#sets of issues to me and theyre doing just fine so it rly is a me problem. i have this realisation every couple weeks and then i continue

[phagodyke]

feeling better this morning not in a sense that the issue has gone away but I'm deciding not to focus on the shit that's out of my control and problem solve for the shit that's within my control. even if it sucks and its hard I can't live my life feeling like this so often man

[rosykims]

how do you come up with your character backstories? they're all so detailed and well thought out and you always seem to have an abundance of fun and interesting trivia for all your characters as well. would you be willing to give tips to someone who has a hard time coming up with anything beyond like. the basics lol 😔👉👈

WAH THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS 🥺 i always feel a little embarrassed talking abt my ocs because i tend to start and never stop lol, and theyre all very special to me so its a sort of vulnerable extension of myself in a way. even if im only sharing with them with the lovely ppl who live in my phone its always a little stressful, so i really appreciate that they left a good impression!!

as for tips, i just wanna say as a disclaimer that i am very chronically online. ive also had multiple periods of extended free time in which ive been able to really hyperfocus on certain media and the characters i want to create within them. ALSO, a lot of my ocs ive had in development for several years and theyve just evolved naturally. ashara, for example, i made when i was 19, and im 26 now lol. ik this is cliche to hear, but i rly do think its important to go at your own pace when developing characters and do whatever makes YOU happy, before looking to anybody elses ocs , because we all have different lifestyles and creative processes and whatnot ❤️

that being said, i can def share a few things that helped me! firstly, i always start developing characters based solely on vibes and sensory stimuli, so i'd highly recommend making a pinterest moodboard for them and/or a music playlist! pinterest esp, since its such a great way to start brainstorming and getting a visual idea of what you want your character to look like/embody/represent. its a great place for inspiration in general.

secondly, one of the most important steps in developing any character is motivation. what does your oc WANT? why? what would they do to get it? should they get it? would would happen if they got it vs if they didnt? do they ACTUALLY want it or just think they do? answer those questions and you've already got a pretty solid foundation to work with. another really useful piece of advice a friend gave me several years ago was this: "what is something your character believes in at the start of their journey, that they no longer believe by the end of it?" for example, my warden oc elspeth believes in traditional heroics and black-and-white morality. by the end of dao she does not. theres a LOT to explore between point A and point B.

lastly, when i make ocs its very important to me personally that they feel inextricably TIED to the media they belong to. this is completely optional ofc, bc lots of people enjoy characters they can drag and drop into different stories, which is fine! for me though, i like taking cues from the world around them. it makes them feel natural to the plot, the setting, the canon characters, etc, because it helps me pin down some of their more hyperspecific quirks. there are a few ways to go about this.

the easiest way imo is to look at any major Core Issues within whatever media you're working with. like real life, people have OPINIONS about ISSUES and POLITICS lol, and those opinions are usually influenced by their own lived experience or personal belief system. so if you can identify a few key figures, factions or events in your story, and give your character an Opinion or Reaction to those things, it can pretty naturally be evolved into a unique and interesting backstory. to use elspeth as an example again: "elspeth dislikes orlais". thats a political opinion about a faction. and then to expand on why? "because her family/country fought in the occupation and she loves her family/country". from there we learn she's nationalistic and places value of lineage. then you could say — "she enjoys history and geography because it allows her to better appreciate her country. she cares deeply about all ferelden peoples, and has studied techniques from avaar and chasind communities". and you can keep branching out and expanding from there. and once you've exhausted that thread, move on to a diff one! "elspeth is nervous around mages". why? "because her religion tells her to and shes never thought to question it." why? etc etc etc.

alternatively, i find it really helpful to find an overlining theme in the type of media im working with/creating. sometimes its easy (baldurs gate 3 has a confirmed theme of autonomy vs authority, da4 will have a confirmed theme of regret, etc) but if its not as clear cut or your designing your own original world, its fine and great to take your own creative interpretation of things and run with it. for example, origins for me is very reminiscent of loss of innocence and war. inquisition is, to me, about personhood and losing it to your own mythology. once you've got a theme it can really help help translate into a cohesive story you want to tell and a character you want as an outlet. and since the character will be thematiclly relevant, you might also find it easier for them to connect to the cast/setting/story etc.

sorry this is so long, but i hope you gained something out of all this word salad lmao. one more thing i want to mention — its also fine to NOT do any of this. sometimes i get overwhelmed feeling like i have to come up with a unique/multi-faceted character every time i go into characterization, and virtually 100% of the time its Never that deep. if you find yourself getting stressed or overwhelmed, remind yourself that its perfectly fine to dream up a simple and straightforward character who makes you happy, and let the rest come to you as your character goes forth into the story. sometimes simplicity is best because you arent held down by the restrictions you've placed on them yet.

sending love, i hope this helped !!!!!! if you have any more questions or just want to chat, feel free to send another ask or slide into my dms ! ❤️❤️❤️

[domjaehyun]

Big questions here. You don't have to answer them but if you do thanks I'm just curious as a writer myself. Do you edit the grammar and spelling of your writings during the writing process or afterwards? And do you use a specific website e.g. Grammarly to help with any corrections you've missed? Do you write up your writings in tumblr drafts, word, or something like that? And when you have new ideas for writings do you note them down, start up a quick draft or how do you remember new ideas?

