#ugh these bitches haunt my nightmares

[elderwisp]

ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔬𝔫 𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔱𝔬 𝔉𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔡𝔞, ℑ 𝔤𝔬𝔱 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫' 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔶𝔞 𝔚𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔡 𝔰𝔢𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔨𝔦𝔩𝔬𝔰 𝔬𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔎𝔢𝔶𝔰, 𝔟𝔞𝔟𝔶, 𝔬𝔥 𝔶𝔢𝔞𝔥

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Episode 5 Incoherent Thoughts

Spoilers for Loki episode 5. And also my fic, Scattered to the Wind, because holy shit.

My stomach hurts, guys

I've been texting my best friend about this upcoming episode all day. I'd say I was getting progressively more unhinged, but I definitely started out unhinged and fluctuated from there.

Oh my GOD the title is making me feel better already

Oh god never mind I'm scared again after the recap and the haunting intro music

FUCK THAT ONE TEAR ON LOKI'S FACE

SHIT WAIT DID HE TIME SLIP I BET HE TIME SLIPPED

NO HE WENT TO THE PIE ROOM ;.;

FUCK YES HE DID TIME SLIP

OH MONKEY FUCK

THE TIME SLIPS ARE SHORTER

OH MY GOD I'VE FOR SURE HAD A NIGHTMARE LIKE THIS WHERE EVERYTHING TURNS TO SPAGHETTI THAT'S HORRIFYING

NO NOT THE CLOCK TICKING

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE IN CAPS THIS EP ISN'T IT

I'LL TELL YOU, THE SAME THING HAPPENED IN EP 5 OF LAST SEASON. I TOOK NOTES ALL IN CAPS TOO

YES CASEY'S IN JAIL I WAS FUCKING RIGHT PLEASE BE ALCATRAZ sorry spoilers for Scattered to the Wind

OH MY GOD WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT FUCKING ALL OF THIS

WAS THAT A BOAT

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT

FUCK NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA READ IT AND BE ALL "UM ACTUALLY IT WAS 1962 NOT 1935" AND IM GONNA BE ALL "UM ACTUALLY I FUCKING CALLED THIS ENTIRE THING SO STOW IT"

GUT US LIKE FISH

LOKI

OKAY I GOT THE NAME WRONG BUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE

YES MOBIUS GIMME

NO LAME FUCK OFF MARVEL

SIX YEARS OFF FOR B-15 I SWEAR TO GOD IF HER NAME IS ANN I'LL LOSE IT

WRONG PLACE BUT I UNDERSTAND. ACCENT, AND I PUT HER IN LONDON BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS IN AMERICA

UGH SHE'S SO GOOD AND SHE'S A PEDIATRICIAN I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT TOO

BUT SHE'S IN NEW YORK IN 2012 WHAT MONTH IS IT BECAUSE SHE MIGHT KNOW LOKI

MOBIUS YES HOLY SHIT

DON FUCKING DON DO NOT GIVE ME YOUR LAST NAME PLEASE I MEAN I SHIP THORKI SO FANONICALLY I'LL BE FINE WITH IT BUT LIKE EVEN MARVEL WOULDN'T DO THAT RIGHT

NO NOT THE CHILDREN PLEASE LET THAT BE THE FICTIONAL PART

YES MIDWEST BUT WRONG STATE AND WAY WRONG YEAR [I! HAVE! THEORIES! THOUGH!]

MOBIUS HONEY SELL THE MAN A DIRT BIKE MORE JET SKIS FOR YOU

I'M CRYING ABOUT THE COMPARISON BETWEEN LOKI AND THE INFLATABLE GUY OH MY GOD THAT WAS PERFECT

That face was not good enough

Okay the slow walk and stare was perfect though

Wait I just remembered I screenshotted a bingo card for this episode specifically wait I'm gonna be a ball of anxiety and procrastinate and see if I got any squares yet I'll play it in a sec.

God Don is doing to Loki what Mobius did to OB in episode 1. Mo it's okay to tell someone you don't recognize them when they recognize you. It makes the interaction afterward way less awkward and a lot easier.

Fuck what's wrong with your son why doesn't he talk to his mom/dad/parent FUCK I HOPE HIS MOM DIDN'T JUST DIE THAT WOULD BE SO SHITTY

THAT LYING BITCH

THAT ASSHOLE IN THE LOKIUS TAG AFTER EPISODE ONE WHAT A LYING BITCH [No I have a thought though, and I'm sure someone else has had it by now.]

MOBIUS TALK TO YOUR KIDS HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD

WAIT

IF IT'S BILLY AND TOMMY I'LL FUCKING SCREAM

NO LOKI

OH MY GOD WAS I RIGHT ABOUT EVERYONE

RIGHT STATE WRONG TIME IF HE'S A PROFESSOR I'LL SHIT MYSELF

OH BABY MY DARLING

I LIKE THIS BETTER

AWW

SOMEHOW I LOVE HIM MORE

THE POSIT ITS. OB!!!!

IS THAT THE LOOM

THE LINES FROM THE TRAILER

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

IF SYLVIE'S IN BROXTON AND HAS FORGOTTEN SHE CAN DO MAGIC I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO

I SWEAR TO GOD YOU GUYS I DIDN'T WATCH THIS EPISODE UNTIL NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

THIS IS SO WEIRD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

OH MY GOD IT'S NOT THE LOOM IT'S HIS WORKSHOP

HE'S STAYING SO LONG

OH MY GOD IS HIS REAL WHY GONNA BE BECAUSE HE LOVES MOBIUS? I'LL DIE

YES OB I WROTE THIS WE JUST TAKE BRAD OUT OF THE EQUATION AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT

SO I WAS GONNA SAY IRISH BOYS, KEVIN AND SEAN, BUT

BUT SEAN JUST ASKED FOR A DOG AND A SNAKE

THIS MAN IS AN ODIN VARIANT THE KIDS ARE LOKI AND THOR I DON'T LIKE THIS I DON'T LIKE IT HERE I WANT TO LEAVE

Baby Loki would have absolutely played with matches he stole

Baby Thor loves snakes

Take me back to before I was afraid of who Mobius was gonna be when I thought he was Theo and that was the end of it. Take me back even to when I thought he might be Loki but he was married so we might've actually gotten a Sigyn variant. Take me back to when I thought he might be Sigyn and his wife the Loki variant. Hell, take me back to an hour ago when I thought I was just gonna ship another version of thorki. This is a terrible theory.

Loki my god you are terrible at talking to your amnesiac love interest

MOBIUS I THOUGHT YOU SAID ON THE MARKET FOR A SECOND AND I FREAKED

MOBIUS OH MY GOD STOP TRYING TO SELL PEOPLE JET SKIS AND THOSE ARE YOURS

HE REMEMBERS WORD FOR WORD WHAT MOBIUS SAID

YOU GUYS I HAD TO LOOK THAT UP FOR THE FIC TO GET IT RIGHT AND HE RECITES IT WORD FOR FUCKING WORD OFF THE CUFF

AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED CRYING

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES BEFORE HE CALLS THE COPS I HATE THIS

IT'S OKAY OB YOU'RE GONNA MEET CASEY SOON HOLY SHIT THOUGH I'D CALL 18 MONTHS FAST AND HOW DID YOU FIND HIM

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO SYLVIE

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES HE HAS CHILDREN WHO DON'T HAVE A MOM

You can MOVE the time doors??

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES

ALSO WHERE THE FUCK IS SYLVIE

SPACE NAME

OH MY GOD THERE SHE IS, IN BROXTON JUST LIKE I SAID

OKAY THANK GOD

OH MY GOD THERE'S BRAD

YES HE SAID IT HE WANTS HIS FRIENDS BACK HE HAS FRIENDS HE'S NEVER HAD FRIENDS AND NOW HE DOES I'M NOT CRYING I WASN'T CRYING TWO HOURS AGO WHEN I WAS SHOUTING HE HAS FRIENDS NOW IN MY CAR I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE

I'M FUCKING BAWLING WHO AM I KIDDING

SYLVIE IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO WANT FRIENDS IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO HAVE FRIENDS THAT'S NOT SELFISH THAT'S BEING A PERSON

CASEY SHUT UP AND JUST FLIRT WITH HIM

LOKI NO DARLING

DUDE YOU SAID THAT LIKE YOU'RE SELLING HER DRUGS

SYLVIE

YEAH WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN GIRL

CASEY

OB NO

MOBIUS, B-15

SYLVIE

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THE FUCKING BLIP AGAIN

TIME LOOP FUCK THIS

FUCK NO FUCK THIS

NO NO

OH HE MEANT HIM OH THANK GOD I THOUGHT HE WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL SYLKI ON ME

LOKIIIIIIIIIIIII YESSSSSSSSSS <3

[phoenixiancrystallist]

This is your fault, Nonny:

"There we go," Frey said, tugging the woolen knit sleeve up to her elbow. "Nice and cozy."

"I need you to know that this is abjectly humiliating," Cuff bitched, his voice clear and crisp despite the muffler covering him. Just more proof that his voice was in her head and didn't actually come out of the bracelet. Frey tugged at the end near her wrist to make sure every bit of him was covered.

"Look, it's either this or you keep giving me frostbite, and I like my skin." Knit gloves and a thick scarf completed the ensemble. Judicious kept her torso warm enough, but the extremities needed some help. Auden may not be the best cook, but she could spin and weave and knit with the best of them. The only problem was there was no way Frey could wear her kicks with the woolen socks that kept her toes safe from the cold. Sturdy leather boots that covered her up to the calves gave her plenty of grip in the snow and ice, and saved her from melting snow soaking her socks. The sacrifices she made for Athia... "Besides, you kept bitching about the cold. This'll keep you warm, too, you know."

"As would not being here in the first place. Never thought I'd see the day that I missed Praenost, of all places. Ugh."

"Yeah, yeah."

Frey stepped out of the refuge right into a gust of snow-laden wind, and shivered despite the layers. Still, it wasn't as bad as it had been the first time she walked face-first into Avoalet's winter. Definitely survivable with the wool and cloak, especially when she started her head-long magic-enhanced sprint across the landscape. Magic and exercise chased off the last of the chill, and Frey discovered a fun new use for Glide: snowboarding. Worked great on any kind of water, as it turned out.

Her excited whoops echoed back from the mountains around Avoalet, and even Cuff forgot his grump long enough to get caught up in the thrill of it. She practically heard the cartoonish bowling pin sound effect when she plowed through a pack of Breakzombies; three went flying through the air to land in heaps before she figured out how to brake. After that it didn't take long to figure out how to turn in the snow, and the fact she could literally Glide circles around the Broken turned wiping them off the face of Athia into a game.

"Woo! How was that, Cuff?" Frey asked when the last zombie burst into dust.

"Exhilarating," Cuff admitted, bright and energized and raring for more.

"And? How're you feeling?" She felt his enthusiasm pop like a bubble and did her best not to laugh at him. "Still nice and toasty?"

"...I'm going to haunt your nightmares for reminding me. But... yes." He'd have said that through his teeth if he had any. "Quite cozy. Thank you."

That was the most "fuck you" thanks she'd ever gotten, but she'll take it.

In the universe where we got the snow biome, Frey makes Cuff wear a little wool "sleeve" over and under himself so he'll stop freezing her so much. And maybe also make him slightly more comfortable in the meantime. You know. So he stops complaining so much ;)

I need you to know that this image has killed me, and I am now posting from beyond the grave.

[sucuretcannelle]

MASTERLIST (UPDATED: 3/27/22)

𝔽𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕒𝕪 ℕ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝔽𝕦𝕟𝕜𝕚𝕟' (𝔽ℕ𝔽):

KNOCKOUT! (BF, Kapi, and Senpai witnessing you pass out during a rap battle from exhaustion) 

WHAT DA FLIRT DOIN’? (Senpai, Pico, and Ruv’s reaction to being flirted with)

PLEASE, GET YOURSELF TOGETHER (Garcello and Senpai with a germlin s/o)

CONTACT? (Senpai with a touch starved s/o)

PUT THAT BACK— (Tankman with a gremlin child)

WAS THAT A SKIN-WALKER? OH— (Ruv, Whitty, and Garcello with a friend that likes to howl at the moon)

I REALLY DON’T MIND (Garcello being insecure about his lingering cigarette scent)

IT’LL BE OKAY (Garcello singing you to sleep after you have a nightmare)

I’LL REST, I SWEAR (Taking care of Garcello while he’s sick)

QUITTING CAN GET...HARD (Helping Garcello quit smoking)

YOU’RE RUINNIN IT. READ MY LIPS- (Garcello & Hex friendship hcs)

NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP (Garcello tea asks and fluff alphabet)

NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWWNNN (Senpai & Tankmain fluff alphabet)

NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOUUU (Tabi & Agoti date hcs)

NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRYYY (CJ relationship hcs)

NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYE (CJ with an s/o who’s love language is physical touch and words of affirmation) 

NEVER GONNA TELL A LIEEEE (Sarv and Ruv tea asks)

AND HURT YOU (Dr. Jack Springheel tea asks)

YOU’RE BACK! (Agoti coming out of the void) 

SLEEP AND AWAKE  (Garcello singing his s/o to sleep)

WHAT?? HOW? (Garcello....ugh, necromancy ig)

ARTISTS TROUBLES (Garcello with an s/o that draws on him when they’re anxious)

AW, COME HERE (Garcello with a touchstarved and shy s/o)

WHAT THE FUCK- (Garcello with an s/o that had a syncope)

BE WHO YOU ARRRREEE (Garcello with a nb s/o)

IIIIII BOUNCE TO THE BEAT OF MY OWN DRUM- (Garcello with an s/o that can play the drums)

HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO...LUDICROUS? (Garcello with a dumbass s/o)

IT’S OKAY TO RELAX SOMETIMES (Garcello and Whitty with a stressed s/o)

AWW, REALLY? (Garcello w/ an s/o that likes to fluster him)

DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT? (Agoti and Tabi with a flirty s/o)

THE SWEET EMBRACE OF DEATH (Garcello with an s/o that’s extremely warm all the time)

HOME SWEET HOME (Garcello with an s/o that just came home after a long day)

YOU’RE SAFE HERE NOW (Garcello with a teen reader)

IT’S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZEEEEE (Garcello and Hex with an s/o that apologizes a lot due to a past relationship)

EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH KETAMINE- (First kiss hcs w/ Garcello)

IIII HEAR A SOUND (Garcello haunting his s/o’s house)

SHE LIKE BAE WHY IT SMELL LIKE BADUSSY (Garcello with an s/o that hates the smell of cigs)

LIFE GOES ON...FOR NOW (Garcello, Myra, and Ruby with a vampire s/o)

HOW DO THOSE THINGS WORK? (Kapi with an s/o that is great a claw machines)

FLY AWAY NOW- (Tabi, Sarv, and Kapi with a fairy s/o)

SO YOU’RE INTO PEOPLE THAT CAN KILL YOU? (Yandere CJ x reader)

DAMN ARE YOU GONNA LET GO?? (Kapi with a clingy s/o)

JK...UNLESS- (Rivals to lovers au with CJ)

WHAT IN THE TLC? (Kapi with an s/o that hoards plushies)

WHAT AN UNFORTUNATE SITUATION (this is explained in the ask and I’m lazy, Tabi x reader angst)

HOW??? (Tabi with a supportive and innocent s/o)

BITCH ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Tabi, CJ, and Myra with a toxic ex that won’t leave them alone)

HOL ON, DON’T BE LIKE ME (Tabi with an s/o that has insomnia)

PEW PEW PEW! (Tabi with an s/o that has explosion powers)

“YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS- WHAAAA?” (CJ with an s/o that’s self conscious about singing)

*INSERT A BAD BRUNO MARS SONG* (CJ hearing his s/o sing for the first time)

YK, I’M WATCHING YOU... (CJ with an s/o that got flirted with)

YEAH BREAK IT DOWN BITCH, AND LEMME SEE YOU BACK IT UP (CJ with a baker s/o)

UP, UP, AND AWAY! (CJ with a tall s/o that likes to carry him) (Another version of this)

OH... (Ruby, CJ, and Tabi with an s/o that has trust issues) 

OH NAWL, HE’S DESCENDING (Tabi with a fallen angel s/o)

AYO WHAT’S UPDOG? (Agoti with a gullible s/o)

STOP BOTHERIN ME, DAMN (Ruv sibiling hcs)

SOMEHOW, YOU STILL MANAGE TO BE THE SWEETEST THING HERE (Agoti with a pastry chef s/o)

AND OH MY GOSH, WHAT IS THIS NEW EMOTION? (Usagi realizing that she has a crush on someone)

ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕕 ℙ𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 (ℂℙℂ):

SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME (Saffron dating hcs & fluff alphabet)

THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME (Jamie dating hcs)

I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHEEEEED (Prez dating hcs)

SHE WAS LOOKIN KINDA DUMB (Maria fluff alphabet)

PLEASE, TAKE A BREAK (Leopold with an artist s/o that overworks themselves)

SORRY ABOUT THAT (Leopold with an s/o that’s scared of talking to people)

𝔻𝔸ℕ𝔾𝔸ℕℝ𝕆ℕℙ𝔸 (𝔻𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕒𝕟):

SHAWTY HAD THEM APPLE BOTTOM JEANSSS (Chiaki, Ibuki, and Kaede relationship hcs)

[honkhonkrichard]

Theory: Stanley Uris was Murdered.

