#two things that are physically impossible for me to watch without crying:

[owldee]

didn’t get to tell this story on tumblr yet but i was lucky enough to get to see nimona early at a special screening + q&a with nd, the directors and producers…and when i got to talk with nate after i told him the movie made me cry nearly 10 times and he was just like “ah yes, i love inflicting emotional damage” and i was like “yeah I’VE NOTICED”

[sincerelybubbles]

pairing: spencer reid x reader

word count: 603

warnings: angst :(

part two

it wasn't meant to be this way.

when you and spencer started dating, the honeymoon phase dripped into day-to-day life and activities, an easy transition that left you comfortable, happy, and (as you're now noticing) incredibly vulnerable.

"you can't act like my job, my life and hobbies and interests, are less important than what you do," you say, voice wet with tears.

spencer, frustrated, drags his hands through his hair, making it stand up straight, "my job objectively is!" he counters, loud, annoyed.

"sure, i'll give you that. whatever, that's not the point and you know it."

"i don't! i don't know the point because you don't have one. you just don't want to end the argument and not be right. you're impossible."

"this! this is the point," you say, gesturing between the two of you. you're both upset: you're on the verge of tears, he's disheveled from pacing and messing with his hair.

and still, you love him. you sort of hate that you do - he's being a dick, he can't see how he's hurting you, and he won't make any effort to see your side of the argument. but you love him, so much that your belly hurts with it.

"you don't listen when i come to you with things that are bothering me," you say, reaching forward to grab his arm as if the physical contact might make your point come across better. you can see in his face that he's gearing up to say something else and interrupt him before he can say anything. "all i said was that i didn't feel like you prioritized me and my life and you're the one who made it into work and hobbies.

"i can't sit here and constantly feel inferior. i know your job is important, i know you're saving lives. i don't say anything when i don't see you for weeks at a time, i don't say anything when you have to leave the second the phone rings, and i certainly haven't ever said anything to indicate that i think I'm somehow more important than all of that.

"all i'm asking is that you don't make me sit here and wonder why you're suddenly not making the effort you've had no problem making for the past 3 years and i'm begging you to stop making me feel like i'm crazy when i come to you with this shit!"

"maybe you feel crazy because you're acting crazy, blowing something up into nothing," spencer says, shaking his head at you. he tugs his arm away, taking a step back. "i'm done with this. i can't, i'm too busy to deal with you right now."

"deal with me?" you ask, anger flashing hot in your chest and racing away any tears that might have been ready to fall. "i'm not an item to check off of your to-do list, spencer."

"i can't do this right now," he sighs, turning away and pushing his hands through his hair one last time. he hesitates, back to you and head hung low, before adjusting his watch and walking away.

stunned, you listen as your front door opens and then clicks shut. you wait for him to come back, transform into your sweet boyfriend who would do anything to make sure you're happy. the doting man who spent his time memorizing everything about you so every date would be perfect, who always made time for you despite his job, who made you feel heard and important.

but you stand there, alone, for several minutes without any sign of him. mind racing, you fight the urge to cry.

damn wtf i made myself sad. sorry! hope u enjoyed :)

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 8b: Last Night

From: You Catch More Bees With Honey Series

Pairing: Mob! Bucky x Farmer! Reader

Summary: It’s Bucky’s last night on your farm

Word count: 2,645

Content/warnings: MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY, SMUT, p in v protected sex, crying during sex (well technically after), dry humping, vaginal fingering, sweet soft intimacy, kissing

Author’s Note: This could probably be read as a stand-alone, but I’ll catch you up in case you feel confused. Bucky made a business deal to work on your farm for a month. This is the last afternoon/night of that after spending all that time side-by-side. If you’re interested in the series, you can catch up with the link below or check out the rest of the Outta Nowhere AU

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

< Prev | Series Masterlist | Next >

On the final Saturday that Bucky was at the farm, the two of you practically stayed pressed together. It’s not as if you were unproductive, but you were glued at the hip, never leaving the office for too long without the other under the guise of tying up loose business ends before his departure. You knew once he was gone, he’d have to take all his burdens back off Steve, leaving him swamped with work, unable to pay you any more attention than he did his other associates.

With your efficiency and his inability to say no to you, all ‘work’ had been completed before noon. Sure, you could’ve dragged it out, but then you wouldn’t have had time to just enjoy each other’s presence like you had gotten used to. Before that could happen, though, you presented him with one last task.

Bucky sat on your oversized desk chair with you in between his legs. His chin was tucked over your shoulder as he rubbed up and down your thigh with his ringed hand. The cool metal gave you goosebumps on your bare skin, the nice weather allowing you to wear shorts and the lack of physical labor giving Bucky the opportunity to don his jewelry once again. You ignored the way your body shuddered at his touch, instead looking back at him over your shoulder with a smirk.

“Okay, cowboy. I think we’ve got your first few months of shipments all planned, so now onto my last order of business.”

He cocked his head to look at you with an amused, but tentative smile. “And what might that be?”

“Pull out a pen.” You stood up and shuffled the papers on your desk, looking for a blank one and setting it in front of him. You took a seat on the other side, not missing his slight pout and confusion as to why you moved so far and what was going on.

“Now that we’ve reached the end of the month, I want to assess what you’ve learned. I’m gonna shoot questions at you, and you write your answer so we can determine whether or not you actually took in information or just followed me around and mooched off my free meals.”

Bucky laughed when you shot him a wink and happily obliged you, a sparkle in his eyes, admiring the way you were demanding something of him with a sweet smile on your face, just like the first time you met. He gave a slight nod, pen at the ready. “Alright, sweet Honeybee. Hit me with it.”

You crossed your arms and legs, watching him as you rattled everything off you could think of, from super obvious things, like which animal lays eggs, to asking nearly impossible things, like the brand of feed given to the dairy cows. Bucky’s reactions to each question were a treat, some causing him to light up with knowledge, others making him roll his eyes at your specificity.

“Last question. This one’s worth a thousand points. Write something you think will impress me. Something out of the blue, whatever’s on your mind. Anything at all.”

Bucky sat there for a moment, tapping the cap of the pen against his bottom lip in thought. You watched his playful features morph into something serious, something soft, as he scribbled one line at the bottom of the paper.

‘I wish I could stay here longer.’

You leaned forward so could read his paper upside down, scanning the answers, each one surprisingly correct. Not a single one was off and he even put more information than you’d asked for on some of them. You were not only amazed with the way he indulged your ridiculous request, but with how this whole time, he had actually been listening and watching, holding onto every word and fulfilling his side of the deal.

As you looked up from the paper and into his eyes, you could feel the warmth through his gaze even that far apart. You stood up again and Bucky did the same, coming around to meet you. It was as if your bodies were magnetic, drawing you towards each other until his one hand was on your cheek, the other wrapped around your waist as yours perched on his hips.

His eyes shifted between yours and he closed his eyes, drawing his forehead against yours before he spoke against your lips. “I’m serious. I love every moment with you. And I’m sorry it’ll have to end.”

You swallowed and let your eyes flutter closed as you leaned into his touch and nodded. “I know. But I get that you have work to do and it was already a lot for me to request you being here for so long. But just…for right now, be with me. Enjoy what little time is left of this with me. Please.” It came out as a whisper, a plea for him to remain present while he still could. You opened your eyes and looked up through your lashes to see him searching for your gaze.

He whispered back, “You don’t have to ask me twice. Say the word and it’s yours. I’m yours. And I’ll be right there if you ever need anything. Whatever you want, Honey. And right now, I’m here with you. I only want to be… with you.”

Your eyes closed again and you nestled into his chest in satisfaction at the depth of his words. You knew he was saying he would be present, but it meant so much more. For him to make a promise like that, extending beyond just business, made you feel supported, protected, embraced.

He pulled you closer if that was even possible and pressed his lips to your hairline, then using his hand against your cheek, he pulled your head so you were both leaning back enough that your gazes met before he smashed his lips against yours. It was with purpose and a new sort of urgency that you hadn’t really experienced in the slower kisses and pecks you had shared. You began to walk backwards and Bucky followed, lips attached to yours in a near-lock as your tongues danced, not unlike your feet, performing similarly to the two-step you had taught him weeks before. Your hands slid up a down his chest and began to pop open the buttons of his flannel shirt as his ran under yours, feeling the softness of your belly and tracing upwards, raising the hem of your shirt as his callused fingertips sent a thrill through you.

The two of you removed your clothing piece by piece, discarding them carelessly as you crossed through the living room and waltzed carefully up the steps, grateful Peter was out of the house for the day and helping Curtis with the weekend chores.

Clad only in underwear, you grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him towards your room, falling down on the bed as he crawled over you. His lips met yours once again as you widened your legs, allowing his hips to grind on your core. Your gasp at the sensation allowed Bucky’s tongue to explore your mouth, swallowing down each other’s moans and drawing closer and closer. Bucky pulled away for a second to catch his breath, the both of you looking deeply into the other’s eyes and panting.

His fingers traced down your side to play with the hem of your cotton panties, and you nodded, wordlessly giving him the permission he needed to pull them down. Bucky groaned at the sight of the damp fabric as he dragged the material down your legs, kissing back up your body and stoping to lovingly lick and nip at your neck as you whined and writhed for some sort of friction again.

“Jamie, please.”

He smiled and sighed at the way you begged for his touch, not used to being the one in control of anything since he’d been here, and now holding your pleasure in his hands. His fingers reached down to find your clit, dipping towards your entrance first to gather your arousal before making slow, teasing circles on the sensitive button. His soft touch set your body on fire. It had been so long since you’d been this intimate with anyone, all of your focus on the farm, and the exhaustion after a long week, not to mention the hurt from Jake deterring you from the desire for a partner.

“I’m here, I’m with you, Honey. I’ve got you-give you whatever you want. Just wanna make you feel good.”

Sensing your sensitivity and deducing how long it had likely been for you, Bucky slowly slid his middle finger through your slit, his eyes never leaving your face. He didn’t want to miss a single second of the way you nearly crumbled under his touch. Your eyes were half-lidded in pleasure as your body lurched forward at his slow, gentle intrusion, accompanied by a moan. He drank in the view, more gorgeous than he imagined you could be, back bowing at his touch. Bucky added another finger and the sensation of the cool metal against the heat between your legs was almost too much to handle.

Your legs began to shake as he slowly coaxed in a third finger, his thumb gently strumming your clit, deft fingers stretching your entrance. The feeling was overwhelming and pushing you impossibly close to an edge you hadn’t experienced in years at the hands of another.

“Jamie, Jamie it’s so much. So good. I’m so close.” It came out between hiccuping gasps as you tucked your face into his neck, throwing your arms around his muscular back and legs around his waist, pinning his hand between your bodies. You were clinging to him with your whole being as you reached your peak with a keen, pussy clenching his fingers almost painfully, but Bucky didn’t mind. He would’ve let you break his arm to see and feel the way he was wringing pleasure from the distant corners of your body right now. He continued to slowly pump his fingers against your walls, bringing you down from your high.

You would’ve collapsed onto the bed if Bucky hadn’t had a firm arm behind you, holding you to his chest where you had curled into him, as you gasped for air. You were finally able to pull your face away and look into his eyes again, his burning with desire and yours hazy with post-orgasmic bliss.

“Do you, uh, do you have a-“ Bucky’s eager nod cut you off as he pressed another sloppy kiss against your lips before slinking back off the bed and walking towards his bag in the corner of the room.

“I think so. Let me check.” Bucky hadn’t expected anything like this to happen over this month, so he definitely didn’t have a condom prepared. Perhaps his emergency one was still in his wallet, but he honestly wasn’t sure. He was pleasantly surprised to find it easily, rolling it on and coming back on the bed towards you.

As he hovered over you, you ran your hands along the scruff on the sides of his cheeks before pulling him down for another kiss. You could feel the weight of his hard length resting against your lower stomach, reaching down to stroke him gently. Bucky tensed at the sensation with a groan, throwing his head toward your shoulder and taking the opportunity to kiss your neck and down your collarbone before making his plea.

“Ride me, Honey. Need to feel you.”

You bit your lip nodding, complying with his request and moving to sit up as Bucky laid down against your pillows, right next to where you had just been sprawled out. You shuffled on your knees to straddle his hips, grinding down and letting his cock run through your folds, slick in preparation for him. You reached a hand down to perch his tip at your entrance, basking in the groan he let out at the sight. You slowly lowered yourself, the broad tip pushing your walls outward, pressure causing you to sharply gasp when he passed the threshold of your tight hole.

Your thigh muscles strained as you attempted to slowly but steadily lower yourself on his length, hyper aware of the delicious stretch of his thick cock inside you. The two of you sighed in relief as you bottomed out, nails gripping tightly into Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky held your hips as you adjusted to him, careful to not squeeze too hard from every time your tightness choked his dick. He fought the urge to throw his head back against the headboard, wanting to keep his eyes on you and where your bodies were connected. The sight of you splitting yourself open over him nearly made him come on the spot, but he tightened every muscle in his body again, trying to resist the urge. He only had one condom, after all, and he wanted to drag out this feeling for as long as possible.

