#ugh this is bringing up my own grief of the best friend and lover i lost 2.5 years ago

[larentslovechaos]

there's something so hard about the fading of someone as time passes and I'm not looking forward to it. like your mind just has the captures of them and time just moves on further and further. time just goes further and further away from the time of when that person was alive.

[merakiui]

hii could we get an angsty scenario/hcs of xiao and scaramouche/any characters you prefer! who are basically head over heels for someone but that person keeps getting with the wrong people and constantly getting their heart broken? Preferably with a good/fluffy ending but it’s up to you!

cw: angst + heartbreak  note - decided to go for scenarios! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

[Xiao] 

One Call Away—

The sudden shout of his name had brought him out into the open, where he finds you sitting in a field of wildflowers, your head hung and quiet sobs racking your hunched form.

“You called?” The gruffness in his voice startles you and your head snaps up. He notices your pained expression and the tears that refuse to cease, and it gives birth to a strange feeling within his chest. “What happened? Surely I am not too late.” And then he shakes his head. “No, I’m never late.”

“Ah... I’m sorry.” You sniffle, pitifully rubbing at your eyes. “I guess your name slipped out. I didn’t mean to bother you. I just didn’t mean to call for you either.”

Xiao raises a brow and then surveys the surrounding area. “Well, it doesn’t look like you’re in any mortal peril. In that case, I’ll leave you to—”

“No!”

Your sudden shout startles the both of you, with you drawing back and Xiao’s eyes widening ever so slightly. He wonders why you’re crying when beautiful scenery surrounds you. Are you truly that pathetic? Are mortals usually this weak-hearted? Xiao can’t wrap his head around the idea of grief; he’s an immortal who has seen plenty of hazardous scenarios worth grieving over. Yet with the passage of time he has learned to let such emotions drift away on a wind current. Emotions are useless to an adeptus.

But now he’s stuck with them.

“No?”

“D-Don’t go...” Your voice wobbles and you wipe at your reddened eyes. “I don’t want to bother you, but could you stay here with me? For a little while, at least. It’s all I’ll ask...”

He feels like he should decline your desperate plea before it spreads its perplexing roots throughout his system. The words are practically on the tip of his tongue and he struggles to verbalize them. If he could, he’d shake his head and vanish from your sight. There’s something about your expression that forces him to stay, and he truly detests the way his emotions run wild at the prospect of something he can’t quite comprehend.

“Fine.”

And so Xiao listens to you. It’s something he does best; his eyes and ears are open as he gives you his full, undivided attention. Half of him observes your reactions as you explain what happened and the other half zeros in on the way your subtle hand motions. While he might not be anywhere near a cupid—and he would never be caught giving out relationship advice to mortals, which is something he couldn’t do even if he tried—he is still a being of immense power. From what he’s able to understand from your explanation, your loved one decided to part from you because they believed it just wasn’t working. And you, having been struck with an immense sadness, failed to call out to them to clear up any misunderstandings.

Eventually, after internally wrestling with his own thoughts and feelings, he asks, “Do you want me to teach them a lesson? Should you need them to feel the same amount of despair you’re feeling—”

“Oh, no! No. No. They don’t deserve to be punished for that. I understand now that our feelings weren’t the same. We really weren’t working and that’s okay. It just...hurts.”

Xiao tilts his head, an innocently childish show of confusion. “Where?”

“It’s not a physical pain, Xiao. I mean, it could be. But...this is more emotional.” Your hand reaches out, fingers wrapping around his wrist. He stares down at your hand and he almost pulls away. Before he can even consider what’s happening, you’re guiding his hand to where your heart is. “In here. It hurts now, but I’ll overcome it eventually. I’m used to it anyways...”

The straight-faced adeptus remains still as he feels the fast-paced beat of your heart. Mortals have always been weak in his eyes: feeble beings who break at the slightest inconvenience. Although you don’t seem close to shattering and that confuses him more than he’d like to admit. Perhaps you are one of the more resilient humans he’s come across in recent years. It’s strange when he feels your heartbeat, so very certain and alive with the sour feelings a heartbreak brings. He’s never understood that either. Heartbreaks and relationships. The differences between friendship and romance. Both can be seen through to the very end, if fostered healthily.

So then why are you so sad?

Truthfully, you’ve always seemed sad to Xiao. As an adeptus, he’s never been able to fully grasp the meaning behind human emotions. They’re insignificant in his eyes, mere flashes of feeling that can hurt and blind. They’re troublesome and useless—certainly not something he would ever want to experience. But those emotions can heal and bring cheer. They’re not all entirely bad, nor are they as evil as he seems to think they are.

Xiao realizes his hand has been on your chest for a while now and he’s been staring at you so much that you’ve begun to shrink away, partially embarrassed to have him analyze you with so much scrutiny.

“Is...something wrong?”

He shakes his head slowly at first before retracting his arm. And then he notices you’ve stopped crying. He’s not sure when this happened, but he’s oddly relieved to see your neutral expression. Somehow your crying face is painful and it wounds him in a way he never would have imagined.

“Thank you for listening to my rant. I know this is probably meaningless to you, since you’re an adeptus and all, but it really means a lot. So I’m glad I was able to get these things off my chest. I feel a lot lighter now.”

“You’re not sad?”

“Ah. Well...” Your gaze flickers, eyes darting to and fro while you struggle to look at him. “I’m still sad, but I’ll get over it! Don’t worry! I’m resilient!”

Xiao’s brow furrows in confusion. As he has thought plenty of times before, mortals are far too complex. Eventually he sighs and says, “It’s okay to cry. Don’t keep that inside, okay? You’ll just hurt yourself even more.” Now he’s avoiding your gaze and there’s a barely noticeable tinge of pink dusting his pale cheeks. He’s really not good at consoling humans.

“Oh, Xiao.” You pull him in for a hug and he stiffens, trying to squeeze out of your arms like a cat near water. But then he feels your fingers digging into his arm and he realizes that you might actually need this hug. Despite the fact that he’s not used to freely giving out hugs—or even cheering up mortals, for that matter—he is definitely out of his element. “Really, thank you. I promise to make you an Almond Tofu as thanks.”

“There’s no need for that.” Hesitantly, as if he’s worried he’ll break you, he wraps his arms around your form. “I’m just helping you because you called my name. That’s all.”

But that’s not the full truth. Hidden in those words is the real reason why he even bothered to stay despite the false alarm. And it worries Xiao when he thinks about the implications. He really does like you and this admiration has surpassed platonic love. As long as you’re okay, though, he’ll swallow his feelings in favor of making sure you’re always happy. It’s one of his duties as your friend.

Friend. A word Xiao never thought he’d ever use, but it feels nice. He likes it.

Yet The Distance Remains Harrowing.

[Scaramouche] 

To Mend a Broken Heart—

You’re spilling your emotional guts in front of the Sixth of the Fatui Harbingers, tears freely running down your cheeks like two faulty water faucets. It’s a pathetic sight, really. Scaramouche witnessed this exact show just a few weeks ago when you were so certain that that fisher was the one. Now, after meeting and getting together with someone else for a short time, you’ve come out of yet another relationship, unhappy and unsatisfied.

He’s jealous. There’s no denying the envy he feels when you talk so highly of these people and then wail about them a few days later. It’s a vicious cycle of mending a fragile heart and then breaking it into pieces all over again. With no end in sight, you fall victim to your own demise in the pursuit of love. He wonders if you’ll ever learn to choose your next partner carefully rather than settling for anything with a pulse.

“This is exactly what I said would happen, was it not?” he says with a sigh. “Oh, woe is you. If you were smarter, this last relationship might have lasted longer.”

“That’s rich coming from you. I’ve never seen you in a relationship before,” you mutter, wiping angrily at your eyes. His eyelid twitches at the not-so-subtle jab. “Ugh!I hate being so unlucky! This is the worst.”

“Rather than your foul luck, I think the problem lies within you and your taste in partners.”

Sniffling, you lower your head onto the table, hoping to just melt into the crafted wood before you end up making even more of a fool out of yourself. It���s rare to be in the company of Scaramouche, considering how often he’s assigned missions that require swift travel and a covert profile. But whenever you do find yourself sitting across from him, indulging in light snacks and tea, it’s always because you’ve lost your latest lover; and your own sadness requires the nullifying effects of Scaramouche’s cynicism.

“They’re good people! I just don’t know why it never works out. We’re happy and we both like each other—it doesn’t make any sense. Am I missing something? Is it my fault? They probably got tired of me because I’m not a good person.“

“Perhaps.” He takes a moment to sip his tea and you muster a weak glare. Only Scaramouche can delight in his beverage while you’re holding back another onslaught of tears. “Your crocodile tears are hardly flattering and your apparent need for consistent affection might come off as clingy. And you have a tendency to find flaws within yourself whenever something doesn’t go your way. Adding onto that, you doubt yourself a lot and you’re always quick to take the blame for things that are out of your control. In a way you are partially—”

“I get it. I’m not a good person.”

“I never said anything of that sort. Now you’re just asking for pity.”

Oh, how close you are to punching that smirk off of his face.

“Then since you seem to know everything, my oh so helpful friend, why don’t you tell me what I’m missing?”

“With pleasure.” His cup finds the surface of the table as he ponders your demand for a moment. “You’re missing someone who meshes well with your personality.”

“That’s not true. Everyone I’ve been with so far—“ His skeptical look makes you stop short. “Okay. Maybe we forced it because we thought it was love. But that’s besides the point! There was still an attraction! I think...” You huff and bury your face in your arms, nearly almost sprawling on the table. You’re too depressed to even consider how impolite your actions look, and Scaramouche scoffs at your poor display of manners. “Where am I even going to find someone who ‘meshes well with my personality,’ hm?”

“I’m sure you’ve already found them.” He clears his throat, tracing a finger along a sanded knot in the wooden table. “You’re sitting across from him.”

Whether he intended for you to hear that whispered part, you can’t say for sure. But your head perks up and you fix him with a lopsided grin. “You’re kidding.”

“Hm?”

“Me and you, a couple?” A small giggle escapes your lips and you swipe the remaining tears out of your eyes. “Don’t joke about that. I’m trying to be sad here!”

It wasn’t a joke, he almost says and he catches himself, suddenly self-conscious.

“I don’t think we’d work out,” you continue, motioning between you and him. “We’d hardly see each other and you don’t seem like the type for romance. Besides, I’m not attracted to you in that way. You feel the same, right?”

Scaramouche stares into his cup before he meets your gaze, a tight smile gracing his expression. “Of course. Your inability to settle isn’t all that attractive.”

Your eyes roll and you finally pick up your own cup to take a large gulp of lukewarm tea. The bitter Harbinger observes your actions with narrowed eyes. There’s a distinct pain that taps at his hardened soul, splitting it apart as your words echo within his spinning head. I don’t think we’d work out. I’m not attracted to you in that way. Why is he suddenly feeling...upset? He’s not one for pitiful emotions; he’s a Harbinger, not a lovesick fool! He ought to glare at you and storm off, demanding the two of you never speak again. But he won’t say that because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Because he cares for you. Because he loves you.

You feel the same, right?

No, that’s not right. This is the love he’s been wallowing in since he first got acquainted with you. It’s strange when he remembers every event that has led up to the blossoming feelings that reside deep in the epicenter of his heart, but it’s even more strange that he can’t find the courage to voice his own opinion.

“We wouldn’t mix,” he reaffirms your statement with a cold tone. There is no warmth in his eyes. “After all, your taste in tea is as bad as your taste in partners.”

And even though he wishes you could see through his walls—just this once he’ll allow you to tear them down for the sake of a half-baked confession—you just sit there and grin, no longer teary-eyed and forlorn. How odd. His heart feels far heavier than it’s ever been before. And you’re already scanning your surroundings, hungry for a love that will never keep you sated. Perhaps you weren’t even sad in the first place.

Upon realizing this, Scaramouche wants nothing more than to disappear into the wood like a feeble worm and never come back out.

You Must Break Another.

[sepublic]

The Castle Car and the Train to Nowhere!

           This was SUCH an amazing and compelling finale, y’all! The way all these things come together, how it just culminates in humble, silly, yet REAL apologies… Concessions, the parallels in the denizens and one another, I love it SO MUCH!

           Firstly, what started as a funny gag photo with Jeremy, Kez, and Morgan, and the meaning expanded upon- SSSOOO clever, like everything in this entire damn series! But also the grief and symbolism, how Morgan is literally like a prison for Jeremy… And she wants to keep him, hold onto him, but she’s not letting him be his own person, and it reminds me of Min not wanting to be left behind by Ryan! And how Morgan takes things personally against Kez for just being herself, for this accident, at Jeremy for leaving her… And how Min learns not to be mad at Ryan and vice-versa, that they FINALLY learn to say sorry!

           There’s so much to unwrap… Jeremy going on his journey, but he never really left, just like Ryan going off but not REALLY progressing! And this theme of progression and journeys, wanting to get it over with and rush it, feeling like you’re trapped and not getting anywhere… Wanting a plan or a destination, but as Kez said, sometimes it’s just about the journey! To just live in the moment, to enjoy and appreciate what happened… To not stay stuck over the past, while also taking responsibility, mutually admitting where you went wrong! Making concessions because you LOVE a person, you want them to be their own!

           How Kez really didn’t just mean to, just like Ryan can sometimes be thoughtless… How the passengers learn to help the denizens and vice-versa in their examples! Jeremy realizing he never really left the fog, and when he figures this out with Kez’s help, in a sense he goes back to where he started; And only by returning can he start anew his ACTUAL journey, just as Ryan goes back home to reunite with Min, and starts off this whole sequence! And GOD, the horror and creepiness of Kez luring them in for a trap, dragging them along without really telling the plan, no trust and how Min feels like he can’t trust Ryan who just brings him and doesn’t slow down…

           UGH IT’S SO GOOD, and how Kez and Morgan learn to confront their issues, how Kez just wants to make up- And Morgan is rooted in place, stuck in the past, maybe kind of like Min? The culmination of Kez being a welcoming bell for people… AND RYAN FINALLY GETTING TO RING HER, we’d never seen ANY ringing and we finally got it! For a moment I thought it’d cut to an actual bell ringing as we see Ryan and Min at a real-life place to check in for their journey… But no, we got it! God, the wordless trust as Kez fully understands and bows her little head, eyes closed… Kez is phenomenal, 10/10, one of THE best denizens in my opinion, alongside Lake!

           Just GOD, the motif of the train and passengers and journeys, the denizens going on their own journey… I must say, with how the denizens can actually leave to hound after the passengers even after the puzzle is done, even taking advantage of the local tech- It all seems very unintended, doesn’t it? And Amelia, lol, we get to sort of see her take-over; We know it happens across Book 4, and we see the effects with how she’s trying to figure out the Steward and take Ryan and Min’s boots for her own experiments, only to mess up and cause the Steward to self-destruct! It’s kind of hilarious how everything stops for a moment and Ryan and Min have no clue WHAT happened, they don’t know who One or Amelia are, they heard their voices last time in that Party Car and that was about it… Hilarious.

           But damn, Amelia just abandoning everyone and telling them they’re on their own, it’s a contrast to how these people are reuniting and finding solace… Well besides Judge Morpho, I’m glad she’s alive after all- I was afraid she’d be decked into the fire, but no, just out the chimney and gone! She really is unkillable, huh… And the Cow Creamer came back, she’s with her kid again! She’s a good and mature mom… And I SAW Kez’s apology coming and I loved it! And Ryan, Ryan wants to move on, he wants to get away and progress and he’s impatient, but he needs to learn to appreciate the journey, even if he has been feeling trapped and held down…

           UGH IT’S SO GOOD, learning to stick with one another! The character themes, the clever bits of worldbuilding across the seasons, coming together like one giant puzzle as we learn and understand more about the setting, even retroactively, as well as some characters… The storytelling is SO concise, sweet, and to the point! Morgan gets to still cope with her own feelings on her own, that theme of enjoying and appreciating what you DID go through, as part of that theme of progress and learning to move on, while still taking it slowly enough to actually take in what’s happening!

