#tw perceived self worth

[pacificglovebox]

Jyn - you're doing well! Please remember the scale today is not a measure of your value

CW for under the cut: weight loss and perceived self worth

It's fucked up that during weight loss my perceived self worth has started to be connected to a number on a scale and that a 4 oz (~0.113 Kg) "weight gain" on the scale since last monday makes me sad

I have lost nearly 55 lbs (~25kg) in the past 180 days and should remind myself i'm in this for the long haul

[vidavalor]

Yes, Crowley's expression here is hilarious and always worth a post in its own right 😊 but I thought I'd share something about what he's doing with his hand for anyone who is unfamiliar with that particular gesture, as it has a name and a purpose that goes along with a few other scenes in the series. It's also a good strategy in real life for anyone experiencing anxiety and might want another tool in their toolbox for it.

TWs: anxiety; trauma; PTSD; brief, indirect mention of SA.

For a lot of people who get something on their hands and are exploring the texture of it, the inclination would be to rub together the thumb and the index finger. Crowley's unique use of his fingers isn't just a sorcery thing, though, as what he is doing in this scene-- touching his thumb to his middle finger-- has a name amongst us humans.

It's called shuni mudra.

If you meditate or practice yoga, you have likely heard of mudras, which are different ways of positioning the hands to use the fingers to create a seal that directs prana-- aka energy flow-- in different ways throughout the body. Shuni mudra is done to generate a sense of calm and patience-- especially patience with the self. It is a hand gesture done as a way to help regulate the heart, circulatory & nervous systems and is most commonly used to counter anxiety. Like with any mudra, you don't have to do it in the midst of a yoga or a meditation session but can make the gesture just whenever you feel the need, as Crowley did in the scene above. If you give it a try, you'll probably find that it is surprisingly relaxing for such a simple gesture.

Crowley's outsized startle response to getting hit with the paint is very funny but it is also pretty typical of someone with PTSD-- especially someone who has it as a result of bodily autonomy violations, as is the case with Crowley. People who have experienced non-consensual loss of control over themselves tend to have a jumpy response to sudden, unexpected stimuli in their environment.

Even though Crowley flailing dramatically is hilarious to watch because he's so over-the-top with it, beneath the humor in the scene is also that being unexpectedly hit with something out of nowhere is a very common thing that can trigger anxiety in people with PTSD. Good Omens is very good at finding some humor in dealing with darkness and a comparable scene in tone to this is Gabriel bouncing off the walls when the angels show up at the bookshop in S2. What is very amusing "books are keen!", fly-chasing zaniness is really, underneath, unconscious anxiety manifesting, as part of Gabriel's mind knows that the angels are a threat to him and is reacting with panic at them in his bookshop safe space.

Ironically, reacting with panic to an angel perceived as a threat being in the bookshop safe space is also Crowley's S2 plot, as if he and Gabriel didn't already have more in common than Crowley is ready to admit...

But, back to the hand gesture thing...

There is evidence that things like shuni mudra are effective simply because they help to create a pause that interrupts anxious and self-critical thoughts, which then allows space for calming the mind and body. Used in the way that Crowley is using it here, it's very similar to the Five Things/5-4-3-2-1 strategy for staving off or stopping an anxiety attack, in that both pull people back into the present moment by creating a sense of concentration on something besides the feeling of panic.

That Crowley does this pretty intuitively in the paintball scene as a response to having something anxiety-inducing happen to him indicates he likely does it pretty frequently. Crowley automatically going to shuni mudra while he takes a breath and figures out what, exactly, has happened, is indicative of someone with an awareness of their anxiety and PTSD and who has and uses strategies to help manage them, which goes along with things we've seen in other scenes as well.

Crowley and Aziraphale are inhaling places and food with a clear devotion to trying to live mindfully. You don't need to have experienced trauma to do that but mindful living is prescriptive for virtually every sort of mental health struggle that exists so Crowley and Aziraphale seeing it as therapeutic, as well as enjoyable, seems likely.

In the bookshop, they have a lotus flower rug. The lotus flower has long been a symbol of trauma recovery. You might have heard of the saying "no mud, no lotus", referring to how beauty and health can be made in the wake of horrible experiences. The lotus flower originates in the mud at the bottom of a body of water and travels through it to bloom above the surface, which is at the root of it being symbolic across different cultures for things like enlightenment, purity, strength, and recovery. Its resilience and ability to literally wade through struggle to come through into the light and bloom makes it a metaphor for getting through different forms of trauma.

That Crowley and Aziraphale have this rug in their World of Carpets that is the bookshop, when combined with these other scenes, show how they're dedicated to working through their stuff together and trying to be the best trauma-informed partners they can to one another.

It's also on the lotus rug that Crowley and Aziraphale put Gabriel to perform the miracle to protect him and, when they do, their magic is done with both of them using another hand gesture-- gyan mudra, the seal of knowledge-- to complete the miracle.

I think if you take all of this together, you could make the case for either or both of Crowley and Aziraphale using yoga and/or meditation to help manage the effects of trauma. For those who think that Crowley has chronic pain, there's also that both of these things have been helpful for managing that in many people, so that might be another reason for Crowley, in particular, to practice them.

The lotus rug in the shop might not just be symbolic but also a meditation/yoga spot. Do we think The Serpent always starts with Snake Pose, just because? 🤭

[andypantsx3]

tw: violence, death

this is going to be the only thing i say about it because it is genuinely not worth anyone's time to engage with this.

but i do not understand how anyone can look at the horrific and deeply sickening images coming out of gaza, particularly rafah this past weekend, and turn around and complain about big blogs vs small blogs participating in ficsforgaza. people are screaming and retching and sobbing, hunting around in the dark for pieces of their dead children with their fucking phone lights and i do not know how any human being can see that and then care at all about perceived internet "clout". genuinely, where is your empathy?

beyond that it's also insanely infantilizing to the "small" blogs that are participating in ficsforgaza. literally every single donation matters, every single reblog and discussion point matters, whether or not a fic is fully sponsored. "small blogs" are literally contributing just as much time and quality and effort as anyone else, and don't you dare trivialize anyone's contribution like that.

i hope the people going around saying this stuff grow the fuck up and develop a sense of self-worth outside of internet clout and and even more importantly, a sense of empathy. i am sick.

