#uhhh destiel fic

[nyc-pizza-rat]

okay thinking about her

the tree bark at his back scratches him as he shifts. there are bruises on his skin that sting. he feels the slide of blood at his temple, unsettling and unfamiliar, even after all these years. castiel looks down at his hands, a little calloused, now, and wrinkling, and tries to center himself. there is dirt on his palms, under his fingernails. a small cut on his index finger that is loud and sharp. he curls his fists and tries to reach within himself. the well of his grace has been running low for a while, now, and castiel hasn't been sure of...well, anything.

it's harder to find his dimming grace within, here in purgatory. harder still to coax it to the surface. sweat beads at his brow but castiel keeps his fingers clenched, mumbles to himself in enochian — words to songs of praise and comfort and strength that mean so little now, and yet come to him easy.

there is a thin stream of silver light, and castiel heaves a breath, sinks further into the hollow of the tree. he unclenches his fist, and there are red half-moons carved into his palm. the cut is gone, but there is a scar, still, and castiel cannot stop looking at it. it looks like a thin tear in fabric, like the cracks in between the worlds that let them through. it looks like the beginning of the end.

he rubs his thumb over the scar, feels the slight raise of his skin. his thoughts begin to spin, and all he can focus on is the heat building at the back of his neck, the rushing of blood in his ears. suddenly, then, a ripple within. a breeze by his ear that pull at his core. that compels him to quiet, to listen.

someone, somewhere, is invoking him in prayer.

his grace surges now, easy as it hasn't been in a while, and while it doesn't heal him still, castiel feels more angel than he has in a long time.

Cas, I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late.

castiel sighs, something inside him relaxing. he hadn't even noticed the way his muscles had been pulled taut. hadn't noticed the tendrils of fear creeping into his heart. dean's alive. dean's alive.

I should've stopped you.

castiel swallows. digs his fingers into his thighs. his grace spins out, trying to find the source of the prayer. It's harder than it is on earth, and harder than it should be for an angel of his caliber, but castiel keeps trying.

You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.

castiel wishes dean would stop saying these things. he bites his cheek, listening, following dean's voice. he's always following dean's voice, even when he doesn't want to.

I – Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know – I know that it's – i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just – it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how –

dean breaks, and castiel pauses, stares at the blinking doorway that will lead them back onto earth. back into a battle that they are bound to lose. he thinks about jack, lost forever. about chuck, who cannot be beaten. about the pointlessness of what they are doing, the desperation with which he has been clinging to hope.

— how bad I want to, I just can't stop it.

he wishes he could see dean. there is something solid pressing against the back of his throat, like he has swallowed a rock, like it is blocking the air. his eyes sting. he wishes dean would just — just talk to him.

And — And I — I forgive you. Of course I forgive you.

castiel shakes his head. his wings are more bone than anything else, skeletons he lugs around because he cannot bear to sever them from his trueform. now they twitch, twined with his grace as they are. castiel lets them curl inwards, pretends he can feel them whole, their warmth, the comfort of it.

I'm sorry it took me so long – I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm – I'm so sorry.

castiel forgives him, despite everything. thinks he'd forgiven him long before this, before dean ever thought to ask. he wonders if dean knows that castiel doesn't know how to loathe him, even if he wanted to.

longing surges out to him, the pull of the prayer strengthened by cords of need, of want.

dean thinks he's dead, and he's desperate for him to not be. castiel knows what dean can be like, when he loses those he considers kin, when he's even faced with the prospect of losing them.

Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me.

longing can feel a lot like love.

angels were never meant to decipher the nuances of human emotion, and despite all the time he's spent on earth, even castiel is not all that good at it. so when prayer is made with longing, it can feel a lot like love.

and maybe it is. castiel doesn't know.

it's almost unsettling, the way warmth bleeds into his trueform, as dean finishes praying, as he makes his way closer. castiel tries to reign in his weak grace, pulsing away under his skin. tries to not let himself get carried away.

he looks up at the grey sky, the sunless world he is trapped in. he thinks about the empty. he thinks about his son.

maybe it isn't. human love is so complicated, after all.

somewhere to his right, footsteps. castiel breathes, wills his lungs to loosen, his heart to slow. he pulls the leviathan blossom out of his coat pocket. all that fighting and the fidgeting has smushed it a little. he rubs a thumb over one of its strange petals, and puts it back in his coat.

dean is getting closer. castiel can hear him breathing now. can hear the way his heart races.

he gathers himself and pushes out of the hollow of the tree. straightens a little.

"dean," he calls. he sounds tired, even to his own ears. human. god. "you made it."

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

20 Questions - Fanfic Writer Edition

I was tagged by both @writer-or-whatever and @jmrothwell so I suppose I better do it 😅 Thanks guys!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 42 (*gasp* am I Miles Morales?)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,265,660 lol

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently just Spider-Man but I used to write for Supernatural and before that Harry Potter. I'm a one obsession at a time kinda girl.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) - 72k spideypool soulmates au

Don't Freak Out - 136k parkner rivals to lovers speedrun

A Peach Like You - 73k parkner featuring autistic!peter, loveatfirstsight!harley, and a cringe self insert as the villain of the week lmao

The Distance Between (You and Me) - 29k parkner bodyguard au

You're Freaking Out - 166k sequel to DFO featuring plot (wow!) and Miles (yay!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

My dudes I try. I know I'm not very consistent and I have a tendency to disappear for months at a time, but I read and cherish each one.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings lol I think the closest I've gotten is Lay Me Down - 8k destiel major character death--lowest kudosed fic out of all 42 lmao

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is an impossible question. I am like the queen of happy endings? You want me to rank them??? Fine, it's You're Freaking Out. Best 10k epilogue in the land. Oh hey also I just noticed it has 997 kudos. May I humbly request 3 more pretty please?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. Closest was when someone complained on one of my destiel fics about the grocery store not having plastic bags and needing a quarter in order to obtain a cart. I specifically remember they said, "I hate when writers do this," and went on to complain about us making up obviously fake stuff that pulls them out of the story. Like, first of all you're complaining about storytellers making stuff up ??? okay. And second, it was an Aldi. A real grocery store. That I didn't make up.

I had to take a day to cool off before I responded and then they were like oh yeah, my roommate told me when I complained to them, you responded to this really nicely though! WHICH folks LET ME TELL YOU made me angrier lol Like you found out you were wrong and didn't even come back to edit/delete/apologize for your comment???

Anyway after that I internalized that you don't know what kind of lived experience your commenters have so some comments should be taken with a grain of salt. Which is a double-edged sword bc sometimes I get really nice enthusiastic comments and read it like, okay but what if this person is 12 and read it at 2am in a fit of delirium and this is their first fic ever and it's actually not as good as they think haha

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I doooo. I haven't published any since I wrote for spn but I have a parkner pwp ready to go as soon as I muster up the nerve.

I have no idea how to interpret the question "what kind" lol uhhh the hot kind? pffft

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have but I never published them. Again, these were for spn which is hella fun to play with merging into other canon. I started but never finished spn crossovers with Firefly, The 100, The Hunger Games, Criminal Minds, Agents of Shield, and Teen Wolf. I think that's all of them. I've been thinking about putting all of my abandoned wips on AO3 for archive purposes, but idk still noodling on it. I wish there way a way I could elect to post without notifying my subscribers :/ Or at least send them a message warning them that I'm about to be incredibly annoying

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 🙃

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! A few now! The ultimate kudo in my opinion, and one I never expected <3

The wonderful @bluettspetal has translated An Insignificant Problem, Undercover? I thought you said under covers..., and Completely and utterly devoid of sex appeal into Russian with plans to translate more.

And Faaayeee42 on AO3 translated Paradise (spread out with a butter knife) to Mandarin Chinese.

I'm forever blown away by this.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Done some brainstorming a few times but nothing that has evolved into actually writing out a shared thing. Not sure I'd be any good at it tbh. I'd probably be a very frustrating writing partner.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Peter Parker/Harley Keener. They're good boys.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

My Infinity War time travel fix it (make it worse) fic 😔 It's got so much potential but it is perpetually at the bottom of the to-do list.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and developing relationships

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

mother fucking action sequences and like, coming up with The Plan (the evil kind and the ones to take down the evil kind)

This silly little graphic I made for You're Freaking Out where Harley mocks The Plan made by the spider dumplin gang was initially one half of my brain negging the other half about being shit at making Plans and I decided that it might as well manifest as the characters lmao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Eh. It's fanfiction, you know? Do what you want. Experiment. Try your best to do it justice. Accept that some people are going to let their eyes blur and skim over it while others will pick it apart but most will exist somewhere in the middle. Just write what you want to write, how you want to write it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

*sigh* Harry Potter. Looking forward to my own post getting gobbled up by my block list lmao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Goodness gracious how do I even decide? I think Peaches Ain't Pretty is my favorite. It's the fic that showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can step outside of fanfiction and write whatever I want and be just as satisfied, if not more.

[corrodedbisexual]

20 questions for writers

I was tagged by @puppy-steve 🩵

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

51 holy shit. 45 of those are Steddie. totally normal right

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

260,453 holy fucking shit

3. What fandoms do you write for?

…currently it's like all Stranger Things/Steddie cos my brain hasn't been able to properly fixate on anything else for 1.5 years

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Doing it for science (not really) | Steddie

(Don't) cream your pants | Steddie

Work your magic | Steddie

Stevie's good boy | Steddie

A Gift of Fate | Dreamling!!! Surprisingly!!!

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes incredibly late but I always go through my whole Inbox

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Excuse me we don't do those in this house

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Have you met me they are always disgustingly happy at the end. Okay the most disgusting and tooth-rotting would probably be A comparative study of dating dudes vs. chicks

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't so far

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

My specialty is soft dom/service top Steve that's just obsessed with making Eddie feel good

10. Do you write crossovers?

Rarely, I did a PacRim fusion for my steddie bang: Love, Drift & Monsters

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Uhhh not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did tons of co-writing, like, RP-style back in the Supernatural fandom but it never made it to AO3. It's buried somewhere on tumblr. Also currently co-writing @chooseyourownsteddie with @sidekick-hero ♥️

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

All-time, I'd have to say Destiel, just purely based on the number of years I was infested with that particular brainrot.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I don't doubt. That's a bad way of thinking. I currently have a gay Steve college AU fic that I'm having trouble shaping so it's just been rotating in my brain microwave as random scenes for 2 weeks now, but we'll get there eventually.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Based on reader feedback I guess characterization and dialogue

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with more creative vocabulary

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

What other language? Okay like if I had to write fic for ST in Polish or Russian I'd probably be in trouble 'cos I never heard the translated versions of the show, never seen them, so I wouldn't even know how the characters actually talk in the translations

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god. Okay. So, millenials you know that Numanuma song. So um. Yeah the band actually had a very small fandom. And yes there was RPS being written and I was one of about 10 people doing that. Yeeeeah. Fuck off, I was like 15 years old.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Love blooms, love hurts, love prevails wrecked me emotionally and I still love it so much. The most fun to write though was probably Higher education

***

Also not sure how many people I should tag? Ok avoiding CJ's double tagging here: @steddielations @bramble-berries @morningberriesao3

@pearynice @artaxlivs @spinmewriteround

Since when does tumblr have this weird glitch about tagging more than 5 people in 1 line???

