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ohworm-writes · 4 years ago

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hello! :) so u know how kuon has a crush on sniper right ? can i get an imagine where reader is jealous bc of kuon, cuz u know, her crush on sniper etc etc (sorry i'm just vv lazy at typing), and how sniper reacts to it ?? can u make it like they're still friends but have mutual feelings for each other as they hang out as a unit, and they get together in the end bc sum confessions happened !! sorry if u don't get it i'm rlly bad at explaining but thank u in advance if u do this !! <33

High-Rise Invasion/Tenkuu Shinpan: Sniper Mask Boyfriend Imagine

high-rise invasion/tenkuu shinpan masterlist

‼ Jealous Reader (over Kuon) + Make up + Confession ‼

Featuring: Sniper Mask, Yuri Honjo, Mayuko Nise (implied), Kuon Shinzaki (implied)

Warnings: frustrated Y/n, crushes, jealousy

a/n - good GODS this has been in my inbox for a while and i’m so so so sorry for not posting it way sooner! hopefully you see this anon, and i hope you enjoy!

content below the cut!

you had developed a crush on the man in the mask ever since you first joined Yuri's little group

you couldn't really tell what it was the drew you to him

he was silent, dismissive, and he was a Mask for goodness sake!

but none of that deterred you from the attraction you garnered for him

you always found yourself trying to interact with him

whether it was offering your help with something that he was doing, or simply keeping him company

most times he brushed you off, walking away and not giving you an answer

other times he silently accepted your offer

those times the two of you would sit in comfortable silence, just enjoying one another's presence

you cherish moments like these for a very specific reason

Kuon

now you had nothing against the girl!

... at first

she seemed nice enough, always eager to help, and full of ignorant innocence

but then you realized her (very obvious) crush on the masked man

the way she got flustered around him so easily

the way she clung to him like a lost child

at first, you thought maybe she saw him as a parental figure, seeing how young she was

but that thought was (very) quickly thrown to the wind when you saw her wrapped up in his jacket, blushing like the schoolgirl she was and giggling to herself

so what she liked him? you liked him too, maybe the two of you could bond over that!

that's what you told yourself

of course, you never acted on it

it was simple, you were too jealous to do so

you noticed how Sniper Mask welcomed all her little instances without a care in the world

not giving a damn when she clung to him

or batting an eye at her obvious fangirling

it pissed you off

naturally, you began to avoid Kuon

and Sniper Mask simultaneously

you avoided the two of them whenever you could

when you saw them walking towards you, you kept to the opposite side of the wall and walked quickly past them

when you all usually ate together, you picked up your food and ate outside

you were simply, undeniably jealous

you didn't think Sniper Mask cared about it, not that you could tell under his mask

but in actuality, he was confused as to why you avoided him all of the sudden

so, he opted to ask you one day

You shut the door to the dining room rather aggressively as you exited, but you couldn't care less. You let your body slump against the adjacent wall, your plate of food resting on your lap.

Today had been... exhausting, to say the least. Kuon was on her usual actions of pining over 'Mr. Mask', crossing your way a few more times than you would have liked. During your meeting earlier with her and Yuri, your fellow mouthless masked allies, she had the gall to talk on and on about how much she adored him.

You hated it.

You looked down at your food, a scowl finding its place on your features. You glared at it, pushing the pieces around with your fork, not noticing a door open and close right in front of you.

"Jesus, if that food was alive, it would be 6 feet under with the glare you're giving it." You hear a gruff voice call from in front of you. A voice you would rather not be hearing right now.

You continue to move around the food, staying silent as the man awkwardly stands in front of you, unsure of what to do with himself in this situation. "Is it, uh, okay if I sit here?" He asks, which finally makes you look up.

He had a plate of food between his own hands, his jacket gone and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His mask covered his face, per usual, but it seemed much more lopsided than usual.

You give him a shrug in response, looking back down at your food again. He stands there for a moment, before taking a seat right next to you, your knees almost touching. "You don't mind if I eat with you, right?"

His question makes your eye twitch. Was he seriously trying to be all buddy-buddy with you now? You shrugged again, not giving him as much as a single word.

You heard him sigh, setting his food to the side before he speaks again. "Alright, what's going on?" He asks, making your body tense up. "Nothing." You shoot back, scowling.

"What happened to the Y/n that stayed up and talked about their life for hours? What happened to the Y/n that told me horrible jokes to try and get a reaction out of me? Huh? What happened to them?"

That broke you.

You were angry, furious even. Was he trying to blame this on you? You didn't do anything wrong! If it wasn't for Kuon, maybe you would still be that person! If it wasn't for her, you could still be friends with him! You could be-

"What?" You hear him say softly, much softer than his previous tone. Shit, did you say that out loud? "Yeah, you did." He says again, looking at you with a concerned expression on his face, not that you could tell.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out. I just- I’ve been-" You stutter, trying to find the right words. He laughs at that, actually laughs at it.

His laugh is hearty, warm, almost inviting you to laugh along with him. You don't, but he quickly composes himself, making your head turn towards him.

"Why on Earth were you jealous of Kuon?" He asks honestly, watching at how the invisible gears turn in your head, searching for an answer. You sigh heavily, running a hand across your face as you shake your hands while you speak.

"I just- she’s always there with you. She's latched onto you 24/7! I can't get 5 minutes alone with you before she comes barging in." You rant, frustration evident in your shaky voice.

"I just wanted to be your friend, be close with you. I can never do that because she's-she's there." You groan, hugging yourself with your arms. "I sound like a selfish idiot now, huh?"

You laugh dryly, frowning. He sighs, but a smile plays at his lips. "Y/n." He begins, his hand resting you your forearm. "You know she would never purposefully do that. She just, she has an infatuation with me I guess."

He sighs dramatically, earning a chuckle from you. "But." He tells you, watching your eyes as he speaks. "That doesn't mean I didn't miss you."

Your heart skips a beat at his comment, face flushing softly. "Kuon also misses you. You might not have caught onto it, but she looks up to you." He explains, smiling at how your expression softens, mumbling a soft 'she does?' to him.

He nods, laughing once more. "Come on, have dinner with the rest of us. We can't have you sitting alone out here anymore." You roll your eyes, but take him up on his word. He leads you back to the other, Kuon frantically waving over to the two of you the second you pass through the door.

"Y/n! Come sit with me!" She yells excitedly. Maybe you were wrong about her.

after that interaction, the three of you were all on much better terms

yes, kuon still had her habits, but he toned them WAY down after you explained to her how it made you feel

she teased the hell out of you for it too

you, of course, shrugged it off

but you never told her that she was wrong

you were happy to be on good terms with Sniper Mask again

he made a lot more time for you

your old interactions coming back at full force, and some new ones

he loved to take you on little walks on the high rises

he also made it a point to teach you how to shoot his rifle

which was terrifying, but exhilarating

you fell for him harder and harder every day

one day, you ranted your feelings out to Kuon

and while she wasn't surprised, it warmed her heart to see how much you loved him

yes, she crushed on him too, but that didn't take away from the obvious connection she saw between the two of you

unbeknownst to you, Sniper Mask had come to her about the same things

his usually cold demeanor broke whenever he talked with you

he genuinely enjoyed your company, he wanted more of it

and then some

so, she put a plan together

operation "get Mr. Mask and Y/n together" is a go!

she took it all very seriously

making sure you guys get paired together for scouting missions? that's all her

convincing Sniper Mask to get you little gifts and things? of course

overall, the best wing-woman you could ask for

however, the one thing she didn't have anything to do with was his confession to you

he could have used her help with it, that much was clear

but he wanted to tell you how he felt, no help necessary

Sniper Mask had told you earlier this morning to meet you at his room when the sunset before he rushed to get out of your vicinity like you were a plague. Granted, it hurt your feelings, but you couldn't stand him up.

You knocked gently on the wooden door, stepping back and waiting patiently for it to open. After about a minute, while you had heard nothing, you went to knock again.

Your efforts were proved useless as the door swung open hastily, revealing a disheveled Sniper Mask. His usual blazer and fedora were long forgotten, his hair messy, strands pointing this way and that. His mask sat lopsided on his face, still covering it fully.

"H-hey Y/n." He mumbled out, you offered him a wave as he awkwardly shuffled to the side, opening the door as an incentive for you to come in. You stepped inside, walking to the center of the room as you heard him close the door behind you.

You turned to speak to him again, but those thoughts were cast aside as you felt his hands settle onto your cheeks and his lips molding with yours. It startled you, you're eyes open in shock as you looked at him. His mask was completely off, thrown somewhere in the room, but he didn't seem to have a care in the world.

You quickly melted into the kiss, bringing your hands up to gently hold onto his forearms. He hummed, taking a moment before pulling away, leaving the two of you to gasp for air as he rested his forehead against yours. You opened your eyes to meet his, full of adoration.

"I, uh, I think I'm in love with you?" It was more of a question, but you took it happily. You laughed softly, your fingers rubbing small circles in his forearms.

"Was that what that was?"

#sniper mask #sniper mask x reader #tenkuu shinpan #tenkuu shinpan x reader #high rise invasion #high rise invasion x reader #tenkuu shinpan headcanons #high rise invasion headcanons #sniper mask headcanons #yuka makoto #yuka makoto x reader #yuka makoto headcanons #headcanons #x reader #anime x reader #request #worm answers #kuon + reader

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rawrtriesagain · 2 years ago

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Long post incoming idk how to do Read More on mobile, sorry. Tldr: just a post abt my writing as usual and stuff about my interest in lwa (nothing crazy)

I know I talk abt my old fuckin fics all the fuckin time (like Jesus theyre old enough to be considered toddlers now) but anyway this is my vent blog and y’all will never hear the end of it so guess what still has an absolute GRIP over my mind after 3 years

Its forest of arcan- im jk its dreamer of stars lmaooo. I reread it right now for the funsies after months of forgetting abt it, and each time I read it I think “surely I am over this story and can move on with my life” and like the first half of the story its like yea I kinda am over it haha but then the second half just obliterates the thoughts and runs me over and I just lay in my bed and contemplate my life and go into like a State of Emotions and simply have to talk about it (but it also could be because its 4am at the time of writing this)

I do think it mostly has to do with nostalgia though. Truthfully I’m probably not able to write smth like that again because it was 100% written completely on emotion and quite actually everything bad Diana was feeling in the story was smth i was also going through so it was easy to… write a vent and disguise it as a fic LOL. But I was also running on the high of being in love with my best friend which also really easily translated to everything going on in the fic blah blah nobody remembers it but me so this means nothing to anybody and im being cringe and gay on main (not even my main)

ANYWAY the point of my babbling here is that honestly I miss having that intense amt of emotions that would spur that level of creative writing? Like yea forest of arcana (not updated in over a year) is fun and all but it definitely isnt written on a personal level like dreamer was. I also just genuinely miss writing lol and its like ok bitch why dont you write then and then its like good question why dont i?? I probably still enjoy writing more than i do drawing and i know my blogs say otherwise but the two mediums are both definitely different outlets for my life. Maybe i would change my mind the day my art is actually good tho 😛

Im laffing rn seeing me talk abt this “deep” different outlets of life cause like when u think abt it im also literally just Currently describing little witch fanfic and fanart since thats all i do LOL. Not that theres anything wrong with lwa being my Muse of course, but it just adds humor in whatever the emo hell im going on about

Another side sad mini vent but i dont think im as into lwa as i used to be which also waters down my interests in doing things, but im literally not interested in any other media or fandom rn either so lwa stays my hyperfixation. Plz dont be alarmed lol im not saying im NOT into lwa anymore since diana is still a fuckin god to me like 10/10 chara design and vibes, but its definitely not as strong as it was when i first joined the fandom 3 years ago. And you know what maybe it has to do with me not watching little witch academia in full in those entire three years after i first watched it lmao. Most of the friends ive made in the fandom are pretty much gone too which is sad but is what it is. Sometimes i get a burst of seratonin when i think about smth diakko and definitely like now when i reread my fics i also remember the Emotions i had for these Gays and it like floods back for a bit like a buff.

I think something im very interested in for both the spark of writing and also the revitalization for my love for diakko is that i wanna do like a oneshot slice of life series for diakko. Just something easy, cute, subjectively funny, and a vibe. I still fantasize abt diakko shenanigans even if mundane and i wish i could also capture it more in my art but im not at that level yet, so writing it is. First i probably need to rewatch lwa in full since ive forgotten most everything except for key diana scenes haha oopsie And sucy world episode that was a good fuckin episode.

Anyway thanks for reading this far if you did lol sorry for the LONG ASS NONSENSE POST. Sometimes i see how i type in my blog and to people and compare it to my writing and its like where the hell did my comprehensive english go. Sorry if this was just hard to read from the lack of grammar and punctuation but thats showbiz anyway stay tuned for the next diana content ttyl bffl rofl xD zomg

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imaginethathaikyuu · 4 years ago

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kinktober - day ten

atsumu miya - promise

kinktober faq kinktober prompt list

NSFW warning featuring: protected sex, dirty talk, fingering, first time together, atsumu being absolutely so horny for u

other tags: mentions of past partners, mentions of reader having a bad first time having sex, mentions of feelings of apprehension about having sex, insecurity caused by a past partner, established relationship, building trust, reassurance, atsumu being out of character for the sake of my own comfort, he just loves u a lot ok?

fem reader

(sorry this is out late! i got behind because i took a trip out of town over the weekend. i’ll get back on track sometime this week!) word count: 2936

For what felt like the first time - but definitely wasn’t - looking into Atsumu’s eyes left you feeling nothing but apprehensive.

And he could tell.

“You know I’m not gonna hurt you, right?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know.” It was honest, maybe too honest, but you’d rather tell the truth than avoid your feelings. And Atsumu didn’t care about how your words made him feel.

“We don’t have to do this,” he said, and he was already getting off of you and sitting up straight. “Come on, let’s just go watch a movie.”

“Don’t you want to do it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

But it did - the only thing that mattered to you was figuring out if your boyfriend really wanted you.

“I just want to know if you really want me,” you argued. “How am I supposed to know if you mean it or not?”

“God, you’re frustrating,” he said with a scoff as he pulled you to sit up with him. “I only want what you want. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

You didn’t reply. Atsumu didn’t like that.

“Look at me.”

You didn’t want to, but you looked up at him anyway.

“Of course I want you - of course I really want to do this. But I don’t give a shit about what I want, alright? If you don’t want to have sex yet, how can I want it?”

“I do want it,” you insisted, but it wasn’t convincing.

“You don’t have to want it, doll.”

“I do,” you said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.”

“Why are you scared?” he asked, “What are you afraid of?”

It was a heavy question; Atsumu regretted asking it the moment the words fell from his lips, because he already knew the answer.

“Okay, you don’t have to answer that,” he said, attempting to fix the situation, but it was going to take more. You knew that.

“I just want to be good enough for you - I’m not as experienced as you, Atsumu, and the only time I’ve done it -”

“I know.”

It was quiet. The annoyance in Atsumu’s voice made you recoil.

He released a fiery breath, and took your chin into his hands. “I’m not your ex, okay? Fuck that guy - it pisses me off to even think about him. You didn’t deserve how he treated you - you deserved to have the first time you wanted. But I’m not like him - I’m not just going to fuck you and leave - I’m not a fucking scumbag. I don’t care how experienced you are, or even about anyone I’ve ever fucked. I want you - bad - but I want you to be comfortable more. I would wait forever because it’s worth the wait, and even if you never want to do it, it wouldn’t matter to me. I’m not dating you for sex, alright? Do you hear me?”

“Yes, ‘Tsumu,” you said, giggling at his heartfelt lecture. “I hear you.”

You repeated his words to yourself because you knew you needed to remember them; your past doesn’t define your present, and you wanted to let go of your fears and trust Atsumu in the way you yearned to. You deserved better, and you trusted he would treat you better.

“Good.” He sealed it with a quick kiss, then said, “just tell me what you want to do, and we’ll do it. Whatever you want.”

“I want you,” you said honestly. “I want to do this with you - I just want to be good enough.”

Atsumu scoffed again, “You are good enough,” and pulled you closer with his hands around your waist. “Let me show you - let me prove it, baby.”

He pulled you in for a kiss, one that was as deep as it was sweet; he kissed you slow and patient, giving you every opportunity to pull away.

But you had no plans to do that, and when he pushed you to lie back, you did.

“If you want to stop, just tell me,” he said, keeping his voice low. “This is about you, alright? Only about you - we’ll only do what you want to do.”

You felt small underneath him, and you wanted to give in to that feeling. You were comfortable, and you wanted to let yourself be comfortable. The way he was looming over you made you feel something, and you wanted more of that.

Yet, still, just to be sure, you asked, “Promise?”

He gave you a pretty grin, one that you knew was genuine. “I promise,” he replied, leaving kisses on your neck in the wake of his words. “I’d never hurt you. I only wanna make you feel good.”

You nodded, quietly laughing because his lips were tickling your neck.

“God, you’re cute,” he said, and you kept laughing.

