#uhhh destiel fic

[nyc-pizza-rat]

okay thinking about her

the tree bark at his back scratches him as he shifts. there are bruises on his skin that sting. he feels the slide of blood at his temple, unsettling and unfamiliar, even after all these years. castiel looks down at his hands, a little calloused, now, and wrinkling, and tries to center himself. there is dirt on his palms, under his fingernails. a small cut on his index finger that is loud and sharp. he curls his fists and tries to reach within himself. the well of his grace has been running low for a while, now, and castiel hasn't been sure of...well, anything.

it's harder to find his dimming grace within, here in purgatory. harder still to coax it to the surface. sweat beads at his brow but castiel keeps his fingers clenched, mumbles to himself in enochian — words to songs of praise and comfort and strength that mean so little now, and yet come to him easy.

there is a thin stream of silver light, and castiel heaves a breath, sinks further into the hollow of the tree. he unclenches his fist, and there are red half-moons carved into his palm. the cut is gone, but there is a scar, still, and castiel cannot stop looking at it. it looks like a thin tear in fabric, like the cracks in between the worlds that let them through. it looks like the beginning of the end.

he rubs his thumb over the scar, feels the slight raise of his skin. his thoughts begin to spin, and all he can focus on is the heat building at the back of his neck, the rushing of blood in his ears. suddenly, then, a ripple within. a breeze by his ear that pull at his core. that compels him to quiet, to listen.

someone, somewhere, is invoking him in prayer.

his grace surges now, easy as it hasn't been in a while, and while it doesn't heal him still, castiel feels more angel than he has in a long time.

Cas, I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late.

castiel sighs, something inside him relaxing. he hadn't even noticed the way his muscles had been pulled taut. hadn't noticed the tendrils of fear creeping into his heart. dean's alive. dean's alive.

I should've stopped you.

castiel swallows. digs his fingers into his thighs. his grace spins out, trying to find the source of the prayer. It's harder than it is on earth, and harder than it should be for an angel of his caliber, but castiel keeps trying.

You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.

castiel wishes dean would stop saying these things. he bites his cheek, listening, following dean's voice. he's always following dean's voice, even when he doesn't want to.

I – Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know – I know that it's – i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just – it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how –

dean breaks, and castiel pauses, stares at the blinking doorway that will lead them back onto earth. back into a battle that they are bound to lose. he thinks about jack, lost forever. about chuck, who cannot be beaten. about the pointlessness of what they are doing, the desperation with which he has been clinging to hope.

— how bad I want to, I just can't stop it.

he wishes he could see dean. there is something solid pressing against the back of his throat, like he has swallowed a rock, like it is blocking the air. his eyes sting. he wishes dean would just — just talk to him.

And — And I — I forgive you. Of course I forgive you.

castiel shakes his head. his wings are more bone than anything else, skeletons he lugs around because he cannot bear to sever them from his trueform. now they twitch, twined with his grace as they are. castiel lets them curl inwards, pretends he can feel them whole, their warmth, the comfort of it.

I'm sorry it took me so long – I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm – I'm so sorry.

castiel forgives him, despite everything. thinks he'd forgiven him long before this, before dean ever thought to ask. he wonders if dean knows that castiel doesn't know how to loathe him, even if he wanted to.

longing surges out to him, the pull of the prayer strengthened by cords of need, of want.

dean thinks he's dead, and he's desperate for him to not be. castiel knows what dean can be like, when he loses those he considers kin, when he's even faced with the prospect of losing them.

Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me.

longing can feel a lot like love.

angels were never meant to decipher the nuances of human emotion, and despite all the time he's spent on earth, even castiel is not all that good at it. so when prayer is made with longing, it can feel a lot like love.

and maybe it is. castiel doesn't know.

it's almost unsettling, the way warmth bleeds into his trueform, as dean finishes praying, as he makes his way closer. castiel tries to reign in his weak grace, pulsing away under his skin. tries to not let himself get carried away.

he looks up at the grey sky, the sunless world he is trapped in. he thinks about the empty. he thinks about his son.

maybe it isn't. human love is so complicated, after all.

somewhere to his right, footsteps. castiel breathes, wills his lungs to loosen, his heart to slow. he pulls the leviathan blossom out of his coat pocket. all that fighting and the fidgeting has smushed it a little. he rubs a thumb over one of its strange petals, and puts it back in his coat.

dean is getting closer. castiel can hear him breathing now. can hear the way his heart races.

he gathers himself and pushes out of the hollow of the tree. straightens a little.

"dean," he calls. he sounds tired, even to his own ears. human. god. "you made it."

[pansexualeldtritchhchaos]

So I've never watched supernatural in my life but somehow I've ended up reading Destiel finale fix it fics every night in the lead up to my exams cause I'm so stressed and uhhh just wanted to scream into the void and see if anyone else is in here in this fandom cause I think I'm fucked

[aerialworms]

20 questions with a Fanfic Author

Thank you for the tag, @tigereyes45!!

1.How many works on Ao3?

18 total! 16 fics and 2 fanarts - I tend to upload fanart for events/other fics to my art-only pseud but uhhhh completely forget to do anything with the other art lol

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

49,700! Very pleased that it's a whole number, and I'm 300 away from novel-length! Some of that is image descriptions for the fanart (I can't figure out how to filter out my art pseud 😅)

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

Autumn Brings A Change (Merlin (TV)) (1,002 words, 630 kudos)

“Get away from me, Merlin!”   “Arthur, please! Just trust me! Please!”

Arthur crawled backward, dragging his leg over the ground, sword raised to point at Merlin. “How can I trust you? You lied to me, for years, about everything!”

Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic in the middle of a battle, but once it's over, he can't threaten or get away from Merlin due to a broken leg...

2. After All This Time (Merlin (TV)) (2,661 words, 580 kudos)

"A thousand?” Arthur’s voice took on a steely edge. “What, days? Weeks? You've hardly changed, Merlin, don't exaggerate.”

"Years.” Merlin gasped. He pushed himself back to stare at Arthur, to run his hands through his damp hair, keep his eyes fixed on Arthur's shocked face, as though he was just a trick of the light that would disappear as soon as Merlin looked away.

"Years." Arthur said, flatly.

"Y-yeah." Merlin's teeth began to chatter. "A thousand, five hundred, and-" a particularly violent shiver ran through him and he stumbled on the muddy lake-bed, but Arthur caught his arm and steadied him again.

"Alright, Merlin, let's get out of the water before we both freeze to death."

Merlin has waited by the lake for more than a thousand years. Finally, his patience is rewarded.

3. Five Times John and Sherlock Slept Together and One Time They 'Slept' Together ;) (Sherlock (TV)) (9,830 words, 318 kudos)

Five times John and Sherlock slept innocently together due to various circumstances and one time they *wink wink nudge nudge* slept together. Contains a bit of pining, a bit of misunderstanding, and a happy ending, if ya know what I mean... ;)

4. Watching Over You (Supernatural (TV 2005)) (12,986 words, 261 kudos)

Time slips past, and Castiel feels calm settle over him for the first time in months. He loses himself in the rise and fall of Dean’s chest, the soft flickering of his eyelids as he dreams. Against all odds, he finds it peaceful here. Cars rush past on the freeway outside, but Dean’s steady breathing fills Castiel’s ears until he forgets the outside world, forgets Dean’s destiny, forgets their impending doom.

How Cas learned to want, and then realized he could have what he wants.

Or; Five times Cas watches over Dean, and one time Dean watches over him instead. Told in snapshots spanning the whole of their canon relationship and ending with a post-confession fix-it.