[lycheedr3ams]

König Character Analysis (Part 1)

*image reposted with permission

Part 1: His Past | Part 2: König's MBTI

the first installment of a multi-part character analysis for our beloved König

to convince you guys i know what I'm talking about, just look through my blog at my könig posts. I am confident that I have grasped most parts of his personality and backstory, but I will acknowledge that some of it may be projecting. obviously we do not know much about him, which is the point of this series. i also relate a lot to him

discussion of my interpretation is welcome in the comments, and if you disagree, there's no need to be hateful. he is, at the end of the day, not real

TW: bullying, social anxiety, other mental health disorders

We have very little information on könig's life before the military. his bio includes one sentence, just one, about his past:

König suffered from severe social anxiety throughout his life, often being bullied during his childhood.

while this information alone isn't striking, when put into more context of other parts of his bio, it says:

While he hoped to join as a recon sniper, his physical size and his inability to stay still made him an unsuitable candidate.

focus on those words: his inability to stay still. this crucial bit of information, tied to the fact that he was often bullied, leads me to conclude that könig has ADHD. not being able to sit still is not a stereotype, it is a real fact of life for those with ADHD, me included. people with ADHD are bullied much more than neurotypicals (people without ADHD, autism, etc). while each source is different, it is estimated that children with ADHD are 4-10x more likely to be bullied.

it is no wonder why bullying would cause social anxiety, since most of könig's interactions with his peers were negative. as someone with social anxiety, it is horrible. not knowing what to say or how to act, you end up either completely misreading the social context or not saying anything. either way, you can never win.

additionally, children with ADHD receive up to 20,000 more negative messages from parents and peers in their childhood than neurotypical children. because of this, it is common for people with ADHD to also be extra sensitive to rejection, and it can be so strong in some that a new term has been coined called "rejection sensitive dysphoria." research on this issue has revealed that 99% of people with ADHD also have and experience rejection sensitive dysphoria. therefore, it makes sense to conclude that König also experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria (rsd)

an aside on rsd: this isn't just feeling hurt when you're rejected by a crush or feeling sheepish or embarrassed you're scolded at work or school. rsd episodes make you question your entire life, your personality, your worth, and for many can even lead to suicidal thoughts just from a small incident of rejection. it can also lead to the person having low self-esteem, and they are also more likely to perceive rejection even when it is not there. it is an intense and overwhelming experience that no one should have to go through, yet people with ADHD experience it often

so, we've established, based on the evidence i've provided, that König has ADHD, social anxiety, and experiences rsd. i would say that i can't even imagine what König's childhood was like, but sadly I can since i too have adhd and was bullied. being mean is never okay, and bullying is not cute or quirky or sassy. bullying is when someone kicks your books across the floor, steals and destroys your belongings, when they spread false rumors, make fun of you, laugh at you, when they give you mean faces when you ask questions in class, when your only friend is the other "weird" kid who also has ADHD. it's when your teachers constantly criticize you and you get in trouble for every little thing. it's when you just wanted a friend and everyone else knew how to socialize, but somehow, you didn't. being bullied while also having ADHD is an experience i wish on no one. yet könig went through this. just sit with that for a minute. the big scary military man we love was also a child once, and went through this.

sorry to depress you guys, but this is the reality of his character. i firmly believe that könig has ADHD and experiences rsd despite his untouchable and stoic demeanor, and you're not gonna change my mind.

so, that's the end of the first installment. keep your eyes out for more, cuz trust me, there's gonna be more. (also don't forget to sign up for my taglist if you want! link is on my masterpost)

taglist: @osteawb, @sleepystaarr, @vvampir3s, @simpxinnie, @majocookie, @sharkyyyyyyyyyyyy, @marysdelrey, @kybeth5, @chaos-on-stand-bi, @shannonswizzies, @arcadia509, @bloodstoneruby, @cumikering, @skystreamchan, @junkratssheila-09, @kit-williams, @tangerynsbaby, @dreamdiaries777, @royalbxstxrd, @non-satanic-panic, @theweirdchick, @kiyomisan, @maylif, @mortimoshi, @eneiss

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Tw: hate crimes, transphobia, pretty traumatic things Yves went through in his youth, body modification, violence, gore

Yves had breast augmentations before.

He had never truly identified himself as a woman, but he liked how certain dresses would look on him if he was well-endowed up top. He felt pretty and content with how he looked in front of the mirror after years of severe self-hatred.

It allowed him to bring back a bit more cash, but this wasn't his main motive to go under the knife. In fact, this observation disgusted him. Yves purely wanted a larger chest because it personally made him happy in his bleak bubble.

Though, it wasn't worth the sudden uptick of harassment and maltreatment from others around him. Men would predictably attack him every time he blinked, act entitled towards his body, and fucked him over in more ways than he could count. As if there was a massive bullseye target was painted onto him after he graduated from no bra to a C cup.

But what surprised him was that the women degraded him much worse than the men. They used to be indifferent to him at best, silently disgusted at him for being effeminate at worst. But as soon as he showed up with a feature that brought him closer to passing as a Cis woman, Yves lost almost all of their neutrality. Sometimes, they would set him up to be harmed by other men. Their hatred for Yves wouldn't be discrete anymore, they would call him hurtful names and slurs, accusing him of being a depraved sexual predator, even get into vicious physical fights with him, and end most nights with clumps of ripped hair and blood.

It was dangerous to reveal that he perceived himself as male while looking how he always desired to. So he lived a good chunk of his life under an identity that doesn't match how he felt inside. Yves had to train his vocal cords to sound feminine enough to not attract any more negative attention than he already had by existing somewhat authentically. He likes accessories that cover up his Adam's apple while flattering his form, Yves also likes styling his hair so that it takes the attention off his masculine features; covering his jaw and concealing his neck.

