#ugh. tired of my fucking stomach hurting as well its been a week can it Chill for once

[phagodyke]

feeling better this morning not in a sense that the issue has gone away but I'm deciding not to focus on the shit that's out of my control and problem solve for the shit that's within my control. even if it sucks and its hard I can't live my life feeling like this so often man

[dr4cking]

Can i request a reader x Draco smut based on they are bff's and both have a crush on each other so, the sexual tension between them explodes? Ofc if you want to.

Finally.

draco malfoy x reader | smut | anon requested.

a/n : hi thank you for requesting! this is my first request, i tried my best and i hope you like it! <3

y/n and draco has been best friends since they were born, their parents being best friends too makes them two inseparable. like now, they were watching a muggle movie snuggling to each other in malfoy manor, in draco’s bedroom to be exact. it was a summer break, two weeks before they going back to hogwarts. luckily his parents is out of town for business. "merlin.. isnt he so hot draco? i mean look at him, he could ripped my heart into pieces and i would say thank you.” y/n said with a heart eyes looking at the screen of the muggle electronics, admiring the main character. “oh please y/n, he‘s a muggle, wizards could do so much better” draco scoffs, jealousy started to bubbling up inside him.

“yeah? which wizards?” y/n turns to face him, raising her eyebrows at him teasingly making his face flushed.

“me” draco whispers softly under his breath hoping y/n didnt catch it.

y/n giggles at him and give him a peck on his cheek. “you’re cute, y’know?” draco blushed at her little action, quickly focusing on the screen.

the first movie had finished and draco switched it to another movie. after half an hour passed, y/n let out a tired yawn.

“draco im kinda tired and sleepy, im gonna take a nap, you can continue if you want and wake me up later if you feel bored enough" y/n said as she slowly falling deep into her sleep. draco just nodded, rubbing her back and continue watching the movie until he get really bored and watching y/n sleeping peacefully. a blush appeared onto his cheeks as he studying her figure, he had been in love with her since forever but he didnt know if she feels the same and he dont wanna ruining what they already had right now. his thoughts were interrupted by soft grunts coming from y/n's lips. he looked at her watching her breathing gets heavier and she shuts her eyes weirdly he never seen her like this before, until he heard another soft whimper left her lips and he connecting it together and realized, is- is she having that dream right now? he was about to wake her up but he heard his name coming off of her lips in such a pleasure way? "draco- there, oh-" y/n's body shifted uncomfortably at her side of the bed arching her back as she still sleeping. draco scrunched his eyebrows in hearing his name repeatedly left her lips, he was getting hot and turned on by the thoughts of what y/n might be dreaming right now. "y/n wake up darling" draco shakes her body softly not wanting to startle her. y/n slowly open her eyes and rubs her face, she stares at draco confused why is he waking her up. "whats wrong, draco?" "im sorry darling its just- ugh- its- it seems like you were having that kind of dream, darling, are you sure you're feeling comfortable?" draco asked while y/n blushing so hard right now as she realized what is he talking about, she hides her face in embarrassment. draco looking straight to her and give her reassuring smile. "i- im sorry draco you're not supposed to heard that- oh my god- i-" y/n try to explained it but she just lost at her own words. "its fine darling, no need to apologize and dont be embarassed i just thought i should wake you up" they stay in silence and sitting awkwardly next to each other, the sexual tension is too hard to deny. draco fiddling with his fingers. "did it always happened?" draco asked raising his eyebrow looking deep into her eyes making her shocked and looking down. "well i mean yeah, i dont know why it happened tho" "to be honest.. me too sometimes, m- maybe you should just release it?" draco asked boldly, he widen his eyes as he realized what he just said. while y/n froze and she feels her heart just stopped, she's blushing even more at his suggestion.

they stared at each other lustfully and started to leaned in. when their lips met, its like it was meant to be, two worlds connecting together. the kiss was rough but still passionate, draco put his hands on her waist laying her down gently not breaking the kiss while she put her arms around his neck pulling his hair lightly and moaning into the kiss. draco started to go down kissing every inch of her skin, sucking on her neck making love bites everywhere, causing y/n to moan a little louder. his hand tugging at the bottom of her tshirt he looked up at her asking for permissions, she nodded and he take it off of her.

draco stopped for awhile to admiring her body, he had been craving her for so long and now he cant even believe he finally get his chance, his hand goes to her back unclasping her bra and throw it somewhere, he stares at her body fully in admiration while y/n blushing madly like a tomato right now. his mouth instantly attached to her nipple playing with it and his hand playing with the other one while his free hand started to go down feeling her wetness through her shorts. "damn baby, you're so wet, this all for me? can i take these off now, love?" y/n nodded eagerly and moaned softly at his touch unable to giving him his permissions. "i need words baby" "just fuck me already, draco!" y/n yelled impatienly. draco smirked at her and shaking his head. "patience, love" he pulls down her shorts along with her underwear, revealing her glistening cunt, he licks his lips and stand up to take off all of his clothes, they're fully naked now, and he get back on top of y/n again. "tell me about your dreams, baby, what did i do in there? did i do this?" his fingers rubbing her clit and teasing it earning a moan from her, while his lips kissing her inner thighs softly, making her getting more impatient. "yes draco, more pleas- shit" y/n moans louder as draco positioned his face between her legs and starts to eat her out. his fingers slowly entered her, curling them inside pumping in and out making the girl a moaning mess. "draco- im- im so clos- wtf?! what the hell do you think you're doing draco" y/n glared at him as he pulled out his fingers when she was near her high. draco smirked at her. "relax baby, i just want you to cum all over my cock." y/n groaned in frustration wanting him to fuck the shit out of her already, draco noticed and his smirk get wider, he lining his cock up and down at her entrance making y/n gasps at the sudden action. "you ready, baby? tell me to stop if you're not comfortable, okay?" draco said as he pushed half of his cock inside her making both of them groaning at the feeling, draco buried his face on her neck and y/n dug her nails on draco's back scratching his back making him going deeper inside her. draco paused his movement letting her adjust to his size for a few seconds and he look up to her asking if he can move, y/n slowly nodded. draco pulled out his cock until it was just the tip inside only to slamming it back again slowly not wanting to hurt her, their moans filling up the room, he quickens his pace moaning her name as he going deeper and deeper inside her. "yes- fuck- draco- right there!" y/n screams his name out loud when he just hit the spot that she doesnt even know it existed. draco keep pounding into the spot harder and faster, helping her reaching her high. y/n screams his name over and over again screwing her eyes shuts seeing the stars as she feels her high is finally snapped, triggering draco to cum any sooner too, she panted heavily, her legs becoming to feel like jelly now, draco's thrust became sloppier and he feels his cock twitched inside her, he bites her shoulder softly and burying his face on the crook of her neck screaming her name as he emptied his thick cums inside her, filling her up.

y/n stroking draco’s hair softly, his eyes still screwed shut and mouth hang open, he collapsed on top of her body as he finishes inside her, y/n smile at the sight of draco's right now, butterflies filling her stomach, draco pulled out slowly as he feels his dick softening, y/n winces at the loss contact and feeling the sore has coming, draco smile proudly at her and kissed her passionately which she gladly returns with the same passion showing how much they love each other. they pulled away and draco rolled to the side staring up at the ceiling processing on what had just happened with his best friend, y/n did the same too until he broke the silence. "you have no idea how long i've been wanting to do that, that was the best i've ever had" draco is facing her now, caressing her cheeks and giving her face soft kisses all over the place, y/n smile and nodded. "me too draco, so what does this mean for us?" "i will not denied it anymore y/n i've been in love with you since day one and only see my future with you, let me take you out on a proper date tomorrow but for now, will you be mine, y/n?" draco asked nervously, afraid he will get rejected. "of course draco, i feel the same too, im yours from now on and will always be." y/n chuckles getting on top of him kissing his pretty face before reconnecting their lips. "so, round two?"

[disgruntledspacedad]

The Rules of Engagement (4/5)

part of the The Better Love Series

pairing: Javier Peña x fem!reader/ofc (Ears)

summary: (slow-burn, sexual tension, angst, a little bit of h/c in later chapters) He’s a DEA agent. You work for Centra Spike. Peña’s not your boss, exactly, but you’ve been fwb long enough that certain people are starting to think of you as An Item, and that just won’t do. 

words: 3.7k

warnings: 18+ for alcohol, language, smut, violence, general trauma. 

a/n: unbeta’d. Yeah, I know - I can’t count. This is gonna be five chapters. 

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

MASTERLIST

Murphy nearly bowls you over on his way down stairs, pulling up short when he sees you. 

“Shit!”

You glance down at yourself. Your clothes are rumpled and covered in ash and bile. You don’t even want to know what your face looks like. There’s rubble in your hair.

Murphy is still staring open-mouthed.

“The pharmacy below my apartment got bombed,” you explain hollowly. “I’m fine, I just need a shower.”

“You look like you need a hospital,” Murphy counters, eyeballing you with something akin to worry. “Fucking Christ, Ears, if Javi -”

You snap your eyes up at the mention of Javi. “Have you heard anything?”

For the first time since you’ve met him, Steve Murphy cracks a grin at you. “On his way home now.” He looks as relieved as you feel. “We got him.”

You manage to smirk back. “Good.”

“Congratulations, by the way. This one’s on you as much as anybody.”

“Thanks.” You sag against the side rail, trying to be subtle about it. Now that the adrenaline has worn off, your legs are shaking, and you think it’s only a matter of time before you fall over.

Murphy notices, because he reaches for your shoulder to steady you. “I really think-”

“No.” You cut him off forcefully, glaring at him with all the energy you have left. “No, Steve. I’m tired, that’s all.”

He sighs. Narrows his eyes. Frowns. “You’re bleeding.”

What?

Murphy gesturers to your temple with a finger that you have to stop yourself from flinching away from. “You’re bleeding, Ears,” he repeats, as if he’s expending a great amount of patience by pointing it out to you.

You reach up, wincing as you notice for the first time that your head hurts. When you draw your fingers back, they are coated in blood.

Murphy moves closer to get a better look.

“It’s just a scratch, Murph,” you tell him wearily. As far as you can tell, that’s true. There’s no gaping hole or giant gash, just a stinging little cut right at your hairline. “You know how head wounds are.”

He’s still glaring suspiciously at you, and you let him, meeting his gaze in silent challenge.

Eventually he sighs. “Okay, your funeral, I guess. Gimme a minute.”

Before you can retort, he ducks back inside, leaving you standing awkwardly on the front step. The walls are thin - you can hear him rummaging around in the kitchen. He’s back seconds later, key in one hand, a slip of paper in the other.

He hands you the paper first. “This is my pager number. Javi’ll be back soon, but I want you to contact me if anything crazy happens.” He motions to your head with his thumb.

“Okay,” you promise.

“And here’s this.” He presses the key into your hand.

You look up at him wide-eyed. “Murphy, you can’t just give me Peña’s key.”

“What, you think it would be any different if I stepped across the landing and did the honors for you? I’m already late.” He runs a hand through his hair with a huff. “Besides, he’d want you to have it.”

Somehow, you seriously doubt that.

Murphy fixes you with a stare. “Trust me.”

“Hardly,” you mutter, taking the key from his hand anyway. You hold it up for emphasis. “But you’re taking the fall for this one, alright?”

Murphy rolls his eyes. “I think I can live with that. Stay safe, Ears, and page me if you need anything.”

♠

You resist the urge to flop down on Javi’s sofa and sleep for a thousand years, instead making your way to the shower. Peeling away your dusty clothes feels so incredibly good. So does the hot water. You take your time, exploring the lingering aches and pains in your body as you scrub them with Javi’s little sliver of Irish Spring. Aside from a few bruises and that one little slice on your temple that won’t quit oozing, you’re not injured anywhere. You think you might be a little sore from being thrown backward tomorrow, and your lungs still feel funny and raw from having the air knocked from them, but otherwise, the bombing of your apartment is more inconvenient than anything.

You try very, very hard not to think about Emilio.

You step out of the shower only when the water runs tepid, the cold jarring you awake. Javi only has two towels, it seems - one left out to dry on the towel rack, the other crumpled in the corner with a pair of boxers. Nice. You opt for the one that’s on the rack, wiping yourself down then wrapping up your dripping hair.

There’s something deliciously deviant about sneaking naked through Javier Peña’s apartment when he’s not home. You shake away your guilt, trying hard not to be too weirded out or too turned on as you rifle through his dresser drawers. You’ve got to wear something.

Eventually, you come away with the green t-shirt and the only pair of sweats the man owns. You eye yourself in the mirror, considering. Javi’s clothes are ridiculous on you - you have to roll the sweats three times at the waist just to keep from tripping - but hell, at least you aren’t naked. Looks like that cut finally stopped bleeding, too.

Carefully, you pull your hair into a sloppy braid and gather your dirty clothes, doing a cursory sweep of the apartment to see if Javi has anything else that needs washing. Other than the little pile in the bathroom, you find a t-shirt and a pair of mis-matched socks in the corner by the nightstand. Not bad for a single guy living alone, you decide.

You make the trip downstairs to the communal laundry room quickly, noting the time on the kitchen clock when you return. You don’t feel like waiting beside the machine today. Flopping on the sofa has lost it’s appeal - you’re bone weary, but every time you close your eyes, you see fireballs and charred bodies.

Sleep is not on the agenda.

Sighing, you make your way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, glancing at the clock for the umpteenth time. 9:42. You put the water on, then shuffle downstairs to switch the laundry to the dryer. 40 more minutes, and then you can get out of here.

And then what?

You examine your options and find that the list is short. You aren’t going to stay here any longer than necessary - you’ve intruded on Javi’s privacy enough. Your only friend in Colombia is Ana, and that’s off the table for obvious reasons. Murphy isn’t at home, and Connie had left for the States just weeks after you’d arrived. Back to work, then.

You decide that’s best anyway. Somebody fucking bombed your apartment. Well, the mark was probably Emilio’s drug store, but still. Bombings don’t happen in Bogotá - that’s a Medellín thing. Especially a civilian target.

The rush of anger that consumes you is staggering. Who did this, and why?  Bombing a business is a very Pablo Escobar thing to do, but a small pharmacy? In Bogotá?

Ana and her father are good people. You know deep in your bones that they aren’t involved in the drug trade. You also have major doubts that this was an accident. So, what the fuck?

The injustice of it all makes you feel small and cold and helpless.

You’re missing something big.

Javi doesn’t have a television in his apartment. Even if you did have access the news, the information that you’re seeking is hardly going to be broadcast on live television, and certainly not so soon.

Work really is the best option, then. Between the bombing and Verdugo’s arrest, the sicarios must be on red alert. Maybe you can pick up on some chatter. 

Besides, you probably need to let Stechner know about your situation as soon as possible.

You glance at the clock. 10:07.

Ugh. You rise up on your tiptoes, bouncing in frustration. Caffeine and adrenaline have made you jittery. There’s something really cringe-worthy, too, about being alone in Javi’s apartment without his knowledge, especially given the way things ended between you.

The memory chafes, and you shake your head hard enough that it throbs.

Goddamn this day.

A shrill beeping jerks you from your thoughts, and you barely manage to stifle a shriek. Your pager!  You’d forgotten all about it. Your stomach swoops as you pick it up.

The number that flits across the screen belongs to Javi.

You take a breath. Weird. Aside from that one brief conversation yesterday, you haven’t spoken to him in weeks. It probably has something to do with Verdugo, you decide. Maybe he wants to inform you personally. That would be nice of him. After all, this was a pretty big arrest for you, too.

You locate the phone in the kitchen, dialing the number with trembling fingers. Damned coffee.

“Peña.” His voice is terse, clipped.

“Got your page,” you say warily. He sounds like he’s in a mood. “Is there -”

“Where are you?” he demands, cutting you off harshly.

You blink, startled. Forget ‘a mood,’ Javi sounds fucking livid. You’d assumed he’d be pretty relaxed, considering. “Umm, I’m actually at your place,” you speak slowly to hide the shakiness of your voice. Fuck, of all the times to get emotional. “Listen, my apartment was bombed. I just needed -”

You’re interrupted again by a sharp sigh. “Stay there,” Javi grinds out, and then there’s nothing but dial tone.

Slowly, you place the phone back in its cradle, processing the conversation.

What. The. Fuck.  

Bits of plastic clatter to the floor as the pager smashes into the refrigerator - you’re hardly even aware of throwing it. You sink to the kitchen floor, cradling your head in your hands and doing your damnedest to just breathe.

It’s not fucking fair. He was the one who stormed out slamming doors. You haven’t pressed him, haven’t been a nuisance. Well, aside from basically breaking into his apartment and borrowing his shower.

But fucking hell, somebody - probably Pablo Escobar -  just bombed your fucking apartment. You’re living in a foreign country and you don’t even speak the fucking language. There’s nowhere for you to go, and your clothes were a mess, and goddamn, you are just tired.

What were you supposed to do?

Footsteps thunder up the stairs. God, that was quick. You manage to leap to your feet just as the front door slams open with a bang.

Javi stops dead when he sees you, and your tirade dies in your throat.

“Hey.” It’s awkward, but it’s all you can manage.

He’s just staring at you, standing stalk still in the open doorway. He’s breathing heavily, like he’s been running. His expression is tight, carefully closed off. One fist is clenched at his side, the other still gripping the doorknob.

“Murphy let me in,” you babble. You knew he was on his way, but still, his sudden appearance startled you. “My place, I mean, the drugstore -”

“I know.” He’s toneless, expressionless, frozen except for his eyes. They rove over your face and body, and you’re reminded suddenly of watching him read reports - quick, efficient, and exacting, like he’s taking in every detail in an instant.

Fuck. Heat rushes you as you remember that you’re still wearing his clothes. “Okay,” you breathe shakily, hardly aware of speaking aloud. This is getting weird, and you really don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with Javier Peña’s shit today.

Your laundry is probably dry anyway.

“Where are you going?” Javi demands, resting a hand on your shoulder as you attempt to push past him.

That does it. “To get the laundry!” you bite back, twisting away from his touch with a lot more drama than is really necessary. “My clothes are dry!”

He pulls away as if burned, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

You stand there like that for a long moment, just assessing each other. You’re glaring up at him warily, sizing him up, while he watches you with an expression that you don’t recognize.

“I’ll go,” he says softly. There’s something quiet, almost regretful in his tone, and it shatters your defenses. You bit your lip and nod shakily, and then he’s gone, descending down the stairs without another word.

Jesus.

You exhale another shaking breath - everything you do seems shaky, today - and pour another cup of coffee.

♠

You feel like you’ve got a little more control of yourself once you’re back in your own clothes. Javi is lighting a cigarette at the kitchen table when you exit the bathroom, a fresh butt still hot in the ashtray next to him.

“Rough night?” you ask, dropping his half-folded t-shirt and sweats onto the counter.

He huffs sarcastically.

You sigh. Your patience is wearing very, very thin, but you decide to try one more time, just for the hell of it. “Congratulations, by the way. Murphy told me about Verdugo.”

He blinks up at you, like you’ve pulled him from deep thought. “Yeah,” he says slowly, still staring at you with an intensity that’s starting to really freak you out. He pulls hard at the cigarette, and the moment breaks. “We couldn’t have done it without you.”

You nod, suddenly tired.

He notices. “Ears?”

“I need to go back in,” you cut him off before he can ask whatever he was going to ask.

He frowns. “Didn’t you just leave this morning?”

Frazzled as you are, it doesn’t occur to you to ask how he knows that. “Yeah, Peña, I did,” you snap. “But then some fucker bombed my apartment, and I’ve got a nasty feeling that it has something to do with Pablo Escobar. I can’t go home, and I can’t get any sleep, so I might as well make myself useful and see if there’s anything worth listening to today.”

