#tysha x tyrion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

promptthebear · 1 year

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Oh my god I just found you through AO3! I'm so excited to read your other works! If you wouldn't mind, I would love to hear some of your headcannons for Tyrion! 🧺

Okay, so I thought a lot about this one and well, this is what I decided on so hopefully it’s okay 🫣

In my defence, I’ve been lurking on the Tyrion x Reader tag for a loooong while and always secretly hoped someone would do this first but unfortunately not so here goes.

PS. This ended up being so long holy shit. Some of these prompts ending up being almost mini fics in their own right. Wish I could say I'm sorry about it...but my Mom taught me not to lie so.

🔥Tyrion Lannister NSFW Alphabet🔥

CW: Brief mentions of canon typical assault and violence. Discussions of soft dom/sub dynamics. Also what it says on the tin, discussions of sex and sexual content.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Say it with me now, this man is an aftercare KING. To him, it’s almost as important as the main event, a good story needs a satisfying epilogue after all.

This is partially from his years of experience, but also his own desire to feel loved. We all know Tyrion’s met his needs exclusively with sex workers since Tysha left his life. He knows how awful it is to wake to an empty bed and cold sheets, but is also very much aware that’s part and parcel with the life he’s chosen.

When you come around, whether that’s through a spontaneous relationship or an arranged marriage, Tyrion wants to give you the full benefit of all he has to offer. It’s pretty normal for you to spend hours cuddled up in bed, basking in the after glow, talking about nothing in particular and feeding each other little bites of food and sips of wine.

If you’re really lucky, Tyrion might also read a little to you from whatever book he’s got on hand. He loves nothing more than to have you rest your head against his bare chest while he murmurs into your hair about history or herb sciences or whatever’s caught his interest this week.

Tyrion also isn’t opposed to helping you clean up or having a shared bath. You can bet he’d be extremely gentle and attentive, taking extra care with anywhere on your body that may be sore or sensitive. He’ll also get frequently distracted from the task at hand to stop and tell you how beautiful you are, how much he cares about you and to cover your face and body in soft kisses.

This man just has a lot of love to give, and when you have his trust and commitment, he’s going to be thrilled at finally having someone to share it with. Every once and awhile, you’ll catch him running his hands over your body while you’re together, like he’s trying to memorize every inch before you disappear. Enjoy those moments, it means he’s finally starting to let his walls down and accept you’re sticking with him for good.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Okay, so these two are going to be really obvious but I’ll explain, I promise. There’s not a lot Tyrion likes about himself. He’s accepted what he is, but that doesn’t mean he always likes it. However, when pressed he’ll admit that what he’s most proud of are his mind and his cock.

His mind is a given. It’s what keeps him alive and valuable in the political minefield that is King’s Landing. Without that, who knows what would have happened to him? He also loves when he can use his wit to make you smile or gods willing, laugh. Your laughter is the most precious sound in the world to Tyrion and he loves that he can be the cause behind it.

As for his cock, well, it’s mentioned in the books that Tyrion feels like in the dark, he feels and can be the same as any other man. He truly seems to feel that in the bedroom, it’s the one other place his size doesn’t matter. His equipment works as well as anyone else’s, and he’s very proud of all the pleasure it brings you.

When it comes to his lover, Tyrion really only has two priorities. He likes breasts and a good heart. Everything else is just gravy.

Based on his love scenes with Shae in the books, I feel like Tyrion is a big fan of boobs. He even jokes about it when he meets Oberyn about how a tit in his mouth is the only thing that can still stop him fussing. Also, see the gif above lol. Whenever he’s had a hard day, Tyrion wants nothing more than to open your dress, and bury his face into your chest where he can lose himself in the softness of your skin and scent of your perfume.

Breast size also isn’t a deal breaker for Tyrion. As far as he’s concerned, any breasts of any shape or size are wonderful. If you’ve ever felt self conscious about what’s in your corset, that won’t be a problem after Tyrion’s got his hands on you. He spends so much time caressing and kissing them that you start to love them as much as he does. And if anyone makes any snide remarks about you not being well endowed enough? Well, Tyrion’s got some extra creative ways to make them reconsider that train of thought.

Above all else though, he needs someone kind. He’s been surrounded with liars and people who are trying to manipulate him for so long, that in the end he figures that's all there is for him. Of course, the second he realizes hes with someone a little too like Cersi or any number of the social climbers at court, then things are going to go tits up. That relationship will crash and burn so quickly, and the fall out is incredibly messy. Tyrion will then turn to drink and brothels to lessen his pain, meets a new distraction who smells an opportunity and the vicious cycle starts all over again. Which is not to say any of the women Tyrion finds himself with during this time are to blame for being insincere, they're trying to survive same as anyone else and hes a promising meal ticket.

If anything, the fault for this lies with Tyrion’s own self destructive tendencies and all the bullshit Tywin’s put into his head over the years. His father has allowed his son so few opportunities to have love and be loved, that whether he knows it or not, Tyrion keeps choosing poor matches to keep one step ahead of Tywin and be hurt on his own terms. Heartbreak is heartbreak, but having pain you control is slightly better than having it forced on you at any given moment.

The best chance you have of breaking this pattern and actually have a genuine relationship with Tyrion is by being sweet with him. He’s going to fight it at first, kindness is so alien to him that he takes it as exploitation at face value and will either brush it aside with a well placed quip or outright deny it to your face. Have a little patience. Tyrion has wrapped his hurt around his heart like a protective shell, but once he realizes you’re different and truly care about him, hooo boy. The flood of affection and loyalty you’ll get from him will be unparalleled, so it’s well worth the wait.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Over the years, Tyrion’s found some pretty creative places to deposit his seed. It just kind of happens when you frequent brothels exclusively. As much as those places PROMISE the women won't give you a bastard, pretty words don't mean a whole lot when an unplanned child shows up on your doorstep, so Tyrion’s learned to be extra cautious.

If the two of you aren’t married or just casual lovers, Tyrion will probably keep that same practice if only to preserve your honour. Your mouth, breasts and stomach are perfectly good options as far as he’s concerned, be ready to hear some “pearl necklace” jokes out of him.

If the two of you are married though? Inside, hands down, 100%. With your consent that’s always where he wants to finish, both because of the closeness it creates between the two of you and also the added benefit of possibly getting you pregnant. To Tyrion, this is a true testament to how much you love and trust him, and a way to mark you to others as his and his alone. Just knowing you want to be with him and bear his children can be as much of a turn on for him as the actual sex itself.