5. Three Things Crowley Can Do With His Tongue (Good Omens (TV)) (1,048 words, 248 kudos)

A Nice and Accurate Account of the three ways the demon Crowley – a wily old Serpent – uses his tongue.

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I'm writing a lot of Star Trek TOS fic! I also have several Supernatural fics in the works, plus a couple of Merlins and a Jeeves and Wooster. When I say 'write', it takes me a long long while to edit and publish, so uhhh. don't expect to see those any time soon...

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I love getting and responding to comments, I am inclined to chat once someone shows interest in chatting! I sometimes forget to reply for ages due to the ol' ADHD brain, but I will always respond eventually, I promise!

6. Angstiest Ending?

That's gotta be one of my 2021 Whumptober fills. (Three 500 word fics, all SPN and Dean-centric with light Destiel flavouring) Probably the angstiest ending of the three would be Beaten. Mind the content warnings! I don't tend to write sad endings so that was a fun challenge for me!

(Oh wait actually I forgot about Hold Me Tight, which is a little missing scene from SPN 9.06 Heaven Can't Wait where Dean and Cas share a bed and Dean Makes It Weird. Possibly angstier than the whump fics?)

7. Fic with the happiest ending?

It's gotta be Watching Over You. I second-guessed myself so much writing that last chapter because I felt it was incredibly self-indulgent and too over-the-top fluffy, but on rereading it, y'know what? It's good, it's not even that schmoopy, and they deserve to be goddamn happy!

8. Do you get hate?

Not specifically. I did once get some random jerk posting a bunch of racist shit in my comments at one point but it wasn't really targeted at me as an individual, just a troll being a dick. Blocked and reported them!

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. I don't have much published (Except that Johnlock fic, which is ages old and not a good example of my current smut-writing skills adsfgh) but someday... when I get out of editing hell....

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! I love taking the blorbos and smushing them together and seeing how they'd fit in each other's universes! Again, none published (yet) but several written/partially written. When I finally edit those Trek/SPN fics...

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge! Hopefully not. I only post my work to my ao3 and sometimes crosspost to my tumblr (this one!) so if anyone ever sees my work somewhere else, please let me know! I don't allow reposts.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I have had one podficced! @carboncopies podficced my Good Omens fic Three Things Crowley Can Do With His Tongue, which I'm still incredibly pleased with!!! Such an honour :D

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

I have participated in some round robins but they never really went anywhere, unfortunately :( I really enjoy a round robin!

14. All time favorite ship?

How dare you make me choose. No comment.

(Contenders for the throne: McSpirk, Destiel, Holmes/Watson, Jeeves/Wooster, Leverage OT3 - there are many more I adore/have loved, but these are the longest running/ones that make my brain go brrr the most. Why pick one when you can have many??)

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have. so many. Specifically, I'd love to someday write/finish the Destiel idea I had where Dean tries to bring Cas back post-Despair and the Empty switches his Cas with a Cas from a universe where they got together years before. I think it was just a bit too convoluted and confusing for me to plot, and I never really thought of a plot beyond some specific scenes I wanted to happen :( If anyone wants to take that idea and write something with it, they're more than welcome (but please let me know, I wanna read it!!)

16. Writing strengths?

I think I'm good at capturing characters' voices. I also think I'm good at comedy, at least when it comes to comics and one-off jokes.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Second-guessing myself. That's the main reason it takes me so long to finish/edit works, because I get so mired in the 'is this even good' trenches that I either abandon stuff or edit it to death and end up hating it :( It's something I'm working on, though!

Other than that, I use way too many commas and hyphens 😅 and I've noticed recently that I'm telling more than I'm showing in a lot of my WIPs, so that's something I'm gonna work on too. (Obvs both are good as necessary, but I'd like to tip the balance more to showing)

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I really enjoy it, especially if translations are provided (but I don't mind looking it up!) I actually really love language barriers as a trope, so it makes it extra fun if I as the reader also don't know what the characters are saying. My Merlin/SPN crossover WIP has this trope, but I don't know if I'm going to go the whole hog and translate Arthur's dialogue into Old English (it would be cool, but I don't know where to start!)

While we're on the subject, I have to shout out Amāyō Juwes, or: A Paleolithic Love Story by @hopelessheathen - one of the absolute best Destiel fics I've ever read, and I love how they incorporated the language barrier and translations into the fic. It's been living rent-free in my head for years, alongside their other fic Scents of an Empire, which doesn't have mixed language dialogue but does have a language barrier.

I may be going off-topic but I love this trope! I'd love to read more mixed language stuff, not necessarily with language barrier.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

BBC Sherlock - Johnlock. My best friend got me into the show in 2013, during the s2-3 hiatus, and got me into tumblr too! That's how I got into fandom and fanfic as a whole.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Good question! Again, how dare you make me choose. I have a soft spot for all my fics, even the 'cringy' ones from 2013. I like them all for different reasons, so it's difficult to compare!

Out of the ones I've published, I think I'd say Willing Captivity is currently my fave, possibly because McSpirk is my current fave ship.

I'm also still insanely proud/fond of Watching Over You, both for finishing a multichap and for the fun I had with my buddies cheerleading me while writing it (thank you again @stellucis and @veryweary!)

I also really like the experimental style in The Angel in the Woods - I enjoyed writing it a lot!

The most accurate answer is my current WIP, which I am writing entirely for myself and may never see the light of day but I am having so much fun with it!

I honestly forget about my fics after they're published (the amount of times I've forgotten about Hold Me Tight specifically is concerning lmao) but when I do reread them I always find something I like, even if the majority is no longer to my taste.

----

Tagging @salty-lich-queen, @stellucis, @wonderingphotography, and anyone else who'd like to join in!

[interplanet--janet]

20 questions for fanfiction writers

I saw @fangbangerghoul do this ask game and i thought it looked fun!!!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 21 works!

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

111,335

3) What are your top five fics by kudos?

I knew that A Dog at the Shrine of Lies was going to be first, followed by 2) In the Rich Man's World, 3) Take off my Skin, Cover Me in Yours, 4) Cultural Appreciation, and 5) if only i could, i'd make a deal with god.

4) What fandoms do you write for?

My two biggest fandoms have been Naruto and BG3 - but less so BG3 since Veilguard came out, lol. But I've also written for JJK and The Magnus Archives.

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes!! Or I try to, even if it's just a heart emoji.

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i dont really write much angst anymore (must change that) but im taking this opportunity to share fem durgetash porn. gorty might be happy at the end but he has a big storm comin

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

as someone who has mostly WIPs this is rough.... i guess won't you settle down baby, here your love has been is happy :)

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, except there is one very driven individual who leaves rude comments on every sasuhina fic which is kind of funny. i felt honored lol/

9) Do you write smut?

...........yea. my greatest achievement is my durge/gortash anthology that remains unfinished

10) Do you write crossovers?

No, they're not my thing

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!!

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I used to back in the day (for fandoms that shall not be named. jk it was hetalia) where we'd turn our RP exchanges into fics

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

this is such a hard one. im watching Supernatural again so a current fav is destiel. but Iron Bull/Inquisitor has my heart 5ever

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have two long-form dragon age fics that i really love - Tucked in Moonlight is f/f solavellan (with concept art solas my beloved) that im still obessed with, and the other is Warden-as-Inquisitor AU: Luck is A Funny Thing honorable mention to Forever By My Side, another role swap fic that i will probably never finish

16) What are your writing strengths?

big fan of my descriptions/purple prose, especially in my more recent works

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I get hung up on grammar and point of view, verb tenses, etc. language is hard,

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I use it sparingly and it's often fictional languages like Elvish. It's fun but i love it when people include translations!

