#ugh sorry I'm rambling sorry for being so negative

[silverselfshippingchaos]

man.. shipping with characters from movies is so hard..

[mysticalcats]

what can i even do to make myself feel more like. comfortable. i can go by he/him here but a lot of the problem lies in how i look and feel. what can i even do that doesn't alert people irl

[secondstar-acorn]

not to be angry on main but to the person who was very loudly complaining about "just for once" and started making fun of me for handing out bracelets in the queue for starkid. why the fuck were you there

[revalition]

OCT 6 - VISUAL CALCULUS

Reconstruct crime scenes. Make laws of physics work for the Law.

simpler one again today, I'm just doing whatever I feel like for these :)

the pleasure wheel is very important to me. I never got it in my first playthrough (1 INT run, the bubble never came up) and I unfortunately can't do the missing husband quest anymore, so I haven't seen it in game... but I've read the dialogue and seen pictures, and it's incredible.

also! mentioned yesterday, but I'm doing my day off on mondays. so nothing tomorrow.

as always, quotes under the cut. I also put the viscalc part of my wips in there since I didnt hit the 30 image limit today

starting with one from the vault (the vault being a giant word document full of screenshots and ramblings. like these posts, but bigger!)

ty viscalc ily

he's just observing ok?

he likes timetables!!

he offers some dialogue options after this! my lovely quiet guy

hehe

viscalc - infected by mullen-mania :((( composure saying he used to be more polite!!

he's so sassy, I love him a lot

visual calculus making you retry the failed check!! volition would be proud

this is the only time he says 'sorry' haha. he is not apologetic!

it takes a medium visual calculus check to deduce this

ugh I loved this scene... visual calculus confirming it makes no sense made it so much better

viscalc!! who cares, just go look at his window please

poor harry is like ???

if you reject him he gets sooo rude, ily viscalc

he's so proud of it! as he should be <3

that's it for screenshots, viscalc just doesn't talk that much :( he has has the 2nd fewest passive checks of all the skills and only 2 anti-passives... but when he does talk, he has lots to offer!!

since I have extra screenshots this time, here is viscalc in my two WIPs

spring storm:

I've done everyone except the motorics guys, and I think he was the hardest so far. figuring out how to use the negative space to capture all his details was hard

banner:

he's just in the background hehe. this is the first time I drew him! but I like how he came out so I kept a lot of the design for today's.

ok that's it! see you tuesday

[twwings]

so I spent the last few months just marathoning The Magnus Archives??? I was curious and I have a long-ish commute that I need to fill with audio, so I went for it. I was somewhat spoiled by fanart I saw randomly over the years but not entirely spoiled, and I quite enjoyed it. Some thoughts (both positive and negative thoughts below) because I wanted to write them down as I chew over the show. Also my ramblings might be pleasurable to folks who are big fans and enjoy hearing about people listening to their thing for the first time?

Spoilers for all of TMA, but as I haven't listened to The Magnus Protocol yet (I'm sure I will) no spoilers for that.

thoughts in no particular order:

didn't know that my trypophobia could be activated aurally! thanks, season one. it's good to learn about yourself

because I had seen lots of fanarts around, I knew that Jon/Martin would eventually be a canon thing, so I just spent the early episodes making fun of Jon whenever he was mean about Martin. Jon would be like "ugh, Martin, amirite?" and I'd yell at the car speakers like "lol you're gonna MARRY that guy"

sometimes I found the show a little boring or too expositiony (like the episode where Leitner shows up) and it made me think a lot about the conditions of production, like, having fans who were super into the show and red stringing it up clearly made them want to explain things sometimes in a way not necessary to the story - or, at least, it didn't feel necessary to me as a casual listener who was coming in after the fact and not part of the fandom. maybe it felt necessary for other folks, or to the cast and crew at the time.

relatedly, oh god, I did not keep up with all the plotlines and stuff. like it took me a WHILE to realize that the show was not just gonna be standalone/anthology stuff and would have an overarching plot so I did not pay attention early on to repeated names or plots. and because I was listening on my commute I was like "welp, can't google it, gonna let it go" and I did. I'm here to tell you that the magnus archives is still enjoyable even if you don't care that much about what's going on

when I did really start to care was the end of season four/season five. absolutely love that they went there with the end of season four (I thought it'd just be a buffy-style "now we fight a BIGGER big bad at the end of this season" escalation forever, but no, they unleashed hell on earth, baller move, A+, loved it

so I was spoiled that Martin (and Jon? I wasn't sure) died at some point, though I didn't really know where or how. I also saw someone post something like "oh TMA, great show, too bad it ends after five minutes into episode 160" so from that I kind of extrapolated that Martin died in episode 160? so my experience of listening to that one was REALLY on tenterhooks because the first five minutes was Martin going for a nice walk! and then Jon getting taken over by the statement! so while listening to the middle bit of 160 I was convinced that when Martin came back from his walk Jon was gonna kill him (while possessed, obviously) as part of the ritual thing. so really the following 40 episodes of Martin being alive were pretty sweet to me. Every episode after that when Martin was alive I was like, score, bonus, love it, I'm glad Jon didn't stab him three seconds after they got into a relationship

kept listening for a physical description of Jon to match all the fanart and never got one? I guess the fanon of what Jon looks like is just super consistent for some reason?

hated Tim, I can't disguise it, I hated Tim and I was glad when he died and I was glad he didn't come back, sorry Tim fans, live your truth and I will live mine

wish there weren't so many cops on this show, tho the show did seem to recognize that a little in S5 and try to do some things about it

I'm just a huge sucker for every genre experiment in S5. omg I loved it. Terminus gets a coroner's report, The Unknowing gets slam poetry, The Flesh gets a gardening manual?????? mwah. it made me excited for the format of the statements again when they'd gotten stale. so many smart and interesting genre experiments in S5! and I, like Jon, don't even like poetry (just write some prose! I've never identified with a character more), so you know I'm impressed when I'm exclaiming about some poem

seriously! the genre experiments!!! so good

"queer couple navigate their new relationship and also The Hellscapes" = amazing, ty, also ty for doing it twice

somehow I managed not to notice the line about Jon being asexual at first and then I saw some tumblr post about it and I was like, wait what? my brain had gone pretty far down into some non-asexual fanfiction stories before I got that bit of canon and had to record-scratch freeze-frame. anyway I am pleased by the ace rep and hope to go read some non-sexual D/s for them in the future, please tell me if you know some good stuff

please also tell me if you know about fanfictions where Martin consensually feeds Jon his own memories and it's weird and intense

saw a cute fluffy domestic fanart where Jon was blind (ie had blinded himself to escape the eye) and I laughed and laughed that this is a fandom in which the happy fluffy AUs are the ones where the characters have violently blinded themselves. not to say I'm not gonna read the fluffy AUs where they've violently blinded themselves, I am, I'm sure they're lovely, it's just funny

don't think I wasn't thinking about Crowley and Aziraphale in the episode where Jon is like "what if we ran away together" in season four. When Jon is like "What if we ran away together, you and me, we could do it, what if we did" and he absolutely knows that Martin is not gonna say yes and maybe he doesn't want Martin to say yes but he wants to ask him anyway, he wants to try it anyway, because the fantasy of escape, together, is overpowering. anyway don't think I didn't think about Crowley

also laughed and laughed at the like four episodes at the end where Jon is like "maybe I should . . . . . . . . . . . become the Torment Nexus? From the classic scifi novel, Don't Become the Torment Nexus?" and first Martin and then everyone else is like "Jon, don't become the Torment Nexus" and it's really clear that you should not become the Torment Nexus but then later Jon says fuck it and becomes the Torment Nexus

I say it's really clear but the idea that you should strand and isolate and burn out the powers is not a bad one. I did like that the second to last episode was just a debate on morality with no clear resolution. that's a lovely way to send off your characters. tho it didn't matter a lot to the end plot? but still.