Tagging @vvanini I hope you can follow this okay it’s very word vomity lol

Okay So TW because this post will touch on Stan's death ad the methods behind it

I propose that Stan Uris was murdered. by IT. In his home on that fateful night. I think that Stan posed the biggest threat to IT and therefore IT felt the need to take him out before the battle even started.

Allow me to explain.

Okay, so, I need to lay out some basic "rules" or "facts" before I make my case. They are as follows.

- IT planted it's roots in Derry, and finds it difficult to leave, but still can at it’s own wil.  If you read the book (I honestly don't blame you if you haven't) You'd know that once the Losers kill IT for the final time, Derry (the Physical town) is obliterated. Buildings explode, sinkholes appear, things are flooded. The town is in ruins by the time that the Losers leave the sewers. The movies don't adapt this so If this is news to you thats fine. the bottom line is that destroying IT destroys Derry, like ripping a tree out of the ground with all it's roots. Because of this, we can make the claim that while it can Leave Derry (as it does every 27 years) it probably takes tremandous amount of power to do so, which is why IT only goes when the cycle is over. Why does this matter? Well, what if IT left Derry to get to Stan? The murders had stopped for about a week when they're all in the Jade of the Orient. Plenty of time for IT to cross from Maine to Georgia. Side Note: We KNOW IT leaevs Maine to elsewhere in the world because of King's extended universe all interconnecting. it's not far off at all to make the claim that IT is the same evil that haunts, say The Shining's Overlook Hotel, which is in Colarado.

- IT is omnipresent This is also a given, IT lives everywhere, and can fuck with time and space in godlike (or maybe eldritch like) ways. in IT: Chapter Two, when Mike claims "IT Doesn't know I know what I know" he's unfortunately wrong, because we know that IT can be in A) Multiple places at once, B) can manipulate anything on the drop of a hat (See: Stan being teleported away from everyone else in Chapter One, Everything about Neibolt, etc) and C) Knows everyone's deep fears. This is further proven by IT Saying things like "Beep Beep Richie" (although this is Horribly Horribly executed in the films, ugh.) and so on and so forth. On top of all of this, We can make the claim that IT can exist outside of Time as well, given that IT is immortal. SO, what's stopping IT from Knowing Mike was going to call them all back (Espically considering that IT TOLD Mike to do this?). Even if we keep IT's omnipresence to the location that IT inhabits (in this case Derry) IT would still have knowledge of where the losers are through Mike. And if you take the Lucky Seven/Chosen Seven route (oh my god I got theories on that too) you could argue IT knows where they are inherently due to their cosmic status.

- Stan is the "most Powerful" loser So, obviously all the Loser's are powerful, espically considering they're the ones who Defeat IT (Again going on to the Lucky/Chosen Seven theory). This next claim is going to be less focused on what the 2019/2017 Movies do because they are Bad Movies and that's a whole other rant. However, in the book, Stan is (to my knowledge feel free to correct me on any of this) the only loser to Actively ward off and 'defeat' IT on his own without running away. He uses his belief in this what is Real (birds) to ward off what is "not real" (IT). The other losers do manage to take down IT in their own Right, but Stan is ultimately the one to Really get IT. This is because Stan's character revolves around Belief and Willpower. These are, in some form or another, the ways to Defeat IT. the ritual of Chud is a battle of Wills. in the book, Bill takes IT down and Eddie does the final blow. In the Remake (ugh) the losers can defeat it Technically using the belief that IT isn't as powerful as it claims because IT's "just a clown" (Ihatethatfuckingendingsomuchugh). Stan being much more skeptical than the rest of the group in his ability to understand Reality vs IT's illusions is a powermove, and IT knows that ability doesn't go away as Stan grows up, but rather he gets more powerful. Stan is the Only loser out of the 6 who left that has any sort of knowledge about IT, where the other losers have nothing. Bev has nightmares, yes, but she still forgets them. We're told in his chapter (Chapter 3, Six Phone Calls (1985), Part One: Stanley Uris Takes a Bath) that he has some hazy knowledge of his place in the Lucky Seven, and even goes so far as to MENTION it sometimes, even if he doesn't quite remember or understand any of it, his knowledge of IT and Derry is worlds more prominent than that of the rest of the losers.

(page 52 of IT:  "Stanley, nothing's wrong with your life!"  "I don't mean from inside." he said. "From inside is fine. I'm talking about outside. Something that should be over and isn't. I wake up frmo these dreams and think, 'My whole pleasent life has been nothing but the eye of some storm I don't understand.' I'm afraid. But then it just... fades. The way dreams do." OR  page 45: He had been smiling a little. Now the smile faltered, and for a moment he seemed puzzled. His eyes had darkened, as if he looked inward, consulting some interior device which ticked and whirred correctly but which, ultimately he understood no more than the average man understands the workings of the watch on his wrist. "The turtle couldn't help us," he said suddenly. he said that quite clearly.)

So, Stan has some cosmic knowledge of IT and Maturin and his role in the battle against It. What does any of this have to do with his death? Well, let me point out some other things about Stan's death that always stuck out to me. - His death chapter is narrated by his wife, Patty, rather than himself. The other chapters - almost all the other chapters - are narrated by their respective Loser (the caviot for this is Ben, but Ben is also wasted out of his damn mind so its understandable.) - Stan's personality is few and far between in the book, but we know he has a weird little sense of humour and that he's incredibly logical. I think that this logical part of him would be able to understand that Suicide is Never Ever the answer, and that it would cause FAR more problems than it would solve. (the 2019 movie tries to reexplain his death and it's crap and i hate the letters i hate the letters so much im gonna explode) The other losers try to rationalize his death by saying "He would rather Die Clean than Live Dirty (Page 506, Chapter 10, The Reunion, part 3, 'Ben Hanscom Gets Skinny') but he had already BEEN Dirty when he defeated IT the first time, and I think he would've recognized that. - upon finding him, Patty (in her narration) notes that Stan's head is bent back over the edge of the bathtub, so from his sight she would have been upside down. If Stan DID kill himself, why would he be positioned like that? It's unnatural, like someone Posed him. - the cuts on his arms are two length wise cuts. I'm no expert but.. that's suspicious. That's weird. - IT is written in blood on the wall. Why? Why would Stan right THAT of all things? You know who DOES like to paint with blood? IT.

Alright, returning to my thesis statement, Stanley Uris was murdered. Do I think Stan genuinely was going to take a bath at 7pm (which we're told is weird for him)? Yes. I think that's absolutely a thing he could have done or planned to do. Do I think he slit his wrists and commited suicide so he wouldn't go back to Derry? No. Not even remotely.

Let me paint a New Picture.

It's May 28th, 2016, or 1985. Stanley Uris gets a call from Mike Hanlon. Stan is incredibly hesitant to go to, and says he needs time to think about it. Or tht he'll try. He can feel the starts of a Panic attack, and as he's remembering the circles of Hell he went through as a child, he tries to hold himself together. He doesn't want his darling wife to see his break, so he says "I think I'll take a bath" and nothing else before going upstairs. he hides in the bathroom. He closes and locks the door, because, well, he's panicking. Locking doors is one of The Small things he does. Is it usually the bathroom door? no, but still (OCD is a bitch, and even with medication, but this is a special case). He looks in the mirror and tries to breathe. This is fine. He can do this. They killed IT once before and they can do it again. He thinks about his younger self, the promises made, and how he could explain all of this Patty in time to catch a flight to Maine. It's terrifying, but if his friends are going to bite the dust, he wants to be there with them, wedding vows be Damned. Then he looks at his reflection again. A younger, rotted version of himself stares back at him. IT crawls through the mirror. Stan freaks out, obviously. This isn't real. This Can't be real. But IT utilizes this notion against him. It digs it's claws into his arms, and forces him to bleed out in the bathtub. IT then sets the scene nicely. Razorblades on the counter, a bloody signature on the wall, a horrible posture of Stan's neck. So on and So forth. and then IT returns to Derry. IT's a little weak, yeah, but Stan is dead. That's what matters. the Lucky Seven has now Officially broken, and the balance shifts in favour of the clown.

So that's the theory. feel free to correct me on anything or engage I have plenty of theories on this story and I like discussing this stuff :).

[munchmemes]

cxgf lyrics.  (  season three, part one.  )

❛  where’s a woman’s pride without her man? ❛  my reason for living has abandoned me. ❛  i can’t stay here forever but i also can’t bear going back to my life, facing pity and stares. ❛  i ran away like some scared little boy. i want revenge for my broken heart but i’m so devastated, i don’t know where to start. ❛  my defenses are down after his sneak attack. ❛  do i let him win or do i fight back? fight back? ... fight back. ❛  right now, we’re angry and sad. ❛  it’s our right to get righteously mad at every member of the opposite sex. let’s not distinguish between them at all. let’s just drink a lot more alcohol. ❛  all men are completely repressed. all men only want to have sex. there are no exceptions. all three billion men are like this. ❛  this is a kind of primal ritual we need now and then. ❛  all men are stupid and childish, even the ones who are smart and mature. ❛  all men do each and every day is watch porn, eat wings, burp, fart, and snore. ❛  crazy is when i go off the rails, this is what you’ve done to me. ❛  don’t mess with a bitch who’s crazy in the head. ❛  i’ve got my head in the clouds ‘cause that’s where heaven is. ❛  go no cares anymore. no obligations are holding me down, that’s what religion is for. ❛  reality was getting so complicated, all the drama was getting insane but now i’ve given my life to mr. jesus christ. ❛  i’m speeding down the carpool lane ‘cause god’s my E-Z pass. ❛  my whole life i’ve wanted to be bad but whenever i tried, the result was always sad. ❛  lead me to the dark side like a lamb to slaughter. ❛  you’re a soul-sucking, corporate piece of trash who only cares about sex, lies and cash. ❛  you’re like professor snape in his sad dungeon with his potions. ❛  thongs are so uncomfortable. ❛  the buzzing from the bathroom has finally been explained. ❛  i used to think i was a hero. can’t believe she didn’t come. ❛  after everything you made me do that you ‘didn’t ask for’ you pay me back with rejection, pain and loss. ❛  i now associate toilets with heartbreak, welcome to the hell i’m living. ❛  you gave me that worthless proposal and not even two weeks later, i made out with my boss when we got stuck in an elevator. ❛  you’re nothing without me and my selfless humility. ❛  i held you up despite the fact you lack brains and ability. ❛  after everything i’ve done for you, i thought love was the reason why but now ... i say goodbye. ❛  what does the future hold? what will tomorrow bring me? ugh. ❛  might be an uphill climb but i just gotta find what’s at the end - please don’t make me say this - of this rainbow? ❛  ugh, oh, i guess it’s time for a story. ❛  that was a living nightmare.  ❛  deep inside there’s something still ain’t right so then ... i go to the zoo! ❛  i look at the monkeys. their eyes look like my eyes. ❛  it’s so relaxing at the zoo, saying ‘what’s up’ to kangaroos. my boys awake cause they’re nocturnal. ❛  my favourite is probably the cheetahs but i ain’t messing with no zebra. ❛  i know the nightguard at the zoo. his name is ron, my man’s legit. he knows that i love panda canyon, sometimes he lets me bottle feed the cub. ❛  sometimes even the zoo isn’t enough so then ... i go to the aquarium. it’s like a zoo for fishies. ❛  i used to think my mother was the worst. that if she didn’t kill me, i’d kill her first. ❛  maybe she’s not such a heinous bitch after all. ❛  i don’t want to bash her head in with this cup. it may sound harsh but that’s a huge step up. ❛  i still hate her, don’t get me wrong. ❛  i still hate her, don’t get me wrong but it’s more like the way normal girls hate their moms. ❛  all i ever prayed for every day was to resent my mother in a regular way. ❛  maybe old age has tamed this with and made her a doll. but like one of those evil haunted dolls. ❛  i feel like this isn’t about me. ❛  clearly they’re projecting all of their feelings about a person i’ve never met and making it about me. ❛  i’m not the best with social cues but this one’s pretty clear. ❛  when i tried to find the reason for my sadness and terror, all the solutions were trial and error. take this pill, say this chant, move here for this guy. ❛  i could really rock a tinfoil hat. ❛  i’m aware mental illness is stigmatized but the stigma is worth it if i’ve realized who i’m meant to be, armed with my diagnosis. ❛  the naturopath said it was sex addiction. yes, i like penises, but who doesn’t? ❛  what’s your hashtag? ❛  yeah, that’s not a movement. ❛  i was so young, he was so big and strong. i can’t believe that he’s right here. ❛  how could i ever forget the first penis i saw. ❛  all of the penises i’ve seen his had the biggest impact. ❛  i didn’t know what to do next. i didn’t have that part planned. ❛  i just made a new buddy. ❛  i got only good things to say about my friend’s dad. it’s all the fun of having a dad without the painful history. ❛  he’s a literal drunk but that don’t bother me ‘cause he’s not my dad. he’s my friend’s dad. ❛  it’s the healthiest relationship i’ve had with a man. ❛  if we were related, we’d probably fight a lot. ❛  my sperm is nice and healthy. in terms of sperm, i’m wealthy. ❛  even though i’m no teenager, my boys still throw a rager. ❛  you’ve brought me joy and you’ve made me smile but now that you’re grown ... why are you still here? i don’t understand. ❛  it’s time to get your ass out of my ass. ❛  seriously, why do you still live with me? ❛  let me be clear, i want you to disappear. ❛  perhaps that was mean but i think you should know how frustrated i’ve been that XY and i can’t have sex as loud as we want. ❛  my church friends think it’s a shame. they say my son is so lame. ❛  what’s up with the random rowboats? ❛  thanks to your feet, this house smells like sauerkraut.