          There’s accountability with the apologies, admitting you did wrong, that you’ll actually learn and progress from here, instead of staying in the same places and repeating the same mistakes… It’s wonderfully cheesy but also heartfelt, I ADORE how this show isn’t afraid to be dark and twisted like Book 3, but then have a happy ending like this; It’s the RANGE that is granted by the setting, premise, and anthological story-telling!

           Amelia doesn’t learn, not until she meets Tulip- And it’s SO fun thinking of how these characters all indirectly and directly interact and come together, the parallels… Amelia meets Ryan and Min, then later inspires Grace, she meets Tulip, who frees Lake who meets Jesse… And Tulip’s efforts get Amelia to change for the better, leading her to eventually meet Grace again, as WELL as Simon, and then Hazel who she made! It really is an interconnected web, a story that overlaps and all comes together as one great end-product and recipe, and DAMN if I’m not salty we’re not getting the rest! We’re missing out on a whole second half… But maybe in graphic novel or book- There’s hope and freedom in that medium, let’s not forget!

           Well guys, this was a PHENOMENAL season, and a wonderful way to end the animated version of this tale… Although hopefully, the story continues on in other formats- And who knows, maybe the animated medium CAN be retained, if this does well enough. We’ll just have to wait and see… But in the meantime, this was a wonderful way to end things, and I genuinely hope that Owen Dennis can tell the rest of his story, perhaps in literal books; All of them, Books 5-8, as well as the resolution to Amelia and Hazel! This was purely amazing you guys, and it really made my day… THANK you, Owen and crew, for everything and Infinity Train- I mourn the destination and end after having reached it, but as Kez taught us, you just gotta appreciate the journey, and what mostly certainly DID happen…!

           Even unintended, this works as a nice goodbye to the animated form of the series; So what better way to end, than with a song that makes the most of the animated format? And a song taking inspiration from the Infinity Train and the friends met there… I’ve always wanted to see a passenger incorporate those experiences creatively like that! Who knows, maybe Tulip did so with her games… And in the meantime, I’d love to see a reference to Chicken Choice Judy in a future Book, perhaps just a glimpse in modern time to see how they did! But then again, Owen does like his ambiguity; And even if Chicken Choice Judy didn’t make it, I think Ryan and Min can both agree that the brief tenure was still worth it, no anxiety over the destination- They’ll get there, WHEN they get there, as Min said… They don’t need to control, just adapt and survive! No knowledge nor certainty, no guarantees required- They have their hope, faith, their past, and one another as guidance to keep company, and they’ll never be alone from hear on out! They can learn to let go, and move on… Just as Jeremy moved on from the death of his own lover (and child), so hopefully Amelia can learn as well, too. We’ll see…

           Until next time you guys… Like Ryan and Min, let’s appreciate what we did get, and keep ourselves open to our next destination, whatever it may be, if nothing; The journey was still enjoyed and happened! To our next destination, or shall we board off at our final stop- We’ll just have to wait and see.

[ifistoptherain]

Star Crossed Lovers, a TsukkiYama fanfic

You can buy me a ko-fi here. You can read this on AO3 here.

Yamaguchi gets approached by Johzenji's captain, Terushima Yuuji to go on a date and Tsukishima Kei gets jealous. It looks like two alphas have their sight on Yamaguchi, how will he choose?

--

Karasuno wins against Johzenji. The adrenaline and happiness surging through Tadashi’s body is incredible. They can keep playing! It’s smiles all around as Daichi yells at them to line up and they all bow.

Playing against Johzenji was fun. The energy that that team brought to the game was wild and unpredictable, different from the other teams that would strategize every move. As usual, Hinata had the most fun, his happy pheromones flooding the court with the scent of oranges.

He’s packing up his things, with Tsukki right next to him when the Johzenji captain approaches. 

“Pinch server-kun, will you go out with me?”

He’s stunned. He can feel the blush creeping up his cheeks. Nothing has happened with Tsukki since their presentation and he’s tired of waiting. Maybe a bit of jealousy would be the exact push Tsukki needs.

He nods, holding out his phone to get his number. Terushima grins and walks away. And if Tadashi was to be honest, he’d been wondering how a tongue piercing tastes throughout the match. (Tadashi was really glad he always wears scent blockers, no way he’d be able to explain why his pheromones were horny. Actually, he could. Terushima was totally his type and it didn’t look like he was looking for anything too serious.)

He looks down at his phone. “Terushima Yuuji.” Yuuji? It means playful child, how fitting. He smiles at his phone and adds a heart emoji to his name. His heart is fluttering right now.

“So you’re going to go out with him?” Tsukki asks, expression unreadable. 

“Yup, why are you jealous?” Tsukki shakes his head, muttering something about being careful.

“He seems nice, and I like how he smells.” For someone so wild, Terushima smells like vanilla. How ironic. 

Just then, Yachi yells at them and they head to their bus. He’s honestly really tired, a quick nap is just what he needs.

When he gets home, his mother immediately wrinkles her nose. “Why did Tsukishima scent mark you so aggressively?”  

Tadashi shakes his head. “I have no idea, but today an alpha from another school asked me out, mom. I said yes!”

“Eh, I thought Tsukishima was courting you. You always smell like him. Are you sure you want to go out with someone else?”

“That’s what I thought too. I like him but he hasn’t initiated anything. I’m tired of waiting. Maybe a little jealousy will work?”

His mother punches him in the arm, “That’s seriously sly. Who taught you this behavior?”

“Like mother, like son.”

“Hey, I’m an innocent person! I bet you picked it up from your beloved Tsukki.”

“Moooommm.”

“Fine, fine, tell me all about this new alpha.”

“His name is Terushima Yuuji and he’s from Johzenji…”

--

When he checks his phone that night, there are no texts from Tsukki which was weird. So, instead he decides to text Terushima. He takes a selfie with his tongue sticking out, captioning “I wonder what a tongue piercing tastes like?” A bit flirty but Tadashi has been wondering.

He gets an immediate reply. Good, Tadashi likes attention. “Why don’t you find out this weekend?”

<b> Tadashi: </b> can i call you teru

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Only if i can call u dashi

<b> Tadashi: </b> then i should be calling you yuuji ◕ ◡ ◕

<b> teruteru <3: </b> You can if you want

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Who was the blond alpha? Would have burnt me to crisp with his glare D:

<b> Tadashi: </b> hes just my best friend

<b> teruteru <3: </b> You like him?

Tadashi pauses, unsure how to reply, admitting his feelings for Tsukki would ruin his chances with Terushima.

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Well im not looking for anyth serious anw

<b> teruteru <3: </b> I broke up with my ex a while back, we can be each others’ rebounds

<b> teruteru <3: </b>  In fact riling up an alpha seems especially fun

<b> Tadashi: </b>  u wanna watch a movie this sun?

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Sureeeee

<b> Tadashi: </b> ure definitely okay with dating for fun?

<b> teruteru <3: </b>  Yupppp

<b> Tadashi: </b> by the way

<b> Tadashi: </b> ill be preheat then so :p

<b> teruteru <3: </b> fuckkkkkkkkk

It’s Thursday so Tadashi only has three days till his date.

They’re having lunch in class when he tells Tsukki that he’s meeting Teru on Saturday, only for him to get no reaction. Tsukki passes him his lunchbox. Tadashi’s mother is a single mother and she’s usually too busy to cook for Tadashi. Tadashi tries to cook when he can but most of the time he’s too tired from working part time at Shimada Mart and the Yamaguchi family ends up eating take out. 

Stupid Tsukishima. If he didn’t like Tadashi, why would he constantly scent mark him and bring him a lunch box all the time? Honestly, Tadashi could ask Tsukki out. But, he knows Tsukki might say yes even if he didn’t have feelings for Tadashi, and Tadashi could just be overthinking Tsukki’s actions.

So, Tadashi wasn’t going to make the first move but he wasn’t going to wait forever either. He loves Tsukki but he knows that he deserves better than that.

The food is great. His lunches with Tsukki are the rare home cooked meals he gets. Curry rice always reminds him of his dad. But the sweet Japanese curries are different from the ones his dad used to make. Maybe, he should make something that his dad used to make. It’s hard to get Indian spices in Japan…

He really must drop by and thank Tsukki’s mum soon. Maybe with a gift?

“Hey Tsukki, should I get your mother a gift? She’s always helping me and my mum out. I feel bad.”

“No, it’s fine. But she did mention that she wanted to see you soon.”

“I’ll come by for dinner soon then.”

“You seemed sad?” He hadn’t even realised he had looked sad.

“I was just reminded of my dad. Thought I should make some of the food he used to make, maybe I’ll make some for mum.” His dad passed away a year ago. They’re okay with it now. Both his mum and him were able to brace themselves as he was sick for a while. 

But, sometimes it hurts. Like someone twisted a knife in his heart. 

Tadashi smiles. “It’s not a big deal, Tsukki.” It really isn't.  Grief demands to be felt and there’s nothing you can do about it. It just makes him appreciate his time with his dad more.

“Is Aki-nii coming back this weekend? I think he mentioned something like that a while back.”

And immediately, Tsukki looks annoyed. “How does he have the time to text you and not me? I’m his brother.”

“Well, Tsukki. I’m the favourite, besides you ignore him all the time. Now, if I were to tell Aki-nii what you just said, he might text you more often.” He points his chopsticks in Tsukki’s direction.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.” He looks pointedly at him. “But… If you were more vocal in your affection, Aki-nii would reciprocate.” Tsukki better take the hint. Or maybe not, he would enjoy his date with Teru after all.

“By the way, I won’t be in school next week. Take notes for me, will you?” He can see the cogs turning in Tsukki’s brain.

“You’re going to be spending your pre-heat with Terushima? Just be safe.” Ugh. Tadashi could bang his head on the table. Will Tsukki ever get it?

“I will.”

“What do you think I should wear for the date? I was thinking something punk, Teru has those vibes. He might like it.”

--

Terushima picks him up, looking as punk as he could imagine, with a motorbike. Terushima looks great, the pants are tight, showing off his toned legs and bubble butt. The white tank top shows off his muscular arms through the sheer black top.

And Tadashi is really glad he went through his mother’s closet and picked out a leather jacket with spikes on it and borrowed Yachi’s choker. He’s wearing a t-shirt that he owns and skinny jeans. 

“Terushima! You look good.”

“I thought you were going to call me Yuuji. And you look good too.” He holds out a helmet for Tadashi to wear. 

“Only if you call me Tadashi.”

“Okay, Tadashi, hop on.”

Yuuji clearly has a need for speed. Tadashi thinks it's a ploy to get him to hold onto the alpha’s waist tightly. It works.

The wind also blows Yuuji’s pheromones right into his face. It’s a bit intoxicating, he hasn’t been in such close parameters with an alpha before.

Yuuji pays for everything, of course Tadashi offers to pay but it's an empty offer. There is nothing sexier than a capable alpha, it makes him feel like he would be well taken care of.

The movie bores Tadashi out of his mind so he leans into Yuuji. Nuzzles his face into Yuuji’s scent glands. He likes how Yuuji smells. He smells so sweet, a bit sugary like Tadashi could eat the alpha up. It’s a fun thought.

His preheat was making him just a bit more horny than usual. After a few minutes of nuzzling, Yuuji looks him in the eye. 

“You smell spicy, it’s rare.”  Yuuji sucks at the skin of his neck.

“I’m half indian.” Tadashi is pretty sure what someone smells like depends on the food they ate as a child. Huh, maybe Yuuji ate a lot of vanilla ice cream as a child.

He bites the sensitive skin of Tadashi’s scent glands, sucking on it and Tadashi can’t suppress the moan.

“Be quiet, <i>omega</i>.” Tadashi knows that Yuuji knows that the two of them are probably the only two left in the movie theatre.

“Make me, <i>alpha<i>.” Yuuji’s eyes almost seem to glow as he immediately closes the gap between their lips. He pushes Tadashi onto his back, who promptly wraps his legs around the alpha’s waist. His lips are rough, a bit dry. He tastes like the cheap, buttery popcorn they had earlier. Tadashi’s tongue runs along Yuuji’s tongue piercing, it doesn’t taste like anything really.

His hands are on Tadashi’s back, but one is creeping up his shirt. They stop making out for a moment and Tadashi takes off Yuuji’s shirt. Meanwhile, Yuuji pushes up Tadashi’s shirt, tongue dragging along his chest, sucking on the nipples. The metal feels cool against his skin.

Meanwhile, Tadashi feels up Yuuji’s muscular arms. He’s so strong...

“Fuck, you smell so fuckable.” He’s back to nosing at his scent glands and sucking on that skin. Tadashi lifts his hips up, gyrating against Yuuji’s crotch. They’re both hard, Tadashi notices with satisfaction.

Yuuji stops for a moment and Tadashi whines. 

“Your heat’s starting soon, let’s leave.” Ugh. It would only start tomorrow so why couldn’t he enjoy his time with Yuuji?

“Yuuji, I don’t want to…” He leans away, getting up. Deep down, Tadashi knows he’s right. He pulls Tadashi up by the arm.

Yuuji leads them out and Tadashi follows, clinging onto his arm. Tadashi does feel slightly light headed now that he thinks about it. Yuuji is awfully quiet and Tadashi’s pretty sure they’re speeding. It must take a lot of focus to deny an omega almost in heat. At least, wrapping his arms around Yuuji is nice.

When they arrive, Yuuji pushes his shirt into Tadashi’s arms. 

“For your heat.” Tadashi plants a very chaste kiss on Yuuji’s lips.

“Thanks for today, Yuuji.”

He hears the motorcycle rev off, once he’s closed the door behind him. He’s sweet and respectful, isn’t he?

“I’m home!” He says to no one in particular, his mum must have picked up an extra shift at the bar again.

He’s alone again. Yuuji just left and he misses him terribly. There’s probably an hour left until his heat actually hits.

<b> Tadashi: </b> thanks for today

<b> Tadashi: </b> drive safe

<b> teruteru <3: </b> :D

He had already built his nest and stocked his room with water in advance. Or maybe his mum had put the water bottles in? He doesn’t remember.

<b> Tadashi: </b>tsukkkiiiiiii 

<b> Tadashi: </b> he has a motorcycle! a motorcycle!!

 <b> Tadashi: </b> the movie we watched was super boring but

<b> Tadashi: </b> yuuji was really sweet i think i could fall for him

<b> Tadashi: </b> but hes not looking for anyth too serious

The messages show up as read but Tsukki doesn’t reply because when does he ever. There’s a meal in the fridge, some take out his mum probably got from work. He climbs into his nest on his bed, after dinner. AC on blast, heats could get so hot and so sticky.

During his heat, Tadashi imagines not just Tsukki’s long fingers but also Yuuji’s firm but gentle touches and his playful bites.

It’s Thursday afternoon and Tadashi’s heat is mostly gone. It’s just a dull ache in his bones now. Yuuji’s poor sheer shirt has been desecrated. Tadashi handwashes it, and then sends a pic of him wearing it with nothing below to Yuuji. Also, Yuuji’s hickies hadn’t faded in the 4 days since then.