Jon "I think I'll just become the Torment Nexus" Simms, istg

THE TORMENT NEXUS

Sue Simms' voice is incredibly hot, Gertrude Robinson is absolutely deadass smokin, love how the Legend of Gertrude just built up over the seasons until by the end she was this like powerful callous avenging angel, no notes, might build a shrine in the woods with pictures of Gertrude in little jars

Gerry and Jurgen were both madly in love with her and she didn't notice or care because she was too busy kicking ass, no notes AT ALL

I really like the bit at the beginning of S5 where Jon is depression-listening to old archives tapes, like it's really effective to do the birthday party flashback just there when the world's just been apocalypsed, but I can't stop thinking about how Jon is listening to that tape and, in retrospect, being like "did Elias/Jonah use his all-powerful knowledge and vision to find out that there was cake in the office?" idk it really feels like Elias's motives in that flashback are like "eat cake" and no one else realizes that he's used his monstrous evil eye power to locate cake. anyway I imagine that Jon had all of these thoughts during his depression

Basira made me laugh ALL THE TIME, the voice acting was so good and she was so over everyone's shit. but at the same time there's this real softness to her at the end of S5 after she's killed Daisy, like she's still tough and grounded in her own perspective but suddenly more compassionate or sympathetic. she has such a good journey over the show

were Basira and Daisy a thing? I could not tell. maybe I should not ask. maybe I am not meant to know. maybe even asking shows how little I know, because their intense and murderous bond exceeds traditional relationship categories

I had a really nice time!!!

I will need to read fanfictions

I will need to watch animatics

I will need to seek out fanarts

the end

[itsaspectrumcomic]

this is kind of a vent and a bit of a silly rambled story (ooo story time! but feel free to ignore it if you want it wont bother me)

so i have been researching autism and adhd for roughly a year and a half now and its kinda become a special interest of mine (wild i know lmao) and its actually how i got my adhd diangosis! funnily enough the therapist who diagnosed me for adhd and evaluated me for asd was biased and had no knowledge about adhd or autism... :-] pained smile

(im afab and my sibling is amab and the comparisons between our assesments is insane. they got assesed easily but for me, the therapist was reluctant and judgemental. a great start i know /sarc)

anyway the therapist told me that i couldnt be autistic because even though i scored high, the test my PARENTS filled out for my childhood was very low. i wasnt even asked about my childhood experiences when it came back with a low score. i was just brushed off and told that it was only my adhd and that if i WAS autistic (which im not, according to her) that i would be "high functioning" and that "high functioning" people arent actually autistic. not word for word because i was half listening in shock but the general idea is still there. i have no clue how i even went to this woman tbh.

i have since made a list and included evidence for all the traits ive had since infancy but my parents 100% took the therapists word and are now completely convinced that there is zero chance that i can be on the autism spectrum. fun fact i think theyre both on the spectrum as well and ive talked to my sibling about it too. its wild lol

the thing is i keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance thinking i may be on the spectrum and ive had plenty of friends both professionally and self diagnosed tell me that i am on the spectrum but i cant help but accidentally find ways to invalidate myself and my experiences. i dont know if its worth it to get a professional diagnosis or to just exist as self diagnosed because they both have strong pros and cons. its all very confusing but i can wait 2 years until im a legal adult so i can at least try to get an assesment from a therapist who actually understands autism

i apologize for being so long winded and for any gramatical/spelling errors but i just wanted to thank you for making this blog in general. it feels very validating despite what other people and my negative thoughts try to say about my brain :-] i hope youre doing well !!

'"high functioning" people arent actually autistic'

UGH I hate that so much. I'm not really a fan of the the terms 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' anyway because it doesn't cover how autistic people can be really good at some things and struggle a lot with other things (also known as having a 'spiky profile') and just 'high' or 'low' doesn't properly take that into account, and then there's the whole questionable use of 'functioning' but that's a whole other discussion....

I'm sorry your parents aren't listening. Since autism can be genetic, it's fairly likely they are also on the spectrum and never noticed the traits when you were growing up because it all seemed normal to them.

It's a very personal decision whether or not to try for an official diagnosis, but whatever you decide is valid! The important thing is gaining self-acceptance and learning what works for you. Good luck and I'm so glad you're enjoying this blog :)

[pommunist]

My ass preparing "AND ANOTHR THING"

People being mean about pommes relationship with bbh is so fucked!!!

It bothered me that people didn't care as much about her BEFORE she started hanging out with BBH.

It's bizarre to me!

The value of eggs for some reason in this Fandom was weirdly adjusted by exposure and time spent with BBH. Which is the most frustrating thing in my personal opinion.

They are all important and were important before they did or didn't hang out with BBH.

Even lullah only started getting more praise after she started showing up later in the evenings to hang out. This Fandom was mean to her over and over.

Outright saw someone GLAD she was gone. Called her a "cop out player bait" character. She got so much backlash for having arguments or disagreeing. Her, Pomme, Leo, Em and Sunny all played very complex characters who didn't fit the mold perfectly on how little girls should act and this Fandom hated them all differently for it.

Actual insane behavior.

This is entirely Fandom neg here lmao. Image an annoyance shaking their head at the tags frequently. Yall don't know how to behave sometimes. I'm not asking you all to like every single character ever and like everything that they do. But sending death threats and wishing characters would die or be removed entirely is some of the most selfish pissbaby behavior in existence. Sometimes characters you don't like exist! Your opinions are not universal! You are not the center of the universe!

Let people play this stupid fucking game how they choose! Stop living vicariously through streamers and characters! You can absolutely relate to them ect but at the end of the day they are their own people. Knock that shit off. I hope next run of whatever the fuck gets going people stop backseating and wishing people died. Stop taking everything everyone does so fucking seriously. People tease one another they're literally playing a game with their friends and are all adults.

Sorry, tangent over.

Sorry for rambling in your askbox. Not for what I said >:| I mean it MCYT Fandom. Chill the fuck out.

Tbh from what I’ve seen, a lot of people who disliked Pomme being adopted by bbh were from the french side of the fandom and it came from their criticism of cc!bbh (which I would argue was quite valid to an extent) but in some cases it got too intense

Pomme’s character in general is overlooked a lot and aaaah man :(((( it’s okay shes my number 1 forever though ❤️

DEFENDING THE FEM EGGS ONLINE ISNT ENOUGH I NEED A GUN /j Especially Pomme, Sunny and Em I’ve seen them being hated for absolutely no reason, to the point that some people were being insulting and hateful to their admins ???????????

Big up to their admins btw these three were some of my favourite (tbf I liked all the eggs just some I didn’t get too attached to due to timezones conflicting)

I think in general, sometimes some fans let their dislike of some characters (which is fan btw we all have our tastes) bleed into hate for the admins/cc playing them and ugh let’s not ?????? (fandom treatment of baghera and bagi amongst others, your crimes shall never be forgiven).

Especially sometimes, things would be said between ccs as just funny ahah moments and they would be interpreted as a bad character action that would lead to hate to the ccs and ??? hello ??? i love overanalysing things as much as the next person but lets take a step back sometimes

[salaapaoo]

PECULIAR QUESTION

Have you ever read any soulmate fics that have their deepest, darkest thoughts about themselves written on their soulmate's body? And when they finally begin to think differently the writing turns gold?

What do you think Cale's soulmate would have?(I know my boi is traumatized as f u c k-)

Maybe you could make it found family somehow where the thoughts are split up between people and they haven't figured out which set of writing belongs to Cale-

but I really want to know what everyone else would think- like, there would probably be some horrifying crap there.