omg no you’re totally fine i actually. really genuinely love being asked about my writing process and habits it’s so fun to me !!!! okay i feel chatty so this got rly long apologies 😭😭😭 i tried to bold keywords from your questions so you could pick out my answers more easily :D

ngl my grammar and spelling is like. pretty damn good like any mistakes i ever catch in my stories are never genuine spelling errors theyre literally just typos 😭 and as for grammar, the grammar issues i ever ever find are birthed from like. inconsistency w the preexisting sentence structure djfjsjfj bc i always always always reread and edit while i’m writing especially when i’m starting out w the fic, but the longer it gets, the more exhausting it becomes to reread the whole thing sjfkdkdkd

also sometimes i’ll stop writing a fic mid sentence that’s semi-long and when i come back, i just pick up from where i left off without. rereading the sentence 😖😖😖 whenever i reread my like published works and catch mistakes just know i thought about putting my head directly through a wall 😭😭😭

so!! i do edit it obsessively during, i proofread it after i’m done (even though i’m usually exhausted and honestly sick of the story at that point) and then i send it to a friend or multiple friends so they can beta it for me, then i make any changes as i see fit, proofread it on my own AGAIN usually very lazily, then i’m like “i cant bear to look at you anymore” and i just post it sjjjdkddj

i don’t use any sort of online tools to “help” me write apart from google docs and the built in suggestion feature they have! i hate grammarly, actually skfjskdkd it doesn’t know half as much as it thinks it does and its software fucked up so often when i used it that i was just like. “what the fuck are you talking about.” also, i think that in very specific occasions, general sentence rules can be slightly subverted in order to achieve some sort of goal, and i enjoy doing that from time to time, so it got annoying when grammarly was like being dumb or that hemingway website said shit like “this sentence is rly long and complex” like….yeah. i know. i did that on purpose.

i will never in my life trust tumblr to host any drafts of my work. never. ever. ….ever. i either make a google docs draft or a notes draft for like. actual longer ideas like scenes and more plotting and stuff!! if it’s a small little idea and i have a bunch for some reason, occasionally i’ll write the ideas down physically either onto paper or w my apple pencil onto my note taking app on my ipad sjfjskkd !!

but yeah tbh i was just talking to nova abt this the other day bc we were talking abt wips and our storage of them and. when i was trying to count how many wips i even have, i had to search in like. 3 different apps (technically 4 but that’s bc i already have lists on here in my drafts that i have elsewhere but it’s easier to find them here shfjsj) in different documents until i rounded up all the lil ideas like stray sheep 😭😭😭 so hopefully soon i can set aside time to sit down and compile every single wip, at least the idea and where i have more info stored, into one single google doc for my convenience !!!!

BUT YEAH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE QUESTIONS LIKE THESE 🥺🥺🥺 if you or anyone else has any more writing process questions, totally feel free to ask!!!!

[smalltragedy]

* ryan destiny, cis woman + she/her | you know kira blake, right? they’re twenty four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ever? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to babooshka by kate bush like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole lazily stretched out in a ray of light, daisy shaped irises and daisy chain braids, performing an intricate dance to move the ocean's waves thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 22, est, they/them )

hllo ive hd kira in my head fr a bit bt i also know ntohing abt her! this is me winging it even though i hv no right to <3 this is my third character maybe whose birthday is in honor of ella n coincidentally 2/3 of them r in this rp. yea im messy smirks sexily.

DEATH, GRIEF, DRUGS TW

mini playlist.

wuthering heights ;; kate bush / babooskha ;; kate bush / dreams ;; fleetwood mac / california dreamin’ ;; the mamas & the papas / lavender moon ;; haroula rose / time of the season ;; the zombies / after the storm ;; kali uchis / left hand free ;; alt-j / always forever ;; cults / wait a minute! ;; willow / your dog ;; soccer mommy.

statistics.

full name: kira blake

nickname(s): keely.

birthday: october 31st, 1996.

zodiac: scorpio sun, cancer moon, aquarius ascending. 

mbti & temperament: esfp & catalyst / sanguine. 

label: the ebullient.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

born to two original hippies which hs pretty much set up who kira is fr the rest of her life <3 the type of ppl who didnt like the boundaries of marriage n held off frm it fr as long as possible until theyd hd a spur of the moment elopement involving a celebrity impersonator at fannie’s <3 yea theyre lesbians lets go <3

nvr rly took things srsly until kira ws like 5 yrs old n then they were like ah gee ah fuck we probably shld probably settle settle. n they job hopped n worked many odd jobs until they found their footing in careers they liked n one of them probably does like. blown glass art. n the other prob fixes old computers n other ~vintage~ mementos of the past fr ppl.

they make a decent living n they live in delpinius heights n they try a few times fr another kid bt it nvr rly works out (raises an eyebrow. adopted siblings anyone?) n fr the most part kira as a child spends her time running around town and tugging on the hem of other’s shirts to ask them small favors (mostly to play a game with her)

often left unsupervised as a kid, bt not in the way tht her parents dnt care (bc her parents love her a lot a lot a lot like she is their world) bt in the way tht they simply raised her the way they were raised. running amuck all day n coming home jst in time fr dinner, front porch light always on, cat always waiting faithfully on their stoop.

pretty evident frm a young age tht kira’s mind saw things differently, in a different light - the world an array of light n mystery n sound n taste n sometimes those collided n created new experiences. prob hs some form of synsthesia bt dnt ask me which one yet. she’s a painting prodigy with an excellent understanding of color theory.

always ws known as a kind of like. rambunctious kid. a well meaning class clown who cld nt keep her mouth shut fr the life of her. grew up constantly with a yellow card beneath her name in school bt ws always well liked by her teachers n classmates alike.

jst a very bright child who did well naturally bt always ws turned more towards art.

feel like her parents very noticeably turned a cheek when she started smoking weed w the cool older kids when she ws 13. the type of person who wnts 2 b liked so bad she’d jump over a hurdle fr it. hs jumped over many hurdles n many fences n many other obstacles to be liked bt does it without breaking a sweat.

