#two of the thiccest bitches

[nastylillad]

Please....I need Barnaby or Eddie [would love it if it was both] in the rabbit costumes....

lets hear it for the big girls

they wouldnt normally be bunnies but if someone calls out and the manager tells u to get dressed...u better get fuckin DRESSED

[sfblah]

blah I CHALLENGE you. To rank the noses of some of your OCs...whatever ranking system you choose, whether it's Shapeliest or Narrowest/Longest etc--- I must know your various rankings

Okay I love this lmao. Been trying to think up some good nose superlatives, and I think I have enough for a decent little uh. Whatever this is gonna be lol. I'll do a top 3 for each but even with a limit this is probably still gonna be long af

Longest

What it sounds like lol. Generally meaning longest from bridge to base, but also tip to face. Heh that rhymes.

Mina. I mean, who else could it be? lol. I haven't written too too much with her, but she's probably gonna be my long nose queen OC forever at this point. She's a witch with a pointy nose that sticks out really far, and that's just kinda it. Nothing really inherently magical about it, that's just how she is. She also has really long nostrils to go along with it, though they "only" go about a third of the way down and the rest is all squish.

Komithe. She has a "normal" long nose, but as a half-elf I imagine her having "long" features in general. I've also given a lot of attention to her having long, thin nostrils too. I debated having that be an elven feature in her setting, but ultimately I feel like it doesn't really matter and it's just one of her defining traits. Though in her case her nostrils would probably be considered abnormally narrow by human standards. Which is still hot imo.

Cyd. Robot girl OC who I haven't written about in An Age. Similar to Komithe I just figure she has deliberately elegant features, including a long nose. Hot office lady robot who can sneeze to clean herself out, but her sneeze is programmed to be "polite" more than anything, so she's rather dusty.

Honorable Mention: Tracy. Old old Adventure Club OC, and I think she might have been the first character I ever described as having long, thin nostrils lol. Definitely the first where it became a defining trait. There must always be one.

Widest

Again basically what it sounds like on the tin. Farthest from left to right lol.

Lena. Naturally her schnoz gets even bigger and wider in wereboar form, but even in her human form she's just got a big ol nose. She has a handful of traits that could be interpreted as her wereboar nature influencing her even as a human, i.e. chubby, wide nose, snorty laugh, but I imagine not every wereboar is like that and in some ways that's just her being her lol.

Kyase. Maybe this is cheating since her nose is only really wide sometimes lol. Basically she's an alien who in classic pulp sci-fi fashion is very similar to a human but with two or three little differences. One of which is that at rest her nostrils are effectively closed up compared to a human's, and when they flare they can get extra wide. And her nose isn't even especially narrow when un-flared, it's like average human nose width that can flare out a lot more.

Lane. Shame I never really did more with this character lol. She's a decade old by now jeebus. Probably the widest nose with nothing unusual influencing it, although she's basically an occult detective. Basically she's if resting bitch face was a person except with a wide, upturned nose that she hates and is self-conscious about.

Thiccest

Not necessarily the longest or the widest overall, but like the most filled out, the most shapely. I wish I could think of a more sexy word to describe this than "fleshy," but that really does encapsulate it the best.

Penny. She actually didn't start off this way in my imagination, but after a couple chapters of the isekai series I decided she should have a nice, pudgy nose. I guess pudgy is also a good word. She also has fairly small nostrils, giving her nose an even thiccer appearance.

Skasa. I really, really want to get back to her story sometime soon lol. I described her nose as "stocky" early on, and I think that's just a good look for her. I picture her nose having that sort of "blocky" quality to it, if that makes any sense. Like particularly it has a defined, squared tip and is more corners and flat surfaces than curves.

Bucket. Yeah time to promote the new girl. She just has a big ol chonker. Not the longest or widest nose, but still undeniably big. The kind that just looks squishy. She also probably bumps things with it a lot, even if it's not abnormally huge or anything.

Honorable Mention: Sophie. Kinda the jack of all trades, master of none nose lol. She doesn't hit any extreme, but her nose is long-ish, wide-ish, and filled-out-ish all at the same time.

Debated having a "most nose hair" category but that would just be Sophie in first with every other OC I've ever written tied for second lol.

Okay this was really fun. Can we make ranking OCs in various things a trend? That would be neat. Thanks for the ask!

[doctor-plagueis]

RWBY Booty Tier List

Hi I said it would happen so now it's gonna happen, time to rate asses and explain why I gave them that rating...

(also they are in order from flattest to phattest)

[This took way too long (T-T) ]

Starting with D TIER Aka Flat as fuck

Raven: Ya go to the lowest tier in D tier ya all-tits-no-ass having ass, you deadbeat fucko (I really don't like parents who leave their children, how'd you guess?).

Weiss : Sorry girl but even with all your dance training, your Sperm donor's DNA is in you, if it was just your mom's DNA you'd rocket up to A TIER, still more ass than Raven tho, which says a lot about Raven since Weiss is as flat as a wooden plank (sorry @naughtyweiss your girl has no ass).

All of team NDGO: these bitches show up once or twice, and, in the novels they do something bad? I didn't read it, but they like sacrifice some people to the Grimm or something? Anyways they have almost no ass too little to actually matter.

C TIER Aka Too much muscle

Pyrrha : Sorry unbeatable girl your life style is just too healthy, with all her exercises and no fat foods she has no cushioning, I'm sorry Pyrrha you just have too much muscle.

Reese : With all her skating she must have some muscle in the back, like literally, her muscles are trained to keep her on the board during combat so her ass is super firm, but that's a bit of a downside since it's too firm, kinda hard actually like really hard.

Also she gives me party animal girl vibes, that doesn't affect anything just thought I'd mention it.

Elm: Have you seen how tall and beefy that girl is? Now does this affect her backside...mmm...kind of? Her ass is just and, I mean just muscle which is bad because no cushioning.

But her thighs tho mm~mm delicious.

Yang : Yang is all about her upper body, she's proud of her tits and her arms, she is Miss "punch first ask later" after all, so i can actually see her skipping some leg days, like Reese her booty is alot of muscle but not so much cushion, sorry Yang.

Arslan : Like Yang, Arslan is all about working out and honing her body to peak physical fighting ability, however, this girl has genetics on her side, her tits aren't as big as Yang’s however, she make up for having a tentsy little bit of cushion for the pushin' not really enough to be B TIER though.

B TIER Aka Now were gettin' good

Penny Ver.2 : Penny Version 1 was pure metal (at least in my headcanon) so she was all legs no butt, however, Penny Version 2 (again in my headcanon) had synthetic skin, now I'm not saying Pietro is some weird pervert giving his child a fat ass, but he was "generous" which was inaccurate as...

Penny (human) : Penny as a human never had the chance to exercise [fuck you RT (T-T)], so her booty was a little lacking but it was still bigger and rounder than her robot body.

Ruby: Now you and I both know that with all the sweets Ruby eats she isn't exactly thin, good thing though is all the fat goes to her ass, Ruby has that fatty y'all!

Neo : I'm sure people will question this one but, Neo's height is a detrement on her ass, since she's so short her ass has to be proportional to her actual height, so for women her height she has so much ass but compared to the others in this list it isn't as much.

Coco: Coco takes care of her fashion and her body. She does squats often and keeps a balance between fat and firmness. Unfortunately genetics gave her a cute face but not a phat ass, sorry queen.

Summer: Same as Ruby except she has that MILFY boost to her hips and booty (she also has bigger tits but, oh well this isn't the Titty Tier list so...).

Winter : Training for the military helped null the taint of Jacques DNA in her, so she took a bit more of her mother’s blessed genes, her ass isn't exactly impressive like the girls in A TIER but it's nothing to scoff at either, unlike her sister (sorry Weissey).

Miltiades "Miltia" : both sisters wear heels, however, Miltia has bigger boobs than her twin while Mel has a bigger booty, still wearing heels and being as acrobatic as they both are requires a lot of lower body training, and also since they work at a club as security they do know how to seduce people, and that did affected their rating.

A TIER Aka Nearly perfectly fuckable

Harriet : Now to be one hundred percent honest Harriet has more thighs than ass, however, with her focus on speed and the training she does, she must have a nice fuckable ass, not the biggest or roundest but really, really nice.

Melanie: Both sisters are guards for Junior's club, but, I like to think that Mel also works as a Stripper or Lap dancer (Hooker if you got enough to buy her services and have a dick big enough, she's a bit of a size queen), so she worked on making her already fat ass even better and also took the time to hone her sex appeal, those being her twerking and lapdancing.

Velvet : Bunny gal has some phat Bunny Buns if ya catch my meaning, like go back to volume 3 and get a good look at her costume, girl's got hips and ass like she was bred for it!

Willow: Have you seen her in the newest volumes?? She has a chance (admittedly small) against the legendary bellabooties Gahtdayum!

Too bad she wasted it with a nearly sterile fucking shit pile of a human like Jacques, ugh... (How he managed to have 3 children baffles me, must've taken half the world’s supply of Viagra)

[Side note our favorite Schnee femboy took after his mom, if he was on the list he'd be just below Harriet hehe].

A+ TIER Candidates for the Bubble Booty Brigade (BBB)

Glynda : Glynda is a professional huntress, she is a teacher and she's decked out in dominatrix gear, can I make it any clearer?

Salem : Salem is the original MILF, the thiccest witch of remnant , and also, she has magic and is technically a monster girl sooo... that gives her extra points (who would've guessed I like monster girls hehe).

The next entry might be blasphemous for some and for that I apologize but...

Blake and Kali : I'm sorry kitties, even though the belabooties are know world wide they are not yet in the BBB. Blake has the firmer booty because of her time in the Fang but Kali has the MILF bonus.

Because of their similarities and their diferences they tie for top of A+ tier.

S TIER The BUBBLE BOOTY BRIGADE

The three heavenly asses of remnant, only three girl stand a top the mountain of the perfect Bubble Booty and they are in order...

May Zedong : May has been depicted by the fandom as being really curvy, especially the cow udders she calls breasts, however she hides her curves under her clothes. The same applies to the fucking badonk she hides in her baggy pants, so much so in fact, that May should be number two of the BBB but because she's so shy about her body she's demoted to number three, still, being a member of the Brigade is a blesing of itself.

Emerald Sustrai : As stated in the previous entry Em should be number three, but because May is so shy and Emerald isn't they swaped places. Em is number two because of one singular thing, she knows her ass is her best atribute, and she fucking flaunts it, she knows she can make men and futas pitch tents, and make women stare like horndogs just by walking past them. Not only that, but she wear clothes that accentuate her ass from short shorts to miniskirts, she knows how to make anyone undeserving cream themselves just by swaying her hips a little and winking. Her seduction skills boosted her above everyone else except one.

NORA VALKYRIE THE ONE TRUE BUBBLE BOOTY OF REMNANT

Every single step a jiggle, every single jump or tiny hop and the world stops to stare, every time she passes by jaws hit the floor, every man woman and futa either wants Nora or wants to be Nora.

Nora's voluptuous cheeks are legendary and the worst part of it all is: She does know the effect she has on people, and she gives zero shits about it.

Because no one is worthy of her divine ass cheeks, except for two men: Jaune Arc and Lie Ren.

She's found her studs the ones who care for her, love her, give her the world AND the ones who have huge bitch breaking cocks to fuck her into the sheets like rutting animals.Every.Single.Night.