“Promise?”

“You know you’re cute,” he argued. “Yeah, I promise.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“You’ll see,” he said as his hands trailed underneath your shirt. “I’ll show you what you do to me, doll.”

And you were ready for it. For some reason, something about that night felt right. Atsumu was as patient and caring and kind that night as he’d always been - he’d never failed to try his best to comfort you. But, yet, something about right then was different.

You were still apprehensive, still nervous, still insecure. Those feelings hadn’t gone away - Atsumu couldn’t change that. But at the same time, you were feeling things you never had: excitement, desire, arousal.

And when he settled between your legs and you felt him against you, you were sure that you wanted to do this. You knew you wanted him.

He was kissing you again while his hand moved deeper into your shirt. “Can I touch you?” And immediately, you nodded.

He touched you carefully, holding your breast over your bra with care. It was almost too soft, but you loved it - it’s what you needed.

It was hard for him to keep it up, to take this slow, because of how badly he needed you. He wanted to see you and touch you and feel you, all of you, but he couldn’t - not yet, not until he knew you wanted it just as much as him.

So he would push it a bit farther, just to see how you felt. “Do you want me to take my shirt off?”

He saw the way your eyes lit up, and he knew what your answer would be before you gave it. “Yeah - please.”

He smirked down at you, “Help me out, doll,” and he watched as your shy hands grabbed the hem of his shirt. You pulled it off slowly, and Atsumu had to ask, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” you replied with a shaky breath. “A little overwhelmed.”

“In a good way?”

You thought for a second, and you responded with your heart. “Yeah, ‘Tsumu, in a good way - I want you.”

And he loved to hear it - it brought him out of his shell, it brought his confidence back. He didn’t need to treat you like you were going to break, he didn’t need to be too soft. He just needed to be himself, to give you all of him, because that’s what you wanted. Atsumu knew how to treat you right, and that’s what he was going to do.

“I want you,” he said back. “I want you, I want to touch you, can I?”

The way you replied was by unbuttoning your pants, and it was the only response Atsumu needed. He kissed you again, just to settle his excitement and bring himself back down to earth, while you pushed your pants off.

“We can go slow,” he told you. His fingers were digging into your hips, his own need for you was growing.

And you pushed his hand lower, because your curiosity and desire were becoming too much. You wanted to be touched by him; you wanted to feel good because of him.

He did touch you, over your underwear, just barely. And he was the one moaning at the feeling - you were so warm, and already wet for him.

“Fuck, you’re gonna feel so good,” he mumbled.

He touched you harder, circling in different spots until he found the right one. Your quiet moans drove him crazy - it made him need so much more, and he knew you did, too.

“Gonna take these off,” he said as he tugged on your underwear. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah,” you nodded.

Before he pulled your underwear off, he had to ask you, “How far do you wanna go tonight, baby?”

He watched your face as you thought of an answer, and he realized that he may have been pushing you too much. This was going fast, and he hardly realized it until the two of you were sitting in silence.

So he continued, “We don’t have to fuck, if you don’t want to.”

You had to laugh at the vulgarity of his words - they were stark in comparison to how softly he’d been speaking to you all night.

But as soon as he asked the question, you immediately had your answer. “I want to go all the way.”

You knew you wanted it - you knew you were ready to do this again; despite having a terrible first time before you met Atsumu, you weren’t thinking about the past. You were only thinking about him.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

He kissed you, then said, “Promise?”

You smiled up at him, “I promise,” then proved your words with another kiss. It was confident and meaningful - you didn’t need to say anything else.

He pulled your underwear off easily, then spread your legs and saw you for the first time, and your desire to be touched outweighed any insecurity you had about being left bare.

“You’re fucking perfect,” Atsumu said, and his words hit you like hot water. “I can’t wait to bury myself into you - fuck, your cunt is perfect, baby.”

He knew he was testing his limits, but he couldn’t help it. He was lost in the sight of you, lying there with nothing but his t-shirt on, half naked in front of him for the first time. And you were embarrassed, he could tell - but he could also see the positive effect he had on you. He liked it.

Atsumu could be selfish, he knew that. But if you didn’t have a problem with it, neither did he.

You felt his fingers on you, they were searching for your entrance - he had completely forgotten to warn you until he already had a knuckle inside you.

“This okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, and he couldn’t tell if your high pitch was because you were surprised, because it felt good, or both.

This pace was killing him - he spent a good five minutes pumping one finger into you before he added another, and from the moment your moans started he knew he couldn’t take waiting any longer.

But he would. And he’d add a third finger, just because he knew you could take it, and he’d make you cum as many times as it took before you were begging for more. He could only imagine how good it would feel to have you squeezing around his cock, how proud of himself he’d be as you were cumming for him, how amazing it’d be to finally have that experience with you after waiting for so long.

And that’s what he was thinking about when he felt you tightening around his curling fingers, when he heard you give a warning for your orgasm in the form of his name.

The only way you could describe the feeling was purely delightful - it lasted longer than you thought an orgasm could, and you felt that familiar tingling sensation across your entire body.

It was the first time another person had ever made you cum, and as soon as it was over, you wanted to feel it again.

“Good girl,” Atsumu praised you, “you’re such a good girl, baby - you look so pretty when you cum, you know that?”

You whined his name as he kept uttering praise, as his fingers continued to fuck you. He was holding back on purpose, just to tease you, and you didn’t like it.

You pulled on his hand to encourage him to pull his fingers out of you, and he complied.

“Please,” you flat out begged, “please, Atsumu, I want more - I wanna cum again, please fuck me.”

He shushed you, shamelessly tugging his shorts down as he spoke. “I know, doll, you don’t gotta beg me for it - let me get ready for it first, be patient - I’ll give you whatever you want.��

You didn’t want to, but you waited for him as he completely undressed, trying to be as patient as you could. He got up for just a second to put on a condom and lubricant, but it felt like hours in your needy state.

But he got back to you quickly, and he was ready to give you what both of you needed.

“Gonna put it in now,” he told you with a kiss on your cheek. “Is that alright?”

“Please,” you said, and the sound inflated Atsumu’s ego more than he’d admit.

“If you want me to stop, tell me, and I’ll stop,” he said, sounding serious in a way he hadn’t all night. “If it doesn’t feel good or if it hurts, say so, so I can make you feel good - okay?”

His words only reassured you even more; they reminded you that you were safe, cared about, and loved by the man above you. You weren’t just an object to him - you mattered to him as much as he mattered to you.

So you said, “Okay,” because you didn’t need to say anything else, and he kissed you as if to tell you that he was as ready as you were.

He pulled your legs high around his waist, and carefully, slowly, the tip of his cock found your cunt and sunk in. It was a stretch, but in the best way. You pulled him deeper into you with your legs because you couldn’t help it - you didn’t even realize you had done it - and that’s when you felt it sting.

And Atsumu could tell he’d hurt you, “Fuck, baby, that’s too fast - don’t do that,” and he tried pulling out but you held him in place with your legs.

“Just don’t move,” you said, focusing on the feeling of having him in you and not the pain you had caused yourself - it was already wearing off; in seconds, you felt comfortable again, so you told him, “Okay - I’m okay, babe.”

He gave a barely there thrust just to test it out, and when he didn’t hear you wince, he took it as a good sign. He let his head fall to your shoulder as his pace slightly sped up, as he tried getting used to this feeling.

“Fucking hell, it’s a tight fit,” he groaned, and he felt you squeeze around him in response to his words, making him hum a loud moan.

He couldn’t help snapping his hips against yours - he felt like he had no control over his movements, especially when your quiet moans turned into loud ones.

Atsumu was needy; he was chasing his own pleasure and was glad to hear your moans only get louder. He was doing something right in his blissed out daze, because in minutes you were asking him if you could cum.

“You don’t gotta ask,” he said. “Just cum, baby, whenever you feel it. Just let go, cum all over my cock, make a mess - I’ll be right behind you.”

He rubbed your clit to ensure you’d get there quicker, and that was all you needed from him to cum again. You really let go and you had never felt better - Atsumu did the same, cumming right after you.

It was comforting and warm, long and bright, vibrant and free. The only reason you would ever want it to end was so that you could experience the trip getting there again.

And then, for the both of you, that euphoric high was gone, as quickly as it had arrived, but the way you felt afterwards was just as good.

Atsumu left your side only to toss away the condom - he was back before you could blink.

“Are you okay?” he asked after seeing how breathless you were. He knew it was a good sign, but he had to be sure.

You pulled him close to you and he wrapped you up in his arms, hardly caring that you were a sweaty mess. You didn’t reply, and he wasn’t sure what that meant.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” he said, reassuring you without even knowing if you needed it. But he needed to do it - he needed you to hear his words and know he meant them. “I’m right here - you were perfect, doll, just like I knew you would be.”

You didn’t get caught up in your fears, because Atsumu wouldn’t let you. Not when you were in his arms, hearing him say things he wanted to tell you.

When it came to you, he was only ever honest. He’d never lie to you in the way he often lied to his brother; he’d never play you like a game of volleyball. He could only be himself, in the truest way possible, and both of you knew that.

And that’s why you knew that, in the morning, he’d still be right there next to you, just like he promised.

tune in tomorrow for kinktober day 11: touch starved

#kinktober 2020 #not family friendly #miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

Note

i saw that you at least used to write for harry could u do another? like maybe im just a basic bitch but 'only one bed' trope or sm

Summary: honestly just me shitty attempt at the only one bed thing ahah with Harry Holland x reader

no warnings I don’t think apart from my ramabling :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God you were groggy. It had been a long 16 hour flight and you were well and truly completely over this day. Once you’d had some proper sleep, no doubt you will be beyond excited to explore the forest and beaches of this remote island in Indonesia. You were certain it was beautiful, even if you’d arrived in the dead of night so you couldn’t see any of the majesty yet. It was one of the joys of being Tom’s makeup artist - travelling the world and being paid for it? A literal dream.

Except maybe the previous 24 hours. The Holland name carried a lot of weight in the world, but not enough to control typhoons across the tropics - there were some limitations to his power. And yes first class lounges were nice but none had beds to crash on during the 6 hour weather delay. The four of you (Tom, Harry, Andrew and yourself) ended up camping out in a out-the-way corner. Tom got the long sofa; Andrew in one of those weird egg line chairs; you and Harry splayed on the floor. Why you’d had to get up at 4 am to catch a flight that was now not departing till 12 hours later actually hurt to think about - especially because you’d all gone out for a meal the night before that had inevitable went a lot later than planned.

Two connecting flights with a very angry baby later, the four of you were checking in to the only hotel on the island - which was now almost exclusively filled with the production team for Tom’s newest movie. It wasn’t especially big-budget with massive million pound overheads, instead a smaller scale indie film (that you privately thought might earn Tom a number of accolades). But yeh, shooting on an island that received almost no tourism meant everything was different to the usual. None more so than for Tom and his team (including you) who he normally would look after very well, with the nicest hotel rooms or rental homes.

The hotel was basic, you’d known that before you arrived but seeing is believing is it not? Most entertaining though, was seeing Tom’s face. Andrew was a well travelled older guy, he had stayed in some shitholes in his life. Equally you and Harry had both travelled when you were younger (you through inter railing and him in australia), so had stayed in hostels before. But for Hollywood star Tom Holland? The way he tilted his head to the side as if to say ‘really this place?’ did lift your spirits momentarily.

Andrew had got his key first, bidding you all good night with a grunt, then Tom - who still seemed confused as to the whole arrangements. It left you and Harry at the small dingy reception, the warm glow of an old lantern-esque light fixing illuminating the place. The guy behind the desk was a smiley local and greeted you warmly, if incorrectly.

“Ah and finally the couple I see!” He spoke with a thick accent but still very clear English which had you questioning if this was just a translational error. Harry looked at you instantly, his eyes wide which made you scoff - him joining in, shaking his unruly curly mop emphatically.

“No no we um… we aren’t together.” All the while Harry pointed between the two of you, communicating through actions rather than just the language, given that you were both the very typical Brits abroad who hadn’t learnt the language of the place they were visiting.

“Still under Holland name?” The guy asked in a perplexed manner, flicking through a book filled with cursive scribbles and scanning to see if he’d made a mistake. He checked one, then looked up nervously before checking the same page once again- you saw where this was going. ”We, we only have couples room down for you though? 3 double rooms is the booking for Holland.”

It was late, you both stunk of a combination of plane and BO, you both just wanted your individual and respective beds.

“Well can we get another room then?” Harry didn’t quite snap but there was still an impatientcy to his voice, which came out whenever he was a little agitated. Seeing the slightly worried look the mans eyes, you leaned onto the desk with a genuine smile.

“Sorry we know its last minute and its not your fault, we’ve just had a really long flight.”

“I am terribly sorry miss but we are only small hotel and Hollywood has filled us up. I have no other rooms. I am truly sorry sir, ma’am.” The guy went from looking worried to terrified as Harrys jaw tensed up, you naturally squeezed his arm to try and ground him, instantly deciding that you’d just work it out.

“No no it’s not your fault, don’t worry we’ll figure it out. Can I just get the key?”

Harry stepped back and let youtakeover proceedings, signing all the insurance documents etc and asking the man about the breakfast arrangements and such, though you saw him furiously typing on his phone and by the buzzing in your pocket- presumed he was messaging the group of you Tom, Andrew and himself.

Once finished the guy pointed you on your way, up two flights of stairs and down a hall. The whole time Harry was muttering about how useless the other two were for not replying and also for making the wrong booking in the first place. If only you hadn’t been the last two to checkin, then it would’ve been someone else’s problem.

He felt especially guilty just because you were the only girl- he didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, hence why he was trying to locate his brother so they could share tonight till they got it figured out. The tension, combined with sleep deprivation, was palpable as you both walked in silence toward the room - Harry was trying to formulate a plan in his head as they did so. And honestly? You just couldn’t be bothered to deal with it. So, once you reached the door 57 holding the physical key (old school, rather than a key card) you just decided to address it.

“Will you chill please?”

“Well if my idiot broth-“

“Oh leave him be for god sake. If you’re okay with it I really don’t mind sharing with you tonight?” Not bothering to laugh at his slightly shocked expression with mouth hanging a little open, you fiddled with the key until the lock clicked open. From the entrance you had a pretty clear view of the whole room and… well, lets just say dated would be a fair expression - when compared to what you were used to? The floor was tiled and the bed was a small double, with some funky and slightly washed out prints of blue and red on the cover. The pillows looked a little limp, more like glorified pieces of cardboard than anything fluffy and comfortable. The walls were that yellowy magnolia shade that everyone in the UK had gone insane for in the 80s and there was an old school wooden wardrobe in the corner.

Home for 5 weeks.

With a shrug of your shoulders you entered, dumping your personal and work suitcases by the far wall carelessly - the higher priority action being to collapse on the bed. Doing so with an overdramatic huff, you let your eyes close but payed special attention to the delayed footsteps of Harry as he entered, then the slight creaking noise as he perched on the other side of the bed - no doubt looking at you, at least slightly fearfully.

The relationship between you and Harry was complex to say the least. Well no… it should be, not on the face of it. You had met through work and made friends. And you wished it was that simple but alas, nothing ever really is. When you’d first worked with Tom you were in the tail end of a relationship you had long since forgotten about - literally meaningless, not worth the time and effort you’d put into it. From the start you’d had a feeling Harry was more interested in you than the average co-worker (even if your job and therefore co-workers were anything but normal and average) but you were in a relationship so nothing ever came.

Then almost as if synchronised, just as you got out your relationship, Harry threw himself in the deep end with a girl he’d met through his family friends. Then the roles were somewhat reversed, you now spent a good chunk of your day just entertaining yourself with thoughts of the curly headed, slightly awkward, very-passionate-about-tea-making Holland. The cliche is so real - your always want what you cannot have.

However, a couple months ago his relationship had fizzled and faded away leaving both of you in a sort of no mans land. The sort of not wanting to ruin the friendship situation. The subject was never broached by either you - except you assumed he was being tormented in a similar way to how you were by his big brother and Andrew. Never publicly, yet whenever you found yourself alone in a room with one of them (being Tom’s makeup artist that happened often enough) there would always be a sly dig. The chemistry was so ‘obvious even a blind man could see it’. Somehow though, weeks of this and your were still stuck. Stuck in the middle.

“You sure you’re alright with this?” His voice was gruffer and hoarser from the long journey but you could hear the self-consciousness and naivety in his tone, without having to peel your eyes open and look at his face.

“I know your not a murder and plus, we shared the airport floor this morning… this is pretty much the same.” He hummed in acknowledgement so you carried on “and plus your pint sized.” That earned you a playful shove in the side as you sniggered, before pulling yourself up so you we now sitting next to him, legs hanging off the edge of the bed. His brown eyes searched deeply into yours, as if physically checking for any hint of regret or hesitation. “Don’t even dare offering to go on the floor.”