His gaze had drifted during your speech. He’s resting his jaw on his his palm, staring off into the middle distance.

Ugh.

“So, will you drive me, Peña, or am I calling a cab?”

“Sorry,” he says softly, breaking himself out of whatever stupor he’d been in. He stands and extends a hand like he might like to reach for you before deciding against it and grabbing his gun instead. “Of course I’ll drive you, if you feel like going in.” He catches your eye as he tucks the gun into his belt, serious now. “I really am sorry about your home, Ears.”

God. All Javier Peña has to do is throw you a tiny bone, and you fucking melt. The relief you feel is palpable. “Thank you,” you whisper, closing your eyes for a long second.

You hear him rustling around with keys. “Let’s go, then.”

♠

The car ride to headquarters is silent. Javi smokes three more cigarettes, tossing the butts out the open window before you even hit the parking lot, one after the other. You wonder what the fuck is going on with him.

He makes a point to let you out of the passenger side door, a little quirk that had been hit or miss before, depending on his mood. You walk together up the embassy steps, him hanging close to your shoulder but not quite touching you, and you wonder if this is his strange way of apologizing for the weirdness before.

You’re halfway to Stechner’s office when you realize that Javi is still following you. You arch a curious brow in his direction. He pointedly ignores it.

Okay, seriously. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” The question comes out a lot harsher than you intend, but hell, it’s been a terrible day.

He glances down at you, almost apologetic. “It can wait a minute.”

“Ears!”

Oh, fuck. Steve Murphy is running up the hallway, gaze zeroed in on you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He doesn’t wait for you to answer, just whirls on Javi. “Javi, what the fuck is she doing here?”

You bite the inside of your cheek in an effort to keep from screaming. “I’m trying to go do my job, Murphy, if the fucking DEA will let me.” Thankfully, your voice comes out pretty level.

Javi’s looking at Murphy with a narrowed gaze, head cocked, hands on hips. “What do you mean, Murphy?” he asks in a low voice.

Murphy throws his hands up in consternation. “I mean she should be in bed, or at a fucking hospital. You should have seen her this morning, Javi. Looked like she’d come straight from a war zone!”

Javi whips around to stare wide-eyed at you. “Wait. You didn’t say…” All of the color is draining from his face. “You were there?” 

Something about the breathlessness the words, like they’d been punched out of him, sends little shocks of electricity zinging across your skin. “I’m fine,” you manage. As protests go, it’s pretty weak.

“God, Ears, you’re still bleeding.” Goddamn Steve Murphy and his fucking preoccupation with your blood. “Now get out of here, please, before I call you an ambulance. Jesus.”

Javi’s face is a storm cloud of emotions as the pieces continue to click into place. “Ears,” he growls, more horrified than angry. He grips you carefully by the shoulders, looking you over again. This time, he brings his fingers gently to your temple. They come away bloody.

He sucks a sharp breath, glancing up at Murphy. “You’ll handle Verdugo?”

Murphy’s lips are pressed into a fine line. “Absolutely, Javi. Get her out of here.”

♠

He escorts you from the building with a hand pressed firmly against the small of your back. It would be sweet, if not for the blistering pace and the stony expression that’s frozen on his face. People take notice, leaping out of your way, craning their necks to watch as you storm by. By the time you reach the doors, your cheeks are flaming.

“Agent Peña!”

Oh shit. You hadn’t even noticed Martinez and his entourage milling around the entrance.

“Yeah?” Javi bites out.

Martinez raises a brow at the scene the two of you make - you, bleeding and shamefaced, Javi damned near parading you into the parking lot with all the subtly of a thunderclap.

God, there’s no way this ends well for either of you.

“Verdugo is in interrogation room three,” Martinzes says, clearing his throat awkwardly.

Javi doesn’t even slow. “Stick Murphy on it,” he snaps over his shoulder. “I’m busy.”

Nobody dares argue with him.

♠

Instead of getting into the car, Javi leans heavily against the door.

You pause, opening your mouth to question him, but he reaches for your jaw before you can speak, carefully tilting your face up into the sunlight.

“Are you okay?”

His voice is soft, but he’s looking at you in undisguised concern, eyes roving over you with an intensity that tempts you to drop your gaze.

You shiver. You can’t help it - you’re exhausted and emotional, and things with Javi have been so weird for so long, and now he’s staring at you, sharp and worried, running his thumbs across your scalp to gently assess for injuries.

No, you are not okay.

He notices the little tremor that darts through your body and rests one hand on your shoulder, leaning in to look you straight in the eye. “How far were you from the explosion?”

“Across the street,” you tell him, breathless for all of the wrong reasons. It’s only half-way true, you’d been crossing the street when the bomb had gone off, far closer to the blast zone than you’re leading him to believe. But he’s so close, cupping your cheeks in his hands, leaning forward to shield you from the traffic-side of the parking spot with his body as he continues to draw his fingers across your skin, gently assessing for more damage.

“It just knocked me off my feet,” you continue. Your throat is suddenly so dry. “Startled me, more than anything.”

Javi reaches with one finger to expose the wound on your temple. It’s still oozing.

“And this?” he asks, pinning you with another piercing stare.

You reach up, catching his hand as his fingers begin to drift down your cheek. He twitches reflexively. “Just a little scratch,” you promise him. “Falling glass, or shrapnel, I guess. Something grazed me. I never hit my head.”

This is not a lie. You never blacked out; you’re not hurt.

He blusters a sigh, scrubbing his face with his palm for a brief second. “I should really take you to the hospital.” His jaw tightens as he speaks.

“I just said I didn’t hit my head. I’m fine.” You indicate the wound on your temple. “This is nothing. You know how head wounds like to bleed.” You look up at him, projecting as much wide-eyed, awake, vibrant woman as you possibly can after walking away from a fucking bomb, and squeeze his hand in reassurance. “Please, Peña. I just want to go -”

Home, you almost say.

You stop yourself just in time. There is no home, not anymore. And you won’t make the mistake of referencing Peña’s place as anything other than ‘Peña’s place.’ That would be supremely stupid, given all of the recent drama.

“To bed,” you manage instead. “I’m just tired.”

And god, that is the truth.

If Javi notices your faux pax, he doesn’t mention it. He’s hardly taken his eyes off you. He’s near enough that you can feel the heat of his skin, one hand still twined in yours.

It’s all you can do to avoid resting your head on his chest.

“Okay,” he mutters begrudgingly, and then shakes his head like he hadn’t meant to agree. “I’ll take you home.”

You smile wanly at him. “Thanks.”

♠

author’s notes/confessions

I know you still have questions. I promise you, I will answer them.

Steve Murphy is a good bro.

Y’all hit me up if you want a little Javi one-shot after this next chapter. I wrote it for my own reference, but it might be a fun read, if you’re wondering what’s happening inside his head right now.

@tiffdawg​, look what you made me do. ;)

[d0llpie]

Hi love✨ Can I request #16 from your prompt list with Atsumu? I’d like angst with a bittersweet ending, like they started dating because they were very different and found that interesting but as the time passed and the lockdown started, they realized that the differences were a lot and became tired of the constant arguments and not been able to see each other so they broke up but still in love:(

sorry if it’s very long and specific🥺 last week I broke up with my s/o and it was like this, our compatibility isn’t good and even if we love each other, we are not meant to be

Atsumu x reader, angst

A/N: Hi lovely, i’m sorry you’re going through this right now, i hope this is okay <3

Prompt: “i know i’m not what you signed up for”

wc: 1.4k

“Y/N, it’s one game pleasee, you never come, you’ve already met Suna and Osamu you don’t even have to talk to the team afterwards.” Your best friend, who also happened to be Suna’s girlfriend pleaded at you. You playfully shoved her back “Fine, but if you’re ditching me for Suna after the game you have to buy my drinks,”  “Ugh, yes! Rin she’ll come!” Suna came out from behind the gym where you both were talking “Oh, hey Suna” he nodded at you, draping his arm over your best friend’s shoulders “Tsumu saw you guys talking, he thinks you’re cute” you rolled your eyes at that. You knew of Atsumu and his reputation thanks to his fangirls, who usually end up in tears after encounters with him on bad days. “Well that’s nice.” You said sarcastically, “Oh, just remember not to cheer while he serves tomorrow night okay?” “Bsf/n, why would i cheer for him?” she scoffed “To show support? Anyway Rin and I will pick you up tomorrow, we’re going to go eat now mkay?” You nodded “See ya later” you waved and Suna nodded in acknowledgment. 

~

“Wow are the games usually this packed?” you squeezed past a group of girls in the aisles, settling into a seat next to bsf/n. “Kinda? It’s extra packed with both Atsumu and Oikawa’s fangirls, just ignore them- Oh there’s Suna!” You watched her wave excitedly at her boyfriend as he emerged with his team, the twins on either side of him. “Did he just wink at you?” bsf/n gestured over to Atsumu “Don’t know, he’s jumping up and down now at Osamu, geez he’s loud, Osamu is hotter anyway..” “They’re identical twins y/n, you can find him attractive.” She teased and you focused on the whistle blowing to ignore her. 

After the match ended, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed, Tsumu was a tad erratic but he was talented nonetheless, his setter rivalry against Oikawa was definitely entertaining. “Hey, um, Atsumu? You were really great out there! You too Suna, all of you guys.” the team thanked you while Atsumu smirked at you, seeming amused. “Didn’t hear ya cheering out there for me doll” you scoffed at his cocky behaviour but felt your cheeks heating up at his casual pet name. “So, can i get yer number” you don’t know what about Atsumu was so magnetic but you felt yourself taking your phone from your pocket before you even responded. “Mhm, here” you smiled up at him and his cocky demeanour softened for a moment before he poked your forehead to distract you. “Wow real mature Tsumu” “Hmm already onto nicknames now y/n” he cocked a brow “Says you, doll~” he laughed at you, oblivious to the knowing stare of his twin.

~

After that night you started attending all the games, even attending practice some days just to talk to Atsumu about a new show or school work, him not having much to add too on the latter topic. A few weeks passed and you both started dating, most of your dates consisting of playful bickering in his house over what snacks to eat, what movie to watch and ended with Osamu yelling at you both to shut up. Atsumu brought out the fun side of you and you were able to ground him when he was out of hand.

“Tsums?” you looked up at him from his chest, tracing small patterns on his stomach. He hummed, looking down at you and pausing the movie when he saw your serious expression “what’s up doll?” you sighed, you felt stupid for being insecure but you couldn’t help it. You knew you weren’t his usual type, hell you guys rarely agreed on anything, but you knew he loved you, you both could agree on that much. Still, you couldn’t help but wander, where you really what he wanted? “I was just thinking, what do you like about me?” his fingers that were running through your hair stopped “get out of that pretty little head of yours, i don’t want anybody else, i don’t care about what anybody else is like you’re what i want and who i love okay?” “okay” you smiled against his chest as he pecked ur head “why? you haven’t found someone prettier than me have you?” “mm just Samu” he feigned a hurt expression, pouting like a child.

~~

Since then your relationship had changed over the years, the love you both shared was still just as strong and snarky as when you first met however snarky quickly turned to subtle digs, unsaid questions led to petty arguments where you both exploded. It was hard but he was always there afterwards, arms open to tell you how much he loved you and you the same.

Once quarantine started you weren’t worried, atsumu had less practice and there was more time for you both to talk on the phone. Conversations seemed forced, trying to find topics for both of you to talk about that extended beyond small talk. Communicating these problems was even harder, you didn’t know what to say or where to start. You only found the separation harder as time went on. You valued communication but even you found it hard to bring up issues when you were with Atsumu. You always had to anyway since Tsumu had a habit of bottling it up until you brought something up, leading to a fight. 

You’d both been arguing for so long your throat felt raw, you don’t even remember what started it this time but things piled on and you just kept arguing. “Well fuck sake y/n! At least take some fucking responsibility, not everything is my fucking fault and i’m sick of taking the blame so you can keep your pride!” you scoffed “MY pride? pull your head out of your ass Tsumu, maybe you take the blame a lot because, i don’t know, you’re at fault? I’m the one who tried to talk about this instead of just yelling about the past !” you continued arguing until you felt tired. You couldn’t be bothered anymore, you knew deep down you couldn’t be bothered with the constant fights, disagreements that led to personal digs, you stared at him through the screen, wondering how it ended up like this. “Tsumu i’m tired.” your change in tone had him pausing mid sentence, he took notice of your exhausted expression and assumed the worst. “y/n...you know i don’t mean what i say, you aren’t tired of me right?” it was strange hearing how vulnerable he sounded, you wanted nothing more to hold him but you couldn’t continue on like this and you both knew that. “Tsums, i think we-” “Y/n i love you. I know i’m not what you signed up for, i know we aren’t perfect but i love you.” tears were rolling down your cheeks, you didn’t want to do this, but you both needed this “Tsums i love you. I love you too, so so much, you’re my person but this isn’t good for us, maybe its the separation but we need some time apart, to figure out ourselves alone before we can be together. I know deep down you feel the same.” You continued to cry while Atsumu watched, heartbroken at how broken you looked. “Y/N, I’m sorry for all the fights, I never meant to escalate things, I was just more agitated, i couldn’t take it out in practice and i am not using that as an excuse i swear. I-I knew i was getting carried away in the heat of the moment but i love you okay? You know that.” you sniffled, wiping underneath your eyes “I love you too, and i’m sorry too okay? I’m not innocent here either.” you chuckled lightly, “take care of yourself Atsumu.” you offered him a teary smile, hearing a small “Goodbye y/n..” before you closed the lid to your computer, breathing in shakily. 

[hamburgerhelpersotherhand]

Infatuation P8

Joe Goldberg x Reader x Love Quinn

Warnings: a lying bitch and a writer who hates writing warnings because they spoil what’s to come

Notes: James Elkins, a fairly well known art historian, once wrote “Love would be the state in which I hunt a hunter or fall prey to prey” (The Object Stares Back, 1996). This is a quote I reflected on a lot while writing this series, though I’d still say they dont feel connected. I had to read the book for class so y’all have to deal with my bs

I barely managed to sleep last night.

I’m so incredibly tired. My eyes are heavy and I’m having trouble keeping my focus.

Snap.

Love is in front of me, snapping her fingers. I’ll give her my attention soon, but I’m caught in a thought.

That car from last night. I wonder who it was... I think I’ve seen that specific car before. That or the lack of sleep is getting to me and I’m seeing things.

Snap.

I blink repeatedly and then set my sights straight onto Love’s face.

“We open soon. Are you alright? You’re really out of it.” Love asks.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” I smile reassuringly. ”I’ve just been having trouble sleeping.”

Love runs a finger across my forehead. It tingles. She searches my sleep deprived eyes for a moment.

“I understand.” Love smiles back, her worry still woven in there. “How about you come sleep at my place tonight?”

That sounds like a great idea. How long has it been since we slept together? Far too long.

“Sounds like a plan.” I lean forward and place a gentle kiss onto her lips. She shares the same sentiment and we reluctantly part ways a moment later.

Love is still on my mind as I pack up last week’s display. Ah, how I yearn to entangle myself with her. I’m... beginning to fantasize while noting down the amount of unsold copies of the display we have left. I feel weird. Like, a little bothered, maybe. Not because fantasizing about your girlfriend in the open while at work is inappropriate but... I mean, it’s not professional, but that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is... you’re there. You’re on my mind too— somehow.

In my deepest thoughts, you’re there... sandwiched between us. She loves you so much, you know that? You’re good for her too— you can be good for us.

The familiar jingle I’ve heard oh so many times takes me out of my thoughts. The world around me clears up and I eagerly look around.

You’re not here. I think I’m starting to hear things.

I finally shake you from my mind and store the boxes in storage.

~

Love prepared a delicious meal, as no surprise to anyone. We spent most of the evening talking. Mostly about useless things, like the next colour for the bathroom. Personally, I favour a blue tone. Love seems to want something black and white.

“Zebra print?” I say.

“No! That would actually look awful!” She laughs and almost spills her drink in the process.

“Hey, watch it! I like this shirt.”

“Can I tell you something?” She asks.

“Yeah, whatever you’d like.” I answer, sitting up to listen carefully.

She points to my chest and speaks. “I really don’t like that shirt.”

“I’m hurt.” I feign sadness and she sips her drink.

“—No no, I mean-“ Love gulps before continuing with a softer tone. “-maybe you should take it off?” She raises her eyebrows and I catch on.

“Ooh. Yeah- yeah, sure.” I smile widely and she sets down her drink. Love leans in and kisses me gently, something sweet still on her lips. I can feel my brain already melting as I lean forward as well.

rrRRING.

It’s her phone. Love seems reluctant in her next kiss. I pull her in more, my hands snake themselves around her back.

rrrRRRING.

Now she completely pulls away from me, pushing me aside as she grabs for her phone.

“I’m sorry— it might be Forty.” She pleas as she accepts the incoming call. Again with Forty, huh? He’s starting to seem like more trouble than he’s worth.

“Hey, Y/N.”

I perk up at the name, but I pretend my attention is elsewhere. I pick up our empty plates. I can’t hear what you’re saying, but I see that Love is listening intently.

As I make my way to the kitchen, Love speaks.

“But why? You just came back.”

I quickly and quietly set the plates down and walk back to the living room. I stand by the archway and continue to listen. It doesn’t sound good.

“You can’t. Y/N-“ She’s desperate and I can only imagine what you’re saying on the other end.

Love takes her phone away from her ear and looks at it. “Are you kidding me?” She mumbles before tossing it onto the floor.

“What happened?” I ask, walking into the room and standing by her side.

She reluctantly answers, a pained expression crossing her face. “Y/N. She’s leaving again.”

“Did she tell you why?” I ask quickly, sounding a little too interested.

“No, she didn’t tell me why.” Love leans forward so I can’t see her face, but I can tell in her voice that she’s holding back tears.

“Love,” I sit next to her and place my hand on her back. “It’s alright.”

“No, Will. It’s not alright.” She squeezes her stomach. “I worked so hard to make her comfortable. I’m gonna sound crazy but I thought I finally had her back.” Love quickly places her hand over her mouth in a worrying motion.

“Let me get you some water, okay?” I say, noticing her trembling state. She looks like she’s either going to be sick or start crying.

“I’m going to her apartment.” Love states before attempting to get up. I latch onto her arm and pull her back down onto the sofa.

I speak quickly, grabbing her half empty drink and standing up. “I’ll go. You look like you might throw up. How many drinks have you had?”

“I don’t know... ugh, fine.” She replies meekly and I leave for the kitchen.

Y/N, I thought you were better than this. This is like breaking up over a text, it’s feral. You even hung up on her when she wanted answers. What has you so scared?

Well... You’re not allowed to run from your problems anymore.

~

After bringing Love a glass of water and making sure she made it to her bed, I let her know I’d take care of it.

Love told me to talk you down from this. Apparently, you sounded very frantic in the call.

I’m parked in my car, across the street from where you’re packing up. I can see it in your lit window. You’re moving quickly.

I fix my cap on my head and continue to watch as you disappear from view.

Soon, your light gets turned off. My queue. I step out of the car and wait for you to exit the building.

When I see you open the door, step out with your luggage, and turn to lock up again, I jog across the street.

“Y/N-“

“AH!” You turn around quickly, knees glued together and almost causing you to topple down the steps. “Oh, gosh. You s-scared me.” You fumble with your keys and quickly turn to lock the door.

“Sorry, uhh... what’s the luggage for?” I hum casually.

“I-I’m going on a-a trip. A s-small one.” You feign a smile and scoot passed me. You’re still a liar. A horrible one too.

“Thats not what you told Love.” I say, following behind you.

