him for ... 15 years now.

so yea he had an awful time . and was effected negatively by a dungeon. Kabru stops. hesitates a bit. Shares a bit about himself and Utaya . to ease Surja from the mental breakdown (it works and Surja bounces back quickly. Surja age reveals that hes not even 20 yet (Surja is 18-19) and that makes Kabru feels like a bully a bit n he feels a bit bad n tried to like apologize and stuff even tho this conman is conmanning (hes not lying abt his age!! just hiding a lot of stuff still!!!) ) ANYWAYYYY like they part ways from tha office (also at some point in the middle a guard came in to try and ask smth from Kabru and the guard nervously asks "is like smth goin on here rn?" and Kabrus like "no its fine" while Surjas like "yea smth goin on rn" anyway the guard just wanted to ask for some instruction so Kabrus just like oh ok just ask Marcille its fine and guy goes on his way)

anyway yeah Kabrus like kinda stressed lookin so Surja goes "hey do u need like some stress relief" n boldly goes up to him anddddd gives him a shoulder massage (Surja flexing his 4 years pro masseur skills) and Kabrus like oh . ojh. uh . okay (is conflicted and doesnt fully trust this man but is now a bit more relaxed and less tense and stuff. unclenched his jaw and shit lolll)

anyway they part ways after this but this is just the beginning of insane toxic co worker yaoi because like uhhh lil bit of a timeskip but Surja becomes like the treasurer... or like secretary assistant in Melini or like . tha economy guy consultanter yippeeee #working in melini

also Surja's a catboy i havent mentioned that yet

kinda hit it off with Izutsumi and Senshi cuz of it yah

A LOT OF THIS IS SELF INDULGENT AND WISH FULFILLMENT BUT I THINK. POST CANON OC . IS FUN . also Labru is canon in this AU theyre basically like married . its set a year after the like last chap of dungeon meshi btw so Kabrus 23 Laios 26 (almost 27 not november yet basically) . etc etc. ANYWHO this is super long already but ty for indulging me and asking abt my oc yaaaay :333 this is a toxic yaoi tragicomedy. this guy is like if Mickbell and Izutsumi got mixed into soup . and was obsessed with Kabrus whole thing 😭😭 its so funny to me theyre funny (doomed by the narrative toxic codependent workplace yaoi)

[the1975attheirverybest]

Me & You Together- Chapter 3

A/N: Proofread but I'm sleepy. excuse any typos.

Warnings: language, small mentions of drinking.

"Wouldn't it be easier just to tell her?" Adam's sympathic voice whispered in Matty's direction as he set his drink down, resting his elbow on the table.

"Yeah, I mean, it's gettin' a bit hard to watch, mate." George chimed in.

"hmm?" Matty, whose eyes were fixed on the scene in front of him, hadn't heard a word. He took a sip from his drink to wet his lips. "What are you two on about?"

George leaned in closer, to make sure their discussion remained private at this public venue. "You and Penelope, man. How long have you been in love with her?"

"We think you should just tell her." Ross added, Adam nodding next to him.

Matty scuffed in disapproval, "pfft, that's preposterous! I'm not 'in love with her.'" He finally tore his eyes away from her and took a large gulp from his glass, staring at his own reflection in the drink to avoid meeting his friends' pitying stares.

"What'd I miss?" Jamie pulled a seat and sat in the middle of the table, with two of the boys on either side. "Has Matty finally stopped trying to kill that guy Penelope's talking to with his eyes?"

"I-I'm NOT in love with her!" Matty attempted to laugh off their remarks, but he sounded more nervous than humorous.

"Oh, yeah?" George interjected, "then why have you been following her with your eyes since we got here? You haven't even made any complaints about how much you hate award shows, or made fun of the record label guys in their suits and ties yet."

"You asked her to be your date tonight." Adam reminded him.

"Yeah, thought it'd be fun to hang out. All of us, I mean." Matty was now on the defensive, "Besides, I'm not watching her. The guy she's talking to is a twat, is all. Hate that guy!"

"Isn't he a major talent rep?" Ross asked Jamie, who nodded, confirming Ross's guess. "Could be good for her career, if he signs her."

"Well...He's still a twat. In his - his fuckin' skinny tie." Matty spoke through gritted teeth, looking back at Penelope and the twat. He stood up, finishing his drink. " Insane- you lot. 'M not in love with her. And I'm gettin' a refill. Be right back."

Matty found a server with a tray to leave his empty glass with and headed straight for Penelope. "There's my date!" He called out as he approached her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

She turned to face him, somewhat startled by his sudden appearance. "Oh, sorry, did I miss your category being called?"

"What? Oh, no. Show hasn't even started yet." He squeezed her closer, so they were now hip to hip. "I'm Matty, by the way." He extended a hand to the man in front of him.

"Jason....you're The 1975, right?"

Of course his name is Jason, Matty thought, but luckily bit his tongue. "Pleasure to meet you." He turned back to Penelope, "well, you must be thirsty after all this- mingling. Shall we get you a drink? excuse us, Jason."

"What's the matter with you?" Penelope asked, giggling slightly, as soon as they were no longer within Jason's earshot.

"What? Oh, that...nothin.' Just savin' you from the boring conversation. You looked miserable."

Penelope said nothing, only giving him a knowing look.

"What?" Matty shrugged. "Let's get you that drink."

The boys gave him teasing looks as he passed by their table on the way to the bar. Matty simply flipped them off with his finger.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing. Just messin' about with my boys."

***

"Yo, you coming, Matty?" George called out to Matty as the guys piled into their designated car, trophy in hand, after the show.

Matty turned to look at Penelope, then back at the car. "uhhh...Where are we going again?"

"Afterparty." George stated matter-of-factly.

"No, I mean, who's hosting?"

George made a "your guess is as good as mine" face.

"George heard about there being some cool gear, and said 'I'll be there.' Not sure if we even have the right address." Ross laughed.

Matty turned to Penelope, "what do you say we ditch this thing? Go somewhere else? I mean, unless you really wanna go to this afterparty. We could just jump in the car, if-"

"w-where would we even go?"

"I know a place." then turning back to George "You guys go. We'll catch up."

***

"Thanks, mate." Matty dropped the change into the vendor's tip cup and handed Penelope one of the hot dogs he'd purchased.

"This is the 'place' you know?" She laughed, biting into her hot dog.

"Just wait until you see our next stop." He gave her a mischievous wink.

"Are we gonna wrestle a bunch of subway rats for a slice of pizza?"

Matty laughed heartily. "Well, when in New York..."

***

"You're insane!" Penelope exclaimed when Matty picked a pair of counterfeit Gucci sneakers from the display that the definitely-unauthorized seller was advertising on the sidewalk.

"Well, do they fit you?"

"Y-yeah." It suddenly clicked, in her mind, that halfway through the award show, she'd complained that she was getting hungry and that her heels were killing her feet. "But, I didn't bring my wallet, and-"

"I got it." Matty took out some cash from his pocket. "Thanks, sir. C'mon. Put them on!" He offered her his shoulder to steady herself as she slipped into her new shoes, and carried her heels.

"Thank you- Matty, really."

"Well, don't ever say I don't spoil you. Bought you Cucci no less."

Penelope laughed harder than the joke called for. His head whipped around, instantly charmed by her sing-song laugh. He wanted to tell her that she was the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever seen.

"Well, you better not be expecting any sex after this shopping spree." She patted his shoulder. "I'm exhaustedddd." She groaned.

"I'm a gentleman. No strings attached."

***

They snuck into a small local playground and found a park bench to sit on. Looking up at the night sky, at this late hour, New York was uncharacteristically quiet, some of the stars even slightly visible in the dark. Matty softly hummed the tune of a song he'd had stuck in his head, though he couldn't, for the life of him, remember what it was from.

His light, melodic voice seemed to lull her to sleep. She rested her head on his shoulder and sunk in her seat.

"Oi! Have you fallen asleep?" Matty nudged her lightly after a few minutes.

She giggled, sitting up straight and looking up at him, blinking rapidly. "Mmmm...maybe?"

"You're wiped. C'mon, let's get you home."

He stood up, holding her discarded heels in one hand, and offering her the other.

They spent train ride back to her apartment gossiping about celebrities they'd run into at the award ceremony, and swapping stories about people they interacted with. In the hallway of her building, their slaphappy, tired giggles were loud.

"shusssshhh, you're gonna wake the neighbors!" Matty hushed her uncontrollable laughing.

"right, right....ummm." She cleared her throat, a sudden serious look on her face.

Matty's brain rushed with fragmented thoughts. He didn't want this night to end. He wanted an excuse to remain with her, but they'd already decided no shagging would take place tonight, so the usual reason wasn't an option. Could he do anything? same something to start a debate or discussion? invite himself to crash on her couch?

"Matty?" Her voice brought him back to his body.

"Hmmm?"

"My heels?"

"Ah! yes, right."

He handed her the shoes back and he swore her hand had lingered on purpose.

"Thanks...for...umm, everything. Oh! And congrats! On tonight." She smiled through droopy eyes.

"Oh, yeah. Right." He fiddled with the cuff of his shirt nervously.

Matty counted to three in his head, and when her eyes didn't look away from his, he leaned in and kissed her.

For a one brief, heavenly moment, she gave in. Letting him press her against the apartment door and allowing his tongue to slip past her lips. But when their breathing got heavier, her sense of reason kicked in, and her guards were up. She placed a hand on his chest, pushing him gentle.

"M-Matty, no. We-"

"N-no, I know. No sex. Just a kiss goodnight?"

"That's- not what I meant. No kissing, Matty. We can't go through that again."

"B-but, that- that was years ago! It's different now-"

"Matty! Goodnight."

He heard her keys turn in the lock, the door clicked open, and she was gone. Leaving him alone in the hallway. He lean against the now closed door, sliding to the floor. fuckkkk. He sighed loudly, running his fingers through his hair.

[hopedefined]

Name: Anna Marie "Rogue" Lebeau

Nickname(s): does 'anna' technically count as a nickname discuss

Relationship Status: polyamorous, married to two primary partners

Gender: cis woman

Romantic Orientation: bisexual & biromantic

Preferred Pet Names: lover, darlin', sugar, baby

Opinion on True Love: spent too long pushin' it away an' now I'll fight for every moment we've got left

Opinion on Love at First Sight: look, she likes to think she was always too practical to believe in it outside of storybooks. however. it must be love is one of the first things remy ever said to her and if someone has ever made her believe, it's him

How ‘Romantic’ Are They?: I don't think it's any secret that she's a romantic at heart. full romantic, oil-painted covers and hallmark movies and all. I love you at the drop of a hat, pet names, just because kind of romantic. anna marie spent a long time pushing that down as something she would only ever experience through fiction, and reaching a point where she's able to express it is something she'll never take for granted.

Ideal Physical Traits: strong, longer hair, great ass

Ideal Personality Traits: quick-witted, affectionate, loyal, funny, adventurous

Unattractive Physical Traits: lack of hygiene, I guess? not a huge fan of scales. uhhh.

Unattractive Personality Traits: selfish, immoral, boring, wishy-washy

Ideal Date: if we're talking a go out and kinda date? dancing, racing, horseback riding--a shared experience that can get a little bit of adrenaline up. she's also a sucker for simple, sweet things like picnics and lazy movie nights.

Do They Have a Type?: canonically--

Average Relationship Length: the major ones were complicated and on-and-off-again enough that it really depends on how you count. even if she'd had the chance, though, she's never been the type for one night stands or quick flings with strangers. don't get me wrong, she's a flirt. but she doesn't do intimacy halfway.

Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: casual touch (wouldn't you glut yourself on it, after everything?). domesticity--the amount this woman treasures being able to wake up and brush her teeth and feed the cats and have to go to home depot for light bulbs with her partners is insane. conversation. getting better at communication has been a journey for anna, but it means so much to her when she trusts in it.

Commitment Level: high. if she cares about you, it's deep and constant even if she is sometimes too willing to believe that that love and trust was misplaced.

Opinion of Public Affection: in almost all circumstances if anna marie had her way she and her partners would be the living embodiment of the IS THIS ALLOWED vine. luckily she does in fact care about not setting a bad example for students and can be convinced to give a shit about the innocent eyes of other onlookers. mostly.

Past Relationships?: almost entirely might-have-beens. cody, wade, robert...magneto is arguably the most serious relationship she had pre-settling down™️

tagged by: @thwipsthrown tagging: @backwaterscum @asoulofstars @ficklefables @amischiefofmuses

[strayslost]

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR MOOTS BETTER !

Fill out the info sheet below & tag your friends to do the same ! Repost , don’t reblog !

🌊 🐇

Name / Pen-name : Meri!

Pronouns : She/her (okay with they/them too!)

Country / Region : England.

Timezone : GMT

Age / Age group : 25, as of this month!

Favourite colours : Pink, turquoise/teal, yellow, cream & brown, and maybe green too???

Favourite foods : How can you expect me to choose!! if I listed them all I'd be here all day ;~; I suppose a couple are cheesecake, custard (and sweets/cakes generally tbh), spaghetti bolognese, salmon... I've gone too braindead to think of more, sorry :')

Non - RP Hobbies ? : Watching/reading anime, manga and visual novels (when I've got the executive function for it), music, video games, decoration/design, and working on my own stories/songs! I'd love to stream someday, but I'm a bit too nervous to start atm, haha. Same with blogging about some of the things that are important to me - I'd love to do more in that regard, but I'm not really sure where to start.

Favourite animal : BUNNIES and sea creatures in general!! In particular, octopi, sea otters and sea turtles have my whole heart <33

Any allergies ? : I actually have had an allergic reaction to something like. once in my life, but unfortunately I have no idea what it was to, otl ;w; so uhhh. I guess my answer is a "not really"??

