#u can have understanding of why but why should that make it ok.
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Currently learning the difference btwn being understanding and being enabling
#it's just so hard like. i see the pain ppl go thru. life is fucking HARD WHY would i make it any harder#but also. sometime's it's necessary#not saying u have to be cruel but like. protecting ppl from the consequences of their actions#because i'll be like 'oh but they only did this because—' but nah man. they did it. they made that choice.#u can have understanding of why but why should that make it ok.#somebody: *hurts me*#my dumb ass: well they're hurting too so—#://#im seeing the patterns. why i end up where i do.#idk.#i just. believe in the best parts of ppl.#i cannot believe i let myseld get so pessimistic and think i was a hater? my god?#like a little ya but christ. i was mean there for a while.#oh well. live and learn
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me
#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest#i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts#and ive Done My Rounds with that ok#ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy#yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead#lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades#and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and#an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart#theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there#you need to get a good thing while u can#i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg#but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au#or even just normal casual conversation#i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love#trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories#so have fun ok. for me#txt
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i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...
#... im not sure if itll be a full day or just 'more paperwork/general tour/training' tho kinda hopin for maybe like a half day TwT;;#im very nervous and considering taking one of the old anxiety meds i still have#from when i was in therapy. except idk if theyre still in date + they made me feel like a zombie which is why i stopped taking them lol#like i was SO out of it on them. but would that be preferable 2 the feeling of Soon Entering Cardiac Arrest levels of anxiety im having rn?#maybe...#+ going to take a sleeping pill around 10 to make sure i dont stay up all night freaking myself out#jkdkjfhjjk can my brain be normal about this. i havent even started the job yet calm down!!! calm down!!! its ok!!!!#i just feel so bad bc everyone has been rly nice. like 'omg yay u found a chill job w insurance RIGHT before u get kicked off urs thats#great ik youll do well!!' and its like well what if i DONT do well what if i freak out again. and self sabotage. then what. like i KNOW#its bad and i KNOW what i SHOULD be doing but its like herding geese over here in my brain zone. painful and bad and i dont understand why#things happen at all its confusing and frustrating to deal with#logically i know i need a job. i need to pay my debts and start saving and I WANT to move out! but its like that fine dining and breathing#scene from spongebob. brain on fire. lol#sanchoyorambles
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feeling of growing into my body is so nice too. god puberty sucked
#i mean i had other stuff too. and so do probably most of my followers bc Trans Things. i never had dysphoria from being trans tho#it was all from discomfort during puberty + depersonalization#so now that both of those have lessened + ive gotten better at managing them. HOLY SHIT ITS NICE#i dont feel ashamed of my body!!! ive achieved complete body neutrality its so fucking awesome#i dont even feel like i need to dress up anymore. nor am i uncomfortable with the idea that someone could find me attractive#bc i understand its not my job to be or not be attractive its just my job to EXIST. other ppl can think whatever they want about me#its SO NICE. i am growing into my life its so lovely.#just a bit of positivity for you guys :] this site (and online spaces in general) can be so negative bc it’s a safe place to ent#so heres a break from that. from someone who struggled heavily w mental illness for multiple years#i don’t want to disclose what or why but it wasnt just quirky depression anxiety etc it was like from real scary shit + near death experienc#<- not to say anxiety & depression don’t suck. what i mean is that it wasn’t quirky ‘omg i have anxiety im so scared of everyone 🥺👉👈’#type shit that every white girl highschooler insists they have. it wasnt just beingn sad cus of high school LMAO#NOT TO DOWNPLAY THAT BUT LIKE. U KNOW THE PPL I MEAN. u dont have anxiety/ocd/depression dude youre just Sad. fairly so but itsnot Disorder#but. from someone who went thru all that. IT GETS BETTER. also if ur like 13-15 ur brain hormones suck and it gets better 100%#like everything feels So Bad but its just uour brain chemicals and i am so sorry uour brain does that. BUT IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE. <3#it doesnt make your struggles easier but you should know that it DOES get better. <3 love u#ok <3 take care guys#tobin talks
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i wish people werent so ~Christian~ about morals and punishment and wrongdoing and redemption and forgiveness and--
#personal#vent#ig.#isnt this the childhood trauma and mentally ill media#if u understand that negative reinforcement does nothing for a child... then...#why do you insist so heavily that people who have done wrong should face severe punishment and only then can they ''redeem'' themselves#newsflash asshole#redemption isnt something you earn#redemption honestly... as we see it at least... doesnt even really exist#you cannot make others forgive you. just as others cannot force someone to change#its something you choose#redemption is personal#its more of a personal promise you make to /yourself/#you cannot do something that truly forfeits your rights as a human#so theres nothing to ''redeem''. you never lost it#its infuriating and honestly Triggering to see this shit#ive spent several several years trying to unteach all the toxic ass shit i was taught from religion#i dont really like having to listen and see other ppl spewing the same shit#that made me think i had to die and allow myself to be tortured to be worthy of love#ok sorry for getting trauma on main i just want to throw rocks at people
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...