Sometimes when he’s done, he’ll sit back and spread your legs to have a nice, long look at his handiwork. It‘s just so satisfying to see his cum dripping out of your cunt, and odds are this’ll have him raring to go again before your first orgasm is completely out of your system. The two of you won’t have any problems producing an heir, trust me.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There’s not a lot Tyrion keeps to himself when it comes to sex. He’s a pretty open book, and when you’ve visited every brothel from the North to the last port before the Free Cities, sometimes your secrets get told for you.

However, the one thing Tyrion’s managed to keep out of public knowledge is an ongoing fantasy he’s had about fucking his lover or wife in his father’s bedroom at Casterly Rock.

It’s not that Tyrion wants to be his father necessarily, as much as he jokes about being Tywin made again on half the scale. It’s more so about taking control in a way that would shock and appall Tywin, with a hint of added vengeance for what happened to Tysha. His father has had his fingers in Tyrion’s private matters for so long that he’d love nothing more than to finally turn the tables and truly make Casterly Rock his “whorehouse” like Tywin’s always feared.

I don’t think this is a fantasy he’d ever admit to anyone though, not even to you, no matter how drunk he gets or how long you’ve been together. It’s too strange and too petty to suggest to anyone…right?

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

We all know it, our boy has had more lovers in the short time he’s been alive than some men will ever see in a thousand lifetimes. The benefit to this, though, is he’s had some amazing teachers and has learned some pretty special skills he can’t wait to try with you.

If you’re a virgin when the two of you meet or married, then Tyrion will take excellent care of you, making sure you’re safe, comfortable and cumming until you don’t know your own name. But if you're on the more experienced side? Well, get ready to be put through your paces, Tyrion wants to see what you’re really made of and maybe show you some new things along the way.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Now, Tyrion’s tried every position in recorded human history and invented some new ones just for kicks. But, unfortunately, if there’s a significant height difference between you two then his size is something you'll need to be mindful of. There are some positions that just won't be comfortable or even pleasurable for either of you, regardless of foreplay or flexibility.

Since he’s aware and very accepting of his limitations, there are a few tried and true positions Tyrion falls back on because he’s found that they’re consistently enjoyable for both him and his partner, while still allowing for some variation.

The first of these is, unsurprisingly, cowgirl. Having you on top is the easiest way to negate any major differences in height or physicality. It’s also a lot less painful for Tyrion’s legs, and allows him easy access to your clit and breasts, as well as having full view of your face so he can gauge your enjoyment. This position also affords itself to different paces, whether you're going for something soft and sweet with gentle words whispered between quiet grasps, or something more frantic and rougher where Tyrion meets you thrust for thrust by grabbing hold of your ass and pushing his hips up against yours.

There’s also just something about letting you have control of your pleasure and the sight of you hovering above him like some kind of sensual goddess that leaves Tyrion entranced. He absolutely loves watching you come undone above him, every slight shift in your expression, every little noise you make, they’re all incredibly precious to him. If he’s ever particularly distracted in his work, if he’s messing up his sums or seems miles away listening to petitions at court, you know it’s because he’s reliving these beautiful moments again in his mind and wondering how to make next time even better for the two of you.

Now, while Tyrion values sex for the romance and intimacy it can create between partners, there are also many times where he’s in desperate need of stress relief and the only way he’s going to get it is by fucking it out of you. On days where court has gone on for longer than usual, or the council is being extra stupid or Joffery has somehow managed to reach new levels of depravity yet again, the only position Tyrion is interested in is doggy style.

Everything about this position with him is going to be fast, rough, and probably a little messy. As soon as you’ve given him the go ahead, he’s pushing you onto the nearest flat surface and rucking your skirts and petticoats up to your navel. Any foreplay you have is going to be rushed, Tyrion’s not normally a selfish lover but when he gets like this, all he wants is to have you ready enough so as not to cause you pain. You can expect him to work you over quickly with two of his fingers thrust into your cunt and his mouth attacking your clit relentlessly. The second he feels you start getting wet, it’s all he can do to mutter “turn over” between clenched teeth and then he’s on you like a man possessed

From this point, the best advice I can give you is to hang on for dear life, because this isn’t going to be the Tyrion you’re used to. He’s basically going to use you like a human cocksleeve, gripping onto fistfuls of your skirts and thrusting into you at breakneck speeds. The change in angle would also allow him to hit that spot inside you that makes you see stars, again and again. It’s both too much and not enough all at once, and you’d be a whimpering mess within minutes, not that Tyrion would take any notice. Normally, he’s very attentive but in this moment he’d been far too concerned with chasing his own pleasure, a far off look in hi eye as he grunts and moans softly with each push of his hips.

When he finally cums, it’s like some strange spell over him finally breaks. He’d bed over your back, shoving his face against the fabric of your dress to muffle his half strangled cry. You’d be pretty much collapsed at this point, your elbows long since given out supporting you in the face of so many quick fire orgasms. Tyrion would pull out of you, shaky and breathing hard, and somehow manage to walk on wobbling legs around to where he can look you in the eye. He’d push your sweaty hair back from your face, and cup your flushed cheeks in his hands like he’s afraid you might break into a thousand pieces.

The first words out of his mouth would then be “I’m sorry” as he pulls you into his waiting embrace and brings up a hand to cup the back of your head. He’d hold you like that for a long while, apologizing profusely for being so rough with you and explaining about all the bullshit he endured today, and how thankful he is that he can come home and have you here to take care of him. He’d be so worried he’s hurt you, and all but weeps in relief when you manage a tired smile and a soft “It’s alright. I know, things have been tough on you. You didn’t hurt me, I’m okay.” Expect lots of extra attention from him and treats tonight, as well as a long hot bath in your future.

When Tyrion isn’t trying to screw his problems away, I can also see him actually enjoying missionary a fair bit. While it isn’t the most ideal position, he can’t kiss you as much as he wants and being on his knees for so long will have his legs spasming for awhile afterwards, it does have its merits. He loves being able to play with your clit so easily, and the feel of your ankles hooking around his back. This position also gives him the perfect angle to bury his face in your breasts and he’s cum like that on more than one occasion.

Tyrion is also a bit of a romantic at heart, though he wouldn’t admit that for love or money. The fact that this position is so traditional in its essence is actually something he really enjoys. It reminds him of his first time with Tysha, the two of them fumbling and in love and having no clues about sex beyond this one basic thing. There’s so little that hearkens back to happier times in Tyrion’s life, the few things that allow him to do so, he’ll want to cherish them at every opportunity.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Oh gods, Tyrion is secretly the biggest goofball. You see a little bit of it in the books when he’s teasing Tysha and Shae, and if you’re receptive to that kind of thing he’ll be more than happy to provide it for you. This man could be buried in you to the hilt and pausing to crack jokes. If someone happens to fart or make a strange sound or maybe experience a sudden onset cramp? No worries, Tyrion will take it in stride with plenty good humour.