Every day of her life is one big teasing session for her studs, she purposefully wear skirts just short enough to see the glorious bounce, she always finds excuses to bend over, she sits on their laps as often as possible.

Just so she can have the mind blowing three ways she has every night.

All hail Booty Queen Nora Valkyrie.

Now everyone thank you for being patient this was something i spent a few days writing (like 3-4 days) and I only wrote this for that time so I hope y'all like it.

Some chacters are missing I know, but I really am comfortable with how it is now.

As always this SHOULD NOT AFFECT YOUR WRITING.

This was a thought experiment of mine, and like I always say in this sort of thing WRITE HOW YOU WANT TO WRITE I hope this was clear.

Thanks for reading and please if you so desire share it with friends.

But for now see ya!

[jstlikemagic]

nsfw alphabet: jeff wittek

hiya everyone! so someone had asked if i could go in-depth on my bdsm breakdown of jeff but i had already gone through the acronym. SO! i remembered that the nsfw alphabet existed and thought it’d be put to great use on this blog. please reblog or like if you enjoyed! :)

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

jeff is definitely very caring after sex. if he knew he pushed you and went a little too rough on you, i could 100% see him getting an ice pack for your welts or putting some cream on them just to make sure you’re okay. i also feel like after sex, he would check in to see if you enjoyed yourself because he believes he has to have a top performance. imagine he went to rough on you and you were having trouble walking, so he picks you up bridal style and carries you to the bathroom to make sure you pee (no uti’s in this bitch) and to make sure you’re cared for. then he’d carry you back to bed and tuck you in:,)

b = body part (their favorite body part of their partner’s)

i believe jeff is an ass guy. some may debate on this BUT even if you don’t have the thiccest of the thiccy, he would love it regardless. with or without the sex, he seems like the type to always have his hands on your ass no matter what. doing dishes? his hands smack your ass. y’all are kissing? his hands are on your ass. if you’re riding him, he would most definitely guide you with his hands on your probably already bright red cheeks. / if you wanna read a little bit more about this, read my bdsm breakdown! 

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he’d def want to finish on your ass or all over your tits. if he’s fucking you doggystyle and is about to come, he’d pull out and release his cum all over your ass. if he was finishing while y’all were in missionary, he’d instruct you to sit up on your knees and push your tits together. you’d put your tongue out just to see if you’d get a little taste of his cum and he’d jack himself off and aim at your tits.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

sometimes he’d like to pick fights with you because he knew the makeup sex would be BOMB AF. or even if y’all didn’t make up, the angry sex would be so rough and fulfilling. he’d love to have the chance to wrap his hand around your throat or manhandle you but you didn’t mind it at all because it was CONSENSUAL and you knew he wouldn’t push the boundary.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i’d say he’s very experienced. he lost his virginity at the age of 12 so he’s had about 18 years of practice. plus his last girlfriend is spicy as hell so i wouldn’t surprised if they fucked all the time or had $picy sex :)

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

doggy.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not really. not to say y’all would never be goofy but i’ve always thought that like if something went wrong during sex, you would laugh it off and he’d get embarrassed. imagine you and the vlog squad are taking a trip in an rv. so you and jeff are trying to get it on in the bunks, i could 100% see him fucking hit his head off the top bunk and you’re just laughing his ass off and he keeps on saying that it isn’t funny and to shut the fuck up lol

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he is 100% a ken doll down there. he cares a lot about his image so i’m sure he’s well maintained under there.

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

“as far as making love, i can see him as extremely passionate but soft at the same time? like i feel like he would be soft in the way of talking to you. like i can imagine him gassing you up and just calling you beautiful and telling you how much he loves your certain features. like he’d just be a complete softie! his strokes would 100% send it home and he’d probably be gripping the headboard while thrusting into you passionately.“ (taken from one of my blurbs)

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

if you went on a business trip or a vacation, he is def relying on his hand. if you’re around, i can’t see him doing it often. maybe you had somewhere to be and he caught a glimpse of you and got horny. so while you’re gone, he decides to masturbate and you realize that you left something. so you walk back to the apartment and nerf comes tapping to you. hearing moans coming from the bedroom, you turn to nerf and say ”hey nerf, what is daddy doing?” you inch closer to the door and the moans become more prominent. slowly opening the door, you’re met with a naked jeff, abs well defined, and his hair sticking to his forehead due to all the sweat. “woah woah woah, y/n, what are ya doin’?” he’d panic. getting all shy, you’d tell him to continue and pretend you’re not even there as you search for the item you left behind lol

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

“some kinks that i see jeff would have are: double penetration, dirty talk/degradation, and candle wax play. when it comes to double penetration, i don’t mean in the typical way of two people filling both holes. i don’t think jeff would want to share his partner so i envision more of his partner (who has a vagina) wearing a butt plug while he fucks his partner’s vagina. another kink we can explore is dirty talk with degradation. just like david, i can see him saying stuff like ‘can you take daddy’s cock like a good girl?’ (hehe daddy kink) and ‘do you like it when daddy fills your holes like the slut you are?’ dirty stuff like that ya kno?“ (taken from one of my blurbs)

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

it depends. if y’all are at a hotel for example (like the one in miami), it’s the balcony. i could see him fucking you from behind while pulling your hair and nipping at your neck. if it’s a casual day in the life; the bed, the couch, or maybe even the barber chair? when i think about having sex in the chair, i think of his partner first giving him head while he’s sitting in the chair, then transitioning to riding him in the chair, and maybe you’re holding onto the arms of the check and fucks you from the back. :,)

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

what turns jeff on? every part of your being. as corny as it sounds, he seems like you could just make a funny joke and everyone laughing would turn him on????? that maybe sounds weird but he’d be so into you that something as simple as that could get him going. also when he catches you dancing at a party and just exuding confidence all over the place!

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

probably roleplay and every that’s too taboo. i could see him not enjoying roleplay because he’d think it’s “too cheesy”

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

i believe he prefers to receive other than give. and no one come for my neck for saying that. it doesn’t make him selfish because his stroke games seems a1. 

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it depends. if y’all are making love, it’s slow and sensual. if it’s a hookup or just fucking, y’all are going fast and rough. (here’s a blurb where i talk about both of these)

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

they wouldn’t happen often but if you did it, it was in a public place. i can totally see jeff and his partner hooking up really quick in david’s bathroom during a party because y’all literally couldn’t wait till y’all got home. other than that, i feel like he really wouldn’t like to rushed so quickies didn’t happy as often as with someone like david.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

i think he’s down to experiment but it depends. i don’t see him as OUTRAGEOUSLY kinky but say one night you’re like “hey wanna try anal?” he might be hesitant at first but try it after you beg him. i feel like if it’s what his partner wants, he’ll do it because he’s a sucker for them.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he’s a pretty healthy guy so i’d say three rounds TOPS. and as far as how long does he last? i’d say 30-45 minutes! 

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

the only toy i could envision him wanting to try on you is a butt plug. due to the fact i’ve stated that i think he’s an ass guy, i think he would go nuts to see his princess with a pink and glitter butt plug in all its glory. :,) 

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

i don’t think he’s into teasing that much during sex. i think he’s clear, concise and to the point. however, i believe he’d be the biggest tease before sex. like imagine sitting on his lap in david’s tesla after leaving the club. and his hands are just stroking the inner part of thighs and he’d lean into your ear and say something like “can’t wait till we get home mmmm-” and then kiss your neck

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he’s definitely loud. matt king said he was loud when he masturbates and i believe it. i feel like he has more breathy moans and low moans???? definitely a grunter as well

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he’s definitely against threesomes with a male partner. he may be willing to share you with a female friend but i could see him still getting jealous over sharing you. if there was a threesome with you and another woman, he would be the one to dictate the situation. like telling you two to kiss and or feel each other’s tits or get the other woman off.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

this has been a topic of discussion many of times on my blog but i’ve come to the conclusion; he may not be thick but he’s long.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he definitely has a high sex drive. y’all remember that jeff’s barbershop episode when matt said he could hear jeff masturbate a lot? joke or not, i believe it. due to his flirty nature as well, i could see him definitely down to fuck 24/7.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

i feel like he would knock tf out. this guy gets up early in the morning and powers throughout the day so if y’all have sex late at night, he’s knocked. but if it’s early in the mornings, that’s just one way for him to start the day. he would probably lay in bed for like 30 minutes then take a shower and start his day.

[vilullabyy]

Hey have some shitposts

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Cross: I think I might fuck around and become a flat earther

Ink: Pfft, you still believe in earth?

Cross: ...I think I might fuck around and become a no earther

Ink: That's the spirt

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Killer: Ovens are just spicy refrigerators

Dream: Killer it's fucking 3:18 in the morning go to bed-

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Horror: Y'all ever just breathe

Nightmare: I wish I didn't

Error: *spits out chocolate milk*

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

*insert Cross and Error fighting over a chocolate bar*

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

|Favorite Types of Oneshots|

Fluff: Dream, Lust, Blue, Error

Angst: Nightmare, Killer, Cross, Geno

Smut: Ink, Reaper, Horror, Dust

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

|What they are a slut for (besides their partner)|

Sleep: Reaper, Dust, Killer

Food: Cross, Horror, Error

EVERYTHING: Ink, Dream, Blue

Nothing: Nightmare, Geno, Lust

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Dust: *looking through dictionary*

Dust, giggling: Guys look

Horror and Killer, looking over: *laughing like 5 year olds*

Cross: What are you- oh.

Cross: Are you fucking serious.

Nightmare, from other room: They saw the word "sex" in the dictionary, didn't they?

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Killer, recording for Youtube: Hey guys I'm here with my friend Ink, and today we're gonna be counting down the top 15 thiccest anime characters

Ink: At number 15, we have Nemo from Finding Nemo-

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Lust: So Ink told me if I started selling my bath water,  I'd-

Horror: I'm gonna stop you right there.

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Error: I'm really wanna yeet Ink

Ink: yes please i wish to be yeeted

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Horror: Damn, you thicc~

Lust: I'm literally a skeleton

Horror:

Horror: Yeah but like-

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Killer: I'm a fucking helicopter-

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Blue: Hey guys! An alternative to recyclying your glass bottles is eating it.

Dream: wha-

Blue: Eat it.

Dream: But-

Blue: fUCKING EAT THE BOTTLE.

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

|Why they're excited to go back to school|

To go shopping for school supplies: Ink, Lust, Dream, Blue

To play pranks: Horror, Killer, Dust, Reaper

They're not: Cross, Error, Geno, Nightmare

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Dust: FUCK OFF, KILLER

Killer: I'M NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING

Killer: YOU'RE JUST A BITCH

Dust: SO HELP ME I'M GOING TO BREAK THE ATOMS THAT MAKE UP YOUR BODY

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Nightmare: *jugging gallons of coffee*

Reaper: Dude

Reaper: Wtf

Reaper: Give me some I'm dying inside too-

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Cross: *is eating oreos*

Horror: DUDE

Cross: wha

Horror: THAT'S CANNABILISM

Cross: YOUR ENTIRE AU IS CANNABILISM-

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Dust, crying: *breaks down Killer's door*

Killer: What. The. Fuck.