It was only when he caught himself in a particularly horrible altercation that his implants ruptured, spilling its silicone contents into his body and poisoning him slowly. But that wasn't as horrible as when he limped to the mirror right after merely escaping being beaten to death. He could ignore the wounds, bruises, and swelling, those can heal.

Yves was reduced to tears when he saw that he was ugly once more. His breasts were deformed and strange lumps started appearing elsewhere on his battered body. He couldn't afford to remedy it and neither was he mentally strong enough to handle the torment he was to face the following days. All his beautiful clothes are simply a reminder that he's a freak, an abomination of nature so atrocious, that the world tries everything in its power to kill despite Yves doing nothing except existing.

He swapped his stylish and gorgeous tops for baggy sweaters and turtlenecks. Anything above the shins was thrown out, likewise for clothing articles that revealed more than his face and hands. Gone, all of it must go. With a heavy heart and eyes puffy from incessantly crying, Yves burnt them all.

Yves was powerless back then. If the world didn't think that he deserved to wear it, then he simply had no right to. And he hated it, they made him feel like mere dirt no matter what he did. He couldn't do anything for himself without being unfairly punished for it.

He has moved on from that stage in life. He had matured and found peace within himself. Yves had fixed himself and he had learned how to let go. It's been a long time, the details are hazy to him now, and that is probably for the better.

But only if you knew what he went through, you would understand that he wasn't vacantly staring out of disapproval when you told him you wanted to have breast augmentation, just like he did when he was a fucked up young man. The long period of silence coupled with his empty emerald eyes unwaveringly trained onto yours wasn't due to judgment of your desire, but it was to manage whatever the fuck you dug back up he buried inside him by asking that one damned question.

After an uncomfortable pause, he would seemingly snap out of it and go ahead to tell you about all the risks that might come with it. In the end, he appears neutral, even supportive of the idea if he deems it beneficial to your self-esteem. All this while, you would never know about his own experience with it, Yves doesn't see the need to disclose it to you.

He had learned to let go of the past, making him see everything through an unbiased lens. You are not him, and you will never go through what he had to.

Yves makes sure of it.

[nodutra19]

Recommendations Based Off RGU

I already cobbled together Polyphony Garden (I saw someone else do an RGU pastiche based off Othello by Shakespeare, so I hope it's a valid work), but I wanna make a whole post recommending things I think fans of the Revolutionary Girl Utena anime would like based off themes and style. It's mostly books though. And of course, I'll provide trigger warnings.

Absolute Recommendations

The Pike: Gabriele d'Annunzio: Poet, Seducer, and Preacher of War by Lucy Hughes-Hallett

This is a biography on a man named Gabriele d'Annunzio, a progenitor of fascism who codified not just fascist ideals, but also aesthetics, including the Roman salute which would become the Nazi salute. He was one of the first major propagandists, a spearhead in aviation and the decadent literary movement, and much more. He was initially famous as an author and poet obsessed with beauty, but he emerged from the same strains as other Europeans. He directly inspired Mussolini, and Mussolini inspired Hitler. The biography is beautifully written, if somewhat poorly paced, a great examination of masculinity, fascism, the relation between reality and art, the strength of propaganda.

I do give an SA warning for it though.

Beloved by Toni Morrison

I get the feeling most American fans of RGU have read this but I figured I should list it anyhow and for anyone not familiar with American literature, or for people who aren't readers. This is a historical fiction novel about a woman named Sethe who is haunted both by her time as a slave on a plantation and the death of her baby. It's one of the saddest but greatest books I've ever read. I would love to teach this to a class one day.

I do give several warnings for SA, racism, and bestiality.

xxxHolic by CLAMP (as translated and adapted by William Flanagan)

It's not as deconstructive, parodic, dark, or abstract as RGU, but I think most people would like this. It's about 17-year-old Kimihiro Watanuki who possesses the ability to perceive and interact with spirits. Having grown tired of this over his short life, he one day meets Yûko Ichihara, the space-time witch who runs a wish-granting shop. In exchange for the shedding of this ability, she asks for something of equal value: to work for her. And so begins his service at her shop.

I should also mention that the sequel series xxxHolic Rei has been hiatus for nearly a decade. The series also has a sister work called Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle but it's honestly not worth reading if you ask me.

We Shall Now Begin Ethics by Shiori Amase

This is an episodic series about Mr. Takayanagi, a high school ethics teacher. It's a great crash course on philosophy, although I say that as someone whose only experience with philosophy has been Camus (and now Tolstoy).

I do give TWs for SA (especially the first three chapters, and one or two later on), self-harm, and general out-of-pocketness.

Me and the Devil Blues: The Unreal Life of Robert Johnson by Akira Hiramoto

Robert Johnson was a bluesman rumored to have made a deal with the devil. This is a fictionalized biography on him. Sadly, the series has been on hiatus for damn well a decade at this point and official copies are hard to get your hands on. But hey, the art is superb. I'm not Black, but it's refreshing to see manga portray Black characters that don't look like cartoons that Dr. Seuss grew up with.

Although seeing as how I'm not Black, I can't really judge the quality of either the official or fan translation (the image above comes from the fanscans.

I never did finish it so I can't give any TWs beyond "It takes place in the antebellum south."

And yes, it's that Akira Hiramoto.

The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York by Robert A. Caro

I want everyone U.S-born or U.S-residing, and everyone who hates car dependency to read this book, especially New Yorkers (especially especially the NY transplants). This is a biography on a man named Robert Moses who was New York's park commissioner for 39 years. Over his near-half-century tenure, he shaped much of New York. Many of the bridges, parks, and highways began with him. But over the years he cemented class and racial lines by prioritizing drivers and gutting public transit. He had "urban renewal" which displaced poor people from the few affordable neighborhoods around into "temporary housing," which he crowded with those people as he rebuilt their previous neighborhoods. By the end of the "renewal," the new housing was far out of the reach of the original tenants, and so they stayed in their new slums. This was a man who knew to maneuver the preexisting power structures and the court of public opinion. This is a book that examines not just a powerful person but the people on whom that person exercised his power. Robert A. Caro is a biographer I think Tolstoy would admire.