#i was rereading thru my last dyslexia assessment and its really interesting. i took it 5 years ago#which is before i really figured out how to be a person and it does match a lot of my struggles#as u might expect. like very very bad short term memory and delay in ability to call words to the surface#the last one might explain why i constantly struggle to find the words im looking for. and obviously my ability to read and spell are very#bad as well. but they dont actually drill down on why. its weird. theyre screening for problems but dont ask what the problem looks like#from my end. like my eyes dont track well across a page and i find it it difficult to read passages because my brain is constantly#interupting me with unrelated thoughts and daydreams. and you woudlnt kno that from reading this report. makes me wonder how nuanced an#understanding of dyslexia we actually have. i should read dyslexia papers bc i find it really interesting#it also makes me kinda sad bc the person assessing me made notes like: very attentive and focused. obviously anxious when under assessment#like aw poor anxious freak lol. i also clearly did not fucking understand what they were asking on the executive function assessment#bc i answered that i had no problems there and i clearly have problems with just about everything asked abt and i kno i did then as well#it must have been academicly originated and like i can do school. im good at school. but everything else is a disaster#to clarify. i wonder how much assessment of how dyslexia is experienced when assessments are just looking got indications that#its happening. bc if u kno its there as a teacher it doesnt really matter what it looks like to u. but i personally find it v interesting#and im sure brain ppl do to. id do a dyslexia brain study. come at me neurologists#also questions like: r u able to stay organized? me: of course! i only exist in like 3 locations so even if i lose things theyre easy to#find in the massive disorganized pile of things i leave behind#its very funny to me reading that report as i take these measurements where my workspace looks a disaster and im constantly losing my pen#and forgetting what i need to do. then suddenly remembering. like can i stay focused? yes. i stay so focused that i burn my brain to dust#ay ay ay. at least i still feel ok abt my measurement taking. tho my ability to sleep is already in decline so im sure that wont last long#bc thats how it goes. an up mood where maybe i wanna run around in circles screaming a bit but its all good. not getting a ton of sleep and#doing too much. then burning out and losing stability. pulled forward by my own compulsive thoughts#but for now were good. and someday ill do a dyslexia deep dive bc i really really wanna kno but also i cant read which makes learning hard#when u want academic info lol#unrelated
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i do love my car it is the perfect car aside from the. imperfections and frequent problems,
#toy txt post#😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔#why is the flex pipe broken again! who is responsible.#anyway i know how this sounds but also im right. i just want a tiny little car like i have#but like for all the parts to be high quality and easy to replace. u know. but alas#after spending hours trawling past the seo listicles about 5 signs that my flex pipe is failing#looking desperately for the forums where i cannot understand anything theyre saying. it seems like#when the shop replaced the flexpipe previously they must not have used an OEM part and swapped it out for a cheaper part#and or. my engine mounts are failing? and or. exhaust hangar issue???#and the guy at the mechanic shop was like oh its like a design flaw with the cars that have flex pipes and the front wheel drive engines#that rock back and forth instead of side to side so they just wear out faster. but also it shouldnt wear out this fast. and its bc my car is#a shitty cheap little piece of shit. but also its bc something is wrong like this happens to plenty of other cars too that arent fiats#and im sure we'll look into it and shrig and get the flex pipe replaced and ill be like okay. can we replace it with a just straight pipe#that isnt flexing? no bc thatll lead to wear and tear destorying more expensive parts? ok. what about beefier mounts or more mounts to make#the engine chill out. no probably not bc it probably needs to move a little bit or else theyd find a way to make it stop moving. well okay#what if we take the engine out and fucking rotate it so that it rocks side to side instead?since all the car guys are waxing poetic about#that? no? thats not possible? i think it probably is possibly but what you mean is its not feasible or realistic and its not worth it and i#should just keep replacing this one piece or what the fuck ever.#mostly i think im just tired of how my parents treat my car now? i get it you hate it. please just accept the fact that you are going to#hate any car i have bc im not ever being the newest release of the pedestriancrusher3000 suv tank that beeps when someone is next to me#like i joke but literally it seems like all they want is for me to get a different bigger car. i dont want or need a bigger car.#we have been having this argument since i started learning to drive. no one who taught me to drive understands that bigger car=more anxious#cos im anxious about Different Things than they are. maybe i could have slightly better Visibility but at least i can see over my fucking#hood#anyway. i do wish i could get my exact car but with like higher quality materials/construction and like. as a plug in hybrid instead#electric sounds nice in theory but i dont think its for me just yet?#ive seen new electric fiats (which they arent selling here btw) (fuck you if you want a small new car lol)#car companies be like america? oh those fuckers only want the largest tanks we can legally allow on the road. and then the 3 of us american#folk that do actually want small cars are like hey uh. how do i get a small one. i know yall make them. ive seen it#and the companies are like oh we dont sell them to you. you only like big cars
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sparring sessions - percy jackson
Request: yes! "ok so ik it’s kinda (by kind of i mean VERY) cliche, but i was wondering if u could do like an angst -> fluff where like percy and reader get into a fight n stuff and he like admits that he loves them??" Pairing: percy jackson x reader Summary: when an argument between you and percy gets heated, some things are revealed Warnings: mentions of injuries and blood, arguing, angst Word count: 858 A/N: raaaaaahhh I LOVE me some cliche's LETS GO !! thanks for you request, enjoy!
it started out as an innocent sparring session between percy and jake, a hephaestus kid. a couple kids from hermes, hephaestus, and athena decided to get together to train. you and percy also joined.
you'd been at camp longer than percy, so you had trained him in the beginning. the two of you often train together even though percy is now better than you.
but somehow he still looks at you while sparring with someone else. if it's to read your facial expressions or just because you're in his line of sight, you're not sure.
but today it nearly went wrong.
while percy and jake were sparring, percy was looking at you and too late to block jake's sword. he managed to make a deep cut in percy's arm.
the session was immediately ended and percy put his sword away. while the other kids continued their training session, you walked away. you couldn't stay there and be around percy right now. clearly he hadn't listened to you.
but percy, having seen your face, follows you.
as soon as you get to percy's cabin - which provides you with more privacy than your own - you turn around to look at him with an irritated look on your face.
'I told you to ignore me if you're sparring!' you say.
percy frowns. but nothing bad happened? why are you mad at him? besides, he can't look away from you when he's sparring. he thought you knew this.
'and how am I supposed to do that?' says percy, watching as you take off your armor and neatly put it away. 'you're the one that taught me. of course I need to see if you think I'm doing a good job.'
you pinch the bridge of your nose between your fingers. you're trying so hard to stay calm right now.
'of course I think you're doing a good job, percy.' you say. 'I know you're good at what you do. but you'd do a great job if you would listen to my advice and avoid getting stabbed.'
percy makes a soft offended noise. 'first of all, I didn't get stabbed. I got nicked!'
you groan out loud 'percy! come on, don't be stubborn!'
'I'm the one being stubborn? you should see yourself when you're sparring. you want it to be perfect but fighting never is! it's messy, no matter how good you train someone.'
'I'm going for a walk.' you say, before you get angrier and say things you don't mean.
you grab your armor and walk towards the door, but he steps in front of you, blocking the doorway.
'oh no, you're not. we're not done yet.' says percy, crossing his arms over his chest, displaying the cut on his arm that he didn't have time to heal yet.
'got more to say?' you say.
'yes. you never did actually tell me what I did wrong.' says percy. 'you're mad, I can tell. but you didn't tell me what it was that I did that's made you mad.'
'yes I did. I told you that you need to ignore me when you're sparring. focus all of you attention on the opponent, not me.'
'I can't do that.'