[sammyluvr]

HEY BABY IM SENDING IN MULTIPLE FOR THE CHARACTER ASK GAME :D

2, 8, 15, 21, and 24 for sammy

4, 12, 18, and 25 for spencer reid! or if not emily prentiss :))

(also fun fact ive never finished criminal minds LOL i got to the point where derek left and i stopped watching it, i should probably finish it though)

ughh i love you so much and i hope you have a good day!!

YAHOOO HEHEHEHE sorry this post is so very long LOL

character ask game !

SAMMY ! 2. favorite canon thing about this character? .... everything maybe ???? omg how do i choose i love everything about him uhhhhh . he's awkward and so so sweet <3 he learned sign language for eileen, he has beautiful hair, he's sassy, he's a gentle giant, he wants so badly to be good but doesn't think he is T_T and on and on and on and on because everything about him is my favorite

8. what's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? oh my fucking god do NOT get me started LMAO . blaming him for things he didn't do/couldn't control (usually because dean blames him for it). ignoring how queer coded he is / calling him the straightest character (often in a destiel context). just consistently and aggravatingly misinterpreting / misunderstanding his character and hating on him for their bad and unintelligent takes on him! i could go into lots of detail about that but i won't because then this will be a rant post that will make me so angry :D el oh el

15. what's your favorite ship for this character? (doesn't matter if it's canon or not.) i think samjess heh i'm basic but i'm a huge sucker for them. and definitely definitely saileen!

21. if you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? what's something you don't like? hehehe hmmm i don't have a singular favorite thing, but i love making him call reader "honey." i adore giving him softness and care and so much love and a goddamn break! in general i love writing hurt/comfort with him as well <3 and i love describing his emotions and exploring how i interpret his character through that. as for dislikes i'm not too sure hmm

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? i haven't really watched much since i started spn so i haven't really been watching anything and been like omg! that person reminds me of sam! but i totally see the sam and spence parallels (super smart, autistic coded, younger brother vibes, tall, sweet and awkward etc)!

...

SPENCER & EMILY ! (doing both because i adore em too much not to lol) 4. if you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? spence : huh i've never thought of this before uhhh i'd put him in a studio ghibli film! so he can be the sweet main character but end up with a lovely, poetic, simple life instead of being constantly traumatized by one thing or another LOL i just think he'd make the cutest studio ghibli love interest?? emily : anything with lesbians so she can kiss girls :D HAHAHA or i'd put them all in supernatural for a spn x cm crossover !!! i think that would be way too fun ugh. wanna see her as a vampire also.

12. what's a headcanon you have for this character? spence : he dislikes overhead lighting! it's the autism :] emily : she's lesbian but that's canon to me RAHHH um. that she prefers to listen to music in different languages and really likes finding obscure artists! (but still has her favorite emo grunge stuff that she listened to in middle/high school heh)

18. how about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? spence : him and garcia!! i really really really adore their friendship so so very much <3 and him in luke in later seasons! emily : heh. jemily ??? lesbians ??? okay but i really love her and garcia as well i just love penny so so much

25. what was your first impression of this character? how about now?spence : thought he was very very cute and endearing! i still think that way, but i also love having a more informed and nuance view of him after so many seasons and developments to his character. emily : i thought she was really interesting! i was intrigued by her character and the way she was very forward and didn't back down when there was a misunderstanding about her transfer to the unit. love that she stood up for herself! and wow she's so pretty (didn't know i was gay yet) now it's just RAHHH LESBIANISMMM (i adore everything about her character and again, i just love knowing her better and seeing all sides of her)

[loserchildhotpants]

You know, there isn’t actually *that* many canon verse Destiel Hanahaki fics 🤔? And I’d love love love your take on it ❤️❤️❤️❤️

👀 is that so? 👀 perhaps 👀 then 👀 i ought to uhhh 👀 tap that market huh 👀

[babythe67]

HELLO

Meet the writer !

LETS START OFF EASY

I’m Chevy or Colton, you can call me Cole, Colby, Chev, or Chevs. Please don’t call me impala or baby I know my name is similar to the car but please it makes me insane 🙏 Colt is fine too, just use it sparingly. 

MY PRONOUNS ARE HE HIM

2. Listen I understand wOAH MALE FANFIC WIRTER- yOu mUst bE aGiRl- please shut up PLEASE PLEASE LAST TIME I CHECKED I GOT BELLS AND THE TREE. MERRY CHRISTMAS.  

IM 19 

3. Guys. Let’s have a talk. 18 and over to interact. Listen. I was 16 once sobbing ab my Sam Winchester x readers and I know I physically cannot stop you, it’s the internet. Fuck can I do, reach through and smack your hand? No. But for my sake at least try to stay incognito or at least try to pretend good. I will be checkin accounts, if you’re under 18 I’ll straight up block you 💀 idgaf ab views or notes or reshares Im in it for just having a visual diary to put my writing. 

IM A MEXICAN MAN

4. guys please. PLEASE. MY ENGLISH IS AS GOID AS IT CAN BE. AND YES I MIGHT FORGET A WORD AND TYPE IT IN SPANISH. IM SORRY. AND SOME POSTS MIGHT BE IN SPANISH MY BAD. also I write from Mexican perspective so again MY B A D 

WHO DO I WRITE FOR

5. LISTEN listen guys. My list is long but this is just for spn atm. You want my other writing check out my other accs THELTGHOST or Calahansdrabbles

Cals has a mix writing. It’s like. Everything.  Ltghost is mainly cod.  Here you Can find; Sam Winchester  Dean Winchester  Castiel Novak  G A R T H  Charlie Bradburry  Crowley Lucifer  Etc etc  Dick Roman if you ask nicely. 

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU COLT.

6. HI. It’s Colby here. Im a tall nerdy Mexican, probably on the chubby side. I wear glasses and have black shaggy hair. I cosplay ghost and konig and castiel- some other mfs too.  No I DONT wanna show my face bruh then you’ll find my TIKTOK and HARASS ME FOR THE FOUL THINGS I WRITE. Uh. Im pretty cool I’d say. And I love interacting and taking requests. Like yes baby let me write you your slow burn destiel fic you’ve been itching for. 

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

7. MEXICOOO BABY. VIVA MEXICO HUEVONES. uhhh no but fr I’m from Jalisco Mexico but now live in California bordering TJ. 

WHAT FANDOMS??

8. UHHHH This acc is mainly spn cause I want Dean to suck my dick. Uhhhh though I do enjoy a lot of different shit. This includes good omens, cod, overwatch, greys anatomy, adventure time, yadda yadda

Uh that’s kinda all I guess. Stream vampire by Olivia Rodrigo. And Stay with me by Ghost.  

That’s all folks. ♡

[gaylanrivens]

AO3 Tag Game

Tagged by @skelingtonsderek (thanks justie!) and I am definitely not two weeks late on this

Last year's for comparison

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

34

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

33, 311. Which wow! Didnt realize i had broken 30k!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment just justifed! I've written for I think a dozen but have only published for a handful though.

4. Top five fics by kudos?

family we find 9-1-1, 549

I Can't Steal You (Like You Stole Me) 9-1-1, 429

i could be found, I could be what you had saved Stranger Things, 176

A Fan Knows Julie and the Phantoms, 135

blueboys and teddy bears Stranger Things, 117

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh my god I've written four mcd fics uhhh voicemail from your grave???

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh shit usually it's open or like. Happy for *them* not traditionally happy ending. Got That Solid Gold Country 33 on Repeat maybe

8. Do you get hate on fics?

One time and its still funny

9. Do you write smut?

Not well or confidently

10. Craziest crossover?

Ok so I never published it but I was workshopping a ted lasso/spn one at one point

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Lmao not steal worthy

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@willowmckinley wrote a slasher au installment

14. All time favorite ship?

One??? Impossible. Top three: destiel, stucky, raylanboyd

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhh idk I have a lot of wips from previous fandoms that I'll likely never finish. What to Expect When You're Expecting (an 11 year old) was supposed to be the start of a series and then....my mom died like. A week after posting and dead mom is a pretty big part of that so lol lmao. Maybe I'll feel like touching it again one day who knows.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I can do ok dialogue sometimes

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Instead of annoying everyone with self depreciation im gonna refrain from this one

18. Thoughts on dialouge in another language?

I mean as long as you do it respectfully?

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Supernatural

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Slasher au!!!! watch a few movies, take a few notes but id i have to give one fic instead of a whole series..... maybe The Ballad of "Just Tim" Gutterson that's one I had been wanting to write for a long time and I think it came out decent?

Tagging uh... idk who has and hasn't been tagged. So....if you see this and want to do it I'm tagging you

[resident-rats]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

Thank you @silvercap for tagging me!!

1. How many works do you have?

18!!

2. What is your Ao3 word count?

176,463

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Basically just Resident Evil at the moment, the only other fandom I’ve written for is BBC Ghosts (quite a big contrast there lol)

4. What are your top 5 fics by Kudos?

• One Bed 284 (Serennedy)

• My Starling 273 (BBC Ghosts)

• What If? 240 (Serennedy)

• Hands-on Approach 231 (Chreon)

• A Much Needed Break 224 (Serennedy)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! Sometimes there’s a bit of a wait, but I try to respond to them all

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think any have an angsty ending?? I definitely planned to have a few, but chickened out lolll. I’d like to write some with an angsty ending though, it’s something I enjoy reading in general

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them probably hdhdhdh, usually my fics all end in similar ways 🥴

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not had any yet (touch wood)

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Almost everything I’ve written contains smut loll. Usually it’s quite feelings oriented/first time sleeping together kinda smut? Though some of it is purely just horny self indulgence 🫡

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

Not written any crossovers!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Uhhh, I don’t know if I have an all time favourite ship?? Usually I just latch onto a few ships in a fandom until I eventually bounce into different one. I mean Destiel will always have a place in my heart, purely bc it’s the first fandom related ship I properly got into??? And how feral I was over it in my early teens lol. But I’ve not read any spn fanfic or really interacted with the community in yearssss so 🤷🏻‍♂️ Right now though my favourite ship is probably Chreon or Metaltango??

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhhh I have Serennedy fic I started writing in May last year that I kinda gave up on lol. It was my very first attempt at writing an RE fic when I first got consumed with the rot™️ The plot was just Luis turning up at Leon’s door in the middle of the night bc people were after him

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write emotions well?? I’ve also been told I describe stuff well!! Which is very kind. People have also said they like my characterisations!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m gonna try and not be too hard on myself lol. I think I reuse a lot of specific phrases and words? I also always tend to end fics in similar ways, which i’d quite like to break out of

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Personally I think it’s quite a commitment if you don’t know the language well, because Google translate can only get you so far. But if you wanna do it then do it 🫡

19. First fandom you wrote for?

BBC Ghosts!! Though I’ve not actually finished the fic

20. Favourite fic you’ve written

Hands-on Approach or Dinner Can Wait, I think?? Maybe Knives Are Faster?? I tend to rank my favourite fics based on how I was doing when I wrote them lol, because I guess they’re kinda associated with whatever I was feeling at the time??

Tagging: @courtofparrots @sleeplesstories @samblerambles and anyone else who wants to do it!!!! Please consider yourself tagged if you’d like to <33 (also no pressure to anyone tagged to do it)

[mangonatural]

Rules: Make a 24 hour poll with the names of your WIPs, let it run, then work for 10 minutes for every vote the winner receives.

