#tw sui in the next tag

[t0t411y-n0t-hum4n]

"the morality of self harm" DUDE ALL I CAN THINK OF IS "FELLAS, IS IT GAY TO SELF HARM??"

[synthshenanigans]

You Sound Like Louis Burdett is a banger song I wish it was real 💔 [looking at you spotify]

skeleton-less & textless versions ✨ wahoo ✨

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I am exhausted, good heavens.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

mental illness is SOOO funny the last time i felt happy and free n actually wanted to live was my birthday 2021 lmaoo

[hiodoshi-ao]

.

[bbubbleo]

eeouuhghghghaaaa shoots myself in the head

[charliespringverse]

writing fanfiction is a wild hobby bc i can be having a bright lovely day, feelin good, feelin healthy, and the way i celebrate this good day is by writing several thousand words of violent emotional suicide attempt aftermath .

[thisisabitofme]

tw: death, possible suicide, past experience of suicide loss

[h3xc0de]

who up thinking about the time ur "friend" who used you as their personal suicide lifeline during the darkest time of your own fuckin life literally drank bleach while you were on the phone with them actively begging them not to kill themself which you have a flashback to every single time you hear a person coughing 🙋

[schizokaneko]

someone inside me definitely died the day i tried to kill myself. even if my heart is beating. i think a large part of my brain is convinced that im living on stolen time or something, now. there's a part of me that is so happy and at peace becuase its stopped perceiving anything past that time i tried to hang myself, convincing itself its dead, and then theres me me right here, alive and full of stupid and pathetic dread

maybe if i attempt again but make sure i come out alive then this stupid me will also die. and then maybe the next version of me that emerges wont be so inherently fucking insufferable to be around

[rickypottsboyfriend]

yipe

halloween is on thursday and i have to finish making my friends jevil cos so i have to measure and cut 7 more spikes , press , sew with my broken machine and hope they all come out the same size and angle and shape and then sew them onto the base shirt AND THEN cover the bottom of the triangles with the rectangle of fabric pinned on the shirt which will act as the base , fucking beg and scream and cry that its even and spaced properly , hope none of the markings are showing from the shitty “ fashion chalk “ or whatever they are can be seen , cut the hood from the cape and finish the edge to make it look natural , and finish taking apart the bases of the neckpiece , measure it shorter but not too short that there isnt enough fabrix to cover the elastic , measure and cut everything to the right size , and attatch it all using either hand , which will be uneven and loose , or machine , which risks riping it coz the goddamn machine is broken which my mom refuses to help pay for a new one and wants me to ask for one for my birthday / christmas but a fucking sewing machine is NOT at the top of my purchases list for when i turn 18

tags might be triggering soz they mention sa and sui

[catparty41]

Guy who is completely serious voice: god, sometimes i just wish someone would shoot me in the skull. But like, not in a suicidal way or anything.

[angrycloudcrown]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[so-long-soldier-writes]

~ updated: 6/15/24

~ read tags before reading; each fic is thoroughly tagged  

~ back to masterlist

✨ ~ fluff

🖤 ~ smut

⛓️ ~ dark &/or kink themes

💚 ~ angst

🌈 ~ fun themes

you're getting used to the coldness in your apartment. the chill that lingers in the air, the absence of his presence. for four months you wait for him, willing for the past and cursing those who've altered your future; wishing for the way things used to be, and hoping they wouldn't be lost beyond repair. but the next time you see him, out on your doorstep, you realize you can't just pick up the pieces, you have to restart the whole puzzle. (heretic!kai) pt. 2 ~ (here) (ao3) pt. 3 - (here) (ao3)

•

• never let me go ~ (here) (ao3) 💚✨

• gorgeous ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🖤

troubled by his own body, kai's afraid to go all the way with you. that is, until you confess you love him regardless of the way he looks, giving him just the confidence he's needed all along. (tw: implied abuse & s3lf h4rm) (virgin!kai)

• anatomy class ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤

kai + magic + boredom = trouble (high school au / both 18+)

• dog days are over ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️💚✨

the post-wedding heartbreak never ceases. without him, life seems to lose its meaning. but despite your best efforts to depart and chase the void that seems to call to you, somehow you're held back. someone refuses to let you go. (tw: sui attempt)

• feeding 101 ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

damon was a great teacher during elena's transition, but he's less than helpful when kai escapes hell and needs to feed. luckily, you're there at the right place, right time, and offer to teach him, (much to damon's disapproval). (heretic!kai)

• teensy little crush ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

you have a crush on kai you haven't been able to shake for weeks. unfortunately, you're too shy to do anything about it, either. but luckily, elena steps in with a plan, and helps you win over the witch's heart.

• the agreement ~ (here) (ao3) ✨💚(ish)

helping kai adjust to a normal life has its ups and downs, but he, of course, always wins in the end.

• good morning ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️🖤✨

you and kai make an agreement to wake each other up one morning when the other's least expecting it. it has an… unexpected outcome. (tw: cnc / somnophilia)

• flying monkeys ~ (here) (ao3) 🌈

kai mentions in passing that he can fly a plane. you challenge him to prove it.

