#tw queer angst

[14thcommander]

The taste of her kiss is bittersweet.

The guilt goes away as quickly as it arrives, not enough to fully disrupt the moment. It’s all tongue and teeth, hungry in its very nature. Yet, it is the softest touch you have ever felt.

When she moves away from you — just slightly, as you can still feel her warm breath fanning over your face — you wonder what your family would think of this.

Would they want to fix you? Would they seek a cure for whatever disease takes over your chest whenever you see her?

The weed blooming in your heart, twisting around its organic cage, is too strong. The thoughts of sin and guilt are like an image on a fuzzy television screen — faint, but still there. Tattooed on your skin like the scars you made yourself.

Her warm palms are pressed against your cheeks. She briefly squishes them, giggling as she does so. You exchange the beautiful sounds of laughter.

With an expression of a faint smile on your face, you move forward. Your lips are on hers again.

She doesn’t pull away. In fact, she brings you closer. Your body is pressed against hers.

In this moment, you wonder if God will forgive you for not being able to love a man — at least, not like you love her.

Who could know the mind of God, after all?

[manufacturedrainbows]

My boy Kageyama bonked his head on a volleyball cart - turns out sharp metal will slice your skin right open ☠️

Head injuries bleed like wild so he's shaken up, but Ukai's a good coach (dad) and takes care of it 😤👏 Ukai loves his 12 sons fr

Based on a whump fanfic I'll probably never finish the draft for 🤪

[stiickykeeys]

[stardella]

Fic readers are def familiar with the “what if Ballister and Nimona were a few minutes late to confront the director” trope…

[lvrboy-inc]

“偽顔” — Yama

꒰: Précis | Middle-aged, existential, train wreck office worker diving head first into the club scene. One night of debauchery and a “You only live once” attitude turns out more problems than ever before. Torn between two worlds and wondering if he should try the pill one..more..time…

꒰: Disclaimer(s) | Strong language, suggestiveness in the sexual regard, + heavy drug usage, angst, yearning, heavy history, office affair..[Ecstasy, Nose sugar, Alcohol, etc.] Tread carefully~!!

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@lvrboy-inc on tumblr. All Rights Reserved. Do not steal, copy, or translate any of my works.

[rhiandoesfandom]

Tried to go to sleep and was once again woken up by comparisons of my life and the lives of Blitzø Buckzo and Stolas Goetia.

So let me tell you the story about my suicide attempt. Of course this is going to be very different, as I am a nonbinary trans queer person and these are two male gay demons in hell lol.

But I was able to draw a lot of parallels that even I was like, "oh. Oh no" Lmao.

So, it was 2018. My partner and I were still unengaged. We didn't really know what to call one another since I was nonbinary, besides partner.

I had a Lot of chest dysphoria. It was crippling. The dysphoria around my body is probably the biggest part that differs between me and our boys here.

Anyway, I was always one to take care of other people, and other people never took care of me. Thus my connection to Blitz. As well as, I was a very lonely kid and teen. And when I became an adult it didn't change much. I found solace in reading, and was always very autistic and had trouble with communication in large groups, and taking criticism. Thus my connection to Stolas.

There are many things that they both do in the show that I recognize from my own mental health journey that I related to (and is hard to see someone else to through), but also is important to show in a show like that.

The insecure hugging of the self, the anxiety spiraling, the deflection to different topics, the just "not thinking about it" and focusing on something else. I did all of these. They're coping mechanisms. Not great ones. But they are.

I would say I don't necessarily have their brand of abandonment issues, but I do have something they both have which is rejection sensitivity. If I am rejected by someone for something, I am devastated. It has taken me a long time to not take certain things personally and realize that other people are speaking from their own perspective and not trying to diminish mine. And is partly why a psychologist thought I had BPD once, (I did not, just anxiety and CPTSD).

Both of these boys, they have gone through none of that growth. They still hear the tiny minute rejection and they shut off from other people. Or they react, albeit in Blitz's case, 'Blows up' on others based on the way he himself was treated as a kid.

Now, I'll talk about the suicide attempt so if you wanna skip the rest you can. I understand.

