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kraglynn · 2 years ago

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My name is Kraglynn Dark’ness Dementia Yoshikage Kira. I'm of indeterminate age but you can call me 20. My apartment is on the the third floor of a complex, where no dogs are allowed, I am married, but only by self declaration. I have slightly longer than shoulder length curly brown hair I work as a team-lead in retail. I don't smoke and I don’t drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. I usually do not sleep until morning, but wake up in little spurts from troubling dreams. I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

You could say I’m a meticulous person. I follow daily routines even if they take place in very different times from day to day. For this post I read the whole thing sparingly and took notes:

I have never really formatted before, so I’ll do my best.

The last song I listened to was Descend by Toby Fox. The last song I listened to on purpose was Derse Dreamers by Solatrus (had to look this stuff up). I have a few favourite songs so let’s talk about them.

Problematic by Bo Burnham

One of the instruments is a lion?? And the cracking sounds, it’s like abstract thunder, I love it so much, so stimming, in love, I wish there was more like that. Like even in songs that mention tiger eyes and being animals or something vaguely there’s no animal sounds. Where’s the song with tyrannosaurus roars as part of the acappella?

Mixed messages by Tom Cardy

H.Y.C.Y.BH by Tom Cardy

Hey I don’t work here by Tom Cardy

These songs just very much promote a ‘living outside the box’ lifestyle which I wish I led and the transitions are so good it’s like drinking an essay about how humour is the ultimate way to live. These songs are just right. Thank you

Honestly I just like powerful phrasing. If you can get a quip out. Especially in musical whimsy it carry’s so much weight to me. It’s like cool water.

KICK BACK by Kenshi Yonezu

This one is the intro to chainsaw man but the opening animation to chainsaw man is literal cinematic art. Paired with this song, it feels alive, it’s like drinking a slushy with a pineapple(or other sharp fruit) pop flavour. Like there’s that fiz tang but it’s also a lot of ice and it makes you shiver and you can also have a fruit flavour so it’s not like drinking acid or pennies like every energy drink. It’s just so good. I watch a lot of music videos because I’m a bit deaf so having that extra layer to understand it has always helped. But holy lord this song does it so well. Tw: blood, guns, violence

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Heir of Grief by Joren "Tensei" de Bruin

This song feels alive and sad, I feel cold listening to it, it feels like active suffering and if you are hurting you can talk to me, I can take you to a nice discord server that we pretend is our little café hangout and we can meet people and draw stuff together and play dumb games and talk about stupid things. I might not exist in the physical realm from where you’re standing but my voice can reach you.

GBA SP Blue Edition Song by The Living Tombstone

This is a genuine song about a copypasta that is a joke about copypastas. It’s like a stack of teetering jokes that isn’t falling over and I wish it went further, maybe it does. It’s art and I love art. It’s like this:

I value experiences when it comes to music.

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And this is an experience, and I leave diary entries in the comment section like everyone else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Books~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last book I read like all the way through was a web serial called Worm. Worm was so long I forgot about the rest of existence for like 5 months. I read mostly on my lunch breaks. I also read it mostly by accident, it was recommended to me by @eromancery and I loved it so much. It’s set in a world with super powers about a girl that gets an ability and is in no position to become a hero and has to choose where to bend morals in order to do what has to be done, to really protect people in the wake of villains, heroes, natural disasters, unnatural disasters, the deaths of loved ones, and other dramas and traumas. Walking the path you have to until the path ends. It’s 1.7 million words, and I didn’t know that until I was way too far in.

I also read the first book of a manga called Shadow House and then watched the anime which has 2 seasons and I really enjoyed it.

The books I’m currently reading but can’t manage to pay attention to long enough to finish yet are:

The lord of the Rings. Pg: 88

House of Leaves. Pg: 17

Valhalla. Pg: 68 (Don’t tell Ari, I feel so bad for not having finished it.)