<b> Tadashi: </b> (*^^*) the hickies still havent fadedddd

<b> teruteru <3: </b> I like to show off my work~ 

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Besides, I didn’t hear complaints at the time~~

<b> Tadashi: </b> (*^^*) 

He definitely had been in pre heat then because he hadn’t noticed how aggressive Yuuji was. The hickeys hurt if he touches them. Yuuji’s aggressiveness was sexy actually.

He’ll probably have to put makeup on them when he goes to school. But it's only Thursday and he’d probably ditch on Friday anyway so hopefully, it would fade before next Monday. 

Tomorrow, he has a morning shift at the convenient store nearby and then an afternoon shift at Shimada mart. 

<b> tsukki <3: </b> is ur heat over?

<b> Tadashi: </b> mostly but ill be working tmro, keep taking notes tsukki!

He’s been leeching on Tsukki a lot actually, from notes to food.

<b> Tadashi: </b> u wanna practise volleyball with me tmro? ill teach u the jump float serve

<b> teruteru <3: </b>  YESSSS

He takes the rare opportunity to cook himself and his mum a meal. She usually leaves in the late afternoon for work and arrives in the wee hours of the morning. But the upside to those working hours was that Tadashi got to spend time with her during the day. If she had the typical working hours, the both of them would be too tired to talk.

He just makes omelette rice. It’s simple and he’s still worn out from his heat. After dinner, he studies the school work he had missed. He knows Yuuji isn’t looking for a serious relationship but he can’t get past the what if. But he knows that's unfair to Yuuji since he still likes Tsukki. Tsukki with his golden hair and golden eyes and kind words reserved only for Tadashi, makes him feel special. They’ve been friends for years, Tsukki knows him like the back of his hand. It’s comfortable and he knows Tsukki will always be there for him but with Yuuji it’s different. It’s new and exciting and so great to finally be with someone who would do something about their feelings instead of just having Tadashi on the hook. But, part of him can’t shake the fact that somehow, deep inside him, he feels like he’s cheating on Tsukki. It’s ridiculous, really. 

He’s just lucky his omega hadn’t decided that Tsukki was his alpha. Then, he would have been in a world of suffering by constantly pining. Actually, Tadashi does pine. He just knows he deserves better than that. In fact, he thinks his omega likes Yuuji more. That whore. Why else would his heat start early?

(He knows he’s calling himself a whore, shut up.)

The next day, work goes by slowly. So few people come in so Tadashi gets to play on his phone and text Yachi. He knows, knows, that Yachi has been dying to hear about his date. The only reason she hadn’t called was because she thought he was still in his heat. He calls her during lunch. He tells her all about how he’d been so respectful despite his heat starting early. Respectful alphas were so hard to come by. God. Yachi gushes how if he doesn’t end up being with Yuuji, he better give Yachi, Yuuji’s number. Pffttt. He’s excited to see Yuuji later. 

His shift finally finishes, and he heads home to change into a t-shirt and gym shorts before meeting Yuuji. He’s in and out before he knows it. When he gets to the court, Yuuji is already there. Wearing a tank top again. Show off, he knows he looks good in tank tops doesn’t he?

“Yuuji.”

“Dashi.” He smiles, the instant he looks at Tadashi. He’s so cute. They play one on one volleyball for a while before he teaches Yuuji how to do the jump float serve. 

By the time they're done, Tadashi is soaked in sweat. They are sitting next to each other, taking sips of water and Yuuji just seems to glisten under the yellow street lights. 

“You know, I never did thank you properly the other day.” Yuuji’s eyebrows quirk upwards, smiles growing wider.

“Oh? How would you like to thank me?” He brings his face closer to Tadashi’s.

“Why don’t you come back to my place and find out?” He whispers into Yuuji’s ear. Immediately  Yuuji takes the opportunity to bite his neck. What was with him and Tadashi’s neck?

“Not here, Yuu-” He licks Tadashi’s scent glands before stopping.

They get up and Yuuji looks like the cat that got the cream.

They get on his bike and Tadashi manages to persuade him to forego the helmet. His place is only a few minutes away anyway.

He loves how the wind runs through his hair and he loves how he gets to hold Yuuji, basically feeling him up. He hooks his head on the side of Yuuji’s neck, getting a full blast of Yuuji’s pheromones. It’s heady and lustful, he’s clearly horny. Though Tadashi doubts he himself smells any different.

They get there in record time. Tadashi doesn’t know how they make it up to his room.

Yuuji is aggressive as usual but Tadashi stops him.

“It’s my treat, Yuuji. You can just enjoy.”  Yuuji sits on the edge of his bed and Tadashi unzips his pants, pulling off his boxers. He begins by licking the dick from the base to the tip, taking his time to go slow, just to tease Yuuji. He then licks the tip repeatedly and hears Yuuji groan.

“Faster,” He moans. His hand grabs onto Tadashi’s hair, pushing his head forward. Tadashi swallows his dick whole. Head bobbing as Yuuji pants. Precum begins dripping from it and Tadashi laps it up, tongue swirling around the dick.

“No... you don’t have to,” Yuuji breathes out. Tadashi ignores him, moving faster and swallowing the cum when Yuuji comes. 

Yuuji looks at him through hooded eyes and says, “Now it’s my turn to treat you.” He picks up Tadashi from the floor, placing him on the bed. And as usual, he begins by biting at Tadashi’s neck who was beginning to think that the alpha had a thing for Tadashi’s neck. Frickin’ vampire.

He begins to unzip Tadashi’s pants and he has the realisation that he doesn’t want this, not yet anyway. 

“No, Yuuji, stop.” And immediately, Yuuji stops and lets Tadashi sit up.

“I’m sorry, I thought I wanted it but I don't. Not yet, anyway.” He plays with his hands not looking directly at Yuuji.

“You don’t have to apologise, as long as we are both comfortable. You wanna cuddle?”

And that’s how Tadashi ends up in Yuuji’s arms, although he’s taller and once again, Yuuji is nosing at Tadashi’s neck.

“What’s with you and my neck? You’re like a vampire.” 

“I just love how you smell, it’s sexy. You mind if I scentmark you? ” 

“No, go ahead.” And, Yuuji rubs his scent glands all over his neck and head and face. Possessive much?

“I know we said we won’t get too serious but I like you and I don’t want other alphas after you.”

“I like you too, Yuuji. Besides, there’s no one after plain old me.”

“What about blondie, you still like him, don’t you?” Tadashi stiffens.

“Yea maybe but I’m here with you not him, that counts for something right?” He hears Yuuji sigh, he feels sorry. He hasn’t completely moved on from Tsukki. Not yet, anyway.

“You wanna stay the night? It’s too dark for you to be driving out there… But you might have to deal with my mum in the morning.”

“I’ll stay, I get to hold a pretty thing all night anyway.”

When Tadashi wakes up the next morning, Yuuji isn’t in bed. But then, he hears laughter coming from downstairs. No, this is bad.

When he walks down after washing up, both Yuuji and his mom are laughing together.

“Mommmmm.” God, she had probably spilled all of his secrets already.

“Tadashi! You didn’t tell me that Terushima was so charming.” He narrows his eyes at her, shouldn’t she be asleep?

“I’m just heating up leftovers for the both of you and then I’ll go, I promise.” And to his horror, Tadashi finds a photo album of his baby pictures on the table. Nooooo.

“Mom, why’d you show this? I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be, you looked very cute.” He punches Yuuji on the arm.

“Of course, you’re going to say that now and tease me about it later.”

“I won’t, I promise. I promise.” He says between laughter. God, he’ll never recover from the teasing will he?

True to her word, his mother disappears and they both sit down for breakfast.

“I’m sorry about my mum.”

“Hey, why are you saying that? She was really nice.”

 They talk about nothing important, mainly volleyball during breakfast and also about how Yuuji was in the college prep class? What a contrast to his punk vibes.

Yuuji prepares to leave after breakfast, and Tadashi hands him back the sheer shirt he had lent for his heat.

“Yuuji, can I scent mark you?” Yuuji’s eyes light up, grin bright as the sun.

“You don’t even have to ask.”

“You sure it’s not going to affect the fake punk image you have going on? To smell like an omega?”

“It’s not fake, I am a punk!”

“A punk who is in college prep class.” 

Tadashi stands in front of Yuuji who stands ever so still, waiting. He doesn’t move as Tadashi rubs his glands on the alpha’s face and neck.

“Done! Goodbye, Yuuji.”

“What? I don’t get a goodbye kiss?”

Tadashi shakes his head, he’s so stupid, and pulls Yuuji in for a kiss. Their lips part and Yuuji steps away.

“I’ll get going then.” 

Tadashi holds onto his arm, “Do you have to?”, and pulls him into another kiss.

“I have to, I told my sister I’d help her with her homework.”

“Aww, the punk who wears leather and rides a motorbike helps his sister with her homework.”

“Hey! Besides, if I wasn’t leaving you wouldn’t kiss me so much.”

“One last kiss.” 

Just then, there’s a knock on the door. It’s too early for deliveries, Tadashi thinks as Yuuji opens the door.

It’s Tsukki.

[lavendersoft]

Until I met you.

-Street fighter!Jimin x Reader

1/?

Synopsis: While on a date for their 2nd anniversary, Jimin loses Yoongi while being attacked in an alleyway by a robber. Yoongi sacrificed himself for his lover and Jimin could never forgive himself for not being able to do the same. The survivor’s guilt ate away at him over the months and it definitely didn’t help that he saw Yoongi’s face everywhere. In mirrors, dreams, large crowds, on trains, and even when he closed his eyes. Although, Jimin found a way to cope. He began a rigorous training schedule. Boxing, self-defense classes, Tae Kwon Do, he even started street fighting and got caught up with bad people. Anything and everything. His hands would bleed, his muscles would ache, his bones would break. Jimin was offered multiple full scholarships to prestigious martial arts schools for his talent, all of which Jimin turned down. He didn’t want to make a career out of this, he just didn’t want to be haunted by his dead fiancé. The only time Yoongi won’t haunt every moment of Jimin’s life was when he’s training, as if Yoongi is saying “I won’t rest, nor will I let you rest, until you’re stronger.” Jimin will never lose anyone that he loves again.

Everything felt like a downward spiral,

until he met you.

Warnings: (There’s a lot- and it’s kinda dark, be warned) PTSD, implied schizophrenia (sorta? take that with a grain of salt), PTSD induced delusions/hallucinations, depression, paranoia, night terrors, character death, major angst, unhealthy coping mechanisms, masochism(?), alcoholism, minor gore, mention of drug abuse, mention of blood, mention of asylums, profanity, Jimin goes through one hell of a mental breakdown.

Author’s notes: super slow burn :/ basically, in which jimin copes with the traumatic incident of his fiancé’s brutal murder by street fighting. this story isn’t yandere but has dark themes.

The air was lifted right out of Jimin’s lungs. Tears were flowing freely, his hands were stained red, he couldn’t even see the golden engagement ring through the thick blood. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his own sobs and heartbreak.

“Please... please stay awake. They’re coming, okay? Help’s coming. Just look at me. Look at me, please.”

He’d remembered somewhere that you were supposed to put pressure on wounds this big to stop the bleeding. If only his hands could stop shaking.

Yoongi had stopped responding about two minutes prior to this but Jimin refused to accept his fate. His last words replaying in Jimin’s mind like a mantra.

“Survive. Please, live. I love you.”

Two wallets.

Two fucking wallets with about 150,000 won split between them.

That’s how much his fiancé was murdered for.

Jimin jerks awake in a cold sweat. His bruised fist clamped around his bedsheets, heart rate much higher than it should be. He rises out of the creaking bed to stretch his overly tense muscles.

He can still feel the weight of his deceased boyfriend’s limp body in his arms.

Every day starts like this.

Every morning he’s pulled from the same reoccurring nightmare, then he starts his cold shower.

He can’t even take warm showers anymore, remembering how hot Yoongi insisted on keeping the water temperature when they showered together.

It’s been nine months.

Nine months, two weeks and four days since he lost the love of his life forever.

He hasn’t even taken off the engagement ring. It’s as if it’s glued to his finger now, his hand feels empty without it.

Jimin avoids looking in the mirror at all costs. In fact, he’s gotten rid of most of them in his home. The ones he couldn’t get rid of, he smashed with his bare hands in a fit of rage. The scars on his hands are proof.

How could he look at himself knowing how weak he was?

He scoffs.

Back then... how could I bare to tolerate myself back then? I was so flimsy and weak. Could barely open a fucking jar by myself. Absolutely pathetic.

Jimin’s heart has gotten callous. He is easily provoked and irrational. The takes unnecessary risks and is impulsive.

His therapist said it was “self-sabotage” or something.

Just two weeks ago, Jimin bleached his hair a striking blond, almost white- which burned most of his scalp- just because. And before that, on the nine-month anniversary of his lover’s passing, he went to get a tattoo on a whim. Just because he felt like it. He drinks alcohol for breakfast and has recently taken up smoking. The smell of cigarettes remind him of Yoongi, who also used to smoke.

Jimin liked pain. It was invigorating. He likes feeling things. Feeling has become a rarity, a privilege, a novelty.

Although irritable and easily angered, Jimin is not an unkind person. He gives to charity and volunteers at animal shelters. These things have also made him feel again, because he can feel Yoongi there, the real Yoongi. Yoongi was a huge advocate for human kindness. He used to say it was never justifiable to be a hateful person for no reason at all.

Jimin clings to this principal.

But it’s hard. It’s so hard to act happy when he’s so broken inside. He almost wishes he could just-

“Don’t you dare use me as an excuse to be a miserable person.” Yoongi’s voice rings out from behind him. Jimin screws his eyes shut and covers his ears.

“Go away.”

This person- this being- wasn’t Yoongi, that much he knew. If anything, it was a demon. A poltergeist that feeds off Jimin’s suffering. Yoongi would never do that.

This is why everyone around Jimin thinks he’s the sweetest, loveliest, most endearing man they’ve ever met. If only they knew about the unyielding hellfire that burns his very core.

“Good morning, Mrs. Jeon!” Jimin’s sweet voice cuts through the morning air.

He was on his way to his best friend Jungkook’s house to meet before Tae Kwon Do training. The Jeon family owns a martial arts studio and they’ve been training together for months now.

“Oh, good morning Jimin! How are you today?” The nice woman is always so cheerful, Jimin respects that.

“I’m wonderful, thank you. Have you heard from Jungkook? He’s supposed to meet me here.” Jimin hurry’s to catch up with the woman in front of him and takes her groceries off of her arms to carry.

“Yes, actually. He was running a tad late this morning since his class ended late. He should be here soon. Would you mind bringing those up for me?” She gestured to the apartment right above the studio, where the family lives.

“Not at all.”

When Jungkook finally arrives, he brings with him thirty-two excuses as to why he was late.

“I lost my phone.”

“My car ran out of gas.”

“My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Jimin chuckles as he suits up his training gear.

“Dude, if all of those things are true, you really need to get your life together.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Jimin’s heart stops when the cold, low growl sounds from behind him again.

“You’re far from qualified to be giving life advice.”

Jimin hides his frown when the oblivious Jungkook punches him on the shoulder playfully.

“Haha! Shut up, dude! Let’s go.” He chides, padding off to the ring.

Jimin’s falters a bit behind, throwing a quick but cautious glance at the bloody image of Yoongi that glares back at him.

“Pathetic.”

“Seriously, dude! You’re way too talented at this to not make some money off of it.”

Jungkook’s been trying to get Jimin to take the scholarship he was offered by a scout that visited their studio not too long ago.

“I don’t know, man. This was just supposed to be a hobby remember?”

Jimin knew better. This was much more than a hobby. It was his anchor. It was his stress reliever. It was keeping him sane.