(would a majority of the writing on Cale be golden already-? [Like obviously not ALL of it but still-])

Sorry, I rambled a bit there 😅

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SO HARD !!! I DIDN'T FORGET THIS!!

my brain is kinda fried after finishing my finals, but!! I feel like Cale's would end up being smth kinda vague like "it should have been me." Orrrr smth about not deserving everything ??

Like yes... It's p straight forward, but imagine how they'd feel after learning about his past?? IF he opens up??

But also... Imagine the soulmate thing kinda doubles as healing..? If that makes sense? Just think about it... If one person believes something about themselves, but their soulmate is the only person who is able to help them heal themselves??

Nono!!! Keep going !!! I honestly haven't thought too much about the word soulmate aus 🤔 I had a moment where I was obsessed w like found family, and each person unlocking a colour for him (each person bringing a new colour into his world) or red string of fate (I had smth abt ws X Cale but tragedy??)

So ... I am , THIBKING SO HARD!!!

just ?? Imagine the kids?? Them having something seemingly simple like "I'm too weak" or smth about being "unwanted freaks" and then comes Cale...

Who gives them as much love as they need, patiently listening to them and letting them be kids.. ugh!!! Just?? They feel so safe with him and he helps quiet these negative thoughts so easily?

To others it might be obvious, but to them these "small" problems are massive boulders in their way... And the way Cale reassures them... It's so natural. No hesitation. Ugh I love them .

Just imagine if they appear w a searing pain? Or maybe for Cale, it feels the same as papercuts... Imagine the guilt he feels when his thoughts show up on the people he cares about... And it's just a cycle of self loathing.. where he thinks they would have been better off without him and then it shows up-

Uughgh... Just picturing him hating himself for the pain he brought to the kids because of his thoughts ...

NGL I read this wrong the first time BC I am, usually sleep deprived but like I thought it was like a lie. Like imagine someone having "living is best" show up on them but it's because Cale repeated it so much it became like a curse? He lived by those words because if he didn't then he wouldn't be able to keep going maybe?

Idk if I'm making sense anymore fjdkkfdkg

"I should have died" seems .. very likely for my brain

But if it's smth where it turns gold when they stop believing it... Imagine them all telling him he was meant to live and he just smiles and nods .. and it stays??

-

As for recommendations 🤔🤔 there was this one fic that was ogchch, soul mark au, forced cohabitation and I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! I think I'm gonna go back and read it again

Come back anon 🥺🥺🥺 open Ur brain up n feed me Ur thoughts 🙏💖 I hope you enjoy this a bit 👉👈

[mrkgrl]

Hi, was wondering why you feel like having your blogs make you feel down?

Do you feel detached from the fandom or is it tumblr overall?

Anyway i hope you’re doing well. I often come back to check on a few tumblrs, once in awhile, and yours is one of them.

I’ll be sad to see it close down but if it’s for your best, it’s what matters.

XO

This is a whole can of worms so strap your seat belt.

Unfortunately I struggle from three major issues: incredibly bad self-esteem, loneliness and abandonment issues. I constantly feel like I have to put out something amazing that's good enough to make up for being me. Only if I give and bend myself to no ends I deserve anything at all. Only then I'm interesting enough for people and am able to make them stay. If I can't do this, what's the point in being here? Kinda like that. Ironically if I do something people like, my brain twists it to "yeah, they are just nice because what you did is really not that good you should be more unique, perfect, etc., etc.,". And then I feel bad because why would they fake their joy? But the brain will always find a way to turn it against me. It's a losing game I have been playing since forever.

The fandom itself is definitely not the issue because you are all absolutely lovely people who make everyone feel welcome! At least that's the vibe I get and I have not made any negative experiences! The opposite, actually. It's the fear of not being able to provide something useful (in return) anymore because, well, see first paragraph. I mean, I literally apologised in my very first art post for even posting art, oof. I wish I could be more part of everything but I don't know how to make interactions work out and more profound.

That's why for a while now I started to feel myself slipping into the same dark pit I did on my other accounts where I pulled up such high walls I feel so very detached it's like I got robbed of any emotions in exchange for a feeling of false safety. Apparently this switch is so powerful even my therapists struggle, ugh!

Rationally, I know all of these thoughts and feelings do not reflect reality (thank god I finally got here). But the emotional part still has me in such an intense grip it sucks. It feels like all I can do until I manage to move to the next stage is just hang on.

Omg sorry this is such a downer and I'm rambling but I tried to keep it short. Thanks for asking and your sweet words! I appreciate it a lot. 🫂🩵🤍

[sammyluvr]

first of all I’m blushing cause u said baby (what do you mean it’s a generic name no I’m delulu) and um second of all one of them talked to me in such a condescending way today (but also I made a mistake so I get it but she didn’t have to talk to me like I was 2 ugh)

the only good thing about this job is that I get to help the kids cause it’s like a beginner class so they’re all new to the subject and I wanna help them and I’m so happy when they ask me questions and things

sorry I rambled about this for no reason but I did have a question for you, thoughts on dean? There’s a little hatred of some kind there I can see it, but I wanted to ask why you don’t like him, only if you’re comfortable!!!

— kiss

omg no baby is said with flirtatious intent to make you blush, honey <33

BUT THAT'S SO RUDE ACTUALLY ugh i'm sorry they were condescending :((( but i'm glad that you're feeling like there is something good about the job!! it's awesome that you get to help the kids!!! and don't ever be sorry for rambling, i love to hear it all!!

i also rambled about dean a lot and it's definitely not coherent LOL

as for dean LOL i just have very complicated feelings and i think a lot of my hate/negative feelings are sometimes misplaced in him a little too strongly. i mostly just really really hate the treatment of him versus sam within the fandom :// if we're being honest with ourselves, he's kind of really not a good person sometimes!! and he treated a lot of people really awfully pretty consistently, especially sam. and i think that's part of how fascinating he is as a character!! he's incredibly interesting and i do hold love for him in my heart, not just for his good aspects but for his fucked up parts too hehe <33

it's just that i think he's very often misinterpreted and excused for actions he had full control over (sure, his trauma can explain lots of it, but does not excuse it!!), while sam is often harshly blamed (by both the fandom and by dean) for things he did not have complete or any control over (not saying he's never made a bad decision that he could control. it's just that a core aspect of sam's character and character arc is his lack of autonomy and people will very often literally victim blame him). both sam and dean are very flawed people and have made many many mistakes, my issue is that people both in the fandom and in the show are willing to overlook or excuse or whatever dean's mistakes and flaws but not sam's.

also people pretend like dean is a great brother to sam. he loves sam so much and would do anything for him, yes. they are codependent, yes. sam is not great to him all the time either, yes. but i view lots of dean's treatment towards sam as abusive. i don't think dean ever breaks the cycle of abuse. he is the angry man in the house. he has the power in his relationship with sam, he is the patriarch and perpetuates toxic patriarchal values.

more so than hating him, i think i hate what the fandom has done with him. can't we love him because he's awful??? and can't we recognize that he treats people in pretty awful ways lol. sometimes, he's so very lovely. sometimes, he's a piece of shit. and i love him for it! i'm very dean critical, but i think that my love for him has just been tainted by the way the fandom views him/acts towards him (versus sam especially).

and at the end of the day, as mr. jared padalecki put it, sam winchester is my only concern!! it's all about sam to me <33 i'm completely biased towards him and i love him more, and because i think dean treats him badly, i get angry at dean often! i recognize that i'm 100% biased towards sam and don't always look into nuances because of that. but i try not to actively hate hate on dean for stupid reasons. just reasons where he definitely was in the wrong LOL.

i just think sam deserves so much love and that the fandom hasn't given it to him partially because of the dean bias. i think a lot of people watch the show through dean's eyes, which means blaming sam and blaming mary and blaming cas and whoever he can. and thinking that he's in the right all the time (but wake up!!! dean blames himself too!! he knows he's done wrong, he thinks about it all the time!! he is constantly grappling with and weighed down by the consequences and implications of his actions!! he said so himself!! so let's love him for that too <33)

and also he bothers me sometimes <333 hashtag i love sam hashtag everything is about sam hashtag i just don't care about him as much as i care about sam! <333 lots of love <333 at the end of the day it's not even about him personally it's about sam lmao <33 and that's literally just the way that i enjoy this show the best, is by focusing on sam. i can absolutely be a dean enjoyer at times, i just prefer to completely obsess over sam all the time lol. and it's so completely valid if one enjoys the show the other way around or enjoys them equally <33 or doesn't give a shit about either of them and loves rowena the most, maybe we should all just do that instead <333

[prenvii-moved]

This is the most annoyed/mad I've been in a while

[hoodieofholland]

Prove you something // Mob!Tom Smut

Summary: you get jealous over a meeting Tom have with another woman without your knowledge, and he has to prove you something.

