#u can tag people if u want but the point was moreso for u to jus feel Seen and loved hehe

[sordidmusings]

WIP TUESDAY - Sugar Daddy Headcanons with Shanks and Garp

Saw Schoute's wonderful art WIP and writing and wanted to join the fun! Have some ridiculous Blorbos as Sugar Daddies headcanons that have been on my backburner LOL I've got Shanks and Garp ready for y'all 🫡 They're pretty much done, I moreso have to fill out everyone else on the list 🤡 No warnings really! Just some allusions to spice but nothing explicit. Lots of silliness. I believe they're gender neutral but I'm going to tag as afab just in case because I fear it may be in the subtext since that's the perspective I wrote it from and the one people generally expect for sugar babies. Might be fun to subvert sometime by writing them with explicitly amab sugar babies. I will Ponder lol I'd also love to see what everyone is working on so please take this as a sign to post something of your own!!

The song I blame for everything (I love u Thot Squad):

“This fine old man, he played three

He can knickknack this coochie

With an Amex black card, get a girl a Benz

Reset and do it again”

Word Count: Shanks ~750, Garp ~400 (sorry about the favoritism Vice Admiral 😬)

Shanks

shanks absolutely pursued this type of relationship with you

Your pretty face and open smile snagged his attention but the way you easily met and fed his energy had him at you like a dog with a bone

He’s no stranger to helping people laugh their way into his bed, but the journey with you felt different. He took extra time simply because each moment with you was too good to keep from savoring

You didn’t hide your attraction at any point but he did appreciate that you would try and prod back at him in good humor to test his will and want

You found he had both in excessive abundance

It felt nice to have someone so attractive, established, feared, and adored seek your company and watch him become more interested with each minute he got of you. It also felt nice to see that while he certainly had an abundance of confidence he held no arrogance with you - he played no games in making you question his interest or to assert his importance to you. He treated you as a person (one he mainly wanted to turn to his bedroom tenant but still-) and it made him feel more like a man than a myth for you both too

And holy hell did you like that man - he made you laugh even if at his own expense, he impressed you when he’d let some of his cunning slip through the jovial pirate shtick, he kept your interest with how he could entertain any topic you brought forward, he made you feel beautiful with the way his eyes and hands soaked you in, and he made you feel wanted with the way he treated everything about you with genuine interest. 

The only thing that made it better is how he made sure you wanted for nothing. The first night it was making sure you didn’t pay a cent for anything, you always had food and drink right before you realized you wanted it, his coat found your shoulders the moment you felt a chill, you found yourself in fresh air right when the heat and the noise of the bar became too much. 

After that it was an endless stream of trinkets, from priceless to silly but sentimental, all coming with letters that had you laughing, blushing, and swooning.

Every time he’d visit you (and it was at first as often as he thought he could manage but that managed to get even sooner and sooner because of his need for you) you’d indulge in each other like it was the first and last time

He stopped wanting anyone else - there were enough people across the seas he had to apologize to after explaining why he’d gasped the wrong name and they were never right to scratch the new insatiable itch he had anyway

When it dawned on him how much you had him wrapped around your finger, not just physically and financially but also mentally, emotionally, and he’s pretty sure even spiritually, he may have had a crisis (the crew was very torn between amusement and true wory watching it unfold, especially when the usual rum and patented Beckman Shoulder Pat with Nod didn't ease his turmoil)

It wasn't because he didn’t want to love you, but he truly never thought he’d ever find someone he wanted and needed the way he does you. It was such a foreign concept to him that he felt like the world had tilted and left everything slightly unfamiliar. Especially coming from a relationship he stapled together with riches. Sure, there was also joy, camaraderie, and intimacy holding it together, but he found it harder to trust that someone such as you wouldn't find someone younger and more present to belong to than to trust that you could need him to sustain a lifestyle of ease and abundance.

If he couldn't be sure you'd want him, he'd try and find solace in you needing him, even if it was only for what he could afford you

When he finally told Beckman of his plight, he was slightly offended by the “it took you this long to figure it out?”

He’s currently trying to figure out how to convince you to live on his ship with him. He needed to let you know you’d be safe regardless of your experience level with the seas or battle. 

He’d bring the world to its knees if anything touched a hair on your head

Luckily for him, you knew. Anyone with eyes would from the way he smiles at you.

Garp

Garp was decidedly not in your plans. Yes, you wanted someone older, someone with wealth, someone with influence, someone who would take care of you, but you thought Gilfs were an urban legend told to see what face it would get out of freshies

You’re not complaining tho

He has certainly convinced you that the rarity of his kind just pointed to what a prized role it was to shack up with one

He was rough around the edges to be sure - brash and loud and stubborn - but he used all those traits to get you both exactly what you wanted

All your needs were met without you having to even think of them anymore (you were surprised that needs in the bedroom were included in that, but you supposed you shouldn’t have underestimated a man who could still punch apart battle ships, nor one with such a lust for eating)

Neither of you had any illusions of sweeping romance

You were more than happy with the care and respect that built between the two of you in your roles, growing with each act of service to each other, each piece of comfort, each unintended moment of vulnerability

Don’t get me wrong, the vulnerability ain’t common; most of your time is this man having fun watching you light up when he took you out and tossed his money around for you before taking you home to have multiple courses of dessert

You’ll never get over his gruff voice and curling accent - they helped your brain turn to mush while he coaxed and praised you through happily giving him everything he wants as a thank you for all his care

That voice along with all that burliness and age, which you thought would’ve been a turn off not on, ended up making you feel small yet so protected

Garp didn’t think he’d enter a relationship like this that went on so long and so easily but any reservation or second guessing was lost the moment he saw you and everything just felt natural

Tho he’d still make jokes that always make you groan about how you keep him young better than his troublesome recruits (that he is stuck between wanting to parade you around to see their jaws drop and wanting to keep you hidden away from any young bucks who may try to get your attention before he’s ready to let you go)

Thank you for reading 😘🤍🤍

Masterlist

[steven-has-exploded]

massive apologies to all the tanizakiheads seeing me in this tag every other day but now that we have confirmation he and naomi arent even siblings, ive been looking back and just. realizing how weirdly their whole relationship is written BEYOND the alabama shit?

this is also gonna be a teensy bit long because i cannot shut the fuck up, anyways warning for mentions of s/a + some panels of That and incest. also naomi likers proceed with caution, i really dont even dislike her to be honest but the point of this post is to point out the really weird way her actions are written, so if u dont wanna see that then. there

so. ive realized that basically no part of their "activities" is written explicitly as being consensual on junichirou's end, and im unsure if asagiri even did this intentionally because its just. never talked about and also constantly treated like just a running gag

like maybe this is just the translation im reading but id say that it actually implies moreso that the stuff behind closed doors is nonconsensual rather than the opposite, the language used especially by junichirou really implies that theres at least something questionable in regards to that aspect, i.e. this page in chapter 15 right before naomi was taken into annes room by lucy

right before this is naomi saying that junichirou claimed hed "do anything she wanted", which. yeah im not gonna pretend like that isnt just supposed to be some haha funny kink joke, but junichirou claiming that she "forced" him to do something combined with that forms some really unsavory implications that i, again, dont think were intentional on asagiris part

and this continues through their interactions in the earlier chapters; every single time they talk about some kind of unspoken thing that happened between them, its always phrased like this. ive seen a considerable number of people in my time lurking over arguments online claim that junichirou is in on it because of this panel;

and while. firstly that isnt how consent works - second, since this entire fandom sees their relationship as weird in one way or another and not just funny like asagiri hoped we would and im coming at this from the same angle, this seems more like him trying to let her down softly instead of saying she can do whatever in private, since they were in the middle of an investigation at this point. "not here", at least to me, doesnt imply that hes chill with it in private, but that he just doesnt want whatever to happen in public based on the way its been written

and obviously this isnt even bringing up the fact that one of the first scenes we see of them just earlier in ch3 involves naomi groping junichirou in the middle of uzumaki cafe, because that obviously IS nonconsensual and its just. brushed off. like kunikida tells atsushi not to question it and then they just move on. its very obvious that asagiri wrote it this way because it was supposed to be a gag, but seemed completely unaware of the completely godawful implications of this situation just because its happening to a man. junichirou is visibly uncomfortable in all of these scenes, its heavily implied that theres a lack of consent beyond just the scenes on screen, and then its never brought up again because its supposed to be a "joke"

i dont know. i just wanted to point this out because from my personal perspective as a man whose also a victim of sexual harassment, particularly from a family member, this is the way it came off to me and ive been thinking about this for a bit. dont idolize asagiri thats the moral of the story here mans weird as shit