“Okay okay okay!” Holding his hands up in surrender, you both laughed, breaking the peace of the late night of the remote Indonesian island. Once an impressive yawn interrupted you though, Harry proclaimed it was time for bed and shooed you into the bathroom to get changed and sorted.

Honestly you were too tired and lazy to dig out your cleanser and skin stuff, instead opting to just splash a bit of water on your face before swapping into your pj shorts and an old tattered oversized tee. Once done you and Harry swapped, him coming out a couple minutes later in basketball shorts and a black loose fitting tee.

It wasn’t awkward so to speak, more a sort of excited-tense atmosphere, which there was no doubt Harry was mainly responsible. The boy was jittery and on edge, which to put simply, you didn’t have the energy to reciprocate.

With a quiet wish of goodnight to each other, Harry flicked off the bedside lamp and you both rolled to your respective edges of the bed, a large space of no mans land between you. In the middle. You know the first time you share a room with someone and you overthink everything? When you don’t want to move about or fidget too much in case it disturbs the other? When your listening intently to their breathing, in the hope it’ll even out and only then will you feel able to fall asleep yourself?

Well it doesn’t work when both of you are doing it. When both of you are professional over thinkers.

God knows how long it took till you gave up, favouring sleep over your worries and concerns. So you flipped over, no doubt rocking the whole bed, turning to face his back that was still huddled almost teetering off the edge of the bed. The only light within the whole room was that coming under the actually scarily large gap between the floor and the door to the hallway. It was just enough to see the back of Harry’s curls and you must’ve fallen asleep trying to trace all the torturous and windy routes of the strands.

///////////

In the morning the process of waking up didn’t come easy to you as normal for many reasons; the long day prior; the jet lag; the weird surroundings. So you stayed in this sort of blissful haze for probably longer than you should. Half aware but not really; half asleep but not quite. In the middle of sleep and alertness. Therefore it took you longer than it should have to notice the extra weight on the dip of your waist. Not anything alarming, just a presence you were absolutely not used to. It was only when you shifted a bit to lie further on your back, that enough of a stimulus from the added pressure made you actually open your eyes blearily. And sure enough, a limp hand looked to have casually and unconsciously been thrown over your side.

As if in slow motion, you traced the arm backwards - first with your eyes, but then having to twist your neck too. Only then could you fully see the browny ginger haired boy who was lowkey spooning you? It was certainly a way to fully wake you up, breath halted to a stand still in your lungs, in fear of disturbing him and having to confront what would almost certainly be an awkward situation.

There was still a safe hands width distance between the two of you except for the rogue arm. Harry’s head was placed to the edge of his pillow, mouth slightly parted as his breathing slightly tickled the wispy hairs on the back of your neck. He looked so peaceful and calm - a difference to the normal Harry who, even on a good day, took great pleasure in meticulously picking things apart and being a bit cynical. It was part of his ‘charm’; but seeing him like this was a type of vulnerability he rarely chose to show.

To be fair he was asleep, he dint realise he was exposing himself in this way.

Finding yourself a little transfixed (a bit creepy but hey) on the natural curves and definition of his face, you ever so carefully rolled over in the bed to face him. It stopped you from craning your neck and gave the sleepy boy a slight nudge, making him tense his arm a little more tightly round you.

He settled quickly though, giving you ample opportunity to just observe what was going on . Both right in front of you… and what the hell was going on in your head. Because to be honest it was an overwhelming amount of emotion thoughts for the early morning.

Somehow you must’ve eventually drifted off once again because the next thing you were aware of was a shuffling from immediately next to you. This time though, you were instantly aware of exactly the situation you found yourself in and chose to keep up the pretence of sleep - a little interested in how Harry would play it.

You heard a small gasp, having to suppress a chuckle at what you imagined Harry’s sleepy and panicked face looked like. That lasted a couple of moments, before you felt him painstakingly slowly peel his hand from your waist and if you were being 100% honest… you heart sort of sank.

What you had been expecting?- you don’t know and really there was really no reason to be disappointed. Yet, you still felt this deflated and disappointed feeling, hit your chest especially hard. Perhaps it was because of your focus on that emptyness that you forgot you were supposed to be pretending to be asleep./.

Because when he had delicately brushed the side of your face to tuck a rogue bit of hair behind your ear - your eyes flickered open. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, Harry froze, his hand still hovering over your jaw. Equally, you didn’t know what to do. Because really… do friends tuck hair behind the others ears? And do friends look at each other with this matched expression of confusion and fear?

It took a painfully long time (though in reality was probably only a matter of seconds) before the boy retracted his hand, suddenly sitting up from his reclined position down at you. Mirroring his actions, you both ended up sitting, facing the opposite wall, bodies closer than they needed to be in the double bed. Both still very much in the middle.

“I er-“

“-No no don’t… was nice of you” He had been about to apologise which you didn’t want to hear. You didn’t want to hear ‘ I didn’t mean it�� - you wanted him to mean it. In response Harry nodded jerkily, and from your peripheries, noticed he was searching your face for any sign of emotion.

“Still can’t believe this all happened… I-I didn’t disturb you too much did I?” He sounded really nervous. You were never like this with each other. So static and forced.

“No no… I slept really good actually.” Your register was quieter, waiting till you’d finished speaking before looking over at him with a self conscious smile.

“Ah I’m glad… I um-I did too.” The silence returned and the atmosphere just felt sharp. It felt like you were quite literally walking either side of a knife edge. It made you chew on your bottom lip, playing with the slightly frayed edges of the vintage quilt.

“Y/n- I look…” He’d bolted upright and voice was more raised than normal for the morning. “This is gonna sound so fucking weird, especially cos we’re literally in the same bed but... but I was thinking we could maybe go on a hike or something together?” What he seemed to be suggesting didn’t match the level of panic that was conveyed in his body language which confused you. And what the bed had to do with it… was yet to make sense in your head.

“I think Andrew said we’re getting some tour of island this afternoon so-“

“ I kinda meant just you and me.”

The penny dropped and it had you focusing all energy on processing what was happening - understandably causing Harry to only worry more with the lack of response. “I’m sorry if I’ve ruined ever-“

“No I-I….I’d really like that too.”

“Oh er… well… really?” The sheer shock made you giggle, feeling the two of you sliding back into the normal dynamic.

“Normally a boy has to buy me a drink before he gets in my bed but….” A mischevious smirk that spread across your lips gave Harry the final confirmation that just maybe you were interested too, making him scoff and quietly chuckle.

It was odd; mainly because this was the two of you being incredibly vulnerable and honest with each other - something that you hadn’t allowed yourself to be for fear of messing things up. And then one lazy morning, both with morning breath and slightly puffy eyes, it changed. For the first time when you looked at him, he really saw - and vice versa. You were still in the middle of something, yet it was completely different.

This time you were in the middle together figuratively as well as literally. In the middle of the bed, closer than you needed to be, but not wanting to retreat - while you both just looked shyly and bashfully at each… Eventually you lips hesitantly met in the middle.

#Harry Holland #Harry Holland fluff #Harry holland x y/n #harry holland x reader #tom holland

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kuroos-moon · 4 years ago

Text

「vi. Deal pt. 2」

warning/s: angst (just a lil bit)

a/note: for this smau, like my previous one, there will be numerous chapters wherein they aren’t text chains or necessarily smaus just like this chapter and the prologue. If that’s not to ur liking, or for any reason at all, pls feel free to tell me u wanna be removed from the taglist 🖤

He skeptically looks out through his window, and just like you had texted him a minute ago, there were no more reporters outside. Finally, he thought, not really expecting you to be telling the truth. Honestly, why do you mess with him so much?

Also, he’s been wondering ever since your reunion if you deliberately went to the gym for him or if that was pure coincidence and you’re spontaneously messing up his life right now. The moment he opens his door, he’s adamant on avoiding you because he just knew the person you were now is adamant on driving him insane by doing things like popping out of nowhere to pester him.

Speaking of which, what the hell are you doing in front of his doorstep? “Sakusa Kiyoomi!” You brightly smile, eyes lighting up at the very sight of him. “Nope.” He pulls the door close but you put a hand to stop him. He tugs on it, making you chuckle, but you stubbornly refuse to let him shut you out.

“Get out.” He snaps. “I’m not even inside, Sakusa Kiyoomi.”

Seriously? Saying his full name like that only ticks him off. “Don’t call me that.” He tugs harsher on his doorknob but you successfully grip the door with both hands now.

“Shall I call you love then?” You tease despite finding it extremely hard to keep the door open. It may now have dawned on to him that this was pointless as he lets go, though he’ll never admit that he’s actually afraid of accidentally shutting the door on your fingers—he knows he easily could.

“What do you want?” He sighs. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” How you left me? How you had the audacity to walk back in my life like you didn’t trample all over me before?

“Our relationship,” you grin. He chokes. “Our what now?” Laughter erupts from your throat, and it was bittersweet. You’re so carefree and mesmerizing—your eyes angelic and genuinely alight. But more than that, you’re ruthless and despicable, he knows that all too well.

“Won’t you invite me in? It’s cold y’know,” you place your hands inside your pockets. “Then freeze,” he narrows his eyes. He absolutely hates you, here he was slightly worrying he’ll go soft and easy on you because one could never control the heart yet you so easily reminded him of why you were the bane to his existence.

“Yup, figured walking in your home wasn’t gonna happen,” you mutter to yourself with a small smile. He hates it. Don’t act like you know him, because at some point you did, but you don’t deserve to have him etched in your memory.

“Tell me what you want so we could get this over with.”

“Right. Yes sir. Yes love,” you chuckle, not even minding that he remains unamused. “My manager has already arranged a live interview this afternoon.”

“You should’ve started with that. So, you’re here to ask me what you should say?” He asks, unintentionally looking down on your hands you’ve rubbed together for friction. It was indeed cold, you brought this upon yourself though.

“No, I’m here to make a deal with you. My statement for my interview later on depends on your response.”

He rolls his eyes, leaning his shoulder on the doorframe because talking to you definitely tired him out; sucked his soul out of him. “And by this lovely deal, what exactly are you proposing? Not that you have a leverage over me now or anything.”

You smile, stepping closer to him but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Instead, his feet remained planted to the ground, self-aware of how much his heart was racing right now and the only thing—albeit pathetic—he could do was glare at you.

“Befriend me for a month, that’s it.” That didn’t sound half as bad compared to how devilish you’ve been these past few days. “Go on,” he mutters, stepping back and away from you. “You can’t block my number and you have to reply to my texts.”

“Aren’t you ashamed of how pathetic and selfish you are right now?” He lowly says. You look up at him in surprise, there was faint hurt and vulnerability in his voice that wasn’t there before and you can’t help but feel guilty for it.

“I like you, I don’t know why, I just do.” Pain visits him like an old friend. Casual, embracing, and mind-numbingly heartbreaking. You look up at his eyes and could tell right away the discomfort in them, but it wasn’t just discomfort, there was agony too—perhaps. You could never be too sure, you think, looking down on both your shoes.

“I don’t know why you’re so hellbent on avoiding me, it felt like you hated me the first day we met, and I didn’t like the way you hated me for no apparent reason, much so because I happen to like you.” You’re rarely ever serious or this openly truthful with anyone other than your friends, it was only normal that it embarrassed you. But this didn’t feel exactly foreign either. It felt like he understood you somehow—your words and the thoughts you haven’t exactly expressed.

“I hated you the first time we met?” He repeats and you look at him, surprised at the surreal softness in his voice. “When… was the first time we met, y/n?”

That’s the first time he’s said your name. It made your cheeks flush warm and your eyes widen a fraction. This moment was temporary and fleeting, it was easy to see, because he certainly doesn’t call your name like that so naturally and so right—he certainly doesn’t look at you with the absence of resentment as he normally would.

“Three days ago, outside your gym,” you respond unsurely. As if you’ve reminded him of something utterly annoying, he had closed off himself once more, his eyes unreadable and brooding as they stared back at you.

“And this is why I hate you,” he chuckles humorlessly. You’re still pretending you didn’t know him, as if those years together were something you could so easily erase. “I don’t care what you say in that damned interview. Saying yes to that excessively self-centered deal of yours would lose me my self-respect, you know that.”

He finally steps out the door, closing it behind him as he walks past you and all the way to his car. He hopes this would be the last time he sees you; he desperately hopes so. The last thing he needs is a repeat of the emotional wreck he’s been when he was at the lowest point of his life after you so selfishly left him behind.

“Sakusa Kiyoomi!” You call off, and he stops in his tracks, clenching his teeth. You’re clearly overestimating his patience. “I don’t know how befriending me would lose you your self-respect. Hell, I am so irritated at you right now, hard-to-understand-breathtaking-stupid volleyball player!” You grit your teeth, he scoffs, finding your impudence unbelievably out of this world.

He wanted to bring up your past, to shove it right in your face that you had no right to be angry with his hostility considering everything you’ve done. But he can’t, it’s foolish to bring up history you insist you’ve forgotten. “You better watch my interview later on.”

“Oh?” He mockingly says, turning to look at you, “just what are you going to say?” He admits it is out of character for him to banter off with you like this, if you were someone else, he’s long gone inside his car. Maybe this was his way of saying goodbye to you for good, allowing himself to talk to you like this before moving forward with his life that’s anti-you.

“I’m telling them we’re the bestest of friends but we might marry!” You stick your tongue out at him before running off, you don’t even notice him freeze up. His heart fell to his stomach, he unconsciously held in a breath. No, he didn’t just hold in a breath, it’s getting harder and harder for him to breathe.

There it is again, his old, life-long friend. Crippling pain, anxiety, and resentment bundling up and turning into one heavy-ass anchor, pulling him deeper down than he’s been before. The stability he’s built and worked on by religiously avoiding you for years all went down the drain with those silly words of yours.

Just what kind of ridicule or twisted teasing are you pulling off?

“Wow, I’m surprised you guys put up with Oomi.” He hears your voice, lips tugging upward a little before he realizes what you had just said. Finally entering the gym, he sees you sitting in a circle along with his teammates.

He narrows his eyes at the back of your head. You should be in your winter uniform by now, he bets you forgot. One thing he hated about being a year older than you is that he goes to a different school now that he’s in highschool while you’re still on your last year of middle school, you just can’t seem to take care of yourself enough.

“Yup, Oomi’s really great, he’s the best, I guess that’s why you accept how cold he is sometimes huh,” you snicker, your enjoyment short-lived when you’re engulfed in a jacket and Sakusa’s scent. “Stop giving me backhanded compliments just because you think I’m not around,” he bitterly tells you though there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Oomi!” You rise up to your feet immediately and flung yourself at him. He catches you with no hesitation of course, guessing that you’re here again because you missed him. The rest of his teammates except Komori are surprised.

“Sakusa-kun, didn’t know you had a middle school girlfriend.”

“Ew, she’s not my girlfriend.” He bites back a smile though when you punch his shoulder. “What’s with the ew? Not that I like Oomi that much—he’s an ass,” you send him a pointed look, “but we’re the bestest of friends,” you grin.

“And we might marry someday, right Oomi?”

His face falls. “Can you not make me cringe like for a week or two, thanks.”

You scowl, “oh, so what, you don’t wanna marry me?” At this point, he blushes, you’re always so blunt and shameless, you could at least tweak it down a bit. He only scoffs, walking past you to pick up a ball from the ground, “didn’t say anything like that.”

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#haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! smau #haikyuu!! social media au #sakusa x reader #haikyuu social media au #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi

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orbitariums · 4 years ago

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𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐮𝐩 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟏𝟓)

part 14

hey y’all!! missed yall again ♡ hope y’all luvvv this chapter <3

also, thinking of making a new taglist for this soooo just reply to this post or send me an inbox if u wanna stay on this current taglist & lmk if u aren’t on it and want to be added!!

playlist

word count: 7.7k

warnings: age gap, smut

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧: 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐮𝐩 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

You practically ran up to the edge of the cliff, only slowing down partially because Steve was yelling at you from behind. You couldn’t help it though, you were obsessed with the scenery already, and being able to see it from this point of view was probably the best part of hiking for you every time. You hadn’t gone for a while, not since you’d been home in Cali, and Steve surprised you this morning by telling you to get into some comfortable clothes you could easily move in. Half your wardrobe was that since you were always outside, so the request was easy to fill. You honestly hadn’t even been expecting it when Steve drove all the way to this beautiful woodsy hiking location upstate.

It was quiet, and there weren’t many other hikers on the trail, so it felt like you were alone together. You talked amongst yourselves, the low chatter of your voices complimenting the sounds of various birds flitting by and the crunch of the dirt and grass beneath your sneakers.

You walked at a slow pace, taking it all in. Your time with Steve was coming to a close, and you found yourself wanting to take more and more time to remember each and every single moment as clearly as you could. In your mind, you documented the warm, comforting breeze of the ever present summer on your skin, the low, rich timbre of Steve’s voice. You noted each and every bird sound you heard, promising to come back someday and bird watch at this very same location. Most of all, you made sure to sink into the warmth of Steve’s body bristling against yours every once in a while when you got closer on a narrow part of the path. You were committed to being in the moment and being mindful.