19) First fandom you wrote for?

It was probably Naruto. Closely followed by Hetalia. Oh to be 13 again.

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Cultural Appreciation holds a special place in my heart. It was just such a fun concept and took me outside my comfort zone of characters that I don't usually write for.

uhhh i should tag ppl but honestly, if you write fic, i wanna hear about it!!!!

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

20 Questions - Fanfic Writer Edition

I was tagged by both @writer-or-whatever and @jmrothwell so I suppose I better do it 😅 Thanks guys!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 42 (*gasp* am I Miles Morales?)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,265,660 lol

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently just Spider-Man but I used to write for Supernatural and before that Harry Potter. I'm a one obsession at a time kinda girl.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) - 72k spideypool soulmates au

Don't Freak Out - 136k parkner rivals to lovers speedrun

A Peach Like You - 73k parkner featuring autistic!peter, loveatfirstsight!harley, and a cringe self insert as the villain of the week lmao

The Distance Between (You and Me) - 29k parkner bodyguard au

You're Freaking Out - 166k sequel to DFO featuring plot (wow!) and Miles (yay!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

My dudes I try. I know I'm not very consistent and I have a tendency to disappear for months at a time, but I read and cherish each one.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings lol I think the closest I've gotten is Lay Me Down - 8k destiel major character death--lowest kudosed fic out of all 42 lmao

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is an impossible question. I am like the queen of happy endings? You want me to rank them??? Fine, it's You're Freaking Out. Best 10k epilogue in the land. Oh hey also I just noticed it has 997 kudos. May I humbly request 3 more pretty please?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. Closest was when someone complained on one of my destiel fics about the grocery store not having plastic bags and needing a quarter in order to obtain a cart. I specifically remember they said, "I hate when writers do this," and went on to complain about us making up obviously fake stuff that pulls them out of the story. Like, first of all you're complaining about storytellers making stuff up ??? okay. And second, it was an Aldi. A real grocery store. That I didn't make up.

I had to take a day to cool off before I responded and then they were like oh yeah, my roommate told me when I complained to them, you responded to this really nicely though! WHICH folks LET ME TELL YOU made me angrier lol Like you found out you were wrong and didn't even come back to edit/delete/apologize for your comment???

Anyway after that I internalized that you don't know what kind of lived experience your commenters have so some comments should be taken with a grain of salt. Which is a double-edged sword bc sometimes I get really nice enthusiastic comments and read it like, okay but what if this person is 12 and read it at 2am in a fit of delirium and this is their first fic ever and it's actually not as good as they think haha

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I doooo. I haven't published any since I wrote for spn but I have a parkner pwp ready to go as soon as I muster up the nerve.

I have no idea how to interpret the question "what kind" lol uhhh the hot kind? pffft

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have but I never published them. Again, these were for spn which is hella fun to play with merging into other canon. I started but never finished spn crossovers with Firefly, The 100, The Hunger Games, Criminal Minds, Agents of Shield, and Teen Wolf. I think that's all of them. I've been thinking about putting all of my abandoned wips on AO3 for archive purposes, but idk still noodling on it. I wish there way a way I could elect to post without notifying my subscribers :/ Or at least send them a message warning them that I'm about to be incredibly annoying

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 🙃

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! A few now! The ultimate kudo in my opinion, and one I never expected <3

The wonderful @bluettspetal has translated An Insignificant Problem, Undercover? I thought you said under covers..., and Completely and utterly devoid of sex appeal into Russian with plans to translate more.

And Faaayeee42 on AO3 translated Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) to Mandarin Chinese.

I'm forever blown away by this.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Done some brainstorming a few times but nothing that has evolved into actually writing out a shared thing. Not sure I'd be any good at it tbh. I'd probably be a very frustrating writing partner.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Peter Parker/Harley Keener. They're good boys.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

My Infinity War time travel fix it (make it worse) fic 😔 It's got so much potential but it is perpetually at the bottom of the to-do list.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and developing relationships

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

mother fucking action sequences and like, coming up with The Plan (the evil kind and the ones to take down the evil kind)

This silly little graphic I made for You're Freaking Out where Harley mocks The Plan made by the spider dumplin gang was initially one half of my brain negging the other half about being shit at making Plans and I decided that it might as well manifest as the characters lmao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Eh. It's fanfiction, you know? Do what you want. Experiment. Try your best to do it justice. Accept that some people are going to let their eyes blur and skim over it while others will pick it apart but most will exist somewhere in the middle. Just write what you want to write, how you want to write it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

*sigh* Harry Potter. Looking forward to my own post getting gobbled up by my block list lmao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Goodness gracious how do I even decide? I think Peaches Ain't Pretty is my favorite. It's the fic that showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can step outside of fanfiction and write whatever I want and be just as satisfied, if not more.

[samsblades]

HEY BABY IM SENDING IN MULTIPLE FOR THE CHARACTER ASK GAME :D

2, 8, 15, 21, and 24 for sammy

4, 12, 18, and 25 for spencer reid! or if not emily prentiss :))

(also fun fact ive never finished criminal minds LOL i got to the point where derek left and i stopped watching it, i should probably finish it though)

ughh i love you so much and i hope you have a good day!!

YAHOOO HEHEHEHE sorry this post is so very long LOL

character ask game !

SAMMY ! 2. favorite canon thing about this character? .... everything maybe ???? omg how do i choose i love everything about him uhhhhh . he's awkward and so so sweet <3 he learned sign language for eileen, he has beautiful hair, he's sassy, he's a gentle giant, he wants so badly to be good but doesn't think he is T_T and on and on and on and on because everything about him is my favorite

8. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? oh my fucking god do NOT get me started LMAO . blaming him for things he didn't do/couldn't control (usually because dean blames him for it). ignoring how queer coded he is / calling him the straightest character (often in a destiel context). just consistently and aggravatingly misinterpreting / misunderstanding his character and hating on him for their bad and unintelligent takes on him! i could go into lots of detail about that but i won't because then this will be a rant post that will make me so angry :D el oh el

15. what's your favorite ship for this character? (doesn't matter if it's canon or not.) i think samjess heh i'm basic but i'm a huge sucker for them. and definitely definitely saileen!

21. if you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? what's something you don't like? hehehe hmmm i don't have a singular favorite thing, but i love making him call reader "honey." i adore giving him softness and care and so much love and a goddamn break! in general i love writing hurt/comfort with him as well <3 and i love describing his emotions and exploring how i interpret his character through that. as for dislikes i'm not too sure hmm

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? i haven't really watched much since i started spn so i haven't really been watching anything and been like omg! that person reminds me of sam! but i totally see the sam and spence parallels (super smart, autistic coded, younger brother vibes, tall, sweet and awkward etc)!

...

SPENCER & EMILY ! (doing both because i adore em too much not to lol) 4. if you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? spence : huh i've never thought of this before uhhh i'd put him in a studio ghibli film! so he can be the sweet main character but end up with a lovely, poetic, simple life instead of being constantly traumatized by one thing or another LOL i just think he'd make the cutest studio ghibli love interest?? emily : anything with lesbians so she can kiss girls :D HAHAHA or i'd put them all in supernatural for a spn x cm crossover !!! i think that would be way too fun ugh. wanna see her as a vampire also.