When you’ve had sex as many times as he has, you quickly realize it’s not as pretty or seamless as the stories and songs often depict. In the real world, people and their bodies are flawed. Things don’t always go as planned even when you’re being intimate, and being able to experience everything you have to offer no matter how embarrassing is what Tyrion considers to be one of the many pleasures of being with you. Besides, if you don’t laugh at yourself first, other people don’t hesitate to do it for you, so why not beat them to the punch?

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the caret match the drapes? etc.)

So I feel like shaving and waxing isn’t really a “thing” in Westeros, outside maybe some of the more exotic brothels closer to the Free Cities and such. This means that Tyrion goes au naturel so to speak, and while he’s not as hairy as some men, he’s got a healthy patch of thick, reddish blonde curls down there. If it’s causing you discomfort or itching, he’d be happy to trim it back the same way he would his beard but I doubt he’d ever go completely bare down there either.

The added benefit of this is also that Tyrion wouldn’t expect you to remove your pubic hair either. If anything, he’d probably be a little uncomfortable with the idea? It would make you seem almost child-like, which would most certainly turn him off completely. He wants to be with a grown woman, and all that implies. A little hair isn’t going to bother him any.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

So, if the two of you are friends with benefits or this is a “transactional” relationship let’s say, Tyrion isn’t going to really push for intimacy. This is mostly because he doesn’t want to get too close to you, in case it gets him hurt again. He’ll be friendly and respectful, but don't expect any spontaneous compliments during sex or for him to stay with you too long afterwards. As far as he’s concerned, that kind of entanglement doesn’t end well for anyone involved but we also know this man is going to have a hard time keeping his emotions out of it no matter how hard he tries.

If the two of you are married or have a committed relationship? Oh. My. God. Extra won’t even begin to cover it.

A much as he claims to be selfish and cynical, Tyrion’s a giver by nature. When he falls for you, he’s going to fall hard and he’ll want to let you know any way he can. He’ll basically be spouting off the cuff poetry while the two of you are having sex with the compliments he’s giving. He’ll shower you with sweet talk, kisses, anything you want. If you’re a rose petal and candle kind of gal, you can expect that too. If he can’t provide what you want, he’ll learn how to or find a way to get it for you. Hell, if you mention your favourite colour to him even just in passing, he'd probably redecorate his bedhcambers to suit your preference. After a lifetime of being treated like dogshit, you’d have this man wrapped around your little finger, so please please please be kind to him.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

It’s pretty much book canon that Tyrion jerks off…a lot, and while his preference is always going to be to look to you for his needs, unfortunately his job calls him away a lot. If he’s especially fond of you, he might even move you out of Kings Landing entirely and into The Rock at the first opportunity, just to keep you safe. When distance is an obstacle, he’d probably go back to the company of his hands most evenings, though now he’s at least got you to fantasize about. Don’t be surprised if one of your scarves or hair ribbons or even some of your smallclothes go missing right after Tyrion leaves home again. You’ll get them back, I promise, your lover just needs a little “motivation” while he’s away.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Acts of service/ Service dom: So, most of his life, Tyrion’s had to take care of himself and also has been denied a lot of opportunities to offer his care to other people. The result of this is that he craves any chance to experience either, especially where any kind of intimacy is involved. I truly see Tyrion as a switch, so he’ll want to use acts of service as both the submissive and dominant partner, even if Westeros hasn’t provided the vocabulary to label these experiences as such.

For example, he loves taking care of you. If you want him to brush your hair, he’s happy to comply. Help you dress yourself if your maid’s been “given the morning off?” Yes ma’am. Run you a bath and assist you with washing? Say the word and hes there. Now, in these moments you may appear to be the dominant one, but thats nowhere close to the truth. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you’re giving Tyrion the power and control, but he’d never take advantage of it. At most, he’s a soft dom. He may occasionally give orders or make decisions for you, but he does so only after reminding you that you can ask him to stop at any time.

This is also just such a self indulgent fantasy, but I can see him being the type of dom to make a pet out of his lover? Not pet play exactly, but he’d refer to you as his “good girl” or precious one and have you sit, naked and kneeling on a silk pillow while your head resting on his thigh as he works or reads. He'd stop often to stroke your hair or speak to you softly, or maybe feed you a tasty little morsel or give you a sip of wine if you were willing. Theres no sadomasochism about this situation though, it comes from a place of nurturing and Tyrions desire to provide for you to the point where you don't have to do a thing for yourself.

When Tyrion plays the submissive, it looks very different. Your role as the dominant would be to assert yourself as a caretaker as well, so Tyrion actually takes a break from working and focuses on some selfcare for once. This can include massaging his back and legs, drawing a hot bath and helping him clean up or feeding him dinner, bite by bite. Tyrion would be the most willing submissive, and though he grumbles on principle he wouldn’t be bratty or need any sort of punishment besides maybe a gentle scolding now and again. Reaching this level of trust and intimacy with you is like his ultimate fantasy, so much of his life demands that he be in control that relinquishing it, even for a few hours, would be nothing short of paradise.

Overstimulation: So, we all know, Tyrion’s a very skilled lover. He knows tricks with his mouth and fingers that would surprise even Oberyn Martell, and he can make you cum faster than you ever thought possible. He loves to do this again and again, until you’re a shaking, babbling mess, only to push one more orgasm out of you. He really just wants to give you as much pleasure as you can take at any given moment and then a little more just because he loves you. It also can become sort of a competition thing between the two of you? I can absolutely see him looking up from between your legs, your release still on his lips while he smirks and you let out a “Fuck!” that indicates you’ve cum yet again. He’d give your cunt a gentle pat, arch his brow and ask “Do you think she’s had enough?” to which you’d let out a huff and stubbornly announce “Not even close” only to regret those words when you find yourself limping around the castle the next day.

The Book Game: I don’t know what else to call this, but basically that thing where you read something while your partner pleasures or fucks you and if you moan you don’t get to cum yet? This would be Tyrion’s absolute FAVOURITE thing, as it involves the best of both worlds, literature and sex. Watch out though, this man plays dirty and will probably hand you an erotic novel just make things more interesting.

