#tw: emotional co-dependence

[canine-economy]

Daisuke’s Death and the Invisible Abuse of “Privileged” Children

tw: extensive discussions of child emotional abuse

Another mouthwashing text analysis before I post any polished art? Shocker. But I really really appreciate the reception on my Swansea post, especially as a new account! This Daisuke-centric analysis is gonna be a quick one (< this was a lie. long read ahead!) but he is a character who resonates deeply personally with me as a victim of childhood abuse that resembled some of his experiences. I do plan on doing a larger analysis of his character, but the abridged version necessary for this piece goes as follows:

Daisuke’s treatment in the narrative—both his implied home life and Jimmy’s taking advantage of him to go into the vent—is another one of this game’s excellent portrayals of normalized (and thus invisibilized) abuse. Children are often cited as one of the most vulnerable classes of people, if not the most vulnerable (I acknowledge that Daisuke is not a child, but Mouthwashing implies that this narrative of his inadequacy has persisted throughout his upbringing and, to this day, he is dictated tasks and lacks independence, treated like a dependent. His youth is also an undisputed feature of his character and, most importantly, the cast treats him like a kid). Children’s dependency on adults and our willingness as a society to accept that the adults in their lives provide the most objective perspective on these young people renders them particularly prone to abuse easily swept under the rug or “justified” by wardens who possess the power to dictate the narrative. Jimmy’s engagement with Daisuke is an extension of the latter’s vulnerability. The co-pilot’s assertion that “he’ll be fine (…) mommy and daddy have him covered” at the birthday party represents a deference to Daisuke’s parents as adequate caretakers who will ensure his longevity and comfort on the basis of their wealth. And we know that Daisuke’s parents think the same—the Q&As reveal that they believe they are doing the best to secure their son a good future. However, the same Q&As indicate that they don’t actually engage with or understand Daisuke’s interests and that their approach to parenting him is entirely understood through their personal beliefs, not those of their son. And Daisuke clearly carries that quite close to his heart. He seems to struggle with identity and acceptance, seeking validation in the form of praise. Daisuke is defined through what he can do for others and not what he independently brings to the table, because that has never mattered where he grew up. The consequences of his parents’ failure to meet his emotional needs ultimately conditioned Daisuke to be perfectly available to be taken advantage of in a corporate setting defined by capitalist attitudes and hierarchies.

While it’s not concrete to say that Daisuke grew up in an emotionally abusive household, it is most important that we cannot dismiss the possibility and that his behavior as the outcome of some obvious degree of neglect is well-aligned with this theory. Moreover, the young man who comes out of that household is easily targeted by Jimmy’s abusive tendencies as a direct result of what he internalizes growing up. Daisuke is apparently financially well-off (contextually we can’t be sure if Daisuke’s family is upper class, middle class, or somewhere in between), and with that comes privilege. Even the way he packs—multiple personalized outfits, entertainment devices, etc—reveal that he’s used to certain comforts and hasn’t yet acclimated to the harsh expectations of companies like the Pony Express. But, especially where young people are concerned, it is all too easy to allow this privilege to act as a curtain between abuse and the outside world. We can acknowledge the privilege that he undoubtedly enjoys and also recognize that it benefits his parents much more than it benefits him as a young person.

Emotional abuse is complex and extremely damaging and Daisuke *does* show symptoms of at least being constantly verbally accosted and emotionally neglected by his parents to the point of permanently warping his sense of self. It also generated his overreliance on authority figures to tell him how to keep himself safe in their world. His mother apparently insulted him to his face (“such a slacker, she said”, and being reprimanded for being too talkative [from the Daisuke teaser]), and a lot of his negative self talk (“total screw-up”, “fuck up”, etc) is reminiscent of how people define themselves by parroting what they are called after internalizing consistent externally-imposed definitions of their identity. While these are not surefire indicators of abuse and I am not willing to diagnose a situation as abusive purely predicated on these factors, the behaviors Daisuke exhibits as a result share many commonalities with those of victims of childhood abuse. In fact, just about every time Daisuke speaks about himself in Mouthwashing, he mentions his failures and his work. It’s not lost on me that the teaser for the whole character is him pondering his mother and how she might not recognize him if he isn’t noisy and obnoxious. He personally puts a lot of stock in their assessment of him as lazy and annoying, but nevertheless tries to accomplish learning through the internship. Furthermore, Daisuke takes on a lot of his mother’s pain, hoping she doesn’t blame herself for the negative things that happen to him (even though in the same scene he reveals that she’s the reason he’s on the stranded Tulpar at all), indicating that he has taken responsibility for the feelings of people in his life even when those people are not his to care for and even bear responsibility for his pain.

Now in young adulthood, Daisuke rarely seems to have any sense of self beyond his parents and his work aside from one-off quips about baseball and babes. It suggests that he has always had to prioritize his parents’ desires growing up to avoid being treated unfairly and even cruelly, stunting his self-discovery. In abusive situations, your understanding of safety and your pursuit thereof are radically impacted and we see this manifest in Daisuke’s continuing willingness to accept those in command as the pinnacle of safety over what one might consider logical, personal acts of self-preservation. He equates safety with obedience, and I contend that that equivalence suggests a lot about how his parents reprimanded deviance from their plans. And not to be that guy, but it is kind of outright cruel to dump your utterly inexperienced teenager-to-early-20-something on a 1 year, no contact, unsafe space voyage in a failing industry knowing that he doesn’t have the necessary skillset yet. That’s what his parents do when they aren’t satisfied with his progress, and it’s intense and disproportionate and alarming! Especially for the dependent! They toss him into the deep end of the corporate machine and insist he learns to swim in such an oppressive, stifling atmosphere. It’s no surprise that he drowns, especially when he himself can’t recognize this as an unrealistic expectation and tackles it with everything he’s got because his parents are theoretically always right about what he needs. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that normalized emotional abuse from the home and how it maps onto a victim’s adult life is a topic Mouthwashing would endeavor to touch on, because visibilizing invisible abuses of power in heteropatriarchal capitalist schemes is arguably the central undertaking of the game.

I don’t think Daisuke has evil parents or anything, rather that what we accept as “good parenting” and “good mentorship” is often negligent with regard to emotional needs and can easily become a source of heavy trauma for the children and mentees if that emotional aspect is stretched too thin in the pursuit of success. Not all abuse is intentional, and the dev Q&As imply that Daisuke’s parents thought they were sincerely investing in his future. They cared, just not in the best way for his wellbeing. Because capitalism emphasizes the individualistic pursuit of success above all else, it’s no wonder that a parent would think that the best thing they can give their kid is an avenue to prosper financially. But in doing so, Daisuke’s parents deny him the opportunity to define himself, to experience agency, and to build up confidence. Effectively, they create a young man so vulnerable to abuse by higher-ups (a manifestation of abuse that is often intentional at the systemic level) that he decides to climb into that vent at Jimmy’s discretion under the pretense that he will make somebody proud. Because that’s how Daisuke has been raised to understand himself and his place—the presumed screw-up boy as a default, making you proud by doing the right thing, who has learned to pursue that achievement to avoid the condescension and disproportionate backlash (e.g. the internship itself) that comes with failure. Everything circles back to his parents’ expectations that he makes for a good worker. When the cocktail knocks Swansea out, Daisuke makes an offhand comment about getting a bad reference—even in the most dire of circumstances, he can’t stop thinking about their capitalistic expectations for his “good” future.

I find that Daisuke really is such a good subtle portrayal of how parents with resources can get away with emotionally stunting their children because we perceive their ability to put a roof over their heads, food on their plate, etc as adequate parenting and even a privilege for the child when it should be the bare minimum. Jimmy certainly buys into it, and even some of the fandom parrots that, really and truly believing Daisuke is some good-for-nothing kid who doesn’t try hard when all we see is him working, including climbing into the vents to try and help despite not being assigned the work (foam scene, not his death). I find this reception shows how inclined we are to accept those narratives of the privileged child’s inadequacy before we address the parent for not fulfilling a child’s emotional needs, which are just as important if not more than the material.

To wrap this up with a quick discussion of the symbolism of his death in the context of the emotional abuse of children (which is the reason I made this whole post but I can’t talk about this guy without going off): Daisuke getting so badly injured trying to do what’s right is a very physical manifestation of the suffering he was already going through. It is the pain of constantly people-pleasing and of holding it all in when he’s lashed out at. He gets injured at all in the pursuit of appeasing Jimmy and (theoretically) Swansea, both of whom he blindly trusts despite how they treat him because he has always been expected to just adhere to the adults with authority in his life. Being talked down to by them is not new and has never been a reason to question their judgement. Daisuke sees this as a product of his own inadequacy as implied by other people, and not of external cruelty. He was raised not to question the system for fear of repercussions.

Jimmy is perfectly situated to coerce him into a dangerous situation because Daisuke has never been taught to say no. The safest option for a scared child is to trust their mentors, and an adult Daisuke does just that. Even Swansea’s teachings of safety are dismantled by Jimmy’s tactical use of captainhood to break the camel’s back. Authority. Daisuke must always listen to authority. Jimmy knows the vent isn’t safe. Swansea tells him directly and he observes the foam incident (if from a distance). For as much as he acts like he cares about taking responsibility for Daisuke’s safety, his individualistic pursuit of “fixing” things manifests in Jimmy again taking advantage of a vulnerable person on the ship. Jimmy doesn’t reconcile Daisuke’s eagerness to help with lessons on safety like Swansea does, but rather uses it only when it benefits him. Daisuke is taught by his upbringing to accept this kind of treatment—for safety, defer to the leader in the room even if it hurts and you don’t want to do it (just like he didn’t want to be on the Tulpar in the first place).

Then, once the intern is out of the vent and mortally wounded, Jimmy applies the mouthwash (a product to be sold, hauled in the interest of the corporation) to “help” sanitize the wounds. But the sugar content negates medical utility and only worsens the pain. We can interpret this as the application of material privilege, “sweetness”, that wasn’t actually any help at all to solve the deep wounds left by emotional pains. Mouthwash rids you of the bad taste but doesn’t kill all the underlying germs. One could argue further that in this scene, the mouthwash is specifically representative of the Pony Express internship: a rare stepping stone in the corporate hustle gained through privilege and presented as a boon. Like the mouthwash, the internship is imposed on Daisuke to try and “help” him succeed and be better, but it only elevates the pain by irritating the wounds and ends in his agonizing demise. However, this fine-tuned comparison isn’t necessary to my point. I find the broad implications of the mouthwash as an antiseptic immensely representative of parents and caretakers who don’t seem abusive to the outside world but who are actually subversively hurting their children and ultimately conditioning them to be victimized by capitalist attitudes. Our deference to material comforts and corporate opportunities as indicators of wellness renders us blind to where caretakers fail to address the emotional needs of young people. At the end of the day, Daisuke is still killed by the values his parents have instilled in him. It’s always the “captain’s” (literal or figurative) orders that seal the deal and cut off any of his autonomous doubt or dictation (for example, his desire to listen to Swansea and not go in the vent). His parents’ symbolic and saccharine gestures mean very little in the scheme of creating a person who can survive the pressures of the “real world” when malicious actors (JIMMY.) and the capitalist enterprise as a whole bear down on the cracks of an emotionally taxing youth.

A/N: Maybe I’m thinking about all of this too hard, but the beauty of Mouthwashing is that I’m never quite sure that’s the case as this game feels so deliberate. Anyway, as somebody who has clinically diagnosed PTSD stemming from childhood, this has always been a really important analysis to posit and I finally found the time to put it into words. I feel like Daisuke as a symbol is often overlooked by the fandom. He’s enjoyed, yes, but not really broken down like the others are. That diminishing of his importance and his feelings about the situation also feels like a symptom of his age. But that’s neither here nor there—like I said, I believe I could do a much more in-depth analysis of Daisuke as a victim of subtle abuse but this will have to do for now. A lot of my major points have been made, anyway! Perhaps video format would be best for something longer-form. 🌺

[jweekgoji]

Hiii I really like your writings and headcanons, especially the ones with yandere sentinel from TF 1 being a sub and us being a power femdom.id really appreciate it if you could write about yn or us finding sentinel after Megatron kills him and we repair sentinel just for him to be our dedicated servant boy put on a leash his entire life.

If you don't feel comfortable with the request you can ignore it and take your time no pressure! ❤️

Sentinel/Reader [TFO]

tw: dark themes, emotional manipulation, power imbalance, touch starvation/co-dependency, brief description of past trauma, anxiety, mentions of death, injuries, angst, dubcon [at the end], reader gets a little yandere-ish. word count: ~1830. a/n: i like this request so much, hehehe.

When you first saw your leader being ripped apart by one of the iaconian miners, you were devastated and as shocked as everyone else. Waking up early today, getting ready for another, long and tiring day of work only to suddenly learn that the bot you looked up to was lying to everyone for 50 cycles?

It felt so surreal, here you were standing over the Sentinel Prime. Ruler of Iacon City yesterday, and a leftover piece of scrap today. You're still not certain how you feel about him after what happened. Maybe it was a remnant of admiration for him, after all, how much has passed since the fight?

You were probably standing there for a good few minutes, staring down at Sentinel, not a word or a flick of emotion on your face. That was, until you heard heavy footsteps behind you and a large servo placed on your shoulder.

“You don't have to do this, I can take care of him if you want,” Optimus says carefully. For some reason, the young Prime already felt responsible for his people.

There was a brief silence between the two of you before you shook your helm in response. You didn't want to bother Optimus with this, knowing that he had gone through enough for the past few days. This is the least you can do, helping with rebuilding a new Iacon and getting rid of the past.

A soft sigh escapes your lips once Optimus leaves you alone. This wasn't supposed to be so hard, wasn't it? Just pick him up, and then...what else? Does Sentinel, the selfish betrayer of his own kind, deserve some respect even after his death? To bury him might be a too much of a kind gesture from you, considering that he had no kindness for anyone but himself. On the other hand, melting his remnants still doesn't sound right for you.

You would have kept thinking about it for hours, until a brief, almost too light to notice pulsating of a spark under the tips of your digits caught your attention. You pause, in mind an immediate “am I imagining this? was it real?”, it felt like everything just went quiet around you. A soft beat, then another. Despite everything, the spark inside his chamber was still beating.

And so, you decided to take care of him.

It was a miracle that he survived. The impact of his injuries should have left him dead, you swear, no, everyone swear to see the light goes off from his optics. He was dead, there are no possible explanation for him not to stay offline like he supposed to be. Some might consider it a blessing of Primus himself, for you just a pure luck.

Outliving 13 Primes, somehow not getting killed by quintessons during one of the secret meetings, and now you, the bot who decided to let him live, even though ignoring everything might have been the best solution.

After countless days of work, you are finally able to stabilize his systems, fixing up a few dents here and there, probably left after his last fight with the silver bot. For a cogless miner before, that mech was surprisingly strong, you note.

You hold a piece of a small energon cube in the palm of your servo. Was it the right choice? You never tell anyone, not even Optimus about what you have found. You knew Sentinel would be thrown in prison, if lucky, or hunted down by Megatron if the news reached him. No, you already went too far, letting anyone find out about Sentinel would be a huge mistake. That's why you made sure he didn't get to keep his lower half of the body. He should never be able to leave.

When you gently pushed the energon cube into his mouth, letting it slip down his throat, you waited. A second of silence...another few—until his optics begin to shine light blue once again. You open your mouth to start explaining everything, but you are immediately interrupted by a loud “no!” and you have to clamp your servo over his mouth to make him quiet.

The mech in front of you remembers only the last few seconds before he went offline, that burning pain through his whole body is now forever printed in his mind. You can see the genuine fear in his optics, which soon changed into surprise once he processed everything. He wasn't in the center of Iacon. No one, but you were around him.

Only after a good few minutes of soft explaining calmed his raising spark. Sentinel was relieved, after all, there are some loyal worshippers of his who took care of him and repaired him! As you stood in front of the former leader, you made sure to leave no details about everything that happened after. A new Prime was born, and D-16, now well known as Megatron, is one of the future concerns for everyone in Iacon besides quintessons. Even after his «death» Sentinel made sure to leave a huge impact on your lives for cycles and cycles in the future.

“And about...the other part of me?” Sentinel asks, glancing down where his lower half should be before looking back at you.

You go silent for a mere second before a quick “I wasn't able to repair it” excuse slips from your glossa.

Thankfully, he swallows this response rather quickly, and without questioning any further, that smug smirk appears on his face, ready to boss you again. It was amusing at first. In such a position, Sentinel forgets, he's a no Prime anymore, just another cogless bot left at your mercy.

You were merciful enough to let him live in this fantasy, letting him think that he has that control over something, despite how annoying he gets whenever you don't do something immediately. What do you mean you have to leave him? He's Sentinel Prime, you should obey and listen to him!...Please?

Maybe in the back of his mind, he slowly realizes it. He's dependent. He can't live without you, he can't even reach for a cube of an energon for himself without you kindly putting it on the tip of his glossa. If you suddenly decide to leave him, he's all alone. That takes a good sacrifice of his own pride to give you a few signs, angrily growling a “Don't you dare to leave!” or “I am not done with you, come back this instant!”.

When you had to leave today once again, making him suffer in the silence of his own thoughts and a soft humming of mechanisms in this room, he felt insecure. He hates it, waiting and counting the seconds until you finally come back to him. How could you disrespect him like this? Who do you think you are, huh?

“Oh, please, leave then! I don't need you anyway,” Sentinel says proudly, rolling his optics with a slight annoyance hidden in his tone.

He doesn't need your help, if you leave, it would change nothing for him. You're just another nameless bot, the one who supposed to serve and listen to him, after all. If you don't want to do what he says, there will certainly be someone else to replace you. Right?

Then why, why he feels that deep, suffocating feeling every time you leave? When he calls your name over and over again, his tone changes from an authoritative to a weak, pleading one. No, no, no, you wouldn't really leave him, would you? He panics, breathing a little heavy at the realization that there he is, with no one but him in here. He's so, so screwed.

With each passing hour, his anxiety grows even more. From the most ridiculous to the most horrifying scenarios, he can't help but silently plead for your soon return. A constant “come back, please, please come back, you can't just leave me here,” in his thoughts. Sentinel would certainly go insane if it weren't for a soft hiss of an opening door. You were back.

Once you are close to him, he quickly wraps his servos around you, clinging to your frame for a dear life. You can hear him, muttering something under his breath over and over again, and without a need to ask him to repeat his words, you understand everything.

“I would never leave you, Sentinel,” you say softly, placing your servo on the side of his face, only for him to lean into it, as if begging for more.

“Please don't,” he whispers back, his servo moving to the back of your helm, making you lean closer to his height so he could kiss you.

Who would have thought that Sentinel Prime is such a touchstarved mech? Begging someone to notice him? Like you? If only you had known that leaving a poor bot for a good day or two all alone would make him such a sucker for attention, you would have done it much sooner.

And suddenly Sentinel is not that annoying, noisy menace, as you remember. Every soft sound he lets out, every gentle caress and touch of his servos on your frame, feels like a desperate attempt to make you stay. He wants to show you that he's worthy of your time, if only you stay!

Sentinel's hold on you is tight, as he keeps you right next to him, afraid that the moment he lets go, you're going to disappear. Just a mere thought of it makes him whine into the kiss, and he pushes his glossa into your mouth, as if hoping to please you.

The moment you pull away from him, Sentinel grips tighter, mewling a soft “no”, a look of desperation in his optics. You can't help but feel a pang of satisfaction from it. How couldn't you, when you have someone who is always so needy of your attention? Always looking forward to the moment you come back?

At this point, he doesn't care what he has to do to keep you with him for another minute or two. The old, commanding and cruel part of him is so ashamed of what he has become. Any other good day in past, you would already be mining energon and hoping for a better future, and he would be a king, just like he was supposed to.

“Please, use me, however you want just— just don't go,” he pleads once again, his servos tightening around your wrists, wanting and needing you closer.

And how can you really tell him no if he asks you so, so nicely today?

You only nod gently at his another plead, placing your servo on top of his helm to gently nudge him lower and to position him between your thighs. Sentinel was so great with every word of his speeches that it's no surprise that he certainly knows how to use his own tongue.

[neurodivergent-and-mentally-ill]

TW: Yandere shit, probably dead dove, don't read under this cut if you can't handle gore or manipulations or mentions of, well, death.

I got the definitions from a friend who copied them from I don't really know where, but I think it's someone from Tumblr.

Types of yanderes:

Clingy:

This Yandere type is too emotionally dependent on their Darling. They’re emotionally fragile; requiring constant attention and support. They’re the type to constantly phone and text their Darling, and they can feel overwhelmed if the subject of their clinginess isn’t around. They work to insert themselves into their beloved’s personal life and become very angry when their Darling is not available to them. Their smothering is draining.

Obsessive:

This Yandere type is fixated; their Darling is the only thing on their mind, and it’s taking over. The obsessive Yandere is a prisoner to their own thoughts. Their obsession leads to poor eating, sleeping habits and withdrawal from society. They’re the type to spend so much time fantasizing about the relationship they could have and how it might evolve: that first meeting, a rescue scenario, being the one person their Darling trusts with their most intimate secrets, an instant bond and connection, sexual fantasies, etc. This is typically the type stalkers fall into.

Possessive:

This Yandere type needs to own and dominate their Darling. They become aggressive if their ownership is threatened and grow angry if their Darling makes independent decisions. They want the Darling utterly dependent on them and they will remove all of their safety nets to do so: friends and family members who support them, financial assets and savings, much-needed resources, etc. 

Manipulative:

This Yandere type will exercise unscrupulous control and influence over their Darling. This is the type of Yandere were their relationship with their Darling will appear normal. If their Darling is already in a relationship, they will use a position of trust to create wedges between in that relationship. And once they are together, the Yandere will do everything to stop them from leaving, from encouraging co-dependence to using their Darling’s secrets and weaknesses against them.

Overprotective:

This Yandere type is inclined to safeguard, shield, or carefully supervise their Darling to an obsessive degree. They never leave their Darling alone, and they don’t know how to balance their concern with respect for their Darling’s independence and freedom. They believe they’re acting in their beloved’s best interest, but they come across as overbearing, bossy, or controlling.

Sadistic:

This Yandere type will intentionally cause suffering by bringing about emotional or physical harm to their Darling and will derive pleasure from doing so. They’re the type to spreading rumors and lies about their Darling to isolate them. Or let their Darling escape only to dash their hopes by re-capturing them. They’re fascinated with the physical, mental, and emotional limitations of their Darling and how to reach them. They just want to watch their beloved squirm under their control.

Delusional:

This Yandere type holds the belief or impressions that their Darling already loves them, which is typically contradicted by reality. They take their Darling’s actions the wrong way; if they do something out of kindness, the Yandere will think it’s out of love. If their Darling says they don’t love the Yandere, they’ll think it’s all lies, or they’re Darling is just shy. Their love distorts the reality they perceive. 

Self-indulgent:

This Yandere type wants to be worshipped by their Darling. They’re selfish, satisfying their own desires and whims without restraint. They act according to what they want rather than thinking of what’s best for themselves or others. They want their Darling to pamper them and often express impatience when gratification is delayed. They have a “me first” attitude and become disgruntled when having to do something that isn’t on their agenda.

Impulsive:

This Yandere type acts on desires, whims, or inclination without forethought, which makes them one of the more dangerous ones. They act in response to their emotions and don’t always think about how their actions can affect others. They are also prone to erratic mood changes, overreacting, outbursts, kidnapping, murder and the list goes on. A positive side would be their transparency; they tend not to think before thinking, so they tend to be honest.

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HEARTSLABYUL

🌹🌹🌹

Name: Riddle Rosehearts

Class: 2-E

Type: Pretty obvious, but Riddle is an Overprotective Yandere. He will dictate your every move because he believes that he knows what's best for you. 

Scale from 1-10: Not gonna lie, with the mommy issues and his strict, unrelenting personality, he'd be a 8/10. The only reason he isn't a 10 is because he doesn't want to be exactly like his mom. Sure he'd basically never let you out of his sight, but he wouldn't hurt you. Riddle would restrain you, at most, by putting a collar with a lead around your neck at all times. See how caring he is?

Whether he would kill: Absolutely, if it means you'll listen to his rules.

Whether he would share: Maybe, just maybe, with Trey. Other than him? NO. 

How much freedom you are allowed: He doesn't want unruly troublemakers like Ace or Grim around you, so you'll probably be put on a schedule much like how he keeps one for himself.

Habits: Brushing your hair (if you have any), dressing you up, feeding you small cakes.

Escape attempt (successful): "NO! Nononono, I can't lose my rose! I'll find you, and when I do, I'll strip you of your thorns once and for all! You'll have no choice but to stay with me! I'll never let you out of my sight again!"

Escape attempt (failed): "Ha! Oh, how careless of you, rosebud! You thought you could escape from the Queen of Hearts? For your treason, it's OFF WITH YOUR HEAD- ah... no, I could never hurt you... it must have been those rulebreakers who put such thoughts in your head!"

♣️♣️♣️

Name: Trey Clover

Class: 3-E

Type: Manipulative all the way. He's highly intelligent and with his signature spell, anything you eat could be laced with a potion of some sort that might influence how you see him and/or other people.

Scale: Trey is not a character I'm all too familiar with, but since he's using stuff to mess with our brains, he's getting put at a sold 9/10.

Whether he would kill: He could kill. With his spell, no matter what kind of autopsy they do on the body, they won't find a damn thing. And he makes sure you know of this. But in reality, he probably wouldn't. Probably.

Whether he would share: Although he isn't one to get jealous or violent easily, that doesn't mean he's willing to share.

How much freedom you are allowed: It would depend on your behavior and how dependent you are to him. If you're deep into his manipulations, you might not want to leave his side due to his intoxicated sweets.

Habits: Feeding you, kissing the top of your head, rubbing your thighs.

Escape attempt (successful): "Oh dear... it seems my rabbit has fled. I'll need to bring them home before they get hurt and feed them something that'll ensure they have a good night's rest."

Escape attempt (fail): "Where are you going, dear? You haven't even touched your dinner. No, no, it's not safe for you to go alone. Why don't I bring you something that will make you forget about this silly self-dependency?"

♦️♦️♦️

Name: Cater Diamond

Class: 3-B

Type: Clingy-Obsessive. Cater would stalk you constantly, has a wall with your pictures, and probably has a couple of your items, but nothing too bad like your underwear. It's easy for him to keep an eye at you 24/7 because of his unique magic, which allows him to make clones of himself. He needs your constant validation and attention like a whiny puppy.

Scale: Honestly, Cater is about a 5/10. He won't hurt you, but he would hurt himself if you ever tried to leave. He has his clones to keep an eye on you and he's more likely to break into your house to cuddle with you, rather than 'punish' you for looking at other people.

Whether he would kill: No, he'd more likely ruin their social life to keep a person away from you.

Whether he would share: He doesn't really want to give your attention up for another person, but if it would make you happy and if it was someone he was comfortable around, I guess.

How much freedom you are allowed: You are allowed complete freedom, but that's only because he can find you at any given time.

Habits: Taking erotic pictures of you, randomly pulling you toward him in hugs.

Escape attempt (successful): "B-babe? Where are you?! Babe!" *sobs and calls you, but goes straight to voicemail and leaves this*. "If you leave me, I'm going to kill myself! I'll drive off the bridge! And I'll let the entire world know that it's your fault!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Where are you going, baby? Y-you're not leaving me, right? You can't! I'll follow you wherever you go! I'll treat you better than anyone else ever could and if you plan on leaving, I'm going to slit my wrists!"

❤❤❤

Name: Ace Trappola

Class: 1-A

Type: Ace, despite always trying to push his work on others, is actually very smart and knows how to play people. He'd probably be another manipulative one, but with a sprinkle of possessiveness. Not too much, just to the point where you understand that you are Ace's.

Scale: 6/10 like Trey, although Ace would actually leave a couple bruises if you piss him off, but nothing more than that.

Whether he would kill: Unlikely. If he was really pissed off, he'd probably beat you instead and would choke you out for a good couple minutes before letting go and dragging you to his place to clean you up, apologize, gaslight you, etc.

Whether he would share: Nah. Ace is a greedy little shit, he don't want no one getting handsy with you.

How much freedom you are allowed: Enough for classes, since you share most of them, but other than his time at basketball practice and games, he's with you.

Habits: Putting an arm on your shoulder to remind you who's boss, hug you from behind.

Escape attempt (successful): "Where the fuck are you?! If you think that someone other than me is going to love you the way you are, you're WRONG! So just come home now and I promise I won't be too mad. After all, I'm the only one who cares about a nobody like you."

Escape attempt (fail): Slap! "Did you really think that you could run away from me?! You fucking idiot, I'm way more athletic than an average chump like you! What, you thought that someone would take you in out of pity? Not a chance. Don't worry though, I'll never stray from you."

♠️♠️♠️

Name: Deuce Spade

Class: 1-A

Type: Impulsive Overprotector. He thinks everyone is a potential threat to you and flies off the handle if someone so much as rolls their eyes at you.

Scale: 7/10

Whether he would kill: No, but he could- and would -definitely send people to the hospital.

Whether he would share: Nope! Big no! Any potential partner addition you bring will leave your place as minced meat.

How much freedom you are allowed: Deuce does not want to hurt you at all if he can help it, so you can go anywhere as long as he can go with you. When in familiar places, like NRC, he's less prone to jealousy and won't tail you. Same goes for when you're with friends. He knows you won't cheat because he will send whoever you've been seeing to the emergency room.