Favourite Season : Ooooh, I can't choose. Aesthetically, maybe summer or winter, with autumn close behind. In practice, I'm terrible with temperatures that are too hot or too cold, though!

Scents you like : Vanilla and coffee! Though my sense of smell is pretty bad generally, I'd say these are my favorites.

Coffee / tea / hot cocoa : Tea (with a bit of sugar!). Hot cocoa can be great too, and I don't like the taste of coffee, but I do benefit from the effects of caffeine, so I tend to drink lattes instead.

How long have you been in your current fandom ? : for BSD, it's only been about a year! Actually, I'm pretty sure I got into the series sometime around December 2022, since that's when I first made my Chuuya blog?? It's pretty quickly risen to the spot of my favourite piece of media ever though, at least currently, so congrats to BSD are in order, I think!

Do you prefer to ‘ wing ’ your threads or discuss plots with your partner during or ahead of time ? : I enjoy both! I think my favourite thing to do is to have or discuss a general idea for the starter/thread, for example like... "my muse is time traveling from the future to meet yours", or "my muse discovers a secret yours is hiding," so like basic plotting, and then just seeing where things go from there. But I absolutely enjoy winging it too/just seeing what happens, and I love just as much when my partners have something they particularly want to explore and let me know, so I'm pretty flexible in that regard, I think! (aka send me your wishlists >:) )

Are you okay with getting to know your RP partners outside of writing / becoming good online friends or even offline friends ? : 100000%, honestly I would love this so much! But full warning in advance, I am... very bad at being active and replying to messages quickly in general, otl. I don't have many friends irl as a result of this, even though I really would really like to make more... unfortunately my functioning issues in most areas of my life are pretty bad and this extends to maintaining conversations too. HOWEVER, you're absolutely always welcome to message me whenever you'd like, even if I haven't replied to your last message yet! I find that this can help prompt me to reply to my old messages as well, and I can promise you that my slow replies are absolutely not an indication that I don't want to talk with you or of how I feel about you - I'm just very awkward and find socializing hard, but that doesn't stop me from really enjoying talking with you nonetheless!! (This applies to my RP reply speeds too, tbh) There's way more I could say on this but I might make it it's own post tbh, this section is already getting too long. tl;dr i love you all, let's be friends!! <33

Finally , what are your favourite genres of RP ?: I'm not so good at defining genres, so instead I'll say - I love angst and conflict between characters but also resolving conflicts too, seeing characters get to know and relate to each other better... I'm a big fan of threads with supernatural elements, in particular those that are shocking to the characters, and of secrets being revealed generally too! Exploring character's insecurities and beliefs and having them change their perspective is great as well... basically, I'd say I enjoy "meaty" threads with lots of emotions or action over like slice-of-life, casual interactions, but even those can be fun if they're well done, honestly!

Tagged by : @chaosbled ( thank you so much!!! ;w;)

Tagging : I haven't been logged in enough to know who's done this already if I'm honest so I'm just gonna say anyone who wants to and hasn't done it yet - say I tagged you! <3

[twilightmalachite]

Hermitage - Tuesday 2

Author: Nishioka Maiko (with Akira)

Characters: Mika, Shu

Translator: Mika Enstars

"…What’s this absent-mindedness? We’re in the middle of practice, mind you."

Season: Winter

Location: Dance Room

Shu: —So, that’s why I thought to make the movement here a little more harsh here. What are your thoughts, Kagehira?

Mika: …

Shu: ? Kagehira?

Mika: …

Shu: Kagehira. Are you listening?

Mika: Eh?! W-What? Oshi-san?

Shu: …What’s this absent-mindedness? We’re in the middle of practice, mind you.

Actually, you’ve been out of it all day today. Do I need to remind you that we are in the middle of vital training? Get a hold of yourself.

Mika: Nnah~, sorry, Oshi-san.

Shu: ? You’re acting awfully strange today. Did something happen?

Mika: Nn~…Not really, no.

Although, I did had a weird dream of sorts, so maybe I didn’t sleep too well…

Shu: So that's all? Goodness… You have horrid self-management.

Mika: Ehh~? I can’t stop myself from dreaming, though? I think I’m able to manage any problems.

Shu: If you neglect your body, it will cause strange dreams like that.

Well, no need to worry about it now. As long as it doesn't affect dance practice. You know this already, Kagehira.

Mika: Yes, I’ll take care~!

Shu: Let us begin, then.

Time passes…

Mika: ♪~ ♪~

Shu: ……!

Kagehira, stop for a moment.

Mika: …Huh? Uhhh. Did I mess up somewhere, Oshi-san? I didn't think I’ve messed up yet, or have I?

Shu: No, not at all. Rather, I’d like you to dance on your own, Kagehira.

Mika: ? Sure, I guess… Umm—

♪~ ♪~

Shu: (There’s no mistaking it. His precision has gone up since yesterday…!)

(Isn’t this quite a lot of visible change for just one day, though…? Perhaps he was able to recall the old days and quickly got the hang of it.)

Kagehira. Your precision has improved since yesterday’s practice. In all honesty, I expected you to still be making mistakes just a day later. Just what approach did you take to achieve this?

Mika: Eh? Fer real?! I’m so glad…♪

But, it’s not like I did anythin’ special. I did practice on my own, though. Nothin’ more, truly!

Shu: Hm… Well, that’s good. If it means your quality rises, then it’s better than doing nothing. You were able to grasp something through practicing on your own.

Do it one more time, so you do not forget this sensation.

Time passes…

Mika: ♪~ ♪~

Shu: ♪~

—Alright. Kagehira, let’s end here for the day. Now that your precision has improved, tomorrow we discuss outfits next—

Mika: Hey, Oshi-san. Can I request somethin’?

Shu: What is it? You seem serious.

Mika: D’you think you could give me some more time with this?

Shu: You want more time?

Mika: It’s not that I don't wanna work out the outfits, but I wanna have another dance practice tomorrow.

I was jus’ thinking, if I was able to improve my precision in jus’ one day, if I’m on a roll or somethin’, I’m wonderin’ if I can get even better with a bit more time…

Shu: Hm… Well, if you wish to improve yourself further, it is welcome news to me. I personally am also concerned about how the new song will turn out.

I approve. Tomorrow, we shall spend more time on dance practice.

Mika: Thank ya kindly! Tomorrow, I’ll show you even more precision than today. I’ll knock ya off your feet, Oshi-san~! ♪

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[circlique]

Avatar DND session 27

Wow, we only have three sessions left after this. I’m excited and sad, and also worried we won’t be able to wrap up everything in just three sessions.

Summary: The party deals with the aftermath of the Northern Water Tribe invasion. Flamer must find a way to disband his cult. Ong plans a funeral for his mom. Chai Li and Kelsang discuss how they might keep Maika out of Dai Lee’s clutches. All three airbenders refuse to address their grief properly.

Previous Sessions/Avatar DND Masterpost

—————

We open the session with everyone still sitting in Klo’s conference room. Chai Li is still trying to figure out what Dai Lee’s angle is and how the party might be able to flank him through the Northern spirit portal. He turns to Flamer and asks how he got into the spirit world.

Flamer says he just…walked in. I guess ten years ago the portals were open around the time he entered? Anyway, he didn’t do anything special.

We discuss options to keep Maika out of Dai Lee’s grasp. There are a few ideas thrown around, mostly ones involving creating a more interesting place for Maika to be than the South Pole, such as using Juno as bait, using Kelsang as bait, or orchestrating some kind of staged attack at the Four Nations Games (Olympics) that are supposed to happen the same day as Dai Lee’s plan to ensure all the “powerful benders” are busy. Kelsang also suggests that maybe we can somehow make Maika forget the sleeper phrase, or undo the brainwashing. Juno says only the person who programmed the phrase can undo it, so Kelsang then suggests maybe taking Maika to see the cuttlecobras? Anyway, we throw around some ideas but don’t really get anywhere.

While everyone else is talking, Ong approaches Syntagma sheepishly and asks if he has a pen and paper. Syntagma replies that he’s an extremely successful businessman, so of course he has paper. He asks what it’s for, and Ong dances around an answer before finally admitting it’s to make flyers for Laminar’s funeral. Ah…Syntagma gives him the paper.

Around this time, Flamer notices a figure in the doorway and excuses himself to go investigate. It turns out to be one of his cult followers. The lady asks if he will be giving any words at the service today. Although Flamer is thinking “uhhh what service???” he says yes of course. She replies that it will be very much looked forward to. After all, several of Flamer’s followers died heroically defending the city, and the grieving families would love some comforting words and closure. Flamer asks how many of his followers died, to which the lady replies 15. He asks when the service (that he totally knew about) will be. 30 minutes. He has that long to figure out what he’s gonna say.

Flamer returns and awkwardly asks Klo if she would like him to make her the leader of his cult…or just disband it. He reminds her that his followers are all quite loyal and he’s sure they would follow whoever he told them to…but they’re also sorta crazy! Klo says Flamer can put her priest, Holi, in charge, as it would make more sense for a religious figure to do it. Syntagma overhears them and asks Klo if there is a healer who may be able to heal Zhongchung’s eyes. Klo says Holi is the most likely person.

Meanwhile, Chai Li overheard Ong talking about a funeral for Laminar and asks Ong when it will be. Ong says later in the afternoon and explains a little bit about sky burials and airbender beliefs.

Kelsang offers to help Ong with the funeral and asks what he can do? He’s mostly trying to bond with Ong here and help him find some closure, but Ong seems pretty closed off emotionally right now. He answers that Kelsang could pick up some candles and inscense, but he mostly already had everything he needed.

When he’s done talking to Kelsang, Klo approaches Ong and says she is sorry about Laminar (but does not mention that she killed her) and tries to offer some comforting words. She admits to Ong the little secret that she was adopted by her parents, so technically did not have a blood right to the throne. She’s using this as a way to say that Ong would be welcomed by her as family and that blood doesn’t have to determine family ties. She offers him a place at the NWT, but after a pause, Ong he says when this is all over, he plans to take a journey to explore his nomadic roots.

Flamer, meanwhile, has gone over to the temple to give his “sermon.” There are a lot of coffins inside containing the bodies of the dead. There is also an ice statue of Flamer now, which is basically all he ever wanted. Anyway, he goes up to the alter and begins his speech. He basically just wings it.

Flamer begins by thanking everyone for coming. “It has been a rough past few days! But after the storm clears, there is a beautiful sky. The fallen may not be able to see the sunrise, but that is because they fought for the living to be able to see it instead. That is what sacrifice is.” However, Flamer says, starting today, he will be making his journey back to the spirit world. After this service, he will be taking the fallen to The Above with him.

There is some murmuring in the crowd as Flamer’s loyal followers realize Major God will no longer walk among them. A child in the crowd interprets this as Flamer dying, and asks how he is gonna die?

Flamer says he doesn’t die, but will be ascending to a greater plane. Anyway, he encourages the followers to keep up the good fight.

Some of the crowd cry out asking who will lead them?

Flamer says they don’t need a leader. Though came here to guide them for some time, what they really needed all along was to look inside themselves and realize they are their own persons who don’t need a leader. Anyway, he asks if they know Holi, and there are groans. Apparently Holi has a reputation of being boring and a killjoy. Okay, change of plans. They definitely don’t need a leader! Buuuut if they can’t trust themselves, then they should trust Klo.

A mom and child walk up to him. The child tugs on Flamer’s pants and asks if he’s gonna save his brother?

It takes Flamer a hot minute to realize this is the mother and younger brother of the teenager who was said to have been dragged away by a spirit several days ago. After a pause, Flamer says his brother HAS been saved, he’s in the spirit world. …The younger brother wants him back though. Okayyy, Flamer is going to get him back! Except Flamer needs a drawing and a good description of the lost boy just in case, because even though he DEFINITELY knows who they’re talking about, you can never be too sure!

He offers one last prayer. He tells the followers to bow their heads and cover their eyes. He thanks “himself” (because when you ARE god, who do you pray to?) for giving everyone the strength to fight for their nation. He then just walks out while they all have their eyes closed, but rolls low on stealth and some people peek. The mom hands him a picture of her son. He sneaks out to go to a clothing shop, presumably to get a disguise or something.

Meanwhile, Syntagma arrives at Holi’s house with Zhongchung. Holi asks how he can help. Syntagma says he’s the best, right? He asks him to help heal Zhongchung’s eyes.

Holi comes over and examines him, slowly unwrapping the bandages. He comments that…there isn’t much to work with. Zhongchung eyes are nearly gone, almost completely destroyed by whatever projectile tore through them. Syntagma asks if he brings Holi a pair of eyes, can he make them work with Zhongchung? Holi tries to set Syntagma’s expectations, saying it is highly unlikely to work due to how complicated it is… Holi says he should be thankful that Zhongchung survived at all and teach him how to adapt. Syntagma figures he can just teach Zhongchung to use seismic sense more effectively and thanks Holi for his time.

He takes Zhongchung out to the mountains where they can find some solid earth. He clears away the snow to make them a nice clear spot for earthbending. Zhongchung apologizes for failing his father. Syntagma basically waves him off and tells him not to worry about it.

He then tells Zhongchung he’s gonna make noises and wants Zhongchung to follow him around and try to find where he is. Zhongchung tries to feel where he is, but fails the first few times. Syntagma tells him to remove his shoes, which he does. Syntagma draws an X on the ground, and tells Zhongchung to try and feel where it is. He manages to find it, and Syntagma draws another X and repeats the process. This time Zhongchung has a harder time finding it, and it takes a lot longer.

Syntagma now says he needs to learn how to dodge, so he’s going to throw things at him. He tosses a clod of dirt at him. It smacks Zhongchung on the face. “It’s okay, you can only get better from here,” Syntagma says. Zhongchung tries again, and gets hit in the face again. Ugh, okay.