12. what's a headcanon you have for this character? spence : he dislikes overhead lighting! it's the autism :] emily : she's lesbian but that's canon to me RAHHH um. that she prefers to listen to music in different languages and really likes finding obscure artists! (but still has her favorite emo grunge stuff that she listened to in middle/high school heh)

18. how about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? spence : him and garcia!! i really really really adore their friendship so so very much <3 and him in luke in later seasons! emily : heh. jemily ??? lesbians ??? okay but i really love her and garcia as well i just love penny so so much

25. what was your first impression of this character? how about now?spence : thought he was very very cute and endearing! i still think that way, but i also love having a more informed and nuance view of him after so many seasons and developments to his character. emily : i thought she was really interesting! i was intrigued by her character and the way she was very forward and didn't back down when there was a misunderstanding about her transfer to the unit. love that she stood up for herself! and wow she's so pretty (didn't know i was gay yet) now it's just RAHHH LESBIANISMMM (i adore everything about her character and again, i just love knowing her better and seeing all sides of her)

[loserchildhotpants]

You know, there isn’t actually *that* many canon verse Destiel Hanahaki fics 🤔? And I’d love love love your take on it ❤️❤️❤️❤️

👀 is that so? 👀 perhaps 👀 then 👀 i ought to uhhh 👀 tap that market huh 👀

[resident-rats]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

Thank you @silvercap for tagging me!!

1. How many works do you have?

18!!

2. What is your Ao3 word count?

176,463

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Basically just Resident Evil at the moment, the only other fandom I’ve written for is BBC Ghosts (quite a big contrast there lol)

4. What are your top 5 fics by Kudos?

• One Bed 284 (Serennedy)

• My Starling 273 (BBC Ghosts)

• What If? 240 (Serennedy)

• Hands-on Approach 231 (Chreon)

• A Much Needed Break 224 (Serennedy)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! Sometimes there’s a bit of a wait, but I try to respond to them all

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think any have an angsty ending?? I definitely planned to have a few, but chickened out lolll. I’d like to write some with an angsty ending though, it’s something I enjoy reading in general

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them probably hdhdhdh, usually my fics all end in similar ways 🥴

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not had any yet (touch wood)

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Almost everything I’ve written contains smut loll. Usually it’s quite feelings oriented/first time sleeping together kinda smut? Though some of it is purely just horny self indulgence 🫡

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

Not written any crossovers!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Uhhh, I don’t know if I have an all time favourite ship?? Usually I just latch onto a few ships in a fandom until I eventually bounce into different one. I mean Destiel will always have a place in my heart, purely bc it’s the first fandom related ship I properly got into??? And how feral I was over it in my early teens lol. But I’ve not read any spn fanfic or really interacted with the community in yearssss so 🤷🏻‍♂️ Right now though my favourite ship is probably Chreon or Metaltango??

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhhh I have Serennedy fic I started writing in May last year that I kinda gave up on lol. It was my very first attempt at writing an RE fic when I first got consumed with the rot™️ The plot was just Luis turning up at Leon’s door in the middle of the night bc people were after him

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write emotions well?? I’ve also been told I describe stuff well!! Which is very kind. People have also said they like my characterisations!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m gonna try and not be too hard on myself lol. I think I reuse a lot of specific phrases and words? I also always tend to end fics in similar ways, which i’d quite like to break out of

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Personally I think it’s quite a commitment if you don’t know the language well, because Google translate can only get you so far. But if you wanna do it then do it 🫡

19. First fandom you wrote for?

BBC Ghosts!! Though I’ve not actually finished the fic

20. Favourite fic you’ve written

Hands-on Approach or Dinner Can Wait, I think?? Maybe Knives Are Faster?? I tend to rank my favourite fics based on how I was doing when I wrote them lol, because I guess they’re kinda associated with whatever I was feeling at the time??

Tagging: @courtofparrots @sleeplesstories @samblerambles and anyone else who wants to do it!!!! Please consider yourself tagged if you’d like to <33 (also no pressure to anyone tagged to do it)

[mangonatural]

Rules: Make a 24 hour poll with the names of your WIPs, let it run, then work for 10 minutes for every vote the winner receives.

Thank you for the tag, @angelcasendgame!!!!! I am not sure I will be able to work on anything very soon just because life came after me again, and turns out I'm gonna be moving over the next month or so, but I really do hope I can find time!!

None of these have names yet lol. I put the SPN ones first, but technically I've been trying to break my writer's block by returning to The Great Gatsby (It's all Nick/Gatsby btw, just realized that might not be immediately evident) with limited success. It's always come easier for me. But all of this is stuff I do actively want to work on.

Ohh I don't know who to tag. I'm sure everyone in this circle has been tagged already, and most of the people I talk to regularly enough to know about their projects have more or less left Tumblr... I do absolutely want to pass this your way though, @antique-ro-man!! (It's Wes, btw!) I also wanna tag @heyfagbutt! And then anyone else who sees this and wants to participate, I also encourage it!! This is such a cool idea :D !!

Long, rambling explanations down here ⬇⬇

I think the name is pretty explanatory? The gist of it is they go after the same guy and become pseudo-enemies but they keep bumping into each other like this and decide to work together after a while 👍 this is a really bad hook LMAO. Anyway, I'm trying to build on the idea that they work REALLY well together when they do it intentionally but fail comically when they don't.

Pretty much what it says on the tin as well. No Supernatural AU. Dean goes to a community college to get a certification to help with his work elsewhere, but Cas, a figure drawing model, catches him drawing (which Dean's been doing on and off as a hobby) and tries to get him to sign up for the arts program.

I technically only have a summary of this, and I'm not entirely sure if I will write it all out, but I do want to at least put more time into the development before I dedicate to giving up on it bc of scope lol. I just have SUCH a soft spot for fake relationship AUs. Also, I just found out that while I have FINALLY aged into independent FAFSA eligibility, I am once again tax bracketed out. Anyway, financial abuse is real and I want to project my suffering onto Dean. Also immigrant Cas, but I haven't decided where I want him to be from yet. I think this has a lot of potential for some pretty hefty character redesigns too so it's also compelling to me from that angle. I guess I could also write it for TGG, but I did initially think of it for Destiel, so.

I don't know how to explain this one very well except that I had unhelpfully written "poolboy au" in my notes and then proceeded to forget what the hell I meant. This fic was an attempt to resurrect that but ended up being a funky modern West Coast re-imagining where Gatsby can't even "make it" as much as he wants to, and Nick can't find a place to live except for a less-than-legally rented pool house. It's not meant to be a full rewrite or anything though.

Uhhh yeah, I'm keeping the details private for this one ahaha but that's just because it wasn't supposed to be a big deal and I told a friend she would see what it was when it was done...like oh god probably a month ago at this point... My original scope for this was quite small, but research for it, indecision, and a nasty case of writer's block that I've had for nearly a year now have kept development a bit slow. Hopefully, I'll finish it before the year comes to a close.

I also don't know how to explain this one well other than "after being rejected by Daisy (Canon Divergent), Gatsby attempts to buy his way into a bewildered Nick's heart. Though the fic is from Nick's POV, Gatsby's just had his worldview shattered and is in a bit of denial, but instead of pursuing Daisy harder, he channels all of that energy into Nick (though he's not really sure why he's doing it at first). I wasn't sure what to put up at the top because I absolutely don't want my code name for this public at least until it's done LMAO.