[galactic-magick]

I Choose You: Kyoya Ootori x Reader

Summary: Your parents and the Ootoris set up an arranged marriage between you and Kyoya for business reasons.

Words: 3100+                                          

Warnings: swearing, angst

Author’s Notes: uhhhh so my hand slipped and I wrote a whole ass Kyoya fic cuz I love that bitch I’m not sorry. (btw normal text is present and italics are flashbacks. Gender neutral pronouns and language for reader!)

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Your reflection in the mirror haunts you. It hurts. You can’t pretend it’s all a nightmare anymore, this is your reality. The reality you didn’t choose.

But maybe you would if the circumstances were different.

Servants, tailors, and seamstresses are fluttering all around you, making adjustments to your wedding ensemble. It looks perfect, more than perfect. It’s everything you ever wanted, and it looks amazing on you. You continue to stare at yourself in the mirror, knowing how proud your parents would be when you walked to the front of the wedding ceremony. They would be happy, even if you weren’t.

Your parents business has been failing for months now, and they needed to fix it fast. The Ootori family agreed to help if you married their youngest son as a symbol of the partnership. Of course your parents wouldn’t threaten you if you didn’t do it, but you knew how much they needed it. You’ve always known there was a chance you’d end up in an arranged marriage anyway, even if you’ve also always dreamed of love. You were willing to give up a love marriage in order to help them, and after all, you could certainly do worse than Kyoya. You knew he’d treat you well and provide for you, and quite frankly you couldn’t imagine him caring enough to hurt you or bother you.

 “Thank you so much again for making this deal with us,” your father nodded.

“Of course. Your company has quite a few valuable prospects,” Mr. Ootori smiles.

You gazed at Kyoya across the room, who’s barely made any eye contact with you the entire time. You could tell he wasn’t thrilled about this either, but there was something else, something more than disinterest. Was it anger? Determination?

“Shall we leave them alone for a bit? They should get to know each other better if they’re going through with this, don’t you think?” your mother suggested, gesturing to you.

“Certainly,” Mr. Ootori sat up and left the room, your parents following soon after and shutting the door.

“So…” you started, trailing off. What was there even to say?

Kyoya shot up from his chair and began pacing around the room, settling for a few moments by the window but soon going right back to pacing. He chewed his pen a bit, occasionally scribbling things down on his notepad.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

He continued to ignore you, deep in thought.

“Look, I get that you don’t like me, but can we at least talk? I’m going to have to live with your ass for the rest of my life you know,”

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” his eyes finally met yours, almost so much it was frightening. “You’re quite attractive actually and I don’t see any reason we wouldn’t get along. But that doesn’t negate the fact that this was forced on us. We have every right to be angry,”

You were stunned that the first thing he said to you was so direct.

“I mean, I guess so,”

“My father doesn’t know how much power I truly have over his company. We could take it from him and make our lives whatever we want. We could continue to work together or we could separate if that’s what you desire. They’ll be sorry for forcing their will on their children,”

“What about my parents?”

“What about them?”

“They’ll go bankrupt without this deal. They’ll lose everything,”

“Their deal is with the company, not my father. Once I become the head I’ll make sure they get what they need,”

Damn, he really had all this planned out.

“How long will we be married before you do all this?”

“It will take at least a year, possibly two. Too quick and we’ll raise suspicion, too slow and we’ll miss our chance,”

You nod. It made sense, but you couldn’t help but feel cheated. He didn’t care about you in the slightest, he was simply using this unfortunate marriage situation for his own gain and revenge. What were you supposed to do for the short time you were married? Sit around his mansion and wait?

You huff, “Look, I’m glad you’re getting some good out of this, but don’t you think we should at least try to be friends? I’m not just going to sit here and be a tool for your masterplan. Whether you like it or not, we’re going to be partners for a while and I’d rather not spend it being bored,”

Kyoya blinked. Clearly he didn’t calculate any sort of relationship into his plan, and the fact you weren’t blindly going along with it confused him.

You roll your eyes, “Can’t we at least go out to dinner a few times? You know, talk a little bit?”

“That sounds dangerously close to a date,”

“So what if it is? You said yourself you think I’m attractive and you think we’d get along,”

“I suppose I did,” he smiled.

 You decide to turn around, hoping not seeing yourself for a few minutes will distract you.

You sincerely hope everything will work out, hope that everything will turn out fine. You trust Kyoya, he’ll do anything he can to keep his word. Your parents will be taken care of. You will be taken care of. His excuse of a father will be out of the picture.

What will you even do when it’s all said and done? Go off on your own? Get more education? Travel? Find love with someone else?

The future’s never been more terrifying.

At least you won’t be miserable. You can tell Kyoya’s made an effort to care about you throughout your engagement, he won’t be an awful husband for the year or so you’ll be married.

But does he really care about you? Or he just acting like it because you asked him to?

 Kyoya picked you up in his limousine for your first “date,” taking you to a fancy restaurant downtown. Surprisingly he was the one to initiate conversations during the whole thing, asking you about your life, your hobbies, your interests. You found you actually have a lot in common, and you end up talking for hours, literally until the restaurant closes and kicks you out.

“I would take you somewhere else, but I’m afraid it’s getting too late,” he said, opening the door of the limo for you to get in.

You frowned. You were actually having a really good time.

“Tomorrow?”

“Hmm?” he raised a brow.

“We could hang out again tomorrow?”

“Sure,”

 You opened your eyes, awoken from some noise outside. You looked around, assuming it was just some branches brushing against the side of the house. You rolled over, trying to get back to sleep.

The banging starts up again, and this time when you sat up you could almost swear you saw a hand through your window.

You stood up, trudging over and opening it.

“Kyoya? What the fuck are you doing?!”

“It’s tomorrow,” he smirked. You gaze at the clock. He’s right, it’s nearly 1 AM.

“I never pegged you for the sneaking out type,”

“Well, I do most of my best thinking at night, so I like to sit on the roof or go for a walk once everyone’s asleep,” he took a look at you in your pajamas. “Would you like to accompany me?”

“Give me a sec,” you shut the curtains and slipped on some clothes and freshened up a bit. You returned and started climbing out the window, Kyoya helping you get down to the ground.

“Where would you like to go?” he asked.

“This was your idea,”

“I suppose so,”

He ended up leading you to a small park his family owned, with a little pond and some benches and trees. You sat down and looked around, listening to the distant sounds of the night.

“I misjudged you, Kyoya,”

“You thought I was an asshole, didn’t you?”

You laughed, “Yeah, just a bit,”

“I certainly can be, I won’t claim otherwise,” he sat down next to you. “But I’m not opposed to expanding my horizons. You offered a valid point. A friendship and partnership may very well be in our best interests,”

“Ugh,” you groaned. “There you go again with your best interests shit,”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re telling me that you’re only trying to be friends with me because it’s in your best interest?”

“Is that…not how friendships work?” he squinted. “I am interested in being friends with you. I am interested in being your partner. Why does that upset you?”

“Because you’re talking about me like my love and respect is something for you to take or gain,”

“I apologize,” he hummed. “I’m afraid I don’t have much experience in the type of relationship you want,”

“You’ve never had a real friend? You’ve never cared about anyone for who they were more than what they could give you?”

“No, I have. Just not many,”

You almost felt…bad for him. He was trying, at least.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t be so harsh,” you looked at him. “I know we can make this work. We just need to be patient with each other, that’s all,”

“Alright,” he agreed.

You continued your conversation from earlier, and things felt good again. You really do get along well, it’s a shame you weren’t actually in love.

 You check your phone, seeing a text from Kyoya sent just a few minutes ago. You open it, and he’s asking where you are because he wants to talk to you. You tell him no, not today, but he insists.

You stop responding, figuring no matter what you say he’ll come anyway. You didn’t tell him where you were, but a quick questioning of a few servants and someone would tell him.

You don’t particularly want to see him right now, not like this. This is your time to feel bad about yourself and lose your mind worrying about the future, and he’s not going to help that.

You don’t hate him, quite the opposite, but he’s only a reminder of what you have but could never be.

 You and Kyoya have gone on several more outings over the past few months, and it’s getting closer and closer to the wedding. He’s taken you to all his family’s properties, resorts, parks, and more. You’ve gone to almost every restaurant in town (yes, even commoner ones, you both found it entertaining), and you’ve spent many nights walking around the city. You’ve spent days indoors playing board and card games and watching movies. You genuinely enjoyed spending most of your free time with him.

But tonight’s a bit different.

Tonight you won’t be alone, on your own terms. Tonight was the rehearsal dinner, and of course both your families were going overboard. Barely any of it was going to be spent actually rehearsing for the wedding. There’s going to be dancing, food and drinks, and basically a party all night long.

Everyone’s going to be watching you, everyone’s eyes are going to be on you.

You met up with Kyoya after getting ready so you could walk in together. You put on your most formal outfits, besides the ones for the wedding a few days from now.

When he saw you, he averted his gaze immediately as if he’d just caught you naked.

“You look good,” he coughed.

“So do you,” you laughed.

He offered you his arm and you took it, walking down the hallway into the ballroom.

You had to do an awful lot of greeting before doing anything else. Everyone wants to talk to you and congratulate you, even people you swear you’ve never met in your life. There’s a mix of family, friends, and other business partners. Some people were probably there simply because they could be due to their status, and had no interest in the celebration whatsoever.

When you’re finally free of conversation, you raced to the table to grab some refreshments. They prepared the best food possible, including some of your favorites.

Kyoya found you again just as you were finishing, offering his arm to you once again.

“May I have this dance?”

You almost choked, “You dance?”

“Of course I do. So is my fiancé going to refuse me or not?”

You smiled and shook your head, giggling a bit as he drags you to the floor.

No one was doing anything particularly complicated, just waltzes, and thank goodness that was the case. You could barely think straight from everything going on.

Surprisingly Kyoya wasn’t a stiff dancer, his movements were consistent but flowed perfectly with the music. He held you closer than you thought he would, but gently.

You felt your body heat up and chills in your stomach and down your spine. How are those two things even possible to happen at the same time?

Well, shit. You weren’t actually falling for him were you?

You thought these past few months would be tedious, but they’ve actually been some of the best of your life. Kyoya’s become your best friend, and gosh you want to spend the rest of your life with him. You understand each other. You both want to break away from your controlling families and finally find your own happiness. You can spend hours talking about everything and nothing. You can make each other laugh like no one else ever has.

Maybe this arranged marriage could become a love marriage. Just maybe.

But no. Kyoya made his intentions very clear. You doubt he’s developed the same feelings for you. He may see you as a valued friend, but he’ll fell nothing when you inevitably break off your relationship in a couple years.

Kyoya must’ve noticed you zoning out in thought, because he stops dancing and brings his hands to your shoulders.

“Are you alright? Do you need some air?”

You nodded, and he leads you out onto the balcony outside the ballroom, keeping a hand on your back.

You take a deep breath, desperately trying to compose yourself after your realization. Should you tell him? No, absolutely not. Bad idea.

Why did this have to happen? Now you were even more miserable. Were you really so weak that you had to catch feelings?

“It’s going to be fine, you know,” he assured you. “I know it seems overwhelming, but by the end of the week we’ll be on our own and they can’t constantly be on our backs anymore,”

“Yeah,” you sighed, your breath stopping in your throat. “Do you think anyone will notice if I leave? I’m exhausted,”

“They probably will, unfortunately,” he looked out at the view. “But we can stay out here until they notice,”

“Thanks,” you grumbled. Your head was throbbing.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

You managed to survive the rest of the night, barely.

You tried to get some rest, you have a fitting tomorrow, and then all you have to do is wait for the big day.

 You’ve been standing here for at least an hour, and you’re starting to get irritated. How long does it take to fit something? It looks fine.

You turn around again and stop breathing for a moment when you see Kyoya in the doorway. His hair is ruffled and he looks like he didn’t sleep at all, but there’s a smile on his face.

“I’d like to speak to my fiancé please,” he says.

You look away.

“Absolutely not! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to see each other’s outfits before the big day?” one of the tailors pipes up.

“Well, seeing as I already saw it, I don’t think it matters,” he motions for them to leave. “You’re dismissed,”

He waits until they’re gone before he approaches you, but by that time you’ve fallen down and started crying. You’re shaking on the edge of the platform you were standing on, your hands covering your face.

“You’ve been avoiding me all morning. What’s wrong?” he asks.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” you sniffle. “For everyone else this is the best time of their life. But it’s not for me,”

Kyoya crouches down in front of you.

He doesn’t cut in, so you keep going, “Look at me. I look great, I look just like how I wanted to as a kid, but it’s all wrong. Everything’s wrong. I thought I was okay with this, but I’m not. I hate this. I don’t hate you, but I hate this,”

You keep sobbing, trying to pretend he’s not there watching you. It’s not too hard actually, since you can barely see through the tears.

“Well, I suppose this might be the worst time to tell you what I was planning to tell you,” he tries not to laugh as not to be insensitive, but it comes out anyway.

“W-What?” you rub your eyes, seeing him a little clearer.

“I know this won’t fix anything, but I want you to know I do genuinely care about you. It was never part of the original agreement or plan, but I’ve come to feel more for you than I’ve felt for anyone. I just…I want you to know that. You’re not a tool to me anymore,” he takes a deep breath, “I love you,”

You stop crying for a moment, too shocked for the tears to keep flowing. Did he really just say that?

“I understand that you probably don’t feel the same, which is alright. I will still honor our original plan, get you everything you wanted, and allow you to leave whenever you please. But if you’ll have me as your husband, a real husband, you’re welcome to stay,”

The sobs break out again, barely able to get out the words, “I love you too,”

“You do? Really?” his eyes light up.

You nod vigorously, beaming through the tears, “Yes,”

“But you just said you hated this? That you were miserable?”

“Only because I thought you didn’t feel the same,”

“Oh,” he chuckles. “Well then,” he takes your hand and places his other on your cheek, looking into your eyes. “Will you marry me? Please?”

You laugh, “I guess,”

He smiles and pulls your face to his, kissing you softly. You take the initiative to deepen it, slithering your fingers into his tousled hair. He’s the last to pull away, and immediately pulls you back for more, even when you can barely breathe.

You can feel him smiling against your lips, his thumbs wiping all your tears away.

You thought you’d never know what it was like to be truly loved.

But now you do.

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More Author’s Notes: This is my first time writing for OHSHC lol. Might dabble in it more in the future cuz I had a blast writing this XD Hope you enjoyed and feel free to tell me what you think!