I was walking home from work. I worked at a cafe and lived about a 30 min walk home in an apartment complex. It had been a particularly busy Sunday rush day, and I was feeling vulnerable from constant misgendering, constant berating about how to do my job, and no support whatsoever for eight hours straight.

I was already crying during the walk and I was hugging myself. I wasn't wearing a binder and felt the urge to have the breasts off my chest NOW but obviously I couldn't. I grabbed at my chest and sobbed, and once I was outside my apartment complex, I stood on the edge of the curb of the sidewalk and considered walking into traffic.

I heavily considered it. But as I stood there, my other hand took out my phone and dialed my partner who was already at home. I told him what was going on and I stood on the curb until he got there and held my hand as I stepped back, and cried into his chest.

I haven't tried since but I did end up in outpatient therapy. And I want to explore this comparison to Blitz and Stolas because one of them is about to mentally break. And it can take the littlest things stacking up to do so.

[joytheskeleton]

I was inspired by old fanart i did and @Zeyn_Syre cw: gore, child ...

I did one of my first videos!!! I'll explain the lore behind it soon!

@quishyorgannet @sundove88 @kattozilla-blog @ask-blog-for-cold-family @dorkfacedtheoo

[idontplaytrack]

✧ Free

Jos Cleary-Lopez x fem! reader

Warnings: MDNI, mature themes— mentions to miscarriage, coarse language, angst, descriptions to self-harm, mentions to blood & bodily fluids, death

Part 2 for A part of me

Fourteen days since you’ve been home at Jos’, fourteen days since you’ve been at the hospital, fourteen days since you’ve left the house. Two whole weeks since that nightmare of a situation happened to you. Not much has changed since, other than the obvious. Margot and Rob looked at you with pity-filled eyes…you hated that. You didn’t need the pity. Though yes, what you were going through currently was extremely painfully since you were constantly bleeding and cramping— pity was the last thing you needed. It made you feel like a helpless little baby. You hated being treated that way. Jos knew you way better, so there was none of that with her. But there was no denying she was very…careful. In just about everything she did since then.

On the plus side, you were spared a long and torturous trial because they found evidence from him in the kit they had to do on you. But even with him out of the house, you were still where it happened, even though it was actually the safest place for you to be. You couldn’t go home, and it wasn’t like you were home a lot anyway…seeing that neither of your parents have even texted to ask where you were. But there was no way you could function the way you were now, at home. You could barely do anything on your own— that would prompt them to ask about what was going on and you did not want more people to know.

“Hi, baby.” Jos greets you with a smile as she walks into her room holding a bed tray. “Just in time.”

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” You asked flatly, pushing the blanket off of yourself. She only smiles at you again, gaze soft as she places that tray near the bottom of the bed while you went to wash up and stretch.

“No, it’s fine.” She leans against the wall, taking to you, “Got to spend some time with my mom to make bread so that was nice. She already left for work and Izzy’s off at school too— so, it’s just us.”

“Oh. Okay.” You answered, shutting the door so you could do your business. You sat there staring down at the juncture between your thighs, sick of what you were seeing and what you had to do. The bleeding has lessened gradually over the last two weeks, which was approximately the amount of time the hospital had told you it would take for it to come to an end.

This morning was the least gory it’s looked to you, but still, it’s been two weeks too long. You sigh, changing out the sanitary napkin before you washed your hands and exited the bathroom. Jos stretches out her arm, pulling you close gently and pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Sit down, have some food then we’ll go for a little walk?”

“Okay, that sounds pretty nice.” You reached for the mug of green tea first then dug into the egg muffins Jos and Margot had made.

“I’m gonna go grab some food for myself. Be right back.”

After breakfast, you left the house with Jos for the first time in four days. Like last time, it was a walk around the same park just right by her house. But, Margot and Rob were both pretty against either of you leaving the house for too long— because of Matt’s actions that have brought on a lot of attention from the media. You were definitely feeling the stress of it hearing phones ringing off the hook, the news channels on TV talking all about Matt getting arrested. It was only a matter of time before the reason got exposed. Along with your identity.

As you walked along the path in the quiet park, hand in hand with Jos, that was all you could think about. And it has easily caused your anxiety to skyrocket and you to freeze in your tracks. Jos similarly stops, looking at you, concerned. “I think we should go home.” You managed to tell her.

