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vintagedoctor · 3 months

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Fuck it we ball. Imma share my oc cuz i love all of them and i wanna explain everything abt them

i dont have a name for them yet sadly but i got a pretty good image of what they look like and the lore and all that and yeah... typical oc creation stuff.

so we all know i love plague doctors. i mean my pfp is a plague doctor (its a retraced steve (from owl house) art but with one of my ocs) and my username is pun on plague doctors and uhh i repost plague doctor stuff. so i love them. i cant explain why i love them so much. like ive thought abt it and i genuinely cant tell anyone why. i honestly think they look cool and mysterious and thats it.

my oc, as im calling them rn, is just "VD" which is my username abbreviated. its serving me rn but i know i should come up with an actual name. im thinking something like Vyn or Doctor Vyn or smth but honestly nothing fits. its *my character* ya know? so thats why im struggling on the name. but VD serves me just fine for now

bc im shit at drawing i use any oc maker at my disposal. at first it was picrews then it was minecraft skins, then it was heroforge, and now im making them in baldurs gate 3 character creator

so now, to introduce VD, either drawn as a half elf or tiefling, depending on how im feeling and what version character im using (ill get to that later)

heres what i think is the base version (in baldurs gate ofc) believe me id have put a plage doctor mask on them if i could

thats like the good version, ig. a paladin who is chaotic good and just wants the best for everyone but doesnt mind commiting some crimes to get there. i love them and is usually the character i make for video games since its closest to who i am. pretty easy to rp.

heres the basic versions for minecraft. i mentioned exploring the design thru minecraft skins so ill be showing them too. also im pretty proud of them. the second one is not a purple villager but instead a plague doctor mask. the second skin has tons of lore attached to it, actually. (and yes im ashamed to say minecraft rp lore too... that was a phase)

you can see there will be similar choices between all of them... uhh.. i love the color purple. i put purple in every thing i build because i love it and i cannot explain why. just like i cannot explain why i love plague doctors, i love purple. so yes every character will have some purple on them. i love purple

this version of VD is usually the avatar i use for everything. however that character branched off to a minecraft rp character (oh god.. yep)

this is canon VD... like *that* minecraft server. i was like 16 so everything from this server is gonna be a bit cringe. but this version of VD, who ill call cult VD, for reasons explained later, has much more of a explored personality. they are kind, helpful, naive, and also have a connection with an ancient elderitch diety that takes the form of a demon horse. i should probably explain that servers lore at some point huh? i honestly do just to get some closure from that server.

cult VD starts worshipping this deity, as anyone else would do right, which leads to the cult moniker. on that minecraft server, i always carried an axe as my weapon, so i like to imagine cult VD has a battleaxe as their main weapon of choice. this heroforge is old, before i decided to make VD a half elf / tiefling so thats why the ears arent pointy and theres no horns. but we will get to that. this naive version of VD eventually breaks out of the control of this elderitch deity but is still haunted by it for the rest of their life.

above is the picrew for this version of VD, which does have horns and pointy ears because i made this much later. yeah i know a jacket over a breastplate makes no sense but the picrew let me do it so i did it. (i made this a while ago so i dont remember my uh artistic choices)

VD during the possession had their own minecraft skin (cuz ofc they did, silly me)

this is definitely not inspired by anything. nope nope. its all original. dont @ me lol. i liked this skin. i think its pretty simple and screams of minecraft smp with "lore". it speaks of a simpler time ig. if this was dnd character, theyd be a devotion paladin. i think devotion to an evil god could be very interesting tbh. i havent been able to explore that yet but its smth to put out there.

oh heres some actual original art i did for cult VD. very nice :D

im still pretty proud of this, knowing i cant draw for shit and i did this like two years ago when i sucked even more at drawing.

this here is a little sketch of cult VD under some math work back in junior year of highschool i think? this is the first time i actually was pretty proud of my art. the expression and the hands and the axe all looked really good. i like it a lot.

i think of this character as priest vd or cult vd. i like having corrupt preist characters. its so cool. like that one line from hells coming with me. oh god i made an animatic with that line and i could not get the animation right. "I am the righteous hand of god. I am the devil you forgot." that line is like the backbone of who the character is. only thing is the character had run its course way before i discovered the song. yeah cult vd is like hells coming with me, the pitiful children (from jeremys perspective), and rule 4 - fish in a birdcage. ya know, trauma. i love trauma :D (for my fictional characters ofc ofc omg)

if i ever make a breakdown of my first minecraft server "lore", then anyone can see im gonna skip two iterations and move onto uh.. how do i put this lightly. uh... revenant VD?

IM NOT COPYING ANYONE I SWEAR OMG! or atleast.. i didnt mean to... its gonna get pretty obvious soon that i took much creative liberties from a certain minecraft server during the pandemic.

anyways my favorite version of VD because how much i could do with them. oh revenant VD is so fun. :D

revenant VD is the edgy, dark version but has tons of potential. thats why i love them so much. i used to associate them with hayloft II but not anymore actually. i think little pistol, laplaces angel, two birds, maybe what could have been, and saint bernard. being edgy for the sake of edgy isnt good characterization but angst for a reason is smth i love. they hate everyone bcuz the world has consistently treated them like shit and so the only way to actually cope with it sensibly was to treat others like shit back. but a variant of revenant vd i love is when they r crazily evil. like maniac and murderious. i just eat that shit up omg i love it so much. i got that religious trauma, the betrayal trauma, and the trust issues for them. i got it all omg i love this character so much. i can do so much with them so i think thats why i love them so much.

heres an idea of how they look. its pretty similar to how cult vd looks but more wild ig?

around this time my art started getting more coherent

i like this one. idk the face came out really well and it kinda shows how i wanted them to be. these were all sketches in notebooks during school when i was bored. i eventually got a sketchbook but thats further down the timeline

heres the heroforge for revenant VD. i loved the trenchcoat idea and the blood on the mask never going away. i remember watching someone in my middle school theatre class perform that one monologue from macbeth where the lady starts going crazy over the blood never washing away from her hands. this was a long time ago but it stuck with me. i really liked that symbolism of the blood still on her hands and how it means guilt of her crime. it was so cool. i ruined it by making it magical blood that never came off bc revenant was cursed when they initially died; edgy for the sake of it, which i previously said isnt a good place for a character. i think ive refined the design further but its lost in notebook margins and scraps of paper. such a shame.

revenant VD i like to think is associated with death in some way. maybe being an undead and filled with rage at the circumstances of their death, or being a proponent of death, like a reaper. i like those ideas. i actually made that concept

this is in my sketchbook. i think one of the first things i drew in it. i love that sketchbook. i love scythes, both the two handed and one handed ones. i think they work perfectly with plague doctor reaper characters.

one thing i associate with the modern version of revenant is like a apostle of myrkul transformation in baldurs gate 3. this ofc is if revenant takes on a more antagonistic role instead of being a pc. i love that boss fight and really think sometine like it could fit with my little revenant vd.

i think revenant vd would actually be many things. first obviously oathbreaker paladin but thats obvious. i was also thinking phantom rogue for all the allusions to death. they could also be an undead warlock. if i were to play smth similar to revenant vd in dnd, id make a phantom rogue undead warlock multiclass. i think it works surprisingly well actually. i could ask the dm to have my patron (death) collect soul trinkets like reaping souls on a regular basis and each long rest i need to consume one of them to keep alive.

oh yeah thats something else i really want to explore with this character. because they are undead i want to explore their need to consume life to keep alive. in minecraft i played around with the idea of them needing to break totems of undying every once in a while but honestly that was because i had a totem farm and too many totems for my shulker box. but the idea of them needing to consume some form of sacred life to keep their undeath is something i love and want to play around with.

anyways revenant VD is my most versatile character. idk how an evil character can do so much but they can. i love them so much.

the last character that originated in the minecraft server and one im still working on is doctor VD or Doctor Vyn.

i just want some appreciation for the second variant which i never got to use at all. i had to find it on my minecraft launcher instead on namemc because i never used it. i just love it but no one appreciated it. :( the undone tie im still so proud of

i just put this in cuz its so gender omg i love it sm :D

i just made this heroforge cuz i didnt have one. i never got to properly explore this character idea so its the one i keep trying to bring back. i think actually exploring the doctor part in plague doctor so thats why this iteration just keeps haunting me.

i think this iteration would be either an alchemist or artilerist artificer. this iteration was the last character i made for the minecraft server and it didnt go well. they were burnt out from the chaos they caused while serving death ig and just wanted to settle and research why they were able to come back. it was called "death research" and i had so many plans in minecraft. i should make a post about my ideas for the servers afterlife and stuff. its rough but i was trying. and def had no inspirations from that one minecraft server that everyone knew about.

this is the start of my descent into doctor madness. god i made so many ocs that r just doctors. i had variations of the artificer doctor and a rogue and i just went crazy. its still a character i want to play, ya know actually going into the doctor part of plague doctor. for now imma put a pin in the doctor research thingy and move onto season 2 of the server.

yes we had a season 2.

it had much less people than the first season and ran a couple months shorter than season 1. "lore" never started, not like how it was in s1. back then i was really disappointed but looking with hindsight, im glad it never got off the ground. we tried so many things. omg. but ill go over those later.

first: my character. i called them winterhold VD.

heres the skin i used for winterhold vd. i previously changed the mask color for a minecraft skin i barely used and so i did it here and it looks good. i think this skin looks more coherent than the ones from season 1.

heres winterhold vd with a little silly xmas hat. honestly playing in a snowy area while it was winter was really fun. it doesnt snow where i live so i kinda got that aesthetic in minecraft. it was honestly perfect. i loved building in the snowy patches and having large campfires and light sources to melt away the snow to clear paths. it was practical but also fed into our citys story.

anyways lastly we have the heroforge. i love this heroforge. somehow i managed to perfect replicate how the minecraft skin looked using the limited clothes in heroforge. the scythe makes an appearance for something explained later

i love this season a lot bc we had an actual theme. my group lived ontop a massive snowy mountain, almost like a plateau and i built viking like structures. it was so fun. the main "plot point" i remember was that we struggled with food for so long. we took over the village on the plateau and the farms were so sparse. there were like 4 of us that needed to be fed. oh also before we even got to the food problem, we had to fend off others since everyone wanted the mountain view. anyways, we had barely any food. i took charge and started growing lines of potatoes and wheat. if u dont know, in minecraft, growing crops in alternating lines actually make them grow faster. i cleared out a large patch in the middle of the village and spent days farming potatoes and wheat. i loved how the scythe ties that part of winterholds story in. we went from barely surviving and needing to jump off the mountainside to our dooms to refill our hunger to having a full chest of yummy potatoes. when we got access to the nether roof, my friend made her famous porkchop farm and we had even more food. it was such a good story from the actual gameplay and not planned at all.

but i had to ruin it, ofc.

i loved the story of us growing from nothing to a thriving nordic city so i decided to take it a step further. i thought it could be interesting if VD wanted more. they became obsessed with excess. they never wanted to run out of resources ever again. they started building more farms. more and more. farms we really didnt need, like a massive cactus farm and more crop fields. it was so much and we barely had any space to store any of it. finally VD asked their friend to expand the farms and build an industrial district far from winterhold. it was so far that the ice highway we built still took around 2 mins to get there. in that area my friend and i tried to build every farm imaginable. we got nowhere close. but it was definitely fun.

i really wanted to be the evil capitalist, something akin to how outer worlds is described in the fine print. but i never got anywhere close. that lore never shot off.

this server was in 1.19 so i really wanted to do something with sculk. so i started.. uh sculk research. this is going back to the doctor oc. i cleared out an ancient city and start slowly renovating the center out - i never got further than in the center structure. i was really proud of the little lab i made in the redstone area. it had test chambers and a library and a desk area. all pretty standard for a lab right? VD really wanted to study what sculk is and how it works. i as the person making the story and everything, kinda had nothing to go off of. sculk was completely fictional and original. (genuinely good job mojang). i had the minecraft "lore" vids from retrogamingnow and game theory but like i wasnt gonna copy those was i? i really wanted to do smth with the big portal in the center of the ancient city and sculk as a power source (i forgot which channel came up with that). i thought it could be cool if VD discovered how to open the portal and it led to the universe from s1. (yeah that multiversal shit everyone was tired of by 2023) but i really wanted to try it. it got nowhere. i had plans where the portal would open and revenant vd would step out, looking into the fresh new world to cause more carnage.

this is the skin i had planned for the whole thing. i have an alt acc i wanted to control along side my main acc. with hindsight, this would have been impossible to do to the scale i wanted. thats why this never got anywhere. i think this is where i realized i never fully got over revenant VD. this is a feeling that wont really go away.

we finally get the last iteration, as of now, of VD. it gets to be less of a character and more of just a persona for the current minecraft im playing on. i got tired of the doctor aesthetic and but still wanted to "research" so i created a wizard. honestly i just wanted an excuse to build with purple blocks. after some revisions, which are sadly public on my namemc profile i landed on

i love this skin. i wanted my whole aesthetic to be questionably evil. my base *looks* like it can be evil but the inside looks cozy and bright. theres an evil basement but nothing sinister has happened, yet. i dont think anything sinister is going to happen.

im taking a route closer to hermitcraft than rp servers. they make an aesthetic, build by it, maybe change their skin, and have fun rp moments. i like how simple that is. impulse, gem, grian, scar, and mumbo are all good examples of this. as of now, im tired of minecraft rp like i had it before. honestly ttrpgs are much better suited for this or just straight up acting. i will miss those angst moments and making skins for each "phase" of my character but the trend is dead and my friends are tired. the current server has been really clean of serious minecraft rp. its just been us fucking around for the most part. i dont want that to change. at this point im actively shutting down any attempts for serious rp. this is minecraft, we are friends, and we dont need to pretend to hate each other. it made keeping the actual friend ships hard. we barely scripted anything so everything was improv. BIG mistake first of all. but also that meant i had to come up with conflicts and deal with conflict while staying in character. i couldnt do it. it broke me and im glad im not doing something like that ever again.

anyways that that got deep. now i wanna quickly go thru some honorable mentions. personas im proud of but didnt need a whole section dedicated to them. oo boy, time to scroll thru my minecraft launcher

first up my desert cleric skin

i really like this one. i used in a minecraft event where we were all trapped in a big desert and had to make a village. it was my first minecraft event for that youtuber and i think i really killed the character. i made a temple and farmed potatoes for the people. food was hard to get and potatoes are easiest thing to farm. i was a "peace loving, pun slinging, potato farming person, definitely not copied from anyone else" i slowly became a favorite in the village, mostly bc it took a while to farm the potatoes and distribute them. im really proud of the muted purple mask, matching the purple robe. i tried it with my usual bright purple but it just didnt look right. this muted purple fits into the muted tones of the desert really well.

well now shoutout to the 1.19 update cuz

this one i love also. it kinda inspired the whole sculk corruption thing i was going for. i wore this skin sometimes but i could never find a fit for it. i guess i had it when 1.19 came out and was exploring it but outside of that and maybe "lore" it has no other use. ig other than looking cool. cuz it looks really cool.

oh god ok i do want to talk abt this one cuz i think its cool but oh god im gonna really make the furry alegations get worse

this was a skin i made for an origins server my friends had when that was popular. i was the origin "felvaxian" from the origins ++ mod. really good mod but holy shit was the felvaxian op. it was flavored to be a mix between a cat and crow but the naming scheme made no sense. i think it was an original idea, which.. like yeah made sense. it was so op but so fun. i had like a constant 9 block jump, took no fall damage, had an invisible elytra, the inventory from the shulker origin, constant night vision, and when i crouched i went completely invis. the only downsides was that i was a carnivore and i hungered quicker. we fixed that with a porkchop farm very quickly. but i loved the origin and that server dearly. i made a cat tree for a base. it was the perfect height off the ground where my jump could make it but no one else could get on. only other origins with movement abilities could make it which was very interesting. i actually was so happy with the design i made a heroforge of it

like winterhold vd, i was pretty proud of how this came out. it looked exactly like the skin. i later modded the pack to show the wings and get rid of the ugly filter, making this my perfect origin. i just love it too much.

uh next up has nothing to do any story or anything, i just wanted to show it off

im kenough

(if i couldnt get the actual sweater, i had to atleast get a minecraft version of it)

now to get festive. im just gonna show all these at once since theyre my festive skins

anyways happy halloween in summer, heh

ok tumblr is yelling at me because i reached the picture limit. so ill just make a part two. dang tumblr. i didnt know there was a photo limit. so uh yeah see ya in part 2

#minecraft #oc #vintagedoctor #vd oc #revevant vd #cult vd #im bored and just want to show everyone the years of my hard work i put into these characters and skins #im pretty proud of them actually #can you tell?#plague doctor #msmp #original character

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gummiewerm · 2 years

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you probably get this all the time but your neocities site is so amazing, do you have any advice/resources for people who are new to html/css or just coding in general, i eventually really want to achieve the same sort of perfectly cluttered vibes but I don't know where to start 😵‍💫 your site is seriously impressive!

aw thank you!!!

main html/css advice would be if you don't know how to do something/something breaks, search it on the internet! w3 schools and stack exchange are your best friends. also like everyone on neocities im gonna point you towards sadgrl, who has a ton of resources for this kind of stuff. my in general coding advice would be to start with a relatively easy language, but imo html is a PERFECT starting point so you're already on the right track.

