#u guys what the fuck am I supposed to do
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got 178 pages into the pairing and realized i’ve been picturing theo and kit in the wrong bodies the whole time…like i thought theo had the dark brown hair and kit had the orange blonde hair…the whole fucking time..for 178 pages..
#u guys what the fuck am I supposed to do#I can’t just switch them in my head I’m too far in#I’m suffering for my stupidity#theo flowerday#kit fairfield#the pairing#casey mcquiston#casey mcquiston books
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Being besties with your neighbor who used to be a swaddled, drooling baby just hits different for sure
#One Piece Fan Letter#One Piece#how fucking dare they don't provide names for these guys#i understand for the main character to not have a name. for symbolism purposes and whatnot#but the himbos tho??? hello??????#what am I supposed to tag them. Marines Brothers ???#Oda did u do this? intentionally? Oda-
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in bed and a solo oc blog's calling to me like the green goblin mask
#outof.#tbd /#trying to resist the urge w every fiber of my being#cus that means i'd have to get into loretm... and there's sm how am i supposed to condense any of it in a digestible manner#i never shut the fuck up#can i just beam the information into y'all's minds. please god#this is mostly about ambrosius... mr grimdark fantasy... my first ever oc i've had for like. 19 years now coming june#they're so tragic and should've became a villain. had every right to do so but remained kind despite everything#u can imagine how much shit he has /alone/. my dedication needs to be studied#or one of my wols that i have on here. amhe my tired lil guy... fraying at the edges while ardbert and esteem r :awkward: emojing in#her head. please seek therapy#idk... sm options... we'll see... maybe once i write more here and on viktor. the latter of which i never got to do what#i'd planned cus i zzz'ed all wknd. xd#i just want to advertise an oc<3 or all of them<3 anxiety always holds me back
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I just so happened to have this shitty comic drawn because I'm currently insane over these two specifically
featuring my other bastard @the-bloodline-embrace
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v ask blog#victor grantz#identity v postman#unconcerned comic#did i do this comic to procrastinate my other comic? yes#i was looking for references for exorcist's outfit cos thats what bitch edgelord wears n was going through my exorcist comics#i missed those. i peaked with those. pls go n read them if u havent especially the 2nd one its on my pinned. shameless self promo /shot#anyway i was like Hey i kinda miss doing action scenes even though theyre hard n i have no idea what im doing#n then i wondered what if the bastard on this blog met the bastard on my other blog. n this happened. within a day#i was possessed by the two bastards to draw this at gunpoint /j#to be fair i was also like Since this is a comic done Purely for Fun it can be as shitty as it will be#so my brush is thicc n my words are handwritten n i removed a whole lot of details. pls excuse the quality#ive been thinking so much about exorcist n embrace. especially embrace. i would draw him more but. god that headpiece#anyway embrace is also a freak but hes my freak that i can throw at exorcist. lore wise aka according to the bullshit abilities#i gave to both embrace n bitch. bitch would win. because hes death personified. embrace is just some guy with spears speed n cosplay powers#i will not elaborate#anyway we are not gonna talk about how gay this became. i didnt do this they just started flirting in the middle of fighting its not my fau#“stop losing sight of me” is probably the gayest line ive written so far n ofc its fucking bitch edgelord that says it. stabs him with a pi#i am going insane over these two i think it shows#anyway im going to disappear for a bit unless theres something in the inbox. or i finish the other comic i was supposed to be working on
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if one more person tries to talk to me about college, i swear on everything i love, i will explode
#“so what colleges are you thinking of applyi-” SHUT THE FUCK UP#DAMN#like dude#i get so stressed about college and im signed up for way too much shit that im not even interested in because it looks good on college apps#*cough cough* debate.... *cough cough*#like at this point it's like my life isn't even about finding the stuff that i enjoy and the community i want to surround myself with#it's all college college college#everything is about fucking college#and yk maybe if college was a little less “eternal debt unless you get a crazy good scholarship that's only given to 6.0 valedictorians”#and a little more like the AUs then maybe i'd actually want to go to college lmao#but at this rate#it's not even something i want to do#i'm just setting my life up for it because like what the fuck else am i supposed to do??#skilled trade seems nice but i dunno#like ugh#any time i consider a program or anything that demands my time the one thing at the forefront of my mind is#whether it looks good on a resume or college application#and lowkey#i do it so often that i didn't even realize i did it until i was chatting with this one guy at the bus stop and he was talking abt this one#rlly good internship offer#and i said smth along the lines of “i'm sure that looks really good on college applications” for like the third time that conversation#and he responded saying smth along the lines of how#college applications shouldn't be the main reason u choose to put ur time into something#and internally i was just kinda like “oh yeah...”#i have so much to say about this fucking fuckass topic but this is already turning into too much of a vent#my posts#cw vent
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having a crush is like poison status effect whenever u have to think.