Syntagma, growing frustrated by the lack of quick progress, has Zhongchung lay down on the ground, and explains his best bet is to lay down and hide next time they’re in a fight. This upsets Zhongchung, because he wants to do more! Zhongchung basically lives for his father’s approval, so being told he’s lowkey useless strikes a nerve. He stands up angrily and stomps at the ground like a child, but pauses. Wow, he could…almost feel where Syntagma was that time. Over the afternoon, they make some progress, and Zhongchung slowly starts to get it.

Meanwhile, Chai Li returns to the store where the Dai Li agents had been based to look around for anything of interest. The place is pretty cleared out, but he does find a slip of paper behind one of the shelves in the back. It is a transcript of some intelligence from somebody in the Dai Li to someone in the League Against Mindbenders, saying Juno will be in the Southern Water Tribe in six days. There is also some parchment on the table. It’s blank, but Chai Li can feel indentations on it, like Ume had written a note on a piece of paper on top of it. Chai Li gets some charcoal and runs it on top to reveal the message.

“Dai Lee, I bring you some disturbing news. Chai Li does not remember the passwords or does not seem to have received them. I heard from some of Xin Li’s students that he has been traveling with Juno, so I feel he may have been compromised by Juno’s mindbending.”

This must have been the message Ume sent out to Dai Lee during the invasion. Obviously this does not bode well. Chai Li decides to go talk to Ephemeris to see if he might have any more ideas about Dai Lee’s grand plan.

When Chai Li arrives at Ephemeris’s igloo, he’s surprised to see Kelsang there as well. Kelsang only came here to ask if Ephemeris had any of the supplies Ong needs for the funeral, but he’s happy to stick around and theorize about Dai Lee’s plan too.

Chai Li, knowing Ephemeris was employed by Dai Lee and that he spent a lot of time around the Avatar during her captivity, asks if Ephemeris was there when Dai Lee set the sleeper phrase. Ephemeris says that he wasn’t. Chai Li and Kelsang then begin asking if he at least knows how the sleeper phrase works, like the details about how it is actually employed. Ephemeris says that from what he knows, it’s probably a short phrase spoken in a very specific way. Dai Lee is the only one who would be able to use it, so even if they figured out what it was, they wouldn’t be able to use it on Maika themselves. It MIGHT be possible for someone to fake Dai Lee’s voice and manner of speaking, but they would have to be extremely accurate.

Kelsang asks, if they were somehow able to bring Maika to Ephemeris, would he be able to spiritbend/hypnotize her in a way that she would be able to remember the phrase herself? While an interesting idea, Maika was pretty delirious when Juno and Ephemeris broke her out of the Dai Li HQ, so she probably only remembers him as one of her captors and probably wouldn’t be very pleased to see him. Also, Ephemeris says spiritbending doesn’t work that way. Only a mindbender can set the phrase and only that same mindbender can remove it.

HMM well this sounds a lot like another problem the team has had recently! If that’s the case, Kelsang says, why don’t they try taking her to the cuttlecobras? Maybe they could undo the brainwashing or make her forget the sleeper phrase. Ephemeris isn’t sure this would work, but it’s more likely to work than spiritbending. Chai Li suggests that they try and lure Maika to the Lion Turtle Temple/Xin Li’s school, but Kelsang thinks this is probably a bad idea considering they just had a hand in murdering Xin Li’s wife. Kelsang asks if Ephemeris knows of any other places there would be cuttlecobras, and Ephemeris pulls out a map and shows them some additional places where cuttlecobras may be found. The nearest location is near the Western Air Temple.

Chai Li seems satisfied with this information for now, so it’s Kelsang’s turn to talk. He intends to just ask Ephemeris for the supplies, but opens with “So yeah, the kid’s been having a tough time lately as you saw, so I—“

To which Ephemeris cuts him off and says, “oh yes, a strange thing about that one. In the moment he found out about his mother, it’s like his emotions were suddenly…’capped.’”

Chai Li then breaks in to admit that he mindbent Ong—just a “little bit”—to help him accept Laminar’s death. Ephemeris looks shocked and immediately rips into him about how damaging that could be to someone Ong’s age! He spends a minute lecturing Chai Li before finally easing off.

Kelsang then awkwardly asks for the supplies for the funeral, obtains them from Ephemeris, and goes to help Ong set up for the funeral.

Kelsang finds Ong somewhere north of the city on the icy plain. He is horrified to discover that Ong actually went and found Laminar’s mangled body (didn’t expect that), which now lies under a bloody mound of snow. Yikes. Ong is meditating nearby, so Kelsang gently rouses him by calling over his cat and getting it to go sit in his lap. Kelsang asks Ong how he is doing and tries to reassure him by saying he knows Laminar was always hard on him, but maybe that was because after losing Finley, she wanted to ensure her second son was tough and able to defend himself. She wasn’t the most loving but maybe that was how she showed love? It ends up falling kind of flat as Ong sighs and says if that’s true, it was a funny way of showing it.

The two of them set up the candles and inscence Kelsang got from Ephemeris. In an effort to cheer Ong up, Kelsang teaches Ong how to get Meow to breathe fire on command, and they light the candles with a snap and point hand signal at the target, kind of like Roy Mustang. It maybe cheers Ong up a little bit, but he’s still noticeably deflated.

Everyone arrives, and Ong explains that his dad probably would have put on a sky burial for Laminar because that’s what Air Nomads do, so that’s what he’s doing. He explains that the body is just a vessel, and so nature is allowed to reclaim it so that the energy in the body returns to the earth. The reality is that usually vultures will come and eat it, but since they are in a very cold place, that may take a while. Also, normally the family would not be allowed near the body, but since Ong was organizing the funeral he had to. Man this is grim.

Ong says a few words that amount to “she wasn’t a very good person and it’s better that she’s gone” basically. He says it’s ironic that she was always pushing him so hard and displaying her own power, but in the end trying to exert her power over other people is what got her killed.

Everyone seems kinda concerned, and Syntagma is so uncomfortable he almost goes to make Ong stop, but is held back by Zhongchung, who insists he should finish. Ong finishes up and asks if anyone has anything they want to say. Kelsang says he’d like to thank Laminar for giving them Ong (implying it’s the best or only good thing she ever did, but he meant it in a nice way). No one else says anything. Ong declares the funeral over and walks off. Kelsang follows him, concerned.

When Ong is out of earshot, Juno turns to Chai Li and asks “what did you do to that kid?” Chai Li tries to explain he only mindbent Ong a liiiittle bit to help him accept Laminar’s death. He ends up getting an earful from Juno too about how some processes can’t be rushed and you must be extremely careful mindbending a person whose emotions are in such flux, especially a child who hasn’t matured emotionally yet! She tells him a little story about how Dai Lee used to have people doing merchant runs on extremely dangerous seas and half the crews would get killed, so people were afraid to go on the runs. So, he mindbent the crews to be more confident before the next run, but then they ended up being too cocky and next time they ALL died because they had no sense of caution. Chai Li says fine, he gets it, he’s sorry, and he won’t do it again.

And then he insists on checking the body, just to make sure it’s really Laminar and not a Dai Li trick or something. They check. The face is absolutely mangled from the attack, the fall, animals, whatever, but the build and physique is definitely Laminar. Ong had to see this jfc. Chai Li is satisfied.

A little ways off, but still in the vicinity, Kelsang catches up to Ong and asks if he wants to talk about anything. Ong seems fine…ish, but not quite himself.

Also, a funny thing happened here, where Kelsang was asked to roll perception and could tell the boundary between the physical world and spirit world was thin here. Maybe because of the funeral?

Anyway, he has to be in a “spiritual place” to astral project and realizes he could do that here. He has an idea. He asks Ong if his dad ever taught him how to astral project. Ong says they practiced a few times but he was never really good at it. Kelsang says maybe it will be easier with Kelsang’s energy to follow, so how about they go see a friend? Ong is confused, because the party are the only friends he’s had in a long time. Kelsang asks who the last friend Ong had before them was. “Maika?” “Yeah, buddy, how would you like to go see her?”

For the first time in a while, Ong smiles genuinely. Chai Li comes over to ask what they’re doing, and Kelsang asks him to watch their bodies because there are animals and stuff out here. Chai Li agrees and the two airbenders sit down to meditate.

Kelsang zeroes in on where Maika is and “pulls” Ong along with him. Kelsang’s spirit still arrives first, and is met by Maika walking down the street with an apple. She is a little startled to see him pop out of the ether in front of her and chucks the apple at him (which just passes through his spirit projection harmlessly), then recovers and remarks that it was a “bad apple” anyway. She groans and says she doesn’t want to talk to him.

“Great, I brought someone else you can talk to. :)”

Kelsang quickly checks to make sure Maika isn’t dragging a body along behind her or something, then pulls Ong through.

Maika is obviously surprised to see Ong, then she smirks a little and says, “What’s up, dipshit?”

Ong grins and replies, “Hey, bad bitch!”

HORRIFIED Kelsang starts scolding Maika for apparently teaching the kid how to curse. “Those are not appropriate greetings!”

They ignore him, and Ong goes up to hug her before remembering he will just pass right through her. They spend a little time catching up. I made our poor DM role play with himself for a solid minute before realizing maybe my character should say something.

Eventually Maika asks how Ong is doing and he tells her he lost his mom yesterday. Maika’s reaction seems to imply some mixed feelings, but eventually she says, “Well, Laminar wasn’t a great person anyway.” Kelsang agrees.

Since we’re on a theme of grief and loss and as a way to move the subject off of Laminar, Kelsang suggests that maybe Ong would like to hear some stories of Maika and her old team? After a moment of silence, Maika admits that she isn’t really up for talking about her dead teammates today. Airbenders stop ignoring your grief challenge!

Okay then, Kelsang suggests maybe she just tell Ong what she’s been up to, since it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other.

Maika apparently remembers that actually there is a reason she wanted to talk to Kelsang! She changes her tune very quickly (actually coming off as almost friendly?), gestures to the building behind her, and says she was just in the Four Nations Help Center (which Kelsang recognizes as the building where the Summer Conclave was held) tracking down some corrupt officials. She makes an offhand comment about how their corruption wasn’t bad enough to kill them over (to which Kelsang breaks in and congratulates her on being able to hold back), but would maybe lead her to someone who was… Anyway, she produces a note that looks to be the exact same note Chai Li found earlier, but in different handwriting. Maika says she came across some intel that Juno is going to be at the South Pole in six days, and asks if Kelsang knows anything about that?

Kelsang pauses, then asks if Ong would leave the adults to speak alone for a moment. Ong says a quick goodbye to Maika and returns to his body.

When he’s gone, Kelsang turns back to Maika and asks why she thinks he would know where Juno is. She says she knows he’s from the Central Air Temple and that’s where Juno had been hiding, so she figured he might know something. Kelsang feels his own pang of grief as he remembers what Maika DID to the Central Air Temple. Why does he even keep coming to talk to her? He mutters something under his breath about how all Maika knows about the Central Air Temple is that Juno was there once.

After a pause, he says softly that he doesn’t know for sure why he found her crying in a clearing the first time he astral projected to her, but he thinks it’s pretty safe to assume that it was something to do with Maika almost killing her former best friend hours earlier. He asks her why, if she feels remorse over that, is she still out chasing a ghost?

Maika responds angrily that Juno betrayed her and that HURTS, in fact she almost killed her trying to take her bending and Maika isn’t exactly over it!

Kelsang considers this for a moment, then says that he asked Juno once if she still cared about Maika, to which Juno had replied “you don’t really stop caring about a person just like that.” Maika’s expression suddenly changes to one TRULY filled with regret, like she was remembering the worst mistake of her life. Perfect.

She concedes that maybe she doesn’t want to kill Juno necessarily, but she’s got a lot of complicated emotions going on right now and isn’t exactly sure what she DOES want to do. This is…encouraging news, to say the least, but Kelsang still isn’t comfortable telling her where Juno is, or even trying to dissuade her from going to the South Pole, without a solid plan.

Kelsang tells her there were more things Juno wanted to say to her, but he thinks he’d better let Juno tell Maika herself. He never confirms or denies the accuracy of the intel Maika got, merely telling her “he’ll be in touch.”

When he returns to his body, Ong and Chai Li are waiting. Chai Li asks how it went and where the Avatar is. Kelsang relays everything that happened but forgets that Ong didn’t know about Maika trying to kill Juno, so he has to stop and explain to him that they had a falling out but she’s cooled down a bit now. He doesn’t mention what Maika did at the Central Air Temple, but it’s on his mind.

Chai Li asks, frustrated, why Kelsang didn’t try to dissuade her from going to the South Pole or tell her it was a trap by Dai Lee. Kelsang says it’s because he gets the sense that Maika is the kind of person who, when told not to do something, will do it precisely because they were told not to. Also, if she knows Dai Lee is there, she might charge in Leroy Jenkins style regardless of if it’s a trap or not. The good news (if it can be called that) is that Maika is still after Juno but doesn’t sound like she wants to kill her anymore, so they could set their own trap somewhere else to draw Maika away, but they need to decide as a team when and where. The three of them decide they’ll bring this up to the team when they get back.

Meanwhile, Syntagma has found himself with a bit of free time, so goes to talk to the homeless man who Ephemeris keeps telling him to talk to. He lives on the streets in the same neighborhood as Ephemeris, and after some searching, Syntagma is able to find him.

Syntagma just straight up asks him why Ephemeris would send him to go talk to a hobo. The man answers that he reminds people that whatever is going wrong in their lives, it could always be worse. He reveals to Syntagma the fact that he’s a double amputee, which combined with him being homeless and an earthbender stuck in a place that is near constantly frozen over, means he has a pretty low quality of life.