“Slow down, slow down!” Steve called from behind, and you just glanced at him over your shoulder with a well intentioned laugh, then looked back at the sky ahead of you.

You raised your hands up in the air, stretching your palms up to the sky and hooted, cheering about nothing in particular. Every smile, every laugh, every moment you tilted your face up to the vast, azur blue sky and let the sun beam down on your face, was genuine and triumphant.

“It’s fucking beautiful out here, Steve!” you exclaimed, puffing your chest out like you were trying to enclose the crisp, balmy air in your heart.

You were practically hysterical. You belonged in spaces like these, outside where you could share your thoughts with the trees or the water, or not think at all. You always felt your best when you were at the beach or on a hiking trail with your friends, finally able to let go of life’s vice grip on you. You were so much happier these days, in a constant state of healing, and the results were truly showing out.

“I’m glad you like it,” Steve chuckled at your excitement, kicking at the dirt beneath his feet.

“Come on, babe,” you beckoned him over, wanting him to bask in this moment with you.

He trudged over, and when he was close enough to reach out to, you lugged him over as much as you could. Although he was like a stone, his eyes still widened with worry when you nearly toppled over carelessly, despite the fact that you were on the ledge of a cliff.

“Slow down, doll, you’re gonna kill us both,” Steve huffed out a dry laugh, still smiling all the while.

You smiled smugly, glancing over at him with big doll eyes,

“You’d save me, though, I know you can.”

Steve just pulled you under his armpit, keeping you close. In the odd chance that you did fall in this moment, you’d probably be smiling all the way down, forgetting the agony that would be sure to come, all because you were with him. Maybe it was just the fresh air making you a little delusional, but you’d let yourself be delusional just for a moment.

“Let’s make sure no saving will be necessary, hmm?” Steve hummed, and you grinned, nuzzling your face up into his neck.

“Fair enough,” you sighed with a restless smile. “Seriously, thank you for taking me out here. It’s beautiful.”

Beautiful was an understatement. It was funny, you spent so much time outside but you couldn’t ever describe how much nature touched you. You didn’t have the words to describe the way the lush trees at the bottom seemed to sway with the wind, or the way the animals swooped from treetops and went along their merry ways, all while cohabitating peacefully, or the way the landscape looked from all the way up here.

Steve just pulled you closer, and you stood there in complete silence and stillness for a while, just watching as the sky drifted above you. Steve was glad you were the happiest he’d seen you, it seemed as though even though your days together were coming to a close, you were growing happier by the minute. You didn’t think your goodbye would be teary-eyed, because after this wonderful experience, you knew you’d both be sure to see each other again. You weren’t at all in the same place in your lives, that was for sure. You were just getting out of college and making a real life for yourself, meanwhile Steve was out saving the world and doing things you could only dream of doing. You weren’t comparing the two, but it was simply the truth. Neither of you were in the same place, but being here together now made you feel more united than ever. If it took a while to come to a place where you could always be together, then so be it. Right now, you’d just enjoy this moment while it lasted, without haste to plan for the future, because you both had full faith that things would work out.

“It’s funny, this is my first time going hiking. Like, on purpose. I’ve trekked through Sokovia and I’ve had to find my way out of multiple jungles and mazes before they blew up, but I’ve never just enjoyed it like this. On purpose,” Steve said after a while, and you grinned up at him, pleased that you were giving him more and more options to expand his personal hobbies and live outside of his work.

“I get the feeling that even though you’ve seen everything… there’s a lot you haven’t seen,” you noted, and Steve nodded.

That was exactly what he was trying to say. He’d done more than most people could ever dream of doing, he’d escaped danger in the nick of time a thousand times over, he’d saved lives, and yet, all the while, he hadn’t really lived himself. He learned a lot from his job and from the team he felt so grateful to be around on a regular basis, but amidst all the chaos of his daily routine, he’d forgotten to live. Sure, he had movie nights with his team and sometimes went out to eat with them, but there was so much more than that. So much that he hadn’t seen yet. You were showing him that there was, and he was showing you that there was space to trust and love. You shared a mutual core, full of life lessons and valuable exchanges.

“Yeah. Exactly that.”

You squeezed his hip as you started to turn around, facing away from the edge of the cliff and back to the trail, which you were almost finished hiking.

“Come on. Let’s go get something to eat.”

| | |

Steve was leaning against the arch of the open bathroom door, his head cocked in intrigue and admiration as he watched you do your makeup. You were finishing up, putting clear lip gloss on over the brown lip liner you’d used, a classic, 90s combo. You were gazing into the mirror, hardly acknowledging his presence for the purpose of perfecting your look, meanwhile, Steve was enthralled by you, despite the silence. You were also wearing a wine-colored minidress that clung to every inch and curve of your body, accentuating your best assets, which didn’t help with Steve’s staring problem at the moment.

You had your elbows resting on either side of the sink and you were leaning in, smoothing your lips together and puckering them the very minute you finished, adjusting your position in front of the mirror to get a better look at yourself. Finally, you paid Steve some attention, and glanced over at him.

“You ready?” you asked nonchalantly.

“The question is, are you?” Steve asked, raising his eyebrows.

You rolled your eyes playfully in response.

“You should be used to this by now, you know,” you sang, and Steve grinned, wrapping an arm around your bare shoulders as you came close.

“I know, I know. I kind of live for it, it’s so fun watching you do your makeup.”

“Want me to try doing yours someday?” you quipped excitedly.

“I’m not against it,” Steve chuckled.

Tonight you were going to a fancy restaurant for dinner, like, fancy fancy. The kind of fancy that even Steve wasn’t accustomed to. Steve had money, but he wasn’t a very sophisticated guy, he preferred to be more casual. You on the other hand, would probably fit right in. Your regal energy and poised way of carrying yourself made it that much easier. But, you were still fresh out of college, and you weren’t a rich girl by any means. So of course you got excited when you got to get all dolled up to do something very nice.

You and Steve sat at a table near the back, the restaurant lighting dim and dark, a candle flickering between the two of you as the sun set outside. You toyed with the rim of your wine glass, taking careful sips so you didn’t mess your lip gloss up. To Steve’s lament, you would only let him kiss you on the cheek, because you didn’t want to ruin your finely crafted lip gloss.

As nice as it all was, both you and Steve couldn’t help but be reminded of the fact that you’d be leaving soon, and that your days together were coming to a close. You were both levelheaded enough not to get too sad about the fact, but it was admittedly bittersweet. But you decided you’d at least make light of it, and smiled smugly at Steve,

“What are you gonna do when I’m gone, lover boy?”

Steve glanced up at you, that charming smile teasing his lips as his blue eyes gazed into yours.

“Miss you.”

You tilted your head to the side as if you were challenging him,

“You gonna call me every night?”

“Whenever possible,” Steve replied warmly, and you continued,

“Gonna send me flowers still?”

“Of course,” Steve affirmed.

You giggled to yourself, thinking of your last question,

“Are you gonna watch my cam show?”

Steve laughed, shaking his head,

“Who would I be if I didn’t support my girl?”

You grinned fully, reaching over to squeeze Steve’s cheek,

“You’re so precious.”

“Uh,” Steve cleared his throat. “I actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Yeah?” you furrowed your brows, interested in what he had to say.

He seemed nervous, wringing his hands together slightly before placing them on his lap and under the table so you wouldn’t worry about him. He had been thinking about this for a while now, and he’d already talked to you about it, but even after the discussion you had, he’d still been grappling with whether or not he should go through with this. He didn’t want it to feel like he was moving too fast or putting undue pressure on you, because he knew how important it was for you to live in the moment. Because of you he found himself questioning a lot of what he thought was true or moral. You had a good head screwed on your shoulders and you were still much more relaxed than Steve, not as focused on tradition or expectations. But he still found himself wanting to settle things down officially with you.

Looking into your caring eyes, he knew he wasn’t making a mistake, that despite all the trials and tribulations of your relationship together in the past, he’d regret it if he never got to know you. He could’ve never imagined being in this position, but by the look in your eyes, which were glittering and shining with pure, contagious joy whenever you saw him, he knew this wasn’t something he wanted to miss out on. He was about to forget himself and sink into how beautiful you were, as if he didn’t have other things at hand, but he remembered himself at the perfect time.

“I-I’m not always so great with words, so bear with me,” Steve started.

“Steve,” you giggled cheerily. “Spit it out babe, it’s okay.”

Your reassurance seemed to resurrect him and he chuckled, shaking his head and rubbing his temples. Then he looked up again, taking your hand and gazing into your eyes, never ceasing eye contact.

“YN. I really like you, alright? And this is something so new and so odd for the both of us. I mean, I don’t know anyone who’s had what we have and I know a lot of weird people - not that this is weird, but-”

You chuckled, scoffing,

“Well it’s definitely not normal.”

You reached across the table, squeezing Steve’s hand. He grinned, chuckling back and nodded, continuing,

“Yeah. Definitely. And, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About labels and what we talked about, and I know you’re not looking to rush into anything too soon because of how you’ve been treated in the past but…” here, Steve almost got emotional, thinking of how special you were to him, unable to believe that you’d been treated so poorly in the past— all he wanted was to show you just how you made him feel. “But I just want to treat you right, and make you happy because well, you make me happy. And it’s… it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way. And I’m sure that for you and me both, these feelings are rare. And I can treat you the same regardless of whether or not we put a label on it, but, selfishly I want you, fully… all to myself. So, let’s make it official. Will you be my girlfriend, YN?”

Few moments felt as good as this one, and you’d remember this moment for years to come. Few questions rung so pleasant to your ears. And when you heard those words leave Steve’s lips, you knew you had never been more certain that you wanted to be with someone. All relationships started out in the honeymoon phase, but when it came to Steve, you didn’t feel like things would change drastically after this phase. And sure, you were just meeting, in real life, that is. In reality, you had known Steve for a few months, and you’d been getting closer for a long time now. So, you probably would’ve said yes to Steve even if he asked you on the second day you were together.

But your respect for Steve rose way up because he’d actually taken his time, had a conversation with you about it, and made up his mind. The fact that he had put all this thought into it was a testament to Steve’s character, which made you giggle because despite his stoic demeanor he was kind of a nervous wreck, and the strength of the connection you had. But you didn’t even have time to think about how wonderful this all was. All you knew was that you wanted to say yes.

“Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend,” you bit down on your lip, just barely restraining a cheeky smile before you leaned in and kissed him again. The kiss was sweet, interrupted by laughter and your smiles against each others’ lips. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.”

You kissed him again and again, you kissed him so much that you barely had any lip gloss on when you managed to stop yourself to catch breath. When you pulled away, Steve had this kind of awestruck look on his face, his lips wet with your lip gloss, wanting more of your lips like you hadn’t just given him your all.

You snickered at the sight of his glossy lips, almost arrogantly noting,

“It’s a good look on you. My lip gloss.”

Steve grinned sheepishly, looking down at the table, relieved. He didn’t really have any reason to be worried, that was just in his nature. His heart had never felt so warm, he’d never felt so satisfied. You’d always been his, but now he had you, truly and officially.

“Were you nervous to ask me this?” you asked, still holding his hand from across the table.

Steve breathed out a laugh,

“God, yeah. I was just hoping you wouldn’t feel pressured. I know how important your mental health journey has been for you, I didn’t want to make it feel like we have to put a label on anything before you’re ready—”

“Steve, if I weren’t ready to be your girlfriend, I probably would’ve stayed my ass at home in Cali,” you chortled, making him blush, because he sort of knew he was overthinking it. “But really though, I wouldn’t be upset even if you didn’t ask me. What we have sort of obliterates the whole boyfriend and girlfriend niche, yeah? It’s kinda like… next level, don’t you think? I mean, how many people can say they’re in our situation? Like, this exact situation. This is like, long distance relationships made epic.”

“Good point,” Steve nodded, agreeing— what you had was probably eons more powerful than the typical “boyfriend and girlfriend” situation.

“It’s just, kind of a plus, you know?” you cocked your head to the side, shrugging. A mischievous, contagious smile spread to your lips. “I get to call myself Captain America’s girlfriend. Bitches write fanfiction about that.”

What? How could anyone blame you for getting cocky about who your official boyfriend was? You didn’t care for competition, but you’d selfishly admit that it was an ego booster to know that you had a man like him all to yourself, and that he wanted you all for him.

“You think you’re the lucky one, look at me. I got you,” Steve’s eyes slowly scanned your face, meeting your eyes again with a wistful smile.

“My girlfriend, YN,” he said out loud. He just wanted to try it out, and it sounded so right to the both of you.

“I like that,” you cooed.

“Me too,” Steve kissed your nose. “Oh, I almost forgot.”

He dug out a slip of paper from his pocket and handed it to you, watching you unravel it.

“Just a little something I drew, meant to give it to you as part of this whole ‘making it official’ ordeal,” he put quotes in the air. “A little gift.”

“Steve,” you pouted. “You’re way too nice to me.”

“Well, you’re my girl. I can’t be mean, can I?” Steve’s lip quirked up in a quizzical smile.

“Mm-mm,” you shook your head. “Not unless I tell you to.”

Steve couldn’t even decipher what you meant by that fast enough because you had squealed, your mouth flinging to your hand.

“Steve, Steve, holy shit. Is this what I think it is?” you sat up, alert, facing him.

“Just a little sketch, it’s not the best but I can—”

“Steve, shut up! You’re literally fuckin’ amazing, are you kidding me? This is… amazing.”

What it was was a drawing. Not just of anything, but of a logo he’d created for you. Specifically, what would soon be the logo for your online clothing brand. It had only just kicked off the ground and you were hopeful for its future. So Steve drawing something like this, no matter how average he thought it was or how little time it took him was something so heartfelt to you. This was something you’d hold on to even more than the flowers, even more than the hotel rooms and private jets, even more than the fancy five star restaurant dinners.

Because if there was anything Steve was proving to you time and time again, it was that he was the right one for you. You wanted to be with someone who would encourage your dreams, give you that push, and acknowledge that you had your own life outside of your relationship. And even though it was something minor at the forefront, when you really got down to it it was something so personal.

“Ahh, I haven’t really drawn for real in quite some time, I just wanted you to have that. You can use it, for your clothing brand if you want,” Steve shrugged, all bashful like usual.

“If I want? I’m literally gonna flaunt this everywhere. Hello, my boyfriend made it? No one will know, but I will, and that’s what matters.” You leaned in, kissing his lips and folding the paper again so you could put it in your pocket. “Thank you, baby. For… literally everything. Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

“Steve, take the thanks. You deserve it. Thank you.”

Steve grinned lazily,

“You’re welcome.”

You just gazed at him, your eyes inadvertently glazing over with tears. You were really sitting in front of the man of your dreams, and this time around you had no doubts about it. The old you would’ve been so resistant to love again. Steve made loving again so easy for you. And you couldn’t forget how you’d pushed yourself to love yourself again, because that made things like this a whole lot easier. But, rather than turn this into another mushy moment, your feelings were so overwhelming that you were feeling things everywhere. Everywhere. And who were you to prohibit your primal needs?

You stood up suddenly, brushing your hands against your dress, which once again caught Steve’s attention as you stood up. His eyes were already raking over you by the time you approached him on his side of the table, outstretching a hand to him, saying nothing until he took it and stood up beside you.

“Come on,” was all you uttered, glancing back at him only once as you led him further to the back of the restaurant, casually navigating your way to the restroom, unconcerned with anything in the moment that didn’t have to do with him.

“Where are we—” you swung the restroom door open and dragged him inside, locking it with finesse, “going…”

Without responding, you furiously pressed your lips against Steve’s, pushing up against him and getting him hard in an instant. Your palms smushed into his cheeks and you moaned into his mouth, delirious with the need for him. Steve was shocked, but not at all against it, he had just never seen you act so impulsively before. And the same could be said for him— once you put your soft lips against his, all common sense seemed to dissipate from his mind. He was just as into it, his hands grazing all around your body like he was looking for something and you were the only way he could find it, squeezing every part of you he could squeeze through this dress. He rocked his hips into you, grunting into your lips as he felt his cock throb against the fabric separating the two of you.

He pulled away, panting, his forehead creased in concentration as he cursed under his breath.

“Fuck. Turn around baby,” he spun you around so you were facing the mirror and your body was up against the sink before you even had the chance to move yourself.

You gasped when you felt cool air against your ass before you even expected it, and you moaned instinctively. Steve left love marks on your ass, gentle and kind, before he made his way to your pussy, on his knees and standing behind you leaned your body against the bathroom sink. You were lucky this was a fancy bathroom that neither of you minded getting down and dirty in— the mirrors had golden frames and the counter was sparkling clean, made out of marble just like the floor which Steve was kneeling on. He inched his face closer to your center and licked a fat strip up your pussy, causing you to moan out carelessly.

He focused on tasting you, closing his eyes and truly enjoying the moment. All that could be heard aside from the movement outside of the restroom were your moans and the sound of his tongue fucking deep into your wet pussy, slick, filthy noises coming from your heat.