You’re not saying anything anymore, just rolling your stupid luggage. It doesn’t even have a bell on it.

You’re being childish right now.

“Why would you lie?” I say.

You spin yourself around quickly. “Why would YOU lie?”

Oh.

Oooh. I get it.

We stare into each other’s eyes for a bit. I’m not moving, but you’re shaking like a leaf. You know, and I can tell you regret saying anything.

You turn around again to continue walking at your ridiculously fast pace but— I’m not sure what came over me... I grabbed your forearm and yanked you back. You let out a squeak and throw your luggage into my knee, knocking me off balance for a moment.

I hear an engine start and quickly spot two red lights. It’s a car. A black car, to be more exact.

Fucking perfect.

You try to bolt away, but I don’t let go and instead, pull you into me. I... I don’t know why I’m not letting go. I’m making this worse.

You’re already fully sobbing, it’s actually pretty loud, and you’re trying to hit me. I grab hold of your nose and cover your mouth, pulling you closer into my chest the more you struggled and kicked the air. Your dainty hands are trying to pry my arms away, but you’re growing weak. My focus, however... is on the car.

It pulls out of its parking spot and doesn’t waste any time driving off. Who the hell is that? Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

The lack of oxygen is finally getting to you. You’re letting out muffled screams now, further wasting whatever energy you have left.

I rest my head into the crook of your neck and you finally begin to settle down. I’m tense, angry. I’d like to think it isn’t your fault, but I have a feeling you know who was in that car.

I’m now realizing, as you start to go limp in my hold, I’ve probably made better choices in the past.

[glassartpeasants]

Crying In The Club .5

Overhaul x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, a bit of happiness for once?, mentions of past abuse, 

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3* *Part 4* *Part 5*

A/N: HE HO everybody. Like i promised, they would both be out today. Am I tired? Yes. Am i rushing through his chapter since my dumbass thought it would be cool to procrastinate? Yes. But none of that shit matters now. Its out and we are all good.

Edit: Did I fall asleep while writing this and never finished it? Yes. Was my laptop almost dead when I woke? Yes. Am I sorry for not keeping the promise? Yes. I is big sorry U^U

Taglist

@winchester-wifey @hello-lucky-luka

~~~

You haven’t left the safety of your bathroom in about a week. I mean what was the point of even going out there if all your gonna remember on how horribly you wanted to get out of this shit show. You felt like nothing mattered anymore. Why should it? You were dragged away from all of your friends and family. You had no one except Overhaul. Which practically left yourself friendless except for the voice in your head.

When was the last time you even ate? You remember eating the afternoon you escaped. Soo about a week then? You hold your tummy as painful growls rumble from it. Causing you to groan in pain. Your eyes were squeezed shut as you sighed.

When was the last time you moved from your little spot behind the door? To long...

Kai-Overhaul hasn’t even tried to talk to you. Not even once. Good. You didn’t want to see his disgusting face anyways. It was the same face that gave you nightmares when you slept at night. God even thinking about that prick has your stomach turning as you resist the urge to vomit. Insignificant selfish bastard-

“Miss (Y/N)?” You sigh. It was Hari, Kai’s right hand man. You wanted to hate him but you realized that would be childish. The man never did anything to harm you, he was only trying to follow orders.

“Yes?” You reply softly, Your voice was dry from not talking in awhile. You lick your lips in order to just have some mostiure.

“You can leave the base.” Your eyes shot open so wide you thought they would pop out of your skull. Scrambling to get on your feet you pull open the door. Eyes wide open hoping he wasn’t lying to get you to open the door.

“What?! Are you serious?!”

“Yes Overhaul told me to tell you that. saying how he found someone better for the job.”

A smile etched it’s way into your face. Tears of joy fell down your face as you hug Hari. You pulled him in a bone crushing hug as you thanked him over and over again. You let him go before you ran out the door faster then you have ever ran before. You wanted to leave before Kai changed his mind.

Your feet hit the cement as the tears of joy slowly slid down your cheeks. You ran so fast that your legs felt as if they could fall off your own body. But that pain was welcomed. You would take this pain over staying with Overhaul any day.

Your feet stopped when you had bumped into someone. Your momentum of running knocked down the man and you stumbling back, trying not to fall on your ass.

“Oh my god i’m so sorry!” You profusely as you lend a hand to the fallen man so he could get up. The man took your hand and you couldn’t help but smile and nervously laugh as you enjoyed how soft the mans hands were.

“No it’s okay, I should have looked at where I was going.” You both laugh a little before you rub the back of your neck.

“Hey since you knocked me over how about you let me take you to the cafe nearby. Me falling on my ass has made me thirsty.” You laugh as you let your hand fall to your side.

Looking at the man there was no lying that he was some good ass eye candy. But you were still a little shaken up and weary about what happened not to long ago. But then again you haven’t eaten in about a week...

“You know what? I’d love too.”

~~~

Kai walked down the hallways of the Shie Hassakai on his way to Pops to tell him about his ‘break up’ with you. Finally he got rid of you. No more fighting, no more complaining, no more escape attempts,

and no more of the feeling of your soft lips against his own.

Kai shook his head at the last thought. Why do you plague his mind? How dare you distract him from his work? His goal is on the line here! He can’t have some annoying pest bothering him.

“Finally I’m free of that pest.”

“Kai just the man I’m looking for. Hows your girlfriend?”

“We broke up.”

“Oh, i’m sorry to here that my boy. Don’t worry stuff like that happens!” Pops patted Kai’s back.

“Yeah.” Kai laughed. Trying not to give the secret away.

‘I just met someone new, that’s all.” Kai lied, well kinda. He had met someone new who would do the work for money.

‘You know (y/n) didn’t do it for the money.’

“Oh well that’s too bad. I hope you let her down easy.”

“I did.”

“Well I must be off, see you later my boy.” With that Pops walked off. Leaving Kai to take a long sigh. Stopping in his tracks as he rubbed his temples.

Now thinking about it, you never even asked for anything in return, not money, not jewelry. Nothing. You just...did it. Even after everything he put you through you never asked for anything. Why? Why didn’t you ask for something? What was your plan?

‘Maybe she was afraid?’ Thoughts ran wild in his mind before his phone rang, making his pants pocket vibrate.

Opening the phone he noticed it was the new girl. Picking it up before moving it away from his ear. immediately regretting his decision.

Ugh he couldn’t stand her voice. So insufferable. Sounded like a drying dog. At least your voice was smooth like honey. Yours so calming and sweet-

“No stop it!” Kai yelled at himself. You need to get out of his mind. You were plaguing it like the disease you were. How dare you? How could you make him so confused on what he feels about you. He should hate you! 

Kai swore if he thought about you one more time, he would go insane.

~~~

You couldn’t help but giggle. The man was just a charmer! Not to mention he has a great sense of humor! You just couldn’t get enough of him and his jokes. Man it felt amazing to be laughing again, this time knowing you weren’t going to get killed for it.

“So why were you running earlier?” His question caught you off guard but it was fair. You were running like your life depended on it. To you it felt like you were. But to him and looking through his eyes it was only reasonable.

“Ex-boyfriend troubles.” You laugh nervously before taking a sip of your tea. Might as well drink something cold before fall and winter roll around. The taste of the tea hitting your tongue gave you s little smile. You look at the tea before turning your attention back to the man in front of you.

“Well don’t worry, I’m here.” You both laugh as you put a strand of lose hair behind your ear. Man this felt nice to talk to someone who you weren’t afraid of.

“Good to know.”

~~~

‘Oh god can this woman shut up already?!’ Kai thought to himself as he tried to ignore the chattering that came from the woman next to him. Who kept pointing at useless stores that he wished would just disappear if he stared at them long enough.

Since he made the deal with the new girl, with her getting paid and everything, she demanded that they went to the mall together.

“Hey are you listening to me?!” The girl as she screamed at Kai.

“Yes (R/N).” God this woman was going to be the death of him. If he killed her right there would anyone tell on him?

“Okay good! The take me to bath and body works! They’ve got a sale going on!” Ugh he hated that store with a burning passion. All those unholy scents made him want to pass out.

Once they entered the store Kai cringed as all the scents that the store contained filled his nose. Making his nose hurt, causing him to crinkle his nose. He shook his head before staying at the front of the store trying his best to avoid all the horrific scent that this store held. He watched as all of these people in such a closed space pretty much bumping elbows. Disgusting.

“You too man?” Kai turned his head to see another male only a few feet away. By the looks of him, he was in the same exact situation.