He asks Syntagma what is most important to him. Without missing a beat, Syntagma answers, “Money, of course.”

He then asks Syntagma what will be most important after he dies. They go back and forth on this for a moment, with Syntagma saying first that money is still most important, then admitting that he would have no ability to care about money since he’d be dead. Then he switches to saying that the most important thing would be for people to remember how rich and powerful he was. When reminded of Zhongchung, Syntagma says “he can remember that and remind everybody.”

Oh, Syntagma…you’re SO close to getting it, buddy.

The man prompts him, asking if that would make Syntagma’s children more important than money. Syntagma says no, only Zhongchung because he’s the most useful of his children. So, would that make Zhongchung more important than money, at least?

“…I guess?” Syntagma admits, a bit flippantly.

The man sighs and explains to Syntagma that you die three times: once when you die, again when the last person to have known you dies, and a third and final time when your name is uttered for the last time. He tells Syntagma to think about what his legacy will be, who will have known and cared about him, and how he wants to be remembered by that last person to utter his name.

[polaritiesoop]

Rewatching Hermitcraft 6, and I've reached the beautiful civil war arc. But I also realized that grian has some REALLY weird fans that are such a loud minority. Why is it anytime Grian is playfully at "odds" with another hermit or something shenanigans against Grian that there are negative comments toward said hermit? like why are there some people acting threatened by it?

Long Rant AHEAD

I find it concerning it happened even earlier in season 6. I forgot which hermit, or what it was about but I'm pretty sure a hermit was getting HATE for a HARMLESS PRANK in the famous block GAME MINECRAFT. Ridiculous, ain't it? seeing those strings of words in one. Why on God's green earth does Grian have such baby fans? I thought we were pretty chill but I guess it's only here on tumblr and twitter. I don't know if reddit has been kind to Grian and other hermits, I wouldn't assume they weren't over there considering that Grian likes to hang around there more than twitter. I guess it is most on Youtube comments. This does not only happen in season 6, but I bet also seasons 7, 8, 9 , and life series too, my memory's a bit blurry on the details. And even in the current season?! tf you mean people are hating on Xisuma for banning Grian AS A JOKE ? like why does Grian need to constantly remind people when anything playful "conflict" in the server happens that they are friends? That it is all in good fun? I'm glad though Grian has a strong friendship with the hermits, or the hermits are in good bases in general.

I don't know, its sad and frustrating to see unnecessary negative on what is considered one of the wholesome and fun minecraft smps. Hermitcraft is such a genuine server that I bet feels like home to the hermits, that it's more than simply a gaming server or a series to make tens of Yt videos out of. Same goes with the life series, as a little side smp to get some really chaotic fun, short but effective in giving such good entertainment (for both creators and fans) and compelling stories that fans are able to weave perfectly through fanfiction, art and other creative media, or just simple online discussions. But the fun gets a little spoiled by fans that don't know how to have fun. This is not covering yet how the fandom recently feels too ....idk the right word, charged??? Surely, I am not the only one to notice. I see it on twitter. Why are some people being icky? like stop. I'm getting a deja vu here, from experiences on an adjacent fandom that is crumbling (coughs dream smp).

I don't know why I am ranting. Home girl rewatched hermitcraft 6 and suddenly I am ranting out my personal frustrations LOL. Trying not to get TOO stressed out. I got recently released from college kerfuckle (I make it sound like a mental facility...). I guess Grian's personal note on his recent video about uploading schedule triggered it. I feel kinda bad that he felt pressured to produce videos, as opposed to, yknow, at his own convenience at his own time at his own mood? I hope I am not sounding like those peeps that loves to baby content creators. an adult too, older than an average young fan, in the words of others "a man with dick and balls"! All I can say for Grian's fan (or hermitcraft fans in general) being weird is uhhh touch grass. smell the flowers. go outside. talk to your friends. go watch or rewatch your favorite series. watch long video youtube essays of random topics. look at trees. they are great and beautiful. look at the sky observe its hues. pet a cat. a dog. ur pet salamander or snake or ferret or whatever. animal. think about your crush. or partner. or a friend you really love. or family member you really trust with your life

Its simple really! Take time to reflect on your thoughts. Don't be so fucking mean we have enough mean people in this earth. Don't be like them. The world is a cruel place at the moment, so why not make it better for everyone else? I am not saying to be only kind towards Grian or other content creators or people in this fandom. In general. At the same time, you're being kind to yourself. Not to dwell too much negative in yourself.

This kinda spiral into something else, but honestly i don't care. I got it out of my system. I hope i get to enjoy summer time drawing and writing.

[earthsickwithoutyou]

Saw III 2006 - (contains spoilers)

This review may contain spoilers.

Okie dokie, time to try and evaluate this one. UHHH. There are great strengths and some jarring weaknesses.

Strengths: As a whole, I admire Whannell's writing in raising the suspense and tension to absolute fever pitch and keeping us guessing the whole time. There's also no denying that while I'm not a fan of how over-the-top Jeff's plotline was, the story and performances tug the heartstrings.

We got more Amanda. That is my baby girl who never did anything wrong in her life and was rejected by the surrogate father figure who twisted her mentality while she was recovering from hard drugs and trauma (which HE gave her!). So sassy, so cute, Ily Amanda 🥰

Characters were deeper and easier to root for at times: I believe this is because Jeff and Lynn were both good people. That has its pros and cons, though...to be discussed soon.

Traps were genius; particularly memorable were the angel and freezing devices; the pig one was just freaking gross, and the rack was horrifying.

Leave it to Jigsaw to bring back the most cruel, unjust form of torture from Tudor England. WOW so random yet so fucking mean for no good reason. That's Jigsaw alright, check check check (he designed all of these no matter who built them and carried them out; he also designed the entire game for Jeff and Lynn).

However, still have to rank that trap as a plus for the genuine fear factor.

We got a lil bit of my boyfriend Eric Matthews back, albeit in sequences that were a bit confusing in places. But it was enough to hold me over until I continue the rewatch and get to my husband, Peter Strahm.

The SCORE was tremendous in this one. I loved the way the movie quietly brought in the "game over/main theme" music, which is totally iconic, throughout the film instead of only at the end. Every time it happens I have to bob my head and dance a lil.

WEAKNESSES: It's no secret I hate it when movies spend long, indulgent amounts of time on the suffering of children or parents who lost their children tragically. First of all, and most problematically, it's repetitive, which after a while, naturally gets monotonous, punishing on the viewer not in the fun way, and irritating.

Secondly, there is no need to repeatedly hammer home the awful loss of that young boy, especially since -- as the supposed spark that sets off the whole game -- Jigsaw could not give a fuck that this kid died. Cah-learly.

If Jigsaw had one tiny bit of empathy in him, at least there would be some redeeming factor to this plotline. I understand that it's intended to be bleak, etc. But bleak works better when it's balanced with enough reasons to make it feel earned.

Jigsaw became sort of obsessed with poor Jeff, because it was easy to project his twisted hero complex by deceitfully forcing the man through room after room of torment "to prove you can spare a life and stop living in the past."

If I were Jeff and Jigsaw made me BURN the belongings of a cherished loved one who passed, I, too would use one of the cruel implements he so helpfully supplied at the end of the film.

Asshole behavior across the board. John is perfectly happy with these results. He barely cares when Amanda dies, because he had come to see her as too unstable/unpredictable to be a trustworthy continuer of his legacy. Cuz he really loves fooling himself that most of his traps are escapable. What a LOSER.

He smiles when Jeff comes for him with the saw, despite the fact that he fucking knows this is gonna kill Lynn, who helped him and had already suffered enough, plus who he seemed to almost connect with a tiny bit. That's like besties for him. But no, off with her face! Why? Because John HAS to be right. He wants to prove that Jeff is never going to live a good life, but will, instead continue striving for foolish revenge? Well, hey, bud, maybe don't fucking torture him and his wife and mess with his already-unstable and traumatized head. He goaded Jeff into killing him so he could lie there like Saint Jigsaw with a halo going "*oh, dear, I so hoped that he was going to change.* But he chose wrong, game over, goodbye innocent bystander who won her game and should be allowed to live. My rules only matter when they are entertaining and gratifying to me and mah ego."

After forcing us to suffer agonies along with Jeff, the ending just feels like a mean punch in the face with no redeeming virtues. I also find it hard to believe Jeff made it THAT far in his completely unfair game, having mercy on all those other people (even if he was too slow to act a couple times) and then suddenly he turns his back on progressing in and getting out of the game.

He's dumb enough to listen to Saint Jigsaw telling him not to do that because others will suffer and "our lives" are in the balance, and then go through with it? Since when?? Because true facts, my mans never would have made it all the way through to his Holiness' room if he was that stupid. PLEASE.

Direction was solid, I could do without the Mtv "edgy" / yellow acid rock video vibe that randomly comes in, but on the other hand, it is also super endearing.

I'm so excited to move onto Saw IV, my fave! Peter I'm coming for you 😍

from Letterboxd - Virginia Mae https://ift.tt/NXg0wIM

[viksalos]

4, 7, 11, 12, 15, 20, 31, 40, 46, 48, 56, 57, and 58

so understandably this got very long lol

(ask game)

4. thing i'm looking forward to: hmmm short term i'd probably say for Skinny Puppy to reschedule their Pittsburgh show, and for a friend's wedding coming up at the beginning of next month :) longer term to graduate with my fking doctorate aughhh

7. what my life was like last year: about the same? i hadn't made as much progress in my degree but i did hit a few important milestones at least, so it was frustrating but i was getting somewhere. last year was definitely the year that live music *really* started back up since the pandemic began, so i started getting out and doing that a lot more. was a bit nervous to get back into crowds but i thought it was really good for me to have a hobby where i get to see other human beings regularly and slowly make friends in the local music scene 👍

11. music i'm listening to rn: ya i got the thou/ragana split repress in the mail yesterday so i'm spinning that

12. something i want rn: i mean most of my immediate needs are taken care of so i feel like this kind of ties in with 4 lol--skinny puppy show, my doctorate, cure for my chronic illness maybe idk

15. personality description: hmm!! well shy but friendly, tries to be careful with my words but ultimately a chatterbox, sad sometimes but full of love for others & tries to be compassionate in all things. duality of woman or whatever

20. favorite song rn: ohhh that is hard, my favorite song changes like every day lol. i guess since i'm listening to the thou/ragana split rn and it just came on i'd say The Void. i know the void!!

31. 3 random facts: uhhh off the top of my head. 1.) have skydived 2.) when i was a teenager i went to an "explosives camp" which was billed as a way for troubled kids to get out their destructive urges but really it was just a way for the local mining & engineering school to recruit people to its program lol. but i did learn how to set up & detonate C4 among other stuff 3.) was a member of a local cult/megachurch for a few months as a kid

40. favorite memory: ohhh this is HARD. i feel like i have to say my wedding though. there was a lot of stuff leading up to the wedding that was difficult & painful but it was mostly like, pandemic and terrible relatives, but our friends really showed up for us and the actual day went as well as it could have :)

46. last text: "none really"

48. turn offs: idk, like sexually or personally? sexually i guess not much shocks me but there's plenty i'm not willing to do, including discussing this too much on tumblr lol. on an interpersonal level though i'd say my turnoffs are mostly just like, making being a hater your whole personality i guess? like you could otherwise be a totally decent person, have politics that completely align with mine etc., but if everything you say or post is about how X harmless phenomenon or group of people is annoying or trash or whatever then i'm not gonna want to be around you, even if X harmless phenomenon is something i also don't like. wish you the best tho

56. answered

57. favorite domestic animal is probably the humble kitty cat :) favorite wild animals are probably servals and snakes. i think all animals are cool tho & i like learning about them

58. description of my best friend: uhhh physically he looks somewhere between kaidan alenko and harvey guillen. he likes podcasts, video games, and synthpop. also kind of a shy-but-friendly personality, maybe a bit shyer than me tho. normal human man, keeps me sane 👍

[eristic-kaleidoscope]

Young and Innocent Even Today || Byrne || Trial 3-3 || RE: Erik A, Arakiel, END || ATTN: Everyone

Byrne sighed listening to the back and forth going on in the room. People were rightly upset to be frustrated about the whole flirting thing. He felt it was better for him to just... mostly ignore it for the time being. Other people had that handled.

"Ok, since nobody's responded to my question about the muddy footprints, or is even discussing it, I'm gonna assume that the muddy footprints in the fountain room are from the culprit. Because somebody's hiding that they were there. Given the only people who had mud going on happened during the rainstorm, I'm gonna say that our culprit had to have gone in after 5:30, actually. Couldn't have been from Urchin, since it was raining after she died. Dunno why Ae-ra would've left and then gone back into the thing."

"People shouldn't take '30 minutes' as the final definite time, also since fuckin' uhhhh... That was just a guess and not a definite answer or anything. If our perp got in after 5:30, it would have HAD to take less time."

People probably just... didn't have ideas about it, or something. Though, there were a couple of points END brought up specifically that Byrne felt the need to mention.

"'Had to have it beforehand cause they weren't seen' isn't really... accurate. The only place Ae-ra was seen was the doghouse, and she had to have been to the supply room at some point to grab a raft, too, I think. People weren't just... loitering in the garden the entire time to see everything. It's reasonable for people to have just missed shit. S'far as I know, the only times people were in the garden for a long time was fuckin' uhhh... 5 to 5:30 and around the end of the rain time."

He shrugged slightly. It felt a little like END was grasping for straws to find a reason for Ae-ra to have had nothing to do with any of it, but... There was only so much he could say here to help move things along when he didn't have the technical know-how and information the other people had. There was just... a LOT of things he didn't know.