“You taste so good, baby,” he moaned against your pussy, his words sending a shock through your body, making you squeeze around his tongue.

You were panting now, your moans short and high pitched, glancing back at him every now and then, then back at your fucked out face in the mirror. You arched your back when he hit a certain spot, twirling his tongue around inside you and kneading your ass with his hands.

“Oh,” you cried out, reaching out behind you and grabbing tufts of his hair, pushing his head and face deeper into your pussy and keeping it there with a strong hold. Steve’s moans were muffled, he was overwhelmed by your sweet scent and the way you were forcing his face down. He only pulled away when he felt your pussy start to pulsate around his tongue, leaving you to whine in dissatisfaction while he stood directly behind you, pressing himself against your ass.

“Steve,” you complained, pouting at him.

“I know, I know. I just— I have to fuck you, is that okay, doll? Can I fuck you?” he practically cooed into your ear from behind, lips tickling against the nape of your neck, then sneaking around to press chaste kisses on your cheek.

You bit down on your lip and nodded vigorously, humming in approval,

“Mm hm.”

“Good girl,” he praised you, making you throb around nothing while he pulled his pants down, his dick springing out of his boxers, and steadied himself at your entrance, kissing all against your neck in the process and leaving love bites that made you yelp out. He grinned against you, whispering in your ear as he trailed his hand along the front of your dress, tugging down so your boobs nearly fell out of the dress.

“You look so pretty tonight, baby. Look at you,” Steve nodded at the mirror in front of you and you whined, trying to buck your hips back into him because you just wanted him inside of you. “Fucking hell. Wearing that dress… your makeup looks perfect.”

He cupped your face, admiring it from behind in the mirror for a second, then he continued,

“My girl.”

He finally slid into you, his cock already throbbing inside of you. You cried out and gasped at the feeling of being stretched out just the way you liked, by the only man you wanted.

“Fuck, Steve!” you moaned his name loudly, immediately starting to rock your ass back into his hips, feeling him all the way inside of you, spreading you out each time you took him completely.

You grabbed at his arm from behind you, his hands steadying on your waist and pushing your ass back down onto him so you could take him all the way each time. You panted, feeling like you were being seared open by his thick cock in the best way imaginable. When you looked at yourself in the mirror, you took notice of how fucked out you looked, the force of Steve’s thrusts making your body bump against the sink, your mouth was open in an o-shape, your vision blurred because of how often your eyes kept rolling back into your head. Steve was focused on his cock disappearing in and out of you, his eyes on your ass, bringing down a broad hand to your ass and grasping your flesh in his hands.

“Steve,” you gasped, looking back at him. You took some time to catch your breath, Steve glancing up at you momentarily. “R-remember when I said you can’t be mean unless I tell you to?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, his hand coming up to stroke the small of your back, just wanting to feel your smooth skin.

“Be mean to me, baby,” you pleaded, giving him those eyes that set him off every time.

That was all it took for Steve to start slamming into you shamelessly, wrecking your pussy each time he pounded into you. He grasped onto your arms suddenly, holding them behind your back with one hand while the other lay to rest just above your ass. You cried out at the painful, pleasing sensation of Steve absolutely pounding you, and he chuckled deviously,

“Shh, doll. Wouldn’t want anyone to hear you screaming for me. Or would you?”

Pursing your lips forcefully to keep from making any noise, you shook your head strongly, but you couldn’t help the whimper that escaped from the back of your throat when he hit your g-spot. Steve shook his head, looking up at himself in the mirror,

“Mm-mm, wouldn’t want that.”

Trying desperately to keep quiet, you strained your neck to try and look back at him and what he was doing. But he shook his head, leaning down to grab your face and force your head the other way.

“Don’t look at me,” he commanded, his voice dark and deep. “Look at yourself.”

You looked up, orgasmic tears forming in your eyes as you did so, catching sight of yourself in the mirror getting fucked to the heavens, arms stretched behind your back, breasts bouncing each time Steve fucked into you. The look on Steve’s face was beyond you— he was almost sneering at the sight of the two of you in the mirror, the smug look on his face intensifying each time you had to stifle a moan or stop yourself from screaming his name. You’d never seen him like this before, and you were so glad you’d pulled it out of him in the little amount of time you had left together.

“Fuck,” Steve groaned when you felt you squeeze around him, his voice becoming breathier and lower, almost accusatory of your pleasure, “you like this, don’t you?”

You whimpered in response, nodding your head violently, and Steve grunted, slamming his hips up into you and bringing a hand down to play with your clit as if praising your response. His own voice became more and more unhinged, his thrusts growing sloppier and less focused, his eyes zeroing in on your expression in the mirror,

“You love getting fucked like this, don’t you? Wh-where anyone could hear… f-fuck, doll, I can feel you squeezing my fu… fucking cock. Come for me, YN.”

That was all it took, an ear splitting moan falling from your lips as you practically convulsed, coming on Steve’s cock, not bothering to stop rocking your hips back. Soon after you came, Steve’s dirty talk became nothing more than unintelligible blabbering, and he came hard inside of you. Breathing deeply, he slid lazily in and out of you just a few more times, fucking all his cum back into you. He pulled out, and you fell against the sink with a sigh. You both cleaned up, and Steve smiled at you before you both left the restroom.

“Thank you,” you said stupidly, still delirious from how hard he’d fucked you.

Steve chuckled, shaking his head playfully and putting an arm around you to stabilize you,

“No problem. Come on, let’s pay and get you home.”

That night, you slept better than ever, your boyfriend Steve holding you in his arms.

| | |

Once you woke up the next day, Steve decided to take you to this nice brunch place, flipping on his hat and glasses since it was a little crowded, but not anything too worrisome. Besides, you had made it this far without Steve being recognized, and you realized that in New York, nobody was really paying attention to anyone.

Last night had been fantastic, in so many ways. You and Steve had made it far enough to actually become official, to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. And although you knew the distance between you would be hard to deal with at times, you knew Steve would find a way to make it work. He never had you second guessing or doubting important decisions, because you knew that out of anyone you’d ever been romantically involved with, he had his shit together the most. He was actually focused on treating you well, and he had all the resources and the common sense to do just that. So, the distance didn’t quite scare you, in fact, it was probably less of an issue for you two than other long distance couples. Hell, you’d made it far enough without actually meeting.

As per usual, Steve opened your car door, then held your hand all the way inside the restaurant. You’d eat and then go home and find some random hobby to do with each other, like board games or finally finishing the Harry Potter movies, or just staying in and cuddling the whole night. You got seated at a table in the back and talked about nothing in particular while you waited for the waiter to come around.

You had your hand on top of Steve’s, squeezing it absentmindedly while you scrolled through your phone, reading text messages from your friends back at home. You knew Steve wasn’t a huge fan of your phone, but it wasn’t a habit that you pulled it out while you were meant to be hanging out together. Besides, you had a whole digital life that you had to keep up with for your own sake, consisting of your cam career and your online shop. It’d be silly if you tried to disconnect completely.

“Hi, good to see you today, my name is Richard, I’ll be serving you today! Can I get you guys started with some drinks?” Richard asked, cupping his hands together with an expectant smile.

“Waters for the both of us,” Steve nodded, and you added on, glancing at the waiter quickly.

“Lemonade for me too, please,” you added on.

“Awesome, I’ll be right…” Richard the waiter trailed off and you both glanced up at him, but he had paused, staring at Steve, his face contorted in slight confusion. Steve offered him a small, almost pitying smile, and you couldn’t help but huff, humored. Richard cocked his head and tapped his pen against his notepad before shaking his head slightly, snapping out of it. “Sorry, it’s just… you look so familiar.”

You and Steve exchanged a glance, both of your eyes whipping to meet each other, before you broke away and looked back at Richard. You were both slightly unnerved by the comment. In a way, it was so nonchalant, a casual remark. But Steve wasn’t just any other guy who you’d say that to. Chances were, this guy was about to recognize just who Steve was. You almost wanted to cover for him, but you feared that doing that would make things too obvious. You’d let Steve handle this, although you could see the hint of nerves in the smile that appeared on his face as he shrugged quite convincingly,

“I couldn’t tell you why, honestly.”

Richard chuckled, huffing,

“It’s just, I swear I’ve seen you before, are you like— have you come here before?”

Steve just laughed, but you could sense his discomfort, and you squeezed his hand a little harder,

“Sometimes. You might’ve seen me.”

Richard nodded with a decided hum, then shrugged,

“Yeah, that’s probably it.”

Steve’s shoulders visibly slumped in relief, and you smiled quietly.

“Well, I’ll be right back with those drinks,” Richard, turning around.

Once he was completely out of sight, Steve sighed heavily, leaning in to you at the table.

“I think we should go,” was all he said, and you frowned slightly,

“We just got here…”

“I know, but that guy… listen, we haven’t paid for anything. Let’s just go. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I just don’t think—”

“Okay,” you cut him off, smiling calmly.

Things were going so well, you didn’t want Steve to feel like you wouldn’t listen to him when it was important. You also didn’t want him to worry too much. You could see that he was trying to refrain from sounding as nervous as he was because he didn’t want to upset you, so, out of respect, you decided you wouldn’t push him any further. This was the first time either of you had to worry that someone had noticed Steve, and although it could truly just be a fluke totally unrelated to his actual identity, neither of you wanted to take that risk. So, you just agreed with him.

Steve got up gingerly, and nodded at you to do the same.

“Come on,” Steve said, lacing his fingers between yours, a sense of relief rushing through you.

For a moment there, you feared that his anxiety might get the best of him and that he wouldn’t pay any attention to you, but he had proved you wrong. He gave your hand a squeeze as the two of you ducked out of the restaurant as nonchalantly as you could. When you were finally outside on the sidewalk, you both walked back to Steve’s car, not looking back.

The car ride home was silent other than the music Steve put on to distract himself from his thoughts. He truly was trying to remain stable rather than let his nerves get the best of him. He hadn’t quite let his guard down, but he also didn’t feel as if he’d be recognized. He was getting too comfortable— no, he was just doing what was right, taking you out and taking care of you. He wouldn’t let himself sink into blaming himself or anyone else.

You were both far past that, far from fear and holding yourselves back from what you truly wanted, which was to be together and feel like you could do that without inhibitions. You both understood the conditions under which you’d be meeting in person, and you understood that Steve needed to keep this under wraps for the sake of privacy and safety. You had grown enough not to let these conditions hinder you, you wouldn’t start now just because of a little hiccup.

“Steve,” came your voice, distracting him from the loop of thoughts replaying in his brain as you both walked into the apartment.

“Hm?” he turned to face you, and you grabbed his hand gently, a small, reassuring smile on your lips.

You led him to the living room couch and you both sat down, facing each other.

“Let’s talk about it, okay? You’ll feel better if you just talk to me about it instead of letting it bother you in silence,” you directed, and he took in a deep breath before sitting back and nodding understandingly.

You wanted to at least solve the problem before it spiraled into a bigger one, and if it meant you had to sit on the couch and talk about it, then so be it. You’d rather a hard discussion than any issues.

“It’s not that I’m paranoid, it’s just… I don’t want anything to be ruined because of me. You know, I’ve been enforcing all these rules and… I just care about our privacy and safety the most.”

“You do know that I’d never blame you for anything, right? You do know that?” you asked him, tilting your head as you waited for him to make eye contact with you and answer you honestly.

He did eventually, nodding and cracking a small grin,

“I know. I… I don’t want it to seem like one small thing would ruin my mood, I don’t want you to think I’m as scared as I used to be.”

“I don’t think you are though, Stevie,” you said softly as you stroked his cheek, your long acrylic nails gently running along his skin.

He seemed to calm down immediately from your touch, his facial expression softening, but you could tell he was still upset with himself. You grinned to yourself. You liked being able to make Steve feel better with just a trivial touch. You knew your presence actually meant something to him, and that sentiment meant everything to you. You knew he just wanted to keep you safe, especially considering the circumstances of your relationship, but you didn’t want him getting too worked up. You could handle yourself and Steve knew that, but having him next to you in situations like this was just a plus— after all, there was a reason why the guy only approached you once he’d seen Steve had left.

“It’s okay, Steve. Really. I get it, it’s unexpected and worrisome. Neither of us really were prepared for that. I think you handled it amazingly. Don’t think this diminishes all the progress we made, alright?” you let your hand slip down to his, and gave it a squeeze. “Because it doesn’t. Okay?”

“Okay,” Steve chuckled, and you could tell by the smile in his laugh that he was resigning.

He was truly enjoying spending time with you like a normal couple would. He wasn’t peeking over his shoulder, he was just being careful. But he knew the risks he was taking. And he knew he’d just have to roll with the punches, that he couldn’t let one moment change everything for the worse. You were practically reading Steve’s mind, because based on his reaction, you knew exactly how he felt, and you already had all the words you’d need to console him.

You held his hand tight, as if to remind him that he needn’t be so hard on himself or be afraid that you doubted him in any way. As if to remind him you weren’t going anywhere. He couldn’t deny that your touch made a considerable impact on his mood, as well as your presence. Just your presence seemed to radiate whatever he needed in the moment, and at that moment, it was calm.

“Don’t feel worried that you made the wrong decision by bringing us here today. I had the best time. This small inconvenience doesn’t fuck up the fact that I just had an amazing day with you, okay?”

Steve nodded slowly, though you could tell it took a lot for him to take the blame off himself. You weren’t sure that he was fully convinced, but at least he seemed a little less out of it.

“I’m glad you understand, YN. But I have to take responsibility. I’m not going to become all paranoid again, but I just think it’d be best to lay low for a minute and recover. I really do want to show you everything, I just-”

“Steve, calm down,” you tittered, shaking your head. “I don’t need to see everything. I came here to see you, not tour New York. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care. We could go out every day or we could stay in. I know you’d make the effort either way. Besides, we only have so much time left together, and I feel like you’ve shown me the entire world.”

It was true— Steve had proven to you that he cared time and time again, whether it was through flying you out or taking you out without you having to ask. It was the little things. The way he poured just the right amount of sugar in your coffee in the morning, helped you zip up your dresses in the morning, let you blast your music in the car. He seemed to think he needed to prove himself, and you wanted to show him that he had already done that, and more.

Steve chuckled, and you squeezed his thigh, kissing his cheek. He turned to face you, leaning in to kiss you on the lips this time. You shifted closer to him, leaning in until you were close enough to rest your palms on his cheek, climbing into his lap and deepening the kiss. Slow, passionate, and quiet, you sat there kissing each other. You kissed each other like you were trying to savor the taste of one another’s lips, like you were trying to remember it for the rest of your lives. You kissed like you were sharing secrets.

It was only a matter of time before you were taking off your shirt and kissing him harder, grinding against him and riding him slow on the couch in the bright daylight. You were gentle and slow, it was more like you were making love than just fucking. And by the time you were done, passed out and sweaty on the couch hours later, all your worries had been fucked away.

| | |

Tomorrow was your last day with Steve. You’d be flying back home to California the next day, and saying goodbye. But not just yet. You had all the time in the world to say goodbye, but today you were both devoted to spending a beautiful, eventful day together. Steve had stuff planned for you, and you had stuff planned for Steve. You had mutually agreed to skip all the crying and pouting, and just be happy for the experience instead. So when you woke up that morning next to Steve, who was still asleep, you were giddy to start the day.

Absentmindedly, you picked up your phone on the end table beside you. It was positively buzzing with notifications, and you were a bit thrown off by the sheer amount of them. You furrowed your eyebrows as you skimmed through the notifications from the bottom to the top— you had a bunch of missed calls from your parents, more Snapchat notifications on your regular snap than ever, and a plethora of texts.

You wondered if something had happened, chewing slightly on your bottom lip. Was everything okay at home? Did you post something meant for your cam site on your Instagram? A hundred various circumstances fled through your mind, but none of the situations you had made up could’ve prepared you for when you opened a text from Aaliyah with a picture attached. It read:

- Attachment: 1 image

- BITCH, THIS IS LITERALLY YOU!!!

#girls on film #steve rogers #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #smut #marvel #marvel smut #marvel fic #marvel imagine #x reader #reader insert #captain america #captain america x reader #captain america smut #captain america fic #captain america imagine

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whumpitisthen · 4 years ago

Text

Récamier

Masterlist

First drabble! This was made as a way to torture my friend who has a slightly unhealthy obsession with vampires. That’s why it’s in first person, I usually write in the third! Anyways, hope you like it. :)

"So..." - He began. He sounded soft and patient. - "You told me last week you've been having nightmares, ones you’ve never had before."

"Oh, did i tell you about that as well?" You reply, having genuinely forgotten that you told him about those.

"Yes, you have. Has your memory been getting worse as well?" He sounds almost concerned, a look of empathy in his eyes.

"Oh, no, no, I think it's pretty much the same as it always has been...?" It came out as a shaky reply, not confident in your own answer either.