Pairing: mob!tom x reader

Word count: ~4.5K

Warnings: smut (18+), fingering (f.), oral (f.), language.

A/n: I’m a sucker for mob!Tom, judge me, but these last contents we’ve been receiving for the past month are the blame. here we go again, enjoy.

Masterlist

****************************************************

As a mob, Tom had to deal with a lot of different people throughout his busy day. You were used to the meetings all the time, even when it was past afternoon, hiting the midnight. Patiently, you'd wait your turn to share some good time with your boyfriend, unless he wanted you to stay for the day, besides him, in the conference room.

Today was slightly different. Tom was held for hours in the conference room, talking business, while you distracted yourself with some other work. But by the time it was around 7p.m., you were bored enough to walk up the place, wanting to know when he'd be over.

Wearing your favorite pyjamas, you walked through the silent house, and just as approaching the conference room, you heard an unusual type of voice.

"Listen, Tom, I'm not here to discuss the shitty situation..."

It got your attention, made you stop in your tracks to hear better, all because it was a female voice. Normally, Tom would always meet with men, them being the mob leaders around London. Not a woman.

You tried to sneak around and see if there were another voice in the room, but as soon as you put your ear to the door's thick wood, Harrison came up behind your figure, making you jump.

"Holy shit!" You screamed in whispers. "Jesus, Harrison, you scared the hell out of me!"

Harrison didn't make any effort to cover his laughter, making you shush him.

"Sneaking around, uh?" He teased through laughters. "You know what Tom says about listening behind closed doors. Someday it might come back to you".

Trying to contain your madness, you cross your arms around your chest and snort. "It's meant for you guys, you idiot. He's not talking about his girlfriend".

"Are you really sure?", still holding his teasing smile, he tilts his head a little. Eyeing the door again, he pouted. "Why didn't he invite you tonight, then?"

"Said it was some small business and wouldn't take that long". You shrugged, though you knew it was bullshit. Tom had already been inside that fucking room for what seemed forever. It wasn't any small business talk, for what it matters.

"I can tell you that there's not small talking inside there" he pointed his chin in the room's direction. "Melissa is right there".

A little confused, but still not wanting to give your feelings away, you stay cool with your voice. "Who is Melissa?"

Harrison’s eyes narrowed and you can tell he had no idea you didn’t know about a single thing that was going on inside there.

“Melissa. The majoriest woman in this whole fucking city. She’s, like, the only female mobster leader in England”. The emphasis in his voice made you feel the message he wanted to deliver. You felt even somewhat a little weak, as if the weight of the presence of that woman could be sensed in your lungs.

Harrison quirked a brow, waiting for your answer, but you didn’t say nothing. Why was Tom lying to you? Why he didn’t want you to know that this woman was right inside the room with him?

“Is he alone there?” You questioned Haz, who shakes his head negatively.

“No, I was there a couple of minutes ago. Just grabbing a cup of tea”. He lifted the mug on his hand. “There’s also her guard or something. The chick is a bit... ugh”

You felt the weight again. “What the fuck does ugh means?!”

Harrison was about to explain, but seeing your exasperated reaction, he just smiled teasingly again. “I think someone is jealous”.

You puffed your cheeks out in frustration, wanting to tug on your hair, or maybe on Harrison’s.

“You’re being ridiculous” you tried your best to sound neutral about the fact that your boyfriend was inside a not very large room with a woman you didn’t know nothing about, but it was getting harder as Harrison seemed like having some fun torturing you.

“Don’t worry, y/n, that’s not what I meant” he chuckled softly and gave you a apologetic smile. “It’s just business, that’s all. You know Tom is far from being suspicious”.

You knew that very well, and if you were being honest, that was not your concern. That didn’t make you less jealous, though. Tom was the most faithful man you knew, not only with you, but with his mates. He could do anything for you and he surely had already proved that you’re the only woman in his life.

Anyways, the thought of that powerful woman inside the fucking room was driving you mad.

“I wanna go inside”, you stated, already turning on your heels. Harrison was quick to grab your wrist, trying to stop you from entering the room.

“Y/n, what the fuck, he doesn’t want to-“

But you were too fast. Yanking the door open, you hear a slight gasp coming from Harrison and the entire room goes silent.

The first thing you notice is Tom, who were crudely interrupted by you. He looked tense with the conversation, eyes heavy, shoulders rigid. His elbow was supported by the large desk in front of his chair, while he seemed to gesticulate with his hand whilst talking to the woman, Melissa. His gaze was directed on you, a questioning look on his features, which didn’t softened like it always did when he talked to you.

“Sorry, I told her-“ Harrison was quick to say, but Tom interrupted him.

“What took you so long?” Ignoring your presence, without changing a single word with you, Tom averted his eyes to Harrison, who came out behind you and sat back at his chair.

“She wanted to come” he answered quietly, unsure of what to say.

Tom looked at you once more, face serious, as he seemed to calculate what say next.

“Why don’t you go wait in the living room, y/n?”

You open your mouth, just to close it again immediately. You didn’t recognize the way Tom was talking to you, almost harshly.

"What, Thomas? You don't enjoy a good woman's company? C'mon, let the girl sit with us" Melissa, who you just had the worry to look at said, putting her long polished nails over her chin. She eyed you up and down before speaking again. "What a beautiful girl you have, by the way. You didn't tell me she was all of that".

Tom closed his eyes briefly, jaw clenching, as he sighed heavily in frustration. You knew he was getting mad, and though you still didn't know why, you made up your mind.

"I'm fine, gonna wait in the room. Sorry for-"

"It's alright", he shook his head and looked back to Melissa. "It was good talking to you, but I need time to figure it out before we decide anything", Tom stood up from his chair and waited until the woman did the same. "I'm going to have a talk with my men and then I call you back".

Melissa smiled, but you could see very clearly that it was nothing but a false smile. "I'll keep in touch".

Tom just nodded once and waited for Melissa to walk out of the room, guided by Harrison, who was equally tense as he made his way to the door. Before she exited the room, Melissa had an eye on you again, a tiny smile making its presence on her face.

You shivered, too aware of the dangerous and power Harrison told you she held, clear in the way she wasn't afraid to show she was staring at you.

When the doors were closed, you couldn't lift your gaze from the floor. However, it was possible to see Tom by the corner of your eyes and the way he was supporting both of his hands on the desk, staring so intently at you that you bet he could see your goosebumps.

"Now that you have my attention", he started, voice deep. "Won't you say what was so important that you couldn't wait 'til I was over?"

You didn't say anything, neither looked at him, frozen on your spot.

"I'm talking to you".

His stern act had you conflicted. He would always use it in bed with you, but never got so mad at something that you did. Something that you didn't even know what was all about.

