#tw: medical squicks

[uncanny-tranny]

transsexual thursday!!!

been on HRT for almost 2 years now (2 years in november) and its going swimmingly. i don't regret it for a moment.

honestly i'm so glad i'm on gel now and not needles. needles suck SO hard. literally the only complaint i've ever had about HRT lmao. though now i briefly smell like rubbing alcohol in the mornings, which isn't a bad tradeoff i think. though i can't pet my cats in the mornings before work :(

I'm sure your cats know how much you love them even if you can't say bye to them before work (not that this changes anything, but I'm so confident they know they're loved <3)!

[rowlfthedog]

i thibk muppet top surgery scars are just like. normal stitches bc yknow. felt

I WAS ACTUALLY JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS. Ok so I wholeheartedly believe that Muppet Surgery can be achieved with supplies from Joann Fabrics. Do you guys know that Teddy Has An Operation video? Classic YouTube? If they aren't entirely just foam and stuffing in-universe it's probably a little bit like that. Kermit drinking milk and blowing out a candle and saying "think about this, friends"...Froggy You Perplex Me...

[exoflash]

Saw this ad today and i cant explain how happy i was to see someone acknowledge disability in their "remember to get vaccinated!" advert. People who can't get vaccines always face so much ableism because we get grouped with anti-vaxxers (ex: being accused of faking it, being told your disability doesn't exist, being told to do it anyways and if you end up in the hospital it's for the greater good, etc) and idk it's just so refreshing. I usually never praise advertisers but as an immune compromised person this made me genuinely so happy

[arcadian-vampire]

[TW for a lot of blood mentions bc I've got a lot of blood and it likes to misbehave apparently]

.

.

Had a new nurse that did Not Know I'm an absolute menace when it comes to bleeding, so she didn't take extra precautions wrapping me up after removing my IV, and I was like sure, okay, maybe that was a one time thing and this'll be fine, but I'll hold a lot of pressure on it juuust in case

I barely make it through the doors to the lobby before I've bled through the gauze and my hand is a lil wet. Like are u kidding me. Is this just a thing that happens now.

Gonna have to start shaking nurses and going Listen To Me. I know you think you know that a lil bit of pressure on a lil bit of gauze and a band-aid is enough to stop the bleeding. And maybe it is for most people! But That Is Not The Case For Me.

[ofallthingsnasty]

this is an embarassing and weird ask but seeing your last ask, who in one piece (or whoever you would like to talk about really) do you think would use enemas? whether it be for their amusement or to punish you. piss enemas or the more traditional kind- anything you want to talk about. i want to hear it!

it's definitely a weird fantasy kink of mine. it's not practical and irl it'd be kind of a squick but in fiction i love it. for me i like forced ones in medical situations or being forced to hold more and more water as a humiliating punishment the best.

Okay, first of all you're going to come closer because I have something to tell you: This is neither weird nor embarrassing and you don't ever have to justify your fantasies on here😭💕Honestly, I love all things anal, it feels good! There is nothing freaky about it, really...

tw. enemas and everything they can include, some noncon, minors dni

Let's start off with Mihawk. He strikes me as a very classic dom, one who really shapes you to his liking, trains you thoroughly, top to bottom - and something like this sounds right up his alley. It's about endurance for him. I would argue that he doesn't find the enema in itself attractive, that it's really all about you showing your devotion for him, to labor through all of that discomfort and sweat to please him. Never mad when you need to break away from the scene - you call the shots, you set the rhythm. But if you do manage to get through your sessions successfully, he'll be more than pleased. He likes his home quiet and you obedient - so to have you sit by his feet while you have to hold it for the amount of time it takes him to either finish his current chapter or his glass of wine is immensely satisfying to him. It's all about obedience and control, in the end.

Then there's Doflamingo. At this point, I'll have to put him into every list I compile because he will force anything on you that has the potential to be fun. For him, at least. He's a piss fiend, largely into making you hold it until you pee yourself - and what aren't enemas if not omorashi with higher stakes? You think pissing yourself is bad, humiliating? Try submitting to that pressing feeling that gets worse and worse and even more tingly while you're well aware of the fact that there will be more than just fluids leaving you if you give in. While he doesn't mind it if you piss yourself on his lap, enemas are a little different - but he'll watch you all the same. It's not going to be consensual and it's not going to be a nice experience for you - imagine all three meters of that man focused on you and your discomfort and desperation, smile taut as a bowstring waiting for you to slip up. You can beg all you want, this little stint ends when you've soiled yourself and he'll get to tut about what a messy little creature you are. And how embarrassing this all is... he thought you were an adult, maybe someone needs to put you in diapers?

And, because you mentioned piss enemas, we'll have to talk about Kid and Arlong. When it comes to this, they're pretty much the same - an enema is both parts laziness (because why use a toilet when they're already inside of you?) and degradation/punishment. There is nothing more to it than that. And if you can't hold it until you can either make it to the next toilet or are allowed to use it, you don't want to know what they'll cook up as means of discipline. (Hint: It's going to make you puke and cry. You better clench as though your life depends on it, trust me.)

[its-short-for-jackalope]

An update for Tinlightenment kickstarter backers who've submitted drawing requests 🙏✨️

~~ and everyone else who follows me, lol ~~

I'm looking forward to making art for all the fun requests I've received, but I'm afraid it might take a little longer than I anticipated. 😅

The short version of this post is that I'm taking a brief hiatus from digital art for health reasons, but I'll be getting back to completing requests as soon as I can. ❤

The long version is under the cut 'cause I'm a rambler. (tw for medical stuff & eyeball discussion. and a drawing of an eye, if that squicks you out.)

Yesterday I found out that I have a ✨️corneal abrasion✨️ on my left eye! 👁

the doctor used some dye and a special light to find the injury and showed it to me in the mirror. this is a sketch of what it looked like, to the best of my memory, because it honestly looked pretty rad and I am not immune to the coolness of (partially) glowing eyes lmao:

...just imagine the green part is actually glowing? I swear it looked cool as hell irl. 😂 might actually draw this digitally later on to render it properly...

Anyway, this lil fucker is why my eye has been Bothering Me for almost two weeks and Really Bothering Me for the last few days, oops. (I thought it was pink eye brought on by a headcold... 🥲) So, quick word of advice, Don't rub your eyes a lot, folks! Apparently you can injure yourself that way, and it is Not Fun. 😬

Anyway, now that I know what's up I'm finally getting it treated. I have eye drops and they're already helping, so yay! ✌🏻

I have to avoid bright lights and eyestrain while my eye heals, so I won't be doing digital art for a while, unfortunately. Not sure for how long, exactly, I have no clue how long it takes a cornea to heal. I've got an appointment with an ophthalmologist in a couple days tho, so maybe I'll find out then. 🙂👍

[ziptiesnfries]

i'm back!! >:D (sort of. still not on my laptop super often, but i am recovering well from my procedure.)

by popular request: i have some post-surgical pics. nothing graphic but might wanna pass if you get squicked out by medical aftermath.

tw for pictures of bruises and bandages under the cut!

they couldn't get the IV in my hand so i wound up with a huge bruise that's still healing a week later :/ for reference, the other hand:

and then they also had to put an IV in my forearm because the inside of my elbows were otherwise occupied (got blood drawn a few days prior, needed to let that heal). there's a bruise from that but it wasn't interesting enough to take a picture of. (also not pictured: a weird bruise in my armpit?? i think that probably happened when i got moved off the operating table.)

bonus: my very first thirst trap /j

i've got four little incisions on my abdomen, and that orangey stuff right below my shirt is actually a stain from where they sterilized the area for the procedure. those stick around for a bit lol. three of the bandages have come off so far, but the incisions are so little they probably wouldn't show up well in a pic.

anyway i might make a post about The Surgery Experience™, but if you've never had surgery and need to do research for writing i'm happy to answer questions!!