#my ocs#hello yes see i draw#I hate this so much ???????#what the fuck ??????#do u know how much effort I have to put in to not think about it. Like. Should I just kill myself at this point tbh.#and there’s people around me who are purposely trying to get a crush for like. Fun. Why.#this is psychological warfare.#though I guess their goals w crush is have one and never speak to him huh 💭 they just want a guy to think about when bored.#This happened to me by accident 💭 and I am. speaking to him often. I didn’t today though. hashtag winning 💪 (?)#I will get over it. I will speak to no one over midterms week and I will get so over him.#and then I will be so normal platonic about it.#this was supposed to happen in highschool I think I was supposed to get comfortable w this way earlier in life.#I don’t know I don’t care I just need to survive this at this point Jesus Christ.#and hey guess what I was just about to start gushing in this tag it snuck up on me wtf.#I do not want him. (<- affirmations)#I can never let anyone have my Tumblr or my art socials ever god imagine. Anyone seeing this.#it would suck so bad. Guys. I would have to kms.#why did I meet the most attractive and nicest and coolest guy immediately. why is this my first friend in 5 years.#sorry that is gushing huh. god this sucks so bad. I hate. having emotions.#well it’s not gushing it’s like objective fact people will not stop saying he’s won the genetic lottery to his face.#And I get crazy 2nd hand embarrassment every time but also not wrong.#they’re not wrong. ugh. killing myself.#guys why does every tag ramble end this way. guys. why. why am I becoming a real boy I want to be a puppet again actually.#ok. normal time 4 minutes left in movie clean bathroom then sneepy time and I will do so good not thinking about him and will sleep immedia
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was about to lowkey pat myself on the back for having the most liked playlist for Big Red (YuuriVoice) on Spotify but. after further searching i believe it may be the only Big Red (YuuriVoice) playlist on Spotify 😭
#Seven.txt#yuurivoice#music stuff#rp audio stuff#(might as well go ahead and make a tag for it with how much i've been posting abt it lately)#what is a win when there is no competition#(that is a Joke i do not consider playlist making to be a competition. i am Truly Shocked that anyone likes any of my playlists)#like my music taste is awful! i made those playlists to please my own taste why r u guys even here#*looks at my Dark Mode Alphonse playlist with 150+ likes* WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE#but like. that is so funny to me#am i just not finding the other Big Red playlists or am i the only person insane enough abt him to make a playlist#where's that 'if x has 1 million fans meme'#If Big Red has 1 fan‚ that one is me#and the 42 ppl that liked the playlist lmao#If Big Red has 43 fans-#okay i'm done joking around#i'm supposed to be drafting up a fic for a completely different character to post rn but i'm fucking around on Spotify instead. whoops#like sorry but the Big Red audio on Patreon yesterday hit me in the heart and got the brainworms wiggling again#me when a character i love cries for the first time: YESSS YESYESYES GIVE ME THE EMOTION GIVE ME THE VULNERABILITY OPEN UP TO ME I LOVE YOU
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im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.