AS FOR WEBSITE SPECIFIC ADVICE.... I have a few things :)

1. GO INTO IT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE AND HOW YOU WANT IT TO LOOK!! this saves SO much time and heartache. I spent maybe a good 4 months debating what I wanted my site to look like before I actually started coding, and I'm glad I did. which brings me to my next point..

2. draw out a thumbnail of what you want your site to look like! try drawing a few different ideas too, it'll save you time if you draw them instead of code them in.

[Image description: A pencil and paper thumbnail for the site on the left, and the finished site on the right. The overall layout is the same for both.]

3. i highly recommend learning how to use iframes if you plan on doing a container-based layout! this is especially useful for graphic heavy sites like mine since it helps cut down on loading times

4. position: absolute and left:...px/top:...px are your besties. this positions a div wherever you want on the page (relative to the dimensions of whatever div its in) and keeps it there. great for positioning images like stickers!

5. this might just be a me thing but REUSE YOUR CSS CLASSES AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND CUSTOMIZE THEM WITH HTML... if it's like 1-3 properties difference I don't like to make a new class because after a while the stylesheet gets rather lengthy. my stylesheet on odditycommoddity is so fucking messy because I didn't know i could do this starting out lmao

6. last one and most important imo.... USE AND EXTERNAL CODE EDITOR!!!!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE USE THE NEOCITIES EDITOR IT SUCKS ASS.. check out BRACKETS, it's open source and free and very sexy. if you're on a chrome book check out PHEONIX, which is web-based and by the same people. using an external editor makes it easier to jump between files, and it keeps your site from updating while it's half baked.

in terms of stylization advice/"How To Make Shit Cluttered", treat your web page like a scrapbook! hoard transparent pngs! put them all over your site like stickers! use patterns for the backgrounds instead of solid colors! whenever I make a new page on the site, i think of it as "digital scrapbooking" since it's basically the same thing as doing a physical collage.

some good resources for that would be gifcities, transparentstickers, other people's graphics pages, but you can also find some good stuff in just the "transparent" tag here on Tumblr. the only thing is I would advise against taking an artist's transparents on here + follow usage rules for transparents if theyre there, obviously regular nettiquette applies.

uhh that’s all i can really think of! have fun and good luck webmastering!!

[Image description: A divider gif of a worm wriggling across the screen. End ID]

#SORREY this took me so long i remember seeing it and being like ohoho!! and then writing everything out and being like ok ill add links #later. and then forgot #hope this was helpful at least a little bit!! i have a habit of being disorganized in my advice-giving lol #wormwerds #neocities #magic 8 ball

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jonbinary-archive · 3 years

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Sees you have headcanons for gender in the devildom/celestial relm. My eyes do the anime glasses thing dispite not wearing glasses.

GO ON

-videogamereference

YES YES thank you for asking abt this uhhh i have been dying to post something about it but i wasn't sure if other people would be interested ? since it's fairly niche but uhh apparently you would >.>

under the cut so as not to utterly flood people's dashes with my ramblings but! click if you'd like some unnecessarily in-depth discussion of 1) how the different realms in obey me deal with gender/gender identity and 2) my personal gender headcanons for the obey me characters. this is mostly pieced together from one night when i went all pepe silvia in discord but hopefully its now somewhat digestible. thanks for your patience!

ok so first of all: all three realms interpret and approach gender differently. i don’t think any of them are inherently wrong or bad, it’s just unique ways of viewing the same concept. i prefer the devildom way of looking at it but to each their own :] it maybe goes w/o saying but trans people are supported in every realm, no matter how they view gender !

GENDER IN: THE HUMAN REALM

obviously, the human realm in the om! universe views gender pretty similarly to how our world does. this is sort of like our baseline, where humans generally view gender on a male/female binary. (tho i do like to think that this version of earth is more welcoming to nonbinary and trans people, just cuz i do like a bit of escapism <3)

ultimately gender in the human realm is the most simplified version we will see. i actually have a small headcanon that MC, regardless of gender, is referred to with they/them because this simple gender structure doesn’t translate over well to the other realms

GENDER IN: THE CELESTIAL REALM

with that in mind, we can talk about how the celestial realm views gender. this gets into the whole ‘what is the gender of angels/god’ which is probably outside my expertise to talk about, but i will anyway!

the celestial realm views gender as, ultimately, unimportant. what matters about a person is who they are, like one’s willingness to help others. most of the angels present masculine and use he/him, as in the image of their Father. there are some who choose to use she or they or present feminine (or any combo of pronouns/presentation), but they arent necessarily ‘boy’ angels and ‘girl’ angels.

it’s basically like this:

so what are you?

i’m an angel!

no, i mean, what’s your gender?

i’m a messenger of our Father

ugh, that’s not what i meant. what’s in your pants?

oh, so that’s where my halo went!

transitioning, for lack of a better term here, is pretty rare in the celestial realm, but it does happen occasionally. michael will update the records with their new name if they so choose, and celebrations are thrown heavenwide in honor of the angel!

GENDER IN: THE DEVILDOM

now, on the flip side, the devildom almost...reveres gender? since they’re the polar opposite of the celestial realm, demons tend to hold gender up into the spotlight instead of rejecting it. this is why we see so many demons presenting as men but having feminine aspects (like asmodeus wearing pink off the shoulder tops or the demons’ painted nails).

for angels who Fall, this difference can be very jarring and hard to deal with when they become demons. expression is important in demon culture! while angels see all others as made in their Father’s image, demons emphasize the things that make them different from one another. fluidity of identity is particularly celebrated!

GENDER HEADCANONS: BROTHERS

now here’s the fun part, which is how i interpret these characters! feel free to let me know your own headcanons, i love seeing how others view the same characters :]

LUCIFER: sure, he’s a demon now, but he still somewhat aligns with the celestial view of gender. to him, a person’s character is much more important than how they label themself. he’s just...lucifer. (agender man, he/him)

MAMMON: has always considered himself a man! one of the rare instances of someone transitioning in the celestial realm. lucifer helped him pick his name :] (trans man, he/him)

LEVIATHAN: levi my beloved <3 ive shared some headcanons on levi’s gender in this post, as well as in the tags of this post. i think he really likes the freedom of demonic gender identity, and is very fluid (genderfluid, he/she/they/it)

SATAN: looooves fucking with gender, particularly if it irritates lucifer. he’s read a ton of gender theory and would love to have discussions about human gender with MC if they want. feels a connection to masculinity, but not to actually being a man (transmasculine, he/they)

ASMODEUS: loves fucking with gender even more than satan does. had gender with your mom last night ;) super gender non conforming, though most of the time you can’t even figure out what gender he is! basically the definition of ‘gender is a performance’ (nonbinary, he/she)

BEELZEBUB: probably doesn’t think too much about his gender. he was told he was a man so he just kind of goes with it. it’s really important to him to align with a healthy form of masculinity! doesn’t seek out pronouns beyond he/him, but wouldn’t mind she/her or they/them (nonbinary man, pronoun indifferent)

BELPHEGOR: similarly to beel, probably doesn’t think too much about his gender. he knows he enjoys being a brother and a twin, but doesn’t care much beyond that. he used to ascribe pretty heavily to celestial gender theory, but after Falling he’s shifted from gender apathy to like. seeing that feeling as his gender identity itself (agender man, he/him)

GENDER HEADCANONS: SIDE CHARACTERS

DIAVOLO: literally just a guy. like hes just a dude but in a slightly fucked up demon way (nonbinary man, he/him)

BARBATOS: literally look me in the eyes and tell me this dude isn’t a he/they. he’s not a man, he’s a butler (agender, he/they)

SIMEON: really subscribes to the celestial view of gender/believes that who you are in other people’s eyes is just as important as who you are in your own! doesn’t really identify w gender in any way since angels don’t technically have a binary to deviate from, but in human terms he is (nonbinary, mainly he/him but she/her ok too)

LUKE: also transitioned in the celestial realm! the brothers tease him, but if anybody misgenders the chihuahua, they should be prepared to eat shit (trans boy, he/him)

SOLOMON: started out as a sorcerer while trying to alchemize testosterone. he’s been living as a man so long that sometimes he forgets he’s trans in the first place (trans man, mainly he/him and occasionally they/them)

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #[drops back onto my bed] its finished. the ultimate post #this felt a lot longer when i was typing it but also i did a lot of editing and formatting since i wanted it to be easy to read #i hope you enjoy! feel free to send more asks since i love talking abt this concept :]#ask #videogamereference

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jrueships · 3 years

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I need to stop asking ppl to ask me things then not answer them wtf wrong with me bro but anyways here's a Gen really short wip Slightly wider explanation of the wips i mentioned b4.. ill still be answerin asks about em !! I'll just get deeper into detail on em later! This is just a general blurb to test the waters.. i don't wanna dump a ton on yall at once n it turns out 2 be weird cringe or whatava so here we go b4 i go coco puffs

Okay so I'll be elaboratin abt the ones people ASKED abt as a general like.. update that i SEE the ask n ill answer it later when i can like.. really Explain it, show some wip pics, PowerPoints etcetc. but anyways let's get 2 it

Pg stabs kawhi kills him dead lol UH that one was abt the picture of dorian gray au... uhh.. spoiler alert so watch out.. i mean yall on tumblr yall kinda fruity so yall should have that book in ur literary repertoire already but .. yea spoiler uh basically pg (dorian) stabs kawhi (basil). It's a drabble but like a TIMESKIP kinda one. I ended up including pat bev (lord henry) but only for a lil 'pat enters scene despite kawhis grievances. Constant touches of the shoulder to paul. Smudges his collar. Kawhi doesn't like pat. Bad influence pat go away pat' but Paul likes pat because like.. if pleasures bad why? Pleasurable? Lol. BUT the fic kiinda focuses on kawhi's 'never indulging himself. Always an outsider view. Always the painter never the painted' n like he doesn't even Like painting really? Always has to hold himself back, afraid of putting himself too into paintings for others to see' aspect. At the beginning pg is like 'come to the theater come do this blahblah extrovert shit' which kawhi AGREES to. Pg helps bring kawhi out of his SHELL, you know? Let's him know it's okay to LIKE things and to WANT things. This increases kawhis muse, basically helps him paint such a Good picture of pg that pg ultimately curses with his vanity etcetc. And cus it's a story that shifts the focus from kawhi to pg, that point is gonna get abused. TIMESKIP to eternally handsome pg with decaying picture hidden away. He shows kawhi it, kawhi is horrified. 'Pray for forgiveness paul'. Can't believe that's his creation. BUT instead of like a quick stabby stabby idk whatever Paul basically disparages kawhi before he kills him. Strips him verbally of his respect for the painter until kawhi is nothing more than The Red Leaking /Thing/ laying slumped over the table. Girlboss gaslight 'you didn't have respect for me, saw me in an unfair do no wrong light. You're an artist so of COURSE you're most drawn the own image you've formed in your Mind. /you/ did this to me, you were everything i Didn't want to be.' "You’re a recluse, Mr. Leonard. So morose it's nearly maddening."(line) "preach all this prattle over Patrick that you pile hypocrisy to the heavens!"(line that might be cut idk i wrote this wip with that dorian gray style but it kinda all just sounds like pretentious bullshit lol. Hence the reason why the fic is actually kinda finished but will prolly never be shown. I may be unwell) kawhis like 'this isn't pg i used to know' but then he's like... but was the pg i used to know truly Fair? Is he Right? No, of Course he's right of Course. It's Paul.' And the man who's been so scared to give love and show love ends up killed because of love. Red leads to red. "You are the Antinous that sets the stone and inspires the sculpture."

Russell takes demar to cracker barrel? Russell loves cracker barrel, like when he goes to cracker barrel the people there know to leave him alone and not ask for autographs because that's his lil private public place to spend time with his family at so... OBVIOUSLY russ takes demar there because that's his family <333 Cali kids!!! But anyways basically it's b4 the bubble i think I don't remember... time and dates are my worst enemies.. but deebo is on the spurs... deebo watches the raptors win a championship without him... russ is sent to Houston... russ wants to schedule a hangout to see how he's doin, deebo says yea of course initially but then russ realizes "Oh shit. I gave deebo time to THINK about it. He boutta cancel on me on some shyguy BULLshit". And deebo of course DOES. Tries messaging russ like 'umm man my agent called. He wants a meeting RIGHT NOW! can't hang out sorry man :(' and russ is like 'haha okay bestie <3' but comes over anyway, cus he knows deebo. Prolly thought it over, realized how desperate he might seem to his friend n didn't wanna spend all hangout RUINING it by venting when they should be havin a good time instead, and flaked on the plans bcus he overthought it n got nervous n tantalized by the comforting idea of staying home lol. And of COURSE, russ guessed right because HE KNOWS DEEBO!!!! loving, complicated, thoughtful, surprising entertainer deebo. ANNND so he comes to the complex. Talks to keldon first to get confirmation that his hunch is correct and deebo is INDEED sitting inside all day unbothered instead of hanging out, then uses that to knock on deebos door and demand entrance lol. Deebo has to hangout and talk about his thoughts on the championship (on KYLE and KAWHI), russ suggests cracker barrel and they go from there! (Keldon comes too but only cus deebo felt bad that keldon felt bad for kinda sorta exposing his introverted lies. Russ makes him sit at a separate booth bcus he's annoying lol)

KELDON IN A SEXY COW SUIT... listen ok so he's a starter sophomore in the nba... in this fic him and luka (Croatian luka not lukaluka) are boyfriends... keldon is an empath and senses luka and him are kinda.. becoming Distant. Stardom and gleague, unbenched and benched. And keldon is a SOCIAL guy like he can't just cut connections with EVERYONE and make luka his sole person 2 pay attention to. BUT he ALSO wants to make luka feel SPECIALL so... maybe he sorta kinda... ends up calling DEMAR abt how to.. make his boyfriend feel Better? More Special? In an easy non confrontational way so luka doesn't feel pitied or that keldon wants to break up cus he wants NONE of those options. So maybe he gives deebo a call for relationship advice (designated happily married dad) and MAYBE..maybe JIMMY picks up the phone for 'some reason instead' and gives keldon... 'advice'.. on how to make his man.. Happy. AND MAYBE KELDON FOLLOWS IT A LITTLE TOO.. literally. AND MAYBE LUKA OPENS THE BEDROOM DOOR TO... u know. Keldon in a. Yeah. AND MAYBE HE WALKS OUT IMMEDIATELY AND CLOSES IT. and maybe keldon cries lol. ITS A WHOLE LOT. THERES A LOT. I'm not proud of it 😭😭

NEXT is the kyle considers killing Zach fic which is ALSO a lot. A WAY lot.LOT. rlly long never2bepublished au fic of rockstar demar kyle childhood friends to lovers(?) To ghosted to friends to enemies fic.. kyle plays drum. Deebo plays bass guitar... zach plays drum. Kawhi plays bass guitar... BUT IMMA REBLOG WITH T H A T plot later cus it's REALLY long and RLLY a lot so STAY TUNED

#i dont want tumblr to surprise not load this ask n i gotta type it all over again so thats why ive been sus with the powerpoints here #like damn at least give me a WARNING when the post has too many words to load or smthin PLEASE #i have lots to say none to make sense of #but anyways the pg kawhi dorian is a drabble real short like a few k maybe like 5k max i think #i dont remember i deleted a lot of my finished fics bcs i love death and destruction #the keldon one is also kinda short k thing too not counting the afterwards where deebo yells at jimmy for making his son a furry LMAO #n the cracker barrel and kyle demar ones are RLLY long and i kinda just write long fics for the idea #then kill them for the idea and execution bcus too long = too many dumb mistakes #BUT YEA those were rlly long #definitely deleted those probably #the zach thing comes later yall just hang on #ted drabbles

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unprofessional-bard · 4 years

Text

Chapter 2 - A New Jerusalem

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: PTSD/panic attacks + some suicidal thoughts... angst basically.