Frankenstein. Pg: 72

Lots of Homestuck fan adventures. There’s so many and they’re all mixed media it’s so awesome.

The books (that I own physical copies of) I’m currently putting off because I can’t finish the books I’m currently reading are:

The ultimate hitchhikers guide to the galaxy.

The king in yellow.

Don Quixote.

The silmarillion.

1984.

The call of Cthulhu.

Ulysses (I am not prepared to read this one, I know there’s a lot to read before it so that you understand it but I haven’t gotten that far, but I own it irregardless).

From this lovely spread of impossible and incomprehensible tasks you can see that I like to challenge myself, because everything is a challenge for me so I might as well make every climb a mountain or else I’ll never get to them. I struggle a lot. This is how I cope, I hope this list doesn’t look pretentious.

Hold on I need to go to work.

I’m a massive Homestuck btw. The reason I read Homestuck was because I was trying to consume the media of culture, like I read Harry Potter and Animal Farm and I wanted to be in on the stuff that goes on in here (tumblr) so look out warrior cats, I’ll be all up in your roblox roleplay servers with my sister-in-law soon enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Colours~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My favorite colour is so complicated.

so I really like green but just as a colour.

I like red as an asthetic, it’s just what I wear. And what I prefer to play as in games

But I love gold so much okay you don’t understand, I hoard gold in Minecraft, I have this spiral staircase/pillar like Wall-E with his trash cubes. Okay when I see table top RPG dice I think to myself, “It makes sense to carry red but I know you want the metal gold ones, imagine showing up with gold dice and iced up fingers and I start drooling okay, I would drool for gold. The power in my hands at that moment. I chronically roll low for no reason, and you know, looking cool doing it would help. And I still don’t mean the metal really, I would be the dragon with a nest full of brass instruments and pyrite. “You know that’s worthless right?” HISS HISS HISS!!! Ehehehehe! I say as I slink back into my pile of stripped wires and door knobs like Scrooge McDuck. Just look at my treasure.

Teal, everyone likes teal but I have a certain claim to it. Teal is my Among Us username, and there’s a reason. Back in the day (2020) everyone got so mad about people calling cyan “teal” so I of course, made my name “Teal” and made my color Cyan, and people would associate my name with the colour, and call me “Teal” in game. All the while I sat there smirking to myself and thinking “you’ve become the very thing you swore to destroy, and a fool, a pawn in my hands.” My psychological warfare didn’t stop there but you could say I really enjoyed the game.

I’m also a teal blood libra.

I used to like purple.

I’ve been told my first favorite colour was orange but I can’t imagine why.

I Like yellow, and I like wearing yellow.

White is so clean, I love white, if there’s any part of me that’s white it needs to be so clean so that it shows up good. Once I took wipes to a job interview so I could clean up the white parts of my shoes when I got there.

I love the combination of blue, orange, and white like aperture science, it is so clean, i want like mismatched shoes in these colours so people can be like that’s dumb and I’ll be like omigosh I didn’t even notice when I pulled them on this morning I get up so early haha but deep down I did it on purpose because I liked it. Those fools think I just have no attention to detail but I’m just a liar.

I write in blue, I used to write in green but it’s difficult to source. So I write in blue, usually draw in blue too.

Shadow the hedgehog.

I also like dark hair and wet hair though that’s slightly different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~My shows~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last movie I watched in theatres was The Mario Movie. It was good, so good I did it again. Lately I’ve noticed a trend with movies, if they’re like really good, enjoyable, rewatchable movies, they’re just the lego movie but with a different franchise. The LEGO Movie, Free Guy, The Mario Movie, possibly Barbie but I haven’t watched it yet. These are all just The LEGO Movie. That’s why they’re good (I also own all three of them). Also Namona was good but that was different. I haven’t seen the latest spiderverse either, those movies are pretty dang good too. I like those. I like animated films a lot

Speaking of animation: anime.