The only TWs I can give are for racism and general inhumanity. There's also one mention of SA iirc. Also, this book was published 1974. I guess at the time society hadn't made the complete transition to referring to African-Americans (and by extension other African diasporas and Black Africans) as "Black," so it uses the old word for them.

[robinzthoughts]

Yandere!Hannibal Lecter headcanons (Chat GPT)

I made Chat GPT write 10 yandere!Hannibal (NBC’s hannibal) headcanons because I was bored and they turned out pretty well so I decided to post them on here. Keep in mind that, since Chat GPT is a robot, these headcanons are based on objective facts and things that happened in the show and not on opinions. I obviously didn’t write these headcanons so credits to Chat GPT I guess? 

TW: yandere topics, mentions of murder, manipulation, and obsession

As a yandere, Hannibal Lecter's obsession with his love interest would reach terrifying levels. He would fixate on every aspect of their life, learning their routines, preferences, and desires, and he would go to great lengths to ensure their happiness, even if it means manipulating or harming others.

Hannibal's possessiveness would be intense and all-consuming. He would view his love interest as his prized possession and would become extremely jealous and protective of them. He would feel threatened by anyone who tries to get close to them and would take drastic measures to eliminate any perceived threats.

Hannibal's natural charm and charisma would play a significant role in his yandere behavior. He would use his persuasive abilities to mold his love interest's thoughts and emotions, subtly influencing their decisions to align with his desires. He would carefully craft a web of manipulation, making it difficult for them to escape his clutches.

Despite his sinister nature, Hannibal would go to great lengths to create grand gestures of love and affection. These gestures could range from extravagant dinners prepared with meticulous care to carefully arranged crime scenes designed to communicate his unwavering devotion. Each act would be calculated to display his love in the most twisted and unsettling ways.

Hannibal would be fiercely protective of his love interest, willing to do anything to shield them from harm. He would not hesitate to eliminate anyone he perceives as a threat, whether it be a former lover, a family member, or even a close friend. His actions would be driven by his twisted sense of love and the belief that he alone can protect them.

Hannibal would have difficulty distinguishing between love and possession, often blurring the line between the two. He would believe that he has the right to control every aspect of his love interest's life, making decisions for them and manipulating their choices. He would see any resistance as a betrayal and respond with terrifying consequences.

Hannibal would meticulously plan and execute his actions as a yandere. He would carefully cover his tracks, ensuring that no one suspects his true intentions. His intelligence and attention to detail would make it difficult for anyone to uncover the extent of his obsession until it's too late.

Hannibal would expertly manipulate his love interest's emotions, using their vulnerabilities against them. He would create a constant state of dependency, making them believe that he is the only one who truly understands and cares for them. Through emotional manipulation, he would ensure their loyalty and obedience.

Hannibal would be willing to endure immense pain and suffering for the sake of his love interest. Whether it's self-inflicted wounds to gain sympathy or enduring torment to protect them, he would see his sacrifices as proof of his unwavering devotion. This willingness to suffer would further cement his control over their lives.

Ultimately, Hannibal's yandere behavior would lead to tragic consequences. His twisted love would bring destruction and death to those around him, as he rationalizes his actions as necessary for the preservation of his love interest. In his mind, any price is worth paying to keep them by his side, even if it means descending further into madness.

[iravinirattu]

🧾 + smitten + cyno

⥽ • smitten.

. . in which CYNO is head over heels for you, and you have the audacity to doubt your beauty.

⥽ ~0.5k words. gn! reader. tw: body insecurities. ⥼

from z; i think sometimes i can get a little too caught up in wondering how the world perceives me. it's very easy to spiral into an endless chasm of am i good enough? do i look pretty enough? and it's an infinite chase of perfection that does not exist. as important as it is to not rely on others to determine your self worth, at times like that you really wish someone would tell you that you were enough.

and if you're feeling like that today, that person is gonna be me! if you've got something your upset about, hit me up! y'all are doing great, take care loves! ♡

to join; send me an emoji + a word + a character!

all you had done was look away, instinctively covering up your face when you'd giggled at one of his jokes.

"why do you do that? it hides your face. i can't see you laugh."

"i mean, yeah, that's sort of the point."

"why?"

you couldn't answer; you didn't know how. the question was simple, yet you found yourself looking away again.

ahh, you didn't mean to turn the mood gloomy. you were trying to think of something else to say, and-

"why?"

he held your chin, tilting your head to face him. the way he looked at you- his eyes were filled with earnesty, keeping you still, not letting you look away.

you couldn't escape, you couldn't lie either. he looked so genuinely curious, and you were trapped.

"i don't know. it's an instinct, i guess? i think i look a little worse for wear today, don't i?"

"you look like you always do. the most beautiful person i've laid my eyes on."

some would say that was cheesy, but to you, anything that came out of cyno's mouth was extraordinarily sweet. it was a talent of his, really.

nevertheless, you were skeptical.

"most beautiful in the world? really?"

the room turned deadly quiet. for a moment, you wondered if you'd said the wrong thing. the expression on his face was unreadable, and he was still staring at you intently, as if wording what he wanted to say next.

"i love the way your eyes look in the sun.

they are as brown as the earth after the year's first rain/ as blue as the sky sans clouds/ as green as a leaf that had just tasted dew/ as purple as the finest amethysts of the chasm/ as hazel as freshly picked honey/ as grey as a raging tempest.

i love the way your skin feels against mine.

it is as warm as the hearth on a cold winter day/ as frigid as the desert once the night sets. you are the shade of fine powder from a sandalwood tree/ milk chocolate dripping on summer's day/ a paneer rose in a child's hair/ palkova that is still kindling on the stove/ a raven's feather falling onto the ground.

i love the way your face is shaped, because it perfectly fits into my hands. i can cup it between my palms and kiss the bridge of your nose. you don't like the way your face is shaped? you wish you had/ didn't have a jawline? you wish your nose wasn't so? you wish it wasn't covered in scars/ freckles/ moles/ spots?

i suppose it is impossible to like everything about yourself. but i will not allow you to dislike them because you see them as flaws. you do not look perfect, because perfect does not exist. it is not something you need to attain.

every time i look at your face i melt. it doesn't matter if you are all dressed up, or if you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it doesn't matter if you are happy or sad or excited or mad.

as long as you are you, i will find beauty in everything you do."