Summary: The company finally reach Jackson. Greetings are exchanged between old and new friends, but the reader's hurt after an attack on the plant.

Word Count: 4.917

Author's Note: Now although I haven't been diagnosed either with PTSD or depression, I do have anxiety and had my fair share of panic/anxiety attacks. I can relate or empathise with the people who do have PTSD/depression to some level and I can assure you all I do tons of research about each mental illness I'll be mentioning in these series. I've put mighty effort in this chapter and the following to make it as accurate as possible. My last desire is to upset someone, please forgive me if I do for it isn't intentional... but thank you all so much for reading! 🥺

Enjoy!

Over a month on the road with a smuggler, who's supposedly your, a FEDRA major general's, enemy and a little girl who turned out to be your second chance at life; you really couldn't help but grow fond of them. Them who offered you protection and their own water. How can you not be grateful for them? Even though a second chance at life wasn't exactly your preferred way out of this apocalypse... But everything happens for a reason, you supposed and sighed in relief once you saw a sign written Jackson County on it. It was when Ellie had asked about what happened between Joel and Tommy that Joel revealed the story, but you were too busy stressing out to listen as you all approached a stream. Your heart started beating faster the closer you got to a hydroelectric power plant, which you had to cross, apparently.

"You okay? You've been awfully quiet," Joel asked, suddenly stopping in front of you.

"Yeah," you gulped, palms clammy. Were you sweating? "I'm- it's okay. I'm fine."

Joel gave you a suspicious look, but didn't say anything and moved to try and turn the wheel to make up a bridge from the metal pieces attached to the power plant.

"Well, that gets us halfway." Ellie observed. "If we get the other one up, we'll make it across."

"Isn't there another way?" You sighed, face pale, fidgeting. "There's got to be another way."

The pair gave you an odd look and Joel spoke: "Well, there seems to be no other way but to cross the river."

"Maybe- maybe there's something that will stop the water from flowing? I'll- check over there." You pointed at a control room behind you and walked over there. When the door didn't open, you kicked it open with such force, Ellie and Joel were left more confused than ever. The place had no lights, which meant there was no power surging through the devices in there, but you began pushing every button in there nevertheless.

"Fuck!" You growled and hit the button table with trembling hands in frustration. You felt hot in your jacket all of a sudden, then noticed Joel getting into the water. You froze then and there, realizing you really didn't have another option but to cross the bridge. Your eyes watered at the realization, but you forced yourself to keep calm like you did countless other times. You were the legendary Alpha One leader, after all. A devoted, disciplined, brave leader. Being afraid or weak was something you could've never been able to afford.

You nodded to yourself, ran your fingers through your hair and walked out, only to find Joel carrying Ellie to the other side on a pallet.

"Go on, give it a spin," Joel said once she jumped off the pallet and reached the other wheel. "So good of you to join us."

You remained quiet at his remark as he got out of the water and watched Ellie complete the bridge. He jumped over to your side and began walking to the other side.

"Hey, be careful crossing that thing!" Ellie called out as you both crossed the makeshift bridge.

"We will," Joel replied as he effortlessly walked halfway through, while your legs began shaking. You tried to keep your composure and walk across as normally as he did, but your legs felt like they were about to give in any moment. Keep it together, you thought to yourself, but it was no use.

"Joel," your hands instinctively reached out to him when you stepped on a particularly wet spot, but he was already across, high-fiving Ellie. Maybe it would've been better if you had told them what happened to Felicity and the results of it on you.

"What?" Joel turned around just before stepping off the piece of metal.

"I- I can't cross this-" you spoke while lowering yourself down to grab the edges, running out of breath.

"What do you mean you can't cross it?" Joel spoke, irritated but confused. "C'mon, you're hafway though already."

"No, no I can't," your voice cracked as the sound of the current started getting louder, your heart beating faster. The images of Felicity's body being thrown into water started to appear on your mind.

"Joel, I think she's scared," Ellie said, worried.

"Alright, I'm gonna come grab you," Joel called for you, his irritation slowly turning into anxiety.

"Okay, okay," you spoke between deep breaths, tears filling your eyes and hanging on for dear life. You shut your eyes tightly as you waited for him. It didn't even take 5 seconds for Joel to walk over to you and hold your shoulder: "I'm here, I got you, let's go."

"Uhh," you forcefully moved your feet toward his direction. "Oh god..."

"C'mon, I'm right here, you can get up." Joel encouraged you while holding your hand and it actually encouraged you for a solid second, so you complied, but you got up too fast and it immediately got you feeling dizzy.

"Oh no, oh- woah!" You shouted when you lost your footing and slipped.

"(Y/N)!" Ellie shrieked the same time Joel yelled, but before your upper body could completely sink into the water, Joel caught you by the arm, his chest hitting the metal with a hard thud.

"Fuck! Joel- get me out!" You cried and clawed at the poor man's arm, feeling the water splash around your neck and soak your hair.

"Calm down! I got you, give me your other hand!" Joel yelled as he tried to get a hold of you. It was the first time he was seeing pure terror in your eyes, the first time he saw you being afraid of something so badly.

You sobbed as he grabbed your other hand and pulled you up, Ellie running to help you out. The both of them pulled you out and Joel quickly dragged you across and kneeled beside you, laying you on the ground.

"(Y/N), it's okay, you're safe- (Y/N)-" Joel held your face in his hands as you continued sobbing, reminding him of Sa-

"(Y/N)!"

You covered your mouth with the back of your hand, then bit the side of it, forcing yourself to calm down as you choked back your sobs. Joel and Ellie could do nothing but stare as your body slowly stopped shaking.

You pushed yourself off the ground, trembling lightly and sniffing quietly. Your embarrassment was keeping you from turning around to face them, but Joel's soft voice reached your ears from behind you: "You okay?"

"Yeah," you sniffed. "Yeah, I'm- uh, sorry about that... Let's keep moving."

"You sure? You should rest awhile," Joel reached out to grab your shoulder once more, but you turned around before he could.

"I'll rest when we get there," you said, eyes red, voice cracking a bit and throat hurting. "There's only a few miles left, you said? I'll be fine, let's go."

Joel nodded and told Ellie to move, while he stayed back with you. You stared at the side of your hand which now had deep, purple teeth marks on it, too afraid to look at Joel while he spoke quietly: "Why didn't you tell me you were afraid of the water?"

"I'm not afraid of the water, I..." you groaned, tears still rolling down your face. "It's about... Felicity."

Joel stared for a moment, then nodded with a soft expression on his face. He could tell this was no phobia the moment you mentioned her name.

You all walked, climbed some rocks and went under a tree for a while more as Ellie dreamt about coming across a squirrel and eating it. Poor girl was so hungry, and so were you and Joel but she was just a child.

Your blood ran cold when you came across an old FEDRA territory: "Ain't no way around, we're gonna have to cut through the plant," Joel said and gave you a look. "You think it's empty?"

"I've never heard of this base in the past four years or so- It's gotta be, but we have to be careful." You shook your head.

You and Joel tried to open the doors, but they were... locked. Just as you were about to turn around, a woman appeared to your right on the patrol walls. A chill went up your spine.

"Don't even think about reaching for your weapons-" She spoke, but you grabbed your rifle and Ellie had her little pistol already pointing at the woman. "Tell her to drop her gun, now."

"Ellie, do as the lady says," Joel backed away from the door, all of you raising your hands up reluctantly.

"Please tell me you're lost," the blonde woman sighed.

"We didn't know this place was occupied, we're just trying to make our way through." Joel.

"Through to where?"

Your heart began racing again, at the thought of someone recognizing you. You were 98% sure this place was deserted a few years ago, how-

"They're alright." A familiar voice reached your ears from the left, interrupting your thoughts.

"What, you know these people?" The woman asked in confusion.

"I know him," he spoke and the door opened, to reveal Tommy with a rifle in hand. "He's my goddamn brother."

"Tommy?" Joel was stunned at the sight of him and so were you.

"Holy shit," Tommy said before going in for a hug. It was the first time you'd seen Joel look relaxed and genuinely happy.

"How you doin' baby brother?"

"Goddamn... Let me look at you." Tommy gave his brother a once over, commenting on how fuckin' old he'd gotten, the blonde woman appearing from behind the door as well.

"Shit... (Y/N)? What the hell are you doin' with him?" Tommy's smile grew wide and you extended your hand over to him, which he used to grab and pull you into a brief hug with.

"Good to see you too, Tommy," you smiled. "You gotta take these FEDRA signs down man, gives the feller a heart attack."

"That's exactly the point," Tommy chuckled, then gave a look at the blonde lady. "This is Maria," he looked at you and Joel: "Be nice to her, she sorta runs things around here."

"Ma'am," Joel nodded. "Thanks for not blowing my head off."

"Would've been embarrassing," Maria said. "Considering you're my brother-in-law."

Joel looked at the couple, dumbfounded while you looked between the three of them. When the hell did he got married?!

"We all gotta get wrangled up at some point." Tommy smiled at the both of you like a fool in love. You chuckled and shook your head, remembering the times he used to be a Firefly. Maria and Ellie exchanged a quick conversation before Tommy finally made a move to bring you all inside.

There were literally no words whatsoever to describe how relieved you were. Finally, fucking finally, you had reached your safe haven. Ellie was right, although it needed some work this place was indeed like a small village protected by armed men and a huge FEDRA sign. The walls were long and they looked impenetrable. The moment you heard the door close from behind you, you almost collapsed onto the floor; legs turning into jello and relief washing over you, even though you heard Maria say something about bandits and raids.

At least they weren't Hunters.

You mostly stayed quiet as Joel and Tommy caught up, Ellie petted and admired some horses while a lady and Maria talked to Ellie about them. You just watched and tried to enjoy the moment of peace, locking eyes with Joel for a brief moment before Tommy motioned all of you to follow him for the rest of the tour.

"Really though, how did you end up with Joel, (Y/N)?" Tommy asked right before you walked through a door. You could tell he had a lot of questions, but they had to wait for awhile as you didn't really have the energy to answer them.

"It's uh- a long story." You pursed your lips and stared at him with a pitiful look on your face, only for Maria's walkie to interrupt your exchange. Tommy decided to take up her place when she said she'd rather eat with Ellie and you.

"I'll come with you," Joel said. "You two go with Maria and put some food in yourselves."

"Joel?" Ellie objected with a slightly uncomfortable look on her face.

"C'mon Ellie, let's give the boys some space." Maria smiled at her.

"It's alright Ellie, let's go eat." You rubbed her back and began tailing Maria.

"So," Maria sighed with some energy on her, you wish you had the same. "Before I make any assumptions, would you like to tell me where you're headed or why are you all travelling together?"

Ellie and you looked at each other for a short moment as Maria led you through some rooms: "Uh, actually we were travelling separately, they kinda stumbled across me as I was... dying."

Maria turned around to give you a surprised look, making you shrug and smile awkwardly: "I told you it was a long story."

You began telling her about where your roads crossed, without getting into details, as she got all of you... steaks?

Goddamn, you thought.

"We thought you'd be in the city just as we came across the doors," you spoke after finishing your tale. Maria ate normally, while you barely touched your food. Ellie, on the other hand, almost choked on hers because she was eating too fast.

"Slow down, Ells, the food ain't going anywhere," You handed a(n actual) napkin to her as she struggled to breathe.

"So Ellie isn't your and Joel's daughter," Maria smirked. "What a shame, we had just the perfect place for a family of three."

Your cheeks got dusted with pink as you stared at Maria, mouth slightly agape: "No- Although if you have another perfect place for an adult, that'd be great."

"How do you mean?"

"I escaped FEDRA," You spoke uncomfortably. "My team, they... they all died and, I don't wanna go back. I never wanted to be a part of it to begin with, that's why I was scared when you first showed up. I thought it was an ambush."

Maria nodded sympathetically as you continued: "When Ellie told me of this place, she told me I'd be safe here..."

"Oh," Maria sighed. "Of course, yeah... I see that you and Tommy know each other from way back and that he trusts you?"

"Yeah," you tensed. What if she was the jealous type and wasn't going to let you in because of your 'history' with Tommy? "I used to help him and a few other Fireflies out when they couldn't get around FEDRA. I thought they served a good cause but... It was just a few favours and exchanges here and there."

"I see. He never told me about you, I was surprised when he acted the way he did when he saw you." Oh shit.

"I'm not surprised he didn't mention me," you tensed, visibly, shifting uncomfortablly. "We were just good acquaintances but I guess he was too ecstatic to find out his brother and old acquaintance was alive?"

"Relax," Maria laughed. "I'm just messing with you. Of course he told me about you and the way you watched out for him back in the day."

You really wanted to jump off a window when she confessed and giggled. Give me a break...

"You're cruel," you forced a small smile. You and Tommy really were just good acquaintances, nothing more. You really weren't sure why he hugged you all of a sudden.

"She's really tired, go easy on her," Ellie spoke, mouth full.

"I can tell, you look drained." Maria commented on your appearance worriedly. "Come on now, eat up."

"I'm not hungry," you said. After what happened only some minutes ago, your stomach wasn't in the mood for any food; yes, even though it was a delicious looking steak.

"I'm sure you are," Maria smiled sincerely. "You eat this, then take a bath afterwards and rest as long as you need."

"A bath?" Your voice trembled. "If you tell me you have shampoo or something, I'll kiss you."

Maria giggled: "Unfortunately we don't have shampoos, but we do have hot water and some soaps."

Your eyes widened further more as a hand ran through your hair: "I'm not gonna kiss you, I think I'll just pass out instead. God bless."

You had both of them laughing at your comment, which also made you smile.

"Maria," a voice suddenly echoed through the walkie. "We got the electricity back on!"

"Oh that's great news," Maria sighed into the walkie, relieved.

This place didn't feel real. They had a whole village with protection, electricity, actual food and hot baths with soaps? You just might faint on the spot. Instead, you nibbled at your food. Although you still weren't too hungry, you forced down a few bites to keep yourself going.

Minutes passed as Maria and Ellie chatted this time, peaceful minutes they were, but of course it had to come to an end when alarms went off.

"What's going on?" Ellie panicked.

"Bandits," Maria dropped her smile and got off the table. You and Ellie quickly grabbed your guns and got up as well.

"Stay behind here, I'll cover the door," You said, battle instincts kicking in immediately. They did as you asked and watched as you made your way over to the door, hearing Tommy through the walkie for a brief moment before the door flew open. You immediately fired at the unfamiliar face and heard Maria tell Ellie to hide. You hid behind the door as another man came in, quickly putting a bullet through his head and waiting for a moment to see if more men would come.

"(Y/N)?" You heard Ellie whisper. You began sprinting over to them when another bandit came from behind you. He swung a machete at you with a roar, which you barely dodged as it sliced through your waist a little, making you cry out angrily. You immediately rolled away from the man and shot a straight line of bullets from his chest to his forehead before he could approach you, grabbing the machete from him as he fell.

"Are you alright?!" Maria cried, worried, as you examined your wound.

"Yeah, just stay down!" You replied and threw yourself on the ground when a bullet whizzed only inches away from your ear. You took cover behind a crate and listened to the movements of the men: There were three in the room currently, one near your location, one who just got in the room and one headed over to where Maria and Ellie were.

Alright, you took a deep breath, let's do this.

You jumped over the crate from the left side, opposite to where you got into cover from, having the upper hand with the element of surprise, slicing the bandit's throat with the machete. The guy at the entrance shot at you but the shots were poorly aimed, which gave you time to take down the man as he reloaded. Another gunshot rang through the air from behind you, making you run over to where Ellie and Maria where, only to find a dead bandit on the ground.