“Come on. We both know better than that. I see the way your face changes to stone when you fight. You have something. Something real. You could make it in the business!”

“You sound like a mafia boss.”

Jimin smiles as he eats the last of his ramen.

“Ya. I’m serious. If not a professional fighter then at least a coach. I mean, I’m doing it because I wanna be a cop but,” Jungkook sips from his energy drink. “Do you really just want to be a dancer?”

Jimin sighs. Yes. That was his dream before everything happened. He still clings to the idea. Before nine months ago, the idea had seemed just within reach. He’d applied for so many dance and art schools, even getting into a couple.

But after everything, he’d given up. He stopped dancing. He hates music. Even if he tried, his skills wouldn’t be anywhere near the place they were.

He’d totally abandoned his dream.

“Yes. I do.” He lies.

Jungkook shrugs, “Well, if anything, it’s made you a better fighter. Your moves are so fluid, it’s amazing.”

“Careful, you’re getting a crush.” Jimin jabs at him with a chopstick.

“Ugh. Please,” the younger rolls his eyes, “like I could ever. Plus, my girlfriend probably wouldn’t like that very much.”

“Oh? I thought you two ‘broke up’, no?”

“Nah. I love her too much.” Jimin finds it cute that Jungkook actually loves his girlfriend. Before, he was a player, only using girls for sex or free food.

“Don’t use girls like toys, Jungkook.” Yoongi would always keep Jungkook in place when he broke another heart.

“Well, this ones on you. Since you lost. Again.” Jimin’s giggle makes Jungkook pout.

“One of these days, I’m gonna beat you, Park Jimin.” Jungkook pouts.

“One of these days.” Jimin reiterates.

Jimin says goodbye to his friend and pushes through the restaurant door. He misses the worried look Jungkook gives him when he turns his back.

The raindrops hit the top of the hood of Jimin’s jacket as he walks down the busy street. He hates being too alone these days. Jungkook really helps keep Jimin grounded, he’s one of the only people that don’t totally annoy him now. He reminds Jimin of all the times Yoongi, Jungkook, Tae, Namjoon, Jin, Hoseok, and himself would hang out as teens and young adults. Just fooling around without any worry. No cares or responsibilities, young love, parties. That was their lives.

Until nine months ago.

The grief of losing one of the group was detrimental. It seemed like no one was recovering properly, except maybe Jungkook. That’s why Jimin cohered himself to Jungkook, he seemed to be the most stable out of them all.

Namjoon and Tae both landed themselves in jail on multiple occasions for a plethora of reasons.

Hoseok checked himself into a mental asylum for a while. Last Jimin heard, he was abusing drugs of some sort.

And Jin moved across the country, said he wanted to start fresh. But really, he was just doing what Jin did best- running away.

None of them kept contact, except for Jungkook.

The entire carefree, wild group of friends had dissipated into nothing.

He feels his eyebrows furrow into a stern look.

They all left.

They all left.

“They all left you.” His jaw clenches at the familiar, yet slightly inhuman voice. “They never cared about you. And Jungkook will leave you one day, too. No one is forever.”

Jimin’s turns down an alleyway and stops about halfway through, tears gathered in his eyes.

“No one is forever, but at least they keep moving forward. You’re just stuck.”

Yeah, Jimin truly hates being alone.

The not-so-subtle red neon sign flickers with the bright name of the “club.”

The large metal door makes a shallow sound when Jimin’s taps on it three times. A man wearing all black with sunglasses answers, “Passwo- oh, Jimin-ah. Come on in.”

Jimin nods once to the tall bodyguard as he passes him. The man towers over Jimin in height but the energy around the two doesn’t match. The man takes a small, nervous step back when Jimin starts forward.

Jimin hates how skittish everyone is in this little hole in the wall.

The biggest underground fighting ring in Korea was right next door to Jimin’s apartment, who would have thought. How convenient.

Heads bow as he passes. No one makes eye contact. Some mumble respectful greetings while putting honorifics next to his name, no matter what age or status they have.

He’s basically a king here.

But he doesn’t want the throne.

Jimin’s peers into the crowd and sure enough, sights his dead lover. He just wants this damn demon to leave him alone.

Yoongi never bothers him while he’s fighting or training. It’s like he goes dormant or something. That’s why Jimin keeps doing it. Well, that and because he wants to be strong. Stronger than he’s ever been.

And he is. He’s undefeated in this hellhole. He sort of blanks out when he fights anyone that’s not Jungkook. That’s how he earned the appropriate nickname “Demon”, for good reason. He’s heard from others that’s he’s terrifying when he’s in the ring. Although no one but his manager and couple other higher-ups dare to call him that, and he barely even tolerates that.

The last newcomer that called him that learned through a crushed windpipe to not.

He only does this to pay the bills. Everyone here knows that. It pisses some people off. For some, this was their entire life, what they were raised to do. Born to be fighting machines.

So, naturally, some don’t like Jimin. Especially those who he’s fought and won against. But Jimin couldn’t care less about what these people think about him.

“Manager-nim,” Jimin addresses an older man, somewhere in his forties, “I need you to schedule another Gold for me.”

See, the underground business is one built on ranking.

In the underground street fighting business, fights were categorized by prize earning and rank of the fighters. Gold rank fights could only be scheduled by- and usually for- the highest members, the Elites. The grand prize for a win was seven hundred million won. Only the greatest of the greatest won the prize and thus, earning an elite status (if not an elite already).

Jimin’s won it twice.

“Ya, getting pretty greedy now, are we? You just won it a couple months ago, Kid. Where’d that money go?”

“It’s gone.”

The suited man scoffs, “You need a better budgeting plan, Demon.” Jimin fights the urge to uppercut him.

“Can you do it or not?” Jimin’s patience is already wearing thin and he’s been here for a whole five minutes.

“You know, contrary to what you might believe, I’m not a money machine. The money you win when you fight comes from somewhere. Not only that, I’m not the only Elite that gets to decide. We take a vote.”

“Well vote.”

“Aish.” He growls, “You’re something else. People here are gonna start to think I favor you, and that’s dangerous for the both of us.” He pauses to look Jimin in the eyes, “You know, you have all of the qualifications to make the Elite status. Why don't you do the initiation-”

“Let me know when you have an answer.” Jimin’s made his feelings on the subject clear already. He has no intention of making this a permanent thing. This isn't a lifestyle, this isn't his job. It’s just a way to relieve his stress and make some cash.

With that, Jimin takes his leave, disappearing into the same direction from which he came. He’s truly a mysterious phenomenon.

Jungkook: hey do u wanna meet me and Jiyoo tonight for dinner?

Jimin peers down at his phone in confusion.

Jimin: uh third-wheeling really isn’t my thing lol

Jungkook: no, no we have someone we want you to meet. she’s Jiyoo’s sister and she’s just come home from college.

Jimin groans. This isn’t the first time Jungkook’s tried to set him up since Yoongi passed. He appreciates the sentiment but Jimin doesn’t think he’ll ever love someone like that again. It’s too much to ask for.

Jimin: idk man i’m pretty tired from training today. i think i’m gonna pass.

Jungkook: pretty please?

Ugh.

Jimin shoves a pillow over his face in frustration. He’s never been able to tell the kid no. And besides that- Jimin can feel the beady eyes of the shadowy figure in the corner. No, he doesn’t really want to stay here.

Jimin: fine.

—

The restaurant is filled with all sorts of people. From children to the elderly. Jimin gazes from person to person trying to decipher what kind of person they are. He tries to hinder the negative thoughts from entering his mind about them. 

Jungkook’s always late. Always. When Jungkook says “5:30” he really means “6:00.” You’d think after almost a decade of knowing the kid, Jimin would learn.

He fidgets with the sleeves of his sweater. Why was he so nervous all of a sudden? Was it because these blind dates never end well? He thinks back to the last blind date Jungkook had set him up with.

Jimin shudders.

He can still hear the innocent girl’s cries as she fled his apartment, heartbroken.

He’s pulled from his thoughts as an arm slings around his shoulder, “Hey, man.”

Jungkook’s bright smile beams at him.

“Hey. Hi, Jiyoo.” He greets the couple as they take their seats.

“Hey, Jiminie.” Jungkook’s girlfriend was super cute, he’ll give her that.

“So..?” He’s confused time see that they came alone.

“Oh, she’s coming. My little sister is always a little late.”

Later than you both?

Jimin stops himself from the bitterness that threatens to erupt again. Not tonight. He’s going to try to be on his best behavior for his friend’s sake.

He’ll save all those pent up emotions for the fight he has scheduled tomorrow.

He vaguely registers the figure that makes its way into his peripheral vision, although he pays it no mind at first.

“Oh, Y/n! It’s good to see you again.” Jungkook seems a bit overly excited. What’s all the fuss about? It’s not like-

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, so she’s, like, really pretty. So what?

“Hi, Jungkook. Nice to see you. Jiyoo!” The girl walks over to embrace her sister tightly, “Oh my God, it feels like it’s been forever.”

After they take their greetings, the woman sits down across from Jimin.

“Hello, you must be Jimin. Jungkook’s told me so much about you. I’m Y/n.”

Okay, so she has the voice of an angel, big deal.

“Um, hi- yeah, I’m Jimin.” He reaches out to take the hand she offers.

“So, Y/n’s a dancer,” Jungkook starts when the food is placed in front of them, “and she’s really good.”

“Not that good.” She blushes.

“Don’t be modest, Y/n. She’s going to a really prestigious dance school on a full scholarship!” Her sister beams.

“Oh? Which one?” Jimin presses. It’s not like he’s interested or anything. Definitely not.

“Global. Global Dance Studio.” She answers.

“Ah. I heard they were good.” Jimin knows more than he let on. That was literally his dream school.

“Yeah, but strict. The training is brutal.” She emphasizes. He knows, he had to go through the same treatment. He hates that he feels a pang of jealousy and resentment towards this person he’s just met.

“I’ve heard.” He finishes as he takes the first bite of his food.

The rest of the hour-long dinner was pretty boring, with Jiyoo and Jungkook mostly taking ahold of the conversation. Although, Jimin will admit that he couldn’t stop glancing back at the beautiful girl across from him.

And he won’t pretend that he didn’t notice her treating him the same.

He was charming and kind, as usual, but he remained on the quiet side of the conversation. Jimin knew that Jungkook could tell he wasn’t being quite as flirty as he usually is with setups like this, from the way that the younger kept trying to tie Jimin in the chit chat.

Jimin stays subtle for the rest of the date.

When the group says their goodbyes, his eyes linger on hers for longer than the rest.

“It was nice to meet you, Y/n.”

“Likewise.” She grins and Jimin feels his heart stop.

And then he leaves. Really, really fast.

That’s not good.

—

[touchmycoat]

Also: 16, 24, and 29 if you're still taking those ask memes, bc I didn't see it earlier!

HELLO MY LOVE

16. What is your best piece of advice for writing angst scenes?

oh shit that’s a good question.

Two ways I do it: concrete imagery & airy but high-impact lines

Concrete imagery: angsty feeling on its own is abstract at best, cliché at worst. i mean, whatever, i don’t think the stakes are actually that high, but in an effort to avoid clichés that don’t bring much to the party (e.g. “he felt his heart break”), i like having a conceit, and following it throughout the scene. Bonus points if this is a metaphor that’s existed in a happy/empowering context before. One person’s compared himself to the earth and his lover to water? Hit me with that drought imagery then. Someone’s been compared to snow? Go to melting, or go to a blizzard, or go to the realization it’s actually ashes.

but! let me hit you with a pseudo-counterexample too. one of the most OOF JESUS CHRIST lines for me from Angels in America is when Harper, in the shared dream with Prior, says, “I have to go. Something just… broke.” It’s such a powerful way of subverting the cliche of a “heartbreak,” and it really stuck with me. By being deliberately vague about what was broken and by changing the expected tense, Tony Kushner made a cliche-thus-abstracted concept concrete, and fucking devastated me.

(goddamn i wish i could find the clip from the HBO series but ;;;)

Airy but high-impact: you know what I’m talking about—when authors go scant on emotional descriptions, but the entire scene is skimming the surface of a fucking ocean of angst, and you feel like they’re sparing you the grief by not giving you too many details, and then at the very end there’s one fucking sentence that fucking WRECKS you and then all you taste is salt ‘cause that motherfucking ocean was your own tears the entire time. you know what i’m talking about. do that.

Nonymos’ “War, Children” (Stucky, Rated E) is what came to mind as a quintessential example

24. How do you balance your characters when there are only a two or three in a story?

you gotta ksdjfnksd. i have never put words to this problem until this question so this is great

i think you just gotta remember every character is a full character, even if your POV is limited. when crafting a scene, i’m a big fan of making sure EVERY character gets an internal world, even if that world is never manifested in the fic beyond a few details, and every character gets to make a choice in the narrative. Otherwise, they’re literally just there as props for your main character. Which is fine for minor-minor characters, but then you end up with a very lonesome main character. Worse, if you’re writing a romance, you don’t get the full roundness of their relationship.

29. How do you plot your stories?

CLOWN EMOJI CLOWN EMOJI CLOWN EMOJI CLOWN EMOJI I DON’T

I PLAY NOBODY BUT MYSELF

okay but genuinely here’s how plotting goes with me:

1) consume content2) oh shit oh shit oh shit i got a fic idea3) holds my breath and cranks out as much as possible in the shortest amount of time because–4) loses attention span around day 45) fuck i want to finish this but now I have to apply DISCIPLINE UGH6) doesn’t know how to apply discipline7) struggles and whines8) throws it at friends and begs them to tell me what’s wrong with it9) worships at feedback’s feet10) comes back 10 months later like “oh shit i wrote that? it ain’t half bad”

((author asks))

[hellreads]

Chapters: 5/? Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Original Female Character(s), Park Jimin (BTS)/Original Female Character(s), Park Jimin (BTS)/Reader, Kim Namjoon | RM/Reader, Kim Namjoon | RM & Reader, Park Jimin (BTS) & Reader Characters: Kim Namjoon | RM, Park Jimin (BTS), Min Yoongi | Suga, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon Jungkook, Kim Seokjin | Jin, Reader, Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Smut, Fluff and Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending, Angst and Tragedy, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Romance, Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe, Fluff

Summary:

You had everything you thought you could ever want or need. You loved every moment of your life, your career, family, friends and most of all the light of your life your husband, Namjoon.

Until a reckless mistake sealed your fate.

Going through the motions of loss; the riptide of grief takes you and is pulling at your seams. Can you move forward and find happiness once again?

“I love you Ava, you are my world, you make up all of the brightest stars in my constellation.”

first of all, I don’t think I have read anything with this pairing a Namjoon x OC/Reader x Jimin story so I was delighted as soon as I saw the relationships info on ao3, the only confusing thing for me was immersing into a named reader (y’all know I’m all for immersion) because it’s always strictly second person pov/y/n or third person pov/named oc that I’m used to but after a while, I got used to it and enjoyed reading the story.