Mutual masturbation: I don’t know why, but I just feel like Tyrion would be into this??? It probably comes back to how he wants to feel desirable and have someone look at him in all his naked glory without any outright disgust. If the two of you are doing this, expect Tyrion to light more than the usual amount of candles. He just wants to see you, to bask in your beauty as you get yourself off. Bonus points if he’s allowed to give you instructions while you do so.

Body worship: Oh Lord, is Tyrion ever into this one. If it’s your first time, he’d probably just do it to increase your pleasure and comfort with him touching you. And then it turns into a habit. The first time he does it, it’s while he’s undressing you. With your consent, he’d carefully remove your clothing and kiss each new inch of bared skin like his life depends on it. It’s only when you’re tingling all over and practically begging him to fuck you that he’d relent. Afterwards, I can see him making sort of a silly game out of it, naming each part of you he likes best before kissing on that same spot. Spoiler alert though, he loves all of you so he’s going to kiss everywhere.

Marking: Yes, but only for love bites and hickies. It’s a point of personal pride for Tyrion to show everyone that not only are you his, but you are more than happy to let him love on you. I can imagine that Cersi or his father are giving him shit one morning at breakfast because you aren’t pregnant yet, only for the two of them to immediately shut up when you walk into the dining room with a massive, fuck off hickey nestled in your cleavage. Tyrion would smirk into his coffee, and then wrap his arm around you shoulder and plant a kiss on your temple after you sit down next to him. You'd probably be beet red, knowing everyone is staring and why, but Tyrion doesn’t give a single fuck. He’d look his family dead in the face and ask “Anything else to add?” but all he’d get is a stony silence from Cersi and some derisive muttering from Tywin. At the very least, you’d have a few peaceful meals for a little while.

Spoiling: So this one is a little dicey. On the one hand, Tyrion doesn’t appreciate feeling like he’s being used for his family’s money. On the other hand, it’s deeply satisfying to him to use said money to get you whatever your little heart desires. All you have to do is mention you like something in passing and it’s yours. If you have any particular hobbies, Tyrion will make sure you’re well stocked with any supplies you need to do them. He also loves keeping you adorned in the finest jewels. I’ve always had a personal headcanon that he’d give his wife a very extravagant House Lannister pendant, a golden lion the size of your fist with ruby eyes on a thick, braided chain. Tywin would of course gripe at him for the extravagance, which Tyrion would wave off without a second thought. Also, he'd probably fuck you at some point while you’re wearing it lol.

Lingerie: The selection available in Westeros for this kind of thing probably isn’t super extensive, but what is available Tyrion will take full advantage of. It really gets him all hot and bothered that he’s the only one who gets to see you in this kind of stuff, and the feel of silk and lace under his fingers is an added bonus in an already pleasurable experience.

Praise Kink: Oh gods above and below, does Tyrion ever have a praise kink. Hardly anyone has had a kind word for this man in his whole life, so when he does hear any he goes completely feral. Please, tell him what a good boy he is and how good he’s making you feel and how handsome he is. He will absolutely lose his goddamn mind, as well as sell his soul to you on the spot. Tyrion will also return the favour if that’s something you want. He’s going to lavish on the compliments and flattery every chance he has, he’ll tell you you’re his stunning goddess of love and beauty and mean every word from the bottom of his heart.

Breeding: It takes a lot of work to get him to admit it, but I truly think Tyrion wants to be a father. Not because of any Lannister legacy bullshit like Tywin, he’d be thrilled if you gave him a pack of daughters. It’s more so that he really just wants to have a family of his own and to try and give his children the love he was denied in his own childhood. He’d be nervous about it at first, what if his children are too much like him? What if he loses you during the birth? Give him lots of patience and reassurance and before you know it, he’s dragging you off to put a babe in your belly ASAP.

Part of the attraction for Tyrion is watching you go through the experience of being pregnant. He loves your baby bump and your soft breasts. If the hormones have you riled, he’d be incredibly gentle while making love to you, not wanting to hurt you or the baby. He’d rub your ankles if they’re sore and have the maesters make hot compresses if your back hurts from carrying his child. You’re so beautiful to him like this, and any complaints about weight gain or stretch marks would be silenced with deep, open mouthed kisses. As long as it’s not any danger to you and you’re happy being a mother, Tyrion wants you pregnant as often as you can be. Don’t be surprised if you have a few “stepladder twins” who are less than a year apart.

It also comes back to a possession thing. Having you bear his children is the best way he can think of to show the world who you belong to. It would also be the one thing that would get Tywin off his back about “an heir and a spare” while deeply infuriating the man because there’s no way anyone would tolerate his son to conceive even one child, let alone two, but here you are all the same. Tyrion would be extra attentive to you while you’re pregnant in public, taking every opportunity he can to rest his hand on your growing belly and caress it gently. Even if people stare, he doesn’t give a shit. He’s proud of you and the baby you’re going to have, those idiots are just jealous because they know it’ll be the most beautiful child in all of Westeros and their little sprogs could never compete.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Now, even if the two of you were married while the Lannisters are in the Red Keep, Tyrion will point blank refuse to fuck you there unless his family is away, and even then maybe not. Its not that he doesn't want to or doesn'tlove you, it’s just that the walls have ears in this place. If it’s not Tywin or Cersi sticking their noses in his business, Vary' will probably have his “little birds” keeping a close watch on the two of you.

No, anywhere in Kings Landing is out of the question. You’re too important to Tyrion to risk having you used as a pawn in his family’s schemes. There’s no way he’s going to be ever able to completely let his guard down while you’re there, so first chance he’s got Tyrion is going to try and send you away somewhere safer.

Casterly Rock would be his first choice. With his father and sister busy stirring shit up in King’s Landing, they’d totally ignore the Rock despite it being their homeland, and as far as Tyrion’s concerned that makes it the perfect place. In spite of his rough childhood, he’s always felt protected there, and there would be so many things he’d want to show you. The library where he learned to read, the beach and its tide pools,the gardens and all the other secret places hed discovered as a boy. Also, having you stay in his childhood bedroom with him would be so special for Tyrion, the two of you snuggled up under familiar covers with the sound of the waves crashing in the distance. Casterly Rock was, and always will be his home and Tyrion wants nothing more than to make you a part of it for good.

If the Rock isn’t an option, I can also see him trying to negotiate the rights to some out of the way holdfast outside the city limits. It wouldn’t be ideal, but it would certainly be less suffocating than The Red Keep and at least there he could choose his own guards to watch over you. Tyrion might even push for Jamie to come and mind you for a few days a week, in spite of Cersi’s protests. He trusts his brother more than anyone else, and knows that Jamie would do right by you even with their sister whispering in his ear because he loves Tyrion so much.