'can't focus on the opponent? I noticed.'
'that's not what I meant!'
'then what do you mean!'
'I meant I can't ignore you when I'm sparring!' says percy loudly. 'I can never ignore you, don't you understand that? whenever you're near you always have my attention, I can never look away. even when you're not near me I'm thinking about you. gods, you're always on my mind because I love you, okay? so I'm sorry if I can't look away from you when I'm sparring!'
you hadn't realised how close you were to each other. now percy's face is close to yours, both of you breathing heavily.
you knew percy liked you, obviously. you wouldn't be staying in his cabin almost every night if he didn't. but this? even though you knew percy had liked you for a long time, you hadn't been together for that long.
'you love me?' you say in a soft voice, feeling your anger and irritation ebb away.
percy closes his eyes and shakes his head, as if he just now realises what he said. then he sighs and when he opens his eyes and looks at you, there's nothing but sweetness in them.
'yeah. I do.' says percy. 'I've loved you for a long time, actually.'
you smile and want to say something but percy's eyes widen.
'wait, shit, is that too soon? should I have waited to say it? oh gods if I-'
'percy.' you say, shutting him up by stepping even closer to him.
'it's okay. I love you too.' you say.
percy grins and his eyes twinkle. without warning, he puts his hands on the sides of your face and crashes his lips against yours. he can feel the smile on your lips.
when he pulls back, you're both smiling.
'you still want to go on that walk?' says percy.
'definitely not.' you say.
percy laughs and kisses you again, your argument already forgotten.
A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost, steal or translate my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit
#pjo#percy jackson#Percy Jackson x reader#Percy Jackson fanfiction#Percy Jackson fanfic#Percy Jackson fanfics#Percy Jackson fic#Percy Jackson fics#Percy Jackson oneshot#Percy Jackson oneshots#pjo fanfiction#pjo fanfic#pjo fanfics#pjo fic#pjo fics#pjo oneshot#pjo oneshots
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rewatched 7x05 in its entirety and the entire conversation buck has with maddie is SO funny from maddie's perspective. like.
The FIRST thing he says. NO OTHER CONTEXT. is that he lied to eddie and it's eating him up inside.
Maddie is sitting there thinking like oh boy. lied to eddie??? Ok. what's all this then.
Buck explains about being on a date, running into Eddie and Marisol etc etc etc and after Maddie rules out buck doing something TRULY wild like dating a celebrity or a married woman she's run out of possible options as to like. WHY did Buck lie to Eddie? So ofc she asks him, why did you did that.
Buck is like I don't know.
NOW IF IM MADDIE. sitting here wondering why my baby brother just lied to his bestie about being on a date for no apparent reason. like. She's GOT to be wondering, right??? She's gotta be like. Something has CHANGED between Buck and Eddie and Buck now, out of nowhere, seems to NOT want to tell Eddie he's dating someone. WHATS all this then.
Finally she gets the crucial piece of information that oh yeah, i was on a date with a guy, no big deal maddie NOT THE POINT. obviously i check out hot guys' asses CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS
now things are making sense again. Maddie's like, yeah actually, kind of the point. You felt weird about telling Eddie you were on a date with a guy when no one, not even you, even knew you were interested in guys before. that totally tracks, very reasonable actually.
except then. THEN. Buck reveals the second crucial piece of information. that the guy Buck was on a date with. was Tommy. as in BBPU double-u backslash TOMMY. TOMMY FROM THE CALENDAR TOMMY!!!!!! WHOM. LAST MADDIE CHECKED. IS BUCK'S SOLE RIVAL IN THE BATTLE FOR EDDIE'S ATTENTION THAT HE MADE UP IN HIS HEAD.
at this point, in maddie's head she's gotta be like. ah. my little brother has entered into some kind of insane gay psychodrama of triangulated desire the likes of which patricia highsmith could only dream of. and she's just like well. it seems that your problem might be that you were on a date with a man whom not one week ago you were competing with for your best friend's attention, and now you are lying to said best friend about it and THAT PART is what made you spiral so hard you showed up at my door like a guilty puppy. and frankly. as a woman who is happily nearly-married to the love of my life whom i have a three-year-old with i am not qualified to tell you what the FUCK it is you think you are doing here. so. you should tell eddie your feelings, which you still don't understand, at some point i guess! godspeed little brother
#sibyl speaks#and then one week later buck and his best friend show up to her wedding looking like shit and telling her they LOST HEr HUSbAND#god grant this woman the patience to not throttle her insane bisexual brother
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I am clean from sh for about 6 months now (yay me) and lately, idk why, I’ve just kinda been struggling with accepting my scars and the fact that I’ll have them probably forever and your writing is really comforting and actually helps, so I wanted to ask if u could maybe write something with Spencer helping reader feel ok with having them on reader‘s thighs?
totally understand that that’s a touchy topic and if u don’t wanna write it, I also completely get it, thanks anyway for even reading this xxx
Ahh yay you!!! Congrats baby, and thank you for requesting <3
cw: past self harm, some nudity that's really not sexual but they joke about it a bit
Spencer Reid x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words
You’re sweltering. D.C. doesn’t usually get very warm, but for the last week you’ve been on a streak of record-breaking temperatures that’s made your clothes stick to your skin and has caused even your perpetually chilled boyfriend to refrain from putting on his cardigan until he gets inside his work each morning. Just walking between your car and various air conditioned buildings is enough to make you consider moving to the Arctic.
“Oh my god,” you groan, flopping inelegantly down on the bed to peel your jeans off. “Can we turn the A/C down to sixty, please?”
“Let’s start with seventy,” Spencer negotiates. You hear his footsteps stop halfway down the hall as he adjusts the monitor. “I think we still have some lemonade left, if you want some.”
“Ugh, yes.” You tear your jeans off your ankles with enough force to nearly send them flying across the room and sigh blissfully as the A/C kicks on.
You change out of your sweaty shirt too, going for your pajamas despite it being hours from darkness falling. You have no plans to go out into that hellscape again until tomorrow. You hesitate over a pair of pajama shorts before slipping on loose pants instead, not quite as cool but still light enough to allow some air flow.
“I love you,” you tell Spencer when he passes you your lemonade as you come into the living room, sitting beside him on the couch. Ice clinks inside your glass, which is already forming little beads of condensation. You have the urge to rub it on your face. “I mean, unconditionally, but especially right now.”