[emilyblame]

so i was thinking: album openers. what a great thing. every album has one. some of them go unnoticed. but some of them are like a bucket of cold water to your face (in a good way). so here’s my 10 favorite album openers in no particular order (i mean, i think technically they’re in alphabetical order by band because i need things to be somewhat orginized but--)

CAPRICORN (A BRAND NEW NAME) - 30 SECONDS TO MARS / 30 SECONDS TO MARS

omg the y o u t h ! but also why does Jared look exactly the same? this song is honestly one of my favorite things in the whole world because of the way it makes me feel when i listen to it. and i’m not sure i can quite put it into words but-- i guess it makes me feel... powerful? idk if that’s it. but it’s like, the anthem of reinventing yourself. also, this whole album feels like a sci-fi movie and i fucking love it.

BRIANSTORM - ARCTIC MONKEYS / FAVORITE WORST NIGHTMARE

bitch, the drums. b i i i i i i i i t c h. so, maybe Matt Helders III is one of my favorite drummers of all time. and i may also perhaps have a weakness for young Alex Turner because he didn’t give two fucks about being a little shit. ugh. i love Arctic Monkeys.

THE PHOENIX - FALL OUT BOY / SAVE ROCK AND ROLL

this song just sounds epic as fuck. which is the perfect start to an epic as fuck album. also, this being their comback album and this song’s first line being ‘you are brick tied to me that’s dragging me down’ is just one giant middle finger up in the air, fuck you haters and all. i know the first like is technically ‘put on your war paint’ but bear with me here.

PAPERCUT - LINKIN PARK / HYBRID THEORY

i already talked extensively about what this song means to me. it’s just perfect. it’s the perfect album opener. and i miss Chester :(

NEW BORN - MUSE / ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY

i mean... do i even have to explain myself here?

CAREFUL - PARAMORE / BRAND NEW EYES

talk about starting off with a bang. this is actually not only an amazing album opener in my opinion, but it’s also my favorite song from Brand New Eyes. it’s so strong and angry. like-- same.

THE HAUNTING - SET IT OFF / DUALITY

aaaaand speaking of songs being epic as fuck. the theatricality of this band. please. go listen to Set It Off. you won’t regret it. i promise.

SHUT UP - SIMPLE PLAN / STILL NOT GETTING ANY...

what i love about this song as an opener is that it sets the mood for the whole album. it’s loud and angry and doesn’t give a fuck. if you’re not singing and dancing by the end of this song, are you even listening to Simple Plan?

REVOLUTION - THE USED / IMAGINARY ENEMY

if i’m being really honest with you, i think all of The Used’s opening songs to all their albums are fucking brilliant, but this one is my favorite. mostly because of Jepha BEST BASSIST EVER Howard. that little riff at the end of every chorus... *chef kiss*. yas boi.

CHERRY RED - WATERPARKS / FANDOM (i still hate this album title)

last but not least. listen. i’m not a huge fan of either “Hawaii” or “11:11” (actually, i usually skip “11:11”), but “Cherry Red” is one of the best album openers out there. it feels like the very beginning of a movie. it hypes you up right off bat. it is so fucking good. it has every emotion this album has throughout collapsed into 1:25 minutes. it is... ~perfection~.

HONORABLE MENTIONS!

since Conventional Weapons is not really an album i couldn’t include “Boy Division” by My Chemical Romance. but if it were... uuuhhh boi. best album opener ever.

“Jumpsuit” by twenty øne piløts from their album Trench. what i like about this song is that it’s the heaviest on the album. it’s a scream to your face only to get your attention. then the rest of the album gently guides you through Tyler’s mind.

“Arms Unfolding”, dodie. now, listen here, i know Human is technically an EP, but we can look past that for a minute. this song barely has any instruments. it’s mostly vocalizations and i just think it’s fucking brilliant god i love dodie so fucking much what a taleeent! please stop sleeping on dodie (if you are-- if you’re not, here’s a star for you: 🌟).

now, let’s pretend for a second that “!!!!” + “Bad Guy” are one song. goddamnit Billie and Phineas are ridiculously good songwriters. i used to be one of those “wHaT’S tHe HyPE arOUnD BilLiE EiLisH?!” people, but then i listened to when we all fall asleep where do we go? and realized i was just clowning my way through life. the use of sounds that one wouldn’t normally put in a song-- now, i’m not saying they invented it, i’m just saying they do a really good job at it.

and, finally, since we’re pretending that intros and first songs are one thing, let’s not forget about “Thoughts That Breathe” + “Nightmare”. an absolute epic beginning to the most epic Set It Off album: Cinematics. psst! kids, go listen to Set It Off!

[bravo-four-seal-team]

Demons and Help?||Part 1/2

Co-written/Proof read: @disasterfandoms

Summary: Ashley is finally in Virginia, battling her own Demons, what could go wrong with being out at 5am? She did not expect to run in to the people or person she’s been trying to avoid A/N: Trigger warnings added, torture mention, blood mention, argument, captivity mention. (yes I know its early in the morning)

Tag: @rebelwrites @chibsytelford @galaxysanduniversesinmymind @velvetcardiganbucky @supervalcsi @abby-splace @itsonautopilot @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @pinkrockstar19 @softi92 @mrsmarvelous1995 @jayhalsteadfan-2417

“Tell me why you are in my country,” the figure asks, slowly walking around the area she was hanging from.

“For the view,” Ashley smirked, spitting blood to the floor, head snapping to the side as a hand connected hard with her cheek.

 “Get the wires,” the figure smirked as another two men moved in. She knew it was a battery; she’d been through this for the past two days. “I give you one more chance to tell me,” the figure said.

 Ashley spat in his face. “Bite me,” she snapped. 

The next few minutes were agony. She screamed as the wires came into contact with her skin, leaving behind marks of where they were being placed. Wheezing when it finally ended, “Get her down” the voice snapped, her arms unhooked from above her, the pain shooting through her shoulder, she was dragged over to a tub head shoved under, again and again, each time she struggled, causing her to swallow more water. She would be held as she was repeatedly struck in the stomach, then her head shoved back under the water. 

“She want to play savior, then we let her,” the figure laughed, selecting the whip on the table, the light reflecting off the metal shards in the leather. Ashley tried to break free as the whip was brought closer to her. Hands gripped her, holding her in place on her knees as the weapon came down on her back. She bit down on her lip, trying not to scream. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, her blood beginning to stain her back as the metal did its job in taking chunks out of her back. Eventually, she was thrown back into the small dark room, her hands bound. 

Ashley woke with a jump, soaked in sweat, shaking, and breathing hard. The ticking of the clock seemed so loud. At 5 am, she was trying to calm herself down. The shaking began to subside, breathing calmed. She was back in Virginia, hiding out in her apartment, staring at the ceiling, her neighbors arguing again, something smashing against the wall. She kept replaying everything, she got Trent’s email, but she never opened it, too scared to see the ‘Don’t contact me again’ in the main body.

The notification there on her phone and laptop haunted her, beeping every so often to say she had something unread in her inbox. Sighing, she swung her legs off the couch, getting up, looking about the table, beer cans lying around. That made more sense. It has been two months since the email. Nightmares plagued her, but she was clear for deploying again; the next place would be the Philippines, on base, helping training, nothing too serious. 

It took time for her to get ready. She was still stiff, pulling her shirt off the mirror, catching a reflection of the scars littering her back, still healing, slowly, eventually, she got washed, wrapped fresh bandages around herself then dressed in her civvies, grabbing her baseball cap, glaring at herself in the mirror. Her lip was stitched, that picture stuck in the corner of her brother and her, before she went off for her first deployment, quickly turning and grabbing her keys then leaving, door slamming behind her. 

Food shopping for the next few days...no coffee, coffee first. She had returned yesterday, finally clear to fly home correctly, so didn’t have any food in the apartment, part of deploying, get rid of food that would spoil, she never saw the point of even buying any personal items, the place came with a sofa and bed anyway, along with a TV, all she needed to do pay the bills and rent and buy food. 

“You know what, Trent, Fuck you! All you see is what she wants you to!” 

“Ashley, you are out of line.” 

“I thought you learned from the first one! Look what happened! Every single time I try to get to know them! They pull this shit!” 

“Ashley C Sawyer! Enough!” 

“No! You always believe what they feed you! Just like the first one, this one is spinning lies!”

“Are you shitting me? Watch where you are going, asshole!” Ashley snapped, eyes narrowed at the man who walked into her. 

“What did you say bitch” he snarled.

 “You hard of hearing or what?” Ashley countered, squaring up to the taller man, not in the mood to deal with anyone. 

The man huffed and walked away, grumbling about psychopaths. 

“Don’t even bother contacting me until you learn to grow up!”

“Oh, come on! You're gonna support her?! After what she just said?” 

“Get the hell out of my life.”

“I’d rather die than be in your life, Trent. Good to know my brother doesn't even have my back!”

“Get the hell out!” 

Pushing the door open to a small coffee shop, walking over to the counter, the Barista smiling and greeting her. “What can I get you?” the woman asked. 

 Ashley sighed “large, strong coffee with cream,” she said, getting her wallet out of her coat pocket, handing the money over. “Keep the change for whoever does not have enough to get something,” she stated; it was usual for her to say this as she took the to-go cup and left. 

Phone beeping again, that unread email haunting her still and walking along the street thinking about what she needed to get. It was quiet. She was glad; no one was around this early in the morning. She could hear footsteps behind her. She went on full alert, moving to the side to let the person go. 

As they ran by, she heard “Thanks!” being called back to her.

“Yeah, no problem,” she muttered, never looking up. Moving to continue to where she was going to go, she didn’t know where but walking around aimlessly customarily worked. 

“Sawyer, you good?”

“I’m fine, Cole.”

“He responded, are you going to open it?”

“Knowing him, he’d respond to tell me how much Bullshit I spouted and to keep away from him.” 

“You don't know that. People change.”

“Cole, keep out of this” 

“You can’t avoid it forever. Better to open it at some point.”

“Better to ignore it than being crushed, Gunny.”

She walked down the street, hearing a couple up ahead, someone complaining about night shifts, the man chuckling, she couldn’t make out what he said, but again she stepped to the side, allowing them to go past.

What she did not expect to hear was the woman to speak up and say, “Ash?” her stomach dropped, head hung low, she couldn’t do this, trying to focus on not shaking, trying to hide her face. It was too early for this.

 “Ashley,” that was Trent, now she needed to get out of there. 

Why of all the days did it need to be the one morning she was dealing with her things?

“You look like hell,” Amelia said. “Are you okay?” she asked, and Ashley snorted. Was she okay? Three months in hell, now seeing the people she was trying to avoid for the majority of her life? No, she wasn’t okay. She was in a literal nightmare. 

“Fine, just tryna get to the base,” Ashley lied with ease, glancing at the two. Trent still was not saying anything; he kept his expression neutral. He was trying to think what to say. He hadn’t received a response. He could see the way she held herself; he knows pain; he knows that haunted look she has all too well. 

“Sorry, I ugh, gotta meet Cole for target practice,” Ashley mumbled, moving around them quickly. She needed to make sure she got away from them. Her chest was tight, her head hurt. She stumbled around a corner, making her way to a bench and sitting down, setting the coffee on the ground and leaning forward, head going between her knees, trying to calm herself down.

Trent had walked Amelia back to her apartment, with her telling him to talk to her and something was off. He agreed with her, not wanting to argue, memories of their previous fight still in his mind. He did not want to be on Amelia's wrong side again. 

He walked back towards where they had seen Ash and then proceeded towards the way she had taken off. Glancing at the time, 6:30 am, which meant it would still be quiet. Walking the quiet streets, it wasn’t long before he located her. It was clear she had just got herself down from a panic attack, so he didn’t want to spook her.

 “Ashley,” he called out. If she had reacted any quicker, she would have got whiplash. 

“You good?” He asked, walking over. Ashley could be what many described as a deer caught in headlights. “Mind if I sit?” 

Ashley shrugged, trying not to react. This is the one thing she wanted to avoid, looking ahead as Trent sat beside her. “Didn’t read it, did you?” he asked quietly, elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forward slightly.

 “Didn’t have to, knew what it would say,” she whispered back. 

“What would that be?”

“To keep away from you, people you know, and your life.” 

He supposed he deserved that response; the argument was ugly. When things came to light about what happened, a year later, when wife 2 wanted a divorce, it was too late to repair anything. 

“Ash, it never said that,” he says, looking out across the park. “You were one of them... one of the Marines captive?” he says, not getting a response. “Whole base heard about it; no names are given out to anyone not in the Marines. I was deployed at the time. Our base was chaos. The Marines on base were talking, whispering about what happened,” he sighs, “I expected to hear on the news you were dead,” he said calmly. 

“That makes your life easier?” Ashley says, voice going cold, fist-clenching on her lap. 

“No.” he sighed. “Would make life a lot harder. I got back from a spin up, lost a brother, then a few days later, you emailed.  All I could think was that it was a joke, realized it wasn't.  Amelia and I argued about it.”

“Why are you here?” She snaps; looking at him, he could see the extent of damage to her face. Her black eye is still healing from having her nose broken and set correctly, along with stitches and minor cuts littering her face.

 “To make sure my baby sister is okay. If you had read the email, you would have seen me offering to meet you at the airport, along with wanting to help with your recovery-”

“I don’t need your help; done fine without it.” 

Trent stood up, Ashley mentally preparing herself to walk away again, only for him to kneel in front of her. “What happened in the past happened, okay? We both said things we regret. I'm here now to help, and I can guarantee that Ames will help out as well,” he said, watching her reaction. “Got time for coffee, and I can wrap those wounds properly.” 

Of course, he’d notice when someone hadn’t correctly changed dressings or wrapped their wounds properly. He deals with Bravo and them not treating injuries properly daily, so it was easy to spot. He was grateful it was warmer than it had been the past few days, so being outside for this long, he didn’t mind.

“I’ll pass, thanks,” Ashley muttered, pulling her sleeves down. “Look, I’m not...I ain’t expecting you to play big brother Trent, or give a damn,” she muttered, tugging her cap down to try and hide her face more. She was not in the mood to be poked, prodded, or questioned.

“I don't need to play it when it's my job.” he states with a frown, “Come on, get up,” he said, carefully getting her up. “You look like shit. Have you been sleeping?”

“This is just my face, Trent.”

“You look exhausted. You’ll come back to mine. I can check those wounds, then you can grab some sleep after you take painkillers,” He said, frowning. 

“Hell no, you aren't!” Ashley stated, her eyes going wide. “Not happening at all! No way,” she said, not moving from her spot. Shaking her head, she did not want anyone near the wounds on her back. She would keep those as quiet as she could. The look she was getting from her brother was telling her she would need to give him an answer as to why. 

“Look, I just want to go to the range, go home, sleep, and get ready for a deployment in a few weeks, that's it,” she says, binning the cold coffee.

 “Do you want to talk about what happened, Ash?” The SEAL asked, worried that she would end up worse if she shut down more than she already was. He finally got her moving, leading her to his truck. 

“No, I don’t want to talk about it, not with you,” she states. “I got a shrink,” she lied. It was easier than saying, ‘oh yeah, goes from being tortured to you laughing at what happens at me.’