He could see it on your face and feel your body start to relax as your nails gently scratched over his tattooed chest. You rocked your hips, testing the waters, and dragging a whine from both your lips. Your speed picked up, his hands continuing to guide you, finding a smooth rhythm that pulled moans, grunts, and gasps out of the two of you, until just like before, Bucky could feel you clenching again. He lowered his one hand, thumb finding your clit and rubbing tender circles, leading you both barreling towards a shared peak. Your hips stuttered and wavered with exhaustion, but Bucky continued guiding you with his firm, strong hand.

“C’mon Honey. You can do it. I can feel you’re close. Let go for me, sweet thing. Please. Come with me.” His voice was gruff, dripping with desire.

Your hands ran down the muscles of his torso and squeezed against his abs, nails digging in slightly. You used your last bit of energy to nod your head and urge him to help you along. Bucky planted his feet on the mattress, thrusting in tandem with the grind of your hips. You leaned down for a final kiss, wanting to be ever closer to him. As he gave into the gesture, it felt like everything hit you at once along with your shared orgasm: the sweet, tender moment, the reverence and respect he was treating you with throughout, and the fact that you didn’t know if it would ever happen again or if you’d see him after tomorrow.

Bucky came with a deep, but soft growl beneath you as he stroked your hair after you’d pulled away from his lips and tucked yourself into his neck again. He sat there, letting you cling to him for a second before he felt the unexpected wetness against his shoulder. Tears has started streaming down your face, and when Bucky caught a glimpse, his look was similar. Jaw clenched with water in his eyes.

The next morning, it was time for Bucky to go. The two of you had arranged it so you could have one last drive to the gas station together where you’d be meeting Gio.

Bucky convinced you to let him drive your truck for a final time, and you agreed, easily giving in to his request. He drove with the windows down, radio low on the dash, and one hand on the wheel. The other rested on your thigh while you clutched the arm attached to it against your chest and rested your head on his shoulder. His cheek was pressed against the top of your head. Bucky’s callused thumb made small circles on your skin as the breeze blew through the cab, paired with the warm glow of the early morning light, sun shining on your time together like it always had.

Next >

Bonus A/N: All this writing and this is the first time I’ve done smut for Bucky. I hope you enjoyed, I’d love to hear what you thought from a comment, reblog, or ask!!!

Series Taglist: @mrsnikstan @scuzmunkie @openup-yourmind @vicmc624 @hawkeyes-queen @blackhawkfanatic @morgthemagpie @buckybarnessimpp @calwitch @thesarcasmqueen-22

[cissyenthusiast010155]

could you do a Clea Strange x Fem reader prompt 8 <3

Hey, thanks for the request! Yes, I haven’t written for Clea yet, but she’s such a badass. I added some enemies to lovers vibes 😏

Fight Me ~Clea Strange xFem Reader

Mommy…Master List

Prompt-List

#8. “Fuck you.” “That’s what I’m trying to do...”

Warnings: NSFW, 18+!!, strap fucking, enemies to lovers, cheating, degrading kink, mistress kink…?, mommy kink…?

Enjoy (;

Ever since Master Strange’s journey off into the multiverse, he had been with Clea.

He had brought her back to New York Sanctum, where she lived.

All to your dismay.

You worked with Strange, almost like his second in command. You were a very skilled sorceress, who had been training for years.

But Clea didn’t seem to give a shit about any of that. She didn’t seem to give a shit about any of the Sanctum customs, and that pissed you off. Hell, she just pissed you off.

She was rude, arrogant, snarky and overall just a bitch.

You avoided her at all cost.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t avoid her all the time…

You were doing your mourning physical training session, when Clea waltzed into the training room.

“What exactly are you doing…?” She said with a bite, watching you amusingly.

You were practicing your balance with a wooden stick. Balance was extremely important for a sorcerer. Balance of the body. Balance of the mind.

You huffed annoyed, having lost your concentration, “Not that it matters in the slightest to you but I’m practicing my balance.” you bit back.

Clea snarked back, “How is balance ever going to help you in battle? Aren’t there more important things to know like I don’t know, how to fight??”

You groaned at her impossible nature.

“No really. I don’t think you and your “balanced” self could beat me in a fight.” Clea quipped.

“Oh really?” you snarked back.

And that’s how you ended up having a full on fight with Clea.

Right there in the training room.

You got a few good swings to her, and her swings were just as brutal.

It got heated quickly.

You were using conjured ropes to aid you, Clea had picked up her full on sword.

You went to bind her feet together, but she caught you off guard, smashing you into the nearby wall and pressing her sword harshly against your neck.

“Surrender.” Clea tauntingly commanded.

“Fuck you.” You spat out in response.

Clea’s eyes lit up with something else, something darker as she chuckled, “That’s what I’m trying to do...”

Before you could even process her words, her lips were clashing onto yours.

It was a breathless, passionate, hate filled fight for dominance.

Clea pressed her sword into your neck harder, eliciting a whimper of defeat from your lips.

“Oh my… Does someone like knife play…?” Clea tauntingly mused into your lips, as she tongue fucked your mouth.

“Just… fuck…” you chocked out.

“What was that?” She tauntingly purred.

“Fuck me. Please.” You panted, breathless from her ravaging your mouth.

Clea hummed with delight.

You quickly portalled the two of you into your private room.

“Strip. On the bed.” She directed you.

You followed without a second thought.

It just felt so natural… so right…

“So someone can follow directions?” Clea sarcastically quipped, as you kneeled on your bed, fully naked.

“Please…” you whimpered.

Clea grinned at your begging.

She crawled onto the bed to meet you. It was only then that you noticed that she had attached a massive strap onto herself.

Your eyes widened and you gulped at the sight.

“Spread your legs for me.” Clea snarled.

You followed her words.

Clea then positioned her dick right at your throbbing pussy and stayed there.

You whined and bucked your hips in need of friction.

Clea chuckled at your antics, “Beg. Beg for it. Beg me to fuck you dumb.”

“God Clea please!!” you immediately began to whimper, mewl, and beg, “Shit! Please fuck me! Fuck me so hard…!”

At that, she thrusted into you, eliciting a cry from your lips. She gave you no time to adjust, rather just began pounding into you mercilessly.

Tears were running down your face, your nails were scratching the flesh available on her back. Your screams filled the room.

“Fuck! I’m gonna cum!!” You cried out desperately.

“Already so soon…?” She tauntingly purred, “You must be so soaked and needy for me…”

You desperately nodded and mewled, “please… god… wanna cum…!!”

“Go on Then.”

Your walls clenched around her dick, as you screamed her name, eyes blinded through your orgasmic high.

When Clea pulled out of you, you were limp and completely breathless.

Clea chuckled at the sight of you.

She then whispered into your ear, “Be a good girl and we can do this again…”

Then she got up to leave.

“What about Strange?” you asked, having completely forgotten about him in your lust clouded mind.

“Be a Good Girl and he’ll never find out how much of a whore you are.” She purred in response, leaving you a fucked up mess…

[chosos-husband]

Can you do a junker queen X fem reader an angst but loving story so something like they get into a big fight but later that day or a few days later they talk it out and make up?

I love junkerqueen so much. Idk, I'm also just a certified tall woman enjoyer qwq. So obligatory tall women fluff at the end

As mentioned in my last post, I can write the reader as any gender. But, I'll stick with neutral just because :3 though, the reader is gonna be shorter than her definitely. I don't think any of you guys are over 7'(if you are pls hmu)

You were, by nature, a pacifist. Which made living in Junkertown quite hard for you, almost bordering impossible. Everyone that could did take advantage of your kind and trusting nature.

You let in someone who said that they just needed to use the restroom and ended up kicking you out of your own shitty apartment.

This was how Odessa found you. You were teary eyed and embarrassed that you allowed yourself, once again, down on your luck because you were trying to be nice. Usually, Dez was used to seeing people being cruel. So, to see someone crying without being beaten before, was unusual. Emotion was often foreign in Junkertown, as it was a weakness. She found your unprovoked kindness unusual.

Odessa, though, understood the desire. She grew up around here. In a way, all those thieves were here community. However, she knew as good as anyone how cruel these people could be. She knew changing them was impossible. Therefore, she adapted to the environment that she was given.

You just wanted to change that environment.

When she asked you why you were crying, you weren't sure whether or not you should answer honestly. But, she was the queen and you feared further trouble. Therefore, you explained your situation to her.

At the end, she smiled and placed her hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry about them." She shrugged. "They're all boneheads. Come on, you can stay with me."

You tried to insist that it wasn't necessary. But she insisted. It got to a point where it would be disrespectful to not take her offer. Therefore, the plan was for you to stay a week. But a week became two and two became three.

Your relationship with Dez spiraled from there. She was a protective lover. She hated seeing you hurt, emotionally or physically. You gave her someone that could ground her. She knew that you wouldn't bring her anymore chaos or stress. Rather, someone to help her calm down.

And she found she recovered from nightmares better with you sleeping next to her. It reminded her that everything was, in fact, okay. Dez would just pull you a little closer, make sure you were breathing, and go back to bed.

However, your nature caused a lot of issues. You had issues with how Odessa handled things. Her hot-headed approach frustrated you and you often wished that she handled things more gently. She couldn't understand how you were able to have a passive view about everything. But luckily, it usually worked out for you two.

Usually.

Dez handled something quite abruptly. Once again, leading more with her temper than her thoughts. Though Dez would more kind than previous rulers of Junkertown, that didn't mean you approved of how she managed things.

You heard about it through some mutual friends. Another raid that Dez led instead of trying to reason with her adversaries first. It annoyed you. Dez noticed something was off with you as she was tinkering with something she found. You were sitting next to her on the couch, but you weren't watching her fiddle with the metal anymore. Rather, you were spaced out, thinking about Dez's actions.

"What's wrong with you? You look like you got some bad news or something." Odessa frowned. She really didn't like seeing you upset.

"It's nothing, Dez." Though, your tone said something completely different and she knew that.

"Don't try to lie to me. I know you too well." Odessa moved closer to you. She wanted to know so she could fight with whoever made you upset.

"I just hate how you manage things. I mean, can't you try to reason with people before going crazy? Does it always have to be violence, Dez?" You frowned. Your girlfriend was immediately quite defensive.

"Hey, I give them more than enough chances to apologize."

"That isn't reasoning. You have to try to see their perspective. Maybe you're wrong too. It's hard to tell until you try to talk to them." You insisted.

"You know as well as I do that isn't how it works around here." She crossed her arms.

"But why can't we change that?"

"You really think you are going to change the people out there?" Odessa stood up. She was getting frustrated with you. She only lived because she fought. She only got to where she was because she fought and was unforgiving about it.

"I would at least like to try!" You stood up too. The height difference between you two became apparent.

"You've been here so long. How don't you get it?" She was raising her voice at you, but not recognizing it.

"I don't wanna just accept that maybe some people are just bad." You explained, but she largely wasn't listening.

"Is that why you ended up kicked out of your own house? God, where do you think you'd be? You still think you'd be fine?" She sighed "You're being so fucking stupid!"

She wasn't making eye contact with you. Odessa didn't see you tear up. She only saw you turn around and leave. Her thinking wasn't clear, if it was, she would have gone after you.

~

You went to stay with someone that you and Dez both trusted. They listened to you ramble about your argument with Odessa. They sided with your girlfriend. They experienced the same life she did. They saw how much you struggled because of your nature.

But they still listened to you and understood where you were coming from, and they let you sleep in their small guest room for the night.

Dez went to bed angry. She thought you were being completely irrational. She told herself that she didn't care where you ended up. But, when she woke up from a nightmare, she panicked without you next to her.

She looked for you, she yelled your name. Dez couldn't rationalize with herself for a solid minute. Rather, was consumed with the worry that she lost you.

Once she calmed down, Dez sat back down on the bed. Her breathing was irregular, and her thoughts scattered. She ran a hand through her hair while she tried to figure out what to do.

She was angry at you. But she knew that there was a reason she loved your calm demeanor. She loved how calming you were especially in moments like this. She needed it. Most importantly, she had to know that she wasn't losing you.

Dez thought about where you would have ended up. She knew you well enough to know that you would have been too scared to venture too far. She also knew that you weren't bitter enough to try to fully move out.

She figured that you went to a friend's house. Odessa knocked one door after door before reaching the friend that you chose to stay with. Of course, she was immediately let in.

You weren't able to sleep that night. You kept thinking about your fight with Dez. You worried about if this was going to be the end. Thoughts like that made it impossible to sleep.

The Queen knocked on the spare bedroom door.

"Come in." You said just loud enough to be heard. She immediately opened the door.

"y/n, come on. Can you come home please?" You sat up. It was the most desperate that Dez ever sounded.

