#tw unalive mention

[fangirlanxiety74]

Well as I prepare to post about OCs and AUs and whatnot, giving y'all a treat by talking about my interpretations/headcanons of IHNMAIMS characters!!! Starting with Gorrister because my OC connects back to him oops!!!

TW: Attempted Unalive mention, Abuse mention. It's not huge/detailed but I still want to warn y'all incase!!! Under cut!!!

-

So with how I interpret him, I guess I mean by like. How I see his backstory and how that affects what happened to him canonically in the story? Very obviously he was apathetic, a "shoulder-shrugger," someone who just became a husk of themselves. As for what happened that caused AM to make him like this. We of course have how he was a peace activist and someone with strong justice and morals; a pacifist. But I'm going further than that to explain the why's of how he became a pacifist.

Personally, I think he just grew up in a good home and a good community. Like, one of those small neighborhoods that were really supportive and helped one another out all the time, everyone knew everyone, etc. He was taught growing up to be kind, help your fellow man, be good to animals and nature, etc. And it just stuck with him, especially once he grew up enough to learn the reality of how the whole world isn't like that at all. Which is probably what inspired him to start becoming a peace activist; he got the privilege to have a good life, but it shouldn't be a privilege; others deserve that, too.

As far as his adult life, I do like how the game gave him a wife, and I want to keep Glynis in mind for his backstory. I think they met at a soup kitchen volunteering together!! It was a really sweet and romantic relationship, the kind everyone would see and tell them how perfect they are for each other/how they wished they had a love like theirs. And for the most part it was, but. In my mind, Glynis unfortunately did have trauma and Gorrister really did not know how to navigate it. But he tried his best. Because he really did love her, you know?? And she appreciated it, even though it was hard for the both of them.

I don't think he's ever put a hand on her, that part of the game I don't acknowledge (I also don't acknowledge him being a truck driver? I think he just travels a lot as an activist). But I do think that. What happened that caused the whole "I didn't make too much noise, did I honey?" was that. Gorrister was unreachable/wasn't home during a time when Glynis really needed him, and that caused her to try and attempt to unalive. And when Gorrister found out, he was so ashamed and guilty that he wasn't there for her he jumped the gun and put her in electroshock therapy, thinking it would help (this would explain the game in putting him in a shock cage, which I think this is what the game implies anyways? I don't know I got this idea from a fanfic I really like).

But given that what he did in trying to help his wife, only to make her even worse, AM took that opportunity to just really drive it home what he's done and make it out as all his fault. I don't think AM just rewired his brain, I think AM took the information he knew about Gorrister and just beat him down until he was at his lowest. And once he was at his lowest, AM took his heart (literally) and the rest of him is history.

Idk if any of what I said makes any sense but like, oh well!! That's what I think happened to him :)!!

-

Other random headcanons:

I think, in modern era, he would really love the game Undertale. I have a whole ramble on this alone but I think Undertale is like, the perfect type of game for him. Especially with the whole "Despite Everything, it's still you" line and how the literal mechanic is to be merciful. I think his favorite character would be hard to choose but maybe Frisk.

If I had to assign him a FNAF character, it'd be Foxy

I do support the idea that he's from the south! Him and Ted being southern buddies is just a silly idea to me

This is maybe out of left field but I think at one point he wanted a child but Glynis didn't due to not being in a safe place mentally to take care of one and he respected it.

But in that case maybe they owned an animal!! I think he really likes animals.

The reason he's so good at telling stories is cause he would tell stories to the kids he'd help out during his time as an activist! And in turn, his mom would tell him stories to help him sleep at night when he was younger!

I think in modern era, despite how I said he would like Undertale, he would have no idea how to work technology. The only reason he knows Undertale is because someone else told it to him

Haha yeah anyways this is super long i might give out more headcanons later but uhhh oops!!! Hope y'all like reading this <3

[gashface]

While this might be a sombre post, I want to just take a moment to talk about something.

Today marks the day/ 5 years since I tried to unalive myself. Sometimes it's scary to think about and sometimes I still do get the tendencies. However, for the first time in a very long time, I can confidently say, I am happy to be alive.