 Ashley fell into a light sleep 5 minutes into the drive. 

The water was dripping on the ground; she’s lying on her side staring at the door. She's tired of fighting. She wants to sleep, but when she sleeps, bad things happen. The metal door opened, men entering with weapons, another one entering and hauling her up, dragging her out. 

Arms being hauled up over her head, the restraints being hooked onto the metal hook hanging from the ceiling. 

“Shall we do this again” the man smiled. 2 months, 25 days, this had been going on. She’d begun learning to keep track of how many times she would be left alone, along with how the temperature dropped in the evening and warmer during mornings. 

“Who are you?” 

She was tired, mumbling “Marine Staff Sergeant Sawyer” everything was blurry. The dim light seemed brighter than anything she had seen. Her senses were being overloaded with different things: light, sound, the smell of decaying flesh. 

“Very good,” the man smirked, looking at the tools on the table. “Why are your people in my country?” he asks, smacking her when she didn’t answer. “I asked you a question!” 

“Dunno,” she muttered “why are we anywhere” she slurred, fighting to keep awake. Her body needed the rest to recover; she caught a glimpse of one of the rookies being dragged in, a gun being held to his head. 

“Shall we try that again?” the man asked, the rookie pleading for his life, but when she didn’t, the gun went off, and the young man fell forward, blood beginning to form a puddle, lifeless eyes staring at her. 

She ended up back in that small room. The dripping, she focused on that, zoning out, the screams of her teammates fading into the background.  

Ashley woke with a jump as Trent turned off the engine. Running a hand over her face, she cleared her throat. Trent chose not to comment on it; he’s seen friends, brothers who suffered from sleepless nights, hell he had them himself, so he knew what it was like.

He still wished she had spoken to him before signing up. He couldn’t figure out why she would even want to join the Navy after seeing the type of injuries that could be sustained. 

They remained quiet, Trent helping his sister inside, telling her to sit on the couch. She did so, the haunted look back in place. He was concerned about that. He wasn’t sure exactly what went down, but the stories circling base were all the same: unit ambushed, multiple dead, three alive. He moved to his office, walking to the shelf where he kept his kit then returning out. “Easier to get this over with, kid,” he states, surprised that she removed her jacket without a fight. “So, you spoke to Amelia a few months back. What do..you think of her?” 

“Don't matter what I think.” 

“Sure it does. You’re normally asking a bunch of questions that I can’t get you to shut up about.”

“That was past me; new me don't give two shits, head down don't ask questions.” 

He was not expecting that response. Quite frankly, he wasn’t expecting her to be so shut down. Starting on her upper arms, he frowned, noticing the burns.

 “Electrical?” he asked; at her nod, he just knew it was going to be worse.

 “They don't like the ones who fight back, Clarkes got off light:  a broken arm, a few broken ribs, was running a fever. Cole had about the same as me, just a bit better. I kept fighting: not giving information, get told not to. In the end, I was just tired.”

Trent made a mental note to speak to Amelia to see if she could spend a few hours with her; get to know Ashley better, see if she would open up more about what happened. “Nightmares keep you awake? It’s normal, you know, you can ask your doctor for some sedatives to get some sleep.” 

“Allergic,” Ashley muttered, “Learnt that one the hard way after being sprung from the confines of hell.” She made a hissing noise, “Ow! Take it easy,” she snapped, jerking her arm away 

“You haven’t been cleaning these, have you?” 

“Medics on base did before we were sent home here,” she grumbled, glaring at the swabs he was using, and whatever the stuff was that was burning the wound, the last person to use that stuff got a broken nose as a reward. 

“Stop being a baby.”

“Or what? Going to tell me to leave and not come back until I grow up?” she grumbled.

Trent stopped and looked up. “That was a low blow kid,” he said but left it; she was in pain. He was 100% sure he would call Amelia after she got a few hours of sleep to come over and help out with this situation. 

The dripping of the kitchen tap is all Ashley could focus on. 

‘He doesn’t hate you, you do know that, right? He told me stories about how you two were when he was still at home. You should reach out to him.’

 That's all Ashley could think about from her conversation with Amelia. She frowned, the last person to probably ever see her alive; she should have listened, should have reached out to her brother; this could be her last moment alive, and she’d die without getting the chance to say sorry. To let him know she didn’t mean what she said. 

As if on cue, the door opened: dragged out, chained, hung, beaten. This time they left her hanging there.

 “He told me he worries he’s going to see your name in the obituaries one day, that he won’t be called when you die. You think if he hates your guts, he would be worried for you?” there was Amelia's voice in her head again, her mind creating an image of the woman leaning against the wall watching her as she spoke. It was like she wasn’t allowed to die in peace; what was so wrong with that? 

Her arms and shoulders were killing her. They trick you into believing you have people who care, keep you fed and hydrated. They did it to Clarkes and Craig, who submitted to their tricks, thinking the men who offered the food were kinder people, but they weren't; they had given their names to them. Their beatings had stopped, but Ashley didn’t fall for their tricks. She’d heard enough about it, questioned SEALs who were on the base during her first few deployments about what not to do. She wasn’t going to let them break her, sure she gave up her rank and second name, but that's all they would get. 

One man came back in. This person was different, new; she had never seen him before, he never spoke. His specialty was using a cattle prod in open wounds, making her scream out in agony. 

“Ashley, I need you to focus on me.” 

Looking around, she couldn’t find the voice. 

“Ashley, you’re ok. Just focus on my voice. It’s safe.”

Trent. 

Blinking, looking confused, “You with me?” she heard Trent ask. He was sitting on her right side now, dealing with the dressings there. She could see the concern in his eyes. She kept silent for a while, not wanting to talk about anything, just happy to be in her brother's presence without a fight hanging over them. She wasn’t sure how long it would last. 

“I called Amelia. She’ll be by in a few hours. Want to tell me where your mind went?” he asked, finishing her right arm. “Need to look at your torso to see what needs to be done,” he calmly explained. 

“I was back there,” she whispered, “I don’t like being there, but I always end up there, or the argument,” She states, not moving at all. “I don't want you seeing Trent. Base Docs can deal with it,” she mumbled, looking away from him.

“I have dealt with all types of injuries, Kid.” He sighs, watching her. This was the reason he never wanted her signing up. “I'm not going to judge,” was all he said, but Ashley shook her head. This was one thing she was determined to hide. Trent decided to leave it for now. “You still take your coffee with a shit load of sugar?” he asked. 

“Strong with Cream, no sugar,” Ashley muttered. “I'm just gonna call a cab head to base.” 

“No, you aren’t. You’re going to sit there or lay down and get some rest. When Amelia arrives, you let her check those wounds you won’t show me,” he stated. Removing the medical gloves and throwing them in the bin, he headed to the sink in the kitchen to wash his hands. “You know which people got you out?” he asks, putting the used medical supplies in the trash along with open packets.

“Marine Unit with a SEAL Team...Alpha think Gunny said,” Ashley was blinking to stay awake. Trent just sighed.

 “Kid, get some rest. We’ll talk about everything once you can keep your eyes open.”  He walked back over, getting her to lay down. He shook his head at the fact she had pretty much passed out, then unfolded the blanket at the back of the couch and placed it over her. He would talk about everything, though right now, he’d need Amelia's advice on it all. 

[smoothcriminal-minds]

13x01 “Wheels Up”

First of all, why did they have to kill Walker?? What did that poor man ever do?

But can we take a moment to appreciate Garcia’s full name and how pretty it is

Rossi finally realizing Emily is gone, papa pasta be worried

Scratch’s face literally haunts my nightmares

Emily crying for Stephen hurts me

One happy ending in this show just leads to a cliffhanger that is set to destroy us all

“As for you two assclowns...”

Even injured and in a hospital bed Rossi still manages to be his sassy Italian self

Why is Scratch casually clipping his nails? Nasty

Sir, Emily would gladly have that stroke before she told you anything, especially about Hotch

Everyone on this team is a goddamn g e n i u s

Seeing your favorite character in pain is the equivalent of a knife to the heart

Have I said lately how much I love David Rossi?

Rejecting a hug from JJ? Unheard of

“I love Jack...I will not betray him or his father so it doesn’t matter what you do to me, I will not break”

We love a beautiful display of loyalty

“You threw a book at a window, it was jarring”

Son of a bitch do not make me watch Emily die again

Atta girl, drugs have got nothing in you

I love that she bites him

“Lower your weapon dammit”

Ugh, a good Reid x Emily hug always eases the pain

Emily always blames herself for everything and it makes me so sad

“Wheels Up”

The end ✌🏼

[cynthiaandsamus]

Custom Toonami Block Week 70 Rundown

Code Geass: So Lelouch is gonna go join Nunally’s ‘let’s all hold hands and get along’ area but literally no one wants to go after Euphy murdered everyone last time. You’d think there’d be at least one dumbass like “Maybe it won’t be a massacre.” But yeah Zero’s like “Oh well I just happen to have a million people I can give to the zone if you exile me and let me go scott free” and everyone’s like “that’s a super shitty thing to do but okay” so then Zero tells Suzaku that culture is stored in the titty and all the one million people do their I am Spartacus thing and wear Zero’s costume which had to be a logistical nightmare, like Zero’s outfit already is pretty expensive with the fancy clothes and the helmet and shit and some of them are randomly customized even though that defeats the purpose like how do you do this on a terrorist budget in a few days without anyone in the government finding out. Like “we received an order for a million pounds of the thing used in Zero’s helmet on the black market” seems like it’d stand out. But yeah, the million Zeros get away, partially because of the “dogs playing basketball” rule that they’re all Zero because their culture of being Zero is stored in their titty which wouldn’t hold up in court but also because if they just kill a million people who’re just trying to leave that’d be bad for the government, not that they’re not used to genocide and being hated as Imperialists but Suzaku specifically doesn’t want that on his and Nunally’s hands while they’re trying to actually do shit for Japan for once. Feel like there’s probably a good cause for peaceful detainment and not letting them just walk out but it’s not like they’d find Lelouch or whoever the supposed second Zero was anyway even if they strip-searched everyone since he was never there and if it isn’t Lelouch the only thing that makes him Zero sight-wise is the mask.

Inuyasha: So yeah we get the conclusion of Shiori’s story for Inuyasha and I just can’t help thinking about how nice it is that she went on to help a lot of other half-demons in Yashahime because of an act of kindness that Inuyasha showed her right here, really good ripple effect shit. But yeah Shiori gets pissed that her grandpa killed her dad and Kekkaishi YEETs him and his followers out of the barrier so Inuyasha can backlash wave the lot of them. We still got fifteen minutes left though so even after Inuyasha says he’s not going to murder a little girl for a powerup that’ll get power crept in a few seasons, Shiori offers him the blood coral crystal to break to give him the powerup instead as thanks for not fucking murdering her. We can’t have the climax of the episode just be Inuyasha smacking a crystal ball though so Taigokumaru’s spirit yeets itself out of the crystal and fights with Inuyasha and attacks Shiori but her dad makes a barrier to bounce him off of so Inuyasha can kill him a second time and get the Red Tessaiga. There’s some navelgazing about how life as a half demon is rough but how Inuyasha thinks that hardship will be good for Shiori and he’s rooting for her in his own way and in Yashahime we see he’s right and all in all that’s pretty nice. Anyway next time we have the Panther Demon filler arc which is honestly probably one of my favorite filler arcs in Inuyasha so that’ll be fun.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke continues his fight with Suzaku and Suzaku splits himself into seven, which this doesn’t seem to be the Multi-Form or Shadow Clones deal where it divides his energy, each one seems as strong as the original so that’s just kind of broken. Keiko pulls a bait and switch on the zombies which neither Suzaku nor Yusuke see coming despite watching the whole thing on Spirit TV, guess Suzaku had the camera point at the door instead of on Keiko for some reason even though the point is to make Yusuke watch her die. Anyway Yusuke flashes back to Genkai telling him he’s a little bitch that always doubts himself and splits his energy across multiple plans instead of having the confidence to go for something with everything he has and make it work instead of holding back in case it doesn’t. This and remembering his mom crying over his death and all the relationships he’s formed makes him go Super Saiyan in what I can only describe as a Fully Body Shotgun which I don’t think ever comes up again. He knocks down all the Suzakus but it’s just time to start the real fight since Yusuke’s lifted his limiter again like he does in every fight.

Fate Zero: So the clusterfuck in the middle of Saber and Lancer’s battle continues to grow as Iskandar just fucking dares everyone to come at him and five of the seven servants actually do. Gilgamesh is all like “Ugh, why do I have to do this shit, breathing sucks, I’m a king, someone breathe for me.” And tries to murder everyone with spears and shit but turns out Berserker is Darth Vader this time around and uses the force to steal his stolen weapons until Rin’s dad is all like “Dude you’re showing the whole world our fucking moveset, get the fuck out of there. Which given that Gilgamesh is an archer which are supposed to be independent and he’s a fucking snobby asshole, even with a Command Seal I’m surprised that worked. Also Waver’s racist teacher is all “hah wow, I was supposed to have Rider and the token teenager character stole it from me” and Iskandar’s like “I like this kid that’s ride or die with me even though he cries all the time way more than someone who doesn’t even step onto the battlefield you stuck up prick” and then Lancer and Berserker double-team Saber (giggity) and Lancer’s not happy about it because he was fighting Saber first and doesn’t wanna just jump her with Darth Vader but more Command Seals are thrown around until Iskander runs over Darth Vader with his fucking Lightning Chariot and that’s kind of shitty because Racist Teacher man wasted a Command Seal to have Lancer attack Saber for like five seconds before making him retreat. Bug Dude is also kinda freaked out that Berserker just kinda went for Saber meaning she must be pretty pissed at Saber about something anyway so basically everyone runs away and nothing is really accomplished, we didn’t even really need Kiritsugu’s sniper shit or Assassins’s Ninja Bullshit for this everyone’s just had enough and goes home. Also Caster is a creepy yandere simp for Saber but really who isn’t in this series.

Konosuba: So Aqua’s ready to sit in a lake for a few hours to make some money but for the first time in her live her divine booty is not enough to solve this problem. She gets traumatized by getting attacked by demon alligators and Kazuma and co. are honestly uncharacteristically worried about her and ready to try and help her. Meanwhile generic isekai protagonist has a crush on Aqua despite already having his own harem of bland girls and wants to steal Aqua back but basically the whole group is so totally anti-White Knight they can see right through his shit and turn him down. Kazuma beats him up in the most Kazuma way possible and steals his magic sword, proving that not only is he not doing anything to defeat the devil king but he’s actively sabotaging those that are. Aqua fucking decks the guy and blackmails him so she’s rich now and Kazuma’s rich from selling his OP Isekai Cheat Sword. Also the Dullahan dude is back for revenge about bombing his castle and Kazuma’s like “Wait were we still doing that? Thought we stopped, oh well everyone in this world’s problems are our fault somehow so it sounds about right.”