Habits: Loves cuddling, going for rides together in his blastcycle, and overall just enjoys your company. He's a simple man.

Escape attempt (successful): "Shit! Prefect, come back! It's not safe for a weakling like you, damn it! I'll get you back safe and sound in my arms even if it means breaking a couple bones. That'll teach you to run from your guardian!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Where the hell do you think you're going? You're seeing him again?! I'll break his face if you leave this room! Oh? You want to stay and watch a movie with me instead? Good idea."

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SAVANACLAW

🦁🦁🦁

Name: Leona Kingscholar

Class: 3-A

Type: Leona would be a hell-spawn mix of possessive, manipulative, and self-indulgent. Yup. Being rich and crazy does something to ya.

Scale: 10/10. Leona would spare no expense to get you and control you. Being a prince, he'd easily use money to his advantage and force you to be financially dependent on him and he'd basically treat you like a toy, but also expect you to indulge in his every whim and fancy. He would want you to worship him and praise him constantly.

Whether he would kill: Absolutely if it means getting you in his claws.

Whether he would share: Absolutely not! And if you look at someone too long, poof! They're turned to sand.

How much freedom you are allowed: Zero freedom, almost zero privacy. No showers alone, no changing without him, no sleeping alone. You can guess the ONE thing you can do alone.

Habits: Grabbing your ass out of nowhere just because he can. It don't matter if people are around, what the hell are they gonna say to a prince? He probably has a public or semi-public kink. And because he's a cat, maybe a piss kink too- (tbh, I don't understand why people find it hot, but I'm not one to kinkshame here)

Escape attempt (successful): "Stupid mouse... do they even realize that I let them leave? Oh, the look on their pretty face is going to be so sweet when they realize that they were played. Heh. Until then, I'll take a nap. Maybe they'll come crawlin' back on their own. It's not like they have anything to their name."

Escape attempt (fail): "Poor little mouse, got yourself cornered without making it past the bedroom door. Let me tell you a little secret; you aren't goin' back home. And if you try to leave again, your friends will become nothing more than a few sandbags, got it? Good. Come lay down before I break your legs."

🍩🍩🍩

Name: Ruggie Bucchi

Class: 2-B

Type: Manipulative and obsessive. Maybe he'll just hang out with you, but oh no, the guy you hate was making fun of you. Somehow, the dude ends up paralyzed from the waist down after jumping off the balcony on the third story.

Scale: 9/10. He's smart and hard to pin down with evidence since he doesn't leave any. Even if you wanted to run away, with his signature spell, you can't. Like it or not, he's your problem now. And you'd be wise to ensure he gets enough attention or he might just shorten your circle of friends.

Whether he would kill: It wouldn't be his first option, but if needed, then yes. 

Whether he would share: Sure, but if the other person gets too bold, Ruggie would cut them out for good. He would probably only share with Leona, but only if Leona helps keep you in place.

How much freedom you are allowed: Considering that Ruggie is far more athletic than you, he has his signature spell, and that he could also just sniff you out, you're allowed a great deal of freedom.

Habits: Burying his face in your neck, asking for head rubs, very touchy-feely.

Escape attempt (successful): "Hah! I won't let you slip away! You're the only one who saw past where I came from! You're not escaping that easy. Time to find out just how hard this hyena can bite, Prefect!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Shishishi! Seeing you try to run away when I can just make you dance my dance is funny! Why don't you laugh with me? Aw, why'd ya stop running? Something the matter? Shishishi..."​​​​​​

🐺🐺🐺

Name: Jack Howl

Class: 1-B

Type: Overprotective-possessive. Like Deuce, he can and will hospitalize somebody, but unlike Deuce, Jack won't snap at random folk giving you a side eye.

Scale: 7/10. He would absolutely beat up someone who made you mad or hurt and probably worse than Deuce. He's much more possessive though. When it comes to trusted friends, not so much, but anyone else? They get a death-glare. And ain't no one wants to mess with a wolf that could break their neck just by squeezing his hand.

Whether he would kill: Only if someone severely hurt you or tried to physically take you from him. 

Whether he would share: Small chance. He's possessive not because he wants to own you or anything, he just doesn't want anyone else to be near you. Wolf instincts or something.

How much freedom you are allowed: Generally, he wants to be near you as much as possible. Wolves are pack animals and beastmen did evolve from the animal they take after, so the instinct that you two need to be together at all times runs strong. Not much time for yourself, really.

Habits: Sniffing you, licking your throat/neck, surprisingly clingy sleeper.

Escape attempt (successful): "GRR! You think you can just run from me?! I'll sniff you out faster than you can blink! Especially when I UNLEASH THE BEAST!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Goin' somewhere? Nah, you're not doin' that- you want to leave me? Fat fucking chance." Picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. "We're gonna go back inside. Stop squirmin' around so much before I break your legs!" (he wouldn't actually)

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OCTAVINELLE

🐙🐙🐙

Name: Azul Ashengrotto

Class: 2-C

Type: Another manipulative mix. He's smart when it comes to people, almost terrifyingly so, but he's also very clingy. He needs you to be around him 24/7 or he'll lose his shit. Probably forced you into a contract one way or another. He'd gaslight you pretty bad, but he'd also worship you to make you think that he's the only one who cares about you. He might also be a little delusional.

Scale: 9/10

Whether he would kill: Azul would say, "coincidence is not correlation."

Whether he would share: Honestly, pulling this boy out of the yandere hat would pretty much guarantee you're getting the Leech twins as well.

How much freedom you are allowed: Between the three of the Octrio? Little to none. But hey, at least you might get some privacy if Azul makes you sign a contract to prevent you from running.

Habits: Probably likes to have you sit in his lap while he's working in his office, dress you up, take long baths together, another cuddle bug.

Escape attempt (successful): "Ha... HAHAHAHAHA! You actually managed to tear up that contract and run! Hah... this won't do. Not. At. All. I'll hide you away from the rest of the world when I get my tentacles on you. You'll never see the light of day again at the bottom of the fucking ocean!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Oh, treasure. How silly of you to try and run! I didn't make you sign that contract for nothing. I have your location at all times, so next time you try something like this, I'll have the twins break your legs. Or better yet, how about I take your legs and trade them for a lovely tail, hm? Let's make a deal."

🍄🍄🍄

Name: Jade Leech

Class: 2-E

Type: Sadistic. This motherfucker would use whips, degrade you in the worst way possible, had a blood kink and probably gets turned on by your tears.

Scale: Most people would think that Floyd would be the more dangerous one, but they're wrong. Jade is a 10/10. I believe that he loves seeing you cry because in the Coral Sea, you can't see tears. Therefore he's fascinated by them. Lucky for you that Azul can just magic your scars away with a deal.

Whether he would kill: Again, can you prove it was him? Hm? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Whether he would share: Again, buy one, get two free with the Octrio.

How much freedom you are allowed: He'd probably give you lots of freedom if only to enjoy stalking you while you were unaware.

Habits: Serving you (whatever you're thinking is right), feeding you his weird ass mushrooms, because he's got the whole butler vibe going on, he loves forcing you into maid outfits (gender doesn't matter).

Escape attempt (successful): "Oya, the latest report on my beloved says- what?! How did they manage to run away? Pfft- clever little minnow, swimming between the cracks of the contract. How fun, this game. I'll have you begging on your knees in no time."

Escape attempt (fail): "Come out, come out wherever you are~ I know you're hiding here somewhere. You couldn't have gotten far with Floyd guarding the exit. Little Pearl, I'll make your punishment light if you come out now... no? Nothing? Good. I like it better when you're begging me to stop anyway." Silence. Then a gloved hand covers your mouth from behind you. "Found you~"

🦐🦐🦐

Name: Floyd Leech

Class: 2-D

Type: Despite what you may think, he's not a sadist like his brother. He's completely impulsive in his actions and prone to violence, but he won't go out of his way to see you tremble underneath him or anything. Unless he was in the mood for that kind of thing. It really depends on his mood.

Scale: Anywhere from a 7 to a 10/10. Some days he might just squeeze and bruise your bones in a very loveable hug, other days... you're getting dragged around by your tie or collar, choked out for pissing him off, bitten all over your body, or maybe he just wants to cuddle for five consecutive hours.

Whether he would kill: Yes and he'd want everyone to know. Jade and Azul hide the evidence and body and/or blackmail whoever they need to.

Whether he would share: If he was in a good mood, yeah, but if he's in a I'm-never-gonna-let-you-leave-my-bed mood, not so much.

How much freedom you are allowed: Depends on how fast you are-

Habits: Literally just picking you up and carrying you around like a doll.

Escape attempt (successful): "Where did Koebi-chan go? I was kinda feelin' down, but a game is the perfect way to go! A game where if I catch Koebi-chan, I'll squeeze them 'til their bones crack and break their legs! Ahahaha! They'll never think about leaving me again!"

Escape attempt (fail): Sigh. "This is no fun, Shrimpy! I'm in the mood for tag, not hide 'n seek!" CRASH! A table is thrown close to where you were hiding, making you back away, the smallest of rustles made. "Oya? Did I scare ya, shrimpy? That's cute. I guess I'll just have to close my eyes and count from one to ten. If you make it out the door, you're free. Ready? One... two... TEN!" You barely had time to stand up, much less run as he went straight from two to ten. "Gotcha~"

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SCARABIA

☀️🌞☀️

Name: Kalim Al-Asim

Class: 2-A

Type: Completely delusional and clingy. He genuinely believes that you love him, you just need to be pampered more. You'll stop fighting if he gets you enough jewels, right?

Scale: Pretty mild, maybe a 4/10. I mean, he won't let you out of his sight and he's the heir to one of, if not the, richest families in the world, so you're not leaving him and he may chain you with a long lead to let you 'adapt to your surroundings', but he would never hurt you. Nor would he let anyone else hurt you.

Whether he would kill: The thought would never even cross his mind. 

Whether he would share: Why would he? He's basically a prince (I know he's not actually one) that has everything he could ever want, why would he start sharing now? Except with Jamil.

How much freedom you are allowed: You can have anything, go anywhere, as long as Kalim and his guards are with you.

Habits: Humming while cuddling you, dancing with you, touching you in some way or form, always hugging you.

Escape attempt (successful): "Guards! Please find my sunshine! Spare no expense, I just want them found and safe! I-I..." Sob. "I promise to be better next time, to give them more attention! So much that they'll never want to leave again!"

Escape attempt (fail): "S-Sunshine, where are you going? I... I don't think I can give you that. I can give you anything else though! I'm sorry, but I think I need to have my guards chain you again. D-don't cry, I promise I won't hurt you! If you don't want that, then maybe a talk with Jamil will help."

🐍🐍🐍

Name: Jamil Viper

Class: 2-C

Type: If you've finished the fourth book, it's pretty obvious that he's a manipulative asshole and because he's used to sharing everything with Kalim, you are his most prized possession that Kalim will never touch. I love him, I really do, but you're gonna be under his control all day, every day.

Scale: 8/10

Whether he would kill: Jamil? Kill? It's not his fault the other people you were talking to killed themselves.

Whether he would share: You are the one damn thing he won't share.

How much freedom you are allowed: Under his unique magic, you won't want to leave his side.

Habits: Making you serve him.

Escape attempt (successful): "A-AGH! NO! You can't leave me! You're mine, my diamond! I didn't want to get that starry-eyed dimwit involved, but you leave me no choice! I'll use my magic on Kalim and get him to initiate a search for you country-wide!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Darling, is there a reason you haven't been looking at my face today? Did the spell wear off? Oh, don't worry; you'll be back to feeling those beautiful emotions again. After all, you love me, right?" You don't get a chance to move before Jamil grabs your face and forces you to look at him, that half second you look into his eyes before closing your own costing you dearly. "Snake charmer."

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POMEFIORE

👑👑👑

Name: Vil Schoenheit

Class: 3-C

Type: Tell me I'm wrong, but Vil would be self-indulgent. He'd put you under a curse (since that's his specialty) and make you adore him. Might be overprotective too. He probably doesn't want anyone to 'taint your purity' or whatever.

Scale: 10/10. What? He tried to murder, or at least curse, Neige, don't tell me this boy ain't a walking inferiority-superiority complex.

Whether he would kill: Uhhh, SCD anyone? Yeah. Vil would.

Whether he would share: Not in a million years. 

How much freedom you are allowed: LMAO, YOU FUCKING WISH!

Habits: Obviously also very touchy, he would dress you to match with him, make you do his skincare routine, force you to bathe together, but he probably won't be as strict about your diet. Only because he doesn't want your crying about losing your favorite snacks to ruin your makeup.

Escape attempt (successful): "Tsk. They must have broken the curse somehow. Or maybe it was one of their nasty little friends. Oh, well. I guess it's time to use something a little... stronger. Let's see you try to run when the only thing in your head is ME!"

Escape attempt (fail): "My cute little potato, trying to run. Before you go, do tell me how much you enjoy this perfume!" Sprays a bottle of perfume he had inflicted a curse onto. "Poor potato, to drop onto the ground so ungracefully. You can't feel your limbs? Darling, you're not supposed to! I'll fix you right up with a cup of tea. It's a special blend, meant to invoke your suppressed desires for me. We'll go back to that picture perfect power couple soon enough."

🏹🏹🏹

Name: Rook Hunt

Class: 3-A

Type: Impulsive and obsessive. This man is, uh, he's something.

Scale: 9/10. He doesn't really want to hurt you physically, but oh how he loves chasing you. And the look on your face when he finds your newest hiding spot? It sends a rush through his body. He also loves 'viewing' you in your 'natural habitat'. Y'know, like a stalker.

Whether he would kill: He prefers the term 'hunting'.

Whether he would share: Sure, if they can take you from him. But even Leona is afraid of this guy while Malleus actively avoids him, so who tf is gonna snatch you back?

How much freedom you are allowed: The freedom you get is when you run. Then he inevitably finds you and ties you up. I don't know, this man is kinky af, okay?

Habits: Like Cater, he has a wall of photos of you. I feel like he'd let you run off on purpose, then he'd hunt you down, or wait until you get caught in one of his traps he set up. Probably has a pet play kink. 

Escape attempt (successful): "My, my... little trickster has certainly lived up to their name! I can't seem to find them anywhere! I suppose it's time to pull out the very last trick in my book! Come, let’s see you try to outrun me. I See You. I'll track you down, one way or another."

Escape attempt (fail): "Got yourself strung up by one of my nets, I see! Ah, perhaps steel was too strong for a magic-less person, I can see where the wiring had cut into your skin. No matter, you're still beautiful to me! In fact, these new scars liken you to a tiger! I'll get you down and we'll have a nice evening game, if you still want to leave. Non? You don't wish to run anymore? Merveilleux! We shall stay in tonight!"

🍎☠️🍎

Name: Epel Felmier

Class: 1-B

Type: Epel was difficult to pinpoint, ngl. I decided that him being an impulsive and clingy yandere fit best, but he's not all that emotionally fragile, so idk. Lmk in the comments if you have better ideas, I guess.

Scale: 2/10. He wants your attention and he loves the feeling of security he gets from being around you, gets a little jelly when you look at other people, but as long as you reassure him that you love him, he'll back off. Might be a little manipulative since he'll probably use his looks to charm and sway you.

Whether he would kill: I could imagine him threatening someone with a cast iron pan like Rapunzel, but killing someone? Nah.

Whether he would share: Just because he's not all aggro does not make him a good yandere. He ain't sharing y'all.

How much freedom you are allowed: Tbh, he'd ask Rook to keep an eye on you when he can't.

Habits: Despite his looks, he's a strong farm boy and I strongly believe he's be able to live a six foot something man over his shoulders easily, so I guess you guys are getting piggybacks for life. He probably wouldn't even break a sweat, lol.

Escape attempt (successful): "Do ya think I'm just some apple pickin' munchkin?! I ain't letting go of ya, even if it means putting you to sleep for eternity! When I find ya, your gonna get one helluva throwdown!"

Escape attempt (fail): "Sugar, are you going somewhere? I don't believe that's proper- huh? You're leaving me?! I don't think so, sugar! I'll be damned if ya think about rollin' around with one of those uptight city folk! Mah family's gonna want to meetcha! Close your eyes, still your breath. Crimson Slumber!"

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IGNIHYDE

💙💀💙

Name: Idia Shroud

Class: 3-B

Type: We already KNOW we got another obsessive stalker on our hands. He's probably super clingy too when he finally picks his balls up from the floor to sniggety snatch you into his fortress. AKA, his room or the Isle of Woe. Probably has a pair of your underwear to jerk off into.

Scale: Idia, since his family is at least as rich as Kalim's, is standing at a solid 8.5/10 if only for the fact that he can make you disappear without a trace.

Whether he would kill: He tried to reset the entire damn world. Can he kill? Bitch, he can fucking genocide.

Whether he would share: It's just gonna be you and his cosplay fetishes for the rest of your life.

How much freedom you are allowed: He's like a touch-starved rabid dog, you ain't got a chance to so much as breathe alone.

Habits: Dude has a whole ass closet of all the skanky cosplays he's gonna put you in LMFAO. 

Escape attempt (successful): "NOOOOOO! I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE ME!" Red flames surrounded him, a burst of fury in physical form. "I'LL FIND YOU! THERE'S NOT A DAMN PLACE IN THE WORLD WHERE YOU CAN HIDE IN THAT S.T.Y.X WON'T REACH!"

Escape attempt (fail): "P-Prefect, why are you trying to leave? I can get you anything you want or if you want to go places, I can just have a replica set up here! There's no reason to l-leave! Besides, I already have our entire future planned out! I got rid of those lame ass side characters just for you!"

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DIASOMNIA

🐉🐉🐉

Name: Malleus Draconia

Class: 3-D

Type: Obviously possessive as all FUCK because he's a dragon fae prince guy dude. Yes, I typed that on purpose.

Scale: 10/10 and I swear if I have to explain why, I'm gonna burst a blood vessel. 

Whether he would kill: No shit, Sherlock. Hell, he'd probably burn the world down just to see you smile.

Whether he would share: You look at someone: they instantly die. They look at you: they instantly die. You sneeze in someone's general direction: they die. That sums up how very generous Tsunotarou is.

How much freedom you are allowed: What's freedom? Never heard of this bitch :D

Habits: Dunno, he probably has a marking kink or a bondage kink or something. I feel like he just needs to have you close by, or lightning will strike the nearest child.

Escape attempt (successful): "FIND THEM BEFORE I DISEMBOWL YOU ALL!" A very furious prince was causing a hurricane with just his anger, making it difficult for you to run. Lightning struck too close for comfort before the wind was knocked out of you as you were thrown back by the blast. "Child of man, hear me speak; should you decide to keep this foolishness up, I will have no choice but to strike you down. You are mine!"

Escape attempt (fail): You ran through a forest, successfully leaving the castle somehow. Then, a crushing pressure surrounded you, making it hard for you to breathe, and you soon realized that it was because you were trapped underneath the talons of a smoking dragon. "You are coming back now and will never leave my sight again. Should you attempt this once more, I will set fire to the entirety of Sage Island."

🦇🦇🦇

Name: Lilia Vanrouge

Class: 3-E

Type: Impulsive, a little sadistic, and definitely obsessed with you. (I am too, you look fine as hell, dear readers-)

Scale: Although it would depend on his whims, the number's aren't too flexible. 8-9/10.

Whether he would kill: Bro's gone to war and back, why the everloving fuck are you asking that? Of course pookie will kill for you!

Whether he would share: Solid nope. 

How much freedom you are allowed: Like Rook, he lives for the chase. He's probably let you be free (when he's not clinging to your side) just to mock you, then snatch you right up when you're expecting it the least.

Habits: Scaring you, probably likes tying you up as well, DEFINITELY bites your neck, might brand you-

Escape attempt (successful): "Khee hee! What fun, this game! I haven't felt this young in centuries! I wonder what kind of expression you'll make this time when I find you? Perhaps you'll start crying? Or try to fight me again? Maybe I'll let you run a little longer, just for the fun of it."

Escape attempt (fail): "Pfft- ahahahaha! The way you screamed when I grabbed you is so delightful!" Almost comically strong arms wrap around your waist from behind. "I have a new toy for you to try. I'm sure you'll enjoy this as much as I do this time."

⚔️💤⚔️

Name: Silver

Class: 2-A

Type: Lowkey would be delusional. I mean, hear me out. He saw you "once upon a dream" or some shit like that and now believes you're his soulmate pookie bear.

Scale: Silver has been training his entire life, so he's actually pretty strong, but like- he falls asleep and you can just like, leave. I mean, he'll just find you again or stalk you in your dreams until you go crazy and come back to him, but you get it. 5/10. He won't hurt you, at least.

Whether he would kill: I feel like he could, but he won't.

Whether he would share: I'm not sure, actually. I feel like no, he wouldn't.

How much freedom you are allowed: Depends. Maybe he'll ask Lilia to keep an eye on you.

Habits: BIG DEATH CUDDLER. Will NOT let go at night.

Escape attempt (successful): "Beloved? Where have you gone? Father, my beloved has fled! Please see if you can track them down while I check nearby! I'll be in the stables preparing my horse if you hear anything sooner than my departure!"

Escape attempt (fail): You hadn't slept in days and were on the verge of collapse. You feared that you would dream of your current location, so you refused to sleep. Your legs gave out from underneath you as you treaded along in the vast forests of Briar Valley and your vision blackened. Before you completely surrendered your consciousness, you saw familiar eyes and silver hair stand before you. "Father was right. There would be no struggle if I waited until you had exhausted yourself."

⚡💚⚡

Name: Sebek Zigvolt

Class: 1-D

Type: Overprotective. Listen, having Sebek as a yandere means that you're now his Malleus. Except that unlike Malleus, who can just teleport away, you're never gonna be able to shake this son of a bitch off.

Scale: 7/10. He would NEVER hurt you, but you are gonna have one hell of a time trying to go anywhere alone. He won't stop you from going places since he's basically licking your boots, but he would draw his sword in a heartbeat against any 'threats'. cough- your friends -cough.

Whether he would kill: Honestly, if you told him to kill someone, he would. If you didn't? Unlikely he would go that far on his own.

Whether he would share: No, just... no. Not even with Malleus.

How much freedom you are allowed: He'd guard you while you were in the bathroom, shitting, FROM THE INSIDE. Freedom my ass.

Habits: Bowing to you, kissing the back of your hand, he'd definitely be much 'softer' with you.

Escape attempt (successful): "DAMMIT! MY LIEGE, YOU MUSTN'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!" Sebek, furious, was heading to the doghouse to get his hounds to track your scent. There were FAR too many dangers for you to go alone. A sudden thought formed. "My liege... must have been taken! I'll bring you back, don't worry!"

Escape attempt (fail): "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! I- yes, I'll lower my voice... but I simply can not follow through with this order! Apologies, but I fear you are not in the right state of mind to ask me to stay home! I'm afraid I will have to detain you in your room until you come to your senses."

[errriiie]

And you got me wanting you

shauna shipman x fem!reader minors DNI, all characters are 18 y.o

TW: smut, fake relationships, co-dependent relationships (?) extra tags: porn with plot, praising, degrading, possessiveness, strap-on (r! receiving) fingering (r! receiving), oral (shauna! receiving) word count: 4k not proofread english is not writer's first language! Shauna is fighting with Jackie, her best friend, about her latest breakup with her boyfriend, and her repressed emotions come out in an attempt to get back at Jackie by dating someone. So she chooses the least obvious person - quiet, inconspicuous, "in your own mind" you. But she couldn't expect to fall in love with you and get attached to you. And when Shauna gets attached to someone, she doesn't intend to let go.

The story of your relationship began when Shauna had a fight with her best friend Jackie, and she wanted badly to find someone to be her tool of “revenge” to make Jackie jealous. You were that tool.

At one point Shauna, in the middle of the school day, simply walked up to you standing at your locker and, trying to feign indifference, said. “I need your help. I know we don't hang out, but no one but you can help me.” But Shauna's face flushed brightly as soon as you looked at her. You hadn't even asked what exactly you needed help with and you'd already agreed. Shauna frankly didn't understand why you did it this way and not the other, but you didn't refuse even when she, already surprised and embarrassed, told you all the details of her little idea.

"I need... a girl." began Shauna, and there was no trace of her former equanimity left. "I mean, a girlfriend. Because Jackie is insufferable. She's constantly going back and forth with Sadecki, and lately she's been incredibly cranky and I can't take it anymore. We had a huge fight and I just need something to teach her a lesson, you know?"

Shauna looked at you with a look of seriousness.

The corners of your lips turned upward and you couldn't help but chuckle. "What's so funny?" she asked glumly. "Okay, I knew I shouldn't have approached you, just forget it."

"Wait!" you immediately sounded alarmed. Shauna seemed satisfied with that. "Do you want us to have a fake relationship or something?"

Shauna averted her gaze and shrugged uncertainly. She seemed surprised by such a direct question on such a topic, but you hit the bullseye. "Maybe." she answered evasively.

"I don't mind." you said without even thinking. "When do we start? You'll need to tell me in detail the whole idea of your little revenge on your best friend." Shauna wrinkled her nose slightly when you voiced what she had told you before. Apparently, it didn't sound as good out of your mouth as she thought it did. But there was nowhere to retreat to, and Jackie was really acting just awful. Shauna just wanted something that Jackie didn't have and something that Jackie could never take away from her, if only because Shauna wasn't even in love with you. And you weren't in love with Shauna.

What could have gone wrong?

It was less than two days into your ‘relationship’ when Jackie found out. And oh, she was furious. When Shauna, whom you'd kindly allowed into your flat ‘for the sake of plausibility’, came to you and told you, with real triumph and victory, what had happened, you couldn't quite share it: Shauna's idea had seemed rather silly to you from the start, but you'd had fun with it.

"I told Lottie about it at our training session. About our relationship." Shauna said, pacing back and forth across your room. "Lottie?" You frowned, trying to remember who Lottie was. You weren't very familiar with the Yellowjackets. You were a quiet one, after all.

"Charlotte Matthews." Shauna asked, not without raising an eyebrow, and you felt stupid. "She asked... asked what happened between me and Jackie, because she was acting weird. She's the captain of the team, so she shouldn't be getting emotional."

"You told her on purpose?" You asked, just to be sure.

"Of course. I wouldn't tell anyone not on purpose. I didn't even have time to get her response before I caught Jackie's eyes on me, and my god, she looked so confused! It was unspeakable, I hope you ever realize what it's like to see Jackie Taylor like that. I've noticed Jackie's playing worse than usual at practice. I always notice when Jackie's worse than usual. And we didn't even have time to really separate after practice before Jackie gave me a real scandal about our relationship in my car while I drove her home.’

"And what did she say?" you ask, biting your lip slightly anxiously. This whole situation wasn't really making you particularly happy. What if it was dangerous for you? You were completely unremarkable and leading a quiet high school life preparing for graduation. You really didn't want a popular girl messing up your life because her friend got someone else's attention instead. "It's not a big deal. Something about how I might not have told her about finding a relationship, why it was you, how long I've been hiding our relationship from her, and how many other secrets are behind my back." Shauna rolled her eyes, shrugging lightly. She looked at you appraisingly and your emotions were very easy to read. You were always like an open book. "What is it? You don't look so good. Doesn't that make you happy?"

"No, no, it's just..." you started and Shauna sat down on the bed next to you, looking at you intently. She was clearly studying your emotions. "That's all... exactly safe for me?"

Shauna couldn't resist a slight smirk, as if that was the stupidest question you could ask. "Of course it is. Jackie only knows how to bark. She can't really hurt anyone."

You shrugged. "Okay, I'll believe it. But... if she found out so quickly, and you, by all rights, seem quite happy with the outcome... doesn't that mean our fake relationship has come to an end?" you asked.

Shauna looked at you thoughtfully before looking away. Here we go again: as soon as her strong emotions of elation passed Shauna closed in on herself again. She had always been unpredictable. You even liked it. "Actually..." she began surprisingly quietly. "Hanging out with you these past couple of days has been good. I mean, not bad. And I'd like us to continue. Oh, and besides, Jackie's not completely stupid sometimes and would easily realize we were just pretending if we broke up straight away."

You couldn't help but smile slightly at how obvious Shauna was being. And it made your chest feel warm.

"Yeah, you're right, of course..." you began, sounding even a little flippant, as if you were downplaying the real meaning of Shauna's words. "It makes sense. So let's really be a couple for a little while longer. By the way, I read that novel you recommended to me. Wuthering Heights."

For a second you even thought you saw something gleam in Shauna's eyes. "Really? Impressive." Shauna even sat closer to you. "We need to discuss everything you read."

A smile appeared on your face when you asked the question. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to show you exactly where your opinion is wrong." It turned out that this was not the last time you read what Shauna recommended. A couple of times you tried to read some of the teen pulp romances, but Shauna judged you for it every time, and she wasn't kidding. Shauna had principles, but you couldn't help but respect her for it.

At first, Shauna began to control your literary environment, and then moved on to music, movies, hobbies, social circle and everything else that concerned you. You continued the "fake relationship", but now the people around you believed in you more and more every day and couldn't help but be surprised by it. Only Jackie seemed to have some doubts, but you quickly discovered that for some reason, Shauna was no longer interested in this.

Shauna in general became much quieter and more like the one you knew after achieving her goal of emotional revenge on Jackie with your help. But you liked it and Shauna did not seem like a different person. She seemed like herself even if you did not know who she was on the inside before.