Thank you for the tag, @angelcasendgame!!!!! I am not sure I will be able to work on anything very soon just because life came after me again, and turns out I'm gonna be moving over the next month or so, but I really do hope I can find time!!

None of these have names yet lol. I put the SPN ones first, but technically I've been trying to break my writer's block by returning to The Great Gatsby (It's all Nick/Gatsby btw, just realized that might not be immediately evident) with limited success. It's always come easier for me. But all of this is stuff I do actively want to work on.

Ohh I don't know who to tag. I'm sure everyone in this circle has been tagged already, and most of the people I talk to regularly enough to know about their projects have more or less left Tumblr... I do absolutely want to pass this your way though, @antique-ro-man!! (It's Wes, btw!) I also wanna tag @heyfagbutt! And then anyone else who sees this and wants to participate, I also encourage it!! This is such a cool idea :D !!

Long, rambling explanations down here ⬇⬇

I think the name is pretty explanatory? The gist of it is they go after the same guy and become pseudo-enemies but they keep bumping into each other like this and decide to work together after a while 👍 this is a really bad hook LMAO. Anyway, I'm trying to build on the idea that they work REALLY well together when they do it intentionally but fail comically when they don't.

Pretty much what it says on the tin as well. No Supernatural AU. Dean goes to a community college to get a certification to help with his work elsewhere, but Cas, a figure drawing model, catches him drawing (which Dean's been doing on and off as a hobby) and tries to get him to sign up for the arts program.

I technically only have a summary of this, and I'm not entirely sure if I will write it all out, but I do want to at least put more time into the development before I dedicate to giving up on it bc of scope lol. I just have SUCH a soft spot for fake relationship AUs. Also, I just found out that while I have FINALLY aged into independent FAFSA eligibility, I am once again tax bracketed out. Anyway, financial abuse is real and I want to project my suffering onto Dean. Also immigrant Cas, but I haven't decided where I want him to be from yet. I think this has a lot of potential for some pretty hefty character redesigns too so it's also compelling to me from that angle. I guess I could also write it for TGG, but I did initially think of it for Destiel, so.

I don't know how to explain this one very well except that I had unhelpfully written "poolboy au" in my notes and then proceeded to forget what the hell I meant. This fic was an attempt to resurrect that but ended up being a funky modern West Coast re-imagining where Gatsby can't even "make it" as much as he wants to, and Nick can't find a place to live except for a less-than-legally rented pool house. It's not meant to be a full rewrite or anything though.

Uhhh yeah, I'm keeping the details private for this one ahaha but that's just because it wasn't supposed to be a big deal and I told a friend she would see what it was when it was done...like oh god probably a month ago at this point... My original scope for this was quite small, but research for it, indecision, and a nasty case of writer's block that I've had for nearly a year now have kept development a bit slow. Hopefully, I'll finish it before the year comes to a close.

I also don't know how to explain this one well other than "after being rejected by Daisy (Canon Divergent), Gatsby attempts to buy his way into a bewildered Nick's heart. Though the fic is from Nick's POV, Gatsby's just had his worldview shattered and is in a bit of denial, but instead of pursuing Daisy harder, he channels all of that energy into Nick (though he's not really sure why he's doing it at first). I wasn't sure what to put up at the top because I absolutely don't want my code name for this public at least until it's done LMAO.

[squirrelno2]

the emphasis on shipping in fandom culture is so wild to me to consider because like. there are certain things in jatp that I ship very emphatically, but I literally wrote myself into shipping them. when I was writing my first fics in the fandom, I didn’t plan for julie/luke/reggie or flarrie. I expected willex, because the show gave us that and gave me plenty of vibes to go “ok they like each other and would work together in the long term”. but especially with noncanon ships I always find myself stumbling into them as I plan or write a fic. I do sometimes set out to write a romance, but that’s usually when I’ve been in a fandom for a while and know “ok I like these dynamics and have had thoughts about shipping them in previous works, let’s dig into that.” and then I’m always writing like it’s a persuasive essay! like there are people reading who aren’t convinced about the ship, and I have to show my work.

even working with ocs it’s like, “ok I made this guy to be a friend for this character, but also I think that this particular dynamic would probably lead to romance and/or sex” (this thought brought to you by me knowing I haven’t touched my Jesse Lives au in forever) - actually I would say with ocs it’s most important because holy hell nobody is going to be automatically invested in your oc’s romantic or sexual life but you. you have to do a lot of legwork on that one unless your only intent is more of a reader insert vibe where ppl can imagine intimacy with their favourite character, which means they don’t care about your oc so much as they care about being able to project anyway. they already know why they’d be into this canon character. you don’t need to do anything there (which to be clear you do you, that just holds very little appeal for me for various reasons. live your dreams my friends)

and it’s just weird to me that people will write things where. it’s characters who don’t interact much. and then they don’t put any effort into making the reader ship it? they jump straight to “both characters are yearning and have been since they met” because they ship it, and they don’t require buildup, and I’m like “but how did you get here. why does it matter that they’re doing these things for each other.” and a lot of it tends to be a lack of deep characterisation, so it could be any two guys being gay (or. any ship. i’m maybe thinking about Certain Popular Gay Ships in fandom but also calling out baby me’s destiel obsession specifically. it’s fine no judgment but also fandom has a white gay man problem and that is a different post entirely) - and a lot of it also seems to be like. allosexual people (I assume from uhhh sexytime context clues) and definitely alloromantic people thinking that attraction alone is the legwork. like there’s nothing else to prove about a relationship. they like each other, boom, romance.

when you’re writing a romance, you don’t just have to have the characters woo each other (which. as a reader of both fic romance and original, published romances, let me tell you a lot of writers don’t even do that) - you have to make the ship woo the readers. draw us in. prove to us in word and action that these two care, make each other better (or worse, I write some toxic codependent shit too), that there is some reason to want them together and not settle for whatever preexisting dynamic they have. why does it matter that these people are in love? why are these obstacles worth overcoming? what does it add to a non-romance story to have this ship in it?

I would like romances that romance me, damn it

[emistiel]

10 questions for writers

tagged by the great and silly @avspol (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

how many works do you have on ao3? 5 on... this account

what's your total ao3 wordcount? 163,300

what fandoms do you write for? currently only actively working on & publishing an MCU spiderman fic! in the past have written (and not necessarily published) for zelda, spn, james bond, the musketeers, how to train your dragon and others

do you respond to comments? why or why not? yes i reply to all! because i like to acknowledge someone taking the time to say something & sometimes it leads to really lovely exchanges with people ❤️

have you ever had a fic stolen? no thankfully but i think i came close once when several people in my fic writers mutual circle had theirs stolen

have you ever cowritten a fic before? in all but name, yes,,, tho the main one time it was a very stupid chatfic so worked with the format lol. i did also effectively write a whole fic concept start to finish with someone. I'm open to trying properly with someone with a similar style to me maybe? but also uhhh scary xx

what's your all time favourite ship? oh god of all time is impossible surely? in terms of its sheer insanity & long reaching impact though i guess I'd have to say destiel. never gonna be another like it fellas. unmatched media experience

what are your writing strengths? i think i am good at descriptions! i set scenes well particularly by focusing on details. others have complimented me on my characterisation which always makes me blush like a slut like. what

what are your writing weaknesses? oh god being fucking concise I'm ngl sfsgshshvshsf like shut up bitch! hand in hand with that – actually finishing anything 😃🔫 stylistically tho i think my connective material between scenes can be shite and i easily get stuck not knowing how to move forward/link scenes so just have to go with some bs

first fandom you wrote for? properly wrote for was zelda! long long time ago!

i actually don't think im mutuals with any other writers atm LMAO so kinda don't have anyone to tag??? but if anyone is interested, be my guest 😅

[marmolita]

WIP ask game!

Rules: Post the names of the files of your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you asks with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it. If you want, tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I was tagged by @r3zuri ! This is a pile of wips across many fandoms and a decade of time, none of which are actively being worked on but hey, maybe they should be. I excluded things that I started and then decided they were garbage, as well as half formed ideas and completely jossed ideas, and the handful of wips I talked about a lot before but lbr if I haven't gotten to them yet I'm not gonna. So, these are the ones that had some promise that would be fun to finish some day!

post-canon destiel (Supernatural)

supergirl fake sex slave (Supergirl)

Jon/Basira (the Magnus Archives)

Sepe/Jarvy a/b/o (hockey rpf)

2322 (Stargate Atlantis)

Rodney/Elizabeth precanon (Stargate Atlantis)

D/s-verse Enterprise (Star Trek: Enterprise)

Rentboy followup - Octavia (The 100)

girl Ignis brotherhood (FFXV)

wet dreams (FFXV)

girl!Noct/Ravus (FFXV)

Elsa!Miro (hockey rpf)

Seventeen times as high as the moon (orig fic)

also while doing this I found a couple of whole-ass fics I never posted, oops

tagging @notthequiettype @wildehacked uhhh @crosbyism and anyone else who wants to do it! or not, no pressure!

[seenthisepisode]

"What... What broke the connection?", Dean asks and Castiel is speechless.

He knows. He knows, he knows, he knows; he can't name it though. He is still way too new at this, he is still too overwhelmed, and he still doesn't know what is going on.

"I don't know", he stutters eventually, and disappears before they have a chance to begin a real conversation. He rests his forehead on the bus' window and he does something angels aren't allowed to do.

He daydreams.

*

“I am sorry I kicked you out of the bunker”, Dean says, and it looks like he truly is sorry and feels bad and Castiel wants to brush it off and forgive him; no, actually Castiel would gladly pretend it never ever happened.

But there is something bitter in his mouth. He wants to scream at Dean, because he is hurt, because the one person he would bet everything on, that one person betrayed him when he was at his lowest. Castiel feels sick but in a twisted way he understands. There was never anything more important to Dean than Sam. And it was never Dean’s choice or fault. 

And it’s a whole conversation they should have, or at least Dean should have with someone, and Cas wants to talk to Dean, to really get to speak with him,  but something stops him. 

“It’s okay”, he manages to say eventually, “You were stupid for the right reasons.”.

*

"I love you. I love all of you", Cas says, bleeding out and dying in that barn.

Cas, don't you dare die on me, not like that, not so sudden, not like... Just don't, it can't be happening, it's not how this ends, not before you know, not before you know how much you mean to me- to all of us, Cas just please, don't, I promise, I swear, I will be better, and I will find a good, no, I will find the best moment to finally say what you deserve to hear, but just. Don't die. God, please don't let him die-

The sound of Crowley breaking the spear in two brings Dean back to reality. Cas is alive and okay again. Dean lets out a deep breath. He still has time.

He feels like Desmond in that show he used to watch in the motel rooms years ago. He finally understands the relief he felt when the hieroglyphs turned into 0:01 once again.

*

"Cas, you just gave up entire army for one guy", Dean says, jokingly, but this is not a joke. Castiel doesn't know what to say again.

When Hannah gave him a choice, the words came easily.

"No", he said when he chose Dean, again. But now? He doesn't know what to say.

Yes. I chose you over an army of angels. I would always choose you over Heaven. 

But he knows, for some reason, that these words are tricky. They could potentially lead to another conversation. And he wasn't ready for it.

*

"What about all of this is real?!", Dean yells, angry, so angry, and he takes that anger out on the wrong person, again, and he knows it, and he hates it, but the words just come out of his mouth

(why the other words, good words never do?)

and he is even more angry at himself, at God, at his father, at everything, because his life? Was never his to begin with, it belonged to others and he had no say in anything. He just had to play the part.