Sailor Moon Crystal: So this time we get Makoto’s story who’s probably my favorite thus far because her job is punching shit and making sure Usagi doesn’t die from the hundreds of things ready to hit her on a daily basis. I have sort of found a redeeming trait for Usaig in that she’s willing to reach out to anyone and everyone, like she’s not what I would call traditionally ‘nice’ but she is friendly and that ability to pull disparate people together does kind of make more sense for why she’d be the leader rather than the other girls who have useful but more specific talents. But yeah continuing with the trend of things teen girls like trying to destroy the world, haunted bridal shop that also reveals Makoto’s tragic backstory of being a more believable version of Tall Girl. Makoto transforms and beats up the Bride lady with a combination of Zenbonzakura Kageyoshi and Azula’s lightning bending, no fair that she gets two powers but I guess she is the tough one so it make sense. Now we’ve basically got the whole crew except for the one that we already know is active but hasn’t joined the group yet so we’ll see how this goes.

Durarara!!: So Mikado’s in deep shit after stealing the girl away that half the town is looking for, all because he has it hammered into his head that whenever a girl asks for his help he has to give it. There’s a bit of discussion about the nature of the Dollars that I’m sure won’t be important later but both Izaya and Celty show up outside Mikado’s school and he’s kind of in an awkward position since there’s nowhere he can really go but home and lead them to the girl. So he decides to find out about them, or at least Celty, Izaya’s just kinda along for the ride. He gets Celty’s backstory and agrees to take her to the other girl only to get jumped by Yagiri thugs and pull out some Death Note animation internet shit that has even Izaya stunned, Mikado about to actually become the main character of this anime for a bit.

[isa-bella-cognition]

tw: claustrophobia, medical mention, hospital mention, needle/injection mention, drug mention

Okay. No one told me an MRI can take up to 1.5 hours. I don’t know why I only thought to look this up tonight – the night before. I leave in less than two hours. I read that it usually takes 15-95 minutes, depending on how much of the body is being scanned. Seeing as how this is for my spine, I can only assume they’ll want to scan my entire body. Great.

I looked up MRI’s the day mine was scheduled about a month ago. I was panicking cause I’d just realized my claustrophobia could present a problem, so I researched online to find out if MRI machines are fully enclosed – they’re not, thank fuck – and calmed down once I found read the answer. But tonight after I realized the MRI could take a long time, I’m anxious again.

Listen, not much scares me. I have anxiety in my body all the time, and I’ve been in some fucked up situations, so I’m very accustomed to the feeling of fear, BUT, very few things actually frighten me. Needles, blood, heights, snakes, the dark, being alone — those don’t phase me. But to call my claustrophobia bad would be an understatement. It pisses me off to think about it, cause yeah, I know there are primal reasons humans can fear tight spaces / engulfment, but it still pisses me off. I have this phobia that for the life of me I can’t get rid of nor control when it arises. I’ve been to two of those haunted house / interactive spooky entertainment places — the ones with spooky noises and people in costumes and shit? Nothing in there scares me (except for my heightened startle response – thanks, cptsd). But the time I went with my family... we were walking in a line, behind one another, holding on to the shoulders of the person in front of us... it’s pitch black.. all of a sudden there are two large fabric sheets on either side of us, and there’s air blowing them together so they envelope us as we walk. My brother, sister, cousin, Uncles, Dad, and Grandma all remember to this day — the sound of my blood-curdling “sounded like she was being fucking murdered” screams. Once I could stop screaming I yelled out the safe word “nightmare” and proceeded to bawl on my grandmother. Like a little bitch. lmao. See? Pathetic. The idea that I have this seemingly irrational fear that I can’t control is so annoying to me, despite the science suggesting claustrophobia is common and natural (due to evolutionary conditioning).

Anyway. Now that I know this could take a long while, I’m worried my claustrophobia could be a bigger issue than I previously anticipated. I figured, “I’ll just drink chamomile tea and meditate before I go, then take 2 Seroquel and I’ll be fine.” But now I’m a little worried that all the chamomile and seroquel in the world won’t help me lol.

Goddamnit. I better be able to maintain composure or I’m gonna be annoyed with myself. You’re supposed to stay as still as possible while getting an MRI. Plus, I can’t afford to reschedule; with covid, it’s so damn hard to get appointments anywhere 😒

OH. And to add insult to injury! The place I’m going to get the MRI? The hospital I haven’t been to since 2012. The hospital I stayed in twice, in their psychiatric wing. When I get emotional flashbacks when walking through a hospital, I’m thinking about this hospital. Fuck, moving back here might have been a stupid move. Ugh, whatever. No point thinking like that; I can move if I want to, that’s not a problem. Plus, I chose to move here, and for right now the benefits outweigh the negatives. Just gonna focus on what I can change and be grateful for what’s working.

Ugh, wish me luck 😒

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #360

“we are the ones that wanna play  /  always wanna go, but you never wanna stay”

"Crawling" or "In The End?" I want to say "Crawling," but I really can't be sure. Both are bomb. Is your window open? No. Monsters Inc. or Shrek? Shrek, my man. What did you last hear that made your jaw drop? Jason's mom died. What is the longest shower or bath you have ever taken? I remember as kids, Nicole and I would sometimes play 'til Mom made us finish because the water was cold by then. As an adult, idk about my longest shower. Do you have a preference of chocolate? Yeah, milk chocolate. Is there anyone you’d like to hug right now? Yeah. Could you ever picture someone writing a biography about you? Definitely not. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Do you shut off the computer when you’re done using it? No, I just close it. Do you usually catch a cold during the winter? No. I just about never get sick. Are you a good multi-tasker? NOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Is there a door knocker on your front door? No. Were you ever into Pokémon? Bitch I still am. Do you drink a lot of water? Sigh, no. I'm definitely better than I used to be, though; once upon a time, I literally never drank it unless I was extremely hot and dehydrated. Nowadays, it's usually after I finish my soda for the day that I then only drink water, normally around one full tall cup of it. Do you like fireworks? They're beautiful, but I'm personally against them out of respect for veterans suffering from PTSD as well as animals, because I'm not exactly interested in traumatizing them, either. Is respect given or earned with you? It's given, the way I think it should be. Are you “in the closet” about anything? No. Are you missing any teeth? No. Do you like scrapbooking? I've never gotten into it and am not really interested in doing so. What was or will be your first tattoo? It's a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist. Sometimes I've thought about getting it covered with a cooler design but the same concept; it was literally from Google, and I'm very much not into "sharing" tattoo designs with probably thousands of other people. But, I still think it really is cute, and it's just very special to me as my first, so idk. Do you have any tattoos dedicated to someone special? I have one written in Sara's handwriting inside a heart, and my "ohana" tattoo that I am 100% getting covered was dedicated to my former best friend Colleen. I've talked before about why "ohana" has never really resonated with me, and I just don't like it anymore at all. Thank God it's small. Do you like ghost stories? Oh HELL yeah, lay 'em on me. What was your favorite movie as a kid? The Lion King. Some things never change, ha. Do you own a lot of cookbooks? Mom has looooots, but never uses any. I think her mom gave them to her, so she just keeps 'em. What’s your father’s handwriting like? It looks like every other man's handwriting I've ever seen lol. All the letters are capitalized. Did you wash your hair last time you showered? I wash my hair every time I shower. I have to with it naturally being so oily. What does your shampoo smell like? Coconut. Do you listen to Guns N' Roses? Not a lot, but yeah. They've got some bangers. I actually want "Sweet Child O' Mine" to be the father/daughter dance at my wedding. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? Yeah, at my sister's wedding. What was the last video game that you beat? I replayed Silent Hill 2 a long time ago. Have you ever hyperventilated? Yep. Do you talk in your sleep? I scream in my sleep. Nightmares/terrors are a blast. Whose house did you last sleep over? Sara's. Have you ever been cut by scissors? No. Do you like peaches? It's odd, I like canned sliced peaches, but the actual, full fruit, I don't. I love peach flavored juice, though. Do you enjoy being surrounded by neighbors, or would you be more comfortable someplace secluded? Take me back to the middle of nowhere, please. I'm really not digging being in an actual neighborhood. Is there any sibling rivalry between you and your siblings, if you have any? Not at all. Do you usually root for the good guys or the bad guys? Ha, the baddies... Are you allowed to have pets at your house? We're allowed to have what we currently own and then maybe one dog if Mom finally finds one. Have you ever lived in a trailer park? No. Is there anyone that you know through the internet that you would feel comfortable meeting in person? There's quite a few, actually! Have you ever had a dream involving characters from a game/movie/television show? Yeah. What’s the last thing you wrote down? My signature, I think? Do you remember any phone numbers from years ago that now belong to someone you don’t know? No. Have you ever found something strange in your mailbox? No. Who was the last relative that came to visit you? My half-sister and her husband. Does your bedding all match? Not currently. Are you more comfortable with having short hair or long hair? SHORT. Are you interested in fantasy movies/shows? That's my preference. Have you ever gone whale-watching? No, but that'd be dope. What is something that you have a large amount of? Meerkat plushies. Who is it that you’re in love with? Nobody. Have you ever gotten love and infatuation confused? No. Do you have a steady income? No. Do you take your medications in the morning or at night? Both. Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? No, I wish. :( Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? MILK. I don't eat it with water. When was the last time you ran into someone that you didn’t want to see? Idk. Have you ever tried vlogging, and if yes, did you stick with it? Noooo, I'm completely disinterested in doing that myself. If you go to church, what is your favorite thing about it? I don't go. Even as a kid when Mom made me, I hated it. ^and what is your least favorite thing about it? N/A What do you do for exercise? I don't. .-. I want a pool SO badly to swim and strengthen my legs without having to worry about sweating or collapsing, though. Mom says we don't have space, but we definitely do. Not a lot, but enough. Do you have a birthmark? If yes, what color is it? Yeah, it's just a bit darker than the rest of my skin. Do you need to lose weight? Yes. My sister, Mom, and I very recently started a Weight Watchers subscription and we're all working our asses off to stick to it. Ash has already lost like, 12 pounds (she started before Mom and me), so I'm kinda hopeful. Have you ever had a cat? Growing up, after we took in a stray female, we ended up with a fucking empire of cats, literally around three dozen, I'd say. They were all outdoors, too, and not fixed because we couldn't afford it, so tomcats would come around and, y'know, make matters worse. Eventually, animal control took them all and I was DEVASTATED, but looking back, I understand it was necessary. Anyway, I have one cat now. Indoors and fixed and the prince of my world, haha. Have you ever had a dog? We've had a few. I was born with my dad having a collie named Trigger, but I don't remember her at all; she died of old age I believe when I was very young. Then we briefly had a pup named Angel, but she died due to that disease some puppies just have. We didn't get another dog until Teddy, who was my Christmas present, and he was put to sleep only last year, rest my baby's soul. We also had Dale, Cali, Delilah, and Bentley. Have you ever any other kind of animal? A LOT. I'm probably going to forget some, but we've had hamsters, rats, snakes, fish, a turtle, two lizards, gerbils, guinea pigs... just a lot. Animals have always been very important in my life. Have you ever had a pet rock? HA, yeah. I didn't take it seriously at all, but I had one. When was the last time you painted something? Not since my Painting course in my final college attempt. Do you have any disabilities? Not in the traditional sense, no. My social anxiety though is at such a severity that it majorly infringes upon my ability to do a LOT of things, though. What are five of your favorite stores at the mall? I couldn't name five. Just Hot Topic and Spencer's, really. What season do you want to get married in? AUTUMN. The actual dream situation would be to get married in the snow in a black dress, like can you IMAGINE the pictures, but realistically, it'd be in the fall to avoid the biting cold. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Yeah. Anything special planned for today? Nope. Blue or green? Blue. How much older/younger than you was the person you lost your virginity to? He's two years older than me. Do you still care for that person? Very much. Can you completely annihilate the first Mario game in less than an hour? I haven't even played the first game. I've never really been into the games to begin with. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes! I was OOOOOBSESSEEEEEED as a kid. I would usually play it after school when my mom was an assistant teacher and was finishing up her work for the day. Have you ever contemplated climbing a water tower? Uh, no. Those kind of people got some wanderlust levels that I ain't got, haha. If you have a Facebook, when was the last time you changed your profile picture? It's been a few months. Would you ever marry someone who was lower class? Um, yes? You can deny it all you want, but answering "no" is pretty much the same as saying you'd marry for money. Is there a guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? ugh Which do you prefer: English or math? English, by light years. Who is a singer that has given you chills? David Draiman's voice in the Disturbed cover of "Sound of Silence" is fucking haunting. Greatest cover of all time. Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I did when Sharon was a judge. Do you think you could win America’s Got Talent? Hell no. What act would you perform in a talent show? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Have you ever practiced yoga? Yes. I used to be BANGIN at it. What is your favorite thing to buy at the Farmer’s Market? Fruit! Do you get carsickness? No. What color is the rim of your full-length mirror? Black. What is your state’s bird (if you live in the US)? Cardinal. Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? I'm a sucker for ballgown dresses. Do you enjoy editing videos? I used to love it, for many many years. Now, I just don't have the dedication or motivation to. Do you enjoy editing photos? Yes. If you gave birth, do you think you would want it filmed? Um, absolutely not. I would have NO desire to look back on me shrieking my lungs out and essentially dying. I handle abdominal pain very poorly, so I've got a goooood feeling that if I actually wanted to have kids, I'd be that woman screeching like a banshee.

[wonderfulworldofwinchester]

Hold Me Til Morning

Prompt: “Shh, You’re safe. I won’t let you go.

Jack x Reader 

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Nightmares, Language 

A/N: This is my first Jack fic! Also I recently hit 1.7k followers, and I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful i am for each and every one of you! I am doing a giveaway to celebrate! All the info can be found at the link below :) 

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Being stuck around the bunker kinda sucks, but I guess that’s the price you pay for being reckless. Damn shapeshifter. At least, the crutches are gone. No more hopping all over the place. You had begged Sam and Dean to let you go with them, even if you just had to sit in the motel room and see no action other than research. Yea, That went over well. About as well as a lead balloon. “Hell no!” 

“Why?” You protested, crossing your arms over your chest. Dean stuck his hand out and pushed against your shoulder causing you to step back to regain your balance. Sharp pain shot to your knee as you foot came down, “ah shit!” 

He raised his brows and pointed, “That’s why!”. You swore your eyes would bore a hole right through him if you glared any harder. “Look, it sucks. I get it. You’ll be back out there in no time, but it’s just too big a risk right now. Let it heal.” 

Sam gave a sympathetic look over his brother’s shoulder, “He’s right. You need to heal up.” 

“Ugh. Fine.” You threw yourself down in the chair by the table. “I’ll be here to answer your every beckon like a freaking secretary.” 

“Y/N-” 

“I know. I know.” You waved them off, “Research is every bit important. Sometimes more important,” Your tone was nothing less than mockery as you sneered out every word. “It saves lives. You’re still on the team.” 

A week later, the phone rang for the millionth time, “What now? So help me god, Sam Winchester, if you woke me up to ask some stupid ass question again…” 

You could hear Dean’s laughter in the background as well as the bitch face Sam was wearing when he spoke, “Actually, we’re headed home. Be there about noon tomorrow.” He paused for a moment, “And we have someone with us.” 

“What? Who?!” You demanded answers, but were met with none. 

“We’ll explain when we get there.” The phone called ended with a click, and only added to your racing train of thought. 