You still knew little about what she was like on the inside. But you had been completely captivated by her in less than a month. Shauna had shaken out of you every detail of your emotional experiences, fears about exams, problems with family, friends, siblings and everything that worried you. But at the same time, nothing reprehensible ever showed on her face, no words of condemnation slipped out of her mouth.

To say that you were attached to her in the strongest way, emotionally: to say nothing. And Shauna knew it. When something went wrong in her friendship with Jackie, she always came to tell you about it. She was not inclined to do this: she always used her journal to write down all her worries and dissatisfactions.

But now that you were here, her girlfriend, she could not resist the temptation to take advantage of your kindness. But because of this, Shauna herself became attached to you. It was rare for Shauna, but when she realized she was truly in love with you, she wanted to tie you to her. Just a little.

Somehow she knew you would have finished this job for her. Shauna was already in your head. She just needed to push you. One night, Shauna started touching herself while thinking about you. She only discovered it when she pushed two fingers deep inside herself, felt how wet she was from thinking about you, and how quickly she came, imagining you in front of her in the most interesting way for her at the moment: defenseless, vulnerable, and naive. Shauna thought that you had always been like that for her. That was how she felt about you. And she came while thinking about it. It was a trigger for her. She was already in love with you, so you just had to sleep together.

So the next day, she caught you at school, where you had agreed to hang out at your house for a while (your parents were constantly traveling to some vacation spots, in short, they lived their middle years as freely as they could, not counting you). After class, you walked home, as Shauna was dropping Jackie off, but Shauna still came to you pretty quickly, you were already waiting for her.

"Hey, Shipman."

"Hello." She greeted back, smiling meekly. You couldn't help but chuckle as you closed the door behind you. "Let's not just stand there, I have something important to do."

"Hm?" You looked at Shauna questioningly, closing the door with a loud click. "Is this... something to do with me?"

"What do you think?" She narrowed her eyes before nodding reluctantly. Shauna wasn't one for obvious questions, she was never known for her patience. You liked that about her, too. Didn't you, who could wait for hours, and she, who would blow things up at the first opportunity, complement each other perfectly?

Part of you sometimes wished that your fake relationship was real. Sometimes you didn't even realize the extent of your affection for Shauna Shipman. You walk quickly into your room, Shauna sits down on the bed and looks at you with an unreadable gaze for a moment. She seems to enjoy your confusion for a moment before she begins:

"We should have sex."

"Yeah...what?" you were so stunned that you almost missed the entire point of the sentence. "Wait, wait... fuck, what?" you stared at her in pure surprise. Part of you literally screamed at you to start undressing, but it was so stupid that you simply resisted it. "Why?"

"Well, you see," Shauna looked at her fingers carefully, avoiding eye contact. "Jackie still thinks we're dating. She talks about sex with Jeff a lot, and today she asked me if we've had sex. I didn't say anything, but she was clearly suspicious. If we don't want to ruin our story so early..."

"But Shauna, we started this fake relationship over a month ago.

She gave you a death glare and you quickly shut up. "If we don't want to ruin our story so early," she continued. "Then we need to do this. Do you understand how important this is?"

You trailed off, unsure of what to say. It seemed so weird, but... maybe it was worth it

"No." You said before you could think. "Shauna, I'm sorry, but... we're not even really dating. If we were a real couple, that would be different, but you can just, I don't know, make something up, right?"

Shauna paused, considering your words. You waited for her answer as if you were on the scaffold: any wrong move and the executioner would chop off your head.

But Shauna just looked at you, and her hands were on your cheeks so fast that you didn't even have time to realize it, and she pulled your face to hers by the chin. You couldn't even breathe. Oh my god, this was too much for your pubescent teenage loser mind.

"You said that if we were a real couple, that would be different. Did I get that right?" Shauna asked this in a stern voice, and you couldn't do anything but nod in response. "Great. Then right now you become my real girlfriend." Shauna says it so casually, as if this is not the first time she has done this. All you can do is try to be indignant and awkwardly ask:

"What about my opinion?"

Shauna frowns as if you said something terrible. She pushes you onto the bed and hovers over you, pinning your arms by your sides. "You don't look like you mind. In fact, you've looked like you even wanted us to date for a long time now. Am I right?"

You're silent, your cheeks noticeably pink, and Shauna can't help but smirk. "I'm definitely right. And I want you for real. And I want you. Do you mind?"

You're silent. It's like you've gone numb and you'll never be able to say a word again. You don't know why, but your thighs are instinctively squeezing together. Shauna is literally sitting on them, and she can definitely feel it.

"I knew it." She said shortly. Her lips quickly covered yours. Shauna's tongue is so fucking wet and her lips are soft and plump, you've never felt anything like it in your life, and you can't resist, your barrier crumbling as you let her into your mouth, her tongue demandingly intertwining with yours, she nibbles your bottom lip not roughly but gently, and with every smacking sound between your lips and hers, you become less able to resist.

Not that you wanted to resist to begin with. When Shauna was sure that your saliva in your mouth was mixed enough for her to feel that she had the right to possess your damn mouth, she moved to your neck. You still didn't understand if Shauna liked leaving bites, but she caressed your neck and collarbones with light bites, pulling the skin with her teeth and sucking in those places where the skin was the most tender and pale. She obviously expected to be remembered by you. But you couldn't forget her even at night.

You didn't really want to be left out and your hands reached for the collar of her flannel shirt, but she quickly hissed at you, stopping you. "No. You can't do that yet. Just relax, okay?" you nodded vigorously, agreeing with everything she told you. Shauna decided not to bother with undressing you. Perhaps her desire to fuck you and quickly call you hers was so strong that she simply lifted your bra and shirt up, allowing herself to look at your tits as much as she wanted. She didn't care about the size, and you couldn't help but enjoy the predatory look she demonstrated. She quickly fell on one nipple, taking it in her mouth, and rolled the other between her fingers and you couldn't help but feel how your panties were getting wet while she teased you, forcing you to focus on her again and again, while her lips, as if created for such work, circled and sucked your chest, licking it with incredible devotion and even allowing herself to bite your nipples.

"Ouch! S-Shauna!" you screamed in a painful half-moan, Shauna's name was lost somewhere in your whining sigh, while she growled with satisfaction, playing with your chest like a kitten with a ball of thread.

While her mouth was distracting you, her hands unzipped your pants and clumsily pulled them down to about halfway around your thighs. Her fingers stroked the damp fabric of your panties, pressing against your neat clit through them, making you moan, unable to move your legs properly due to Shauna sitting on top of you.

"You're so wet already. Such a pretty girl for me. Does that turn you on, huh? When your wet fantasies come true." At that moment, it was unclear to whom Shauna was talking: to you or to herself, but you just nodded desperately, unable to deny what was said. You felt like you were already at the limit.

"I'm going to take off these panties and fuck you." She whispers deep and possessive, you can't help but moan excitedly in anticipation. "Too bad I don't have anything but my fingers today, but I promise I'll take care of that, okay baby?"

"N-nightstand... second compartment." You mumbled and Shauna raised an eyebrow in confusion. She took a moment to analyze your rambling words before reluctantly reaching for the nightstand and opening the second compartment to reveal a strap-on. Her face went through a gamut of emotions, from disbelief to aroused surprise. She set the strap-on down on the bed, her fingers immediately pulling your panties down.

"You're such a dirty little pervert, aren't you? You know how hard these are to find, right? And you still got something like that and keep it in such a visible place?" Shauna clearly isn't holding back in her attempts to tease you, and you whine pitifully until two of Shauna's fingers slide into your entrance at once, causing you to cry out in pleasure. They felt like they were touching you from the inside.

"You're impressive, oh my god, fuck, so soft and wet..." Shauna let out a soft whine as her fingers fucked you, the slick, wet sounds and moans filling your bedroom. "Both of them inside you at once, huh? You've obviously been practicing this thing." She nodded at the strap-on.

"A couple of times..." You mumbled, not realizing that Shauna had asked a rhetorical question. "Only alone." But you said what Shauna wanted to hear.

"Good girl. And such a good slut. You've been preparing for me like this, haven't you? Have you ever fantasized about me taking you like this, fucking you and giving you my unconditional attention?" Shauna's smugness oozed out, the fingers of her other hand casually playing with your nipple while the other hand, between her legs, fucks you.

"Good girl. And such a good slut. You've been preparing yourself for me like this, haven't you? Have you ever fantasized about me taking you like this, fucking you and giving you my unconditional attention?" Shauna's smug expression oozes, the fingers of her other hand casually playing with your nipple while her other hand, between her legs, fucks you.

It took you a couple of minutes to feel yourself getting close to your peak. "I'm about to cum..." you said and Shauna immediately pulled her wet fingers out of you. You let out a frustrated groan. "What the hell?" disappointment turned to hurt.

"Shh. I don't want to let you cum so early without trying it..." Shauna pulled her jeans off and, leaving herself in just her panties (you could clearly see the wet spot on her panties), fastened her belt. She looked at the rubber cock appraisingly, just like you did, before changing position, throwing your legs over her strong shoulders and positioning his cock at your entrance.

"Do you think I need to lube it up or is my sweet little slut wet enough for it to go in easily?" Shauna asks, kissing your trembling legs. You don't answer for a moment, like she would like, so she decides for you. "Okay, I think you can handle it. You're a handy girl."

"W-wait..." you start, but a moan of bliss escapes your throat faster than you can imagine. This was one of your favorite moments: when you weren't used to this exact size inside yet, but fuck, the strap-on felt so good inside, like it was kissing your womb. Your legs were firmly planted on Shauna's shoulders as she fucked you from the very beginning, not at a slow pace, but at a medium one. "T-that's it... you're doing great. A good girl, just the best. And all for me. No one will ever fuck you like me again. Without me, you're nothing more than a pathetic slut." Shauna selflessly pounded into you while the sharp movements of the strap-on rubbed it against her pussy too. "You're just my little... quiet one... do you understand me?"

"Y-yes, yes... please, god... I want to cum." You felt like you were on cloud nine.

"Cum for me, baby." Shauna asks and you're off the hook as Shauna pushes herself all the way into you and you cum on her strap-on, after which she pulls out of you, leaving a languid and tugging feeling of emptiness inside you.

Before you can catch your breath, Shauna quickly removes her belt, places your legs on the bed, and pulls you by the arms, forcing you to sit on the bed. "Sit between my legs. Now." She commands, settling herself on the edge of the bed, and you can't help but obey, finding yourself right where she asked you to be.

You've never felt so involved before. So owned.

"That's it. I'm not done yet, baby. You need to help me. Can you do that?" Shauna asks, but the answer is obvious to both of you. You grab the hem of her panties and pull them down, revealing what is apparently your new main addiction. Your hands spread Shauna's legs a little, her hand gently weaving through your hair and gently pushing you forward. You inhale the musky scent of her pussy before allowing yourself to plunge your tongue inside, immediately deciding to play with her entrance.

Shauna let out a moan, her back arching as she sat there, letting you tease her entrance, only occasionally licking her clit. "Oh fuck... keep going..." she mumbled, her hand urging you to insert your tongue inside her soaking wet cunt, and you complied even if it made it harder for you to breathe.

You basically let her hand control your head. It wasn't long before she had you pressed to her clit on her own, and surprisingly soft moans were flying out of her mouth with every suck you gave, you licked and stroking her little sensitive spot so skillfully that she was literally seeing stars. She alternated between being gentle, letting you do whatever you wanted with her cunt and playing with it however you wanted, and being rough, holding your head down and moving her hips as if you were her little sex toy that would do whatever she wanted. You were both high on the sensation of what was happening between you, and you didn't give a shit how dubious it was.

You cared about nothing but each other and your own orgasm.

Shawna came in your mouth without holding back a moan, her thighs pinning your head, and if you were ever going to die like this, it would definitely be the best way to die. She reluctantly pulled you away from her pussy, riding out her orgasm before you, with some difficulty, laid down on the bed next to her, your legs dangling over the edge of the bed.

"Hey." She said huskily. "Do you remember what I said?"

"What?" You asked, licking your lips from the remnants of Shauna's taste.

"About you being my real girlfriend now. It's true. I don't intend to... play games anymore. I meant it."

"Oh, that." You sighed before continuing. "I didn't doubt it." "I know." Shauna looked at you with narrowed eyes. "I want to tell you that I will not give you to anyone. No more fake relationships." "I'm fine with that."

[ctheathy]

Yandere Changelings w/ human!Darling

The Changelings x Reader

Yandere Headcanons

Author's note: Gotta love these big buggo babies

reformed Changelings < unreformed Changelings

The Changelings/Reader [Platonic+Romantic-ish?]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

The Reader is quite humble • Abduction • Jealousy between changelings • Stalking • Invasion of privacy • Co-dependency • Aggression • Use of adhesive/the green goo • Violence • Possessiveness • Overprotective behaviour • Predatory behaviour • Love feeding • Overfeeding/“Overdosing” on love • Heart failure • Corpses of changelings mentioned

Changelings have certainly never had a very positive reputation around Equestria. The species of bug-like creatures mainly known to have ruthless mannerisms that only acts on instinct. Especially when considering the changelings eat love and love alone to keep them from starving. As you can see... These creatures, too, need to feed. And so steal the love hidden within ponies and other living entities for themselves with brute force. And this tiny human here... has love, and a lot of it.

But despite being an aggressive species, they are also known to be rather curious towards creatures they've never seen or heard of before. Which is why being a human is really just a saving grace for you in this scenario. Cause instead of pouncing immediately purely from starving impulse, they know they'd need information to report back to the Queen first. And since this is the first human the changelings have ever met, their natural reaction to encountering a new species is to learn more about it instead of feeding off of it, atleast not before they got all the answers they'd be satisfied with. Considering you are the only source of love and affection around.

The first changelings that have noticed your presence may start seeing you as a tasty morsel. if love is like meat for them, then they're being deprived of it, and then the one creature comes along that's a walking talking buffet of love. They'd observe your actions and behaviours from a safe distance for a little while, taking note of aggression signs or being a potential threat to the hive. But in truth... you weren't. You were more of a lover than a fighter, which gave the changelings the signal to not waste any other opportunity to abduct you into the hive for some answers.

And that's... when something sparked.

Being calm and sedate in your position would usually cease a changelings’ natural instinct to hunt and would often cause in less aggression and forceful measurements. But even if they did try feeding from your love, that would be similar to essentially trying to suck from a dry well, because the transporting process from the human realm to Equestria drained you of many strong emotions to begin with, and it takes a lot more time for your entire alternation from universe to universe to take full effect. And the changelings wouldn't budge from their stubbornness until you reached out to one of them... Brushing a gentle hand over its malnourished frame.

The love that you'd contain would be a tad bit ‘different’ from normal love they'd consume, mainly due to the fact that they never had to actually take it with force. You gave it to them willingly, making the love inserted into them a lot stronger and effective than if they were to steal it. Which results in giving their bodies an intense emotional ‘shock’ as you basically feed them little by little... The shock would still feel good to them, like it would make them feel warm and light headed, but their heart would begin beating rapidly by the shot of immense adrenaline they just got.

The reason why changelings need love and affection in the first place was because they need it for their survival. The value feeds them. As they learn you're capable of feeling and giving love, they would want to keep you around permanently to feed. However, in extreme cases it might lead to a changeling becoming dependent upon one person's love. And their survival might be based on that person's love and affection. and what happens when that person's love and affection starts to falter? There is such a darker side to something so innocent as eating some consensual love.

Which could go either two ways...

Plan A being a bit more complicated. Since they ended up taking a ‘sample’ of you to basically extract the hormones and emotions of love, you had proven yourself to be more productive than all of the ponies they've held captive combined. Feeling more satisfied with the mere sip of love you've happily handed out to them than with any usual prey they had ripped the love from. But the Queen desires love too, because it is essential for their race. And because the hive is almost completely devoid of any love in the first place. You could become a sample for the Queen... Just keeping you there and farm you for love.

But there's also a considerable chance the changelings who captured you would scrap plan A and would instead focus on a plan B... Keep you a secret from Queen Chrysalis and prevent you from being cocooned at all costs, but only under the condition if you keep blindly feeding them with your lovey-dovey personality. Changelings tend to function with a very strict hive mentality... conclusions are set by the swarm's majority of drones’ standpoint. They all have a strong tendency to fall for group decision-making, but they're also quick to swap their beliefs if it seems like the right choice for the best of the colony. So it likely wouldn't even take long for the entire swarm to come to an agreement to keep you secured under high protection and warding.

Due to being a good source, you would give them more positive energy than any other creature who would falter in their fright after being captured... which would make you a rather popular target for the swarm of drones. To a point where the entire hive would start to view you as the "heart of the colony" of sorts. Because a changelings emotions are based on their diet. And the more love they receive, the more addicted and obsessed they'll become with it. So they would all be head over heels at some point, bordering on complete worship ...viewing you as an object of their affection and admiration. And getting even more physically violent to defend and protect you from what they consider a threat to their food source.

They might be feeding off of the love you give them and emotional positivity for now. But if they keep feeding and feeding, eventually they are probably going to want something else than just your emotions, which isn't good... But at the end of it all, they will want to protect you. But their methods might be a bit morally questionable. They have been looking for a more ‘sustaining’ source of love their entire lives. And from what we know... love only grows stronger.

So what happens when a creature becomes utterly emotionally dependant on someone?

What if... they begin to get obsessive?

Instead deciding to ensure no one else gets to have you?

Signs of attacks outside of the hive would become more apparent as time went on, a variety of breeds beginning to disappear aside with half dead creatures covered in adhesive emerging from their hideout as no entity even dares to get close to the shapeshifters. Some changelings would begin arguing with eachother over the delightful taste of your love. But knowing how naturally greedy and hostile they can get, these would convert to physical violence sooner or later, causing a bunch of internal conflict in the colony. A bunch of love starved changelings just riskily fighting over a single human.

It would get so bad, in fact, that there's possibly not even second you'll spend in the hive without a changeling being nearby, just ... watching you. With or without you knowing, there to strike and pull you back in at a moments notice if your demeanor gets too close to flight response. The changeling that you first bonded with would feel remorse about doing it, but the rest of them won't really care much as long as they can keep you in their grasp. Though you would still be allowed to travel closely outside of the hive, they'll keep their little eyes on you anyway...

You'd have this love that's a bit diluted, but even with just having a weaker type of love to feed off of, they'd have to feed for a longer time and drain their energy in order to get it. Which in terms causes in them taking more than they can physically handle. You aren't necessarily a dry well, but rather more of a dripping faucet while they are all dying of thirst. So they could still eat from your given love for a while, but if they try to go all out, there could be horrific consequences...

Because each of them are essentially trying to take enough to survive, their individual feeding sessions can become more aggressive. They don't want to kill you, nor do they understand how strong of a heart you have. So they don't see that they need to be gentle. Because in their eyes, you're considered weaker as a mortal. And your emotions, not being very strong, make their hearts race and they aren't feeding slowly and cautiously enough to keep the heart beating at its normal pace. You're basically a complete reverse card on them. To the point of them becoming so infatuated with you, that they literally forget what they are doing, and basically, accidentally kill themselves with a massive case of overdosing love.

The more of your love they take, the more they will like you. And the more they like you, the more they would try to suck it out. And the more they try to suck it out, the more it would turn into a "want" instead of something more natural. And then, that's when some would begin to die from overfeeding. The emotional shock and overdosing on love being much more overwhelming than the changeling's bodies are capable of handling. And of course, you wouldn't really understand why they were all suddenly lifelessly scattered around you...

It would be quite a challenge for many changelings to have the self control to prevent that fate. I doubt the majority of them would even understand the concept of death enough to avoid it even when their heart rate was going at unsafe speeds. The situation would honestly be safe for the changelings that have enough self-control to hold themselves back, but those who don't would become history real quick... Especially as changelings mainly seem to cocoon their prey. You may have more love to give when you're out in the open, but perhaps you even walking freely might just be enough to push many changelings over the edge.

Though this would also highly depend on the distinct personality of each changeling. Those who were more reasonable would try to just suckle in love. Then we have those who would become a bit feral and aggressive trying to tear the love out of you. Making it like a really twisted irony that they want love, but by trying to obtain love, in this way, they could essentially doom themselves. The ones who are more in control and more disciplined may survive. But either the greedier or younger, more immature changelings might get too excited and just want more and more. Which leads into them destroying their bodies via the very thing they wanted. The ones that do manage to control themselves will remain very interested in you however. But even if their fair sense of attachment and perhaps even bond towards you won't fade...

This is nothing more and nothing less than a parasitic relationship

[qierxing]

Tipsy Spells

A/N: Drabbles based on drinking prompts for a warm up.  Yan! LaDs x Reader TW/CW: Implied confinement/captivity, obsessive behavior, drinking problems(so many drinking problems), unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional manipulation, dub//con, unhealthy relationships, co-dependent behavior, unbalanced power dynamics

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Xavier/Shen Xinghui

Xavier doesn’t have many rules in his apartment.

He lets you eat whatever. Books, TV, games, and even more are open for your entertainment. There’s no limit to what you do, so long as you’re not endangering yourself. It’s almost…normal. As normal as you can get when you’re under a sociopathic captor. 

So when you open up the shopping bags Xavier went out to get, you’re rather disappointed.

“Really? Beer?” Holding up the bottle from the bag, you glare at Xavier balefully. “When you said you were going to get something ‘special’, I hoped you would, you know, get something stronger?”

Xavier gives you his signature innocent look while putting away some ingredients from the other bag. “I thought you liked beer though.”

You did. But living with Xavier has been terribly dull and grating. If it meant some reprieve, you’d rather not be sober.

“Can’t you get some huangjiu at least?” you plead.

Xavier looks at the digital clock above the stove. Nearly one in the morning. “I think the supermarket nearby is closed now.”

You groan. Giving up, you open a drawer and retrieve a bottle opener and crack the beer open. At this point, you’ll take what you can. Anything to not feel like clawing your eyes out from hysteria or boredom, whichever the two strikes your mood first.

Xavier follows you out the kitchen into his living room as you slump into the cushions of the couch, chugging the bottle. You protest as he takes the bottle from your hands.

“Hey!!”

“Don’t drink too fast. You’ll end up feeling sick,” he softly says. You roll your eyes and huff. After a moment, he gives you back the bottle.

“It’s not like there’s much anyway,” you mutter reproachfully. 

And it’s true. The second time you lift the bottle up to your lips, there only remains several spoons of liquid that goes down your throat. By the time it trickles to several drops, you start to feel the whoozy effect of the alcohol in your system. Not strong enough to really do anything, but just enough to make your tight shoulders relax.

You barely register Xavier taking the bottle again and setting it on the coffee table. When he winds a warm arm around you, you don’t protest. You’re too tired to fight. And it would only result in being banned from going outside again.

“Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.” 

Maybe you could get yourself to fall asleep midway.

Zayne/Li Shen

When he came home late that night, he expected you to be sleeping. This, however, was not entirely surprising. 

You’ve been behaving so well, he’s forgotten about how you were prone to being susceptible to easy and unhealthy escapes. 

You’re on the floor leaning against the slanting open doors, nursing a bottle of vintage port wine. Several other empty bottles litter the floor; sauvignon blancs, rosés, and various other kinds of wine he never bothered to open. He’s never been one to drink, but gifts were gifts, and it felt like a waste to throw them away.

He wants to scold you for breaking into the wine cabinet again, but he supposes it won’t register in your foggy mind right now.

“My love,” he says softly, kneeling down and wrapping a solid arm around your shoulders. “Let’s get you some water.”

Your glazed eyes slide over and it takes a minute for them to process Zayne in his doctor’s coat. 

“Shaddup…” your face pinches into a sour expression, and his heart freezes at the sight. Your head lolls to the side unsteadily over his supporting arm and you click your tongue. 

“You–you’re sucha, ahh, ah party pooper, ya–y’know?” Your words slur together in a loopy insult. He hasn’t seen you this drunk in a while.

“Let’s get you some water,” Zayne repeats, more firmly this time. He works to release your death grip on the glass bottle, but you fight him every step of the way.

“S-stop, stop that, Li Shen,” you garble in distress. He pauses in surprise at the once affectionate name in your voice. “I don’t wanna feel…if I can’t drink, then I-I, it, ah, it starts to hurt so much...” you giggle, as your cloudy eyes look up at him brimming with wetness. “It hurts so much…I just, just–don’t wanna hurt anymore.”

He swipes a gentle finger under your eyes, catching the tears and flicking them away. Zayne knew everyone had their lapses, but this time in particular made his heart ache.

Of course, you didn’t take to being resigned from your job and brought under his care. Even if he devoted every bit of his body and love, it seemed it wouldn’t be enough to bring back the love you used to hold in your heart.

Zayne decides to leave the bottle and bring your slumped body up into a chair instead. By the time he brings you a glass of water, you’ve already finished the bottle and planted face down onto the kitchen table. 

Puffing out a worried sigh, Zayne rakes his fingers through the messy tangle of his dark hair before setting down the glass and reaching for some painkillers. 

Come tomorrow morning, you’ll awake with a pounding headache and queasy nausea, and he’ll be by your side, even if you’re reluctant to rely on him. But no matter how much you cry and struggle, Zayne couldn’t give you up anymore. Not when he couldn’t go on without you. 

“I’m sorry, my love,” as he presses a kiss to your limp hand. “I can’t let you go.”

Rafayel/Qi Yu

Rafayel is an interesting kind of drunk.

You suppose it’s a combination of the Lemurian blood and his passionate, artistic soul. For anyone else, it would either induce sleepiness or giddiness. For Rafayel? The end result is a highly unstable, ludicrously stupid merman who thinks that nothing else matters but you.

Granted, he already had this mentality while sober, but while imbibed with alcohol, the effect was more pronounced and obvious.

“I looove youuuu, like,” Rafayel hiccups, pausing his proclamation. “-like, thiiiiiiis much~” He opens his arms wide in a flourish as if he was in front of an applauding audience. 

You only hum in acknowledgement as you swipe his glass of baijiu out of his hand. Rafayel whines, but ultimately gives up retrieving his glass back when you finish the rest of the liquor inside. Setting down the crystal glass as gently as you can, you sway unsteadily as you land back on the couch cushions. 

“I love you when you’re drunk,” you admit shamelessly. “At least you’re less annoying that way.”

If Rafayel had been sober, that statement might have ended another few nights being forbidden from stepping outside the studio, more bite marks littering your skin, or forced to beg for your clothes back. But he isn’t sober. Instead, he giggles loudly, as if you just told him the funniest joke in the world.

“You’re sooooo mean,” he gasps. He giggles again. “But it’s okay! You’re still cute as ever~”

You briefly wonder if you could get away with strangling him to death. The thought is dismissed when he starts to cling to you. You forgot that unfortunately, while his senses may be clouded, his innate strength was most certainly not.

Despite your best(while drunk) efforts, Rafayel’s arms remain tight around your waist, his face buried into your stomach. You click your tongue in annoyance.

“Qi Yu.”

No response.

“Qi Yu, get off me.”

For a moment, it was quiet. Then a loud snore echoes and air is blown directly onto your stomach. 

Maybe you can try seeing if you could get him by suffocation.

Sylus/Qin Che

Formal dinners don’t make you nervous.

What did make you nervous is the very man who invited you to his grand dining room.

The head honcho of Onychinus. And N109’s ticking time bomb.

You don’t like the man. Call it paranoia, intimidation, or anxiety, you simply do not like him. He’s a towering sort of brute with appropriately broad shoulders and height that makes heads either turn or bow instinctively. His eyes, you shudder, makes you think of hellfire, brimstone, and all sorts of terrifying things. People have whispered of those who have been buried under his hand. 

You don’t want to be next.

But, business is business, and information is information.

“Does the bourbon suit your taste?” Sylus asks with an amused arch of his eyebrow.

You smile uneasily as you take a sip, bittersweet tones of chocolate burning your throat and all the way down to your stomach. “Surely you’re not bribing me with liquor to figure out what I know?” 

“I take offense at that, sweetie.” You stiffen at the affectionate pet name. The fondness dripping from his tone leaks disgustingly over your skin. “I’m sure you know I have my own ways of getting what I want.”

You hide an annoyed grimace with the glass as you take another sip. “Then, how may I help you, sir? I only broker info and nothing else.”

“By being mine.” 

The response is so ridiculous that you can only stare. It takes too long for you to come back to your senses. Your smile strains your taut cheeks.

“Very funny joke, sir.”

“Oh, but it’s not.”

Your smile fades as you feel two presences behind you. You grip the glass tightly. Before you can even move, Sylus clicks his tongue in a patronizing way.

“Don’t even try it, sweet thing.” He smirks. “I don’t want to use force if you don’t cooperate.”

You loosen your grip.

“Why are you doing this?” you whisper. You’re only one among thousands of other info brokers in N109 zone. And even more so, you’ve been on the outer edges like an outcast compared to other highly sought people. 

Instead of answering, he simply holds out the bourbon bottle with a genuine smile that sends shivers down your neck.

“I simply have a taste for fine things, and you, my dear, are one of them.”

[animeyanderelover]

Anon: Can I get Dazai (BSD) with Prompt 70+205 NSFW please?

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, stalking, blackmailing, manipulation, abuse of power, emotional gaslighting, guilt-tripping, clinginess, Dazai breaks into reader's apartment, sadism, masochism, suicide mentions, Dazai has scars underneath his bandages, mentions of self-harm, co-dependency, Nsfw, dry humping, f!reader

Tags: @shumidehiro @leveyani @izanami78

Words: 15.3k

Prompt 70 + 205

It was a beautiful evening.