I just finished Stone Ocean and Shadow House and I’m watching Yu Yu Hakusho. It’s paced a lot better than a lot of other animes I’ve tried to watch like Naruto and One Piece but doesn’t really hold the torch to them. Speaking of One Piece, it was my New Year’s resolution to watch the entire thing this year, it’s august and I’m only on episode 300 something. I was so engrossed with Homestuck and Worm this year I didn’t have time to read the subtitles on 700 more episodes.

My favorites are:

Full Metal Alchemist brotherhood (beloved)

One Punch Man

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure (I had Watch it in dub to get through part 4 though, they just take so long to get from point A to point B, they take like 5 minutes to cover 30 seconds, I can’t just stare at the words the whole time I need you to work with me, I love you but please)

I Like other ones for other reasons, I really like the style of Fire Force, like the buildings, the firehouse being a remodeled church (I love stained glass windows) and the trucks being tanks that was so cool, I wish there was a LEGO set. I also really liked Shadow House for its style even if it wasn’t as creative. But there’s colour and flare, the roofs are gothic, the clothes are Victorian, the machines are Rube Goldberg, the inner workings are subtle, you don’t see a maintenance door because it’s a camouflaged panel. That’s good stuff. I liked the military uniforms in Full Metal Alchemist but it wasn’t as deep as the others. I just like when a world is so unique that you can recognize every element of it.

Also the Disney movie, Atlantis, the lost empire. Was so good for style. The submarines, the drill, the hot air balloon, the ruins. Very my speed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~My taste~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately I was not gifted with great taste. But I like sour candy, and I like lemonade, and I like kiwis and strawberries. I have an intolerance to pork but I like steak, especially seasoned. I’m a massive fan of cheese because I’m Caucasian, I haven’t made the jump into things like Bree but I like Havarti, farmers cheese, and Muenster the most. Muenster has like this thing where it’s pale inside and orange outside so I always think the orange part is the best like backwards bread crust. And if I can find a block (because buying it pre sliced is insane) that has an entire side that’s orange I’ll get that one and make a slice of it and call it “the god slice.” Maybe I’m just eating wax but it makes me happy. I do something similar with sprite, but it’s more a conspiracy scavenger hunt. So in my home state, Iowa, certain locations that carry Sprite on their pop fountain, will have this… unique flavour. It’s fruity. And normally Sprite just tastes like radio static and a licked battery, but this stuff,,, this stuff is different. It’s not sour but it’s citrus. I, of course, refer to it as “the god Sprite” and I try the sprite when we go new places because I’m after it. And at first I thought it was a self contained anomaly but then I found it at a second location. I desire this unknowable thing. They have it at Adventure Land and the Smash Burger in Des Moines. It’s not that great but it’s special.

Coffee or tea?: I don’t drink either, tea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Games~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh? There’s more? Yup. So I just finished playing The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog. Was pretty good until I couldn’t beat the very last level and had to lower the difficultly/: I’m also playing through Terraria with my brother.

My humble house has been through a lot. There used to be two floors on the bottom that reached the ground. I quickly discovered that if anything can reach your house, especially during phases of the moon or raids or random boss spawns or whatever… they shouldn’t be able to reach your house. I also found out you need like so much space for furniture and crafting tables and all your stuff has to be sorted like holy crap so I built three more floors and then capped it off with a roof.

Also I built a Bass Pro Pyramid.

I’ll work on it.

I also have a Minecraft Realm for my Discord. This is my house.

And this is the courtyard next to it. Where my friends houses are inside the hedge wall.

I helped make the one on the right. I’m a sandbox kind of person, I’ll be making houses on the beachside for the rest of time.

I also really like board games and card games but never have anyone to play with. So like if anyone wants to play chess like, I am here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Art~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last thing I drew was Jerma985.