“I fucking hate people.”

~~~

“Wow this is so much fun!” You laugh as the man showed you his favorite places in all of the city.

“This....this is nice.” You smile genuinely at the man.

“It was, can I walk you home?” You were about to say sure but then you remembered that your ass was pretty much homeless now. Well shit. Kai had you in that room for so many months that you knew your lease with your landlord would have been broken. Pretty much gone.

“I-uh...I use to live with my boyfriend and then he kicked me out hehe...” Great now he was going to think you were some sort of -

“That’s too bad. I know a place where you could live. It’s a place where you can live there and stay until you get back onto your feet again.” The man smiled at you and you couldn’t help the tears of joy slide down your face. You hug him in desperation hoping it all wasn’t just some sick nightmare.

“This is the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.” Tears drenched your face as you sniffle at bit.

“Hey I’m just doing what my father did to my mom.” The man chuckled. You couldn’t help the giggle that crept out of you as well.

[anastasiabeaverhousen87]

Praying to the porcelain God

words: 3205

You been told before never to eat from suspicious food stands, especially if you never tried them before or if Kara or Alex haven’t already approved the food. But today you forgot your lunch at home and the food from the cafeteria was not very appealing for you. One of your co-workers saw you make faces at the food options and invited you to eat lunch with them. They were going to get burgers from a new street vendor a couple of blocks away. It was too tempting; you love cheeseburgers and they made it sound like they were really good. So, you said yes. Everyone was going and you were starving.

The following day you woke up feeling a little odd, a bit nauseous but you didn’t think anything about it. You got a chamomile tea instead of coffee and went about your day as usual. Kara was already gone so you just decided to grab a yogurt and granola bar at work.

You finished getting your things ready and were about to leave the apartment when you felt a sharp pain in your stomach followed by cramping. You went to the bathroom and removed your sweater, you felt a swelling of your abdomen and yes, you lower abdomen was inflamed and felt tender to the touch. Another painful cramp made you run to the toilet and you knew you were screwed the moment you sit down.

y/n: “Fuck!!!, ughh it hurts…damn it, Alex is going to kill me” – you didn’t leave the bathroom for a while, you lamented your poor choices while you were sitting in the toilet seat.

 You decided you needed to let someone know you felt like shit and wouldn’t be able to get to work with further incidents, so you called Kara. Kara was softer and if you play your card right maybe she could be the buffer between Alex’s lecturing and you.  You dialed her number and put it on speaker while washing your hands, you were standing Infront of the sink mirror and put the phone down.

 Kara: “Hi sweet girl, what’s up?”

You were about to respond when you felt nausea hit hard, you saw your reflection become green and you ran to toilet once again. Just in time for you to continue emptying your stomach contents, tears sprung into your eyes as the pain in your stomach grew stronger and effort of being violently ill into the porcelain bowl.

On the other side of the line, Kara was listening to you suffering. “Y/N baby? What’s wrong, where are you?” but at not getting a response she ditched everything to fly straight home following your heartbeat.

You stopped vomiting and felt exhausted, you spit into the toilet and flush it.  You use toilet paper to clean you mouth and drop to the bathroom floor exhausted.  Kara enter the apartment looking for you.

Kara: “y/n?, oh my God what’s wrong baby?”- Kara panics at looking at your body sprawled in the bathroom floor all pale and clammy.

y/n: “Ughh best guess? stomach bug. I just puked my guts out, and before that I emptied my bowels in a different way” - you grimace at the explosive diarrhea you went through less than half an hour ago.

Kara: “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you feel so poorly. Come on, let me pick you up from the floor”- the blonde woman tries to pick you up, but you feel like you’re not quite over.

Y/n: “Kara, I don’t think I can move quite yet and the floor is cold, it feels nice” –you move a little on the floor to get more of the chilly sensation on your hot skin- “I feel like crap sissy” a tear runs down your cheek and you look up to your sister. Kara brushes the tear away and cradles the side of your face. You are about to move again into a sitting position when you feel your stomach painfully cramp again and you roll into a fetal position trying to make the pain lessen somehow.

Kara: “Oh baby, looks like a horrible stomach bug. But I’m so bad at human illnesses let me call Alex really quick, she is the best when it comes to this kind of things.” Kara looks desperate and seeing you so sick on the floor. Kara is now sitting next to you holding your head in her lap and running her fingers through your hair.

Y/N: “You can’t, busy. Summit in New York” – you mumble trough clenching teeth.

Kara: “I know she is busy with work, but she can take a phone call if it’s an emergency. Its her or the ER. Your call.”

y/n: “Alex…” – you much prefer hearing your helicopter sister ask a thousand question that being prod and wait in the Emergency Room.

Kara takes her phone out of her pocket and dials the number; it rings a few times and then it connects.

Alex: “Hey what’s up, everything okay?”- the red head asks immediately, knowing her sisters wouldn’t be calling her if it was not an emergency.

Kara: “No, y/n is sick. I just found her on the bathroom floor all clammy and she told me she vomited a lot. Also, she thinks it’s a stomach bug.” You can´t hear what Alex says on the phone, then Kara turns the phone on speaker “Ok hold on, yes. Ok ok now you’re on speaker now”

Alex: “Hi little one. I’m so sorry you got sick baby and I bet you feel awful but I need to ask you a few things ok?”

You nod, even though Alex cant see you, but you think if you can let her think it’s a stomach bug going around the office you’ll be off the hook and avoid the speech on getting food from street vendors.

Y/n: “Yeah ok…”- you feel to tire so yes, you can answer whatever she wants as longs she doesn’t ask you to move.

Alex: “Ok sweetie, Kara mentioned vomiting, what else are you feeling? Do you also have diarrhea? is she warm or cold Kara?

Y/N: “painful cramps, diarrhea definitely that was first and the puked my guts out. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything left inside my intestines by this point. It was super gross Alex. I feel a little cold now. There’s a bug going on around the office and some of the guys got sick”- you say the last part a bit fast and avoid looking at Kara, then you groan in pain at another cramp.

Kara: “She is all clammy, her cheeks are flush, and she is shivering a little. Also, she is now avoiding direct eye contact…” – Kara raises an eyebrow at you, knowing there’s something you are avoiding.

Alex: – “y/n baby, was your stool a little bloody and watery? Or soft and muddy? , also Kara can you check her abdomen does it look a little swollen and prod very gently please “

y/n: “first one”- You can hear Alex give a long sigh

Kara: “definitely swollen and a bit tender”

Alex: “What did you eat yesterday either at lunch or dinner? And don’t even think about lying to me y/n. I will know if you are lying. That’s not just a stomach bug”

Kara is looking down at you worry on her face, “We ate steak and mashed potatoes with some veggies last night. Lena cooked. and I know I can’t get sick, but Lena was okay. So, what did you eat for lunch baby?”

Y/n: “a cheeseburger” –you mumble

Alex: “Where?”

y/n: “A new place near the building, a few of the guys I work with we got burgers yesterday”

Alex: “when you say ´new place, you mean a well stablished franchise or restaurant? Not a street vendor with doubtful hygiene and suspicious meat or produce, right? -  ughh busted, you thought.

y/n: “Street vendor” – you lamented

Kara: “ohh sweetie. You know better than that”- Kara kept her gentle touch but looking a bit disappointed in you.

Alex: “Well baby, I hope the burger was so amazing and worth it, because what you have is food poisoning and most likely due to contaminated ground beef with E. coli. There is nothing to stop it or make it better faster. Your body will get rid of the bacteria during the following days. Simply needs to run its course.”

Y/N: “No cheeseburger in world is worth this pain or disgusting vomiting or explosive diarrhea. I feel like crap Lexie”- you play your Lexi card, so your big sister takes pity on you. You feel bad enough as it is, you don’t need to hear more disappointment from her.

Alex: “I know baby girl. Its quite uncomfortable and painful. You need rest and avoid over exerting, that will only make your stomach feel worse. Kara, I need you to make sure she drinks lots of fluids, she will keep vomiting and having constant bowel movements in the next couple of days and she can get dehydrated very quickly. Lots of water and Pedialyte . Let her stomach to settle first .  Avoid giving her any solid foods until she is no longer nauseous or vomiting as much. Avoid juices or other beverages with a lot of sugar or sweeteners that can make diarrhea worse. Let’s wait for 24 hours like this without any food and after that we can see if you can ease her back into eating soft and bland food. Call me if she gets worse or if the fever is too high.”

Y/N: “not even hungry anyways…”

Kara: “will do Alex, I’m taking off work for the week I’ll let Lena know. She is out of town as well, but I can handle goober just fine. right kiddo?”

You just try to crawl into Kara’s lap you starting to feel cold and so very tired. “Yeah, I’m cold. You warm”

Alex: “She will sleep a lot, wake her up and make her drink water or fluids Kara, its very important. Make sure her temperature doesn’t go above 102 F. if she get above that range just make her take a bath in lukewarm water or use a cold compress. Let her eat ice chips, NO dairy, no caffeine, no sugar, or fatty food. If she does eat those, she will end up throwing up everything. If temperature goes above 103 take her immediately to the ER. It shouldn’t but keep an eye on that. Seriously Kara call me anytime ok?”  

Kara: “Will do Alex. Thanks, and I’ll call you later once y/n is more comfortable and asleep”

Alex: “Ok, feel better sweetie, I’ll be back as soon as I can. Be good for Kara and try to relax and let your body get rid of everything at its own pace. Don’t rush anything. I love you sweetheart. Love you Kara, bye”

Y/N “Bye, love you Lexie”

Kara: “Bye Alex, love you too” – the phone calls gets disconnected. Kara looks down at you. “You think you are ready to move from the bathroom floor to the living room?”

y/n: “can you help me up to rinse my mouth? It tastes like crap ugh”

Kara: “of course. Up we go”- Kara gently stands up with you in her arms and helps you to your feet.

But you get dizzy and grab ahold of Kara’s arms for support

Kara: “hey hey I got you, easy there baby girl”

y/n: “everything its spinning and I don’t feel so g…” but before you can finish the sentence your eyes go wide and Kara see what’s about to happen and helps you to your knees in front of the toilet once again. Kara holds your hair away from your face with her other hand rubbing soothing circles down your spine while providing word of comfort.

You keep vomiting for a few minutes more “ughh I thought I had ridden of everything by now. This Is so disgusting” a few tears leak down your cheeks and Kara just helps you to your feet again and flushes the toilet.

Kara: “I know sweet girl, but Alex did say you will be experiencing vomiting and other stuff for a few days. So, let’s get you rinse your mouth and settle down in the couch so you can sleep this off, okay?”

You just nod and work on getting your teeth brushed and get rid of the nasty taste. Kara helps you to your room to change into your pajamas.

Kara: “Bed or couch?” -you just point down to your bed giving her your answer. “Okay okay” Kara lowers you on your bed and goes to close the curtains so you can rest more comfortably.

y/n: “Hold me?”- you pout pitifully

Kara: “of course baby girl. Let me just get your water and text Lena to let her know I won’t be into work for a few days and also text your boss you’re sick” – I’ll be right back.

y/n:” don’t want water please just hold me, I’m cold sissy”- more tears run down your cheeks, you just want your sister to hold you now.

Kara: “aww chucks, baby you feel real awful don’t ya? Ok here I’ll call later, and you need to drink water in an hour or two. I will wake you up. come here sweet bean”- Kara moves you so you are now lying basically on top of her, you hide your face into her neck and wrap your arms around her. You are leaching on her warmth shamelessly. Kara doesn’t mind at all begins to pat down your back softly like when you were little she needed to calm you down and put to to sleep.

Kara: “Aww my little koala is here. You’re so cuddly baby. I’m sorry you are feeling so poorly but I’ll be here with you all the time. You just close your eyes and go to sleep. You’ll feel better in no time, you’ll see”

y/n: “I’m never eating cheeseburgers again”- you give a yawn and began to drift off. Kara juts chuckles and starts to hum softly a lullaby song she uses since you were a little girl and where having trouble falling asleep or felt sick. You are out in less than 5 minutes.

Kara wait for you to be completely asleep to grab her cellphone she still has on her pocket. Texts Lena you are sick and will call her later, but you are okay just miserable for eating street food. And then sends a quick text to y/n boss, thank Rao she is close friends with y/n otherwise would be a pain to explain why she is texting instead of her employee.

Kara puts the cellphone down on the nightstand and holds y/n more to her chest and begins to run her hand up and down y/n spine and watches her sleep for a little while until herself starts to feel sleepy and decides to take a nap too.

Kara is awaken by your moving around and painful moaning. You curl into yourself as much as you can, trying to wave through the painful cramp in your tummy.

y/n: “It really hurts Kara, it hurts so bad”- you say through clenching teeth and tears sprung into your eyes once again. You feel miserable and in so much pain.  

Kara feels you are getting a bit hotter now and you are sweating too. “Okay little one, I think a bath can help you now, and you need to drink a little bit of water. Come here”

y/n: “No. pelease, no Kara. I just want the pain to stop and sleep again. I don’t want a bath” -you cry softly into her neck

Kara: “I’m sorry baby, but you feel too warm and you will feel better after the bath. I’ll stay with you the whole time.”

Kara picks you up from the bed and takes into the bathroom, she sits you down at the toilet seat while she runs a lukewarm bath for you.

Y/n: “Kara I don’t feel so good…” again you turn green and Kara helps you to sit infront the porcelain bowl once more.

You throw up again, but its mostly bile. Kara holds your hair out of your face while making comforting rubs on your lower back while you continue to be sick. your stomach its already empty from all the previous vomiting and you didn’t really eat anything for breakfast. You feel so weak after the effort it took to vomit once again. You are sweaty and pale and slump into Kara. Kara gently runs a hand down your spine and grabs a small towel to clean off the bile in your lips.

Kara: “sshh …baby come one. Its over now.  Here use this mouth wash to rinse and spit it in the toilet” -Kara then flushes the toilet and strips you off your clothes. She also strips down to her underwear and gets into the tub with you.  She helps you lean into her so she can wash your skin with a soft washcloth and pour the lukewarm water down your body to cool you down. After a while she notices your feel cooler to the touch. Washes your hair gently and lets you lean back onto her. You have always loved the skin to skin contact when feeling sick or unwell. Your sisters have done this many times over the years as well as you mom Eliza. You like feeling their warm skin and listen to their heartbeat. But Kara posses a special feature, she is warmer than any human. You feel her skin on you help you with the chills and you feel yourself drifting off to sleep again.

Kara notices you are almost asleep, and decides you are cool enough now and gently nudges you awake.

Kara: “sweet girl please don’t fall asleep quite yet. Let me dry you off a bit and you need to drink a little bit of water. Then you can sleep again promise”

You grunt in disapproval “Nuh uh … don’t wanna, I just want sleep”

Kara: “ I know sweetie but its not an option, come one”- Kara immediately stands and grabs ahold of you and takes one of the bath robes and uses one on her and then she uses a big fluffy towel to pat you down enough to remove the water excess but leaving your skin a bit damp to help keeping you cool.

She takes you back to your room and sets you on top of the bed and quickly grabs a set of lose shorts and tank top to avoid overheating you.  She then sits you with you back on a pillow resting against the headboard while she speeds to the kitchen to get you ice water.

Kara: “Okay sweetie small sips, just a few smalls sips and that’s it.”- she makes you drink a bit of water and leaves the glass on the nightstand again. You notice she is now wearing a pajamas too and in the nightstand there’s also a bowl with water and a few small towels and an empty plastic bow- “Just in case you feel sick and need to vomit again and avoid a trip to the bathroom”

Y/N:” thank you sissy”- you tear up and your chin trembles.

Kara: “No no don’t cry baby girl. Come here”- she gently lifts you up sits down and then lays you on her side you head resting on her collarbone. She left her soft button- up pajama top mostly open so you can lean into her and feel her skin near the collarbone and upper chest. You settle down and keep listening to her heartbeat.

Kara: “sshh sshh…sweetie just close your eyes and sleep. You’ll feel better soon just sleep now” – once again you feel her gentle touch on your back, down your arms and temple. And that soft voice humming the melody you associate with comfort. you move a little trying to find the perfect spot and just like that in less than 10 minutes you’re asleep.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Fictober 21 - 2 “You have no proof”

I’m not tagging this one. It’s heavy.

Fanfic

Fandom: Inquistion

Summary: Withdrawal is hard. Dealing with that and his feelings is even harder for Owain Trevelyan. He doesn’t feel ready for this kind of thing. But maybe he doesn’t have to be. Maybe he just has to start.

(Warnings: mentions of withdrawal, child abuse, and homophobia.)

---

Another day, another pile of horse shit. Yet, somehow, still better than being a Templar. Life was funny that way.

Owain sighed in relief as he left the stable behind, body sore and mind tired. It had been a long day of taking care of the horses, punctuated by the fact he was actually afraid of them. People tended to forget that. Or maybe they did remember, and this was their way of torturing them. The Inquisitor seemed like a nice guy, so it was more likely than not that nobody had told him. He was going to go with that, because the alternative wasn’t great.

“Right… better go clean off and get something to eat.”

His mind was swimming, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been in weeks prior. He still felt the need in the back of his mind, but today it was more of a whisper than an outright scream. Tomorrow, who knew, but he was going to take his victories where he got them. A day without lyrium was in his book as good as any.

He just wished getting through this didn’t hurt so damn much.

“Alright there, Trevelyan?”

A deep voice made his insides flutter. He felt his face heat as he turned towards the barn. In his griping over the body aches, Owain hadn’t noticed that he had company. Someone was standing in the entrance to the barn, a block of wood in hand.

“Oh… Warden Blackwell.”

The man shook his head as he kept carving. He stopped to watch him, curiosity getting the better of him. Woodwork was always something he had admired as a young man, but he’d never had time to learn. Now he was probably too old for it. Knowing his luck, he’d probably cut one of his fingers off, and there would he be?

Well… not like he needed all 10 to take care of horses, but he’d like to keep them all the same. He had enough problems.

“Just Blackwell is fine.” His knife rasped against the wood again and again. From the looks of things, maybe it was starting to become a bird? “Long day?”

Owain could barely hear him over the pounding of his heart. “Oh… yes. I suppose so. I should be fine after I eat something, though.”

The man’s eyes were on him, studying him. It was hard to breathe then as he wondered just what Blackwell was looking for. Did he suspect him of lapsing on his promise? Most people did… he couldn’t blame them for that.

He just wished this one hadn’t…

“Ask the healer for herbs for the pain.” He kept carving. “Overheard a few ex-recruits talking about it.”

There went his heart again, pounding like crazy. “I will… tomorrow. Right now, I just want food and my bed.”

There was Blackwell’s eyes on him again as he stopped carving. His stomach shifted, and for not the first time in his life he felt guilty for something he hadn’t done. Right then, he was nothing more than a schoolboy being scolded for a mess he hadn’t made.

It was kind of annoying.

He took a breath before he spoke. “I assure you… I have not lapsed.”

“I believe you.” Blackwell kept carving. “Be hard for a stable hand to get lyrium anyway, unless you’re friendly with the mages.”

His carving was turning less bird like by the second. It took Owain a second to realize it was becoming a griffin. Maybe he should’ve realized that one sooner – after all, the man was a Grey Warden. Griffins were kind of their thing.

But…

“That is quite true.” He frowned. “Forgive me if I was short…”

There he went again, apologizing. In those moments, he swore he could feel his father’s hand on him, and it was hard not to wince. Even years later, he found he couldn’t escape it. Maybe he never would be able to – talk about a legacy.

“You were defending yourself.” Blackwell finished carving. “Only natural, I suppose, given the hell you’re going through.”

He held his griffin up to the light. It was a fine thing, at least by Owain’s lack of knowledge, wings spread, and beak bared in what probably would have been a vicious scream if any lived to make a sound. It was a fierce little thing – he would’ve hated to see the full-size version. Or worse… shoveled its shit.

All things considered that probably would’ve been his job…

Much to his surprise, Blackwell left the barn and met him in the yard. Owain blinked back surprise as the griffin was placed into his dirty hands. That close, he could smell the other man – there was sweat there, but also wood and hay.

It… was a nice smell.

“Here. You looked like you could use it.”

And briefly, he smiled. It was a little hard to see with the beard, but he felt it nonetheless. His heart thudded to life once more as he watched the man walk back to the barn. In that moment, he forgot how to breathe as he looked down at his gift.

This was probably the point he should have said thank you, but he wasn’t sure how to work his tongue anymore.

At least he managed to nod his head as he sped off, clutching the carving close to his pounding chest. Owain didn’t slow down until he was all the way back in his room, away from prying eyes and clicking tongues. Then he slid to the floor, back against his door, staring at the little griffin he had placed on the floor.

Blackwell had made it for him.

“Oh, Maker.”

It took him a few moments to rise and make it to the wash basin, but his thoughts were of nothing of the Warden. Even the cold water left from that morning did nothing to dissuade him of images of Blackwell, his smile, his hands… everything.

He was acting like a bloody teenager…

“Get it together, Owain. You’re far too old for this.” He brushed back wet hair from his forehead, sighing as he studied his tired expression in the glass he had hung above it. Lyrium withdrawal had made him lose a bit more weight, and the dark circles under his eyes didn’t help matters. “Best to return to reality, my friend.”

The extra splash of water did nothing to help him other than to wash the stink off, but at least he was clean enough to go get some food without offending people. His griffin soon rested next to the basin, where it would no doubt guard his room while he was away. Then he shut the door behind him to head off.

Naturally, the Great Hall was a mad rush at mealtimes. He threaded among the crowd, keeping his eyes low as he made his plate. The lyrium withdrawal made it hard for him to eat, but he needed to if he wanted strength for tomorrow. At least the ale helped keep things down as he grabbed a mug and started to look for a place to sit. Much to his relief, he found a small spot off to the side. Away from others, he was content to sit.

And as soon as he did, his stomach began to turn.

“Fuck.”

The expletive slipped from between his lips, but thankfully no bile followed. Owain rode the sudden wave of nausea, shutting his eyes tightly. The light made things worse sometimes, he found. At least it would be over soon… and lucky for him, dinner wasn’t strong smelling. He definitely would’ve vomited if so.

Things were going his way for once.

As the nausea subsided, Owain allowed a shaky breath. When nothing came up, another followed. Soon, he could risk opening his eyes. The room was no longer spinning, which meant he definitely could risk trying to eat.

But… maybe a few minutes more, just to be safe.

“Now, now, it’s not polite to swear.”

A voice from off to the side drew his attention. He cocked an eyebrow at spotting a man dressed all in black, his face a grinning skull. Ian was doing better those days as well, though he still needed to put on a bit more weight. His robes were at least not hanging as loose as they had been.

Though, it didn’t explain why he was there…

“Can I…” His eyes widened as he realized there was another standing next to him, a woman in a long dress with a cloth wrapped around his forehead. “Oh… Aeronwen.”

His sister nodded stiffly. “Owain.”

The shock ran through him as they both sat across from him, placing their plates down. He was numb in the moment as all thoughts shut down. If either noticed, they didn’t care. They were too focused on eating.

Why now? And with him?

Ian answered that for him as he sipped from his mug, beaming in a none-too-friendly way. “So… I saw you getting awfully chummy with the Warden in the yard. Didn’t think you were into the big and hairy type.”

Owain’s heart stopped, and his mind reeled. “I… no you don’t…”

Aeronwen shook her head as she put down her fork. “We know you prefer men, Owain. So does Ian.”

“And Aery’s a big ol’ lesbian, so we’re the death of the Trevelyan line!” Ian laughed cheerfully, practically throwing his head back. “Well, besides any older siblings that had children… I guess that’s a fly in the butter.”

His heart was still struggling to start back up as he took in the information. On the bright side, he definitely wasn’t nauseous anymore. Downside… everything else. This definitely wasn’t a conversation he had been planning… well, ever. But it was happening, and he couldn’t exactly escape.

Fuck his need to be polite…

Ian seized upon his stunned silence and leaned in, grinning. “So… you and the Warden…”

His face heated as he glanced to the side. “I have no idea what you speak of Ian. We work in similar spaces and have chance to speak.”

And… sometimes he got presents…

“Looking like more than just speaking to me.” Aeronwen took a sip of her ale, grimacing. “Ugh, who brewed this, it tastes like rotten dirt.”

Her cousin chuckled. “Good to see you’re still an ale snob, Aery. It does my dark little heart good to hear you complain.”

“The stuff I make is miles better.” Her eyes were back on him, however. “But we’re getting off the subject. About your crush on the Warden…”

Another pang of panic shot through Owain’s system. Them knowing his attractions was one thing… implying he had feelings for Blackwell was another matter entirely. Maybe that was why he quickly rose to his feet, almost knocking his mug over in the process.

“I don’t…” he took a shaky breath to steady himself and his shaking hands. After that, it was a sip of ale to help his dry mouth. How it tasted like dirt, h had no clue – it didn’t matter then as he put it down with a still trembling hand. “You have no proof.”

Ian and Aeronwen exchanged looks, neither saying anything. It was impossible to tell what either was thinking then. However, he sank back down in his seat regardless. Shame was squirming in his stomach for so many things right then, he just couldn’t pick one.

On the bright side… no nausea?

“It’s not a big deal, you know. He seems interested.” Ian took a hearty sip from his mug. “Might as well go for it. Once you come off the lyrium withdrawal you’re going to be horny as fuck anyway.”

“Gross.”

“What, I heard an ex-recruit talk about it.”

None of their conversation registered with Owain. He was too busy staring blankly down at his plate, unable to think. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind; he couldn’t even think to grab one and settle on it as he wordlessly ate, mostly on instinct. If the pair noticed, they didn’t say anything.

In the end, he finished long before they did. Wordlessly, he got up from the table. Before long, he was leaving the hall. Right then, all he wanted was to find his bed and stay there until things made sense again. He would even take the aches in his body over this.

Fuck…

Maybe due to his inability to focus, he missed the sudden weight on his shoulders. Then it left him. He blinked and realized that someone was standing in front of him. Paper crinkled as they unwrapped a chocolate and popped it into their mouth, eyes glowing in the torchlight.

Jackel Lavellan. Just who he didn’t need.

“You should probably work on that whole shame thing. It’s going to cost you a chance at a good relationship.” She swallowed. “That, and all the work I did. It wasn’t easy getting you from creepy templar to mostly normal.”

He winced at the memory. “I thank you for the help but…”

The words died in his throat. A thousand things he could’ve said, but he just couldn’t get them out. In the end, he settled on silence. It was an old strategy, one he had mastered as a child. Once again, it was helping him.

How were they all so… casual about it?

Jackel nudged him forward – he moved without thinking. “He likes you. It’s why he made the griffin for you.”

Maybe if this had been a month prior, Owain would have been surprised. However, time and experience had taught him the elf knew everything hidden in Skyhold. For all he knew, she had been watching from a tree. She did that a lot – made it easier to jump on people.

Again, he would know – she had knocked him down a few times.

“I…”

He frowned. “I do not think I know what to do about any of this.”

The elf gave him a nudge forward; maybe on someone else it would have been a shove. Lucky for him, she was tiny. “Stop thinking about it with the big head and go with the little one. See where that leads you.”

Humorless laughter bubbled from his lips as Owain shook his head. “I can only see it leading to disaster.”

Where else could it lead? Even if it wasn’t Blackwell, it wasn’t like he had… experience… in these matters. The other man would expect him to know things he had no idea about. Just thinking about it made his stomach squirm, and the nausea returned.

Just the time to feel sick.

“Well, I don’t. And I know more than you.” She elbowed him in the side. “So, trust me and get that Warden already. He’s practically pining. It’s rude to make him wait.”

It was also rude to presume things… but Owain’s mind traveled back to the smile and the griffin resting in his room. Just thinking about them made his heart feel warm in a way he didn’t often allow. As much as it scared him, he wanted more. Right then, he wanted it more than his next breath.

But… to actually ask…

Jackel shoved him forward again. “Just do it. You don’t have to jump his bones on day 1 even, just get it going. Mythal’s tits, you’re slow.”

Get it going.

“I… think I could do that.”

She nodded at him, clearly pleased. “Good. And don’t forget to take a bath before you fuck. You don’t want to smell like horse shit. I doubt even he’s into that.”

Her bluntness brought the color to his cheeks, but at least he managed a nod. While the dark feelings still swarmed in his stomach, there was still the warmth that refused to leave even as they swarmed.

Maybe… he would stop by the barn. Just to talk. Nothing too serious yet. Just… starting things. If there was anything to start.

That thought may have been quiet, but something about it echoed through Owain’s body. For the first time in what felt like ages, his step was lighter as he started to walk again. While a weight still weighed him down, it was easier – almost manageable. Maybe with time, he would be free of it.

But… at least he was starting. And that was something. One small step was all it took to start, after all. Where it would take him, Owain wasn’t sure. All he knew was that it was in a new direction, one completely off the path planned for him. A step he had decided all on his own, tiny as it was.

He could get used to this sort of freedom. Now… what the hell was he going to say? They hadn’t exactly covered flirting with another man in etiquette lessons…

[molachaka]

cigarettes - sabito (fluff)

Assumptions made the boy hesitate to give his heart to her.

"You're smoking?"

Sabito did not reply to your high-pitched question, instead, inhaling more of the aired wisps and letting it out in the night, swept off with wind.

Offended at the lack of response, you stomped towards the man on the park and pulled the cancer stick out of his fingers – the putrid smell of acid smoke burns your nose unpleasantly, scrunching your face on the process.

Your coworker did not move on the bench, but he did set his eyes on you before huffing out the smoke in his mouth. Right on your face.

"Ugh, Sabito-!" You coughed and swat the dirty air away, completely letting go of the still burning stick to the ground.

The pink-haired man couldn't help but chuckle pleasantly at your reaction - finding it adorably cute, before grimacing at that sudden thought and looking back at the bright city view behind you with more focus than needed.

Truthfully told, he likes you – even much so that he thinks he might be falling for you. Any other day, he would have repeatedly tease you, soak up your attention – both good and bad – and try to get some charm points to get you to notice him but...

News on the corps you're already dating someone. On the fucking internet. Who the fuck does that?

Sabito scorned at the thought of losing you to some stranger he couldn't even punch of.

That's why he's here, smoking miles away from where you parked on your own car, but can you believe his terrible luck? You're here too.

His mind wants to ease his thoughts off you, take his moment to be fond of the cigarette taste in his tongue rather than his mind wandering of what your kiss would taste like, and maybe perhaps go to a bar and drink this stupid, dejected feeling away.

But here you are; your very being torments him in such, disgusting(ly good) way.

"You shouldn't smoke you damn idiot! You already got sick last week with a stupid cold," you crossed your arms and shot him an unhappy look, giving him your side eye with a cute sneer to boot. 

"Now you're going to kill yourself slowly with a literal cancer stick? Unbelievable!" You lecture him as you always do whenever you see him doing 'bad' things, and usually... he would have soaked them all up as he watches your lips move tantalizingly, wandering when he could kiss them until he'll snapped out by a good slap on the back with a foreboding threat coming from you.

This time, he's not in the mood to even breathe in the same air as you. Sabito did not hide his growing frown. He doesn't know if you're doing this for fun, or you're just torturing him. Because all of you - your words, your act - they all seems to relay on him with mixed messages.

And he hates them. He's sick of them. Perhaps part of you for dating someone else that isn't him too. But he also hated the fact you're acting 'concern' to him when just a day ago, you threw a memo pad on his temple after taking the last bite from your pudding.

With your hurtful words of his habit traveling from one ear and another, Sabito mused at that one thought.

He has to say, the dessert you craved so much is sweeter with your taste on it. Always have been. Then again, he couldn't pull the same stunt anymore now that you're in a 'relationship'.

Sabito let out a long, dreaded sigh at such reality. With an aggro tone, the man folded his hands on his chest and blankly stared at you with tired lavender eyes.

"Now why would you care?"

Your jaw dropped at his sudden question and your eyes widened in disbelief – shutting yourself up from your minutes long lecture about the importance of a healthy lung.

He usually just listens to you with a sly smirk on his face, so you didn't expect him to ask such a trivial question now out of the blue.

You expected him to defend himself – maybe tease his way out like other times - not counter you with such a sentimental question.

"It's bad for the health!" You retorted quickly, too quickly for the pillar to notice your ever blushing form. "It's common sense!"

"Common sense?" Sabito tilted his head like a sly fox scrutinizing its prey. "Do you snatch cigarettes from every smoking person you see in this district?"

One of your eye twitched at his sarcastic tone, before blushing madly at the way his amethyst eyes looked up at you with sharpness that makes you feel judged.

"N-no, but-"

Sabito hummed nonchalantly, sitting straight from the bench and walked towards you.

"Is that so?"

Each step he takes is like an earthquake that shook your core, and with an expression like that; Narrowed eyes, teasing grin and a sense of luster of colors in those purple mirrors - you couldn't help but be frozen in your place out of shock of this new light on his personality.

"I'm asking you again this time," Sabito took your chin with his thin fingers, the pads rough on your skin and creating an evident contrast that warms your cheek. When his sharp nose brushed on yours, you felt your breath-hitching in your throat. You find it impossible to pull yourself away, especially when he's staring you down with soulful lidded eyes.

He exhaled, the warmth on his breath flushing your face just as his question did to your chest.

"Why do you care?"

The telltale of smoke in his breath lingers, and you feel like you're melting from both the heat from your cheeks and the way his body pressing against yours.

"I-I," you gulped, heart ramming in your chest – vision dizzying from the focus you have instilled in his stare. "Just care for you..."

A hand gripped your shoulder, squeezing them with a tight hold - and before you know it, you're pinned on the nearby street lamp with Sabito smirking down at you like a predator would a helpless prey.

"Easy, isn't it?" Warm lips stretched tantalizingly slow, before disappearing besides you - the soft flesh skimming against your ear.

He whispered your name huskily. "I'd like more of your honesty next time."

___

Sabito spat out the tea you prepared for him, getting an earful from you at the process. "Can you not? I just finished cleaning the house."

"So you're saying..." His body started shaking at suppressing his laughter as his fingers traveled up to his hair and gripped on them - eyes closed and a big aloof grin on his face. "You're 'dating' an anime character? On a game?"

My kami. Why.

You slumped your shoulders exaggeratedly and looked at him with a lost, yet annoyed expression. "Is it really that hard to believe?"

He cannot. Sabito can't-

Full blown laughter echoed around the room - the deep octaves of his voice trembled in your chest as you tried hard to scrubbed the tea of your beloved floor.

"Shut up" You shouted, embarrassed and cheeks warm from his joy. "I'd rather date someone who'll love me for me even if they're just two dimensional."

Laughter soon became dying wheezes as Sabito threw himself on the floor at your reply - cradling his stomach as tears bites his lavender eyes. Shit, he doesn't know if he'll feel bad at your predicament or relieved that you're single, but holy shit.

Why have you torture him with this information? Why? He might as well sounds like a broken woodpecker right now.

You glared at this man before throwing a dry towel at his face in tantrum, hoping he'd suffocate from it. "Well if you think that's funny - don't dare try to kiss me and ask if I'm single on the same night, you damn idiot." Crossing your arms, you couldn't help but puff your cheeks at the memory - sure it affected you since you do care for this man more than you wanted to but, you felt belittled after telling the damn truth. "I should've just screamed rape when I had the chance."

"You know," Sabito composed himself, a hand on your coffee table as he inhaled the much needed air for his lungs. "You don't need to date something two dimensional. When you can date me."

The sight of your face suddenly fuming red made the man laugh an easy laugh and he did not hesitate in pulling you against him for another kiss.

And the way you melted against him made him crave for more.

Sabito cradled your head and gripped your hair with a soft hold, tugging on it lightly to make you gasp. The air that escaped your lips traveled down in his stomach in a pleasant buzz. He captured your lips with ferocity that melted your frame against him, his hand traveling down to hold you down on his lap to feel you more.

Your arms snaked around his neck, and the weight of them settled on his chest as your own pressed against his - the feel of your tongue against his own drugged him with lust, and he pulled himself away from your lips to trail down kisses down your neck to savor more of you; groaning appreciatively when your back arched before him. And the moaned you gave him when he latched on your neck with a soft bite egged him to do more.

The way you smell... your reactions, and how you feel above him - all of those did no justice with the way you uttered his name in a breathless plea, and it made him stop to kiss your lips with a lust-filled apology leaving his own.

Because Sabito hopes you'd forgive him for what he'll do to you tonight.

When he only need to ask the truth and receive hers.

[fuckinuchihas]

Cut The Love You Pieces Out of Me

KONOHAMARU X READER

NOT RATED-WILL PROBABLY END UP EXPLICIT

PART TWO

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Injury to Reader, Embarrassed Reader, Uzumaki relation implied of Reader, more to be added later I’m sure.

If I’ve forgotten anything be sure to let me know!

PART ONE

You’re cut heals over the next day or so, your leg still isn’t in any kind of running condition but you can walk on it without crying so you push forward. The quicker you get back to Konoha the better. 

He doesn’t know he’s doing it but fuck, Konohamaru is a goddamn tease and for once you wish you had Kunochi friends to vent with about him. He’s doted on you for the better part of a week now and as if that wasn’t enough to get your heart to do funny things, he seems to have also adopted the civilian clothing thing and it’s...well it’s not unflattering. 

He wears a number of pale shirts so of course the universe decides to smack you in the face with rainstorms that mean his clothes are clinging to him like a second skin. His muscles flex through the material and your eyes track it no matter how many times you force yourself to look away.

It’s a wonder he hasn’t already looked at you with those big sad eyes and told you it’s never going to happen. He’s probably waiting until you get back to Konoha so that it’s not even more awkward than it has been for the rest of the trip. 

Ugh, you’re worked up and frustrated and you can’t even let it out by sparring because of your stupid leg.

You finally start to give out, your leg was done a mile back but you pushed ahead anyway. Now you’re paying for it so you tug on his sleeve and he nods in understanding.

It’s easy for you to set the barriers now, your chakra is nearly full capacity given that you haven’t used it for much except dealing with your injury. So you quickly send up the sealing jutsu that you crafted into a specialty all your own, and you will rest easily knowing you’re safe.

After the fire is built and the bedrolls are in place you feel a little tingle in the back of your neck and you smile sadly. “How do you feel about venison for dinner?” 

He looks at you and grins, wide and open, “That would be amazing, I haven’t had- 

*CRACK* 

You drop your hand that had been making a twisting motion just a moment earlier and close your eyes, “Thank you for your sacrifice, rest in peace.” 

“Did you just-” 

“It’s a quarter mile that way, if you want to lug it back I can prepare it but with my leg as bad as it is now, I can’t go after it,” you say, pointing in the direction where the young buck gave its life. 

He nods happily and takes off through the trees. 

You turn your head and let the tears you’ve been holding in finally fall.

You don’t like killing, not animals or ninja, but you’ll do it when the job calls for it. 

These tears though, are a little bit of everything. Sadness over the last moment of holding that buck’s neck in your hands, petting it softly with your chakra before twisting its neck. Then there’s the emotions you’ve been holding in for the past few days that also escape out with the rest.

You’re able to track every movement within the barrier so you make sure there’s no evidence of your tears by the time he makes it back to camp. Instead you put on a bright smile and welcome him back with gusto. It probably sounds a little fake but for all that he is, and he is quite a many wonderful things, Konohamaru can still be pretty oblivious on the day to day. So you hope he doesn’t see it and comfort yourself with the reassuring truth that a lot of more obvious things have slipped his notice. 

He’s more than happy to do the grunt work on preparing dinner so you nod in agreement and mention lying down for a nap.

He stands guard as he works even if he doesn’t really need to.

You can’t sleep despite the monumental effort you’re putting in. Your mind keeps wandering back to the way he picked you up so effortlessly. You shiver at the memory of his biceps curled protectively around your thighs and back. You bite back a moan when your brain draws up the way his jaw clenched as your arms wrapped around his neck. 

It’s enough to drive you to distraction and beyond. You want nothing more than to get some alone time but if you ask for it while in camp it would be suspicious. Potentially you could send him after water when he finishes with the deer but then you’ll have to cook the meat and watch the fire so there’s little opportunity for you to take care of yourself in those following moments either. 

You doubt he’ll let you use the bath in the lake excuse again, not with how it ended last time, which is fair but still frustrating. 

Maybe if you’re really quiet… 

No, no… you can’t. He’s a ninja with excellent hearing and no matter how quiet you attempt to be, it is practically impossible for you to stay completely silent.

You groan in annoyance. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, softly whispering your name as he moves closer to your bedroll.

“Fine. I’m just having a little trouble sleeping,” you say, hoping he will back away and leave you alone. With as worked up as you’ve managed to get yourself, one look from those big bright eyes and you’ll be lost.

“Oh, I see. Well if there’s anything I can do just let me know,” he says, and you could choke on the sincerity. 

Instead you let out a strangled laugh and rub at your tired eyes. “I’ll be sure to let you know if any ideas come to mind,” you lie, because you know exactly how he can help you sleep but you refuse to ask it. Not that it would matter much anyway, if he did it you’d only be able to add it to the neverending list of ways you’ve been a burden to him on this godforsaken mission. 

Three years, countless successful assignments, nearly every moment you were a consummate professional and yet less than a week by his side and you’ve proven to be nothing but another useless kunoichi. 

You don’t buy into that whole women are useless in the field ideology but there are always a couple that prove the stereotype true, it’s never you, has never been you before. 

You absolutely hate that it’s you when you’re with him. 

It’s not like you imagined things turning out in some daydream fantasy, that would be stupid and a waste of valuable time. However, the moment you saw his potential, the fire in his eyes, the raw something that he held above all others, you wanted. You ached with it in ways you’d never experienced but since that moment you’ve done nothing but cause him trouble and how would a man like that ever look at you twice if he had to spend the days you have together playing nursemaid. 

“You seem to be miles away...homesick?” he asks, coming closer still.

He’s snuck up on you while you were reliving your self loathing spiel. 

How rude of him. 

“Sort of,” you say, because you certainly can’t tell the whole truth. Though it’s not exactly a lie, you miss the you from before you knew him.

“Ah, I know what this is. You have someone special waiting for you back home that you miss, right?” he asks, smiling brightly. 

He’s completely unaffected by the idea of someone waiting for you. 

It shouldn’t hurt, but it does.

It hurts bad, the pain in your chest feels like a boulder sitting on top of you. 

“Yeah, that’s it..” You lie, and turn over to keep the tears from falling where he can see them. “Don’t forget to keep the organs. We’ll leave them to feed some of the local animals before we move on.” 

You swallow hard, grateful that you kept your voice steady and even despite your emotions.

Thankfully he takes the hint and leaves you to your depression burrito. 

At least you don’t have to worry about the sexual frustration anymore. 