[solitaryhome]

mw

ok im not tagging this because i do not want to discourse with anyone i just have a lot of thoughts i wanted to get off my chest about MOUTHWASHING! and how people treat the characters, in this case anya. wrote it up on discord earlier but i wanted to actually archive it. if u see no issues with what im about to describe its like whatever, i dont think u are stupid or bad at media or anything, this is MY viewpoint. spoilers for the game + mentions of rape/suicide

so i saw a drawing on tumblr today of anya with a halo of the sunset screen, with curly, daisuke, and swansea all leaning against her, and holding the horse fetus. and it was captioned "mary of tulpar". and it just really really bothered me. and i think the reasons it bothered me are the same reason basically all the art i've seen of her has bothered me. i'm going to try and be very careful with how i word this because i do not want it to be misconstrued. i just think that the fans have done this thing where they do not know how to approach her identity as a victim and so they figuratively (or literally in this drawing) make her into the virgin mary. where she is a symbol, and a symbol that has been hurt and tainted, but not a person who has a right to feel any way about it. just a symbol that the other (male) characters can lean on (LITEARLLY IN THIS CASE) for strength. there is this seeming consensus that in some way her rape has elevated her (?) and made her into this saint-figure. i do not think this is done intentionally but it is done consistently. it just makes me feel really weird because truly we are turning her into a martyr which does not seem to me like a responsible way of handling the character. like you are defining her entire character on her victimhood. which the game already plays into (one of my issues with it) but the thing is, fanwork inherently lets you give a NEW lens to a story. and yet i swear the fans are OBSESSED with her suffering even moreso than the narrative itself is. like to them she is her suffering. and its a horror game. like obviously that's the point. and obviously in the game she has a 'bad ending'. but i'm sorry i honestly feel like her 'bad ending' is a BETTER angle to focus on for her character. again going to word this carefully but the thing is about anya's suicide is that she does win against jimmy. liike you obviously don't want to say that about someone killing themselves but within the context of this story her death was a victory & took the power out of his hands.

[villanevehaus]

tagged by @thenelse to list 8 shows to get to know me better. thank u mutual Then Else it's always lovely to be tagged by u <3 these aren't in any particular order but here we go

1.sharp objects is the seminal haus tv show, the book even moreso. gillian flynn writes female characters and protagonists in a way that is just gritty and gross and as whole characters who make mistakes and have grudges and shitty opinions. as a bitch who used to self harm, used to have substance abuse issues, and used to have a horrendous relationship with returning to my childhood home, i had never seen all of those issues wrapped into one traumatized character before, let alone a woman! the show is shot in a way that deliberately highlights the messy and seemingly nonsensible ways that trauma influences people and all of it is just!!! she just like me fr!!!

2. bojack horseman (stick with me here) is important to me in ways that i really cant articulate in an ask so i will just list things that come to mind about it: cycles of familial abuse and inherited trauma, the clutch that addiction can and does have on people (he just like me fr), complex grief, the way that mental illness and mental anguish do not make sense, people-pleasing as a means of self-destruction, acts that cannot be forgiven being committed by your loved ones and navigating that going forward, committing the unforgivable yourself and needing to find a way to move forward, the consequences of your own actions, grudges, self-preservation, asexuality, being in your 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s, change as an individual, stagnation as an individual, and the way that watching bojack horseman is impossible to pitch because how do you pitch a show about an alcoholic cartoon horse and his friends princess carolyn, mister peanutbutter, lernernerner dicarpricorn, and bobo the zebra as something that addresses all those previous things i just listed.

3. madmen is so sleek and stylish and well made that every time i think about it too much i end up watching the whole thing again. the way that they capture sunlight and daylight through high-rise buildings also makes me a little insane ngl. the music and the camera movements and the pacing and the costumes are just so consistent! it's perfect background noise and it's perfect deliberate watching. i think for me this falls under the personal because my mum loved it but passed away before the finale so every time i finish it i think about what she might have thought about it.

4. wentworth has some of the most consistent character writing that i have ever come across. i haven't finished it for homosexual reasons (only watched s1-s5) but there are character actions from the pilot that come into play late s5. there are so many instances of a character making a choice that you loathe and can't believe they're making not because they wouldn't, but because that's exactly what they would do in said instance. also, women! fat women trans women ugly women women of colour indigenous women grieving women angry women vicious women soft women alcoholic women gay women bisexual women abused women abusive women elderly women young young young women screaming women vengeful women broken women healing women determined women violent women. the relationships between all sorts of women! mentor and mentee, mother and child, inmate and guard, boss and employee, new girlfriend and old girlfriend, loyalty to the point of ruination, stalking, coercion, use, resentment, rivalry!!! it makes me crazy

5. killing eve s1&2 were so so so special. s3 and s4 had their moments and i will not say more than that but characters like eve and villanelle hadn't been seen before and i doubt will be seen in the future. i also have +500k words of fic written about them so i feel like im contractually obligated to mention it

6. the good place ohhh the good place !!! the good place said how can we fault people who want to be good but were born into circumstances where they cannot be!!! there is always good to be found in trying to help others!!! what matters is if people are trying to be better than they were the previous day!!! how can we hold it against people who are not given kindness and love and support!!! the fact that life ends is what makes living it so beautiful!!! i am going to start crying

7. futurama was there for me in a lot of ways when i didn't have much else that was as stable as that 9:30pm timeslot. there is a lot of negative things/criticisms that i could and often do say about it but there are a few very special moments from a few very special episodes that mean enough to me that i still hold it dearly: the opera. the story that follows fry's brother naming his son after fry and how that son went on to be the first man on mars. when leela has the bee sting and wakes up from her coma and sees that fry has been waiting for her. when fry is given the opportunity to go into his sleeping mother's dream (from a time when she was alive- there's time travel, kind of, it's a whole thing. at this point she's long dead) and says "i have so much to tell you" before just looking at her and pulling her into a bruising hug. as someone who frequently has dreams in which i am able to speak to my deceased mum, that will never fail to make me cry.

8. arrested development sucks so bad but goddamnit if it isn't also the wildest and most absurd shit to exist. i reblogged a post the other day that was about it's impact on culture and it's true!!! "it's one banana Michael, what could it cost? ten dollars?", "dead dove: do not eat", "well, i don't want to blame it on 9/11, but that certainly didn't help", "good for her", "i don't understand the question and i won't respond to it", "oh mercy me, i forgot that were in the colonies!" ALL being from the same show?? insane. the humour of arrested development is absolutely coloured by the time it was made in but holy shit all of it is so sharp and hysterical. also the fact that sometimes if you're trying to explain a joke to someone who hasn't watched it you have to go on an insane tangent that is 100% just the events of the show that happened but it sounds completely nonsensical is [chefs kiss]

tagging @herbeloveve @lesbian-hannibal (ur url has made me realize i forgot nbc hannibal but im already here so NBC hannibal is an honourable 9th choice) @killinganya @killbillieve @horrid-queer @agaywithcoffee @annnnperkins and anyone else who wants to!!

[geastherat]

nope ur also wrong. if u dont wanna see it, unfollow. sending someone a message asking them not to post their own body on their own blog without a label for ur own personal boundaries is a buck wild thing to do wtf. that's a u problem.

usually i dont,, post about this on here but im moreso talking about how, when youre scrolling through a specific content tag, nsfw posts will still be there untagged and unlabeled as nsfw - even if youre not following them

and yes, you can block them, you can block their tags (if they have them, because a shocking amount of people dont) but some people can be sensitive to content like that from trauma or experiences they dont want to relive

tldr - dont report it, because that almost never has the best outcome, just block, unfollow, and spread awareness of how important it is to tag your shit correctly

if you still think me wrong, we can discuss this in dms, because im happy to hear your point of view. however i dont think anyones ever in the wrong for asking someone to tag their content properly

[milos-journal]

OO OO OO i have things to say abt this. and this is not an attack on u at all op, moreso a launching point to talk abt my take on this (since my blog is a t12-heavy one)

so i mostly agree w this until we get to the tags (for context, these are the tags. if u cant read em well there is an alt text)

first, tw for adam, his actions (and the triggers applying to them) and t12 for the rest of this post. im on mobile rn so i cant put a cut but imagine one here.

t12 is imo one of the rare cases where we cant exactly be.. divorcable 100%? you can and you cant. i think the course of action best taken is moreso “intake the media but don’t fully death-of-the-author it. keep in mind what he’s done and how that affects his series”

like, for a more lighthearted example, adam was definitely into selfcest, which im not gonna discourse abt the morals of that thats just a thing that was there and on the table. so its not shocking he had noah interact w versions of himself so often.

adam was into kidnapping, stalking, glasses and stripes (no i cant explain any of those). so observers Everything is not a shock.

adam often used t12 and noah maxwells character as a springboard to groom young, impressionable people and even take advantage of full grown adults, so its understandable WHY people dont like adam and hence dont like noah OR tribetwelve. a lot of adams fetishes and personal ideals were all over it.