Once he has either one of these options secure, Tyrion would probably want to keep your sex life limited to the bedroom. He really doesn’t want you to be the subject of gossip, even if he’s hired the household staff himself. He values your privacy, as well as his own, and also loves the ample amount of time being in the bedroom allows. I can also see him going as far as to have new locks made for your shared chambers, and you two would be the only ones with keys. He really doesn’t want to run the risk of your maids or Podrick walking in at an inopportune moment, even if they do knock it’s better safe than sorry.

However, I do think Tyrion also harbours a fantasy about taking you on his desk in the Hand’s Office someday. Whether or not this ever comes to fruition, at least he’s got something pleasant to think about during those long, redundant days.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I wouldn’t say it takes much to get Tyrion going. We all know he’s got an ample sex drive, and isn't the type to pass up a little love no matter the occasion. However for him, there's a couple of things you can do that really, really just push all the right buttons.

The first is watching you mouth off to someone. If you’re shyer or more softer spoken, don’t worry about it. Tyrion will always play your gallant knight and saviour. But if you’re the type of person who speaks their mind? Oh boy. There’s nothing Tyrion loves more than getting to bear witness to you giving some fool a well deserved tongue lashing. He’d watch the whole thing over the rim of his goblet, smirking with a particular twinkle in his eye.

When he first heard you call Joffery a “craven little pissant” he truly thought he might die from delight. Thankfully, that didn’t happen and Tyrion had enough sense to whisk you off before his nephew could react, something about “She’s not herself your majesty, women’s troubles and the like. I’m sure she has no idea what she’s saying”

Of course, instead of the scolding you thought was coming, Tyrion would pull you into the nearest alcove and kiss you until you were breathless. When he’s done he’d announce “You wonderful, mad woman. I’ve been wanting to do that since the little shit could talk, but PLEASE pick your fights more carefully or we’ll end up in matching gallows.”

After that, you’d have to see sense, at least where Joffrey is concerned. Anyone else though? Totally fair game, especially if they insult Tyrion. You’ve told off his sister more than once and even gone up against Tywin on his behalf. Naturally, the two of them would complain to Tyrion about “making his wife mind” but to that Tyrion would respond “I told her not to start fights, but she is more than welcome to finish them” most likely while he’s pulling you towards your bedchamber to finish things his own way lol The two of you are the snarkiest, sassiest couple in all of King’s Landing and mutual bitching is your favourite couple’s activity.

On the other side of the coin, being particularly soft or compassionate is the other way to get Tyrion’s attention. It doesn’t just have to be with him either. If you’re particularly gentle with Tommen and Myrcella or with any animal you come across or the small folk in the city, Tyrion is just going to melt. He can hardly believe he’s found someone who’s genuinely good hearted in this rotting shithole, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t grateful for you either. When he sees you being particularly sweet, his motivations are less “I am so turned on right now let me have you” and more “I love you so much, you are literal sunshine please let me show you how much you mean to me”

More than once, you’ve glanced up while playing with Myrcella and Tommen to find Tyrion watching you with an expression on his face you can’t quite read. If you’ve already given him a couple children, odds are tonight you’ll conceive another one. If you haven’t yet, your first is most likely coming along nine months after this.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Tyrion’s pretty adventurous but even there’s a couple things he’s going to have boundaries about.

The first of these is any kind of impact play. If this is after what happened with Ros (Alayaya in the books) and Sansa’s own beating, Tyrion couldn’t bring himself to do it even with your consent. Hurting you would bring back too many unpleasant memories, and the world already thinks the worst of him. The implication that he beats his wife on top of everything else would be too much.

With that in mind, consensual non-consent is off the table, as well as any kind of sharing. The trauma about Tysha runs too deeply for that. Tyrion also is too insecure to share you with anyone else, even if he tries to play it off. Deep down, a part of him worries you’ll leave him for a better, taller man, so why run the risk by letting one into your bed?

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Now, Tyrion isn’t the type to pass up getting his cock sucked but honestly? He prefers going down on you.

If the two of you are married and you were a virgin, Tyrion isn’t going to expect you to go down on him, especially if you’re of high birth. Unfortunately, in Westeros that act is usually associated with brothel girls and Tyrion wouldn’t want to demean you. But if you’re still offering after an extended period of time? Well, who’s he to say no when you ask so nicely.

Tyrion would be really sweet with you while you’re going down on him though. The last thing he wants is to make you feel pressured or like he’s manhandling you too much. Expect a lot of praise, him stroking your hair and face and begging you to look up at him so he can see your beautiful eyes. Use that last one with caution though because it’ll have him cumming in seconds.

When it’s your turn, Tyrion’s going to show just as much enthusiasm. This man eats pussy like it’s his goddamn job, and he will take it as a personal failure if you don’t have at least three orgasms while he’s down there. The only thing he loves more than a nice glass of Arbour red is the taste of you on his lips, if they could make that in a vintage he’d literally drink himself to death.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

So for Tyrion, this really depends on his partner and what they want because he can get what he needs from both.

I’ve mentioned this a couple times, but if you’re a virgin he’s going to go like molasses slow. I’m talking like hours of foreplay, getting you used to his mouth and fingers, making you’re absolutely relaxed and stretched out comfortably before he even thinks of introducing his cock into the mix.

If this isn’t your first rodeo though and you want something hard, fast, and even a little disrespectful? Tyrion’s happy to provide, he’s a man of many talents after all.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Again, Tyrion is versatile. Does he prefer to have these long extended love making sessions that go on for hours? Of course, especially if it’s in a romantic relationship. He wants that intimacy and time with you.

However, there are going to be some weeks where everyone is up his ass, Joffrey has managed to squander what little money the crown has again, some minor lords are picking fights over the tiniest slights imaginable, and the Black Brothers are asking him to produce more men from thin air to fill their ranks. All in a day’s work for Tyrion.

When things get like this, clearly he’s going to be super busy and strung out. So if all you have time for is a quick romp before bed or before he leaves in the morning? Not his favourite but he’d rather have that than nothing at all.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Tyrion’s down for a little risk now and again. It keeps things fresh and exciting for the two of you. Just so long as it doesn’t cross any of the boundaries set in N, he’ll try anything almost once.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Honestly? If you can keep up, Tyrion’s willing to go all night. His years of practice have given him an almost god like stamina, if you can outpace him he’s going to be pleasantly surprised because it hasn’t happened yet.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

So again, I don’t think toys are really a “thing” in Westeros, but someone with such a “diverse” palate as Tyrion will probably have a couple of surprises. However, this will probably be more kink type gear like blindfolds, ropes and maybe a gag somewhere. If you wanna use these things on yourself or him, he’s more than happy to oblige, but won’t be upset if you’re not interested either. He just wants you to be happy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease

Oh gods. Bring your patience and self control because this man is a MENACE.