Dust: i FoUnD dIaMoNdS iN mY mInEcRaFt WoRlD

Killer: OH FUCK YES-

Nightmare: SHUT THE FUCK UP IT'S TWO IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Dream: hI i'M pEpPa pIg

Dream: aNd ThIs iS mY lItTlE bRoThEr gEoRge

Nightmare: How much weed did you fucking smoke

Dream: nOt eNoUgH

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Error: You're so dramatic

Ink, with a rose between his lips, throwing glitter around, dressed in evening wear during the day, draping himself across a piano: I have no idea what you're talking about

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Nightmare:  :(

Dream: Turn that frown upside down!

Nightmare:  ):

Dream: I can never win

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

Cross: *is t-posing*

Killer: ...too..strong...must....resist...his..godly...powers...

Nightmare: ohmyfuckinggodwhy-

Dream: Killer stop

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

[emeraldbabygirl]

Intro to Great Guys

Very brief, very basic, very slutty uwu

So Great Guys is a 9 membered boy group under DNA entertainment. They debuted with Last Men, which has the biggest Infinite vibes omg a bop. Other songs by them include Ganda, Dang, Illusion and their lastest comeback Be On You. Careful tho, Be On You is hot af. Let’s move on with a shitty intro to the members uwu. Btw, the average height of these boys is 6ft.

This motherfucker right here? This is one of the rappers. I don’t pay attention to who’s the main rapper or the dancer or any of that stuff but this is Rapper Daddy Dongin. He has two solo songs, very hot hot and he’s got tattoos. He’s my main bias and Daddy in Great Guys

Then this bitch right here, this is Papi Yong a.k.a Horyeong. His cold expressions just ugh he a freak™️ like watch the Be On You mv, he’s just sitting there like he’s watching you pole dance for him yes please. I share him with one of my mutuals on here

This tall Baby Daddy is Uiyeon also Jeon Mingi, the second Mingi that I love. He’s 6’3. Literally a goddamn Redwood tree and the tallest idol in existence. I’ve said this multiple times, he’s taller than Zelo, Wooseok and all of KNK. He’s the second rapper in Great Guys. If you don’t know I have a thing for rappers. It’s always been like that.

This lethal whore. This is Hwalchan. He has the cutest smile and the cutest aegyo but don’t be fooled because this man is lethal as hell. His body is 100 and his voice, the duality of this bitch

This is King Daun who’s throne is my lap thank you. Actually very sweet uwu

This is the smol puppy Hanuel uwu. He’s absolutely adorable in the Dang mv

This is puppy/prince Donghwi who can hit the high notes like its nobodies business. He plays guitar

This is the mancake Baekyeol who’s the thiccest bitch in town. He’s got enough cake to run a bake sale and he knows it

Lastly this is Sir JaeI who belts out Frank Sinata like a pro, he can freestyle dance to Momoland and he’s in charge of editing Great Guys videos

So here’s some links to Great Guys videos of you want to watch them:

Great Guys does limbo ft. Uiyeon toppling down

Great Guys living their best life

Great Guys crackhead energy during the Illusion era

Unhelpful guide to Great Guys

Pops In Seoul Intro to Great Guys:

Uiyeon

Hwalchan

Horyeong

Dongin

Donghwi

Daun

JaeI

Haneul

Baekyeol

Here’s their YouTube channel

And their Instagram is Great Guys official

@despairandjo​

Btw tumblr’s been giving me shit whenever I try to post links so if none of them work just let me know and I’ll cry dm you the link

[beauvilliers]

there’s a sliding scale of endearing bland male athelete and untrustworthy bland male athelete. sidney crosby is down one end. jonathan toews is at the other.

those are also the two thiccest bitches in the nhl. coincidence?? i think not.

[fattywrites]

Y'all so lemme tell you how to make the most bitching sausage gravy of your life.

Get out a skillet.

You got options: pork or turkey sausage. I don't eat pork so I use turkey sausage, it's decent enough but saltier than pork and it doesn't have as much fat in it.

So if you're using pork just drop that meat in the skillet on medium-high and get to browning. If you're using turkey, Melt like 2-3tbs butter first.

Once it's brown add 1/3 cup flour and mix it in good and cook it like 2 mins. If your pan doesn't look dry on the bottom add a lil more flour so you don't have an oil slick on top of your final gravy. If your pan is a little too dry-looking, add a lil more butter. If you're using turkry sausage specifically, I turn my heat onto high for a minute or two before I add the flour because turkey sausage tends to have a lot of juices and I want them to evaporate (don't be dumping it down the drain; it's full of flavor just concentrate it down).

After the flour cooks lil bit add 3 cups milk product (if you can't do dairy, don't eat this. I know. I have a mild milk allergy myself and if there was a way to make bitching gravy w plant milk I would know about it but like. Trust me on this don't do it just suffer it's worth it). I like to do a mix of heavy cream and milk. You can do all heavy cream if you're bulking, you can do all skim if you're minimizing (but if you're going the skim route only add 2.5 cups so it still get thick like this cuz even if you're not on the thicc life, your gravy should be, ok? Ok).

If your heat's not on high put it on high.

Add sage and black pepper until the ancestors tell you to stop.

Stir gently until it comes to a boil and looks like the thiccest most glorious thing you've seen in your life.

Take it off the heat, serve it on fresh biscuits (still hunting for my perfect recipe on that), fried potatoes of any kind, or eat it by the spoonful straight out of the pan while standing over the stove like the lawless COVID hellion you've become.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

do he got a booty tho???

phantom of the opera asses ranked from least thicc to DUMB THICC 

erik: 

erik has no ass. straight up. bitch got zero ass cheeks. NOTHING. its a void. he has no nose, no moral compass, and no ass

how does he shit??? its a mystery

any chaps become assless chaps when erik wears them (because he has no ass) 

christine:

her heart is thicc with love and compassion but her ass is flatt with two ts

shes a pure and chaste woman of virtue so she’s saving her ass for jesus anyway

has a great personality but her personality cant sit on ur face :/

raoul: 

generally a scrawny twink but has a surprisingly decent ass 

*drops red scarf and bends over seductively to pick it up* pardon me madamoiselle 

does squats in front of a mirror while crying 

the daroga: 

not the thiccest but sculpted like a goddamn statue

a magnificent work of booty craftsmanship, flawless, like everything else about the daroga who is one of the few characters in phantom of the opera who is both sexy AND valid 

he doesn’t get a pension for being part of the royal family- he gets a pension for dat ass

carlotta:

you know how women in the 19th century wear those giant fuck off 19th century booty dresses? not carlotta. thats all ass, all day

its an ass to die for and one that has Definitely Killed

her asscheeks contain active hornets nests and if anyone other than piangi touches her ass it WILL anger the hornets 

piangi: 

BEHOLD!!! THAT ASS COULD BRING DOWN THE CHANDELIER!!!!

MAMMA MIA THOSE ARE TWO A-SPICY MEATBALLS 

THICC LEGEND

[mrs-dr-reid]

Winter Soldier Part 3

Word Count: 8010

A/N: Oof, she REALLY thicc. Probably the thiccest of them all. Sorry bout that. And another new OC alert! Her name is Jessica Lewis, and she’s my character for Bucky. Happy reading!

———————————————————————

Status Report:

Yep. Another cliffhanger. You guys should probably be getting used to them by now, because they’re most likely not going to stop happening. Sorry not sorry. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get back into the story.

After we got away from the search party, I tracked down where Sam lived, and we knocked on his door. He pulled the shade, and he opened the door when he realized it was us. He said, “Hey, guys,” and Steve said, “I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lay low,” Nat adding, “Everyone we know is trying to kill us.”

After he looked at us for a few seconds, he said, “Not everyone,” and allowed us to come inside. Sam showed us to the guest room and bathroom and said to help ourselves to whatever we needed, which was very nice of him. After Steve was done in the bathroom, he let me go in to take care of what I needed to take care of, and he went to talk to Nat. I caught the last bit of their conversation as I came out of the bathroom, and Nat said, “Well, you seem pretty chipper for somebody who just found out they died for nothing,” so Steve replied, “Well, guess I just like to know who I’m fighting,” and gave her a wry smile.

Sam came into the room a few seconds later, and he said, “I made breakfast. If you guys eat that sort of thing,” so the three of us followed him into the kitchen, and we started discussing the previous night’s events. Nat said, “So, the question is, who at S.H.I.E.L.D could launch a domestic missile strike?”, and after a few seconds of thinking, Steve and I looked at each other and said together, “Pierce,” and Nat said, “Who happens to be sitting at the top of the most secure building in the world.”

Steve said, “But he’s not working alone. Zola’s algorithm was on the Lemurian Star,” so I said, “And so was Jasper Sitwell,” after I put two and two together, making Nat make one of those faces that clearly reads “That son of a bitch”, and Steve say, “So, the real question is, how do the three most wanted people in Washington kidnap a S.H.I.E.L.D. officer in broad daylight?”, while crossing his arms. Sam walked around the island, said, "The answer is, you don’t,” and plopped a semi-thick dossier down on the table in front of Steve. He said, “What’s this?”, and Sam replied, “Call it a résumé,” so Steve stood up, and Nat picked up the picture on top of the file before saying, “Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you? You didn’t say he was a Pararescue.”

Steve took the photo, looked at the man beside Sam in the photo, then said, “Is this Riley?”, and Sam replied, “Yeah,” before Nat said, “I heard they couldn’t bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use? A stealth chute?”, so Sam said, “No. These,” then handed Steve the file. He read it for a few seconds, then said, “I thought you said you were a pilot,” so I said, “He never said pilot, Steve,” and Sam said, “No, I did not,” making me smile. Steve said, “I can’t ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason,” so he replied, “Dude, Captain America needs my help. There’s no better reason to get back in.”

Steve pondered this for a second, then he held up the file and said, “Where can we get our hands on one of these things?”, so Sam said, “The last one is at Fort Meade. Behind three guarded gates and a 12-inch steel wall,” and after the three of us exchanged looks, I said, “That shouldn’t be a problem,” and the other two nodded. We tracked down where Agent Sitwell was, and Sam set him up to bump into us. We got him onto the roof of a nearby building (or forced him up there, I should probably say), and Steve shoved him out of the stairwell before he said, “Tell me about Zola’s algorithm,” but Sitwell dodged the question and said, “Never heard of it,” so I snapped, “What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?”, and he said, “I was throwing up. I get seasick,” and as we were grilling him, we were backing him up closer to the edge of the roof.

He almost fell off, but Steve grabbed his jacket to keep him from doing so, though he still kept him frighteningly close to the edge. Sitwell chuckled and said, “Is this little display meant to insinuate that you’re gonna throw me off the roof? Because it’s really not your style, Rogers,” so Steve said, “You’re right. It’s not,” and let go of him before smoothing out his jacket. After a few more seconds, he said, “It’s theirs,” and stepped to the side before Nat and I used the opposite leg of each other (I used my right, she used her left) to Sparta-kick Sitwell off of the roof.

A few seconds later, Nat said, “Oh wait, what about that guy from Accounting, Loren…,” so Steve said, “Leo. Mohawk, right?”, and when she said, “Yeah, he’s nice,” Steve replied, “Yeah. I’m not ready for that,” making me laugh. Sam flew back up with Sitwell and threw him down on the roof before he landed. The three of us started walking towards him, but the fall must’ve scared him enough to make him spill, because he said, “Zola’s algorithm is a program for choosing Insight’s targets,” and when Steve said, “What targets?”, he said, “You! A TV anchor in Cairo, the Under Secretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa City, Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who’s a threat to HYDRA. Now, or in the future.”