"Are you still mad at me?" Your voice was soft.

"Can you please just come?"

~

The walk home was silent. But she did watch over you. Luckily there weren't many people out at this time of night. If they were, they recognized the Queen from afar and tended to stay away. She was just centered on getting home.

She opened the door for you. You assumed that the rest of the night was going to be quiet too. But, as soon as she shut the door, she grabbed your arm.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rude to you." Odessa frowned. "I just was upset. I didn't think you were wanting to understand. I grew up where my personality means not getting taken advantage of. It means getting what you need and getting access to what you want." Dez shook her head "But I like how you are."

"It's okay, Dez. I wasn't being the nicest either."

"But you didn't call me stupid." She stepped forward, the height difference between you and her became apparent once more. "I like that you talk soft and always try to see the best in others. It's cute." Odessa shrugged. "But if I'm not the way I am, you are going to get hurt again. I just wanted you to get that this isn't me being mean. It's just the say it is.

There was a long pause before she spoke again. "Are you gonna be mad at me?"

You looked up at her. You realized you are likely the only person that the Junkerqueen Queen would ever apologize to.

"No. I understand that you didn't mean it, Dez." You smiled. Odessa put her arms around you and picked you up. She carried you like this back to your shared bedrooms. She slightly threw you onto the bed. But you both shared exhaustion.

She laid next to you and put her arms around you. You smiled, feeling better that you had the queen to protect you while you slept. She pulled you close to her. Odessa observed that you were breathing and that comforted her. She gave you a kiss on your jawline.

"I love you. Even when I don't show that the best."

[idleorbitals]

(ray) thoughts from of ep 4

goddamn this ep came out swinging. I think however I take this it's just going to be a ray breakdown so let's just have a little ray breakdown

we get so much characterization in that first scene and oh boy is it painful. ray in an empty bathtub in flashback, calling mew in the middle of what looks very much like an intentional od. except he's not quite there; this is desperate cry for help territory. he reaches out to mew and tells him explicitly where he is and implicitly what he is doing; he either hasn't taken anything yet or hasn't taken enough to be in physical danger.

(khaotung's fucking acting in this scene. jesus christ.)

the ray mew dynamic is suddenly entirely heartbreaking because we can see that ray has attached himself to mew in a way that mew doesn't reciprocate, not even to touch romantic feelings. when mew picks up ray's call he hears him sloppy and emotional and is immediately exasperated and pushing him away (are you drunk again? I'm not picking you up this time. you're talking nonsense)

when he realizes what's going on mew runs to the rescue because he does care about ray, and wants him safe. but it's clear that mew does not want to be ray's emergency contact here. he's going to do what he can to help out someone he loves, but he has a solid self-preservation drive and he is going to stick to his guns the same way we've seen him do with top so far. for the next two years ray will continue to cling to mew like a lifeline and mew will continue to push ray away as much as he thinks he can handle it.

a strength of this show is that it doesn't shy away from showing the reality and the nuance of this kind of situation. this dynamic plays out in emotionally abusive relationships on the regular and I've watched it close up and it rocks me in fiction not in the indulgently angsty way I love but in a pit-in-my-stomach way.

ray is putting mew in the impossible place of being his only reason to stay alive. this is heavyweight manipulative behavior, even though it's coming from a place of desperate pain and grief. maybe ray is repeating a pattern he learned young; maybe he's come here in the throes of his own self-destruction. whether intentionally or not, he's picked someone relatively invulnerable to this tactic, and so he only feels lonelier and more broken as it plays out. ray is looking for a savior in mew that mew refuses to be.

this dynamic gets an echo in the scene where ray kisses mew without consent. goddamn the narrative framing on this is well done. ray gets told off, both directly by mew and metatextually. he will return later to apologize earnestly for his behavior.

ray screws up over and over with mew. and we still hurt for him, because mew has the self-worth to stand up for himself, while ray loses no opportunity to add evidence to his reasons-I-am-a-terrible-person file.

meanwhile sand. we have seen already that the only thing standing between him and taking the psychic damage ray is dealing out everywhere is his quickly crumbling boundaries. he's stuck them so far, but only nominally. every time ray applies the na? na? he folds so fast it hurts to watch.

three minutes exactly post the above screenshots it has become a joke we share with the camera, in which ray says "hey, I saw a record store nearby. will you go there with me?" and we cut from one singular na directly to a closeup shot of sand's hands as he flips through a stack of records.

this scene also gives us ray trying to recreate the banter they had in their early interactions, in which sand threw insults at him and ray gave him bedroom eyes in response. ray names some insults sand has used in past and asks to be yelled at as punishment for bailing on him to pick mew up and without the na of doom sand just stares at him and thinks about what he's done.

sand doesn't want to throw insults at ray. sand is grasping at least one piece of ray's mo. he looks at ray and sees the lonely sadboi underneath, and he wants to save him.

unfortunately for sand but potentially fortunately for their long term prospects, as of yet ray is not looking to him for a savior the way he has with mew.

the end of this episode brings us back to ray's bathtub. the first time we were here ray was not using it as a bathtub. not to put too fine a point on it, but with no water in it, a bathtub shares some notable characteristics with a coffin.

this time, there is water in the bathtub and ray, again, and a glass of liquor, again, but no pills. this time, there is also no fully clothed mew to offer contrast to the physically and metaphorically naked ray. (mew, as it happens, is busy being physically and metaphorically naked in top's shower)

this time, ray is alone. but he's closing his fist significantly around the keychain that represents his relationship with mew, and looking significantly over at the poor boy shirt that represents his relationship with sand. the levels of analogy the of production team have wrung out of that singular t-shirt deserves an award

now we cut from the t-shirt Directly back to the record store, to sand saying "just give it a try. I think you might like it", which is definitely about the music and not a metaphor for anything, and putting headphones onto a ray who is gazing back at him like so:

as tender gentle acoustic music fills in raysand exchange longing glances and sand mouths /do you like it?/ and then has to ask again aloud, and ray affirms, and then has to take his headphones off to say it again more explicitly. no metaphors here, folks. we're talking about the song, and the song only.

then they tenderly and gently begin to take each other's hands.

I think I remember this scene from the lion king

so what's next? unfortunately we are only 1/3 of the way through this series, which means that raysand are still far away from any happy ending they may or may not be allowed. this episode suggests a possible bookend to ray's pining after mew, but those feelings don't change overnight, and sand is still forebodingly in the dark about them. also big question marks around ray's ability to approach reciprocal love in less toxic ways. also various addictions in play here. this could go wrong in so many ways I can't even guess the most likely! but boy am I along for the ride

(all ofts reflections)

[nellherself]

In The Woods Somewhere

a short story by Nell Egan, not to be replicated without specific permission.

When I was a boy, my father, the very father that brought me here today, used to tell me all the time to go outside. “But it’s boring,” I’d say “I want to stay here and read my book.” Pouting with all the conviction of a shadow, strong on a summer's day. “Find an adventure!” He would tell me, gently shoving me out the door, “Write your own stories, go and live the book.” 

So, that day, I did.

I walked down the path from our little pebbledash house and down the lane towards the field, listening to the crickets cry and the gulls scream as I went. I walked across the stretch of dying grass, attempting to remain out of sight of the boys who lived across the lane playing games at the other end of the field; the boys who were mean to me at school and liked to football tackle each other to the ground unprompted. I walked down the canal path, imagining what it would be like to fall in the filthy water and promptly pushing myself as far away from the waters edge as physically possible. 

In the evenings, bats flew over those canals and sometimes I would go there with my father and watch them as they swooped gently over the water. This was at the time when my mother was quite ill though, so it had been a while since i’d been down there and walked along the path, a good long while since I’d done it alone. At that point in the summer the bats would have been birthing their pups, and if we’d been able to go down we would’ve seen them in dozens, on those warm summer nights, but the stress made my father too tired. 

I walked down that canal for almost a mile before meeting the main road on the other end from where I’d originally joined the path. I still walk down this path sometimes, and in my later years it was where me and my friends would walk to go into the village centre, but at that time I hated the main road, it terrified me. Even back then, cars shot down it with certainty, not slowing down for anything or anyone; two people had been killed that year already. It was July. 

Nevertheless, I flew across the road as fast as I could, squeezing my eyes shut as I reached the other side to breathe, as if I could only bear one thing in that moment. When I recovered, I looked before me, at the gate. The gate was black and rough, cool beneath my fingers. The iron was rusting in places and it howled as I pushed it open, sliding into the beyond through the gap it created. I had known where I was heading, it was a place I liked to go often, but in that afternoon light the cemetery looked ethereal and ancient, like something out of a pre-raphaelite painting. The angels jumped out at me, ashen wings outstretched and aggressive in some sort of unusually delicate way.  I walked through the graves reading the dates; 1861, 1955, 1901: old and young. I remember the trees in that place were huge; massive, towering giant sequoias all in neat rows, with their red wood trunks like flame and their leaves stretched across the sky like a covering, providing relief for the scorching July sun. I loved walking among those graves. It made me feel like I had hundreds of friends who were just happy to have a visitor and listen to me talk; I must’ve stayed there for hours upon hours. 

It was getting dark by the time I realised I should probably be heading home. I walked back down the way I had come among the graves, however this time I saw a man in a high-vis walking towards the pond on the other side. The gate was open. 

In all the times I had been in that place, I never once had that gate been open; never once did I see it open again. The gate led to a deep pond, the sign indicated that it was more then five hundred metres deep, but I found that difficult to believe. It was not a lake, it was simply a duck pond, for it to be so deep seemed impossible, but now I’m not so sure. 

I creeped down, hiding behind trees and creeping behind graves until I could see exactly what they were doing. From that angle, the pond was in clear view and the dusky light made it easy to make out the shadowy figures of the men who surrounded it. They appeared to be holding what looked like a big hook, to my childish mind like a pirate’s hand, but really it was like a big fishing hook on the end of a long piece of string. Thick cord, heavy: it looked like it would be rough beneath my hands were I the one holding it. I watched as they threw it into the sullen water, greeting the surface with a colossal splash as it did so and aggravating the algae on the water’s top; it wobbled back into place and settled once more. 

I watched as the three or four men repeated this, dragging it out each time with three or or four sets of hands and a mighty heave. The fifth time they did this, I remember the clear resistance of the rope and the unison of grunts from the men as they were flung back by the force of its upheaval. They shone a yellow light on the sizable catch and it was then that I saw what it was. A body, bloated with water and punctured in the cheek from where the hook had pierced, it’s watery tresses plastered to the side of it’s face. There was pondweed on it’s pale skin, skin that looked almost false like rubber, as though it had been sewn onto a mannequin or fashioned out of wax for a freak show. 

I watched as it rolled towards me, limp, eyes open making eye contact with me and I watched as it morphed into my father before my eyes, becoming more familiar with every passing second. 

I squealed then, and the men all turned towards the grave behind which I was cowered, muttering to one another. I don’t remember what I thought in that moment, I just remember that I ran. I ran as fast as I could on my childish, twigish legs, panting like a dog all the way back down the canal and across the field. The dangerous road no longer even a necessary consideration. I ran until I reached my home, knocking furiously on the door to our home, rapping until my knuckles were sore. My father opened the door. “Alright! Hold on I’m here!” As soon as I saw him I launched myself at him, laying my head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat and wrapping my arms around him to make sure that he was real, that he was there. He said my name in a gasping tone, like I’d knocked the air clean out of him with the force in which I had grabbed onto him, “Everything alright?” he followed, questioning the closeness between us. It was a dynamic we had never had; “Yes.” I said, breathlessly, and nothing more. 

I never told anyone what I had seen; what I had thought in that cemetery on that warm July evening.

I miss that now, that closeness. I had never felt as close to my father as I did in that moment and as I grew up, although I wished us to get closer again, we grew further and further apart until he was almost a stranger to me; a stranger I shared only a last name with and very little in common. I wish in his later years I had made more of an effort to get close to him once more. I’d like to think that, in hindsight, if I knew how much I’d regret it now I would have tried to mend our closeness and knit us back together, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.  

I didn’t step foot in that graveyard again until his funeral, these forty years later. We chose to have a closed coffin, me more so than my mother. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing that body again, it’s limp bloat, my pale faced father as a John Smith pulled from the murky water. It wasn’t hard to convince her; he hadn’t looked particularly well when he died.

I still think about that evening, I see it in my dreams; that face staring back at me, the yellow torch light cast across it. When we, the ten person procession that we were, walked under those sequoias it came back to me so vividly that I was winded and had to stop, bending at the waist and holding myself up haphazardly. My mother walked over to me and placed her hand gently on my shoulder thinking the pain was personal, a memory of my father. I suppose it was in a way, but not in the way she thought. 

I could see the duck pond from where we stood to bury him. I couldn’t help but think about the body the whole time, even while they lowered him into the ground I was thinking of that day. 

When we walked past again, on our way out leading to the main road, I noticed the gate was open.