"You were taking too long, so I wanted to see if everything was alright", you answered, keeping your voice loud and clear enough, not wanting to give him the impression that you were intimidated by his words.

Tom snorted. "That's bullshit. I've already been out until later than this and you stayed in our room".

You roll your eyes, voice cheating you as the irritation consumes your thoughts. "Well, in these nights you weren't with a girl inside here".

Tom's face changed and a brow arched as a trace of a smirk made its way to his face. You had lost your though posture and you knew it.

"Are you jealous?" He chuckles, incredulous, "Really?"

You snort, unfolding your arms. Looking relaxed is the last thing you seem to be able to do right now, but also you didn't want to sound so immature being jealous over nothing.

"No, I am not. I'm just mad that... that you didn't tell me who you were meeting with." You corrected him, though you were too aware it was pretty much a lie. With an unwanted whine, you continue "And why you didn't let me in this time? You see, you just left a whole amount of suspicious things to my imagination."

Tom narrows his eyes, a mix of curiosity and confusion evident on his face.

"You don't actually believe it yourself, do you?" He questioned, a suspicious tone in his voice. A bit ashamed, you glanced down and nodded two times.

"I mean, Harrison just told me she's the biggest woman in London, or some shit like that" you shrugged involuntarily and felt tired, as you started to realise how silly you must be sounding.

It was pretty obvious to you that none of that should matter. Actually, it never did. Tom never turned his head to another woman but you, since you met. He never talked about any other girl than you, and you could tell he bragged about how much of a "lucky motherfucker" he was, as Harrison started complaining about Tom's random rambling just the other day.

Tom had done nothing but adored you since the first time he called you darling. And now you were overreacting because of a common meeting of his.

Tom sighed heavily and offered you his hand. Looking at it for one second, you reach for him, and he brings you closer. "That's probably my fault".

You tilt your head, not understanding his point. Tom sits down back on his chair e mention for you to take a seat on his thigh.

"Don't get me wrong, darling. I let you come to meetings only if I'm one hundred percent sure there's no harm on that. When I'm with friends, not my enemies" he caress two slender fingers through your cheek and you almost close your eyes in please, if it wasn't for his deep stare, full of concern and comprehension. "That woman is nothing but trouble for me and my men. She doesn't like us, I don't like her, but, apparently, one of my man messed up with one of her best one, so I was trying to settle everything down before one of us start a fucking fight about it. Obviously, she hates me and every single one of my mates, and that's why I didn't want you here today. My most important job is to keep you safe, y/n. I've already dragged you too far into this mess, I can't expose you even more."

By the look in his eyes, anyone could tell how Tom meant it. He worried about you and your protection had become a topic of discussions too much for your liking.

He shifts his position, making it more comfortable for you, hand resting in your cheek. His expression earned an even more stern look, almost in pain as he looked deeper in your eyes.

"Do you really think that you should worry about Melissa?" He asks, voice low and soft.

You didn't answer right away. Instead, you tugged at his white plain shirt's collar, breathing slowly as you tried to manifest more of your composure than before.

"A little" you confess, shrugging slightly as if it wasn't that big of a deal. But for Tom, it surely was.

"Darling... why would you be jealous over that woman?" The pad of his index finger touched in the slightest move your bottom lip, tracing delicate paths over it. "Why would you ever be jealous over any woman? You know I love you". He looked up once again, a brow arching as he seemed to doubt his own conviction. "Don't you know?"

You shake your head yes and bite your lip. "Of course I do".

"Then why did you have something in your imagination?"

You sigh quietly. "Yeah, it was silly", taking his free hand and in yours, you play with his fingers, trying to hide your embarrassment. "I'm sorry-"

"It's alright, love", he gives you a small yet sweet smile. "You see, I get jealous all the time. Much more than you do. Think it's fair enough".

You giggle. "Yes, you do. I hate that and did the same. Sorry".

Tom shakes his head and brings his face closer to yours, planting a soft kiss in the corner of your mouth. "What a silly little girl you are. How would you ever think I'd ever have eyes for another girl, when I've got the prettiest with me?"

You release a breathe, your grip at Tom's shirt stronger, pulling him closer. "You'd be really dumb if you did, yeah."

Tom smiles in your mouth and you do as well. "Guess I haven't been showing my girl how much I appreciate her properly lately" he whispers, heading his lips along your jaw, to chase a soft spot on your neck. "Tell me, love, would you like to feel it?" His low and seductive words sent a shiver right through your spine, making you release a quiet moan in anticipation.

"Do you want to feel how much I adore you?" He breaths in your neck, smelling your sweet scent, as carefully grabs your thighs to get you to straddle his lap. "How much I adore your pretty little moans and whines? Those wonderful sounds you make just for me?"

You nod yes, adjusting your position on Tom's lap, rubbing against his crotch on accident and feeling he grunt with the contact.

"Use your words, my love. Need to hear you". He insists, running both his hands to your ass, grabbing each cheek firmly. When you whine a timid 'yes', he smirks against your smooth skin. "Always so eager for me", with precise movements, he guides your hips to meet his, creating a perfect friction between both of you. You could feel his hard against your pulsing center, claiming for more.

Tom lets out a struggled sigh, as if he was holding himself back when feeling your center pressing against him. "See? Only you can make me this hard".

You gulp, trying to catch your breath as your hands make its way to his trousers, but Tom is quick to deny it and stop you. "No, pretty girl. As much as I'm aching to feel you right now, I need to prove you something" he smirks playfully. His right hand releases your bum and goes to your front, making a smooth path in his way to your breast. He put your hard nipples between two fingers, pulling it softly. You moan and move your hips over his lap. Tom's jaw tenses up. "Fuck, darling". He presses his hand firmly on your hip to settle you down, as you smile apologetic.

"Need you, Tom". You whine, arching your back so you were even closer to him.

"Yeah?" He smirks, hand going back to work, sliding inside your pyjamas' short. Tom's brows arch in surprise. "No panties?"

You bite your lip. "When I came down here, I was thinking that maybe we could do something. After you were done".

He chuckled a bit, his cocky smile showing off. "So you were planning on getting fucked in my office?" You only nod once, feeling your center pulse and your cheek heat up. "You dirty, dirty girl".

Tom reaches your pulsing core, a single digit sliding through your wet folds. "God, baby, you're so wet". You moan, letting your weight loose on top of Tom, whose strong arms could handle it. "I barely touched you".

"Stop teasing me, Tom" you claim, eyes closed, as you feel he was threatening to enter two fingers inside you, but collecting them all together again.

"Darling, I think you shouldn't have a word about anything today" he says calmly. "After all, you interrupted my meeting, messed my work up. All because you couldn't wait to get fucked. Do you think you were good, y/n?"

You swallow hard, voice trembling. "N-no".

Tom smiles satisfied. "Yes. Now, though you don't deserve any of that, I'm a man of my word, and I said I was going to show you what my girl is worth of". He gesticulates briefly and you have to take a few seconds to understand he wants you to get up.

You do so, waiting until he gets up too. Confused, you stare at him, who cups your face, kissing the tip of your nose.

"I want you to sit in my chair". He murmurs and you can't help the surprise in your face.

"Why's that?" You frown and he only gestures his head to the chair again. With no other choice, you find yourself doing as you were told.

It was a strange feeling, the soft material of his chair against the bare skin of your exposed leg, where your thin shorts couldn't reach. Strange, because nobody would ever sit on Tom's chair. It wasn't exactly a rule, but everyone did better than risking taking what was his, and that being the biggest and most imposing chair in the conference room, only he could sit there. And maybe that's what entertained him that moment, the sight of you in a place that held so much power as that chair.

It took a good few seconds for you to relax there, and Tom didn't take his eyes from you the whole time. Staring, he would lick his lips, arms crossed over his chest, making his muscular arms very visible for you.