“I’ll take it,” he jokes back, tilting his head back so his face is in the path of the A/C vent. When he looks up, he finds you pinching up the fabric of your pants around your knees, trying to create a pathway for the air to move up your legs. “Why are you wearing those?”
You know what he’s asking you, and you intentionally misunderstand. “I felt like it was pajama time. No way am I going outside again today.”
“Right, but aren’t you warm?” Spencer tilts his head. He looks like a particularly cunning puppy, brown eyes soft and inquisitive.
“A little,” you admit.
“Then why not wear something shorter?”
“That’s awfully forward of you.” You do your best to give him a smile. It doesn’t stick around long in the face of your boyfriend’s serious expression, increasingly worried. “Maybe I don’t feel like parading my legs around for you.”
You can see the cogs turning in Spencer’s brain, and the usually fascinating process is suddenly almost painful to watch. You know he’s thinking of what you refusing to wear shorts used to mean, how nobody ever thought anything of it because, again, D.C. doesn’t tend to get very warm. How evasive you were about it then, too. An uncomfortable weight settles in your stomach.
“Is there a reason you don’t want them out?” he asks, and his voice is gentle but his gaze is unflinching.
You try to hold it as you shake your head. “I’m still clean.” The words seem to take more air than they should. Your guilt and embarrassment are enough to choke on. “I promise.”
Spencer nods. “I believe you.”
His eyes don’t so much as twitch down to your covered thighs. Relief like a cool breeze passes through you. It’s no small thing, his trust in you. Not after you’d gone so far out of your way to hide the evidence of your hurt from him before.
“But it’s still related to that, isn’t it?” He lifts his glass, taking a sip before wiping the corner of his mouth. You almost smile, picturing your boyfriend in an interrogation room asking questions with this same gentle tone and wide open, curious expression. You don’t think Spencer could ever be harsh.
“Yeah,” you say. What felt like something private and humiliating a minute before you suddenly want to share with him. Spencer tends to have that effect on you; he makes divulging your most gut-twisting secrets feel natural and easy. “My scars just haven’t gone away. I don’t really want to see them.”
Spencer’s mouth pinches. “You know they won’t ever fully go away, right?”
“Yeah.” You sigh, but it doesn’t feel like letting anything out. “I know.”
“They will probably fade, though.” His fingers circle your ankle loosely, calluses skimming softly over your achilles tendon. “Is it that you don’t want to see them, or you don’t want me to?”
You rub your lips together. Shrug. “Both, I guess.”
He tilts his head. Like your answer is expected, but nonetheless perplexing. “I don’t care if I see them,” he says. His hand coasts up your leg, over the fabric of your pants, until he grasps it by your knee. “Can I?”
You nod. You know he’d let it go if you said no, but it’s not worth begrudging him. “Sure.”
Spencer brings both hands to the fabric at your hips, and you lift your bum up off the couch as he pulls downwards. Your legs are happy to breathe, the cool air coming out of the vent even nicer than you’d thought it would be. Spencer keeps going until your pajama pants are balled up underneath your feet.
“You really were hot,” he says. It’s neither teasing nor gloating, a simple statement of fact. His fingers come to rest at your ankle again, and it’s the only kind of warmth you’ll allow. “Is it actually worth it?”
You look down at your thighs. Your skin feels better than it had covered up, but it’s also a physical reminder of things you’d rather forget. “I don’t know,” you reply.
“I understand why you don’t like them,” Spencer says. When you look up, you expect him to be as stuck on your scars as you are, but he’s looking at your face. His stare is calm and unmoving, like they don’t command his attention the way they do yours. “But I think they may be with you for a while. It might help to start trying to get used to them.”
You blow out a breath. “I want to.”
“I know,” he says. Easily, the way he’d said I believe you. And you think that he probably does know. Spencer has things from his past he can’t fully leave behind, too.
His forefinger moves slowly up and down the back of your ankle, an absentminded gesture for him and a comfort for you. Slowly, his eyes dip down to your legs. You fight the urge to squirm and hide.
“You know,” he muses, “there’s actually one thing I sort of like about seeing them.”
Your top lip starts to curl automatically, your brows pulling together. “What?”
“Just, that they’re old.” Spencer seems not to have noticed your reaction. His gaze is contemplative. “I mean, it’s not that I’m looking for them all the time or anything, but it’s nice to see them and know there aren’t going to be any new ones. These ones will fade, and then that will be it.”
Something new clogs your throat. It’s just as heavy as before, but far kinder.
Spencer looks up at you. He looks sheepish, the corner of his mouth uptilted self-consciously. “Sorry, it’s a weird line of thinking. I don’t want you to think I’m always checking on them.”
“No,” you swallow, “I get it. That’s nice, Spence.”
He shrugs. “It’s the truth.”
You could almost laugh. He makes things so simple. “I’ll change into shorts.”
“You don’t have to,” he says. “If you’re already cooling off.”
“Oh, yeah?” You keep your voice light, grinning at him as you shuffle over to straddle his lap. His fingers brush over a couple of the lines on your thigh as he brings them around your back, and the sensation doesn’t make you feel as shuddery as usual. You hug him with your arms around his neck. “You’re cool with me just staying like this then? No pants?”
“Not if you don’t want to wear them,” he says agreeably.
You laugh and hug him harder. “Thanks,” you tell him sincerely.
Spencer only makes a soft dismissive sound as he hugs you back.
#spencer reid#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid hurt/comfort#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid blurb#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid one shot#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds x reader#tw past sh#cw past sh
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hello! can I request headcanons of how Arlecchino would be as a parent with wife reader? like they have their own child that isn’t being trained to join the Fatui and Arle just gets to love and raise the child with reader (preferably the child being a daughter but it’s up to you <3 )
parent arlecchino hcs
Pairings: arlecchino x fem!reader
CW: sfw, female reader, established marriage, CHILDREN MUAHAHAHSHSH, um idk what else to put, pure fluff, her wife/reader being absolutely concerned for this woman, but it’s ok bc it’s cute and she loves her, eating the nearest route on the highway, ok that’s enough “content warnings” I hope.
A/N: wait this is so cute omg I love the idea of arlecchino having her own child that’s not part of the fatui 🕯️
Oh my god bro Arlecchino would be so ridiculously sweet and gentle with her daughter it’s actually insane.