[squirrelno2]

the emphasis on shipping in fandom culture is so wild to me to consider because like. there are certain things in jatp that I ship very emphatically, but I literally wrote myself into shipping them. when I was writing my first fics in the fandom, I didn’t plan for julie/luke/reggie or flarrie. I expected willex, because the show gave us that and gave me plenty of vibes to go “ok they like each other and would work together in the long term”. but especially with noncanon ships I always find myself stumbling into them as I plan or write a fic. I do sometimes set out to write a romance, but that’s usually when I’ve been in a fandom for a while and know “ok I like these dynamics and have had thoughts about shipping them in previous works, let’s dig into that.” and then I’m always writing like it’s a persuasive essay! like there are people reading who aren’t convinced about the ship, and I have to show my work.

even working with ocs it’s like, “ok I made this guy to be a friend for this character, but also I think that this particular dynamic would probably lead to romance and/or sex” (this thought brought to you by me knowing I haven’t touched my Jesse Lives au in forever) - actually I would say with ocs it’s most important because holy hell nobody is going to be automatically invested in your oc’s romantic or sexual life but you. you have to do a lot of legwork on that one unless your only intent is more of a reader insert vibe where ppl can imagine intimacy with their favourite character, which means they don’t care about your oc so much as they care about being able to project anyway. they already know why they’d be into this canon character. you don’t need to do anything there (which to be clear you do you, that just holds very little appeal for me for various reasons. live your dreams my friends)

and it’s just weird to me that people will write things where. it’s characters who don’t interact much. and then they don’t put any effort into making the reader ship it? they jump straight to “both characters are yearning and have been since they met” because they ship it, and they don’t require buildup, and I’m like “but how did you get here. why does it matter that they’re doing these things for each other.” and a lot of it tends to be a lack of deep characterisation, so it could be any two guys being gay (or. any ship. i’m maybe thinking about Certain Popular Gay Ships in fandom but also calling out baby me’s destiel obsession specifically. it’s fine no judgment but also fandom has a white gay man problem and that is a different post entirely) - and a lot of it also seems to be like. allosexual people (I assume from uhhh sexytime context clues) and definitely alloromantic people thinking that attraction alone is the legwork. like there’s nothing else to prove about a relationship. they like each other, boom, romance.

when you’re writing a romance, you don’t just have to have the characters woo each other (which. as a reader of both fic romance and original, published romances, let me tell you a lot of writers don’t even do that) - you have to make the ship woo the readers. draw us in. prove to us in word and action that these two care, make each other better (or worse, I write some toxic codependent shit too), that there is some reason to want them together and not settle for whatever preexisting dynamic they have. why does it matter that these people are in love? why are these obstacles worth overcoming? what does it add to a non-romance story to have this ship in it?

I would like romances that romance me, damn it

[butchdeanagenda]

Intro

had another account, it got shadowbanned, so uhhh, mostly moving shit over for now

she/they • multi-shipper • ao3 acc will be posted when i finally post smth lol • sam-coded Deangirl most days •

tags navigation

the show -> stills, gifs, clips from the show

the meta -> anything discussing the show

the bts -> anything from or about actors/showrunners/writers

the art -> fanart reblogs

the fic -> creative writing, prose or conversational. both a fic rec list and general reblogs that fit

the poetry -> poetry either explicitly about spn or stuff i think belongs here

the edits -> edits of spn. amv's, tiktoks, web weaving, collages

the vibe -> pics, songs, art n other stuff that reminds me of them <3

the memes -> memes

the originals -> original posts + reblogs from my other accounts

my art/fics/ etc -> my stuff

dw sw cn jk, ja jp mc ac ek ad -> character tags, actor tags showrunner/writer tags. self-explanatory

destiel, wincestiel, sabriel, sastiel etc. -> ship tags

Everything not explicitly sexual between salmondean will be tagged gencest, the rest is wincest

[emistiel]

10 questions for writers

tagged by the great and silly @avspol (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

how many works do you have on ao3? 5 on... this account

what's your total ao3 wordcount? 163,300

what fandoms do you write for? currently only actively working on & publishing an MCU spiderman fic! in the past have written (and not necessarily published) for zelda, spn, james bond, the musketeers, how to train your dragon and others

do you respond to comments? why or why not? yes i reply to all! because i like to acknowledge someone taking the time to say something & sometimes it leads to really lovely exchanges with people ❤️

have you ever had a fic stolen? no thankfully but i think i came close once when several people in my fic writers mutual circle had theirs stolen

have you ever cowritten a fic before? in all but name, yes,,, tho the main one time it was a very stupid chatfic so worked with the format lol. i did also effectively write a whole fic concept start to finish with someone. I'm open to trying properly with someone with a similar style to me maybe? but also uhhh scary xx

what's your all time favourite ship? oh god of all time is impossible surely? in terms of its sheer insanity & long reaching impact though i guess I'd have to say destiel. never gonna be another like it fellas. unmatched media experience

what are your writing strengths? i think i am good at descriptions! i set scenes well particularly by focusing on details. others have complimented me on my characterisation which always makes me blush like a slut like. what

what are your writing weaknesses? oh god being fucking concise I'm ngl sfsgshshvshsf like shut up bitch! hand in hand with that – actually finishing anything 😃🔫 stylistically tho i think my connective material between scenes can be shite and i easily get stuck not knowing how to move forward/link scenes so just have to go with some bs

first fandom you wrote for? properly wrote for was zelda! long long time ago!

i actually don't think im mutuals with any other writers atm LMAO so kinda don't have anyone to tag??? but if anyone is interested, be my guest 😅

[marmolita]

WIP ask game!

Rules: Post the names of the files of your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you asks with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it. If you want, tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I was tagged by @r3zuri ! This is a pile of wips across many fandoms and a decade of time, none of which are actively being worked on but hey, maybe they should be. I excluded things that I started and then decided they were garbage, as well as half formed ideas and completely jossed ideas, and the handful of wips I talked about a lot before but lbr if I haven't gotten to them yet I'm not gonna. So, these are the ones that had some promise that would be fun to finish some day!

post-canon destiel (Supernatural)

supergirl fake sex slave (Supergirl)

Jon/Basira (the Magnus Archives)

Sepe/Jarvy a/b/o (hockey rpf)

2322 (Stargate Atlantis)

Rodney/Elizabeth precanon (Stargate Atlantis)

D/s-verse Enterprise (Star Trek: Enterprise)

Rentboy followup - Octavia (The 100)

girl Ignis brotherhood (FFXV)

wet dreams (FFXV)

girl!Noct/Ravus (FFXV)

Elsa!Miro (hockey rpf)

Seventeen times as high as the moon (orig fic)

also while doing this I found a couple of whole-ass fics I never posted, oops

tagging @notthequiettype @wildehacked uhhh @crosbyism and anyone else who wants to do it! or not, no pressure!

[save-the-garden-gnomes]

And now, for The Literature

But first, some notes:

- in this list I will provide the links to the fics as well as a brief description + any content warnings.

- most of these are extremely NSFW, and I will mark them as such

- please bear in mind that some of these I absolutely DO NOT recommend, and that isn't a joke. I'm just compiling these for my (and possibly your) entertainment.

- most if not all are crackfics, but some are genuinely well written. Not all of them are on here for shock value, some just have a strange concept!

- I also haven't read the entirety of some of them, so I may have missed some things.

And now with that out of the way, on to the fics!!

My Immortal:

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/2

About: (this is not the original fic, just a re-upload!) for the few who don't know the infamy of this fic, it's basically a very poorly written goth Harry Potter au.

NSFW?: it tries to be

Do I recommend it?: it is an experience and that is all I will say.