adam glorified noahs character for a reason, even if he claimed it was the “worst parts of himself as a character”. it clearly wasnt, why else would he have spent time in milos journal for milo to praise the character, and wouldnt have written noah to be sympathetic. he took critiques on noahs character to be critiques on himself so he said noah was the worst parts of him to make him look better. adam doesnt EXACTLY equal noah but the two DO deliberately overlap a lot, and its important to keep that in mind when approaching the character. but at the same time BECAUSE adam was so connected to noah, the character felt very real to a lot of people. a lot of noah being “dumb” is very reasonable reactions to me considering half the story noahs deeply stressed and the other half he’s being told the world is on his shoulders.

on that note, theres still a lot to enjoy about the series! tribetwelve is still a series thats not half bad. it had good editing, fun imagery/symbolism and intruiging charaxters (even if adam didnt know how to write them). i ESPECIALLY think the fan community that prior existed (and still kind of does, even if barely alive) made the series. i noticed a LOT of stereotypically “weird kids” gravitated towards tribetwelve and hence it made an UNBREAKABLE community. even if a lot of people left the sv community after adam was outed, a lot of those people still held long-lasting friendships because of the series. and to say none of those things arent there would be a fucking shame.

people LOVED tribetwelve for a reason, even if most people considered it stand alone not that great (because lets be real some parts of it are just. not that great.) but to watch t12 and not be able to know just what it caused and the influence adam had on its creation is to not address the elephant in the room.

again, this is not an attack on op or their opinion. there is no right way to consume media. this is just a point ive wanted to get out my thoughts for a while but never knew when to get it out or fully express it and i feel like a discussion NEEDS to be had in sv, especially t12, on consuming content made by problematic people, especially if the content can be seen as problematic in itself. my point is, you can mostly divorce tribetwelve. keyword mostly. but people have to acknowlege some of what is put into tribetwelve is disturbing (cough cough NAZIS cough) and the series itself has a poor track record of being used to take advantage of minors, so some people just do NOT want to acknowlege it. however it also holds artistic merit as any piece of media does and has created a strong, tight-knit community thats almost completely morphed the series itself. and both of these are okay and CAN coexist and are imo very decent takes to have! and at the end of the day, maybe tribetwelve was just the friends we made along the way.

thank u for coming to my ted talk (first longform post ive made in a while)

i think its really unfortunate when people ignore tribetwelve now because the creator sucks. tribetwelve is awesome as hell with insane visuals and it doesnt deserve that

[lovingnekoma]

literally just some of my fav haikyuu/bnha/jjk blogs & why

i’m sad and anxious and my coping mechanisms are being honest about my feelings and nice to people but these are truly some of my fav blogs atm, very tried & true. these are not all my fav blogs ofc, i have so so so many! just some i’d like to give a shoutout to today, and i will continue this series to continue to praise more blogs too hehe <3

also, a lot of these reasons may be “vibes” and that’s bc vibes/energy is important as hell for me to feel comfy and safe on a blog lmao

@sugardaddykenma: you already know lin was gonna be on here. my queen of shitposts, i bow at her feet. she’s funny. she roasts people. the serotonin and memes are on her blog are quality content, unmatched by society. also, seeing snippets of political theory piques my interest as a social justice/global issues/anthropology hoe and it’s really cool?? lmao kinda unrelated, but genuinely is making me think about getting into policy. her shitposts live in my head rentfree and i soulmate-ship her and aone.

@atsumuse: come on. lay’s writing is immaculate, spicy, pussy-clenching...... the power she has in making my flip switch from sad af to horny af. literally, the vibes are so on point and chill and funny. i am always so shy to interact but lay never disappoints. idk. the energy? the vibes? kinda hot, a good time, idk i love it on her blog. also the gojou thirst? her theme? pop off, you legend

@lovingseijoh: LISTEN. clare’s blog is the definition of immaculacy. full of gems. the posts? the theme? clare? unparalleled deity shit right there, baby. i go on it for quality content, then end up liking so many posts that i have to go through my “likes” to rapidly reblog stuff in order to like more posts. her original content is so so fucking good and she’s genuinely so nice & warm to her anons. gives me big sis vibes <3

@inkykeiji: quite literally the only mostly-bnha-dedicated blog i ever go onto, tbh. clari also gives me sweet older sis vibes, is always the nicest to her anons, and truly just puts in so much time & effort into answering every ask and writing very well-written stories. i have not watched bnha but i definitely binge-read some of her series and got soft daddy shig thoughts stuck in my head on repeat from her 10/10 writing.

@heyhinata: cal’s fanart reblogs do not miss but neither do her captions or original posts. she’s truly so sweet and cool (imagine building a pc?? monarch shit right there) and so so so easy to talk to and warm and welcoming towards her anons. i cannot sing enough praises about how much her theme slaps (& her carrd!! did not get a chance to hop on and tell you how cool it looks yet but it looks great omg) and how great the energy is on there.

@iwaasfairy: i keep sending my partner your writing as ref for what i read for porn and he greatly appreciates it. i just love your energy in your asks, you remember so many diff anons & are so thoughtful, and i also love how fucking hard your writing goes. also just appreciate the sharing bits of vulnerability or openness about your mental state with us anons, and i kin your “awake 24/7” habits hard. the vibes r strong and you just seem like a beautiful person who cares about loving characters and is always so easy to talk to

@stonersugawara: hit or miss, they really never miss huh?? i read their shitposts religiously but the minute it hit timeskip hinata i was a goner. quality content of the highest regard. my lungs are fulled with endorphins and laughter. this is slightly delirious because i slept nothing last night but just know i love you, your vibes, and clicked “follow” while reading your navi post alone. that’s on being too powerful

@samuslut: my brain is in shambles from having to form coherent sentences but your energy is so great and fun to me, and your thirst posts and drabbles and work have me literally salivating. i am on my knees for your kita fic, and you have turned me into more of an osamu whore than i already was. also — “wing”?? that’s so cool, you’re so cool. you give me cool person vibes and have beautiful, sexy, amazing writing that i thank you for sharing & blessing me with

@atsumusc0ck: zinkie, your social issues post are so important, your vibes are immaculate, and the cursed memes are unparalleled. i could truly not describe the amount of caring personality and glorious energy in your blog alone. i would need to be typing this at 3am using every cursed tumblr reference and meme while channeling kunimi/suna style vibes and being in beautiful love. you are the embodiment of so many good things and i hope you’re happy always.

[our-hextech-dream]

i'd like to chime in on the viktor post, since it also became a bit of a viktor analysis: one thing that sort of came to my attention re: LoL vs Arcane is that in LoL, i think he's a fun antagonist. but when i watched arcane, i didn't know anything about LoL viktor. i absolutely adored his arc in Arcane; i felt like he wasn't reduced to his disability, he was extremely competent,and while he was definitely hindered by his disability, it wasn’t, like. This horrible, terrible burden he 1/?

suffered from and longed to be free of. He was an intelligent and brilliant inventor, and he also needed to use a cane. and i think that even though he made a mistake with the hexcore, it felt very much like jayce's actions killing a child. in the way that their actions, while they were mistakes, did not make them villains. they were still heroic, even if they made mistakes, because they were humbled due to their hubris and chose to learn from it. which i ADORE. but after reading up LoL lore i'm side-eyeing season two. so far the writing for the characters has been incredibly nuanced and satisfying for me, so i’m not SUPER worried, but i’m hoping that they don’t take viktor to quite the extremes of LoL viktor. I don’t know all of LoL’s lore, but as far as i can tell, Viktor didn’t have the same disabilities Arcane Viktor does -- and i’m a bit wary that they might turn him into a villain on the level of silco. Still nuanced, but certainly not very heroic. And disabled people so rarely get to be heroes! By all means, Viktor creating assistance devices using Hextech until he’s able to basically achieve the same physical feats as able bodied people would be great; but i also don’t want it to be like ‘look he’s cured now ayyy!’ i really hope that instead of that, he and jayce become more like ‘heroes on opposite sides’. LoL Viktor does have some of that nuance (like trying to save the catatonic people with the crystal), but i want that even moreso in Arcane.

i think if the discussion with @hexhomos taught me anything it's that LoL viktor can be a really subtle and multifaceted character! he can also be a mustache twirling villain in some of the 'side' league stories, but given my own comics fandom background i'm perfectly happy viewing that kind of stuff as sort of... dubiously canon. canon when i want it to be to make a point, noncanon when its annoying or breaks my interpretation of a character, lmao.

on the one hand, i wouldn't worry too much (which you said you haven't been) because the writers have done great so far and i don't see any reason that would suddenly change. on the other, arcane was created to tell the story of vi and jinx - everyone else is an afterthought, added because it makes sense for them to be there and they can add to the story, but they're not the focal points. so i can definitely see a portion of fans being disappointed because they feel like viktor didn't get the narrative focus they feel he would have needed to make his turn believable, and this is gonna be the loud portion of 'viktor ooc' fans, if i had to make an educated guess.