She cares about the members of the House of the Hearth obviously, so the affection she shows her own child with you is immeasurable.
Arlecchino would be way more protective over her, considering that this child of hers isn’t trained to kill or go on missions, and just meant to live a normal life. She really wants to protect her child’s innocence and peaceful lifestyle no matter what.
While you two took care of your daughter, Arle would definitely do the thing where she picks her up and spins her in the air.
She enjoys it, but her resting bitch face makes it hard to tell-
Lowkey I feel like she would hilariously have her daughter held in one arm while answering the door to Lyney, and tell him to go on another mission while shielding the child in her encircled arm.
And Lyney would just stare wondering if that’s really the fourth Fatui harbinger, who’s currently hugging a child protectively.
She finds it oddly comfortable to come home to her wife and daughter at home, having both you and your kid in her arms as the three of you would spend time like a normal family.
Although she may not show it, Arlecchino gets kind of emotional over this. She wasn’t accustomed to coming home to just pure peace and tranquility rather than never ending business and violence. It was nice.
Subtly, if you have to go out for something, or if either of you have a responsibility to share, she ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS, tries to make some sort of excuse to stay home with your daughter.
She never outright says it, but she always has a convinient ploy of reasons as to why she should stay home that day.
Most of the time, she uses the excuse that she wants you to have a break from the kid.
“Hey Arle can you-“ “No worries, I’ll take care of her today so that you’ll have some weight taken off your shoulders.”
You see right through her, but who cares it’s adorable.
When your daughter gets a bit older, Arlecchino initially lies to her whenever she goes out on missions. At first, she’d vaguely state that it was just “business that she needed to take care of,” and then come home covered in blood.
She definitely lied saying it was ketchup once.
Of course she isn’t able to hide it forever, but your child understands since that is her father after all.
Omg off topic but this woman would definitely let y’all’s daughter step on her back cause she thinks it’s funny, Arle won’t be fazed even a bit cause obviously this woman has some ridiculous muscle.
Arlecchino would even let her do her lipstick sometimes, no matter how sloppy it turns out.
Once she removed it and redid her lipstick before going out, and your daughter wasn’t happy at all 😭
So from then on she always kept it on even if she looks like a clown.
She’d have to stare daggers at her fatui children laughing at the oh so intimidating woman who was feared going out with lipstick smeared up her cheek.
This is so cute I love domestic parent arle ‼️
A/N: OMG BRO AT FIRST I DIDNT HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR TJIS BUT I ENDED UP EVAPORATING MIDWAY AND GOT A TON SO I FINISHED WITH IT BEINT FAIRLY LONG hope u like it <333
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin writing#wlw#genshin arlecchino x reader#arlechinno x reader#arlecchino genshin x reader#arlecchino genshin impact#genshin arlecchino#arlecchino genshin#genshin impact arlecchino#arlechinno genshin#arlecchino x reader#arlecchino#arlecchino x#arleccino genshin#arlecchinno x reader#alrecchino#genshin fluff#arlecchino fluff#arlecchino x reader fluff
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Your back! Hi! :D Ok, the guys adore and are protective of their female human best friend (fem reader). She shares a strong bond with them, and they with her. So, if she ever gets injured or sick, the guys are protective for a while. She is ready to help them again (as much as she can with being a human and all) but what she doesn't realize is that this time it's close to their spring season, making them very protective, territorial, and aggressive to outsiders. How would this play out as they are close to their primal time of the year, and she wants to go with them as they're about to leave on patrol, but they won't let her? Fluffy ending. 🥺(maybe some turtle noises and behaviors too)
Protective TMNT headcanons—reader wants to come on patrol
Bayverse, 2003, or 2012 if it suits ya. 🤷♀️. SFW! Mentions of "spring season" for the boys but nothing s*xual. hope u like it @pokemew119 !
Leonardo:
• Like Leonardo, we'll be straight to the point with this one—he's not going to want you going out with them. Normally, he doesn't want you to. Now he really doesn't want you to
• Due to their biology, springtime can be pretty dreadful for the bunch (for Splinter, too, he's the one having to manage them). Aggression, sensitivity, protectiveness, fussing over their rooms, etc. So you asking Leo to go out on their nightly patrol with them was a "this really isn't a good time" moment for him
• "The Lair is warm and safe, why would you want to come out here, anyways? Leave the fighting to me. That's what I'm here for, that's my job."
• Can be a little bit of an ass about it ngl, because he just wants to know you're home with someone he actually trusts to protect you, their father
• You heard Leo bark your name as you started up the ladder out of the sewers. Blue eyes giving you a suspicious look. You were trying to sneak topside so you'd be out there before he was able to protest. "No, no, go ask Master Splinter to show you some stuff if you want something to do so badly."
• Pats you along back to the Lair, watching to make sure you actually go back inside
• If you DO end up out there with them, he's going to be stressing a little more than usual about the setup because it throws him off having someone he feels he needs to constantly look out for, unlike his brothers who are more or less self-sufficient. But you bet you're always going to be his first priority, no hesitation
Michelangelo:
• For once, the heightened senses of springtime had Mikey thinking slightly more rationally than usual
• "Babycakes, you sure you want to come? It's ugly out there, smells bad, full of dudes always asking for a beat-down, maybe you should stay." Ruffles your hair for reassurance. "We can play games when I get back!"
• Secretly tries to dissuade you from even wanting to go out with them in the first place with promises of fun back at home
• If you do go anyways, he's taking every chance to show off his nunchaku skills
• Gets annoyed at his siblings for taking your attention away from him (oop there's the possessiveness)
• Very touchy, constantly hanging off of you or trying to play-fight, sit close to you on the sofa, scoot his chair towards you at dinner, etc.
• You ask if you can go with them on their way out and you catch Mikey
• He smiles big and sheepishly shakes his head, "Sorry, y/n, not tonight! You're kickin' back in my beanbag tonight and hanging out, not running around New York." End of conversation. You try to say something, he interrupts you, thumping your shoulder. "I'll text you! See ya, angel!"
• More passive about his protectiveness and isn't so outright about it like Leo, but on the inside, still doesn't fully understand why he feels that way (even though Donnie has explained over and over again)
Donatello:
• "You want to come out with us? Not gonna work, y/n, this is real stuff," he said amicably, raising his brow ridges. "There's been a three-point-four percent increase in crime rate just around the next four blocks, and that's with us kicking tail every other night. Statistically, you're liable to become a target and..."