(edit: nw tht i think abt it hwevr i dnt think she does tht anymore i think while a bit of a mess atm she. likes herself. n doesnt rly want or need the approval of others anymore she jst does her own little thing. bt when she ws younger? she jst wnted 2 b friends w the entire world.)

nothing bad rly happened fr like. a good bit of her life. got into psychedelics at some point in high school n tht only heightened her artistic abilities. most of her high school art portfolio ws probably done while high bt <3 does it matter.

hd a high school sweetheart n they were pretty serious like. full on in love. a total believer of soulmates kira ws jst like. this is the one. there is nobody else i cn imagine my life with.

death tw

death tw

death tw.

death n grief tw // yea. sometime during their freshmen year of college. car incident. kira ws nvr the same though she’d like to pretend tht nothing’d ever happened. like theyd nvr existed. like she didnt plan out their entire lives together hiking thru hills n valleys n boating across various bodies of water n traveling together until they were old n wrinkly. end of death tw //

cld nt explain 2 u why kira hd bought a van n completely demolished it only to drain all of her savings remodeling it bt nw she lives in it by the beach. hd dreams of travelling the world bt cannot go long distances in a car without feeling sick. sees planes n feels envy. stopped painting fr a long time bt she’s started back up recently. took on surfing. told her parents tht it ws fine n tht she ws fine n theyre concerned bt shes always by the beach, her van rarely leaves. she’s trying her best bt its only been a few yrs n i think ppl cn sense tht shes jst nt the same cheerful girl as they once knew. end of grief tw //

anyways. tugs on my collar. tht’s kira! she lives on the beach n surfs everyday n is obsessed with daisies n is prob growing her own shrooms somewhere. 

personality & facts.

always been very emotional n a little dramatic. nt a drama queen bt is a little messy n does not hv like. many rational thoughts up in there. very cup full or cup empty.

regardless though she hs an. overall reputation fr jst being. enjoyable to be around. her her little moments bt shes also pretty like. laidback. in a way. KDSHFSDLKHGHFLKSD

prob bc she smokes a lot or is often <3 on a trip if u know wht i mean <3

god. got obsessed with the 60s n 70s aesthetic at some point n hs not gone back evr. big fan of psychedelic rock. is a prodigy painter bt her life dream outside of traveling ws always to own her own record label. hs nt happened yet, maybe will never happen? works at a record shop though n does hide the good vinyls tht she wants away frm the customers.

very cheerful n usually uplifting n she doesnt like to b negative around others bt smtms she cnt control it n smtms thinks tht ppl r out 2 get her jst out of. anxiety. hs long bouts where she’ll sit in a still sort of sadness n then shake out of it n hop back into conversation like nothing’s happened bt. its fine we’re fine kira is fine.

shes not gullible or naive bt wants to believe tht everybody hs a heart of gold even if its false. keeps giving ppl second chances bc she hs a savior complex n thinks she cn change ppl.

is very into zodiac n will judge u by ur chart. knows everybody in town’s natal chart. even newcomers. it’s a little scary hw quick she finds this information bt its very important to her.

kind of like. into spirituality bt i wont lie its very surface level n a little superficial. learning tarot cards bt cannot fr the life of her memorize the meanings so smtms she jst makes up things on the spot. hs so many crystals she will not stop buying them.

i think a part of her is desperately trying to cling onto tht like. think positive. self care. msg thts super prevalent online without addressing or actually helping any of her problems. it is her flaw </3

hates to admit when she needs help. wld rather do everything herself.

head is a little in the clouds n her parents r a little concerned fr her bc shes nt rly doing much rn bt like. she jst needs time i think. shes jst doing her little thing.

does not give up on ppl easily she absolutely hates dropping ppl frm her life even if she grows 2 resent them over time which is bad bc she is bad at hiding when she is upset at someone or when she doesnt like someone.

like shes jst passive aggressive abt it n does not properly communicate <3

bt this is rare i think ... negative feelings abt other ppl

self centered bt not selfish if tht makes sense. she will do things fr others without a problem n sometimes trips over herself 2 do it bt at the end of the day i think she cares abt herself the most.

hs only been in love once bt hs hd many infatuations n many like. admirations n very surface level feelings. her body is a temple n she loves 2 b worshipped.

prob does fkn. beach yoga. probably vegan bt also maybe breaks tht every once in a while. almost noncommittal its hard 2 distinguish between her being carefree, not taking care of herself, or jst hving commitment issues? flaky or not? who knows.

feels jst a bit too strongly bt tries to contain it. jst full of multitudes or smth. idk. icon <3

like. cares bt doesnt care. does thinks tht r purposely self destructive n then acts like shes like. cool girl monologue frm gone girl. bt does it while being like peace n luv on earth x

ok thts all i hv goodbye

wanted plots.

a pseudonym 2 fool ‘em... ;; jst hd this idea pop up bt i like the idea of kira going undercover 2 expose cheaters. whether she does this on her own accord or is personally requested by smbdy is up in the air. a plottable point. she h8s cheaters n is chaotic good she prob thinks shes the relationship vigilante testing the strengths of other’s relationships. once again she cld b. specifically going undercover fr smbdy 2 help them out. im sure she wldnt go 2 very. extensive srs measures like actually. sleeping w the assumed-cheaters bt once again. world is our oyster n i lov drama?

crystal visions ... ;; once again. shes super into crystals n astrology n she will base sm of her opinions of others on it. this is nt just abt her being judgmental of others bt also jst. catching her running around in the rain trying sooo hard 2 fkn. charge her crystals in the rainwater bc she forgot 2 charge them under the full moon the night b4. this is her giving wrong tarot readings. she hs no idea wht shes doing at any given time bt acts like she does know. acts like she knows the entire world. she gives crystals as gifts n will do ur natal chart for u bt will also pack her things n leave if ur a capricorn.