Content warnings: cutting, mentions of suicide, pedophilia, extreme levels of cringe, goths/emos, my chemical romance

Drapple

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7340362/1/Drapple

About: I think this one is also pretty well known. Draco Malfoy falls in love with an apple, hilarity ensues.

NSFW?: no

Do I recommend it?: yes

First Encounter

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3096379/1/First-Encounter

About: another HP fic. The giant squid fucks the Hogwarts castle.

NSFW?: yes, definitely

Do I recommend it: uhhh maybe? If you're in the mood for something really random then yeah I guess. I wasn't too traumatized from it, so do with that what you will.

Content warnings: inanimate objects having sex

Kermit x the Joker

https://www.tumblr.com/the-muppet-joker/779647115628576768/are-you-ready-for-your-hormones-kermit?source=share

About: from Tumblr's very own Muppet Joker, we have a oneshot of kermit x the Joker.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: yes. Muppet smut.

Content warnings: Muppet smut

Knuckles Drinks a Pepsi

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12139556/1/Knuckles-Drinks-A-Pepsi

About: exactly what the title says but weirder

NSFW: nah

Do I recommend: yeah, the descriptions are... Interesting

Never Mind The Bollocks, it's Draco/Harry (Shake Your Groove Thing)

https://geoviki.livejournal.com/42826.html

About: a Drarry fic that tries to incorporate all the cliches of that ship and does so brilliantly. As a side note, I almost got a virus on my phone from clicking the wrong link while trying to find this fic.

NSFW: yeah... Not nearly as bad as some of the other stuff though.

Do I recommend: yes absolutely! Crackfic at its finest

The Milk Fic

https://www.wattpad.com/353617364-the-original-milk-fic-the-milk-fic

About: oh god do I have to? A Ryden fic with a milk enema. One of the most disturbing things I have ever read. I couldn't even make it through the whole fic.

NSFW: YES

Do I recommend: no

Content warnings: just don't, it's disturbing

The Ballad of Elmer Fudd and Grilled Cheese

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/6963740/1/The-Ballad-of-Elmer-Fudd-and-Grilled-Cheese

About: once again, exactly what it sounds like from the title.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: if you're looking through this list I assume you want something weird, so I guess?

Content warnings: grilled cheese being violated, grilled cheese kink, written like how Elmer Fudd talks

Waiting for You to Start

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63223780

About: a disturbing Duolingo owl fic.

NSFW: no

Do I recommend: yeah.

Content warnings: Duolingo, stalking, threatening nature, did you do your Spanish lesson today?

Destibagel

https://archive.transformativeworks.org/works/1747241/chapters/3732644

About: Destiel bagel au. I believe it's pretty well known.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: in terms of weirdness without being super traumatic, yes.

Content warnings: bagels fucking, destiel

The Sussy Banana

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44358337

About: the pink among us x bob the minion.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: yeah?

Content warnings: violence, minion speak

Dazai x cake pop!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49315693?view_adult=true

About: once again, what the title says

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: to be completely honest I don't recommend most of these, but this is pretty short.

Content warnings: food fucking

I Just Wanna

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34500007?view_adult=true

About: Draco Malfoy x Elmo. It is just as weird as it sounds.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: it is an experience

Content warnings: puppet fucking, weird anatomy, Elmo

My Brother in Christ

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39030420

About: Jesus Christ x Larry the cucumber.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: *sighs*

Content warnings: Bible fanfic, character death

Make America Green Again

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5870761/chapters/13531180#workskin

About: Trump x Shrek

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: yeah kinda

Content warnings: Donald Trump

Made a Deal Without Looking at the Fine Print

https://archiveofourown.org/series/819081

About: (a series of oneshots.) a girl made a deal with Satan and they become friends. Nothing strange about it except for the concept.

NSFW: no

Do I recommend: yes! It's actually really cute.

A Different Love

https://www.wattpad.com/902143775-a-different-love-mafia-elmo-x-reader-chappy-one

About: Elmo x reader, mafia au.

NSFW: I don't think so? I mean, I still wouldn't show it at my workplace though.

Do I recommend: it's fine. Not the weirdest but still kinda funny

Content warnings: mafia, cheating, murder

Duo x reader mafia au

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50212570/chapters/126817546

About: the title says it all. But also there is Sans and Harry Styles.

NSFW: yes

Do I recommend: yeah honestly it's weird as fuck

Content warnings: Duolingo, mafia, Harry styles

la petite mort

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23236681

About: Barbie x Dracula. A crackfic taken very seriously and done very well.

NSFW: nah

Do I recommend: absolutely yes

Content warnings: blood drinking, character death, emotional impact from a crackfic

Wonkula: a Willy Wonka x Count Chocula Romance

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14333675/1

About: once again, what the title says. This one is complicated because some of it is kinda racist? But the other stuff had me literally crying with laughter?

NSFW: yes very

Do I recommend: like I mentioned above, it's complicated. It's done very well but some things are really icky.

Content warnings: racism, underage bride, you will never be able to see chocolate the same way again, also your childhood will be ruined

Just the Way I'm Not

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208000/chapters/4839126

About: a wannabe My Immortal, but with lord of the rings as well. High school au

NSFW: more so than my immortal

Do I recommend: maybe?

Content warnings: teenage pregnancy, cringe, many many many misspellings

That's all for now, but don't worry! I will be back with more, mark my words.

An Announcement:

I have made it my new mission to compile a list of the strangest and/or most cursed fanfictions known to humanity. (The list is already well under way, and I will post it once I have a sufficient amount, although I will be adding to it even after that.) If anyone has any suggestions, PLEASE send them to me (i am a glutton for punishment) and I will review and add them to my master list.

(if, at any point, you hear sounds of screaming, crying, throwing up and manic laughter, don't worry, that is just the madness descending upon me.)

[seenthisepisode]

"What... What broke the connection?", Dean asks and Castiel is speechless.

He knows. He knows, he knows, he knows; he can't name it though. He is still way too new at this, he is still too overwhelmed, and he still doesn't know what is going on.

"I don't know", he stutters eventually, and disappears before they have a chance to begin a real conversation. He rests his forehead on the bus' window and he does something angels aren't allowed to do.

He daydreams.

*

“I am sorry I kicked you out of the bunker”, Dean says, and it looks like he truly is sorry and feels bad and Castiel wants to brush it off and forgive him; no, actually Castiel would gladly pretend it never ever happened.

But there is something bitter in his mouth. He wants to scream at Dean, because he is hurt, because the one person he would bet everything on, that one person betrayed him when he was at his lowest. Castiel feels sick but in a twisted way he understands. There was never anything more important to Dean than Sam. And it was never Dean’s choice or fault. 

And it’s a whole conversation they should have, or at least Dean should have with someone, and Cas wants to talk to Dean, to really get to speak with him,  but something stops him. 

“It’s okay”, he manages to say eventually, “You were stupid for the right reasons.”.

*

"I love you. I love all of you", Cas says, bleeding out and dying in that barn.

Cas, don't you dare die on me, not like that, not so sudden, not like... Just don't, it can't be happening, it's not how this ends, not before you know, not before you know how much you mean to me- to all of us, Cas just please, don't, I promise, I swear, I will be better, and I will find a good, no, I will find the best moment to finally say what you deserve to hear, but just. Don't die. God, please don't let him die-

The sound of Crowley breaking the spear in two brings Dean back to reality. Cas is alive and okay again. Dean lets out a deep breath. He still has time.