I think my reference images are obvious. I usually draw stuff with pens or a mouse. I have trouble making stuff that’s really worthy of the power digital art or paint gives you, but I do it anyway. I’m only allowed one more image on this post so I’ll make it one of my most famous (was talked about at work(not in like a discipline way but like “what even is this?” Kind of way because I drew it over the course of a few days in the break room)) drawings. It’s been a couple years but I have it framed in my house because it’s cool.

This is, of course, Patarike Joestar and SanDIO in epic dispute over the honour of all Texas, and perhaps even New Texas, the planet from Brave Star, which I barely remember but thought was interesting concept when I was younger. Like Dune but I haven’t read Dune.

Tl;Dr I’m autistic.

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next…let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just….pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we’ve just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just……wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

#long post #SoundCloud #Spotify #Youtube

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queenoftheblackpuddlexoxo · 8 years ago

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The Benefits of Group Therapy

So...here’s the first part of my stupid, self-indulgent, self-insert fanfic. It’s not great, but it’s from my point of view and I tried to make it fun, sort of tongue-in-cheek. If you don’t like it? It’s under a readmore for a reason.

The new girl arrived in the middle of June, shaking and smelling like a mixture of sweat, fear, and copious amounts of generic perfume. She sat in a leather office chair, trying not to spin it so far as to knock into the other chairs, not paying attention to anything; though she had been in that same chair, in this same place many other times, this time was far different than before. The others were going to arrive soon, and she was so afraid that her brain felt as if it were shutting down! Would they like her? What would she say? And who were these people, anyway? Before I get any more into this, I guess I should really explain what all is going on. That place was the office of one Dr. Sam Creeke, therapist, brilliant man, and leader of the therapy group that girl had joined only that day. And that girl? Well...she was me. I know, I know, cliche, but I had the description in my head and didn't want to waste a good opening on nothing! Anyway, back to the story. I had recently moved to town with my mom, stepdad, and stepbrother, as well as our five pets, the reason being my parents found a much better job in Fair City than the ones they had previously held in our home state of Indiana. As much as I feared change, it was a little exciting to be able to make a new start somewhere else. With some luck, I'd be able to find a job, someplace to hang out...maybe even somebody to hang out with. As unlikely as that was, it was nice to dream, right? Within a week or so, we'd settled fairly well into the city, and it wasn't long until my mom and I started shopping around for a new therapist for me to start seeing. Enter: Dr. Sam Creeke. Dr. Creeke was a kind man in this early 50's, with silver hair done in a combover and laugh lines etched deep in his face. I'm not too proud to admit, I didn't really want to see him at first. But his easy-going manner and sense of humor quickly won me over, and within a half-hour I was singing like a canary in a coal mine. After a few sessions, he came to me with a question; had I ever been in group therapy before? I told him yes, why? He said that there was an opening a group he'd been seeing for awhile, and he thought I might fit in there. Maybe I could join them? He was sure they'd love me. He had me at "fit in". I...well, I'm not someone who usually fits in anywhere; I'm a contortionist, filling in the gaps, being what I think people want me to be. The idea that there was somewhere with people who were like me was enticing, to say the least. After a few seconds of pretending to think about it (I mean, I didn't want to seem too eager), I agreed. Meetings were on Wednesday, and I could start going next week. Little did I know that these "meetings" were going to change my life for good. Soon enough, the day came and there I sat, drenched in sweat and trying to psyche myself into being less nervous. It wasn't working very well, but what did you expect? If I was any good at psyching myself into doing anything, I wouldn't be in therapy. At 3PM on the dot, a line of people filed into the office, talking amongst themselves amiably. They all looked so comfortable with each other...it was hard to imagine myself ever doing that, especially with these guys. When I first saw the people Dr. Creeke said I'd "fit in" with, I was shocked, then scared...and then a little