#i know this is stupid#im supposed to be proud of being trans and love myself no matter what and be proud of my identity but#fuck man sometimes id just give anything to be cis#like this shit sucks#i dont wanna fuckin do this anymore im tired of it#'nick ur only 18' YEAH I KNOW AND ITS STILL BAD#god im pissed off#i just. i hate that i cant be proud of who i am bc im not someone else.#im losing my mind i think#i wish i was cis so fuckin bad u guys. i wanna have the experiences of growing up as a boy that i missed out on.#i wish i couldve went to school dances in a suit and not had to worry about being stared at#i wish i could dress how i wanted and present myself how i feel comfortable without hearing those goddamn whispers behind my back#im sick and fuckin tired of it#anyway <3 im done <3 im gonna go watch youtube and pretend like i dont exist <3#vent#dysphoria mention
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on my f2p pulled on yoi’s banner with free monthly wishes bc i love her and its better to have her there bc on my main i have fully invested monster c1 hu tao on homa, so i’d never actually main yoi there
got DILUC instead!! hoyo u gonna hate crime me like that on the first day of pride month??? i’m fucking suing!! i already have dehya on this account, i don’t need second bad pyro claymore. i would’ve taken mona bc i need hydro like WATER, i only have barabarara. i would’ve even mained tighnari. even qiqi, i need healers in the abyss. but diluc???
#diluc what u doing there#what am i supposed to do put u on a team with dehya and my fucking c4 dori and call u guys Bad and Even Worse??#whatever my discounted switch finally arrives next week i'm quitting for zelda#rhine talks
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a little annoyed w real live friends , i'll be working on some drabbles from THIS ask meme & lurking on discord . also a funny lil ask meme HERE .
#bunny speaks ‚ ooc.#neg /#a little fucking annoying that my friends knew i had work all this weekend at least a week before hand because i couldnt get the day off#and they still came in which is fine#but it feels like theyre just using me as an airbnb rn#BAHA#one of them is meeting up with a childhood friend which is fine#i had work from 7a-4p#and they were supposed to go for lunch at 1p#they didnt eat until 3p#and they know i have work at 430 am#i sent them my schedule so they know what i have work at 430 am#and theyre like#“omg come out with us” even though they know i cant ??#like#“come downtown” “come eat and drinks with us” I CANT#i literally have 2 be in bed at 9 pm in order to not want to k word myself for my shift tmrrw#“we want you to feel included” if u did you'd be more considerate of my schedule and what i can and cannot do#like we couldve hung out before i had 2 sleep but you guys just want 2 stay out#which is fine#but dont expect me to be able to do anything#its just annoying#no consideration + i had a shit ass day at work too ! lmao#anyways
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i say i don’t kin snow but in reality i do in fact have an entire photo album dedicated to the guy i’m seeing and every time i miss him i just go and stare at the pics bcuz i don’t wanna seem clingy.
#IM DOING THIS NOW#i can’t fucking sleep and i just wanna see his face but what the fuck why wld i text him that’s so WEIRD#will u guys cancel me over this#this isn’t even like . remotely the worst thing i’ve done in a romantic situation 😭😭#he’s just so hot what am i supposed to do ????#but it is my problem and i don’t wanna bother him every single minute of every day (at least not yet 💀)#have a theory that maybe this happens bcuz i treat relationships like hyperfixations- what who said that 😇😇😇
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me during the 2 weeks i was dying: I WANNA LIVE!!!!!!!! I SWEAR I'LL LEARN TO APPRECIATE LIFE THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
me now that im better: ok.suicidal again.