[hsslilly-blog]

Thinking about HuntClaire. I like it when Hunt tells Claire he's "all in" (quest 5; First Date). I think it's an important moment to their relationship, and it's something that defines it. It's interesting especially when you take Claire's character in consideration. Here is my essay under the cut. It is very long, sorry!

Before anything: in my timeline for Hollywood U, quest 5/“First Date” takes place in Jan/15, so around 6 months have passed since “On the Hunt”.

As I've written before, Claire spent her entire life with a distorted view of love. This led her into less than ideal situations (this one included). She has deep rooted self-esteem issues she's not aware of, she just knows she thinks she's not worth... "it" ("it" = always being a self-destructive gesture, risking "something"; she destroys herself to prove herself, so the other must too). This has much to do with how she first established "love" with her parents. Attention is love! Claire believes the people she's in relationships with will, inevitably, lose interest in her; and she believes this, because she truly thinks there's something extremely off-putting about herself. And she's much better as an idealised concept than a person. People don't like her naturally, so she must make them love her.

And, see, Claire has a terrible death drive: she's stuck in a cycle that will cause her pain; she's always pursued relationships with men that will not give her what she wants, which in turn will reaffirm her beliefs about herself, which will make her look for assurance from other people. It is through these relationships that Claire tries to find this feeling of worthiness: her main deal is trying to shift the power imbalance between her and her partners (because there always is one), and most of the time it comes through the simple act of these men crossing boundaries to be with her. Giving her attention when they should not be giving her any.

So, Claire saw her therapist as something to be conquered. Would her parents' divorce lawyer muddle the waters to be with her? Would this guy mess up his campaign plans just so he can go on a few dates with her? Yes, probably. But they're not committed to her: they also see her as something to be conquered, a fling. There is not much thought put into Claire, or into the relationship as a whole. No consideration for consequences. Claire is something. For Claire, this is not empowering, this is self-destructive behaviour. And when time comes, these men leave her and blame her for their ruin.

This is all part of her characterisation as a perceived femme fatale. "Perceived" because Claire does not do this out of malice. This is not conscious behaviour; at least it's not something Claire realises she's doing when she's doing it. I will return to this later.

Okay, well. Hunt checks all the boxes, right. He's her professor and by God, he does not want to cross any boundaries. This guy literally runs away from Claire in more than one occasion. Unfortunately for him, this is a dream come true to her. This does not play like in canon; like I said, Claire doesn't do this out of malice. She just sees a man who does not esteem her, and this is outrageous to her, and she needs to prove him wrong; and she needs to show him that, actually, she's totally nice and pleasant and, like, interesting! Claire is not even pursuing him romantically, at first. She doesn't even like him as a person that much. She just feels she has to prove herself to him, somehow. She must make him love her. It simply gets entangled in the midst of it all, as it often does with Claire.

I've talked before (in tags) why I think they work together. Hunt does not give Claire attention. At least, not in the way she wants to (positive attention.) There is something about Claire that is very offensive to Hunt: she is too much like him! This relationship is not about Claire wearing down a guy until he dates her (which, honestly, that's what it feels like in canon). This is about two deeply flawed people who see conflict as a form of connection. They cannot interact sincerely with each other because they are both too deep in their own prejudices. Claire has a distorted perception of herself. People dislike her not for innate, mysterious reasons, but because she is pushy and brashy. Hunt needs to get over himself. He is not being frank, he is just being rude and unpleasant most of the time. And these are two people who love pointing fingers at others, and then they decide to point it at each other.

They're deeply attracted to each other because one constantly challenges the other. And as much as they do not like to admit this (the great flaw of pride), there is something to be admired in a person that manages to humble you. These are characters that need to be wrong every once in a while. And they found that in each other. Claire has the unconscious need to make Hunt like her, but she's unaware of what makes her unlikeable. And he will make her aware of it. And Hunt thinks of himself as the judge of everything that is good in the world. Claire tells him he's not that important, actually.

There is mutual investment in this relationship. And I think that's what levels the ground between them. Not whatever Claire was doing before.

Once they get together, the issue with Claire and worthiness does not go away (and it won't for a long while); but this is a different relationship than any other she has had, because Hunt is a different person from all the men she's dated before. He is not a person who does things haphazardly, unplanned, not thought through. Most importantly: once he chooses something, he commits to it. So, when he decides to date Claire he's not doing it in precipitation. He has given thought to it, he has given thought to the consequences and he has given thought to Claire. Thence, when he tells her he's "all in", he means it and he is willing to risk it all for her (which does happen; he loses his job) because he thinks she, as a person, adds more to him.

This is probably when Claire realises that she's falling for him (and truly!). I think hearing that from him means a lot to her. It touches a wound in her. Oh, so there are people who are willing to do... things for her. And, of course, not implying this is healthy. This is not fixing anything, because that is not the point. Claire will not mature in this aspect through a relationship... and this all kinda reaffirms her worldview. As for Hunt: he literally throws his career away for her, so maybe he should visit an analyst as well. The point is that this is an important moment to Claire and Hunt's relationship; and this is why this, out of all the relationships Claire has had, lasts. There is a commitment from him in a way that enables her complex, but there's also being seen as a person in a way that she'd never experienced before.

I also like how this subverts Claire's archetype of a perceived femme fatale, slightly. Hunt does lose his job so, in a way, she would have "lead him to ruin". The difference here is that Hunt is fully aware of the consequences, he has given thought to the situation, and he still chose her. She has not "deceived him" (and I'd say she never deceived any man; they knew what they were getting into). The point here is that Hunt does not shift the blame to Claire at any moment: if he lost his job, then that's his doing. Claire is only a person! She has no way of coercing him into anything. He could've said no. And he chose not to.