The friends I have, the growth I have made makes it all worth it in the end. While I won't ever be mentally "well", it is nice to finally be thankful that I am breathing.

- Buddy

[same-pic-rick-roll]

Anyways I think kids are loud and obnoxious, so I support abortion.

Unalive the babies before they become annoyiny.

I run a family-friendly blog, hence lack of swearing.

[mysticballoonbouquet]

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers with severe depression

🚨 mentions of s/h and unaliving oneself below the line. please proceed with caution 🚨

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who, on some days, can’t get out of bed

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who deal with intense, scary intrusive thoughts (side note - you are not your intrusive thoughts. they do not define you!)

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who can’t find the energy some days to shower and/or brush their teeth or other “basic” tasks others might find easy

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who struggle significantly to, or can’t, practice self care

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who have hurt themselves in the past

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who struggle with the urge to hurt themselves (please call for help if you feel this urge!)

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who struggle with sui**dal ideation and urges (please, if you feel the urge to harm yourself, call for emergency medical help such as 911 or the emergency services where you are)

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who are afraid they will feel bad forever (you won’t, I promise)

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who have been hospitalized (once or multiple times. there is no shame in getting help) due to being a risk to themselves

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who sometimes can’t hold back the tears or anger

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who struggle, or can’t, find enjoyment in things they once loved

🦄 shoutout to regressors and age dreamers with scars

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who need to be reminded to eat, drink, or take their medicine because they will forget otherwise

🦄 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who struggle to find self-compassion and self love (you are wonderful and beautiful, even if you can’t see it. promise.)

🍼 shoutout to age regressors and age dreamers who go through prolonged periods where they are unable to be “productive” (sometimes staying alive is taxing enough)

🦄 huge shoutout to the age regressors and age dreamers who have attempted su**ide but survived

the world is a much lovelier place with you in it! im so happy you’re here to read these words! life is tough, especially when you battle with mental illness — I know this from my own experience. you will be okay, and the world is a better place with you in it. pinky promise.

[fangbanger3000]

Wanting attention this bad is just Sad and you should unalive yourself x

baby, this is tumblr. call me a faggot and send me pics of someone cutting themselves like a true hater

[nezu-mi]

the fact that social media censorship has been done in such a way to successfully make people believe that not using words and phrases such as "suicide" and "sexual assault" is for tHe ChiLdRen's SaKe!!1, or to protect people from triggers instead of appealing to advertisers is insane

it has created such a sterile environment for the sake of monetization while simultaneously (in my *personal* opinion) diminishing the impact and importance of such words to mere jokes in some instances

[same-pic-rick-roll]

Baron von Schnitzelheim the Petdrinker

He is a rich man, and a vampire

He is most famous for his hobby of using hamsters, rats, and small dogs and juice packets, often as their helpless owners watch.

This bas made him many, many enemies among the commoners, but he avoids angering those in power, so his status protects him from would-be avengers.

He enjoy children screaming.

Schnitzelheim was slain when some burglars broke into a home. This hom e had a small dog the vampire baron was going yo drink

Upon recognizing him, the burglar stated “you asshole! You killed Lassie when I was ten.” Whereupon a hammerblow to the head killed the vampire

This burglar was then found by the neightbors, and after some quick thinking, the burglar went from “burglar” to “public-minded hero who protected a stranger’s innocent pet from a menace”.

===

“Honestly? I think human blood is disgusting, so i dont drink it. Its odd that so many of my fellow vampires donit. Animal blood is tastier. I prefer rats, hamsters, dog, and cat blood.

Pets make for much better food. And the people screaming as i drink their pets blood provides free entertainment!”

Diary except from Baron von Schnitzelheim the Petdrinker

Wanna hear about my OC?

WAIT WHAT YOU HAVE AN OC???????????

YES ABSOLOTELY GIVE ME ALL THE DETAILS X3

[gimme-da-sword]

Tw suicide ideationnn :3

So sometimes I like to sit on this fence in my backyard that faces the street and this ditch and a playground and stuff and listen to music and look at the sky and stuff until it either gets too hot to stay outside or too dark. It's very fun and main character-y.