[tbb-appreciation-week]

TAGS ARE YOUR BEST FRIENDS

(Updated: June 2024)

Hello there!

In the pursuit of giving the participants tools for tagging their works correctly, thus allowing everyone else to curate their experience, I’ve put a non-comprehensive list of tags together that should be used if they apply to your work, during the event (and afterward, if you want).

There are gazillion other things that could be tagged too, but let’s be honest, it’s impossible to tag warnings for every single squick or trigger of every person in the world. So, I collected a list of the most common ones below. Like I said, this barely scratches the surface. It’s just a small guide for themes and things that you should warn about. If there’s anything else you think it needs tagging in your work, do it, please!

As the title says, tags are the best friends of both writers and readers. Use them to warn and/or block the content you write/read. Not only that! They also serve to finding the content you want to consume! You got the power. Use it!

I classify the tags into broad themes or issues, and then give some examples of specific tags within each theme. Those are just a few examples, not a complete list. Use your judgment to add others if your work requires them.

#️⃣ Explicit Language - For stories with excessive use of curse words

Curse words, foul language, profanity, etc.

#️⃣ Sexual Content - For fics where sexual content is explored and described in detail.

NSFW, Smut, kinks (specify which ones), mild/explicit depiction of sex, etc.

#️⃣ Underage: This is NOT for hand holding and sweet pecks on the cheek. It's for detailed depictions of sexual activity by characters under the age of eighteen.

#️⃣ Mental Health Issues: If your work depicts or implies/mentions the characters' mental/emotional struggles.

Paranoia-Inducing, Intrusive Thoughts, Medication, PTSD, Eating Disorder, suicide ideation, self harm, trauma, etc.

#️⃣ Violence: For stories that contain all kinds of violence.

Graphic Depiction of Violence, (implied/referenced, psychological) torture, gore, (mention of) weapons, (gun, domestic, canon-typical) violence, murder, etc.

#️⃣ Whump: For works that rely heavily on the hurt, and might or might not have comfort, especially when it's physical. Almost always, it goes hand in hand with violence and/or abuse.

Whump, injuries, blood, CPR, darkfic, sick fic, brainwashing, kidnapping, broken bones, etc.

#️⃣ Abuse: For works that mention, imply, and/or depict acts of abuse.

Domestic, physical, psychological, gaslighting, emotional, verbal.

#️⃣ Substances use: For when there's use or abuse of legal or illegal substances.

Mention of drugs/alcohol, recreational drug use, drug/alcohol addition, overdose, etc.

#️⃣ Death: For when the dead of a character is part of your work.

Mention of death, Main character death, side/background character death, Child Death, (implied, notes of) Suicide, Graphic Death, Animal Death, etc.

#️⃣ Type of relationship: Let your readers know what kind of relationship is explored in your work.

Platonic, romantic, x reader, clone shipping, father-daughter relationship, sibling rivalry, friendship, etc.

And the list goes on and on and on…

Now that you have some idea of what to warn about, let me remind you how you should tag your work. Be sure to @ this blog and add the following hashtags:

#tbbaw2024

#the theme of the day and/or #prompt(s) used

#medium (gifset, fic, podcast, fanart, etc.)

#trigger warnings, if applies. (see list above)

#prompt(s) used

#nsfw (only for NSFW content)

#any other relevant tags go here

More recommendations:

Please, don’t, I repeat, DO NOT put “tw” if front or at the end of your warning tag. Why, you ask? Because using just the word or phrase is much simpler for readers to block the thing. It’s because of the way the blocking feature works on Tumblr that blocks only the exact wording and not all the tags containing X or Y or Z word (it sucks, I know. I agree!). Let’s use PTSD as an example. I’ve seen #ptsd, #tw ptsd, #ptsd tw, #tw; ptsd, #tw:ptsd and more. So, you see the problem, right? Instead of just PTSD as a tag, people need to block every iteration of the tag that other people come up with, and that happens with every other single tag. Let keep it simple. That will be easier for everyone.

Tumblr veterans know this, but you should neither censor your tags, replacing letters with numbers or symbols. That takes out the very function of the tag, which is mainly to allow people to avoid topics they don’t like for whatever reason. Nothing of su¡cid3 or unalive, please! This is not TikTok or Insta; here on Tumblr, we tag using the actual words like human beings that we are.

Use Keep Reading break to hide NSFW, violence, substance use and/or dark themes, and tag it properly.

For any piece where the creator pairs the reader with a canon character, please use the tag #x reader alone, without canon characters or modifier for the reader. If you want to include also the specific tag of the character x reader, you can add it. That’s fine. An alternative is specifying what kind of reader is in the post text. Because since the combinations of canon characters and several types of reader is virtually endless, it’s easier for anyone who don’t enjoy reading fics in second-person POV to filter out these fics if writers use a wide-spectrum, nonspecific tag for it. It’s the same problem as with the warning tags.

Likewise, writers who do a piece pairing clones romantically, please tag your work as #clone shipping, so people can block the tag if those works aren't their cup of tea for whatever reason.

Gifmakers, if applies, please tag your gifsets #flashing gif or #flashing lights to warn photosensitive folks about it.

Use #dead dove do not eat for when you go hardcore, very dark, and/or graphic in the themes of your work AND also have tagged everything you're presenting in it, to indicate simply that this fic is clearly labelled and fully warned for, so if you open it, you know what you are getting into. If you heed the tags, then there will be no surprises.

I understand why some writers are wary of tagging some things, fearing spoiling the story among other reasons, but it's better sinning of over tagging than missing a delicate issue that could disturb a large portion of your audience.

But if you're still insisting of not tagging some things, please use Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings if you add your work to the collection on Ao3. As it says on the site's warning help (x): "Use this if you don't want to warn for anything. You may also choose this option if you don't know what you should warn for; if you don't like warning for certain topics or warnings in general; if you want to avoid some spoilers, but not others; etc.". It's a wordy way to say to your readers: "Read at your own risk because there could be unpleasant surprises".

Also, you can add the tag TBBAW2024 while posting on the Ao3 Collection, if you want. This is optional, not mandatory.

And last, but not least, readers, please curate your own experience. Be sure to block the tags AND post content for the things you find disturbing or could trigger you. Take control of what you interact with.

Two more suggestions, even if they're not exactly tagging related: The first one, let’s make art more accessible to disabled folks, so it’d be nice that fan artists (including artists, gifmakers and graphic manipulators) included image descriptions to their works. You can add those both on the web and the app. Just click on the 3 dots that appear in the bottom right corner once you have uploaded your image/gif, then click on Update image description (on the web) or Add Alt text (on the app), and write your description. Also, there's the option to put it directly in the body of your post.