• new year's kiss ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

it's tradition for new year's to start with a kiss… just like it's tradition to kiss under a mistletoe. and unfortunately, as traditional as mystic falls is, there's no way out but through

• of mice and... heretics? ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

of all the problems to have in mystic falls, yours is mice... luckily, kai comes to the rescue (heretic!kai) (soft!kai)

• red ~ (here) (ao3) 💚✨

for forty years, kai only knew three shades of red. however, he finally finds his fourth and favorite the year he settles into a new life in mystic falls.

• bar shots ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤

your newest coworker takes his staring problem further up a notch.

• little wolf ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

kai bonds with the girl that lives down the hall from him in the boarding house. (wolf!reader)

• airport troubles ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤✨

you face some trouble with TSA while trying to catch your flight. the suspicious agent uses some unconventional methods to get the truth out of you.

• stormy weather ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️✨

the rule is always the same: thirty minutes after it storms, kai can spend some time outside. that's when most people are still in their homes and it's too muddy for the children to go out yet. though this time, his father bends the rule, just a little, and lets his son out one wet, chilly afternoon. it just so happens that something bad is about to go down at that very same time, and luckily, kai is there to protect her. (tw: s3lf h4rm)

• our little secret ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤

you should've known wearing a short little skirt would rile him up. but then again... maybe you did it on purpose. (80s!step-brother!kai)

• make me a promise, please? ~ (here) (ao3) ✨💚 | requested

sometimes the easiest way to deal with pain is to feel it upon your skin. but of course, there's consequences to that. for years, you've been able to hide your scars, though, as you'll quickly discover, you can't hide the truth from your boyfriend for long.

• more than friends ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🖤

your "more than friends" status with kai is revealed when you lose hold of a silencing spell. jo, of course, has a lot to say about it. (80s!kai x witch!reader)

• his for eternity ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🖤⛓️💚 | requested

alaric steals a gemini grimoire, summoning you and kai back to mystic falls. trying to get it back proves to be a challenge with a risk kai’s not willing to take. (heretic!kai) (witch!reader)

• drunk words are sober thoughts ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

of course, on the night all your friends are hooking up, you get too drunk to take yourself home. walking home at night, drunk, and in mystic falls is not something on your bucket list, and to make matters worse, you can't help but feel a pair of eyes on you from a distance. so, feeling desperate, you call the contact given to you "for emergencies only," and hope that he shows.

• best cure for boredom ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤⛓️

you text your boyfriend, bored in class and looking for entertainment, but instead catch him in one of his needier moments. after two seconds of debate, you decide you have nothing better to do than to help him.

• favorite sociopath ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

damon and bonnie leave you in charge of babysitting kai. you accept willingly as time to get to know him.

• almost caught ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🖤

innocent cuddling turns into something more on one of the few nights a week joshua parker lets you spend alone time with kai. who can blame you, as strict as he is?

• bloodlust ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤⛓️

part of you knew it was wishful thinking to believe vampires couldn't sense period blood. your heretic best friend proves that true when he comes over to see you. in fact, to him, it smells even sweeter than the blood you normally offer, and he practically begs you for a taste. (heretic!kai) (virgin!kai)

• brooklyn ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

kai finds you wearing his shirt.

• see you at seven ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️

you let kai feed off you for the first time. (heretic!kai)

• go to hell ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤⛓️

there's nothing like waking up realizing you've been kidnapped by mystic falls' own sociopath, malachai parker. will this day end with your blood on his hands, or will his sweet spot for you save your life? (tw: cnc)

• love bite ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️

a make-out session gets heated. kinks are explored. a friends' dinner reveals all.

• nightmares ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

after three straight days of kai having nightmares, you can't take the cries anymore and need to intervene.

• he’s like a puppy ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

an argument starts up when damon and bonnie return to the boarding house to find you and kai spending time together. it goes south when you start to defend kai against your friends' remarks.

#1 - stomach ache ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

kai comforting you when you have a stomach ache

#2 - pink starbursts ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

listening to caroline plan a party gets boring. kai finds a way to entertain himself.

#3 - can’t help that i love you ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

while you and kai aren't necessarily in a relationship, no one can ignore the way you are together. it started with kai's nightmares, bringing you to his side for nightly comfort. soon, gentle touches on his back led to full blown hugs and forehead kisses; simple conversation turned to long talks, and you're only getting closer every day. kai feels safe with you, and you're falling for him. maybe he's falling for you, too. this is why your "thing" needs to stop. right now. (soft!kai)

#4 - the dinner party ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤(minor ⛓️)

ten minutes before company arrives. five to finish up, two to clean up, one to fix your hair, and the last two to occupy yourself with something inconspicuous. a perfect amount of time. let's just hope they don't show up early...  

#5 - stupid, sad movie ~ (here) (ao3) ✨

since kai missed out on over a decade of movies, you now spend your nights watching the best ones. tonight's movie: titanic. (soft!kai)

#6 - “i took his virginity” ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

you should've known kol would find out about your new boyfriend before you'd be able to tell him yourself. luckily, you're able to talk him into accepting kai, as long as he treats you right. (best friend!kol mikaelson x reader)

#7 - kissing disease ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

despite the deal he had made with her several weeks ago, kai needs his sister for her medical opinion, again.