[ticcitoby-obsessor]

The first meeting

-----Look at pinned post to understand-----

Phase = 13 years old

Warning= First person perspektiv, Suicidal Thoughts, depressed teen

Part 1

1779  words

“You never believe me!!!” I am shouting so hard it echoes in the tinny hallway. My teeth are shattering and my heart is pounding. I can feel the tingle of numbness in my lips and my throat becoming raspy. It physically hurts me to be this angry, this upset. It doesn't seem to bother her though, not the slightest. As she stands in front of me, straight back, looking at me as if I am some spoiled child throwing a tantrum. I am not, but how should I react when I try my hardest and she will not recognize it even. 

 “I believe you think you are.” My mother sighs. The disappointed look that makes me wish I didn't come home from school today.

 “But the fact is that your grades are poor, regardless and what you are learning now is the building blocks for the future. You need to know these things, if not, you will never be able to do anything in life.” Her hands come up, expressing her frustration on me perfectly. My blood is boiling but what can I say, I guess I am just to stupid to do anything in this life then. 

 “If you would just let me get you someone that could work with you at home.” 

 “I am already being taken out of class, being humiliated by everyone, for having private classes, if you do that” I stutter as the tears come down my face. Salt hitting my tongue. My face is red, and my skin feels pulled and tired.

 “Nobody needs to know, I can get someone from the city, I can drive them here after work and bring them back in the evening. Maybe you can stop having private classes at school too.” she begs of me, but we have had this conversation before, both she and I know it is useless. I cant even try to mutter a word back as everything in me hurts and all I can do is cry, but I will not, I am angry not sad, I will not cry.

 “All you do is be lazy in your room anyways.” She says, her tone changes and so do I. I look up at her face, she looks angrily at me. She wishes for me to listen but she doesn't understand. Everyday I am tired, exhausted in my head and all over my body. All I can do is sleep, but how can I not? I don't understand how anyone can have energy after school. My life is just sleep and school and now she wants to pile on me more school, so I never get any rest. This “talk” isn't going anywhere. So I turn, my feet start to move to the door, I only entered through a few minutes ago. I feel numb with anger, numb in my body. It moves without my thought, without me. I am only inside watching it all unfold. As my mothers hand catches my shoulder. I rip the shoulder forward making her become off balance. 

 “Where are you going now?!” She shouts as my hand reach for the handle of the door.

 “You are always so childish, you can never see reason, you are impossible to deal with.” She continues, but she doesn't come after me, she doesn't dear to. The door slams behind me, sending a chill down my spin. “What do I do now?” I look around the house, the white, almost abandoned looking house that in its glory days probably housed a nice big family that loved each other, but now is made into two small apartments, one upstairs and one for us, down stairs. Just like us, the once upstairs are also a broken family. A woman lives there with two young boys, much younger than me. She seems like a drunk, but she complains all the time about us, so maybe she is more put together then I think. Having to deal with us, must be hell. A teen girl getting shouted at everyday by a new loving couple that broke her family a part. It was good the first year, when it was just me and her, but then the reason she left my father moved in and since I have been alone in it all. Making my own food, doing my own things and indeed sleeping all that I can, since school is hell on earth. The house stands alone on the outskirts of a big forest. The thick woods look inviting as I know I have nowhere to go. How could I ever go back even though all I want is to be back in bed. My feet cross the gravel driveway and head into the woods. The trees around are tall and gray, the branches don't start until four meters up. It makes it a lot easier to see further into the woods. The sun doesn't reach with the thickness of the branches up top, so the ground beneath me is brown, covered in dead pine needles. I look back for a moment, she isn't coming after me, she never will. I am only a bother to her now. She is probably happy I am out, so she can go back to her loving new boyfriend. Makes me want to puke. So I turn and let my tired aching body push up into a run. The anger carries me, as the tears run down, they swoosh off my face, while the clump in my chest makes it hurt to breathe. The evil thoughts continue regardless of how much I run and they are true. I have no one, I have lost my family, my father as we left and my mother to another man. My previous friends find me annoying and I know they wish I wouldn't hang around them. As soon as I walk up to them, they become quiet, every time, they always had jokes but never let me hear them. I know they talk after school, I know they meet up and hang up, but I am never invited. One time I caught them, hanging out at the beach only a few minutes walk from my mothers house. I was going down, since it was in the middle of summer and I thought I could be alone there, but as I approce the beach, I see the four, sitting around a portable campfire, one of the once you buy at the store for use once. They were blaring music and laughing. As they saw me, it stopped. They whispered to each other as I went up to them, being naive as I was, I was happy to see them. I asked why they didn't tell me and all I got was that they forgot. Somehow they didn't forget anyone else and as I sat down by them, they said their mothers were on their way and they needed to clean up and head home. I was so naive that summer but now I know better. But regardless I hang around them, what am I supposed to do, eat my lunch by myself in some bathroom. How pathetic can I be? Some people are good in school but have no friends. Some have all the friends but are shit at school. I am somehow both, shit dumb and unlikeable. Everyone is angry with me, my mother, my friends for hanging on them and my teachers. There is no one else in my life. If I died out here in the woods everyone would just be happy about it. 

 As my feet start to ache I see three big rocks in front of me, that I dive down on, out of breath and still crying, loudly and with an ugly face. I can barely keep my eyes open as the tears fall down around me. The stone is cold and hard but with some struggle I manage to scotch my butt up on it. I place my legs up on it and make my way further back. As I find a somewhat level place on the large rock, I sit with my head between my legs and I let the tears fall. My hulks are loud around me and my cries for my mother are out right embracing but I can't help but scream for her. Not for the witch in that house but the mother I had before, before she split with my father. The caring, kind women that always held me when I cried. That always made things better, not worse like this one does. They feel like totally different people and the realization of that makes me feel as if I have totally lost her all together. If she was dead it would have been better at least then I wouldn't have to deal with this person that says she is my mother, but never acts like it. I sit on the cold stone for another half an hour until the tears dry up and I am no longer able to cry anymore. It hurts so much so I sob softly as I raise my head. My neck hurts immensely and for a moment I become scared I can not move it, but up it goes. I dry my tears on the cheaply made black hoodie that I had fallen in love with. As I open my eyes my heart skips a beat, I need to rub my eyes once more to believe what I see in front of me. It had become dark but this was not another tree, the white circle far up, made me sure of it. It looked like a man, an abnormally tall man, rather slim and in an black suit. Like my father had worn some times. His legs were as long as normal trees. I had become sure I was hallucinating now.  I had no power to scream, to run or do anything normal as one might when seeing something unnatural. But something in me was more curious than afraid too. I sat there blankly staring as the man moved closer, he walked relatively slow and with small steps for the size of his legs. As he came closer, he towered over me and I saw that the white circle resembled a face, without eyes, or mouth, no nose or cheekbones. Just blank and white, “looking” down at me. It as I had decided by now this was no man, was reaching its hand out to me. It stopped before the stone, maybe so it would not scare me. The hand was as long as the legs. It did not speak, it did not motion anything.

[drivingsideways]

On watching Pathaan

I don't want to talk about the film itself, which was a shock to my system- it's been several decades since I watched a Bollywood "masala" film, so I'd evidently missed the part where they've apparently forgotten almost entirely how to make those. The Bollywood masala films I grew up with weren't clever or technically fabulous or intellectually satisfying (though a few were all of those); that wasn't what you went to the theatre for. You went to feel twenty different emotions in the space of two hours and forty five minutes, and come out (literally) sweaty and fulfilled, with a earworm that wouldn't leave you for a month. Pathaan ostensibly belongs to that category of films except that it's not: it's a film that seems afraid of emotions, big or small; of dialogues with multi syllable words; of silences, of empty spaces; in the end it's a film that resists both thought and feeling, and provides only simulacrums of both.

And yet?

This entirely made-by-subcommittee exercise in soullessness is rescued by one fact: that it has Shahrukh Khan. You cannot, physically, make a movie without feeling once it has Shahrukh in it. You can try (and boy, does Sidharth Anand try ) but if you want to see how one man's personality entirely WARPS a narrative, just consider this: "Pathaan" never gets a "real" name onscreen. He's not Raj, Rahul or Kabir. He's just Pathaan: a man adopted by an entire village in Afghanistan; and adopted here, in his "homeland" as well; at this point in his career, everyone knows that Shahrukh is of Pathaan ancestry himself, so the movie is literally just calling him what someone probably once called his grandfather or great grandfather.

See: if this had been an Akshay or Ajay or even Salman movie, it would have been nothing but crass misogyny and militant nationalistic jingoism start to finish and it doesn't entirely escape either of those things even now; but the moment you have Shahrukh and those eyes of his which feel everything, and show everything, you just can't make that film. You'd be laughed out of the room. The movie had to literally acknowledge this when it has a character say of "Pathaan": the others are calculated, methodical, but Pathaan? He thinks with his heart.

Yeah, baby. That's blorbocore, ok?

You can't think your way to Shahrukh, you can't reason your way to him; you have to feel him. It's a binary state: you either do, or you don't. It has been that way since he burst into national consciousness with Fauji (1989) , big nosed and pimply-skinned; and it's that way now, when he's fifty seven and got six pack abs and smooth skin in post.

You have to look into his eyes and see the truth there: (love conquers everything)

Every tiny bit of truth gleaming gold in the muddy riverbed that is Pathaan comes not from the elements of the film itself, but from who Shahrukh Khan is, to us, in this moment of our history; who he has been to us in the last three decades; the man who made grannies and children laugh and cry; who set the standards that women of my generation would judge men against; our sona, our kintsugi, in a country that always seems to be on the verge of an irreparable fracture, and somehow, so far, hasn't given up. We shouldn't exist, yet here we are. We don't know where we'll be tomorrow, but that's for tomorrow.

I know there are many reasons for Pathaan's success, but one of them, surely ,is this: that we wanted him to win. Nobody in public life in the last three decades has embodied our ridiculous, laughable dreams and our spectacular failures as he has; he was-and is- our guy, hamara, the one who said watch me , I'm going to do the impossible, and it's going to be fun. And we did. I know people are watching Pathaan for all sorts of reasons, but one of them is surely this: that we loved him in the way we love ourselves, that we missed him in the way we miss ourselves; that when the chips were down, we came out to see this ageing superstar reinvent himself, do the impossible once more; that when we walked into that theatre, we were saying, go on, shona, do your thing, we're watching you, we're still here.

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Catharsis - Resident Evil OC Snippets Part 2

Carlisle is a young transgender man that worked at RPD as a receptionist and was recovered from the rubble that fateful night in 1998 after being separated from the rookie cop that had rescued him. Saved by a scientist fleeing the city, the young man is offered the chance of a lifetime--to be involved with experimental rapid and completely transformative testosterone HRT. Carlisle gives himself a new name and accepts to be part of the study, falling in love with His Doctor (Spencer Stevens) along the way and watching as his dreams come true. Things are not always as they seem though, and it seems the good doctor did not have his patient's best interests at heart...and Carlisle soon discovers he is Umbrella's newest BOW experiment. This small snippet is an excerpt of Carlisle's journey after escaping Umbrella captivity and living in hiding with an old friend as they desperately hunt for a antivirus.

My hands cross over his, my nails like sharpened iron, skin rough and hopelessly dry beneath hair so thick it is almost like fur. He is fast asleep, bare chest and small breasts moving softly with each breath, the moon peeking through the blinds making his nipple rings glimmer. I like how he sparkles even when his eyes are closed.

I reach up and brush the hair from his forehead. It's warm. Still a little sick. It's likely from the stress. He told me he used to get them all the time as a kid, both when he was homeless and in his foster homes. He told me it didn't happen too often anymore until after what happened to him in Spain.

My feet hang off the ends of the bed, but I don't care. Gently, I pull him to me. He is well muscled, yet so impossibly soft. Irresistibly soft. He feels delicate in my arms, though I know he's not. I remember the way his eyes shined the night we met in Raccoon City. They don't shine like that anymore. The boy I met that night and the man I lay with are two different chapters. And yet, as my eyes fixate on the soft stubble of his chin, I know it is the same story, a book I am hopelessly lost in.

I'm changing. The doctor who did this to me... He said he wanted to help me. He promised me metamorphosis. I wanted to be a man, but as the days progress I turn more and more into a monster. I was happy with him once...but Leon helped me escape when the doctor became less of a lover and more of an owner. When I became less "future husband" and more lab rat. Leon has kept me safe and hidden in the two years since. Within the past few months, physical changes have begun to happen more rapidly. It makes me sick to my stomach. Leon tries to help me figure out how to cure it, he uses all his resources to try and seek an antivirus, he assures me we'll fix me before the mutation progresses too far, promises that we'll get me proper healthcare and not some "wackjob science experiment".

Leon understands me in a way no one else does. He is...like me. My doctor gave me the word, but Leon gave me the truth. Transgender.

And yet, I feel like it is already too late.