(i know i keep bringing up loki in the tags but i'm. so serious. treat the mcu fandom as a case study for this because i have been watching the exact same arguments play out again in real time. 'avengers loki didn't have a believable enough reason to become a villain therefore he's ooc' because we didn't get to see him explicitly tortured by thanos - it was implied, though. they spent exactly as much time on it as was necessary to give us the information we needed without taking the focus away from the actual main characters! i see arcane doing something similar with viktor and the hexcore. the writers are trusting us to be smart enough to pick up on the cues.)

re: his disabilities - we all need to be aware that empowering for me is not necessarily empowering for thee. there are going to be people who disagree with viktor's outcome no matter how arcane chooses to portray it or what they end up doing with his physical disabilities. cure him, don't cure him, lose the focus on his disabilities altogether, continue to focus on them even after his turn, let him keep his humanity, let him go full hal 9000; either way there are going to be people with perfectly valid points who will think they should have done the opposite. i hope that people can come to terms with all possible outcomes before s2 comes out, get cool with the idea that their ideal viktor may not be the one that arcane wants or needs. no matter what we may feel would be 'realistic', we have to keep in mind that he's a fictional character with a role to play in a story, and they're gonna make him play that part no matter how they have to get him there.

[briankang]

i saw that ask you mentioned me in (you're so right btw!!) and even though i literally just woke up i am now In My Feelings about lee know. the thing that pisses me off about the "meanhoe" nickname and the way that some stays treat him is that, and i've said this in the tags of a lot of 2kr gifsets before, but me and lee know have the exact same personality. call it Scorpio Things or whatever, but when it comes to showing affection to the people we care about, lee know and me are exactly the same. i noticed it the most during the 2kr episode with him and chan, watching it felt so familiar because it was like every close friendship i've ever had - the other person would be acting all cute and clingy and i'd be like 🙄😒 but actually i'd appreciate a lot and in return i'd just like...... take care of them? we're the mum friends, like we're ride or die and we'll look after you and we'll love you forever but we're also going to complain about it the entire time. so when those stays act like lee know is actually genuinely being mean and cold it extra breaks my heart because it's so obvious to me that he's not. me and lee know look cold on the outside but on the inside we're made up entirely of heart emojis, we're like cats that show we love you by sitting quietly in the same room as you. and the fact that stays have even said it to him?? like actually told him on vlive that they think he's mean??? unthinkable, that must be so upsetting for him ☹ obviously the members understand him and love him and know that when he's being sassy or threatening their lives he doesn't actually mean it so like, how can people calling themselves a stay not get that? when it's so obviously the case??? idk man

and oh my god don't even get me started on how some stays see hyunjin (i am begging yt creators stop using the same clips from 3 years ago to show that he's a drama queen) and chan (holy shit i have to turn the chat off when i watch chan's room because i cannot believe what people actually say to him) and felix (i know i call him cute all the time but he's my ult so it extra pisses me off when people just straight up treat him like a literal child, and why is it always from stays who are younger than him??) but this ask is already become a novel and i haven't even had breakfast yet 😅

LKSDJGLKDSGKL i need u to know i mean this in a positive way. thank god someone else is willing to write novels about this shit i feel less alone now KLEWJDSGLKDSJGJLKK BUT NO!!!!!!!!!! LITERALLY EVERYTHING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok but ur so right about the scorpio thing bc some of my favorite people are scorpios (maybe its bc its also my rising sign) and this is. just how y'all are (affectionate) i love it sm....it's so fun to play off of esp as a libra (christopher and i act the exact same way LEKSDJGLKJLK like. ok astrology is not real but also.........)!!!!!!!!!! wait i had no idea people actually said that to him i feel................lol at people who just say shit like that to those boys there's NO tact and ONCE AGAIN!!!!!! acting like they're not people!!!!!!!!!!! WITH EMOTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

lksdjglkdsjlk i always turn off chat if i happen to catch chans room but i usually dont watch (not bc of him obviously but) bc he always at some point reads smth so off the wall that makes me wonder who let these people have internet access there is NO filter!!!!! at all!!!!!!! the best moments end up in gifsets anyways i trust u all to filter out to pull out the best LJDSLGKLDSK but omg.....i had already made my last ask too long but felix.........god he gets. some of the weirdest mix sometimes i want to do a study and dissect the brains of some of these people. a lot of people tend to baby him and jeongin (but...not seungmin which is ????????) and i know its bc they have a generally cuter vibe (i usually will be like ah!!!!!! there's my son!!!!! but i'm....5-6 years older than them so its moreso affectionate.......like baby brothers y'know) but......some people will literally act like those boys are not young men in their 20s who are v capable of taking care of themselves AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT IN THAT IT DOES COME FROM PEOPLE USUALLY YOUNGER???? i do not understand it. again. i want to study these people under a microscope

but also i hope u have a good morning LKSJGLKSDJLKSD I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[reidsmissmatchedsocks]

sexuality headcanons for the bau!!

hotch - this man screams bisexual to me and i dont even know why. he just gives off the vibe. i feel like he has a preference for women but still very much loves men. emily was the first person he came out to (gideon had known but he found out on accident when hotch forgot to change the pronouns while talking abt an ex) since he knew he could trust her with that sort of thing after she came out to the team. shortly after haley died he decided he was tired of hiding this part of himself and came out to the rest of the bau, starting w rossi and then telling reid, morgan, garcia and jj at the same time. they were all very supportive and garcia gave him a little bi pride flag for his desk :)

emily - gayest bitch in the whole show. this woman takes wlw simping to a whole new level w the yearning shes been doing for jj for the last decade. she came out to the team very randomly while they were out at a bar. she slapped her hand on the table and said loudly, “id just like u all to know im a homosexual” and then walked out. everyone was kinda dumbfounded at first but obviously very supportive and happy she felt comfortable enough to tell them. she goes to pride every year and owns a lot of lesbian pride flags. morgan always laughs at her and teases her whenever he sees her obviously checking out someone and is happy he has someone to comfortably talk to abt girls. she gives the guys dating advice claiming shes “the master of dating women” even tho it took her over ten years to build up the courage to ask out jj. rossi finds this fact very funny

garcia - this woman is pan and u cannot tell me otherwise. fuck gender she loves everyone and is only interested in a persons amazing personality (since she prides herself on her ability to judge character) and how willing they are to flirt in public and how much they enjoy pda. garcia never really felt the need to come out assuming everyone just knew already but after emily came out she decided to keep a set of pride flags in her office and she has a pan flag on one of the walls plus an array of different pan themed things. one day rossi asked what the flag was for and she went in detail explaining different sexualities, flags and the significance. she finds the history super interesting and loves going to pride. she also wheres a little pan pride button on her shirts everyday because she thinks it looks nice :D

morgan - bisexual man. do i have to say any more? he never really came out but after seeing him flirt w enough guys while they were out everyone got the point. has a mini pride flag on his desk he got from garcia and a matching flag pin he wears on his shirts most days. he goes to pride w garcia and spencer every year

rossi - unlabled!! hes mostly had relationships w women but that doesnt mean exclusively. he likes men sometimes and has had relationships w them in the past but hes not quite sure which label fits him and thats okay!! hes never specifically stated his preference or sexuality to any of the others but they wouldnt be surprised if he got a bf, moreso surprised he got into a relationship at all

reid - biromantic demisexual!!! it took reid a long time to figure himself out, getting bullied a lot through school w various slurs thrown at him every day not helping. once he was in college he started to realize his attraction to both men and women and it scared him. he also felt like he was wrong for not wanting hookups or flings, he couldn’t understand the appeal. he pushed away a lot of his feelings, too scared of judgement from other people. that changed when he got to the bau tho, he had a family who loved and. supported him and he started to realize maybe it wasnt just him who felt this way. he ended up opening up to garcia after finding out shes pan and she lets him no they love him no matter what and theres nothing wrong w him. she helps him explore labels until he figures out which ones fit and gives him advice on coming out. he comes out to morgan first, hotch soon after, then emily, jj and rossi. they all are super supportive and loving ofc and reassure him that nothing can change their feelings towards him. theyre family.

jj - jj is bisexual!! she is obviously in love w emily but she also was in love w will for a long time. she never came out to the team officially but they all knew and she kept small bi pride things around her office. shes generally less of a gay mess than the rest of them but she definitely has her moments. she goes to pride every couple years w emily and sometimes hotch if they can convince him to tag along. she figured it out at a young age and never rlly doubted her feelings, just being happy w herself. she loves herself and her identity

[whumpqin]

Quinn - Chapter 1 (This Wasn’t the Plan)

Hello all! It’s been a while since I’ve posted some of my own writing. I’ve decided to make a side story to Elisha, which is what this is! I hope yall are interested in some Quinn whump >:3c

Taglist: (considering this is a similar but also different series, I’m tagging Elisha’s people, but feel free to want to be removed from this taglist! I will make sure to make the difference.) @faewhump​ @galaxywhump​ @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​ @insanitywishes​ @burtlederp​ @whumpasaurus101​ @simplygrimly​ (ask if you want tagged!)