time of the season... ;; i dnt knw admittedly. this song’s abt being horny so perhaps? perhaps. kira isnt rly able to keep a grasp on long term relationships rn due to. factors in her life so she hops frm person 2 person often. smtms jst flings smtms its jst a relationship accidentally led on. shes noncommittal n a little flaky atm when she’s usually ride or die fr others. perhaps this is all in the name of some good fun! world? oyster. 

literally anything .dsfskhdkgs ;; god. shes so new i jst dnt know. childhood friends. current friends. friends shes hd frever. enemies n ex lovers n ppl shes constantly pushing away or scorned lovers or both or anything?? she pushed them out of the roller rink to make more room fr herself or maybe they did tht to her. perhaps theyre both constantly pursuing some sort of fkn. meaning in their lives tht they cnt quite grasp. mayb they go on an acid trip together. who knows. 

[misterbitches]

Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

[autisticstarseed]

👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable. 

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing 

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible. 

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good 

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home. 

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you. 

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands. 

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case. 

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

[losangelesvalorant]

final thoughts on games today:

Tl;dr: london is going to have Issues with a capital I, paris is fine and will be better w hanbin, boston were okay and them losing just solidifies how fucking scary and well-oiled nyxl is rather than boston being terrible. Titans, like usual, have no respect for their opponents and could be even scarier /if/ they wanted to be, valiant pops off sometimes but cant do it consistently, shock looks rusty and dallas needs to pocket decay even harder than they already are to win games.

london: i see a lot of potential in them, but until they gain confidence they’re c tier for me. They seem overcoached and lost when they aren’t unable to go through with their set plays, of which they way too many for each map. When they were able to play their game, they cycled their ults well, but were easily forced out of their comfort zone. Bernar tried his best to carry, but jmac looked lost and wasn’t able to bait nicodgh’s walls at all, that might be a problem w coordination w sanguinar for speedboost tho. babel wasn’t quick enough to get his walls out in time, though they were great when he did. Glister and highly tried their best, sanguinar seems to play very individualistically which gave london chances, but fdgod just outplayed him mostly. Once teams figure out how to play vs them they’re fucked unless the coaches move away from set plays and unless the team builds more confidence. This team is going to suffer with hero pools if they don’t fix something quick. London honestly and truly has a TON of potential, but not the coordination or confidence or coaching to utilize it.

paris: they’re gonna be scary as they get more coordinated! Can’t wait til they can run at full strength w better tanks. They made good adaptations and looked good doing it. Nicodgh’s walls were sick, nosmite looked great, fdgod is a fragger, xzi clicked heads and greyy and hyp did good too. Benbest i didnt watch. I really like what i see with this team, but we haven’t seen them at full strength so i dont feel like i have much to say about them. Definitely a dark horse for me. They should thrive with hero pools. 

nyxl: nyxl looks as dominant as ever. They’re coordinated, smart, aware, turn impossible situations around, and quickly shut down every win condition boston had before they could even execute it. Though whoru’s mei is def the weak link for me (his walls kinda suck. I think theyre just giving him stage experience here tbh. His genji slaps tho), him and sbb/nenne are a scary duo, everything that can be said abt jjonak and anamo has been said already (They are the best. They are the best. They are the best.), and mano and hotba are both doing excellently. I dont feel that this is their optimal meta, but nyxl has showed a lot of willingness to adapt to their opponents and make swaps, which i like. I’m not worried for them in hero pools, though they might stumble a bit. They’re solidly in S tier for me now

boston: This is gonna be controversial (and take this w a grain of salt cuz im plat.) but boston played better than i expected cuz im a pessimist and was expecting them to get completely rolled, and they at least showed some signs of life. They’ve clearly scrimmed a lot of different comps and looked at least vaguely competent in them, which is more than dallas valiant and london can say. They tried to go for a lot of clutches which never rly worked. they tried to adapt, but nyxl outmatched them and kinda drove them away. Axxiom and fusions were coordinated and i liked their dive, their double shield not so much. boston dps were holding their own, swimmer and myunbong were too, there’s not rly a carry on this team. axxiom i think is being slept on tho. They could definitely kite better and coordinate more, and make faster/smarter swaps, but they at least looked pretty synergized. They were clearly outmatched but they def looked better throughout the whole series than london did vs nyxl after the first 2 maps. Boston seems like a B- tier team to me, but they could be better and i do want to see them play more before im certain abt this. I’d call this a quality loss despite the scoreline

vancouver: Titans clearly didn’t prep much for this match and didn’t respect valiant as much as they should have. There’s no weak points on this team, just that all of them went for clutches they shouldn’t have and got punished for it bc they assumed valiant would be weaker than they were. Titans hate being methodical but are great when they are. When they subbed stitch in, they went for more dumb plays it seemed like, so i bet sms is the one keeping them chill. Fissure’s playing bumper style (taking space and dying for it) but quieter, which I like, bc it means they can pocket haksal harder and let twilight go for more plays. Good adaptations, great plays, great synergy, once titans got their feet under them and downloaded valiant it was over. Their dive was soooo clean. Nothing to be said about this roster that hasnt been said already (theyre the best). This is classic titans and im glad to see losing bumper hasnt completely stopped them from doing dumb shit, cuz even if it hurts me to watch its fun. They should be absolutely fine with hero pools, S tier.