So he takes it out on the only person who sees through that anger.

And Castiel takes it, as always.

"We are", Cas says bitterly as he leaves the room. Even though Castiel was an angel, he was far better with words than Dean is ever going to be. Dean wants to scream but he is speechless.

*

"And why, when something goes wrong, it always seems to be you", Dean says it and Castiel suspects that he regretted it instantly, because he knows him, but the words hurt like a bitch anyway. Dean feels dead inside (was he ever truly alive? what does it even mean?) and everything's wrong.

So he takes it out on Cas again. He hates it but he does it anyway.

The look on Castiel's face makes Dean want to go back to hell, because this guilt is worse than hell, hell was easy in a way, this? This is complicated and delicate.

"I think it's time for me to move on", Cas says slowly and rightfully so, and Dean wants to scream, to beg him to stay, to fall to his knees and beg, pray, for forgiveness, but he can't speak. The words are stuck, and he is stuck, and the world seems to have stopped turning. But it still does, and Cas is gone.

*

"I love you", Cas says again and Dean's brain can't respond. "Goodbye, Dean".

Those last words echo in Dean's mind for days, weeks, months. Years. He hears them when he is awake and he hears them in his dreams.

In his dreams he doesn't stay silent. In his dreams he pushes through whatever was holding him back, and he speaks. He finds his voice and he says, he finally says what he wanted to say since what feels like forever.

He says "I love you, too, and I am sorry. I am sorry for everything. But it can't- it won't end like this".

In his dreams he finally asks Cas to stay.

In his dreams he kisses him.

The Empty always takes Cas anyway.

These unspoken words are always with him, wherever he is. They are with him when he aimlessly drives the Impala through the States. They are with him when he finally finds Castiel in the Empty and drags him back to Earth, back to life.

As he holds on to the angel, he finally lets these unspoken words out. Everything he never said, I want you to stay, I want you, he whispers frantically as he kisses Castiel's face, Please never ever leave me again, he says as he presses his forehead to Castiel's. I will do better, he promises, as he holds Cas as close as he can, I will be all that you want and thought you couldn't have. And more, he promises. 

And he keeps that promise. 

And Cas is happy. They both are.

______________________

@emeraldcas  , we don’t talk a lot but I saw your prompt for today (words unspoken) and I was like. THIS is the reason why I was listening to Precious by Depeche Mode all day. So. please accept this humble ficlet that your prompt inspired. Ily and congrats on 1k followers!!!!!

[loserchildhotpants]

fic writer asks 1, 4, 16, & 37

fic writer asks

1] i don't know that i prefer writing one-shots or chaptered fics over each other as much as i am not a person able to be succinct and so i wind up just writing multi-chapter things all the time skjdfhsdkhjf theoretically i LOVE writing one-shots, but in practice, i write novels

4] where do i find inspiration... uh... i genuinely have no idea. most of the time i'll be rotating my 3d model blorbos in my head and then be like 'oohhh what if they Kissed and there were Circumstances' and then i am Haunted. altho tbh rn i am writing a fic (it is not at all posted on AO3 yet) im 40k words in and abt halfway done w it and im writing it out of spite and a need to right a wrong

16] share my current fic ideas? slkdfjlskdjfh hooo boy.

i've got my Cas Gets Smacked With A Truth Spell fic - that's a WIP and it's on AO3, it's gonna be updated soon but [redacted] fic mentioned in the answer above has taken top priority to finish first so there's that. I have a destiel WIP that is in no way god honoring and the working title rn is just Ritual Sex Fic (think fuck or die situations w magick fuckery and monsterfucking), a WIP i've been referring to as 'Other!Dean' (a Dean from another timeline comes to the canon timeline and he's basically the same as canon Dean except for one seriously major difference and it causes general mayhem at the bunker for TFW), another WIP w the working title Winner Takes It All but idk that i'll keep it like that (post canon fix-it but w just a shit ton of suffering first, features jealous!Dean), another WIP that just has the WIP title 'Widower Cas Arc' (... things can be surmised i think), i've got a fic series idea that's gonna be just small vignettes of endverse!destiel and how they came to be/how they fell apart, and i am currently working my ass off on what will be my first ever crossover fic. i cannot share more than that, but i am v excited abt it. i also have a handful of destiel prompts sitting in my inbox, and i'd like to work on those whenever i allow myself to breathe again : )

37] how do i choose when to end a chapter... uhhh... usually the vibes? i mean, sometimes im like 'oh this is such an evil cliffhanger' and i do it just to be evil, but most of the time im like 'this FEELS like a good stopping point' but listen i write by the seat of my pants i have no plans and i never know what im doing

thank u for asking me stuff <3333

[cowboyadjacent]

Castiel watches the fish leave the water for the first time.

It stumbles out on wobbly legs, unsure where it’s going

He watches and he counts

four

six

thirteen

It takes fourteen steps before it stops and stares

exactly twelve beats of its tiny heart pass before Castiel has to turn his gaze away

He hopes the fish will be alright.

One of his many eyes stays on the fish almost absently. A part of his mind keeps counting every beat of its heart until the day it stops

it seems important. (important for what, he’s not quite sure)

Castiel could have recited that number in his sleep. If he slept, that is

Castiel watches Dean Winchester claw his way out of his own grave. He’s not quite sure why he didn’t make this easier, but something about it seems familiar, something about it seems important

Dean stumbles out on wobbly legs, unsure where he’s going

Castiel watches and he counts

four

six

thirteen

He takes fourteen steps before he stops and stares

Castiel watches, and this time he does not look away

He hopes Dean will he alright.

A part of his mind keeps counting every beat of Dean’s heart until the day he can no longer hear it

he’s been told to keep an eye on him, after all. (he tries very hard to believe that’s why he does it)

He could have recited that number in his sleep, before, but the memory of it is hazy now. just barely out of reach

Cas burrows deeper into Dean’s chest. the sound of his heartbeat is familiar still, but it sounds far away now, harder to make out. But there’s another sound, new, strange.

A steady rise and fall of his own chest joins Dean’s, and Cas forgets to regret, forgets to be bitter. He falls asleep counting their shared breaths, and if he realizes with a pang he’s lost count again when he wakes up in the morning, well.

The sinking feeling in his stomach is nothing, compared to Dean’s sleepy smile across the pillow.

[bornwantingmore]

Binary Stars

Summary: Castiel possesses Dean. 

(Yeah, I’m writing SPN fan fiction now. Mind ya business.)

Binary star system: Noun. Astronomy. A system of two stars in which one star revolves around the other or both revolve round a common center. Locked in the constant chase of hunter and hunted, the two stars spend their lifespans circling around the other’s orbit, never able to touch, always just out of reach. 

---

It started, much like everything else complicated in the lives of Dean and Castiel, with a hunt gone wrong. 

Read on AO3

The sunlight was filtering through the dingy hotel room’s curtains as Rowena examined Castiel with a series of powders, juices, and soft-spoken Latin chants. Dean watched as he leaned against the wall, subtly texting Sam an update on their hunt. Dean and Castiel had been trying to take out a witch just west of Lincoln when she blew a shimmering powder into Castiel’s face. He had spent the following few minutes coughing up a lung while Dean shot the witch between the eyebrows. Unsure what to do, they called Rowena when they returned to the hotel room. She was leaning over Castiel as he sat on the side of one of the beds. 

“It’s bad.” Rowena finally said, her eyes flicking between Dean and Castiel. “You boys tussled with the wrong witch.”

Dean sighed and kicked off the wall he was leaning on. “Awesome.”

“What did she do to me?” Castiel’s eyes calmly tracked Dean for a moment before they flicked to meet Rowena’s gaze. 

“You mean you can’t tell?” Rowena raised her eyebrows and looked away. “That’s not a good sign.”

“Cut the crap, Rowena,” Dean growled. “Can you fix it?”

Rowena sighed. “Aye, the spell’s not built for fixing.”

“Remind me why you’re here, then?” Dean took a half-step towards Rowena. 

“Dean,” Castiel said, stopping him in his tracks with just a word. He turned back to Rowena. “Explain. Please.”

“Well,” Rowena paused as she thought. She pursed her lips, choosing her words carefully. “It was a homemade spell designed to erase an angel’s grace. It starts slow, which must be why you can’t feel it yet. It will continue to get faster and faster as time goes on.”

Dean threw his hands up. “Awesome.”

“You said that already,” Castiel grumbled. 

The two men shared tense eye contact for a few charged moments. 

“You haven’t seen any hex bags today, correct?” Rowena asked, causing them both to look back at her. 

Castiel stood up and moved his eyes around the room before ending on Rowena. “I would be able to sense if there were any present.”

Rowena nodded and hummed her approval. “And the witch who cast the spell is now dead?”

“Yes,” Dean said, stepping forward. “I made sure of that.”

“Lovely,” she said, making it clear that she thought that it was anything but. “She must have been a powerful one then, if the spell is surviving past her.”

Castiel grimaced. “What can we do?”

“Do?” Rowena began to gather her supplies back into her large purse. “There isn’t much that can be done, I’m afraid.”

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel beat him to the punch. “But there is something.”

Rowena sighed. “You’re not going to like it.”

Dean and Castiel both leveled Rowena with steady stares. She closed her eyes to center herself before speaking again, opening them to look at Castiel. 

“You’re going to need to leave your vessel,” she finally said.

Her statement hung in the air for a few moments before anyone else spoke, heavy in the crisp air-conditioned room. Castiel hardly reacted except to blink, but Dean was visibly agitated. 

“No way.” Dean shook his head. 

Rowena laughed drily. “Have you got a better idea, then?”

“Dean,” Castiel cut in, nipping their cat fight in the bud. “I’ve been without a vessel before.”

“So, what?” Dean turned his attention to Castiel. “You’re just gonna find some other holy trench coat to possess?”

Castiel turned his head slightly to look at Dean directly.

“Not necessarily,” Rowena interrupted. “The spell is only affecting Castiel’s physical form. If he were to” —she struggled to find the word for a moment— “exit, the spell would run its course and eventually fizzle out. I don’t see why he couldn’t return after that.”

“And how long’s that gonna take?” Dean asked. 

Rowena made a noncommittal sound as she examined Castiel lightly with her eyes. “Oh, a few days to be safe. These things move faster when the mind isn’t present.”

“So what, right before he starts to rot away?” 

Castiel lowered his chin slightly and looked at Dean. “My vessel, Dean. It’s not me.”

Rowena held up a finger and rooted through her purse as the men had an impromptu staring contest. After a moment, she pulled out a small hex bag. It fit snugly in the palm of her hand. She loosened the string tying it together slightly to create an opening. 

“This will help keep your vessel in working shape while you’re away,” she said, presenting the hex bag to Castiel. “I just need a drop of dear Mr. Novak’s blood.”

As Dean was rustling through his pockets to pass Castiel his knife, Castiel just bit the tip of his index finger with his front teeth. He held the finger over the bag as the blood welled up and finally dripped down. When the droplet of blood hit the bag, a barely-visible puff of blue smoke was created. Castiel ran his thumb over his index finger, healing the small nip. 

“Perfect,” Rowena said as she retied the string, nonplussed by Castiel’s behavior. She passed the completed hex bag to Castiel. “This will keep the lights on while you’re not home. Keep it in one of your pockets until you return.”