Recently I've been having the intrusive thought of going to sit up there to watch the sunset or smth and just taking all my antidepressants and a whole bottle of ibuprofen so I'd overdose and seeing which side of the fence my dead body will fall to.

It isn't really triggered by anything specific but, yk.

(yes this is a cry for help uwu)

[traumatizeddfox]

im just saying if i killed myself it would solve all my problems

[the-entity-down-the-street]

I want to talk about suicide. Wish we could have more open discussion of suicidal ideation without getting shut down by goddamn search engines going "are sure you're okay??? Here's the suicide hotline!! Also we won't show you anything related to this search because it's triggering and might encourage you to self-harm!!"

Like no bitch I'm not trying to die, I'm trying to open a dialogue about suicide rates in the trans and autistic community you stupid fucking algorithm.

There's a societal squeamishness around suicide that definitely plays into why it's treated like this. Social media censors it, forcing sanitized language like "unalive yourself" because it's more ad-friendly.

Of course, hiding it doesn't discourage folks from attempting. All it does is add more stigma around suicidal thoughts, and that keeps people isolated.

There's also not enough discussion about what happens when you *recover* from suicidal ideation, and have to live with the lingering scars (psychological and physical) of it. Like, when we talk about recovery, it's always about how much better things are, how you get your life back, etc. And yes, that's important, but like most things, recovery is more nuanced as that. For me it feels like being haunted by my own ghost. It's eerie, and sad, and I'm angry about the childhood I lost to abuse and depression. It's a whole second phase of suicide recovery that I never see conversation about. Not to mention that my idea of "a future" getting stretched out by a few decades is disorienting.

We deserve to be able to talk about all this. Sorry a good chunk of my life experience isn't monetizable, or ad-friendly, or suitable for all ages. It's still worth talking about.

[msfbgraves]

if Terry and Daniel got divorced, who would fare better physically and emotionally? 💔 Michael would of course be over the moon!

Not really, Nonnie! There is no divorce in the Mob, because how could you use marriage to form alliances if you could simply dissolve that marriage when things got rocky? It's till death do them part. Now, if one of the partners becomes a liability you ultimately have them whacked, same as anyone. Nobody has specified it has to be a death of natural causes that ends a bad marriage, after all.

I've written about what would happen if Daniel died before Terry, and that would end with Terry killing everyone involved and then himself. That would not necessarily be instantanuous; he'd probably plot it for maximum strategic effect, but that would be the outcome. Daniel would survive for his puppies, and Terry respects that as natural and just, but I think Daniel underestimates how deeply it would devastate him. He'd be like a walking open wound and depending on when in their marriage it would happen, it might be a very drawn out, very complicated grief, because there'd be so much anger and hurt from the relationship still to work through. Please, I don't want that for him.

Michael would gladly pull the trigger himself only to be rather shocked to see what it would do to his fratellino.

Now if Daniel had gotten a divorce at 25 he would have thought he'd be very happy but he's chemically bonded to Terry and he'd have to beat away suitors with a stick. That sounds romantic but it would be very stressful, which is why his family would marry him off again within the year. He doesn't believe that at first, but Michael all but tells him so later in his marriage, and why would he want that? He has a mate. What he wants is the freedom to be left to his own devices and in this society and family, that is a pipe dream.

[respondedinkind]

Headcanon: Khan's mind (Main Alien Verse & MCU-Alien Verse)

It is mentioned very briefly in Khan's bio, but only 'grazed upon' so to speak. It's also mentioned in a few other posts here and there, scattered along headcanons and muse-ish things, but:

Khan's mind is incredibly powerful.

Heads up: This information cannot be known by any muse, with a few exceptions being made (for example, by muses who possess a powerful mind of their own, they might sense that Khan is different / powerful, or by muses who can do magic and see his aura being of different kind etc - but they would only know that, nothing more, no details).

While Khan does not possess the ability of reading another one's mind, or do tricks such as telepathy, or to take over someone else's mind to control them, he can do other things.