#8 - jumpscares ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

kai has the worst timing for wanting your attention (best friend!kai)

#9 - hope ~ (here) (ao3) ✨⛓️

kai notices your scars.  (tw: s3lf h4rm)

#10 - aphrodisiac ~ (here) (ao3) ✨🌈

you can only listen to damon ramble on for so long before you lose focus. unfortunately, this time, your zoning out manages to cause maximum embarrassment when the rest of the group follows your line of sight.

#11 - sinful ~ (here) (ao3) 🖤⛓️

shoe humping with kai... specifically, those old 1994 converse

#12 - kiss on the cheek ~ (here) ✨

kai receiving a kiss on the cheek would have no freaking clue what to do with himself. 

#13 - the massage ~ (here) (ao3) ✨️

kai's sure he'll win the bet. you're positive he won't.

#14 - morning coffee ~ (here) (ao3) ✨️🌈

the sun rises. a new day starts. yet, everything remains the same, but nothing's where you left it.

#15 - attention to detail ~ (here) (ao3) ✨️

kai admires the way you watch tv.

• dating yandere!kai ~ (here) ⛓️✨

• heretic kai x accident prone reader ~ (here) ✨

• driving lessons ~ (here) 🌈

• kai’s sex life ~ (here) 🖤⛓️

• king!kai / royalty au ~ (here) 🌈

• demon!kai x angel!reader // angel!kai x demon!reader ~ (here) 🖤⛓️

• how he would be academically / intelligence-wise ~ (here) [n/r]

• childhood best friends to lovers ~ (here) ✨💚

• werewolf alpha kai // kai's demigod parent (pjo) ~ (here) 🖤🌈

• kai with a lip ring ~ (here) 🖤(mild)

• body swap au ~ (here) 🌈

• comfort ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️

a flashback to his childhood. a terrifying memory he thought he had repressed. | pre-1994 | (tw: [non-graphic] non-consent)

• the dog ~ (here) (ao3) ⛓️

kai hates the family dog. | pre-1994 | (tw: violence)

[charliespringverse]

writing fanfiction is a wild hobby bc i can be having a bright lovely day, feelin good, feelin healthy, and the way i celebrate this good day is by writing several thousand words of violent emotional suicide attempt aftermath .

[the-boy-who-drank-the-stars]

A Discordant Choir

tw: blood, sh, implied sui thoughts

James wasn’t sure when the thoughts started. 

It had to be somewhere in third year, he was certain of that- but he knew nothing else. It was as if they’d appeared one day in his head, a whole collection that did nothing but whisper heedlessly. Though it was more likely they’d settled in over time, a process that had stretched over many years, unnoticed until too late. 

Sometimes the voices were quiet, silent even, like they found nothing to murmur about it- eerie occasions, really. Other times they hissed and groaned, muttering about something or the other, so loud and insistent that James’s head would throb. 

They were like a maddening chorus of complaints, an offkey tune that never stopped playing. Yet James had grown used to them, relied on them even. They kept him stable, in check; were it not for them, he would be running blind. Hearing those voices was the worst part of his day, yet he always listened for more. It was like sitting on the edge of your seat, watching a horror movie- you needed to know what came next, even if you shouldn’t. 

Maybe it was the voices that brought him here, to this moment, in the bathroom. 

It was a furnished, clean bathroom- Potter Manor would tolerate nothing less than pristine white walls and the faint fragrance of jasmine. Everything was spotless- too spotless, he thought. It was uncanny how well-off he was. No, not well-off- privileged. 

He stood, leaning over the sink, his hands clenching both sides of the counter as he stared into the mirror. In the fluorescent light, his skin looked pale, almost sickly- his hair was dark and mussed, but not in the artful way Sirius had taught him. His pupils looked dilated, his face thin and gaunt. He looked fragile, like he would break any moment. 

Privileged boy, indeed.

He reached for the blade that laid next to his fingers, running his hand along the sharp end. It had taken two hours to properly sharpen, but now that he examined it closely, he could admit it was worth it. Beautiful, the voices crooned, like a discordant choir. 

He lifted the blade to his arm, pausing only an inch from the skin. 

He had loving parents, loyal friends. He had money, popularity, charisma. He had everything to be desired by a boy his age. 

Yet it was too much, for someone like him. Too much and too good. 

He pressed the blade to his skin, almost hissing at the cold touch. He could almost smell the coppery scent of blood, could almost feel the twist of pain. Almost. 

Was it possible, to pretend any longer? To play along further? To preserve his image, his reputation, his sense of self? Could he do it? Could he lay down the blade and put the voices behind him?

A strong person could, whispered the voices. A strong person could do it all, easily, effortlessly. 

But James was not strong. 

He dragged the knife downwards, making the first cut.

***

dedicated to @aesthetic-writer18 (enjoy our wedding gift <3)

tag list: @themortalityofundyingstars @vivusmortuusexcrucior @randomravager