Castiel nodded and put the hex bag in the inside pocket of his trench coat. 

Rowena continued, “I suggest that you leave your vessel before you go to bed. There hasn’t been any damage done that you won’t recover from, but that won’t be the case when you wake up tomorrow.”

“I don’t sleep.”

She smiled sweetly at him. “Sometime before whatever it is you do at night, then.”

The group eventually made their way through saying farewells and Rowena left, leaving Dean and Castiel alone. Dean was tense. It was hard for him to think of Castiel’s body as just an empty husk to be filled. 

“Dean,” Castiel said, breaking the silence that fell when Rowena left. “This is a manageable problem. There is no need to worry.”

Dean scoffed. “What, me worry?” He sighed and grabbed his keys from where they were sitting on the nightstand. “Let’s get back to the bunker before you do anything crazy.”

Castiel nodded and followed Dean outside of the hotel room. 

The two men continued in silence as they pulled out of the hotel parking lot. Castiel had come to appreciate silence in his time on Earth, but this particular moment rang with unsaid words. He knew that Dean would voice what he needed to say before too long. This time, he only had to wait for three-and-a-half Metallica songs. 

“So.” Dean said, finally breaking the silence. “You’re leaving your vessel.”

“Yes.” Castiel straightened his back and watched the dotted yellow lines disappear beneath them. 

Dean snuck a peek at Castiel. He nervously bit the inside of his cheek. No one spoke for another few moments. 

“Well, are you gonna ask me or not?”

Castiel replied casually, “Ask you what?”

“To be your new vessel.” Dean snuck another peek in Castiel’s direction, taking time to rake his eyes across his face. “If I can handle Michael, then I can handle you. Right?”

“Dean. I couldn’t ask that of you.”

Dean reached over to turn the music down. “Humor me.”

Castiel gave an angel’s impression of an eye roll. “Dean Winchester, are you willing to give your body and mind over to my cause?”

“Yes,” Dean said. His response was immediate. He looked over at Castiel, lips not fully closed. 

“You can’t mean that.” Castiel didn’t seem to be impressed. 

“It’s better than spending a week as a holy cloud of gas and you know it.”

Castiel moved his gaze in Dean’s direction, not quite looking directly at him yet. He couldn’t disagree. “Your history with Michael—” 

“You’re not Michael.” Dean shook his head lightly, turning back to the road. “Come on, Cas. If everyone was the same as their older brothers, Sam would be blacklisted from about twenty more bars than he already is.”

Castiel didn’t seem to be persuaded. He looked anywhere except Dean’s face. 

“Dean. I do not wish to cross any boundaries here.” He finally raised his gaze to meet Dean’s. “You understand that saying yes will give me unfettered access to your body and soul.”

“Look at me. I get it.” Dean quirked his lips humorlessly into a smirk. “I’ve been a hunter my whole life, I know what possession is.” He paused and sighed, tearing his eyes from the road to look at Castiel, speaking clearly. “I trust you. I’m saying yes.”

Castiel still didn’t look convinced. Dean sighed. 

Dean let out a humorless laugh as he rubbed his thumb on the steering wheel nervously. “Listen, man,” he said, his voice an olive branch. “I could learn how to say it in Enochian if English ain’t enough.”

Castiel finally met his gaze again. “I can remain unobstructive while we share a vessel.”

“I’ve already said yes, no need to keep selling,” Dean said, then hesitated. “So long as I get to stay behind the wheel.”

“Of course, Dean.” Castiel leaned imperceptibly closer to him. “I would never strip you of your autonomy.”

Dean nodded. “Good.” He paused, then echoed, “Good.” He looked back to the road. 

---

The bunker door slammed loud enough to ring through the halls. Dean gave a holler to Sam anyway, in case he didn’t hear him and Castiel come in. 

Sam walked into the room from the direction of his bedroom. “What the hell, Dean?” he said. “You can’t just text me, ‘Cas got witched. Be back before midnight.’ and then not respond.”

“Aren’t you the one who gets on me about texting and driving?” Dean smirked at Sam. “Just being a safe driver. ‘Sides, you could have used Cas’ phone. We got him one for a reason.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shifted his focus to Castiel. “I tried calling Cas, but it went straight to voicemail.”

“My phone stopped working a while ago.” Castiel pulled it out of his pocket. “It no longer turns on.”

Dean grabbed the phone from Castiel and examined it, testing the power button a few times. “When’s the last time you plugged it in?”

“Plugged it into what?”

Dean dropped his hands and looked at Castiel. “The wall, Cas.” He looked over at Sam pleadingly. Sam chuckled. 

“You have to charge it for a few hours every day or two,” Sam said. “I’ll put a charger in your room later.”

Castiel took his phone back from Dean. “I see. I will be more mindful of that in the future.”

Dean walked down the stairs into the main room area, Castiel following closely behind. 

“I’m going to grab a beer, want one?” Dean called over his shoulder as he headed towards the kitchen. 

Sam sat at the table. “Sure.”

“You’re getting one too, Cas,” Dean said, not waiting for a response from him. 

Castiel nodded and sat across from Sam as Dean left the room. 

“I’m beginning to appreciate the taste of beer,” he said to Sam. “The creation process behind it is very compelling.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Sam chuckled airly. “So, what happened with the witch? You look totally normal to me.”

“I’m glad I look normal.” Castiel sighed. “The spell is one that targets my grace, so humans are unable to see what the witch has done.”

Sam frowned. “Are you okay?”

“The damage so far is minimal.” Castiel shrugged. “I hardly noticed until Rowena brought it up. She said that the rate at which the spell devours my grace would increase unless I left my vessel.” 

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “And you’re gonna do that? Leave your vessel, I mean.”

“I have no other choice,” Castiel said. “But my vessel will survive without me until the spell runs its course.” Anticipating Sam’s question, he added, “I’ll be able to return to this vessel in a few day’s time.”

“Huh.” Sam leaned back in his chair for a moment. “So will you just” —he waved his hand through the air nervously— “float around all day?”

“No, I—”

Castiel was cut off by Dean re-entering the room, holding three beers. “Brewski time!” he called, waggling the beers with one hand. He put a beer in front of Sam and Castiel, then took one of the open seats at the table and took a swig from his own bottle. 

“Dean, Cas was just telling me about what happened,” Sam said. He looked back over to Castiel. “Sorry, I’d offer to help, but I have a… history with angels using me as a vessel.” He gave an awkward half-smile. 

“I understand,” Castiel said, returning a small smile in Sam’s direction. 

“You don’t have to worry ‘bout a thing, Sammy.” Dean took another sip of his beer. For some reason, he felt nervous to tell Sam. He pushed it down. “Cas is gonna stay with me.”

Sam smirked and looked down at his beer bottle. “And you’re cool with that?”

“What? Lucifer didn’t wear me to the prom.”

“Dude.” Sam looked up to lazily glare at Dean. 

Dean was sufficiently cowed. “What, too soon?”

“Yeah, too soon.” Sam rolled his eyes and laughed under his breath. “Forever would be too soon.”

“I’m going to leave my vessel before morning,” Castiel noted, gracefully changing the subject. “Would you like to be in the room while it happens?”

Dean stiffened imperceptibly. 

“I’m sure you two can handle it,” Sam said, taking a sip from his beer. “I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.”

“Well,” Dean said, setting his beer on the table and moving to get out of his chair. “What do you say, Cas? No time like the present?”

Castiel’s eyebrows drew together. He looked up at Dean and then back down at his beer. “I’d like to finish this first. It’s pleasant to drink with you two.”

“Come on, Dean.” Sam laughed and lifted his beer in Dean’s direction. “Waste not, want not.”

Dean chuckled to cover his blooming blush. He relaxed back into his chair. “I’m just glad we corrupted an angel.”

---

Dean and Castiel ended up in one of the extra bedrooms, one which Dean liked to call Castiel’s room. Castiel hardly used it. He was sitting on top of the unwrinkled bed covers while Dean was pacing, trying to tamper his anxiety. 

“So, this possession thing.” Dean looked over carefully to Castiel. “Does it hurt?”

Castiel’s eyes tracked Dean’s movements. “What do you mean?”

“The whole...” Dean waved a hand around as he thought of how to word it. “Smoke-in-the-mouth thing. I mean, I smoked my fair share as a teen, but I’m no iron lung.”

The drug reference gave Castiel pause. “The process shouldn’t be painful. It may feel uncomfortable at times as your body attunes to housing a celestial being. You may experience sensations that the human body is not equipped to feel.”

“Lucky me,” Dean said breathlessly.

Castiel nodded. “Lucky you.”

Castiel swung his legs on top of his bed, shoes and all. He leaned against the headboard in a sitting position. Dean bit his tongue when he worried about the dirt tracking onto the sheets. 

“How would you like me?” Castiel asked once he settled. 

Dean tripped on his tongue for a moment. “Like you?”

“My vessel,” Castiel clarified. “How would you like it to be positioned while I’m away?”

A breath escaped Dean’s lungs. Castiel had to know what he was doing when he said things like that. 

“However you want, bud.” Dean flexed his jaw and swallowed. “It’s up to you, I won’t be coming in here until the spell times out.”

Castiel hummed and scooted forward so that he had the space to lie down completely, but he propped himself up on his elbows to keep Dean in his eyesight. He was lying on his back with his trenchcoat puddled around him like an aura. 

“Are you sure you’re willing to do this, Dean?”

Dean walked over to the side of Castiel’s bed. “My answer hasn’t changed since the last time you asked.”

“I’m serious.” Castiel’s voice compelled Dean to look him in the eyes. “I would not think any less of you for changing your mind in the eleventh hour.”

“You’re my friend, Cas.” Dean’s hand reached out to pat him on the shoulder before he realized that it was too far away to reach. For lack of a better location, he patted Castiel’s thigh where it was resting on the bed. “Friends help each other out.”

Castiel furrowed his brows as he watched Dean’s hand touch his thigh. Dean moved his hand back to its neutral position once he noticed Castiel looking. He felt a blush begin to heat his face without understanding why. 

“Besides,” Dean started, trying to distract from the building burning in his cheeks. “It’s a win-win. You get a vacation in Casa Winchester and I get to go a few days without seeing your ugly mug.”

Castiel’s eyebrows drew together even more. “You think I’m ugly?”

“Of course not,” Dean backtracked immediately. “I’m sure you’re, y’know, good looking. For a guy.” Dean would have to change the subject if he didn’t want Castiel to notice his blushing cheeks. “It’s just something people say.”

Dean wouldn’t know where to put Castiel on the traditional 1-10 scale of hotness. He lived on a different scale entirely. 

“I see.” Castiel relaxed his arms and allowed his gaze to trail up to the ceiling. “I never understood human beauty standards. I have a hard time evaluating my vessel.”

Great, Dean thought as he put a few feet of distance between him and the bed. I gave the angel a complex. 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, man.” Dean tried to backtrack. “Chicks dig the whole dorky, just rolled out of bed look.”

Castiel hummed idly and then lifted himself to look Dean in the eye again. “Are you ready to be possessed?”

Dean had long since gotten used to Castiel’s abrupt non sequiturs. 

“Should I sit down?” Dean moved towards an empty chair a few feet away from the bed. 

“That would be smart.”

Dean carried the chair to the side of the bed and sat in it. It was strange to see Castiel laying down. The only other times that Dean had seen him in this position, he was bloodied from a fight. Castiel moved his arms to lie down completely, turning his head on the pillow to look at Dean. 

