#tw: dsyphoria

[helluva-hurricanes-blog]

My dsyphoria

TW FOR TRANS DSYPHORIA

[lunasberry]

nothing feels fun again. there's no real thing I enjoy doing.

[quillandrapier]

You could be having the most harrowing mental health episode and you just have to clean and be present.

[karl-marxs-lil-pogchamp]

the jealousy is unbearable for me sometimes

[sciencyblogillcomeupwithaname]

Tw: vent under cut

Sometimes I deluded myself into thinking my mental health is good or that I'm faking everything else. Like when I was 14 I didn't think I deserved the energy it would cost to have a hot shower, so I showered cold and I didn't shower for long enough, so I smelled so I convinced myself that I mattered even less. I would've told you, with a straight face, not lying at all to the best of my knowledge, that my self esteem was pretty good.

Or the fact I've had lumps in my breasts since I was 12 and haven't got that checked. Sometimes I just didn't think of it, sometimes it was 'dsyphoria' that meant I didn't check, and sometimes I was honest and told myself I wanted it to kill me so I could die and have it not be my fault. So I wouldn't hurt my family anymore than necessary, or have them deal with the shame from raising a child so wrong that they killed themselves. But I wouldn't have dared openly called myself mentally ill.

My self harm attempts were just a pin, then just scissors, then a brief attempt with a razor. But I didnt continue using it. So I must be faking.

My 'eating disorder' never lasted longer than a month, and my cals were never shockingly low. So I'm not really sick.

Its all just for attention.

Whose fucking attention.

Who have you told?

Yes, you cut yourself to dramatically reveal you werent okay but then you never did. How the fuck are you faking to just yourself?

And now I can't book a GP appointment because I live with my mum and keeping the peace and not hurting her is more important than my suspected breast cancer.

[therezastarman]

“Ew, your boobs.”

-- my sister

I could not agree more.

[space-spooker]

I hate bras. I hate them. They make me want to leave my body. I hate them. So fucking much. I feel so fucking hot and uncomfortable and I want to get out of my skin. Why won't my mother fucking listen to me?

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

[disabledprincesses]

If you have body/gender dysmorphia or an eating dis0rder etc. and things like getting dressed, and taking showers trigger you

You can do them in low-no lighting. It'll take time to learn where things are but it can help so you don't have to look

(This isn't a permeant solution or anything, but while you're working on it, this could help)

[vanillaokko]

no, but i don't think you understand how close i am to grabbing a pair of scissors and giving myself d.i.y top surgery

[helluva-hurricanes-blog]

Ugh god I’m experiencing gender dysphoria again wtf do I do

[secretlyasupervillain]

Dysphoria is fuckin weird bruh like I got rid of it for a min by making my voice lower then I looked in the mirror and suddenly developed a distaste of my eyelashes cuz they looked too fem also my neck is too fem imo and like idk why it just is and my hands are too small anyways yea fuck dysphoria

[crescentmp3]

*googles how to feel more androgynous when getting my hair cut didn't work*

[strangethingslikeme]

[fruit-teeth]

Avalanche (part 4)

/(before this chapter starts I wanna say that breastfeeding is depicted at the beginning, so if that makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, shape or form, I would suggest being mindful going into this. Thanks!)\

“Scout?” Sniper opened the bedroom door, stepping in cautiously. “Hey, love, are you all right?”

Scout lay on the bed, their son pressed up to his chest. “Yeah,” he murmured, his voice soft. His eyes were focused on the baby.

Sniper sighed, closing the door behind him and heading for the bed. “Look, I’m sorry I handed him to Pyro without checking with you, I...” he trailed off, realizing what Scout was doing. “Are...are you breastfeeding?”

Scout didn’t look up, but he nodded. “Yeah,” he replied, shifting a little to rest his hand comfortably on the baby’s back. “I didn’t think I could, but...I dunno,”

Sniper sat down on the bed slowly, his mouth slightly agape as he watched. “Wow...I-I mean, I didn’t think it was possible, but Medic said you might have some, I...” he went quiet again, unable to take his eyes off the sight. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

Scout shook his head. “Nah, doesn’t hurt. It kinda tickles...I know that sounds weird,”

“No, no,” Sniper put his arm around Scout, watching the baby eat. “That’s good, I think. Very good,” he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the baby’s head. “This is probably healthier than the formula, anyway,”

“Yeah,” Scout leaned against Sniper, still watching the baby. He smiled weakly after a moment. “He’s gonna grow up and be a real strong guy, I bet,”

Sniper smiled back, and he kissed Scout’s head as well. “Definitely. If he’s anything like you, he’ll be just that,”

Scout snorted, his cheeks reddening a little. “Me? Nah, come on, Snipes!” He pecked a kiss to Sniper’s cheek, humming. “He’s more like you,”

“Think so?” Sniper observed as the baby finished eating, and Scout brought him up to his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Scout assured, patting the baby’s back. The baby let out a gurgling squeak, and Scout pulled away just in time to see that he’d spit up on him. “Oh—!”

“Whoops,” Sniper quickly grabbed a tissue, wiping up the mess. “That’s all right, he probably ate too fast,”

Scout sighed, grimacing a little. “You’re tellin’ me...I don’t think he’s gonna want that crummy replacement milk after this,” his shirt was still pushed up, and he could only stare for a moment at his own chest. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this...it felt nice, but somehow, it felt wrong at the same time.