I said, “In the future? How could it know?”, so Sitwell laughed and said, “How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught HYDRA how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, emails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores! Zola’s algorithm evaluates people’s past to predict their future”, and when Steve said, “And what then?”, Sitwell dodged the question and said, “Oh, my God. Pierce is gonna kill me,” which made me narrow my eyes at him. Steve persisted and said, "What then?”, and Sam grabbed the back of Sitwell’s jacket for a brief second before he spilled again. He said, “Then the Insight helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time,” making my eyes widen and my hand involuntarily grab Steve’s.

We loaded Sitwell into the car, and when we were on the highway, he said, “HYDRA doesn’t like leaks,” so Sam snapped, “Then why don’t you try sticking a cork in it?”, and Nat leaned forward in her seat to say, “Insight’s launching in 16 hours. We’re cutting it a little bit close here,” me nodding in agreement.

Steve replied, “I know. We’ll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the helicarriers directly,” which prompted Sitwell’s response of, "What? Are you crazy? That is a terrible, terrible idea,” then after there were a few thuds on the roof of the car, a metal arm busted through the window, grabbed Sitwell, and chucked him out the window, him getting hit by a semi almost immediately, making me flinch.

Nat looked up, then launched herself forward, pulled Steve out of the way of a headshot, and pushed Sam with her foot so he wouldn’t get shot either, then I reached forward and put the car in park, which launched the perpetrator off the car and into the road in front of us, so I put the car in neutral after.

He flipped over, and scraped his metal arm on the pavement to slow him down, sending up sparks and pulling up some concrete in the process. He stood up, and when I got a good look at him, I knew it was the Winter Soldier. He had long and shaggy brown hair, a silver metal prosthetic with a red star on it replaced where his left arm should have been, and he was wearing black tactical gear with a black mask and tinted goggles.

Before Nat could shoot him, a military-style Hummer rear-ended us and kept pushing us towards him. Sam kept us moving in a kind of straight line, then the Winter Soldier performed a jump-twist maneuver and landed on top of the car again, taking out the back window in the process, making everyone in the car flinch slightly. Sam slammed on the brakes, but he was still on top of the car and had no plans to move. He punched through the windshield and ripped out the steering wheel, causing Sam to scream, “Shit!”, and start panicking. Nat shot at the Soldier through the roof, but he dodged all of her bullets and jumped onto the hood of the car that rammed into us.

Without a steering wheel, we couldn’t control where we were going, so when the car behind us rear-ended us again, we hit the side of the bridge, hit the other side of the bridge, and started to spiral out of control. Steve got ready to bust his door off of its hinges, and he yelled, “Hang on!”, so I grabbed onto Sam, and when the car began to flip over, Steve rammed against his door, it came off the frame, and our car began flipping over while we were essentially sledding down the freeway on a car door.

Sam rolled off to make more room for the rest of us, and he hid behind what remained of our car after it came to a stop. The door quit sliding, so Steve helped Nat and I stand up, and we stood there, watching the Winter Soldier be handed a grenade launcher of sorts. He pulled the trigger, and a grenade started coming at us, so Steve shoved Nat and me out of the way and held up his shield, but that didn’t do him much good, because the grenade exploded on impact, which sent him flying off of the bridge and through the window of a bus.

The bus got hit by one of those power line-repair trucks, and it got tipped over, making me scream, “STEVE!!!”, but I had much more pressing matters to deal with because the HYDRA goons the Winter Soldier brought with him were firing machine guns at us. Nat and I ducked behind one car, Sam ducked behind another, then Nat and I broke out our pistols to fight back, while Sam just tried not to die. I tossed him my pistol and started shooting ice instead, and for a while we did okay, but then the Winter Soldier shot another one of those grenade things at Nat and me, so we had to run for it. We flipped into the next lane and hid behind another car, which the Soldier obviously shot at, making it explode, so Nat and I flipped over the edge, and she fired her grappling hook to save herself while I slid to safety on an ice slide, then we took off running.

Nat saw the Soldier’s shadow at the edge of the bridge, and she flung out an arm to keep me back. She waited until he lowered his gun before she shot at him, dazing him for a minute. By the time he got back up, I had hidden behind the overturned bus, and Nat was shooting at the Soldier again. She started running away, and over all the commotion, I heard the Winter Soldier say in Russian (yet another language I’m fluent in), “I have her. Find the man and the other girl,” and I knew he was talking about me and Steve, so I got ready for the other goons.

I heard a car windshield get smashed, and heavy footsteps echoed past me, so I knew the Soldier was going after Nat. I stayed behind the bus for a few seconds, but then the goons started shooting at the bus, and I heard Steve running through the bus until he crashed through the back window, grabbed Eleanor, and blocked all the bullets that were fired at him. He deflected some back at the goons, and Sam had taken a gun from somebody to shoot a few of the people that were starting to circle to Steve’s unprotected side.

Sam saw me, and he waved at me to signal that I needed to get moving, so I obliged and took off running, firing ice balls at goons and throwing up walls to protect innocent civilians. I saw the Soldier blow up a car, then Nat came in and started her assault, but he threw her away, and he was about to shoot her, but she threw an EMP at his arm, seizing it up and allowing her to get away. She ran for a while, telling people to stay away, but then a bullet hit her in the shoulder, making me scream, “NAT!!!”, but before the Winter Soldier could finish her off, Steve came running in to take him down.

The Soldier brought his metal fist against Eleanor, and it gave off the sound of a mallet hitting a huge clock tower bell, and if he wasn’t trying to kill me, my best friend, and my boyfriend, I would’ve found that pretty frickin cool. The two men continued fighting, then the Soldier put Steve in a choke hold and threw him over the hood of the car, making me scream Steve’s name in fear. Steve gave him hell for another minute or two, then he flipped him over his head, sending him flying a good ten feet away, so I broke into a run, and ran over to Steve to help him stand up.

I saw the Winter Soldier’s mask lying on the ground, meaning it must have come off during the fight. The Soldier stood up, and when he turned around to show his face, my jaw hit the pavement, because it was none other than James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, and Steve was in disbelief as well. He brought himself up to his full height, and after breathing hard for a few seconds, he said, “Bucky?”, his voice full of incredulity. The Soldier said, “Who the hell is Bucky?”, and went to shoot at us, but Sam flew in and knocked him away, momentarily distracting him. He went to shoot at us again, but he dove out of the way, so Steve and I took the hint and ducked too, because Nat had fired one of those explode-on-impact grenade things at him, despite having a bullet wound (damn, my best friend is metal as HELL).

We looked back at where he had dived away, but he wasn’t there anymore like he just disappeared (really catering to the whole “Ghost Story” thing). S.H.I.E.L.D./HYDRA goons arrived no more than thirty seconds later, and they ordered us to get down. Brock Rumlow aimed his gun at us and yelled, “Drop the shield, Cap! Get on your knees! You too, Carter!”, so Steve dropped Eleanor on the ground and put his hands in the air, me doing the same. The agents encircled us, and Rumlow actually kicked the back of Steve’s legs to get him on his knees. He put a hand on my shoulder to force me onto my knees, and out of the corner of my eye I saw somebody point a gun at Steve’s head, which made my blood boil, and I’m pretty sure I accidentally gave Rumlow a freezer burn (sorry not sorry, asshole).

Rumlow ordered the guy to put his gun down, because there was a news chopper above us, and he didn’t want to send the wrong message. He cuffed Steve and me, and Steve just kneeled there, not doing anything. After we were put in a truck, Steve said, “It was him. He looked right at me like he didn’t even know me,” and Sam said, “How is that even possible? It was, like, 70 years ago.”

My eyes widened and I said, “Zola,” after I realized, and when Sam said, “What?”, Steve said, “Bucky’s whole unit was captured in ‘43. Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and…,” then Nat picked up where he trailed off and said, “None of that’s your fault, Steve,” and I added, “She’s right. That HYDRA goon blew open the train, it’s not like you pushed him out,” but he didn’t listen. He said, “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky,” so I smiled sadly at him, then looked down and realized I was subconsciously freezing through my restraints.

I looked over at Nat, and I let out a small gasp, because her left shoulder was bleeding heavily, no doubt from her bullet wound, and I could feel my powers embrittling the metal cuffs over my hands. Sam turned to one of the guards and said, “We need to get a doctor here. If we don’t put pressure on that wound, she’s gonna bleed out here in the truck,” and the guard pointed their zappy stick at him, then zapped the guard next to them and kicked them unconscious.

They pulled off their helmet to reveal that they were Maria Hill, and she said, “Ah. That thing was squeezing my brain,” and three seconds later my cuffs snapped apart from how brittle they had gotten, and the four of them looked at me weird, so I said, “What?”, then Maria pointed at Sam and said, “Who is this guy?”, making me laugh. Maria whipped out a little tool, cut a hole through the truck, then we hijacked a different truck and got the hell out of there.

We ended up at a dam a few miles out of town, and I helped Steve get Nat out of the truck. We went inside the dam, and Maria called out to an approaching agent and said, “GSW. She’s lost at least a pint,” Sam adding, “Maybe two,” as we sprinted towards him. The agent said, "Let me take her,” but Maria said, “She’ll want to see him first,” which confused me slightly, but we kept following her. When she pulled back a plastic curtain, I understood what she meant, and I had to grab Sam’s shoulder for support to keep myself from fainting, because Nicholas Frickin Fury was laying in a hospital bed, 100% alive, and when he saw us, he said, “About damn time.” (bitch please, you try getting into a firefight on a freeway)

While Nat received treatment for her wound, Fury explained what had happened to him. He said, “Lacerated spinal column, cracked sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver, and one hell of a headache,” and when the agent tending to Nat said, “Don’t forget your collapsed lung,” he said, “Let’s not forget that. Otherwise, I’m good,” making me let out a tiny shocked laugh at how he could be making a joke at this moment.

Nat said, "They cut you open. Your heart stopped,” so Fury said, “Tetrodotoxin B. Slows the pulse to one beat a minute. Banner developed it for stress. Didn’t work so great for him, but we found a use for it,” and I nodded in understanding, but Steve said, “Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us? Steph was in shambles for at least two hours after we watched you die,” so Maria explained, “Any attempt on the Director’s life had to look successful,” and Fury added, “Can’t kill you if you’re already dead. Besides, I wasn’t sure who to trust,” and I nodded, Steve putting a hand on my shoulder.

Agent Jessica Lewis, a girl who I worked alongside when the two of us were first starting out at S.H.I.E.L.D., helped Fury out of bed, and as soon as we were all sat around a table, he picked up a picture of Pierce and said, “This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said peace wasn’t an achievement, it was a responsibility. See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues,” and Nat said, “We have to stop the launch,” so Fury replied, “I don’t think the Council’s accepting my calls anymore,” then opened a briefcase with three computer chips in it.

Sam said, “What’s that?”, so Maria said, “Once the helicarriers reach 3,000 feet, they’ll triangulate with Insight satellites, becoming fully weaponized,” and Fury added, “We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own,” making me raise an eyebrow. Maria said, “One or two won’t cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work because if even one of those ships remains operational, a whole lot of people are gonna die,” and Jessica (who was standing a few feet away) said, “We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA, so we’ll have to get past them to insert these server blades,” Fury adding, “Exactly. And maybe, just maybe we can salvage what’s left…,” but Steve cut him off and said, “We’re not salvaging anything. We’re not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We’re taking down S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Fury said, “S.H.I.E.L.D. had nothing to do with this,” so Steve fired at him, “You gave me this mission. This is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s been compromised. You said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.”