"We gotta run!" Maria grabbed Ellie's hand and got up, running for a door on the right side of the room. After making sure the other side was clear, you grabbed the machete before leading the girls through the door to a room which was already occupied by four bandits.

You managed to take two down before ducking and taking cover behind a desk which Maria kicked down in the meanwhile. You reflexively held your wounded side, looked at the blood, then huffed angrily. It got too quiet as you did, which made you look up, only to see another man running toward you with a baseball bat with spikes on it.

You quickly backed off as he swung it at you, which you avoided and immediately took advantage off; your own machete was embedded into his skull before he could raise his bat once more, blood splattering on your face.

While you were struggling to get your blade out of the bandit's head, the other man advanced at you with a cry. You grabbed your machete with both hands and pushed the body off with your foot, the corpse falling almost on top of the other bandit which gave you a moment to recollect yourself and attack. The guy dodged you and you dodged him, machetes clanging against each other.

"(Y/N), duck!" You heard Ellie yell and when you did, a shot rang out from Ellie's pistol and the man hit the floor with a painful yelp. Before you could get off the ground however, a much bigger man with a shotgun came through and fired at you.

"Agh, fuck!" You groaned when you rolled out of his view and onto your wounded side, accidentally dropping your rifle on the floor, out of breath.

"Watch out!" Ellie yelled when the man discovered you behind your cover. Just my luck, you smirked when the man realised he had no ammo left. You immediately jumped up and swung your machete at him, but to your surprise he blocked your attack and grabbed your wrist. He twisted your arm and made you cry out, so you kicked him which made him double over. You tried to kick him a second time, but he quickly regained his composure and went for your waist, hugging it and driving you straight into the wall behind you.

"Oof!" You yelped and coughed, striking him with your elbows. He didn't seem to be affected by your advances as he went to choke you. You couldn't block him in time, causing you to fall on the ground with a painful grunt. Your choking noises must've alerted Ellie, for she went out of cover to shoot at the guy, only to find her pistol to be empty. She began reloading but you were running out of time, so you reached out for the machete laying just across you, then stuck it into the side of his neck when you got a hold of it; blood decorating your face furthermore.

"Oh shit, (Y/N)!" Ellie ran over to you as you fought for air, coughing your lungs out. You pushed the man off you and let Ellie hold your hand as you tried to breathe. "You're okay- I think that was the last of them."

Maria came out of the cover after making sure it was safe, rushing to your side.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," you calmed down, blinking away your tears as you rubbed your neck. That was too close, you thought and got up with Maria and Ellie's help slowly.

"You okay?" Tommy and Joel entered the room all of a sudden, Maria rushing to her husband.

"Yeah- yeah I'm fine." She nodded as Tommy held her. Your breathing was still off track as Joel rushed to Ellie's side.

"Joel! Oh man," Ellie spoke. "They were coming in from every direction-"

"Okay," Joel tried to speak but there was no stopping Ellie: "And then Maria was like We gotta run! So (Y/N) led us here and-"

"Listen-"

"We dove over these tables while (Y/N) took out these guys and this huge guy blasts in with a shotgun!"

"Slow down, slow down-"

"And he attacks her but she swings a machete into his neck-"

"Hey- hey! Are you hurt?" Joel asked, finally getting a hold of Ellie.

"No," Ellie gulped as she gave herself a once over, while Tommy and Maria watched the exchange. "But (Y/N) is!"

Joel turned around to see you leaning onto a table, pressing on your wound with a red face and hand prints around your neck, then walked over to you.

"How bad are you hurt?" Joel removed your hand from your waist and gently held your shoulder.

"Not too bad," You said, breathing slowly getting back on track. "Just need to catch my breath."

Maria and the others brought you to a small nursery and they all waited outside except Ellie. She stayed with you as a lady named Katherine cleaned your wound and applied stitches and bandages on it. While you laid down, you heard Maria yell at Tommy, which made Ellie curious and leave your side. After she was done, you thanked Katherine and went outside only to see an upset Ellie going back in your direction.

"Hey, what's going on?" You stood across her.

"Don't get me wrong (Y/N), I wanna be alone right now."

"Okay, kiddo," You nodded, confused. "I'm here if you wanna talk."

"I know."

You walked over to where Joel was after Ellie went some other direction: "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine- what's going on?"

"You seen Ellie?"

"Yeah and, well, she's pissed," you sighed and watched Maria walk over to both of you.

"Here we go..." Joel muttered before getting up to confront Maria.

"You," She was breathing fire. "If anything- anything at all happens to him, it's on you."

You watched her leave, what the hell was going on? The brothers stood in silence for a moment before Tommy spoke: "She's thankful you know."

"Yeah, I know..." Joel sighed. Tommy gave you a look and you took it as your cue to leave, so you got up and started walking away while they chatted quietly. Just as you were out of hearing range, you heard Tommy call for Joel.

"What is it?" You heard Joel ask when you turned around.

"That girl of yours, she took one of our horses and ran off."

You felt as though boiling water was poured on you from head to toe. Shit.

"Damn it," you heard Joel say as he approached you. "Why the hell did you let her go?"

"I didn't do anything," You said. "She said she wanted to be alone, so I let her."

"You let her be alone outside in the woods?" He growled when he got face to face with you.

"I don't like your tone," you hissed at his false accusation, to which he looked at you as if he was saying the audacity. "I didn't let her do nothin', she said she wanted to be alone- how the hell was I supposed to know she was gonna run off?!"

"Can't keep an eye on a kid..." Joel muttered then walked away, you following him.

"She's neither my child nor my responsibility to take across country and you blame me because she ran off? Please."

"Then why are you acting like her mother all the time?"

"Joel, enough. Let's go." Tommy interrupted when they reached the stables. "Not you, (Y/N). Riding will ruin your stitches."

You opened your mouth to disagree but Tommy insisted: "Please just stay. We got this, it's okay."

"Okay... Be careful." You said with a worried look and Tommy nodded in return, Joel already on the move without sparing you another look.

They rode off - all you could do was watch as they disappeared into the woods.

"They'll be fine, ma'am." The guy at the stables smiled. "Tommy and your man can take real good care of themselves-"

"He's not my man." You growled.

"Oh, well, they'll bring your daughter back-"

"She's not my daughter!" You sighed, exasperated. "Just- tell me where Maria is, please?"

He took you to her and you two sat for a while, complaining about the brothers, eventually laughing about it and making Maria say:

"I just, I really love him... if anything happened to him-"

"I know," you smiled softly. "It's not really my lifestyle, but I know what you mean."

"What do you mean not your style?"

"Love never did it for me. I, well, you could say I forgot what it feels like. I never had the time..."

"Oh I see. Well, you're here now," Maria smiled back, then smirked: "Maybe you'll find someone here, if Joel is too much for you to handle."

Your smile dropped: "Maria, I told you, I'm not interested in that jerk and vice versa... Plus, I can handle him just fine!"

You both giggled again and then Maria led you to a spare chamber she offered you to rest in while she arranged a house for you. You laid down and sighed, sleep pushing your eyelids down as soon as your head hit the pillow.

You were exhausted because of everything you've been through and everything you've felt: You were angry at Joel, worried for Ellie, relieved that you made it to Jackson in one piece, also upset that you possibly won't be seeing Ellie after tomorrow; there was also the attraction you felt toward Joel that you furiously denied, the need to relieve yourself down there and whatnot; but you really didn't think it was appropriate with the grief you pushed down and away slowly resurfacing along your feelings. You were absolutely fatigued, you felt like if someone simply touched you by the shoulder, you'd break and turn into dust then and there. At least in a few hours, when you woke up, Ellie would be back and Joel would mutter an apology - two things would be off your mind before you focused on your heavier emotions.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel x reader #tlou x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #the last of us

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ivanaskye · 4 years

Text

I’ve been thinking about making this post for a while, since I finished reading Wheel of Time, a series whose first book I read many years ago and hated, a series which ended up being very much one of my favorite of all time if not my single favorite, a series that has my two favorite characters ever.

A series that is very flawed.

So behold, my long answer to the question...

Should you read The Wheel of Time?

I’ll split this into three sections (but not three posts): What Even Is The Wheel Of Time, Some Likely Dealbreakers, and Tl;Dr.

Under the readmore, of course.

1. What Even Is The Wheel of Time?

A system of circular time in which the same rough eras of humanity repeat

However, the fact that time in the series operates this way... doesn’t actually matter that much.

And out of seven total repeating ages, we only spend time in one, and only know anything at all about four others.

The last three? A mystery

Don’t worry about it

Okay, that’s probably not what you were asking. You were probably asking something more like: what’s the plot of this series?

Let me be straight with you about that one.

It’s a Chosen One plot.

But,

It also has a very large cast of characters, many of which are very Protagonist in their own right

Including the main character’s immediate foil, who is absolutely not a “Chosen One” except for the fact that she freaking chose herself, basically manufacturing her own call to adventure out of the main character’s.

The six Most Main characters (by most fans’ understanding), can IMO be divided exactly into three foil-pairs: the Central Saving The World one, the Self Awareness Whomst? I Hate People Of Course I’d Never Help Anyone (Trips over 139289131 Pictures of Helping Other People) one, and the Study In Leadership one.

And remember that Chosen One I mentioned?

Yeah, he actually has a shit deal with being Chosen

Specifically: he is 100% prophecized to destroy the world. Whether he also saves it is a little more up in the air.

He’s also almost certainly fated to Go Insane.

(...Which is why the first ~3 books of the series are just him Running Away From His Fate at Full Speed, which--spoiler alert--Does Not Work.)

See also: Alienating All Your Friends 101, How NOT To Accept Being Polyamorous, It’s War Crimes Time

(Yes, there is canon polyamory.)

(...And a LOT of canon war crimes.)

But. In order to go any further, I have to talk about the Possible Dealbreakers of these series.

2. So, About Those Dealbreakers

Broadly speaking, I’d say there are three: length, The Gender Binary, and Oh God Why Is Everyone Such A Dumbass.

Let’s go at these one-by-one.

Length

Let me be very clear here: WoT is over four million words long in total.

This has at times been calculated as perhaps the longest word count for any series... ever? It’s certainly one of the longest English-language series that occurs to random statistics geeks to look at the word count of.

For reference, in case you needed it... that’s longer than Homestuck. This is true even if you translate images, videos, and so on into equivalent word counts. And include the epilogue. And... yeah.

It’s like, shonen-long.

The upside of this, however... is that it’s really long.

That might seem like a weird upside, but if you’ve ever wanted to get really immersed in a series... especially if you read very quickly and usually get through things fast... well.

To put things in perspective, I often read 300-page books in one sitting without trouble. WoT took me about six months.

So uh

Do you want your life, mind, body, and soul to get eaten by a book series?

The answer to that question will probably tell you if you should read Wheel of Time

The Gender Binary

Okay, so here’s the thing: in the time period WoT takes place in, only women can use The One Power (the main form of magic in the setting).

The reason for this is that the One Power, despite being called one right there in the name, is divided into the Female Version and the Male Version. Only women can use the former, only men can use the latter. And the latter has been tainted such that any man who uses it goes mad.

Our main character is a man who can use the power.

The upside is that things actually go very un-sexistly from here. The different ways to access male (saidin) vs female (saidar) power don’t actually correlate to any consistent difference in personality or attitudes between men and women.

The fact that the MC is The One Man Using The Power and The Most Powerful, Because Chosen One... is actually also played shockingly un-sexistly.

However, there very much always is that binary. Trans people? Nonbinary people? Uh... you can headcanon if you want, but the canon is not giving you that much to work with.

To make matters a little worse, men and women distrust each other to an almost hilarious amount in the setting. (My guess is something about Mostly A Patriarchy + Women Are The Mysterious Powerful Magic Users has really frayed gender relations in this society.) There are many, many in-character statements of “All men are [x unflattering thing]” “all women are [y unflattering thing]”, but these do not seem to in any way reflect the author’s beliefs, and are never actually true in-world; the characters are just Bad At This.

(A common example of this is “Women are all gossips!” *cut to a group of women* “Men are all gossips!”. Of course, the truth is that there are both male and female gossips and non-gossips in the series).

You would think this situation would lead to more just-women and just-men groups, but except from Magic-User Stuff, there isn’t that much of that, becaaaaause

~Heterosexuality~

Sigh, yes, this series is very het.

It’s not as het as it is binary; the Aes Sedai (female magic users) have a word for women who are having sex with each other, and there’s an onpage FF kiss in the prequel.

But it’s... not a lot.

So if you need a hit of sweet, sweet LGBTQ rep, it’s... not going to be here. Sorry. (Thankfully, a very large amount of fantasy books coming out today do have rep! It’s not that hard to find!)

Thankfully, most of WoT’s het romances are pretty good and believable/shippable. Though not all are.

And, the final likely dealbreaker...

Everyone Here Is A Dumbass

Listen. Nobody in this series drank their Having Brain Cells juice, uh... ever.

(Okay, exactly two characters--Min and Loial--did, but that’s it)

You know how I was talking about the gender mistrust? That’s just one example of an endemic problem of absolutely no one trusting other people, telling anyone things, or in any way having functional conversations

Min Literally Saves Lives By Being The Only Person Who Tells People Things

In addition to interpersonal problems, the characters’ problem-solving skills are uhh

Uhhhhhh

Uhhhhhhhh

Well, as I said, Rand, our main character, spends three books running away from his problems at full speed

After that, he’s only uh... dodging! Jogging away! Yeah

Meanwhile, basically everyone is doing the I Must Put Myself In Extreme Danger To Protect My Friends Who I would Never Accept Doing The Same (bonus points for when two people are doing this to protect each other at the same time) thing

And I Will Face God And Run Into Danger At Mach Speed

The upside is... you might like reading about these kinds of characters

But if you prefer characters who are not walking trash fires

Then I’m sorry

WoT is probably not for you

3. Tl;dr

In summary, Wheel of Time is an almost comically long series about a large cast of characters who have never functioned in their life trying to prevent the end of the world and having a really bad time.

(For some reason it doesn’t have a reputation as a Dark SeriesTM, but it actually is very dark at times. Although far from grim--every action seems to really matter, nothing is meaningless, it’s just that sometimes those actions are war crimes and people dying and a shit-ton of torture).

IMO, some of the other series that might be good predictors for liking WoT are Homestuck, Hunter X Hunter, and ASOIAF. In other words, other very long, large-casted series about trash fires.

If you want one other bit of enticement, the main character has the lowest nadir of any character arc I’ve ever seen, followed by the most impressive high and resolution. So if that’s your kind of thing, and if the dealbreakers don’t break your deals. Go ahead and give it a try.

#wot #wheel of time

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chaseagainstonision · 4 years

Text

A personal call out post

Let me preface this with having y'all not send her hate. I just wanted to bring awareness to this on Twitter as well as here becuaes I'm agitated and fed of with people who are constantly toxic to those around them and having stans/simps who back them up at every turn and enable them.

---------------------

I wanted to talk about @babblingartblog @naughtybabs and the drama I have surrounding her. I want to cover some of this: https://drive.google.com/drive/u/1/folders/17c7F4GZXCVtqVqKPXNc4lWHS0T9pHZz2 and touch on some of the bigger things in each folder since I didn't quite do that last time since I was pissed.

Note that these folders will constantly be updating. I still have some caps that I have not tossed in these folder as I have not edited out usernames for privacy reasons. I have a folder on my desktop that is also uncensored for my own reference.

Starting off with Art and Caps (https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1J_dwVDk396Cx-gZROZqK1dCB2ih5LJ6E?usp=sharing), this should be pretty straight forward. Some videos I have here are of her blatently tracing or stealing images from Google or elsewhere. I have tried to find sources for as many of these as I could. No true artist worth their salt would actually trace for a piece, especially not for commissions. Some of the other images are just some critiquing and stuff. The critiques are just personal gripes about her art that I feel could be improved upon.

For Facebook (https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/11-374WefqZaE4YWVC3HNpsyWLrnkF6Or?usp=sharing), a few things stand out more than others. The first thing is something that happened at a larp she attended. She claims that she didn't do this, but multiple other people attest otherwise. It's an incident where she tried to break up a married couple and call the man's wife a bitch and what have you. She's also expressed some rather NSFW kinks/fetishes in these larp spaces that have made others uncomfortable. She had even gotten temporarily kicked from one larp group due to these actions. Another thing that stands out more than others is her promise to change and then falling right back into old habits. There are several of these posts and I think also a few tweets, but I'll touch of tweets further down. Anyway, there are countless times that people have told her that she needs help and needs to be a better person and she basically just shrugs it off and keeps up with her toxicity.