~~~~~!!~~~~~

When you wake up to cook the meat, Konohamaru is quiet. You’re almost concerned that something happened but when you ask he just waves you off and says he’s just looking forward to the meal. You offer him a granola bar and a couple food pills, to your surprise he actually takes them and then thanks you politely. 

He goes for a swim/bath and gathers some fresh water from the lake. It’s quiet without him but when he gets back that doesn’t change and you start to feel a little on edge. 

He must realize he’s acting weird when you pass him a bowl because he smiles and tries to keep conversation but you can see that it doesn’t reach his eyes and it makes something slimy slither around in your stomach. 

What could have possibly happened while you slept? 

“I know you say everything is okay and I believe you, I do but if you wanted someone to talk to...well I’m your very own one woman captive audience,” you grin, teasing him a little as you try to poke at his cracking facade. 

He leans back on his hands, arms flexing as he stares off into the distance, oblivious to your eyes tracking the clenching of his biceps. 

‘Fuck, no...focus bitch,’ you tell yourself in your mind. 

“Oh I forgot to mention that you don’t owe me another question,” he says, as if it just randomly occurred to him and also as if you hadn’t just spoken to him before. Did he miss the interaction entirely? 

“Okay, how did I manage that...you didn’t ask me anything in my sleep did you,” you say, eyeing him skeptically. 

“No no, I uh, it’s just you answered the other question I had, that’s all..” 

You frown in confusion and your feel your mouth pull to a slight pout. “And when exactly did I answer your big number three?”

He’s turned away from you, reaching for his bowl that he’d sat down to warm his hands by the fire, “I was just going to ask if you were single, but of course you’re not. That wouldn’t make sense at all..I guess I should have thought of something better huh?” he says, scratching his head as he turns back, the slightest pink tinge on his cheeks. 

You blink at him.

He’s not-surely he’s not saying what you think he’s saying…

You must have misheard. 

But what if…?

You clear your throat, nerves fluttering wildly in your belly. “Why would you care about that?” 

“Oh no reason,” he says, stuffing his mouth full of venison as he looks at anything that isn’t you. 

“I’m not, you know...I um, I kinda lied earlier,” you admit, because you just can’t let yourself take the chance that he was actually interested and you let him believe a lie to get away from it. “I just didn’t want to explain where my mind was at, y’know? It was kinda personal and I reacted. I’m sorry...you deserve the truth.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I get it,” he says, and this time he looks at you wide eyed and the smile on his lips grows wider until it actually reaches his eyes and you can’t help the way your heart goes rabbit fast against your ribs. 

“What about you… do you uh, have anyone waiting back in Konoha?” you ask, because you’re a glutton for punishment. If you’ve read this entire situation wrong you’re going to be mortified and the chances are still slim that he actually wants you, for more than some fun anyway. 

“Not really, there’s not very many kunoichi who are my type,” he says softly, like it’s kind of a secret. 

You laugh. “Oh? And what’s your type exactly?” 

You assume whatever he’s going to say next will be laughable. You’ve heard that phrase a million times over but they all still end up wanting something you’re not. Blonde, brunette, skinny, short, smart; hell even strong, which you actually managed to convince yourself you were, at least until he showed up. 

“Comfortable,” he says, and you’re thrown. 

Surprised would be an understatement in the moment.

“Comfortable?” you ask, cause clearly you’re confused. What kind of girl would be ‘comfortable’ to him? 

“I don’t really know how to describe it, I guess it’s just something I know when I see it,” he answers, and nods his head as if he’s affirming it to himself. 

“Oh that clears it up,” you say sarcastically. Are you his type or not? You’d like to think you’re ‘comfortable’ but mostly only because he hasn’t heard your internal monologue. “Like...comforting?” you ask, because that’s so not your thing, not really. 

“I mean, that’s nice too I guess, but it wasn’t what I meant...I could- I could show you,” he says, rushing through the rest of his dinner as if it's his last meal. 

“Umm...sure I guess,” you say, ‘I have a pencil and some pages..” 

“No- I,” he starts, swallows and tries again. “Just...can I come a little closer?” 

He looks nervous and that should probably put you on edge but you trust him implicitly. After everything he’s done for you over the last few days, it's the least you could give him in return. “Sure.”

He smiles directly at you over the flickering campfire and you feel your heart thump thump irregularly. You chuckle to hide the awkwardness when he moves closer. 

He sits down beside you where you’re leaned against the tree for support and he’s so close, his face is right there and your hands itch to do something, anything. 

You stop yourself before they can actually reach up, thankfully. 

But then the next thing you know his head is cradled in your lap and he’s smiling up at you. 

“Like this...comfortable.” 

You narrow your gaze but there’s no heat in it, “Someone who’s fat?” you ask, and immediately regret it. 

His face scrunches up, “I don’t like that word and you’re not, for the record; not even by civilian standards,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re strong and healthy.” 

It’s impossible to hold back the snort and you grin down at him. “You sure you didn’t hit your head back there somewhere?” you ask, because he’s obviously being ridiculous and if it were anyone else you’d be worried about hidden agendas, but Konohamaru is like the most sincere, most kind person you’ve ever met. No way would he betray the bond you’ve started. 

“You got injured, that happens to all of us. It doesn’t make you weak- Actually if it weren’t for you I might not be here,” he says softly. “That ninja...he was a lot stronger than I am. If you hadn’t sealed him I don’t know that we could have won that fight.” 

You find it hard to swallow, but you force down the lump in your throat. You breathe out a shaky exhale before you slowly start to card your fingers through his hair. “Thank you, I-I know I  haven’t been of much use since the fight but I am grateful that you recognize my strength anyway.” 

He shakes his head but when you pull your hand away he takes it gently in his own and puts it back on the soft, still damp strands of his hair. “That wasn’t meant to be discouraging...this is nice,” he says, back in that softer tone before he goes to a normal speaking voice. “You’ve done twice or three times what most shinobi would in your place.”

You don’t know how to take his compliments. They make you feel warm and flush all over but you don’t want to let on so you go back to your comfort zone. “Yeah, well that’s not exactly a compliment. Most men are useless when they’re injured,” you say, a small laugh escaping your lips after the words tumble out. 

He laughs along, “We really are..” he says, and you’re both pleased and surprised he agrees with you so quickly. 

You lay there in lazy, quiet comfort for a while before you finally speak up again. 

“So when you say comfortable…” you start, biting your lip a bit as the nerves flutter wildly under your skin. “You mean someone like me?” 

Konohamaru just nods, you can feel his head move in your lap, feel the direction of it under your fingertips but you need more. 

“I need more,” you say, unable to hold it in any longer. “If this is-If I’m someone you want, I need more than a type. I want you to think about it, Konohamaru because I don’t want to scare you or add pressure but if that’s what you want, you should also know that I need more than tonight.” 

He sits up and you start to pull away but he grabs gently at your wrist to keep you from getting too far. “Hey,” he says, pulling you back making sure to lift you gently off the ground so there’s no added pressure to your leg. He whispers your name softly as his thumb brushes against your lower lip. “I’m willing to work for it, to prove myself to you.” 

“And what if I think you are unworthy,” you say, your lip trembling under the tip of his finger. You’re also particularly convinced you’re dreaming and scared he’s going to disappear right in front of you. 

“Oh I have no doubt you will, but I’m hoping that won’t stop you from accepting me.” 

Definitely dreaming….was the venison drugged?

“Okay, well...I uh, I should get to bed. You take the first watch, okay?” you ask, but don’t give him time to answer before making a mad dash, or as close to one you can get on one leg toward your bedroll and quickly fake being asleep. 

“We’ll reach Konoha tomorrow, I intend to take you out after you’ve recuperated. I would really appreciate it if you’d clear some time out of your schedule for that,” he says, with all the confidence and cockiness you’ve come to love.