Fury said, “Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave? I noticed,” and Steve said, “How many paid the price before you did?”, making me look away and sigh, because as much as it hurt to admit it to myself, he was right. My grandmother is one of the smartest women I know, and if she’d noticed something fishy was going on within her organization, I used to think that she’d have at least hinted at it when I was younger, but now I’m not so sure. Fury was silent for a few seconds after that remark, then let out a sigh and said, “Look, I didn’t know about Barnes,” so Steve said, “Even if you did, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that, too? S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes,” and Maria said, “He’s right.”

Fury looked around at everybody surrounding the table, so Jessica shrugged, I nodded and made the “He’s got a point” face, and Nat leaned back in her chair and shot a quick look at him. When Fury looked at Sam, he said, “Don’t look at me. I do what they do, just slower,” making me let out a snicker before Fury said, “Well… It looks like you’re giving the orders now, Captain,” and Steve nodded ever so slightly. He disappeared from the cave for a few minutes, so I looked around and eventually found him standing on the bridge that went across the dam, watching the water rush away.

I snuck up behind him, then snaked my arms around his waist before saying, “Hey, Soldier,” and he said, “Hey,” with a hint of a melancholy tone in his voice. I removed my arms, then said, “You haven’t sounded this glum since the time we thought Tony wasn’t gonna make it out of that wormhole. What’s up?”, so he said, “Nothing. I’m just thinking.”, which made me slide in between him and the wall, say, “Oh, boy. When Steve Rogers starts thinking, that’s how you know the world’s coming to an end,” and smirk at him. He said, “Haha, very funny, Stephanie,” in a sarcastic voice before leaning forward and kissing me gently, my arms wrapping around his neck and my lips spreading into a smile. When he pulled away, I smiled at him and ran my fingers through the spiky part of his blond hair affectionately, earning a smile from my walking Dorito of a boyfriend.

Sam walked up to us and said, “He’s gonna be there, you know,” referring to the Winter Soldier, so Steve said, “I know,” and kept looking forward. After moving to his side and putting a hand on his shoulder, I said, “Steve, whoever the Winter Soldier used to be and the man he is now, I don’t think that he’s the kind that you save,” so Sam said, “She’s right, man. He’s the kind you stop,” and after a few seconds of silence, Steve said, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

Sam said, “Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn’t know you,” me adding, “He’s right, Steve. He had no idea who you were when he saw you today, and even if he did, HYDRA probably has a mind-wiping device that rewires his brain so he wouldn’t anymore. Are you really going to risk your life for someone who hasn’t seen you since 1945?”, and after a few seconds of silence, he said, “I am, and he will. Gear up. It’s time,” and started walking away.

Sam and I exchanged a look, and Sam called after him, “You gonna wear that?”, so he looked back over his shoulder while he walked and said, “No. If you’re gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform,” making Sam and I look at each other again, unsure of what he was planning. Jessica managed to make it back to mine and Steve’s shared apartment to grab my uniform for me, and she had offered to bring back Steve’s as well, but I told her that Steve already had an idea to take care of that issue.

I suited up, then as I was getting ready to head out, I bumped into Steve, and he immediately received a sock on the arm, because he had gone and stolen his old 1940s Cap suit from the Smithsonian, which we all know sucked and couldn’t stop a bullet if it came at him with a pillow. Maria put on her S.H.I.E.L.D. catsuit, Sam put on his goggles and flight pack, and we all put in ear pieces to keep in contact with one another. What surprised me was when Jessica came strutting out of the facility wearing a catsuit that looked like waves crashing over each other and insisted that she was coming.

I said, “I dunno, Jess. What if you get hurt? I’d never forgive myself,” so she made a fountain of water spout out of her hand (something that I did not know she could do), then said, “I think I’ll be okay,” which made me laugh. We trooped through the woods in a line, and I couldn’t help feeling slightly apprehensive when the Triskelion came into view, and Steve must’ve noticed, because his arm wrapped around my waist and he squeezed slightly, calming me down a little bit.

We made it inside the Triskelion, and we went up to the PA room, and when one of the guys opened the door to go “check the dish” or something along those lines, Maria and Sam raised their guns, I made two ice spears, Jessica held up a water ball, and Steve simply said, “Excuse us,” which made the guy raise his hands and let us all in.

Steve stood in front of the microphone, took off his helmet, then said, “Attention all S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, this is Steve Rogers. You’ve heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. But I think it’s time you know the truth. S.H.I.E.L.D. is not what we thought it was. It’s been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The S.T.R.I.K.E. and Insight crew are HYDRA as well. I don’t know how many more, but I know they’re in the building. They could be standing right next to you.

"They almost have what they want. Absolute control. They shot Nick Fury. And it won’t end there. If you launch those helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way. Unless we stop them. I know I’m asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it’s a price I’m willing to pay. And if I’m the only one, then so be it. But I’m willing to bet I’m not,” and after a few seconds of silence, Sam stepped forward and said, “Did you write that down first, or was it off the top of your head?”, which made me laugh.

Security feed came up on the monitor of the helicarriers starting to go up, and Maria said, “They’re initiating launch,” which made me turn to look at Steve, and he nodded, signaling that we had to go. We ran outside, and Sam said, “Hey, Cap, how do we know the good guys from the bad guys?”, and Steve replied, “If they’re shooting at you, they’re bad,” which made Jess and I let out a laugh. Sam took off flying, and I kissed Steve’s cheek before Jess and I used an ice bridge courtesy of me to sprint over to one of the helicarriers.

Sam yelled over comms, “Whoa! Hey, Cap? I found those bad guys you were talking about,” and when Steve said, “You okay?”, he replied, “I’m not dead yet,” making me laugh. Maria said, “Falcon, status?”, and he replied, “Engaging,” before he started flying around, expertly avoiding fire. Maria said, “Winter Rose, how about you and the Sapphire Wave?”, so I said, “We are approaching our target,” and Jess added, “Preparing to engage.”

Sam said, “All right, Cap. I’m in,” then after I heard the sound of a Quinjet approaching, he said, “Oh, shit,” then kept flying. Jess and I started working our way down to the control area where we needed to insert our blade, and Maria said, “Eight minutes, guys,” so Steve said, “Working on it,” before he kept messing people up. We got inside the helicarrier we were assigned, then I punched in the code while Jess stood watch. I swapped out the blades, snapped the old one, then said, “Alpha Lock,” before we booked it out of there.

Maria said, “Falcon, where are you now?”, and he yelled, “I had to take a detour,” then after a lot of heavy gunfire, he said, “I’m in,” then after a minute of radio silence, he said, “Bravo lock,” Maria said, “Two down, one to go,” and I let out a whoop of celebration, because so far this mission was going a lot better than I thought it was going to.

Maria said, “Charlie carrier is 45 degrees off the port bow. Six minutes,” and Steve said, “Hey, Sam, gonna need a ride,” Sam replied, “Roger. Let me know when you’re ready,” and after an explosion went off, Steve yelled, “I just did!”, making me laugh as Jess and I headed to the Charlie carrier. While we were running over, Jess said, “Your boyfriend sure is an interesting guy, Steph!”, so I replied, “That’s what makes him so appealing!”, and she laughed.

I heard gunshots, thumps, and scrapes, so I said, “Boys, what’s going on?!”, but I didn’t get any responses, making me start to panic and run with a higher sense of urgency. I hopped onto the deck of the Charlie carrier about thirty seconds before Jess, and I heard Sam say, “Cap! Cap, come in. Are you okay?”, and he replied, “Yeah, I’m here. I’m still on the helicarrier. Where are you?”, so Sam said, “I’m grounded. The suit’s down. Sorry, Cap.”

Steve said, “Don’t worry. I got it. Ladies, are you on Charlie?”, so I said, “Yeah, but we’re kind of hung up right now,” because a bunch of HYDRA goons were starting to close in on us. Jess said, “We’ll handle it, Cap. You go swap out the blade, and we’ll help you get back when we’re finished,” then when Steve signed off, she said, “You ready, Steph?”, so I smirked and said, “Just like old times,” before we broke out our old rock-em-sock-em routine from when we first started doing missions together, and it worked really well.

We took care of them all, then started heading for the control area to meet Steve. Maria said, “Falcon?”, and when he replied, “Yeah?”, she said, “Rumlow’s headed for the Council,” so he said, “I’m on it,” before signing off, making me feel slightly worried, because that guy is probably the most dangerous person I know, and I’m a friggin AVENGER. We made it to Charlie’s server room just in time to see Steve facing off with the Winter Soldier, and I went to go help, but Jess grabbed my arm and said, “No. This battle is Steve’s to fight. He needs to face the Soldier alone,” earning a nod from me. We watched as Steve continued to fight and make progress on swapping the blade at the same time, which I’ll admit was pretty impressive.

Eventually, the Winter Soldier tackled Steve over the railing, and they landed on a ledge, making me gasp fearfully. Steve went in without Eleanor and managed to rid himself of the Soldier long enough to grab the blade, but he immediately dropped it again. Steve knocked the Soldier off first, then jumped down to run for the blade, and he almost got there before he got knocked over by Eleanor being thrown at him by the Soldier, making me grab Jess’ arm, say, “Come on, he needs our help!”, and drag her with me to get closer to the fight just in case we were needed as backup.

The boys tussled for a few minutes, and I’m pretty sure I saw Steve get stabbed in the arm, which made me frost over the railing I was gripping tight. Steve managed to choke out the Soldier and make him go unconscious to steal the blade back, then started to book it back up to the control panel. Maria said, “One minute,” and I yelled, “Come on, Steve!!!”, Jess adding, “We’re right here if you need us!”, so he yelled back, “I’ll let you know!”, before continuing to make his way back up to the panel.

I saw the Soldier get back up and shoot Steve in the leg, and I said to Jess, “If this keeps up, my powers are gonna snap the railing,” and she said, “Then let go and take deep breaths,” so I took her advice, and it helped a little (emphasis on “little”). He made it up to the panel, and Maria said, “30 seconds, Cap,” so I mumbled, “Come on, Steve,” because if we failed, a good percentage of the world’s population was going to get it bad. Steve said, “Stand by,” and caught his breath while grabbing the blade. He said, “Charlie…,” but was cut off when the Soldier shot at him again, hitting him in the stomach. I screamed, “NO!!!”, but Steve managed to pull himself up and swapped the blade just in time. He said, “Charlie lock,” and I let out a sigh of relief before leaning against Jess, because the world was saved (at least for now).

Maria said, “Okay, Cap, get to Stephanie and Jessica, and they’ll get you out of there,” and Jess and I started making our way to Steve, but he said, “Fire now,” making us stop dead in our tracks and exchange incredulous looks with one another. Jess and I chorused into the radio, “Are you NUTS?!?!”, and Maria said, “But, Steve…,” but Steve cut her off and said, “Do it! Do it now!”, so Maria pressed the button, and the helicarriers turned on themselves and started shooting each other out of the sky.