I need to postface this with: Claire is a complexed person. And as all people with complexes, not everything fits neatly. People are not A to B to C! And neither is she, and there will be contradictions most often than not. I do think most aspects of her personality makes sense in relation to one another, but it's hard to break down a person in parts when they're a totality. This is just a general overview! Lastly, Hunt and Claire will always have a weird dynamic going on between them; they work well, but it's very easy for them to not work well. And maybe that’s what keeps them together.

[octoqueen10]

Daphne and The Haters

TW: Hate, past abuse (not explicit but implied), negative self-talk

A/N: I do not own Violet or any of her children, they all belong to @jokerislandgirl32, I tried my best to write from her POV but any mistakes on context/accuracies/characterization are entirely my own. Also, the names used from the haters are meant to be funny and are not reflecting of anyone with these usernames

Daphne’s life was perfect. She was finally happy. She had to be, her life was as good as it ever had been. It didn’t matter that her dad didn’t say goodbye before he moved in with his new girlfriend Allison, who she doesn’t think likes her very much, and lives in another state now. Who cared that all of her ‘friends’ don’t seem to include her in anything anymore and say things behind her back. She didn’t mind being alone all the time, she had her phone to keep her company. Her internet followers were never mean to her and always seemed to multiply every time she checked her social media pages. They loved Daphne and she had nothing to worry about. Her life was truly a daydream. This is what Daphne was thinking about when she opened her Instagram page to see what the most recent comment was.

@/ImATrollWhoBulliesKids thought she was annoying. Maybe Daphne was a little bit annoying and nobody told her. @/IHateSuccessfulPeople thought she was an ugly attention seeker. Hundreds of comments flooded Daphne, nitpicking her for everything. There were anonymous comments too, telling her how awful she was without ever revealing themselves. Maybe Daphne wasn’t as good as she thought. She really wasn’t good at anything. Daphne decided that she would change herself to be what she thought her perceived audience would want her to be, and changed who she was. It would make the world love her more, it was worth it. It was worth it and Daphne was happy. It was what she always dreamed of. She had to do something drastic, something no one could expect, something different. Then she would be happy and be able to finally be who she had always wanted to be. She would be perfect.

Violet Varmitech was worried about Daphne. She knew the power words could have on somebody and how they could affect them, especially at a young age. She was no stranger to criticism, working in The Lost Colony Outdoor Drama. Her ex boyfriend, Travis, further contributed, nothing she ever did was good enough for him. She began to spiral, going into a dark place, until she met Zach again. He was able to remind her of the amazing parts of the world, and taught her to love again. She loved him and her life more than she could imagine now. Violet worried that Daphne was spiraling headfirst into that dark place, and nothing anybody said would get her out of it. She loved Daphne since the day they met, with Daphne arriving four days later than Donita’s due date. “Fashionably late” as she said. She loved Daphne’s determination and tenacity, and how she can get so focused on a task, much like her husband. Violet even secretly ‘shipped’ Daphne with her youngest son, Vallen. She could tell Daphne was changing. She saw her spending less and less time with her family, and more and more on her phone, alone, reading comments. The comments could be a vile place, and Violet could only imagine the horrid things people were saying about Daphne, someone so kind and determined, and what she was absorbing. She knew she had to figure out a way to teach her about the internet more and fast.

[selectivechaos]

tw: sanism, school, negative emotions

in school, bc of the selective mutism, i was a ‘pleasure to teach’ up until the point where i became a ‘creepily silent kid who was brilliant academically but falling behind their peers socially and we think he’s not trying to engage.’ and that just tells you a story about how the school system ignored my mental illness because it was useful for them that i was silent, until that meant it deteriorated and was treated like a personal flaw.

the double-edged sword of how they treated me has shaped how i perceive work, productivity, my abilities, self worth, everything, all in relation to how much of a gift and/or an obstacle they deemed my mental illness to be. the question to them was never how much it hurt me; only whether it helped or hindered my grades, attendance, social conformity and so on.

yeah i fucking hate the school system. literally everywhere, in general, the way they approach mentally ill students needs to change 🌹🌹

[chainoftalent]

would it be a bit much to ask for the whole yandere profile for shuichi? 👉👈

I am NOT late to this ask it is NOT over a month old I am ON TOP OF THINGS forever and ever, (tw: dark content, plus nsfw and noncon themes below the cut)

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Shuichi is mostly lucid accept around you specifically, to everyone else when you're not around he's lucid, sharp, and his usual shy self. However with you he kinda gets...rose tinted glasses. Nothing he does to you is bad, and nothing you do to him is bad. There's always some other thing that's making it bad. You're not the bad one it's your friends making you be bad, he's not being abusive, he's just trying to protect you but he got a bit overwhelmed. It's fine! We're happy. Do not try and tell him you're not he'll get mad

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Decently high, if you're the kind of person who has few friends and never leaves the house he'll probably just move in. However if you're not a shut-in seeing you interact with people who don't do it like he thinks they should will grate on him until he nabs you for a greater good

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

The first attempt is the easiest because of his delusion that you're happy, however once he learns you're gonna try it gets HARD, he's a detective after all. He knows lots of stuff about manipulation, containment, and the like. Prepare for so many secret cameras and bugs!

