#uhg mental illness is mental illnessing i think

[katyobsesses]

I know I woke up from a vivid dream, I remember thinking about how realistic it was, but now I can't remember the dream itself

[findafight]

For that ask game: 8, 10, 24

Also, something I hate in fics is how some have everyone talk in therapy speak. Like have you seen these kids? The closest any of them have come to therapy is maybe Will after S1 with the lab saying it was to talk about how he was feeling, but it was more to understand the effects of the Upside Down. These kids do not have a detailed understanding of mental illnesses, symptoms, or coping strategies. (And even worse, it's everyone but Steve talking in therapy speak because he's written as too dumb to understand anything?)

Choose violence asks

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

oooh I've see more than I thought I would robin not being touchy. it's often accompanied by Eddie being touchy, which is probably true. While I think she's picky and possibly gets overwhelmed, I really do think she's so clingy with Steve. She doesn't like people she barely knows touching her but Steve's her pal! her rotten soldier! her sweetest of cheeses! She is going to be all over him she's gonna tuck her arm through his, she's going to fall asleep on him! sometimes yes I think she would be cuddling and go "ah. no more for me too much thank you" because sometimes you just need to not be touched but it's not all the time. I love steve and robin being sillies hanging off each other :)

10. worst part of fanon

ohhh uhg. idk. not a fan of when folks make pre s1 steve some mega bully? like he and tommy and carol just didn't register people outside their bubble existed. Robin says this! He wasn't shoving people into lockers or calling them slurs, he was just abivalent and ignored them or laughed if he heard they did something embarrassing. They picked on jon because of the pictures, the graffitti was stupid and hurtful, and steve said everything he did likely because he knew it was horrible to say and wanted a fight. He wanted to rile Nancy and Jon up! He was wrong and he knew it, he tried to fix it and then apologized. Doesn't make it okay but also doesn't mean he went around doing that kind of thing every week? Idk people try to make him cliche 80's hs bully when he was just some popular guy who didn't know the names of a lot of his class mates

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

uhhhhhh blr. while i like the ship, some folks are like. waaaay too invested in it being canon, the most epic love story on tv, created from the start by brilliant writers who planned it from the beginning ,to the point of trying to gatekeep the ship because they think if you don't think it's canon/canon the same way they do you aren't fully acknowledging the depth of the characters and don't actually like the ship. my gosh. tj-lc behaviour. calm down. take a sip of water. watch a different show.

[mintytealfox]

Oooo food headcanons lets go owo. Not Nortalice, just nortnort stuff

BUT-!

I imagine Norton probably heavily savors food. Especially super good food. Yeah, yeah in Ashes of Memory 2 he is scarfing down bread like its his last meal, which i mean given how he grew up, that may be a mindset he sort of has carried his entire life. But I imagine like maybe 80 to 90% of the time, Norton savors food.

And not in the "I must savor the delicate flavors of this refine meal" more like "holy fuck this may be my last PROPER, FILLING, meal in ages, I'm treating every bite like it was handcrafted by the gods themselves." So he takes slow, maybe small bites (if you seen Tim Burton's Charlie and Chocolate Factory, think the chocolate bar scene with Charlies and his family but replace it with Norton maybe eating anything that isn't bread and boiled roots and weeds he could find). Just savoring ever morsel he eats until his plate is fully cleaned.

That said of course, on the subject of food still, I can lowkey actually imagine, if Norton had the time and energy, he hunted and maybe gathered things to eat. One of Norton's skill is literally called "Outdoor Skills" i.e probably link to scavenging and survival skills, the man knows how to do things. Downside is, he may just not have had a lot of time and or energy to do them since he was working to the crack of down to maybe the brink of midnight to support himself. But I like to imagine, if Norton did get the chance to hunt or gather, he could probably whip up a lot of good stuff. Like rabbit stews with wild herbs and veggies. Fried, crunchy wild greens with wild berries and quill eggs. Stuff that seems fancy but a miner trying his best to survive made them. Although knowing Norton's luck as well, the stuff he hunted or gathered may have either A.) Gotten stolen from him by his fellow miners or B.) Destroyed because god forbid Norton try to spoil himself with what skills and what little he has.