Thus, he wasn't really comfortable with accusing people when he was of the mindset that he had significantly less ideas than other people. Who knew if he'd be wrong.

Kenshin's points, however, he turned to Kenshin and gave him a quick nod. There was a LOT there he figured was sound, though he only had one note to make.

"Not sure if the residue was from the couch. It was less fuzzy like thread and more... solid? I guess. For whatever that's worth. You've got a lot of good thoughts going on, though."

He took a moment to think. What could he say to maybe get people to put aside biases for a moment? Because it sort of felt like people were arguing for the sake of protecting their cliques rather than... Looking at things as a whole.

"... Guess I should remind y'all what's at stake with this one. So... What we've got here is the possibility of not one but TWO executions if we get shit wrong. Shit's randomized, too, so the only person you're saving is the culprit. You could die, your best friend could die, anyone in this room. S'why I wasn't exactly... happy about Ae-ra's appeal in the first trial. She coulda died. END coulda died. I coulda died. On top of that, if we're really fucking unlucky, if we get it wrong, the culprit could just fucking choose to kill everyone we saw on the goddamn screen. Parents, siblings, best friends. All that shit. That's fucking dangerous as hell. So just... Think about that for a bit."

... But whether or not people would listen was another story altogether.

[synodicatalyst]

some thoughts on.....opinions or something uh

i think that people need to like...learn to understand and respect that other people can Have Opinions Different From Yours like. it genuinely came as a kind of shock when i was on twitter and one of my (older. like, in their twenties) mutuals was talking about issues. like, they were talking about trans issues at one point and they were talking about some notorious trans person who was a dick about something else or something (maybe to do with nb genders) and they were like, yeah. this person is an asshole. but they’re also trans and therefore you can’t invalidate their thoughts and experiences, even if you want to completely disregard everything that they have to say. like, they’re a person too and are autonomous and obviously have had a set of experiences Unique To Themselves so you can’t just say shit like ‘well i’m just gonna block my ears and ignore everything they say’ because if you DO that, then that is, first of all, hypocritical to a sad extent, and secondly, it leaves no room for growth or understanding for EITHER party.

another example of this was with like, internet friends and mutuals and stuff and they were expressing their own personal opinions on something like.... i think it was related to fandom dynamics or something. and anyway they said their bit and followed it up with something like ‘feel free to discuss your own opinions and stuff with me, and know that even if our views and practices differ that doesn’t make me respect you any less’

my final example is when they learnt that TERFs existed. he asked what it was and a bunch of us just said stuff like, yknow, transphobic people under the guise of feminism, and he’s like, alright. but instead of just being like “eh” and leaving it at that (he’s trans and intersex too) he went on to examine like, the popular arguments and stuff of actual TERFs which is like....wow. it takes a lot of chill to be able to read over all of the bullshit that TERFs spout and just kind of go ‘hahahaha ok wow these people believe this shit and there are a lot of holes in their arguments’ and like. the way that he went ahead and collected his own info first and thought about it properly and came to his own conclusion is like, really important

like. wow. it made me realise that people like that dude are the best off in this world, because, alright. tumblr is, in fact, a community that runs off a really fucked up and roundabout system. the stark black-and-white morality thing going on is super harmful, in that it invalidates the fact that people are individuals with autonomy to think and feel and come to conclusions of their own, and it just doesn’t take into account that people who’ve had vastly different social and cultural experiences will have! different! opinions! and world views! and getting caught up in purist morals and this lack of understanding (aside from the fact that it’s like, exactly like my experiences with dealing with conservative church ideals, just.......on the gay side) is only going to lead in unhealthy conflict.

in the real world, not everyone is caught up in this same game of “moral purity” that tumblr (and honestly, i hate using ‘tumblr’ like this, but i genuinely have not witnessed this bullshit on any other social media platform ever) likes to enforce. let’s be real; there are so many more people out there than that. chances are, the people you push away for being quote unquote Problematic for some small breach of something stupid are actually.....really nice people? who just haven’t like, been educated enough or have experienced....the same experiences? i have friends who have....slightly different views on things as I do. i have like, straight friends who are still dealing with their own fair share of internalised homophobia, who have said kind of dumbass things in the past but i dont condemn them for that? i just try to point out where they’re being insensitive or ignorant and that’s that. their continued progression in learning and growing is admirable in that they’re willing to change and adapt, which is a sore contrast to a lot of the people i’ve seen around and met on here. the fact that they can have different opinions on things to me doesn’t make them any less of a valuable friend? it doesn’t change the fact that i value the companionship of the friends i have in real life immensely? they’ve helped me through so much, and i enjoy spending time with them, the Slightly Ignorant Of The Sociopolitical Whatevers People, just as much as i enjoy spending time with my friends on here, even if the people on here are like. “more woke” or whatever.

i’m not defending anyone, nor am i endorsing anything. i acknowledge that people can and will be shitty and they won’t listen no matter how hard you try, and some people you just wont be able to deal with, and yeah. shutting out those people is fine. but no-one’s gonna grow (especially not you) if you make yourself a little bubble of Everyone Thinks The Same As Me and refuse to see anything or think anything else. 

anyways what i’m trying to say is just....chill out. its not worth being violently negative towards other people for super tiny reasons, it’ll just exacerbate the problem. also start acting like grown adults at some point ....please.....acting petty and overreacting is exactly what tiny 6-year-olds do. i know we all like to make jokes like ‘yeah but im an asshole. im a bitter and mean gay. i’m just a 5 year old at heart’ or whatever but........that’s? a kind of shitty poor excuse ? to be? unneccessarily mean? to other people? 

[triplexdoublex]

Pornstar

Pairings: Colson x Reader

Warnings/Tags: rough sex, anal sex, face fucking, gagging, spit, spitting in mouth, slight bondange, golden showers, pissing in mouth, slapping across face, being filmed.

A/N: Shout out to Shawnie ( @heytheregreeneyes) for always letting me use her as my OC and being my best friend. Also Colson isn’t MGK in this, just a pornstar so his personality isn’t as cocky as he usually is. I know I’ve mentioned it before but the sex in this is loosely based off my fave porn star Small Hands AKA Aaron Thompson. Hope this was worth the wait. Lemme know what you think! “Open it, open it!” Your roommate and best friend Shawnie stood before you with a gift bag in hand, shaking it excitedly.

“My birthday’s not even until this weekend,” You laughed taking the bag from her. “You sure you don’t want me to wait? It’s only a few more days.”

“ No please, I’ve kept this a secret for long enough, it’s killing me! Just open it!” She exclaimed. “Plus your gonna need time to prepare.”

“Prepare?” 

“C’mom, just open it, open it, open it!!!” She was far too excited. You wondered what it could be that she was so eager to give you. But what you pulled out of the bag just left you with even more questions. 

“Thanks???” You said confused, holding up a sexy red lace bra and matching g- string that tied at hips. 

“That’s only part of it,” she assured you. “What’s your biggest wish?” She tried to clue you in.

“Ummm paying off all my student debt?” You answered still puzzled. “Did you get me a job as a stripper?” You laughed.

“Okay, maybe ‘wish’ was the wrong word to use … hmmm—oh biggest fantasy!” She corrected herself. 

“Oh to fuck my favorite porn star Huge Hands, AKA Colson Baker. You know that — wait … no, no way!”  You exclaimed as your friend started frantically nodding her head yes. “Shut up!!! What? You’re kidding. Like how?”

“Look in the bag . There’s more!” 

You reached into the bag and pulled out a pass of some kind and read it aloud. “Huge Hands/Colson Baker : Exclusive Access, Porn Star for a Day pass” 

“They were super limited, I have no clue how I managed to snag one, but I’m so happy I did! The look on your face right now is priceless!” Shawnie laughed. “It’s probably because you’re the only one I know who’s  crazy enough to actually go through with this.”

“I-I don’t even know what to say. I have no words… thank you.” You expressed your gratitude, still in shock. “I’m really about to have the best sex of my life this weekend! On my birthday yet! Have you seen his fucking cock, it’s huuuge!”

“Yes, many times,” Shawnie chuckled , entertained by how pumped you are. “Or did you forget about all the links of his umm ‘work’ you’ve sent me?” Shawnie wasn’t big on porn herself but she was always willing to take an interest in your latest obsessions, no matter what they were. That’s what you loved most about her. “Turn it over, it tells you more about what’s included on the back.”

You did as she suggested, turning the pass over to read more. “Half hour zoom call day before to privately discuss details, and needs/wants of scene; hair and make up; up to one hour of shooting time; and keepsake autographed DVD recording,” you listed off. “You know I’m gonna watch that everyday for the rest of my life, right?” 

“I’m assuming you’re gonna make me watch it at least once too, knowing you,” Shawnie laughed. 

“Yeah probably,” you laughed as well. “ I got no shame!”

*************

You’re stomach was in knots as you waited for the zoom call to begin; you’d never felt so excited and  nervous at the same time. Shawnie was there with you sitting just out of frame, when the ‘bloop’ of the call came through your computer's speakers. 

“Hi, Y/N?” Colson questioned.

“Yeah, hi. That’s me!” You did a timid little wave.

“Ok good, just wanted to make sure I got the right person before we get started here. Imagine that … Awkward!,” he laughed, and you instantly began to relax; you could tell he was going to be easy to talk to. “Well, obviously you know what I do , but I’d love to hear a little about you. Says here on your forms you’re a college student?”

“Wait, what forms?” You asked.

“The ones you filled out online with your info and kinks and things you wanted to include in our video when you purchased the Pornstar for a day package,” he answers slightly confused. 

“Ohhh, my friend bought me this for my birthday, she must have filled them out.” You responded. “She’s right here. Say hi Shawnie!”

“Hi!” She giggled leaning into frame. 

“Hello. Wow this must be some “friendship” he joked making air quotes. “Because this is a very detailed list. You gotta hear this.” He smirks. “Written in the section about what you hope to include in our scene says— and  I quote: I want Huge Hands/ Colson to absolutely destroy me. I want him to fuck my throat, my pussy and my ass. I want him to slap me around, and spit and piss in my mouth, and anything else he wants to do to me, I’m all for it.”  He choked out a laugh pulling dramatically at the collar of his shirt “Whew, I’m the pornstar here and that’s even got me blushing!”

“Oh my God, Shawnie!” You covered your beet red face.

“What!?, did I lie?” She laughed.

“I mean no, but still. Damn, to hear it out loud like that.” Your eyes bulged. 

“So it’s true then?” Colson asked slyly.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” you hid your smile behind your hand, shaking your head in embarrassed disbelief.

“Aye,  no need to be embarrassed, we’re gonna have fun tomorrow, I can tell,” he smiled. “I’m especially excited that your interested in Anal. It’s kinda my favorite. I’m assuming you’ve done it before?” 

“Yeah,” you answered simply.

“Do you enjoy it?” He asked.

“Tell him what your ex said!”  Shawnie blurted out. 

“Oh, boy. I gotta hear this,” he chuckled. “What’d the ex say?”

You inhaled deeply before speaking, “I do enjoy it, probably more than regular sex, if I’m being honest,” you admitted. There was no use trying to be coy now. “Uhhh he actually said I could be a pornstar since I can take a hard anal pounding so well.” 

“Nice!” He exclaimed. “Girl, after my own heart.”

“Jesus Christ, this conversation has me sweating already,” you chuckled standing up to pull your cardigan off. 

“Is that a little tattoo I saw there, peaking out of the top of your jeans?” He asked. 

“Yeah, you wanna see?” You unzipped your jeans without waiting for a response and lowered the top of your underwear just enough to show him. 

“ The Playboy bunny, huh? How fitting,” he teased.

“What can I say, it was my first tattoo,” you giggled “Seemed like that’s what everyone was getting at the time.”

“What else you got going on down there?” He lifted his head as if trying to see more. “Is that a landing strip?” He asked referring to the thin dark stripe of short curls just  barely visible above the band of your lowered underwear. “Can I see?” 

“Yeah, sure,” you lowered them further exposing yourself, your inhibition long gone at that point. “This is just how I normally like to groom. I can shave it completely if you prefer?” 

“Nah, it’s perfect,” he smiled. “Well, I think I have a pretty good idea now of what you like and what we’ll be getting ourselves into tomorrow. Do you have any questions or anything else you want me to know, before we end the call?” 

“I don’t think so,” you said. “Shawnie pretty much laid it all out on those forms,” you laughed. 

“That she did!” He produced a chuckle as well. “I meant to ask earlier, but, since she knows so much about your kinks and what not, have you two ever —“

“ No, just best friends, I tend to overshare, I guess.” 

“Yeah it amazes me sometimes, the things women  share with their friends, but yet guys are always the ones who are known to kiss and tell and brag about their conquests. Females can be just as bad, y’all just keep it on the low a little better,” he stated. “Well, I look forward to working with you tomorrow. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait!” You responded. “Bye.”

“Bye,”

You felt oddly comforted and at ease after the call, no longer a ball of nerves or embarrassment. He made you feel like there was no shame in enjoying the things you did. He was very professional despite the nature of the call; it didn’t feel sleezy or overly salacious; just two consenting adults having a mature conversation about their sexual desires. 

*************************

When you walked out of hair and make-up and onto set, you saw Colson waiting for you on a red leather couch. He was clad in only black dress pants; shirtless — his tattoos on full display. He smiled seductively when he saw you, beckoning you over with a pat to his thighs. You undid your silk robe they had given you and let it slip from your shoulders to the floor, revealing the red lacy set Shawnie had bought you, as you made your way over to him. You suddenly became very aware of all the cameras and other people in the room, as you sat on his lap. Somehow it has slipped your mind that they were all a part of what went into this.