The final thing that I'd like to touch on in this section that's a red flag is how she treated her former place of residence. Without going into too much detail as I don't want to involve her former roomies in this more than I have to. She's claimed numerous times that her former residence was abusive when it wasn't anywhere near what she's said. She was the one creating a toxic environment and people were getting tired of her shit. Between her quitting jobs with no good reason, to not paying rent and spending what should have been rent money on larps and fast food and other such luxuries and accusing a former roomie of something heinous, she brought down the mental health of everyone in that house.

There are various other things that you can look through that I haven't even touched upon that set off more red flags. There were also some DMs that I had omitted that I won't release but can summarize if need be later. Also, I realize that some of these caps are ant sized, so if you need me to transcribe them, feel free to ask.

For Tumblr and Misc (https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/152bkOkTiH4ZfWk3t9g3JhHMwSz2J-YjT?usp=sharing), there's not much there. Just some asks about the larp things I mentioned in the Facebook section, her GoFundMe, which I'll also touch upon in the Twitter section, and some caps from Youtube about her tracing.

For Twitter (https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1pGqz6qTFuvKZDYPuxQTk6CLxGgJokYa8?usp=sharing), there are a ton of caps. There are only a few things that stuck out to my with these caps, too. Outside of the Hazbin Hotel drama, that is, since there are quite a bit of caps there.

The first is the most recent and the thing that kicked me sharing all of this originally. It relates to a Slenderman series creator names Adam Rosner who was outed as a piece of shit who did some unsavory things with a few people underage, as well as some other horrible, heinous shit. She claimed to be friends with him and that she "still can't believe that [she] ignored [her] gut" about how much of a creep he actually was. I called her out the two times that she spoke out about this because I knew, from personal experience and from also knowing Adam and interacting with him at a limited capacity (I just thought he was kind of a snob originally and was fame hungry), that she had been lying and had only really been an acquaintance, much like myself, and also had limited interactions with him.

Touching on the GoFundMe that I mentioned earlier, though, and she admitted that she, herself, donated her $1400 stimulus check from 2020 to inflate the amount she received from her GFM. The GFM was taken poorly from some former friends as she owns them money and she, instead of trying to pay some of that back, dumped her money in the GFM to inflate it.

She's also brought up a few times where she would like friends who wouldn't crucify her and that calling her out on her bad behavior and holding her to a standard means that you're stalking her or being mean or something. This piggy backs off of the point from the FB section about her saying she'll get better then doesn't.

For Videos and Caps (https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1vukA5KmVvbF56pC91GGD4s-FCZaXwW6W?usp=sharing), there are uhh... some questionable things in here.

The first is stuff that I had transcribed since it's in parts. This, against, cycles back to her attempts at fundraising for herself. She had gotten angry about various BLM protesters had gotten money for bail and lawyers and what not and that no one was, essentially, donating to her cause donating to small creators isn't "trendy" or "popular" or some such nonsense. Then, tried to back peddle by saying that capitalism sucks and how she shouldn't had used her GFM to compare to BLM but that the poor, LGBT+, black, etc aren't accessories or something but really still giving a nonapology.

Which brings be to a related but not really point about the stutter that she had. She's done this weirdly forced stutter in a few videos and I asked around if it was a thing that she had done before and it wasn't and is, indeed, a forced reaction to garner sympathy.

Swinging back around the the fundraisers she posted on FB and the bit about her roomies, there was a video that she had made accusing one former roomie of some nasty things, as well, when it never happened. The actual story, without getting into too much detail, was that she had pined after this roomie for a bit and was enamored with him but he had (and still has) a girlfriend.

As for the other videos, there's just a lot of depressed posting and what not. Like, a lot of depressed posting.

Some general statements: Normally I wouldn't dump on some of these things if it were anyone else, but knowing her personally and talking to some former friends and what have you and knowing how she is after all of this observation, there have been a lot of red flags that popped up. Like, I'm not here to victim blame or laugh at someone over mental illness or any of that shit. But I also know that she siphons personality traits and whatnot from the people around her.

#artists #artists on tumblr #art theft #art #digital art

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pianoperson · 4 years

Note

We don’t get enough Jonah content. Gimme more soft Jonah.

I like how you think anon. ;))

Huh, soft Jonah... how to function aaaaaaaa

He don’t look it at first, but he squish squoosh on the cheekies. Poke da face cheeks, wowowow super squishy, you will wanna poke again

He gonn pout at you >:<< for squooshing his face but you be like “waahhhhhh your cheeks are so squiiiiiiiiiiiiiishy” and he can’t resist le smile on your face

Because how can he

Speaking of smiley

You and Jonah be having ‘no u’ conversations occasionally

“Your smile is beautiful.” “No, yours is!” “No yours!” “No, yours!”

“You’re cute.” “Am not cute, you’re the cute one.” “No, you’re cute!” “No you!” “No you!”

But those convos end in one way: kiss 😙

Okok he is sO gentle with you when you kiss him??? He’ll cup your face with his cheek, and his kisses are full of passion but they’re never too rough.

He would tuck your hair behind your ear anytime. When you’re eating, when you see each other in the hallway, when you have passionate sessions in the bedroom. He does that because he wants to see your face. Because he thinks... no, he knows you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen and he wants to see your face.

Cuddle 👏 session 👏 these tend to happen when a) it has been stressful b) you haven’t seen each other for the whole day, or c) lol idk you just want to. You don’t make any attempt to move, you just lie down beside each other, in each other’s arms, taking in each other’s scent. You can’t help but feel how perfect you fit in Jonah’s embrace, and same for him.

Your hugs don’t end there. He’ll occasionally chase you down just to have a hug, which you’d gladly give because... it’s Jonah and lowkey, you’ve been craving for a hug from him.

Aside from physical affection, Jonah’s gonna show his love for you through gifts. Look, his wallet’s bloated, and he knows this. He’s gonna get you anything. Just make sure you tell him straight that you no like too much gifts, so you don’t have a shit ton of stuff you might not use. But try to accept them haha

HHHHHHHHHHH OK BUT IMAGINE 👏 RUNNING 👏 AROUND 👏 PLAYING 👏 TAG 👏 NONONO LET ME JUST.... you’re probably in a really mischievous mood, because Jonah wants this object you’re holding but before you realize it, you’re like ‘catch me if you can then’ and start running. You slow down at first, thinking he wouldn’t find it amusing, only to squeal and pick up pace because Jonah is actually chasing you. You two continue running around until a) someone tells you to stop (which almost never happens) or b) you get tired and Jonah catches you in his arms, takes the object from your hands, kisses you, and says in a husky whisper, “I caught you.”

Okok I actually really need to let this out.

When. You’re. Sad.

So Jonah’s world is high-class society that reeks of plastic nobles and metallic scents of wealth. Of course, people will judge you, esp if you’re not from high-class society (which you likely aren’t but idk who would be reading this) and this may bring your self-esteem down.

If their judgements don’t bring you down (which is good because they don’t know you and they’re the ones with a problem pfft), then it’s gonna be the prim and proper lifestyle that could. Look, Jonah is proper, graceful, polite, and well-mannered. And in the noble class, that should be expected. But uh here you are, too casual for that sort of thing. And it makes you feel ashamed because Jonah doesn’t deserve someone who probably eats like a pig or burps way too loudly (I know I do 🤭) or is just not the picture of propriety. You want to stand by his side, but you don’t want to ruin his rep and image too.

So you get a little sulky, but you try. You try to be more well-mannered. It’s not that it’s a bad thing to try and be more proper, especially with other people, but it’s the fact that you look a little gloomier, you feel less like yourself as you force yourself to sit up straight and daintily wipe your mouth with a napkin, as you try to seem more graceful, that makes it a problem. And each mistake you think you made, you beat yourself up by saying no that’s not enough for Jonah.

Do you think Jonah won’t notice? Of course he would, you’re the love of his life. Your smile was what started his own fall through the rabbit hole and ended up with him loving you so much. And he would do anything to bring that radiant smile to your face.

No no, he does not like that smile you give him when you say you’re fine, you’re ok. Because that smile does not reach your eyes and your cheeks looked like they want to drop and form the expressions your heart feels.

He will pester you a bit (“are you ok? Are you sure?”/“what’s wrong? What do you mean it’s nothing, is there something wrong?”), but when it’s clear you didn’t want to say, he will give you privacy.

It was one night, when you were alone, that you just broke. Perhaps it’s your thoughts that continued haunting you, perhaps someone said something to you that hit the nail on the coffin. But you couldn’t hold in your insecurities. You started crying because you didn’t feel enough, you felt that you were burdening Jonah. You even thought about leaving him quietly so he can find someone better.

It was also coincidental that Jonah couldn’t fall asleep right away that night because something felt off. He was wondering what was happening to you and decided to check how you were doing.

He caught you sobbing alone from a distance. He never ran so fast in his life as he hurried to have you in his arms and comfort you as the tears fell.

When you calmed down, you confessed to him all the things that brought you down, even telling him that you thought he deserves someone better than you.

“Why didn’t you tell me these things sooner,” he asks.

He’s going to tell you that you are worth so much to him. He’s going to tell you you are so precious to him. And he will tell you that you shouldn’t hide these kinds of things from him through ‘nothings’ and ‘I’m fine’ because he hates knowing that you’re not alright but he doesn’t know how to help you. He can’t be there for you. And it frustrates him because he can’t stand not seeing that honest beautiful smile on your face.

He’s not gonna stop there, though. Jonah is an ‘actions are stronger than words’ kind of guy. He’s not gonna just show his love through a speech. He’s gonna use his body to imprint his love for you.

Oh yes

You know how Jonah’s all like, “I don’t believe in apologizing.”?

He will remind you to not say sorry during times that it’s not necessary.

“I’m sorry if I’m rambling.” “You don’t have to say sorry for rambling. I’m already listening to you, so just go on.”

He doesn’t want you to apologize over things like that because it’s like you’re saying sorry for liking something, for being the kind of person you are, when he loves you for who you are. And he wants you to see that you’re someone who is loved.

Aaaaaaaaaaa Jonah would take you out to stargazing dates!!! And under those stars, you two would have senti moments as you bring up past memories, probably due to the fact he tends to take you to the Lake of Tears, the place where your feelings towards each other changed into something a little more (the place where Jonah calls you by your name for the first time, the place where you first felt your heart race when he held you by the shoulders as he expressed his worries). You would talk until 2am, and 99% of the time, you’ll come back soaking wet because you tackled Jonah into the lake haha

Uhh I probably have more but I can’t recall in the meantime. Well, I’ll end up feeling soft again tonight before I sleep. Hah Jonah, the things you do to my heart.

#ikerev #ikemen revolution #jonah clemence

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fearfearer · 5 years

Text

i have caught up with the magnus archives.

when i started listening, i started a text file to note down any thoughts/confusion/analysis/jokes i had as i listened. i isolated a few bits of it into standalone text posts that i already posted, but here is the whole thing, my long-form liveblog

thoughts on the magnus archive as i listen

jonny sims gives an impassioned performance of someone's statement-- a diegetic impassioned performance, as we witness it being interrupted and resuming-- and follows it up with his own judgement of merciless doubt. classic. why the impassioned performance? he's just a nerd. i dearly hope this is the fandom consensus

every episode ends at the perfect volume to which i have adjusted it, and then i start the next episode and it blares in my ears. i think the volume of the intro must be like 1.75x the volume of the rest

*makes a serious effort to listen to and remember the name and date at the beginning of the statement recording* *forgets completely within 2 minutes*

i saw a fanart of gerard keay and learned [1] that he must be a good guy after all, since they drew him lookin cute, and [2] that his name is not, in fact, jared key. what, am i supposed to be looking at the transcripts? understanding names properly? in my defense, jonny sims clearly articulates "Jared" when he says it. maybe i'm not as good at decoding british accents as i thought. [footnote added in later: ok good i'm not the only one who hears "Jared" and thinks "Jared" instead of "Gerard"]

when gerard keay was described as having numerous eye tattoos on his joints, obviously my first thought was, "including the ankle? so he's count olaf?" because that's definitely a way count olaf would disguise his eye tattoo: by tattooing eyes everywhere else too and becoming The Eye Tattoo Guy. anyway this is part of why i was not at first inclined to think favorably of gerard keay

"The first thing about this statement that makes me dubious is that it comes from a fellow academic." if you know shit fuck you

it has come to my attention that there are ships. makes sense... after all, everyone in every fandom is horny af*. i'm not in deep enough to ship yet but naturally i'm keeping an eye on it

*horny af for depictions of intimacy, sexual or otherwise, but mostly sexual

definitely feel like i need to be writing down every name i hear because they're never not cropping back up but for now i'll just let it all wash over me

so sasha has been replaced with not-sasha, huh? pretty sure. though i'm not good at distinguishing voices. but that sounded pretty different, and my listening comprehension wrt that table isn't that bad. <<as time passes i doubt myself more and more on this point but not enough to go back and listen again

"You believe me?" "Yes, I think I do." (smashes button labeled "CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT" and a loud buzzer sounds)

IT'S MICHAEL!!! i hope michael is a long-term good guy... he's not seeming like a good guy right now... he says he's mostly neutral. vaguely recall seeing a tumblr post about michael in the recent past but that didn't give me any hints and i don't remember it well anyway. michael's voice is good though. good laugh

i'm not good at visualizing characters based on descriptions, let alone based merely on their voices, so the only image i have in my head of jonathan is a furrowed brow

i'm on episode 49 and i don't like jonathan's distrust of his colleagues... i don't understand why his immediate suspicion was that gertrude's murder was an inside job. hasn't he just learned firsthand that the institute is not impenetrable? it's not inconceivable that someone could enter and shoot her and leave. especially when it took place in underground tunnels connected to unknown locations.

there's a good Old Lady Voice Combo on episode 62

so agnes montague was heavily cursed... that's my conclusion after episode 67

elias seems to tell jonathan to "get some sleep" a lot. though it IS generally good advice

episode 70, 9 minutes, 41 seconds: jonny sims's cell phone goes off in the background

small brain: ghost ship medium brain: ghost train galaxy brain: dirt train

i wanted to see if there was fanart of michael so i looked it up... i might as well have googled "blonde slenderman"

sweeney todd mentions tally: II

for some reason, hearing michael described this time as "a tall man with curly blonde hair and an unnerving laugh" puts an image in my head without my consent, and that image is chris fleming. now, he's not quite blonde, is he? but that doesn't change my casting decision, which is now set in stone. hope he does a good british accent

"YES i know what a meme is."

why is melanie the first/only one to notice that sasha is now not-sasha? is it because she is experienced in firsthand paranormal encounters (whereas the archivists are experienced in decidedly SECONDhand paranormal encounters, save for the worm debacle)? oh, my question was answered handily in the next episode. ok.

the replacer definitely limits its glamour to everyone except one person just so that it can be amused by the distress and confusion of the one person who can see the truth. that must also be the reason it chooses a completely different appearance. it surely COULD replace a person with their exact likeness; it just uses another face for fun, and to be satisfied that it can get away with it.

this table has appeared in like 10 episodes... Guess It's Crucial

jonny sims yelling while swinging an axe. jonny sims goes through michael's door (eyes emoji)

the idea of the replacer killing jonathan and not even replacing him brings to mind "AT LEAST RIDE IT YOU ASSHOLE"

wasn't expecting to hear from leitner at this point... he's dropping tons of lore here. too much lore. so much is happening. i have to say i kinda like it better when the stakes are not quite so high as this.

so at the end of season 2, tim and martin believe that jonny sims killed this guy, who they probably don't know is leitner... and we the audience believe that elias, now almost certainly a double murderer, has very quietly stabbed leitner to death. do i the audience believe it? i'll keep an open mind for now. things are not always as they seem. except when sasha was replaced with not-sasha, which was exactly as it seemed. [footnote added in later: looks like elias being a double murderer was exactly as it seemed.]

so jonathan sims is the name of the actual guy voicing jonathan sims. it's a cecil situation. so are they someday going to go back and retcon every episode to change his name, like with palmer/baldwin? or does jonathan sims just not mind being a character as well? as long as it doesn't devolve into RPS i guess it's fine. if there's fanart of jonmartin i hope it doesn't depict them as their actors bc that's too close for comfort to RPS

there's been a truly hellish c*ndy cr*sh ad that has played like 40 times between episodes and i'm pretty well convinced to never ever play that curséd game

elias has some serious blackmail for daisy, huh? that's heavy, having police characters in fiction who do extrajudicial killings. life imitates art imitates life

"i'm not on drugs or anything. ...what? i could be on drugs!"

he said "ample opportunity" but like "amplopportunity" with emphasis on the "plop"

it was obviously elias who delivered the statement to jonathan in hiding, because he knew he would record it despite not being at work... bc he's a nerd

so if gerard keay has eye tattoos, does that mean he also serves the uhh the observing or whatever? [verdict arrived at later: no he just has those because he's cool. or because his mom tattooed him. ok almost certainly the latter.]