[SPOILERS AHEAD - very minimal since this is an on-going story.]

this is a very interesting story, I thought it would be easy to predict what happens next but I’m actually having a hard time thinking of all the possibilities since this is an on-going story, starting off with Namjoon and Ava talking about constellations, a secret the adorable husband can’t keep, the things they’d do once they get to Australia, the veil of love and lust consuming them because they were so happy sigh honestly I heard my heart shattered when Joon said the name Ava because I thought he was cheating but turns out it was a named reader, I had to pause and re-read over and over because again this was something new to me after accepting and immersing into the story with a different name it actually had my heart fluttering once again recalling their unspoken words, their conversation in the car, the way they show their love through actions and words were beautiful until everything came crashing down, that’s when I finally realized that this will indeed be tragic as stated on the tags.

the flashbacks are very important in establishing how the couple met and how they were as lovers before getting married, this is also where we finally meet every other character that adds life to the story from Min who is very charming and knows what she wants, ugh I utterly adore her cute story with Taehyung, it really is true that when two people are meant to be together they’ll find a way back to each other, Taehyung (or Min’s boyfriend) is taking up media studies with Jungkook, Seokjin, of course, the handsome chaebol who has everything one could wish for, Yoongi and Hoseok, or the lovers who have different personalities but still bring out the best in each other and Jimin the professional dancer who made Ava realize her that she still has passion for dancing. honestly, I’m still clueless on how Jimin will enter the picture will he remain as a friend with unrequited feelings (we still haven’t established tho how he truly feels for Ava), will something blossom between him and Ava while they spend more time with each other, will he enter the picture during the present day where she will need her friends to support her now that Namjoon is most probably in critical condition (not to mention we still don’t know whether or not she is pregnant), I like that there are so many possibilities and with the transition from present to past to present makes me lose my mind in a good way because it makes the story worth investing time in.

I am looking forward to the future chapters of this story, I love how my heart has been played with way too many times from the named reader to the tragic accident, the flashbacks etc., the characterization is lovely and I wanna get to know them more, the details of the story, it’s one of the things I like about your writing (A++ to the smutty parts of the story because ngl I live for dom!Namjoon, well-written *standing ovation with flying kisses*) the air of mystery in every chapter because I wanna know what happened to them but I’m scared like what if Namjoon ends up in a coma or what if he suffers from amnesia? what if Ava is really pregnant? what if she gets devastated from whatever condition Namjoon is in and her vulnerability gets used against her but I doubt that scratching that idea rn~ but that’s just me and my imagination trying to appease my restless self while I wait for the next chapters.

anyways, thank you @kathkeatz-blog​ for sharing your story with us, these are my thoughts as a reader, I hope more people get to read your Then There Was You so they’d understand my excitement for the future of this story! | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒 

[mdelpin]

I Take Pride In What I Am 2019 Prompt: “Been Meaning to Say Hi” Pairing: Gray x Natsu, Cana & Loke & Gray

Natsu had been in a funk all day. He couldn’t help it. Today was the anniversary of the day Igneel had abandoned him, leaving him to wake up in a field alone and lost. With no idea what to do or where to go. He’d stayed on that field for days, letting the rain pour over him until Makarov had found him and offered him a home.

Ever since then, that day had become difficult for him. During the rest of the year, he was able to keep most of his negative feelings at bay. But on this day without exception, he felt bewildered by his loss, and it was just too much.

He used to take solo missions to have an excuse to leave Magnolia for the day, but quite often they ended in disaster and after he'd almost gotten himself kidnapped Gramps had forbidden him from going out on his own on this day.

Usually, he would just hole up in his house, thinking about Igneel until he made himself cry. Happy knew to leave him alone, and Mira would bring him food and leave it on his doorstep, usually with a sweet note.

This year for some reason, the thought of being alone didn’t appeal to him. He wanted to be around people, even if he wasn’t feeling particularly social. So he decided to go to the guild, despite knowing it was probably not a great idea.

Natsu opened the doors quietly, nothing like his usual entrance, so no one noticed his arrival. Most of his friends weren’t there, they’d probably gone out on jobs knowing better than to ask him to come along.

He trudged over to the bar, making the snap decision to drink the day away. It's not something he ever did, and he had no idea if he could even get drunk. His elevated body temperature burned through both alcohol and poisons quickly, it was a side effect of his Fire Dragon Slayer magic. But maybe if he drank consistently, he could manage it.

He drank glass after glass of fire whiskey, ignoring the concerned looks he was getting from both Mira and Cana.

“Slow down, Natsu,” Mira chastised, “You’re not used to drinking like this, you’re going to make yourself sick.”

"I'll watch him," Somehow without him realizing it, Gray had sat next to him, "Give me one of whatever he's drinking."

“I don’t need you to- to,” Natsu stared at Gray trying to remember what he was trying to say as Gray watched him, eyebrow raised in amusement. “Babysit, yeah that’s it!” He said proudly.

“Never said I was,” Gray replied, “I’ve never seen you drink this much before, I thought it might be amusing.” He took a swig from the drink that Mira had put in front of him.

"Ugh, this tastes awful, how do you drink this shit?" Gray turned to Mira, "Vodka, and keep them coming, please."

Mira pursed her lips, unhappy at the idea of having both Natsu and Gray drunk in the guild but she nodded.

“I like it,” Natsu shrugged, “It feels warm in my belly.”

"So how come you're drinking anyway?" Gray was studying him intently, and it made Natsu feel uncomfortable. He could see the concern in the deep blue eyes, and it freed something inside him, a feeling he wasn't familiar with. It confused him, and he broke the gaze before Gray could notice.

“July 7th.”

"Oh shit, I'm sorry! Is it that day already?" Gray's shoulders slumped, and he looked sad, and that helped soothe away some of Natsu's hurt.

“It’s fine, I don’t expect anyone to remember,” Natsu looked down at the bar trying to figure out why Gray was affecting him so strangely today.

“Uhm, do you want to talk about it or something?”

Natsu shook his head, talking was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. “Drink with me?”

Gray grabbed his cup and raised it, “To Igneel.”

Natsu allowed him to clink it against his own glass as he repeated the toast, “To Igneel.”

They spent hours drinking glass after glass, and soon they started to talk as the alcohol loosened their tongues. Cana and Mira tried to keep a subtle watch over the two volatile mages, but so far they were getting along.

Currently Gray had gotten Natsu to tell him stories about his time with Igneel, and they were both laughing hysterically slamming the palms of their hands on the bar. Gray managed to slip off his stool, and Natsu almost lost it.

He knew Gray was much drunker than him, but he liked seeing the usually distant mage loosen up, it allowed him to observe him without Gray realizing it.

He started doubling down on his drinks, wanting to enjoy this feeling of closeness and peace. He was having a great time!

xxx

Two hours later

"Why did he leave me behind?" Natsu was having trouble putting his words together, and Gray thought he looked like he was about to cry.

Hearing Natsu's words was painful, they were an echo to the words that he often thought regarding his own parents and Ur. He hadn't expected to be this affected, but Natsu had never reached out to anyone on this day before, and it ignited some of the feelings that Gray had been struggling with for the last few months.

He knew it was just a coincidence that he'd happened to show up when he had, but Gray was glad that he'd gotten to see this vulnerable side of Natsu, without the aggression that would typically accompany it.

"Was I not enough?" There was no hiding the tears this time, and Gray just wanted to convince him that he was more than enough. That Igneel's disappearance couldn't possibly have been his fault because if there was one thing that resounded in every one of Natsu's stories, it was the love the fire dragon held for his human son.

“You were more than enough,” Gray tried to assure him.

“Then why did he leave me?” Natsu gazed at him, eyes begging him for an answer.

Gray wished he had an answer that would give Natsu the peace he craved, but he was too drunk to come up with anything. All he had were the feelings that had been raging inside him, and before he even realized what he was doing, he was leaning his face closer to Natsu's until their foreheads were touching.

Gray could hear Mira and Cana cooing over them, but he ignored them, focusing only on soothing away Natsu's hurt. It was all he'd planned to do, but once he felt Natsu cradle his head on his shoulder and snuggle into him instead of pushing him away, he stopped thinking. He rubbed Natsu's back in gentle circles.

When Natsu finally moved away to stare at Gray in wonder, there was something in his eyes Gray had never seen before, and like a magnet drawn to its opposite, he felt a pull towards Natsu. He licked his lips before pressing them against Natsu's slightly chapped ones. He could feel Natsu responding weakly before pushing him away, hard.

“What are you doing?” Natsu yelled as he wiped his hand across his lips.

Gray’s thoughts fought with each other for control, but no explanation was forthcoming. He was horrified that he’d taken advantage of Natsu’s grief to throw himself at him.

"Why did you do that?" Natsu demanded again, and by now, everyone in the guild was staring at them open-mouthed.

How could he lie after he’d already done such a horrible thing? He braced himself for the violence that was sure to ensue and answered honestly, “B-because I’m in love with you.”

Natsu stared at him with a guarded expression, but he didn't say a word, just turned and ran out of the guild.

"Natsu!" Gray yelled after him, but he knew better than to follow. He'd fucked up, and now he would have to give Natsu time to figure out how to deal with him.“I’m sorry,” Gray whispered.  

“Well, that was one way of telling him,” Cana sat next to him.

"It's not funny," Gray snapped, hiding behind his bangs as best he could as he tried to ignore his guildmate's commentary on what had just happened.

“I know, honey” Cana cradled him against her while he felt a presence he recognized sit next to them.

“Where did you come from?” Gray muttered in annoyance.

"Oh you know, here and there," Loke replied vaguely, "I'd been meaning to say hi, so I dropped in. Looks like I picked a good time too." He gave Cana a questioning look as he took in Gray's misery.

“He finally confessed to Natsu,” Cana said it quietly but Gray could still hear the amusement in her voice.

“Damn it, I missed it!” Loke whined before asking eagerly, “Did Natsu punch him?”

“I fucking hate you guys,” Gray complained, moving away from Cana and banging his head on the bar.

Loke chuckled before grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up. “Come on lover boy, let’s get you out of here. Cana, you coming?”

“Yeah, might as well.”

Loke led them to Gray’s apartment where they could talk in relative privacy.

To be continued...

A/N: I didn’t like either of today’s prompts so I did another one for yesterday. This will be probably be continued in either "But I’m sick of hiding my heart" or “Are we just friends?” or both who knows *shrug*

[calzona-all-ways]

Bitter Hills

Chapter four

by: Anonymous

Arizona heard the crunch of tires on the gravel of the neighboring driveway a few minutes after she finished unloading her car and carrying the supplies in. She had made sure to bring a healthy stock of food and wine because the last thing she felt like doing was socializing. Contrary to April’s suggestion, she was not there to pick up emotionally devastated women or look for someone new. Dating Eliza had driven home just how much she missed Callie and she would give anything if only her former wife would come to the same conclusion about her red headed lover. And since that didn’t look like it was going to happen anytime soon, Arizona concluded she was better off in her self imposed exile to continue the healing her broken heart required rather than to waste precious time with another losing prospect.

A car door slammed shut outside. “I just hope you keep to your side of the wilderness and leave me to mine,” she spoke her wishes aloud to the emptiness before plopping down onto the plush mattress in the giant one room shelter. Her eyes roamed the cottage from her prone position, admiring everything from the richly stained exposed beams of the ceiling to the mantle of the fireplace.

“Hmm, not bad,” she praised. “Not bad at all.”

She winced as yet another car door unexpectedly slammed shut in the close by driveway.

“Ugh. Except for you.”

The chirp of the vehicle’s alarm being set next, echoed loudly in the ‘Space Between’ the cabins and almost made her stalk over to verbally ensure a week of solitude from her unwanted neighbor, but the growl of her empty stomach sent Arizona to the kitchenette instead, where she put together a quick lunch, taking it out to the swing that sat out on the small back porch to devour.

Blue eyes wandered the landscape as she ate, taking in the beauty of Mother Nature and Arizona couldn’t stop the thoughts of her ex-wife from popping unexpectedly into her brain. She would’ve loved to have shared this with Callie, she reflected, and though it wasn’t Spain or anywhere close to it, she believed they would have enjoyed the atmosphere here. And even if neither one of them would’ve been brazen enough shed their clothes for the outside world, clothing would absolutely have been forgone in the privacy of their cabin.

Without a doubt.

She sighed heavily, the sway of the swing lulling her into the past and the last time she held Callie in her arms after officially setting her free. God, how she’d hoped the brunette would refuse those airline tickets and opt to stay, that she would have seen how Arizona’s heart was breaking too, and she would never forget the deep, crushing grief that had drenched her soul with the realization that Callie actually wanted to leave, to move to New York and build a life with Penny. She sighed once more. What she wouldn’t give to have had just one more opportunity to get things right between them.

Suddenly loud music exploded into the air, echoing off of the surrounding slopes and shattering the calming solitude, shocking her back to the present. Arizona shook her head at her new neighbors insensitivity and inability to follow the simple rules of not only the lodge but the human race. After all, whomever was residing over there had to know this was supposed to be a quiet place of reflection for people with broken hearts.

XxXxXxXx

Initially eager to alleviate the humidity induced stickiness that the warm air rushing through the car’s opened windows had left on her skin, Callie dropped her suitcase onto the large bed, pulling the zipper to expose its contents. Finding her toiletries, she laid the clear vinyl bag on the mattress and proceeded to slip out of her jeans and top, letting them fall and pool onto the floor before picking them up and moving to the dresser to lay them on top. Slipping the phone from the pants she moved back to her bag and extracted one other item, one which she refused to be without since rediscovering the joy that dancing in her underwear brought on- her small media dock. While the very pricey device was compact in size, it’s JBL speakers gave off a sound that was anything but, and in the large one room cottage the music roared to life once she pushed the phone into the adapter and hit play.

As the music blared and one song flowed into the next, Callie’s lace clad hips instinctively took on a life of their own, and whether gyrating suggestively to a heavily throbbing beat one minute or rotating circularly to the smooth rhythm of the next tune, the Latina’s body simply refused to stay stagnant, the sheer joy she felt while dancing significantly brightening her mood, and that happiness in turn adjusting her immediate goal to the lazy relocation of clothes from the travel bag to the drawers the cabin provided, every provocative sway and twist leisurely gliding the sock clad ortho surgeon across the highly polished wood grain as she casually danced, working her way incrementally towards the shower she desired.

XxXxXxXx As the minutes multiplied by dozens with still no adjustment to the volume level, the blonde decided enough was enough and it would be best to nip this irritating intrusion in the bud or who knew what else the coming week would bring. Heading back inside, she tossed her now empty paper plate into the garbage can and huffed. All she had wanted was a quiet week to lament over the gorgeous Latina that she had loved so completely and yet lost so thoroughly, about how life’s unpredictable circumstances had ruined the working gears of their relationship one proverbial monkey wrench at a time, and instead she now had to deal with the petty annoyances of a self absorbed person who had checked into the cabin beside hers and apparently brought an entire rock band with them. This was just her luck.

With the slam of her door, she angrily walked the short distance, the music amplifying with every step increasing her perturbation until she reached her destination and knocked with purpose on the thick wooden barrier. When there was no answer, she raised her fist once more, knocking harder until her knuckles became sore, then switching to the side of her fist, pounding until she realized that whoever it was probably couldn’t hear over the noise emanating within. She reluctantly resolved to try again later and turned to leave just as the chorus of the song caught her attention. “Well at least you have taste,” she murmured as her mind drifted back once more to Callie, this time to their very first date spent dancing wildly in her living room, this exact tune playing loudly to override the very audible sounds of Owen and Cristina doing God knew what in the next room. By the time she reached her own cabin moments later, the built up anger had been mostly dissipated by nostalgia and Arizona breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hm. I guess it’s true, music really does soothe the savage breast,” she mused as the song changed and another recognizable melody played out.

“Jeez, my ex-wife would love you,” she noted aloud while opening her door and heading back inside.

XxXxXxXx

Pulled from her shower by the banging she’d heard, Callie held a quick debate on whether or not to worry about her nudity while answering the door at a clothing optional retreat before modesty got the better of her and she wrapped her dripping form in a towel while hurrying to the front door. She popped her head out just in time to catch a glimpse of blonde wisps as they flew through the entrance of her neighbor’s cabin and for a brief instant, Callie allowed herself the momentary hallucination of a starring role in a cheesy rom com, her beloved unknowingly the mysterious inhabitant of the cabin right next door to her own.