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Hard, unless you REALLY play into his desires for family and love. He's a sap and weak for you, but he's still smart. Playing along makes him easier to manipulate.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Decently lenient, he doesn't WANT to punish you, and he blames everyone else for your misdeeds. He's more likely to give you a sad puppy look, but he can get serious. He's not afraid to get physical if he thinks he has to, and he's not afraid to take away rights. Speaking of rights, you'd be mostly allowed to just be yourself besides intense monitoring. However, he wants his soft fluffy fantasy, so he's going to feed into that, which means soft clothes for his love, and nothing overly engaging, nothing that's not saccharine sugary sweet. You wanna read a tragedy? Nope. You wanna play a tough game? Sorry guns aren't very kawaii of you we can't have that.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

For what it's worth the rules aren't too complex, let him dote on you, don't try and escape, don't talk to anyone unworthy, and don't disobey him. Simple basic stuff for what it's worth.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

He'll either try and make them go away through social manipulations, or just straight up frame them. He doesn't like to get bloody about it, but if they push him hard enough he will.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

His anger is a held back anger, a dark look in his eyes and a wrinkle in his brow from his pinched face. It's a deep calming breath and tightening hands, it's a voice that's trying to sound steady but you know it's not asking why you couldn't just let him do this for you. Do not push back against him and his affections if you don't want him angry.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

His love is absolutely above him, so perfect and kind, he must have more.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's SO DETERMINED he's DESPERATE to fix his abandonment issues via the person he falls in love with, he won't stop.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

He's more shy, while he gets a bit more firm once he has control over the situation, he's still shy and awkward and likely to hide behind his hat.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

He's touchy, but a shy touchy. He loves to touch his love, but he's the type to brush a face with his thumb, go bright red, and then pull away because he's too shy. Once he starts to get used to it though, his hands are going EVERYWHERE to make his love feel good, to hold his love closer.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He wants you to want it, but if he thinks it'll make you feel better or happy, your willingness is second to your pleasure.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's got such a body worship thing and a praise thing, he needs to be slow and soft and tie up his love in silk and ribbons and worship them and praise them and make them feel so sososo good.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

YES YES YES he wants like 2-3 kids and a white picket fence and to hold hid kids close and love them very much and make sure they weren't left alone like he was.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

They don't do those kinds of punishments, the furthest I can see him going is a gag and maybe some spanking from bad behavior.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

They love it all really, but their thighs, their arms, it's all so good to him.

[genderqueerdykes]

TW transphobia

Ok I'm honestly terrified. I'm terrified of.. T*rfs.

Yes. I feel like they will never ever see me as my gender (I don't even want to say what gender I am because I'm aware that they can see this) and what if they are right?? Why if Im just very disordered so is my own thinking?

Also I feel like they always know what it's your agab..

I don't want to be trans if this is how other people perceive me. I feel like I'm pretend to be *this* gender while my true self is what my agab is.

And I'm wrong about who I am.

Even my biggest gender euphoria can dissappear just like that if I see something what they are saying about people like me.

hey i just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to send this message because i think this is an important thing to address!

that's what they want you to think, but it's not true. if you take a look at posts where these people attempt to "analyze" pictures of strangers and celebrities to figure out their agab, they will always be wrong and make transphobic assumptions about cis people.

terfs are not smart! they want you to think they are, but they're very far from it. they are making incorrect assumptions about biology when they point out who they think they know is trans. they don't even understand what intersex people are, or the fact that we exist! they don't even understand that someone could look the way a trans person does without ever having touched hormones, themselves. they don't understand that any type of person can have a uterus- strangers cannot ascertain your agab magically just by looking at you. that is your most close guarded secret and nobody can "tell" just by looking at you

trans and intersex people have shown and proven time and time again that you don't know what someone's biology is for sure unless you are that person and their medical professionals. these people want you to think that they're these big scary investigators who are smarter than you, but they're bullies who react to the smallest deviation from what THEY consider to be the norm

you are not in danger of these people if you block and move on accordingly: terfs only have the illusion of power online because they are hiding behind the shield of relative anonymity to bully oppressed people. they're not smarter than you or me or anyone- they're just aggressive, mean, and targeting vulnerable people. they don't know anything about you inherently just by looking for you- they don't have tranny vision. they think they do, but they can't tell a rock from a diamond

they want to scare you because they're scared. they want to seem scary, but they're too afraid to show their faces or voice themselves in a way that extends beyond bullying teenagers online. they are weak. they aren't activists. they aren't helping anyone. you know yourself better than anyone else, you know who you are. you are the arbiter of your lived experience and no matter what someone guesses about you, they'll never be right. it's a guess, not an objective truth. they don't live in your head

hope that helps a bit! they're big dumb bullies who think making minors and trans people feel bad about themselves will somehow help women. it's not worth your time, i know it sucks to think about, but they are not as scary as they make themselves seen. worry about you, you do you. you got this. take care, stay safe, good luck out there

[stable-gremlin]

This is going to include a reasonably heavy topic and I am aware that this is an SSO blog however I am also human and this relates to my art and sso content

TW: anxiety

It is a vicious cycle and it’s probably one of evolutions dirtiest yet necessary tricks.

In the early ages of mankind, anxiety was for us to prepare in advance. It is a warning system. It is a way to survive. But, in this day and age, it is also a massive hindrance.

I have suffered anxiety through a massive chunk of my life and it was only when I had turned 19 did I give it that name. I thought I was just not good enough, a high achiever and a worrier and it affected my grades negatively. Doesn’t help that my grades are intrinsically attached to my self worth which then starts the cycle all over again.

It can cause this like restlessness, loss of sleep, high heart rate, weight gain and weirdly enough an inability to do anything.

I recently had a vast decrease in my mental health and it isn’t related to SSO. In fact, my therapist calls SSO my dissociative safe space (I don’t know if that’s good or not).

I should have noticed it when I was nearing the final of an art piece and I couldn’t get it right. In fact I still can’t get it right. And it stresses me the fuck out. I’ve asked help of other artists and whilst they have done a brilliant job at helping me…still doesn’t or isn’t right. At least to me. This is nothing on them it is the fact that I am incredibly worked up about how people will perceive my art and what I do.

I have the irrational fear that if something isn’t right than I will revive negative backlash. And it’s why I haven’t been posting art. The ISFC can attest to the many re-draws and attempts of Jay’s face.

I don’t know how to move on. I can’t scrap the piece, I have spent too long on it. And it’s part of a series that I allowed you guys to pick and I don’t want to let you all down.

I miss the version of me only a few months back where I could post my shitty sketches and be proud like “yeah, I did that ain’t that neat” and now I have the urge to just scrap it entirely.

Anxiety is a bitch and it’s pretty much just me and my therapist battling it out.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I appreciate you listening. Do me a favour, though: if you see someone getting stressed out about something happening in a conversation, don’t tell them to calm down.