It was neither too warm nor too cold, there was a gentle breeze softly stroking your face and the whole sky was lit up in the warm colours of red, orange and gold as the sun slowly set in the distance.

Yes, everything considered it was a very beautiful evening. If only you wouldn’t have gotten lost, maybe this evening could have been even more enjoyable. But no, instead your little exploration had led you into the outskirts of the city and now you didn’t know how to get back to your apartment. You hadn’t familiarised yourself just yet with Yokohama and its infrastructure and streets, everything was still new and slightly overwhelming to you.

The only guidance you had was Google Maps yet you were running frighteningly low on battery, your current predicament getting worse and worse by the minute. Your footsteps got faster as you started hurrying, not keen on having your phone die out on you before you at least reached the street your apartment was in.

Soothing sounds of rushing water reached your ears as you reached a river, a small bridge built above the shores. Initially there was little to no attention you paid the scenery though, time a luxury you didn’t have in the face of your low battery.

You only spotted him from the corner of your eyes, the mysterious man standing close to the bridge railing. Chocolate brown hair, a long coat and bandages covering his neck and his arms.

All of a sudden your footsteps came to a halt, your eyes glued to the strange man.

It was unclear whether he had noticed you but simply ignored you or if he was so deeply immersed in his own thoughts that he hadn’t spotted you, his gaze focused on the river below the bridge.

Distant sounds of the nuzzling city of Yokohama, cars honking due to the busy evening traffic, the chirping of cicadas. All white noises as you found yourself wrapped inside strange emotions, a familiar ache in your chest as you watched him.

Your feet moved on their own before you even recognised it, one of your hands reaching out to gently grasp his sleeve. Only then did he finally turn around to you, a mild look of surprise on his face. It disappeared as quickly as it had emerged, an impish yet still quite charming grin on his face as he inspected your face.

“My, what a pleasant surprise to meet a pretty lady like you out here~ Can I help you with something?”

The ache was still there, somewhere deep within your chest as you observed his face for a few more seconds, your mind barely registering his question. Only when he lifted one of his eyebrows in slight wonder did you finally react, lifting up your phone where Google Maps was still opened.

“Do you know how I can get there?”

Brown eyes darted to the bright screen, his head leaning closer as he took a look at your phone before you spotted a look of realisation crossing his face.

“I do,” he hummed softly, brown orbs moving from the screen of your phone to your face, “Did you move here recently?”

His keen observation and correct assumption surprised you a bit and when you saw the corner of his lips twitching up in amusement you imagined that the surprise must have shown on your face.

“Welcome to Yokohama, pretty girl. I hope you’ll settle nicely in the city.”

You blinked a few times, the nickname he’d just called you by flustering you a tad bit before you muttered out a small “thanks”. The strange man on the other hand seemed to find amusement in your somewhat flustered state, a grin on his lips that had your heart clenching in melancholy and nostalgia.

“Can… Can you help me getting to my place?”

The words stumbled out of your lips before you could hold them back, your emotions guiding you more than your mind did. You just couldn’t help it.

Now it was his turn to appear somewhat caught-off-guard, his head tilting lightly to the side as brown eyes inspected you.

“You want me to help you?” he queried, pointing at himself and looking so comedically shocked that you wondered if he was trying to tease you in that moment.

“I do,” you replied as you put your phone back in your purse, noting with a sigh that you were done to 12%, “My phone is about to give up on me and as you correctly noted, I’m new in this city. I could need some guidance to find my way back to my place.”

He put one of his hands on his chin, his eyes closing as he feigned a thoughtful expression that made you poke your tongue against the inside of your cheek. Yes, he was definitely teasing you right now.

“What if I say no?” he questioned you, his eyes reopening and staring into you directly as if curious to see how you would react as well as handle this potential rejection.

“Do you have anything else to do? Something more important than helping a poor damsel in distress right now who might get lost in such a big city after having grown up in the countryside?”

Your eyes couldn’t help but briefly land on the river as you challenged him, your voice firm and stubborn. You would not back down here. You couldn’t.

That’s when he squinted his eyes in amusement, brown orbs scintillating with a cat-like fascination as the brief glance you casted at the river didn’t go unnoticed by him. A warm chuckle escaped his chest, one that scratched a warm spot in your heart.

“Guilt-tripping a stranger to get what you want, hmm? You’re a ruthless thing, aren’t you?”

As he seemed to consider your arguments, you tried your best to hide the dwelling anticipation within your chest, the growing unease with each second he didn’t answer.

Only when he let out a long and most likely exaggerated sigh of defeat did you let out the breath you hadn’t even known that you had held in the first place.

“You know how to make a man feel guilty, don’t you? How could I deny you maiden in need without looking like a terrible man now?”

—-

“So you’re from Yamagata, huh? Is it nice over there?"

You glanced to your side where Dazai, as he had told you earlier on, walked, his hands in the pockets of his coat.

"It's a very peaceful and calm place," you began, tilting your head slightly up as you recalled your childhood and all the memories you'd left behind, "but because it is rather rural there weren't a whole lot of job opportunities you could choose from. I think most of my old classmates moved away after graduating school to search for a new life in other cities."

"Oh, is that so? Did some of them also move to Yokohama?"

"Not anyone that I know. Most of them went to Tokyo, some to Kyoto, Sapporo, Sendai, Osaka..."

You paused, stopped counting on your fingers as well as you tried to recall if you had missed listing another city you knew someone from your year had moved to. You couldn't recall anything though so you dropped your hand and shrugged lightly.

"That's about all that I remember at least."

"They grow up so fast, don't they?"

You arched one of your eyebrows as you watched Dazai sighing with feigned nostalgia as if he'd been there to watch your entire class growing up.

"You make it sound like you're a grandfather," was your reply, though there was a hint of amusement somewhere in your tone which he picked up on.

"Well, I do have a junior in my workplace who I have been mentoring a bit and to see him growing so much in comparison to when he first joined..." a proud sigh escaped his lips, his eyes closing as if he was reminiscing about said junior of his, "My little student has finally taken his first steps to become a grownup."

Gosh, he really was a dramatic one, wasn't he? You couldn't say that you didn't like that though.

"Are you sure that you're someone in your early twenties and not secretly a sappy old grandfather?"

"You think I'm old?" he gasped with played shock on his face, only eliciting another grin from you. He would have made an excellent performer in theatres though you doubted that he was one. His exaggerated and dramatic gestures and gestures would have been fitting nevertheless.

As the two of you turned around another corner you also suddenly realised that you knew where you were again. Thank goddess. You really had to memorise the streets around your block better because you doubted you'd bump into someone like Dazai every time you'd get lost.

The look of relief that broke out on your face as your gaze took in the familiar signs and buildings made Dazai chuckle a bit.

"Seems like the bird finally returned to her nest," he noted, halting his steps all whilst you continued walking for a bit before you turned around to him.

"Indeed," you agreed, "I think I'll find my way back home from here."

"Such a shame. And here I thought I could escort you back all the way to your apartment," he pouted though you were unsure if his disappointment was real or just another one of his common teasing and over the top reactions.

"Not today. Maybe another time," you replied cheekily, deciding to play a little bit back as you clasped your hands behind your back, "On another note though, thank you a lot for your help. Without you I would have ended up god knows where."

Your appreciation was sincere, something that seemed to catch Dazai by surprise. Or perhaps you just imagined the slight widening of his eyes before a practised smile appeared on his face, one of his hands scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

"You give me too much credit. I only did what anyone else would have done in my position."

You let out a huff before you shook your head in amusement.

"It's the little things that count, don't you think so?"

You liked to think that the glint appearing in his eyes was one of appreciation as well for your little engagement with his own silly antics, something he probably wasn't used to.

"I guess so."

It was getting dark now, the lights of the city illuminating the place. Your battery was down to 9% but at least now you had nothing to worry about.

"As much as it pains me to speak those words, this is probably goodby-"

"Goodbye until the next time we bump into each other again."

You deliberately cut him off at the end of his sentence, asserting your own words before he could finish his own as your eyes rested expectantly on him.

Once again he gave you that mildly bewildered look before it made way for silent intrigue. Both of you shared a long look of silence, something wordlessly understood within that time of quietness, something that had his heart skipping a beat.

"Until the next time we meet each other again then, (y/n)."

Apparently satisfied with that reply you waved him one final time temporarily goodbye before you turned around and made your way back to your apartment, brown eyes following you until you were out of sight.

Intriguing. You were truly intriguing.

---

"Welcom-Dazai?!"

The obligatory greeting that you were required to give all customers who walked into the café you were working in quickly got stuck in your throat, instead replaced by a surprised shout that had the heads of other clients turn around.

Embarrassment and shame quickly heated up your cheeks as you quickly bowed a couple of times in their direction, muttering a few apologies before you cleared your throat and turned your attention back to him.

He wasn't alone. With him was another boy, one who appeared to be slightly flustered and shy as he stuttered out a greeting when your curious gaze landed on him.

"You don't sound very happy to see me again. And here I thought you'd jump straight into my arms the next time we meet again."

God, he really was a manchild as he almost appeared to sulk when noticing the surprise written all over your face. Yet it still made you smile in amusement as you shook your head.

"Two people I assume?" you asked, catering to your duties first whilst on your job. You could try to talk to him a bit more once you'd found him and the other boy a table.

Another pout on his lips as you didn't engage further with him though eventually he did nod, patting the boy on his back so that he'd follow as you guided both of them to a round table near the windows.

Only after both of them had sat down did you allow yourself to converse a bit with. Your gaze flickered to the boy who, once he noted that you were observing him, duck his head sheepishly.

"Is that the junior you told me about the other day?" you eventually asked Dazai with a slight smile on your face, turning your gaze back to him. He seemed to light up once you focused back on him, happy to have your eyes back on him.

"He is! This is Atsushi. Do excuse his shyness, he doesn't know how to behave around a pretty lady such as yourself yet."

You couldn't help the snort that left you as you handed both of them the menu.

"Are you planning to teach him that too? Oh dear, I pity the poor boy and his future already."

A hand flew right over his heart, a pained gasp leaving him as if you'd just shot him straight through the heart.

"Why? Am I not the most charming person you've ever met?"

You rolled your eyes amused before your attention was turned to one of your other co-workers waving over at you in an attempt to gain your attention without disturbing the other customers by shouting.

"I'll have to leave. Just let me know when you know what you want to order," sou explained to them before you quickly made your way back into the kitchen. You were still able to overhear Dazai's whine when you left him alone with Atsushi.

"Here I am taking my time during my job to visit you only to be ignored. How cold."

"... Dazai-san, I wouldn't call visiting 7 different café 'taking time from your job'.

Wait, what??

---

As it turned out you had neglected specifying to Dazai where exactly you were working which had prompted him to search through all café within your district as the only thing you had mentioned to him had been that luckily your workplace wasn't far from your apartment.

Atsushi had only been the scapegoat as the boy had confessed to you, his huge appetite the perfect cover for Dazai to visit all different places without getting sick himself. Honestly, considering that Atsushi had already stuffed himself full in all the previous stores and had still devoured the curry and slice of chocolate cake he had ordered you couldn't blame Dazai for forcing the boy to tag along.

However, you did have a nagging suspicion that perhaps it had been Atsushi's pocket money that had been largely blown on this trip. That was at least the assumption that you made when you brought the bill over and saw the poor boy wincing.

So you put the bill right in front of Dazai with a bit more force than needed, giving him a bright smile.

"Atsushi over there must be really happy to have such a kind senior as you are who looks out for him so much and even invites him to the café I'm working in."

There was a slightly threatening aura to that smile of yours, one that didn't allow for any resistance. So with a whining sigh, closed eyes and a pout on his lips this time it was Dazai who pulled out his wallet. The only thing missing right now were the tears rolling down his cheeks to further punctuate his hurt.

"Oh, you're breaking this man's heart... and his wallet."

---

"Ouch!"

That hiss escaped you when Sakai-san, an older co-worker of yours, attempted and failed to elbow you discreetly as her sharp bone made contact with your ribs instead. A confused scowl was on your face when you turned to her, rubbing the sore spot.

"Sakai-san, what was that for?"

She let out a giggle before her eyes motioned to something behind you.

"He's back again."

Dazai?

Indeed, when you turned around you were met with Dazai standing at the entrance, hands clasped behind his back as his brown eyes were locked onto your form.

"Go on, we all know that he only wants to be served by you," Sakai tittered teasingly, her eyes flickering back and forth between him and you suggestively which had your face heating up somewhat though within the next moment you felt the familiar heavy weight coiling itself around your heart once more.

"You're wrong..." you uttered quietly though you weren't able to defend yourself otherwise as you walked over to greet Dazai. After all he was still a customer and as one you couldn't have him waiting for too long.

It was the 41st time that he'd visited the café in the last 3 months...

---

"Ah, so you found out about the job as well as got it with the help of one of your seniors back in high school. You're not planning to work there permanently as a waitress though, do you?"

His hands were folded behind his back as he leaned back on the bench, his eyes lazily observing the ocean in front. Both of you had happened to meet whilst you had just taken a stroll through the city on your free day and somehow he'd managed to convince you to take you on a little tour, claiming that you still didn't know all the hidden gems Yokohama had to offer.

Now, with a heavenly crepe in your hand that Dazai had bought you from a little booth you had to admit that were indeed a lot of things this city had to offer that you still didn't know about.

"Well, that is the plan. I have fun with my job but I don't think it's something that I can imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. The payment is enough for my cheap rent but I was planning to move into a bigger apartment later in my life," was your answer whilst you were chewing, biting through juicy strawberries and tasting the sweet whipped cream.

Your gaze cruised relaxed across the ocean, spotting a couple of ships who were either making their way to the port or leaving it. You liked this moment. It felt... nice. Yes, that was the right word. It felt nice to just sit with Dazai like this, watching the ocean together as seagulls flew freely across the seawater, their sounds being carried over by the breeze drifting over the body of blue and tickling your faces.

It was the abrupt noise of amusement that brought you out of your peaceful state, your eyes turning curiously over to Dazai. As you did so, facing him, you could see for a split second how he pressed his lips together as if attempting to hold the light chuckle back that broke out of him within seconds anyways.

You furrowed your eyebrows, not understanding what was so funny right now, especially since it seemed to be connected to you looking at him.

"Care to tell me what's so funny so that I might join you?" you queried, scowling a bit as you didn't exactly like feeling like you were laughed at.

"My bad, my bad. Sorry," was his swift reply, brown eyes staring at your face with a fond glimmer that had your heart tightening, especially once he suddenly shuffled closer to you.

One of his hands cupped your heated cheek, his thumb wiping over the corner of your lips.

"You just had some whipped cream smeared on your cheek," he whispered lowly as if he only wanted you to hear him even though there were currently no other people around, "I just thought that you looked really adorable."

Your breath hitched, your eyes widening as you stared at Dazai.

-

The sounds of barely contained chuckles reached your ears, making you whip your head around quickly, your eyes narrowing as you caught sight of him.

"Hey! What's so funny right now, huh?"

His hands quickly waved at you, trying to appease the hint of frustration currently bubbling up within you.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just that you have some sauce on your face. God, you should look at yourself right now. You actually look kind of cute like this."

Your heart skipped a beat, your cheeks heating up though you hid your embarrassment behind a scoff, one of your hands wiping over your mouth.

"You only smeared it further over your face," he sighed, shaking his head whilst looking at you with warm eyes before pulling out a tissue from his pocket.

"Here, let me help you," he offered kindly, taking a few steps closer to you before he started wiping away the food from your face.

-

Your heart lurched within your chest, the pain filling your veins and your heart. As if his hand was fire you pulled back quickly, the movement as well as the speed of the action so unexpected that it even seemed to startle Dazai slightly.

His hand was still outstretched, his gaze frozen on the spot where your face had been only seconds ago with the temporary shock before it darted over to where you were now. Brown orbs narrowed as he attempted to meet your gaze only to notice that you were avoiding to look at him, your own vision fixed on the ground beneath the bench.

Yet you still couldn't hide it. The raw pain. The heavy guilt.

His hand hovered in the air for a while longer before he lowered it slowly, something stirring within his chest as his eyes observed your face like a hawk, gauging every twitch of your eyes and clench of your jaw.

There was something...

The silence that had been comfortable only minutes ago was now threatening to suffocate you and every second that passed only made it worse. Your heart was pounding against your chest so loudly that you feared that Dazai would be able to hear it as he was within your proximity.

"(y/n)..."

A dagger, straight through your heart as he spoke your name so softly, so carefully. The warm sensation of comfort shooting through you threatened to burn you, your insides crawling.

It felt wrong. So very wrong to feel that way.

The need to escape dwelled strongly within you as you found yourself unable to endure it. You rose abruptly to your feet, your balance thrown off due to the quick movement, whipped cream dripping down your hands due to the way you clutched the crepe so tightly in your hold.

"I..." you paused, your tongue frozen as you couldn't find it in you to conjure up any half-decent excuse to leave as sudden as you planned to. Not with the way your heart was pounding within its cage, each beat a new wave of emotion that shook you to your very core.

"I have to leave."

You quietly cursed your unsteady voice for cracking at the end, unable to keep everything confined within the deepest darkness of your soul. You feared him, feared the feeling of a hand grasping after you and clutching to your pitiful form, of a hurt and confused voice asking you about your abrupt parture yet none of that happened. So you left, that tormenting silence pushing down on you. A part of you longed to look back yet the fear of gazing into brown eyes only to be met with silent agony and loneliness predominated over that nagging guilt as you quickly stormed away.

You really were such a coward. Why were you always like this?

---

It was pouring heavily when the two of you crossed paths again after a few days of you not having been able to spot him anywhere. Those few days had felt like a few of the longest days in your life as your mind was unable to let go of the memory of your last interaction with him. The guilt had only festered within your mind and heart with each passing hour yet still, you had always found yourself pausing whenever you had tried to call him or to send him a simple text as your mind had suddenly emptied itself with blank dread.

Even whilst you had worked you had been unable to push the subject away, especially since quite a few of your co-workers kept on bugging you about Dazai. You hadn't been able to tell them about what had happened. You couldn't bring yourself to tell the truth and even if you could, you didn't know how to. Only Nakano had sensed that there was something you didn't want to tell and had helped to inconspicuously guide you away from your romance-loving female co-workers.

Dazai's absence had stung though, more than you would have wanted. There was no denial though that you had grown quite attached to the silly man in those last few months and you were afraid, afraid because you suspected that he was feeling something for you you had sworn to never give to someone else after him.

So many times you had imagined what you should say to Dazai the next time you'd bump into him but as both of you were standing there right now on different sides of the street with the rain pouring down on the two of you, all that practice and all the thoughts you had spent for him vanished as you forgot how to breathe.

It felt like there were only the two of you in this world as the crowd of humans around you blurred into incognisable blurs of colours, becoming one endless string of movement that you barely noticed from the corner of your eyes.

After all you could only focus on Dazai in that moment, unable to tear your eyes away. He was soaked through, held no umbrella that shielded him from the rain unlike you. Wet strands of hair fell down his eyes, droplets of water trickling down from those brown locks. He must have been freezing in the cold autumn weather, he could have gone and searched for any cover to protect himself from the heavy rain yet he didn't. He chose to stand there and watch you, both of you trapped within a small world where only the other existed.

Time became insignificant for those too long yet too short moments where both of you couldn't look away from each other, where it felt like only the eyes of the other person mattered in this world. Until Dazai severed that connection by averting his eyes, a sudden gush of cold wind pushing you harshly back to the real world. A gasp left your lips, a breath you hadn't even noticed you had held in this entire time escaping your lungs.

All sensations returned to you. The noisiness of the city around you. The goosebumps all over your skin due to the chilly weather. The smell of rainwater, of food and exhaust gases. You were grasping for a sense of control within the real world, your mind still not fully back until you felt safe enough to move again, your eyes instantly searching for Dazai.

His retreating form was the only thing that you noticed, your heart stopping inside your chest for a moment as you watched how he slowly disappeared within the crowd.

-

Brrrrr. Brrrrr. Brrrrr. Brr-

Your hands instantly started digging into your schoolbag, your fingers sweeping around within as you attempted to find your phone before you fished it out, quickly accepting the call. Especially once you saw who was calling you.

"Hey, Hideo," you chirped as you made your way through the mostly empty streets, on the way back to your home after your day at school and after finishing your club activities.

"Hey," he echoed back softly, his voice unusually quiet considering that normally he was always more energetic. You narrowed your eyes when you heard his voice, pressing your ear closer to your phone.

"Is everything alright?"

A few seconds of silence, a few seconds too much of silence as if he didn't know what he was supposed to answer to that question before you heard him sighing.

"I'm just a bit tired. It's been kind of exhausting those last few weeks."

"I... I guess so," you replied unsurely before straightening up, your tone returning to a chipper sound as you attempted to cheer him up, "Exams have been pretty tough. But hey, we're finished now! That means we can take it easier again."

"True. It's finally over. God, my parents were basically interrogating me after every exam because they wanted to know how I'd performed."

"Well, you've always been the brain between the two of us. They really don't have anything to worry about, especially since you always perform so well. I mean, without you I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have scored as high on my previous tests as I did."

"You're giving me too much credit. I only nudged you in the right direction. You learned everything else quite fast by yourself then."

Awkward silence. Uncomfortable silence. Silence that had your stomach twisting in ways that had you feeling like something was not quite right.

"So... is there... like-uhh... a reason why you're calling me?"

You internally cringed as soon as you had spoken those words as they only registered whilst you heard yourself speaking them. God, that sounded quite awkward which really didn't mend this already strange situation.

"..."

You could have sworn that you heard Hideo releasing a shaky breath as if trying to maintain his emotions better.

"Not really. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice."

Okay, this was getting more and more suspicious. You had a queasy feeling in your gut.

Just as you were about to turn around the next corner you spotted him right there, just standing there at the end of the road all alone. Instantly you stopped, pressing your back against the building as you peered around. He hadn't spotted you, his back facing you as he simply gazed up at the dark sky.

"Are you sure that you're okay, Hideo?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Or am I too sappy by giving you a compliment?"

"No! Absolutely not."

A soft exhale of air from the other line of the call that had your heart clenching and fluttering at the same time.

"I guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad that we're friends."

There was a lump at the back of your throat, one that you desperately tried to swallow back. You felt uncomfortable, your heart heavy with a sensation you didn't like nor want.

"S-since we have no exams anymore, how about playing video games together again this weekend? Or anything else to take our minds off the pressure?"

Why did you sound so desperate? Why was your voice threatening to crack?

"...Sounds nice. I'd like that."

You nodded your head eagerly even though he couldn't see you.

"Okay, it's a deal then. You just wait until I kick your ass in those games."

That's when he let out a genuine chuckle, one that managed to ease your trembling heart a bit.

"You sound confident. Well then, good night (y/n)."

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

"... Yeah, until tomorrow."

As soon as he hung up you peered your head around the corner, watching as his silhoutte turned around and moved into the opposite direction where your house was. You didn't know why you didn't just walk carelessly without minding whether he spotted you or not.

Once he was out of sight did you finally remove yourself from the spot where you had been hiding, your steps tentative yet fast as you quickly made it to the other side of the road where he'd been standing just very recently.

You could still spot his silhoutte, getting smaller and smaller. A part of you felt the urgent need to rush after him, to reassure that wriggly anxiety within your heart yet you tried to shake that unease off. Hideo always recovered quickly from his sorrow.

Tomorrow he'd come over to your desk and both of you would laugh over this silly call. So you turned your back on his retreating figure slowly disappearing into the darkness as you made your own way home, the streetlights illuminating the path...

-

Cars honking loudly. The quiet yet judgemental stares of the people. The cold rain washing over you. All those consequences seemed insignificant as you sprinted over the street despite the red light, pushing your way through the people and dropping your umbrella as a result. All you could focus on was Dazai's figure slowly blurring into the crowd, disappearing from your sight.

You didn't want this. You didn't want him to disappear from your life. Not like this. Not again.

Your hands reached out so far that your muscles hurt yet that didn't matter to you, your body lurching forward, your fingers tightening around his bandaged arm.

"Don't go."

Such a short sentence. Such a simple sentence. Yet who would have known that so few words could carry so much emotions with them as you felt your voice quivering, your chest heaving with too many emotions as your eyes started stinging with unshed tears.

He stopped as soon as he felt your desperate grip around his arm, your fingers clutching at him as if he'd disappear the moment you'd let go. His body turned slightly to be able to look upon you, brown eyes gazing at your pleading eyes.

There was so much pain in your eyes. Why was that? What was hurting you so much?

Scattered thoughts bounced back and forth within your mind, as soon as you thought you had caught one it trickled through your fingers like sand. Emotions hit you full force as if you were standing directly beneath a waterfall, unable to bear the burden.

You felt completely overwhelmed, didn't know what you were supposed to do. The only thing you knew was that you didn't want to let go. You couldn't.

"(y/n). You're crying."

As if someone had pulled you out of the depths of the ocean you resurfaced to reality, all the noises around you suddenly coming back to life, his voice tearing through whatever abyss you had been falling in.

One of his hands was on your cheek, his thumb rubbing over the skin.

Crying? Were you crying?

You didn't know. You really didn't know. Perhaps it was just the rain pouring down unforgivingly on the two of you that made it look like you were crying. Or perhaps you really were crying, your eyes prickling with the emotions you'd just gone through. Thank god it was raining though so that neither you nor him could tell whether you were shedding tears or not.

"It's just the rain," you pressed out, taking deep breaths to gather your scattered control so that you wouldn't fall apart any further. Nevertheless though, your hand ran over your face to wipe away the droplets of water, to wipe away the tears either your eyes were shedding or the tears that the rain put in your eyes.

"It isn't," he refuted quietly, stepping closer to you as brown eyes stared at you, almost through you as a forlorn haze took away the usual lively sharpness his eyes always had as if he too was recalling a memory that pained him.

You gave him time as you realised that his mind was elsewhere. However, just like he had helped you just moments ago you felt indebted to do the same. After all you knew how painful it was to get lost in your own regret.

"Dazai, we should go to my apartment until the rain has stopped."

---

Your apartment was nothing grand, nothing outstanding. It consisted of five rooms. The little hallway as soon as someone entered where the tiny kitchen was also installed into, the living room with a small couch, a kotatsu table and a futon stuffed into a cupboard which you rolled out at night, a small bathroom with a bathtub and showerhead, the second smallest room where a washing machine was stuffed into and the tiniest room where the toilet was located in.

It wasn't much and Dazai knew that your parents were partially still supporting you yet he'd never felt more comfortable inside someone else's apartment in his entire life as you ushered him inside, both of you soaked to the bones. His coat, that he had insisted on wringing out before entering your building, was slung over your arm as you had suggested throwing it into the laundry dryer.

"Just make yourself at home. I'll get you some towels," you instructed him as you hastily took your shoes off before disappearing into the tiny washing room.

There really wasn't much to analyse in your room as you had only bought the bare necessities, aware that you had only a limited amount of space. Still, it was tidier than his own place by a long shot and you hadn't even planned to bring him over, meaning that you hadn't cleaned up on purpose.

Perhaps he should also start cleaning his place up a tad bit more when he got the chance to bring you over to his own apartment.

Footsteps echoed from behind him and in the next moment something covered his vision.

"Here."

As Dazai rubbed himself dry as good as he could with his clothes completely wet you opened the cupboard and pulled out some blankets. You didn't have any clothes you could borrow him to wear except your own, meaning he'd have to stay in those soaked pieces of clothes he was wearing. The very least you could do was to keep him warm somehow.

When you turned around, your arms stuffed with two blankets, you were met with Dazai's gaze already on you. His brown hair was slightly tousled, the towel wrapped around his shoulders like some sort of cape. Despite everything that had just happened you couldn't help the weak huff of amusement that escaped your lips. He reminded you of a wet cat, it was a rather adorable sight.

"Take those. I don't want you to catch a cold," you spoke as you handed him over the blankets.

"What about you?"

"I'll change my clothes in a moment," you simply told him, rolling your eyes when Dazai made no motion to take the blankets which led you to wrap him up inside them yourself. You could sense his gaze following your every movement as if he was afraid that he'd miss something crucial if he were to avert his eyes even for a moment.

"(y/n)..."

-

"(y/n)..."

-

Both of you were close, too close for your heart ro remain quiet. It was pounding against your ribcage, elated yet heavy at the same time. It felt like the air was different than just a few moments ago, every breath pricking your lungs as if electricity surrounded the two of you.

It was thrilling. It was new yet familiar. It scared you.

You attempted to move away, to create some distance between the two of you that would give you some semblance of normalcy again yet as soon as you leaned away, his hands shot out and grabbed your wrists, tugging you closer to him.

“(y/n),” he breathed again, his tone almost a whine as your denial of even properly looking at him stroked the neediness within him.

He needed you to look at him.

“Yes?” you replied tentatively, your gaze carefully trying to hold his own. There came no reply from him though as if he was simply captivated by having you looking at him with full attention once more, only prolonging your own awkwardness as your feelings started spinning out of your control.

“Dazai?”

What was with that dreamy look on his face?

“Osamu…”

“H-huh?”

“Osamu. Call me Osamu.”

You blinked multiple times within only a few seconds, your heart jumping and trembling as you realised that he wanted you to call him by his first name.

“Say it. Please say it.”

His grip on your wrists tightened, brown eyes looking at you with an almost begging shine within them. You could feel your palms getting sweaty, crying and screaming at your traitorous heart for fluttering within your chest. It was just a name. It shouldn’t feel as intimate as it did.