You let out a fake snore but it’s not convincing if the way he laughs at you is anything to go by. 

Your cheeks burn inside your bedroll that’s pulled over your head as you quietly smile a soft, excited grin. 

You really hope this isn’t a dream, but if it is...you don’t want to wake up.

-UPDATED- READ ALL 4 CHAPTERS ON A03

[mr--clown]

Two heads are better than one

Request: “Can you write Arthur with chronic migraines?”

God, @disabledwarriorwriter​ thank you very much for your patience!! I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. The song is “Ha! Ha! Said the clown” by Manfred Mann; but I had in mind the tune of “Send in the clowns” sksksks Idkw This is pure fluff (and slight angst at the beggining), so I hope I have fulfilled your request the right way, otherwise let me know and I will gladly modify it.

Also, sorry my English is more basic than H2O, I’m still learning. Here you go!

Word count: 1450

Arthur hates to worry you, he always tries to act like everything’s okay and whenever he has a migraine episode, he runs to the bathroom as soon as possible. But sometimes it is impossible for you not to notice…

“This whole thing is ridiculous, Arthur, it’s pathetic. What were you thinking, for God’s sake!?!?”

Arthur remained silent, his headache had been killing him since the morning and Hoyt’s screams made everything worse, even making him want to throw up.

Today, his migraine episodes were stronger than usual, the pain had been so sharp that he couldn’t help but have a fit in the middle of a children’s party, causing all the kids to panic and start crying as well. The result? Angry, creeped out parents yelling at him. Oh, and Hoyt speaking to him as if he was retarded:

“Do you even understand what the fuck I’m saying? I swear I’m wasting my time with your dented brain. Look, I’ll make it simple: I DON’T WANT to put up with this kinda bullshit again, got it?”

Screams and more screams, Arthur grimaced feeling he couldn’t ignore the pain.

“What? Are you going to cry? Pfft, not in my office, get outta here, I don’t have anything else for you.”

But Arthur didn’t move a muscle to leave, he stood there with his head down, stroking his arm to comfort himself.

“What ya waiting for, asshole!?!?”

“My paycheck…” He mumbled as he felt a sudden turn in the stomach, fearing for the answer.

Hoyt just laughed and leaned back in his chair: “You kiddin’, right?”

Art smiled uneasy, stroking his arm non-stop, trying to imagine it was your hand soothing him: “No, it’s just I thought that… uhh… since I worked… since I worked really hard during the week, I thought that…”

“Arthur, Arthur…shut the fuck up, k? You should be thankful I didn’t fire you; now get the hell outta here before I do it, freak.”

“Freak” Ugh, he hated when Hoyt used that word, it made his head rumble with helplessness. And the bouncing of the bus only made it worse.

When he finally came home, he hesitated an eternity in front of the door: “How are you going to explain that Hoyt didn’t pay you? She will find out you’re a loser.” Ugh, if his head didn’t hurt so much, he might think of some not-so-self-humiliating way of telling you.

…

As soon as you heard the door opening, you ran to meet him:

“Arthur!! You’re home early today!!”

“Y/N, I want…I have to-to tell you something important.”

You frowned, a little concerned about the earnestness you noticed in his words.

“Uhmmm, okay…? I hear you, hun. What do you have to tell m–”

“I need to go to the bathroom.”

You chuckled a bit at his “confession” and the weird way he said it.

“You know you can go, love. In the meantime, I’ll serve dinner so try not to take too much time there, okay?”

Arthur nodded his face full of concern and walked towards the bathroom, but the throbbing pain that had been increasing since the morning, reached its limit and made him feel so dizzy that he lost his balance and faded on the floor, legs trembling, holding himself vaguely on the center table.

“ARTHUR!! ARE YOU OKAY?!?”

At your screams, Arthur immediately grabbed his head, feeling his brain bounce off his skull. That’s when you realized what was going on:

“Arthur, please tell me that you DID take the pills for your migraines.” You scolded as you helped him get up and guided him to bed.

Artie started to chuckle while you were taking off his shoes, which made you feel like maybe you were pushing him too hard.

“SoHA.. soHA..soHAHAHArry..HAHAHA..” He couldn’t hold back his thunderous laughter, which just made his head hurt more.

“HOYHAHA..HOYT..HAHACHHG” He was choking on trying to explain, so he brought both hands to his throat, looking desperate.

“Artie, it’s okay love, you have to calm down, don’t talk, breathe with m..”

“MY PAHAY… HE DIHAHAHA…HE DIDN’T..” Despite how unintelligible his sounds were, you understood what your Arthur meant, so you tried to put him to bed and ran for his pill.

When you returned he was curled up in a fetal position, his attack had not stopped, but he drowned it covering his head in the pillows, full of shame.

You approached him and noticed that he was burying his nails in the pillows, you couldn’t even imagine the intensity of the headache he was having.

“Love, take your pill, it will make you feel better.” You insisted, stroking his back softly.

He swallowed it and turned to see you, with fear in each of his gestures:

“I won’t make it through the night, Y/N.” He confessed, sobbing and wiping his tears with his sleeves.

“Art, don’t say that, silly, you’ll be fine…” But you doubted your words a bit, seeing your Arthur like this was killing you too.

…

So, you laid down next to him and hugged his head burning with fever, giving him a thousand kisses that allowed you to smell the fresh and peculiar scent of his mane.

You started to gently brush his hair back with your fingers, while he dipped his head into your stomach as if the heat of your body gave him some kind of relief.

You entwined your fingers between his soft brown locks and brought your lips close to his ear as much as you could to whisper to him in a peaceful tone:

♬♫♬ “Feeling low…” ♬♫♬ Then, you caressed his ear with your fingertips, still feeling him sob against your abdomen.

♬♫♬ “Gotta go, see a show in town..” ♬♫♬ You rub his silk lobe with your thumb and continue, smiling slightly:

♬♫♬ “Hear the jokes, have a smoke, and a laugh at the clown” ♬♫♬

♬♪ “In… a…. whirl..” ♬ He utters in a shaky voice, sniffing, you can feel his warm breath against your navel, even when you have your blouse on.

♬♫ “See a girl with a smile in her eyes, never thought I’d be brought right down” ♬♪

♬♪♭♩ “By her lies” ♬♪♭♩ You sing in chorus and it’s almost as if you can hear him smile, which makes you smile too.

You pause, here comes Arthur’s favorite part:

♬♫♬ “Grab the coat” ♬♫♬ And you slide your hand with some panache through his jacket

♬♫♬ “Grab my hat” ♬♫♬ And you give two gentle taps on his head with your index finger, making him giggle a little bit.

♬♫♬ “Look that girl in the eye” ♬♫♬ You command him and raise his face with your hand under his chin.

He smiles at you and continues excited the song, out of tune with how torn his voice is:

♬♯♬ “Where’s your home, what’s your phone number, *ahem* sorry..” He realized how awful he sounded, so he took refuge in your belly again.

♬♫♬ “Stop fooling ‘round, could have died, she replied..” ♬♫♬

You hug his head again to calm him down and plant a long kiss on his warm scalp, now comes the end and your favorite phrase, so your tone softens even more:

♬♪ “…I’m the wife of the clo–” ♬♪

♬♪ “Carnivaaal..” ♬♪ He whispered with his eyes closed, helping you finish the song according to him, hidden in your arms.

He raised his face only to look you in the eye: his messy hair made him look more tender than usual, his face looked tired but his eyes had a special shine, it was as if they were smiling at you.

“You know, Y/N”

He murmured and paused, admitting it was difficult because despite all the love you showed him, there was always that latent fear in his mind that you would realize how pathetic he is and then leave, like his father, like everybody…

“One day I’ll make you my wife”

He finally sentenced, smiling at you proudly, and immediately afterward buried his face in your stomach, feeling shy and vulnerable.

“Like the clown of the song”

He yawned with full happiness, hugging your legs as if they were his teddy bear and letting his eyes surrender to the tiredness that invaded every part of his fragile, worn-out body.

A tear ran down your cheek, Arthur always found a way to make you fall deeper in love with him, every day. And you, you would sing until he understood that you’re there for him, that his problems are also yours, that he doesn’t have to live his grief in solitude anymore, that you two could overcome everything together, because two heads are better than one.

[petri808]

A Forgotten Email

@inuvember for AU Day Inukag Continuation... part 1 here

Toga Inutaisho presses his intercom link to his secretary. “Ms. Higurashi, I have the reports ready for you.” He sits back smiling, waiting for the woman to come in to pick them up, because lately the amount of reports she needed to deliver to his son had increased and he was curious to know if that was irritating her.

As the young woman walks into his office, Toga carefully notes the annoyed look on her face, slightly hidden behind the fake smile. He turns his nose to the air, picking up on the traces of heightened adrenaline running through her veins. And who could miss the slight slump forward of her shoulders or fidgeting fingers resting near her stomach. Oh yes, Kagome looked perturbed about her errand.

But he couldn’t help himself. After all, Inuyasha was his son and after the young man had come to him panicked about how badly he’s botched their first lunch date, he felt a paternal need to ratchet up the amount of contact the two had. Of course, it came after a long counseling session about Inuyasha needing to fix things between Kagome and he, because regardless of the waning chemistry, they were colleagues and needed to get along. So now, a week later, it was obvious to Toga that his son was still failing to gain back her favor.

“Is something wrong my dear?” He asks Kagome as she takes the papers from his desk. “You seems a little down.”

“Oh, no Mr. Taisho, nothings wrong,” Kagome throws on an even wider smile in an effort to allay his concerns. “Maybe I’m just a bit tired today, that’s all.”

“Come now, Ms. Higurashi. If something is bothering you, I wouldn’t be a very good boss not to show concern.” Toga leans forward in his chair and rests his arms on the desk. “Please, tell me if anything, anything at all is bothering you.”

“I...” The sigh that leaves her lips causes Toga’s eyebrow to cock upward. Kagome realizes at that point there was no way she could hide it any longer. “I’m sorry Mr. Taisho. It’s just... Well that day Inuyasha took me out to lunch didn’t go as well as I’d hoped and now it feels awkward every time I have to see him.”

‘Awkward?’ It could have been a worse choice of words as far as Toga was concerned. Kagome seemed more torn than annoyed, and that was something he could work with. He leans back in his chair. “Tell me what my son did,” placing a faux annoyance in his tone, “it probably won’t surprise me.”

She fidgets a bit, nervously glancing around before taking a tentative seat on the edge of the couch. After a deep exhale, Kagome launches into a break down of their lunch. Inuyasha had been nervous, but that wasn’t unexpected, a little grumpy, at least that’s what she felt from him, almost annoyed that he was even there. “I just couldn’t tell if he’d agreed to shut me up...” moisture pools in her eyes. “I thought he wanted to go at first, I mean why would he have said yes if he didn’t want to?” She sighs, mumbling, “I must have miss read his cues...”

“What do you mean, what cues?” Toga questions her.

It brings a light flush to Kagome’s cheeks, “t-there was a... a strange spark between us the day we meet.” Kagome waves her hand as if erasing what she’d just said. “It was just all a mistake.” She says firmly, but with eyes still lowered to the floor, “maybe I had reminded him of someone because he called me by another persons name at lunch and when I tried to clarify, he cut me off abruptly, then rushed me back to the office. Now every time I have to see him, he won’t even look at me, barely even says more than thank you as I hand him the reports.” Kagome looks at her boss with pleading eyes, “couldn’t I just deliver the reports to Miroku instead? Please, I’d rather avoid Inuyasha if he doesn’t want to see me either.”

“Oh that idiot son of mine,” Toga mumbles and runs a hand down his face in annoyance. “Yes, for now just deliver the reports through Miroku, but I will deal with my son. He needs to make things right.” Toga stands and moves around his desk to help Kagome to her feet. “Don’t fret too much about this my dear. My son’s people skills need some work, but I promise you, he feels no ill will towards you.” He prompts her towards the door, “I will take care of everything.”

Kagome tips her head a bit confused by what her boss meant by make things right. Did Toga know more than he was letting on, like who the mystery person was? But she keeps her questions to herself for now. “O-Okay, thank you Mr. Taisho.”

“You’re welcome my dear.”

Once Toga is sure that Kagome is out of ear shot, he calls Inuyasha over the phone. “Son, I told you to fix things between you and from what I just heard it sounds like you haven’t done a damn thing!”

“What the hell are you bitching me out about now old man?! I said I fix it and I will but...”

“But nothing! You even left out the part that you called Kagome by your ex-fiancés name at lunch time! I can see why the woman feels awkward around you now!”

“What?! H-how do you... wait did Kagome tell you...”

“I asked her what was bothering her son. She still has no idea who Kikyo is but you owe her an explanation of that and why you were acting so strangely with her... hell son, the woman thinks you hate her.”

“Ahh, fuck...” Inuyasha groans on the other end of the line. “I didn’t mean to, I was just so fucking nervous I just... never mind, it’s too late now.”

“It is not too late. And I don’t care how you do it, but you need to suck it up, drop that pride of yours, and fix this!”

Inuyasha’s ears pin back at the sound of his fathers phone slamming down on the other end. His dad was obviously furious, but why, why was his dad so invested in him making amends with Ms. Higurashi? He hangs up his phone and cradles his head between his hands, propping it up on the desk. Ugh! It’s not like he had set out to have a bad lunch date, Inuyasha had wanted to make a good impression! He just... ‘fucked it up like every other date I go on...’

“Miroku get in here!” Inuyasha calls his co-worker.

“Ahh, perfect timing boss,” Miroku walks in and closes the door behind him, tossing the latest reports on Inuyasha’s desk. He smirks, “had a feeling I’d get called.”

“Wipe that grin off your face!” Inuyasha swipes at the papers indignantly, but quickly grimaces when he realizes it’s the reports Kagome normally delivers straight to him. So that’s why Miroku already knows something’s up. “Fuck, she brought these to you?”

“Your dad told her to bring it to me since you make her uncomfortable.”

Inuyasha flinches. Is it really that bad? ‘I make her uncomfortable?!’ He groans. “I don’t know how to deal with this.”

“Spill it boss, I can’t help if I don’t know what exactly happened between you two.” Miroku takes a seat. “I’m all ears.”

For the next 30 minutes Inuyasha tells his friend everything with coaxing through the hardest parts. He really didn’t like baring his private life to anyone, even a close friend, but it was the best option least his dad make his life miserable.

Miroku steeples his fingers, “I agree with your dad. You’ll need to apologize to Kagome and ask to start over again. And above all, keep that grumpy side of yourself in check.”

“Ugh! I know!” Inuyasha’s ears flatten as he buries his face in hands with a groan. He wasn’t a total idiot. In fact, not wanting to look like an idiot in front of her may have fueled what ended up looking that way anyways. He had stayed quiet through much of the lunch in fear of saying the wrong thing, but it came off grumpy instead. Then in an effort to make conversation, his ex’s name slipped out. He couldn’t help it! His nerves were frayed by that point, and Kagome did look a little like her. Not to say that she was anything like Kikyo, considering Kagome was a ray of sunshine compared to his ex’s fridged demeanor.

“Look boss,” Miroku leans into the frustrated Hanyo, “Kagome seems like the type to appreciate nice gestures. Try apologizing with flowers, beg her for a second date to make it up to her. Hell, make your ears whither down like now,” he chuckles, “I bet that’ll crack her.”

“You think so?” Inuyasha perks up, along with his ears.

Miroku chuckles, “she did love the ears...”

Bright and early the following morning, Inuyasha gets to the office before anyone else. He had no idea what kind of flowers Kagome may like so he asked the shop owner who suggested purple hyacinths. So with that in tow, he picks up some fresh scones and sneaks into Kagome’s office to place them on her desk. He turns on her computer and pulls up her email page. Their first meeting started with an email, why not begin anew with one.

But as his fingers hover over the keyboard, his mind blanks out. What should he say? Inuyasha was never good with words, especially mushy stuff. After a few seconds of internal bickering, his fingers click away at the keys. “Good morning....” erase, erase. “Hi Kagome, I just wanted to say...” erase, “apologize for the luncheon. I shouldn’t have behaved...” erase, erase, erase, “I’d like to...” Inuyasha groans under his breath. “Could we please talk? I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable I’m just so nervous when it comes to...”

A light gasp tickles his hearing, and when Inuyasha looks up, he locks eyes with its purveyor. “K-Kagome?!”

“Why are you in my office?! First you make me feel weird at lunch now you’re sneaking through my computer?! What’s next, you’re gonna stalk me to my apartment?!”

Inuyasha’s ears pin down, “I’m not doing anything like that woman, just let me explain!”

“You just wait till I tell your father.” Kagome turns in a huff and starts stomping away.

Quick in two bounds, the hanyo catches up and grabs her by the arm, “hey wait a minute, it’s not what you think!”

“Let me go!” She shrieks, pulling around his grip. “You’re hurting me!”

He lets her go but instead of releasing her, physically scoops her into his arms and runs back to her office with her screaming the entire way.

“You’re mad! Put me down!”

When he gets back to her desk, Inuyasha finally places her on her feet, forcing her to face the computer screen. “Just read it wench!” He grits his teeth in a desperate attempt to calm his racing heart. “I was trying to freaking apologize!”

It was only at that last word that Kagome notices the small bouquet of flowers and little white bag. She looks at the screen, her shoulders drooping with every word she reads. He wasn’t lying. But as Kagome focuses on the message, a dejected Inuyasha quietly makes his escape, so when she looks up to respond, he was gone. Sure it was weird walking in on him in her office, but if she’d taken a second to assess the whole situation before jumping to conclusions... Now she felt like the jerk.

Kagome searches frantically for Inuyasha at work, but couldn’t find him. He wasn’t in his office, hiding in Miroku’s, not even the bathrooms as far as she could tell. So, the moment her boss arrives, she feigns illness and goes home unsure of what to do next to call Sango for help.

“Oh, thank goodness you answered,” Kagome breathes out a sigh of relief at her friends voice before launching into her morning without giving the other woman any chance to interject.

“And when I looked up he was gone.” Her emotions were all over the place. Kagome wanted to cry and scream at the same time. So far, the tears were winning.

“Just calm down, take some deep breaths, we’ll figure this out okay.”

“But I don’t know what to do! I really can’t face him now.”

“Do you want to see him again?”

Her heart said yes, but her brain was screaming no. Kagome closes her eyes. What would her mother tell her to do? Be the bigger person. “Yes...” she sighs, “I should at least apologize properly.”

“In that case, he’s with Miroku.”

“How do you know?!”

“He called just before Miroku left for work and asked him to go to Jinenji’s. They’re probably still there. If not, I’m sure you could ask my husband where to find him.”

“Oh, the cafe? I know that place, the owner’s really nice.” Kagome shifts the phone as she wipes at her face and puts her shoes back on. “Thanks Sango! Wish me luck!”

Sango laughs on the other end. “Anytime.”

The five block walk from her apartment to the cafe gave Kagome some time to figure out what she was going to say once she’d found Inuyasha. She wasn’t about to grovel at his feet because he’d had some of it coming for putting her on edge in the first place, but even her mother would have scolded her for reacting so harshly without thinking first. But why had he chosen to leave that message the way he had? Inuyasha could have left the flowers and sent the email from the safety of his own office. It made little sense to her except maybe he’d made the decision on the spur of the moment.

When she arrives at the cafe, a quick scan of the room easily spies the pair of fluffy ears from a booth towards the rear. Inuyasha’s back was facing her, but she could see Miroku. She swore that man had some kind of sixth sense for female energy, because he spotted her seconds after walking in the door and waved her over. From her vantage, Kagome could see a heated conversation and Inuyasha’s whole body tense up, but ears fold down in submission. As soon as she gets to the table, Miroku slides out and motions for her to join them.