"You know, you could do this. I can picture you sitting here, making demands", he says, as if he was deep in thoughts moments ago, approaching you with hungry eyes. He puts his hands over the chairs' arm rest and lean in you, smiling.

You feel your heart race and try to correct your breathing. "Really?" You arch a brow incredulously. "Don't think I could be so tough".

"You learn this with time, darling", he reassures you, "But I think we'd have to manage who'd be in charge from time to time. I can share it with you, but not give it all. Would you like that?" You knew that by this time he wasn't talking about the mob.

With a charming smile, Tom gets down on both knees and puts his hands in yours. "Yeah, I think", you say in a whisper, too concentrated in his actions to say otherwise or anything else.

"Mmm. You're such a delicate angel", he opens your legs slowly, grabbing the back of your knee to pull you in to him. You gasp in surprise, holding the arm rest to keep yourself steady. "I imagine how you'd look like taking control. Perfect, I know".

It was a sight to see, a powerful man like Tom on his knees, a position you never thought you'd see him at. He looked like he was at your mercy, under your control, just as if he was there to please you, though he still did take the command.

"Tom, please", you whine, not giving a care about sounding desperate anymore.

"Patient, my love. Wanna take my sweet time with you", he pats your leg so you can lift your hips to help him take off your shorts. "Cause that's what I appreciate doing with you. Take every single part of you, make you mine. Slowly". He brings you closer and you pant when he kisses the inner of your thigh, eyes never leaving yours. "Take care of my girl, as she deserves".

You feel yourself growing anxious as you tried to stay still when he brought his lips up to your core. "You smell so good, love. Can't wait to taste it". His lips make no hurry to reach your folds, hot breath hitting your aching center. He looks up at you, wicked smile, as his mouth hover you, teasing.

By this time, you’re already dripping, walls clenching around nothing for the expectation. Finally, you felt Tom's lips connecting with your pussy lips, skillful tongue smoothly licking your arousal, spreading it all over your core.

He put his tongue inside of you, tasting it, adoring the way you'd roll your eyes back with pleasure. "Sweet as fucking candy". He murmurs with his mouth against you, causing vibrations all over your cunt.

You moan when he flicks his tongue over your bud, and tug at his hair. The reaction comes right away and Tom moans against you, putting one of his fingers inside you, but not deep enough, waiting for you to adjust as your walls stretched deliciously. "Can feel you swallowing my finger, baby. You want me?”

"Tom", you whine, arching your back as Tom pushes his fingers deeper inside you. "Please. Gimme more".

"You want more, sweet girl?" Tom smirks, entering you as much as he could, adding a second finger to your pulsing core. You felt the cold of his silver ring against your hot skin, causing you to have goosebumps. Feeling you clench around him, Tom started fingering you, hands precisely moving to stuff you in the most raving way. He took his pace, fast enough to the sound of your wetness fill up the room.

He laps your bud once again, repeatedly, catching it between his lips once in a while and sucking, making you release a loud moan.

You tugged harder in his curls and that's when he realized you were close. "My beautiful girl is close? Can feel you clenching, baby."

You nod once, trying to catch your breath as your hips rock against his fingers. Tom took them out and you almost pulled his hair for that, but he soon replaced it with his firm tongue. "C'mon, darling, fuck yourself on my tongue".

You did so, not caring about your messed movements or your loud noises. Tom was right there, holding you hip down with one hand to keep you steady and stimulating your clit with his thumb with another. It was the most beautiful sight you could have and you were on the verge of your edge.

"You're- fuck, so fucking hot, Tom" you cry out, head falling back. "Shit! 'M close"

Tom started to fuck his tongue inside you again. Your toes curl, your belly burns and your heart couldn't beat faster. Tom grabbed the back of your legs and abruptly brought you closer to his face, keeping his tongue firm and thumb working on your bud. He replaced it with his two wet fingers for a moment, just to speak to you and coax your orgasm. “Look at you, baby, so, so beautiful when you’re coming. Fuck, wish they all could see what a pretty and dirty girl I’ve got right here, angel”.

You moan and Tom can tell you’re about to lose it, putting his tongue back to work. "That's it, love, cum on my tongue, make a sweet mess on my face".

You couldn't hold back anymore. Your whole body felt like sparkles, as you tightened your grip on Tom's hair, chest panting, muscles rigid, voice coming out as the loudest moan of your night. It’s all about you now, what you feel. Tom is right there, holding you, controlling your body squirming with his strong hands.

Tom helps you ride out your orgasm, tongue and fingers never leaving you. His noise bumped into your clit as he seemed to enjoy licking your juices, face still lost between your legs. But when you finally saw him again, you thought you could have another orgasm just from the look on his face.

"Fuck", you pant, still trying to catch your breath. "You're- you're all covered-"

Before you could even finish, Tom got up from his knees and took your face in between his hands, capturing your lips on his. The kiss was messy, clashing tongues and teeth, but it was all pleasure. You could taste yourself, take what Tom had left on his lips. It was sweet - a mix of both of you.

"You're a fucking mess right now" you tell him, a slight giggle coming out of your dry throat, wiping some of the wetness from his chin.

"I know", he smiles back at you, pecking your lips once more. He catches the fingers you used to clean his face and leads it to him mouth, sucking on them gently. "Proudly. Who else in this fucking world can have the pleasure of being a mess with your cum, eh?"

You shove his shoulders playfully and spin the chair. "Well, I think I could truly run things here. Feel very powerful now".

Tom puts his hand on the back of the chair to stop it from moving. "That's because you had me between your legs just a few seconds ago, love", he smirks "But I think we can manage that".

You get up from the chair and put your hands on the collar of his shirt, gripping it between your fingers. "Good", you look up at him, smiling devilishly. "First thing, though, I remember you were here to prove me something".

"Oh, darling" he chuckled darkly. "We surely are not finished yet".

[starstrucklovetragedy]

Hey guys! So even though I mostly post Voltage USA related content on the blog, I also did/do play some of Voltage Japan games as well. Though I don't really anymore considering that it mostly consists of men and also lis these days are either predictable or boring sooooo.... But if there was one franchise in the Voltage Japan that I love to play, it's the Liar games! The game are basically calling out fake assholes and finding the "right" person and the stand out in these games is usually the MCs cause their not the usual MCs that voltage puts out. So I'm gonna talk about them from worst to best. Some people might get mad while some might agree but anyway let's get it

Also Spoiler Warning so if you want to play Liar yourself.... don't read this

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3.

Compared to the other two MCs on this list, SS MC feels so boring to say the least and might I say.....kind of dumb. Like the whole purpose of this game is to get suspicious and gather clues from other people but sometimes she gets suspicious over the most stupidest things, like in the last chapter of the game she keeps thinking Shotaro is lying to her cause he kept touching his nose which is supposably a sign that someone is lying when A. a day ago she literally watched a commercial about allergy medicine and she said herself that it was allergy season so you would think that he has allergies and B. Unless you were like a terrible liar then you wouldn't touch your nose that much if you're lying. Also in the 7th chapters, she thought her friends were trying to steal Shotaro/Sosuke from her when she literally isn't going out with either one of them at the time and she didn't know who she liked again at the time, like wtf. Also another thing is that unlike the other two MCs who have jobs and that's why they have money to get shit, this mc was born into a wealthy family so her relatability is already done by a lot, I don't want to read about how every night she can go partying with friends with loads of money while I can't even bye movie tickets. P.s. Her and Shotaro become endgame in the story and they are literally one of the most unbelievable couples in the liar series, especially on her part.