She doesn’t even question it and agreed, immediately walking back home with you. And there you were, sitting on the couch with another mug of tea. Jos sits right beside you but you scooted a little bit away from her. She notices but chose not to say anything. Her hand finds its way to your thigh and you so quickly got up and excused yourself to go use the restroom. Typically, she wouldn’t say anything but it was the fact that you seemed so startled by it even though she’s always does this— even back at the hospital, that had her worried.

————

The skin beneath your fingertips turn white as you gripped at it, your breath progressively gets ragged, heart slamming against your chest. Your whole body goes stiff while your mind starts racing about a bunch of what-ifs that could happen in relation to the whole situation with Matt. With each passing day, your fear only grew. You could already see those headlines or hear them— all in your head. It’s been all you could think about the past three days. You weren’t sure what started it, but the lack of anything to do lately has definitely caused this, in a way.

As the warm water repeated hit your back, you take in deep breaths inhaling the steam. The loofah gripped in your hand scrubs your skin raw. It stings after some time but you just couldn’t stop. Of course it stung, you’ve been doing the same thing for the past week. Events from that goddamn night started to flood your mind, you needed to get out. Gasping for air, you blindly reached forward and shut the water off, scurrying to grab your towel off the counter. A string of knocks pull you out of your bubble, you gasped aloud, thoroughly shocked. “Baby?”

It was Jos.

“Are you alright? You’ve been in there awhile, y/n.”

“Y-yeah, yeah. I’ll be right out, Jos.” You exhaled forcefully, drying yourself off and getting dressed as fast as your limbs allowed you to in the moment.

You exit the bathroom as if nothing has happened, but you were still anxious. So fucking anxious, and terrified. Walking past her, you headed upstairs to Jos’ room. But, as expected she stops you before you even made it halfway up the stairs.

“What?” You snapped, your voice shaky.

With her hand on your wrist, she was quick to spot the redness on your arms. She almost nearly let it go immediately out of shock. You yank your arm away from her grip, trying not to burst into tears.

“What—”

“You know what.” You spat, pushing past her as tears slipped down your cheeks.

‘I probably should’ve waited until she was sitting down and could properly talk to her.’ Jos thinks, catching up with you swiftly.

Right before she steps into her room, she stops herself, watching what you were doing. You were sat on the floor by her bed, backpack in front of you as you took a pouch out of it. Your actions were frazzled, breathing growing erratic. The contents got dumped on the hardwood floors, landing with a clatter. Papers, no— photos. Ultrasound photos and pieces of plastic which Jos had yet to make out as pregnancy tests. Seeing all of them sprawled out on the floor before your eyes, you lost it— you bawled. Jos was shocked, she didn’t know what to do now. Nothing was processing in her mind. It wasn’t until a scream snaps her out of her racing thoughts, her eyes watched you grab the items by the handful and crushed them.

Fuck.

She let you release all of those emotions before she stepped in. You needed that. “y/n.” She calls your name, walking closer to you.

“What—” You panted, hands letting go of the items as your body shook, overwhelmed. You were still in tears. “What— I— fuck!��

“You’re okay, baby.” She kneels down before you, holding your face in her hands

“No.” You kept babbling over and over, “No, no I feel so dirty.”

“Baby, you’re not…you—”

You cut her off, “It’s my fault. I tempted him. I gave him the chance to do whatever he did to me. I deserved it. I shouldn’t have gotten together with you. He’s right…I don’t deserve you.”

Jos held it together as best as she could, painfully swallowing the tears. Her heart sank, getting smashed into pieces hearing your words. “It’s not your fault.” She says, “It’s not your fault, y/n. He should’ve never laid his hands on you. Nothing could make what he did justifiable.”

“Now every time I try to go to sleep, all I can think about is what kind of headlines would come up overnight.” You wept, “I’m terrified to do anything. Go anywhere. I—”

Jos engulfs you in a tight hug, putting physical pressure on you to calm you down some. “We’ll get through this, okay? I love you, I care about you. That’s never going to change. He’s gone now, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Can’t he? What he did is still haunting me. I wake up screaming and crying and then you get dragged into it.”

“I love you.” She repeated herself, “No matter what. I couldn’t care less about him— he can go to hell right now, and he should.”