Our carrier started rocking about, so I yelled to be heard over the noise, “We have to get Steve and get out of here!”, and Jess replied, “Agreed!”, so we started making our way to Steve, and we were almost there when he hurled himself over the edge (oh good lord, now what?). We ran over to where he jumped, and when I looked over the railing, I saw the Winter Soldier trapped under some rubble. I realized what Steve was trying to do, and I said to Jess, “Is he nuts?! That guy literally just tried to kill him!”, so she replied, “I think he might be. He’s either clinically insane or fatally sentimental.”

I said, “I’m gonna go with the second one!”, before we kept on going to help Steve. I realized that our carrier was starting to collide with the Triskelion, and I yelled, “Brace yourself!”, before we both grabbed onto the nearest solid and supported object to prepare for the impact (which honestly wasn’t that bad). I heard Nat say over comms, “Hill! Where are Steve, Steph, and Jessica? You got a location on them?”, but I couldn’t reply because we were too busy making our way down to Steve and the Soldier. We got within earshot of them, and Steve said, “You know me,” after he helped the man get out from under the rubble he was stuck under.

After a few seconds, Barnes yelled, “No, I don’t!”, and punched him, making me squeal, “DON’T!!!”, so he roared at me, “STAY OUT OF IT, BLONDIE!!!”, which you can imagine shut me up faster than the slamming of a door. Steve still wasn’t giving up, and he said, “Bucky. You’ve known me your whole life,” only earning another punch to the face. I felt an explosion come from one of the repulsor engines, and Jess said, “We need to go!”, then attempted to drag me away, but I said, “No! I can’t leave Steve!”, and refused to move, so she said, “Fine,” and plopped down next to me to wait for a chance to jump in and help Steve.

He said, “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes,” and Barnes yelled, “Shut up!”, before smacking Steve in the face again, making me cringe. Steve pulled off his helmet, said, “I’m not gonna fight you,” then dropped Eleanor through the hole in the glass beside him before he said, “You’re my friend,” and I smacked my head against the railing while letting out a groan, because Jess was right about him being fatally sentimental. He was betting his LIFE on the very slim chance that Barnes would remember him, and I made a mental note to kick the crap out of him for being so reckless if he lived.

Barnes was silent for a few seconds, then he let out a roar and tackled Steve to the ground. He mumbled, “You’re my mission,” then began punching Steve in the face over and over again with his metal arm. He yelled once again, “You’re my mission!”, while punctuating each word with a punch, and went to punch Steve again, so Steve said, “Then finish it. Because I’m with you to the end of the line,” which was a phrase I recognized from the stories he always told me about Barnes.

Barnes hesitated for a moment, then a heavy support beam fell down, breaking the glass and sending Steve plummeting into the Potomac, which made me scream, "NO!!! STEVE!!!”, before I dove off the platform and through the hole past Barnes, Jess following suit. I splashed into the river, and when I resurfaced, I coughed up some water, then screamed, “Steve?! Jess?! STEVE!!!”, and a few seconds later, Jess resurfaced a few yards away from me. I said, “Jess!”, and began to swim towards her, but she screamed, “LOOK OUT!!!”, and dove away, so I did the same thing to narrowly avoid getting clobbered by one of the giant machine guns that were previously attached to the carrier. I looked to my right and saw a familiar spangly suit being dragged onto the river bank by Barnes, which made me let out a strangled joyous scream (I’m honestly not exactly sure how to describe the noise that came out of me) and swim over to the shore faster than an Olympian.

I crawled over to his body and began crying happily/hysterically while I said, “Oh my god, Steve! Oh, thank God that you’re okay!”, and cupped his unconscious face in my hands. I looked up to see Barnes standing there, so I said, “Thank you for saving him. Thank you so much. I owe you big time. Thank you,” and he nodded before walking away while I yelled to Jess, and he stopped only once to turn and see Jess get to shore and start to help me lift Steve. She nodded gratefully at him, then helped me walk Steve to the road so we could try and contact Sam or Nat or whoever.

We got picked up, and Steve was immediately rushed to the hospital while Jess and I were given dry clothes to change into. I went directly to the hospital as soon as I was dry to stay by his side, and Sam came with me. He insisted on playing Marvin Gaye, so it would be the first thing Steve would hear when he woke up, and I let him, because I didn’t care about anything at that point unless it involved Steve and his condition. He was out for a day, but I never slept a wink, not wanting to miss it if he woke up, but Sam did, and even though he advised me to do the same, I refused.

I was looking at my phone and Sam was reading a book next to me when I heard a voice I loved so much say, “On your left,” which made me lift my head to see Steve looking at me. I whispered, “Steve?”, and he said, “Hey, Doll Face,” so I said, “Steve!!!”, then launched out of my seat and gave him a big hug, shedding a few tears in the process. When I let go, I pressed my lips to his in a tender but gentle kiss so I wouldn’t split open the stitches on the side of his mouth, and his lips spread into a smile while he brought a hand up to cup my face.

When Steve was all better, the three of us went to visit Fury’s “grave”, and Fury came up to us and said, “So, you’ve experienced this sort of thing before,” so Steve said, “You get used to it,” while Fury eyed the headstone. He said, “We’ve been data mining HYDRA’s files. Looks like a lot of rats didn’t go down with the ship. I’m headed to Europe tonight. Wanted to ask if you’d come,” so Steve said, “There’s something I got to do first,” and when Fury said, “What about you, Wilson? Could use a man with your abilities,” Sam replied, “I’m more of a soldier than a spy.”

Fury looked at me, so I said, “You already know my answer, sir. If Steve isn’t going, then neither am I. We’re a team, and teams need to stick together,” which made Steve wrap an arm around my waist and kiss my temple, earning a smile and a nose scrunch from me. Fury said, “Alright, then. I’ll see if Lewis is up to it,” then held out his hand to Sam and Steve to shake. He looked at me, and I held out a hand, but he said, “Come on now, Stephanie. We’ve reached that point!”, and held out his arms for a hug, so I laughed slightly, but obliged and hugged him.

He let go, then he grabbed my shoulders and said, “Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me, right here,” so I nodded and said, “Will do, sir. I mean, Nick,” making him smile and wink at me before walking away. A voice I’d grown to love said, “You should be honored, Steve. That’s about as close as he gets to saying thank you,” and I turned to see Nat walking towards us. Steve said, “Not going with him?”, so she said, “No,” and when I said, “But you’re not staying here,” she replied, “Nah. I blew all my covers, I gotta go figure out a new one.”

Steve said, “That might take a while,” so she said, “Oh, I’m counting on it,” which made me giggle slightly. She said, “That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev,” then handed a decently thick portfolio to Steve. Nat said, “Speaking of favors, will you do me one? Call that nurse,” so I said, “She’s not a nurse,” making her reply, “And Rogers isn’t a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent,” me shooting back, “Touché, Romanoff.”

Steve said, "What was her name again, Doll?”, so I said, “Sharon. She’s nice. I’ve been meaning to catch up with her, so I just might have to bring you with me,” and he smiled at me. Nat gave Steve a friendly kiss on the cheek and gave me a tight hug, then as she walked away, she said, “Be careful, Steve,” and turned to face us before saying, “You might not want to pull on that thread,” and walking away.

Steve opened the file, and a picture of Barnes in a cryogenic freezer was paper-clipped to the inside, making me sigh exasperatedly at Steve. Sam took one look at the file before he said, “You’re going after him,” and when Steve said, “Neither of you have to come with me,” I said, “We know, Steve,” and Sam said, “When do we start?”, making a slight smirk come to Steve’s face, and his grip tighten on my hand.

Later that night, we were settling back into our apartment after running around the city and away from HYDRA goons for the last three days, and I was flipping through a scrapbook that my grandma and I had made together at least 15 years ago while Steve repaired the holes in our wall left by the hit on Nick that started this whole mess. Steve could tell that something was troubling me, so he put down his tools and said, “What’s on your mind, Doll?”, which made me let out a long sigh before I said, “Grandma hired Zola to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. She knew about the awful stuff he did during the war, and she still decided to bring him in. Does that mean she knew about HYDRA and everything they were doing to Sergeant Barnes? And if she did, why didn’t she tell me sooner? I could’ve enlisted Nat and Clint and gutted the whole organization years ago if I had known about it!”, and tossed the scrapbook off to the side before putting my head in my hands.

Steve knelt in front of me, grabbed my hands so I’d look at him, then said, “You and I both know that dwelling on the past doesn’t do anyone any good. We’ll probably never know why Peggy did what she did, but it doesn’t do you any good to agonize over it, okay?”, so I nodded and said, “Yeah, you’re right. But this whole situation is making me think that my grandma isn’t who I thought I was idolizing my whole life,” with a defeated look on my face. Steve made a sad but understanding face, pressed a kiss to my forehead, then said, “We should get some sleep in a normal bed, Doll,” making me nod in agreement before standing up and following him to our room to get ready for bed. That’s gonna be all, friends. I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye!!!

———————————————————————

previous chapter | next chapter

series masterlist

MCU Taglist: @earth2bucky, @spilledkauffie, @libraryofloveletters

Let me know in the comments if you want to be added

[fffffaaarrrrrgogo]

Part 4 ruminations

Part 4 ruminations

Part 4 Bean Burritos with Maria's Familia

You find yourself alone on the floor of the living room cleaning up a puddle of your urine and the various spills you weren't able to swallow. You can clearly hear Carmen and Maria's voice in the other room along with maybe three or four other voices you don't recognize. You do the best you can to hurry the cleaning process along so you can wash up in the bathroom. You would prefer their first impression of you wasn't with a face full of the remnants of Maria's pee.

Luckily they take their time chatting with one another. From the sounds of it someone just won a big basketball tournament. You finish cleaning and go to the bathroom, you take your time and enjoy the minutes of solitude. As you wash your hands in the restroom you can overhear Maria explaining to everyone how she has a special surprise in store. It seems even the walls of the restroom are thin in this small cozy house. You look in the mirror and remember just how ridiculous you look in the red tank top with the word slut on it and pink mini skirt. Both articles of clothing crusty and pungent from being used to sponge up Maria's spooge.

You walk out to the living room where you are greeted by four fresh faces.

Maria introduces you with a "Here he is, gang! This is the boy I was telling you about! Meet my younger sister Gabriella, my older sister Victoria and her two twins Sonia and Sophia. Actually, Miho, it just occured to me that I haven't even asked your name yet."

"It's Doug"

"That's just like you, Maria! Asking for their name AFTER getting with them." said Victoria. Victoria the older sister had tan Latino skin and a slender figure, wearing a tight black leather coat and form fitting dark pants that showed off every curve. You would not have guessed that someone with such a slender waist was the one who mothered the twin girls. She had pulled back ravens black hair, dark eyebrows and a scrunched up face that said resting bitch. She had a cartoonishly large bubble butt that protruded way out from her smaller hips, it was like someone had shoved two balloons down the backseat of her pants. The way she held herself screamed that you did not want to mess with her, she was a bad bitch.

"Oh my god what is he wearing!?" asked Sonia, or perhaps it was Sophia? You honestly had no idea how to tell them apart, they looked exactly alike.

"Maria, did you give him those clothes?" asked Sophia.

"Oh no, this is what he was wearing when I found him. I did add my own personal flair to it though..." remarked Maria.