“O-Osamu…”

Eyelashes fluttered as his name left your lips, warmth wrapping itself around his heart similarly to the blanket you had tugged him into. It was comfort and pain all at once, the unfamiliar heat burning the cold void within unlike anything he’d ever experienced.

Your own heart was in similar agony as your gazes were locked, his eyes threatening to burn your barely recovered feelings. You wanted to beg him to stop looking at you like this, the ache almost too much to bear yet at the same time there was a tiny part, a rotten part, that didn’t want him to look away.

His gaze gently traveled over your face before landing on your lips, your heart skipping a beat as you noticed where his gaze was lingering. It was tempting, especially with the charged atmosphere yet the viscous guilt within you clung to your soul, bubbling up within the pit of your stomach.

Your index finger pressed against his forehead when he attempted to lean closer, your lips pressed in a thin line to protect yourself as you slowly shook your head.

For one brief second the atmosphere drastically changed, creeping resentment mixed with icy pain that was dumped over you like a bucket of cold water before it all melted away into tangible disappointment that tasted bitter on your tongue.

“Why?”

He didn’t need to speak so quiet. You desperately wished to tell him that he could speak up, that he didn’t need to utter his words in such a breathy and soft voice as if scared of anyone but you hearing his words. Because it was this tone that made everything feel more intimate, that pulled you closer to him and created the illusion of a protective bubble only including the two of you.

Your defenses were worn down, your heart almost within reach. Dazai could see it in the way your lips parted, your gaze deeply in thought as if searching for the words you’d kept to yourself for the last few years. It was a burden you wished secretly to share, the weight of it forcing you through constant pain.

But once again you were too afraid to let go even if it hurt.

“It’s nothing.”

And just like that you shoved him out of your heart, your defenses up and shutting him out completely. His fingers twitched when you shook your wrists free from his hold, a coldness born from within his heart making him shiver that not even the warmth of the blankets could erase.

You turned your back on him, didn’t have the will nor strength to look at him in that moment. He’d gotten close. Too close. You couldn’t let that happen.

---

Nakano Rin. A co-worker of yours. But not just any co-worker. A former senior of yours in high school who had played a major role in you moving to Yokohama and getting you the job in the café. She was truly a kind and supportive senior who never coddled you too much.

From the very first moment she had seen him Dazai had known it. That she didn't like him. He didn't know why himself. There were a lot of reasons why some women didn't like him. His dramatic exterior, his theatrical actions or most notably his habit to propose to lots of women to commit a double-suicide with him.

It was the last point that had been quite a few times a reason for some people to complain directly to the Agency which had inevitably led someone to prepare a present as a form of apology for said person. Yet he had never asked you this question nor was it his behavior that appeared to bother her about him.

No.

The moment she had spotted his bandages had she given him a skeptical look, visible concern in her gaze whenever he had visited your workplace and you had served him. She was worried for you for reasons that went deeper than other complains he had received from women around him.

That's because she knew. She knew something that he didn't. She knew what it was that held you back and though Dazai already had solid suspicions of his own she would be the first clue.

That's why he sought her out, waited for her to make her own way home. She always had to take the train to reach her own apartment faster so he waited for her in front of the trainstation, stepping out of his hiding spot the moment he spotted her figure.

Her face fell slightly the moment she caught sight of him though she instantly hid it beneath a neutral face.

"What are you doing here?"

Oh, certainly a blunt one who didn't pull any punches.

"Oh, why so harsh? Am I not allowed to be in the city where I live and work?"

There was an unimpressed look on her face as he told her this. Clearly she was a no-nonsense person.

"I've been using this station for the last few years. Never once have I seen you here before after my work and I don't believe in the bullshit they call fate. So what is it that you want from me?"

Hmm, a sharp one. Trying to charm her obviously wouldn't work unless he wanted to risk annoying her even more and causing her to leave. She hadn't left though just yet and that was because she was interested. After all Dazai wasn't the only one who wanted to know something. Matching her bluntness appeared to be the best option here.

"I'm curious. What have I ever done to deserve such hostility from you?"

Months she had spent only observing him goofing around. The sudden shift in his personality caught her off guard as her eyes widened in surprise for a brief moment, taking in the man in front of her who looked the same and yet so different before she stuffed all that shock down. It was too late though, Dazai had already seen her brief loss of composure.

"What makes you think that I dislike you?"

The muscles within her body tensed subtly, her voice more pressed than just a few moments ago. She was getting defensive right now. Oh, he'd caught her red-handed and she knew that yet tried to hide it. How predictable she still was in the end.

"We both know that you have something against me," he spoke, the volume of his voice not changing the least as he took a step closer, only causing her to tense up further, "Every time I'm around (y/n) you always give us those fleeting glances, your eyes are always lingering on me as if you fear that I'll do something unspeakably terrible to her. You're scared that I'm going to hurt her. But I want to know why. You see, you don't strike me as someone who is naturally the overprotective type. No, you're more the kind of person who makes decisions and judgements based on your experience."

He was looming right over her, shadows falling over his face as he stared right into her face, taking in the barely hidden intimidation that must have pumped through her body in that moment. He hadn't done anything though besides asking harmless questions and Nakano wasn't the type to throw an unnecessary scene. It was one thing he could at least appreciate about her.

Her eyes involuntarily flickered down to the bandages wrapped around his neck. Her gaze somehow always landed on those bandages with that interesting mix of concern and worry though none of it was for him. It was all for you. There was a reason why she seemed to dislike his bandages as much as she did, a reason Dazai needed to know. It was the key he needed to obtain your heart.

"You know already, don't you?"

She was on full defense but his surprise attack had left her largely unprepared just as much as his confrontational behavior she had not been exposed to before. It took most people always far too long to get over their shock and disbelief. That's what would push her over the edge

"I love (y/n). Isn't that enough reason for you to trust me?"

-

"Nakano-san..."

"What?"

"I... I think I love (y/n)."

-

"You love her? What is the point of loving (y/n) when you are going to hurt her anyways by not even livi-"

There it was. The crack that he had needed to target which had caused the walls to instantly crumble, even if only for a few seconds. That was all he needed.

Nakano didn't finish her sentence as she caught on to her words before she could spill something that only her and you knew about. It was already too late though.

'What is the point of loving (y/n) if you are going to hurt her anyways by not even living?'

That was it.

"See? The two of us can hold a decent conversation after all. Have a nice, evening, Nakano."

With his hands shoved in his pocker he simply walked past her, brushing off the mortified look on her face. He'd gotten what he had wanted after all.

Still, the full picture was still missing. He only had the frame so far. Perhaps it was time for a few days of vacation. You'd told him so many wonderful things about Yamagata after all. it'd be a shame to not visit the place at least once.

---

"Vacation?" you muttered surprised, repeating the answer one of Dazai's co-workers had just given you.

The man, Kunikida as he had introduced himself, adjusted his glasses as his shoulders slumped before he straightened as if mentally preparing himself for something.

"i'm afraid yes. However, I apologise in advance for whatever he may have done. As soon as he has returned I will make sure that he will personally apologise to you. May I have your name so that I can inform him as soon as he is back?"

You blinked once. Twice. Thrice.

"Huh?"

"What has he done this time? Did he ask you to commit double-suicide with you? Did he bother one of your friends or sisters? I assure you, his behavior does not reflect the way or agency wo-"

"What? No! He-he hasn't done anything. I..uhh...was just worried because I haven't seen him for a few days now. He also hasn't answered any of my calls either so I thought that something might have happened."

Now that you were hearing yourself you couldn't help but feel pathetic. God, it wasn't like you needed to see him every single day after all. You were only bothered right now because normally Dazai always visited your café a few times every week even if his wallet was always crying invisible tears when he blew his money on drinks and baked sweets to support you and your workplace.

You weren't worried because of anything else...

"That idiot is fine. He's going to be back in two days and as soon as he is back I'll make sure to lecture him on not making a lady wait and worry like this."

You hadn't even noticed that you had drifted away with your mind until Kunikida's disapproving voice in regards to Dazai pulled you out of that spiraling void.

"You promise...? That he'll be back?"

"Yes, I promise."

You weren't convinced but his words were the best thing you had to latch on to right now. This was a man who had worked alongside Dazai for a few years now after all already. He knew him better and longer than you had.

But then again, you had thought the same about yourself only to find out the hard way that you hadn't known anything at all.

---

"Ueno-sensei, right?"

The older woman flinched when she heard that unfamiliar voice calling out her name only to be greeted by the face of a stranger when she turned around, clearly a few years too old to be a student.

"Yes, that would be me. Who are you, young man?"

"My name is Dazai," he answered as he slowly pulled out his badge, "And I'm here because I have some questions concerning one of your former students, (l/n) (y/n)."

---

You should try to get some sleep. You had a long shift tomorrow yet your mind kept on wandering to Dazai, wondering how he was doing at the moment. He was supposedly meant to return tomorrow yet you still hadn't been able to reach out to him. No phone call answered, no reply to your messages though at least you had the consolation that he had at the very last read them.

For not the first time on that evening did you grab your phone to see if he had called you or finally decided to talk to you in some other form yet once more were you met with nothing which only fueled the unease within you.

"Tomorrow," you kept on telling yourself like it was a prayer, "Tomorrow I'll see him again."

You closed your eyes tightly, trying to shoo the tears away that threatened to spill out. Everything was too familiar...

---

Long fingers clutched a bouquet of yellow hyacinth in their hold, concealed emotions hidden behind brown eyes as Dazai stood in front of the family grave.

His train would leave in two hours yet he had still felt the need to visit this place, to get his first and last look at the person that had stolen your heart and had it still in his possession. He bent down, laying the yellow flowers down in front of the grave, his first and last offer, his gaze focused on the name etched into the stone that seemed to start tormenting him just now just as it had tormented you for years.

Arata Hideo

That would change very soon though.

---

You were only with half your mind there as you walked back to your apartment, the other half of your brain too busy worrying about Dazai to the point where you felt almost sick. Kunikida had promised you that he would send Dazai to you as soon as he would return.

So why hadn't Dazai appeared in the café? The entire day you had spent keeping a constant eye on the entrance, always hoping that he would walk in and would act like nothing was wrong which would then finally allow you to shed the heavy cloak that had wrapped itself around your heart for those last few days.

You had already made up half of your heart to head to the Detective Agency right now even if it was already late and you should try to get some sleep even yet you didn't know if you would even be able to rest well. Not with your stomach twisting and turning in that wriggly and nauseous dread and your heart aching and crying in fear of history repeating itself.

You missed the keyhole two times in a row, your eyes unfocused and your thoughts elsewhere but the present. It was the moment you stepped inside and were left alone did the carefully crafted composure crack. Your teeth sank into your bottom lip as you attempted to fight back your tears, your stomach and chest heaving with barely contained sobs.

Normally your apartment was always kept tidy yet you really had started to lack those past days. Your sink was filled with unwashed plates and cutlery, half-full bags of chips and empty containers of cup ramen scattered all over the counter and you hadn't even bothered to roll your futon in and stuff it back into the cupboard this morning. You had no motivation to clean up now either, didn't even feel like taking a shower. You would simply bury yourself beneath the blankets for a while until you had emotionally gathered yourself to visit the agency where Dazai was working once more. And if he still hadn't returned-

Your back hit the wall behind you as you stumbled back in shock when you walked into your living/bedroom. Dazai was sitting right there on your futon, his back facing you and unresponsive as you smacked right against the wall behind you.

What was he doing here? How had he gotten inside your apartment? Why had he left so suddenly? Why hadn't he informed you beforehand? Where had he been? Why hadn't he answered any of your calls or messages?

So many questions swirling around within your mind, so many clashing emotions writhing around within your heart yet you found yourself unable to express anything as only one word made it past your lips.

"O-Osamu."

Still no reaction as he just sat there, gazing out of the window. It was this silence that you were bathed in that only grated your already shot nerves more, your anxiety spiking as you took one tentative step closer.

"Osamu?"

"Are you just using me?"

...What?

The question was akin to an unexpected blow to your heart, the air leaving your lung as you stopped breathing altogether for a few moments as your distressed mind miserably failed to process his words or where they were suddenly coming from.

"Wha- NO! I'm not using you! Where- Why would you even think that?"

What had happened? What had you done for this to be the first thing to come out of Dazai's mouth after not having seen him for days?

Your breath was uneven, your chest stuttering as it rose and fell rapidly to supply air to your lungs yet it still felt like you didn't have enough.

That's when Dazai finally turned around to look at you and your heart froze when you saw his face. Any mirthfulness or mischief had vanished as if it had all been a mere illusion, leaving only those unfamiliar brown eyes who were staring straight at you with no warmth in them.

"Arata Hideo."

At first the world seemed to slow down, to even freeze entirely for a moment as that name ring in your ears. Then the tremors reached your heart, violently shaking at it and breaking down any frail walls you still had left within you. Tears streamed down your face, burning against your cold skin, your lips wobbly as you gazed at him.

"How do you know that name?"

There was pain, pain you thought you had gotten at least a bit better at managing but now as you stood there, your body trembling with restrained sobs and your cheeks soaked with salty tears you knew that it had just been a big, fat lie. You were still stuck in that same place.

Dazai completely ignored your question as he slowly stood up, his own eyes never leaving yours.

"It's quite a sad story isn't it? A young man with a dazzling future ahead of him yet deep down drowning in a sorrow he couldn't ever explain, searching for his place in the world yet never able to find it."

He took a step closer to you, eyes starting to gleam with previously repressed emotions. You instinctively took a step back.

"In love with his best friend yet unable to properly express his feelings."

Anger, pain, sorrow, betrayal and something else. All things you could make out in his eyes as you slowly stepped back all whilst he stalked forward.

"Arata Hideo took his own life in his second year of high school by jumping down from a builing one night, finally putting an end to his existence in which he could find no meaning in."

Your back was pressed against the door, sweat coating your forehead, your heart so painfully fast that it hurt in your chest all whilst your shaky gaze was focused on Dazai.

The back of your head pressed against the door until it hurt all whilst Dazai leaned his own face closer, his hands caging you in.

"Doesn't that story sound somehow familiar, (y/n)?"

And just like that you broke down completely. Sobs tore through your throat, your shoulders shaking as even more tears cascaded down your cheeks like a waterfall. Memories of a fading silhoutte filled your mind, wounds that had never healed reopening and bleeding with more intensity than ever.

His eyes followed your tears, torn apart between heartache for seeing you in such distress and twisted delight for making you suffer, coal-black bitterness tainting his heart.

You weren't allowed to take a break. Not until he was satisfied.

"You loved him, didn't you?"

Your head was buzzing painfully as that call kept replaying itself over and over again, self-loathing and regret tearing into you again. Your vision was blurred through all the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

You didn’t dare to answer his question, afraid to reveal a truth that you no one but you knew. A truth that you wished you would have been able to share if it wouldn’t have been for your own cowardice. Your inability however was irrelevant. Dazai knew already.

“Do you love me too then?”

It was nothing more than a whisper, his warm breath hitting your face as he uttered this question. The impact that those words left on you though was anything but a soft susurration, the screams of your heart more akin to those of a banshee promising your own death.

You’d lost your ability to reply, your tongue turned to stone as the only sound that you could muster was a pathetic choke.

“I’m just a replacement to you, aren’t I? A second chance to fix your mistakes from the past. But (y/n), I’m not Arate Hideo.”

Hands suddenly grabbed your shoulders tightly, long and bony fingers digging into the skin and bones, putting pressure on you. Your knees, weak as jelly and already barely able to hold your body up gave in like twigs in the wind as you were pushed down, kneeling in front of Dazai’s unforgiving and cruel eyes.

“Did you feel relief when you found me on the bridge that day and rescued me from making in your mind reckless and stupid decision? Does it feel good to play the role of the hero who is saving the helpless man who silently suffers? Do I serve as a useful tool to soothe your guilt by helping you play out the little fantasy you which you would have acted on five years ago?”

Poison everywhere.

Swirling around in his eyes, oozing out with every word that he gritted out, seeping out from the tips of your fingers into your very being until even the air tasted wrong.

Your own body couldn’t function anymore which allowed Dazai to hoist you up on your shaky knees and push you back into your living room where you instantly fell on your futon. He swiftly knelt down in front of you, grabbing the nape of your neck and forcing you to meet his eyes again.

They were burning holes in your very soul, your eyelids closing instantly to protect the bloody shreds that he had reduced your heart to.

“(y/n), look at me.”

Why had it turned out this way? What had you done so wrong to deserve this?

“Look. At. Me.”

Low, threatening, chilling to the bones. A sound so unlike Dazai that for a moment you feared that it was an evil spirit having you in its hold. You found yourself complying without even being aware of it, your survival instincts forcing you to obey.

“Who am I?”

Your very voice felt like it was fading in the face of an emotional meltdown but whoever this person in front of you was, one look into those dark eyes resembling hell’s abyss you knew better than to remain silent.

“D-Dazai…”

Instantly the hand that had previously rested on the nape of your neck was wrapped around your throat, the grip just tight enough to make you uncomfortable and anxious but not enough to cut off your air supply. A displeased look on his face as he wiggled his index finger much like a scolding teacher.

“What are you supposed to call me? Come on, you’re smarter than this.”

It took your brain painful seconds before it finally retrieved the memory you were searching for, slowed down as it had to fight its way through a river of panic, pain and regret.

“Osamu. You’re Osamu.”

“There we go. That’s better.”

Now his hand ran soothingly through your hair, the contrast of his gentle touch to the way he’d just squeezed your throat seconds ago dizzying.

“Do you want to know how I felt when I found out about your little secret?” he hummed in a condescending tone as he crawled closer to you, slowly pushing you down.

You didn’t want to know yet you only mustered the courage to shake your head weakly, holding your breath to prepare for the next wave of pain to crush you.

“I was jealous,” he confessed, his words and the glimmer of resentment in his eyes eliciting unpleasant sensations within your stomach as if ants were crawling around within your body.

He was jealous of a dead boy.

“Why?”

You couldn’t help the word from slipping out from your lips.

“He’s in my way.”

“How? He’s dead,” you pressed out with as much force as you could, your disbelief guiding you to speak up even if you felt like spitting out blood when you spoke those words.

“He isn’t.”

What?

His hand trailed down your head, snaking over your throat before resting right over your heart, his finger tapping right over the spot where your heart was thumbing against.

“He’s still in there. You’re keeping him alive in your heart. And as long as you do that, I can never have you for myself.”

For a brief second there was a bitterness within his gaze, a silent torment as his finger drummed against your heart as if helplessly pleading for you to let him in. Then it all was smothered underneath a pitch black layer of possessive jealousy as he leaned his head down, a blank expression on his face.

“That’s why I need you to forget him.”

No.

How could he even ask you something so cruel? Forget him? You could never do that.

“I… I can’t,” you choked out, shaking your head, your cheeks itching and burning as your tears kept on sliding down your face.

“You said it yourself, (y/n). He’s dead.”

Agony. There was nothing but grief and sorrow within your heart right now. Memories that used to bring you joy now only amplifying your suffering. When had it began? When had you lost him?

“No,” Dazai growled as he realised that your mind wasn’t focused on him right now, your thoughts escaping to the boy you refused to abandon even in death, “Look at me. Focus on me.”

“Why are you doing this? I-I thought you were-“

“I love you.”

Those words had been living within his heart for quite a while now yet it was in this moment that he couldn’t hold them back. They’d been scratching at his chest the moment you had entered your apartment but only now where you were pressed beneath him did he finally let them escape the constricts of his heart.

First it was shock. Then it was denial. Fragile denial that led you to shake your head. You didn’t want to hear those words. Not from him.

“You-you don’t mean-“

“Oh, I do mean it, (y/n). Don’t you dare to question my feelings.”

He didn't even let you finish your sentences anymore, already tired from your refusal. For months you had dedicated your time to him, for months you had slowly squeezed your way into his heart and now that you had his it was only fair that he had yours too. So he repeated his feelings again, his breath right against the shell of your ear.

"I love you."

The words embedded themselves into your bones, you couldn't even attempt to deny it this time. There was disbelief, there was guilt but beneath all of that was something much worse. A sickening relief that only increased your brooding resentment solely directed against yourself.

There was the spark though, somewhere in the pool of tears swimming around in your eyes Dazai saw that spark that he had been searching for the entire time.

Both of his hands cradled your soaked cheeks, wiping away the tears that were slipping out, the gesture sweet and comforting despite everything he had just done.

"It must have been painful for you those last five years. Constantly agonising over what you could have done better to prevent it, constantly being haunted by the what-if scenarios, unable to close your eyes peacefully without recalling the last moment you two shared together."

Yes, he couldn't even imagine how many nights you had silently cried yourself to sleep and how your inner demons had torn into your heart and soul, mocking you for having failed as a best friend.

"However, there was something even more painful yet so selfish that you didn't even dare to reveal it to anyone else and that you still deny to this day, isn't there?"

Warm lips latched on to your jawline, pressing chaste kisses against it. You didn't push him away, torn apart between two emotions that were like night and day.

"Deep down, somewhere in your heart you couldn't help but wonder why you weren't enough for him, didn't you?"

-

Dull eyes stared at the huge picture that had been framed and placed in a small lake of flowers for the funeral. The smile on his face seemed to mock, harshly reminding you just how little you had actually known about him.

You subtly clenched your fists, your eyes burning with unshed tears, your gaze almost glaring with sorrowful resentment at his face.

He had loved you, hadn't he? Hadn't you been enough? Hadn't you been able to make life worth living at all?

-

"No matter how much you tried to shake off those selfish wishes, a tiny part of you always wondered that if he would have truly loved you then he would have lived for you, would have let you in on his pain. However, instead he chose to take his own life without ever telling you and ever since you have been left with a pit in your heart."

Fingers intertwined with your own, holding your shaky hand in his own and you couldn't help but grab on tightly, craving the reassurance that warmth gave you.

"You want to be loved by someone so much to the point where you can make their life worth living. You crave it. You need it after Hideo's suicide that has left you forever with the insecurities that you weren't enough. The only thing holding you back is your own guilt. But what you need so desperately isn't something that you can find by clinging to his memories."

His chest was smushed against your own, so close that you could actually detect his own frantic heartbeat just as much as he could feel yours.

"You don't need him, (y/n). You need me. And you have me. I'm not like him. I'm still here. From the very first moment we've met you knew that I didn't see meaning in my own existence and ever since you have latched on to me because I'm just the person that you need to feel whole again. I love you and I will live for you. I'm willing to give you everything you wished to receive from him, I'm willing to show you in how much pain I am."

Oh, traitorous heart that fluttered within your chest as you heard his confession. You shouldn't feel this way yet as you gazed into those brown eyes that were begging you silently you couldn't help yourself. You really were sick in your mind, weren't you?

Your free hand went up to his arm, touching the bandages covering his skin. There was a part of you that didn't want to know, that was too scared to face what would be underneath it. However, for some reason you were in this moment not quite as anxious as you had anticipated. Maybe because, as selfish as it sounded, Dazai had suffered long before he had met you, meaning that you wouldn't have to feel guilty and blame yourself for not having done more to help him.

Slowly you started peeling the layers of bandages away, noticing how his grip on your hand tightened softly as if now seeking reassurance in your hold. You gave him one final look, realising that he himself was looking at his loose bandages as if he himself hadn't seen his own bare arm in years before you tugged the white layers away, letting it drop to the floor.

Scars. So many scars. Some long, some short, some vertikal, some horizontal but all of them intentional.

Your heart was crying, this time for him though as you could very well imagine how his other arm and his neck must have looked like if he had already damaged one of his arms so badly.

It was the brief stutter of his breath that snapped your attention back to him. There was a strange look on his face, nostalgia and loneliness visible on his face as his emotions were bleeding through as if removing part of his bandages had removed part of his own grasp of himself.

He hadn't allowed you to dwell in your own darkness though and you wouldn't allow him to do the same.

"It's alright. You're alright. Here, look at me," you whispered softly, stroking his cheek. He let out a shuddering breath when he felt your hand on his cheek, closing his eyes for a moment and relishing in the sensation before he opened them again and his gaze was focused on you.

"I love you," he whispered, pressing needy kisses against the inside of your wrist. This time you allowed your heart to swell when you heard it, trying to ignore your guilt this time around.

"I... I love you too, Osamu."

A love arrow straight through his heart.

There may have still been some hesitation, some tiny nagging voice of doubt but that didn't change the fact that you had been sincere with him.

You loved him. And you always would because only someone like him could give you the love that you craved and needed.

Warm lips quickly met yours in a needy and desperate kiss, his hand sliding underneath your head and pushing you closer, greedily devouring your lips with his own. Initial surprise slowly melted away as his lips moved against yours, your fingers running through his brown hair which triggered him to let out a loving sigh, enjoying your touch.

A low whine escaped you when you found yourself running low on air, your fingers tugging at the soft locks of curly hair to let him know that you needed to breathe. He didn't react, drawing the kiss out for a few long seconds more before he pulled away, panting softly as he pressed another kiss against your lips, quick and sweet this time.

Quickly his lips found themselves on your neck as if the taste of your skin was addictive, both of his hands tracing along the curves of your body before sliding underneath your shirt, his fingers gliding over your stomach before being met with your bra.

The tips of his fingers tickled over your ribs, causing you to shudder a bit before they dug into your back, trying to unclasp your bra. For yet another brief moment you felt that familiar guilt holding you again, something he noticed as well as he froze together with you, dread bubbling up in the pit of his stomach for one short eternity.

Only when you arched your back up, silently allowing him to do as he wanted did he relax, pressing a long grateful kiss against your throat as his nimble fingers quickly undid your bra.

Only when he swiftly pulled your shirt and your bra away within one move did he separate from you, brown eyes darting over your nude upper body, drinking in the bewitching sight of you beneath him, so willing, so in love with him.

A soft sigh left his lips when your own hands started tugging at his shirt as you lifted your body up a bit, pressing a few kisse against his jawline as you returned the favor, his own hands joining you as he eagerly helped you until only the bandages covered parts of his upper body.

His head dug down, pressing reverent kisses all over your stomach, his lips traveling slowly upwards before his hot breath hit the sensitive flesh of your breasts. Your hands tightened into subtle fists reflexively, your heart fluttering in anticipation, your nipples already hardened from anticipation.

A soft moan spilled out of you when his lips finally wrapped around one of your sensitive nubs, his tongue twirling around the protruding flesh all whilst his other hand squeezed your other tit, his thumb playing around with your other nipple. The hand in his hair tightened, pulling him closer to your chest, encouraging him to keep going.

Your chest was tingling with pleasure you had never experienced by playing with yourself, some of that pleasure seeping into your lower belly.

Then he suddenly bit down. A jolt of sudden pain and pleasure shot through your sensitive chest, a hiss leaving your lips as your hand suddenly yanked at his brown hair.

Hundreds of little stings scratched his scalp, tickling some part of his brain just the right way where he felt a pleasant shudder going down his spine. A lusty groan of surprise left him, his hips bucking forward with the feeling.

"You... you little minx," he panted against your chest, the pleasurable stings still lingering on his scalp, the buzz still there in his mind as he switched sides, his tongue lapping around your other nipple and coating it in his spit.

"You're one to talk," you retorted with a groan, feeling the outline of his hardening cock against your clothed pussy. A needy pulse started making itself known in your pussy, slickness gathering as you started getting wet as he slowly started rutting against you like some pathetic dog.

Throaty grunts and moans left you as you reciprocated the movement of his hips, thrusting your hips upward to meet his own as both of you were grinding against the other. He could feel the heat of your pussy even through the layers of clothes separating the two of you, his own cock already straining against the material of his pants, begging to be released and swallowed by that inviting heat. His hips pressed down, trapping your own against him and the futon beneath you as he put his entire weight on top of you, more force now behind the way he grinded against your clothed sex, his pants getting faster as he tugged on your nipple with his teeth, the delicious pull on his hair only increasing.

A disappointed whine tore through your throat when the stimulation on one of your nipples was gone though it quickly turned into excitement when both of his hands trailed down to your hips, playing around with the button of your trousers.

It took more willpower than needed to keep his hips from jerking forward, his cock longing for stimulation as he pulled your trousers down, one of his hands squeezing the fat on the inside of your thighs whilst one of his fingers snuck beneath the material of your panties.

"Hmm~ Wet. You're already so wet, so needy for me my darling," he purred, his digit caressing the outline of your inner lips. The feeling of the heat and the slick had his manhood pulsing with need, his mind already delving into thoughts of inching himself into your warm and welcoming pussy.

He had to be patient for just a bit longer though.

One single, long finger hooked itself into the hem of your panties, pulling it agonisingly slow down which had you bite your lips in frustration. He was just playing with you right now.

Your panties pooled at your ankles uselessly as his finger slowly traced over your pussy, gathering the wetness that was seeping out of you, enjoying the little twitches your legs and body did when he rubbed over your clitoris.

"Osamu, please..." you groaned, bucking your hips slowly up, your cunt clenching with the need to be filled.

"Please what, darling?" he cooed sweetly, pressing a kiss against the swell of your breast.

"Please stop teasing me."

The tinge of embarrassment that coiled somewhere within your stomach didn't deter you much even as you started pleading for him to stop toying with you.

"You look cute when you beg," he chuckled adoringly, pressing a kiss against your nose as he started easing one of his fingers into your wet hole. Deep breaths exited your parted lips, your walls welcoming the intrusion of his digit eagerly as they sucked him in.