“Hmm. If only this WAS a script, Arizona. Then you’d be here and I’d make damn sure we got our happy ending this time- and in more ways than one,” she informed the blonde telepathically. Her lips pulled tight in a sad smile as she considered that scenario. “Yeah,” she continued with a heavy sigh. “You dream on, Callie,” she mocked before closing the door and ambling back to the bathroom to resume her shower. She included a mental note to stop over at her neighbor’s cabin later and see if the woman, who definitely couldn’t be Arizona, had needed something.

XxXxXx

As she sat looking over the resorts itinerary, the thump of the loud music resounded, and the residual anger returned to cause a churn in Arizona’s stomach, which in turn made the fetal surgeon antsy from the inability of a resolution.

Deciding to give her new neighbor a little longer to come to their senses before she headed over once more to complain, Arizona concocted a hasty plan to wander down towards the camp’s main area to take in what exactly this place was about. After all, April would require details once she’d heard of the ludicrous situation her best friend had found herself submerged in. So in testament to the Colonel’s always be prepared mantra, Arizona grabbed a bottle of water along with her cell phone and headed out the front door once more.

XxXxXx

The blonde’s cabin had been uninhabited for a good thirty minutes by the time Callie made her way over to introduce herself to her partner in nature, which was how she’d started to think of them when she’d realized how offset their cabins were from the others on the compound, the isolation somehow making her feel like they were reluctant teammates against civilization. “Well, I guess that’s strike two,” Callie mused when her knocking went unanswered, and a sudden vision of Mark and his love of sports danced through her head.

“I know, I know. First the woods and now baseball references. You’re wondering what the hell happened to me right?” with her eyes to the sky she engaged her disembodied best friend in conversation, then turned to begin the short walk back to her cabin. “Where’s the Callie you knew?” She breathed out heavily, and the tip of her sneaker made solid connection with a small rock to send it flying. “Where’s the badass ortho surgeon who had it all- an incredible wife, a fantastic best friend- oh, sorry- a fantastically LOOKING best friend.” She knew what was important to the plastic surgeon, after all. “Well I don’t know, okay?” It was silent as another rock was catapulted through the air. “Okay okay, you’re right. I do know, obviously. A damned airplane fell out of the sky and took almost everything I had to give.” She felt assured of Mark’s presence alongside her as an imagine of their daughter flashed in her head as proof of her misstatement. “I did say almost, Mark.”

Reaching her cabin shortly, she decided to forgo the confinement and continued on down the path towards the main buildings instead, all the while conversing one sidedly with the best friend whose death had left a gaping wound in her heart and her life.

XxXxXx

“Uh, okay.” The longer she had sat in the circle of the group listening, the more Arizona found herself surprisingly unaffected and oddly at ease with the various stages of nudity that surrounded her and she was fully prepared to embark upon honoring her personal declaration of embracing whatever experiences came her way while here.

“I’m Arizona, and um, well, uh, to start off- I uh, I think my neighbor might be evil. Okay, not evil really. But certainly annoying. And I’m pretty sure they travel with an entire rock band-”

“Excuse me?”

While wandering the compound, the fetal surgeon had stumbled upon a scheduled community encounter session twenty minutes before it was due to conclude and had been offered the role of last contributor with half that time remaining.

“And I’ve only been here about two hours or so and already this person has managed to really agitate me.”

“Uh, well, I’m sorry to hear that, Arizona,” the sticker that introduced people to her identity gleamed in the sunlight. “And we can certainly talk to the front desk about maybe moving you to another cottage, but this group is set up for the specific reason of giving people an outlet to discuss their failed relationships.”

“Oh. Oh, then never mind.”

“Would you like to contribute something about your relationship and any residual acrimony or disappointment?”

“Me? Oh! No. No, I don’t have lingering bitterness or anything remotely near it. And I can’t really even say that I’m disappointed either. Not anymore, anyway.” At the continued silence in the room, Arizona felt compelled to further explain her feelings. “I mean, it was my fault the relationship failed, my wife was incredible. She was a Goddess, in fact.”

“Your wife?”

“Yes, my wife. And yes I’m gay. I’m like, the gayest of gays. Lesbionic even-“

The other woman smiled at the steadfast declaration and it’s proud, yet adorable delivery.

"No, no that’s not what I meant, Arizona. The relationship that failed was a MARITAL relationship and it’s your assertion that you have no disappointment over that?”

“Oh. Oh. No, the only person I’m disappointed in is myself.” Arizona sighed and her gaze became dreamy as she described the love of her life. “I had the most amazing wife ever. She was-she was everything.” Blue eyes clouded over, her tone suddenly brusque. “And what did I do? I blamed her for something she had no control over and then used THAT as justification for an affair.“

"Would you feel like you’re comfortable enough for elaboration?”

Blonde hair swayed side to side, her eyes flitting unsurely to the clock. She held no compunction about sharing her truth with these strangers, to the contrary, it would be easy to relieve herself of the story to people who held no value to her existence. However, she did not relish the thought of beginning her tale and then having to recap at a later time after this meeting timed out less than half way through.

“Um, maybe next time. We’re going to need a LOT more minutes than are left on that clock.”

The group leader nodded her acceptance of Arizona’s reasoning, giving her an out even though being a late comer had left her misinformed. “Okay, well, whenever you’re ready. But you should know that we’re an informal get together, more coffee klatch than counseling session, and as such, the clock is used as a loose guideline here, it doesn’t dictate our time together. Also, we do run these meetings twice a day, so whenever you feel ready, we’ll be here. Uh, just be sure to bring your cushion.” Her gaze roamed the rest of the rooms occupants as she arose and spoke loudly to the now dispersing group.

"And I’m always available for a one on one chat in between those times for anyone who would like to pop in to talk.”

XxXxXxXx

From the walking path in the distance, Callie’s brows furrowed as she took in the unusual sight of the group of people converged in front of an impressively built log cabin, each in various states of undress yet all carrying what appeared to be seat cushions. Her lip quirked to the side as she adjusted her eyes and continued on, the guilty feeling of intrusion hurrying her pace so as not to be approached for conversation. “Shut it Mark,” she mumbled as the spirit of her best friend goaded to lose her inhibitions and become an active participant in whatever it was that was going on in that building. Casting one last sidelong glance towards the small crowd, brown eyes did a double take when they took in the image of her ex-wife mingling amongst the strangely clad people. She didn’t have time to confirm what she was seeing though because her foot had picked that moment to catch on an exposed tree root and send her stumbling, a clumsy shuffling of feet and arm movements her only defense to avert being sprawled onto the damp grass. By the time she had righted herself, the blonde on the horizon had disappeared, vanished as expediently as a posse fleeing desperado in the night.

Callie chuckled loudly when her mind created an image of the fair haired beauty as a hunted bandito, her face half covered by a black mask, matching black cape swaying in the breeze as she fled the scene of her latest crime, leaving lipstick imprints on the cheeks of unsuspecting females while they slept, like some sort of kissing bandit. A breath expelled heavily from Callie’s lungs and she quickened her pace back to the cabin, suddenly impatient with her lack of design to capture her ex-wife’s heart and make those lips hers once more.

End ch 4

[hekate1308]

Page Turner

I am a huge fan of Jasper Fforde’s work, so enjoy this Destiel fusion!

When the Literary Agency had first knocked on his door, Dean had told Sam and his brother hadn’t stopped laughing about it for a week.

He’d stopped when Dean had informed him that he had accepted the job offer, and that one of the reasons he’d never read as many books as he liked was simply that he had always been a natural book jumper – in fact, he was much too good at it. “Remember when I used to read Knights of the Round Table to you, Sammy? I stopped after I one day landed right in front of King Arthur himself, and let me tell you, A Kid in King Arthur’s court made it out to be much more fun than it actually was.”

Sam never laughed about his new job again after that.

Anyway, that was how Dean ended up as a Literary Agent – in the he-actually-went-into-books-and-tried-to-make-sure-no-one-ruined-the-plot-or-did-anything-else-stupid sense, not the other one.

In the eight years since he had joined the Agency, he’d had many adventures, but he’d never found a partner he was comfortable working with.

“Guess what” the smile of the Cheshire Cat (Dean continued to call him that, any regional changes be damned) asked.

He didn’t even look up from his desk in the Headquarters – located at Norland Park from Sense and Sensibility, in the ballroom that conveniently wasn’t mentioned in the novel. “The March Hare and the Hatter have finally made peace with time and have become sane.”

“No.”

“Miss Havisham has decided to abandon her grief and raise Estella into a nice girl.”

“No.”

“Sherlock Holmes actually went down the Fall and now we have a problem.”

“You are as cheerful as a mouse in a fridge full of cheese.”

“Wouldn’t that make them really happy?” Dean asked.

“Not if they were lactose-intolerant.”

He had learned long ago not to pay attention to what the Cheshire Cat was saying – unless it was important.

“You are getting a new partner.”

“I thought I was allowed to work alone after –“ Dean stopped talking abruptly. The last attempt to partner him up with someone was not something he liked to think about.

There was a reason a syndrome was named after Peter Pan. If Dean ever had to speak to that permanently sugar-flashed kid again, he was going to Neverland and joining the pirates.

“The Bellman seems to have found the perfect candidate, as perfect as a bike for a fish.”

“Cheshire” Dean said tiredly, “I do have to finish the report, and you know how K. is – he’ll try to have his two executioners from The Trial come here again to deal with me.”

“Fine, fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

The smile vanished, but the cat without its mouth appeared instead. Dean simply rolled his eyes as he took his sweet time to finally dissolve into thin air.

“Agent Winchester!” the bellman called out, as excited as if he’d finally found a Snark that wasn’t a boojum. “I have found a new partner for you!”

He forced himself to smile at his boss. “How wonderful.”

The Bellman frowned. “I have tried many weeks, I have tried many days –“

“Yes, yes, of course, sir” Dean said quickly to interrupt what would undoubtedly turn into a weird poem of giant proportions if he wasn’t careful. “So where is he?”

“He’s on his way here” the Bellman answered, pouting because Dean hadn’t allowed him to recite what he considered some of his best work.

Ten minutes later, Dean’s new partner entered the ballroom and the Bellman introduced them.

“Agent Winchester, this is Castiel Novak, from the Castiel Novak – Private Eye series.”

Dean had never heard of those books, but that didn’t have to mean anything; hell, one of his best friends in the Book world, Crowley, the King of Hell, came from a rather pathetically selling little-known series called Supernatural by some wannabe named Carver Edlund.

Now, not having any knowledge of the qualities the author of Castiel Novak – Private Eye had bestowed on his main character, he still had his experience and it wasn’t difficult to gather information.

For one thing, the author had definitely been one of those who felt that their detective wasn’t going to draw in reade3rs unless they made him ridiculously hot. Tussled dark hair, blue eyes, slight stubble... Not even the trench coat distracted from how he looked, and that was saying something.

Which, by the way... Dean almost winced. Those trench coats must have been old-fashioned when he was first conceived.

“Dean Winchester” he introduced himself.

“Hello, Dean. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Really, and a deep voice too? What the Hell? Was he really a Private Eye or was this another soft porn series for bored housewives (not that Dean saw anything wrong with that; he’d had quite a few adventures in fanfiction).

Cas was now staring at him and – ah, of course. Hot guy, socially awkward, solving murders, probably with an equally hot female assistant in the novels who looked after him and eventually dragged him before the altar.

“So” he asked the Bellman, who was writing down something (could have been about his and Cas’ introduction, but Dean doubted it; more than likely it was another stanza about a Snark), “What’s the case?”

He looked up and blinked. “Oh” he finally decided, “Just something easy for you as a new team. The wife has decided to elope with her lover in Fitzgerald’s short story The Cut-Glass Bowl.”

Dean sighed; no matter which one, ever single piece of Fitzgerald’s fiction was drowning in booze. This wasn’t going to be fun. “You ever tried Fitzgerald before?”

Cas blinked. Then, he answered mechanically, “I am looking forward to the experience.”

Whoever had written him that love interest he had to have, they wouldn’t have it easy.

“Ugh” Dean sank down on his chair, breathing the fresh, clean air of Norland Park. “I like to take a drink or two, but this is...”

“It certainly seemed excessive”  Cas agreed, sitting down at his own desk next to Dean’s the Bellman must have arranged for him while they were chasing down Mrs. Harold Piper and Mr. Freddy Geddney.

Problem was, all of Fitzgerald’s fiction had been written by a man who had had a.... tumultuous relationship with his wife, and it showed. Dean rubbed his forehead; she’d actually thrown the cut-glass bowl after him.

To his credit, Cas had wrestled her to the floor and they’d done a decent job of convincing both to go back to the one scene they shared in literature.

“I think” he said, “We’ll make a good team.”

Cas looked up from his desk, somewhat surprised it seemed; but then he just nodded.

They turned out to be indeed a very good team; over the next two years, they became as legendary as Edgar Allan Poe and The Headless Horseman, or Thursday Next and Miss Havisham.

Cas and Dean became close friends, the later incredibly baffled when he visited Cas and found that no love interest had ever been written for him in a book series that consisted of ten rather heavy volumes; and then he’d just felt sorry for him when Cas confided in him that sometimes, he felt very lonely because of it.

This bastard of an author had never even given him a friend, for crying out loud; it was just him in his dingy little office and the cases he solved.

So Dean visited him on a regular basis, or invited him back to his place in the real world, when they weren’t on a case. Cas always came, absolutely delighted to finally have a reason to go there.

“Do you know” he said to Dean one day as they were visiting a bee farm because Cas happened to be fascinated with them, “That there are no bees in my world? My author forgot to put them in.”

Cas deserved bees, Dean thought, as he watched his face light up at seeing the hives.

Cas deserved a lot of things.

And yet, Dean wasn’t completely honest with him.

Because there was one thing Dean hadn’t told him.

But how was he supposed to confess to a fictional character that he was falling for him?

Sam, of course, tried to be logical about it.

“You need to get out more – in the real world, Dean. You know Cas can’t – reciprocate your feelings. He wasn’t written for romantic affection, you said.”

“I said he had no love interest in the books” Dean replied flatly. He didn’t know how he was supposed to explain to Sam that many of the book characters were nothing like the way they had been written originally; it was difficult to understand for someone who wasn’t  a natural book jumper.

“Still, Dean – he’s fictional. He’ll never age, or die.”

“I know, alright? I know it’s hopeless”.

And yet, his heart beat faster the next morning yet again when Cas gave him a gently smile as he greeted him.

“You’ve got it bad, darling” Crowley drawled. “So, so bad.”

Wasn’t that freaking ironic, coming from him. Crowley had originally been written as the antagonist of the two main characters, the king of Hell, a bad-ass demon, but was busy changing the narrative.

There was simply that one small detail Carver Edlund hadn’t realized: Crowley was actually quite decent once you got to know him.

Dean didn’t say so, however, and just shook his head. “I know. And my brother already told me it’s useless, so don’t even think about it.”

“What, me doing the right thing? Sorry, Squirrel, you’re barking up the wrong tree here.”

“I think you got your metaphors mixed up.”

“That’s what happens when the quality of writing varies from instalment to instalment” he sighed. “Did you know that in the last book I was supposed to die?”

“What?”

“Don’t worry, I changed it.”

How Crowley got away with doing stuff like that, Dean would never know, but he was damn glad he was sitting next to him, as alive as he’d ever be.