He feels like Desmond in that show he used to watch in the motel rooms years ago. He finally understands the relief he felt when the hieroglyphs turned into 0:01 once again.

*

"Cas, you just gave up entire army for one guy", Dean says, jokingly, but this is not a joke. Castiel doesn't know what to say again.

When Hannah gave him a choice, the words came easily.

"No", he said when he chose Dean, again. But now? He doesn't know what to say.

Yes. I chose you over an army of angels. I would always choose you over Heaven. 

But he knows, for some reason, that these words are tricky. They could potentially lead to another conversation. And he wasn't ready for it.

*

"What about all of this is real?!", Dean yells, angry, so angry, and he takes that anger out on the wrong person, again, and he knows it, and he hates it, but the words just come out of his mouth

(why the other words, good words never do?)

and he is even more angry at himself, at God, at his father, at everything, because his life? Was never his to begin with, it belonged to others and he had no say in anything. He just had to play the part.

So he takes it out on the only person who sees through that anger.

And Castiel takes it, as always.

"We are", Cas says bitterly as he leaves the room. Even though Castiel was an angel, he was far better with words than Dean is ever going to be. Dean wants to scream but he is speechless.

*

"And why, when something goes wrong, it always seems to be you", Dean says it and Castiel suspects that he regretted it instantly, because he knows him, but the words hurt like a bitch anyway. Dean feels dead inside (was he ever truly alive? what does it even mean?) and everything's wrong.

So he takes it out on Cas again. He hates it but he does it anyway.

The look on Castiel's face makes Dean want to go back to hell, because this guilt is worse than hell, hell was easy in a way, this? This is complicated and delicate.

"I think it's time for me to move on", Cas says slowly and rightfully so, and Dean wants to scream, to beg him to stay, to fall to his knees and beg, pray, for forgiveness, but he can't speak. The words are stuck, and he is stuck, and the world seems to have stopped turning. But it still does, and Cas is gone.

*

"I love you", Cas says again and Dean's brain can't respond. "Goodbye, Dean".

Those last words echo in Dean's mind for days, weeks, months. Years. He hears them when he is awake and he hears them in his dreams.

In his dreams he doesn't stay silent. In his dreams he pushes through whatever was holding him back, and he speaks. He finds his voice and he says, he finally says what he wanted to say since what feels like forever.

He says "I love you, too, and I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. But it can't- it won't end like this".

In his dreams he finally asks Cas to stay.

In his dreams he kisses him.

The Empty always takes Cas anyway.

These unspoken words are always with him, wherever he is. They are with him when he aimlessly drives the Impala through the States. They are with him when he finally finds Castiel in the Empty and drags him back to Earth, back to life.

As he holds on to the angel, he finally lets these unspoken words out. Everything he never said, I want you to stay, I want you, he whispers frantically as he kisses Castiel's face, Please never ever leave me again, he says as he presses his forehead to Castiel's. I will do better, he promises, as he holds Cas as close as he can, I will be all that you want and thought you couldn't have. And more, he promises. 

And he keeps that promise. 

And Cas is happy. They both are.

______________________

@emeraldcas  , we don’t talk a lot but I saw your prompt for today (words unspoken) and I was like. THIS is the reason why I was listening to Precious by Depeche Mode all day. So. please accept this humble ficlet that your prompt inspired. Ily and congrats on 1k followers!!!!!

[chocolatecakecas]

Jack's Top 13 Summer Traxx (baby Jack ficlet +spotify playlist)

Dean's Top 13 Springsteen Traxx Cas' Top 13 Billy Joel Traxx

It was a warm Sunday afternoon. Dean always closed his mechanic shop on Sundays so he had at least one day off, as Cas insisted (ordered) he do when he first bought the place. So Dean would putter around in the driveway while he waited for Cas to return from his morning shift at the library, and then they'd all go out to lunch afterwards. Today though, Jack had opted to stay with Dean and "help" with Baby's weekly maintenance checkup. He was currently sitting in the front seat (keys not in the ignition of course) chattering away about everything and anything, while Dean attempted to scoop out some stray cheerios from the cracks in between the back bench.

"Dee where'd you get all the tapes anyway?" Jack questioned, suddenly stopping his explanation of the entire plot of the last Phineas and Ferb episode he watched.

Dean froze, heart leaping into his throat. He slowly turned his head towards the front, heart clenching at the sight.

(read the rest under the cut)

There was Jack, looking smaller than usual, as he's swallowed up by the passenger seat. The seat Dean spent the first twenty years of his life in, with that too big cardboard box, precariously balancing on his lap as he sifts through the cassettes. Llike Dean had done so many times before. He's got a blinding smile on his face, looking hopefully up at Dean.

Dean knew this day would come of course. Pretty much every second of Jack's life is filled with his music, hell there's one of his tapes playing on radio thats sitting in the grass. Plus, Jack's always got a question about pretty much everything under the sun, so he should have seen it coming sooner rather than later.

And now his four year old son anxiously awaits Dean's answer about that beat up cardboard box, held together by at least 3 rolls of duct tape, asking the same question he asked all those years ago. And Jack's beaming up at him like he's about to reveal all of world's secrets, and that's when Dean knows.

He knows he's already failed.

So with a heavy sigh, Dean climbed into the back, officially giving up on his cheerio mission, and carefully folded his arms across the top of the front bench.

"Well, most of them I've had for a long time, a lot of them I've bought myself, and a few of them are Uncle Sammy's-some are Daddy's and some of them I made for Daddy, or he made for me too" Dean replied evenly, easily avoiding any mention of his father (because he sure as hell isn't exposing details about John Winchester to his four year old), and praying that his heart doesn't hammer out of his chest. And he hopes to god that it was a sufficient answer, but if Jack's anything like Dean, and he is, he'll have numerous follow up questions. Because in Dean's opinion, Jack is too much like him already.

Because like Dean, Jack had loved music from the very start. From Dean humming Smoke on the Water being the only thing to soothe the crying infant, to the toddler becoming a little Matilda and making every friggin thing they own fly around the War Room to a Queen album. To Jack in the backseat screaming "words" somewhat similar to the lyrics of Dean's favorite songs, to jumping around in front of the tv as his favorite characters dance and sing on the screen, to dancing around the kitchen in their new home to Dean's tapes, or twirling around the living room to Cas' favorite records. All care free smiles, and laughter, spinning around to the beat.

And, Dean with hazy memories of his mother's Beatles records drifting through the halls, his parents dancing in the living room to Zeppelin, to hearing those same Zepp songs in the late hours of the night, as they floated from the Impala's radio. To his Dad's tapes rattling the car as he raced down an abandoned highway after a particularly bad hunt, to his Dad smiling when he asked about the contents of cardboard box one day. To Dean always carefully picking the right tapes, asking him to turn up the volume at the right times, gushing about the right guitar solos, anything to gain an approving smile from the driver's seat.

To him learning how to reclaim that box of plastic as his own, to struggling with separating the sound from the source. To understanding that his love for those songs, those albums, those tapes, are all his own. Which sounds ridiculous, but sometimes those kinda things are, because sometimes the littlest things are the hardest.

And those are things Dean never wants Jack to go through. He just wants his kid to enjoy the music he enjoys, no strings attached. And yes Jack's only four, but so was he at the time. And Jack already mimics Dean's actions and phrases, and has tried to dress like him on more than one occasion. So Dean's pretty sure his paranoia is justified.

Because he's alrea-

"Oh. I like them, especially the ones that make Baby all shakey" Jack nodded sagely, as he stares up at Dean like he hung the moon and the stars, gaging his response.