The second one is also using Keep Reading break to shorten the length of your post if it's too long. It's annoying having to scroll down what feels like forever when you're not interested in said post. Also, you can add the tag #long post, if you want.

This turned out to be longer than I expected, so I'll leave it here. If you got suggestions or questions, please contact me through the ask box or chat, either in this blog or on @nimata-beroya.

And remember: tags, tags, TAGS!!!

[catnykit]

🄸🄽🅃🅁🄾🄿🄾🅂🅃

♖☯ 𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠🥀🕳

Hi!!! Cat here :3 I spawned here and im figuring stuff out. Like i dont know what im doing this might be in constant change.

Info about me is in the desc!! I didnt think I would need a intropost but well,Here we are!

some things you might want to know about the blog are:

I constantly join ask games and then completly forget so if youre gonna ask based on an ask game aslo link the ask game pls ♡

I dont exacly have a dni,Just interact with me and we'll see!

I LOVE being tagged or getting asks so if you think anything is from my interest,Or anything that reminded you of me or my ocs,Dont hesitate (Or do hesitate to check for the things i avoid below this first I guess)

(IMPORTANT NOTE: I AM LITERALLY SCARED OF ANY KIND OF IRL HOSTILITY. LIKE. EVEN WHEN ITS NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS ME,IT WILL TRIGGER ME AND UPSET ME. I AM AN EXTREMELY SKITTISH CREATURE. TAKE THIS IN MIND.)(maybe releted to whats below 👇)

This blog is a safe place to ignore reality for a bit or atleast I try to make it as fictional as possible,I'll always tag whenever I consider something is on thin ice but I feel the need to reblog it(Please always tell me if forgot to tag something)

So,Welcome to this strange realm! Here we have cat biology and Angsty whump writing!

(Aka:Beware because there is a lot of fictional yet fucked up untagged work)(aslo just ask me about cat biology i cant find thigs to reblog ᴖ̈)

Thats basically it,In fact,This blog was supposed to be a whump blog is just that I repost all kinds of stuff,Even my hyperfixiations and fandoms sometimes!!! And more! You can even find my random thoughts under #Cat says stuff

Im a writter for fun but I aslo like my tiny witty piece of recognition,So if you like one of my stories,

I BEG YOU,COMMENT ABOUT IT I normally dont have the energy to actually write down my stories,So if you want to see more make sure of atleast leave a keyboard smash for support♡

And finally,Here's my own fucked up whumpy writing! :D (Slow,random updates♡)

🫀▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ 🐈‍⬛█ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁ 🫁

🄼🄰🅂🅃🄴🅁🄿🄾🅂🅃 (yes everything is mixed here)

Writing (mostly whump)ideas:

Whump idea#0 whumpee's by control (old)

whump idea #1【woods+maggots+insanity? Not a good deal.】

Whump idea#2 【THE TORTURE JAR+NONHUMAN GIANT WHUMPER & CARETAKER】

The Original Stories

🅃🄷🄴 🄲🅄🅁🅂🄴 🄾🄵 🄽🄾🅆🄷🄴🅁🄴: MAIN TW: IMPLIED MURDER,PSYCHOLOGICAL WHUMP Deidamia rotari,Better known as The Nowhere Killer,Passes throught all sorts of horrors in this one-shot collection series that the author will upload randomly and if it makes sense or not is independent. This is just the author having fun with an OC and it will NOT be chronological . (It will be numbered anyway to avoid confusion)

(-1) PROLOGUE (MAIN TW: Murder,Labor abuse)

(2) LITTLE LAMP (COMING SORTA SOON)

:D

(More ocs may spawn)

(....or despawn.)

🅵🅾🅻🅻🅾🆆🅸🅽🅶 🅵🅻🅾🅰🆃🅸🅽🅶 🆂🆃🅴🅿🆂(PSEUDO CANCELLED) : MAIN TW: IMPLIED MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

The idea is to see the world in the eyes of a ghost. I dont know if I can put this idea on paper properly,Time will say weird ass hiatus cuz im planning to MAYBE remake this. who knows (not me).

FRAGMENT 1: A POOR DEVIL (MAIN TW: SUICIDAL THEMES,SORTA OLD AND IN NEED OF REMAKE)

🫀▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ 🐈‍⬛█ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁ 🫁

My favorite writing tropes are (In order): EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL WHUMP. WHUMPER(S) BEING HURT/DYNAMIC ROLES(Y'know,Irony.) SELF HARM WHUMP/SUICIDE CHEERFULL/SADISTIC WHUMPER. LAB WHUMP/MEDICAL WHUMP. STOIC/NONLACHANT WHUMPEE. PET WHUMP/CONDITIONED WHUMPEE. COSMIC WHUMP. WHUMPER TURNED CARETAKER(again,dynamic roles.) SPECIFIC WHUMP THINGS I LIKE: STUDY GORE/VIVISECTION N STUFF(ironic cuz my love is between extreme gore and extreme trauma in a constant tug-of-war ♡) suffocation n variarions sensory deprivation hallucinations My squicks are: Nonexistant. yes,Im genuine,Im able to consume everything. BUT only as long as it is not frustrating. And i dont count that as a squick cuz its a "I know it when I see it" situation. My Triggers are: AGAIN,NONE,BUT,I am starting to belive im D*ck repulsed.

♖☯ 𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 🥀🕳

[jittyjames]

hey jami! i'm a new whump writer, and i wanted to ask for some advice if that's alright!

what things should i trigger warn, and how do i make injuries/panic attacks/etc. realistic? also where do you get your ideas from?

adore your fics btw

OOOOO!!! exciting!! welcome to the whump community, angel!! of course, i'll give some advice!! i'm not sure how qualified i am, but i'll share what i do.

i typically try to tw anything that could possibly cause someone distress. of course, there are the obvious ones like death, assault, abuse, etc. but i also make sure to trigger warn things that pertain to mental health (depression, anxiety, ptsd) medical trauma (hospitals, surgery, things like that), anything violent or injuries, and things from the body that could squick people out (blood, vomit). i think if it's not really that present (like if you only mention the world blood once or something) you wouldn't have to tag it, but make sure to tag anything that's major so no one is taken by surprise!! when in doubt, trigger it!

to make things like that realistic (if you've never experienced them personally) doing research on it really helps! knowing a basis of what exactly happens when a certain injury occurs and what things will look like for the whumpee really helps with the flow of writing!! you don't have to be too medically inclined, of course, but having a quick read of an article might help the fic become more engaging and accurate.

i get my ideas from a plethora of things!! sometimes i draw from personal experiences (like my sa, the time i fainted bc i was overworked and not really eating, my mental health, dealing with grief), or just whumpy situations i particularly enjoy (i'm not sure if enjoy is the right word to use, but y'all know what i mean!!) there are also a lot of whump challenges throughout the year like febuwhump, june of doom, whumptober that have long lists of prompts if you need inspiration. consuming other whumpy content of any kind helps with inspo too, but just make sure not to plagiarize!!!

if you ever have any more questions, feel free to hit me up!! but really write what you enjoy!! write what you would like to read, and something you would click if you were scrolling! the only person you need to satisfy is yourself, and that's the best advice i can give!! thank you so much for reading my fics, and i will be looking forward to seeing whatever you publish!! happy writing!!