#i mean can u blame me#im back to where i was. clueless and stuck.#i should contact my shrooms guy today i think#literally what the fuck am i supposed to do with my life when i hate how the world works so much#its not that i hate humanity or anything. i just dont like how this all works yknow. and my audhd makes me lose motivation for it.#i know im just supposed to suck it up and live for the potential good moments and distractions..but why is that our only option?#i also am very aware that this is just what being 21 is like. and 22. and so on. oh god maybe it never ends.#the thing is i fear death so much that i'd never actually kill myself. i just feel the urge.#im waitinggggg for my eye opening moment where i realize its all gonna be ok and its all worth it to fake it
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thinking abt the guzma (character) blogger who blocked me who i found out has blocked me because someone tagged me on one of their guzma (character) posts and i could NOT interact with it what so ever or even see the op until i went into an anonymous tab
i dont know im not mad like at all its an oddly funny good feeling to be like oh my godddd i annoyed someone with stealing a characters name so much that i got blocked im doing something right im being a little annoying fuckass YES like its a victory
#and tbh i cant say shit#i block people on sight im serious#oh u posted thing i dont vibe with ur blocked sorry#i have. people who did art for me before blocked for the same reason#i react very poorly to some things especially art of faves so#do one thing wrong and ur gone#its not out of hatred but i legit have weird breakdowns over shit (you guys have fucking seen them)#i am not sure what to call them but i suppose breakdown will do#but its not some jokey mildly upset thing im genuinely like#spiraling down badly usually lmfao#sets off a thing in my brain that just... well Sets Me Off#I Am So Sorry#looks at the amount of spam and ttcc(COUGHCOUGH HR) artist people i blocked because my brain is built weird
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why is it when my parents don't communicate with each other properly and problems arise because of it. im the one at fault
#i don't understand how this is my fault#u guys actively can't stand each other. but you hang out all the fucking time#if you'd talk about important shit instead of wtv tf u talked about all that damn time#in the backyard#you'd already know there was a discrepancy. but no it's my fault for not running#between the two of you to find an answer. not your fault for not being adults but mine#i cannot believe im still getting in trouble at my age for mundane shit. as if i go out and blow their money or smth. I don't do anything#but no me. A 19yo. getting yelled at because my mom scheduled smth for the wrong day and didn't say she couldn't make it#as if i was supposed to automatically know she did this and inform my dad. what the fuck is wrong with these ppl#I should be the one yelling. IT'S MY APPOINTMENT Y'ALL ARE FUCKING UP#i should just take the bus and go by myself but then I'd get in trouble for going somewhere alone#I'm gonna fuckin burn my house down why am I still in a cage biting the bars and getting scolded for#Scratching the steel#cee speaks#fuck it man im just. mad lol
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im like such an idiot highkey like damn
#3.txt#like my dumb ass cought feelings for my situationship and like he doesnt want me obviously#and like im so confused where i stand w him and like everyone keeps asking abt it and like its just so humiliating#cuz like i was talking to one of his friends and he was like so whats gong on between u 2#and i was pike oh you know jist like fwb nothing serious#and hes like oh why so#and its like im not gonna say its bcs he doesnt fucking like me or want me so i had to just pathetically mumble something out#like fuck me#its like im so stupid and desperate for attention like why did i do this to myslef#and like im so into him it crazy and hes not a bad guy in any way#hes really amaizng its just that im that dumb bitch that cought feelings like fuck meee#i need to find like an actual bf or somwthing and end this shit cuz i cant go on like this#like i dont ever know where i stand w that guy and like#somethimes well be chilling and it will be like were just friends like nothing extra and when we leave ill go in for a hug and hell go for#a handshake but other times ill leave and hell go in for a fucking kiss so like how am i supposed to keep up#like sometimes well hang out and heel be all love dovey other times its like im not even there#like if he just wants to be firends thats fine w me i just wish i had some clarity#cuz like i never know how to act around him#whatever fuck all life i should just kms
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hello hello
#here once again to whisper online about my sex life#i had my second date w that guy last week and we had sex#unfortunately……his skills elsewhere are not making up for the…….small p*nis :(#but i really like him and i want to keep seeing him and im attracted to him and hes so sweet UGHHHHH#i just want him to pull smth else out of there#what else u got man?#also he had a hard time getting & staying hard which i do not judge him for or take personally at ALL#however…..i had giving head for utility i only ever want it to be for fun#hate* not had#and i’m realizing how spoiled i was with T like he could get hard from just a look tbh#and then he could go like three rounds back to back#AND IT WAS HUGE 😭😭😭#like what am i supposed to do now how is any other sex going to compare????#and ofc in retrospect i have my criticisms it’s not as perfect as we said it was#but god damn was it close#i think sex will be the hardest part of our relationship to get over for the rest of my life tbh#the universe thinks this is SOOOO FUNNY she’s like you can only pick 1! get loved right or get fucked right!#WHYYYYYYYYYYY#POR QUOIIIIIIIIIII
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