Nowhere is safe from him either. The two of you could be in the fricking SEPT and he’d slip a note into your hymnal detailing all the filthy things he wants to do with you. Meanwhile he’s got his eye on the septon and the most placid expression, like he didn’t just commit you both to the Seven Hells via sacrilege He’s also not above getting handsy with you under the table while you’re having a meal with his family or in court. Like I said, nowhere is safe.

Revenge would be easy enough to get though. Just whisper something spicy in his ear and grab his trouser lacings right before he’s for a Small Council meeting. He’s going to be hot, bothered and ready to boil over for the next few hours and unable to focus on anything except the highlight reel his mind is playing of you. You’ll absolutely pay for it when he comes back to your rooms that night, but it’s also completely worth it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I'd say Tyrion makes about the average amount of noise for any man, you get moans and grunts, which get louder when he cums. The one thing that kind of stands out about him is he's maybe a little bit more talkative? Expect lots of dirty talk, compliments and cursing. The only way to truly shut him up is to put his mouth between your legs or on your tits lol.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I think it's probably because Kings Landing as a city reeks so goddamn bad, but I can see Tyrion having a thing about you wearing perfume? It would most likely start on your wedding night when a nice perfume is tradition along with the wedding silks, and Tyrion enjoys the scent on your skin so much he makes it a habit to keep adding to your collection. You'd probably own quite a few exotic and rare bottles after you've been together a few years, Tyrion would have most likely sought them out from merchants from the Free Cities and the Summer Isles. Wearing them can have like an almost pheromone type effect on him, especially if they're scents you've worn exclusively during sex.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

So, I'm just going to go off how Tyrion's cock is described in the books. I figure he's about average size for most men, around 5 inches, so not as small as everyone likes to speculate about. Girth wise I wouldn't say he's too big, maybe a smidge wider than most but not enough that it's going to cause you pain. The most notable thing about his cock is the head, which darkens a fair bit in colour when he's hard and is exceptionally sensitive. He's also uncut bc I can't really see that being a thing in Westeros again unless you travel out to the Free Cities or Dorne.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

How high you got? :P

Honestly, we know Tyrion is always down to clown. All you need to do is give your consent and he's raring to go. He's also a grown man, however, and has absolutely immaculate self control. Don't ever expect him to pressure or try and manipulate you into fulfilling his needs, your comfort comes first and foremost. He'll make do with his hand if needs must and won't make you feel the least bit guilty about it either.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

In the books/show, it's stated that Tyrion is pretty much an insomniac (same bro) so when you first get together it's pretty rare that he sleeps after sex. Instead, you can expect him to stay awake and cuddle you until you're asleep, and then he'll either read until dawn or shuffle off to his office to get some work done.

It's only when you start making an active effort to help him sleep that he'll be able to doze off next to you. The surefire way to get him to rest is by having his head on your chest or your lap and stroking his hair while you sing to him. It doesn't matter what, lullabies, ballads, tavern songs, he just likes the sound of your voice and the warmth of your skin against his.

He wouldn't tell you this, but Tysha would do the same thing for him back when she was around. He always managed to sleep fine for her, it was only after she left his life that his insomnia began. Maybe now that you're in his life, he can finally be well rested again.

#easter askbox event #tyrion x reader #tyrion x you #tyrion lannister #tyrion lannister imagine #big smut little smut smut that climbs on rocks

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istumpysk · 1 year

Text

OPERATION ICEBERG: THE TIER LIST

THEORY:

Tysha is the Sailor's Wife

TIER:

Strong Contender: These theories have a lot of textual support, but there are still some elements of uncertainty.

[Tier list overview]

EVIDENCE:

First, who is Tysha?

Tysha was a crofter's daughter from the westerlands.

According to Tyrion, she had blue eyes, dark hair, and she was slender and beautiful.

They met when Tyrion and his brother Jaime rescued Tysha from outlaws; Jaime chased the men away while Tyrion cared for Tysha.

They quickly fell in love, married, and lived in a little cottage by the sunset sea, where they constantly made love to each other for a fortnight.

When Tywin discovered the marriage, he had Jaime deceive Tyrion by telling him that Tysha was a sex worker hired to make him a man.

Tywin then had his guards gang-rape Tysha, each giving her a silver coin afterwards.

Tywin then forced Tyrion to rape her last, and give her a gold coin, signifying that Lannisters are worth more.

The marriage was undone, and Tysha was never seen again.

Eventually, Tyrion learned that Jaime lied to him about Tysha, and he now spends every moment of the story wondering where she went.

Second, who is the Sailor's Wife?

The Sailor's Wife is a sex worker who works at the Happy Port brothel in Braavos.

Her real name is unknown.

We have no description of what she looks like.

What we know about her backstory will be covered below.

So, could they be the same person? Let's find out!

Born in 273 AC, Tyrion married Tysha when he was 13 years old (in or around the year 286 AC). If they had a child, that child would now be 14 years old.

The Sailor's Wife has a 14-year-old daughter named Lanna, who also works at the Happy Port.

Lanna was always begging the singer to play her stupid love songs. She was the youngest of the whores, only ten-and-four. Merry asked three times as much for her as for any of the other girls, Cat knew. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

Did you catch that name? Lanna. The Sailor's Wife named her child Lanna.

In the same book that introduces the Sailor's Wife and Lanna, a pregnant woman asks Cersei for permission to name her child Lanna to honor House Lannister.

Lady Graceford, who was large with child, asked the queen's leave to name it Tywin if it were a boy, or Lanna if it were a girl. - Cersei II, AFFC

And guess what? Lanna has long golden hair. Not blonde hair, no, golden hair.

Yna was there too, braiding Lanna's fine long golden hair. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

The Sailor's Wife lost her husband when she was 14.

Tysha was 14 when she met, married, and was separated from Tyrion.

The other whores said that the Sailor's Wife visited the Isle of the Gods on the days when her flower was in bloom, and knew all the gods who lived there, even the ones that Braavos had forgotten. They said she went to pray for her first husband, her true husband, who had been lost at sea when she was a girl no older than Lanna. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

I was only thirteen, and the wine went to my head, I fear. - Tyrion VI, AGOT

"[...] My brother unsheathed his sword and went after them, while I dismounted to protect the girl. She was scarcely a year older than I was [...]." - Tyrion VI, AGOT

Arya finds there's something sad about the Sailor's Wife.