When the door opened the next day,  you damn near competed in the Olympics to get over there to see who the hell they had with them. He was just a boy. Huh? He looked around the room with a child-like wonder. So curious about every little detail, wanting to understand it all, but without any context. His smile was wide and warm when his eyes landed on you, “you must be Y/N!” 

Cutting your eyes at the boys you gave a small nod, “Yea. Who are you?” 

His voice again carried an innocence to it like a child that almost made it eerie, “I’m Jack.” 

Sam stepped forward with what you can only assume was supposed to be a reassuring smile, “Y/N, this is Jack Kline-” 

Your head popped back and your eyes went wide, “Certainly, not Kline as in Kelly Kline. As in the Devil’s mistress, and mother of the freaking spawn of Satan.” 

“I know right.” Dean chimed in, “That’s what I said.” 

Cue the bitch face from Sam, “Look he’s not like his father, and he needs us. Plus, you know, keep ‘em closer and all.” 

“Fine, but it’s your ass Winchester. I want it noted, I was not a part of this!” 

A small giggle slipped from Jack’s lips as he watched you scold Sam, “You’re funny, “Y/N.” 

That was three months ago. It didn’t take long for him to grow on you. For some reason you quickly became his favorite person. He followed you pretty much everywhere, and that’s when Dean had to tell him that bathroom breaks were not a group activity. Which you had to admit was a pretty funny conversation to watch take place. 

The first couple weeks, Sam and Dean were somewhat grateful to have him taken off their hands so they could get some work done. Oh how that was turned on them. You and Jack were just like kids running through the bunker after that. Inseparable. He was quite adorable, and just oh so easy to mold. You taught him everything. Well, all the fun stuff. 

He was your own personal apprentice, ready and willing to help you prank the boys. He did have some questions to begin with. “Wait, won’t this make Dean mad?” 

“Oh, Jack, that’s the point, my dear.” You patted his shoulder gently, “It’s how you show love, Winchester style.” He shrugged and followed you into the elder hunters room trying to stifle a laugh when you attempted to somersault in like a ninja. 

Although he was practically joined at the hip with you, there were still some things that you managed to keep hidden. Mostly the scars years of hunting had etched into you. Not the kind that peppered your skin. No, these scars cut deep. The kind that sit and fester in your mind. The ones that either keep you awake at night, or haunt your dreams. 

You never let Jack see that side of you. You didn’t let him see the broken pieces that threaten to tear you apart. He needed stability. He needed someone to help him cope with who he was. He certainly didn’t need to be scared off by the crap rolling through your head at night, so you locked your door, and hoped to God that he never heard your cries. 

For months that worked, until one night it didn’t. You’d had one hell of a nightmare that left screams ripping from your lungs as you desperately tried to get a grip on reality and drag yourself from the horrors of the dream. Jack heard them from down the hall. Terrified that someone was hurting you, he bolted towards your room. “Y/N!” When he found the door locked, he busted it off the hinges, his eyes glowing a bright golden hue. His eyes fell on your body curled up on the floor by your bed, knees hugged tightly to your chest. “Y/N, Y/N. Are you alright?” You flinched when his hand made contact with your thigh, “Did something hurt you?” 

You finally managed to calm your breathing and answer him, “Yes. A long time ago.” 

“What do you mean?” He was so adorable with the way his head tilted and brows furrowed when he was confused. 

Sitting up , you placed your hand on his cheek, “Jack, I just had a nightmare. It’s okay.” He looked so hurt as his eyes looked over your form, still trying to make sure that you were in fact okay.  “I promise, it’s okay.” 

“Do you have them often? He asked.

Your eyes fell, to the small space in between you. You decided that honesty is important in this relationship. You owed him that much. “Most nights.” 

Jack looked like a puppy that had just been kicked, “I hate seeing you like this!” He was almost borderline angry at this point, “How do I fix it?” 

Oh precious lamb. “You don’t, Jack. It’s a part of a hunter’s life. With what we see they don’t go away just because you don’t like them.” 

He stayed silent for a while as he processed all this. Finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, “Please don’t shut me out.” 

“What?” You placed a hand under his chin, causing his eyes to meet yours. “I never wanted to keep you out. I just didn’t want you to see this side of me. The side that falls apart.” 

“No more locked doors.” He held out his pinky waiting on you to promise him. You had jokingly told him that pinky promises were the highest form of deals. 

You linked your finger with his, “Okay, but I don’t think I could if I wanted to”, You said looking over at the remnants of your door scattered around the entryway. His eyes apologised for him as they met yours, “It’s okay, Jack. Trust me, it’s not the first or last thing to be broken around here.” 

Two nights later, the nightmares were back. This time however, there were no barriers stopping Jack from racing to your side. He was quickly by your side, wiping tears from your cheeks, “Y/N, Y/N, it’s okay.” 

Your eyes opened to worry etched on his face as he tried to console you. Without a word, you shifted over in the bed. He slid in next to you, and you rested your head against his chest. Your body was still shaking with the aftershocks of the nightmare. Jack hesitantly placed his arms around you as fresh tears began to fall. The nightmare had been about him. You’d lost him. When he felt his shirt start to dampen, his grip got tighter, “Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go.” 

You stayed like that for the rest of the night. It was the best sleep you’d gotten in years. And Jack. Jack was content to just hold you and watch over you. He heard you when you said he couldn’t stop them, but he was determined he was damn sure gonna try. Nothing was gonna hurt his Y/N if he had any say in it.

When you didn’t come out for breakfast, Dean wandered down the hall looking for you. It was unusual for you not to be up and about by then. He stopped just outside your room and looked through the open doorway to find you still asleep, curled up into Jack’s side with him stroking your hair. Dean wanted to fight it, but he couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his lips. Even if he wouldn’t approve, he was glad to see you so peaceful.

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[ifandomalot]

This is Love. (2/3)

Summary: Steve makes you realize, touching isn't always so bad. Along with that there are consequences for actions that you have to live with. Steve makes a decision that might mean he losses you and his unborn baby forever.

Warnings: unexpected pregnancy, kidnapping, fighting, girl got some abandonment issues bc of this ya feel. But this is a timeline week by week, mention of abortion. Also i did not proof read this, a bitch is lazy so.

Part 1 / Part 3

The bright light of the sun peaks through the cracks of broken curtains, the small breaks of brightness illuminating the soft features of your face. Steve's eyes flutter, long eye lashes form a pattern of touching his cheeks and below eyebrows, the body’s way of deciphering if it was time to get up. Even stuck between the veil of mumbling tiredness and real life, his eyes don't lie to him, it was clear, you're the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

Small breaths from parted lips, patterns of sleep red against your cheeks, he smiles softly. His hands are gently as they rub the fading bruising, wanting to add some love to the pain.

He decides to allow you to sleep, showering and getting ready for the day before slipping into the kitchen to make breakfast. He was nervous around you, he wanted to talk, but really didn’t know what to say. The majority of the morning was spent thinking of the right words, how he should apologize.

Steve’s breath hitches when he sees you. A lady named Wanda introduced herself to you, and offered you new clothes, which of course was accepting seeing all you had were Steve’s.

“Um, I, Hi.” Steve is red, a mumbling mess. He’s spent hours practicing the right words but forgot them instantly. Beautiful, your hair still a little wet from the shower, a simple white t-shirt and a pair of jeans showing the curves of a woman. Steve almost feels guilty thinking about you in this way, especially since he knows exactly what you look like under those clothes. “I made you breakfast.”

He wants to press his hand on your back, lead you to the stool on the kitchen island but instead extends his hand to the pile of french toast. Steve isn’t hungry, sleep or hunger don’t come easy, instead he lives on guilt and self-pity. 

You pick at the food, Steve’s constant stare makes you nervous. Every time you look up, he’s looking at you. Steve clears his throat, managing to finally squeak the words out. “I’m sorry. For, what happened.”

His touch maybe was unwanted, but he didn’t hurt you, If anything he saved you. You didn’t blame him for this, unlike Steve. He was just as much a victim as you were. “You did what you had to do.”

“I could’ve did better, I could’ve said no or fought them when they tried to come in and get you.” You shake your head. He wasn’t the reason why you hated being touched, the men before him ruined it for you, spoiled a chance at ever being normal.

“If anything you saved me, if it wasn’t for you I would still be there.”

“I don’t like this feeling I have. It feels like I wronged you and I’m sorry.” Small tears of frustration fill his eyes, he swears he’s never cried this much before like these two days. 

“I don’t blame you.” You stand, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. With Steve breaking down like this you were practically useless, no comfort to anyone. You leave quickly, leaving Steve to drown in his pool of guilt by himself. 

The first week is hard, he tries to talking to you but you just continue to blow him off but someone still end up in his bed at night, no talking, just the security of knowing he won’t let them take you away again.

The following week there is progress, you take your time by end up joining him for breakfast every morning, accompanying him on his run. Your night time routine filled with way more conversations, he finds out your favorite flowers are sunflower and it matches you, the sun always finds it’s way on your skin, you’re his little sunflower. But he never dares to touch you.

The third week is when he finally does it. It’s a late night, the two of you decided to watch a movie. The warmth of the covers makes you sign, winter was coming, snow was always your favorite, if only it wasn’t so cold. “Are you cold honey?”

Steve had developed this habit of nick name calling, it didn’t bother you much, quite honestly made your cheeks heat up, you felt safe with him. “A little.”

Steve is unsure, his eyes keep flickering to yours then to his hands. What if you didn’t want to sleep with him anymore if he tried?

“I-I can warm you up.” The suggestion made you tense, Steve would never hurt you, not intentionally, but the thought of someone’s hands against your skin made you sick.

“I, ugh -.” You didn’t want to hurt his feelings, you didn’t want him to think he was the reason you didn’t like being touched because it wasn’t true. Nothing good ever came with a male putting his hands on you. The look on his face made you guilty, he looked like he was going to cry. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

Steve shakes his head, “I want you to want me to touch you, not because you feel guilty. My touch is good.”

Warmth radiated off his bare chest, your hand looked so small compared to the smooth skin. “I trust you cap.”

A small smile with no teeth makes your heart pound, never has a man made you feel so safe. His hand gently rests against your wrist, taking it slow as finger tips trace every freckle, every beauty mark of your arm, pads of his thumb soaking up your collar bones, dips in them. Eyes flicker from your skin, to your eyes. A magical moment, where you feel like your floating. The length of your neck and stop at your lips. Thumb so soft against the fat skin of your lip, he’s breathing heavier now, he wants to kiss you but can’t find himself too. “You’re beautiful.”

It only a few days later when the nightmares start, the imagines of hands choking you, touching you inappropriately, hurting you. Steve wakes from your whimpers, your yells and in seconds he’s shaking you, begging you to wake up. The moment your eyes meet his, you shoot up punching him dead in the nose. “Get away from me!”

Blood trickles down the cleft of his lip, it didn’t hurt, not as much as his heart aches for you right now. “It’s me, It’s just me.”

Hot tears burn cheeks as you wrap the blanket closer to your body, cowering away from him but the head board stops you. “It’s me sweetheart, It’s Steve.”

This time when he touches you, you feel calmed, relaxed. His touch is good. Realizing it is only him, not the salient that haunts your dreams, in an instant you wrap your arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder. Fingers knot your hair as he whispers soft words, “I got you, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Soon after he learns everything about you, why they took you, what they did to you. Stories you thought you would never share but with Steve it was so easy, talking to him was easy. It became a pattern, sleeping together, sharing meals, going out, small dates, it all seemed to fall into place.

“Steve?” A book is tucked secretly in your lap, a gift from him. Legs stretched across his lap, a pair of glasses make him look older, not in a bad way at all. He is also reading, but eyes meet yours.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Steve chokes as the words hit ears. The soft music in the back ground no longer heard, just heavy beating of his heart as his mouth dries. Honestly, he’s thought about it. You have very tempting lips but the matter was he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, with it only being a month since everything, it just didn’t seem like enough time.

Time was good to you though. Weight was put on, nightmares were almost non existent, Steve had shown you the touch wasn’t always bad, that it can be for comfort, for fun, or just because you care about someone. He had started taking you out in the city, trying new food, and to the extent every Friday you went to the bookstore together.

Blush heats his skin red, chest blotchy with dots and nose warmed. “I-I thought about it.”

“Do you like me?”

Steve watches curiously you sit up, crossing your legs and face him. “I think I like you, I’ve never felt like this with someone.”

Steve felt his heart thump, over and over again. Not believing the words. “I like you a lot, sweetheart.”

“A lot?”

“A lot, lot.” Steve’s fingers reach out, running along the bone of your jaw, and highest points of cheeks. “You’re very beautiful, and I do want to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first night you slept in my bed.”

Slowly you lean forward, lips tingling at the thought of his against them. The prickly hairs of his beard tickles your chin, smooth lips meet yours. It was effortless, filled with small breaths, lips meeting lips with such passion it warms his body. It isn’t long, he doesn’t want to push you too far but can’t deny the smile you give him makes his knees weak. 

“This feels even better than hugging you.” He smirks at your comment, eyes roaming the beautiful, soft skin of your face. “feel free to do it all the time, sweetheart.”

The next week is scary, all of a sudden you’re sick. Nausea is not your friend, certain foods make you gag to the point he takes you to the doctor. It doesn’t take long, the doctor walks in with a smile, and it confuses him. 

“Well congratulations in an order, dad.” To say Steve isn’t happy is and understatement, and the look on your face matches. The car ride is spent with tears, and on his half he’s lost in his head.

“We need to talk about this.” Steve finally speaks one the pair are tucked safely in their room, away from the prying ears of the team. 

“I can’t have a baby!” Freaking out is an understatement, you are panicking, eyes puffy red and the tears just can’t stop flying. “I can’t even handle myself.”

Steve’s chest is filled with emotion that threatens to pour out as tears. This wasn’t supposed to happen but he doesn’t understand why he didn’t think this was a possibility, two months ago it had to happen at least twenty times, he filled you twenty times, to be fair he though he was infertile, that the ice took away his ability to produce.

Kids were something of his old life’s dream, a man that didn’t have the responsibility of keeping the world safe. He didn’t want this baby, this baby was made in the darkest times of his life, the times that reminded him of exactly what he was; a monster.

It was an everyday conflict, seeing you made him think of those times but having you cuddled in his chest, kissing his lips made him forget them, made the moment numb to the pain.

“I can’t be a father, I’m going to fuck it up.”

Steve felt bile rise in his throat the moment you mentioned it, “We have to get rid of it.”

“Kill it? A baby?” Having it didn’t sit right with him but killing it? That was the last thing he wanted to do. “It’s a baby, we can’t.”

“You expect me to having this baby with no intention of raising it, I don’t want it.” It even felt sour in your mouth, but you couldn’t give the child what it needed. You couldn’t emotionally support it, you couldn’t give it the comfort it needed, what if the touch of it made you sick like others?

“There are other options, lots of people in this world want a baby.” Steve is a mess, he eyes heavy with tears. The guilt of this will for-surely eat him alive too.

The next day Steve is gone before you wake up, throat is raw from yelling, eyes hurt, physically hurt when they’re opened, too many tears passed them. French toast is on the table, a glass of orange juice and a bowl of strawberries, still hot, not made too long ago.