CW: nonhuman whumpee, creepy whumper, muzzles, forced muzzling, fantasy racism, kidnapping, smoking, guns, briefly mentioned assassination attempt, manhandled, getting patted down, gut punching, drugging, needles

Word Count: 2,799

It’s a dull ringing that rouses him from his sleep - an annoying tone that he’d sworn to fix and still hasn’t gotten around to.

Quinn groans at the rude awakening, and rolls his head over to see why it was going off by planting his hand on his phone and dragging it closer. It reads unknown against a background of black. Despite the annoyance that makes his tail curl lazily in his bed, he still swipes his finger across the bottom to answer it, bringing it up to his ear.

“Hello?”

The other side of the line is quiet for a moment, before a gruff voice, a little lower than Quinn expects, speaks. “This number was provided in relation to contacting a ‘Quinn Devereux’. Is this who I’m speaking to?”

“This is he,” Quinn says, sliding his blankets off of him, confusion lighting his voice.

“I am calling on behalf of my employer, Mr. Delaney, who has arrived at the meeting place. Except, it does not appear that you are there. I do hope you plan to be on schedule, yes?”

Ah, hell.

Quinn sits up in the bed quickly as alarm saps all the weight from his body. “Uh, of course not! ‘Pologies, I was plannin’ on makin’ it a uh…” he pauses to bring his phone down and note the time, which is about ten ‘til nine. Shit, shit shit- “a little earlier than this. Same place, right? That old abandoned house?”

“Yes. Don’t be late, Quinn. We wouldn’t want this deal going south, now would we?”

“‘Course! I mean, I-'' The phone makes a beeping noise to indicate that the other side hung up, stopping Quinn in his tracks. He looks down at it to be sure, before heaving a large sigh. It’s going to be one of those days it seems.

He needs to work fast. Firstly Quinn rifles through his apartment for nice-ish looking clothes, and though he’s never bought a suit and swears that he’s not going to no matter how much his Ma tells him to, he finds one of the newer button-up shirts that he bought recently. He scans its surface in case it magically had gathered stains on it while sitting in his dresser drawer in exile, but considering he only wore it once for a job interview he figures it’ll do the trick. He slips it on and finds some day old jeans that don’t smell too awful before he takes a look at himself in the mirror.

He’s a little worse for wear, but at a quick glance it’s only those faint dark circles underneath his eyes that catches his attention the most. Quinn combs through his black hair with his fingers, flattening it to look more presentable while also unhooking strands that wrap around his antlers and the bright orange tag against his ear. He pauses there, looking himself up and down.

Bedraggled and half awake, in clothes that are only somewhat clean. Going to a shady place to make a shady deal on behalf of people he barely knows.

“You can do this,” he quietly tells his reflection as he leans against the sink. “Get in, get out, get paid. Get in, get out, get paid.”

He repeats the phrase a few more times, committing it to memory on his way out. He picks up the handwritten letter he’d left on the small table at the front door and stuffs it into his front pocket. Then Quinn grabs onto his muzzle, slipping the buckles around his antlers to fasten it loosely against his face.

As he walks out of his apartment and onto the street, he makes the mistake of checking his phone one he’s properly in the morning light. It reads five minutes before his meeting, and he still has a ways to walk yet. Quinn lets out an exasperated sigh, eyes falling upwards to the adjacent apartment complex. It’s there he notes some curtains quickly shutter closed. His eyes narrow.

There’s someone watching you. Real strange fellow, he remembers the considerate old lady from down the hall telling him.

Tell me something I don’t know, he had responded. Quinn wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out it was just his employer keeping a good and proper eye on information.

To make up for time, he runs. Quinn dips into the alleyways to escape the busy streets of the morning, taking a few turns that he’s become familiar with while walking through the streets. A couple turns here and there, and he exits out onto another main street very close to his destination. He counts himself lucky he remembers the address at all. It would have been embarrassing as hell to have to ask the guy on the phone where he was supposed to have this meeting in the first place.

Quinn jogs up to the specific house, noting the old “for sale” sign that doesn’t even have a number on it anymore. It’s a huge place, once a mansion that was abandoned a long time ago because of bad press or something. He’s never looked at it before; even looking as ruined as it is by time, the place is still out of his price range.

He knocks on the door politely, taking the small pause to smooth out his clothes in a last ditch effort to not look like he had just gotten up a little bit ago, and waits patiently. The door creaks open with several years’ old whine that makes him wince, squinting one eye while he notices a human, dressed in dark clothing with short brown hair and amber eyes, staring back at him. Due to the muzzle making him unable to speak, Quinn offers a small wave before hovering his pinkie over his mouth and thumb over his ear, then pointing to the man. The human offers no reaction, but merely steps to the side. He takes the cue and steps inside the house.

It’s not as majestic as he once thought it might be. It hasn’t been taken care of in ages; the wallpaper is peeling off of the walls and there are holes in the floor, and the more Quinn steps through the house and hears it creak in response to him the more he wonders if the whole thing is going to cave in on him. It’s practically a deathtrap at this point.

He tries to make his reservations known to the human with a pause, knitting his brows in an uncomfortable position as he shoots a glance back at him, but he doesn't get the message.

The human opens up an old door for him that Quinn peeks around. There’s another human sitting in a chair in the middle of the living room, his legs crossed as he reclines into his seat. There’s a cigarette in one hand trailing smoke into the air, filling the room with its scent. His dirty blonde hair was perfectly styled like his fancy suit, and the only thing that didn’t look put together was the rough stubble against his chin.

The man who greeted Quinn closes the door behind both of them and steps around, joining another man with different hair behind the reclining human’s chair. The human in the chair - the boss he’s supposed to speak to, he supposes, flicks out his left wrist to check his watch almost casually. Then, he looks to Quinn with that icy blue stare of his.

“Right on time, it seems,” he says. Quinn tries not to let the dual feelings of discomfort and relief wash over his face too plainly. The man motions to a table he hadn’t seen yet. “Please, take off that muzzle. We can’t talk business if, well, you can’t talk, now can we?”

At his behest, Quinn slides his fingers up to the buckles against his head to loosen them and pull the muzzle off of his face. As it’s drawn away he takes a moment to work his jaws, careful not to bare his teeth too much in the presence of other humans, just in case. Then he places the muzzle on the table.

“Thanks for that. Are you uh, Mr. Delaney?” Quinn asks.

“Yes. I believe you have a message for me?” Delaney sits up in his chair and takes a long drag of his cigarette.

“Uh, yes, I do, I-” As Quinn reaches into his pocket to pull out the letter he’d been given, both of the humans to Delaney’s left and right immediately pull out guns and aim them directly at him. His chest goes cold. “Whoa, whoa, I’m just pullin’ out a letter!”

Delaney brays out a chuckle, puffing out smoke like some sort of dragon. “You’ll have to forgive these two. A bit jumpy after the last attempt, especially with lone messengers like you. Can never be too careful. You understand, right?” His eyes are squinted from his friendly smile, but there’s an emptiness in them that makes Quinn uncomfortable. Moreso when he waves his free hand towards Quinn and tells the guards to, “search him.”

The two bodyguards step forward without putting their guns away. Quinn swallows and stays perfectly still just like his Pa always told him to, allowing the two to move his arms about and go through his pockets. It’s a bit awkwardly invasive with two sets of hands patting him down like they are, but he’d rather have his personal space invaded than, well, the other outcome. The guards dig into all of his pockets, pulling up his wallet and the letter that had come from Quinn’s employer.

The human who found the letter gives Quinn a side eye that makes him draw a blank in terms of words, before opening the letter himself. He draws out the paper that was carefully handwritten and placed, unfolding it like it was a bomb of some sort.

Quinn was watching him like a hawk, so much so that he didn’t notice the other human had stepped away and given his wallet to Delaney.

“So, Quinn, it seems. You’ll have to forgive me for not remembering, it’s hard to remember everyone’s name nowadays. What brings you to this type of work, huh?” Delaney went on, rifling through Quinn’s wallet with curiosity.

“Um, I-I needed the money,” he mutters, watching the bodyguards hand the letter off to Delaney. “For the record, my employer thought it’d look wrong to bring more people besides, well, me. Wants to be cordial an’ all.” It’s not really his message, but he can’t help but feel a bubbling nervous feeling in his stomach as Delaney reads the letter.

“You mean he doesn’t want to lose any more men, so he figured I’d take mercy on just the messenger,” Delaney cooly corrects.

“Well I’m not sure what my employer’d think, but I’d for sure want the messenger t’ be spared,” Quinn says in the attempt at a joke.

When no one in the room laughs, he curls his tail around his ankle.

Delaney huffs a small bit of laughter as he reaches the end of the letter, beginning to slowly rip it up into little pieces and shoving it into his nice suit. “Quinn, do you know what happens when you give someone an inch?”