“Dean Winchester, will you let me in?”

“Castiel,” Dean breathed. He shivered in anticipation. “Yes.”

It wasn’t like the demon possessions he had seen, where the victim screamed as the demon’s black cloud rushed into their mouth. Castiel closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. A small, wavering tendril of bright smoke seeped out of his mouth. This was Castiel, more so than anything related to Jimmy Novak’s body. Dean’s adrenaline spiked as the tendril began to close the distance between them. It meandered through the air of Castiel’s bedroom like lazy cascading waves on a shoreline. Dean’s mouth opened and he tilted his chin towards the smoke without being aware he was doing so. 

The tendril of Castiel finally reached Dean’s lips. For a moment, it felt like he had used TV static as chapstick. The static feeling filled Dean’s throat. It spread over his head and spilled down his chest as more of Castiel flowed through him. It felt like the borders of his body were being erased, like he was expanding to fill the bedroom. His head was floaty and blurry, as if he was back to being seventeen and smoking Js with other nomads outside of run-down hotels. 

It was as if he had a whole new sense awakened in him. How could you explain sight to someone who was born blind? He felt his thoughts being pushed to the side to make space in his head for another entity. His body went blank for a moment before he scrambled to gain control. The feeling, which had to be Castiel, let him gather it up from the corners of his awareness. His limbs were left feeling like they fell asleep. He compressed Castiel to right at the base of his neck, behind his collarbones. He felt raw energy thrumming in the back of his mind. 

Dean opened his eyes. He hadn’t been aware that he closed them. Sam was banging on the other side of the door. They must have been making noise, even if he didn’t realize it. He stumbled up from his chair and almost instantly banged his shin against the bed frame. 

“Shit!” Dean yelped. The lightbulbs in the room popped in a sharp shatter of glass. He flinched at the noise. 

Sam yelled from behind the door, “Dean?”

“Yeah, give me a second!” Dean responded, traversing through the bedroom in the relative darkness. His adrenaline was still pumping, leaving him feeling tight and thready. He finally made it to the door and opened it for Sam. 

Sam looked different. It looked like someone had taken a long exposure photograph of him while he was moving. There was a glow to his body that made it look like he was radioactive. It made Dean feel like he was burning. He screwed his eyes shut. 

“Dean, are you okay?”

“Cas.” A growl came out of Dean’s throat and he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Whatever it is you’re doing, man, you need to pull up. This is too much.”

“Dean?”

Dean felt the fizzy numbness of his body recede even further. His body felt almost normal. His eyes opened hesitantly. 

“...Cas?” Sam asked, going out on a limb.

“Still me,” Dean said, shaking his head. He could finally look at Sam directly without feeling like his face was melting. He sighed. 

“Are you okay? Your eyes were...” Sam peeked around Dean to see Castiel’s empty vessel laying on the bed. “Is he…?”

Dean tapped the side of his head. “All up here. We’re good.”

Dean stepped aside so that Sam could enter the room. Sam flicked the lightswitch a few times but the room stayed dark. He looked at Dean accusingly. 

“What can I say? I got my go-go juice.”

Sam rolled his eyes and used his phone flashlight to examine the body of Jimmy Novak. Dean followed him and lingered by the bed. 

“He’s still breathing,” Sam said. He hesitated before adding, “Do you think he needs…”

Dean curled his upper lip. “Depends?”

Sam and Dean both stared blankly at Jimmy’s empty body. 

“I’m not opening that can of worms,” Dean finally said. He patted Sam’s shoulder as he moved past him to leave the room. “I’m starving.”

Dean stumbled as he walked down the hallway. He was in the kitchen for just long enough to grab bread, peanut butter, and jelly by the time Sam entered the room. 

“Do you feel any different?” Sam asked hesitantly, lingering by the doorway. 

Dean nodded while spreading peanut butter on a piece of bread. “I feel like I ran a freakin’ marathon.” He ran his thumb on the side of the knife to gather the remaining peanut butter and stuck it in his mouth. “I’m gonna eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, eat another, down a beer, and then crash for the night.”

Sam smiled and huffed air out his nose. That was the Dean he knew. “Is Cas talking to you?”

Dean looked up to tell Sam no, but jolted when he wasn’t standing by the doorway anymore. He looked around the room and flinched again when he realized Sam was a few feet to his side. 

“Son of a bitch, when did Cas teach you to teleport?”

Sam looked confused for a second before realization dawned on him. “Cas took over for a few minutes. He told me that everything is going according to plan. It will take a few hours for you to get ‘attuned’ enough to communicate. Whatever that means.”

“Damnit Cas, I told you to let me stay behind the wheel.” Dean said with very little heat behind his words. 

“He said that would be the only time.” Sam motioned to the counter where Dean was making his sandwich earlier. “He apologized.”

Instead of the half-made peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Dean was making, there was now a plate of two completed sandwiches (cut into triangles) and an opened bottle of one of Dean’s favorite beers, fresh from the fridge. Dean’s stomach growled.

Dean picked up the plate of food and the beer. “He’s forgiven. This time.”

---

Dean woke up and headed to the bathroom on autopilot, his bladder sending alarm bells to his brain. He went through the motions as usual, yawning and scratching his tummy as he relieved himself. When he looked down to make sure that the tank was empty, he felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him. His eyebrows pulled together and he touched his cheeks with a free hand. There was no reason why he should be blushing as he takes a whizz. He would have to do some googling later. He filed the feeling away in his mind, and the embarrassment passed as he put himself away and moved to the sink to wash his hands. 

Dean jolted when he saw his reflection move without him in the mirror. He furrowed his brows and looked pointedly down at the faucet. 

“Am I hallucinating?” he asked the empty bathroom. 

His own voice answered him. “If Sam were to walk in right now, he would see you talking to yourself.” Dean’s eyes flicked back up to the mirror. His reflection’s voice was grittier than normal, as if he ate a bowl of gravel for breakfast. “But you are not hallucinating. This is one way I can communicate with you.”

Dean laughed dryly and shook his head, looking away again. “This is weird, man. I feel like Jamie Lee Curtis.”

He had almost forgotten what had happened the night before in his post-hunt adrenaline crash. The reflection, which must be Castiel, had better posture than he’d ever had in his life. It looked like he’d gained an inch in height. 

“I can remain completely dormant if you’d prefer.” Castiel kept Dean’s body still as he spoke, save for the slight tilt of his head. “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable.”

Seeing someone using his meatsuit would normally make his hand itch for a silver blade, but something about this felt different. 

Dean shook his head slightly. “No big deal. Anything else I should know about beside this whole” —he waved his hand half-heartedly at the mirror— “Mulan thing?”

“I am passively aware of the sensory input you receive,” Castiel said, lowering his eyes. “But I am able to focus my attention elsewhere when you require privacy.”

Dean felt the tips of his ears begin to burn as he remembered what he had just been doing. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “So what, you’ve been busy reading my thoughts?”

Dean’s reflection tilted his head and lowered his eyebrows slightly. Seeing Castiel’s mannerisms on his body made his hands twitch. He had to stop himself from touching the mirror. To shatter it or caress it, he didn’t know. 

“The mind of a shared vessel is difficult to describe in terms you can understand,” Cas shared after a pregnant pause. “There is no branch of human studies that can be used as an accurate reference.”

“You’re an angel,” Dean said, flexing his fingers. “I’m sure you can dumb it down for me.”

Castiel took a moment before speaking, no doubt firing a trillion of his and Dean’s currently shared synapses. “We share subconscious minds in this state, but our conscious minds remain our own. Instincts and emotions are shared before coherent thought.”

Something clicked in Dean’s mind. “Wait, was that…” Dean bit his tongue. He hesitated before speaking again, pointedly not looking Castiel in the face. “Were you embarrassed earlier?”

Dean’s reflection avoided eye contact. “I understand that humans are very protective of their genitalia. I apologize. I did not intend to—”

Dean cut him off. “Okay, we’re not going to talk about genitalia. New rule.” Dean worked furiously to think of a way to change the subject. Finally, “Why don’t I feel any different?”

Castiel looked thankful for the prompt. “Human senses aren’t accustomed to celestial intent. You felt that when I first entered your body. It will slowly become more comprehensible as we continue sharing the same vessel.”

Dean barked out a short laugh to distract from thinking about it too much. “Thanks for the fine print. Anything I should be on the lookout for?”

“Nothing major.” Dean kept expecting to see Castiel’s blue eyes when their gazes linked. Something about making eye contact with himself felt weird. “You were created to house the most powerful archangel in heaven, so there’s no chance of unintentional damage to your body on my behalf.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, bud.” Dean raised his eyebrows at his reflection. “You can be scrappy.”

Seeing his reflection give a small, easy smile was something that Dean hadn’t seen in a while. 

After a small pause, Dean swallowed and cleared his throat, speaking carefully. “Listen, can you—”

As if reading his thoughts, Dean’s reflection changed to Jimmy Novak, trenchcoat and all. 

“Is this better?” Castiel asked, back to his normal appearance. 

Dean’s lips quirked up. It was nice to hear his voice again. “Yeah.” His mouth was a little dry. He tried again. “Yeah, Cas. That’s better.”

Castiel smiled at him before dissolving into Dean’s reflection. Dean lifted his hand and rubbed his face, watching his reflection follow his movements exactly. Everything was back to normal. He nodded at the empty mirror and turned on his heel to start his day. 

---

After a cup of coffee for breakfast, Dean started to become aware of how dirty he was. He never actually had the chance to take a shower after the fight with the witch. Thankfully, she was staying in a classy apartment rather than a cabin in the woods, but still. He probably smelled like an entire gym locker room. He put it off for as long as he could, not knowing how to bring it up to Castiel. He almost made it to noon by reading lore in a storage room before Sam leaned over him to see what the book said and scrunched his nose. 

“Dude, come on. You stink so bad,” Sam said. 

Dean rolled his eyes and stood up from where he was sitting. He gave Sam a shit-eating grin. “I smell like a bed of roses.”

“Sure, maybe one that a dog just peed in.” Sam chuckled under his breath. “Maybe you can ask Cas to zap you clean.”

“I’ll just do it the old-fashioned way.” Dean scooted around Sam and made his way to exit the room. “Kids these days, always looking for the easy way out.”

“Dude, I’m 32!” Sam yelled after him as he entered the hallway. 

Dean chuckled at his own humor as he walked to his bedroom to grab a fresh set of clothes. Once he realized that he needed a shower, everything felt uncomfortable. It would be nice to get under the bunker’s perfect water pressure again. 

He spent a longer time than normal picking out clothes, still putting off having to deal with Castiel possessing him while he showers. Finally, he entered the bathroom he claimed as his own. There was just enough space for the basics: toilet, shower, sink, counter, mirrored medicine cabinet. 

He stood in front of the mirror awkwardly for a moment, unsure how to broach the subject. 

“Cas?” He said to the empty room. 

The mirror didn’t change. Dean wondered if maybe he imagined the entire possession. He clicked his tongue and turned away from the mirror, but jolted when he saw Castiel standing next to him. 

“Holy shit!”

“No,” Castiel answered. He tilted his head at Dean. “It’s me.”

Dean shook his head in shock. “How are you here?”