Tysha had a face that would break your heart.

She was good that way, and quick to laugh as well, but Cat thought there was something sad about her too. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your heart. - Tyrion VI, AGOT

The Sailor's Wife can speak the Common Tongue of Westeros.

Tysha was an orphaned daughter of a crofter from the westerlands of Westeros.

"He sings a pretty song," she murmured softly, in the Common Tongue of Westeros. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

She was a crofter's child, orphaned when her father died of fever, on her way to … well, nowhere, really. - Tyrion VI, AGOT

The Sailor's Wife and Lanna both seem to have a fondness for singers and love songs.

Tyrion often recalls Tysha singing "Seasons of Love" to him with affection.

When Cat slipped inside the brothel, though, she found Merry sitting in the common room with her eyes shut, listening to Dareon play his woodharp. Yna was there too, braiding Lanna's fine long golden hair. Another stupid love song. Lanna was always begging the singer to play her stupid love songs. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

Cat was thinking about the fat boy, remembering how she had saved him from Terro and Orbelo, when the Sailor's Wife appeared beside her. "He sings a pretty song," she murmured softly, in the Common Tongue of Westeros. "The gods must have loved him to give him such a voice, and that fair face as well." - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

It was pleasant to think that men still sang, even in the midst of butchery and famine. Remembered notes filled his head, and for a moment he could almost hear Tysha as she'd sung to him half a lifetime ago. - Tyrion VII, ACOK

The Sailor's Wife only beds men who marry her; the rites are typically performed by a wine-soaked red priest or a septon at the Sept-Beyond-the-Sea.

Tyrion and Tysha were married by a drunken septon.

The Happy Port sometimes had three or four weddings a night. Often the cheerful wine-soaked red priest Ezzelyno performed the rites. Elsewise it was Eustace, who had once been a septon at the Sept-Beyond-the-Sea. - Cat of the Canals, AFFC

"A Lannister of Casterly Rock wed to a crofter's daughter," Bronn said. "How did you manage that?" Oh, you'd be astonished at what a boy can make of a few lies, fifty pieces of silver, and a drunken septon. - Tyrion VI, AGOT

Tyrion obsessively asks himself, "Where do whores go?" whenever thinking about his father or Tysha. He seems convinced she is in a brothel somewhere.

At one point, he wonders if she's at a port; another time, he mentions the term "courtesan," a word strongly associated with Braavos.

And the whores were out. River or sea, a port was a port, and wherever you found sailors, you'd find whores. Is that what my father meant? Is that where whores go, to the sea? - Tyrion VI, ADWD

"Do you know where whores go?" When they did not respond, he repeated the question in High Valyrian, though he had to say courtesan in place of whore. - Tyrion I, ADWD

"Have you ever visited the pleasure houses of Lys?" the dwarf inquired. "Might that be where whores go?" - Tyrion I, ADWD

Selhorys may be where whores go. Tysha might be in there even now, with tears tattooed upon her cheek. "I almost drowned. A man needs a woman after that. [...]" - Tyrion VI, ADWD

"Do you know a woman by the name of Tysha?" he asked, as he watched his seed dribble out of her onto the bed. The whore did not respond. "Do you know where whores go?" - Tyrion VI, ADWD

The Sailor's Wife claims that her first husband was lost at sea when she was 14, and often prays for him to return to her.

The author repeatedly writes scenarios in which Tyrion almost drowns.

Was that why he reeled backward, or did he see the sword after all? He would never know. The point slashed just beneath his eyes, and he felt its cold hard touch and then a blaze of pain. His head spun around as if he'd been slapped. The shock of the cold water was a second slap more jolting than the first. He flailed for something to grab on to, knowing that once he went down he was not like to come back up. Somehow his hand found the splintered end of a broken oar. Clutching it tight as a desperate lover, he shinnied up foot by foot. His eyes were full of water, his mouth was full of blood, and his head throbbed horribly. Gods give me strength to reach the deck . . . There was nothing else, only the oar, the water, the deck. – Tyrion XIV, ACOK

The sudden cold hit Tyrion like a hammer. As he sank he felt a stone hand fumbling at his face. Another closed around his arm, dragging him down into darkness. Blind, his nose full of river, choking, sinking, he kicked and twisted and fought to pry the clutching fingers off his arm, but the stone fingers were unyielding. Air bubbled from his lips. The world was black and growing blacker. He could not breathe. There are worse ways to die than drowning. – Tyrion V, ADWD

He looked about for his wine cup, but when he found it all the rum had spilled. Drowning is bad enough, he reflected sourly, but drowning sad and sober, that's too cruel. In the end, they did not drown … though there were times when the prospect of a nice, peaceful drowning had a certain appeal. The storm raged for the rest of that day and well into the night. – Tyrion IX, ADWD

Furthermore, the theme of drowning is heavily present in much of Tyrion's arc, to the point where it's becoming kind of weird.

(There's always potential for karma when someone has a man thrown off a ship en route to the Wall or uses wildfire to bury an army at the bottom of Blackwater Bay.)

Once Janos Slynt realized he was not to be summarily executed, color returned to his face. He thrust his jaw out. "We will see about this, Imp. Dwarf. Perhaps it will be you on that ship, what do you think of that? Perhaps it will be you on the Wall." He gave a bark of anxious laughter. "You and your threats, well, we will see. I am the king's friend, you know. We shall hear what Joffrey has to say about this. And Littlefinger and the queen, oh, yes. Janos Slynt has a good many friends. We will see who goes sailing, I promise you. Indeed we will." - Tyrion II, ACOK

He retched the wine up and lay in it a while, wondering if the ship would sink. Is this your vengeance, Father? Has the Father Above made you his Hand? "Such are the wages of the kinslayer," he said as the wind howled outside. It did not seem fair to drown the cabin boy and the captain and all the rest for something he had done, but when had the gods ever been fair? And around about then, the darkness gulped him down. - Tyrion I, ADWD

Ser Rolly grabbed Tyrion by the collar. "Let us see how dwarfs swim," he said, chucking him headlong into the Rhoyne. The dwarf laughed last; he could paddle passably well, and did … until his legs began to cramp. Young Griff extended him a pole. "You are not the first to try and drown me," he told Duck, as he was pouring river water from his boot. "My father threw me down a well the day I was born, but I was so ugly that the water witch who lived down there spat me back." He pulled off the other boot, then did a cartwheel along the deck, spraying all of them. - Tyrion IV, ADWD

And the sight of me can only be salt in her [Penny] wound. They hacked off her brother's head in the hope that it was mine, yet here I sit like some bloody gargoyle, offering empty consolations. If I were her, I'd want nothing more than to shove me into the sea. - Tyrion VIII, ADWD

Tyrion found himself musing on how easy it would be to slip over the gunwale and drop down into that darkness. One very small splash, and the pathetic little tale that was his life would soon be done. - Tyrion VIII, ADWD

Yna, another sex worker at the Happy Port and a maegi, tasted the Sailor's Wife's blood. She claims her lover is dead and hopes he never returns, as he would be a corpse. That's a really strange thing to say, no? You always have to read between the lines with a maegi.