"You don't sound too sure of that, Darling.” He says, a mocking smile playing on his lips as he notices the reaction the pet name has brought out of you. It wasn't anything big, just a small widening of the eyes and setting of your jaw, but he noticed nevertheless. He seems to really pay attention to you, in a way no-one else has, in a way no-one should.

"Uhmm... I think that's not something to worry about. I just forgot, that's all.” You add with a reassuring smile, ignoring the one that he wore still, though now it's starting to morph into a different one. Looks a little smaller, tight-lipped, overly kind.

He seems to disregard your answer entirely, instead, he pulls himself up a little straighter. He takes a deep breath, momentarily closing his eyes, which allows you just a moment to take a good look at him.

You never told him but you do feel kind of intimidated by him. You know you shouldn't be. After all, he's your therapist. You should feel comfortable and relaxed, like you're just having a nice chat with a trusted friend.

But something about him seems... he just seems-, off, sometimes. You yourself are not even sure what the reason for that is. Maybe it's the relaxed way he keeps pulling his finger up and down on the arm of the chair. Maybe its the slight asymmetrical pull of the corners of his mouth, how on the left side it always pulls a little higher when he smiles. Maybe its the way he looks, distinctly paler than you, almost slickly, so much so, that you had to often stop yourself from asking him "Are you okay?". Maybe... Its the way his eyes seem to change colour, with the different lighting. You have noticed all these things about him in the month you've been coming here. Twice a week. He insisted on two times, even though you said you didn't think you needed it. In the end you decided to give in, he was the therapist after all. He knew what you needed.

"You're zoning out again, Darling. Do you perhaps need a break?"

There it is again. That pet name.

He hasn't called you that before. Or has he?

Maybe your memory really has been getting worse.

"Oh, u-uhm, sorry! No, it's fine we can keep going if you'd like." He seems to believe you, as he changes his position, crossing his legs and leaning his chin on one hand, as if getting ready for a story.

"So, you said something about bad nightmares you've been getting at the end of our last session. I'd like to ask you: Have they gotten any worse?"

You still don't remember actually telling him about them and honestly it’s starting to really bother you. You always have your guard up as it is, trust issues and all that, part of why you’re here, talking with your therapist. But for the life of you, you just cannot remember when you told him about those. Because you surely have. You have. He wouldn’t know otherwise! This is stupid.

"Ah, um. I guess... I-I don't know. I feel like they leave me more... tired? Than before. And I seem to get more exhausted as the days go on. I'm afraid I'll start falling asleep at my job if this keeps up."

He hums. Writes something on his clipboard. "Do you still see that shadow person that keeps following you?"

You don't remember telling him that either. No, shut up, you did because he knows, and the only way he would is if you told him.

He seems to notice your hesitation.

"I'm sorry, would you like to not talk about this for now? We can discuss something else."

His voice feels like it's background noise. Like waking up to birds chirping. They're loud and did wake you up, but you don't mind being woken up by birds singing under your window. It's a welcome way of attention.

It calms you. It relaxes you.

It makes you feel... tired.

"We can discuss the way you've been fidgeting a little more today than other times, I have noticed. Or how you keep stuttering so much. I can see something is bothering you. Can you tell me what it is, Love?"

A different pet name, but a pet name nonetheless.

You don't remember him calling you that before.

You don't remember.

You.

Dont-

"How do you know?"

You blurt out without thought.

You immediately regret it, but ultimately decide to keep the question in the air.

Because you cannot explain away the feeling of anxiety at every mention of those dreams, or pet names, or, or- ...you. It feels wrong, in this moment, to talk about you. It sounds dumb, these are your therapy sessions after all. It feels wrong though. Different. Like this isn’t how it was supposed to go. How else could it have gone?

"Excuse me?" He looks genuinely surprised. You think he might've missed the question, with how fast you blurted it out.

Before you could ask again, or rather apologize for the weird as fuck question, he continues. "How do I know... About what? About...” - He seems lost in thought, thinking about what it might be that you're referring to. His eyes land on his clipboard and stay there for a while, drifting over it. - “...about ...your dreams, perhaps?" He finishes slowly, as if unsure.

"Yes, uh... I... I don't remember t-telling about them... to... you?" You hate yourself for sounding like a scared child. You especially hate that your voice cracks in the middle of it, and you see his eyes widen, just a little, at that.

God, could you be more embarrassing?

"I told you, Dear.” - Another. -”You told me about them last week, didn't you?"

"I-I-I..., um..."

You're unsure of what to say

"I-, ...don't remember." You take a shaky breath, trying to stay calm. You notice the slight tremble of your hands.

"...You seem troubled. Are you quite sure you're alright, Darling?” - He gives a reassuring smile, encouraging you to be confident and tell him if you're not. - “Perhaps, you feel... Hm." He stands up leaving the clipboard on his table. He walks over, as slowly and non-threataningly as he can, putting the back of his hand on your forehead.

"Hm... You don't seem sick. Sweetheart,”- Again. - “maybe we should talk about those dreams. They seem to leave you confused and disoriented."

"Stop."

"Hm?"

"Get off me."

You lean back, away from his hand, and sit up to catch your breath.

He seems perplexed. His hand falls back in place as he gets lost in thought again, looking at you. Expectant. Quiet.

"Am... Am I making you uncomfortable, Dear-"

"Stop!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop calling me 'darling' and 'sweetheart' and 'love' and 'dear' and-, and... Stop looking at m-me."

He seems to freeze for a second. You're not sure what caused him to do that, but he seems... apathetic. Emotionless. Like he's not there, for just a moment.

He blinks once, swallows, and some resemblance of humanity comes back to him.

"I-... I am making you uncomfortable, is that it." It was more of a statement than a question. "Hm. So you say you don't remember." His eyes wander again. In the end, they come back, and change colour, and you feel like he's 100 metres tall while you're barely an inch.

The lighting didn't change, but his eyes noticeably did. You feel, with every second, more and more anxious, as the eyes keep looking at you, into you, and keep you in place.

Literally.

You cannot move.

You're trying.

The most you can do is flick your eyes betweeen his.

He comes closer now. His hand finds your forehead again, but this time to put a lost lock behind your ear.

He doesn't say anything, simply looks at you. All of you. While you're forced to keep eye contact, his are roaming over the whole of you, taking in every inch, every crevice, every nook and cranny.

As his eyes move the humanity seems to disappear once more and the hand returns to rest on your cheek, then slide down your neck.

As the pressure builds his other hand comes into view, positioning itself on your arm, effectively turning and pushing you down, back how you were before you realised his secret. Because you did, didn't you? You couldn't have just kept playing this little game of pretend between you two. You had to be smart and figure it out.

As you are shoved down back on the récamier, your thoughts are running a million miles an hour. You are panicking and scared and angry but mostly you just wanna run home, curl up under your covers and cry.

The feeling of having forgotten so much makes you wanna break down right there, but even that is denied of you as your "therapist" looms over you, shadowing your face. In the dark, his eyes, that scarlet hue, is so much more noticeable and unsettling.

How do his eyes go from such a pretty black to that mesmerising crimson? That cannot be human.

He leans down, close, close, right over you, so close you cannot see anything anymore but his eyes, boring endlessly into yours.

"Do you know when our last appointment was?"

You think and you feel like you know but you can't actually name the day, date or even time. Not that you could anwser him, not like this.

"Do you feel as if your mind has been working more different than before?"

"Do you feel unsafe, Angel?"

He leans closer, lips grazing your ear as he whispers, even quiter, like a deadly secret.

"Why did you have to ruin our fun, Angel? Wasn't it nice? Pretending? Playing? Why did you have to ruin that, huh, Sweetheart?"

As his voice starts to shake, a little in anger, a little unhinged, a little dangerous, you start trembling through his paralysing gaze.

You still don't remember anything. Not when the last appointment was, not when you told him about the dreams, not when you got here, not where you live, not who he is, not when your own birthday is, not your own name, only Angel, Angel, Angel...

"Does the shadow person ever... touch you? Has he ever talked to you? What did he say? Can you recall? What was it, hm? Tell me Love."

You don't want to. You don't want to you don't want to-

"A-A-Angel..."

"Yes, Love, keep going."

He was suffocating you

His sheer presence.

"A-a... Ang-gel, can y-y-you... can, you-..."

"That's it, keep going, you're doing great, Dear."

"Ange-el, can, can you-u-... can you c-...can y-you come see me-e...?"

"Mhm. There we go. There's a dear."

You feel violated. You feel him climbing on top of you, his weight effortlessly pinning you down even more, as he leans closer. You feel utterly completely absolutely terrifyingly helpless.

"See? In the end, you did remember!" He seems to sound different. He sounds like he's holding something back. Like there's a dam that's about to break and let the water envelop an entire city underwater. Like he's about to swallow you whole.

"Too late now, though. Shame. I was having fun with you. Too bad it had to end so soon. Now, maybe if you look desperate enough, we could do it again sometime? Wouldn't that be fun?"

"Now keep still for me, Angel, this might hurt just a bit. I feel it's only fair i make you pay for wasting my time like that."

#creepy whumper #intimate whumper #whump #vampire whumper #y/n #reader insert #fear #amnesia #hallucination #nightmare #paralyzed #therapy session #first drabble can i get a pogchamp #my writing #sadistic whumper #creepy whump #intimate whump

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fairycosmos · 4 years ago

Note

i feel so bad about people making fun or rupi kaur :/ i do not like her poetry but i get paranoid when i see ppl making fun of others online esp to such a extent (they are viciously tearing her apart) bc an artist i knew years ago (painted & wrote stuff, was mildly famous) got made fun of like this and they killed themselves :( and now im paranoid about it. did u see that tik tok that is going viral?? imagine thousands making fun of u like this. ive gone thru this and ive harmed myself :(

i get what you mean, yeah i did catch that tiktok omg. i’ve always gone back and forth on this in my head cuz it’s kind of a nuanced convo to me. on the one hand, if you want to be a professional writer and put your work out there and profit off of it - and if you’re lucky enough to even get that chance - then you have to take the criticism that comes with it. even better if you can apply it to your craft to improve. and any artist knows what they’re letting themselves in for when they make their stuff public. if she was in a place mentally where couldn’t handle it, it wouldn’t be smart to pursue it in the first place. plus some of the commentary i’ve seen surrounding her work is very valid. like the accusations of plagiarism, the technique behind some of her poems being shallow and contrived yet initially lauded as ground-breaking and deep etc. it’s fair game to poke fun at that, or to state your feelings on it, imo. that being said, she is definitely singled out more than most and i think that’s a side effect of her work being overly popular on instagram back in the day (que people who have to hate on all things popular, especially things enjoyed by or pertaining to young women.) i don’t think disliking her poems warrants sending vitriolic hatred her way either. so weird. i understand your concern bc like, ppl always take it so far on the internet esp tiktok/twitter, and you never know what could tip someone over the edge. there needs to be a clear distinction made between commentary/opposing opinions and personal attacks. i’m not sure how badly they’re tearing her apart because i’ve only seen the one tiktok, but if there’s genuine hatred being directed toward her as a person then idk i agree. people need to get a hold of themselves and learn how to approach discussions like an adult. you can criticize someones work, even call them out if they need to be called out, without being super cruel - at least in this context where as far as i know, she’s not causing serious harm to anyone. it astounds me how quickly that’s forgotten in online spaces, even at times by myself. i hope she has a decent support system around her and isn’t exposed to the comments that just cross the line. and i hope you’re doing better these days love. you’re clearly a caring and thoughtful person and i’m really sorry you’ve had ppl be so mean to you. it honestly says a lot about them and nothing about you. especially if there’s a hate train or if it’s a trend to hate something in particular. that’s where ppl get a sense of self esteem unfortunately. sending love x

#anon #tw suicide

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lgcmax · 4 years ago

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my loves !! you’ll want to read this one. <3

my kings, queens, and in-betweens - how are you ??? gosh, it’s been a while since i said that one right ? i know i’ve been gone - we’re gonna get to that in a minute - but let me be frank. the dreaded day has come ... for me to drop max and nari. my official drop will be sent in after this, but there’s a loot i gotta say first.

first of all let me say i know this is SO sudden and though not necessarily surprising it may have come off as a bad shock to some of you, and if it did i’m sorry :( i told near to no one bc i had faith i’d stay but i really am too weak hearted to tell u all person to person .... i am so sorry for any plots i’m ruining here genuinely but i gotta look out for #1 :((

i am writing - or at least starting to - write this days before this actually posts (queued while i’m at work so i don’t gotta see the sap ahaha), but i’m running low on sleep and do nooooot want to be sad so i will make my explanation quick. i love lgc, but with so much going on in my life, it’s like i’m falling too behind to recover. you know how they say if you pull an all nighter, even if you take tons of naps in the days following or sleep the whole day away, you’ll never get that rest back ? well, that’s me. i feel like i’ve spent too much time away to make the comeback i want, and if i want to come back, i need to take a true break.

so this isn’t necessarily ... goodbye ? i have faith max and nari will return, because legacy feels like home and they’re some of my favorite muses i’ve made yet.

but i mean it when i say ... this rp was a game changer for me. i was in such a creative rut before i came here, and as a lot of you already know, max was the most spur-of-the-moment, randomly generated muse who popped in my mind, at a time where i wanted nothing more than to have a casual creative outlet. but he became so much more. you guys will neeeever understand how overwhelmingly happy and surprised i was when you guys filled me and max’s hearts with so much love for my incredibly stupid boy. max was just the outline, but you all truly filled him with so many beautiful connections that i was shocked. and nari tottered in like the smaller but never forgotten little sister, and you embraced her too ! although i admittedly haven’t given her all the love she deserves, you all always have, and taking a chance on my goofball, even if you didn’t fully get her, will always mean the world to me. never have i been in a role-play with soooo many truly meaningful connections, to the point i feel like the relationships he created truly made him. and you have all shared your love for me, appreciating even my smallest efforts, and even at my lowest points of activity you have loved me the same. and ohh yes -- i am very sorry for how bad i have been in this month. i truly felt so bad about it my heart hurt iwjeoijfofei. i’ll do better if i return.

i really didn’t wanna make this sappy but uhh here we are - there’s no turning back now. believe me when i say this role-play has defined this era. i spent a year - the toughest one i’ve had at that - in this same space, and yet i was always discovering new things about you all and learning new things about myself. this is my creative playground and no matter if max or nari come back, or return a little different than they left, nothing about that will ever change.

in case this is really goodbye, i can assume max left the dorms in the middle of the night to go run off and pursue some 2am dreams with promises to write yeseo and hunji everyday lol. if he had to give a goodbye it’d be “l8r 🤙” LMAO. i can assure you nari was offered a contract to live in an animal sanctuary and become a humanitarian if she decided to leave her acting career and took the offer no questions asked HAHA. she would’ve def wrote this long ass letter plus 10 more pages. but that’s only if their stories are truly over. which idk about you guys but ... i think they have a lot more to give legacy.

but for now, as a mun, see you around. i won’t even begin to name names as to who has impacted me because if i tried i’d def leave someone out accidentally, and honestly, all of you have anyways. and i’m so sorry to any of you new babies who i never got to chat with. i try to lead an intentional life, so i hope that in a small way, i have made at least one of your days brighter in the time me, max, and nari have been here. but for now, it’s jada, signing off, and i love you all sooo much. mwah.

THIS IS SO LONG IT’S EMBARRASSING I’M SO SORRY.

#( as told by jada :: ooc. )#( this is our page :: bookmark. )#no tags no tags don't overtag it w ooc notes jada don't do it #ilyilyilyilyily

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thehuns-bubble-tea · 5 years ago

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So guess who finally wrote the SaiZon essay I promised months ago! @there-is-a-carrot-in-my-ear’s post was the last bit of encouragement I needed so thanks for that lol.

I am going to go episode by episode to talk about all the SaiZon scenes. I am using the official LineTV episodes and some of the translations are a bit weird so I will have to occasionally make assumptions with the dialogue, sorry in advance for that. If I happen to assume wrong or make stretch conclusions forgive me for I only have one brain cell and it’s currently bouncing around my head like a window’s screensaver. I am also going to mention some of the behind the scenes episodes so if you haven’t seen those you might be slightly confused, but I don’t have international links for them so I apologize! Also this ended up being 18 pages long- I AM SORRY.

So let’s start with part one of episode one shall we? The beginning starts off weird as hell, honestly I had forgotten how crack this show was after the last few episodes were so- normal? Anyway we are dropped off in Zon’s dream(???) where he sees Tutor and Fighter being cute, and then an absolute precious Saifah- except it is really weird to start off here. This dream doesn’t seem to belong at the beginning because nothing that sets up this dream has happened yet, which I only realized as I rewatched it. Zon doesn’t know about Tutor and Fighter’s relationship until episode 11 and he doesn’t actually know Saifah yet, so to have Zon have this dream as the literal introduction to the show is a bit of either foreshadowing or referencing the idea that this whole show is a dream/Zol’s novel which I think is quite interesting. I don’t have much else to say about this besides I am incredibly impressed with how well this scene garners interest- it’s like I’m watching for the first time again and I /need/ to understand what is going on. Also the animated Zon freaking out about Saifah getting too close? Mood.