valiant: Valiant only have one comp and theyre Very good at it, especially in the mirror, but theyre having trouble adapting to titans. They have very high highs and very low lows, they also try to clutch sometimes and fuck up. When the team pops off theyre sick, when they dont they… dont. Gig is a madlad. I do like that they prepped for the titan’s bap strat on lijiang and shut it down entirely, that was very good coaching, but they weren’t able to adapt to non-mirror matches after that. They might get fucked by hero pools bc they didn’t show anything successfully other than rein/dva variations, but we’ll see. I'm finding them fun to watch and I'm interested to see if they can consistently maintain their peak play. B tier, i think their weaknesses are more exploitable than boston’s but that boston would lose to them. Id compare them to hunters last year but if hunters played meta

shock: I didnt watch this match super close tbh. Shock looks strong as usual, but they stumbled far too much for my liking when they let doha and decay get value but otherwise incredibly dominant. Architect’s ana got sooooo much value as the series went on, beautiful sleeps beautiful nades beautiful nanos etc *chefs kiss.* i dont think shock prepped super hard for them, and they rly couldve adapted better on horizon and won that map, but it was overall dominant. They seemed pretty rusty honestly but theyre still good, but they should be pissed they got fullheld on horizon. I’m not going to draw any conclusions from this game when it comes to shock bc its one game and its their first game back. S tier, they’ll be fine with hero pools.

Dallas: Dallas looked way better than yesterday, when decay and doha were unleashed and it was less about taking space they were monsters. Tank play was better but not great, glad theyre not making note play rein anymore. Decay is a god and doha played around him really well and his walls were sick. When decay couldn’t play mccree and couldnt get support, there was nothing dallas could do. Gamsu… seemed a bit tilted and used ults he shouldnt have. There were also communication issues, it didnt seem like trill called some of his shatters which meant the team couldnt follow up. They weren’t able to adapt that well without set strats, and other teams will use that to their advantage. Once a team figures out how to shut down doha and decay the game is over. C tier, will struggle in hero pools

right now rankings for me go titans, nyxl shock in S tier, glads in A tier, toronto, paris, valiant, boston in B tier, dallas, london in C tier

[kendricksendrick]

Hi so im in a deferred drug diversion program through my school for something that happened back in january and i rly just need to use this space as a diary for a few hot seconds and tell it how it is/tell my thoughts ig.

Basically in january my roommate and i were smoking weed out our dorm window (i know stupid move but listen) it was during interim (3 weeks where we take 1 or 2 classes) and my hall was p much EMPTY like nobody was there except one other friend. Basically we’d get all our hw done by like 3, nap, eat dinner, shower, smoke, and go to bed at like 8pm out of literal boredom. One night after were done w the ritual just eating chips or somrth there was a knock on the door and it was campus police and blablabla searched the room, had to do the walk of shame in shorts and my winter coat all the way around the building to the dumpster (it was cold as fuck im in wisco) and long story short they told us wed be in the drug diversion program (ddp for short) to get the charge off our record.

Beginning of 2nd semester sometime in early feb we had a meeting w some hall director to explain what happened basically, then had to do the online aoda2 program and 1.5hrs of counseling where we had to again explain everything and why we were doing what we did (extreme boredom (were also stoners but besides the fact)). Anyways theyre like yeah your ddp letter and info shouldcome in about a month.

Letter gets to us beginning of march and said we had 30days to pay the $200 program fee or set up a court date. No way was i finna go to court so im like sheet gotta get this bread somehow. Then bam, corona hits and my school tells us we have 2days to leave campus and they dont know when were coming back, u know that drill. So we call the district attorney (da) and are like hi were being sent home and were supposed to pay this fee like tomorrow what do we do? They said don’t worry about it theyll be in contact w us, just to go home etc.

I go home and forget about the ddp until one day end of april they mail me THE EXACT SAME LETTER (SAME MARCH 30th payment deadline, timestamped early march and all) like the same letter to a T that they sent us earlier in the yr. so i call them and am like ok whats up w this its the same thing?? The lady was like just send us your money for the program and we’ll figure it out in the fall and we’ll be in touch.

Fast forward through the whole summer (where j may kr may not have smoked every day out of boredom and sadness bc hello corona) and i move back to school in September and am minding my damn business going about my life when j get a letter saying i missed a piss test in September. Im like the fuck? They didnt tell me it started (otherwise i wouldve quit smoking in idk august) so i call and im like hi you didnt tell me this started and the lady was like well it was implied that youd start when you get bacj to campus and i was like but you didnt follow up like you said and she was like yea sry just start going in for them now its fine.

So now winter break is coming up right, and its like 2months long at my school and i live far away and dont have a car to skedaddle up here on no notice for piss tests that my parents know nothing about so i called them today and explained the situation. Basically what theyre doing is freezing my status in the program from dec 18-jan 29th while im home on break so i want have to do ua’s or anything but when i come back for second semester end of January i have to pick up where i left off (which is one clean piss test on nov 24, the day i left for thxgiving break btw lmao cause i didnt quit till i got the letter saying i had missed a ua in early october)

Basically w the ddp you have a year to have 6consecutive months of clean ua’s and wipe your record, which wouldnt be a problem, but i have a few issues with it.

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[funkyfatbabe]

i really wanted to do this makeup questionnaire!! you could say i was tagged by @cacupid (but not really dshjka) so here i am 🥰🥰🥰

What foundation/concealer do you use? 

currently i dont use a concealer bc i havent found one i like and i feel like concealer generally looks a bit cakey on me since i like light coverage, but i use the Too Faced Born this Way Foundation in the shades snow and cloud (mixed together) although i’m thinking of looking into the new Fenty Pro Filt’r Hydrating Longwear Foundation since I know they have my shade (tried the matte formula) and I would rather support Fenty than Too Faced! Not gonna try it till ive used up all of my BTW though 🥰

What do you think of fake eyelashes?

i think they can look super pretty! but i also dont like using them myself bc i have deepset eyes and they generally cover all my eyeshadow ! i will use them if im doing a campy / editorial sort of look but im so bad at applying them its barely worth it sometimes fhadsjfak 

What makeup tools do you use in makeup application?