If you asked Tyrion, he would tell you he's been dead for a long time.

"She thinks that if she finds the right god, maybe he will send the winds and blow her old love back to her," said one-eyed Yna, who had known her longest, "but I pray it never happens. Her love is dead, I could taste that in her blood. If he ever should come back to her, it will be a corpse." - Cat of the Canalds, ADWD

There are worse ways to die than drowning. And if truth be told, he had perished long ago, back in King's Landing. It was only his revenant who remained, the small vengeful ghost who throttled Shae and put a crossbow bolt through the great Lord Tywin's bowels. No man would mourn the thing that he'd become. I'll haunt the Seven Kingdoms, he thought, sinking deeper. They would not love me living, so let them dread me dead. - Tyrion V, ADWD

Other things to consider:

Neither Samwell nor Arya provide a physical description of the Sailor's Wife, which many, especially myself, find highly suspicious. It's remarkably uncharacteristic of George R. R. Martin, given how much attention he devotes to this character.

On that note, why is it that among all the sex workers we encounter in the series, we learn so much about this particular one? (But again, not what she actually looks like.)

I feel super gross typing this, but one could argue that there's a twisted rationale to Tysha wanting to marry her customers after the sexual assault she experienced.

COUNTER-EVIDENCE:

Let's start with the obvious: Tyrion's not a sailor, and Tysha didn't lose him because he was lost at sea. (I'd argue it's fairly clear why she wouldn't share the real story.)

The whole point was that Tywin and Jaime lied, and Tysha wasn't actually a prostitute. Making both her and her daughter sex workers after what she experienced would be unnecessary, distasteful, and kind of offensive. (That said, I wouldn't put it past George to do it.)

What are the odds that Arya Stark runs into the Tysha in Braavos? (Roughly the same as Jorah Mormont and Tyrion Lannister bumping into each other at the other end of the world.)

After what happened to her, would Tysha really pray for Tyrion to return to her? Would she name her child Lanna? (Don't look at me, I don't know.)

The Gerion Lannister Consideration:

Gerion Lannister was Tywin Lannister's youngest and most reckless brother. It appears he was a sailor, given that he had a ship called the Laughing Lion and enjoyed the occasional adventure.

Circa 291 AC, Gerion went on a quest to find House Lannister's ancestral Valyrian steel greatsword, Brightroar, along with any other treasure that might have survived the Doom of Valyria.

Gerion was never seen again.

Almost a decade had passed since the Laughing Lion headed out from Lannisport, and Gerion had never returned. The men Lord Tywin sent to seek after him had traced his course as far as Volantis, where half his crew had deserted him and he had bought slaves to replace them. No free man would willingly sign aboard a ship whose captain spoke openly of his intent to sail into the Smoking Sea. - Tyrion VIII, ADWD

It's not unreasonable to speculate that it's actually Gerion Lannister who married the Sailor's Wife, and fathered Lanna.

But there are some issues.

For starters, the Sailor's Wife lost her husband at sea when she was 14 years old (in or around 286 AC). Gerion disappeared in 291 AC.

Gerion was in Westeros for Robert's Rebellion (282-283 AC), and Robert's marriage to Cersei Lannister (284 AC).

"[...] If you have need of a dagger, take one from the armory. Robert left a hundred when he died. Gerion gave him a gilded dagger with an ivory grip and a sapphire pommel for a wedding gift, and half the envoys who came to court tried to curry favor by presenting His Grace with jewel-encrusted knives and silver inlay swords. - Tyrion IV, ASOS

In 288 AC, Gerion had a daughter named Joy Hill, with a commoner from the westerlands named Briony.

"Joy is my late uncle Gerion's natural daughter. A betrothal can be arranged, if that is your wish, but any marriage will need to wait. Joy was nine or ten when last I saw her." - Jaime VII, ASOS

Remember, Lanna was born in or around 286 AC.

What are the odds that between Robert and Cersei's marriage and the conception of Joy Hill, 31-year-old Gerion Lannister sailed to Braavos—assuming that's where he met the Sailor's Wife—legitimately married a 14-year-old who wasn't yet a sex worker, conceived Lanna with her, left her there for reasons unknown, traveled home, never returned, and never mentioned any of this to anyone?

Let's say they met in the westerlands. Why didn't he acknowledge his wife and legitimate child like he did his illegitimate daughter Joy Hill? Why is the Sailor's Wife hiding the fact that Gerion Lannister was her husband?

Why aren't we getting the Sailor's Wife's name and description? Such information wouldn't need to be safeguarded, would it?

Why the emphasis on the specific ages of Lanna and how old the Sailor's Wife was when she lost her husband? None of this matters if Gerion is the husband. Lanna could be any age, the Sailor's Wife could be older than 14 when she met 31-year-old Gerion, and their encounter could be placed at a more logical time in history.

Why am I being told so much about the Sailor's Wife? The marriages to her customers, the drunken priest, the singing, the sadness, Yna's fear of his corpsy return—none of this is relevant to Gerion Lannister.

Most importantly, what is the point of all this? Calling Gerion Lannister a minor character in the series would be generous. He's merely a footnote in history. This is too much.

I think what's happening here is that George wants to trick you into believing her husband was Gerion, when it's actually Tyrion.

STUMPY'S THOUGHTS:

Please don't overlook that Lanna is older than Sansa.

This one theory is better than all the secret Howland Reed theories combined. For the record, if it is Tysha, I don't think anything will come of this. I would be stunned if Tyrion ever came face-to-face with Tysha again.

VOTE:

I welcome discussions. Feel free to reblog, respond, or challenge my perspective—I won't be offended by any of it.

Please note, if "no" is the eventual winner, or if it's competitive, a second poll will be conducted to determine the proper location.

NEXT THEORY:

Olyvar Frey is Rosby's ward

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#operation iceberg #asoiaf theory tier list #theory 7 #tysha is the sailor's wife

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