“I’m tired, Jos.” You said to her and inside, she was worried. This…reckless behaviour. She understood why because you’d obviously went through something that was as good as being put through hell. But you hurting yourself over it, after everything? She wished you didn’t do that. Oh how she wishes that you’d just release your emotions with her instead of taking them out on yourself.

“Let me be strong for you then. You don’t have to worry about that right now. Focus on healing your body, your mind…going to those appointments with your therapist. Anything that can help, not what happens in bad moments. If you want to cry, you go right ahead and cry. Scream? I’ll be here. If you want to hit something, please do. Not yourself, though, please. Tell me. I’ll be right here to help you. You’re not alone, baby. I’m right here with you.”

“What do I do with all these stuff? I don’t want them— but it also feels wrong to throw it all away. Is it even right to keep a photo of the scan? I— it’s like I don’t know anything anymore.” You rambled, eyes slowly going back onto the mess on the floor.

“Keep one if you feel like that’s what you need to do. Then toss the rest. Keep whichever one’s the one that your eyes look at first. Don’t overthink it.”

You heeded her advice, keeping one and very swiftly getting rid of the rest. Somehow, you were still in tears. But the urge of the self-destructive behaviour had completely died away in that moment. You felt calmer after all of that, and hearing what she had to say to you contributed to it. You appreciated it, and her. But sometimes, the memories got the best of you. This was not easy to forget, to process…having taken a huge toll on your mind and body alike.

————

That evening, hell broke loose again. News outlet dug through social media and started spreading photos of you, and plastered them all over their shows to speculate who you were. Granted the photos were publicly posted on Margot’s page, they were ones taken at events the family would be at. Your identity has never been revealed by anyone. People just assumed you were another daughter of theirs. They neither confirmed, nor deny it— to maintain your privacy.

The police revealed to you and the family that the attack was premeditated. There were deleted messages to his friends to confirm it. After that you zoned out, failing to properly hear and process the fact that your identity was exposed to the media by him. Along with the fact that you were dating Jos— the eldest daughter of such an influential couple.

“What the fuck?!” Rob screeched at the TV screen, startling you, “We told them not to say anything about her identity. Fucking rats.”

“We didn’t talk about any of the things they’re saying. At all.” Margot was speechless, “How—”

“Matt. He planned all of it.” Jos guesses, “The police recovered texts he sent to his friends about it.”

“We know that, but not the fact that—”

“Well, I guess it didn’t matter, did it? Whoever they were found out anyway. Now her business is all over the news. Every little detail.” Jos huffs, “I didn’t post anything about her. So whatever they found out, was probably through your page.”

You ran out of the living room and onto the deck. Jos was right on your tail. “My life is over.” You broke down, “Nobody wants someone like me at their company, at their school, anywhere. Because of that fucking— I mean what the fuck? My life is a joke right now, Jos. How did I even get here? We’ve been working so hard to keep things about us private then he just spills it all to the world? I’d be fine if it was just that but he— he took away everything, Jos. My life as I knew it was gone the second he touched me. I pushed him away, but he fought back, pinning me down. I couldn’t move after that. I was terrified. Izzy was a few doors down. I didn’t dare to make any noise because I didn’t want to scare her. He knew that, he was smiling through all of it. He was happy. I can never spend a minute in silence without thinking about him, going out in public without thinking I’m being followed. Spend a minute in this house without being pitied by your parents. They mean well, they care but after awhile I just feel worse because I’m making them so worried and upset. He made me out to be a slut, that it was my fault that he raped me. That I am nothing but an object for his pleasure. I appreciate what you’ve been doing for me, what your parents have done for me. But we are never going to come back from this mess. It will always be stuck with us. With me. It’s on me, this mess. Your family’s reputation is ruined because of me. If I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t have done it.”

“I will never be normal again. I can go to as much therapy as I can but who recovers from something like that, Jos? It stays. And I don’t want that, Jos. I don’t want to drag you along with me.”

Her face falls, becoming an indistinguishable expression. But her eyes, they showed that she was heartbroken. Just like they’ve been showing the same for the last couple weeks. You couldn’t bear to see it anymore. She didn’t deserve a life like this because of you. No.