I use mainly a brush set i got from BH cosmetics which are great quality as well as some Ecotools brushes i got from Coles. i also use a cheap makeup sponge i got from kmart bc it does the job and its ridiculous to spend $30 on a sponge that is no different than cheaper sponges!! 

What makeup do you currently wear every day?

i don’t wear makeup everyday but when i do and its not like a ~special~ look i generally use no primer (besides moisturiser), the foundation I mentioned set with my Australis HD Translucent Loose Setting Powder which I’ve only just started using and i like it so far, really finely milled! for my brows i use my Rimmel Wonder’full Brow Gel in 003 Dark Brown since it darkens my brows perfectly bc if I do it too much I look like a neanderthal lmao (love that deep set eye prominent brow bone combo). For eye shadow I generally use my Anastasia Beverly Hills Norvina palette or my BH Cosmetics Love Signs palette followed by my Elf H2O Proof Eyeliner Pen (not the greatest eyeliner but since i only do wings and dont fully line my eye it works for me!) I then curl my lashes and apply the Benefit Roller Lash Mascara (the sample sizes last so long). If I’m doing blush it’ll be my Revlon Insta Blush Stick in Nude Kiss or Maybelline Fit Me blush in Rose! Finally i’ll generally use one of my NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams since I find them super comfy and set with Morphe Continuous Setting Mist!!

What do you think of makeup?

I enjoy makeup as a way to express myself creatively since i suck at traditional art lol but i also think it can be dangerous and that the current insta glam makeup that is trendy now is dangerous - no one can look that perfect!!! i also think it fosters self esteem issues with much of the marketing bc thats how they make money, by shaming people!! i also hate when im expected to wear makeup i think its a problem when it gets to that point where someone has literal anxiety about being bare faced, like it can really be traumatic ! also the trend of having tons of makeup i mean that shits expensive and you really dont need that much, it shouldnt be normalised AGH. i also hate how a lot of brands sexualise their products which theyre promoting to young girls !! its disgusting!!! dont call your mascara better than sex or your blush orgasm i get so heated over this, they shouldnt think to use makeup to make them ~sexy~ theyre young girls this makeup makes them look like theyre in their 20s they shouldnt be worrying about their appearance in this way theyre kids AGH

  What cosmetic products have you always wanted to try but still haven’t?

I really wanna try some colourpop products, nothing in particular but i hear their quality is great for the price and if that doesnt draw me in idk what does!

How often do you shop for makeup?

not very often, i usually buy makeup if i need to replace a staple in my routine, or if i see a palette i really like and am in the financial position to buy it / can’t dupe it with my current collection

Who are your favorite bloggers/vloggers?

i LOVE Smokey Glow and Nisipisa, they’re great if youre looking into makeup with a critical anti-consumerism eye

Do you like multifunctional products like lip and cheek stains?

yes! i use my cream blushes for lip stains sometimes and they look very nice 

Do you subscribe to any beauty boxes?

nope! idk if there are any in australia and id rather just buy stuff i want than buy random things that i might not even like

Favourite recent beauty buy?

probably my Sugarpill Fun Size palette! the colours are so unique, but i was rly disappointed in the shade Twitch it under-performed compared to the rest :(

All-time favourite beauty item?

probably my BTW Foundation bc it was the only foundation I’ve ever used that doesn’t sink into my pores and cling to my dry patches

Any beauty brands you won’t support?

Jeffree Star Cosmetics, Kat Von D, Kylie Cosmetics, KKW Beauty, most influencer brands, Huda Beauty, Limecrime, Morphe (when I finish my setting mist I won’t be buying again)

I tag anyone who wants to do this! i dont really know anyone on here so just go for it  💖 sorry that this doesnt make heaps of sense i struggled putting my thoughts into words haha

[euphoriecs]

gemini and taurus for when the sun falls, andromeda and ursa major for world end club, and apus and caelum for you!

!!!!!! thank u so much for the asks !!!!!!

Gemini - What inspired you to write this project?

i was rly inspired to write when the sun falls by several things !! namely the neighborhood that i live in bc im 99% sure its haunted at night, and a lot of different anime that ive been watching !! wtsf is also inspired by a couple of kpop mvs like the hyyh series + spring day by bts nd pentagon’s demo series as well as som Very Very Very vague ‘all in’ by mx inspo !!!

im personally rly drawn to imagery/themes like running, finding ur own family nd overthrowing ppl of power :D

Taurus - Tell us why you hate your project.

hMMM this is a tough question ,, mainly bc im in that honeymoon phase w wtsf,, but i think . if there’s something i’ve definitely struggled with concerning wtsf that has made me go “hoooOOOOOO i hate u” ,,, its maybe trying to create a convincing fictional town in california ,,, where i’ve never been GHJSGS not 2 mention ive never rly grown up in a small town ??? its always been a city , so im constantly worried i just wont nail that small town feeling . i think as i develop wtsf more , there’s bound 2 be things that have me struggling nd feeling like “hecc time 2 delete” but as of right now , i’m in a rly good place where i dont hate (mostly) what im developing !!!