“You get used to it,” he said softly , remembering the way he felt his first time in front of the cameras. “Just pretend they’re not even there— only me and you, okay?” He said brushing a finger along your thigh. “Unless, Shawnie forgot to mention you’re an exhibitionist too, then by all means enjoy them watching us fuck,” he joked, making you laugh. “Don’t forget, if you need me to stop at anytime for any reason, just give me three quick taps,” he demonstrated, tapping your thigh. “Don’t worry about the filming, they can always edit and piece things back together if needed. This is all for you and I want you to enjoy yourself. Oh and happy birthday by the way! It’s today right?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

“Ok, so we’ll just start the scene with some kissing and light touches, and when I feel you’re ready I’ll signal the camera man, he’ll call action, and then we'll be recording.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded your head. He had made you feel so comfortable and relaxed the last bit of nervousness you chalked up to just being slightly star struck; You never thought in a million years you’d get this opportunity.

“Ready?,” he pressed his forehead to yours, staring directly into your eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up into the most alluring devilish grin. 

“Ready,” you echoed back, biting your lip trying to suppress a needy whine. God you were always such a sucker for his killer eye contact in his films, and now you were the one his eyes were soul fucking. You’re heart pounded with excited anticipation as Colson’s face drew nearer to your own. He lightly held your chin as he pressed his lips to yours, parting them to introduce his tongue. It was a welcome greeting, cut short by the breathy “oh fuck ” that involuntarily slipped from your lips.

“”You good?” He laughed softly, a small puff of air the only thing separating your mouths; your foreheads still touching. 

“More...than good,” you spoke in a short choppy sentence trying to compose yourself. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” he smirked against your lips, continuing to kiss you. 

You melted into his kisses— slow and gentle at first,  increasing in intensity as he carried on. When he nipped at your bottom lip with a low groan, you lost all innocence, shifting positions to straddle his lap. You gripped the back of his head, as he kissed you and rolled your hips against him, demanding more. And that’s when he knew … that you were ready.  He quickly signaled to the cameraman with a thumbs up, and “Action” was called. 

His hand slipped down from your chin, settling on the highest part of your neck just under your jaw, his fingers squeezing at your pulse points on either side. Roughly he turned your head to the side with a push of his thumb and his mouth began mauling your neck with an appetite for lust, leaving blooming raspberry patches along the descending path of flesh that lead to your breasts. With one hand he expertly undid the front clasp of your red lace bra and took in the sight of you.

 “Perfect,” he whispered into your flesh with a growl, taking one breast  in each hand as he licked between them, keeping his eyes locked on yours. You slid the silky straps of your lingerie over your shoulders, letting it fall, as he took turns going back and forth between each breast treating each of your nipples to light suction and a pleasurable nibble. You let out a moan at his actions and again rolled your hips in his lap, pressing yourself against the hardening bulge inside his dress pants. “Needy are we?” He teased swiftly  spinning you around so your back was to his chest. He dug his chin into your shoulder peering over it as he snatched up the crotch of your panties roughly, tugging the material up between your lips . You canted your hips up chasing after the friction of the coarse fabric against your clit. “You like that, huh?” He pulled them harsher. 

“Mmmm, yes” you squeaked out, nodding your head.

“Yeah, I bet you do,” he growled nipping at your neck. “Look at this pretty pussy,” he shoved the material to the side exposing you, letting his fingers explore your folds as he pleased. “You want my cock right in here huh?” His voice was so gravelly and low as he slipped a finger inside you, only to quickly pull it back out, teasing you. “Taste yourself,” he brought the finger to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around it, as he slid it further into your mouth, his long fingers slipping down the back of your throat. “Oh, god, yes!” He exclaimed impressed by how you didn’t even gag. “Tell ya what—“ he paused to add a second finger to your mouth, continuing to talk as you sucked “If you can suck my dick as good as that—“   he then pulled them back out of your mouth. “I might just have to fuck you right in here too,” he shoved his spit slicked fingers into your ass.

“Yes, fuck, please!” You whined, wiggling your hips, wanting his fingers deeper.  

“You like that? Huh. You dirty little anal whore!” He grabbed your neck with his free hand, keeping you pinned back against him, the fingers of his other hand still moving inside you.

“Yes, yes! I am,” you strained to speak. “Please, please fuck my ass!” You whined impatiently with pleasure. You never heard yourself sound so needy and desperate in your life.

“You sound you pretty when you beg, but you're gonna have to earn it first,” he demanded pulling out his fingers,  leaving you feeling empty. Quickly, you dropped to your knees in front of the couch as Colson got up standing before you. You waited impatiently while Colson unbuckled his belt above you. Once undone he yanked the belt free from the loops with a satisfying ‘whoosh’ that made you pulse between your thighs. You desperately clawed his pants and boxers  down his legs like a feral cat in heat as Colson brought the tip to your mouth, still holding onto his belt in the other. “Open!,” he demanded. “Goooood,” he growled in praise as you did what you were told. You reached up to grab it but ,“no hands!” he smacked them away, and then secured them behind your back with his belt. “Let’s try this again, open!” He spoke harshly. You obliged, opening wide. “Tongue” he barked.  You let it hang from your mouth with anticipation; eager breaths rolling down it like a panting dog eyeing a steak. He teased you, slapping his cock against your tongue before shoving it fully into your mouth. Your eyes prickled with tears as you fought your gag reflex, taking him down your throat. He held your head in place with one hand , the tip of your nose pressed flush against the coarse hair of his pelvis, as he hunched his body forward over yours untying the sides of your G-string. It slipped from your body leaving you completely nude. Colson smacked your ass, then gripped it harshly, making it jiggle for him before finally standing straight up and pulling his hips back to let you come up for air. 

“Huuuuuuhhhh,” you inhaled sharply gasping for breath, letting oxygen penetrate deep into your lungs before Colson stuffed your mouth again. Mascara ran down your hollowed out cheeks as you sucked. You started pulling back out of instinct when you began to gag but Colson held you in place. 

“No, keep it in your mouth,” he instructed condescendingly, looking down at you. “Just a little longer” he promised. You tried your best, Colson letting out a throaty moan every time your raw, used throat constricted around him as he fucked into it. “Mmmgghh,” he groaned, pulling out of your mouth “Goooood girl,” he praised with a smirk, before bending down to give you a sloppy kiss, swapping mouthfuls of saliva. Just as he pulled away he let a long string of collected spit slip from his pursed lips and into your open mouth, where you eagerly accepted it, moaning as you swallowed it down. 

 You let out a breathy “awhhh” as you opened your mouth again, wiggling your tongue enticingly. 

“Such a dirty, fucking whore,” he bent down again and spat directly in your face. He smeared it all over your face with his hand before grabbing you by the neck, pulling you to your feet. “Turn around,” he ordered. You did as he said and Colson undid his belt from around your wrists. Before you even had a chance to soothe your sore wrists with a rub, Colson spun you around and pushed you down onto your back on the couch, your ass teetering on the edge of the red leather cushion. “Spread yourself for me,” he instructed, as he pumped himself. Again you did as you were told; you pulled your legs up, wrapping an arm around each thigh, holding them back as you parted your opening with your fingers.  “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He teased the head of his cock through the glistening mess on display for him. 

“Fuck me,” you said in an inpatient huff, staring into his eyes. 

“Awhhh, yessss,” he groaned out, slack jawed as he sank into you

“Ohhh, shit,” you screamed out , face twisted in pleasure, your eyes slipping shut, at the feeling of him burying himself deep in your cunt.

“Open your eyes. Look at me!” He spoke harshly, cupping your face in his hands as he thrust. You opened your eyes, trying to focus on his, but your vision was  spotted by the intensity of it all. “Feel good?” He pressed his forehead to yours just as he’d done earlier , starring directly into the windows to your soul as he fucked you. You nodded the best you could, but that wasn’t good enough for him. “Words, I want words. Say yes!”

“Yes.. yes,” you responded breathily, biting at your lip.

“Yeah, Mmmghhh, that’s it. Fuck, I like it when you use your words”  he moaned , shifting himself to be more upright. He then spit on the tips of his fingers and brought them to your clit and began rubbing it furiously, his cock still destroying you.

“OH Fuck!” You cried out, wiggling and bucking your hips. 

“You gonna fucking stay still? He roughly grabbed your face, squeezing your cheeks. You nodded your head, trying your best to calm your body’s erratic, pleasure driven movements as he thrust. “Words!” He spat, his hand letting go of your face only to connect it to your cheek again with a quick, yet harsh slap.

“Shit! ...Yes!” You corrected yourself once again, Your body was  loving how aggressive he was getting the longer he fucked you and he could tell;  spitting at and striking your face again.

“Turn over!”  He ordered, abruptly pulling out. “Hands on the back of the couch.” He roughly assisted you in turning around , and you placed your hands where instructed. You arched your back and pushed your ass out waiting for him to re enter you from the new position. “This is where you really want it, huh?” He teased his cock over your asshole. 

“Yes!,” you remembered to use your words this time.

“You’re a dirty little fucking anal whore, aren’t you? He asked, he question sounding a lot more like a statement. “Let me hear you said it.” He applied pressure to your hole with the tip, as he yanked back a fist full of your hair.

“I’m a dirty little fucking anal whore!,” you repeated desperately pushing back against him.

“Mmmghh!, That you are!” He confirmed with a groan, snapping hips hips forward, quickly entering you. 

“Uhhhhh, Oh my God!” You exclaimed at the feeling. You never fully understood why you enjoyed anal as much as you did, perhaps it was the pleasurable fullness, the taboo aspect, the fact that you were one of the few woman who were into it, or the way so many men were obsessed with it , and the look on their face when they found out you were more than willing to take it up the ass, but you absolutely loved it, and this time was no different. Every jack hammered thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge, especially when Colson reached around to between your legs adding the friction of his fingers to your clit. The sensation of your ass being stuffed combined with his  touch was the perfect recipe for orgasm and you felt it building every time his cock slid in and out. 

“Yeah, cum for me,” he could feel you tightening around him. His words perfectly in sync with the  jolt of pleasure boiling over in your abdomen and ripping through you with vast intensity. A series of explitives and sounds you’ve never heard yourself make, flew from you lips as your body went boneless under Colson. He quickly pulled out, turned you back over and came across your face with a few pumps of his hand. He collapsed to the side of you briefly, before tugging you off the couch and onto your knees. “I’m not done with you just yet,” he spoke out of breath taking his softening dick in his hand. Your eyes lit up, you knew what he was referring too— the only thing on your list of wants he hadn’t included yet. “Say ahhh!”

“Ahhh,” you echoed the request, letting his golden stream fill your mouth, splash off your tongue and dribble down your chin and body. You giggled, piss spilling from your smile as you looked up at him, all your fantasies now fulfilled. 

“Annnd cut!” Called the director. A few stage hands scrambled to bring you both a towel and small refreshments. “Almost done, just gonna get you guys a little cleaned up, rehydrated, let you catch your breath a bit, and then film the little quick, post scene interview. 

“Ok,” you both answered.

Colson tossed his towel over his shoulders and reached out his hand to you “You, good?” He asked with a faint laugh , watching your hand shake as you drank your water.

“Yeah,” you answered letting him pull you up onto the couch. 

“You were amazing,” he said, rubbing your back. He knew the come down from the adrenal rush of scenes could be taxing, especially from rough ones . “You —“

“Ready,” the director interrupted, cutting him short, and immediately pressing record. “So how was it?” the director focused the camera on you first. 

“Oh my god.. mind blowing,” you answered , still out of breath, adjusting your towel. 

“And you?” The director turned the camera to Colson.

“ Absolutely amazing. She was a natural. I’d love to work with her again.”

[dendrosystem]

ok so heres the pre- 3.0 livestream post im making to gather all of my thoughts about what we’ve seen so far 

“A little experiment in blasphemy”

this little scene actually gave us ALOT !!!!!! of insight !

A1. our first look at the big burning tree of sumeru (more on this part later) A2. collei has prophetic dreams ! (proven that dottores little prank wasnt just collei’s bad dream in the 40 second animation) A3. tighnari is a fucking nerd

A3. tighnari (and possibly/probably cyno) is collei’s instructor/mentor !

A4. there are multiple Il Dottores. (jesus christ 😇) AND Il Dottore (collective) doesnt enjoy being called “young”

A5. Dottore Prime (the first) is the one burning the tree

A6. assuming the little conversation at the end of Winter Night’s Lazzo takes place while theyre still at the funeral, we can assume that the funeral takes place after the traveler gets to sumeru because like if the tree was already burning then uhhhhh i think there’d be more word about it around teyvat and also the traveler is shown standing there in the animated video so it cant have been burning for that long

“I’m just the moon. The real sun is long gone.”

B1. my personal belief is that this metaphor is very subtly hinting to what i like to call a “Solar Eclipse” dynamic that will become more apparent later on in the story. solar eclipses are very large events in which the moon covers up the sun, so my theory is that Kusanali took the place of (covered up for) the old dendro archon in some big event.

B2. my other ideas about this line are that the culture of sumeru has changed a bit in terms of how they regard their archon since the change happened. Kusanali is widely reffered to as “Lesser Lord’. this is even how Yae reffers to her at the end of inazuma’s archon quest, so its pretty widely known that Kusanali isnt the original archon i guess ? so my guess is that the moon and real sun thing could also imply that sumeruan culture used to be “we revolve around our archon” like the earth revolves around the sun, but now its “the archon revolves around us” like the moon revolves around the earth. this is to say that kusanali may be more of a servant to the people, whereas the old archon was more of a traditional religious figure. 

ok this one is wayyy more loose than the rest but. 

what the fuck is the little ball of light that Kusanali is handling in that video ? 