"what do i feed it?" obviously you feed it filled up cassette tapes, jon... nothing has ever been more obvious

it's okay that jon very stupidly burned his hand to a crisp. you don't need even one hand to turn on a cassette recorder. you can do that with your nose

so if these people who are wax figures serve the desolation, and not-sasha was spending time at the wax museum, does that mean there is a connection between the replacer and desolation? i think that would make sense, since both seem to enjoy making people feel bad feelings. also i'm starting to think that agnes was not actually cursed, but that would mean she burned that guy on purpose after being nice to him... was she just really selfish in that way? using him to experience Dating and mutilating him when he crossed the line, so she punished him as a cruel goodbye? or just building up his hopes so they will be even more fun to burn down when the time comes?

"perhaps doing a bit of mindless filing will help distract you." honestly that is something i would like to do in real life... i do enjoy a good mindless task. though doing mostly mindless tasks 40 hours a week is not a fun time for me lately. but it would be better if i didn't have to listen to bad radio at the same time

what?! the friendly midnight acrobat described in episode 90 sounds totally non-threatening and i hope there's fanart of it. was that gym just jared the bone turner helping people live their twisted athletic fetishes?! [footnote added in later: YES! god i hope people draw these turn-boned creatures optimized for their gymnastic of choice. show me a person who remade their body specifically for the balance beam]

so the power endowed in the archivist by the viewening is that when you sit them down across from someone they want to interview, that someone will invariably spill SOME beans and think it was their idea. maybe? [footnote added in later: yes.]

ok so Michael "The Distortion" Michael, of fractals and golden ringlets, has specifically tormented this other michael, lichtenberg michael?

jon is clearly moved to ask questions by an external force because he's a sensible guy who would not try to ask questions when daisy is holding a gun on him

i think basira has precisely the same accent as estelle... or maybe just a similarly staccato way of speaking (or of line-reading)

[episode 93] elias: (holding jon's face between two pieces of bread) what are you? jon: (sigh) the archivist...

well, they did something i didn't expect them to do with this show: create a compelling in-universe reason for jon to read statements aloud. because obviously until now there was none.

jon did the cockney accents. (insert emoji for indescribable feeling)

here's the purpose of the pit: if we all climb in the muddy pit together at night, the earthquake will only jiggle us gently and no one will be inside collapsing buildings to be crushed. it's only logical

ok i was gonna say this before but why is jon still at georgie's house??? he's not on the run for murder anymore, right? he has an apartment with all his stuff in it, right? [footnote added in later: i still don't understand why it was like this.]

i will confess that usually once the credits start to roll i zip to the next episode, but this time i zoned out a bit and it's really funny that jonny sims reads out "Rate and Review Us Online" in his archivist voice

a third michael. this one is probably already dead though. unless distortion michael takes over this guy's body or something. oh, jon came in at the end of the episode to say precisely this.

was episode 100 mostly improvised? if so, that would be appropriate. but i wouldn't put it past them to write every stuttering bit of those four statements

MARTIN...................................................................................................................................................... (typed this as martin gave some of his own money to the lady who expected payment for a statement)

i'm skipping 100.1 through 100.5 for now... just for now.

ok so michael is michael but not lightning mike michael, and two of these michaels are dead, but one is something that has never been alive nor dead. got it

everyone's morality is much more gray than i at first anticipated. the only people who seem to be solidly and earnestly on the side of good, as much as possible, are jonathan and martin and basira and georgie and maybe tim?

so michael just died and was overtaken by pseudo-helen? neo-helen? ok. that's kinda too bad, as i enjoyed michael's terrible laugh and unpredictability. but the feeling of michael being revealed as having been michael shelley feels somewhat similarly disappointing (but a bit less staggeringly groan-inducing) to when the mysterious koro-sensei in assassination classroom was revealed to have been a twink in his past. because of course he was. (that's when i stopped reading that manga. too precipitously dumb to sustain my suspension of disbelief.) it's like, ok, you had an interestingly mysterious character going on, but having solved the mystery, what interestingness is left? not much. fortunately this was resolved by promptly ending the existence of this michael and instead introducing new and improved helen

ooh martin has the asky ability too huh? nice [footnote added in later: he only used it this one time, and i'm wondering if they did that and then forgot and decided that jon is actually the only one with asky ability.] [[another footnote added in much later: How did i manage to mistake jon’s voice for martin’s voice? How?]]

the way martin said "kumo ga tabeteiru" in episode 110... alexander j newall does not watch anime

"I'm a book." ~Gerard Keay, 2017

it was a few episodes ago now but i noticed that when jon clearly articulated "Jared" referring to gerard, elias was like "Jared? you mean Gerard Keay?" (pronouncing it like "Gerard.") there is definitely a disagreement between these two (actors) about how to pronounce that name

the eye, the spiral, the end, the stranger, the lonely, the desolation, the slaughter, the vast, the buried, the dark, the corruption, the web, the flesh, the hunt.

Q: why would anyone want one of these rituals to succeed? A: it's their fetish. it's their sexual fetish

ok time to make up names for each possible apocalypse. these are the real and true names according to me, who knows such things: the eye - the viewening the spiral - down the drain the end - the really end end the stranger - oh wait we know this one. it's the unknowing. the lonely - the alonening the desolation - Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Lightless Flame the slaughter - world war all the vast - the expansion the buried - the grand lahar (or the Smothering) the dark - the extinguishment the corruption - the Great Rot the web - the spidening the flesh - the smorgasbord (or the Eatening) the hunt - come and get it

gerry said there was no dark god of indigestion, but i can tell you from personal experience that there is. though it's true that there is also fear involved, so maybe no separate pantheon is necessary

i sense that there is a battle between people who say it like "gotta get myself oriented" and "i feel disoriented" (as feels correct/natural to me) and people who say "gotta get myself orienTATed" and "i feel disorienTATed," and this podcast falls SQUARELY on the latter team. they've said it like 20 times

idk why he has to be such a dick to helen. jeez

the guy who coded his mind into a computer, which of the 14 was that? the corruption? the stranger? gotta be the corruption, but that doesn't fit perfectly with its rot/bugs aesthetic...

speed -> speeding -> sped. heed -> heeding -> hed. thus i decree

in my dream i listened to a whole episode of this show, narrated by gertrude, and i was like "whoa this is cool" and i went to write it down but i was still in the dream and writing doesn't work in dreams :( also any successful writing in dreams doesn't transfer to real life paper :( the only snippet i remember: “...in his white mouth, which had known only bread...”

"I, uh..." Jonathan Sims, a thousand times, 20XX

martin's job is PLAINLY to distract elias and elias barges in like "martin. i see you're trying to distract me." and martin's like "maybe i am!"

o, jonny took a breath. that's good

he wasn't hooked up to an EKG or anything? you spend long enough with no heartbeat that they're just like "i guess we can turn this off"

this episode about philosophical zombies sounds a lot like that NPC meme from a year or two ago... and it makes me kind of uncomfortable, the way this person inspects others to determine whether they are True Minds or Impostors based on their emotional expressions, their eyes... because i don't always do the correct or appropriate expressions, and would someone judge me as being a non-person who is trying and failing to imitate human emotions?

i generally don't enjoy ships that have more-or-less explicit canon support, but i can't say jon/martin isn't good

melanie blaming jon isn't right... no one had a better plan to stop the unknowing, did they? (they didn't!) didn't all of them agree on the plan and understand that they might die? (they did!) she's just imposing survivor's guilt upon him because he survived for supernatural reasons. but it's not like he eagerly embraced his new supernaturalness, or even asked for it outright! i think she's being unreasonable. i didn't like her insistence on trying to kill elias either, even though elias is a huge dick. what's with her?

wait, peter lukas is the lonely? (meme where calculations and equations whiz past me)

jonathan baa'd

oh, see. the bullet is making melanie act without reason. i get it now. can't say i think they had the best approach to getting the bullet out, but all's well that ends well (???)

martin is being prohibited from talking to jon >:I martin is on a first-name basis with peter lukas >:I...

martin grumbles, "i don't like being manipulated..." while obviously and continuously allowing himself to be manipulated

jon is afraid of and uncomfortable with what he's becoming, at least to a degree, right? but he seems to be going about his duties (i.e. feeding the eye) with vigor and without reluctance. is he really that motivated by his own desire to know and understand? who is he doing this for? is the eye's influence on him so strong that "doing what the eye wants" seems to manifest as what HE wants to do?

"He'd place it over the one he wore already, and he would larf and larf and larf" (from breacon’s statement... just heard it like this for some reason)

deep water could be the domain of both the buried and the vast, because you could lose yourself in the vast ocean, but experience the physical effects of being buried under thousands of feet of water...

so tom han was an avatar of the flesh but he ultimately died after being tortured by the spiral... right?

"we're not people, though, are we? not anymore." close enough, i'd say.

jonathan has deployed THREE "I, uh..."s in episode 131 alone and i want to smack him in real life. FOUR NOW. JON. JONATHAN SIMS THE REAL ACTOR. LISTEN... quit falling back on your "I, uh..."s. and if they're written into the script i'll punch whoever did that too. total of five in a single episode. never utter "I, uh..." again

i hope whoever's throat is okay after doing bone turner voice for a whole statement.

jonny sure needs saving quite often, doesn't he.

peter lukas being a slightly chipper advocate for becoming a follower of the lonely is very strange

neil lagorio and his whole cinematographic history is made up but they namedropped kevin costner, who is real

VERY, VERY GOOD laugh at 23:44 of episode 136

melanie getting her session recorded... i was doing audio transcription for a while and you'd definitely come across bits of therapy-type sessions that very much seemed like they should have been confidential.

i wonder if the eye ultimately turned its back on gertrude and allowed her to be killed. if jon could survive a collapsing building, could gertrude not have survived a couple of bullets? wouldn't the difference be the protection of the eye? [footnote added in later: of course now i see who turned their back on whom.]

i'm somewhat heartened to learn that agnes montague was, in fact, a heavily cursed individual, though she seemed to have embraced it to a degree... and she wasn't made of wax.

i like that jon now includes helen in his office politics briefing

basira's like "Edmund Halley" and jon's like "Halley's comet?" (like “Hale-ey”) and two minutes later jon's like "Edmund Hally" (not "Hale-y")

"What's this?" "OH... That's, uh... that's... my rib..." "Right." (tiny clunk of rib being set down)

so giving a statement puts a curse on you... or is it "having a statement extracted / being compelled" that puts a curse on you? and the resulting curse, the fear it reawakens, is that good for the eye, or is that good for the powers that initially caused the fear?

well, i heard a homestuck reference in one of the patreon names at the beginning of an episode, and who is surprised? of course, i'm not one to talk

episode 144- the english think their summer is bad... as a professional "hot weather is bad" person, i feel doubtful, because if the sky is grey, it is not as hot as it Could Be, and therefore one should quit one's bitching

first statement about the extinction... interesting. but hearing martin be a jerk to daisy makes me sad :(

the powers never tell avatars exactly what they need to be doing, but that's just concerning the means. the ends are always clear: the power gets fed. and all of the powers feed on fear. also jonny is horny for statements. i hope, but also doubt, that his harmful behavior is at least partially the spider's doing. oh, i see now that it's not. yeah.

jon wants to eat fresh and delicious statements produced just for him, instead of reconstituting the dusty old statements already in the archive

episode 148 - samson stiller gets a crush. but in all seriousness, is he becoming an avatar of the eye but like, not institute-related? is that a thing? i guess that would make sense, but still seems weird

episode 149 - considering ring -> rang -> rung, we seem to have stumbled upon spin -> span -> spun, and the compasses gently span around (9:40)

does martin have loneliness powers now? it's sad that he is getting lonely... as a lonely person, i know.

the lady on TV in episode 150 was just speaking simlish.

i really want jon to overcome his urge to forcefully take statements because i want to be able to root for him still

british podcasts really have a leg up over american podcasts, at least among american audiences, purely based on their interesting and varied accents

i can't say the gravedigger's envy doesn't make me myself feel like going to sleep in the cold dirt forever. but bad depression lately is also a factor, so

jonathan having to settle for reading already archived statements instead of harvesting fresh ones is exactly like a vampire (not the kind detailed in this series) who has to choose between hunting people to suck their blood or drinking bags of donated blood from a (near-endless) stockpile. there's an ethical choice with a clear right answer, but the urge is also understandable

jon following up gertrude's tape with just "fuck" was really good. now he's like "ok martin. let's run away together"

spent all day at work thinking about how i can't fuckin believe the first thing jon did when he heard how to escape the institute was to go tell martin like "there will be a great cost, but... we can elope now"

also if tim was still around jon would tell him the way out and he would do it right then and there, i'm 100% sure. like before jon was finished explaining tim would be like "the eyes? (grabs scissors) got it. (does the deed)"

earlier today i was just thinking that we would almost certainly hear gertrude's death on tape, especially given that we now understand tape recorders are wont to turn on autonomously whenever something important is happening. anyway then i came home and heard gertrude's death on tape

peter, as an avatar of the lonely, is easy to play like a cheap whistle because as someone who clearly hates spending time around other people, he is not keen to the symptoms of being played.

elias is like "you'll have to go into the lonely to get him" and jon's probably thinking "but then at least we'll be in the lonely... ~*~*~together~*~*~"

i think martin's whole thing for most of the series has been that he sounds a little doofy, for lack of a better word, and people constantly underestimate his intelligence. and now he has played peter lukas like a cheap whistle and forced me to realize that by taking for granted that he was being successfully manipulated by peter lukas, i too was underestimating martin... and his pure love for jon <:3c no but seriously i even remember explicitly making a mental note to remember that martin is smartin but it fell by the wayside as my emotions (of sadness that jon and martin seemed to be growing further apart) took precedent

i work a non-verbal job just doing mundane tasks and that gives me all the time in the world to think about things like "if they were to have jon and martin reunite in a tearful embrace, how would you convey the physical contact in an audio format? like, whap? soft thud?"

jon enters the lonely and voiceover peter comes in to try and factcheck the ship

i guess it makes sense that peter would try to do the ritual for the lonely all by himself

did he kill peter by asking him to death? or did peter just self-destruct rather than be forced to answer?

the way jon snapped martin out of the loneliness just by making him look at his face... that's powerful. as a lonely person, i know that the most cry-making thing you can realize when you feel alone is that another person is, in fact, there with you

martin went for a walk and now it's thunderstorming. i wonder if he came back as soon as it started raining and now he's standing nearby invisibly as jon reads the intimidating magnus statement. ...I GUESS NOT

i plan to read through the transcripts of all the episodes (as it’s faster than re-listening, though i might selectively re-listen) so that i may better understand some things and answer some questions in this post that i didn’t ultimately resolve. i can’t say i was paying 101% attention all the way through. also april is very far away

#the magnus archives

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therealstaples · 6 years

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15 questions, 15 mutuals

((but as IF, amiright lol))

Tagged by @codeinehangover about 8 or so years ago SORRY LOLOL

1. Are you named after anyone?

My... great aunt? I think? But it’s definitely a family name, from my mother’s side, I believe.

Also, my initials used to be KEY which is cute, I guess? My parents pulled that from my dad’s sister. Names with Christian roots are super limited tho I guess, bc our names both came from the same roots. I’m Kathryn Elise, my aunt is Karen Elizabeth. Like... guys... Sahara Desert... chai tea... Midoriyama mountain... you feel?