Sonia and Sophia were 18 year old identical twins who went to the same school as you. Despite being younger, both were taller and far more fit than you. Each still had on their basketball jersey and shorts along with sweatbands covering the top of their forehead. The sweat from their big game made their bronze skin glisten. They had light brunette hair and killer bods. So well proportioned they could probably do modeling gigs, although they weren't the pencil thin atheletic type, they were still thicc in the hips. Youthful perky D cup breasts and full round apple shaped ass cheeks. You pray that these identical twins wouldn't be opposed to fucking you together. It's always been your fantasy to have a threesome with a pair of identical twins.

"He must be a really be some boy toy if he was able to get Carmen off!" noted Victoria.

"Si!" chimed in Carmen. "I know you're not super fond of men, Victoria, but you've got to give this one a go! He's a real keeper."

Victoria: "Hmmph. We'll see." 

Maria: "He's going to try and fill the void by taking over Papi's roles. It's going to be so nice to have a MAN around the house."

Sophia: "Does that mean tonight we can have a dinner like when Papi was around?"

Maria: "I was thinking just that! Good thing we didn't throw out Papi's leashes!" Maria then approached her younger sister Gabriella, who had been noticeably silent this whole time, seems she was distracted by playing on her phone.

"Gabriella, Doug over here says he wants to play Doggie."

"Oooh Yes! I love playing Doggie! Here boy!" Gabriella's face was lit up with delight as she beckoned you over to the hallway closet. Maria's younger sister Gabriella wore glasses and had long blonde hair with dark roots. Of all the Gomez family, she was the thiccest. Largest curves of everyone, most notably her heaving bosom,  the biggest and bounciest breasts than even Maria or Carmen.  She's wearing a shirt of a cute little Hello Kitty character but the character is hopelessly stretched out from her tig ol bitties.  Her whole body seems like a golden marshmallow. A soft pudgy girl who's seemingly more interested in her phone than her surroundings unless the game of Doggie is involved.

"This is going to be so much fun! Who's a good doggy? Who's a good doggy?!"

"Um, I am" Then Gabriella gives you a quick light slap on the cheek.

"Ah ah ah!" She says waving her index finger left and right. "Doggies don't talk. Now who's a good doggy?!"

"....Bark!"

"GOOD BOY, Dougie!!! Oh My Gosh! I just realized that Dougie sounds like Doggy! Hee hee That's so funny!" Gabriella gives you several affectionate pets on the top of the head. She then puts you in a collar and attaches several leashes to you. She then "walks" you back to the kitchen while holding the multitude of leashes attached to your collar. You imagine that playing doggie entails them serving you food and water in doggie bowls. Maybe they'll make you beg or try to teach you tricks? That's your best guess. It's not exactly your kink but certainly better than swallowing piss.

You arrive at the kitchen on all fours to find Victoria sitting at the head of the large dinner table, the twins on one side and Carmen and Maria at the other side.

She lifts up the tablecloth and motions for you to crawl underneath. You do as your told and once you are under the table you immediately realize that all the women are completely bottomless! come face to face with six chubby penises staring back at you. What a feast for the eyes! 

cucoon and snow man , mushroom, knob

you're under the kitchen table and they have you on leashes and pull you around. Pulling back their foreskin reveals fresh precum they've been building in anticipation of your oral attention. Victoria's dick actually smells nice. The twins smell as bad as Carmen, they really did just go run up and down a basketball court. The teens fight over whose thighs your head would spend time between (phrasing?) You notice that the teenagers have rock hard dicks, like so erect and pointed and throbbing) They spill beans on their dick and ask you to eat it off them. One asks to be excused to go to the restroom and maria says do it right there, from now on he will be taking every drop of liquid that comes from our dicks. One of them is upset that they peed before leavign the soccer game. But maria says don't worry, just drink up! and offers her a refill of lemonade. The adults leave and then the nieces pull your leash out side the table so they can give you a big ol bean burrito fart. “Do you want more beans?” “Nods” “Okay, close your eyes and open your mouth” Pulled down shorts and asshole in the open mouth fart. “Eww Gross!” “Ha ha fucking nerd!” You set out to clean the dishes and as you are her sister comes in and says knees. You quickly drop down as she whips out her dick. You sit htere stunned staring at it waiting for a command but then she slaps you and says Come on! I got to go! The commercials will be over soon. You then pull back her foreskin and take the head of her cock into your mouth and immediately a torrent of piss shoots down your throat. You try your best to keep up with her pace but cannot and some ends up spilling down your cheeks. Maria was right, you do need more practice. Can't wait for my chance to ravage your ass. Maria says it might be worthy of satisfying us.

Right before you finish up kitchen the other twin comes in and says, hey did you want that lemonade? I've got it nice and ready for you.

You pick up on the not so obvious cue and get down on your knees and open your mouth. She whips out her frighteningly shaped sweaty smelly cock, and shoves it deep into your mouth. At the end though she pulls out her willy and pees all over your face. Just marking my territory, tee hee!  

You walk into the living room as the family is gathered together watching something on tv. You walk in and sit down next to the couch. You notice the twins pointing at you and whispering. Then you see Sonia (the one who farted on you and you said gross to) start making noises like she was crying or holding back tears.) Victoria instantly reacts, "Oh my dear Sonia, what's wrong? Que esta mal?"

"*Sniff* Seeing Doug reminded me of how rude he was to me after dinner"

"WHAT?!?!"

"Yeah, I accidentally made an unladylike sound, and Doug called me disgusting/gross, he's so mean to me!"

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

"Hey no that's not what happened she purposefully farted in my face!"

"You're coming with me to the basement!" -Victoria

"WOAH WOAH WOAH Let's all calm down. Relajarse, hermana. The basement's way too much for his first day here. -Maria

"We've got to teach him a lesson!"

"I'll never say anything rude again!"- Doug

"I also accidentally tooted in the kitchen and he reacted with a face that said it was disgusting! It really hurt my feelings."

"I didn't mean to make a face, honest!"- Doug

"Doug, You have to promise to never say anything mean to women of this house, as well as never react to anything we do with anything but a smile. It's very impolite to make faces at ladies, No grimaces, no frowns, nothing! Comprende?"

"See look! He's getting better already! All he needs is time to get used to how things work around here, we don't have to take him to the basement yet!" -Maria

"Okay, Maria. Just this once. I'll let it slide. But if he ever does anything rude or harmful to my girls again, it will be straight to the basement."

Twins whispering and giggling.

"Would Doug be able to sleep in our room tonight?! That way he can make it up to us for hurting our feelings!"

"Yeah! Yeah! And if he's with us we can teach him the proper rules of how to respect women. Pretty please!"

"Well girls, since you did win your big game, I suppose as a reward you can have Doug sleepover in your room tonight as long as it's okay with your mother.

Hooray! " they glare over at you and you remember how gassy they were at the dinner table and cringe at the thought of sleeping in the same room as them.

But first, does anyone else need to use Doug's mouth to pee? He really needs the training. Mentions mean aunt.

You realize that on average people urinate six to eight times a day, and if you are the sole urinal for five hung latino women, that's a lot of time spent swallowing piss.

Oh and Dougie, I was able to contact your familia! Mother says as long as you're in school Monday morning you're welcome to spend the weekend with us!

Part 5 nieces bedroom, Maybe a little girly dress up to begin with. Sleepover with the twins, and they are sure to hold over the fact that their mom will punish you if they report any misbehaving. They start by making you lick their ass, of course they fart into your mouth. While you're licking one ass the other fucks you in the ass, filling you up with her creamy load. Then they immediately switch places and you have to go mouth deep into her ass while they other one fucks you using the first one's jizz as lube.

First position is you eating ass from her behind while the other one takes you doggie style. Second position is you on your back on the bed as one puts there ass in your mouth and the other fucks you missionary. the flick your weiner. Once she cums and now there's two big loads in you they plug you up with a nice pink anal plug. Causing extra discomfort as overnight you just have to deal with their large loads filling up your anal cativity. Maybe they'll call it your easy bake oven. hot. Overnight they fuck and fart, fuck and fuck and fart. fart fart fart fuck fuck fuck. They wake you up and face fuck you like an onahole. pee down your throat. 

They share a bed and you're between them. no windows. Can they make you sleep with their asses in your face? I would love that.

Part 6 Sunday: Your morning duty is to help everyone out with their morning wood. You give some a blowjob, maybe for Victoria she makes you bounce up and down on her cock and spanks your ass. Certainly a quick scene where Carmen unloads into you again. Maybe one of the aunts could be nerdy and could devise a schedule. I love the "Everybody's playtoy" schedule system. "Playtime with Gabriella" History of Victoria, her husband, father of the girls, was an asshole and that's why she hates men. the end.Victoria's husband or whatever ran off on her leaving her to take care of the girls by herself, with the help of family. We're all about togetherness here at the Gomezs. Now she's a man hater. Bayonetta type.

Playtime with Gabriella: She’s an innocent virgin who’s never done it before, but once you start speaking her nerd girl tumblr way, say by dressing up as a dog or something, she does it doggy style with you. Maybe Maria or someone tells her that Doggie dougie loves a dick in his butt. I’ve never used my dick before, I’m not like my sisters. I don’t know how to get that across. Her dick is the biggest of all and even though she’s the sweetest, she takes her role playing seriously so when she breaks your asshole cramming her oversized member in and you beg her to stop she slaps you and says dogs don’t talk!!! She turns into a beast when she discovers what she’s been missing, years of never cumming, today it all changes. her balls unload her lifetime of pent up nerdy jizz into your ass. her immense weight ontop of you forcing you down, breasts laying heavy atop your back. 

Part 7 Janitor help on Monday, i actually have a lot of ideas for this one.

Monday Janitor Day

Maria makes you do all the work but whenever she hears someone coming she has you hide in the garbage can on the cart. Her coworkers toss food poisoning food and puke ontop of you. Eventually you can't stand it and have to get out. They are mean and fuck you silly. Maria comes in and joins in taking ownership of you. They have a happy gangbang with you and tell Maria how you can cut a hole at the top of the plastic trash bin and use it like a gloryhole. So now you get wheeled around in a garbage can sucking maria and and any of her friends off.

You quietly mutter under your breath  "You have got to be kidding me.." Maria then whips in front of you and says "Excuse me?! Did you just talk back to me?"

"I'm sorry, Maria!" You quickly go to grab the clothes from off the pile of day old cafeteria food when Maria grabs the back of your head and forces you face first deep into the wet pile of discarded lunch leftovers. She pulls your head back as you cough and wheeze gasping for air but before you can finish breathing in, she's dunked you back down, giving you a mouth full of garbage. She continues dunking your head in and out as if giving you a viscious swirlie without the toilet bowl, bobbing your head up and down into the wet food bits. Mushy fish sticks, rotten apple slices, old strawberry yogurt, but most prominently is all the spaghetti bits that stick to your face and into your hair.  

"You will never back talk to me, Miho!" She then picks you up by the legs with ease and forces your entire torso down into the mushy rancid mess. She keeps you face first upside down in the garbage bin holding onto your legs, the only part of your body still sticking out of the disgusting heap for a minute before finally releasing you. You wriggle and squirm trying to lift yourself out of the filth, eventually you're able to lower your legs in and use your arms to come up to the surface and get a breath full of fresh air. You then carefully climb out of the trash bin, careful not to knock it over and further upset your beloved Mistress Maria.

"Now what do you say, miho?" she asks in a sweetly condescening tone.