“I’m sorry, Jos.” You apologised, pressing a kiss to her cheek, “I have to let you go. I can’t do this to you, I love you. I don’t want you to be responsible for the consequences of your brother’s actions. Goodbye.”

Jos lets you leave without a fight, you hear her tearing up as you walked away from her. You fought the urge to look back and just walked ahead, towards the door. Her family didn’t stop you either— they heard it all. They must’ve.

That night, Jos was wide awake. She couldn’t allow herself to sleep. She was terrified she’d get a call from the hospital about you. Several hours later, she receives a voice memo from you. She immediately picks her phone off the nightstand to listen to it. “Jos, I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Shit.” Jos was instantly drove into panic, rushing into Margot and Rob’s room without knocking. Words failed her, she couldn’t say anything. She plays the message for them, hands shaking.

And then, Rob and Margot’s phones got messages as well. One after another. “Honey?” Margot stumbles out of bed and steadied Jos before she crashed onto the floor. Rob plays the message he receives. Jos barely heard anything after hearing the message she got, all of it sounded muffled from that point on.

“Where the hell did she go?”

Margot says she doesn’t know. Rob scrambles to grab Jos’ phone to check your location, knowing she has it. But your phone was no longer on. All three of them, helpless. But Jos knew there was no stopping you. You’ve had enough. You wanted the pain to end. Margot held Jos in a hug while she wailed, Rob was calling everyone he knew at hospitals to ask for you. No idea what Izzy was doing, but hopefully, she was asleep by this time of the night.

They finally located you about an hour later, and they all rushed to the hospital. “Jos, you— you go inside first.” Margot gives her shoulders a squeeze, “She’s your— oh, God. Rob, I—” Margit buries her head in Rob’s chest, sobbing. He held her head, another arm wrapped around her. Jos steps closer to the door, pushing it open. It creaks.

Jos hadn’t stopped crying, walking into the sterile hospital room and sitting down in the plastic chair next to your pale, lifeless body. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I promised I would always protect you but I couldn’t do it. I love you so very much, baby. Please don’t ever forget that. I know you were in a lot of pain, I know you were hurting, baby. But now, all of that’s gone. All of that. I get it. You’re free now. You never would’ve left if you didn’t need to. You didn’t need to say sorry. But God, I don’t know how to tell Izzy. But— Please just know and remember that I love you, I always will. Rest easy, sweet girl. I’ll see you again. Okay? Can you promise me that?” Holding onto your freezing cold hand, she presses a kiss to the back of it and placed it back down gently after giving it a squeeze, “See you later, hm? I’ll miss you.”

Jos didn’t look back, she couldn’t bear to see you in that state again. Falling limp in the safety of her parents’ embrace, she continues crying. Even when her parents have stopped. “She loves you so much, sweetheart. I just— I wish I could turn back the clock.”

“I know, Mom. But she—” Jos hiccups, Margot rubs her back, “At least she’s not suffering anymore. She deserves that at least.”

Rob walks in next, “It pains me that you had to resort to this, mija. I’m very sorry we couldn’t do more for you. I just want you know how proud we have all been of you, you’re such a smart girl. Such a bright future ahead of you. I hate myself for not seeing any signs of what could’ve led to that night. You were robbed of a life that you were supposed to enjoy. But Jos, she’s right. At least you’re free to do whatever you want now, you’re not in pain anymore. You deserve that after all you’ve been fighting through. It just got too much and I…I get that. Don’t worry about us, okay? We’ll see you again in some years. Probably me first, though. Because I’m old.” He chuckles, sitting down on the same plastic chair, “Rest easy, we love you. Would you just promise to give us a sign that you’re okay whenever you’re ready? I— mija, I, goddamn, I don’t even know what to say anymore. You’ve been such a joy and blessing to our family. I just know we’ll miss you so much. Okay, I’ll let you and Margot talk now, alright? See you around, mija.”