Back on his home planet, he was bred to be superior; His abilities were honed from the very beginning and his mind sharpened for what leads his kind to success most of the time. Not only is Khan incredibly intelligent, he is also meant to use his mind to kill.

In fact, the division he was meant to become a part of are the specialists in that regard - elite soldiers who conquer for their rulers. Next to physical combat, being so much stronger, faster and more resilient than most of their opponents, they also use their minds to gain the upper hand in what is known as a 'dirty technique' by nations who are aware of his race and the great devastation they bring.

Here is one part of what Khan can do, and what highlights the strength of his abilities:

Khan can, in theory, basically 'drill himself' into another person's mind; He grants himself forceful entry by sheer willpower, no need for any physical connection. Holding intense eye-contact during the whole act intensifies the sensation and makes it easier for him to do it, but it's not needed. However, once that intense eye-contact is established, and once he's managed to first enter another person's mind, they won't be able to disconnect from his own gaze (unless they are extremely powerful and have abilities of their own that would be able to make it happen)

Once inside another person's mind, he can force his way to the very core. Not many know about it, but a body does not live without it being connected to the host (the mind, also called the soul) that drives it. Khan can find said core, the most vulnerable part, and he can break it, which results in instant death to whoever he is doing this to.

'Fun' fact: This is actually the last 'test' he needed to go through back on his home planet, the one he failed: Because of him not having successfully disconnected himself from his own emotions, killing another individual caused him great stress and took a toll on his own brain. Heavy nosebleeds are a indicator for such to happen, and one cannot control them - so, despite Khan managing to kill the person he was meant to kill, he was deemed a failure because of his nose bleeding, meant to be executed - that is when he managed to fight his way out and flee from his home.

Next to that, Khan's mind is powerful in other ways: It's extremely good at blocking off intruders, so in case someone wants to enter it, it will be incredibly hard for them to do such. It's fierce and trained to withstand a lot of torture, and it takes a great amount to break him and gain access (in his main Verse, Alexander Marcus managed to do that; One can assume how much force it took and what it did to Khan in return)

For MCU verses and muses: His mind seems to be able to do some 'tricks', in a way, which he is also quite unaware of; With how powerful and unique said mind is, it might be able to connect to certain kinds of magic in ways, leading to some... interesting things happening. Not always, not all the time, but under certain circumstances Khan himself is (mostly) not aware of.

Happened in another thread, but is very much canon: In case someone uses a spell or any other technique to look into Khan's memories, his own past self - which is a literal memory and therefore everything that can be seen has already happened in the past - can realize that someone does this to him and, in rare cases, interact with whoever watches. How this happens is unclear, as it should not be possible; Whether Khan's future-self remembers that interaction happening or not depends on a case-to-case basis. It shows, however, that Khan's mind is made in a way that's probably impossible to explain, able to break 'the fourth wall', so to speak.

All of that being said: As much devastation as Khan's mind can bring, as much as it can cause death, this is only the result of what it has been shaped into during his upbringing. His mind is trained to become that sharp, dangerous and powerful weapon; However, by nature, his mind is meant to be an incredibly sensitive instrument and all of its abilities stem from what, in the past, once meant to be of entirely positive nature.

This means he can also do another thing:

Khan's mind can connect to other people's minds in the most vulnerable way, create a bond that will last until he cuts the connection himself or either one of them dies (Khan or the person he bonds with). This bond is extremely powerful and strong; It allows communication on an emotional level, lets both Khan and the chosen other one experience feelings and sensations of one another. For example, if one were to feel frightened, the other could sense it. If one were to experience deep happiness, the other would feel - and experience - it too. Love is also thoroughly shared through that bond, so is affection and any other feeling that they might have for one another.

That bond also allows partners to be incredibly close at all times: Even if separated by a great physical distance, they would still be able to feel each other's presence and experience what the other might feel.

In some cases, if one is (or both of them are) experiencing great emotional stress, the bond might even go as far as allowing them to communicate with more than just emotions. It means they could, in theory, talk to each other through their connection (for example, if one is in great stress and thinks of Khan within their minds, calling his name, he might be able to hear his partner call his name through their shared minds).