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh lol had a touch of panic this morning, made me tear up a lil. Before that, it was last night bc everything hurts and fibro is fucking stupid.

3. Do you have kids?

Lmao no

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I literally do not even know. My instinct is “yes, obviously” but I think I may be too earnest to use sarcasm too terribly often. Who fuckin knows not me

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Whatever’s most prominent about them, whatever image they’re asserting. Like, y’know, if a dude is wearing light wash jeans, a confederate flag belt buckle, and super clean construction boots, I know just about all I’ll ever need to know. It’s a vivid and familiar image lol

Also eyes. Lots of info there. Lots.

6. What’s your eye color?

Hazel I guess

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

Neither? I don’t much like formulaic stuff like that. Like--A Quiet Place: definitively a horror film, but a lot about it is rly heartwarming. Love shit like that. Stuff that’s not actually about it’s premise, but something else that may be subtextual.

8. Any special talents?

Is that a thing people actually have? Like do people walk around with this in their back pocket to--what, pull it out at parties? I’ve never understood this concept lol.

9. Where were you born?

Alabama, USA... Heart of Dixie or whatever... Roll... Roll Toad.

10. What are your hobbies?

Uhh. I’ve been playing so much Assassin’s Creed over the past couple of months. I literally don’t even know what else I like anymore.

11. Do you have any pets?

Yup. Not nearly as many as I had in the past. It’s just our two black labs now. Abbey and Angel, bc leave it to my mom to get her Christianity all over everything lol. Glad she did it, tho. She didn’t go to church while she was married to Dickhead #2, so she probably needed that connection. All four of us are much happier now it’s just us ladies :)

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I tried a ton of different things right up until high school. Really just bc I was made to, but y’know. I played soccer, then softball, then basketball, dabbled in tennis for 0.2 seconds, then finally, golf for a good bit. I was pretty decent at it too, somehow lol. Thought about joining my high school’s team for the PE credit, but fuck that noise, amiright? I think that’s everything...

13. How tall are you?

5′6″. Lost an inch since high school lol. One more and I’ll be happy

14. Favorite subject in school?

Varied year to year, usually based on who my favorite teacher was. Freshman year was history, sophomore year was science (human anatomy and physiology!! YE), junior year is fully wiped from my memory, and senior year was like... civics? Economics and government. (It helped that I was Awakening around then)

15. Dream job?

Ya bitch wants to be an author, dude. But honestly, anything where people would pay me to talk endlessly about whatever bullshit would be super cool for me lol.

#not actually tagging anyone bc this would never get posted if i had to wrangle with that tbh #but i always want to know thing about my mutuals <3 #SRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BECK and god know how many more of these i'm sitting on jfc #legit i was mostly hung up on the hobbies question bc wtf does that eveN MEAN Y'KNOW??#personal #tagged #ilysm beck i hope you're doin fuckin dandy babey

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piglii · 6 years

Text

I was tagged by: @pyropes

Gender: lad

Star Sign: Aries

Height: 6′4

Time: 9:30

Favorite Bands: Son Lux, ELO, Tally Hall

Favorite Solo Artist: Neil Cicierega

Song Stuck In My Head: The Mind Electric has been playing on loop inside my monkey ass brain for the past week

Last Movie I Watched: Gladiator, but only because nothing else was on and I didn’t have any internet

Last TV Show I Watched: uhh I think Westworld though I’m not caught up on it yet.

When Did I Create My Blog: May of 2012 because I thought it was a neat site and because I was just getting into Homestuck at the time and wanted a place to see HS content.

What Do I Primarily Post On My Blog: if you can tell me, let me know

Last Thing I Googled: “Masahiro Sakurai” to check if Google really does bring up the wrong image of him on the sidebar. it does.

Do You Have Any Other Blogs: @ver-aero @torbjornn @jojosunusualescapade @kevinsmith-hugejorts

Do I Get Asks: I used to get a TON on a daily basis back in the day but I think I get maybe one or two a month now on average, mostly mutuals.

Why Did I Choose My URL: oh I just wanted to have something that sounded distinct. I like pigs and I like the way it sounds vaguely latin. I originally went with “piggly” for all of like 6 hours before checking the tag to find out that people tagged weird fetish shit with that word so I changed it to piglii. I’ve had this url for literally like almost 6 years now since then.

Following: 194

Followers: 6704

Favorite Colors: Teal

How Many Hours I Sleep Daily: usually 6 on weekdays, 10 on the weekend

What Am I Wearing: just boxers and a shirt because it’s comfortable baybee

Dream Job: getting paid to be an Internet Funnyman would be cool, I guess

Favorite Food: probably spaghetti despite literally always making way more than I can actually eat every single time

Nationality: American

#my posts #me #I would say if any of my mutuals want to do this feel free but I'm not going to tag anyone specifically

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virtual-crisis · 6 years

Text

⭐Alpha Centauri⭐, Part Five

Or, more correctly: Alpha Centauri Part 420

God help me if it gets that long

….Literally

Previous Part

Next part

My Patreon

Mom sat me down alongside Chialer after breakfast, with a case on the table between us. The material was… Indescribable, after being on Earth since turning eighteen. Its origin was definitely Hell, though.

“Sooooooo, what’s that?” I asked. Mom chuckled, putting up a finger. In her human guise, she was a lot more like me than Polaris or Nebula: bearing freckles, blue eyes with lovely little glints in them, and obviously, a Hispanic complexion.

“It’s a gift from your dad, sweetheart. A regular-use sedative that won’t put you to sleep, but spiritually speaking, it’s like applying medicine to wounds you didn’t even think to call such.”

Chialer and I nodded along—though looking at her, she was just as clueless as I’d expect. “Sooooo basically a shot of some kinda hippy drugs.” I quipped.

Mom chuckled, opening the box partially and looking inside. “Well, you’re not exactly wrong. In fact, he got the idea for these from certain ‘clients’—” by which she meant sinners that died and went to Hell— “some of which were… Well, ‘hippies’, as it were.”

She turned the box around. Chialer’s eyes widened, and she laughed for a moment. “Oh my Beast—your dad wants you to be a stoner!”

I snorted, putting a hand to my mouth and looking at her. “Chai, what?”

Mom balled a fist in front of her mouth to stop herself from giggling in an unladylike way. “...Yes, yes, Chialer’s right, it’s marijuana. He told me a bit about it to clarify details for me, and I think it could be a good thing to start you on, like he suggested…”

I blinked, glancing around in confusion. “I… Don’t get what that is…”

Both gave me a surprised look. Chialer I could deal with, but mom’s made me feel stupid.

“It’s an herb that humans took to rolling up, lighting on fire, and—”

“I know what smoking is, mom.”

She cleared her throat. Chialer giggled, but mom’s look at her quickly stopped that. “It’s a plant people smoke. Lots of supposedly hallucinogenic effects from what I’ve heard, dulls the senses, skews perception of time… But the main consensus is that it’s a heavy sedative. Doesn’t put you to sleep, but it ‘chills you out’ pretty hard. I would know, I’ve seen your father test it.”

I grinned. “Shhhhhh—” my grin quickly went to a frown, “—oot, I can only imagine.”

Mom rolled her eyes. “Sweetie, it’s been eight years since you were just coming of age. I don’t mind you saying ‘shit’—home, you’re a demon, not a human. If you were going prudish on me, then I’d be concerned.”

I cleared my throat, this time. Chialer was covering her mouth, and I really wanted to punch her just on principle of what she was trying not to do. “...Right, mom. So I’m guessing I just… Light up now and then?”

“If you want to. It’s your body, after all,” mom said, “I won’t blame you if you don’t, there are still potential side effects.”

I snorted, shaking my head. “Mom, jeez, you were just telling me to not bother with chastity. Abstinence would be like stabbing Chialer and Nebb in the eyes.”

“Oh, and she’s got enough arms to do that at once,” Chai quipped, grabbing one of my wrists and shaking it lightly.

Mom chuckled. “Alright you two, I get it. Now what’s your plan for the rest of the year?”

We both blinked, glancing at eachother. “Uhh…… Me no do plan,” I said.

“I just, like, follow my whims. And stomach,” Chialer added, shrugging.

Mom sighed. “Well how about this—when I was your age, I took on the Miss USA pageantry to make my image an idol for humans to worship…”

Chai raised her brows. “Oooh…”

She nodded. “But that required a human guise. A piddly achievement for one like me. However, sports teams in universities like this theme their whole schools around their mascots….”

I clapped my hands together. “Oh my gosh yes! I HATE that ‘terriers’ bullshit they’ve got! Like there’re enough dog breeds to go around already with—”

Chai put a hand to my chest, and the other to my mouth. “Yo. Calm yourself.”

I tried to move to push her off me, but— “She has a point, Centauri. I brought this gift from your father here specifically to help with that.”

I rolled my eyes, sighing. “Fine. Still, can’t stand all these dog mascots. What we need is a moth mascot.”

Chialer scoffed. “Yeah, and leave out skunks? Most stupid humans think moths are ‘ugly’—skunks are something they’ll take to easier.”

I stuck up my nose. “And skunks like someone in this room—” I said snootily, referring to Chialer, “—carry an infamous stench.”

Mom discreetly pulled out a cellphone while we bickered. While Nebb and I remained somewhat close to arthropods in our ‘true’ forms, Chialer’s uranium atronach form was only any similar in silhouette to her other inhuman form: a skunk, with a soft glow of uranium under its fur. Of course, she still preferred her true form for obvious reasons, though dreaded how she always had to cover it up for others’ safety. Comes with being an envy demon, I guess.

“Girls, girls, settle down,” Mom said. “Neither of your species is represented as an American sports mascot.”

Our eyes both went wide, and we looked at her. “What?!” we yipped in unison.

She smirked. “How about this: you compete to get Boston University’s mascot changed to your species. I’ll have a prize in it for whichever of you wins…”

I grinned, bouncing on my seat. “What kind? What kind?”

Chai clapped. “Yeah, what kinda prize?”

Mom chuckled. “I’ll figure that out along the way,” she said, before pointing at Chai. “And you have until Centauri graduates, since she’s a year ahead of you.”

Chai nodded quickly. “Yup! Gotcha.”

I snickered. “Even if you still have a year here after me, they won’t be changing the mascot twice in two years.”

She nodded, smirking at me with a look of determination in her eyes. “Won’t matter since it’ll be a skunk by then.”

We both giggled mischievously.

A while later, Chai and I took our first crack at smoking the stuff. Chai muttered that it made her feel weird, but it made me feel.... So GOOD.... I felt so relaxed, so... fulfilled.... Like everything was fine and nothing bad could happen. My stress and agitation melted away like ice on a stovetop.

Of course, this was when Polaris popped in, having just finished lunch with mom. She furrowed her brow, covering her face with a hand. "Oh god, you two, inside? Really?" she sputtered disgruntledly.

I shrugged, stretching my arms for a moment. "Our dorm, our prefs, sis...~" I chimed, a lax slur to my speech. "Y'not gonna join in?"

Chai waved a hand, having her face resting on the other to hide at least one of her bloodshot eyes. "Guh, don't bother, it's real... Off, can't put my finger on it."

"You know how apids are about smoke, Cen..." Polly grumbled.

I shrugged. "Well then maybe I wanna be left alone~"

Polaris rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fine. You have... 'fun' with that," she muttered, before heading back out. I giggled, though Chai hefted herself to her feet to follow.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go get some fresh air—don't go getting attacked by another angelsh while I'm out there...." she murmured, rubbing her head as she went out of sight.

I shrugged. Lucifer told me the other day that I was attacked because I was 'away' from potential witnesses. Now I was floating in a hot tub connected to a damn lake of them. Surely no angel would have the balls—not least since many of them embodied chastity.

...Chastity. Titty. Heheh.

I found myself chuckling to myself, half asleep as I laid across the couch. After a minute I blinked, looking over myself. I faffed around a bit with the toes on my human form's feet, frowning. Tiny, practically unneeded. Why did I have them? I didn't want them.

I rolled myself off the couch, flopping face-down on the floor before getting up. It took me a minute to scrounge for a sticky note, very poorly write 'C, I'm fine, just want alone time, C' on it, attach that to the outside of the dorm's door, then close and lock it.

Before anything else registered with me, I was in the bathroom, once again in my 'moth' form. I stared half-lidded at myself: A pretty white and vibrant-pink cheerleader uniform on my body, with my wings unusually all black. This latter bit wasn't alarming to me, necessarily—all the eyes were just closed, dormant. I considered what I'd look like with the opposite coloration: white with black spots, like an actual leopard moth. Too much white. Too much. I shook my head.

Once that motion had finished, my new TV-like head had taken place of the insectoid one. In the mirror, it seemed to swirl with eerie, dull colors. The patterns spread around it slightly, and I felt a bit unsteady on my feet. But it was so... Entrancing to look at. I was lost in thought for a bit.

Thinking about me as a mascot. The suit would be so fluffy... I wanted to wear it myself, now. Yet no doubt I myself would be fluffier. I didn't care. It'd be so comfy... And nobody would flip out if I wore it in public. They'd praise me for it. I grinned. My monitor displayed a moth-eyed face with the exact dumb grin taking up most of it.

I kept thinking. Just what could this thing do? Right now, I was using it as glorified life support. Oh, I lost my old head, and this’s my new one. But there was a ton of shit I could do with the old, and this’s supposed to be a fuckload better!

I sneered at my reflection, jogging into the kitchen. The microwave sat nervously on its dust-collecting spot on the counter. Were it animate and emotive like me, it’d be sweating, quivering, possibly crying.

High on excitement and weed alike, I turned the microwave around with ease, wrenching out its power cord. A slight squeak of its electronic clock flicking off gave me an unusual satisfaction. Then I stuck a finger firmly in the appliance-side socket for the cord, sending a surge of electricity down my arm. With a loud spark and flash from inside, I suddenly felt a warmth fill the kitchen.

My eyes widened, and I looked around. The charge was stronger than I expected—rather than containing itself to my upper right arm, it coursed down my lower right arm as well, burning through the rubber insulation on the power cord and travelling back down into the wall. Along with the microwave popping open and surging with energy, the other appliances in the kitchen did as well. I heard the TV and consoles in the living room scream to life, and all the lights that’d previously been off had flashed on brighter than they’d ever been in my years of living there.

I dropped the power cord, putting my right hand firmly to my chest. Somehow... Somehow my heart rate was barely 60 BPM. Well, the equivalent. My true form doesn’t have conventional organs, but… Y’know. Live a few years in another species’ flesh…

I quickly ran to the fridge. When I opened it, a rush of cold air flew out at me as it sucked in the outside heat. I pulled a pack of hotdogs out of a drawer, brushing a light frost off of it and dumping them on a plate.

I pressed the buttons on the microwave. Nothing. I mashed on them harder, still nothing. Oh right, I didn’t plug it back in. Facepalm. In goes the plug, in goes the plate, in goes the put of numbers, forty-five seconds, start. I stared as the plate started to rotate.

I suddenly heard a scream from downstairs. It was a full three seconds before I blinked out of my trance, looking around. Wasn’t me, what was it? ‘Cause it wasn’t me, whatever it was.

Except, indirectly, it was.

It took a few moments for me to smell the smoke. My antennae twitched, and a hand reflexively went to each. In a moment, they disintegrated, as well as my two free arms and wings. By the time I ran to and unlocked my door, I was back in human form, ready to pretend I was panicking as I ran out of the dorm.

“What the fuck’s going on?” I said to a fellow cheerleader as we passed through the dorm lobby.

“That jackass Kent microwaved a fork again, and set half the dorm on fire!”

“Seriously? I told him to stop that shit!”

“Why didn’t the smoke alarm go off?!”

I winced at the sounds of several voices shouting over eachother. I barely noticed someone tug my shirt slightly.

“Yooooo, what happened to your shirt?”

I instinctively pulled away from the guy that grabbed at my top. Knew I was forgetting something. There was a hole on each side, a couple inches below each sleeve and exposing my bra underneath. Not like my second pair of arms could fit with the first in the sleeves. Fast thinking isn’t my forte, damnit.

“Uh, I was like, playing around with an idea for a halloween costume.”

“What the fuck, Ally? That top’s school prop!” one of the other girls said. I groaned.