Rob and Margot switched places, allowing her to talk to you finally. “I remember when Jos first brought you home to meet us. I just knew you would be the one. I’ve never seen her so happy…the way she looked at you was the cutest thing ever. So it kills me that life has taken such a turn and forced you to do this. We say we’re hurting now, and we are. But nothing compares to what you had to endure. You— my goodness, sweetie. I’m so sorry you had to go through finding out and the miscarriage alone. I can’t even imagine how scared you must’ve felt. But you pushed through and that’s so badass, honey. Thank you for making my girls so happy, thank you for treating us like your own family. All the memories — the laughter, the late night chats, baking together, cooking together, playing games, singing in the car. Everything— you have been such a blessing and I hope you know that. Please don’t forget that. Please don’t blame yourself anymore because none of this is your fault. We don’t blame you for any of it. You just…rest now and just do whatever you wanna do, because baby girl, you…you’re free. No one’s going to hurt you anymore.”

Margot leaves the room, trying not to cry again. Jos walks back inside for one last goodbye. “I just want to sit with you for a minute.” She sniffles, watching you through her blurred vision. Jos profusely blinked her tears away to get a good look at you, wanting to take it all in.

Leaning forward, she continues, “I wish you didn’t leave my house the way you did tonight. I wish I could’ve held you one last time, gave you a proper kiss. Tell you it was okay. But no, you left upset. And I— I can’t let that go, baby. I’m so sorry I didn’t just hug you and didn’t let you go just yet. Because god, I need that so bad right now, my love. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I let you leave without saying I love you back. I need you, baby. Please come and visit me, okay? Please?”

Taking in a shaky breath that she lets out slowly, she got closer and stroked your cheek, biting the inside of her own as tears poured from her eyes, obstructing her vision. “I love you, too.”

🏷️ Tag list

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[dimsunsstuff]

I swear they're not as tragic as I make them out to be

[ocs Misha and Fox]

(I couldn't find what it was called but it's a study of that one Joe Bowler painting I think we all know which)

[manufacturedrainbows]

True friends let you vent about your shitty ex and don't point out how forced your smile is 😎👌

Dallas has been through a lot, but in the end, he got out 🖤

Everyone say "thank you Yariel for being a real one" 😭👏

[ucetheones]

Don't Tell Him

*my other fics and requests are still in the works, i just couldn't drop this idea.

In Jon's mind, he and Josh would grow old together, the way twins were meant to. They'd get married around the same time, have kids in succession and just exist together with whatever partners the universe dropped in their laps.

It never occurred to him that Josh could die before him. Die as in stop breathing, and never open his eyes again.

It wasn't a thought worth entertaining, until it was. 

Because Josh lay prone; in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. A life that he'd barely begun living. They were only twenty after all, having just moved out of their parents house and into a cramped apartment with Joe. They were finally independent, and now Josh's life hung in the balance. 

At any moment, the machines breathing life into Jon's twin could fail at their job. At any moment, Jon could go from having his brother by his side, alive and happy, to buried and slowly being forgotten by those who claim to love him. 

The room is quiet aside from the sniffling of various people throughout said room. 

Obviously, Jon sat as close to Josh's bed as he could without disturbing the machines at work; Joe sat on the opposite side, his head hung low. 

By the window held Josh's boyfriend, Rami. He all but refused to get to close. He'd tearfully confessed that the reason Josh was hurt was because they'd been arguing on the drive back to Rami's apartment. There was mention of a patch of ice, and a skidding car, but Jon had tuned him out after. 

He'd made it out "unscathed". Rami's words, not Jon's. Because Jon wouldn't call a broken arm and cracked ribs unscathed, but there wasn't time to argue. Not while Josh was…there.

He knew it wasn't Rami's fault, but the man refused to accept that. If Rami had just waited to bring up the fact Josh hadn't been eating or sleeping well, they wouldn't all be waiting for a moment that may never come.

Eventually, their parents arrive with Sefa, and the sight of his mother's red eyes and his younger brother's downturned lips, has Jon rushing to Rami.

"You can't tell them y'all was arguing…my pops ain't gonna get it. He gon' try to blame you."

Rami just shakes his head, his throat going dry. "I have to, Jon. Their son could die because of me."

This time it's Jon who shakes his head, a scoff leaving him. "Uce, you was just worried about him. Tellin' them about the fight, means telling them everything goin' on with Josh, and 'ion think any of us can handle the can of worms Josh gon' open up if they find out he doin' that shit again."