Andromeda - Describe your main characters

wORLD END CLUB MY FIRST WIP …… on a HUGE backburner right now bc im just . TOTALLY unsatisfied w the characters which is FUNNY but !!! the mcs im keeping around are definitely the kang siblings so i’ll jus talk abt them KJHGS

so lets start w !! doyeon kang !! the oldest brother !!!! i dont remember how old i made him yeet but he’s very ,, he always tries to be a positive nd funny presence bc he hates the idea that anyone could worry for him , u know? he rly leans into the belief that he’ll be fine if he acts like he’s fine, nd is honestly more pressed to care about what happened to rena . he’s rly Aware of his surroundings bc he doesn’t want a repeat of what happened six years ago, when rena was snatched away from their street bc he was too focused on banging some bolts together . he’s also rly … Decent , w his ability to teleport . but he can b reckless w it at times which is what led to an accident that cost him his arm .

rena ,,, my sweet Babie,,, she’s very ?? quiet . nd spending 6 years as an experiment (and as one of the few successful ones in the early phases) has led her to become rly wary of ppl . but ?? that hasn’t rly stopped her drive to take down the corporation that turned her into smth else . she used to be very cheerful nd happy nd was literally sunshine personified nd she still can be like that !! but it’s a lot more muted nd kept 2 herself or ppl close to her . i think what makes her such an interesting character 2 write is that the world has been so unkind to her and her brother , but she doesn’t believe she should act the same (nd honestly, if she wanted 2 do bad things, she could !! nd it would be destructive !!) nd instead she pushes to help so no one else has to go thru what she went .

Ursa Major - What scene are you looking forward to writing?

oh my god ,,, i’ve had this kind of like ,, scene just floating around in my head . of rena nd doyeon meeting again for the first time in a Long time , nd i see it as a rly tearful ,,, we’ve both changed so much , also icb ur alive that’s wild … honestly there’s nothing rly set in stone here ,,, but its smth im looking forward to writing bc #sibs …

Apus -  What’s the hardest part about writing for you?

getting ?? things down ?? nd then being happy w it ?????? like there are so many little drabbles nd stuff where i slam the idea down nd then delete it all bc im like thats garbage u can do better . nd then i just never do it . bc if its not Perfect the first time , me, hovering over that delete: hhhheeeeeee !!!!!! which is Also why i have a huge issue w rereading what i’ve written . i hate it KJHGJS like i literally will Never ever willingly reread smth i wrote , bc then i pick it apart nd jus delete it all . 

Caelum - Do you write outlines? Why or why not?

i uSED TO NOT WRITE OUTLINES SKJHEJSHJSK nd i’d have ideas for SUPER LONG FICS … ND I’D WRITE THE FIRST CHAP ND POST IT and then bc i had no idea where i was going w said fic i’d jsut abandon it . but i write outlines now . i live nd Breathe outlines . i feel like esp for me , where i’m constantly buzzing w new ideas nd possibilities nd scenarios, its so so so helpful for me to have an outline nd to know where im going with this idea nd how i want it to end . nd my outlines are pretty flexible too, so if i wanna change smth up i can !! anyways yes i do write outlines i think theyre extremely important esp since i have one (1) brain cell and she can’t work too hard or she dies

constellation asks !!

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[gooodluckmode]

im deep in the vld hole here and need to voice my thoughts on kallura given literally everything so far & how i believe it doesnt make sense? (even though a lot of ppl have already said that) and maybe my worries will subside a bit. this most definitely might be a jumbled mess but i hope if youre worried or anxious or just kinda ehhh on the whole possibility this will help your worries subside too!!

(definitely got longer than i intended it to be but its coherent!)

i guess first ill go with the vld staff and crew. have to start with this dont @ me: lauren montgomery retweeted very obviously romantic klance art months ago (which im still not over lol). onto more serious stuff, i do know in an interview it was said sexuality can be explored? jeremy shada has said on a few occasions that he wants more keith and lance interaction and he has said that lance is gonna mature! i see that as a really good opportunity to address sexuality - have lance contemplate his bc of his feelings for keith. like that potential just seems so big and i would be disappointed if they wasted it?? lance obviously has confidence issues and to have him work through everything would be rly nice to see? also bex brought up klance in an interview and looked so devious and happy when she said she likes watching the klance shippers explode (i love her). she also said kallura is a bromance and thats it. of course this means nothing for sure but its stuff to think about. steven yeun said quite strangely that you never know where the romance is or who it is between so like ?? that can go both ways given what question he gave that as an answer to (it was about keith and allura). and just in general i know this crew isnt against lgbt content and representation (they’ve already done a bit with pidge & worked on lok which has korrasami!) so why not go further? and of course if they do go further, im just gunna guess and say it would be with klance, and if klance happens, well, kallura cant? honestly vld is ripe for amazing storytelling and relationships (if they choose to address romantic relationships - which if they dont thats totally fine too! the friendships in this how have amazing potential too!) and i want to trust the staff to handle it all well no matter what and not force anything just bc it happened in the older voltron.

onto keith himself. we havent seen keith show any real interest in allura at all. heck he even wanted to leave her on a galra ship in s1? in s2 its obvious he is hurt by her comments but yeah of course who wouldnt be? when he was in the little pod thing with her in s2 he didnt act like he was interested in her that way and when she kinda sorta hugged him after apologizing he didnt really react like someone would if someone they were interested in p much hugged them? i mean yes there are maaany eps left (at least 4 seasons worth!) and i know shada mentioned slowburn and i think it was lauren and joaquim that mentioned romance not being the paladins’ priority bc duh war but theyve also said they can plant things in early eps and seasons to go back to and really the only two ships that you can really argue things have been planted for for ultimate slowburn are shallura and klance (have you seen how tender some moments between shiro and allura are??? and of course bonding moment).