If we could, we would.

[tigergirlpaya]

Hurt(?)/comfort nonbinary/transfem!Darry and gay!pony queer solidarity hcs bc I want to be self indulgent.

TW for transphobia and homophobia (not overtly mentioned)

• Darry feels completely disconnected from the world around her and is incapable of relating to most others experiences

• she’s never met someone who feels like her because she feels as though she can’t talk to anyone about how she feels and perceives things

• even though she doesn’t understand the gender binary at all she still does her best to uphold it out of fear of further alienation from her peers

• despite all of this she identifies with more feminine things and only doesn’t indulge in them bc of prev.

Ex: she would prefer people use she/her pronouns for her, she would like to put on makeup and be able to wear it outside (bc she already puts it on in private) and dress more feminine (she has long skirts and blouses she adores but just can’t wear)

• one day a few years after canon she catches Pony making out w a boy in his bedroom

• the two of them spend weeks pretending it didn’t happen and while Pony is thankful that Darry isn’t kicking him out or anything there is an obvious tension in the air

• to pony this tension is Darrys silent disapproval but to Darry it’s the knowledge that she’s not entirely alone in her existence

• it takes weeks but eventually she feels comfortable enough to talk to Pony

• she decides to do it in the most overt way she can so that the bandaid can just be ripped off. She waits until she knows no one will be at the house but her and Pony

• she tells him she needs to talk to him and for him to be ready in an hour

• the hour she spends putting on makeup and picking out what she thinks is her best outfit is one of the most horrifying of her life but she pushes forward, knowing that if she can finally no longer be alone it’ll all be worth it

• she’s finally done, she peaks out her bedroom door into the living room and sees Pony, sitting looking away from the door, his back completely straight, with a slight tremble to his figure

• opening the door all the way Pony doesn’t turn to look at her. The tension in the room rises to almost unbearable levels. So she walks in front of him.

• as soon as he sees her all tension leaves the room and he bursts into tears.

• Darry is shocked but quickly reacts doing her best to comfort pony even though these types of situations make her unbearably uncomfortable.

• Once pony finally calms down they talk, a lot

• she reveals that the tension Pony had been feeling in the weeks leading up to Darry’s coming out was just her trying to figure out the best way to do it

• it’s the seventies and Darry is completely disconnected from the queer community and so she has no way of putting words to how she feels other then that she doesn’t feel any genuine connection to masculinity but she doesn’t want to be a woman either she just wants to be herself

• Pony kind of understand but not completely, but that’s okay bc they love each other despite their differences, insecurity’s and quirks

• Darry tells Pony that she’d love to meet his boyfriend, and Pony does his best to use Darry’s preferred pronouns when they’re alone and even uses his own limited knowledge of the local queer community to help Darry find people she can better relate to

[burialgrcunds]

  *:･ﾟ✧ is that that NIA LARKSPEAR , the twenty seven year old active shadowhunter ? it’s rare to see them without their bow and arrow but maybe they’re off duty tonight. they’ve been in the capital city 20 years , and rumour has it that they notoriously are destructive , whilst also managing to be quite skillful. last i heard , they were against the royal family ; i wonder what they make of all this upheaval within mundane world .

𝙱𝙰𝚂𝙸𝙲𝚂 .

full name: nia larkspear 

age: 27

gender / pronouns: cis woman , she / her

sexual orientation: bisexual mess

cccupation: shadowhunter

home: london

𝙱𝙸𝙾𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙷𝚈 .

tw: murder

nia larkspear grew up with the weight of a legacy on her shoulders. born into a family revered for their skill and unwavering dedication, she and her twin brother were trained from a young age to uphold the honor of the shadowhunters. her father, a stern yet affectionate man, believed in the power of preparation and discipline, and he made sure their training was nothing short of relentless. yet, in those grueling sessions, there was a bond that grew between them — one that went beyond the sharpening of blades and the mastery of runes. for nia, those late-night patrols with her father were more than just a duty; they were the moments she cherished most.

but destiny, it seemed, had different plans. on the night that would forever change their lives, a routine patrol took them to a decrepit, vampire-infested house, long abandoned by mundanes and seemingly forgotten by time. nia, then only sixteen, fought valiantly by her father’s side, her training and instincts guiding her through the chaos. but in the heat of battle, nia made a critical mistake — a brief flicker of doubt—allowed a vampire to strike her father down before her eyes, his life slipping away in her arms before she could save him. the memory of his final, pained breaths, and the look of trust he gave her as he passed, would haunt her forever.

her twin brother had been fighting on the other side of the house, separated by the relentless horde of vampires. when he arrived, the sight of their father's lifeless body was more than he could bear. the grief was overwhelming, and it drove a wedge between them, with him blaming her for the fatal mistake. while her brother grappled with his sorrow and resentment, nia was consumed by guilt, knowing that her error had cost their father his life

when they returned home, bloodied and broken, the warmth of their mother’s embrace was replaced by an icy stare. consumed by grief, she couldn’t look at nia without seeing the daughter who had lived while her husband had died. the house that once echoed with laughter and love became a cold, silent tomb, and nia found herself a ghost in her own home. unable to bear the sight of her, her mother sent nia away — far from home, to study at an institute in france. it was framed as an opportunity, a chance to hone her skills, but nia knew better. she was being exiled, cast out like a tarnished blade.

𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈 .

her exterior is polished, often exuding a magnetic presence that draws people to her and commands respect. this facade can sometimes be seen as arrogance. nia’s self-assured demeanor might be perceived as overly full of herself, with a tendency to overshadow others. her confidence, while impressive, can sometimes border on smugness, creating an impression that she is more focused on projecting an image of superiority than on genuinely connecting with those around her.

her confidence is a carefully crafted shield, built to protect her from the guilt and sorrow she feels over her father's death, which she blames herself for. she is fiercely determined, driven by a desire to prove her worth and escape the shadow of her past mistakes. while she is skilled at masking her true feelings, the emotional scars she carries often surface in subtle ways, revealing the depth of her internal conflict and the struggle to reconcile her past with her present.