“They take a mile?” He swallows as the human stands up from his chair and adjusts his cufflinks.

“Yes, good, at least you’re not totally brain dead like some I’ve seen. I’m not about to relent and give that man a fraction of space like he’s requesting. You of all people should know that this is my territory, right? Where I do my business?”

“Right, but-” His breath hitches when the guard next to him grabs onto his shoulders and holds him before he can step forward. “This agreement is so they won’t encroach, is all. Wouldn’t it’d be better to not have any more territory disputes?”

Delaney regards him for a moment, having to tilt his head upwards just slightly due to Quinn’s height. Then he smiles a bit more widely. “I don’t think we’ll be making a deal today. But… I think we’ll take care of it from here. When are you meeting with your employer again?”

“As, as soon as I can.” Quinn’s eyes frantically look around for an exit as the other bodyguard closes in. He needs to get out of here. Now. “I’ll uh, leave you to it then, I guess. Sorry we couldn’t come to some sorta agreement-”

“Let me at least escort you out. My treat,” Delaney offers with an extended hand towards the door.

“Um, I ‘preciate the offer, but, I actually have a uh, a few things to tend to after this, so-”

The bodyguard holding him delivers a solid blow to his middle, knocking the air out of him in one fell swoop. Quinn doubles over, held up only by the strong hands gripping onto his shirt now, gasping to fill his lungs quickly.

“Perhaps I wasn’t very clear. I wasn’t asking, Quinn.” Delaney tilts his head to the side to catch his eye. “I’m not about to let you blab about everything you saw here just yet. Need a few things in order, you know? I just need to know if you’re coming with me willingly, or if my men need to get involved.”

“Hold… hold on a minute now,” he says quickly and yet still breathless as the panic wells in his chest instead of the oxygen he desperately needed. “I’m, I’m just a messenger, I’m not- what-what are you doing?”

Delaney had sighed and looked to his other body guard while Quinn was talking. He points over to the muzzle lying on the table and flicks his hand. “Muzzle him. I don’t have time to deal with his blabbering.”

Quinn’s arms are wrestled behind him before he can realize. The bodyguard is stronger than he thought, and he holds him still long enough for the other one to draw close enough, muzzle in hand. He struggles, lifting his head out of their reach and kicking his legs out to delay the inevitable. One of them grabs his antlers, jerking his head downwards for long enough that they can wrap the buckles around his face. They’re affixed tightly against his face, muffling most of the panicked cries erupting from his throat beyond whines.

“Enough of that whining,” he hears from Delaney as a firm command. He glances over with terrified eyes to see him pull a phone out of his pocket. “I have to make a call. Oh, you two, make sure to get him comfortable in the trunk, will you?”

The two humans nod, and drag him out of the room. Quinn screams as best he can through his nose, kicking his legs and struggling to get away from them as best he can. One of them spits out a curse, unhooking the gun from their side.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hisses. “I’m not dealing with a spitfire devil today. I’ll just shoot you and get it over with. You want that?” Quinn breathes hard and shakes his head frantically. “Then fucking act like it.”

They pull him out of the house with little issue after that. Quinn’s tail coils, tightening painfully against his ankle as it worries at the fabric and skin, as they approach a dark car with tinted windows. One of the bodyguards walks to the other side and pulls out a few items from the front seat, and Quinn can hear the clinking of chain along with it.

He’s suddenly thrust forward, and his face impacts against the side of the car. His bright eyes go wide, searching frantically for what’s happening, and then he feels metal tightly wrap around both of his wrists. Then he is taken from the side of the car to its back, as one of the bodyguards opens up the trunk. Quinn jerks against the cuffs holding his hands together, frustrated and scared tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

This can’t be happening, he thinks, looking at the interior of the trunk. His antlers are roughly grabbed again, dragging his head to the side. He can’t help but roll the thought around in his head, how this wasn’t supposed to be how it went, as something sharp sticks into the side of his neck. Quinn squirms, a muted whine slipping from his nose as a wave of dizziness hits him and his legs nearly buckle. The guards take the opportunity and throw him into the back of the trunk, and as Quinn lands with a harsh thud his vision blurs from the force of the impact.

“Get comfortable,” the one who cursed at him before remarks. “You’re gonna be with us for a while, I think.”

[its-sixxers]

5 OTP Songs - Nines/Mary

tagged by no one but i wanted to do this anyways for the two peeps i’m currently writing for c: if u wanna do the thing you know the drill, tag me!

This Mess We’re In - PJ Harvey & Thom Yorke | Gorecki - Lamb | Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs | Make it Wit Chu - Queens of the Stone Age | Mandy Love Theme · Jóhann Jóhannsson

Lyric chat below!

This Mess We’re In - PJ Harvey & Thom Yorke

Already fairly on the nose from the song title. I actually like this one for them for the use of sunrise/sunset symbology, the way the song is mostly Thom Yorke with Harvey echoing and interjecting - for me it feels like Nine’s view of their relationship before Mary’s Embrace with some foreshadowing of what is to come. Impossible dream And I have seen The sunrise over the river The freeway Reminding of

This mess we're in And ohh (the city sunset over me) Ohh (the city sunset over me)

Sunrise meaning destruction for Kindred, the sun setting over Mary and her life - good shit. I just wanna say (I just wanna say) (Don't ever change) Don't ever change now baby (And thank you) And thank you (I don't think we will meet again) I don't think we will meet again

Accurate for their last goodbye with Mary still human.

Before the sun rise (And the city landscape comes into view) Over the skyscrapers (Sweat on my skin, oh) The city

And they never meet ‘before the sunrise’ again - before Mary’s death. Idk I like this song with sunrise as a death metaphor for them. :V

Gorecki - Lamb 

Another fairly on the nose one, this moreso tilting to Mary’s point of view. It starting off quiet and minimalist before drumbeats and a driving force are incorporated mirror’s Mary’s own understanding of their relationship and her love for him - it’s a quiet hesitant little thing until it hits her in the face with full force, something she can’t hide anymore.

Could we stay right here Till the end of time until the earth stops turning Wanna love you until the seas run dry I've found the one I've waited for

Love when you’re immortal can be eternal - and when so many people are preaching about the Final Nights and end of the world, til the end of time starts sounding pretty realistic.

All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race

It takes Mary a little bit to remember her pre-Embrace life - it’s still not enough to sever the connection she feels for him, even if she doesn’t exactly know why.

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

Peak pining music. Mostly from Mary’s end - she loves someone who’s a figurehead and loved by many, but not in the way she feels she feels - she’s realizing her love isn’t hero worship but something altogether different. She doesn’t know how to make it clear without making herself vulnerable and the rejection terrifies her.

Wait, they don't love you like I love you

On its face it applies to Mary, but it’s also got an undercurrent with Nines too - in that he knows he’s not trying to manipulate her like so many other people and he’s terrified she’ll go to the Camarilla or end up dead from unseen politics. He wants to protect her even though it’s not logical. Turn the song from someone pining and afraid their love isn’t returned into someone praying the person they love makes the right choices and hey, two birds one stone.

Make it Wit Chu - Queens of the Stone Age 

Established relationship music. So on the nose I’ll just gesture at these.

You wanna know if I know why I can't say that I do Don't understand the you or I Or how one becomes two I just can't recall what started it off Or how to begin again I ain't here to break ya Just see how far it will bend Again and again, again and again

I wanna make it I wanna make it wit' chu Anytime, anywhere

Neither of them know why of all people it was the other, the line when they started being in love is blurred, and they’re hesitant every time they reunite - soon it melds into comfortable familiarity and they return to challenging each other, growing together.

Beyond that - the song’s pretty steamy, obviously, and while their relationship isn’t as sexual as it’d be were they human, it hasn’t cut down on the intensity of things at all.

The world might be ending and politics might tear them apart but they want to make it. :(

Mandy Love Theme · Jóhann Jóhannsson 

Total instrumental but I think tonally it’s perfect. Synths for Mary, guitar for Nines. A tender and melancholy little love song.

[siilvers-blog]

twinkie obession ;

pairing : peter maximoff x gn ! reader word count : 1 951 note : soulmate au where you can taste whatever your soulmate is eating at that moment . and my baby boy is too good for this world . i wanted to write something like more grandiose , but for now this dumb soulmate au will do ! feedback is appreciated <33 requests are super open btw so if u sent in any ,,, peter stuff ,,, we’d be grateful ( moreso me , but whatever haha !! ) - mod em ( under the cut for length ) 

For as long as you could remember, you’d feel the taste of twinkies in your mouth. When you were young, the taste would be occasional and welcome, but around your early teens it began to plague you every single day. Eventually, even looking at twinkies made you feel sick to your stomach and, god, you couldn’t understand how the hell your stupid soulmate could eat a whole batch of them every day. It was kind of admirable, the fact that they could eat the same exact thing so often and not throw up, but your burning hatred overshadowed whatever respect you had for them.