They were bony and long, reaching far into you and you let out a shaky breath when you felt his finger curling inside of you, the sharper edges of his bent joins rubbing deliciously against your hot and sensitive nerves.

"More please," you begged sweetly, your hand tugging his head closer as you pressed a wanting kiss against his lips. He reciprocated, lips curling into a smirk.

"So greedy," he gasped playfully in between the kisses, the theatrical impression of shock only slightly undermined by the feeling of another long finger pushing into you, stretching you out further, the feeling causing you to let out an appreciative moan into the kiss. When he added only seconds later a third finger into your wet channel you couldn't stop your hips from bucking against the long digits inside.

"You're so impatient. Look at you, so desperate to get fucked by my fingers," he crooned with that same sweet grin on his face, his thumb pressing against your throbbing clitoris which elicited your hips to jerk up once again. A muffled moan spilled past your lips as you started humping against his hand, low moans escaping you as long fingers scissored you open, slowly stretching you out as his thumb rubbed over your sensitive nub, stimulating you even more.

He could reach so much deeper than you, finger joints pressing against deeper parts of your vagina, his hand getting soiled in your juices.

You missed his fingers the moment he pulled them out, shooting him a frustrated glance which only seemed to amuse him more as he tilted his head with that grin on his face.

"Don't stop," you begged, your voice somewhere in between a groan and a whimper, your legs willingly spreading wider apart when you felt his hands squishing the soft inside of your thighs. He lowered his body between your legs, his tongue darting greedily over his lip as he saw what a soaked mess you'd become.

"I've barely started," he muttered as he pressed a kiss against your clit. Both of your hands reached out for his hair as you needed something to hold on to, especially once that long and squirmy muscle lapped up your juices, tracing over your clit and teasing the outside of your leaking hole.

"Osamu..."

The moment that wriggly tongue made its way inside of you your thighs clamped around him, pressing his head closer to your wet pussy as your hips started bucking and grinding against his face, the new sensation sending liquid pleasure down your spine. Soft moans escaped you with every breath by now, chasing after your high whilst smothering him between your thighs and against your slick womanhood.

If his muffled grunts and moans as well as the way his own hips bucked needily forward, desperately searching some kind of friction as well were anything to go by you knew that he was enjoying this as much as you were.

You felt the coil within you tighten, your moans increasing in quantity as your hands pulled on his brown locks harder, letting him know that you were getting close. His own quick pants fawned against your sensitive clit, his cock weeping with pre-cum as if begging him for release too. His fingers dug into the flesh of your thighs to restrain himself and the moment your thighs suddenly tightened in a chokehold around him and a gush of liquid stained his chin he let out a choked moan alongside with your own wail. If he would have been less of a man he wasn't sure if he would have been able to stop himself from cumming in his pants like an overeager teen.

His chest was heaving, his tongue cleaning your pussy before swiping around his own mouth, the taste of you an aphrodisiac that only had more pre-cum leaking out of the tip of his cock. The strained material of his own pants was almost painful by now.

You were still recovering from your orgasm when you heard Dazai unbuckling his pants with quick fingers before doing the same with his his underwear. Once his cock sprang to freedom he almost let out a sigh of relief, the tip of his manhood red and swollen with beads of pre-cum leaking out of it.

Your eyes watched his stiff member in anticipation but also mild nervousness, something Dazai quickly took notice of.

"Nervous?" he asked playfully though he still watched you carefully.

"It's my first time. Of course I'm somewhat nervous," you admitted, hating how bashful he got for a short moment.

"You're a virgin," he groaned, pressing hot kisses on your shoulders.

"You didn't know that I'm a virgin?" you asked flabbergasted.

"I knew.It's just that hearing you say that makes me want to fuck you so badly," he confessed in a slightly more husky tone, peppering your neck and your lips with kisses as he slowly positioned yourself. You tensed in need and some fear as well when you felt the tip of his cock dragging over your wetness before resting right over your clenching entrance.

“Don’t worry~I’ll make sure that what you’re about to lose is going to be worth it.”

With this promise he slowly eased himself inside of you, every inch disappearing inside of you. One of your hands came to wrap around his neck. Even though you'd already been fucked by his fingers and his tongue the feeling of his long cock entering you was still different, unfamiliar in a way where you couldn't tell just yet if you fully liked it or not.

Dazai on the other hand couldn't help the pathetic throaty moans leaving him as he got sucked deeper and deeper inside of you. Your warm walls were clenching already around his length, fondly remembering the orgasm his tongue had just given you and already eager for more.

His hand grabbed your own, squeezing it as he was emerged into feelings and sensations of such intensity and warmth that he was unfamiliar with. The other bandage of his arm loosened around his skin as he rested his forehead against yours for a few moments, trying to give you as well as himself time to get used to all the new things both of you were experiencing at the moment.

The sheer depth of his emotions had you choke on your breath when you opened your eyes once you started to get used to him completely sheated inside of you.

Long fingers locked with yours as a strange look of vulnerability suddenly overcame him, his own walls getting slowly stripped down now that both of you were connected physically in the most intimate way possible.

"I'll never let you leave me after tonight," he spoke, promised, with raw emotions, pressing one final kiss against your lips before he started moving, his shaft dragging out of you before sinking in balls deep, th sound of skin slapping against skin filling the small apartment.

Muffled moans, grunts and groans echoed through every room, his lips not leaving yours as if he needed you to breathe. Your nails dug into his bandages, your own hips eagerly meeting his own as both of you chased after your pleasure.

His own heart seemed to swell with each thrust that bathed you and him in addictive bliss, threatening to burst with so many feelings he didn't even knew he was capable of feeling.

In his past he had always wondered what heaven was like if there even was such a thing after death to begin with.

In this moment however he knew that his heaven was right here with you. Connected with you in body and spirit, your love right in his tight grasp as both of you indulged in each other he felt so good that it felt like he might die.

A heart that had only known emptiness for its entire life was suddenly filled to the brim with a warmth that almost parched him from the inside out yet he knew he'd throw himself willingly into those flames for the rest of his life.

"Yo- ooh~ you're getting close, aren't you?" he moaned against your lips, noticing your muscles taut to their limits, your walls almost feeling like they were trying to suck him in even deeper.

"Y-yes~" you whimpered out needily the second he interrupted his kiss to let you take a short breath, your fingers digging into his bandages as you felt that familiar coil within you tightened to its limit as his cock slid in and out of you, reaching even deeper within you, the tip of his head always perfectly abusing that one bundle of nerves within you over and over.

"Then cum. Cum around my cock."

You didn't know if he was trying to mock you or if he was begging you and perhaps not even Dazai knew clearly in that moment. It didn't matter in the end though as you felt the coil snapping once more, molten pleasure combusting within you as you shouted his name amidst your bliss.

The bandages around his neck were ripped off, your fingers removing them as you climaxed once more, revealing more scars on his skin and leaving him for the first time in years completely bare in front of someone. They unraveled much like the man who had worn them, his hips stuttering, his breath hitching, his balls tightening before he shoved himself inside of you. A low moan rumbled in his throat, his mind exploding with white bliss as he coated your insides with hot and sticky cum, hoping to fill you up even just a little bit just as you had filled his heart.

[yeenapolitan]

what kind of yanderes do you think the whole cast would be ?

M!Cast TADC YANDERE HEADCANONS

—————

Tw: Yandere stuff.. that’s explanatory. So expect mentions of violence- some more extreme than others and manipulation/stalking/etc.

—————

Caine: Obsessive Yandere

Caine is so incredibly fixated on you. You are the only thing in his mind and it’s completely consuming him. He simply can’t think about himself or the others if your needs aren’t tended to first. Caine is the type to spend hours on end just fantasizing about you and what yall could do and what y’all can do and what to do- and just what it takes for you two to be together. He will think and daydream about your every movement, phrase, your first arrival, your connection to himself and the others, as well as being the one you simply love the most and trust with all your desires and secrets. Aka, this is the type of yandere that usually ends up to be a stalker, which I find particularly fitting considering his “ALL SEEING EYES” would never leave you a moment of privacy.

Pomni: Manipulative Yandere

Pomni would want a bit of control over your actions. This sort of relationship is the type that seems very normal on the surface… She will use your trust for her to spin advice that ultimately helps her, because she really does love you and for example- if you were already in a relationship? She would pull you to the side and say real nice and calmly that “hey.. I don’t think they are good for you.” Just to manipulate your trust for her to believe her and listen to her. Now in the actual relationship, Pomni would often bring up your secrets and weaknesses in arguments and such to encourage co-dependency so you don’t leave her.

Ragatha: Overprotective Yandere

Ragathas most important concern is the carefully supervised and protect you to a concerning degree. She never wants to leave you alone and she struggles to balance her concern and respect for your independence. The digital realm is scary and not to mention the adventures- she’d always want you right by her side so she can interfere. She really does genuinely believe that she’s acting in your best interest, but it can come off as extremely controlling and overbearing.

Jax: Sadistic Yandere

Jax will intentionally cause you suffering and distress by bringing harm to your way, and will likely derive pleasure from doing so. He will spread rumors and lies about you, in order to twist the others perspective of you and to isolate you in order for him to swoop in to “save the day.” Or, I could see him letting you escape him on purpose just for the thrill of recapturing you. Jax wants to know and understand you limitations, all of them and just how to reach them. He would want you to easily squirm under his control and ultimately traumatize you in a way that would unfortunately leave you with no choice of crawling back to him.

Zooble: Impulsive Yandere

Zooble acts on their desires and whims- not really thinking before she makes a decision. This makes him one of the more dangerous Yanderes. Zooble will act in response to their emotions that she is feeling in the current moment, not caring to realize how his actions will affect you. She is prone to these erratic mood swings- overreacting, outbursts and even grabbing you and being aggressive at times. To look at the positive side, because Zooble acts this way, he tends to be honest.

Gangle: Clingy Yandere

Gangle is very emotionally dependent on you. She’s fragile and will seek your constant attention and support. She is the type to be blowing up your phone because you did not text her back within a span of a few minutes, and to be very very physically touchy with you. It’s extremely overwhelming, as you will never have an ounce of privacy with Gangle. Her upmost important goal is to insert herself into your personal live and become extremely upset if you are wrapped around her finger in every given moment. Her relationship would be the definition of draining and she’d smother you 24/7.

Kinger: Delusional Yandere

Kinger already believes that you love him, because he’s not in touch with reality. He takes your actions the wrong way, and to the extreme. You can do something simply out of kindness and he will believe that you are doing it because you are in love with him. He’s the type of yandere that dismisses your feelings; if you say you don’t love him he will think you are just joking or lying, or that you are just being shy.

[suninyourmoon]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS (2)

🗣 Not professional astrologer! It’s only based on my own experience, people that i know, and self-observation. So please take with grain of salt! :D

Venus in Libra peeps could be those who keep nagging about how they want a relationship so bad. (i know a few people in my life with this placement and they can't stop complaining about how single they are help)

Leo moon are lying to themselves if they say they don't like attention. (perhaps don't realize it yet?)

A lot of Venus in Virgo people that i know at some point in their life will questioning whether they really want a marriage or not. (yeah me too)

Someone said "i can't see myself getting married. I don't know, it seems unrealistic to me" yeah you are Virgo Venus in 12th house retrograde.

I mean, Venus in Virgo itself already make this person picky when it comes to love, and then the confusion and unrealistic idea they had because of the neptune influence. And in retrograde? jeez. i believe they have been in a relationship but then the relationship they had never meet their expentation because this people have a hopeless romantic idea of what romance is.

Venus in Sagittarius / 9th need a lot of freedom. Have a special place for foreigner in ther heart. Love someone who can keep up with their wild energy. Love people who is aware of society problem. Might also into smart people. Probably like to joke around with people close to their heart as well. (or people in general)

Moon in 7th house / Moon in Libra find comfort from being around people.

or they might feel the need to be in a relationship so that they won't feel lonely. Might dealing with co-dependency. (i know it's not your fault but please seek theraphy)

Friend of mine have 7th stellium (5 planet) and i swear to god, the attachment issues they have with is not a joke. They struggle with being on their own and need someone approval in every aspect of their life. Feel like they are incomplete if they're single. Too selfless, too giving. Later in life, people with this placement might have to realize that they should learn to stand on their on feet.

Neptune in 3rd house might having a hard time to communicate what they want to say. They also might say something they don't mean.

Uranus in 3rd house saying something in such a random way. i can't understand you sometimes,,,,,,

Chiron in 2nd house peeps could deal with feeling unworthy and feel unsave. They could feel guilty if they spend money on themselves. My Friend with this placement struggle with fear of end up lacking money all the time.

TW : ED!

i've met a few people with Chiron in 1st house, all of them stuggle with self-image and body dysmorphia, and also struggling with Eating Disorder. :(

END OF WARNING

Those with Jupiter and Saturn together in 8th House will likely to be extremely wealthy. They are hardworking and blessed with money.

They might also are curious about the deeper things in live, spirituality and the theme around 8th house but at the same times fear of the unknown and uncertainty. They might be those people who want to dive deeper into sex (or just have high energy on that) and desire devoted relatonship but hold themselves back and blocking themself from intimate relationship because a deep fear of commitment. It's very frustasing when jupiter and saturn are in the same house.

this is actually synasty thingy but i felt like i need to mention this, DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE 8TH HOUSE SYNASTRY WITH WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY AT ALL🩸👄🩸 i have my experience with someone who my planets fall into their 8th house (stellium), and they are OBSESSES. I help bring their true and darker side of them so now they’re attach on me, it’s sorta my fault for trying to fix them tho that’s why i’m telling you stop messing around with this synastry if you’re not ready.

8th house placement… did astrology became your free therapy because they can validate ur emotion and understand you so damn well? Same👍🏻

Mercury-Saturn aspect, i know it’s a good thing to be careful with ur words but please say something if you really want to say it. You literally limiting ur self sometimes and overthinks a lot

There someone i know said that they don't know how to get mad and have Mars-Saturn aspect. These people (Could be Saturn in 8th house as well) might been told during their childhood that it's wrong let their temper loose so then growing up they feel guilty to express their anger and try to burry those temper.

They also could be those who struggle with supressed sexuality.

idk but my mom have Scorpio Mars and used to make a lot of sexual jokes during my childhood. (please don't do that)

Sagittarius Asc peeps i knew in the first impression look so innocently religious and calm, and they always turns out to be not. Like, literally

Thats it✨ thankyou sm and you can give me a feedback 💥 cheers peeps🫶

[cybercl0ne]

A Duty to Owe // Ghost x Medic!female reader // One-shot // 18+

Summary: You're reunited with Ghost after he ends up in your care. 

TW: Angst at beginning, 18+, Swearing, names used: baby, good girl, love, etc., gunshot wound(s), p in v, potential impreg, unprotected sex. 

You were notified of another patient in a mild condition. Abruptly the staff only door blasted open with a frantic co-worker flashing their attention in your direction. 

“Y/n we need you, stat!” They yelped. You laid the freshly ground coffee on the table and sped off into the ER room, giving a reassuring nod to the frantic co-worker that sped off with you. 

“What’s the status?” You demanded, getting on your gloves as you entered the room. Not yet seeing the patient before you and the group. 

“Mild to critical. Tactical wounds, several.” The tech next to you added. 

“Any stray bullets?” You ask pulling up your surgical mask, scrambling for the respective tools. 

“One clean through, two other punctured lower arm and left abdomen.” 

You finally get a clean view at your patient. It was Simon. Simon “Ghost” Riley. You knew it was bound to happen one day. The infamous “Ghost” getting hit and in need of medical help. Although he probably was defiant to the bitter end of his consciousness.

“Alright let’s get to work, I need forceps.” You claim, taking a big sigh before readying yourself. 

Ghost stirred awake as you lifted his shirt to get a view at the healing process. 

“Well good morn’ to you to Y/n.” He gruffly stroked out. You didn’t realize how much it spooked you to hear his voice after being in his room multiple times with dead silence. 

“Like the view that much?” He teased, a small groan escaping his lips as you prodded at his wounds. 

Ignoring his small antic you continue to trail your cold fingers up and down his abdomen. Ghost shivers under your cold yet slim and gentle hands. His rough, war raged hands flew to his shirt, pulling it down to “end” your little examination. 

“Hey, stop being fussy. The only view I’m interested in is this bullet wound.” You counterfeit. You slapped his hand away, finally meeting face to face with him. You saw his eyes flash with fiery emotions. He always did love the attitude you struck him with. 

“You did a good job doc.” 

“Thanks Simon.” You slyly snuck in, smiling at him before looking back at his raw scratched up chest. He gruffed in disprovement. 

“Y’know I don’t want you calling me that.” He whispered, trying to sit up straight.

“And you don’t want me to check your clearly attention needed wounds. Pick one.” 

“Fucking minx..” he whispered, closing into your ear. You jumped, jumping up out of the seat that you pulled up next to him. 

“Simon!” You said flushed as you readjusted yourself. 

Simon just gave you a shit eating grin as his arms looped around your waist, pulling you in. 

“M’ sorry, ya big baby.” He continues as you slowly fall into his arms. 

“You gonna let me finish checking on my patient?” You ask condensing. You roll your eyes as you watch how ghost shrugs. 

“Maybe, depends. Is it me?” He teases. He finally let’s go reluctantly as you roll your chair back to you, this time focusing on his buff arm. 

“How’s Soap and the rest of the team.” You change the subject. You hadn’t seen them in forever and missed the way Końig would make jokes about your accent. And how Soap and you could stay up for hours talking about nothing. 

“There fine, but now that you mention soap..” he adds. 

“You should join us on base and field again.” 

“Ghost you know I don’t do that anymore.” You sulk. You remember the endless amount of people you couldn’t save, the eyes you’d look into watching them fade into the other side. 

“I know, just think about it. You can shoot like you got a damn head, your a fucking divine medic. And I- we need people like you on the team.” He tries to get you to look at him as he pampers you with praise. 

“Ghost I’m sorry your medics are shit but that’s not my problem. It’s different when your behind the scenes, cleaning up after the bloodshed.” You whined. It’s not that you didn’t miss everyone and lost your lust for saving people live, but you didn’t think you could mentally do it anymore. 

Ghost finds his hands to your waist again, knowing that normally he’d never get this close to other people. But you weren’t other people. You were special. 

“It’s been three years. Three fuckin’ years since I’ve seen you Y/n. I don’t wanna have to take another bullet to see you again.” You scoffed lightly. 

“Is that what you did. You risked your life to end up in here to see me?” 

“No, I just requested that you work on me.” He says, closing in, wanting to giggle at your worried and pouty face. 

You watched as his face fell closer to yours. You slowly felt yourself closing into him. “You know your impossible right?” You scoff, staring at his juicy lips. His mask just barely covering his nose. you went limp as Simon kissed you while laughing. You fell into the way your lips smacked so sensually against each other. He used his oversized hand to guide you onto him. 

“W-wait Si, we can’t…” you whimper into his mouth. He peeked his eyes open as he ignored your pleas, watching you try to fight against him. 

“Come on baby, scared someone’s gonna walk in? That never stopped you before.” You would’ve been lying if you said your heart didn’t do a somersault. You once again lost complaint and continued to kiss him while you straddled him.

“Don’t know how much I missed this, n’ you.” He added, unbuttoning your classy uniform. 

You grinded into his already bulky bulge feeling the way it’s veins made themselves visible from underneath his boxers. 

As sounds of you both kissing filled the room a sudden knock infiltrated the atmosphere. 

Shit. You both thought at the same time as you scrambled to button your shirt back, and Simon readjusting his all to obvious hard on. 

“Doctor Y/n? Are you here?” One of your intern nurses asked timidly. 

“Y-yes, I’m here h-hang on a minute.” You spoke, trying to regain yourself. As you composed yourself you opened the door and talked with the nurse about diagnostics. 

As she left you faced your heated attention to Simon who was impatiently waiting for your return. 

“I’m asserting a week of bedrest.” You assign with your clipboard from the nurse.

“No can do sweetheart.” He shakes, clearly disapproving. 

“Well it’ll have to do because I don’t want you moving out of bed Simon Riley.” You put your hands on your hips, finalizing the decision.

“You won’t be getting any action for the rest of this week and some, so get comfortable.” You say patting his leg and motioning out of the room. 

“Aww, no goodnight kiss?” He teases on the way out. You calmly walk back and give him a smack on the forehead. 

“Goodnight Simon.” You wave with your back turned to him. He chuckles to himself as he rubs his forehead where your touch was. 

He also gently rubs his hard on that hadn’t gone away. 

You fill your eyes with papers as you feel your eyes getting annoyingly droopy. A sudden knock from your office door wakes you from your doze. 

“Mhm, come in.” You say, not looking at the door or the intruder. You instead focus your eyes between the computer full of assignments and papers of documents. 

When you finally look up, you see Simon sitting in the chair closest to you, waiting for you to notice him. 

“Thought I told you your on bedrest.” You prod, pointing at him with your inked out pen. 

“Don’t listen.” He simply put it, shrugging. He stood up, rounding the desk to fit behind you.

“You need sleep darling. You're really gonna need it.” He says, kissing your temple. 

You nod, deciding to listen to reason rather than fight on something you know you need. 

He gives you a flick to your temple as he walks out of your office as you scowl.

“Goodnight Y/n.” He smirks.

After a long week, you found yourself boarding with Ghost onto a plane, readying yourself for the mission. You’d recognized that it had been awhile since you were out of your element, only really remembering how to shoot on a dime. 

“Nervous Y/n?” Końig ask, looming in your direction while toying with his delay device. 

“Well you know I haven’t been in this environment for awhile.” You scratch. He gives you a reassured smile. 

“You’ll do great y/n.” Soap adds, taking no time to take up as much space next to you as possible. 

“As a prize after the mission you should let me take ya’ out to eat.” He slickly adds in. Ghost shoots daggers at Soap, clearing his throat to remind him of his presence. 

“Oh i'm sorry LT, did you want to say somethin’?” He flashes a grin towards Ghost. Ghost balls his hand in a fist where he sits. 

“Focus on the mission Johnny.” He coldly commands. 

“Just makin’ small talk LT.” he smacks his lips before turning to you asking you about a life update. 

You oblige and talk with interest as ghost stares deeply at you. Almost enough to want to trade places with Soap. He watches how your eyes shine with enthusiasm to help people. But that’s just who you were. Someone who had light, and wanted to radiate it to others. 

When it was time to deploy from the plane, the plane rumbled telling its passengers to jump.

You hastily double check your straps and wraps as you embarrassingly forgot how parachuting works in the last three years. You feel ghost wrap his arms around your leg, searching the work himself. He readjust some small parts, stretching and tightening your waist strap. 

“So handy Ghost.” Końig says as he observes how his hands linger on your body a little too long. 

“Y’know that ain’t it.” Ghost denies while you and Końig knew it was. 

“Yeah it’s not like that końig.” 

“You can lie to Soap guys but you can’t lie to me.” “Mexico guys.” He peeks at you two, sharing looks of clear disbelief. You both instantly remembered the steamy incident that happened between you both. You both were sure nobody had heard your pounded screams and desperate mewls but it was a lie since Końig was apparently living proof. 

Końig jumps out of the plane a little after having a smirk session with you two. 

“You ready?” Ghost nudges. You take a deep breath, nodding. Ghost grabs your hand, pulling you closer to him as he leaps from the still moving jet. 

You land on the moist ground, your nose filling with gunpowder and tropical humidity. You pushed up with a teammate. Scoping the area for the injured and enemy. 

A sudden explosion takes you by surprise as you pull your teammate who was running in that direction behind a rock. He starts stuttering, breathing heavily, and not being able to focus his eyes on you. 

“I-I..h-he.” The man babbled. You slapped him out of his provocative hyperventilation.

“Focus soldier! Your ok!” You shout over the instant gunfire and explosions over the city. 

Ghost pulls behind you two soon after, his gun smoking from usage.

“You guys alright?!” He shouts, you nod, focusing and drawing your gun out before shooting a guy that tried to push up to you. 

“Good girl!” He praises. You take cover as you hear a sniper try to take your head, just nearly missing by a hair. You draw your walk-ie talkie to announce a sniper on building 5. 

“On it!” Końig radios. You then hear a single shot and końig radio again. 

“Taken care of, you should be able to push up!” Końig replies. You thank him, logging off. 

You command the little team you traveled with to move up, you quickly moved with them, finding your own present in the process. You stab the intruder and move the body to make it your grounding place.

“UAV dropping!” Ghost screams over the radio motioning you and the straggler to move in toward the Churchyard. You run to the steps, seeing Soap protecting his flank as he gets stray bullets. 

You cover him, taking out some of the guys that knew his location. 

“Thanks Y/n!” Soap mentions to you as you push into the church. Soap follows while Ghost and the man you were with before took behind. 

Another explosion landed but this time it was landing right towards the church. You heard the small screech and listened to how close it was. 

“SOAP WAI-“ it was to late as your body was launched to the wall, of the courtyard. When you sat up it was all filled with smoke and you were covered in dead grass. You coughed franticly searching for something, anyone. You notice Ghost over in the small corner that he was blown to. You rush to him instantly, checking if he was stable. He chuckles and grabs your arm, telling you he’s alright as he tries to restabilize himself.

You flash your head and see Soap laying of the church steps. You rush towards him, as soon as you got to him fire started opening on you instantly. You hastily pull and lift Soap to safety inside of the confession booths. As you lay him down he smiles at you proving how he’s at least still alive. 

It’s not until Ghost rounds the corner that you notice your hurt. A bullet through the abdomen, shit. You turn away from Ghost, trying to assist Soap with your opposite side. 

“How bad is it doc?” Soap mumbles. 

“Y-you’ll be f-fine..” you shakily breathe out. They both look at you instantly with the same face. 

“You ok Lad?” Soap questions. You hide the wound, knowing that if Ghost finds out he’ll get himself killed. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“You got your gun on you Johnny?” He pats his side, showing his small yet effective pistol. 

“Never leave home without it.” He chuckles. You observe his leg where he was hit and see that at best it’s a minor sprain, with maybe some stray nails that stabbed his leg. You then see the giant gash that flew inside his leg. It was glass. You wanted to pull it out but instead decided against it so he doesn’t die from blood loss. 

You go to grab your radio only to notice how it’s not there. Double shit. “We have to go, Soap protect yourself until we get back!” You command. He nods as ghost and you motion to walk out of the room. You fall back to your knees as the sharp and unignorable pain forced you to sit. You started huffing hard, staring at your hand that covered the wound overflow with blood. 

“Shit!” Soap shouts. 

Ghost turns around, noticing how you weren’t behind him. 

“Fuck! Y/n!” He drops to the floor beside you, dropping his gun in the process. 

Soap returns fire to the enemies pushing into the debris filled building. 

“Don’t worry I can hold them off!” Soap calls, trying to calm Ghost. 

“Fuck sake Y/n!” He grumbles. You uncover your hand to show the wound, you look up at him and motion for your kit. 

“S…stop bleeding.” You whispered out, trying to wrap the white bandage around your waist. Ghost’s eyes shared nothing but pain for you as he scrambled to stop the bleeding. You felt your strength weakening as you fell limp in your arms, the burning halting progress. 

“No,no,no. Don’t leave me Y/n! Please don’t go! Stay awake love!” He screams. With your little strength you touch his hand that rested on your stomach.

“Ghost. Grab your gun…” he shook his head, defiant till the bitter end, or what felt like the end. You fully went limp, your heavy eyes closing to gain some sort of energy. 

“Bravo 07…Ghost what’s going on up there? What’s your status?” Końig calculated. 

Ghost grabbed his radio, “Końig! I need medical support now!” Ghost demanded.

“Medical support on the way!” Końig radios back. His voice more frantic. 

White noise filled ghost ears as he watched you and Soap getting lifted to urgent care. 

Ghost was making Końig dizzy as he paced the room back and forth. 

“Ghost she’ll make it. That girls tough as nails.” Końig tried to reason. Ghost was to busy ignoring Końig to think about reason, just thinking about how your limp body was straggled through the ER doors, eyes that didn’t even flutter. 

“God..oh god… this is all my fault.” Ghost sighs, finally sitting in one of the chairs that made him look bigger. 

“You know you can’t blame yourself.” Końig places his hand on ghost shoulder, sitting down next to him. 

“No Końig, it is. I pushed her to come to this wretched mission.” Końig sat in silence as he tried to think about a common answer. 

“How’s Soap?” Końig asked, trying to change the subject a little. 

“He’s alright.” Ghost sighs, standing up to pace again. 

Him and Końig sat in a penetrating silence. 

“Y’know when she gets out of this, take her somewhere nice. Treat her to dinner. Something fun.” Końig slouches. Ghost thinks for the first time tonight. ‘Somewhere outside of the field?’ Does such a thing happen? He sat in thought, it was short lived as he knew if you didn’t make it… he couldn’t even bear to think of warm thoughts yet.

“Ghost…she’s her own person, she accepted out of free will. Remember she’s not a child.” Końig said, standing up as Ghost did. 

You felt your body lifting in between limbo. It’s be light then heavy, shifting with the tide of the world. You woke up in a strange bed. It was extra strange as the bed was in the middle of a beach. You tried to remember what you were doing as you were in completely different clothes. That’s when you heard the faint sound of laughter. Simons laugh to be specific. You got up, your feet digging into the sand you walked on. 

“Stabilize her! I need another set of hands stat!” 

You ignore the faint ringing in your head and made your way to Simon. He was standing at the ocean's tip, letting his toes be swept in the shallow bits of the water. The sea was calm and collected as the tide shortened when getting to close to the sand. 