Once Kagome slides in towards the middle of the U-shaped booth, he rejoins and sits. “I hope you don’t mind Kagome, but I think I’ll stay in case I need to play mediator.”

She looks at Inuyasha who is avoiding eye contact, then back to Miroku. In a quiet voice she responds, her eyes averting to the table. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Miroku clears his voice, “Good, then I’m just going to say one thing before I let you two hash this out.” He chuckles, “you let your emotions get the better of you, it happens, but now it’s time to move forward.”

“I’ll...” Kagome takes a deep breath. “I guess I’ll start. I’m very sorry for how I behaved Inuyasha. I shouldn’t have jumped to any conclusions without giving you an opportunity to explain what you were doing in my office.”

“No it’s my fault,” the hanyo’s ears wilt. “It was cowardly to leave that apology on your computer. I should have just talked to you like a normal person.”

“Why did you do that? Are you afraid of me?” Her eyes implore for a satisfactory reason.

“No!” He turns away. “I mean maybe a little... but not because of you! I-I’m just not good at this kind of stuff.” Inuyasha’s cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “Especially when talking to women.” He sighs, “at that luncheon I kept quiet cause I was so nervous. But I didn’t realize I came off grumpy.”

“Grumpy... Tch, I could have ignored that until you decided to call me by another woman’s name. That made me feel so awkward, and I started to wonder if you had some girlfriend or something that made our lunch taboo.”

“Huh?! N-No!” Inuyasha waves his hand frantically, “that was all a big mistake! I got flustered and the name just popped out...”

“Then who is she?” Kagome leans in closer, more curious than ever as to who the mystery person was.

Both men pick up immediately at the disdain dripping in her tone. Her interest had quickly switched from the office to this woman. Miroku gives Inuyasha a knowing look of I told you so, to which the hanyo replies with a kick to the man’s shin under the table. But his friend was right about Kagome’s vested response of another possible woman in Inuyasha’s life. She didn’t like the idea.

“Kikyo is my ex-fiancé and you look a little bit like her. I apologize that in my frazzled state I mixed up your names. But you don’t need to worry about her, she’s long out of the picture.”

“Why would I be worried,” Kagome crosses her arms to cover up the goosebumps gleaned not from cold, but maybe excitement. Of course, she cared! She shouldn’t, but she did. It had been a long time since silly teenage emotions got the best of her, and yet here she was, suffering from it once again. “It’s not like we’re dating.”

The woman sitting beside him was practically bursting with unseen energy waves and her act of nonchalance just a facade. It gave his ego a boost to know Kagome was feeling something. How bout he entrench it further. “Right, not dating, of course, but regardless, she’s of no concern. Long over with, never want to see or deal with her ever again,” he shivers at the notion, “I’d rather erase those memories from my mind and replace them with new ones.” Thanks for that line Miroku. Inuyasha straightens out and sticks his hand out towards her as a gesture. “Lets just started over, huh?”

“Deal!” She shakes his hand. “By the way,” Kagome blushes, “thank you for the flowers.”

“Was nothing,” Inuyasha mumbles in embarrassment and a blush. “The florist told me it’s for forgiveness.”

Her eyes widen a tad at the knowledge he’d gone so far not to just pick a random flower she may or may not like, but one with a meaning behind it. So, his exterior facade really did hold a caring side beneath it. Kagome smiles, and sees the tension releasing from Inuyasha’s shoulders. “Well they are beautiful and it’s safe to say we... forgive each other?”

“Yeah,” Inuyasha smiles back. He finally felt all the weight lift. Now all he had to do was not screw up again. He glances at Miroku who takes the hint and leaves. “How about we try the lunch thing again right now since we’re already here?”

Kagome watches their co-worker walk away, and now alone with Inuyasha, the nervous energy sweeps back in. Her face of a lightly heated surface blooms a darker shade of pink. “I’d really like that...”

Outside of the restaurant, Miroku watches as Kagome scoots closer to Inuyasha and breathes a sigh of relief. “Crisis averted boss,” he calls Toga on the phone. “Your operation grand babies is back on track...”

[fatechica]

could you spare a crumb of be brave and kiss the girl?? we mere mortals are starved for content

Oh, I’ll give you more than a crumb, anon. Because all y’all have been waiting so patiently, here’s 2000 words from the next chapter!

(And, while I’m here, sorry for taking so long with this, everyone! I thought I was gonna be able to get it out last weekend, but my life refuses to calm down at all and I’m busier than ever, it feels. I’m still working on it and I’m somewhat optimistic that I’ll be able to get the next chapter out sometime within the next week, but I make no promises other than I’m still going to keep working on it.)

Hope this little snippet of Mileven being cuties as usual helps tide you guys over until I post the chapter!

----------------

El sleeps away most of the morning, only briefly waking once or twice, and the moments of consciousness don’t last long. Her phone buzzes a handful of times with text messages – most notably from Dustin and Jen, wondering where she is and, later, how she’s feeling once they find out she’s sick – but the morning goes by otherwise undisturbed.

El wakes up, actually wakes up, a little before noon with a dry mouth and dizzy head. She’s not hungry, but she knows she should probably eat something, and toast isn’t too far out of her ability right now. So El hobbles back downstairs, a few minutes later, re-enters her room with a small plate of toast and a glass of water, settling back into bed just in time to be there when her phone starts ringing.

Despite how crappy she feels, El smiles at the sight of Mike’s name flashing across the top of her phone’s screen. She grabs her phone and answers it as she leans back against the pillows, body feeling heavy with exhaustion. “Hi,” she says, voice croaking. She winces, cringing at just how gross it sounds. But she just can’t bring herself to care too much – she’s too tired.

“Wow, you sound horrible,” Mike’s voice sounds in her ear, soft and tender, the faint hint of an echo behind it.

El lets out a laugh, feeble and raspy. “Charmer. Bet you say that to all the girls.”

“Only you,” Mike says. He lets out a sigh. “How are you feeling? Dustin said you were sick. I wanted to call earlier, but I didn’t have a chance until now.” A low chuckle; El shivers at the sound of it. “I’m hiding in the bathroom so no one catches me calling.”

“I’m ok, I guess,” El says. “Feel like crap. Just wanna sleep all day.”

“So, I guess our ‘study session’ is cancelled for the day?” The words are light, but there’s a note of disappointment that El can’t help but hear, shallow and self-centered.

Her stomach sours at the sound of it, of that disappointment, robbing her of what little appetite she might have had. Sorry a cold’s getting in the way of making out, her mind whispers petulantly. El shakes herself free of the thought a split second later. It’s not like she isn’t disappointed, either. “Yeah, unless you want me falling asleep in the middle of it,” El says. Ooh, sleep… god, sleep sounds good and El knows she’s doing a horrible job at keeping the exhaustion out of her voice.

“Still, I miss you,” Mike says with a soft, wistful tone. “Trig isn’t the same without you and I’m scared to think of what US History is going to be like.”

“I miss you too,” El says, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I wish you were here.” And it’s true. For as shitty as she feels right now, the idea of having Mike with her, next to her, right now sounds just heavenly.

“I can come by after school, if you want,” Mike says eagerly, words leaping into her with a rapid clip, like his lips can barely keep up with the force of them. “Help you get better. Like, make you tea and stuff.”

“And stuff?” El quotes back, a breathless giggle in her voice.

“Yeah, like, whatever you do for people when they’re sick,” Mike clarifies. El can hear the smile in his voice and it makes her heart hurt imagining what he must look like right now, fingers itching to trace the curve of his lips before capturing that smile with her own lips.

“Ok, you can come over after school,” El says. “I’ll make sure the door’s open in case I’m sleeping.”

“Ms. Hopper, I’m shocked,” Mike says with totally faux dramatics. “Leaving your front door open where anyone could walk through it. What would your Chief of Police dad say?”

El snorts, wincing a little at the harsh rush of air through her nostrils and the back of her throat. “It’ll be fine. This is Hawkins.”

“You won’t say that when there are strange men coming into your house in the middle of the afternoon.”

“Are you calling yourself a strange man? Should I be alarmed?” El asks, smiling. Despite how crappy she feels physically, teasing and flirting with Mike like this always makes her feel at least a little like she’s basking in sunshine on a warm spring afternoon. And her heart just unfurls even more, like there’s no end to the depths of her feelings for him. It’d be scarier if it didn’t feel so fucking good.

“I was hoping more for excited, but if alarmed’s the best I’m going to get….” Mike trails off, giving El space to giggle, before he speaks once more. “But I’ll let you go. I need to go eat lunch, anyway, and you sound like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“After I eat my toast,” El says. “Then sleep.”

“I’ll see you later,” Mike says, voice soft with a wistful sigh.

“Ok, I–” The words get stuck in her throat and El doesn’t dare try to push them through. Not whens she’s so tired. Not when she’ll say something she might regret. “I’ll see you when you get here.”

“If you’re not asleep,” Mike says.

“You’re not exactly quiet, so I think I’ll be ok,” El says with a sleepy laugh.

Mike’s laugh echoes in her ear, and whether it’s triggered by what El said or El’s own laugh, she’s not sure. “Bye, El.”

“Mmm, bye Mike.” 

True to her words, after El hangs up the phone, she eats her toast, drinks some water, and promptly falls back asleep.

But, not true to her words, El’s still asleep when Mike eventually comes over after school. Partway through the afternoon, around 2 or so, El wakes up to make sure the door’s unlocked for Mike to come inside and she promises herself she’ll be awake when he comes over in a little more than an hour. Cross Country is over, so there’s no more practices after school, and it doesn’t take long to get to her house from campus (it’s Hawkins – it doesn’t take long to get anywhere).

So El doesn’t think it’ll be too hard to stay awake for when Mike gets there. Only, almost the moment she crawls back into bed, El falls asleep again.

As a result, she totally doesn’t hear the sound of the front door opening. Or the sound of her phone buzzing with an incoming text message or footsteps coming up the stairs.

And though she barely registers the sensation of her bed jostling and mattress dipping, it’s not enough to pull El from the illness-induced slumber that’s holding her in its clutches as tightly as it can.

It’s only the feel of a light touch trailing down her face – from her temple, across the apple of her cheek, ending at the edge of her jaw – that pulls her up into the land of consciousness.

El blinks blearily, vision foggy with sleep, and it takes a bit for the haziness to clear for her to recognize what, or who, she’s looking up at. “Mike?”

Mike’s smiling down at her, soft fondness in his gaze, and El’s heart feels full to the point of bursting. He’s here. “Hey, sleepy head. How’re you feeling?”

The question brings awareness back to how crappy she’s feeling. “Ugh, gross,” she says as she catalogs the way her throat feels scratchy and hear head feels like it’s been stuffed with cotton and her limbs feel like they’re going to fall through the mattress beneath her. On top of it, she’s sure she looks horrible – like she’s nowhere near the top of her game right now and, embarrassingly, Mike’s here to see it. “I probably look repulsive.”

“You’re sick,” Mike says as his hand trails back up her cheek, fingers catching the hair that’s fallen over her face to tuck it behind her ears. El shivers at the tenderness of his touch, a low murmur of pleasure emanating from her throat. “But you’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, no matter how sick you are.”

Oh. Oh. Her heartbeat trips over itself as it stutters and skips in her chest. Warmth, fierce and overwhelming, explodes in her veins like a supernova. The feelings that course through her are too much – way beyond too much – and El’s a breath away from drowning in them and never being able to find her way back out.

And it really, really isn’t fair that Mike’s looking so very handsome right now, on top of it – black swear with dark jeans, hair a bit windswept, smelling like clean laundry and a little bit like the outdoors– as he looks down at her with unbearable sweetness.

Honestly, how is she supposed to resist him?

“You’re such a flirt,” El says, deflecting, as she pulls herself up to a semi-sitting position, Mike mirroring her pose as they lean against her pillows.

“I learned from the best,” Mike says with a cheeky grin. His hand moves down from underneath her ear, touch trailing down her back as his fingers dance along the length of her spine. His gaze follows the same descent as his hand as it skims down her body, eyes lighting up. “So that’s where my t-shirt disappeared off to,” he says and the grin on his face turns wolfish and too please by half.

A flush creeps up her cheeks, partly from how Mike’s looking at her like he wants to devour her, and El finds herself with a teasing pout pulling at her lips. “I’m not giving it back, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Well, maybe if you wanted to give it back to me right this second,” Mike says as he waggles his eyebrows at her, hinting heavy-handedly. “But I like how you look in my clothes.”

A gasp bubbles up in her chest, shocked at just how forward Mike’s being. And El hates that she’s sick because she kind of really loves Mike like this – confident without being presumptive, sweet and hot at the same time – and how it makes her want to give him everything.

Well, this sucks.

“Ugh, I hate being sick because I really wanna kiss you right now,” El says and, this time, the pout on her face is all too real.

“That’s why you need to get better,” Mike says. “So you can kiss me for being so adorable.”

A raspy laugh escapes her and El shakes her head. “Yes, that is the only reason to get better, of course.” She scoots over to him, pleased to see him shifting to accommodate what’s about to happen. “But, in the meantime, cuddles will have to do,” El says as she latches onto him. Her arms wrap around his torso while she pillows her head against the top of his chest, and El lets out a contented moan as she feels Mike’s arm wrap around her. “Hmm, so warm,” she sighs as she burrows in deeper.

Mike’s laugh vibrates against her ear where it’s rumbling in his chest and El never wants him to be any further away from her than he is right now. “Oh, I see how this goes. You’re just using me for my warmth,” he says, teasing, but it’s undercut by a fondness in his voice that just makes El want to melt into a pile of goo.

“Warm snuggly boyfriends are the best boyfriends,” El murmurs as exhaustion begins to pull at her once more, lulled as she is by the gentle, seductive warmth of the boy she’s snuggled up against.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Mike says. El feels him shift against her and, a moment later, his lips press a whisper of a kiss to the skin of her forehead. “Get some sleep, El. I’ll be here.”

Already half asleep, El mumbles her response. “Kay, good.”

And, so, safe and warm, held tight in her boyfriend’s embrace, El lets exhaustion continue pulling her under until she falls completely and totally asleep.

[imagine-what-would-happen]

A Little Bit of Grey (Part 5 Kylo Ren Fanfiction)

Hey guys! Here is part 5! I try to update both stories every day but its been sort of a difficult time lately, I’m sorry for not updating yesterday! But I’ll be working to post a new chapter for “Since The Beginning” tonight! I hope you all enjoy! Again don’t hesitate to ask to be tagged in future instalments! Hope you all enjoy!

Warning: Mentions of blood and needles. Condescending tone against self injury. Statements of wanting to self harm/ self harming. Swearing.

Words: 1.9k+

Link to Part 4

Link to Part 6

Link to Masterlist

Tags: @dark-night-sky-99​

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Kylo pulled against his restraints, he didn’t understand what was happening, he didn’t know how he got here. All he knew was that he was tied up to a cold medical bed aboard the resistance’s ship; this was all he was focusing on at the moment; anything else was just too much at the moment.

“Oh sweetie, you’re just going to hurt yourself. You’re too pretty to get yourself hurt” Neira stated in a condescending tone. She walked around the room toying with the medical supplies. It was strange seeing a supposed member of the resistance being so cold. Usually, all of them that he encountered were so warm and bright... being on the light side and all. If Kylo had assessed her based on her personality he would have pinned her for a member of the First Order.

The skin around his wrists was starting to tear, blood pushing through the irritated area. Neira was playing around with a needle, tapping it to take out the air bubbles. “So what are you planning on doing with me? Huh? You the one person on the light side who can torture me for information? Or does the resistance still not work that way?” He questioned, his eyes squeezed shut through the pain.

Neira scoffed, “Oh sweetie if you want me to hurt you, all you have to do is ask.” She smirked and winked at Kylo. He felt disgusted. She looked like Andy, sounded like her, but... it definitely wasn’t her. This wasn’t the girl he was going to leave everything else he knew for.

“Lets just cut to the chase, shall we?” She dropped the needle onto the table and walked back over to the tied up Kylo. “You want to know what happened, how I know you, where your precious girlfriend is, although... can you really call her your girlfriend?” She shrugged sarcastically. “Eh, doesn’t really matter I guess.”

Kylo looked on at the woman before him, silent, sweat dripping down him. He did want to know what happened. His head was killing him with the questions racing through his mind, he needed to know.

“Alright well..” Neira pulled a rolling stool over. “I came aboard the Supremacy around - hmmm.. I would say a few weeks after Cammie’s training began. Yeah, it was about then.” She looked over to an obviously confused Kylo. “Oh right, the time that you knew her for... she didn’t have a name... didn’t know where she was from right?” She sighed, “I’ll get to that. All you have to know is that her real name is Cammila... everyone here knows her by Cammie. But anyway, I came aboard... You know you guys really should up your security, that was way too easy.” She laughed softly as if recalling an old memory but then rolled her eyes.

“I got a few of my friends to take Cammie and I took her place, got the hang of everything fairly quickly, you guys really do have fairly basic training. No wonder your guys suck at shooting.”

Kylo was more lost than ever, looking down. If Neira... If she came aboard the Supremacy only a few weeks into Andy- Cam- ugh... the girl... if Neira came aboard the ship then... everything on the Silencer was a lie. It meant nothing, and he looked like an idiot. No wonder it had seemed so easy with her, it wasn’t real. He felt a pit in his stomach growing, he felt he would fall into it, drown in its darkness as he did so long ago when joining the First Order.

“Why doesn’t she remember her name...” Kylo whispered, trying to hold the tear that would throw him over the edge, he wanted to push his wrist more into the restrains, that pain was a hundred times better than the realization coming over him.

“It’s a new idea the resistance came up with... Cammie was one of us, she volunteered for the experiment, she said she could do it. It was fairly easy finding something that would erase her memory completely.” Neira looked down at her hands, seemingly completely unfazed by the topic at hand.

“Is she not your sister?” Kylo spat, “Don’t you care that she doesn’t know who you are? Don’t you care what you put her through?” He studied her, how could two people, two siblings be so completely different. He thought back to his mother and uncle. Sure they were different, but not to this extent.

“Of course I care,” Neira met his eyes and stood, showing her dominance. “But, its the resistance that matters, everyone’s lives are at stake here and she's the one who volunteered to do it.” Neira turned around. “I tried to talk her out of it.” She whispered, putting a hand to her arm, seeming to try to comfort herself, then in an instant turned around, “You think you know her but you don’t! You don’t know anything about her. You don’t know what makes her scream awake at night. You don’t know what her dreams are... You. Do. Not. Know. Her.” She spat every word.

“The sister you knew is gone.” Kylo retorted, “You made sure of that”. He watched her, and suddenly realized how idiotic he was. In all his confusion and storm of emotions, he hadn’t even attempted at using the Force. He had tried severely to remind himself not to use the Force on... on the girl. The fact that Neira looks exactly like her must have kept his instincts in line. The one time he should have lost control. He groaned internally. Time to show what he was made of.

“Untie me.” He whispered the words while looking directly at Neira.

“What was that..?” She asked stepping closer.

“You will untie me,” Kylo demanded in a breathy but louder voice.

Neira sighed and rolled her eyes, obviously tired of Kylo. “Kylo Ren. You may have abilities in the Force, but one thing you forget is that those mind games... they work on the weak of mind.” She touched his cheek almost sweetly. “I am so much more than that.” She pulled away and walked towards the door, hips swaying. “Goodnight you discount Sith” She called back, and then she was gone.