"I'm sorry, Mistress, I will never back talk again." You reply. Maria then eyes you expectantly and you quickly realize you still haven't put on the clothes she wanted you to wear. 

[jugsserpents]

yO may i get a ship pls? i’m the slim thiccest (joking but i am curvy) i just love memes & vine quotes and im very sarcastic.. if you don’t know me i may come off as a bitch, but its just my sense of humor.

DUDE REGGIE.

having full vine convos 24/7 , everyone looking at you weird bc what the fuck did they just say. sending each other memes instead of good morning texts. you two would literally be perfect what the hell. 

[asszawas]

MORE FROM ME IF YOU DON'T MIND.

CRACK WARNING : I HAVENT SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS :")

Dick Grayson

Only eats cereal and coffee

He never has a clue of what he's doing . He's literally the most vulnerable bat family member there . If he didn't have so many sugar daddies and a fucking body he would be dead ngl .

His ass is the universal language ( fuck math )

Crushed all stereotypes of mothers being females . He is literally a MANMOM .

He has the attitude of a real estate agent

He always looks his best with wavy hair . no room for debate

Has student loan debt and works off the books to just survive

You can't tell me this man doesn't get a bikini wax with his suit , you just can't .

lean thicc™

Tim and him fought over gas station coffee once . He won ( only because he threatened to sick damian on him )

Tries to be a family man but literally gets tired of everyone's problems within 5 minutes of entering the house.

A diva but with class y'know ?

He has a lot piercings just to piss off bruce

Cries a LOT

Jason todd

Thiccest boi™

Wine aunt ™

Doesn't care what you do

Has the second most sugar daddies ( dick's richard takes the cake )

ACTS TUFF but he is a smol boi

He created the term " chaotic neutral "

He's just a bad bitch .

Only junk food he eats is chic- fil - a , mcdonalds and 7/11

No seriously he could live off of 7/11 slurpees , pizza , and chicken wings for 2 months

He loves wendy's too but considers it healthy AF

Is the only one capable of taking care of the house when alfred isn't there ( he'll make everyone clean their mess , then clean up the mess they made trying to clean it up . While , cursing them out in every language he knows with fucking love and hip hop atlanta playing in the back )

An almagan of bruce Wayne and frank castle but gayer and with longer hair

this kid just wants to lay down with a mimosa and watch white chicks . GIVE HIM THAT

you cannot tell me this man doesn't get mani - pedis . Why do you think can dodge bullets and shoot a fucking ak-47 within 5 minutes ??? BECAUSE HIS NERVES ARE RELAXED AND HIS CUTICLES ARE REMOVED TF

This man is the only one who is willing to go to a spa and it SHOWS

galaxy slurpees

a hood bitch with vsco girl interests ™

TIM DRAKE

A gamer slut

Plays fort nite and minecraft all the time

Ended belle Delphine's career in one twitch live stream .

this kid lives off adderall

Literally mixes caffeine and adderall

Immune to heart disease

Immune to diabetes

Not immune to depression

This kid Is depressed af

He's always cramping during patrol

Bruce has to carry him on his back

Jason's 7/11 buddy

He eats 7/11 and speedway donuts

Correction he loves them

That's the reason why dick took away robin from him

Has no taste in food

Hates pineapple pizza

Hates supreme pizza

Only likes mushroom and regular pizza

Not allowed to order pizza

His room literally is filled with krispy kreme , chic - fil - a , and chinese cartons

This scares the family so much BC there isn't a chic - fil - a in gotham so ??? Where ?? Does ?? He ?? Get ?? It ??

Gay disaster

He has the mental health of a generation z , with the student loan debt depression of a millennial

Dyes his hair random colors .

Gave himself an industrial piercing thinking he could do it BC he apparently is smarter than batman lol

Mental breakdown thingz

But he's so smart tho

Too bad he spends it trolling people on omegle lmao

Used to troll 8chan & 4chan users .

Has a tumblr

Is in the naruto fandom

Has a nike bookbag bc fuckboi thingz

Did I mention he's very sad ?

DAMIAN WAYNE

His Instagram name is "bitch"

An almagan of jason todd , tony stark and fucking skeletor , but SNOTTIER .

Spends his time on twitter and Instagram

Has so many sucking storytimes bro

His YouTube and twitter are literally fucking fantales

HE HAS SO MANY SUBSCRIBERS

He has a Wikipedia page just for them bro

He doesn't really know what he is doing half of the time and its dicks fault

But also bruces and tims

Barbara and alfred don't know what to do

He told bruce he wanted to be a model and sent the man to the fucking er

His son ?? A model ?? On a runway ?? no ?? What ?? Like sis if he or dick weren't on that runaway HOW TF ??

lmao dick was so proud tho , like " YES MY CHILD "

Jason cried , and damian made a storytime off of that

Owns so many Jordan's I stg

Jason got him into them

Then Jon complimented them and that's it . It was approved gotta keep em coming

will skskskskskskslaughter you

Does everything for the gram

Talia doesn't love him anymore

He got too colonized and it was it.

She said you gotta " sskskskssks tf away "

Bruce is so proud of his now westernized child. LIKE YES COLONIZE URSELF AS A FUCK U TO UR MOTHER

BC divorce court y'know ??

He and jon secretly know the choreography to white chicks and its ON POINT .

Radiates crack bitch energy

Chaotic neutral numbero dos

CASSANDRA CAIN

Instagram model.

Carries the family on her shoulder

Carried bruce to the E. R

carried dick to Planned parenthood

Carried Jason to a free clinic

Carried everyone in the family at least once

Loves her family

doesn't do anything wrong

Hates school tho

She flunked but got a modeling career so 🙇

Also great in ballet

Peaceful

Hates boba tea

Duke is scared of her for that reason.

Like ONLY that reason

Fuck the whole " trained assassin thing " , BITCH U DONT LIKE THE BOBA >:(

has no favorite

That's a lie barbara is her favorite

A humble loving caring top

In a family filled of dramatic bottoms

BRUCE WAYNE

A hoe lol

The justice league is his bitch

He drains oliver queen's credit card even though he has a whole fucking networth

He's the reason why that poor man is always losing his company

" OLIVER ITS NOT A BIG DEAL I JUST BOUGHT A GUCCI PLANE , WHY R U SO MAD >:( "

" bruCE IM WORTH 2.5 BILLION BUCKS AND IM STRUGGLING WITH RENT WHAT THE FUCK / DO YOU MEAN / WHY I'M MAD . IM FUCKING L I V I D "

Always tries to punch clark and cries when he realizes he broke a knuckle

He fucking cried in front of the fucking justice league after trying to clock this man with his WRIST .

Clark was a sad boi tho too

Batman is his Dom persona which always ends up being a sub

Swallowed an egg whole once

This man always has tears dripping from his eyez

" BRUCE ARE U CRYING WHAT HAPPENED :((((( "

" the fuck do you. MEAN IM CRYING , MY EYES ARE JUST DRAINING"

Sleep walks

Randomly passes out in places

A fucking football dad and dance mom combined

His kids have inferiority complexes because of his constant need of being a disappointment .

Bat titties ™

Bat booty ™

Jason and him have a compliation on youtube of them just having emotionally breakdowns BC of each other ( always within a ten foot radius )

Jason and bruce be fighting on who's edgier

" THE OUTSIDERS WALKED FOR UR OUTLAWS COULD RUN "

" bitch our teams aren't even remotely alike besides the fact that we both have ' out ' in our names . fuck salt "

He's 6'0 but he says he's 6'2 BC posturing you know

Kate and him had a fucking kick fight one day during a fucking meeting and it stopped time.

He knows who john mulaney is and constantly references him

" UR NOT TAKING ME TO NO SECONDARY LOCATION"

Jason * sobbing * : " I JUST WANT A NORMAL DAD "

He tries

He has gotten kicked out of so many wayne board meetings because of his need to BE DRAMATIC

Constantly gives Alfreds day offs only to regret it five minutes after

an introduction to the fanon batfamily

Are you new to the DC Batfamily fandom? Or perhaps do you need a refresher on our favorite vigilante disasters? Well, look no further! Here is your holy grail list of the traits/characteristics/cliches we as a fandom have collectively decided to embrace instead of the actual source material. 

Just a quick disclaimer (because people get very passionate about how these characters are portrayed) this is a collection of my headcanons popular on the internet. These are (mostly) in no way canon-correct. 

Let’s start out with the man himself:

BRUCE WAYNE

Has too many kids

Has a problem with adopting small dark-haired children with tragic backstories. It’s literally a compulsion. He cannot stop himself. 

Classic Dad

Doesn’t understand “teen lingo”

Will forget your name

Cannot function by himself (as Bruce)

Can make two dishes correctly: cereal and grilled cheese

Will fall asleep in business meetings

Wears either a three-piece designer suit or no shirt and sweatpants

Many headcanon him as gay.

Valid

My personal option is that he’s a disaster bi

DICK GRAYSON

The cutest child ever created

Robin!Dick is just an endless spout of puns and adorableness

Never grew out of sliding down railings/swinging on chandeliers

Fashion icon but not really

Never lives down Discowing

70s/80s/90s/Early 2000s mashup in every outfit

Simply better with finger stripes

Damian’s real dad

Stop erasing his Romani heritage

BARBARA GORDON

Simply the smartest

Computer science queen

Strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man but at the same time puts up with Dick

Barbara says fuck the joker

Holds one of the two collective braincells

Could and should run the entire GCPD

JASON TODD

One day we all decided that Jay likes Shakespeare more than his family

Literature icon

Destined to be chained to Roy Harper forever

Better with the white hair streak

“fuck y’all; did you die??”

Actual zombie

Needs a dog

Of Latinx descent

fucking crowbars, man

CASSANDRA CAIN

Stop excluding her from fanart??

Sign language and disability icon

The best fighter of the bunch

Fashion icon but like actually

A sweetheart that needs to be protected at all costs

Bruce’s favorite child

Of Asian descent

DUKE THOMAS

Literal ray of sunshine

Also needs to be in more fan content

!!!!!!

Owner of the other collective brain cell

Common. Sense.

Confused but excited

“Um, why is there a turkey in the bat- you know what? Never mind.”

Invented the color yellow

TIM DRAKE

Out of every headcanon, Tim’s being a coffee/caffeine addict is somehow almost universally accepted 

Alfred worries about this kid 24/7

Cursed to always be 17

The detective Robin who is always 20 steps ahead

The N52 Red Robin series is a treasure and the injustice done to it is unacceptable

Needs long hair

Fancast is definitively Ryan Potter

Skateboards

“Drake” superhero name is stupid and we should say it

STEPHANIE BROWN

Purple icon

Bring back waffle-obsessed Steph

If she’s not dating Tim she better be dating Cass

Her Robin career was too short 

Steph said Gay Rights

Somehow at the manor 24/7 when she doesn’t live there

Sometimes the bane of Bruce’s existence

Sassy queen

DAMIAN WAYNE

“TT” every other sentence in fanfiction

(I am guilty of this)

Better when Jon’s his best friend

Stop erasing his Arabic background

“Demon Spawn”

Okay but literally when did this start? I see this in every fanfic.

Always carrying a katana (?)

Dick’s actual son

Somehow I feel like this is controversial but I’m not sure why. Not saying these are all “correct,” they’re just common in the fandom :) hope this helps! feel free to add more tropes/cliches. Thanks for reading!!

COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!!! MSG ME FOR DETAILS :)