I'm crying without realizing it, fat rivers of tears coursing down my cheeks. I only realize my eyes are closed--imagining the man I could have been...and oh god, the nightmarish thought of living as a woman, of having repressed everything I am forever, but oh fuck, what am I turning into, what the fuck am I going to do--when Leon's hand cups my chin. His hands are tiny and kind against my jaw. He is strong and reassuring, his eyes dark with concern.

I blink against the stream of tears, ready to apologize, but he places a finger to my lips and then pulls me in close. He's so much smaller than me, and yet he feels like my whole world.

He's kept me so safe, and yet...we've never said it. The L word. It terrifies both of us. We sleep in the same bed. But we're not dating. Just saving space. Being economical. When we cuddle or fuck...boredom. Loneliness. Desperation?

Well. I'm desperate at least. Always have been.

I sob into him, let him run his fingers through my hair until I am weak, until I slump down and pull him into the crook of my chest, feeling him relax against the iron wall of my stomach. A thread of hunger pulses through me, and I grit my teeth, angry. I think of the dog from the other day...the thought of all that blood makes my stomach hurt. I try to not think about it at all. I try to focus on calming the predatory beat of my heart, on lowering my blood pressure.

He sighs softly, pressing his back into me, filling up every inch of space between us. "It's going to be okay." He says. He says more, comforting words and promises that ease me into sleep, gentle lullabies that bleed together and make a soft hum as I fade.

I believe him.

I believe him with all my heart, even as my skin starts to split and bloody pus drips onto the wooden floor. I believe even as disgusting red pustules form on my skin, breaking open into weepy new eyes, the sight from my true eyes beginning to leave, bright and painful as looking at the sun. Even as my spinal pain makes it difficult to stand upright. Even as my knuckles drag on the ground like some sort of beast. Even when I begin to lose my mind, when I forget words, when I keep getting bigger and need more and more meat.

Even when I'm losing everything that makes me me, I believe him. He smiles the same way he did that night in 1998. After everything... Even when the light in his eyes is dark, he still smiles. Always something to say. Just the right thing. How can I not believe him?

I believe him until I'm nothing.

I wonder if he still believes?

I don't think I'm waking up this time.

[a-very-neat-monst3r]

LONG POST AHEAD

SERIOUSLY LONG POST AHEAD

Most recent is that I almost had myself admitted for a 72 hour hold🙃 But I’ll start from the beginning.

I haven’t been on in 5 days and so much has happened. SO much. Over the course of this month, I’ve lost my job, was in a car accident, had to attend the emergency room in 3 occasions all together, and all for different purposes.

Obviously the car accident was the first. Everyone was okay, we all got away with scrapes and bruises. My dad got the worst of it, as it was the passenger side that was hit. He ended up with a broken left wrist and a broken right foot, which he has had surgery because they needed to literally screw his foot back together. All is well now, it’s been a few weeks and he got his walking boot on Thursday. I’ve been taking care of him while he’s healing, which has been perfectly fine. I’ve never had a problem living with my dad because we’re so alike in personality. However, the trauma and guilt from the crash have made my mental state almost impossible to control. It added to everything going on in my head.

The second ER visit was for an access, which was terrifying, scary, painful. I hope I don’t need surgery to fix it, but I’ll find out on Thursday.

The last time I went to the emergency was Sunday. Over the weekend I had reconnected with my oldest best friend and stayed at her place catching up from the last 6/7 years. The very first night I was there was completely fine. However! It went downhill very quickly. Not that anything bad happened, but I was explaining things to my friend, and the first thing she told me was that she guaranteed all of my memory problems, speech, basic skills and other small problems were caused from having had SO much trauma over my life that after almost 27 years, it all finally caught up with me.

The entire time I was there after she told me that, I was miserable. Not because of her or anyone else, just my mindset. She was so so right and it took my entire life to realize this.

I don’t ride in cars unless I have to, or if I do I sit in the backseat because I don’t want to see traffic at all. If I see another car too close for my comfort I instantly start crying and panicking. Watching a woman get out of her car made things so much worse, because once I saw that steering wheel and empty drivers seat all I could do was picture myself behind the wheel.

On Sunday the plan was to stay for the daughters birthday party, but after my ptsd had me shut down in the corner of her room sobbing and holding a blanket… I knew I had to go.

THIS ENTIRE TIME, over the course of easily a year or two, I’ve been having problems with my memory, walking, and other things. My vision had slowly been getting worse but that wasn’t a surprise because I didn’t have insurance for a couple of years to get new glasses. I got to the point over the last couple of years where my sight was so bad I couldn’t make out the black blobs of letters and had people reading things for me. I was terrified I was slowly going blind, but until recently, I never really thought anything of it because it was only once in a while… but I never told anyone, and I should have.

I pleaded to a god I don’t even believe in to let me make it from the car door to my front door without tipping over and losing control of my walking. At this point the dizziness and trying to walk were my biggest physically problems. We made it inside, spoke to my dad, and then stumble/FALL into my chair and close my eyes wanting everything to stop spinning and for no one to notice. I had to get something from the kitchen, held into whatever I could to keep standing to get there, with legs so wobbly I can fall over without a warning. I had been trying to text my sister about what I was feeling and we do have several mental illnesses in the family, including dementia and Alzheimer’s. This may sound extreme but I was convinced it was something along those lines. Like i said, these are very common in our family.

Nope.

I went to the ER for the last time knowing that my mental state was horrible and this is when I almost had myself admitted.

Like I said, I was in a bad car accident but walked away with only crazy scrapes and bruises, no concussion. I kept the possibility of a late showing concussion in my mind, too.

My grandmother is literally holding my hand and helping me walk to the car because I can’t stand straight.

If it helps, imagine losing your balance and tipping over because suddenly your legs decide they’re done for. Think of it as walking home drunk, and falling over all the time. But literally all the time.

I even told my family I knew since I was a kid I was meant to die in a car accident. Driving has always been one of my top fears, and the first time I have my drivers permit is the first time I caused an accident.

I know this all over the place but I cant explain how hard it was for me to pour out the words I needed to. I almost couldn’t.

You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to tell your family that you’re suffering from survivors guilt for something that never happened. No one died.

But I was supposed to.

THE BEST PART is that when I left the emergency room, I was perfectly clear headed, I had calmed down a smidge over the last couple of hours.

Literally all of my blood work came back fine, nothing at all to worry about with anything.

It’s hard to describe the feeling when someone else verifies that it really IS all in my head. I’ve ignored myself and my mental state and needs for SO long my body was starting to actually shut itself down until I paid attention.

Everyone keeps telling me I need to let go of of everything I’ve been holding onto, every bad thing I’ve always had feelings or experiences with. I’m a passive person, I don’t cause problems but I try to solve them. I end up taking care of other people and doing things so I push everything in a pile to the back of my mind.

How the fuck do I do that?

I’m trying to get back to my old therapists office and see if she is still there. Like I said, I lost insurance and couldn’t afford to take of myself much anymore in the way of doctors. I was supposed to have a job interview yesterday but when I woke up there was instant unstoppable stress because thinking about doing the interview had me worried it would make me feel worse and add on extra stress. My family assures me it’s fine and it’s okay for me to take time to collect myself and they will take care of things during that period.

I have a lot of guilt for a lot of things I guess I’m not supposed to feel guilty for, and I think that having SO SO much piled up from even being a kid that I actually busted.

It only took 27 years.

[thots-n-prayrs]

I am depressed and bored and trying something new.

I have never journaled. Ever. I just don’t have the drive, or the ability to do something consistently. My life has been a series of hyperfixations that burn out and are soon replaced by brand new hyperfixations, so consistency is just...not my thing.

But I guess now that I have the itch to write, I will.

The whole point of doing it on Tumblr is that I’m screaming into the abyss and I know it. I don’t need a response. I don’t even need for this to be acknowledged, much less actually read. I just want to write it, but I don’t want to keep a running document on Google and I don’t have my own computer right now to keep shit like this on.

I’ve been in a weird state since at least Sunday. Months ago, my wife printed out the “how s*icidal are you” scale my therapist gave me and put it on the fridge so I could move a magnet up and down as my depression ebbs and flows. This probably happened because of one or two incidents where I was s*icidal and didn’t even tell my wife until it passed, and I freaked out, broke down crying, and told her I what I had been feeling and planning.

Sunday-ish, my mental state jumped from where it hovers, around three (”I wish I was d*ead”) to five (”I want to k*ll myself.”) Five is not yet cause for concern. Six is where you should start to get worried. Seven is where you should be more worried. Eight is where you should probably call my therapist or the hospital, because nine or ten is extremely bad.

Well, it hasn’t gone back down. I’ve hovered right here, unusually high, for days. It’s really strange and kind of awkward being in the stage of ideation where you’re thinking about it but not planning. It’s impossible to honestly answer a “how are you.” And, it’s uncouth to tell your co-workers, “Yeah, so, I’m struggling a lot with x, y and z because I am actively fighting my own brain just to stay alive.”

“Stay alive” meaning I don’t want to move any higher up on the scale. Ideally, we move down.

So the problem is that I don’t really know how to move it down. Historically, I have one big cataclysmic breakdown, and then when it subsides, I’m somewhat better. I drift back down to a three. The problem with whatever this is is that it won’t seem to hit the crescendo and subside like it has before. I’m just...here. Like this. Trying so hard to hold myself together -- which isn’t going great since this particularly bad depressive episode is affecting everything. It’s affecting work quite badly. I’m making mistakes I would have never normally made. I’m forgetting everything, even if I write it down. It’s overall going pretty poorly.

(My therapist, my wife and myself made a crisis plan, by the way. My stupid brain found ways around it.)

And all I can really do is remind myself that my wife doesn’t deserve to be widowed. Papa doesn’t deserve to bury another family member way too young -- least of all his own child. Nobody deserves the ridiculously high expenses of a funeral and a burial or cremation.

The other thing I keep reminding myself is that this bad haircut is going to grow out. My hair grows fast. It will be worth watching it grow back to a length I like. It will be worth having cut and styled in a way I actually like it.

My health goals are worth pursuing. I gained weight again when I stopped working a physical job. It’s totally worth learning to exercise without accidentally injuring myself. It’s worth watching myself get slim again, and maybe trying to build muscle like I always wanted to. The only issue with all this is my body, because, well. Chronic pain and fatigue. But one of the ways people deal with fibromyalgia is exercise and changing to a healthier diet.

It’s all worth pursuing, and I can sort of see it in some moments, but then it vanishes and I get lost in the now. Well, right now I’m overweight. Now I’m tired and in pain. Now my hair is ugly (to me).

I’ll be fine in the end. It’s just hard right now. I’m not going to k*ll myself, don’t worry. If I were planning that, I wouldn’t be writing this -- I would be planning or executing...horrible, horrible joke, yikes.

[superiorjello]

So I got The Untamed on DVD for my birthday this year, because I am a bitch that loves physical media. I started watching it today, because the powers of free time and ADHD were on my side, and the first couple episodes have been... interesting

I'm not sure if there are multiple dvd releases or just the one, but mine came from VStarz Enterprise, if that means anything to anyone.

So, first off, there is a logo perma-burned into the top right corner. So that's rude. I MY MOM paid MONEY for this and there's better quality video for free on YouTube? Also there are Mandarin subtitles perma-burned in there too. And when the English subtitles are on they sit overtop the Mandarin ones, so there's like 1/3 of the screen full of subtitles. It's not great.

Secondly, some of the translations are... creative. And sporadically applied. Lan Zhan gets called the fully translated "light bearing lord" for all of episode one, but then it's suddenly "hanguang" in episode two (no -jun suffix on there either). Koi Tower gets called the Immortal Unicorn Tower? Oh, and cultivators are Immortals, apparently (can't wait to see how they differentiate someone like Baoshan Sanren). Also I'm used to "Dafan this, Dafan that" when it comes to Wen Qing's family, and it being translated as "Fan Mountain" threw me off. Does "Da" just mean mountain or something?

I did find it interesting that they translated Mo Xuanyu wwx as saying he would break his cousin's hand if he stole again, and then his arm gets demonically possessed. The slight difference between a hand and a whole arm and then still getting blamed for it anyways adds a slightly different flavor to the scene than him having already threatened the entire arm, and I dig it.

Then there's the bad translations. Our intrepid hero is introduced as "Wei Yin". There are many sentences that look like Google translate garbage; the words are technically English, but not in the right order for a sentence, or are only part of a sentence. When mxy wwx insults Jin Ling in the forest it's translated one way, and when wwx flashes back to that moment, he says something completely different. So that's funny.

Many of the longer dialogue bits flash by so fast it's impossible to read them without pausing

Fascinatingly the episodes themselves are longer than I remember, and I think it's the extended cut which I have watched bits and pieces of on YouTube but never the whole thing, which is going to be a fun experience

Overall I'm having fun, because The Untamed is always fun to me (you know, except for the parts where you cry) But I also can't wait to see what else they've fucked up!