Again. Because this isn't the first time Josh stopped eating and sleeping. It was something his family had spent so much time trying to help him with. They hadn't wanted to send him to a therapist back then, but they did. 

Rami seemed to mull over Jon's words, gently nodding. "You tell them then, please." There was a pleading tone to his voice, one that had Jon agreeing despite the disgusting feeling that settled in his stomach.

Telling them had gone as easy as Jon thought it would. Which is to say, it was difficult. Even with the details left out, the atmosphere of the room felt charged with a weird energy.

Joe had given his seat up to his aunt, claiming he'd sat long enough and wanted to stand.

No one commented on the fact that her legs had been shaking so much that their dad had been all that was holding her up.

It felt like hours before a doctor and nurse came into the room for updates, though said updates were no help, and did nothing to put anyone at ease.

They weren't sure why Josh hadn't woken up, when he would, or if he would. They knew nothing, and Jon wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs for someone to do something, for someone to bring Josh back to them. Back to him.

It took a lot of convincing, but when the nurse informed them that visiting hours would be ending soon, so only two people could stay, Jon had managed to sway his parents into going to get some rest.

Rami silently agreed to go with them, especially once Sefa had attached himself to the older man and refused to let go. It was obvious he was hesitant to leave his boyfriend, but everyone knew once Sefa latched onto someone, he wouldn't be letting go until he fell asleep. Jon thought Rami could use some rest as well, even if he hadn't voiced it.

Rami and Josh have been together for almost two years now. Two long years, that neither would trade for the world. Rami had easily been accepted into their family circle, it was hard to turn the redhead away, when just his presence was enough to have Josh smiling wider than anything else could.

If Josh wakes up…no, when Josh wakes up, he'll want to know Rami was okay. He'll want to know his boyfriend was well rested and fed.

When it was just Jon and Joe in the room, the beeping of machinery the only constant noise, Jon couldn't help the thoughts that raced through his mind. They weren't hopeful thoughts, they were frightening and left a sour taste in his mouth.

Thoughts of a life without Josh. A life where there was no Josh to poke fun at him for one embarrassing thing or the other, was no life. A future without Josh's constant rambles over things no one found interesting but him wasn't a future Jon wanted.

As it stood, he'd give anything to hear his younger brother ranting about some stupid ass show he was obsessed with, but ultimately hated. He'd give anything to switch places with Josh, right now. 

The sight of his baby brother stuck in a bed, unmoving, and not breathing on his own was one he wouldn't be forgetting. Because it was different from all the other times, the times where Josh was awake, even if he was grumbling about the disgusting food they'd served. Even when he was joking around about the state of his body.

"You think Lil' Uce can hear us?"

Jon shocks even himself when he breaks the silence in the room, his gaze falling on his cousin. 

The elder just shrugs, his lip tucked between his teeth. "If he can, he better wake the hell up right now, man." His tone is light, but there's a certain heaviness to it as well. 

Jon can't help but chuckle at his cousin's clear attempt at making him smile. "I hear that, Uce. He in for it when he wake up, trust me."

There was no real threat behind Jon's words, it was for the sake of lightening the mood. It worked, because Joe smiled over at him and it felt like a reward amongst the chaos.

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks is how long it took for Josh to open his eyes. Fourteen days of Joe and Jon talking to the younger boy with no response from him.

At least the machines that kept him alive the first few days were no longer necessary as he could breathe on his own now.

The first sight Josh was greeted with was Jon drooling in the seat by his bed, his neck angled awkwardly as he slept.

With considerable effort, Josh managed to turn his head to see Joe in a similar position, though his head was propped up by his hand.

Josh wanted to speak, but his throat was dry and felt like sandpaper with each swallow of saliva. He wanted to know how he ended up here, but that required one of them being awake.

Time passed slowly to the boy, but eventually Jon was waking up. Josh knew because he'd started twitching his nose. A habit his twin had never dropped.

When their eyes met, Jon almost immediately leapt from his chair. His hair was wild, like he'd barely touched it for days. "Uce.." His voice came out winded and full of disbelief. Josh wanted to laugh, but he refrained. 

With a raised brow, Josh cleared his throat. Jon got the message and quickly helped him guzzle down a cup of cool water.

The feeling was so soothing to his throat.

"How do you feel, bro?"