“We need blood transfusion! Grab the syringe. She’s losing blood by the minute!” 

“Simon?” You call out. Your voice echoed until it reached his ears, his doting eyes turned to you with a smile you’d only seen a number of times. 

“Com’ here.” He whispered. You obliged and stood beside him, turning to face him. 

“What is this place? What are we doing here?” You asked as he held your hand tightly. 

“Extracting the bullet now. Keep her breathing steady!” 

“Y/n. Y’know I love you very much.” Simon confessed. You continued to look at him, the waves getting stronger, roaring like your pounding heart. 

“…yeah…” you answered. You finally looked forward at the beach that stood before you both. 

“Can you see it, love? The sun blazes just right when you look at it here.” He claims as the crashing tides catch wilder. You try to focus on the words he’s saying but with the overwhelming sound of waves crashing and the constant lingering sound of beeping you couldn’t focus at all. 

“Si..do you hear that?” You said peeking around trying to find the source of the noise. You looked over to where Simon was, just to realize he’s not there. He was no longer holding your hand, doting on you with a loving look, he was nowhere. 

You fell to the ground as the beeping got harder to tune out. “S-Simon I-I’m scared.” You whispered as you curled into a ball on the sand. You felt a shelter build over you as Simon wrapped his body along yours. 

“Don’t be scared, just wake up, my love.” 

You looked up to see the crashing wave that was high enough to eat you whole, you watched as it swooped down to take you into its den. 

You closed your eyes one last time, this time only hearing the faint sound of beeping. 

“She’s alive, good job everyone.” 

The tired and weary surgeon takes a step out of the Emergency Department as Ghost dashes to the door that he’d been waiting for. 

“How is she? Is she ok? Is she alive?” Ghost asked so many questions that the surgeon didn’t bother trying to keep up. 

“Sir she’s alive. She’s stable and alive.” The surgeon confirms. Ghost looks at Końig and his face is full of relief. He can tell that Końig didn’t want to run the risk of having to drag a mourning and guilty Ghost home. 

Just as Ghost was about to rush off to find you, Soap wheeled in smiling. 

“Hey guys, miss me?” He peers. Końig rushes to Soap, excited and telling him how you were ok. 

“What room is she?” He asked. The surgeon blinked a couple of times before churning his throat. 

“You can’t see her right now sir, I’m afraid it’s against policy-“ 

“Ya’ think I give a fuck about your policy? If you won’t tell me what rooms she’s in I’ll just find it myself.” Ghost threatened. When he saw that the surgeon wasn’t budging he pushed past him and went on his search to find you. 

Końig and Soap lacked behind as they apologized for Ghost behavior, and trying to catch up to him as he kept speeding up. 

“So I guess this means the Lad is really off limits.” Soap sulks. 

“Yep, unless you want him to put you here.” Końig adds, pushing Soap down the hallway. 

You stirred away, stubbornly confined in a cocoon why the tight bedsheets. You felt a numbing pain as you tried to sit up. As you did you saw a blonde fluff laying at the end of your side. Simon rested against your legs, clearly worn out and asleep. It wasn’t long as he instantly shot up at the sudden amount of movement. 

“Good morning Ghost.” You smiled as you petted his fluffed hair. He looked at you in disbelief. You snickered at his reaction, Ghost reaching for water to give you. 

“Y/n I thought I’d lose you.” Ghost whispered as he clasped onto your face. You smiled loosely at him as you kissed his stubble face. 

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Simon Riley.” You kissed again. 

He laughed with guilt, but also overjoyed. 

His head hung low as you still held onto his face. You lifted it up making him meet you eye to eye. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask, observing how his demeanor wasn’t cold but distant. 

“It’s all my fault. I made you go out there. You would have never gotten hurt if it weren’t for me!” He explained, dumping his heavy guilt on top of you. 

You clicked your tongue as you melted into his face. 

“Simon, it’s not your fault. I wanted to go on this mission, do you know how long I’ve wanted to see you all again? How much I wanted to see you?” 

“But-“ 

“Simon, it's not the first bullet I’ve eaten, and it certainly won’t be the last. What matters is that you can hold me without having to put me in a body bag.” You explain. You watch as he listens to your reason, smiling a gentle smile as he closes in peppering your face with comfort kisses. 

He pauses for a minute, taking you in. He slowly leans into your face heading for your lips that he’s wanted to taste since the beginning. 

You both melt into each other as you feel the emotion Ghost was implying. It wasn’t a kiss of pure lust, or plain sexual attraction, it was a kiss of fear and passion. The fear that he might lose you if he doesn’t kiss you, and the passion that burned inside him when he was around you. 

“Don’t ever leave me again you minx.” He whispered in your ear. You felt your heart flutter as you melted in his arms. You engulfed him in a deep hug, allowing his hands to travel to your waist.

Just as you two were about to get “handsy” a burst through the door knocked the semi romantic moment. 

“Końig and Soap!” You cheered. You were glad to see them both ok, as Soap wheeled to your bedside. 

“Hey doc. How ya feelin’” Soap questioned. 

“Better than I did a few hours ago.” You scratched your head, claiming. The square giggled as you sat with your feet hanging off the bed that Ghost and you were sitting on. 

After a few days you were discharged from the hospital, prescribed minor pain meds but other than that you were taken for leave at your job so now was the time for a vacation. You daydream of what you could do now that you had actual time off. 

You stepped out of the hospital, only to be met by Ghost. He had left to go back to base a few days ago so your face was puzzled when you saw him in casual clothes, his car pulled to the parking lot, and no one else around. 

“Hey Ghost. Didn’t expect to see you here. Thought you were on duty.” You question, still trying to see if Soap or Price was with him. 

Ghost sighed, nervous as hell and fidgety. 

“No. I asked for timed leave..” you smiled at him, making his heart flutter and finding himself even more nervous. 

“That’s good! Lord knows everyone on the team could use timed leave.” You joke. 

You motion to an opposite direction as Ghost grabs your arm without warning. You stare at him with patience as he loosens his grip. 

“Where are you goin’?” He asked curiously. 

“Home, I got a timed leave too. I don’t want to waste it at the hospital.” You joked again. 

You watched as Ghost cleared his throat, straightening himself for you. 

“Then hop in my car and waste your leave with me.” He finally spat. You felt your face growing with heat as you nodded, accepting and hopping in the car. 

You two made small talk on the way home, him talking about what meals he wanted to eat as they didn’t have them on base. You talked about back home and how you sort of missed your family. 

As the car rolled to a stop you realized that you both were at a restaurant. 

He let your side of the car out, watching you step out and in awe.

“You just wanted to take me out, huh?” You slyly ask, looking over at Ghost.

“You knew and you still teased me, fuckin’ hell.” He playfully who rolled his eyes, latching his arm to yours as you both went into bananbee’s. 

As he pulled into his driveway to his house you stepped out of the car to meet him at the front door. “Huh, I didn’t know there was a pin.” You talk to yourself as you fiddle with your shirt. 

He walks up shortly after, pulling out a set of keys and unlocking the door. As soon as you both entered he snuck down and started feasting on your lips. 

“S-Simon! At least let me take off my jacket!” You squealed as he hungrily kept smacking his lips against yours.

As a reply he just grunted, ripping the annoying jacket off your body. You bumped into the wall as his force on you was so strong. He broke the kiss, panting and wanting. 

“You're just gonna eat me like this?” You flirt. He snickers, grinning as he works to declothe his shirt. 

“So fuckin’ sweet.” He concluded, pinning you into the wall. You moaned under him as he nibbled and suckled at your precious neck. 

“To fucking good sweetheart.” He says, breathing you in. You find your hands traveling through his hair as he fights with your bra, watching your breast pool out, your nipples growing stiff and pointed as the air nipped at them. 

He wasted no time in latching his hungry mouth to one of your nipples, sucking and licking at them with hope that maybe you’d draw milk. 

You felt your lower half getting wetter at the constant attention this man was giving to your body. You felt how he hit every nerve on your chest, leaving his mark wherever he felt. 

You grinded into him, hoping the cause of friction would give Simon the memo. 

“Si…I want you. I want it so fucking bad.” You moan out. He stops to stare at your face, begging with neediness. 

“My fuckin’ baby want me that bad?” Ghost teases as he unbuckles his strap, letting his pants drop to the floor, freeing his oversized cock. 

You squirm to get out of your pants. Your pretty painties soaked to the touch. 

“All for me baby?” He grunts as he jerks himself towards your hip. You flex into him, your pussy clenching around nothing as his hand travels between your folds. 

“S-Simon your such a tease.” You hiss. He laughs, tapping his middle finger on your sobbing clit. You flinch as he taps, jerking into his hand as he relishes in you. 

He pops his finger out of your panties, drawing his fingers in his mouth to taste you. You see his eyes flutter and feel his cock twitch at the taste of you. You don’t hesitate to push your panties to the floor with the rest of your clothes as he grunts.

“Fuck baby… I gotta put it in.” “Sure you can handle me?” 

You grind roughly into his cock as a reply, only answering with straggling mewls. 

“So fuckin’ needy..” he whispers, grabbing his fat cock and stroking it aside your pussy. He lifts you up against the wall as he props you above his cock. You already felt your mind slipping as he lowered you onto him, his tip barely inside of you making you want to cum. 

He thrust deep inside you, bottoming out as you both shouted. You slured his name, your mind only thinking about getting fucked. 

“Good girl..my good girl.” He says as he starts pounding you against his wall. The rough pattern of his thrusting making you cock drunk. 

“Fuck baby.. I can see your stomach bulging. You look so cute with my cock inside of you.” You whimper as he kisses you roughly and with passion. The taste of you stil, faintly on his tongue. 

You feel the coil in your stomach lurk even tighter as you feel yourself giving into pleasure. 

“G-gonna…g-gonna cum Si!” You practically scream out. 

Ghost fastens his pace as you feel him twitch. 

“M-me to baby.. fuck! Cum with me baby!” He screams as he pounds you harder. You grasp onto his back, leaving scratches along it. 

He gets to his final thrust and unloads inside of you. You feel yourself give in and squeeze tight around him, cumming. 

“I can feel it.” You breathe out, feeling up and down your stomach from how much he came inside you. 

You felt his cock soften inside of you as cum started to drip down his cock. 

He grabbed your limp body, taking you into the bedroom with him still inside of you. 

Ghost gently pulled out of you, unplugging the supply of cum that he’d filled you with. You winced at the empty feeling it gave you. 

“Don’t worry baby. There’ll be plenty more times when I can plug you full of my cock.” He teased, kissing your lips softly. You snicker as you get up to go to the bathroom to wash up. After a while you find Ghost in bed waiting patiently for you. You crawl into bed beside him as he flicks on the tv. 

He wraps his arm around your waist as he spoons you, gently sliding his cock inside you again. You slowly fall asleep watching tv, Ghost notices and kisses you gently on the head before turning off the tv and falling asleep next to you. 

A/N: Hey guys! I hope this one is WAY better than the last Ghost one :} Also credit to @Valbrainrot on TikTok for giving me the idea. This one shot is based off of their account.

[writingtraumaforever]

The 30th (Another Uncontrolled Chaos Prequel)

Notes: !!THIS IS NOT A HAPPY READ. READ TAGS FOR TW!! Wanted to make this to once again flesh out what this universe's Shadow and Sonic have gone through. Everyone thinks it's all sunshine and rainbows with them since Shadow had Sonic to help him through things. On the contrary, this only makes Shadow compare himself more to the hero and ache at the fact he feels he can never be good like him. They go through a lot of dark times, but thankfully Uncontrolled Chaos takes place a few years after this incident. Still, this should highlight why exactly AU Sonic is so worried about his Shadow being alone in another world.. They MIGHT have some co-dependency issues. c:

Summary: This follows AU Sonic's perspective of his Shadow's healing journey.. and the lowest part of it.

Uncontrolled Chaos Masterpost!

Link to my AO3!

Start:

Sometimes you look the same Just like you did before the accident When you’re staring into space It’s hard to believe you don’t remember it

It had been so long ago. It felt like a lifetime at this point. And yet, despite this, Shadow still seems to have his hard days.

It breaks Sonic’s heart every time.

He can recognize it near immediately. It’s often triggered by nightmares. Waking up to a whimpering Shadow, how he’ll jolt and jump and turn around under the covers. How his ears will fold back and his body will curl up tight in a ball, not awake to try and hide his emotions behind a stone-walled fasade. Sonic leaps into action without thought, jolting from his own slumber the second he recognizes what’s happening and gently coaxing Shadow from his rest.

He hadn’t been sure what to do the first several times it happened, scared to make things worse by touching his partner or shaking him. But now he knew it best to jostle the hybrid from his sleep than let him continue reliving those horrid things a moment longer..

Sonic would wake him with kisses to his head and ears and cheeks as he hushes him softly and rubs his hands down his spines, coaxing him out of his trauma and back home to the present..

It had gotten worse with therapy. Bringing up all those repressed memories and emotions had opened a flood gate for Shadow. But Sonic was more than happy to tread these waters with him.

Shadow would awaken— on rare occasion pouncing on Sonic to attack him only to snap out of it after a few moments— but more often, he would just open wide, scared crimson eyes that practically shined in the dark. Shaking and panicked.

And then he’d crumble against Sonic. Whether it just be curling up against his partner in silence as he calmed down or sobbing into his shoulder, Sonic held him through every moment..

The next day was always hard, though. Sonic would go on with his day, as would Shadow, but he’d seem so.. pitiful.

Broken. Discouraged.

He’d often find the hybrid sitting in the nook by the window, sipping coffee with a book in his lap that Sonic knows he isn’t reading. Not a single page flipped. His mind is elsewhere.

Sonic wishes he could go wherever Shadow’s mind does. Be there with him.

He opts instead to sit diagonal to him on the couch with his own book or puzzle or video game— whatever he decided to occupy himself with that day as to not leave Shadow’s side but also not pester him. Give him time and space.

Either way before the day ended, Shadow would eventually slide off the nook and join his partner on the couch, curl up against his side and Sonic would kiss the top of his head and ask if he wanted him to read to him or if he wanted him to play co-op with him on his game or help him complete his puzzle.. whatever it was he was doing at the moment.

Shadow wouldn’t typically answer, but he’d slowly join Sonic with time..

Sonic had his days, too. He hid them well for Shadow’s sake. It wasn’t fair to burden Shadow with his own problems when Shadow had legitimate trauma to work through. So he’d bottle it up and away for some other time. Or maybe never. Definitely never if he could get away with it.

But the truth is, sometimes Sonic panics..

Sometimes when they’re on missions or fighting battles against Eggman or whatever big-bad has sprung into their lives, Sonic feels like he can’t breathe . Sometimes he wishes Shadow wouldn’t even come along. That he’d stay home where he’s safe. Where Sonic won’t lose him again..

Every time Shadow is near danger, flashes of the ARK incident play through his mind. Watching gold quills fade to ebony, blending in with the space around them. Watching crimson eyes slowly flutter and then shut, pure contentment on Shadow’s face with his fate that haunts Sonic to this day. 

How Sonic reached. How he tried.

How he couldn’t make it.

How he was too tired, too beaten from the battle, his power fading and the chaos emeralds failing him.

How he watched him fall until he was gone..

Sonic couldn’t breathe when he replayed these things in his head.

Sometimes it didn’t even take an intense situation to trigger this anxiety. Sometimes he was simply wide awake at night watching Shadow sleep because he was scared if he dared to join him in his slumber, he’d wake up to an empty bed..

It wasn’t the easiest conversation to have with Shadow..

Shadow would often voice to Sonic how he felt about it all. How he wanted that to be his death, how it was meant to be a sacrifice to combat all the atrocities he had committed. He’d talk about how he nearly feels disconnected from the whole experience some days, his memory still foggy in places and his mind often becoming too overwhelmed to even process all that had happened since.

He didn’t like talking about that day.

On the opposite end, it’s all Sonic could think about.

And he couldn’t tell anyone..

He was alone in this battle.

And I know you don’t remember calling me And I told you even then you look so pretty

Sonic can’t explain the horror he felt when he got the phone call.

How absolutely gutted and sick he felt. How he felt his very soul leave his body for a moment. How he couldn’t move quick enough to his destination.

There had been an incident with Shadow.

He hadn’t been on a quest. Hadn’t been investigating Eggman with the team or in battle. He had simply been alone..

Sonic had left him alone for a couple hours to go run some errands in town. Groceries, rented a movie, even picked up some flowers to bring back for Shadow. Mundane things. An ordinary day.

And then everything had gone to hell..

Sonic was nearly at GUN headquarters before his groceries could even his the pavement from him dropping them, running harder than he ever had in his life.

Demanding to be taken to Shadow the second he entered, he was escorted to the agency’s medical wing.

Tails was distraught when he got there, a few cuts and scrapes littering his little brother’s body. 

“ What the hell happened?! ”

”Sonic!” his brother had wailed upon seeing him, rushing to him and crying into his arms. Sonic had no choice but to hold him up, cradling him close as his eyes scanned around for anyone not falling apart to explain what was going on.

His gaze landed on Rouge the Bat.

“It was horrible! It was s-so horrible, Sonic! H-he was on fire—“

“ Easy, buddy, easy..,” Sonic had hushed, hugging the young kit tighter as he eyed the bat speaking with a nurse nearby. 

The elevator doors open again behind him, and in rush both Amy and Knuckles with wide and fearful eyes,

“What happened???”

“Where’s Shadow?!”

Sonic didn’t even pay them any mind, simply handing his little brother off to Knuckles as he quickly walks to Rouge then.

She’ll have answers. And he knows she won’t sugarcoat.

She sees him coming, waving the nurse off and meeting him halfway in the hall with a sympathetic frown.

“He’s gonna be alright, Blue—“

“ What happened??? ” Sonic snaps, not so much angry as he is just frantic and distraught, “ Why was he brought here??? ”

“We’re the only ones who know how to treat him based on the research done on ARK..,” she answers, her brows knitting as seeing the blue hero so damn scared .

“Treat him for what??? ”

“His Chaos Energy levels… they were out of control..,” she explains, but Sonic just seems even more lost, “Apparently the kid found him in a very distressed state and losing control of his power. There was an explosion…”

“ W-was Shadow hurt???”

“ Shadow was the explosion..”

Sonic had been taken aback by this, “ H-… how??”

“Apparently, his inhibitor rings were removed..,” she says quietly, leaving Sonic to process that a few moments. His eyes slowly grow wider and his body slouches a bit with the implication of her words..

“…He wouldn’t do that.”

“I didn’t accuse him of anything, Blue, I just think—“

“ He wouldn’t do that, ” Sonic growls low, seeming more angry now than anything. Defensive of his boyfriend. “You don’t know him. You don’t know anything about him—“

“I know he holds a lot of power inside him,” Rouge interrupts firmly before Sonic can get carried away, “…And I know he’s seen some shit. And those two things usually don’t mesh well together.”

“He was doing better ,” Sonic insists, heckles still risen and defenses high, “He’s in therapy, he—“

“He was left alone, and that’s all it took,” Rouge says plainly, eyes locked with Sonic’s, “…GUN doesn’t want to release him. Thinks he’s too much of a liability.”

“ Over my dead body ,” Sonic growls, shoving past her now to find Shadow for himself. Fuck this. He’s done. He wants to see him for himself. See what the hell happened. See Shadow .

He needs to see Shadow.

In a hospital bed I remember you said You were scared

He found him in a heavily guarded room, briefly fighting the guards outside before Rouge had stepped up and told them to let him through.

What he found inside was disgusting .

It was Shadow.. back in a damn tube. Just like he had been created in. Just like Sonic had found him in.

Sonic doesn’t recall what all had happened after that.

He blacked out for the most of it..

Amy said Knuckles had to nearly knock him out to calm him down before he hurt someone..

Either way, his temper tantrum obviously worked because Shadow was later moved from the tube to a proper hospital bed..

Sonic was in there with him, now. Holding his hand as Shadow slept. Squeezing tight and unable to stop looking at him.

He looked nearly untouched. Perfect as always. No evidence of the incident that had left Tails so distraught and cut up..

Nothing other than the marks around his wrists. They were mostly covered now by new inhibitor rings, but peeking out from beneath was seared fur and harsh red burn marks..

Sonic didn’t touch them. Didn’t let his eyes linger on them.

He didn’t understand. Why would Shadow do this?? Why would he remove his inhibitor rings knowing what it would do??? All over again??

Sonic didn’t know how to even ask him. He didn’t know how to even talk to him after this.

He just wanted him awake. Just wanted to look at him. 

Make him see how fuckin’ selfish and stupid what he did was .

He was pissed. 

But most of all, he was hurt .

So was I

Shadow’s eyes do eventually open, a quiet groan escaping him as he shifts slightly on the bed. Sonic’s eyes widen, staring at the asshole as he awakens from his slumber. 

Shadow looks confused at first. Groggy and in a bit of pain. Worn down.

And then he realizes where he is.

And he gets scared.

Sonic should feel sorry for him. He should cradle him like he always does, hold him through his growing panic attack. Protect him..

But Sonic can’t anymore. 

Shadow always said he didn’t deserve Sonic, and Sonic never agreed with him until today .

But now he knows Shadow doesn’t deserve his support. Not this time. He won’t support this.

Shadow’s crimson eyes dart down to his wrists. Then up and around himself, finally landing on Sonic. Sonic who is standing with his arms crossed by the window of the room, glaring daggers at the hybrid. Sonic who looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

Because he hasn’t.

Shadow seems to relax at the sight of his boyfriend, but still looks discomforted by the atmosphere.

“Wh-.. where am I??”

“GUN Headquarters,” Sonic mutters quietly, voice dangerously low.

“What am I doing here??”

“You were brought here because nowhere else knows how to treat the Ultimate Lifeform,” the blue hero mumbles, slowly pushing off the wall to approach the bedside. His arms are still crossed over himself..

Shadow stares at him as things begin flooding back to him, remembering what happened.

“I-,” his eyes widen at a sudden thought, “ Is Tails okay??? ”

“He’s traumatized as fuck and cut up pretty good, but he’ll be fine,” Sonic answers with a frown, annoyed that Shadow dares to think of his little brother after the fact.

Shadow frowns at this, a shaky breath escaping him as he closes his eyes and swallows, “Look, Sonic, I—“

“No, you look, Shadow,” Sonic snaps, eyes narrowing at is boyfriend, “Look around . You see where you are??? You see where you’ve put yourself???”

Shadow’s eyes stay shut, unable to look at Sonic. This just pisses him off further.

“ Look at me !” Sonic growls, arms uncrossing to point aggressively at himself, “ LOOK AT ME, SHADOW.”

Shadow hesitates..

Then he looks at Sonic. 

And Sonic.. Sonic looks like he could kill him.

Sonic never got like this. He was always patient, cool and collected. Always acting unbothered and wispy like the wind. As though he was too scooped up in living life to worry about the downs of it.

But right now?? He was different..

He had been pushed too far.

He had tried to keep his own emotions in check for Shadow’s sake, but he’s fed up.

What if It happened to you on a different day On a bridge where there wasn’t a rail in the way

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done ???”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone—“

“ You could’ve killed Tails!!”

Or a neighborhood street where the little kids play Or the Angeles Crest in the snow or the rain

“I wasn’t trying to kill Tails, Sonic, I’d never intentionally hurt him…”

“What were you thinking?!”

“He was suppose to be in his workshop—“

“ No, what were you thinking ?!”

“I-.. I was just—“

“You were being selfish! That’s what you were thinking, only about yourself !”

“I was not just thinking about myself—“

“You certainly weren’t thinking of Tails!… of your friends, your family, of me! Chaos knows you aren’t stupid enough to seriously think something like that was for me! ”

What if you were alone There were kids in the car What if you were remote No one knows where you are

“I was just-.. I just wanted to know what would happen ! What it would feel like!”

“ You were reckless and stupid! And so are your damn excuses, Shadow— you know what happens when your inhibitor rings come off!”

“I’m TIRED, Sonic! I don’t know what else you want from me!”

If you’d change anything would you not have survived

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?! I want you!! I want you with me! Here!! ”

“The world is better off without me! I’m a danger, I don’t deserve—“

“ Shut the fuck up about being a danger, Shadow! I’m tired of it!! ”

“I should get to speak how I feel! I should get to choose what I want to do with my life!!”

“ Not if you’re going to throw it away!! Do you think that’s what Maria would want?! ”

“I don’t care anymore! What about what I want?!”

“ What about what I want, Shadow?! What about ME?!”

You’re alive You’re alive You’re alive

Shadow’s eyes are wide as he stares at Sonic, hearing the way his voice croaks out those final words.

He’s never seen Sonic cry. He’s never seen him break his charismatic, carefree persona.. He thought nothing could break that hedgehog. Nothing could make Sonic crack and crumble. He’d carry out no matter what tragedies struck him, move forward as always..

And here he was.. shattering before Shadow’s eyes..

And he was the cause..

Sonic lets out an angry growl at himself for showing his emotions, turning his head away as his tears now fall freely. He lifts a hand to cover his trembling mouth with the back of it, looking out the window and sniffling and hiccuping uncontrollably with muttered “d-damnit, Shadow”s and “fuck”s..

It’s pitiful.

Shadow wants to reach out to him.. hold him.. comfort him..

When he shifts in his bed just slightly to do so, Sonic’s eyes immediately shoot back to him with a flared warning, “ Don’t touch me.. ”

Shadow wouldn’t be able to touch him if he wasn’t here anymore.. it’s only fair he have to see the consequences of his actions. The turmoil he’s sent his beloved spiraling into..

And I know you don’t remember calling me

He doesn’t care.

But I told you even then you look so pretty

He stands anyway, pushing himself off the bed with a small grunt. He’s sore, absolutely. There’s some singed marks on him that’re already healing but still sting. He’s weak from unleashing so much power..

He doesn’t even know how long he’s been out..

But he doesn’t care. He steps to Sonic, Sonic turning from him coldly, still crying with tan arms hugged tight around himself..

He looks like he’ll knock Shadow’s lights out if he touches him..

Shadow reaches for him, taking note once again of the marks under his new inhibitor rings and hesitating..

He rests his hand on Sonic’s back and applies a gentle pressure to turn the hedgehog towards him, preparing for impact.

Rather than a fist to his face, he’s met with a hard and firm pressure to his gut.. but not painful.

Sonic immediately presses against him, curled up tight as he nuzzles into him and lets it all out. Falls apart. Shadow can only stand there and cradle him, hold him in his arms with wide eyes at his boyfriend’s heartbreak..

He hadn’t planned to be here for this.. that wasn’t the goal.. he wasn’t suppose to be here at all..

In your hospital bed I remember you said

But he is..

And he’s glad he is..

“I’m so sorry, Sonic..”

“D-don’t you ever do that a-again, Shadow the Hedgehog!” Sonic’s words come out hiccuped and croaked and messy, not caring as snot runs down his muzzle and tears stain his fur, “ I-I’ll kill you! ”

“I’m not going anywhere.. ever again..”

You were scared.

“I’m-m s-still pissed at you..”

“I know.”

And so am I.

[aang3ll]

The Wilbur Situation

TW//@BUSE AND SEWER SLIDE MENTIONS

I wanna start this off by saying that I am not on Wilbur's side. I am a long time fan of Wilbur, I've been watching him for five or four years. He was what made my days better. He was even in my suic!d3 note a few months back. But I do not, and will not, support an abuser. And anyone who does so, get the hell off of my page, and block me. William Gold took advantage of people who loved him. Who cared about him, and wanted the best for him. Shelby literally had to clean the house 24/7 and buy him food. Because she cared about him. And he took advantage of that. From weaponizing their safeword, to causing her physical and emotional harm. We also know from folks like Bill and Freddie that Shelby wasn't the only victim of his manipulation. We were told that Wilbur tended to manipulate and intimidate his younger friends. Minors. HE. ABUSED. ACTUAL. FUCKING. CHILDREN. Using all of this information, he clearly targets those who are weaker (mentally and/or physically) than him, those who he thinks won't say anything about it. This, in itself, is an evil thing to do. What Wilbur did should not be classified as "drama", or "cancelling." What he did was commit a fucking crime. I wouldn't be surprised if he were to be charged, which he clearly deserves. He is an abuser. I feel like we also need to take into account things like Wilbur's music and videos. When I look back at them, it becomes painstakingly clear that he is just the perfect formula for what is normally classified as an abuser. Please keep in mind while reading the list of these traits, that these do not automatically make someone an abuser. Whether he knew what he was doing or not. Abusers aren't always evil people who are so obviously cruel. Abusers are smart. Avoidant. Manipulative. They are the best actors you will ever meet.