[shxt-txt]

All Might x F!reader (smut)

Hello, I have been thinking for a long time about writing something to post here. Today I got some time and was inspired! I want to say my special thanks to @tired-teacher-blog who encouraged me to write again ♥

I thank whoever takes the time to read it, I hope it pleases you, dear reader.

♦ Sorry, English is not my first language, so the text may have some mistakes. But I did my best!

With luv, C.

Warnings: bad words, faceriding, vaginal sex, squirting, choking, breeding kink, agnst, unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving), nipple play, praise.

~ All Might suddenly breaks up with you, leaving you heartbroken, of course. In an attempt to forget him, you seek refuge, but will it be enough? How long can you be without your number one hero? ~

You could hear the gentle rain drops hitting the window while you sobbed the most quietly you could, after all, you were far from home and that caffe was not the best place for a lady to cry. It was a matter of time 'til someone to come and ask if everything was alright. Well, deep in your mind a big storm has formed, your heartbeat seemed slow, weak… Not physically, of course emotionaly. You stared for minutes that seemed more like hours the mug of coffe and the money he left in front of you, that empty space hit you harder than all the villains you fought before, what a brutal pain.

His words kept repeating and repeating on your mind, saying a million times that you two couldn't be together anymore, simply like that. But why? Why the biggest love of your life that asked you to be his girlfriend one year before now acts like he dosen't give a shit to your feelings?

It didn't take long for the waitress to come and ask you if everything was okay, while collecting the money left on the table by Toshinori.

"I'm fine, sorry." Your voice slipped out low, almost inaudible. "Please keep the change." As you got up to leave, the waitress stared at you worriedly. You walked out of the cafe looking down trying to hide your crying expression, you had barely touched the cup of tea you ordered.

Later that evening, after a long bath in which you stared half the time at the ceiling in the bathtub, you were sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with a futon over your legs, wondering what Toshinori was doing now. But when you realized that you were thinking about him again, you furiously nibbled your own lip as you muttered through your teeth that you should forget about him. But your heart was screaming for that man, the flame that burned inside your chest was absolutely impossible to ignore. After spending that whole year being his girlfriend, how could he now act like you didn't even exist? How could All Might be so cold? Bastard. How dare he?

The days went by, and so did the weeks. Until one and a half months has past. Working at the UA as a teacher was being harder than imagined, after all, you met him almost every day there. The corridors seemed narrower everytime you saw him, as if the walls were almost pushing you into the arms of your beloved. But you would never dare do that, of course, you wouldn't humiliate yourself like that. He was the one who turned his back on you. But surely the worst of it all was that now your dearest Toshi wouldn't even look at you, he would lower his head or even look the other way when he realized your presence.

It was clear how much it was affecting you but no one spoke about that, until the day that in one of the tests of the students against the teachers, you were easily defeated. The principal Nezu wanted to know what was affecting your performance, your answer was that you were just “tired”, so he offered you a few days off to rest.

Maybe this was the best thing for you now.

The problem was that everything in your house reminded you of him, every corner had a bit of All Might in it. The days and nights you spent together, cooking, watching TV, cleaning, resting, making love, bathing… Everything.

Maybe you should move, a very small apartment would be more suitable for a single woman. The double bed you were sleeping in was already too big… Empty, to be exact.

So you decided to travel and stay for a while at your grandmother's house, since your parents lived in another country. The seven days off that the principal gave you would be enough to calm your nerves, even more by staying in a place as quiet as your grandparents' country house.

~

"Honey, won't you stop for a while to eat?" Your grandmother was a very sweet and kind person, and very protective of her beloved grandchildren. "I made your favorite!"

"I'm coming Grandma!" You replied excitedly as you organized some vegetables you had picked that afternoon.

Your grandparents were so into plant life that, even in retirement, they continued to work at planting. Besides the flowers they planted in the garden, you loved them. And for a while you were able to put Toshinori aside and enjoy that moment with your beloved grandparents.

After eating a lot you went to take a nice warm bath, wearing a simple dress to sleep. Summer is a rainy season and it didn't take long for the raindrops to start falling. This reminded you of the instant Toshi invited you to the cafe, telling you that he needed to tell you something important. Eager to know what was that, you went more than quickly, only to hear those harsh words from him.

You sighed, feeling again a painful tightness in your chest, almost as if someone were crushing your heart with their fingers.

As you lay down on the warm futon, your thoughts continued to wander through the night. How you missed those arms enveloping you completely, the deep tone of his voice against your ears, his calloused hands touching every inch of your being. The warm kisses you exchanged, the nights of pleasure when the only thing you could scream was his name.

"Toshi…" you murmured before falling asleep with watery eyes.

In the middle of the night you noticed strange noises coming from outside, they sounded like animals stirring in the dirt of the garden. You slid open the sliding door to find All Might staring at you, soaking wet from the rain.

"I... I didn't know which house I should enter, and... " He began to speak, as if it was normal for him to be there. "Nezu told me that you had taken a few days off, I went to your house and couldn't find you. A neighbor commented that you had come to visit your grandparents, so I-"

You didn't even give him time to finish speaking, you slapped him as hard as you could, as if all that pain you were feeling was concentrated in your hand, hitting the face of the man standing before you.

He stood motionless for a few moments, in silence. Perhaps processing what had just happened.

"How dare you show up here?" Your urge was to scream, but of course you couldn't, you didn't want to wake your grandparents. "You're nothing but a bastard, you dumped me like a bag of garbage and now you appear before me as if nothing happened?"

He remained silent as you spoke, only moving his face forward again.

Involuntarily your fists began to strike the wet chest of the number one hero. His white shirt showed off his muscles perfectly, but that was no focus right now. All Might remained silent until you began to cry, punching his chest with small punches non stop.

You only stopped when his huge arms wrapped you in a kind embrace, comforting you against his chest.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). I shouldn't have left you. I came to clear things up… If you want to continue as we are, that's fine. But I hope you will choose to be mine again."

"How do you expect that I can forgive you like this?" Your voice was shaky from crying.

"I was afraid. Remember two weeks earlier we were attacked and you almost died? That shook me up, seeing the woman I love succumb because of me would be the death of All Might." His arms pulled away a little, allowing him to caress your cheek gently. "Recovery Girl was impressed with the amount of injuries you were able to sustain without passing out."

"And you were afraid it would happen again? Why didn't you say anything to me? Why did you just broke up and left?"

On one hand, you understood him, but the way he did it really hurt you.

"I'm weakening (Y/N). I can't keep my muscular form for more than three hours now, soon I won't be able to be strong and protect you anymore. I fear for your life."

His blue eyes finally met yours again, the gentle touch of cold hands against your warm skin gave you goosebumps. Your heart was beating almost to the point of stopping. Toshinori really was the love of your life.

"Toshi, I can take care of myself. I may be not like you and my quirk is nothing but a support… But I can beat some villains on my own. If loving you means risking my life every single day, so be it."

After your confession, his eyes gained a sparkle and his wide smile returned to his face.

"That's why I came after you, my love. I kept saying to myself that being apart was the best for us. But deep in my heart I knew I was not going to be able to fix things if I let you go for too long."

And again he hugged you, his wet body was also getting you all soaked, but that didn't matter. The two of you just wanted to enjoy some of the touch that you had missed so much.

"As long as I live, I want to be by your side." He whispered close to your ear, giving you shivers again. "Forgive me."

You didn't need anything else, you kissed him imediately. That was your answer.

All Might took you in his lap and you promptly wrapped your legs around his waist, closing any gaps between your bodies. The need for both of you was so great that you didn't mind the rain, he took a few steps back, and now you were both being enveloped by the raindrops that kept falling. In a few seconds your hair and clothes were wet, as were his.

The kiss you exchanged was full of love, passionate, as if you both didn't had contact in years. Your fingers intertwined with your lover's blond hair, caressing them tenderly while he stroked your back.

The world could end in that instant and you wouldn't complain, being in Toshinori's arms was what mattered. Your heart was now pounding but with happiness, the taste of his mouth was too divine to live without. The warmth of that body, though wet, couldn't compare to anything else, much less his gentle touches and caresses.

It didn't take long for your body to begin responding to all that stimulation, the heat between your legs was increasing with each second. That needy kiss had to be interrupted for you both to catch some breath, so you took the opportunity to invite him in.

"If you stay quiet, my grandparents won't know…" You whispered with a smile at the corner of your lips. You felt like a teenager again.

In a few moment your clothes were lying on the floor of the bedroom, and you both stepped into the shower together, exchanging even more caresses and kisses in the process.

All Might is huge, strong, even in his "weak" form, he doesn't stop being tall and his cock doesn't change anything. No matter what form he is, your love and desire don't change. But that night apparently he was willing to give you his best form, the muscles of his abdomen rubbed against your back under the shower as his huge hands roamed over your soapy body.

He touched your shoulders carefully, sliding his manly hands along the delicate skin to your waist, bringing your body even closer to him. He brushed his lips against your right shoulder, kissing it a few times.

Your nipples were hard, your pussy was screaming for his touch, but Toshi knew exactly how to drive you crazy. He touched you in all the right places, softly kissing the back of your neck as he whispered a lot of praises in your ear.

"I love every inch of your body…" He says, in a soft voice.

Now he finally touches your breasts, playing with both nipples by making circles with his thumbs, slowly caressing that area by squeezing them gently. Your parted lips let little gasps escape, without even realizing it you tilt your head to the side, allowing Toshinori to kiss and bite some more of the exposed skin in that area.

"I will never... let you... go of my arms... again..." He paused his sentence to kiss your skin every single word that came out of his mouth.

Deep inside, you could still feel some pain as you remembered the moments you were away from him, crying, mourning… How could you live without this man by your side? Especially after knowing him as a lover. No one is perfect, but Toshinori was certainly worth being with. He's caring, kind, funny, your best friend, amazing in bed… This man really had qualities that outweighed his defects.

As you stepped out of the shower, you both dried off carefully and snuggled together on the futon.

"I love you." He said as he stared into your eyes.

You climbed over his body and answered him.

"I love you too, Toshi."

And you bent over his chest, letting your breasts boucing against his skin, kissing him again. Your tongue eagerly sought for his in a thirsty kiss as your hips moved against his already erect dick. Your bodies yearned for more… And you were on the edge, respecting your grandparents' home was important, but you couldn't go without having your lover fuck you like you deserved that night.

"You know… You really hurt me." You interrupted the kiss to speak, which made him express his sadness immediately. "I hope you're ready to make up for it…" You stood up only to sit on his face, the expression of sadness soon fading and one of surprise taking its place.

But he understood. Toshinori then veraciously attacked your pussy, slidding his tongue over your folds immediately, your taste invaded his mouth making him moan with satisfaction. Then your clit was the target of his wet lips, he licked and sucked it with desire, making you shudder above him, covering your mouth with both hands to avoid screaming with pleasure. He began running quick circles on your clit, feeling it swell even more, your arousal mixed with his saliva was making his lips and chin all wet.

Your orgasm was building but you still wanted more, then your hips began to move rhythmically, back and forth so that he could lick you as you wished. Meanwhile All Might's huge hands grabbed your ass cheeks, squeezing them as he sucked on your labia and clit with a lot of wet sounds. At this moment, his cock continued to pulsate against his own abdomen, hard as rock.

The noises of him eating you out were loud, but by now, you didn't even care anymore. Your legs were trembling and your body felt like it was on fire, as you looked down you realized that his blue eyes couldn't stop staring at you, he opened his mouth just a few milimeters of your cunt and exposed his tongue for you, so you could see your juices all over him.

"Cum for me, let me taste it." He asked.

"Oh God…" That vision, that voice… You coudn't resist.

One of his hand came closer to your pussy and pulled some of the skin, exposing even more of your clit, swollen and pulsating. Then the blond man grabbed that small organ and sucked it hard, moaning hungrily.

You more that quickly clamped your lips together as soon as you saw him do this, intense pleasure overcame you and then you came against his mouth vigorously. Toshi licked every single drop of your juices.

For a few moments he admired your pussy pulsating for him, as if calling him for another round. Of course,he could be there licking you for hours. But surely you two had other plans.

He waited for you to move again, helping you to lie down. He came on top of you, kissing your lips, cheeks, neck, slowly moving down to your breasts, on which he sucked the hard nipples eagerly. Both of the hero's hands squeezed them without ceasing while intercalating the nipples. His tongue wandered over each part of your breasts, licking and sucking your skin carefully, leaving a few marks.

"Toshi... I want you..." You whispered.

Your legs were wrapped around his waist again, the tip of his cock was rubbing against your clit, teasing you. Your pussy was begging for it. You could feel the pre-cum escaping from his pink glande.

Of course your lover didn't want to make you wait too long, but you needed some time to get ready for it, after all, he was huge.