[strawberry-barista]

{Okay, I really hoped I wouldn't have to make this post, but I think I'm going to have to. TW for health and medical content. Please don't read ahead if you're squicked by hospitals, injuries, animals, etc.}

{TLDR: My mom isn't doing super well so I'm probably not gonna be available much.}

{So the night before last my mom scared her cat and got bit by her. Like, really really deeply. we cleaned it as best as we could and put antibiotic ointment on it, but it doesn't look like that helped much. She ended up developing something that is looking a lot like sepsis? And we had to take her to the hospital last night. It was supposed to only be a 24 hour hookup to IV antibiotics, but the swelling hasn't gone down and the wound hasn't seemed to be responding to the treatment at all. So, uh. Now she's probably going to be in there more like, the whole weekend.}

{I'm not sure what all is going to happen with me. I wasn't here today because I didn't get home last night til like 1 am and had to get up at 5 to wake Sibling for work. So I've just been asleep all day. I'm not sure if I'll end up going into the hospital to stay with her or not, because I still have to think about the dogs, but if I do end up doing that I might not have access to much of anything. I'll be in the hospital room probably just on my phone.}

{And there's still a ton of really stressful stuff happening on top of all of that, so I'm not in the best place mentally in the first place, but this is just the event that's probably going to keep me off of the computer like a lot. I'm not gonna vent here about everything going on right now, but just know I might not have the energy to like, do anything. I'll still try to come by, though.}

{I'm sorry to drop this on everyone out of the blue. I hope you're all hanging in there, and I'll try not to be gone for too long.}

[mostfacinorous]

Stoki Whumptober Day 13: Breathe In, Breathe Out [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12]   

Steve had retreated to the rooms Tony had assigned to him back at the tower. Bucky was next door, washing the grime off while Steve reviewed the tapes that SHIELD had provided of Loki and Bucky’s total destruction of the Hydra facility that had held them. 

He didn’t know how to feel about it. 

On the one hand, the samples they’d taken from him were almost certainly destroyed, and that particular nest of assholes-- specifically the ones who had tortured him and Loki-- had been wiped out. But it was supposedly a SHIELD hospital. How many innocent people had been collateral? 

SHIELD was still working on figuring it out. 

It made Steve feel sick to his stomach. And when he thought back to before the carnage, how Loki had talked him out of his fugue-- 

It was hard to breathe. He could remember all too well the way Loki had looked and acted, aloof, cold, like turning on a switch, he was suddenly just as bad as he’d been at the start, before their uneasy truce and his sometimes occasional good deed that the Avengers tried not to look too far into. 

Steve tried to stand, feeling his throat getting hot and itchy-- almost like he was sick, or going to vomit, or getting ready to cry-- or all three, all at once. 

It felt, really, most like an asthma attack; something he hadn’t felt since gaining over a hundred pounds of muscle and speed healing. 

He collapsed to the ground, hand going to his neck as he felt his airway constricting. 

Panic bubbled up through him, and he choked on nothing, looking for help. 

“Captain Rogers, I wanted to apologize--” 

Loki walked through the door as though he hadn’t been chained up fifty floors below, last Steve saw him, like he belonged here and knew his way around. 

At the moment, Steve didn’t care; he’d never been happier to see him. 

Loki looked shocked, but rushed to his side, and he felt cool, almost cold hands sliding over his throat, looking for the source of the problem. Steve felt his eyes closing. 

“CALL STARK.” Loki demanded, and Steve heard Jarvis respond. He cracked his eyes open and saw a golden light forming under Loki’s hands, flowing into him, and he tried not to be scared-- Loki was helping, wasn’t he? It felt like it. Steve felt a thin stream of air going into his lungs. Not enough, but something. 

And then the door was being broken in, and Tony was aiming his repulsor at Loki, again. 

“The Captain is suffering some kind of delayed effect from his time with Hydra. We must get him breathing, or he’ll die.” Loki spoke quickly and flatly, but some of his concern was still audible. Steve didn’t have time to ponder that. He sat up as best as he could-- and how had he ended up halfway in Loki’s lap?-- and nodded at Tony frantically. 

Tony moved to the wall, opened a panel, and like magic an oxygen tank and mask appeared. 

Tony crouched down and fitted it over Steve’s face. 

“Later, we’re gonna have a talk about how you got out of your cell.” He warned Loki. 

Loki didn’t answer though; his eyes were fixed on Steve. 

“It isn’t enough. We need to open his throat; we need to get air past the inflamed tissue.” 

Steve saw Loki casting around, and he saw when his eye lit on the desk. Loki lunged for it and came back gripping a pen. 

“Woah woah, hold up, you can’t perform an emergency tracheotomy with--” Tony started, but Loki ignored him again and simply murmured an apology before slamming it into Steve’s throat. 

“Fuck.” Tony said, and quickly pulled the mask off, ripping the tube that fed into it out and feeding it through the new hole that Loki had made. 

Steve felt his lungs filling with air, and felt when Tony removed the tube a bit to let the air out. 

“Okay Steve?” Tony asked, and Steve held up a thumbs up, not sure how long they were supposed to do this. 

“Alright. Manage his breaths, I need to go to work on this inflammation. If all goes well, we’ll have you breathing on your own in short order.” Loki was glowing again, and his hands were on Steve’s neck, but this time he didn’t tense at all. 

“How the hell do you know all this?” Tony asked, following directions and giving Steve air and space to let it out again. Steve could feel himself exhaling through his mouth, and he wasn’t losing consciousness, but it was still markedly weird. 

“You think my spells are only good for exploding buildings?” Loki shot back, never shifting his focus from Steve. 

“I have no idea what they pumped into him, but he is reacting severely and badly. It would behoove us to figure it out before such a thing can be weaponized. If he is doing this poorly, imagine yourself, or the Widow…” Loki’s speaking tapered off, and Steve saw him frowning. 

“Yeah?” Tony asked. “And how are we going to do that? Supposing I believe you and this is from Hydra and not you trying to play hero by solving a problem you made, you blew up that whole place! How are we supposed to learn anything from--” 

Steve felt a weird squeezing sensation in his throat, and then felt something moving up and out of it, and into his mouth. He opened up, and Loki floated a liquid out. In the next moment, Steve felt his airway opening back up, and sat up, pulling the tube out with one hand while he plugged the hole in his throat with his other. 

He could feel his healing already going to work on the puncture, but his voice was still creaky when he spoke. 

“That was some fast thinking. Thanks.” He looked between the two men at his side, and wondered, briefly, how the hell they’d come to this. 

Loki shook his head, and retrieved the glass from Steve’s counter, depositing the liquid into it. 

“Here’s your sample to examine. I think the Captain could use some rest.” 

“Steve.” Steve croaked. “You can call me Steve.” 

Loki tilted his head, face unreadable. 

“Steve, then. Let’s get you to bed, Steve.” 

Tony made a strangled noise, but didn’t move to stop them.