• Donnie gets real irritable in spring and tends to avoid his brothers, argues with Leo about about their rooming situation bc he wants to be alone (except for with you)
• Sets up an entire cozy corner in his lab for you to chill in while he's gone and hopes you'll use it, even though he'd definitely rather be home and not topside at this time
• When you ask him to tag along on their patrol, he starts spouting off all the reasons you shouldn't and ultimately wins that debate
• Compromises by letting you man his tracking/observation station and communicating with them on their missions from the sewers
• He actually loves knowing you're on tap while he's out in the city and he can just radio in whenever he feels like it
• "See, isn't being our control center way better?"
Raphael:
• Raph already has a huge attitude problem, make that tenfold in spring.
• Gets waaaaay too overprotective at times, verges on bothersome levels of spazzing over what you do and where you go
• "You wanna go on patrol? With us? Just, out in New York City? With the Foot? Ahah, ain't happening, y/n. 'You said 'maybe' last time?' Well, I'm sayin' no, this time. You'll be bored?" He shrugs. "Watch TV or something. But you're not comin'."
• If you do somehow manage to go (highly unlikely), he's going to be grumpy and complain the whole time because he's secretly just worried and his hormones are out of whack
• Gets overly aggressive defending you from anything and probably stirs up more conflict over it tbh
• "It ended up fine that time, but don't do that again, ya hear?" He doesn't want to seem like he cares too much, so he flicks your head. (That man is head over heels for you)
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt x reader#tmnt 2016#tmnt 2014#tmnt bayverse#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2012#tmnt leonardo#tmnt raphael#tmnt donatello#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt leo#tmnt raph#tmnt mikey#tmnt donnie#tmnt headcanons#tmnt requests#donatello#leonardo#raphael#michelangelo
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PALENTINES -
[ ot7 x reader ]
SINGLE LADIES 😁🔥
8 participants - 8 online
———————————
tae: gave my gf an hour long whimpering audio for valentines day
namjoon: you make me sick
jimin: this definitely counts as harassment
jk: yoongi got me a plastic fork
yoongi: yw
y/n: the audio was 5 minutes long????
tae: ok but i sent it to you 20 times
do the math????
jin: you sat there and whimpered into ur phone for 5 minutes that’s crazy
don’t you feel any shame??
tae: why would i feel shame?
it’s called being in love jin
you should try it sometime
jimin: it’s called harassment
hobi: ew man
jk: free asmr :D
jin: it’s gonna be free tae from jail soon
tae: no it won’t
jimin: ur right when you get locked up no one’s gonna want you free
hobi: KEEP TAE IN JAIL 🗣️💯
jk: personally i would want tae free
jimin: personally ur not real so it doesn’t matter what you want
jk: :ᗡ
hobi: ew how the hell did you flip it
i hate that
ew
jk: :ᗡ
hobi: HOW DID YOU DO THAT
jk: :ᗡ
hobi: STOP GO AWAY I HATE IT
namjoon: yoongi got jungkook a present this year?
yoongi: not by choice
y/n: it was by choice
hobi: it was a plastic fork
yoongi: a plastic fork not given by choice
y/n: yoongi
yoongi: no
y/n: please
yoongi: no
y/n: pretty please :3
yoongi: it was by choice
y/n: see told you!
yoongi: don’t understand why we have to buy each other shit on this holiday anyways
i like ONE of you not all of you
tae: am i the one you like be honest
yoongi: bye
y/n: it’s our silly little tradition don’t be a loser yoongi
yoongi: whatever
jin: ok anyways who ordered me a fucking marching band???
jk: idk but did you like it??
y/n: gonna take a wild guess and say it was jungkook
namjoon: i thought you have his card how did he order that??
y/n: he has apple pay now i can’t stop him 😕
hobi: wait no fair
jin did NOT deserve a marching band all he got me was his butter photocard???
jimin: he got me that too….
jk: OMG ME TOO >_<
tae: i don’t feel special anymore
namjoon: really jin?
y/n: mine was signed!!
yoongi: cheap
jin: you literally got kook a plastic fork?
yoongi: he loves it
jungkook tell him you love it
jk: i love it
yoongi: see
jin: whatever don’t care
jimin: namjoon got me a fucking book
jin: lol that’s crazy cuz you can’t read
jk: i’m sorry to hear you can’t read jimin hope you can soon :/
namjoon: i put a lot of thought into the book i got you
jin: that’s cute but he can’t read so
jk: i wish i was a book
tae: if you’re a book does that make you a tree?
jk: guys
y/n: no jungkook
jk: oh ok
jimin: i CAN read btw
yoongi: don’t care
jin: sounds like fake news
jk: omg wow ur a fast learner jimin you can read now!!!
jimin: ur talking way too much today
you should stop
jk: is he talking to me????
hobi: y/n got me a holiday to australia
i’m not gonna go cuz like bugs
but that was really nice
y/n: you’re welcome!!!!
tae: k but i got sex
y/n deleted this message!
tae: 😕
silencing me like they did MLK
jimin: what
jk: milk
hobi: did you just compare urself to mlk?
jin: yeah never say that again
tae: why not?? it’s true
yoongi: you are nothing like mlk
jk: tae ur not milk
namjoon: taehyung do not compare yourself to martin luther king ever again please and thank you
jk: or milk
y/n: and in black history month too…
tae: you don’t understand me or him
y/n: yeah ok
back to gifts
joon got me some really pretty flowers
jimin: boringggggggg he does that every year
jk: namjoon got me wood
hobi: ?
namjoon: statue
it’s a wooden statue thing
not just wood
tae: joon giving other boys wood for valentines ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
u wanna know who i gave MY wood too
y/n deleted this message!
namjoon: tae shut up
jin: saw that
tae: i’m just like mlk i’m telling you man
y/n: stop
tae: sorry
jimin: hobi got me shoes
hobi: i did
jk: hobi got me cheese
hobi: expensive cheese
y/n: i took yoongi to those cute photo booth things
yoongi: they didn’t need to know that
y/n: yes they did
we are sharing what we got each other
read the room yoongi
jimin: yeah yoongi read the room
tae: how tf u read a room??!