Scout pushed those thoughts to the side as he settled the baby into his arms, shushing him gently when he whimpered. “Hey, it’s okay,” Scout cooed, wiping drool from the little mouth. “You’re good, bud,”

Sniper wrapped his arms around Scout, reaching a hand around to pet the baby’s soft cheek. “So,” Sniper spoke up after a moment. “I’ve been meanin’ to ask...” he swallowed, trying to think of how to phrase this. “You...you didn’t know you were pregnant? It’s just that you and I have been at this for almost a whole year, now, and I never suspected a thing,”

Scout took a breath, pressing the baby a little closer. “I mean, I felt sick, y’know? But I thought it was the flu or somethin’...must have been morning sickness or whatever,” he thought back, trying to remember if there were any other signs. “Oh, and sometimes I’d feel little things in me,” he put his hand against the spot, which was just below his belly button. “Somethin’ would poke me sometimes, but I didn’t think it was anything,”

Sniper nodded slowly, and he placed his hand on the baby’s head. “Must have been him trying to tell you he was there,”

“Yeah...” tears suddenly filled Scout’s eyes, and he sniffed. “I feel so bad...I-I should’ve known!”

“Hey, hey,” Sniper drew Scout close, offering a sweet kiss to his lips. “It’s okay, don’t get upset,” he intertwined his fingers with Scout’s, their hands resting together on the baby’s chest. “He’s here, and he’s okay,”

Scout sniffed, holding the baby tighter and nodding. “Yeah...yeah, thank God,” he sighed, kissing the baby’s soft nose. “I’m fuckin’ glad he’s here and alive,”

“Me too,” agreed Sniper, caressing Scout’s arm.

They sat in silence for a good long while, watching their son fall asleep as they kept him warm and safe. After a few minutes, Scout remarked, “I thought of a name, too,”

“Oh?” Sniper straightened up, all ears. “Okay. Let me hear it,”

Scout cleared his throat, settling the baby into his arms. “Axel Jayce,” He told Sniper confidently. “Couldn’t pick one, so I put ‘em together,”

Sniper let this sink in, and then chuckled a bit. “Oh, Scout...well, it’s a nice name, don’t get me wrong, but...” he stared down at the baby’s face. “Does it suit him?”

Scout shrugged again. “Well, he could grow into it. You never know,”

“Hm,” Sniper pursed his lips together, a thought crossing his mind. “You know— what if we just called him ‘AJ’ for short? I feel like that would work better, you think?”

“Oh!” Scout blinked— he hadn’t thought of that. “Yeah! I really like that, it’s cute,” he kissed the baby’s forehead again. “Just like him!”

Sniper chuckled, his arm tucking around Scout’s shoulders. “Yeah, and like you, too,”

“What? Oh—!” Scout hid the grin in Sniper’s chest, giggling, “No, no! Quit it, man,”

[mr---moth]

I wanna tell you guys about my first experience with truscum. It'll have a point it's not just be bitching. Probably.

I was just a bit younger than I am now and newly identifying as genderfluid after IDing as nonbinary for about a year. I was still presenting really femininely and I felt so extremely insecure and dysphoric about it. So I was searching through the genderfluid tag on here to make myself feel better. Well I eventually found a post in the tag where someone was just being so extremely nasty about genderfluid people. The whole "It's fake!" "It's insulting!" "It's fucking stupid!" sthick ,ya know? Well little Valentine was just as argumentative and defensive as he is now lol You've seen truscum loosing their shit before so I'll spare you the boring details. But the parts that stuck with me was how this guy went on a 5 minute rant about how much his sister being genderfluid and female presenting made him want to take his own life it made him so angry and shit because he thought they were doing it for attention and how, despite having heavy dysphoria, I was just a cis girl that was insecure about my chest. For a little background about me I have extremely chest dysphoria so you can imagine just how much that entire interaction hurt and bothered me. For weeks after I constantly questioned if I was just a cis girl trying to be special and if my very existence was going to make someone suicidal. Not a great time for my mental health.

Obviously I learned I wasn't a genderfluid person and that I'm actually a trans guy and I'm really comfortable with that. It fits it feels right yada yada. My point is while that was right; I'm not a genderfluid person but that interaction did not make me release I was a transman. It slowed that process down. It only served to make me feel bad and question myself MORE. And it still does from time to time. This grown adult bullied and berated a minor. And for what? To make me have some epitphany about my gender or something? To help me along on my journey? No. He only did it because he felt like taking the piss on someone he felt was a freak and not like him.

And I see this same shit ALL THE DAMN TIME. Poor kids just trying to exist comfortably getting harassed and bitched out by adults that think they know everything. It's not useful. It's not helpful. It's not constructive. It's harmful. It's harmful and it makes that kid feel like shit even more than might already do. And these Truscum fuckers seem to ENJOY it. 'Lmao this fake trender' while that "trender'" probably has so much more self doubt in their head now. And we all know what that can lead to.

So transmeds how about you stop pretending to know everything or that you know someone's entire life because you don't. You're just a hateful stranger on the internet with too much time on your hands so you fill it with being nasty and dickish to people you don't like.

And to any non-dysphorics, mogai, people with neropronouns, ngc trans people, nonbinary, agender, genderfluid and people of any age that are still figuring themselves out, you aren't pretending to be special. You ARE special just the way you are. You deserve to be happy and comfortable no matter how you ID. You aren't hurting anyone and you don't owe anyone an explanation or an apology. I love you and I am just so fucking proud of you for being you. For just existing. And someday things will be better just please be there to see it.