“Well this is... different” Dean said as he stepped into Cas’ apartment. Before there’d barely been any furniture except for seemingly a million shelves to hold his book collection.

Now, there was a couch and a TV stand, and a few pictures of –

Cas and Dean.

He’d actually managed to bring pictures of them into his –

“How did you do that?”

“Oh, this is my apartment from the second novel. There’s not a single scene set in my place, so it –“

“Like Norland Park’s ballroom.”

“Exactly.”

Dean nodded. “Smart.”

“Crowley gave me the idea.”

Dean frowned. “You know him?”

“We met at your last birthday party” Cas reminded him.

True. Both his friends from the real world and the Book World had shown up at Dean’s apartment, and it had been surprisingly difficult to differentiate who belonged where.

“He gave me a few tips” Cas explained, “How to... move around your plot, so to speak.”

“Oh?”

Cas nodded. “Since this scene doesn’t exist in the novel – I’m free to do as I please.”

He stepped up to Dean and reached up to gently cradle his face in his hands. “is that... okay?”

“More than okay” he breathed and went in for the kiss.

“Dean...” Cas said much later. “I – I have wanted this for a while, but I’m fictional, and you’re –“

Dean kissed him again. “We’ll manage” he decided, “We always do.”

And they did.

[raptor-moon]

I, J (Slow Down the Sun), S, T

Gonna answer slightly out of order!

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Ummmm.... not really. There are unpopular things that I enjoy, but I don’t feel “guilty” about enjoying them! I love puns, and when characters are more clever than me. I love sticky-sweet romance and schmoop. I love the epic adventure where the stakes are high and the characters still come out victorious (I also love it when they don’t!). I like the slippery slope, and redemption arcs. And the angst. Bring it on. XD

 S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Hmmmm! I’m pretty sure I’ve answered this at some point months ago, so I’ll just give my two favorites: “Friends to Lovers” and “Unrepentant Bad Guy.”

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

Fridging and Coffee Shop AUs. (I know, I know, I’m sorry! So many people have fun with that second one but they’re just so hard for me!)

And finally, back around to: J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

>:D You asked for it!

The afterlife was nothing like what Maui had expected. Bright, saturated colors; defined, sharp lines; an excess of shadows that didn’t actually darken anything. It was strange. It was new. He quickly decided that he liked it.

“I can’t believe you tricked me into this.”

Maui glanced over at his companion, a sly smile gracing his lips. He waggled his eyebrows. “Trickster, remember? That’s what I do best.”

“Ugh! It was not my time. It was never gonna be my time. I’m going to think up some way of getting back at you for this.” The grumbling served only to make Maui laugh.

“What are ya gonna do? Kill me?” He grinned. “Too late, pig. Catch ya later.” And, with no further thought to the stewing demigod behind him, Maui set off.

A bit belatedly, he noticed that there were people around. Spirits. Souls of the dead. He could only really see them if he looked directly at them, but when he did, they were as clear and solid as himself. This might make it harder, he thought, if he couldn’t just scan around-

Then she was there.

“Moana?!” Maui stumbled back, surprised.

She smiled at him, that warm, eager grin stretched across her face. She was clear as day, solid as a rock, but it was as though several different versions of her were layered over each other. Maui could see the teenager she was when they’d met, the grown chief and mother she had matured into, and the thin, frail thing she had become when sickness took her. Maui was stunned, for only a moment, before colliding grief and joy crashed over him. He stepped forward, and swept her up into a hug. A sob escaped him as tears streamed down his face.

Moana returned the embrace, laughing. She had no grief for his being there, only joy to see him again.

“You’re here sooner than I expected,” she finally spoke.

Maui laughed, though it came out waterlogged. “You actually expected me?”

She pulled back, raised an eyebrow at him. “I know you, Maui.” She really did, didn’t she? “And I know why it is you came here.”

Maui raised his own eyebrow back at her, still holding her in his arms. “Oh? Do you now?”

“I saw him just the other day.”

And just like that, his heart was in his throat again.

Another figure came up beside them: Moana’s own daughter, and Maui saw her as a child, an old woman, and so many stages in between. It was memories, he realized. He saw people as he remembered them. Moana stepped back from the demigod, and took her daughter’s hand. “We’ll catch up later, Maui. He’s waiting for you.” She pointed out. “Head east. You’ll find him.”

A brief “see you later,” and Maui set out again. There were people everywhere, when he tried to see them. More people than he could possibly remember on his own; there must be more to the Realm of the Dead than he had first thought. And not only people: there were monsters there, too. Some he recognized. Many that he did not. And, even, a small few who seemed to recognize him. But he didn’t have time to dwell on it, because, well, there he was. As promised.

Tamatoa.

The giant crab’s antennae twitched, and he turned to face Maui. As he watched, Tamatoa’s face flickered through a great many emotions and expressions: surprise, disbelief, reluctance, anger, exasperation.

“Maui,” he greeted. “Didn’t expect to see you down here.”

Maui forced himself to speak through the tightness of his throat. “What? You didn’t think I’d come find you?” He tried to keep his tone light, but he could tell that Tamatoa could see right through that lie.

“I don’t need a keeper anymore, man. I’m dead.” Likewise, Tamatoa tried to be gruff, dismissive, but Maui heard warmth and relief behind those words.

Maui laughed, and stepped forward to pat Tamatoa on the leg. “No,” he said, with a new and growing feeling of lightness blossoming in his heart. “But how about a friend?”

[ofieugogyshz]

30 utapri questions!

@dekiaibadchoices​ tagged me forever ago and i only noticed a week ago that there was a blank version linked in gmdsjdksjds

30 utapri questions! Tag yo friends

1. Your best boy? this one!

2. Your least favorite boy? i don’t dislike any of them?? oh wait I guess heavens counts nowadays huh. Eiichi. Not sorry. Miss me with him. I’ll take Nagi over him and I don’t even like Nagi either but at least he realizes his mistake sooner and tries to fix it instead of having to get shoved at and told that he’s a manipulative prick.

3. A character that you never thought you would love as much as you do now? hmmm... all of the 11? Maybe Reiji, but that’s like mostly attributed to @dekiaibadchoices​! I love seeing how happy he makes her. :D 

4. A character you can relate to in any way? goSH. I’m actually.. .not sure... I mean I do relate to otoya and how much he loves fun and brightening up people’s days, but i’m not nearly as... good at it? as on top of it?

5. A character that you think deserves more love? Is Natsuki or Syo popular by themselves or only in a pair? Because, individually, they both do. And Yamato and Van are a lot better in mlk, but i don’t know if there’s any material between s4 and mlk, because i would LOVE to see yamato’s character arc/progression from his “tch” to “AND YOU’RE AWESOME, AND YOU! AND YOU!” like he’s frickin’ oprah

6. A character you would want as your partner/lover? ehhhhhh none of them really? like maybe a few it’d be interesting but mostly i’m just like, nah. they’re fine on their own/with others.

7. A character you would want as your mentor/senpai? oh!! um. .... I don’t know. D: Maybe Natsuki? I feel like he would be very good about being nurturing and helping build confidence in people who feel unconfident or don’t like themselves...

8. Your favorite ship? haruka x tomo? none tbh it’s just my “if i had to pick a ship”

9. A character that you want to cosplay/have already cosplayed? my son!!!! and maybe if we ever saw more of tomochika, her. and a friend wants to cosplay syo and she’s small enough that i could easily be natsuki tol to her smol at only 5′6. xD

10. Favorite side character? TOMOCHIKA AND RINGO

okay the next few are about songs and i haven’t looked up the lyrics for most of these so i’m mostly going based off what i know/recall of them from the mobile game...

11. Your favorite solo song?

shit. I don’t know. I like a lot of them. There’s a lot of Tokiya’s and Natsuki’s, and then there’s Brand New Melody and some other one of Otoya’s... 

12. Your favorite duet song? QUITE A FEW BUT OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, BABY!! MY STRAWBERRY!! AND HYPERXSUPERXLOVER!!

13. Your favorite trio song?

I DON’T KNOW i had to boot up the game and the first one I found was Dream More Than Love

14. Your favorite group song?

god all of the movie songs were good but i think QN killed it with The World Is Mine because GOD THAT WAS SO AMAZING IN THE MOVIE, but then again, Fantasic Prelude brought in all the tears. Every time that slow build.... and I’m not a crier and laughed at all the other girls in the audience that did. BUT NOW I’M THE ONE THAT’S CRYING AND GETTING EMOTIONAL.

15. Your least favorite song? ugh... the first heaven’s song? esp when they were three but even after 7 it just. sounds bland. but i’m supposed to believe that it’s THIS EPIC THRILLING HIT??? like kids sit down and listen to QN’s two songs from the movies then come back and tell me what a thrilling epic song in your repertoire looks like.

i just don’t really like most of heavens and i’m also really mad that their two songs in the movie were so damnably catchy. fuck them.

16. Your favorite singer?

NATSUKI. his [satsuki?] songs are so. heavy. oh my god. tokiya is a close second though because wow beautiful voice.

17. Your favorite group/trio/duo?

fuck if i know i just go ha ha song make me go brrr

18. Your favorite member of Starish?

otoya!!! love my son!!!

19. Your favorite member of Quartet Night?

*flips coin*

heads. looks like it’s reiji today. tails is ranmaru.

20. Your favorite member of Heavens?

uhhhh van. him and eiji are the only ones that didn’t make me go ugh at upon their episode/interactions at any point in time, and eiji is sure, pure bean too good for this world in a way different than otoya but he’s just not the kind that appeals to me meanwhile van is a fun flirt---HEY GOME I FOUND YOU AN IDOL VERSION OF YOUR CURRENT FLAME. ha ha jk gome would never read this-- but also really sweet and fun. and then yamato i didn’t like at all but his movie? personality? upgrade?? Really fun. Love it. Would have loved him more from the start if they showed this evolution in the season.

21. Your favorite seiyuu/voice actor?

I don’t really follow them tbh and I’ve only seen Otoya’s, Tokiya’s and Syo’s content, and it’s a tie between mamoru and shimono

22. Favorite Drama CD? haven’t listened to any

23. Your favorite shining live card? UM CRAP this one

LOOK AT HOW CUTE MY SON IS??? LOOK AT THAT SMILE!! THAT ADORABLE FACE!!! I LOVE HIM

24. Your favorite song beatmap? buhhh i don’t even play anymore outside of auto tbh so i can’t recall off the top of my head

25. Your least favorite song beatmap? ha ha ha ha anything on 13* and above

26. Black Deja Vu or White Gravity? i forget what each one sounded like but i think black had more of the boys i liked in it

27. Utapri merch that you own/want? I can’t recall if there’s another line of starish alters that aren’t ml1000, but if there ARE...... otherwise I think that i’ve gotten most of what I want? I mean I wouldn’t mind the rest of otoya’s plushes but i’m also not gonna.... repeatedly check ebay for ‘em.  maybe for the full size bag of the little one that I got?? 

28. How did you get into Utapri? klab advertized shining live in llsif as a text notice or something? or maybe just on the en twitter??? anyways my friends and I looked, I was the only one who could get it to play on their phone, and i KNEW otoya would instantly become my fave bc he sounded so much like my best girl rin, and WOW. GUESS WHAT. I WAS RIGHT!!!! who knew.

29. A set theme in shining live that you want to see in the future? fuck i forgot it but there WAS a set that’s in llsif that’s not in sl that i was like “this would be so great to see one for the utapri boys”

30. Why do you love your best boy?

*cracks knuckles* OKAY EVERYONE GET READY I CAN ACTUALLY WORDS WHEN IT COMES TO MY KIDS OKAY

so. first off, rin is my best llsif girl and they run a LOT of similarities in character profile alone. they’re both happy people who have a lot of energy and smile a lot and are always beaming happiness and I just REALLY love the sunshine kid trope okay?

now, for otoya specifically, i LOVE that it’s totally canon that his smile is like sunlight on a cloudy day, that he’s just this. super sweet and earnest, endearing kid who will help people when he can, however he can, if they ask or don’t that doesn’t really matter, so long as he is allowed to help then he’s gonna do his best at helping!!! He works REALLY HARD!! he cares people. a lot. so much. big heart!!!! biggest heart in all of starish if i do say so myself. maybe in all of utapri boys. he’s just so. caring!!! and good!! I DARE you to find and tell me something bad about my son. I DARE YOU. it’ll be a waste of time because you WON’T find anything. 

and oh my gosh his reactions in the anime are a GOLDMINE, TREASURE TROVE of reaction images. i can have a whole ass platter of every emotion under the son and i hate that sometimes thanks eiichi. he’s just. so funny sometimes and it’s adorable and precious and he’s just so pure and good and sweet and kind and caring...!

he also!! back to the working hard thing!! He works hard bc he came from humble roots. I don’t know much about the VNs so all of my knowledge is from the anime and shining live, but like, orphan?? who works hard to learn how to write songs and play the guitar? and then still comes back to the orphanage he grew up at to volunteer and help there after he debuts??? like. i love this boy. he is so sweet and willing to give back and HE IS SO PRECIOUS?????? im. good kid. 

and!!! i hate bringing up this shithole writing of an episode. it can use SO MANY IMPROVEMENTS but so can all of s4 in geneneral hahahahahah BUT ANYWAYS!

he re-experiences trauma that he had amnesia of? no thanks to some certain megane asshole. and, through poorly structured writing, he learns to move on from his pain and learns how to smile again? Like. baby. sweetie. precious son. you did not deserve that, it was a horrible Break the Cutie moment that did NOT need to happen like that, and you deserved better resolution than what you got. 

but the point of it is! he learns how to smile again through his pain. that doesn’t quite make it sound right in the way that is inspiring, but like. he... has his own battle with depression and grief and pain and loss of innocence/childhood, and he still manages to retain a childish manner and happiness and spark, and smiles through that, and he smiles because he wants others to be happy and not suffer the same pain.

[haydeesworldofpoetry]

Best breakup playlist?

I honestly, don’t think there is one

Everything varies on your mood

Maybe, bad bitch? Perhaps self loathing?

Well, I have a some songs for you!

This song makes the top of my list because it’s honestly like..the best? “maybe you weren’t the one for me, but deep down I wanted you to be” or perhaps the phrase, “all the things I did for you, just wasn’t it for you.” This is just a nice cocktail of some beginning grief and the complications that come with break ups. “You weren’t worth it, you don’t deserve me.” YES KHALID OMYGODDD! Self-love 💯 I love love this song

This song is more in the POP! Side for sure. But it takes one of the best break up songs for me. Every one thinks about their ex, every one at some point texts their exes. This song brings you those nights where you think back into your relationship. “On some nights like this, I just wanna text you, but for what?” “If I call would you pick it up?” It’s essential you remember the bad times when you try to idolize your past lover. How much they made you suffer or go through shit. “ You never see my point of view, our connection is so severed, you never show no effort.” It’s a great great song to recall your past relationship.

Ah, yes! Of course this song is gonna be on the list, how could it now? Talk about self love and raising yourself up after a mother fucking break up. “It seems like I give so much but give nothing back” is just one of the starting lines that opens our eyes to the reality of...~we deserve better~! Love is fucking whack might be true in this generation, if I’m being honest with y’all. Back up on my bullshit while I’m flexing on my ex? Yes please. This song provides you the reason why you gotta stop talking to your ex, or why not to text them. “Realy you ain’t shit, and I’m too emotional.” Exactly, babe. You got this.