Steve’s loud voice could be heard from the room along with mumbling of others. Everyone was gathered in the conference room, papers in hand. You decide to join them, talk about what happened last night since there was no doubt they heard the screaming.

Steve hadn’t noticed that you had entered, his looked towards the screen. The face of the man that tormented you for years, case file on show for everyone to see. Pictures of you sliding with the touch of his fingers. You felt dirty, him showing you off like some helpless victim. “We need to move out later for he doesn’t relocate and we loose him again.”

“You’re leaving?” It was a small squeak, everyone’s eyes shifted towards you. Buck’s meeting the guy who was supposed to be guarding the front door with clear annoyance, you weren’t supposed to be in here. 

“It won’t be for long. We’ll talking about this later sweetheart.” Steve looked terrible, dark circles under his eyes, hair messily slid back not brushed like normal. 

“Later? You just said you were going to be gone.” You argue, heart pounding against your chest as Nat clears her throat. “Let’s give them some alone time.”

“No, we’ll finish the plan, then I will talk to you.” Hard eyes, that leave no room for argument.

“Don’t bother Steven, I didn’t expect you to stay anyways.” The use of his full name is so foreign against your tongue, the hateful gaze makes his chest tight, but he stands his ground, arms crossing against his chest as you walk out without another word.

Hours passed, not another word from anyone, the team decided it was best to leave you be, Steve also thought it be best to give you some time to cool off. The kitchen per usual being your favorite place to be, the breakfast nook naturally had the most light, perfect amount to read a book in silence, watch snow fall peacefully.

Steve was quiet, sneaking up to perch himself on the door frame, eyes roaming over the long column of your neck, the concentration on your face as lips move but no sound as you quietly read the words on the page. The sun always seemed to have a beautiful habit of finding your face, illuminating the natural, raw beauty of you. But the moment his eyes lower from the dips in your collarbones to your stomach, he feels his heart sink, guilt igniting inside the pit of his stomach. "Sweetheart."

The words are spoken so softly but sneak up on you, jumping with a gasp he's right next to you, apologizing quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Your face said it all, you will still angry with him. Eyes glaring, it made him sigh, "i think we should talk about this."

His appearance said it all, tact suit was perfectly tailored for him, stretching over every muscles, every swell of man, if you weren't so mad, you would maybe even tell him it looked good. "Why? Seems as if you made up your mind."

You stand, walking away, picking at the plate of cookies on the kitchen island. The situation was stressful and at the moment it seemed effortless to even try but Steve followed, obviously having other plans.

"I am doing this for you." Steve's voice is softly spoken despite his eyebrows raising, jaw clenching, his teeth clenched in annoyance. How could you not see why he's was doing this? Everything he's done is for you, and from now on will always be, especially the seed of his in your womb.

"Don't you say that! You're doing this for you!" Your voice raises, fingers gripping the end of the counter in anger. The truth was clear, Steve didn't want to stay here, everytime he looked at you he felt guilty for what he had done, now trapped with him because of the fact of pregnancy.

"How could you say that?" Jaw muscle flickering, eyea darkening, the anger starting to take over. It filled his veins with molten lava that flowed and bubbled inside his chest. "They did this to you!"

It felt bitter on his tongue, talking about a baby like this. A small, innocent baby that had no idea of the mess of parents it will have. The situation it will be brought in, and the tragic story of how it was conceived.

"You just want to leave because you can't stand the fact that I'm pregnant by you and either you or I dont want it!" The truth hurts, from the moment you told him all Steve has felt was a lump of emotions heavy against his chest, at night it was worse, when you fell asleep all he felt was the crush weight ecoing 'this is your fault'.

Steve's face grows red, big swells of arms crossing over his chest. Standing taller as if he was trying to intimidate you. "You think that's true?"

"You know it. You can't look me in the eyes and say its not. This is for you, they look your sense of security away, stripped you of what you believed in." Despite the anger that filled you, small hands pull on his arm, breaking the wall to beg him to look at you. "Don't go steve, what if they get you again? Don't leave me alone."

It was small, a kiss of comfort against your forehead even though adrenaline of yelling at each other still had him up, pumped and ready to go. "I won't leave you, I'll be back, I'll be a week tops."

"Then just fucking go already!" Unwanted tears welled up, it was strange, usually so intact with emotions, mostly because you tried to show you had none. The bedroom wasn't far but trying to out walk Steve was hard, especially if he had a mission, and in this case making you okay with this.

"Just stop, okay? I will be back, I'm not leaving you."

The door was shut in his face and locked. The sounds of your sobs making him sigh, forehead pressing against the door in frustration. "Y/N, open the door."

No answer. His hand wrapped around the knob, knowing it would break under is strength but was it really worth it? Invading your space, not allowing you to have this time to think. It would be easier, leaving like this, not another word but the cowards way but lately he has felt like a coward.

Steve backed away from the door, despite the pounding of his heart screaming at him not too. Feet carried him down the steps, out the front door where Bucky and Sam were waiting for him. He gives a nod, the fakest smile manageable. "Ready."

Steve was a coward, a man that swore he was here, he would help you. Steve left because he couldn't take the fact you were pregnant with his child, the one he didn't want, the one you didn't care for so much either. A child that could never be loved, a spawn of true evil. Another reminder of what he's done to you. Another reminder that he will never be the same person.

The first few nights was hard sleeping alone, it was lonely too. Wanda and Natasha would talk to you, but there was only so much to be said. They always wanted to take you shopping or out for the day but books are where you found comfort. Weeks passed by, Steve would ask to talk but you always said no when Nat would ask. It was lonely but suddenly it was not, as you couldn't help but notice the swelling of your stomach. A small baby gifted from all the pain you have gone through.

The baby was always there, those nights you couldn't sleep, the nightmare that haunted you, the smiles, all those books you read in a span of two months, whenever worried or fearful your hand found your belly, the reason for this tragic life given.

The morning was one of warmth, heat of the sunshine warming bare skin, sleeping naked because clothes were always hot. According to your doctor the body was raising your body temp by almost 10 degrees, warm just like his father. It was no surprise, maybe there was super serum coursing through his veins. The buttery smell of waffles and warm syrup hit you instantly, stomach growling. Sweet food was something you couldn't get enough of.

"Is that waffles I smell Nat?" You sing song as corner the stairs but suddenly your appetite was gone. After two whole months it was almost bizarre to see his face, hair longer and pushed back, beard full as ever. He still looked handsome despite the fact that small cuts littered his face, bottom lip split into two.

"Nat told me you like sweet things now." It was pathetic really, after what he had done he thought two waffles could win you over?

Beautiful as ever, Steve couldn't help but let his eyes wonder. A sight he's missed for so long. The ghost of you seemed to visit him every night, taunting him with visions of playing with your hair, feeling the soft skin of your face under his thumbs. Even now his fingers burn at the despire to feel it, the softness and pleasure of it. The look on your hurt face said otherwise. He feels his own heart drop as your hands cup your belly in comfort, the child he never wanted but seeing you so round made it so real.

Tears burn your eyes, anymore emotions weren't your own. Turning a heel, you wanted to get a far away from him as possible.

"Honey, honey." His words that once made you blush and warm, were nothing. He was nothing.

Rough collasled fingers touch you so delicately, stopping you from moving, trapping you between the kitchen island and him. "Don't run away from me."

"Dont call me honey." You challenged despite the tears that slipped past eyelashes and left hot trails on cheeks. "Keep your honeys, keep your sweethearts, don't even say my name."

"I am sorry." He begs lowly, he keeps one hand flat against the island, the other reaching to wipe away the tears. "I finally got them yesterday, but when I snapped his neck, I realised that missing two months with you wasn't worth it. I'm sorry."

Two months he didn't have to feel the guilt of seeing you everyday, for two months he wasn't reminded constantly of what he had done to you. Forcing his child on you. But this every moment didn't even compare to the moment now, watching you fall apart in front of him.

"You left me here. You left me pregnant, i had no idea what I was doing." You argue, "All those appointments, all the nights I couldn't sleep without you. Well guess what Steve. I don't need you anymore."

He wasn't expecting the strength as you pushed against his chest, again and again until he stood feet away from you. "Leave me alone."

"The baby?"

"He's got his mother."

"He?" Steve felt his heart pound, rubbing his chest in pain. Not only from you, but the son that didn't deserve a father like him. Just like that you were gone.

Steve wasn't going to give up, the first week the worst he made you breakfast everyday, flowers delivered at the same time, whatever you wanted was yours, to the point that he went to your appointment with you, which you allowed because it was his baby too.

But as the weeks passed, it seemed as if Steve finally saw that it was pointless. The pain he caused was too much, it was true, you didn't need him anymore. He would steal glances now and then, eating his breakfast at the kitchen island as you read your book at the nook. A healthy son growing everyday, noticing how protective you were, hand always there protecting from any danger but none would come to you in this tower. Now sleeping in different beds, never slipped up by wondering in his room, never ate the food he made. Nights were now sleepless for Steve, filled with the heaviness of his emotions felt in his chest, mind always running with the thought of you. He had messed up, but all this time thinking about you made him realize, he was in love with you. The moment you mumbled into his room asking with sweater paws if you could sleep with him, he had known but finally accepting it.

"Steve!" Nat's panicked voice at 2 am followed by pounding on the door broke him from his thoughts, "It's Y/N."

His heart dropped at the sight of you, heavy breaths and tears. Shocks of pain making you howl as Bucky holds you up. "The doctor is coming."

"What happened?" For the first time in weeks, he's touching your skin, soft under thumbs. "Is he okay? What happened?" Its panicked as he recieved no answer the first time.

"I'm scared." You admit as you clench onto his shoulder, using him as support to stand as another yell ripples through your throat. Steve's breathing increases, chest moving faster and faster as the doctor runs in, yelling to take you to your room.

Everything moves as a blur, he didn't want a son but his baby didn't deserved to he hurt or even worse....

Even moments later he sees Nat, he sees the doctor's lips moving but no words register, his heart beat the only sound, faster and faster he clenches his chest, it felt like it was going to explode.

"Steve? Steve sit down." The panic of him has Nat worried now, using all her strength to push him to sit on the couch. Her hands taking strands of hair to relax him.

"I'm." Another heavy breath preventing him to finish his scentence, almost instantly he was back to normal. The panic attack had subsided and finally he was able to think again. "Is she okay?"

Nat nods, "she's in her room steve."

It was most likely you didn't want him there, but at this moment he didn't care. Steve was surprised the room was empty except you curled up in the sheets, hot tears of relief.

"Are you okay?" Steve is on his knees, elbows resting on the bed as he reached for you.

"Hes okay." For the first time in weeks he's heard your voice without words of venom. "You deserves your love too."

Emotion is caught inside his throat, tears threatening his eyes. The whole moment of the situation has him weak as you slip small fingers into his, guiding the the round bump of your stomach.

This baby reminded him every day of what he had done to you, it was his guilt to wear. A baby conceived from unfairness and unwillingness but it was something you have accepted, this was your soon and it wasn't cruel, it wasn't taking away your choice, your son was a gift from this cruel world. Steve didn't understand how until you lay his hand against the swell, the belly round but soft but firm with protecting the life inside of it. Tears slip past his eye lids as a soft sigh leaves his mouth, his son, his chance at redemption. The small kick made him smile slightly, he rests his head against in, a soft kiss of comfort.

"I want this. I fought it for so long but he's our second chance." Steve words are beautiful, but you look at him unsure. What if he breaks your heart again?

"Please." A small whimper, just above a whisper from a broken man.

"We can try, for our son."

Once again his eyes run over the large bump. How could he never want him? Fingers are gently as they draw small lines, the first time he's touched his son.

He wasn't a reminder of his past, what he had done and now realized he hasn't trapped you, you wanted this baby. This was a second chance, to raise this son to be the man he always wanted to be and for you and him. A smile, his heart thumps in his chest, hard. All this time he's spent with you, he's never seen this, a real, genuine smile. Its so sweet, small but the most beautiful sight he's ever seen. His heart is so full, and for the first time in his life, he knows exactly where he belongs. "I love you.."

tags: @suppu97​, @lexxxistrips​, @nova3312​, @lovely-geek​, @readermia​, @heyiambuse​, @yn-the-reader​, @serpentvixen2-0​, @ashwarren32​, @gabloka​, @jayde0602​

[superlockatrocity]

We open to some kids playing fun sleepover games and they wanna play Bloody Mary. This can only end horribly given this show's track record. Spooky dark bathroom and a flickering candle for Ambiance™ and shitty friends for Aesthetic™. Oop shit mirror's haunted now. Mister dad is having a bad time methinks...oop yep that's blood. That girl has a scream on her good god. Sammy's having Nightmares again!! At least Dean woke him up this time. Bribery works wonders! Don't follow Sammy's example kids. There was so much blood on that floor I expected the dude to be half liquefied on that table...aaaand more bribery. Sam. Stoppit. Time to bother more traumatized kids! Younger sis thinks she made bloody mary murder their dad,, well. She ain't all wrong. Dean what was that duckface jesus christ. 🦆 "You know who" Guys, this ain't Voldemort. Calm down. Wasn't Bloody Mary in reference to uhhh y'know. Mary I, Bloody Mary? Like. Where did they come up with the mutilated bride/witch/died in front of a mirror stories? Was this cooked up by the writers or are these actual 'origin stories' for the legend? (Feel free to inform us, o' Faithful Readers and Witnesses to our Descent into Madness.) Ahahaa all the microfilm machines are all busted. Have fun boys. Why is this girl talking on her phone while driving, STOP. Wow she has a shitty friend. Good thing that friend has a short shelf life starting now. Aaaand goodbye blondie. "S-She said it!!" Did she say Voldemort. Did she. Also! Can someone explain to me why Mary there works on the same principle as Beetlejuice. Say his name three times and he shows up, that whole deal. Spooky name on the back of a mirror, oooooo. And it's lots of names on lots of mirrors! The plot thickens. (Mouse and I took a research break that nearly migrated into discussion of the Hapsburg inbreeding, fun times!) I like how they found an ex detective who conveniently has all the info they need. Thank you, helpful detective man. Woooow girl you're stupid. Your friend tries to help and you basically just spit right in her face. Hilarious. My god they have some top notch scream queens in this show. Ahaahahahhahaha flip phone with an antenna, this show just dated the hell out of itself. Tragic backstory time for the friend, scary boyfriend edition! He threatened to hurt himself if she left, she did and he did it and she blames herself. Love that for this show. Ugh. At least they didn't go for guilt tripping the girl. Dean's pulling over for a Talk™. Sammy honey, don't blame yourself. There's nothing you could've done, dude. Oh ho, Sammy's got Secrets™. Sam looks like he's approaching the Mirror of Erised hoping for a glimpse into his deepest desires. Would he see a happy childhood? A happy boring adult life where he gets married and has a couple kids? Who can say. Oop, guilty and bleeding from the eyes. Bitch get your creepy Ring Girl ass back in that mirror before I stomp it oh my god. Oh-ho, a tweest! Guilted herself into a...goopy puddle of blood. Horrible, thanks! Who's gonna mop her up? There's Jessica standing on the corner. Aaaaaand she's gone with a whisper of Ghostly Breath. Funky shit funky shit.