Josh did his best to shrug. He paused when he finally noticed the cast that traveled almost to his shoulder from his wrist. It was like all at once, all the aches registered in his brain, and it was all he could focus on.

"Feels like I've been hit by a goddamn semi…Uce, what the fuck did I do?" to emphasize his words, he groans and throws his head back.

"You don't remember how you got here?"

Josh offered a shake of his head.

"Nah, the last thing I remember was leaving Sefa's birthday celebration at Disney."

This had Jon furrowing his brows. They'd taken Sefa there for his birthday almost three years ago. How could Josh's last memory be from three fucking years ago?

"Josh…how old are we?" 

It was clear the question confused his twin, but he scoffed and turned his head to look at Jon once more. 

"We gon' be eighteen, Uce." 

Jon was silent. He wasn't sure what he was meant to say. His brother had lost three years. Meaning he had no fucking idea who Rami was, or that they'd be signing contracts with NXT in a matter of weeks. He didn't know that him, Joe and Jon all lived together. 

Lucky for him, Joe seemed to have caught the tail end of their conversation, and quickly butted in.

"I'm gonna get a nurse. To let them know you're up, yeah?" His eyes met Jon's, and his message was clear. 

"Don't tell Josh anything yet." Jon wasn't sure how he'd tell him anyway, so he'd leave that to the doctors. 

Maybe Josh was just disoriented and would soon gather his bearings. Maybe this memory loss was permanent. 

If it was…Jon isn't too confident for what it means moving forward.

[anfeycare]

(WARNING: blood)

"And I thought this couldn't get worse."

"And to think I believed this was going to feel any different..."

these sketches can be taken metaphorically or not (or both), and that can either be his or someone else's blood (or both...?)

(i particularly interpret that as being his own blood, and i interpret the sketches as being both a metaphor and not a metaphor at the same time. could also be interpreted in a trans way — even if it would make the sketches look a little hyperbolic and this is more blood than that would have — to be honest: he got on his period-)

anyways, feel free to have your own interpretations

[in-love-with-writing-whump]

Prompt

Whumpee and Caretaker had been through hell and back together countless times, and somewhere between rough beginnings and the present, they'd fallen in love. Whumpee spent years by their side, a stoic right hand who carried out the will of Caretaker, the virtuous leader of the group, making the tough calls, but not without guilt that they admitted to Whumpee behind closed doors. In turn, Whumpee would open up about their own past and concerns. They were each other’s person, matching halves.

Most didn't know about their relationship, not really anyway. There were rumors of course, but given Caretaker's rank, things were mostly kept quiet. A, Caretaker and Whumpee's friend, knew and often was the one spreading rumors, making jokes about how Caretaker and Whumpee embodied the "tall x smol" dynamic.

One day, Caretaker dies in a battle of some sort, and despite Whumpee's efforts, they can't stop them from bleeding to death. A watches with utter horror, openly bursting into tears as Whumpee closes Caretaker's eyes.

The rest of the group grieves quietly, busy tending to their wounds, not paying much mind as Whumpee and A take Caretaker's body to a nearby building where they can retrieve it later for burial.

For the first time ever, A sees Whumpee fall apart, kneeling before them, crying violently. They find themself at a loss for words, Whumpee's screams of agony the only sound in the building.

The only difference the rest of the group seemed to notice when they returned was that Whumpee's cloak/coat was a bit larger. Only A knew that it was Caretaker's name inscribed on the inside.

[acageddragon]

XAVIER BITES THE FUCKING CURB 4K

PICE OF POOOP RAUGHHH!!!

You know it’s bad when a fucking dweeb kicks your ass. How bad do you mess up to let Dane of all people get to that point ?!

Alas, he deserves he.

[leafycasper]

I finally finished my Hazbin Moulin Rouge animatic! I'll eventually post it to YouTube but for now I'm posting it here. I finished this like two weeks ago and then proceeded to do nothing about so here it is now!

[PLEASE DON'T REPOST WITHOUT CREDIT]

[drew-dopamine]

not my silly ass hating myself for being a trans guy and feeling like I’m doomed to become a misogynist horrible person if I ever try to transition if I’m not already a misogynist horrible person because I’m a guy right now 😜😜😜😜😜