Oh yes Oh yes Oh yes!!

I totally AGREE! I bet he also savors when he knows he is completely alone and can take his time without worry of anyone interrupting or something suddenly happening and needing to act fast (like stopping for a second to eat some lunch while in the caves only for a cave-in to start threatening to happen and him just scrambling to grab everything he can and run)

YES YES YES THE OUTDOOR SKILLS!!! He totally knows what is edible out there and had to learn fast as well ;;

and gosh I wonder if he was ever given hospital food as well when he was helping with Benny. I was chatting on Twitter and I was reminded of Christmas Oranges and how special those were back then and wondering if the nurses were able to get their hands on a few to give to their patients and hopefully Norton as well ;; He needs something special even if it wasn't every year ;;

And the Outdoor skills reminds me of the offical art of Norton in the wild and watching a deer! gosh I need to find it Ah here it is:

surrounded by berries ;;

Gosh Norton is capable of so many things except when it comes to protecting himself from his bullies orz Until he snapped orz gosh and I 100% believe he developed something like Bipolar as a result to just absolutely everything that he has been though so throwing mental illness (in a world/time that mental illness 'isnt a thing' and got thrown in a looney bin uhg orz) on top of everything gosh, I feel for him so hard ;;

GOSH all of this is 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 and gets the brain thinking!!

[ghostcrows]

Uhg this is maybe gonna sound patronizing but sometimes people on here spend to much time making sociological theories and forget that evidence based practice >>>>> theories that tie things together and explain everything. Every time. Every time they trump it. So it’s like the current state of mental healthcare and disability accommodations being so bad leads to the theory of how pathology is a structural validation to stigmatization of neurodiversity esp things like schizophrenia. And that coupled with the hater mindset around how “popular” and “lol quirky” adhd and autism are being portrayed on social media (this sounds deeply unserious but it’s the best way I can put it) leads to people who are adhd and autistic which can be materially physically seen and is real dismissing themselves in favor of the theory. Like idk. People love to do lots of thinking and I am not at all trying to disparage it but even when you’re a radial anti establishment politically extreme leftist if you’re theorizing then you’re theorizing and venerable to the pitfalls of theories. Abhijit Banerjee, Esther Duflo, and Michael Kremer won a nobel prize semi recently for doing the most water-is-wet thing and conducting experiments and looking at the results to determine policy change instead of basing policy on theory. It really opened my eyes to read about. The theory is just a tool to talk about the world. The world comes first always. Adhd being a physical condition of the brain does not fit into certain theories and so proponents of the theory will consciously or not, willfully or not, brush aside certain things that do not fit into the worldview supported by the theory or would be complicated or made worse by implementing the policy proposed by the theory. But it’s all just smoke. Does this make any sense. I saw someone say bipolar wasnt harmful outside of the stigmatization because they prescribe to the theory and I was so shocked. Manic episodes can lead to the bipolar person becoming physically violent and thank god for medication. Bipolar can ruin a life because of the things you do while in a manic episode and it can end a life in a depressive episode it’s like. Circling back around to denial of mental illness.

definitely does make sense i agree with this, we can speculate all day long but at the end of the day people are struggling, and they would likely struggle regardless of society's response towards their conditions

it really does loop back around in the end and its just frustrating

i understand not wanting to be pathologized, i understand not trusting the psychs, i understand that the system is as broken as it ever was with maybe a shinier coat of paint over it now and slightly less medieval torture methods deployed...but regardless how you classify mental illness or how you rename it, its a fairly consistent set of symptoms and experiences

its like when people have this idea that mental illness will cease to exist in the utopian post-capitalist world the revolution will bring

but the way i really know people still dont get it even within these circles is the way they cant seem to agree on how much of mental illness is even in the control of the sufferer. like theres always a point at which its simply an excuse, because, well i suffer from this and i wouldnt do that...in the fight against the stigma we throw so many people under the bus and end up only advocating for the people who can speak for themselves in the first place, the 'high functioning' people (who subsequently are not really allowed to show symptoms either because, you're too functional, you're too cognizant of your own actions, you must be doing it on purpose too)

and the anti-med stance is another i cant really get behind even knowing that yeah...you can go through everything they got and never find one that works for you, you can get meds that fuck you all the way up, even when youre on them you might still struggle, you might hate the side effects more than the illness...i get all that and i recognize all that and people totally have the right not to take shit they dont want to...but also i know people who need their medication...big pharma or not doesnt fucking matter cause its obviously something that tangibly helps enough people that we cant just not have it. same with therapy its totally understandable to lose all faith in that avenue of help but there will always be people who need that kind of service even in its imperfect state

reminds me a lot of a book i read called 'no one cares about crazy people' , every few decades we have a new dominating theory of mental illness and the people who are labeled mentally ill continue to struggle through every iteration of it

[xqueerneurosisx]

Wtf y’all?? If we didn’t want to be inclusive of PHYSICAL symptoms overall, then we shouldn’t have used PUNK in the first place jfc.

“I know that uwu SOMETIMES-“ no, fuck you very much! There’s an overlap. There always has been. Overlap fucking means that we share symptoms even though the overall diagnosis is fucking different.

Yes, you’re allowed to talk about physical disability by itself, and you should have a space to do so, but it doesn’t fucking help any of us to talk about “Uhg the meentully eeeells” like they’re ALL able bodied, that’s just fucking asinine. Nobody’s fucking derailing you, when we share symptoms. Physical symptoms are not somehow magically different just because there’s a mental illness causing them. They are still physical symptoms. ffs. They still affect mobility and stuff like that!!

I’m not talking about taking over posts, or talking over us! I know people can still do those! I’m just saying tho: if you read a simple “i don’t have [physical disability], but I do have [this physical symptom you mentioned],” and think that’s an able body trying to ~take something away from~ your post, then you might want to examine why you think that. And remember not to fall in the fucking “all in your head,” hole with your apparent desperation to separate yourself from someone who has something in common with you that is mentally caused.

Because I’ll tell you one thing right the fuck now: “uwu remember you can be mentally ill AND able bodied,” is fucking patronizing as all hell. Literally nobody in good faith thinks they “have your personal physical disability~” get the fuck over yourselves.

It costs $0 dollars to just say: “Hey I’m talking about [physical disability here]. Please make your own post if you don’t have [physical disability].” Instead of this us vs. them BS!

Sincerely,

A physically disabled man with mental illness who’s tired of being condescended in my own fucking community while scrolling through our tags.

[digitalcockroach]

how do i stop assuming that everyone thinks im faking or lying about being chronically ill/disabled/mentally ill/autistic/etc it took me most of my life to convince myself im not faking it and more than half the time people really DO think im exaggerating or should have a job anyways and idk how to cope with that on top of literally dealing with the symptoms and limitations of my health issues and the consequences of them (no financial independence, feeling like shit, isolation, poverty, missing out on shit i care about, etc) and i just cant get over the feeling that i have to prove myself (bc i do, to the government and to drs and to assistance programs and and and uhg)

[lefthandedmarriage]

i hate how interested in tcc i am. more specifically columbine. it's weird. but then again i'm weird.

i think about the multipart iceberg i was watching yesterday. and how oddly similar dylan is to me, minus the weird racist shit, and feet kink thing. and probably a few other things i forgot about.

he's like me, weird, quiet. i'm not sure if i have apd, but perhaps it goes hand in hand with autism? not sure. maybe i should ask my doctor.. anyways. the person also read out the fact that dylan was awkward, and didn't really like talking to people unless he had someone with him, which is like me.

i think he'd be rolling in his nonexistent grave if he found out some mentally ill fagtranny related to him. since i know a lot of teens who related to the two (dylan and eric) often feel lost or something like that. which i mean.. i spent 4 years of my life cooped up in my room on the internet, talking to people i know i'd never meet because even if i did have the components of leaving the country, there's things to worry about, food, money, actually travelling, coming face to face with the person. it's just... uhg.

i didn't mean to ramble on rlly... uhhhm

[devilbunzz-moved]

Ow

[citree]

hi! I saw your "do something" comic earlier and it's kind of been eating at me since because I feel like I relate really strongly but was wondering if you could go into more detail about how you feel, what exactly you wanted to translate into the comic. I thought that I was the only person who felt like that, so it means a lot to find someone I can relate to

Oh @mel-sancto I’m so sorry for not answering you sooner, you deserve better than to be left hanging– though i kinda feel like me (guiltily) putting off answering your message is a pretty good way to highlight what that comic was about. 

I made the post while i was in the middle of dealing with a lot of heavy thoughts about what i want to Do In Life, depressing stuff like that. Thanks to my Psychology Friend and also a couple thousand people in the tags, i know that this feeling wanting to do something but also feeling physically incapable of doing it is called Executive Dysfunction, it’s an issue a lot of people deal with who have depression, anxiety and ADHD, among others… (though i’m sure it’s not always applicable to everyone, we all deal with things differently and i wouldn’t want to spread misinformation by saying ‘ah, yes, this is the perfect thing to apply to everyone with difficulty performing tasks!’).

I’m really not the best person to explain it, since i’m just an art student with a minor talent in Drawing Feeling n’ Stuff, but its something I’ve dealt with for years now, since my anxiety has gotten worse over the past few years. Things like… getting out of bed when its been hours, when i’m starving but just keep laying there, knowing i should do it but wont or can’t…  it’s like having to fight yourself for something you haven’t even done yet, even though you want to. 

you can find more resources online, (Here), and others, (here) and (here) thought he first one has a pretty sweet chart that highlights the behavior difficulties that some people with executive dysfunction. a lot of these jump out at me to the point where i should probably talk to a professional about it, and i’m probably overdue for a visit to a psychiatrist as we speak;; 

Here’s the chart, and if you’re interested, you can look up those links i posted; i completely recommend looking up more about this subject and speaking to someone who can give you a better understanding than i can, since I’m mostly just good for making relatable content TM. 

I wish you the best of luck, if i’m right or wrong or if you’re dealing with something else entirely. and I’m also sorry, again, for leaving you hanging for so long. Your ask has been sitting in my drafts for so long i keep coming back to it. Take care of yourself!! and thanks for sending this ask! XOXO

[songofsaraneth]

WELL. I finished Animorphs (again). And I cried. Like I do every time.

it’s just SO good. yeah, some of those middle ghostwritten books kind of suck. but god 53 & 54 are just so well done. My heart breaks for Rachel every time, and every time it hits a little different. She was always my favorite of the Animorphs--I was a child, preteen, teenage girl who had intense anger issues I could neither explain or admit. Of course I latched on to the character filled with the same gleeful rage. And of course she doesn’t see an out for herself, and neither do the other Animorphs, because she took the fighting and the war and she filled herself up with it. And the last three books make the reader painfully aware that that’s how the other Animorphs (with the exception, I think, of Tobias) see her as well--they paint her as “the one who’s crossed the invisible line” so they can say “but, well, I haven’t,” because they need to believe they can survive the war and move on. Even though not all of them even can by then. But just like Rachel needs the rest of the gang to be the “good guys” so she can be on the “good side”, they need her to be the one teetering on the edge. They need to say “Rachel is almost ready to fall” because if they’re standing behind her still, it means they haven’t jumped over the edge yet either.

But she would have been fine. She would have left the war and ached for it but she would have found other things to fill her up. She didn’t need THAT war, the yeerks, that specific threat. All she needed was a purpose and a direction, and she could have found others. But they were just kids. And when the yeerk war was the biggest thing around them of course they couldn’t imagine any other threat ever existing again. When I was 18, I would sit in my yard and cry because the future was big and empty and black without the framework of life I knew around it (high school, living with my parents, the town I grew up in), and I didn’t know how to picture any other kind of future because my undiagnosed mental illnesses literally prevented me from doing so. And all I felt was angry because that was the only thing I could feel. And I went to college and got a job and now it’s over ten years later and I’m in graduate school, and I still can’t picture the future because surprise surprise that’s a symptom of my ADHD, just like the overwhelming surges of rage were, but god it’s so much easier to work around them as an adult. And of course I can’t help but imagine the same for Rachel, too, if she’d survived; since I spent so much of my late childhood and preteen years clinging to her as a framework for myself. And then I outlived her narrative. And I got older than her. And I kept getting older than her. Man. I’m so glad I read these books as a kid but also so glad I keep taking the time go to back to them as an adult, because every time these middle grade novels hit in new and painful ways.

All that being said, would I change the ending of the book (or, rather, the beginning)? Absolutely not. It breaks my heart. It’s unnecessary. It’s perfect. 

Uhg, I just love this series so much.

[katyobsesses]

Emails to therapists are terrifying

[kiwidotcom]

Uhg i just tried to call access and assessment, basically mental health line at the hospital but after 5 rings i realized i dont even know what to say

Last time i hung up on them. Bc i was dumb and ended up getting police dragging me out of my house

Im 70 days sober today and i dont want to just throw it all away but i want to fucking drink. I want to drink so badly.

I never wanted to be sober, i hate this but ill hate myself if i drink too.

I keep thinking i like people and then 3 months in i stop liking them and end up hurting them and then i do it again. And i don't know why. Im sn emotional slut? I want to be in a relationship but im worried ill never be able to. But am i not supposed to get close with people?.

I think im trying but i just keep fucking up. I can't take care of myself. I definitely can't help anyone else.

I dont want to kill myself i just want to stop existing so badly. I want to just turn everything off. How do i ever get out of this, it just keeps getting worse

[choisgirls]

A/N: OH NO THIS WAS A WHILE BACK AND IM SO SORRY BUT I REALLY HOPE EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT NOW???? And i'm not afraid of needles per say but the feeling of getting your blood drawn or getting shots TERRIFIES me so when i had IV's the nurses always had to numb me or i'd go swinging (YOU REMINDED ME I HAVE TO GET A BLOOD TEST TOMORROW THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME ADULT BUT IMMA DIE)  ~Admin 404

(also you submitted this instead of it being in the inbox so I mean i tried to answer in a way where you’d still get the notif <3)

 *YOOSUNG:

               -MC ARE YOU OKAY WHAT'S WRONG

               -Tried to comfort you by telling you all the medical terms for everything and tried to sound official

               -"You fucking dork you study medicine for anIMALS, THAT ISN'T GONNA HELP ME"

               -But he kept trying anyway!!! He kept trying to show you that it's all going to help you!!!

               - this is making it worse yoosung please

               -He literally cries with you because he doesn't want his MC to be this upset

               -Yoosung how does crying help me it just makes it ten times worse????

               -SUDDENLY HAD A REALIZATION! He would do to you what his mum would do for him!

               -He grabbed your hand and started to draw little animal faces on the back of it and made you guess them, so you'd focus on that instead of the IV!

               -Afterwards he'll cuddle you like crazy and constantly tell you how brave you are!! He's so proud of you!!

 *ZEN:

               -He's so extra

               -Throwing himself against your bed, throwing himself down into the chair, throwing himself against the wall

               -"OH NO! MY MC! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! MY DARLING!" shut the hell up

    ��          -Immediately straightened up when he sensed that you were afraid of something

               -Holds your head against his chest and runs his hand up and down your back

               -Sings softly against the top of your head to help calm you down

               - singing softly didnt last long because he started to belt out the songs

               -But that's okay? Because it makes you really happy and you appreciate what he's trying to do for you!

               -Also, he's this badass who was in a motorcycle gang but watching someone get an IV freaks him out

               -He's the one who almost faints once he sees it in you wake UP YOURE NO HELP TO ME PASSED OUT

 *JAEHEE:

               -"MC it's just a little needle, it's not even that big"

               - and that makes a difference how???

               -She actually feels really bad because she's trying to calm you down but??

               -She's secretly afraid of them as well

               -It's not the "im being stabbed with a needle" kind of fear but the whole "holy shIT LIQUID comes OUT OF THIS LITTLE THING and it GOES INTO ME" kind of thing

               -When pretending to be Cool Calm Collected(tm) didn't work, she decided to tell you her fear of them as well

               -And knowing you aren't the only one afraid actually helps??

               -Like now the two of you can cuddle in fear when the nurse gives you the IV

               -And there's no judgment when you practically crush her hand in fear

               -Lots and lots of cheek kisses because she thinks you're really brave for letting them put it in <3

 *JUMIN:

               -"MC, you'll be fine, please stop fighting the nurses"

               -"Tensing up is only going to make it worse. Nurses usually only have to poke you once. Very rarely do they have to put the needle in more than once"

               - wow okay i feel so calm already thank you

               -But he's seriously the sweetest??? He went and found out which nurse is the best at it so you wouldn't feel a thing, but he didn't tell you that

               -He tried to play it cool for you but deep down he's also freaking out- he's afraid for you because first of all you're in the hospital, secondly you're deeply afraid of the needle heading towards you

               -BUT IT'S FOR YOUR HEALTH MC YOU NEED TO HAVE IT. OTHERWISE HE'D MAKE IT GO AWAY

               -He'll break down and hold you close, running his fingers through your hair and murmuring that it'll all be alright

               -If you start to cry, he'll always be there to wipe your tears (whether by his thumb or kissing them away what a CUTIE)

               - do you wanna look at pictures of elizabeth

               -He's always there too. If Jaehee tries to call him in for work he makes her bring it to him. Refuses to leave jumin just go to woRK

 *SAEYOUNG:

               -Knowing him, he'd probably do the same thing as Jumin, where he demands the best nurse to give you the IV

               -He's also very extra, but he's just trying to take your mind off of it!

               -Sets up a scenario where the two of you have to play pretend- the IV has the antidote that's dire to your mission and he's the knight whose sworn duty is to make sure you get it and stay safe

               - what a nerd but you play along anyway because it's fun

               -Acts like a complete idiot, dances around the room, he even impersonates each of the other members to make you laugh

               -Keeps messing with the equipment around the room and makings puns based off of them

               -He also messes with the settings on your bed and you want to be mad as hell but it's actually kind of funny?

               -Like he's giggling more than you every time he presses a button and it's so cute you can't help but just let him do it

               -Team Lemme Kiss Your Face Until You’re Not Scared Anymore

               -He even licks your face?? Like he does it the moment the needles about to touch you because now you’re focused on the fact that his freaking saliva’s all over your face 

 *V:

               -Crying more than you are

               -DON'T HURT HIS MC

               -DON'T BE SCARED MC IT'LL ALL BE OKAY

               -Literally never lets you go. You're always against him

               -The nurses and doctors keep trying to at least get him to back away and just hold your hand but he looks like a lost little puppy

               -The type to constantly kiss every inch of your face the moment they tell you that they need to put in the IV

               -Always protective but never ever rude to the nurses, he's as gentle with them as he is with you

               -If listening to what the nurses or doctors have to say scares you, he covers your ears and puts them in less frightening words for you afterwards

               - because lets be honest sometimes the technical words for things are scary as HELL when all they really need to say is "we're gonna smack ya knee with this hammer thing"

               -Distracts you from all the needles by kissing you gently because he just wants to give you all the comfort he can give you through his love

 *SAERAN:

               -He doesn't get the big deal with needles?

               -He's got a tattoo, he's dealt with needles, he just doesn't get it

               -He does see how absolutely terrified you are though

               -Feels absolutely terrible because?? He didn't mean to dismiss your fear of needles but he also just doesn't understand

               -So he just silently holds your other hand and brings your head to his chest when the nurse comes at you with the needle

               -He'll make sure you can't see the needle or the nurse, so you don't know when it's happening

               -Completely distracts you by telling you a story

               -Usually the stories consist of Saeyoung doing something ridiculous and him walking in on it

               -Even if you've heard the story before, you still laugh and it not only calms you down but?? You don't even feel the IV?

               -He's always right there for you the whole time you're in the hospital. You tried to be there for him when he was, so the cutie is gonna do the same for you!!

[justsomeantifas]

me: the gun control legislation in the usa overwhelmingly targets people of color, mentally ill people, and the poor.

me: the primary mass shooters are killing in the name of white supremacy.

me: unless our gun control legislation addresses the white supremacist aspect of gun violence in the usa it will only serve to further harm innocent people targeted by white supremacists already.

me: under 10 million americans own 133 million guns, the concentration of gun ownership is absolutely wild. why is the focus on preventing people from getting guns while ignoring the millions of people with literal arsenals?

me: our police kill more people with guns than mass shooters do. yet no one talks about breaking up their arsenals either.

me: given the united states has literal concentration camps, and a president all but stating we should have a race war, i don’t think our focus should be on preventing people from getting guns.

me: the usa has a long history of stopping oppressed groups from having guns, while doing nothing to stop the gun violence against said people.

me: far more would change by removing guns from parties already notorious for possessing them.

me: but strangely enough the media attention solely focuses in on new gun owners? why? is no one going to ask why? is no one going to ask why such a small group of people are allowed arsenals without ever being targeted legislatively?

them: uhg, i can’t believe you want people to die by not banning crazy people from getting guns.

me:

[thenerdypen]

Okay so that Captain America ending...

Okau yes, I AM EXTREMELY PISSED ABOUT STEVE'S ENDING WTF WAS THAT?????

So Steve "getting a life" is him returning to the literal past for one person whom he never even had a complete romantic relationship with??? Like, don't get me wrong, I love Steggy! Or at least I did before this movie kind of put a bitter taste in my mouth about it. Peggy moved on from Steve, she said goodbye to him and found another love with whom she spent the rest of her life and and had children with. She had a beautiful full life without Steve. Her life was NOT defined by her relationship with him. But Steve apparently defined his life by her and it comes off as really creepy rather than romantic in this movie especially. Steve has basically turned into Jay Gatsby, idealizing a single person to the point of unhealthy obsession as a representative of a perfect past that never existed. Excuse my lit nerd self but, "You can't repeat the part old sport." Steve apprently never fucking read it because he turns out to be a complete hypocrite to the support group he ran.

Look I'm all for Steve getting a happy ending but him returning to the 1940's goes against every message of "moving on" and "accepting the end" that permeates throughout the movie. And it goes against the Captain America story as well. Steve's man out of time story is the ultimate story about grief.

Sometimes the worst does happen and you lose people in your life. At that point only thing you can do is lay down in defeat or you pick yourself up and continue to live. Steve in every other marvel universe has forged new connection both with the Avengers and outside of it. He finds a family, he falls in love, he grows to love the time he lives in cluding the culture, art, music, food, etc. He's the poster child of the resislience of the human spirit and the ability to cope with tragedy. He shows that there is a life to be lived, even when it feels like everything is over. Honestly as someone who lost a close family member I found comfort in Steve's journey. It showed me there was strength to be had and a future waiting.

This movie spits in the face of that message and pretty much says,. "Oh something tragic happened to you? Don't move forward, dig your heels into the ground, refuse new experiences, and obsess about the past"

"Lost someone in your life it's cool lol just turn back fucking time and it's aaaaaallll good"

Like how is that supposed to make me feel? Steve abandoned everyone else in his life for one person. You're telling me Steve left Sam, who had been by Steve's side supporting him through thick and thin even when it got him thrown in jail??? That Steve left Bucky? The man he gave up his sheild, team, and one of his closest friend's trust for? All of his other friends including the other avengers plus whoever else he connected with in that support group?