C1. well, its a little ball of light ! my immediate thought was, “could this signify the sun ?” it doesnt seem too far off since thats literally what shes talking about in that part. i know she says “the real sun is long gone” but the glowing ball could be a metaphor for her “handling the original archon”. as for what this could mean ? no fucking clue. 

SUMERU’S BIG FIRE EXTRAVAGANZA

D1. here is my absolute favorite theory about whats going on in that goddamned tree. (not my theory but i agree with it, i forgot where i got it from tho) you know how you can set dendro slimes on fire to lure them out of the ground ? yeahhhh uhhh. what if the real dendro archon is inside that tree and dottore is trying to get them out ? 

D2. no matter what the point of setting the tree on fire is for, its definitely something important because Dottore Prime is out there doing it so like. you go girlie !!

okay thats just about it, please tell me if i missed anything or made any mistakes and i am more than happy to have discussions about anything on here <3 

[marauders-venting]

This Love

pairing: wolfstar (remus x sirius)

genre: fluff & angst

warnings: mentions of drowning, child abuse, physical abuse, death/murder, war, grief and guilt

words: 3679

note: based on the song ‘This Love’ by Taylor Swift

a/n: this is a request I got from someone on Instagram :)

okay I know that sirius ran away from home at 16 and they’re not supposed to use magic outside of Hogwarts until their 17 but uhhh idk just pretend that sirius ran away at 17. or that they can do magic at 16, whatever you prefer

Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in and I could go on and on, on and on, and I will. Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again and you were just gone and gone, gone and gone. In silent screams, in wildest dreams I never dreamed of this

“Hey,” Remus said, waving as he saw Sirius approaching. His nervous expression rearranged itself into a smile when he saw Remus.

“Remus!” Sirius said, rushing towards him and hugging him. The embrace is quick and short, Sirius pulling back as quickly as he came in, but it’s enough to make Remus’ heart pound ridiculously fast in his chest. “I’d ask you how your summer’s been but I guess I already know,” Sirius added with a laugh. Remus smiled. They had been exchanging letters back and forth all summer long. Not that they didn’t usually write to each other over breaks but Remus was pretty sure this summer they had broken the world record for most letters sent in a month.

Remus had planned on using this time away from Sirius to try and get over his crush but the second he saw Sirius walking around the beach he knew he had failed. If anything, being away from Sirius, missing him, had only made Remus’ feelings of longing more intense.

“Come on, let’s sit,” Remus said. He had already spread a towel out on the sand near the water before when he was waiting for Sirius and they sat on it now. “How’d you manage to get away in the end?”

“I just snuck out the window,” Sirius said, shrugging. “And then I took a taxi like you taught me and I used the muggle money you sent me. I will pay you back for that by the way.”

“Don’t bother,” Remus said. “Think of it as me paying you back for all the chocolate you bought me on the last Hogsmeade visit at the end of last year. Nobody knows you’re gone?”

“Nah, they’re not expecting me down for dinner anyway so it’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Remus asked nervously.

“Yeah,” Sirius said. Remus wasn’t convinced. “Hey, come on, don’t worry about them. We’re here now, let’s enjoy it.” Sirius flopped back on the towel, lying on his back, arms stretched up above his head, shirt riding up and revealing a strip of skin above the waistband of his pants that Remus was actively trying to avoid staring at. Sirius was right. They had discussed this all summer, planning exactly how they would make it work. He wouldn’t ruin it by worrying now that they were finally here.

“Yeah, okay,” Remus said, smiling. And lying down next to Sirius. He looked up at the sky. It was a brilliant orange now, the rays of the setting sun giving it the colour. “You feel like going for a swim?”

“Okay,” Sirius said, grinning. They raced into the ocean, spraying each other water so they were soaked before they even got in past their knees. Remus kept going deeper until only his head was above water.

“Come on, Moony, that’s not fair, I can’t stand here,” Sirius complained, treading water beside him.

“Then swim,” Remus replied.

“Swimming is the one thing that I’m not the best at,” Sirius admitted grudgingly.

“What, all that old family money and your parents never paid for swimming lessons?” Remus teased but he followed Sirius back to the shallows.

“I think they were hoping I’d just drown actually,” Sirius said once he could stand. “I wonder why Reg never got any swimming lessons though. Well, it’ll be on their conscience if he ever drowns. If they even have a conscience, that is.”

“What if you drown?”

“Oh, it definitely wouldn’t be a weight on their conscience. They’d probably pat themselves on the back and go ‘see, this is what happens to gay, Gryffindor, blood traitors.”

“That’s… really fucked up,” Remus said. Sirius shrugged and submerged his head in the water. When he came back up, Remus splashed him in the face, starting a short water fight that Remus had clearly won (no matter what Sirius said).

They didn’t stay in the ocean much longer because the lower the sun sank, the colder the water got. They got out of the water, dried themselves with their wands and then sat back down on their beach towel. The blue water was crystal clear and above it, the sky now looked pink. It was a beautiful sight. But Remus was watching Sirius’ face instead. His wind-swept hair, blue-grey eyes squinting at the setting sun, rays of orange light giving his skin a golden look. Remus’ heart was beating loudly in his ears.

“What?” Sirius asked when he noticed Remus’ staring. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Normally this would be the point where Remus would look away hurriedly, his face burning, claiming that he wasn’t looking at Sirius and joking that he should deflate his ego because not everything was about him. And maybe it was the way Sirius looked today, different from what Remus was used to, in a different setting or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t seen Sirius in weeks and his resolve had weakened, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away today.

“Moony,” Sirius said. Remus’ heart skipped a beat. “What? Is it my hair?” Sirius’ hand reached up into his hair and ran his fingers through it. It looked both messier and neater somehow. Remus didn’t understand it. Remus would never admit it out loud, not after the number of times he had teased Sirius about it, but Sirius’ hair was every bit as perfect as his arrogant ass claimed it was.

“It’s you,” Remus said, without thinking. “Just… all of you.” Sirius looked at him, eyes wide.

“W-What do you mean?”

“I—” Remus started, when suddenly it hit him what he was about to do. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was going to tell Sirius. He was actually going to do it. “Nevermind,” he mumbles, looking away and blushing as he should’ve done a minute ago when Sirius had caught him staring in the first place.

“What? No, come on, Remus, just tell me,” Sirius teased. Remus shrugged. Sirius turned around so he was facing Remus.

“Remus,” he said, “whatever it is you can tell me. I’m here for you, no matter what.” Remus hesitated.

“Promise you won’t hate me?” he said. He felt stupid asking the question because even if Sirius did promise, it wasn’t a binding contract. Sirius couldn’t control his hatred. Nobody could.

“I promise,” Sirius said. “I could never hate you, Remus.” He looked genuine but Remus knew better than to believe it was true. Promises are broken more often than they’re kept. But not with Sirius, he thinks. Sirius has never broken a promise he made to Remus. Not once. Well, he’s about to, said a voice in his head. Remus tried to ignore that voice as he spoke.

“Okay,” Remus let out a shaky breath. “Okay. I… I like you, Sirius. Like, um, a lot.” Sirius remained silent for a moment.

“I like you too, Rem,” he said quietly. Remus felt his chest burn.

“You don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. Because Sirius couldn’t… he couldn’t possibly… But his thoughts are interrupted when Sirius speaks again

“Oh, I think I do,” Sirius said. Remus opened his mouth to reply but Sirius got there first. “Can… can I kiss you?” Remus closed his mouth.

“W-What?” he stuttered, his brain taking several moments to process what Sirius had just said to him.

“We don’t have to,” Sirius said hurriedly. “I was only—” But Remus cut him off by pressing their lips together. In a rush of adrenaline, fear and excitement he ignores the voice in his head saying this is a bad idea, that he misunderstood something, that this isn’t really what Sirius wants and instead he listens to Sirius. He hears Sirius’ voice echoing inside his head. Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Yes, you bloody well can. This is all Remus has wanted, what he’s been dreaming about for months. But not even in his wildest dreams could he have imagined what it would be like to really kiss Sirius. To have Sirius kiss him back. To thread his fingers in Sirius’ hair and feel Sirius’ hands pressing into his back, holding him close. And with all of Remus’ expansive vocabulary, he couldn’t think of a single word to describe this feeling that could even come close to how extraordinary it is. All he could think was Sirius. Sirius is touching me. Sirius is holding me. Sirius is kissing me.

When they break apart, they’re both breathless. Remus can’t think straight. Everything in his brain is one big mess.

“You— I— we just…” Remus has seemingly forgotten how to speak. And the grin on Sirius’ face is definitely not helping.

“Told you I understand,” Sirius said, taking Remus’ hand in his.

“You actually… like me?” Remus asked, bewildered.

“Um, yeah,” Sirius said, laughing as if it had been obvious. “For, like, a really long time.”

“I– why didn’t you say anything?” Remus asked.

“I could ask you the same,” Sirius said, shrugging. “But I don’t think it matters much. What matters is that I like you and you like me and…”

“And?” Remus prompted. Sirius looked him in the eyes and bit his lip.

“And I’d like to, um… take you out. On a date. Sometime. If that’s something that you might be interested in?” He said it like a question, looking nervous up at him.

“Yeah, I– of course, I–I’d love to go on a date with you,” Remus said. He could feel himself blushing. God, he was so awkward. Sirius cupped his cheeks with his hand, leaning towards closer again, ghosting his lips on Remus’.

“Your face is warm,” he said, his lips brushing against Remus’ mouth as he spoke, which only made Remus blush harder.

“Well no fucking shit,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. And then he kissed Sirius properly, fitting their mouths together like it was the most natural thing in the world.

When the sun had gone down, they finally left the beach, each going back to his own home. Remus hadn’t known how badly Sirius would be punished for sneaking out the following day; if he had he might have never agreed to it. Or might have told Sirius not to go home.

It was that summer that Sirius finally decided to run away from home for good. Remus couldn’t help but feel guilty no matter how many times Sirius told him that he would have done it anyway. Besides, meeting at the beach was Sirius’ idea, not Remus’. But Remus couldn’t forget the moment he finally understood just how terrible things had been at the Black household.

He remembered going over to the Potter’s house after getting a letter from James saying that Sirius was staying with him. He remembered being horrified when he saw Sirius’. Bruised and scarred from the blows that his own parents struck and curses that they fired at him. That night he cradled Sirius, holding him close and promising that he would take care of Sirius, that Sirius was safe with him. He told Sirius that he loved him and that he always will. It had never occurred to him that maybe Sirius wouldn’t say the same about him.

Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone new and I could go on and on, on and on. Lantern, burning, flickered in the night, only you but you were still gone, gone, gone

Everything had changed in a single night. In a single night, he had lost Lily, James and Peter. He’d lost Sirius too but not in the same way. He’d lost them all because of Sirius. Sirius had killed them. And in doing so, Sirius had been lost as well. He hadn’t died but Remus counted him with the losses. He might as well have died. He’s dead to me, Remus thinks, he doesn’t matter. He killed them. He killed them all. It was all him. The man that he knew had died. Remus had wondered how long ago it had happened.

He had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep from fear of the war, images of everyone he had lost, turning to Sirius for comfort. To someone he thought loved him. But this was someone else. Someone new. This wasn’t the boy he’d fallen in love with.

Remus remembered laying in bed the night before everything had gone to hell. It felt like a million years ago, but he remembered it all the same. He remembered how Sirius hadn’t spoken to him in the weeks before. He remembered devising a plan to find out if Sirius still loved him. Because that’s what he did best. At school, he devised plans for pranks. After school, he helped devise plans for the Order. He was good at planning ahead. So he made a plan. Because he couldn’t go on living in the same apartment as Sirius, sleeping in the same bed without exchanging a word, not knowing whether Sirius still reciprocated his feelings. His plan kept him sane. But his plan had failed. Or maybe it had succeeded. It just hadn’t given him the results he’d been hoping for. Because when he got into bed that night, he waited long enough that Sirius would think he was asleep. Then he turned towards Sirius and brushed his fingers on Sirius’ back. And Sirius got up and walked away. And just like that, the last flame of hope Remus had left flicked out.

Remus remembered thinking that Sirius had fallen out of love. But maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he had simply never loved Remus in the first place. Maybe this wasn’t someone new at all. Maybe this person, this murderer, was in fact the very same boy he’d fallen in love with all those years ago. Maybe this was all part of some sick scheme. Maybe Sirius had hated him all along. Sirius had promised he would never hate Remus. But what is a promise, really? Promises are made to be broken. Remus had to learn that time and time again. He should just stop believing people when they make promises. He wouldn’t believe anymore, he told himself. He promised himself. There was nobody left to believe. Nobody left to promise him anything anyway. Sirius was gone. They were all gone, all his friends. And they’re never coming back.

Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave. Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees.

Remus’ world is on fire. Everything has burned the ground and he’s left to scrape away the ashes and try to find something he can put back together. Alone.

He can still feel the sting of Sirius’ lips against his cheek. He can still remember Sirius’ easy smile, his light-hearted laughter ringing through the walls of the room that Remus is in right now. But then he blinks again and now he’s seeing Sirius’ face on a ‘wanted’ poster for the first time. He doesn’t remember how he found the poster that night. It’s not important anyway. All he remembers is the feeling of looking down and seeing a photo of the love of his life behind bars, arrested for the murder of his three best friends. He remembers collapsing. Literally, falling to his knees as quickly as the tears fell down his cheeks. He remembers crying, sobbing, screaming out. 

He remembers thinking of every happy moment he’d ever had with his friends, with his boyfriend. He’d never make any more memories like that. He had felt empty that day. Hollow. That feeling still hasn’t gone away. Remus feels like a ghost. A ghost of the memories from before this all happened. He haunts himself. But Remus is not a ghost. He’s the only one still left alive. He’d rather be a ghost right now. He’d rather be dead. At least then he wouldn’t feel this pain. At least then he wouldn’t feel like he’s been pulled apart. Nobody can glue him back together now. There’s nobody left alive that would try. There’s nobody left alive, period. Nobody but him.