There was no SaiZon part in part two so moving on to part three of episode one! This part starts off with Saifah playing the guitar surrounded by a bunch of girls and Zon walking up from behind, seeing him. As much as I would like to say “love at first sight” this is definitely not that- in fact Zon straight up tells the girls they don’t like each other. Which is fair honestly, these two at the beginning don’t seem to have anything in common. Saifah is an engineering student while Zon is a english(literature???) student so they wouldn’t be able to get close through classes and they don’t seem to share many face value interests (Sai with guitar and soccer, Zon with writing and generally “nerdy” stuff) so it would be easy for them both to write each other off. Definitely not a “I hate him” but more of a “I don’t know him and I don’t want to” kinda situation where unless outside forces brought them together they wouldn’t have even considered entering each other’s lives. So shout out to Tutor and Soda for being mvps! This part also gives us the iconic moment of Zon literally standing on a table to fight Saifah and like??? Hello??? The tension already here is so much- but here’s the thing! Why R U has set up their relationship to be that of “enemies” up to this point, so when you first watch it you’re like “hm Sai is trying to get a rise out of Zon because he thinks it is funny because they hate each other” but what Sai says isn’t necessarily mean. Yes Sai does tease Zon about being bad at everything, but after that he just flutters his eyelashes, calls himself cute, and does that cute little smile up at Zon. There is no real hurt behind his words, if that makes sense? It is very much a teasing jeer at Zon to get a reaction, and the second Zon stands on the table Sai smiles and seems to take pride at the action. He isn’t doing it out of hatred or evil, but more like the joy of seeing Zon riled up. Sai blames his actions on disliking Zon because of reasons they’re currently only alluding to but like- bro get over it? There’s no reason for Sai to act like that if that was his only motive so I call his bluff, he has to already be somewhat interested in Zon. Even if it’s not a crush yet he definitely enjoys Zon’s reactions enough to keep pressing buttons.

Finally the end of episode one with part four. Finally! The, also iconic, punch to kiss scene! Sai is smooching the girl Zon is pursuing, it’s upsetting for Zon and Sai is kinda rude about it- then WHAM. Zon, the absolute unit that he is, just fucking decks Saifah. When I tell you I screamed- This is especially important because the thing that finally makes Zon snap is Saifah’s “no one can like you” comment which is so hurtful and man he’s gonna eat his words you can just /feel/ it already. And the punch is completely valid because what Sai did was shitty and honestly Zon had every right to be mad so great moment 10/10. Then we have Sai try to retaliate and first off he misses like a huge dork and then he kinda trips into Zon which leads to them accidentally kissing. Logistically I don’t know how this happened, but who am I to complain? This is of course also Sai’s first experience with a Zontm reaction and that I think is what causes the shift in Saifah’s head. After that huge exposition piece we have Zon dreaming about Saifah in his bed talking about them being together. All I’m gonna say is- is it gay to dream about your not bro wanting to kiss you? The answer is probably yes.

No SaiZon for parts one or two of episode two, but part three gives us a bit to cover! First off- the elevator line scene where Saifah literally stares at Zon with the absolute best puppy eyes and lovesick smile is peak cuteness, like?? Hello??? This is the perfect example of what I mean when I say SaiZon were never enemies- like I can’t imagine hating someone and then letting them shoulder bump me with a “hi”. That’s not how enemies act, this is more of a “well we haven’t always gotten along but I’m willing to move on, here let’s try again” type of situation and it’s fucking adorable. Sai seems confident in his own teasing way and Zon is confused as heck, which is so valid. Mind you this is also several months after their accidental kiss so any hot blooded emotions surrounding them has definitely dissipated which means there is now room for them to grow and initiate a friendship, which is what I assume Sai is trying to do. This is also the first time we get “my Zon” and I swear everytime I hear it I astral project into another dimension, so there’s that. Also Sai fulling embracing the fact that these girls ship them is peak bi confidence (I read Saifah as a bi character don’t @ me lmao), that I can only wish to have. Like Sai seems to already genuinely like being around Zon, lightly teasing. I say this because nothing he said was a dig at Zon harshly but more like something I would say about my friends to get them to give me a funny reaction and he gets exactly that. Zon gives him a reaction and then as soon as he’s gone Sai has this very pleased smile on his face. It really feels like Saifah has already decided that he wants to have some sort of relationship with Zon, at this point I wouldn’t call it a crush yet but more like a casual friendship. Then we have Zon daydreaming about Sai asking him to be partners for the music competition thing and again I’m going to ask- is it gay to daydream about your not bro pouting and wanting to be partners? The answer is probably yes.

Part four of episode two gave us no SaiZon so we move on to part one of episode three! We get a tiny bit of animated Sai talking about flirting with Zon, Zon freaking out you know- the usual. But then we get the stair scene that haunts me. Sai has committed to calling Zon “my Zon” already and I am here for it. His fucking smile after he says it too- boy is enjoying himself. The two fight over whether or not Zon will play with Sai or not and progressively lean into each other’s spaces as they bicker back and forth. Which is valid- Zon doesn’t even know how to play and then to be asked to play with someone he doesn’t really know or get along with, I’d say no too. Anyway Tutor breaks them up drags Sai to class, but not before Sai can say goodbye to “N’Zon” which just really threw me and Zon to be honest. I love that Sai is fully committed to these nicknames and I love how flustered Zon gets because of them- they’re already starting to fall into an ease with each other. Quick note here Saifah tells Tutor that he likes teasing Zon because it makes him happy, which is kinda cute? We see Sai play around with Tor and Day a bit but the way he is with them is vastly different then when he’s with Zon. Again I wouldn’t quite call it a crush yet- but we’re getting there. For now it seems more like an enamoured fascination with this dork of a human. (also real quick side note but I love Soda and would gladly let her step on me--)

Part two of episode three gives us yet another iconic scene- I have dubbed it the gay painc shower scene for obvious reasons. First of all, props to Zon for even grabbing Sai’s towel for him. Like they might not be close, and Sai might tease Zon relentlessly, but Zon is a genuinely good person and I really like that about his character. He doesn’t even hesitate to ask “which one” so he can do that for Sai. But of course Sai has to be a little brat and try to pull Zon into the shower stall with him, causing Zon’s first almost heart attack. Then he crowds Zon up against the wall with the most sensual look and teases him by attempting to remove his towel, giving Zon almost heart attack number two- Sai is seriously a brat and I love it. The funniest part is that this, from my experience at least, is common locker room teasing which Zon clearly wouldn’t know since he’s not in the soccer club- so having Sai do this to him is clearly a point where Zon’s single working braincell goes into gay panic and just short circuits his system and once again that’s valid. Zon tells Sai no matter what he won’t play with him, man these two eat their own words a lot huh, and Sai tells him it’s really up to him. Also side note here I know Junior did this in hopes of getting Sai to convince Zon to do the talent show thingy but I fully head cannon that Junior realizes there’s /something/ going on between them and forced them into this position, do with that what you will. There is also behind the scene footage of this scene (I can’t find an international link to this specific one rip) but it shows Jimmy and Tommy fake biting each other’s fingers and it’s so cute and weird- anyway all this to say I think this is where we start to see a shift in Saifah’s attitude. He’s the one who mentions being partners, mentions kissing, and Zon being a shy Korean drama lead- he’s a huge romantic so this is where he steps up a bit more. Instead of being just a tease in the way Zon acts it is now a tease about them together, being together, testing waters almost. It’s a huge shift if you really think about it, the only thing that stays constant is Zon’s flustered reactions.

Part three of episode three once again delivers with panic gay Zon being a fucking dork. This is where we get that ridiculous moment in the bathroom when Zon thinks two dude are doing the do in a stall and presses Saifah into a wall, you know casually. This scene is so weird and just ??? why??? Saifah takes in all in stride though, this kid is seriously getting whipped quick and I relate. Zon just has such chaotic energy that it’s hard not to play along, no matter how mortifyingly embarrassing he is. Also can we talk about how every time Zon leaves an interaction with Saifah, Sai gets the biggest smile? Like that is so precious I can’t handle it, boy is WHIPPED and doesn’t even know it yet!

Part four gives us a little bit of SaiZon. Zon is distracted by his text conversation (this is not translated so I have no clue what’s being said or who he’s talking to rip) when Saifah comes up behind him. This looks so domestic- like you don’t just do that to someone you barely know, right? Also the fact that Sai can lean over Zon so far when Zon is just sitting is stressful to me. Who gave him the right to be /that/ tall? Anyway Zon goes to stand and Saifah scares him, causing him to trip backwards and have the first of many time where Sai holds Zon up and it’s romantic as heck- They both instantly know where to hold each other, and then gaze at each other’s faces I just ??? I’m short circuiting honestly. This is also the first indication to me that Sai is developing some form of feelings because he keeps looking at Zon’s eyes and lips, and that’s valid. Of course Zon ruins the mood by pushing him away but they both look hurt this time. Sai looks hurt even asking if Zon’s serious about not playing together and it’s the first time we see Sai be any bit vulnerable. He seems to genuinely hurt by the idea and it makes Zon shuffle a bit before leaving. Even when he’s gone Sai looks upset and even comments on how Zon falls easily- which is really cute. This is our first glimpse at the Saifah that seems a bit more like the hopeless romantic we get towards the end of the series, a stark contrast to the overly confident perfect boy persona he uses around the campus.

No SaiZon in part four of episode three or part one of four so on to part two- We get the music partner reveal! And to Zon’s credit he doesn’t immediately turn around and leave. Instead he is actually committed to this and Sai, to his credit, doesn’t make him feel weird. They take the fan page photos and they’re both clearly out of their element here, they’re shy and awkward and it’s precious. They’re both coming to this realization that they’re really doing this- being partners and committing to each other basically. They both seem determined but also terrified of what that means. I love it- because this isn’t about them just yet but more of their shared responsibility to Soda now that they both can’t back down. It’s a good foundation because right now they’re on equal footing, neither really has the upper hand. Soda, my queen, to her credit is trying to get them to see that their arguing isn’t going to help anyone here and it’s a fair point. They’re going to be stuck together for two months (why was I under the impression this whole time it was much longer?) and they both agree to at least attempt. I love how genuinely awkward these scenes are because like I’ve said before they were never enemies but also never friends, they don’t know much about each other yet so it’s weird. What do they talk about, what are their boundaries, they don’t know and I love it. It is the perfect foundation for a fresh start for both of them to learn about each other and build a strong bond. We get a bit of Sai trying to teach Zon guitar strings and it’s a nice moment. They’re both getting comfortable with the other and then Sai plays the love song for Zon- you think Zon’s going to be set off by the moment but instead he teases Sai! He confidently both compliments Saifah and teases, it’s growth! Then Saifah settles to help Zon learn to strum, a moment where they’re very intimately pressed together and have an almost kiss. This is the first time they do the lip bite thing that I noticed they do when they think about kissing the other- and this is the first time that I think they realize their feelings aren’t just basic acquaintances. For Zon he feels something but he is also hung up on the idea that this is all Zol’s book. He is scared because he doesn’t know if these moments, these feelings are real or not. For Saifah I think he is really starting to understand how he feels for Zon, but thinks that Zon doesn’t and will not feel the same. But Sai isn’t the type to push so he just lets it go for now. Then we get the cute montage of them getting closer and teasing in more of a friendly way- again this is just solidifying in our minds and theirs that there is something growing between them. Right now it’s just a natural friendship, but is also hinting at more deep feelings. This is the part that I love the most about SaiZon- this was never a love at first sight relationship, it is one born out of something incredibly natural. They grow into each other and themselves. We start to see Saifah get more comfortable with his dorky side, and Zon gets more confident in himself because of their time together. It’s a breath of fresh air how easily they settle into the other’s presence. And of course we also get the gay pining bed scene and I, for the third time shall ask is it gay to daydream about your new bro laying in bed with you? The answer is probably yes.

Part three of episode four gives us the iconic guitar pick date (yes I understand I keep saying iconic but with SaiZon what isn’t?). This entire scene is just the cutest thing? They fall into each other so easily and they seem to have tons of fun goofing off. It reminds me of my friends and I going to shopping centers just to window shop and be together. It’s so incredibly natural and shows that they’re becoming so much closer then what they started out as. Nothing is over the top or unrealistic, instead it’s effortless and an absolute joy to witness. There’s even a deleted scene where two girls come up to ask for a photo (which is weird but whatever) and Zon gets so lost in his head about how close Saifah is- it really is a defining moment in my mind that Zon is torn. Torn between believing that his feelings are real and that this is all just being a dream from Zol’s novel. I kinda wish this scene hadn’t been deleted because it takes away from Zon’s internal struggle. When they have their little heart to heart and Zon admits that Sai is actually a good person my soul leaves my body. It is so cute and demonstrates that these two have started to grow past their initial judgements of each other and more into learning the intricacies of the other. Anyway it’s cute and I love them, moving on.

Now on to part four of episode four. This gives us the scene that fully convinces me that Saifah is just a big softly. Sai walks into the practice room to see a mess and Zon is asleep on the floor. Instead of being a brat and waking him up, Sai quietly goes around and cleans everything up because he is peak soft boy he just won’t admit it. When he does accidentally wake Zon they’re both just absolute cuties- the way Sai’s face falls when Zon said he was just kidding about wanting to wait for him- my boy is WHIPPED. But here’s the thing, and I’ll come back to this point in a bit but, the way Sai never pushes Zon on anything. It’s clear that Sai is really starting to crush on Zon the way he treats him and acts but any time Zon pulls away Sai just lets him. That’s so refreshing, especially in contrast to the way TorFight act in parallel to SaiZon. There is never an expectation for Zon to meet Sai’s desires and Sai takes only what Zon is willing to offer, and I appreciate it so much. Anyway their little collective panic when Sai tries to take Zon to his room is hilarious they’re both on such different pages and they really are just dorks. And then we have the typical in the rain sequence- oh my gosh- I love some good classic tropes and this is one of them. Once again we see Saifah just be an absolute romantic, he doesn’t even hesitate to take off his jacket to cover Zon and himself. I just- that’s peak romance for me my dudes. Both me and Sai are whipped and that’s just facts. Then Zon (somehow??) forgets how to stand on two legs and trips yet again and we have another close contact scene, but this time there noses touch and Zon’s reaction isn’t nearly as visceral as it has been- it’s almost like he likes the attention up until his mind thinks it’s too close to a novel and he gets scared.

On to episode five’s part one! Zon is finally in Sai’s room and we get the cute hair drying scene that Zon doesn’t appreciate as much as I do- anyway Zon is freaking out and Saifah doesn’t fully understand what he’s babbling on about but still gets his chance to tease. It is once again cute and effortless, I crave more of this (SaiZon special episode I’m looking at you). Sai is getting a bit more confident with his advances but always pulls back the moment Zon freaks, it’s completely them. And then we get them waking up in each other’s arms, the screaming, Zon being an absolute moron. This is why these two are /the/ couple for me. Like no one else could pull this scene off nearly as well as them, it’s great. Also Saifah pulling a 2Moons2 Kit and just yeeting Zon off the bed? Iconic, that’s it that’s the analysis.

Part two of episode five has a moment that’s not a SaiZon scene but I do feel like it’s important in their relationship- Zol tells (well lies but Zon doesn’t know that-) about changing the story after their promise/wish/curse. This is the point where Zon can finally take what he has been experiencing and feeling in for the first time with a clear head. It’s no longer “possibly” influenced by supernatural forces because of Zol. This is when Zon decides “oh this is real, these feelings are real”, and you can tell that the way Zon acts around Saifah is considerably more calm and open to Saifah’s advantages to a point. Occasionally he still talks about it everything being similar to a fiction but he isn’t held back by it nearly as much. Then we get SaiZon practicing in the music room again and being interrupted by Natee and Junior, they kinda make Zon nervous about the show- until Saifah steps in. He confidently tells Zon he believes in him and that he will be there for him and I just- oh my god?? That’s so soft and I swear Saifah is the biggest soft boy ever who is willing to do anything to lift Zon up and that’s precious. They really are slowly starting to get on the same page.

Moving on to episode six part two (this is where we start to see less SaiZon due to the pandemic limiting their filming time)! This episode gives us Zon asking Sai on a guitar buying date. And lemme tell you the way these two act? WHIPPED. They both get so shy and tease the other the perfect amount, they really have grown into each other in ways I don’t think any of us expected. The cute little happy dance they do when they agree and hang up? Boyfriends, just like ??? hello??? Mind you they agree to go the Saturday before the show so they have now spent almost the full two months together- I can’t even believe it. They have had this relationship grow for two months and we’ve only been able to see glimpses, just imagine what we don’t get to see! Anyway we see Saifah being peak baby all bundled up sharing headphones with Zon- which is like peak romance for me I won’t even apologize. And then the pure excitement Saifah has when Zon suggests he stays over at Saifah’s- WHIPPED. He even suggests that there might be something between them when Zon questions their closeness, but the moment Zon wants to change the subject Sai follows his lead, like I’ve mentioned before Sai is not one to ever push Zon for more because he respects Zon so much.