2. Now people might get mad at me for this placement but

Yeah ok so let's talk about the positives first: she's pretty, she's knows how to stand her ground and fight back, and she at least has a job so that's cool......now for the negatives and the main one is that she's a hypocritical bitch. Like idk if I'm the only one who thinks this but I just don't like her. She consistently judges other based on their appearances even if their a nice person and I kind of lowkey think she's homophobic considering her reaction to Johnny whenever she meets him (Johnny best character btw) same with the SS mc. And she swears that she's like the most perfect person ever when she's lying about her life and lifestyle to her other suitors in order to get her perfect man ugh... Two examples of her being a complete hypocrite is in the 7th chapter she accuses Kazuki of being an addict, with her only major evidence being that he's tired alot and white power she found, and turns he's not an addict at all but he infact has a heart condition that if he doesn't take his medicine he will likely die. And does she apologize for accusing him for being an addict....nope that would be too nice of her, she instead just says she feels bad she accused him and just leaves....with no apology.....wtf. Another example is actually in the squeal of Itaru's story where she finds that he actually knew her since childhood and he has loved her all this time (not sure why, he needs to get better taste) and decided to change for her because she actually called him ugly before in said childhood when he did confess to her and then she has the audacity to call him a complete liar afterwards and that she can't believe he deceived her WHEN SHE IS LITERALLY DOING THE SAME THING YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE... I'm not going to ramble anymore so just to recap, I do not like this bitch but she's certainly more interesting then the SS MC (Itaru, you deserve better then this fucking bitch and I hope in whatever universe you can find someone better)

And for 1.

Yes! This is my favorite mc and probably the best mc (at least in the English version) in the liar series! First of all, she can actually take care of herself and knows how actually take stuff seriously and be professional about it. Even if she doesn't like somebody she's know she can't flip out over them because it wouldn't be the right time or place to do so, especially in an office setting. I also actually like how they handled her and her ex-boyfriend's (Taichi) plot line as she doesn't really forgive him but she knows that he's at least sorry and feeling guilty about cheating on her with her fucking bitch of a friend, and that they can put it aside and go their separate ways (unlike the other stories in the series) it's the same with the people she exposed, besides some people who left because she either didn't want them for things that were either gross or unforgivable, she remains mature with them and knows that even though that they can't be trusted, she works with because well they still have the job but also they're trying to be better. I also think she has some of the best relationships with the characters, especially with Keisuke, who is her endgame in work and love. God I love their relationship, like it's start off with Keisuke being kind of cold to her but it eventually turns into a relationship filled with respect and even minor teasing with one another, plus he's legit the only one in the cast of characters who actually went to her apartment in the liar storyline and got to be more comfortable with her, god I love them both. Anyway the OD MC is one of the best MCs in the series and I absolutely love her. Bonus points to her having a cute-ass cat.

[olivieblake]

... I'm sorry, my message was too long and I couldn't be bothered to split it up LOL.

I just read Paradox and it was?? a masterpiece??? But I saw in the FFN comments that you said on your Tumblr that it was controversial oh yeah a lot of people had a lot of issues with it (the fuck) so I had to come here to (1) see and (2) spread some more love bc YOU ARE TOO TALENTED LMAO

AU Hermione was iconic as hell, and I loved her!! this is a very unpopular opinion and I appreciate it very much—she’s the primary reason this fic got so much negativity; people who chose to see her as purely a romantic rival for potterverse!Hermione decided to be v mean about her I actually preferred both AU characters initially - both Hermione and Draco - but tbf I love morally gray characters in general. Like that scene with her knife to Draco’s throat, can I say sexy??? yes like can you blame him? And the conflict with Voldemort, the fact that she took charge, my god. I am obsessed with literally everyone in your story and that is all I need to say 

You even got me to ship Jilly and while I’m not a Snilly shipper, I literally hate every man from Lily’s time so like. The fact that your writing actually got me to ship Lily with James of all people. I’m dead. Also I kind of loved James. That scene where he talks about Draco. I think I read it like 10 times bc I loved it so much I definitely think that’s one of my most memorable scenes from the fic

Actually there’s like at least 30 subchapters that I read about 10 times in a row, it made me take at least twice as long to read the fic as I normally would have

Admittedly both the originals grew on me, and I ended up preferring them; especially since new Draco was MIA for most of the latter half HA.

And also because – old Hermione did grow a lot more confident, and the fact that she stole the kiss, her entire realization about confidence and seizing what you want, I DIED 

And I also need to add your prose is BEAUTIFUL your dialogue is BEAUTIFUL your banter is BEAUTIFUL your characterization is BEAUTIFUL. I rambled about all this already in FFN comments but just. BEAUTIFUL. I appreciated the comments very much and am very happy to hear it!!

I’ve actually been in the worst reading slump for the past - year, actually LOL. it happens Nothing I’ve read has really seized me until Paradox - and honestly it did, woooo! it grabbed me from the very first chapter, and it was in part due to the hook (“wtf is goin on with hermione”) and in part due to, just, ugh, your writing, delicious. And then it just kept getting BETTER??? I was like “wow how does she do this” and then I was too busy gaping and screaming to ask that question anymore 

And that kiss??? May I say, the kiss at the end, it was. Perfect. I can’t. Not only was it beautifully written in general, but also, the moment with Draco’s recognition - the moment with him going *oh*, xyz, *oh*, that was so rhythmical on top of beautiful and I just. I screamed. definitely one of my favorite scenes I’ve ever written, thank you. writing it was a dream

I’m sorry I turned this ramble into an entire essay but basically

Love

I’m so excited to read Nobility and Lady Vengeance and actually everything you’ve ever written lmfao

Actually I’m pretty sure I slept on Nobility bc it was “eventual Dramione” according to tags but with the way you write Draco (even the original) and his intensity (see below) I just. I am willing to raze my Tomione heart to ashes haha. well, I do think part of the reason you were able to enjoy this fic more than some of the early readers is because you may have come in with a more open mind? certain dramione fans were…. upset, to say the least, about the two being paired up with the “wrong” versions. regardless I’m happy to hear it

I also really love the way you write Pansy based on your Sirius fic so. Ugh. I’m very excited like you don’t even know

Also old Draco’s intensity in the final half/third of the story I can’t

He went from “very canon Draco who works well with Sexy Hermione” to me going laksjdf;asjkdfdjkdskskskskskks 

literally just

Draco: *stares silently at Hermione for five seconds, except written beautifully*

me: *dramatic swooning only it’s bc I actually fainted bc ur draco is a treasure and i am WEAK* wonderful

also the reconciliation scene at the end. so perfectly written; it was inevitable I’d love the one between old draco and new hermione, but I also loved the one following; it was – both meaningful and oddly sweet and – nostalgic, I think, is the word I’m looking for aw that’s nice

and that reminds me

you are SO GOOD at setting atmosphere it’s just – I feel like that’s one of the hardest things to write, is atmosphere, and yet. You do it so seamlessly in such an impeccable way to the point that I just got swept away by the story before I even realized it and just. ugh. thank you! all of this is very nice to hear

Your writing is amazing thank you

Also I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ramble quite this hard LOL it happens to the best of us. thanks so much for reading and reviewing!! I appreciate it IMMENSELY and I’m always especially happy to hear someone enjoys this story in particular

[my-autistic-things]

Autism test anon here. I am an adult, but I'm pretty estranged from my parents and grandparents (who raised me more than my parents did). I've heard of several adults who didn't involve their parents and were diagnosed but will this affect it in any way? The most I could do is get my dad to call or email (but he works a lot and is super neglectful and in another time zone so that's a soft maybe) Thank you for answering BTW it's made me much more at ease (other than the parents part lol)