This love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me, oh, oh, oh. This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark, oh, oh, oh. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me, oh, oh, oh

Sirius has been staying at Remus’ apartment for a couple of days now, sleeping on the couch in Remus’ living room. It’s been weeks since that night he found out the truth. The night he nearly killed everybody he cared about. The few still left alive. The night he saw Sirius again for the first time in twelve years. It’s been weeks but Remus can’t figure out how he feels about Sirius after everything they’ve been through. On one hand, Remus can’t believe how unbelievably lucky he is to have Sirius back. He can’t believe that Sirius is here. That he’s innocent. And he wants things to go back to how they were. He knows that’s impossible but he wishes it could happen.

But on the other hand, there are still so many complications, so many questions. Is being together wise? Is it advisable? Is it responsible? Even if Sirius wasn’t still a wanted criminal, would they be able to repair their relationship? To pick up their shattered love and piece it back together? They’d been through so much together and so much apart. Remus isn’t the same person he was 12 years ago and neither is Sirius. Does Sirius even still love him? Does he still love Sirius, after everything? He buried those feelings deep, deep down inside him on the night of Sirius’ arrest. Are they still there? Do they still exist, locked somewhere in the depths of his heart? Remus is sure they do. What else could be squeezing in his chest every time he looks at Sirius? It’s like a game of tug-a-war in his mind, back and forth. This love is good, this love is bad.

All this is why, right now, when Sirius is saying that they need to talk and they’re seated in the living room side by side on the couch, Remus feels like words are failing him. He’s disappeared into his own head until Sirius’ words snap him out of it, his voice ringing in Remus’ head.

“Remus?”

“Yeah?” he says, sounding dazed.

“I–I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you, Remus, I promise.” His eyes pleaded with Remus to believe him. Remus had promised himself that he would never believe people when they make promises. But here he was, believing again. Never believe a promise, even when you’re the one making the promise to yourself. Especially when you make the promise to yourself.

“I—” Sirius starts again, seeing that Remus doesn’t know what to say. He closes his eyes and takes a breath before continuing. “I still love you, Remus. And I understand if you don’t feel the same anymore, really I get it. But I just thought you should know. I’ll always love you.” Remus can barely breathe. Sirius still loves him. This is a bad idea, says a voice in his head. Fuck good and bad. Remus doesn’t care. The important this is that this love is fucking alive. It died. And now it’s back. Back from the dead. Sirius is back. He came back to me, Remus thinks. He’s innocent. He came back and now he’s telling me he still loves me. Sirius is here. Remus desperately wants this to be real. He wants them to be real again.

Sirius’ love left a permanent mark on Remus. Not like his scars. This is something different. More like a tattoo. Something that he’d chosen at first and couldn’t get rid of later. In all the years that Sirius had been in Azkaban, in all the years Remus had willed himself to forget Sirius, to hate him, the tattoo had never faded. And now that Sirius is back, Remus doesn’t have to want it to fade. So in a lapse of judgement, he kisses Sirius. He kisses Sirius and that tiny flame that had flickered out all those years ago is back. Remus feels it fill him up as Sirius kisses him back, hands in hair, arms around waists, fingertips on bare skin. And when they break apart, Remus still feels the warmth of Sirius’ body against his.

“I missed you so much,” Sirius murmurs against his lips and Remus feels like he’s back on that beach the first time he kissed Sirius.

“I missed you too,” Remus says, a tear trickling down his face.

“Really?” Sirius asks, pulling away to look at Remus with his eyebrows raised. “But you thought I was a murderer?”

“I know,” Remus says. “I didn’t want to miss you. But I did. I couldn’t help it. I wanted you back.”

“I’m back now,” Sirius says, hugging Remus tightly. “I’m back and I’m never leaving. And I’m all yours, love.”

“I never stopped loving you,” Remus whispers in his ear, tears spilling from his eyes even though they’re squeezed shut. “I hated myself for it. But I loved you every day you were locked in that cell. And I still love you now.”

“I love you too,” Sirius whispers back.

It’s the only light in this crushing, suffocating darkness of death and war and grief and guilt. That flame, his and Sirius’ love, glows amidst the dark. And it’s what keeps Remus going. And this time, Remus will never let go of Sirius.

[someonedm]

It was an inconvenience, really. Jane didn't want to be here, and neither did I. She had all her friends to be with, chatting and quacking about things I had nothing to do with. And I had... my alone time, I guess. Sweet, quiet, alone time.

But things didn't go out as planned. Jane got suspended, for being a bitch, and when school said she couldn't go to the field trip, she called her rich parents who got it all sorted out. But room arrangements were already made, which landed her right here, with me.

I suppose we both made the best out of it. She spent her time with her girls, while I had a blast going through social media. But, when bedtime finally arrived, we couldn't avoid it. We have to stay together in the same room.

She steps out of the shower, her wet hair dripping drops of water onto the floor. She turns to me with annoyance. "What are you looking at?"

I hadn't noticed I was staring at her until her remark, and it caught me off by surprise. "Oh. I just-yeah." I got in the shower. "Good thing you are finally washing, don't know if I could sleep with you stinking out the room." She said it so incidentally, not caring about if it'd hurt me or not. The kind of effort someone puts in a "congrats" message in a group chat.

Coming out of the shower, I find her still standing there, looking at her own reflection in the mirror. Seeing me, she swiftly turned to her toothbrush, trying to hide the self-absorbance this entails.

Her eyes, reflecting from the mirror, look tired. Her skin is dotted with little imperfections. Her mouth, which I was so used to see lie on a self-assured smirk, was curved down. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and we could both see her.

Perhaps she was thinking of another insult, perhaps she didn't mind my blank stare, but I noticed her relentlessness as she offered me a moisturizing cream. "You want some?"

"no, thanks."

She went back to her bed silently. She was no longer wearing her popular girl persona. We were both tired and just wanted to sleep.

After finishing my prep up, I too went back to my bed. I stretched my arm into my bag, fishing out a flask. I waved the flask in front of jane. "You want some?"

"Where'd you got this?" She laughed, reaching out her hand to take the flask.

"Stole it from my mom's cabin."

She gave it to me back. "Won't she be pissed at you?"

I gulped some of the scotch. "No way. She must've noticed it was gone as soon as I left. If she cared for me I would have heard from her way too long ago."

"Aaah." She yelped. "Sorry for asking".

"First time?" I asked with a full grin, unable to hide my satisfaction with the situation.

"You think?"

"You goody two shoes got yourself detained recently, so I don't know what to think."

"Hell nah. The first time was eighth grade. My ex's brother organized a party and snuck in booze. They said they would have got me with them, cause I looked a lot older than I was. I think that that sentence was why I took that first glass." She sighed, and I knew she has something weighing on her, but she stopped herself from speaking. "What about you?"

"My mom thinks that my first time was when she gave me, after he- after he- uhhh... yeah. It was a bad night for her, and she couldn't give any shit. I had to act like it was all new to me, as if I hadn't had one of those after other nights. I am not a great actress, but I did have a drunk and tired audience." I looked up to her, and noticed she too had a hard time looking in my eyes. "Forget about me. What about your party? Your ex??" I raised my eyebrows repeatedly, and it got a chuckle out of her.

"I'd rather not talk about him." She smiled, though it was a sad smile. "But since we are discussing firsts... well, me and Tyler. Homecoming party."

"Tyler, huh? never thought he was your type!"

"What do you think my type is?" she asked, intrigued by my statement.

"I thought you liked your boys strong and sassy. The kind of jock smart enough so you won't have to actually tutor him during your 'study sessions'. Not some theater student exchange kid!"

I laughed, but she didn't seem to like it. "Do you really think of me like that? That I'm that basic?"

I looked her in the eyes. Even after knowing how she looked without her makeup, she seemed so tired. The kind of tired that stems from frustration, rather than lack of sleep. Jane cared a lot about how people think of her, even if those people were outcasts like me. "If you want me to be sincere" she nodded. "Yes."

Her soft smile faded. "I guess I should go to sleep, then."

"Wait, I am sorry. Why don't you tell me about Tyler?"

"Okay, but, I can't promise to be awake to finish."

"Consider me an elephant. I am all ears." I gestured with my hands curved, extending my ears.

"He is smart, and funny, and kind - I thought he was kind. He helped me learn for history, and we actually did study, unlike what you were guessing. He said how he missed his friends at home, and I thought it was really sweet. I felt safe with him, that he cared for me. I think he did - I wasn't just a popular girl to achieve. He made it clear, romantic gesture after romantic gesture, and when homecoming came I offered him myself. And it was all great going forward, up until Christmas break. He finally had a chance to go back home and insisted I'd stay home with my family. He ghosted me all that time, including a week after he got back. Then he confronted me. Apparently, he was having a long-distance relationship with whom I thought was his ex, and they had sex when he came back for his visit. Said he loved me but that she won't let him be with me.

So I got a little basic, and invited one of the jocks to have rebound sex in his car. While his girlfriend was over."

I chuckled. "I am sorry. What you went through is terrible. But god damn is that a good way to get back at someone, you magnificent bastard."

"I am glad I am amusing you." I couldn't decipher the look on her face, resting for a split second, before turning back to gossip. "So, who's your first?"

"I had a first- yeah uh I definitely had one."

A malicious smile sneaked onto her face. "No, you didn't."

I held the palm of my hand at the back of my head and looked down in shame. "No, I didn't."

A familiar sense of vanity came from her. "Doesn't matter. Who'd you kissed?"

I wanted to lie, but instead, I hid my face in the palms of my hands, hiding from her glare. "I uh - I hadn't kissed anyone yet."

"Well, that's such a shame! I bet many boys like you. You just don't notice them, that's all."

This comment, coming from her, caught me off by surprise. I had anticipated some sassy, if not outright a bit mean remark. "Really? You think that? Cause you kinda sound like my mom."

I guess I shook her a bit too, cause the sass was quick to come. "I'm sure of it. You know how boys are - they lust after anyone they think they have a chance with."

"Ahh, there it is. Should I take it as a compliment?" I smiled softly. "Cause I'm not hurt."

Her eyes widened for a moment. "No I- I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it like that - Ugh, nevermind." She rubbed her eyes. It was late. "If you want me to, I can help you get any boy you'd like. Who you've got your eyes on?"

I was starting to feel uncomfortable, but I couldn't tell what about this innocent question was so jarring. "I don't know. I never thought about it."

She leaned forward on her bed. "Tell me your type, then, since we already talked about mine."

"You must guess first."

She looked me deep in the eyes, assesing how I looked. She then turned her head to the flask. I imagine she was going through what I've told her, trying to make a sense of me.

"You like shy artsy boys that keep to themselves. You get tired of the enthusiazm of other people, even if it's about things you like, so it's nice having someone who's more quiet, like you. But you also want him to be more emotional than you, cause if it was left up to you, you'd be scared of the relationship falling apart. Did I get it right?"

Her description felt off. It wasn't insulting or arrogant, and I couldn't tell what exactly was incorrect, but it felt wrong.

"I... I don't know." I knew what I wanted to say, and it made me anxious. I could feel the saliva getting stuck in my throat. "I like someone who's sarcastic and witty, and doesn't open up, so when they finally talk earnestly it feels like winning a prize. Someone who cares so much about how other people see them, that they take off their hand crafted mask just for you, and seeing them that way, they are only ever more beautiful."

My gaze drifted away from her as I spoke, and I couldn't bare to see how she had reacted.

"I am tired." Her voice finally broke the silence.

"Me too. I don't want to stop talking to you."

"Me too."

The vision of that flask felt burned in my memory as I thought about reaching out and taking another sip. I couldn't sleep, and perhaps more alcohol in my blood stream meant stopping to think. I couldn't stopped thinking, and it paralized me. Images ran in my mind, thoughts and ideas being intrusive, and I had no help in silencing them.

The steady rhythm of her breath calmed me down, but as I focused on it the intrusive thoughts only grew.

"Hey." Her voice was quite, almost a whisper.

"Can't sleep?" I answered, with the same crooked tone.

"No."

Her breath is still slow and calm, but I can feel my own heart pounding faster. I wonder if she can hear it beat from beyond my skin.

"When you talked about the type of person you like.

You weren't talking about a boy, right?"

I turned my head to face the wall, watching the creaks, trying to make them absorb my thoughts and visions. I knew she would hate me for it, and the thought of being honest made breathing almost impossible.

"No."

I listened the rumble of her bed sheets, and her light steps on the floor, and my squeaking bed as she set on its other edge. Tears filled my eyes and I swallowed the saliva down my throat.

"Was it about me?"

I rose up on my end of the bed, looking at her being the most difficult thing I have ever done. I couldn't see her clearly through my tears, but I knew she was absolutely beautiful.

"Yes."

She reached out her soft hands around the back of my head, leaning closer and kissing me.

I was surprised and uncomfortable but I loved every moment her tender lips touched mine.

I parted away, breathing heavily as I only now felt relieved. I sounded like a wailing baby, and I must have looked like one when I wiped off my tears that continued to come.

She sat there, holding herself. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable... I didn't..."

I braced her as hard as I could. We kissed again, now calm between each other's arms, trading our air between our body and stopping only when we had to. We cherished each other's beauty, finding comfort in each other's eyes.

She laid her head on my lap, and I caressed her hair. "I don't want to leave you."

"Me neither." I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I want to hold you until dawn. But the bed is too small."

She woke up and went to bed, and it dawned on me how tired I am. As we both lay in our separate cushions, she lends her hand towards mine, and I hold hers.