[inkykeiji]

tw mentions of blood + needles

i have to get blood taken today and i am 😣😣😣 ughhh i hate hate hate needles so much and i know i’m going to cry because i always cry whenever i have blood taken and i’m just :((( not at all looking forward to it

so to calm myself down i’m trying to think about like,,, bmb dabi taking me and how sweet he’d be; a little teasing, but it would be in that soft, gentle, syrupy voice, telling me i’m gonna be fine and to just relax, he’ll be with me the whole time, and it’ll be over soon, he promises. or even Daddy tomura taking me, babying me with hand holding and tender lil kisses, promising me something yummy or comforting after if i can be a big, brave girl :(

[izzy-b-hands]

Finally realising that I need to add anything re: pregnancy to my block list/filtering on mobile is fine

Less fine is that said realisation hit because I saw something that I would not have ever considered triggering and it immediately made my skin crawl and made me want to like. Idk run. Where? Idk, but my brain saw it and wanted to chose flight out of fight or flight.

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Loves Me, Loves Me Not - Kidge Month Day 3 Prompt Fill Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender Pairing: Kidge; Implied Jidge, Kacxa, Veroneith and Jeith. Summary: Hanahaki Disease!AU in which Keith thinks his affections for Pidge are unrequited due to interactions between she and a certain ace MFE Pilot. Additionally, I used [this] website for the meanings of the flowers I used. TW: Minor Medical Squick, Gore, Blood, Buckets of Angst. Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more.

For all his life, he’d never thought he’d find himself in a situation like the one laid before him. They warned about it in all his health classes, sure, but he’d never really been interested in any of his peers like that, so it became something he shrugged off. He listened and answered the silly little tests flawlessly, but he continued to just coast by. No one would ever be able to keep him enthralled the way that starlight and constellations did, he told himself. No one else would be able to send his heart racing the same way zipping through cybernetic asteroid belts in flight simulations did. No one else would make him feel so awake and alive and completely, irrevocably comfortable in who he was.

Or, rather, that was what he thought when he was young and naive.

Never before had somebody swept into his world and left him as breathless and stunned as Pidge Gunderson did. There was something about what a fiery, determined little spitfire that called to him, as if they were cut from the same cloth. He could go and settle in with her while she worked on a project and enjoy the silence. He could talk to her and gush about this or that model Garrison fighter jet from years of old. She had taught herself how to build incredibly complex, innovative technology using alien parts that no Earthling had ever seen before. She was so smart, and talented, and witty and just unabashedly herself that he couldn’t help himself.

He had no idea that she would end up being his downfall until the crumbling of his towers began.

It started out as feeling a little too warm when he shouldn’t have. When he started sweating more during his basic training sessions, he figured it was more about how his training had taken a back seat during his time recovering from Sendak’s attack.  The conference room, however, was normally kept at a temperature so low it was asinine and their Garrison-issued blazers were a must. But in the last few briefings, he’d found himself feeling a bit on the stuffy side. He would have to leave the collar unbuttoned and exposed to allow him some more cool air, but it didn’t help as much as he would have liked.

As they were leaving their latest update on the movements of the Coalition members, Krolia caught his shoulder and turned him to face her. Just behind her, he could see Shiro standing by, concern etched into both their features."Keith? Is something wrong?”

"I'm fine," He said, rolling his shoulder in hopes of dislodging her grip.

"Are you sure?" Shiro chimed in, stepping forward. Before he could step aside, the other man pressed one hand against his forehead before sucking in a breath. "You're burning up."

He swatted his hand away and let out a small huff, plastering on a half smile. "You’re freaking out over nothing. I've always run higher than normal temperatures. It's part of being half Galra," He pointed out.

Krolia pressed her hand where Shiro’s had been. Her eyes widened, moving from her hand to meet his in wide eyes. "No, Shiro's right. Even by halfling temperatures, you are far too warm,"

He sighed. "It’s probably just a cold or something. I'll take some Tylenol and take it a little easier. It's not a big deal,"

As he turned and walked away, he couldn’t shake the uncertain looks the older two exchanged with each other as he left.

He thought that things would get better if he just ignored everything. He convinced himself that he was just coming down with something. There were a lot of people on the ship and with how stressed he’d been, the idea that he caught a little something along the way seemed plausible. But deep inside, a part of him knew exactly what kind of warning flag the fever was. Especially as, over the next few weeks, his nerves continued to be grated by the lingering sign of everything he wasn’t.

James Griffin, talented up-and-coming MFE pilot, boy scout and natural leader who had everything Keith did, and so much more.

James, unlike Keith, was good about getting along somewhat well even with people he wasn’t always on the best of terms with. He was cool, calm and collected with his position over the other MFEs where Keith, though a bit more composed, still struggled with working with the other Paladins. His frustration with Griffin only escalated when the other was found hovering outside of the hanger after Voltron training, keeping an eye out for a specific Paladin. As soon as Pidge was out, she was darting off with the young Garrison pilot, the pair of them all smiles.

The headache was the next step of his descent, growing worse and worse as Griffin continued poking around.

Shiro cast him a concerned look as he headed out of the hanger, doing his best to ignore Pidge and Griffin’s forms retreating down the corridor to his left, gently rubbing his temples with his index and middle fingers. "Another headache?"

"Yeah," He groaned, closing his eyes tightly. He briefly wondered if the ship lights had always been so glaringly bright before shaking his head and forcing himself to look up at his mentor. "Must be a side effect from dealing with the team. Sure you don't miss that life."

The other cast him a scowl, brows knitting. "You guys may have been a bit energetic and wily, but I never got headaches like this from it," He said, indicating Keith with a flippant wave of his hand. His tone was one of clear displeasure, bordering on anger, and Keith felt his shoulders slump instinctively. "Are you sure it's not something else? Maybe a head cold or something?"

Keith scowled himself, casting a glance in the direction the others had disappeared. "It could also be that the MFE Pilots are always hovering around and distracting everyone during training, which makes things more difficult. Especially Griffin,"

"James? The most I've seen is him trailing along with Pidge and asking her about how the Lions and bayards work and stuff,” He said in slight surprise.

He could feel his blood boil and a tightness in his chest, as if his ribcage was slowly clenching in on his organs. "Exactly! He'll hover outside of the hanger after flight training, or the sparing room while we're running through ground combat scenarios, and it's infuriating!"

"Isn't it good that he understand how Team Voltron functions, though? So he and the other MFEs can be more effective?" He pointed out, eyebrow rising in suspicion.

"Not at the expense of Voltron's success," He bit back out, struggling to take another breath. The tightness in his chest was only get worse the longer they spoke.

"Well, I'll talk with him for you, if you think it's that much of an issue," Shiro said after a small pause.

"Thank you," He gritted out before turning and hurrying off to the infirmary. For as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew something was seriously wrong.

He was halfway to the infirmary when he had to stop, getting dizzy as he struggled from breath. His only saving grace was that Krolia was on board and looking for him at the time. When she saw him, hunched against the wall, scrambling to stay upright and struggling for breath. He had heard her calling his name, blinking blearily and catching glimpses of her between the spots in his vision.

She ended up carrying him there, making sure to be fast and avoid other people.