Slowly he began to penetrate you, stretching the inner walls of your pussy as only he could. The moans had to be contained, so you just held them in your throat, even if you wanted to scream. Gradually he invaded your interior in a mixture of pain and pleasure, you were so wet that you practically sucked him into your tight interior.

Toshi groaned low, trying to contain himself as well, you're squeezing him so tightly that you could feel every vein.

Your hands roamed up and down your partner's arms and back, dragging your nails across his body without caring if left marks or not. Your bodies collided every now and then as he forcefully shoved everything into you, and on one of these occasions you bit hard on his shoulder, which was no bother at all for him.

His two hands were on the floor for support, one on each side of your head, and you caught his gaze and fixed your attention there. You stared at each other for long seconds, motionless, until your tongues were again entwined in another kiss, and then he began to thrust against your pussy. His cock slammed against your uterus every time, even though he didn't put everything inside you. This brought you to a state of absurd ecstasy. Your clit was hard and swollen again, pulsating with lust.

His cock slid in and out of you with ease, your juices were running down your ass as his heavy balls were slapping there too. At one point, All Might pulled his cock out and rolled you onto your stomach, putting one arm around your neck and with the other hand covering your mouth so you wouldn't scream. He knew exactly what to do.

The sloppy noises were inevitable, after all, he was lying on top of you, ruthlessly shoving that huge cock into you, humping you as he loved to do. You were totally helpless against him, that was enough to rip your sanity away.

He buried his full length inside your pussy again, your scream was muffled by his palm that forced itself even harder against your lips. Your eyes rolled back in their orbits, your saliva leaked out of the corner of your mouth just as your pussy kept spurting out your sweet nectar, further wetting the futon where you were lying on.

You wanted to scream, to beg for more, to ask to be destroyed by him until your legs were completely weak. Every inch of your body wanted more, it was clear the power All Might had over you. Only he could fuck you like that.

"I bet you missed that, uh?" He whispered against your ear, very softly.

The only thing you could do was shake your head a yes.

He wanted to slap your ass, but he couldn't make any more noise than he was already making, so he just let go of your neck and grabbed your buttocks tightly, spreading your ass to expose your butthole. It was winking, he wanted it there too, but it was not the time or the place for that.

Without warning All Might pulled of from your pussy at once and leaned over your body, licking your ass and pussy again. You had to dunk your head into the pillow to prevent from moaning out loud, that man was killing you. Slowly you raised your hips until you were in all fours, giving him a very good view of you.

"What do you want me to do now, my princess?" He knelt behind you, holding your ass with both hands, waiting for your answer to continue.

"Fill me up."

Surprised, he widened his eyes but did not move.

"Cum inside me, please. Give me every single drop..."

He smirked and agreed, his cock was pulsating evidencing that he had been holding it in for some time now. He then penetrated you again, this time with less gentleness, burying everything until his balls hit your clit over and over until he increased the speed.

His hands gripped the flesh of your waist, pulling on your body at each thrust, reaching your cervix every time, he was close and you could feel it. Then you started to wiggle erotically against his dick, then he stopped moving and just stared, enjoying the view.

"Fuck… I'm gonna cum so fucking hard…" The instant he said it, he grabbed your ass again and buried himself into your pussy, releasing strong, hot jets of semen against your cervix. You could feel him filling every inch of your pussy with his seed. It seemed like it wouldn't stop, until he pulled out, the thick cum started flowing down of your cunt onto the floor.

Promptly he got up to get something to clean you off.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to cum inside like that?" You two were already laid down again, he asks with a little bit of concern.

"Well… I've always wanted you to do that." Your fingers touched his face very gently, caressing his skin.

"Always? Why didn't you ever tell me? You are the only woman I would ever want to have a child with." He had a little bit of blushing on his cheeks saying that.

You shared a laugh and exchanged one last kiss before falling asleep together. No matter if new villains would appear, you were willing to fight for your love until the end.

[k3rm1e]

cuddling headcanons! ★~(◡﹏◕✿)

this is more of a test thing to see if i like writing this way and if this blog does well

other imagines and headcanons won't include everyone i write unless it is specifically requested and is a prompt i really like

includes: wilbur nihachu karljacobs quackity dream georgenotfound sapnap p!tommyinnnit p!badboyhalo p!skeppy p!eret p!philza p!tubbo p!ranboo

cw: cursing

wilbur:

wilbur is a very cuddle-y guy

to me he seems very soft

i always see people saying he would like spooning, but i disagree

i feel like he would do more of a half-spooning thing with his head on your chest or the other way around

mans would DEFINITELY make you run your fingers through his hair

i feel like he would lay on your chest and just *nuzzle* into the space between your shoulder and neck

anytime you tried to leave him, whether it was because he had to do something or you had to, he would whine. so. fucking. much.

It would probably always go something like:

you - i need to piss

wilbur - no <3

but the moment he decides its time to stop cuddling its fine

and if you complain that you’re gonna miss him he’ll just call you clingy and tease you

like??? sir???

all in good fun though, no bad intentions :)

nihachu:

i feel like you and niki would face each other

with your head like under her chin and in her chest (this is a bad description but look at the “honeymoon hug” on the list for better explanation ;-;)

she would always want to protect you

so she does that by like almost guarding you and keeping you close

niki would definitely do the arm thing where she just lightly moves her hand up and down you arm

i’m so sorry if you don't understand that, it just feels like something she would do

if you haven't experienced that it kinda sorta feels like spiders??? but in a good way???

but generally she is very protective

she just holds you so close the whole time

even if she doesn’t want to let you go, she’s more understanding about it

she would be upset but wouldn’t show it because she doesn’t want to make you feel guilty

niki is generally just an amazing cuddle-r (is that a word?) and has a super comforting presence

karljacobs:

karl would definitely keep your head on his chest

the whole time he would just absolutely squeeze the life out of you

he would constantly bend his neck down to kiss your head

and instead of just like leaving his head down so he could kiss you it would just be:

*inner monologue karl* hmmm i wanna kiss them on their head

and he would lean down to do so which, cute

but then five seconds later he would do it again

and again another five seconds later

and again

very cute karl but please sir, your neck is gonna be so messed up after this

when you had to leave he would be upset, but like niki, would try not to show it

except karl is very bad at that and his pouting would be so obvious

so you would feel guilty and layback down with him

immediately he just becomes (●´ω｀●)

like a happy little puppy

karl is just too adorable for you to deny

quackity:

now we all know this, quackity is a huge dork

which is why i believe he would DEFINITELY use your butt as a pillow

not even in a weird way

i just feel like quackity isn’t too comfortable with touch so this is sorta his way of being close to you without it being a whole serious thing

like he still is able to be goofy and comfortable without it being a whole big thing

him doing this would almost always come with a flatty patty joke from you

which always causes him to threaten divorce, even though you aren’t married

while it isn’t a very good position for things like physical touch, it is good for talking and having conversations

for some reason i feel like he’s the type of person to text someone when they’re right next to each other

so while he’s laying down he’ll just send you random photos of himself

very annoying when your phone is spammed, but also good blackmail material >:)

i don’t think he’d be too clingy

obviously, he enjoys spending time with you

but if you told him you need to go do work or something he wouldn’t throw a fit or pout

big q just seems like he’d be more rational about stuff like that

overall a 420/69 cuddle partner

dream:

one word: spooning

mans just envelops you and has no shame

very big: “no you are mine! >:(“ energy

while he’s sleeping he’ll unconsciously nuzzle his head into your hair/the back of your neck

when you guys got to bed patches usually climbs in and you hold her

i love patches so much i could write headcanons just about her

dream always wants to be cuddling you

if you try to leave he won’t pout, there simply isn't a discussion on whether you’re moving or not

incase you haven’t caught on yet, the answer is no

you need to do work? just bring the laptop to bed

he needs to edit? just sit in his lap at his desk, duh

obviously, he knows at some point you guys need to stop cuddling

he just isn’t too stoked about it

when it comes time where he absolutely can’t cuddle with you, i feel like he’d be more chill

mainly just annoyed

georgenotfound:

i feel like george, like quackity, also wouldn’t be too touchy

i’m pretty sure he has a hard time expressing emotions (please correct me if i’m wrong!!) and i think that would crossover to his sleeping habits

i think he would prefer a sort of back-to-back cuddling position

it seems cold, i know

but also he would most definitely kick at you

so every night while trying to go to sleep suddenly you would just feel *kick*

and then instead of sleep you’re suddenly playing footsie

lots of laughter and warm feelings involved

george would probably pretend that you kicked his leg hard or something and act like you hurt him

the first few times you were actually worried

but then after a few months your only response was a sarcastic “cry about it”

which just led to more laughter

sapnap:

sapnap and you would do a sort of leg hug thing

you both you try to go to sleep in a cute spooning-type position

but the moment one of you fell asleep it all unraveled

you would wake up apart but you’re legs would still be touching

sapnap would joking blame it on you

“wow can’t believe you don't wanna be close with me even when we’re asleep”

“it’s not my fault! i can’t control where i end up when i sleep!”

“no, no. you don’t have to lie. i see how it is.”

“>:(“

but it's okay!

your legs are the first thing to react in a flight-or-fight situation, so they usually react in an honest way

which is like your legs are both reaching to hold each other!

p!tommyinnit:

i don’t get a very touchy vibe from tommy

i feel like the most he would do is put his arm over your shoulder

not in a flirty way, just in a “hey, there isn’t a lot of space, this will make sitting down more comfortable” way

he will let you sorta fidget with his hand/arm

i don't know if that makes sense but what i mean is that he’ll pretty much let his arm go *flop* so you can control it (by like moving it around or playing with his fingers)

in the beginning he would get annoyed

but eventually he would get used to it and wouldn’t really care

it sounds a bit strange but i personally find it very comforting to just have something to fidget with while watching youtube or netflix in bed with my friends

and it’s entertaining (sometimes i do this to me sister to annoy her :>)

he would act like he didn’t mind if you left him

but holy shit he is so clingy

If you try to leave it’ll just be “no, why??? stay here dumbass”

you would be slightly annoyed when he had to leave  but knew he had to film and stream and all that so you would be okay

p!badboyhalo:

you would kinda sit within bad’s lap

like not on his lap, but more of in between his legs

he would have his arms around you

and his phone would be in front of you so you two could scroll through twt or instagram together

or you guys could watch skeppy’s youtube ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

rat would sit in your lap

she’s just;;;;;;;; so adorable

rat is just so soft and fuzzy in your lap and everytime you move to pet her she just melts

rat is the the superior cuddle buddy to any of these block people

p!skeppy:

skeppy, similar to quackity, is a total dork

he would make sure you guys were in a position where he could effectively troll you

so if your head was near his lap he would just flick you or some

“dude can you please stop hitting me in the head”

“it turns out i am not actually hitting you in your head because based on the perpendicularity of the bisector multiplied by the photosynthesis of the dividend, it is impossible for me to do so”

“wtf”

lya is so goddamn sick of you guys

she's trying to get him to actually do something but instead he’s just sitting there throwing paper airplanes at you while you sleep

he’s an annoying asshole but it's okay because he gives you money for absurd reasons

p!eret:

eret has such a comfortable presence

i feel like she wouldn’t be up for cuddling too much

more of like putting your head on a friends shoulder so you can see the tweet their showing you

but they do like to hold hands

holding hands isn’t very intimate but it's also just such a sweet comforting thing

she even holds your hand when you guys are out walking around

like if you guys were getting food somewhere (post-covid of course)

you most likely would get addressed as a couple

and he would just be like”...wut?”

it’s happened so many times at this point you just go along with it

“you guys look like such a cute couple!”

“oh we aren't-” “thank you!”

can you tell that i love eret?

p!philza:

phil always has such dad vibes

i feel like the closest he would get to cuddling is hugs and hand holding

even though cuddling isn’t inherently romantic, he is married to kristen

so i fell he would get most of his touch in with her

but with you he’s just so fatherly

hello dadza

whether you have a good or bad relationship with your father, everyone can admit that philza minecraft is dadza

this is such a dad thing, but tries to hold you hand when you cross the street

no matter the age, he just feels the need to protect you

hugs are similar

uses hugs as a way to comfort you and protect you

just so amazing all around

p!tubbo:

tubbo would love cuddling in any way, shape, or form

if you guys are hanging out at like the park or something and lying down

get ready to become this mans pillow

this is really fun to do with your friends but imagine you guys are hanging out in a field type area (with my friends we hand out in the field next to the cemetery but it can be any open grass area)

tubbo would just use your lap as a pillow the whole time

and when you guys were walking back to his house he would sorta drape his arms over your shoulders (assuming he’s taller than you)

he would do the same thing when you guys were sitting in chairs or at a desk

just drapes his arms over your shoulder with his chin on your head

if it's really late and he's tired he’ll just hug you

p!ranboo:

if you thought tubbo is bad, ranboo is even worse

not even really cuddling, he just likes having a sort of skin-to-skin contact

so handholding and laying on top of eachother

if he’s streaming he will legitimately message ou to just sit next to him

so sometimes if he’s just chilling by himself on the smp you’ll end up on his streams

he’ll have you next to him just because he likes be near someone

and so randomly it’ll just be like “chat, a real human is here, behave”

chat does not behave

(they heavily bully him)

he’s pretty clingy but when you HAVE to leave he’ll understand and just be a bit bummed out

holy shit this took me so long-

if you read this whole thing thank you!