“I’m not, physically speaking.” Castiel lifted his arms to show off his form. “I’m a visual representation constructed by your mind.” He looked down at himself. “I’m surprised. It normally takes months for seraphim to harmonize with their vessel’s brainwaves enough to present themselves without the aid of a reflection like this.”

“Look at you go.” Dean checked the mirror quickly. Castiel had no reflection. 

Castiel seemed to realize where he was for the first time. “Are you about to take a shower?”

Dean nodded.

“I assume you wish to have privacy,” Castiel said.

Dean felt his cheeks heat up. “Please.”

“I will put my attention elsewhere.”

“How?”

Castiel thought for a moment. “If you’re willing to try, you may be able to create an illusion of something for me to distract myself with.”

Dean hummed an affirmation. He tried to think of something that Castiel would like. He closed his eyes shut and imagined Castiel holding it. 

After a few moments, he heard Castiel say, “The Bible?”

Dean opened his eyes to see Castiel holding a copy of the Bible. It was small and leather bound, with the title embossed in gold. It looked like an exact copy of the one that his dad used to keep in the trunk of the Impala. 

“Yeah, the Bible. You’re an angel, aren’t you?”

Castiel flipped through the pages. He smiled. “Have you ever read the Bible, Dean?”

“Uh, no. I never got around to it, surprisingly.”

Castiel turned the book around so that Dean could see the pages. They were all blank. “Your brain didn’t know what words to add. Try something that you know.”

Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, picturing what he wanted Castiel to have in his mind’s eye. 

He opened his eyes to see Castiel examining it in his hands. “What is this?”

“My old walkman,” Dean said. 

It was beat up, with countless chips in the plastic. The wire to the headphones had a kink or two in it, but Dean knew that it would still work. It was loaded with an AC/DC track that Dean stole from the Impala’s glove box when he was 17. 

“This is before I turned it into an EMF detector.” Dean wanted to reach for it, but hesitated. His hands would probably pass right through it. “It’s nice to see it again.”

Castiel looked at it fondly. “How do I use it?”

“Here, put these over your ears.” Dean grabbed the headphones on instinct. They felt solid in his hands. The feeling stopped him in his tracks. “I can touch this?”

“It’s all in your brain, Dean.” Castiel set the walkman body on the bathroom counter and took the headphones from Dean. Dean felt the soft brush of his fingers as he did. “The same brain that is letting you see and hear illusions can let you feel them too.”

Dean licked his lips. “Okay. Awesome. I can handle this.”

Despite feeling anxiety grow in his gut, Dean felt calmness attempting to wash over him. He looked at Castiel. 

“Pretend I’m here physically,” Castiel said, not mentioning the jedi mind tricks he was no-doubt pulling. “Show me how to use the walkman.”

What’s the big deal, Dean? Dean thought to himself. Never taught an illusion of an angel how to use a walkman in your bathroom before?

Dean forced himself to take a full breath. “Okay. Okay.” He shook his head slightly to shake off his anxiety. “Put the headphones on.”

Castiel did. He picked up the walkman from where he set it on the counter. “What button should I press?”

“It should be all rewinded and everything. Just press the play button.” After a moment, Dean added, “It’s the triangle.”

Castiel nodded and pressed it. He looked at Dean with a smile. “It’s working!” he said, a bit louder than normal. 

Dean gave him an awkward thumbs up. “Just close your eyes and listen for a few minutes.”

Castiel gave him a thumbs up back. “I’ll just… um…” He looked around for a place to be while Dean undressed. He pulled the headphones off for a second. “Where should I go?”

Dean suddenly realized that the bathroom didn’t have much room for privacy. He looked around for a moment before lowering the lid of the toilet. 

He pointed at the now-covered toilet. “Sit here. Turn the volume up.” “Okay.” Castiel sat. He put the headphones back on and fiddled with the buttons. He closed his eyes. “I’ll be here.”

Dean just looked at Castiel for a few seconds. This was so weird. He trusted that Castiel wouldn’t try to spy on him, but he was still sitting less than a foot away. He hesitantly took his shirt off. Castiel didn’t react. Socks were next. Pants followed soon after. 

He was standing in front of Castiel in his underwear. 

Right, he needed to turn the water on first. He had to awkwardly bend around Castiel’s knees to reach the faucet handle, but thankfully Castiel ignored the movement. He could almost feel the warmth of Castiel’s imaginary body heat on his torso. He adamantly ignored it, for Little Dean’s sake. 

The water was running. Moment of truth. Dean took a deep breath and pulled his briefs off. He didn’t dare to look at Castiel in this state. He had to bite back a hysterical laugh from the absurdity of it all. 

Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it. The thought ran circles around his mind. He’s in your head, don’t think about it. He can feel what you feel, don’t think about it. 

Dean hopped in the shower. He gave a sigh of relief when he finally pulled the curtain back, blocking Castiel from his line of sight. He could pretend like it was any other day. The water hit him like rain. 

He sang Shoot to Thrill under his breath as he washed himself clean. 

---

Thank God that Dean’s tastebuds were still working. If he started tasting molecules instead of flavors, he would have to kick Castiel out. He piled his plate up high with the chicken alfredo that he spent the past few hours cooking. Sam had already served himself a plate of the pasta before Dean added the chicken and was sitting at the kitchen table, reading something on his laptop with one hand while he ate with the other. Dean grabbed some silverware and sat down across from him. 

Without thinking, Dean wove his fingers together on his lap and lowered his head. He sat in relative silence, mouthing something inaudible under his breath. 

“Dean, what are you doing?”

Suddenly, Dean snapped back into reality. He unclasped his hands and moved them from his lap to above the table. He quickly picked up his silverware and started to spike pasta with his fork. “I’m eating dinner, Sammy.”

“No.” Sam laughed. “No, before that. Were you… saying grace?”

Dean felt a blush begin to rise in his cheeks and pointedly ignored Sam’s gaze. “That must have been Cas.”

“Or Jimmy.”

“What?”

Sam slid his laptop to the side so that he could look at Dean directly. “I’ve been doing some reading about angel vessels. There isn’t much out there, but we know that angels leave behind a trace of grace in the vessels they occupy.”

“Yeah, of course,” Dean said, having completely forgotten about that part. 

Sam took a bite of pasta and chewed quickly to continue speaking. “What if the opposite is also true? Cas has been inside Jimmy for years now. He could have picked up on some of his habits.”

“Dude,” Dean said. “Never say that again.”

Sam paused for a second, then rolled his eyes when he understood. “I’m just saying, Dean. This is uncharted territory. Who knows how angels and vessels affect each other? The Men of Letters’ research on them is all theoretical.”

“I’m not going to church anytime soon, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Dean paused. “Are you asking to research me?”

“No. Well, it would be helpful since you’re already here.” Sam looked up at Dean hopefully but shook his head when he saw the look on Dean’s face. “But no. Definitely not.”

Dean rolled his eyes. 

Sam changed the subject. “Good job on dinner, by the way. Thanks for making it.”

“Nesting has its perks.” Dean gave Sam a smile with cheeks filled with pasta. 

---

The nighttime was when it felt truly bizarre. Dean had to lay in bed and try to fall asleep, knowing that Castiel was just a sharp inhale away. He had been tossing and turning for almost an hour. Angels didn’t sleep, so Castiel must have been just watching this all happen. He couldn’t fall asleep if he thought about it. 

“Cas?” he finally voiced into the empty room.

Castiel appeared, sitting on the side of Dean’s bed. He turned his head to look down at him. “Hello, Dean.”

Dean sighed and relaxed into the pillow. “This is weird.”

“How are you feeling?” Castiel asked. Dean barked out a laugh on instinct. 

“Me? Peachy.” Dean pushed himself up into a sitting position. “How’s Hotel Dean? Do I need to call housekeeping?”

Castiel looked out into the darkness, giving Dean a view of his side profile. “You’re the strongest vessel known to man. I am… exceedingly comfortable.”

“Good. That’s… good.” Dean felt embarrassment in his gut from the compliment, unsure if it was his own or Castiel’s. “You aren’t bored?”

Castiel returned his focus to Dean. “I do not find being this close to you boring.”

Dean forgot what he was going to say. His mouth was suddenly dry. He licked his lips and broke eye contact. He could still feel the weight of Castiel’s gaze. 

“Um, what’ll happen when I fall asleep?” Dean had to clear his throat to get his words out clearly. 

“Nothing unusual. I will remain dormant.”

“Would it wake me up if you took over?”

Castiel furrowed his brows. Finally, he answered, “No. It would be less invasive than sleepwalking.”

“I don’t see why you couldn’t take over while I’m getting my few hours,” Dean said carefully, looking back at Castiel. “If I can’t tell the difference.”

“Dean…” Dean could already tell from his tone that Castiel was going to decline the offer. 

He adjusted his position on the bed. “Come on, man. You’ve gotta take what I’m giving to you. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes for a few seconds before responding. “I understand.”

“Just don’t do anything weird.” Dean relaxed back into laying down on the bed. “Take care of my body.”

“Of course, Dean.” Castiel looked away before blinking out of existence. 

Dean didn’t have trouble falling asleep after that. 

---

Sam was walking to the kitchen in the early hours of the morning when he heard sound coming from Dean’s lounge (which Sam refused to call The Dean Cave, no matter how many times Dean threatened to cut his hair off). He changed course to investigate, his socked feet making soft pat-pats in the morning silence. The door was slightly ajar, so he pushed through to see the TV on and Dean sitting on the couch. Sam could have sworn that he recognized the show, from some article or meme that he saw online. Finally it clicked. 

“Is that… Riverdale?” Sam asked incredulously. 

Movement came from the couch. “Don’t be too loud, you’ll wake up Dean.”

Sam was caught off guard for a second before he put the pieces together in his mind. This would take some getting used to. 

“That’s creepy,” Sam said, pointing at Dean’s body. “So, I’m talking to Cas now?”

“Yes.” Castiel turned his attention back to the show. “Claire recommended this show to me. She said that I would find it funny. I’m not sure I understand the joke.”

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone does.” Sam chuckled breathlessly. “Does Dean know you’re making his eyes watch this?”

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment, opening them to meet Sam’s gaze. “He is currently dreaming about being in a high school musical theatre program. I assume that on some level, he is processing the show alongside me.”

“Um…” Sam floundered for words for a moment, suddenly struck by the strangeness of the situation. “Do you want any coffee? I’m starting a pot.”

“I don’t.” Castiel paused. “But bring a cup anyways. Dean’s about to wake up.”

Sam walked back to the kitchen, muttering, “So creepy…” under his breath. 

---

Maybe Dean shouldn’t have been so adamant about taking a case while Castiel and him were shacking up. 

Side note, Dean thought as he struggled to breathe. Find out whether shacking up is only about having sex.

It was easy to feel regret now, as he was being held against the back of a gravestone psychically by his neck. But hey, pobody’s nerfect. Maybe it was Sam’s fault for agreeing to come with him. 

The case was supposed to be a simple salt-and-burn for a ghost that had been spotted a few times in a Topeka graveyard. Just a quick day trip. Everything was going according to plan until… Well, Dean’s neck hurt. Thankfully, they had dug up the grave before the ghost showed up. Double thankfully, the ghost’s attention was entirely on Dean. 

He couldn’t help but smile a little as Sam dropped the lit pack of matches on the ghost’s salty and gasoline-drenched bones. Said smile turned into frightened eye contact with Sam when the ghost didn’t disappear. 

“Dean, something else’s keeping it here!”