He was stretched out on a bed with an oxygen tank, waiting until he had regained his breath and settled down a bit to start pressing him with questions. He tried to hedge the truth a little bit, but Krolia was quick to correct the information she was aware of. For as much as he needed help, he didn’t want to have to admit to the truth, to have to face it yet.

An x-ray was done once the three symptoms were made known, the doctor looking at him with pure pity and resignation. It caused a small flare of anger in him but another part of him couldn’t blame him. He knew what the diagnosis would mean.

Listening to the doctor break it all down for his mother, though, felt like a stab to the gut.

"Hana... What now?" Krolia asked, arms crossed and head tilted. She was standing beside his bed, pacing while they awaited the results, but grown still once the doctor returned. He had tried to coerce her to sit for this news, but she refused.

The doctor sighed and flipped through a few pages on his clipboard. "Hanahaki Disease. It's been rather uncommon in recent years since schools began properly educating students about the symptoms, but it still does spring up in a handful of human a year. It does seem to be manifesting differently for him than other patient’s I’ve seen before, though. This is most likely a mutation due to his DNA being a mix of two different alien species, if I were to reason a guess. The flower has started to develop a bud much sooner than anticipated, but it is still rather small and rather benign," He explained, turning the clipboard towards her and allowing her a look.

From around her, Keith could see the dark, twining shape of something growing in his left lung.

She stared at it before looking back at the medic. "What causes this?"

"This disease is a direct response to romantic feelings," He explained, turning the pages back over and jotting something down on the top page.

"Romantic feelings? This never happened with his father," She scoffed in mild disbelief.

"Because the feelings he had for you were reciprocated, yes? Hanahaki Disease is specifically caused by cases in which the patient feels their affections are unrequited, and the pain manifests itself in the form of the disease," He explained. He then motioned towards his head with the pen in his hand. "It starts out as something akin to a cold or flu virus, with fevers and headaches, but the longer it is left alone, the worse it gets. As the x-rays have shown here, the roots and buds of a flower are beginning to take root in his lungs."

A somber look had taken over her features as she listened through the explanation. "So he isn't far along then. Then how much medication will he need for how long to remove this from his system?”

The doctor shook his head a bit."I'm afraid it's not that simple," He said, tucking the clipboard under his arm and cast a sympathetic glance at the bed-bound man. "There are very limited options to deal with this. If he can confess his feelings to the person he is romantically interested in and those feelings are returned, then this will all blow over on its own. If that is not the case, the only option is for us to surgically remove both the flowers as well as the romantic desire for the individual. Surgery is a last resort and incredibly uncommon, though, as the removal of the flower can also remove the patient's ability to feel a romantic connection ever again."

“I don’t want surgery,” Keith managed to wheeze out after a moment. The other turned their attention to him, one in bewilderment and one in curiosity. “I know it might sound dumb but… I don’t want to risk losing my ability to love.”

Krolia shook her head vehemently and turned back to the doctor. “Galra do not operate like this, though. Could that potentially open up other approaches for him?"

“I don’t know. Our research into the effects of human ailments on Galra subjects is practically non-existent. We only came in to contact with your race recently, and it was not under mutually beneficial circumstances,” He admitted. “Additionally, your son is the only human-Galra hybrid known about. He is our only point of reference in a situation such as this. But, considering his reactions to more benign human diseases have leaned more towards the kind of reaction of your average human his age? It would seem the options I have presented would still be the only ones.”

"How can you have no other options, no middle ground between those two? There must be a medication or something to help!”

"I'm sorry," He said quietly, head dipped "but affairs of the heart cannot always be easily managed. There is medication that can help delay the effects of the symptoms some if he would like to explore one of the available treatment options. However, if opts out of confronting the feelings, or if they are not reciprocated, then surgery will be his only option for survival. I wish there were more I could do."

With that said and one final tip of his head, the doctor left the Kogane’s in silence.

A part of Keith could see the gears in his mother’s head turning as she stared from object to object in the room, processing everything that had just been dumped on her. He felt awful, knowing that she was most likely in anguish because of him. He was a terrible son, really, but he couldn’t help how he felt. One of the few things he saw as an admirable trait of his was how deeply he cared about the people around him, how far down his trust went once someone proved they earned it. This extended beyond his romantic endeavors, obviously, but there was something different about his feelings for Pidge. He didn’t want to lose the sense of comfort and happiness he felt when he was with her, didn’t want to lose the ability to feel that again with someone.

The awkward, tense silence continued on for what felt like hours before finally, she took a deep breath and looked at him, golden eyes flashing with determination. "Who is it?" She asked curtly.

"Mom, please," He said with a small sigh. A part of him knew he should have expected this from her but he’d been hoping they could avoid it.

"No, tell me. We are going to get this whole thing taken care of so you can get better," She snapped back, her tone strict.

He growled and glared back at her. "Mom, seriously. Drop it," He hissed.

"Keith, this is serious! You could die!"

"It's not life threatening!"

"Yet! But it will be if you don’t deal with these feelings! And I can't lose you, Keith! You're all I have left!" She pleaded, her anger dying down towards the end, tears starting to catch in the corners of her eyes.

He heart stammered at the sight. She hadn’t broken down like this in front of him before and it gave him pause. For as much as he loved Pidge, a part of him felt it was wrong to rush into this decision. Could he die knowing he would be breaking his mother’s heart in doing so? Or would the risk of the surgery be his better option long term? "I'm not going to die," He said quietly, putting as much conviction into his words as he could muster. "I'm gonna find a way to deal with this without dying or needing the surgery."

“How? Without confessing to whoever it is, how will you do that?” She asked, taking in a trembling breath.

He tore his gaze away from her to fix on the blank canvas of the ceiling. "I don't know yet, but I'll figure something out,"

He ended up spending the rest of the day in the infirmary recovering and was given a prescription for the medicine the doctor mentioned. He started it that night and felt significantly better the next day, able to get back to business as if nothing was wrong. Well, except for when missed his medication one day and woke up spitting petals all over his comforter. The little white petals almost seemed to be daisy petals, which he wouldn’t have been too surprised by, but something about the shape of them seemed off. These ones were a bit longer and more narrow than he recalled daisies to be.

A quick search found they were the petals of a hyacinth flower.

He made sure to stay on top of his medicine after that incident and, for the most part, things for he and the rest of the team returned to normal. With the help of the medicine, he could play his role as the Black Paladin of Voltron, last beacon of justice in the universe, like he needed to. Well, unless Pidge was around. When she was there, it felt like he could feel the roots of the flowers burrowing down deeper into the tissue of his lungs, as if to mock his futile attempts to maintain some sense of normality.

For a few weeks, things were fine. But then they got much, much worse.

It was shortly after their training for the day when it happened. He had noticed that he hadn’t seen Griffin around recently, but there he was, sporting a glare that was keyed in on the Black Paladin. Keith himself rolled his eyes and shifted to move past him, uninterested in dealing with him at the time. A hand shot out and grabbed his forearm, stopping him in his tracks before he could leave, though.

"Hey, Kogane, care to chat?" Griffin asked, cocking his head slightly. Keith opened his mouth to speak but was cut off as the other man continued. "Apparently you have an issue with me talking to the other Paladins."

"I never said that," He huffed gruffly, yanking his arm free of his grip.