Also, when Khan is connected to his loved one, they can share close and intimate moments through their minds. Their minds can basically touch each other in loving embraces, very much similar to their physical bodies, which gives both a very calm, soothing, warm and intense sensation, bringing them even closer together. Sometimes those mind-touches can even manifest in a way that they will see each other inside their heads as their actual self surrounded by a warm glow, and they can interact with each other in that way too.

This might be the true reason for Khan's powerful mind to exist: It's meant for lovers to connect and keep a bond up that will bind them in ways no other can ever be close to one another. It opens up Khan equally as much as it opens up his chosen partner, the most sensitive parts of him, and the intense connection is unlike anything that is usually experienced between two individuals who cannot share such a bond in any way. It's the most pure form of love that Khan's kind can give.

The downside is that, should that bond be forcefully interrupted by either of them dying, the other will experience a devastating sensation - the loss of a bonded partner oftentimes results in the leftover one to fall into insanity, which can manifest in a lot of different ways... even drive them into suicide. It can be overcome if the person who is still alive is strong enough to deal with the feeling of a ripped mind, of a hole that can never be fixed, but it's hard to do and not many, not even of Khan's own race, would manage to do it.

Since this bond is meant to connect lovers, Khan can only connect in such a way with one person at a time. There's one exception: If he ever were to have offspring, his children would also automatically connect to the bond, to both parents, and keep them all together as a close-knit family. The children could choose to separate themselves if they want to however, without any side-effects happening to any of them - this allows them to then, in the future, seek out a partner to connect with.

[rrcraft-and-lore]

One thing you can do to better enbrighten the world (and I know you're tired, we all are, I know, but dammit, right? That's enough of a reason - just dammit):

Make your art.

IT MATTERS. You do.

And you won't know who it will touch and or how.

Art saves lives. Not just the maker's but those who consume it.

I've shared my story a few times, but I was raised in an abusive household, got all the asian trauma with it.

At 18, I tried to take my life and nearly succeeded. Freak bit of luck saved me. Years later after pursuing my love of writing but getting nowhere, my depression's gnarly and I decide it's time to give up on life. I see a sign at my local mall my favorite writer, Jim Butcher, is going to be signing copies of Ghost Story which was coming out. I figure: what the hell, get my book signed, meet my fave author, take myself out that night - end it all on a good note yeah?

So, that day comes along, and there I am in the line. Great talk, time passes, listen to jokes and questions. Then my turn shows up in the signing and he says to me: "Hey man, how's it going?"

Idky but I stopped and told him the truth - where I was mentally and how bad off.

He stops for a moment, doesn't have to, and instead of going, "Oh, I'm sorry, man, that sucks," he gives me a full speech telling me only I can write my story. No one else. If I decide to end it today, then I decided that. It's ended. It's over. No one else did. But, if I hung around, chose to go on

Who knows? Maybe one day I'll be at a signing with him. Maybe on day up for the same award. Maybe in anthology with him? Maybe panel with him? Maybe a bunch more things. Well, I chose to stick around. Since then, life's gotten better in some ways, and I've gotten to write books I had only dreamed of at that point.

And you know what else?

He was right.

I paneled with him first time 2019 DragonCon. I was up for the Dragon Award alongside him and NK Jemisin. I've been in an anthology with him, and soon now another. I did my first signing with him this year.

Dreams and things I got to see come true and check off.

Your art matters. You matter. And you can change someone's life. You may not know how, and you may not even know you did it one day, whether through your actions, your work, or a combination - you never know who it'll touch or bring out to you.

And the world's gonna need that. Your work.

You.

Because people are hurting.

To be honest, they're probably going to keep hurting - people like to hurt others. It sucks. But people also like to help.

To uplift and be kind. To inspire. To protect. And to save.

You art can do that. Even if you don't think that right now. Can't see it. Can't believe it. I promise you, it matters. And so do you.

[idontliketomatoesleavemealone]

I think one of the flies has spontaneously committed unalive

[underestimated-heroine]

"I hate racists but you know who's worse?! People who don't tell racists to kill themselves!!!" is a take I see all the fucking time on here and that will get you blocked instantly.