Part three of episode six gives us the rooftop scene! The lingering looks! “The stars are beautiful.”, “It is beautiful-” as Saifah looks at Zon with those soft eyes! THE GAYS ARE PINING. And then them playing together. I am crying??? I can’t even form sentences, I can’t analyze, I just am going to sit here for a moment and think about how this romance is goals. That’s it.

Part four is full of SaiZon just being huge teases. Saifah confidently pulls Zon into him, asking if Zon is afraid of falling in love with him and I just- the way Zon looks at Sai? He’s already in love, and no I don’t take criticism. That’s it, that’s the analysis.

Part one of episode seven is the scene that made me want to write this essay- we have Zon and Saifah in the most intimate scene yet for them. It really is just a back and forth between them that is simple and wholly them. And then it shifts- Zon is looking at Saifah so softly, and is easily going along with what Saifah is doing with no hang ups. Saifah is looking up at Zon like he’s hung the stars and it’s the perfect moment. “You’re being so obedient, be like this more often. I like it”, “I like it too”, even the music is just perfect, but right at the last second Zon looks away. “I didn’t mean I like you.” and Saifah clearly looks disappointed, everything leading up to this was pointing in this direction and it didn’t happen. Saifah very clearly has feelings, he isn’t even trying to be subtle anymore, but not once does Saifah push for more. He backs off and settles down into a level that matches Zon’s comfort zone, because he cares about Zon’s comfort more than his own feelings. They have a moment for the comfort to level out once again and then they’re back to their usual selves. They’re back onto an equal field where they’re both just being themselves together- and they have another almost kiss that Sai does try to play off. Zon is still a bit spooked but it is still another testament to Saifah’s respect of Zon’s boundaries. This is where yet another deleted scene happens that I desperately wish they kept- it shows Zon fast asleep grab at Saifah until he’s completely draped over him. Saifah holds him, very similarly to a scene we will get to shortly, and the smile on Sai’s face? This boy is so in love but also so careful with Zon’s limitations, that just being able to hold Zon is enough to put him at ease. And we were ROBBED of it. Why R U editors turn on your location, I just wanna talk-

Part two of episode seven gives us the most cursed scene that, like Zon, I wish I could forget. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it but the second hand embarrassment is excruciating so for the sake of my sanity I’m gonna kinda gloss over it? Zon sees Sai’s boner, it causes Zon’s single brain cell to explode, that’s it- MOVING ON. On the bright side it also gives us SaiZon’s first public performance together. I assume this is to hype up the actual show, I don’t really care, all I care about is how earnest Saifah is with Zon. Zon is terrified of performing and Saifah is there to cheer him on. He is willing to let Zon leave if it means Zon will be more comfortable and he genuinely doesn’t want to push Zon into anything. Zon finally calms down enough to agree to stay and sing- and then Saifah starts rubbing his hands to give some comfort. The dialogue in this scene will forever go down as one of my favorite exchanges ever- “Are you okay with having me beside you?” SAIFAH HONEY. This one sentence holds everything in it. Is it okay that Saifah tried to kiss him? Is it okay that he got turned on? Is it okay that Saifah clearly has some sort of feelings for Zon? AND ZON SAYS YES. I just, I will never recover. It’s a very cute moment that they share, a sort of understanding that they share now that doesn’t really change what they have already, just gives some clarity to their current situation. And then the performance they give? It’s wonderful. What more can I say?

And now we’re getting to the good stuff- episode eight, part one. Sai is able to sneak read a bit of Zon’s writing, Sai trying to make himself look not suspicious is so funny, but the absolute angle Zon lets him get away with it. Then they have a cute back and forth about Sai wanting to sleep over at Zon’s place, it’s precious and shows that since the last time Zon seems a bit more comfortable with the obvious flirting and even does some himself. “Otherwise I’ll kiss you.” Saifah being bold as fuck and Zon not running away? That’s what we call growth! Then when Saifah is actually at Zon’s home and they’re telling his parents about the music show they are in full support, Zon’s mother and Saifah both teasing him about his name’s meaning. It’s light hearted and fun and I appreciate how cool Zon’s parents seem to be with their son’s and Saifah’s relationship (thus far). But them being so okay with his joining the music show compared to how unsupportive about his writing hurts, both me and Zon. When they’re in his room Zon is visibly upset with how his parents have handled his passions and Saifah is doing his best to cheer him up. Giving him some comfort, and this is where he admits to reading a few chapters of Zon’s fiction and Zon looks shattered. He is so afraid it’s bad because no one will support him, encourage him until Saifah tells him he actually liked it. That if he wants to keep writing he can count on Saifah to read it and it’s so touching because Zon finally has someone who believes in him. They have this really longing moment of just staring into each other’s eyes and it’s so soft and just full of pining. EXCEPT once again there’s a deleted scene we were ROBBED of. (Why R U’s editing team is out to hurt me apparently) In the deleted scene there was supposed to be a kiss to end the longing stares, this would be their first real kiss. And as much as I would have /loved/ that I can understand wanting the other scene being /the/ moment, but it doesn’t make me wish this scene hadn’t been cut any less.

The next three parts of episode eight I’m going to talk about in one piece because it is basically one long scene that’s just cut into parts. (Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) We have finally gotten to /the/ moment they’ve been leading up to this entire show, the music performance. When we start Zon is asleep and Saifah has arrived with food, trying to wake him up and only successful when he manages to kinda kiss Zon. They bicker a bit in their normal way, Zon whines about wanting an egg and Saifah gives his up happily. It's freaking adorable and the quality content I signed up for. Soda puts them in their performance outfits. They have a weird little fashion show that just makes me love Tommy and Jimmy with all my heart, you know the usual. And then the time gets closer to their performance- Zon is, rightfully, nervous and is having a little breakdown in front of Saifah who is trying his absolute best to calm him down. It’s a touching scene because you can tell that Sai doesn’t really know what to do to help but is seriously trying, and then Zon asks for some encouragement. Saifah wrapping his arms around Zon and hugging him is a scene that I will never recover from. Saifah is so confident in Zon’s skills and very clearly wants to perform with Zon that he’s willing to just hold the nervous kid in his arms until he calms down. It’s really touching and romantic and just perfect. It does the trick and they’re able to perform without a hitch. (I would like to say at this point I have been working on this essay for two days and have decided to throw alcohol into the mix so if I start going off the rails- whoops?) The actual concert is super lovely, like Tommy can sing don’t even @ me because I could listen to these two sing and nothing else and I would be completely happy with that, and when they go to do their thank you speeches my heart swells. Hearing Zon heartfully thank Saifah for doing this with him and then to hear Saifah ask every one to cheer for “my zon” one more time, it’s the pinnacle of romance. I don’t even think that they know how it looks to an outside viewer because they’re so lost in their own world. To them this wasn’t about the concert anymore but them proving themselves to each other, something so meaningful to them because without this moment being the huge lead up they would never have been anything more than people who shared mutual friends and “hated” each other. Without this concert neither would have taken steps to bring them closer, to this peak. And that is exactly what the concert is, it’s their peak because it’s the tipping point for their relationship. Any hesitation from either at this point would break it all down. And so when the two of them head backstage and they have this magical moment- this is it. Zon is complaining about the strings hurting his fingers so Sai softly blows on them to soothe the pain, it’s simple, quiet, and breathtaking. “Why are you so nice to me?” It's such a simple question, Zon’s eyes are filled with stars and he might not thinking that he’s going to get a good answer. “Because you already have my heart.” That’s it. Nothing Saifah could have said would top this. It leaves no questions, this is it for Saifah- he is throwing in everything at this moment and Zon just stares at him. He doesn’t flinch at the kiss Saifah leaves on his forehead, instead he puts his hands on Saifah’s cheeks and pulls him closer so he can kiss his nose. It’s not words that either need now because they just understand. They’ve taken the chance and it’s real now. Them just brushing noses in comfort is enough, but then they go all out. They /finally/ have their first /real/ kiss and it’s a culmination of everything they’ve been through and felt up until this point. I’m sure everyone has seen the behind the scenes clip of the pd calling them out for not following the script. Supposedly it wasn’t supposed to be so passionate but more of a quick peck, but this- what they gave us was nothing short of perfection. This kiss is a solidifier for everyone, especially Zon who has struggled internally this whole time about whether this is real or not. This is a confirmation that Zon’s feelings, now I might be reading a bit too into it/self projecting onto Zon, are valid. Zon and Saifah, as far as we know (I haven’t read the novel either btw), are presumably perceived as straight hell they may have thought they were straight up until they developed feelings for each other. Saifah develops his feelings confidently, he isn’t ashamed or shy about them. Like everything else in his life he takes it and makes it his own and that is completely valid. But for Zon it is a struggle the whole way through. He’s scared and he overthinks, over analyzes everything, and shys away from Saifah’s advances until now- a common theme found in many unsure/closeted queer kids. And THAT is also valid. They’re both so completely different and yet they fit together in ways that I don’t even think they knew was possible. The way they play off each other, can read the other, knows what to do or say- it’s the perfect amount of them.

Episode nine is purely TorFight and part one of episode ten gives us only crumbs of SaiZon, but they are crumbs I would die for. It’s a couple of minutes of a sleepy Zon being cuddled by Saifah. Nothing fancy, nothing overly sexual, just the domestic bliss of these two holding each other. Once again it’s a testament to how made they are for each other. In any other drama (and I say this with affection to all the other bls I have consumed) this wouldn’t fly- this slow progression isn’t the norm for these types of shows and that’s why it’s so damn refreshing. Saifah in all his suave bad boy persona, is truly just a hopeless romantic that wants to hold his boyfriend in his arms for as long as he wants. Zon for all his shy avoidance of anything romantic, just enjoys having Saifah by his side. There is no one party pushing for more, no one party aggressively making moves that are unwanted. It’s just these two content in taking it slow and basking in the warmth of it,

Again for episode eleven we only get a little bit of SaiZon in part four, but that’s fine. It’s especially fine because it’s like every good sick fic I’ve ever read put into canon. Need I say more? It’s soft and cute, Saifah being a whiny sick baby while Zon takes care of them is peak devastation. I really have nothing to say here except thinking about this scene gives me a hundred and one fic ideas and melts my cold dead heart. Moving on.

Episode twelve has a bit of SaiZon but outside of them being totally whipped and wearing matching outfits to the beach I don’t have anything to say? Like I could just scream about the fact that they’re cute but if you’ve made it this far I would hope you already know that, so I’m gonna carry on to episode thirteen- hope you don’t mind!

The finale- episode thirteen. Once again I’m going to just talk about it as a whole rather than split it up because this episode also follows like one central moment in time rather than having huge time breaks in between. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) Now we can get into the quintessential moments that define why I think SaiZon is one of the most superior relationships in media I’ve ever consumed. We are thirteen episodes in, we know these characters. They have grown into each other in front of us and this episode shows it in such a poetic way. When Sai and Zon get to their room at the hotel Sai is quick to tease Zon about his “duty” (for future reference if I ever hear someone say duty in reference to sex I might just cry) that night and of course in typical Zon fashion he gets a little antsy. But it doesn’t stop there like it would have earlier, instead Zon uses his nerves to turn the tables. He initiates a kiss with Saifah! Leaving both Saifah and I stunned in the process before teasing and dragging him out for their cute little beach date montage. Now mind you I am gay and love the beach so this shit hits hard for me. Like they’re being your typical love sick characters, Saifah stealing a few cheek kisses to Zon’s surprise, they goof off on a boat(?), they have those dumb couples clothes on- it’s really over the top cute like what else can I say. You want proof love exists? Here you go. Anyway they’re cute, it’s lovely, moving on. They have, I can only imagine this as a very strange double date, dinner with TorFight some bickering happens- again your typical drama moment it’s not too special. Until we get back to the bedroom. Now I have seen a lot of queer media in my life and with that comes your natural tropes (I say tropes fondly because I tend to like most tropes), and that’s what I was expecting. But no, I have never seen anything so purely born out of natural instinct and emotion in my life. Saifah sitting at the edge of the bed strumming a nameless song out of nerves, Zon trying to get his attention in the dorkiest way possible. Once again this is so totally and utterly /them/. I can’t picture anyone doing the way they did, selling that natural awkwardness that comes from your first time with someone you love? Fuck man. Saifah is finally all out of the confidence he normally has, instead he’s avoiding Zon and the prospect of the night by playing the guitar. It makes sense too because this is his first time doing this with someone that he loves, and his first time with a guy which is another added layer of nerves. It’s a lot for both of them, but Zon seems to be actually interested now- finally starting to make moves himself because he knows for a fact Sai isn’t going to push in fear of spooking Zon. And then we get the real moment that really changes everything, “You have music in your heart, don’t you want to have Zon in your heart?” This is it- this is the moment they’ve both been waiting for. Zon already has Saifah’s heart, he has for a while I believe, but this question is what tells Sai that Zon is ready too. They want the same thing, each other. Now we get one of the best build ups I have ever experienced. If you're watching just at face value it might seem a bit strange but every action is deliberate. @spookshowenilorac and I have this running theory that Zon doesn’t close his eyes during some kisses because he is afraid that if he does it will all disappear, it’ll be just a dream from Zol’s fiction (and anytime one of us mentions it I tear up). He’s been so afraid for so long and this moment does feel like it’s out of a dream, it’s overwhelming in passion and over thinking. But the moment Zon accepts it as real it progresses. Mind you, as I’m sure you already know, the tongue in these kisses was not scripted. This is purely Tommy and Jimmy giving this scene and these characters everything they had. It just feels right, after everything these two have been through, and to not have that level of intimacy would have left this scene hollow. The passion and dedication Mii2 gave SaiZon is unparalleled. But that’s not it is it? No, they take it even farther. The promises they make each other? “I promise that I will only have you.” “I’ll give in only to you.” The unscripted tears and voice crack? Nothing can or will top that. I’m sorry but that is /love/. This isn’t based on lust or desire or just purely passion, what Saifah and Zon have is so palpable you can almost feel it. I don’t think any words in our universe can explain the raw emotion that just envelopes this scene in particular. And to know half of it was unscripted and Mii2 just felt like this was what was needed, what the characters would have done is so validating? Just knowing that both Tommy and Jimmy see it too, how this scene needed to play out this way in order for Sai and Zon to have their story complete is unprecedented. Again I wish I had the words to describe it better but I just don’t, so I hope you can understand at least the surface level of what I’m trying to get at here. Anyway let’s move on before I combust by the pure emotions in the bed scene to the next bed scene! This is where Zon and Saifah wake up the morning after, and when I say this is yet again peak devastation I am not kidding. They’re so bright and loving with each other in their typical teasing manner. Saifah steals a cheeky kiss from Zon and demands a kiss on his cheek, of course Zon tries to mess around refusing, then kissing, then refusing when Sai asks for more. It’s light hearted and the emotional levity we all needed. Especially with the dazed look Zon has, I think here is when he fully understands and accepts that Saifah and this feeling isn’t a dream. This is real and his to keep. The passion between them hasn’t died down but their relationship isn’t solely based on it being so aggressive either. They excel in these in between moments, the give and take of both a teasing joke and a desire to be together. It’s not as primal as the love TorFight have, but that doesn’t make either any less valid. It’s the fact that they’re such vastly different relationships that makes me admire this show more. The contrast between the two really highlights that no two relationships are the same, just like no two people are the same and that’s a wonderful message. Moving on from that very domestic scene we get the beach kissing scene (yes I’m skipping a tiny bit because I have nothing to say about SaiZon walking in on TorFight besides gay solidarity baby!). First of all I wanna point out that their outfits are peak gay culture, like I can see @travelersmindpalace and I wearing the exact same outfits during our next beach date and it /hurts/. This is also where I point out that I have a weak spot for height differences and holy shit does SaiZon deliver. The way Zon has to kinda tippy toe to kiss Sai or have Saifah lean down a bit- I’m whipped. They also thank each other for coming into their lives and I had to pause for a good few minutes to have a nice little cry over that. Like??? How??? How are they so pure and sweet after everything- I really can’t fathom it. And they do that soft little nose bump thing before they kiss- my gay heart can really only take so much of this without crying over them. They truly are the pinnacle of relationship goals. I don’t know how else to say that? They really just are so encouraging of each other, the boundaries they set up are respected, there’s never a moment of an imbalance of power, they just have a healthy relationship that’s based on trust and understanding. I hope in the in the future we get more shows depicting a relationship like this.

This was a lot and I am sorry for the word dump?? If you made it this far I love you and I beg you to scream about SaiZon with me- and with that I’m done!

#why r u #saizon #saifahzon #THIS TOOK FOREVER I'M SORRY #this is almost 8000 words of me crying over my love for saizon episode by episode rip #boba!wordcollections #it's 1am I'll deal with the consequences of this when I wake up :3

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