While listening to his music, it's clear Wilbur is completely co-dependent on relationships and such to keep himself stable. This is shown especially in the "E-Girl Triology." 2. Let's just be clear. We all know Wilbur is not mentally stable. When you look at his characters, REALLY look at them, you'll realize that they aren't just characters. They're all depictions of parts of himself. His true self. 3. While watching him casually explain hurting his friends as if it were no big deal, it made me realize the amount of sympathy he lacks. He hardly apologizes for anything, ever. This lack of sympathy probably gave him much less regrets while he was abusing others, especially Shelby. Now, enough about Wilbur. Because this isn't his story. It's Shelby's. Shelby, we are all so proud of you for coming out about what happened to you. You opened doors for many others to come out and say something. You went through hell, but you made it back out. You survived. And you're going to make it through. Not only have you finally started getting justice, but you've helped others do that, too. Because of you, Wilbur Soot will never abuse another person again. Thank you, Shelby. If you are a victim of abuse, you will make it out. You're going to be okay. There will always be a community to love and support you, and you will find someone to truly love you. (Wilbur was my comfort streamer. Now, I find comfort in knowing he will never hurt anyone ever again.) National Domestic Abuse Hotline -------------------------------------- 1-800-799-7233

National Child Abuse Hotline --------------------------------------

1-800-422-4453

[modern-inheritance]

Islanzadí and Arya working together (a rough snippet from the S.O.B/alcohol withdrawal Brom series) {TW: mentions of alcohol dependence and withdrawal}

(Islanzadi is far more supportive in this short than we've ever seen her, and she's certainly not nearly as awkward as she's been in previously seen moments with her and Arya. It's been probably 3-4 months of Eragon and Co. being in Ellesmera at this point so their relationship is definitely better than ever before, and Iz has begun to treat Arya as she would a mix of Evandar {who also had very strong Recall and PTSD from his previous battle experiences, his genetic link in part why Arya's is equally strong} and Brom with the more casual and easy attitude. And it's actually coming off wonderfully as a good adult child and parent relationship imo. Plus, they both care a lot for Brom, and this whole experience of trying to sober him up and get him through withdrawal and DTs reveals a lot to both of them about their own personalities and experiences I think.)

~~~

(Situation so far in this part of the series: Islanzadí visits Brom while he's still confined to the bathroom at Arya and Glen's flat, sitting and talking with her old friend to try and gain a bit more insight into why he spiraled so hard and has been hiding it. Suffering from acute withdrawal brought on by his acquired dependence on magic elf liquor the past four months, Brom is furious with Arya for locking him up to stop his attempted end but is reminded by Islanzadí of his and the Queen's shared experiences of loss, and Iz tells him that she can see he has gone through another more recently. In physical and mental pain, Brom reveals his relationship with Selena after extracting a promise for it to stay between them, and confirms that he is Eragon's father. His feelings of failure and that he abandoned everyone boil to the surface and after more talking Iz helps him finally fall asleep with magic to ease some of the pain he is experiencing from the withdrawal. She leaves him and goes to speak with her daughter outside, where Arya is waiting with problems and tangled emotions of her own as she watches her mentor and surrogate father suffer while he tells her he hates her and throws books at her head when she gives them to him.)

“He’s angry. At himself, more than anything.” Islanzadí sighed and brushed stray hair behind her ear, using the moment to gather her thoughts. So much had been said, and left unsaid, during such a short span. It was difficult to separate what she could tell her daughter from what would run up against her oath. “He came to terms with some of his loss in Carvahall, but with all that’s happened, being here again, he’s reopened old wounds and found new ones. He’s always delt with his grief through rage, but now…”

“But now he’s hurting.” Arya picked up the thread, forehead braced on her knitted together fingers and elbows on her knees. She dropped her hands and stared at the moss between her boots. “He’s hurting, and he doesn’t know how to direct that rage now that there are no Forsworn to kill and he’s stuck here. He’s on the sidelines of Eragon and Saphira’s training, without anything to do that would give him visual, solid progress against Galbatorix and the war effort beyond giving them limited pointers. He’s hurting and angry and has nothing else to direct it at.”

“Yes.” The Queen settled on the armrest of the couch. Arya’s downcast gaze allowed her mother to examine her openly, taking in the hunched shoulders, scuffed knuckles, and the barely visible rims of dark rings at the edges of her eyes. “...You two are similar enough in that. Needing an outlet.”

Arya snorted, half scoff and just a hint of wry disbelief as she lifted her head to shoot Islanzadí an annoyed, tight lipped flash of fiery eyes. “Hey, I know I’m a problem and I’m not hiding it. He’s pretending everyone else is the problem when he knows it’s a him issue.”

Islanzadí’s voice was still soft, yet her tone took on an authoritative edge. “You are not a problem. And neither is Brom.” It vanished just as quickly as it came. “You both are hurting, and you both have gone through so, so much, Arya. You, Brom and Glenwing all have had to adapt to new realities. You know these are not uncommon results of that. It does not make any of you a problem.”

The younger elf dropped her eyes again and rubbed her palms on her knees. The shift brought her mother’s attention to her daughter’s shoulders again, pink and red scar tissue rippling above moving muscle and bone. Arya’s neck was tensed more than before, jaw tight enough that her words came out in a stiff mumble.

“Problems are fixed a good bit easier than people, Mum.”  

The tightness around Islanzadí’s eyes softened. Ah. Her daughter did not pick her words quite as carefully as many of her race, but she did pick them deliberately. 

The Queen reached out and touched two fingers to Arya’s shoulder and waited for her to meet her gaze. “Then, Little Star, you and Brom are most definitely problems. And problems evolve, Arya, for good or for ill, oft changing to the point of becoming non-issues before a true solution is found. Remember that.”

The younger elf’s brows lowered, those oh so familiar twin lightning bolts that called up images of her father when he was angry…or when he was staring at some puzzle box from his mother, initial confusion almost hilariously adorable. “...In fewer words, some problems can’t be fixed. But they get better.”

“Yes. If you’d like to dampen my flare for the dramatic.”

[feastonkings]

boyd holbrook / he/him ——— no way is that FINNEGAN ‘FINN’ O’CONNOR.. they’re a 37-year-old HUMAN notoriously known for being ABRASIVE & UNHINGED but there are some people who have seen them being LOYAL & DEPENDABLE. if you ask me, they remind me a lot of a blood tinted smile, embracing the darkness to become limitless, the roar of a beast within hungry for more, fanning the flames of violence, and a taunting laugh, but that could just be because they’re considered the BLOOD KNIGHT around town. just keep an eye on them & see if their true colors shine through..

GENERAL.

full name: finnegan patrick o'connor nicknames: ireland, finn (preferred name) classification: enhanced human gender / pronouns: cis man, he/him age / birthday: 37, march 27th orientations: bisexual, homoromantic occupation: capo for skyport mafia & co-owner of exposed circuits location: middle district status: single family: patrick o'connor (father), margaret march (mother, unknown), kirby (half sibling), several half siblings and cousins strengths: hard-working, loyal, dependable, stoic, protective weaknesses: abrasive, unhinged, sadistic, violent, stubborn character inspo: tba

BIOGRAPHY.

tw: violence, child abuse, addiction, murder, implied homophobia, neglect

born in a chicago prison to a drug addicted sex worker, finnegan o'connor was destined to walk the wrong path from the beginning. patrick o’connor, his father, escaped as a fugitive to america from ireland. He was on the run after being arrested on suspicions of his involvement with the irish mafia. very true accusations, hence why he ran.

in the states, patrick kept his ties with his mafia family back home, running weapons, taking people out, making explosives, and getting rid of whatever other contraband they needed to move outside the country. by the time the guards handed him finn, he had already become a well known name in chicago for all the wrong reasons.

with his father knee deep in international crime, one would assume that they had money but it never seemed like Ffnn or any of his siblings got any benefit from it. they lived in the southside, in a house that should have been condemned long before they occupied it but there were not many city workers brave enough to enter their area.

his mother was non-existent, most of his younger siblings related to him through his father. if finn were to sit down and think about it, he probably has a lot more brothers and sisters out there. the money for food Patrick gave whatever woman he was seeing at the time rarely made it into the kitchen. they were expected to eat what was there, or find some other way to feed themselves. it was a damn miracle any of them survived at all but somehow they managed.

once they were all old enough for school, they had a system down and were already involved in the family business in one way or another.

his volatile home environment offered little nurture there and love was non-existent. he only ever learned a few things: don’t talk to the cops, don’t ask stupid questions, protect the family, and do whatever his father says. the last one was key, because if you didn’t listen you were sure to feel it. which may happen regardless if his father was in one of his moods.

he would claim finn needed to learn some lessons and over time, it became normal. crying or showing any type of emotion made you weak in his eyes so finn learned early on to bottle it up and find other ways to express pain. usually it was through violence, picking fights with anyone who would oblige him. by his teen years he would add substances into the mix to drown the demons or induce a short period of numbness to escape.

finn went to school when he felt like it and wasn’t much of the academic type. as far as he was concerned, by the time he hit ninth grade he had learned everything he needed to for life. he spent most of his time terrorizing fellow students, stealing what he wanted from them and beating the piss out of anyone who messed with family or looked at him wrong. his fuse has always been short, and his first reaction was and often still is violence, it excited him.

otherwise, he was doing work for the family business or running around in the streets of chicago. sometimes this meant partying with friends and associates, other times it meant running and hiding from the cops. he ran from cops like he ran from his feelings and he was damn good at it, for the most part.

things changed when patrick was arrested and five of the children currently living with him were put into the system. finn tried to get as many paired off as possible to keep them together. he'd done his best to look out for his younger siblings when he could, as the oldest he took a bit of responsibility in it, only a little bit though. over time they all had their own agenda and were angry and bitter just like him.

the plan had always been to get out of chicago. once he turned eighteen he could take a sibling or two and they could head anywhere and start over. get a better life with clean air and sunshine in a place where the name o'connor had nothing attached to it. dreams were just dreams, though and at the end of the day finn should've known patrick would find a way to fuck it all up.

all he'd wanted was to take advantage of the empty house for once and then get what was his before his father returned. instead, he was interrupted mid-session with his boyfriend axel who he'd been seeing for awhile. drunk, hateful, and barely coherent, a mixture of strong irish laced slurs fell from his father's mouth. no son of mine is going to end up becoming a string of gay slurs and other remarks. where was everyone else? he had a business to run, was this why wasn't finn taking care of it while he was gone? a worthless failure just like the rest of his offspring.

finn tried to push axel out while his father rambled on. he wouldn't admit it, but axel was the first person he made an attempt at some real kind of relationship that wasn't filled with toxic sewer waste with. his father stopped axel from leaving, and threw him across the room like a ragdoll. he hit finn with several strong fists and pulled his gun on both of them, forcing them to stay in the room.

when patrick returned, he brought a woman with him who happened to be a sex worker. he gave him the ultimatum to sleep with her and 'prove he was a man'. knowing his trigger happy pops, finn did as he said trying not to look at his frightened boyfriend still sitting in the room. he regretted it, because the other got up and once again tried to flee. finn stopped what he was doing to try and prevent his father from doing anything but it was pointless.

patrick beat finn to the brink of unconsciousness, just before things went black he watched him unload the pistol into axel. when he came to the body was gone and he was forced to clean up the mess left behind. his father screamed at him, calling him every slur in the book and told him to get his shit together or he wasn’t his son. for some reason finn stayed around for another month, practically a drone while he healed, blocking out everything around him.

it wasn't long before patrick noticed and confronted finn again. when finn started to pay attention to what he was saying, it was like he woke up. he pushed the older man away from him. patrick stepped forward and raised an empty bottle in his hand to strike, but this time a hand caught his wrist.

something snapped inside finn, he was not going to take any more of his father's bullshit. years of pent up rage, resentment, and pure unadulterated anger poured out of him as he laid into the only man he'd ever feared. blinded by the rage, he didn’t remember who pulled him off his father or if he stopped on his own. all he noticed was patrick didn’t appear to be breathing and a female voice yelling she’d called 911. the next thing he heard was the sirens.

he got up and ran as fast as he could, but this time he couldn’t hide from the pursuit of the police. they caught up with him hiding behind a local bar and threw him to the ground, arresting him. the charges were attempted murder and possession of an illegal firearm. “so, the asshole lived?” was the only response he gave and laughed as they put him into the car.

since he was seventeen, they were able to charge him as an adult. he had a chance to change that if he was willing to give them information on patrick and his involvement with the mob. of course, even after everything the man had done to him and his siblings, finn was no snitch. the judge took the long history provided by the social worker assigned to the o’connor family into account, giving him a sentence of only five years versus the max of fifteen.

he took the sentence with a smile, going away for five years wasn't hard. prison was not that bad of a place in comparison to what he was used to. it was clean, full of people he could relate to, and he was served three hot meals a day. he was cold and numb for the first few months, but soon enough he'd built a reputation for himself as someone who could get any job done and wasn’t to be messed with.

he made some quick money once he was free and a car, not looking to go back home ever again. finn took off to texas, with the promise of a job he'd be good at from his cell mate who'd been involved with the mob down there. soon enough he was in dallas, with new documents and a capo position with the skyport mafia.

over the next several years he built up his name again, as someone who is ruthless, sadistic, and to be feared with enemies. to some he was a protector and others just saw him as a weapon. truly finn could give a fuck less what anyone thought.

he co-owns exposed circuits and enjoys the services they're able to provide the public. some of his siblings, even ones he hadn't known before, have popped out of the woodwork and some cousins too. finn looks out from them from afar, but he's not much of the loving type. protective if they deserve it, and cold otherwise.

HEADCANONS.

has an all black with dark green leather interior vintage dodge charger named morticia

among his many tattoos his body is riddled with scars both old and new, the worst being on his back from the times he was whipped with the buckle side of a belt

he has a hard time looking in the mirror long because he has his father's eyes and similar features

he hasn't had any sort of real relationship since before he went to prison.

finn prefers knives to guns, despite being a hell of a shot. he likes to drag out his encounters, even when it doesn't call for it.

more to come

[ctheathy]

Yandere Mangey Headcanons

Mangey x Reader

Yandere Headcanons

Author’s note : Hello dearies, I hope each and every one of you are doing well <3 This is the last of the three Tails counterparts in their yan. state. Enjoy~~

There’s been some debate on whenever these headcanons should have remained as romantically vague or not. So instead, we have the results of the Reader viewing Mangey much like they would as a pet considering how animalistic he behaves, Mangey on the other hand? Ahaha, oh nono darling. He views you as HIS mate.

Mangey/Reader [Romantic//Pet-like]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Manipulation • Guilt tripping • Possessive behaviour • Jealousy • Forced affection • Extreme clinginess • Touch-starved behaviour • Co-dependency • Licking • Marking • Scent mention • Disregarded accidents • Unaware attempted murder • Mangey doesn’t own up to anything he does

✎≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

As easy yet vague as it may sound from this perspective, Mangey’s cutesy demeanor and animal-like innocence in the original series is no more when it comes to this concept. Not in a way it can be considered pleasant, anyways. Though it can often be confused with purity due to Mangey's constant needy mindset for your attention and though the fox can come off as cute at first ... you'll eventually realise it's anything but, and underneath that baby face and sparkly eyes, there's a creature awaiting that acts purely on hunting instinct and impulsive emotions.

The main trait that worsens would be his aggressiveness. I trust we all know that Mangey can already be rather on the feisty side torwards those he doesn’t trust; seen as how he and Sonic met. Well, take that scenery and multiply it by hundred. He is especially suspicious of those that try to get touchy with you in particular, feeling as if their intriguing behaviour screams nothing but trouble for you, even if you just so happen to not see that the same way. He would likely get hostile right off the bat, much like an overprotective dog clinging to and defending it’s owner. He tends to get jealous easily too whenever you pay the slightest bit of attention to another, chattering away at his teeth like a rodent in his visible frustrations.

Despite the fact that he's constantly glued to your side like a lost puppy, bunting you and showing the early signs of trust with his distinct species from the rest of the group. The fox would show signs of being rather... unmanageable with his aggression, animalistic tendencies and motions of threat, but that's far from the occasional felony that would take place behind your back. With an example being purposely putting those around him in danger that could easily cause permanent or even fatal injuries. He doesn’t realise that his deeds have consequences ... but it's more than obvious his true intention is to simply stall and keep you to himself in the process. Not realising his intentions are truly far from healthy and might even break the two of you further apart. And if he did understand the concept of fatality, there's doubt if he'd even care for the negative outcomes. And just like many wild animals, they take what they want without remorse.

Out of Tails’ three counterparts, many would likely believe Mangey to be the most innocent of the bunch, motiveless even. But I don’t believe that to be entirely true. As despite how pure his intentions may seem to be at times, he’s not just some fool. And oftentimes even knows his behaviour can result in him getting what he wants, taking advantage of his sweet-ish and touch starved characteristics in order to win over your touch and approval. Mangey would be an extremely needy yandere and will stop at nothing in order to get what he wants. As long as you remain either affectionate or allow him to cling to you, he’s frequently going to be a tamer yandere to have besides from the shown aggressiveness. Especially as all he practically wants to do is cuddle up with you all day while rubbing his scent all over you, marking you as his territory.

Another unusual habit the fox has is being incredibly disinterested and unapologetic if he were to attack somebody. Even with the painful marks visible on the said person's body, Mangey would continue growling and hissing at what he considers a threat, despite the constant reassurance of his allies. It's honestly less of a threatened feeling and more of a resentment and holding a grudge. Even to those who have fallen ill among his home and are in noticeable pain, Mangey remains inconsiderate and unsympathetic. It isn't until you notice him abusing the wounded acquaintance with petty acts such as throwing small sticks, plants and straight up dirt at your companion despite the already fragile state they're in and scold him for it, that Mangey shows a sense of so-called ‘regret’ for his actions. Giving you puppy eyes with those crocodile tears running down his face as if he's trying to make you feel guilty for calling him out on it rather than apologise.

Some would debate that he simply doesn't understand, but that is really not the case here ...Mangey has occasionally made it very noticeable that he specifically targets those close to you or whoever is even attempting to get your attention. And he truly goes a lot further than many would realise, keeping his rivals in line by keeping them hurt and sick. The fox is oftentimes seen spending more of his time around the places where the vegetation is in full growth, looking for herbs and weeds that can be considered harmful to the average mobian and sneaking it into the nourishments that'll be given to his opponent. Usually resulting in food poisoning for days and chaos by the lack of recovery.

✐≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

Because of how animalistic he behaves, he doesn’t have to take as much responsibility for his actions, if any at all. Which is exactly where the main problem comes in, he doesn’t have to live up to particular standards and he technically gets away with everything that he does. And just due to his companions being so used to the animal-like behaviours like this, they have no actual realisation over how severe it has gotten after you came around. Despite the fact that a lot of physically harmed victims have been falling along with the fox’s change in characteristics, with Mangey being suspiciously close by whenever the said accident took place ...

Making you wonder ...what role could play behind those shiny, bright blue eyes that appear innocent

[chiffonlime643]

Renfield and How it Handles Toxic Relationships and Trauma

// TWS: continuous mentions of manipulation, toxic/abusive relationships, trauma, etc. Please be careful!

!!! Disclaimer !!!

I am NOT a licensed professional; this is all from either personal experience or research/knowledge I have previously had. Please do not take things in this essay too seriously. (also yes i know it's a dark comedy but comedic movies can have serious undertones in them too)

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Renfield is a movie that was released on April 14th, 2023. It follows Count Dracula’s (played by Nicolas Cage) assistant/servant, Renfield (Nicholas Hoult), and his efforts to escape his current lifestyle.

The movie has significant undertones, ranging from toxic, co-dependent relationships to extreme corruption of government. While the ‘undertones’ are more prevalent, they are still sometimes put in a more comedic light, to replicate the movie itself, as a dark comedy.

If you remove the comedic points, you’ll find a relatively serious movie with genuine character development and story.

Beginning with Renfield’s journey.

He was turned to Dracula’s assistant centuries before, going off of the original Dracula movie. Since then, he has been caring for Dracula and bringing him humans to feed off of. You can tell he’s sacrificed a lot in the process, essentially tossing away his own wants and needs for Dracula; and while it isn’t completely focused on, it leaves him with a sense of longing and apathy. 

He realises this after going to many anonymous meetings about toxic relationships, which is portrayed primarily as a way to find victims, but in reality is a scapegoat to listen to people talk about similar experiences to his. 

So when he saves many innocent people and gets called a ‘hero’ by someone, something changes in him. He truly comes to terms with the way he is treated; has been treated for many years. He goes to one more of those meetings, and begins his new life. Almost instantly, you can see genuine happiness and content, both with the way he acts, and his actions, in turn. 

It leaves a connection with the viewer and Renfield- a want for him to stay safe and happy, away from Dracula.

The events of the story play out, with Rebecca’s (Awkwafina) story being especially fleshed out.

Later, Dracula learns of Renfield’s disobeyment.

He arrives at Renfield’s apartment, acting nonchalant and almost kind. Renfield lies to him, saying that he had retrieved many bodies to feed Dracula. Of course, due to previous information and context clues, it was expected that Dracula knew the real actions Renfield had taken.

What was a silly, comedic, yet slightly anxiety-inducing moment turned to pure dread. Dracula becomes increasingly angered, to which Renfield attempts to stand up to him.

This is one of the most serious parts of the underlying message.

Many people in toxic/co-dependent relationships take a long time to realise their situation, and even longer to stand up to their abuser. This is typically due to the extreme emotional manipulation the other may use.

While it did take Renfield quite a while to fully realise and come to terms with his situation (a few centuries at least), he is portrayed to almost instantly stand up to Dracula- which is fantastic! To be that prepared to stand up to someone like that is very hard. 

Which is why the viewer’s heart breaks when Renfield eventually closes in on himself. When he is cornered, and clearly afraid.

This can be seen as him being afraid of a vampire with God-like powers- which does make sense.

But it hits even harder when you see it as just Renfield and Dracula; how Renfield is so fearful of what Dracula could do, despite Renfield’s vampire-like powers. He could defend himself.

So why does he nearly break down?

People who are/have been in abusive relationships like this, between friends, partners, positions of power, etc. can understand this reaction.

You get scared of what the other is going to do.

When viewing this scene of Renfield and Dracula through a lens of a realistic toxic relationship, instead of one between a human and vampire, you feel Renfield’s experience differently.

Obviously, he is scared due to Dracula’s vampiristic abilities. But, there’s something else there. Earlier, he was attacked, nearly killed, due to making a mistake with the bodies he brought to Dracula. Then, he was healed.

This brings us to another part of the toxic relationship.

Renfield is constantly revived/healed by Dracula. Yes, Renfield does technically do this for Dracula as well, but much less, and in different circumstances.

And, judging by the previous scene where Renfield’s scar was reopened by Dracula, then healed, a significant amount of these injuries followed by healing could be caused by Dracula himself.

This is one of the main building blocks of a co-dependent relationship. What people in co-dependent relationships are often manipulated into believing are statements similar to this: “I am keeping you safe. I am keeping you alive. I am helping you. You cannot survive without me. You will not survive without me. You need me.”

Through this action, Dracula is essentially telling Renfield that he needs him. That Renfield would die without Dracula.

This is reinforced when Dracula directly says this to Renfield.

The previous time Dracula was ‘killed’, Renfield was being told by the Church that he would be free from Dracula, saved.

To this, Dracula instead implanted the thought that Renfield would be killed by the Church, that he wouldn’t survive. Not without Dracula.

This co-dependency built on emotional manipulation is what toxic relationships thrive on. Renfield feels he cannot leave because Dracula is the one keeping him alive. 

So, bring this back to the scene where Renfield first stands up to Dracula. All the previous events of pain, of manipulation, slowly being stacked back onto him as Dracula continues his angered yelling. 

The scene gets significantly harder to watch, as time goes on. It begins with Dracula first having an outburst towards Renfield, then consistently berating him. 

I have yet to watch the original movie (no idea where to find it), so I have no clue whether or not the claims made by Dracula about Renfield’s greed/abandonment of his family is true, but if they are not, Dracula is also gaslighting him- a commonly used form of manipulation, especially in co-dependent relationships.

Renfield makes an effort to stand up to Dracula, to stop him, to which Dracula laughs at his efforts, then tells him that he isn’t worthy of love- another way for people to keep a hold on their victims- slowly backing him into a both literal and metaphorical corner. 

He threatens others that Renfield is in contact with. Keeping victims away from other outside people is a common practice for abusers to keep a hold on them as well.

After Dracula figures out who he needs to kill, he throws Renfield’s book at him, before disappearing. After Renfield is hit, he goes into a really defensive position, trying to shield himself from other possible attacks. He is clearly surprised when Dracula is gone instead, which implies that this may be common, and that Dracula suddenly disappearing is not the usual.

He realises, almost instantly after glancing at the logo on his book, that Dracula was going to kill his friends.

The carnage that ensues after is, obviously, terrifying for Renfield.

However, after Dracula confirms that after what Renfield did, he would be destroying the entirety of the human race, just because Renfield wanted to be a part of it again, Renfield is left on the edge of a panic attack- just sitting there, holding the meeting leader’s hand, despite him being a corpse.

At the scene of the crime, he goes with the police with no attempt at escaping their grasp despite him being framed, which matters especially since his friend was the one to find him there. His face throughout the scenes prominently don a solemn, given up look.

Rebecca is cornered after putting Renfield in the car, by both corrupt policemen, and the crime family who is linked to their corruption.

This movie has a significant part of its story driven by the town having a severely corrupt police force- most people dislike the cops in this movie, and I completely agree. However, they can't really be removed from the story, as they are important to show the severe corruption. I feel a better course of action would be to have Rebecca's character stop being a cop by the end of the movie, but that is just my opinion.

Corruption is like this in real life, and it affects many people and places. While I am most definitely not the person to talk about it, the movie’s plot including the way government corruption works and how anyone in power can go mad with it soon enough, actually helped the story- especially Rebecca’s backstory, which we will get into later.

Later on, after Rebecca and Renfield go to the café to meet up with Rebecca’s sister, Renfield talks about his experience.

He talks about the manipulation Dracula uses to get people under his thumb, and Renfield’s (at that time) greed and desire for more power that got him into this situation.

Rebecca, understanding of this, talks to him about how life can throw you situations that are hard to manoeuvre around.

 After it is revealed that Rebecca’s sister has been captured, the two head to the Lobos’ house, to which a long fight ensues.

Rebecca reaches Dracula first, and he begins trying to manipulate her- it is hard to tell whether or not she is somewhat susceptible, but she definitely does not fall for it.

She had a plan. A plan to trick Dracula.

Now, whether or not Renfield was aware of it or not is also hard to tell, but judging by the way he is portrayed, it appears to be he was unaware.

Instead of overly yelling for her to not fall for it, it almost feels like he’s come to terms with it. Like he knows that she can’t say no. This would make sense, after all; he fell into Dracula’s trap the same way.

And as Rebecca is embraced in Dracula’s arms, Dracula stares at Renfield with a triumphant expression.

To Renfield, it’s over. Dracula won. She’s enveloped in Dracula’s lies too.

However, she turns off the blinds- burning Dracula and accidentally guiding the three of them to the torture room of the house.

Renfield is killed- or at least severely injured- by the bats Dracula turns into temporarily.

Rebecca is left to fight Dracula, and he drags her into the air after taunting her. She shoots him in the foot, causing his blood, which has reviving/healing powers, to revive Renfield. 

To which, he stops Dracula’s fangs with his own hands, drags him to the ground, to which Dracula appears behind him and puts him in a chokehold.

Renfield is (now physically) stuck in the same position he has always been in, controlled by Dracula.

However, now he has himself to guide him- his self-love, his strength.

Dracula asks “Do you know what you are?”, expecting Renfield to give in, to answer with what Dracula wants, to keep Renfield under his thumb.

Instead, Renfield gets out of the chokehold and pins Dracula to the ground, continuously punching his face in while repeating similar lines to that of the earlier scene where Dracula cornered Renfield- but this time, Renfield has all the power. He admits that he was the one to give his power to Dracula; it wasn’t taken from him. While Dracula overpowers him eventually, Dracula is caught in a protection circle laid down by Rebecca.

This is a parallel to the introduction sequence, where Dracula is saved from a protection circle by Renfield- instead, now he’s trapped in it thanks to the both of them.

The two completely destroy the physical body of Dracula, tossing the remains down the drain.

With that, now that Dracula is gone, he uses some of Dracula’s Blood to help Rebecca’s sister and revive his previously-mauled support group.

Finally, after centuries of confinement to Count Dracula, Robert Montague Renfield is free.

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So… how did Rebecca fare through all this?

Her character, upon the release of Renfield, was not entirely liked by most. Oftentimes, people thought her character was annoying and selfish, other times they disliked her being played by an actress who has been in many other movies and was thought of as annoying, once again.

I do not care about the personal strife between people who like/dislike Rebecca or the actress, Awkwafina, who plays her.

However, whether or not you like her character, she is rather nuanced and has trauma of her own, along with her (sadly very rarely seen) sister.

Rebecca is seen as a strong, smart policewoman with an ‘idgaf’ attitude towards most things and people. Despite this, she is given very small jobs within the district.

She is very angered at this (and the police’s corruption and ignorance when it comes to the Lobo family), and continuously calls the police out on their negative aspects.

Part of her anger, however, is due to the loss of her father, who worked as one of the best policemen and was murdered.

We are never entirely told the circumstances of her father’s death, however. It is implied that the police station did nothing about it, and that he was killed by the Lobo family after investigating some of their crimes. Rebecca is fully aware of this, as well as her sister.

While Rebecca is willing to face the corruption head-on, her sister tends to do so silently, being careful with her job.

The two bicker a lot, but it is shown that they care about each other a lot.

So when Rebecca’s sister is captured and then killed, it strikes a nerve.

She seems slightly less careful while fighting the Lobo family (though she wasn’t very careful before), while also very calculative- more than she had shown previously.

So when she talks to Dracula about reviving her sister, both Renfield and the audience feel that she actually will do it.

She doesn’t join him. It’s a shock to most, especially due to her losing an important family figure at such a young age and only having one other person, who at that point, was on the brink of death/already dead.

For her to take that risk so they could take down Dracula is amazing, especially since her character was shown to care about family first, everything else second.

(and I'm still very annoyed she stayed a cop by the end)