“Y’think?” Dean gritted out his words through clenched teeth. He made a snap decision. “Cas, take the wheel!”

What Sam saw was Dean breaking out of the ghost’s psychic hold, thrusting his hand through its chest, and the ghost burning away from the inside out. 

What Dean saw was different. 

He felt brisk air as it hit his exposed forearms, cooler than the warm summer night he had just been in. He opened his eyes to see himself standing in the middle of the countryside in front of a barn. A familiar barn. 

The wind picked up as Dean walked closer to the barn’s doors. The roof started to stutter and creak. The doors began to shake. 

He knew this barn. 

He reached his hand out for the door handle, but the doors opened in a burst of sparks and splintering wood before he could even touch it. The inside of the barn was revealed. 

There were sigils and graffiti painted all over the walls. He knew those sigils. He painted them with Bobby. 

He could make out someone walking over to him from the shadows. 

“Are you gonna stab me with a knife?” Dean asked, holding his arms out. 

Castiel continued to walk closer to Dean. “I apologize for the abrupt change in scenery. This is the first location I could think of to take you.”

“This is fine, Cas.” Dean huffed out a laugh, still coming down from an adrenaline high from the hunt. “This is just fine.”

Castiel smiled contentedly. 

Dean suddenly remembered what situation he had just escaped from. “Wait a minute, if you’re here, who’s handling my body?”

“Still me,” Castiel said, somewhat smugly. “I’m able to multitask.”

“So what’re we doing right now?” Dean couldn’t help but circle around Castiel slightly, echoing his footsteps from years ago. 

Castiel noticed his repetition and watched him idly. “Sam and I are refilling the grave. Would you like to take back over?”

“Nah, I’ll let you handle the heavy lifting.” Dean finally planted himself by the table of various weapons and leaned against it. “How does it feel?”

Castiel tilted his head at Dean. “I don’t experience physical exhaustion like you do. It doesn’t feel like anything.”

“No, not the digging.” Dean’s thumb rubbed against the rough wood of the table. He lowered his gaze slightly, too embarrassed to say it while looking at Castiel. “Do I feel any different than Jimmy?”

Castiel tilted his chin up and inhaled as he thought. “You have a higher white blood cell count than Jimmy. Your cholesterol is higher than his as well.” He paused. “You also have more” —he squinted his eyes slightly as he decided on a word to use— “brightness to your vessel.”

“What, I’m blowing sunshine up your ass?”

“No,” Castiel responded, drawing his eyebrows together. “You’re the righteous man. You’re divine.”

He said it as if it was the easiest thing in the world. The sky was blue, two and two was four, and Dean Winchester was from the heavens. 

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “I’m not divine, Cas. I’m just a guy.”

He heard cracks of lightning. Castiel was no longer looking at him, deciding to move his gaze to something behind him. 

“Dean,” Castiel said, eyes twinkling in mirth. “Look behind you.”

Dean only had to turn his head slightly to see them. 

There were wings growing out of his back. Big and black, exactly like the ones he saw on Castiel. 

“No.” Dean shook his head. “This is all backwards.” He looked back at Castiel. “Am I dreaming?”

Castiel didn’t say anything, choosing instead to close the distance between Dean and him. For a second, Dean thought—

“Dude, you need to get a sleep apnea machine.” Sam laughed from where he was sitting behind the steering wheel. “You sound like an airplane.”

Dean tensed in his seat and checked his surroundings a few times to comfort himself. He was in the Impala with Sam. 

“I was sleeping?” he asked. 

Sam quickly glanced at him, keeping his attention on the road. “I don’t really know. Cas took over to kill the ghost and clean up, but then he just sat silently in the car. It was creepy.” Sam shrugged. “I just said something when you started to snore.”

“Gee, thanks.” Dean rubbed his hand over his face. It hadn’t felt like a dream. Castiel must have done his forehead-touch thing to send him back to the land of the living. “Remind me to stop crashing after hunts. I get the weirdest dreams.”

“Yeah, you love it when I tell you what to do.” Sam checked the mirrors dutifully. “How’s Cas?”

Dean raised his eyebrows at Sam. “Weren’t you the one who just talked to him?”

“Yeah, but I’m not the one he’s riding shotgun in.” Sam’s mouth quirked. “What’s that like?”

“It’s great.” Dean adjusted his position in the seat. “There, we talked about it. Can we stop by a store? I need to pick up some protein.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure thing.”

---

Dean was lying awake in his bed sometime between day two and day three when he finally asked it. 

The words rang in the silence of the night. “What’s it like needing a vessel?”

In the blink of an eye, Castiel appeared. This time, he was lying in the bed next to Dean, under the covers in three layers of clothing. Dean felt underdressed in his pajama pants and old band shirt. The two men were lying on their sides and looking right at each other. Dean thought about telling him to give him some space, but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t physically there. 

Castiel was silent for long enough that Dean started to wonder if he was going to answer.

“It makes me feel demonic,” Castiel confessed. His eyes almost glowed in the dim light. “It should not be the will of heaven to ruin a life just to exist on the physical plane. Having to tear someone from their family, from their entire life. I admit, I feel some semblance of comfort knowing that Jimmy is in heaven.” He lowered his eyes in shame. “But Claire, Amelia. Even those in his life he wasn’t close to. Every human has such an intricate web of relationships and reasons to live. Using them as a vessel erases the beauty of humanity.”

Castiel paused. “Jimmy wasn’t my first vessel.”

Dean looked at him in silence, willing him to continue. 

“She was a young woman. Carlotta Richards.” Dean thought he could feel the phantom puffs of Castiel’s exhales on his cheek. “She left her family as a teenager. They didn’t approve of her.” Castiel looked at Dean meaningfully. “She saw me as a blessing. She didn’t realize she was cursed from the moment she let me in.”

Dean’s mouth was dry. “What happened?”

“The mission I used her for ended and I returned to the celestial plane.” Castiel continued to avoid Dean’s eyes. “Her heaven is beautiful. She spends her time in an eternal Saturday sunset on a picnic with her soulmate.” Castiel finally looked at him. “Dorothy.”

Dean held his breath. He was transfixed, completely and utterly. 

“What else?” 

“You,” Castiel said in a low voice. “This body is no closer to what I look like than yours is. I’m not a man with dark hair and blue eyes. I’m not a man at all. Angels’ true forms are their most personal expressions of the self. You deserve to see it.” Castiel’s voice was soft, so soft. He was nearly whispering when he spoke again, his eyes burning into Dean’s. “I wish that you could see who I truly am.”

Both of them wondered, in that moment, if this would be when it happened. Neither moved. 

Dean finally exhaled. “This is who you are.”

Dean blinked. Castiel was gone. 

He didn’t sleep a wink. 

---

It had been a few days. 

Dean could tell that Sam knew it was time for Castiel to go back. Dean knew too. He was eating breakfast when the man himself made an appearance. 

“It’s time for me to return to my rightful vessel,” Castiel said, sitting in the chair across from Dean that was empty a moment before. 

Dean nodded and finished the last bite of his cereal. “You sure?”

“I’ll do an examination of the vessel before I return.” Castiel watched Dean wipe the milk off his lip. “But I believe so.”

“Awesome,” Dean said. He stood up and brought his bowl to the sink. “Let’s get you back home.”

Castiel disappeared after that, leaving Dean to walk to his room alone. He knocked on Sam’s door as he walked by it. 

“Cas is going back to his vessel, you good?”

He heard a muffled, “Let me know how it goes!” from through the door and continued down the hall. Dean was vaguely grateful that Sam didn’t want to be in the room for it, but he didn’t care to examine why. 

Castiel blinked into existence again when he opened the door to his room. Dean turned on the light (thanking Sam for replacing the lightbulbs) to see him staring at his prone body from where he was standing at the foot of the bed. 

“What’s the verdict, Doc?”

Castiel hummed. “The spell seems to have run its course. It should be entirely safe for me to return to my vessel.”

“Good, good.” Dean went over to grab the chair he used before. “Sitting down again?”

Castiel nodded. 

Dean pulled the chair up to the same position, mind only spinning a little bit from seeing two Castiels in the same room. 

“So, what do I do?” Dean asked. “Just exhale really hard, or what?”

Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, standing behind him. “I will take care of it. Close your eyes.”

Dean did. 

The reversal process was the same level of strange. It felt like someone was painlessly turning him inside-out. He could still feel the static over his lips as the white light trickled out of his mouth. He felt Castiel’s grace rubbing against the inside of his skin as it retreated up his body. Dean was glad he was sitting down, because his knees felt like they were made of Jell-O. 

Castiel began to rise into a sitting position as he returned to Jimmy Novak’s body. Dean subconsciously trailed after the white smoke as it left his mouth, closing the distance between him and Castiel’s true vessel. They both inched closer to contact as the cloud that was Castiel transferred between them. 

Dean wasn’t aware that he had been kissing Castiel until Castiel started kissing him back. 

It was like touching the surface of the sun. Dean leaned into Castiel’s body for a moment before pulling away. He felt like he was burning. 

“Woah, I—” Dean fought out a breath. 

Castiel was a deer caught in headlights. He scrambled off the bed and started moving away. 

Dean suddenly realized that he didn’t want him to go. He grabbed his forearm. 

“Don’t leave,” Dean pleaded. 

Dean didn’t let go of Castiel’s forearm. Castiel didn’t say anything. Dean kept not letting go. 

“Dean.” Castiel’s body was tense, like a rubber band about to snap.  

To Dean, It all made sense in that moment. Every hidden glance, choreographed touch, charged moment. Dean couldn’t imagine being content without him. He felt like a puzzle whose final piece had just clicked into place. 

Dean took a deep breath. “Cas, you’re my only happy ending. It’s you.” It was a revelation. “And I want a happy ending. I want a happy ending so bad it hurts.” Dean moved his hands to grip his trench coat by the lapels. “I’ve fought for it. I’ve died for it. I need the sun to set, Cas. I need you to be by my side when it does.”

“Dean,” Cas said. 

“So yes. Of course, yes.” Dean let go of Castiel’s now-crumpled trench coat, leaving his hands to slip and rest flat on Castiel’s chest. “Yes back then, yes today, yes tomorrow. Yes to you every day until I’m dead in the ground. Yes to every day after that.”

“Dean,” Cas prayed. He lifted a hand to cup Dean’s cheek. 

Dean’s eyes threatened to fill with tears, but his eyebrows were set sternly in place. “Please, Cas. I won’t ask you twice. Stay.”

“Yes.”

Castiel was the one who closed the space between them. It was electricity in motion. Their kisses were clumsy, awkward, but neither of them would change a thing as they fell onto Castiel’s bed and the kisses began to deepen. 

---

Dean would scratch the back of his neck as he stood next to Castiel, looking at Sam sitting at the table. 

“Hiya, Sammy,” he would say, getting his attention. “Cas and I are... Well…”

Castiel would interrupt. “Your brother and I are having sex now. We don’t plan on stopping.”

Sam would be caught off guard for a moment, but he would smile and laugh kindly with them at the absurdity of it all. 

“It’s about time,” he would finally say. “You two have been circling each other for a while now. It was either killing each other or…”

Dean would smile and say, “Falling in love.”

“Well.” Sam would laugh again. “I was gonna say making out. But that’s good too.”

Dean would feel embarrassed and lower his gaze to the floor for a moment. But Castiel would grab his hand, squeeze it, and everything would turn out alright.