a room not a book ☠️☠️
u guys dumb as hell
jin: you not knowing what reading a room means makes a lot of sense actually
jk: send photobooth pics ^0^
bet u looked so cute
not you yoongi
y/n
her
not yoongi
i’m talking to y/n NOT you yoongi btw
yoongi: shut up
and no
you’ll never see those photos
jk: ☹️
hobi: so what did yoongi get y/n??
yoongi: don’t worry
tae: personally i’m worried
jk: me 2 guys yoongi is really scary
what if he killed her
y/n: ?
jin: i want to blow jungkook up
jk: i’m no ballon 😭
jimin: probably fucked for valentines let’s be real
tae: well that’s obviously NOT true lmao 😜 ☠️
yoongi: why is that “obviously” not true
we could of
tae: you didn’t
yoongi: and you know how?
tae: cuz i just know
yoongi: yeah ok
we could of for all you know
on the actual day too
tae: you weren’t even with her on valentine’s day
yoongi: and you were?
y/n: he wasn’t
tae: ok
but i could of been
yoongi: but clearly you weren’t
tae: neither were you
namjoon: both of you stop
tae: idk why yoongi acts all high a mighty
especially when it comes to her
y/n: ok that’s crazy
how about you don’t talk about me like i’m not here!
yoongi: idk why taehyung acts like he has a chance lmao
jk: guys
tae: that’s actually crazy
you’d be fucking surprised yoongi!!!!
yoongi: what’s that supposed to mean?
tae: what do you think it means?
tell me yoongi
guess
i’ll tell you if you’re right or not
yoongi: shut the fuck up
tae: or what?
hobi: why this kinda sexualllll
jimin: like 😭😭😭😭
y/n: LMAO STOP
jin: arguing over pussy that belongs to neither of them is crazy i’m just saying
jk: pussy \ ^0^ /
namjoon: how about we all stop arguing and move back to talking about the gifts we got eachother !!
hobi: jungkook got me a ballon
jk: yeah
do you love it
hobi: sure
jk: ^_^
jimin: personally i think hobi’s lying to you kook
jk: WHAT
jimin: i think he hates his ballon actually
jk: hobi pls say he’s lying
hobi: he’s lying
you see it may seem that way because on the outside im a very chill and nonchalant man
y/n: that is not true actually!
hobi: but on inside i am actually very chalant
EXTREMELY chalant no joke
so basically inside im going fucking crazy over the ballon jungkook gave me but it just doesn’t seem like that cuz im a chill guy
jk: but inside ur chalant
hobi: exactly
jk: jimin why would you lie to me
jimin: ur easy to lie to
jk: no im not
jimin: namjoon died in a car crash 24 hours ago
jk: NO NAMJOON OHHMYGOD NAMJOON NO
namjoon: i am not dead
jk: oh
y/n: how did you fall for that
namjoon cant even drive
jk: oh yeah
lol namjoon cant drive guys
namjoon: ok we all know
hobi: so what did you guys actually do on valentine’s day
jk: minecraft but then it got too scary so i played valorant instead
jimin: idk what any of that means but ok
i personally watched movies with joon
namjoon: yeah
i dropped by kook’s and y/n’s place first tho to give my gifts and stuff
hobi: where was my movie invite?????
jimin: we did call you
you were like high as hell
hobi: oh
wow
how real of me
jin: i cooked steak
jimin: for urself?
typical
jin: kys
no
for me and y/n actually
y/n: …
jin: my fault
yoongi: what
tae: oh
jk: SHE SAID SHE WAS BUSY
TTAHSTNOT FAIIROGJKFNKLDVLKFNKLFHKLNNDKVHNFKVNKLGNGR UFHDFHDKJ GHDKLNGFKLNGFG FHJDJHHGR DHGGRHBDNBF JGHKJGHGR
hobi: ????????????????????
namjoon: cool
jimin: jin???? out of everyone JIN??????
why would you fuck jin
jk: WHATR OHMYGOF WHAT?????? SHUT UP
jimin: on valentine’s day too…..
even fucking ME would make more sense than jin right now
jin: tf is that supposed to mean?
jimin: i said what i said lmao
tae: she cant of fucked jin
cuz she’s fucking me
yoongi: LMAOOOO
u really think your special dont you
thats crazy
jk: WHYIS EVERYONEFUCKING MY GIRLFRIENDOHMGYOJFDJFDKJDSDB
hobi: i dont get it even if she was fucking tae why couldn’t she fucked jin too?
y/n: i am like right here you know
tae: because me and her are serious
yoongi: serious???
you are just a rebound
tae: yoongi i think you’re just upset she didn’t come to you first after the whole jaehyun thing
yoongi: i’m glad she didn’t actually because now i know for sure i’m not rebound
you are
tae: shut the fuck up
yoongi: why? you getting upset?
idk why you’re acting like the victim here when you’re using her for the same thing
hobi: woah??
jimin: cap taehyung bitchless
yoongi: it’s time you stop using y/n to get over jennie and grow some fucking balls
jin: hold on
jimin: WAITTTTTTTT
hobi: SHUT FUCKING DOWN FR????
jk: imgonnapassout
y/n: oh
namjoon: yoongi
tae: i am not using y/n to get over jennie and you know that
hobi: wait ur fr??? taejennie was fr??
LIKE ACTUALLY?? OHMYGIDTHISISREAL??
yoongi: i know that? thats crazy how could i know that??
you didn’t even tell us about jennie
for over 3 months you were with her and you didn’t tell us
and then those photos of you and her were leaked and you were all depressed for ”no reason”
and now all of a sudden your obsession with y/n?
yeah you’re not using her you’re right i’m just fucking stupid aren’t i?
jimin: holy shit man
tae: i am not using her
yoongi: so why is yeontan with jennie right now?
y/n: tae you told me he was with you parents?
tae: yeah
but
i didn’t tell you that because im using you or anything i just said that because i didn’t want to cause any problems
y/n: you lied to me
for no reason
if you told me the truth it would of been fine
tae: i know
y/n: so when i came over
were you planing on sleeping with me anyways?
were you mad at yourself for calling jennie and leaving yeontan with her?
did you use me to help forget about it?
tae: did you use me to help get over jaehyun?