[bluesfortheredj]

The missing scrunchie.

A/N: Mentions of blood/death from the outset.

It’s impossible to not fall in love with Eddie Munson, even when he steals your scrunchie.

Blood.

So much blood.

His body was laying in the road, shirt torn open, wounds oozing.

He chokes, splutters, and his breathing falters as he inhales liquid.

You drop to your knees and try to crawl towards him but you can’t move, your legs and arms feeling as though they’re stuck in concrete blocks as you attempt to slide them along the dirt.

He turns his face towards you, those big, brown eyes of his losing their sparkle second by second.

“(Y/N),” he coughs, “please help me.”

Thick red liquid drips from his lips onto the ground, and you begin to cry, your body heaving with sobs as you desperately try to move forwards to be with him.

“Eddie!” you scream, tears falling down your face as if a tap had been turned on.

You just couldn’t move, no matter how hard you tried, and all you can do is watch as the light finally goes out in his eyes, his body now completely limp. A guttural cry emanates from your throat and you wake with a start; your eyes flying open as your body sits up almost automatically as you begin to pant.

“Oh god,” you whisper to yourself, “oh god.”

You look over to the man laying next to you still blissfully unaware in a deep sleep, and you silently get out of bed to tiptoe down the corridor and sit down on the armchair. From your seated position you can see straight down into Eddie’s bedroom and he stirs a little, turning over and reaching out for you, but realising there’s nothing there. In a moment of panic you get up, slip on your boots and his leather jacket, then escape outside with no real plan of what you were going to do next.

“Shit,” you mutter to yourself as you turn to see his bedroom light turn on.

You didn’t want to tell him what had happened, you were still on the verge of tears as it was, and one look at his sleepy face would be sure to set you off again. This was meant to be casual, you weren’t meant to fall in love with the man, you were only meant to be physical, and it was as if your mind was taunting you with how you now felt about him by having this nightmare. The two of you had agreed from the beginning that it would be a no strings arrangement, a bit of company until a better proposition came along, filling his time until he finally graduated and allowing you some stress relief after work. You thought it would be easy, but it turns out that falling in love with Eddie Munson was the easiest thing to do in the world.

“(Y/N)?” he questions as you watch his silhouette walk through the kitchen to the front door.

You stare at his shadow through the small window, then as soon as you hear the squeak of the handle you bolt down the road as fast as your legs will take you. A short diversion through the middle of the trailer park takes you out of sight from Eddie’s and you carry on running until you get to Robin’s house.

“I’m fucked,” you pant when she finally answers the door, “absolutely fucked.”

“And 3am is the right time to tell me this?”

“I’m sorry, I… hold on,” you say, leaning on the door frame and catching your breath.

She helps you inside and pushes you down onto the sofa while she gets you a glass of water, then once your breathing returns to normal she sits there waiting for you to explain yourself.

“I’ve done the one thing I said I wouldn’t,” you begin quietly, “I’ve fallen for Eddie.”

“Oh… shit,” she gasps, “I mean, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, but I thought you might have lasted a little longer than this.”

“Thanks!” you chuckle, “real supportive. What am I going to do? My stupid brain won’t even let me sleep next to him now without having some fucked up nightmare about him dying,” you explain as a sob emerges from your throat and tears begin to fall, “oh god, it was awful Robin.”

She awkwardly places her arms around your shoulders to comfort you, but your body shakes with sobs as you remember the look on his face in your dream; those beautiful eyes fading to nothing right in front of you.

“You do realise that you will need to give him back his jacket, right?” she points out as your crying quietens down.

“A very inconvenient detail that I did not think about when I legged it just now,” you sniff.

She laughs, “you did a runner on him?”

“Yes! I feel terrible, but if I’d seen his face I just would have broken down all over again.”

“Wow, that’s going to be one awkward reunion…”

“Thanks Robin, you’re a real voice of positivity.”

“You know I’m no good at this! Just tell him, what’s the worst that could happen?”

You look at her with a raised eyebrow, “says you…”

“Oh no, this is not about me, this is very much about you. Don’t try and turn this around just because you’re scared of admitting your feelings to someone who very obviously feels the same about you.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Listen, I may not know much about all this lovey dovey stuff, but the way he looks at you is like he’s just seen a new Metallica album.”

You laugh out loud at her comment, “I’m serious!” she insists, “ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same.”

“I might just do that,” you nod, “I’m sorry for waking you… I’d better get this jacket back to him.”

She narrows her eyes at you, “you’re going to dump it on his doorstep aren’t you?”

“Yep!”

Robin pushes her fist against your arm and shakes her head, “you can’t avoid him forever.”

“I can bide some time though,” you shrug, getting up from the sofa and downing the rest of the water, “thanks for the pep talk. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

“I might be late thanks to this late night intrusion,” she winks.

“That’s fine, I’ll open up, I owe you!”

You say your goodbyes then make your way slowly back to the trailer park to see the lights off in Eddie’s place, then slide the jacket down your arms and fold it neatly on the step for him to find in the morning. It’s not too long to your place, and when you get there you use the spare key under the mat to get in and head straight upstairs. The first thing you notice as you sit on the edge of your bed is one of Eddie’s skull printed bandanas on the floor and as you reach down to pick it up the events of how it got there replay in your mind.

“Just admit it (Y/N), you can’t resist this look,” Eddie grins, tying his hair back with the scarf.

You laugh as he flicks his newly formed ponytail from side to side with his hands on his hips, “take it off!” you chuckle.

“Take it off? Gladly,” he smirks, licking his lips as he steps towards you and lifts your top up and over your head.

“I meant the bandana,” you whisper, your bodies now pressed against one another.

He smiles as his arms wrap around your waist, then you reach up and gently tug the fabric from his hair as his lips land on yours, and it drops from your fingers as he pushes you back towards the bed.

You lay back against your pillows with a deep sigh, your fingers still clutched around that silly bandana, and eventually you drift off to sleep. The alarm wakes you mere hours later, and you groan as you get up bleary eyed and begin your day. Eddie had school so you shouldn’t have to face him until at least after work, but you still walk to Family Video on high alert just in case. Steve appears just as you’re opening up and he’s quick to notice just how shattered you look.

“Woah, late night with Munson was it?” he asks.

You give him a stern look, “no.”

“I’m kidding, it was Robin wasn’t it?”

You walk inside silently with him following, then you turn to face him with a sigh, “she rang you then?”

“It’s only because we care,” he explains, switching on the lights, “we want you to be happy, that’s all! Come on… oh! Is that Eddie?!”

You snap your head around to look outside with a gasp to see no one there, and you hear Steve laugh before you turn back to face him, “I’m sorry,” he chuckles, “I couldn’t resist.”

“You’re an ass, Harrington.”

“I’m a caring ass. Now, being the love guru I am I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that Eddie Munson fancies the pants off you.”

“Oh really?” you ask sarcastically, “and how did you figure that one out?”

You fiddle with the returns box, purposely facing away from Steve so he can’t see your embarrassed face and you hear him sigh before he answers, “haven’t you seen the way he blushes when you touch? Or the way he plays with his hair when he talks to you? Or how about when I try talking to him and he’s so wrapped up in staring at you that he doesn’t even hear me?”

“Hmm,” you hum, stacking the videos up in your arms to put them back in their rightful places.

“Tell me about this dream you had,” he says softly, splitting your pile of tapes in two and taking the top half.

You well up just thinking about it, “it was horrible Steve,” you say, shaking your head as you walk off into an aisle, “he was suffering painfully, dying right in front of me and I couldn’t do a thing.”

“And that shook you up because you’ve fallen for him?”

“Uh huh.”

“Right, and why does that scare you so much?”

“Well… we agreed that it was only to be casual.”

“And…?” he presses, knowing there was more to it than that.

“And I… don’t wanna get hurt. So if I keep it to myself then there’s no chance of rejection.”

“Oh come on, you heard what I just said! He’s head over heels for you!” Steve scoffs.

“But what if you’re wrong?”

“But what if I’m not?” he turns away from you after his rebuttal and stops in his tracks as he looks at the door, “erm… Eddie’s here.”

“Yeah, you can’t fool me with that one again Harrington.”

“No, seriously, Eddie’s here.”

You rush to the end of your aisle to see him walking towards the door and drop all of the VHS tapes from your arms before bolting for the back door.

“(Y/N)!” Steve calls out, but you’ve already disappeared, “hey! Eddie!”

Steve walks over to the counter to put his pile down then looks over to the mess you made with a tut.

“What happened there?” Eddie asks.

“Uhh, piled them up too high, didn’t I? Anyway, what brings you here at this time?”

“Well, I was looking for (Y/N) actually. We… uh… she sorta disappeared on me during the night and… well, I just need to see her really,” he explains nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

“She’s out back man,” Steve admits, “go ahead.”

Eddie gives him a nod and heads on through to the staff only door then walks through to the dark back room where he finds you sitting at the small table you used on breaks with your head in your hands.

“(Y/N),” he sighs in relief, striding over to you and kneeling beside your chair so he can place a comforting hand on your back, “are you okay? What happened last night?”

You lift your face but look straight ahead instead of at Eddie, “I’m sorry, I just… didn’t feel well, and I didn’t want you to deal with sick or anything.”

“Oh sweetheart, I can handle some vomit!” he smiles, “hey… let me see that pretty face of yours.”

You reluctantly turn your head to face him, then your gaze falls to his deep brown eyes and you can’t help but feel a rush of sadness as that nightmare replays in your mind, making you gasp and cover your face.

“What is it?” he worries, thinking he’s done something wrong,” (Y/N), please, talk to me baby.”

He slides the other chair towards him and gets up to sit on it, then he wraps his arms around your body and pulls you to lean on him as he strokes your hair and plants soft kisses on top of your head between soothing words, “it’s okay,” he whispers, “take your time.”

“Shouldn’t you be at school?” you manage to mumble through tears.

“You’re more important right now,” he states, “I couldn’t concentrate knowing there was something wrong.”

“Eddie, this is going to sound really fucking stupid…” you warn him.

“It’s not stupid if it’s upsetting you this much.”

You take a deep inhale, the smell of his leather jacket and the smoke on his clothes filling your nostrils in the most comforting way, “I dreamt that you died… it was so violent and bloody, and I couldn’t get to you… then you turned to me and asked me to help, but I couldn’t move… and the blood… there was so much blood Eddie,” you sob, “… and the scariest part was waking up to realise that I haven’t kept my end of the deal,” you pull away from him so you can look him in the eye, “this casual sex thing just can’t work any more, because… I’ve fallen in love with you.”

You pause while Eddie stares at you in a mild shock, and you suddenly realise that this admission may have horrified him in the worst way possible.

“Forget I-”

“I love you too,” he blurts out, interrupting you.

“You what?”

“I love you too (Y/N),” he grins, “oh my god am I glad you said that,” he sighs, clutching his chest in relief as you smile weakly, “hey, don’t worry about that stupid dream though.”

He clasps your hands in his, but he can see that the dream meant more than just the distress it caused you, it ran deeper than that.

“Talk to me,” he says quietly, bringing one hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear gently.

“I’m not very good at… opening up, or letting people in.”

Eddie suddenly stands, pushing the chair over with his legs as he does so, then gets down on one knee in front of you and takes one of your hands to place over his heart, “I, Eddie Munson, promise to never, ever, break your heart. I swear on… my plectrum…” he uses his free hand to dip underneath the collar of his t-shirt and bring out the plectrum that always hung around his neck on a silver chain, “that I will always be here for you no matter what. In fact… wait there!”

He jumps up and roots around in the drawers of the desk that sat next to the dishevelled lockers and finds some scissors then he goes over to the box of old videos that were pretty much obsolete now and opens up the first one he finds before lifting the flap on the VHS and pulling out the reel of tape until it was an appropriate length and snipping it off. He waves his fingers in front of him and picks out a ring then threads it onto the reel and ties it off in a neat bow.

“This…” he starts, draping the makeshift necklace over your head and delicately arranging it on your neck, “…this means that you’ve got a piece of me with you at all times.”

You smile up at him and he cups your cheeks before leaning down and capturing your lips with his in a loving kiss.

“But wait, you need something of mine,” you point out, leaning away a little.

“Ah… well…” he picks the chair up and sits down in front of you then rolls his jacket sleeve up to reveal one of your scrunchies on his wrist, “kinda sorted that myself a few weeks back… sorry.”

You laugh, “I wondered where that went!”

“Suits me, doesn’t it?” he asks, twisting his hand left and right to show it off.

“It certainly does,” you grin proudly.