Okay guys, now please don’t hate me BUT...love. Shit love is the most fucking complicated thing in the world. This song makes the list because you might begin to see the great things and relationship that you and your ex had. Maybe they’re taken already, maybe you just...miss them like hell...and that’s TOTALLY valid. This song expresses the typical ex train thought that comes when you’re texting your ex after a timely isolation. “What if I told you that I miss you, would you tell me you miss me too?” Melancholic yet upbeat is how I would describe this song. Great song to idolize your ex to, 10/10

Okay...did you really think Adele wasn’t gonna make it on this list? If you don’t ever listen to Adele when you’re going through a break up...wyd?? This song is for those who reunite with their exes after such a long time apart. “Can I have a moment before. I go? Cause I’ve been by myself all night long, hoping you’re someone I used to know” . Adele seems to know what heart string to pull when thinking back into our first love, our first relationship. Imagine speaking to your ex from back then. So many good times and so many amazing memories...only to be ruined by our dear friend...time. Adele expresses such sorrow yet a strong sense of faith is felt through the vibrations in her voice...it’s incredible. I honestly love Adele, she always makes me think of my ex and every thing we went through together. 10000/100 for this song, (and all the others...duh).

Ahhhh, shit. Well, ya know what it is. This song is the ULTIMATE quarantine song. The world basically feels like it’s ending...so if the world was ending, would you come over and spend the night? Ugh, babes like this song really hits some strong points. Like I have told you guys before, this whole quarantine made me question who I want in my life and who I would want to spend the rest of my days with if my world were ending...and it’s him! Ugh, this too shall pass for sure, but this song highlights every single side from having almost a year pass from a break up, and trying not to cry or rip your heart out every time you think about it. I’ve been there DONE that. This song makes our list because the world is fucking ending y’all a, and who would you wanna spend the rest of your days with?

Shiiiiiiz. This song is slow and sad, I don’t really know what else to say about it, honestly. I got this from a playlist my ex was apparently listening to or some shit like that. It was recommended on my Spotify so I was like, hey why not. Shit, I know why not now lmao. This song is about how Harry styles broke up w someone, I’m guessing. “What if I’m someone you won’t talk about.” “You said you cared, and you missed me too...and I’m well aware I write too many songs about you.” Ugh this song really makes you think about all the things you went through and talked about when you and your significant other were breaking up. Shit, it feels like a little needle in your heart.

Of course, this song makes it into the list AGAIN. Upbeat song that expresses anger and frustration?? YES PLEASE. “Said you’d always be in love, but you’re not in love anymore.” Let’s GO BABY. Words every one hears and knows they are NOT true. Lord es Green Light reminds us about how angry we can be and how upset we are allowed to be yet...how emotional we’ll still be. “I’ll be seeing you down every road.” Of course, we will. This song gives us the confidence we need with the anger and frustration of emotion. “I’ll come get my things, but I can’t let go. I wish I could get my things and just let go.” The great fucking frustration behind attachment is the life that comes from Green Light.

And that is all for tonight folks! My phone is literaly about to die, but I hope you cry, get frustrated and let all that mother fucking anger out, and then remember who tf you are and what you’re here to do and how much you really deserve

But also remember that if a relationship is meant for you it’ll come back on its own, and if it isn’t then just say FUCK IT and rock yourself. You got this babe ❤️

[goloveyaself]

The Call

The Call

Camera One: Picture a woman, maybe 65 years old. She has MS, gets around with a walker. The bathrooms in her very old house are the size of shoeboxes; very tough to get in and out of if you’re larger than a 12 year old boy or have a walker. She is and does. Now this woman, because she’s sick, (and because she’s sick, she feels much older than 65), she has to go to the bathroom frequently. Like a lot. And going to the bathroom is a very time-consuming activity; struggling to first get to the bathroom, then struggling to get inside the bathroom door with her walker. Then there’s the getting the pants down, or the dress up, or whatever while holding onto the walker so that she doesn’t fall. Eventually, after what may be almost an hour, she gets to plop her exhausted body onto the toilet, knowing that when she’s done, she will have to reverse the whole process to get out of the bathroom and back to her chair in the living room (which may as well be 100 miles and 2 weeks away). She will likely repeat this process three or four times before her day is done.

Camera Two: Picture a woman, maybe 37 years old, pacing around her kitchen, a loaded handgun on the table. She’s wearing nothing but a pair of men’s boxer shorts; likely her ex-lover’s. Ah, her ex-lover, he has broken her heart. She is devastated by the loss of him. She helped him move out; thought she was was the bigger one. Truly believed that it would help their relationship, if he had some independence, the chance to find his own way. He had moved in with her when he was only 25; from his Mom to her. Now he was restless; acting cold, detached. She thought she could rise above, help him. They looked at apartments together; her  always feeling that growing, gnawing anxiety in the pit of her stomach, the middle of her chest. But no, this would work. He would miss her so much; he would see what he had with her and he would want it back. She would help him; always help him. It seemed like the best thing. Until it wasn’t. Until Jennifer with her monstrous tits and stupid smile. She wasn’t even out of college yet. And she would drive his BMW, the same car that the woman drove almost every day when they were together. The woman would be getting morning coffee at Dunkin Donuts, and monster tits would pull in in the BMW. It wasn’t her car. And she would stupidly say hello to this woman, the one whose soul mate she was sleeping with, doing the things they used to do together in the bedroom and it made the woman sick to her stomach to think these things; the video tape rolling inside her burning brain. Ugh. She was driving his car. And she would say hello and the woman would want to jack her up onto the wall by her stupid neck and tell her…….it’s not your car…...he’s not your man. Instead she would just stare at her and hope that she might die on the spot, there in Dunkin Donuts while holding her medium regular extra fucking sweet.

Camera One: MS is a miserable thing, and this woman feels so alone, isolated even. Her children grown, her cheating husband long dead from a sudden heart attack. He lived long enough to get over all of his philandering ways, and just as he was becoming the husband she had always wanted, he dropped dead. So now she doesn’t remember his cheating and lying. She has forgotten his mean streak and sharp tongue that used to cut her to the quick at a moment's notice. She only remembers the love….”Oh, your Father and I were very much in love” she would say to her daughters. The younger one would always try to remind her... “Mom, he was a prick” she would say. But no, her mother wouldn't have it, she wouldn't hear it. They were in love, and he had been a wonderful man. So now she needs to get out of the bathroom, this sick and tired woman who is all alone in this big house. She is struggling to get out of the bathroom, knowing that in another few hours (if she can wait that long) she will need to get into this bathroom again. The doctor’s told her….drink lots of water, and she comes from that generation of people who believe every single thing that people in “authority” tell them. If the police, or the President, or the boss, or the doctor (or your cheating husband) says it, then it’s true. So she drinks copious amounts of water, maybe hoping it might cure her of this wasting disease she has acquired. This wasting  disease of the broken-hearted. And this makes the bathroom a place that she must visit often. And she’s sweating and tugging at her clothes, trying to get them back into place. The bathroom door is so narrow; she drags herself along with the walker; this life is hell for her. Sometimes she just wishes she would die in her sleep to end this misery; each day blurring into the next with the bathroom being her focus. Like a full time job; never a break from it; no time off. She makes it back to the living room drenched in sweat. Falling back into her chair, she drops into the restless sleep of exhaustion.

Camera Two: The younger woman continues to pace the kitchen. She sits at the table and spins the gun around in circles like playing spin the bottle, except she’s the only player and the only kiss coming her way is a bullet searing through her tortured brain. She picks the gun up and holds it to her temple. She’s suffering, her guts feel like exploding with this pain that has no relief. How could he do this to her? How will she ever get over this; he said he loved her; she believed it could never end. Soul mates. Forever. Together. She puts the gun down and rises from the table, walks into the bedroom. She sees the bed where they used to sleep spooned up against each other; where they used to make explosive love, melting into each other, disappearing into each other as though they were one person. Is he doing that with the girl with the huge tits now? Does he feel that way with her? Can she possibly bring him to that place, that spiritual oneness that they shared. Oh...My...God. The pain is  unbearable. Yes, she’s been hurt before, but never like this. He was supposed to be “the one”. She’s out of her mind with grief, the empty space where his love used to be growing larger and darker, about to consume her; swallow her whole. She goes back to the table, picks up the gun. Holds it to her temple, puts it into her mouth and wraps her lips around the barrel. She’s sobbing uncontrollably. Just pull the trigger; PULL IT! It will be so fast, she knows she won’t even feel it. BANG! Lights out; pain over.

Camera One: The woman wakes up from her short sleep; this short respite from the drudgery of her life of back and forth to the bathroom. The doctor’s won’t just give her a catheter and bag. She’d like one, but they want her up and about, walking as much as possible. They know that if they catheterized her she would sit in her chair and rot from lack of desire to live.. She doesn’t want to live without him. She doesn't know how to live without him. The night he died, and she returned from the funeral home, she said to her daughter, her youngest daughter…”well, now when he doesn’t come home, at least I’ll know where he is”. She said that. And her daughter told her “Mom, maybe God is giving you the chance for a whole new life”. She was only 51 then. Still young; still pretty. She could have started over, had a second chance. But she couldn’t do it; couldn’t live without him. “We were so in love, your Father and I” she would say. And this was true for her; the way she had chosen to remember it. And it would make her daughter sick, because she saw it, she was there for it, and she knew that it wasn't true. So now the woman is awake, and she has to go to the bathroom again. And she just wants to cry, because this is what her life has come to. And she thinks….”he would never have stayed with me like this; he would never have loved me like this”. And she begins the long journey to the bathroom, again, the long miserable struggle, for the third time today, and it is only just past noon. She thinks what she wouldn’t give for a pair of legs that work, and eyes that see clearly, and to walk without the help of a walker. She remembers when she could do that; when she was young, her body strong and healthy. What she wouldn’t give…..Please God, just let me die in my sleep, she thinks.

Camera Two: She can’t take another minute of this suffering; her world has fallen apart. What's the point in living? She picks up the gun again, opens the chamber to make sure the bullets are there. No turning back. She can pull the trigger and be done. No chance for this to happen to her ever again. No more pain and suffering. She puts the gun against her temple, she puts it back on the table. She crawls onto the kitchen floor and sobs, rolling around, writhing in this heartbreak; sick of herself, sick of the pain, sick of it all. She gets up and grabs the phone. Someone…. someone has to help her, make this pain stop, someone has to answer the phone. She calls a friend; no answer. Fuck! She calls her Sister; no answer. It’s meant to be that she dies today; no one is out there to help her. HELP ME she screams inside her head. She gets off the floor and returns to the table, picks up the gun.. she puts it in her mouth again; one shot, take out the brainstem. Done. Over. Her finger squeezes the trigger just a little. Her hand is trembling. She puts the gun down; picks it up again. Into her mouth, another squeeze on the trigger. She's scared; FUCK! SOMEONE HAS TO HELP ME; PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME! She puts the gun down and grabs the phone, tears running down her face; snot running out of her nose. She doesn’t care anymore; who fucking cares???? She dials her Mother; her Mother answers the phone. She cries into the phone “Mom, please, please help me….I’ve got a loaded gun, Mom, in my mouth...she’s blathering, barely making sense….”a  loaded gun, Mom, I can’t take the pain, can’t take it anymore, please”......

Her Mother’s voice breaks through her tears, interrupts her begging and crying and says simply to her, to this young woman who is putting a gun to her head, sticking a gun in her mouth, her Mother, her poor, sick, sweet Mother says….”Can you please call me back, I’m in the bathroom”.

The woman looks at the phone, her crying stops. She suddenly feels calm. She hesitates, thinks for a minute, then says…”sure Mom, I’ll call you back”. She puts the phone down on the table. She stares at the gun; she looks back at the phone. She gets up from the table, taking the gun with her. She calmly walks into the bedroom and puts the gun back in the case under the chair. She stands silent in the middle of the room. She thinks she’ll just take a shower now, get dressed, and get on with her day.

Camera One: A Mother, miserable and suffering in the tiny bathroom, all alone in her old house, just trying to get through another miserable day, and as she pulls herself up from the toilet once again, sweating and struggling; she doesn’t even know, that in her struggle, in her misery, she has just saved her daughter’s life.

[queencanaries]

Any theories on Thea's potential storylines if writers actually wanted to write it :)

I won’t necessarily talk “theories” because I have no idea what the writers are doing, and they haven’t really hinted at anything for me to go off, so I’ll take it as more a “wishlist” for the bae that is Thea Queen, and for that I have: 

Returning to Team Arrow as Speedy — I’ve said it before, but I think Thea’s initial conflict was about becoming like her father, and becoming like her mother, but both of them sacrificed their lives to save her, and I think it would be an interesting response for Thea to realise that while she has darkness in her blood, there is the awareness and acknowledgement of what it means to be and do good, and she can tap into that by being Speedy, and by joining Oliver’s side on Team Arrow. It really isn’t the same without her.

Bonding with Black Siren — I think part of recognising a darkness within yourself and struggling to navigate your way around and often through that, can allow Thea to be a perfect candidate to help others confront their own darkness and not be consumed by it. Perhaps she can take what she’s experienced to empathise with what Black Siren has been through, and contribute in steering Siren towards the light. I also think it would be great for Thea to reference Laurel, and tell stories to Siren that help paint a picture of who our Laurel was for Black Siren, especially as its a perspective that isn’t from a lover or a father, but from a friend. 

Pursue Thea as the most important relationship for Oliver — I think the show, and in large part, the character of Oliver, has worked best when the writers have leaned in on Thea as his most important relationship. I hope they make hers a perspective that Oliver turns to more often, and make Thea a character that is crucial in Oliver’s personal development; their dynamic should always be at the forefront of the writers’ mind, and I hope to see more of Oliver turning to Thea in times of conflict, but to also balance that with more lighthearted, brother/sister moments. 

Bonding with William — I absolutely loved Thea’s support of Oliver in Season 4, and I just rewatched a scene the other day where she saw William for the first time, and it just made me want to see more. In remembering everything that happened that season, and how William’s mere existence was a conflict for one female character, I’d much rather see the show explore Thea as an Aunt than anyone take Samantha’s place as a mother, and in seeing how William is scared of Oliver (I think the trailer hinted towards that being the case) then I think Thea is the perfect candidate — a familial candidate — of showing William that he’s safe with them, and can trust them, and she’ll have his back. 

Looking after Quentin — I think the writers tapped into something great with the Thea/Quentin scenes in Season 5. I’m very protective over what was Laurel’s and her “world” — in terms of dynamics, characters, storylines, you name it — and so I tend to lean towards Thea being the one most associated to things related to Laurel, and so I prefer seeing her step in and look after Quentin in a way that Laurel would than any other character, and would love to see more of it in Season 6, especially with Black Siren kind of bringing some drama into the mix and complicated a lot of their emotions and their grief. 

A storyline outside of Oliver Queen — As much as I talk about wanting more between Thea and Oliver, and enjoy Thea’s dynamics with Quentin, and Laurel (and hopefully Black Siren, and William), I still want the writers to give her an arc that’s about her own individual development and progression as a character. I’ve always loved that Laurel, as the lead female of the series, had storylines that existed outside of Oliver, and Thea has had her fair share, too. So I want more of that, whether it comes out of something that happened on the island, or is about her returning to Team Arrow as Speedy, or something specific happens in Season 6 that involves her and bleeds into an ongoing arc, I just want something. 

And lastly — on more of a “please god don’t do this” kinda list — I’m not all that keen on romance for Thea. It just doesn’t work outside of Roy, for me. And the way they’ve done that romance has felt like it should always tie back in by the end of the series. Outside of them, Alex was a total hit and miss. And do you guys remember that creepy Chase, the DJ, guy? Ugh. And I don’t want her paired up with Wild Dog, either. I mean, maybe my opinion will change as the show progresses, but I just don’t like the idea of it.