y/n: no
i can tell you that in full confidence no
now answer my question
tae: you know i would never do that to you
y/n: its a yes or no question taehyung
tae: i would never do that to you
yoongi: yes or no you asshole
tae: shut the fuck up
yoongi: answer her question
tae: leave me the fuck alone
tae left “SINGLE LADIES😁🔥”
jk: wow
y/n: didn’t sleep with jin btw
jk: ohthankgod
y/n: did sleep with tae once
we are NOT serious
jk: double ohthankgod
wait
y/n: and now i am going to sleep
jungkook come cuddle
gn all
jk: ON MY WAY OHMYGOD IM ON MY WAY
gn
jimin: good night …
hobi: nite!!
yoongi: gn
jin: goodnight
namjoon: gn
DOWNBAD😭🫵🏻 #2 (minus tae)
6 participants - 5 online
———————————
namjoon: yoongi that wasn’t fair
yoongi: i know
but she deserved to know
and he wasn’t gonna tell her any time soon
hobi: YOU AND NAMJOON KNEW THIS TAEJENNIE WAS REAL THIS WHOLE TIME????
yoongi: i just found out
namjoon knew longer
namjoon: not that long
jimin: ok but how do you know tae is using her fr?
yoongi: it’s not hard to connect the dots
jin: still you could be wrong
yoongi: well he didn’t deny it did he?
jimin: to me it looked like he didn’t know if he was using her or not
yoongi: well he needs to figure that out soon it’s not fair to her
or him ig
but mainly her.
—
hate this don’t care about anything bring back yellow….
tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks
#bts crack#bts fanfic#bts fluff#bts imagines#bts fic#bts text#bts x reader#btsxy/n#btsxyou#namjoon × reader#jin x reader#yoongi > reader#hoseok × reader#jimin x reader#taehyung × reader#jungkook × reader#bts texts#rm x reader#suga reader#vx reader#hope x reader#hobix reader#bts fake chats#bts incorrect texts
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hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.
i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)
but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics
that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc
but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”
not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone
i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention
but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.
anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others
i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)
i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.
hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love
- ellie
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giving the people what they want 🙏
warnings: ofc swearing and yes we get VERY freaky yet AGAIN, y/n refers to herself as kk’s controversially young gf bc i think it’s funny, deal w it
—-
you: babe we should do this trend
kk: yes come over
kk: don’t even have to film it i’ll do it for free
you: i know u wanna kiss me 💋
kk: i think that’s obvious
you: no it’s a tik tok sound
kk: ok great come over and kiss me
you: ok… calm down… i’m coming
kk: really???
you: what is wrong with u.
kk: i’m sorry plz forgive me ma’am
—-
you: come over
kk: yes i’m omw
you: amazing response time btw
—-
YOU: WHWN THEY CALLED OFF THE CIRCUS BURNED THR DISCO DOWN WHEN THEY SENT HOME THE HORSED AND THE RODEO CLOWNS IM STILL OM THAT TIGHTROPE IM STILL TRYING EVERYTHING TO GET U LAUGHINF AT ME AND IM STILK A BELIEVER BUT I DONT KNOW WHY IVE NEVER BEEN A NATURAL ALL I DO IS TRY TRY TRY IM STILL ON THAT TRAPEZE IM STILK TRYING EVERYTHING TO KEEP U LOOKING AF ME
kk: is this taylor swift?
you: omg u got it right?? i’m so proud ❤️
kk: i learned from the best 💪
—-
you: why do u have no food in ur apartment
kk: ?? we have food
you: literally here rn and u don’t
kk: me and laila went shopping yesterday babe
you: *laila and i
kk: same thing
kk: i’m sure u can find something
you: i cant and im starving
kk: baby there’s food
you: i’m never eating again bye
you: i hate u healthy freaks
you: buy potato chips like normal ppl
kk: okay baby
…
you: i was hangry im sorry
kk: i figured 😂 no worries babe
kk: did u eat?
you: yes i had to doordash tho
kk: 🙄
—-
kk: i love u
you: PLEASE DONT KYS
kk: what????
you: i’m sorry it’s an automatic response
you: i love u too ❤️
kk: u confuse me sometimes
you: then i’m succeeding at being ur controversially young gf who’s references u don’t understand 🫡
—-
you: do u hate me?
kk: no ofc not
you: are u sure?
kk: yes i’m sure where is this coming from babe?
you: u let go of my hand earlier ☹️
kk: babe are u fr rn?
you: bye u hate me ok i’ll just see myself out
kk: and i’ll just drag u right back in bc i don’t hate u
kk: when did i even let go of ur hand?
you: when u were adjusting the bags ☹️
kk: ok so
kk: i let go of ur hand for one second to adjust the shopping bags i was carrying for u and u think i hate u?
you: yes exactly
you: do u?
kk: i love u my very clingy girl 😂
—-
kk: what is aura?
you: like aura points or the actual metaphysical thing
you: pls use it in a sentence
kk: “this dance is giving u negative aura points”
you: ok translation: doing this dance makes u look like a fucking loser
you: basically it’s like coolness
you: like if i tell someone “outfit gives u +1000 aura points” i’m basically saying like ur fit ate
kk: oh i see
kk: thank u baby
you: controversially young gf to the rescue 🫡
kk: u do realize ur not that much younger than me right
kk: like it’s not controversial
you: can u let me have this.
kk: okay baby ur my controversially young gf
you: thank u very much ❤️
—-
you: stop cheating on me.
kk: excuse me?
kk: i’m literally standing across from u. we’re in the same room right now
you: tell that bitch to back off before i do
kk: are u jealous?
you: obviously not. come here now
you: please
kk: yes ma’am
kk: i don’t even know who ur talking about btw
you: the blonde?
kk: i was genuinely too busy looking at u to notice
—-
you: omg this is so us.
kk: it’s a deer and a raccoon??
you: u just don’t get it…
kk: what is there to get
you: see the deer is me and u are the raccoon and the raccoon is hugging and kissing the deer
you: bc like ur so clingy
kk: unfortunately that makes sense
—-
you: i miss you
kk: yeah baby?
you: please come over
kk: i cant rn babe
you: please baby i miss u so muchhhh
kk: i’m sorryyyy sweetheart
kk: i’ll see what i can do but probably in an hour yeah?
you: that’s too long
you: come over now
kk: i’m sorry babe i cant
you: please caroline
you: i need you
kk: 30 mins
you: i need u really badly though…
kk: 20 minutes i promise
you: caroline please i really really need u rn
you: u know where i need u
kk: be there in 5
—-
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