And so Dean knows, he's already failed. His son is only four and he's already seeking his approval. It's all too painfully familiar.

"Yeah buddy, I like them too.....but remember you ca-you can like whatev-you can listen to whichever songs make you ha-make you feel hap-" Dean struggles to get out, but he's cut short by tires crunching on the pavement.

"Da!" Jack screeches, and then he's out of the car, patiently waiting by the Impala until Cas turns off his own car, to launch himself into his arms.

Damnit-well not damnit because of course he's thrilled his husband his home, but he wante-needed to tell Jack that he didn't have to like Dean's music, or hell Cas' music, that he could be his own person. But maybe Jack will never bring it up again, and Dean didn't totally fai-

"Did you two have a good morning? Also I'm starving" Cas greeted, as he pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips, which of course pulls a laugh from him.

"Hello to you too Sunshine, let's go eat" Dean chuckles with a fond eyeroll, but Cas' smile dips slightly as he takes in Dean's features.

Of course he can tell something's wrong, and maybe Dean will tell him later, but honestly he's kinda banking on Jack never discussing it again, so he'd rather not risk it.

"Alright Jack let's get you buckled in, Daddy is practically wasting away over here" Dean exaggeratedly calls out, causing Cas to swat at his arm, and thankfully get into the passenger seat without another word.

And lucky for Dean, the rest of the day passed pretty uneventfully. They got lunch at the usual place, they all tossed Jack's new giant frisbee around in the backyard and now Jack is helping Cas out in the garden, while Dean gets started on dinner, burgers like every Sunday. So maybe Jack asking about the tapes was a one time deal? Maybe he won-

"Dee I have a question" Jack asked, suddenly appearing in the kitchen doorway.

Damnit.

"Okay kiddo, why don't you sit down while I grab you some juice, you must be working hard out there" Dean stalls, but in his defense it is hot out and Jack's face is a little pink. Jack thankfully sits at the kitchen table and takes a big sip from the juice box Dean handed him.

"Ask away, Squirt" Dean urges with a slightly unsteady voice. His back is too Jack as he works on seasoning the ground beef.

"You said you made Daddy tapes and Daddy made you tapes? Like the Billy one Daddy gave you that you like?"

Yeah. Definitely not a one time deal then.

"Uh huh, Daddy did make me that one. And I made him a few too" Dean responds carefully, as he silently wills his heart rate to slow down.

"Ohhh. I want to make a special tape too"

And that was not what Dean was expecting. He quickly spins around to face Jack, who's sitting in his usual seat, legs swinging underneath him.

"Yeah, I asked Daddy and he said that you made him a tape, and that he made you some too. And he said that they were special, and had your favorite songs. And I want to make my favorite songs special too! And Daddy said if I ask nice, that you'd help me" Jack explained as he bounced up to sit on his knees.

Dean was frozen in place. Jack wants to make a mixtape, with his own favorite songs. That he likes, that he choses. Not Dean or Cas', just his own "special songs".

And Dean could cry from relief. Maybe he hadn't failed Jack. Because Jack really doesn't care about Dean or Cas' music, it's just about the tapes.

"Of course, bud. I'll help you make a list of your most special, favorite songs after dinner, sound good? But why don't you go finish helping Daddy plant those new flowers" Dean replied, feeling lighter than he had all day as he watched Jack skip back outside, throwing Dean an excited thank you.

And true to his word, after dinner Dean and Jack sat at the tiny table in his room, getting ready to pick his "special songs".

"Alright Squirt, what greatest hits are we starting with?" Dean smiled, grabbing a piece of paper and a blue marker from Jack's little desk.

"Toy Story and Pooh tummy" Jack declared and Dean quickly scribbled down the songs knowing exactly what he meant with a smile.

And there they sat, Jack rambling off song after song based upon some lyrics he sort of remembered, or simply the beat of the songs, Dean easily identifying most of them, but making note of the ones they'd have to research more later. Jack giggling in his seat every time Dean gives a wildly incorrect guess or names a song he knows Jack doesn't like.

Dean's feeling like an idiot for how much he panicked twice earlier. Damn, he really was paranoid for nothing because Jack hasn-

"And the one we dance in the kitchen with the heart? OH and the one on Da's record with the oh woah woah woahs?"

Fuck.

And just like that Dean's tossed back to this afternoon, heart racing, the fear of failure clawing it's way up his throat. Because he did. He did fail. God he's just like Jo-nope. Maybe not.

Because he would never try to fix it, but Dean would.

"Jack, buddy, it's your mixtape, you don't have to put our songs on there, bud. It's supposed to be all about yo-"

"But you said its gotta be my favorites? And they're special too?" Jack questioned with an all too familiar tilt of his head that would usually make Dean laugh, but instead caused him to take a sharp breath.

He has to fix this. Before it's too late, before Jack has to-

"Yes, they are special to me and Daddy, but it doesn't mean that you ha-"

"But I like them, because you and Da-"

No, he has to fix this. He can fix this

"Jack, you don't have to like them just because me and Daddy like them. You're allowed to hate the tapes and the records we listen to, because you can listen to whatever songs you want to" Dean somehow manages to choke out amidst his rising panic.

Dean failed. He failed. Jack likes those songs just because he thinks it'll make them happy. Jack doesn't deserve to think that. It's too familiar and Dean needs to shut it down, now. Before it's too late, before Jack starts believing that it's the only way to get their approval, get Dean's approval, before he starts loving those songs, before he grows up and starts to hate them and himself fo-

"I know that" Jack says matter of factly looking at Dean like he's an idiot.

And he freezes.

"I know, because I don't like that one on Da's record that's all slooooow, or the one you always play in Baby it's too yelly. And the one that Uncle Sammy sings really loud. But I like the one in the kitchen it's fun! And the woah-oh one Da always jumps with me" Jack continues simply, without a care in the world, but looking wise beyond his years.

Jack doesn't lik-no hates some of Dean's songs, he hates Cas' songs, hell he even hates some of Sam's.

So Dean didn't fail. He'd didn't damn his only son to years of self loathing and anger, at age four. He didn't fuck him up yet. And instead, helped him find a song, that they can both love together, without any strings attached, no expectations. No search for approval.

And Dean's just so-

"Oh can we have the one from Moana with the coconut?" Jack asked with a blinding smile as he leaned across the little table, Dean's heart clenching at the sight.

"Of course, Squirt. We can put whatever songs you'd like" Dean smiles, voice thick as he writes down Jack's latest suggestion.

And so after several wrong guesses, combing through an entire season of Phineas and Ferb looking for the correct song, and very serious sticker choosing process, "Jack's Top 13 Summer Traxx" made it's way into that beat up, old cardboard box.

And if Dean listened to nothing but that tape every single time Jack was in the car, for the next the next three months? Well that was nobody's business but his own.

Tag list pt 1:

@wormstacheangel @smiledean @shelikestv @chaoticdean @midnightwings-deancas @jellydeans @sunshine-jack @archervale @wikiangela @subbydean @organicpurplepants @you-cant-spell-subtext-without

@tkdwolf2012 @doemons-blog @sinnabonka @rolling-stoned-girl @skylerkernaghan @icefire149 @dakiaty @seffersonjtarship @feraldean @teamfreebees @keshetcas @jewishdeanwinchester @martymar1963 @midnight-sparks-studio @aestheticflyer26

@athenixrose @distortedlightbeamcastiel @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @winchester-novak @lyonessrampant @thiscowboyisbisexual @smokerdean @milfcodeddean @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie