#ugly laugh can’t believe I used to think I was going to post this chapter around thanksgiving

[sugarpasteltmnt]

FRIDAY

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

after your post about malleus i finally said to myself “yeah i can’t force myself to pretend like i like any of the dormheads”. not like i hate them, but after their blots were over i felt like nothing in particular has ever changed about them. the only person who made me think yeah he’s a changed guy is vil. i was really surprised when in chapter 6(if it wasn’t the end of 5th? can’t remember) he apologised to the boys, his acceptance of his own mistakes and awful doings made him skyrocket in my mental tier list

[Referencing this post!]

Mmmm, I'm in a similar boat when it comes to the dorm leaders but for my own reasons; I like the vice dorm leaders a lot better simply because I tend to enjoy characters who play "supportive" roles (butler, bodyguard, knight, older sibling, etc.).

I don't know if I agree with the idea that the dorm leaders (well, + Jamil instead of Kalim) didn't change after their OBs. I believe that we miss out on seeing a lot of their development because it happens off-screen and we the players don't spend every waking moment checking up on the OB boys--but they definitely do change. More specifically, right after their OBs and sometimes upon their returns in the subsequent books. Just because we do not personally witness every step of their development doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Let's look at one example with the first dorm leader. After his defeat, Riddle cries and confesses he doesn't care about the silly rules, he just wants to enjoy his time with everyone. During the unbirthday party that follows his OB, Riddle sees some roses that are not entirely red and his peers expect him to lose his temper again. Instead, he laughs and says he can overlook it, then invites everyone to help him paint them properly. Riddle expresses similar restraint with his anger in book 2; he adopts a policy of strictly chastising and then trying to fix the problem instead of immediately collaring rule transgressors. (The exceptions being with, of course, the wrongdoers of book 2, like Leona.) Then, in book 6, we see Riddle struggling with his character change, as he is shown to still heavily rely on absolute rules and laws to govern his actions, and relies on himself to be the judge of them while shunting out others. It's only when he butts heads with Azul that he's able to be a little more flexible and recognize his peers' strengths. This makes sense, because the time period between book 1 and book 6 is only about 6 months; a complete shift in one's character and worldview won't happen that quickly, nor completely. Riddle must have been working on himself a lot and consciously trying to repress his anger--and he's imperfect at it. This is fine!! Character growth can be messy, slow, and non-linear--and this is true of how the dorm leaders change over time.

As for Vil (since he was specifically cited in your ask!), I'm of the opinion that his early book 6 apology was not the result of a character change. Vil was already very mature and self-aware prior to OBing; I think he would have still apologized if he thought something going wrong was genuinely his fault, as he holds himself to high standards and would acknowledge when he has fallen short of them (even in regards to morals). This is implied in his behavior before he overblotted too; in book 5, Vil repeatedly claims he will defeat Neige using his own power, fair and square. When he falls into despair and resorts to dirty methods to take his rival out, VIl is appalled by the "ugliness" of his actions and begs his classmates to "not look at [him]" because "[he's] so ugly" (referring to his ugly character/morals). This means he was aware of the cruelty of his actions and how they poorly reflect on him (ie he would have felt guilty and apologized afterwards about it anyway). Vil typically comes off as harsh, but he's truly noble when it comes to accepting when he has fucked up. I feel the real change in Vil is something that Rook highlights: the importance of loving oneself, regardless of what others may think of you. This development is made more apparent in book 6, which is the follow-up book to Vil's and allows him a time to shine. Whereas in book 5 Vil was obsessed with being a "hero" and public opinion, book 6 Vil declares to Idia "there are no heroes or villains" and that he is still "fairest of them all" (echoing a line Rook says in book 5), even as a withered old man.

I don’t want to ramble on for too long!! If you’re interested in reading about how the dorm leaders (+ Jamil) are grappling with their character arcs following their books, I’d recommend this post. It only goes up to Vil since the analysis is very book 6 heavy. I’d recommend this one for Idia, but be warned it does not take into account book 7 events since it was not out at the time of writing.

[ninadove]

Recently, I’ve seen many posts (well… ‘many’ as per East of Eden standards, so like, 3 or 4) regretting Steinbeck’s treatment of Cathy/Kate. And I must admit, it puzzles me, because I am absolutely convinced he wanted us to feel sympathy towards her.

Many of her thoughts and alleged crimes are reported by an unreliable narrator who has no way of verifying any of this information. Most importantly, Steinbeck himself admits he is an unreliable narrator and that he is not equipped to understand or judge her:

[Chapter 8] You must not forget that a monster is only a variation, and that to a monster the norm is monstruous.

[Chapter 13] It doesn’t matter that Cathy was what I have called a monster. Perhaps we can’t understand Cathy, but on the other hand we are capable of many things in all directions, of great virtues and great sins. And who in his mind has not probed the black water?

[Chapter 17] When I said Cathy was a monster it seemed to me that it was so. Now I have bent close with a glass over the small print of her and re-read the footnotes, and I wonder if it was true. The trouble is that since we cannot know what she wanted, we will never know whether or not she got it. If rather than running toward something, she ran away from something, we cannot know whether she escaped. Who knows but that she tried to tell someone or everyone what she was like and could not, for lack of a common language. Her life may have been her language, formal, developed, indecipherable. It is easy to say she was bad, but there is little meaning unless we know why.

And, interestingly enough — even this kinder diagnosis is disproven later on.

What supposedly sets Cathy/Kate apart from the rest of humanity is the concept of timshel, the great choice that should ‘give [her] stature with the gods’: something she should be pitied, not demonised, for lacking. But does she actually lack it? Does she?

[Chapter 50] Kate was not thinking. Her mind drifted among impressions the way a bat drifts and swoops in the evening. She saw the face of the blonde and beautiful boy, his eyes mad with shock. She heard his ugly words aimed not so much at her as at himself. And she saw his dark brother leaning against the door and laughing.

Kate had laughed too — the quickest and best self-protection. What would her son do? What had he done after he went quietly away?

She loves Aron because she (erroneously) believes he is the one good thing that came out of her. She is terrified of Cal because she (erroneously) sees him as the incarnation of everything that is wrong with her, and paradoxically of a choice she thinks she does not have herself:

[Chapter 39] Cal said, “I was afraid I had you in me.”

“You have,” said Kate.

“No, I haven’t. I’m my own. I don’t have to be you.”

“How do you know that?” she demanded.

“I just know. It just came to me whole. If I’m mean, it’s my own mean. […] I don’t think the light hurts your eyes. I think you’re afraid.”

“Get out!” she cried. “Go on, get out!”

“I’m going.” He had his hand on the doorknob. “I don’t hate you,” he said. “But I’m glad you’re afraid.”

Were she truly incapable of doing good, she would not care that much. Which makes her a stellar foil to Adam (much like the twins are foils to each other), who is obsessed with the concept of timshel and keeps making all the wrong decisions in the pursuit of a noble ideal that causes more harm than good.

The bottom line is: Steinbeck did an incredible job writing Cathy/Kate and deserves much more credit than he gets.

[canirove]

Best friends… forever? | Chapter 7

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

“Home sweet home” Mila says, letting herself fall on the sofa and taking off her shoes. 

“Home sweet home” Rúben says, sitting next to her and doing the same.

After they both won the League, they went out to celebrate first with their teammates and then with their families, who had flown from Portugal. The past three days had been the longest ever, and even though Mila had enjoyed every second of it, she couldn’t wait to get home and just relax.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks Rúben, resting her head on the back of the sofa.

“You look beautiful tonight.”

“You already said that when we met at the restaurant” Mila chuckles.

“Just in case you had forgotten” he shrugs, also resting his head on the sofa. “Winning suits you.”

“Does that mean that before winning the league I was ugly?”

“You’ve never been ugly. According to Diogo, I was the ugly one.”

“Diogo” she snorts. “He knows nothing. You’ve always been handsome and only got better and better as you’ve got older.” Which wasn’t a lie. He was aging like fine wine.

“Am I hot, then?” Rúben asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Very hot. But you don’t need me telling you that, you see it every morning when you look at yourself in the mirror. And every afternoon. And at night. And before going to bed. And…”

“Are you calling me vain?” 

“Just a teeny tiny bit” she smirks.

“I’m not the one who gets changed three times before going out.”

“That’s not being vain, that’s being indecisive.”

“Yeah, sure” Rúben says while trying not to smile, making her focus on his lips for some reason. 

“We should kiss” Mila blurts out.

“What?”

“The deal we have with Bruno. We both won, we have to kiss.”

“Oh, that” Rúben says, feeling a bit disappointed. She is just thinking about the deal they made, not about actually kissing him because she wants to. “How do we do it?”

“You’ve kissed people before, you know how it works” she says with a cheeky smile.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it” he says, bumping his shoulder against hers. 

“I’m sorry, I just love teasing you way too much” she replies, now being the one who bumps her shoulder against his, making both of them laugh. 

“We have to film it or Bruno won't believe us, so I guess someone will have to hold the phone.”

“You are more into selfies than I am, you should do it.”

“What? Have you seen your Instagram profile? Your stories? Mila, you are the one constantly posting selfies” Rúben laughs.

“Whatever. But your arm is longer than mine.”

“Ok, fine. I’ll do it” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Grab your phone, then” Mila says. But he doesn’t move. He just keeps looking at her, both of them still resting their heads on the back of the sofa, their shoulders touching. He could stay like this forever, being this close to her, getting lost on her eyes. “Rúben, didn’t you hear me?” Mila says again, still looking at him, noticing how close he is. But he could be closer. She wants him to be closer. 

And as if he was reading her mind, Rúben closes the small space that was left between them, kissing her, making her feel like the world has stopped and it’s just his lips on hers, his hand cupping her face. 

“We should have filmed that” he says when he breaks apart, his lips brushing against hers.

“We should” Mila whispers. But neither of them move to grab a phone. Instead, they just kiss again, this time with more passion. 

He’s kissing her. Rúben is finally kissing Mila, and he can’t get enough of it. He needs more, more of her kisses, more of her. He needs her. 

Mila can’t remember the last time she was kissed like this. She doesn’t know if she’s ever been kissed like this, to be honest. It feels as if they need each other to breathe, as if the world will end if they stop. 

And Rúben’s touch has a similar effect on her. He has moved his hand from her face to her arm, and everywhere where his fingers have been, she feels her skin burning, wanting him to go back there but also to keep moving. She wants more. She needs more. So she moves to sit on his lap, straddling him. 

When Mila sits on him, it catches Rúben a bit by surprise, but it is a good surprise. His hands move to her thighs, lifting her dress up so she is more comfortable, allowing her to move closer to him while they keep kissing. 

He moves his fingers up and down her thighs, lifting her dress more and more, feeling every bit of her skin until he is touching her butt. He grabs it with both hands, pulling her even closer to him, the feeling of her against him making them both gasp, taking the moment to stop kissing and catch their breaths.

“We still aren’t filming” Rúben smiles.

“I’m afraid that isn’t happening today” she replies with another smile before kissing him again. But kissing isn’t enough. He still needs more of her. 

“Rúben” Mila whispers when he starts kissing her jaw, her neck, her shoulder. 

“If you want me to stop, just say it” he says against her skin, his fingers playing with one of the straps of her dress.

“I don’t want you to stop” she replies, surprising herself a bit. She didn’t know she felt this for him. She didn’t know that she wanted him this bad, that she could want to do this with him. She knew that something had changed, that something felt different between them. But she didn’t expect it to be this.

“I don’t want you to stop.” If he wasn’t already busy kissing her shoulder, pulling down the straps of Milan’s dress, Rúben would have smiled. Maybe laughed. This is what he wanted. Her. All of her. 

“Zipper” Mila says as his hand moves from her butt to her back, to her waist, looking for a way to get rid of her dress. The moment he finds it, it quickly goes down, and she herself takes it off, throwing it somewhere while Rúben can’t stop looking at her. 

He has seen Mila in her underwear or wearing a bikini many times before, but he had never seen her topless. And he can’t get enough of it. 

“Liking what you see?” she asks with a mischievous smile.

“Very much” Rúben replies.

“But it is only fair I also get to see something” she says, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

Mila had seen Rúben topless many times. Way too many times, to be honest. He loves walking around the house looking like that. But she had never had him this close. She had never touched him the way she was doing right now as she took off his shirt, her fingers following the shape of the muscles on his stomach, his chest, his arms. 

“Liking what you see?” he asks.

“What I see and what I am touching” she says, finally getting rid of his shirt and throwing it somewhere in the room, probably to the same place where her dress had gone. 

And then they were kissing again, that feeling of needing the other to breathe coming back, his hands moving up her waist until one of his thumbs touches her nipple.

“Fuck” Mila whispers.

“Did you like that?” 

“Very much.”

“And if I do this?” he says while leaning forward, his tongue replacing his thumb. 

“Oh, fuck” she says again, arching against him and making him grunt something. “You also liked that, didn’t you?” Mila chuckles, moving her hips against him once again.

“I did. But I can’t focus on this if you do that.”

“And if you do that, my body can’t help but react” she replies.

“What a horrible dilemma” Rúben chuckles, his thumb moving in circles around her nipple.

“The worst” she says, biting her lip. “But I didn’t tell you to stop. So less using your mouth to talk, and more to do other things.”

“As my lady commands” he says.

But doing this, feeling her shudder under his touch, moving against him, isn’t enough. After having fun with her breasts, Rúben moves her so she is lying on the sofa, starting to leave kisses on her stomach, her hands playing with his hair. 

“May I?” he asks, lifting his eyes to meet hers, his fingers playing with the hem of her underwear.

“Please” Mila whispers, her body tensing under his touch. 

Once she is completely naked, he can’t help it and takes a moment to look at her. She is simply beautiful. And she is about to be his. Only his.

“What are you doing, Rúben?” she asks.

“Admiring you” he says, making her giggle before lifting one of her legs and starting to kiss her ankle, going up to her calf, her knee, taking his time when he makes it to her inner thigh.

“You are going too slow.”

“You don’t like it?” he asks against her skin.

“It’s torture.”

“Do I keep going up, then?”

“Please” Mila whispers. 

“What about your other leg?” he asks, teasing her.

“Rúben… Please” she begs. 

“Ok” he chuckles, doing as she asks and kissing her thigh, making it to where she wanted him to go.

“Rúben” Mila moans when she finally feels his tongue on her, making him think that his name has never sounded so good, a thought that would come back to his mind a few more times that night.

[shewhowas39]

sneak peek of chapter 34: "Behind Blue Eyes"

hello hello and happy monday! i know it's been a hot minute since i updated J&S. (okay only 2 weeks but for me that's a long time.) but i'm working on chapter 34 now and am hoping to post it either today or tomorrow!

in the meantime, have a sneak peek, featuring Karlach being horny on main lol

***

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Shadowheart replies with a snort. Her hand falls to her side, her mace no longer raised in preparation for a fight. “But imagine what we might achieve if we channeled some of our hostility back at our real foes, instead of each other. They wouldn’t stand a chance.”

June gives Shadowheart a grateful look before turning her attention to Lae’zel, waiting for an answer.

Lae’zel grits her teeth once more before finally sheathing her sword with an exclamation of frustration. “Fine. But only because you hold the relic, June, and while you may be mad, I do not believe you to be deceitful.” 

“Um…thanks?”

“I will leave the topic to rest for now,” she continues before her eyes cut to Shadowheart once more. “But once our infections are cured, we will revisit this discussion.”

“I look forward to it,” Shadowheart replies, and June wishes she hadn’t made it sound so threatening. 

Nonetheless, the women turn and walk away from one another, without a drop of blood spilled, and even though part of her is disappointed about that, June tells herself she should consider it a win. 

“Nice work, soldier,” Karlach says as she sidles up to her. “I thought that was going to get ugly.” 

“Me, too,” June admits. 

“Honestly? I was kinda hoping they’d fight,” Karlach whispers, the heat from her skin almost burning June when the tiefling bends down toward her ear. “I mean, I don’t want either of them hurt. But look at them! They’re both right fit. Watching them go at it would have been a little sexy.”

June raises an eyebrow at her. “You think watching them hack at each other would be sexy?” she asks. 

Karlach laughs. “All right, maybe in my head they weren’t using weapons. Or wearing armor. And maybe there was a mud pit involved?” Her red cheeks deepen to a charming shade of maroon. “The reality probably wouldn’t have been so hot, I wager.”

“Probably not,” June says, chuckling. “But, hey, next time they wanna take their frustrations out on each other, I’ll suggest mud wrestling. Just for you. Clearly I’m pretty persuasive.” 

The taller woman grins and pumps her fist. “Hells yeah! And maybe you’ll join in, too?” She winks. 

“We’ll see.” 

Though June can’t shake the thought that, if Karlach’s dirty little fantasy was to come true, she’d likely need to stay out of it. She doesn’t trust herself not to actually try and murder someone, even in mud wrestling. She knows she could make it go from Karlach’s sexy dream to a gruesome nightmare in no time. 

***

you can read the whole fic on Ao3!

[waitimcomingtoo]

I Got You, Babe ~ T.H

chapter five: the first crack in the glass

series masterlist

You spent the following weeks planning and throwing your baby shower. You had one in London and it seemed like everyone who had ever met Tom came. The amount of family members and famous faces would’ve overwhelmed you had Tom broken his promise of never leaving your side. But just like he said he would, he stayed with you the entire time.

A second baby shower was thrown in your bakery a few weeks later. All your friends and employees came out to celebrate you. If you were bothered by the lack of your family members that had shown up, you didn’t let it show. After the shower had ended, you and Tom stayed in the bakery to clean up a little.

“Wow.” Tom said as he looked around. “That’s a lot of pink cupcakes.”

“I know. I felt like we ran out of at the first baby shower so I kinda overcompensated for this one.” You playfully grimaced and began to put the cupcakes in a display case.

“I’m sure you’ll sell them tomorrow. You sell out everyday anyway. The people of New York can’t get enough of your baking. But who could blame them?” He complimented as he helped you put the cupcakes in the case.

“I know. I can’t believe how busy we are lately.” You sighed happily. “The line is out the door almost every morning. It’s everything I ever wanted.”

“You deserve it. These cupcakes are amazing. I might gain more weight than you do by the time this pregnancy ends.” Tom said as he bit into one of the cupcakes.

“I doubt it. I ate a tub of butter the other day.” You admitted as you looked down at your protruding bump.

“Why butter?” He laughed and handed you his cupcake.

“It looked really good.” You laughed weakly before taking a bite. Tom kissed the side of your head before looking at all the gifts that covered your bakery’s tables.

“I’ve never seen this much pink in my life.” Tom remarked. “Imagine our daughter hates the color pink. What would we do?”

“I know. I can’t get over how cute everything is though. Look how small these socks are.” You gushed as you pulled a pair of frilly pink socks out of a gift bag.

“You think those are cute? Look at these.” Tom said as he pulled out a pair of little pink sneaker.

“Aw.” You cooed and touched the shoes. “I don’t know why I find these so adorable. Babies don’t ever need shoes.”

“I can’t believe she’s gonna be here so soon.” Tom smiled and touched your bump. “I feel like time is going by so fast. And we have nothing figured out.”

“Yeah.” You realized. “Maybe we should do a little planning tonight. We could throw things out and see what the other thinks.”

“Sure. I’ll start.” Tom began. “How much information are we revealing to the public about the baby? We sort of have the worlds attention right now.”

“They can know her name but if we post pictures, I’d prefer we block her face. I already think newborns are ugly and I don’t need the world agreeing with me.” You admitted, which made Tom laugh.

“I totally agree. No showing her face until she says it’s okay.” Tom nodded. “Let’s see, what else? What’s your stance on spanking?”

“What does that have to do with - oh you meant as a form of discipline, didn’t you?” You realized, making Tom laugh even louder.

“Yes, I did.”

“I say no hitting under any circumstances.” You stated. “Time outs are good enough for me.”

“Excellent. We agree on that.”

“Private or public school?” You asked him.

“Private.” He decided. “That’s what my parents did for all my brothers. I think it worked out pretty well for us. Harry’s a hooligan but I think he would’ve turned out that way no matter what school he was in.”

“Works for me.” You chuckled. “How old before she gets her first phone?”

“Probably secondary school, right?”

“What?”

“High school.” He chuckled.

“Ohhh.” You nodded. “Yeah. I think 14 is a good age for your first phone. What about screen time?”

“No.” Tom shook his head. “Not until she’s older. I don’t want an iPad baby.”

“Me either.” You agreed. “Do you know how to change a diaper?”

“No. I don’t.” He realized.

“Me either. We should probably look into that. Hmm. What else? Oh, I know.” You clapped your hands. “If we ever have a son, would you let him go to school in a dress?”

“If the weather permits.” Tom shrugged.

“Good answer.” You chuckled. “What are your thoughts on spoiling?”

“Oh no. I might spoil the shit out of this kid.” Tom admitted. “I already want to buy her the entire earth and she isn’t even born yet. Can you imagine saying “no” when she asks for something? Because I’m already entirely at her mercy.”

“Me too. Don’t worry. We’ll keep each other in check.” You assured him.

“What about the last name?” Tom asked. “Should we give her yours or mine? Or we could always hyphenate.”

“I’m good with yours. Our kid should have the last name of a family that loves them.” You said softly. Tom gave you a fond smile to show that he appreciated the sentiment before nodding his head.

“I think that’s a great idea. Plus, it’ll be easier when we get married.” Tom replied without thinking of it.

“When we get married?” You playfully raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you mean “if” we get married?”

“No.” Tom shook his head. “I’m definitely going to be your second husband.”

“Second?” You frowned. “What happened to my first husband?”

“Nothing you can prove.” Tom deadpanned.

“Wait a minute.” You laughed. “Did you steal that joke from ICarly?”

“Yes. And it worked out perfectly.” He grinned as you playfully smacked his arm.

“What about where we’re gonna live? My apartment is only one bedroom. How long are you in New York for?” You asked as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I don’t know. When do kids leave for university in America? 18?” He asked as he placed his hands on your hips.

“Tom.” You playfully rolled your eyes.

“I’m kidding. Obviously we’ll move into my house in London.” He said simply, which made you frown.

“I don’t know. That’s so far.”

“I know. But I have a house there with lots of bedrooms.” He reminded you. “And she’d be close to her grandparents and uncles. We should totally move to London.”

“Yeah but,” you sighed, “I can’t just leave New York.”

“Why not?”

“Because my whole life is here. I have friends and family and employees here. Plus, my business just started to take off. I can’t move it to another country when it’s finally getting popular.”

“Sure you can.” Tom shrugged. “The bakery got popular once people found out we were having a baby together and it’s not like that’s gonna change. In fact, you’ll probably double your business once our daughter is born.”

“Excuse me?” You asked and pulled out of his arms.

“What’s wrong?” Tom wondered.

“My business took off because I’m a hard working baker who puts a lot of effort into my work. You being my baby daddy isn’t the only reason I get customers.” You stated as you crossed your arms. Tom could tell he had pissed you off and quickly tried to backpedal.

“Of course it’s not the only reason.” He said. “It’s a pretty big reason though.”

“Tom, when you say that, you undermine all the effort I put into that bakery before I met you. The bakery was going just fine before you came into my life. You are not the sole reason behind my success. Screw you for implying that.” You scoffed and walked over to the pile of gifts. You started to pick at the wrapping paper of a present, your attempt at trying to look busy.

“Your business took off when the world found out you were carrying my baby. That’s all I’m saying.” He let out a huff. “Can we not fight about this right now? Let’s go back to discussing London. I really think we should move there.”

“I barely know London.” You sighed. “I’d have to start my life from scratch again. I can’t just move to a brand new city and open a bakery when I’m six months pregnant.“

“I could help you move.” He offered. “And in a few years, I’ll help you open a new bakery in London.”

You stopped picking at the wrapping paper when you heard this. You looked up to see if he was joking, but his face looked completely serous.

“A few years?” You frowned. “Did you think I was gonna stop working at the bakery once the baby was born?”

“I mean, kind of. Yeah.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you don’t need to work when I can support the both of us. You’re with me now, darling. You never have to work again if you don’t want to. You could just stay at home with the baby.” He said causally. You stared at him for a moment and he began to get the feeling that he messed up.

“I love what I do. And my job is just as important as yours.” You stated. “I’m not gonna give up my life’s passion just because I’m having a baby. It’s not like you’re gonna stop working.“

“Okay. You’re angry. I’m sorry.” He held up his hands in defense.

“Why are you sorry?” You crossed your arms.

“Because you’re angry?” He said, but it sounded more like a question.

“And why am I angry?” You asked him.

“I don’t want to answer that.” He said as he nervously scratched behind his ear.

“Why not?”

“It feels like a trap.”

“It’s not.” You shrugged. “Go ahead, Tom. Tell me why I might be angry right now.”

“Because-“

“Wrong.” You cut him off, coughing him to throw his hands in the air in exasperation.

“I’m angry because you expect me to put my career on hold so I can stay at home and take care of the baby.” You continued. “But I can’t just stay at any home. No, Tom. You want to to move to a new country so I can be a stay at home mom in your home. Do you see why that makes me angry?”

“You’ll love London!” He exclaimed in frustration. “And you can still bake at home. But you don’t need to be running a business and selling cupcakes when your boyfriend is a multimillion dollar actor.”

“Maybe I like selling cupcakes.” You raised your voice. “Did you ever think of that? I love to bake and I love running my business. I like interacting with customers and I like creating new recipes for them to try. It’s not all about the money.”

“Fine. Then open up a new bakery in London.” He sighed. “Like I suggested ten minutes ago.”

Tom assumed that was the end of the fight, but you were nowhere near done. You stopped fidgeting with the wrapping paper and angrily pushed the present before walking towards the staircase to go up to your apartment.

“Why are you still angry? We just compromised.” He called after you. You stopped walking and turned around, allowing Tom to see the anger on your face.

“That wasn’t a compromise.” You told him. “That was you reluctantly agreeing to what I wanted.”

“But I still agreed.” He pointed out. “So why are you still mad?”

“Because you keep asking me why I’m mad!” You shouted. “Which means you never understood why I got angry in the first place.”

“Fine. You’re right. I don’t see what the big deal is.” He admitted. “I thought you were gonna quit being a baker and now I know you’re not. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is you not seeing me as an equal.” You said as tears of frustration came to your eyes.

“What are you talking about?” He groaned. “Of course I do.”

“No you don’t.” You shook your head. “If you did, you would never expect me to give up my career while you kept yours. I have dreams too, Tom. And I have passions and hobbies and interests. I shouldn’t have to give those things up once I have a kid. Especially since you were never planning on giving them up for yourself.”

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “I didn’t think about it like that.“

“I know you didn’t. That’s why I’m upset.” You sighed. “And you don’t just want me to give up my career. You’re asking me to leave my home too. I have roots in New York. I do not want to pick up my entire life and move to a different country while I am growing a baby inside me.”

“You’d have to move anyway. Like you said, your apartment is too small for a baby. This whole conversation is ridiculous.” He groaned and rubbed his eyes. “I have a house in London. I have family in London. I mean, look how many family members I had at my baby shower versus how many you had at yours. You had like one cousin show up and she didn’t even stay the whole time.”

“You did not just say that.”

“What? It’s true.” He defended himself. “There is no reason why we shouldn’t move there. We’re going. End of discussion.”

“You don’t call all the shots and you definitely do not make my decisions for me.” You said sternly.

“I know.” He rolled his eyes. “But when you’re having a mood swing that makes you act crazy and make irrational decisions, I have to make choices for the both of us. Can you just eat a cupcake or something and calm down?”

“Did you just call me crazy?” You said lowly.

“I’m sorry. What I meant to say is you’re a crazy bitch.” He raised his voice as he shouted at you, making the rest of the room go silent. You and Tom were equally surprised by what came out of his mouth. He immediately retreated after screaming in your face and gave you space. You blinked in suprise a few times and wiped a tear that had fallen before looking away from him.

“I think we need some space from each other.” You said quietly.

“I’m so sorry. I’m just really stressed about the baby. I didn’t mean that. I take it back.” He apologized as he took a step forward. You instantly took a step back and hugged yourself.

“I think you should go.” You said without looking at him.

“I’m so sorry. That wasn’t me. I really didn’t mean-“

“Tom. Go.” You cut him off. “I don’t want to see you right now. Just leave.”

“Please.” He pleaded. “We need to talk about this.”

“We’ve said plenty.” You laughed bitterly. “This is my baby and this is my life. I’m not going anywhere. If you want to go back to London so badly, then go. But don’t expect me to uproot my life and follow you.”

“I’m sorry.” He said desperately. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t shut me out right. We need to stick together more than ever right now.”

“Don’t call me for a while, okay? I’ll call you if I need you.” You said as you backed up the stairs to your apartment. He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out. You disappeared into your apartment and he knew he had lost.

Tom didn’t hear from you for a long time. Days turned to weeks and he still never received a call. He had flown back to London and threw himself into preparing the nursery, anything to keep his mind off of you. He tried calling you after the first 48 hours of silence, but you never picked up. He knew you and the baby were okay from his many texts to Leo, but the silence hurt all the same. When he had to fly back to New York for work, he found himself outside your bakery almost every night. Just as he was working up the courage to go in, he got a call from you.

“Darling.” He sighed in relief. “I’m so sorry about our fight. I miss you so much. Can I come see you?”

“Tom.” You said slowly. “I need you to meet me at the hospital. St. Augustine’s in Queens.”

His heart stopped at your words. You sounded weak and his mind raced through a million horrible scenarios that you could be in.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “Is the baby okay?”

“I fell. There was some bleeding. I, um, think you should get here as soon as possible.” You said on the other line.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He told you. “I’m on my way. I love you.”

“I’ll see you soon.” You said before hanging up. Tom quickly dialed his driver, finding it difficult to hit the numbers with his hands shaking. He jumped in the car as soon as it pulled up and gave the driver the address. As soon as the car pulled up to the hospital, Tom jumped out and ran inside.

“Excuse me?” He asked the lady at the front desk. “My girlfriend is here somewhere. Y/n L/n. I need to see her.”

“Are you the husband?” She asked without looking up.

“I just said she was my girlfriend.” Tom repeated. He felt guilty for how rude he sounded, but he was desperate.

“Sorry.” She shrugged. “Visiting hours are over. Family only beyond those doors.”

“That’s my daughter in there.” He shouted, completely out of patience now.

“Then you can have a seat in the waiting room and see your daughter when visiting hours are open.” The lady said as she pointed Tom towards the waiting room.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked. “I can’t sit in the waiting room. I need to see my family. Could you please just tell me what room Y/n L/n is in?”

“I just said I can’t.” She replied, using Tom’s outburst for earlier against him. Before Tom could respond, a nurse walked out into the hallway.

“Are you Tom?” He asked.

“Yes. I’m Tom.” Tom nodded. “Are you Y/n’s doctor? Can I see her? Is she okay?”

The nurse looked down at the chart in his hands and let out a sigh before looking back up at Tom.

“Follow me.”

Tag list 🏷

@sarbear94 @levanamareriddle​ @gwenstcay​ @angie1djonasgg​ @white-wolf1940 @whore4thor-odinson​ @spideyywife​ @yeswhatever33​ @blankspaceblankday @amnaabedi​ @elizabethraymond​ @daydreamingchaos713 @eatshitanddie-​ @tothemoonandbackx3000​ @prancerrparkerr @sunshinehollandd​ @wandamaximoffbae​

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Eight-Part 1)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 11.5k (part 1)

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (!!!), mentions of sex, oc struggles with her future, mentions of vibrator, mentions of cum eating, dirty talk, vaginal fingering, oral (female receiving), masturbation, swallowing

Notes: I am having to post this chapter in two parts, I am so sorry about that! But here it is!! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter:) feel free to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) I LOVE talking with ya’ll!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @aclowe13 @bishuthot @271101 @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch @not-your-lion @flowersgirl02 @justinetingball @fiantomartell @fairysunooo @taebae19

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous ---- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September

“What about this one?” You hold up another birthday banner, showing Vanessa yet another option.

“Ugly.” She says.

This is the fourth fucking birthday banner you’ve shown her and she doesn’t approve of any of them. But you have to admit this one is a little ugly.

“Vanessa…” you groan out, getting very obviously frustrated.

“I like this one.” She points to a banner. The very first one you showed her.

“Seriously?” you grab the banner and place it in your cart. “Okay, we still have to pick up the cake at 3. And we need to make sure we have enough plates for everyone…oh! We also still have to pick up the bottles at the liquor store.”

“I can get the cake.” She replies smoothly.

“We can just go together?”

Today is Jungkook’s birthday and you and Vanessa have been (Kind of) texting throughout the last week trying to find a good day to meet up. The day happened to be today of all days, so you’re feeling quite rushed.

“Fine.” Vanessa picks at her cuticles, just standing here looking gorgeous.

You on the other hand…were not expecting this to be a fashion show! You’re in shorts and a t shirt while she wears a flowy green dress and sandals.

“I want to be the one to present his cake to him though,” Vanessa begins, her eyes never leaving her fingers, “I am his girlfriend after all.”

You hate that your chest tightens at her words, you hate how her words affect you like this, how she affects you like this. Just being in her presence alone makes your heart twist.

“Got it.” You place some birthday plates in the cart, “So…what did you get him for his birthday?” you try to make conversation.

“A cologne.”

“You know he’s sensitive to smells—”

“He likes this one.”

“Oh.”

“I know him better than you think y/n.” her smooth voice cuts you like a butcher knife.

You nod your head, not knowing what to say. Maybe she does. But like, you still know him better right? You got to, right?

“What about you?” Vanessa lifts her eyes to meet yours, her eyes are small and dark and inviting.

“Uh, to be honest…I’m meeting with Jimin after this so we can go shopping for his gifts. So, I don’t know yet but I have an idea.”

“And what’s your idea?” her eyes go back down to her nails that she keeps picking at.

“Friendship bracelets.” You state.

“Hm.” Vanessa pushes the cart forward and walks towards the isle with candles. “We still need nice candles for the cake.”

“Right.”

~~~~~~~

“It couldn’t have been that bad, babe.” Jimin holds up a plain black hoodie and nods approvingly. “Another one for his collection, what do you think?”

“Looks like something I’d steal, so yes.” You give him a quick thumbs up, “And it was bad dude. She’s so hard to talk to!”

“Yeah, I could see that.” Jimin stands in front of a full body length mirror and checks himself out, pushing his hair out of his face. “Forehead or no forehead, tonight?”

“Hmm, no forehead.”

“Forehead it is.”

“Wow, you never listen to me!”

Jimin chuckles wholeheartedly, shrugging his shoulders like he agrees with you.

“So, where are these bracelets you keep going on about?”

“That one weird shop buy the smoothie place has these cute bracelets with letters for names on them! I was thinking I could get him a black one with my initial on it and I would get myself one with his initial.”

“You guys are so…that’s cute I guess.” Jimin giggles, he holds up his wrist as if imagining himself with the bracelet. “I want one too!” he whines.

“Maybe for your birthday.” You wink. “Anyway, do you think Vanessa knows Jungkook better than me?”

Jimin stops walking to get a look at you, an expressions that reads: Are you serious? Plastered on his face.

“It’s a valid question.” You say.

“No one knows Jungkook like you honey.”

“Okay…Also, you’ll be meeting my friend Yoongi tonight!”

“The not date, date guy?” Jimin pouts, “I thought you weren’t going to lead him on…”

You scrunch up your face in confusion,

“I can have friends Jimin, I’m not leading him on!” you try to defend.

“If you say so. Just like, try to focus on one boy at a time, you know?” Jimin teases.

You two walk to the shop that sells the bracelets and go inside. You find the bracelets you’re looking for rather quickly, feeling nice and lucky. You grab them and go to pay, when you finish up at the register you notice a Jack Skellington key chain and add it on to Jungkook’s gifts. You always have trouble finding good gifts for people, okay? You take what you can get.

“Shit, it’s already 6. I still need to go home and get ready!”

~~~~~

Nick lets you and Vanessa use their place as the spot to celebrate, it’s bigger than your place and Vanessa agrees saying it’s bigger than hers as well. Nick and his bro that believes in aliens (You really got to learn his name but at this point you are too afraid to ask) are the only ones here as you and Vanessa set up.

“Bro AI is out to get us man—” Aaanndd you are tuning him out, you watch as Nick listens closely, nodding his head every few minutes and whispering ‘Bro’. You and Vanessa hang up decorations in silence, the sound of Nick and his bro chatting away filling the room.

“People should start arriving soon…” you try to make small talk with Vanessa, she only hums in response not even sparing you a glance.

“You look nice.” You try giving her a compliment, she turns her head to the side to look at you and a sly smile grows on her face.

“Do you have feelings for Jungkook?”

You immediately choke on your fucking spit, what the actual fuck? You try to compose yourself when you hear the front door opening. Thank God.

“It is I!” You know that voice. “Where is my Jungkookie?” You hear Jin entering the living room along with Namjoon and Hobi.

“Jimin should be bringing him in the next 30 or so minutes!” you yell out. Once Jin and the other two boys spot you they light up.

“y/n!!!” Jin hurries to your side and bring you in for a quick hug. “How are you?!”

“Good, good.” You laugh, hugging him back.

“Good to see you y/n” Namjoon says with a soft smile and then you hear your named being shouted even though Hobi is a foot away from you.

“Long time no see!!!” He hugs you, shaking you around in his embrace. You can’t help but chuckle at your friend.

“Hi guys, I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Would we miss our Jungkookie’s birthday? No way.” Jin says.

“Oh,” you turn around to see Vanessa just standing behind you, not saying anything just staring. “This is Vanessa. Jungkook’s—”

“We know!” Hobi says, “Jungkook has brought her to Jin’s. Nice to see you again Vanessa!”

Vanessa tilts her head and nods, her lips not even attempting to curve into a smile.

“You too.” She finally says.

This girl either has no manners or just does not know how to properly socialize? Maybe she gets anxiety being around too many people?

You feel your phone buzz.

Yoongs 7:14pm

Im outside

“Be right back guys, a friend of mine just got here.” You try talking over your group of friends. You head towards the front door, swinging it open to a Min Yoongi waiting patiently.

He smiles at you when he sees you, he holds up a bottle of wine and shakes it around a bit.

“For the party.” He says.

“Perfect, let’s pour us a glass right now!” you gesture him to enter the apartment.

You two walk into the kitchen, and you start searching for a wine bottle opener but can’t seem to find it.

“Hey Nick!” You yell out, hoping to get his attention, “Where’s the wine opener?”

Nick shuffles into the kitchen and gives you an expression that screams he has no idea.

“I know where it’s at.” Vanessa’s silky voice fills your ears as she enters the kitchen.

“Oh.” Of course she does. Why wouldn’t Vanessa know? She probably comes here more than you do…

“Thanks.” You finally say when she hands you the wine opener.

“Well, let’s open this baby up!” you turn to face Yoongi and he smiles at you.

“Hi Vanessa.” Yoongi waves at the girl and she hums in response, walking out of the kitchen.

“Sorry, she’s…” but you don’t know what to say. Also, why are you trying to excuse her?

You pour you and Yoongi a glass and gulp it down quickly, you finish your first glass in just seconds.

“I need another one.”

“What’s got you so stressed in a time of celebration?” Yoongi casually sips on his wine, one baby sip after the other.

“Nothing, nothing.”

“y/n…” his soft tone makes you feel comforted already and he hasn’t even said anything yet.

“I don’t know how to say it without sounding psychotic.” You admit, pouring yourself your second glass of wine.

“Try me.”

“I feel like I am competing…with…”

“With Vanessa?” He gladly finishes for you.

“Yeah, like…I don’t know, I feel like she’s trying to take my place. But my place isn’t ‘girlfriend’ so I don’t know what I’m freaking out about.”

Yoongi sets his glass down and studies you for a moment, you begin to feel antsy under his gaze.

“I’m obviously on your side,” Yoongi begins in a hushed voice, “But maybe she’s worried too?”

“I wish I knew if she felt worried, or felt like, anything. This girl is hard to crack!” you quietly say.

“Just try to enjoy the night, okay?” Yoongi smiles and you don’t even feel like smiling back but you do. Suddenly, you feel your phone going off.

Jungkook 7:32pm

Why is Jimin making me dress up? I thought it was just a couple of us? Why do I need to look nice, I’m tired from work

Jungkook 7:33pm

Seriously y/n…it’s just a couple of us, right?

y/n 7:35pm

omg yes Jungkook it’s nothing big I swear, he just wants you to look nice for pictures

Jungkook 7:36pm

I always look nice for pics lol

y/n 7:38pm

No comment

Jungkook 7:40pm

Don’t be fukin rude

` y/n 7:40pm

Can you guys hurry up?

Jungkook 7:44pm

Jimin is in the mirror deciding if he’s showing his forehead or not

y/n 7:45pm

classic Jimin

Jungkook 7:45pm

Classic Jimin

You stuff your phone in your back pocket and grab your glass of wine and begin sipping on it again. Yoongi eyes you up and smirks.

“That the birthday boy?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry…yes. He and Jimin should be here soon.” You watch as Yoongi nods his head and then you realize…”Oh my god, let me introduce you to the guys!” you set your glass down on the counter and reach for Yoongi’s hand and pull him towards the living room. Unfortunately for you, you miss the way Yoongi blushes at the contact.

“Guys, guys.” You interrupt the boys from their conversations, “This is my friend Yoongi…” you gesture towards the boy, “Yoongi, this is Jin…Namjoon, Hobi, and Nick and his pal, uh…” you blink at Alien Dude and he just grins at you, not realizing you don’t know his fucking name. “Yeah, anyway.” You decide to move on, “Jungkook and Jimin should be here soon—” Suddenly, there is soft knocking on the door. You raise a brow because who else could it be?

You walk towards the front door and look through the peep hole and much to your surprise you see Holly and Trina waiting outside the door. You’re quick to open it with a wide smile on your face.

“I thought you didn’t want to come?” You ask, your question directed towards Trina.

“I…” her eyes slide to Holly, “…Had a change of heart.” She huffs out quietly.

“You’re going to be civil?” you smirk at your friend and she rolls her eyes at you.

“She’s going to be more than civil.” Holly pipes up, “She’s going to be nice.”

“Hey we never agreed to that!” Trina crosses her arms over her chest, “But whatever.”

“Thanks for coming T.” your smirk transitions into a soft smile. This means a lot to you, that Trina is trying to accept Jungkook.

“Well? Are you going to let us in or what?”

“Right, right.” You move to the side and let the girls through. They step inside and make their way towards the boys.

“Oh? You must be Mister Oatmeal Raisin!” Trina grins towards Yoongi, who stands here chatting with Hobi.

“You’re…let me guess, Trina? And you must be Holly?” he nods at both girls, “I’ve heard a lot about you two.”

“I hope good things?” Trina teases.

“Only the best.” Yoongi raises his glass to her and she turns her head to smirk at you.

You watch as everyone gets along, talking, laughing and having a good time—all except Vanessa. She is sitting on the sofa on her phone, tapping away. She doesn’t even try to converse with any of Jungkook’s friends? Strange. You hate her, technically. But you can’t help but feel bad? Like, why does she isolate herself so much? Does she really just have some social anxiety or something? There’s got to be a reason for her odd behavior.

“Hey.” You say, sitting on the sofa next to her. “You okay?”

“Hm?” Vanessa doesn’t look up from her phone as she barely acknowledges you.

“Why don’t you come hang out with the rest of us?”

Vanessa tilts her head to get a look at you and she blinks at you repeatedly.

“Why?” she finally asks. “I’m only here for Jungkook.”

Okay, ouch.

“Oh...well—”

“You never answered my question from earlier,” Vanessas coy smile begins growing on her face. “How you feel about Jungkook.”

You feel your palms get sweaty when you process her words. How the hell do you respond to that?

“I—I…” Then the front door is opening and you hear Jimin obnoxiously announce their arrival, that he has the birthday boy.

You immediately jump to your feet and rush towards the entrance of the apartment to greet your friends.

“Too bad you can’t admit it, “ Vanessa whispers, her eyes going back to her phone, “I could help you too.”

“JUNGKOOKIE!!!” Jin opens his arms wide, “Come and embrace me! It’s your birthday gift.” Jungkook stumbles in the apartment with wide eyes as he searches the living room. His eyes find yours and he smiles. He shows you his bunny grin and you can’t help but smile back. He looks breathtaking, Jimin didn’t play around picking Jungkook’s outfit. Ripped black jeans, chunky boots, a plaid shirt with a leather jacket—he looks hot as hell. Vanessa is a lucky girl, you think bitterly to yourself.

Jungkook greets his friends one by one until he sees Yoongi walk from the kitchen into the living room. Yoongi has refilled his wine glass and stops just in front of Jungkook and bows his head in greeting. You rush to the two boys, joining them in this awkward encounter.

“Oh, I invited Yoongi.” You begin to explain, “You remember Yoongi, right?” you ask Jungkook.

“Of course…” Jungkook tries smiling but it’s tense and strained. At this, Yoongi smirks.

Yoongi steps closer to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder and he smiles at Jungkook.

“I’m y/n’s plus one tonight—or I guess her…date?”

“D-Date?” You and Jungkook both stutter out.

Yoongi brings you in closer, nice and snug against his shoulder as he chuckles.

“Something like that.”

Jungkook tries releasing a breath but finds it to be troublesome. He looks at you with an expression you cannot really decipher, but he doesn’t look all too pleased.

“That’s nice.” He finally says, scratching the back of his neck.

“What’s nice?” It’s a smooth and silky voice. Vanessa. “Happy birthday babe.” She joins your circle next to Jungkook and places a kiss on his cheek.

“Right…” you butt in, “Happy birthday Jungkook.” You smile, still in Yoongi’s arms.

“What do you want to do first?” Vanessa links arms with Jungkook and you feel your body go tense. You don’t want her to touch him.

“Eat.” Jungkook laughs, “I’m so hungry.”

“Well, we have pizza for everyone.” You say loudly, getting the rest of everyone’s attention.

“You say pizza? Hell yeah.” Trina walks towards you four with Holly following behind her.

“Oh hey Trina…” Jungkook says, not entirely too sure how to talk to the girl that hates him.

“Hey Jungkook,” she says quickly with a smile, “So where’s the pizza?”

Jungkook and you share a look of pleasant surprise. Trina? Being nice?

The rest of the boys follow and you all head inside the kitchen to snag a few slices of pizza from the pizzeria that Jungkook is fond of. Vanessa stays close to Jungkook’s side, not that you are surprised. But what is surprising you is that Yoongi has suddenly become slightly more affectionate with you?

Yoongi takes any chance he can get to touch you in some way, whether it be picking a piece of thread off your shirt, or placing a wild strand of hair behind your ear. He doesn’t really strike you as the type to be so openly affectionate…at least not the one to initiate it.

But can picking a piece of thread off your shirt really be counted as affectionate? Maybe he’s just trying to help. What you don’t know though…Jungkook has picked up on too. He has watched as Yoongi smiles at you and you smile back, he has watched as Yoongi subtlety touches your arm when he talks to you and how your hand finds his shoulder when you laugh.

Jungkook sits on his couch, chowing down on a slice of pizza as he glares at you and Yoongi. He doesn’t mean to glare but why is he here? This is a small get together between close friends. How close have you and Yoongi gotten?

“And then bro, I was like no fucking way bro.” Alien bro talks animatedly, his hands motioning all around the place.

Nick stuffs another slice of pizza in his mouth, nodding along to Alien bro’s story.

“That is fucking wild.” You hear Trina pitch in, “Like, did that really happen to you?”

“It may have been a dream, but let me tell you…” Alien bro closes his eyes, “I think it was real, like a memory.”

You internally laugh, because this dude has got some wild fucking stories and you don’t know how to take him seriously. But everyone seems to be enjoying it.

“Let’s do cake!” You hear Jimin yell out, “I have such a sweet tooth right now.”

At this you see Vanessa actually light up, like she has been waiting all night for someone to mention the cake. You two agreed she could present it to Jungkook, maybe that’s why she’s so visibly excited.

“I’ll go get it…” She speaks up, “I’ll be right back.” She says, facing Jungkook. Vanessa stands from her spot next to Jungkook on the couch and heads towards the kitchen.

A few minutes pass by when you hear your name being called. You get up and walk to the kitchen when you see Vanessa with the cake in her hands, the candles already lit up.

“Can you turn off the lights?” she asks, “And you can start the Birthday song.”

You nod your head, walking back into the living room to switch the lights off.

“Okay, ready Jungkook?” you smile at him and he rolls his eyes with a smirk.

“I guess.” He says, amusement laced in his voice.

“Happy birthday to you!” you begin singing, the rest of the gang joins in and the living room is soon being filled with the sound of everyone’s voices singing Jungkook a happy birthday. You pull out your phone and begin recording, Vanessa walks in with the cake and she keeps her face neutral. She doesn’t even sing, wow. You can’t help but kind of laugh, that’s so in character for her.

“Happy birthday dear Juuuungkoook, Happy birthday to you!” You all finish up and start whooping and hollering.

“Make a wish.” Vanessa sets the cake down in front of him and Jungkook nods his head. He takes a deep breath before his eyes find yours. You guys share a brief moment before he’s blowing out his candles.

“What did you wish for?!” Hobi asks, excitement filling the room as everyone agrees that they want to know.

“Secret.” He says, still looking at you.

“Here,” Vanessa nudges a perfectly wrapped box in Jungkook’s hands, “Present.”

“You didn’t have to Vanessa.” Jungkook grins at her but he’s already unwrapping his gift, he throws the wrapping paper to the floor and takes a look at the cologne box.

“This is so expensive!” he whines, “But thank you!” He looks at you for a moment when he awkwardly pecks Vanessas lips in front of everyone.

“My turn!” Jimin shouts, “My turn, my turn!” he stands up and walks by the front door where he left the gift. He picks up the bag and walks back into the living room, standing in front of Jungkook, handing him the bag.

“You’ll love it.” Jimin wiggles his brows at the boy.

Jungkook wiggles his brows back as he opens up the bag and pulls out a black hoodie.

“Fuck yeah.” Jungkook stands up to hug Jimin, “This one is so soft.”

The rest of the gang gives Jungkook a gift one by one until all eyes are on you. Suddenly, you feel super fucking shy and lame that you got matching bracelets.

“Uh, I haven’t gotten anything for you yet…” you lie. “But I will soon, promise.”

Jungkook’s bunny smile begins to fade as he processes your words,

“No worries, y/n.” he smiles again, “You don’t have to get me anything.”

“It’s just a little late, is all.” You shift awkwardly from one foot to another. You wish you weren’t such an idiot. You notice Jimin staring at you from across the room, he looks disappointed.

“What about the bracelets y/n?” Vanessa’s voice can be heard by everyone. She looks at you with a blank expression and you never wanted to strangle someone more.

“What bracelets?” Jungkook’s curiosity showing.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. They’re friendship bracelets. Such a sweet idea.” Vanessa smiles at you.

“You got me and you friendship bracelets?” Jungkook stands up and walks to you, he extends his right hand out and waits expectantly.

“Thanks Vanessa.” You deadpan.

“No problem.”

“It’s really nothing Jungkook…”

“I want the damn bracelet y/n.”

You stare at him for a moment, his big doe eyes making you feel like you must give in.

“okay, they’re in my bag…” you turn around and search for your purse. You notice Yoongi trying to hand it you and you smile at him gratefully.

“Here.” You hand him his bracelet and he inspects it, rolling it through his fingers.

“Your initial?” Jungkook clenches the bracelet in his fist and looks up at you.

“I fucking love it.” He brings the bracelet to his heart, “I will wear it every day.”

“I have one too…” you pull it from your bag and dangle in around.

“It has a J?” Jungkook bunny smile grows ten times as wide. He takes the bracelet from your fingers and chuckles at the two bracelets.

“I love it.”

“I’m glad you like it—”

“No, love it. I love…” Then he’s clearing his throat, remembering he is in a room full of people.

“Thank you.”

“Oh! There’s one more thing…” you pull out the key chain and you watch as Jungkook’s face lights up. Of course he is more excited about the key chain, you laugh.

“Fucking awesome!” Jungkook takes it from you, “I’ll put it on my keys!”

“That’s the idea,” you chuckle. “Anyway, let’s play games now.”

You and Jungkook stand at the front of the living room, in front of the T.V in battle mode.

“You’re going down Jeon.” You snicker at him, he only rolls his eyes at you as he readies himself.

“I’m just glad I’m not going against Jimin.” Jungkook shoots Jimin a look and Jimin winks.

You two have to chug an entire beer can, trying to beat the other.

“Honestly, same.” You admit, if anyone can down a drink in seconds—it’s Jimin.

Trina stands up and joins your side,

“Okay, are we ready everyone?”

Everyone begins cheering, the sound motivating you and making you feel excited.

“Okay. When I yell…BAM…you start drinking and don’t stop until that can is empty…got it?”

“Yes, we know how to chug a drink, Trina.”

“Damn girl, I was just sayin’.” Trina throws a hand on her hip, “Okay, 3…2…1…BAM!”

You and Jungkook scramble to start drinking, the chilly liquid making its way down your throats. The drink is cold and carbonated and you’re trying to ignore the way it sizzles, instead pretending it’s as smooth as water and you down it back.

“Jungkook is going to win!” Namjoon yells out, he has risen to his feet, the excitement too much.

“No, y/n is! Look how much her head it tilting back!” You hear Jin chime in.

Truth is, you aren’t really sure how much you’ve drank, or how much is left! You’re just wanting it to be over!

“Holy shit, they’re both so close!”

“Broooooooo”

And right as you’re about to finish your drink you hear the sound of a can being crushed right next to you. He won.

“WHAT’S UP…LOSER!” Jungkook shakes his empty, crushed can in your face as you finally finish your own drink.

“Okay, okay. Literally only let you win because it’s your birthday.” You snide playfully.

“Sure y/n, sure.” Jungkook grins down at you, his laughter bounces off the walls and you feel so whole when you hear the sound. He leans forward until his arms are wrapped around you in a quick yet loving hug.

“Whatever you got to say to yourself…loser.” He chuckles out, letting go of you.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Your pout is so cute, Jungkook thinks.

Yoongi stands up, his gummy smile lighting up the room as he approaches you two. He stands next to you and asks if you’re alright.

“You’ve already had so much to drink, I’m just making sure you can make it back to the sofa.” Yoongi’s shoulders shake as he laughs.

“She can handle herself.” You hear Jungkook say in a somewhat serious tone, “She knows how to drink.” He tries to say a little more lightly.

“But she doesn’t really have to do the penalty, right?” Yoongi asks.

“No, I definitely do.” You laugh out, “Where’s the shot, huh?”

Jungkook gives you a silly looking smirk as he heads towards the kitchen to fetch you that shot. He’s only gone for a moment when you realize he has returned with the liquid of fire.

“For you, princess.”

You roll your eyes at his little nick name he’s given you but you cannot help the blush that creeps on your cheeks…

“Please…please.” You pant, rolling your hips into his as you meet his desperate thrusts.

“Please what, princess?” he breathes out heavily, “Told you that when you’re with—” He begins fucking into you faster, “When you’re with me…to use your words.” His pace is bruising, causing you to choke on the air around you.

The little nick name causing you to remember something you have tied burying.

“I think you should take one too, since it is your birthday after all.” You tease.

“But I’m the winner…” Jungkook pouts, his bottom lip jutting out so far.

“Come on, I bet you won’t.” Jimin pipes in.

“Yeah dude.” You hear Nick say.

“FINE!” Jungkook throws his hands up in defeat, “But you have to go pour it for me.” He says, looking at you.

“Done deal, baby.”

“Pour me one too.” Vanessa walks up to you, her strap on her shoulder sliding down.

“Oh?” you ask, but you nod your head in approval and head towards the kitchen to pour two more shots.

You return with the shots, but feel your stomach drop when you see Jungkook and Vanessa laughing together, her hand laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Oh!” Jungkook looks at you and smiles, “The shots!”

“Yeah…”

And then Min Yoongi is at your side with his own shot, he looks at you and gives you a sweet smile and eyes full of understanding.

“Let’s take them.” He says. His hand going to yours, he squeezes it tight and you feel yourself trying to breathe.

“Here you go.” You hand the two shots to Jungkook and Vanessa, they take them and you four look at one another before raising your glasses.

“Happy birthday, Jungkook.” You whisper, taking the shot.

Hours pass, and things are starting to wind down, you think. Jin, Namjoon and Hobi are at the front door saying their goodbyes and you feel your time is coming soon too.

“Us too.” Trina says, “Our uber is almost here.” Her and Holly gather their things and make their way out the door.

“Jimin, you coming with us?” Trina asks.

“Um, what about you y/n?” Jimin makes it to your side, his hand going to rub your shoulder.

“You guys go without me, I’m going to help clean up. Hostess duties!” You salute towards your friends and they giggle.

“Okay babe, I’ll see you soon?” Jimin goes in for a tight hug and you hug him back even tighter.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll help you clean up.” Yoongi offers, but you shake your head.

“No, I couldn’t ask that. Me and Vanessa got it. You go home too, it’s so late. I will come by to see you soon though.”

“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks as he catches Jungkook watching you two. “Well, if you insist y/n.” he inches towards you and to your surprise, you feel his lips leave a small kiss on your cheek. Yoongi smirks when he sees Jungkook react. Jungkook glares at the boy and Yoongi feels like hopefully he helped enough tonight.

“What was that for?” you feel yourself turn red.

“Nothing.” He whispers before he’s turning around and walking out of the door.

You are left here shocked and confused but you cannot help but smile at Yoongi’s small gesture. He really is too sweet.

“Well,” you turn around to face Jungkook and Vanessa, “Let’s clean up,” you say to Vanessa, “And then I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Actually,” Vanessa curls her lips upwards, “I am feeling quite tired.” Her eyes find yours, “So maybe Jungkook can help you clean up.”

“You’re going home already?” Jungkook looks confused. He was probably expecting birthday sex or some shit.

“Mhm.” She breathes out easily, “See you later babe.” She leans over and pecks his cheek, you immediately twist your head to look away. Vanessa notices and she fucking smiles that sly ass smile. “See you later, y/n.”

And with that she is out of the apartment, leaving just you and Jungkook and Nick and Alien Bro.

“We will be out on the balcony smoking, if you guys want to join.” Nick offers to you, but you’re shaking your head no.

“Nah, you guys enjoy.” Jungkook says. Nick and Alien bro (You really got to learn this dudes name) are opening the back door and leaving you guys for the balcony.

“And then there was two.” Jungkook jokes, he chews on his lips as he watches you begin the cleaning up process. You get a large black trash bag and start throwing away the empty beer bottles and other trash around the living room and kitchen.

“Help me clean, birthday boy.”

Jungkook grins at you and starts helping, he’s gathering the shot glasses and setting them in the kitchen sink. You two work like this for around 10-15 minutes when the place is finally looking like his apartment again.

“Well, I guess that’s it.” You set the last trash bag in the kitchen, “You and Nick can take these out later, right?” “Yes, y/n. You did enough, I swear.” Jungkook smiles at you. “Hey, where’s your bracelet?” he dangles his wrist around, showing you his.

“Oh…” You dig around in your pockets until you finally find the piece of jewelry.

“Let me.” Jungkook stands closer to you, reaching his hand out, expecting you to hand over the bracelet. You place it in his hand and he grabs your wrist and clips the bracelet on.

“There.” He breathes out, “Never take it off.” He half jokes.

“You really like it?”

“I really love it.” Jungkook pulls you in for a hug, but he’s letting go much faster than you would like.

“Wanna chill for a bit?” He asks you, his hands still on your arms from your hug that you just shared.

“For a bit, sure.”

You two walk to the living room sofa and plop down, the long day finally catching up to you. It’s around 1 am now, you’ve been running around all day.

“So…” Jungkook looks at you with an unreadable expression, “What’s going on with you and this Yoongi guy?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was tonight like, a date for you two?”

“What? No?”

“Really? Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.”

“He was just joking…I think.” You groan into your hands, and laugh. “Why?”

“I was just wondering.” He turns to face forward, his face hardening as he thinks. “Is he going to be like, your boyfriend?”

“What?!” you choke on your spit, “Yoongi is my friend.”

“Does he know that?” Jungkook continues to look forward, “He was all over you.”

“He definitely was not all over me. Oh my god. What are you getting so crazy for?”

Crazy. That’s the word you use, but he knows you mean jealous. Jungkook sits here, biting on his bottom lip. He has to admit, he doesn’t like this ‘crazy’ feeling. He feels like he’s suffocating just remembering you with Yoongi tonight. He has no right to feel crazy or jealous. He has a girlfriend for fucks sake!

“I just hope he’s treating you right.”

“He’s just a friend Jungkook. But you know what? And if he was trying to date me?”

Jungkook feels his chest tighten, not liking the idea already.

“Then like I said, I hope he’s treating you right.” He says more softly, turning to look at you again.

“Did you enjoy your birthday?”

“It was nice, thank you.”

“What’s your favorite birthday in your life so far?”

Jungkook tilts his head as he thinks, rocking it side to side. He folds his arms behind his head and lets out a long breath.

“There’s two I can think of.” He says, “When I was 10 all I wanted to do was see one of those drive thru zoo things. But I wasn’t expecting much because I guess birthdays and holidays were stressful for my parents…” he takes a deep breath, “they always fought so much and so I didn’t think we would be doing anything for my birthday at all. But they for once, they got along this day. They took me to the zoo and I just remember being so on edge like something may go wrong…but it never did, it was a perfect day.”

“I bet 10 year old Jungkook was so cute.”

“I was the cutest!”

“And what’s the second?”

“Sophomore year of college.” He states quickly making you choke on air. Really? That birthday of all birthdays?

“Jungkook, there has to be a better one than that…” you begin, “We literally didn’t even do anything.”

It seemed everyone happened to become busy the day of Jungkook’s birthday, everyone except you. You and Jungkook spent the day just the two of you in his dorm room watching movies and playing video games. You didn’t even buy him a present, much too broke!

“That day meant a lot to me.” Jungkook explains, “You didn’t leave my side, no matter what.”

“Well, you were my best friend.”

“And now?” Jungkook turns his head to face you, “Am I your best friend now?”

“Jungkook…” you caress his thigh, “Of course.”

Jungkook throws his head back as he smiles that bunny smile and you can’t help but giggle.

“Were you worried?”

“So worried.” He continues to laugh, “You’re my best friend too.”

~~~~~

October

“I don’t know guys!” you whine, bringing the cup of coffee in for a sip. “Marketing…can someone even be passionate about that?”

“What did I say y/n? You’re so concerned if you’re passionate or not, why don’t you start off small—finding something you just like.” Yoongi offers his piece of advice but you groan.

“What do you think Tae?” you point your head in his direction, “Wait, I am asking one of the most passionate people I know.” You complain.

“I agree with Yoongi, y/n.” Taehyung says, he drinks his water in gulps.

“Of course, who wouldn’t agree with Yoongi?” You hit your head on the table a few times.

You three are seated in Yoongi’s record shop in the cozy corner of the store, discussing the burden of dreams.

“I mean, guys.” You begin, “I don’t want to be making cookies forever.”

“But I really like them.” Yoongi whispers.

“Me too,” Taehyung says as he shoves a sugar cookie down his throat. “So good.”

“Guys, you aren’t helping.”

“Honestly y/n…” Yoongi stands from his seat to get some more coffee, “Stop trying to force a dream to happen. It will come to you naturally, just trust in that.”

“You make it sound so easy.” You hand Taehyung another cookie and he takes it with a grin.

“So y/n…” Taehyung swallows down the last bits of the cookie before he’s turning to face you in his chair, “How was Jungkook’s birthday, I forgot to ask.”

“It went really well actually.”

“Why do you say ‘actually’?” Taehyung laughs, “Were you expecting it to go bad?”

“It’s not that…I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Is it because of Vanessa?” Yoongi comes back with two fresh coffees.

“Maybe.”

“That’s his girlfriend, right? I just don’t get it. Should we come up with an evil plan to break them up?” Taehyung snickers.

“Tae, chill.” You giggle.

“I’m joking but I am also totally serious.” He comments. “Anyway guys, I gotta head back to the museum. But same time next week?”

“You know it.” You blow on your hot coffee, waving him goodbye.

The last few weeks the three of you meet up for coffee (Tae usually brings his own drink of choice, says coffee is too bitter for him) and chit chat just like now. It’s an interesting group but you feel comfortable. After time has passed, forgiving and moving on from Taehyung’s crushing you has gotten easier and now you even find his friendship to be quite valuable. You guess they weren’t kidding when they say time heals all wounds.

“Are you two ever going to tell me what happened between you? You were so tense when he first started hanging out.” Yoongi says, observant as usual.

“I will. But another day,” you smile.

“No rush.” Yoongi drinks his coffee slowly, “Whenever you’re ready.”

“By the way, did it work?” Yoongi asks between sips.

You can’t help but raise your brows in question,

“Did what work?”

“Did Jungkook say anything? About being jealous?” He gives you a smirk.

“What are you talk—wait, were you purposely trying to be affectionate with me to see if Jungkook would get a rise out of it?” You ask, completely shocked. That seems almost out of character for Yoongi!

“I tried. I’m a little awkward being the first to show affection, “ he admits, “But for you, my friend, I was willing to try.” He gives you a shy smile and you feel your heart race.

“Yoongi—”

“You really don’t even have to answer because I know the truth. I could see it on his face, but I was curious if he said anything to you.”

You think back to Jungkook’s birthday and well…he technically did say something to you. He was being a little crazy (jealous) but you cannot understand why. Jungkook is your friend and not to mention he has a girlfriend.

“Sorry to disappoint Yoongs, but he did not.” You decide to say.

“Did you know you avoid all eye contact when you want to lie.” Yoongi takes another sip of his coffee, his sly smile telling you he knows the truth.

“Jeez, why do you pick up on things so quickly?!” you groan, “I can’t even tell one little nothing lie in front of you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t try to lie to me then.” He laughs. “So what did he say?”

“He just—I don’t know. He just…wanted to know what was up with you basically.”

Yoongi opens his mouth to say ‘Ah’ and then continues to drink his coffee.

“He’s not going to be rude to you or anything!” you quickly say, “he’s just a little protective over me, is all.”

“Oh? That’s all?” Yoongi teases.

“Hey…” you set your cup down and fold your hands in your lap, “What makes you think Jungkook feels the same way?”

Yoongi breathes out slowly, his fingers tapping against his mug when he looks up at you and smiles.

“There’s an obvious tension between you two, “ he starts, “The way he looks at you. That honestly gave everything away. His eyes always find you, no matter what.” Yoongi quietly chuckles, “The way he’s threatened by me. He doesn’t even try to hide it.” Yoongi thinks for a moment, “And…you two, the way you are together…god, it’s like watching two people who are in a relationship but don’t know they’re in a relationship.”

“What—what do you mean by that?” you pry further. Curious about your own dynamic with Jungkook that maybe even you can’t see.

“I don’t know like, you guys act like boyfriend and girlfriend already!” he laughs, “That’s when I knew I didn’t stand a chance.”

“Yoongi…”

“It’s okay,” his gummy smile lights up his whole face, “being your friend has been so much more rewarding.”

You feel yourself smile at his words…although, you do feel bad. But keeping a friend like Yoongi around has been amazing. And maybe if you weren’t already in love with someone else…no, you shouldn’t even think that, that’s not fair.

“Thanks Yoongs.”

~~~~~~

“We need to talk.”

Jimin is shoving his way through Jungkook’s front door, his hair pushed back in frustration like his fingers have been running through it for hours.

“Jesus man, it’s like 8 in the fucking morning.” Jungkook’s low, groggy voice booms from his chest.

“This couldn’t wait. I have to be at work at 9 and I’ve been up all night with the same one thing on my mind.” Jimin takes off his shoes and makes his way to the couch.

“And what’s that?” Jungkook asks, clearly annoyed.

“You need to tell y/n how you feel.” Jimin decides to go with the straight forward approach, he does not have the time to beat around the bush today.

Jungkook closes the door and swings around to face Jimin,

“Huh?”

“Listen man, I’ve been racking my brain about it all fucking night. It’s got to be you. You have to do it, she won’t.”

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Grow the fucking balls, man!” Jimin sits back on the sofa, his head falling into the cushion.

“Look dude, I don’t know what you—”

“You’re in love with her, you have been since freshmen year. You guys fucked, I know. She didn’t talk to you for however long, I know that too. But come on man, it’s so clear how you both feel.”

Jungkook continues to stand here, not knowing what to say. Where is all this coming from?

“I have a girlfriend, Jimin.”

“Oh please, give me a fucking break.” Jimin stands up, walking towards Jungkook. “There is almost zero chemistry between you two. Like emotional chemistry…I don’t know what your sex life is like…” Jimin holds up a hand, “And I don’t want to know.”

“Wasn’t going to tell you anyway,” Jungkook pouts. “Listen, how can you be so sure y/n would even feel the same way?”

“Can’t you just fucking trust me?” Jimin yells out, exasperated.

“Did she say the words Jimin?” Jungkook becomes very serious, making Jimin shudder. “Did she tell you she has feelings for me?” his dark eyes pierce into Jimin’s.

Jimin looks down at the ground, feeling defeated.

“You know I can’t tell you that.” Jimin finally says, “You just have to have the courage man. Are you really going to go your whole life not telling her? Why torture yourself like that?”

Jungkook stands here feeling so lost, and fucking emotional. Like, he could god damn cry about it.

“Because,” Jungkook sniffles into his sleeve. “It’s guaranteed she would be in my life. I can’t risk losing her. I couldn’t handle that man…” Jungkook begins to choke up.

Jimin walks closer to Jungkook and pulls him in for a tight hug, Jungkook keeps his arms to his side.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jimin whispers.

“I think though…that there will be a moment where you finally have the courage…”

“I don’t know.”

“You will, Jungkook. When the timing is right…but I don’t know when that is for you two.”

“I really do love her…” Jungkook allows a few tears to slip from his closed eyes into Jimin’s shoulder. “I’m so frustrated like, all the time.” He admits, “Seeing her, talking to her, I just want to tell her how I feel. I hate how hard I have to try just to stay in the zone of friendship. But you don’t understand the risk…” Jungkook leans back, pulling away from Jimin. “If she doesn’t feel the same, I could lose her.” His puffy eyes avoid Jimin. “Can I handle a loss like that again?”

“But she…” Jimin has to bite his tongue…seeing his two best friends like this hurts his heart beyond belief.

“Yeah, I understand.” Jimin decides to say, “But I think you might be surprised.”

Jungkook pulls his brows together, his face scrunching up and he scoffs.

“Maybe, but maybe not.”

“I’m sorry to bring this all on you so early in the morning…I’ve just been so worried about you two…” Jimin starts to put his shoes back on.

“Maybe you could stay until you really need to leave for work? You still go like 45 minutes, right?” Jungkook practically begs with sad, soft eyes.

“Sure.” Jimin takes his shoes back off and grabs a hold of Jungkook’s shoulder, “Let’s sit down for a while.”

The two boys head to the couch and take a seat, leaving little space between them. Jungkook needs the presence of another human being right now, he needs to feel real live warmth. Jimin wishes he could mend Jungkook’s cracked heart but he knows only you can do that. But Jimin can try his best. The two sit in comfortable silence, the only sound that can be heard is Jungkook’s light sniffling and Jimin humming a soft tune.

“It’s almost 9.” Jimin mentions regretfully.

“I know. Thanks for staying for a bit.”

“Of course.” Jimin rises from the couch, “You guys are my best friends but you two sure are fucking idiots.” He smiles and makes his way to leave.

~~~~~~

Bored. So fucking bored. Trina and Holly went out for dinner tonight and you were not invited! You kind of wonder what’s going on between them…but that’s a thought for another day, right now you are so fucking bored.

It’s Friday night and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Jimin has some party he’s going to tonight but you didn’t really feel like going so you rejected his invitation, Jin and the guy’s invited you over for a cookout but you said no because you didn’t feel like driving all the way to Jin’s place—you know, lazy.

And you haven’t heard from Jungkook all day so he’s probably tired from work or worse—with Vanessa. But would it hurt to try? To see what he’s up to?

y/n 9:04pm

hi

Jungkook 9:10pm

Hi

y/n 9:12pm

Whatcha up to tonight?

Jungkook 9:13pm

Nothing really, you?

y/n 9:13pm

nothing either…

y/n 9:13pm

Wanna have a movie night with some wine?

Jungkook 9:20pm

Sure:)

Jungkook 9:23pm

Lemme guess, I have to bring the wine

y/n 9:23pm

Bingo!

Jungkook 9:50pm

I’m almost there

Not even 5 minutes later you hear your door being knocked on, and you yell a ‘come in’. Jungkook pushes the door open and finds you sitting on the couch wrapped up in your favorite blanket. He shuts the door behind him, and walks to the kitchen for some wine glasses. You two only nod at one another in greeting, getting comfortable in each others presence.

“I brought 2 bottles,” Jungkook says, “One for you, one for me.”

“Wow, you’re so smart.” You smile up at him and his heart clenches in his chest. Your smile is so special, it’s so soft and so fucking pretty he almost cannot handle it.

“Y-Yeah.” He sets the glasses down on the table that sits in front of the sofa. “What movie do you have in mind?”

“You can choose.”

“Iron Man?” “No, not that.”

“Fine.” He pouts, “Let’s find something new on Netflix.”

An hour into some random drama, you find yourself getting sleepy.

“Wakey wakey.” You feel Jungkook’s breath on your ear, you open your eyes a little wider to prove your consciousness.

“I am awake…hey,” you suddenly get an idea, “Remember a little while ago you said you felt like our friendship kind of started over?”

“Hm? Yeah?”

“Would if we do?”

“I don’t get it?” Jungkook asks clearly confused.

“Let’s play a game! Of getting to know each other better. Everything out on the table.” You say with a pleased smile, obviously loving your own idea.

“hmmmmm…” Jungkook wraps his blanket closer around his body, “Sure.”

“Yay! I’ll pull out a list of questions from the internet.” You get your phone and google a list of questions. “You ready?” you say with a wink.

“I guess so.” He playfully shrugs his shoulders and shows you a small smile.

“Okay one…What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?”

“hmm…sleeping in, working out, playing video games, making videos, sleeping some more, hanging out with you.”

“Wow, honored.” You tease. “For me, it’s sleeping all day.”

“That’s it? That’s your whole answer?” Jungkook giggles.

“What type of music are into to?”

“y/n…” Jungkook whines, “You already know these answers…”

“We’re pretending we don’t!”

“Fine, I like almost all genres but I really prefer ballads.”

“I like music with meaningful lyrics,” you say.

“I agree.” Jungkook grins at you.

“Next…Do you have a favorite holiday. Why or why not?”

Jungkook nibbles on his lips as he thinks…is he honest?

“I use to hate holidays.” He admits softly, slightly slurring thanks to the wine, “But now it’s Christmas and New Year’s. And why? Both reasons are because of you.”

You feel your cheeks become warmer and probably pinker.

“Mine too.” You say quickly, “Next,” you are in a rush to change the subject. “Do you want a family of your own?”

“One day, yes. With the right person…”

“I’m the same.” You scroll through the questions, “If you had only one sense…hearing, touch, sight, etc, which would you want?”

“Touch. Imagine not being able to feel things?” Jungkook asks, he thinks about not being able to feel the soft touch of sheets on a bed, the feel of your hair between his fingers, your skin, your lips—wait, he needs to chill. “Yeah, touch.”

“Really? I would choose sight.” You say, “Who do you admire most in this world?”

“Mom.” Jungkook whispers, “She was so strong, she went through so much yet still found the strength to love me.”

“You.” Your hand finds Jungkook’s, you hold on to him softly, “My answer is you.”

“y/n…” Jungkook leans into your side, “Thank you.”

You clear you throat and continue scrolling through your phone, looking for the next question.

“If you found out today is your last day on Earth, what would you do?”

“Exactly what I’m doing right now.”

“Honestly? Me too.” You whisper, you feel your heart beginning to race as you and Jungkook admit that if it were your last day, you would spend it together. Somehow the thought almost seems romantic to you…that’s obviously your imagination but you can dream.

“What’s the last thing you do at night?”

Jungkook wiggles his brows at you and you hit his arm, laughing.

“Gross.” You giggle. “Something besides that.”

“What? You think it’s gross to mast—”

“Don’t!” you yell out laughing. “Don’t be gross.”

“Everyone does it y/n…I bet even you.” Jungkook voice goes low. “in fact, I have a question for you.” Jungkook scoots closer to you, “When was the last time you got yourself off?” your eyes go wide, “It’s not like you’re seeing anyone…unless you and Yoon—”

“No!” You begin to panic, “I’m not seeing anyone, you’re right.”

Jungkook releases a long breath and he smiles, “Thought so.” Then he’s scooting even closer to you.

“How do you touch yourself y/n?” He slurs out, “With your fingers only? Perhaps you use a vibrator?”

You push your head back in shock, there’s no way in hell Jungkook just asked you that? Is he drunk? Barely.

“Why do you want to know that?” you scoot a little closer to him too.

“Best friends know this type of stuff about each other all the time, don’t they?”

“Not really…but I’ll play. I use both.”

Jungkook raises a brow in amusement, he bites on his bottom lip as his smirks at you.

“You own a vibrator?” Jungkook chuckles darkly, “How come I didn’t know?”

“Why would I tell you that?”

“I bet Jimin knows.”

“Fine, he does.”

Jungkook narrows his eyes at you as he tries to hold in his slight laughter, his hand comes to his mouth and he chuckles into it.

“Thought so…when’s the last time you used it?”

“Last night before bed.”

“So, it’s the last thing you did at night?” Jungkook points his finger at you knowingly and you can’t help but laugh.

“Okay, I see where this is going. Fine, I get. We all masturbate. It’s completely normal and not gross and a totally valid answer for something you do before bed.” You throw your hands up as you giggle.

“Thank you.” Jungkook knees touch yours as he scoots just an inch closer, “But I wasn’t trying to make a point, I was genuinely curious about you.” He admits in a deep voice and you squeeze your thighs together, an action that does not go unnoticed by him. His eyes land to your lap and he chuckles. His voice is so low and inviting as he speaks, “Are you curious about me too?”

“What do you mean?”

“About when’s the last time I—”

“Fine, when’s the last time?” you ask lightly.

“Right before I came here.” He admits easily.

“Interesting.”

You and Jungkook stare at one another for what feels like at least an hour but in reality probably seconds. But his dark gaze is so raw and powerful, you find yourself leaning into his space.

“The last time I used my vibrator was yes, last night. But the last time I touched myself was tonight. Before you arrived.”

Jungkook nods his head in understanding, or maybe it’s approval? Either way he nods his head as a sly smile creeps on his lips.

“Can I ask you what you thought about?” Even Jungkook widens his eyes in surprise as he asks that. Where did that confidence come from? “Sorry that’s TMI.” He quickly rushes to say, not wanting to really hear your answer because he shouldn’t know what you fantasize about especially if he’s not in said fantasies.

You lean your head back and snicker. You wish you had the fucking courage to tell him the truth. Him. You thought about him.

In your fantasy his head was between your legs, licking you up and making you squirm. He would moan into your greedy cunt, basking in your juices. God, you can just picture it now. His mouth and nose covered in you, the shine on his face evidence of how well he’s eaten you. His fingers still buried inside you as he lifts his head up to smirk down at you, his hair a fucking mess from how much you have tugged on it.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t thinking about it right now and getting so heavily turned on. Your chest heaves just a little more than usual, and there’s an ache between your legs that you wish Jungkook would soothe. Your fantasy of him going down on you? You took that straight from your memories.

“Not going to say anything?” Jungkook leans in a little closer.

“Sorry, just thinking.”

“About…?”

“You.”

Jungkook’s eyes expand as he processes what you just say until—

“Wait, wait. That came out wrong.” Your hands scramble to hold on to his shoulders. “I mean, I was thinking about you. But not like that.” You lie. Because you have to lie.

“Oh…right, that makes sense.” Jungkook visibly deflates at your confession.

“Anyway, yeah. That’s a TMI for sure.” You laugh awkwardly and Jungkook leans back away from you.

“For sure.” Jungkook leans back on the sofa, “So, what’s the next question?”

“Ever had a threesome?” you ask from your own brain.

“You already know I have.”

“With two girls or with another guy…?”

“Two girls.”

“Would you ever with another guy?”

“Maybe if it’s with a girl that doesn’t mean something to me…but if it’s with someone I care about, probably not. I think I may be too possessive. Don’t wanna share.”

“Ah, I see.”

“What about you?”

“I would do both.” You admit. “Sounds like fun…”

“It is fun,” Jungkook laughs, “But there’s something special about just being with one person, if it’s special…”

“Have you ever had sex with someone special?”

“Yes.”

Oh. Jungkook’s never been in a serious relationship since you’ve known him so you weren’t expecting him to answer that with a yes…but he is with Vanessa now. So obviously…

“I see.”

“What’s the next question?”

“I’m looking up a new list. It’s kind of sexy, is that okay?”

“A list of dirty questions? I’m down.” Jungkook smirks and you feel the heat between your legs grow.

“Okay the first one is asking if you’re a virgin and I think the whole town knows the answer to that…”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”

You laugh out, “Nothing, nothing.” Then continue scrolling, “Okay, opinion on shower sex?”

“Hmm, I’ve done, and I will do it again.”

“For me, it’s a little uncomfortable but I’ll do it,” you say, “boob or butt guy?”

“Fuck. Both of them, can I say both?” Jungkook pleads and you giggle.

“Sure, both.” Your eyes light up when you find the next question. “Oooh. What is your most embarrassing sex story?”

“Oh god…okay. When I was in high school I was getting head from this girl…”

“Uh huh…and then?”

“We got caught by our teacher and that’s a total mood killer right?”

“Right?”

“Well, when the teacher was scolding me I popped another boner. And I was wearing sweats so it was super obvious and she was trying so hard not to make it obvious. But I don’t know, my body betrayed me.”

“You got hard from getting scolded?”

“Apparently.”

You burst out into giggles, the story absolutely killing you. Who does that? Who pops a boner from getting scolded…by their fucking teacher?

“Your turn, your turn.”

“Okay…one time I was giving head…”

“Uh huh…and then?” he copies you.

“And I guess I swallowed his cum too fast because it shot out of my nose like milk.”

“What the fuck y/n.” Jungkook laughs out hysterically. “That’s so awesome.”

“It wasn’t awesome Jungkook, it was embarrassing.”

“Perspective.”

“In what world is someone’s perspective on this awesome?” “Mine.”

“Well, you’re fucking weird.

“Maybe so.” Jungkook continues to laugh, “What’s next?”

“Do you prefer to give or receive?”

“Who doesn’t love to receive? That’s obvious. But me? I am a giver, 100%”

And he’s right. Hence why you’re able to use the memory of him going down on you as good masturbation material.

“I see.”

“I think I am a giver too.” You look down at your phone, “But who doesn’t love to receive?”

“You do give nicely.” Jungkook whispers, “Anyway what’s the next one?”

“Do you like sexting?”

“Fucking love it. I love the dirty words and pictures.” He admits.

“Yeah, me too.”

What would it be like to be texting Jungkook throughout the work day, sending one another your dirtiest fantasies and pictures to go along with it.

“I’ll read the next one now…If I came home from work stressed, how you do you relax me?” your eyes go wide when you realize, “Wait, pretends it’s asking about someone else. So a girl you’re with comes home from work stressed, how do you relax her?”

Jungkook is quiet for a few moments, he chews on his bottom lip and breathes out heavily.

“How would I relax you? I mean, some girl?”

“Y-Yes.”

“First, I would kiss you breathless.”

“You mean her.”

“Right. I would kiss her lips over and over, taking off one article of clothing at a time, sit her down on the couch while I make my way into the kitchen…pour her a glass of her favorite wine and hand it to her. Then I would kiss down her body, telling her sweet words. How much I love her, how much I missed her today, how much she means to me. I will kiss down until I am taking off her pants along with her underwear…” “And then?” you breathe out.

“Kiss her sweet, soft skin…taste her. Taste how fucking good she tastes. Eat her out while she sips on her wine…”

“Oh nice.” You laugh a little.

“Make her come all over my tongue, getting her drunk on her orgasm.”

“And her wine.” You point out.

“Yes, both. After she comes, I will kiss back up her body and hold her.” Jungkook releases short breath after the other. “Make her feel wanted.”

“That does sound relaxing…”

“You like?”

“Yes.”

“Then maybe—”

“Next question is ‘What turns you on almost instantly?”

“Dirty talk.”

“I see.”

“What—”

“You have to answer too, remember?”

“My stomach being touched.” You admit. “How do you feel about toys?”

“Not against them, could be fun to try out.”

“I agree…how do you feel about blindfolds?”

“You answer first.” Jungkook says shyly.

“I’m into it.”

“Being blinded? Or blinding someone?”

“Both? Yes, both.”

“Fuck, me too.” He folds his arms behind him as he leans back further into the sofa.

“Both for you too?”

“Yes. It would be boring if I was only into one thing right?”

You laugh, “Yes, I think we think similarly.”

“Interesting.”

“Very.” You smile at him and he smirks, “Would you like to watch me touch myself?”

“Yes—”

“—Wait, like your partner, not me.” You both say at the same time.

“Oh, well yes.” Jungkook says again. “Watching your fingers travel down to your pussy, rubbing your clit…well, not you but you get my point.” He says, his breathing becoming heavy again.

“Oh. I would also like to watch you.”

“But not me.”

“Exactly.”

“Spit or swallow?”

“I like a girl who swallows.”

“I like to swallow most times and if I don’t swallow it’s because I’m letting the guy come on my face or my tits or—”

“God damn it, y/n.” Jungkook breathes out erratically. His hand goes to his crotch as he tries to hide his growing member.

“Rough or sensual?”

“Fuck. Both, definitely both.”

“I agree. Why not both all the time?” you squeeze your thighs together again as you watch Jungkook shift uncomfortably in his seat on the couch.

“Would you let me pleasure you as you drive? I mean, your partner. Sorry it’s just the way the questions read…”

“Yes. I would.”

“Seems a bit unsafe…but I would give it a try.” You say, “Do you like your hair to be pulled?” you ask with a smirk, already knowing the answer.

“Fucking love it.” He admits between heavy breaths, “But I like to pull hair too.” He winks.

“I do too, but I prefer being the one pulling.” You wink back. “Are you quiet during sex?”

“I—I don’t know…Am I?” Jungkook looks into your eyes, and you blank. Is he actually referring to the time you two had sex? Without him getting weird? “You aren’t the quietest.” You admit, “But it’s so fucking hot.”

“Well, you definitely aren’t quiet.” He says, “Can barely touch you and you’re already whimpering out.”

“Depends who the guy is.”

“Well, when it’s with me…sorry, I shouldn’t bring that up.”

“Right…” your fingers find their way into Jungkook’s hair, “But why not?”

“y/n…” he warns and you chuckle.

“What?” you decide to play innocent. “It was so long ago, Jungkook. We should be able to talk about it by now.”

But Jungkook can’t. Because although it’s almost been 4 years, it’s still so fresh for him. Not just the feeling of being inside you but the emotional shit he was feeling too.

“I’ll tell you one thing and one thing only about that night,” Jungkook decides to say, his hand goes to yours and gently places it back in your lap. “It felt so fucking good.” He whispers out and you feel all the heat in your body rush to your aching pussy.

“Oh.” You breathe out erratically. “I guess, I would have to agree.”

“Should we sleep soon?” Jungkook leans back as he asks you this.

“Don’t you want me to share one thing about that night?”

“…Sure.”

“You…felt so…good…inside me…” you say between deep breaths.

“You felt even better, y/n.”

It’s Saturday morning, and you find yourself waking up on the couch, a big blanket draped around your body and you can’t help but snuggle into it, not wanting to get up quite yet.

On the other side of the couch is a still sleeping Jungkook, his light snores filling your ears. You two didn’t even finish your wine last night, so you are waking up hang over free. The sun is shining today, it’s rays peeking through your window blinds and you want to throw the blanket over your head to hide yourself from the brightness but you decide to actually wake up and get up instead.

You throw the blanket off your body and on to Jungkook, who gratefully takes it and cuddles deeper into the covers. You stand up and head towards the bathroom to wash up, turning on a hot shower.

You wonder what you’ll be up to today, will you stay in? Go out? Hang with the girls? By the way, did they ever come home last night? You stop by Holly’s room to find it empty. Interesting, you guess they went to Trina’s.

The shower is ready for you so you slip in and let the warm water cascade over your tired body. You shampoo, condition and wash your body, when you hear insistent knowing on the bathroom door.

“y/n!!! I gotta pee!!” Jungkook’s worried voice is heard over the running water, “That’s it, I’m coming in okay?!”

And before you can respond, you hear the door being swung open and Jungkook lifting the toilet seat lid up and releasing himself. You fucking laugh. He literally says ‘Aaahhh’ for the same amount of time he is peeing.

“Fucking finally, I thought I was going to piss myself.” He says when he’s finishing up.

“Sorry.” You reply lamely. “Shower felt too good to leave.”

“Well, hurry up so we can go get something to eat. I’m so hungry!”

“Okay, okay.” And with that, Jungkook is leaving the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

You finish washing up, stepping out of the shower and drying off. You quickly leave the bathroom in just your towel to head to your bedroom. Thankfully, Jungkook is on the couch watching some show on Netflix—too busy to notice your half naked state.

You get dressed in a rush, not wanting Jungkook to wait much longer for you. You settle for some jeans and a cute yellow shirt.

“I like yellow on you.” Jungkook says when he sees you. “Pretty.”

You are sure your cheeks are turning a nice shade of red at his compliment but you cover them with your hands to hide yourself.

“Thanks JK.”

[scott-mccall-the-hot-girl]

my ultimate guide to thiam fic !!

( as a new teen wolf stan )

-

the classic post war, long ass (multi chapter) fic !!with great development that genuinely made me laugh out loud, they have the best friendship in this & i love it very much. ( like theo teaches liam to drive and i just *happy sobs* ) a fundamental in thiam fanfiction !! all stans have probably already read it but if you haven’t this is in fact a threat ,, go show this vv iconic story some love !!

Airplanes - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: After the Anuk-ite and the hunters are dealt with Liam needs a break. Cue Theo and a road trip that Liam should know better than to think will be peaceful.

Not Rated, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, 43/43 Chapters, Words: 236,875 (236k)

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okay okay so this one is also post 6B !! but ,, now we introduce fighting monroe & the hunters again ,, so we get the boys & a new mission !! so if you like an intresting plot 11/10 would recommend !! just to be clear this ISN’T complete ,, if that turns you off i understand but definitely give this one a read !! it litterally have theo doing crossword puzzles & fighting zombies

Vacancy Signs - LovelyLittleGrim

Summary: Theo and Liam are in Manhattan negotiating a pack allyship when the zombie apocalypse breaks out. Now, the two of them have to find their way back to Beacon Hills without getting eaten by zombies or killing one another.

Rated: Explicit, Graphic Description of Violence, Not Completed, 15/17 Chapters, Words: 89,605 (89k)

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Royalty AU !! I REPEAT ROYALTY AU !! a fantastic au where i stan their moms more than i stan them !! genuinely so good at the childhood rivals to lovers trope !! i’m genuinely obsessed with this one. has made me cry more than once ,, hurts in a good way <3 the ending is just *chefs kiss* also one of the tags is genuinely: # theo and liam make bad choices for over 130k straight !! if that doesn’t sound appealing i don’t know what does !!

Artificial Love - songbvrd

Summary: Prince Theo and Prince Liam are forced to spend every Summer together from age five onwards. They hate each other, and usually find ways to make each other miserable as much as possible in their six weeks together. But when they're reunited because of intended unions as adults, things change. They're both supposed to be married to noble women, but neither of them is as interested in anyone else as they are with their childhood rival.

Rated: Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, Chapters: 32/32, Words: 172,935 (172k)

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so if you are in the mood for a crack fic that’s not explicitally a crack fic this is for you !! okay so i’m really hit or miss with AU’s ,, sometimes i feel like they don’t quite capture the characters right but this story have the BEST dramatic liam i have ever seen in my life !! basically they all live in the same apartment building & it’s fantastic !! i saw this one floating around a lot but the summary didn’t really unrest me until i have it a shot !! so go read it rn !! also nolan & brett are genuinely fantastic and make me wheeze ,, LIKE ACTUALLY VERBALLY LAUGHING !! all i’m gonna say is that my fav characters are scott & the beetles but that won’t make actual sense until you read it !!

The Neighbors Song - TheodoreR

Summary: “I always hear you singing on your balcony every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?”

Or the one where Theo annoys Liam every morning with his awful singing until he doesn’t anymore and Liam is even more annoyed. Liam hates every single thing about his mornings -the fact that they happen in the morning alone is enough. The thing Liam hates the most about his mornings though is the terrible voice of the guy who lives below him. He can’t sing for shit and Liam tried to politely let him understand that by throwing flour and water on his balcony, and also by shouting it to him, you can’t sing for shit!, and then by writing it into a note he proceeded to attach to his door, but this Raeken guy just keeps doing it, every single morning, like a fucking rooster. Liam did nothing to deserve this. He probably didn’t do anything to deserve better either to be fair, he doesn’t expect to open his window and be welcomed by some angelic voice singing him good morning, he’d just be happy with nothing. Silence. That’s something Liam can appreciate in mornings. Just some bark from his dog and the sound of his misery and that’s it. But no, god forbid the new guy lets him have that.

Rated: Explicit, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Wanrings, Completed, 8/8 Chapters, Words: 42,814 (42k)

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me: i’m not a big fan of AU’s ,, proceeds to talk about ANOTHER au… OKAY BUT THIS ONE !! it’s not complete but the author has been updating regularly ,, vv slow burn !! but in a REALLY intresting way !! i lOVE LIAM IN THIS SO MUCH ,, he is such a diaster of a person and it’s wonderful !! they have a great dynamic & i’m sucker for general puppy pack content ( and erica reyes being a badass ) !! also theo plays lacrosse in this & i really like it ahhhhh ,, also liam is just being an artic monkeys stan the whole time & theo is like *que confused repressed gay noises*

Inglorious Roommates - honeyscape

Summary: A roommate is defined as “a person with whom one shares a room.”

Theo would say a roommate was more along the lines of, “The person who's the bane of his existence. The weirdo that sleeps for days. The spaz that exercises at 3am. The guy with a revolving door of annoying friends. An insufferable human being that Theo has no control over living in his room.”

Example: Theo hates his roommate Liam.

-

okay okay i hate myself but i have another WIP for y’all !! this one is jUST FANTASTIC. i’m genuinely so upset it’s most likely not going to updated again *incoherent screaming ensues*. for this story ,, it’s very theo-centric bUT thats bc it ends right before liam becomes a concrete member of the story !! ANYWAY: basic plot = theo & acquiring not one but two children ,, so #dad theo but he is still crusty & homeless and i love him very much. it’s just so GOOD !! just read if you want to experience my fav theo coming out story & him etching high school musical

Look who's talking - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: Theo had been labeled many things in his life. Evil, failure, monster. He'd never thought Father would be one of those things but as he looked across the table to a six year old with blue smears of bubble gum icecream across her face trying to coax the first words out of her sister. Finger jabbing towards Theo's face as she repeated 'Daddy' again and again he couldn't bring himself to dispute the label.

(Theo accidentally adopts two young werewolves)

Not Rated, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Not Completed, Chapters: 16/?, Words: 48740 ( 48k )

-

so here me out: post-canon ( poetry like angst ) summer get away !! just the boys doing cute little domestic things together whilst pining !! theo’s guilt in this is just so powerful & aGjffkgkkfkvkdlv !! i think it’s so interesting to see how they interact in this one, it’s just very heart warming !! and it features one of my favorite niche teen wolf tropes of theo being great with like seven year old girls- it’s just so good ,, very much a wonderful little one shot that just makes your heart happy.

(next time i see you you'll show me) a hundred different ways to say the same things - cherrysprite

Summary: “...You deserve good things,” Liam says eventually. He makes sure not to look at Theo even though he can feel his eyes turn on him. Somehow he can already tell that Theo doesn’t believe him.

Liam instantly makes that the goal of this summer - making Theo believe him.

Rating: Teen and Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 28875 ( 28k )

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okay so this next section of fic recs is a bit different !!

two of my favorite authors !! and a compilation of fics i’ve read by them both !!

for context: these two have written some genuinely gorgeous fics, like pure poetry, they explore the real gritty & scary side of our boys relationship in such a wonderful way. they’ve both used some of my favorite tropes & i love them very much !!

whenever i need something soothing but so genuinely intresting & enticing these are my go to !! ( also they both write a lot of good nolan angst & some vv good fics with hayden )

go check out:

eneiryu

as well as fallingforboys

here are some of my favorite fics by them ~

darling i want you here in my arms (kiss the pain away, i know you can) - fallingforboys

even before you touched me, i belonged to you (all you had to do was look at me) - fallingforboys

memories linger like tattoo scars (but your touch on my skin is just as permanent) - fallingforboys

skin, bones, a stolen heart, and an ugly creature lurking underneath -fallingforboys

i don't know how to breathe in the place i called home - fallingforboys

whisper your gossamer truths into the shadow, maybe you'll find the answers you're searching for - fallingforboys

between the mountains and the valley we built a monument to our regret - eneiryu

cracked the hinges of the cage and waited for you - eneiryu

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okay and finally: since i am a self centered whore

my own fic: an rendition of the # elevator scene

it’s basically my version of post canon if we did get the kiss in the elevator. we got a classic liam pov in which he is has 12/10 for extreme bi diaster energy even whilst being shot at !! so go him ig…

Fuck Off, Fuck This & Fuck It! - nefelibata_peach

Summary: Liam thought to himself heart rate climbing, they were bound to be dead by morning. So he thought with everything but his brain and he kissed him.

Where Liam Dunbar is very confused, slightly traumatized, and just a bit scared but hey, aren't they all! Bad decisions ensue as two boys fight in a war they never did sign up for.

Rating: Teen and Up, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 3558 ( 3k )

[boldlyvoid]

New Romantics | Part Three

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, period mentions, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings,

Word Count: 4.7K

a/n: this chapter covers the whole week from Monday to Friday, thank you @awrfhi for making the gif I used here <3

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Monday morning she’s in his arms still, and then again on Tuesday; he basically lives with her when he’s not on a case. They make dinner together at night and they drive in together every morning, and they have had sex all over her apartment… and he loves her but he was tired when he said it and in a post-orgasm haze and he’s her best friend.

But he loved her— just not the way she loved him. She was sure of it.

Tuesday morning at 10:53 am, she cracks her fake case. They’re apprehending the unsub by Noon and then she has the rest of the week off. So she heads to the main Quantico building, she gets a visitor's pass and she takes the elevator all the way up to the BAU.

She walks through the bullpen doors and Spencer is sitting at his little desk with his head buried in a book. Penelope sees her first, wrapping her up in a hug that gets everyone’s attention as she rocks her back and forth while telling her how much she likes her.

“You are so pretty, and nice and cute, and your hair smells so good?”

“Thank you, it’s Spencer's shampoo,” she laughs as she holds her back, “I just wanted to come and see him really quick?”

He’s standing beside her and she doesn’t even know until Penelope releases her from her grasp. He wraps her up next, “why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

She kisses him right on the mouth, holding his face in her hands she has missed him too much to wait till they are alone again, “I caught the unsub.”

“No way?”

She nods feverishly, “yeah remember I found that stray hair on the crime scene? Everyone was fighting over why there wasn’t a sexual aspect and I was trying to convince them she was a women unsub when the hair came back matching our victims best friend, who also knew victim number 1.”

He’s so happy, his smile is the biggest any of his teammates have ever seen, he lifts her and twirls her around and no one can believe the sight. Spencer Reid the uptight, overly smart, always following proper procedure, Doctor at the FBI; was spinning his girlfriend around as he kissed her cheek.

“You are a genius,” he compliments her as he sets her back down and places another kiss on her lips.

“I know,” she laughs, “I beat your score by one day.”

“I hate you,” he kisses her again and by now they don’t realize they have an audience. It’s incredibly convincing to everyone except each other.

“No, you love me,” she whispers, kissing him again before they hear someone clear their throat.

“Do you want to help with ours?” Derek asks, jumping into the moment and reminding them that they’re in public. “We’re just doing non-urgent consults today.”

“Am I allowed?” She lights up.

Derek nods, “I don’t see why not, as long as you just tell your ideas to us and don’t file anything then I think it’s legal?”

So she helps and it’s the most exhilarating thing since having sex with Spencer. She’s in her element, looking at small details and making connections that even leave Spencer humming and ha-ing. She has a younger insight than the rest of the team, she’s exactly why they hired Spencer in the first place and now she was shining brighter than him.

But he loved it.

Every time she made a connection or she had a suggestion that helped one of them on their own train of thought, Spencer would smile at her like she hung the stars in the night sky. He was proud of her in a way she hasn’t seen in many people before, filling her heart with warmth and hope that maybe he can love her for real one day.

—

She was possibly the love of his life and the more he saw her work and the more he knew her mind; the more he fell. She walked around his office and talked to his friends as if she was always meant to be there, and a part of him really wanted her to be.

He snuck away to go talk to Hotch, closing his office door as he sat down, “what’s wrong?”

“Y/N isn’t really my girlfriend,” he whispers. “She’s pretending so I could get everyone to stop bothering me about dating, and I understand it looks like she’s using me to get close to the team but I really do think she would be an excellent asset to the unit even if she was just in the office—“

“Reid,” Hotch cuts him off and a smile builds. “I already sent her an offer to take Anderson's job while he’s out on paternity leave.”

“Oh,” he smiles to himself. “Pretend I never said anything.”

“It stays in these 4 walls, don’t worry,” Hotch smiles back, “but you should tell her.”

“Tell her what?”

“That you’re in love with her.”

“I’m not,” he lies, “really, I do love her but I’m not in love with her, there is a difference.”

“I know,” Hotch reminds him. “Did you know that I only joined the school musical to get close to Haley? I did whatever I could to get her to fall in love with me and didn’t even realize it when she did because I was so worried she didn’t.”

“Oh.”

Hotch nods with another smile, “you don’t have to tell her until you’re ready, obviously, but you should tell her before it’s too late.”

“I will,” he whispers. “Thanks, Aaron.”

“Why don’t you guys head out early?” He offers, “we could all use a day off with the people we love.”

When he walks back down from Aaron's office, Y/N is with Emily and JJ discussing how she caught her fake unsub at school that morning. She doesn’t brag, she loves to mention her classmates by name and verbatim explains how they helped her. She is a team player, a genius, beautiful, kind… she really is the love of his life.

“Hey,” he places his hand on her lower back as he slides into the conversation. “Hotch said we can all leave early if we wanted?”

“Sure,” she smiles, “actually, did you want to come with me to buy a dress for your thing?”

“That would be fun,” he agrees, wrapping his other arm around her so he can rest his chin on her shoulder and hold her. “Remember I’m buying it so don’t stress about the price.”

“You’re too nice to me,” she replies.

“I just love you,” his voice is as low as he can make it but everyone still hears.

She holds him back tighter, in a silent ‘I love you, too’ and they hear JJ and Emily swoon.

They’re quick to get their things and head out, she hands Spencer her keys and lets him drive to the mall so she can relax, she’s done a lot today.

She’s so quiet on the drive, she holds his hand like she always does and she just looks out the window, she’s peaceful and content with the nothingness of spending alone time with Spencer. They were always just quiet together, sometimes they laughed till they cried and sometimes he could make her scream but most of the time they were quiet.

“Have you checked your email?”

She smiles as she turns to him and her grip on his hand tightened, “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, I just told hotch the truth so that he could offer you a job, but he already had before I went in there but he’s a good secret keeper, believe me.”

“Oh,” her smile disappears. “So he knows we’re not really dating?”

He nods, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I guess we’re going to have to find a convincing way to break up for them and still be able to hang out all the time,” she worries aloud. “Because I don’t want to stop this any time soon, I hope you know that. I really like spending time with you.”

“I feel the same way,” he agrees. “I promise, we can just tell them we work better as friends and they might believe us?”

“I don’t think they will,” she frowns again. “JJ told me not to break your heart today, but I feel like if we break up I’m going to break all of theirs.”

“We could have a fake ugly breakup, and not talk to each other publicly for a bit and then be friends again?” He suggests, “Penelope and Kevin did that.”

She nods, still frowning. She interlocks their fingers this time and she holds his hand instead of just anxiously fiddling with his fingers. She really doesn’t want to let go, and he’s almost convinced she feels the same way.

The banquet is on Saturday, she has one last week of school before her graduation and then they’re done. He thinks about asking her, about what would be the best time to tell her he was in love with her and ask her to be his real girlfriend.

Maybe he’ll do it after the banquet? Maybe he’ll do it after her graduation? He just really wants to do it before she meets his mom. He wants his mom to meet her as the love of his life and his best friend.

He hated many things, but as he kept glancing at her as he drove he realized he hated one thing most of all. He hated that he couldn’t love her as much as she deserved, at least not yet. He wanted to shower her in love, he wanted to protect her and care for her, he wanted to show her off and make love to her and never leave her side.

It hurts, his heart physically aches as he thinks about that. If he had to feel like this to know his love was real, then the pain was worth it. She was always worth it, and he would hurt as long as possible, forever even, if it meant he could be around her just as long.

He held her hand tighter in the silence which made her turn to him, he had no idea he had been crying until she leans over and wipes his cheeks, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” he smiles but he can’t keep the conversation there, he’s feeling trapped and so he changes the topic. “What colour dress were you thinking?”

The quick-change makes her laugh, “probably black.”

“Are you sure?”

She nods, “I don’t need to stand out beside you any more than I already do.”

“What does that mean?”

She bits her lip, “some of the people in my class are saying that I’m only doing so well because you’re helping me cheat and that I’m just fucking you to get a job… just like I thought they would.”

“At the end of the day, we have a friendship they will never understand, we have great sex because we want to, you’re smarter than me, and the BAU wants you… so who is the real winner?” He’s always going to be her number one cheerleader.

“You’re right,” she smiles again finally, “as always.”

—

He convinces her to get a red dress.

She hasn’t had a pretty dress like this one since her prom and that was 6 years ago. She hasn’t been to a party or mingled with people in just as long, she didn’t realize how lonely she had been while chasing her dreams until Spencer came along.

He was one of the dreams. She saw him talk once, years ago on a school trip, and she fell in love with him a little, even back then. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be him or be with him back then, doing everything in her power to get into the criminal psych degree at her local college, she just wanted to be like him.

Now she’s liked by him.

Every night he goes to his home across the hall and he does his own nightly routine before coming back to her apartment for the night. She’s too emotional to sleep with him today, she knows that if she has sex with him she’s going to say something stupid or cry after because being this close to him without being honest with him is killing her.

Something in him has changed too, he’s less scared to initiate contact, he doesn’t jump anymore when she hugs him or when she smacks his bum as she passes him. Now he’s wrapping his arms around her while she cooks dinner, and he kisses her cheek randomly when they’re in public.

He tells her that he loves her.

She’s confused and she has no one to talk to about it.

She lays back against her pillows and closes her eyes, she knows she’s going to cry soon, and she doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t want to cry in front of him and he would be upset if she told him to not come back tonight.

The stress of the situation just makes her cry more as she stresses herself into another anxiety attack, much like the first night she talked to him. She just lets it happen, the anxiety in her stomach builds and the tears slip past her eyes and suddenly she’s sobbing into her pillow hard enough that she doesn’t hear him come back.

She jumps at the feeling of his hand on her back as he sits on the edge of the bed, “what’s wrong?”

She just sits up and hugs him, and he hugs her back and they stay there like that for a while. When she calms down, she pulls back from him and wipes her eyes, “my period is coming.” She’s not really lying, and he believes her.

“Does it normally make you this emotional?”

He’s never really experienced her mood swings, he has no idea what he’s in for, she nods. “Yeah, and I have really bad anxiety which just gets worse around this time.”

“And you’re not on anything?”

She shakes her head, “I’m waiting to get onto the good healthcare when I get a job with the bureau, I can’t afford to work and go to school, I’m glad I had enough scholarship money left to rent this place long enough to go to the academy.”

“Oh.”

She just nods, “I’ve never had much money like my parents have been saving for 2 years to buy plane tickets to Virginia so that they can see me graduate. They started saving before I even got in. I went to community college on a scholarship and I get a lot of money from applying for bursaries.”

“Are you going to take the CARD job or the BAU offer?”

She shrugs, “I’m not sure yet, but probably CARD.”

“Why?”

“I can’t work with you,” she whispers. “It makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be there like I’m using you and that all my work isn’t that great. I’m just Doctor Spencer Reids girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, imposter syndrome is a leading factor in depression among child prodigies, once you reach a certain age and you stop receiving awards for your work, it’s hard to believe that you’re still doing a good job.”

She knows he gets it, he has probably said the same fact to himself to calm down before. “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

She nods, pulling back the covers and moving over so he can snuggle in beside her. She holds him, resting her head on his chest and taking a deep inhale of his cologne, this was the love of her life and if this was as close as she was ever going to be to him, she was going to take it.

He kisses the top of her head and holds her in his arms at just the right pressure to calm her down. She feels so comfortable with him but she still feels like shit, she doesn’t stop crying, and he just holds her through it.

“Do you want to tell me what’s really wrong?” He whispers after a while, he sounds worried.

“No,” she whispers. “I can’t.”

“Is it about me?”

“Yeah,” she cries again, “and I don’t have any other friends to talk to about us and now you’ve told hotch and I have no one to talk to about how this is kinda stressing me out.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” his voice is still scared and she knows he’s going to panic regardless and just send them around in a circle of constant anxiety. But his tone is more apologetic than one fuck up.

“Who else did you tell?” She sits up, “I thought this was just between us?”

“I needed advice, the same reason you are reacting right now, you’re stressing me out,” Spencer finally talks back with passion and she knows they’re about to fight for no reason.

“I never said you were stressing me out. I said our situation was, but I think I need to sleep alone now, Spencer” she’s confident and stern even though she’s crying.

“We can’t go to bed mad at each other. You even said the mornings are the worst, we can’t hate each other for no reason tomorrow,” he starts to cry, not knowing where he went wrong and she can see it on his face.

“I just don’t have what you have, and I’ve always been trying to copy you…”

“What?”

She sighs and wipes her tears, “I have had a big fat, fan-girly, crush on you since I was 18, I came here with my class to watch you do a talk on philias and phobias and then I knew I wanted to get into the academy and I wanted to beat your record and join the BAU, and I just thought; one day I’m going to be friends with this guy and catch bad guys with him and now I am and I’m so alone.”

“You have me?”

“I know,” she tries to smile, “but I only have you and I can tell you almost everything. Like my biggest stressor right now is that if just looking at fake crime scenes for 3 weeks has made me this anxious; what if I’m not cut out for this? What if I get to a real crime scene and I pass out or—“

“That’s only human,” he presses his lips together, awkwardly, and very Spencerly. “If you didn’t feel like this job makes you hate the world and untrusting of everyone around you; then I would think you’re crazy.”

“How do you do it?”

“I open up and let people in, but I typically wait till I’m at my lowest; crying in my friend's arms because I don’t know what to do anymore,” he smiles again, wider and toothy as she smiles back.

“Thank you,” she can’t help but tilt her head and smile as her heart settles and her brain calms down a bit, “I love you.”

“Can I kiss you or is that too much right now?”

She gets in closer to him, laying back down on the pillow and looking at him. They’re closer enough to kiss, and she just takes a moment to look at him, resting her hand on his cheek as he wraps around her waist and pulls her in closer.

“We’re okay?” He asks with his lips right against her, his breath is hot and he smells like toothpaste.

“We’re okay, but no more talking tonight, okay?” She whispers.

He nods, leaning in and kissing her finally. She knows she shouldn’t be kissing him, she knows that she should be mad at herself, but she also knew that even just pretending that he loved her back was good enough.

—

He gets called away to a case on Wednesday morning, he’s too busy to really call her and he doesn’t text back. He feels bad about it but he knows she wanted space to think anyway, what he didn’t expect was for her to reach out to Penelope.

She’s in the office with her on Friday, tired of Spencer ignoring her so she went to the one place he couldn’t avoid her; Penelope’s office.

“How can I help you today, my fine furry friends?” Y/N answers the phone with a smirk, copying Penelope’s line perfectly, they can hear them high five through the line.

“Y/N?” Spencer is the first to catch it, “what are you doing there?”

“I came to meet Anderson and see if I’d like to take his job or not,” she teases, pretending she wasn’t there just to bother him.

Hotch cuts in, asking the question he needed to ask before hanging up, “not sure what’s going on at home but we’re too close to cracking this case for schoolyard games.”

“Yes sir,” he nods and looks away, retreating to the other side of the room to stare at the map and pretend to find connections.

“Crack this and you can go home to her,” Derek whispers with a smile, thinking he’s helping the situation.

“That’s not where I want to be right now.”

“Woah,” Derek catches it, “what happened?”

“Nothing,” he’s quick to get him to stop it but he really wants advice, “she’s stressed out and she took it out on me and I wasn’t very nice back.”

“You said sorry and you pretended you were over it, didn’t you?”

He turns away from Derek with a nod, he wants to come out with it and get it over with and he’s so mad and embarrassed he just starts to cry a little, “I don’t want to lose her.”

“How could you?”

“You have no idea,” he rolls his eyes lightly and scoffs, confusing Derek.

“And I won't unless you want to talk to someone about what’s really bothering you, but you’ve been happier since you met her and I like seeing you happy, and Savannah likes double dates,” he scolds him with a smile, patting his shoulder lightly. “now let's crack this and maybe on the plane you will tell me what’s up?”

“Sure,” he says, but he doesn’t want to.

However, Derek Morgan is good at a lot of things, and one of those things is getting Spencer to calm down enough to tell him anything. Everyone is asleep on the plane, it’s just the two of them at the back together when Spencer finally feels confident enough to say it.

“I lied to you, a long time ago… and it’s just the first one.”

Derek doesn’t look angry, “okay, explain your thought process. I need to know how this pretty brain of yours works.”

He smiles a bit, “I slept with Elle the night before she shot that rapist in Ohio.”

“You did not?” Derek's voice gets a little too loud and they stop to make sure no one woke up.

“I did, but you still always made jokes about finally getting me some lovin’ and it bothered me for a while and I never told you, instead I offered to help my neighbour with her homework if she pretended to date me,” his voice lowers as the words continue and he only stares at the table between them.

“Spencer, I’m sorry,” Derek apologizes first. “I didn’t know I was upsetting you, is there anything else I do that upsets you?”

He shakes his head in a silent no, still not looking at him, he can't.

“What happened between you and Y/N?” He jumps to the main issue, fine with what happened because he feels bad for causing the issue in the first place.

“We started sleeping together.”

Derek sighs, “you have such a big brain, you can remember everything she’s ever said to you and yet you can’t see that she’s in love with you.”

“She’s good at pretending,” he pushes it away.

“No she’s not, because she’s pretending she doesn’t love you right now; the same way you are and you’re both fucking it up for each other,” Derek gives it to him straight. “You have always been loveable, but you have a very hard time accepting it, Spencer.”

“Yeah,” he starts to cry a little more.

“Go home and talk to her and tell her the truth,” it’s the best advice he can give and Spencer knows it. “What’s the worst that can go wrong?”

“She does love me back but in a few years, she realizes I’m too much and she leaves me,” his voice is the saddest Derek has ever heard it.

He gets up from his seat and hugs Spencer, sliding into the seat beside him and wrapping his arms around him, “you have never been too much. You just surround yourself with people who aren’t good enough to love you for who you are.”

“She’s better than me.”

“Which is exactly what I mean, she’s not going to leave you, believe me, once you love Spencer Reid for who he really is, it’s hard to stop,” he speaks from experience, thinking of what could have been between them if either of them had tried harder in the past.

“She’s the love of my life,” he confirms, “I’m never going to love anyone else the way I love her.”

They get the word that they’re going to be landing soon, Spencer wipes his tears and buckles in for the descent, avoiding everyone’s stares and questions on the ride back to headquarters. He’s nervous to see her, he knows his face is puffy and she’ll be there waiting for him with Penelope, but he has to do it.

“Would you wait here, I need to tell her now and she might not give me a ride home if it doesn’t go well,” he asks Derek before heading to Penelope, “she was already mad at me for telling Hotch the truth.”

“Okay, sure,” Derek smiles, reaching out a hand for Spencer, “come to me when you need me next time, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees with a small smile, heading out to find his fake girlfriend.

She’s not with Penelope, no she’s in the filing room with Anderson and the other temps all talking and laughing, and it sounds far too interesting to interrupt. He waits outside the door and smiles at her laughter until he hears it.

“So be honest,” Agent Camden asks, “are you sleeping with Reid for this job?”

“If I was sleeping my way to the top, don’t you think I would have picked Morgan? Or Prentiss even?” She laughs and it’s like someone stabs a knife through his heart.

He turns around and heads back to Derek, “take me home.”

“Okay,” he doesn’t pry, he just grabs his coat and keys and follows Spencer to the garage.

—

He’s really ignoring her.

She finds out from Emily that Spencer left with Derek, and that he looked rather pissed off when he asked for a ride. It breaks her heart a little and she doesn’t know what to do next, she just drives home and finds herself knocking on his door.

“Let me in, please, Spencer!” She begs from behind his door.

He opens it and looks at her with a puffy red face, tear-stained cheeks and swollen lips, he’s been crying for a while. “What?”

“What did I do?”

“You slept with me,” he whispers, “and I told you I wouldn’t react well.”

“Is it my fault you’re crying?” She asks softly and he nods, “do you want to tell me?”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, “are we still going to the banquet together tomorrow?”

“I really fucked up,” is all he can muster, crying again as he closes the door and goes to cry in his room.

She just opens the door again and follows him inside. Kicking off her shoes she crawls into bed beside him and wraps herself around him, “you don’t have to tell me but I am here for you, always.”

“I love you,” he says it like it’s the problem before he rests his head in the crook of her neck and holds her back for the first time in days.

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she cries along with him. They cry until he’s asleep and she’s just there holding him in her jeans and she’s really uncomfortable but she loves him too much to let go.

“More than you will ever know.”

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[frattsparty]

My Heart Needed You Part 22

An: y’all, I’m struggling to write. I’ve redone this chapter multiple times and finally just have to post. Hopefully I’ll get back on track. Was not edited because I can’t look at it without making more changes so I had to cut myself off lol

Warning: talk of ED, language, angst, Nestor being a good daddy.

Tag list: @withmyteeth @lyly00 @nessamc @lexondeck @redpoodlern @thegirlwhowritesfics @chibsytelford @bellisperennis0 @oklahomapeach

You’re close to the halfway point in your pregnancy, and there is no hiding it. Everyone knows and the many men in your life are treating you like a queen, a glass queen, but still a queen.

Pulling into the clubhouse a herd of Mayans come down from the porch to meet you. One opening your door, one taking your hand to help you out, another carrying your bag. While the others helped you walk up the stairs, held the door, and of course Bishop pulled out his chair for you in Templo, because as he says it’s “more comfortable for you in your state.”

“You know Bishop I can just sit in a regular chair out there like normal?” You give him a look as Creeper brings your bag to you along with the water you always ask for. “Thank you, Creep!”

“You got it, mama!”

Your afternoon is spent being catered to by the MC, these big tough bikers ensuring you have enough water, force feeding you snacks, making sure you’re comfortable, all while you are just there to manage their books.

“How are you?” Bishop asks as he hands you the items you need. His usual cigarette and alcohol are no longer in the room, he’s been very specific that if You are around there could be no smoking or drinking, for the baby.

“I’m good, tired, but I feel like I’ve been tired from the start.” You chuckle as you type into your system.

“And Nestor? How are things there?” Bishop has become a safe place for you, allowing you to speak freely about all that’s going on. Providing advice to help you through it all.

Sighing, “The same, not for lack of effort on his part. He’s doing everything he can for me, for the baby, doing all the right things. I’m just scared and I can’t get past it.”

“I think you need to forgive yourself a little bit,” he’s not looking at you as he goes through receipts. “You say you can’t forgive him, but have you allowed yourself to be forgiven for everything? You blame yourself for what happened, for hurting Nestor, for Niko and him fighting, and nothing is your fault. It’s time you start believing that.” His eyes move up and meet yours.

“Maybe…it’s a lot to finally come to terms with. It’s been a painful chapter. I just need a sign that it’s all okay.”

“Hailey, I’ve seen a lot, lived a lot of ugly chapters. Life has a way of showing you exactly what you need at the right time.”

The two of you finish up in silence, and you pack up your stuff. The guys immediately come in to take your trash and bag. “They are going a little overboard Bishop.” You laugh.

“Nah, you’re important to us so we have to keep you safe and comfortable.” He wraps his arm around your shoulder as you walk out. “Give some thought to what I said, stop holding so much blame, forgive yourself, and live your life.”

“Thank you,” turning your wrap him in a hug, his arms squeezing you tightly.

“Drive careful!” Kissing your cheek he sends you on your way. Angel meeting you at your car opening the door for you.

***

You've been waiting at the OBs office for what feels like hours, today is the day you get to see what you’re having and excited is an understatement. Nestor had to meet you at the office since you came from the Mayans clubhouse and he was coming back from Mexico.

He was running late but so was the entire office, so he found you in the waiting room with your case files in your lap, a highlighter in your hand, and a pen in your mouth. You didn’t even notice him sit down until he pulled the pen from between your teeth and kissed the corner of your mouth. “I hope you don’t share your pens with people.”

“Hey!” You smile big at him as you look up. “I don’t, everyone I work with knows they can’t use my pens.”

“This has to be your grossest habit.” He’s chuckling next to you, his smile reaching his eyes. “Feeling okay today?”

“Feeling good, just really tired.” You smile at him, noting there are no injuries to be seen today. “How was Mexico?”

You move to grab your bag from the floor but he pushes you back to your seat and grabs it for you. Holding it open as you put your things inside. “It was good, hot but it was a positive visit.”

His hand makes its way to your bump rubbing small circles, as you lean your head over onto his shoulder doing your best to stay awake. You’ve  been waiting for well over an hour and you just want to go home.

“Miss, Teller?” The nurse at the door calls you over and leads you through the back. Stopping to check your weight first, you force Nestor to turn around. To which he reminds you that your weight wasn’t important, just that you and the baby are healthy, but he did turn around without a fight.

You’re in the room for a few minutes, your head resting on his shoulder again doing everything you can to stay awake when there is a knock at the door and your doctor walks in.

“I’m so sorry you’ve had to wait, Hailey. I had an emergency at the hospital.” She said, clearly frazzled trying to catch up with the day.

“No problem. I finished my work for the day in the waiting room.” You give her a smile trying to show that it wasn’t a problem even though you are completely exhausted.

“Come on up, we can talk about a few things before we do the ultrasound.” She smiles as you move to the bed. “Our nurse said you don’t want to know the weight that is gained? And you don’t look at the number on the scale.” Your face pales, you don’t want to have this conversation. “I just need to make sure you remain healthy and that you aren’t doing anything to intentionally keep yourself from gaining weight.”

“I’m not.” You whisper, feeling almost embarrassed. You’ve been doing everything right, eating normally, taking a daily walk or run, but never overdoing it. You look to Nestor, your eyes pleading for him to save you…but he doesn’t. His face becomes panicked, and you know he’s thinking back to those years where college, working, and stress took a toll on your health.

He speaks up, not looking at you, and you feel your wall slowly cracking. “She has been eating pretty light, and she does a long  run daily.”

“How light are you eating, Hailey?”

“I just eat what sounds good, easy things because I don’t enjoy cooking that much, if I’m hungry I eat. I’m not starving myself, I just don’t force myself to eat.” You have to take deep breaths trying to keep from falling apart completely. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, no, you aren’t doing anything wrong at all. It’s just, a lot of times when we have mamas doing those things it’s because they have struggled with eating problems in the past. And I have to make sure you aren’t struggling now.” She moves so she is directly in front of you, forcing you to make eye contact. “Have you had issues in the past?” You nod, not offering any detail; it's all in the past. “If you are struggling now that’s okay, and I can help you through it. We have resources and guides to support mamas through it.”  She hands you a few papers, “Are you struggling, Hailey?”

You shake your head, you can feel Nestor watching. “I’m fine, I’ve been eating normal, I’m not depriving myself of anything. I’ve been doing my normal walk or run daily, but I’ve done that for years. I just…I don’t like to see the number go up, I don’t want to know, The less I know about my weight gain the better. If I see the number I think it will scare me, so I don’t look. Out of sight out of mind.”

She’s nodding, “Okay, you’ll tell me if you have any trouble at any time, yes?” You just nod, ready for what was supposed to be an exciting appointment to be over with. “Let’s see what you are having! Go ahead and lay back, lift your shirt up for me.”

You’re frozen, struggling to get your thoughts straight. “I need a minute.” You're up and out of the room before either could stop you. Before the tears fall you get into the bathroom, pushing yourself into a corner, face in your hands as you break.

There is a light knock at the door but you can’t respond, you know it’s Nestor. He doesn’t even knock a second time before he comes in. Quickly he turns around and pulls you into his chest. “It’s okay, Hailey.” He whispers into your ear as he rubs your back. You shake your head, nothing about this was okay.

Staying in his embrace you try to regain control before speaking. Taking deep breaths while your hands grip his shirt. “I promise Nestor, I’m not doing anything bad. I promise.” The tears begin falling faster. “I’m eating, I’m taking care of myself, I swear, Nes. I’m not hurting our baby.” Your body shakes again and he holds you tighter.

“I know, Hails, I know. I'm so sorry!” His hand is resting on the side of your face wiping tears away while pulling your hair from your face as you rest your ear over his chest. “It’s fine, it’s all okay.”

The room is silent except for your sniffles and his words of encouragement. “Do you want to go home? Or do you want to have the ultrasound? I’ll do whatever you want, you tell me.”

You think about the options in your head, truthfully you just want to leave but you’re already here and you would like to know about the baby. “I’ll stay for the appointment.” You whisper and he pulls away going to the sink and wetting a few paper towels. Coming back he gently wipes under your eyes and around your face, calming you and helping you to look a bit more put together. When he’s done he grabs your hands and waits for you to be okay before heading back to the room.

Once you're back, your doctor begins getting everything set up as you lie back. “I’m sorry for upsetting you, it’s just something I have to ask if the concern is there.” You can’t speak so you just nod as you get comfortable. A small trail of tears begin to stream down the side of your face and Nestor is immediately at your side, discreetly wiping them away while holding your hand tightly. Looking up you can see the regret in his eyes, you can see that he regrets his earlier words. He leans down leaving a gentle kiss to your forehead and whispers, “I love you” right in your ear.

You both turn your attention to the screen on your right once you hear the whooshing of a heartbeat. “Alright mama, look at this perfect little one. Are you ready for me to tell you?” Both of you are instantly nodding. “Congratulations, you are having a boy!”

Both of you are crying now, Nestor’s forehead lands on your shoulder and you feel his tears. “I hope he looks like you, Nes.” You whisper.

“Look how perfect he is, Hails. He's going to be so strong.” He kisses your cheek. “You’re amazing.”

“Also, Nes, this means that I am right and I won the bet. So you’re taking me for ice cream for dinner.” You give him a small smile as he chuckles, “and you can’t go back on a pinky promise.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” Your doctor got your tummy cleaned off and you both head out. You weren’t feeling all that much better so you were walking a bit away from him.

Just as you veer off to your car, Nestor grabs your wrist. “I’m really sorry, Hailey. I shouldn’t have said anything to the doctor, I just worry, and I don’t want to watch you go through that again.” You didn’t have it in you to talk about it more. So you simply nod and tell him to pick you up at 7 for your ice cream dinner.

***

At 7 on the dot Nestor is walking through your door, “Hails?”

“Upstairs.” You’re in your bathroom fixing your hair into a messy bun that is taking you far too much time. You are wearing a pair of leggings and a sports bra undecided on the shirt.

“Hey, you ready?” He says as he plops down on your bed.

“Yeah I just have to get a shirt.” You pass him and go to your closet, flipping through your shirts until you find something you like. You can feel him before you see him, he must not have liked that you passed him without a kiss.

Coming up behind you he wraps his arms around your waist, hands resting below your bump. He leaves a light kiss on your shoulder. “Are you okay, Hails?”

You nod, “I’m fine.”

You can feel him shaking his head. “You aren’t fine, it’s all over your face and body, you’re upset.” His hands work to pull the waistband of your leggings down so he can rub his hand over the skin of your bump. “I shouldn’t have said anything today, I should have supported you better, not jump to my own assumptions. I’m really sorry.” He kisses your neck and stills his hands.

“I know, and I know you only said something because you’re worried. But I’m fine, I promise I’m not starving myself or counting carbs or calories, I am just trying to enjoy this and if I see the scale or the number I don’t think I can. So I’m avoiding it to make sure I can really take this in and enjoy every minute of it.” Letting out a sigh, “I have been doing my best to do everything right, and then to have the doctor say something and for you to jump in on her side, I felt like shit. It made me feel like I’m failing. Like I’m already a bad mom.”

Before the words are out of your mouth his hands are on your hips turning you around to face him. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that, Hailey.” His hands are holding the sides of your neck, “You are already an amazing mom, he is perfect, your doctor said it herself. He’s perfect because you are, don’t doubt that.” Wrapping his arms around your shoulders he pulls you into him. “You are going to be the best mom, he’s going to be the luckiest boy in the whole world to have you.”

Pulling away you slip your shirt on and you silently make your way downstairs, Nestor following closely behind. “Hailey, please talk to me.”

“I’m okay, Nes.” You look over at him and hold his stare, “I’m hungry, can we just go, please?” Nodding he takes your hand and walks you to his car.

Taking you to your favorite ice cream shop the two of you order and find a table in the back. Dinner goes by quietly for the most part. “Have you thought of boy names?” Nestor asks as you play with what’s left of your dinner.

Nodding, “I have a few, you?”

“I mostly thought of girl names but I have a few boy names.” He has a soft smile on his face.

“Tell me yours first, I’m doing the hard work of making your baby so I want to know yours first.” He laughs and nods.

“Mateo, Diego, or we could always do a second Nestor.”

Smiling, “I like all of those, even a second Nestor. I have Antonio, Sergio, Jackson, and I have another but I don’t want you to be mad about it.”

“Tell me, I won’t be mad.” He takes your hand.

“I was thinking Niko, I feel like he’s a hand in all of this.” You lift your eyes to meet his and you see them shining in the light of the ice cream shop.

“I love Niko, he would be honored. He may have even cried if you told him.” Each of you letting out a small laugh. “What was Jax’s middle name?”

“Nathaniel, after his grandpa.”

“Niko Nathaniel Oceteva.” He speaks it into the air, both of you quietly letting it sink in. You have a small tear that escapes and you can see Nestor does too. Both of you are thinking about the brothers you’ve lost.

“It’s perfect.” You can’t help the smile that has formed on your face.

“Alright,  now that we’re sitting here crying, why don’t I get you home so you can sleep.” He says as he scoots from the booth and takes your hand helping you up.

“Your house is closer so we can go there, I have clothes there and Miguel wants to meet early.” You roll your eyes at Miguel’s need for an early morning meeting. As you head out you wrap your arm around his and lean into him as you walk. Making sure he knows you really are tired.

“Okay, whatever you two want we will do.” He smiles as he helps you into the car and buckles you in.

“Well we want to sleep and need you to hold us because today was a fucking day.” You’re already curled up in your seat, head resting against the door. Grabbing his jacket from the back he covers you up and starts towards his house.

You start to wake back up just as he pulls into the drive, wrapping yourself tightly in his jacket. “Want me to carry you?” He says softly as he puts the car in park.

“No, I can walk. I need to collect all the pillows from the guest rooms so I can be comfortable.” Chuckling he shakes his head and gets out and makes his way to open your door.

“I have a surprise for you.” He blurts out as he unlocks the door.

“What is it?! Tell me Nes, you know surprises kill me.” Grabbing his arm you try to stop his movements so he’ll tell you.

“Come on,” he prompts, covering your eyes and leading you through the house once the door is locked. You can tell he’s leading you to the bedroom, your hands holding on to his arms to feel more secure walking blind. “Ready?” He whispers in your ear. Nodding you let go of his arm.

Tears well in your eyes once his hands move from your eyes and you see the fanciest pregnancy pillow laying on your side of the bed. It seems silly to be emotional about something like this, but Nestor always focused on your needs and made sure to address them even when he didn’t have to. You lean back into his chest, working to keep the tears at bay but not really succeeding. Wrapping both arms around your chest he pulls you tight to him and kisses the side of your head. “I love you, Nes.”

Squeezing you tighter he rests his chin on your shoulder. “I love you too. I just wanted to make sure you could be comfortable here too.” Turning in his arms you tightly wrap your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes. “I’m sorry today wasn’t filled with all the happiness you wanted. But I hope you know how much I love you and how amazing I think you are. This baby is so lucky you’re his mom and I’m so fucking proud of you!”

Moving your head you leave kisses on his jaw, “I think it’s safe to say we’re all lucky to have each other.”

“Let’s get you to bed, before you fall asleep standing up.” You nodded and moved away from him. Going to his tshirt drawer and pulling one out to sleep on. He watched as you stepped out of your leggings and pulled your shirt over your head, trading them both for his. Making your way to his bathroom you brushed your teeth and washed your face, he came in behind you brushing his teeth next to you. Both of you watching the other in the mirror soaking in the time together.

Once he heads to the bedroom you finish up and follow him out, he’s already in bed laying on his back reading his phone. Climbing in you wrap yourself in the new pillow and let out a low moan as you get completely comfortable.

“Jesus, Hailey, don’t make that sound when I’m laying next to you.” Nestor groaned from his side of the bed causing you to laugh, which then caused Nestor to do the same.

The two of you lay side by side talking, neither of you letting yourselves fall asleep even though you’re both exhausted, halfway paying attention to the show on TV. Nestor is running his fingers up and down your back, soothing you to finally relax. When his hands slow down you can tell he’s getting tired and drifting off so you scoot closer and cuddle up to him. Just as you are about to drift off yourself you feel a flutter in your belly followed by a noticeable kick. You lay both hands on your bump with a gasp, causing Nestor to wake up.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, reaching over you to turn the light on.

You don’t say anything, you just grab his hand and place it by yours. You move his hand around until you feel another flutter. “Did you feel it?!”

He shakes his head no, so you go to lay on your back to see if the movement gets him to move again. Still nothing. Nestor leans down, his mouth next to your tummy. “Come on buddy, let daddy feel you kick.” You move your hand so he can move his all over, talking to the baby, leaving kisses on your belly and after just a minute or two there is a strong kick right at Nestor’s hand.

He looks up at you with tears in his eyes. “Hey buddy, I can’t wait to see you. Mommy and I love you so much.” He whispers to the baby, as you run your hands through his unbraided hair.

He kisses your cheek and moves to lay next to you again. You roll to your side and wrap one arm around his neck holding him close to you. “We love you, ya know.”

“I know, and I love both of you.” He kisses your lips and wraps you tightly in his arms where you both peacefully sleep.

[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 6: Fight or Flght Response

[prev] [next]

[masterlist]

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warnings: mentions of sex and pretty much a toxic relationship

Morning comes and Kuroo wakes up with a headache. Eyes still closed, he taps on the other side of the bed, his hands looking for your body. “Love?” He groans. “Love, can you bring me some medication? My head hurts.”

Kuroo falls asleep once again and then wakes up an hour later. He sits up, his head ringing. “(Y/N)? Love?” He leaves the bed and doesn’t feel any presence of you in the house. “Oh, it’s 9AM. She must be at work already.”

Well, Kuroo’s not wrong. You are at your office but you aren’t working. You’re weeping at your table because you can’t seem to get rid of Kuroo’s words to his friends.

“So (Y/N) and I are trying to work our marriage out for a year, and she’s taking it way too seriously. While I can’t even look at her face! She messages me all the time about where I am, what I’m doing and all of that. She begs me to go on dates and nags at me if I miss it. I want to tell her off sometimes, but she’s a really good fuck. Like she’s amazing in bed and she lets me have it anytime so yeah. I guess it’s worth to stay.”

It keeps repeating in your head like a broken track. And your tears run down your cheeks and you know it won’t stop for a while. You stand from your desk and move to the little bedroom that is in your office. You lay on the bed and bury your face on the pillow.

The moment you heard his words come of his lips last night, you wanted to slap him hard, beat him up, tear his hair off his head, but you couldn’t. You were glued on the wooden floor of Kenma’s house, not able to believe Kuroo could say that. Your heart shattered into pieces that couldn’t be even counted.

But still, you went home with him. Even slept with him.

If your friends, especially Iwaizumi, find out about this, they’ll definitely tell you to leave him. No excuses. And you don’t want to leave Kuroo.

“Where did I go wrong? Is it because I’m ugly?” You take your phone out and open the camera app. “Very ugly right now. This is why he doesn’t want me to post anything about our relationship.”

Someone knocks on your office door so you wipe your tears quickly and open the Netflix app so you can pretend that you’ve been watching a sad movie this whole time.

“(Y/N)? The flowers are here,” Terushima says as he enters your office. “Why are you crying?”

Speaking of Terushima, he and Kuroo have become friends after their fight. When Kuroo picks you up sometimes and Terushima’s also there, you always find the two talking about hair. The blonde even goes to your place sometimes so he can style Kuroo’s hair. It’s their form of bonding so you really don’t have a say about it.

“This drama is just so sad,” you lie, showing him the screen of your phone that is playing a random sad movie.

“I didn’t know you were the type to cry cause of movies,” the blonde chuckles. “Anyways, fix yourself. Because we will be decorating a big function room starting this afternoon.”

“I almost forgot. The client wanted all real flowers right?” You sigh and sit up from your bed. ‘No time for crying. You’re a busy woman.’

“Yeah, so we have to make sure that the flowers will not wither tomorrow,” Terushima confirms.

You brush your issue with Kuroo under the rag and focus on your work instead.

Evening comes quickly and it’s finally time for your team to set up at the function hall. You had to wait until late evening to start since there was an event beforehand. The bestman of the wedding, Yuta, joined your team as the supervisor.

While you are setting up on the stage, you can feel your workmates throwing weird looks at you. “What?” You raise an eyebrow at them and one of your colleagues walks up to you.

“The best man has been staring at you ever since we got her,” she whispers with a teasing smirk. You roll your eyes at her and brush it off.

It’s always like this. At every event, your colleagues ships you with every best man or groomsman that shows interest towards you. They don’t know you’re actually married and think you’re single so they tease you. In hopes that you finally get to plan your own wedding. Sadly, you already are married and no wedding will take place.

You take a glance at the said man and he is staring at you, but not in a creepy way. As soon as you make eye contact, he smiles at you. You swear your heart skips a beat but at the same time you will never admit that it did.

“Miss (L/N)?” Yuta calls you out of nowhere. Surprised by his sudden presence, you fall on the ladder you are on and land on top of him.

‘What in the drama is this?!’

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” You push yourself off of the man quickly and bow repeatedly.

“It’s alright! It’s my fault for surprising you.” Yuta stands up as well and when your eyes meet, you burst into laughter. “You’re much prettier up close.”

“So you’re the straightforward type, huh?” You let out a chuckle and he smirks at you. “I thought you’d be a shy one since you have been just staring until now.”

“Well, since you think I’m the straightforward type, let me ask you. Are you single?” Yuta smiles at you shyly this time and you feel your cheeks burn hot.

‘You’re married, (Y/N)! Don’t even think about flirting back.’ You mentally scold yourself and look away from the man beside you. “Find out yourself.”

The glamorous wedding finally ends and it was one of the best weddings you have every coordinated. The couple is so in love with each other and they are surrounded by supportive family and friends. The guests were very uplifting and fun in general. You even made friends with some of the guests and have gotten closer to Yuta.

“Thank you for planning our wedding. This is such a dream come true!” The bride thanks you with a bow. You bow back and say your thanks as well. “And Yuta’s a good boy.” The bride winks at you before she and groom leaves.

“(Y/N)!” Speaking of the devil.

“Yuta!” You wave at him. He runs towards you and pants when he’s finally in front with you. “Can I help you with something?”

“Do you have a drive home?” He asks you so you shake your head no. You’re just being honest. “Can I drive you to your place?”

“My place is just a 10-minute walk from here, so it’s okay,” you reply. You check the time and it’s already past midnight. “I have to go now. It’s really late. Bye!”

“I’ll walk with you!” Yuta offers. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Okay, then. Whatever makes you sleep at night,” you joke and he just laughs.

The two of you walk home and Yuta shares random stories about his childhood. You like it. You like how he is open to you without you trying. You like how he’s initiating first. You like how gentle he is when he is talking to you. You like how he softly calls your name. You like how he’s not hiding that he’s interested in you. But you hate how you want Kuroo to be like that towards you. You hate how you’re still thinking about him.

Kuroo’s words come crashing into your mind again and you badly want to take Yuta’s hand and ask him to bring you home. But your mind is also telling you to come home quickly to Kuroo, even if you know he won’t be waiting for you.

“I’m here!” You say as you arrive in front of your condominium building. “Thank you for walking me.”

“No problem.” Yuta scratches the back of his neck. A change of demeanor happens, and Yuta becomes shy. “Can I get your number? I want to tak-”

“(Y/N)!”

Your world freezes as you hear Kuroo’s voice. It’s 1AM. Why the hell is he outside your building as well? You turn your head see him glaring at you with his arms crossed.

‘What do I do? Kuroo might misunderstand! And I can’t tell Yuta that Kuroo is my husband because he wants to keep our relationship a secret. Oh my gosh! What to do?’

You’re panicking. Your whole system is. You can feel your fingers tremble. Kuroo is walking towards the two of you and is already so close but you still don’t know what to do and say. The particles in your container are bouncing on the walls of your space rapidly because of pressure, and it’s making your mind go blank. Your fight or flight response is not functioning well.

Kuroo has been waiting for you at your building’s lobby since 10PM. He was waiting for your message about him picking you up at the hotel, but clearly you forgot about that. He thought you forgot because of fatigue but clearly that’s not the case.

Especially now that a man he has never seen before walked you back to your place.

“Who’s this?” Yuta and Kuroo ask in unison. Yuta glares at Kuroo, not liking how provocative the guy looks. Your husband raises an eyebrow at Yuta, his feline-like eyes glaring back at the unfamiliar guy.

“Kuroo, this is my friend Yuta,” you start to introduce but they aren’t even listening to you. They’re in this staring contest you don’t know about.

“And Yuta, this is Kuroo, my brother.”

——————————————————————————

Facts:

Your reactions when you are nervous are driven by the production of hormones and equip us to fight or escape from situations that are dangerous or threatening. This is known as the fight or flight response.

Nervousness can cause stuttering and rambling.

Anxiety may be partly genetic.

People who are anxious are quicker to pick up on changes in facial expressions than those who are but they are less accurate. Thus, it causes misunderstandings.

Taglist: @postsfromthe6 @elianetsantana @chaelysian @kiyobbie @lilxstan @moonlightaangel @oh-hey-its-a-simp @kellesvt @lifeisnotdiajoubu @starry-magicshop @stantalentstanunderratedgroups @mint-mai @torilovestowrite @faithmoonxd @agaashesmilktea @birdiewolf @yeibuub @maitenight @ashhhh26 @kageyamasgirl @tnu-ree @avatarkyoshithewarrior @kurokawa-aida @dabisdominion @chanayah @sevenseoul @marissaraeblr @amlnadya @weebintheinternet @shizukusimp @madmelle @soullesstaco @merrdlp @kouholic @kiyoomi-channie @kageyuh @kaachanultra @sabzhabib @134340-cm @toripersonalacc​ @itsimjaebeomsforehead @todobruhski  @graykageyama @coconut-dreamz @rienin @dawnsbaby @kagebunshiin  @heavenini @d-efend

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - Chapter 10

Evening everyone!

I have a present for you.

This lady here will be off on holiday for a week on Friday, so I thought about landing the new chapter tonight.

This one is a juicy one and I hope you will love it. A bit of fluff before the angst gremlin comes back for a visit.

This chapter comes with a smut warning. Yes, you read correctly. In the future I will be using FTB mostly because I find it difficult to write and keep it non cringy, but for this chapter I wanted to try and add some hotness.

Also, for those who haver read Island Dreams, I am heading to Lewis on my holiday, and i might post some photo of the locations mentioned in the fic.

Well, now i can let you enjoy the chapter

Aelin was at home sitting on the sofa, enjoying the food she had just ordered in, a bottle of beer and hockey. Her favourite team the Stags was playing an away game with the Skull’s Bay Pirates. 

The Stags were in the lead in the championship and the Pirates were just in second place, which made that game quite an important one. She was glad she had the night off although they would usually all camp in the communal area of the firehouse and watch the game all together. At least being at home meant she could have a beer.

Ice hockey in Terrasen was a religion. She had been a fan of the Stags since she was a kid and her dad would take her to the games. Then Aedion became her hockey buddy and once she joined the station she started sharing the passion with the rest of the team and they would also go and watch the games all together if possible.

She took a sip of her beer and kneeled on the sofa, the game was getting intense and she could not stand still.

In that instant her phone went off and she let out a curse.

“Oh for crying out loud.”

“What?” She answered while her eyes were glued to the tv.

“Good evening to you as well.” Rowan sounded almost offended by her brisk tone.

“Whitethorn, I am watching the game.”

“Uh?”

Aelin groaned as something happened on the screen and the Pirates almost scored.

“Ice hockey, Whitethorn. You have been in Terrasen enough to know it’s a religion here.”

He replied with a low chuckle. Then she heard him move and then all of a sudden a noise in the background and realised he had his tv on “wonder if they show it here. Wendlyn is not big on ice hockey.”

“You can tell. Their team sucks.” She drank a bit more “I can tell you that we are winning for now against the Pirates.”

“That’s the big match of the season I am gutted I am missing it.”

Aelin got agitated and swore a few times during some actions.

“You are a very scary woman.” She heard him switch off the tv “do you want me to call later?”

“No,” she said softly. She was actually quite happy. Since he had left three days before they had talked quite a lot over the phone at night and she had started to love their ritual. He was the one calling once he was free and she loved that new dynamic of theirs.

“How was your day training?”

“Oh, just wonderful. I spend my days dealing with cocky idiots who think they are gods because they have been admitted to flight school. Then they go ahead, mess up the exercise for everyone, almost get killed and have no respect for rank.”

She let him vent “sounds like you have a bad class.”

Rowan sighed loudly “I have been a flight instructor for six years. I had a few bad apples along the way, but this class is hopeless.”

“Can you do something about it?” She was still following the game but her attention had shifted to him. He sounded quite down.

“I reported them to the academy Commandant. I explained that starting flight school with the wrong foot was not recommended.” Another sigh “In the end it’s their school and they can do whatever they want. I don’t care. Being reckless in a jet is like jumping into a fire in t-shirt and shorts.”

“That would be very bad.”

“I know what the fuck I am doing. I have been doing this for the past 12 years. I have been in combat. Real bloody combat. Those idiots have only seen simulators. What do I need to do to be taken seriously?” He was really mad and Aelin wished she could do something for him.

“Ro, two weeks and a half and you are out. You are back with your team and students that you like.”

“How’s the game going?” He changed the topic, clearly being done talking about it.

“We increased our lead.”

She heard a popping sound “did you just crack open a beer?”

“Oh yes, I need it.”

Aelin smiled “I am having one too. Brullo has this friend who opened a brewery and I bought a few bottles and they are so good.”

“You have such connections and don’t even tell me?”

“I am sorry your highness.”

“You are excused this time. But don’t make it happen again.”

Aelin laughed “what are you going to do? Spank me?” And she froze. She should really need to learn to connect brain and mouth.

“Depends, will you like it?” His reply surprised her so much that she froze with the bottle halfway to her mouth. 

“You just have to hang around and see for yourself.”

He moaned “I will need to get back to you on this.”

“Will it help you decide if I tell you that I am wearing a hockey jersey and nothing underneath? I just had a shower…”

“Aelin…”

“What? Are you interested all of a sudden?”

“Obviously.” He groaned.

“I am teasing you, I have clothes on, but good to see where you stand.”

She heard him groan in frustration “you really are a menace and I don’t know why I bother with you.”

“You don’t have to stay on the phone if I irritate you so much. You are the one who called.” She bit back. Why they always end up fighting?

“I did not mean it like that.”

“Well then go and learn how to communicate with people because I am sick and tired of your attitude.” Her tone had grown angrier.

“Aelin, please. I was joking.” His voice was thick with sadness.

“No, I am so fucking tired of this.”

“Why can’t you believe that I was joking? Why do you always believe that I hate you?” He shouted back “I have been quite supportive with you recently. I have flown in to stay beside you after you lost a colleague. You have a problem with my attitude?” He vented “well, yours is not any better either.”

Aelin sighed “Rowan, why do we always end up like this?” She lay down on the sofa, the game completely forgotten “we had a nice conversation and then it always gets ugly between us.”

“I am sorry…” he paused and meant it “I have been looking forward to calling you. I had such a bad day that knowing I was going to phone you kept me going. I didn’t want any of this. I did not want to fight with you.”

“We are both bad at communicating.” She relaxed a bit. She did not want to fight with him either. And he was right, he had been supportive and amazing. Then she had an idea “Ro, I have four days of holidays coming up. I booked them ages ago, I had plans but they went to hell. Would it be crazy if I flew to Wendlyn? I will play tourist when you work and be out of your way, but what do you think?”

“I’d love that. Very much. It really sucks here.”

“It’s for this Friday. I known it’s short notice—” he interrupted her.

“No, it’s perfect. I don’t have a class this Friday, I can pick you up at the airport. Have Saturday and Sunday as tourists and I assume you are flying back on Monday.”

“Yes.” Her heart started racing. It was a crazy plan, but all of a sudden she was excited.”Let me check my roster, because if I finish at a decent time I can fly in Thursday night so we have three full days. Do you think you can manage that?”

“Happily.”

“Ok, stay there Buzzard, I am putting you on speaker phone.”

She ran to the kitchen and had a look at the calendar on her fridge with her roster and cheered loudly.

“Whitethorn,”

“What?”

“I come off shift at four. Now let me check for planes.”

She went to get her laptop and sat back on the sofa, “do you know any good airlines for Wendlyn?”

He laughed “Yes, my own plane.”

“Funny. Us common mortals don’t have that privilege.”

“I have no idea, Fireheart, I haven’t flown commercial in a lifetime.”

“Fine.” Aelin was silent for a few minutes typing away and looking for flight options. “Ok,” she said after a while “I can get one flight that gets me into Doranelle at 10.45pm your time, is it too late?”

“I guess I will postpone my nap.” He joked and she laughed back. He suddenly relaxed. The fight had been verging on vicious and he had not cared for that.

“On Monday I can fly back with a noon flight.”

“That one is perfect. I can drive you back to the airport and be back in time for my class.”

Aelin smiled wickedly “great, give me five minutes while I book it. Go and do grampa stuff in the meantime.”

“I am not a grampa.” Aelin heard him munching on something. Knowing him it was probably a carrot.

“Ok, now I need to find a place where to stay.”

“My flat?” He added shocked that she would think about staying anywhere else “Aelin, I have a flat. It has a second bedroom. And you don’t have to worry about giving me anything because it’s a flat owned by the airforce. It’s not a castle but it’s nice. You are not paying for a hotel.”

“Are you sure? Three days with me 24/7. That’s a lot of fighting.” She asked. She loved the idea, but wasn’t sure yet if they could survive that long in close quarters without killing each other.

“Perhaps we can leave the fighting aside and work on us?”

Aelin was silent for a moment “Us? As in…”

“As in more than two idiots fighting and pining for each other.”

Her heart pounded in her chest “Yeah, that would be intelligent, wouldn’t it?”

“Definitely.”

“But that’s a conversation for when you are here.”

Aelin smiled. She could not believe it was actually happening.

Rowan yawned over the phone “This grampa here would like to go to bed now. It’s quite late here.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

“I am looking forward having you here.”

Aelin hugged the pillow all excited “me too. Good night, Buzzard.”

“Good night, menace.”

Aelin squealed and threw the pillow at the other end of the living room in utter joy.

Thursday had finally arrived. Aelin thought the day would never come and that time had slowed down on purpose just to annoy her.

“Aedion you are in charge while I am away, will you be fine?”

The man was driving her to the airport “I will be. Go and enjoy your break. We will cope.”

“Ok, you know you can always call Dorian. He can come out on a call.” She was nervous. She hadn’t been away from the firehouse on holiday since before Sam died and was worried about her team.

“Stop fussing. We will be fine. You need a holiday. You haven’t been away in a lifetime. You deserve this.”

She breathed out, relaxing at his words. She knew she could trust Aedion and Dorian had given her his blessing too. 

“Just tell airforce boy to behave or I’ll scratch his toy plane.”

Aelin laughed. Rowan seemed to have a problem with the army but Aedion’s dislike seemed just as strong. To her it was just hilarious.

They arrived at the airport, she grabbed her duffel bag and backpack from the backseat and went to hug Aedion “thank you for driving me.”

“Let me know when you land on Monday and I will come and pick you up again.” And he hugged her back.

They parted and Aelin walked into the airport with a spring in her step and the biggest smile ever.

Rowan realised he had arrived at the airport a bit too early. He was so eager to see her that he had arrived with an hour to spare. He was a thirty year old man giddy like a child waiting for winter solstice presents. Considering their track record, three days together could go down in flame or be a success. A part of him was definitely anxious at the prospect, but when Aelin had suggested the idea he had no doubts. He wanted to do it.

Bored, he paced the arrivals section when a woman walked past him and her trolley ran onto his feet. He almost shouted at the woman but then decided to ignore it.

He viewed airports as pure madness. Utter chaos and he hated them. The good thing about his job was that if he had to travel for work he could use his jet. And when he used to travel with Lyria they had always driven. Now he remembered why he had avoided those places of pure chaos.

He moved to the big window where he could see the runaway and for a while studied the airplanes. One of his ex squadron mates after retiring from the airforce had become an airline pilot and on plenty of occasion had tried to convince him to join him, but Rowan always declined. There was little enjoyment in flying that way. 

While staring at the aircrafts landing and taking off, his hand was tapping on the handrail with excessive energy. 

He huffed a puff and and bored kept wandering around the airport. He had alway considered himself a decently patient man, but in that moment he felt as if he could not wait any longer. Had to really tell himself that she was coming and that it was not his imagination playing tricks on him. 

Luckily by the time his wandering was over, the arrivals notice board had changed the status of her flight to on approach and he went in front of the arrival section, knowing full well it would still be ages before her entrance. 

Forty minutes later he saw her and he was positive he now had the most stupid grin on his face. He recognised her golden mane tied up in a complicated braid. Gods, she was stunning and Rowan did his best not to drool too much.

She was dressed in simple jeans and a hoodie from the Terrasen Fire department and he chuckled. He waved at her and called as well.

Her smile when she spotted him could have lit up the night sky and he was positive his heart had just skipped a beat. 

Quickly an eagerly he walked to her, making his way through the crowd that had gathered.

She ran to him, then dropped her bags on the floor and in an instant she was in his arms. He lifted her up and kissed her. Not caring about the consequences. She was there. That’s all he cared about.

She kissed him back and for a while they were the couple that meets again after a long time apart and could not keep away from each other.

“You are here.” He said kissing her again and then brushed her hair in a tender gesture.

She smiled at him and slowly slid down from his arms.

He bent down and grabbed her bags “let’s go. You must be tired.”

Aelin took his hand and he did not pull away “the flight was crap. As soon as we hit the ocean it was bumpy as hell.”

Rowan chuckled “those civilian pilots struggling to handle a bit of wind.”

With her free hand she pinched his side “Meanie.” She told him “and it was bad and scary.”

He kissed her head “be glad that you have never experienced what a really terrifying flight his.” His voice was sad for a moment and Aelin squeezed his hand back.

“My car is over there.” They reached his vehicle and he dumped her stuff in the trunk.

It was fifteen minutes later when they reached his flat.

“I am a bit outside town but I love it. Much easier to go to work as I don’t have to drive through the centre. Saves me so much time.”

They entered the building and Rowan headed for the lift but Aelin stopped “pet peeve of mine. I don’t take lifts. I have saved enough people trapped in them, that now I don’t use them at all.”

“It’s eight floors, Aelin.” He complained.

“It’s good for your butt. Let’s go grampa.” Aelin grabbed the duffel bag and backpack from him and threw them on her shoulder and made her way to the stairs.

He realised that she was used doing stairs. But he was lazy and always used the lift.

“I am taking my chances.”

Aelin grabbed his hand and pulled him away “Don’t be an idiot. Come on.”

He protested but in the end caved.

Aelin relentlessly climbed on for eight floors and Rowan followed a few steps behind cursing that he had chosen to fall for a super fit firefighter.

“I can tell you some horror storie that will put you off forever from using them.” She told him while climbing the steps two at a time.

When they finally reached his floor, Aelin wasn’t even tired, Rowan instead was ready to strangle her.

“Come on grampa, I am sure your butt and your heart are thanking you right now.”

“Move.” She moved aside and let him open the door of his flat.

Once in, he flicked the lights on and Aelin looked around. The living room was spacious, from one door she could see a kitchen but what stunned her were the floor to ceiling windows at the end of the living room and the view. She dumped the bag and walked there and went to the windows.

“This is amazing.” He stopped at her side “Doranelle is called the City of Rivers. It’s not as beautiful as Orynth but it has its charming spots.” He explained with flat voice.

“Well, from up here it’s pretty cool.” Below her lay a sea of lights, then looking more carefully, she noticed the dark areas and assumed those were the rivers. She was looking forward to see that sight during the day.

Rowan pulled her arm “come on, you must be knackered, I’ll show you to your bedroom.”

She followed him into the room and smiled when she saw the bed. It looked so cozy.

She looked at him smiling “Orynth is a few hours behind so I am actually quite fine.” Gently she pinched his arm “you are trying to get rid of me.”

“I was just being considerate. You flew here after your shift.”

In one step she was close to him “I am quite hungry, though.”

Rowan laughed and patted her head “I knew it so I made something that just could go back in the microwave. Give me five minutes.”

“I’ll go and get changed in the meantime.”

It was much later when she was finally full and she and Rowan were now sitting on the sofa watching some tv. She had curled up her legs under her and his hand was absentmindedly tracing up and down the length of her exposed leg. It was much warmer than Orynth so she was wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt.

She turned to look at him and saw Rowan concentrated on the documentary they had been watching. His face was relaxed, the tension had left his body and the sight of him like that took her breath away. His features always had an hard edge, but in that moment, relaxed, she could not look away. 

“Do I have something on my face?” A half smile appeared on his face.

“No.” She shimmied down to his side and leaned her head on his shoulder and he adjusted his position so she could be comfortable.

“You know I am not a pillow, right?”

In challenge, Aelin snuggled closer and her arms went around his waist. Rowan brought one arm around her shoulder and squeezed it almost in a silent gesture to tell her it was okay. He pulled her so close she was almost on his lap and in instant later his lips were on hers in a demanding kiss. 

Aelin sighed in delight and melted in the kiss. Rowan’s hands sneaked under the t-shirt touching skin. The kiss turned avid, all teeth and tongue and eventually she found herself straddling him. 

Her hips ground against his in a suggestive motion and a wicked smile spread across her lips when she felt him hard against her. Fingers found their target in his hair, and with a gentle tug she angled his neck and her lips began tracing its lines eliciting a loud moan from Rowan. 

His strong hands were a steady presence on her sides, pulling her closer with his thumbs brushing timidly the underside of her breasts.

Rowan’s tongue slowly traced the shape of her lips and she opened for him and when he intensified the kiss she began pondering what that tongue of his could do somewhere else. That image was her undoing. Aelin came up for breath and looked at him, his eyes smoky with lust.

She looked at him with the same desire and she was positive he had noticed the need in her stare as well.

Then Aelin stood and removed her t-shirt revealing her bare torso. She moved a step back and without ever removing her gaze from him she wiggled her finger in an invitation, then turned and swayed her hips on her way to his bedroom.

Rowan ran a hand down his face and eventually stood and followed her.

Shit. He was in such deep, unending shit.

It was the middle of the night and both Rowan and Aelin were still awake. They lay naked under the blankets while she was nested in his embrace, her head tucked under his chin, while he traced lazy lines on her back with his fingers.

She looked up at him and noticed his downcast stare. He looked sad and could not understand why. They just had some mind-blowing sex. Three times. 

“Hey, what is it?” She asked him, caressing his face.

He shook his head gently “nothing. Just thinking.”

“You are regretting this,” she said in accusation sitting up beside him.

Rowan threw an arm on his face and sighed “No.”

“Liar, that is not the face of someone who is happy after getting laid three times.” She folded her arms at her chest. 

He remained silent and Aelin bent over to grab her clothes “don’t worry. I get it. I’ll leave you to it. I’ll find a flight home tomorrow.”

His arm shot out and stopped her, then he sat on the bed and pulled her back “please, no.”

“Then talk to me, damn it.” She threw her clothes back on the floor “I can’t read your mind.” She shouted back frustration rising again. 

Rowan’s hands fisted for a brief moment “I am crazy about you,” he whispered, as if terrified by the admission “and there is a part of me that tells me that is wrong. Reminds me that I lost my wife a year and half ago and I should not replace her so quickly, not after I swore forever love at the altar.” he sat at her side but never looked at her, too scared of her reaction “I loved every single of minute we had together tonight but my stupid conscience keeps telling me that is wrong.” He lowered his head “and I know that my guilt will ruin everything, eventually.”

Aelin fully turned to him and cupped his face “Ro, look at me.” He lifted his eyes and stared in the blue depths of her own eyes “for some crazy unexplained reason I fell for you as well. I think I must be crazy,” she chuckled “I know your pain. Sam was not my husband but almost. After I lost him I promised myself I would not commit anymore. The pain of losing him was so bad that I decided I’d rather remain alone than suffer again.” She told him, caressing his cheek with her thumb “then you annoying bastard came along and destroyed all my resolutions. I wanted to hate you, for so many reasons, but the more I tried to do that, the more I failed.” His lips twitched in a faint smile “the way I see it, moving on is not a betrayal on your wife. You will alway love her, as I will always have a space for Sam. We are in our early thirties, what do you want to do? Stay celibate and miserable for the rest of your life? Pass on opportunities just because you want to be faithful to her?” She explained “also, and I do not mean this to be disrespectful, but didn’t she have divorce papers ready and a plan to cut you off from your kid’s life?”

Rowan collapsed back on the bed and sighed heavily. She was right. He had loved Lyria but she had planned to leave him. “what do you want to do?”

She looked at him with a puzzled expression.

“About us.”

Aelin leaned against him and snuggled back to his chest “one step at a time, remember?” She looked at him and his wonderful green eyes shone in joy “and if my memory does not fail me, you told me you were all in if I were.”

Rowan nodded gently and kissed her head “I still am.”

“Well, we have covered sex, even if we broke the rules, and we know that in that field we have plenty of chemistry, we just need to learn to talk without shouting and communicate better. We both have lots of baggage. What I suggest is that we spend these three days playing couple and once you come back we’ll just go from there.”

His arms folded around her and pulled her as close as possible, her golden hair in his face and the scent of lavender enveloping his senses “I think I like this plan.”

“Good, now let’s sleep though. It’s the middle of the night.”

Aelin kissed him and not long after fell asleep in his arms.

Rowan woke up the following morning and smiled at the warm body at his side. Aelin was sprawled on him, using his chest like a pillow. The blanket had fallen down to her waist and he realised they had fallen asleep naked. With his fingers he traced gentle lines on her shoulders, then leaned over and deposited a few kisses fully inhaling her scent. She moaned and slowly came to awareness and when she realised where she was she gave him a wonderful smile and he kissed her, fully, avidly.

“Someone looks happy,” she joked brushing his short hair.

“Nope, just trying to get back my side of the bed.”

She gently patted his shoulder but Rowan rolled on top of her and gave her a deep kiss “good morning, you.”

She stretched luxuriously in his arms then she kissed him back pulling her body close to his.

“Mmmm,” she moaned “morning wood or are you just happy to have me with you?”

He kissed her, then his head dipped in the hollow of her neck and his tongue traced the length of it “both.”

“We should definitely tend to it.” She teased and a moment later she straddled him “I do like being in charge, just so you know.” She leaned forward and kissed him, then disappeared under the blankets and Rowan cursed as soon as her mouth was on him.

Rowan stood and still naked went to make breakfast. They had remained in bed much longer that he had planned but it had been totally worth it. Their chemistry in the sheets was definitely perfect. Aelin followed him and she leaned, naked as well, against the counter. He bent forward and kissed her “we definitely need coffee.” She turned and Rowan looked at her, her long blond hair unbound and reaching her lower back. Along ragged breath escaped from him, then he went back to preparing breakfast. Staring at her naked form could lead to more dillydallying and he wanted to take her out to explore.

She walked back to him with two mugs of coffee while he finished to prepare French toast.

“Take the strawberries out the fridge, please.”

“I usually put maple syrup on.”

Rowan rolled his eyes “well, I am making them so we follow my rules.”

She pinched his butt “brute.”

Five minutes later they were sitting on the sofa, enjoying their breakfast. She brushed his hair with her hand. “Thank you for this. It was so lovely.” She placed her empty mug on the coffee table together with her plate and she turned to him fully and went for a kiss. Now that they had crossed that line she could not keep her hands off him. He pushed her down on the sofa, laying on her back and he kneeled between her legs. She propped herself on her elbows opening more for him and bit her lower lip at his lustful glance “you are so cute like this…” his voice rough with need.

Without ever averting her gaze she brought a finger to her mouth and slowly sucked it in a suggestive gesture, then her hand trailed down along her abdomen.

“Touch yourself.” At the same time his hand went around himself and started moving up and down while watching Aelin. Her fingers circled around her sensitive spot and he saw her threw her head backward and close her eyes. Her mouth slightly open. He leaned forward and kissed her, his tongue brushing her lips before clashing with hers. Her fingers buried inside her and Rowan lost it. He pushed her all the way down “I can’t fucking resist you.”

She looked up at him and smiled wickedly “then bury your dick inside me, captain.”

Rowan lifted her and walked back to the bedroom in a quick motion. 

His mouth landed on her breasts and Aelin’s hands kept him there, while he sucked and teased with his teeth. A moment later he moved away and went for the drawer grabbing a tie and Aelin lifted her arms above her head as soon as she realised his intentions. 

“This is very interesting, captain…”

Rowan very gently tied her hands to the boards of the head of the bed and then sat on his haunches to stare at her naked form in adoration.

“You are stunning,” he said while slowly caressing her belly. Keeping her hips in place he bent forward and his face disappeared between her legs which then quickly propped on his shoulders.

A savage moan left Aelin’s lips as his tongue found its target on her bundle of nerves and when he teased her with a finger she was all ready to combust.

“Fuck Ro— ” he cut her words with a second finger inside her. Those long digits that curled inside her, causing her legs to jerk while she felt the pressure build inside her. The orgasm creeping up quickly.

“I need you….” She told him breathlessly.

Rowan smiled, undid her ties and turned her around and then tied her again. He grabbed her butt and propped it up and his mouth was on her in an instant “you are so wet and ready for me.”

He went up on his knees and aligned himself with her entrance. His first thrust was gentle and enough to allow her to get used to him, he pulled back just a little and slammed into her to the hilt.

“More…” Cried Aelin grabbing the pillow and fisting her hands in it.

“More…” she begged him again.

His speed increased and Aelin felt her core tighten.

Rowan reached with his finger and teased her clit at the same time. Aelin moaned in the pillow as his ministration grew in intensity, until she could not hold it any longer and pleasure exploded in her making her crash over the edge. And while she was about to collapse into oblivion, she realised that Rowan hadn’t joined her in his release.

The grip on her hips grew stronger and she knew she was going to carry some marks. She met his thrusts and when his pace became frenzied she knew he was close as well. 

“Aelin, I am— ” he groaned loudly as he spilled into her and then collapsed exhausted on her back. He deposited gentle kisses on her back then collapsing exhausted at her side.

Rowan untied her then he took her hand and brought it to his chest “you are a wicked woman.”

Aelin chuckled “I had no idea I had it in me. I never… I mean Sam and I we never… this way, tied hands and all..…” Rowan brought her hand to his lips “Lyria and I did it, at the very beginning. Then it stopped and we calmed down until it became mechanical just because we were married. Once she found out she was pregnant she did not allow me to touch her at all.” He rolled over, facing her and his hand caressed her face “I thought it was because she was not well but…” he sighed “I haven’t told this to anyone but I suspected she was cheating on me.” He confessed and felt lighter. He had kept that to himself for a very long time “and to make things worse, I have a very, very strong feeling that the child was not mine. I think she lied to me on how far along she was.” He closed his eyes for a moment in a pained expression “I know she had stopped being happy about our life for a while. Whatever I did was not enough. She wanted me to retire and give up my job.”

Aelin extended her hand and brushed his cheek with the top of her hand “but she knew from the beginning what you were and what you job entailed?”

“Yes, I was clear from the start. Explained that my job took me away from months on end and all the dangers involved in it as well.” He closed his eyes enjoying the touch of her hand on his face “I think she hoped I would drop my career after we got married.”

“I loved her. I did all I could to show her that I was doing my best to keep the promise I made her at the altar.” He covered her hand with his “I failed her.”

“No,”Aelin whispered, this was conversation was giving her an insight into him and she realised she had no idea of how much pain and regret he was keeping bottled in him.

“I can’t fail you as well.” And she heard his voice break and snuggled closer to him “Ro, look at me.” She pulled his chin down to her “I am all in. I want to be all in. I am terrified, but I run into fires as a job, I know how to control my fears.”

He kissed her in a heartbreaking sweet kiss “I don’t deserve you.” His voice soft.

Aelin cackled “No one does, I am amazing that way. But you come pretty close to being worthy.” She joked and he kissed her back.

Rowan pulled away from her and then pushed her off the bed “come on, time to explore.”

Her blonde head emerged from the side of the bed “shower is mine.” And she bolted for the bathroom, he ran as well but once he got there she slammed the door in his face.

“Don’t spend half an hour in it.” He shouted. Then the door cracked open a little and her hand darted out “there is space for two…”

Rowan laughed and followed her inside.

The shower took much longer than expected and when they finally left the flat it was much later that he had planned. The whole morning had been totally worth it though, they had talked and he had a feeling it had helped move their complicated relationship in the right direction. He had even confessed her things he had never mentioned to anyone. He felt like he could trust her. She knew loss and darkness like he did.

They had lunch at one of the street vendors he had grown to love and now they were walking hand in hand along one of the the rivers and off toward the palace. Aelin walked silent at his side, taking in the city. “That’s the old royal palace.” He pointed at the stunning building they could see in the distance. “There was a monarchy once… and then the people rebelled and it got ugly and it went down and a government similar to what we have in Orynth was created.”

“The palace looks stunning.”

“I think they do tours to go inside. It’s where the government resides now but some areas are open to the public.”

“It’s fine I’d rather walk around and see the city. We can just see the palace from the outside.”

“As you wish,” his arm went around her shoulder and the feeling was incredible.

They walked to the palace and Rowan guided her behind it. When they arrived she was speechless. “It really is the city of rivers.”

Eight of them joined just behind the palace to form a gigantic basin with isles in the middle full of trees. In some parts the rivers went down a wall forming a waterfall.

“This is… gorgeous…” then she looked over and the spray of the waterfall had formed a beautiful rainbow “look,” she said to him pointing ahead.

He pulled her closer and kissed her temple “It’s quite an amazing corner this one.”

Aelin disentangled from him and walked around the area for a while and Rowan took photos of her. She was wearing an amazing green dress with a flowy skirt and he could not keep his eyes off her. 

“Come here you.” He did as he was told and joined her. “Hold me from behind.”

His arms went around her waist and they both gave their back to the basin. Aelin moved her phone so they both could be in the picture together with the magnificent background.

When she was about to click he kissed her temple.

Aelin looked at the photo “I am gorgeous.”

Rowan scoffed “I think you are the one who should move in with ego, although I think that in your case he needs a house on his own.”

She ignored him while she changed the picture as her phone background.

“I am pretending you never said anything.” And walked away from him.

Rowan laughed and a moment later he grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a kiss “Indeed you are stunning, captain.”

Aelin offered him her hand “shall we continue our tour?”

He took the hand she offered and they continued their exploration. They made their way to the area that was known as the historical one. The houses were built in stone of different colours and it looked very charming “here there are a lot of lovely small shops and some very cozy restaurants. It’s probably the most beautiful part of Doranelle.”

They continued walking until they reached a very colourful area “this is so pretty,” said Aelin pulling him toward the built up area.

Aelin dropped his hand and started walking toward all the small shops. She noticed a bakery and she walked in and Rowan followed in silence. Once inside he noticed she was busy chatting with the owner about their delicacies. Five minutes later she joined him with a bag in her hands.

“Did you buy the entire shop?”

She inclined her head and gave him a smile “almost.”

They reached the main square and discovered there was a market on and the place was full of stalls and food vendors. The air smelled of spices and food and Aelin stopped at every food stall enjoying some samples of the local food and buying some as well. Rowan followed her in silence and enjoyed seeing her relaxed.

“Are you going to spend you entire salary on food?” He joked, placing a hand on her lower back.

She turned and looked at him “I am on holiday Whitethorn, shush.”

They reached the end of the road and Aelin stopped in front of a clothes shop. In the window they had the most stunning black dress she had ever seen. She took Rowan’s hand and dragged him in.

“Hi, I saw the black dress in the window, is it possible for me to try it on? It’s stunning.”

“Of course,” said the shop owner “I make all the dresses myself.” She passed it to Aelin and pointed to the changing room.

Rowan sat on a chair and waited for her while his mind tried to picture her in the dress. When she finally emerged again he realised he had no idea how to picture her in such a dress. He swallowed hard as she walked to him.

“What do you think?” She turned to give him a full picture. The back of the dress dropped in a curve halfway down her back. It hugged her curves spectacularly and it had a cut up to above her knee. He was close to a heart attack.

“You… it’s…” he actually had no words “you are perfect.”

She smiled at him and for a brief second Rowan wished they were back in his room because he wanted to show her in another way what he really thought about it.

“Good, I am taking it. I will find an occasion to wear it.”

Once they were outside Aelin looked at him “did you really like the dress?”

Rowan wound his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, his mouth close to her ear “I had so much fun imagining all the possible ways for me to peel that dress off you.” 

“That’s the type of dress I would wear completely naked underneath by the way…”

He pulled her to his chest and bowed down for a kiss “I really hate that we are in public right now.”

She kissed him back. She was loving this side of him. One she had not expected him to have. He always appeared so composed and impossible to fluster. But under the captain’s mask she was discovering him to be quite a very interesting man. 

“You can ravish me tonight.” She added smiling against his lips and then walked away, leaving him alone and dumbstruck.

Yes, they could make it work.

She really wanted to.

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[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 58 DETAILED SUMMARY + DISCUSSIONS/THEORIES

*I wrote this days after the lesson was first posted and never bothered to go back and edit it so meaning there will be me theorizing about the next lesson as well

*I write a small para for each chapter and I write it immediately after finishing that chapter so there’ll be theorizing about the next chapter too

*I swear more than usual here

*Some of the dialogue is heavily plagiarized and a few is lifted directly from the story, the game is to figure which is which.

*Summaries and Discussions/theories for all the other lessons can be found on this blog under #obey me spoilers or #my theories or #my headcanons

This has two locked chapters. So I usually play one chapter and then write a summary for it and then play the next and so on, I don’t come back and edit the summaries or theories I write but this lesson is special enough that I had to come back and write a special intro to it. Hoo BOY! is this something! You think it’s gonna go the usual way with MC solving the problem demon by demon with each of them having some wacky fear and it is like that for a while until it nosedives into TRAUMAtm and ISSUEStm territory and becomes surprisingly dark. And for someone who loves speculating and coming up with theories this whole lesson was a goldmine, Enjoy!

Black mist swirls around the hall, Mammon & Levi shriek and the hall starts rattling until the mist forms pissed off demon Lucifer which makes Asmo yelp (and this is what I mean, the greatest common fear in this group (if you don’t consider Simeon and Lucifer) is probably pissed off demon Lucifer but on their own they’ll probably have different fears.) Levi stutters out that it’s lucifer and real lucifer tells him to calm his tits cause the he is actually with them. MC identifies it as the bogeyman (genius) and it starts shrieking for Mammon and Levi, which leads to Mammon screaming and Levi closing his eyes and chanting ‘no’ as they cling on to Belphie as the entire hall rattles again. Solomon happily tells MC ‘Welp there’s your exam, deal with it.’ Simeon’s slightly more helpful and tells them staying calm is the key. MC says they can do that. Solomon laughs and says that’s the answer he’d expect from his talented apprentice. MC uses a spell “light born of shadow” to repel the spirit, the spell and the spirit makes the wind howl and the hall shake and the spirit growl/groan. To escape the spell it flees into one of the hotel rooms and the hall suddenly becomes eerily quiet. Mammon collapses to his knees and Levi, with his eyes still closed, says he lost 500yrs of his life. Neither of them have still let go off Belphie. Lucifer calls them pathetic for being demons scared of a bogeyman (bro they’re scared of *you* akjdvkdfjjjkdn) Mammon snaps and says he ain’t scared of the bogeyman and Satan asks how he can say that after what they all saw. Levi says it’s not the bogeyman it’s a fully pissed off Lucifer he’s scared of. Mammon still insists he’s not scared. Levi tells him to shut up cause he was so scared he couldn’t stand, Mammon says he just wanted to sit down for a bit. Lucifer calls them pathetic again and Levi protests. Lucifer then says they must find a way to get rid of it for good cause it’ll start to come after each one of them individually. MC says maybe they can admit what they’re all afraid of so that they’ll know what they will be facing ahead of time. Solomon agrees with this plan and tells them to start with the oldest and work their way down, listing their fears. Asmo calls Solomon out on using this as an excuse to find Lucifer’s weaknesses to use later. Solomon smiles and says he’d never do that, Belphie says the look on his face suggests different. Beel says that there’s probably nothing that scares Lucifer and Lucifer says that nothing comes to mind (and this feels like when you’re a child and think your parents are all knowing and invincible only to get a sometimes painful reality check later). Mammon says he doesn’t get scared, Levi calls him a liar and says pissed off demon Lucifer scares him and then he goes on to list fears based off being an otaku (eg: the final ep of a series he loves and etc). Simeon cuts Levi off as his list grows and asks Satan. Satan straight up says “Nothing scares me.” And Simeon smiles and says it takes a lot of confidence to say that (yeah even Lucifer said that in terms of a greatest fear “nothing comes to mind” implying he’s felt fear before and probably had moments of ‘greatest fear’ too. Satan just straight up says nothing at all scares him and I think that shows his age and experience gap compared to Lucifer. Even the way Simeon smiled and said the confidence line felt like he was indulging Satan rather than believing him). Asmo jumps and says being ugly scares him. Beel says he thought about it but he really doesn’t know (with the saddest expression on his face) but he also says a pissed off Satan and Asmo are also pretty scary. Asmo yells at Beel for calling him scary (didn’t Asmo very seriously threaten to rip MC’s heart out in S1? I feel like a lot of people forget this… I’ve seen people say Asmo and Mammon were the only ones who didn’t attack or seriously threaten MC and I’m just like no??? Asmo was definitely ready to kill them and he gets even more pissed if MC says they don’t think he’s the most attractive person. MC doesn’t get the chance to talk back when Asmo threatens them either which makes it seem all the more serious. When Mammon first threatens to eat MC after they first meet he says it in that same over the top way he said he wasn’t scared in this lesson – completely unbelievable. And MC probably catches that too cause they get to talk back and tell him that they literally give no shits about whatever he’s talking about.) Belphie says he used to be afraid of the alarm clock satan gave him which wouldn’t snooze or stop, which he threw away (I feel like they’re greatly underestimating what ‘greatest fear’ means…) Solomon asks MC what scares them the most and the chapter ends. (I HC MC as having heavy abandonment issues, of waking up and finding out this was all a dream and that they’re alone but I doubt OM!’s gonna let them say that)

Asmo’s very excited to find out about MC’s worst fears but Levi says when MC came face to face with the bogeyman and chased it away it didn’t transform which means… Levi smiles and Mammon laughs and goes ‘holy shit you’re scared of Lucifer too!? Asmo points out that Mammon said ‘too’ implying… Mammon vehemently protests. Simeon says that that Luke’s blessing is still active despite it being given some time back and it makes the Bogeyman have no affect on MC. Asmo’s shocked and asks if that isn’t really impressive. Simeon says it is and that Luke’s blessings are so powerful that it even rivals some angels’ higher up in the hierarchy (do you think that’s why Michael has such an interest in Luke despite him having no ranking?) Simeon says Luke himself doesn’t realise how special his power is and MC’s amazed by what a bright future he’ll have. Simeon says he’s looking forward to it. Belphie says once that once Luke grows up he’d be able to banish Mammon with a snap of his fingers (and ansknvjbkdc BELPHIE!? Isn’t this also a self burn you fucking idiot???? Considering Mammon’s the 2nd most powerful and you’re the 7th?????? They really do genuinely forget Mammon’s ranking don’t they?) Mammon asks why Belphie had to pick him to shit on and Levi laughs and says Mammon will totally deserve being banished by an angel. Mammon goes to murder Levi but Lucifer cuts them off saying Barbatos just messaged him saying ‘don’t fucking stand there like fucking idiots kick out the bastard that you lot are responsible for unless you’d rather me come there and rip your fucking innards out you fucking assholes’ MC picks up on a very key fact and says “He’s fucking spying in us!???” Satan says he’s probably watching them at that very moment which creeps Asmo out. Solomon says they should go after it then which has Mammon yelping and Levi protesting. Lucifer says if they all go barging in everything will devolve into chaos and that just a couple should do. Levi laughs about MC being OP cause of Luke’s blessing (love the self awareness) Solomon tells MC to pick who’ll go in with them.

Asmo’s demanding why he got picked and Mammon, smiling happily, says Asmo should consider getting hand-picked by MC an honour, Asmo says they just happened to make eye contact and MC picked him and he can’t help it if MC’s eyes are naturally drawn towards his beauty. (I just realized considering Mammon’s the one MC usually picks for stupid, dangerous adventures so he probably thought he’d get picked and he’s so smiley rn cause he’s relieved). Satan tells Asmo to suck it up and Asmo says it’s easy for them to say since they aren’t been made to go in the room. All sparkly and teary eyed Asmo cries about how his beauty ended up being his undoing. Simeon wishes MC luck and says that should anything go wrong he’ll come in. MC tells Asmo they’ll protect him, Asmo throws himself into their arms and calls them the best. Lucifer tells them to keep their guard up, even with Luke’s blessing. The hotel room looks like someone has used a negative filter on it. Inside Asmo screams and says he can’t take it and that he knows what he’ll see and that an ugly version of himself will be so bad that he’ll have a heart attack and die adding on “I’ll DIE, MC!” at the end for emphasis (wait so bullets won’t kill them but heart attacks are a possibility? Or is this Asmo just being melodramatic?). With tears in his eyes he says he gives up. MC tells him nothing will change how beautiful he is, he agrees but still struggles to argue with it. The black mist then starts forming and Asmo squeaks. With a rumble it shakes the room and transforms. Asmo starts screaming and sobbing about how ugly he looks and how it hurts his eyes. To stop Asmo’s oncoming mental breakdown MC shows him a mirror and he starts cooing over how beautiful he really is but he still says he can’t take it and runs out the room (I like to imagine the bogeyman had to do the bare minimum to make Asmo see a hideous version of himself, like anything less than perfect flawlessness would freak Asmo out.) Back outside Lucifer sounds disappointed that these are some of the most powerful demons in the devildom, Satan calls the whole thing pathetic, and Levi laughs about how they should have known not to trust Asmo with this (..I mean you wouldn’t have done any better either), Mammon mocks Asmo for calling himself a demon, Beel says he’s hungry. Asmo tells them if they’re so much braver than him they should go in. Solomon tells MC to pick the next one. MC happens to make eye contact with Belphie. Without MC even saying a word Belphie realizes what has happened. About Asmo’s fear maybe I’m making it too deep but in S1 and in other places too Asmo talks about how beautiful he was in the Celestial Realm and I always wondered if part of his obsession with his beauty now is because it’s a way to cling on to that, the last thing that he can keep unchanged after his whole world was turned on his head. I think in the very early drafts of OM!, back when the brothers had canonical demonic demon forms as well the writers said Asmo hated his, so it’d make sense after how even his actual form changed he’d cling so desperately onto the human form he shared with his past angelic self.

Belphie asks if they really need him to come, Satan says it’s not like they can let MC go in alone, Belphie says they have Luke’s blessing so they may as well throw them into the sharks (I want to say I really like sharks and am always somewhat upset by the misconception of them as these ruthless killing machines when at most they’re just idiots with bad eyesight) Lucifer says that there’s always the possibility things won’t go as planned, Belphie says then Simeon will just step in (Belphie’s trying so hard guyssss. And like I imagine a majority of it is cause he’s lazy and doesn’t want to deal with this but I also feel like a small part of him knows that something worse than an annoying alarm clock could be waiting in there. I mean your greatest fear can be very personal and for emotionally constipated idiots like this who’ve lived millions of years and fought two wars? I imagine they’d be very private about it.) Simeon says that though that’s the plan it would but an end to MC’s exam. Cause he isn’t part of their additional materials the way the brothers are, says Solomon. Beel begs Belphie to do it for him and that he wants Belphie to keep MC safe. YO! Mammon brings up my point immediately. God I love him. Looking smug, he asks if the truth is that Belphie’s trying so hard to avoid something other than an alarm clock. Belphie looks shocked, then looks to the side and says “No…”. Mammon says then Belphie should be just fine, that it’s an alarm clock and it’s not a big deal (You know and I know that Mammon knows well that it’s not gonna be just an alarm clock, what a shithead picking up on Belphie’s weakness like that and manipulating him when nothing else worked. I love him so much). Belphie agrees to go. Inside the Bogeyman is already forming and a shrill alarm clock starts ringing, until it suddenly stops and everything goes black. Belphie makes a small noise and MC calls his name. He starts asking what’s going on and where MC went, sounding more and more distressed with each question. The wind keeps whistling through. MC says they’re right there. He can’t hear them. He’s now screaming for MC to answer him. Then he starts screaming for MC and Beel. Then for Asmo, Satan, Mammon and Levi. Then for Lucifer. When he gets no reply he says, “This can’t be happening…it can’t be…I…I…” He screams that he can’t take it and that he’s scared, asking where everyone went. MC moves towards his voice and hugs him. He screams for MC and Beel to help him. The chapter ends. This whole scene is haunting. From the bitch black screen, to the whistling wind being the only thing you can hear, to hearing Belphie who’s usually so unaffected start screaming for his family just? How it all started with the shrill screams of the alarm clock which just abruptly stopped. It came outta nowhere. I honestly didn’t think they’d do something like that and I’m shaking imagining what the others might see. I’m 100% sure that Belphie used all his energy to focus on the alarm clock so that the bogeyman wouldn’t pick up on this darker fear and that’s why the alarm clock went off at first. I initially thought Belphie’s real fear will be something directly related to the second war but this makes so much more sense, it makes sense that after losing Lilith his biggest fear would be losing the rest of his family and being alone and just wow I’m??? I love that they did this. It hurt to see but it was desperately needed.

Back outside Asmo and Belphie are both silent and depressed. Beel quietly calls Belphie’s name, saying all the colour has drained from his face and asking if he’s okay. Asmo whines about how Beel only cares about Belphie and hasn’t even checked up on him. Mammon says they both do look pretty awful and Satan says they look like Levi and Mammon did after seeing Lucifer’s pissed demon form. Levi says not to even bring it up. Beel asks what happened inside the room and Belphie says nothing. Beel orders (the key word here is ‘orders’ and it’s so different from his usual self that it was great to see what he becomes when the people he loves are hurt) that MC tell him what happened (and look on one hand it’s important to keep Belphie’s privacy and to not say anything without his consent, on the other hand he will NEVER tell anyone this, something he’s been bottling up for thousands of years, and he really should talk it over with them. Personally I think they should take him aside later and talk it over with him and then if he wants let him approach the others). MC can say “the truth is that…” or “…”. For the first he gets really pissed off and yells at MC to stop. He then takes a step back and apologizes and says he doesn’t want them telling the others anything. For the second Belphie quietly thanks them. He then says it wasn’t a big deal and something happened that he wasn’t expecting. He smiles and tells Beel not to look at him like that. Beel still can’t get over it and still looks furious, saying that he doesn’t know what happened but he knows it really messed Belphie up and he’s not letting it get away with that. He says he’s gonna destroy it and calls MC after him. Inside the room it’s dead quiet. Beel says again he’s not sure what he’s scared of but even if it turns into an angry Asmo or Satan they need to attack it without any hesitation. He says that whatever that thing did to Belphie it terrified him and that they need to make it pay. All of a sudden there’s a flash of light and long groans as the room shakes and the mist forms. Beel tells MC to attack it using his power before it can transform and MC commands him, Beel says his power is theirs to command and everything he does is for them and Belphie. Beel uses a spell to send a bolt of light towards it and for a second it seems to shrink into itself before it comes back stronger and holy shit holy shit holy shit GUYS!!!!! There’s a flash of light and they’re in front of the Celestial Palace except everything is on fire asdjkjdfjcusjosdsjdj FUCK. The bolt Beel had previously sent to the bogeyman instead pierces through the chest of angel!Belphie (FUCK!!?) Beel screams and then screams for Belphie. “Don’t take away my brother too! I can’t bare to lose anyone else…!” MC tries to tell him he hasn’t lost anyone but Beel protests saying he’s attack hit Belphie and now he’s… Beel’s unable to finish that sentence. He then looks at MC and starts pleading with them not to go, again saying that he’s begging them not to go anywhere. They tell him that they’re right here with him. He tells them he’s scared. The chapter ends. AND WTF!!!!????? They really went there huh? I’ve been screaming about the trauma Lilith’s death would have lead to since maybe Mammon & Luke’s train lesson but they really are bringing it up now huh!? I’m just holy shit.

They’re back in the hotel room with the mist swirling around them and at the screams Belphie comes running into the room and tries to span Beel outta it (and isn’t it sweet given how reluctant he was to go in and how shaken up he was after that he’d come tunning in for Beel). Levi comes in next with his eyes closed and stuttering but wanting to be there for Beel, then Asmo with tears in his eyes saying they’re not gonna abandon their “adorable little brother” despite how scared they are. Mammon comes in next, red faced and also with his eyes shut and asking Beel where he is, Lucifer comes in after telling Beel to focus and stay with them. (guys they’re all such good brothers I can’t deal). Beel seems genuinely touched that they all came for him. The Bogeyman flares and seems to grow again and Satan puts himself in between it and the others, angry that it had messed with his brothers and saying it was up against him now and he wasn’t scared of anything. The think groans and the room shakes and they’re in the coliseum like place in the Devildom (the place where Diavolo said he found Lucifer with Lilith after they fell) and everything around them is on fire again. Mammon asks if it’s turning into Lucifer again and Belphie says it looks like it is. It turns in to angel Lucifer (oh boy…I actually stood up and walked away. Satan…….dude….holy shit?). Satan gasps as the reveal and I genuinely think he didn’t know it was coming unlike Belphie. The name reads Lucifer (?) and I’m gonna just directly quote what he says. Also Angel Lucifer surrounded by fire and this pale purple aura with a kinda blank yet pissed off and judgmental expression while tense lowkey creepy music plays is actually kinda scary? I think it’s the fact that he’s supposed to be an angel but he looks genuinely scarier than when it transformed into demon Lucifer… Anyway: “…Satan, you fool. It’s time you learned your place. Because in the end, you’re nothing more than an inferior copy of me. You must already realize that.” Satan growls at him to shut up but he continues, “I know you, I know how you think. Because you were modeled after me. I was the original.” Satan says, “…Stop it.” It laughs and says while smiling, “It seems you don’t want to admit it, do you? You don’t want to but you have no choice. You hate it and you hate yourself. You’re consumed with self-loathing, aren’t you?” Satan screams at it to stop. Screaming that it’s not true and then screaming shut up over and over at an increasing volume. Lucifer, real Lucifer, tries calling Satan’s name, telling him to get ahold of himself. This shocks Satan out of it for a while. Lucifer goes up to him saying, “Satan, I need you to listen to me. You and I are not the same. You’re not me, and I’m not you.” He says his hobby is music while Satan prefers reading and that Satan loves cats but Lucifer would pick dogs. “You’re not a copy of me. No… You’re my brother.” He says he’s the brother to Lucifer, the avatar of pride and that he’s Satan the avatar of wrath. He asks if that isn’t his name. Satan is speechless after that. He turns to MC and asks them to tell him who he is. “You’re Lucifer’s younger brother, Satan.” This makes him laugh. He agrees with them. Saying he’s Satan. “No one else, just Satan.” He tells MC to use their pact. MC uses a spell to lend power to Satan and he uses that for a spell to banish the bogeyman. There’s a bright flash and everything turns white. (Holy shit Satan….the fact that it was angel Lucifer who was his worst fear and not normal Lucifer, that it was angel Lucifer’s judgment he feared? And I think I said this in two of the other summaries too but Satan’s the only brother Lucifer didn’t choose. Lucifer as an angel chose all his siblings and practically adopted them into his growing family. Satan was the only one who just came along and who Lucifer had no choice but to keep. Do you think that could be one of the reasons why it was angel Lucifer he specifically feared? Everyone else was with angel Lucifer in the celestial realm and fought by his side except Satan, Satan was never even an angel. He was always a demon who angels were taught to hate. Do you think it’s possible that he thinks that if angel Lucifer had the choice he wouldn’t have chosen Satan and brought him t the family? And that’s why the fairies thought he needed to meet angel Lucifer and hear him say he wished he had a brother like Satan. Also is it just me but does Satan have imposter syndrome vibes? Like the feeling that everything he achieves is cause he’s a shade of Lucifer and Lucifer’s just naturally perfect so he always has to work even harder to be better than Lucifer to prove he’s his own person.)

They’re back in the hotel room, except now all the colours are back to normal. Mammon asks what happened, Beel asks if it was destroyed and Belphie tells Satan his last spell was really impressive, Asmo tells Satan that he’s amazing and that he made his heart race, Lucifer says it was excellent and says well done. (lowkey disappointed we didn’t see Lucifer’s greatest fear but whatever). Satan dismisses all of it, saying it wasn’t a big deal and trying to move on and turn attention on how he’s gonna convert all the leftover emotion he has after having his vulnerabilities forcefully displayed in front of everyone into anger so he can murder Levi and Mammon. The two yelp and make a break for it. The other 3 also give chase, with even Beel saying he wants to take a bite outta them, while Mammon and Levi scream about how they’re gonna get eaten (…what would the other guests think…). Solomon follows the 6 of them happily to watch the carnage. Simeon asks if Lucifer wasn’t going to chase after them and he says he’d run himself ragged if he chased after them each time they fucked up. The two of them then congratulate MC and they say they couldn’t have done it without a.) Satan. Simeon says it was them who was able to draw such immense power from him and that their talent was impressive. B.) all of them, Lucifer laughs and says that some of them weren’t any help at all. Lucifer’s smile then slips and he tells them to wait a minute and sike that bitch is back! It has barely any strength left and is making one last attempt. Everything flashes white and it transforms into a bright light streaming from the window. The next two are direct quotes. Simeon: …! That light- Lucifer: Simeon, calm down. This one’s “mine”. Lucifer transforms into his demon form, saying something that transforms into your deepest fear is something he could live without. He says, “And here I’m thinking we would never meet again.” And I feel like he’s talking to the ‘light’ and not the bogeyman they thought they killed. He tells MC to use his power. They do and Lucifer uses the same spell as Satan and the bogeyman is finally killed. Simeon is silent and looks upset. Lucifer says they killed the last of it and they should be safe. He says it’s a good thing MC was there next to him or it might have ended very badly. Simeon’s still silent and Lucifer refuses to make eye contact with him. He says he’s going to check on his brothers and says he’ll see them later. Simeon’s silent and now looks thoughtful and MC can ask him a.) If something’s wrong. He apologizes and says he’s fine and then sighs and says “Oh, am I?” b.) they wonder if Lucifer’s okay. Simeon says he’ll be fine because Lucifer is strong and then quietly adds “…unlike me…” C.) they ask what that light was. “Not what.” Says Simeon, “who…”. Okay there’s so much to talk about I think my brain died. 1st – Simeon is stunned when the light first appears and Lucifer has to tell him to calm down that the light was his fear. Which meant Simeon thought the bogeyman was reacting to him and showing him his own fear and that means Simeon and Lucifer’s worst fear is the same thing and Lucifer knew this as well. Now you could say Simeon thought this light was the real deal and not the bogeyman and that’s why he reacted that way and that’s why Lucifer told him it’s just his fear BUT Lucifer said beforehand that the bogeyman had not been killed an they all see the mist forming and the room shaking and the thing groaning before the light is formed so it’d be hard to make that mistake. Plus simeon’s “unlike me” line seals it and pretty much confirms that Simeon and Lucifer share the same greatest fear. And I said earlier that I believed the bogeyman acted on the common fear of everyone it could affect but both Simeon and Lucifer were sure it was their own fear that was taking shape, plus the bogeyman only had enough strength for one last target, so yeah the ‘light’ is definitely both of their individual greatest fears. 2nd – who was it. MC’s being talking with a voice in the light every once in a while and I always assumed it was Michael cause he seems to have the same position in the celestial realm that Diavolo has in the Devildom. But why would Michael be Lucifer’s greatest fear? It’d make more sense for Lucifer’s greatest fear to be his Father but that’d mean MC’s being chatting with God this whole time and that’s absolutely fucking insane and I’m not even gonna consider that further. So Lucifer’s greatest fear is (probably) Michael but why? Because of what he represents? Because of what happened with Lilith and their Fall? Because he could threaten Diavolo’s plans for harmony? Because of some other unknown trauma? 3rd – What happened to Simeon? We know he was a seraphim who was demoted for some reason. We know he stole from Michael and was caught and Michael called him back to face some sort of consequences. We know after this he was stationed semi-permanently in the human world for some unknown reason. We know he’s meeting with angels (probably raphael) here in the human world. But what happened that made the angels or Michael his greatest fear? What did he mean by Lucifer being strong unlike him? Personally I think despite the Celestial Realm saying they cast the brothers out, the brothers actually fled after Lilith was struck. I think Lucifer asked Simeon to come with him and I think Simeon denied him and instead helped them escape and this lead to his demotion. We know from that one devilgram that after meeting Diavolo for the first time Lucifer realizes the Celestial Realm nor his Father particularly care for peace with the Devildom, while Diavolo’s actively seeking it and that demons and the devildom are not like what he believes they are. The more Lucifer meets with Diavolo the more he learns about the Devildom and the rest of the world, as Mammon said about Luke, he learns about the real world, how the angels aren’t always right and how there’s more to everything than the Celestial Realm and so the more disillusioned with the Celestial Realm he becomes. As Simeon was his closest friend he might have relayed this all to him, or at least given a vague idea of what he’s starting to see and Simeon in turn starts seeing things from Lucifer’s perspective or more accurately he starts seeing the whole picture (and this is what Barbatos means when he says Simeon is likeable because he’s different from the other angels) unlike Lucifer though this doesn’t make him angry at or resentful of the celestial realm – it just opens his eyes up to its faults but that doesn’t mean he loves all the good parts of it any less – So when Lucifer offers him the chance to leave (the way Simeon himself sees it) he’s never strong enough to take that leap. Or that’s at least my theory of what happened till the next lessons clear it up.

Simeon is still silent and looking upset and then he laughs and apologizes because he can’t seem to stop trembling (and okay first wtf? Also so the theory about Lucifer and Simeon sharing a greatest fear was right. But also what the fuck did Michael do that’s made Simeon tremble? Though the first time the brothers spoke of Michael Mammon said he still shook thinking about his punishments… But would Michael do anything like that to someone who used to be a fellow Seraphim? Was that light really Michael or was it the Big Guytm cause that’ll be terrifying I don’t want to deal with that…). MC asks him if he’s okay. He says he appreciates their concern ands says it’s just that the light was just a sight he hadn’t seen in a long time AND WAIT!? SO IT WASN’T MICHAEL!!??? IT ACTUALLY WAS GOD!!!??? I’M WHEEZING AND NOT IN THE LAUGHING WAY WTFFFF HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY!!!??? AND WAIT SO MC’S TALKED TO A VOICE IN A LIGHT ABOUT THRICE NOW??? WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT!??? PLS TELL ME AT LEAST THAT WAS MICHAEL!? I’D LOSE MY SHIT IF IT TURNS OUT MC’S BEING COMMUNICATING WITH GOD HELP-  I’m okay. I’m good. I took a walk. Simeon’s still trembling and MC hugs him. Simeon blushes and says humans have a strange warmth to them. He says that sometimes he wonders if MC would make a better angel than him (which supports my ‘not strong enough’ theory in the previous paragraph). He holds them back tightly. He says there’s something he wants to tell them and says I- before Asmo screaming for MC to come watch them torture Levi & Mammon cuts him off (would he confess to them again? He did it before and it seemed done when they rejected him and he backed off. I guess emotions are more complex than that). He looks upset at the interruption but covers it with a smile and says it seems like they’re wanted. He asks them to drop by the café later and says they can continue the discussion then. The two of them are hung up upside down, Mammon’s screaming to be let down and Levi’s sobbing and screaming at Mammon not to throw a temper tantrum right next to him. Diavolo says they make an interesting chandelier but that they don’t fit with their interior design. Mammon screams at him to then fucking let them down. Barbatos suggests a muzzle. Satan suggest shutting them up with their fists and Belphie says it’s too much work and that they’ll juest wear themselves out. Beel says there’s a style of cooking in the human world like this. Lucifer says these two don’t look appetizing and that he’d rather have actual churrasco. Solomon welcomes MC back and gives them the star of humility. He says they are now officially a sorcerer. Diavolo and Barbatos both congratulate them. Asmo says they’re amazing and that he’s even more smitten with them. Belphie says he’s really impressed and says good for them. Beel says he’s really happy for them and says nice going. Satan says “MC the Sorcerer” has a nice ring to it. Lucifer says well done. MC thanks them all. Solomon says nothing makes him happier than seeing his apprentice become a full-fledged sorcerer. Mammon yells that he wants to be part of the celebration too and to let him down, Levi says he’s going to be sick. And the chapter and the entire lesson ends.

[therealvinelle]

Maybe I missed this at some point, but as part of the Edward Speed Debacle, how exactly is everyone keeping Edward from knowing that they're going slow when racing him and that he's not actually that fast, given that he can read their thoughts?

Ah, I suppose meta on Edward's gift isn't out yet.

Suffice to say, he's... well his confidence is undue.

Edward Cullen is easily blockable, we see as much over and over in the books. He catches only surface level thoughts, he can't even go into a person's subconscious. His mindreading is very limited.

Port Angeles is the best example to illustrate this.

In Midnight Sun, when Edward searched for Bella, he was eventually able to pick out the minds of the men about to hurt her. He saw the world through their eyes, a guest in their mind. However, he didn't know what they knew. These men were somewhere in Port Angeles, and they themselves would know their own location. Edward, however, was unable to know it through their minds, he had to wait for one of them to glance in passing at a street sign to find their location:

I scanned out from him, desperate for something that I could use.

(...)

One of them glanced down the street, nervous—he didn’t want to get caught harassing the girl—and gave me what I needed. I recognized the cross street he stared toward. (Midnight Sun, chapter Port Angeles)

These guys didn't even know they were blocking Edward, and they did it anyway. He couldn't get the information he wanted from them.

Of course, one can argue that it's a case of not thinking about elephants. Once you know there's a mindreader nearby and you definitely should not be thinking about elephants, you're gonna find yourself thinking about them. But, to that I'll raise the counter that the Cullens have perfected the art of blocking him. We see this during Bella and Edward's wedding preparations especially, Alice successfully keeps Edward in the dark about what she's got planned.

Thirdly, there's the fact that Edward mostly uses his gift to reinforce what he already believes. It's not even his gift, really, it's just how Edward relates to the world around him. He has certain set ideas, and if new information enters the equation he will either force it to make sense or... force it to make sense. He sees things a very particular way, and is confident enough to not doubt his interpretation of things.

(I am, of course, referring to how he views- well, everybody. But Rosalie, Carlisle, Jasper, Aro, and of course Bella, are particularly good examples of this. Edward has cast them all in a particular light, and now like a stage where you can't see the actor unless he's standing directly in the spotlight, Edward sees only what he believes to be there.)

What I'm saying is that even if one of the Cullens slipped up and thought something incriminating about speeds, Edward would dismiss it. And that's not just an Edward thing, really, it's common psychology - you have this thing you take for granted, a known fact, and you hear Rosalie grumble to herself that she had to slow down so you'd get dibs on the mountain lion, you'll wonder about that but you won't go "Ah, yes. My whole family has been engaged in a conspiracy to keep me thinking I'm the fastest for eighty years."

In summation, Edward is blockable, his gift gives him only a very limited scope of information, and he's very good at picking and choosing what he wants to hear.

But, really, I think all of this is worth getting into in a post of its own, so I think we'll cut musings about Edward's gift off right about here.

(Though for the record, this is why I ugly laugh at the thought of Aro ever needing Edward by his side. Edward is useless, while Aro is touching divinity. Edward would bring nothing to the table.)

[greengrayeyeswrites]

shit-faced in love (chapter one)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,630

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn't like fanfics about him, I'll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2

— — —

„You did what?!“ Baylee screeched into the phone and Imogen sighed. She was standing in Ballinlough Community Park and watched Buddy run around in circles, greeting the other dogs. 

„Baylee, please don’t yell… This is stupid enough even without you screaming in my ear.“ Imogen rubbed the bridge of her nose and Baylee sighed. „I just can’t believe you pinky-promised on taking Pole Dancing classes when reaching two mil… Imogen, you know you’re depressed and suffer from BPD, right?“ Imogen chuckled. 

„I know, Bay. I was diagnosed often enough“ she quickly rolled her eyes and watched Buddy stumble over his feet. „To my defense, I was shit-faced hammered when we made that plan.“

Remembering the drunk game of Proximity Among Us a few months prior, where Imogen had a playful banter with the deep-voiced Youtuber Corpse Husband, send a shiver down her spine.

She was already tipsy. Tipsy and the imposter and running around like a maniac, killing everyone who came across her, when Disguised Toast asked her, what she wanted to do once reaching two million subscriber.

Her drunk laugh had ringed in everyones ears as she promised to document herself taking Pole Dancing classes like Seán and Mark had once done. 

„Do it in San Diego“ Corpse had chuckled and Imogen had pursed her lips. „You want me to fly all the way to the states to take Pole Dancing classes?“ She had asked before killing off his little astronaut.

Once back in the lobby Corpse, whom she was getting to know at that time, started talking about the weird and drunk induced idea.  „You wanted to visit your best friend in Houston anyway, right?“ The man spoke and Imogen had nodded—even if no one except her chat could see it.

„Then come to San Diego. I bet there are good schools here.“ And after taking another sip from her Vodka Imogen grinned. „Sure, why not!“

But Imogen had low-key forgot about this situation and when Corpse tweeted her this morning, her whole face flushed and she remembered everything about the drunk Among Us session.

„But are you doing it?“ Baylee’s voice brought Imogen back to the reality. „Are you really coming to the states?“ Imogen bit the inside of her lip. „I’m meeting my therapist later today. I will definitely talk about this with him and see what he has to say.“

Imogen heard Baylee hum in the background. „I would be happy if you’d come and visit me“ she started and Imogen pouted. „Me too!“ She watched Buddy run towards her, with a stick in his mouth.

She knew she had pinky-promised Corpse that she would fly over to San Diego and document her Pole Dance classes. But was she brave enough to actually do it?

— — —

Two months later, it was a hot and sticky day in June and Imogen was looking at the suitcase in front of her. She still couldn’t believe what she was about to do.

With a one-way ticket to Houston and Buddy’s pet passport in her hands, nothing was in her way to travel over the pond. She got tested negatively for Covid and was ready to embark on this new journey.

She had a good talk with her psychiatrist about the upcoming journey and he told her that she was currently stable enough to travel. He stacked up her medication and told her that she could always call him, when she felt like the mood swings were too much to handle.

It took Imogen two months to prepare Buddy for the upcoming trip, and a lot of meetings with his vet to check if the fluffy dog would be okay in two eight hour flights. 

Imogen had her phone at her ear and was currently talking with non other than her internet friend Sykkuno. „Do you think Buddy is going to be okay?“ Imogen asked, fumbling with the hem of her pajama top. „You’ve prepared him well! You checked his health with the vet and talked with airline. You also got a letter from your psychiatrist, that Bud needs to be with you at all times!“ Sykkuno spoke and Imogen sighed.

„I know, Sykk… But I’m a little anxious that he’s going to get sick throughout the flight.“ She looked at Buddy, who was still sleeping on his cushion. „I just read so many horror stories about pets dying during flights.“ - „I feel you, Imogen. I would be super scared if something would happen to Bimbus.“ 

Imogen sat down on her bed. She still had a few hours before she had to head to the airport. She was happy Sykkuno had picked up the phone, otherwise she would’ve freaked out.

„I’m seriously happy that there are no size requirements for emotional-support-dogs… I already booked business class seats so Bud and I can have more space.“ She sighed and Sykkuno chuckled. „Just imagine the faces of all these business men wondering why there’s a full grown Siberian Husky in business class“ his laugh rang in her ears and her heart jumped.

„Not gonna lie, Sykkuno, but I can’t wait to finally meet you in person!“ She grinned and looked at all the documents, that were sprawled out on her bed. 

There was the letter from her psychiatrist, stating that Imogen needed the animal for psychological reasons; a prescription of why Imogen needed said animal and all the other veterinary documentations.

Imogen could hear the one year older male laugh. „Me too, Imogen!“, his voice was as soft as usual. „I can’t wait for Bimbus and Buddy to meet!“ He chuckled and Imogen nodded.

She had contacted almost all of her closest Youtube friends and had asked them if they wanted to meet, once she and Buddy set foot in America. 

Sykkuno was one of the first to tell her, that he wanted to meet her and Buddy. Then came Rae, that invited her to do a collab or something for their channels. Poki also contacted Imogen, asking if she wanted to hang out with her.

But the one, Imogen hadn’t believe would approach her, was Corpse Husband. Corpse had called her—it had been one in the morning in Ireland—and told her that he wanted to meet her, once she was in San Diego for her Pole Dance class.

„You want to meet me?“ Imogen asked him. „You never show your face and yet you want to meet me… in person?“ His deep laugh rang in her ears. „Yeah… is that weird? We’ve been texting everyday and I really want to meet Buddy!“ Imogen rolled her eyes.

„You want to meet the dog, not me?“ He laughed even louder and Imogen was worried for a second. His breath hitched. „Are you okay?“ - „Yeah, you just sounded as if you were jealous of your dog.“ Imogen rolled her eyes and bit her fingernails.

„You know he’s not just my dog, but my companion, right?“ - „Yet you’re jealous of me wanting to meet him.“ Imogen knew that it was no use talking to him and sighed. „You know what? Let’s meet and see if you really only want to meet Buddy.“

Imogen shook her head as she remembered the late-night calls and texts from the faceless YouTuber. And she could only fathom how stressful it must be for him to actually invite Imogen over.

„When’s your flight?“ Sykkuno asked and Imogen sat down on her gaming chair, overlooking her room and sleeping Buddy on the floor. „It’s in few hours. I still need to dress properly, I’m still in my pajama. And I still need to head up to Dublin.“ Imogen laughed. „Your layover is in Washington right?“ - „Yes, I wanted to stop in Washington because Buddy can only hold in his pee for about nine hours.“ A chuckle left the black haired girls mouth and Sykkuno laughed. 

„It’s his usual sleep duration“ Imogen looked at her wristwatch. „Dang, Sykk… I’m sorry but I really need to hang up. I definitely need to get ready. Sorry Bub!“ The YouTuber on the other line laughed. „It’s okay, Imogen. Get ready. Text me once you’re boarded and in case you need anything!“ 

Imogen grinned. „Thank you Sykkuno. Really, thank you!“ She said her goodbyes and hung up. Looking at the watch one more time, she took a deep breath. 

Imogen stood up and put her phone on her desk before rushing to the pile of clothes she decided to wear for the journey. She decided on a simple black skinny jean and an oversized black print tee. 

It was one of her go-to outfits and one she felt the most comfortable with. Even if people on the internet were sometimes thirsting over her posts and pictures; she still didn’t give them thirst traps by choice.

 She would’ve never imagined people nutting over her posting a picture of her legs covered in cuts and bruises. 

Imogen never thought people would find her scars hot. And she always exclaimed in her videos, that it wasn’t pretty, that she wasn’t romanticizing her illness. She wanted to spread awareness that it was be ugly. That’s why she posted pictures of her legs. 

She wanted to show, that it wasn’t pretty, having legs covered in self-inflicted cuts and bruises. But people still thought it was hot and edgy because she dressed like that. 

Imogen straightened her hair and checked herself in the mirror. Her eyeliner had the perfect wing and her usually dark eyebags weren’t as prominent as usually. 

She took a deep breath. „Americas… here I come…“ she looked at her dog, before taking her phone and posting one more tweet, before getting ready to head up to Dublin for her first flight of the day.

to be continued...

Taglist: @wineandionysus

[personasintro]

My Tiny Secret | 22; Look At Us Now (FINAL)

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 22; Look At Us Now (FINAL)

⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.

⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut, fluff, mistress au, unexpected pregnancy au

⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: strong language

⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙

a/n: this was supposed to be posted on my birthday, as my gift for you but unfortunately I wasn't able to finish it in time. anyway, hope you'll enjoy this! all I wanted to say is written at the end of the chapter!

His back meets the backrest of the black leather chair as he stretches his arms above his head, a sigh of satisfaction fills the empty office from the feeling of his tensed muscles finally relaxing. When he opens his eyes, realizing he closed them in the first place, he's met with the frame picture decorating the glass desk. Just a few seconds staring at it, and his lips twitch into a small smile.

The sight of his son holding a football ball, enveloping it with his delicate arms, is enough to make his day and night lighter, no matter how many times he has found himself staring at it. It's been there for at least year, remembering that day clearly.

He took Yoojin and you to a huge football stadium, after finding out his son's interest in the typical boyish sport. It's quite funny because when Seokjin was little, he used to love football. Unfortunately, he had no one to take him to football stadium or even a single football pitch. At least not until he was old enough to go to the nearest football pitch where he found a few friends.

But even with those sad memories of his failed childhood, it makes him want to do all those things for his son. He doesn't want him to feel lonely, left out and unloved. It's something he felt ever since he has seen him through the hospital glass, wrapped in a white blanket, without properly realizing or acknowledging it.

His trail of thoughts is interrupted by his phone beeping with an incoming call, your name flashing on the screen. Not wasting a second, he reaches towards the device, swiping his thumb across the screen before he accepts the call.

“Hey,” he breathes out, making himself known as he hears Yoojin on the other line, telling you something as you shush him.

“Pumpkin, wait a minute, I need to speak to daddy,” you tell your son, while Seokjin's ears perk up in interest but he doesn't hear anything coming from Yoojin in response. “Sorry about that. He's being wild today.” you chuckle, a faint sound of television going on can be heard.

“Is he giving you a trouble?” he asks, chuckling at the idea of the three year old making your day adventurous.

“Nah, nothing I can't handle.” you grin, and it's not something Seokjin can see from the other line of the call, but he can hear it in your voice.

“I don't doubt it.” he jokes, grinning as he licks his lips.

“I've handled his father, I think I can handle him just fine.” you tease, earning another set of chuckles from Seokjin who finds your remark rather amusing.

He knows you're just teasing, he got used to it after such a long time of the two of you spending time together. He allows himself to laugh, finding your teasing and jokes funny, even though sometimes, it annoys him to the point his brows start to twitch. But it only makes you laugh even more and fuck, he never thought someone's laugh could be so pleasant to his ears.

“Hmm, I'm sure about it.” he hums, biting into his lower lip to hide the smile that's settled on his face.

If you were here and saw him, you'd tease him about it until the tip of his ears get red. It's one of your specialties to annoy him, often leading him to whine like a little boy.

A little cough coming from your mouth shakes off his thoughts, fully focusing on your voice.

The rustling sound is followed with your voice, as you speak once again. “Are you still coming tonight?”

“Yeah, of course. I told you I would, didn't I?” he says, checking the time on his silver watch. If he wants to be on time, he should head to your place any minute.

“You did,” He can hear the smile in your voice, “But if you're busy or tired, maybe I could call Hobi and ask him if he can babysit. I totally understand if you want your Friday evening free.”

“Y/N,” he sighs, shutting you up straight away. “I told you I don't have any issue with babysitting Yoojin. I'm heading now, be there in ten.” he says, dismissing your idea right away.

He is tired, of course he is. But he barely got to spend some time with Yoojin this week, he misses the little guy so much.

“Okay.” you murmur, responding before he clicks on the red button, canceling the call.

The ride to your apartment building is quiet and peaceful, escorted with the beautiful lights of numerous buildings. It's a random thought, but he finally gets the appreciation of Seoul's nighttime appearance. He remembers seeing you fascinated by it every time he drove you home, or maybe it was your need to stare out of the window rather than him seeing the side of your face. Whenever you were upset about something he did, you'd shut him off completely and ignored him.

He was pretty subtle with the observing, especially when it involved you.

However, as soon as he stands up in front of your front door – the key you gave him itching in his pocket but he decides not to use it – and knocks firmly enough for you to hear, he's not hiding his observing eyes. How can he, when you look completely dress up in burgundy thigh dress with an off-shoulder neckline, showing off your collarbones. Your hair is darker than it used to be when he met you, but he likes it. It brings out the color of your eyes just perfect. Your make-up is soft, nothing too fancy or too eye-catching, just enough to make your eyes pop better.

Grabbing the doorknob tightly, you set your lips into a tight smile, when you see him eyeing you. Is it too much?

He stares at the silver necklace with a 'Y' letter that lays between your collarbones, before he manages to breathe out a brief greeting. You greet him back, inviting him in as you make your way into the living room. He can't help but stare at you, even as he's taking off his shoes and suit jacket, hanging it on the rack.

All he can see is you, slowly following you into the warmth of your home, hearing a distant sounds of a cartoon that's playing on TV.

“Daddy!”

He whips his head to the sound of cheerful Yoojin that runs towards him, ready to jump into his father's arms. He manages to catch him just in time, met with the scent of fabric softener that you use. It sets a feeling of peace and relax inside of you, because it smells like home.

“Hey, pumpkin.” he greets him, meeting his son's cheerful eyes as his small arms are wrapped around Seokjin's neck, staring at him.

He giggles at the nickname, even more when Seokjin pokes his cheek.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees you pacing around the room, a purse clutched in your arms as you place your phone inside of it.

Looking around the room, you make sure you don't forget anything important, until you're met with Seokjin's dark brown eyes staring right back at you. Yoojin starts to blabber about his day, mentioning something about his new friend in the kindergarten and fuck, he feels like the worst father for not listening to him. All he can see is you, tucking a strand of hair that's styled in a huge wave behind your ear. He gulps, averting his sight on Yoojin instead, who just runs towards the couch and plops himself there.

“Do I look okay?” you ask sheepishly, staring down at yourself as if to check yourself, but the only reason behind that is, that you don't have to stare into Seokjin's eyes.

They're too intense to look at, especially when your heart hammers dangerously fast.

“You look good,” he coughs, “Any special occasion?” He can't help but ask, knowing what your answer might be.

He babysat Yoojin couple of times, it's nothing new. It was usually just you working later than usual, or you meeting some of your friends and colleagues in the evenings. It wasn't anything often, not that he minded babysitting his own son. Not at alone. He loves spending his free time with him, especially when he's not living with the two of you. It all makes it more precious, even though you've told him multiple times he can come around anytime he wants, or take Yoojin somewhere.

He has never said it out loud, but he's glad you're hanging out with your friends. Knowing how much of your time you had dedicated to raise Yoojin and fully dedicated yourself into the role of mother – to the point you barely hung out with anyone – he knows you deserve it.

“Just a date.” you respond, chuckling as he raises his brows in surprise.

The curiosity kicks right in, a fair amount of questions about your date invades his mind, but he swallows it down with a weird twitch of his lips. It's weird how awkward the atmosphere just got, even though there's nothing wrong with you going on a date.

There's nothing romantic going on between you two, since you and him have decided to focus on raising Yoojin together, even though there were a lot of times of intense staring or need to touch each other. No matter how this need is powerful and annoying, there's no love in that. Some part of you loves him, of course you do. He's your son's father but you're not sure whether you fell in love with him. You don't think so, you would know.

The same thing happens to him.

There will always be some part of him that wants you to himself, but he knows it's not healthy. It's just a greedy feeling caused by the connection he feels towards you. You're not his and he's not yours. Shockingly, he's not as surprised as someone would've guessed. He knew this would happen one day but still, he can't believe it's happening now.

“I should go,” you murmur, walking towards him as he still keeps hovering over you, even though you're wearing a pair of heels. “If anything happens, just text me. I've got my phone with me.” you inform him, like every time he's about to look after Yoojin.

You're aware that he'll manage, knowing he's reliable, but you still feel the need to tell him that.

He chuckles, thinking the same thing like you. “We'll be alright.” he assures you, causing you to nod but you don't walk away just yet.

Cocking his head at you in confusion, you nibble on your bottom lip.

“Why does this feel so weird?” you almost whisper, looking down to the floor, not having the courage to look him in the eyes.

Slowly, he cups your chin with his fingers before he tilts your head up, your eyes meeting right away. “What? Going on a date?” he chuckles again, although there's nothing amusing about it.

You hesitate before he gets a slow nod from you. Cupping your cheek, you lean into the warmth of his palm automatically, growing embarrassed but you don't move away.

“Just be yourself,” he decides to say, gently caressing your cheekbones. “Maybe don't have an attitude and sharp tongue on your first date.” he says, his tone light and teasing as you roll your eyes before you nudge his firm chest.

He refers to the first time he met you. It brings nostalgia almost right away but you still find his remark amusing as you laugh. His hand falls from your cheek, cold replacing the warmth he left there, while you try not to show your disappointment too much. He doesn't want to cross any lines, keeping his distance after the moment of weakness, and you respect that. That's what the two of you settled on.

Deciding it's time to go, you walk up to Yoojin who's completely unaware of situation, eyes staring at the cartoon he chose to watch.

“Pumpkin, give mummy a kiss. Daddy will put you to bed, okay?”

He only nods, eyes still boring into the huge screen, even as he messily kisses you into the corner of your mouth, causing you to snort.

The way to the front door, with Seokjin trailing behind you, while you tell him all the instructions about his bed time. You know no matter how many times you tell him he shouldn't be watching cartoons past his bedtime, you're aware of Seokjin letting him to do so anyway. He's just too soft whenever it comes to Yoojin. For the tenth time, he assures you that he knows and opens the door from you, as you wave at him for the last time.

When he sees your back, heels clicking against the marble floor in the hallway, he finally closes the door and goes back to Yoojin. Plopping onto the couch, he ruffles his hair but the kid barely reacts.

“Mummy looked pretty, didn't she?” he asks, not particularly waiting for any response.

“So pretty.” Yoojin says, looking at his father which manages to muster a gentle smile, wondering if the little boy can see right through him.

But he giggles before he pays attention to the television again, laughing at some funny scene. He keeps staring at him, seeing nothing but the resemblance between you and him. He has your smile and as he keeps looking at his son, he sees nothing but you. Shaking his head, he focuses his attention to Toy Story playing on the television, a cartoon Yoojin has seen hundred times.

But even then, his mind still drifts to you, no matter how loud Yoojin's laugh is.

It's weird.

Being out without Yoojin, not experiencing his wild giggles or tantrums. It feels weirdly calm, not having to check on him every few seconds but still, you miss him. But that's not the only thing that makes you feel out of place.

It's been a long time since you were on a date.

The only man you've spent your free time with was Seokjin, when the two of you were hooking up. Is that even the right term? Anyway, that can be hardly said as a date.

“Was the food good?” Your date asks, staring at you with big eyes.

It makes you smile at him, appreciating how thoughtful and caring he has been for the whole night, before you assure him the food was perfect. He carefully chose one of the best restaurants nearby, your eyes nearly popped out at the prices. No matter how many times you've assured him you're fine with whatever he plans, he still wanted to show you he doesn't care about money. It's cheesy, yet thoughtful of him.

“I didn't know where to take you. I remember you mentioning something about loving steaks, so I found this place on the internet. I don't usually go to fancy restaurants, but I like it here.” he explains, reaching for the glass of water.

He's the driver tonight, making sure he's the one taking you home instead of calling you a cab. You wish you could drink champagne together, maybe it'd help with his nervous fidgeting every now and then. It's cute. He's cute for acting so nervous, even though he knows you. You've never seen him being so shy, yet manly and attentive.

“I like it here. But you didn't have to spend so much money.” you tell him softly, seeing him already waving his hand at you.

“I know, but you deserve it.” he says, smirking when he sees you shyly reaching for the glass of champagne as you hide your grin.

“Thank you,” you smile, “I never thought you liked me. Well, at least not this way. I thought you were always just friendly.”

“I did and I was, but before I had the courage to ask you out, you were snatched by that rich man.” he fakes irritation, teasing tone in his voice as you laugh.

“Taehyung!” you scold him, laughing right after.

He joins you, grinning at you.

Your meeting was completely unplanned and funnily enough, it happened in the coffee shop you both worked at. You decided to grab a coffee when you took Yoojin to a nearby playground, knowing you'll need some caffeine. The shock when your name left Taehyung's mouth is still clear to this day. The first sight of him, after such a long time of not seeing him, you were left speechless. He has that effect on you right now.

His shoulders got broader and he looks more masculine, but he still remained that handsome and funny man you remember. You're not an idiot, you've noticed the stares of women he was receiving when you walked towards your table.

When you were getting a coffee, he noticed Yoojin straight away as he stood next to you. He talked to him and surprisingly, Yoojin was very talkative. He giggled, talked to Taehyung about the most random stuff and they instantly clicked off. Which again, is a surprise because Yoojin tends to be very cautious with strangers. A few innocent moments of getting a coffee and random hangouts at kids' playground, Taehyung had the guts to ask you out. And here you are.

It's different and weird, but nice.

When dessert time comes, your phone blinks with a notification and you apologize for the sudden interruption, even though you were just enjoying the dessert. Taehyung just waves you off with a soft smile, silently telling you it's absolutely okay. He knows the reason behind your phone placed on the table is purely because of Yoojin.

[9:41pm] hobi: how's the date??

You almost snort at the message, knowing Hoseok just can't wait to call you and make you spill all the details about your date. He even called you before Seokjin came to your place, making sure he FaceTimed you to check your outfit and make-up.

[9:42pm] great!

His message comes right away.

[9:42pm] hobi: that's it? care to elaborate??

[9:42pm] i'm on a date hobi, talk to you later

[9:43pm] hobi: fine, use protection this time

You almost choke, cheeks burning at his message before you lock your phone. Taehyung notices your flashed face, asking you if you're alright and you quickly assure him Hoseok is just being inappropriate. He laughs, not questioning his messages but from the little smirk, you can see he gets the picture.

When your phone beeps with another notification, you groan and pick up your phone again, ready to tell your best friend to kindly fuck off. But the message isn't from Hoseok, other than laughing emojis he sent you. It's Seokjin who sent you a picture and when you open it, you smile right away. It's photo of them, laying on the couch. Yoojin is showing his teeth, grinning at the camera while he holds his plushy of soccer ball that Seokjin got him. His father simply smiles at the camera, but you find yourself staring at his dark eyes longer than you should.

[9:46pm] miss you

You text him, a word 'read' on the screen pops right away. Bubbles appear, signaling he's texting you back.

[9:46pm] seokjin: both of us?

Your heart flatters as soon as you read his message, your toes curling with a weird feeling in your chest. Biting your lower lip, you glance at Taehyung who seems to be busy eating his dessert to notice your sudden change of expression.

Thank fuck.

Your fingers hover over the keyboard for a few seconds before you start typing.

[9:47pm] yes

It's a simple word, yet it leaves you excited and nervous at the same time. If you weren't in a restaurant, you'd probably squeal out loud.

[9:48 pm] seokjin: then come home

It leaves you guilty, torn between what you should do. If you leave right now, you'd feel bad for Taehyung because he doesn't deserve it and you're enjoying your date. At the same time, it doesn't feel fair towards him. You're on a date, texting with the father of your child that you miss him.

Locking the phone, you chat with Taehyung for a few minutes until you're both done eating.

“Wanna go home?” he asks, paying the bill before the two of you walk out of the restaurant.

“Yes, please.” you answer, probably too quickly for your liking but thankfully, Taehyung just chuckles and opens the car's door for you.

He doesn't kiss you when he drives you home, but he gives you a very warm hug and soft kiss into your hair. He smells nice and you enjoy his hug, feeling sad when he pulls away. After he makes sure you're inside of your apartment building, you watch him driving off through the glass door before you make your way home.

There's darkness, a muffled sound of television in the background which creates the only illumination in the living room. When you take off your heels you go there, following the sounds and lightening. Seokjin's laying on the couch, eyes staring at the screen but you notice him drifting off before he notices you.

“Hey,” he rasps out, looking at you as you greet him back.

“Hi,” you smile, “Where's Yoojin?”

“Sleepin'.” he responds, pointing towards the door of his bedroom.

He informs you he fell asleep quite early, they watched a few cartoons and played some games before he went to sleep.

Staring at Seokjin, your hands twitch at your sides as you nibble on your bottom lip. As if Seokjin could read your mind, he chuckles and makes some space for you.

“Come here.” he calls out to you, and you don't hesitate, laying next to him.

He pulls you closer, arm carefully placed above your head as he tries not to overstep any boundaries. This is not the first time the two of you are in this position. You're cuddling, barely touching each other with your hands, but just feeling his presence and warmth is enough for you.

“How was the date?” he asks silently as you plop your hands over your stomach.

“Good, he is very nice.” you murmur.

“That's... good,” you hear him swallow, “You deserve someone who's going to cherish you.”

It's almost funny how your heart skips a beat, although you've heard him being this direct and honest a few times. He opens up much more these days, saying stuff that makes your head spin and heart flutter with each word, even though he's not swooning all over you. Maybe that's what you want for him. Well, not to swoon over you but add a little bit more feelings to his words. He says it as a fact and a friend.

“Thanks.” That's all you can say. You fear he's going to hear the tremble in your voice.

“I know I wasn't treating you right, not the way you deserved. I was harsh all the time.”

You've had this conversation a couple of months ago. The night when Yoojin fell asleep after a long day and you opened a bottle of red wine. You didn't get drunk, not when there's your son sleeping in the next room. But the red liquid brought much more honest and intimate conversation than you've ever expected.

Because you can already hear the regret in his voice, you decide to stop him.

“Seokjin--”

“And I hope someone else can treat you better.”

“I wasn't innocent in that too, you know that,” You ignore his previous word, focusing on the topic that doesn't involve someone else in your life.

There are so many things, fucked up things, you both did. He needs to know that. And as many times as you told him that, he still blames himself for everything. He bursts sometimes, spitting remarks when he's frustrated but the difference this time is, that he apologizes right after. You can always see the regret in his eyes, voice filled with apology.

Before he can react, a soft whisper comes out of your mouth.

“I hope you'll find someone who's going to love you.”

You've no idea why it hurts when you say that. You want him to find someone, someone who will bring the light inside of him. It'd be interesting to see him being in love.

“Yeah,” he breathes out a chuckle, almost amused and sarcastic.

“Maybe you'll have another baby. It wouldn't be with your fling this time.” you try to joke, breathing in relief when he chuckles in a response.

“I don't think so. No more babies.”

“Why? You're amazing father to Yoojin.” you laugh, silencing yourself since you don't want to wake up your son.

“Maybe, if you'll be the one who carries them.” he teases, nudging you with his shoulder.

This time, you're glad for the lack of lightening in the room as you blush but giggle at his words. He's joking, you know that. He has mentioned not wanting to have more kids couple of times.

Yawning, Seokjin looks at you as you sheepishly grin at him.

“I'm gonna head to the bed. Argh, I'm too lazy to take a shower.” you groan, slowly sitting up. He sits up as well, rubbing his eyes as he yawns too.

“Are you staying?” you ask quietly, slowly poking your inner cheek with a tongue.

“I don't know.” he answers.

You can hear the uncertainty in his voice, like every night he's about to stay over. He has his huge condo he bought after he divorced his ex wife, yet he mostly spends his time here. Not that you mind it. You enjoy his presence, his stack of shirts and boxers in one of your drawers are the perfect proof of it.

“Come on, my bed is big enough for the both of us.”

It should be weird for the two of you sleeping in the same bed, but it's not. It's not unfamiliar, even though it doesn't happen that often.

“Are you sure?” He sounds unsure, cocking his head to the side.

The right side of his hair is rustled and you bite onto your lower lip to prevent a giggle escaping your lips.

“Or you can stay on the couch. But I know it's not as comfortable as my bed is. Your choice.” you tell him, turning around as you make your way towards the bathroom.

When you're done with taking a shower, you walk into your bedroom just to find him laying in your bad. On the same left side like he always does, causing you to smile.

You lay on the bed, wondering if he is asleep since there's barely any sound indicating that he might be awake. Your back is turned to him, pushing away the urge to cuddle up to him, even though you've never properly cuddled.

Just as your eyes are slowly closing, mind already drifting away before you hear his soft but raspy voice.

“Goodnight.”

You smile into your pillow, opening your mouth.

“Goodnight.”

With the peaceful silence and having that someone next to you, falling asleep is easier and quicker than ever before. Your mind and dreams are already filled with two men, with no idea how your heart truly feels about them.

No matter what, you need to figure it out.

author's note: Wow. Can you believe this? The end. The actual end of My Tiny Secret, a drabble series that were supposed to be a small drabble I randomly came up with. Then I wrote the second part which could've been read separately. But the reactions were so supportive and amazing, that I've decided to make it into a full drabble series. To be honest, I've never thought it'd have 22 chapters in total, I was thinking more of like maybe 10 chapters. But as I was writing it, a lot of ideas came up to my mind and all your amazing responses helped so much! I had to stop myself couple of times from creating another 'drama' or lead the storyline to a complete different level, because I had so much content to work with. I had to remind myself that this is supposed to be small/ less complicated than my other series. However, I love how we could see the characters' development and realistic scenarios. Reading all your theories, thoughts and reviews have brought so many smiles on my face and it's safe to say, that MTS became this big because of you! Your constant sweet messages motivated me so much that I never wanted it to end. But every story ends and I know so many of you wanted the ending to be them ending together or the complete opposite. I don't even know when I realized and knew what ending I want, but during writing their story it came to the point that I knew I wanted it to be them co-parenting. I knew it from the beginning that they won't stay together. There is a really thin line between love or simple attraction. No matter what the ending is, I hope you've enjoyed this journey with me. Thank you everyone for reading & being so supportive as always. I'm definitely going to miss my inbox being full of MTS asks, but I can't wait for you to read the rest of my stories I'm preparing for you! Again, thank you & I love you. Can't wait to read all your thoughts/asks about MTS for the last time!