Hate would’ve been a strong word for the first month of non-stop twinkies, somehow you thought you’d manage. But one day it felt as if twinkies were all your soulmate was consuming. That, topped by a bad grade on one of your essays made you reduce your desk into ash in front of your whole class. And that was how you found out you were a mutant; the same exact day all your friends deemed you a freak (some friends) and the same exact day all you could taste were twinkies.

And it was safe to say you hated your soulmate. Which was fine. He’d hate you too if he knew you were a mutant.

You beat yourself up for years for being a mutant, refusing to interact with most people in fear you’d burn them as quickly as you burned your desk that day. Your parents would always try to console you, tell you that you were perfectly fine, that you’d become something great one day. But after your graduation, you came to find that people didn’t really want to hire mutants that much, especially those with an unpredictable and flaming personality. So, you accepted the reality that you’d just have to live with your parents forever, that your soulmate was off somewhere being all happy and eating twinkies, and that you’d never even meet them because you were, what society deemed, disgusting.

Not that eating twinkies every day was any better.

But life of a mutant wasn’t as black and white as you thought, as now you were standing right in front of the famous Charles Xavior school for the gifted with a suitcase in hand. Just a few days back you had burst into tears after receiving an invitation and now you could barely hold them back at the sight of it. Finally, you though, your life was going to turn for the better. You were about to step foot inside, but you suddenly felt someone run past you and into the mansion. Felt; it was an odd word to describe someone who was probably running, but you literally only saw a flash of silver skim past you insanely fast and you just assumed that it was a mutant with super speed. Oh, and the fact that this mystery mutant bumped into you and now you were falling backwards also factored into your deduction. Were you going to tumble down the fancy porch stairs on your first day here? Yeah. Were you still happy with the fact you were here, that there were already careless people bumping into you and not minding their mutations? Extremely and your sudden grin proudly showed that off.

Yet you didn’t have the chance to fall, another mutant teleported by your side and grabbed you by your forearms, looking at you with concern. He was…blue and he had three fingers on each hand, and a tail, and he just teleported in front of you, and, wow, you were so happy to be here.

“Hi!” You couldn’t help but beam at him, despite the fact that he was the only thing preventing you from crashing down. “I’m (Y/N)!”

You noticed the stranger opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it upon noticing something…someone behind you – someone else, who was now pushing you back up to your feet with a giggle.

“Sorry about Peter, er, the guy who almost knocked you down here!” You heard the person behind you say. “We were supposed to show you around, but Peter’s awfully impatient so he said that the last person here was gonna show you around and ran off.”

“I’m Jubilee!” She was now in front of you, grinning and waving. “We’re super glad you’re here, actually, I’m sure you’ll have a chance to get back at Peter for being such an idiot!” She then pointed at the blue mutant who was still holding your arms. “That’s Kurt!”

“Guten tag!” He grinned and let go of you to wave with both of his hands. “It is very nice to meet you!”

And you could’ve sworn you’ve never felt more at home than now. Kurt was gracious enough to teleport all your stuff into your room before he and Jubilee began the tour. It was very extensive, they insisted they weren’t going to leave you to your own devices until you knew exactly where everything was, even if it took the entire day to show you around. You even met some others along the way, like Scott and Jean, who you learned were soulmates. Jean complained about some food she didn’t like that Scott absolutely loved and you shared a laugh, even feeling comfortable enough to mention that all your soulmate seems to eat is twinkies and how much it annoys you. They shared a look as you said that, it almost seemed like a knowing look, before Jean told you how much that must suck and took her leave with Scott. Eventually, you circled back to your room, a little sad that the day was coming to an end, but excited because this was your life now. You had a place where everyone accepted you for what you were and-

Oh god, that god-awful taste of twinkies was in your mouth again. Just as you thought your soulmate wouldn’t eat any today.

“Jubilee, wait!” She turned to you once you had called for her, still smiling. “Everything in the kitchen is…free to take, right?”

She snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course it is! Everything is everyone’s, you’re free to take anything anytime!”

Exhaling, you raced past her, yelling out a “thanks” and “see you later!” as you ran. You thought you’d at least try to drown out the taste, even if it didn’t work most of the time, if anything, you might inconvenience your soulmate a little bit by eating something else. Like a fruit for a change!

As you finally reached the kitchen, you exhaled in relief upon finding it was empty. You were a bit worn out from the excitement of today and you didn’t want to seem weird in front of anyone, especially with how frantically you looked around the kitchen for something juicy and sweet. Ah, that apple sat in a basket in the middle of the counter made your mouth water! In fact, at this point, anything that wasn’t a twinkie made your mouth water.

“Ah, so good…” You muttered to yourself after taking a bite, feeling the taste of the twinkie disappear and be replaced with that of an apple.

“You a telepath, or are you just talking to yourself here?”

You nearly choked on your treat after hearing the unfamiliar voice so suddenly and nearly choked again after the owner of it appeared in front of you in a blur. Silver, he must’ve been the mutant who nearly knocked you over - Peter.

“Talking to myself, relishing in how good this apple is, mostly.” You shrugged, a small smile on your face. “What brings you here?”

He was no longer in front of you, instead opening the fridge door. Witnessing someone utilizing their mutation for such mundane things brought a smile to your face. It was quickly wiped though, seeing as how he had pulled out a twinkie from the fridge and waved it around.

“Hungry, soulmate’s not munching on something too tasty right now.” He said, unwrapping that godforsaken thing and tilting his head after you had turned away. “What’s wrong? Am I too attractive for the eyes of a newbie?”

“Nope, I just hate twinkies.” Biting the apple, you shook your head. “My soulmate eats them, like, every day and I can’t stand it. I’m convinced they’re insane.”

Peter fell silent and you were almost concerned that he ran off after you had declared you hated twinkies. Maybe he just held a deep love for them. Did you offend him, perhaps? You turned back and as soon as you did, he bit down on the twinkie, staring right in your eyes. And then you felt the all-too-familiar twinkie taste. And then you realized.

“Oh my god…” You breathed, slamming the half-eaten apple back on the counter. “It’s you!”

You didn’t quite understand why your heart started beating so fast at the sight of him eating that damned twinkie and grinning at you like an idiot. You didn’t understand why suddenly you felt so…anxious, why you were scared to move. This was it, you always visualized meeting your soulmate and then hitting them over and over again for making your life a living hell just by eating twinkies, but all you could do now was stare.

“Y-You’re a mutant!” You choked out, hands flying to cover your gaping mouth. In reality, you just tried to hide the smile growing on your face because you were supposed to hate this guy. “Like me!”

“Yeah, a freak, if you will.” He chuckled, licking his fingers after just finishing this twinkie. “That’s why I’m here, just like you.” He pointed at you, but really, he was trying his hardest not to run up to you and spin you around. Then you’d really think he was insane.

Could you blame him though? He also didn’t think his soulmate would be a mutant too, the chances were just too slim.

“I can’t believe this!” With quick steps, you walked up to him and proceeded to punch his chest lightly, light-heartedly, which was proved by how much you were giggling. “I hate you, you know! Do you have any idea how much you made me hate twinkies? I was literally so annoyed one day, I burned down my desk at school!”

Peter laughed; it was cute. “You don’t really sound like you hate me.” He grabbed your wrists, grinning down at you. “But it’s charming to see you pretend that you’re totally not head over heels for me right now.”

“I am not!” You shook your head, a grin of your own decorating your features. “I am extremely annoyed! Especially at the fact that my soulmate is some maniac who looks dumb and thinks that eating twinkies everyday is good for him!”

“Well,” he began slyly. “I’m sure we can discuss my new diet plan during a date.”

“Peter, you are insufferable.” You paused. “But I suppose we could talk about your twinkie addiction sometime.”

His smile fell for a moment. “Hey…what’s your name again?”

You snorted, light giggles eventually escalating into a laugh that made Peter smile softly. Still laughing, you placed your head on his chest, making him turn slightly red, unbeknownst to you. You had already forgotten that you could feel the taste of that twinkie he had eaten moments ago. Perhaps you were just too overjoyed to remember all the downsides of having this dummy as your soulmate. Sure, all he ate was twinkies, but he was a mutant too, which instantly meant he wouldn’t hate you for your mutation. And he looked dumb, which was charming, you thought.

Well, you supposed you’ll just have to deal with the twinkies, since your soulmate wasn’t that bad.