"Well, you said something, because Captain Shirogane pulled me aside to lecture me about interrupting training sessions," He snapped back, pivoting on his heels and pursuing him.

Keith didn’t even turn to face him, picking the pace of his steps up a bit to get more distance between them. "All I said was that I thought you hovering around was a distraction to some of the Paladins. I need their full focus while we're running drills and strategies, which is something I would think you could understand as the leader of an elite, exclusive team yourself,” He quipped out flatly.

"And as a leader I am able to command my teammate’s attention without having to blame other people for their distraction," He barked back.

"Unless you think you could lead them better," Keith said while skidding to a stop, turning around and glaring down at the other, “I don't want to hear it."

A small smirk turned up on the other’s lips and he cocked his head back. "I probably could, if I'm already managing to hold their attention better than you can," He said haughtily.

And then, all Keith saw was red.

He wasn’t exactly sure if he just full-on launched himself at James, or if he struck him one good time like the last time the two duked it out, but he still felt incredibly satisfied with himself as they swapped blows. He wasn’t sure when the crowd appeared, circling around them and shouting various exclamations, some of encouragement and some trying to settle them down. It felt strange, in a way, how no one was actively stopping them as his fist collided with James’s right cheek, sending him stumbling to the side. Someone else in the crowd caught him and pushed him back towards Keith, a fire in his dark brown eyes.

But it was movement over James’ shoulder that caused him to briefly freeze, as his own eyes locked with a copper pair wide with surprise.

The distraction was all Griffin needed to land a good hit right on Keith’s nose, the crunch of bone and rush of fluid dribbling down his chin all too familiar. He wheeled around, intending to jump right back into the fray, but had to stop when he saw that Pidge had shoved her way through the crowd. She was in front of Griffin, one hand pressed against his shoulder to keep him from moving past her. He swayed a bit, the uncomfortable crawling feelings in his chest creeping up higher. His vision slowly grew foggy, the distortion getting worse as he tried to blink it away. He could hear Pidge and Griffin arguing, but they sound distant and muffled, as if his head was being held underwater.

She had turned to face him, one hand held up tentatively, when he doubled over and started retching violently.

"What the Hell, Kogane?" Griffin snapped, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him, but froze when he saw the odd mix of bile, blood and pastel pink petals starting to pool on the ground. “Holy shit… Kogane, you…”

“Oh, my God,” Pidge breathed out, voice trembling with fear. Keith wanted to reach out, to tell her that he was going to be just fine, but when he tried to open his mouth to speak again, all that came out were even more petals and blood. He didn’t hear or see her go, but when the latest bout subsided and he tried to regain some of his bearings, he was surrounded and she was gone.

His hearing decided that moment to be when it picked back up on the loud, obnoxious shouts of the officers surrounding him.

"Is he puking flowers?" One person yowled out frantically.

He heard another person actually laugh. "Oh, man! He's got Hanahaki Disease! That totally sucks!"

“Should we get him some water or something?” Another asked more timidly.

“Are you sure he wouldn’t just choke on it?” Another quipped back sarcastically.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing, panic rising inside of him. He could feel his body getting ready to let loose with another round but he didn’t want that. Not with all these eyes leering over him as if he were a spectacle in a freak show.

"What's going on over here? Everyone, back to your assigned stations, now!" Shiro’s voice cut through the white noise like a blade, calling what little sense Keith had left back into himself. He pressed his hands against the wall as he heard the other approaching him, forcing his shaking legs to keep him upright.  He peered up through his bangs at the horrified expression on the others face, taking in the sight of his soiled uniform and pallid complexion. "Keith!"

"S-Shiro," He rasped out shakily, trying so hard to keep all the pain and shake and fear bottled inside. He didn’t want to fall apart there, covered in his own mess in front of a crowd of practically strangers, like some kind of frightened child.

None of them needed to know just how much he really was one, underneath the bravado.

It took Shiro just that little plea before he was wheeling around to the barely-thinning crowd. "Someone send for a medic! Now!" He bellowed, in a tone so unlike him that Keith himself flinched. He then turned back and rushed over, pulling him as close to himself as he could, slinging an arm over his shoulder as he did. "It'll be okay, Keith. Just hang on."

As he was led - or, rather, carried - away, he caught another glance at the pink flowers he’d puked up. He was pretty sure the wide petals were those of a tulip.

Half way to the medical wing he ended up puking up the entirety of a whole a flower, which he knew wasn’t the norm with this illness, and had then had to awkwardly carry it the rest of the way for the medics to look over. He was settled in one of the private medical wing rooms, getting poked and prodded like mad in a matter of minutes. He was asked a myriad of questions that he was both able and completely unable to answer. What type of flowers had he puked up so far? How many incidents had their been? Had there been an exorbitant absence of the object of his affections in his life recently? Was he keeping up with the schedule of his medication? Would he be willing to consider the option of addressing his feelings with this person? Would he like for them to call them up?

Shiro had seemed frantically worried when he refused to answer the question of who, but hadn’t pressed him further.

Shiro, Hunk, Lance and Allura all came to see him as often as they could, despite constantly being busy with this or that. Aside from one time where Lance asked him if there was anything going on between Keith and his sister, Veronica, there hadn’t been any questions about who he was interested in, which he appreciated. Whether it was because Shiro told them not to, or they feared probing too far would only make things worse, he couldn’t really say.

It was through them he got what little tidbits of the most recent going-ons that he could.

A betting pool was going around on the ship as to who it was, exactly, that Keith was interested in. So far, they had whittled things down to just three possibilities; Acxa, Veronica - which explained the question - and James Griffin himself. The idea that it was Griffin had been so horrifying that he nearly let the truth of who he was interested in slip out of sheer outrage. That made absolutely no sense to him at all! How, after getting into a huge fight that ended with him getting a busted nose, could any sensible person on the ship think it was James Griffin he was aching for? 

They made a few jokes about the situation, but none of them told him what kind of reaction the speculation had gotten from Griffin himself. Or, he noticed, what Pidge thought about it. Then again, he hadn’t seen her since the fight. Whether that was for better or worse, he couldn’t say for sure. A small part of him wished that she would come to see him, to give him an answer. Each day, he was getting worse and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He needed to make a move before it was too late.

As if to answer his silent prayers, she finally walked in five days into him being infirmary-bound.

"Hey," She called softly, arms tucked behind her as she carefully shut the door.

His eyes snapped open from where he’d been dozing in and out, as he was prone to doing lately. “H-Hey,” He coughed out, moving to sit up a bit more.

She glanced at him with a small, forced smile as she walked closer. “I’m sorry I didn’t come by to see you sooner. I haven’t been feeling so hot myself, and I didn’t want to, like,” She trailed off, eyes shifting over to the monitors he was hooked up. He had a hunch as to what she was going to say and appreciated her dropping it. After a moment, she shook her head and held one hand out to him, revealing a small, oval-shaped stone in her palm. It was a pale orange color, with small flicks of white peppered along it. "We just stopped by the Balmera to do a check on how they're healing up and to properly introduce them to the rest of the Coalition. It's not much, but I saw this kinda cool rock and thought you might like it."

"Thanks, Pidge," He said with a small chuckle, carefully taking the stone. It was smooth and cool to the touch. After a moment of inspecting it, he set it on the small bedside table.