I'm glad I could help! I wouldn't stress too much about the parents part. For minors, namely children/young teens, parent reports are probably more essential because the kid can't report their own behaviors as accurately (or even know what's going on to be asked questions, if they are that young). Also they have less years being autistic to draw memories from. For me, all my mom (aka a person who was present during my childhood, so it could be an aunt/grandma/best friend's mom even probably) had to do was the online survey thing I mentioned. I did have the option to not include her at all after I asked about how the test would look and if the word "autism" was going to show up anywhere. I wasn't sure how accepting she would be, just for me to go out and seek a diagnosis, so I didn't want to spook her. If your psychiatrist does the same thing as mine did, your dad could do the survey thing pretty easily (theoretically). My mom had like....2 weeks to do it? Probably longer if she really procrastinated. The two week "deadline" was just from my initial appointment with the doctor when she emailed the link to my mom until the appointment where I did the eval. The psychiatrist was fairly open to me not involving her at all, though. The point is to get as accurate as a background to your childhood as possible, because let's be honest, nobody can remember how they actually were growing up. Also it shows from a different perspective how long certain symptoms were present and if you're blowing things out of proportion or you do have issues socially. The main thing that comes to mind is people saying "omg I don't wanna do my homework I'm so ADHD" or "ugh I can't flirt I'm so autistic" like first off, buddy-pal, your wrong, stop it, ew shut up, but also people do think of themselves as more socially awkward (and also all negative things) as more severe then they actually tend to be perceived as. So having someone else say "yup this person says slightly off things by neurotypical standards" is just like a verification thing. Also you could be lying, which doctors sometimes like to think....🙄. (Also, some traumatic brain injuries result in behaviors/symptoms/changes that actually look very similar to autism; if you had symptoms since birth/a very young age, then it's probably autism, if it's only after, say, you were in a car accident, hmmm maybe not autism). If you can identify yourself as having clear examples and situations from stories like "my mom/dad always used to make fun of me for lining up all my toys by color and size and that was my version of "playing" with them haha" or "yeah, I always needed to be tucked in super tight at night ever since I was a baby otherwise I would cry" stuff like that, then that should be acceptable.

When you give answers to questions, try to think of examples when you were little (either that you remember or that your parents have told you about) around ages 2-7 ish, during your teen years, and also recently as an adult. One example could be: as a kid I hated playing with other kids because my play scene didn't match with theirs and I only wanted to do mine, as a teen I hated group work because we never could agree on the same topic/way of doing things, and now I hate working with coworkers for the same reason" something kinda like that. Might be a tad overkill and you might not be able to even answer fully without being cut off like "hey yeah that's enough info I don't need all that *awkward laugh*" but it really doesn't hurt to be overprepared. This is where writing down some notes and bringing it would be really helpful, or asking to write a follow up email after asking friends/family who knew you growing up. Also, if your dad was neglectful (very sorry to hear about that btw) he might not even know you well enough to report behaviors anyways, so that's something to mention if the psychiatrist needs more reasoning then "he won't respond".

If you really want to overprepare, you can compare different disorders that can present similarly like ADHD, OCD, social anxiety, BPD, etc. and prepare examples according to the ASD criteria that couldn't be examples by a different disorder. Like a lot of my examples I gave mapped pretty well onto only social anxiety and OCD with my previous ADHD dx, so I made sure to discuss the sorta "root" of my social anxiety being how I have difficulties understanding people's intentions and meanings behind their words (rather than mainly talking about how I worry others perceive me).

Now that this has turned into another really long ramble, I'll stop now lol

[rawmerobotman]

heyyy, ugh I'm feeling a little down and out, do you think I could get some comfort from swerve?

It’s well past last call, and you know you should’ve filed out with the rest of the crew when they had left nearly an hour ago. Even the typical stragglers had already been ushered out by Ten, who was still dutifully attending to the upkeep. Swerve had struck up an idle conversation with you before you could make to leave, however - the first real conversation you had had all night - and you just couldn’t find it in yourself to leave after that.

At some point the lights had gone down, leaving you to bask in the soft pink glow of engex behind the bar. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can hear the sound of water burbling in the tanks. You’d mark it down on the list for things to signify a good day because you would never hear it over all of the ruckus your crewmates cause on any other day.

You think that maybe today might have been one of those good days. The type that lets you coast through the afternoon without incident, easy and relaxing, bringing it all to a gentle evening that’ll leave you refreshed in the morning.

But recently, you’ve been feeling exhausted. Emotionally drained. No particular reason why, you think- this sort of thing happens to everyone.

Swerve has been gracious to you thus far- he’s rambled his way to deliver you a crash course in human cinema, firing off titles of recommendations and controversies that spurned a decade of classics. He makes it easy to keep a conversation going; even if it’s just inane chatter about something completely irrelevant, he can casually make it sound like something worth talking about.

You’re touched that he’s stayed here with you for so long. But something like worry negs insistently at you, that you’re taking advantage of his hospitality, as he does not often find himself in genuine company. The fact that he continues to serve you past close contributes to your uncertainty, because you know mechs closer to him have tried to persuade him into a couple extra rounds only to be reputed and sternly directed to the exit.

You’re so caught up in your own thoughts that you don’t notice that Swerve’s been watching you with a concerned eye for the past couple of minutes in silence. There’s a noisy little sigh that sounds awfully like disappointment. “Something on your mind?”

“I just- I don’t know.” Your legs kick out as your reminded that you’re sitting on a stool with no backing, just about ready to flail off until you miraculously grab hold of the bar. Once you’ve recovered, you slump forward against the counter, feeling particularly miserable for yourself. “It’s late- I shouldn’t have kept you as long as I have. I’m sorry.” You should leave him to finish up.

“I like to think I have a good read on people- maybe not so well with the delivery of my ridiculously good comedic commentary, but more on terms of knowing when someone could use a little company, y’know?” He’s been trying to go for nonchalant, but the way he worries the glass with his bar towel borders obsessive compulsive. “And sure, there’s plenty of appropriate times when all you need is a little me time, but then there’s also times when you isolate yourself for the sake of being alone, for no good reason other than to make yourself feel miserable. When it gets like that though, don’t forget that you have friends, okay? Actual friends, who wouldn’t think twice if you happened to call them in the middle of the night!”

“Yeah,” you agree softly. There’s an absent look on your face as you maul over his words, but he doesn’t look away while you’re lost in thought. If you were more present, you might catch the way he regards you kindly, the light of his visor a touch softer. There’s a lot you might notice if you’d felt more comfortable to look for them, instead shying away at the first sign of emotional intimacy. It was still something that even Swerve had trouble doing himself.

He’s surprised when you look back at him- when you really look at him, with a smile he can’t help but think of endearingly. “I think you’re one of the only ones who really understands that, though.” If you notice that he’s gotten a little disquieted, you’re merciful enough not let it show. Instead, you reach out to give his hand a warm, gentle squeeze as you continue. “Thank you for hanging around after hours just to spend time with me. Really- I appreciate it.”

“Yeah-” now he’s flustered, “don’t mention it! Honestly, anytime really. I’ll help. If you need- me.” He stops abruptly, because it’s honestly not coming out right and he’s embarrassed. Swerve would like to congratulate himself for not making a show of throwing hands, which would call even more attention to his display which he certainly hopes that you didn’t notice.

“How much do I owe you?” You ask, and he’s close to thanking you for distracting yourself from his antics.

“Nothing.” He can tell you’re going to object before you say anything, if the look on your face is anything to go by. “Honestly, this one’s on me tonight.”

You don’t look like he’s convinced you, but your expression softens enough to give him a smile. “Then I guess you won’t mind if I walk with you back to your habsuite? You know, with the sparkeater, the psychotic phaser sixer, and nutjob. Never know what’s next.” He’s taken aback when you offer your arm, but by the way a smile cracks across his face you can tell that he enjoys it as he tucks a small servo into the crook of your elbow before leading the way.