[kurtstinypurse]

when u feel like Twitter has kinda ruined fanfiction for u ☹️☹️☹️

aw man :-(

I haven’t been on twitter much today, but I know fanfic/fetishization is a huge topic right now and it’s kind of become a war. I’ve tried to stay out of it, but I will share my thoughts here because I feel more comfortable doing it here, in hopes of making you and others feel a bit better about this.

as a member of the lgbt community, an adult cis woman, a writer, and a reader, here are my ramble-y thoughts:

fanfiction is a really important part of fan culture for several reasons, in my opinion. it provides a means of extending something you care about - taking characters and places and storylines that you are inspired by and making them your own. 

it’s also a great tool to explore of many things, from feelings to ideas to issues, and that can include sexual exploration. personally, I find it harmless. fanfic writers and readers are creating/consuming fictional stories about fictional characters from fictional shows. it affects no real people - not the actors, not anyone. if you’re going to explore your sexuality, I would say it’s a much more safe and consensual way to do it versus watching porn, for example, which begins to involve real humans and a deeply complex and problematic industry.

fanfiction is free and created out of passion and interest, never obligation. writers write what they want to write, whether there’s an audience for it or not. klaine, for example, has tons and tons and tons of fanfiction online, and you can choose to read what you’re interested in. that’s why tags, warnings, summaries, and ratings exist.

as far as twitter goes - in a lot of ways, stan twitter culture is a constant battle to be the most politically correct, whether these people truly believe what they’re saying or not. at its core, it’s a popularity contest and an echo chamber within such a small subsection of culture and reality, but when you get immersed in it, it’s so easy to lose sight of that.

it’s an intriguing phenomenon to watch one person say something, and then you can track it as it absolutely explodes and everyone is talking about that thing. trends come and go in a matter of hours, and it’s terrifyingly powerful. it leaves you feeling like if you have a different opinion, you’re wrong, but that isn’t always the case.

the buzzword of “mlm fetishization” has completely taken off and exploded, and I think it’s begun to be a huger issue than intended. if mlm feel uncomfortable with smut-heavy fanfiction, they do have the right to bring it up as a potential issue. however, it’s become a frenzy of people outside that community attempting to speak for them and blowing it out of proportion. 

fanfiction is not bad. smut within fanfiction is fine. from what I’ve gathered, I think the original intention of the argument was that some smut-driven fics perpetuate incorrect/unrealistic/unhealthy sex and begin to emphasize stereotypes and no longer see mlm as real men. the issue exists, too, with men fetishizing lesbian women, if not moreso -  but personally, I don’t feel like smut about two women fetishizes me. 

at the end of the day, it’s only fair to speak for your own experience. it’s impossible to speak on behalf of an entire community, because in reality, no two people will have the exact same experience and believe the exact same thing. it’s not fair to speak on behalf of a community you aren’t a part of, police others content consumption, or write others off entirely for having opinions different from your own.

personally, I grew up on tumblr in the early days of the glee fandom, and I was exposed to pretty intense smut at a young age - 13/14. I absolutely became desensitized to it in written word, but did it affect my sexual health, growth, and development? not at all.

if smut makes you uncomfortable, don’t read it. if smut makes someone else uncomfortable, respect them and don’t push it on them. that’s when it crosses the line and becomes fetishization.

unfortuately, I feel like it’s gone way past the point of return to a healthy dialogue and productive communication. if seeing this stuff is affecting your mental health, causing you to question your morals, or making you want to stop creating or consuming art, I would really suggest muting words like “fetishization” on twitter. 

at this point, it doesn’t mean you’re turning a blind eye to it - you’re protecting yourself. there is no educating going on on twitter anymore or rational, unbiased points being made. if you would like to educate yourself, I’d really suggest googling some resources on the topic outside of twitter. you’d be surprised at how differently it’s seen in the grand scheme of things.

[nonbinaryresource]

ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities.  A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

[sparring-spirals]

Jester is Fine (spoiler she’s not)

aka my long ass Thing about Jester and her upbringing and also why I have so many feelings about her tendency to suppress negative emotions and IDK I JUST WANTED TO WRITE THIS SINCE HER BACKSTORY REVEAL IN EPISODE 8 LET ME LIVE.

Disclaimers: Im not entirely caught up yet but I know the primary plot points and bigger convos (thanks tumblr lov u). Neccesary spoilers will be tagged as I go down the post. Mostly spoils for ep 8? And I guess their Activity post blue dragon.

part 1 because whoops this got looong.

Okay, so we start at the beginning, at the very first backstory drop; because, Jester was the first person to give up her backstory, in its relative whole. Which makes sense! Right? Its not like she has anything to /hide/.  Because everything about her childhood was Fine. Great! actually, great, super great. Her mom loved her! So much! and she got an awesome room and got to play pranks on people and had the COOLEST BEST FRIEND EVER who taught her how to play even BETTER pranks, and like, it was awesome, even if-

even if she couldn’t /leave/ her bedroom and she needed to keep her existence a secret, and her mom sometimes was too busy to tell her stories or sing her to sleep, but sometimes she’d sit by the door and listen, so basically the same!

!!! :)

Even here- 8 episodes in, relationships still forming, a general hesitation to tread on anything too heavy- you see the unease on the rest of the party.

Caleb: So where were you at this point?

Nott: Just trapped in your room?

Jester: Well no, I wasn’t trapped, but you know- (*1)

Caleb: Did you get to go to the park? Did she read you stories, did she do the things that parents do?

Jester: She.. read me some stories! And a lot of times I would listen at the door and hear her sing.(*2)

Beau: Did she tell people about you?(*3)

Jester: *laughing* No.

Fjord: I imagine that would affect her business a little.

Jester: Exactly. I totally understand, she loves me so much. She really, really does. It’s just, you know, people frown upon courtesans with daughters.(*4)

Okay, so before anything else- we unpack this.

1: This is important to Jester- that she wasn’t trapped. Like, cmon, Jester has read books- SO many books, she knows all the stories, about girls being locked in high towers and- she’s not that! She wasn’t /trapped/ because she didn’t want to leave, not really. She wasn’t trapped, it wasn’t against her will, at all. (continued in 4)

2: The positive spin, the pause- and then the of course! In some form, it wasn’t exactly like how Caleb described,, but it happened! It still counts! (Also because this imagery broke my heart: a child jester, wanting to be sung to sleep or told a story but knowing her mom is busy, a young jester, alone, behind a door, listening to a song that isn’t for her but letting it wrap around her because-

because what else is she supposed to-

3: Putting this in because it makes sense Beau, of all people, asks this question. Beau who (Beau spoiler) was never the child her parents wanted, who was the disgrace, who was dropped in favor of a different child the moment they could do it, who was sent away and forgotten and will always live with the knowledge that she was a /disgrace/ to her family, a disappointment- something to be hidden. Looking at Jester; beautiful, bright, sweet Jester who is soft and easy and bright in all the ways Beau has never been- and thinking of her being hidden away, like a stain, like a disgrace.

4: This is perhaps the most important thing- that Jester isn’t upsetwith her mom because how could she be? Her mom loves her. So much. None of this was ever about making Jester suffer- god no, her mom always tried so hard to make Jester happy and comfortable and- her mom did good, her mom did a wonderful job, and she was just making the right decision.

Her mom loves her.

Her mom loves her.

And you know what? She does. So much. I haven’t yet reached them meeting Marion, but I do know that much; that her mom really loves her, so, so, so much. And thats part of what makes this so painful, and part of why its so vital that Jester always speaks of her childhood with a tiptoeing sort of cheerfulness, why she’s always so insistent that it was fine, it was fine! Because, if its not fine, if it wasn’t fine that she grew up locked in a room, no friends, no company, not supposed to ever leave- then its really not fine. It means Jester, despite everything she has tried to tell herself, is not fine. Was not fine. For years, then something was wrong, something was extremely wrong, and that means she has to face that, deal with it. More than that, if it wasn’t fine, then it means that her mom, her mom who loved her so much and tried so hard to keep her happy, failed. Her mom did bad. That not only did her mom do bad things for her- arguably to her, not only did her mom directly play a part in making things not fine-

her mother did bad. to her. This isn’t just about Jester, this isn’t just about how she was incredibly, achingly lonely for so much of her childhood and how badly she wanted friends, how she ached and burned for friends and just wanted someone, anyone, to be her friend, more than an oft-vanishing green cloak, she wanted people and friendship and companionship and she just wanted to not be alone in her room, traveler please please please-

This is about how she would have to know that someone who tried so hard to keep her happy, tried so hard to not hurt her, someone who truly, genuinely loves her, hurt her anyway.

And that, that’s the most painful part, because that’s always such a fucking difficult lesson to learn: That sometimes people can love you, really, genuinely love you, and still do you wrong. And knowing they hurt you will hurt them, and admitting that, admitting that is sometimes just as hard as the initial damage, and moreso for someone like Jester who so badly wants to believe the best in people, especially the people she loves, and who is at her core, a protector (tm Laura Bailey).

She will never, ever face the extent of her own pain if it means she can, even indirectly, shield someone she loves about from that pain too.

….

ok i dont have a good ending for this but uhhhh PART 2, COMING AT SOME POINT: Why Jester Lavorre knowing about everyone’s tragic backstories DEFINITELY means she wont be acknowledging her own issues anytime soon.