"Mmhmm," She hummed, standing beside the chair and swaying a bit. He had learned she tended to shift and fidget even more when she was uncomfortable. "So... Hanahaki Disease?"

Ah, there it was. "Yeah," He said, slumping back against the bed. How was he supposed to breach the subject? Just outright admit to everything? Or should he just outright ask her about things with Griffin?

“Some of the younger crew members have started up a betting pool, apparently,”

“I know,”

She shifted again, one arm looping behind her back and rubbing at the other unconsciously. He silently berated himself for not saying something that didn’t completely kill the potential momentum of a conversation. "I... If you don't mind me asking-!"

"I do mind. I just-!” He interrupted her, but was then in turn interrupted by a coughing fit. He felt a pressure at the back of his throat, familiar with what it meant and forcing it to dissipate for just a little longer. He just needed to get the truth out so he could move on.

"O-Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry, I shouldn't have asked," She stammered out, taking a cautious step back. She was trying to run away, worried that she’d upset him and made things worse by being so forward. "Maybe I should go and let you rest."

He reached out and waved a hand at her as he finally managed to get a full, deep breath in. No! I... I want you. To stay. We haven't hung out in a while. Won't be much for conversation. Considering," He pressed out as best as he could.

She blinked and her posture relaxed some, a more genuine smile tipping up on her lips. "You've never been big on conversation, you're just using being sick as an excuse," She teased. Her words sparked a laugh out of him, but it was cut short again as he retched again. It was mostly clumps of blood, but intermingled were the dark blue petals of an all new flower. He could catch her flinching in the peripheral of his eyes. "Oh, my God! Keith! H-Hold on! I'll go get a doctor!"

"P-Pidge," He cried as best as he could, trying to reach out to stop her. He needed to tell her before the fit got too bad, until he didn’t have the chance to.

But she was already at the door, opening it. She peered back at him with wide eyes, filled with fear but also fierce determination. "Hold on, okay? I'll be right back!" She vowed before launching herself from the room. "We need a medic in here now!" She shouted down the hallway, making a dash towards some figure she must have seen.

As he sat there and let the agony of another fit rush through him, he didn’t try to stop himself from sobbing in frustration.

The fit lasted longer than the others and left him so drained afterwards, that he had to be hooked up to an oxygen machine. His consciousness flickered in and out over a passage of time that felt simultaneously like days and minutes, leaving him feeling even more disoriented than he’d ever been. Somewhere along the line, he was coherent enough to overhear the doctor say the blue flowers had been anemone, but he’d flickered back out before he heard them discuss what that meant.

When they finally managed to get him stable enough to make a decision, it wasn’t as hard as he’d thought it’d be.

"I should... Probably pick a new Black Paladin... Huh?" He wheezed out shakily once the doctor left, offering a tired smile to Shiro as he walked in.

"Keith," The older man choked out, voice catching.

Another figure appeared from behind him and Keith could feel the roots wedged inside of him start festering at the sight. "What are you talking about? You... You can have the surgery. You might need time to recover, but Shiro could take charge for the short term while you recover," Pidge said, stepping closer as she spoke, a scowl taking over her features as she looked between them.

He forced himself to look away from her, eyes locking as best as they could on a spot on the ceiling above his head. "No, I... I don't want... To risk it. I don't... Want to lose being… Able… To feel like this,"

She stared at him as if he’d just stricken her. "To feel like what? Like you're dying? Like every breath is miserable and you’ve been gargling dirty pennies? Whoever it is isn't worth this!" She snapped, advancing on him. It reminded him of a long time ago, when he had charged at her like that.

Seeing that spark in her eye and how she refused to back down had probably been when the infatuation had started, he realized.

"Pidge, calm down," Shiro said quietly, reaching out to set a hand on her shoulder and try to delicately direct her away.

She jerked away, having absolutely none of it. "No! He's being a complete moron! Shiro, tell him! Tell him he's making a stupid decision!" She argued, voice growing more frantic.

Keith let his eyes close and took a deep breath, trying to focus on saying what he still had to say. "I think… Griffin would be a good Paladin," He groaned out, wincing as he rolled his head to look at Shiro. "He's got... Leadership experience. Could keep things... In line."

The other looked horrified, realizing why he was rambling on like this. "Keith, no!" He said frantically, reaching over and slamming his hand down on the emergency call button. A red light began flashing outside of Keith’s room and he could hear the blare of the alarm just faintly.

"We don't need a new Paladin, we need you! You can't be replaced!" Pidge nearly screamed, seeming completely hysterical. Keith couldn’t necessarily blame her, even as his focus started to get spotty and he could feel his breathing getting harder. The weight of the final flower rooted in his lungs was getting heavier and heavier, knowing full well that the timer was on the edge of running out.

He faded out for a brief moment, surrounded by medics peering him over and frantically barking at one another. He looked just past them, though, to where he could see a struggle still taking place.

His heart skipped a bit, a small ember burning deep inside, as Shiro tried desperately to lead Pidge out of the room.

"Pidge, clear out! The medical team needs room to work!"

He could only see Shiro’s back, but he could see her face, fat tears running down her cheeks but a furious scowl on her lips as she tried to push her way around the other. "No! I'm not going anywhere until he gets it!" She snapped angrily, her gaze shifting from him to Keith’s. She sucked in a breath and held his gaze for a moment, a new set of tears welling up, before her eyes narrowed and she pointed at him in an almost menacing manner. "You don't get to just leave us like this! Not after everything we've been through together! You can't just leave me here on my own!" She howled.

The flicker in his chest grew a bit brighter, a spark of hope. What was she saying? What did she mean by that? Could… Could it be…?

Her attention shifted back to Shiro as he took hold around her waist and began bodily moving her towards the door. "Let go of me! He needs to know! He doesn't deserve to die like this! Not now!" She grabbed onto the door frame with one hand while the other seized Shiro’s shoulder and used it as leverage to meet his gaze again. "Don't you dare die on me, Keith Kogane! I’ll never forgive you for breaking my heart if you do, you bastard!" She shrieked as she was finally removed, her protests continuing into the hallway but too far for him to hear fully.

Something churned inside of him, his breathing becoming frantic as he churned her words over and over. He would break her heart if he died? So then… She had to feel the same, right? He lurched forward, tossing every ounce of strength he had left in him to sit upright. He had to follow her! He had to tell her the truth! One of the nurses grabbed his shoulders and tried to shove him back down. He shifted away, but then he felt that creeping sensation stir up again.

For a moment, he couldn’t breath at all, something lodged in his throat so tight he thought that he’d die. It was agonizing for what he swore had to be a full minute before he lurched forward and something large, bloody and red fell in his lap with a disgusting, wet plopping noise. He stared at it for a moment, swearing that it had to be his honest-to-God whole heart sitting there before him. It was hard to make out, but attached to it were small, blooming red carnations, seeming almost beautiful intermingled with the mess.

For a moment, all he saw was red, before his body swayed, slumped back, and everything went sheet white and silent.

[tinypiratebastard]

mmmmmbut why is it that doctors always need to examine my HASHTAG intimate areas can I not have idk... a sore elbow.