insulted. One guy had a sandwich for a head, like a literal sandwich! The next person was an insanely tall man dressed like an old-timey butcher, with 5 o'clock shadow and a Brooklyn accent. Then was a lady dressed like she had just come back from a science fiction convention, her blonde ponytail sitting on top of her head like a crown. And then...well, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The last person in front of Dr. Creeke was some albino guy with a tiny brain stuck to his head. Everyone found a chair and sat down, with the albino on my left and Sandwich Guy on my right, and of course, Dr. Creeke across from me, smiling encouragingly with his hand clasped together. When he pulled them apart and clapped to quiet the chatter, I jumped a little bit, a small scream sticking in my throat. Everyone turned to look at me, and that's when he began. "As you all may have noticed, we have a new member in our group today. I'd like you to welcome Kaylee." I was met with a chorus of "hi Kaylee's", and "hey's", and a "how ya doin'?" thrown in for good measure. Once that stopped, he continued, "Since she's new here, I thought maybe we could all introduce ourselves in lieu of a check-in today." There was a murmur of agreement. "Alright then. Dr. Two-Brains, would you care to go first? We can go counter-clockwise, and that way our new member can go last after she's properly acquainted with you all." "Oh, uh...okay." Albino guy scratched the back of his head. Two-Brains? That was his name? "I'm Dr. Two-Brains, and I'm here by court order as part of their "villain rehabilitation program". My hobbies are cheese, science, villainy, and any activity that combines all three." After him was the dude dressed like a butcher. "Hi. My name is the Butcher. But people call me "The Butcher." Obvious naming seemed to be a recurring theme here. "I'm also here by court order, for that bad guy rehabulation thingy. They said I needed to work on my "anger issues". He spoke using air quotes. "I don't have anger issues, okay?!" I flinched a little bit after that. Next up was the sci-fi woman. She cleared her throat before speaking in a bubbly voice that seemed ill-suited for what I could only assume was another villain. "I, am Lady Redundant Woman! I've been seeing a therapist, shrink, and psychologist for oh, three years now? I was going through something a few years ago, a bad time, a real rough patch. And you know, it really helped me out!" Apparently not enough to stop her from becoming a supervillain, though. Finally, Sandwich Guy was up. He said, very quickly and quietly, "I'm Chuck, a-and I'm only here because my mom says I have to!" It was my turn now. All eyes were on me as I sat there, stock-still, still clinging to some primordial belief that if I didn't move a muscle, they wouldn't be able to see me. But alas, that didn't work. These were people, not a herd of tyrannosaurus, and they could see me whether I moved or not. "Uh..." My voice creaked, and faltered. I had no idea what to do! What should I say? And so, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I-I'm Dorothy, the small and meek!" "...I thought your name was Kaylee?" I let out a soft squeak. "It...is. I-It was a joke, you know, Wizard of Oz? But, um...I'm Kaylee, and I...I'm here for a lot of reasons, really," I laughed out that last part, but it probably sounded more like a croak. "My life's been kinda, messed up I guess? I mean, it's a long story, see, I'm on the autism spectrum, and I've got ADHD, anxiety, depression, type 1 diabetes. A lot of it is probably from my childhood, 'cause my biological dad and mom split up when I was a baby, and my mom married this guy when I was two, who was a real jerk, a-and he was hard to live with, then when I was eight my bio dad died, never really got over that. Then when I was twelve, my mom divorced my stepdad, and when I was fourteen she remarried my other stepdad, who was nice, but then I got picked on a lot in school, and then when I was 18 my grandfather died and that was really bad, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Then when I was 20 my mom divorced my other stepdad, so I moved in with her and her boyfriend and his son, and then we moved...here." I had been rambling again, the way I always did when I was terrified. I was sweating, shaking like a leaf, and tapping my fingers against the hard part of the chair-my go-to anxiety stim. Even after a long, uncomfortable silence, all eyes remained on me. At least, they did until the Two-Brain guy reached over me to hand Chuck a five-dollar bill. "I was wrong, Chuck. There really is someone on this planet more messed up than you." If I could have, I probably would have fainted. But instead, I sat, motionless once again, praying it would all be over soon.

#wordgirl #self insert #fanfic #self insert day

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