Honestly I think part of what spurred Steve to make this move was the death of both Tony and Natasha, two of his closest friends. Those were serious blows that might have made him act irrationally but the Russo's frame his act as a good decision. (Part of me would kind of love it if we got a short that revealed Steve made a huge mistake and he and Peggy actually didn't make it long in a serious relationship and that he realizes how much being stuck in the 1940's fucking sucks when your used to google, rock n roll, vaccines, and good food lmao shows him that the past is always rose tinted)

A good ending for Steve would be for him to get the help he needs and learning to finally let go of the past and enjoy his present. Forge new connections and valuing the ones he already had. Honestly my perfect Steve ending would them showing us him at a bowling night or something lmao. Okay maybe he passes the sheild to Sam because he knows his heart can't take being at war constantly. He decide to pursue his passion. Maybe take a note from the comics and he picks up his art career again. Maybe be meets a nice new boy/girl and settles down. He lives a civilian life. He gets to go home and live in anonomiously. (Of course my actual perfect Steve ending is him finding a family in the Avengers and leading then throughout the years in various roles but Chris Evans contract is expiring and we need to get him out of the picture)

Uhg in summary this ending just feels really insulting and cheap to anybody who has ever actually lost someone tragically. And it really twists Steve and makes him look like a total fucking creep. Mcu Steve is probably the saddest of Steve's because he was never allowed to move on. And a story about a severely depressed Captain America with PTSD actually has the potential to say something greater about those mental illnesses. Something that would show, yes it does get better eventually and that in order to do so you need to get the proper help and create coping methods. Instead it's just hand waved with a return to the past.

I'm a huge Captain America fan and this ending honestly spoils the character for me a bit. At least this version of him. In my eyes, this will never be the true ending and to keep my sanity that's the way it'll have to be.

Sorry this got so long but I needed to get this out. This character means a lot to me and I needed to fully voice why this creative decision felt so shallow and wrong.

[mycomori]

uhg now i’m so anxious she kept askin about if my mom cared that i smoke cause she’s a hs teacher and i jjst said she doesn’t wnat anything to do with it and doesn’t care what i do as long as she doesn’t smell it so i smoke w the window open or outside which is fairly true (i mean not really my dad smokes too but not gonna reveal that) i jjst feel shitty and useless and weird rn for smoking weed and she wasn’t even like angry or accusatory all she said was she was worried about the health side effects. but im full of anxiety. im so stupid. i feel shitty like ik high scjool againa nd being judged. but maybe not. maybe i’m jjst horirbke at being fiends with new people. or re friending people i have ya end in years. maybe i’m just a dumbass and i gave into drugs and alcohol too easily. even tho i took so long. i never even smoked until i was 20. and barely drank at all in high school and never did anything else. i did all my work and got good grades i tried so hard then burnt out. and left without any of my former dreams and a lifetime of mental illness and trauma to work through while working full time in a cafe in desperate attempt to c.l. ange my life only for it to fail iver and over and over and i can’t blame anyone but myself. i don’t know. i don’t wanna think about this tonight. or at all. i was feeling kinda okay today despite how hectic it was. i was running around basically since i got up this morning until getting home from class. stopped and picked my phone up from v’s house cause i left it in k’s car last night after the show and he was over her house after an injury at shitbucks. im also considering soey time barista back at shitbucks the same cafe k works at which was originally where was supposed to go before i quit. my theroay a tried to talk to me about possible future plans that actually could change my life in small ways to help me move on my own and work and do wdcholl at my own pace. i was excited for a long a second and kinda hopeful but i should neve be hopeful i know. i feel sick and guilty. for nothing for existing for beig me. gonna stop this now and take another shot