allura also hasnt really shown any romantic interest in keith either and tbh i really think she just felt genuinely bad that she treated keith that way after finding out he was part galra? i dont really see the apology scene with the kinda hug as totally romantic but i definitely see why it worries ppl bc it does worry me too. (especially when coupled with the scene of them in the pod together in space but *big shrug* you know. i dont think that scene was romantic either except for when the pod exploded and they had to cling to each other??? but i digress). idk how other ppl interpret allura’s age and i dont wanna start discourse here but i personally feel like she is an adult in human age and keith is obviously a teenager and like yeah age gap problems but also??? no offense to keith but allura deserves someone more mature and just.. better for her?? and IF she gets paired up with someone i think given her interactions with shiro, he would make the most sense (plus she will probably play a very big role in finding him and saving him and im super excited for that!! allura is gonna kick some ass)

additionally ive already mentioned this but i mean the development and potential for both shallura and klance cant be ignored. this isnt a “shallura and/or klance might become canon post and here’s why” post but it is a post that points out two very popular ships in the fandom that make a lot more sense given everything. if you want a good klance meta, head on over here. i dont have any shallura metas on hand but if anyone knows of any link me!!

and also real quick i mean.. the crew on vld is capable of telling a good story and i really want to trust them to not write forced relationships if they make anything canon at all. i know a lot of ppl think s2 didnt rly compare to s1 but i think s2 was made to set us up for A LOT in the upcoming seasons. plus tyler labine has said that they do look at feedback they get from fans when considering things (for example they know how ppl have reacted to how hunk was treated and theyre going to work on showing him in a different and more heroic light rather than just the comedic relief food guy). i know this fandom has a bad rep when it comes to discourse about everything but i also know ive seen legit respectful constructive criticism from fans and thats what will be mostly heavily noted - NOT harassment!! dont harass the crew!! these people are working on a show you love and dont deserve the terrible harassment i know has gone on. being someone who lives for characters and character development more than plot, im really concerned about relationship dev in the upcoming seasons (platonic and romantic) and im sure a lot of ppl understand where im coming from but more than that i think its important to enjoy the show and the story, you know? i think the lore in this universe has got amazing potential and im excited to see it unfold along side these characters that i love!

feel free to message me or add more!

[howelljenkins]

i was just....wondering....do u think this is ok abt gender as well? like i...feel fucking guilty for not letting a few friends of mine know abt being nb and this leads to some uh...dysphoria inducing comments on their end *its not their fault!!! ofc. they don't know* but.....i- idk man. i'm pretty conflicted. any advice?

disclaimer: i’m not an expert or a scholar i am just a 20 year old with a lot of opinions 😭

for your specific situation i think this also applies. from what you describe it sounds like the guilt stems from feeling obligated to come out. two options: come out or do the internal work u need to come to terms with the fact that no one is owed your identity (and that’s not a big deal either! they’re also not owed information on your bowel movements but you don’t feel guilty about that bc it’s fine and they don’t need to know!). for the comments, if theyre general comments u can still correct and educate even if they don’t necessarily know youre non-binary. as simple as “oh actually guys i heard you shouldn’t say that bc xyz” or “wait that reminds me of something i read the other day! did you know that’s actually offensive/incorrect/a myth?“ etc. if the dysphoria stems from their actions towards you specifically you can set boundaries without a full blown explanation. for example, i have a friend who tends to be rowdy when she laughs. when i told her i wasn’t comfortable w being hit playfully, she made an effort to remember that and apply it to her actions, no questions asked. in terms of sharing ur gender identity i started rambling so i’m putting it under the cut and i’m sorry if it’s scatter brained i’m rly just thinking out loud and still in the process of crystallizing my own opinion

tl;dr of the cut: keep in mind you can be as vague and broad as u want and there are very few people you owe full blown explanations to.

ok to preface another issue i have w coming out is ppl feel pressured to do it ASAP and trap themselves in a label and are less willing to fully explore and understand their identities bc they’ve already gone around and told everyone and no one wants to come out a second time, especially w less supportive ppl making comments like “i knew you’d change your mind/it’s a phase/etc”

someone who has come to full terms with their gender identity and in a position to “come out” should they want to. in my opinion, if they dont care to announce it and officially come out to friends and family w a full explanation, they can at that point figure out the absolute minimum information they’d need to share and go from there. for example, if i am non-binary, fine with going by she/her pronouns, and fine going by my given name, I don’t have to share anything at all. if i’m not comfortable with my name, i ask to be called by another. if i want to go by other pronouns, i can ask to be referred to by those pronouns and provide as much or little explanation as i want and think is appropriate in the situation (ex: if i ask a coworker to refer to me with they/them, that’s literally all i’m asking. they don’t need to know my business.) and so on depending on your comfort level

for those who choose to change their appearance and present themselves differently, it all depends on their environment. for most people you can literally just not tell them and if they ask you can say “personal reasons” and leave it at that unless you want to say more. same thing here with defining the bare minimum of information you want to share and tailoring it to fit your comfort level and your relationship to the person you’re talking to (like if u get top surgery and grow a beard and have a relationship w ur mom. the bare minimum thing doesn’t really apply and ur probably gonna have to sit down w her for a talk and a decent explanation)

so even if you show up to school one day in makeup and heels after 16 years of being perceived as a boy and tell people to call you samantha and refer to u with she/her pronouns they STILL aren’t owed a private explanation and you’re allowed to not answer their questions bc regardless of whether or not you share your full life story they’re still obligated to treat you with respect and respect your privacy (socially but also in most cases. legally.) for the ppl who choose not to respect you, i doubt overstepping your comfort levels to share the nitty gritty details of your story would’ve changed anything other than leaving you feeling exposed.

i forgot where i was going with this but. yeah. i’m thinking about it since it can vary so widely on such an individual basis so im trying to make my answer something malleable and theory based that you can use to form your own answer for your specific situation rather than me telling u what i think you should do