Kylo laid his head back and grit his teeth. What were they planning on doing with him? He tried to stretch out the cramp he was getting in his neck. What were they doing to do to the girl? He refused to call her by her previous resistance name, that wasn’t her anymore. He wasn’t even sure if it was the truth, although it would make sense why they would erase her memory. If they knew about Kylo having Force abilities, which most everyone did, he could easily read her mind and know why she was there... they would have never gotten close.

The way he felt about the girl... was it still real even if her memory was wiped, completely becoming someone else...? Would he still have fallen for the person she was before? He wasn’t even sure at this point if she had ever showed any affection for him. He felt so empty, nothing mattered now... He just wanted to get back to the Supremacy and blow up these good for nothing criminals. He bit his lip fiercely, drawing blood, the same as the first time he saw the girl.

The way she moved that day... the rage and pure force. She wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done... except for when it came to killing someone. Was that a trait she had in her old self? He sighed and closed his eyes. It didn’t matter anymore.

The sound of something getting knocked over is what woke up the commander. He squinted, reaching to rub his eyes but then wincing at the still irritated wound and dried blood around his wrists. Fuck. He was here. It wasn’t a dream. He groaned, then letting out a breath of air he tried to look around again.

Through the bright white lights he saw a young girl at the medical station across from him. “Hold on.. I’ll be with you in just a second.” She mumbled and put some more instruments onto a trolley and began rolling it over closer to him. “Good morning Mister Ren.” She said quietly but professionally.

Kylo was quite confused. Why was such a young girl using medical equipment and why the hell did she call him mister Ren? “Uh.. Hi.” He said softly. “Who are you?” He questioned hesitantly.

“I’m your care taker...” She sat down on the rolling stool and searched for the items she needed.

“Okay, listen kid. I know you wanna play doctor but I’m actually hurt, you could cause more damage than good.” Kylo stated, he didn’t have time for this.

The girl wasn’t fazed by what he said. “First off, you can call me Doctor M. Second off, I’m the one who patches up the guys who you shoot at, and I’m the reason they get back on their feet.” She looked back up at an uneasy Kylo. “So what, kids on your planet can levitate rocks and mind control people but can’t put a bandaid on a cut? Get over yourself.”

Kylo seriously needed a reality check about the resistance. What happened to all the warm happy people? Everyone here was angry, sassy, and cold.

The girl began disinfecting Kylo’s wounds, and he couldn’t help wincing. He was so used to being spoiled by the medical facilities aboard the Supremacy, they would numb any wound before doing anything else to it. The girl chuckled softly, “You guys really are just stories aren’t you?” She looked up at him and then back down at her work.

“What do you mean?” He raised a brow.

“I mean, you guys fight with friggan lightsabers and blasters, constantly surviving battle after battle with each other and yet you’re in pain from a few cuts and bruises. I just find it funny.” She smiled. “It’s good to know the bad guys are human too.”

Kylo sighed, “You know we’re really not that bad.” The girl looked up at him with an are you kidding me look, “Okay...” He nodded at her. “I’m not that bad... hows that?” He tried.

“Well, the fact that the resistance hasn’t killed you yet, and the fact that you haven’t killed me yet would probably seem to make that statement true.” She stated matter of factly.

Kylo was more than taken aback. “Why would I kill you?” He looked down at the child.

“Maybe you’re having a bad day? Maybe you’re having a tantrum?” She shrugged. “You guys don’t ever have a real reason to kill anyone do you?” She looked up at him accusingly.

“Wha- yes we do.” He scoffed.

“Then how is it that the resistance doesn’t do that unless its in an actual battle and yet they’re still here?” The girl starred at him, he didn’t have a response. She was actually on to something, though he wouldn’t acknowledge it. “Thats what I thought” She sighed and stood up, pulling her trolley back to the station to dispose of everything.

She took a breath, leaning onto the counter with her hands stabilizing herself, “If everyone just sat down and talked everything out, maybe this war would be over even quicker than it started...” I don’t get what is so hard about it?

Kylo let out a soft sight, often enough he thought about the same. Things were far too complicated in this life.

[vicunaburger]

Admittedly, I’m Hard to See

Fandom: Beetlejuice the Musical Chapters: 7/? Pairing: Beetlejuice x OC (Holidae) The Players: Beetlejuice, Lydia Deetz, Holidae Bell Word Count: 1,490 Warnings: M for Language, a little more Violence in this chapter

Notes: DemonPower!Beej needs more attention, I think. Expect him to pop up more often.

Chapter 7: In Which Civility is Attempted

It had been days, and no sign of the resident spectre.

There was still tension between Lydia and Holidae over the whole debacle; spurring random bouts of shouting at one another over the smallest of issues. In all honesty, their anger at each other was beginning to wane, but the lack of Beetlejuice kept Lydia on edge. It was unusual of him to disappear for so long, and there was no sign of him even just… being in the house unseen.

The tension had boiled over at the week-since-the-incident mark, and Lydia decided she needed to get out of the house for a while. She took the car into town, claiming the need for more camera supplies, and left Holidae alone to stew in her own guilt for the afternoon.

Anxiety wormed it’s way into Holidae’s brain; a constant buzzing sensation running through her veins as she paced around the house, looking for any kind of distraction, however inane it might have been. At a loss, she wandered outside onto the garish patio, flopping into one of the lawn chairs set out beside a small table. Thankfully, it was overcast and a cool autumn breeze scattered fallen leaves around the deck. Perfect napping weather, if nothing else.

Holidae had just started to nod off when the chair suddenly dipped down, creaking as it tried to bear the extra weight. Blinking her eyes open, she was nose to nose with the missing ghost, his expression… unreadable from such a close distance. The only clue she had was the purple hue that covered his normally green locks.

“That’s my chair, breather.” Beetlejuice leaned closer, pressing his chest against hers.

Holidae was pinned down in the lawn chair, surprised when it didn’t break under the weight of two full-grown adults. Moving her legs subtly, she realized only half of his weight was balancing on top of her, the rest of him hovering just a few inches above her bottom half. She couldn’t tell if it was more or less intimidating to see him just floating above her.

She poked at his stomach, “Thank you for reminding me I’m an imposition to everyone in this house, but I can’t get up.”

Without a word, he took hold of her by the shoulders, lifting her out of the chair as though she weighed nothing. He carried her up to the top of the full-sized wall facade, keeping her suspended high above the ground. Holidae clutched at his arms for dear life, her nails digging into his sleeves.

“No no no… wait, don’t… don’t….” Holidae’s voice cracked.

“This is the right height to break someone’s neck, right? Or at he very least, break something. I could always just snap it and then drop you just to make sure.” Beetlejuice’s claws ripped into her shirt as he loosened his grip. “Ooooh babydoll it has been a long time since I ended a life. Kinda miss it, you know? Lyds doesn’t really want me to hurt anyone, but since she’s not entirely thrilled about you lately, she won’t mind.”

Holidae was grasping at him, trying to reach around his neck to support herself, “Beetlejuice, please don’t drop me. Just… can’t we just talk? Lydia… she told me everything!”

The ghost casually vanished out of her grip, reappearing on the edge of the wall connected to the decking. Holidae felt herself being suspended in mid-air, invisible hands supporting her as she was caught mid-fall. A wave of nausea made her stomach lurch as she glanced down at the ground below, a soft haze clouding the edges of her vision. One of the transparent limbs was wrapped around her throat, forcing her chin upward to look at him instead of her impending death.

“Everything?” He asked, crossing one leg over the other, “That’s a little vague, isn’t it? Better start clarifying or… I dunno, maybe I’ll just forget to keep you up. Sometimes my attention span isn’t the greatest.”

For emphasis, he snapped his fingers, and Holidae dropped a few inches before being lifted back up. Panting hard, she fought the urge to just faint right then and there, her blood pounding in her ears loud enough to muffle his voice.

It was like the carnival ride from hell.

“She… she told me about the Maitlands.” Holidae was sweating now, the cold air making her shiver. “About how she could see you, a-about her mother, the N-N-Neitherworld… and the marriage that was subsequently followed by your murder.”

Another snap of his fingers and Holidae was perched on the wall next to him. She clutched his arm for fear of falling, pulling it tight against her chest as though she could will him to stay put. The two of them sitting there would have almost painted a rather… romantic picture, if not for the fact he had already made a few attempts on her life in the last five minutes.

Beetlejuice was surprisingly quiet for a long time, absently scratching a spot in the middle of his chest, “...she didn’t have to tell you that.”

“Lyddy just started talking, and I listened.” Holidae could feel her heart rate returning to normal, looking up at him to notice he was still sporting his violet hue. “Speaking of which: please go talk to her when she gets back. She’s miserable and I can’t fix it, but I know you can. Just… anything. Talk about the weather. Or some cool bug you found. Anything.”

“I don’t want to talk to her. She can come talk to me.” His brow was furrowed in frustration, but his hand managed to find its way onto her thigh despite his mood. “Besides, I’m sure you two will patch things up and start gossiping about me during sleepovers or some shit.”

Holidae gave his shin a swift kick, “Asshole. No wonder you two are bestest best friends; you’re both too stubborn for any sane person to tolerate. Suck it up and go make her happy.”

With an annoyed grunt, Beetlejuice dragged the girl up onto his lap, dipping her upper half low as though they were dancing, “Stupid move, kicking someone who is literally holding your life in his hands. Got a death wish or something? Listen, I already went through this suicidal breather routine with Lyds, I really don’t have the capacity to care about anyone else’s problems.”

“Then stop talking about it and just fucking drop me, I’m tired.” She knew it was a risky move, but it he wanted her pulverized on the ground, he wouldn’t have let her keep talking.

At least, she hoped that was the case.

The ghost stared at her for a long time, as if he were trying to see something on her person that would be otherwise hidden from view. She started to blush; but she wasn’t sure if it was from the intense scrutiny, or the blood starting to rush to her head from the angle she was being held. One thing she did note was that his violet coloring was fading away into his normal neon green.

“Alright, alright… dumb humans and your sense of morality.” Beej rolled his eyes, transporting them back to the deck. “Ugh, it gets so old.”

Well, in actuality he was standing on solid ground, but Holidae was being held up in his grasp; just enough to have her feet dangling helplessly in the air. Even though he wasn’t that much taller than she was, it was still enough of a difference to thoroughly annoy the poor woman. To add insult to injury, he started to swing her back and forth like a pendulum, causing her to wrap arms around his neck in reflex.

Her stomach did a little flip; being in such close proximity was making her feel off. It wasn’t the musty smell that hovered around him, as she thought as first. No, that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. And neither was his appearance in general, the longer she stared at him. Even with mold growing in various spots. He was rather attact-

Bad thought train, she mentally scolded herself. Must exit.

“Can you please let me down now? I would really appreciate being able to experience gravity.” Holidae pouted, feeling her cheeks flush hot even though he was noticeably cold to the touch.

He shook his head, sticking out his striped, snake-like tongue, “Pfft, who needs gravity? You’re being held in the arms of the Neitherworld’s number one bachelor. Feel honored, Holly-Berry, do you know how many undead ladies and lads would love to fill those shoes of yours? So many.”

Holidae was about to make a retort, when a suspiciously loud clicking caught both of their attentions at the same time. Lydia was standing in the doorway to the house, camera in one hand as she waved around the newly printed polaroid in the other. Beetlejuice and Holidae glanced at each other, and then back at Lydia as she inspected the photo.

“Damn. That guy at the store lied to me.” Lydia frowned, lining up the picture next to her two still-frozen companions. “Can’t see ghosts with this film.”

Writing Tags: @mr-geuse @paxenera @leiasolo77 @go-commander-kim @ashemspirit

[apparentlynotreallyfinnish]

Mistakes Were Made

The first of those mistakes was probably writing this thing. It’s angsty as hell and somehow very wrong. I’d probably should advice you guys not to read it, but here it is anyway. 

I’ve been feeling like crap today so I channeled it into an angsty ficlet about Link trying to fuck Rhett out of his mind and Rhett intervening. (So, if you don’t like reading about the boys being with other people, you should probably skip this one.)

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Rhett barges into the room, banging the door open so hard it almost jumps out of its hinges.

“What the hell, man?! Occupied!”

The man who spoke is standing next to a king-sized bed that makes up most of the room’s décor. He’s not naked, but his sweatpants and underwear are pulled mid-thigh, and he’s rucked up his t-shirt into a fist around his chest. His other hand is gripping onto a slim waist of another man lying on the edge of the bed.

“Get the fuck out!” Rhett growls and takes a step towards the pair.

“Wait for your turn, asshole,” the guy spats at him and cants his hips to drive his dick deeper into the propped up ass of the man on the bed. He moans but doesn’t move. His head is turned away from the door, but Rhett would recognize the dark brown mess of hair in his sleep.

The rage that’s been coursing through his veins ever since he stepped into the house flares white-hot. Rhett straightens into his full length and glares at the guy with what must be murder in his eyes. The guy’s moving hips stutter and stop. He stares at Rhett, eyes blinking wildly. Rhett takes another step towards him.

“Now,” he says, voice even and dripping with unspoken promises of violence.

“Fine. Whatever. What is he? Your boyfriend or something?” the guy says with a sneer and pulls out, making the man on the bed mewl a low “No, please.”

Rhett turns his gaze away from them and fights a shudder and a wave of nausea.

“No, he’s my best friend,” Rhett mutters as the guy steps around him and out the open door. “At least, he was…”

Rhett closes the door after him and turns to look at the bed—and Link, who is still lying on it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Rhett says. His anger left him the moment they were left alone, and he sounds more like he’s begging.

Link finally stirs. His head turns slowly, and his gaze trains on Rhett for a beat before it wanders off again.

“What are you doing here?” Link asks, his words slightly slurred.

“I came to find you. To take you home.”

“Home?” Link asks with a hollow laugh.

“Yeah. Our place. You know, home,” Rhett repeats, wondering how drunk Link is.

“I don’t live with you anymore. Leave me alone.”

“Don’t do that. I—You know I never meant that… I was just surprised. ” Rhett fumbles as he tries to find the words to explain.

“Get out, Rhett. I’m doing just fine without you,” Link mutters.

“Fine? You’re doing fine?!” Rhett growls, feeling the anger slowly seeping back in. “You’re in a shady-ass orgy house, getting fucked by God knows how many guys and you think you’re fine?!”

Link laughs again—the sound is harsh and void of emotion, and it pierces through Rhett’s chest, shredding his already hurt heart into even smaller pieces.

Link lifts himself up and turns on his back. He’s naked apart from a blue bandana around his neck. As he folds his arms under his head, Rhett turns away. He refuses to look at Link exposed like that.

“It’s only been like four so far. I’m only getting started,” Link says with a self-satisfied drawl, blue eyes flashing towards Rhett in a challenge.

Rhett’s hands curl into fists so tight his nails dig into his palms and draw blood. He’s trying not to think about it—not to think about strangers filing into this room and touching Link, seeing him like this, fucking him. Rhett shakes his head and feels like he might throw up.

“What?” Link asks. “Don’t wanna hear about my gay shit? Does it make you uncomfortable? Oh, poor baby. Having to live with—“

“Shut up!” Rhett interrupts, eyes closed tight, trying to calm his quickened breathing. “Link, shut the fuck up!”

Link huffs and goes silent for a minute. Rhett’s breathing through his nose, trying to unclench his jaw.

“It’s not that… You got it all wrong,” he finally mutters. Link scoffs and sits up.

“Oh, yeah? So, you don’t think I’m a disgusting deviant?”

“No!” Rhett yells. He feels exhausted and emotionally raw. It’s been a long day—long week if he’s really thinking about it.

Link’s face falls. His knees come up, and he wraps his arms around them. “No?” he asks quietly.

“No, of course not. Why would you—? God! You’re so fucking clueless,” Rhett groans and sits on the edge of the bed. He leaves a gap between them and buries his face into his palms.

“Well… Fuck you,” Link snaps. “Tell me then. Explain. I told you everything and you just—”

“I know. I’m sorry. I panicked. I shouldn’t have— But couldn’t you have given me the benefit of the doubt? Or at least a little bit time to wrap my head around everything you said? We’ve been friends for fifteen freaking years!”

Link is silent. His chin is propped on his knee, and he stares at the bare wall across from them. Rhett can’t read his expression, Link’s gone inside his head. He does that sometimes. He decides how things are and won’t let go of his interpretation even when confronted with an overwhelming amount of evidence that he’s wrong.

“Can we—?“ Rhett starts, but the door opening interrupts him. Someone peeks in, making Rhett turn towards them and roar: “Get out!”

“Jesus. Chill out, man,” a voice calls out and closes the door with a thud.

Rhett takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again. “Put your clothes on. We’re leaving.”

“What if I don’t want to leave,” Link says, sounding annoyed. “You’re not my guardian. You’re not my b—”

“No, Link. I’m not your boyfriend. But I do love you, and I’m not gonna have this conversation on a bed where— Ugh, on this bed,” Rhett mutters, gets up, and walks to the door.

“Rhett…”

Rhett stands at the door, holding the doorknob, back turned towards Link. His shoulders slump. Suddenly, he’s just tired—exhausted by the sheer amount of thoughts and emotions filling his mind. It’s too much.

“If you want to stay… I—“ Rhett starts and pauses when his voice cracks. He swallows around the lump in his throat, fighting the tears that keep prickling his eyes. “You’re right. I can’t make you. But I’m asking. Please come home with me.”

“With you? Or with you?” Link asks — pleads — and the difference between the two choices is clear. Rhett heart breaks all over again when he opens his mouth and says: “I can’t—“

Link doesn’t let him finish the sentence.  “Fine. Go. Just go,” he orders, voice tight.

And Rhett goes. He opens the door and walks through the hallway. Ignores the sounds—sighs and moans and groans—coming from other rooms. Ignores the ache in his chest. Ignores the ever-present nausea. Ignores the tremble of his hands. Tries so fucking hard to ignore the images that are crowding his brain—images of Link pliable and slicked up, opened up by stranger’s fingers and cocks. Tries even harder to ignore the fact that he’s hard as a rock and aching to turn back and fuck Link into that dirty mattress he’d found him on.

He’s out of the house, standing on the porch, staring at the sky that’s opened up while he was inside. Rain hammers the streets, and Rhett feels it in his bones—the cold, damp chill of the late Autumn weather. He draws a deep breath, fills his lungs with the air that smells like decaying leaves and fresh rain on the pavement. He remembers another day like this. It was years ago, but the memory is still as fresh as the autumn rain.

A moment, under the tree, trying to get cover from the rain. Link’s hair mussed and dripping wet. His eyes bright blue and enticing. The curve of his lips and the way it was calling for Rhett to trace it with the tip of his finger. A shy look from under his eyes. A laugh that made Rhett’s stomach coil with tight heat.   

And suddenly, it clicks. A piece of a puzzle in his mind finally settles into its place. Rhett’s heart misses a beat. How have I been so stupid?

Rhett turns on his heels and heads back in, walks briskly through the hallway, pushing someone out of his way, getting an annoyed string of curses thrown after him. He barely registers the words. 

Link jumps when Rhett slams the door open. He drops the shirt he’s holding. He already has pants and socks on.

“Rhett—“

Rhett never finds out what Link’s about to say. He presses Link against the peeling wallpaper and kisses him silent. Crushes their lips together and licks into Link’s peppermint-tasting mouth. Jams Link between the wall and his body, grinding against him—making sure that Link feels the hardness in his pants. Link moans into his mouth and wraps around him. He’s a shivering mess of wandering hands and twisting tongue and his leg crooks around Rhett’s thigh, pulling them closer together.

After an eternity, Rhett pulls his head back, ignores Link’s soft whimper, and presses his forehead against Link’s.

“I’m not gonna fuck you on that bed.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to—“ Link rushes to say.

“But I will fuck you on mine. Come home.”

Soon, they’re running hand in hand through the rain towards their dorm.