“I know, I know, I’ll pay for it, jeez…”

While talk returned to the fire and the dumbass that caused it, I sidled back inside the dorm building. The lights were all on, even the lamp that’d been retired to a back corner since every bulb put in it would flicker. The smoke detectors’ lights were out. Apparently those couldn’t handle the power surge I caused, and dickwad Kent had to be somehow lazier than me about microwave safety.

Gotta make a note to ‘harvest’ him later…

Uh… That’s not what it sounds like.

Oh right, the h’dogs. I ran upstairs. The ‘dogs... Had all burst, with cheese splattered around the microwave itself. Whatever wasn’t splayed open was mostly blackened with char from its own juices. Maybe Kent was even less to blame than I thought... Maybe Lucifer’s favor was just as frighteningly powerful as it was cracked up to be.

#Alpha Centauri

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adotblog · 7 years

Text

Brave New World-Chapter 1-Baptism of fire.

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, discussion of a crappy relationship.

Notes: Alright, here it is-the follow-up to the Brave series. I’m basically going for a Sliding Doors kinda thing here-the same characters from Brave meet in the same way but take different actions and we see how their relationship would’ve progressed on this different path. I’m thinking it’ll be 5/6 parts and I’ll aim to publish every Friday. Since they’re the same characters, there will be callbacks to Brave-similar phrases used, backstory elaboration, that kind of thing. You know I crave feedback so please let me know what you think-use anonymous ask if you’re shy :)

There’s a sort of West Wing reference (when isn’t there?)

Words: 3005. I’ll never change.

It’s your second week at the theatre and you’ve already settled in pretty well. Most of your working hours are spent with your colleague Clare who is chatty and loves to sing and boogie her way through prep, which was a welcome surprise. Everyone you’ve met so far has been sweet and the work is varied. Overall quite the good start. You’ve yet to meet Lin-Manuel Miranda, the composer and lead actor, as he’s been on vacation. But Jonathan (another new friend) says he’s funny and lovely. Today you’ve brought in a ton of doughnuts for everyone-two-show days are long and you figure people might need a pick-me-up.

You’re surrounded by stage crew as soon as you come through the door and they immediately take one box off your hands. You head through to the common area with the others and go to place them on the table. You see that there are a couple of people in the office and since the door is open, you decide to take the plunge and go in with the final box.

As you near the door you see that Jonathan is one of the people in there and he beckons you to come straight in. Chris is also there-you’ve met him once already-and as you go through the door you realise the other person is Lin-Manuel Miranda. You nearly freeze on the spot as he flashes you a big smile.

You’re dimly aware that Jon is introducing you and saying something complimentary. There’s a hand stuck out in front of you and you juggle doughnuts in order to shake it. “Please, just call me Lin”. Lin. Ok. Well, Lin is an absolute dream.

He has long dark hair, pulled back in a scruffy bun. His skin is a rich olive and so smooth-looking that it really makes you want to stroke some part of him. Uhoh. His smile is broad and beaming, his voice warm and so New York it almost hurts. Oh boy, new crush. Absolutely no escaping this one. Shit.

You pull yourself away from your reverie and start offering out doughnuts as the guys continue their conversation. “And so I was thinking of changing that line up and putting in another Shakespeare quote”, says Lin. Chris plays eenie meanie minie mo to choose a flavour as Lin elaborates “so Eliza will refer to New York as a ‘Brave New World’”.

“Oh, I wouldn’t”, you say before your brain connects to your mouth. Jonathan freezes, hand hovering over a doughnut. He catches your eye and manages to convey with a single look “What are you doing correcting the boss the very first time you meet him?!”. You panic. This is not a good career move. “Why wouldn’t you?”, prompts Lin, an amused smile on his lips.

You look briefly to Jon for help but he just makes a “go ahead” gesture. Fuck it. You turn to face Lin and try to keep your voice even as you say “Well, Shakespeare was poking fun-Miranda refers to the place as a ‘brave new world’ because she’s seen some hot dude. Brave means ‘handsome’ and the subtext is that it’s handsome but lacking any character or depth. So you’d be suggesting that New York hasn’t got anything under the pretty. Also, Miranda was sappy and pathetic-Eliza’s too badass for her words.”. You finish by extending the box of doughnuts in Lin’s direction, as if they’ll protect you from any backlash.

Lin reaches out and takes one “Alright then, no brave new world!”, he says with a smile. Oh thank god, he’s not mad. You smile back and begin to retreat out of the room, saying you’ll leave the box by the coffee maker. “Hey Y/N?”, Lin calls after you. You stick your head back around the door and he says “Don’t write off all Mirandas, Ok?” and winks at you.

*****************************************

Over the next week or so, you get to know Lin and the rest of the cast and crew a little better. Whenever Jonathan is around he introduces you to new people and tells you what everyone’s role is, which really helps you feel more at home. Jonathan is hilarious and warm, you clicked right away and he’s a lot of fun to hang out with. The only downside is that he has an adjoining dressing room to Lin’s, so you’ve also seen a lot of him. That means your inappropriate-attraction-to-the-boss situation has not got any better. It doesn’t help that Lin is charming, sweet, honest and welcoming. You’ve a burgeoning crush and it makes you nervous as hell.

It’s the break between shows and you are alone in the wings getting everything back in place for the evening. You’re blasting some tunes from your Spotify when a head pops around the scenery-a beautiful head. It’s Jasmine, a principal cast member you’ve spoken to a couple of times. “I was just wondering where the music was coming from!”, she says with a grin. “Oh, sorry-do you want me to turn it down?”, you ask nervously. “Hell no! I came to dance!”, she answers as she comes into the wings. You laugh and the track changes to Superstition by Stevie Wonder, causing Jasmine to holler “I looooove this song!”. She grabs your hands and spins you round and round, insisting that you dance with her.

Jasmine’s enthusiasm is infectious and you’re giggling as you both slip out onto the stage, dancing all the while. When the song ends, shuffle picks out something soft and instrumental, eliciting a boo from Jasmine. She stands, hands on hips. “This is not dancing music”, she disparages. “Pssh, you’ve no imagination!”, says a voice from the wings. Lin’s voice.

Jasmine rolls her eyes as Lin steps out onto the stage. He heads straight over to you, takes your right hand in his, puts your left hand on his shoulder and grabs your waist. He leads you in some kind of haphazard salsa all over the stage. It’s totally unsuited to the music and you’re laughing uncontrollably while Lin keeps a mock-serious face. Jasmine declares you both crazy and heads back to her dressing room. Lin continues to spin you around the stage until the song ends. When the music shuffles to a Biffy Clyro song he holds up his hands in defeat. “I’m out!”, he laughs. He pulls you to the front of the stage to take a bow and then drops your hand to take his leave. “Welcome to the company”, he says with a smile as he heads away.

*****************************************

Three weeks in and you’ve essentially committed yourself as chief two-show day snack-bringer. You’ve met everyone now and are thrilled to be working with such a lovely group. You place a box of cookies in the green room and take a handful upstairs to the dressing rooms. You drop a few off with Oak and Anthony and then knock on Lin’s dressing room door.

“Come in!”, he yells. He’s only half-dressed when you walk in. Breeches are on but he’s naked from the waist up. Oh god. He looks good. He really looks good. “Oh sorry, I thought you were costumes!”, he apologises “I have a shirt emergency” he holds up a torn shirt sleeve as evidence. You drag your gaze from his torso, his smooth, kissable torso, to his face. “No problem.”, you say. This is a lie. This is *entirely* problematic. You won’t be able to shake this image for days. He pulls on his torn shirt and asks what you need.

Oh yeah, there was an actual reason you came here. “Cookies…I brought cookies”, you say. “Thanks!”, he says, taking one and moaning as he bites into it. This is really not helping. “Ok I gotta go!”, you say abruptly. “Uhh, more deliveries!”. You wave the cookies as you make a quick exit.

You pause with your back to his door for a second or so to recover your senses. There is no denying now that you have a full-scale, ridiculously school-girl crush on Lin. This is a recipe for disaster.

You knock on Jasmine’s dressing room door and enter. You’ve been spending most of your breaks with her, becoming fast friends incredibly easily. You toss her a cookie and squish into the chair in the corner of the room. “I just added you to the WhatsApp group”, she says as she throws her phone in her bag. “Group?”, you ask. “Yeah a bunch of us go out or have dinner semi-regularly so we have a group chat, and since you’re my new bestie you’re automatically required to come with me.”, she says matter-of-factedly. “I’m your new bestie?”, you ask with a hand clutched to your heart-you’re only partly joking, you’re quite touched. “Duh!”, she says and adds a wink. “It’s the snacks, isn’t it?”, you joke. “Aww man, you’ll never know…”, she answers and you both dissolve into giggles.

*****************************************

Chris: Ray’s bar, 8. Who’s in?

Lin: I’m there.

Jasmine: Me and Y/N are in.

Jonathan: Of course.

Lin: Woah, Newbie’s first #Hamilouting

Jonathan: Lin that’s a terrible hashtag.

Y/N: Uhh, Apparently I’m in…

Lin: We’ll ease you in gently, don’t worry.

Chris: Naw, baptism of fire, I say!

Y/N: Oh shit.

*****************************************

Nothing fancy, Jasmine said. Jeans and a nice top, she said. Nothing you have is any good. Staring at your wardrobe, you may as well be looking at racks of cloth sacks-nothing is jumping out at you. In desperation you text Jasmine.

HELP. I have nothing to wear. I know people always say that but it’s actually true.

Jasmine: Just a nice top will do, honey.

NOTHING, Jas.

Jasmine: You wanna come over? You can borrow something?

Please. Now?

Jasmine: see you in a bit.

Jasmine’s place is a subway ride away from yours, so you grab your makeup and put on your best jeans and head straight out. When you arrive, Jasmine instantly approves of your jeans and shoes. She has laid out a few tops for you to try on, and perches on the bed while you turn this way and that in front of the mirror. Ten minutes later, she’s bored. “The purple one was fine, Y/N”, she says. You make a dissatisfied noise. “It was! Why are you so bent out of shape about tonight, anyway?”, she asks. “I just want to make a good impression”, you say. “Mmhmm”, she sounds skeptical but doesn’t push it further.

When you arrive, Lin and Chris wave you over to a booth they’ve saved. “You’re both looking lovely”, Lin says. “She always looks amazing”, you say as you sit down next to him and Jas goes to the bar with Chris. Lin gives you a look. “What?”, you ask. “Just, that’s a funny way of taking a compliment.”, he jokes. “Oh, yeah no I don’t do that well”, you admit. “And why’s that?”, he asks outright. “Well Dr,”, you tease “low self-esteem, shitty ex destroying my confidence-you know the drill”. Lin nods slowly. “Well, we gotta do something about that.”, he says. “What do you mean?”. “Well I’ll just have to keep giving you compliments until you believe them”, he shrugs. Well, you don’t quite know what to do with that.

Thankfully Jonathan turns up at that moment and wraps you both in hugs, complaining about the weather and enthusing about the cocktails. On cue, Jasmine and Chris return from the bar with a tray of drinks. Whiskey for Chris and Lin, Cosmo for Jasmine. “And I got you two an Old Fashioned each”, she says. “I love you”, you and Jon say in unison and then collapse into each other in a fit of giggles. “Oh boy, they’re off!”, calls Chris.

*****************************************

Four Old Fashioneds in and you’re a teeny bit tipsy and having a whale of a time. You’ve danced with Jasmine until your feet are too sore and now you’re nestled safely in your booth between Lin and Jon, shoes off and feet tucked under you. “I’m so ladylike”, you groan, indicating your crossed legs. “Look at Jazzy, all class and grace-how d’ya get like that?”, you question. Lin does a double take “I’m wearing sneakers and a hoodie, don’t ask me!”, he says. You both turn to Jon. “Darling, you either have it or you don’t.”, he says dramatically. You and Lin roll your eyes at each other as Jon laughs at his own joke. He downs the rest of his drink and after checking his watch, announces that he’s got to go. He tracks down Jasmine and Chris and hugs them goodbye before running out to hail a cab. Jasmine tried to drag you up for another couple of dances but you protest about your feet. Chris has reached his limit too and she’s just about to work on Lin when she gets a text message from Anthony. He wants her to join him and his friends at a club a few blocks away. Chris offers to walk her their on his way home. You and Lin both jokingly boo them for skipping out before midnight, but it’s all kisses and hugs as you part.

And then it’s just the two of you squished into the booth. You settle back with your legs crossed again, facing Lin and sipping another Old Fashioned. “So the shitty ex”, he begins. “Ugh, yes?”, you reply. “How long ago was he?”, Lin asks. “Couple of years ago, he moved away when we broke up-he never liked New York and resented me for moving here”, you say. “Well, another reason to hate him”, says Lin. You nod. “He just. I always felt like he was ashamed of me, you know? He would go out with his friends but never take me, he just used to put me down all the time and our sex-life was just fucking DEAD”, you exclaim. “Oh god. Why did I tell you that?”, you say, rubbing your temple. Lin laughs to try and break the tension “Because you’re on your fifth Old Fashioned?”, he suggests.

You shake your head. “I’m not drunk. Merry, maybe.”, you admit. “I’ve not told anyone any of that before. I mean, with everything else I’m a pretty open book but not…this”. Lin takes a drink, and then takes your hand. “I’m glad you told me.”, he says. “He sounds like an idiot, though”. “I thought I loved him. I did, once. I don’t know if he ever loved me though. That bugs me, makes me doubt my instincts.”, you admit. Why are you telling him all this?! He’s just so inviting-those warm eyes, the way he makes you feel like he’s really listening. The odds are really stacking against you ever being able to resist this ill-fated crush.

“Don’t doubt yourself. You strike me as pretty bright, pretty observant…just generally pretty too”, he says with a grin to lighten the mood. You give him a light punch on the arm, unsure whether he was serious and clueless as to how you should react.

“Now, how we gonna get you home?”, he asks, looking at your feet. “Barefoot, baby!”, you laugh. “Umm, no. No, no. Your feet’ll be in shreds. We gotta get a cab to your apartment.”, he insists. “Is it on your way?”, you ask when you’ve told him your address. “Sure”.

You spend the cab ride talking about the last movie you both saw, and the time passes very quickly. When you reach your building, you’re so busy wincing at your shoes as you get out that you don’t notice Lin has also got out and has paid for the cab. “Lin is this really on your way home?”, you ask as he offers you his arm. “Good lord, no!”, he laughs. “Lin!”, you protest. “I promised Jas I’d get you home safe-I’m under strict instructions to walk you to your door”, he says.

You wonder for a second if Jas has caught on to your crush on Lin, and this is a set up on her part. But then you’re at your door and there’s no time left to wonder about that. Lin stands awkwardly as you search for your keys. “Do you want to come in for some coffee?”, you ask as you pull the keys out of your bag. Even though you know you can’t sleep with the boss, a little rebel part of your brain hopes he’ll come in and is daydreaming about how that would go. “I can’t, but thanks.”, Lin says. “How was your first Hamilouting?”, he asks with a grin. “So much fun”, you smile. “And hey, sorry if I unloaded on you back there-I’m kinda sober now and regretting revealing all my insecurities…”, you say, trying to laugh it off. Lin moves closer, standing right in front of you now. “Not at all.”, he says. “I just wish that no one had ever made you feel anything less than strong and beautiful”. He reaches out and moves your hair behind your ear as you feel your own breath hitch.

In the next few seconds, your mind races: is he making a move? Isn’t he technically your boss? This can’t be a good idea.

Then he strokes his thumb across your cheek bone and brings his lips to yours and oh but it’s the best fucking idea. You lift your hand to his neck and close any remaining distance between you by pressing your body up against his.

The kiss is pretty much perfect-gentle but firm, sweet but insistent. It makes you want to pull him through your door and keep kissing him until your lips are bruised.

But soon he stops. He is looking for a sign from you that this is ok. You reach up to give him a peck on the cheek and softly say “Goodnight, Lin.”. “Goodnight, Y/N”, he says, and you smile before turning to open your door. “I’ll see you tomorrow “, he calls as he heads for the stairs, flashing you a smile as he goes.

“Tomorrow”.

#lmm x reader #lin manuel x reader #lin manuel imagine #lin x reader #rpf #hamilton rpf #hamilcast x reader #hamilcast imagine

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